#this is not a coworker who would have accepted the relatement especially with this topic
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Shout out to me who resisted the urge to bring up something only marginally related and derailing to the sad topic my coworker was talking about
What an annoying fucking brain thing to have 🙃
#this is not a coworker who would have accepted the relatement especially with this topic#she was talking about a family dog who was put to sleep yesterday which is understandablely upsetting#and i feel that#and also tho as shes talking my brain wants me to interject with what feels like relatable sort of antidotes which are not as sad#and its just not the time or place but it was honestly so hard and i feel like it shouldnt have been#regardless if she reacted fine in the moment if i brought any of the things my brain stattes thinking of up#she would have been so so pissed about it#all of this rambling feels rude rip#dont mind me#tag rambles#i dont mean to be rude about it because it sucks ass#i just by nature connect it to other experiences and like to share those and sometimes thats not appropriate but that doesnt mean that#i can just stop the thinking about it even if i dont say it#idk where im going with these tags#its really not helped by the fact that i really domt wanna be here and the more i type the less im mentally present here i guess soooo
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[My english is not the best, sorry, it's a little frustrating]
//CAUTION!: sensitive topics, violence, use of alcohol and cigarettes, depression, lack of mental health, abuse, other themes.
I had thought that this oc would not appear in the main story of F&H 2, but as a deuteragonist for a extra story (takes place in the year 1946) after a hypothetical ''Ending B'' of Pavel Yudin - Pav, in which the main theme happens in an Europan neighborhood. I've abandoned the whole concept because it was just an unfinished story and i lost some motivation to continue.
⇢✎ ɪᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ༉‧₊˚.
''Bathing with soap...makes me happy'' (possibly the most insipid person you will ever meet)
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Sho Seimei, is a pathetic and insecure person from Kingdom of Edo, who works in an office, generally has functions of organizing data and information related to work and various tasks, calm, awkward and sometimes scold the coworkers who tend to slack off.
This office worker is a neighbor of the former lieutenant Pav, on certain occasions they tend to annoy each other around, the other residents of the neighborhood believe that there are hatred involved. Both are certainly sharp in their conversations, despite that there is no hostility to the point of fight to death. Pav finds it funny that he doesn't pick up on some of his jokes or harsh comments, considering Sho as a ''bitter brat'' and one occasion criticized his office shoes (Sho doesn't like those either).
They don't share many things in common, except that at certain times when the neighbors aren't gossiping, Pav and Sho share a pack of cigarettes. These two have barriers against showing their true feelings so they don't usually say much of what they think, Pav tells little about his experience in Prehevil and his deep hatred towards the Kaiser. Sho realized that Pav didn't care much about his future after killing the Kaiser and then leaving his position as lieutenant. Sho expresses to him that he could think better about what he wants to do since he was alive, although Pav is pessimistic about it and his revenge was one of the few things that comforted him in the past, without a new purpose now.
As the months go by, certain strange behavior and even some things like marks on the skin that Sho tries to hide, indicate that something was out of place and Pav know, so confronts him. Reluctantly, Sho confesses that he has been under threat from his boss for a long time, since the man himself not accept that he tried to quit the job, for now Sho has no a better place to work. Pav give a pistol he's been preserving for a while, telling him that maybe putting a bullet through that guy's head wouldn't be a bad idea. Sho feels strange about all this, but finally accepts because is conflicted about what decision to make and the police would do nothing if he tells them. Sho doesn't believe much in vengeful thoughts, Pav just joking...right?, or that was before he grabbed the pistol with trembling hands.
The next morning, Sho and other coworkers found out that the boss is dead in the basement of the office building and apparently his corpse has been used for ritualistic reasons, which this and other ''small events'' would cause a great series of disturbances in the neighborhood, while the authorities try to dissuade them by saying that absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
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˚ ༘♡ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ´ˎ˗
●Quiet childhood (or from his perspective), didn't adapt well with other kids, he was a lonely child, spending more time with his parents.
●After his graduation and when Edo's borders was reopened, Sho traveled to Europa to seek new opportunities (around 1942).
●Since Sho became independent, his life has been quite complicated, even until now he tries to tell his parents through phone calls that everything is fine when that is not true.
●Nothing relevant but he is not attractive to other people, especially he has been singled out for his freckles, even in Edo, where they had more expectations for him to have perfect skin.
●Likes any type of alcohol, although if someone give him vodka, Sho will be happy.
●Sho has a skeleton toy in the closet, he found it in a trash can on a night of drinking and delirium, he misses his parents and is distanced from the attention of his neighbors and does not have good work relationships, the skeleton was his only company, until he got to know a certain ''eccentric shoe picky neighbor with vengeful impulses'', he uses his skeleton toy to annoy.
●When his boss did certain things to him, Sho didn't leave his apartment for days and refused to get out of bed, he looked more tired, tearful, shaky, the desire to bathe was distant. After the grotesque death of his superior, Sho found it difficult to move forward and face the horrors of the neighborhood.
#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#fear and hunger 2: termina#shoseimeifungeroc#funger#f&h 1946#sho seimei#fear and hunger 1946
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Who I am to You – Synastry 101, Part 1
I had to divide this post into parts seeing that it was becoming quite lengthy. Part 1 covers interchanges to the generational planets in synastry.
[Preface]
I’ve been recently thinking a lot about synastry after listening to an anthropologist talk about love and the cultural statistics around relationships. It just sort of peaked my interest in astrology again and the complexity of synastry; how we are kind of one big organism or machine, with all of these gears that interlock with each other; all the people in our lives serve a purpose of being there in a particular moment. How we happen to pass by some people and experience a love at first sight with others. How we happen upon our family; how the people who we consider coworkers or colleagues end up in the same place as us; How we operate generationally and systematically. The gears always turning and changing within this magical makeup of our reality. Relationships are really fascinating, especially if you believe and indulge in astrology.
I also re-read Linda Goodman’s Relationship Signs, and while she draws from somewhat of a overtly spiritual bias (lots of soulmate this– karma that–), she provides both an expert analysis of synastry (having done synastry for many many people, gathering statistics) and an optimistic, magical perspective on relationships that would make one feel as though there is some sort of cosmic significance to their own relationships. Her book is inspiring and being a hopeless romantic myself, I can’t help but enjoy the spiritual bias around romance and relationships in general.
I figured since I’m doing the research anyway, I might as well attempt to make a comprehensive post on synastry for this dead blog. I also think this topic tends to be what peaks people’s interest the most in astrology.
Generational Planets – Uranus, Neptune, Pluto
I’ve decided it makes more sense to work backwards; before exploring the dynamics of personal relationships, understanding how people function as groups or generations provides a grander perspective on synastry. I think the casual astrology enjoy-er tends to get wrapped up in the mystic of these planets in both their natal chart and in synastry interchanges. We are drawn to these planets, especially when we locate significance in a chart, because they symbolize a collective experience and understanding. There is something paradoxical about the relatability and understanding felt towards the impersonal planets. For those of you who are unaware, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are considered generational planets because of their long cycles. Uranus takes 84 years to cycle through all of the signs, approx. 7 years in one sign; Neptune takes 165 years to cycle through all of the signs, approx. 14 years in one sign; Pluto takes 248 to cycle through all of the signs, approx. 12-31 years in one sign. The length spent in one sign is a stark difference to the amount of time it takes for the Sun or Moon to transit a sign, thus these three planets impact one on a generational level. Uranus represents social climate, environment, and advancement in technology. Neptune is seen as a cultural representative as well as a passive form of social climate; the quiet tide of acceptance in contrast to Uranus which chaotically brings issues to light and demands justice. Pluto is the inward and intrinstical generational planet; representing generational trauma and grief, collective attitudes and needs of a group, the depth of collective experience; a soul grouping. It is very evident that there are powerful interchanges taking place between generations of people (e.g. Millennials vs Gen Z, Gen Z vs Baby Boomers, etc.) which astrology provides insight to. Your parents or grandparents don’t quite “get you” and you don’t need astrology to tell you that, but astrology can! Which is a fascinating little thing!
Interchanges between generational planets
The distance between two generations will roughly create the one-sign-apart semi-sextile aspect; an example being the relationship between Millennials and Gen Zs and these two groups’ semi-sextile nature. Within a semi-sextile in synastry, there is a tendency for the sign ahead to not see the sign behind. There are a lot of similarities between these two generations in that they blend like a brush stroke. However, we also see Gen Z discovering “new” things and pioneering trends meanwhile Millennials sitting back saying to themselves, “been there, done that, actually.” The distance between Gen Z and Gen X is roughly that of a sextile, a harmonious aspect. An example of the relationship these two generations share is the very apparent recycling of arts and culture. Gen X, having the opportunity to be a teen in the 90′s birthed some of the most influential arts and media we have today; that 90′s culture is deeply appreciated and repurposed by Gen Z. If we expand even further, the distance between Gen Z and Gen V (the generation notorious for being called “boomers” but aren’t technically baby boomers... Again, we can take into account the brush stroke semi-sextile between actual boomers and Gen V) is roughly a square aspect. There is an inherent natural strife between this older generation and Gen Z; differing world views, the inability to see each other’s perspective, and a general misunderstanding for one another. Similarly, we can also take note of the square between the actual boomer generation and millennials. The strife between Pluto in Leo and Pluto in Scorpio is that of who deserves power and say? Who should be making the choices for society’s future? I could go on and on about the relationship dynamics between generations, but the main takeaway is to observe the relationships generational planets provide on a very broad level. It’s very likely one will inherently understand the generation they are in (ignoring other natal chart factors, of course) because of a conjunction occurring between Uranus, Neptune, or Pluto. In synastry, when this conjunction occurs, two individuals relate to each other on a cultural, societal, memetic, and systematic level; two individuals on the same timeline, in the same soul-grouping.
Interchanges between generational planets and personal planets
While interchanges between generational planets provide broad, impersonal significance in synastry, we can see personal significance when a generational planet interacts with a personal planet. In synastry, we can look at this as the chart holder with the generational planet being seen as someone who directly relates and signifies to the cultural, environmental, political, and metaphysical experiences of the chart holder with the personal planet. Personal planets can give remarkable power to the otherwise unconscious and invisible planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Sun The circumstances in which these two individuals meet will likely be unconventional. Additionally, the relationship itself will likely be unconventional and unexpected. The intensity of a conjunction can make for both positive and negative outcomes, though the “negative outcomes” do not reign anything close to the negative affects of the malefic planets, Mars and Saturn. At most, these two individuals may find themselves unexpectedly separated for periods of time; or that the chaos of Uranus is somewhat of a liability in their relationship (particularly so if the Uranus person embodies somewhat of a chaotic, radical archetype in their overall personality). In positive outcomes, which includes trine and sextile interchanges, there may be a revolutionizing quality to the relationship. If we consider the Sun symbolizing the self, then we may conclude this encapsulates all of the individual’s quirks and facets, including potential hardships brought on just by their very being or walk of life. The revolutionizing quality of Uranus may bring aid to the Sun, especially if the Sun individual faces particular injustices in their life. Uranus is radical, innovative, and ingenious; being the higher octave of Mercury, it problem solves and advocates for the needs of the Sun individual. The Sun individual will likely find themselves doing things they wouldn’t normally do or think of thanks to the Uranus individual. Both individuals boost each other’s confidence; there is a sense of feeling comfortable in one’s own skin and embracing one’s quirky side. The positive interchanges remark platonic harmony and a relationship with substance. In the negative interchanges, such as a square or opposing aspect, the relationship could be described as erratic and conflictual. There may be differing political and world views; the Sun individual too arrogant and stubborn and the Uranus individual too radical and unforgiving. Arguments tend to be explosive, especially if Mars is also somehow involved, and particularly ego-damaging. There needs to be forgiving aspects elsewhere to undo emotional bruising.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Moon Likewise with the Uranus-Sun interchanges, the circumstances in which these two individuals meet will likely be unconventional and unexpected. The conjunction can bring about tension as these two planets function very differently from each other. Uranus being such an erratic force, it can provoke and trigger the Moon which can cause emotional meltdowns in the relationship. This can be similarly observed with the square and opposition as well. Without other promising aspects in the synastry chart, there will be a proneness to breakups and physical separations. Despite the emotional chaos, there is an unwavering draw to each other, particularly the Moon individual being drawn in by the Uranus individual’s intellect, uniqueness, and/or rebelliousness. The trine and sextile interchanges are much more forgiving and are actually constructive. The relationship sparks inspiration which can lead to trying lots of new things both individuals wouldn’t have done otherwise. If the Uranus individual embodies much of the attitudes and direction that Uranus represents, then a relationship with the Moon individual can shine light on an empathetic and introspective approach to their goals, especially if their goals involve politics, environment, or any field that impacts the world. Similar to the Uranus-Sun interchanges, the positive interchanges remark platonic harmony and a relationship with substance to it. With this aspect, a friendship tends to take precedence over a romantic relationship; within a romantic relationship the two people retain a strong best friend dynamic. As with all Uranus contacts, aspects between these two planets definitely add quirkiness to the relationship.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Mercury With the conjunction, trine, or sextile, these two individuals are transported to a completely different plane of being when they interact. The depths of their conversations leave people to believe they are witnessing two aliens talking to each other. Conversations feel exhilarating to both individuals, they feel smarter around each other. These aspects are particularly beneficial if the relationship is a business one or if the two individuals are colleagues. Together they have unmatched creativity and ingeniousness that can be utilized for projects, inventions, and movements. Additionally, there is something about the positive contacts that gives this pair reach to broad audiences. This is particularly true if there are social house involved in the overlays. We can expect these two people to have a rapidly growing social group when they become acquainted. In the negative aspects, square and opposition, we see what two people with two different sets of quirks interact. Both individuals will be outspoken about their beliefs to one another and somehow topics that are prone to being heated are reoccurring. The Uranus individual is much too serious and radical whereas the Mercury individual is much too light-hearted and trivial; at least, this is how these two perceive each other. If there are other positive aspects in the synastry chart, these interchanges aren’t particularly damning to the relationship. Patience and acceptance goes a long way in dealing with the square and opposition.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Venus With the conjunction, trine, or sextile, there is a magnetizing, strange attraction between these two individuals. The Venus individual would likely describe their attraction as unusual or unexpected; there is something about the Uranus individual that doesn’t appear as the Venus individual’s usual “type.” The Venus individual finds the charm, intellect, weirdness, and quirks of the Uranus individual irresistible. The benefits for the Uranus individual is that they don’t really need to “try” or do anything to seduce the Venus individual. They are liked simply for who they are entirely and candidly. Romance aside, the positive interchanges are also beneficial platonically and even in romantic relationships, the individuals retain a very friend-like dynamic. This combination can operate well as a creative duo; any projects worked on together won’t be anything less of avant-garde. Additionally, with the conjunction, there may be a tendency for the Venus individual to have bouts of insecurity about the relationship. There’s a slight inherent coldness from Uranus that makes the individual too cool as a cucumber for the Venus individual. With positive interchanges elsewhere, these anxieties can be easily outweighed or remedied. However, with the square or opposition, there is less ease. The Venus individual will consistently feel as though there isn’t enough romance coming from the Uranus individual; a romantic relationship may feel like it’s lacking intimacy and warmth without good synastry elsewhere in the chart. Similar to Uranus-Sun interchanges, there may be a proneness to sudden separations. In all Uranus-Venus contacts, intimacy and love takes an unconventional form. For people looking for experimentation, challenge, and excitement, having an aspect between Uranus and Venus in synastry will give just that.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Mars Interchanges between Uranus and Mars is best described as a loaded trigger. Both planets offer immense direction and power ripping at the seams; and when they come together, they trigger each other’s chaos. With the conjunction, we see this chaos’ full potential. We might find an anarchistic duo from the radicalizing Uranus and the action-oriented Mars. In a positive light, the conjunction makes these two individuals unstoppable towards whatever shared ambition they might have. However on the flip side, the intensity of the conjunction can also reap a negative affect where two individuals reach a boiling point and turn on each other. We can definitely expect the former outcome if the two individuals work in the same field and likely have the same goals in mind. With the trine and sextile, we can also find this unmatched ambition when these two individuals come together. These aspects are fantastic for colleagues, business partners, freedom fighters, and even lovers! The spasmodic energy of Uranus harmoniously interacting with the Martian planet makes for great sexual tension; you can especially expect some friskiness if there is a 5th house overlay involved. Mars can also draw out the experimental side of Uranus which is sure to provide excitement to those looking for an un-ordinary, non-vanilla relationship. Although the house overlays involved with these two planets will provide more insight to this, it is worth noting the social and generational themes Mars will activate in Uranus. There’s definitely a direct correlation to politics, science, environment, technology, and activism when these two planets interact. It wouldn’t be surprising to see these two individuals dismantling the patriarchy or fighting climate chaos together! With the square and opposition, tensions are high between these two planets. If you’ve ever met someone who just don’t get, don’t understand why they do the things they do, or get irritated by their mere presence, these aspects could be why! These two planets can just irritate the absolute heck out of each other. These aspects are particularly problematic if these individuals are involved with each other in the realm of politics, current events, and social issues. There can be a refusal to understand one another because of drastically different viewpoints. In personal or romantic relations, this aspect can be looked at as an enemies-to-lovers sort of configuration. The sexual tension is also not lacking in the negative aspects, so there may be a plus there.
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Jupiter Interchanges between Uranus and Jupiter aren’t quite felt on a personal level as Jupiter is one of two social planets. Similar to the Uranus-Mars interchanges, the social and generational themes come to surface with aspects between Uranus and Jupiter. Jupiter being a benefic planet, aspects to Uranus denote justice, inspiration, harmony, and spirituality. Jupiter acts as a supplier to Uranus’ cause; a philanthropist to an organization, metaphorically speaking. The conjunction, trine, and sextile are particularly beneficial. You really can’t have too many of the Jupiter individuals in your life if you’re the Uranus individual as these are the people who will always see your vision and possibly even fund it!
One’s Uranus aspecting another’s Saturn Similar to Uranus-Jupiter interchanges, aspects between Uranus and Saturn are not felt on a personal level. Aspects between these two planets will play into the social and generational themes of Uranus. However, in contrast to Jupiter, Saturn is a malefic planet and may reap difficulty in the worldviews and social needs of these two individuals. With positive aspects such as the trine or sextile, the interchanges between Saturn and Uranus simply represent the past mirroring the future. There is a willingness to commit to change on Saturn’s part for the benefit of Uranus’ future. What is thought to be necessary for the betterment of humankind is more likely to align more-so with the positive interchanges. However, in the harsher aspects such as the conjunction, square, or opposition, there is a discomfort with each other’s generational needs. The Saturn individual might subconsciously perceive any of Uranus’ drastic or radical approaches to things to be immature and hasty. The energies between Uranus and Saturn are not something felt on daily basis nor do they normally wreak havoc in a relationship anyway, however when their conflict does present itself to a relationship, the remedy is simply patience and hearing each other out.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Sun With the conjunction, trine, or sextile, there is something hypnotizing, dreamy, and nostalgic about the relationship. This is one of the interchanges in synastry that Linda Goodman considers “karmic.” She mentions a strong psychic connection, particularly with the conjunction. In a more technical sense, I believe that with the positive contacts, trine and sextile, as well as the conjunction, what is being ignited in the pair (especially for the Sun individual) is a reflection of their past (a hyper-romanticized version of it, that is), as well as a personification of their interests. By interests, I mean interests that were cultivated by their generation of media and culture particularly. This could be why we are so mystified and hypnotized by people whose Neptune makes significant interchanges to our birth chart. Neptune being a higher octave of Venus, it casts a charm over a person to make them appear as someone’s favourite song or favourite piece of media, but as a walking, breathing, existing version of it. So of course, if you meet someone who reminds you of your favourite song, they will undoubtedly seem special, significant, or fateful. Wow-factor aside, there can be a negative side to Neptune interchanges, even in positive aspects, and especially with the conjunction. That is a tendency to idealize. With Sun-Neptune interchanges in synastry, one or both people may have a totally inaccurate perception of the other person because of this idolization. With the negative aspects, square and opposition, there are two possible outcomes that tend to occur in synastry. First outcome being the Neptune individual is totally out of the Sun individual’s reach. If this is one the strongest aspects in your synastry chart, you can expect the Neptune person to be extremely elusive to the Sun individual. Linda Goodman also mentions issues around deception and infidelity with this pair in her book. The second outcome is that the Neptune individual is very much involved in the Sun individual’s life, to the point where Neptune completely consumes the Sun with its venomous charm. There can be themes of dependency, substance use, and the sort of “pulling” into one’s hell. The former outcome is much more common with people who have a very strong Sun presence in their chart; the latter is common with individuals who do not have a strong sense of self.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Moon Most of what can be said about interchanges between the Sun and Neptune can also be applied here. However, the difference here is a larger focus on each other’s emotional realm, and you could consider these aspects less superficial and less about idolization. With the conjunction, trine, or sextile, there is a connection between these two individuals that transcends any ordinary relationship. Again, we see these two pulled in together by possibly a similar taste in music, similar upbringing, familiar culture, etc., but in addition to that there can be spiritual alignment too. The spiritual and emotional swimming and meshing is a definite plus for romantic relationships. However Neptune can trigger a lot of sensitivity in the relationship when in contact with another’s Moon. With the conjunction, there is an over-exaggeration especially. While things can seem very beautiful in the relationship and bring about many tears of joy, there can also be tendency to fall into a pit of despair and emotional exhaustion. It’s important for both individuals to find other outlets for their intense feelings other than dependently funnelling it into their partner. Artistic, spiritual, and clinical outlets tend to do the job. Similarly in negative aspects, square and opposition, there is acute emotional sensitivity triggered. This pair is easily hurt by each other and there is a tendency for misunderstandings thanks to Neptune’s proneness to obscuring clarity. If there isn’t enough good synastry between two individuals, the negative aspects can be somewhat of a red flag for close relationships. Neptune harshly having that stand-offish grip on the Moon leads to all sorts of trouble with disintegrating emotional reality. There may be themes of emotional manipulation (not in the vain of control, but rather a defence mechanism), bad habits, and deception. With this all said, there is nothing therapy can’t aid!
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Mercury In the conjunction, trine, or sextile, this interchange is an incredible source of creativity and muse. The Mercury individual makes the Neptune individual’s creative subconscious tangible. This is a great aspect to have in a synastry chart if the relationship is a creative one (e.i. musicians, writers, artists, or creative colleagues of any sort). Together, a pair like this can produce some very intellectual and sensitive pieces of work. In addition to this, in the positive aspects, this pair will find themselves inspired by each other. The connection ignites poetry, colour, and music. According to Linda Goodman, the positive interchanges are an indicator of a “psychic” connection in synastry as well. In the negative interchanges, square or opposition, we can see a sort of lost-in-translation affect. Accidental misunderstandings, deception, secrets, and mind games are the themes of these interchanges! These aspects are particularly annoying in business relationships; neither person is being clear, project delays, intentionally leaving out information in business emails, and so on. It may be a little bit easier to speak up on the issues Mercury-Neptune squares and oppositions bring about if the person you’re dealing with isn’t your boss. In intimate relationships, this pair will find their bond grow closer once they stop keeping secrets from one another and lay everything on the table.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Venus The interchanges between Neptune and Venus reminds us just how important Venus is to one’s personality and to relationships (of any kind; platonic, romantic, with nature, with humankind, etc.). Venus interacting with its supposed higher octave is so potent and telling of oneself; the conditions of Venus is important to its interpretation here. In a conjunction, attraction is often instantaneous and hypnotizing; these two people will be immediately pulled into each other’s world when they meet. There is also the outcome of mistaking deep empathy for love; compassion and obsession is somewhat of a troubling combination. The Venus individual, obviously depending on the conditions of their natal Venus, may have that easily moved, compassionate, and sympathetic personality; the type of personality that attracts the types of people seeking refuge. The Neptune person, either consciously or subconsciously will seek out the Venus individual and immediately become obsessed with their forgiveness and dependability. There can obviously be some level of toxicity in that the Venus person sticks around out of guilt and is somewhat of an enabler for the Neptune individual’s troubles. Outside of this negative outcome, there are positive outcomes with the conjunction as well and we can include the trine and sextile aspect along side with these outcomes as well. Romantically, this could potentially be a hedonistic match made in heaven (as long as the rose-coloured glasses stay on). This pair is deeply romantic, spiritual, and creative. The positive aspects evoke a relationship that does not lack colour; this is a pair that wants the cultural perception of romance which alludes to the whole shebang (extravagant dates, writing love notes, movie nights, sharing headphones, sentimental gifts, flowers, watching sunsets, and just about every romantic trope you can think of). The positive interchanges also indicate creative collaboration and similar to the Neptune-Mercury interchanges, these aspects would be beneficial to creative relationships. Both individuals have a lot to offer each other in terms of creativity. In the negative aspects, square or opposition, the mutual draw towards each other in a hedonistic fashion is still prominent, however there is a forbidden or confusing quality to these aspects. There’s a chance this pair, if romantically interested in each other, will never fully admit to their romantic feelings for one another, especially if there is nothing keeping this relationship from drifting apart. There is a tendency for one or both people to hide things from each other in general. Similar to the conjunction, if the Venus individual is a compassionate type, they should be cautious with those who’s Neptune opposites their Venus. Particularly with the opposition version of this, the Neptune individual may attempt to pull the Venus individual into their gloomy fog. In the negative aspects, this pair is susceptible to enabling each other’s guilty pleasures. Extra caution should be addressed if either people have an addictive personality or happen to have met at a rehabilitation centre.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Mars With the conjunction, this aspect in synastry is particularly beneficial in creative and business relationships (particularly work that is ruled by Mars, Neptune, or both). The combination of these two planets together is ambition soup. This pair is bound to make music, cinematic masterpieces, life-saving medicine and devices, or lead the free world. The Mars individual has the will, drive, and connections and the Neptune individual has the vision and deep understanding for what the world loves and needs. On the flip-side, there is a negative outcome with the conjunction (the square and opposition can be included here as well), particularly with closer relationships, that should be cautioned. Similar to the Venus-Neptune interchanges, there is susceptibility to bad indulgences. This pair should be extra wary if either have an addictive personality or a history with rehabilitation. This pair should also, just in general, avoid vices and substances as a means of inspiration. In addition to this, this pair should also take caution with radical groups, especially radical groups dealing with spirituality (phew, lots of precautions). With the trine and sextile, they too are beneficial for creative and business relationships. The difference between these aspects and the conjunction is that these aspects are a lot gentler in more intimate relationships and not likely to cause any sort of troubles. This leaves more room to bring that same beneficial energy seen in business and colleague relationships into intimate relationships. This pair will likely share a similar hobby, spiritual perspective, or effort/dedication to the world that they will undoubtedly be inspired to work on together. With the square and opposition, Mars is too harsh and triggers Neptune’s sensitivity and evasiveness. The Mars individual will likely find themselves disagreeing with the Neptune individual’s perception on spirituality, politics, culture, or the world in general. This disagreement can lead to aggressively prying at the Neptune individual to change resulting in the Neptune individual fleeting or withdrawing from the relationship.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Jupiter Interchanges between Neptune and Jupiter are not quite felt on a personal level as Jupiter is one of two social planets as discussed earlier with Uranus. Nevertheless, interchanges between these planets are still special, especially considering how deeply spiritual Neptune and Jupiter are. This combination is actually somewhat similar, spiritually speaking, as Venus-Jupiter interchanges if we consider Neptune being the supposed higher octave of Venus. In the positive aspects, conjunction, trine, and sextile, themes of spirituality will be very important in the relationship. With Jupiter’s expansive abilities, it excites the depths of Neptune. The relationship has a general feeling of goodness; there will be many moments where these two people feel absolutely mystified by each other or that they are very fortunate to have met each other. This euphoric connection sparks the desire to take chances. Jupiter wants to make the fantasies of Neptune a reality. This could look like a wide range of outcomes, but in essence, chances and opportunities that involve a lap of luxury, spiritual enlightenment, or euphoria are the dreams Jupiter wants to try and make a reality. The houses involved with these planets will indicate what kind of experiences will be created with this pair. Since Neptune encapsulates this sort of generational understanding of culture and social climate, this planet might be an area where an individual feels deep empathy or concern for the world. The Jupiter individual can aid these worries by showing the Neptune individual how to take action or change their perspective of the world. Once again, the houses involved with these planets will be telling of what these concerns are and how perspectives can be shifted. Along with the conjunction, the square and opposition (by mainly seen in the intensity of the conjunction or opposition) can trigger some over-indulgent tendencies. This pair should be wary of substance use, gambling, over consumption, and extreme belief systems making its way into the relationship. Neither planet has a good grip on reality or the consequences of careless actions; a strong Saturn influence in the relationship or in individual natal charts can aid these issues, particularly if the Jupiter-Neptune interchange is one of the more prominent aspects in the synastry chart.
One’s Neptune aspecting another’s Saturn Similar to interchanges to Jupiter, interchanges between Neptune and Saturn will not be felt on a very personal level as one is a generational planet and the other is a social planet. The most important thing to be noted about interchanges between these two planets is how different these two planets operate. One planet forgets and transcends reality, the other is stuck in reality. These two modes play an important role in their interpretation in synastry. The aspects between these planets will be of particular significance if either individual is Saturnian or Neptunian. In the positive interchanges, trine or sextile, the Saturn individual may benefit from the Neptune individual; Neptune can help Saturn with their rigidity, seriousness, disconnect from spirituality, and inability to step out of safety. On the other hand, Saturn can ground the Neptune individual and help them overcome irrational fears, disconnect from reality, and difficulties with direction. With the conjunction, there can be similar themes as the trine and sextile, however the conjunction’s intensity can match the challenges of the square and opposition. With the challenging aspects, these two planets differences represent a lesson in the synastry of two individuals. Again, the significance of these planets interactions are heavily dependent on whether either individual is Saturnian or Neptunian in nature, otherwise the challenges are vaguely a difference in beliefs. If either individual is Saturnian in nature, the challenging aspects remark being triggered by the Neptune individual’s beliefs, potential deceptiveness, and lack of regard/caution. Alternatively, if either individual fits the Neptunian profile, they may feel controlled, heavily critiqued, and limited by Saturn. If the challenging aspects propose a great theme in the synastry between two people, they will have to work on seeing each other’s perspectives otherwise this is very much an “agree to disagree” interaction.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Sun With the conjunction, there are two potential themes in synastry. One theme depends on how relevant Pluto is in an individual’s chart; one individual actually being quite Plutonian themselves will certainly experience this relationship differently than otherwise. In this instance, there can be fight for power in the relationship; the noble Solarian individual outshining the Plutonian individual; and the insurmountable Plutonian individual vanquishing the Solarian individual. This isn’t to say these two people couldn’t work together, they had just better have something in common that they can consider neutral territory. With their shared power, they can actually make great business partners. The second theme reads as more-so the general descriptor for Pluto conjunct the Sun, and the trine and sextile can also fall in line with this interpretation. Pluto interacting with another’s Sun positively can indicate a subconscious magnetism to each other. There is something about the Sun individual that sparks a slight obsession in the Pluto individual. If the Pluto individual is aware of this obsession and wants to pursue some sort of connection with the Sun individual, they will intricately weave their way into the Sun individual’s life until recognition is received. Given that the Pluto individual has likely carefully laid out their cards, the Sun individual will start to feel like there is something auspicious and significant about their connection. The mutual magnetism grows from there. Contacts between Pluto and personal planets are very commonly described by astrologers as karmic. This may or may not be the case, but it is important to note that Pluto is also commonly associated with past lives and things beyond our basic conception. Pluto-Sun interchanges does have credible significance in that powerful, unexplainable, and deep connections are formed when two people have these aspects in their synastry chart. With the square and opposition, the themes described with the conjunction and power struggles are also quite prevalent here. While these aspects don’t destroy a relationship, they are not without difficulties to overcome. The Pluto individual is often extremely envious of the Sun individual’s success at life. This almost completely blinds Pluto of their own potential, their own path in life, and just derails the idea that the universe has a different set of needs and experiences set out for Pluto. There is obviously a destructive outcome of a relationship like this where jealousy turns to hate. However, the saving grace in all of this is the humanity and love that can come from the Sun individual who sees Pluto. The Sun individual can illuminate Pluto’s strengths and their own path to success. They can even make a great team as long as Pluto doesn’t exhaust the aid from the Sun. There’s only so many times the Sun can say something like, “you and I are actually alike” before thinking Pluto refuses to help themselves.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Moon As mentioned in the Pluto-Sun interchanges, personal planets interacting with Pluto are time and time again described as a karmic connection. While this may or may not be true, to believe either is up to you, the significance in the connection is true. Pluto always brings about an unexplainable magnetism that adds magic to relationships. The Moon is quite concerned with the past and Pluto is concerned with the sort-of meta-past, thus synastry between these two planets bring about a sense of familiarity in a relationship; whether that is a good or bad familiarity. The Moon individual’s upbringing and childhood will be very telling on how this aspect will operate. With a rather rough or traumatic past, the Pluto individual could potentially reawaken those memories in the Moon individual. The intensity of the conjunction can see this being both a good and a bad thing. There is a potential for intense pain to be resolved and transformed as much as there is a potential for a scarred Moon person saying “hey, this relationship reminds me of a terrible part of my life and I can’t move past that.” The lessons that come from Moon-Pluto relationships are that of how much one really understands themselves emotionally; their traumas, boundaries, and relational schemas. They can be rather helpful to one’s growth. There is obvious ease with the positive interchanges, trine and sextile. With these aspects, the prying one does to the Moon individual’s past never crosses unforgivable territories. There can actually be a real, deep understanding for each other. In the negative interchanges, square and opposition, the Pluto individual might feel like they are walking on eggshells around the Moon individual. The Pluto individual reminds the Moon individual of someone in their past and there is a tendency to recreate that relationship to try and re-do things. Unless the Moon individual has a deep emotional understanding of themselves, this relationship will be prone to a very messy separation. It isn’t all on the Moon individual though, Pluto may have to work on their differentiation and kindness. Outside of intimate relationships, Pluto-Moon contacts can really put emotions into words, secrets into the light, and decode life’s intricacies when they work together. Possibly this is where the real magnetism for each other comes into play; these two will go to each other with an idea, or concept, or dream they had and give each other the perfect response. These two are always left thinking, “YOUR MIND!! ♡”
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Mercury While these two planets together do not say a lot about personal, emotional inner works of a relationship, they do work similarly to the Pluto-Moon aspects in that these two people just work well together mentally. Particularly with the conjunction, trine, or sextile, these two people will feel connected mentally and maybe even psychically. These two will have a lot to talk about; there is a never ending eagerness to expand on each other’s points. The Mercury individual will likely find the Pluto individual to have a very interesting, possibly even odd, way of understanding aspects of life. Pluto ignites an esoteric interest in Mercury thus the discussions these two will have will almost always lead to topics bigger than life. If these two happen to be coworkers or colleagues, they would make an incredible team at jobs that involve sleuthing or intense research. Additionally, a mentorship type relationship may form where the Mercury individual is drawn to the secrets and experience Pluto holds. In aspects square or opposition, these two people may be at odds with their perspective on life. Pluto symbolizes a deeper, emotional understanding in the relationships whereas Mercury symbolizes a realistic and logical perspective. There may be times where each individual’s valued perspective on life may be challenged by the other person. The lessons here would be that both individuals need to humble themselves around differing worldviews. Aside from heated arguments here and there, the negative aspects are not too challenging. These two people might even be drawn to each other for their differing mental and emotional skill sets.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Venus According to Linda Goodman’s book, Pluto-Venus contacts are karmic and may be a soul-mate indicator. As romantic as that sounds while you think about your hero in the dark or queen of the night, take “karmic” and “soul-mate” with a grain of salt! Especially if you’re the person with Pluto! Exploring Linda Goodman’s perspective on these aspects, a conjunction, trine, or sextile between two people remark intense magnetism towards each other. The force between each other may be so strong that they meet at the wrong place-wrong time, but given that these two have some soul-business to sort out, the time and place becomes right eventually. When these two meet for the first time, it is love at first sight; these two fit each other’s love map perfectly in a spiritual and emotional sense. The positive aspects remark commitment and connection. The intensity of the positive aspects described in Linda Goodman’s book would likely have to be supported by other major configurations in the synastry chart in order for it to be a true “soul-mate” indicator. Regardless, the infatuation is still prominent, especially for the Pluto individual. When another’s Venus activates one’s Pluto, the Pluto individual is absolutely hopeless for the Venus individual. This can trickle into obsessed territory (especially with the conjunction or tight orbs), so it would be wise for the Pluto individual to practice living in reality instead of seeing everything as a sign. Aside from the attraction side of Pluto-Venus contacts, in the positive contacts we can see a healing quality to this relationship. Especially if we consider the purpose of these planets and what they can do for each other when they come together. The thematics here deal with healing trauma, compassion, self love, and an exploration of spirituality and self. With the square or opposition, there is a similar magnetism as the other aspects, however much more difficulty and strife comes along with the square and opposition. The selfishness in Pluto is activated by the Venus individual. There may be upwellings of the past that Pluto brings into the relationship or the Pluto individual may be somewhat controlling or smothering. Other positive aspects in the synastry chart can negate Pluto’s power here. In all Pluto-Venus aspects, Pluto promises transformation in Venus. The two people involved with these aspects will learn a lot about themselves, relationships, and their values.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Mars The positive contacts between Pluto and Mars can be described by a few words, “great power.” With the conjunction, trine, or sextile in synastry, these two individuals would make great business partners. There is, of course, a great capacity for attraction as well and in that case, we can name this pair a power couple. The conjunction does have the potential to manifest itself in an unfavourable manner. If both individuals are considerably strong willed and in need of being in control, this relationship can reach a boiling point over who has say over matters (the houses involved may give insight to these “matters”). Arguments are explosive; Mars is relentless and Pluto is vengeful. A deep, mutual passion for one another is the only thing that will keep this relationship from falling apart if there isn’t any other favourable aspects in the synastry chart. Time spent away from each other can also cool things off when things get too heated. The opposition is similar to the intensity of the conjunction. In conflict, these two will need to compromise for each other. Both people can’t be right or in control 100% of the time– both individuals need to take a step down from time to time to allow the other person to have matters their way. Emphasis on BOTH. The square could potentially be the most difficult Pluto-Mars contact as there isn’t much seeing eye-to-eye to share a business or be a power couple. There also isn’t much room for meeting each other halfway. Both individuals are gonna have matters their way and the other person will just have to deal with it! It would be wise for these two to avoid provoking arguments.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Jupiter As mentioned with the other two generational planets, interchanges between Pluto and Jupiter are not felt significantly on a personal level. There is however little noticeable nuances and symbolism that can be picked up. There is also a bit of a social commentary, something on a grander scope, that can be said about the relationship when these two planets interact. With the conjunction, trine, or sextile, the Jupiter person augments the spiritual side of the Pluto individual. Jupiter really brings the curiosity and weird out of Pluto; these two will find themselves delving into the unknown more often than prior to meeting. Fiery planets, such as Jupiter, interacting with Pluto are always good for business matters. These two would make great business partners with Jupiter’s celebrity-like qualities and Pluto’s insatiable desire to be CEO of something big. The way in which these two people are associated with each other could be for reasons connected to a larger social matter; perhaps these two met through politics, or a protest, or even just a philosophy class! Wherever it was they met, it was as big as a network and depthless in human importance. The square and opposition are not the worst synastry aspects in the world thanks to the benevolent nature of Jupiter’s touch. There may be spiritual and moral disagreements between these two individuals; the reason for their differences will take root in the houses associated with these planets.
One’s Pluto aspecting another’s Saturn As mentioned before, the combination of a generational planet and Saturn isn’t always felt on a personal level as these are not considerably personal planets. However, there is a strange energy to this combination, two lord-like planets interacting with each other. Especially if Saturn is a chart ruler. With the conjunction in particular, both planets potency oh-so-strategically prys open each other’s secrets, shortcomings, and traumas. The conjunction’s intensity can swing both ways where this can be good or bad, depending on the rest of the synastry chart. The square and opposition lean more-so towards “bad.” It doesn’t help if these two people come from different socioeconomic or cultural backgrounds as there is a fight as to who’s hardships were worse. With this all said, Pluto-Saturn interactions in general tend to go unnoticed. One good Venus interaction and you won’t even be thinking about Pluto and Saturn. The trine and sextile are as equally strange (feeling/energy wise) as the conjunction, however it is important to note that these aspects can make two individuals good business partners. Both powerful planets in business, these two people will be making executive decisions together and expanding their brand’s empire. Oh, and these two are likely going to be in each other’s lives for a long time!
✧・゚: *✧・゚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧・゚:* Stay tuned (patiently...) for part two! In the next part I will go over the personal planets in synastry.
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Copyright © 2022 by @callistolivia
#astrology#synastry#generational planets#uranus#neptune#pluto#im not checking spelling errors or any of that#so bear with me lol this was a long one#took months
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tl;dr trans origin story
So, what have I done so far? How did I arrive to this point? Well, I kind of always knew that I wished I had been born a girl, but for many years I suppressed these feelings. I can remember as far back as age 4, seeing my older female cousin Jaimie and wishing I could look like her.
(Warning: I talk briefly about a sexual encounter below.)
I'd been somewhat familiar with feminizing HRT, FFS and vaginoplasty since I was an early adolescent thanks to cable TV, and transitioning seemed like such an extreme process (because it is) that it seemed impossibly expensive to achieve the results that I wanted for myself. I'd always been fascinated with hearing the stories of trans people and would watch anything related to them them any chance I got. My favourite movie since I was 16 years old was, and still is to this day, Breakfast on Pluto, a story about an Irish transwoman. How curious that it didn't occur to me until later in life that I loved this movie because I wanted to be like the main character.
Throughout the years there were other signs, like playing dress-up with my best friend and wearing their femme clothes, which led to the appearance of my Southern belle alter-ego Annabelle in our late teens while the True Blood series was still popular. Yes, with a big, floppy hat y todo. 👒
Shortly after moving to Seattle, I'd come to the realisation that I'd never been comfortable with a male identity and decided to start identifying as non-binary and using they/them pronouns.
There were two main catalysts that made me come to terms with my inner womanhood this past year. The first was a sexual encounter I had with a bisexual man who wanted me to wear panties for him. As we had sex, he sexualised me as a woman and referred to me as a woman. It made me feel validated and desired in a way that I had never been before, and it felt so right and perfect somehow. This encounter, as you might imagine, made me reflect long and hard about my gender identity.
The second catalyst was an Italki Spanish conversation class. My teacher is a trans woman, and the topic of discussion was gender identity. At one point during our discussion, she asked me, "What part of you wants to cling to the masculine?" and I realised that I didn't really have an answer for her. I realised that I was clinging to masculinity (or vestiges of it, lol) because I wanted to please other people, rather than make myself happy and discover my true identity.
A couple days later, on July 20th 2022, I decided that it was time to start doing something about it. I started by telling close friends, and it wasn't long before I settled on the name Aurelia and started to try presenting as female to the best of my ability. I'm very fortunate to work in a very trans-friendly city at a very trans-friendly business with exceptional health insurance for individuals who seek in gender affirming care. Having already worked alongside several trans people at my job, I felt comfortable enough to start coming out to my coworkers right away. They, of course, accepted me with open arms and have been amazing at using my preferred name and pronouns. A few of them even gave me clothes!
I then, of course, started shopping. In addition to makeup and clothes, I bought an epilator, silicone breast forms, mastectomy bras, a few different styles of gaffs as well as tucking tape. Not at all once, of course, 'cause all that shit was expensive. (Especially the gaffs! I tried two styles, a cheap $20 Amazon that was bulky and inaffective, and a $40 that works amaaazingly. $40 is a lot, but after I started ordering one every paycheque, I think she took notice and started sending me two per order, which was super sweet of her. Thanks, Lexy B Blair!)
I found a doctor who specialises in transgender care through my insurance and on September 6th, I started taking my HRT medications. After 5 weeks, I've seen slight (though not yet visible) breast tissue growth, skin softening, and thinning and softening of body hair. It's hard for me to gauge any emotional or psychological changes, since I was a very emotional person before HRT, lol. I guess I get angry way less often, but I also feel like this was true before I started HRT and has more to do with the relief I felt immediately after coming out that I was finally allowing myself to present female.
On October 13th, I got registered for laser hair removal, and I'll begin my first treatments in November! I'm so tired of shaving every day and having to use orange colour corrector and a full face of heavy foundation just to have a "natural" look. My facial hair comes in really dark, so no matter how close I shave, they leave behind a greenish undertone to my skin, which is why I need the colour corrector.
So, now what? We wait for the hormones to do their job. I probably won't notice any major changes until a year in, and the full effects could take 3-4 years. I asked my doctor about progesterone to help with breast development, and he wants to try it when I'm 6 months to a year in. Depending on how well that works, I may or may not eventually want breast augmentation.
Another procedure I'm definitely interested in is facial feminisation surgery. Because I went through a testosterone-based puberty during my adolescence, my jawline is very angular and I have a protruding brow bone compared to before I started puberty. HRT is supposed to help a little bit with rounding of the face via fat redistribution, but this won't be noticeable for at least a year. So, I suppose the plan will be to see how satisfied I am after the three year mark, and if not, look into getting the procedure.
And then, of course, there's the surgery that cispeople are most obsessed with: ✨vaginoplasty✨. Will I get it? First of all, if you don't already know this, please don't ever ask a trans person this question. As for me, I'm still conflicted. I don't believe in the concept of "completely transitioning" and don't think that genital surgery is a necessary step in a gender transition. I would be completely content keeping my genitals and would still feel as complete of a woman as any other. And yet, when it really comes down to it, I think I would still prefer a vagina to a penis if given the choice... which, I guess I have? But then, of course, there's the whole surgery itself, which is very extensive and scary, with a rough recovery. Plus the extensive dilations. Hmm, I just don't know about all that. If I did it, which I honestly don't think I will, I would want a very talented doctor who will perform a labiaplasty, clitoroplasty, and vaginoplasty, and who has multiple photographs of the results of former patients.
So, that's all, folks. If you're still reading this, thank you for listening to me overshare, lol.
#hrt update#mtf trans#trans#transgender#transfemme#transfem#trans woman#transgirl#trans positivity#vaginoplasty#gender affirming surgery#gender affirming care
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BTS and Shipping Culture Part 2
Since I posted the first part of BTS and shipping culture, I have talked about this in numerous occasions and further explained some of my views through the asks I received. But after having a very interesting talk with some friends, I decided to add some of my thoughts in what is the second part where I want to focus on how several ship dynamics have remained unchanged throughout the years and why this particular aspect is very much related to fantasy.
Another thing that prompted me to dig a little deeper were the 3 concerts in Seoul, in particular the few interactions between Yoongi and Jimin which can be classified as shipping material. When it comes to Yoonmin, they're seen as the everlasting bickering couple. They get on each other's nerves, but they also flirt while being playful with each other. We've seen them trying to reach towards each other's hands, while separated in different carts, with a Jimin that on the last day refused to play the game, looking a lot like a cat who likes to cause trouble. And there was another part when Yoongi got close to Jimin, slightly pushing him while Jimin acted like he didn't want to take part in it. Classic Yoonmin behavior. But this behavior, or at least how it's interpreted and categorized by shippers, has been constant for years, despite the fact that both Jimin and Yoongi are not the same as when they were in their early 20s, they aged and the way people act towards their friends/coworkers is automatically influenced by that. The Yoonmin dynamic has been established years ago and hasn't really changed in the shipping eyes at all. The pair is stuck in this box that brings satisfaction to their shippers because they love to see that and this is nothing but a clear evidence that it's all just fantasy, as it ignores the development and growth of them as real people. Looking at it through a more realistic lens it's not that entertaining. And that's a crucial aspect, as shipping is an entertainment practice. Nothing wrong with that, as we're talking here about a segment of pop culture which should be fun.
If we look at other ships within BTS, we can see the same mechanism at play. A lot of them can be found across the entire K-Pop spectrum while some of them are specific to a certain group, but nonetheless established very clearly, almost from the early stages. Namkook is a ship that works perfectly for a large audience that doesn't necessarily need to take it seriously, but the dynamic is easily recognizable, as it's also something often portrayed in media as well, which is the mentor-mentee dynamic. Namkook is an interesting case because it has remained almost the same, a constant not just through the eyes of the shippers, but also because Jungkook himself has had a big part in making sure that his relationship with Namjoon is seen in a certain way. The reason why he decided to join Big Hit, his reaction to Namjoon's thighs, are all stories which became part of the BTS lore, often repeated in interviews to this day, or the ''crush confession'' in Winter Package. Before I move on to other ships, I want to be very clear here that I'm not saying that Jungkook is actively working with the company to create shipping content or that there's some manufactured plan. I don't want to be misinterpreted. When I say Jungkook has had a helping hand, I mean that when it comes to a music group, well established stories work very well, especially when they focus on positive influences and are somehow wholesome. Namkook is a very harmless ship, which is usually why it's so widely accepted by the entire fandom, a bond that can be a topic of discussion without anyone starting a ship war.
Another harmless ship would be Vmin, except here things are a bit more complex than Namkook. It's a ship that once again is widely accepted in the fandom and their dynamic has been pretty much the same. The same age friends who love each other very much, they're heavy on skinship, but due to their age, they can also have fights that are seen and talked about, which allowed us the fans see a more angry/petty side of Jimin because he can do that with his friend. Their dumpling incident has also became part of the BTS lore, ''canonized'' through the song ''Friends'' which, similar to the Namkook ship, has ended up in this form through the help of the men themselves. Jimin and Taehyung had ever since the beginning a certain type of close relationship that has remained constant through this day. Vmin are supposedly loved unanimously by the fandom because the dynamic has been the same and it's rarely questioned. No one, so to speak, has any problem with Vmin. I would say that Sope resembles Vmin more that Namkook because with Sope, Yoongi and Hobi also established their ship and are active participants, even if nowadays they're not that active as a ship. They use their ship name, they had a stage in which they sang together a trot song, and so on.
There are of course ships within BTS which either don't have much traction today as they had in the past, or they're not part of the ships that are seen romantic by the fandom in general, like each relationship that Hobi has with the Maknae line. The Hobi-Maknae line dynamic is one that is cherished by the fandom at large as Hobi acts with them as a hyung, but one who is more playful and close to the younger ones, stuck in the middle.
Jikook started with an established dynamic which offered shippers the perfect type of ship/fantasy material – the doting hyung and the maknae who is a brat that refuses him. It's very catchy and it worked well in the beginning, despite the fact that this specific dynamic has changed in the following years. But it hasn't gone away completely. Jikook shippers may write essays ''debunking'' or saying how this is not the case anymore, but that early Jikook dynamic is still used in certain parts of the fandom, in particular by other shippers who, interestingly enough, use that argument against the present ship dynamic, such as Jungkook doesn't like Jimin, Jungkook is uncomfortable. Which only proves my point, which is that shippers need well established narratives in order to not only make sense of their ship, but also other ships.
There are two ships in BTS which got out of the pre-established box of ship dynamics. Jikook, as I mentioned above, and Taekook. Both ships could have easily remained the same, as we've seen with other cases, but both ships developed throughout the years, albeit in very different ways. Of course there are residual elements that are part of the way in which shipping works in K-Pop, like the size difference, which is mostly an exaggeration, but in a lot of cases is used in the context of the more sexual aspects of the ship and in Jikook and Taekook's case, Jungkook is used in the same way in both ships. As for Taekook, their core, at least in the first years, was based on how Tae helped Jungkook get out of his shell, they became close friends and as both have mentioned before, they got scolded together a lot. Looking at BTS content, it's very clear that when Jungkook was a teenager, he acted quite childish in certain situations and Tae was the partner in crime. It's the Hyung-Maknae but who act as chingus, being goofy. There you have it, a perfect K-Pop ship dynamic that could have easily continued to be seen as that in the eyes of the shippers, just as we've seen with Yoonmin, despite the fact that both Taehyung and Jungkook have matured. Just as Yoonmin as a ship remained the same, regardless of the changes that occurred with the real people, Taekook could have taken the same path. Which really begs the question, why was the dynamic changed so much by their shippers, when they had a perfectly good ship on their hands? Why did it had to go from a harmless ship, just like most of the BTS ships, to one that is part of an entire theory in which Taekook are star crossed lovers, controlled by an evil company? The shippers went from a fun dynamic to one that is closer to a melodrama and it turned the Taekook ship into one that is no longer part of the usual fantasy ship, but a different type of fantasy.
Every ship has a base in reality, the members' personality and relationship with each other. But in order to make sense of someone's real life, a person who is still a stranger in relation to his audience who will always only reveal a few parts of himself, the shippers need to establish a baseline, consisting of a few elements that become the signature dynamic of that ship. It makes it easier to understand and not take it seriously too much. The only harmful part in this practice is that in this entire process, shippers often forget that relationships are never constant, be it of a friendship nature or a romantic one. Using well established tropes that have been there for years leads to not being able to observe the changes which can be interesting in their own way. It's definitely a more realistic approach, but who wants realism when you can have fantasy?
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My complicated opinion on Keith Kogane
Keith Kogane is definitely one of the more popular characters in the VLD fandom. People love brooding emo bad boys.
My feelings on Keith are... complicated. I definitely don’t hate him. I have a lot of problems with the character but I don’t think I could ever bring myself to actually hate him. Mainly because I kinda relate to him. We both have problems controlling our emotions, interacting with people, and making friends.
And we both have trouble believing there are people who truly have our best interests at heart and won’t abandon us because we’re a burden.
What I do hate is the way his character was written and the way it negatively impacted the characters around him.
There are definitely a lot of factors that contributed to VLD ending up the way it did. But to me, Keith and the writers insistence on pushing him to the forefront was the poison that killed the show.
Ok, before we get into this whole rant I feel like I should talk about the things I do like about Keith.
I like the premise of Keith’s character. He’s half Galra and never really fit in on Earth. He didn’t act like the other “normal” kids so kids made fun of him and adults didn’t want to deal with him. So in order to protect himself from the pain of rejection he would put up a tough angry facade and push people away and reject them before they could reject him.
This is something that really resonates with me personally having grown up neurodivergent. It’s awful growing up in a world that isn’t made for people like you and not knowing how to interact with or connect with your peers. Especially when you don’t know why you’re like that.
You learn to avoid social interaction because it always ends up negative. You put up walls because you don’t feel like anybody understands you or what you’re going through.
I know the writers probably didn’t intend to code Keith as neurodivergent. They just wanted Keith to be a hothead with abandonment issues, but nonetheless, this interpretation means a lot to me.
I also really like his relationship with Shiro. Keith is so used to being left behind and abandoned that when he meets someone like Shiro who’s patient and genuinely cares it’s new and strange. He’s so ready for Shiro to abandon him, even telling Shiro to send him back to the home, but Shiro refuses to leave him and tells Keith ethat he’s never going to give up on him.
It’s also interesting to see how their relationship develops over time. It’s clear Keith trusts Shiro, but you can tell that that fear of abandonment is still there deep down. In S2, Keith tells Shiro that he’s like a brother to him, and then in season 6, he takes the extra step and tells Shiro that he IS his brother and that he loves him. And for someone like Keith, telling their friend they love them is a big scary thing.
And also it’s just great to see a platonic “I love you,” especially between two guys. Don’t be afraid to tell your bros you love them!!!
Now let’s talk about the stuff I didn’t like.
Keith doesn’t have much going for him in terms of personality. He’s just sorta brooding and serious all the time. He does make jokes occasionally but it’s rare. The writers were more focused on making him cool and badass rather than fun.
I always loved the idea of Keith as a cocky carefree asshole who doesn’t give a shit about rules/laws and is kinda rude/aggressive but has a heart of gold deep down and would do anything for the people he cares about. (Just like a cat.)
I would also make him more alien esc. In terms of design I like the idea of Keith having red eyes with narrow pupils and fangs. And also just small things like the way he walks and holds himself. He growls and bears his teeth when he’s angry, his hair puffs up when scared, he’s fast and agile, disappearing and reappearing without making much noise, small things.
Then you have his race and sexuality. I have no doubt in my mind that Keith was intended to be a straight white dude. A lot of people see him as gay and Asian but there’s no evidence for this in canon. Acxa was originally intended to be his love interest and his race was never mentioned in canon. His name isn’t even Kogane in canon. (And the race of the voice actor doesn’t equal the race of the character. If that was the case Shiro, Hunk, and Lance would be white.)
They should’ve totally made Keith Japanese like he was in the original. It would’ve been so easy! Just canonize Kogane as his last name and have the book say he’s half Japanese half Galra. They could’ve also done what they did with Shiro and keep his og GoLion name. Just have him be Akira Kogane. Definitely cooler than “Keith.”
And as for his sexuality, I definitely think they should’ve had Keith be gay. But well get to that Later...
I also don’t like how they handled the whole Krolia thing. Not only was it crazy rushed, but it completely goes against the shows theme of found family.
Keith’s arc should’ve been about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to accept the paladins as family. But instead they just get rid of the abandonment issues by just giving him his mom back.
I know a lot of people love Krolia but I don’t feel like she should’ve been introduced in anything other than flashbacks. Because Keith’s mom isn’t really that important. The show is about found family and friendship, not blood relation.
You can definitely have Keith learn about his mom and his family, but I feel like giving him his mom back was too much.
Personally, I always headcanoned that Kolivan was Keith’s grandfather or just a close friend of Krolia’s, and when Keith showed up at the Blade’s base Kolivan recognized the blade as his Krolia’s. Keith could learn about his mom through Kolivan telling him about her, how she was a great person and warrior who died fighting to make the universe a safer place for her son.
Another thing I didn’t like was the whole Keith leaving the team for the Blades thing. I know why he did it, he felt like the team was gonna reject him, he wanted to be more useful, and wanted to learn about his family, but I feel like you could’ve touched on all that without having him abandon his team.
One of the biggest problems with the show is that they did a bad job at establishing the paladins as friends, they feel like coworkers more than anything, and I feel like Keith being absent for two seasons contributed to that.
And his absence is hardly addressed. The team forms Voltron perfectly without him and no one ever says they miss him. Keith doesn’t even seem like he missed them after being gone for two years.
And a lot of the weight was taken out of that Keith v Kuron fight by the fact that Keith and Kuron hardly interacted.
That whole thing amounted to four things, Keith meeting Krolia (which I don’t think should’ve happened), them finding the colony (which was a dumb plot I don’t think should’ve happened), Keith aging up two years (which was weird and unnecessary), and Keith meeting Kosmo (which is... complicated).
I don’t think this plot was necessary. Keith should’ve stayed with his team.
Then you have his relationship with Lance. I know people are very sensitive about this topic. People have very strong opinions about whether or not Keith and Lance were intended to be romantically coded.
Personally, I do like Klance but I don’t believe they were romantically coded. I think if you want them to get together some things would have to go differently.
For example, the bonding moment. In canon, Lance tells Keith, “we make a good team.” I don’t see this as referring to him and Keith. I think he was talking about the whole team. If you want it to be about the two of them, I feel like it should be Lance telling Keith something like, “ya know, you’re not so bad after all,” and then Keith smiles and responds, “you’re not so bad yourself.”
Another example could be the scene where Lance comes to Keith with his insecurities. (Whether it’s as a leader or a friend.) This scene was weird in canon, Lance comes to Keith for advice and Keith basically tells him to just stop thinking about it.
I would prefer if Lance brought up to Keith how he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough or that he doesn’t have, “a thing,” and Keith is completely dumbfounded like, “what are you even talking about?” He goes on about all the good shit about Lance. Talks about how Blue chose him, how he’s a great shot, how he’s good at dealing with people, meanwhile Lance is standing there in shock as Keith says all these nice things about him.
Over all you would just have to develop their relationship more. More meaningful interactions. And if you want the relationship to be romantic you would have to establish that early on. Establish that one or both has romantic feelings for the other in like S1/S2 because if you wait too long it’s gonna feel forced/out of no where.
And then... you have the Black Paladin arc... I’m gonna be real with y’all, this is the arc that killed the show for me, for a few reasons.
One, even ignoring the whole quintessence bond thing, it makes no sense for Keith to be the bp. He doesn’t fit the role. I adore Shiro but choosing Keith as his successor was a dumb move. I get that he saw potential in Keith but they’re are fighting a war, there’s no room for favoritism.
Shiro should’ve chosen Allura as his successor. Not only does she have actual leadership experience, but you would only have one paladin in a new Lion instead of three.
If a lifeguard breaks his leg and can’t work, he should choose an experienced swimmers to take his place, not his little bro that’s still in water wings in the hopes that it’ll teach him to swim.
Two, Keith being the bp doesn’t help his arc. Keith’s arc is about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to be a team player, he doesn’t need to be the leader for that.
VLD should’ve been about the paladins growing into the best versions of themselves they could be. Their development shown by unlocking new abilities in their respective lions, new forms for their bayards, and new Voltron bayard power ups. They shouldn’t have to change lions and themselves.
Keith and Red have a strong bond and work great together. Keith and Red are both temperamental, unpredictable, and have issues with trust. Keith having to fight to get Red to trust and open up to him mirrors how others have to fight to earn Keith’s trust and get him to let down his walls.
It would’ve been interesting to see them grow together. Keith has no emotional connection with Black.
We never even get to see them bond. Keith just suddenly becomes the “perfect” bp/leader because he got over his mommy issues
Three, it’s a MASSIVE disservice to Shiro’s character. Shiro put all the work in earning his position as the bp, he literally fits fought Zarkon on the astral plane to earn her trust, yet Keith is the true bp? What?
It sucks. Sendak told Shiro that a monster like him could never be a paladin and the writers went and proved him right. Hell Shiro didn’t even get to kill Sendak, Keith got that too.
And don’t tell me, “but he got the Atlas!” REALLY!? A massive Deus ex machina that required absolutely no effort from him to acquire!? Filled with a bunch of rando background characters no one gives a shit about!? You’re totally right, that 100% makes up for it.
I could go on and on about how the treatment of Shiro in this show (and fandom) is blatantly ableist but that’s a rant for another time.
It sucks. I want to like Keith! He had the potential to be an amazing character but the writers just kept on trying to turn him into something he wasn’t and it ruined him for me.
They kept trying to turn Keith into the main character and ignored that ALL the paladins are the main characters. It’s an ensemble cast! You don’t have to have everything come back to one guy.
#voltron#voltron legendary defender#voltron legendary discourse#vld#vld critical#keith kogane#keith vld#red paladin keith#klance#krolia#black paladin shiro#takashi shirogane#vld shiro#black lion#red lion#galra#galra keith#blade of marmora
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@himncskur ( Sarah ) : 14﹕ a text that was never sent . | 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑬 . ( selectively accepting ) *also a continuation of x
The discipline to not check her personal messages until break time or after work hours is obliterated when she sees several sent in the middle of the night and Sarah as the sender. 3AM is a troubling time and immediately she fears something is wrong so she breaks her own protocol and reads them — a mistake.
Aware she hit a sour note that past evening over drinks by simply stating a difference of opinion on those who choose certain “entertainment” over others. She hardly pushed it, one single remark opining the loss of humanity, the loss of helping one another from folly, and Sarah stormed off in a fury. Rude was Brianne’s confused take, especially if someone deems you a friend. But then, Sarah’s emotional baggage is so heavy, the topic so raw, certainly she does not want to hear about kinder solutions. Maybe Brianne was being insensitive.
But then this. It feels like being back in high school. The type of petty drama Brianne would adamantly avoid like the plague. She knew rekindling a relationship with someone from twenty years ago and whose current situation is so far removed from her own would be difficult. An acquaintanceship was all she truly sought; an occasional meet up when the schedule allowed to chat nostalgically and then try to find some branches of affinity to hold onto. Easier said than done when one is a modest corpo and another an erotic BD star.
But Sarah seemed more keen on jumping into something deeper, perhaps searching for connection to a lost life before that trauma caged her in. A shoulder to cry on. Brianne can be that friend and has so many times, extending herself to the plight of others at disregard for her own emotional well-being. But right now with the stress of her own life, why must she take on another person’s problems? And why should she risk the relation to someone with so much scandal in the screamsheets. Even more stress. That’s the real problem, isn’t it? Ruthless coworkers are always looking for a way to twist the truth, then pull her position from under her. It’s too risky.
Sarah assumes as much unfortunately. It is there, screaming out in her text — I have enough people making me feel like I’m something dirty or broken. I don’t need my friend doing it too. It is not her intent to make her feel like this, never would be, but it is the public eye nonetheless.
With a regretful sigh, Brianne begins a reply:
[ Sarah time pending ] I’m so sorry you feel this way and for having a hand in dealing it. With work as it is and our lives so diverged, I’m not sure I can be that friend you need right now. What we had in the past, it was special. Your company made those lonely conference runs bearable and I always enjoyed our chats in between. But that was a long time ago. With my work as busy as it is and our lives so diverged, I think it impossible to expect us to find what we had again. I’m not trying to make you feel a certain way about yourself through my tendency to hope for change. A change I sincerely hope your life will see someday soon. But I am certain our viewpoints differ so much that mine if spoken will only continue to cause quarrel. Again, I’m sorry Sarah. Please take care of yourself, turn the strength you have left inward and heal.
But she doesn’t send it and lets it lie, returning to her rule for no personal messaging until break time. Even then, on that short ten minute interval between meetings, it is forgotten. She has too many other problems to fix and too many other people relying on her already.
#himncskur#(( sorry sarah 😭#she probably ghosts her for awhile and not totally intentional. work just makes managing her social life hard and hence she has none -_- ))#( answers ) .#v ( cyberpunk 2077 ) .#( interactions ) .
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Hello! I've been going through your replies lately and have noticed that you have provided some life advice in your past replies. Wondering if you would be able to help me out on this one? You seem very level headed :) Me and my friend recently got into a argument about politics - he has been becoming very conservative lately and i am very liberal and queer. We got into a disagreement in Nov last year and haven't talked since. I miss him and am dying to talk to him again. Any Advice?
It’s easy to be level headed in text replies because I’m forced to read what I write as I’m writing it sksksk. I also get to be vague since I don’t ever really have details on people’s issues, which I think makes me sound wiser than I am. This situation is pretty relatable and tbh, I’m never really sure what’s a good answer for it having gone through it myself with family members and coworkers. There are times that politics are just politics (when they are just differences in perspectives towards life and governmental involvement in it that are mostly theoretical or philosophical or genuinely debatable topics like the benefits of one kind of spending over another). At times like these you can just...not talk about them if you’re non-confrontational by nature. Or agree that you are fundamentally different people who will never agree on this topic, which is my personal fave when people get really heated. Or you can argue, as long as arguing isn’t something that will totally fracture your friendship. People are different and I think there’s a growing movement in Western society that kindof...doesn’t accept that people have different experiences and no one has to necessarily be wrong in their views and that arguing can be a great way to learn and diversify. A lot of people take arguing as a simple “you think I’m wrong and evil” and...yeah. It doesn’t go so good. However, there are also times where someone’s politics become more than that - when they personally affect you or people around you in a tangible way that is rooted in ignorance (when something is demonstrably wrong) or hatred (something meant to hurt or eliminate a specific group for the benefit of another). In the scenario that this person’s politics are core values, things that they consider part of their identity, and they conflict with your own core values...I don’t think a close friendship will ever really work out. However, when you’re young you pick up lots of things and try them on. Sometimes those things are the political perspectives of your parents or peers. If this is just a phase for them, or if it’s been something you’ve been watching them slowly slide into through internet circles, there’s a chance for open and honest discussion about why their politics hurt you. There’s a chance that you can also be patient with this person and support their core values that align with your own as they figure this out for themselves. Since you still miss them, I’m assuming that this is less a core value conflict and more of a ‘they tried on hard conservatism and found it justified their biases or boosted their personal feelings of self worth, never considering how it paints people like you’, and so I’d suggest trying to contact them about how their politics made you feel in a way that avoids accusatory language (”When you say you think that people should be able to evoke their religious freedoms to deny people like me access to necessities, I feel as if you value a stranger’s hatred of me over my quality of life. It’s difficult for me to equate religious freedom with my right to exist - I feel as if you see my presence as a political statement to be argued for or against”). You’d be surprised at the impact conversations like that can have, especially when you’ve been sitting on them for months. It’s never too late! Regarding that above bit of advice - depending on who stopped talking to whom re: who was angriest at the end of that disagreement, it’s possible that they’ve been waiting all this time for the chance to open a dialogue and understand what they did wrong (if you were the angry one). If they walked away and felt that you thought they were a terrible person, though, it might be best to be extra gentle in approaching them again with the fact that you feel their politics are harmful but you don’t hate them personally. In the scenario that this person is now an activist for hate - ie for dialogues or actions that are actively harmful (”I’d support kicking all immigrants out of this country. They don’t need to be here. Refugees are murderers!”), I don’t feel like mercy is ever truly an option. A lot can be said for dealing with hate with patience and teaching, but I’m not about that on a personal level. If they were still actively in your life, I’d encourage you to fight them and show them that behaviour isn’t ok. Since they aren’t, though, I’d turn missing them into mourning who they used to be and accepting that, while they continue to spill vitriol, they aren’t my friend anymore and may never be again. I might also consider getting closure (for myself) by telling them that I miss them but don’t want them in my life when they preach something so terrible, though this is risky in that it gives them an opportunity to reply and hurt you again. TLDR: if you feel like the differences between you two are more opinion based or philosophical, maybe being at odds will be good for the both of you. If you feel like they’re more fundamental, try opening up about why their fundamentals conflict with yours in a way that is more personal than it is ethical. If they’re preaching straight up hate, mourn them and move on.
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Your library info is incredibly cool and helpful but I have a bit of a specific question. I kinda did badly in college and continue to do badly (less than 3.0 gpa) and have been completing it very slowly. I failed a few classes due to not doing the work while unmedicated. But archival work is one of the few things I can see myself loving to do. Do I have a chance for grad school, or even getting into it?
I’m sorry you’ve had that experience! That really stinks, and I’m impressed that you’re still working so hard to get past that with everything you’ve gone through. It says a lot about your character and work ethic (which can work to your advantage; see #1 below).
I have to admit, I’m not positive how helpful I can be; I’m very bad at most things, but my one talent seems to be getting good grades, so I don’t have personal experience with maneuvering academic struggles. I’m also not an admissions rep, though I do work in a (community) college so maybe I’m a little more familiar than the average joe? And I did work for our grad school’s library/archives department, though I wasn’t exactly privy to their acceptance decisions because I was a glorified secretary, but . . . well, who knows? Take all of this with a grain of salt, because I’m a big dum-dum, but maybe something here will be helpful.
Or maybe someone super smart will rb this with a ton of useful info. That’s the dream!
Also, a lot of this is coming from a Princeton Review article about literally this topic, if you want a less personal and meandering version of the below tips.
TL;DR Forest’s Non-Expert Recommendations for Grad School Without the Best GPA:
Acknowledge it in your communications with the school, and maybe even your application. They’re going to see those grades anyway, so it’s not like more context is a bad thing.
Take more classes, especially ones related to archives and records administration, and nail those.
Kick the GRE’s ass and give a really good application overall.
Experience! Related experience!!!
Get to know the school you’re interested in -- and make sure they know you.
1. I’ll admit, based on a quick glance through some of the archival programs in the U.S., it does look like a 3.0 GPA is just about the baseline for admittance, which isn’t the best news. (Unless you manage to get a 3.0 by the time you graduate, in which case you’re pretty much good for most schools.) My suggestion there would be, whether or not you can bump your grades up with current and future classes, sharing some info -- to your level of comfort -- about your situation in your cover letter/application: acknowledge the grades issue, explain the reason, and illustrate how you’ve improved since then. Even if your final GPA isn’t all that high, it’ll prime the admissions folks to look at it with the understanding that you had a handicap. Your grades are a story over time, and I imagine if you can show improvement and draw their attention to that via a cover/recommendation letter(s), that could be really useful.
2. Obviously, the easiest answer -- to say, not to do! -- is just “get your grades up.” Which is . . . not terribly helpful. The good news there is that the more classes you ace the better your average will be, so if you can afford (literally, in time, money, or spoons) to take some extra courses, you can drag that score up. Especially if you focus on courses related to archives -- English, History, Political Science, Public Administration, Computer Science, Data Analysis, etc. -- and blast those to smithereens, it looks like it won’t necessarily matter as much if you didn’t nail, say, calculus or physics.
3. That above linked post is . . . well, yes, it’s from Reddit, but it does seem pretty good overall. Another recommendation it mentions is to do really well on the GRE; I talked a little bit about the GRE in my last post, and you can get tons of practice tests and other study material on their site; when I took the test back in 2015, you got the study material for free when you signed up to take the exam, but I’m not sure what the situation is there nowadays. That test is a big bucket of not-fun, but I can almost guarantee any program you look at will want it. In addition to being required in most programs, a really impressive score can encourage admissions folks to overlook your grades. (Note: this is basically true for any part of your application. If your resume, cover letter, recommendations, test scores, etc. are particularly banging, it can overcome deficiencies in other areas.)
4. Girl (or boy, or both, or none of the above), if you can volunteer, intern, or work somewhere relevant, not only do have an awesome potential reference in your supervisor/coworkers, but it looks REALLY GOOD on an application. Obviously now’s not a great time for this, considering the whole pandemic thing, but as stuff starts to open take a look at museums, historical societies, and libraries in your area. See if anyone needs help. The more experience you have, the more you’ll have to talk about in your cover letter, the more you’ll have to make your resume stand out, and the more you’ll be prepared for the actual program and life beyond. I cannot recommend getting some volunteer experience (or paid work, if you can swing it) highly enough.
5. Like most of what’s available, this is a bit dependent on your spoons, time, and maybe even money, but the sooner you can develop a relationship with the folks in the archives school/department you’re interested in, the better. Email them with literally this question; they’ll have a much more informed and specific-to-their-program answer for you, and might have some good advice. Schedule a tour (again, prioritizing your safety and those around you). Ask for an interview with the department head or a faculty member. Call with your questions. Ask about classes you might be able to take outside of the actual program to improve your chances of acceptance. We had students in our program who took a certain number of credits as a non-degree student, and then transferred into the program on the strength of those earlier classes; they were usually people whose grades or test scores weren’t up to snuff, so they could get a start while preparing to apply to the degree program. And in general, if the people deciding whether or not you get to go to school there know your name, your face, and your story, your application is going to get a lot more -- and more generous -- consideration than if they don’t know you from a hole in the ground. If nothing else, you’ll get a lot more useable information than I can possibly give you, and you’ll learn more about the program and the field to better make a game plan for your future.
I hope some of this is helpful! I wish I could say you don’t have a bit of an uphill battle because a pretty significant weight is put on GPA. It’s understandable to an extent -- they want to make sure you’ll be able to handle the courseload before you start -- but it poses an extra challenge for people who are already in difficult circumstances. Definitely make sure you talk to your advisor and the academic folks at your current school as well; there’s a chance that they’ll have some advice or even access to some resources you weren’t aware of that’ll make your current grade situation improve.
Good luck! It sounds like this could be a great path for you, and even if you have to take a bit of a roundabout way to get there, that additional experience and time will help you be more prepared for just about anything ANY grad school program or job could throw at you. I believe in you, and I’m here if you need to ask, chat, or vent.
#ask forest#archives#archival studies#i wish i was an admissions person so i could give a more useful answer#but all i have is my personal experience and the ability to google#and that's what we're going with here#changelingirl
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Quarantine Cinema: Emma
OK to be upfront, I never read the book “Emma,” which is unusual for me when watching a movie based on a book. I actually haven’t read any of Austen since I was 13/14 and my mom told me I had to read “Pride and Prejudice” before I could read “Pride Prejudice and Zombies.” I will say that Austen has grown on me a little since my aggressively tomboy days of my early teens, so I was willing to give Emma a chance, as I was hearing good thing about it. Also I saw Clueless years ago and its one of the few 80/90s “classic” films I like so....onwards! -first off my favourite part: the CINEMATOGRAPHY? That scenery?! All the pastels on the inside contrasted with the simple yet gorgeous natural scenes outside, all the vivid green and rolling hills? What an aesthetic. -That being said, I spent about 30 percent of the film being like “is Emma in a nightdress? Is that an actual dress? It’s just white, I really can’t tell.” -The music was a little loud at times (that might have been the server I was watching it on) but I loved the choices, it added to the community feel of the film. -I knew roughly how the plot of Emma was supposed to go, but forgot until the dance that Emma and Knightley were supposed to be somehow related, and then had to pause the movie and try to figure out HOW they were related. I ended up looking it up and - did they SAY that they were in laws as well as childhood friends? Because I did not hear it. -but also that dance was so well done! The angles, the shots, the music, the acting...so good. It felt so intense and private even among a crowd -Look, Knightley is cool I guess, and the whole general demeanour of just lying on the floor pining is like...so relatable? ( Also the line “if I loved you less it might be I could talk about it more” like WTF? Who allowed Jane Austen to go so hard and be so relatable about love issues over 100 years ago? I felt CALLED OUT and I was NOT PREPARED to be so over my own complex love life issues from a movie I watched on a whim. ) BUT .... honestly I was pulling for a Jane Fairfax/Emma Woodhouse lesbian storyline from the moment I saw them interact for the first time. I mean, c’mon. Two girls that have been told since childhood they had to be friends and instead one comes to resent the other for reason she can’t quite figure out (ok, maybe because the other is SOOOO accomplished but also maybe because she has a crush and can’t deal with it) and then they reunite after many years and Jane is all quiet and reserved but seems to genuinely like Emma...i don’t know, from the moment I saw them in the piano scene I was like “I ship it, I want it, give it to me.” -Mr Woodhouse was hands down the best character and no I don’t take second opinions on this. -I also was shocked how many of the actors I knew/recognized? Like, I’m not a huge movie buff, especially in terms of non-franchise movies/shows; I know the main MCU ones, GOT and HP, LOTR, etc but that’s it. And yet I knew so many? Like, I recognized Ms Bates (my mom watched Call the Midwife) and Bill Nighy, and I don’t recall their names right now but the two from Sex Education and Prince Charles from the crown. - one of the most delightful things about the film were the little things, like the flour cake and how Emma’s opened the window to the carriage with her single finger, it was just so fun. - Ok I know enough about Austen to know that Emma is supposedly to be largely unlikeable, at least at first, but...I liked her throughout the whole movie? I don’t know how much of this is attributed to the actress’ ability or maybe just opinions on acceptable personality flaws have changed in the last 100 years, or maybe I’m also an asshole, or some combination of all three. So she’s spoiled, and thinks she’s always right, and bit naive. She’s also 21, dearly devoted to her friends/father, clearly intelligent, and she is right a good bit of the time.
-But honestly the only thing I really found fault with her was ruining Harriet’s first marriage prospect, because she didn’t think it was good enough for her. And yeah, that was super wrong, I don’t approve, but I do give her credit for not immediately thinking “Harriet is beneath me/others of my standing,” like, she even thought that Harriet could be with Frank Churchill. (Maybe she’s more visibly classist in the novel, I don’t know.)
-I liked that Emma wasn’t seeking out love or marriage (like many of Jane’s heroines, I gather) and was so devoted to her father and her friends. Her view of marriage was also appealing to me, given the time frame, that she knew she had an unusual amount of sway and power in the household, and no man would ever give her that amount again (except, maybe, Knightley I guess).
-I knew everyone is like “but Box Hill! She was rude!” and yeah, she was but...I don’t know that didn’t seem as aggrevious a fault as everyone was making it out to be. And again that might just be how the movie played it, not the novel, but I’m going off the movie here. Because yes, she was thoughtless, but you can see she immediately regrets her words, and not based on other’s reactions. As SOON as the words leave her lips she looks horrified at what she said. And this is after continuous time spent around Mrs Bates, and she quickly goes on her own accord to apologize. I know people like Mrs Bates, and they are annoying. That doesn’t make them bad people, but it does make it difficult for me to spend long amounts of hours around them. Mrs Bates is always running after Emma, repeatedly talking to her with stories of how amazing Jane is, and at times where it is clear that Emma is with her friend or shopping or otherwise. We all have a coworker like that, someone who always has a story of how amazing their child or niece or relative is, always turns the discussion back to that person, and is always dropping by your cubicle or sees you in the store and wants to talk for thirty minutes about the same topic every time. And yes, the decent thing to do is to make polite conversation, to reach out every now and again, especially in cases like Ms Bates were her circumstances are unfortunate and she is probably just lonely. But Emma DOES do that. She is clearly annoyed when Mrs Bates seeks her out for conversation, but she opens the carriage window, she doesn’t outright tell her to go away in the store, she holds her tongue for a considerable amount of the movie even if she tries to avoid her. (Which. Same. I would do the same and I know it.) She even invites her to her house after a lot of heavy and presumptuous hinting on Mrs Bates part, which is a lot more than most would probably do. So yeah, I didn’t really see “Box Hill” as evidence that Emma really had to turn around and become a better person, just someone who made a slip of tongue after what was probably hours of holding it, between both Ms Bates and the minister’s wife. -I hated the nosebleed. -Knightley’s whole thing with the screens was hilarious, between that and Harriet kissing her love interest I was like “none of these people are obeying propriety and chaperone rules and I love it.” -Overall, I liked it, I would probably give it a 8 out of ten on the personal enjoyment of it and artiste of it all.
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April 15: Free day! Write about any topic you want!
As promised I want to discuss self-diagnoses, and in particular, mine.
The first thing you should no about self-diagnosing is that it's not a one and done thing.
It's finding a post that you relate to and being surprised to find it tagged as #actually autistic because "wait. Not everyone does that?"
Then ignoring it and brushing it off. Till you find more and more and more and eventually you think, "Ok. Maybe there's something to this."
And then it's research. So. Much. Research.
It's remembering events from childhood that now, armed as you are with your hours and hours of research make sense. Finally, they make sense.
It's reading and rereading the DSM-V on good days and bad days, thinking it will help you understand what it's saying if you read on both because it discusses "negative behavior".
But then you just regret it all together because, "What if I'm just faking it? What if I'm purposely trying to fit into the criteria?"
And part of you does what to fit. Because nothing else makes sense.
Anxiety covers some of your experience, but it can't explain other parts.
Depression does the same thing. It explains some things, but not others.
But all your research on autism? That answers so many questions.
It answers so many that it's almost painful. Because your whole life the answer was right there. But nobody in your life had the information resources to see it.
They didn't know any better than you did.
It's finally accepting after months and years of research and self-reflection and introspection that this is the answer.
You were the "weird kid" growing up, sure. But it wasn't "abnormal" it was just a different normal. And it feels like coming home. Suddenly you realize, everything that singled you out and made you "weird" was only weird because no one else understood. But now you do. You get it now. You're at peace with yourself.
For the most part.
There's still plenty of questioning, plenty of doubting, plenty more hours of research. But it gets less and less as time moves on.
That's how I came to discover I am autistic. I was doing some research for a character in an original work, and about a week into it, I stopped gathering information for that character and I started gathering it for myself.
The deeper I dug the more and more I found myself and my experience in the actually autistic tag, in the resources and experiences of others on ASAN.
I was just beginning to allow myself to believe that autism just might be the answer I'd been looking for when it happened.
I was asked point-blank by a coworker if I was autistic.
I explained all my research, explained how I had even found a study that linked Neurofibromatosis(a rare neurological disorder that I have) has been connected to autism and ADHD, especially in AFAB folks. And after all that I said that I still wasn't sure. I had a lot more to research, and I didn't think an official diagnosis was anywhere in my near future so I might not ever know for sure.
Then she told me she thought it made sense, I reminded her a great deal of her little sister, who is autistic. Now, mind you, my coworkers is in her sixties, and her sister had been diagnosed as a child.
I can't really explain the relief I felt when she said that. It was so....comforting to know that the hours, and at that point almost a year's worth of research, I had put it in made sense to some besides me. Someone that had known me less than a month at that point.
That's been about two and a half years ago now.
Not long after that I worked up the nerve to show my mom the study I had found that linked NF to autism and ADHD. At first, she didn't really say much and I let the matter drop.
A few months later we were at training for work and went with some of her work buddies to lunch and standing in line in that tiny restaurant I started to get overwhelmed. Mom offered to order for me so I could go outside and wait.
When she and her friends came out, one of them asked me if I was ok.
I said I was, and since my mom and I hadn't really talked about the autism thing much, I just said that I get overwhelmed in loud crowded places.
And my mom, without us ever really talking about it, said that it was a sensory thing and had I been in public school I probably would have been diagnosed with autism.
Most of the time, I'd say get permission from someone before saying something like that, just in case the person you're talking about doesn't actually want people knowing.
But for me. In that moment. It was validating. Someone else was seeing what I had only just learned to see in myself. And not just that, but it wasn't a big deal. It was a statement, and yes there was a little bit of explaining, but for the most part the conversation just moved right along. No one commented on my rocking or sternum tapping or lack of eye contact.
Discovering that I'm autistic has been one of the best experiences of my life. It gave me so many answers and it gave me permission, in so many ways, to be myself. It taught me to be gentle with myself when I shutdown, and not berate or get angry at myself when I meltdown, it taught me to be kinder to myself.
All of those things are still struggles for me, I'll be honest. But it's at least helped. It's been a step in the right direction.
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Idk if you've answered something like this before, so sorry if you have but do you ever get worried that as a mental health professional one of your clients or colleagues might find your Tumblr and read all your smutty writing? I'm officially becoming a licensed therapist (going to work with LGBTQ+ youth!) this year and I'm honestly terrified of someone finding my fics and knowing it's me.
First off, congrats on becoming a licensed therapist! There’s so much hard work that goes into becoming licensed, and maintaining that licensure, and you deserve all the recognition for entering this field and being passionate about helping others!
I will say that as far as my clients go, I’ve so far been working with verrrry impoverished city populations who are lucky to even keep a roof over their head or have a working phone on them, let alone have enough technology to be online or understand tumblr lol. However, it’s definitely something I’ve contemplated and that I had to think about when first making my accounts. I also have a second clinical masters degree in Human Sexuality Education, so I have that as a cushion to be like ummmm do you see what I studied? Are you really surprised? lol
I think it’s a very person-by-person decision about how private you make your online profiles, but for me, I decided that there’s literally nothing to be ashamed about with writing smut. If my clients did find my work and brought it up, we could discuss any reactions they might’ve had about it and process where those reactions come from. Like with you wanting to work with LGBTQ+ youth (which kudos by the way, the world needs more professionals like you!) if they did happen upon your stuff, well 1. they’re technically not to be consuming this content if they’re under 18 (which lets be real, isn’t a realistic standard but still something you could say, that your stuff is advertised for adult consumers). But also, it could honestly start a great conversation regarding sexuality and our internal desires, especially how fictional fantasy is NOT the same as reality, and that one can fantasize about topics that they don’t have to condone in reality (esp if your fanfic content is more ‘taboo’). It can also be a GREAT conversation on gender expectations, and how women are held to such double standards when we acknowledge that we even have sexual fantasies, let alone create or consume erotic content. I could go on and on about this, but I think you get my drift that if a client did find your profiles, it’s all about how you process their reaction and turn the conversation. Make it about the general topics of erotica/fantasies/sexuality/etc and take the focus off YOU creating it. Make it a bigger conversation. It could even open them up to feeling more comfortable talking to you about their own sexual-related topics (I know that my clients and coworkers tbh who learned of my masters in human sexuality were muuuch more likely to then voice their own questions and concerns in that arena, bc I became more of a safe, nonjudgmental space).
Now, as far as coworkers, I used to hide my love of fanfiction, but the last few years I haven’t. My team at work knows I read and write fanfiction. If somone new starts at my job and we do the whole “so what are your hobbies” convo, I include reading and writing. If they ask me what I read or write, I say fanfiction, and take in their reaction. If they’re a jerk about it, I know they’re not someone I want to be around and our relationship is gonna be verrry professional and not buddy buddy. Also, in our field, a mental health professional being a dick about something like that??? Talk about a career red flag, my god.
My first supervisor at my current job was actually into fandoms himself, and I only found out through being honest regarding my own hobbies. We didn’t go into details since he was in a higher level position, but once he left my job for another company, we traded social media profiles and he asked for my masterlist, something that never would’ve happened if I’d hid my love of fanfic. And one of the nurses I work with (a woman in her 50s) even asked to read one of my stories a couple of months ago, once I explained to her what fanfiction was, and so I sent her one of my Hopper oneshots since we both watch Stranger Things. Now I did give her the disclaimer that she asked for this content and so to prepare herself. And I know her well enough at this point that we don’t judge each other and are super open about a lot of things sex-related already, so I wasn’t worried about her freaking out. Her response the next time I saw her, after she read it, was, “Damn, you’re a dirty bitch….I loved it!” XD
Now I’m not saying you have to share your content with coworkers (and definitely don’t ever actively share it with clients, as I’m sure you know), but I don’t think anyone should feel that they *have* to hide it, either, or be worried if someone else finds it on their own. Any coworker who would try to belittle me or make fun of me for that? Oh hell no. We’re all adults here, and the time for making fun of someone for their hobbies is long past in my book. I have no time for it. If you show that you’re not embarrassed by something and refuse to let someone else make you feel/act embarrassed, then people who would be jerks will only make themselves look dumb. But I’m also very lucky to work in a super open-minded environment and none of my coworkers who know have ever given me much crap over it.
All that to say, that’s MY personal situation, and my own view on it is that I’m all for being open about my love of smutty fanfic, because you never know when you’ll find someone else who is also into it. And regarding clients, you keep it professional and turn it into a bigger conversation, or if the client reacts super harshly, process where their feelings of transference are coming from. At the end of the day, they were the ones searching for that content in order to happen upon your profile sooooo *shrugs* However, if the thought of that is too worrisome or anxiety-inducing then, by all means, don’t feel bad about having an anonymous profile that gives out no personal info about who you are. It’s a choice YOU have to make for yourself.
For me, I’m letting my smutty fanfic flag fly proudly, and people can accept it or move on along. Hope that helps!
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To Set Aside One’s Pride
Hi!!! I’m really sorry I wasn't able to get this done by Christmas, things were hectic, no excuse for that! This is my Secret Santa gift for @forloveoflibertea for the @usuknetwork event. I went with the magical strike kiss under the mistletoe prompt combined with the optional omegaverse twist! I hope you like it!!! :)))))
Word Count: 3,109
Warnings: They think they hate each other at first, but they secretly have those feelings.
Summary: The company Christmas party was coming up, and a certain Frenchman has a plan to get Alfred and Arthur together in an unconventional way.
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"Alfred, if you don't leave my office right now, we'll have a big problem!" Arthur, the quickly rising star omega of the company, bit out, venom in his voice and poison in his glare. His scent was spiked with irritation.
"HA! You know what else is big?" Alfred goaded, knowing Arthur couldn't do anything to him without getting fired, what with Alfred being the company president's son. He almost smelled more obnoxious than he was acting, their scents combining to make the room unbearable.
There was a loud groan before Arthur's fluffy blond head hit the table. "Why do you have to be such a child?" He ground out before looking up, cold bottle green eyes locking with the alpha's bemused pacific blue behind his thin-wired frames.
Simply smirking, Alfred "aw'd" at him condescendingly. "You're just jealous, baby." There was an odd spike in his scent at the end of his sentence, which Arthur completely ignored.
Twitching, he looked about ready to murder Alfred. "Do not call me that!" he growled out, the blush creeping into his cheeks saying otherwise.
Holding up his hands in a placating gesture and laughing obnoxiously loud, Alfred spun on his heels, his long, feathered black coat swishing behind him. "Whatever… sweetie."
Arthur barely restrained himself from throwing his metal paperweight at the brat's head. Alfred's only four years younger than him, and by no means unintelligent, yet he acts like an imbecile or an immature hooligan. The dyed purple stripe in his hair and a temporary purple star tattoo on his cheek only add to this effect. Convincing himself he was angry at Alfred and not at all flustered by the pet names, Arthur quickly got back into the throes of his work, ignoring the silence and not at all wishing he'd come back.
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Back in his private, top floor office, Alfred was feeling incredibly proud of himself. He considers his work day to be wasted if he doesn't bug the adorably grumpy Arthur Kirkland at least once. Just as he himself was about to open up some of his own work-related documents, there was a knock on his door. Fixing a professional smile on his face and wiping off the self-satisfied smirk, he called out, "Come in!"
The door opened halfway. "Ah! Mon Ami, how are you?"
Smile dropping off his face, Alfred sighed gustily. His cheerful scent mellowed. At least the man was wearing a normal three-piece suit, meaning he wasn't in the mood to be putting on a pink frilly dress and taking his department on strike.
"What do you want, Francis?"
The man came in uninvited, shutting the door behind himself. The beta strutted towards Alfred's desk, flipping his long blond hair over his shoulder idly. Then he leaned on the desk with one hand. "Oh, nothing really, I just wanted to ask you how things are going between you and Mr. Eyebrows lately," he asked, his tone suggestive.
Alfred arched a brow. "What's there to tell?" He asked dryly, ignoring the jab at Arthur's rather over-sized eyebrows. They're actually kinda cute, not that he would ever admit it.
Leaning in, Francis chuckled. "Oh, but everyone outside of his office heard the little spat between the two of you. What was that about, what was it again? "Babe" and "Sweetie"?"
Alfred glowered at him, scent and mood darkening. "I'm not in the mood, Francis." The man was ruining his good mood by suggesting there was more to his teasing Artie earlier.
He smiled lecherously. "So you're not denying calling the formidable Brit those pet names?"
"... Get out, Francis."
"Wait, wait, wait! I just wanted to make sure, now onto the actual topic at hand! I propose a bet, one that will help solve the, how shall I say, tension between the two of you?"
"... I said get out."
"Just hear me out! I know the two of you can't possibly bear to spend more than a few minutes together at a time, so this bet would be a good way to one-up him!"
Alfred didn't want to admit his intrigue. "What are you going on about?"
"Before I say anything, just know that Arthur has already agreed to this!"
"And?"
"It's simple, really. I'll handcuff the two of you together-"
"Not interested."
"Hear me out! You will both have a key to the handcuffs. The conditions are that you have to spend the entire Christmas party together on a fake date, and whoever uncuffs himself from the other first loses! And if by some miracle, you manage to go the whole party without doing so, the work environment will be much improved because you will both have learned how to cooperate!" He finished triumphantly.
Alfred regarded him warily. "And why would I agree to this?"
"Because Arthur has already done so. He bet me one hundred dollars you'd never accept."
Alfred pushed a hand through his caramel blond hair. He considered it for a minute, looking off to the side through his floor-to-ceiling windows at the busy New York streets below. It would be nice to be with the omega during the party; after all, he doesn't have a date-- it wouldn't be a date, he'd just get to tease him the entire time! Artie would get so mad and he'd come out on top like an alpha should! Hopefully, Artie won't uncuff himself at the drop of a hat though… he'll have to tone it down, but, he'd get to spend some time with him-- teasing him! That is… Finally, his resolve hardened and he turned back to Francis, nodding his head. "He deserves to lose some money," was all he said at first. Francis just smiled brightly, knowingly for some reason, because of course there's nothing more to this. "But if I win, you have to promise to not go on strike for an entire year."
An evil glint in his eye, Francis nodded. "You have my word, Mon Ami… Oh, and one more thing. If you both make it the whole party, neither of you win or lose, so expect a strike, because no one wants to work before New Years."
Alfred smiled, somehow managing to look wicked and innocent at the same time, and clasped his hands together. "Good. Now, get out of my office."
Chuckling, Francis nodded his head, beginning his retreat. "Au revoir!" he called out, shutting the door behind himself with a flourish. As he made his way down the hall, he thought, Now to just get Arthur to agree.
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Why did I agree to this? Arthur bemoaned, frustrated with this being the fifth time during the party a coworker asked why he was handcuffed to Alfred, of all people! Arthur was quick to reassure them it was just for a bet that he himself would be winning. Each time he had to reiterate it he got more and more frustrated, his tea and roses scent turning sour and lemony, especially with the git just grinning down at him instead of helping explain. Alfred, meanwhile, was having the time of his life watching Artie suffer, but a large part of him wished he'd smell sweet while they were together. So sweet, just for him… Uh… Alfred didn't know what to make of that thought. But as the party wore on and the gossip spread, people stopped questioning them and they were left to enjoy the party as much as they were able to in each other's immediate presence. To Arthur's surprise, however, the whole event was going rather… smoothly. Sure, he was still teased by the utter pillock he was joined to, but Alfred became less and less obnoxious as time wore on. He became almost… charming? No, not charming, just more bearable, that was it! Of course, that was it… Right.
"Oh! Hi guys, I see you two must be having fun!" Arthur's cheerful coworker and office friend, an alpha woman named Erzebet, walked up to them with a smile and a wave. Just as Arthur was about to reply he found himself gently pushed behind Alfred. He frowned, scent reflecting his confusion, about to ask him what his problem was when Alfred spoke.
"Hey, Erzebet, nice to see you! Where's your mate? You should go find him." Alfred spoke tersely and authoritatively, and Arthur was honestly quite bewildered before anger took over. Who in the world does he think he is?!
Blinking in slight shock, Erzebet smiled and took a slow step back from the two of them. "That's a good idea! I don't know where he is right now, so I'd better go. I'll leave the two of you to it then." With a nod to Alfred and an astute glance at Arthur, Erzebet walked away. Arthur turned to Alfred, livid.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shrieked quietly, trying not to make too much of a scene, despite his distress coloring the room.
"What's wrong with you? You were just going to let her flirt with you?!" Alfred smelled of acid and charcoal, and it was burning Arthur's nose, only distressing him further. Alfred finally noticed and attempted to calm his scent back to its usual fire smoke and sandalwood.
Calming slightly and face twisting trying to comprehend the stupidity of his statement, Arthur then pursed his lips with a frown. "Maybe losing one hundred dollars is worth it," he bit out acidly. He was reaching into his pocket when Alfred grabbed his hand and pulled it away.
Alfred quickly backtracked. "Wait, Arthur, come on, I just… I didn't mean to upset you, I--"
"Didn't mean to upset me?! By being rude to and chasing away my friend? I find that hard to believe. Do you want me to be miserable working here? Is that why you always bother me? … Do you truly hate me that much?" Arthur's rage-fueled voice quieted down as he spoke until it was almost hard to hear him over the noise of the party. Tears poked into the corners of his which he valiantly fought from spilling.
Panicking, Alfred's scent turned tart and vinegar, causing Arthur to crinkle his nose and start to panic in response. Noticing, Alfred turned it gentle and comforting, surprising Arthur, the sudden change causing tears to start to spill. "What? No! Artie, no, look, I-I just… look, can we just forget about this? I'll make it up to you, I swear! Just please sweetie, please don't cry." Without thinking, he wrapped the omega in his arms, his left and Arthur's right pressed awkwardly between them.
In Arthur's ensuing shock, the tears vanished and his scent sweetened against his will. That was the first time Alfred had ever called him a pet name that wasn't intended as an insult or to rile him up. It was… genuine? Was he honestly trying to comfort him? Regardless of the alpha’s intentions, which were obvious to everyone else in the room, Arthur was indeed comforted and, without hesitating, buried his face in Alfred's chest and felt calmed by the hand gently rubbing the center of his back. Alfred, for one, had never realized just how soft Arthur was, how delicate, and how he absolutely needed a hero like him to protect him.
Once Arthur was calmed down (a little while still after that, because the hug was… nice) Alfred led him away from the majority of the party and to a back corner where he could apologize and tell Artie why, exactly, he did what he did. He had only just realized it himself.
Arthur was surprisingly compliant as Alfred led him through the crowd until they reached a deserted niche. Then Alfred, instinctively, nudged Arthur into the corner and blocked it off with his body, keen on protecting the man he now viewed as a vulnerable, sweet, cute omega who he has the sole job of protecting. Alfred still warred with his feelings internally, but it was too late. For better or worse, the alpha inside of him wants this omega, like a light-bulb turned on in his head, or more aptly, he opened his eyes to see the light had always been on.
Arthur looked up at Alfred questioningly but unprotestingly. His emotions were going through a similar whirlwind, and he suddenly didn't hate, or rather "hate," Alfred as he previously thought he did.
Alfred sighed and ran his free hand through his hair, scent tumultuous. "Baby…" he started off, "I'm sorry I upset you, and for chasing away your friend. I know it's not an excuse, but, the thought of another alpha being, closer to you than I am, I dunno, it just, triggered? Something inside of me, that I can't really explain. No, wait, I can, I--" mustering up his courage, he sighed before smiling and looking down into Arthur's beautiful green eyes, scent evening out pleasantly. "I like you, Artie," he said wistfully. Arthur had been confused throughout his speech before his eyes widened and his heart clenched in a way that warmed his whole body. His lips trembled, and he looked the picture of a deer frozen in headlights. Alfred moved his hand to gently cup Arthur's cheek, stroking it softly, before realizing Arthur hadn't replied yet and the touch might be unwanted. He quickly removed his hand, scent sheepish, before Arthur's shocked scent melted into one of unadulterated happiness and he whined softly against his will, embarrassedly, in the back of this throat when Alfred removed his hand. Alfred let out a soft breath, his smile more relaxed and genuine than either his megawatt smile or his smirk. He returned his hand and gently cupped his cheek, waiting for an answer. Arthur didn't know what to say, so he sniffled as tears of happiness blurred his vision and his scent sweetened, smelling of tea, roses, and now rain and honey as well.
"Artie, would you like to go on a proper date with me?" Alfred asked, hoping Arthur would say something. Arthur looked down and wet his lips before nodding, looking up with a small but pleased smile.
"Yes… I would," he replied softly. "... Although, the rest of this party can be our first date?" He asked, emboldened by his budding and strengthening feelings. He mentally looked back on past meetings with Alfred and realized just how much they were holding back their true feelings, insulting each other so they could ignore how they felt, belittling each other so they could forget how they felt, and convincing themselves they hated each other so they wouldn't ache inside. He realized now the ache was completely gone, and he felt, happy. A thought struck him. "Uhm… wait. Does this mean? That we're…" his voice nearly squeaked on the last word, "boyfriends?"
Alfred's scent became stronger, more protective and proud. "Yeah, it does. I'll take good care of you, Artie, I promise. And I'll make this the best first date you've ever had, alright?"
Arthur nodded meekly, too overwhelmed by his feelings to muster up his usual attitude. Cautiously he leaned forward and Alfred immediately caught him up in a hug. The alpha buried his face into Arthur's hair, gently nosing his locks and smiling, happier than he'd been in a very long time, so long he can't remember a time when he was happier, and this was only the beginning of their relationship. Arthur looked up with a smile when he caught something out of the corner of his eye… Mistletoe. He frowned and pouted, causing Alfred to look up questioningly.
"... You led me over here on purpose," he accused. His mind raced. Alfred had probably set all this up! He purposefully upset him just so he could comfort him, then twist the knife! He had him believing this was genuine! But… it couldn't be, could it? Arthur started to pull away. "I can't believe you planned this! Did you set all this up just to kiss me? Did you honestly think you could trick me like that?! I--"
"I didn't plan this, Artie! I swear! This is all a coincidence. Trust, me, I lo- care about you so much, I'd never do this to upset you," Alfred cut him off before he could go on one of his trademark rants. He didn't even fully know what he'd done wrong this time, but the omega was obviously upset. Arthur's face was tinged slightly red with anger, but he quickly realized he jumped to conclusions. Alfred wasn't leading him on, he wasn't trying to trick him. He actually, really… does care about him. The red turned to one caused by embarrassment. Arthur looked down, pressing his forehead against the collar of Alfred's coat.
"Hey, baby, I swear I didn't plan this, but since it's there��� why don't we follow tradition?" He asked with a smirk, scent strengthening. After a second, Arthur looked up from beneath his lashes with a smirk of his own.
"Well, it is tradition," he said angelically, scent spiking mischievously. Grinning, Alfred leaned down and captured Arthur's lips with his own, holding him close and tilting his head to the side so his glasses didn't press into Arthur's cheek. The kiss started out slow until they were enthusiastically moving their lips in tandem. It was sweet, and they both hummed into this kiss before Alfred slipped his tongue out and gently licked the seam of Arthur's lips. With a gasp, he parted them and Alfred tangled their tongues together, stroking Arthur's tongue and hip and the same time. Arthur moaned. He can't remember a kiss that felt this nice. No, better than nice. This felt… right.
Their lips molded together passionately, tongues tangling before they began to run out of air. Arthur finally felt the intense need to breathe and attempted to pull back, but Alfred held him against him a second longer before they pulled away, a string of their mixed saliva connecting them. Arthur wiped it away with the back of his palm, feeling out of breath as a pleased smirk came onto his face. Alfred just smiled, nuzzling their noses together, causing Arthur to involuntarily make a sound close to a giggle that was absolutely not a giggle. He looked down, embarrassed, but Alfred lifted his chin and molded their lips together for another kiss.
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At the end of the party, they both uncuffed themselves while Francis smiled, sighing over-dramatically. "Ah, love…" he cooed, both Alfred and Arthur snapping, "Shut it." Four years later, on their wedding day, they both thanked their lucky stars they took a bet for the sole purpose of their own pride and gained more than they could've ever hoped for by putting it aside.
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{ H S H Q T A S K 0 2 1 }
1. COLD HARD FACTS
population: 9,80M area: 93,030 km2 / 35,920 sq mi offical language: hungarian currency: forint ( HUF / Ft )
2. NATIONAL PRIDE
With a relatively small population, when someone makes it internationally, the whole country stans. Rubik’s cube? Hungarian. Hungarians have won a pretty impressive amount of Olympic medals considering their size. Hungary is an old country. Really old. Were talking about being its own kingdom in the middle ages. Hungary’s culture goes back centuries and it’s something to be proud of. There’s sanctity in the old ways.
3. VALUES
Family. Family comes first. Always. Grandparents aren’t simply cast aside, they are part of the core family. Cousins, aunts and uncles are seen often. Friendships are intimate but rare. Hungarians may call their good acquaintances friends but that’s usually when it’s socially inappropriate to just call them acquaintances. Good friends are a different thing though --- there’s a bond that isn’t easily broken and there aren’t many topics that are not talked about.
4. SOCIETAL NORMS
Hungarians are quiet. They talk when it’s necessary and they pick their words carefully. While people are friendly and polite, they may not be very easily approachable. Acquainting Hungarians may prove to be difficult because it’s just not in their nature to blabber on and on. Hungarians are a no-frills kind of people. If something is not up to their standards they’ll bring it up. It’s not about being demanding or having unreasonable requirements, it’s just that problems should be dealt with in an appropriate manner. No point in gently trying to hint at an issue --- just bring it up and it will be resolved. Simple. Especially older generations are more reserved. Be punctual! Being late more than 5 mins is not acceptable, in fact, be 15 mins early to a meeting!
5. LANGUAGE
Hungarian or Magyar is a Finno-Ugric language, which means that it’s a relative of Finnish and Estonian! I looked into it but I couldn’t find many similarities in vocabulary and I didn’t understand a thing about the grammar but apparently grammar and very old words are what makes the relation clear. Grammar makes Hungarian a bit difficult to learn. Prepositions aren’t as common as they are in English: Hungarian has suffixes. Verbs are modified according to the doer. Nouns can turn into complicated things depending on the context.
6. ARTS
Hungary is proud of their cultural inheritance. They aren’t as obsessed with accomplishments in the way the English or the Americans are. Traditions are something they have immense respect for. Hungarians respect people who can play folk music or are skilled at folk dancing. It’s a niche hobby but those who are invested in it, are invested in it. The traditional costumes of Hungary are all about embroidery as it is a highly-valued skill in Hungarian culture and definitely something that is considered as part of Hungarian heritage.
7. FOOD & DRINKS
Hungarian wine is a Thing, and they are proud of it! Wine as a gift isn’t all that appreciated actually because Hungarians, first of all, prefer to drink their own wines and consider themselves as experts on them. So don’t bring a bottle of Italian, it’s not appreciated. Hungarians eat quite a lot of meat. Paprika and sour cream are key ingredients in most dishes and they are universally loved in the country.
8. MISCELLANEOUS
The wildest thing is that sometimes when a woman marries her husband, she adopts his full name! “ So if Anda marries Galffy Laszlo, she publicly becomes Galffy Laszloné or Mrs. Galffy Laszlo (the wife of Galffy Laszlo.) Of course, for her friends and family she will still be Anda, but if she was to be introduced to a group of coworkers at her new work place, she will be called Galffy Laszloné. “ ( x ). So basically you just throw a -ne at the end of his first name or if you only take his last name then at the end of it. Why Lisette isn’t introducing herself as idk, Leventene Croÿ or Lisette Croÿne is because Croÿ is of Belgian origin and it just doesn’t naturally twist into the proper form and there’s no way Lisette, being Spanish, would go for his full name lol. Hungary’s opinion on communism is very vague: Hungary has benefited from communism and somewhat suffered after it was abolished in their country.
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Top 20 Interview Questions
Top 20 Questions and Sample Answers
if you're seeking the most often requested job interview questions then Continue reading. After years of experience as a recruiter, I'm going to offer the top 20 job interview questions and answers, as well as dos and don'ts, to help you ace your interview. For every question, you’ll know: Why do hiring managers and recruiters ask this question? A list of dos and don'ts, as well as the most common blunders to avoid Employers will be impressed by examples that are word-for-word. Let us begin...
Example Answers to 20 Interview Questions
- Tell me about yourself - What do you know about our company? - How did you hear about the position? - Why did you apply for this position? - Why are you looking to leave your current company? - Tell us about a challenge you’ve faced and how you handled it? - How much money are you looking to earn? - Why should we hire you? - Why do you want to work here? - Why did you leave your last job? - What is your greatest weakness? - Where do you see yourself in 5 years? - Tell me about a time you failed - How do you make decisions? - What is your greatest achievement? - What are your leadership experiences? - How would you describe yourself? - What are you passionate about? - Do you want to tell us anything else about you? - Do you have any questions for us?
1. Tell me about yourself
This is one of the most popular interview questions, and since it is so open-ended, it confuses a lot of job applicants. Here are some of the greatest responses, as well as tips on how to wow when the interviewer asks this topic. When asked, "Tell me about yourself," keep your response work-related. While it is theoretically possible to incorporate personal information, this is not what the average interviewer is looking for. Tell your narrative in chronological sequence to make your answer clear and easy to grasp. Take them through your professional history, beginning with how you got started in your present field. You can mention your academic work if you're a recent graduate or an entry-level candidate. What drew you to this particular subject of study? What have you worked on and what projects have you completed? If you have past work experience, tell the interviewer about your major successes, important career moves, and why you made them, and then tell them what you want to do next in your career and why you're searching for a job. Need assistance with your RESUME/CV Click here for tips and Sample Resume/CVs Do: - Concentrate solely on presenting your professional narrative • Limit your response to around 2 minutes - Tell them about how you got started in your profession and the significant decisions you've made, then update them on your present position Don’t: - Talk for more than 2 minutes - Share personal information ' Interview answer example: “After graduating with a business degree in 2013, I began my job in marketing. I've worked for Microsoft my whole career, earning two promotions and three awards for exceptional performance. I'm now searching for a smaller firm where I can take on additional leadership and project management responsibilities.”
2. What do you know about our company?
One of the most popular interview questions to prepare for is this one. In an early-stage interview, especially a phone interview, you're extremely likely to hear it. The objective of the sample responses below is to demonstrate that you did your homework and didn't apply to their firm without knowing anything about them. If you don't appear to know anything about them, you'll come off as desperate - someone who will accept any job they can get their hands on. And that will make you unappealing to any potential employers. When they ask, "What do you know about our firm?" your primary aim is to demonstrate that you did your homework or were familiar with their organization before applying. Do: - Before the interview, do some research about the firm (on their website, their LinkedIn page, Google News, and more) - The more inventive you can be when conducting research, the better. If you want to offer the best answer possible, go beyond a cursory check of the company's website. - Know what business they're in, what products they sell, and how they generate money. - Try to get a feel of how big their firm is. Is there a total of 100 employees? Do you have more than 10,000 employees? Etc. - Explain what piqued your interest or piqued your excitement about their firm in your response, and demonstrate why you're interested in their company in particular. Even if they don't ask, the interviewer wants to know why you desire this particular position. Don’t: - State facts that are wrong or about which you are unsure (it is preferable to know one or two things that you can say properly than five facts about which you are unsure). - Conduct little research and mention only a few key information from the company's website. Example 1 of an interview response: “Based on what I've read, your firm is a pioneer in the database and online security for major businesses. I was reading over your customer list on your website and saw that several Fortune 500 firms were included, including Verizon and IBM. In addition, after messaging James from the Marketing team on LinkedIn, I recently had an informative interview with him, and he revealed a little about your business culture, particularly the emphasis on cooperation and open connection across different departments and groups. That seems interesting to me, and it's something I'm hope to find in my future career. Could you elaborate on how you'd characterize the business culture here?” Example 2 of an interview response: “I understand you're one of the industry's top contract manufacturers for pharmaceuticals. I also saw two recent news items in which you announced intentions to construct a new facility that will quadruple your production capacity. One of my goals in my job search is to find a fast-growing company that can utilize my previous experience scaling up manufacturing operations, so I was eager to have this interview and learn more about the specific work and challenges you need assistance with from the person you hire for this position.”
3. How did you hear about the position?
“How did you hear about the position?” they inquire. It's usually preferable to provide a straightforward, honest response. The interviewer is just interested in how you learned about them and why you applied in the first place. They're also curious about how you go about applying for jobs in general. Simply tell them the truth whether you found the position through a coworker, internet study of employers, a job board or job posting, or any other typical approach. Do: • Be direct, clear, and honest. • Tell the truth unless it's really humiliating (for example, my mother got me a job to apply for when I was much younger). That didn't sound fantastic, so I explained that a buddy had seen the job advertisement and told me about it. When necessary, a white lie is acceptable). • If possible, explain why you were interested in the position (e.g., “I was eager to apply because ”). Don’t: • Act uncertain of yourself by saying you don't recall or don't know. A Good Example: “I found the opportunity while browsing for employment online,” for example, is a good example of a good response.“A colleague/friend told me about it.”“I was suggested to your firm by someone I worked with at a prior job who had heard excellent things about it.”“I noticed the job posting on LinkedIn and thought it sounded interesting, so I inquired further.”
4. Why did you apply for this position?
“Why did you apply for this position?” they question. Choose anything specific that piqued your attention. Tell them why you like their items if you claim you do. That is the key to answering this job interview question convincingly. Make sure you don't come across as desperate or as if you're looking for any job. Yes, it's OK to mention that you've been laid off, but then refocus the conversation on exactly what you're searching for in your next job and why you think their business could offer it. You should sound as though you are looking for the RIGHT job and are being choosy. Employers will not hire you until you show that you desire to work for them specifically. Furthermore, the finest responses will avoid negativity and complaints. Don't criticize your present employer or supervisor. Concentrate on the benefits of the job you're looking for right now. Do: - Make them feel as though you're interested in them for a specific purpose - Demonstrate that you've done your homework and know what the job entails - Keep everything positive. Don't complain about your current circumstances; instead, focus on what you want to achieve by working for them (experiences, challenges, opportunities). Don’t: - Explain that you're unemployed and need to find employment - Say you merely need money or have expenses to pay, thus you need labor Diss your present boss or firm, or say anything that would make it appear as if you're leaving on poor terms. - Don't come out as desperate, or as if you'll accept any work, you can get regardless of the pay. Any additional personal reasons, such as "I need to locate a shorter commute," should be mentioned.” Example Answer: “I've wanted to work for a larger business in this sector since the beginning of my career, and I know you're one of the industry leaders. I'm really interested in your products/services, particularly the mobile applications you've lately developed, therefore I'd be thrilled to come here and improve my abilities with a company like yours.”“I've heard nothing but positive things about the work atmosphere here from a couple of my coworkers. And when I discovered this job posting, it looked to be a perfect fit for my talents. For example, I noticed in the job description that you require a Java programming specialist. This was the emphasis of both of my prior jobs, and it was even the topic of my academic work before I graduated from university. I consider myself a Java specialist, and I intend to continue honing this expertise.” Need assistance with your RESUME/CV Click here for tips and Sample Resume/CVs
5. Why are you looking to leave your current company?
This is one of the interview questions and answers to know if you're looking for a job while working. (And if you're looking for work while unemployed, be ready to say, "Why did you quit your last job?" instead.) Otherwise, the most essential thing to remember when they ask why you want to quit your present job is to remain positive and never disparage your current boss, coworkers, or boss's boss. Rather than whining or moaning about your position, explain you're looking for something more constructive. What do you hope to gain from a new job? Is your present boss being a jerk to you? You want to work in an environment where you can learn from more experienced leaders. Do: - Maintain a good attitude and concentrate on what you want to achieve by making a move. - Express gratitude for your present position (e.g., "This job has been fantastic and I've learned a lot in the two years I've been here," "But I believe I'm ready for now," etc.). - You come across as ambitious, driven, and eager to take on the next step in your career. Don’t: - In any way disparage your current job - It seems like you're attempting to get out of a terrible circumstance, or that you're failing or not fitting in at your current work. - Assume you're having trouble or failing to complete the task. It's too tough or stressful, you say. - Say you're unsure. Good sample answer: “I'm searching for additional opportunity to lead. I've worked at my current firm for three years and have thoroughly loved it, but I believe that in order to advance in my career, it would be beneficial for me to join a larger organization and apply what I've learned in the past to manage more projects. That's why this Project Manager position appealed to me.”
6. Tell us about a challenge you’ve faced and how you handled it
Focus on a specific work-related issue and discuss how you overcame hurdles, used the experience as a learning opportunity, made use of the resources available to you (including people/colleagues if appropriate), and came out on top! That is how you should respond to this interview question. Keep things professional, not personal. Do: - Describe the circumstance, the task you had to do, and the technique you used (and why) - Inform others about the outcome. What was the outcome? - Explain what you took away from the event. Have you taken away any information that has aided you in your career? Don’t: - Tell a tale about a time when you had personal problems, fights, or disagreements at work. - Tell a narrative about a time when you faced a difficulty that you couldn't conquer or for which you couldn't find a solution.
Answer example:
“At my last work, we were up against a tight deadline, and my supervisor was on vacation for the day. Our customer had requested that a project be completed by 5:00 p.m., but we were well behind schedule. I assumed leadership of the project and distributed responsibilities to the other four team members in a way that I believed would best utilize everyone's abilities. Then I reorganized my personal chores so that I could devote my full day to helping with this endeavor. The project was a success, and the work was completed on schedule. After that, I moved on to lead other projects and use what I'd learned to become a better project manager.”
7. How much money are you looking to earn?
This question isn't on many people's lists of typical job interview questions, but it's crucial, and the wrong response may cost you thousands of dollars. The greatest responses to this question follow one rule: don't indicate you're looking for a certain pay or even a specified salary range. Why? At this point in the job interview and job search process, you have the least amount of power. You haven't concluded your interview with this company, and they have no idea if you're a suitable match for the job. As a result, you won't be able to command a big wage right now. There's little to gain from answering salary inquiries so early in the process, and a lot to lose. If you set your preferred pay range too low, it may limit the offers you receive later, even if they would have otherwise given more. You might also be concerned that you aren't performing at the level they expected! Meanwhile, if you give them a figure or a range that is too high, you risk scaring them away before they get to know you and see your value! Whereas, after a few interviews with you, they could have been ready to bend their budget in order to recruit you! As a recruiter, I've seen this happen a lot. Do: - Share any research you've done into general salary ranges for your sort of position, but just offer a broad range (for example, a range of $50K – $75K) - Tell them you're focused on finding the best-fitting role, and that you don't have a precise goal wage in mind yet. Don’t: - Tell them a particular salary you're looking for - Tell them a specific salary range you're looking for Need assistance with your RESUME/CV Click here for tips and Sample Resume/CVs Example answer: “Right now, I'm concentrating on finding a job that is a good match for my skills. After that, I'm prepared to accept whatever reasonable offer you make, but I don't have a specific figure in mind. My top objective in my job hunt is to find a position that is a good match for me and allows me to keep learning and growing. That said, I did some preliminary research into pay for this sort of position in Seattle and discovered that the average tends to be in the $50K to $75K area, so if your job falls within that range, I believe it's worthwhile to continue discussing”
8. Why should we hire you?
Employers ask, "Why should we hire you?" to determine how well you grasp the position and how your abilities may benefit them. When you hear questions like these in an interview, you should consider their job, their requirements, and how you might assist them. What will they gain by hiring you? What will you do to make things better for them? What will become more convenient, efficient, or profitable? Also, demonstrate that you've done your homework. Make it obvious that you understand the responsibilities of this position and that you are prepared to execute the same activities in your future employment. Read the full article
#Doyouhaveanyquestionsforus?#Doyouwanttotellusanythingelseaboutyou?#Howdidyouhearabouttheposition?#Howdoyoumakedecisions?#Howmuchmoneyareyoulookingtoearn?#Howwouldyoudescribeyourself?#Tellmeaboutatimeyoufailed#Tellmeaboutyourself#Tellusaboutachallengeyou’vefacedandhowyouhandledit?#Whatareyoupassionateabout?#Whatareyourleadershipexperiences?#Whatdoyouknowaboutourcompany#Whatisyourgreatestachievement?#Whatisyourgreatestweakness?#Wheredoyouseeyourselfin5years?#Whyareyoulookingtoleaveyourcurrentcompany?#Whydidyouapplyforthisposition?#Whydidyouleaveyourlastjob?#Whydoyouwanttoworkhere?#Whyshouldwehireyou?
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Japanese Dating Reddit
Dating and eventually entering into some significant relationships with Japanese men has allowed me to learn and grow in so many ways. While not without momentary frustrations caused by miscommunication and different cultural expectations, I highly advise you all to try out dating during your time abroad. If anything, your Japanese will get so much better!
Japanese Dating App Reddit
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Jul 01, 2014 I live in Tokyo, am Japanese-American, and have been dating Japanese women exclusively for the past couple years. You are spot on with your rebuttal of this list of half-truths and I’d like to add to it. https://adultmorning125.tumblr.com/post/654526448213835776/dating-central-near-arlington. RE 2: Traditionally, Japanese women were the family bookkeepers and the men were the breadwinners. Japanese Women Seeking Marriage. Since 1994 Transpacific Marriage Agency (TMA) has specialized in introducing Japanese women to Western men for dating, romance, love and marriage. TMA's Japanese women clients are among the most beautiful women on earth, both in appearance and in their supportive attitudes towards men. Three excellent, highly recommended websites for meeting Japanese people (who likely speak English) through the internet: OkCupid. GaijinPot Personals. For topics that aren't related to dating in Japan, check out these other fine subreddits. These are just my observations from living here, dating here, and teaching Japanese kids aged 18-21. The first problem is expectations. Typical Japanese husband/wife relationship is more platonic/parasitic than it is romantic and equal. The husband spends all his time at the company, the wife spends all her time at home cooking, cleaning.
But, if you want a relationship that can withstand the challenges of Japanese norms and daily life, here are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind.
Do: Communicate
Before starting out, you can refer to my article on being LGBTQ in Japan for tips on finding dates. Another article on online dating, while aimed at straight women, also offers some insights on finding men online, and the recommended apps have LGBT options.
Let’s assume you’ve started dating people by this point. Communication and space are really important from the get-go if you are looking for a more serious relationship. When my current boyfriend and I met, we decided on a “five date campaign,” where we would resist getting overly physical with each other until our fifth date. This was advice he got from a friend, and I found it to be a charming bonding experience. Obviously, agreeing on this point already meant that we were more serious, and expressing that seriousness early on is always a good thing.
Language barriers are also a two-way street, especially in the beginning. Remember that if you are expecting your Japanese partner to carry the weight of communicating in a foreign language, you will need to be extra patient if they happen to say something bluntly, or fail to communicate at all. Always give them the benefit of the doubt and help them express themselves. Also, make an effort to learn as much Japanese as possible so that you both can have equal footing if you need to express something in your mother tongue.
Don’t: Storm your partner’s closet — unless it’s for clothes
The closet has been the biggest source of tension between my Japanese partner and me. While I come from the perspective that living with secrets is unbearable and you should only choose to have people in your life who accept you wholly and unconditionally, my partner is perfectly happy to keep secrets from his coworkers and family. This can put me in the uncomfortable position of having to pretend to be his “friend.”
But, among our Japanese LGBT friends, being out with one’s family and coworkers is by far the exception. Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career, both of which are very important to him. While it may be difficult, you will need to consider in advance whether you are ready to join your partner in the closet from time to time.
That said, I wholly recommend meeting the family if you are invited, even if it is only as a friend. It takes a lot of pressure off of the whole experience, and you can get to know where your partner came from and what kind of environment they grew up in! Just make sure to only doing something you’re comfortable with.
Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career…
Japanese Dating App Reddit
Do: Have goals for your relationship
This is one of the most difficult parts of any international relationship, but one that is very important to think about. Did you fall in love suddenly and unexpectedly, bound together forever with no need for discussion or conflict? If so, then that’s great!
For the rest of us in a relationship that morphs and evolves over time, a little planning can never hurt. Do you want to live together in the future? Do you plan to stay in Japan? Does this person want to follow you to another country? Are you guys ok with being long distance? The longer you stay together, the more pressing these questions will become. Not every beneficial relationship has to be forever, but fill your partner in on what’s happening in your life as you make these decisions.
The most important thing to remember when long-term dating a Japanese person is that same-sex marriage is not legal in Japan (aside from a few domestic partnerships scattered around the country). Moreover, gay couples are only recently beginning to legally adopt children. While the situation in Japan is getting better for queer couples, if you want a future for your relationship, you will need to devise ways other than marriage to remain in Japan. You and your partner may also consider moving back to your home country if LGBT rights are better there.
Don’t: Reduce your partner to a cultural archetype
Japanese Dating Reddit Free
This might seem a little antithetical to a blog about how to date someone from Japan, but I can’t stress how important it is to approach dating in Japan with compassion and open-mindedness. It’s very easy to compartmentalize people from another country. You may think you can spot trends in their behavior, but this is based on a very biased perspective. Let your partner show you who they are before passing judgment. https://adultmorning125.tumblr.com/post/654526528305152000/framingham-student-dating.
This especially holds true when you and your partner have a misunderstanding or disagreement. At times my boyfriend and I have used our perceptions of the other’s culture to bolster our arguments — something along the lines of “Americans can’t deal with silence sometimes…” or “Japanese people can be so indirect!” It’s very hurtful to be on the receiving end of cultural stereotypes, so be mindful before flinging them out at the person you love.
After taking these tips into consideration, you’re ready to start building a healthy, fulfilling, international relationship during your time in Japan.
If you have any other tips and experiences with queer dating in Japan, be sure to share them below! 🏳️🌈
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