#this is my first attempt at creative writing since 12

[queenmelancholy]

Guys, I have written my first fanfic ever! And it’s about Thomas Barrow! Yayyy! This is the AO3 link. Please read it if you have time and tell me what you think :)

Title: "I'm Home."

Summary: It was July 1930 and Thomas was revisiting Downton Abbey. He had been homesick for a while in America under the pressure of being half exposed to the limelight and found himself missing his family back at Downton. He dealt with his belonging issues and nostalgia during the journey.

Characters: Thomas Barrow, Guy Dexter, Charles Carson, Elsie Hughes, Beryl Patmore, Daisy Mason, Anna Bates, John Bates, Phyllis Baxter, Mary Crawley, Robert Crawley, Cora Crawley, George Crawley, Sybbie Branson

Word count: 2807

Thomas wasn’t sure about how he should feel as he walked down the stairs to the servant’s hall for the first time in two years. He wasn’t wearing his livery anymore. Deep down he was thrilled to tell everyone how much he had seen in America. But he felt ashamed of boasting to those who used to work alongside him. After all, he was the most bitter about Branson and Gwen when they found happier lives with their socially superior partners. Thomas knew that Guy saw him as equal, but still, the similarities laid bare. He felt awkward about this. 

Guy repeatedly told him not to worry. They were his family and there was no reason why anyone would not be happy for him. But Thomas reminded himself that it was not true. It couldn’t be. How could Mr. Carson give him a warm smile he so craved like he wanted from his own father, when this man thought Thomas deserved to be horsewhipped? How would Mr. Bates congratulate him, when he violently smashed Thomas against the wall and called him a filthy little rat? How could Mr. Moseley care a bit about how he was doing now, when he seemed so annoyed by Thomas when he was struggling to even face himself? People just wouldn’t be easy on him, even after all these years. And Thomas knew himself was the one to blame. 

Although people said they were his “family” for twenty years, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. He owed them a heartfelt apology for what he had said and done. They owed him their apologies, too. Thomas didn’t know why he couldn’t just say sorry to them the day he left the house. Things would’ve been much easier if he did. But he wasn’t sure whether they’d do the same if he had said then - it was probably why he didn’t say it in the end. Deep inside, he was still angry with them. He had been angry all along. 

Perhaps some things were just destined to be wrong and left unresolved. Why would he expect anything different now? 

During the two years in America, Thomas had followed Guy everywhere to film and do publicity. Guy’s friends were all very nice and welcoming. Thomas got close to a few of them through their cricket matches every week. He enjoyed spending time with this small circle of friends as well as his private time with Guy in their house. 

Nevertheless, Thomas was very much aware that the journalists had suspected his relationship with Guy from the start. It was true that America was an open society and most people were friendly towards them, but Thomas wasn’t very comfortable with being in the limelight. Newspapers would make up fake stories about him and Guy for gossip, and he disliked it. Every now and then, he would see his face in some local tabloid, and passers-by would sometimes give him the side-eye. He felt judged all the time, like his private life was put on the table for everyone to see, and they only saw him as that. Thomas found himself in this peculiar situation where he had to keep his mouth shut about an open secret, one that was known by millions of people. He didn’t even know how to behave in public anymore. 

Surely he loved Guy a lot, and he knew Guy loved him as much, if not more. But sometimes he just felt a bit tired of hiding behind the name of a dresser. And all these people who didn’t really know them would talk about them behind their back, saying things that weren’t true. Although he had Guy with him, Thomas just felt more lonely being surrounded by all these strangers in the strange city.

Thomas’s depression was slowly taking over him again. Sometimes he couldn’t sleep at night. He missed home. He wanted to talk to Mrs. Hughes about the things that were troubling him. He knew she would pat him on the shoulder and say no worries, all things would be fine. He wanted to open up to Phyllis about his insecurities and she would give him the wisest advice; he wanted to chit chat with Daisy about the silly little things, argue with Mrs. Patmore, play with the children, and many more things. He even missed Bates as his sparring partner. Thomas just needed someone who actually knew him, from when he was that spiteful young boy and watched him grow into this mature man. 

He knew the people back at Downton wouldn’t hurt him, not anymore. They were his family. He was safe with them. He knew it at last, but it might be too late to admit that. 

One day, Thomas just couldn’t hold it in anymore. In tears, he told Guy he was homesick. Guy was very worried if he was not doing enough to make Thomas feel at home. But Thomas reassured him that it was not his fault - in fact Guy was the only reason why he hadn’t fallen apart till now. Thomas blamed himself for being a coward who just knew how to run away from his problems, like he did during the war and many other times. He didn’t even have enough determination and perseverance to make a new life of his own. 

“That’s not true,” Guy told him, “Look how far you’ve come already. You have been through a lot. I know. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. If anyone had told me that there’s this nice bloke named Thomas Barrow who had been put through the wringer like this, I would think they were writing the protagonist for their upcoming production.” Guy laughed a little and pretended to contemplate, “Hmmm… if so, that character would be so challenging to play.”

Thomas kept looking at the ground. He blinked his eyes in silence before he mumbled, “Then that film would be a blockbuster. But I bet you couldn’t play the role.” He slowly smiled, “And you’d have to be really lucky to get a ticket for it.” They looked at each other and giggled.

“Yeah, that character would certainly be a legend. And I’m glad to know him,” Guy replied satisfyingly.

Finally, he persuaded Thomas to go back to Downton for a week to catch up with the Crawleys and their staff. Guy’s filming schedule was packed so he couldn’t travel with him. Out of guilt, Guy offered to pay for the travelling expenses and bought Thomas his commercial plane tickets. Thomas was reluctant at first but he eventually gave in to the temptation to fly for the first time in his life. Before he boarded the plane, he once again thanked Guy for what he did for him and promised to get better soon. 

As he flew across the Atlantic, Thomas couldn’t help but think about Richard’s words, “Fifty years ago, who’d have thought man could fly?” Well, he was flying now. And he felt simultaneously happy and sad about it. What would Richard be doing now? Did Jimmy finally get settled down? Was Edward watching from heaven and being happy for him? Thomas looked out the window and tears ran silently down his cheeks. 

Soon he arrived in London and travelled north to Yorkshire by train. The scenery gradually changed from city to countryside, and Thomas became more relaxed as he was surrounded by nature. The wind blew through his face and loose hair. He could smell the freshness of the grass and see the blue wide sky. It was a beautiful sunny day.

Once Thomas planned to visit Downton a month ago, he wrote to Mary as a courtesy. He didn’t want to make it a big deal to the downstairs lot so he kindly asked Mary not to tell anyone else. Mary understood that and agreed to keep it secret. Thomas knew that in fact she was excited to see everybody’s surprised faces when he appeared out of the blue. Yes, Lady Mary would be so. Thomas thought to himself and smiled a little. 

His ride back to the Abbey went smoothly and everything along the road was familiar, only that he no longer needed to walk the long way on foot. Time seemed to have paused in the village. Thomas could almost see his younger self stepping out of the post office after sending that telegram to Philip. It was like yesterday. How could these places still look the same while so many things had already changed? He thought of William and Matthew, as well as Ethel and Lady Sybil. He felt sorry for them. “I’m the one who got away.” “Gives hope to us all.” The days when they were here were long gone, but had they ever really left? Thomas suddenly felt overwhelmed by his complicated feelings towards this place he called home. Perhaps part of him had never left, too. 

When Thomas arrived at the Abbey and rang the bell, it was Mr. Carson who opened the door. They were both stoned and stared at each other for longer than usual. Thomas surely expected Carson, but he wasn’t prepared to see this tight-lipped wrinkled man with a head of grey hair standing in front of him. Was Carson this old when he left? He couldn’t remember clearly. Carson was equally shocked. The troubled man that he once supervised suddenly turned up as a guest to the house he managed. Didn’t he finally get rid of Thomas after he met the movie star? Carson shrugged as he recalled that. But he had been reminiscing about the downstairs life with Thomas’s cheeks lately - it was too peaceful without the naughty boy in the servant’s hall. It was somehow boring. Carson was surprised that he would find himself missing Thomas Barrow - like a strict father missing his difficult son. At times he would tell himself that maybe Thomas had found his happiness out there, so there was no need to worry. 

“Mr. Carson, it’s nice to see you.”

“You never fail to surprise us, Mr. Barrow.”

They stood at the front door, both a little unsettled. “Who’s that?” Asked Lady Grantham from inside. “We have been visited by an old friend, My Lady.” Carson raised his eyebrows as he couldn’t believe these words came out of his own mouth. Neither could Thomas, who remembered clearly how he was greeted last time he entered through the front door as acting sergeant. Carson and Thomas nodded politely at each other before they went into the house. Thomas exhaled a deep breath of relief. 

Both Lord and Lady Grantham were very much amazed by Thomas’s visit. They were eager to know how their former footman-turned-butler had been doing these two years. So they had a short conversation about Thomas’s life in America, and Robert seemed a bit too excited as he told Thomas about how it reminded him of his Eton days. Carson couldn’t control his eyebrows, while Mary cheerfully watched on and gave Thomas knowing looks at certain points. 

It was afternoon, the servants had been working on their chores at different corners of the house. So Carson went off to summon them all before Thomas entered the basement. He wondered what Carson would have told them.

Meanwhile, Thomas used the time to revisit his old room in the attic. No one used it after he’d left. He noticed how humble his room was compared with the luxurious room he shared with Guy. The furniture was still in place but it had lost its warmth as there were no traces of living any longer. A layer of dust had formed on the surfaces of his old cabinet and desk. Thomas felt strange. He remembered Dryden Park, the run down estate of Sir Michael Reresby. Would this room ever be used again? Was he its last occupant? What would it become in a hundred years’ time? Thomas sighed and took a last look at his room for eighteen years. He said goodbye to it and closed the door lightly behind him.

After a while, Thomas found himself descending the stairs to the servant’s hall. He felt his heart beating faster as he got closer to the bottom. When he was almost there, Thomas caught a glimpse of the framed writings hanging above the entrance to the servant’s hall - “Watch and Pray.” He was relieved that it was still there. He changed it when he was the butler. Thomas remembered how for fifteen years he walked past the former one every day that said “Trust in the Lord,” and couldn’t help but feel betrayed by God and everyone. He was furious then. But now Thomas was glad that he had grown into a better man and there was no need to be bitter anymore. 

Suddenly Thomas heard Anna’s voice from the servant’s hall, “Be quiet! Mr. Barrow might hear.”

“Oh, I can’t wait! Mrs. Patmore, just come and sit down!” Daisy was apparently in an exciting mood, and what on earth was Mrs. Patmore doing?  

“I just want to make sure it looks perfect.” 

“It’s very beautiful, Mrs. Patmore. I’m sure Thomas will appreciate it.” It seemed even Mr. Bates was here to welcome him. Thomas thought for a moment about what snarky things he could say to Bates. No, he wouldn’t do that, not today. 

“Mr. Barrow may be here any time soon. You get ready now,” Mrs. Hughes said softly. Who was she talking to?

Thomas had anticipated this moment for a month. He kept thinking of his guilt and how to make apologies. Things might have improved, but at the bottom of his heart he still thought they didn’t like him as much as other servants. And he could not fully embrace them for how they treated him in the past. Their misunderstanding towards him could perhaps never change. How could he truly belong here? Or anywhere? But the strange conversation just now might hint that things were not as bad as he’d thought. After all, they were the only people in this world who really knew him. So Thomas plucked up his courage and stepped into the servant’s hall. 

Three shadows rushed forward and hugged him around the waist. “Mr. Barrow!!!” The children shouted with joy. “We missed you a lot,” little George said softly as his big blue eyes looked up at Thomas. Oh god, these children had grown so much. George was almost reaching Thomas’s shoulders. Sybbie was already a young lady and Thomas could see Lady Sybil in her. Marigold was with her parents in London, but Thomas missed her nonetheless. The third little one was Johnny, who was always joyous and nothing like his father, much to Thomas’s delight. It was great that the children had not forgotten him. In fact, they couldn’t be happier to see him. 

Thinking of it, Thomas’s eyes began to well up and his face turned red. “Alright now,” Mrs. Hughes said to the children, “let go of Mr. Barrow or you will choke him out.” They laughed and Thomas noticed something on the dining table. It was a beautifully decorated chocolate brownie cake - Thomas’s favourite. “It was intended for the family’s afternoon tea today. But I asked if we could use it instead and Lady Grantham kindly agreed,” Mrs. Patmore explained. 

Thomas couldn’t believe it all. Why? Was this their apology after all these years? Had he been wrong about them all along?

He couldn’t look up at them but smiled shyly, “Thank you very much. Thanks for this warm reception. You don’t need to do this. I’m not worthy of it.” 

“Don’t say that, Thomas,” Daisy said, “We’ve all missed you. And your mischief, of course.” 

“I really don’t deserve any of this…” Thomas could no longer contain his tears and started to cry. The children couldn’t understand what was happening. They grabbed his hand and looked with worried eyes. “Why are you sad, Mr. Barrow?” Sybbie asked, “Tell us and we will find ways to help you.” Thomas cried even harder. He couldn’t control himself. 

“Mr. Barrow is just too happy,” Phyllis tried to explain it for him, “He has missed us as much as we missed him. So he is very happy to see us all at once now. Aren’t you, Mr. Barrow?” She approached him and offered him her handkerchief. 

“Yes, I am,” Thomas said as he wiped his tears, “I’m just too happy to see you all again.” There was no need for other words. 

Everyone���s eyes slowly turned teary as they smiled with contentment and joy. One thing was sure - Thomas was very much missed and loved here around the servant’s table. They didn’t know it before, neither did he. But now the big boy had come home.

“Welcome back, Thomas.”

Thomas smiled and replied softly, “I’m home.”

[cellarspider]

Qunlat 2/12: Canon, and its various disagreements

⭅ Previous =⦾ Index ⦾= Next ⭆

Before I can dig into the actual sound and structure of Qunlat, I have to first dig into the structure of Dragon Age itself, because… well, the sound and structure of Qunlat changes depending on when it was set down. Whatever version you like is totally up to you–I’ll be trying to document all of them, but also begin explaining how to curate the language to your desires. 

I want to preface this: anybody who prefers what goes on here is totally valid. But I am going to get into some analysis of why, from a conlang hobbyist’s perspective, a fair chunk of later Qunlat doesn’t feel like the same language we’ve previously been presented, and why certain sources should be treated as less authoritative than others.

And I will begin with a comparison: Star Wars. No, no, come back, I promise this won’t hurt!

During the reign of George Lucas, Star Wars continuity and fandom explicitly drew distinctions between levels and eras of canon: The movies were the prime source that could ignore all others. Tie-ins could expand the setting, but due to less centralized direction, they could vary wildly in depiction of everything, including “facts” of the setting. How does the Force work? Are microbes involved? Any cosmic beings or liminal spaces? Do any of them seem suspiciously influenced by Dave Filoni’s wolf obsession? Even the movies don’t always agree!

Fans and official lorekeepers also recognized the difference between when something was made, or which publisher was involved: Tie-ins from the early years were less likely to be compatible with those from later times, and different production houses had their own internal continuities. Did Han Solo fight alongside a giant carnivorous rabbit in a red onesie? Well, he didn’t mention that when interviewed by a monk from a religious order where the enlightened masters become mecha-spiders! Did an omnipotent, insane entity once kill Princess Leia by turning her heart into a diamond? Maybe we could find out, if someone decompiled the memory banks of her assassin droid double who was sent to marry and shoot a three-eyed fake heir to Palpatine’s throne! Did a trans-dimensional scaly jello cube once run a faith healing scam? It’s been banished from the continuity of most tie-ins since then, but it was published under the official Star Wars license! I haven’t made up even one of these!

Equally, fans might also freely decide to ignore earlier or later aspects of canon, because they had their own sandbox they liked to play in. Even parts of generally beloved stories may be generally ignored (hello, Luuke). And all that was common long before you even get to the Disney takeover, when much of the creative direction changed. 

Dragon Age, as a fifteen year old franchise (ow, my bones) that has attempted to be aggressively multimedia and has not maintained a single, unified creative team, is prone to these same eccentricities and inconsistencies. Sometimes things happen for no serious reason whatsoever. Remember when baby Superman landed in Ferelden? I remember that. Doctor Seuss is a dwarven Paragon, by the way.

These are meant to be jokes in the games, sure, but the rules around magic and lyrium change with every game, and on the subject of languages, we also don't have a consistent writing system for the Common Tongue.

Throughout the series, early material conflicts with later, tie-ins conflict with games, individual games may be internally inconsistent, and a sole truth fundamentally does not exist for the canon. 

This is particularly true for ancillary material, which Qunlat can be counted as. It’s a constructed language that isn’t from the main setting. Even when lead writers have been involved in its depiction, the results have sometimes been completely incompatible with the rest of its appearances. 

I am attempting to document this language in a comprehensible fashion. You can see how this might cause problems.

So I am going to try and draw some distinctions. This should be particularly useful for anyone trying to reconstruct things from the wiki’s dictionary and phrasebook, which does cite sources, and includes everything, regardless of linguistic and stylistic incompatibility.

Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age II have a relatively high level of internal consistency in their spoken Qunlat. Things Sten says seem mutually intelligible with what we hear from the Arishok. There are exceptions–a couple rogue words in DAO and Warden’s Keep that indicate some level of uncertainty about the overall shape of the language, and Mark of the Assassin has a few eccentricities, but is largely in line with the two. A large portion of our dialog in DA2 and its DLC has never had a translation provided, but the sound of the language remains consistent. Mary Kirby (formerly of BioWare) was Sten’s writer for DAO, so we can guess that she was the primary source for these games.

Grammar-wise, more complexity might exist in some of the Arishok’s untranslated lines, but my best attempts to analyze them indicate they may be on shaky ground, detail-wise. Words slide around each other in strange ways, though they all sound like the same language.

The one major exception to that unity: DA2’s Qunari armor and weapons. These include some extremely strange additions that are not reflected in the spoken language. New sounds and letters enter the language that were never there before. I’d hazard a guess that either a different writer got involved with naming these, and/or the documentation available was not well-organized or transmitted. When finally defined for certain in World of Thedas Vol. 2 some years later, many of the equipment terms have mistaken etymologies.

Dragon Age: Inquisition continues that trend. There’s more words that have spurious etymologies. Some words have inconsistent spellings. Some sentences accidentally a word. The wiki’s does not help matters, with some statements from the Iron Bull taken as definitions when it doesn’t seem like they’re supposed to be.

During this period, Mary Kirby and Trick Weekes started answering questions about the language on twitter. For our Qunari-focused purposes, Kirby started out the series as Sten’s writer, and Weekes was Iron Bull’s writer, and so we may see differences in authorship between the two. Kirby answers most of the questions about vocabulary, and the answers mostly fall in line with previous Qunlat.

The same goes for Tresspasser. While its new Qunlat vocabulary is unfortunately minimal, the contents largely have the same linguistic feel as the rest of the language, grammar is consistent, and new words make etymological sense. A convert practices their conjugation tables, much to my delight. The language does strain against the relatively limited grammar it contains, though, with Viddasala’s lines in particular feeling like they’re missing connective tissue.

Secondary material far less consistent. Web series and comics like Redemption, Those Who Speak, and the currently-releasing Vows and Vengeance podcast* all are produced with less direct oversight or restrictions of medium and resource availability, tend to be highly divergent in general, and that definitely includes their Qunlat. Tie-in books like Tevinter Nights are only slightly more consistent, but are still of variable quality.

And then there is The World of Thedas.

That's not great.

While the two volumes of WoT scratch the itch for Delicious Lore, Volume 2’s unique additions to Qunlat are contain some glaring incompatibilities with the rest of the series. Volume 1 has a bit of in-universe disclaimer near the start of it, that all sources are biased and imperfect. Volume 2 includes errata from the previous book, including a walking back of ideas like “The Antaam stages duels to the death for promotions”, replaced with “actually the Orlesians made that up during the Exalted Marches to scare their kids”. So, we can see that real-world creative decisions were changed between the two books. That’s understandable.

Unfortunately for our purposes, Volume 2 also includes the largest corpus of grammatically complex Qunlat sentences in the entire series, and they appear to be deliberately sloppy.

I now have to introduce you to my nemesis, Philliam, a Bard!.

This poxy little creature is a character credited in The World of Thedas, Volume 2 as transcribing and “loosely translating” phrases spoken by Qunari soldiers at rest. These sentences are of variable quality, featuring misspellings of pre-existing words, absolutely bizarre sentence structure, and words that previous Qunlat simply can’t support. It’s like reading English and then suddenly you appear to have stumbled into a rogue word in Sḵwx̱wú7mesh.

I focus (saltily) on this for two reasons: First, Philliam, a Bard! is treated explicitly as an unreliable source. I have seen some folks reference his vocabulary in other contexts before, and it shows up in several dictionaries, including taking cues from his pronunciation guide. Do not trust anything found exclusively in his excerpts to fit with the rest of the language: he is intended to be a foreigner who may not fully understand the language, and may, in fact, just be making shit up.

Second, and I may be reaching a little here: as a constructed language hobbyist, I know how things go sometimes. You’ve come up with some sentences you want to translate into your conlang, but you realize you’re lacking vocabulary for it, or worse, you don’t have enough grammatical complexity to even structure the concepts you want to convey. …But you’re really tired, or only have a few minutes to poke at it, so you just fling down some new words and grammar that conceivably look like a translation, though you’re not quite sure how. This is especially common for new conlangers.

These sentences feel like that kind of thing was going on there. I’ll get into the details of why much later, but for now: If something you like in Qunlat contradicts Philliam, a Bard!, don’t feel wedded to stuff from him. He is, both in and out of continuity, an unreliable source.

But if you like Philliam, a Bard!? Go for it! My grumbling is entirely immaterial, DAI and WoT2 add in a bunch of vocabulary that people may want to draw from. Hopefully this post has provided some pointers on how to tailor Qunlat to your own interests. For those who may be interested in further tweaking Qunlat, I’ll give advice later, when we dig into some changes I personally made while trying to expand the language.

The one piece of advice I’ll give now: Beware the wiki’s dictionary. It’s a heroic work to source as many words as they did, but I’ve noticed some typos in their Qunlat (ex. Aqaam written as “Aquaam”), some definitions include irrelevant and misleading information (maraas-lok is the name of a strong alcohol that literally means “no(thing)-thought(s)”, and does not seem to be a verb for “drink”. Bull is just drunk and trying to get you to drink.), some words are fully unsourced, some are missing (placenames especially), and the citations are not comprehensive and do not necessarily list the first time a word appears in canon.

So I have made my own dictionary. It’s mostly based off of theirs, and retains the wiki’s definitions for those who want those. But it also features an accounting of which words show up in which sources, as well as my own notes, which include further definitions based off of verifiable context, etymologies of compound words, corrections for wiki or canon errors, and my suffering through the works of Philliam, a Bard!. I’ve gone through all of DAO and DA2’s subtitles, and World of Thedas Volumes 1 and 2 to verify the vocabulary they include, and at some point I will probably do the same for DAI and Trespasser. Tie-ins are lower down the list, for the reasons I explained above.  

Qunlat’s phonaesthetics will be covered this time, as this is what drew me in first, and laying them out will help readers create names or new words that sound Qunlat.

⭅ Previous =⦾ Index ⦾= Next ⭆

Footnotes

* I haven’t been following Vows and Vengeance, but the only Qunlat in the transcripts is all stuff we’ve heard before, the rest is simply glossed over as stage directions of people chanting or yelling a “FOREIGN TONGUE”. Someone in the YouTube comments identified Taash's chanting as the prayer we hear Sten recite in Origins, so that's almost all of it accounted for. I may listen and see if I can make any sense of the rest of it later, but I have a questionable ear for transcribing languages, so if it's new content, my results may not be 100% accurate.

[imponderabillia]

David Sylvian - Perspectives (Polaroids 82-84)

”In the early part of 1982 I had, for numerous reasons, decided to take a rest from songwriting. This was to be the first break I had had since I’d started as a child at the age of 12. It was therefore not surprising that to relieve the subsequent frustration caused by this action, I turned to the only other creative outlet I’d known, and which had been my main preoccupation until my discovery of music, drawing.

The freshness brought on by this change, the naive pleasure of working and learning in a virtually unexplored area for me opened many doors.

Not least of which being my new found appreciation of the world of the arts. Drawings, paintings, sculpture, ceramics, a universe of creativity which had always been hidden from me, suddenly came to life. I had of course been aware of works by various famous artists before, but although I was able to appreciate a lot of what I had inadvertently seen, I had never felt anything emotionally from the work in the way that I could quite naturally feel from music.

Now all was changed. I first realised this whilst visiting a major exhibition by a painter living and working here in England, Frank Auerbach. The depth and intensity of emotion I experienced surpassed anything I had felt in music for a very long time, if at all. I explain this because through these and various other similar experiences my outlook on life and work changed (or maybe matured would be more appropriate) at quite a dramatic pace. In the midst of these changes came my first attempts at Polaroid montage.

It was during a visit to Hong Kong, one of the stops towards the end of a rather lengthy tour, that I first started working with Polaroid film. As was my routine throughout the tour, I would return to my hotel after the day’s performance and there I would stay for the remainder of the evening, reading and drawing sketches. On our arrival in Hong Kong we found ourselves with a day free. However, having been there fairly recently, and not having particularly enjoyed the place, I decided to spend the day at the hotel, and among other things write some letters and complete some rawings. By evening, having filled all the paper space available with notes and sketches and wishing to continue working on ideas formed while drawing, I turned to the only materials available to me at that time, the Polaroids. This is how it started and so it has continued since, constantly developing, trying to find different uses for the same materials, and when a new technique shows itself using it to the advantage of creating interesting photographs/pictures. I feel I must point out that although looking back I know there were other artists working with Polaroids in the same, or similar areas as myself (most notable of these being D. Hockney), at this time (the remaining months of ’82) I was working totally by means of self-discovery as I had no other possible guides. I gradually became more aware of the work of others towards the middle of ’83. Sometimes consciously (and I hope with humour) I place references in my work to that of others.

Prior to my work with the SX-70, my interest in photography was to be found in areas of concept and design. I never intended or expected to become personally involved in photography, indeed even now my knowledge of the practical side of the art is extremely limited. For this reason and also because of the nature of the work I do, I would not begin to think of myself as a photographer. I have far too much respect for the people who spend a large part of their lives working with the camera (Brassai, Kertesz, Riboud, Benton, McBean and Ray) and who give true meaning to the word.

I do not see the work in this book as an end in itself. Essentially I believe that there are only a handful of pictures I have produced which transcend the techniques used and show a possibility of standing up to time. The remainder are either very personal pictures and ‘or show and explore germs of ideas which may be followed up in the future by work in other mediums.

My experimenting with Polaroids is about at an end. Although I’m still working with the techniques I’ve developed in an attempt to produce pictures of a more lasting quality. I’ll soon be turning my interests to new areas, using, along with new ideas, the more valuable I have learnt from working with Polaroids."

[pocketsizedowls]

The first time I read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, I was in my second year of college.

At the time, despite going to a university that was a 12-hour drive away, I faithfully returned home during every break, every holiday, and every long weekend. Much like Gregor Samsa, the protagonist of The Metamorphosis and breadwinner of the Samsa household, I thought my family needed me. They couldn't function without me. Texts and calls flooded in every day from my siblings, my mother, my father, so at the end of my second year of college, I wrote a creative nonfiction essay about The Metamophosis. My family is not like Samsa's, I claimed. Even if I get transformed into a bug like Samsa did, they would never faint at the sight of me. They accepted me each and every time I returned home from college, slightly changed from the last but still human at my core. They loved me, I said. They always will.

The recent release of Teniwoha's "Zamuza" via Project Sekai's N25 brought me back to that essay, and upon rereading it for the first time since I wrote it four years ago, I... pity myself. At 19, I had not yet come to terms with my family's dysfunction, my mother's narcissism, and my father's neglect. Being parentified growing up often means that you're the last of your siblings to realize you were cheated of a proper childhood, and that growing up too quickly has detrimental consequences on your health. Cortisol, the steroid hormone released into your body during long periods of stress, is only good for your body in smaller doses. Today, I am writing this post at 6am after rolling around in bed for hours, stuck in the limbo of waking and sleeping. Unfortunately, insomnia is only one of the issues that arise in adulthood after living in fight-or-flight mode your entire life. I would love to tell you more, but that would make this post way too long, so let's move on to the interesting stuff:

I see a lot of my younger self in Mafuyu Asahina, who puts on a "good girl" facade her entire life in order to meet the expectations of her demanding parents. By that I mean, she sacrifices her happiness and her identity to secure love and empathy from her mother, and boy do I know helpless that feeling can be. I only wish that when I was in high school, I also had good friends like Kanade, Mizuki, and Ena. That it didn't take me so long to realize that I am not responsible for my parents' emotions and that I did not need to take on adult responsibilities at a young age to be loved. Because love, as most people learn at a young age and I learned when I was a little older, is supposed to be unconditional.

Gregor Samsa, who transformed into a bug at the beginning of the story, died at the end of The Metamorphosis due to familial neglect. After sacrificing his entire life and identity to serve his family, they moved on quickly without him once he was no longer useful as their golden child. This would have been my fate, had I not pivoted my priorities later on during college to focus on myself. This would have been Mafuyu's fate, if not for her good friends who are unconditionally invested in her well-being. The song "Zamuza" is inspired by The Metamorphosis, and the song is often called "Samsa" when referred to in English. A tribute to Samsa, I think this song is not only Kanade's attempt to save Mafuyu, but also her way of making sure that Samsa, despite being forgotten by his family, will continue to be remembered by her audience.

Take a listen, if you haven't yet:

[ltwharfy]

"Bob's Burgers" Season 3 Episode Ranking Rewatch (long post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post!

Now on to Season 3:

Average (Mean) Score: 4.43

Mode (Most Common Ranking): 5

Ranking breakdown: 12 5s; 9 4s; 2 3s

Season as a whole thoughts:

Season 3 is a goddamn delight! My season 2 as a whole review was positive and Season 3 just builds on everything I enjoyed in season 2. More wonderful recurring characters are added to the mix- Mr. Branca, Mr. Ambrose, Courtney, Henry, and a certain Regular Sized boy I relate to way too much- among others! The world of the show expanded with our first visit to Kingshead Island. And the show continued to grow creatively- hitting new highs in music with "Lindapendent Woman" and "Topsy". Plus, we finally got a full length season meaning we get our very first holiday episodes, including my all-time favorite Christmas episode! I also feel like the show had mostly conquered the tone/characterization issues that popped up in the first two seasons. Bob's occasionally still a bit more of a dick than in later seasons, but he gets called on it now ("The Unnatural")!

In my season 1 review I mentioned watching that season as it aired and thinking it had potential. In my season 2 post, I mentioned that at that point it had gotten good enough that I would've been upset at the time if it was cancelled. By season 3, it had become one of my favorite shows- one that I would encourage friends and family to check out. If people weren't watching the comic glory of "O.T." and "Topsy" they were missing out big time!

Some thoughts on particular episodes:

(Since these seasons are longer I will be writing about a smaller percentage of the episodes- feel free to let me know if you want my thoughts on an episode I don't discuss)

"Bob Fires the Kids": One of my favorite things about this rewatch is discovering what I think of as the "sleeper hits"- episodes I remember being fine but, upon rewatch, turn out to be even better than I remember. This episode was the sleeper hit for Season 3. The kids are exceptionally hilarious in this one- especially being upset about Bob firing them and their attempts at summer fun before they work on the farm. And everything Mickey does is hilarious- the calypso song he sings, his description of "Big", not knowing how to put his hands up, pretty much all his dialogue with Bob ("B.B. King has that disease" "shut up, Mickey"- that exchange always makes me laugh.) Also, "I knew you so briefly, you dead soap dog" is an all-time great eulogy title.

"Mutiny on the Windbreaker"- Probably one the show's zaniest episodes and I love it! Gene falling in love with a a manatee puppet, Louise getting the manicurist to make her claws, all the Bob and Duval interaction- it never fails to make me laugh!

"The Deepening"- "Our toaster is confused, too. It doesn't know why we put bagels in it." This episode could get a 5 for that line alone. Also, I love Mort's standup comedy attempts in here, and the Bob, Teddy, and Mort vs. the shark finale. I wish they revisited the idea of Bob as Block Captain and Hugo as Quadrant Captain in future episodes- stupid neighborhood power struggles make great comedy, and it could've been a great way to get Hugo in the show without threatening to shut down the restaurant.

"Tinarannosaurus Wrecks"- One of this season's two 3s; in an ask game I once said this was my least favorite episode of the show. I empathize with Tina waaaaaaay too much in it to find it particularly entertaining. The first time my mom tried to teach me to drive in an empty parking lot, I basically had a panic attack. I didn't hit anybody's car, but my mom gave up on teaching me and my dad was out of the picture, so I ended up not learning to drive until I was in my 20s. It's hard not to think of that when watching this episode. That said, Tina's Hell fantasy is funny, I enjoy the Mort as the Belchers' chauffeur subplot, and Bob Odenkirk is always good. But it's still my least favorite episode of this season.

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins"- My favorite Christmas episode! "Mannequin comes to life" is one of those tropes/plots that always amuses me for some reason, and this episode has some hilarious fun with it. "He said he's not a murder mannequin" is an all-time classic line in my book. Also, the ending with Chet saying he has a loft in Manhattan and Bob's "What?!" is one of the best last lines of an episode. Always leaves me with a laugh.

"Broadcast Wagstaff School News"- If I do a top 25 episodes list at the end of this rewatch, this episode will almost certainly be on it. Both the main plot and the Gene-as-little-Bob subplot are hilarious! "Back to you, Andy!" "Back to you, Ollie!" is the ultimate Pesto Twins moment to me. We get some character development for Zeke (his family moves around a lot), Mr. Branca makes his debut, Tammy and Jocelyn team up for the first time- this is pretty significant episode in the development of the support players at Wagstaff- in addition to just being really freaking funny.

"O.T.: The Outside Toilet"- A hilarious episode with a great "Belcher kids and their friends have an adventure" bit (I live for those), and an emotionally resonant plot for Gene. And drunk Linda repeatedly changing her terms for taxi ("snacky", "snatchy") always cracks me up! One time, I was creating a dating profile on Bumble and I had recently rewatched this episode on Cartoon Netowrk, and in the "About Me" section of the profile I wrote "I will never get tired of that episode of Bob's Burgers where Jon Hamm plays a talking toilet". I'm still single (but that profile did actually lead to me meeting one of the more interesting people I've met through a dating app, so...)

"Topsy"- Pretty much generally acknowledged as a classic, so I'll just specifically mention how much I love Teddy in this one. The whole backstory he comes up for "Dr. Glen Wellness" and the line "What's it like out there? Are people still the same, with their funny ways?" is sooooooo good. Like, I need to think of an occasion to say that in real life.

"It Snakes A Village"- Meh. If you want me to care about a story, don't make it about Gloria and Al. Especially don't make it about their sex life.

"The Kids Run the Restaurant"- I don't watch this one a ton because I can kind of empathize with Bob's squeamishness re: blood, but it is pretty hilarious. I especially loved Gene's idea of reformatting the restaurant to serving chicken. This week, I managed to turn his line "Chicken on a treadmill, last offer" into a running joke with a coworker whose never seen the show, so that was fun.

"Boyz 4 Now"- One of the strongest candidates for the title of my favorite "Bob's Burgers" episode. After rewatching it, I really think it might be the episode I would use if I only had one episode to try to convince someone to watch the show. It's unfailingly hilarious yet also has a relatable emotional core. I'm a 42 year old man, and I still feel like Louise every time I have a crush. Louise and Tina stories and "Louise in denial of her feelings" stories are two of my favorite types of stories and this is both. Plus, the tablescaping subplot really shows the Belchers at their best- all getting really enthusiastic about something pretty weird that one of them is doing! Also, Boyz 4 Now and their songs are hilarious and a perfect parody of pop music. My ranking scale for this project only goes up to 5, but in reality this an A++++, 15 out of 10, no notes.

"Carpe Museum"- Another all-time classic. Putting aside it introducing my favorite recurring character for the moment it also has: some of the show's definitive Bob-Louise bonding moments; the introduction of Henry Haber; Linda joining a picket line and coming up with obscene chants; Frond and the museum lady flirting; Teddy's speech encouraging Linda to go to the museum...so much good stuff! But yeah, there's also the introduction of Regular Sized Rudy, the most "me as a kid" character in TV history. Oh, and that last scene with Bob, Louise, and Rudy cuddling on the school bus? Basically the cutest thing ever in my book. If I ever seem a bit too excited to talk about Roudise on here, please keep in mind that I've basically been shipping them since May 5, 2013, with relatively few people to talk about it with until I joined this silly website last year.

Random Thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-It is so nice for the show to have the normal version of the theme song and opening credits! Yes, the changes are small, but they matter to me. The opening music and credits in the first two seasons are just not as fun and lively as the version from three onward- and it makes the show as a whole feel a bit more fun now.

-Gene in "Broadcast Wagstaff School News": "Quick! Comb me over! Trump me!" It's so weird when pre-2016 TV shows make jokes about that guy in the genre of "businessman"/TV personality with bad hair knowing now that he is a wannabe fascist dictator.

-"Things that are different in their first appearance" department: Regular Sized Rudy's voice is noticeably different in "Carpe Museum" (it was funny to hear that interview where Brian Huskey said he was told "do what you did at the table read" and didn't really remember what he did at the table read). Also, Mr. Branca's pants are a different color in his first appearance than they normally are- I'm assuming that his normal pants were damaged in an unfortunate incident with his work crowbar.

Well, much like the Deuce of Diamonds and Toad the Wet Sprocket, I gave you my magic and now I am going to disappear. (Not really, I'm just ending this post. I'll still be here. I just couldn't resist making another reference to that line)

[gascon-en-exil]

What kind of build do you picture Osvald and Partitio having? Any images for reference?

Unlike a lot of other gay guys apparently, I don't keep a portfolio on hand of naked and nearly-naked men. I need to save room for my explicit selfies. Also, I know now that Tumblr can be weird about censoring posts that show too much skin.

Fortunately, text is fine.

Osvald's a bear, period. I think his Champions of the Continent art captures that best.

Very tall - tallest of the travelers - broad-shouldered, strong jawline, stocky, and a ton of muscle from an extensive workout regimen. He's also extremely hairy: chest, back, ass, all of it. All that natural insulation served him well on Frigit Isle, but it's bound to kill him if he ever spends much time on Toto'haha unless he gets creative with ice magic. He will, of course.

Has especially well-defined and squeezable pectorals with prominent - and sensitive! - nipples, so that the fiery breasts/juicy, fuzzy peaches jokes can flow unabated. Now that he's pushing forty and has a sugar daddy determined to make sure he eats well, Osvald will be getting a bit softer all over. Partitio likes this, in part because it's nicer to cuddle with but mostly because it's a sign that his lover is comfortable and well-treated.

Also per my own canon and likely actual canon as well, has an abundance of poorly-managed scars from his time in prison. I have them all over his chest, back, and arms, as well as small but visible scars on his cheeks from the muzzle that were hidden beneath his full beard but can be seen now that he's gone for a more fashionably trimmed look as in his ending CG.

(Beginning with Chapter 12 of What Burns Between Us, where he's dumped the prison clothes and gets his glow-up, that one official piece has been my most consistent visual reference for him. He's so unexpectedly dapper!)

His teeth are noticeably worn, as expected from someone who'd gone five years with no ability to practice oral hygiene of any kind. Osvald is uncomfortable about letting anyone other than Partitio see his scars; if these two ever do get around to a threesome, he'll probably be keeping his shirt on unless the circumstances are perfect.

Has a comically-oversized cock and equally large and heavy balls; Osvald manspreads with purpose, and when he's hard everyone knows it even when he's fully clothed. The fascination with large penises is a relatively recent development in history, so Osvald being surrounded by horny size queens might come off as slightly anachronistic...but he takes it all in stride. Roque has some especially interesting thoughts on Osvald's endowment that I'll be delving into in my next fic re: historical perceptions of penis size and his own insecure, classist snobbery. Partitio however is not a size queen, and while he might be inclined to brag (in select company) about his ability to take the biggest dick in Solistia it's not something he especially prizes about his lover. Still, if anyone could knock him up through sheer willpower and an ungodly amount of semen, it would be Osvald. (I have absolutely no intentions of ever writing mpreg...but we may all enjoy the image of an enraged Papp chasing after Osvald and attempting to castrate him while Partitio and Roque look on in horror, for very different reasons: Partitio because he hates when his family fights and doesn't want Osvald to be maimed, Roque because Osvald's equipment is an unprecedented miracle and deserves to be studied...preferably by him.)

Oh, and both men are uncut per the norm for the time period. This does present some issues when doing sex scenes since I mostly handle circumcised men (as is currently standard in the US) in my offline work, but nonetheless I have enough experience with foreskins to manage.

On to Partitio - I've spent less time physically describing him because most of my first two fics are from his PoV, although points where his build/appearance would deviate from canon have forced me to think of that somewhat.

In general: lean, long legs, second-tallest of the travelers. It's hard to say for sure, but in the group ending CG it looks like the top of Partitio's head would come about up to Osvald's cheeks so he's not quite a full head shorter. It'd be easier to tell if Partitio weren't leaning on Osvald in that pic...but I'll gladly take the incidental gay in exchange.

Several of his pics give off the impression that Partitio's yellow longcoat make him look larger than he really is:

Let's also enjoy him get casually handsy with another man in an illustration meant to showcase a game mechanic.

This helped contribute to my perception of Partitio being big on performative masculinity, possibly to mask his insecurities about being gay, and that if he were in a situation that allowed him to step out of that role, as in Wooing that Drifting Imagery, he'd take to it well and even come to enjoy it.

Per canon he doesn't exercise but stays fit through his work, presumably manual labor and combat. As such his build might be closer to a farmer's or miner's compared to Osvald's developed gym bod (very gradually sliding into dad bod). Later in life, and taking Partitio's wealthy lifestyle and his father's build into account, this may translate into Partitio developing a gut which he won't be very happy about. I've had nothing to say about any body hair Partitio might have aside from Osvald getting a hair while rimming him...although that says very little since even smooth guys tend to have some hair around their assholes. With as moderately hairy as I've made Papp, it's likely that Partitio has some modest amount of chest hair that's just never been worth remarking on. He's also capable of growing a "patchy" beard, as he did in prison before he shaved it off. Papp has a full beard, so I assume Partitio has the genes for it.

Haven't had much occasion to comment on Partitio's junk either. It's presumably average. He does precum quite a bit which has manifested in several sex scenes and allowed Osvald to roleplay Partitio getting "wet" as part of their feminization bit, though.

Partitio's hair color is a little hard to define. It looks black in-game, but some pieces of art give more of a dark brown tinge. I've dodged around this by simply calling it "dark" and thereby suggesting it could be either or both. I've also split the difference with his parents: Papp obviously has black hair, while his wife (who's a recurring character in my third fic) was a brunette.

The question of Partitio's skin tone is an uncommonly interesting one. Some early concept art depicts him with darker skin and features compared to what appears in the finished product.

This is why you'll sometime see fanart more along the lines of how he appears in these sketches.

While I don't have a problem with that and can even appreciate the variation, when it came time for me to stick him in drag in my second fic I had to actually think about that for a bit. My stories already layer in a bunch of homophobia and occasionally sexism and classism into the world of OT2...so trying to work through how (human) race works in Solistia on top of all that just seemed like entirely too much. It's already a bit of an odd sell since no one in-game seems to make much of a distinction between the people of Hinouema (obviously East Asian) and humans elsewhere in the world (Europeans/Euro-Americans). Of course there's also the beastlings...but that's a whole other mess that I really don't want to start reading real-world 19th century analogues into even though the material absolutely is there if someone wanted to do it.

So I settled on Partitio having his in-game skin tone, with the Yellowils being faux-Anglo-American or something along those lines. They still code as foreign in the Brightlands on account of their accents (as seen in canon with Agnea), and Partitio thinks he looks paler than usual with powder on his face, but no one's making any concrete racial or ethnic distinctions.

(Somewhat unrelated final point: I think another incredibly petty contributing factor to my latching onto these guys for my first ever fanfics is that they, as well as Papp and Roque, all have natural hair colors so I don't have to think about blue/purple/white etc. pubes. The most headcanon-y I have to get there is with Roque; I have him having been blond before he went grey, with a lot of insecurities surrounding twink death and such to match.)

[crusherthedoctor]

2, 5, 12, 21 for Eggman :)

2. Favourite canon thing about this character?

How am I supposed to choose? D: There's how funny he is, how evil he is, how clever he is, how creative he is, how persistent he is...

I do especially love how hands-on he is with his schemes. It's one aspect of many that sets him apart from other villains, and when you think about it, his eager dedication to his work ties-in to how his (evil) willpower in general is comparable to Sonic's own. I think it's one of those things that, while not as immediately apparent as some of his other traits, is nonetheless equally important to maintain.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Boss themes and level themes are an impossible one for me to pin down thanks to the sheer number of bangers associated with him over the years, and how they're great and iconic for different reasons depending on which one we're talking about.

Leitmotifs, on the other hand...

Make no mistake, E.G.G.M.A.N. and the '06 theme are both great, but this one really makes you feel like he's about to bust your windows and break your back like Bane broke Batman. It's so goddamn loud and intrusive, which means it's perfect for him. Not to mention there still remains a sinister undertone, since it usually signified that he was about to make things worse for our heroes.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

1. The dart one. Where he has a dartboard with Sonic's face on it in every single base. Including each ship that makes up the Egg Fleet. Just in case he's there and needs to unwind.

2. He doesn't remember much about his parents... and largely doesn't care.

3. He used some of Gerald's inheritance money just to quickly get himself off the ground when he began scheming, but this wasn't for long. Once he had some solid footing, he began earning all his money and resources through his own means, be it mining operations, entertainment facilities...

4. He has a list of all the times he tricked Knuckles. He also has a list of all the evildoers who attempted to usurp him that are coincidentally no longer with us.

5. While Eggman was disappointed in Metal Sonic for betraying and impersonating him in Heroes, he was even more disappointed that he wasn't even that good at it. If you're going to impersonate the world's most brilliant genius, you better not make an arse of it.

6. By the time Infinite made his "decades" remark, Eggman was already planning on getting rid of him, because the moment someone shows him disrespect, they're on his shitlist. One blunder too many from Infinite was simply a convenient excuse that the doctor wasted no time in taking advantage of. That's why it happened so quickly and casually: he already made up his mind on Infinite's fate ages ago.

7. To this day, Eggman feels a sense of possessiveness over Shadow, and would still prefer to have Gerald's magnum opus under his thumb. He knows that's not likely at this point though, so he remains unbothered about killing him if need be.

8. The first robot he ever made was a prototype Motobug.

9. And on the subject of Badniks, one reason why so many of them are based on animals and foliage is because it's his way of trying to one-up Mother Nature. What's better than dinosaurs? Dinosaurs with machine guns.

10. He scrapped SA-55 for grating on him too much with his snarky backtalk, and replaced him with Orbot, whose comments he can tolerate more because they tend to be said with a tone of fear.

11. While his taste for theme parks is genuine, he also makes them as a way to mock Sonic, by creating something full of cheer and laughter as Sonic is consistently seconds away from death.

12. Eggman likes to accuse Sonic of being a horsefucker.

There's actually even more I have, but I'd be here all day. What do you expect, he's my favourite character of all time. XP

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favourite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I could take the easy way out and say all of it is my favourite part and none of it is my least favourite, because he's just that fun and diabolical. But if I have to single out something that doesn't get brought up that often, I like to emphasize - sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly - how uncanny he can be.

You see, it's known at this point that I don't exactly love it when Sonic and Co are given ridiculous meme faces and other over-exaggerated qualities (not counting unintentional examples like SA1's animation, which remain endearing in part because they're unintentional). Yes, they are cartoon characters, and yes, they can show a cartoony side, but they're not deranged off-the-wall loonies doped up on heroin, and it's more than possible to let them react to things in a dignified way that remains in-character.

But then there's Eggman. He's the exception. He can get away with all the goofy faces and abstract gestures he wants, because that's already who Eggman is. I just think the idea of the guy without powers being the one who has all this insane energy and ability to borderline distort his face really goes a long way to establishing how eerily off he is compared to everyone else, and serves as a low-key reminder that his human status and lack of traditional superpowers is not a limitation for him.

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

For the fic ask meme I chose: 6. What do you need to write? Is there anything special you need to do/have to help your creative flow? 12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in? and 26. WILD CARD

thank you for indulging me! 😘

(the meme in question)

6. What do you need to write? Is there anything special you need to do/have to help your creative flow?

My gut response is silence, but that’s not quite right. It’s not that I need no sound, it’s that I need no words (anyone needs me to pay attention to). Songs with lyrics, conversation I’m expected to participate in, even a TV on in the other room can mess me up. If I’m not careful, I start transcribing the stuff I hear rather than my own thoughts!

12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn’t it fit in?

In i know i’ve kissed you before? God, so many. Something like half the Scrivener file is deleted scenes—though most of those are first attempts at scenes I did manage to include, after a few rewrites.

The one I’m maddest I couldn’t get to work is probably my first attempt at a Yasopp-Buggy scene. I’d spent so much time sending Buggy up in the rigging to get some space, I wanted to point out that he wasn’t actually alone up there—Yasopp was in the crow’s nest that whole time, maybe fifteen feet above him. But Yasopp was too professional about his on-duty time and Buggy too self-absorbed to notice him of his own volition, so I had to bring them down to the deck to get a conversation started. :/

26. Wild Card! I'll tell you a fun fact about this fic!

At thirty-four thousand words, ikikyb is the second-longest fic I’ve ever finished! (First place goes to a Pokemon fanfic I wrote when when I was 15, which I only managed to finish because I realized that the ridiculous fantasy elements I’d started to incorporate were taking over what had started out as a pretty basic AAML Sootopolis get-together, so I ended the fic with the get-together and started a sequel (forever unfinished, lmao) focused more on the ridiculous fantasy elements.) When I say shuggy awoke something in me as a writer, I mean it. I’ve written more this year than I have in a single year since 2014, and I’m writing more complex and lengthy stories than I’ve tackled since 2005.

[yerbamansa]

20 Questions for fic writers

I got tagged by @thetragicallynerdy, thank youuu <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

57 since 2018!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

494,281, the vast majority of which is from the last year and a half.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Our Flag Means Death, but previously Schitt’s Creek.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

to wild homes we return to (Schitt's Creek) (5,943 words)

an atypical emotional response to common sounds (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (6,612 words)

Made With Love (Schitt's Creek) (8,942 words)

What happened in Vegas? (Schitt's Creek) (1,000 words)

actually, the markup is very good (Schitt's Creek) (1,166 words)

I started writing Schitt’s Creek fic when the fandom was relatively small, so I suspect that accounts for the prominence here. Funny enough, the one OFMD fic in this list is the most recent thing I posted. The stats on that thing blow my mind a little (not that ever do, like, big name fan writer numbers).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I reply to every one if I can. Sometimes when people binge-read a multi-chapter fic and leave comments on several chapters I find it hard to come up with something to say in reply to all but the last (or specific things mentioned in the comment), but I love when that happens!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Gotta be in a time trap, an efficient little 5+1 not-exactly-a-fix-it OFMD post-S1 timeloop fic where Stede keeps waking up with Chauncey’s pistol in his face.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Skipping the Schitt’s Creek fics, because those are largely happy fluff to begin with… Probably the most uncomplicatedly upbeat happy endings are found in Disruptors and We’re Gonna Live In The Trees.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No one has ever said anything unkind to me on AO3.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh, god, I’m fucking TRYING, and it is a TRIAL. It is NOT my default, but it’s personal shit I wanna work on, so. It’s generally not mlm, though ‘an atypical emotional response to common sounds’ is the one exception. Currently pushing myself to improve throughout the t4t tealoranges climate apocalypse fic the way things are going (with deep gratitude to tragic for their support and advice).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Heh, my first attempt at writing smut was a Schitt’s Creek/The Good Place crossover, Wine Tasting! Eleanor helps Stevie explore her bisexuality as a kind of soul-saving thing (look, I don’t know). I’ve written a few other things that are heavily inspired by other things, or rewrite/twist something into the current obsession (OFMD, always OFMD), but no full-on crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. That’d be weird.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah, though a few have been recorded as podfics. ♥️

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Ask Me Anything: A TealOranges SMAU was totally co-authored with @thetragicallynerdy, of course. I also like to say that Kitchen Mistakes & How To Avoid Them was in many ways a collaboration with my friend rose, who was muuuuch more than a beta reader, even if they won’t claim it as such. And oh no I’ve dropped the ball on this (it takes effort) but several pals in one of my group chats were co-writing a silly thing together, Public Relations: An OFMD Celebrity SMAU. I really enjoy collaborating on creative projects and would do it again! Though, uh, probably no more SMAUs. 😂

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

tbh ships in and of themselves are not my main approach to enjoying things, though I realize that’s the structure a lot of fanworks take (including my own). I really do love writing Jim/Oluwande and Ed/Stede. I know, boring ol’ canon ships, but whatever. Those guys can fit all kinds of wild AUs and personal shit!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ehhh, honestly, if I abandon a WIP, it’s probably dead. I have at least one thing that might look abandoned because I haven’t updated it since August but I swear it isn’t. Probably. Ennhhh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m good at picturing/researching the setting enough to shade in the details and make it feel real for the story. Dialogue, because I hear it in my head and rewind and play it back and write it down. Internal monologue/complicated feelings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh god, smut. Smut is SO hard. Describing bodies/clothes and probably to a large extent facial expressions, too. Em dashes. Tagging.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve really only done tiny bits of Spanish dialogue in fic. I took Spanish in school ages ago, but have never ever ever been fluent, so it’s pretty minimal and uses reference sites/translation tools to do my best that the phrases make sense in context, etc. If it were more than that, I’d want to confer with someone who’s a native speaker or has a lot of direct cultural experience, but generally I don’t think I’m ambitious enough to try to write outside my own experience in that particular way.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Schitt’s Creek, unless you count what might be considered songfic back when I was obsessed with Smashing Pumpkins and Radiohead in high school in the late ‘90s.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmm, an impossible question, really. Maybe all that i need is you and the sea (an accidental time travel amnesiac love story told in five parts), because it was perhaps my first experience with something that bananas taking over my head and just flowing out of my brain over the course of several days, and it touches on all kinds of themes and issues and jokes I include in other fics. I learned a lot working on it, too. I just think it’s neat.

---

Tagging some writers I <3 here who might've already been tagged (i will never catch up with tumblr scroll) or simply don't wanna, so feel free to take this as a friendly wave hello if anything: @emi--rose @epersonae @ghostalservice @bktrashcat @sassygwaine [am i currently re-reading ALTWSS? yes] @petrichorca or really anyone <3

[the-drug-addicts-diary]

My first manic episode

They told me, that despite my bipolar medication, I can still get mood swings. Most likely, I can still get depressed. And i did during winter. Nothing severe, it was just seasonal stuff. So I am always kinda ready for depression, but I wasn't ready for mania. I thought it couldn't happen to me.

And I was wrong.

My medication works perfectly and I'm very responsible when it comes to it. I got into full remission for a long time, so i really didn't see it coming. My lithium levels most likely dropped a bit, which should be fine. We'll just wait for the results to come and increase the dose. I'm not afraid much about that part.

But there were signs. Many weeks before that. Signs i didn't pay attention to, because it didn't occur to me that this could happen. I never heard of the prodromal phase of mania before. For example, depression is one of many possible symptoms, i mean, what the f...?

In 12 years of being treated as a bipolar patient (and 7 of being diagnosed) i never even got manic before. I had mixed episodes or depressions.

I had a couple of cases of hypomania as well, but it was so rare and mostly harmless, that i never really cared.

Most of it happened during active addiction and it pretty much made me believe that since I'm clean and medicated, it won't happen again.

Hypomania was laughter and higher self esteem.

It was buying stuff i didn't need. It was high heels and a minidress, and drinking with strangers. It was bright and pure. It was creativity and stupid impulses, with more or less severe consequences. It was fun.

But mania was a killer.

My heart was so full, that if i'd get any happier, I'd explode into millions of pieces of joy and rage. It was gaining more and more energy from any attempt to get rid of it. Mania was not being able to think or speak coherently, because every single thought shattered into thousands of others. Mania was "I'm not bipolar" thinking.

It was two weeks of my life i have almost no memories of.

It can still be a part of a mixed episode, but i'm starting to doubt that.

Thankfully, I didn't do anything I would have to regret. I learned to love myself so it would probably take much more to make me do anything, that could harm me in any way. Mostly, I was just making videos as a "project" for youtube (which was, luckily, forbidden by my wife) where i was trying to describe how i felt, and got frustrated every time, because i couldn't speak.

It makes it easier to remember, but really hard to watch.

But i finally understood how nasty this disease is. A part of me always thought that I am "faking it". I had these thoughts during the episode, and I kinda have them now, while not even sure if the episode is truly over, or if it's just a temporary effect of the antipsychotic pill i took 2 days ago. Anyway I tried to really fake it yesterday, just so I'd know, and it's not physically nor mentally possible.

Which means, it was real.

Those signs i talked about earlier, they are still here. I don't need much sleep. I'm forgetting to eat, but still have lots of energy to keep me going. My thinking is different. My cognitive functions are one big mess. I can't focus, I'm easily distracted. My memory sucks. But it's still much, much better than it was a couple of days ago.

It wasn't fun. It was horrible and i wanted it to end, while being eternally grateful that i get to experience it. It was inability to hold a thought long enough to share it out loud. It was a shadow, appearing in the corner of my eye, but disappearing before i could take a good look at it. It was being frozen in one moment, just a second before my reality was about to collapse. It was creepy... and it was loved.

There are so many words i could use for describing what it was like. I could precisely describe it in many ways. But I can't say how i feel about it right now.

There are no words for that.

(Update: yeah, i was definitely manic while writing that, but I'm still gonna keep it here.)

[sleepyowlwrites]

15 Questions for Copper

I have two tags from Breezy, so you get a Copper one and a Rune one, so all three of our mains will be taken care of. in honor of the efforts of my tagger, I'll try and make this one more creative than Jet's. tho. Jet's was always going to be straightforward. that's who he is. anyway. @blind-the-winds (sidenote: my playlist for you SLAPS)

Yarrow skips up to Copper, a notepad and pen clutched in his hands. "I have a request!"

Copper eyes Yarrow over the rim of his coffee-to-go cup. "Am I so favored that you're going to draw me?"

"No." Yarrow taps the pen on his arm. "I mean, sure. I can draw you, if you want. I like it to be spontaneous, and the vibes to be so bright they're sparking at me, you know? Right now I have a different request."

"Okay." Copper perches on the arm of Moss' couch. "What is it?"

"First of all, do not sit on the arm. Moss will make you clean the garage if you do that. Second, and more importantly," Yarrow continues as Copper moves down to the cushions with a disgruntled sigh, "I would like to interview you."

Copper frowns up at him. "Didn't you already interview Jet?"

"Yes," Yarrow says impatiently, "and he was terrible. I should've anticipated it. It was too boring to use. Please help me out!"

"Okay." Copper pulls his feet up and then stops to kick off his shoes when Yarrow gives him a look. He situates himself on the couch, cross-legged.

"Okay!" Yarrow sits beside him, pen poised to write down the answers.

1. Are you named after anyone?

"Not as far as I know. I think Jet and I were named after 'objects of middling value to keep us grounded' or that could just be the excuse my parents gave to people who asked."

Yarrow scribbles that down. "Jet didn't say anything about that."

"Are you surprised?"

"No."

2. When was the last time you cried?

Copper sips his latte. "Last week, I guess, when Jet and I had another discussion."

"About how he's allowed to feel things?"

"Yeah."

3. Do you have any kids?

Copper just raises a brow.

"It's in the questions! I didn't pick them, I just ask them."

"No."

Yarrow writes "NO" on his pad. "Would you?"

Copper scratches gently at the skin on his wrist. "Maybe."

4. Do you use sarcasm?

"Sure, you've heard me use it. Mostly with Jet and Jet 2.0."

Yarrow eyes Copper curiously. "Honestly I think she shares just as many similarities with you."

Copper chews on his cheek.

6. What’s your eye color?

"Golden-y brown, if I'm allowed to be specific."

"You are. I think they're a pretty dark gold, though."

"Let me have this."

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings, 100%. Real life has plenty of scares in it already."

"What scares have you faced?" Yarrow adds a checkmark for flair.

Copper looks at his latte. "Well. There was the whole being separated from my brother for no discernable reason."

Yarrow just nods slowly to that.

8. Any special talents?

"I like to think I have a knack for reading people, but it seems more like I'm just good at reading Jet." Copper looks at his latte again. "I'm pretty good at retaining what I read. And I can guess people's ages most of the time."

"You can get Hawk to socialize with the rest of us."

Copper chuckles without noise. "Is that a talent?"

"I'm counting it."

9. Where were you born?

"Here, but many, many streets away." Copper gulps at his rapidly cooling drink. "Haven't been back there in a while."

10. What are your hobbies?

"Do I even have any right now?"

Yarrow shrugs. "I thought it was the labor-intensive rehabilitation of Jet's emotional spectrum."

Copper exhales sharply. "You- really have a talent for hitting at situations, huh."

"I'm just observant." Yarrow half-smiles.

11. Have you any pets?

"No. Pets aren't my thing, anyway."

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Copper laughs for real this time. "Jet has tried everything with me. If it includes a ball or some kind of object in motion, he's attempted to teach it to me. I kinda took to basketball for a while, but it was only fun playing with Jet, since, you know, he's my height."

13. How tall are you?

"174cm."

"Is that how tall Jet is?"

Copper pouts. "He's 175 now, apparently. I thought it would bother me."

"It doesn't?"

"Only in the most superficial sense."

14. Favorite subject in school?

"History, which is ultimately why I studied anthropology. I just like looking at how humans dealt with being humans throughout the timeline. The things that changed. The things that never did. We're all still people, whatever time our stories happened, and we could never stop telling them."

Yarrow smiles as he writes. "You can be poetic when you want to be."

"Thanks, I guess."

15. Dream job?

"Honestly?" Copper leans against the couch, suddenly tired. "I don't know. All I think about these days is whatever Jet is up to, and that situation doesn't seem about to resolve swiftly. I can't think about long-term for me until I know what might happen in the short-term. The priority is not losing Jet again."

"That's not wrong, you know." Yarrow sets his notebook aside. "You don't have to have lofty dreams or super detailed goals. You can just live right now and treasure what you have. I mean. Time doesn't stop and you have to look forward sometime, but you're a forward looking person by nature. I think it's good for you to look at right now."

Copper turns his head into the couch. "And you're a person who always looks at right now."

"I look at the spectrum," Yarrow corrects. "I just always choose to look at right now because that's what I want to. I could learn from you."

"We can learn from each other, then," Copper says, just a little breathless.

Yarrow reaches out to hold Copper's hand. "We absolutely can."

I'm a little late to this, so if there's anybody who hasn't done this yet, OPEN TAG! and uh @enchanted-lightning-aes @nopoodles @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @sarahlizziewrites @rains-inky-mind ?

I guess I should also use the taglist: @zoya-writes @oh-no-another-idea @selene-stories @diphthongsfordays @wildswrites

[lokilysolbitch]

My new fixation is bad poetry

and its making me think about how to define art and poetry and what makes poetry good etc but I can't go back and find my sophomore english teacher and rant about it so I'm making it yalls problem. but mr c if ur in here pls read also what do you mean thats one way to skin a hamster. thats not how it goes what are you talking abou

first of all, ive finally figured out my current definition of art: records of the human experience or just experience in general. so yes paintings and poetry but ALSO tiktoks or a decorated room. idc if you think its stupid there are remnants and references to human experiences ALL OVER those. so basically if it left a mark at any point, its art. maybe not always "good" or skilled, deep, etc but it is art (to me)

secondly, what is poetry? the same sophomore english teacher asked this at the beginning of a unit and the class was struggling. every time we listed a requirement for poetry he went "is that necessary though?". "it has to rhyme" "does it?" "it has to be deep" "does it" "it needs to have words!" ".....does it?" man idk i was 15 and sleep deprived

but now im less sleep deprived and i have an answer. I would consider poetry a spectrum (but not necessarily flexible. i wouldn't say you have to bend it's meaning to make something fit) but also playing with language, to be playful with it and have fun with it, to use it as a toy in a way. using language in a way different from its intended use. so writing a personal narrative about a deep topic? not poetry. maybe you had fun with it but thats still its main use. to make words rhyme, to alliterate, to use words just plain wrong? probably poetry. its still a spectrum. and im aware this means that saying something like "yew nork/glass fork" would count as a shitpost and poetry while "Ill love you and ill never stop loving you" doesnt and um i dont care i said what i said--

this would also mean most books and speeches would have little bits of poetry in there and i stand by that too. maybe the entire thing isnt poetry but bits of it could count. i came to this conclusion on the meaning of poetry because i saw too many "aesthetic" free verse poems that were just. tweets. you coulda just made it a sentence and posted it for free. there was no attempt to play with language. you just used it the way you were supposed to. its just a quote.

im definitely going to add more onto this about what i think poetry critics miss sometimes and why formal teaching of poetry is flawed but not all in one post bc its a lot. However i have one last concept to attempt to define. this one has always made me the angriest

GOOD VS BAD POETRY/ART

where do i even start. maybe we should just get rid of these terms completely and make people say what they mean. is it good or did he just use literary devices correctly. is it good or is it genuine. is it good or is it deep. is it good or is it entertaining. is it good or do you like it. is it good or is it popular. is it good or is it complex. is it good or is it creative.

ive been saying since i was i was maybe 12-13 that even though good does not have a solid stable meaning, there is still a sense of what good is. We know what its supposed to be. classical music, Edgar Allen Poe, Da Vinci are good. sure most people barely know or understand or care about these things other than one piece of work they can recall because they had to look at it in highschool that time and the teacher seemed to appreciate it. and we know that reality tv, messily hand drawn animals, and half assed near unintelligible tiktok skits are bad.

but....wait we like those though

ive come to the conclusion that while still shifting, "good"'s meaning in scholarly settings tends to come down to whatever those somethingth century european dudes and what the modern smart looking guys deemed intelligent. and in colloquial settings, what everyone likes.

many pretentious types will say rap is bad and the subject matter is crude and the same way im sure some old european guy would have said or has said traditional african music is too weird and primitive to be respectable.

now. i dont really listen to rap intentionally. if its in there its in there. I used to be pretentious and after changing i just never got too deep into it BUT. i listened to a Nicki Minaj song one time just to see and yeah it was not family friendly but dear god was it clever. the way she'd drop the most genius alliteration-personification-allegory-englishvocabword and then just keep it moving like im not gonna have to stop and ponder the seven layer reference to bedtime hanky panky. its smart. its creative. its complex. and so many rappers can write about the same topics over and over and still come back with a new way of phrasing it. its genuinely impressive

but so many still wouldn't consider it good.

the term good when it comes to art, while having somewhat of a meaning is still useless. make your own personal standards for what is important for you to see in art. its kind of silly for us to collectively decide "okay this art? we like it. this is good" and then go to a different community (age group, culture, race) and go "were going to show you the new gold standard for good! its what we liked! you dont do it like this?? then yours is bad!". historically thats never been a good move

what i find important with poetry (and by poetry i mostly mean song writing bc i dont even read poetry like that) tends to be "is it a poem? or a sentence/paragraph". everything other than that just has to do with my taste and what I prefer in the moment. and it goes the same for everyone else. there's no universal good or bad with art. its just what a dominant or culturally respected group of people said was important.

limericks are bad tho jesus told me/j

TL;DR: i think anything that records an experience is art. i think toying with language mostly makes it poetry, and i think its weird people create little boxes for good and bad and make everyone else adhere to it

[sinister-faye]

Gamedev update

The good, the bad, and the revelation.

Hello my fellow artists, gamedevs, and other folk who stumbled upon this.

Tldr; I have to stop Armageddon ignition til I have more time and a team, but I have other things I want to release to help me get funds to help with both problems.

Here is the long version:

It's been a spell since the last update. The delays are complex and fairly personal. But the conclusions I've come to on the other side of my chaotic life are going to shape what this solo dev project will ultimately become.

The good

So for the longest time I kept hammering away at my game while having some blinders on. One core belief I held was that I was going to do this all solo. While writing and planning a game that I needed 12 voice actors for at a minimum. (The full weight of that dichotomy crashed over me later, don't worry.) Watching my first in game cutscenes and hearing either a soulless bot spit out the lines, or my own attempts at doing multiple voices, raised some flags in my mind. But I still pressed on. I just needed to work on the game every day.

I also wasn't seeing as much growth in followers with my various blogs or twitter. Sure I made posts. But they seem to blather about nothing and I never have anything other than a screenshots to hype my game.

Life then forced a large break on my time. A month and a half long break that was personal, and a little painful still. This forced break I took helped me see my process and allowed myself to do some introspection on my marketing, presentation, and my goals.

The good news is the game is still gonna happen, and I'm still going to develop it. But...

The bad

Because of this vague event in my life my time is now strained In a way that will prevent me from working on this game enough to make any meaningful progress. And this time constraint won't loosen for at least a year. I want to come back to it. And I have a plan to come back stronger.

During my month long interlude I had some time to think about each thing I could improve on.

1. Better content: guys I'm verbose. And I'm sorry I'm verbose. I really should have been a writer or a philosopher. The accounts I see with the most growth get that growth from .gifs. if I can't sell the idea in a gif I won't post it. Unless it's a bigger how to, or post mortem.

2. Solo development for a game is only good if the game I am making has 1 or less voice actors.

3. Art as a medium is under attack and we need to build groups to make it through. Solo dev only helps a solo person. Team efforts can help teams of people.

4. I talk a lot of talk. Boy do these words I say allude to a lot, without revealing a thing. Even this post assumes that there is a major audience clamoring to hear any small update. I need fans first.

Through all the navel gazing, the most important thing I Learned is that I need to start building a community, but the life event left me a little despondent . Most of my time was spent healing and getting back a good headspace. Now I'm refreshed and ready to use what little free time I have towards making a studio that is a group effort.

The revelation.

During my break I saw the writers strike, I saw the actors strike, I saw rights being pillaged from our livelihoods inch by inch. And I saw people win to get a fairer share. In order to complete Armageddon ignition I'm going to need money to properly pay some voice actors, I want to get more people involved. I finally started a game that I think will see the light of day. But I no longer want to be a hermit about it. And I want a team with more perspectives than my own to help me.

There are too many companies bleeding creative teams dry for "content", there are too many ceo's who look for tools or pipelines that completely remove humans to save a buck for the next quarterly earnings.

My goal has shifted from producing a game as a solo creative to building a company. A group of people who share in the earnings of their product, rather than some white dude who went to Yale and learned that slashing jobs makes the next quarterly earnings look a little better and gamed his own paycheck to give him more money than they ever "saved".

But I don't have the funds now, nor do I want borrowed equity for this thing. If I'm going to build up an organization that is more artistic focused, rather than profit focused. I can't do it on debt that can be leveraged to destroy a queer, story driven studio.

So in order to get a cash flow started I found something that I can do with my much leaner free time. This is going to be an animated project that can, on paper and not just in my head, be developed and maintained by a solo artist.

This time I'm going to release the videos and let the work speak for itself, rather than wax on before it's even done. Once I have some time back I'll try to make a post mortem.

So as far as timelines go. This is going to push back this game indefinitely. But I hope to utilize this time to actually build something that can benefit the game industry. And build a better game in general.

The next blog should be coming with enough detail to sell you on what I have cooking.

See you soon

[animehouse-moe]

Helck Volume 1: A Campy Reverse Demon Lord Isekai-esque Affair

So let me explain my description a little bit. When you ultimately think of a "Demon Lord" you think of the Isekai trope that ends up a sandbox for the "Hero" to parade through. However, this is not an isekai, just straight up fantasy baby. Which makes it very interesting when you take a look at its background. Viz is just releasing this series in English this year, but it's already been completed in a total of 12 volumes in Japan. But, it's getting re-released. So, the original run was all the way back in 2014-2017, and since then the time's been filled with a single volume side story title Piwi: Fushigi na Ikimono and a prequel story that's ongoing titled Völundio: Divergent Sword Saga. It's only been in 2022 that Japan is seeing the re-release of this relic, that effectively predates the Isekai boom, which I find interesting.

Regardless, Helck itself. Definitely very campy. It satirizes the concept of War between Humans and Demons, but also clings onto a serious angle that looks elsewhere. It's really refreshing in that sense because it distances itself from a pure parody that can become a little monotonous, but doesn't try to force itself into being serious. I mean, just look at how stunning Helck himself is (no, Helck is not the character on the volume 1 cover).

What keeps me comfortably confused though is perception. Helck predates the tropes that make it feel campy, but because of when English readers are able to read it, it comes off as camp regardless. Very curious.

Anyways, the whole idea is that the human hero defeated the demon lord in combat, prompting Demonkind to hold the seventh Demon Lord selection tournament. All good and well, but Helck is a human. A human in the tournament who is wiping the floor with his opponents and winning over the hearts of the demons watching the tournament take place. This first volume follows Vermilio (the Demon on the cover) as she attempts to thwart Helck's advances in the tournament while also trying to uncover his motivation for partaking in it.

Overall it's really a unique story that it wants to tell, and does quite well with its exaggerated humor. It certainly has a "classic" feel to it, and I can just hear Kisuke Urahara's VA (Shinichiro Miki) when reading the lines of another Demon (Azudra). It just has that feel to it, even in stuff like the abilities and concept of the world. The characters are measured in levels, but a way that turns it into comedy more than a cheaty ability or video game feature, and also features unique abilities that are classed by restrictions placed upon use. Sure, some of the concepts might seem a little dated, or similar to other stuff, but you have to remember: this probably came first.

Outside of that, there's really nothing else that's not spoilery to write home about, but there's also nothing to complain about. The art is good, and definitely fun, but it's not incredibly stellar by any means. Character designs are fresh and creative but not anything impressively detailed or totally unseen. It does everything well and without a crutch, which in a story like this, is a big plus side. Want to read about the story of a human trying to become a Demon Lord amidst the challenges that both Humanity and Demonkind are facing, but don't want to deal with the escapism and lazy self-insertion of isekai?

This is your best bet

So read Helck if you'd like, I'm sure the majority of people will enjoy it, but it probably won't be something that gets you immediately hooked, desperate for more. Personally, I'm certainly curious where it's going, but with Viz's bimonthly release calendar I'm in a pretty comfortable spot to just wait for the next volume to release in March.

[laurelsofhighever]

Writer’s Year-End Roundup!

I was tagged by the lovely @asaara-writes and I’m going to cop out and tag anyone who wants to do this and hasn’t already XD

Overall, 2022 was a good year. I finally sorted my ideas out enough to get back to longfic. Mostly it was about planning but since that came easily in places I’ve also started proper writing, and as of today, I’m 12 chapters into my Prince Alistair AU and just about ready to start posting.

Outside Dragon Age, DOTA; Dragon’s Blood season 3 gave me some lovely inspiration and I’m pretty proud of te work I did there. The Wayhaven Chronicles also gripped me tight and would not let go, and aside from some solid oneshots I’m now pretty much halfway through the first murder mystery story I’ve ever attempted, complete with vampires. It’s been a lot of fun reconnecting with all the characters I’ve written about in this last year, especially since 2021 was still mostly spent in a nice creative primordial soup waiting for ideas to coalesce.

Special mention to the print version of Falcon, which is a project I started last year and hope to get finished this year so it can sit and look pretty on my shelf.

Words written: 75,307, of which 29,562 has been published. This isn’t as much as I was expecting considering how many hours it feels I’ve put in, but 1) it’s still the length of a pretty hefty novel and 2) I haven’t counted all the words that are just planning or notebook scribbling, so it’s actually a heck of a lot more.

New things I tried: The biggest new thing is the venture into the murder mystery genre with Like Glitter And Gold. Having to work backwards from the crime to the clues meant the whole story has had to be much tighter than I’m used to in terms of detail, which meant having a much more invested plan and many, many conspiracy board diagrams before I could actually start to write. It’s been fun, though. Apart from that, I’ve learned that I’m most efficient when I plan out a rough script for a chapter first and then try to fill it in, instead of writing a detailed draft on the first try. I’ll definitely use this going forward and hopefully it means I’ll have a bigger wordcount for next year.

Fic I spent the most time on: My Prince Alistair AU for sure. Partly because I’m having to replay the game to refresh my memory of the events and transcribe then rearrange a lot of the dialogue, but also because it’s given me a lot of problems with the structure. It’s also how I found out I don’t so well trying to make a polished first draft. Also also, Dragon Age: Origins is a ridiculously long game, with so much talking - 35k words in, and they’ve only just left Lothering!

Fic I spent the least time on: I always feel miserable on my birthday, so this year I channelled that energy into Once More Around The Sun, a Nate x Detective Leah oneshot that I pushed out in a day. Except for the epistolary chapter of Falcon, it’s the most I’ve ever written in a single day, so I’m pretty proud of it. Happy Birthday to me.

Favourite thing I wrote: I’m pretty pleased with everything I’ve written for TWC this year, in particular So Let Us Melt, And Make No Noise, a fluffy, angsty oneshot, and Like Glitter And Gold, the murder mystery longfic, because it’s been something new for me.

Favourite thing I read: New Year’s Resolution: actually bookmark fics when you like them! I have binged works by @serenpedac (TWC), @tarysande (Shakarian), and @viciously-witty (Labyrinth), and very early in the year I finally got around to The Revelation In All Things by @ellenembee, which is one of the most we thought out Cullen x Lavellan fics I’ve read. In terms of published works, I actually read published stuff this year! Highlights include The Lies of Locke Lamora, Nightwatch, Sistersong, and Ivanhoe.

Writing goals for next year: Finish the remaster and print version of Falcon so I can finally put it on my shelf, finish LG&G, finally start a proper first draft of my Post-Blight story, make separate masterposts for Dragon Age and everything else to pin to each of my blogs, and streamline the way I plot for the Prince Alistair AU. Should be simple enough...

[love-fireflysong]

Welp, and as promised here's me once again restarting up WIP Wednesdays! I think we can all agree to just forget the fact that my last update for one of these was back in *checks archive* NOVEMBER????? Oh, uh shit. Huh. Damn that creativity slump was really kicking my ass there for a bit oops. Did not realize that it had been an entire four months since I last shared anything lol.

So, from the bottom of my heart: my bad. So please find it in your hearts to forgive me asjdhjakshdas.

Thankfully at least, I think I'm starting to find a nice after work/morning routine that should hopefully keep that creativity up again. Four mornings are spent cross-stitching for a couple of hours with a little bit of pc gaming afterwards, one (which is smack dab in the middle of those four days) is like 4-6 hours hanging out in a starbucks/library and ONLY writing, and the other two mornings are my days off of work where I just game for like 12 hours straight lmao. Routines are good for the heart and soul me thinks.

Plus, the slightly warmer weather and more sun is making me feel WAY better about life and picking my ass up out of that seasonal depression so that also helps a shit ton not gonna lie lol.

Enough taking about me trying to get some semblance of a life back together, here's the shit that (almost) everyone's actually here for: a teensy little sneak peak from my new outlast au piece!

The only reason that Ashley refused to give in to the pain though, was because she knew that no matter what pain she was currently feeling, Chris was feeling it magnitudes worse. That he could feel far more than the metal slicing into muscle, that he could feel the stickiness of the blood that coated Josh's back, the fabric of the more than likely entirely soaked jumpsuit digging into the cuts and making them only sting more. That he could feel each and every one of the small pieces of rubble that still continued to dig into the bloody palms of Josh's hands, left nearly shredded from his frantic attempts to chip at the thick wall of his padded prison cell in order to make a gap just barely wide enough for him to squeeze through. All as he dealt with not only the insistent, burning itch in Ashley's left arm from where the word carved there was still healing—plus whatever other aches and pains she had gained in the last couple of hours since her long-awaited release—but his own long, angry, and still weakly bleeding gash on his right arm. A parting gift from one Rick Traegar during his own desperate escape from the confines of the Male Ward. A ward that he had only barely managed to escape with his life in that first hour.

And now for the bit for the people who don't give a shit about my writing: cross-stitch update! Obviously not a huge amount of progress since my last pic, since I've only sewn once since then. But that skiploom is certainly coming along okay and should hopefully be finished tomorrow morning if everything goes smoothly!