#this is meant to be a birthday gift but im 2 weeks early

[staryarn]

Wanted to recreate a fun limbus scene with @ishmaelbonpyre 's ocs!

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[kpopchangedmylife44]

Meeting Wooyoungs family for the first time

- you and Wooyoung have been dating for almost 6 months and you often heard Wooyoung talking to his parents on the phone

- he always seemed so happy afterwards, so you wanted to meet his family as they are so important to him

- you actually convinced him to go on a trip near his hometown, but he didn’t get the clue, that you would also visit his parents afterwards

- you arranged the whole thing and talked to his mother on the phone

- just by talking to her you felt some kind of comfort and you were really excited to finally meet her and the rest of his family

- Wooyoung also talked a lot about you with them, so they had an idea of your personality and relationship

- you both left in the morning to take a train

- as it was so early you closed your eyes the whole journey to rest for some hours and laid your head on Wooyoung shoulder

- he teased you how you could already be exhausted

- ,,Wait till you meet me family one day. You will be exhausted for weeks.“

- you didn’t bother saying anything back, just shrugging your shoulders

- Wooyoung secretly wanted to introduce you to his family for months now, but he was a little scared

- because he could already feel that you would be together for a long time and wouldn’t want his family to have any other opinion about you

- and he knew that it was just overthinking, cause how could they not love you

- but he also didn’t want to pressure you into meeting them

- he stopped thinking about it and just gently played with your hair and smiled while you fell asleep

- after 2 hours you ate some snacks and arrived at your destination

- the next couple of hours were spend browsing around the small shops and eating lunch at a cute café

- he was smiling the whole time because it was rare that he had a day off and got the spend it with you

- Wooyoung just hugged you several times throughout the day, cause he felt like it and it made you really happy

- so the day was already a success and you haven’t even met his parents

- he had no clue what was happening when he spotted his parents and his little brother in front of a shop

- he was actually quite overwhelmed because he felt bad for you, meeting his parents all of the sudden

- ,,y/n I just spotted my parents and I would understand it, if you aren’t ready to meet them yet. I could just say hi to them and we would continue to spend our day together. But I would also be happy if you’re ok with meeting them.“

- he was actually dying to finally introduce his favorite person in his life to the people that mattered the most to him

- and it was really random, but maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward after all

- you just stared at him and waited for him to maybe understand that this was planned, but his gaze grew really concerned, so you explained while bursting into laughter

- ,,Wooyoung, I actually arranged the whole thing, so we could finally meet them.“

- he couldn’t believe it, how could he love you even more than he already had, but in this moment he fell for you all over again

- he gave you a quick peck (although he wanted to do more, but you were in the presents of his parents after all) and you quickly walked to his parents

- his brother waved at you excitedly and jumped up and down before running into Wooyoungs arms, who hold him tight while laughing

- it only took one moment to love his little brother as he was the most adorable little kid you ever saw

- before you could shake his parents hands, he jumped off of Wooyoung and shook your hand with a lot of enthusiasm

- ,,omg Wooyoung, I now understand why you never showed us your girlfriend. She is way prettier than you. And maybe you were also afraid that I could steal y/n from you, as I am way more charming than you.“

- he actually winked at you and you giggled and smiled

- ,,yeah, you’re right. Your brother is actually quite the idiot, but he tried to ask me out for months, so I had to give in. And he isn’t half bad.“

- ,,yeah, he gives decent birthday presents.“

- Wooyoung and his parents just watched you and his brother bonding and shittalking about him

- and you were like: oh my, I was not supposed to talk that way about their son, but then they bursted out laughing

- Wooyoung just smiled fondly at you, as he found it the cutest thing ever to see you bonding with his little brother

- his parents introduced themselves and they also hugged you

- ,,He‘s actually right. From all we can tell Wooyoung really got lucky finding a person who cared so deeply about him to arrange this whole thing. I mean who else is willing to meet the parents of their partner. That takes a lot of courage.“

- Wooyoung immediatly relaxed after hearing that and you were also glad that his parents seemed to like you

- you visited a sea life as you knew how much his brother loved fish and other sea creatures

- it was so easy to talk to Wooyoungs parents about anything, it felt like talking to friends

- Wooyoung and you held hands the whole day while both of you explained some facts about the animals

- Wooyoungs brother seemed to love you as he constantly teased him, how you would prefer him over Wooyoung as you constantly made his brother laugh and listened to his wild stories

- seeing being so sweet with his brother was the most wholesome thing ever, so your mind wandered about him with kids

- and Wooyoung couldn’t lie, cause he got the same thoughts when he saw you and his brother together, but this was some time down the road

- when his parents had to buy something for his brother at the gift shop, the both of you were standing in front of the shark tank

- ,,thank you for arranging this whole day, y/n. I’m so happy to have you in my life.“

- Wooyoung usually didn’t say such things, so you knew how much it really meant to him

- he gave you a really sweet hug while whispering ,,I love you“ in your ear

- for a little moment you stood there arms around each other watching the sharks

- ,,Wooyoung, this shark actually looks like you.“

- and you were right as he bursted into his high hyena laugh

- his parents already liked you really much, but when they recognized how much more Wooyoung laughed with you and how happy he looked, they were seeing you as part of their family

- after the museum you drove to his parents house to enjoy dinner while cracking jokes

- his parents told you all about his embarrassing childhood stories and his mother also sneaked some photos into your handbag

- ,,For when he misbehaves. A little blackmailing never hurt nobody.“

- this woman was iconic and you talked about Wooyoung while laughing your hearts out, but she was also really interested in you as a person not just as Wooyoungs partner

- so you also spoke about your hobbies and interests and learned that you actually had some things in common

- his father gave you a lot of snacks and sweets

- ,,Im really glad, that we got to meet you, y/n. Wooyoung was actually talking my ear off about you, but now I understand.“

- he gave you a reassuring smile afterwards

- you also had to play some games with Wooyoungs brother, but you didn’t mind at all

- after dinner you had to catch the next train, so you said goodbye to his family

- while his brother hugged you and sneaked his phone number into your pocket, Wooyoung parents prepared some food for both of you to take home

- then his parents also hugged you and his mother whispered ,,thank you for making my son so happy“

- and because nobody else heard it, they didn’t get why you were smiling like an idiot

- ,,Visit us any time.“

- you left and Wooyoung actually felt the happiest he ever was knowing how his family adored you and seeing his favorite people get along

- and of nowhere he pulled you in a kiss and left you with a puzzled expression

- ,,This was one of my favorite days this year. I think I should meet your parents soon.“

- oh shit

[macgyvergirluk]

macs big birthday

i done this for lucas birthday on monday but as its my own birthday on sunday im not going to have time to shear this on time so thought id put it up earlie.  hope you have a wounderful 30th birthday monday :)

Jack has a plan, it’s not every day you turn thirty and Jack is going to make sure Mac has the best thirtieth birthday ever. Jack knows that once Mac’s father had left on his tenth birthday. Mac hasn’t cared much for birthdays ever since. Until he met Jack. Jack got kind of upset when he found out by accident that Mac was having his twenty first birthday in the sand box, so he grabbed a few fellow soldiers and they had a little party of their own for him. And even though it wasn’t much Jack had to give to Mac. He gave him his first taste of alcohol, and it was not the good stuff. Ever since then Jack had tried to make the day special for Mac.

But this one has to be extra special it is the big three zero. But he had promised Mac no fuss or big parties as Mac hated to be fussed over and Jack want this to be the best birthday Mac has ever had and the most memorable.

Jack has spent months planning Mac’s birthday and checked in with Matty that it was ok for him and Mac to have that weekend off. Also the Friday and Monday to make it an extra-long weekend. Matty had given it the go ahead and even planned to give Mac a lot of lab work that week so Mac and jack wouldn’t end up getting injured. Jack had sorted it with Riley to track them and where they were going so if she saw any suspicious activity to warn them and then send someone in to sort it before it got to Jack and Mac as Jack actually wanted to enjoy this vacation as much as he wanted Mac to. And that meant not getting kidnapped or shot at.

As the time grew closer Mac was getting suspicious of all the secrecy around him and was worried that Jack may have gone over the top for his birthday. Not that Mac didn’t appreciate Jack's efforts but he just liked have a couple of quiet beers with friends, no mad parties. But he knows Jack loves an excuse to throw a party from time to time.

So Mac is quiet surprised when Jack tells Mac to pack his hiking gear and anything he would need for a few days away fishing. He is even more surprised that Bozer wasn’t packing and says he’ll see him in a few days and to enjoy his trip. Once Mac’s jeep is all packed up, he and jack set off early Friday morning. Jack jumps in the driver’s seat, Mac in the passenger’s and they set off.

‘You excited, hoss. Just us and the wilderness.’

‘Yeah I was surprised when you told me what you had planned.’ Mac smiles.

‘Well, it’s your big three zero, you got to enjoy it, man.’

Three hours later Jack pulled up in front of a lovely log cabin situated next to a large lake.

‘Let’s get the stuff inside, then hit the lake. I fancy fish for dinner.’ Jack says.

‘And what if we don’t catch any?’

‘Then you’re gonna be out there a long time, hoss, cause we got nothing else.’ Jack jokes.

An hour later once they have settled in to the cabin, Mac and Jack are out on the lake, rods out in the water relaxing and sipping a beer.

‘Now this is the life.’ smiles Jack.

‘Who new turning thirty could be so peaceful?’

‘You won’t be saying that when we’re back at work.’

‘Right now I’m not even thinking about that.’

It takes them two hours to get a bite and by that time jack has nearly given up until Mac’s rod starts to move and he catches the world’s smallest fish.

‘Just put it back that won’t even scratch the sides. [AM1] I suggest we go and cook those steaks I brought just in case.’

‘Sounds good.’

Mac loves sitting outside cooking on the campfire and listening to Jack ramble on about his dad, who would bring him to places like this as a kid. Mac is grateful he has Jack in his life.

The following day they go for a hike through the woods and find a waterfall. Mac can’t think of any place he’d rather be right now.

Jack was so glad he has tired Mac out today, hopefully the kid wouldn’t wake up too early for the surprise tomorrow. Being a secret agent has its draw backs when you want to sneak around.

For extra measure Jack may have slipped a little bit of a sleeping tablet in to Mac’s hot chocolate as he knew Mac hates any type of drugs. But Jack wants to make Mac’s thirtieth birthday special.

The following morning Jack makes sure the blond was sound asleep which he was and he quietly lets Bozer, Matty and Riley in to the cabin to start preparations. While Bozer starts on his famous pancakes, Jack and Riley start to put up decorations while Matty sets up all the cards and presents on the coffee table.

It isn´t till nine am that a disheveled Mac walks out the bedroom, hair a mess, half asleep. He has woken to a surprise smell of pancakes not just any old pancakes but the ones he only associates with Bozer.

He nearly jumps a foot in the air when Jack, Matty, Riley and Bozer jump out from behind the sofa yelling happy birthday.

‘Before you say anything about no parties, this is not a party, this is your family wanting to spend time with you on your big day.’ Jack explains, leading Mac over to a seat in the living area where Bozer hands him a plate with pancakes.

‘Thanks Boz.’

Mac looks at them all, as they all dig in to their food. He can’t believe they have driven all this way just for him on their day off. They could have been in bed still relaxing.

‘Thanks for coming, you really didn’t have to.’ Mac says.

‘It’s not every day my man turns thirty.’ says Boz.

Once breakfast is eaten, Riley announces, it’s time for presents and excitingly hands Mac her gift, a blue envelope, inside is a message saying he was going to be spending 2 days with NASA engineers behind the scenes.

Mac looks at Riley in disbelieve.

‘How…?’

‘I think you mean thanks and that’s for me to know and you not to know.’ she smiles.

‘Thanks Riles.’

‘Me next, me next.’ Bozer chants, handing Mac his present.

Mac laughs when he opens it, it’s a book called cookbook for scientists.

‘You do know that probably won’t help his cooking.’ Jack says, ‘may help him blow it up more.’

‘I hope not.’ Bozer answers, now worried about his gift while the others laugh.

‘Now blondie, I’m not one for getting all sentimental on you but as it is your thirtieth happy birthday.’ Matty hands him a large box. Mac doesn’t know what to say as he opens it and pulls out thirty boxes of paper clips and thirty rolls of duct tape.

‘You can never have to many.’ she smiles. Mac puts the box down and gives Matty a big hug.

‘Now my turn, I bet you can’t wait to see what I got you hoss.’ Jack goes over to the cupboard and comes back, handing Mac an odd shape parcel. It’s a bear holding the number thirty. Mac looks at it as he was not expecting that from Jack. Jack is known for his randomness but normally it’s something Mac can use or they can do together but a bear…

‘You like it?’ Jack asks.

‘Yeah.. its.. great.’ Mac smiles. He knows big birthdays mean a lot and maybe as this bear has thirty on it it’s to remind him of his time here. And mac shouldn’t be ungrateful, he isn’t, he’s just surprised. It isn’t till he goes to put the bear on the table that he notices a string round the bear’s neck and that string led to a bag behind the number thirty. Mac takes the bag from the bear and opens it and inside is a set of keys. A set of keys he recognized. They are the keys to the Mustang he and jack had spent the last year doing up together, after jack had bought it as a random buy.

He looks at Jack stunned, then back at the keys.

‘Happy birthday, hoss, she is all yours. You need a great set of wheels for when you find a lady friend one day instead of that jeep of yours. I know she doesn´t beat my GTO, but��’

‘Jack, it’s perfect, thank you.’ Mac says trying to hold back his emotions on such a gift. He pulls Jack in a hug which Jack returns not wanting to let go of his boy. Mac may not have a dad to share in these moments and make these moments special, but Jack is sure going to make up for that loss.

The rest of the day is spend swimming in the lake playing random outdoor games followed by a lovely birthday meal prepared by Bozer with a massive number thirty cake, made to look like it had been made out of paper clips.

Mac can’t be happier as he blows out his candles. This has been his best birthday yet. And he got to spend it with the people he loved.

‘Right, some of us have to work tomorrow blondie, so we got to love you and leave you and we’ll see you both bright eyed and bushy tailed on Tuesday.’ Matty announces as they prepare to leave.

‘Absolutely Matty.’ Mac smiles.

As Mac shuts the door after their goodbyes and settles down with a cold bear with Jack, he feels that no other birthday will ever come close to this one.

‘Thanks Jack.’

‘For what?’

‘You know.’

Jack just smiles.

[emmerrr]

heyyyy if you wanna write a pynch vday fic, how about one where they're like... both trying to be sneaky about planning sth for valentines day and so both think the other has forgotten about it and they're both like ://// but it all uhh works out in the end?? x

what a top notch suggestion, absoLUTELY i can write that 💕💕 (uhh heads up this got kinda long, i’ll put it on ao3 too and reblog with a link later)

-

Adam sat alone in a corner booth of Nino’s, History notes open on the table before him. He’d written VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin, underlined three times. He frowned at the words, wondering why he was fixating on them, and turned his head to stare listlessly out of the window instead.

Blue was there working, but she’d been too busy to come and say hello so far, simply offering him a harried wave when she spotted him walk in, pointing him towards the table he was now seated at. The other staff at Nino’s never bothered them anymore, knowing Blue would cover their table. Adam had heard them being referred to as “Blue’s Boys” on more than one occasion.

He was currently the only one there, having beaten Henry and Gansey out of the school gates. He assumed they’d got held up by a traffic light or two, and Ronan had further to drive than the rest of them so would likely arrive last anyway.

Thinking of Ronan immediately returned Adam’s thoughts to the words written in his notes and he scowled at the parking lot. On the surface, Valentine’s Day didn’t seem like it would be Ronan’s thing. Adam wasn’t even particularly sure it was his thing. But the fact remained that Valentine’s Day was a week away, and Adam didn’t know what, if anything, he was expected to do for it.

He tried to think back to previous years and remembered receiving an anonymous card from someone back in the seventh grade; a generic heart-shaped thing that simply said ‘Will you be my Valentine? x’ inside. He was fairly certain the sender was a girl in his English class who had never said a word to him but blushed every time she caught his eye. Adam didn’t see how he was supposed to answer whether or not he’d be her Valentine if she never told him she had sent it. And of course, she never owned up, and he didn’t want to suggest it was her in case he was wrong, and he didn’t actually want to be her Valentine anyway. So it was never mentioned again.

The difference here was that Ronan was his actual boyfriend. Didn’t that mean that they were each other’s Valentines by default, then?

Adam didn’t know. He’d never navigated Valentine’s Day before. Not like this.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear Henry and Gansey approach until they were right there.

“Oh, History notes,” Henry exclaimed. “Can I borrow them?”

Adam turned his head to see Henry already sliding the notebook towards him. “Your notes are always make more sense than mi—” Henry cut himself off, eyes widening at something on the page. Too late Adam remembered the VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin and slapped his hand over it, snatching back his notebook.

Henry was grinning at him. “Big plans?”

“No,” Adam muttered. “No plans at all.” He stuffed the notebook into his messenger bag.

Gansey had slid into the booth opposite Adam and watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. “What have I missed?”

“Nothing, apparently,” Henry said easily. Adam was grateful that Henry clearly wasn’t going to push it (at least not with an audience), but reasoned he could perhaps use some advice.

“So,” he started. “Valentine’s Day. Thoughts?”

“I’m glad you asked, Parrish,” Gansey said. “It was originally a Western Christian feast day honouring a couple of early saints called Valentinius—”

“Yes, thank you, Captain Wikipedia,” Henry cut in. “I’m not entirely sure that’s what he meant.”

A jug of Iced Tea was plonked onto the table without ceremony and they all looked up to Blue Sargent as she handed out glasses.

“It’s a dumb holiday invented by Hallmark to sell more cards,” she said, obviously having heard the tail-end of the conversation.

“Well, obviously there’s that too,” Gansey said, beaming at her. 

Adam sighed. They were all monumentally unhelpful. 

“Why the interest, Adam?” Blue asked, a knowing glint in her eye.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I’m just…okay, with Ronan, do I just treat it like any other day? Do I get him a card? Will he think it’s stupid? Do I think it’s stupid?”

There was a short silence as the three of them blinked back at him, and then Blue carefully said, “Do you think it’s stupid?” 

Adam wasn’t sure how to answer that. The truth was that he sort of did think it was stupid, but he also thought he wanted to acknowledge it anyway. He thought doing nothing at all kind of made him look like an asshole.

In the end, it all circled back to Ronan, and whether he would care. Did he have anything planned? Was he having an internal crisis over it as well?

In lieu of an answer, Adam shrugged again.

“Speak of the devil,” Henry said, and nodded towards the entrance.

Ronan, dressed all in black (of course), had just stepped inside. He scanned the restaurant without turning his head but when he spotted Adam, his shoulders relaxed, and he smiled just a little.

Adam didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing that.

“Oh god, you two are the worst,” Blue scoffed as Ronan started to make his way over.

“What?” Adam said without looking at her.

“You know exactly what, Adam Parrish. You and Ronan with the googly eyes. Jesus Christ, you’re in public. Tone it down.”

“You tone it down,” Ronan said jovially, hip-checking Blue as he drew level. “What are we talking about?”

“The origins of Valentine’s Day,” Gansey said delicately.

Ronan snorted derisively. “Valentine’s Day,” he said with as much scorn as he could muster, “is capitalistic bullshit invented to sell cards and flowers and chocolate.”

“Hey man, that’s exactly what I said,” Blue said, sounding pleased, and she and Ronan fist-bumped. Adam rolled his eyes. They really were two sides of the same coin.

“You’re in my seat, Cheng,” Ronan said.

“Sit by Gansey, I was here first.”

Ronan shrugged. “Fair’s fair.” He stepped up onto the seat and over Henry and squeezed into the spot between him and Adam.

“Ronan Lynch,” Gansey hissed. “You’ll get us kicked out!”

“Calm down, Dick, no one noticed,” Ronan said. He had both arms stretched out across the back of the booth, and Adam and Henry were both leaning into him a little thanks to the lack of space.

“This is cozy,” Henry said cheerfully.

It was Blue’s turn to roll her eyes and she pulled her little notepad out of her apron pocket. “Alright, I have to actually do my job now, what do you want? Gansey, I’m assuming you want your usual half-avocado monstrosity?”

“You’re a millennial, Blue, you’re supposed to like avocados.”

Her disgusted expression was answer enough. The rest of them rattled off their food order and then Blue went off to put it through.

“Doesn’t anyone want to come and sit by me?” Gansey asked. “It’s lonely over here.”

“Oh, don’t pull that face, Gansey, you’re making me sad,” Henry said, swapping sides. He scooched right the way over to Gansey and draped an arm around his shoulder before sighing loftily. “It’s hard being this popular.”

“But someone has to do it,” Adam said drily, earning him a quicksilver smile.

“And I do it so well.”

Ronan was stopping at Adam’s for the night, but they had each come to Nino’s in their own cars so separated in the parking lot to drive over to St Agnes in a convoy.

Ronan was already peeling out of the lot by the time Adam reached his shitbox, and he was held up further by Henry calling his name. He turned and Henry jogged over, Gansey nowhere to be seen and most likely still inside saying goodbye to Blue.

“Oh, sorry,” Adam said. “You wanted my History notes, right?”

“No, that’s not — well, yeah, actually, thank you,” he said, taking them when Adam handed them over. “I actually came over here to give you some unsolicited advice.”

“About the Valentine’s Day thing?”

“That’s the one.”

Adam shrugged. “It’s not entirely unsolicited. But anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You heard him.”

“Yeah, I heard him. Sounds like posturing to me.”

Adam tilted his head to the side. “You think?” Ronan certainly was prone to posturing.

“Sure. I mean, I have no doubt that he really does think Valentine’s Day is what he said in there, but I wouldn’t let that put you off doing something, if you wanted to.” Henry waited for a response, and when Adam didn’t offer one, he prompted, “You do want to, don’t you?”

Adam smiled wryly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only if you know what to look for,” Henry said, but before Adam could think on that too much, he continued. “Look, I don’t know Ronan as well as you do, but even from the outside, it’s clear how he feels about you.”

Feeling himself blush, Adam immediately looked down at the ground. He did know how Ronan felt about him. It was often whispered to him in the middle of the night when it felt like they were the only two people in the world. It just took him off guard to hear it so plainly from someone else.

“Think about it, Adam. Regardless of how Ronan personally feels about what Valentine’s Day stands for, do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?” Henry shook his head. “Not the Ronan Lynch I know.”

Well, when it was put that way. “Did he say something to you? Do you know something?”

“Not a thing,” Henry said, and Adam believed him. “It’s just an observation and an educated guess.”

“Huh,” Adam said thoughtfully. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them in the air, catching them again, ideas already forming in his head. If Ronan was going to be obnoxious, Adam could be obnoxious too. “Thanks, Henry. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t lose my notes.”

“I will try my level best.”

Adam gave himself three rules for Ronan’s Valentine’s gift:

1) It had to be heartfelt.

2) It also had to be in good humour and not take itself too seriously.

3) It had to be cheap.

He was too sensible to spend money he didn’t have on some arbitrary gift Ronan wouldn’t appreciate. Not to mention that Ronan was impossible enough to buy for as it was; firstly he was rich enough to buy himself pretty much anything he might want, and secondly he could literally manifest his dreams. It was going to make future birthdays and Christmas’s an absolute nightmare.

(But what a wonderful problem to have.)

What it all basically meant was that Adam had to go homemade, and given that he had school and work (and Ronan) to work around, he didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it.

He borrowed Gansey’s laptop during lunch-break on Monday at Aglionby and made Ronan a mix-CD of the cheesiest love songs he could think of. It featured such classics as You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oates, Heaven by Bryan Adams, True by Spandau Ballet, and many, many more. It wasn’t even remotely Ronan’s kind of music which made it funny, but as embarrassing as some of the songs might have been, they did actually somewhat echo Adam’s own feelings. He got to be a sap in the guise of it being a joke, and Ronan would get a kick out of it.

Obviously, he also added the Murder Squash Song for good measure.

Next up was a card. He could have bought one — his budget would have allowed it — but all the store ones were godawful and Adam couldn’t even imagine giving one of them to Ronan ironically.

Luckily he had an ace up his sleeve.

The first time that Ronan had stayed over at Adam’s after they were together in the very early days of their relationship, Adam had woken up to a frozen Ronan with a handful of strangely lovely flowers, the exact shade of blue as Adam’s eyes.

Adam had kept them in a cheap vase on the windowsill until they died, but unbeknownst to Ronan, he’d also taken one and pressed it to make a little print; his own private memento.

He was obviously keeping the original for himself, but he took it into the school library a couple of days before Valentine’s Day and scanned it, printing it out on some high quality photo card he’d ‘acquired’ from one of the Art rooms.

Once the ink was dry, he folded it down the middle as carefully as possible and put it inside his heaviest textbook to keep it folded and flat until he got it home.

He spent longer than probably necessary trying to decide what to write, but in the end, he went with:

Ronan,

I think maybe it was always you. I think it always will be. Happy Valentine’s Day (gross).

Love, Adam x

He didn’t have a nice envelope to put it in, so it had to go in a bigger manila one that Adam still had lying around. He slipped both the card and the CD inside, and wrote Ronan’s name in capitals on the outside.

He looked at his offering. It somehow didn’t seem enough.

Valentine’s Day was on Thursday, so on Wednesday— after school but before a shift at Boyd’s— Adam found himself in the kitchen of 300 Fox Way. He’d bought everything he needed to make chocolate brownies before he’d realised he didn’t have a tin in which to cook them in. He was also severely lacking in several other kitchen utensils, to be honest. One panicked phone-call to Blue later, and he had everything he needed and a helping hand.

Well, ‘helping’ was a strong word.

“Why brownies?” Blue asked from where she sat perched on the kitchen table.

“Because brownies are the best,” Adam said, frowning at the recipe he had printed out.

“Alright, can’t argue with that,” Blue said reasonably.

Adam was aware of her watching him while he slowly got out everything he needed and started weighing out ingredients. He felt unreasonably nervous about it, even though he knew that provided he followed the recipe, everything would be fine. Baking was a science, after all, and Adam was good at science.

But looking at it all now with Blue scrutinising his every move, he felt flustered and unmoored.

“I thought you were going to help,” he said pointedly.

“I am helping. I’m supervising,” Blue said.

Adam smiled at that. “I see. Are you the kind of supervisor who can grease this tin for me?”

“I suppose so,” Blue said loftily as she launched herself off the table.

Blue started chattering away after that which helped Adam calm down and focus on what he was doing, and it didn’t take long to make the mixture after that. Adam tilted the pan while Blue used a wooden spoon to scrape the mixture out and into the brownie tin.

After that, they just had to put it in the oven and wait.

Blue brewed up some of Maura’s least offensive tea as they sat and waited, and Adam finally asked what he’d been dying to all week.

“Do you know if Ronan has anything planned?”

Blue smiled and shook her head. “Honestly, Adam, I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t said a word. I’ve barely seen him though, and never really without you there.” She shrugged. “If he’s got a plan he’s keeping it close to his chest.”

Adam nodded; he’d assumed as much. “I just want to know if I’m doing too much, or not doing enough? I dunno, it’s stupid. It’s only Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah, but it’s your first Valentine’s Day together,” Blue said, not unkindly. “I get it.”

“What are you and Gansey doing?” 

“I made him a card and found him a couple of ‘slovenly’ t-shirts at the thrift store. I’m gonna hazard a guess that he’s getting me flowers, and he told me to keep the evening free so he’s probably taking me somewhere. Wherever it is, it better not be expensive.”

Adam grinned. “Maybe it’s Nino’s.”

“God, don’t even joke, I’d murder him. Again.”

He started to laugh, and after a couple of seconds Blue joined in. When it died down, Blue put her hand on his arm.

“Don’t overthink it, Adam. Ronan will love whatever you give him, because you’re the one it’s coming from. It’s not about the gifts you get or the meal you have or how much money you spend. I think it’s more about the gesture. That’s what’ll mean the most to Ronan.”

Adam managed a small smile. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” Blue opened a drawer and gasped, then pulled out a heart-shaped cookie cutter. “Oh my God, Adam, you have to.”

She held out the cookie-cutter towards him and he took it, sighing. “Really?”

“Yes! This way, they’ll all be exactly the same size and I get to eat all the cut-offs. Y’know, as my fee for helping.”

And that’s how Adam ended up with nine perfect little heart-shaped brownies.

Adam didn’t see Ronan that night, thanks to finishing late at Boyd’s and then having homework after. 

When he woke up in the morning, he was hit by the realisation that he and Ronan hadn’t even arranged to see each other that day at all.

He half expected Ronan to show up at St Agnes unannounced with a bouquet of dream flowers and some donuts or something. But that didn’t happen, and Adam slowly packed his messenger bag for school, remembering to include the Tupperware of Valentine’s brownies and the envelope with its enclosed card and CD.

He wasn’t sure when he’d be able to give them to Ronan, but it was better to be prepared.

Adam walked down to his car, scanning the parking lot and the street to see if there was any sign of a shark-nosed BMW. But there was nothing, and there was nothing on the way to school, and Adam made it all the way through to lunch without seeing or hearing from Ronan.

Obviously, he had no phone, and Ronan hated his own phone. But Gansey had a phone, and Ronan could have got in touch that way if he had felt so inclined.

Adam didn’t know what he’d been expecting; that Ronan would show up at the Aglionby gates with a boombox over his head blasting out Lionel Richie songs? That he’d get back to his car after school and find out his favourite hooligan had broken in and left him a giant teddy bear and a box of chocolates?

It all seemed stupid now, and Valentine’s Day was stupid, and Adam was irritated that he’d let the pressures of the day get to him. It didn’t matter. It was a meaningless day.

So why did he feel so deflated?

At the end of the day, he caved and asked to borrow Gansey’s phone.

First, he sent a text that said: it’s adam, i’m about to call you so answer the phone

He gave it a minute until he’d seen that Ronan had read the message, and then pressed the call button.

“Parrish,” Ronan said in lieu of a hello.

All at once, like always, Adam was happy to hear Ronan’s voice. And yet he still couldn’t quite shake his irritation, even though the one who’d got his hopes up was himself.

“Hey,” he replied. “Listen, were you planning on coming over tonight?”

“Nope.” It was a little difficult to tell, but Adam thought Ronan’s tone was just a little off. “You come here.”

Adam sighed. “Ronan, I have school tomorrow so I wouldn’t even be able to stay that late. Can’t you just come here?”

There was a long pause. “Opal wants to see you.”

“So bring her with you.”

“Are you kidding, Parrish, she’s filthy. She’ll mess up the interior.”

The BMW wasn’t exactly spotless inside so this seemed a flimsy excuse. Adam started to wonder whether Ronan even wanted to see him at all.

“If you don’t want to see me today that’s fine,” he said, tone clipped.

“I didn’t say that,” Ronan said, tone just as clipped.

It felt like they were heading for a fight. Adam didn’t want to fight. He wanted to give Ronan the stupid sentimental CD he’d made. He wanted Ronan to make fun of him for the brownies. He wanted a hug.

Adam was abruptly exhausted, and it didn’t matter that he’d gone to the effort and Ronan hadn’t. He just wanted to see him.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m gonna go home and shower but then I’ll head over to you.”

“Okay, good. See you in a bit,” Ronan said, and hung up.

The sun was down by the time Adam pulled up at the Barns. The heating in Adam’s car was dodgy enough on a good today, and today wasn’t a good day. It had barely come on, so his hands were like ice as he got out of the car.

He walked straight in when he got there and made his way to the kitchen. He hovered in the doorway; Ronan’s back was to him, a tea towel strewn over one shoulder, straining pasta over the sink.

Adam rapped his knuckles against the door-frame and Ronan turned around.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Adam replied. “You cooked?”

Ronan shrugged. “It’s just spaghetti.” He gestured to Adam’s messenger bag. “You brought homework with you?”

All that was in the bag was the Valentine’s gifts for Ronan, and he shook his head. “Nope.”

“Okay,” Ronan said with another shrug. “Sit. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

Adam pulled himself a chair out, and it scraped against the floor noisily in the otherwise quiet. He waited for Ronan to finish serving up and then asked, “Where’s Opal?”

“No idea. Haven’t seen her since this afternoon.”

Adam took a bite of his food. It was good. “I thought you said she wanted to see me.”

“She always wants to see you,” Ronan said smoothly. “I’m sure she’ll turn up when she spots your car.”

They finished eating in near silence, Adam waiting for Ronan to say something— anything— to acknowledge the day. But he didn’t, and the longer the silence dragged, the harder it seemed to break it.

Adam started towards the sink to do the washing up afterwards, but Ronan stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Just leave it, Parrish.”

“But—”

“Leave them. I’ll do them in the morning.” 

Adam sighed, uncomfortable in the tension. He didn’t know what to do now. Did Ronan just want him to leave? And if so, why had he told him to come in the first place?

“Look, do you know what day it is?” Adam asked, unable to take it any longer.

“It’s Thursday,” Ronan said, chin jutted out, arms crossed. Adam glared; Ronan clearly knew exactly what day it was.

“Okay, great,” Adam said tiredly. He opened his bag and pulled out the Tupperware and the envelope. “Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess.”

He put them on the table and stepped away, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He watched Ronan’s face, the expression on which had softened immediately. He looked to Adam, stricken.

“Parrish, I—”

“It’s fine, Ronan, just open them.”

Ronan snapped his mouth shut, and pulled the envelope over to him. Adam immediately felt self-conscious about his meagre homemade gifts.

“It’s not much,” he said quickly.

Ronan’s only response to this was a slight furrow in his brow. Then he took the CD out, quirking a smile at Adam’s inscription: LYNCH’S CHEESY LOVE SONG SINGALONG. It was surrounded by lots of hand drawn love-hearts that Adam now thought seemed excessive.

Ronan looked up and raised an eyebrow at Adam, a half-smirk on his face. “No track-list, Parrish?”

“It’s a surprise,” Adam said, smiling weakly, but relieved. “You’ll have to play it to find out.”

“I’ll do that,” he said with a sage nod. He put the CD down and reached for the Tupperware, pulling the lid off and tossing it aside. He looked inside and snorted. “You’ve really stuck with a theme here, huh, Parrish?”

“Hey, Valentine’s Day is all about the hearts, apparently. And to be fair, the heart-shaped brownies are Blue’s fault. She found a cookie-cutter and insisted.”

“She knew about this?” Ronan said.

“Yeah, she helped me make them.”

“That little sneak...” Ronan trailed off and let out a sharp laugh. “I asked her if she knew whether or not you were doing something, and she swore blind she had no idea.”

Adam thought about asking why Ronan had even wanted to know, but instead he pointed at the envelope. “There’s a card in there, as well.”

“In here?” Ronan turned the envelope upside down and the card slipped out into his hand. Adam watched as he took in the flower on the front, smiled a little, then did a double-take, glancing at Adam. “Hold on. Is this what I think it is?”

Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I, uh, I pressed one, before they all died. I wanted to keep it, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Ronan said, something akin to awe in his voice. “I dream about them all the time.” He opened the card and read what Adam had written there, then dropped his face into his hands. 

“Parrish...” he mumbled. “I feel like a fucking asshole.”

Adam went over and gently pulled the card out of Ronan’s hand, sitting down on Ronan’s lap. Ronan’s arms circled his waist automatically and he tucked his face into Adam’s neck.

“You are a fucking asshole, Lynch. I love you anyway.”

Ronan grumbled something incoherently against Adam’s skin, and Adam smiled. “What was that?”

Ronan lifted his head so he could be heard. “I said I love you right back.”

“Good,” Adam said.

“I thought you’d forgotten. And I didn’t...I didn’t want a big deal, and this day is a fucking joke or whatever, but you didn’t mention anything. And I even thought you might borrow Gansey’s phone and like, text me or something this morning? But then you didn’t and when you finally called me you sounded annoyed and I didn’t know why, and I didn’t even think you wanted to come over. So then you finally got here and you seemed mad, and so I was mad and...I’m sorry. I was here thinking you didn’t give a shit and you made stuff for me?” He hung his head, penitent. “I love my gifts. These lame brownies smell great. I’m fucking sorry, Parrish.”

“Hey.” Adam cupped Ronan’s head in his hands. “It’s fine that you didn’t get me anything. Honestly I think I just let this whole day get into my head as having to mean something when it doesn’t. I don’t need a special day to let you know how I feel. And I’m sorry if I seemed mad. I just didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

He leaned in and kissed Ronan briefly. “And Lynch, you cooked for me. You made me a whole meal. I’m pretty sure we’re even.” He kissed him again, until Ronan pulled back and covered Adam’s hands with his own.

“Um...you should come with me,” Ronan said, and he almost sounded sheepish.

They stood up and Ronan swiped the mix CD off the table and shoved it in the pocket of his hoodie, before taking Adam’s hand and leading him out the back door.

Confused but intrigued, Adam followed closely behind, clutching tight to Ronan’s fingers. It was cold outside and neither of them had their coats on, which Adam was about to point out when they walked around the corner of the nearest barn and he was rendered speechless by the sight before him.

In the middle of the grass was a small gazebo tent, the base of which was covered in luxurious looking blankets. There was a laptop in the middle of the floor, hooked up to a projector which was pointing at the outer-wall of the barn. A precarious tower of DVDs was piled up next to the laptop; Adam couldn’t see the titles from here but imagined Ronan had assembled a variety of choices. There was a big thermos, contents unknown (coffee? Hot chocolate?), and various other treats; big bags of marshmallows and Hershey’s Kisses and Reese’s Mini Peanut-Butter Cups.

And everywhere, there was light. Ronan’s twinkling little dream lights, some in jars under the gazebo, others hanging in the air, changing colour, like little fireflies.

“Ronan,” Adam finally managed hoarsely. “What the fuck?”

Ronan smirked. “You thought I hadn’t done anything.”

“Uh, yeah, because you let me think that!” Adam said. He was struggling to process how cosy and romantic it all looked. Let it never be said that Ronan Lynch wasn’t an absolute sap.

“I didn’t let you think anything, you jumped to that conclusion all on your own.”

Adam scowled. “Now I feel like a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t,” Ronan said, pressing a kiss to Adam’s temple. “Anyway, this is nothing.”

“It is so far from nothing,” Adam said. He stepped forward and took a turn around, taking everything in as he walked in a slow circle, stopping when he was facing Ronan again. “I thought Valentine’s Day was capitalistic bullshit?”

“Oh, it is,” Ronan said happily. “But for one, I didn’t spend a penny. And two, a whole day where I can spoil you as much as I want to and you don’t get to complain about it? Sign me the fuck up for that.”

Adam burst out laughing. “You’ve just reminded me of something Henry said.”

“What did he say?”

“I told him that I wasn’t sure whether or not you’d do anything because we hadn’t talked about it, and he said, and I quote: ‘do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?’”

Ronan was grinning now. “Cheng’s pretty smart.” 

“Yeah,” Adam said. He caught one of the floating lights in his hand and then let it go again. “Just for the record, I think your dreaming abilities give you an unfair advantage when it comes to stuff like this.”

“Excuse you, Parrish, the only thing I dreamt up was the blankets because they’re heated. Oh, and the projector. And the gazebo. But that’s it.”

“‘That’s it’, he says.” Adam rolled his eyes, then accusingly added, “You dreamt up the lights.”

“Well, yeah, but not for this. I already had those. And the food was stuff I already had in the house, and the DVDs are ones I already own. I didn’t want to go overboard.”

Adam stared. “You are ridiculous,” he said, shaking his head. “Come here.”

Ronan went, without question or hesitation, and Adam wrapped his arms around his neck.

“This is the sweetest thing anybody’s ever done for me,” he said softly. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Ronan whispered, kissing a line up Adam’s neck and across his face, the tip of his nose, his forehead, “for the brownies, for what you wrote in the card...Jesus, Adam. It’s the same for me. You know that, right? It’s always you.”  

Adam squeezed tighter, feeling dangerously overcome. He breathed in the familiar, comforting smell of Ronan, and then released his grip. “And for the CD, obviously,” he said.

“Of course,” Ronan said, and smiled sharply. “Speaking of...” He pulled it out of his pocket and walked over to his laptop. “I’ll let you pick a movie in a bit, but first, I wanna listen to my present.”

He popped the CD into the drive and pressed a couple of buttons on the mouse, and a moment later the opening track started to play: I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.

Ronan laughed, once, soundlessly, then came back over to Adam and held his hand out. 

“Well?” he said when Adam didn’t move. “Are you dancing?”

Adam grinned. “Are you asking?”

“I’m asking.”

“Then I’m dancing.” He took Ronan’s hand and together they swayed, far too slowly for a song this upbeat, but Ronan didn’t seem to mind, and Adam certainly didn’t.

They didn’t speak while they were dancing, both perhaps a little shaken at the near-miss of an argument, both relieved they hadn’t let it get that far. Both content to be in each other’s company, away from prying eyes and expectations.

It was still early days. They were still learning how to do this, navigating firsts and futures and each other, but they were both quick studies, and Adam couldn’t think of anything more worthwhile than building a foundation— and a life— with Ronan.

There were trickier days to come, but for now, they’d survived their first Valentine’s Day as a couple. As they lay curled together in a blanket watching The Princess Bride projected onto the side of a barn, Adam thought he’d have to mark this one down as a win.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Parrish,” Ronan whispered into Adam’s hair.

“Ugh,” Adam said, and kissed him. “Happy Thursday.”

[jenroseyokel]

Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read. 

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone 

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;) 

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

[themicahjea]

My 2 0 1 9

I started my year as a freshman student in college, figuring things out and is really confused as to what i was doing and what direction am i heading. I wasn’t doing well in my studies since i had a “transfer shock” and literally only had 2 weeks of “summer break”. By the second semester, i was physically and mentally tired—this also means that my emotional status is not as strong as it was the previous years. The first day of the first month of year, i remember writing a note somewhere and wrote my feelings out. I was really sad. My mental health was affected by the things happening around me — obviously, i wasn’t doing well at the beginning of this year.

February came. I just had my midterms exam when my sister broke the news that my dog died. My sweetest little boy, Gift, just turned 1 and he died. I felt worse. I felt like i failed as a fur momma. I felt like i failed him. I cried so many nights, and it didn’t help that my roommates keep on reminding me about his death as if it was nothing to me. March. The last hurrah of the semester. My friends and I were planning about our Siquijor trip, took the finals — which i THOUGHT i did good. I finished my NSTP and said goodbye to my tut-tees. They are so precious, i could hug them — then went on to the trip. I went cliff jumping, lots of swimming, attended a sponge cola concert which surprised me because the lead vocalist of the band recognized me. That night, my friends went drinking. I drank a little but i poured more softdrinks than the actual gin. THAT was when my “friends” babbled and said “the gin doesn’t taste good anymore because we’re out of softdrinks”. It was a heckin small problem but they made it seem really big. — that’s when i knew that that “friendship” is not gonna last. I was right. I didn’t hang on to them anyways so it didn’t really hurt. Lol. April and May, it was summer break! Finally! I spent most of my time at home, soaking everything up before school starts again. Last April, i attended our church’s annual youth camp. It was a three-day-camp where you just learn about certain people in the Bible and their way of living and how God sustained them. It was also a team building camp and let me tell you, THIS CAMP HELPED ME. A LOT.  — aside from the camp, we went on different short trips, here and there. Also, the whole summer break was filled with me getting some rest and watching the whole Avengers movies, from ‘The First Avenger’ down to ‘Infinity War’. I basically became a fan. It was the 12th of May when my friend, Shayne asked me if i could watch Avengers Endgame with her since she wants to watch it again. I said yes. I knew how it would end since I’ve seen some scenes on twitter and my sister’s friend spoiled the heck out of me — BUT THAT DID NOT STOP ME FROM CRYING! It was so embarrassing to get out of the theater with VERY swollen eyes. It was probably the most heartbreaking film i watched this year.  June, school started, again. SOPHOMORE YEAAAAAR! I kinda know what my classmates are , where they’re from and what they’re attitudes are. I was MORE cautious this time. I only spend time with Ross, Angela and Charlene. In fact, i went to Bohol with Ross and Angela!  July. Right before my birthday, my family and churchmates went on a trip in Palawan. Enjoyed every bit of it. My birthday came and it was all fun, until it took a turn on the 17th. I got robbed. Lol, i knew that man was up to no good. My body told me that. My intuition told me not to trust him but oop, i dont know why i still gave him my money... idk. Two days later, i went to the police station to file a report and it turns out, there’s another man who’s looking for the SAME man. He was robbed by the same man as well. This was when i realized what God meant when He said that the love for money is not good and is a sin. I realized what a man can do to be able to get your money. August, i went to Bohol for a weekend! It was one of the most spontaneous trips I’ve ever taken. I went to Bohol to watch a movie. Yes. I went there to watch ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’. I pranked a few of my close friends that i was pregnant which was surprisingly a success. They really thought i was. Lol. It was also “Hibalag”! Took the midterm exams and then celebrated the festival. All i did was stay in the booth for certain period of times. Bought some stickers. I went home for a little bit to meet the newest member of the fam, little Miss Potts. We bonded and watched a little bit of Avengers endgame. September went by so fast, i cant even remember what happened. Basically, i went back to Dumaguete. Then i received another news from my family that Miss Potts escaped the gate and is missing. I did my very best to look for her so does my family but nobody turned her in. I couldn’t  believe i lost 2 dogs this year and it’s heart breaking. — but right after Potts was gone, we have been blessed with another pup. My mom’s friend made us adopt him since she has tons of dogs already and she doesn’t have enough space. We, well i, was supposed to name him ‘Stark’ to keep the “one-syllable-name-for-the-pets” rule. But when i saw him, i knew Stark wasn’t his name. When my aunt called him ‘Happy’ since he made the whole house happy again, since Pott’s gone, it clicked. It wasn’t a one syllable name but Happy suits him. Happy’s also the name of Tony Stark’s head of security, anyways so...  Also, I guess i was so drowned with all the school works i had to do that time. I. Was. LOADED! I even attended a climate strike!. But thank you Lord, i was STILL able to nap in between lunch breaks and classes. My sister and my cousin also visited me in the campus and stayed for 3 days! We went on a lot of food trips, we can’t even take it anymore! October means semestral break— but there’s always rain before the rainbow comes, right? Thankfully for my minor subjects, all we had to do were requirements like making a video, recording songs as well as plays. I was the lucky one who was picked as the Basilio of the group. Being the Basilio means i have TONS OF LINES, but the Lord sustained me. I was able to master my lines and delivered them without any mistakes on stage.i also made new friends. Looools. After the finals, i went home to my family. I went home to a news which would be my fall for the next few months. I received a news that involves my parents. Im not gonna elaborate but because of these information, i had several mental breakdowns and at one point, the one thing i don’t want to happen, happened. I melted down in front of my sister. Personally, i don’t want her to see me cry. I don’t want her to see me at my weakest point. This month started t all. Started all my emotional breakdowns and my anxiety is back from its grave. I really thought I’d  already heal because i also went to my father’s home town to just have an emotional closure with the place. I visited some of the places i used to play in and visited my elementary school and the friends i used to play with. I really thought I’d be fine, but no. I was so so so stressed that the whole 2 weeks of my break, i was just lying down, wasn’t able to do a thing. I cant even eat. I got the flu. I was SO weak and couldn’t move. November. I went home for a little bit because of intramural break and went home again for The Jesus Reigns celebration because my sister performed on stage for the second year!!! Im so proud!  December. I was home early. I went home on the 13th so i could attend my sister’s birthday party. Outside the house, it’s full of fun. Went out a bunch of times with my churchmates, bonded with them, we attended our church’s annual thanksgiving which i enjoyed, my sister and i was able to hang out in achi joanne’s house a lot more late. I went swimming with my friends, everything is actually fine outside. But then when im inside the house, it feels like im suffocating. I cant move well. I cant feel well. I honestly dont know how and what to feel right now. On Christmas day, i ate processed/packed chocolate chip cookies for Noche Buena instead of tita mom’s lumpia and then i cried. I didn’t even get a family photo for this year’s holiday season. I really really dont know. I feel numb and unable. I long for the connection with God which i know i have to work on. I’m so down and depression is eating me ones more. Little by little. Right now, i feel like I’m  fat Thor Odinson. Depressed and feels like he failed with his mission in killing Thanos... I’m in a battle of my inner Thanos right now. I’m not losing but he isn’t either. But i know, I’m going to win this Battle because it is not I that’s handling it. It is God. I know He’s got my back and I’ll win because a child of Gos is NEVER a loser. I’m gonna win this fight, and just like what Cap said,  Whatever it takes. I’ll do whatever it takes to win this fight. To win this Battle. This situation that I’m in right now should not really affect me in any way because i know that God’s with me and He’s going to fight for me. My life is “Father-filtered” which means whatever I’m going through right now, God has allowed it to happen. WHY? Because He is preparing me for my future battles. He wants me to gain more strength to carry on.  I know that all these BREAKDOWNS of mine will become BREAKTHROUGHS. I know it and i believe in it. I trust in the Lord. 2020, Get ready for a stronger Micah. She’s not gonna give up on whatever you throw on her because her God is bigger than those problems. 

 Happy New Year Everyone!

God Bless You All! 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i can remember going to like five bday parties

1. kid in preschool who invited pretty much everyone. all i remember was going up the driveway

2. kid in elementary school named tommy who didn't have hardly any friends, same. we went to the bowling alley and i'm sure that was great. i'm cool with bowling.

just remembered i had a kinda friend named sophia for a few years cuz our moms worked together or smthing. she was fun we just didnt see each other that much. also had a friend in early elementary school named michael who i enjoyed being around, which was rare i actively wanted to be friends with someone, he was cool too. i think he went to a different school after a couple of grades tho. another rare friend i wanted to be friends with was the one where we were both so quiet that im not even sure we spoke the same language, in a literal sense. but that was the one where one day i guess the teacher wanted to make an example out of a couple quiet kids who never did anything coz we were getting a kick out of looking at each other thru the holes in our folders and it wasnt even a lesson but i had to carry my assigned desk across the room and for someone who interprets attention as dangerous it was a trial for me though i pretended it was fine coz i have had a stubborn streak since old enough to have like any traits at all. other people i wanted to be friends with pre-college: josh, who i was friends with, but after we went to different schools and i found him on facebook he refused to talk to me coz he was going through a hardcore late emo phase i guess and i hope that part of his life has settled; emily, who was cute and friendly and we were acquaintances who shared classes but i never spoke to anyone and we never got a friendship going thru coincidence, saw her years later at my summer job and she seemed alive; arissa, who i was friends with and could goof around with but then we went to different schools and never had any contact since

3. a sorta friend from since-preschool, this one was pretty fun, it was a smallish sleepover and we watched a movie and did the thing where you pour some colors into a mold and bake ur own custom superball, there were fireflies too, her parents were nice.

4. a friend who had a pool party which was great b/c i like pools. accidentally gave her a present meant for my dad because they were the same size and i wrapped them together coz their birthdays are close together and i didnt even realize it until my dad opened the one meant for her a few days later. classic

5. a friend who went to a concert kind of but it was like a mom concert especially since her mom took us and it was fine but i dont count it as my first concert which was me sneaking off to see kesha. it was good except she hadnt ever said it was a birthday thing so i hadnt brought a gift and there was only one other person invited, who totally had. Classic

6. just remembered another one which was a elementary school friend for a couple years, all i remember really happening was using coloring books and she got really stressed about finding a marker she'd just gotten as a gift because her parents would be mad. also got stressed when something spilled i think. i recognized that pretty easily so im really assuming her parents were abusive too. she wasnt always that great a friend though and it made me mad, like one time in art class she asked my advice on how to fix flower stems she'd painted too wide and i said well all i could really think to do was use some white paint on it, and when she did that and the paint didnt opaquely cover up what she'd painted she got mad at me and for some reason stole my scissors to get even with me for ruining her painting. third grade me didnt think that was cool. plus she always took half my sandwich at lunch, like, bro. but that wasnt as annoying as the time a friend in middle school who was one of the only people to actually hang out with me was not only going thru a period of not hanging out with me but also only talking to me to get my math homework to copy from during lunch. and then one day she didnt even give it back before lunch and our next period was math and anyways i was upset about getting a zero but then i didnt care pretty quickly. she was pretty nice anyway. and i came to give like rock bottom amt of shits abt school within time so looking back im definitely not even mad. that scissors thing was still out of line tho by contrast

thrillingly i thought of that topic coz once i tagged along to a bday party of one of my sister's friends, my sister being a person who actually has friends. it was pretty fun and it was just backyard running around and one of them let me race them around in circles on a bike, which i recognized as gracious from a kid three years older. i think that was where my sister got a plastic cup that looked like a coconut that my mom took and threw away later to punish her for whatever and i remember coz my sister cared enough about it to ask her not to throw it away but of course that doesnt work

i had a bday party once? in elementary school. i guess we saw a movie but im not sure what it was. and it was a sleepover so apparently i couldnt invite my friends who were boys, which was at least half of the precious few of them, which i thought was dumbassed as hell, on account of it was. plus for like weeks in advance my mom threatened to cancel it for whatever thing of the day was pissing her off. probably not playing piano for thirty minutes a day which i never wanted to do but for some reason had to do for years because i made the mistake of wanting to do the thing my sister was when i was like five and a clueless fucko. and we owned a piano. idk why my mom gave a shit that if we showed any interest in learning we Had to, for 30 min a Day which is an eternity in kid time, and also we couldnt stop. that was a weird thing that i forget about. i forget about 86% of my life and 93% of the first third or two because there is not much worth remembering as you can imagine. i mean, its mostly there in my memory, its just hard to pull up anything unless i have a specific reminder of a certain memory or else just try really hard i guess. i'm just out here, who knows what was going on back then. besides bs

[maedarakat]

✍🏻 please

(Thanks!!! You didn’t include a pairing tho so I hope you’re cool with me just doing my fave boys? XD This is going to be around season 1 and maybe 2, pre-redemption Dagur bc he’s fun.)

—-

Dagur stared at the parchment in his hands, expression extraordinarily dumbfounded. One of the Riders had just … Terror-mailed him a letter?

The Terror was even still hanging around - just out of reach and ridiculously good at avoiding thrown knives. Almost like it was waiting for a response to this drivel.

He’d of course spent a good portion of time over-analyzing it. Was it a distraction? The set-up for a trap? It wasn’t from Hiccup and it didn’t ask him to meet him anywhere though.

Nope, just inane babbling from one member of Hiccup’s little dragon-loving group. There was nothing to really do but tear it up and throw it overboard. Which he almost did, but Savage stopped him.

“If you don’t mind me suggesting, sir, this could be an opportunity? Write back and tell the boy to meet you alone if he really wants an … “ Savage peered over Dagur’s shoulder to re-read the lines that had his leader so flustered. “An arrow-launcher for Snoggletogg.”

“Arrow-launcher! As if I’d actually send anyone else a Berserker crafted arrow-launcher for anything, let alone for -” Dagur paused, mid-tirade. “Wait, is it Snoggletogg today?”

Savage shook his head. “Not for four more months sir.”

Dagur scowled, but made his decision and stormed toward his cabin. “Nobody disturb me and leave that Terrible Terror alone. I’m writing a response.”

——-

Dear Blithering Dragon-Rider Idiot #1,

OF COURSE IM NOT SENDING YOU AN ARROW-LAUNCHER FOR SNOGGLETOGG, YOU COMPLETE MORON! Why in Loki’s name WOULD I?!? I cannot believe you’d even DARE ASK ME for such a thing?! Are you serious?!? 

Can’t you ask your parents?!?! I heard you can get a pretty nice selection at the Northern Market. None as close to the quality on my ship, so I guess you’ve got decent taste, but still - DON’T YOU EVER, EVER ASK ME FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. 

It seriously weirded me out. 

- DAGUR THE DERANGED

P.S. And I hope your tree catches fire!!!!

—–

“There, I sent it.” Dagur and Savage both watched as the Terror flew off, disappearing soon in the fog that surrounded the Berserker armada.

“What did you write?” asked Savage, nosey as ever.

“What do you think?!” Dagur snapped. “I told that rider where he could shove his stupid request!”

And that was the end of it, until the next letter came.

——

Dear Dagur the Deranged,

Wow, I had no idea you would be so offended? Sorry. You’re always offering Hiccup stuff and he doesn’t appreciate it, so I figured I could use some of that misplaced affection to fulfill both our emotional needs.

And also my need for a totally awesome arrow-launcher. 

You sure you don’t have a spare one? Or a broken one I can fix that’s just taking up space on your ship? I promise I won’t mind if it’s a wreck, just put a festive little bow on it or something. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Ooh, but besides all that, do you worship Loki too? I’m so happy to hear that if it’s so - it fits you! You’re clever and devious, He’s clever and devious … If you ever want to talk trickster gods and their frustrating yet endearing ways of making life interesting - then I, Tuffnut Thorston, am your man.

Also, thanks for the tip about the Northern Markets, but if my parents actually liked me enough to get me one, they’d probably make me share it with my sister. 

Do you KNOW how hard it is for two people to work the same massively destructive weapon at the same time? Trust me, the projectiles do not go where you want them to. Just ask Sven’s sheep. We all had to eat a lot of mutton that night. It was good too; I still don’t get why the Chief was so mad.

Anyway, I hope your tree catches fire too! Ours does every year, as a tribute to that time Astrid decimated almost everybody’s house with exploding dragon eggs.

Have a Happy Snoggletogg! (I’m wishing you one early, in case you manage to kill us all before it gets here. Hopefully with an arrow launcher because that would be ironic and kind of funny.) 

See you on the battlefield!

- Tuffnut Thorston

P.S. What would you like for Snoggletogg, assuming we all live to see it? I probably can’t afford or steal anything fancy, but I can always write you another poem.

——

Dagur was enraged. Livid. Also, more confused than ever. 

This had to be some sort of trick. Why was this crazy Rider still talking to him? It was like having a prisoner you just couldn’t make shut up.

Or resist talking back to. 

What he should do was crumple this stupid parchment up and throw it over the side. But then that Terror would hang around all day and annoy him. 

Dagur growled and ignored the strange look Savage gave him, as he ordered the man to find him better parchment and some more ink. 

He didn’t write letters that much; but he wasn’t about to send something smudged and tattered back to this dumb kid. Maybe if he wrote completely bluntly and in big letters, the Rider would get that they were enemies.

Not friends. Not … quill pals.

—–

Dragon Rider, 

You seem to be confused, so let me help you out here. 

I’m not sending you anything for Snoggletogg, and I don’t want anything from you either. Thanks for the offer, but –

We are enemies. I want to kill you and your buddies and all your little dragon friends, including your stupid Terror that keeps dodging my knives. Actually if you wanted to send me anything, send me more knives. I’ve lost at least three over the side because of that thing. Who knew they could be so fast?!

Seriously, write to me again asking for anything, and I’ll blow up your entire house the next time I attack Berk.

- Dagur the Deranged

—–

Dear Dagur,

Okay, I get it. I won’t ask for anything. Just surprise me. 

Some knives are totally coming your way, though. Nice ones too, with polished antler handles and sharp edges. The merchant almost sold them out from under me, but I distracted him by pointing out a rainbow and snagged you four. 

Also, if you blew up my house, you’d be doing us all a favor. It’s a total mess. I’ve been begging the local dragons to ‘accidentally’ torch it, but Hiccup keeps stopping me. It’s a shame; my mom would get a new house built and new furniture, so she wouldn’t have to clean for a while. She hates cleaning. Gets it from me. 

Oh and I guess Pop would have to drink out in the sunshine. Or the rain. He could use a quick rinse either way, he’s gotten kinda ripe since I last visited.  Pshh, Dads today, am I right?

Anyway, that last letter was so serious. Dare I say formal? You sounded like you could use some cheering up, so I wrote you a poem. 

I know it’s not Snoggletogg yet, but I’m sure we’ve missed your birthday by now, anyway. (Hey when is your birthday? Let me know.)

Here’s the poem:

There once was a rider named Hic, Whose tyranny would make you sickThough love him we will,And we follow him still,Sometimes he can be a real prick

——

Dagur snorted and started laughing out loud, causing a few heads to turn. He quickly caught himself and glared them back to work before turning back to the letter in his hands.

He had meant to get rid of it this time, really. But it had just been so boring today. 

He had to admit, the kid had some nice poetry. Also, the thought that he had an actual belated (or was it early?) birthday gift coming his way honestly thrilled him - especially if it was stolen. 

Because buying things with money and prestige? Boring! As a chieftain’s son,  expensive gifts had always felt like people were sucking up to him, so whatever it was had no meaning really. 

But this do-gooder dragon-rider had actually broken the law (and definitely had gone against Hiccup’s wishes) just to get him a nice gift. 

That was … That was just so … thoughtful?

He bit his lip, a little conflicted, but then shook his head to clear it. If someone was wanting to be nice to him, it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean he had to be nice in return. 

But maybe it wouldn’t hurt anything to keep writing back.

—–

Rider,

Thanks. That poem was pretty funny. I’ll accept those knives too, since you’re technically just paying me back for the ones I lost. I hope you don’t expect anything big in return, like mercy or extra food rations when I eventually kill and capture you all. 

I’m no good with poetry … maybe you’d like a story or something? I know some pretty scary ones. Ooh, I bet you can make that big kid with the Gronckle scream like a little girl!

My birthday is the 15th of September. 

Regards, Dagur

P.S. When’s yours? Maybe I’ll just try extra hard not to kill you that week.

—–

Well, it wasn’t anything he’d brag about to his men, Dagur thought, watching the Terror fly off. But maybe being quill-pals with the enemy wasn’t such a bad thing.