#this is me talking to myself

[chaoticaesthete]

a procrastinator who wants to: get good grades, read books, have a proper sleep schedule, complete stuff on her watch lists, have fun occasionally with her friends, and still want her down time. a fucking vicious loop for an eternity.

[toffeesbabbles]

Wdym "they deserve better" their ASSES ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!

[obliviongate]

"maybe we'll get elder scrolls 6 news this year!!"

[rainstormcolors]

"I just want more fanfiction of Seto Kaiba as an incredibly flawed and lonely person that the story still treats with sympathy while understanding he's making mistakes and misstepping but it doesn't force him to neatly and cleanly change for the sake of a message and also all the other characters are 3-dimensional and have inner lives and feel detailed."

"That's just canon. Revisit canon."

[toughtink]

here’s what you’re gonna do: slice some bread—not the cheapo grocery store sandwich bread, the nice kind your husband made from scratch. now drizzle some garlic olive oil on top along with a bit of pepper. add slices of whatever cheese you like—i went with gouda but next time i might grate some parmesan. toast that just enough to get melty. throw some arugula on top. drizzle a bit of balsamic vinegar and sprinkle with salt. this is breakfast.

[dorkycreature-89]

to my fellow black peeps that feel like they aren't truly black enough (because i've felt that and i'm still feeling it), always remember.....

you're blacker than aubrey graham

[theninthmember]

don't "save" your projects for later. you don't need to get better at drawing before you start your comic. draw the bad version. you don't need to spend 5 more years honing your prose before you start work on your precious baby of a web-novel. what if you die tomorrow. write the bad version and put it into the world.

you can always go back to it later with improved skills and make version 2.0. And I promise that if you do this, there will be people who prefer the original.

[x-methis-x]

Academic Validation

I was always the smart kid in class. I had always one of the best grades, because I was to lazy to work for the best (and a little scared to tbh), but I always was one of the best. People would come to me to ask for help, or homework, and doing tests without having to study made me feel above some of my peers.

But now I’m in college, everyone was the best in their high school classes either and I’m not that special anymore. I can’t be the “smart” one in my new friend group because we’re all the smart ones. Then who Am I…?

Plus, I think I should mention that I’m in architecture school (more like architorture school), here doesn’t matter how smart you are, in fact intelligence isn’t one of the biggest factors they’re interested in. Instead try creativity, knowing how to speak in public, group projects and knowing to express your opinion and work in group, practical work like making drawings, sketches and models. We're all starting from zero and we're learning everything together, but it feels like I'm getting behind.

It feels like I lost the only good thing about me, that was being smart and able to help others. Now I’m the one who always need help, with the worst grades, worst works, I feel like I’ve lost me and it really hurts to think like that.

I never really knew how much impact a number had in my life until I started to pay attention to them in my works. Yes, I can say that I had always feel good about having good grades and being one of the best in my classe, but in reality, who wouldn’t. 

I just never actually thought that I would feel so dumb, so lost and especial so worthless just because I hadn’t a grade I expected. My life turned upside down and I even cried about it (even when anyone else thought it wasn't that big problem having a bad grade; "It happens once in a while"). I guess I never really knew how much of an academic validation seeker I really was indeed.

[sunshinebingo]

I don't know who needs to hear this but I hope it helps someone. Baby steps. No matter how stressful or chaotic you feel like your life is, acknowledge your little accomplishments and know that the littlest thing you do is also important in achieving your goal.

Sending good vibes to all the lovely people here ♥♥️

[chaoticaesthete]

'you can't expect to grow if you won't leave your comfort zone'.

you're just a happy little kid back home, in all your innocent glory. suddenly, one day, you move to another city and start out on your own. you begin to wash your dirty utensils, you begin to do your laundry, and you begin managing expenses; all by yourself. you start choosing peace over arguments, self growth over winning, and what you love over anything else. at some point, you start crawling out of your comfort zone many times. you try to learn and strike a balance between your comfort niche and the world.

maybe this is what growing up means. 🤍

[pinkbunny888]

That's even more ironic(?) to me because when I'm the one people reach out for, I feel honored. I take pleasure in them trusting me and in being able to help them. I make sure to remind them to always reach out because I WANT to be "bothered". But then we think of ourselves and we think others will be completely annoyed if we reach out to them. That's so ironic. You prove yourself wrong every time, yet you still believe your own lies huh

i have GOT to get over my obsessive worry about being a burden on others oh my god. it is okay to inconvenience people! people in your life who really care about you won’t mind being inconvenienced!! it’s literally just the human experience!!! communicate your needs for the love of god it’ll be FINE!!!!!

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

[tsumnoda]

such a fucking cry baby oh my god

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower