#this is me being delusional but theres no way he's actually dead

[lilcetis]

LISTEN i really don't think david is dead. like the scene implies that david was attacked outside the elevator he put genya in according to the blood spatter, but there's no body! those shadow monsters leave bodies! where would he have gone?! where's the body netflix?

[dearweirdme]

(warning, this got way longer than anticipated sorry)

ik this is probably a dead topic to you and i apologize for bringing it up again but i was just rewatching the leaked jk videos of him in his apartment with that girl bc i saw some discourse abt it in another tkk blog’s comments. some jk stan who’s convinced he’s straight, that he was sleeping arnd/had a girlfriend, and that we’re all delusional came in the comments and basically started stirring shit lol. they mentioned they believed he was dating that tattoo artist girl who he was photographed w his arms arnd as well. but i thought she had a bf at the time of that pic being released? idk fs tho and that pic def gave off close friend vibes to me?

anyways, seeing the discourse made me go back and watch the video again and the more i watch it the more conflicted i get. like he is rlly all over her. arms wrapped all around her and walking holding her from behind like that. ofc it’s POSSIBLE that they’re just friends especially if he is gay/queer (ik that kind of physical affection is more typically acceptable between queer men and straight women than when both parties are straight). but to me for some reason it seems improbable and like that’s just an excuse to keep myself believing in tkk ? like really…we’re convincing ourselves him and the girl he had at his apartment at night alone w him are just friends when almost everyone and their mother would see that as clearly romantic and crossing platonic boundaries ? he’s THAT close, comfortable, and affectionate w a girl he’s just friends with ?

lol subconsciously i feel like im probably submitting this to ur account hoping ur response will give me reassurance that the interaction was not romantic even when it’s likely that it was. to me the video is clearly real and it is actually jungkook so that’s not at all the part that im debating about, but just the nature of the interaction ig ? like how long am i going to convince myself he’s queer and w taehyung when theres a lot that implies otherwise…

but then i think back on the reasons why i believe in tkk and that makes me even more confused lol. bc if i tell myself to just accept that jk is straight/not romantically involved w taehyung then idk how to make sense of many of tkk’s interactions either. like the kappa sweethearts tshirt is the one that rlly gets me for some reason. bc there’s no shot it was a coincidence they were wearing such a specific niche tshirt on the same day at the same time too. and why would friends wear matching literal “sweethearts” tshirts? they wouldn’t right? ik other ppl value the dream premiere and other moments more but those tshirts are so unarguable that it’s something i always circle back to. like to me saying their clothes at the dream premiere were intentionally queer coded is not something that is necessarily factually true. it’s more so an assumption after extensively digging into the background of their clothes which they may or may not have even noticed/intended. that to me could be argued as a coincidence but the kappa shirts are 100% the same specific tshirt and it was 100% the same day. that being a coincidence is less likely to me.

the other thing is the way they keep their friendship/relationship so much more under wraps than the others. but maybe that’s something we’ve just convinced ourselves of when maybe they haven’t rlly been that private/secretive abt it? idk i just go round and round in circles. i’ll come to a point where i feel SO sure that tkk are romantically together (especially with how explicit tae is w his support of the queer community) but then i’ll see some shit like that video of jk in his apartment w a girl and the whole thing gets derailed.

sorry i’ve just talked in circles atp and i could probably go back and forth w more examples for forever but yeah idk just wanted to hear your thoughts bc idk how you’re able to stay so secure in believing they are together. and i don’t think u seem like the type to just continuously convince urself of something that is delusional through confirmation bias and disregard of opposing evidence.

Hi anon!

Yeah, you probably ar submitting this because you want me to reassure you 😊 and that’s totally fine honestly. I mean, we are invested in Tae and Jk and stuff can really become complicated and confusing at times. Being confused is never a great feeling and you just want to not feel confused.

I need things to be realistic myself as well. I don’t need Jk and Tae to be together, I basically just think they are. I’m not afraid to step away from them if I feel they’re no longer together (or.. if they never were). And I will definitely let everyone know if/when I ever feel like something is off (and right after that I will hide because Jkkrs and anti’s will come for my head 😂).

To me it is all about the things I know for sure. Like Tae wearing that t-shirt for instance.. on the same day as Jk when he shot that mv. To me that is something strong and real talking in favor of them being together. Same goes for other situations: Tae and Jk at that hotel after/before Dubai, Jk singing that song to Tae, BH acting weird about them (and them alone), the way Tae constantly mentions Jk… and I could go on for a while probably. Those are actual things we have witnessed.. things that are real and when you look at the whole of it.. things that are consistent and that we have witnessed for a prolonged duration of time.

When I look at the footage of supposedly Jk with that girl, I see a person backhugging a girl for a real short amount of time. I have no context, I have no clue about there being more people or not. I can also clearly see that the footage is manipulated. I know it was released at a shady timing, with the purpose of harming him. I know that there’s an actual platform where people who hate him gather and plan stuff like this.

So when I put what I know is true about Jk and Tae next to what I know of that footage… the scale just tips over. I do not trust shady footage more than I trust what I know of Jk and Tae. And I might be wrong.. absolutely. But I just don’t think I am.

If I had no knowledge about Tae and Jk before seeing that footage.. maybe I wouldn’t have secondguessed it as well. But, I do have that other knowledge and therefore if I see something that goes against that.. I look at what’s fed to me more critically.

I don’t know if this has settled your mind anon. Personally I always feel fine with not having all the answers, but I can also understand that can be real unsettling. Maybe try and land in the ‘I don’t know for now’ zone for a bit?

[sanguinechaos]

cant believe i was so fucking delusional about Flamebringer and Enforcer interacting in some way that it came into existence

actually can we talk about that

listen i already Hortus de Escapismo would be a treat because its a Laterano related event and it involves my wife. actually he got an alter even i knew it i KNEW IT I WAS AN EXALTER TRUTHER AS SOON AS I SAW THAT BOUJEE WINCHESTER 1887 MY FUCKING WIFE IS HOME MY WIFE

and then they dropped the operator records for the Notarial Hall trio and for anyone who has not read those yet tl;dr from somewhat dubiously google translated chinese text:

in Insiders oprecs theres almost an all out brawl over a family heirloom donut recipe. its so funny to me that we all made fun of him cause his halo looked like a donut and he really is Donut Man™

actually his personal donut recipe is so sweet and greasy that the doctor nearly chokes to death on it. im pretty sure if you eat it you can physically feel your arteries popping shut

apparently he likes sweets so much because when they picked him off the streets in some small town bordering siracusa and brought him to laterano they gave him some candy and it just left such an impact on him

do all of you have dead parents is that like a requirement

he has donut pajamas

Executor oprec is kinda cute honestly. this guy is autistic. he has joined the war on autism on the side of the autism. anyway what we learned is that apparently his lack of empathy (as in the sanktas 6th sense) is something hes had from birth and not in fact due to his job as an executor

and also he has always had a black halo and wings. according to the manhua they also dropped his entire extended family has black halo/wings it has absolutely fuck all to do with him being willing to kill sankta if his job necessitates it its just genetic

he doesnt actually have that much of a problem recognizing what people are feeling, its more that he has trouble piecing together cause and effect or what those emotions mean to people. and his parents (before their tragic demise) taught him to like draw shapes on paper matching different emotions to parse it? cute

anyway the other executor that was on a mission with him when he was still a rookie bites the dust and Executor takes it so so so seriously and fucking tries to eat 100 scoops of ice cream because his senpai made a joke and he was just like "okay so that can count as a last will and testament i guess" like babe. babe. he applied for executive gelato funding

and they leave us hanging but i genuinely wonder how many he managed to eat before he probably vomited and couldnt see gelato for the next 3 months

Federico Giallo? no. Federico Gelato

also hes only around ~25 as of Exalter

Enforcer goes around asking various sarkaz about Kazdel cause obviously hes intending to go look for Cecelias dad with her

actual live reaction as soon as i saw 炎客 BEYONCE?! FLAMEBRINGER?!

Flamebringer is a wanted criminal the Notarial Hall has his mugshot on the office notice board (which tells me that there is NO WAY that Executor doesnt KNOW him or about him please i am so delulu rn Lowlight i fucking beg you let them interact kiss. violently suck face, even. "Dino wasnt this a 炎见 post?" if you were paying attention to my Twitter youd know i really like 葬炎见 in that exact order but ill take any combination of just two of them) and also he absolutely does not give a shit he just keeps watering the plants while Enfocer talks at him

Enforcer gets slammed against a wall and maybe choked a little unbelievable and Flamebringer is like "go bug someone else, blood is not for watering flowers" like oof ouch the edge on this guy

Mudmud helps Enfocer in the end tho :)

also he might be like 19 while my conservative estimate was at least 25 i THOUGHT the Notarial staff had law degrees now i get why everyone in Guide Ahead was like "waow, so young :o and already an executor!"

[growling]

I don't know why but today I just woke up with another wave of love and appreciation for mv!Mapleshade warrior cats. I just auughhhhh I love her even if she isn't that intentionally well-written at all I relate to her so much you wouldn't believe that kitty is special to me, at the very least the mv!Mapleshade version of her.

It's the way she's just so out of touch and detached from reality from the moment she's introduced in mv (and maybe even for the remainder of the novella) and living in this fantasy of her and her family being Untouchable and Special, putting her utmost faith in the warrior code/the law and StarClan/God, especially believing that StarClan approves and gave her kits their blessing, and has this narrative/plot-relevant "magical thinking" about everything that happens around/to her. When Frecklewish just asks if the father of her kits is Birchface(he isn't), she thinks it is a explicit sign for her that StarClan themselves is "offering her a way for her kits to be accepted by her clanmates", everything is some sort of "sign" for her. She wholeheartedly believes that nothing bad will ever happen to her very illegal children, that everyone will just accept and love them because they're just so perfect, and that by just being born they will literally change everyone's minds about inter-Clan relationships and achieve world peace -- That they will grow up both loyal to ThunderClan and RiverClan equally, that "the truth about who their father really was would be unable to shake the loyalty of their woodland clanmates, [...] and once RiverClan gets to know them, those cats will feel the same", that "the feud over sunningrocks will be forgotten when the clans realize they share these perfect warriors". And like is this a cause of concern that this is really similiar to whatever I'm going through pretty often too like you and me both Maple. Not related but I think it's also very cool how sometimes when people talk to her or ask her something she just. Doesn't respond. And I think that everybody in the fandom just making it up to be "haha look at this delusional bitch not knowing theres consequences to her actions lol" should be punted into the sun like how is this a testament of her being an irredeemably evil terrible person to you and not like something actually very sympathetic why are you like this with every female character. Beautiful miss Maple baby I will protect you. She should have killed even more people actually

And I need to ask why. Whyyyyyy did they write her to towards the end of the book start hallucinating her dead babies encouraging her to become a serial killer throughout. You literally didn't have to bring psychosis into this she already had perfectly valid reasons to start murdering people!! Why!! You didn't make her more "scary" by this or whatever, instead now it just makes me feel bad for her even more that she went to cat hell forever for the actions she did when she was not only super mega ultra traumatized and in a state of shock after The Events (which none of those was her fault btw), but also that she literally going through some kind of episode the entire time too. And like. You didn't have to bring dead baby murder hallucinations into this as I have said before she had perfectly valid and understandable reasons to start maiming people already auuughhh head in hands. I could treat her so much better than you I am taking mv!Mapleshade away from you she's mine now

(Also dare I say all the people she killed had it coming already lmao like let's see we got uhh. One Snitch. Two Really pushy lady that pressured her into saying that Birchface is the father of her kits and then once she found out that was a lie she clawed her in the face and called her 2 month old kittens "half-clan creatures". Three cheater that didn't give a fuck about their dead children whose corpses he fished out the river and then threw her under the bus and nearly got off scot free for the exact "crime" that she got severely punished for. Like listen has anything of value been lost honestly. Free my woman she did all of that your honor but also like come onnnn man who caressssss)

Im love. I love her. Me and Mapleshade get each other at a spiritual level and I have no idea what this says about me. All of you need to hear about Mapleshade too I don't care I am subjecting you to the triple homicide kitty I'm forcing you to listen. Also this is how her official plush looks. Crying throwing up what is wrong with this horrid wet beast. Horrible I am enamored with everything about it

[limpfisted]

BALDUR’S GATE THREE RELEVANT CANON FOR THIS BLOG from the DESCENT TO AVERNUS MODULE!

first and foremost. baldur’s gate is ruled of a council of four—three dukes and one grandduke. the frandduke has two votes, as opposed to the other dukes one. the dukes are all ELECTED officials, that have to campaign. ulder became grand duke seven years ago, when wyll was seventeen, shortly before wyll was banished after hearing the voice of zariel telling him to go fight the tiamut cultists. more on tiamut later.

dukes can start out in poverty and labor their whole life to get where they are, this is true of both vanthampur AND ulder.

the dukes are: ulder. he was elected as grand duke bc of idealism, both from the nobility and the common people. he would be tough on crime, good for business, good for PEOPLE. he genuinely seems to believe in baldurs gate and see the good in it despite it being incredibly shitty, and he passed that down to his son.

vanthampur, who is evil n the reason duke ravengard got sent to hell n came back hellstouched. they have three weird kids who all suck. she is part of the reason zariel is about to take over bg, she used to work on the sewers. vanthampur is actually the one funding the dead three cultists to make everyone lose faith in the flaming fists. which leads to the events of this game p well tbh

stelmane, who dies before the events of the game but after elturel fell. she was fucking the emperor.

and polymer, who is a useless ineffiecent kind of lazy old man.

there are FIFTY members of the parliment of peers, these are all members of noble families called “patriars”. some noble families are rich, some noble families are poor, all the noble families have manors, each of them has a dozen servants. real estate is a heavy commodity and a marker of power and status. some families sell al their furniture, just to keep their family manor.

the ONLY patriar family that is non-human is a swarven family that goesss allll the way back to them BUILDING the gate, they are incredibly human centric despite having a hugely diverse population. they sayin the book theres no discrimination against you for your fantasy race—but also, you are just? not going to have power?

the watch protects the upper city, they act in the interests of the nobles and their capital. the nobles are all corrupt or expected to be corrupt publically—they go to ballrooms, they go to theater, they go to bathhouses with sex workers, they do shady dealings. the best of them hire vigilantes and “arrange for things to be stolen from them to give to charity without losing face as that is actively dangerous.” the best of them also end up dead in the lower city.

common people have to pay tolls to get into the upper city and theres a curfew just to humilaite them, its enforced with violence and shaming. there are select nobles, weirdos, who like to keep commonfolk therempast curfew just to toy with them sadistically at bdsm horror parties and the like under the guise of “potentially helping their station in politics.”

the flaming fist are fucking AWFUL, they “protect” the lower city, but theyre all corrupt, they will BEAT PEOPLE IN THE STREETS, they all take bribes, they are completely incompetent and distracted and useless without ulder. anyone cam be a flaming fist as long as they have a sword, no bg checks really

ulder is a good a dude ad a guy in charge of these people can be, but between you and me, he’s entirely delusional, he actually believes baldur’s gate is a good place and balduran was a hero. baldur’s gate was NEVER good, it was started by balduran tossing coin at a bunch of thieves and pirates who would pretend to be lighthouses just to crash ships on the shore and then STEAL FROM THEM. then it became a shitty little pieate town full of corrupt bastards and murderers.

and yet there is still so much magic here!

theres the many different religions, hospitals, cultists, a cemeteary like a labyrinth, a park run by a druid. the elfsong tavern actually has a disembodied voice of an elf si ging there and everyone will stoo and listen to this elf si g n no one knows what its about! the shar cultists give food to the needy!

but also every profession imaginable has a union, from “the reputable guild of moneylenders” to the “wonderous weavers.”

theres everything u can imagine can be bought and sold

animals arent allowed in bg if theyre “bigger than a peacock” but that just means now people are OBSESSED WITH THE ILLEGAL TRADE OF PEACOCKS!

bg is in direct opposition with amnh, another city=/area on the coastal council, but everyone has bg’s back every time amnh says they should get rid of them.

elturel is a lawful good holy city, so of course they hate the rotten chaotic evil city for bastards

the paper is called baldur’s mouth and it accepts bribes but it really gets into the city’s darker underdealings

the favorite game of everyone in the city is called baldur’s bones and it’s just dice lol u throw dice

zariel took over elturel n baldurs gate is next unless beave people descend to avernus and stop her with the sword of zariel. the high overseer who sold elturel out is probably still hiding at vanthampur’s villa whole their HUNDREDS of victims wait outside

more on that some other time, perhaps

[aezuria]

*ੈ✎ TEASERS

—two for the price of one!

starring: bsf!leo valdez x reader synopsis: you and leo aren't really dating. but hey, it gets you some pretty good deals. (or 5 times you faked being a couple and the 1 time it became real) ╰┈▸ "excuse me?" a polite, almost desperate voice interrupted the gossip you were sharing with leo. a girl around your age was waving a flyer around, dressed in the saddest mascot you've ever seen. "there's a couple's discount on any meal of your choice today! buy one get one free!"

—SECOND CHANCE AND ROMANCE (series)

starring: jason grace x roman! reader synopsis: what do you do when a man everyone thought was dead is suddenly up and walking right before your eyes?

—i think you and i have chemistry (title tbd)

starring: mortal au! leo valdez x reader synopsis: your lab partner is who now!? ╰┈▸ your habitual mental list-checking was interrupted with a rude shove to your shoulder. you looked over, met with the sight of a cheeky grin that made you want to shake your fist in the air. great. leo fucking valdez.

—because you're fine and you're mine, and you look so divine

starring: leo valdez x daughter of aphrodite! reader synopsis: part iv of the delusional girl x delusional boy trope! will they finally get together? ╰┈▸ there was something about leo... maybe it was his bright personality, dazzling eyes, or maybe it was the way the two of you just clicked.

—i love you, silly! (requested)

starring: frank zhang x reader synopsis: will an oblivious frank see the signs before it's too late? ╰┈▸ requests r open??? omg yay!!! could u write something for frank zhang (i love him so much it actually hurts) where its like idiots to lovers where frank is convinced that theres no way reader will like him back even though reader's been giving him sooo many signs and is ready to move on if he keeps on being oblivious (IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE???) happy ending pls or i will cry 🙏🙏🙏

[himbirch]

i just wanna add onto this because ada's spectre will always have me giddy and sad and so excited about her. she's my everything. also be warned i didnt do much research, pls lmk if any of this is scientifically wrong so i can edit it

also i'm calling the rich guy who killed her tamerlane for simplicity's sake (this is a reference to the poem she's from (called Tamerlane), where tamerlane is the narrator and her lover)

cw for some grotesque stuff about dead bodies, some mentions of sexuality

so as to the way she's held together by shoddy stitching, it's my opinion that tamerlane actually hacked her up and hid her pieces in different places to avoid getting caught. this would also explain why some parts of her are so much more decomposed than others, because swamps (more specifically low oxygen conditions) can slow decomposition a lot. this would make sense as to why her arms and legs are still mostly intact (just a bit dirty/moldy) while her torso, head, toes and fingers are all bone. her being torn to pieces would also make sense for the way that she moves, stretching the threads in her stitches and dislodging entire parts of her body. also the way her jaw dislodges when she screams could hint that he mightve torn it off.

i also think the bones on her spectre are super interesting: theres fish, snakes, a coyote skull on her hat, and i think some dog skulls as well (could be wrong, i didn't properly ID the skulls). its not totally clear to me whether any of the bones are animate, i'm assuming not but they do look to be screaming in certain panels (could be part of her earsplitting scream power, maybe not). but these bones could be other creatures that died in the same place, or even (this is a stretch ik) creatures tamerlane hunted (rich people still hunted for sport in the 30s i think, although i'm positive that poor people hunted for sustenance during the great depression, so then again the animals might've been killed by ada or her family for food)

the RIBBONS: oh my gosh ok i'm GIDDY about these okok so. if you somehow didn't notice the parallels between annabel lee and ada by this point, let me enlighten you. annabel and ada are paralleled a LOT. they're both single-minded and obsessive about love, they're both manipulative, they've both dabbled in playing both sides, they both have self-worth issues and have been victims of society as women (although ada also had the disadvantage of poverty). it's my slightly delusional opinion that annabel dislikes ada in part because she sees herself in her (ex. the panel where ada is all like "is there anything better than love?" and annabel grimaces and looks down) in any case the RIBBONS GUYS!! i don't have to tell yall that ribbons are constantly connected with annabel, and the way that HER fear sequence involved being wrapped in them. ada having ribbons on her skirts AND HAT (did yall notice that there is a giant ribbon tied AROUND HER NECK) (also in her HAIR. in spectre and in regular form the ribbon in her hair!!!! oh yall are not ready for me to start yapping about the significance of ada giving lenore her ribbon in the manor you're NOT ready) but anyway!!! ribbon literally around her neck, just like annabel in her fear sequence, could very well symbolize ada's own experience with the disempowerment of being a woman, the way she was not allowed to say anything (ex. tamerlane speaking over her as she bled out, no one respecting her, everyone overlooking her INCLUDING ANNABEL (ex. when ada says she might've underestimated lenore post-maze and annabel is SHOCKED) montresor being shocked by like. everything she does lmfao.) ok toooo be fair i'm not totally 100% on what the ribbons represent but i know they relate to annabel somehow I SENSE IT (insert conspiracy theorist gif)

also this vv (i think im allowed to share this)

but ye i wanted to mention that. NOW BACK TO ADA

the way she DIED: humiliated by someone who she thought loved her, certainly, but there is also a theory that she was pregnant when she died! to support this: she was axed in the stomach, told that she gave tamerlane "no choice" but to kill her. also:

ada didn't die in childbirth, but if she was pregnant she was killed directly (or like. roughly around) the womb.

AND AND AND (from An Encyclopedia of Fairies by Katharine Briggs in the section on banshees, quoted from Memoirs of Lady Fanshawe (from an alleged first-hand banshee encounter from the 1600s)

her subtype being Hag was foreshadowed when she taunted lenore post-maze and called her a hag, shrieking old crone etc (oh ada. oh ada no.)

her powers:

earsplitting scream is pretty standard procedure for banshees, i believe, not much to be said that i know of

mark of the grave: i don't think we've seen this one in action yet, but banshee encounters are very often premonitions of death from what i can see online, so she may be able to either mark someone for death or perhaps predict who is the next to die (could she have something to do with lenore's curse, perchance? did she mark her? or monty? maybe? i mean she did touch both of them and prospero in her spectre form quite a bit [WHAT IF SHE MARKED LENORE WITH THE RIBBON]) she also took prospero's cravat, it's unclear if that will come back but he has another one so maaaaybe not (would be neat tho) (ada is the best prospero hairdresser)

and of course, fear itself, her ability to create fear hallucinations:

i find the romantic/intimate undertones of this ability of hers FASCINATING. let me explain. in order to trigger this ability her target has to be staring into her eyes, and she often holds their face in her hands to guide their eyes to hers, in the same motion as though she were about to kiss them (although she ONLY does this with the men who MAY I MENTION are her love interests. it's kind of so so so so so interesting that its like she's taking the power back from these men who have been using her, disrespecting her, and underestimating her. also maaaybe she's violating their fears like this as a kind of late and misplaced revenge on tamerlane for what HE did to her and how HE violated her? am i insane perhaps? maybe.) but okok so. so. when she uses this ability she's almost flirty about it. ex. holding prospero gently, saying he's cute scared, face all up in lenore's and being all "not as brave as you pretend?~", and do i really have to explain how this is flirty? vvvv

also its sososososososososoooo interesting how she didn't do this with annabel, and annabel was also the only one who broke free of the illusion on her own. coincidence? I THINK NOT. like yes annabel has mental fortitude for miles and yes she's queen of dissociation, but i also think the illusion was weaker with her because of the clinical nature with which ada was looking at her, and the anger and impersonality when she grabbed her. also ada respects her like a lot. idk i think it has something to do with it. also the way monty's was like a FULLON hallucination where she wasnt even present. i would posit that's because of the strong emotion ada feels for him, and the romantic/intimate nature, again.

THE COMMON THREADS IN THE HALLUCINATIONS:

HANDS: the hands crawling up prospero, the handprints on monty + his mother's hands, and lenore's hands over annabel. (also the fewer amount of hands on annabel -> weaker hallucination perchance. but i digress). this goes once again along with the kind of intimate nature of ada's spectre. ada, someone presumably used for her body a lot in her life (at the very least by tamerlane, though i would bet money he wasn't the only one), having the power to make other people feel the fear she probably felt, through the use of hands over them. idk. idk its just a theory.

IMMOBILIZATION: this may be in part a freeze response on the part of her victims, but all of the hallucinations we've seen so far have included some kind of immobilization. annabel tied up with her ribbons and lenore, prospero rooted in place and being dissected by hands, monty being immobilized by fear the second his mother appears, wrapped around him and for the first time in the entire comic we see him submit to someone. to anyone. also his fight response is so interesting because his instinct is to fight anyone who is scaring him, EXCEPT FOR HIS MOTHER. sorry i'm. insane. he's so interesting. oh also lenore. personally i think her immobility WAS her fear response, and that her greatest fear was losing control of her body and being unable to help any of her loved ones because she literally couldnt even control herself but thats a whole nother ballpark.

aand i think thats all i can think of rn. im sure i'll come back to this later, ada is my everything and her spectre is so beyond gorgeous. i would kiss her right on the skull <3

ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

[qualityrain]

Can you talk about chen tianwu, the latest chapter of honkai really ignited the urge.

(Please I really need to have someone else who is also obsessed with this little guy.

I AM ALWAYS READY TO TALK ABOUT CHEN TIANWU MY BOY. I TOO NEED MORE PPL TO TALK ABT HIM WITH

oh boy. the latest chapter. ngl im disappointed at how stigmata owl and our bubble universe owl is very different (imo) and the backstory is diff too but i und why,,,,,,i think its funny how i actually lost sleep because owl was canonically described by an npc as “being easy on the eyes” because I’ve always thought he was unattractive(affectionate) like it was so unexpected i Could Not Sleep thinking about it…its funnier to me because i always thought he has intense eyes because of the whole anime guys have smaller irises than girls thing

there are two (2) things from the latest chapter that i think is canon to our owl in vibes and the first one is the opening where he remembers his name and swears because i think its cute!! its such a teenager thing i think he should be allowed to be his age for a bit!!! he should be allowed to be a normal cringefail teenager!! (i do think stigmata owl is 17ish? since theres no mention of ws and owl was in a gang b4 ws)

the second thing is the ana owl convo and 1) oufhhhh i miss ana 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 2) owl and ana!! communicating!! this is how you know its a fake reality. 3) i think its so cool to have ana talk abt how she cares for his wellbeing because it was never outright said in chap18/19(but very obviously implied….but idt owl gets it………….) 4) the implication that owl will just say hes fine even when he’s not fine my owl repression headcanon is canon!! (delusional) (the way he almost died and is surrounded by weird monsters and hes the chill one out of him and ana, the way his sister (his everything!!) is most probably dead and he doesnt have much reaction to it…..oh he’s a repressor i get it) 4) the way owl is just that “me and my girl don’t argue she tell me to shut up and i do!!!” post 5) i think its so nice to see ana be annoyed/angry…it makes her more endearing to me….

that’s all the thoughts i have currently i do have a post talking abt my more general thoughts abt him here

my ask box and messages is always free to talk abt owl!!!!!!!! and by extension ana!!! feel free to share thoughts and/or hcs!!!

[japplejottomjeans]

STRANGER THINGS 5: A NEW EVIL

DISCLAIMER: i am not a THEORY GUY. i am a FAN who is CHRONICALLY ONLINE and TOTALLY NORMAL about this show. this is just me SAYING SHIT.

Hear me out…So apparently after the first season, people were theorizing how the thessalhydra could make an appearance in season 2. Obviously, that never happened—it ended up being the mind flayer instead right? I guess, eventually, people forgot about it, which is fair considering it was only mentioned like, 5 times. But, because im a fucking nerd i and read too much into everything, i realized that the thessalhydra, or any other monster alike to it, was never mentioned again. Of course, it could just be a slip up or inconsistency or fuckin any other excuse they conjure up, but i dont like that way. Heres a different reason i like better

THEORY: THE THESSALHYDRA, OR SOME MONSTER LIKE IT, WILL BE A NEW VILLAIN IN SEASON 5

Wills painting depicted a dragon of some sort with several heads--the thessalhydra also has several heads

There are other theories of Wills art foreshadowing the future. In season 2 when he was possessed he draw a map of the town, purely from his subconscious.

Because he is still tethered to the upside down and/or vecna, hes still able to foresee the future—even if he doesnt know it—specifically the painting he gave to mike in season four. Its of the partys d&d characters facing a dragon type creature wearing three heads. To be fair, the thessalhydra can have up to 9, but the fact that they both have over 1 i count as a similarity.

Alot of people think theres gonna be a dragon next season—personally i dont think it makes sense, just a fucking dragon comin outa nowhere. The GA wouldnt clock it unless it looked exactly like it, or there was some flashback to the painting, or something. Idk, i just think itd be tricky. But the thessalhydra could work for several reasons: 1. its been mentioned verbally in the past, so it would be easier for the audience to remember it. 2. it could make as a sort of realization that their d&d games are having an effect on the real world.

Mike, will, even dustin or lucas would be the first to have that epiphany. I feel like that would give the main party a reason to stick together as they go over everything that happened in their campaigns, try n think of what the fuck is gonna happen next so they can be prepared.

Alternatively; they could be tryin to figure out what campaign could happen next, and before they do the thessalhydra jumps out and theyre like “shit, how did we not realize? it was so long ago…” etcetera etcetera

When vecna shows nancy "the future", she described what she saw to be "a giant creature with a gaping mouth"

The first reason could easily be explained as just a coincidence, but this part kinda sold me ngl. In season four nancy described what she saw in her vision: the town up in flames, dead soldiers, a dark cloud looming over the city, the four gates, but also a another monster. I watched her vision in .25x speed n there was no fucking monster. She goes onto say there were more—a whole ass army of em (probably demodogs).

Anyway, she described the creature as one weve never seen before (unless the mind flayer has another form or sum). I think it looks a lot like the thessalhydra. And these things are like…huge

And so far, everything vecnas showed her has come true

D&D games in stranger things have a record of predicting the future--in the finale of season 1, the party's faced with the thessalhydra. Will defeats it with his fireball (to which he rolled a 14 to cast but thats just the delusional in me 💀)

Ion got a picture for this one but most of yall will know what im talkin about. this is actually another theory thats popular among the fandom. There are tons of variations of it, but ill judt be talkin about the main theme

So whenever a game of d&d is played, it reflects onto real life events (re: season 1 with the demogorgon, season 4 with vecna). Just think of jumanji. Almost all games that have been played in hawkins have had an impact on the town itself— almost all.

The only ones weve seen that have never been referenced again is the one at the end of season 1 (where they defeat the thessalhydra) and in season 3 (where mike sacrifices himself for the town, but uh, ill save that for another post cuz that shit is lowkey concerning ngl)

Anyways—and im reaching with my whole ass torso—the “hoard of juju zombies” could be foreshadowing the “army of monsters” that nancy saw. the thessalhydra could show up with them <- and im talking about this like its endgame material, which it is. heres how i think it could go

Pre time skip, shit happens—i bet the army of monsters nancy spoke of will emerge from the gates. The soldiers will do everything in their power to stop them, but they dont understand whats going on, so they dont defeat them. More shit happens, the town is fled by most, then the time skip.

Its sort of post apocalyptic yk, they dont do much—just try their best to survive. there isnt much they can do. theyre mostly inside, and when theyre not they wear gas masks because of the spores in the air. theyre lives go on, but its not normal. its nowhere near normal.

Anyway, the main conflict ensues, but near the end (probably episode 7 or so) is when that monster that theyve been silently waiting for finally shows up. i think dustin, cuz hes always making the fucking connections to the ud and d&d, coins the monsters name with the analogy that fits it best—the thessalhydra. with this comes a sort of epiphany that maybe these arent just analogies for the sake of it; maybe theyre real.

so dustin tries to contact mike and will (theyre stuck in the upside down right now) to warn them of whats happening. maybe once they all reunite and are brainstorming how to defeat it, they could be like “well how did we defeat him in the game?” silence “a fireball” and will realizes he needs to help defeat it. (protective mike moment)

Yeah this post as all over the fucking place. Seriously im just spitballing. sorry if this is like, incomprehensible 💀 ight bye

[yandereaffections]

Masterlist prt2

In order: Detroit become human, Doki Doki Literature Club, Durarara, Fruits Basket, Game of Thrones, Haikyu!!, Hannibal, Hetalia, Hellsing Ultimate, Jujutsu Kaisen, Joker (2019), Legend of Zelda

continuation of part one

Part three cause thats a thing

part 4 cause i make so much

Part five

part six

part seven

Detroit Become Human:

Rk800 Connor-

“Just give into me, love”

Headcannons

“Im doing this for us.”

Short S/o 

Oblivious S/o

“Just give into me, love”

S/o whos difficult to impress

S/o who wants to go on romantic dates

Scary movie

Rk900 Nines-

S/o on the Dark Web

Stalker 

Shy S/o

Ralph WR600-

HC

Gavin Reed-

Little HCs

Doki Doki Literature Club:

Yuri-

Crush feeling the same way

Natsuki-

HC

S/o w/ synesthesia 

Monika-

Wearing her clothes and writing her poetry

Durarara:

Shizuo Heiwajima-

Headcannons

Gentle, Loving S/o

Izaya Orihara-

Headcannons

Naga! Izaya HC

Clingy S/o

Topping a male S/o NS FW

Fruits Basket:

Tohru Honda-

Artist S/o

Yuki Sohma-

Headcannons

S/os hair gets stuck on a stick

S/o whos like Kyo in personality

Hatori Sohma-

Shy S/o

S/o getting into a car crash

headcannons

Ayame Sohma-

Shy Smol S/o

Shigure Sohma-

Headcannons

Taking care of a exhausted S/o

“Isn’t this better―you not fighting me for once?”

Akito Sohma-

Headcannons

Momiji Sohma-

Headcannons

S/o being taken advantage of

Approaching a shy S/o

Yandere Alphabet: E,X

Kyo Sohma-

HC

Timid S/o

S/o who is also a cat shifter

Being introduced to the Cat Shifter S/os family

Cubby and sweet s/o

Hatsuharu-

S/o whos calming

Game of Thrones:

Robb Stark-

HC

S/o attempting to escape

Haikyu!!!:

Hinata Shoyo-

Werewolf Hinata

Kuroo Tetsuro-

Headcannons

Okiawa Toru-

Headcannons

Blackmailing s/o into staying w/ him

Bokuto Kotaro-

Headcannons

Delusional love

Sugawara-

HC

Nishinoya-

HC

S/o  likes him but isn't sure they're actually ready for a relationship

 “I love you, and I know you love me too. Even if you refuse to admit it.”

Hannibal:

Will Graham-

Headcannons

Naive/innocent S/o

Platonic Daughter 

Trick or treating 

S/o loving his dogs

Darling witnessing a serial killers crime

Siren

Gore

S/o feeling his pulse to ground themselves

Calling him in the middle of the night cause theres someone outside

Finding his soul mates that he sees in his dreams

Aphrodisiac Noncon NS FW TW 

Imprisonment & Lactation Kink NS FW TW

Teacher assistant S/o 

Breaking into S/os house

S/o adjusting to his yandere tendencies 

Hannibal Lecter-

Headcannon

NS FW headcannon

scared of a relationship S/o

Teacher Assistant S/o

Finding out Hannibals a killer

Insecure S/o

Clingy S/o

Vulnerable Hannibal 

Needy Hannibal

Yandere S/o

Keeping your possessions 

Baker/Pastry Chef S/o

Sugar Daddy, Slightly NS FW

Contract with Demon Hannibal

Contract with Demon Hannibal prt2

Soul mate S/o not wanting him

Sickly S/o

Shy patient Crush

Hannibal with his Daughter

Chlidish Darling

S/o has bad Anxiety attacks

Pregnant S/o

Darlings injured by a serial killer

Southern S/o calling Hannibal petnames

Stripper S/o

Finding old cutting marks on S/os thighs

S/o being uncomfortable with their surgery scar

Short S/o HC

Narcoleptic S/o

Male S/o killing someone

S/o who rescues animals 

S/o w/ separation anxiety

S/o w/ anger issues

S/o w/ night terrors

Kidnapped S/o

Dom hannibal, male s/o public sex NS FW

Punishments for misbehaving

Innocent crush with little relationship experience

S/o coming close to solving one of the cold cases Hannibals involved in

Finding Darling lost in the woods near by his house

Loving his S/os scent

Jealous HC NS FW

Vampire

Torture

S/o who doesnt like people yelling

Hunted Down

Coming back from the dead

Neko Hannibal 

Comforting S/o from a nightmare

S/o who overthinks alot

Finding his S/o making out with someone else

Darling moaning in their sleep NS FW

S/o w/ low blood sugar

Chill darling

S/o who doesnt feel like they deserve rest

Darling w/ daddy issues 

Trying to convince him to go see a therapist

S/o who just went to the dentist thinking Hannibal took their tongue

S/o constantly running and hiding away from him

Darling has a Diary

Finding out S/o has a phobia of blood

S/o tying and biting him NS FW 

Corruption & Breeding Kink NS FW TW

Refusing to take medicine

Refusing to eat people

S/o is a picky eater

Age regressing S/o

Meeting gothic s/o at a cafe and trying to find them again

S/o likes collecting rocks

Falling for a darling whos a gourmet chocolate shop owner

Poly Hannigram-

S/o shared between Hannibal/Will

Hannibal/S/o/Will NS FW

Poly hann/will where s/o trys to get them arrested

Poly Hann/will where their s/o escaped

Poly Hann/will w/ Innocent S/o

Poly Hann/will w/ s/o who has fainting spells

Poly Hann/will w/ a s/o who’s suffering a Migraine

Calling out for them in your sleep

Kidnapping a M S/o thats popular on Social media

S/os emotional on their period

Darling having a anxiety attack after being kidnapped

S/o whos ok with being kidnapped, making them breakfast 

Darling having a Asthma Attack

S/o promises not to leave as long as they get dino chicken nuggets

S/o who wears headphones and plays music all the time

Darling who knows how to fight

S/o spoiling them

S/o sneaking out to play in the snow

Darling who avoids them 

Taking care of a S/o who has seizures 

S/o whose disgusted by anyones touch

Extremely quiet s/o

Darling whos a Empath psychiatrist 

S/os married to a Politian 

Sick darling

S/o who plays video games and made a world record on Mario Kart

S/o who snuck out to get fast food

Kidnapping a autistic S/o

S/o whos very affectionate 

S/o has a child from a previous relationship

S/o fearing spiders

Darling w/ PTSD who struggles with intimacy 

Playing Uno with them

S/o whos tired but is too busy to sleep

Darlings a Stress eater

Romancing a Kidnapped S/o w/ trust issues

S/o that sleep walks

Aphrodisiacs NS FW

Brat male S/o NS FW

Breeding Kink NS FW

Corruption & Imprisonment NS FW TW

Foreplay Headcannons NS FW

Taboo Kinks NS FW TW

S/o has a RV and can leave whenever

Courting Headcannons

S/o killing a person who tried to expose them

Parent/kid type of platonic relationship

S/o whimpering in their sleep

Platonic relationship with lesbian S/o

Going to a fair w/ S/o

Kidnapped S/o who refused basic necessities 

Kidnapped S/o thats angry they left their cat behind

S/o playing horror games

S/o being a brat to only Hannibal

Neko Hybrid S/o

Police Captain S/o trying to arrest them

Someone Helping S/o escape

How they treat kidnapped S/o HC

Grieving S/o

Suspicious Kidnapped S/o getting accustomed to their new life

S/o getting food in the middle of the night

Who gives S/o the best massages 

S/o has stockholm

S/o accidentally knocks themselves out

Taking Kidnapped S/o on dates

S/o has a heart surgery scar on their chest

Loving Hannibal but not Will

Kidnapped S/o that completely shuts down

Hetalia:

2p America-

Headcannons

NS FW headcannons

2p Italy-

Headcannons

England-

Fighting for independence S/o

Hellsing Ultimate:

Alucard-

Falling in love HC

Turning S/o into his No Life Queen

Headcannons

The 30 years hes gone

How Alucard approaches you

Integras view on your relationship

Fluff HC

How freetime is spent wth his S.o

Protecting his S/o from the hands of Millienium

Alexander anderson trying to ‘save’ his S/o

NS FW HC

Pet names hc

Using Alucards last name

Affection HC

Domestic HC

Alucards Child reader unintentionally being a yandere magnet 

Seeing his child reader after 30 years

Turning his S/o HC

Darling offering their blood to Seras

S/o’s hopelessly in love with him

Darling who greets him with nose rubs and kisses

Asking why he gave Seras a choice to Turn but not you

After care HC

Somnophila HC NS FW

Christmas w/ Alucard HC

S/o suffering through their period 

Sick S/o

S/o who’s basically a bunny

Darling visiting their family outside the country

S/o who likes to be choked NS FW

Darling who is agressive unless theyre being held

Amnesiac S/o 

Foreign s/o introducing him to their family

Parental Alucard finding out his kid is in a harem

Small and innocent darling

S/o having to stay in their native country for family emergency 

Human S/o who’s terrified of him

Anemic and hemophobic Darling

oblivious S/o

Arguing with Alucard

Comforting Alucard after a nightmare

Accidently upseting his crush

S/o getting hurt

Alucards reaction to Seras being obsessed with his S/o

Playing Hide and Seek

Bunny who fears and avoids him

Accompanying his Bunny on chores

Alucards reaction to a bleeding S/o

Bunny using his jacket as a blanket while waiting for him to get back

Making Alucard melt

Showing Alucard merchandise of himself

Managing to get him a present

S/o is a university student

Bunny w/ low self esteem 

Yandere Alphabet: H,K,T

Alucard reacting to someone romantically approaching his bunny

Yandere Alphabet: A,B,E,I,Q

Yandere Alphabet: L,S,X

S/os Neurodivergent 

Alucard reacting to Iscariot trying to take you away from him

Punishing s/o

Vladcard headcannon

Playing Tag

Comforting Alucard

What makes Alucard go Feral

Feeding from Bunnys blood

Taking him to your home

Watching his bunny masturbate NS FW

Telling Alucard hes apart of your family

Sleeping in a coffin with him HC

Getting Alucard a gaming console 

Iscariot managing to kidnap Bunny

Finding a newly turned vampire s/o

Scaring off rivals

Trying to escape cuddling with him for your classes/work

S/o wanting revenge but not being able to take the last step

Darlings accident prone

Taking a bullet for him

Hellsing Alucard meeting Castlevania Alucard

Trying to cheer up his bunny

Platonic Headcannons

Loving Alucards voice

S/o shifting into sleep when showing him something

Darlings going to the hospital due to a mission injury 

Platonic Cuddling Headcannons

Trying to get him into a new hobby

S/o whos too shy to sing in front of him

Darling who seems dead while sleeping

S/o who cares for everything including monsters

Taking in a stray after a mission

Play fighting with him

Trying to hide him in fear people would try to experiment on him

S/o struggling to stay up all night

Pulling him off to dance

Touch starved Headcannons

S/o who fears confined spaces & cant sleep in the coffin

Narcoleptic S/o

Abridged Alucard & Normal Alucard fighting over you

Abridged Alucard Headcannons

S/o a bunny hybrid

Cockwarming Headcannons NS FW

Breeding Kink & Aphrodisiac NS FW 

S/o is a singer/dancer

Running into a tourist S/o during a mission

Being invited to a Wedding on S/os side of the family

Abridge Alucard interacting with normal Alucard

S/o is all loopy from getting their wisdom teeth removed

S/o showing favoritism towards Abridge Alucard and normal Alucard

Polar opposite S/o

Punk S/o whos only soft to him

S/o with a Zuko scar looking birthmark

MtF S/o

S/o worrying their not good enough for him

S/o whose aggressively affectionate

Wanting to wash with Alucard

Scientist S/o who loves talking about their interest

Human S/o who was experimented on and now has powers

Baskerville loves Alucards S/o

Giving him positive reinforcement 

Bunny likes to serenade him

Selectively mute S/o saying “I Love You” for the first time

Preference to the job at Hellsing S/o has

Getting caught in crossfire and being turned by a enemy vampire

Small buff s/o

Confessing to him first

College student S/o tied up in a bunch of college stress

Celebrating his Birthday

Taking him sight seeing in your home town

Taking S/o on a date to the aquarium 

“You look so cute―scared and shaking under my touch.”

“You’ve been so good for me. Don’t ruin it like this.”

Succubus S/o

S/o learning romanian 

Scary movies

Naga HC

Siren S/o

Sir Integra-

Headcannons

Seras Victoria-

Platonically obsessed with Alucards S/o

Reaction to Alucard turning his S/o (platonic)

Walter-

Headcannons

Pip Bernadotte-

Headcannons

Joker (2019):

Lovely Social Worker S/o

Headcannons

Letter from Joker

Letter from Arthur

Taking care of a Sick S/o

S/o getting arrested for spray painting 

Jujuitsu Kaisen:

Gojo-

S/o who has fun running away even if their caught

Fluffy hc

Inumaki-

Bashful and sweet darling

Sukuna-

Platonic father HC

Yujis S/o looks and acts like sukunas past lover

Child only uses their strong power when bothered

Daughter reader seeming innocent but is actually more cruel than him

Daughter reader who fears him

Mahito-

Chasing after a student s/o

Legend of Zelda (BOTW):

Sidon-

Headcannons

Breeding NS FW

S/o thats social when it comes to games

Jealous of Link

S/o has Asthma 

Crying S/o

Writing a Suicide Note TW

Blowjob NS FW

Smol aggressive S/o 

Possessive S/o

Vampire S/o

Hesitant with touch S/o

S/o fears bigger people than themselves

Monster Fucker S/o

S/o whos constantly having a mental breakdown

Chaotic Good S/o

Low self esteem S/o

Easily injured s/o

Reader who cant swim

Poly SIdon/Link with a S/o who has self harm scars TW

S/o who is in a friend group of crack heads

Muzu yelling at S/o

Comforting his S/o through a bad week

Sidon opinion on whether s/o should be forcefully pregnant or not

7 Minutes in Heaven

Ex-villain S/o

Link-

Poly SIdon/Link with a S/o who has self harm scars TW

Zelda-

Clingy S/o

Most trusted guard S/o trying to leave

Mipha-

HC

[thebibliomancer]

Dark Crystal Age of Resistance ep 8 liveblog

“Prophets Don’t Know Everything”

That’s a funny line considering that the prophecy was exactly right in the Dark Crystal movie but Aughra comes up with another prophecy in the sequel comic which is also exactly right but she doesn’t understand it herself until it starts coming true. So, yes, prophets don’t know everything. But prophecy probably does.

Just a stream of thoughts.

Hey, this is a bummer. Aftermath of spider eradication of an entire gelfling tribe is a huge bummer. I’m brave enough to say it. 

Aughra starts yelling at the spider that tried to take over her body last episode. And then helps patch it up anyway because she cares for all the creatures of Thra, even the jerks.

“It’ll leave a scar but scars are good. The mind forgets but scars remember.”

Apparently if the spider had succeeded in taking her over, its tiny brain would have exploded. Good to know!

LANDSTRIDER

Oh, its Seladon. And she’s seeing the wiped out village and going ‘serves you right you dinks’

Oh she’s trying to arrest Aughra for dunking on her. And then she’s like did your prophecies predict this?

Yes, she did. She tried to warn Maudra Fara but all Maudras are kind of dumb.

Oh, nice trick. She slipped her eye into Seladon’s pocket to spy on the castle.

“Don’t worry, Mother Aughra. I’ll convince the Lords to show mercy on you. And your treasonous pets.” Oh Seladon, you sure don’t have the right idea of your relationship with the Skeksis.

Hi SkekSil!

He’s explaining his evil plan to the science slaves with the sewed up mouths because he knows that they can’t tell on him. You’re a weird one, Sil.

Oh, he’s buying their double silence in exchange for him freeing them.

He’s going to get them to replace the General’s allotted vial of essence with a substitute so General will get weak.

The Hunter took off with Brea and Rian wants to go rescue her but Heretic is like NO GO GET THE GLAIVE YOU DUMB IDIOT

Aww Hup is injured and is out of action and so is the Archer.

Just Rian and Deet now.

The Heretic shows them a secret tunnel to the Breath of Thra. Which is something that Deet knows about.

Awwww Heretic and the Wanderer are wishing Rian and Deet luck and to not get killed. Because they want to be one one day.

... I really hope that they’re actually alive by the time of the movie and get to fuse.

So after all the discrimination that Deet has faced for being a Grotten she smugly reveals that Grottan have mean names for the other Gelfling too like Daylighter and Sky Baby. Which she reveals by teasing Rian. Okay then.

Deet: -grabs Rian and jumps down a pit-

Rian: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Deet: “Don’t do that it aggros the bats”

So the spiders just brought the Gelfling to the castle to be drained all in one batch? INstead of using them as an army to capture other Gelfling? Sure, guys, sure.

Scientist: “I have strapped countless Gelflings into these chairs. And I was equally unmoved by their screams!”

Oh the guard that sold out the other guards is getting drained too. Rewarded as a traitor deserves I see.

Scientist: “The only mercy I have to offer…. Is death!”

I have to say. The Gelflings exploding at the end of being drained. That feels like youre losing something somewhere along the process. Like waste heat but soul goo.

So Chamberlain is cut off from essence because the Emperor is mad at him. But I bet he’s going to get the General’s share on the dl. That sneaky.

Deet and Rian arrive at her home cave and WHOOPS its being attacked by spiders.

Everything is awful everywhere.

Oh geez. There’s that minor arachnophobia again.

OH GEEZ GELFLINGS BEING TAKEN OVER BY SPIDERS AGAIN

Scientist: “Keep up you lackadaisical lumps!” Good alliteration, Tek.

Scientist’s two assistants just made the swap.

So with entire villages being taken, I feel like the Skeksis are really in danger of overgrazing.

Emperor: “Look at you yelling and gorging! This essence was hard won by! Lets not drink it all at once! … JUST KIDDING DIG IN”

And another Skeksis bacchanalia.

Scroll-Keeper: “My eyes! They’re working again! I’ve forgotten how ugly you all are!”

Skeksis: -laugh uproariously-

Emperor: “.... what?”

Ritual-Keeper is going to make a new ritual for drinking essence. It will involve a lot of bathing. Just guzzling essence in the bath I guess.

Oh no, Seladon just arrived.

And the Skeksis are not responding well to her new look.

Seladon: “I’m here to ask you spare the Stonewood”

Emperor: “Uh…. no”

Seladon: “I understand but the other clans have remembered their place so surely they’ll be spared your wrath”

Emperor: “...... No”

And the Skeksis just straight up revealing that they have been draining Gelfling is what it finally takes for Seladon to realize sense-

NOPE SHE DECIDES TO KEEP OFFERING THEM TRIBUTE

Emperor: “Uhhhhhhhhhh….. No!”

And then she asked the Skeksis to spare her sisters if no one else. You can guess what the response is. Its a no and laughing.

And then they take her crown and mock her. Because nothing like insult to insult.

And then she asks for mercy and they tear her Skeksis cosplay apart and take her to be drained. Because. All of Seladon’s hopes and dreams have to be crushed. And also because we gotta get that reference to the movie in.

SkekSil is probably just glad its not him this time. Its usually him.

I’m glad Aughra is crying for Seladon because I’m not really.

She Tried and that’s about what I can say.

Also Aughra’s friend spider rescues her eye which falls out of Seladon’s pocket during the ruckus.

Back over at the caves, Deet’s home is destroyed. Her family is gone. She has two dads apparently. That’s neat but sucks that they’re drunk. 

You know what I mean.

Oh hey its Deet’s brother Bobb’n! He’s controlled by spider!

Deet is trying to negotiate with the face hugging spider.

He just starting freaking out and hissing so I don’t think its going GIANT SPIDER OH GOD

And there goes spiderbrother.

And there goes Deet after Bobb’n.

NURLOC

DARKENED NURLOC HOH SHIT

ITS TRYING TO EAT EVERYONE

Rian: “Hey! Look at me! You hungry? I’m a much tastier Gelfling!”

That’s a brave thing you just did there Rian. And I’m sure you are pretty tasty.

Oh the General is blaming the Scientist for the essence not working for him.

Except Scientist has been drinking his essence and the General hasn’t so the Scientist is the jock here and bullies General right back.

Chamberlain breaks up the fight because I’m sure he has some angle but I think its so he can laugh at both sides internally

OH HI HUNTER

Wow he makes an entrance, dragging in some chains and pincushioned by arrows.

I think…. He just dropped dead?

No, he’s alive.

But a Skeksis seeming to die makes a huge stir.

Back in the tunnels of underground and Deet is lost

OH RIAN HAS BEEN SPIDERED

DEET IS ABOUT TO BE SPIDERED

OH and Bobb’n… uh intervenes? The spiders jump off Deet and Rian.

I guess the spiders aren’t so unreasonable? Rian saved Spider-Bobb’n from the nurloc so Bobb’n spared him?

Deet: “He wants us to follow him”

Rian: “What could go wrong” Heh, wRyian.

So Scientist is Bad Bedside Manner but point being the Hunter is going to die.

The Collector assumes that the Gelflings did this and the Skeksis immediately all start losing their shit. ANY ONE OF THEM COULD BE NEXT

I can see why the Emperor is in charge because he’s the only one who’s trying to think of a way to fix things.

He commands that the Hunter be given as much essence as it takes to save him.

Gourmet: “Surely not all of it?”

Ritual-Master: -glares-

Hah.

And then theres a scrabbling in the cage and whoops theres Brea

Scroll-Keeper: “Oh look the clever princess” -throws her in jail-

Brea: “No you can’t do this!”

Scroll-Keeper: “And yet its already done”

Brea: “You’re all monsters!”

Scroll-Keeper: “Have you only just figured that out? Perhaps you are not so clever after all”

Wow the Skeksis really are thrilled to let their jerk flag fly now that they don’t have to be nice to the Gelflings anymore.

Oh cool, Brea got locked up across from Seladon.

This will let them work their shit out.

Seladon: “There was an order to the world… Everything worked… Until you and your friends broke it!”

Oh good. She’s still delusional. What does it take to get her to see reality.

Oh hi Spider-Tavra is here too. Its a family reunion.

The most awkward family reunion on Thra.

So the Scientist has poured all the stored essence down the Hunter’s throat. Well most of all. It looks like he’s spilling most of it because those long snouts kind of make it hard.

But the essence isn’t healing him. So the Emperor tells Scientist to drain more Gelfling but the Scientist tells him that there’s a limit to what essence can heal. So Emperor hauls off and hits him.

Dang everyone is so rude to the Scientist.

But he raises the point that if the Gelfling know that Skeksis can die it will mean the end of their rule. I’m not so sure about this but whatever.

Emperor: “Bathe the Hunter in essence if you must! We are immortal at any cost!”

Oh hi Aughra’s Eye. On a spider.

So, huh. Are the arathim a hivemind or what? Because Aughra’s spider seems to be working for her. And Bobb’n saving Rian and Deet. 

Bobb’n: “You save our lives, we save yours”

Oh. I guess the arathim are just super into paying back debts.

So the arathim tell Deet that they’re working for the Skeksis in exchange for the Grottan caves which used to be where the arathim lived. Which Deet is like NUH UH THE GROTTAN HAVE ALWAYS LIVED HERE

Uh oh the gelflings did a colonialism. 

And the Skeksis helped. Or did it primarily. 

The Ascendency, All Arathim as One: “Then the Skeksis came. They demand we serve them. When we refused, they drove us out and gave our caves to more willing subjects.”

So. Like I said, the arathim were ahead of the curve on rebelling against the skeksis but nobody else on Thra stood with them, because horrifying spider people, so after countless years of being considered Public Enemy Number One by everyone the arathim have decided fuck it, we WILL deal with the Skeksis if we get to go home.

This is a complicated issue so good thing that everyone is going to die so we don’t have to deal with it!

Then the Darkened Nurloc kills an arathim and the spider-gelflings start freaking out. Because what one feels the rest feel.

Which sounds like a bad basis for a hivemind.

Rian figures out that the Skeksis must have known about the Darkening being here and that they double crossed the arathim.

But it doesn’t matter because the arathim are trapped in here.

Deet decides that she can get everyone out by talking to the Sanctuary tree.

Deet: “My clan takes our names from these caves. But if you were here first, then you’re Grottan too.”

Aww…. Angry denial to camaraderie in one conversation. We could learn from Deet. Learn something.

Rian asks that the arathim free the Gelflings under their control and fight against the Skeksis with them. Maybe they can together do what the arathim couldn’t do alone!

Probably not! The movie still exists! Nothing here is going to end happily!

But the arathim free the gelfling.

Hey, if the arathim are a hivemind, do the ones in the castle know this is going on too?

Awwwwww Deet’s family is cute.

Wait, is Aughra’s spider still part of the hivemind? Do the Ascendency know everything its been doing?

Oh this is confusing.

But it returns her eye to her finally. She’s just been sitting at the village.

Okay so I guess her spider is part of the hivemind because it tells her about the alliance that just happened.

Aughra: “It’s time to make my move”

THATS A MOVIE QUOTE WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT

Oh this is just so many spiders 

I GUESS THE GELFLINGS HAVE AN ARMY NOW!

Deet: “The tide is turning! A resistance is forming!” I should hope so! Its episode 8 into the age of resistance!

Rian: “I have to find the glaive” OH SHIT I FORGOT THAT PLOT POINT WHAT WITH ALL THE SPIDERS

And Rian is like This Is Something I Have To Do On My Own

But then before he can send Deet away, the Nurlocs show up and eat the Sanctuary Tree, trapping her in Rian’s subplot.

I appreciate dunking on the this is something i have to do on my own trope as much as possible but eh getting trapped in Rian’s subplot.

Sanctuary Tree: “The Darkening is pure energy! It cannot be destroyed! Like all energy it can only be transferred!” Some physics in my fantasy. Oh and the Sanctuary Tree uhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh transfer its power to Deet but also shows her a fucked up future with the Garthim and a weird Dark Side Deet and also the movie’s end.

Anyway, tree ded.

So the nurlocs attack. Hey the nurlocs are giant worm things that the Grottan raised. And yeah they’re worms but they’re livestock. This plot is about cows infected with pure evil

Deet stops the rampaging nurloc by absorbing the evil out of it. Even considering how everything is going to end badly, I think Deet is going towards a particularly bad end =(

[sparda3g]

Kimetsu no Yaiba Chapter 146 Review

It’s one personal battle after another. One has fallen, leaving the next generation in charge, and the other one has succeeded, leaving with many regrets intact. Reality is cruel, but they must survive. This was more of a hype chapter for the next and one of the most anticipated battle yet with plenty of stakes on the line. However, it was also the conclusion that Zenitsu needed after life of struggles.

This marks the end of the battle. I’m satisfied for it was more of an emotional storytelling, rather than intense sword combat. That seems to be saved for the next one. This was about two “brothers” crossing path and have to end one life to save theirs. Zenitsu caught him by surprise with a sick technique that drained him out to move. In short, both are going to die.

I was bit surprised that it only took one decapitation for Kaigaku to die, though it is explained later, so it’s understandable. With that said it is satisfyingly depressing. While Kaigaku is slowly disintegrating, all he can think about is how Zenitsu made that technique and most importantly, telling himself he has not lost. He’s in complete delusional, but that’s the point of his character. He only think about himself and run away from any satisfaction he was given by others. He only feels better if Zenitsu dies with him to make it a draw. That’s just desperate. Sadly for him, in this series, there’s no sugarcoating; a villain will pay a price.

Yushiro appears out of nowhere to save Zenitsu; that means only Kaigaku will die. Before doing so, he approaches to Kaigaku to send him off on a cold, depressing note. He nail it hard when he tells him that it’s his fault that he couldn’t give anything to others. In other words, he never give them a hand that they will give him back; “I’ll scratch your back, you’ll scratch mine.” Because of his disconnection, his death is nothing but loneliness; that’s the true sad defeat. Damn. That last stare had me chills. He’s right though. If only Kaigaku knew better. Too late now. Die in the endless abyss of loneliness.

It’s not all depressing for the battle’s end however. The scene shifts to Zenitsu meeting with the old man in the afterlife, I assume, and it’s pretty emotional. Kaigaku is now dead, but the fact remains; Zenitsu had to kill him. He is full of guilt for unable to avoid the problem that led both of their demise. It’s sad to think he has felt this way for a long time. It’s like he cannot receive a good ending, despite acting like a child. But at last, he can forgive himself for his grandfather is proud of him. This is a touching scene and he needed it. He can grow and not be hindered by guilt. While it’s hard to determine the series’ end, his future looks bright.

That is if he can survive from the Demon Art Technique that affected his body. It is concerning to see how Zenitsu would recover from those deep wounds. Hell, it’s trying to cut open all the way to his eyes. That sounds gruesome. Yushiro disguises his actual eyes when Murata and others arrive, which explains later. Speaking of explaining, the reason why Kaigaku died easily for an Upper Moon is because he was still fresh. If he had a year of training, the story would have been a lot different. This makes sense considering how demon blood takes experience rather than become top tier strong on the spot.

I have to say, I was laughing when Murata was losing his head over Zenitsu’s health. I get that he knows him and of course, want him to live, but he cannot calm down for a moment at all. The guy is so loud, he actually drag the demons to the room they’re in. He’s definitely a good target. At least, it’s played for gag; not causing actual damages. Plus, we can get some laughs after depressing notes.

There’s an interesting detail on Yushiro. I was a bit confused on why he had to hide his demon’s eyes, especially since they’re in the same boat to take out Muzan. It turns out that the Corps still aren’t friendly to good will demons, despite the intention, hence why he has to hide. He only joined with them due to Tamayo pressing him on to help and blend in. Funny how he was so against it, yet here he is, actually calmed for once. Go figure. The last bit is the reason why others can’t sense him. He is created by Tamayo, so the sense differs from Muzan’s. That make sense. Now, here comes the exciting part.

This arc has been crazy so far and we still don’t know if this is the final arc. After two battles, what could possibly be the next one to get us hyped? How about the revenge of a lifetime! The anticipation is solid with how it shifts back to Tanjiro running, thinking that they will win the war. You can already sense something crazy is about to happen. Then a sudden destruction erupted, building up a really good tension. You know Tanjiro is next to get his battle, but you still wonder who the opponent is. It had me anxious to find out who and long behold, it’s none other Akaza, the man who killed Rengoku.

It’s the long waited reunion that I have been waiting for, and it’s not even between friends. It’s the revenge of the century. I got goosebumps just by staring at the panels with the two about to collide like all hells break loose. Hate runs deep; this will be intense. I don’t know what happened to Giyu, so it appears he was separated by the slam. In any case, this is the revenge that must be fulfilled. Do it for Rengoku, Tanjiro!

Before closing the chapter off with sheer hype, the last scene focus on the whereabouts of Muzan and it’s rather eerie. I don’t know what is exactly happening with him, but he’s now a cocoon in a sense. Is he evolving or what? What’s also bad is Tamayo is slowly being absorbed. If she’s gone, well, Gotouge knows what’s next. Not only time is running out, but apparently something else is happening. The stakes have increased and they can’t afford to kill any more time.

This was a really solid chapter with a lot of anticipation going forward. The conclusion to Zenitsu’s battle was pretty satisfying albeit with some cold elements, but a villain don’t get the happy ending. There was a nice detail on Yushiro and how he’s contributing with the Corps, even though the real problem comes from Murata. The visual is solid and helped a lot with the strong emphasis on the fated reunion of a lifetime. We’re up for a real treat next time.

[jadecringecomp]

jade, of course, is still trying to deflect rather than own up to anything at all. im too lazy for screenshots so youre going to have to deal with text for this one. you can see their post here though. and if receipts are needed they are most likely on the callout blog or you can come to me if you cant find them.

“uses their own dead grandma as leverage out of nowhere literally months after the original argument”

jade are you really that braindead. like youre still just proving my previous point. youre still practically shitting on me for it. i gave a reason as to why that night was so traumatic for me because you keep trying to make it seem “like it wasnt that bad” by your own words!

also like uh, jade. you yourself have used your aunt having cancer as a reason to just... excuse every single action youve done. so again, take that and choke.

“abuses their own bf/ex but its fine because he abused her first lolololol!!!”

jade i... honestly have no words. youre still defending a pedophile, and you even admit he abused me. like, yes, i cheated on him. but how does the fact he is a pedophilic abuser not process through your head. why are you so set on defending that. a genuine question.

“flips back and forth on whether they were actually abused or not whenever it benefits her“

theres... nowhere that even says that in the link you posted. are you posting that to still try and imply i lied about the abuse you inflicted upon me or...?

“refriends their own ‘abuser’”

ok well one jade, you still have no actual proof ive befriended broden at all. all you have is a like on a fucking post. really how braindead is it possible to be at this point.

and regarding bailey, i never called her my abuser. you were the one to do that. you said she abused me after i showed you screenshots of what went down between us. and whats worse after i even came to you and showed you the screenshots and you got involved with that mess?? you still wanna try and say what happened was fake. like you wanna call me two-faced, yet youre so quick to change your mind once you realize that person doesnt benefit you anymore. 

also! for someone whos a survivor of abuse, you sure as hell dont realize a common thing between us survivors is literally going back to those who’ve hurt them right?? like you keep bringing this up as if im fucking lying about the whole thing when im not since again, i came to you while we were friends with the proof. i can even post them if need be. and honestly it doesnt even fucking matter anymore ive broken contact with her after shortly realizing my mistake.

“denies other ppls abuse just because they doesnt like them and a few vent discord messages means they knows literally everything abt it“

i can admit to saying i denied your abuse because there is actual proof that you werent abused two years ago, not because i dont like you. do you really just think nobody will believe proof right in front of them jade??? do you think youre some perfect princess who can do no wrong???? like jade the proof is right @deeancie, @estweri, @honeykeis-callout, and even here. you really expect me to just not believe it if i didnt hate you. you honestly need some real fucking help if thats the case jade.

and really like. if you say your bf clams up when you go to him... what else am i supposed to believe. sure i can be wrong, but reading that shit can really make you wonder what is going on between you two. and jade you wanna say that like you yourself dont do that shit. remember all the times you read vague text posts and would go on a tangent as if you knew every little thing about what was going on in my life. yeah kinda what i thought.

“says grooming minors is talking to people One time“

i love how you fail to leave out the fact that these people were minors and that youre practically defending loli. so if youre still talking to these minors and since youre still defending loli, then yes youre grooming minors into thinking loli is ok.

“straight up let a minor into their porn server on discord (they can go as rabid about this as they want but they still straight up showed an actual minor graphic porn but IM a pedophile bc i rb anime sometimes lmfao)”

again its been resolved. like ive acknowledged it was wrong of me to do and ive changed it. and how can you say you just rb anime sometimes when. you literally are reblogging this kind of fuckshit. like do you not remember reblogging that obviously naked child in a collar or what. the difference is i realized my wrong and changed it while youre still rbing actual loli.

“lied about the relationship (the one where they abused each other and she cheated on him with her other abuser???) having elements of pedophilia because they lied about her age”

this is so... ive told you i forgot. the ages. i was literally an age off for the both of us. like what else do you want me to do about this.

“has sketchy as fuck ocs, including one thats physically ten who would force their adult self insert to be naked around them and also drew them being physically beaten“

while the first was true (but i dont have that oc anymore), where in the fuck did i draw them being physically beaten lole??? are you pulling this out of your ass to deflect you yourself rbing beaten children????

and i swear to god if you bring up this comic, im going to scream.

“is a stalker and an abuser. by their own logic“

ok like. a couple of things to this. jade when are you going to get it through your thick skull i didnt give a shit if you were lurking or not, it was the fact you would comment on my every move. which is stalking by the way and incredibly creepy like get a life!

and an abuser “by my own logic”. the link you shared, again, doesnt show that anywhere. also with how badly of a hypocrite you are, thats you. you told me it was abusive to call people delusional. you started doing that once i realized my wrong and stopped. you told me it was abusive. you told me making people relapse was abusive. yet once i relapse you still didnt give a shit and somehow that makes you in the clear (though i still dont give a shit we both literally did that to ourselves the point is youre an abuser too to your own logic). you said trying to gaslight people is abusive (which it is). look at the stacks of proof i have of you gaslighting me. like i could go on but all the proof if here on this blog.

“oh and dont forget they foamed at the mouth that i didnt instantly know when they changed their pronouns but has been proven to have Actually knowingly misgendered me for weeks“

jade the fact you were lurking should make it fucking obvious you should have known my pronouns. and for weeks?? jade i misgendered you in your callout, which i immediately changed once pointed out. will you please stop lying to make yourself look victim and just tell the truth for once in your life.

“also apparently i can call them rae and its not deadnaming because its not their birthname so“

oh my god youre literally fucking braindead it hurts to watch at this point. no rae isnt my deadname. but i do prefer not going my that. the whole point of that was that you tried screaming transphobia because someone called you by a previous name you went by. you fucking dumbass.

“claims to have bpd but doesnt even know what cluster b is holy shit!!!“

what do i even say to this jade?? what does the fact i didnt know what that was at first matter to me having bpd??? also are you just gonna shrug off the fact that you first claimed you got misdiagnosed with autsim, then suddenly you do? you claimed to have bipolar disorder, then later you suddenly decide you have bpd??? kind of sketchy if you ask me!

“tries to send anons under my name but forgot that their friend levi doesnt even have me blocked so why the fuck would i go on anon if i would ‘sign’ it anyway hm“

a....... are you implying i was the one to send those....? is it because you realized once you did so it backfired?? jade for someone who wanted to claim i was the one making up conspiracies, you sure make up a lot of them.

in conclusion: jade you still are just deflecting! you still havent defended any of the shit me or my friends have called you out for! the fact you still havent admitted to them or so much as even defended the claims sure does speak a lot! stop deflecting and lying and just fucking come out about it!

[evswiftie]

Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

" I don't like your little games" -When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he "had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age) -When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn't have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn't send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME. When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT. " I don't like your tilted stage " AKA an uneven playing field. When the guy who "had to" digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17. -When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn't loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me. -When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble -When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said "I dont know, I think I am" but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me. -When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day. "The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you" All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention " i don't like your perfect crime, How you laugh when you lie -When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn't even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out. "You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you"(oh!) They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" -After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can't get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime "I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined" -after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I'm reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of "cop shopping" BITCH YEA. Because I didn't get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. "I check it once, then I check it twice, oh" -Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream "no" and "rape" and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating! "Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me do" -the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a "no tolerance policy" "I don't like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)" -Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don't like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama." While I've been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside "But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma" -But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that. "And then the world moves on, but one things for sure Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours" -Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did. " I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me" -when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. " I don't trust nobody" -I turned to all the people whose ever told me " I'll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don't have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home" when I'd call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I've had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or "I'm sorry" and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I'm desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they'll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy. "I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams" -Im coming for revenge , I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I'll be in your nightmares "I'm sorry the old Erica can't come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she's dead" It's been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I'm becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself. I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I'm looking for mental health help and okay, I'm overly distracted , it's like there's this fog over my mind and I can't see or think clearly and it's affecting my every day life, I can't do well at work and when I'm in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I've found time can heal most anything. P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to... it's pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don't believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice. My parents didn't report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn't want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared..... 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can't live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it's going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out. They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said " maybe you'll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it's never to late to report it" and in that moment I felt so inspired... now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I'll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I'm gonna kick ass. P.s.s I'm sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

[rigginsstreet]

how would season 2 of riverdale look like if you were writing it? (also please don't hold back on the word count for this ask)

everyones gay. the end.

no ok i will try and go for a realistic version of what i think season 2 could have been. i mean personally i think its realistic to have all the parents be gay but whatever. (*edit from future briana. lol i aint make this shit realistic everybody G A Y) also this is probably gonna be all over the place cuz i have a lot of problems with a lot of characters story arcs so just...we’ll see what happens. also also this is obviously focusing on the parents im sure the kids will get mentioned at some point in regards to certain storylines but for the most part i dont watch them so i dont know what the fuck theyre doing unless it pertains to an adult. ok here we go (i hope you know what you asked for by saying dont hold back on word count...)

lets just get the obvious out of the way FRED AND FP WOULD HAVE SO MANY FUCKING SCENES IF I WAS RUNNING SHIT LIKE THEYD PROBABLY BECOME THE MAIN CHARACTERS SUCK A DICK ITS THE SHOW I DESERVE I DONT CARE WHAT YALL WANT

like from season 1 i had this vision of how i wanted s2 to play out

fp was gonna find out fred was shot, alice was gonna go visit him in jail about it or theyd meet up when he got out and they were gonna team up to avenge fred. thats what shouldve happened ok fight me. THE ONLY APPROPRIATE F*LICE INTERACTION

and then fp was gonna take care of fred. they were gonna work on their relationship. shit was gonna get dramatic but it was gonna be beautiful because ultimately they would realize theyre both the best friends each other ever had and they were better together than apart. 

and thats how the whole black hood thing would be dealt with and we never had to hear about it again

and then with the introduction of hiram and everything going down with the lodges buying freds company + fps dealings with hiram and hermione in the past and the bad blood there that was just...completely dropped... fred and fp were gonna come up with this master plan to screw over hiram and get the company back and then theyd go back to working construction together and happy days would be on the horizon. 

with that being said.... hiram and hermiones storyline this season is honestly the only interesting worthwhile thing. im not mad at it

im a little mad at archie joining the mafia like for one, anyone who knows anything about mob culture, you dont let outsiders in. and if you do, its not that fucking easy. its like “run some errands for me let me put you through some tests. ok youre family” no. i mean i get we’re on the cw but this was really the ...not even pg13 this was some g rated mob shit on archies part but whatever

lets hop on over to the coopers

i called from the beginning that chic was gonna be up to some bullshit and the narrative thats going right now with hal being painted as the bad guy and running off to penelope and alice running into fps arms is absolute utter Garbage™

what SHOULDVE happened (and granted the story is still playing out but lochlyns got a new show and thats very sus to me so... im expecting the worst) is chic comes in all innocent at first and maybe hals still put off, reasonably so, but this clearly means a lot to alice so he sticks it out. and as chic lets his freak out and the family has to deal with this, they grow closer and become more bonded and alice and hal become stronger as a couple and when all is said and done they eventually decide to go to couples counseling or family counseling and everybody works out their bullshit and they all start their journey to becoming a stable fucking family unit

ok now penelope. she’s another one that im actually for the most part enjoying her story but this whole hal business?? unrealistic

what they needed to do was just let her have her ho business and live her life

and also tell cheryl to stop running her mouth

like i really dont need them to have a great relationship personally like fine if they did whatever but cheryl kinda annoys me so penelope telling her whats up is no skin off my back

oh and this whole homophobic business? NOT IN MY SEASON 2

or if they really wanted to keep this contrived ass heather story to give cheryl some depth or whatever, then the least that could happen is it be revealed that penelope is gay herself and was scorned by an ex lover (alice) and was taking it out on her daughter

and then that could come to light and they talk about it and penelope eventually accepts she’s gay and she can be open about it now and she goes on to get herself a beautiful rich powerful girlfriend and my girl pen is set bitch !!! (i will also only accept alice and hal breaking up if alice too comes out and ends up with penelope)

somebody was coming out of my version of s2 gay i mean listen i could also write you a thing about how fp and fred could still get together ...

YOU KNOW WHAT LETS FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW FP AND FRED COULD GET TOGETHER WHY THE FUCK NOT ITS MY SEASON 2 IMMA DO WHAT I WANT  ITS 20GAYTEEN

fps been spending all this time around fred nursing him back to health after the shooting

and theyve been able to work out all their unresolved bullshit

plus them teaming up to take hiram down

theyve been spending many a cold winter night together

old flames are rekindling 

they both notice they each keep finding little reasons to touch one another

theyre stealing glances when they think the other one isnt paying attention

they start to notice how fucking happy theyve been together theyve both become so playful and intimate with one another

theyre at pops one night having milkshakes

fred has whipped cream on his face

fps trying to tell him where but fred keeps missing it

theyre both laughing

fp reaches over and swipes his thumb softly over the corner of freds mouth

their laughter starts to die down as they both realize theres still this spark of electricity between them

its been sitting there under the surface this whole time waiting to blow up

next thing they know fps leaning over the table to kiss fred 

its soft and sweet and gentle but filled with such passion and urning its been so long since anyones touched them like this and god all the memories of their secret high school hookups come flooding back its like no time at all has passed they just fit together so well

ANYWAY now that fps with fred and this whole north v south thing is going on its creating a whole bunch of tension and like imagine all the drama that would come from the leader of the serpents dating riverdale mayor fred andrews oh my god ??? sign me the absolute fuck up where is THAT iconic storyline

speaking of fred

where the fuck is that pill addiction huh??? we gotta throw that in for drama ok i NEED. IT.

and then mary gets called into town and fp mary and archie are coming together to get fred through this. holding a fucking INTERVENTION ??? 

alice can show up too why not

bring hal

hermione maybe? like i know in her heart she probably cares but maybe dont have your ex gf who is also a mob boss show up at your intervention....

although that would make for a good fp x hermione showdown

hermiones invited

what else do we need....

i need alice and hermione

i dont know in what capacity i just know i need it

we definitely need a moms night out episode which would be hilarious because it just ends with alice and penelope making out and hermione and mary making out and sierra is facetiming tom like “please come pick me up”

speaking of sierra i dont mind this storyline with tom i just wish we could..actually see it...

OH I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT HOW DARE I! I NEED FP RAISING HIS SERPENT KIDS !!!! AND MY S2 INCLUDES JOAQUIN OK I MISS HIM JUST GIVE ME FP TRYING TO HERD JOAQUIN AND FANGS AND TONI AND SWEET PEA AND I GUESS JUGHEAD CAN COME ALONG TOO SINCE HES ACTUALLY FPS SON... WHATEVER

god i just want fp and fred having date night down at the whyte wyrm and tonis pestering them about sharing stories from high school and how they fell in love and she wants to hear all the hot gossip and jugheads like “no gross i dont want to hear this”but joaquin an fangs and sweet pea are ENTHRALLED like they wanna hear everything too they wanna know about all the stupid shit fred and fp used to do to land in detention

OH OH AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A WHOLE THING WITH PENELOPE AND CHERYL HAVING A HEART TO HEART ABOUT PENELOPE BEING IN LOVE WITH ALICE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WE GET PARALLELS OF THEM AND CHONI

i told yall this shit was gonna be all over the place

hell maybe even gladys played by neve campbell would show up at one point so fp can see his fucking daughter thatd be neat

and gladys and fp decide to end things for good and go through with the divorce but its amicable and theyre friends. she could move back to riverdale but then im thinking of jellybean having to be taken out of school... so maybe they stay in toledo but gladys and fp come up with a plan for holidays and summer vacation and its all just very pleasant ok. 

if we want to go with the tragic heterosexual version of riverdale, i fully support gladys and fp getting back together btw its what god wants

but so long as we’re living in my lala fantasy land.... fp ends up with fred and gladys and fp call truce

alice and fp would be F R I E N D S

no ones hiding no dead bodies

no ones making weird inappropriate comments about leaving spouses

alice is not going serpent!alice on everyone

no

gross

get out of my face

theyre friends and they banter a lot but theres still a deep PLATONIC love there for each other

ok i think i covered everything i wanted.....

am i delusional?

maybe

but is my version more fun?

absolutely

[i-am-the-floor-goblin]

long one under the cut bois

So, Here’s the thing. I’ve had chronic pain for.... what? um. officially? a year and a half. Unofficially?... 5 years? Honestly? Probably since I was like 7 or someshit. When I was younger I used to struggle to sleep because of the pain in my knees. But no one really made a big deal about it so... I figured it was normal. And then my back started to really hurt... but I was also suicidal at the time so.. my doctor was very dismissive of anything but that. Even this crippling pain in my stomach that led me to drop out of school. So I figured it was normal.. And then for a couple of years I would try again sporadically and get generic “do more exercise and lose weight shit” to, and i shit you not, the girl with a fucking eating disorder. So, I didn’t go to the doctors again for a long, long time. probably about 4 years? Until my childhood friend was found dead in her dorm room. That triggered a depression and anxiety so profound it was the first time I ever agreed to go on antidepressants.  The first doctor I saw was an actual angel. He genuinely cared. I went back again I think a few months later? And she just threw meds at me. So many infact I still have some of them left a good 3 years later. So, naturally;  I didn’t go back. Flash forward to February 2019. My left knee was fucked. I could. Not. Walk. it hurt so badly all the time. Saw a paramedic at my surgery who legit gasped when he checked the mobility of my knee (this part of the story is important for later). It bent back so far he was legit just like “oh no”. So he gave me the good cush pain killers and a referral to a physio. My physio referral got lost. So I gave up. Until: August. I’m doing the dishes when a blinding pain shoots through my wrist. I could not move it, could not move my fingers without hot burning pain in my wrist. Could not even breathe. So, I went to the doctor because thats what you do when you’re in pain right? Dude didn’t even look at me. Asked me to put my hand flat on his desk. I couldn’t. So, he sent me to get blood tests for arthritis. While all this is going on mind, I was trying to ask my company to step down from a supervisor back to barista because I kept ‘hurting’ my shoulders while cashing up and the strain of carrying £800 in change every day back and forth from the safe to the office to cash up was killing my back and knees. Just keep that in mind. Blood tests came back.. Absolutely fine. The doctor who sees me cannot understand why that statement makes me cry. She was ready to send me on my merry way. So, with no explanation of what they are or what they’re for, she threw meds at me. I didn’t take them. Things get so bad and my pain is so extreme that I’m seriously starting to give up. Then, I remember the nice doctor from years ago. So I ask specifically to see him. God it was like a different dimension. He was like “oh that sounds like you’re subluxating your joints” and explained what the meds from the other lady were for and just really validated my feelings. Made me feel less crazy. Because sometimes you do feel crazy. I got re-referred to physio. After I casually wrote an incident report at work which is read by HR and my area manager, I amazingly went from being told there’s “just no way for me to step down” to demoted in about... a week? Physio goes really well. She was so lovely. I went every 2 to 3 weeks. I built up muscle really well. Learned that the way I hold myself will help keep my joints in place. It was a really validating experience. Both because she could recognize how fucked up my joints were and how gentle the exercises had to be to prevent me from just, breaking. And also because every time she’d tell me she could tell how hard I was working. That I really was trying and doing it.

Enter Covid.

so of course physio got canceled.

And the months go by. lockdown was fine. my hips subluxed during. so I had a few weeks of not really being very mobile, which was pretty scary since I live alone. But heyho. And then back to work. my body threw an almighty tantrum. I dislocated my big toe for one thing. But I didn’t work out that was what it was until after a “phone consultation” with the meanest physio ever. She basically told me I was delusional and to stop wasting her time. All because I told her “I think I may have subluxed my toe”. which probably would have gone over fine if it weren’t for the fact, I hadn’t had any kind of trauma to the area. I was in work, and one second I could stand and the next second? I could not put any weight on my right foot for fear of blinding pain. Sounds... uhhh familiar right? So I just... bought comfier work shoes and bandaged my foot as tight as I could.. and managed. I did end up calling the doctors again about 2 months later when the pain just. would. not. ease up. I still cant wear shoes that dont have really soft soles. So, I had more blood tests... that came back... FINE! BUT, Thats okay! Because the big appointment has finally arrived! The one my good doctor and my physio both told me would be the answer to all my prayers. Finally. I was going to a Rheumatologist! So my brother picked me up. Off we went to the hospital. I had to go in alone, because, you know.. covid. And I finally after a year of being on this waiting list, get called into the doctors office. At first it seems to be going okay. He’s taking notes, listening to my “story” (his words not mine). so then came the physical examination... where he made some bold claims. and then it was over. He sat me back down in his office and told me. “you dont have hypermobile joints, and theres nothing wrong with you”. Right? So, when I didn’t leave his office. He then backtracked and tried to throw “Chronic pain syndrome” at me. Bitch. Thats a fucking symptom not the cause. So, I still didn’t leave. So, this man deadass asks me what I think it is then. And so I was like “I dont know crazily thats why im here?????????????????” And he told me to go on GET THIS hypermobility forums online!!!!!!!!!!!!!! amd see what people on there recommend to help with pain and shit. He THEN asked me if I think I have fibromyalgia. Fam. Again. You are the doctor. I am a very sad 24 year old. And that was that. Bye. Peace out. Come back if you get any real symptoms. (No really he told me I was free to come back if I developed anything he could actually help with) So I walked out of his office. Back to the carpark where my brother was waiting. and then I cried. I cried so fucking hard man. it’s been 3 weeks and 3 days since that fucking day. I’ve stopped taking my meds. I dont eat. I haven’t had work this week so I haven’t left the house. Not once. I can’t even cry anymore. I’ve been depressed before and I’ve been suicidal before. But that was always grief fueled. Anxiety filled. This one hits different. I realized during lockdown I was depressed again. You know. The world is having a hard time atm. Throw in any extra struggles and its ripe for the old brain sads. But I am struggling to think of a time when I was ever this bad. Like. I am actually afraid of how unwell I am at the moment. And how unseriously my friends are taking it? And it hurts you know? Because a colleague of mine is having a hard time and my best friend is there for her... but not for me... and its just fucking with me even more because I for the first time in my god damn life. In the 13 years I’ve been depressed I reached out. I actually told the people who are supposed to care about me “Hey, im really not great atm” and they did exactly what I always knew they would. nothing. Thats not to say though, that my brother is like that. He is my ray of light. The only family I have. God. I would be so lost without him. But I just dont know what to do. I dont want to talk to some stranger over video call for “therapy” and I dont know if I’d be able to tell a doctor what’s wrong over the phone...and I am just so fucking lost. Covid is making this all so much harder. I just dont know what to do. I feel so lost. I needed to write this out though. Writing helps me clear my head.