#this is literally the first thing i did upon getting home to wifi

[theflann]

When was the last time that you woke up and actually felt awake and rested for more than half of the day? I'm asking for... Ehm... Research?

Yeah, let's say research (╸w╺)

okay so i have a LONG history with sleep issues lol, but the last time i woke up and felt rested at all was.... i don't think ever? OH WAIT! whenever i go to the woods and go camping, the adrenaline of unfamiliarity gets me up and going in the morning!

after that my energy comes and goes in waves. this morning i felt great and was running around cleaning, now im debating taking a nap cuz im so tired my head hurts, give me an hour to find something to stimulate my brain and i'll be bouncing off walls again!

its the adhd tbh

[socratesvisitsarcadia]

Return to Arcadia

They arrived in Arcadia as the sun peeked on the horizon, the bus dropped them and their belongings off as well as any public transport before heading off further into the city. The city had gone through many changes in the centuries they were gone, now there are buildings made of concrete, pavements and most importantly, although not unexpected, electricity. 

It had been 300 years since they were last in the area, many things had changed, yet the air around and the energy flowing was the same. 

“Hello there!” A familiar voice came, making both of the sisters turn. “I hope the travel wasn't all bad!”

With smiles and chuckles, the sisters brought their younger brother into a group hug. 

Avaluna spoke up first, looking the youngest in the eyes, “It's so good to see you Douxie! I hope life on your own is also doing good for you!”

“Oh I'm doing good yeah! Helping folks find the book they need by day, capturing hellhounds at night, the usual! Nothing you have never dealt with I bet!” The bags under his eyes showed the sisters the tool he didn't share, yet, they didn't pry. He was right, after so many years they hardly feel difficulty wrestling the supernatural. “Come on! I’ll give you a tour while we walk to the shop!”

Neither sister complained, following and picking up a conversation with their little brother as they went, admiring the state of the town and reminiscing about the old infrastructure. The youngest did a great job at pointing out the best, and not so best, of Arcadia Oaks these days. Also made sure to point out familiar places that stood through the ages, with minor changes in functionality.

A coffee shop, last time it was an apothecary. 

A gym where there used to be a sheriff's hall.

But one of the main things that stayed, was the beloved library building. It went through its changes, all according to the change of time, but at its core, it was still the same. The front of the building was litered with books, modern ones, some with paper and hardcovers with illustrations of the story inside. There was a coffee vending machine, with a sign of “out of order” as well as several antique objects displayed in cases, some had a price tag on them, others labeled “not for sale”. Avaluna couldn’t help but giggle at some of them, a passionate reader herself, seeing the covers like that never ceased to amaze her. She does admit, it was nice to be able to have a peek at the story without opening the book, and it was done well enough to preserve the suspense.

“Ava! Come on!” Suniva brought her back to reality, giggling as she pulled the book from her hands. “We can get some of these for you hoard later.” 

Once through the threshold to the back of the building, Avaluna instantly took a deep breath, taking in the old textbooks, filled with magic knowledge and character, bringing back so many memories. With her wings open, she scanned all the literature she brought from home, each one perfectly preserved with a seal. The yellow pages were all intact, the ink perfectly vivid. 

Suniva was right behind, instantly moving to examine the modern technologies that had been installed. The chandelier was completely new, now with much safer electric lamps. Wifi routers, a nice computer and even a gaming console. Once her eyes laid upon it, she couldn’t help gasping in cheerful surprise at a cartridge by the gaming setup. 

“Little bro! You played Ragnarog Revenge and didn’t tell me!?” She was excited about the game. 

“It just got here today!! I haven’t touched it yet!” The youngest defended himself, using magic to move the luggage of his sisters to the guest bedroom. 

The smell of warm tea soon overtook the place, a feline figure soon came into view, fixing his glasses nonchalantly. “Avaluna, Suniva, do you rather chamomile or perhaps you’d enjoy some lavender tea?” 

“Awww Archie! You didn’t have to! You know our tastes too well!” Avaluna replied, moving to scratch the boy’s familiar under the chin. “Thank you for watching Douxie for us, old friend!”

The kitten purred, leaning on her hand for a good minute or two before turning his back and guiding the oldest sister to the kitchen, where three mugs waited for them. 

She took them and returned to the living room, her sister had already put the fireplace to work, Douxie had some Chinese takeout at the ready and some soft Celtic music was playing in the background. Cheering with their mugs, they started eating, now talking about the women’s home.

“Oh, don’t get me started! I put Nyx to be in charge of the house, so the forest goons won’t try anything while we’re gone.” Avaluna said, mixing her takeout before slurping a chunk of the noodles. 

“Yeah they can be quite annoying. But honestly, it’s not a biggie! Tata is making sure they don’t get in trouble!” Suniva added confidently. “But yeah, everything’s okay! The southern trolls are nice, they just took a minute to adjust.” 

Archie hopped on over, curling by Douxie. “Well, it is nice to have both of you back. The wizards here in Arcadia aren’t… Too nice so to speak!” 

“Well, that’s an outright shame! Us wizards gotta stay together!” 

“Yeah, but I can’t blame them for being cranky! No one likes net work.” 

“Still! There are responsibilities to be upheld when you dabble with magic! Your hair is a proof of it!” Avaluna joked, poking her sister’s cheek. 

Suniva pouted and poked back, “Oh, just cause I wanted a new hairdo! And if I remember correctly, YOU were the one who gave me faulty materials!”

“Oh, but you could have waited for me like I told you to do!” 

All laughed, truly, Suniva’s bright fiery red curls were not the intended outcome, but her umber brown skin matched it nonetheless, even highlighting the girl’s bright hazel eyes, together with the youngest’s fiery personality. Even her sister died her hair in support, the once black falls that made Avaluna’s hair now had bright blue shines to it, framing her khaki silver skin and black eyes accordingly. Hisardoux was far too well known in this story, so he entertained both of them while slurping his noodles. 

“So? How long are you both staying?”

“Well, we don’t exactly know. After all, training the new trollhunter is always a new experience. But we will absolutely have time to unwind and catch up on the past 150 years!” Avaluna smiled, sipping from the mug. “Mmh… Archie, your lavender tea is still one of the best I’ve had.” 

“That is quite the honor, Lady Avaluna!” The familiar cheered. “If you wish, I could pass the recipe to Nyx! I am sure the items are easy to find in Brazil.”

“I am certain that they would be thankful.” 

Their conversation continued, for a few hours, moving activities from chatting while eating to competing in card and video games. It was a good day, a nice day. 

It didn’t feel like a long time since they last saw each other, yes, a century and a half is a long time for most, but it’s not so much when you’ve lived longer than that. The age gap between both sisters and Hisirdoux was great, with almost two centuries between them. All ended up with the same immortality, all in different stages of life, all with ample time to live. Eternal life wasn’t as bad when you had trusted company.

Night fell fast, as Douxie went to bed, the sisters went out.

[jq37]

Twice Upon a Time - Neverafter Eps 4+5

Once Upon a Time and Down Came the Rain

Hey Y’all!

Happy New Year!

As I noted in a post about a week ago, I was home for the holidays with very little access to wifi so I missed a week–a very lore heavy and trippy week–and I am butting up against the drop of a new episode so, as promised at the start of this batch of recaps, I’m gonna do my best to catch us up without burning myself out and hopefully we’ll be back to normal recaps next episode.

So, first up, let’s quickly run through what everyone went through during their resurrections in episode 4: Once Upon a Time.

Pinocchio has perhaps the most harrowing time. After a quick chat with his ghost cricket conscience (bc in the OG tale, he straight up murders him, as one does) he is summoned by his very disappointed “mother”. When he sees her, there is a crack of light in the doorway from where he stole the doorknob but he caves and tells her that he found her house and gives her all the loot he took (knob, photo, knife). He’s really worried about his dad and even MORE worried when the stepmother uses Geppetto's blood to give him more power so maybe he’ll do better protecting Roz this time around (she seems to be on a diff plane with Gepetto, making Gepetto her only source of blood). Pinocchio is now a little more fucked up and he has a crow familiar that he’s not very fond of. Then he’s sent back to life but not *his* life. His stepmother throws him into a different version of the Neverafter (a darker one, which is the running theme of these resurrections) and he fully takes the place of the Pinocchio in this world. Yikes!

Puss in Boots gets a very meta sequence where he meets up with two other tricksters–Fox and Rabbit. They seem to be, in a very literal sense, the archetypal trickers you see in stories like Brer Rabbit or the Fox in Pinocchio (and it’s implied that in other versions of Pinocchio–Puss or really “Cat” is also the cat that leads Pinocchio astray with the Fox). At one point the Rabbit says “We have to work together for the rest of storytelling,” which is super meta. The Fox thinks he’s gotten a little too deep in his attachments to the people he’s messing with (which is maybe proven a bit true when he shows he’s still protective over Tomas) while the Rabbit seems a bit more on his side. Before he’s sent back, he gets some new gear (including wolf tooth daggers called “The Fangs of Isengrim”) and also sees a giant spider web which screams Anansi to me (especially now that I’ve seen ep 5 and know how many cultures Brennan is pulling from here).

Roz gets my fave sequence in which she meets Cinderella (Lou Voice: Another secret Black woman?) who gives this wild info dump. Basically, she says that because of the nature of the Neverafter, princesses tend to have special abilities–most relevant here, the ability to live more “once upon a times” than other people. Cindy and Snow have been looking for Roz for a while and it’s been hard because she spends 100 years of her story asleep and it’s hard to find a window to get to her. Cindy says that the Neverafter began when the Times of Shadow did and the powers that be don’t necessarily like this crossover thing that’s happening. She says that as she died over and over she began to become aware of her past lives and she realized that someone–namely the fairies–had been bending events so that things would always go a certain way. For instance, her mother would always die. So, she’s team free will. Roz is a little naive to all this talk, still hoping for a prince and a happily ever after (with Cindy very endearingly trying to be patient with her) when Roz (with a nat 20 Insight) starts getting flashes of her past lives–good and bad–and it all starts to click with her. Cindy tells her that she should meet up back with her friends. She says that witches can be helpful but she thinks in the end they’ll side with the fairies. She also tells her to look for a dancing mute girl near a beach (the Little Mermaid I’m sure) if she can. Oh and she also warns Roz that there are MANY Once Upon a Times but not UNLIMITED ones and they’re running out. She leaves Roz with some encouraging words about love being real even if their lives have been manipulated and then Roz wakes up covered in briars again. But, this time, she’s way more skilled because she got 7 fairy gifts in this version instead of 3 and she busts her way out via a combo of brute strength and calling swarms of animals to do her bidding. 

Red awakens in a nice sunny forest with the Wolf and we learn that apparently, the Wolf told her to kill him before she got her curse, which is interesting. Anyway, the Wolf seems to be just like, an honestly kind of chill representation of The End. Like, he’s not killing you cause he hates you. He’s killing you cause It’s Your Time. He takes Red to a crossroads and to one path is a story where the woodsman comes and kills the wolf and it’s happier for her (though, she’d still be her in her current state it seems) and to the other path is an even more fucked up version of the story. It’s very Red Pill, Blue Bill. She asks to speak with her Grandma to help decide and the wolf leaves and her Grandma appears. With her Grandma there, she attempts to make a break for it, but when her Grandma starts down the darker path, Red notices her ears are a bit too long and suspects she’s being manipulated by the wolf. This doesn’t seem to quite be the case though. It’s like her Grandma just also has a bit of wolf in her. Or maybe they’re kind of the same person? It’s very trippy. Anyway, her Grandma tells her that her real friends will see the wolf in her and still love her and that she’s not a monster. Red chooses the darker path, of course, and finds herself at the edge of the cliff with a forest below. The Wolf is there again and begins violently dying–he has to die for Red’s story to start (a more violent version of the story btw, where she kills the woodsman which is not great for her psyche lemme tell you). Before he dies, he helps buff Red a bit and also says that there is something/one else connected to him in this version of the story (implied to be the 3 Little Pigs because Red hears snorting and also the Wolf is getting burned, like he does at the end of that story). Red demands answers from whoever is doing this and she wakes up in Pottingham in a stronger version of her body.

Gerrard wakes up floating in water with the shard still stuck in chest cause the narrative hates him. He is found by Turquina (aka the Fairy with the Turquoise hair, aka the fairy that brought Pinocchio to life). He fails horribly to pull it out (Nat 1) and Turq tells him to be careful, treating him with lots of princely deference. She is very helpful on the surface but seems to demonstrate what Cindy was saying about fairies being very manipulative of their narratives. She’s all, “It’s a good thing you were frogged the FIRST time but the SECOND time it shouldn’t have happened, that’s off script and we need to get it right”. Ger is basically on board–except for when she mentions changing Elody back. Then he’s like, “The problem isn’t Elody, the problem is everything else.” Also, when he offhandedly mentions Tim’s book, she seems a bit too eager to know more and he tries to cover it up. Anyway, Turq says the fairies are working really hard to put things right and she needs his shard but she can’t actually touch it so she needs him to take it out then leave it in a moonlit glade and a fairy will come pick it up. Also, she needs to bring him back to life but he’ll come back kinda more fucked up. But that’s OK! she says. It just needs to get worse before it gets better. Turq also says that they need to be careful because Roz may have been in contact with some troublemakers (aka Cindy and co). She says that if Ger helps her with this, the fairies will make helping him and Elody their top priority. He then wakes up in a darker world in a more froglike body with memories of Elody on a totally bloodied horse on the battlefield and knowledge that in this version of the story, instead of kissing him to turn him back to prince, Elody threw his froggy body against a wall. Fairy tales are wild y’all. And the shard is STILL in him because, again, the narrative hates him.

Finally, we come to Tim who is riding on the back of a kind golden goose. She’s strikingly similar to the gander, but…you know..not horrific. She tells him that he’s kind of like her brother and the yin to her yang. She can’t be where he is and visa versa. Good things follow her and bad things follow him. Tim still has his book as everyone else had their key items. The Goose tells him a bunch of info including that some fairies, all witches, and some princesses know what’s going on here. And I’m gonna break out the bullets here just so we can finish off these flashbacks:

The Goose says that the people in the book are happy but it’s not like a permanent solution. 

In the world they’re going to, Jack isn’t his son. It is also the version where Jack does the beanstalk and giant killing thing. 

The book is connected to the Goose and has more power than he can imagine.

Things can be brought out of the book.

Jack has way more stories than most people.

(Question: If Tim had no Jack in this version, I wonder what his first wish was.)

Once their conversation is done, Tim is dropped into his new story. He sees an illustration in his book of 8 fairies, and he knows all his friends are in this world.

Oh, and we never learn about what the red gems are about! Hate that! 

And that’s the quick and dirty rundown of this ep. An important thing I wanna make clear in case it wasn’t. Every character except for Pinocchio is now running around with two sets of memories. Their past life and their new one. Got it? Cool. So now we can jump into episode 5: Down Came the Rain.

This is mostly a setup ep, so we’re gonna do bullet points again.

Everyone meets up in their new forms at a tavern called The Cock and Toad. 

Roz is now followed around by a bunch of woodland creatures in a cloak as her body guard. 

Red’s breath is a lot more big and bad now (she took 2 levels of druid because, as I always say, Emily NEEDS spell slots or she will DIE). 

When Ger comes in, Red takes out the shard with a Nat 20.

Oh, also, everyone is level 3 now!

Everyone kind of catches each other up about what they saw in their visions more or less. Ger is a little cagey about Turq telling him to give her the shard but he’s too sweaty to hide his lie by omission for long and everyone is like nah we gotta put the shard in the book.

When Pinnochio describes the fairy that visited him when he had to lie–the shadowy one–Roz realizes it sounds a lot like the fairy who cursed her. Fairy overlap! I knew it!

Also there is a talking and very sad dish here w/ relationship drama (as in The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon) because this is Brennan and he can’t resist making something very silly very serious. 

Tim gets the Dish to tell him his whole sob story in a corner of the bar and he disappears into the book in motes of golden light. In his book, the words “The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon” appear. Tim also feels like he’s reached the limit of what he can do with the book without giving it the shard. 

At the same time, Pib is outside. One of the items he got from the tricksters is a spider ring that can lead him to any spider. It leads him outside to the Itsy Bitsy Spider. When he helps the little guy out, the spider tells him about a spider queen in the heart of the Lullaby Lands who is martialing her forces and cooking up some kind of dark spell that might be causing the lousy weather. She also seems connected to the gander. Also, he mentions she has magical artifacts (which seems significant considering their quest).

(There’s a mention of Hamelin which means the Pied Piper is liable to make an appearance). 

Speaking of artifacts, everyone gathers in the barn near the tavern to get some privacy to put the shard in the book. 

Roz finds some bear scat in the barn and it’s implied it might be from one of the Goldilocks bears. 

The cow that jumped over the moon is also in this barn because sure. 

Tim puts the shard into the book and the whole Cinderella story appears. Strangely, after the traditional end of the story, there are a couple of blank pages and then a picture of the shard. It’s like something more happened in the story that the book isn’t showing the text for but is showing the image (presumably where she stabs her fairy god mom). It’s also weird because it’s like the safe book is censoring the gruesome true end of the story but the carving of toes and stuff is still fully in there. 

OK, so remember when they were told that once the book had the first thing it needed, they’d have allies? Well here we are at a VERY cool plot twist.

Tim hears scratching in the book like someone else is writing in it and sees the writing of someone who is trapped in a cave and seems to have their own book which they are trying to use to communicate. 

Tim is able to write back to them and realizes that it’s Scheherazade from 1001 Nights!

If you’ve never heard of her, Scher is part of the frame story of the Arabic fairy tale collection 1001 Nights. She basically tells these stories to a king night after night to keep from being killed and at the end they get married. This story collection is where famous Arabic stories like Sinbad and Aladdin come from. I was SO pumped to get to this revelation because it’s so fun and meta. 

Anyway, back to the actual story. 

They exchange names and Scher (who doesn’t recognize Tim and vice versa) says she is trapped in a cave with some friends who include Sinbad (great fighter, annoying companion). They were supposed to meet a guardian who isn’t there. She seems to be in a similar situation to Tim where she’s in a world where things have gone wrong and she recently realized things about the true nature of the world. 

But when Tim asks where she is, plot twist #2! She doesn’t know what the Neverafter is. She’s in a land called The Endless Nights. 

This is ALSO super cool! Ever After to Neverfter and 1001 Nights to Endless Nights? Gosh, Brennan is really doing the coolest things with this narrative this season. This is really healing all my Once Upon a Time trauma AND my multiverse burnout at the same time.

Scher and Tim send each other images of what they look like (Tim’s is super buff because of Ally shenanigans) and Scher is like cool, we can send each other magic. She also sends a pic of the guardian that was supposed to be at the cave and it’s like a stone spider glyph. Pib is like, “Oh, hey I might have some info here,” and fills them in on his spider side quest.

Scher says she’d really appreciate the help and will help them as well once she’s out of the cave. She even mentions wishes and I love me a genie in the mix. Oh and she mentions there’s a dude named Aesop who also might have a book! (Aesop as in Aesop’s fables. Think Tortoise and the Hare and City Mouse/Country Mouse).

Before they head back, Tim (aided by Roz’s Speak with Animals) gets the cow’s life story and he goes into the book. Still no picture but the words “the cow jumped over the moon” appear in the appropriate spot. 

En route, Red gets some Goodberries for everyone. Smart move since they’re heading towards a fight. Each is one HP.

Point of Order–Jubilee doesn’t exist in this version of the Neverafter which is concerning to me. Is the map just gonna keep getting smaller each time they die/fail or is it replaced with something else? Also, even though Jubilee doesn’t exist here, Cole (and Senator the ram) are still in the book.

They reach a crossroads and realize that they’re going to Tuffeton. (Tuffeton as in “Little miss Muffet she sat on her tuffet, eating her curds eating and whey Along came a spider who sat down beside her And frightened miss Muffet away.”)

Crow scouts ahead and sees a grim village with this huge hill. And at the base of the hill is a mine entrance with cobwebs.

Note: Via Cole in the book, Tim can always have Lesser Restoration Prepped. He does so when Pib is the only one to fail a Con check from traveling in the rain and Brennan says it prevents him from getting a red gem (but it wouldn’t have helped after the fact)

They follow Pib’s ring to the center of the mine.

As they’re traveling in the dark, Ylfa inadvertently mentally connects to the mind of a tusked boar. She feels fire and asks if he killed the Big Bad Wolf. The board says, “Friend.” A tear runs down his cheek. He says, “I am trying to–” then she loses the connection. Hmmmm.

This is a little out of order but Tim messages Scher again and she says that (1) the spider guardian she mentioned is someone she was supposed to talk to not fight so I’m wondering if actually is the same spider they’re presumably going to have to fight or maybe more of a good guy spider like Anansi or maybe a spider I’ve never heard of because I’m not as familiar with 1001 Nights. She also says that (2) in the cave she’s in there was a tapestry of a princess with a golden mace which sounds like Elody. That’s interesting because it sounds like multiverse bleedthrough. 

They find a massive spider web in this mine but between Pib’s feline grace and roguish tricks, Red being shapeshifted into a spider, Crow being shapeshifted into a spider, and everyone else being very very careful, they are able to navigate to the center without getting caught! They have the advantage going into the next fight! Let’s hope they can keep it this time because it seems like every time they die, things are gonna get much worse. 

[neitherlightnordark]

METTATON: A SINGULAR SPOTLIGHT.

METTATON: THE ROOM IS DIM. THE AIR IS NASCENT. EYES REST ON THE STAGE IN ANTICIPATION- CAN YOU FEEL IT? TASTE IT?

METTATON: THE PINK, THE BLUE, RISING HIGH IN THE AIR?

METTATON: THE HYPE, THE LOVE?

METTATON: IT'S ALL FOR ONE PERSON.

METTATON: ONE WONNNNDERFUL GENIUS LIZARD MONSTER.

METTATON: MONSTERS OF ALL AGES, WITH ALL THE GLEE I HAVE EVER CONTAINED, I PRESENT TO YOU:

METTATON: THE GREAT

METTATON: ILLUSTRIOUS

METTATON: SUPERB

ALPHYS: [snort]

METTATON: ALLLLLLLLPHYS!!!

[Canned applause.]

ALPHYS: T-thank you!

METTATON: REFRESHMENTS ARE PROVIDED IN THE SHAPE OF HER DISTINCTIVE FACE!

ALPHYS: Mettaton, let's-

METTATON: CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF HER WAVING ARE SCATTERED ABOUT STRATEGICALLY, FOR OPTIMUM PHOTO OPS!

ALPHYS: Mettaton!!

METTATON: HER SAYING MY NAME MAKES ME REALLY, REALLY HAPPY, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THAT, BUT-

ALPHYS: Mettaton, heh- oh, geez, I didn't even get to introduce you properly-

ALPHYS: Okay, come on, s-sit down!

ALPHYS: And turn on the lights! I- I can barely see our notes this way.

METTATON: WAS THAT A GOOD INTRO?

ALPHYS: (Shh, shh, we're live!!)

ALPHYS: Uh, I mean, yes! Um, that was really good!

ALPHYS: Honestly, I'm- I'm shocked at how easy that looked for you, we barely rehearsed this...

METTATON: STARDOM IS INSTINCTUAL!

[Canned laughter.]

ALPHYS: R-right...

ALPHYS: Hi, audience!

ALPHYS: This is really just a test run, so, so sorry if we do any fumb- fumbling today...

ALPHYS: The first podcast of- of the Human Fanclub!

[Canned applause.]

ALPHYS:

METTATON: I THINK IT ADDS FLAIR.

ALPHYS: Pfhehehe...

ALPHYS: Today we're going to be talking about the one thing we're both really- really knowledgeable about! And that's inventions.

ALPHYS: Humans have built so many ama- amazing things. It's really only by scavenging from what drops down here that we have things like, like WiFi, and ovens and tablets...

ALPHYS: Which!

ALPHYS: Which, isn't really a, a good thing, but...

ALPHYS: Yeah.

METTATON: ONLY BY SAMPLING FROM THE MORALLY GRAY CAN A TRULY DECADENT MEAL BE MADE.

ALPHYS: I don't think that's a saying... I don't think anyone says that...

METTATON: BUT IT IS A GOOD ONE, RIGHT?

ALPHYS: Yeah, actually!

[Podcast music begins playing.]

ALPHYS: Umm, so when we first fell in the Underground we didn't have much technology at all. Lots of our magic did the work for us, like- like fire magic and healing attacks...

ALPHYS: And it wasn't like the R- the old Home was a hotspot for falling human trash!

ALPHYS: One of the first things we began innovating with was, curiously enough, puzzles. We knew how to build, we knew how to do baseline, baseline surviving down there, but... I dunno, it's just really interesting to me how we immediately turned to art like it was one of the key parts of surviving down there.

ALPHYS: Which it was!! We incorporated dangers into our puzzles that a human- a human wouldn't be able to pass through, sometimes. But mostly they were just exercises for children. A way to pass- to pass the time, to stretch out t-the days a little longer...

ALPHYS: Make the walk home a little more, um, eventful...

ALPHYS: Which I can, I can understand. L-like I said, staying stimulated and enriched was really important to keeping us alive.

ALPHYS: What's curious about this is that humanity- humanity mirrored us up top!

ALPHYS: Instead of having only the b-baseline of what they needed, they had literally everything. Perfect food, perfect- perfect medicine, plenty of green spaces to visit, mental health specialists, knights defending their k-kingdoms...

ALPHYS: So they began improving upon the more... the more fr-frivolous parts of life. Their data processors began- began running games. They began sending out stories that someone could listen to, and eventually see on a screen, from all over!

ALPHYS: At- it's funny because their stories became more varied and rich...

ALPHYS: From my research, though, ours just told the- the same ones, over and over.

METTATON: ANOTHER REASON HUMANS ARE SO FASCINATING.

ALPHYS: (Shh-shh!!)

ALPHYS: It's a matter of placement.

ALPHYS: I- I'm sure that if humans were locked under here by monsters, they'd be te-telling the same stories over and over too!!

ALPHYS: ...

METTATON: ...

ALPHYS: Anyway...

ALPHYS: We advance to... current times, when we've explored all the Underground has to offer. Tech- technology has really advanced due to us discovering a few more openings to Mount Ebott's surface- namely, the big cluster of holes in Waterfall!

ALPHYS: If you're a frequenter of the garbage dump,

ALPHYS: which I am,

ALPHYS: you've probably seen things down there that humans would consider priceless! Maybe you've discovered your favorite book down there. Maybe a really pretty sculpture of a frog.

ALPHYS: My personal favorite is- is any human history that falls down! Books, comics, whatever, it's always never what you expect.

ALPHYS: And it's always really... hopeful. Also something you don't really expect...

[Inspiring music slowly gets louder in the background.]

ALPHYS: Comparing our parallel histories from a point of something we have in common, like- like innovations, and how we react to getting better- is really interesting, because it shows that maybe...

ALPHYS: That maybe- Mettaton!

METTATON: WHAT? I'M BEING SO INSPIRED, ALPHYS!

ALPHYS: O-o-oh, it's- it's really nothing!! I'm just- I'm just saying what I think, and

METTATON: YOU SHOULD DO THAT MORE OFTEN!

ALPHYS: Mettaton!!

METTATON: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS!

ALPHYS: Yeah, that's- whew- that's a short one for today! Just- just to see what you guys think.

ALPHYS: If you liked the podcast, uh... stick around for the next one?

ALPHYS: Thank you for everyone who tuned in!

METTATON: THIS IS METTATON AND ALPHYS, HUMAN FANCLUB, SIGNING OFF!

ALPHYS: Oh, gosh, I need some water.

[chaoticminhos]

chained

pairing: seo changbin x reader

genre: smut, halloween !!

warnings: home invasion

word count: 2.7k

a/n: happy halloween my babies!!! enjoy sex demon changbin :)

summary: bombarded with chain messages the night before halloween, y/n expects nothing but her friends being stupid, or maybe some practical joke. what she didn’t expect, however, was for the message to play up to its threats, landing her with a surprise visitor.

you rolled your eyes as the message flashed across your screen for the nth time in just that day alone. nearly a dozen of your friends, and even some people that you wouldn’t call more than an acquaintance, had forwarded the same long, obviously bullshit chain message to you.

“the veil will be thin this halloween. send this message to 10 of your friends to lock in your safety. if you ignore, something bad will happen halloween night.”

it was the same type of shit that got thrown around in middle school and the fact that people still believed these cheesy things was really diminishing your confidence in your college for letting them in.

completely ignoring the message jisung had sent before the chain message asking if you were going to a halloween party the next day, you clicked off your phone. if he made you deal with stupid messages, he could deal with being left on read.

you made your way to your bathroom, setting your phone on the sink and ridding yourself of your clothes. you stepped into the shower, wincing at the cold. curse the cheap apartment for never having enough hot water, but it’s all you could afford.

despite the water being less than warm, you took your time. living in the situation you did, you actually sort of got used to the cold showers, and even liked them sometimes. of course you still wished it wasn’t temperature roulette whenever you needed to take a shower, but at least cold showers weren’t the most terrible things in the world.

eventually, though, your toes started to stiffen and the cold became unbearable. maybe the water heater was more busted than usual or maybe you were just in a cold spell, but either way, you could only handle so much of the ice cold water. even when you semi-enjoy them, a cold shower is only soothing for so long.

you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel securely around yourself, wrapping your hair in another to dry.

just as you bent down to pick up your dirty clothes from the floor, your phone buzzed on the ceramic of the bathroom counter. you reached for it, pressing the clothes from the floor against your body to hold the towel up with the other arm. unsurprisingly for it being nearly the middle of the night, the name on your phone read jisung, jisung, jisung. no one else was usually up this late on school nights, and when they were, they weren’t texting you. unless it was jisung. as your best friend, he took it as his personal duty to keep you from getting a healthy night of sleep, ever.

you unlocked your phone and went to messages, where you had 5 unread messages from jisung just since you’d been in the shower. clingy, as always.

upon opening the chat, you were met with 5 more messages matching the chain message he’d already sent you. as you were typing a reply and telling him to stop being annoying, another message came through. same person, same words.

with a huff, you deleted the start of the grumpy message you’d been forming and decided you’d stick with leaving him on read. he would get bored eventually. or so you thought.

nearly half an hour passed and you were still getting regular messages from jisung, all the same exact thing, copy and paste. you’d resorted to silencing your phone to avoid the constant vibrations signaling a message, but they kept coming. by now you had well over 30 of the same text from jisung, and you were getting fed up with it.

seeing that ignoring him obviously wasn’t doing what you’d hoped, you wrote a message and hit send.

can you not be a pain in my ass for literally two seconds?

you watched as the message tried to send, only to be stopped by a red error mark.

“message could not be sent. check your network and try again.”

great, so not only were the showers freakishly cold, the wifi decided to play favorites as well, working enough to deliver jisung’s messages to your phone but not allowing you to reply.

you took a deep breath as you sunk into the couch you were sitting on, willing yourself not to explode. your phone lit up in your hand with another message, jisung, of course, and you caught a glimpse of the time on your screen. it only made your bad mood worsen.

it was 10 past midnight, making it officially halloween, and instead of being happy as you should on your favorite holiday, you were busy trying not to walk straight to jisung’s dorm and strangle the ever living fuck out of him.

your phone screen dimmed and shut off. you took a deep breath and decided to follow suit, lifting yourself from the couch and making your way to your bedroom. maybe you just needed some sleep. maybe it was just as funny as jisung seemed to think it was to be spamming you like a middle school girl and you just couldn’t see that through your sleepy grumpiness.

you let your shoulder hit the door, gently pushing it open as you stepped into your bedroom. not bothering to turn a light on, you tripped over something, probably a pile of clothes, arms flinging out to your bed to catch yourself, only you didn’t come in contact with the soft fuzzy feeling of your favorite blanket. instead, your frantic hands were met with another pair on arms. a stronger, really steady, definitely-not-your-roommates-because-you-didn’t-have-one pair of arms, so who the fuck was sitting on your bed?

a scream erupted from your throat before you even had time to process the current situation. you immediately put distance between yourself and the intruder, tripping backwards over the same pile of whatever you had stumbled over in the first place. you fell backwards, luckily not close enough to the wall to have hit your head, and shuffled until your back was flush with the wall.

you watched in shock as the shadow of whoever the fuck had broken into your apartment leaned across the bed and to the table you had beside it, turning the knob on your reading lamp until the room filled with light.

he leaned back into his original position, the only difference from before being that how you could see him. he didn’t look like what you’d have imagined someone breaking into a young girls apartment to look like. he was sporting a bright white t-shirt and black sweats, his hair brushed out of his face. not really the best outfit for someone to avoid detection in.

unless he didn’t want to avoid detection because it didn’t matter if you saw him because he was going to kill you and it didn’t matter if you’d seen his face because you’d be dead and... oh fuck.

the words that left your mouth would have made you cringe at how cliche they sounded if you hadn’t been in fear for your life.

“w-who are you?”

you’d expected anything other than the reaction he had. he cocked his head, a small pout forming on his lips.

“think.”

your jaw moved and you tried to get something coherent to form, but nothing came out.

he chuckled at your reaction, keeping the pout on his lips as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees with his hands intertwined in between them.

“it’s been, what,” he glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table, “five minutes since the last message and you’ve already forgot?”

your guard fell a little as the confusion of his words set in.

“what messages?”

he rolled his eyes, moving his arms behind him to support his body as he leaned back, and began reciting the message you’d been receiving nonstop for the entire night.

“the veil will be thin this halloween. send this message to 10 of your friends to lock in your safety. if you ignore, something bad will happen halloween night.”

you blinked at him, “i still don’t understand.”

he stood from your bed and began towards you. you knew that you should run, hit him, make a grab for your phone, anything, but you were frozen. you watched with wide eyes as he crouched down right in front of you, his knees touching yours, which were pulled up against your chest.

“it says something bad would happen.” he raised his hand for you to shake, “so hello, i’m something bad.”

when you didn’t take it, he sighed and let his hand fall to rest on your leg. your eyes snapped to his hand on your knee.

“of course,” he let his hand slide down from your knee and onto your thigh, “i don’t have to be a bad thing.”

your head was clouded and the only processable thought going through it was how warm his hand felt against your thigh. you knew that logically you should have done anything to get him to stop touching you, he was a fucking home intruder for gods sake, but you honestly didn’t want to. every moment he was near you, you felt the initial fear in your body melt into wanting.

he cocked his head, “i won’t even hurt you.” he raised an eyebrow, “unless you want me to.”

his eyes trailed up from his hand on your thigh and across your torso until he locked his gaze with yours. a smirk grew on his lips at how compliant you were being. he raised his free hand to your other leg and gently pushed your legs from against your body until he could fit himself in between them, leaning forward so his lips were only inches from yours.

if he’d doubted for any second that you didn’t want him, the way your legs trapped him close to you and your eyes were locked to his lips wiped it all away.

surprising him, you were the one to close the gap between you two, pressing your lips roughly to his.

he hummed into the kiss, bringing a hand up to cup your face while the other remained rested on your thigh.

he took your bottom lip between his teeth and you greedily accepted his request, letting him deepen the kiss. it only lasted a moment before he broke it off, grabbing your arms and helping you stand. he gestured towards the bed, and you me legs took you there before you could even really process what he was asking.

you sat on the edge of the bed patiently, eyes locked to his back as he pulled his shirt over his head. as much as you could have stated at his muscular back for ages, a rush went through you when he turned around. you let him lean down and gently kiss you before manhandling you until you were laying on your back in the middle of the bed.

you gladly opened your legs and let him place himself between them, crawling over you and reconnecting your lips once again. one arm kept him stable above you as the other trailed its way down your body, sneaking under your shirt and up your back to unclip your bra. you whined as he took his lips off from yours to lift you up and pull your shirt and bra over your shoulders, but he quieted you with his lips back on yours as soon as the clothing was out of the way.

a soft moan passed your lips as he trailed wet kisses down your jaw and to your neck, softly nipping at the sensitive skin. he continued his path down your body and to your chest, taking your nipple in his lips while his other hand came up to tease the other. you’d never been someone who got very worked up from having your nipples touched, but something about the way changbin did literally anything to you made you squirm. he continued to trail kisses along your stomach until he reached the waistband of your pants, his hand leaving your chest to hook around the waistband. you lifted your hips and he easily slid your pants and underwear to your feet where you kicked them off, leaving you completely nude under him.

he bit his lip as he scanned your naked body, completely on display for him. the fact that he’d managed to get you on this position for him just minutes after introducing himself to you made him throb in his jeans. he knew you’d give in to him eventually, it wasn’t possible for a human to deny his aura, but you’d given in right away. maybe you’d have given in to him even if he didn’t have a seductive aura, and the thought of you being attracted to him for reasons other than the fact that everyone was turned him on beyond belief.

he could have sat there between your legs and admired you for the entire night, but the impatient whine that left your mouth told him you wouldn’t be too happy with that idea. instead, he leaned back on his heels and undid his pants, pulling them down enough to finally release himself from the constraints of his underwear.

there really wasn’t an aspect of this man that wasn’t perfect, it seemed. he gave himself a few slow strokes, groaning at the long awaited stimulation. his hands returned to your hips and drifted towards your heat only to be stopped by your hand grabbing his wrist.

“i don’t need prep, just please fuck me.”

he caught a groan in his throat and replaced it with words, “say that again.”

you hooked your legs around him and pulled him close to you, close enough to make the head of his cock brush gently against your wetness.

“fuck me, changbin. i need you.”

how was it that he, the sex demon, seemed to be under a trance by you, a mere human? he didn’t question it, just immediately listening to you and lining himself up with your entrance, slowly sinking in.

you tried to keep your eyes open, you wanted to watch the pretty faces he was making as he sunk into you. you succeeded for a while, but when he gave the first harsh thrust, hitting you right in the sweet spot on his first try, you couldn’t help but screw your eyes shut and let out a borderline scream of pleasure. he was doing you so well, you thought maybe he was made for this.

it honestly surprised you how long you lasted with every single move of his hips being aimed at the exact correct spot. with a few particular violent rolls of his hips and his expert hands on your clit, you had the most overwhelming orgasm you’d ever experienced. you caged your legs around him, moaning a mantra of curses and his name. you felt him full you up and you could have swore that the feeling mixed with the unholy noises he let out could have made you cum again just from that if he hadn’t worn you out so hard from just one round.

he gently pulled out if you, cooing at you while you whined at the overstimulation. he fell down on the bed next to you and turned to face you.

“i made a good choice.”

you cocked an eyebrow, “what? breaking into my house and seducing me?”

he chuckled, “i didn’t break in. you let me in when you didn’t answer a single message i sent you.”

“that’s not even good logic.”

he shrugged, moving the bed a bit. “it’s clear in the rules i wrote.”

“yeah, okay.” you gave him a skeptical look. “how did you even get jisung in on this? he usually prefers to terrorize me alone.”

“didn’t need him to know about it. i don’t think his phone even registered the texts. they’re only on your end, if i did it correctly.”

you raised an eyebrow, “you some kind of hacker?”

he smiled, looking over at the bedside lamp and turning it off without ever touching it, not that you noticed.

“something like that.”

[downtonabbeyrevisited]

Season Two Episode Two

Following a typically chaotic opener, Episode Two of Season Two strikes a far more sombre tone. The arrival of Henry Lang as Robert’s valet brings the first of this episode’s three plot points that address the impact of WW1 on the mental health of its soldiers. There is nothing funny to say about either shell-shock or suicidal ideation both of which are vast, complex issues that, for my money, Downton Abbey isn’t the vehicle explore in (because they require more time and depth than the pace of the plot in Season Two affords) and it certainly isn’t my place to make light of them in this rather irreverent corner of the internet. So I’m going to have a go at treading a fine line here. Forgive me if I stumble. 

Lang is clearly in the grips of something awful and yet in an attempt to avoid the indignity of having maids in the dining room, he is bumped up to footman duty. He struggles throughout, culminating in him depositing his cargo on Edith’s dress. Mrs O’Brein has firmly taken Lang under her wing, recognising that he is struggling and offers him assurance and comfort that she has never gifted to Thomas. 

Across the Village, Lieutenant Edward Courtenay is in the hospital having been blinded by gas. The use of gas (both chlorine and mustard) had a devastating impact on soldiers in WW1 but was also the root of the development of Zyklon B. Frtiz Haber, a German Jewish chemist, enabled chlorine gas to be used a weapon in WW1 and his research was later developed into the Zyklon process which was used by the Nazis to murder millions, including his own family. This is only one of a dizzying number of appalling ironies to be found in the World Wars but as I said last episode, I’m not a military historian so I’m going to leave it there. Edward had plans to return to the country after his graduation from Oxford to pursue the simple life (although one gets the feeling that his idea of the pursuit of a simple life will still be one that is very well upholstered). Thomas has taken it upon himself to read Edward’s letters to him and  together with Sybil is helping him to adjust to living life with a different set of parameters. But growing pressure on the hospital’s limited capacity means that he is to be transferred elsewhere. All three voice their dissent at varying volumes to Major Clarkson who falls back on the very real backlog of wounded men. After Edward has died, Major Clarkson, Isobel and Sybil talk about a renewed need for the Abbey to become a convalescent home, an idea that has been bubbling under the surface for a while now. Meanwhile, Thomas has been left on his own to process both Edward’s death and the implications of witnessing a lack of support given by his own physician to those with depression.  

The usually reliably jovial Mrs Patmore also has a more somber episode with her pursuit for the truth about the death of her nephew Archie. Robert finds that he has been shot for cowardice. Not only does this mean that her family is in mourning but they will now have to navigate the stigma and undue shame that came with having a relative die in this way. So entrenched in British life was the derision levelled at those who were shot for cowardice or desertion that it was only in 2006 that pardons were offered by Britain for 309 of those that were executed by firing squad during WW1. I know I said I’d leave it there with the military history, but that felt like an important bit of context. 

We are now in 1917 and Matthew is still in the same trench that he was in 1916 (a detail I hadn’t actually noticed until I got the screen cap for this) so it looks like his strategy of downing tools mid-fight and continuously popping back to Blighty for important plot developments isn’t really paying dividends. Perhaps the addition of William to the ranks will help him? William certainly seems to think so and if the speed at which he moves through the various stages of his ‘relationship’ with Daisy is any indication of his tactical prowess, the British Front will not only be well within Germany’s borders but will be breathing down Russia’s neck in a fortnight. In any other episode, this would certainly get the award for oddest relationship dynamic but Sir Richard Carlisle exists. 

Sir Richard makes his debut at Downton, having been introduced in name only in the previous episode. He and Mary met at Cliveden which is a regular haunt of mine, giving me hope that one day I too will from a strategic alliance with a newspaper magnate. He may know how to talk his way around a boardroom but he is lacking in the sartorial department. Whilst Sir Richard manages to avoid catching fire in his tweed, Lavinia is not free from the heat as he threatens her with his connection to her uncle. He may not know much about navigating the niceties of Downton, but at least he has cottoned on to the fact that any major disagreement should occur under a specific tree. Whilst Mary’s signature move is weeping into her gloves, Sir Richard’s is grabbing women by the forearm. A female friend of mine told me that one of her favourite things about the pandemic and the compulsion to keep 2m away from anyone (and not just emotionally) is that she has not been ’steered’ by a male hand on her lower back since 2019. It turns out that she can enter and exit rooms just fine on her own and I get the impression that Lavinia could get the gist of Sir Richard’s rage without the vice like grip of a man probably about twice her age. 

Twinned with the ’tree of emotional conflict’, the ‘platform of romantic uncertainty’ provides the backdrop for Sir Richard’s proposal of marriage to Mary which is a declaration that really feels like it should come with a series of well-formatted charts. Mary’s heart, however, is still very much with Cousin Matthew. After being counselled by Carson in a type of conversation I cannot imagine her ever having with her father, she is on the verge of coming clean with Matthew. But in the second round of Lavinia vs. Mary, Lavinia declares that she ‘could not go on living’ without Matthew and Mary winds her neck in. 

Also having a romantic entanglement this episode is Edith. Drake, previously of dropsy fame, has lost his farm hands and Edith turns up to offer her help in a wildly unsuitable trouser and heeled boot combo. But she soon gets down to it by pulling up a tree stump and flirting in a barn whilst a rather lovely border collie looks on (I’m currently trying to talk myself out of getting a border collie and this incident has done nothing to help things). After showing Drake that she can drink from a bottle like literally every single other human on the planet, the two share a kiss and some highly awkward dialogue that only slightly resembles ‘Carry on Downton’. 

Whilst Edith is more than happy to crack on in a barn, Mr Molesley is much more backwards about coming forwards. Apparently having predicted the creation of ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’, he figures that a book is the perfect kindling for romance when you exist in a glossy depiction of the past. Sadly neither Elizabeth nor her German garden can lure Anna from Bates who is fast shaping up to be schrodinger’s boyfriend. Anna proceeds to make some odd analogy where she compares Mr Bates to her moon-based child, revealing a rather unhealthy amount of codependency in that particular relationship. 

Romantic declaration of the moment 

Again, it feels like anyone but Sybil and Branson should get this but I am an agent of chaos and here we are. Branson defends Sybil’s will to work and has ample opportunity to see her shine in her chosen field. The admission that she will not be returning to her old life is a little chink of light that Branson basks in. 

Expressive eyebrow of the week 

I nominate Carson’s entire face when he realises that he has taken on too much and goes an impressive shade of red. As Carson frets about spoons, sauce, and something I can’t quite fathom, he starts to resemble a man who is re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Carson’s battle to get a cork out of a bottle and knocking into chairs is a warm up to his rather dramatic collapse which is accompanied by a pretty disturbing groan. Sybil springs to action and he is soon efficiently ensconced in his own quarters. 

Wait, what? 

“I got a lot done on the train” Clearly Richard was on a train that was unencumbered with the wifi issues that plague the Pendolino.  

“It takes a good deal more than that to shock me.” Mary’s shock-o-meter is a pretty odd instrument. It is unresponsive to corpses of diplomats but goes into absolute meltdown at the notion that she might have to live in a cottage. 

“Let's hope my reputation will survive it.” I’ve not checked (and I categorically never will) but I would put money on the fact that someone has created a rarepair out of this. 

“How can Matthew have chosen that little blonde piece?” Is Lavinia blonde? Women’s hair is not really my forte but I would have thought she was more akin to Tim Minchin than 1998 Justin Timberlake. 

“I believe in this war. I believe in what we are fighting for.” William seems to have a better grip on what all of this is about than I ever did in high school history. The ‘A’ that eluded me is heading his way. 

“I thought he might've died for love of you.” How I love snipey Thomas. It’s good to have him back. To borrow a quote from Bottas (another man who is currently living a life in which his destiny is his own demise) ‘traditions’. 

“Fold it in, don’t slap it” The more season two goes on, the more I think that Moira is just an amalgamation of some choice elements of Julian’s kingdom. 

[sunshineandlov]

Outrage and Peace - Shigaraki x reader (drabble)

Word count: 958 Warnings: none A/n: I’m really happy to post/write this for Shigaraki’s Birthday Celebration. This is my first villain fic. Hopefully the name is okay. I struggle at naming drabbles. Anyway, this is based off of something that actually happened to me (in October). I was playing Pokemon Go, unfortunately, unlike this, I didn’t get to be with Shigaraki. Hopefully I got his characterization right, I’m only on episode 49.

-

"Nononono," you bared your teeth. "No you f- ... thing." The screen was changing frame every three second. Only allowing you to see that you were losing.

"Turn off. Turn off. Turn off, you piece of junk!" You viciously tapped the screen to turn off the recorder.

All you wanted was to record your gameplay. But all it did was make your phone slow as all heck. And now you were struggling way more than you should to even stop the recording. You clicked the button on the side that was supposed to make several options pop out, including one to stop recording. But pressing did literally nothing, like you had never even touched it. You attempted to back out of all applications. It successfully showed you all of your open apps, but once again did nothing when you tried to close some to speed up your phone or when tried to simply get to your home screen.

You keep clicking the back button until you felt like you were trying to break off the corner of your phone. All that did was bring you back to the game. You felt like obliterating your phone, and whoever designed that free screen capture app. It then displayed the two words that brought you to the brink of losing it.

You lose

You sucked in a deep breath. Your fingers curled and clawed at the back of the phone case.

You would have won. You would have won. You. would. have. WON! If it weren't for the horrible app slowing down your phone!

The game lagging even after the battle did nothing to soothe you. You eventually got the app to stop recording and uninstalled the screen capture device off the face of the Earth. The game had asked you if you wanted a rematch, but not yet. You needed to get ready so you would lose again. You healed and returned to have a rematch.

But the enemy wasn't there.

You were about ready to scream bloody murder. Obliterate your phone. Murder someone. Blow up the city.

You paced. Somehow even your breathing was angry. A bite to every inhale and exhale.

Shigaraki eyed you from where he sat. Not saying anything for the first five minutes.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes! The stupid game won't let me have a rematch after the stupid screen capture app made me lose! I would have won too! I would have WON if it weren't so dang slow! And now I can't even have a rematch!"

You kicked a chair. And when it didn’t fall over like you wanted to, you pushed it. It clanged to the ground. The sudden sound would have made you jump if you weren't so angry.

You breathed in and out heavily. "Make sure you don't do anything to annoy me. I feel like I'm gonna murder someone."

Your boyfriend looked at you for a second, then got up from the bar stool. "Come on."

"What?"

"We're going somewhere." He scooped up a black jacket that was draped over a stool. He pulled a phone out of the pocket and dialed someone up. You sat down and tapped you foot as he told Kurogiri to send him somewhere you didn't recognize. Within a minute, a dark, swirling void opened up. Shigaraki waved you to follow and walked through.

You knew you couldn’t argue with him. God knew the boy was stubborn. So you followed. You had no idea where he was going. You just took a breath and stepped through the portal.

You blinked. The sudden change in lighting caught you off guard. It was brighter. The air felt cool and less constricted. You were outside.

You looked around. It was somewhere in a forest. Shigaraki stood and watched as you took in the area. The treetops were yellow. A carpet of leaves covered the ground. They had fallen recently. Very few of those leaves crunched and instead cushioned your feet. The sound of running water nearby caught your ear.

You walked to it.

You found yourself at a creek. The water trickled over smooth rocks and sand. The sound of it was calming. The way the clear liquid flowed was mesmerizing.

You inhaled the fresh air.

"Why did you take me here?" you asked

"You needed to calm down."

You raised an eyebrow in annoyance, but held your tongue when you begrudgingly admitted he was right.

You looked back down at the stream. Leaves occasionally got caught in the pull and tugged down until caught by something.

"How do you know about this place? I don't take you as someone who goes to places like this."

"Sensei took me here once," he said.

When you looked at his face, you noticed that the usual tension he held was gone. He just stared, his crimson eyes lost in a memory.

You nodded. "It's nice."

"Better?"

"Yeah. I feel better. Thank you. ...but I still wanted that rematch. Y'know what? Forget you, puny boss! You're a big wuss for running away after I healed up!" You laughed.

A large smile formed on Shigaraki's face."Are you ready to go back?"

"Depends upon what you want to do." An idea came to you. "What if we both played here together?" You pulled out your phone.

"The glare's going to be nasty."

"We could sit under a tree?" For some reason your mind wouldn’t let go of this idea. The idea of spending more time with him here.

He considered this for a moment. Begrudgingly, he plopped down beside a tree. You sat beside him with a smile.

"You do realize there's no WiFi here, right?"

"Then we'll see if my hotspot works, or just pick an offline game to play separately!"

[timextoxhajima]

GEN Z SERIES, CHANG MIN: Invisible Blindfolds

“I want her dead.”

Member: Changmin

Genre: Angst / Fluff

Word Count: 5.2k words

Taglist:  @lovely-kpop-writer​​ @yn-am-pm @fleurseoul​ @sunwoowuvbot​ @mystaydeobi​ @fullsunsays​ @glcwing0​

The corners of your eyes well up with tears, and you swore you’d get a tummy ache the next morning from laughing all too hard. 

“Spin the damn thing again! I’m not going into the closet with him!” Chanhee nearly screams his head off, getting onto his feet just as the soju bottle stops, pointing dead straight at him. 

Ji Changmin gets up from beside you, and steps across the carpet, hands outstretched towards his classmate.

“No, fuck off!” 

The laughter in your abdomen forces you to double over, nearly spilling the cup of Coke mixed with Whiskey in your hand. 

Kevin and Eric get to their feet in a bid to force Chanhee along with the game, and you lean over on your best friend, watching your boyfriend turn back and grin at you as he followed his screaming friend into the closet. 

“The things I’d do to have what you have with him,” Your friend almost shouts, trying to beat the rest of the crowd in the room.

Exams had just ended and you had been cordially invited to an end-of-year party at Kevin’s place as Changmin’s girlfriend. 

“Mm,” A hum commands you to take a sip from your cup, just as Eric and Kevin lean on the closet door from the outside, and Chanhee’s screaming only tickles your funny bone even more. 

The alcohol burns your chest, but it was for a good cause; you were having fun. 

“You say that as if you don’t have just about the greatest thing with Kevin.”

The sparkle in your friend’s eyes would’ve gone unnoticed had you blinked, and you can’t help but to snuggle in further into her neck, resting your head on her shoulder while you revel in the atmosphere of the party. 

Chanhee literally crawls out of the closet once the phone’s timer goes off. Changmin walks out with his mouth covered and wide eyes while Chanhee hurls strings of vulgarities at him, back to the floor like he had just been abused.

“Oh my God, what did you do?” The view stuns you, and Changmin naturally struts over to you, his free hand dangling by the side of his thigh calling out for you to hold it.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Liar--” Chanhee’s eyes are so wide open, his blue contacts might’ve popped out. “He tried to kiss me!”

And the crowd bursts into laughter, including you. 

“Why are you laughing?” Chanhee throws a tissue ball at you, getting to his feet and returning to his spot on the carpeted living room floor. “Control your man.”

“He’s well controlled,” You come down from your high, and pull on Changmin’s hand so he’d sit down. “It’s not my fault he likes you more than he likes me.”

Some in the circle snort, and Changmin pulls you into a headlock, ruffling your hair like you didn’t put effort into styling it before coming. 

And so, the moon hangs itself for all eternity in the dark sky when you leave Kevin’s home, your friend by his side and the group of boys behind you howling and screaming as if they didn’t have to worry about being a public nuisance. 

“Goodnight, Kevin!” You call out over your shoulder, and the others follow suit. 

The door shuts with two smiles behind, but you turn to watch Chanhee and Changmin struggle a little to support the little ball of sunshine who had too much to drink.

“I can go home on my own, you guys need to take care of him.”

Changmin looks up upon your suggestion, watching as you shove your hands into the pockets of your hoodie. 

“What? No.”

Chanhee grunts as Eric nearly slides off, mumbling something about the cat on the other side of the road. 

“I’m not going to be able to bring him back home alone.”

Changmin’s eyes flit between you and his friends, his expression dulling when he realises he doesn’t really have much of a choice.

“Come with us? I don’t want you walking home alone.”

A yawn crawls up your respiratory system, and the remnants of the alcohol gets seeped into your blood as you shake your head.

“I’m fine,” You shrug lightly. “I can take care of myself, but Eric obviously can’t.”

“Your girlfriend’s right,” Chanhee grunts when Eric suddenly does a little skip on a floor, despite his right arm being hooked around Chanhee’s neck. “Eric’s going to spend the night on some pavement if we don’t get him home.”

Changmin looks a tad bit upset with your refusal to walk with them, but he knows he’ll be wasting his breath trying to convince you to go along.

“Okay,” He leans over and pecks you on your forehead. “Be careful, and text me once you get home, okay? Don’t wait up, we’ll probably be awhile.”

The tone in his voice is heavy, and for a moment you worry that he might be more than upset that you were stubborn and rock-headed. 

But Eric starts trying to braid Chanhee’s hair, leaving Changmin no choice but to help untangle his hair from Eric’s fingers. 

You watch for awhile until they disappear around the block, Changmin turning and giving you one last glance before they are out of sight.

The walk home is quiet, apart from the cricket chirping and the occasional car that drives down the road.

You can’t help but to wonder if Changmin really was pissed off with your stubbornness. The stars in the dark sky glimmer down at you, and if you tried hard enough, you could almost see Andromeda, or Mars -- well, it was either or, since both had a shade of red to them if you were to see them in the sky.

The ink sky collects you into its silence and peace, leaving you to wander through the fields of thought in your head before the sun was to rise again. 

A honk outside your house jolts you awake, and your eyes immediately squint away from the bright sun flooding the four walls of your room. 

It is a surprise to realise your phone is a lack of messages -- or replies -- from Changmin when you roll over and fetch the device from your night stand. 

The house was empty, so you could only guess your parents had brought your brother out to buy some of that sports equipment he’s always been wanting to get. 

By nature, you call Changmin, but it meets the dial tone. More messages swarm your chat, but they go undelivered.

WiFi seemed to work but why aren’t they getting through?

A slight headache starts to knock on the inner shell of your skull, and you realise a small cut on your thigh.

Must’ve been Kevin’s house. Wooden floor boards and their splinters.

You forgot to charge your phone before you passed out last night, so it’s a frustrating dead-end when your phone’s battery drains out within the next few minutes.

It wasn’t the first time you’ve been at a social event with Changmin, so being his girlfriend has taught you that he had a habit of sleeping in the next morning after a drinking session. It doesn’t really bother you that you might only come into contact with him when you’re back in school.

Yet the universe thinks it’s fun to pull a prank on you -- for not only is Changmin’s shadow almost out of sight; nobody speaks to you. 

The confusion was overwhelming, nibbling away at your consciousness and your social awareness. Not only did Changmin and his friends seemingly disappear off the face of Earth, so did yours. 

Their seats remain empty for a day, and some don’t even return after the second, including Changmin.

You take the opportunity to run the question through your friend, two of the three who was back in school and the last one gone from your radar as well. 

The cafeteria is bustling as usual, though not as noisy because none of the noisier boys in Changmin’s group of friends were around.

“Do you know what happened to Changmin? And where were you the last two days?” You rest your arms on the table before you, for the lack of appetite from the mistreatment of your boyfriend begins to haunt you like a living nightmare.

“Are you alright? If you need to speak to any of us, we’re always here for you.”

“What?” Your brows furrow and your head cocks to the side. An alarm goes off in your head because that is a strange reply. “What are you--”

“Talk to us, we’re your support. We don’t want you dead in a ditch somewhere, okay?”

“Uh-- sure... I just--”

“Good,” A pause as she returns to her potato salad. “Let me clear this before we head back to class, we have shit to catch up on.”

Baffling.

The next day greets you like the devil’s smile the first time you see it in Hell, for Changmin walks right past you without even looking at you but instead exchanging knowing, suspicious glances at your friend -- the one who assured you her comfort and support just the day before. 

Changmin looked terrible; his smile was gone and the eyebags under his eyes were unmistakably caused by a lack of sleep. The red rings around his eyes are glaring, like he had been a fight and this was the aftermath.

Maybe you should start losing sleep over this too, but everytime your back hits the mattress at home, you knock out and wake up the next morning with a shitty ache in your neck. 

Changmin doesn’t enter your field of vision for the rest of the day, for you have no classes with him besides the chemistry classes on fridays. 

The stinging, wearing pain in your neck draws you to the bed once you reach home, and it feels all too lethargic, like a fever dream. 

The days pass so quickly, so fleetingly, and you weren’t sure if you were just too cooped up in your room studying or sleeping that you haven’t really gotten the time to talk to your family members either. 

They’ll understand. 

But I definitely don’t understand Changmin.

There is something wrong, but he feels so far away, uncontactable.

All those messages and calls to him but nothing. He doesn’t pick up, he doesn’t respond, he doesn’t even look at me in school.

The tears well in your eyes when you struggle to hold yourself together.

How did such a pretty fairytale become a living nightmare?

A phone in the house rings, and the anxiety in her voice thrums through the walls of the house. You wonder for a moment how it was able to wake you -- when your mother finds extreme difficulty in even waking you up on a normal day -- but you peel yourself off the bed anyway and walk out the room, feet snuggled into the thick carpet of the floor. 

It doesn’t take too long for you to realise your mother’s been on the phone for an extended period of time now, and it calls you down the steps of your home into the living room.

The phone is on an extremely high volume; your father has had hearing problems for the longest time so the rest of you simply endure the sometimes-painful levels of pitch whenever someone calls. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you--” 

“No, wait, plea--”

And the phone is almost slammed back into the set with a plastic clack. Your mother doesn’t see you because you’ve stopped yourself at the top of the stairs, bending over to watch the situation unravel under the roof of the first floor.

Ji Changmin is a phenomenon on his own, impeccable. There was absolutely nothing about him you hated, until he treated you like you were invisible.

Then your mother buries her face in her hands, looks up at the top of the stairs and spots you, but she doesn’t look you in the eye; she knows you’re standing there. 

Someone must’ve told her Changmin and I are no longer together, but for what reason, even I don’t know. 

The weekend roles around, and the strangest thing happens in the midst of you sobbing your heart out over losing him to a force even you cannot see. 

Why would he show up at your place with a shovel and a rose?

You watch from the window in your room as your older brother and father try to pry Changmin away from the hole he’s dug on your front yard from the window. 

Quite a sight to behold, honestly. But at what cost? Who was hurting more in the relationship? Why is he here when he hasn’t responded to my calls?

The man tried to plant the rose (still in a pot with a soil-base and all), but fragility gets the better of the fickle thing and its petals dribble off throughout all the chaos. 

Changmin literally gets yanked away into the family car, and if you blinked, you would’ve missed the way Changmin looked up at the window with such yearning, it might’ve been excruciating to digest.

There was almost no way you could decide when it all happened. 

Why did Changmin suddenly stop talking to you? 

Why did he stop seeing you? 

Why did he stop loving you?

The curtains draw back before your nose, your mother closing them for you, though she doesn’t say a word. Her back is turned and she shuts the door of your room behind her, the soft thud a signal to you that maybe it was time to close your eyes and let abyss of dreams claim you again.

Maybe this time -- finally -- you’ll forget you ever loved him. 

Then again, it’s not easy to pretend like you hadn’t once had your hands all over him. It’s not easy to pretend like you didn’t just sit and watch the love of your life perform favourite song before an audience, despite the lyrics being heartbreaking... but watching him dance was like watching the waves crash against the shore, the trees hiding the sunshine from the skies.

It’s not easy to pretend that Changmin didn’t actually make the song your reality. 

The cotton of your bedsheet sucks you into its comfort, albeit the memories still running in your head like a broken record.

It was just weeks ago that the dance crew you were in had finished the showcase, the same one that Changmin had performed Maniac in the gym, that Changmin sent you home.

The crickets on out on your lawn were chirping and halted the moment the both of you were walking along the path up to your porch. The night temperature was colder than comfortable, so Changmin has his windbreaker wrapped around your shoulders, and his left hand interlocked with yours, stuffed into the right pocket.

You remember clearly: he smelled like a disgusting mix of deodorant and his body wash, and you could smell his cologne on his windbreaker. 

Strangely comforting, however gross that sounded. 

And so, it is sweet like hot chocolate in winter and his jacket around your shoulders when he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

Your eyes travel up to his. Those large, round, doe eyes that you fell for after almost a year of being friends. He isn’t that short, so you can’t help the smile when you remember all the teasing he suffers when he’s with his friends.

“Goodnight.”

God, those dimples. 

“Goodnight.” 

The memory of that night swallows you whole like you were a druggies’ pills, and the night collects you the way the grim reaper would -- or should -- collect your already dissipating soul. 

I wonder why he’s crawling back now?

The hallways of school haunt you like Hell the next day; is this my Hell?

It might be, especially if Changmin walks by you, on his phone, and does not see you. He is distant, walking at the back of the group with his friends, and you at the back of yours. 

Everybody looks gloomy; did something happen that you didn’t know about?

Maybe that was why Changmin stopped treating you like you existed.

You claim your seat as per normal in class at the back with your friend, and the other two infront of you. Changmin is seated diagonally to the right before you, and you can tell he starts to drift off to sleep. 

Wait-- I only have one class with him on Fridays--

You realise he’s wearing the same pair of pants he wore to your place the night before, when he tried to plant that rose in your front yard. 

There was a patch of rubbed-in soil into the side of his thigh.

It truly is detrimental to your spirit, when you cannot piece together the information. 

Then the lyrics of the performance he pulled off perfectly comes back to stick themselves in the crevices of your brain like a parasite. 

You were with your friends, partying

When the alcohol kicked in

Said you wanted me dead

The pinch forces you to look away, the sound of his voice saying those words driving merciless needles into your skin, making your hair stand. 

“I want her dead.”

His voice rings in your head, though you have no physical memory of him saying that. When did he say this? Over the phone? To someone else? 

Why do you remember his voice saying these words but you don’t even remember seeing it for yourself?

The teacher’s voice is literally drowned out by all the other little clicks and clacks you can hear in the classroom. 

The clock ticking, people clicking their pens, tapping their feet on the floor. The scribbling. 

So, you shut your eyes, and the school bell violently wakes you up from your never-ending nightmare. 

Everybody is on their feet, heading towards the front of the classroom to get some worksheet from the teacher and one of your friends take one copy for you. 

She’s busy looking at the worksheet for herself, so she candidly slides yours under your desk, and seems to miss your little “thank you”.

Your friends forget about you -- which is a normal occurrence, because they know you like to stay behind after Chemistry to leave with Changmin. 

But all three of your friends spare Changmin a look of pity, almost pain and misfortune before they leave the classroom. 

The room is bare besides you sitting in the back and Changmin sitting in his seat, never really moving a single muscle until he slides everything into his bag and stands up. 

It is so quiet, you can hear him breathing. 

His laboured breath tells you there is something wrong, and if he wasn’t going to talk to you about it, then maybe you should find out for yourself. 

It takes a surprisingly minimum amount of effort to follow Changmin out of school and to the bus stop and the train station, because he doesn’t stop once -- he is rushing somewhere, steps larger than he normally would walk with and his hood over his hair, almost hiding his eyes. 

I wish I never loved you, Ji Changmin. You love me with all your heart with mine sitting in the heart of your palms only for you to crush it the very next day, and forget that I ever exist. 

Changmin alights at a station he doesn’t usually alight at, the situation starting to make it even more mind-boggling for you.

Just who or what was it that tore you away from me? We had everything, and the way your eyes twinkled when you looked at me made me feel like I was the only thing you ever needed. 

Then, Changmin gets on a bus, shoving his hands into his pockets. The sun was setting so the sky was turning into a gentle blue from orange.

So, was I? Was I the only thing you ever needed or did you realise that you were wrong, and that you could do without me? That you could be better off with someone else?

The bus stops, and Changmin alights. 

But what greets you is the daunting architecture of a building almost as high as apartment buildings.

It was a hospital.

Something dawns on you, but anger and confusion is not a good mix of emotions when your boyfriend suddenly stops acknowledging your existence without an explanation. 

What if it was your mother? Your father? No, you would’ve told me, wouldn’t you, Changmin? Or was it another girl whom your eyes laid on, and your heart decided her hands were softer, warmer for it to snuggle into, sing melodies into her skin and press loving songs onto her lips?

I wish you were dead, Changmin.

I wish--

“I’m here, y/n.”

It crushes your spirit when you hear the name ring in the halls of the hospital, or maybe it was just in your head. Changmin had entered a ward, but you haven’t seen what was in it.

The sudden nausea in your gut starts to grumble through your system, and your heart rushes like manic in the cages of your chest. 

“How are you today? You look better.”

If I looked hard enough, maybe I could see Andromeda or Mars--

Until bright, white lights blind you.

And your neck feels like there is a harsh squeeze around your spine on the inside, and you groan in pain to yourself, the movement shifting you forwards, just enough to provide you a view of the patient in the ward Changmin was sitting by. 

It feels almost aggressive, or violent, the way the truth of reality slaps you across the face, possibly breaking your neck and a few bones in the process.

But that was not possible, because you were looking at yourself lying in the hospital bed, motionless. 

Cast around your neck and stitches across your face, left hand in cast and one of your legs held up by a support, the physical pain starts to spread through your body just as the information clicks together. 

“I want her dead.” Changmin’s face is tear stained and he is drunk from the sorrows he ironically tried to drink away. Distant, hazy memory reminds you that he is distraught over your accident, for the doctor cannot promise a hundred percent survival rate, not after it’s nearly severed your spine, fractured about a dozen bones in your body and broken your leg.

“You know you don’t mean that.” The calming voice of your voice, though hoarse and also slightly strained, tries in vain to soothe the poison in his heart. 

“If she is in so much pain then I rather her--”

“Shut-- the fuck up!” Then she hurls her glass across the living room, and Kevin rushes to hold her back. She breaks down in his arms, and Kevin looks to Changmin with agony in his eyes. 

He knows Changmin is feeling worse, if not the worst in the room. 

“Are you alright? If you need to speak to any of us, we’re always here for you.”  The memory plays out in your head, leaving a horrid, bitter taste on your tongue. 

She was talking to the other friend at the table, and you weren’t there. 

Your room had been empty the day you were in the accident -- almost three weeks ago. 

The rose sitting in the pitiful pile of soil in your backyard gets surgically removed and then re-installed into the grass by your older brother, because he knows why Changmin left it there. 

Both of them are afraid they are going to lose you, but it’s not in their control to decide what the Grim Reaper decides to do. 

The soft beeping of the heart monitor is a stab to the chest when you realise it was your own heartbeat you were listening to. You slowly walk around the bed and sit in the chair on the other side, directly opposite Changmin with your lifeless body between the two of you. 

You are barely recognisable, but Changmin still looks at you with that twinkle in his eyes, though now shrouded with the tears coating them. 

Guilt finds you in places you never knew was possible, when you realise you had just played Changmin off as an unfaithful, unreasonable partner. 

All he had been was just the opposite. 

The tears fall from Changmin’s eyes, and God, how much do you want to reach over and wipe his tears off his face and tell him you’re still alive, and you’re still fighting. 

He gulps, not doing much to salvage his need to be strong for himself, or for you, and presses one hand into the back of his neck, over the material of his hood. Your right hand, with the index finger clipped with the pulse oximeter, held in his free hand, as he lowers his head in despair.

You don’t know how you’re feeling it, but maybe because the entity you are right now is your soul itself. So the pain is intrinsically sharp in your heart when you watch him crumble, and you cannot do anything about it. 

He sniffles and brushes away the tears streaming down his face, dampening the ends of his sleeves when he looks up at your scarred, wounded face. 

“I’m gonna hope you can hear me, because I don’t think I can say this again...” His finger is trembling when he reaches up and brushes away the hair by your eyes. “If you need to go, if you’re really in pain--”

The hiccups stop him, and you find yourself cracking into sobs, shaking your head when you know what he’s about to say.

“--if you’re really in pain, then go. I don’t want you to stay if all you’re feeling is pain--” 

His teeth are gritted, and you can see the strain in his neck when he hides his eyes with his palm, free hand still holding onto your limp fingers.

No, I don’t want to go if it means you’re hurting.

“I just... I know your family will hate me for saying this but I just need to know that you’re not in pain--”

No, this pain is nothing compared to if I don’t have you. 

“But if you’re somewhere in there, and if you’re fighting, I hope you know I’ll be here to wait for you to come back to me, no matter how long it takes.”

No, no, no, no, this was not how I planned my life to end--

“I love you so much... and I’m sorry I didn’t say it more. I’m sorry that you don’t feel it sometimes, I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you in any way, I just--”

He takes a deep breath and strokes your cheek. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

The tears are ruthless yet intangible. They fall as tears from your face but disappear into nothingness just before they reach the floor. You try to wipe them from your face with your sleeve but they leave no marks. 

“No... no!” You know the screams can’t be heard by anybody but yourself, and you try to pick up the chair to hurl it across the room but you can’t shift it an inch. You try to kick the bed, but the mattress sheet doesn’t even crease.

“No! Changmin, I’m still here! I’m not in pain and I don’t want to go-- Please...”

Your knees meet the floor of the ward, your hands gripping onto the sides of the hospital bed as you listen to Changmin offer your body sobs and hiccups. 

The rough material of the bed makes you feel the texture, but it doesn’t leave any marks. 

You hear some shuffling and you look up with tired eyes, the pain in your neck calling you back into that lethargic ambience that you now reocgnise. The nightly “sleep” you’ve been getting is just your soul being pulled back into the reality you’ve been so used to, leaving your body here to rot and remain in its useless trance. 

The pain starts to ring a pitch in your ear, and you wince as you stand, watching Changmin stand and rub his eyes.

“No, no, stop!” The pitch gets higher, and the pain spreads a strange need to pass out throughout your body. 

How long are you going to be stuck in his vicious, torturous cycle?

You claw and scratch at the spot of pain causing the ringing in your ears on the back of your neck as Changmin leans forward and presses a gentle kiss into your forehead, lingering there longer than you expected him to. 

The ringing reaches a pitch in your skull that has you covering your ears and cowering to the floor, and just before you black out, you read Changmin’s lips as he whispers to you. 

Please don’t leave me.

The ring cracks something in your neck and you pass out completely, feeling your weight thump to the floor.

“What would you do if I got into an accident?” 

“What?” You frown and look over to Changmin, who’s got his arm under his neck and his eyes looking down at you. “Why would you ever ask that?”

He smiles, the neon stars pasted on your room ceiling still darker than the ones in his eyes. 

“I don’t know, just wanted to know.”

“Hm,” You pull the blanket up to your neck and turn to your side to better face him, rolling the metal ends of his hoodie’s string between your thumb and index finger. “I don’t know. What are the given circumstances?”

“You need given circumstances?”

You laugh, and his eyes are widened with amusement.

“Well, yeah. Like, if the doctors were to tell me you’re dead then there really isn’t much I can do, can I?”

A gasp from him tickles your funny bone again, and you push his chest, shoving him off balance. Changmin repositions himself now, pulling the blanket over himself and tucking his arm under your neck, so that you were resting against his chest and hoodie and his scent intoxicating you in every sweet way possible.

“Okay, what if I become brain dead or something?”

“So, like... alive but you’re never gonna wake up?”

“Yeah.”

Your eyes travel to the ceiling, the stars pasted mapped out according to your starsigns. 

“Do I have the choice of pulling the plug?”

“Mhm, you either pull the plug and get me off life support or you don’t and keep my body around but I’d never wake up.”

“I’d pull your life support.”

“Oh? Why?”

“I don’t want you to be stuck in a body you can’t do anything with. You love to dance and play sports-- I can’t imagine you being stuck in a body that doesn’t allow you to do that.”

Silence.

“You okay? Or did I say something wrong?” 

“Nah,” He shakes his head when you look up to him. “It’s just-- I’m glad you said that. You know me well enough to know that’s what I’d want you to do.”

“And here I was worried you’d want to spend the rest of your life stuck in a body that’s dead.”

“Nah, I’d rather spend the rest of my life with you, and if there’s no you, then there’s no point living.”

So, your eyes shoot wide open like waking up from a dream, but the ceiling is white and your body is being hugged with a thick, uncomfortable material you can’t recognise.

But Changmin’s voice comforts you, and when the tears from his eyes sting the wounds on your face, you don’t mind the extra pain when yours seep into the cuts and wounds too. 

[sylvie-writes]

Paint the Town

This goes out to my precious anon who requested some fluff with our loveable Steve. I apologize for the long wait! My power went out so no WiFi and some very bad reception. (So if it went through twice here’s why) anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it, nonnie!

If there was one way Steve could describe you, it would be that you are like a bright light in a dark room. Anytime Steve would see you, it’s like his day got better instantly. So after sparing Bucky and getting cleaned up, he ventured off to the kitchen to find you. He could only imagine that you were trying to flip pancakes or maybe even goofing off with Sam, but when he walked in to find you sitting at the counter gloomily eating a bowl of cereal, his heart sank deep into the pit of his stomach. How could his loveable (y/n) be sad when the day had just started?

Steve carefully walked to the counter, approaching you as if you were a baby deer, easily able to be frightened.

“Hi Darling.” You could feel Steve’s warm hands on your shoulders and his lips to the crown of your head. Attempting to muster up all your energy, you turned to Steve and gave him a small smile to which he frowned.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” You didn’t feel like talking at the moment, so shaking your head would have to do.

Steve knew everything, he was your husband after all. He could tell when you were sick or upset or even when you were over the moon ecstatic! It hurt him to see you so downcast.

They say when you are in love you’ll do anything. Steven Grant Rogers wasn’t just your husband, he was your best friend. The man who would always have your back, the man who would love you unconditionally.

As you finished up the bowl of cereal, an idea came to Steve’s mind. You hadn’t even seen the look of excitement on his face while you got up to go clean the bowl. The running water and slow movements of the sponge kept you in a trance, making you jump when Steve wrapped his arms around your waist.

“I have an idea.” His lips were right up against your ear as he whispered, making you giggle and bringing a grin to his face.

One large hand reached over you to shut off the water, while the other went to grab the bowl and put it in the dishwasher. You turned around to be met with Steve’s broad chest and his beaming smile looking down on you. You couldn’t help but smile at his childlike enthusiasm, it was the first time today that you truly smiled.

Placing your smaller hands on his unusually, large biceps, you slowly rubbed your hands up and down in a soothing manner.

“How about I take you around Brooklyn today? Show you the places I went as a kid.” He playfully winked at you in a manner so you couldn’t reject his offer. Rolling your eyes, you agreed and he happily kissed your lips, catching you off guard.

When you both got in the car, he was talking faster than an auctioneer, spitting off the day's agenda. You couldn’t believe how this man, the one who was the literal definition of seriousness, was acting as if he were a child on Christmas morning. If the team had seen how the Captain was so let loose at the moment, you were positive they’d think that Steve had lost a few screws of his own.

“I can show you my old apartment, oh and this amazing place Bucky and I would go for lunch sometimes!”

Not even a second went by before you kissed his cheek, preventing him from babbling anymore.

“I’ve never seen you this excited for anything before, honey.” Steve’s face grew a faint hint of a blush. Lightly giggling at his reaction, you reached for his hand that wasn’t on the wheel.

Soon after, Steve pulled up to an old apartment building that looked vacant. He was quick to jump from the car and extended his hand out for yours, helping you out of. As you walked, you looked up at the old building, imagining your Steve living in his own timeline.

“I promise, doll, that back then, it looked a lot better.”

“I don’t doubt it, hon. The vintage charm, I think it’s cute!”

Steve cautiously led you up the old metal staircase until he reached the floor of his apartment. As Steve searched around for the brick that hid the key, you looked over the railing and out at Brooklyn. It may have been rundown now, but back then it was Steve’s home and your heart warmed at the thought.

“Ready?” Your husband held up the small key and you eagerly nodded, leaping forward to interlock your arm with his.

Upon entering the small apartment, you saw a humble little sofa covered by a ripped plastic wrap, a few wooden frames on the wall and a small kitchenette. The sun shone through the window and you could see the dust floating in the air.

“Sorry about the mess, but home sweet home!” The one thing about Steve was no matter the situation, he’d always try to be optimistic and you loved him immensely for that.

“It looks amazing for being empty for almost 70 years.” This time you gave him a playful wink and walked away to go look at the pictures on the wall.

You gasped as the picture presented a boyish Steve and young Bucky.

“Steve is that you? You’re absolutely adorable!” He couldn’t believe that you were gushing over him. If anything, he still expected for you to ridicule him like the women did way back when.

“I am glad you think that. You know how many girls rejected me?”

You turned around in disbelief to see Steve bashfully standing there with his hands in his pockets, like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

“Aww Stevie! That’s terrible.”

When you placed your hands on his face, it was a comforting mechanism, reminding him of how much you love you have for the man.

Because you threw the dog a bone, it perked up. Steve instantly regained his excitement and clasped your hand in his.

“Looking back, I kinda think it’s funny.” A shy smile grew on his face before he continued his thought. “How about we head to lunch and I’ll tell you the story on the way.”

“Sounds good!”

The pizzeria was just a few blocks away, so you both opted to walk. Currently, the weather was comfortable and you were able to enjoy the walk while laughing with Steve as he recalled the time Bucky invited him to the Stark Expo.

“Oh, I can’t even imagine how that must’ve felt!” In an attempt to sympathize with him, you squeezed his arm closer to you.

“Well, I mean if she hadn’t left me for Bucky, I wouldn’t have wandered off to recruitment and I wouldn’t be here with you.”

Steve always found a way to make you blush, even though you had known him for years. The man very well knew what he was doing and leaned down to kiss your nose. You couldn’t help but agree with what he had said. Part of you felt guilty for being glad that girl ditched him, but then again life would be so different if she hadn’t.

Your gentleman of a husband held open the door to the restaurant and you were instantly greeted with the intoxicating smell of oven cooked pizza.

You let Steve order since he was so giddy to take you there in the first place. To your surprise when a pepperoni pizza was placed on the table you were only a little disappointed till you took the first bite.

“Oh my god! Steve, this is amazing!”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t just any plain pepperoni pizza. You had set your expectations so low that when you took the first bite, it was an other worldly experience.

Steve laughed at your reaction and reached over to wipe the pizza sauce on your face. You slightly blushed once again, and he just smiled, resting his thumb on your chin. Steve bore into your eyes with a loving gaze which you returned. Honestly you both looked like lovesick fools, but who’s to judge when you both are so happy!

“Are you having a good time?” There was a look of worry on his face, afraid that he had let you down.

“Oh, sweetheart! I’m having the best time. Thank you for making today so much better!” A wave of relief washed over his face and he took your hand giving a kiss on the back of it.

That was when you realized Steven Grant Rogers would always be there for you. He was the little guy from Brooklyn who you could always rely on. His heart was always in the best place and he never failed to make your whole day enjoyable.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings  /  the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

[blackidyll]

.

mmm i’ve been kind of in a mental spiral lately (literally feels like i’m having an existential crisis 70% of the time). like you know, 2020 was super fucked up but as time went by we all kind of adjusted? and things are not fine but you can juggle all the balls just so and breathe a little, but a couple of weeks back something tipped the balance for me and it’s like mentally i’ve been thrown off the cliff 

i can pinpoint what threw me out of whack though -- at the end of feb we got the call to return to onsite for work (my country went back into lockdown in november... we’re technically still under lockdown but employers don’t give af anymore i guess). we’re supposed to be on team a/b (team a goes in/team b works from home one week, second week the teams alternate) but i was pulled into this project immediately upon my return to the office, and i went into the office every. single. work day. in march. and because this project was so damn urgent? i was working my weekends. i worked every single day for three weeks straight until i threw a (silent) fit the final weekend and refused to open my email, and even then one of the managers was calling me at 5:20 pm that Friday as i was about to shut down my laptop. 

“luckily” i am good friends with that manager - a colleague who got the promotion recently - so i literally scream-ranted at him 80% of the time and then kicked him off the phone at 5:45 because i was fucking going to my apartment that weekend and I REFUSE TO WORK ANYMORE IT IS OFF WORK HOURS.

anyway. i am kind of not doing great. work is a mess. in october last year i was approached by my manager’s manager for a job role that was 1) effective immediately but 2) “i can’t actually tell you any details about it because it involves P&C information 3) also you can’t tell anyone because re: P&C. 

i said yes, because it’s not like i could say no (like, it’s nice they phrased it as a question and all, but i’m pretty sure the underlying message was that this is a job transfer, not a new job role offer). 

so after i said yes to the new role, i got to learn what it involved! long story short, suddenly i wasn’t working for just a manager - my new boss is getting a major promotion so the stakes are a million times higher! also, my new role reflects that, i am not only supporting literally only the VPs and senior managers (instead of working with my fellow rank and file colleagues) now, but it also involves skillsets that i don’t actually fucking have (like tracking/reporting finances! i spent my first three weeks in the new job almost crying over numbers and spreadsheets. even now i get a bit panicky when someone throws me a curveball and i don’t know how to get the information i need. i am very lucky that the actual data and finance people have been very patient with my gaps).

and to top it off, i am still just a fucking employee, although my job scope and requirements are so much more now. every single person i work with is a manager or higher so of course with their cushy pay and privileges they take the odd/long hours, and since I have the work with them I end up having to do the same. but it’s not the same because i don’t get the same fucking compensation they do and i don’t have a team that works under me. I don’t actually want that. I want work-life balance and less fucking stress. if you ask me if i would have taken the job if i knew what it involved, the honest answer is that I would not. 

(but it’s not like I had a choice really, because literally the entire company - not just our division - went through a major reorganization, so if i didn’t have my current job i think i would have no job). 

and to be fair my boss is pretty decent as far bosses go. he subjects himself to the same crazy hours that we do. he doesn’t scream or yell (like some horror stories i’ve definitely heard of others in the org). he values my work, and makes sure to tell me so. i did get a pay raise. he mentioned trying to push through a promotion mid-year (let’s see if that pans out). he knows i was very much out of my depth and gave me a lot of leeway despite the mistakes i inevitably make, but on the other hand he also got me into this fucking situation so :<

anyway. i don’t know. i’ve been struggling a lot since last october. every month and quarter close is a financial reporting and review nightmare. having to deal with office politics is hell. i was not joking when i say that playing genshin was literally the only thing keeping me sane those early months, because gaming forces me to not think/panic over work because i have to concentrate on the battles. and this past few weeks i have been depressed enough that even gaming lost its spark for me. 

i haven’t been on tumblr much lately and probably will continue to be sporadically active in the future. when i was working from home i could log in during breaks and take a breather, but now that i’m back in the office i can’t even get on twitter on my phone (because engineering company, i can’t get a good data signal inside the office due to the shielding, and i am sure as hell not checking my social media using the work wifi). i don’t really have much energy after i get home from work. and when things are bad a lot of other things kind of pile up, like falling sick easier and interrupted sleep, and the it becomes this cycle of everything just dragging you down. today i worked from home but tomorrow i’m due back in the office. 

i’m sorry if you’ve messaged me and i haven’t responded. it’s been.. really difficult. i’m hanging in here. i just don’t know when i can find my balance again. 

on a bright side? i am really, really looking forward to building houses in genshin. the thought of it feels really calming. guess they knew what they were doing when they named it serenitea pot. 

[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 14

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows 

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: E

Word Count: 2113

Chapter Summary: You bond with your flatmates and friends over a night on the town, and meet some more of the dangerous creatures that roam the streets of Wellington. On a night out with your flatmate, you once again run into the strange man you may have known, but instead of clarifying anything, the mystery gets thicker.

Stu was every bit as good as his word. He’d come over one evening and installed a wifi router and desktop computer. He also set up your flatmates’ new mobile phones. In those acts alone he’d gone above and beyond. He didn’t stop there, though. Stu had stayed for hours, late into the night, to teach them how the technology worked. And throughout it all, he had been bombarded with the dumbest questions and a great level of incompetence. At one point, Viago and Deacon had even suggested Googling Viago’s one hundred year old lost scarf. But now, the vampires all had their own social media accounts and basic mastery over texting, Google, TradeMe, the works.

You were expecting to hear of Stu’s upcoming canonization any day now.

The novelty of it all hadn’t yet worn off of your flatmates, so you’d been keeping your phone on silent. Otherwise, it would be pinging all day with notifications from them. Looking at your phone now, you found a Words With Friends request from Viago, three texts from Deacon, and one from Vladislav.

It had been about five minutes since you last looked at your phone.

Deacon’s texts were all asking whether or not you were going out with them tonight. Nick had organized a night on the town that included Stu, and you had been invited along as well. As Stu still didn’t know that Nick, or anyone for that matter, was a vampire, the night would solely be about having fun. No victims. Thankfully.

You texted Deacon back that you were planning on going. He was right downstairs. It would probably be easier just to shout your answer. But, they still found the phones new and exciting, and so you were willing to indulge them a bit.

“Y/N!”

Speaking of shouts…

You found your flatmates gathered in the lounge, looking at pictures of themselves on their smartphones, analyzing their own outfits.

Upon seeing you, Viago smiled widely. “Y/N, we need a human opinion on our clothes for tonight.”

You looked each of them up and down, disappointed but not surprised by what you saw. Each was dressed like an absolute clown, which wasn’t all that unusual for their going out clothes, but you still couldn’t understand. It wasn’t as though they were ever the epitome of fashion forward, but their day to day clothes weren’t nearly as bad as the clusterfuck outfits they wore out on the town.

Vladislav actually dressed fairly attractively on the day to day. It was odd sometimes, but it always worked. He usually wore a low cut black top that exposed his chest, tight black pants, and black leather boots. Instead of that smart look, he currently wore cream pants with a red athletic stripe down the side, a ruffled red shirt with his chest exposed, of course, and a brown fur vest. He completed the monstrous ensemble with a top hat.

Usually Viago usually dressed like he stepped out the wrong century. Dated, but not inherently horrible. He currently wore one of his 19th century ruffled tops and coordinating vests, but now with a pair of camouflage joggers.

Deacon was irredeemable, and always dressed like an idiot. At least he was consistent.

The last time you had helped them put together somewhat wearable outfits, it had taken over an hour. You really didn’t want to deal with that right now. You were supposed to leave in a half hour to meet Nick and Stu, and you still had to change. Tonight was just about having a good time; they didn’t need to attract victims. They didn’t even have to worry about getting into clubs. Apparently, Nick knew the bouncer at Boogie Wonderland. It really didn’t matter how stupid they looked.

“Looks good, guys.”

“I told you,” Deacon snapped at Vladislav.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” Viago asked, a barely hidden grimace on his face, as if he had any room to judge.

You’d already put on your makeup and fixed your hair; you only had to get dressed. You looked down at your body, currently clad in paint covered sweatpants and a worn hoodie. “Uh, no?”

“Oh, good. You should probably go change. It’s almost time to go.”

As if they weren’t the ones who called you downstairs…

“Good idea.”

You ran back upstairs, shedding your comfortable clothes and replacing it with your favorite black dress. You’d worn it the last time you went out with the guys, but hopefully they wouldn’t remember. You had other club-worthy clothes, but this dress was on another level. Why mess with a good thing?

~

You adjusted your favorite little black dress in the mirror, not bothering to make sure your cross necklace was still in place beneath it; you never took it off anymore.

The bathroom door opened, letting in the noise of the thumping bass from the club.

“Y/N? You in here?”

“I’m here, Dawn.”

“You okay? You’ve been in here a while.”

“I’m okay. The music was a bit loud. Just needed a second.” A partial truth. The music didn’t bother you, but you did need a breather, a little alone time.

“Do you want to leave?”

“No,” you walked towards her and the exit. “Let’s go back out.”

As you walked out together, the song changed, and Dawn excitedly grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the dance floor.

“I love this song!” she shouted over the pulsing music.

Dawn worked on yanking you out onto the dance floor, pulling you through the throngs of bodies. You stopped in your tracks, though, halting Dawn from where her hand still held yours, when you recognized a face in the crowd.

“Y/N?”

“That’s him,” you told her, not looking away from his face. “That’s the man I saw at Boogie Wonderland that night.”

He looked just the same, even wearing the same jacket, though this time with a pair of horribly mismatched pants. You pointed him out to Dawn.

“What do I do?” you asked. Clearly he hadn’t wanted to talk to you.

“I’ll talk to him,” she offered. “I’ll see what I can find out. Go! Don’t let him notice you!”

Dawn pushed you towards the bar, and made her way deeper into the crowd, towards the man you may have known. Settling onto a stool, you watched as Dawn approached the man. She cozied up to him, danced a little too provocatively, placed a hand on his arm. He seemed startled, at first, by her flirtatious attention, before visibly warming up to it.

“Anything for you?”

You jumped at the question, but turned to answer the bartender. “No thanks, I’m waiting on a friend.” You gestured vaguely at the crowd.

You returned your gaze to the packed dance floor, looking for the familiar faces of Dawn and the man. You scoured the crowd for a good minute or so, before realizing that they weren’t there. Where had they gone? Had he fled from her too?

You all but jumped from the barstool, heading out the front door to see if you could still find them. You were looking up the street, trying to spot either of them in the foot traffic, when Dawn literally bumped into you from the side.

“Y/N?” she asked as she caught her balance. “What are you doing out here?”

“Me? I was looking for you. What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I thought you were still in the bathroom, so I was coming to find you. I think I spaced out, though, and sort of auto-piloted out here instead.”

“The bathroom? No. I was at bar, while you were talking to that guy. What did you find out?”

“Find out? About what? What guy?”

Realization crashed over like an icy bucket of water.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Getting up to look for you in the bathroom.”

“And before that?” You could hear clearly the urgency in your own voice.

“I was just sitting at the bar waiting for you. You said you were going to the bathroom, and you didn’t come back for almost twenty minutes.”

You looked up and down the street again, looking anew for the man.

“Y/N? What happened? What’s wrong?”

~

It seemed that your flatmates had enjoyed Boogie Wonderland even more than they had Red Square. Viago went on and on about their light up dance floor, and Vladislav didn’t even leave said dance floor once. Deacon even managed to have a good time, and once he’d stopped pouting and complaining about Nick, he’d dragged you onto the dance floor and kept you occupied until you physically needed a break. You’d even gotten to know Stu a little better, bonding over the subpar snacks served at the bar. You’d had more fun than you expected, and were throughly worn out as you walked back towards the bus stop as a group.

You were laughing at a joke Nick had told when Viago interrupted the conversation. “Do you smell that?”

You sniffed the air. It didn’t smell great, of course, but it just smelled like city air. You couldn’t discern anything out of the ordinary.

“Werewolves,” Deacon hissed.

Nick glanced worriedly at Stu.

“Don’t start anything. Just keep walking,” Vladislav advised the group.

There was a group of men walking towards you, a few more in number than your group, but similar in age. Where they the werewolves? There was no one else around.

As you passed each other, Deacon let out a, “Look out, guys. Don’t catch fleas.”

“Deacon!” Viago scolded.

The other group stopped while Vladislav reiterated, “Keep walking.” Both groups ignored him, instead turning to face one another.

“We heard that!” one of the other group called back.

“Yeah, mate, we’ve got sensitive hearing,” another added.

“Oh, have you?” Deacon taunted.

“Yeah!”

“Why don’t you go smell your own crotches?”

“We don’t smell our own crotches; we smell each other crotches, and it’s a form of greeting.”

You wrinkled your nose. Viago did the same. You saw Stu looking around questioningly. You could hardly blame him.

“Maybe we should just go, guys,” you offered.

“Yeah,” one of the werewolves said. “Why don’t you ladies just go home?”

Deacon stiffened. “Who are you calling a lady?” He stepped closer to the opposite group, into one of their personal space, and was immediately, forcefully shoved back. Deacon hissed.

Viago removed one of his gloves, while one of the werewolves made a disparaging remark about it. That same werewolf was then promptly and, somehow, politely slapped across the face with the glove.

“Hey, what the fuck!”

“Don’t swear!” another from his group chastised. “We’re gonna lose it!”

The situation escalated. Deacon started shouting obscenities as a few werewolves snarled and were held back by their friends. A few of their eyes reflected the moonlight in a wholly inhuman way. Nick stepped in front of Stu, and Vladislav shouted as he grabbed your arm, yanking you behind him. You stepped aside to look at the werewolves, but were quickly pushed back.

“Stay back there!” he snapped at you.

You poked your head around his body to see, but otherwise stayed put.

“Calm down! It’s not a full moon,” the werewolf who had last spoken addressed the group as they collectively calmed, taking deep breaths and talking each other down. “Thanks a lot guys,” he said to your group. “We didn’t want this to happen.”

A few of their group howled loudly as they left. Viago, Vladislav, and Deacon hissed at their retreating forms.

“Are you okay, Stu?” Stu didn’t seem to hear Viago, still staring at the werewolves, growing smaller in the distance.

“Hey, man, it’s cool.” Nick slapped him on the shoulder and led him away, asking Viago, “Were those really werewolves?”

You still stood in the same spot, looking after the werewolves you could no longer see, more intrigued than frightened. Vladislav stood with you as the other four continued on.

“Y/N?” he asked. “Are you alright?”

You nodded, finally tearing your eyes from were the werewolves had been, and looking up at Vladislav. You could see the concern written plainly on his face.

“I’m fine. It’s just wild. Real life werewolves… crazy.”

He sighed in relief. “I thought you were frightened.”

You shrugged. “Maybe a little, when things were getting pretty heated. But it all happened so fast, there wasn’t really time to be scared.”

He simply nodded. “Good.”

“Thank you, though, for looking out for me,” you told him. “For protecting me.”

He shrugged off your thanks. “I didn’t really think about it. Humans can’t protect themselves from a werewolf the way a vampire can. You could have been in danger.”

“Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

[azizi-kellerfamilyadventure]

Reflection of the last 6 weeks of travelling on the road....

Yay! I'm finally getting around to starting my blog all about our travelling adventures around the US.! This is a my first time blogging so my kids would definitely call me a "noob" (thank you Minecraft!). I personally prefer the name "newbie" instead...lol

So here it goes......after a lot of persuasion on my part (close to 2 years of trying to convince my husband to tap out of this rat race with me and the kids to slow things down and enjoy our life together while travelling the US) and a lot of planning on both our parts (another year once he agreed to my crazy plan), we began on our Epic Travelling Adventure on March 15th!

6 weeks into it we have really truly only explored Arizona but we are not complaining because oh my goodness......Arizona is absolutely beautiful! It's so nice to know that since we live in CA we can come back and explore again and again! Plus we did get to spend some wonderful quality time with family from both sides 2 of those 6 weeks!

Next we are heading to Utah. We made a pit stop near 4 corners hoping we could have the kids take pictures while being in all 4 states at once. But unfortunately, it was still closed due to Covid. While that was a bummer, the kids still thought it was cool that they could go from Arizona, New Mexico and Colorado all within 5 minutes of each other! We haven't explored Utah before so Michael and I are super excited about the next couple of weeks!

This trip has already been so wonderful for our kids. Not only have they been able to spend time with some quality time with their cousins on both sides of the family but they have also really enjoyed getting to meet and play with other kids from all over the country. Surprisingly, our idea is not as novel as I originally thought....lol. We have met SO many families who are doing what we are doing. A lot of them do have one parent who is still working remotely while the other parent focuses on home schooling their children. There are not many families where both parents are not working so we know we are truly fortunately! Really the only people we meet who are not working are those who have retired and their kids are grown up.

Another thing that I have enjoyed seeing is that my kids can stay connected to most of the kids they meet virtually through games like Roblox or Minecraft! And while I'm not a huge proponent of games and many aspects of our new "tech world" (for example my kids wanting to get on youtube to watch other people live their lives!), I'm happy to report that this is one aspect of the virtual video game world that I'm ok with....lol

So I was never really worried about my kids not having opportunities to socialize with other kids since I know that my kids are super social and make friends easily both with kids and adults, the real surprise for me was how wonderful the camping community has been! Everyone is just so kind, friendly and helpful. We have learned so much and received so many great tips from so many amazing people at almost each campsite we have been too. I would say that we have felt the community vibe at almost all of the Thousand Trails campgrounds and would highly recommend anyway interested in camping to sign up for a membership! (Btw....if you are interested in learning more about a membership just reach out and I can give you some information on it)

After avoiding people for so long due to Covid, it's been so wonderful for all of us to connect with people again! While we started off strong wearing masks every where we went, we have loosened up quit a bit each day. Since Michael and I have been vaccinated and we don't see my parents often while travelling, we seemed to be less worried about it. Plus, many people that we meet have been vaccinated so that's always a good thing too!

To be fair, honest and realistic about our experiences, I'm going to include my top 5 "not so fabulous" things about our travelling adventures.

5) Not having enough space for cooking! OMG! Even the simplest dinners are challenging to make because there's just not enough counter space on our kitchen. And did I mention that I have to constantly take out or put back our air fryer, blender, toaster oven....and the list continues! And I still haven't used the instapot! It's so big I don't know where to put it...lol

4) Making my bed! So I love making my bed in the morning. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and I just like to look at a clean bed. While our bed is SUPER comfortable so no complaints there, it's a King Size bed but there's not a King Size space for the bed. I literally have to get on my bed to make my bed. I know that doesn't even make any sense but believe me when I say it sucks and I'm not how sure how long the "daily making of my bed" is going to last...lol

3) So...one of the main reasons of this trip was to spend more quality time with the kids. Umm...I'm now thinking it would have been smarter if we could have traveled throughout the US in our actual house. I mean literally take our house on the road. My kids seem to think it's an actual home. They still want to play hide and seek, tag, and the boys constantly want to wrestle. I keep reminding them that our RV is at max 240 sq. ft of living space so we can't treat it like our house back in Temecula. But I'm confident it's going in one ear out the other.

And I'm not quite sure how I forgot but I did... the arguing! It's kind of driving me a little crazy. And of course it mostly happens on our travelling days or when it's raining outside but oh my goodness! I think I used to just walk away and let them figure it out on their own but now I don't really have a place to hide. Did I mention that we lack space?!? LOL

On a positive note, almost every adult with kids whom my children have played with have literally made a point to come and tell us how well behaved, kind and wonderful our kids are. I smile and thank them for their kind words. But I can't lie....every once in a while really I just want to show them the video of them arguing about 30 minutes earlier....lol

2) Laundry! Ugh! I wish we would have purchased an RV with a washer and dryer. We are considering purchasing at least a washer but we need to find room for it first! Did I mention that we struggle with a lack of space...lol. In the meantime, I've literally been having the kids wear there clothes two days in a row (easier for Milah to do than the boys...ugh!) But don't worry, they are still changing their underwear and socks everyday...lol

1) Wifi! Where is this 5G network I've been hearing about because I can't seem to find it! When I was thinking of a name for my blog I was highly considering "wifi hunter extraordinaire". This has been my #1 thorn in my side. We decided to let the kids finish off their school year at their traditional public school since online was an option. Our thought was that it would make for an easier transition for them and it was only 8 weeks after spring break. Can we say "hindsight is 20/20"! I plan on homeschooling them next school year and should have just made the switch when we left. Don't get me wrong, the kids teachers are awesome! Super supportive and really try to be flexible but we still feel tied to being online at certain times for the zoom classes. I'm definitely counting down the days until they are done with school this year (29 days!)

But the most difficult thing about being on the road has been being away from my parents, brothers, sister-in-law, nieces and cousins in southern CA. Family has always been so very important to me and have always been a part of my "happy place". I wish I could take them all of with me on this epic journey. But for now, I'm once again thankful for technological advances like face time! (if only I could get reliable connection while on the road or at our campsites I would be much more thankful...ugh!)

Okey Dokey Artichokey....that's it for today! The good, the bad and the ugly for our first 6 weeks on the road. This took me longer than I expected to reflect upon our travelling experiences on the road so I will definitely be posting more often and not as lengthy....I think...lol

The rain has let up and the kid's movie is almost done so it's time to get the kids outside to burn off some energy then shower up and make some dinner...

Signing off for now....

~Durana

[octothorpetopus]

I Forgot That You Existed (Part 1)

Link to part 2

"Yeah, we're not so worried about you not 'getting some.'" Frank put air quotes around the words.

"Well, we kind of are. It's just that the 'some' we're worried about you not getting is emotional fulfillment."

"True." Richie looked back and forth between his friends.

"Guys, I'm not getting a fucking online dating profile. I'm not forty. Stop bugging me."

"Richie, we're worried about you."

"What the hell are you, my mother?"

"Just download the fucking app, Tozier." Frank snatched the phone out of Richie's hand and held it just out of reach. Nina held Richie back as he reached for it.

"You motherfucker, give me my phone back!" Frank didn't respond.

"Say cheese!" He snapped a picture of Richie, who had sat sullenly back down. He typed speedily for a few moments (Frank's typing skills were the envy of all rapid-fire texters), then pressed a button. There was a soft whoosh as the profile was posted, and Frank tossed Richie his phone back.

"Fuck you, Frank." The phone chimed and all three of them gathered around to look at it.

"Holy shit," Nina said softly. "You got a match."

Meanwhile, in an LAX waiting room, Eddie Kaspbrak's phone buzzed in his back pocket. He ignored it, focusing instead on the pitch he was mentally writing and the steady sound his suitcase made as he rolled it back and forth in short paces. He hated investor meetings, but it was his company, and he had to get it off the ground if he ever wanted to be anything more than a 34-year-old asthmatic business major with no friends, no life, and no idea where he was going. Metaphorically. Literally, he was going to the Los Angeles Hilton, if his cab would ever get here. His phone buzzed again. He sighed and pulled it out.

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MATCH read the notification. He swiped and opened the phone. The wheel in the middle of the screen spun for what seemed like hours. Shitty airport WiFi. Finally, a profile popped up. The guy in the picture was... alright, he guessed. There was something a little oddball about him. And a little familiar, too. But then, maybe he just had one of those faces. Or, he realized, maybe he was a stand-up comedian that he’d seen in New York last year. Eddie smiled to himself, amused by the coincidence. At the time, he had no idea just how deep that coincidence really went.

“He’s kinda cute,” Nina offered and shrugged.

”I don’t know. He’s got sort of a sad puppy look. It’s a little off-putting.”

”Nobody asked you, Frank.”

”Nobody asked you either, Nina.”

”Both if you shut up.” Richie held up a hand to silence them. “Look, if I go on this one date, will you promise to get off my ass about getting a date?” Nina and Frank looked at each other and nodded.

”Deal.”

”Fine, then.” Richie’s thumb hovered above the LIKE button. “But what if-?”

”Oh, just shut up!” Nina exclaimed, and pushed the button for him.

Eddie considered it briefly. He was only in LA for a few days, maybe a week. There would be no second date, no relationship to come from this. Still, he couldn’t quite shake the voice in his head telling him yes, that this was important. And besides, what was the harm? Lots of people only went on one date. He pressed the LIKE button too.

”Fuck me,” he whispered as a message popped up on the screen.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Both of you liked each other!

Now you can start chatting.

Make a date, and hopefully, a connection.

Eddie rolled his eyes. This was the exact kind of cheesy bullshit he hadn't wanted when he had signed up for this app a year ago on a whim. A chat window opened up.

This is the start of your messages with RICHIE TOZIER

RICHIE TOZIER IS TYPING...

Richie had sent Nina and Frank away. He was tired and annoyed and frankly, talking to strangers on the internet (something he vaguely recalled his mother telling him never to do) sounded far more appealing than trying to deal with his friends at the moment. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, hesitating. What could he... say? "Hi, you're kind of hot?" "You ever date a comedian?" Maybe he'd just skip words and go directly to emojis. And then it came to him, a line he used to use on girls all the time back in school (girls who were well-above his league, and he knew it).

This is the start of your messages with EDWARD KASPBRAK

RICHIE TOZIER: I could use some spare change, and you're a dime.

He felt stupid even as he wrote it, but he pressed send before he had a chance to give it a second thought. Well, he thought, there goes that idea. And then, Edward Kaspbrak started typing.

Eddie was in his cab now, staring down at the absolutely asinine pick-up line he'd just been sent by a man who was at best a 6 and a half. But once again, he had a sense of déjà vu. Not just like he had heard that line before, but like it was somehow meaningful. If it had been anyone else, he was sure he would've ignored the message and moved on. But it wasn't just anyone, and even if Eddie didn't quite know why he remembered Richie Tozier, he wasn't giving up quite yet.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: You use that line on all the boys?

RICHIE TOZIER: I've got a whole library full of them, I don't need to reuse that one.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: Hey, this might sound weird, but have we met before? I have the weirdest feeling that we have.

RICHIE TOZIER: I'm pretty sure I would've remembered meeting you, dude.

Eddie flushed scarlet in the back of the cab. He couldn't remember the last time someone had said something like that to him. Truly, he couldn't.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: I'm probably wrong. Anyway, are you free tonight?

Richie thought for a moment. He was supposed to go get drinks with some other comedian buddies of his, then maybe crash an open-mic night that they had frequented in their early comedy days. But then he looked back at the man on his phone, the one who looked just a little bit sad even though he was smiling as widely as can be in his picture, and typed out a quick reply.

RICHIE TOZIER: I actually am. I know a good place, pretty quiet. I'll text you the address. You eaten yet?

EDWARD KASPBRAK: Yeah, why?

RICHIE TOZIER: The drinks are good, but the food... it's good that you already ate.

Eddie fussed with his hair one last time in the hotel mirror. It just... wouldn't sit right, even though it looked exactly like it always did. And his clothes, all he had was what he’d brought for business meetings and casual dress, nothing like what he’d normally wear on a date. He checked his watch again. He had given himself fifteen minutes to get there, even though the concierge at the hotel told him it’d take maybe ten, if traffic was bad, and since it was a Wednesday it probably wouldn't be.

To say Eddie hadn't been on a date in awhile would be an understatement. He hadn't been on a first date in seven months. He hadn't been on a second date in a year and a half. He hadn't been on a third date in three years. And as for his last real relationship... well, Eddie had never been in a real relationship. Not that he could remember, anyway. In college, there had been a four-month thing with a girl, but that was mostly just to please his mother. He and the girl (Rosa was her name) had been good friends, and still were, but their whole relationship had been something of a friendship with a few awkward makeout sessions thrown in for good measure. The fact that he didn't like women was probably a factor in his disastrous relationships, both with women and with his mother, but she had been dead for three years this October and he was finally living the way he had always meant to. He just... hadn't gotten around to it when she was still alive.

He took one last look in the mirror. He wasn't satisfied, but then, when was he ever? It was a warm early summer night, so he thought he'd walk. Or maybe he shouldn't. There would surely be people smoking outside, and with his asthma...

Similarly, Richie was trying on his third outfit. He had tried just the Hawaiian shirt, then just a T-shirt and leather jacket, and then all three simultaneously. Funnily enough, the multi-layered look was his favorite.

"You got this, Richie." He looked himself in the eyes (through the mirror, not any kind of crazy witchcraft shit), and cracked a grin. "Except that you're talking to yourself. Fuckin' weirdo." But he grew sober, and his fingers tapped nervously against the side of his leg.

Richie didn't date, per se, but he went out a lot, and then went home, usually with a different guy, although he had been known to call up an old flame from time to time. He had dated, and he wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but he was, not to toot his own horn, famous. And usually, famous guys, especially ones that weren't classically hot, didn't get dates. They got laid.

His Mustang was parked in the driveway, and even before he started it the wind off the ocean whipped his hair into a frenzy. As he sped off into the Santa Monica sunset, the butterflies in his stomach began to dissipate. This was going to be different. He could feel it.

Eddie had been waiting outside the bar for almost ten minutes. It was his fault, of course, for getting there so early, but the pacing outside the front door did nothing to calm his nerves. Nor did the gentle roar of the cherry-red Mustang that pulled up next to the curb, nor did the profoundly familiar face that got out of it. Richie Tozier walked two paces towards him and stopped in his tracks, his eyes even wider behind his fishbowl glasses than usual. Eddie spoke first, his vocal cords hardly functional.

"Holy-"

"-shit," Richie finished. All of a sudden, everything clicked into place. Why the name had sounded so familiar, and the face had been even more so. Why he had been so nervous in the first place. Eddie fumbled in the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a gray piece of plastic. His inhaler. He took two quick puffs of it and shook his head, as if in a stupor. Richie, who had screeched to a halt upon seeing his childhood friend (and first love, but that was another story), started again, and hugged Eddie with a force he didn't know he had in him. Eddie hugged him back, just as tightly.

"Holy shit, man," Eddie repeated.

"Yeah." They finally released each other and Richie took a step back, looking Eddie up and down. "Damn, Eds. You're looking good."

"So are you." Richie shook his head.

"I feel like such a fucking moron, but... I didn't even realize it was you until I saw you just now. You're going by Edward now?"

"Not... not really. And to tell you the truth, I only thought I recognized you because I saw one of your shows when you were in New York last winter." Richie laughed, deep and warm.

"Shit. Was it any good? Wait, don't answer that."

"It was great."

"Well, um... since we're here..." Richie gestured at the bar's frosted glass doors. "Want to get a drink?" Eddie smiled, and his dimples were craters in his cheeks.

"Yeah. I really do."

[ahnsael]

Two years later, the last physical remnant of the trouble I got into is going away tomorrow.

The DMV removed the restriction from my license today (it was a three hour wait, which I didn’t expect going in the middle of the week at opening time, but I’m glad I got it done -- I could have done it a month ago but was nervous about the process of getting these last loose ends tied), and after a couple games of phone tag between the manufacturer of the device and the auto shop which services it to finalize approval on both of their ends, tomorrow I get the ignition interlock removed from my car.

Now there’s just the SR-22 insurance for two more years before I can go back to regular insurance (but the SR-22 isn’t much more expensive than the regular version anyway).

We have a guy at work who’s mind isn’t in it lately. Because he just his FOURTH DUI. His third was a legal battle (three in seven years becomes a felony and involves prison time and there was a question as to whether it was from the occurrence of the first one or the sentencing and the court gave him the benefit of the doubt but then he did it AGAIN two months later). I don’t see how you don’t learn your lesson after the first one. And even if not then, the punishment is more severe for subsequent instances. So he’s looking at a lengthy prison sentence this time.

I got 48 hours. Well, technically 62 days, but 60 days were suspended pending my completion of other court-ordered responsibilities like both group and individual counseling, DUI school, a victim’s impact panel (in which victims of crashes caused by drunk drivers told their stories -- including some VERY graphic images), being under the watch of “alternative sentencing” for a year (basically that meant zero drinking, random tests to see whether I had had anything to drink, home visits to see if I had any alcohol around, all of which punishable by either a day in jail or kicking in the entire 60-day suspended sentence), having an interlock installed in ANY car I might drive for a year after reinstating my license (I only drive my own so I only needed the one, at $67 per month which from what I’m told is a pretty good price; I’ll have to pay “$50-$60 or somewhere around there, I’m not entirely sure” tomorrow when I get it removed but it SUCKS for people with no credit/debit card because it’s literally the ONLY way you’re allowed to pay, keeping low-income people without a card from being able to fulfill that obligation and that order does NOT expire a year from sentencing, it expires one year FROM WHEN YOU REINSTATE YOUR LICENSE and you can’t reinstate your license until you have the device installed -- I had to show the DMV the installation paperwork last year), and SR-22 insurance (including Statement of financial Responsibility -- that’s the SR part) for three years.

At one point as I talked to the (actually very nice) DMV lady today she asked whether I still had the device installed or whether it had already been removed. She framed it as a way to say “Show them this temporary license which shows no restriction and they’ll be able to remove it” but I’m guessing it was a “gotcha” question, as removing it before having the restriction removed from my license would have violated the restriction of my license. But I bet they get people saying “My year was up last week so I had it removed,” therefore getting themselves in more trouble (I was actually half-expecting them to want to see it in my car, maybe punch some buttons and get my latest statistics as far as “has he had any violations since the last time he had it serviced and we were sent his data?” but that didn’t happen...I also had the original installation paperwork and the original court order in my jacket pocket just in case, since I had to show both when I reinstated my license, even though they scanned them at the time -- when I first reinstated my license they forgot the restriction so I had to go back and have them put it on). I’m also wondering whether the three-hour wait was intentional, since most people are there for renewals or new licenses or to change their address or register a vehicle, and those of us in the “C” group broke the law, which was why we were there. Kind of makes me feel like they were testing our patience to see if we gave them attitude about seeing SO MANY people who got there after us called first. But I was as nice to the DMV lady as I would have been had I waited 10 minutes, and by the end the lady next to her behind the counter was complimenting my Genie tie (Genie from Aladdin -- I went there straight from work this morning so I was still dressed up from work).

An interesting aside...I shave my head, but have a beard. I asked the lady, pointing to the gray under my chin, “At what point to I change my official hair color to gray?” (the color listed on the original police report). She said it was basically up to me, and that I could even put “bald” if I wanted to since I shave my head, but sometimes the hair grows out a bit between shavings and I want to make sure I’m in compliance. But I pointed to my eyebrows as evidence of the “brown” that I put down, and she accepted that. She said switching to “gray” is pretty much up to me as long as SOME of the original color remains, but then we shared a laugh about people with completely gray hair who put down “black” as their hair color (that was when I pointed out my non-graying eyebrows as evidence that while I do have some gray in there, it still is mostly brown).

She also laughed when I said the only “stat” that had changed in the past 13 months since reinstating my license was my weight, which I upped by 15 pounds for honesty’s sake. She said she NEVER would have done that, but then I said that I used to be about 35 pounds more than I am now, so I’m pretty good with where I’m at and would rather be accurate on a REAL ID-compliant license -- even though weight fluctuates, the weight I put is my average these days.

And after I got a little worried about phone battery after playing cell phone games for an hour, I then spent the next two hours *almost* finishing Rolly Crump’s book “It’s Kind of a Cute Story,” which I hadn’t picked up in so long that the Kindle app had updated and completely forgotten where I had left off (I only realized that I read two chapters that I had already read when I came upon a section that I had highlighted). I’m about halfway through the last chapter now. The Kindle app takes a LOT less battery than playing a game that has to communicate with the internet (especially since the DMV’s WiFi was worse than Disneyland’s as far as reliability, which is kind of saying a lot).

But anyway, other than the (only slightly) higher insurance bill for the next two years, all of this kerfuffle will be behind me tomorrow. No more breathing into my car before I can start it. No more worrying that “I bartended this morning, and I spilled some on my pants...will the interlock pick that up and fail me? (it happened a couple times, as did using an alcohol-based window de-icer this winter and then having the fumes from the can in the car when I tried to start it; I learned to leave the can outside the car after using it, but there are “rolling tests” where they are trying to see if you drank after starting the car and have six minutes to provide a passing same of breath and so I would have to pull over, remove the can, and then re-take the test to make sure I didn’t get COMPLETELY locked out -- I did have violations based on this, but found out a week ago when I emailed the DMV that it takes four consecutive months of such violations for the terms of the interlock to be extended, even if I had to air out my car before I could successfully start my car at the time).

After those violations, I was worried my time was going to be extended, so I was SO happy to receive a reply from the DMV last week telling me that they had looked at my records, and I was good to get the restriction removed. I had thought ANY violation would result in “more time with this thing in my car.”

And on the WAY to the DMV...I ran into a problem I’ve run into a couple times in the past couple months.

Ever since getting the interlock serviced in December, I’ve had issues with it rebooting itself.

Now, if you turn off the car with a pending test, that’s another violation. And the thing would tell me to breathe into it (it’s actually more throat-humming with this device -- it prevents someone taking a lungful of fresh air and then breathing in to beat it; humming in your throat means air from INSIDE of you is going through and it can detect alcohol you maybe thought you could hide).

So there have been times I’ve driven to work, parked, and just before turning off my car the interlock would ask for a “rolling test.” I couldn’t just turn my car off. That would be a violation, which the DMV would hear about. But if I picked the device up and it went blank as I blew into it, then said “Initializing,” I learned NOT to turn the car off (the hard way, when I got a violation for it). Just sit there in the parking spot, engine running, and wait for it to ask for a test again.

On my way to the DMV today, though, the device wanted a “rolling test.” Which I expected. The first “rolling test” can be 5-10 minutes after starting the car, and subsequent tests come every 45 minutes to an hour (and you have six minutes to provide a breath sample before you are locked out). When I drove to Disneyland in September, I can’t even guess as to how many tests I had to take as I drove, to make sure I was still sober.

But today, it asked me to re-test. I did. I heard the tell-tale “click” by my left knee that tells me it just sent a signal to the car that it’s okay to restart if I shut it down. But instead of “PASS” on the screen, the screen was blank. Then it said “initializing.” Then it asked me to test again with a beep. I did so. This time, it not only made the click on my ignition switch to turn it on, but said “PASS” -- fir about a half-second before going back to “INITIALIZING.”

When it came back up, I only had two minutes and 30 seconds left to provide a sample. I thought, “If this thing keeps resetting itself, I’m going to get a violation on the way to the DMV for permission to remove this.”

Fortunately, on the third try, the test was passed WITHOUT the device restarting itself (I am SO glad to get rid of this thing because it’s been doing this a lot for the past two months and while I’m passing the tests, it doesn’t always KNOW that I pass the tests before rebooting itself).

But at 10:00am tomorrow, I get this thing OUT of my car. If it’s anything like the installation, I’ll be there for about an hour. Which will still beat my wait time at the DMV today. I’ll probably finish Rolly Crump’s book and then either play some video games on my phone or start something new to read, like the continuations of the book which I’ve already bought.

But video games are more likely -- this shop, as I’ve seen personally and heard from other customers, does not only good work, but QUICK work, so I don’t want to get too into reading and then be disappointed when they have it done.

[momentofmemory]

it’s almost the end of october, which means one of the greatest, most terrifying exploits known to writers is upon us: NaNoWriMo.

there are plenty of super good survival posts out there, but as this’ll be my seventh time participating (six wins, hoping for a seventh), i thought i’d drop my own set of tips into the mix. i’m going to focus mostly on the practical details of how to write; if you want tips on the writing itself either search the writing/reference tags or pester me to do another one later :P with that said, ~on with the post~

Step One: Figure Out Your Goal

i know, i know, obviously it’s to write 50k, but what does that mean to you? are you expecting

polished prose, ready to send off to a publisher?

being able to write every day? 

just throwing up a bunch of ideas?

a mix of everything?

all of these are valid, but they’re going to require different approaches. if you want jaw-dropping writing, you’re going to need in the ballpark of five or more hours each day, if not more. if you want consistency, you’ll want to look at your normal schedule and set up a couple times you know you can write at. if just you want words, pretty much all you need to make sure is that you squeeze writing time in whenever.

your goal will probably change as the month progresses, and that’s totally fine. just check in every so often to remember a)what you’re working for and b)if it’s actually plausible. speaking of...

Step Two: Realize Your Limitations

1. Typing.

imma get super practical here: your typing speed dictates how fast you can get done. if you write 40wpm (the average), you cannot write the full 1667 in a half hour any more than you can run a mile in under three minutes. it’s honestly not a bad idea to check out your own speed, if only to help you understand yourself better. in my experience, actual writing then works like this (using my max speed, 89, as an example):

Absolute Max: 89 wpm (baseline)

Warring: 70 (75% of baseline)

In the zone: 45 (50% of baseline)

Taking my time, concentrated: 22 (25% of baseline)

anything lower than your max/4 probably means you’re spending a lot of time either researching or staring at the page, so just be aware of that.

2. Time & Focus

this kinda goes without saying, but best case scenario this is at least 1-2 hours of your life a day, or dedicating full Saturday/Sundays if you’re a weekend warrior kind of person. it’s so, so worth it if you can make time for it, but also don’t feel bad if you can’t! doing a half nano (25k) or whatever you want is also a fully acceptable plan.

that said, if you do have time, figure out your focus too. if you’ve never been the kind of person that can type for six hours straight, you will probably not magically become this person when it hits Nov. 1 (though with practice, you might be by Nov. 30). i like trying to write at least 300 before work and another 300 during lunch. that way there’s only 1k left for the evening, and having words on the page just makes me feel better. experiment with different ways of blocking out your time in the first few days and see what works best for you.

3. Don’t Forget You Live in a Body

writing is hard work, you will need to eat brain food! hunching over wrecks your back, stand up and stretch every so often! you will hate existing if you forgo sleep for days! and for the love of charles dickens, patron saint of getting paid by the word, take care of your mother-effing wrists!!

seriously on that last one. i’ve ignored it in the past and thoroughly screwed up my wrists one year; don’t be me. keep in them in a neutral position, do regular stretches, and if you need to, get wrist wraps (i recommend these).

Step Three: Actually Doing the Thing

the previous steps have had pretty broad advice, but now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. these are mostly things i know work for me, and therefore may not for you—adjust to your own needs!

1. Write for 15 Minutes Every Day, Non-Negotiable.

i don’t even mean this is a “write 15 min and then your brain will be tricked into writing more” kinda way, but like, literally. you’re probably not going to be able to do 1667 every day—sometimes you’ll be tired and just won’t have the time. you’re very likely, however, to have 15 minutes, and you’ll want to use them. Doesn’t matter if you write 50 words or 500 in that time, at least you’ll have done something, and that’s usually enough to keep you from feeling like just giving up the next day.

2. You Might Need Physical Spaces

i’m a pretty sensory person when it comes to writing, and having a dedicated writing space is so helpful for me. going back to the idea of being an embodied person, it’s a lot easier to get your brain into a writing mode if your body’s already there. some good options include:

coffee shops (cozy! food!)

a specific room in your home (easily accessed! do what you want!)

libraries (free! quiet!)

a friend’s house (writing buddy! easy access to sounding board!)

all of these places usually have access to wifi, which is a positive.

3. You Definitely Need Digital Spaces

i pretty much always write in the same processor, once again because it helps set the mood. the main options include:

google drive (solid choice, cloud backup, mobile accessible)

dabble writer (cloud backup, links to nano, dark mode, chapter options)

write or die (only for actual writing—a scary but effective motivator; save elsewhere)

word/pages/etc. (ready to go on your computer, formatting options)

scrivener (great plotting tools, detailed interface)

i use dabble writer myself (they’re a nano sponsor, so you can get it free for this month, and as a double bonus you get it half off for the rest of the year if you win). and no, i’m not getting paid to wax poetic about them, but honestly i’ve used it to win the past two years and i adore it. 

anyway my biggest tip here is that i SUPER SUPER DON’T RECOMMEND NON-CLOUD OPTIONS. it’s very risky, but if you must, do a proper back up at least once a week. that shiz is not worth it.

4. The Timer is Your New Best Friend

because i’ve heard this argument before: no, it’s not a crutch, and no, it’s not cheating. it’s literally best practices. i’m personally a big fan of this online timer, and i let it run for 15 min every time i write. after each session i check how many words i wrote, then after maybe a quick 1-2 min break, start over.

you can totally set the timer for longer or shorter periods, depending on what works for you. i’m a fan of the 15 min sessions bc it’s just long enough to get a bit of flow going, and just short enough that i can convince my spacy brain that we can get through it without wandering. it’s also a fantastic length for warring, if you’re down for that.

5. Write That Idea Down for Lewis’s Sake

the original idea for the chronicles of narnia came to c.s. lewis when he was at a restaurant, and thank the lord, he wrote it down on a napkin. he wouldn’t write it until some time later, but if he hadn’t written it down, he might’ve forgotten it. why is this important, you ask?

BC YOU WILL FORGET THINGS.

if you have an idea, write it down in your phone or your notebook or the waterproof paper in your shower, because i don’t care how sure you are that you’ll remember it, you super won’t. i’ve forgotten many solutions to plot holes in my time and i still hold vigils over their graves. don’t be me. write it down.

Step Four: Managing that Inner Critic of Yours

all right, pay attention. i’m not going to tell you not to edit, because i would be a massive hypocrite if i did. i totally edit during nano. the important part is letting your editor help you win, not hurt you. and that means gaming your critic’s system.

1. Have a Dedicated Deletion Section

many people hear “don’t delete anything” and baulk, because for some of us it’s distracting and we want to rewrite that section until it matches our vision. so, i’m here to tell you: delete it!! rewrite entire chapters!! just save the original content as part of your word count. this is another reason i love dabble, bc at the start of nano i just make a separate part of the book, label it “delete”, and any time i’m writing and dislike a sentence/paragraph i just dump it into that folder and move on. this way you still get to keep the numbers (and why shouldn’t you? you wrote them!) while also writing words you actually like. plus, sometimes that line you deleted in ch. 1 winds up being supremely pertinent in ch.15, and now you can just copy/paste it instead of having to try to remember what exactly you’d said.

2. Acknowledge Ranting as a Time Honoured Tradition

think there’s no precedent for that 2K diatribe you wrote on the london underground? well fear not, because you can’t possibly do worse than hugo’s entire chapters worth of content on the french sewer system! or melville’s frankly terrifying obsession with the finer features of whale biology!

like, yeah, maybe you’ll decide later you don’t need it, but for now, embrace that soap box. dead white guys have been doing it for centuries and still get places in college syllabi. the least you can do is give it a place in your word count.

Step Five: Have Fun!

i know, i know, it’s cliche, but seriously. if this isn’t fun, or at least rewarding, why are you doing it anyway? so enjoy it! send passages you’re proud of to your friends! daydream about it in the car on the way to work/school! cry over a notebook about the twist you just came up with! nano’s a time of fun and exploration, and you shouldn’t miss out on it because you’re thinking too much.

also, this might be counter productive to put at the end of an essay on nano, but don’t obsess over reading essays on nano :P there comes a time when one must simply do, and nano is pretty much the definition of that.