#this is literally just off the top of my head not looking through my rec blog or anything

[304files]

i don’t usually write anything outside of the tags, but i HAVE to say this… like it’s too important to me not to lmao

this is genuinely one of the best written fics i’ve ever read. like LITERALLYYYYY a masterpiece, it’s so good. down from the way the sentences are set up to combine into the story and the way the plot unravels itself… spectacular give me 14 of them. it’s so so so good and i’m holding everyone at g*npoint to read this right now!!!! yes the 40k word count was a bit intimidating, but it’s SO WORTH IT!!!

the way you slowly crafted this story between the two of them and their ups and downs is so good it makes me want to kiss the ground you walk on and then steal your brain because i NEED to get on the same level you are. your writing is masterful.

cold hands - psh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis. plot plot plot what is a plot when you can just have vibes and a vague narrative direction... if you MUST know you go to your brother's hockey team back-to-uni party accidentally matching one of the members with your cowgirl barbie costume. hopelessly romantic sunghoon sees this as a sign that the two of you are meant to be together, but you're impossible to read and soon the two of you settle on an ambiguous secret friends with benefits relationship. unfortunately, conflict ensues.

genre. strangers to friends to fwb to lovers..?? its not an asahicore fic if it doesnt have fluff angst AND smut, brothers best friend, jock x nerd type vibe, slight miscommunication put your pitchforks away and hear me out pls it works out i promise, reader has ISSUES 💜 loser loverboy sunghoon, its mostly in his pov, i know nothing about ice hockey

word count. 39.5k 😂

a/n. inspired by @moonlighthoon's request for the 1k trope event! sorry it took ages to write but i hope you like it and that i met ur expectations!!!! hope everyone else enjoys it too, this is the longest fic ive ever written and im quite proud of it, pls pls pls let me know what u thought <333 shoutout to @zreamy .. good luck with your studies, thank u for beta reading and making this fic exponentially better as u always do ⭐️ credit to @/plutism for the dividers :)

Some men never think of it. You did. You’d come along And say you’d nearly brought me flowers But something had gone wrong.

The shop was closed. Or you had doubts - The sort that minds like ours Dream up incessantly. You thought I might not want your flowers.

It made me smile and hug you then. Now I can only smile. But, look, the flowers you nearly brought Have lasted all this while. - Wendy Cope, Flowers

When Sunghoon falls in love, it usually goes as quickly as it came.

Just to name a few:

There had been Ahn Yujin, whose family had moved next to his when he was twelve, and whose dog got on perfectly with his. His crush on the cute girl next door grew with every walk the four of them took but disappeared the second she ditched him to walk home from school with Na Jaemin. 

A few years later, there had been Bae Sumin, who sat in front of him and always had her hair up in a ponytail he found exceedingly pretty. An appointment at the hairdresser was enough for him to stop liking her, as if his interest in her had been laying in the ten centimeters of hair she had cut off. 

In his junior year of high school, there had been Kim Yerim, a college student that tutored him in Math and English. She was three years older, but that didn’t deter him—what did was the fact that she was dating a college graduate. She showed him a picture once, and the guy had biceps probably twice the size of Sunghoon’s. He thought it was safer to give up on her than to fight such a bulky guy five years his senior. 

The first time it stuck was during his first year of college. She was his coach’s daughter and he liked the way she would smile at him when she came to watch their practice. Sunghoon didn’t like to think about her, mainly because even after she broke his heart, for a while there, he continued to love her. 

So, when he first spots you from across the room at the Welcome Back costume party thrown by his hockey team, unintentionally the Cowboy Barbie to his Cowboy Ken, he tries not to read too much into it. Barbie was a hit this summer, it’s an easy and topical costume, of course there’s a pretty girl wearing the same bright pink cowboy hat he is. It doesn’t mean she’s the love of his life.

Right?

He knows you from the pictures that littered the walls of Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewon’s apartment last year, from Instagram posts, both yours and your friends’, from your video calls with Jake, who dragged him into the camera’s view. Say hi to my sister, he’d insist, like Sunghoon was a child who didn’t want to greet his great-great-aunt. He’d dip in to say hi as requested, ask how you were, and mumble me too like a fool when you said you heard so much about him and were excited to meet him in real life. 

These are the things Sunghoon knows about you: Jake’s older sister by a year, currently on a year abroad in Rome, studies something fancy like Classics, which he hadn’t known people still did in the twenty-first century, deep attachment to Stardew Valley in first year, rarely seen with the same man twice, very pretty. Absurdly so. He’s also weirdly obsessed over the texts you’ve sent to the group chat he was added to at the beginning of last year—scarce, short, elusive. Never more than two sentences, and always long after the conversation was over. But sometimes you’d send photos and videos out of nowhere, of your adventures or of funny things you saw online, and he always hearted them. He even replied to it sometimes (brave hahas or that’s so cool!s), in hopes that it would make you like him, would make you think, he gets me. 

The two of you have never formally yet because you left for Italy the year he started university. He’s been nervous about meeting you since the first time the group told him about you. 

Now that he is about to, he can hear his heart thumping so loudly in his ears, it drowns out the bass of the music. He’s glad he gets to see you before having to talk to you—he’s not sure he could take in your presence and form coherent words at the same time. He watches you laugh with your friends, the smile lines that form like dimples around your mouth, the strands of hair you keep tucking behind your ear. Then someone joins your group—except it’s not just someone, it’s Minjeong, her denim jacket so often worn he recognises her from the back, and he realizes the people you’re with have been Chaewon and Yunjin this whole time. The three of them have been banging on about you all year, even more so due to the fact that their replacement flatmate was dreadful, a Spanish girl who only hung out with other Spanish exchange students and looked the girls up and down when they tried to invite her out somewhere.

You turn towards Minjeong, and before he knows it, he’s in your line of sight, and your eyes meet. Confusion, then a flash of recognition goes through your eyes. He had been resting his elbow on a countertop, cider bottle in hand and watching you, he realizes, not unlike a creep, but now he stands up straight and looks around him as if you hadn’t just caught him staring. Before he can find a way out, Jake appears by his side and throws an arm around his shoulders, guiding him into the throng of party-goers and, coincidentally, closer to you.

“Dude, you’ll never guess what.”

“What?” Sunghoon says, tone coming out more irritated than he means it to. He’s just had to give up on making a good first impression on you, and he doesn’t even have the time to think of a way to redeem himself. When he dares to look back at you, your eyes are already on him, a small smile on your lips. You probably hate him already.

“My sister is dressed just like you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you guys came together or something. Hey, guys!” Jake calls out, and all of a sudden, it’s not just your eyes on him, it’s everyone’s. Well, to be fair, they’re also looking at Jake. But you’re only looking at Sunghoon, and he can’t look away from you either, can’t even manage the politeness to hug everyone in greeting like Jake is doing now. He watches as your eyes rake over his figure, taking him in, assessing him, and he suddenly feels awkward in his costume that matches yours, like he’s somehow overstepped a boundary, like you might think he’s asked around about your costume, found out you were going as Barbie and decided to match you so you’d think the two of you were meant together, like he had two minutes ago, and come to the fairly reasonable decision that he was the weirdest man on Earth. But then you meet his eyes, smile a kind, genuine smile, and his whole body relaxes. 

“Hey, Hoon!” Chaewon calls, arms open wide. He remembers himself and hugs everyone, even you, and he has to pretend like this is completely fine and normal, like his hands aren’t practically shaking as his arms circle your shoulders in a two-second embrace. 

You squeeze one of his shoulders, and keeping his countenance is a Herculean task. He feels like those people centuries ago who passed out at the sight of a lady’s ankle. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” you say, peering at him over the rim of your red cup. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Sunghoon feels the blush growing on his face; he wasn’t expecting so much of your attention so quickly. He takes a swig of his lukewarm cider, hoping if he seems drunk, it might explain his redness. “Good things, I hope,” he says, aware of the unoriginality but unable to come up with anything better.

“Oh, don’t worry, they’ve made you out to be a saint.” You’ve not once broken eye contact or stopped smiling—it should intimidate him, but instead, it makes Sunghoon feel like you’ve known each other for ages and that this isn’t your first conversation at all. He finds himself able to relax into a smile, and manages to meet your eyes for more than three seconds at a time.

“You don’t believe them?”

You pause, gaze zeroing in on him even more intensely than previously, smile turning smirk-like. Sunghoon’s heart skips a beat. Okay, maybe he’s not that relaxed. “I don’t know you well enough to make up my mind yet. But we’ll be seeing plenty of each other from now on, won’t we?”

This is exactly what Sunghoon has been warned about. You at parties, the way you look at guys, the way you talk to them. Sunghoon has been the audience of more than one recreation of such a scene, Yunjin pretending to be you, Chaewon pretending to be your “victim,” as the others liked to call them. Because once you had set your eyes on a man, he had little chance of making it out. Jay prides himself as being the only survivor, although he has to admit it’s only because Jake interrupted your conversation, telling him, “I see you’ve met my sister.” And Jay was not the kind of person that got off with their friends’ siblings, especially since his and Jake’s friendship was only a week long at that point, and he didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere in their dorm for the rest of the year just because his dick had gotten the best of him. His words. Whenever they were all hanging out together and they called you, one of the girls would inevitably ask if you had “turned any Italian boys into men” or if you had been “terrorizing the good men of Rome recently.” You would either roll your eyes or say this was not a conversation to be had in front of your brother.

Sunghoon had been sure they were exaggerating—it takes two to tango, as they say, and it wasn’t like you ensnared innocent men into your trap. They had to be willing, to want something from you just as much as you wanted something from them. He’d also gotten them to admit it wasn’t that frequent, that you weren’t looking for a new prey every party, just once in a while when you found someone you liked. (He’d been very quiet when Jay asked why he was trying so hard to defend you.)

But now that he is on the receiving end of your alluring smiles, he starts to understand how one could fall for you without meaning to. He knows he can’t — Jake probably wouldn’t take to it kindly, and he didn’t want to spoil the dynamic of his best group of friends at uni — but he has a feeling that ten minutes of talking to you would be enough to shake his resolve.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure we will. Jake said you studied a lot, but I’m sure we’ll get to hang out. All of us, I mean,” he quickly adds, lest you think he’s already asking you to hang out one-on-one. Sunghoon would not be that forward.

“Of course. I have to see if you did a good enough job replacing me for a year.” Sunghoon’s eyes widen, and before he can blurt out something weirdly laudatory like “I could never replace you, I would never even try, I don’t know you but you’re clearly far superior to me in every aspect and I could never even claim to fill your spot,” you giggle and tell him it’s just a joke. “If anything, I’m happy Jake has managed to make a new friend that he didn’t meet through me, that loser,” you say, and together, you laugh at Jake’s loserness, a topic that will never fail to amuse Sunghoon, although he’s not faring much better in that department. 

“Like, look at him right now,” you say, jerking your head in Jake’s general direction, somewhere behind Sunghoon’s shoulder—and that’s when he realizes that it’s just the two of you standing there, the others gone without him even noticing. Sunghoon turns around, finding the girls, Jay, and a bunch of other people he vaguely recognizes huddled around Jake. They all start chanting his name as he gulps down a giant red cup of beer, then raises the empty cup over his head in victory and crumples it, beaming at the people around him. 

“What is he doing?” Sunghoon asks, laughing at his friend.

“Jay called him over for a beer-off,” you explain. After a beat, you ask, “You didn’t notice?”

The implications are clear in your tone and in your eyes. In the smile playing on your lips, just shy of being a smirk. You didn’t notice because of me, is what you’re really telling Sunghoon—at least, that’s the impression he’s getting. And you’d be right. He was too busy talking to you and trying his best not to make a fool of himself to notice his friends leaving, too engrossed with you to register the sudden disappearance of four people. Across the room, where people have shifted their attention to yet another hockey player downing a sizable amount of beer, he catches Chaewon’s eyes, and she winks at him. Of course—leave it to Chaewon, to whom Sunghoon once made the mistake of drunkenly rambling about how pretty you looked in your Instagram posts last year, to give you and Sunghoon some time alone, “to get to know each other properly,” she would probably say. Although he isn’t sure that small talk over 2000s music counts as getting to know someone. According to the others, she and Yunjin started dating a month into their second year, so Chaewon has proclaimed herself as the goddess of dating and is now always trying to set people up. Sunghoon thinks she’s just living vicariously through her friends now that she has a Mrs. at home.

Because the filter usually at work between the part of Sunghoon’s brain where sentences are formed and his mouth is apparently on leave today, he says, “I do have a pretty distracting sight in front of me.” He’s immediately both mortified and impressed by this sudden bout of confidence, but then you look down and giggle, actually giggle, the sweetest sound he’s ever heard, and only pride remains. 

“So, Ken?” you ask, a cute attempt to change the subject, taking the fabric of the pink bandana around his neck between your fingers. Sunghoon wonders if you’re going to yank him down to your level, and he thinks he wouldn’t have much of a problem with that. 

He realizes that even though you should technically know each other’s names, you haven’t actually exchanged them, so in a confused but correcting tone, he says, “Um, Sunghoon.” He only belatedly realizes that you hadn’t gotten his name wrong, you were just making a comment on his costume, which he had completely forgotten he was wearing in the first place. Just as he’s about to backtrack and salvage what he can of the situation, you burst into laughter, hand leaving his bandana to cover your mouth as he hides his face behind his own hands, laughing along with you despite himself. 

“I know your name is Sunghoon!” you exclaim. The gratification of hearing you say his name takes away some of his embarrassment. “I’m Y/N, by the way. Not Barbie.”

Sunghoon nods. “Good to know.”

The laughter gradually dies down, but your smile stays the same; wide, bright, a smile that exposes your teeth and turns your eyes into crescents. Sunghoon can’t look away. He’s awash with nerves, your gaze simultaneously planting his feet to the ground like they’re full of lead and making him light-headed. His heart is beating so fast, he can barely feel it anymore. 

The two of you stand there, looking and smiling at each other, like in a cliché movie scene where everyone else at the party seems to fade into the background. He has no idea how much time has passed when you break the silence. “It really is nice to finally meet you,” you say, repeating your statement from earlier, as though you mean it more now. 

“It is,” Sunghoon simply replies, because he doesn’t know how else to express the relief of seeing you in the flesh after hearing about you and looking at a digital version of you for a year. The relief, but also the anticipation of what is to come now that he knows he likes you even more now that he’s actually seen you. And improbable as it sounds, you might even feel the same.

Sunghoon can already feel it. The beginning of something.

You nod towards his now empty cup. “Want a refill?”

Together, you make your way through the crowd of increasingly drunk students until you reach the kitchen, where the countertops overflow with open bottles of liquor of all sorts and paper plates with half-eaten pizza slices on them. He watches your every move as you find a cold bottle of beer in the fridge, a bottle of strawberry syrup in a random cupboard that you had to know was there, and a half-empty discarded bottle of lemonade on the counter. You ask him to tell you about last year, everything you missed out on, and so he does. He knows you’ve probably heard it all from the others before, but you still laugh and gasp like it’s the first time you’re hearing about any of it, all the hockey games they won, Jay getting food poisoning from the sketchy pizzeria he kept eating at, Yunjin almost getting into a fistfight with a man twice her size who was flirting with Chaewon. 

You assemble two drinks and hand him one of them. When he takes a sip, his eyes widen at the refreshing and sweet taste. “Good, right?” you say. “I discovered it on a trip to France last summer.”

“Thank God for France. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever enjoyed drinking beer,” he says.

“That’s probably because you can’t taste the beer at all.”

Sunghoon smiles. “Probably, yeah.”

You turn around, lower back against the counter, and take in the current kitchen population. “We really weren’t very original with our costumes tonight.” Sunghoon, who had not taken his eyes off of you this entire time, follows your gaze. He counts five partygoers dressed in some version of Barbie or Ken, and that’s just the kitchen. He doesn’t blame them—the fact that so many people came dressed in costumes at all impresses him, especially for a party on the 10th of September and not the 31st of October. The social committee of the hockey team just seems to really love themed and dress-up parties.

He chuckles, then takes a sip of his drink. It’s really nice. “Yeah, but we look the best.”

Your head whips towards him, eyes glinting with something that makes Sunghoon smile, even though he doesn’t know what you’re thinking. “Should we enter the couple’s costume contest?” you ask.

At the mention of couple, his eyes widen, his brain tricking him into thinking you’ve asked him out for a second. But when what you actually meant dawns on him, the first thing to come out of his mouth is, “There’s a couple’s costume contest?!”

“Mh-hm. The sign-up sheet should be around here.” 

For what feels like the millionth time since he’s started talking to you, his face heats up. “Are non-couples allowed to enter?”

“We’re Barbie and Ken. I’d say that’s enough of a couple, don’t you think?” 

Right. Because he had been thinking of Sunghoon and Y/N, while you obviously meant Barbie and Ken. In the contest, it doesn’t actually matter whether the contestants are dating in real life—it matters that their costumes match. Sunghoon knows that. He just needed a second.

He grins, deep dimples punctuating his cheeks. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Armed with your drinks, you walk around the kitchen in search of the sign-up sheet. You find it on a wall next to the dining table, which has been turned into a beer pong table for tonight’s festivities, and the sheet is almost filled with names already. Sunghoon can only hope that by midnight, when the contest is set to take place, most participants will have had too much to drink to remember it. You write your names on the list, and Sunghoon likes seeing his name in your handwriting so much he almost wants to take a picture.

“There you guys are!”

You both turn around to find Jake stumbling towards you, clearly more intoxicated than when he had left you half-an-hour ago. He rests his arms on your shoulders, forcing Sunghoon down to his height and making you stumble forwards from the sudden added weight. “I’ve been looking all over for you- You’re entering the contest?!”

For a split second, Sunghoon is scared he’s going to get scolded by Jake for trying to hit on his sister, but surprisingly, it’s you he narrows his eyes at. “Y/N, what are you roping my little Hoonie into?”

Sunghoon groans, face perpetually red at this point. Leave it to Jake to make him seem like a total loser. 

You frown at your brother. “I’m not roping your little Hoonie into anything.” Sunghoon wants to bury himself alive. “We agreed on doing it together. Right?” you ask, turning towards Sunghoon and batting your eyelashes at him. It makes him feel a bit better.

He turns back to Jake. “Right. We’re just joining forces to crush the competition.”

Jake scoffs. “As if.” He snatches the pen from your hands and underlines his name as well as Kazuha’s, the girl he came with tonight, three thick black lines that almost erases the names underneath them. “You can’t beat the hockey player and cheerleader combo.”

“Those aren’t even costumes, you guys are a hockey player and a cheerleader,” you protest.

“So?” Jake simply retorts, more attitude in his tone than he would have were he sober.

“So, that defeats the whole purpose of a costume contest.”

Jake knocks on your cowboy hat, and you immediately put it back in place, glaring at him. “As if Barbie was the greatest costume ever. Whatever, let’s just play beer pong so I can defeat you guys twice in one night.”

“You’re on, Sim.”

“You’re going down, Sim.”

Sunghoon had just been watching your back-and-forth amusedly when you grab his hand, leading him to the side of the table opposite Jake. His fingers tingle under your touch, but just like that, it’s gone. He’d rather keep on holding your hand than play this stupid game, but he isn’t opposed to taking Jake’s ego down a notch, either. The boy can barely stand straight, anyway, so it probably won’t be a very tough match.

Some guy he doesn’t recognize in a striped black-and-white referee t-shirt fills most cups with beer and a couple on each side with shots of vodka—he’s so earnest, Sunghoon isn’t sure whether he’s just taking his costume-slash-role very seriously or if he has genuinely been hired to look over the beer pong matches of the night. Some order in the brutish world of college parties, Sunghoon guesses.

Minjeong, Yunjin, Chaewon and Jay appear then, exchanging a quick look at the sight of you and Sunghoon together. The two former join your team, while the two latter join Jake’s, as well as other people that Sunghoon vaguely recognizes from other parties. But by the simple action of getting behind him, they become his most trusted allies for at least this part of the night.

You’re a terrible shot, but Sunghoon makes up for it by scoring almost every round. In his defense, he only misses when you come up close to him and whisper in his ear which cup he should go for. Your breath tickles his (oddly sensitive) ears and the combined scents of the strawberry and lemonade on your tongue and your delicate perfume make his head spin. He can barely think straight, so his aim is naturally thrown off—other than that, he makes Jay drink a healthy amount of beer. He almost feels bad for his friend, but he’d arrived late at the party and needed to quickly catch up with everyone’s level of ebriety anyway.

When the opposite team is down to their last cup, a lightning bolt of luck strikes you, and your ball disappears straight into the vodka-filled cup that Jake now has the honor of downing. 

Sunghoon gives you no time to celebrate, to gloatingly pump your fists in the air and point a mocking finger at your brother, because as soon as you make the shot, he wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you off the ground. When you’re on your feet again, you spin around to find a proud-looking Sunghoon beaming down at you. You burst into giggles and high-five him, your palms perfectly clapping against each other, and he threads your fingers together. A current of electricity rushes through him, and for a second, he swears it’s just the two of you in this packed room.

The moment is cut short by the loud cheers of the others on your team as they shake your shoulders and raise their hands for you to high-five them too. Minjeong flips the other team off and Yunjin has to go hug Chaewon and reassure her it’s nothing personal. It’s really quite easy to make college students happy—or devastated. 

You raise your eyebrows at Jake, who’s busy glaring at you instead of accepting his defeat and taking his shot. With a begrudging sigh, he tips his head back and drinks the vodka in one gulp, the cheers doubling in volume when his face scrunches at the bitter taste of the liquor.

“Don’t act so proud,” he scolds you. “Sunghoon carried your team.”

“Maybe, but she made us win in the end,” Sunghoon retorts, putting an arm around your shoulder. 

Jake scoffs, frowning at Sunghoon’s hand placement before eye-rolling his gaze away. “Whatever.” He slides his phone out of his back pocket and smiles as he shows the two of you his screen. “Would you look at the time? The contest is starting soon.” Then, with an accusatory finger pointed at you, adds, “You may have won this battle, but I’m winning the war.”

He stomps away, presumably to find Kazuha before the contest starts, and it’s your turn to eye-roll at his dramatics. You grab Sunghoon’s hand that hangs off of your shoulders, and together, make your way through the crowd again to the garage, where the contest is taking place. All the alcohol he’s been drinking has definitely started kicking in by now, and he finds himself giggling at nothing with you.

When you reach the threshold, still hand in hand, Sunghoon stops so abruptly behind you that you almost stumble. You look back at him, then follow his gaze towards the garage and the sheer amount of people in there. Worriedly, his eyes take in every single one of the contenders. You let go of his hand and stand in front of him, placing your hands on his shoulders and putting on a determined expression. You’d almost look like a parent reassuring their kid before their first day of kindergarten if you weren’t so much shorter than him. “Don’t even worry about them, Sunghoon. We look better than anyone here.”

His eyebrows crease. “There’s like, three other Barbie-Ken couples here. Some of these costumes are so original. And do you see their makeup? Is that even possible?” he asks, staring at a couple in scarily realistic cosplay of Simon and Jeanette from Alvin and the Chipmunks, fur and all. He can’t look at them for too long without getting chills.

You shake your head. “Almost everyone here is either a hockey player or a… hockey-affiliated person. You’re the beloved and talented defenseman of the team and I’m the star player’s sister. They’ll love us,” you say with a smile, watching the worry dissipate from his features.

“We’re like nepo babies,” he whispers. His lips break into a grin when your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I don’t know how nepotism works,” he admits, smiling wider when you burst into laughter. “How do you know if I’m talented, anyway? You haven’t seen me play yet.”

Your eyes rake him up and down appreciatively. “I took a wild guess.”

Not unlike a cartoon character, Sunghoon audibly gulps. As a hockey player since his most tender age, and dare he say, a pretty good-looking guy, he is used to girls flirting with him, and he is even hit sometimes by the occasional lightning strike of confidence that allows him to flirt back (he still can’t believe he managed to call you “a distracting sight” without spontaneously combusting). But there’s something in your eyes, in your smile, in the way you talk—something about you that has his breath hitching and his heart racing. He doesn’t know if he wants to run away and hide in a corner or kiss you right then and there.

Heeseung, the captain of the hockey team, announces into a microphone (which Sunghoon wonders where they got the money for) that the contest will start now, so he can neither kiss you nor run away. Instead, he follows you to the side of the room where all the contestants, including Jake and Kazuha, wait for their names to be called out. There are so many participants, it takes way longer than Sunghoon would like for the two of you to step onto the makeshift stage. Judging by the looks on the audience’s faces, everyone is surprised to see you and Sunghoon together—the hockey community at your university may be big, but everyone knows everyone, and gossip travels fast. No one had seen you and Sunghoon together before, for the obvious reason that you hadn’t even met before tonight. But you could be sure that by tomorrow, as silly as it sounds, word will have gone around that you and Sunghoon had participated in a couple costume contest together. 

At least, you give them something of substance to talk about—as you and Sunghoon pose on stage, wearing your brightest smiles to please the crowd, you stand on your toes and press a kiss to Sunghoon’s cheek. Sunghoon’s eyes burn a hole in the side of your face but you just watch as the audience of drunken 20-somethings goes wild over something as simple as a peck on the cheek. Jake is the only one booing. 

Sunghoon is still in shock when the next couple is called forward and you have to step off. His cheeks are redder than before and he can’t quite meet your eyes. Apparently, he also goes wild over something as simple as a peck on the cheek. You nudge his shoulder. “See, I told you they’d like us.” 

He feels like a fourteen-year-old for it, but Sunghoon can’t stop thinking about your soft lips against his cheek, so much so that he barely says a word as the three judges deliberate. If you notice the sudden change in his behavior, you don’t comment on it, perhaps chalking it up to nerves. He’s glad for it—he doesn’t know if he could handle being teased about it, especially from you. Although he’s not sure he wants you to think he’s the kind to stress over a last-minute Halloween costume contest. 

In the end, you don’t win. He suspects it was a rigged contest all along: the couple in the unimpressive Edward and Bella costume are friends with one of the judges, probably leading to their anticlimactic victory. At least it isn’t Simon and Jeannette who win, or Kazuha and Jake, even less original than the winners. Anyway, Sunghoon couldn’t care any less. With your hand in his as you walk back to the main room in search of your other friends, he feels like the biggest victor of the night. He doesn’t even mind it when his teammates tease him about his costume and how good the two of you look together—the smile you shoot him makes putting up with it worth it. He tries to think straight, but between the alcohol and your proximity, he feels like you’ve cast a spell on him.

Jake stumbles into your group, three drinks drunker than when Sunghoon last saw him, enthusiastically reporting that a game of spin the bottle is about to start in one of the rooms upstairs, because what every college party needs is a middle-school game to shake things up. None of the guys seem particularly interested until Jake reveals that the cheerleaders are playing. 

Sunghoon looks down at you, laughing when he sees your mildly disgusted moue. “Don’t feel like playing?”

“Not really, no.” Your eyes linger on his face. “There’s only one person here I want to kiss, anyway.”

All capacity for thought leaves Sunghoon’s brain. He just stares back at you blankly, lips slightly agape, willing himself to say something but also terrified that whatever leaves his mouth might make him seem like the biggest loser ever. 

You couldn’t possibly mean him—but did you? Was he the person you wanted to kiss?

As these questions resound through his head, your gaze drops to his lips. There’s his answer. 

His heart beating wildly in its cage, Sunghoon decides to do one smart thing tonight and leans in, slowly but surely closing the gap between the two of you. Then a sudden vibration in the back pocket of his jeans zaps through him like lightning and he jumps back, as if startled out of the trance you had put him in. Shame flooding his cheeks, he checks his phone; it’s the stupid alarm he set himself earlier to make sure he doesn’t get home too late. Midnight, Cinderella-style. 

You scratch the back of your neck as your eyes dart around the room. For the first time tonight, you look embarrassed—Sunghoon is in disbelief at how pretty you look even then. “I, um,” he starts, clears his throat. “I have this thing tomorrow morning, so I can’t stay too long…” he says guiltily.

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but he swears that what he sees on your face is disappointment. It makes him want to take it all back, to stay here with you for as long as you want and forget about tomorrow morning. 

“Oh, right,” you say, nodding. “That’s fine. What thing?”

“Oh.” Sunghoon turns an impossibly deeper shade of red, further resembling the strawberry syrup the more he gets himself in these embarrassing situations with you. “Just… choir. I go to choir on Saturday mornings.” He looks down at his feet like he’s just revealed a secret, shameful part of himself.

You burst into laughter, and Sunghoon is scared for a second that you’re making fun of him, and his feelings are a lot more hurt than they should be by someone he just met. Although, to be fair, you don’t feel like someone he just met.

“That’s so cool! It must be such a nice change from all the dudes on the hockey team,” you say, a sweet, curious smile on your lips. Like you mean what you say. Like you might want to know more.

Sunghoon thinks he just fell in love.

He chuckles. “Yeah. Definitely a nice change. As much as I love hockey, it’s nice to do something calmer, you know. And I like singing. And the cakes the local grandmas bring.”

“So that’s what it’s all about, really.”

“Yep, you caught me.” Sunghoon still feels the almost-kiss lingering, a tension between the two of you that has him on edge. He feels like he’s just missed his bus because it left a minute earlier than planned. The opportunity is gone, and he would definitely mess everything up, trying to kiss you now. So instead, he decides to leave. Whatever must happen, will happen, even if it’s not tonight. You have the same friends—this is definitely not the last time you will see each other. “Well, I should probably head. I have to be up at eight tomorrow.”

“Oh, wow. The choir grandmas don’t play around.”

“They really don’t.”

“Well, see you around then,” you say, a clumsy laugh falling from your lips as you wrap your arms around Sunghoon’s neck, bringing him into a tight but short hug. You also smell good, he notes to himself. Of course you do.

“See you, Y/N.” Just as he’s about to turn away, you wrap your hand around his wrist.

“Wait. Sunghoon?” He’s only half-surprised at the immense relief he feels to hear his name on your lips. Like you, too, didn’t want to part with him just yet.

“Yeah?” he says, wishing the hope and anticipation aren’t too obvious on his face.

“Where’s that choir of yours?”

--

When Sunghoon arrives at his neighborhood’s community center, ten minutes before nine a.m., you’re already there. Despite the seven hours of sleep under his belt, he feels like he could’ve done with three more, and the singular cup of instant black coffee he had for breakfast was both atrocious and useless. But your smile has the restorative effect of two Red Bulls and a power nap. You look surprisingly bright, like you either managed to get a very good night’s sleep or are just the biggest morning person to ever exist.

He hugs you when he reaches you on the sidewalk, tighter than he probably should, but you return it. You smell like fresh soap and sugar. The two of you exchange quick greetings before he leads you inside the center. 

“I made some cookies as well.” You point to your tote bag and Sunghoon’s jaw slackens.

“You had time to bake?” 

“Kazuha made me take Jägerbombs, so I felt crazy when I got home. I thought it wouldn’t be fair on the old ladies if they did all the work.”

Sunghoon laughs. “They’re going to love you.”

You follow Sunghoon up two flights of stairs and into a spacious room with a wooden stage. There’s a snacks table on one side of the room that is almost fully decked with plates and tupperwares of all sorts, and although their contents remain covered by tin foil or lids, the coffee and hot water pots are free to use. Most of the chairs are stacked on each side of the room but a few have been put in the middle, the grandmas sitting and chatting there waving at Sunghoon as the two of you walk in. There are about fifteen people in the room so far, most of them older ladies, but not only. There’s a dad that came with his daughter, a couple of teenagers, and a few other adults. It’s quite an eclectic mix, and Sunghoon loves it.

Minjeong is here, too, which Sunghoon realizes he forgot to say until he sees the sheer confusion of finding someone you know in an unexpected place on both of your faces. She walks towards you, suspicious eyes darting between you two.

“Hey,” she says only to Sunghoon before turning to you, arms crossed over her chest. “And what are you doing here?”

“Hi, Minjeong, so nice to see you too!”

“I invited Y/N,” Sunghoon says quickly, although you did technically invite yourself. For some reason, he feels the need to defend you, even though he knows you and Minjeong have been friends for years now, and Minjeong is just always this blunt.

“I didn’t know this was the choir you went to,” you say to Minjeong.

“Oh, this?” She looks around the room. “It’s only the choir I’ve been going to since I was a kid. You’d know that if today wasn’t the first day you showed interest in it, ever.”

“I came to your concerts!”

One of the old ladies calls Sunghoon’s name from the snack table, and he is glad for the diversion. “Right. I’ll let you guys talk this out.” A hand on your shoulder, he smiles down at you. “I’m gonna say hi to the ladies over there. Be back in a minute.” He shoots Minjeong a look as if to say, Be normal. 

As he approaches the small group, one of them asks very loudly if you’re his girlfriend. They all burst into giggles, blushing and eager-eyed like they’re sixteen rather than sixty. Sunghoon would be endeared if you didn’t look so alarmed and Minjeong so horrified, both of you looking at him before turning back to each other and getting into a very heated and secretive discussion. He is bombarded with a hundred questions: what your name is, where you’re from, how did the two of you meet, are you together? No? But you’re so pretty! And he’s such a nice boy! He answers all of their queries to the best of his ability while checking that your conversation with Minjeong hasn’t turned physical—your arms are now also crossed over your chest, and you look annoyed while she looks like she’s accusing you of something, but at least, punches aren’t being thrown. 

Thankfully, it’s only a couple more minutes until the conductor calls for everyone to gather on stage, and a weight is lifted off of Sunghoon’s shoulders once the ladies’ collective attention is no longer on him. He isn’t sure where they came from, or why they’ve decided to make the choir rehearsal their hang-out spot, but there is always a group of women who sit there and knit while chatting quietly or listening to the songs, and they are sometimes joined by children whose parents are part of the choir but don’t want to sing themselves and apparently have nowhere else to go. Sunghoon had been so excited at the prospect of having you come see him that he hadn’t thought of how boring this might be for you, sitting with sixty-year-olds for two hours, listening to an amateur choir go through scales and sing corny romance ballads—they’re rehearsing for a wedding they’ve been hired to sing at. But as the minutes go by, his worry dissipates when the delighted smile on your face hardly falters. He can’t imagine that his choir is that good, but you genuinely look like you’re having a nice time, and it makes Sunghoon stand a little taller, sing a little louder. Your eyes are on him for most of the time, and he blushes every time your gazes meet, but he still can’t keep himself from looking away from the conductor to check on you every few seconds.   

Once rehearsal is over, everyone gathers around the refreshments table. When you tell Sunghoon that he looked good out there, he stuffs his mouth with banana bread to stop himself from blurting out something stupid. Your cookies are a hit, and so is everything else—Sunghoon would be more than happy to watch you eat as many baked goods as you possibly can and chat with the grandmas, but he has something to ask you. Without thinking much, he wraps his fingers around your wrist, gently pulling you away from the table and towards him. The question that was at the tip of his tongue fades as soon as you meet his eyes, looking up at him like a deer caught in headlights, cheeks stuffed with brownie. You’re so cute that words fail him for a second, and when he notices the proximity between the two of you, takes a small, bashful step backwards. You glance at his hand still around your wrist, and he withdraws it like he’s suddenly been burned. 

A playful smile grows on your lips. “Everything alright?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I just, um, well. There’s a bus that takes us from right across the street directly to the beach, if you’re, um, if you’re interested. In going. With me. If you want.”

Your eyebrows cock in surprise, and Sunghoon thinks he’s messed it all up. You shoot Minjeong a quick, worried glance, then seem to think for a second. But when you look back to him, your smile is soft. “That sounds nice.”

An hour later, you’re running around together on the beach—or rather, Sunghoon is running around, and after five minutes of watching him with a smile on your face, he’s convinced you to run around with him. You’ve both long discarded your shoes and socks, jeans scrunched up to your mid-calves, grins so wide, your cheeks start to hurt. The wet sand is hard under your feet and the water cold against your skin. Sunghoon’s t-shirt sticks everywhere you sprayed water on him, and he knows putting his shoes on later will be a whole ordeal, but it doesn’t bother him. Even the gray September sky feels brighter because you’re standing with him underneath it. 

The water-splashing battle quickly has you both out of breath, and Sunghoon is ready to call a truce when you spot something behind him, gasping and running towards it. He turns around to find you picking up a bunch of sandcastle-building toys that must’ve been left behind by some kids. “I haven’t built a sandcastle in such a long time, this is so exciting,” you say, excitement written all over your face. 

As much as he loves seeing the glint of childish amusement in your eyes, Sunghoon keeps looking around in case the owners of these toys might appear out of thin air. “I feel like there’s something immoral about this,” he says, and you stop stacking sand into one of the toys to look at him with a confused frown. “Aren’t we technically stealing from some kids?”

“Sunghoon. If those kids really cared about these plastic toys, they wouldn’t have left them here.”

“What if they come back for them?”

“Then we’ll give them back. We’re not monsters.” That’s all it takes for Sunghoon to give in. He helps dig trenches around the towers you build, carving out small windows on them and apologizing profusely when he accidentally pokes too hard into one of them, destroying half of it. 

The second he notices you shivering, Sunghoon is on his feet, unwrapping the scarf around his neck and laying it like a blanket over your shoulders. “I’m going to get us something warm to drink. I’ll be back in a minute!” he announces before you can even protest, and practically runs to the nearest café. 

He only leaves you and the slightly pathetic-looking sandcastle alone for a minute, quickly coming back with two take-away cups of milky Earl Grey tea and a brownie that he couldn’t help himself from buying. The moan you let out when you bite into it, gooey, sweet chocolate sticking to your teeth, goes straight down Sunghoon’s spine, but he tries not to let his thoughts get too carried away.

“Good, right?” he asks, laughing when you nod fervently. When you laugh too, it’s a sound so sweet, it rivals the decadence of the brownie. “I sometimes make the trip all the way here just for this.”

“I thought I’d be done with sweets after this morning, but this is so good.”

“Better than Berta’s banana bread?”

“Oh, a hundred percent,” you say, covering your mouth with your hand as you speak. “Sorry, Berta. I’ll be thinking about this for the rest of my life.”

Sunghoon hopes you’ll remember him as the boy who’d introduced you to those brownies, if nothing else.

The two of you are silent for a little bit, but it’s a comfortable silence—something Sunghoon didn’t know was possible with someone he’d just met. This was something he loved about the sea: it allowed for some quiet. The crashing of the waves against the shore, the calls of the seagulls, the dogs barking after them—it all meant he didn’t need to fill the space with needless chatter. He could look out at the peaceful water, you by his side, and just enjoy the moment.

“I’m still so amazed whenever I come to the beach, no matter how many times it’s been.” Sunghoon’s voice is quiet when he speaks, lower than usual. It sounds a lot more intimate than he means it to be. You turn your head to look at him, silently asking him to go on. There’s a small smile playing on his lips, a twinkle in his eyes as he watches the water. “The town I grew up in is right in the middle of the country, so the sea is like, a five-hour drive. There was a lake nearby, but it was nothing compared to this. It might sound silly, but being from somewhere where everyone knows each other, I never realized just how big the world was until I came here and saw the sea for the first time.”

“You’d never been to the sea before coming here?” you ask, surprise clear in your voice. 

He shakes his head. “My hometown isn’t far from the mountains, so it’s a huge tourist spot both in the winter and in the summer, which meant my mom had to work even when my sister and I were out of school and could actually go on holiday. We’d go visit my grandparents and aunts when we found the time, but that was it.” He meets your gaze, a smile playing on his lips at the thought of his hometown and his family. “This is the furthest I’ve ever been from home.” 

The corners of your lips raise into a smile too, matching Sunghoon’s. “And how has that been going?”

He sighs. “It’s okay. I miss my mom and sister like crazy, of course, but they FaceTime me so much that I barely notice it. And anyways, it’s also nice to be on my own. Discover another part of myself, and all that.”

“For sure.” 

There’s a slight shift in your expression that Sunghoon catches onto, a falter in your smile and a hint of sadness in your eyes. He doesn’t want to force a topic that you don’t want to talk about, so he just gently eggs you on, in case all you need is a small push.

“What about you? I think Jake mentioned you guys growing up around here, only an hour or so away.”

At the mention of your brother, the smile returns to your eyes. You take a deep breath and think for a bit, but eventually, you start talking. Although Sunghoon’s eyes are on you, you keep yours trained on the sea. “Yeah, we did. We live just up the coast, so we were always hanging out at the beach. In a way, it’s nice having the sea here as well. It’s like-I don’t know.”

“Like having a piece of home even when you’re away?”

Your gazes meet for just a second, the surprise clear in your eyes, but as quickly as it came, it’s gone, and you turn away from Sunghoon once more. “Basically, yeah.” A sardonic smile appears on your lips. “Although the constant reminder isn’t always appreciated.” 

He tilts his head. When you don’t say anything further, he flicks some sand onto your hand and asks you what you mean by that. He looks at you with curiosity and kindness only, eager to know more about you, to let you know that you can open up to him, that he won’t judge you, but careful not to overstep any boundaries either. It seems to work.

“It might sound stupid, but back home, the beach was a place I could go to when it all was a bit too much, you know? Like an escape from everyday life. Where I could forget about all of the pressure on my shoulders.” Sunghoon hums, and you take another deep breath. “I don’t know if you and Jake talk about this sort of thing, but… our parents are barely nice when we do well, and pretty awful when we don’t reach their expectations. So we were like, constantly having to outdo ourselves just for them to say, ‘Keep it up’, or something like that. And if we did something wrong, well…”

You trail off, but Sunghoon knows what you mean. “Yeah, Jake said they barely spoke to him anymore because he decided to play hockey instead of becoming, like, a doctor or something.”

You smile, but it’s humorless. “Yep. They send him money, and he comes home for a bit over Christmas and summer break, but that’s it. I’ve gone home by myself sometimes and they won’t even mention him, it’s insane.”

“He also doesn’t talk about it a lot.”

“I know. I’m always the one to bring it up. I know it’s a sensitive topic for him, obviously, but I still find it amazing how well he deals with it. But me… despite everything, I still need their approval, you know?” you ask, and Sunghoon nods.

“That makes sense.”

You sigh. “I guess. And I’m obviously not becoming a doctor like them. Not a medical one, at least. It took a year of convincing them that doing the degree I’m doing was okay. ‘Cause at the end of the day, it’s still me filling in my university applications, and they can’t actually force me to go to medical school, but I still wanted them to be proud of me. Even if I study languages.” It’s quiet for a few seconds as you both look out at the waves crashing against the shore. When you start talking again, you look down at the sand, picking it up and letting it filter through your fingers. “So, yeah. Jake got a scholarship here, and I didn’t wanna be too far from home, so here we are. We’re so close to home, the sea I went to when I needed a break in high school and the sea I go to now are one and the same. And now it reminds me of my parents rather than making me forget about them.”

“I’m sorry for bringing you here,” Sunghoon says. “I didn’t think…”

You cut him off with a smile. “It’s okay. Now I’ve created new memories. Nice ones. And you know… wherever I am, it’ll be at the back of my mind. It’s up to me whether I let it affect my life or not.”

“Letting go of these things is never easy,” Sunghoon offers. “You also can’t blame yourself if it does affect you sometimes.”

When you look at Sunghoon, your eyes darting back-and-forth between his like they’re searching for something there, he feels himself tense up slightly. He can’t read you at all, has no idea what you’re thinking even as you smile and say, “You’re right.” Even as you silently link your pinky with his, gazing down at your hands with a small smile. He hadn’t realized how cold his hands were until this small touch, so small yet able to spread warmth throughout his entire body. When he speaks, he can’t bring himself to meet your eyes—he’s still so focused on where your hands touch, too aware of the skin of your finger right against his. Such a small, innocent touch. He can’t even begin to understand why it means so much to him.

“For what it’s worth, I think what you’re doing is super cool,” he says. “I’ve always been so shit at foreign languages, let alone dead languages. And packing your bags and going abroad for a year, not everybody can do that. Becoming a doctor might be hard, but it also takes a specific kind of person to do what you do. And what Jake does. It’s all valuable.”

“Now, if you could say that again while I record you to show my parents, please,” you say, making him laugh.

“It’d be my pleasure.”

“What about you?” you ask him after a small pause. “I can’t be the only one who trauma-dumps on the first date.”

Sunghoon’s breath hitches in his throat. He hadn’t even dared entertain the thought that this might be more than a platonic hang-out in case he was crossing a line—but you’ve just called it a date. With just a few casual words, you’ve changed the entire meaning of the hours you’ve spent together. He hopes you can’t tell how flustered it’s made him.

“Well, there’s not much trauma to dump, really. Sorry.” 

You giggle. “Don’t apologize. That’s a good thing.”

Now that you’ve just opened up about your parents, Sunghoon is scared that telling you about how good of a childhood he had might come off as insensitive—but you smile softly at him, holding his hand face-up in yours, tracing the lines of his palm with the tip of a finger, and he starts talking. “So, it was just me, my older sister and my mom growing up. My dad died when I was 2.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It is a bit sad that I don’t have any memories of him, but everyone who knew him said he was a great guy. And my mom’s had this boyfriend since I was like, 10? He’s the one who got me to start hockey. So it hasn’t been that bad.”

“Your mom must be really strong.”

Sunghoon smiles. “She is. She’s amazing. To raise two kids on your own while grieving and not royally fuck up is… well, amazing. She’s always been so supportive of us, no matter what we wanted to do. My sister did well at school, but I wasn’t so good. I never really enjoyed it, but she’s never made me feel bad about it. She didn’t mind that all I wanted to do was hit a puck around.” 

“And you’re pretty good at hitting that puck around, aren’t you?”

“I’m not so bad,” Sunghoon says, chuckling along with you. He’s about to go on, but he is cut off by a raindrop hitting his hand, then another one; before either of you know it, your clothes are soaked through. Sunghoon takes his denim jacket off, using it as a makeshift umbrella for the both of you as you run towards the nearest awning, shaking with giddy laughter until you forget about the chilly rain and the clothes sticking to your skin. When it doesn’t let up for another few minutes, Sunghoon suggests catching the bus back, and you agree. 

The heating on the bus is set on low, but it’s enough to warm Sunghoon up as soon as he steps onto it. You sit at the back in a corner of your own, multiple rows away from the other people onboard. The two of you are relatively quiet, lost in your own thoughts until Sunghoon, after much internal deliberating, takes one of your hands in his and interlaces your fingers together. You look up at him, but he doesn’t return your gaze, eyes fixed on the window to hide his shy smile and the blush slowly staining his cheeks. To his surprise, you squeeze his hand and rest your head on his shoulder. He freezes for a second, unsure how to react to your reciprocated affection, but he makes himself relax into your touch, and starts brushing his thumb back-and-forth on the back of your hand. The sudden storm has made day turn to night a little earlier today, and with the quiet hum of the bus, he finds himself on the edge of sleep for the whole ride—the only thing keeping him awake is his booming heart.

The bus is nearing his stop when the buzz of his phone in his back pocket jolts him awake. You lift your head from his shoulder, massaging your neck as you fish your phone out of your own pocket. Sunghoon, more intrigued by you than by whoever has texted him, watches as the brightness of your screen makes you wince. Once you’ve read the text, you turn towards him, sleepy eyes and sleepy voice as you ask him whether he’s seen “this,” referring to a text from Chaewon. dinner at our flat tonight!!! come whenever. bring drinks. 

“Oh, I forgot she was doing that tonight,” you say through a yawn.

Sunghoon chuckles. “Do you have enough energy for it?”

“I always have enough energy for Chaewon’s cooking.”

You and Sunghoon make a pit-stop at a grocery store to buy two bottles of white wine and the hummus Chaewon likes, then head to your flat. Naturally, questions are asked when you and Sunghoon arrive at the exact same time, but before Sunghoon can explain that you spent the day together, Minjeong’s head pops out of the kitchen door, and she asks whether you ran into each other downstairs. Chaewon is only looking at the both of you, waiting for an answer, so she doesn’t see the very pointed look Minjeong gives you, as if to say Agree with me or else. You quickly glance at Sunghoon then say, “Yeah, we just arrived at the same time.” When they’ve both turned away, you tell him in a hushed tone that you’ll ask her about it later. 

The girls are busy in the small kitchen and Chaewon insists that they don’t need any more help, so you and Sunghoon bring two chairs by the kitchen door and sit as Yunjin catches the four of you up on the most recent drama in her Law cohort. Jay arrives twenty minutes later, but it isn’t another hour before Jake shows up with the excuse that he was taking a nap.

“Someone would think you don’t sleep at night, with the amount of naps you take,” you say.

“Oh my God, I miss when you weren’t here,” Jake replies, flicking your forehead before promptly plopping himself down on the couch. “I was so hungover when I woke up. I had to sleep it off,” he explains as he grabs four cans of beer from his backpack. 

Chaewon always makes a point to ask how everyone’s spent their day, but today, she unfortunately starts with Sunghoon, so he doesn’t have any time to come up with anything believable other than the truth, which is exactly what he does—and when Jay asks, What, to the beach by yourself? under Minjeong’s heavy gaze, he has no choice but to say yes. He isn’t sure why it’s such a big deal that you spent the day with him, or why it needs to be kept a secret, but there must be a reason. He’ll find out later. When it’s your turn, you look straight into Sunghoon’s eyes as you say you spent the day at the library but didn’t get much work done. Everyone ignores Jake when he exclaims Boring! and Chaewon swiftly moves onto Jay.

But you don’t. 

Your eyes stay on Sunghoon, unflinchingly watching him, expression unreadable, and he finds himself unable to look away, even as he feels his face heat up and his stomach flip. Then you smile, a satisfied smirk like you got what you wanted, and shift your gaze to Jay, who’s going on and on about the first six episodes of Lost he binge-watched earlier and wondering why nobody had told him about this “masterpiece of a show” before. Sunghoon is too busy thinking about the way you’d looked at him and pondering all the reasons for it to listen carefully. He watched Lost when he was fourteen anyway.

All throughout the evening, as the seven of you eat Chaewon’s pasta dish (which she made entirely from scratch, and is probably one of the best things to have ever graced Sunghoon’s taste buds), drink, talk, and afterwards, play card games, every glance between you and Sunghoon feels like a secret conversation that only the two of you are privy to. No one except for Minjeong is aware that you spent the day just the two of you until now—and even she doesn’t know what it is you did. Within a day of knowing each other, you already share memories that are yours and no one else’s. Sunghoon is giddy with the knowledge, heart skipping every time your eyes meet, no matter how fleetingly. When you’re all saying goodbye, it takes everything in him not to hug you for an awkwardly long time and to tear himself away from you. 

He can hardly fall asleep that night.

--

For the entirety of the year you were gone, Sunghoon could only nod and smile while the others bemoaned your absence or commented on how much more fun it’d be if you were here (even Jake, after enough wine spritzers, would admit to missing you). He understood that the group dynamics might feel different to them without you around, but this particular set of people was all he knew, so he never minded it. It reminded him of people telling him how sad it must’ve been growing up without a father, trying to be empathetic, when he didn’t know how he could miss something he never had. 

But now that you’re here, he gets it. You add something to the group that he can’t quite put his finger on. It’s in your affectionate gestures towards Chaewon and Yunjin, in your shared sense of humor with Jay (which no one else seems to find funny, save for Sunghoon, sometimes), in your bickering with Minjeong and downright arguing with Jake. It’s a hackneyed expression, but you do light up a room—at least in Sunghoon’s opinion, you do. In your presence, everything feels not only more lively, but also more cohesive, like you were the missing piece of a puzzle. Like a historic work of art that has been returned to its rightful owner. 

Sunghoon just finds himself drawn to you, at times unable to keep his eyes off of you, and the only things keeping him from making a move are his inherent shyness and the eyes of your friends. He doesn’t want to mess up the friendship he has with anyone from the group, least of all Jake, just because he can’t keep it in his pants. He thought of Yunjin and Chaewon, how their relationship had gone smoothly from the beginning and posed no problem to the dynamic of the group, but he had no idea if this was replicable between you and him at all.

If he had to be honest, a big part of him was also just afraid you’d reject him.

Getting a read on you is hard, which doesn’t help. It’s been three weeks since the gang reunited, since that party where you met. The first semester of his second and your fourth year started a little bit over a week ago; Sunghoon sometimes worries that you think there is some big age gap between you and that you see him as a kid, even though, admittedly, two years is not such a huge difference. In those three weeks, there have been many encounters which could be seen as cases of flirting between the two of you—Sunghoon has noticed every single one of them and replayed each an embarrassing amount of times in his head. A hand carefully posited on his shoulder; prolonged eye contact; jokes whispered in his ear at a crowded house party; knees lightly touching at first, then pressed together during movie night. None of it ever fails to make Sunghoon’s heart flutter. You could breathe in his general direction and it’d make his heart beat fast enough to worry a cardiologist, so when you smile at him, it’s a small death every time.

And so he dares hope that his interest isn’t one-sided—although most of the time, he is so stuck between thinking none of it means anything and thinking every single thing you do is a sign that you like him, that he rarely knows what to think. And whenever you’ve paid him enough attention to make him believe it’s not all in his head, you do something that proves him wrong. Watching you interact with other people, he realizes that you keep good eye contact with everyone and that you’re just as touchy and playful with all of your friends. At parties, you hit it off with new people and catch up with old friends without so much as a hint of awkwardness. He watches as you talk to other guys, the same smile that has been making him weak for the past three weeks, directed towards them and not him. Sunghoon assumes you’re either really nice to everyone and oblivious to the fact that it could be seen as flirting, or you just flirt with everyone. 

In that sense, the two of you are complete opposites. Sunghoon, whose entire friend group hangs on the fact that he befriended Jay, who knew Jake, who knew you, Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewon. Sunghoon who has spoken to maybe half of his hockey team outside of the locker rooms and the occasional party. Sunghoon who, outside of his usual friend group, has managed to make three other friends on his own in the year he’s been at university, because they had been put in a group project and magically hit it off enough to upgrade from classmates to friends. 

Then there’s you, who has to stop every thirty seconds at a party to say hi to someone you know. You, who still keeps in touch with the friends you made in a foreign country, even those who spoke broken English. You, who didn’t make Sunghoon feel like his crippling shyness was a problem when you first met. 

He doesn’t understand how everyone who meets you doesn’t instantly fall in love. 

Or maybe they do, and he’s just one of many vying for your heart. 

Tonight is one of the nights where all he can do is watch from afar as you interact with another man that he desperately wishes was him. With your lower back against the kitchen counter, drink in hand as you laugh with that other guy, eyes never leaving his face, it almost looks like someone has copied your time with Sunghoon at the costume party and pasted it onto this post-hockey game party. All you’re missing is a bright pink cowgirl hat and boots to match.

And yet, it’s his team jacket over your shoulders, his name and number on your back. Sunghoon shouldn’t feel nearly as jealous as he does.

So he does what any good friend would do, and blames Jay for reasons completely unwarranted—even now, days after receiving his advice, and hours after taking it, Sunghoon still can’t help but regret involving him at all. 

Initially, Sunghoon hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about his growing feelings for you—he’d thought that if he pushed them away and kept them to himself, they’d go away on their own. But clearly, they didn’t, seeing as how his stomach always twisted in nervous excitement at the prospect of seeing you and how he could never get through a conversation with you without blushing. So, quicker than he’d like to admit, he’d given in and told Jay about the day you’d spent at the beach and how felt about you now, thinking it was some big shameful secret that would render his friend flabbergasted. 

That was his first mistake. 

Jay wasn’t impressed. “Yeah, it’s been pretty obvious, dude,” he’d said through a mouthful of cheeseburger. It was after hockey practice, and they were sitting in the burger joint near the ice rink that had some of the best student deals in town. Jake was going on a Hinge date, and Sunghoon had lured Jay in with the promise of free food (Jay wanted to go home and game, but all Sunghoon needed to do to convince him was to say “I’ll pay for it”). 

“Obvious? How obvious? Does everyone know? Does Jake know?” Sunghoon asked, growing more agitated by the second.

“Jake is possibly the worst room-reader that has ever lived, so no, I don’t think he’s caught on. But the rest of us know. I mean, you look at her like a twelve-year-old with a crush on his English teacher,” Jay said, unceremoniously cramming fries into his mouth.

Sunghoon ignored the slightly humiliating remark, still preoccupied by the fact that he hadn’t been as discreet as he thought he had. He leant in towards Jay and dropped his voice to a whisper, even though the restaurant was practically empty, save for them and a group of rowdy middle school boys who were definitely not paying attention to them. “Do you think… does she know?”

Jay dropped his fist on the table in sudden annoyance, causing Sunghoon to jump back in his seat. “Now you’re acting like a twelve-year-old.” Before Sunghoon could defend himself and argue that he’s being completely rational, Jay launches into a surprisingly moving monologue. “It’s fine if you like her, there’s nothing to be embarrassed of. Everybody feels attraction towards other people, everybody gets crushes, it’s no big deal. Just talk to her. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t feel the same way, and you both move on, because you’re adults.”

There’s nothing worse than a friend being right about something you absolutely don’t want to hear. Sunghoon did feel like he had been carrying a horrible secret around, but Jay was spot-on: crushes are a very common, very human experience. And yet Sunghoon managed to feel like he was the only one who had ever had to go through this torture. “You say that like it’s easy,” he said, sulking.

“It is easy. You’re making it hard.”

“So what, your advice is just to confess to her?”

Jay rolled his eyes. “See? You’re saying confess like it’s some sin you have to repent for. Yeah, just tell her.”

“Just tell her,” Sunghoon repeated, looking at his friend like he was crazy. Jay just took another bite of his burger.

“Yeah, dude. It’s not even like you’ve known each other for a long time, so there’s no risk of ruining a friendship, or anything.”

“But do you even know if she feels the same way at all?”

Jay shrugged. “She hasn’t mentioned anything,” he said, and Sunghoon’s heart dropped in disappointment. “But it’s Y/N, she’ll be cool about it. And who knows, she might actually see something in you, for some godforsaken reason.”

Jay laughed at his own joke, and Sunghoon afforded him a chuckle. They moved on to other topics, but later, as they waited for Jay’s bus to come, he couldn’t help himself. “Do you think Jake will mind? If something happens with Y/N and me?”

Jay thought for a second. “I think he’d be more upset with her than with you, what with everything that happened with Heeseung... But knowing him, he probably won’t care as long as you aren’t weird in front of him.” He puts a hand on Sunghoon’s shoulder and shakes it gently. “Don’t let that stop you from making a move, okay? You’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.” His bus came then, so Sunghoon couldn't ask for more details about this Heeseung situation—he knew that there had been something between you and him which hadn’t ended particularly well, but no one ever really talked about it so he didn’t dare bring it up. All he knew was that it had been significant enough for Jay to mention it now, and for Jake to seem bothered every time it was mentioned.

He put all of that out of his head for the time being. In a way, he had just received Jay’s blessing; even if it scared him shitless, he could make a move. Perhaps not something as straightforward as Jay was suggesting, but something, at the very least. 

The first major hockey game of the season was that coming Friday. Sunghoon had an idea.

The morning of, he shot you a text. He tried to make it sound as nonchalant as he can, so that you wouldn’t know he spent close to an hour deleting, writing and pouring over a singular sentence. Can you meet me in front of the locker rooms 30 mins before the game? 

That was his second mistake.

You replied twenty minutes later, twenty minutes that Sunghoon spent questioning everything that had led up to this moment.

yn.sim i’ll be there!!

You even got there five minutes early. He was waiting for you, all decked out in his hockey uniform, save for the gloves and protective headgear. He was anxiously chewing on gum, heart doing somersaults inside his ribcage—a grin found his lips as soon as you appeared around the corner, the sight of you alleviating his nerves for a second, then doubling them when you came close. “Hey,” he said, voice soft and slightly trembling.

“Hey,” you simply replied, a smile on your face to match his as he took you in his arms. It was a hug that lasted a second longer than it should, but that also ended too early for his liking.

“Um, I only have a second, Coach will be wanting to give one of his pep talks,” he said when you separated. One quick glance back at the locker room doors behind him, then back at you. The tips of his ears burnt, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from furtively darting between your face and the floor. But he’d come this far, so he couldn’t back out now. He just had to get it over with. “Here,” he blurted out, holding out the letterman jacket he had been hiding behind his back. You grabbed it, eyeing him with amused suspicion at first, but surprise spreaded over your features as you unfurled the jacket.

“Your team jacket?” 

He couldn’t tell whether you were amazed or horrified. You stared wide-eyed at the jacket, at its dark green sleeves, at the four letters of his last name and the huge number 8 embroidered onto the back. Your surprise faded back into what he thought — what he hoped — was excitement as you looked at him. He scratched the back of his neck, feeling his face flush red. “Yeah, I just, you know… It’s the first big game of the year, and I thought it’d bring me good luck if a pretty girl was wearing my name…” he explained, repeating the words he’d practiced over and over, voice turning into more and more of a mumble as he spoke. He had planned on speaking with more confidence, but now, the fact that he could speak at all felt like a miracle.

A light giggle spilled out of your mouth. Sunghoon immediately took it for mockery and regretted every decision that had led him here. “Sorry, it was a silly idea, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it,” he said, reaching for the jacket. But you were quicker than him, hugging the thick bundle of fabric to your chest as you now beamed at him.

“Are you kidding? I love it,” you said, shrugging off your jacket and replacing it with his.

First, relief flooded his body, then pride and excitement — as you spun around and showed the jacket off — at seeing his name on your back, and his attempt at making a move being successful. At least, he thought it was clear what he meant by giving you his jacket to wear at his game—he could only hope you understood. “Well… I’m glad.” Your eyes met, and you both chuckled softly, gazes holding each other’s for a second too long. 

Two weeks ago, Sunghoon still would’ve been able to convince himself this was a fluke; that this was just another one of his crushes that a gentle breeze could blow away. Because after all, when Sunghoon fell in love, it usually went as quickly as it came. But at that moment, in front of the locker rooms, his mind solely on you and not the opening game of the season, he realized this was something else entirely. And whatever it was, he hadn’t felt it in a good long while.

He was terrified—but infinitely excited, too.

“Okay, I should probably head back in now,” he forced himself to say, but made no move to go.

“Okay.”

He paused. “Will you be cheering me on?”

Your smile widened. “Of course.”

He nodded slowly, upper body starting to turn away but feet still firmly planted on the ground. “Okay.” 

Another second passed, and just as he was about to actually walk away, you grabbed his hand. Before he could compute what was happening, you lifted your head and pressed a small kiss to his cheek. His hand was still in yours when you took a step back, and for once, it was you who looked sheepishly at the floor. “For good luck,” you explained. He had no time to reply—you were already walking away, only looking back once to wave and shoo him in the direction of the locker room. He chuckled and nodded, but waited until you were out of sight to head back into the locker room.

Inside the locker room, everyone was too focused on getting their head in the game to notice his giddy smile. Your lips had been warm and soft against his cheeks, a welcome repeat of that time at the costume party, but the quickness of it all had only made him want more. From that very first night he’d met you, the question of how your lips would feel on his had scarcely left his mind. This brought him a step closer to getting an answer, but also made his curiosity grow tenfold.

Thankfully, by the time his coach gathered them around for a last minute pep talk, he’d managed to put the distracting thoughts of you out of his head, at least temporarily—he’d need to play well, for himself and his team mostly, but impressing you was also a priority. 

As the captain, Heeseung said a few words. He reminded the team of how important this match was and went over the main strategy points. For the time being, Sunghoon was able to forget about his arguably unfounded resentment against the older boy and whatever it was he had to do with you. This was not the time for jealousy over someone he had no right to feel jealous over. 

A few minutes later, his members and those of the opposing team poured out onto the rink for warm-up. Sunghoon searched the crowd for your face—when he found it, you were already smiling wide and waving at him. His heart did something funny, but Jay punched his shoulder pad and he remembered what he was there for. He could get lost in the eyes of a pretty girl later, specifically when he’d destroyed the other team and shown her how good of a hockey player he was.

Every now and then as he skirted around the rink and did his stretches, he stole glances at you. They didn't last long, because every single time, you’d already be looking, as if your eyes never strayed from him. Knowing you were watching made him nervous at first, but by the end of warm-up, mainly because he didn’t have much of a choice, he’d turned those nerves into an ever stronger will to do well.

The moment the referee blew the whistle, and for the hour that followed, Sunghoon was locked in on one thing and one thing only: winning. He was only competitive when it came to hockey—he didn’t care about dying in an online battle game or losing to Jake at beer pong, but once he was on the rink, he had to win. Pride surged through him and filled every crevice of his aching limbs whenever he or one of his team members scored, and the feeling that came with a victory, with hugging his teammates in celebration or hearing the crowd cheer for them, was like nothing else he’d ever known. The other side of that coin meant that any loss was a tremendous disappointment. Getting beat at an important game could put him in a week-long funk. His sister had once carefully hinted at his self-esteem relying too much on his hockey performance, and although his first reaction had been to dismiss her, he knew she had poked at some truth there. But what could he do—on particularly lonely nights, he truly thought hockey was all he had going for him. 

To his overthinking nature, becoming so single-minded the second the whistle blows was a relief, a break from the stress of daily life. He didn’t have to worry about his next deadline or about what the guys on the team thought of him or about the inevitable phone call to his mom asking for more money for groceries. It was respite from the thoughts surrounding you that plagued him: how you felt about him, how you might react knowing what he felt for you, how Jake might react. Why Minjeong hadn’t wanted you to say anything that evening, but why Jay had told him to just go for it. Heeseung, whom he had to respect as the captain and an undeniably talented player, but also as someone who had had something to do with you, whether good or bad. All of it had been wildly bustling around Sunghoon’s mind, but once on the rink, all he had to concern himself with was the puck and getting it in the opposing team’s goal. 

And Sunghoon did just that—he scored the first goal of the game, another one in the second period, then a third during the eleventh hour, breaking the tie between the two teams. He smiled right at you after each one, just to make sure you had seen everything. He couldn’t quite describe how it felt to see you clap and cheer for him, jumping up-and-down, forming a megaphone with your hands around your mouth and yelling, “Go Sunghoon!” all while you wore his jacket. It was a separate kind of pride and satisfaction from the sort he’d get seeing anyone else cheer him on, for sure. 

The other team put up a good fight, getting in a few goals of their own and protecting their side well, but in the end, thanks to Sunghoon’s goal, it was his team that won. He took his helmet off and got his hair ruffled by half of his team, then shook hands with the other team, trying to contain his boastful smile—some ice hockey players flew off the handle very quickly, and starting a fight was the last thing he wanted.

Kids and local fans huddled by the barriers on each side of the player’s tunnel to get an autograph or a picture. People around here were weirdly attached to their university sport teams, and the athletes on teams that did particularly well — namely football and rugby — were sort of local celebrities. Their ice hockey team wasn’t quite at that stage yet, but they were placing better nationally with every year, and so the local interest had grown. More kids had started signing up for lessons, and their parents often brought them to home games. As Sunghoon chatted with men twice his age and took selfies with ten-year-olds, he tried to find you in the crowd, to no avail. He’d been hoping for a thumbs-up from you for a game well played, or even a hug, but you were nowhere in sight.

It wasn’t until half-an-hour later, after saying bye to all the fans that had waited after the game for them, listening to Heeseung and their coach congratulate them (but also remind them to not take anything for granted), showering and changing, that he got to check his phone.

chaewon we going k-bbq! u guys played well see u later at da party!!!!

Disappointment only had a second to sink to the bottom of his stomach. He’d barely finished reading the text when he was hoisted up by the shoulders. Two of his senior teammates, Soobin and Beomgyu, marched him towards the exit. “We are getting you wasted tonight, Park,” Beomgyu announced, a wide grin on his lips.

“I have a good feeling about this season,” Soobin added. Sunghoon looked back to find Jay and Jake simply shrugging and laughing at him.

Indeed, the second they got to the dorm where tonight’s party would be taking place, a beer was thrusted in his hand. It was only 7 p.m., still light outside, but that didn’t stop the team nor their friends that had come to the game. They sipped beer like it was water, so much so that two hours later, when the party started to grow, Sunghoon was already quite inebriated. It didn’t help that his cup was never empty for too long, and that he had the reassurance of being in his own dorm—it was the closest student building to the ice rink, and so was one of the prime spots for hockey parties. He could get as drunk as he wanted — or as Beomgyu wanted — and still get home in less than a minute. 

He somehow ended up in the corridor, part of a nonsensical conversation about candle-making with two guys he had recognized from one of his Phys Ed classes but could not for the life of him remember the names of. One had shared that candle-making was a big hobby of his, and it had made Sunghoon and the other unknown man lose their minds—Sunghoon had never realized how curious about candle-making he was, but he couldn’t stop asking questions. It sounded great. Maybe he’d have to pick up candle-making, too. 

Eventually, he headed back to the kitchen for a new drink. For the nth time this evening, he thought of texting you, then immediately thought against it. He wanted to know when you’d get here, but he didn’t want you to know that he wanted to know—although as the night deepened and his intoxication rose, he could remember less and less why that would be such a bad thing. He stepped into the kitchen, and going from the brightly-lit corridor to the dark kitchen with flashing neon lights made him so dizzy that he made a beeline for the couch, needing to sit down for a second.

And that was when he saw you.

Lower back against the counter, talking with a guy he’s never seen in his life. You look like you’re having fun—smiling, laughing, keeping eye contact with that guy. You’re still wearing his jacket. It should probably reassure him—his name is literally on you, what does it matter that you’re speaking to someone else? But instead, all he can think is that wearing his jacket must mean nothing to you. What was basically a confession from him seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

His friends’ words over the past year come back to him—how much you flirt with people, how it wasn’t a rare occurrence for you to go home with a guy after a party and never speak of him ever again. Was this what was happening here?

He knows it’s unreasonable, but in his drunken state, he takes it as a betrayal. Like he can’t believe you haven’t read his mind, figured out how he felt about you, and decided to give special attention to him and him only. He’s only able to take it for so long—two minutes later, he trudges out of the room, walking right past you but not looking your way.

His new mission is to find his friends, but before he’s done much searching, he hears his name being called out. Of course, he recognizes your voice immediately, but he doesn’t quite believe it until he looks over his shoulder, and there you are, face glowing and smiling wide. You’ve clearly had a few drinks, but he likes to think you’d be just as happy to see him if you were sober. He turns around to face you, watching as you narrow the distance between the two of you. He’s not in a much better state—the simple thought that you had come after him makes him forget any sort of resentment he held against you a second ago. When you reach him, he holds on to one of your arms, as much an effort to stabilize his swaying body as an excuse to touch you.

“Hey,” he simply says. He’s always at a loss for words around you, so scared he’ll say the wrong thing that he ends up barely speaking at all. He’s only sober enough to know that with all the cheap beer and vodka running through his blood, his odds of making a fool of himself are even bigger. 

“Hey. I was wondering where you were.” 

“You’re the one who came late.”

“I know!” you exclaim. “I wanted to come right away, but Chaewon was hell-bent on getting her Korean barbecue.”

“She does get cranky when she hasn’t had pork belly in a while.” Sunghoon feels like he’s just won the Nobel Prize when you let out a laugh. “Was the food good at least?”

“It was amazing. So worth getting here late,” you joke.

He rolls his eyes playfully. “I see how it is.” Then, before he can stop himself, he adds, “Then we should go there together next time.” 

Your smile changes, turning from cheerful to surprised, but amused—almost mischievous. You take a step forward. Sunghoon gulps; the gap between the two of you was narrow to begin with. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Usually, this type of straight-forwardness would have him stuttering, but drunk Sunghoon is a man sober Sunghoon barely recognizes in the morning. “Yeah. I am. Is that okay?”

You nod. “Mh-hm.”

“Nice. Okay.” For a second, you just look at each other. Another thing about drunk Sunghoon: he doesn’t feel like prolonged eye contact will make him spontaneously combust. He actually quite enjoys it. He also stumbles, even when all he’s doing is trying to stand straight. “You’re still wearing my jacket,” he eventually says, reaching out to take the end of your sleeve between his fingers.

You stretch out your arms and appraise the team jacket as if you only remembered you had it on. “Yeah. It’s comfy.”

“It looks good. You look good.”

“You’re not quite sober, are you?” you ask suddenly. 

“Is it that obvious?” When you nod, he giggles, lowering his head in defeat. “The guys made me drink so much.”

“You did score three goals after all. And you looked good doing it.”

At the praise, he stands up to his full height and places his palms behind his head in a victorious pose. “I did, didn’t I?” he says, looking off in the distance with a self-assured look that makes you burst into laughter. He drops the confident facade and laughs along with you, until somebody bumps into him and sends him stumbling forwards. If you weren’t standing there to catch him, he’d probably have fallen flat on his face. But even though he doesn’t fall, he feels all the alcohol catching up to him and threatening to come right back out where it came from. You hold him for a second, and just as you ask him if he’s okay, he says, “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

You sigh. “Okay. Where’s your room?” 

Arm under his shoulders, you let Sunghoon lean most of his weight on you as you guide him towards the elevator. It’s just one floor, but you said you didn’t want to risk the stairs with him. “Hey, who was that guy with you in the kitchen? That guy in the striped shirt? You guys seemed real chummy back there…” he mumbles as you help him out of the elevator. Even on the verge of sickness, Sunghoon is preoccupied by more important things.

“Oh, that was Jaemin.”

“Jaemin,” he echoes, more venom in his voice than needed.

You look at him, taking in his disgruntled expression, and chuckle. “Yeah, he’s having some problems with his boyfriend. He asked me for advice.”

Sunghoon almost freezes in his tracks, but you’re there to keep him walking towards his room. “Oh. He has a boyfriend.”

“Yeah…” He can tell you want to tease him about it, but thankfully, you say nothing. He’s made it clear he had gotten jealous of your gay friend—no need to spell it out in so many words. Once you reach his studio (which he’d stupidly left unlocked), he heads straight for the bathroom, locking himself in, half out of embarrassment, half because he really doesn’t want you to see him throw up. Talk about a turn-off. He leans over the toilet bowl, waiting for the vomit to rise, but nothing comes. He waits, and waits, mind completely empty, head spinning even though he’s sitting very still, when suddenly a knock on the door pulls him out of his stupor.

“Sunghoon? It’s been ten minutes. Everything okay?”

He doesn’t say anything, just unlocks the door for you. Without realizing, he fell asleep like a bored teenager in math class. “All right,” he hears you say.

He’s surprised you’re able to carry him out of the bathroom—if he was a deadweight before, by now, rigor mortis has practically set in. Despite his small student room, crossing it takes you an entire minute, and when you reach his bed, you all but let him flop on the mattress. He doesn’t mind. As soon as his body hits the bed, he feels quite snug, curling against his blanket. You start to unbutton his shirt, probably just thinking he’s already fallen asleep and wanting to make him more comfortable, but your fingers freeze when he starts giggling. Shoulders shaking with unbridled laughter, he feels as delighted as a five-year-old who just said a naughty word and made all his drunk relatives laugh at the family dinner. 

“I know I looked really hot tonight, but can we wait until I’m sober?” he asks, slurring his words slightly and keeping his eyes shut, despite the shit-eating smirk on his lips. You hit him on the chest but it just makes him laugh more.

“Bold of you to assume I’d still hit when I’ve just had to peel you off your toilet seat.” He lets you finish helping him out of his button-down. 

“Wouldn’t you?” he asks. He tries to look at you, but his eyes don’t quite open all the way, and they don’t focus properly, due to a strong mix of alcohol and inappropriate thoughts. Of you, specifically. His body feels suddenly very heavy, his want for you weighing him down into the mattress. The room is dark, your face illuminated only by the light in the bathroom and the glow of the street lights outside. You always look pretty, but your beauty is especially breath-taking right now, Sunghoon thinks. He wants to reach out and touch your face, wants to trace your jawline and know what your skin would feel like against his fingers. He doesn’t realize he’s actually doing it until he hears you inhale shakily.

The expression in your eyes is unreadable, and quickly gone, replaced by an annoyed squint. You grab his wrist gently, setting it back down next to him. “I’m gonna make you some ramen. You need to sober up, and you haven’t had dinner, have you?”

Sunghoon shakes his head. He feels rejected, and it makes him inordinately sad.

For five minutes, he watches as you rummage around his cupboards for a pack of ramen, fill a pot with water and bring it to a boil. His thoughts float back to your day at the beach, memories that he’s preciously held onto for the past few weeks. You running around on the sand, opening yourself up to him and letting him open himself up to you, holding his hand on the bus. That day, he’d really thought it would be the beginning of something new; but as time passed, he became less and less sure of himself. He’s scared it might’ve just been a fluke, and that he’d have to destroy the castle he’d built in his head. He’s seen you almost every day since, but it’s never been the same. And even if your eyes met unexpectedly sometimes, or if you went out of your way to sit next to him during movie nights, he can’t let himself go on with so few signs. Jay was right—he had to be clear about his feelings, otherwise this would go on forever. Even if it didn’t feel like it, the Earth would continue spinning on its axis if you didn’t reciprocate.

“I’ve missed you.”

You pause in your movements. “Missed me? But we’ve seen each other every day,” you say after a few seconds, still facing away from him. Your voice is softer than he’s heard it before, almost unsure of itself.

“No,” Sunghoon whines, frowning. He can barely keep his eyes open—he wishes you could read his mind so he wouldn’t have to explain, but alas. “I miss you—the you from the beach. When it was just me and you. It’s not the same with the others around.”

Silence falls over the room again. Sunghoon wonders if you’re just going to ignore what he said, until you take a deep breath, and walk back to his bed. You crouch in front of him and take both of his hands in yours. Electricity flows from where your hands touch to the rest of his body. He suddenly feels a lot more awake.

“It’s just the two of us now,” you whisper. 

Sunghoon nods. “I know. It’s nice.”

You smile. It might be the alcohol playing tricks on him, but Sunghoon swears there’s a hint of sadness in your eyes. One of your hands comes up to his hair. You thread your fingers gently through it, pushing it away from his forehead, then bring your hand down to the side of his face, your palm cupping it tenderly. Sunghoon lets himself lean into your warm touch. With his eyes closed, the darkness surrounding him makes this feel like a dream—he basks in the moment so as not to let a second of it go to waste.

“Do you wanna do something just us two this week?” you ask softly. His eyes shoot open—he needs to be sure this is really happening. He nods again, fervently this time, and it makes you chuckle. “Okay.”

“Just us two?” 

“Just us two.”

He relaxes once more. He guides your hand towards his mouth and presses his lips against your palm. Something shifts in your eyes—Sunghoon thinks the opportunity to finally kiss you has arisen, but as soon as his gaze drops to your lips, you’re back on your feet. “Let’s eat some ramen, shall we?” you ask as you head back towards the kitchen. Sunghoon tries his best (and probably fails) to not let his disappointment show.

There’s no dining table to speak of, only a low table near Sunghoon’s bed, on which you set down a wooden board and the steaming pot of spicy noodles. You hand him a pair of chopsticks and a spoon, and tell him to eat. Neither of you say much for a while, and Sunghoon grows redder and redder under your watchful gaze. He asks if you want any a few times, but you always turn him down. The silence quickly gets a little too unbearable for him, and he’s got a question burning the tip of his tongue anyway. Now’s as good a time as ever to ask it.

“Something’s been bugging me recently, actually…” You wait for him to go on. “So, at the costume party, right?” You nod. “You said there was only one person you wanted to kiss… Did you mean me?”

You tilt your head, looking at him like you’re trying to figure out whether he’s joking or not. “Yeah, Sunghoon… I meant you. Who else?”

He’s only half-relieved. “So why won’t you kiss me now?”

To his surprise, you smile. “Because you’re drunk.”

Confusion fogs Sunghoon’s brain. Is that all you’re worried about? Is his blood alcohol level the only thing stopping you from kissing him? “But I-I’m fine. I give you consent to kiss me, Y/N.” He’s dead serious, so when you laugh, it only frustrates him further.

“Finish your food, Sunghoon. We’ll see about kissing later.”

He sighs. Later he could deal with. “Fine. But I’ll hold you to it, okay?” he says, pointing a menacing chopstick at you.

“Okay.”

But Sunghoon can’t keep quiet for long—ten seconds later, he’s remembered another question he’s been dying to ask. He continues drinking his soup in an attempt to appear nonchalant. “So what happened between you and Heeseung?”

The question takes you so off-guard, you look like you would’ve done a spit-take had you been drinking water. “That’s-you know about that?”

“Well, not much, that’s why I’m asking.”

You scoff. “Why do you want to know? It’s boring.”

At those words, Sunghoon whips his head up to look at you. “It’s not boring!” he exclaims, perhaps a tad too vigorously. “Anything that has to do with you is interesting to me.”

Finally, the corners of your lips rise. Sunghoon hated the ten seconds in which you weren’t smiling. “Well, there isn’t much to say, anyway. We had a thing when we were in second year, I caught feelings and wanted more, and he didn’t. The end.”

Sunghoon freezes, staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth agape. He then sets his cutlery down neatly next to the pot of ramen and clasps his hands together like he’s in a business meeting. “So you’re telling me that he had the opportunity to make you his girlfriend and he just… didn’t?”

You shrug. “Basically, yeah.”

He hits the bedsheets next to him, huffing out in annoyance. “What an idiot.”

“He sure is,” you say. You smile to yourself as you grab Sunghoon’s spoon and try some of the broth. He wonders whether anything lies behind that smile. “But it happened a while ago. Don’t be weird with him on my account. He’s still your captain.”

Sunghoon thinks for a second. “Can I side-eye him once in a while? Or not pass him the puck during practice?”

“Sure,” you reply, laughing. You swiftly move on to other topics as Sunghoon slurps the last of his noodles, asking him about the beginning of the party and just how much his teammates made him drink. He’s recounting the shot contest they held, which Mark won with an impressive seven shots of tequila in a row — Sunghoon hopes the boy is okay now — when your phones buzz at the same time. Minjeong’s name appears on your screen, Jay’s on his, both asking where you are.

“Should we head back now?” you offer, although Sunghoon, wishfully perhaps, detects a trace of reluctance in your voice. “You look like you’ve sobered up a bit, seeing as you’re able to string more than two sentences together.”

“I wasn’t that bad!”

“I should’ve filmed you.”

It’s one a.m. when you head back down, and the party is in full swing. Pop music blasts through someone’s JBL speaker in the shared kitchen, the hallways are more crowded than the subway at rush hour, just as full of hockey fans celebrating their team’s win as students who just wanted an excuse to party, and every window is open to alleviate some of the stuffiness. They probably have another hour left before the dorm residents who decided not to join in the festivities call campus police on them.

Sunghoon is relieved to find that Jake is off with other team members, reaching levels of drunkenness that will most definitely be regretted in the morning. Technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong—he simply let you nurse him back to sobriety after he almost regurgitated his pre-game protein bar and three beers all over your nice shirt. Chaewon and Yunjin are busy making out in a corner, their lack of decorum only increasing when they’ve been drinking, but Jay and Minjeong eye you suspiciously upon seeing the two of you arrive together. You explain what happened so casually that they don’t question it any further.

Chaewon and Yunjin only tear themselves off of each other when a Beyoncé song starts playing, and they drag all four of you to the makeshift dancefloor, which is really just three meters away in the middle of the kitchen. Sunghoon is practically all sobered up by now, but he’s loosened up enough not to feel self-conscious with every step he takes; the fact that you look so happy, dancing with him and laughing at his silly moves, is a considerable bonus. He won’t drink any more, not wanting to risk embarrassing himself further in front of you, and Jay, as the group’s self-proclaimed health guru, probably had his last beer around nine p.m., but the girls, each of them with a cup of suspicious transparent liquid in hand, are getting drunker by the minute—and so is Jake, who has now joined you all on the dancefloor, if his inability to stand straight is anything to go by. Sunghoon assumes you’re also done with alcohol for the night, until you turn to him in the middle of a song no one has heard since 2015 and tell him you’re going to get a drink.

“Okay!” he simply answers, and for a good thirty seconds, basks in the blissful satisfaction of knowing he was the one you informed of your whereabouts. That is, until he realizes a minute later that it was probably a covert invitation for him to come along, which he totally missed. But when he looks over at the counter where all the drinks are, his heart drops—Heeseung is standing in front of you, pouring gin and lemonade into your cup. A flurry of emotions course through Sunghoon, emotions he has no idea what to do with, because he’s not sure they’re entirely warranted. He’s angry that Heeseung is talking to you, after what he did, confused that you’d let him; but mostly, he’s jealous. But he knows it’s only because he has no guarantee that you like him, and that you won’t go off with Heeseung, despite having just talked about how you were over him.

Wait—is that really what you said? You told Sunghoon that what happened with Heeseung didn’t bother you anymore, which doesn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t go back to him, given the chance. 

Before he can think it over a second time, Sunghoon heads over to where you and Heeseung stand. He places himself right behind you, reaching for a bottle of Coke on your side and pouring himself a drink.

“Oh, hey, Hoon,” his team captain says, clearly surprised to see him there and looking so discontented. Sunghoon can’t remember whether they’ve ever been close enough for Heeseung to call him by his nickname. “Having fun?”

“Yep,” he curtly replies, avoiding eye contact with either of you and looking out at the crowd of party-goers instead. He can feel your gaze, heavy on his face, can see the knowing smirk slowly rising on your lips. How was it that you could see right through him so easily?

“Too much dancing made you thirsty?” you ask, taking a drink from your cup and hiding your smile behind it.

He glares at you, more annoyed that his attempt at subtly sussing out what you and Heeseung were doing together was shut down so quickly than anything else. “Yep,” he repeats.

“You guys know each other?” the older boy asks, eyes darting between the two of you.

“Jake introduced us,” Sunghoon quickly answers. To his surprise, this makes Heeseung chuckle.

“Jay, Sunghoon, me… Wow, do you meet all your friends through your brother, Y/N?” he asks jokingly. Immediately, so many alarm bells ring in Sunghoon’s head—the implication that you and Heeseung are friends, the fact that he put himself and Sunghoon in the same bag, and above all, that teasing, almost flirtatious tone of his. 

He’s horrified to find you rolling your eyes playfully and saying, “I have other friends, thanks,” in a tone far too similar. At that moment, Minjeong starts yelling about how much she loves everyone in this room but particularly “you guys,” pointing to Jake, Jay, Minjeong and Chaewon, and “you guys, too!” screaming over the music as she points to you and Sunghoon.

“There’s one of them,” you say, half-amused, half-exasperated. “We should probably go check on her. See you around, Heeseung.”

“Right. See you, Y/N. Sunghoon.” 

Back to no-nickname basis, apparently.

Your group’s indicator of when it’s time to go home is when Minjeong starts one of her “I-love-my-friends-so-much” rants—if she’s that drunk, everyone else must be wasted. Indeed, Chaewon and Yunjin are holding onto each other to keep themselves from falling down, and Jake is unable to keep his head up. You, Sunghoon and Jay herd your friends outside and wait for Jake’s Uber, making sure to get him safely inside and to tip the driver generously for his pains. Jay lives nearby yours and the girls’ flat, and Sunghoon, ever the gentleman, walks you all home.

“Just ‘cause you and Jay might need a hand getting these three home,” he tells you. Yunjin, Chaewon and Minjeong are currently running around on the road, pointing and laughing at random shop names, and Jay is yelling at them to get back on the sidewalk.

“Mh-hm.”

“And it’ll be good to completely sober up before going to bed.”

“Right.”

There’s no use putting up a front with you—he’s an open book and you’re an avid reader. You don’t need to say anything to make it clear that you know it’s just an excuse to spend more time with you.

“You know, I told you not to be weird with Heeseung,” you say, gently punching him in the arm.

“Was I weird?” he asks, knowing fully well he hadn’t acted at all like he usually did around his captain. 

“You basically only spoke to let Heeseung know we’re friends. You were making yourself all tall and looking mysteriously out into the distance instead of at us.”

“But I am tall and mysterious,” he says, pride coursing through him as it always does when you laugh at one of his jokes.

“You’re probably the least mysterious person I know, Hoon.”

Hoon. How much sweeter that name sounds coming from you over anyone else.

“So you agree that I’m tall?”

You roll your eyes, but there’s a grin on your face. A win is a win. “That’s just a fact.”

Sunghoon smiles victoriously. “I’ll take a fact. But I’m sorry if I was acting weird… I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t bothering you.”

“Heeseung is always bothering me,” you say with a sigh. “He comes up to me like this at every party. He’s just asking how I’ve been, but it’s like he’s sussing out whether or not he’s still got a chance.”

“Do you need me to beat him up? Threaten him? Dox him?”

Even though Sunghoon was only half-joking, you burst out laughing, hard enough for Minjeong to whip around and shout, “What are you laughing about?” as if you had offended her personally. At least Jay is there to make her turn around and focus on walking straight.

“I appreciate the offer, but that won’t be needed. I just don’t like talking about it, ‘cause it’s really not that big a deal anymore. It feels like digging up old bones, you know?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “I’d commit grave robbery with you.”

“You-what?”

“Nevermind. We obviously don’t have to talk about it, but I’m curious.”

You sigh. “I guess it’d make sense for you to know about this.” Sunghoon thinks he sees something like panic flash across your features, but it’s so quick and such a rare expression on you that he’s not sure whether he just imagined it. “You know-just ‘cause everyone else is aware of it, and everything,” you quickly explain.

“Sure.”

“I just… I’m sure Heeseung is a nice guy when it comes to other things, but what the girls and I have concluded is that he’s a bit of an attention whore, you know. When it comes to girls. We fooled around for a while, and he never made it official, even when I made it pretty clear that that was what I wanted. But every time we saw each other after that, he’d flirt with me like nothing had happened. I fell for it at first and flirted back, thinking he had changed his mind… but he really just wanted to make sure I was still into him.”

“Looking for validation,” Sunghoon says.

“Exactly. And when I realized that, I stopped giving it to him. I was getting tired of him anyway, saying the same thing every time. But now, I entertain him for a couple of minutes before I walk away. I shut him down before he gets a chance to do it to me.”

“That’s smart.”

“I know,” you say, smiling. “I understand the need for validation, but he won’t be getting any from me.”

Jay bravely handles the three drunkards the whole way home, letting you and Sunghoon hang behind and carry on talking. You reach the boy’s apartment first, and yours five minutes later. But when you reach your front door, Minjeong announces she needs to talk to Sunghoon. “Privately,” she emphasizes.

You give Sunghoon an amused look and shrug as if to say “She’s your problem now.” He doesn’t have time to protest before you’ve bid him goodnight and disappeared behind the door, Yunjin and Chaewon in tow, yelling good night at Sunghoon like they’re not going to see him for months. 

Minjeong places her palms flat onto Sunghoon’s torso and looks right at him—to the best of her ability, at least, considering she’s having a hard time focusing her eyes. “Sunghoon,” she says gravely.

“Minjeong?”

“Listen, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you,” she says, slurring her words. “You know I love Y/N, she’s amazing…”

“Yeah, she is,” Sunghoon says firmly—already, he can tell where this is going, and he doesn’t like it.

“But she’s not the best with relationships.”

“What do you mean?”

Minjeong’s hands drop by her sides and she exhales deeply. “I’ve just never seen her in a committed relationship in the-in the almost four years I’ve known her. She never lets things get serious. She’s just so afraid of being hurt, Hoon, and I-” 

A hiccup escapes Minjeong’s lips as tears start pooling in her eyes. Sunghoon has only ever seen Minjeong cry when drunk—even movies that had him sobbing barely made her eyes water. Even if she isn’t in her right state of mind, he knows it means this must be important to her. He holds her arms and tries to put on the most reassuring tone he can. “But I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“No, I know that. I’m scared you’d get hurt. I don’t want things to become weird between all of us.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Minjeong, what-that wouldn’t happen.”

“But it will!” she exclaimed. “If something happens with you and her, and it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, it’ll make things awkward-”

“If that happens,” he interrupts, “I’ll deal with it. I won’t make it your guys’ problem. Y/N and I are adults, okay?”

“You’re like, nineteen…”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t worry about it, okay? It’ll be fine.” He takes a step back and opens the door for her to get in. 

She’s only on the first stair when she turns back around. “But, Hoon-” she tries, though he cuts her off.

“Minjeong, I promise-”

“Just don’t rush into anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Go inside.” 

She complies, giving him one last look before climbing the stairs to her apartment. Sunghoon closes the door behind her, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

--

Sunghoon is on his way home from hockey practice when his phone buzzes with a text from you.

yn are you still up for doing something this week?

He almost throws his phone in the air in celebration, as if it was a graduation cap. His Sunday was spent going back-and-forth between lapidating himself for his drunken stupidity, memories, rough as stones, hitting him in the face every time he thought of what he said and how he acted, and congratulating himself for having finally made his feelings for you somewhat clearer. Hopefully, you now know he isn’t just awkward and silent around new people—well, he is, but it’s worse with you.

She never lets things get serious.

Minjeong’s warnings echo in his head as he types a positive — although not over-enthusiastic, ‘cause that’d be uncool — answer, but he dismisses them easily. Perhaps he shouldn’t; Sunghoon is, after all, incredibly serious about any and all romantic encounters. The girl at the grocery store who reached for the same red bell pepper as him was the most serious thing to him in the world for a good ten minutes; all of his school crushes were of utmost importance to him, however long they had lasted.

So this? This is capital-s Serious. But therein lies the problem; he’s so serious about you that he’d let you not make it serious. If Minjeong is right, and you’re not planning on taking this nearly as far as he wishes for it to go, he can already tell he’ll just let you. He’ll probably be happy you wanted anything to do with him at all. 

He has ways of reassuring himself, of convincing himself he isn’t a totally lost cause. Because when Sunghoon falls in love — and he had an inkling this was what this was — it usually goes as quickly as it came. Who’s to say this time next week he won’t have completely moved on? Maybe this date that he’s agreed to will go horribly wrong, you’ll be rude to the waiter, you’ll spill tomato sauce all over your shirt, and the flame in his heart will be put out. Easy as that.

You decide to meet on Wednesday evening, two days from now. Sunghoon suggests a Japanese restaurant he likes, a place he had gone to with his mom and sister when they had dropped him off at university before his first year, and that he knows is nice enough for a date but won’t burn a hole through his wallet.

Seeing you at the library the day before is a real thrill. Nobody but you knows of your plans—at least not until he caves in and tells Jay about it, who congratulates him with a roll of his eyes and a pat on the head. All of your eye contact feels loaded with the kind of complicity that comes with sharing a secret. As much as he would love boasting about it to every soul who’d listen, this secrecy electrifies him—it binds the two of you with something much more real than before. At least, more real than Sunghoon’s imagination and one-sided feelings. He knows that your text wasn’t in any way a confession of your own feelings for him, but it’s a step in the right direction.

In the few hours before your reservation at seven p.m., Sunghoon spends so much time thinking about the date that he’s almost late for it. He thinks about his expectations, then tries to get rid of them; he comes up with ideas of what your expectations might be, remembers Minjeong’s words, dismisses them, remembers them again; he goes through scenarios upon scenarios of everything that might go wrong and everything that might go spectacularly well. He ends up with less than twenty minutes to get ready, but manages to arrive at the restaurant a minute before you.

When he sees you approaching, Sunghoon feels like one of those boys in Disney movies as they watch their girlfriend coming down the stairs in her prom dress. You’re not wearing an over-the-top poofy purple dress, but the effect is the same—his eyes are glued on you with every step you take towards him.

You grab him by the arm and lead him into the restaurant as soon as you reach him. He’s too busy taking in your appearance to be bothered by it. “Don’t look at me like that,” you chide as you wait for waiting staff to seat you. He’d actually think you were mad at him if it wasn’t for the small smile playing on your lips.

“Like what?”

“Like what you’re doing right now! You’re staring.”

Realization slowly dawns on him; your gazes have made him lose his composure too many times for him not to know what being flustered looks like. He’d be lying if the fact that it was you in this tight spot and not him didn’t heavily stroke his ego. 

“Why wouldn’t I? You look beautiful,” he says, dropping his voice to a whisper so that the approaching waitress can’t hear. Her presence saves you from responding verbally, but as she brings you to your table, you pinch his arm lightly as if to say Be on your best behavior—although Sunghoon would argue this was his best behavior.

You have trouble making up your mind about the food—you want to try everything on the menu. Sunghoon tentatively offers to order a bunch of dishes and share them. “It’s what my family always does at the restaurant, just try as much as you want and take the leftovers to go. We never ate out very often because my mom would spend so much money every time,” he recollects, smiling fondly.

“That actually sounds like a dream. My parents would never do that. It was always just eat what you got, but I’m unable to look at someone else’s food and not want to try it. It honestly should just be common practice to share dishes at the restaurant.”

Sunghoon thinks he could get down on one knee right then and there. Whenever they went out to eat, the boys would roll his eyes at him when he stole bites of their food. But you—you’re like him. He knows he’s prone to over-exaggeration, but he can’t help but feel like if you understand each other on this, you must understand each other at a molecular level.

He had expected a level of awkwardness to your date, at least at the beginning — God knows the moments in which he doesn’t feel like a mumbling fool in front of you are few and far between — but to his surprise, everything goes smoothly. There is no uncomfortable silence, all his jokes miraculously land, even the lousy ones, and you both laugh and talk and share sushi and pork cutlets like it’s the most natural thing in the world, which perhaps it is. His attempts at flirting are well-received and he only turns violently red twice when you compliment him and smile at him in a particularly pretty way.

It’s that day at the beach all over again. Always on the same page, you dip in and out of topics with a synergy he has rarely felt before. Sunghoon realizes it must be the presence of others, rather than you yourself, that makes him feel like he can’t act the way he wants to around you, makes him so nervous. Save for the moments where you make his heart flutter like a thousand butterflies’ wings, he actually feels quite at ease with you, all things considered. Of course, he still tries — and fails — to look cool for you, but he knows it comes from a place within himself rather than because you make him feel as though he has to meet a certain standard. Surprisingly, he can be totally himself, and it seems to be enough for you.

He loves his friends. He wouldn’t trade them for the world. But he’s not sure he won’t have moments where he’ll wish nothing more than for them all to go away and leave the two of you be.

You eat until you can’t anymore and are still left with enough food for another full meal. You only let him get the bill once he’s promised that next time will be on you. If it means there’ll be a next time, he’s more than happy with making that promise. The sun has set when you exit the restaurant. Sunghoon shivers as he steps outside, the temperature having gone down by at least four degrees in the last two hours.

You grab his hand; it warms him right up.

Your apartment is a thirty-minute bus ride away, but Sunghoon offers to walk you home. Anything to spend more time with you.

He spends the first few minutes of the walk worrying about his hand, whether it’s too clammy, whether it’s holding yours right, but he eventually relaxes into the touch. When a particularly chilly gust of wind blows, you drop his hand and hold onto his arm instead, inching closer to him for more warmth.  He only drank lemonade with his meal, but he feels blissfully light-headed.

Silence only arrives when you reach your doorstep. You stand in front of each other, Sunghoon looking down at his feet, you gazing out at the empty street. He knows this is the moment where he is supposed to kiss you. If there was a step-by-step guide on how to date — there probably is, but Sunghoon hasn’t resorted to such loser-like measures yet — this would probably be the moment where it would be written to just kiss her, you idiot. But nerves get the best of him.

At least, you’re there to save the day. You direct your gaze towards him, a bashful smile playing on your lips. “So… are you gonna kiss me now?” you ask, essentially reading his mind. 

He reacts immediately. “Y-yep. Yes. I am.” Heart racing, he takes a step towards you as he rests his hands on your waist. Then he changes his mind, and brings one hand up to your cheek. There’s an eyelash that has fallen below your eye; he brushes it out of the way with his thumb before leaning in and pressing his lips against yours.

In all of his late-night scenarios and daydreams of kissing you, he had never imagined something as good as this. You find your rhythm within seconds. It’s slow, almost hesitant, yet so tender, it makes Sunghoon’s heart ache. As your lips move against each other in perfect sync, as your hands find their way around Sunghoon’s neck, he realizes he should have known — this will not go away as quickly as it came.

Only when you grab a fistful of his hair, making him react viscerally and wrap his arm around your waist to bring you closer to him, does he remember where the two of you are. He leans back, then almost passes out when you chase his lips and press a shorter but just as sweet kiss there. He commits this view to memory—the smile on your lips, the glow on your face, the haziness in your eyes.

“Do you wanna come up?”

“Yes,” he replies immediately, and it makes you laugh. You grab his hand and lead him up the stairs and into your apartment.

“Are the girls in?” he asks as you lock the front door.

“Minjeong is at karaoke with her school friends, and Yunjin and Chaewon are at a dinner party somewhere.”

“Minjeong karaokes?”

“Get enough G&Ts in her and she’ll do anything.”

You turn on a small lamp in your room and take off your jacket. Sunghoon has been in your apartment before, but never in your room—at some point, he’ll spend an hour observing every photograph and trinket in detail, asking you about every backstory, but right now, he’s got more important things to tend to. His heart beats uncontrollably as you shut the door to your room and walk towards him, eyes gazing deeply into his. The corners of your lips rise when you tug at the bottom of his sweatshirt, a clear indicator that you want it off. He wastes no time in obliging.

The air is buzzing with electricity when your lips find each other again. You’re both more confident this time around, and so the kiss is deeper, your touches bolder. Everything happens quickly—one second, you’re standing in the middle of your room; the next, you’re laying on your bed, Sunghoon underneath you. 

“You know,” he says between kisses, “I’d really planned on being a gentleman and not going up to your room after the first date…”

Your lips move from his lips to his jawline, warm and soft against his skin. Sunghoon closes his eyes and lets out a low hum of approval. “I’m glad you changed your mind,” you whisper, lips brushing against his neck as you speak. “And since we’re onto confessions, I can finally say I’ve been wanting to do this since we met.”

This information sends his mind reeling. Not once had he been sure of how you felt about him — he even remembers you saying no to a kiss — and here you are, saying you’ve been wanting to kiss him since the beginning, just like he had. 

“You’re me,” he replies breathlessly.

“Hm?”

“I mean, me too.”

You pause your kisses to giggle, a sound so soft and intimate it has Sunghoon melting impossibly more. “You’re me?”

Unfortunately, he is too preoccupied by you to put a filter between the weird, half-formed thoughts in his brain and the words that leave his mouth. “Don’t question it,” he says, a smile audible in his voice, before moving his head and catching your lips. If he couldn’t stop himself from saying odd things, he could at least distract you from them.

Sunghoon thinks he’s doing a good job keeping himself together, until you roll your hips against his. It’s barely anything, but it sends waves of pleasure and anticipation through his body. His grip on your waist tightens, and when you repeat the motion, his hands sneakily find their way down your back and under your dress. Palms splayed against your ass, he brings you down closer to him. The second you moan into the kiss, he’s a goner. 

After that, it doesn’t take long for clothes to be discarded or for curious fingers to find the other’s waistbands. Your movements are hasty, messy—the tension that had built up over weeks of pining for you, after getting close to kissing you twice and thinking about it a hundred times more, it all comes crashing down in this moment, as his teeth sink into the flesh of your neck, as your hands pull at strands of his hair, as your bodies gently bump into each other. If someone asked Sunghoon right now how long he’d known you, he’d say years, not mere weeks. It couldn’t possibly be real that this much desire had accumulated inside of him — and inside of you, if your broken moans and rapid breathing are anything to go by — in just over a month. 

He only slows down when he has you naked and heaving underneath him, reminding himself to savor the moment instead of rushing it. His fingertips graze down your sides until they reach between your thighs, and he marvels at the way his touch makes you shiver. His eyes are so wide with amazement at the sight of you that he probably looks like he’s never seen a woman before, but he can’t help himself—he always thought you were beautiful, but this is something else entirely. 

His first touch is hesitant, a slow upward motion of his thumb between your folds as if quite literally testing the waters. But it has you arching your back and gripping his bicep, meeting his eyes to silently plead for more. Sunghoon takes that as his green light, thumb circling your clit as his lips continue their work on your neck, on your face, everywhere they can reach. He slips a finger inside of you, then a second one, and when he is satisfied with the state he’s gotten you in, all disheveled and gasping for air, he replaces his fingers with his dick, rock-hard just from seeing and hearing you.

He slowly inches forward until he’s bottomed out, letting you adjust around him. “All good?” he whispers, lips moving against the shell of your ear.

“Never better,” you whisper back, smiling. You kiss him, and the tenderness of your lips on his, mixed with the feeling of being inside you, has Sunghoon’s heart constricting inside his chest. He starts rocking his hips back-and-forth into you, the side of his face is pressed up against yours, head light from the little oxygen the two of you share. It all feels oddly intimate for a first time, feels more like the kind of sex two people would have after years of knowing each other’s bodies. He moves like it’s second nature, thrusts deep and slow, trying to reach those spots that have your hands clawing at his back. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, using his free hand to push the hair that sticks to your face with sweat.

You wrap your legs higher around his hips, the shift in angle letting him go deeper. “Fuck, right there,” you say, voice strangled. Sunghoon doesn’t need to be told twice—he picks up his pace, and already within a minute, starts to feel himself reaching his limit. He tries to muffle his groans against your skin, but with the way your hold on him tightens and your moans go higher in pitch, you seem to be just as close as he is. When you do come undone around him, breath hitching in your throat before you release a heavy sigh, he has mere seconds left in him. A few thrusts later, his orgasm finally releases him from the tension that had been twisting his stomach into a knot for the past half-hour. You’re both spent, but he continues lazily rocking his hips against yours chasing the last remnants of pleasure, wanting to bask in it just a bit longer. He rolls onto his back after sliding out, wrapping his arms around you. You bury your face in the crook of his neck.

His chest rises and falls as his breathing takes its time returning to normal. In a way, he’s almost relieved it’s over, like any longer would’ve actually taken too much of a toll on him. He likes the comfort he gets from having you in his arms as much as the sex itself. “I didn’t know it could feel this good,” he says, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can stop them. He needs more than a few minutes to get his head back on straight and start thinking before he speaks again. You chuckle airily, he chuckles too, and within seconds, you’re both laughing for seemingly no reason. The bliss of such an intense orgasm and the lack of oxygen must have gone to your brain, too.

“Me either,” you say once the laughter dies down. When your lips find his once more, Sunghoon forgets entirely about his exhaustion and feels like he could go for a second round. “Shower?” you ask right when he realizes how sticky and smelly he is.

“Yes, please.”

He can’t keep his hands off of you in the shower, rubbing soap on every square inch of your skin when you could do it perfectly fine yourself, kissing you even when you’ve both got foaming cleanser on your faces. The taste of soap in his mouth is worth the giggles he gets out of you.

Sunghoon reaches heaven when you drop to your knees in front of him, water rushing down his back as you take him in your mouth. He’s eager to return the favor, of course, thumb flicking your clit with a speed and dexterity even he didn’t know he was capable of. If you weren’t already in the shower, you’d have needed another one.

As soon as your bodies hit the mattress, you both drift off to sleep, limbs wrapping around each other as though they had been separated for too long and finally found each other again—not to let go again.

--

When Sunghoon wakes up, it takes him a few seconds to realize that he hadn’t dreamt up last night’s events. He reaches a hand out hesitantly, still half-asleep and scared that you’ll disappear into thin air at the touch of his fingertips. But no—he feels your skin, warm and soft, and he knows this is real.

You’re laying on your side, facing away from him, so he has to strain his neck to peek at your face. You look so peaceful as you sleep—he doesn’t want to wake you up, but he can’t stop himself from wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing his torso against your back, humming contentedly to himself. He presses a soft, quiet kiss to the top of your head, just because he can.

Outside, clouds part, and a bright ray of sun shines through the window, landing right on your face. Sunghoon watches as you grumble and turn around, burying your face in his chest to avoid the blinding light, but the damage is done—you’re awake. He can tell from the drawled-out whine you let out and the way you grab tightly onto his waist, as if it was his fault the sun had decided to shine right on you. 

He lets you settle in a comfortable position. Stays still as you hike your leg over his legs, then slip it between them instead; as you press your cheek against his chest, then bury your nose in his neck; as you wrap your arm around his waist, then move it to thread your fingers through his hair, until you give up on falling back asleep altogether. “It’s so bright in here,” you mumble in lieu of a good-morning greeting.

You can’t see him, so Sunghoon smiles and tightens his grip around you—one arm circling your shoulders, the other, your waist. Skin to skin. “We forgot to close the blinds yesterday.”

“It’s okay,” you say, sighing. You press a kiss to the base of his neck, right between his collarbones, then lift your face to look at him. “How are you feeling?”

This is what it feels like to wake up next to her, Sunghoon thinks. He’d thought about it so many times: what you would look like first thing in the morning, what you’d say to him, what it’d feel like when your eyes met. If you’d be a slow sort of morning person, cuddling in bed with him until the very last possible second, or if you’d be up and about as soon as you woke up. If you’d be grumpy. If you’d want coffee. If you liked morning sex. 

It seems to be a recurring theme that Sunghoon’s imagination never quite lives up to reality. Your sleepy eyes boring into his, struggling to stay open, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck; your skin, so warm and so soft, your scent, so intoxicating he can barely think straight.

You’re better than a dream.

“I feel great. Do you feel great?”

“I feel amazing, thank you so much for asking,” you say, burrowing yourself impossibly closer to him.

The two of you stay like this for a while, talking about your plans for the day and begrudging how little you want to go about them. Sunghoon wishes this could go on forever, but then his stomach growls so loudly, his face turns red from embarrassment. He hadn’t even noticed how hungry he was. 

“You’re me,” you say, laughing, and Sunghoon can’t help but join in. “Is it crazy to have last night’s leftovers for breakfast?”

What Sunghoon hears is that you want him to stay; that you don’t want to part ways just yet.

“If by crazy you mean the best idea ever, then yes.”

“Amazing, because I’ve been thinking about that curry all night.”

“Really? I was thinking about something else,” he says, burrowing his face in your neck and leaving warm kisses there. 

You hum and lean into his touches, leaning into his touches. Chills run down his spine as your nails graze his sides. “There might’ve been other things occupying my mind, too.”

And just like that, breakfast is postponed to thirty minutes later.

--

After that night, Sunghoon forgets how to act right.

His mind has never been so singularly taken up by sex in all of his life. It was already preoccupied with you most of the time, but now that it has more material to gnaw on, it’s practically started to eat away at him. It doesn’t help that you’ve seen each other every day since, or that at every chance you get, you smile knowingly at him or try to get him to play footsies with you. Of course, he loves every bit of attention that he gets from you, but whenever he feels his heart get carried away, Minjeong’s words come back to him in a panic, and he remembers that he has no idea what it is that’s happening between you and him. You could be stringing him along, for all he knows, or you could be as into him as he is into you and just letting things happen. Unfortunately, just letting things happen was not something Sunghoon was good at—if things weren’t written black and white, he’d find a way to overthink even the littlest of details. Like how you’d kissed him for a good five minutes before letting him leave your apartment, otherwise known as the least platonic parting to exist, or conversely, like how you’d sometimes take hours to reply to texts.

If he was already a mumbling fool in front of you before, his condition has only worsened now. He tries his best to be normal and not make you or anyone in the group feel weird, but the fact is that you rocked his world and now he can’t look you in the eyes and not remember how it felt when you touched him or the sounds you made or the way you looked. It’s all playing in a loop in his mind and the only way he knows how to control it is by limiting his interactions with you, which doesn’t even work that well. 

The first couple days, you seem amused by his shyer-than-usual demeanor, but you quickly grow confused more than anything. Sunghoon won’t sit next to you, only speaks to you when necessary, doesn’t seek you out outside of a group setting. He tells himself he just needs some more time to be able to be around you casually again, but before that happens, one day at the library, you make a point to ask him if he’ll come help you get drinks for everyone from the dispenser machine. He knows it’d be too odd to say no, so he follows you.

He presses the buttons for everyone’s order (a Sprite for him, Diet Cokes for the girls, a Red Bull for Jake who has a midterm tomorrow and nothing for Jay who only swears by his disgusting herbal infusion) as you lean against the machine, arms crossed over your chest as you stare at him.

He has never felt so awkward in his life.

“So…” he starts although he has no idea what to say—he hopes something will just appear in his mind and that it’ll alleviate the tension. However, you seem to have other plans.

“What the hell, Sunghoon?” you say, taking him aback. When he glances at you, you don’t seem angry—just genuinely confused. “You’ve been avoiding me like the plague.”

“I haven’t!”

“Sunghoon,” you say sternly. He gives in right away.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I just-I didn’t know what to do. After we, you know…”

“After we had sex?” you say, then burst into laughter when he looks around the room to make sure no one’s heard. His cheeks heat up.

“Yes, after we had sex,” he whispers.

He pays for the drinks and picks them up. When he looks at you again, your smile has completely died down, and worry has settled into your features. “Do you regret it?” you ask, voice now as low as his. As if it hurts to say the words too loud.

Panic overcomes him, and he almost drops half of the drinks as he shakes his head. “No, of course not! I’m really sorry, Y/N, I never meant to be weird about it, I was just trying to wrap my head around everything, and I just… Well, I just didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

You nod, taking his words in. “That’s fine. I get it. I just wanted to say, you know, it doesn’t have to change anything. We can still be friends and all. Like you said, it shouldn’t make things weird.”

Sunghoon’s stomach drops. He knows you’re trying to make him feel better, but you’ve inadvertently said the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear. He doesn’t want things to stay the same, or for you to stay friends. For him, things can’t go back to normal after that night — whatever normal means for the two of you — and he was foolishly hoping that you felt the same.

But clearly, you want to let the whole thing die and pretend like it never happened. And whether it’s a good thing or not, his feelings for you have grown so much, he’ll just let you lead him anywhere. Even if that turns out to be nowhere. 

So he conjures up the most convincing smile he can, hands you half of the drinks to carry, and says, “Yeah, sounds good.”

--

After that conversation, Sunghoon doesn’t think anything else will happen between the two of you. You had sex, you talked it out, and that’s the end of it. But then, it turns out that both of your last midterms are at the same time, in the same building, so you invite him to celebrate with pork belly and some drinks. Sunghoon is finishing his second beer when he starts to feel like he’s on that date again, laughing for no reason, butterflies in his stomach every time his gaze catches yours. You lean on your hand as you listen to him talk about a stupid memory from his childhood and he thinks he’s never seen anyone as pretty as you. 

The sun has long set when you say, “You know, it’s Wednesday today.”

He’s not sure what you’re trying to get at. “Yeah?”

“Minjeong’s out at karaoke tonight.”

With these simple words, all the images of you that Sunghoon had finally managed to banish from his mind come flooding back, and he is not even surprised to find himself half-naked in your bed thirty minutes later. So much for staying friends—one time is one thing, but Sunghoon knows he’ll never be normal again after a second time with you.

It’s not a long time before he finds himself in your room again. Every item of clothing between the two of you is gradually discarded while you kiss, lips growing more impatient with every inch of bare skin uncovered. He reluctantly lets you go when you suddenly giggle and say that you really need to pee, watching as you grab his t-shirt off the floor and put it on, just in case Minjeong comes home. You wear it like it’s yours, like it’s the most natural thing in the world that you’d be wearing his clothes. An indescribable feeling washes over Sunghoon at the sight, so intense he feels tears welling behind his eyes. Like something he’s been yearning for is finally at the grasp of his fingers; like it might slip away at any moment. 

His feelings must’ve transpired in the way he was looking at you—when you meet his eyes, your expression shifts slightly, and you quickly slip out of your room. He tells himself to reel it in. Get it together, he thinks. Or you’ll drive her away. 

A wave of tiredness hits him in the minute that you’re gone, probably due to all that soju and beer. “I’m back,” you whisper, but he doesn’t move, only opens his arms wide for you to get back into bed with him. It’s like a weight is lifted off his heart when he feels you against him again. You’re back. Your face is fresh, as if you’d splashed it with cold water, but when he slips one of his hands underneath your (his) t-shirt, your skin is still just as warm as before. Far from the fuzzy, tingly feeling he had gotten when you’d woken up together the other morning, now, he feels his desire for you deep in the pit of his stomach. The kind of hunger food couldn’t satisfy. “I missed you,” he whispers, voice low and gravelly. He reacts immediately when you squirm against him, tightening his grip around your waist and pulling you to him.

“I was gone two minutes.”

“I mean these past few days. I was starting to think I’d dreamt you up.” His hand on your lower back sneaks its way up between your bodies until it finds your breasts, cupping one of them with his palm before taking your nipple between his thumb and index, gently twisting. It pulls a half-gasp, half-moan from your throat, and the sound goes straight to his dick. “But you’re real, aren’t you?” 

“Very real,” you reply, a tremor in your voice. He’s barely touching you, and you’re already having trouble breathing. Sunghoon smiles at the idea of him having as much of a hold on you as you do on him.

“Good,” he says, voice so low it’s almost a growl. In one quick sweep, he pushes you down so your back is against the mattress, resting his palms on each side of your head.

He’s inside you within mere minutes. He’d wanted to hold back a bit, but you whispering Just put it in after thirty seconds of his fingers loosening you up was enough to convince him. His mind is already fuzzy with remnants of alcohol, and his overwhelming desire for you only makes matters worse. He barely has any control over his movements, rushed and sloppy, but as he drives himself deeper into you, your moans increase in volume. He only later realizes how tight his grip on your hips is when he sees two small bruises forming on the skin there. 

He comes quickly, probably embarrassingly so, but he can’t bring himself to care—he’s got other things on his mind. He’s not even bothered to discard the condom as he makes his way down your body, lips around your clit before you’ve even had the time to register what was happening. You cry out, a sound that Sunghoon works to pry out of you over and over again. Even when your thighs start shaking and you squirm away from him, he doesn’t relent. He’s just as desperate to make you feel good as he was desperate chasing his own pleasure earlier. He hooks his arms around your thighs, bringing you down to him and ensuring that you can’t get away. One hand still in his hair, the other clutching the bed sheets, you’ve turned your face sideways into the pillow so that your moans come out muffled. He is only satisfied when you’ve reached your second orgasm. 

As your breath slowly returns to normal, Sunghoon makes his way back up your body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. You clear your throat of its dryness and burst into soft, quiet laughter. “What’s funny?” Sunghoon murmurs, lips against your neck. 

“Nothing,” you say, still laughing. “That was just really, really nice.”

Sunghoon smiles. “I’m glad,” he says before kissing you, lips moving slowly against yours.

As he lays against you, the top of his head under your chin and your fingernails grazing along his back, a weird feeling overcomes him. Sunghoon is usually a pine-from-afar sort of guy, with at least five instances of hanging out that could or could not be a date before making things any sort of official. The pining has been a constant with all of his crushes. He’s gotten to the hanging out stage a couple of times, but the officialising has only happened once. Despite its low success rate, it’s a cycle Sunghoon feels comfortable with, and he’d imagined the rest of his romantic encounters would follow that pattern. 

But this is completely different. Of the three times you guys have met separately from your friend group, already two times have included sex. This isn’t a stage Sunghoon usually reaches before at least a few months and it disorientates him. What does it mean? That you like him so much, you decided to skip all of the steps and jump straight into the thick of it? He is reasonable enough not to delude himself into such a thought. He likes you a lot—that much he can be sure of. He’s liked you since the moment he laid eyes on you, even if the reason eludes him. Something in the way you smiled at him, the way you took him in stride as if you’d known him forever. When he thinks back to that party, he can’t believe it started out as the two of you being strangers. Even now, feeling your warm skin against his, it feels like a lie that just two months ago he hadn’t even met you. 

What he can’t say with total certainty is that you like him the same amount. Or that you like him any amount, really, although in his naivety he doesn’t understand how anyone could be this intimate with another person without liking them at least a little bit. And he doesn’t just mean the sex. He means this. The silently laying in each other’s arms, the soft kisses, the caresses wherever hands can reach. Eating post-sex snacks together, laughing as you watch the first episode of each other’s favorite sitcoms (Brooklyn Nine-Nine for him, Pen15, oddly enough, for you). Falling asleep together, cuddling the entire night then waking up and diving right back into each other’s embrace. 

After an entire day spent in rumination, Sunghoon’s still not sure what to make of it all.

All he knows is that when he DMs you that night, asking you how your day went, he goes through every emotion between anxiety, self-hatred and indifference in the five minutes that separate his text from your reply. He’s never been so happy to hear that someone couldn’t concentrate in class because of him.

--

Sunghoon has always been obsessed with the way couples stand together in public. 

Every time, it takes everything in him not to stare, because he wants to take in every little thing they do. He has that practically everywhere he goes, wanting to stare at people just to see what their deal is, but he is never quite as simultaneously fascinated and envious as when he spots a couple. But he knows staring isn’t the socially appropriate thing to do, so he either steals glances or watches for a little bit then pretends they aren’t there. He can’t help himself—even if they aren’t holding hands or obnoxiously making out in public, it’s still visible to anyone with eyes that there is something tying these people together. It’s in the way they stand near each other, their bodies turned inwardly, as though enveloped by a bubble containing just the two of them and no one else; in the way they look at each other, their eyes never straying from the other’s face as they talk, intimacy showing itself even in a loud, crowded room. Sunghoon craves to find that proximity, to be able to touch and be touched so softly, every graze of a hand purposeful and unconscious at the same time.

It’s the first of November already. The Weather app, as it tends to do, has deceived you; so instead of a walk on what was supposed to be a sunny day, you find yourselves in a busy café near the University, the air outside too chilly even with your scarves and gloves. You’re waiting for your order at the end of the counter — a mocha for him, an oat flat white for you — when he notices it. Your body is fully facing him, you’re distractedly playing with the hem of his sweatshirt, and you’re not looking at anything but him as you rant about that annoying classmate of yours that goes by a self-made nickname and always talks over the tutor. In this light, the two of you are like the couples he’s always longed to be—the simple thought makes him want to cry. As more and more often is the case these days, you have no idea what you’re doing to him.

It’s been around two months since you first met and in that time, although Sunghoon is lucky not to have enough fingers to count the number of times you have seen each other one-on-one, not much has happened. Minjeong, who had understood what was going on the first time she saw the two of you eating leftovers from the Japanese restaurant on the couch at 10 a.m., has grown accustomed to his presence in the apartment and even sometimes sits down to watch a movie with the two of you—a movie that Chaewon would usually have forced you to watch in the living room instead of the privacy of your bedroom, so that everyone could join. Sunghoon is just glad Minjeong has stopped silently scolding him with her eyes every time he comes out of your room. She never mentions that night when she essentially warned him against you after the party. 

Jake seems to be the only oblivious one in your group. Yunjin and Chaewon have eyes like hawks and horrifyingly vivid imaginations when they put their heads together, so they were probably already making plans for your wedding and fighting for the title of godmother when you and Sunghoon met at the beginning-of-semester party. They cornered him once at a party and forced him to spill the beans and spare no detail, because you apparently were “denying everything, but we know there’s something going on.” Jay is still Sunghoon’s go-to person when he needs advice concerning you, although the older boy doesn’t understand why it has to be so complicated and always tells him to “just tell her how you feel,” which Sunghoon will not do unless there is a gun to his head. But Jake just seems happy to see his friend and his sister get along this well—no matter how many times you wear his jacket at their games or disappear at the same time at the end of parties, he doesn’t grow suspicious. If he does, he doesn’t mention it to Sunghoon, at least.

Between the two of you, not a word is spoken about the nature of your relationship, which remains unbearingly undefined. For a while, he weakly convinces himself that he doesn’t need to have that conversation with you. He’s young, he’s free, he should be able to enjoy casual sex without putting a label on it. The main problem, though, was that the sex could not be further from casual, at the very least not to Sunghoon.

He has never known anything quite like it. In mere weeks, you’ve both mastered the art of pleasuring each other. He understands your body like it’s his, knows what each of the sounds and expressions you make means. He knows where to touch you to have a kiss go from light-hearted to dizzyingly intense, how to move his mouth to have you arching your back and holding onto him for dear life. And you—he thinks your skin must be laced with cocaine, the way he can never get enough of it. 

But it’s always the moments afterwards that get him in his head. To him, casual sex means getting dressed the minute it’s over and going off to do other things, which is the absolute opposite of what you do. Whether it’s falling asleep together or spending Sundays in bed, you always stay together afterwards, curled up in each other’s arms as you talk away the hours, conversations interspersed with slow, lazy kisses. He’ll say things like, “You’re so pretty,” or “Why do you smell so good?” because he’s so smitten with you that he can never stop himself from uttering every compliment that flashes through his brain, but the things he really wants to say are harder to speak out loud. Even just a What are we?—three simple words that he can’t bring himself to ask, too scared it’ll ruin everything. 

Arguably worse is that sex isn’t even a requirement for when you and Sunghoon see each other. He goes on walks with you whenever you’ve spent too much time in the library and need some fresh air. You go shopping with him when his department throws a fundraiser and he needs a formal outfit. He cooks you your favorite meal when your period is particularly nasty. You sneak into the ice rink after his practice and let him ‘teach’ you how to skate, even though you already learned how with Jake when you were kids. Even mundane moments become fun when spent with you, and you share so many hobbies and interests that you never run out of things to do or talk about.

And yet, it feels like one step forward, two steps back with you—if you let him close one night, you’ll run away the next. A week will pass without you seeing each other outside of the library or group hang-outs, and if Sunghoon asks you out, you’ll say no, usually blaming the amount of work you have. He gets it—due to the nature of your degree and your being a fourth-year student, your workload is much heavier than his, with essays, translations and oral presentations due every other week. And that’s not even including midterms and finals. But still, he doesn’t see why you would need to stay at the library for ten hours straight for days on end. He’d start worrying about your health if you didn’t at least relax on weekends. 

So while Sunghoon wants nothing more than to go all in with you, he senses you holding back. He notices you avoiding eye contact during particularly intimate moments, and when you look at him perhaps too fondly for your liking, you quickly catch yourself and resume your neutral, sometimes almost cold expression. When he tries to broach more personal, sensitive topics, you always find a way to change the subject or turn the conversation towards him before you get too deep. 

As time passes, and especially as exam season nears, he can tell there’s something that you’re not telling him about. His suspicions are confirmed when you come back from a weekend at your parents’ house. He’s also been away for an out-of-town hockey game, and because he hasn’t had much time to text you (and because their team won, so he wants to show off a little), he’s particularly looking forward to seeing you again that Monday. It’s only been three days since you’ve last seen each other, but he misses you like crazy. 

But the minute you’re back, you bury yourself in work like never before, often waking up at ungodly hours and staying at the library until midnight. More than once, he stays behind with you, long after the others have gone, reminding you gently every hour that it might be time to go home and get some rest. The moments you actually agree are few and far between, and although he sticks it out at first, sleeping with his head on the table until you tell him you’re ready to go, your stubbornness soon starts frustrating him, and he ends up leaving when he gets too tired. He knows this is important to you, but he doesn’t understand why you have to go to these lengths—you’d still easily be one of the best students in your class without all this exertion. And despite his many attempts, you won’t tell him what’s wrong, won’t even admit that something is wrong—you keep repeating that “it’s just what exam season is like.”

When he asks your friends about it, they seem just as confused as he is. One evening when you have plans to order some food and watch a movie at your apartment, he shows up at the agreed time, but you’re nowhere to be found. Thankfully, the girls are there to let him up and not leave him standing outside in the rain. You don’t pick up when he calls you and call him back a minute later, apologizing profusely but still saying that there’s something you really need to finish first. If it was only a one-time thing, it wouldn’t make him as angry as it does—but this has been going on for almost two weeks now, and Sunghoon is close to boiling point. 

The fact that it’s been months since your date at the Japanese restaurant, and the only thing that you’ve said about what was happening between you and Sunghoon “didn’t have to change anything.” The fact that you’re essentially each other’s boyfriend and girlfriend without the label or the reassurance that comes with it. The fact that there’s something clearly bothering you but that you won’t tell him about it. The fact that this something is effectively coming between the two of you. Sunghoon was originally more worried about you than anything—now that studying has taken obvious precedence over him in your list of priorities, he’d be lying if he said his ego wasn’t wounded. He isn’t asking to be the number one most important thing in your life, and he knew before even meeting you that high academic performance meant a lot to you, but he likes to think he deserves at least a little bit of your time and attention. 

Except, does he really? It’s not like you’re actually dating.

There’s a pang in his heart as he remembers this fact that he should never have forgotten in the first place. It hurts—and so perhaps, he’s less patient than he ought to be.

“Whatever, Y/N. Don’t worry about it, just let me know when you have time for something other than getting As.”

He hangs up and meets your flatmates’ worried eyes. 

“She still at the library?” Chaewon asks, tone delicate as if trying not to scare off a wounded animal. Sunghoon nods, a deep sigh escaping his mouth. 

“She always studies a lot,” Minjeong starts, “but this is something else.”

“Have you guys tried saying something?”

The girls nod. “Even Jake has talked to her, but she won’t listen. And he usually always gets to her,” Minjeong says. 

He goes home soon afterwards and spends the rest of his evening in rumination, torn between his worry and his anger towards you—emotions which only increase as more days pass, and he sees less and less of you. Your behavior was already concerning while preparing for your exams and final assignments, it gets even worse when exams actually do start. He doesn’t hear from you for an entire week, and the one time you miraculously agree to a short group hang-out in the form of getting coffee, you’re only half there, physically present but mind far, far away. You barely react when the guys tell you about their victory at the latest hockey game—which you didn’t attend, as well as any other game recently. 

No matter how much he tries to put it out of his mind, to focus on his own exams and hockey games, you stay at the forefront of his thoughts. The hockey team is away for another out-of-town game when he decides to broach the subject with Jake, with whom he’s sharing a room. The entire semester, he’s been careful not to raise Jake’s suspicions about the two of you, both out of consideration for you, who’d mentioned you didn’t want your brother to know what was going on, and for himself, who would also rather Jake not know, at least not until your relationship became official. Which it never did. But now that all he gets from you is radio silence at a time when you’d usually be an hour into a FaceTime call, he can’t help himself.

Jake is just coming out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel, when Sunghoon takes his shot in the dark. “Have you heard from Y/N recently?” he asks as nonchalantly as he can, pretending to not be avidly waiting for his friend’s reaction by keeping his eyes on his phone.

“Y/N?” Jake echoes. “No, not really. Why?”

“Just ‘cause I haven’t seen her around much. I’m wondering if everything’s okay.”

“You mean her staying at the library all day?” Sunghoon nods; Jake sighs. “Yeah, she’ll snap out of it soon enough. She gets somewhat like this every time exams come around, but even I have to admit it’s pretty tough this time around. The last time I saw her like this was way back in high school, and that’s because our parents were watching right over her shoulder. It’s been better in university thanks to the distance.”

“So this has to do with your parents?”

“Oh, one hundred percent. She’s always wanted to do well at school, but she only gets this obsessive when our parents are involved.”

“I guess this did start after that weekend when she went home…” Sunghoon muses absent-mindedly. It could’ve passed off as an off-hand remark, but Jake pauses in his movements and looks at him warily.

“Yeah, she did… You noticed that, huh?”

Sunghoon pauses. This whole time, he was sure Jake was oblivious to anything happening between you and him—but he might have underestimated his friend. Like brother, like sister; he can hardly read either of you when he really needs to. Jake might genuinely be surprised that Sunghoon remembered your whereabouts that weekend, or he’s onto him. “I guess I did,” he finally says, going for as noncommittal an answer as he can.

Jake says nothing for a bit, and Sunghoon thinks he’s managed to get through the conversation without raising too much suspicion—until a minute later, when Jake speaks again. “Do you… like Y/N?”

Sunghoon freezes, snapping his head towards Jake, who’s lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. His first instinct is to deny, but there’s no point pretending anymore. It’s one thing keeping it from Jake—lying to him about it is something else entirely. It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but it must be had. “Yeah, I do,” Sunghoon replies, guilt clear in his voice, more because he’s only now admitting it to Jake than because of his feelings themselves.

A shaky breath comes out of Jake’s mouth, as if this was the exact answer he had dreaded. “Right, okay. Since when?”

“Since I met her, basically.”

Jake’s head whips towards Sunghoon, and their gazes meet awkwardly. “Since that party in September?” he asks, shock written all over his face. Sunghoon nods, and to his surprise, Jake bursts out laughing. “Don’t tell me it’s because you accidentally matched costumes?”

Sunghoon looks away, frowning. “That might’ve helped things along,” he mumbles, embarrassment washing over him as Jake’s laughter intensifies. At least he was taking it well—a bit too well, perhaps.

“You’re so predictable, man,” Jake says when he’s calmed down, wiping a tear from his eye. 

“How did you know, anyway?”

“You’ve been pretty obvious with it recently,” Jake replies after a few seconds. “I could tell you were a bit shy around her at first, and when it got better I just thought you’d become friends or something. But when she showed up with your jacket at every game and you never left her side at parties, I assumed something else was going on. You’ve always been staying behind at the library these days, and I know you don’t have that much work.”

Sunghoon chuckles. “I guess I haven’t been trying hard to hide it lately.”

“Yeah, why would you hide it in the first place? You could’ve just told me.”

“I didn’t want to make things weird.”

Jake frowns. “It wouldn’t have been weird. If anything, hiding it makes it weirder.”

“I just thought, if one of my friends had a crush on my sister, I’d probably rather they hid it. Like, I don’t need to know about that,” Sunghoon says, and it makes Jake laugh.

“Dude, Y/N and I are only a year apart. Do you know how many guys have come up to me asking me for her number or advice on how to ask her out? It’s been, like, one every few months since middle school. Guys here especially have no shame telling me how hot they find her.”

Sunghoon makes a face. He doesn’t disagree, but he’d never go out of his way to tell your brother how exquisite you looked in certain outfits. “That’s gross.”

“Yeah, it is. But you’re my friend, not some greasy rando, so I trust you. If anything, I’d probably have to tell her to be nice to you, and not the other way around.”

“Yeah, you could say that again,” Sunghoon grumbles, then realizes his mistake immediately, eyes widening.

“What do you mean?” Jake asks, sounding genuine at first, but when Sunghoon stays quiet for a couple seconds, debating whether he should just lay the truth bare, Jake sits up on the bed and repeats his question, his tone much warier this time around. Sunghoon glances at him then looks away guiltily.

“Well, to be completely honest… We’ve sort of been seeing each other, kind of. But it’s complicated.”

Jake flops back down on his mattress with a grunt. “Who else knows?” he asks, rubbing at his eyes with his hands as if suddenly very exhausted.

“Everyone…”

“Everyone?!”

“Well, Jay, Minjeong, Yunjin and Chaewon.”

“So everyone.”

“Basically, yeah.”

“Great.” Jake sighs. “Since when?”

“Since October,” Sunghoon mumbles, feeling guiltier than ever. He’s belatedly realizing that it would’ve been much easier to have everything out in the open from the get-go, both with you and with Jake; now he’s both stuck in situationship limbo and has to face the consequences of keeping something this important from one of his closest friends. “Are you upset?” Sunghoon asks, feeling a bit like a ten-year-old.

“Kinda, yeah, but more at her than at you. I’ve told her not to go after anyone from the hockey team.”

“‘Cause of Heeseung?”

“Yeah. God, that was messy. He gave her mixed signals for so long, I could barely talk to him without thinking of her crying for so long. And now he’s the one who can’t quite look me in the eye,” Jake says, shaking his head at the mere thought of his captain.

“Was it that bad? She made it seem like it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

Jake raises his eyebrows. “Really? It upset her for a while though,” he says, then turns his head to look at the ceiling again. “I guess that’s not so surprising of her. She sometimes likes pretending she doesn’t have any emotions, even though I’m pretty sure she has more than most people.”

“Huh.” That would explain some things, Sunghoon muses. Emotions are not a topic that comes up very often with you, and every time he’s gotten an inkling of them, you seem to shut it all down immediately.

“But you know, I’m more surprised than anything. About… about it all, really. Not just that you’re only telling me now, but that it’s lasted this long. She must really like you.”

“You think?” Sunghoon says, his face brightening with hope, the words slipping from him before he can stop them once again. He shrinks when Jake laughs at him.

“Look at you. Down bad, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“But yeah, dude. I’ve told you about this. I’ve never seen her in a relationship, ever. Says she doesn’t have the time,” Jake says, air-quoting you. “I’ve only had the displeasure of seeing her go home with one-night-stands. You know that since she started college, she’s had a rule that she’d only see someone three times and that was it?”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, so she wouldn’t catch feelings. I’m telling you, she’s crazy. So you must be special.”

Sunghoon can’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips—special. But it doesn’t make him feel that much better, either. “It’s not like we’re actually dating, so I’m not sure how special I can be…”

Jake’s head turns to look at Sunghoon again, but the younger boy keeps his eyes trained on the ceiling fan above him. “What’s happening between you guys?”

A blush creeps on Sunghoon’s cheeks. “Is this something you really want to talk about?”

“Well, spare me the gruesome details, please,” Jake says, chuckling, “but yeah, I would like to know what’s going on with my best friend and my sister.”

“I’m your best friend?” Sunghoon says, grinning as he meets Jake’s gaze, who rolls his eyes.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Fine.” He sighs. “Well, I didn’t think it would happen more than once-”

“What would happen more than once?”

Sunghoon pauses. “Well, you know…” Jake gives him a look as if to say, Well, no, I don’t know, so Sunghoon is forced to go on: “Sleeping together.”

“You guys slept together?!” Jake exclaims, sitting up on his bed once again.

“Yeah, what did you think?”

“I don’t know, just that you were going on dates, hanging out one-on-one, or whatever…”

“Well, we were.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Jake says, waving his hand in front of his face like swatting a fly away. “So, not just once, then?”

“No. And I thought it’d be a one-time thing, ‘cause a few days afterwards she said something about it not having to change our friendship…”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. But then it did. Happen again, I mean. And it’s been happening frequently since. But we’re not… dating dating. We haven’t had that conversation.”

Jake frowns. “Why not?”

Sunghoon releases a shaky breath. Why not, indeed. “‘Cause she hasn’t mentioned it. And I’m too scared to do it.”

“What are you scared of?”

“The typical stuff. What we have now… it’s not what I want, but it’s managed to not disrupt the group, you know. I’m scared that if I tell her how I feel, it’ll make things awkward between the two of us, and between all of us by extension.”

“Well, it might,” Jake says after thinking for a few seconds. “I wish I could tell you with certainty that she’ll like you back, but I honestly can’t. As obvious as you were towards her, she was not giving anything away.” Sunghoon chuckles, more out of self-deprecation than anything. This was not the pep talk he had hoped for. “But, I can tell you that she won’t be the type to make things awkward. You have nothing to risk by telling her, because in the long run, you’ll be better off that way. I know you, Sunghoon. You’ll be miserable if you can’t be fully yourself with someone.”

Decidedly, Sunghoon’s friends had a way of telling him the exact opposite of the things he wanted to hear while being completely right. He wishes things with you could stay the same — minus the overworking yourself and ignoring him in the process — and that he wouldn’t have to do anything that might make them change. But just as Jake said, he’d also reach a point where he couldn’t take it anymore—a point he was already inching closer and closer to with every passing day. He likes you enough to let you not define the relationship, but he likes you too much to let it go on. He likes you too much to not be able to tell you, and show you, and remind you of it every day. He hated having to hold back, and he hated feeling you holding back. He wanted to give you his all and he wanted all of you, too, not just bite-sized portions of you.

“You’re right,” he finally says. “I haven’t been able to talk to her lately, but I’ll have to tell her soon enough. When her exams are over, I guess.”

Jake sighs. “Yeah. I don’t know if there’s any getting through to her right now.”

“She’s blown me off so many times! I don’t know what she’s doing, spending so many hours in that library. I’d go insane.”

“She’s a perfectionist,” Jake says, shaking his head. “I’ve talked to her about it. When it comes to school, she needs everything to be as flawless as can be. She spends hours re-reading and editing her work. It’s not good.”

“Not really, no.”

“But she’s only got a week left. I’ll try to convince her not to go home for too long, and it’ll be better after the holidays. Then we’ll make sure there’s not a repeat of this next exam season.”

He thinks of Christmas break and of not seeing you for two weeks; of next semester and going through all of this with you a second time. The uncertainty, the fooling around behind your friends’ backs — although that might not be needed now that Jake is in on it too — Sunghoon’s not sure if he can go through it all again. “Yeah, we will.”

--

They lose their game the following day. They had an amazing run, either winning or tying every game so far; this loss is not enough to make them drop significantly in the rankings, but it’s enough to demoralize Sunghoon. It couldn’t have come at a worse time—between you and this failed game, his self-esteem is taking a real hit.

He dared hope for some comfort from you once he was back, but in vain. He doesn’t know why he imagined your attitude might’ve changed overnight, and when he texts you asking to hang out, the same old sorry I can’t atm fills his phone screen. And just like that, as strong as his feelings for you have been all this time, so is his resentment—unwarranted, perhaps, but he thinks he deserves better than this, and he’s both angry at you for not giving him anything and at himself for letting it happen.

Now, he’s the one who spends hours working himself to the bone in the ice rink, who’s clearly preoccupied with other things when everyone gets together, and who doesn’t even show up to the party the whole group goes to when you’re all done with exams. The last game before winter break is in two days, and he doesn’t want to waste a day nursing a hangover when he could be practicing.

That night, he thinks everyone is out at some random club downtown, so he does a double-take when it’s past eleven p.m. and you show up at the rink. He’s skating laps, practicing his speed and his goal-shooting, only noticing you when you’re standing in the middle of the rink. He almost skates right into you.

“Y/N?” he asks, not completely sure you’re not just a figment of his imagination. He’s so exhausted, he wouldn’t be surprised if he were dreaming you up.

“Jay texted me.”

“Oh. Why?” He’s out of breath, and the words come out blunter than he intends them to.

“Because it’s almost midnight and you’re still here,” you reply, crossing your arms over your chest. There’s a hint of a smile on your lips, but your eyebrows are furrowed in what looks like worry. It’s the first time Sunghoon’s seeing you concerned over something other than an assignment. 

He shrugs and resumes his laps, slower this time, forcing you to keep turning on your feet. “I’m practicing. There’s a big game coming up.”

“Which is exactly why you should be resting, like everyone else on your team right now.”

He resists rolling his eyes. “Why would I rest when I could be getting better?”

“Because you need rest as much as you need practice. You won’t be any use on the rink if you’re too tired to play properly.”

“And I won’t be any use if I can’t shoot properly, either.”

“Sunghoon, you need a break. You’re clearly exhausted-Will you stop it?” you suddenly snap. “I’m trying to talk to you, and I’m getting dizzy.” 

Your small outburst only has him growing more agitated, and even though he does stop, it’s more so you can see the annoyance on his face than anything. “You know, this is a bit rich coming from you, Y/N.” He knows this is not the right time to bring this up—if he has grievances against you, he shouldn’t be bringing them up when he’s already frustrated. He’s well aware of this, but he can’t help himself.

You scoff. “Excuse me?”

“You’re the one who spends twelve hours a day in the library during exams and does not budge even if I tell you you should go home.”

“That’s different-”

“How is it any different?” he interrupts, voice rising. “You don’t listen to me when you overwork yourself. I don’t see why I should.”

“So you realize that you’re overworking yourself?”

“Of course I do! But I have to.”

“No, you don’t-”

“Y/N, please. I have to win as much as you have to get the top grades. Is it actually necessary? No, but you know how shit it feels not to.”

“And it’s exactly because I know that feeling that I’m telling you to stop. You’re just feeding into it.”

“So are you, staying until 2 a.m. in the library. You’ve never once gone home when I asked you to.”

“Again, that’s different-”

“How?! How is it different? Please enlighten me, ‘cause they’re the exact same thing to me.”

You sigh. A sudden sadness appears on your face. Sunghoon is torn between wanting to see this to its end and taking everything he’s said back. But he keeps quiet, and your eyes, when they meet his again, harden. “Are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Yes.”

As if you couldn’t say your next words while looking at him, you tear your gaze away from his face. “Because I’m actually concerned about you, here. The only reason you want me to stop and go home is so we can fuck.”

Sunghoon is so astounded that all words fail him—he stares at you, mouth wide open like you just shot him. After a few seconds, all he’s able to come up with is an incredulous, “What?” His voice is a mere whisper. 

“You heard me,” you say coldly.

He closes his mouth and swallows. “So… you’re the one who’s worried, and I’m only after sex?”

You glance at him. “Yeah.”

A chuckle escapes Sunghoon’s throat, then another, until laughter spills out of him uncontrollably. He feels like the world is upside down. How could you have lived the same thing and come out of it with such different perspectives? Your account of his intentions with you is so ridiculous and unfathomable to him that he can’t do anything but laugh.

You seem taken aback at first, but your surprise quickly turns into annoyance. “Something funny?”

“Hilarious, actually,” he says, holding his stomach. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. All he finds at the end of his amusement is anger, bright red and hot. It’s not an emotion he feels often, its rarity only serving as an intensifier—he starts making his way out of the rink before it can explode and hit you in its wake. “Well, that’s convinced me to call it a day. So you got what you came for, I guess.”

His fingers tremble as he undoes the laces on his skates and puts his sneakers on again. You stand by the door of the rink, holding onto the frame as you look at him, that same sad look still on your face. “Hoon,” you say, voice weak. What would usually have him melting only has his anger flare harder.

“Don’t. For the first time ever, I actually really don’t want to talk to you right now.” He stands up, gives you one last harsh look, and turns away. He only halts right before exiting the bleacher area, and after a couple seconds of thinking, turns back around. “Oh, but don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I want to fuck again. Since that’s all this is, clearly.”

--

It seemed to you no one thought you were good enough for Sunghoon.

Only Yunjin and Chaewon seemed excited at the prospect of the two of you getting together, or at least getting to know each other, but they were also the type to coo at dogs in the street and tear up at the sight of old people holding hands; Minjeong was apprehensive from the start, and made it clear; Jay was indifferent; Jake was oblivious for a while. Sunghoon was…

What was Sunghoon?

Someone who had come out of nowhere, shaken up your routine and messed with your head. That’s what Sunghoon was. He didn’t seem apologetic in the slightest.

Maybe it was your fault for not opening up to the people closest to you and letting them think you were some kind of no-strings-attached one-night-stands-only emotionless maneater who had been single for as long as they had known her, who would be seen with someone new every few months, and never for long, who, as far as the eye could tell, only used men for sex. Maybe it was their fault for never trying to dig deeper.

No, okay, it was definitely your fault.

Based on your conversations with your friends, they thought Heeseung had broken your heart, and you had never bounced back properly. He’d hurt you so much, you couldn’t fathom a real relationship anymore—you could only be with someone casually. Which wasn’t so far from the truth, but what Heeseung had done was much worse than just breaking your heart. He’d confirmed what you already knew of yourself: you want too much. You want what you can’t have, what you don’t deserve.

From the moment you met Park Sunghoon, you knew you didn’t deserve someone like him. Minjeong seemed to agree, and when she saw you and him together at choir that Saturday in September, three months ago already, she made sure you knew her thoughts on the matter.

“This is so… unlike you,” was the first thing she’d said after she pulled you aside. 

“What is?”

“This,” she repeated, waving her arms around. “Being here. Coming with him.” She pointed at Sunghoon, whose hair was being ruffled by one grandma and his cheek pulled by another. He kept glancing back worriedly at you—you liked him so much already. “See? You’re smiling at him,” she said, making you realize a sappy smile had started growing on your lips at the sight of him. Your face dropped and you scoffed at the disgust in her voice.

“Yeah, some of us like to smile. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Y/N, you know what I’m trying to say.”

“I don’t think I do, actually.”

She sighed. “You don’t do this. You don’t meet a guy and show up to his choir practice the next morning. What’s happening?”

You crossed your arms over your chest. Had you known your presence would be questioned like that, you might’ve thought twice about coming. “Can’t a girl enjoy a choir without getting interrogated these days?”

“You’re avoiding my question! Listen, Y/N. Sunghoon is not the kind of guy you usually go for. He’s-Stop. Don’t smile at me like that.”

“If you like Sunghoon, you can just tell me. You know I wouldn’t stoop so low as to go after a guy my best friend likes.”

“So you are going after him?”

“So you do like him?”

Minjeong shook her head violently and put her hands on your shoulders, staring into your brain as if trying to make you see some sense. Calmly, she said, “No, I don’t. Sunghoon’s nice, but he is so far from my type. He’s too… nice.”

“You mean he doesn’t wear leather jackets or ride a motorcycle?”

“That was once. But no, he doesn’t do that. And what I’m trying to tell you is that he’s not your type either.”

“And how have you gathered that?”

“Because so far, you’ve only wisely chosen guys who are as detached and emotionally stunted as you.”

“I’m not-”

“But he’s not like that, Y/N. He’s the bring-home-to-your-parents-for-Christmas type. Not the hump-and-dump type.”

“I’m starting to get offended by this conversation.”

“All I’m saying is, don’t go breaking his heart. Or yours, for that matter. It pains me to say but I care about both of you very much and I don’t see this going anywhere good.”

You shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Was her opinion of your romantic tendencies — or lack thereof — that bad that she couldn’t even recommend you to her friend? You felt like a chastised child whose mom told you you couldn’t get the toy you wanted. Despite being well aware that you weren’t the most committed when it came to relationships, you still felt like she was going overboard. Just because nothing had stuck so far didn’t mean it wouldn’t now—she was acting like you went around playing with people’s feelings for fun.

“Jesus, this is my second time seeing him. I just wanna see what his deal is. I’m not breaking anyone’s heart, okay?” 

The choir conductor had called out for everyone to gather on stage then, and that was the end of that conversation. You still remember how funny of a thing it was, seeing Sunghoon in his nice shirt and trousers, his hair falling into his eyes, singing diligently with the choir, when just the night before he had been playing beer pong dressed as Cowboy Ken. In this new light, you understood why Minjeong was so adamant about him not being your usual type, and why the grandmas were fussing over him. You hadn’t known what had pushed you to invite yourself to this rehearsal, and even then as you sat there, you weren’t sure what you were doing or why you couldn’t stop smiling as you watched Sunghoon sing. 

Time made things clearer, starting with that afternoon at the beach. The salt in the air that day had clouded your thoughts, covered them with a thin layer so that your usual reluctance to share anything remotely personal had dimmed. Or maybe it had had nothing to do with the air and everything to do with the boy sitting next to you on the sand, the way words came tumbling out of your mouth before you could think about them and were only met with understanding and empathy on his part. For once, you didn’t feel the need to guard yourself, to adapt your words and actions to the person in front of you. It was something you didn’t know was possible with a near stranger—perhaps because Sunghoon felt nothing like one.

He made you feel things you hadn’t felt in a long time; things you had been craving to feel, needed almost as much as oxygen. Being with him felt like breathing again. But you had been underwater so long, being on land again felt foreign, scary, and you couldn’t help but dive back into safe waters, coming up for air once in a while.

Whether he had intended to or not, Sunghoon had started to scratch at your surface, until he’d burrowed a small hole—shallow, but enough for cracks to appear, cracks you were quick to put back together as best as you could.

So when his gaze was too tender, his touches too gentle, you bristled. You went away, because you were afraid of what might happen if you stayed. The more you wanted to give him, the less you gave him anything at all. Your own desire overwhelmed you. His letterman jacket was warm around your shoulders, you proudly walked around with the four letters of his last name on your back, but you couldn’t get out of your mind how cold it would be if it was one day ripped away from you. 

You thought of Heeseung, how disillusioned you had been when you thought you had finally met someone who would love you the way you had always yearned to be, only for him to toss you away when you started asking for too much. You thought of your friends in middle school, how it seemed that no friendship could be more wonderful until you overheard them talking about you at a sleepover, about how clingy you were. You thought of your parents, how they had only bestowed kind words upon you when you performed well in your role of perfect daughter, of academically gifted child. How they hadn’t even glanced at any of the drawings you’d done of the four of you, mother, father, son and daughter holding hands with a bright yellow sun in the corner of the sky. How they had pushed you away from their bed when you seeked some comfort after a terrible nightmare. How they had never bothered to hide their disappointment when you came home from school with anything less than an A. How they had shunned your brother for not going down the path they had envisioned for him, how hard you had to fight to make them accept yours was not a worthless one.

Even your best friend seemed to think you were unable to receive affection of the likes of Sunghoon’s—but what you were afraid of was that he wouldn’t handle the amount of affection you knew you were able to give. In a way, that was what had drawn you to Sunghoon in the first place—from the moment you’d met him, you had been able to tell there was something of you in him. It seemed to you he had a heart that was overflowing with love, love to give, love to spare on whoever would have it. In his words, you were him. Nevertheless, your fear of getting hurt overrode your desire to feel Sunghoon’s love, and you didn’t know whether you would be able to revert to your nature after having spent so much time perfecting your new facade.

You knew what it was like to be cold. And so you prematurely braced yourself for it by pushing away Sunghoon’s warmth. If it was going to happen at some point, like Minjeong had hinted it would, might as well get used to it, right?

Except the cold never came. Sunghoon kept on burning relentlessly, no matter how much wood you fed his fire with—you could cling to him for nights on end or ignore his texts for days, without fail, he’d welcome you with his usual, unwavering warmth. He allowed you to bask in it, to momentarily let down your defenses. But something always happened to make you raise them back up—Minjeong would eye the two of you suspiciously, Heeseung would post on Instagram (Is one of the girls on slide five his new fling? Are they serious and it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, it’s that he didn’t want one with me?), or your mom would text you to ask you whether everything was okay.

Yet increasingly, you suspected there was something behind Sunghoon’s warmth, something you had missed, something that was tricking you. He looked at you like you had hung the stars in the night sky, yes; in public, a knowing look from you was enough to have his face turn bright red, and in private, one simple touch had his chest heaving, yes; he expressed disappointment every time you turned him down for a hang-out. Your attachment to him grew, and it became harder to put what the two of you had into words.

It wasn’t just sex—it couldn’t be. It ran deeper than that. You knew what relationships that consisted of just sex were like, and this wasn’t that, it was too good, too intimate to be just that. But you weren’t a couple, that much was clear. Only four other people were aware something was even going on, your brother not included, and you acted as regular friends in front of everyone. Jake had insisted you didn’t fool around with another member of his hockey team because his relationship with Heeseung had already deteriorated enough, he didn’t need to be on weird terms with anyone else on your behalf, so you were not keen on letting him know about what you got up to with Sunghoon. Anyway, even if everyone on earth was in on your shenanigans, you and Sunghoon hadn’t convened on what it all meant. Who knew what was going on in his head? You were no stranger to how deceitful men could be when they were after certain bodily pleasures. Unless Sunghoon said it in so many words, multiple times, you would not be a hundred percent sure he wasn’t only looking to get laid, or wanted someone to act like his girlfriend without the label and the obligations that came with it.

Because you basically were acting like his girlfriend, and he like your boyfriend. You always went to each other. Always, only each other. Whether he needed a second opinion on an outfit, you needed a rant session about your dissertation, either of you a really good orgasm, it was each other you went to.

You waited for him to initiate a conversation about the status of your relationship like one waits for church bells to ring at the turn of the hour—you knew it was coming, but the sound might be too much to bear. And the longer you had to wait, the more you dreaded it. Because how would you react when the time came? You didn’t trust yourself not to run away; neither did Minjeong.

The cold hadn’t come yet. You couldn’t let yourself feel the warmth unreservedly. It was all unpleasantly lukewarm.

Then you went home for a weekend.

It was a good friend from school’s birthday, and despite having spent a lot of time with Sunghoon at the expense of studying, you had done well this semester and thought you deserved a break. After having been away for so long, you had started to underestimate the power of your need for your parents’ approval over you. One small instance that your brother and many other people would’ve brushed off easily was enough to set you off—that same cold look of disappointment when you decided to be honest and told them one of your courses was deadly boring all while being unnecessarily complicated and you had received a low B-grade in it. They barely spoke to you for the rest of the evening.

Exams were a mere few weeks away when you got back. You buried yourself in work, forgot everything and everyone else, even Sunghoon, even yourself.

The cold hadn’t come yet, so you sought it out for yourself.

At the same time, you hadn’t indulged in enough introspection to realize how frustrated you had been at Sunghoon for not trying to create defined boundaries around your relationship. You were unable to do it yourself, you unrealistically wanted him to do the work for the both of you, you got upset when he didn’t. What you were able to do was make up reasons why he wasn’t giving you the what are we talk—he doesn’t like you that much, he just wants sex, he’s settling for you until he finds the next best thing, the real thing. This wasn’t leading anywhere, so you cut it off before he could.

You set foot in the library at seven thirty a.m. on a Monday and every following day of that week, then the next, then the next. He managed to pull you out every now and then—you weren’t that strong against his big pleading eyes, his soft messy hair, his warm hands that entirely covered yours. 

Oftentimes, you were too tired at the end of a long library day to have sex. Sunghoon never held it against you—he seemed more than happy to cook you dinner, let you fall asleep halfway during a movie you had chosen, and cuddle all night long. But your body burned with resentment at his mere presence in your bed, in your home, in your text messages. Who was he to stop you from studying, from achieving your goals, to distract you from that top grade just so he could get off? Even your friends and brother weren’t trying so hard to make you take breaks. The worry that furrowed his eyebrows, which you used to want to see fade away with a caress of your thumb, now infuriated you to no end, it seemed — to you — put-on. He kissed your neck and you wanted to push him away instead of melt into him like you had before.

It was his turn to leave for a weekend for an out-of-town hockey game, and you convinced yourself his absence came as a relief. But on the Sunday evening they got back, as you came out of the library, you spotted your brother waiting right outside of the building.

“Why is it so hard to reach you?” he said when he saw you in lieu of a greeting. “What’s the point of having a phone if you don’t even use it? I called you, like, five times.” “It was on airplane mode.” He rolled his eyes so hard, you could almost hear them moving beneath their lids. “What have you done to Sunghoon?” You stopped dead in your tracks. “Sunghoon? What about him?” you asked, chest constricting at the mere thought of him and at the implication that something had happened to him, even if you were the cause. He hadn’t said it in so many words, but it was clear the truth had been revealed to Jake, and for some reason, it didn’t surprise you. You knew they roomed together and assumed Sunghoon must’ve told him. You tried your best to take it in stride. “I thought we said the hockey team was off-limits after Heeseung,” he said sternly. “Also, Sunghoon, of all people?” he adds before you can say anything. “That’s like, my bro. And he’s the nicest guy ever. Not the perfect pick for one of your victims, I must say-” “Oh, please, he’s not a victim. He’s a consenting adult.” “Then why is he so upset over you spending more time studying than with him?” “That’s the male ego for you, Jakey.” Your brother sighed deeply. “He’s really hurt, Y/N. If you were going to reject him, you could’ve done it nicely.”

You frowned. “Who said anything about rejecting him?”

“You’ve shut him out. You’ve shut all of us out.” Jake was staring at you, trying to get you to look at him, but you kept your gaze on the ground and kicked non-existent pebbles around, hands hiding in your coat pockets. “You might not have meant it as one, but he took it as a rejection.”

You scoff. “There was nothing to reject. It’s not like we’re actually together.”

“Yeah, thanks for telling me anything was going on, by the way.”

“It wasn’t any of your business.”

“It is, ‘cause it concerns my sister and my best friend.”

“He’s your best friend?” you echo, a teasing smile on your lips. He rolls his eyes again.

“God, maybe you guys aren’t so bad together after all. But Y/N—I’m serious. You need to do something.”

“Why can’t he?”

“Because you’re the one who’s been fucking around.”

Ouch. “You’ve known about this whole thing for what, two days, and you’re already blaming me for the fact that it’s not going perfectly? How little do you think of me?”

“I don’t think little of you, Y/N, I just know you have a track record of not being serious about relationships.”

Your body tensed up. Maybe it had been a particularly long day. Maybe it had been a long time coming. Tears well up in your eyes—a sight you’ve not let your brother see in many, many years.

“You know what, fuck this, Jake. I’m stressed enough as it is. I’ve done my best with what I have, and you don’t get to pin this on me. As if I was the only person in that relationship. If Sunghoon has a problem, he can take it up with me directly.”

You walked away. Jake called after you once, and when you didn’t come back, caught up with you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t wanna upset you. I just-I hate seeing him hurt, you know? And you too.”

“I’m glad my feelings are of some importance to you.”

“Of course they are,” Jake said, too concerned to detect the sarcasm in your words. “And you’re right, I’ve only heard Sunghoon’s side of the story. But it really sounded like-”

“Listen, Jakey, I really don’t wanna do this right now. Let’s talk about it when exams are over. I can’t have anything else taking up mental space. I mixed up my Greek third declension endings earlier.”

“God forbid.”

After some arguing, Jake let you off the hook—“Just for now,” he said. You’d get him to recount his and Sunghoon’s conversation in excruciating detail later.

You come out of an evening of contemplation resenting Sunghoon for bitching about you to your brother, of all people. As if he had been begging on his hands and knees for your devotion, as if you had been cool-headed and detached and not thinking he’ll ask me to be his girlfriend any second now every time you spent time together. You told yourself you were well and truly done with him for the time being. If there was anything to salvage, that was future you’s problem.

But late on Thursday evening, Jay sent you a voice message, something he only did when he was gravely drunk, shouting over loud chatter and rap music that Sunghoon hadn’t shown up to a party and was apparently still practicing. You’d caught wind of their loss at the game, and even though your heart had swollen with concern for Sunghoon, very well aware of how important winning was to him, you’d managed to squash it down. You had bigger fish to fry, namely, an Italian written exam that made up 75% of your overall grade for that course. But after ten minutes of re-reading the same three lines of an article from Republicca, you couldn’t get the image of Sunghoon skirting endlessly around the ice rink and potentially hurting himself out of your head. You told yourself you only had this one exam left and plenty of time to revise for it, packed up your things and headed for the rink.

It was past eleven p.m. when you got there. The rest is history. 

Your grievances came out in an ugly way, but Sunghoon’s refusal to listen to you got the best of your nerves, and although you really did feel that your worry was more genuine than his, you didn’t truly believe that all he wanted from you was sex—at least, you hoped it wasn’t. It was the first time you ever saw any sort of negative emotion on Sunghoon’s handsome features, be it anger, sadness or pain. It tugged at your heartstrings, made you want to wrap him in your arms and get him away from whatever it was that tugged his eyebrows into a frown—even if that was you.

Now, as if the water has inched up your ankles and frozen over, your feet stay planted on the ice for a while after he’s stormed off. You don’t even realize you’re crying until a hot, salty teardrop falls on your lips.

Your feet regain control of themselves, and they seem to move of their own accord as they guide you right in front of Sunghoon’s dorm room. You’re barely conscious as your knuckles rasp against the door, and the tears that had fallen back behind your eyes spill out once more as soon as your eyes meet his. He’s just come out of the shower, a white towel wrapped around his hips, another one that he uses to dry his hair. His movements stop when he realizes who’s standing at his door, mouth falling slightly agape, chest visibly rising and falling. He’s so beautiful, you feel your heart breaking all over again.

Sobs pour uncharacteristically out of you, so much so that you have to hide your face behind your eyes. He ushers you in, holds you tight as everything flows out, the stress, the resentment, the loneliness, the longing. How could he be so close yet so far away this whole time? Did he want those miles of distance between you, or had you forced them upon him?

Sunghoon smoothes your hair down and shushes you, telling you it’s okay and that he’s here, voice strangled as if he’s on the verge of crying, too. A part of you still feels angry towards him, but the bigger part of you knows only he can give you the comfort you need.

“I missed you,” you say when you’ve calmed down partly. You only realize how true those words are once you’ve spoken them. You’ve missed waking up next to him, watching trashy reality TV together, taking coffee breaks that lasted too long in-between study sessions. You’ve missed the scent of his hair, the scent of his skin, you’ve missed watching the way his back muscles shift at the slightest of movements, feeling the weight of his head as he lay on your chest. All for a bunch of As you would’ve gotten without exerting yourself so much anyway.

“I missed you too, baby. Where did you go?” Just like that, you break down again, and he dissolves into apologies. “You’re here now, it’s all that matters,” he whispers against your hair.

“You didn’t see them, Hoon. You didn’t see the way they looked at me,” you say, struggling to speak, unsure you’re even making any sense but unable to stop. “I got As in everything, I worked so hard. Just one B, one week where I had four things due at the same time. Their faces, Hoon, like they were thinking, what was the point of letting me do this degree if I wasn’t even going to excel in it?”

“But you do excel in it, Y/N. You’re amazing at what you do. And even if you weren’t, you love it, and that’s what matters the most.”

“Not to them, it doesn’t.”

“Then forget them.”

“I can’t, Hoon,” you say, voice trembling. “I just can’t. I need them to be proud of me.”

“Isn’t it enough to be proud of yourself?”

“I wish it was.”

“Does it help if I tell you how proud I am of you and of how hard you’ve worked?”

He doesn’t see it, your face is still hidden in the crook of his shoulder, but a small smile makes its way to your lips. “A bit.”

“Then I’ll tell you everyday until you don’t need their approval anymore. They don’t deserve you, Y/N. They don’t even see what an amazing, beautiful, smart daughter they have. Or her sort-of-okay brother.” You laugh, and so does he. Sunghoon’s words and soothing touch against your back already alleviate the weight on your heart. “But I see it.”

You lift your head to look at Sunghoon. His eyes are glassy. “You see how amazing, beautiful and smart Jake is?”

He laughs again as he tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah, exactly.” The way he looks at you makes you wish you could go back to the day you met him and right all of your wrongs. No more hiding or running away. You only want to stay under that gaze of his. But sadness soon replaces the joy in his eyes. “You mean so much more to me than you give yourself credit for, Y/N. This has never been just about sex for me. Not even for a second.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Then what has it been about?” 

He frowns like a student in an advanced math class who’s just been asked what three plus three is—isn’t it obvious?

“I love you.”

Your eyes dart between his as if searching for any trace of deceit there. Of course, you don’t find any—because there hasn’t been any since the start. You’d let your own fears invent things that weren’t there. Your lips tremble and you find yourself bawling on his shoulder once more, your tears like a well that digs deeper and deeper so as to never run out of water.

“I hope these are good tears,” Sunghoon says light-heartedly, but you can detect the nervousness behind his words. You nod your head vigorously, willing yourself to say something back, but your tears overflow, make your breath hitch.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” you manage in between sobs.

“I didn’t think it was the kind of thing you wanted to hear,” he explains.

“I was waiting for you to say something.”

“I didn’t know. I thought I was being obvious enough.”

“You probably were. I was the one who couldn’t see it,” you admit.

“I thought you didn’t want me like that.”

“I thought you didn’t want me like that.”

Sunghoon chuckles, a sound of relief. “I’ve wanted you like that since the start.”

“I think I have too.”

“You think?”

You lift your head again and when your eyes meet Sunghoon’s, it feels like coming out of your hiding place hours after the round of hide-and-seek was over. He hadn’t forgotten to come and find you. He was waiting for you to reveal yourself.

Which goes against the rules of hide-and-seek, but you don’t blame him.

You smile; he smiles, deep dimples carving crescents into his cheeks. “I love you, too.”

You hadn’t realized how cold your hands were until Sunghoon found them.

--

Everything after that was a blurry mess of tangled limbs, warm kisses, happy tears and relieved laughter.

Your touch had always been intoxicating, but Sunghoon was particularly sensitive to it that night. The mix of not having felt you close in weeks and the heightened emotions driven by your confessions made his skin tingle everywhere it came in contact with yours. He’d never slept so little without regretting it in the morning.

It goes without saying that most of the night was not spent talking, but you still had things you needed to discuss. The two of you laid out all of your fears, and Sunghoon was immensely relieved to finally get a glimpse into that mind of yours. He made you promise to always tell him what was going on, and he promised you you’d never be too much for him. Always just right.

Now, he gets to wait outside of your exam hall with your favorite flowers in hand, to put his arm around your shoulders during movie nights instead of holding your hand beneath the blanket, to kiss you over the barrier at the end of a hockey game he won. Heeseung’s narrowed eyes at the sight of the two of you is an added bonus.

You text him that you’ll hang around the locker rooms after the game so that you can head to the party together. The end of December is nearing and you can’t wait for the new year, for twelve whole months of not hiding your feelings for Sunghoon from anyone, not even from yourself, least of all from him. At least, that’s what you told him in a sappy, drunken voice message at two a.m. the previous night when the girls made you drink a bottle of prosecco to yourself—their way of congratulating you for an arduous but successful exam period.

He steps out of the locker rooms with Jake and Jay. You’ve never looked quite as pretty, face lighting up as you spot the three of them, his jersey on your shoulders. You’d worn it during your last exam—“I thought it might bring me luck to wear a pretty boy’s name on my back,” you’d told him, to which he’d replied that it was good practice for when you actually took his last name. You’d looked away, fighting a smile.

Now your smile is full-blown as you look at him, but the downside of being an official couple is that Jake has now more material to tease the both of you with.

“Oh my God, you waited for me, what a sweet sister I have been blessed with!” he exclaims, arms outstretched as he barrels towards you.

“Fuck off, Sim,” you say but accept his hug nonetheless. “Nice game.”

“I know.” He pulls away and ruffles your hair. Jay nods at you like you’re someone he shared a class with back in second year and not his friend of almost three years.

As if on cue, just as Sunghoon reaches you and envelops you in a hug, Jake turns around and yells loud enough for all the players spilling out of the locker rooms, “And don’t forget to wear protection! I’m not ready to be an uncle yet.”

“That’s disgusting, Jakey,” you yell back, and he smiles proudly. Sunghoon had never thought the day would come where you’d initiate a kiss in a room full of people—he’s on cloud nine when you take his head in your hands and press your lips to his, murmuring praises about how well he played.

“It was all for you, baby,” he says, trying to appear cool even though a blush is creeping up his ears. 

“Not for the recruiter of the national team?” you asked with a smirk.

He smiles, shrugging. “Maybe a bit for him too. You’re the one I want to impress.”

“Consider me impressed.” You stand on your tiptoes to kiss him a second time.

You head towards your friends, hands warm against each other.

--

In classic mysterious Jay fashion, he organizes a New Year’s Eve party that he can’t attend himself.

He’s on holiday in some exotic country halfway across the world with his family, but he’s offered up their house for a celebration and tasked Jake with making sure no one trashes anything.

The party started three hours ago, and you’re sure it’s in full swing by now—you’re sure everyone is having a jolly old time, getting drunk enough to welcome the new year with a hangover, searching the crowds of people for the person they’ll want to kiss at midnight. You’re sure that people are having so much fun that whoever notices your and Sunghoon’s absence might think you’re missing out.

And maybe you are—but there’s nowhere you’d rather be than where you are now, straddling your boyfriend’s lap in the backseat of his car. He’s a little bit tipsy, you’re a little bit tipsy, it’s obvious in the way you kiss each other, messy, impatient, interspersed with giggles and with perhaps too much tongue. Your hands are not much more polite, harshly grabbing at his hair just the way you know he likes it, and neither are his, having snuck their way underneath your black satin dress long ago already.

When Sunghoon pulled you away from the party, you’d appropriately exclaimed, “But the party?”, to which he replied, “Fuck the party.” It wasn’t like him to curse, or to have anything but a bashful smile on his lips, like a guilty dog who’d been caught doing something it knew it shouldn’t, even though he was just standing there, so when you see his stoney expression, you think something serious must’ve happened.

The something serious turned out to be “that guy who was touching your shoulder.”

Clearly, it’d take Sunghoon a little bit more time to be entirely secure in your relationship. In the meantime, you didn’t mind letting him fuck his jealousy away.

Although he’d been the one to whisk you away, you’re the one who finds yourself begging for him to speed things up. Your flimsy thong does absolutely nothing, so you’re basically grinding yourself bare against his clothed erection—and it’s not like the fabric of his suit trousers is very thick, either. A girl can only put up with so much dry humping before having her boyfriend’s dick inside of her goes from being a want to a need.

“Need you, Hoon,” you coo against the shell of his ear. A few words usually do the trick, but Sunghoon has other plans tonight.

“What do you need, baby?”

“You.”

“I’m right here,” he says, punctuating his words with a squeeze of your ass.

“You know what I mean,” you say, practically whining.

“I’m not sure I do, actually.”

You pull away and, looking at him directly, say, “God, Sunghoon. I want you to fuck me.” His shit-eating grin simultaneously makes you roll your eyes and goes straight to your core.

“That I can do.”

He keeps one hand on your ass as he loosens his tie first, then undoes his belt and trouser buttons. His slacks and underwear pool around his ankles, and all he needs to do is hike your dress up around your hips and push your thong to the side. You wrap a hand around his dick, but your mind is too hazy to do much with it—he’s started rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb, the pressure and speed as perfect as it always is. You let your forehead fall against his shoulders and moan unabashedly, thankful he decided to park the car far enough away from the house.

“You like it when I touch you like this, baby?”

“I love it, Hoon.”

He hums his approval. “You’re so perfect. So perfect and so wet for me, isn’t that right?”

You start to say “yes,” but you interrupt yourself with a gasp. You hold onto Sunghoon’s arm, feel his muscles move under your palm as he slips two fingers inside of you without warning. “Please,” you choke out, a tight knot already forming in your stomach.

“Please what?”

“Need you. Need your dick, baby.”

He smiles as if endeared, but his words couldn’t be more different. “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before going off with some random guy the one minute I was somewhere else.”

“He’s just-fuck, Hoon, he’s just a mutual friend of Jay and I. Fuck, right there, baby.” Forming coherent sentences when Sunghoon’s fingers flick against that perfect spot deep inside you again and again is no easy task, but you need to defend yourself.

“Right there?” he echoes, voice a whisper against your ear. When you nod, eyes shut tight, he slips his fingers out. You look at him, betrayed. “That’s too bad. Why don’t you ask him to touch you right there, hm?”

You don’t know how much of his jealousy is put-on to get you to beg and how much of it is real. You make a mental note to have a conversation with him about this later—right now, you don’t mind playing along if it means your boyfriend will deign to fuck you. You know he wants to, he’s just making you work harder.

You move your hand up and down along his dick, brush his reddening tip with your palm every now and then. “He couldn’t touch me like you, Hoon.” You lean in and trail kisses along his neck, his jawline, his ears. “Can’t fuck me like you, either.”

With exams, hockey matches and any other responsibilities out of the way for winter break, the two of you had had an obscene amount of sex in the past couple of weeks. You’d done other things, of course, namely having much-needed conversations with each other, your friends, your families. Sunghoon’s mother was overjoyed at the news, glad her “duckling had finally met someone” — her words — and his sister kept stealing his phone from him to talk to you when you were on FaceTime. You and Jake had gone home for two days for Christmas, and although Jake had needed to pep talk you into it for over an hour, you managed to tell them that you wouldn’t stand for being belittled for your life choices anymore.

But in-between these conversations, you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. You’ve grown more comfortable with each passing day, both of you bolder in vocalizing what you want and how you feel. And so, you quickly found out that your Sunghoon, your shy, sweet Sunghoon, got off like nothing else on salacious words. In line with his possessiveness, he loved hearing about how he and only he could do these things to you; in line with your need for validation, you could practically come from hearing his praises alone.

“That’s right, baby.” Like the gentleman he is, he fishes out the condom wrapper he had gotten ready from his trouser pocket, tears it open with his mouth and rolls the condom on with one hand, his other one still preoccupied with you. “Come here, my love,” he whispers, his sweet tone worlds away from his previous teasing, almost cocky one. He grabs your hips, guides you closer to him and lines your entrance with the tip of his dick. He lets you go at your own pace, rubs your thighs soothingly as you sink down onto him slowly and adjust to his size. You throw your head back, mind hazy with pleasure as you move your hips back-and-forth against him.

“You feel so good, baby. You’re doing so well for me.” His words make you pick up your pace, and you wrap your arms around his neck, fingers grabbing at his hair and sides of your faces pressed against each other as you start lifting your hips and sinking back down. Sunghoon’s hands hold your ass tightly, guiding you up and down. It’s hot in the car; sweat runs down your hairline and your back, air is running low, the windows are fogging up, but it only adds to the dizzying bliss growing in you. Even the seatbelt receiver digging into your knee doesn’t bother you.

“Feels so good, Hoon,” you moan.

“I know, baby.”

Your hours of studying everyday means your thighs aren’t the strongest—good thing for you that your boyfriend has enough stamina and strength for the both of you. As soon as he feels you tiring, your rhythm becoming slower and more irregular, he picks up your slack. One hand on your back, one arm around your waist, he presses you close to him, his hold on you so tight you can barely move. He bucks his hips harshly into yours, faster and faster, making you cry out with every brush of his tip against that spot deep inside of you. Your whole body shakes with pleasure as your moans grow higher and louder, until the tension in your stomach hits its apex and unravels. A gasp leaves your throat as you come around him, but he’s unrelenting, the overstimulation quickly making tears form in your eyes. Strings of curses and praises of how perfect you are spill out of Sunghoon’s mouth disorderly as he reaches his own end.

Together, you take your time catching your breath, his fingers roaming your back while you trail soft kisses all over his face and neck. “My pretty baby,” he whispers, and it makes your heart swell with so much affection for him that you press your lips to his, shutting him up in case he says something that actually has you exploding.

You wish you could spend some more time just the two of you before returning to the party, but when you check your phone, it’s already five minutes to midnight—he puts his clothes back on as you fix your hair in a rush, Sunghoon helping you wipe away traces of mascara under your eyes, and together, run back to the living room where everyone has gathered. You find Minjeong, Yunjin, Chaewon and Jake, who has Jay on FaceTime. It’s only five p.m. where he is.

Everyone counts down from ten together. The first thing you do in the new year is kiss Park Sunghoon—and you’ll make sure it’s the last thing you do, too.

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[jjunieworld]

TAKE IT SLOW ˒˒ 휴닝카이

you just looked so pretty in your sheer lacy nightgown and tiny lacy panties, how could you not expect kai to want to have you all for himself? even if it means waking you to get what he wants.

pairing ‎⸝⸝⸝ huening kai x fem!reader 𓄵 iηcℓudᥱs 𓈓 none!

genre﹙📄﹚⸝⸝⸝ pure smut, established relationship

warnings ‎⸝⸝⸝ unprotected sex, soft dom!kai, daddy kink, creampie, a ridiculous amount of cum, big dick!kai, overstimulation, slight somnophilia, dacryphilia, masturbation (m. rec), petnames (baby, angel, good girl), dumbification, breeding kink, praise

kipo’s note ‎⸝⸝⸝ happy birthday kai my love!!! ♡ ♡ literally wrote this the other day while super drunk in one sitting lmao, so i hope you all like it! ventured a bit into my maybes category hehe (⁎˃ᆺ˂) all feedback and reblogs are welcome! ♡

∿ [ 1.6k ] ⋆ [ continue on to . . . masterlist ]

kai couldn’t take it anymore.

he couldn’t take your perfectly sleeping body, soundly dreaming next to him as he furiously stroked his hard cock in his hand. it wasn’t enough. the more he looked over at you, the more he wanted to wake you so he could plant you right on top of his cock and fuck you till he didn’t have anymore strength.

you looked so pretty—pastel colored lacy nightgown riding up your body and showing just a sliver of the matching colored lacy panties covering the curve of your ass and pussy. it drove him absolutely insane and he couldn’t help but tighten his hold on his already leaking cock, moving his hand impossibly faster as soft moans left his lips.

you turned in your sleep, the nightgown riding up further so that your matching panties were completely exposed. you now faced him, soft and plump tits pushed up against your chest and spilling out of the sheer nightgown as you sighed softly in your sleep. you tucked you hand under your chin to get comfortable.

“shit,” kai swore under his breath. he was already sticky with cum, his two previous releases seemingly not enough for him. he needed more. he needed you—your soft skin against his as you slid yourself onto him. the bouncing of your tits as you moved your hips in rhythm with his and your moans and whimpers.

the visual made him moan louder and throw his head back against his pillow, sweaty body already spent but still needing more. more and more.

luckily for him, the noise made your eyes flutter open briefly, confusion taking hold of your features as the wet and lewd sounds of kai getting himself off filled your ears. kai glanced over at you, worry filling his feature briefly before you looked him in his eyes and all bets were off. pleasure overtook him and he thrusted his hips up in his hand, squeezing his cock harder at your stare.

“f-fuck… i’m sorry, baby. needed you so bad. couldn’t help myself,” he murmured through moans and whimpers.

you sat up on your elbow, examining how his upper thighs and lower stomach were already covered in an obscene amount of his cum and how hard his cock remained as he rapidly fucked himself. the tip red with need and leaking even more.

“let me help you,” you spoke, voice heavy with sleep.

you moved to straddle him, pulling the nightgown up your plush thighs in the process as you pulled your lacy panties to the side. slowly, you slid down on his thick length, a soft whine falling from your lips as your brows furrowed and your eyes squeezed shut. kai grabbed your hips tightly, moaning at just how fucking tight you were, his head digging further into his pillow as he tried to even his labored breathing.

when you started to rock your hips towards him he swears he saw stars. “just like that—fuck. fuck, don’t stop, baby.”

kai needed to see more of you. this thin and sheer nightgown wasn’t enough for him. he grabbed the edge of it and pulled it up and over your head, letting him see your pretty and bouncing tits, perky nipples reacting to the sudden change in temperature. kai grabbed them, massaging the flesh between his hands as he thrusted his hips up into yours for more friction.

you looked down at him, your thumb playing with your plump lips in an attempt to mask your moans. it turned him on even more. he could’ve came again right there when instead of rocking your hips you started to bounce on his cock, pretty tits bouncing even more. kai inhaled sharply, his hands falling to the curvature of your waist and trailing back down to your hips, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“can you cum inside?” you asked, wide, pleading doe eyes staring at him as you bounced. “please, daddy?”

kai thrusted up into you harder at your words. it wasn’t a rare occasion that you let him cum inside, you always talked about how good it felt and how much you loved it. it just took everything in kai to not fill you up completely with his cum—fucking you until the both of you were too tired to move an inch and the creamy white was dripping down your thighs and pooling underneath you.

“don’t worry, daddy will take good care of you, angel. i’ll take it slow.”

kai flipped you over so your back met the soft blanket of the bed beneath you. his wide frame hovered above you as he placed one of your legs on his shoulder and pushed the other one away and up your chest so he could get a good view of your wet and throbbing pussy.

“so pretty for me,” kai muttered, his thumb coming to rub your clit briefly, making you gasp loudly, before he reached for the pillow next to you. he told you to lift your hips so he could place the pillow under them and you obliged.

with the new angle, his long cock reached even deeper inside of you and it just about sent you over the edge as he rolled his hips into yours and made you squirm. “t-too big, daddy!” you cried, fat tears rolling down your round cheeks. “too much!”

kai shushed you softly and ignored the way your tears made his cock twitch and grow harder. “you can take it, baby. you’ve done it before, you’ll do it again.” with that he fucked deeper into your fluttering pussy, relishing in the way your cunt completely devoured him.

he really tried to take things slow, he really did. but his need to fuck you senseless and your pretty whines underneath him mad his hips snap against yours faster and faster until your were a crying and squirming mess underneath him. you cried and clawed at his arms at the overstimulation and then cried again at the waves of pleasure hitting your poor, spent body over and over again.

“that’s it, angel. you’re taking my cock so well. if you can handle a little more daddy will reward you. don’t you want to see what daddy has to offer?” kai asked. you nodded your head numbly, drool falling out the corners of your open mouth as your eyes rolling back in another one of kai’s thrusts. the tip of his cock hit so perfectly against your sweet spot and sent you spiraling over and over again.

“you know daddy likes girls who can use their words,” kai gently added, trying to not let his slight annoyance get the best of him despite his hips slamming into yours harder.

you swallowed thickly, voice breathy and higher pitched, “yes, d-daddy.”

“good girl,” kai praised.

kai threw his head back, feeling how your gummy walls clenched around him as he fucked into you. his head fell back down, watching the way his cock disappeared in and out of your puffy and wet folds. he had to hold your legs tightly just so you would stay still.

“daddy,” you moaned loudly as your back arched off the blanket. “gonna cum…” your sharp intakes of breath and your hands moving to clasp his made his cock twitch more. your eyes opened to look at him through knitted brows, tits pushed up to your chin and on full display.

kai bent down to place his lips on yours, kissing you passionately as he helped you reach your orgasm. you gasped against his lips and kai felt the way your pussy fluttered around him. he pulled back to look at the way your creamy cum left a white ring around the base of his cock as he moved to help you ride out your high.

loud, wet, and squelching sounds emitted from your bodies and kai could feel how close he was. he was so close to finally feeling that relief he’s been searching for for hours. kai swore under his breath again, “that’s my good girl—shit… perfect pussy just made for me. you want daddy to fill you up, hm? want me to pump you full of my cum?”

you nodded desperately, pulling kai’s body closer to yours. through sputtering whimpers you managed to say, “p-please, daddy. want you to fill me up. want you to pump me full of your babies—make you a daddy.”

your words sent him right over the edge. kai’s body fell against yours, heavy breaths falling from his mouth against your ear as his fucked you harder. kai sighed blissfully as he finally unleashed his thick load into you and painted your gummy walls a pretty white. lazily, he continued to thrust into you as he filled you up more and more until your mixed cum was leaking out around his hard cock and dripping down the curve of your thighs and ass.

kai exhaled deeply, lips trailing across your jaw until they finally found your lips. he kissed you gently, lips moving against yours lazily. he flipped you again so you were impaled right on his still-hard cock, more cum dripping out of you and onto kai’s lower body.

kai’s chest rose and fell heavily. looking up at you he asked, “can you handle more, angel? daddy promises he will take it slow this time. then i’ll give you your reward.”

you nodded once again. you knew that kai wasn’t going to go slow—not with the incessant need and desire in his eyes as he looked at you. your invitation of letting him cum inside you didn’t make it any better. if you knew him—which you did—you weren’t leaving this bed until the both of you were milked dry and sticky with cum.

“yes, daddy.”

∿ [ continue on to . . . masterlist , taglist , request ] all feedback and reblogs are welcome! ♡

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[jaykesgirly]

devoured p.js

Brat Tamer!Jay x Brat!reader

warnings: pure smut barely any plot mdni, reader is a brat, Jay is a brat tamer, oral (f. rec), fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, I think that’s it but if I missed anything lmk

synapsis: you tease Jay in front of your friends to see what happens, little do you know what you’re in store for

wc: 853

You were being a complete fucking tease at dinner. Hand on Jay’s thigh ALL NIGHT slowly bringing it higher just enough to barely be touching his crotch before pulling away like nothing happened.

The tipping point for him though– when you decided to inform him that you weren’t wearing anything under your dress. The moment you whisper that into his ear he has your hand in his wrist, pulling you up and out of your seat and announcing to your friends that you need to leave NOW. no explanation, he’s literally just pulling you to the car as fast as he can.

Once you get to the car he opens the passenger door for you and practically shoves you into the seat. He gets into the car and once he starts driving it’s dead silent. Jay is FUMING you pulled that in front of your friends but hey, you’re about to get the fucking of a lifetime so who cares? Not you!

As soon as you get home and are inside your shared apartment you’re a goner. You barely get one foot in the door before he has his hands on you, pushed against the entry door.

“You’re a fucking brat you know that? Pulling that shit while we’re trying to have a nice night with our friends? And I know you’re going to fucking enjoy anything I give you because you did it on purpose but oh baby, you’re not ready for what I’m about to do to you,” he practically writhes into your ear, anger very clear in his tone.

All you can do in response is moan and that is all it takes for Jay to pick you up and take you to your bedroom. He puts you down on the ground and just stares at you for a second.

“Strip. Now.” That is all he says and it doesn’t take you anytime at all before you're taking your dress off for him. As you promised, you weren’t wearing any panties nor were you wearing a bra under your dress. He audibly groans, a look of nothing but hunger in his eyes as he looks you up and down.

“Look at you, not so tough now are you?” Jay spits at you. He moves to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder, leaving a smack on your ass as he carries you over to the bed. As quick as he picked you up, Jay threw you on the bed, immediately climbing on top of you. He grabs the handcuffs left on your headboard and snaps them around your wrists, leaving you open for anything he is about to give you.

“Only good girls get to use their hands, so you’re going to sit back and take everything I give you until I think I’ve fucked the brat out of you,” all you can do it stare at him and whine, anticipating his next move. Before you can think any further, Jay grabs your hips and positions himself in front of your bare core. You let out a whine of anticipation, only getting a smirk in response before he licks a long stripe up your folds.

“So fucking wet for me huh, you better be ready for what you’re about to endure,” he dives back into your core, switching between sucking on your clit and tonguing your entrance. His actions have you mewling, head thrown back and your back arching off the mattress. You attempt to bring your hands to his hair, only to remember he has them restrained.

“Mmh Jay please,” is all you can get out, wanting to run your hands through his hair as he eats you out.

“What did I say? Only good girls get to touch me,” he bites back in his response, continuing his actions. His pace is relentless, pulling you closer to your release. As if on queue, he pushes two fingers into you, curling them up without warning. His fingers find that perfect spot inside you, and when then do you let out a loud moan in response, “right there Jay— oh my GOD.”

Jay keeps up his pace, ripping an orgasm out of you almost instantly. But he doesn’t stop here. He continues to suck on your clit while his fingers curl inside you at a delicious pace. It’s almost getting to be too much, attempting to push him away with your legs but he has a firm grip on you.

“Can’t take anymore? Too bad, you’re going to take as much as I give you for as long as I do. If you try to push me away again there will be more consequences.” That’s all Jay says before he dives back in. It’s not long before he’s ripping another orgasm out of you. You’re on the verge of tears, not out of pain, but out of the sheer overwhelming pleasure you’re receiving. Jay does not relent, only stopping after you come on his fingers three more times.

Once he finally pulls away, your body goes limp out of sheer exhaustion. However, your night was far from being over.

a/n : I had to stop myself there or else I would’ve actually gone insane writing the rest 😭

[changisworld]

Watersports with Seungmin

word count:2,022

18+, MDNI!! smut below the cut

©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.

Seventh part of my eight part masterlist of the extension of this & this headcanon of the members!!;3

Kinks & pleasures masterlist here main masterlist here

->SMUT WARNINGS: Piss(obviously), dom!seung??, subbish reader, so much praise, face sitting, mention of omorashi, hair pulling, tinyyy bit of manhandling, fingering(f rec), cum eating, piss digestion, reader is a bit shy, but comes out her shell:3, seungmin cums untouched hehe

->If this isn't your cup of tea, simply don't read, I know this is a more of a taboo kink compared to pretty much everything I've written so far but ever since I've came to the realisation I luv it,I just needed an excuse to write it heheh, remember & always research new kinks before trying to stay as safe as possible!

You & Seungmin have clicked extremely well since the minute you both met, emotionally, physically & also sexually, very sexually.

You both quickly come to the realisation that you're both very open to trying new things & you both also fall into your roles almost instantly, it now being obvious that he is the dom & calls the shots, you have always been a switch but you never complain at the dynamics, on the odd occasion you try switch roles, Minnie is quick to shut it down (but you'll switch the roles one day)

When Seungmin was sitting with you in your bed, his head on your chest as you twiddle your fingers through his hair, caressing his scalp as you're just scrolling on your phone.

"Y/nnnnnn, I wanna tell you something." he speaks nonchalantly, elongating his words as his own eyes still glued to his own phone, you simply hum a 'mhmm', not expecting what he is about to say at all, but that's mainly your own fault because you should know that he really has no filter around you & the chances of him saying something outlandish is extremely high.

Seungmin takes a small but still overdramatic sigh before continuing He asks, his voice trying to sound natural but you know him far too well by now to know he is a bit nervous to ask & even more nervous to hear your response, turning up the volume by one on his phone to try ease the small bit of tension.

You already kinda knew this question was gonna come up at some point, as his obsession with making you squirt at least once every time you orgasm & also the way he just loves the look on your face & the ay you react when he forces you to hold your bladder while he gives you yet another drink.

"We could try it, but it's a bit scary, what if I embarrass myself or you like, throw up or something." you half joke, turning off your phone & tapping his cheek, indicating for him to look up at you, but he moves himself to look at you as he hugs into you, scoffing at your words.

"Wayyy worse things have happened during sex, remember when I literally almost died from when you almost snapped my banjo when you were on top! I know I won't throw up so don't be silly! I'm dying to try, nothing you do would make me cringe, unless it's you biting ice cream in front of me." he chuckles before kissing your cheek & flashing you his gorgeous toothy smile, his pretty cheeks pressing so cutely against his features.

That's how you've ended up in the position you're now in. You're laying on your back on your bed, with two layers of towels covering the duvet, because you for some reason both think just two layers is enough to keep your sheets dry. You're laying naked, your room a nice, warm comfortable temperature as a random christmas smelling candle is burning as seungmin is nibbling on your tongue as he kisses you deeply, him also being naked, not including just his boxers that are uncomfortably tight around his already hardening cock.

"Are you still fully sure you wanna do this? We can still do something completely different or we can do what we usually do, I won't be upset." Seungmin asks, his voice soft as he parts his lips with yours & looks into your eyes, his hand caressing your lower tummy, right above your full bladder from the multiple glasses of water you've drank just for this moment.

"Wanna do it, I trust you" you smile at him as your fingers daintily touch over his faint abs. Seungmin smiles at you that little bit extra as he nods his head & kisses your nose before he rolls you both over so you've switched positions, Seungmin now on his back & he is quick to grab onto you to help you straddle him as he shuffles his head off the pillows so his head is on the towel too.

He wraps his arms beneath your armpits & pulls you down to lock lips with you again as his fingers push down on on your bladder, making you squirm as you tense up in his hold.

"want you to sit on my face, c'mere" he rasps, excitement in his voice. You would say no to absolutely anyone else if they were to ever ask you, but you shove all your nerves about potentially hurting him down your throat as you follow what he says, almost as if you're in some sort of spell.

You position yourself above his face, his eyes glistening up at you, darting from your face, to your tits, down to your leaking pussy, admiring each one for the billionth time.

"You look so pretty from here, letting me do this to you, thank you jagi" he mumbles in awe as he pulls you down onto his face & the verbal response that you were gonna give him dies in your throat as you let out a gasp, his tongue not wasting even a second before he's making quick work of parting your folds with his tongue, groaning at your taste.

"Fuck Minnie, tongue feels so good" you whimper as one hand rests on the headboard of the bed & your other hand finds it's way into his hair, it's usual spot & you tug on it lightly, giving him the slightly painful but pleasure he is now addicted to.

Seungmin hums at the taste of you, the taste genuinely being in probably the top five things on this earth. His nose nudges against your clit as his tongue decides to get a stronger & deeper taste, fucking it's way into your soaked hole you accidentally grind on his face before putting a quick stop to it, but he is having none of it as he grabs onto your ass to push & pull you back & forth against his face, making your eyes scrunch closed.

You throw your head back as Seungmin's lips suckle on your clit, slurping your wetness & also his own spit back into his mouth before spitting it back onto you, just to repeat the process & your mind is going numb, you can already feel your orgasm starting to bubble but you're forcing yourself to hold back.

You keep mumbling out small praises to the man sucking your soul out of your body, his tongue curling around your button & kitten licking it at a rapid pace. One of his hands move from your ass & lands it on your lower tummy before he starts pushing down on the skin, not too much but enough to make you quease at the feeling, making you try jolt away from the feeling, but he's quick to keep you in place.

"Seung, wanna cum" you whimper as you look down at him, his eyes already looking up at you in almost amazement, looking up at you if he is the cat that got the cream & in his mind, he has.

He lifts you off him just enough to finally speak, using the opportunity to also actually breathe since he's been too happy in between your thighs that he's forgot how to actually take a breath.

"Don't cum till you do what we agreed, maky? Want it so bad, let go for me" he pants, his lower face shiny with your arousal. While he says this, he enters two fingers into you, so you're still getting some sensation & to make sure your upcoming release doesn't completely disappear.

"Don't needa pee Minnie" you whimper, obviously lying as your hips thrusting to get more feeling from his fingers curling inside you, hitting just the spot & Seungmin pouts as he presses even harder down on you bladder & you squeak, clenching has hard as you can to not burst & he tuts.

"Don't lie, you're so good f'me all the time so don't stop now, wanna taste you as much as possible hunny" he purrs before pulling his fingers out of you & then pulling you back onto his face, getting back to massaging your cunt with his tongue as he then taps his two fingers at your lips & you open your mouth to suckle on them instinctively, but all the while, the urge to just completely relax & let go is getting more & more tempting.

Your legs begin to tense up & start to shake as he keeps pushing on you bladder as his tongue suctions onto your clit, his pretty pink lips wrapped around it & by the way your thighs are moving around his head, he knows you're close.

"G-gonna pee Min, wanna cum" you squeak finally swallowing the last part of the pride you have left & you stop clenching, letting all your muscles react & before you have even a second to stop yourself or have any second thoughts, you've let go & a golden stream escapes you, coating the man beneath you's face, your own thighs & also quickly making it's way through the layers of towels, no doubt soaking the sheets below, not that you could be paid to care anyway.

Seungmin moans at the sight & taste, the taste so completely raw & unfiltered in the best way possible as he pulls you just off his face & he slithers three fingers into you this time, bullying into your G-spot as the gush slows down, but your orgasm does anything but that, as you feel it catching up to you quicker than you think it ever has before.

"So good for me y/n, so beautiful, I can tell you're close, cmon" he purrs, looking up at your shaking frame as he is bashing his fingers against your gummy spot & his words just push you over the edge.

You were already clenching around his fingers before, but he is convinced you're gonna rip off his fingers with how hard you're clenching around him as you grip onto the headboard with both hands as you're breathing rapidly, letting out a squeal as you cream around his fingers.

Your orgasm seems to be lasting forever but who is Seungmin to complain? He came five minutes ago untouched so he is just honoured that you're cumming because of him.

Once you settle down & are actually able to open your eyes, Seungmin slowly removes his fingers from your gushing cunt & helps move you so you're laying on the only dry spot left on the bed, which just gets wet anyways as Seungmin moves around, your piss dripping down his pretty toned skin onto the bed.

"How was it? Be fully honest!" you ask, slightly nervous for his response, kinda terrified in case it was nothing like he wanted or expected it to be. "Better than I thought, thank you for letting me try it with you, trust me when I say I loved it, even came in my pants" he giggles & you look down & see a huge wet patch & you giggle back, blushing that you've had this effect on him.

"Let's get you & this room clean mkay? the room doesn't smell of christmas anymore" he teases as he helps get you in the shower before hopping in with you & helping you both clean each other.. after he strips the bedsheets.

->Anon list & tag list is open!

[fruitglazed]

WHAT KIND OF RECS

rough sex w matt pls im in heatttttttttttt

I hope this makes your pussy throb. ୨⍣୧

♡

♡

Turning off the water, you open the shower door, grabbing the towel you placed on the counter. Wrapping it over your body, you hear a ding. Checking your phone, it reads “See you at 6pm, pretty girl.” Confirmation text from Matt, your boyfriend of a few months. Followed by another ding, you glance down at your phone again. “Bro, I’m right next to you, no need to text me.” His brother Chris sent back. Chuckling to yourself, you dry both your hands off on the towel around your frame. “See you boys tonight. And Nick, what’re you wearing?” Pressing send, you smile to yourself. Our hebdomadal dinner was a go tonight. The four of you decided on a fancy Steakhouse. One of your favorites in particular. Expensive, but yummy. It was Matt’s turn to pay. You love to watch Matt get riled up whenever Chris would order almost the entire menu since he wasn’t in charge of the bill this time. Running out of the bathroom after finishing your hair and makeup, you head into your room browsing through your closet. With another ding from your phone- “White tank top and my corduroy striped pants. The purple ones.” Loving the message, you threw your phone on the bed. Time to get to work. Stripping each article of clothing you had from its place, you managed to decide on a simple satin dress. Eggshell shade, buttons on one side, starting from the hip, down to the slit of the dress. Not too short, just the perfect length. Thin spaghetti straps, hanging over your shoulders. The dress fit you in all the right places. To compliment Nick, you found a pair of open toed purple sandals. Adding on all your gold accessories, you look at the clock. 5:49pm. Dousing yourself with your favorite smell, you head back into your room and grab your phone. As you scroll through, you press Matt’s contact to give him a call. “Hey, baby. What’s up?” Matt says. “Just finished getting ready, I can’t wait to see you tonight. I’m wearing a pretty dress for you, I hope you’ll take it off of me later.” You breathe out. Almost moaning. You and Matt were like wild animals when it came to sex. Time and place didn’t matter. Matt’s breathing became louder as he spoke into the phone. “You don’t have to ask me twice. Should I just cancel dinner and come do it now?” Laughing you said you wouldn’t mind. Matt could fuck you any time he pleased, and you’d thank him. You weren’t shy when it came to him touching and fucking you. “I think we should role play tonight.” You suggested. This was one of your favorites to do with Matt. He thought it was fun, especially since you always got into character. “Sure, baby. That sounds like fun. We’re on our way to get you now.” Cheerfully, Matt had responded back. “See you soon, baby.” Blowing a kiss over the phone, you hung up.

Luckily the drive to your place from theirs, was only 2 minutes give or take. You locked up the house and walked to the end of the driveway. Pulling up, you see Matt in the drivers seat, and Chris in the passenger seat. Chris hops out of the door to offer you the front, but you decline and slip into the backseat next to Nick. “Hi boys! Are we ready for dinner this evening?” You exclaim. “Oh yes girl. Chris has been pissing me off all day because he’s hungry. Literally at any point he could’ve gotten a snack and just shut the fuck up.” Nick huffed out, smacking his lips. “Nick, shut up. You know I don’t eat much when it’s not my tab I have to worry about.” Chris spoke, rubbing his hands together, with a menacing laugh, all the while he stares down Matt. Smiling to yourself, you know Matt’s going to punch Chris when he sees the bill. “Hi, Matt. Ready for dinner?” I say in his direction. He eyeballs me through the mirror, taking turns looking at the road, then me. “Mhm.” His throat vibrates out. Hm. He must be getting into character already. You shrug and spark up a conversation with Nick and Chris. Once arrived at the Steakhouse, you all shuffle in and pick your seats. Matt goes on the opposite side of the table, across from Nick. Pulling the chair out from the table for you, expecting you to sit next to him, and Chris to sit with Nick, you decline again. You plop down right next to Chris, taking Nick’s usual spot. Furrowing his eyebrows, Matt stops and stares at you. With a blank look on his face, not taking his eyes off you, “Nick, sit next to me.” Leaves Matt’s lips. Nick puts his hands up and nods, sitting down next to him. Matt takes his seat still with his eyes locked on you. Staring back, not intimidated by him, you smile and make sure everyone has a menu. “Okay…” Chris says, breaking the tension between the Matt and I. “Yeah, what’s the deal?” Nick pipes in. “Nothing! I’m totally cool. I’m excited for tonight, I’m hungry and I’m with my best friends. Besides, it’s all on Matt, tonight.” A smirk creeping onto your lips. Nick and Chris giggle, while Matt is still monotone. Just before anyone can say anything else, a waitress stops by to take the tables order. “Hi there, welcome in! what can I get started for drinks for you all?” She says, pulling out her pen and notepad. “I’ll take an ice water with lemon. Thanks sweetheart.” Matt says smiling, looking from her straight to you, but dropping the smile. “Uh, yeah. We’ll do 3 more of those. Thanks!” Nick quickly says, hurriedly getting the waitress away from the table. You look at Matt, biting your lip almost laughing in disbelief. Looking back at your menu, skimming all the possibilities, the waitress appears with the lemon water and some bread and butter. As she’s setting them down on the table, she takes her hand and caresses Matt’s shoulder. Watching his every move from behind your menu, you roll your eyes. “Thanks again, sweetheart.” Matt repeats, this time with more of a flirtatious tone. Two can play at this game. Ignoring them and rescanning the menu, Chris leans over next to you- “Oh, by the way, you look very pretty tonight. You clean up nice, kid.” He says, innocently. You look up from your menu and glance at Matt, then turning to Chris. “Aww thanks Chris. That’s so sweet of you. I must say you’re looking rather handsome yourself.” You wink at him, bringing your hand up to his face just underneath his chin, giving his cheeks a little squeeze. You blow a kiss at him, then bring your eyes back to Matt. Anything goes when you role play. You can tell he’s seething in his chair. Trying not to make it obvious that it clearly had an effect on him. “I’ll be right back you guys, I’m going to the bathroom.” You excuse yourself and head to the ladies room. Once you find the bathrooms, you head in. Looking in the mirror, thinking to yourself this is not how tonight is supposed to go. In an instant the bathroom door flies open. Matt enters, locking the door behind him. “What the fuck was that?” He says harshly. Almost anything goes when you role play.

Playing dumb, you respond. “What was what, sweetheart?” Matt is two inches from your face. “You know what.” Sternly and not holding back, he gets even closer. “I pick you up, and you get in the back? We get here, you don’t sit next to me? Now you’re out there getting cute with Chris?” His chest is now touching yours. Not saying a word, you just look up at him. “He might look like me, but he can’t fuck like me.” Matt says brazenly. Your cheeks burn. Your core is on fire. Staring into his eyes, his pupils widen, getting darker by the second. Trying to slow your breathing down, you shrug. “Turn around. Now.” Matt flips you around, both of you looking at yourselves in the mirror. His dick outlined through his pants, grazing your ass. You softly moan to yourself. “Don’t make a sound unless I fucking tell you to.” Matt replies. Pressing his hand on your back, he pushes your chest to the cold counter. Matt brings his hands up your thighs to the buttons on your dress. In a motion he tears at your dress, buttons flying everywhere. All you can do is stare at him. “Good girl.” He breathes out. Pulling up your dress to the small of your back, exposing your ass and glistening pussy. “No panties? And you’re already soaked? I haven’t even touched you. You’re such a slut for me.” Dropping to his knees, he’s face first with your core. He drags his thumb up and down your cunt. Standing back up behind you, he shoves his finger in his mouth, licking it clean. Unbuckling his pants with one hand, they fall to the floor. Without warning, he shoves his cock deep inside you with no time to adjust. “Matt!” You yell out, forgetting what he just said. “Shut the fuck up.” He grits through his teeth. Matt takes his hands and wraps them around your throat, slightly squeezing each time you make a noise. Holding onto the sink, you could feel his rage with each stroke. Tears forming in the corner of your eyes from the pain, yet pleasure he’s enduring on your tight little pussy. “Don’t you ever think about sitting next to anyone else but me. Don’t ever touch anyone else but me. Next time, I’ll fuck you in front of them. Show them what’s mine.” The sound of moans and his hips slapping against your ass is definitely loud enough to hear from outside the bathroom. “Who fucks you like this, huh? Whose pussy is this.” Matt grabs ahold of your face, lining it up with the mirror. Watching him use you, sliding his cock in and out, making you take him deeper and deeper with every breath he breathes. Looking him in the eyes, you whisper out through tears “It’s yours, Matthew. This is your pussy.” A moan leaves your lips. Eyes rolling in the back of your head. Speeding up his thrusts, he’s hate fucking you, you can barely form a sentence. “Matt, I can’t take it-“ Throwing your head back. Matt grabs your hips, guiding your body with his slams into you. Clenching his member with your walls, you wish he could be buried in you forever. Your wetness leaking down your legs, hoping that he will lick it up afterwards. “Gonna fuck my load right into that cunt of yours. You’re gonna take every last drop.” His voice was dark. His thrusts began to slow, but he was still in control. Pumping in and out of you once more, he came in an instant. Matt pulled out and immediately crouched down, staring at your sweetly filled pussy. Watching his cum drizzle out of you, he took two of his fingers and stuffed it right back inside, swirling it around. Once he was satisfied, he brought his fingers up to your lips and shoved them in. Observing you suck the conjoined juices off his fingers, made him ready to fuck you again. Matt placed a sweet kiss on your lips and fixed your dress. Buckling his pants and running his hand through his hair, he grabbed your hand. “Let’s go baby, we have a dinner to ever back to.” He smiled back at you. Almost like he didn’t just fuck you senseless in your favorite Steakhouse’s bathroom. Walking out hand in hand from the women’s restroom, you get back to the table.

“Nick, do you mind if I trade seats with you?” You say, still holding onto Matt’s hand. Nick stands up and lets you sit, scooting the chair in for you. Chris and Nick both look at you and Matt, and then back at each other, laughing. “What?” Matt scoffs. “Oh nothing, just wondering if you love birds squashed the beef you had, or if you needed to go back to the bathroom for round 2?” Chris cackled. “Oh my god, you heard that?” You gasped. I mean you knew, but you didn’t want to believe it. “Oh sweetheart, everyone heard it.” Nick added. Rolling your eyes while giggling to yourself, Matt leans over to you. “I’ll be ready for round two when we get home.”

♡

hiiiiiii…,,,,,,,, so I feel like I got sloppy at the end. >:-( ! anyways hope this was good enough 4 u anon <3 thank u 4 requesting this. Let me know anything yall want me to make come to LIFE! Mwah 💋

[coffeeghoulie]

Hiiii!! I love all of your fics, especially the way you write Swiss 😌😌😌

If you want to, could I ask for some fluffy Swiss content, just literally anything where he gets some kind of comfort lols!

Hell yeah, fluffy Swiss content. This does have a little bit of my personal lore for him that he doesn't go by Swiss until most of the way through his first tour, but that gets resolved fairly quickly.

About 1.4k of Aether and Mountain putting together Swiss's first summoning day present.

divider by @ghuleh-recs <3

The new multi-ghoul isn't as slick as he thinks he is, Aether notes. He sees the way his eyes trail when they pass by the jewelry stores on the off days spent exploring. How he locks on longingly at the delicate gold earrings and cuffs, shakes his head and moves on.

Aether pulls Mountain aside halfway through the tour, the Cardinal discussing something animatedly with the multi-ghoul.

"Do you see it, Mount?" Aether says, voice not quite a whisper. Mountain hums as he glances up from his book, shifting in his seat next to him. "Multi keeps looking like he wants them, but he never gets any."

"Right. He's not adorned, though I've seen he has the piercings for it," the earth ghoul says. He nudges one of his antlers against Aether's pronged horn. "I mean, Frit's pierced six ways to Sunday and he wears a couple rings in his braid. And if he came through a fire portal and survived, Multi might be the same way. Might be a fire ghoul thing."

"Wonder what happened to his jewelry, then," Aether says, not glancing up. From where he's talking to the Cardinal, he looks back at the two of them, gold eyes glinting. "He'd look good in it. Gold would be a good color on him."

Mountain agrees with a low hum. "I will keep it in mind. You want me to get the others involved?"

"Ooh, good idea. Keep it on the down low, though. I don't know how Multi'll react if we just. Spring this on him, you know?"

"Absolutely," Mountain agrees, turning a page with a rustle.

They spread the message to the others, Cirrus and Cumulus turning to each other with delighted grins, Rain and Dew nodding at each other, determined. It's slow going as to not arouse suspicion, but one by one, each ghoul slips aside to buy jewelry, various charms and rings, all in gold.

During that time, the multi-ghoul comes to the rest of the pack, a little skittish and completely out of character. "Figured it out," he breathes, scuffing his spat-covered shoe against the carpet of a green room in some venue. "I heard some of the humans calling me something and I want it to be mine. My name's Swiss."

Aether grins, grabs his shoulder kindly. "It's very nice to meet you, Swiss. Welcome to the pack again."

Swiss smiles, that blinding thing that has the full force of the sun behind it. The tour gets easier, now that he's coming into himself, exponentially more confident Up Top. But he still stares longingly when he thinks the rest of the ghouls aren't looking. Aether and Mountain share a knowing glance, knocking their shoulders together.

The tour ends a few days from the first anniversary of Swiss's summoning. Aether slips into each ghoul's room, cautiously collecting each offering. But even with his caution, the Cardinal pulls him aside.

"I hear you are collecting jewelry, eh?" Copia says, mismatched eyes scanning over Aether's face.

"Yes, Cardinal," Aether says, brow furrowing slightly. "For Swiss."

Copia nods and reaches into a pocket he didn't notice in his cassock. When he pulls his hand out, there's the glint of gold in the palm of his leather gloved-hand. "I would like to add to your collection. My own sort of welcome, si?"

Aether swallows, smiling. "Thank you, Cardinal."

"Ah, don't mention it," he grins, a little sheepishly. "Cannot have him think I am leaving him out, no?"

"Never," Aether says, reaching out to accept the earrings from him. As he gets a better look, his breath hitches at the sight of two delicately wrought gold grucifixes on French hooks, a tiny, sparkling ruby in the center of each inverted cross. "Cardinal. Thank you."

Aether makes sure he catches Swiss alone on his summoning day after dinner. Mountain's made a cake, and Dew had lit the candle in the center. The flame had glinted in his eyes, reflecting the glee there as he glanced throughout the pack, grinning.

Aether takes Swiss by the bicep as he heads out of the kitchen, Rain shooing him away from the dishes. He's gentle, knowing that Swiss is still a little bit jumpy and prone to snapping. But as it stands, Swiss just turns to face him with a question in his expression.

"We have something for you, Swiss," he says, voice low and even as he leads the multi ghoul to the common room. "The entire pack's been working on this for months, but don't feel that you have to accept it, okay?"

Swiss makes a questioning noise in the back of his throat as he lets himself be led by the bigger ghoul. Aether sits them both on one of the loveseats, opening the drawer on the end table and pulling out a package wrapped in tissue paper. He hands it to Swiss.

"For me?"

"Yes," Aether says. "We all pitched in for a summoning day gift."

Swiss takes a deep breath, trying to subtly rub his eye before he starts to unwrap it. The gold glints in his lap, and he covers his mouth with a big hand as he takes it in. "You- you got me-?" He can't finish his sentence.

Aether carefully sets his hand between Swiss's shoulderblades. "We noticed your piercings, and how you didn't wear any jewelry in them. The fire ghoul who used to be in our pack, Ifrit, wore a lot in the Prince's name. And since we know you came through a fire portal, we thought you might like some adornment."

"I- I'm not-" Swiss looks up, and Aether feels a horrified pit sink into his stomach at the distraught look on his face. His gold eyes are wet and red-rimmed. "I haven't- I haven't worn adornment for Him in- since my-" He cuts himself off, and Aether knows better than to push.

"You don't have to for our sake, though," Aether assures.

"No!" Swiss says, a little louder than he must mean, because he shrinks back a little bit. "I mean. I want to. Makes me a part of the pack officially. And if I'm serving Him, I may as well look it."

Aether smiles kindly, hand rubbing a small circle over his spine. "May I?" Aether asks, reaching for the pile of jewelry in his lap. Swiss nods and passes it over before sliding off of the loveseat. He sits himself between Aether's spread thighs.

He winds a cuff decorated like sprawling leaves and vines around one of his locs, threads a golden cloud charm through the end of another. A pair of studs shaped like suns go through a set of piercings in his cartilage, and the teardrop shaped ones go through the holes next to them. Aether shows him each piece, letting him decide if and where he wants it. Slowly, Aether adorns him with every piece of jewelry the pack had squirreled away, hoops and studs and dangling charms in elemental symbols and sigils, all glinting gold against his warm gray skin and dark hair.

All that's left are the grucifixes, and Aether gently shows them to Swiss, the inset rubies glinting in the warm lamplight. There's a long silence, and Aether worries that he might have offended him in some way.

"Yes," Swiss breathes. He tenses a moment before craning his neck to look up at Aether over his shoulder. "Actually, will you let me put them in?"

"Of course." He carefully puts the earrings into Swiss's palm. Aether pretends he can't hear as Swiss starts to whisper to himself as he threads each earring into the lowest piercing on each lobe. Tone quiet, reverent. His own soft prayer to the Prince Below.

It takes a moment, but Swiss eventually takes a deep breath and looks up. "Show me what it looks like?" he asks hopefully.

Aether stands and pulls Swiss to his feet. The two of them head to one of their bathrooms, and Swiss grins in the mirror over the sink. Aether's only known him for a year, and this is the first time he's seen him wearing jewelry, but he knows.

Aether smiles back at him. Swiss looks more like himself than he ever has.

[seung-mong]

the little things - jeongin

includes: bf! jeongin x fem! reader, fluffiest smut ever istg, childhood friends to lovers loss of virginity (f and m), slight perv! jeongin, oral (f rec.) fingering (f rec.), i had no idea how to end this (lowkey did not want to)

wc: 5412 :0

jeongin was always yours. for as long as you could remember, there was no one else but him. from playdates where you would hit him in the head with your toy shovel as he attempted to eat sand, to hitting him in the head with your notebook when he'd try to cheat off you in exams. it was simply the way that it was, an irrevocable truth that you would never want to challenge.

looking back, you could never imagine loving anyone but him. who else knew you so well? you literally grew up together, always just across the street and ready to listen to you ramble about your day (that you spent entirely with him.) so loving him was easy. natural.

the first time he kissed you in the ninth grade, underneath the white jasmine tree that you had run your bike into when you were eleven, 'that's when i knew i loved you.' he'd confessed, holding you so sweetly against the trunk as he pressed his lips against yours in a way that took your breath away.

your first Official Date when he had asked you to go fishing with him, a request so entirely bizarre you found yourself saying yes before you could even think. he had rowed you out to the middle of the lake and had sat there for hours, talking and laughing until the sun had started to paint the sky the same tint of pink that dusted the tops of his cheeks.

you walked home empty handed save for the bucket of chum that he had playfully threatened to spill all over you. and he kissed you again right outside your door, fingers digging into your waist as yours tangled into his hair. and you just wanted to kiss and kiss and kiss him until his lips were sore but your front door opened with a bang! and jeongin had ended up running for his life across the street, into the safety of his home where your father could not reach him.

then on your Seventeenth Birthday, he had planned your surprise party, inviting every single one of your friends and begging them not to mention anything to you, booked a DJ and contemplated a petting zoo (your mother begged him not to push through with that), and decorated your living room all by himself. you'd never felt so loved before, the muscles in your cheeks strained from how the smile had never left your face.

and then later in the evening when everyone had gone home and you'd opened all your presents, jeongin asked you to go on a walk with him so he could give you his. back to your jasmine tree, where he held you against the trunk and kissed you just like he did all those years ago, smile never leaving his lips as he fished a tiny pink box from his jacket leaning impossibly closer to you to reveal the necklace with a j dotted with a tiny heart and a whisper of "will you be my girlfriend? like officially?"

and you couldn't find the words, so emotionally overwhelmed that all you could do was start to tear up and. poor, poor jeongin who mistook your silence for hesitance stuttering a "i- i asked your parents, they said it's okay. i promise to take care of you always, y/n. cross my heart." and of course you had said yes, practically leaping into his open arms with a squeal, wrapping your own arms around his neck and kissing him silly. then he walked you home wrapped in his jacket, fingers laced tightly with yours, his initial sitting prettily on your neck.

two years later and he's still who you come home to, surprised to find that going to different colleges has not affected your relationship in the slightest. if anything, it makes you even more excited to drive home and find your boyfriend already waiting for you, sitting on your front steps like a poor puppy.

the sound of your car pulling into the driveway alerts him, head perking up at the sound and absolute bliss washing over his features when he sees you running over to him, dropping your bag right there on the grass and hurling yourself at him. he catches you, arms instinctively wrapping around your middle as he hugs you, an excited "baby!" spilling out from him as he buries his face in your hair, breathing deeply and taking your scent in.

"i missed you sooo much." you sigh, melting right there against his chest, and jeongin can't help but chuckle.

"yea? you just saw me this morning, pretty." he playfully nudges you with his shoulder when you pull away, immediately lacing his fingers with yours as he bends down to pick your bag up before he slings it over his shoulder.

"well yea, but! i didn't see you for over five hours." you whine, leading him up the front steps and fishing in your pocket for the keys to your house.

"and we can't have that, can we?" jeongin teases you, but you know he handles the separation much worse. you could bring up the fact that he literally waited outside of your house for you to come home instead of waiting at his place (right across the street btw).

"course not." you shrug, pushing open your front door to be greeted by a furry ball running towards you at full speed, jumping on you so his front paws land on your thighs. you push past your dog, greeting him with scratches behind his ears and somewhat aggressive head pats.

"oh, i missed you too ayennie. did you miss me? missed mommy huh?" you coo at your dog as jeongin scoffs, closing the door behind you and placing your bag on the couch.

"can't believe you named a dog after me." jeongin shakes his head down at you as you sit on the floor cross-legged, letting your furry friend lick your face as his tail shakes in excitement.

"you're the one who gave him to me?" you remind him, shooting him a nasty look for making fun of your dog.

"yea. didn't expect him to replace me in the hierarchy of your heart, though." jeongin sighs, sitting next to you and scratching ayen's butt.

"oh dont be silly," you coo at your boyfriend, "you're still number one. you're just sharing your spot with ayennie!" jeongin playfully rolls his eyes at you, but his cheeks turn pink anyway. "oh my two favorite boys." you coo lovingly, embracing ayen with one hand and pinching jeongin's cheek with the other.

but besides inheriting his father's name, ayen had also inherited jeongin's attitude, suddenly pushing himself away from you and trotting out of your reach before you could pull him back to you. you whine in protest, but your dog seems to have completely forgotten about you opting to violently chew on his favorite tennis ball.

"now that the beast is gone," jeongin stands up, stretching and ignoring your scoff, "how about you show your real favorite boy some attention, hm?" jeongin offers his hand to you, pulling you up and towards him so you're chest to chest.

"i really did miss you, baby." jeongin whispers against your lips before he finally kisses, you, one arm wrapped around your waist to hold you securely against him, other hand cupping your cheek so softly, cradling your face as if you were the most fragile thing he's ever held. you loved kissing jeongin, loved how soft his lips were against yours, loved how he always tasted so sweet, like candy, and the way he would gently lick at your lips had always left you feeling so dizzy.

he starts to walk you backwards, softly moaning into your mouth when your hands come up to tangle themselves into his hair, tugging slightly. he hisses when you pull, bringing a smile to your lips still pressed to his.

"my naughty girl." he tuts, shaking his head and dipping his head lower to nip at your neck. you hum in delight, feeling the back of your knees hit the sofa's armrest, squealing when jeongin gently pushes you backwards. you giggle when his weight falls on top of you, a smile on his lips when he settles so he's angled in between your legs, careful not to crush you with his full weight.

and then there was The Silence. the one that always made the air feel thick, your throat go dry and your pulse quicken to the point you'd feel like you'd faint. the one that always happened whenever he was on top of you like this, bodies pressed together and leaving no inch of skin untouched, especially when jeongin would run his hands up and down your sides.

"you okay, baby?' jeongin mumbled against your collarbone when he felt you tense up under him, hands frozen and gripping onto his hoodie while his fingers pushed the hem of your shirt upwards so he could feel your bare skin.

"mhm." you hummed back.

"need to hear you say it. say 'yes, innie. im okay." he looks down at you, fingers coming up to rest at your neck, playing with the little "j" around your neck.

because contrary to what all your friends (and probably your parents) think, you've never gone past second base with jeongin. it wasn't a matter of fear or waiting for the right person, but you were always so genuinely overwhelmed whenever things would get slightly heated, embarrassed at the thought of cumming too early, too quickly, of seeming too eager. so you took your time and of course jeongin was patient with you, whispering 'its okay baby. lets just cuddle' even when he was kneeling shirtless in between your legs.

"yes innie," you repeated, voice breathy from the way jeongin was looking down at you, deep brown eyes suddenly a little darker. "i'm okay."

"good. you know that's all i want right, baby? for you to be okay. to feel good and safe." jeongin reassures you, arm resting beside your head as his fingers brush away the strands of hair that covered your face.

"i know, baby." you sigh. and you did feel okay. you did feel safe. you wanted to feel good, wanted it so bad, but never knew how to say it. so you did what you always did: gently pushed at jeongin's abdomen. the reaction was instant. your boyfriend bent down for one more chaste kiss before sitting up between your legs. rubbing up and down your thighs affectionately before offering you his hand and pulling you to sit up so you were face to face. he'd never sigh, never even hinted at disappointment, no matter if you were both half naked or if you had your hand wrapped around his cock, no matter how painfully hard he was and deliciously wet you were, he'd stop.

"i love you." jeongin whispers, kissing the tip of your nose.

"i love you." you mumble back, smiling gratefully back at him.

he gave your thigh one more playful pinch before he stood up, walking over to the kitchen and leaving you to steady your breathing.

"are mum and dad coming home for dinner? i could start cooking for them if you want." he calls to you, opening your refrigerator and scanning the different things he could use to make a meal. you feel a slight blush tint your cheeks. you loved hearing jeongin refer to your parents as mum and dad, always made your insides all warm and fuzzy.

"ah no," your voice is uneven as you sit up. "they have that trip to seoul with their real estate friends." you sigh, hugging your knees to your chest as you watched your boyfriend peek his head up from behind the refrigerator door.

"so it's just you here tonight?" he asks, voice laced with concern.

you shrug. "yea. its okay, ayen will keep me company."

jeongin clears his throat, walking back over to you with his hands in his pockets. "maybe... maybe we could have a sleepover? the way we used to when we were little?" he places a hand on your knee, looking adorably bashful as he refuses to make eye contact.

"id really like that, but. i dont think your mom would allow you to sleep here without parental supervision." you tease him, playfully poking his sides with your foot.

"i dunno, she really likes you! and she trusts me anyways." he catches your foot, gently massaging it and leaning forward to rest his chin on your knee.

"do you think she should be trusting you?" you tease, but jeongin only smirks.

"there should be no reason for her not to. right?" he hums, watching in satisfaction as your cheeks turn red, masking it with a scoff as you shake your head.

"well, i'd love for you to sleepover, innie." you coo, squealing when jeongin hums back, turning his head and playfully sinking his teeth into your knee.

you loved whenever jeongin would sleepover. it made your heart jump, the thought of being able to wake up next to him. the slow, steady sound of his breathing, the feeling of his arms wrapped securely around you, his heartbeat steadily matching yours as you lay in his embrace. you loved how domestic it all was, watching as he prepared dinner for the both of you, back turned to you as he stirred instant ramen in a pot.

you sat by the counter, ayen sleeping peacefully in your lap. you could watch your boyfriend cook forever, the way his eyes narrowed as he read the instructions, slender fingers tearing at the package and letting the noodles boil in a pot. he turned to you, sweet smile on his face at the sight of your loving gaze.

"anything you need from me, princess?" he cooed, bending over the counter to press a kiss to your forehead.

"you look so cute, cooking dinner for me. can't wait to watch you cook for me every night in the future."

"in the future, huh?" he smirks, clearly teasing you. it works, the way heat rushes to your cheeks. you try to play it cool, rolling your eyes with a shake of your head. "you plan on keeping me around that long?"

his question takes you by surprise, your cool demeanor suddenly vanishing, evaporating into thin air. "w-well... i mean, of course, innie."

your genuine honesty warms his heart, and he cant help the little 'aww' that escapes him. "you're literally the cutest ever." he sighs, planting a soft kiss on your lips. "how about you put our favorite movie on, hmm pretty? we can eat our ramen while watching."

you nod, running upstairs to grab two pillows and a blanket, before racing down the stairs to prepare the living room for your movie night. another thing you loved about sleepovers with jeongin: you got to cuddle whenever you wanted, even while eating your dinner. you were completely invested in the first twenty minutes of the movie, that was until you both finished your ramen and cleaned the dishes, before settling back comfortably on the couch. jeongin sat behind you, legs spread wide so you could settle in between his thighs. your back was pressed to his chest, his head shifting from resting on both of your shoulders. his arms secured you tightly against him, guaranteeing that no matter how hard you squirmed, you could never escape his hold.

you dont even recall the what happens in the movie after the thirty-minute mark, too focused on the way jeongin was kissing you. most movie nights ended like this, with your back pressed against jeongin's chest as he kissed you just as you liked, hands groping you everywhere he could reach.

but there was something different in the way he was kissing you tonight, much more needy, much more intense. he groaned against you, hands shyly making their way under your shirt, thumbs just barely grazing your underboob. you gasped at the feeling, mouth hanging open as jeongin continued to kiss down your neck.

"will you let me play with you tonight, pretty?" he asked, teeth grazing your neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you can only nod, but jeongin tuts behind you.

"what'd i say, pretty baby? need to hear you, remember? now say 'yes, innie. play with me.'"

his hands come up to play with your breasts more confidently now, pads of his fingers lightly grazing your nipple as it starts to pebble under his gentle touch.

"yes, innie. please play with me." you whine, voice small.

"hmm, cute baby. so cute when you're all shy for me." jeongin hums, other hand tilting your chin towards him so he could kiss you full on the mouth, tongue licking against your bottom lip. you open up for him, letting him thrust his tongue into your mouth. one hand continues to grope your breast, slightly pinching your nipple in between his index and middle finger. his other hand ventures downwards, past the expanse of your stomach, tips of his fingers dipping into the waistband of your sleep shorts.

he feels you freeze against him, tensing in his hold and he instantly pulls away. "stop?" he asks you, raising his hands away from you, holding them up as if in surrender.

"no," you whine at the loss of contact, and jeongin swears he's never heard you sound so needy, bringing a small smile to his lips.

"what do you need from me then, baby?" he coos, trying not to chuckle when you turn over, eager to place your lips against his.

"upstairs, please. in my room." your tone is serious, but jeongin has to double check you're sure.

"baby, in your room? are you sure? really, really sure?" he prays to any god that listens for you not to change your mind.

"need you so bad, innie." you whimper, and jeongin groans. fuck, you're begging him. he could never say no to you.

he leads you up the stairs, throwing the door to your room open so violently you fear he's ripped it off the hinges, but you don't have time to scold him when his mouth is instantly on yours, pressing you impossibly closer to him. his hands find the hem of your shirt, mumbling a quick, 'please, need this off so bad.' before he practically tore it off you, as if disgusted at the mere thought of having the cloth on you. his hoodie is quick to come off as well, throwing it at a random corner in your room. he pulls away to stare at your bare chest, a heavy sigh leaving him when his gaze rises to your eyes.

"you're so beautiful, you know that?" his hands find purchase on your bare waist, slightly squeezing before pulling you closer to him, so that your bare chests press against each other. "literally, i've never seen something so close to perfection. could stare at you all day, pretty."

his lips latch onto your neck as he walks you backwards to your bed, gently laying down as he sucks dark purple marks on the junction of your shoulder. "let them see, baby." he breathes when you open your mouth to scold him. he continues to kiss down your body as you adjust yourself comfortably on your pillows, jeongin's nose rubbing against your abdomen.

"gonna let me strip you, hmm? everything comes off tonight. is that okay?' he double checks with you, fingers already hooking into the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down your thighs when you give him a hurried nod of approval. he kisses down your legs as the fabric leaves you, letting it fall down your bed as he crawls back up to you.

"want my fingers?" he hums, smiling down at you when you whine in response.

"god, yes. please, innie? need your fingers in me so bad." you're close to tears, and he's barely done anything to you yet.

"don't beg me, baby. i might blow my load before we even have some fun." he chuckles, already tugging your underwear down your hips and onto the floor.

jeongin's seen you completely naked a handful of times, but every time his eyes land on your cunt, he can't help the groan that leaves him. he thinks it's the prettiest thing ever, leaning down to kiss right below your belly button.

"seriously, baby. prettiest pussy i've ever seen." jeongin rarely swore, and god was it a treat to hear such lewd things come out of his mouth, had you arching your back against the bed in desperation.

"touch me jeongin, please. might go crazy if you don't." you whimper, hands finding his and dragging it to your core. your boyfriend just chuckles, bringing his hand to your mouth and slipping two fingers past your lips.

"suck for me." he commands, watching in delight as you obey, licking and sucking at his middle and ring finger. his mind starts to wander, and he can't stop the next words from leaving his mouth. "need my cock in your mouth so bad. think you could do that for me, angel?"

it was something you've never done before, but in your lust-filled haze, nothing sounds better than having jeongin's cock down your throat. you moan in response, slurping on his fingers, making them even wetter. jeongin groans at the feeling before he gently pulls away from your mouth.

he brings his fingers down to your already wet cunt, swiping in between your folds to collect your slick. "you're so fucking wet." jeongin gasps in awe, your cheeks turning red at the lewd sound of how wet you are against his fingers.

"have to let me eat this pussy after." he mumbles, slowly dipping his finger into you. you moan at the intrusion, the feeling of jeongin's long fingers settling in your walls. he starts to slowly pump them in and out, curling his finger and searching for the spongy spot that makes you-

"fuck!" you throw your head back in pleasure, fingers gripping your bedsheet tightly as jeongin smirks, adding another finger and continuing to hit and prod at that same spot.

"oh, innie." you whimper, lifting your head to look into your lover's eyes, moaning in surprise to see his pupils so blown out, gaze so heavy on you. he licks his lips as he watches you, holding eye contact as he slowly lowers his mouth on you.

the moment jeongin's tongue kitten licks against your clit, you lose it. cumming around his fingers, pussy clamping down so hard jeongin faintly wonders how it would feel around his cock. he doesnt stop, pumping his fingers in you even faster as his lips completely wrap around your clit and suck.

"oh.. what the fuck." you're rendered speechless, mouth hanging open as silent moans escape you. the wet feeling of his tongue on you is so foreign, has your thighs shaking around his head. jeongin can't help the smile that makes its way to his face, pinning your body down to the mattress as he removes his fingers, opts instead to swipe at your slit with his tongue.

"jeongin, fuck! what the hell." you can't even breathe at this point. jeongin's mouth is sloppy against you, but he doesn't stop planting open mouthed kisses against your pussy, slurping up all your liquid as if he'd die without it. you're a withering moaning mess above him and jeongin is so fucking hard at this point, rutting against your bed for some sort of pleasure.

your fingers tangle in his hair and it has jeongin moaning against you, making your back arch against the bed. "fuck, innie. please, please, don't- don't stop, please." you beg him, jaw going slack when he shoves his tongue in your pussy, mind going blank when his lips wrap around your clit once more and he starts to shake his head. you cum in his mouth one more time, thighs still shaking as jeongin crawls up to hover above you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"you taste so fucking good baby," jeongin mumbles as he kisses you, laughing when you struggle to kiss him back. "need to do that all the time. you'll let me, wont you baby? let me out whenever i want?" jeongin hums, carressing your cheek with his thumb.

"that? yea- you- yea. whenever you want. innie you can eat me out whenever you want." you breathe, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to kiss you. he hums into the kiss, resting some of his weight on you. you start to get your thinking back and slowly register the feeling of jeongin's hard cock on your thigh. your skin is wet and sticky from the precum that leaks from the tip, and literally nothing else is in your brain besides the fact that you want to taste it.

"innie?" you ask, fingers slowly trailing down his back, following the curve of his spine until they rest on his waist.

"yea, baby?" he hums, nudging your neck up with his nose, burying his face there and leaving open kisses there.

"you'll let me suck you off, won't you?"

jeongin's breath catches in his throat and he pulls away from your neck to stare down at you incredulously. "what."

"i want to suck you off."

"do you- do you even know what that means, baby?"

you roll your eyes at him, small smile painted on your lips. "of course i do. it's when im on my knees and your cock is in my mouth and i suck until you cum down my th-"

"okay stop talking i might cum." jeongin groans, subtly grinding against your thigh.

you can't help but giggle, and jeongin pinches your sides in retaliation. "well why don't you wanna do it know then, huh? if you're such a big girl." jeongin teases you.

you shrug. "want you to fuck me instead."

jeongin feels like he's been shot in the heart.

"what?"

you turn away from his gaze, heat spreading across your cheeks and down your neck as you whine, "don't make me say it again."

"no, angel. i need to make sure i wasn't hallucinating just now. what- what did you say?"

"i just-" you're silent for a while, but jeongin waits patiently, gently kissing your cheek in reassurance. "i knew it was always gonna be you, and i know you've been waiting for me and i'm ready now and-"

jeongin interrupts you with a shaky kiss, almost as if he couldn't control the force with which he placed his lips on yours. his kiss steals your breath away, and you think back to the First Kiss, and the kiss on your Seventeenth Birthday. it warms your heart, the thought that no matter how much time has passed, jeongin is still the sweet boy you fell in love with.

"you have to say you're sure." jeongin mumbles agianst your lips when he finally pulls away, deep brown eyes staring into yours.

"promise, innie. i'm sure. wouldn't want it to be anyone but you." you nudge his nose with yours, and jeongin can't help the giggle that escapes him.

"i love you so fucking much, y/n." he sighs, arms wrapping around your body and holding you flush against him.

jeongin pulls away from you and leans to the edge of the bed, fumbling around for his jeans. he pulls out his wallet from his back packet, taking out two condoms.

"two? you're really prepared huh?" you joke, trying to ease your nerves by teasing him.

"not that i planned this or anything,' jeongin quickly defends himself, and you can only chuckle at the panicked look on his face. "always good to come prepared, though."

he rips open the foil package with his teeth, explaining that 'they always do that in the movies' when you giggle at him. you watch as he rolls the condom on, spitting on his hand and spreading it all over his cock.

you can feel your heartbeat in your ears when he looks down at you, breathing uneven when you feel his tip prod at your folds.

"tell me to stop and i swear i will." jeongin whispers, leaning down to gently kiss you. you nod, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as jeongin guides the tip in. it's uncomfortable, the way it sits there but doesn't fully go in, and you wince.

"jeongin, just-"

"s-sorry i'm just so. im so nervous for some reason. i don't- i don't wanna hurt you baby. they say it always hurts the first time and, oh my god, some girls even bleed?? and i don't wanna do that to you baby-"

you shut him up with a kiss, waiting until his breathing has calmed down before you pull away. "it's okay baby. just wanna feel you. all of you." you coo, wiping away the sweat that started to form on his forehead.

jeongin sighs, slowly moving his hips forward, watching your every reaction. he tries, he really does try to be careful, but you feel so tight and hot and wet around him that he can't help but push all the way in, holding his breath until he feels his hips flush against yours.

you hiss at the feeling. it's a lot less painful than you thought, not exactly painful but more of a dull sting from the stretch. jeongin is silent from above you, guilt eating at his heart when he sees you wince.

"you okay, love?" he asks, voice strained.

"mhm. just need to get used to the feeling." you huff, trying to relax your muscles, trying not to clench from the pain.

"fuck, baby. you feel so fucking good. holy shit." jeongin groans, struggling to hold himself on top of you.

"move, jeongin. please." you whimper, the discomfort slowly giving way to pleasure, the tip of his cock kissing your spot so sweetly and it has your legs shaking.

jeongin tries to set a steady pace, wrapping your legs around his waist to feel even more of you, experimenting with every roll of his hips to find the angle that has you clamping down on him.

"baby, i'm so sorry but i literally feel like im going to explode , i dont think i can hold it." jeongin whimpers.

you can only moan in response, the feeling of jeongin's cock dragging against your walls already having you go dumb. "s'okay innie. want you to cum for me." you whisper, pulling him closer to plant a soft kiss on his lips. jeongin adjusts himself so he's resting on his elbows, arms on either side of your head as he rolls his hips into you, hip slapping against the back of your thighs with every thrust. his groans rise in pitch the faster and harder he thrusts, until he stops moving altogether, a low groan rumbling in his throat as he buries his head in your neck. he empties into the condom, hips stuttering against yours in quick thrusts until he pulls out of you.

he quickly ties the condom and throws it into the trash bin by your bed and all but dives into your embrace. you wait until his breathing becomes steady, fingers playing with the baby hair by his nape. he starts to plants soft kisses on your bare shoulder, all the way up to your neck and he meets your jaw, until he starts sloppilly kissing you all over your face. you giggle at his antics. trying to push him away, but to no avail.

"let me kiss your face." he whines, pinning your hands down and continuing his attack on your cheeks. you start to laugh, pulling your face out of his reach. he pouts playfully at you, leaning down to give you a final kiss on your lips. short and sweet, but you can feel every ounce of love that he gives you through that single kiss.

"can't believe we did that." he sighs once he pulls away from you, settling by your side and manhandling your body so you're cuddling into his side, head on his chest and your limbs draped over his body. "promise i'll make you cum on my cock next time." jeongin shakes his head, and you playfully hit his side.

you both lay there in silence for a while, until jeongin sighs and turns to face you. "i love you, y/n. always have. for as long as i could remember. and i will forever and ever and ever."

you hum at him, kissing the tip of his nose. "i love you, jeongin. always have."

jeongin has always been yours. will always be yours.

taglist: @abcdefgiwsmcty @n034sy @148-seungmin

hi thank u for letting me tag u and for being a part of my permanent taglist! just tell me if you wanna be removed HAHA and pls reply if you wanna be added to my taglist! okay thats all bye i love u all

[barefoothighlander]

ok but like gangbang with 141 x gn! or fem! reader...

alright i tried my best, this is literally porn with very minimal plot so. not proofread

warnings: mdni (18+), literally exactly what you expect, oral (fem+male rec), smut, dub con, unprotected pinv, anal fingering, overstimulation, creampie, so much touching, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, it’s a 5sum all bets are off, this is pure smut so read with caution, use of afab descriptors

You don’t know exactly how it started but Price had called the team into his office, you had just come back from a failed mission, you, Soap and Ghost were all meant to clear the building and retrieve your target while Price and Gaz provided aid from the heli, except your target got away. Luckily everyone made it out with barely a scratch, but it set the op back weeks now as you had no clue where your target had escaped to.

You anticipated getting a ear full from Price back on base, it had been your fault that the mission went sideways, you let off a shot too early, causing the enemy to track your position and reign fire while your group tried to push in, it hadn’t been your first mistake, but it would be your last.

You’re sitting in the office, nervously picking at the skin around your nails as the team files in, one by one. Price is sitting 5 feet from you, a lit cigar hanging from his lips as he waits for the men to settle in. You were already scared to be yelled at by your Captain but having him do it in front of the team made it astronomically worse, these were men you respected, you hoped they respected you.

“Simon lock the door”

Your heartbeat thrummed in your ears, was he going to kick you off the team?

“You’re a valuable asset to this team, but this mistake, you understand I have to punish you in some way”

“Yes Captain”

“Good” He stands from his chair nodding at Soap who moves forward and placed his arms on your shoulders, you stand up from your seat confused.

“You can say no at anytime” Soap says as he leans in and kisses you. He pulls back and you’re in awe, utterly baffled by the situation, you glance around the room, you’re cornered by the four men, and your heartbeat rises.

“Sargent, it’s your call” Price says to Soap and he nods, his hands moving down your form to i bottom your pants, your brain is a flurry of a thousand thoughts as he pulls them down, leaving you bare aside from your panties. His hands roam over your thighs before moving to cup at your sex, the feeling causes arousal to pool in your lower stomach.

Soap looks up at you from his spot on his knees before his fingers push your panties aside and he attaches his lips to your clit. You brave yourself back against the desk with your hand, his tongue working intricate circles over your bud, the sensation diluting your senses.

Soap wraps his arms behind your knees, pulling your body up slightly to rest you on the desk, allowing you to fall back, your back pressing against the wood as your fingers thread through his hair. You hear Price utter something to the men and you become painfully aware of your state, naked and vulnerable in front of your team, blush covers your cheeks as you make eye contact with Ghost who was braved against a wall.

Price circles your form, moving to stand at your head as his hand cups your jaw, you’re a mess of moans as Soaps fingers tease at your entrance.

“Just relax” Price says, reaching down to unbutton his pants and pulling out his hard length. You swallow thickly, his thick cock staring you down, his tip is leaking and all your thoughts converge on wanting to taste him. You stick your tongue out and he smirks, running the top along the muscle before pushing in, you open your jaw and allow him deeper, moaning around him.

Gaz and Ghost appear at your sides, Ghost scans your form before bringing his hands to grab at your shirt, tearing it from your body causing you to flinch from the cool breeze, he watches your breasts move as you writhe under Soaps tongue, his gloved hands moving to pinch at your hard nipples, eliciting a sigh from your chest.

Price is braced above you, one hand on your neck as he thrusts into your mouth, the room filling with the wet sounds from your mouth mixed with the gags he was forcing out of you, you’re struggling to breath, Soaps fingers pushing deeper into you, curling to hit your sweet spot as he sucks your clit into his mouth, Price pulls back from your throat allowing you a deep breath before your orgasm hits you suddenly, the men watch as to ur back arches, fingers gripping at the table as you ride out your high.

“Shit if I knew that’s what you sounded like I woulda done this sooner” Johnny says

You’re breathless, splayed out in the table like some sort of animal as the men’s eyes roam your form, they’re whispering to eachother as Gaz positions himself at the entrance, Price teases his cock at your mouth.

“Just gotta open you up a little” Price says, his cock pushing past your lips, you flatten your tongue against his shaft allowing him to thrust into your mouth. You swallow around him as Gaz inserts himself, the sudden intrusion making your eyes squeeze shut, you’re reaching for anything you can grab before you feel Ghost grab your hand, guiding it to his own cock. You moan at the feeling, your hand barely able to wrap around it nerves suddenly wracking your body as you think about taking him. He holds your hand to him, stroking it up and down his length as Soap watches you, your body glistens with a thin layer of sweat as Gaz continues fucking into you, securing a quick pace that has your legs wrapping around his waist. Price slows his thrusts, cooing in your ear before he buries himself deep in your throat, you choke around him as you feel your mouth fill with his hot seed, swallowing him before he removes himself.

“That’s a good girl”

You take a deep breath, the thrusts from Gaz making your hands clench on Ghost, a small grunt falling from his lips.

Soaps hands roam your body, his thumb settling on your clit as your hips twitch, you’re unraveling, your body putty in their hands. Your skin is rubbing against the hard desk, your neck digging into the corner before Prices hands move to hold your head,

“Doing so well Sargent”

He coos in your ear, his praise allowing you to relax, Ghost moves your hand to stroke his length, Gaz picks up his pace, the force making your body move slightly up and down, your breasts jumping with every thrust. Gaz is cursing as his pace becomes rabid, chasing his high, he bottoms out inside you and your pussy fills with his spend, the sensation making you curl your toes and you whimper as he pulls out.

Strong hands snake under your form, pulling your body up to turn you and place your chest flat against the table, your body spreading out as Soaps hands spread your thighs, his tongue licking a stripe from your clit to your ass causing you to flinch. His thumb teases at your virgin hole and your head falls forward, forehead coming into contact with the wood.

“Don’t worry lass, I won’t fuck your ass just yet”

He teases the head of his cock between your folds, causing you to clench around nothing before he pushes in, your slick coating him as the remnants of Gaz’s orgasm spill from your core. His cock is dragging against the ridges inside you, cashing moans to spill from your lips, quickly caught by Ghosts fingers as he pushes them into your mouth, you twirl your tongue around the digits sucking on them and he removes them with a pop, his spit soaked hand moving to stroke his cock in front of your face.

He watches your eyes widen as you finally catch a glimpse of him, smirking to himself, his massive member wracking your nerves. He cups your jaw, turning your head so your cheek is flush with the desk, his tip prodding at your lips. You part them letting him settle his cock between and he holds himself there, your tongue flicking over his leaking head.

You struggle to keep him in your mouth as your jaw opens, more gasps and moans slipping out as Soap pounds into you, your hips digging into the desk sure to leave bruises, his fingers got at your clit, correcting your slick before placing them over your asshole, teasing around the rim before pushing in past his first knuckle, the new sensation has you melting as he moves his fingers in tandem with his cock.

Soap is gripping your waist as he fucks deep into you, his top hitting your cervix with every thrust, burying himself to the hilt, his arms reach down and pull you up against him, your head falling to his shoulders as his arms snake around your waist.

Price sits on the desk in front of you, his eyes glued to your face as he watches you come apart, his hands moving down to circle your clit causing you to clench around Soap.

“That’s it baby, you wanna cum on his cock”

You nod

“Yeah? You wanna cum for all of us”

You look around, eyes glancing over the men before you sheepishly nod at Price,

“Then do it, cum for us”

You clench down on Soaps cock as he buried himself deep into you, filling you as you ride out your second high. He pulls from you and you fall forward, hands braced against Priced shoulders as he runs circles over your bare skin, the mixture of seed dribbling down your thighs.

Price barely gives you time to breath before inserting himself the intrusion making you sob into his neck, he holds you against him as he fucks up into you, a hand grabbing at your thigh to brave your leg on the desk allowing him deeper.

Your clinging to him, face buried in his shoulder as he drills you, your weight being held up by him as you lose your balance. His arm is around your waist, tugging your form down on him in time with his thrusts, he’s hitting impossibly deep inside you.

Gaz kneels behind your form, his hands moving to spread your ass to give the men a better view of where you and price meet as your juices coat his cock.

Wet sounds fill the room as Price continues fucking you until you can’t see straight, his punic hair grinding against your clit everytime he brings your body down, your hard nipples grazing against his rough shirt.

You turn your head and find Simons eyes, they’re glued to you, his face stoic under his mask as he strokes himself, the sight alone brings you back to the edge. You cum with a cry as Price keeps his pace, pounding into you, refusing to let you down.

His arms grip at your form, his knuckles almost white as he keeps you still, grunting as his orgasm overtakes him, he thrusts in a few more times fucking his spend deeper into you. You’re practically filled to the brim, begging for a break as he moves out from under you.

Ghost moves in front of you, the tip of his cock red, almost angry as he sits in Priced chair, legs parted. You whimper at the sight, slowly making your way to him, his hands find your hips as you settle on top of him, straddling his cock. You glide your folds over his length, shuddering when it hits your clit. His hands find your thighs, urging you up as he lines himself up with your core, you move down on him slowly, his size stretching you as you brave against his chest.

You were so weak and he was massive, you practically fainted against him, he fucked up into you slowly, allowing you to adjust to him in your fatigued state, once you adjusted he stood up, your legs still around him as he laid your back against the table, holding you there. Soap found your side, his cock situated beside your mouth, you lazily pry your lips allowing him in and he drags his length across your tongue.

Ghost holds your thighs to your chest, keeping you still as he fucks into you, the sensation of him making your brain cloud as your moans turn into pathetic meals and whimpers. He’s moulding you to him with every thrust as Soap pushes deeper into your throat.

“So fuckin pretty like this lass”

You look up at him with glassy eyes, your hair a mess sticking to your forehead as your skin glistens in a sheen of sweat. Soap braves himself over you, holding his cock deep in your throat before cumming, it pools in the back of your mouth, the salty taste mixing with the remnants of Price as you swallow every drop. He pulls from you with a heavy breath and you turn your attention to Ghost, your body is wrecked, your muscles weak as he forced you to take every inch of him, your head falls back as you let him use your body.

His pace is hard and rough, his cock filling every bit of your abused hole as he leans over you, hand gripping your jaw forcing you to look at him. You let out a whimper and he feels his abdomen tighten, his seed filling you to the brim as he comes down from his own high. He pulls from you, his fingers pushing the cum back into your weeping cunt as you clench around him.

You’re breathless, at their mercy as they tuck themselves back into their pants, your naked form splayed over the desk.

Soap finds himself back at your side with a glass of water, his arm braces against your frame holding you upright as Price kneels below you, helping you into your underwear so you don’t feel as vulnerable. Your breaths are heavy as you come to, your mind beginning to clear as your heartbeat settles.

“We clear now on why we don’t shoot early” Price asks

You nod meekly,

“Good, cause next time we won’t be as nice”

You swallow a thick gulp as the men leave the room, it reeks of sweat and sex as you dress yourself slowly, your knees wobbly as you brave against the wall, silently praying that no one heard what had just happened.

[neiptune]

just her color

cw: 2.7 wc, female reader, violence, gore, it gets pretty descriptive, slightly nsfw (y'all have sex lol), dark academia(ish) setting

“A girl has been found dead on campus” Jean’s brows are furrowed as he skims through his twitter timeline “shit, I think I know who she is?”

“What?” Sasha straightens up in her seat, iced latte promptly put down. The table grows silent, you’ve grabbed Jean’s wrist to peek at his screen in disbelief. Someone dying at your college, the most boring place on earth, is difficult to believe.

“Holy shit” you let go of your friend’s wrist and meet Sasha’s gaze “it’s Yuki. Remember? She used to be in our history class”

She opens her mouth in a small “o”, realization freezing her surprised features.

“Nakamura Yuki?” Eren’s breath catches in his throat “that’s impossible, I literally saw her last week. Didn’t she tutor students with you, ‘Min?”

“Yeah but that was last year” Armin shakes his head “what the hell happened? From what I remember she didn’t care for parties or weird companies”

“Not sure, they’re jut saying she’s been found outside her dorm” Jean puts away his phone with a grim look on his face, cappuccino long forgotten. Connie used to have a crush on that girl, he hopes to find him before he has the chance to get the news from social media.

“Do you guys think it was an accident?” all pigment seems to have been sucked out of Eren’s face and you instinctively push back some of the hair from his forehead.

“An accident? What d’you mean?” you tilt your head to the side, pose the question carefully weighing each word.

“I don’t know. Alcohol poisoning? Maybe someone spiked her drink?”

A shudder teases your spine, almost makes you retract your hand. “So you’re saying… someone did it?”

“Not on purpose. I’m just speculating”

“Why?” Sasha chimes in “stop it, it’s weird. If something’s off, the school is gonna tell us”

“Yeah, right, they definitely will” you scoff.

“Maybe it was like a heart attack” Armin seems unconvinced himself as he finishes his tea, surely gone cold by now.

“Sure, that sounds likely” you push back the mug containing your black coffee, suddenly nauseous “next time my parents ask how things are going up here, I’ll finally have the perfect answer. Oh, you’ll never guess the novelty: girls are being murdered on campus now!”

“No one’s been murdered” Eren is annoyed and eager to change the subject. Everyone else is too. You kinda get it: it’s weird that a girl you all somehow knew is suddenly dead, it’s even weirder that something so dreadful had to happen on your campus of all places.

On the slopes of mount Rokko, in Kobe, nothing really ever happens. You attend a private university that counts a few thousand students and an international exchange program that no one really ever applies to. Your professors like to call the insistution “Kobe’s best kept secret” but to you that’s just a pretentious way to present an old school with an even older set of rules that simply make your lives excruciatingly harder. No visits allowed except for graduations or special ceremonies, everyone is supposed to be in their rooms by 9:30 pm (as security keeps a record of students who are caught roaming in the corridors at night), no one is allowed to leave the building except for Sundays and even then if you don’t have your identity card with you, the chances that you’ll spend the night in the woods are pretty high because security doesn’t really give a shit.

But if they don’t mind leaving students locked outside for the night (it has happed), the appreciation for bribes runs equally high: it’s not uncommon among students to offer as much as ¥308,230 to buy their silence for a plethora of activities. Money is power even on top of mount Rokko and it can be used to secure sex, parties, drugs, alcohol, just like it does anywhere else.

Which is why everyone seems to be asking themselves the same question: who the hell used money to secure an assassination?

Soon after the finding and despite the rector’s efforts, Yuki’s picture was passed around in group chats and social media posts like a collectible card. Most senders had the decency to forward the blurred version of the photo but pretty much everyone saw the first, original variant, and the school couldn’t keep it a secret for a minute longer: a murder it was.

You spent the following days unable to get proper sleep, eyes wide open scanning the ceiling for the majority of the night, the image of that girl’s empty, horrified stare chasing you until dawn, pulse rapidly tapping against your skin at the thought. Sasha doesn’t speak of her nightmares but you’re sure they resemble your own dreams: one hand pointlessly closed around a pale throat slashed open, the dark halo of thin hair framing a face gone cold, liquid red lipstick smeared across lips like a macabre tribute to joker.

If few can get out of the school, basically no stranger can step foot inside. Which means, and every single female student is painfully aware of it, that they are sharing their campus with a killer.

You’ve all been moving in packs lately, no girl has been seen wandering around the school without her friends or boyfriend and you’re no exception: if Sasha is almost always escorted by Jean and Connie, Eren basically refuses to leave your side and has been staying the night more and more often.

“I know cops freak you out” he tries to keep the spirits high, indulges in some humor to ease part of the tension in your shoulders as the investigation unfolds and strangers search your dorm a million times.

“Pigs” you utter under your breath shortly before flashing a smile to one of the officers you pass by on your way to class “how dumb d’you have to be to be still groping in the dark? They’re clueless”

He shrugs, trying hard to suppress a smirk because what the hell, they’re only there because a girl has been murdered and it wouldn’t be appropriate to smile “they’ll never figure it out anyway”

You look up at him, confusion evident by the crease between your brows. Eren clears his throat.

“Everyone knows the school wants to handle this shit internally” he lowers his voice in a murmur “I wouldn’t be surprised if the rector was actually trying to get rid of them”

“What the fuck? Why would he do that? Parents are already freaking out, threatening to pick up their kids and cancel their enrollments, does the rector want to reign over an abandoned bulk of shitty old bricks?”

“How much did you look into those articles about our school that Armin sent us last year?” Eren tilts his head a little, an amused twitch of the lips indicating that he’s about to do the thing you hate the most: be a smartass.

“Not much” you stand defeated and your boyfriend grins.

“It’s not the first time someone’s died here, Gako has a pretty long history of secret societies that are believed to have performed some fucked up initiations. It’s mainly why we don’t have them anymore, at least officially. The degree of independence from the rectorate was pretty high, they essentially had an agreement: vivit et vivet”.

“What?” your brows furrow, skeptical. Eren basks in your confusion.

“Live and let live. Keep your nose out of our business and we’ll do our best to stay discreet”

You refrain from asking where the fuck he even learned latin as a more urgent question arises. “But why would the rectorate even agree?”

“Those students came from some of the richest, most influential families of the Taisho era. Gako cares a lot about history and tradition and…”

“Prestige”

Eren nods.

“They kept the money flowing and the name shining. Those societies were Gako, I bet our current rector himself is an ex member of the Cauda Venenum or whatever the fuck it was”

There’s a pause as the story sinks in, all the implications that single revelation could hold. “Wow. You seem to have really enjoyed those articles, Armin must’ve been thrilled”

He laughs a bit at that and shrugs, pulls you closer to his body, pretends not to notice the inkling shadow of suspicion quivering beneath the surface of your words.

You don’t point out that what happened to Yuki is far from resembling an initiation, nor you dwell on the main undertone of the entire conversation: if what Eren said is true, the case could very well remain unsolved and the murderer would be allowed to roam free through the halls, perhaps for evermore. The mere thought sends a chill down your spine. Vivit et vivet.

The Yuki topic is banned from being discussed with Sasha, she gets nervous really easily and is already painfully on edge every single day. Despite Jean and Connie basically never leaving her side, you know part of her wishes she had a boyfriend to rely on or keep close at night, one that would pull her into him as she wakes up from those hellish nightmares, chest heaving painfully. That’s precisely why you don’t bring up Eren to her: not his weirdly cemented assumptions, not the fact that you want to keep your distance for at least a day or two. And so, as it often happens, Armin becomes the designated listener to all your bitching and moaning.

“He’s just being weird, I guess” you grumble over breakfast, a portion of blueberry pancakes covered in dense syrup “and I don’t know how to make it clear to him”

“How to make what clear to him?”

“That he’s giving me the creeps”

Your friend chuckles at that.

“I’m sure Eren’s simply as freaked out as everyone else, he’s just trying to make sense out of the whole thing. I do appreciate that at least someone went through the material I shared, though”

“I was plannin’ to” you protest “eventually”

“Sure you were” Armin rolls his eyes but there’s fondness in his resigned gaze.

A comfortable silence drapes over the two of you as you keep eating, the chatter floating around the mess hall reaches you like the rolling of heavy, long sea waves. There’s a storm raging outside, although not much can be seen from the stained glass windows that are closer to the vaulted ceilings than the long, wooden tables filled with students. The only real indicators are the distant rumbling of the thunder and a group of pupils who barged through the doors soaked from head to toe.

“I know you’re just as scared, y’know” Armin calmly cuts through the silence, eyes on his now empty plate “even if you always wanna act all tough”

“Yes, I’ll admit I’m slightly nervous at the idea that a murderer is currently wandering around our school and that our rector may very well be doing nothing to actually find said homicidal maniac” the words come out harsher than intended so you try to soften them around the edges “sorry, I just… it’s shitty. And I feel like I don’t get to complain because I have a boyfriend who is always making sure I’m not lonely or scared while…”

“Sasha doesn’t?”

Ugh, Armin. Ever the receptive empath.

You hang your head lower, shoulders hunched. He offers another one of his gentle smiles.

“A student has been found with her throat split open, on campus. I think you get a pass for being nervous about it, even if you have a boyfriend”

“Thank you, ‘Min” the smile you offer in exchange is probably not as sweet nor fully persuaded but you do truly appreciate his courtesy.

When you get back to your room at the end of a very long, tiring and unfortunately wet day (you 100% forgot to bring your just-in-case umbrella and thought running would be a safe, dry enough strategy to bolt from one class to the other), all you want is to kick off your muddy shoes, add some logs to the fireplace, take a piping hot shower and melt into the comfort of your bed. However, it’s not often you have the room all to yourself: Sasha is going to spend the night in Connie’s room, the only place in the entire school where she feels safe enough to get a good night sleep.

You decide to text Eren and ask him to come over. Although you never directly addressed your concerns or discomfort, he must’ve sensed the desire to keep to yourself for a few days and he’s been gracious enough to step back and grant some space. You don’t necessarily feel guilty about it but you’d lie if you said you didn’t miss him and his stupid, sometimes awfully inappropriate jokes. You’re in love with him after all, insufferably in love one could say (and Jean has before).

Eren is the one person you’d do everything for, the only man you could dedicate your entire life to. And it’s not just because he’s attractive, emotionally intelligent, a good friend and just generally a kind, good-hearted person. It’s because he loves you just as much, knows that you were made for each other, like a perfect match determined by a superior force, some higher power, a deity that held a flame to both your hearts and sealed your fate for all eternity. That’s how being in love with Eren feels.

That’s what you always think about when he fucks you into the mattress, as you moan as loud as he likes it, as you beg for him to go faster, harder, whenever he teases you with a painfully slow roll of the hips. He knows you belong to him just as much as he belongs to you and, god, what never fails to send you over the edge each time is the thought that he adores belonging to you more than he enjoys owning you. You have him, all of him, and by god you’ll make sure that never changes.

Tonight, the thought of Yuki infiltrates your brain once more, no matter how much you work to keep it at bay. What did she feel while being slashed open? Did she die from damage to the trachea or the carotid arteries? The latter seems to be more likely, the blood vessels the run up each side of the neck will bleed profusely if severed and she did bleed a lot, probably ended up chocking on her own blood, right as the blood flow to the brain was compromised. Still, you hope her heart didn’t stop too quickly.

Most people believe that cutting a human’s throat is the same as slahing open an animal’s. But you’re not supposed to place the knife at right angle only to press and draw it across the skin: the best way is actually to find the soft spot below the junction of the jaw and the neck, position the point of the knife right there and thrust it in, gently guiding the blade along the bundle of neck cords until you reach the same soft spot on the opposite side. The correct location is not hard to find: tracing a finger back from the lower jawbone to the place where the bone turns upwards and then lowering it slightly is just enough.

You wonder if forensic pathologists have been allowed to take a look at the body, if the autopsy reported that a right handed person has firmly restrained the victim from behind despite no weapon having been recovered from the crime scene.

What a loss, ever the tragedy, a young and pretty life being severed so early on. She was lovely, especially with that little cherry lipstick she’d always carry around, the one that complimented her fair skin perfectly. You didn’t want her to bid farewell to this world with an ugly face, not when red looked so good on her. Burgundy was just her color.

Eren is showering when his phone, left on your nightstand, lights up.

(Aiko, 10:07 pm) hey!

(Aiko, 10:07 pm) working on that paper today was really fun :) wanna meet up again tomorrow?

(Aiko, 10:08 pm) this time I promise coffee is on me

Good grief.

There’s never really an end to the ladies you have to deal with, is there?

[rocketbirdie]

fic recs pls zakkura legend?

YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD

recs below the cut, in no particular order:

and things never change by andrewwtca

My personal favorite fic of all time. This one's a little less zakkura and a LOT more doomed post-AC Cloud+Tifa. Cloud mourns Zack, Tifa mourns Aerith, they try so hard to find comfort in one another, but things never change. This fic unlocked new sensations in me that I didn't even know existed, like guttural heartbreak so brutal that it makes you dry heave. If that sounds like your idea of a fun evening, give it a try!

skadii

Literally everything from skadii. This author right here is the true legend of zakkura fics. I can't really summarize it because they're all SO GOOD. Just. *chef's kiss* *EXPLODES, BADLY*

Mako-Soaked Kintsugi Bathed in Brutal Daylight by FeralSunshine22

While on the run from Shinra, Zack and Cloud take a tumble through spacetime and wind up in the FF15 universe, where they reunite with Kunsel. Now that they're safe, Zack has a LOT to process mentally about the shit they've been through in the past few years. This fic is the most realistic depiction of PTSD and recovery from a coma that I've ever read. Even if you know next to nothing about the FF15 universe (like me!), the writer does a fantastic job of easing you into this unfamiliar world.

the only one for me (Light of the Universe) by anonymous

Craving something wildly out of character? Desperately need a dose of dark!Zack? This one's an acquired taste, but if you're looking for some jaw-dropping plot twists and morally objectionable behavior, then I can absolutely recommend this 4-part fic in which an obsessed stalker Cloud gets a teeensy bit more than he bargained for. This author has several other lovingly crafted zakkura fics as well!

Hello Once Again by hrelics9

An interpretation of the consequences of Remake's ending, a Zack lives AU that follows many of the plot points of the OG, while exploring Aerith's powers as an ancient, and Jenova's powers as an eldritch monstrosity. Zakkura mind-melding content! Sadly, this fic was never completed, but the almost 300,000 words that we do have are awe-inspiring.

not the same as loneliness by crookedspoon

Cloud is in a coma. Zack is trying to hold it together for both of their sakes. But as time goes, it gets more and more difficult for Zack to cope with the isolation. Short and sweet, very dubious consent. Highly recommended.

This is by no means a complete list, just a couple favs off the top of my head. Happy reading!!

[thatgirlstrawberry]

Sick Surprise - The Honeymoon

In which Y/N and Spencer go on their honeymoon!

Warnings: Fluff, smut!!! Oral (f rec), fingering, unprotected sex, penetrative sex,

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Leaving Eloise for a week was harder than the newlyweds thought it would be. But now, they were at the airport, hand in hand and watching their daughter wave at them through the window of her grandma’s car.

“Do you think we could just catch up to the car?” Y/N asked, biting her lip. Spencer sighed and she rolled her eyes with a smile. “No. We can’t get all sad.” She said. “We have a week with no child. That means, sex, eating all the food we want, walking around naked, sex and oh! More sex.” She nodded proudly. Spencer looked down at her an quirked an eyebrow. “And… spend time with each other, I guess.”

He laughed and they walked into the airport with their luggage and hearts pounding with excitement and love for one another.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When they reached their hotel room, Y/N literally left her bag in the hallway because she was too excited to carry anything with her. Spencer chuckled and walked in after her, taking her suitcase by the handle and dragging it in.

He didn’t even get a chance to look around before Y/N came out of nowhere and jumped on his back, squealing. He groaned with a laughed and fell forward onto the bed. “Wait, we haven’t even gotten to see the view from the balcony yet!” He laughed as he turned over, Y/N straddling his hips.

“You think the view out there is gonna look better than…” She pulled her shirt over her head and smiled down at him. “This?”

Spencer instantly became mesmerized. “You, my wife, are the most beautiful view in the world.”

She paused. “I’m your wife!” She squealed. She leaned down and placed a slow but passionate kiss on his lips. His hands found their way to her hips and he sighed into her lips.

Her hands gripped his shirt, wanting it off as fast as possible. They broke the kiss long enough for him to sit up and let her take his shirt off, never breaking eye contact. His hot skin against her cold felt exhilarating and she kissed him again. “I’m so glad you married me.” He whispered.

She smiled, her eyes saying the exact same thing he did. The rustling of the bedsheets and their breathing was the only thing in the room as they kissed. “I love you.” He whispered between kisses. “I love—“ She kissed him again. “You.”

She giggled and before she could kiss him again, her phone rang in her back pocket. “I’m ignoring it, don’t worry.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket as she kissed him and turned it off, throwing it somewhere on the bed.

He rolled her over so he was on top and held himself above her. “Good. That’s so good.” He nodded before dipping down to kiss her jaw and neck. Her back arched off of the bed, chest pressing against her husband’s. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she shut her eyes, throwing her head back.

Her phone rang again. “Fuck. What the fuck.” She groaned. She opened her eyes and turned her head saw that it was her mother calling. She grabbed her phone as Spencer sighed and crawled off of her.

“Hello?” Y/N groaned.

“Y/N, honey I’m so sorry but I can’t get Eloise to sleep.”

Y/N bit her lip and looked at the time. “Mom, it’s past ten back where you are.” She heard Eloise crying in the background.

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to have to call you—“

“It’s okay, just let me talk to her.” She shook her head and looked up at Spencer. She heard the phone shuffling and Eloise’s crying get louder.

“Hewo? M-mommy I mith you an’ Spenther.” She coughed through her cries and sniffled. “I wan’ you to come back.” She sobbed.

“I know, baby. Me and Spencer will be back so soon.” Y/N bit her lip.

“I wan’ a story!”

Y/N swallowed. “Ask grandma to read you one, honey. She’s a really good reader.” She said, glancing at Spencer.

“No! I Don’t wan’ her i wan’ Spenther!”

Y/N nodded and closed her eyes . “Okay, Eloisey? He can’t read to you right now.”

Spencer cleared his throat and she looked up at him. “I could read to her. I know every single book she has on her little shelf.” He chuckled.

The woman smiled and bit her lip. “Okay, Spencer is gonna read you a book, which one do you want him to read?”

“If— if you gave a mouse a cookie.” She sniffled on the phone.

She looked at Spencer with a small shrug and he held his hand out for the phone. He took it and Y/N let her sleep fall onto her stomach on the bed.

She closed her eyes and listened to her husband’s voice perfectly recite If You Gave A Mouse A Cookie.

She opened up her eyes and looked at him, smiling into the sheets. “God, you’re so perfect.” She whispered. He didn’t seem to hear her but his eyes slid to hers and he smiled.

She shut her eyes again and inhaled the fresh linen scent of the bed.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.

“I hate the beach.” Spencer spoke quickly. Y/N giggled and sighed. Spencer was lying on a chair and she was lying on a beach towel in the sand. “The sun is really hot and there’s sand in my hair.”

Y/N smiled and propped herself on her elbows. “Do you like my bikini, Spencer?” She asked. It was a black triangle top with white stars all over it and matching bottoms that tied on the sides. Spencer looked over the arm of the chair, mouth agape.

“I no longer hate the beach.” He said, glancing between her face and her chest.

A few minutes later, Y/N was running towards the water and Spencer was going after her. “Baby, wait!” He called.

They spent the rest of the evening in the water, splashing, kissing, laughing— just enjoying themselves as a new married couple.

As they were getting ready to leave, Y/N threw her arms around his neck. “Y’know, we never got to finish what we started earlier.” She smiled, pushing her chest into his.

He ran his hands up and down her arms. “We didn’t?” He furrowed his brows with a smile.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Nope. My mother called.” She laughed. “But, now that she doesn’t need us, we could go back to the room and I can take this off…” She leaned in more to whisper. “And you can do whatever you want to me.” She stood on her toes and nipped at his ear.

He groaned lowly. “Okay, let’s go.”

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

Laughing, the two entered their room. Spencer was trying to tickle her sides and she rushed away from him.

She laid on the bed and let her arms fall above her head. Spencer caught up and stood at the edge, his knees against hers. She was still wearing nothing but that tiny tie bikini. “You look so good.” He shook his head, his teeth catching his bottom lip. “And I’ve been waiting to tear this off off of you since I saw you out it on.” He reached forward and flicked the knotted string of her bikini bottom. “It took everything not to undo this in the water.” He smiled.

Y/N bit her lip. “Well, we’re alone now. You can take it off.” She nodded eagerly.

He tilted his head and leaned forward, pushing one knee between her legs but not touching her where she needed him. Instead, his hand trailed up her thigh and on top of the fabric of her swimsuit.

Her lips parted and she looked at his hand and then his face. “Take it off, Spence. Please.” She breathed out.

He didn’t listen. Instead he cupped her over the fabric. She inhaled sharply and shut her eyes. Her back arched off of the bed and she gripped the sheets above her head. “Wait, wait.” She breathed out. “At least take off your shirt, let me look at you.” She begged. He chuckled and unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it to the side.

He leaned down and hovered over her, kissing her lips and rubbed her clit through the bikini. “Mm…” She moaned and bit her lip after he broke the kiss. He moved his lips to her jaw and then towards the base of her neck. She hummed and shut her eyes, leaning back and exposing her neck to his lips. His fingers circled slowly over her and she bent her knees so her legs weren’t hanging off the edge of the bed anymore. He applied more pressure and a whine left her lips.

“I need you.” She whispered underneath the sound of his lips against her. “Please, Spencer we got cock blocked by my mother. Your cock is free now!”

He chuckled into her neck and leaned up. He grabbed the tie part of her top and pulled the string, untying it completely. She sat up a bit, letting him pull it off of her and she laid back down. He bit his lip and glanced between her breasts and her eyes. “How are you this beautiful?” He asked.

Spencer leaned down kissed the skin around her chest, biting gently a few times. She gasped softly and planted her hands in his hair, scratching his scalp gently. He groaned as he kissed lower and lower. Once he got to the bottom of her stomach, he looked up at her. He moved his head to the side, grabbing the string of her bikini bottom with his teeth. He pulled it and it became undone. Y/N watched him do this to the other side and lifted her hips up so he could pull it off.

Once he did, he grabbed her thighs and spread them apart. He kept his eyes on hers as he leaned down and kissed the insides of her thighs teasingly. Her back arched off the bed and she placed her hands in his damp, messy hair. “You know you’re teasing.” She whispered with desperation behind her voice.

“You know you love it.” He bit her softly and she jolted a bit. He decided to give her what she wanted and kissed her right on her bundle of nerves.

Her moans soon filled the room as he went to town, sucking and licking. She gripped his hair between her fingers and pulled which elicited groans from him and sent vibrations to her core.

His hands squeezed her thighs, pulling them impossibly farther apart. He ground his hips against the bed, her moans turning him on even more.

“I’m gonna— holy fuck!” She whined, not able to finish her sentence.

He pulled away for just a moment, mouth and chin glistening. “I know, baby just hold on.” He removed one of his hands from her thighs and teased her entrance with his finger.

The noises she was making only made him more eager to bury himself inside of her. He bit his lip and slowly pushed his finger inside of her. She gasped and let her head fall back against the sheets.

“M-more.” She moaned. He obeyed and pushed another finger inside. Her breaths became heavier and faster and she was a writing mess.

“Come for me, baby.” He nodded. Seconds later, she was doing just that, moaning his name.

Her chest heaved as he removed his fingers and crawled up, putting his body between her legs. He pressed his lips to hers and she hummed. She felt his hard dick pressed against her thigh through his shorts.

She trailed her nails down his sides and hooked her fingers through the loops of his cargo shorts. “Take them off,” She mumbled against his lips. He pulled away from her lips. “Come on, I need it.” She plead.

He bit his lip, watching her squirm underneath him. He unbuckled the belt he wore and tossed it across the room, his shorts following not long after. The sight of him pressed up against his boxers was excited her even more, anticipation built up waiting for the feeling she loved so much.

He adored her smile as she sat up, her fingers creeping beneath the waist band of his boxers. She looked up at him through her lashes as she pulled. He helped her take them the rest of the way off and gently pushed her back onto the bed.

She inhaled and shut her eyes as his body pressed up against her. She moaned and reached down between their bodies, guiding his dick towards her entrance. He pushed in, mouth falling open in sync with Y/N’s.

A gasp left her lips and she pushed her hips up to meet him. When he bottomed out, he stayed still waiting for Y/N to exhale and open her eyes. She clenched around him involuntarily and let out a loud breath. “Holy shit—“ She whined, feeling him slowly stretch her out.

Spencer was barely able to think about anything other than the way her nails were digging into his arms and the the way she felt wrapped around him.

“O-okay, move please.” She breathed out.

He started to snap his hips into hers at a slow pace, head falling back. “You feel so good, honey. Can’t believe I get to feel this for the rest of my life.”

Her back arched off the bed, chest meeting his and she moaned into his shoulder. “F-faster, I need it faster.” She whispered.

He nodded and began to push into her faster. He repositioned and held himself up on his knees, throwing her legs over his and gripping her hips tightly. Her core tightened and she brought her arms up over her face as she moaned loudly, feeling him deeper in the new position. He used one hand to take her arms away from her face.

“I wanna see my beautiful wife.” He groaned feeling her walls clench around him. “Fuck, Y/N!”

She squeezed her eyes shut and jolted when she felt him start to rub her clit. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Feels so good!”

Spencer gripped her hips so hard that there were sure to be bruises in the morning. Not that Y/N minded.

Her chest heaved as he pounded into her. She placed her hands over his and maintained eye contact. She smiled and let out a loud moan, closing her eyes. “I’m so fucking close…” She breathed out. Her whines grew louder and closer together.

Spencer nodded. “Me too, baby. Fuck—“ He leaned down, pressing his body against hers and placing his arms underneath her. She made a noise at the new way her was hitting her cervix and wrapped her arms around him.

“Fuck, Spencer!”

“Wait for me, beautiful.” He whispered in her ear, kissing her ear.

A moment later, the husband and wife reached their climaxes, holding each other closer than ever.

Y/N’s chest heaved and she groaned as Spencer pulled out of her and laid beside her. “I… cannot believe that’s the first time we’ve had sex since the bathroom after the ceremony.”

Spencer chuckled. “It was hard.” He nodded. “You tried to jump me in the bathroom on the airplane, Y/N.”

She squealed with laughter. “Why can I say? I could see your dick through your shorts.” She nodded, tapping the side of her head. “X-ray vision, baby.”

He rolled his eyes and began to speak but there was a knock at the door. Y/N gasped and got up from the bed quickly and headed to the bathroom so she wouldn’t be seen. Spencer stumbled up off of the bed and pulled his shorts on as quickly as possible.

He went to the door and opened it. There was an old man standing. “Hello—“

“I get that you’re a new married man but it’s 10 o’clock and the walls are thin. Pipe down, lover boy.” He grumbled.

Spencer raised his eyebrows and the man slowly shuffled away back to his room. He shut the door and heard Y/N laugh from the bathroom and rolled his eyes with a smile.

She came back out of the bathroom but this time covered (not really) in her lace lingerie. Spencer’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and his jaw slack on the floor. “Holy mother fucking shit.” He read his name that was stitched onto the front of the bottoms. “Holy shit!”

“Oh, did you think we were done, lover boy?” She asked, leaning against the frame of the door.

He swallowed and shook his head. “N-no I just thought—“

“Take those damn shorts off.” She smiled with a roll of her eyes. He did as he was told.

She walked towards him and pushed him back a bit, knees hitting the bed. He sat and looked up at her. “You’re gonna have to undress me again.” She smiled. She sat on his lap, her knees on the bed. She felt his dick pressed against her.

He nodded. “As many times as I have to.” He told her. He thought for a second. “Or… we can keep it on.” He shrugged. “I kind of like the idea of fucking my wife with my name on her.”

She tapped his lips. “Our name, you mean?”

He smiled. “Our name.”

Y/N kissed him slowly, moving her hips a little to create friction. He moaned into her mouth and placed his hands on her ass, pushing her against him every time she moved back. “You’re so fucking sexy.” He husked in between kisses.

She hummed and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pushed herself up so she was hovering and pulled away from his lips. She used one hand to reach between them and pull her underwear to the side. Then, she grabbed his cock and guided it, rubbing it between her folds between pushing it all the way back so it rested at her entrance.

He groaned and resisted the urged to push up into her and let her sink down on him. She pressed her lips against his to muffle the moan and paused, chest heaving. She pulled away from his mouth after a moment. “I will never get tired of this feeling.” He told her.

She smiled and opened her eyes, beginning to rock back and forth slowly. Spencer hissed and leaned forward, resting his head against her chest. He pressed a few kisses on her breasts here and there.

She began to move faster and he wrapped his arms around her waist, biting and kissing her chest.

Her rocking turned into bouncing and she tried her best to be quiet. Spencer, not so much. The feeling of her walls squeezing him in some sort of pattern that he had yet to figure out was driving him mad. 

It was like their bodies were made for each other. Like pieces of a puzzle. She reacted just right for him and vice versa.

She moaned loudly as he pulled her impossibly closer and he began to thrust up into her. “Oh! Fuck!” She nodded, eyes closed.“Just like that, Spence.”

(All I can think of rn is part of your world from the new little mermaid - rev) sorry lol back to the smut

He squeezed her hips as her legs squeezed the outside of his. “Close, baby?” She nodded, not able to form words anymore. He hummed and thrusted faster. “Come for me.”

Her legs shook and she arched her back, freezing in her place. She came hard, squeezing her eyes shut. She then felt Spencer finish inside of her and squeezing her so hard that there were definitely gonna be bruises.

“Fuck, wife… I love you.” He panted.

“I love you too, husband.”

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

Hours later, the two were laying in each other’s company, not talking but not sleeping and wrapped up in sheets. She was facing him, playing with his fingers and humming the song that they danced to on their first dance as a married couple.

All Spencer could do was stare at her. She was so unbelievably beautiful. She was ethereal. Majestic. Anything that meant beautiful, she was. Not just on the outside but on the inside as well.

Y/N inhaled deeply and looked up at him. “You creeper. Stop staring you’re making me nervous.”

He chuckled. “Aw, i still make you nervous?” He asked.

“Yes.” She rolled her eyes. She laughed when Spencer tugged her closer to him.

“I never thought I’d get this.”

The words came out of her mouth before she could even think. He furrowed his brows. “What?”

She closed her eyes for a moment. “I just… even with Jake, I never saw myself meeting a man like you, much less getting married.” She looked at him. “And now that I have you…” She pressed her lips together. “I really have no complaints in life. I think it’s perfect now.” She nodded.

“What’s perfect?” He asked.

She smiled. “Everything. My life. My life with you and Eloise. You’re perfect. It’s all perfect.”

Her words brought tears to his eyes. He never thought anyone would think of him as perfect. But now, he was married to that person. “You’re amazing.” He nodded. He sniffled and brought her hand up to kiss it and then he placed his hand on the Sid elf her face, leaning forward and kissing her sweetly.

She wiped a fallen tear with her thumb as they kissed and he smiled into it.

Yes, this was perfect.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

YALL I DID IT

First of all, hi loves! I missed you and I’m soooo sorry but the writers block was real for this one lmao

But, I’m trying to be back now that it’s summer! And guys, I’m a junior in college now!! And it was just my birthday so yay for me!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!

Love ya bunches ❤️❤️❤️

P.S: this is not the end! There are more to come 😉 let me know what else you want to see with the Reid’s!!

Taglist:

@tuesday-yellowxx

@blue-willows

@montarella

@criminallymagic

@mermateyepmatewithte

@lipstixstain

@urlovelydarling

@dreatine

@f-me-reid

@fantastic-fans

@aleyda5

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@creativeuser101

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@jacksonms31

@scorpiofangirl1109

@perseuswaves

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@s-udaku-my-love

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@fairy-alix

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@callsignwidow

@regulus-black-223048

@mushy-mushroom04

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@princess-ofthe-pages

@kenzi-woycehoski

[shijiujun]

WHY YOU CAN TRY WATCHING YUAN ZUI 原罪 Original Sin (2024)

Okay I've watched up to 20 episodes (out of 25 I think) and can say that this is a mild, low-level rec — just for people who MIGHT be interested in it, and don't have too much expectations on script etc. Off the cuff, it's very SCI-esque production but with slightly worse lines and acting (I'll explain later) BUT the filming visuals aren't bad, main characters are cute, and the cases objectively are pretty okay. My two cents is - if you're bored and looking to just pass the time, you could watch this, but if not, you won't be losing out on much either, but it's worth a try.

IN GENERAL

It passes as a detective drama - to be very fair, they've really tried their best to do a detective drama properly with the hints, the process, the autopsies, the high management police relations, some spy work, some vulnerabilities, some teamwork, some misunderstandings and arguments, some backstory and some PTSD < they've got all the makings of a good show, plus Wang Haoxuan and Chen Huan the two main leads are nice to look at, and their acting is passable.

Clunky script, lines and acting - Personally I think a lot of the lines were not necessary, and because you stuff like a scene out of place, there's like a lot of unnecessary emotion at strange places you wouldn't expect logically LOL. Some of the clues are also a bit ??? I mean I watch with a lot of suspension of disbelief trust me, but I found myself LOL-ing with a cringe at some places. A little overboard in acting also for the PTSD or like the cases that really affect the two male leads, like you can feel it's a tad over the top in terms of trying to get a feel for the scene, but I mean, like I said, low expectations.

If they had a better production and more episodes, I think this might have turned out to be 100% better. It's a hardcore detective drama, so much so that technically some character development scenes would have done it well but they're like almost overly focused on the detective parts of it and like relationships are all for show, but we'll make do.

SUMMARY

Dai Yu (played by Wang Haoxuan), a medical examiner, works closely with Zheng Ming (played by Chen Huan), a police squad captain to solve five cases (5 episodes per case) — they've known each other for a long time, as Zheng Ming's mentor is Dai Yu's dad, and their relationship goes way back. Between them is the death of Dai Yu's father, who was shot right in front of Dai Yu, and the death of Zheng Ming's best friend Hai Shan, who was exposed for his undercover role and shot to death by Zheng Ming by accident during a hostage situation. This results in Zheng Ming being unable to shoot a person after, afraid that he would miss his shot like he did. As they work through several cases, they unravel secrets of what happened in the years after these two deaths.

Total 25 episodes

Playing on iQIYI, but don't know if there are subs since it's so obscure as a production there's barely any promo of it online

BROTHERHOOD (AHEM)

Truly a brotherhood like as if they're allergic to bromance BUT there are really like split seconds where you have to do a double take OKAY! They're kind of close because Dai Yu's dad was Zheng Ming's mentor, but Dai Yu himself took a while to warm up to Zheng Ming and Zheng Ming is kinda hot-headed, and misunderstands people really quickly. The both of them switch between being real familiar with each other to super professional like SUPER professional.

EP. 1: Zheng Ming sends Dai Yu back but Dai Yu has fallen asleep in the car so he literally removes the seatbelt for Dai Yu and then they just fall asleep in the car like that.

EP. 6+7: Dai Yu has his own house but when he sleeps over at the police housing he rooms with Zheng Ming, and Zheng Ming always nags at him for sleeping with his shoes on. And always buys him breakfast. And when Dai Yu once again falls asleep while talking to Zheng Ming without taking his shoes off, Zheng Ming takes it off for him and is all like "There you go again, sleeping with your shoes on."

EP. 15: After having a cold war with each other for like 3 episodes, Dai Yu tags along on a bust without permission and nearly gets knifed and Zheng Ming is pissed off as fuck going like: "What if that blade really hit the mark?! If it was a gun, you'd also step right in front of it?!" and then he walks off and then Dai Yu says, "If it was you (in danger), I definitely would stand right in front of the gun."

There are a lot of other moments, but it's always just RIGHT when you think it could be a bromance moment NOPE they make it so professional I'm like BRUH!!!

But otherwise for me personally, who's a low-maintenance viewer, this hits the spot and I'd keep watching!! Edit: Just finished watching the whole thing and ARGH wow talk about the most abrupt cold-feeling ending ever LMAO?!!?!

[devouringbodies]

Hiiii I was wondering if you have a fic rec list 👉🏻👈🏻

Omg hi!!! I just went through my bookmarks and found some of my favorites!! Literally I had the hardest time narrowing down, I've got so many I love, also some I can't remember the Exact plot of that I'm sure I absolutely love and have just forgotten. So I definitely have more up my sleeve if anyone wants more. Head the tags for some of these.

The Enticement of Suffering by jonnimir - latest fic I just read, gory and sexy wound fucking coda to dolce. if you're into that it's SO GOOD

Not Quite Charity by @stranded-labyrinth - au first meeting between Will and Hannibal, hannibal leaves his car in a run down area of Baltimore and will, who's homeless, heckles him about it and Hannibal decides to pay him to watch it for him. I love this will sm!! It's a really interesting look at their dynamic, and is super in character and just a fun au study!!

Perda de memória by bleakmidwinter - amnesia!hannibal post fall fic. I'm actually a sucker for amnesia aus and love the angst in this. It adds an element to Will's struggle and decision making that makes his mindset post fall all the more interesting. And I love how much hannibal is still hannibal despite not remembering hardly anything.

Everything casts a shadow by @ghostforwhat - i looooove season 2 Will killing more people. I can't ever get enough of it. It's written so well and believably here, and the way it changes the course of the season is super fascinating. Currently a wip.

Wolf and I by t_pock - so so sooo fucking good. One of my favorites. It also has a Podfic as well and I love Podfics soo much and relisten to it often. Season 1 au that has more elements of horror, creepiness, symbolism and hands down the best, hottest, wildest forest chase sequence I've ever read. This fic feels more like a folk or fairy tale it's so good, especially paired with the beautiful art the podficer made, as well as the music they paired with the Podfic. Can't recommend this one enough.

A night off the record by barcharonte - season 1 au again, where on the way to Minnesota hannibal and will get snowed in and have to take shelter somewhere. Will is still losing time and hallucinating. Hannibal still tries to take advantage of course. Fun times to be had.

Between ease and foresight by devotional_doldrums - season 1 au (can you tell I like these? Lol) where wills and Hannibal's metaphorical conversations get a little too on the nose and Will finds out. SUPER good hannibal pov, I want to eat parts of this fic the writing is so good, and the author's notes are hilarious.

Sings to me nightly, sings to me brightly by serindrana - psychic connection phone sex what more could you want!!

The joy of creation by fkahersweetness - super dark mute!will post fall. I wouldn't say I think this is Actually how a post fall dynamic would be but in the universe of this fic it's so so sooo amazing. I love the surreality and implied shared visions/psychosis connection that will and Hannibal have here. Also the ending layed me tf out for days.

Radon and its daughters by @chaparral-crown - best most believable and realistic abo au ever. Nuff said.

Speaking of abo the one where Will smells like blood to hannibal, so good. I'll probably survive this by saintsavage

Pochée by ellopoppet - season 1 au! Also with a Podfic, Will's away on a case but is still getting closer to hannibal through texts and calls.

Mon chéri by sandyquinn - cracky Addams family au esque one shot. Just super cute and silly. I'm picky about my cute and silly but the Addams family morbidity fits comedy hannigram to a T.

Never let it starve by northern - another Will finds out in season 1, I truly can't get enough of these. Also bonus bug boy will!!!

Let the river rush in by several - Explores an actual psychic connection between the boys, again I'm a huge fan of this trope.

Hyacinth house by bluesyturtle - MY BELOVED!!!! One of my top top faves, season 1 au, cool cases, great relationship dynamic between the boys, and im obsessed with how this fic portrays Will's empathy and how it plays with his gender a bit. Love the story, love the ending. Also with Podfic!

Pattern break by thisbeautifuldrowning - dark Will au season 2 where he doesn't plot with Jack or go back to the fbi and deals with Hannibal himself. LOVE how this one plays out.

Bloodline by xzombiezkittenx - VAMPIRE AU MY LOVEEEEE this fic is an utter joy if you like vamp aus. The world building is great.

A consequence of consumption by ironlotus - straight up hands down my favorite fic in the fandom I think. It's still a wip, but it's one of the best characterizations, writing, plot, and just perfect outstanding everything I've seen in this fandom. It's an au where before all the events of season 1, Will is kidnapped by Eldon stamments and is kept alive and rescued eventually. It's peak "Will's milkshake brings all the serial killers to the yard" trope and the way everything is woven together, the storylines and character motivations, is just crazy good. Also one of my most favorite hannibal pov and characterizations out there.

Ok that was still a lot, I'm sorry if I missed tagging anyone, and hopefully the links all work!

[gvfgal]

Stretch You Out

Danny Wagner x reader

18+, minors keep it moving.

Warnings: explicit sexual content, slight Dom!Danny, fingering (f rec.), oral (f rec.), sort of?? pain kink (not what you think), lots of pet names, orgasm denial/ edging, Danny calls himself Daddy like once (guess he was feeling it idk), unprotected sex**, teaspoon of breeding kink (whoopsie daisy).

A/n: I originally intended for this to be a lot softer, but sometimes my brain doesn’t work that way… and so we end up with this!!! Also meant to have this out hours ago but I literally cannot function today. Better late than never though. ENJOY SOME KINKY SHOWER SEX WITH DANNY!!!🍭

Word Count: 2.4k

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

With legs that felt like spaghetti noodles, you flopped down onto your couch, groaning out in pain as the burn in your legs from the run you just completed raged on.

You were starting to believe that it was a mistake telling Danny that one of your New Year's Resolutions was to pick up your old hobby of running, should’ve kept it to yourself.

When you first made mention of it to him, you told him you wanted to ease yourself back into it. You hadn’t been on a proper run in almost 5 years, thanks to a busy college life, so you wouldn’t be able to hit the ground running like you used to.

Danny was more than excited to start the journey with you, he’d made mention plenty of times about you guys getting more active in the new year.

And so, every day since the new year had begun, Danny was dragging you up at the crack of dawn to run through your picturesque neighborhood, like some typical suburban couple.

The runs started off easy as he promised. One mile the first couple days, two the next few, but today, it was his grand idea to skip straight to four, his reason being that the first few days ‘weren’t challenging enough’.

You argued him down about it, though you knew he was right, the first couple days were a lot easier than you were expecting them to be.

However, four miles was quite the stretch. All morning as you got dressed, you tried to talk him out of it. But at the end of the day, and after a speech from Danny about perseverance and ‘pushing the limits you place on yourself’, you ran the four miles.

And now, you were paying for it.

“Oh come on baby, it wasn’t that bad! You did great, you should feel amazing.”

“Well I don’t,” you panted, snatching the water bottle that he was holding out to you, “I feel like shit. My legs feel like they’re gonna fall off.”

Danny smiled down at you as you glared over the top of your water bottle before plopping down on top of you, his long limbs spread every which way.

“Ugh Daniel, get off of me, you’re all sweaty.”

You tried unsuccessfully to shove him off of you, but your body was too weak to do so.

He chuckled at your futile attempts, “says the sweaty one.”

A squeal sounded out of you as he began rubbing his head against your exposed skin, smearing his sweat against you.

“You’re so gross,” you insulted through giggles, “move so I can get in the shower, please.”

His hand found your waist, squeezing it as his tongue curled over your earlobe.

“Care for some company?”

You shuddered at the sultry tone of his voice, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you.

He took the invitation and let his tongue continue to trail down your neck, where he placed a lingering kiss.

But you were still in the mood to tease, “no company for me, thanks.”

Danny smirked as his hands continued to wander, pulling at the elastic waistband of your leggings, “oh come on baby, it’ll be nice. You can let me rub all over that pretty body, let the water hit your skin… I can fix it where it hurts, baby. Wherever you need it.”

Your hand found the low bun in his hair, yanking his head back so he was looking you in the eye.

He hissed at the sensation, but when you saw him bite his lip, you tightened your grip a little more.

“You wanna make me feel better, Danny?”

He nodded, breathing a hot puff of air against your chest as you lowered his head.

His hands began groping your chest through your sports bra, and you moved to kiss his forehead.

“Lift up,” he instructs, sitting up off you to allow you to do so.

As you rose, Danny began pulling your sports bra up over your head, lifting your hands to help.

Once it was off, his hands found your chest again, kneeding your breasts.

He placed a peck on your lips before lowering his head to suck in your right nipple.

A breathy moan escaped you, and you pulled him flush to your body.

His tongue was hot as he licked along the tender nub, his teeth briefly nipping it, causing you to jump.

When you moaned again, he lifted you off the ground, grabbing up your thighs to wrap around his waist.

Effortlessly as ever, he carried you up the staircase to the master bathroom, setting you on the counter before attacking you with desperate kisses again.

He squeezed your thighs, and you hissed at the dull ache that you felt from their soreness.

“I know baby,” Danny nodded against your forehead, “I’m gonna make it all better I promise.”

He pulled away from you, going to turn the shower on, setting the temp nice and hot just like you liked it.

As he crossed back over to you, he shed his shirt and jogging pants, now only in his briefs.

You followed his movements and pulled your leggings off, revealing your light blue seamless underwear.

Danny stood between your legs and began massaging your thighs, you sighed as you threw your arms over his shoulder.

“Feel good, my love,” he asked as he looked over your face.

“Yeah,” you exhaled, “really good.”

He massaged for a while longer as the steam from the shower began to fill the bathroom.

Slowly, his hand began to travel inwards, towards your wet center.

You weren’t sure why the feeling of him working your aching muscles had you throbbing the way it did, but neither you or Danny seemed to have any complaints about it.

His fingers dipped into your underwear and collected some of your slick, and you reached forward and grasped onto his bulging erection.

Danny inhaled sharply, “see how hard that pussy makes me? I love when you get all wet for me like this,” he jutted his hips forward to rub against your hand, “especially when I’ve barely touched you yet.”

He licked his fingers clean before reaching back down and sending two of them plunging into your clenching hole, a loud groan escaping your throat.

“Fuckkkkk Danny,” you threw your head back against the mirror as he continued pumping his fingers in and out of you, gathering your wetness every once in a while to make an even bigger mess.

You allowed him to continue fucking himself against your hand, at some point having shed his briefs.

He was panting loudly, every once in a while letting out a grunt that was purely primal.

When he added a third finger, you crumpled in his hold, your head falling against his shoulder.

“Feels like you’re gonna cum, are you gonna cum my love?”

He was speaking sweetly, but his actions were pure assault, his fingers entering you at a rapid pace that has you pinned back against the bathroom mirror.

When you didn't answer him, his hand shot up to clutch your throat pulling you to look directly in his eyes, “answer me. Is that pretty little pussy gonna cum for me?”

“Yes, oh my god yes,” you shouted as you clawed along his back, his hips still thrusting his cock into your hand, “yes I’m gonna cum Danny.”

You saw it coming, but you were still shocked when he removed his fingers from your heat before you could finish.

Dropping your hand, from his pulsing cock, you cowered away from him onto the counter.

“What happened to taking care of me,” you whimpered.

Danny smiled gently as he hooked his fingers around your underwear and worked them off your legs.

“No need to pout baby,” he tsked as he scooped you up bridal style, “I said I was gonna do it, just on my own time.”

Once inside the sauna of a shower, he lowered you onto your feet, but kept a secure hold around your waist, knowing that between your intense run and even more intense session on the counter, you were in no position to stand comfortably on your own.

You allowed Danny to support your body as you threw your head back to let the fiery droplets of water sting your skin.

It was a good sting though, inviting.

When your entire body was glistening with water, Danny turned to sit you on the tiled shower seat, allowing his own body to be rained down on.

Your eyes were wild as he stood before you in all his naked glory, no shame in the way his hard cock was bobbing just inches from your face.

The water followed the perfectly carved paths of his body. Down the cut muscles of his arms, the valley of his chest muscles, mazing its way through the curvature of his toned stomach, and leaving dew drops on his happy trail.

He had let his hair out of his bun and allowed the water to run over his frizzy curls, in no time making them tame, the damp locks clinging to his broad shoulders.

It was quite the appealing scene before you. You felt as if you could watch it on replay like some cinematic masterpiece.

Danny raises his hands to signal for you to spread your legs, muttering a simple, “up.”

You placed the heels of your feet on the bench, knees hiked up near your head, on full display for him.

The position was a bit uncomfortable due to your soreness, and Danny could see it all over your face.

He gave you a sympathetic look, although there was a hint of teasing to it as well.

“I know it hurts my love, but you gotta stretch those tense muscles,” he kneeled before you and pushed back on your legs, causing them to strain a bit more, “can you do that? Can you stretch for me baby?”

You hissed through your teeth, but mostly from the fact that you were so turned on with the way his stare was piercing into you.

“Yes sir,” you exhaled, rubbing your tits in your hands.

Danny lowered his head and kissed your exposed cunt with adoration, then wrapped his lips around your clit, suckling it slowly.

You moaned loudly on contact, gripping your chest harder and pinching your nipples between your fingers.

“Fuckkkkk yes Danny,” you sobbed out, scooting down on the bench to gain more pressure.

His focus remained solely on your clit, switching between his tongue and his lips to show it different types of attention. Using your sounds as measurement, he quickened and slowed his pace based on your reactions.

All the while, his hands were working along your legs, massaging the tension out of your muscles.

The combined sensations were sending you head first into an earth shattering orgasm.

“I’m gonna cum, Danny. Can I please,” you were a stuttering mess, but you did your best to look down at him with sad doe eyes.

He caught your look, and removed his mouth from your clit, “Awh baby look at you so gorgeous. But I need you to hold it for me, doll. I have one more way I wanna stretch you out, okay? Then you can show Daddy how pretty you cum.”

Without waiting for you to reply, for the third time that day, he lifted you up, pinning your body against the cool shower tiles. He lifted your legs to wrap securely around his waist, and used his other hand to sink himself into you.

Danny sucked in the moan you produced, before releasing one of his own, followed by a long drawn out, “fuucckkk.”

His strokes were steady as he dropped his head to your chest, licking along the top of your breasts.

“Perfect tight little pussy,” he grunted, lifting and lowering your body to meet his upwards thrusts.

“You love it don't you,” you mewled to him, sounding as if you were in control. Bug honestly, you were unraveling, and unraveling quickly after two denied orgasms.

He sped up now, hitting your sensitive spot sloppily as his grip on your hips tightened, “I do love it baby, I love stretching you out.”

More moans continued to spill as you clawed away at his back, the warm streams of water hitting your bodies adding to the obscene wet sounds that you and Danny were producing.

“Please Danny, I can’t hold it, I need to cum. I need to cum now,” you were absolutely breathless and desperate, yet you were still obedient, waiting for his approval before letting yourself go.

“You need it, my love?” he teased, biting harshly on your neck, “how bad?”

“So- fuck, so bad. Danny please, baby.”

He growled against your neck, biting over the same spot again, this time making you shout.

Readjusting your bodies, Danny wrapped one single arm around you, moving his free hand to rub quick circles on your aching clit.

You knew then, from the way his eyes were boring into, and the rapid pace of his fingers and hips, that was Danny’s way of telling you to let go.

I mean, with how he was doing your body, how could you not?

It hit you just as your head fell back against the tile. A flash of a white light that took over all your senses briefly, before pulling you through the end like you were traveling through a wind tunnel.

Your walls clenched around Danny, and with no warning, he began shooting hot spurts into you, costing your walls.

He continued thrusting, fuck his release and your release back into you.

“So fucking full. Feel that, how full you are,” he was whispering in your ear as he released the last of his load.

You let out one final dramatic moan as Danny slowed to a stop, loosening his grip on you.

After you regained control of your breath, you allowed your feet to hit the ground, gripping Danny’s arm in support.

“You’re gonna have to take it easy the rest of the day baby,” he instructed as he grabbed your loofah and body soap and began to lather it against your body.

You sighed at the relaxing feeling, “well it wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for you and your so called ‘helping’.”

He turned you to face away from him, scrubbing your back, “oh come on, you know it felt good. It was a good kind of burn.”

It was, but you wouldn’t tell him that.

“Whatever, you owe me a proper massage once we’re done here.”

Danny gripped your ass firmly in his hand, “I can do that,” his voice then lowered, “and maybe a round two?”

You smirked, “maybe.”

[enluv]

any enhypen writer recs?

literally saur many!! (going to tag a few but if you look through my following almost all of them are enha writers)

@blue-jisungs @ddeonuism @dazed-hee @enaus @flwrshee @goldenhypen @hoonvrs @haerinz @invuwrld @imhuh @iijwon @kazmura @reivrze @tnyhees @tyunni @yeosljin @hoonvrs @cybrwon @junityy @wvnkoi

those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head but as I said just check my following and you’ll find some amazing enha writers there !!

[parvuls]

I saw several people wondering how to participate in this bingo event. so this is how it goes: you look through your recs, you fill out the card, and... you post it 😉

to make this even more interesting, every author that gets tagged in a bingo card is now challenged to fill their own. I said what I said.

---

main character is a side character to fail better by orphan this is an unusual rec for me since the main character is camilla collins, and the main relationship explored here is jack/camilla. but really, I adore it because it's a rare example of an outsider pov on jack through the eyes of someone who likes him, and maybe sees more of him than he know. there's something very sad about jack at this point of his story, but his and canilla's awkward attempts to make something real of what they almost have are really endearing. plus: even if jack didn't fall in love with camilla, I definitely did.

still a WIP Increasing Engagement by always1895 I have a problem of hoarding WIPs and occasionally checking on them like I'm waiting for them to return from the war. this is one of those WIPs. there are two things I can never turn down, and those are social media fics and an enemies to lovers arc. just know my ass is sat down for whenever this fic is finished, and yours should be too. (*) if anyone knows the author's tumblr handle, please tag them!

short fic Patient as Pie by @edgarallanrose no fluff hits quite as hard as zimbits fluff. this short fic has jack being needy and affectionate and domestic, and it just makes me warm and gooey inside whenever I read it. which, you know, is often.

inspired you to write Two Things Only by @thewesternredcedar I'm going old school with this one, because whenever I think of a fic that inspires me I think of the summer I read this fic six times to get through my own fic. this may be in my top ten favorite fics of all time. it has endless amounts of pining, hilarity, silliness, and to top it all off, it's set during my favorite time to read about: right after graduation and before Y3. it does such a good job of nailing that jack and bitty essence that I just can't help coming back to it for inspiration.

bookmarked recently (...ish) say my name (and call me a liar) by @weneedtotalkaboutfic it may be cheating to rec a fic that was written for you, but uh, I don't care. this fic just hits all the right spots. it's smart, it's funny, it's mysterious, it's sexy, it's emotional. it has both super slow-burn and whatever the opposite of that is, thanks to a wonderful two-person-love-triangle. and if that's not enough, the real star of this fic is jack zimmermann and the journey of his sexuality and his happiness, which just blew me away.

BONUS: canon divergence But this place still stands, this place remains unchanged by @doggernaut I already have my bingo but I have more to rec, so. this fic is a really fun glimpse into a future that could've been, and it's supported by a wonderful ensemble cast (of both canon characters and realistic-feeling OCs). this fic made me laugh out loud and clutch my chest, and even though I knew where the story is headed, I couldn't wait to arrive there with it.

BONUS: isn't on AO3 lighthouse au by @appalamutte this is one of those tumblr snippets I wish I could will into becoming a full fic. just that one scene, along with the bonus background, made me fall instantly in love. historical au's can be hit or miss for me, but this was so unique and so intriguing, and (as already established) I can't resist a good enemies to lovers action.

BONUS: FREE here you come again by @ivecarvedawoodenheart honestly, no one rips my heart out of my chest quite like syd does. the first time I read this I was too emotional to think thoughts, but the second (and third, and fourth) I was just like: tell me everything about this. immediately. the phrasing lives in my head rent free? this short fic literally does.