#this is like... the most Russian book I've ever read

[akiraofthefour]

"The boy looked slyly somewhere to the side and asked: 'And where are you, ma'am?' 'I'm nowhere,' answered Margarita, 'I'm your dream.' 'I thought so,' said the boy. 'Lie down now,' Margarita ordered, 'put your hand under your cheek, and I'll go on being your dream.'"

Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

[stevesbipanic]

Steve's only 25 when it all catches up to him.

It starts off small, things people wouldn't even be able to tell is an early sign of something wrong. Misplacing keys, forgetting which day he has his shifts, what time he's supposed to get Robin. Robin notices though.

Robin knows Steve always keeps his keys on the hook next to Eddie's by the front door, that's where he always finds them, he's not misplacing the keys, he's forgetting the hook exists.

Robin knows Steve has the same shifts every week, they never change because they line up with Eddie's at the record store nearby. Robin knows Steve isn't forgetting what time he's supposed to pick Robin up, he's forgetting Robin moved away a few months ago after she graduated college.

Robin keeps noticing when the kids start calling her because the little things are becoming big things.

Robin notices when Dustin calls and tells her Steve thought he and Suzie were back together, "Like how crazy is that we broke up two years ago, I don't think I've even mentioned her lately."

Robin notices when Lucas calls and tells her Steve asked when his next game was, "The season ended months ago, he came to the finals."

Robin notices when Max calls and whispers softly, "He asked to take me to the skatepark, Robin, I told him I had to help mum. He's forgotten I'm blind Robin."

Robin wished she'd noticed sooner, maybe years ago when Steve was getting knocked around a lot. She wished she'd screamed in the face of those Russians to take her instead. She wished a lot of things when Eddie called her.

"He's in hospital, Birdie, he collapsed at work."

Robin is back in Chicago for the first time since she graduated. She wished she'd visited sooner.

"Do you think the feds are gonna let me go soon, Robbie? I mean it usually doesn't take this long for them to bring me the NDAs."

Robin hopes Steve doesn't notice her eyes going glossy as she runs her fingers through his hair, "Don't worry Stevie, I'm sure they'll be in soon, Dusty is probs just arguing over something in his."

"At least he isn't having to explain he raised a demodog. Did I ever tell you about that Robbie?"

Robin smiles softly, "Yeah but tell me again, don't want to forget any of it."

Eddie gives Robin the gist of what the doctors said, Eddie didn't understand much, a lot of technical words and shit. Too many concussions, more than they knew about most likely. They say it'll probably get worse with no timeframe of how quickly it'll happen, there might be good days, there will be a lot of bad days.

The first bad day comes a week later. Steve barely remembers Eddie, trapped in a time when Eddie was just the kids DM. Eddie sobs in the corridor in Robin's arms. The next day it's like nothing happened and Steve gets discharged. They tell Steve, this time Eddie is the one to comfort him.

"I don't want to forget you Eds."

"It's okay if you do, sweetheart, I'll still be here."

It's Robins idea to start writing everything down. Eddie, Nancy and the kids all help. Filling journals upon journals of stories and pictures of Steve's life to help on the bad days. Steve has to quit his job, Robin moves back to Chicago, they make it work.

On bad days depending on how far back Steve is Dustin or Robin or Eddie will read through the books with him, filling in the gaps of what he needs. On the worst days, Eddie leaves the pile of journals on the bed with a note and waits downstairs to see if Steve will join him later.

They make it work for a few years. Steve celebrates his 30th birthday with perfect clarity. He writes himself an entry in the journal next to a big group picture with Steve and Eddie's matching rings showing.

That July, over a decade since Starcourt, Steve is in hospital again. He'd collapsed at breakfast. Eddie had thought it was going to be one of their good days, Steve had woken up fine, all his memories in tact if a little fuzzy. He'd made them coffee and giggled at Eddie's singing while he made them eggs and just like that it all came crashing down.

Steve's brain is shutting down. They don't know if he'll make it past Christmas. There's more bad days after that. More days with books left on the bed. Most days Steve doesn't even come downstairs. On the good days, Eddie always calls off work. He'd rather be fired than miss a single second of Steve smiling at him like he does, so full of love.

They have Christmas, the whole family comes, they have to bring every chair from around the house and squish in around the table just to fit but it's perfect. Steve sits between Robin and Eddie, face bright and full of love and life. Everyone gives him the tightest hug as the night closes, all lingering, afraid of letting go.

"I love you, dingus."

"I love you too, Robbie."

Later, upstairs in their room, Steve and Eddie go through all the journals, laughing softly at each little note the kids have left. Steve writes his little journal entry, a tradition of good days, and curls into Eddie's arm whispering soft loving words to each other before falling asleep.

Steve never wakes up.

The funeral happens shortly after, all of the family is still in town. Robin holds Eddie afterwards as they go through the journals together. When they get to the last page, they struggle not to smudge the ink with their tears.

Dear Eds and Robbie,

I don't know how many more good days I'm going to get so I'm leaving this here for you now. I love you both so much, you're equally my soulmates and I want you two to look after each other while I'm gone.

Robs, go travelling with Nancy, ok? Thank you for looking after me all these years but it's time for you to go look after yourself. Go see the world for me, tell me all about it wherever I am when you get back.

Eddie, I'm sorry we didn't get as much time as we hoped, I hope you know that even just a day with you has been worth a lifetime with anyone else. Go follow your dreams, write music, perform, show the world how amazing I know you are. I give you full permission to fall in love with whoever you meet along the way, I don't want either of you guys to be alone.

Thank you for giving me a life worth remembering.

Your Dingus,

Stevie

[inklessletter]

Since I can't draw tonight, here's a steddie prompt for you:

Steve runs away from home once he becomes eighteen because his home environment is absolutely toxic. It's all yelling, and spitting insults, and constantly hearing that he is such a disappointment, so he decides to hit the road and go some city away from everyone he knows and just start over. His trauma response to loud, aggressive spaces leads him to accept a job managing a school library.

And he finds out it is his dream job.

He sees all these teens studying, sharing glances, romances beginning, stress increasing as midterms come closer, annoyed faces, giggling girls gossiping, kids vandalizing his tables... And he feels an observant. A watcher.

And he imagines. He imagines their lives, the tall jock with the widest smile going soft for the sarcastic redhead. The quiet thing blossoming between tose two boys who give longing glances when the other is not looking. The oddest friendship between the meanest eleven year old he's ever met and the most cynical kid to ever set foot in that school. He sees and he imagines, but he's silent.

Because silence is a precious shield that protects his imagination. Silence will never hurt him.

His first real friendship begins in silence. This girl, Robin, passes him a note with a poor drawing of him falling asleep on his desk. It made him laugh. She laughed too. That was enough.

They play this game together in which they both exchanged the craziest theories they could think of about other people's lives.

That one is a Russian spy.

That one runs a secret lab.

That one has mind powers (okay, that was maybe too crazy).

That one is an former cop.

"That one is a rockstar," Robin said pointing an absurdly good looking guy that was checking out a couple of books.

"He does looks like one, though..."

Robin was going to reply when she noticed Steve's rosy cheeks. She just smiled. She noticed the guy looking briefly at them, and then he grinned.

"Metal is more my scene, but close enough," he said.

Shit.

The guy approached them and Robin, the traitor, bolted away. The guy, all dimples and soft hair lent Steve two books and his library card (Munson, Eddie), that he registered and gave back to him.

Steve tried hard not to be an awkward mess, he barely managed to.

"I do actually play in a band, uh, on Tuesdays," Eddie said. Steve looked at him with a twist in his stomach. "And today is Tuesday. So if you want to come, I would gladly buy you a drink."

Steve felt a lump in his throat, and looked down.

"Uh, I—I don't—"

"Oh, sorry, I just—"

"I don't do well with loud noises," Steve said quickly. "I'm sorry."

Eddie nodded.

"Good luck tonight," Steve said, not wanting to leave the conversation in a rejection. He pointed the book. "This one is really good."

"Have you read The Lord of the Rings?"

"Yeah," Steve smiled. "I've got time and silence here."

Eddie looked at him with something hidden in his pupils meant to be discovered by Steve.

Eddie left the library.

There were a few days and a lot of conversations with Robin about that Eddie guy. Steve let himself imagine again, about him. About Eddie. He fantasized a lot, ignoring deliberately the sting in his guts knowing that he blew up his chance.

Two weeks passed and Eddie was there to return the books again, with a small guitar case hanging in his back, and Steve tried his best not to look like a kicked puppy.

"I can do soft noises," Eddie said, out of the blue. It earned him a look from both Robin and Steve. "When do you, uh, have a break?"

"Right now," Robin chimed in, quickly. "He's having a break right now."

A few minutes later they were in the rooftop. They found a comfortable spot with the best views and Eddie took out an old and battered ukulele. Then he looked at Steve.

"I am not a silent person. I exist in noise, and busy environments, and awful high pitched laughs," he said with a smile. "I can't change that, but I can change the noise."

Eddie caressed the tiny guitar strings, and the sound sent goosebumps through all Steve's skin.

"I can change the noise for you," Eddie said, low and soft, and he started playing a song. "If you let me."

His first real love began with music.

[veliseraptor]

Top 5 nonfiction books?

like. ever? damn, anon, asking the hard questions. this is based mostly on my current bookshelf, largely because it's the best basis I have for my memory

1. Splintered Light by Verlyn Flieger. This book changed the way I thought about Tolkien and The Silmarillion especially, and heavily informed my thesis (indirectly, mostly). I have been...less than impressed with most of Flieger's work I've read since, but this book has stuck with me.

2. Black Earth by Timothy Snyder. Incredibly upsetting book, very good. It's about World War II and the Holocaust, but more specifically about the way that the creation of stateless zones enables atrocities. I really like Snyder's work in general but this probably remains my favorite of his - although The Road to Unfreedom is also very good, as is Bloodlands.

3. Why Fish Don't Exist by Lulu Miller. I have such a hard time pitching this book to people because I don't really know how to summarize it. It's sort of a memoir and sort of a biography and sort of a science book and sort of...a lot of things. But it is all gorgeous and moving and compelling. I sniffled.

4. The Future Is History by Masha Gessen. I know relatively little about Russian history (I'm ashamed to admit) and this book was my first foray and boy was it a good one. I love Masha Gessen as a historian and this was just a deeply compelling look at recent history through the lens of a few different specific individuals. I still need to buy this book, actually. It's not even on my shelf and I still remember it.

5. The Chaos Machine by Max Fisher. This book fucked me up. I read most of it in about two days and a friend of mine told me "congratulations! you have discovered the reading equivalent of doomscrolling." It was also very, very good, and a damning indictment of the role major social media companies have played in shaping the social and political world of the past decade or so.

[flowersforzoe11]

my favorite thing about the Alex Rider fandom is that the author and the actual fandom have extremely opinions on characters.

FOR EXAMPLE:

-AHorz realized he killed off the greatest character in his series way too soon (yassen<3) and proceeded to not only write Russian Roulette (which was not only the decades of lore we all needed BUT it was quite simply a love letter to Yassen Gregorovich) but also actively chose not to kill him off during the tv series (i'm still on S1 so no spoilers but i know that Yassen lives)

-the fandom loves us some K Unit, and what does AHorz do??? he brings back my glorious Ben Daniels for Snakehead and makes him a recurring character

-i feel like a lot of fanfic has a very softer/humanized version of Mrs. Jones. Jones is absolutely culpable for everything Alex goes through, but i feel like she's more human in most fics i've ever read, and AHorz definitely softens her up as he further develops her character (would love other opinions on this take)

i'm sure there's pieces i missed, but in hindsight it's extremely funny how much the earlier AR fic was to the later books in the series (team yassen always)

[perfectwitchcrown]

Allusions in Make the Exorcist Fall in Love

So far in Make the Exorcist Fall in Love there’s been a lot of allusions to various texts. I thought it might be fun to compile all the ones people have noticed so far as far as I've seen. Some of these are more speculative than others and I will update as I go along. Also, I read Ekuoto as free first read chapters on Mangaplus so unfortunately I can’t go back and check much so this is largely through memory, so if anyone has anything else to add I would greatly appreciate it! All I’ve got is a few screenshots and a dream. If I get anything wrong feel free to correct me! I’ve organized this in order of allusions I’m confident about to allusions I’m less so confident about.

CW: reference to sexual violence

Dante's Divine Comedy and Vita Nuova: Dante Alighieri

This one is pretty obvious since there are characters directly named after the characters figured in Dante’s Inferno. It’s been a long time since I read it, but other details are also taken from the text, such as the frozen center of hell where Satan is located.

Lmao Leah from the Bible (who is probably Leah’s namesake) also shows up in Dante’s Divine Comedy apparently in Purgatorio.

Ok also super important to Dante retellings r Beatrice, who’s used as a symbol of divine love and is instrumental to Dante's journey through hell, purgatory, and paradise, so of course Ekuoto Dante advises Priest to fall in love lmao. So far though there hasn’t been a direct Beatrice in narrative (which there might never be one since the text has already made the Dante-Virgil connection an active choice of Virgilius's to reference the Divine Comedy rather than just an allusion by the author).

To be so real though I figure that Vergilius is probably also intended to be the Beatrice in this narrative.

The points I would draw attention in support of this would be these: 1. Beatrice is the woman who Dante has been in love with since early childhood but unable to ever be with because they both married others. Ekuoto Virgilius and Dante have known each other since childhood, and have something going on. 2. Beatrice is, like Virgil, one of Dante’s guides (through part of purgatorio and paradiso) 3. We still don’t know what Virgilius’s name was before he took that one on. Beatrice does not have a masculine form in current use and I tried finding some sort of nickname that would work and was unable to do so. However. Beatrice’s name is rendered in Japanese as ベアトリーチェ, and Beato is at least a surname. Then again, I’m not sure anyone has both a first name and last name except for Imuri so far???

"Book of Tobit"

I wasn’t familiar w this one so I didn’t notice it until I saw posts pointing it out, but the Asmodeus flashback was a retelling of the book of Tobit. Other people have already done analysis of this so I’d recommend checking other’s out. Unfortunately I failed to save the link to any of them so I can’t pass any along :’) Belfagor arcidiavolo: Machiavelli

Another one that I wasn’t familiar with but have seen people referencing. As above, I recommend checking out other’s analysis. "Those Who Walk Away from Omelas": Ursula K. Le Guin

The Brothers Karamazov: Fyodor Dostoevsky

Ok major spoilers and I also highly recommend this book, but also, its super long so I don’t blame anyone who chooses not to read. This book is about the most disgusting father alive and his three, maybe four, sons: Dimitri, Ivan, Alyosha, and maybe Smerdyakov (rumored to be an illegitimate son). Most of the action follows Alyosha, who is the youngest and probably the most idealistic character in the novel, at least in the beginning. Alyosha starts out as a novice in the local Russian Orthodox monastery under the purview of Father Zossima, an elder who really emphasizes love in religious practice. There's a series of chapters that cover a theological debate between Ivan and Alyosha.

In this theological debate, Ivan is arguing not that God doesn’t exist, but that the foundation of the world as understood by Christianity is something he fundamentally rejects.

Quotations from the Signet Classics edition:

“I don’t accept this world of God’s. Although I know it exists, I don’t accept it at all. It’s not that I don’t accept God, you must understand, it’s the world created by Him I don’t and cannot accept” (Dostoevsky 266) - “If all must suffer to pay for eternal harmony, what have children to do with it?....I understand solidarity in sin among men. I understand solidarity in retribution too; but there can be no such solidarity with children. And if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their father’s crimes, such a truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension” (Dostoevsky 276)

“Imagine that you are creating a fabric of human destiny with the object of making men happy in the end, giving them peace and rest at last. Imagine you are doing this but that it is essential and inevitable to torture to death only one tiny creature—that child beating its breast with its fist, for instance—in order to found that edifice on its unavenged tears. Would you consent to be the architect on those conditions?” (This quotation, although from a different translation, is the one that inspired Omelas - I think the bowling alley theological discussion between Virgilius and Priest bears some similarities to this conversation. Its not a debate about the existence of god, but rather a debate whether or not the world envisioned by Christianity is inherently unjust or not. Demian: Hermann Hesse

“The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas”

Potential references but tbh they’re a bit of a stretch:

“Book of Martha”: Octavia Butler

"Book of Martha" is an Octavia Butler short story in the Bloodchild collection about an ordinary woman who is visited by god one day who tells her to choose one thing to change about people to try and make the world a better place. It’s a very short read and I’d recommend reading it before you read the next sentence where I’ll spoil the end.

She eventually decides that the thing to focus on is people’s dreams. Specifically, to give them the things they desire most within their dreams, in the hope that people will be less violent to each other in real life. A stretch, but Octavia Butler comes from similar recommendation circles as Ursula K. Le Guin (feminist science fiction authors with overlapping periods of activity) so I don’t think it’s impossible for the most recent chapters' use of dreams to hold some sort of inspiration from this short story. Again, this one is a pretty big stretch, as the idea of dreams to escape reality is pretty common.

The Monk: Matthew Lewis

Ok! So! Demon seduces a person is like not at all an original story (The Daemon Lover, Cazotte’s The Devil in Love, etc etc). BUT! The Monk is specifically a story that’s like. What if there was this extremely virtuous young man who has never lived in the outside world ever because he was raised in the church as an orphan and then the devil sent a demon girl to seduce him.

I have not finished the book yet so I can’t comment in depth on it other than to say the concept is similar but the execution so far is very different (It's a fairly misogynistic text. Ambrosio turns evil in ways that I doubt Priest will because thematically they’d go completely against the story. Also, The Monk is veryyy lurid in terms of Lust is Evil!!! And will turn you into a murdering maniac!!!! Because evil women are out there seducing you!!! Whereas so far sexual desire in Ekuoto has been handled as a perfectly natural thing, but complicated by religion, patriarchy, trauma, etc.)

This is all I have so far but I'd be interested to see if anyone else has any other ideas!

[zzoupz]

when it comes to the Isan region, does the average Thai person care whether or not they side with Laos or Thailand? due to the past wars, it seems like the people of the Korat plateau have their own identity—yet from books I read, many of the younger generations feel stuck whether claiming to be “Thai” or “Lao” and in doing so only speak central Thai.

another question is are all the Russians and Chinese people in Thailand all that bad like how the media portrays them? ex: defecating in public, pushing and shoving, public drunken fights, etc. whether you’ve personally dealt them or not, do you ever wish they either not visit all together or just be very cautious and respectful of local life? 

(I think) my final question is about westernized Thais. While many foreigners visit Thailand for either cultural reasons, religious, retiring, food, sex tourism, surgeries, etc., there are many westernized Thais who have moved/visited Thailand. do you think natives sees them as lesser than or as another foreigner? are they treated differently despite having mannerisms appearance, mindset, etc. that’s more associated with the west?

hi, thanks for the questions

I may not be the best person to ask this bc I'm a Chinese descendant who grew up in central Thailand all my life haha. I can say at least from my friends they don't really care, they are just Isan and consider themselves Thai bc they are born in Thailand (and vice versa). They speak central Thai to people from other places only bc that's the universal one (as other regions also do). I don't think they have to pick a "side" considering we're not in a conflict. idk I've never heard of that before.

I've not had bad experiences with them personally. I've heard it's bad in tourist spots but that's just typical tourist behavior (hell most of the time it's USAmerican tourists that gets in trouble). So not as much as they're portrayed but they DO do that. And yes I hope they still visit but be more respectful, not just Russians and Chinese but everyone

I have an aunt who moved to USA to be a professor for about 10 years before coming back, and I can guarantee they're not treated any differently, they'll always be Thai. If anything people praise and envies them for having the money/opportunity to move aboard haha

hope those were good enough answers ! :]

[sreidsville]

stockholm syndrome – spencelle.

"all my life i've been on my own, i use a light to guide me home, but now, together, we're alone, and there's no other place i'd ever wanna go"

summary: where reid and the team are in a bar, and he's jealous of a guy who keeps talking to elle, that's when he realizes that he needs to confess his feelings over her.

disclaimers: there're a few bad words, drinking insinuation and derogatory thoughts.

trope: fluffy, friends to lovers!

n/a: this is my first time writing and publishing a fic in english and english is not my first language so please take it easy and if you think there's something i can improve, let me know pls :)

divider by cafekitsune | wc: 1.8k

Jealous. That's the word, Spencer is jealous. He never felt this way before, and knowing that he's feeling this weird thing over his best friend only makes it worse.

Elle is beautiful, the most beautiful woman in the whole world to Spencer – and not only to him, since on the other side of the bar there's a guy completely interested in her. That makes Reid's mind start to focus just on them. In the way the guy is holding her hand and talking about her eyes… It's too much for him.

It was Derek's idea, Spencer didn't want to go there, but the whole team was excited to have some fun after a long case, and if he didn't go… Well, what was he going to do then? Re-read all the books he got? Rewatch his favorite Russian movie? Study? Sleep? Nothing seemed as good as spending a few hours with his friends, but now…

Now he started to regret it. And it's not just about the bar, it's about him not telling his real feelings over Elle. He always thought that he could ruin their friendship, but seeing that woman with another man would ruin him.

She's smiling, drinking some whiskey, and she's gorgeous wearing a red shirt that is Spencer's favorite. Staring at her is like staring at a new universe that Spencer wants desperately to discover, but is too scared to do it.

While he's standing alone at the counter, a thought crosses his mind almost at the speed of light. It's scary, but true. It's so true that it gives him headaches. If he doesn't take action, he will lose Elle. He'll lose her for another man. It may sound a little bit melodramatic, but… It's the reality. The bottle of sparkling water in his hands doesn't seem enough anymore. He looks around and sees Derek with a girl at the dance floor, having fun. Penelope and JJ are talking and laughing while drinking cocktails. And he is there… Alone. He's almost always alone, reading and drinking coffee at his own company, and has been like this since he was a kid. But the first time he saw Elle, he didn't feel that way. She's the one who lets him talk about statistics without complaining, the one that gives him beautiful smiles with dimples, the one who truly understands him, the one that makes him feel safe and… Loved. She's the one who he cares most about after his mother. And he can't lose her without trying to confess his feelings, he just can't, he's sure about it like he's sure he needs oxygen to breathe.

He kept this secret for himself for so long that now…

“Excuse me, can I have a drink?” he asked the barman, without really thinking about it, otherwise he was going to give up.

There were so many options that he felt lost, but in the end, he had chosen a simple cocktail. It has to be enough, he needs to do something.

Elle was bored, extremely bored. The guy with blonde hair and brown eyes keeps talking about his favorite football team and the way his exes hated him for talking about it all the time – these girls were right, Elle is also starting to hate him – but she keeps trying to be sympathetic…

“You know what? My exes were bitches…” the guy said, drinking his whiskey, making Elle raise an eyebrow. “They didn't even know how to pleasure me when… You know. But I think I've found the one who completes me…”

Elle couldn't contain herself from giving him a smile of disbelief. Did he just say what she thinks he did? Oh god, he's such a dick! It’s always a man…

“Oh, really?” she asks, softly, raising her gaze to his eyes “Do you wanna know what I think about it?” She gets close to his ear, seeing the way he smiles – she hates this type of man so much that she could kick his balls now, but instead of that, she says “I think your exes did the right thing when they left you. No woman deserves a guy who doesn't even know how to have a conversation without looking like a teenager desperate for sex… You should try to act like a man next time”

“What the…?” he whispered, but Elle gave him a smile and left, without saying anything else.

She looks around, looking for the one she knows that can make her night better. The one who she can talk to all day without feeling discomfort, the one who makes her feel worth it, the one who always praise her. And she found him at the counter, drinking alone. She walks to him, sitting by his side, but he don't seem to notice until she talks.

“How are you doing?”

“Hm? Oh, hi, Elle.” he looks a little disoriented.

Spencer is used to spend a long time lost in his owns thoughs and insecurities. Sometimes is hard to think about something else when all you see is your reflection at the mirror looking like all you didn't want to be. He wish he knew how to talk about this things… He wish a lot of things. And Elle knows that. She knows him better than anyone, that's why she gives him a soft smile.

"What do you have in mind, hm?” She looks so pretty under the golden light that Spencer almost forgets to answer.

“It's nothing, really. Just… bullshit.”

She rolls her eyes back, and stare at him again, almost like she’s asking if he's serious.

“I'm just… I'm feeling weird…” he confess, the first thing that came through his mind.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I want to, I just… I don't know how to talk about it, you know? I know a lot of things, a lot of words, even in different languages, but I don't know how to express myself. That's so stupid.”

He gives a weak laugh, as if he's making fun of himself, and Elle hates when he does this. He have been always like that, makes jokes about himself as if it hurts less, when in fact, it makes him feel worse, just so someone else doesn't do it first.

“Reid, just don't. Don't do that, ok?” she asks, staring at his face.

“Do what?”

“Hate yourself. Don't do that. You're always looking out for others, trying to understand them, but when it comes to yourself, you just don't take it easy. You forget to take care of yourself, and that... that destroys me. Seeing you like this, pretending to be fine.” she sight, and take his hand, holding them together. “So, be honest, just for now, ok? What do you really want to do?”

Spencer looks at their hands, together, and feel his heartbeat going faster. Be honest… that's all he needs to do now, be honest with him, with Elle.

“I wanna get out of here. Can we take a walk, please?”

She smiles, proud of him.

“You don't have to ask twice, let's go.”

Outside the bar, the wind is present, ruffling Elle’s and Spencer’s hair. The woman wears an overcoat over her shirt and crosses her bras over her chest, trying to keep warm. Reid puts his hands in his pants pockets, taking a deep breath. For a long time, they just keep walking side by side, they have this thing, words don't need to be said for them to understand each other.

They walk to a park. The stars and moon are part of the beautiful landscape around Spencer and Elle. Everything’s calm, comfortable, and remains that way when Reid signals for them to sit together on a bench. For a few minutes, they stay like this, until Spencer starts talking.

“Elle…?”

“Yes?”

“All my life I've been on my own… My mother didn't know how to take care of me after my dad left us. And I… I was alone most of the time. I had no idea about what a normal life was, I never felt normal, until-” he stops for a second, trying to work up the courage to say the next words.

Elle notices, and keeps silent waiting for him, just staring at his pretty side profile, and his expressions.

“Until…?”

“Until I met you. When I'm around you, I feel normal. I feel like nothing else matters, like I could live a normal life… And you make me want it. I wanna be normal with you.”

Spencer finally stares at the woman by his side. He looks at the way her hair looks pretty under the moonlight, at how she's smiling, looking at him, like he’s… hers. Like she's finally sure about something that he was trying to hide. But as the time passes by, he feels more nervous, and forgets the possibility of her silence being something good.

“I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't… I…”

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

“Sometimes, you forget about the fact that you can be loved. And sometimes, you forget how much I like you” she says, her intense gaze in Reid’s eyes “Spence… I wanna be normal with you too.”

1…2…3… And he keeps staring at Elle like she's not real, like all the things she said are not real, like this is not real. Feels like a fever dream.

“W-what?”

She laughs, a genuine laugh, which makes her dimples appear and her eyes close. Reid don't understand what's so funny. People used to make fun of him, but somehow, he knows that Elle is not laughing at him.

“God, Spencer… You're adorable. Your ears are red now, did you know? It's cute, I like it.” she says softly, smiling at him, and he does the same, shyly.

“But I-I don't understand…”

“What you don't understand?”

“How can you like me.”

She looks at him like she's mesmerized, she needs him to believe in all the things she have told him during the years they spend together. In his eyes she can see his insecurities, and she wants desperately to tell him she loves all of him, and that she understands him.

“Spencer, there's a few things that we can't explain. I just do… What I just told you? You can be loved, baby, I want you to believe me when I tell you that, ok?”

The next thing Reid had time to notice was Elle's hand on his face, her soft skin, and then her lips on his. Returning her kiss was as automatic as breathing, it's easy, and it's perfect. If they keep it like this, Spencer will never even think about leaving someday. She got him tied down. And he can't think about something else that it's not this moment.

Nothing else matters, just they both, kissing under moonlight, loving each other, and he hopes it's forever and ever, because now, now he knows everything. He knows that she loves him, and now he's sure of his own fellings, finally. And that's enough for them.

[rottingbricks]

3000+ Word Rant On Why Boris and Theo Are Endgame and Had a Romantic Connection ✯

Forever and always will believe Theo and Boris are soulmates and they got married and lived their life together. (Maybe that's too much. Let me just explain why they have a very deep relationship)

Where do I start? So for one Boris was Theo's first kiss and sexual partner. They had a deep connection, felt safe with one another, and were practically inseparable. It's explained that Boris basically lived with Theo and was hardly ever at his own house. They also looked out for each other, Theo cleaned Boris' wounds after being beaten by his father and Boris comforted Theo on the loss of his mother —Here's a quote from the book; "And I suppose if either of us had lived in an even halfway normal household, with curfews and chores and adult supervision, we wouldn't have become quite so inseparable, so fast, but almost from that day we were together all the time.” (Tartt, chapter 5, section 12)

WHY THEO LIKES BORIS (YOUNGER) Everything is great between Theo and Boris but when Boris meets a girl: Kotku, it all goes to shit. But the way Theo responds to it is very telling. First off, Theo reflects on good moments with Boris after Boris got so wrapped up with Kotku; “I told myself I didn't miss him, but I did. I got stoned alone, watched Adult Access and the Playboy channel, read Grapes of Wrath and The House of the Seven Gables which seemed as if they had to be tied for the most boring book ever written, and what felt like thousands of hours—time enough to learn Danish or play the guitar if I've been trying—fooled around in the street with a fucked-up skateboard Boris and I had found in one of the foreclosed houses down the block. I went to swim-team parties with Hadley—no drinking parties with parents present—and on the weekends, attended parents-away parties of kids I barely knew, Xanax bars and Jagermeister shots, riding home on the hissing CAT bus at two a.m. so fucked up I had to hold the seat in the front of me to keep from falling out in the aisle. After school, if I was bored, it was easy enough to go hang out with one of the big lackadaisical stoner crowds who floated around between Del Taco and the kiddie arcades on the Strip. But I was still lonely. It was Boris I missed, the whole impulsive mess of him: gloomy, reckless, hot-tempered, appallingly thoughtless. Boris pale and pasty, with his shoplifted apples and his Russian language novels, gnawed-down fingernails and shoelaces dragging in the dust. Boris—budding alcoholic, fluent cursor in four languages—who snatched food from my plate when he felt like it and nodded off drunk on the floor, face red like he'd been slapped. Even when he took things without asking, as he all too frequently did—little things are always disappearing, DVDs and school supplies for my locker, more than once I'd caught him going through my pockets for money—his own possessions meant so little to him that somehow it wasn't stealing; whenever he came into cash himself, he split it with me down the middle and anything that belonged to him, he gave me gladly if I asked for it. (and sometimes when I didn't, as when Mr. Pavlovsky’s gold lighter, which I admired in passing, turned up in the outside pocket of my backpack)” (Tartt, chapter 6, section 4)

Theo took note that Boris was very physically touchy and that it made him a little bit nervous; “The funny thing: I’d worried if anything, that Boris was the one who was a little too affectionate, if affectionate is the right word. The first time he’d turned in bed and draped an arm over my waist, I lay there half-asleep for a moment, not knowing what to do: staring at my old socks on the floor, empty beer bottles, my paper-backed copy of The Red Badge of Courage. At last—embarrassed—I faked a yawn and tried to roll away, but instead, he sighed and pulled me closer, with a sleepy, snuggling motion. Ssh, Potter, he whispered, into the back of my neck. Is only me.” (Tartt, chapter 6, section 4) Then, Theo has a little gay panic — because of Boris being so affectionate; “It was weird. Was it weird? It was; and it wasnt. I’d fallen back to sleep shortly after, lulled by his bitter, beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear. I was aware I couldn't explain it without making it sound like more than it was.” (Tartt) Near the end, Theo tries to play it off that what was happening between the two wasnt romantic, If Theo wasnt thinking of Boris in a romantic way why would he even be written to question or worry that they could come off in such a way? The fact Theo is worrying about it so much can only lead me to believe that Theo does think of Boris in a romantic light and is trying to deny it. Theo continues to explain ways Boris was affectionate towards him, further deepening the connection between the two of them; “On nights I woke strangled with fear there he was, catching me when I startled up terrified from the bed, pulling me back down in the covers beside him, muttering in nonsense Polish, his voice throaty and strange with sleep. We’d drowse off in each other's arms, listening to music from my Ipod.”

Then, the final nail in the coffin, Theo recalls the nights when he and Boris would partake in closer intimacy; “And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light sliding in from the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kicked-over beers foaming on the carpet—fun and not that big of a deal when it was actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything;” (Tartt) Afterwards, Theo mentions Boris and him never spoke of those nights, and that if people found out they were having sex they would; “think the wrong thing if they knew,”. However, Theo thought about those strange nights a lot and they clouded his mind at times, but, for Boris, it didn't seem like that. Theo notes Boris seemed unbothered by those nights; “But all the same he [Boris] seemed so completely untroubled by it that I was fairly sure it was just a laugh, nothing to take too seriously or get worked up about,” (Tartt) Since Theo uses multiple ways to get the ‘it's not a big deal’ point across. Saying it was a laugh, not serious, nothing to get worked up over, and uses all that when he's just going off of how Boris thinks and reacts to those nights. It can make the reader think that Theo, in contrast, does think of those nights in a serious, worked-up way. To further prove my point Theo was urged to discuss those nights with Boris, so he didn't ‘have the wrong idea’; “More than once, I had wondered if I should step up my nerve and say something: draw some sort of line, make things clear, just to make absolutely sure he didn't have the wrong idea.” (Tartt) Theo gets defensive over the thought of those nights, more importantly, the thought that Boris viewed those nights as something more, something romantic. This is even further pushing my earlier statement that a person who sees these moments as not romantic wouldn't be written to be worrying that it is romantic or that the other person sees it as romantic. So the fact Theo is worrying so greatly that these nights could even possibly be interpreted as romantic (especially when Boris isn't doing the same) can only have me further believing that it's because Theos is trying to deny or block out the actual romantic feelings he is having. Theo is so obsessive on this romantic or not topic that it comes off like Theo has a fear of becoming an orientation that he believes he isn't and that bleeds into internalized homophobia. Theo ends off this recall moment by stating; “I hated how much I missed him.” (Tartt)

There's another moment when Theo is thinking about how Boris is constantly around Kotku and hardly ever with Theo anymore. Theo tries to reassure himself; “But who cared what crappy girl Boris liked? Weren’t we still friends? Brothers practically?” (Tartt) Theo says he and Boris have a brother-like companionship, this, out of context is weird to use to prove my point that they are romantic. But considering all the context provided above this can once again be Theo trying to find an excuse to prove to himself that he and Boris aren't romantic. It's also obvious they aren't brotherly because the two are litterally having sex. In addition to this, right after that quote Theo admits; “Then again: there was not exactly a word for Boris and me.” (Tartt)

Finally, when Theo leaves Vegas he is rambling, trying to convince Boris to come with him, when; “I was still babbling when Boris said: “Potter.” Before I could answer him he put both hands on my face and kissed me on the mouth.” Shortly after. Once Theo is in the taxi he thinks to himself and admits to himself; “I'd stop myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I’d never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you.” (Tartt, chapter 6, section 19)

WHY BORIS LIKES THEO (YOUNGER) All the content that is romantic between Theo and Boris is most of the time, if not always, initiated by Boris. Boris was the one who draped his arm around Theo, Boris was the one who pulled Theo closer when he rolled away, Boris was the one who cuddled Theo, Boris was the one who calmed Theo down from nightmares, Boris is the one who kissed Theo on the mouth while he had a girlfriend. Undoubtedly, all these things are romantic. Especially since these moments are told through Theo's perspective, who is interpreting these things as romantic, which rubs off on the reader.

When Theo is leaving Vegas and getting in the taxi, Boris hums the song "After Hours" by The Velvet Underground which is a band Theo and Boris listened to together. He hums a specific part of the song where the lyrics sing; "But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again" My interpretation of those lyrics in the scene’s context is: “But if you close the door” = If Theo doesnt leave Vegas. Correspondingly, those lyrics about closing a door means closing the door is giving privacy and leaving the character alone with someone they love. Another thing to mention, before those lyrics take place these lyrics are in the song; "Oh, someday, I know someone will look into my eyes and say, 'Hello, you're my very special one'" All of this feels very intentional. When songs and SPECIFIC lyrics are mentioned in novels it's always to convey something and those lyrics are just very romantic and are also about whether the character is going to choose to be alone or be with someone. Considering the lyrics are hummed by Boris right when Theo is leaving him is very telling. It's also to convey that Boris is debating whether to leave with Theo or not.

Everything I just mentioned was the Vegas era when they were teenagers, I will now discuss when they are adults.

WHY THEO AND BORIS JUST MAKE SENSE (OLDER) Now that Theo has lived and been with more people than Boris I will break down Theo's love interests and explain why they aren't good for Theo and why Boris ends up being the best outcome.

KITSEY: Kitsey is Theo's fiance whom Theo cheating on while Kitsey is also cheating on him. Theo is having affairs and hookups with pretty much random women. Kitsey is having an affair with Tom Cable, an old fake friend of Theo's who was the reason why Theo and his mother were leaving the house the day of the bombing. Once Theo witnesses the two kissing in secret he confronts Kitsey, this ends with Kitsey gaslighting Theo to stay in the relationship for the happiness of Mrs. Barbour rather than themselves. Kitsey also admits their ‘love’ has always been head not heart, that they get along well but neither is in love with the other.

PIPPA: Pippa was another victim in the bombing in lost her uncle, this led to her and Theo crossing paths as young teenagers. Finding comfort within shared traumatic experiences. As they grow older Theo begins to romanticize her. Although it's not love, it's more of an obsession if anything. Theo obsesses and overly plans their meetups making sure they are perfect, Theo shows mild jealousy and irritation to Evveret: Pippa's boyfriend, Theo keeps a shirt of Pippa’s without her knowledge, and as creepily as it is..Theo has a lock of Pippa's hair that he took from a trashcan after Pippa cut her bangs in the bathroom. Theo eventually confesses his love for Pippa in a downtown restaurant after seeing a film. He tries to reason that Welty, Pippa's uncle who she lost in the bombing—put Theo exactly where he needed to be at the right time with WHO he needed to be with (aka Pippa and Hobie). Pippa eases Theo into rejection, however, she admits she has a thing for him as well. She begins to explain reasons why the two of them cannot be together: With their shared trauma..if one of them ‘fell’ the other would go right with them as there is no emotional stability between the two, one cannot be there for the other if they can't even support themselves. They are close enough to star-crossed lovers: lovers who are destined to not be together being pulled from one another by outside forces.

If Theo can't have Pippa and doesnt want Kitsey it's reasonable to conclude that Boris is a valid romantic option for Theo. When the two reunite Theo feels alive again after living a boring tucked-away life. He's laughing and enjoying every second with Boris.

BORIS: After years of separation and keeping a secret from Theo news reports come out about how The Goldfinch painting was not ruined in the bombing and is being used as collateral. Boris is under the impression Theo has already unwrapped The Goldfinch years ago and found out what Boris did. With the rise of these news reports guilt rises in Boris that he took the painting from Theo and ended up losing the painting. Boris has a hint that Theo would not want to see Boris ever again and even wants to act violently against Boris for taking the painting from Theo, however, Boris is aware that he must try to fix what he’s done. So, he goes to New York and goes to Hobie's old shop, seeking Theo. When Theo isn't there to be found Boris is sure he’ll never see Theo again, but they happen to run into each other later in the night outside a bar. They then spend the night till 4am talking and catching up. Theo admits in college he took a conversational Russian class because it made him think of Boris. Boris admits Theo was the only boy he's ever been in bed with—but brushes it off as they were desperate teenagers in need of girls..but that doesnt make sense as Boris has a girlfriend, Kyoto- and he was talking to girls before her too. He wasnt partaking in sex with Theo out of desperation for pleasure by any means. -- Boris then says he thinks that Theo thought their relationship back then was ‘something else’, after saying this Theo gets upset and begins to leave the table. Within this mix, Boris apologizes for what he did to Theo all those years ago and he deeply regrets it, Theo is confused about what he is speaking about and Boris is shocked that after all these years he’s never unwrapped the painting. Leaving Boris to admit what he did with the painting with picture proof. Boris wants to apologize to Theo and attempt to find the painting— for Theo.

In the hunt to regain the painting, Boris interrupts Theo and Kitsey's engagement party to take Theo onto a flight to Amsterdam. After some bickering..Theo agrees and says goodbye to Kisey and packs his bags with a nice suit and lots of money. — Boris arranges a meetup with the holders of the painting, but the sellers seem suspicious as they are missing one of their men and one of the men gets away after Boris and his crew pull guns on the men. — Boris and Theo successfully retrieve the painting, Boris taking note of how Theo has his bird once again — But when returning to the parking garage to leave the two men who were absent earlier and one new man arrive with guns pointed, two of these men are killed by Theo and Boris but one man gets away with the painting — The next few days Theo is sent into a deep depression in his hotel room….however this ends differently varying from book to movie. In the book, Theo is urged to turn himself in to the police for murder … In the movie, Theo goes through with a suicide attempt by overdose but is forced to throw up the drugs later by Boris. Both versions end with Boris interrupting, calming Theo down, and telling the good news that he tracked the painting down in a house holding many more missing paintings and he sent in an anonymous tip to the police on these paintings and their location. Boris splits the reward money between his crew, Theo, and himself.

Boris makes a good partner to Theo as they get along, have a close history, make each other feel alive, know the do's and dont's / in's and out's of each other, show each other unconditional care, left a big positive impact on each others lives, and both share a deep love for art and beauty.

[docholligay]

I didn't watch this show for a long time because I was so annoyed that they made Louis Black, and I also couldn't say that was why i refused to watch it, because I come off, saying that, like a fucking weirdo.

I am sure some of you in the audience are saying to yourselves, "Yeah Doc, it does kind of surprise me that you were apparently clamoring for Louis to be white. It seems more or less unlike you." Let me explain. Read to the end.

So, Interview With the Vampire is Anne Rice working through some shit, and it's also the only book of hers I would actually maybe argue is good. At the very least, I will argue that she is doing things within that novel, that she never does in any of her others, at least nothing I've ever read as a committed Vampire Chronicles reader.

Louis is her stand-in. Louis is Anne. And because Anne is the least hinged writer on the planet, Louis cannot do anything wrong, fucking ever. Nothing is ever Louis' fault, Louis' life is a tragedy, everyone feel bad for Louis Du Fucking Pointe Du Lac.

Obviously, I had no particular love lost for Louis. BUT, because she was a southerner writing in the 70s, of course Louis' tragic story is that he was a plantation owner, and she does a couple interesting things with that in the novel. You may recognize this as something that a modern audience will not accept. Instant villain. You could write damn near anything you wanted about Louis and he would still be a villain, as a slaveowner.

When I saw that they were going to change it so he was not a slaveowner, and not only that, he was Black, for me it was just another link in the chain of Rice's construction of Saint Louis Whomst We Must Never Accuse. Easily my least favorite part of the books, and she does put the screws to him a TINY bit in later books, but not really in a serious way, and she doesn't really want you interrogating the narrative that way either.

I didn't watch the show. I did not need more Blameless Louis in my life.

Fast forward to season two. Friend of mine watches the show, and given that we have a close enough relationship that I knew she would take the statement in good faith, I told her why I couldn't watch it.

"You should try it, I think you'd be pleasantly surprised" She said.

I WAS SO DELIGHTED TO BE PROVEN INCORRECT. IT DOES A VERY GOOD JOB.

Don't get me wrong, i think there is some very boring fandom stuff about "Who is the villain here" and if I were to say what my greatest frustration with the recent popularity of this is, it would easily be that there are a bunch of people who have never read the books, and so they don't realize that everyone in these books is terrible. Every time you think you've met the most fucked up, worst one, another, shittier one comes out of the shadows like the world's most fucked up Russian doll.

But the SHOW itself, very much lets you take the position that Louis sucks, actually, which ironically makes me more likely to give him some rope. If I am allowed to think he is annoying, and a hypocrite, I am more likely to enjoy him for the fun things about him, as well and even feel for him. I would have delved a little deeper into his being an asshole, and very selfish in a lot of ways, but I don't think the show does a poor job, I think I just have my preferences.

Love being proven wrong about something!

[moonschocolate]

Tom Riddle headcanons!!

because lately i've been thinking about this tragic little human <3

tw: mention of torture as a topic

first of all I wanted to clarify that in this there's no Voldemort, no interest in practicing dark magic, just a teen who goes to Hogwarts soo... :)

proud slytherin. no matter how much other people can say 'slytherin = bad' he just doesn't care, he will not argue with you if you think or say that cause he will find it pointless

I don't now where I read this, but if I'll find it I will tag the person who said this before me: he has autism!!

which means he is not a very social person, and he has little/no friends

and he is deeply attached to an object/topic

the topic in question is dark magic

he doesnt want to practice it, he just finds the whole thing interesting

which deeply concerns professors

he knows everything. about horcruxes, the three unforgivable curses, origin and all

he simply thinks that knowledge is knowledge

IF HE READS?!?! OH DAMN

i strongly believe he has one hell of a library in his dorm

the most dramatic myths ever? knows them

he's just a nerd

read books about t0rture, c0mmunism, n@zism, because knowledge is knowledge

also reads light books of course i dont want to scare you

maths is not his thing

like yes he's good at it but he doesnt really care

did i say hes dramatic?

and an absolute pessimist

since i do not believe that his hair is like that just because it is, he HAS to have a hair routine (DROP IT TOM)

has an infinite collection of bookmarks

no person is allowed to touch his books

doesnt write on books even with pencils

listens to DRAMATIC classical music

EXAMPLE

(also y'all have to teach me how to put spotify songs with the blue rectangle cuz i dont have a clue on how)

JUST THE START

Idk it reminds me of him (and regulus but this is not about him)

this goes against the fact that he's dramatic, but i think that in a relationship he would be a good-old fashioned lover boy

flowers, love letters, POEMS, kissing in the rain, handing you his jacket when you're cold

and of course he wears suits

NOT a sports kid

mf doesn't know a single sport

he just learned how to swim

that's it

is defo the kind of person who is SOSOSOSOSO SKINNY

He's skeptical af on food

like i believe he's a picky eater

and i dont think he eats a lot

like he will go through the day with some coffees, some water, breakfast and a snack in the afternoon

is always gentle doing anything

when he's mad he's even more mad that he can't throw anything because then he would be even more angry that it got broken

has NO PHYSICAL FORCE AT ALL

Like his arms are spaghetti

im sorry but imo he's short

like 1.70 cm (5'5''-5'6'')

which is not really short

I CANT SEE HIM AS A TALL BEING

will not admit it but hates the sea

like as long as he can reach with his feet the "land" below then it's no problem

if he can't he'll try to act cool and say he's tired and immediately get out of the sea

it gives him a sense of pure confusion because he doesnt know what he could run into

which annoys him

because when he cant know something it hurts him physically emotionally psychologically

he knows plenty of languages

english, french, latin, russian and german

why?

because it's cool

also knows how to play the piano and the flute and the viola

"never judge a book by its cover" he does exactly the opposite

especially with books he judges the book by the cover, if he likes the cover he'll like the book too

and people can gain his interest only at first sight

he hates how lots of people can easily change their opinions as long as their group/loved ones have a different opinion

or how people always follow the crowd

people who judge mudbloods just because they're mudbloods are too stupid for him

i think we all know that he is THE teachers' pet

he's the Hermione of his generation

which means that while there are plenty of people with their hands raised the only one who will be listened to is tom

is a MANIAC in cleaning

his bed and his overall room is always tidy af

he hates getting his uniform dirty

he has plenty of nightmares about his past

which he never talks about with anyone

is the kind of person to have 4 or 5 cats

he is absolutely quiet

i got a strong feeling that this man was bullied before hogwarts at the orphanage

he has a cute little stuffed animal in really bad shape which he has from his years at the orphanage and it's hidden at the end of his wardrobe

he strongly despises children because he doesn't have a clue how to deal with them

acts like he has patience

lacks patience

in a modern au, the only thing he'd have going to school would be a black pen

not because he didnt care or was too lazy to get other things but because he didnt find having 3985729947 pens and highliters necessary

dada would be boring for him because out of curiosity he would've already learned most of the spells or wtv

i dont remember if i said it but quidditch is NOT something he likes

or just flying on a broom in general

(remus lupin behavior)

(I had to say it)

studying consists in him burying his face in the books for like 4 or 5 hours straight (my man has some serious issues)

you could tell im completely delusional because he became a killer and nothing's good-old fashioned lover boy about canon him but oh well🥰

[igotanidea]

Scrooge : Jason Todd x reader

Christmas bingo day 16: Scrooge

"What are you reading?"

She had quite a day at work. End of the year were always full of dealing with overdue stuff once everyone figured how many thing should be finished before Christmas. And she couldn't really hide the annoyance at her coworkers trying to get her to do their jobs and the tiredness at all that.

But once she walked through the door and saw Jason on the bed, looking all relaxed, happy, healthy and not bleeding or injured all that was left miles away. It was strangely comforting knowing that he felt enough peace to just indulge in a book and let his guards down while being at her their apartment.

She kicked off her shoes, hung her coat and snuggled next to his warmth ready to be pampered, even if that only meant as little as some cuddles.

"Christmas classics. The Christmas carol" he murmured not tearing his gaze from the story, which didn't stop him from wrapping an arm around her running fingers through her hair.

"Once a Dickens fan, always a Dickens fan" she smiled enjoying his touch and the feeling she was at home whenever he was around. "At what point are you?"

"the ghost of future Christmas"

"so you're almost finishing. How could you read a whole book without me?!"

"not sorry princess. Had to think." He put the book down looking into her eyes with an expression that was a mix of love, vulnerability and something she couldn't quite decipher.

"hey." It was impossible to not get alarmed. Y/n knew Jason ling enough to catch up when something was wrong. And this was it. "Jason." In a blink of an eye she was in a cross legged position sitting next to him, entwining their fingers, squeezing them reassuringly "Jason, talk to me baby. What's going on in your head?"

Asking Jason Todd to share his feelings and emotions was a russian roulette. It could backfire, turn him into a frenzy and become the reason of his walls going up preventing her from ever climbing them and reaching out. It could make him break down, turn into a mess of unhealed trauma, reliving the past and swimming in the sea of regret and misery. Or- it could make him open up, even if only a little, and actually talk to her, which was the outcome she was hoping for.

And that was why she was caressing his palm in a soft, soothing motion doing her best to show him she was not going to hurt him, she loved him and it was okay to get emotional. Despite all that time they have been together, Jason still needed reassurance he was not a burden or a pathetic mess.

That he was human and it was the most human thing to need to be be loved and accepted.

"y/n..." He stuttered a little before lunging forward and encompassing her in the tightest, most loving hug ever. Almost crushing her in the process since sometimes he was unaware of his own strength.

"im here. I'm here it's okay, talk to me" she hugged him back, knowing he was deep in some memories and needed grounding. Clearly her soothing voice and gentle touch free of any fear or urgency worked miracles on him.

"when I died and was relieved -" he shuddered

"we don't have to talk about that baby-"

"please just listen to me" he pulled back looking straight into her eyes for a moment before getting scared of showing too much and lowered his gaze. "When I died and was relieved, i always felt lonely-"

"i know"

"no matter how many lifes I've saved, how many bloody dirty deeds I finalised for greater purpose, I never felt good."

"Jason -"

"please just listen to me" he pleaded with a teary voice. "I never stopped to think about what I was loosing and how estranged I was. Bruce-" Jason shook his head, the memory of what his adoptive father did to him "I was like a Scrooge."

" what do you mean?" She frowned in a bit of confusion, not seeing the parallel. "It's not like you were hating Christmas or anything..."

"not just Christmas. Life itself."

"what?!" She almost jumped at those words. Now that was new. He never told her that and it took a lot of strength to not freak out straight away. A lot, when her first instinct was to grab his shoulders and demand answers immediately.

So she took a deep breath calming herself and giving him the most peaceful and loving gaze she could produce given the circumstances.

"do you still?" She smiled lightly cupping his cheek begging for him to say no.

He shook his head.

"not since I got you in my life. You make me want to be better."

"as cliché as that sounds" she chuckled before stopping herself, wishing it won't deter him and make him shut her out again. Luckily he only smirked.

"as cliché as that sounds" he repeated stroking her hair "and even if its not working most of the times"

"im so glad you're aware of your shortcomings"

"its not like you're letting me forget sunshine."

"you can count on me in that matter babe" she tilted her head in a funny way "feeling better now?"

"you just make it so easy you know" he shifted position leaning on the headboard and pulling her close so that her head was laying on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. One of the most visible sign of trust and vulnerability, letting her so close to him "making everything better. Brighter. For years I was scared I would die alone with no one even noticing or caring, and then you showed up and turned it all around." His warm breath hit her face, his whispers ringing in her ear. "I love you. I don't ever want to loose you."

"And it was the story that made you realise it?" She chuckled kissing his shoulders in a loving gesture.

"not only. But it definitely helped" he grinned, running fingers up and down her side, punching her waist causing her to let out a gasp.

Thank you Charles Dickens!" her soft, happy laugh was quickly muffled as Jason pulled her towards a kiss that seemed to be neverending and drowned all his sorrows and worries about the potential future Christmases.

He was not going to get a visit of three ghosts.

He didn't need them.

Not as long as she was his Christmas miracle.

[cecilysass]

20 Questions for 20 Writers

tagged by @baronessblixen and @randomfoggytiger

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 24

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 364,789

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files, although sometimes I have thoughts.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Chicken Dinner, Pause, The Kaleidoscope, The Boy on the Beach, The Marriage Spectacular

5. Do you respond to comments? Not every time. I do in bursts. I feel guilty if I respond to some and not others, so sometimes I just respond to none, especially if it's a long story and I'm posting chapters everyday. I wish it were otherwise, because I sincerely do like engaging with comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I've answered this question before, and I think I decided it was either (1) Opposition and Synthesis, which is a post-Requiem fic that no one has read, written between season 7 and 8, on Gossamer or (2) Ice Water, which was a fic I wrote for an exchange, also beginning of season 8, which is on AO3. Both of them have the same source of angst, which is the season 8 overall angst: missing Mulder.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of my fics have happy endings. I do try not to sew things up too tightly--I prefer to keep it a little open-ended, with the possibility that things could still be complicated, because I guess that feels more real to me. And more in universe, I suppose.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not very often. Sometimes. There was someone recently on a fic who went on a rant about me hating Mulder, but it mostly made me laugh. (Y'all. Let me assure you. This girl does not hate Mulder. She is a ridiculous Mulder champion.) I haven't been that upset by hate on my fics. I've been more upset by seeing hate on other people's.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have. It's always a struggle for me, possibly because I'm not a super visually oriented person. I have betas who help me with this a lot, and I'm grateful to them. I do tend to want smut to feel organic to the story; I don't like when it feels tacked on. (Although listen, I don't judge anyone who wants that either; fanfic is for fun lol.)

10. Do you write crossovers? No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Someone asked me if they could translate one of my fics to Russian once. I assume that happened.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet, but mulling that over with some co-authors now.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Mulder and Scully. Sometimes I admit I will also read some Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have many WIPs. Maybe 8-10. I don't post WIPs any more because that experience is too stressful for me; I prefer to wait until the whole thing is done and post then.

16. What are your writing strengths? I revise and rewrite a lot. Dialogue. I used to think I was bad at plotting, but I'm getting better.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I get certain phrases and words in my head and keep reusing them without thinking about it. Then my beta makes fun of me for saying "scowl" 150 times in one chapter. Also, I struggle with visualizing a space and how characters are moving in it. My betas are always like: "What side of the table is he sitting on?" "Where is her leg?" "Is she on the side of the couch with the fish tank or no?" I don't think of these things very well naturally.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? All of my fic is in English, my first and best (by far) language. I would never write in another language unless I had a native speaker willing to help me with this. I included a few lines of Spanish in one fic, but I double and triple checked that. (And it was almost nothing! )

19. First fandom you wrote for? X-Files, unless you count things I wrote as a kid about books.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? This is hard, but I do love Boy on the Beach, which I researched quite a bit and very carefully plotted out. I also like We're Not Here To Talk About Personal Problems, which was the first fic I wrote for an exchange, an X-Cops post-ep, and really felt like me getting back into new fic.

Randomfoggytiger's additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

A hobby, but also kind of a way of life, as it's tangential to how I make money, and it's always something I've done regularly.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

Is this what I prefer? Clean, completed manuscript then. I don't like paper journals at all, so while I do have notes, they're only in Google Docs.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

I don't have a specific event, person, or work of art. I will say I think I am influenced by having had some training writing for the stage. I often write dialogue first and then fill in everything else around it. And I think about plays I've read or seen a lot when I write.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

First draft. I revise a lot. And I'm an amazing singer, or at least I am so far as you know.

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

I feel like I should say yes, but no, not that I can remember specifically.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

364,789 - Am I satisfied? I don't know. Do I win something at a particular number? Assuming no, the number doesn't really matter to me. I would be sad if I never posted anything again though, because I enjoy it.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? I really loved From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler when I was a kid.

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? I've received such generous feedback on my fic of every kind, and honestly I could never hope to say which kind was the best. I'm grateful for that. I will say that someone told me on Pause that my D.C. geography was spot on, and I was really thrilled about that, since I spent quite a bit of time "driving" from Georgetown to Alexandria on Google Maps / Street View to see what it would be like.

10. What defines your writing style?

Dialogue. Angst. I don't know. What else? It's hard for me to see!

Tagging: @phillippadgettwrites @atths--twice

[endlessmusings1801]

WIP Wednesday

I'm working on an unnamed story that is the kinkiest thing I've ever written. I've never been a part of the kink community so I hope I do it justice.

It's heavily inspired by @steddieas-shegoes Call me sunshine, send me to space , @mojowitchcraft and @arimakes Late Bloomers and @cuips-not-cute Blinking Red Light.

Here's a snippet:

A few weeks ago, Eddie hesitantly suggested the two of them try something different, something he read about in magazines and heard about in some of the more colorful clubs in Indianapolis. Eddie had experimented with the dynamic once or twice and he thought it might help Steve get out of his head. They'd try it and if it didn't work for Steve, they never have to do it again. 

Eddie explained that he would take control and Steve would submit to his will completely. Steve didn't have to make any decisions, just let Eddie lead him. It wouldn't be always, only sometimes when they wanted to play.  Almost like their own private role playing game. Eddie thought it would help quiet the thoughts in Steve's mind and help him actually relax. At this point, Steve was game to try anything that might help and he trusted Eddie completely. 

So, they had a little “research” trip to a shop in Indianapolis that Eddie had heard about. Eddie chatted with the owner, Steve hung back slightly embarrassed. But they got some good information, some resources and were able to come up with a plan. They came up with safe words: scoops for Steve and brandywine for Eddie. And agreed the color system seemed reasonable. They discussed their hard no’s. Both agreed with Steve's history of concussions no hitting above the belly button. Steve didn't love the idea of being restrained after his run in with the Russians. Eddie didn't want to be mean, controlling and firm but never mean. They were both excited to see where this would lead them. 

The first time, Eddie just simply told Steve to lay with his head in Eddie's lap and not move while Eddie read a book for 30 minutes. If Steve moved or made a noise, there would be consequences. It was hard, hard not to fidget or let his mind go to the bad places. Steve had to focus on being still, being quiet, on the feel of Eddie under him or his hands on his hair.  Steve immediately loved it, giving up control to the person he trusted most. 

Steve realized how badly he wanted to please the other man and be good for him. The world got smaller and  his only focus was doing what Eddie wanted him to. That first time, he didn’t go completely cloudy but it took the edge off. 

They've been  playing  with that dynamic for a while, Eddie taking control, telling Steve what to do both in bed and in certain things in life. Some days, they repeated the first experiment, going for longer times. Some days, Eddie picked out his clothes. Some days, he came home and Eddie was grinning and whisked him away to the bedroom. 

Eddie came  up with consequences if his demands weren't followed. Honestly, sometimes Steve was purposely bratty and bitchy just to see what the consequences were. He couldn't help himself. Eddie loved bitchy, bossy Steve. Steve found he liked being spanked, edged and manhandled. And,  he liked Eddie being in touch with that side of himself too. The shift in Eddie's tone, his body language, Eddie seemed to be growing into himself. 

And, the after was the next part. After Eddie got him the edge and picked him apart, Eddie put Steve back together. Steve liked the cuddles, the baths and being cared for. 

Eddie admitted the aftercare  was his favorite part, being the person to put Steve back together. 

Tonight was the first full scene they'd planned together and it was amazing. It was the first time Steve got to that weightless floaty space and stayed there. As he sunk into the hot water, he felt gooey, relaxed and loved. 

[ohsalome]

What are some amazing, most read Ukraine authors? The only one I know is Gogol and I would like more on my radar.

First important disclaimer is that without knowing ukrainian, your pool of choice is very limited. Unfortunately, our translators haven't done nearly enough to make ukrainian literature acessable for english speakers, so a lot of genuinely amazing stuff would require you to know the language.

The second important disclaimer is that I am going to recommend you a lot of poetry, and, with no disrespect to the translators, it doesn't hit nearly as hard in english as it is in ukrainian. I've recently heard the phrase "to read poetry in translation is like to take a shower wearing a raincoat", and it is so true. So, apologies for this barrier, but there is nothing one can do.

With that in mind, let's start from classics:

The first most important author is Taras Shevchenko. He mainly wrote poetry, but has some prose works as well, and during his life he was more known as a popular artist. The Bible of his works is Kobzar (a ukrainian word for travelling blind musicians), and the same word is also often used as a nickname for Shevchenko - akin to how Shakespeare can be called the Bard. Among the most important poems pay attention to A Dream (the poem for which he was imprisoned by the russians with an explicit ban on writing and painting), The Caucasus, My Testament, Kateryna, A cherry orchad by the house, О thoughts of mine

The second big name to know is Lesya Ukrainka. Lesya is also more known for her drama and poetry than her prose, but she also was a prolific translator and a feminist. Her most well-know play is The Forest Song (a cartoon adaptation is soon to be released after 7 years of production, but from the trailer it looks like it's not going to be close to the text). I find her Бояриня play to be much more interesting and relevant, however, it looks like it has not been translated yet. Among her poems, some of the most important are Contra Spem Spero and Cassandra (the latter has had some successful stage prouctions in Great Britain last year, mayhaps it will gain popularity)

Some links to her works: [x] [x]

Fun fact: there are speculations about Lesya Ukrainka's relationship with her close friend Olga Kobylyanska. The letters they exchanged are quite intimate and sometimes even erotic in nature, which lead some academics to believe that they were more than friends (most still fall in the "gal pals" camp tho). However, if that were true, that would mean that Lesya Ukrainka is the only bisexual woman to ever be printed on banknotes.

The third pillar of ukrainian classical literature is Ivan Franko. Once again, we are talking about partiotic poetry, but there are also many socialistic ideas in his works (although he became dissilusioned with it in his later years ), which I think many western readers will find appealing - (side comment - it looks like "collective west" is going through the same processses that we overcame a century ago, so ehm... good luck, y'all will need it). I haven't been able to find much of his works translated in English, so here is a good master page. Zakhar Berkut is considered to be one of his greatest works (a ukrainian-american co-production movie The Rising Hawk was released a couple of years ago, it was shit). If you manage to put your hands on it, I would greatly recommend The Painted Fox and Moses. Also, reading Eternal Revolutionary imprinted on me so much in childhood and determined who I grew up to be, I pretty much consider Franko to be my spiritual father.

A great event that happened this year is that Valeryan Pidmohylny's The City is finally getting an english translation. I have been gushing about this book on this blog before (you can also find the link to the publisher there), because for the archetypical ukrainian literature this book is a breath of fresh air. It's beautiful, it's modern, it's urbanistic, the protagonist is irredeemable asshole, it's amazing and I should re-read it as well.

Among the authors that are much more difficult to find, I greatly recommend Ivan Nechu-Levytsky. In my humble opinion, he like no other has managed to capture the "ukrainian spirit" and his plots are extremely captivating and dramatic as hell.

I will always, always add Ivan Bahryiany to my lists of ukrainian "must reads". He is an author of the first ever ukrainian adventure novel Tiger Trappers/The Hunters and the Hunted, which is the book that is loved even by those who don't like ukrainian literature. However, I personally find his Garden of Gethsemane to be a much more important (but take care, it is much more depressing as well). This author is extremely important, but I struggle finding PDFs of his work - perhaps, you'd have to search the libraries or ukr diaspora publishers for paperbacks. I have also been unsuccessfully hunting for an english translation of Why I am not going back to the Soviet Union? pamphlet for years - and I know for sure it exists because the USA first lady at that time has read it and it influenced her opinion on the USSR - but I've had no luck so far.

Another very important author of the same time period is Mykola Khyvylovy. One of his plays has actually been recently put to stage in English (shamefully, I haven't watched it yet, but I can vouch for the text it was based on - it's brutal).

I can't speak about ukrainian literature without mentioning crimean tatars, and although their works are much, much less known (in Ukraine as well, unfortunately), please do not overlook it. It is a gorgeous culture, and reading it, I grew to love and value Crimea so much even without ever visiting it. There are some english translations avaliable, including those of Noman Çelebicihan - an extermely important figure in Crimean Tatar history, the founder of the unfortunately short-lived Crimean Democratic Republic, the author of their national anthem, and overall very influential revolutionary.

Now let's jump to the popular modern authors. Many don't have english translation, but the problem is much less prominent in comparison to the ukrainian classics. With these authors, you shouldn't have trouble with finding paperbacks. Among the most influential authors I can recommend Serhiy Zhadan (Timothy Snyder has once said that he expects Zhadan to receive a Nobel Prize in literature and I agree), Oksana Zabuzhko (she either aught to release soon or has already released an english-exclusive book about the russian-ukrainian war), Yuri Izdryk (extremely modern and unconventional, but he's a good represention of the current state of art), Yuriy Andrukhovych (love his mastery of language, hate his characters). These authors are more light-hearted, but a grim necessity for today is Stanislav Aseyev's The Torture Camp on Paradise Street. It is a autobilgraphical book describing his experience being imprisoned by russians between 2017 and 2019. Western journalism often describes the war crimes russians commit on our land, but just listing the number of people lost doesn't show the face of the russian horror. Read this book to understand why we were screaming about the russian threat before the full-scale invasion, and why every time we regain the territory we brace with terror of what we'll discover there - because everywhere russian army goes, they build hunderds of such Isolyatsya camps that the book describes.

Also check out Serhiy Zhadan's band!

[sleepy-vix]

hi !!! so i know you've read classics and i have a few questions for you. lmk if i'm being annoying btw

uh first i was wondering what classics i own that you've read and your thoughts on them (i've been accumulating a collection for a while but haven't read them)

little women

great expectations

the picture of dorian gray

alice in wonderland

frankenstein

emma

pride and prejudice

great expectations

the secret history

the great gatsby

i was also wondering your favourite subgenres of classical books? i've been specifically interested in the russian classic subgenre

um where you would recommend me to start? out of the books i have preferably

and just any other general tips for reading would be helpful yeah

(i'm finally getting back into it after four years and i'm kinda lost idk)

NO YOURE NOT ANNOYING !! i saw your video on tiktok and was like shxbsjd i want to talk abt your books with you so bad but i didnt want to be annoying 😭

sigh im such a nerd

ok sooo lets get into it :D

get ready for alot of text

the books ive read will be in blue (purple is i'm going to read them soon)

• little women -> i loved ittt. i have yet to read the other books in the series though (theres little women, good wives, little men, jo's boys). the movie (by greta gerwig) is one of my favourite movies ever so i have an attachment to the story. i recommend watching the movie first if you haven't already bc i honestly preferred it more, but the book is also incredible and sweet and the writing is great and it made me cry and learn to be a better person

• great expectations

• the picture of dorian gray -> ooh this one was one of my first ever classics, i think after children's classics and the catcher in the rye. i loved it alot. the descriptions are so beautiful and the premise is so interesting and agsbj i'm just so obsessed with the way oscar wilde writes !! actually i've heard people say that this is a good place to start for classics, but i'm not really so sure about that. i think this definitely is a staple in classic literature, but i recommend saving this as your 2nd or 3rd classic read so you're more used to the eloquent writing style of classics and you can fully appreciate the picture of dorian gray in all its glory :)

•alice in wonderland -> oh i loved this sm. i love alice in wonderland in general, more specifically the tim burton version. i think this is a good place to start, since i know you like alice in wonderland so you're already attached to the story and therefore will most likely enjoy it alot. the sarcasm and wit in this book is really enjoyable and fun, i finished this one really fast back in primary school :)

• frankenstein -> i finished this recently ! it's so great, i love frankenstein so much. though, it did seem like nothing much was happening so just beware that even tho its labelled as horror, it's more... thoughtful? it's really nothing like frankenstein in popular media, though i think that's part of its charn actually

• emma -> i've read 2 chapters of this. i'm planning on actually sitting down and finishing this next week or so! i recommend the movie with anya taylor joy if you're hesitant about reading it, bc the movie was really good :)

• pride and prejudice -> if you want to get into jane austen, this is probably the place to start. she's a really amazing writer and the way she creates characters and character relationships is so amazing i was really impressed by this book ! tho i gotta say i dont feel any particular attachment to it and im not exactly in a hurry to pick up her other books. like her writing is really good but im just not really into high society and period romance drama. i still recommend this though since it is a good classic and a staple to the genre.

• the secret history -> ooh this one isnt exactly a classic but definitely does deserve to be. I LOVE THE SECRET HISTORY SO SO MUCHHHH. i've reread this book like nearly 3 times. donna tartt's writing is so phenomenal and the characters are all so interesting, i can't wait for you to read this! though, one con is that it is reallyyy long and ik that its not uncommon for people to get sick of how the story drags on :( so i recommend making sure that you're fully hyped to read this cus i'd hate for you to drop it half way since its so brilliant i promise. pay attention to the way she writes scenes and characters and just anything ever because its just so well doneee.

• the great gatsby -> i have this and i'm thinking of reading it next actually !! im just letting myself process frankenstein and go back to read the frankenstein introduction before moving onto this :) i've heard that it's grand and gives old money but thats all i can say

ok looks like thats all !

i recommend starting with alice in wonderland and then going to the picture of dorian gray or pride and prejudice :)

ah also my favourite subgenre in classic literature is horror (they tend to not be scary at all and more thoughtsy) or japanese (osamu dazai is all ive read but im really interested in reading more japanese authors)

russian literature is also cool, though ive only read crime and punishment by dostoyevsky. i really want to read notes from underground or white nights or dead souls by nikolai gogol next agsbdj

if you're looking to get into it then probably white nights is the best since many people say its the best and also its really short compared to c&p. im not an expert tho so honestly you do you

also if you enjoy frankenstein and the picture of dorian gray then i REALLY reccomend the case of dr jelyll and mr hyde because its so short but sooo good

as for reading tips, i reccomend taking breaks and not pushing yourself cus then you'll find the experience tedious. also dont be intimidated because reading classics is like reading any other book except the writing style is super eloquent. read whatever subgenre of classic you enjoy and dont force yourself to read others if you arent interested :)

THATS ALL FROM ME. tysmmmm for the ask i had so much fun answering this

sorry for yapping so much i cant help it when it comes to books so your fault for asking 😔 /lh

i hope you have fun and feel free to slide into my askbox if you have thoughts to share or anything else to askk

oh wait actually im curious, whats your experience with classics so far? what books have you read? did you enjoy them?