#this is like. the third or fourth scene of a fic i have planned. but it was fun to write. so

[cannibalisticskittles]

The pantry door is ajar rather than fully open today, so Rook raps twice on the doorframe before nudging it open and ducking inside. 

Lucanis is at his desk, charcoal in hand, diligently writing in his notebook. A single candle burns on the desk beside him. Not much of a meltpool around it, or at least, not enough for her to see one from here. He can’t have been at this for long, then. 

Rook glances down at the folded letter in her hand – another plea for action from Jacobus – before she speaks. 

“Lucanis,” she begins, “have you heard anything else from Treviso lately? New information from Teia and Viago?”

“Rook. Came. To visit?”

Ah, it’s Spite’s turn at the wheel. The voice – a little scratchier, a little deeper – leaves no question about that.

But… now that she’s really looking at him, she should have known that already. Spite has more of a hunch to his back when he sits, and his grip on the charcoal is – well, it’s a touch less careful than she would expect from Lucanis. She should’ve noticed as soon as she stepped in. If she wasn’t so preoccupied – but it doesn’t matter. Rook tucks the letter into a pocket. Next moves will have to wait.

“Yes,” she says. “It’s good to see you, Spite. What are you getting up to? Not too much trouble, I hope?”

“Making notes,” he says, and looks back at the notebook. “Documenting. Like he does.”

“Oh?” Rook crosses the room and comes to stand beside him. There’s a few scrawled notes, yes, but more than that…

“You have,” she says peering down at the geometric lines decorating the page, “the remarkable ability to create the straightest freehand lines I’ve ever seen.” Particularly given that he’s piloting the body of a caffeine addict running on two or three hours of sleep a night, if that. That this combination does not result in shaky, quavering writing is a wonder in itself.

“Is that. What makes his hands. Nice?”

“–come again?”

“Before. You said. His hands. Were nice.” Spite looks up from the page now, back at her. 

“Oh,” she says, casting her mind back and attempting to recall when, exactly, he is referring to. “Well. I don’t know that this was quite what I meant.” Really, she’d probably just meant that it would be nice for Lucanis to not wake up with burns covering his palms. 

“Then. What?” 

He leans closer still to her, as if searching for answers in her face. Strange to be under such close scrutiny and yet not feel the need to shy away, but Spite doesn’t mean anything by it. 

“We-e-ell… he’s very precise with his knife – in and out of battle.” She’d thought she had passable kitchen skills before she met Lucanis, but if the others in the Necropolis could know what it was like to dice an onion with even a quarter of his skill, supper would have been a far more joyous occasion. “And he knits, too. So he’s as deft with fine details as he is with, ah, broader movements. Y’know.” She mimics stabbing the air. “And…”

And she imagines he would direct just as much care and fidelity into his motions if his hands were to find themselves cupping her jaw, or on her hips, or–

“Rook does this. Too.”

For one, brief moment, she forgets that it is not her head Spite can see into, and he is not referring to what she was thinking about. So, then, he means – 

She stifles a laugh. Spite does not seem to notice, or if he does, he does not take offense. 

“To a degree,” she agrees. “But I’m afraid I cannot match the dexterousness Lucanis possesses. My knifework suffices because I can send a mass of necrotic energy along with it, but it’s really just a focus to channel magic through. If I were to rely solely on a blade, I’d be hard-pressed to do any real damage, and my movements would be… a fair bit clumsier.”

Unbidden, she remembers those close quarters moments down in the Necropolis, pitted against Baron von Markham. The waving of arms and fluttering of fingers to evoke the image of some grand spell being cast. The look on his poncy face when she dropped this pretence and lunged at him with the snapped off pole that once held one of his precious, territory-claiming banners. The struggle; the scuffle; the ragged breathing as she exerted all her energy to thrust it into his chest and then slash and smash and shatter and crush until she was certain he would never move again. 

And the absolute mess of his remains in that urn… she’s certain that Lucanis has never made such a mess of a contract before. Not like that.

Rook shakes off her reverie. “No,” she concludes, “it isn’t quite the same.”

Spite’s brow furrows. “Are Rook’s hands. Not. Nice? Only Lucanis?”

“Mm, I don’t know that I would go that far. They’re different, that’s all.”

“What makes them. Different?”

“Practice?” she suggests. “Repeating the same motion or skill over and over again builds the ability to do it better the next time. Makes quicker mental pathways – and it can make a physical difference in the musculature of the hands. Or in any part of the body that’s used,” she adds. 

Spite looks down at his hands – at Lucanis’ hands – turning them over, then back. Then, his gaze meets hers once more. 

“Let me. See.”

His words are decisive, but it’s less of a demand than it seems on its face. She could decline easily. Not much he could do about it. But she will oblige. It’s good for Spite to have a safe way to test the constraints of this world, so different from the one he comes from. 

“Certainly.” She holds out both hands and Spite rises with haste, nearly knocking the chair back as he reaches for her. This time, she does not bother to muffle her laugh. “They’re not going to wander off,” she says.

Spite takes first one, then the other, until he is turning both of her hands back and forth, examining them from mere inches away. 

“The musculature is likely to have some distinct divergences, but it can be difficult to see that from the outside,” she says, suppressing the urge to point out the way her palmar interossei muscles engage with the gentle flexion of Spite bending her fingers towards her palm, or how his flexor digitorum superficialis and profundus allow him to take hold of her fingers now. “Far easier to see during an autopsy – which we will, ah, not be doing today.”

Spite makes a noise that is not quite a growl, but which nevertheless conveys no small amount of frustration. 

“You can still learn quite a bit while leaving the skin intact, though,” Rook says. “Look here, at these calluses.”

She tugs until he gets the cue to stop testing the flexibility of her fingers and loosens his grip, then turns both her palms up. 

“Thickened layers of skin that build up in response to repeated friction.” She rubs her right thumb over her index finger. “From writing. Used to be more prominent, but they faded a little after I finished my thesis, and after leaving the Necropolis, well… I haven’t had many opportunities to write more than the occasional letter home.”

Spite pulls the hand in question nearer and, for a moment, just stares and stares, then traces over the spots she’d touched much as she did. He repeats this a few times, light enough that she snorts at the ticklish sensation this elicits. Then, he drops her hand abruptly and stares at Lucanis’ right hand. He probes the index finger inquisitively. 

“The same,” he says. 

“Yes, very similar to mine,” she says. “No surprise there. Lucanis keeps diligent notes now, but… I don’t suppose they gave you – him – access to writing tools down in the Ossuary, did they?”

“No.” There’s an edge to Spite’s voice. A simmering anger that emerges at the mention of the place that bound and trapped the two of them. “Kept logs. In his head. Only.”

“Right,” she nods. “So, not too much time to build up since getting out, but if he keeps up the habit – and if you do, too – those may become a little rougher, in time.”

He pokes at this again for a little while, then turns his attention to the ones at the base of the index finger and just below it, on the palm, then to smaller calluses along the first knuckle of Lucanis’ other fingers. 

Spite looks at her. “These.”

She catches the unspoken question: explain.

“These, I’d wager, come from all that bladework,” she says. 

Spite looks at Lucanis’ hands a moment longer, then at Rook’s, fingers passing over her palms. Then, over Lucanis’ once more.  

“…more here. Than. Rook.”

“Yes!” She beams at Spite. “Very observant. You’re really getting attuned to physical senses.” 

Spite bares his teeth in a facsimile of a grin at her words, the mark of one who is a little unused to making such an expression. She wonders if he has a form that can smile when he’s not possessing Lucanis. She’s never seen a spirit of Spite made manifest before. 

“Been. Practicing!”

“I can tell!”

Space still seems to be oddly difficult for Spite, but up close, sound and smell and touch all seem manageable, particularly in recent days. She’d like to ask him how his ability to perceive taste has been developing, but despite her attempts to offer more suitable methods of testing that, he remains most drawn to things that would make Lucanis sick, if indulged; drawn to the allure of a magical candle more than a pilfered sweet from the catacombs. Best not to bring it up, for now. 

“How. To tell?” Spite asks. 

“That you’ve been practicing?”

“No. Tell. Where. They come from. What makes them.”

“Ah. It can be difficult to know for sure, without outside context, as they can come from using various tools as easily as they can come from weapons – but you can generally tell how frequent the use is based on how numerous and how thick the calluses are.” She flexes her fingers. “So when you compare our hands, you can tell that I don’t handle knives to the same extent that Lucanis does.”

Spite’s gaze, faintly glowing, darts between their hands again, then back to Rook’s face. “What. Else?”

“Well… beyond external appearance and what can be gleaned by observing them at rest, you get the clearest idea of what they can do by… putting them to use – or watching someone else do it. Seeing them in action. How fast they can move, how strong their grip is…”

She laces her fingers together and presses her palms together demonstratively. Demonstrative of what, exactly, is unclear, but she’s not about to summon fire and kick off that whole debate again, so – something simple. A physical touchstone for him to reference. 

Spite does the same, watching her as though to confirm that he’s doing it right, so she nods encouragingly. Spurred on, he spends a long moment just staring at his pressed together hands, turning them about and looking at them from different angles.

“Mmm…”

She’s not actually sure how to interpret that noise. Not overly frustrated, yet not content. Contemplative, perhaps? He continues turning his – Lucanis’ – linked hands together, so she leaves it be. It doesn’t occupy him for terribly long, though. Soon, his eyes return to Rook and he separates his hands – and then reaches for her wrist. Again, she obliges, following until their palms are aligned. 

“You. Try.”

A comparison? Well, why not? She slots her fingers in the spaces between and squeezes lightly. 

Again, he makes a contemplative noise. “Now I go.”

Rook has only a brief moment to bask in the feeling that she is successfully assisting Spite in expanding his understanding of this plane – bonding, even! – before he clenches his fingers with far more pressure than is comfortable. 

“Ah–” She winces, but resists the urge to pull away. “Spite, my friend, you must remember that mortal vessels are fragile things; be gentle.” She squeezes back, a little firmer than she did before but still with markedly less force than he is exerting now. “You see?”

Spite grumbles, but the pressure does ease. “What. Is the point. If not. Testing limits?”

“Learning them, I suppose, if not exactly pushing them.”

“And?”

“And… not much else. I think I’m out of things to show you,” she says, “on this topic, anyhow. If you’d like to really suss out all the things they can do, perhaps you could ask Lucanis to show you some tricks. I’m sure–”

A noise outside the pantry breaks her concentration. Something falling? A log shifting in the fireplace? Or perhaps the dining room doors opening? Not likely to be urgent either way. Still, she makes a note to look into that later before looking back to Spite.

Only it isn’t Spite.

“Rook?”

Softer. Smoother. And unmistakably confused. 

“–Lucanis.”

He’s blinking heavily, as though awakening from a deep sleep – which he is, really. His body may have been active, with Spite at the wheel, but his mind was drifting in dreamland. 

“What are you… what am I…? Rook, what happened?”

Only now does she become aware of their proximity. It hadn’t seemed so strange before – Spite can’t really be expected to have the same understanding of personal boundaries among polite society with so little exposure to the idea, but now she realizes that they’re so close she can feel the warmth radiating off of him – so close she can feel his breath against her skin. Maker, they’re practically nose-to-nose – and they are still holding hands.

It’s a realization he makes a mere fraction of a second after she does, as his eyes take in the room around them, the candle on the desk, her, and then finally dart down to their joined hands between them.

Ah. 

She takes a step backward, chagrined to find that detangling her fingers from his is slightly trickier than she’d anticipated and she does not manage to do it in the swift, smooth motion she was hoping for. It takes only a moment, but that moment seems to stretch out for far too long. 

“Lucanis,” Rook says again. “It’s… good to see you awake again.” That… was not an answer. And she should probably not still be this close to him, even if she has let go. She takes another shuffling step back. “I, ah, came to ask about how things were going in Treviso, but when I got here, Spite was writing, and he had some questions. …about hands.”

“About hands?” Lucanis’ brow furrows slightly. “Again?”

Again?

“Oh, did he already ply you for answers? That… rascal. Ha.” What the hell is she saying? She’s veered too hard into trying to sound nonchalant. Pivot back, now, before she makes this even stranger. 

“He – nevermind.” Lucanis shakes his head. “He didn’t do… anything else?”

“Not as far as I’m aware,” she says. “I mean, I can’t speak to what he was doing before I came in, but… making notes and talking, that’s all I saw him do.”

“Good. Still…” Lucanis glances askance, sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. He looks up at her then, and Maker but he has the most beautiful eyes. No, focus, he’s speaking now. “I am sorry. That he bothered you again.”

“No! No. It’s fine, really, it’s – I know what he’s like and he was only curious, and I… really should have just waited until you were awake and came back then, instead of… intruding.”

At that, Lucanis chuckles. “Rook. You’re not intruding.” The ghost of a smile that graced his lips fades quickly into something markedly more bitter. “If anyone is, it’s him.” There’s no heat in the words, though, just… exhaustion. Another sigh, and Lucanis swipes a hand over his face. “...no. It isn’t his fault, either. I just wish–” 

His words fade into a grumble she can’t quite make out, but… she can imagine how he would’ve finished it. The looming threat of a loss of control – of waking up somewhere else having done Maker knows what – lurking around every corner… well. It can’t feel great.  

“…hey,” she starts, “at least he stayed put, right?”

Now he does smile wryly. “I asked Emmrich to put wards on the room,” he says, “after the last time Spite slipped out.”

“Ah.” That… makes sense, actually. Something about the pantry did feel different lately. She might be losing her touch, to not have recognized it sooner. “Nevermind, then.”

“You should rest easier now, knowing he won’t be able to wander as freely,” Lucanis says. 

His words give her pause.

While many outside Nevarra may call those such as Spite demons, the Mourn Watch takes a more… nuanced stance on such matters. Each spirit is unique, just as each living person is, and while there may be certain dangers or pitfalls associated with some, they must be taken as the individual they are to truly understand them – and, when considered this way, Spite just… isn’t a fearsome figure. There’s the risk of being caught up in a tantrum, she supposed, but she can’t say she’s ever lost sleep over fears of what Spite might do.

But. Lucanis does not share in this conviction. And it seems… uncouth to belabor the point. Again. 

“I suppose that explains why Emmrich hasn't been setting out an extra tea cup lately,” she says instead. “And here I thought it was just because he’d given up winning me over to the tea-loving cause.”

She cannot deny the flicker of satisfaction that sparks when her words make Lucanis’ smile widen. 

He breaks eye contact and looks around the room once more. 

“...at least he did not seem to cause too much havoc, except on my notebook.” Lucanis picks it up and narrows his eyes at the open page. “Mierda, what was he even trying to say here? And here, and…” He flips a page. “On my notes? The messes he leaves me to clean up…”

He sounds, as he ever does, tired. And perhaps her presence is not helpful in that regard. Waking up in strange circumstances likely does not help with that, and she… was the cause of today’s odd awakening. 

“Y’know, I should… probably… leave you to your evening in peace. Let you orient yourself again. …sorry about your notes.”

His mouth opens a half-beat before he speaks, as though he means to say something else but stops himself. “You are not the one that needs to apologize,” is what comes out. 

This… is something for the two of them to sort out; not much she can do to smooth this over. 

As she leaves, she hears faint muttering –

“What is ‘the infinite?’ And what do you mean by a ‘small shade?’ Spite, what–?”

It takes no small amount of effort to keep each step steady and even, but she concentrates on this task and this task alone until she has managed it. 

Only after the dining room door has clicked decisively shut behind her does she allow herself to lace her fingers together and remember the warmth of his skin again. 

Maker’s breath, she’s in trouble. 

[enluv]

bewitched

pairing: anton x mentioned gn reader! (pls lmk if there are any gendered terms I may have missed)

synopsis: in which anton has a not so tiny actually really big crush on reader.

genre: fluff that made me smile to myself so hard that I had to remind myself this was just a fic, idol!anton & idol!reader, angst if you squint, pouty anton & his hyungs love to tease him for it!

coco’s <3 note: this was something I wrote up after a really long day of studying for finals last week so if you hate it lie to me (I’m sensitive) and it’s completely self indulgent 😭 + not edited well…

small but important a/n: I am so happy people love this fic as much as I do but I unfortunately will not be making a part two for it! originally I didn’t plan one and still in my heart feel like it doesn’t really need one!! sorry my loves, ty for the understanding 🤍

anton who smiles to himself as he watches you do his groups dance challenge, he’s seen you backstage countless times now with your group and he swears you’re his soulmate.

loud and energetic, your personality compliments his usually timid and introverted one.

the first one to notice is seunghan, always the one with the keenest eye, he teases anton throughly when you walk past them in the music show halls, pushing his shoulders and tugging at the boys pink cheeks.

the next two to notice are wonbin and shotaro, having caught their youngest replaying your groups music video just after briefly being introduced to you, he claims it’s so he can learn your dance challenge but the boys can tell from the way his voice raises an octave, that he’s lying.

eunseok and sungchan take note as they watch his eyes sparkle up at the screen in their room backstage, there’s no hiding the proud smile he wears as he watches you move about on stage smiling and enjoying the time you have with fans, they can see just how much he admires you.

sohee is the last to know as he walks right up to you, laughing and joking like old friends do, anton goes through the five stages of grief so quickly the rest of the members laugh loudly at him.

first, he denies what’s taking place in front of his eyes, he can’t fathom how you know his friend, or why you two seem so close.

second, he’s angry. not at sohee or you, never you of course, but at himself for not seeing the obvious signs. you’d done their dance because you knew his friend, not just because you were interested in him them.

third, anton tries rationalizing with himself. this was okay, it’d be okay, and if you ended up with sohee it would be fine because technically he’d never admitted to liking you, and so technically you weren’t anyone to him, so really if he thought about it, he’d be fine, especially if you made his best friend happy.

fourth, he’s pouting, and not even on purpose in a cute way, he’s full on pouting at the scene taking place in front of him. he’s sad you’re so close to sohee, sad he isn’t the one making you laugh loudly or putting a smile on your face, sad that he has absolutely no chance with you at all. this isn’t fair, but he can’t do anything so he resorts to pouting and clinging onto his older brothers for comfort (as they laugh and tease his current state).

finally, anton thinks he’s over it. he’s been watching you and sohee giggle about back and forth for what seems like hours now (it’s been less than five minutes) and he thinks he can finally accept this reality. you’re into his friend and he’s chopped liver. yeah that’s totally fine, he’s totally okay with this outcome.

the older boys smile at one another as they watch anton bury his head deeper into eunseoks broad shoulders, seemingly shielding himself from the scene in front of him. they know when their maknae is upset and it’s a million times clear just how much he is right now.

“anton, are you okay? I want to introduce you to my friend.” sohee’s soft voice pulls him out of his depression, slowly rising his head he’s met with a pair of eyes he knows too well, and his ears turn red.

“this is my roommate, he’s the one I told you about, the one that’s a big fan of you,” his friend laughs after his words and anton isn’t sure what’s worse: you being madly in love with sohee or you knowing he’s madly in love with you.

“anton right? I’m also a big fan of you, if that’s not totally embarrassing to admit to you.”

and just like that he’s swooning again, all the thoughts and feelings from before melt away as he pushes past eunseok to stand in front of you. now this, this is just perfect.

sohee shoots him a smile and a thumbs up, and it all clicks, anton is almost ashamed of how he’s acted.

sohee knew about his crush, how could he not? they shared a room together, of course he’d caught him watching your content, laughing at things you’d said, and bashfully liking your pictures from his spam account, he’d done this on purpose, he’d introduce you to one another on purpose.

“do you want to maybe grab some lunch with me?”

so maybe that wasn’t what he’d planned to say to you first but at least he’d spoken…right? even if it was straightforward and not like him at all.

your laugh makes his ears even redder, and he’s instantly smiling as you nod, taking his hand and leading him to “a really good cafe” as you put it. anton isn’t listening fully, he’s just happy he can finally admire you in person.

yeah he’s definitely too far gone. he thinks he might be in love.

coco’s <3 note x2: I love love love writing for riize they’re honestly my favorite boys ahhh I love them!! hopefully now that I am on break I can write more for them :) thinking of opening requests for them too maybe? and like if you know me you know I don’t do that often so !!! hope you enjoyed this fic, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3

riize taglist — @palajae @txtlyn @rllymark @soheekisser @luvbinnies (can’t tag those in bold 😕)

Want to join the taglist? Find the forms here!

[graciereadshannigram]

hey fam, welcome to the April 2024 roundup of the best hannigram fics i've read this past month! i read over 100 fics total, and these were the cream of the crop.

as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

you can find past recs below:

February March

and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.

anyway, in no particular order, let's go!

~

A place you can never go by det395

Word Count: 84,596 Summary: When things don’t go according to plan, Hannibal makes a wish. He finds himself a year-and-a-half in the past and seemingly given another chance with Will. His feelings about the situation only get more complicated when he realizes he may not have completely lost access to his old timeline after all. A Digestivo canon divergence.

If you follow me, you probably saw me already raving about this fic. This was so fucking good, holy fucking shit. And also heartbreaking. Made me think a lot about the nature of reality and what does it mean for something to be "real." Plus, I really love fics that explore their shared mind palace because I genuinely think that is one of the more underexplored aspects of their relationship. Definitely heavy on the angst, but there is a happy ending!

even though our love is doomed by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 82,427 Summary: Hannibal solves the mystery of time travel and he and Will decide to go into the past and take opportunities previously missed along with rewriting the regrets they each hold. Changing the past does not effect the future and they have free reign to play as the please.

GIVE ME MORE THAN FIVE STARS PLEASE. I am obsessed with this fic. I've mostly stayed clear of time travel fics (aside from, you know, the one right above this) because the execution can be hit or miss, but let me fucking tell you. This was a god damn home run. There's a little bit of angst, but then there's also a chapter where Will challenges Hannibal that he wouldn't have been able to seduce him while Will was still working in Louisiana fixing boat motors. And obviously Hannibal decides to take that challenge.

Railroad Romance by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles

Word Count: 12,400 Summary: Hannibal is still Hannibal, and Will is still Will. Except Will is not part of the FBI and they meet on a two day train trip from New Orleans to Baltimore.

Dirty. Talk. In. FRENCH. Holy shit. Okay this was excellent. EXCELLENT. Perfect characterizations, and wonderful dialogue. Wow. Also, I love trains. Who doesn't love trains?

patroclus in furs by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 130,185 Summary: If Will and Hannibal hadn't gone into their respective careers, they would have become porn stars.

I had my doubts about a pornstar AU, but I've really enjoyed everything else by this author and it was over 100k, so I gave it a shot! And WOW. The characterizations of both Will and Hannibal were spot on and believable. A good mix of fluff and angst, and the author clearly put a lot of thought into the porn scenes. Tbh I'm probably going to reread this shortly.

Pavlova by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 33,369 Summary: It’s not like Hannibal didn’t know that Will was hiding something. It was after the third body drop a week ago that it became clear that Will had a secret that somehow involved the case, one he wasn’t willing to share yet, not even with Hannibal. At 6:43 AM, Will had texted Hannibal that a fourth body had been found and that he was on his way to the scene with Jack. At 8:06 PM, Will had stepped into Hannibal’s office, thirty-six minutes past his appointment time, and practically shouted “I used to be a stripper!” as loudly as his hoarse voice would allow him to. Hannibal Lecter, though not phased by much in life, has never been entirely able to predict Will Graham, but this is just… getting out of control. Alternatively, the FBI is hunting a serial killer targeting male strippers, and Will decides to throw himself into the fray. Hannibal is beyond pleased.

An AU where Will was a stripper in college and now he's working a case where he can be live bait as a stripper? Shut the fuck up. Mostly told from Hannibal's perspective, and it's just *chefs kiss*. Who knew Will giving Hannibal a lap dance would be so HOT. (I could have guessed.)

Lessons In Submission by wyldefire

Word Count: 5,173 Summary: Hannibal was stubborn, independent, and Will had always loved that about him, but there were times, times like these, in the midst of heat, in the midst of such a thorough breeding, when lessons in submission were necessary.

My only thought at the end of this was, "Shut the whole fuck up" in the best way possible. Smut. Just all smut.

A Very Special Guest by LesBeanBurrito

Word Count: 56,660 Summary: Season 1 AU in which Will stays for Hannibal’s dinner party after bringing the bottle of wine at the end of 1X07 Sorbet. Embarrassed and Sassy Will Graham meets Smitten Hannibal Lecter.

I LOVE a good season 1 AU and this was checking all of the boxes for me! There's a secret relationship, Hannibal actually gets Will treated for his encephalitis, Will finds out about Hannibal, etc. Very much loved the plot, and the characterizations were spot on.

lover to your nightmare (look what you made of me) by merrythoughts and ReallyMissCoffee

Word Count: 123,367 Summary: Driving back home, it’s then he reflects on Hannibal asking him to run away that night. To forgo their plans altogether, to slip away. [Canon divergent. Will confesses his betrayal and asks Hannibal to run away with him, but Will has a plan of his own...]

You want dark!Will mixed in with some incredibly jealous and possessive Hannigram? Hooo boy do I have a fic for you! The ending was a little abrupt, but it was the perfect mix of gut-wrenching angst and toxicity + smoking hot smut. I genuinely had to stop and focus on my breathing more than once.

On the Lam by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 63,992 Summary: Post-Fall (Hannibal)season 4Crack Treated SeriouslyOn the RunWill Graham Discovers FanfictionExplicit Sexual Contentsexual identity crisisThat's Not Really A CrisisWill Graham is HannisexualMurder HusbandsHomophobiaMurder of a HomophobeHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterPower Bottom Will Grahamthey love each other your honorvery meta

This was such a fun read – I love the implication that hannigram fanfiction exists and it's all there for Will to accidentally discover. I adore this author and just thoroughly enjoyed how Will learned a thing or two about himself by reading smutty fics (same dude).

Golden Promises by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 68,488 Summary: Hannibal (TV) Season/Series 01Alternate Universe - Canon DivergenceEpisode: s01e07 SorbetHallucinations?Will Hopes SoLELOplugSexuality CrisisThat Ends Up Not Being A CrisisWill Graham Has EncephalitisHannibal Gets Will TreatmentDeveloping RelationshipWill Graham's Dogs - FreeformBonding over fooddoting hannibalEventual SmutHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterAlana DisapprovesRimmingOral SexBottom Hannibal LecterTop Will GrahamBottom Will GrahamTop Hannibal LecterWill Graham KnowsNon-Consensual Drug UseWill Gives Him Shit For ItMurder HusbandsCannibalismis that tag even necessary?Hannibal Lecter Loves Max

This was fluffier than I typically read, but I told y'all I love this author. Pretty much no angst, and the smut, as always, was next level. Also, the idea that Hannibal would wear a solid gold butt plug to his dinner parties had me laughing before I even started reading.

What Hatches by HotMolasses (@snazzymolasses here on tumblr)

Word Count: 107,847 Summary: There is a village, nestled on the edge of an ancient forest where it is always winter. Few of the townsfolk ever venture into it, except for one lonely hunter named Will Graham. A loner who makes his living selling stag meat and spends more time with dogs than people, he finds his life changing when he comes face-to-face with a magical beast, one that he cannot get away from, and isn’t even sure he really wants to.

What started out as a curiosity about the monsterfucking tag on AO3 brought me to one of the most unique and interesting hannigram AUs I've read??? I'm as surprised as you are, if not more. I adored this fic and I loved how both Will and Hannibal were characterized and the plot and the smut (oh my god, the smut) and the ending? Phew. Go read this.

lay like a flood spills away by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 35,733 Summary: Will starts going to a nude beach that happens to be for gay men, even though he considers himself straight.

This was highly enjoyable. I LOVE AUs that manage to keep the characters true to canon. Also nude beaches. Hannigram and nude beaches. Eating ass and public sex with some actual plot sprinkled in. Say LESS.

Now, What Should We Do Next? by HigherMagic

Word Count: 51,116 Summary: Kinktober 2018

Smut. All smut. I showed this fic to a friend who has literally never read fanfiction, let alone Hannigram, before and she is now hooked. So. Do with that what you will. And it's so clear that this author has actual, real-life experience with kink and it comes across so well! Bonus point: there is also an equally good sequel.

To Mend With Gold by beforethedawn, ConstructFairytales, Destinyawakened

Word Count: 98,863 Summary: Will and Hannibal have been living as a gay married couple for three years, but they haven't slept in the same room let alone the same bed. Will Graham has a reckoning, one way or another.

THIS WAS TENDER. Fluffy, angsty, smutty, I loved it. Molly showed up with Will's dogs and decided she wasn't going to turn them in, which was a little weird, but I really loved this fic. Just them learning how to be with each other. Also EXCELLENT marathon smut scenes. Like yesssss, of course they can each cum like three times in a row.

A Clutch at Balance by Deverauxs_Disease

Word Count: 25,466 Summary: When Will Graham storms into Hannibal's house muttering about kissing Alana Bloom, the good doctor makes Will an offer: Pretend to date Hannibal in order to prove to Alana that Will is not only stable but capable of being in a relationship. When Alana is convinced Will is the man of her dreams, Hannibal will step aside and Will can get his girl.

Y'all know I love fake dating that all of a sudden, whoops! Isn't so fake anymore! Sprinkle in some jealous and possessive Hanni and Will? I'm sold. Say less.

~

And that's a wrap on this month! See ya next time!!!

[nvuy]

How do you write so well? I'm trying to get into writing because I YEARN to create, but it is very difficult. Do you have any tips? I try and create, but it feels like there is a brick wall in my brain 😫 I also struggle to come up with ideas 😭😭

oh worm thank you so much im so honoured… i don’t want to just say ‘practise,’ even though that is half of quite literally improving in anything.

i am going to long post now. you’re welcome. this is my little guide to writing. in no way am i saying my writing is perfect and world class five stars, but this is just some things i learned along the way that helped me get better!!!

now this is all assuming considering you read my works that you also want to write reader inserts, but even if that’s not the case, i think all this stuff applies to normal writing as well.

what i do like to think is that ‘good writing’ is very very subjective. for example, i prefer much more philosophical pieces, ambiguous endings, extensive world building, and things like that, and i like to put it in my writing.

however, what you may like about my writing could be what someone else absolutely hates. not everyone can be bothered to read 4 pages on a heavy description of a quiet deserted street in the rain, or a dusty old library , or the bustling atmosphere of a cafe. some writers like to do scenarios without fully developed plots. some do.

WRITING IN A NUT SHELL

what really helps is to find where you lie on this spectrum. do you prefer overtly poetic descriptive writing, or straight to the point, no beating around the bush? or does it depend?

i know it’s sounds taxing to write heavy descriptions and worldbuilding and this and that, but if you like to read it, chances are you may also like to write it yourself.

this is a tip i lowkey thought was common sense, but i’ve spoken to moots on discord and other platforms about it, and a lot of writers just… don’t know about it?

basically it’s that A First Draft is a First Draft. this has been said time and time again. j.r. tolkein didn’t write LOTR in a day, rowling did not write the entire harry potter series in one shot. nobody did that.

as well as this, my first drafts never start out as fully fledged stories. most of them look like this:

notice the obnoxiously large gap in between? yep! two entirely different scenes, but under the same concept. you don’t need cohesion in your drafts. that comes with time. get all your ideas down first.

my first drafts are awful. they’re absolute dogshit. most of the time, i abandon a lot of my works altogether. but i never delete anything, because sometimes i may come back and suddenly get inspiration again.

most of my first drafts look like this:

notice how it lacks with everything. there’s no flavour here. it’s incredibly dialogue heavy, and it’s clearly supposed to have some sort of surreal feeling to it.

come back to it later only when i feel like it and rewrite it only when you feel like it:

same concept, same exact scene, but now it has more emotion. because i’ve written it a second time, or maybe even a third, or fourth (anymore than that, and im sorry, but drop it. it’s doing you more harm than good). so many people hit this writers block because they want their first draft to be perfect and it won’t ever be.

don’t focus on the itty bitty details. get the idea down first. you can always come back later. it really really helps to get out of ruts and stuff.

another thing: You Don’t Need To Start With Writing Fanfics Right Away. and i wouldn’t recommend it. not doubting you, or any other young bright-eyed writers, but fanfics are gruelling work that require lots and lots of planning.

i would honestly recommend getting started and finding comfort with one shots and/or headcanons, or drabbles, or whatever else short fics are called, because they require a lot less dedication, and it’s a lot more fun, because you can spring from one idea to another. majority of my works are short fics for a reason. it’s a lot easier to write, and i personally find it more enjoyable :) try it out!

IDEAS: WORLDBUILDING

(this next segment is assuming your fic wants to take place in a different area than canon) (otherwise, check out descriptions/images/videos of the place your world is supposed to be set in!! same idea!!)

if you’re unsure about worldbuilding and what exactly this place you’re creating is supposed to look like or how it might function, browse pinterest! there’s so many real and/or fake & rendered places on that site. is your area really cold and constantly snowing? search up some art with those key words. it could help you gain a clearer image!

let’s use an example: say the world im building my fic is based in a very cold, always snowing, always icy town. we go on pinterest, have a bit of a look around, and then we go Ooh this looks interesting!!

this is a painting by alexander andriyanov.

who are these people? where are they? what’re they doing? is horseback and carriage their primary mode of transport? do these people have access to vehicles like cars? do cars exist in my world at all? what are the surrounding buildings? etc etc.

TLDR: what im trying to say is if it helps you, look at something, listen to music, watch a movie, and then ask the question How Do I Make This About Me?

this speedpaint by darek zabrocki helped me get an idea of what snezhnaya in my multi chapter fic on ao3 was supposed to look like. obviously snezhnaya isn’t released in genshin just yet, so it allows me a lot of creative freedom in that regard.

you can always always use other people’s works as inspiration. why do you think so many songs these days use samples from older tracks? it’s basically the same thing. obviously, don’t downright copy, that’s plagiarism, but seriously. if you’re struggling to create this world in your head, pinterest is your best friend.

IDEAS: PLOTS & THE CENTRAL CONFLICT

in terms of coming up with actually plot ideas, i said it before and i’ll say it again. movies, shows, games, other people’s stories, other fanfics/books, paintings and other forms of artwork, history, etc.

if you’re writing a fanfic, most writers like to take the canon route, and you’re welcome to do that.

if you’re worried about your own ideas being lacklustre or you can’t think of anything, but the canon storyline is good for your fic, canon divergence is always fun!

for example! i haven’t posted it here, but i always did have this idea of a neuvillette centric fic based on the love letter he received in one of the world quests. so you take something that happened in the game, and then you ask AGAIN: How Do I Make This About Me?

in terms of thinking up an entirely different idea or concept or prompt or whatever you want to call it, there’s honestly no right or wrong way of doing it. it’s really, really difficult though. i have so many ideas that are more suitable for one shots that fully fledged fanfictions.

again, read books you like. read other people’s works. read lore of the fandom you’re writing about, or better yet, sometimes i go off of a fleeting thought that a random NPC said at some point in the storyline that had little to no effect on the story.

what constitutes as a good plot and a bad plot is a matter of opinion. as long as there’s evident improvement (or the opposite, if that’s your fancy) of your characters in your story, whether that be their personality, relationship with others, or whatever, then you’ve successfully written a cohesive narrative.

how most of my works start is actually because i randomly come up with one scene in my head that haunts me. i call them Brain Rots™.

for example, in my scaramouche fic on ao3, the scene that started the entire thing was of some sort of solider that presented a ring to the doctor in a very cold and barren wasteland.

and then i asked, what is the significance of this ring? is the solider injured? should the doctor care? why are they there in the first place? where is this place? where do they go after this?

hopefully you get the picture.

TLDR: figure out what makes your Brain Rot™ about the particular scene that’s playing on repeat in your head, find your inspiration through any sort of media you enjoy consuming that you find directly links to your ideas (because most likely if you enjoy something, you’ll be inspired by it more than you would with something you actively don’t like) (and this ‘media’ ranges from pictures, real life anecdotes/stories, video games, other fics, music, art, etc.), ask questions (How Do I Make This About Me), and then answer them yourself!!!!

and also just practise and practise and practise!!! you will subconsciously develop new skills by consuming media and reading other people’s works that you really like. it all comes with time :) !!!!!

[pjisskullourful]

• His Canvas •

🎨 Ethan × reader

18+ readers only!! 🔥 sweet but smutty, explicit af

° Ethan Torchio/female reader insert

° you have been dating Ethan for a while and you decide that he's the one you want to lose your virginity to

wordcount: 10,027

° anon request: what about loosing your virginity to Ethan and like he knows that you desperately want him but he also knows and warns you that no matter her gentle he is, you probably won’t be able to walk the next day ° gigantic shoutout to queen @faye2607 for her amazing astrological insights that helped me figure out the direction of this fic& the title is inspired by a song from her spectacular spicy playlist 💋 [send your own request in here!] [or get more control& priority by booking a commission!]

° lyrics stolen from mia martina

° [ITA:] cristo: christ

paint my body boy, i'll be your canvas. don't talk to me, just show me your talent.

The fifth date and it was time for Ethan to show you one of his hidden talents - his strong artistic skills in the medium of painting. It was payback after you had shown him your hidden talent - knowing far too much about astrology. A lunchtime date at your apartment had ended with you putting hours into doing his birth chart. He had listened intently to every word, sitting on the ground with you as you had scribbled on different scraps of paper. He hadn't had someone explain this much about the zodiac signs to him before and you could tell he was actually interested, not just nodding while mentally wishing you would shut the Hell up.

It had taken up a lot of time, in fact it had taken up the remainder of the date. He had to rush off for rehearsals, leaving you in your self-created mess of enthusiastically sharing your special interest. He had to leave before the deed could be done. 

The fourth date - you should have been sleeping with him by now. Every piece of media that you had ever consumed had told you that the third date was the magic one. A woman who didn't sleep with a man on the third date was frigid, prudish and not worth his time.

But now you were at the fifth date and you hadn't gone any further than second base. Your tongue knew his quite well at this point, but the question of what would happen if you let him do more than just unhook your bra hung heavy in the air.

He knew that you were a virgin (you had blurted this out during your second date) and it seemed he was determined to stay as respectful as possible. Potentially he was waiting for you to make the first move, but you kept finding distractions.

Was this what today's art project would be, just another distraction as you remained within your comfort zone? He had invited you to his apartment, but beyond telling you that it would include painting, you were in the dark of what he actually had planned. Was he going to teach you how to paint something? Would he ask if you could recreate the sketching scene from Titanic?

You had been to his apartment once before, but that was a quick stop in. This would be hours in his home.

It looked different to what you recalled, all of the furniture pushed out, towards the walls. In the lounge room, a large portion of the wood floors was covered by a plastic sheet. It clicked when you saw three canvases of varying sizes resting against the wall. 

He came over to stand beside where you were, your eyes trying to locate the easels. He was dressed in a tank top that already bore smears of paint, all in different colours and different stages of fading to indicate the inconsistency of their ageing. When you looked at him, it was to find he was smiling and you felt yourself put at ease.

"I figured that we should do something less formal, something fun- 'cause you said you hadn't painted since you were a kid, right?" He said. "Which means the last time you painted was for fun and that's what we wanna do here- finger painting. You don't have to do anything that's focused on perfection. It's to just play in the paint, you don't have to try to impress me. Nothing too serious."

You snickered before you could stop yourself. "Sorry. It's just… you just literally always look like every situation that you're in is the most serious thing in the whole world."

He narrowed his eyes into a glare. "Just for that- you're getting the smallest canvas."

The two of you took up a place on the ground, cross-legged and surrounded by bottles of paint of seemingly every colour. He had one canvas laid out in front of him and, in the opposite of his threat, it was the smallest of the three. You had your own sitting in front of your folded legs, at a complete loss of where to start.

"Are you ready?" He asked, tying his hair away from his face into a quick, careless bun. "Or do you need more wine to get the creativity flowing?"

You picked up a bottle of lilac paint, popping open the lid and upending it over the blank white surface. "I've got it covered."

You squirted out a generous dollop towards the bottom right corner of the canvas, pushing it up in a half-circle. Then you collected a bottle of the darkest purple in sight. You worked at creating a gradient, adding in other shades of purple to fill out the canvas.

You kept sitting back to survey your progress, looking over it and letting your sticky hands rest. You couldn't stop yourself from seeing the imperfections - the different sections were inconsistent in size, the lines that separated them too obvious.

Then your overthinking became an issue for you to critique - surely you were thinking too much and messing this whole thing up. Your critical eye was keeping you from properly connecting with this process as he had intended. You worried that you were taking too long, so much of the canvas was still bare and he must be bored.

But when you looked up, you found that he wasn't progressing far ahead of you at all. His canvas had only one corner covered in a small swatch of light blue. Instead of paying any attention to his painting, he was watching you, a small, shy smile pulling at one cheek.

At once you felt self-conscious. "What? Am I doing this so terribly wrong?"

"No, not at all." He said, still looking amused. "I'm just… don't mind me. It's nothing, I'm just curious about your process."

"Does it look like I have any kind of process?" You asked. "Wait, but what about you? Or is this part of your process- studying me like a zoo exhibit?"

"I wasn't… you're cute, okay? And I was getting distracted, 'cause I just wanted to look at you."

You felt a stirring of giddiness in your gut as you smiled at him, it made you tremble, it made you want to take action. You broke eye contact just long enough to swipe your finger through a dollop of paint. "Well, that's not what I came here to do. I wasn't told that I'd be getting googly eyes on me." You leaned forward, across the space between the two of you. "I was promised painting."

You smeared the purple paint across his cheek and he smiled, no witty retorts lined up for this scenario.

"This paint is non-toxic, right?" You asked.

"Yes."

"Oh, that's good, because…" You put a darker shade of purple on your fingers before you dragged them over his other cheek. "Sorry, I just have a thing about symmetry. It would've driven me nuts looking at just one painted cheek."

"Good, I'm glad, I would hate for you to go nuts."

You looked down at his canvas. "You look like you've hit a bit of a creative block here, huh? Do you need some help?"

"Help?" He repeated.

"Yeah, maybe it's the canvas, maybe it's the wrong, like, medium, or whatever." You said. "Maybe if you painted on something else, it could give you a different perspective on what to paint."

He furrowed his brow, tilting his head to the side. "What are you suggestin-..." His eyes grew wide as he watched your movements. "What are you...what are you doing?"

You had grabbed the bottom of your shirt, pulling it off from over your head. "What if you painted on me?" You pushed yourself up onto your knees.

He gazed up at you. "What do you, um, are you sure?"

"Yeah." You said with a shrug. "You said the paint was non-toxic."

He was starting to smile as you continued taking off your clothes, wriggling free of your denim shorts. "I've never really painted on someone's body, and I don't even know if this is the right paint for that. But, that could be fun. I've already kinda got an idea in mind."

"You do?" Your face flushed, your heart pounding - the way you were trembling under his gaze was more intense than usual.

"Yeah." He had grabbed a paintbrush. "I could paint a fish scale design up-and-down your legs, to kind of make you look like a mermaid, mid-transformation or something. Does that make any sense?"

You nodded. "It does and I think that sounds really cool, I'd love to get turned into a mermaid."

"Okay." He picked up the mostly-blank canvas and moved it away, clearing the space in front of him, right before his folded legs. "Sit here and you can just stretch your legs out, or you can lay down if that's more comfortable."

You considered making a joke out of asking if he wanted you to spread your legs. But the words got stuck in your throat. You could feel the anticipation was thick in the air between the two of you and you were silently grateful that you had put on a cute, matching pair of lingerie. 

It was the first time he was seeing your underwear, it was the first time anyone was seeing your underwear. You had been expecting this moment, both excited for and nervous over it. Your body had always been your secret, all of the parts that you didn’t like could be kept hidden.

But now you were exposing and entrusting yourself to him. You knew that he’d dated skinnier girls. Maybe there had been girls who could keep up with him in the gym - girls who had contoured muscles, where you had curves.

But if he noticed your stretch marks, it was for less than a second. His gaze spent most time on your face - this was where he was studying, trying to read what you weren’t saying.

You sat down with him on your left side, stretching your legs out straight in front of you. “Paint me like one of your French fishies.”

“Do you have any colour palette in mind?” He asked.

“None whatsoever.”

He had picked up one of the mixing trays, resting this on his knee, before he started to grab at different bottles of paint. “You started with purple over there, which I appreciate, ‘cause that’s my favourite colour. We could have these warm-toned purples…” He showed each colour to you. “And what I think would also look great, adding in some oranges. Again, in these warm-tones, ‘cause that’ll match the warm colour of your eyes.”

You smiled, he hadn’t required a second look to confirm the colour of your eyes. He already knew this detail beyond a shadow of a doubt. “That sounds good to me.”

He prepared the colours, squirting a few generous dollops onto the palette. You were experiencing what was the opposite of leering - there had been men on the street that had stared at your body for a greater length of time.

“If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, like if I put my hand somewhere that you don’t want it or anything- please, tell me straight away and I’ll stop, no explanation needed, I’ll just…” He demonstrated how quickly he could raise his hands into the air, making you chuckle a little, reminding you of a criminal getting a gun pointed at them. “Okay?”

You nodded with a smile. “Okay, thank you.”

He had wet the bristles of the brush with the purple paint, but he touched your skin with his fingertips. “Are there any ticklish or otherwise sensitive spots that I should avoid?”

You bit into your lip, it didn’t matter how respectful his gaze was, he was still able to make you blush. “No, you can touch me wherever.” His hand halted on your knee, his eyes growing wider. “I mean, when you’re painting, uh, when you’re painting on my legs.”

“Good to know.” He said, his hand holding firm to your knee as his fingers caressed over your skin.

When he did start painting on you, it seemed that he was picking the safest zone possible - creating his first cross over your ankle, the outside of your ankle. In precise strokes, he painted higher up your leg, the purple lines evenly spaced in a uniform pattern.

But watching the painting as it developed on your skin couldn’t hold your interest for very long. Soon, you had found something better to focus on.

“Now who’s studying who like an exhibit at the zoo?” He asked, meeting your eye as he paused to dip his brush back into the paint.

You let out an exaggerated sigh. “Where am I supposed to look, Ethan? You’re right in front of my face.”

“Are you complaining about that?”

“No…” You said, your voice smaller than before as you temporarily looked back to where he was progressing. “I would never complain about having you so close to my face.”

He was smiling as he readjusted how he was holding your leg steady, with his hand gliding up your skin until he could hold you firmly at the underside of your knee. “You’re so cute.”

Even beyond where he was touching, you could feel your skin heating up. “Really? You still think I’m cute, even after I smeared paint on you for literally no reason?”

“No, you had a reason.” He said, his paintbrush beginning to apply colour across your kneecap. “You were being cheeky, which does add to the whole cuteness factor you’ve got going. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you attacked me with paint, but I just hadn’t expected the date to go this way.”

“Is that so?” You asked, eyebrows raised.

The top of your knee was covered, but he didn’t move onto your thigh as you had been hoping. Instead he was guiding your leg over, allowing him to start on the other side of your ankle.

“Yep.”

“You didn’t plan this date- this quite messy date, to have the risk of my clothes getting dirty, so that you could offer to clean them at once?”

“No, I would never try to trick you out of your clothes.” He said.

“You wouldn’t have to trick me.” You said in response to the earnest look on his face. “You could just ask.”

“Apparently I don’t even have to do that.” He joked as he gestured to your current state of undress, making you giggle. “I’m really glad that you feel comfortable enough to sit here with me like this…”

You shrugged. “Comfortable, waiting for any excuse to take my clothes off in front of you. Same thing, right?”

His eyes were wider as he got distracted from turning you into a mermaid again, all of his attention placed on reading your body language. “Oh, is that what you were angling for?”

You sucked on the inside of your cheek, a warm blush taking over your face. “Will it make you think less of me if I say yes?”

He placed the brush and palette aside, covering your unpainted knee with his hand. “Not at all.” The way his soulful eyes gazed into yours, there was no doubting his sincerity. “There is something very sexy about a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to communicate that.”

The change in adjective felt significant and now you were really blushing. “Not cute?”

“No, I meant what I said, sexy.” He said. “I think you’re sexy. I was thinkin’ that before you took your clothes off and I’ll still find you sexy when your clothes are on again.”

You smiled, feeling your heart overflowing with so many giddy emotions. But none of these could be translated into words, there was a lack of efficient language in your head right now.

You endeavoured to let your actions speak for you instead, planting a hand on either side of his face and drawing him in closer. You were still grinning as your lips met, with your fingers caressing his cheeks while one of his hands moved into your hair. Your chest swelled, the excitement pumping through your system faster than ever.

He put his arm around your waist and your bodies were even closer as he followed the hungry rhythm that you set. You grasped his shoulders as you felt yourself in what could have been familiar territory - you were comfortable kissing him, he had told you what he liked, you didn’t get nervous over this level of intimacy.

But the thoughts rushing through your mind kept you feeling that this was only half-familiar. You sunk into every sensation, but you were thinking of what else you could feel. The excitement was at a dizzying height and your breath grew shallower as you prepared for a diversion from regular indulgences. His hand on your back touched to where your bra was clasped shut, but it moved away far too quickly.

You pulled away, licking your lips. His eyes remained shut and you saw him remaining in that moment. You craved to know how the desire felt for him - what would you have to do to get him to share it?

“I believe you that this wasn’t how you wanted the date to go, but now that this is how it’s going…” You said, shifting in your dampened panties. “Can we let it go further?” His eyes had fluttered open as he held his hands at the middle of your back - if you had been clothed and in public, this wouldn’t have drawn stares that questioned the appropriateness.

“I wanna sleep with you.” You said as his eyes studied your face, trying to pick out the nonverbal cues he had learnt as you got to know one another. “Can we have sex?”

“You don’t wanna be a mermaid?” He asked.

You smiled as you replied. “Not anymore, I wanna be the girl who gets to say that you’re her first.”

His hand went to your cheek, drawing you in for more kisses. There were butterflies in your stomach, you were so thrilled that he hadn’t rejected you. You savoured each kiss, feeling how it was leading to something more, something grander.

“I want you.” He said, his lips remaining very close to yours. “I want you to show- will you show me how to make you feel good?” His eyes were staring directly into yours. “Will you show me the secrets of your body?”

The intensity of his gaze only heightened the impact of his words, making you start to lose your breath. “Yes, I want you to have them.”

His lips brushed against yours, making your eyes flutter shut before he whispered to you. “All of your secrets are safe with me. Do you wanna lay down and get comfortable for me?”

You didn’t suggest a change in setting, you paid little to no attention to all of the paint supplies surrounding you. You moved out of his embrace, ignoring the crinkling sounds that the drop-sheet made as you started to lie down. Flat on your back, you kept your eyes on him and the thoughtful expression that he wore.

He came over to sit beside your hip, keeping his hands to himself for the moment. “You don’t have to get totally naked if you don’t want to. There’s no need to take your underwear off if you aren’t comfortable with that.”

You readjusted, moving your hands up to the clasp of your bra because you were practically naked already and this felt like the next logical step. You took your bra off and his eyes travelled down to this part of your body, taking in more than anyone else had. You bit into your lower lip as you picked up the waistband of your panties, moving them down, until you could kick them off.

Your whole body was buzzing with adrenaline and you weren’t entirely sure how to act now that you were so far out of your depth. But he was there, so at least you weren’t facing this on your own.

“You can just tell me, at literally any second, if you aren’t enjoying yourself or if something makes you uncomfortable, okay? I need you to know that.” He said.

“Okay.” You said with a nod. “Do you think that you could take your shirt off? Just so that I’m not the only naked one.”

“Of course.” Instantly he grabbed for the bottom of his shirt.

You watched this keenly, a smile forming on your lips as your eyes moved over that perfect torso. “Nice.”

He chuckled as he tossed the shirt off to the side, some of his hair fell loose from the tie in this process. He smiled when your eyes met again. “Do a big stretch for me, okay?” He raised his arms up above his head and you copied this demonstration. You stretched all the way down to your feet, even pointing your toes. “Good. Do you feel that tension melting off of your body?”

“Yeah.” You said. “So, what is it that you wanted me to do exactly?”

“I wanna know how to treat you the way that you like, so if you wouldn’t mind giving me a kind of tutorial by touching yourself. Only if you want to. I think it will help you relax and it puts you in control of the situation, which is how I want it to be.” He said.

“Okay.” You said and you laid a hand down over your bare cunt. You weren’t sure how to start, but you knew that your pussy was getting desperate for attention.

You could see the encouragement in his eyes and you moved your thighs a little further apart. Touching lightly, you used your fingers to explore the curves of your crotch. You could feel how heated this area was as your fingers brushed over the tight curls of hair.

You massaged your labia, just letting the blood pool in this area for a moment. He leaned down alongside you, using an elbow to keep himself somewhat propped up. He seemed unable to determine where to rest his eyes, looking from your pussy to your face and back again, the most thorough audience you could ever have.

You slipped your hand down lower, extending two of your fingers. With these, you sought out your entrance. You weren’t surprised to find just how wet your cunt was as you moved your fingers for the hole. You spread yourself open with the tips of your fingers.

He leaned in closer, his breath warming your face before you felt his lips caressing yours. You kissed him back as you ran your fingers up-and-down the sides of your entrance. He broke away only slightly, murmuring against your lips. "Take your time, okay?" You kept your fingers in their steady motion as he looked into your eyes. "There's absolutely no hurry."

You nodded, unable to think of anything to say right now. He remained close, kissing you slowly, with little breaks in between so that he could keep watching you. You guided the tips of your fingers inside of your wet walls. You maintained control, only going in slightly, just to get your fingers coated in the eager moisture.

You took your fingers up, gliding them up to your clit. With your thighs clenching, you began playing with the sensitive bud. It felt exciting and dreamy straight away, making you want to keep going. He put one hand to the back of your head, cradling you here as his eyes moved from your face to your pussy again, almost like a pendulum swinging back-and-forth.

You rubbed the hood up-and-down, taken in by the building sensations. He was seemingly transfixed by you and you let him see you squirm. Your chest was tight and you started to press a little more firmly.

You didn't stop to question yourself, or give time for shame to sink in, instead you somewhat confidently followed what felt good. You swirled the tips of your wet fingers around your clit, making yourself quiver in the process. You kept going as your knees shook and he began pressing kisses to your lips again. You slipped into the momentum with him, your mouths moving in sync with one another.

You stopped your swirling, seeking out a different kind of stimulation. You extended your middle finger and moved your hand down, until you could penetrate your cunt. You went in properly this time, whimpering against his mouth as you pushed in deeper.

His curiosity prompted him to break the kiss and he looked down at your progress. Lightly, he placed his hand over the wrist of your occupied hand. “Does that feel good?”

It took effort to swallow. You were sure that your eyes and reactions were giving away your enjoyment. But he wanted to hear it. And that was intimidating, you weren't accustomed to speaking during masturbation. He wanted you to expose what you were truly feeling, inviting you to savour something you could occasionally feel ashamed of.

But you felt soothed, trusting he would take care of you and whatever you offered to him.

“Mm-hmm, yeah. I really like the way it feels.” You said.

“Do you wanna keep going?” He asked.

“Definitely.”

He smiled and pressed his lips to yours. “Show me more.”

You had started to move your finger, going back-and-forth between your receptive inner-walls. He kissed you more, at the same time his hand was leaving your wrist, moving to cover your hand. He was just shadowing you at first, getting a sense of the momentum you had established.

Then you felt him properly grip your hand, this was followed by him adding to your pumps, guiding you to more defined conclusions. You couldn't determine if it was his influence or not, but you began to increase your speed. This allowed you to tap into some wonderful friction.

As you kissed him back, you could feel your gut tightening because you were anticipating the next level of this pleasure. You couldn't help it. You were feeling confident that an orgasm would happen, but first you needed to get through that intimidating loss of control, marked by wild tremors. It was all getting closer, you were sure of it.

“What do you usually do next? Do you go in deeper and try to get your g-spot?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” You said, keeping your eyes shut.

“Do you wanna show me, baby?”

Your breath shook, not filling your lungs as much as you hoped for. “Mm-hmm.”

His hand remained attached to yours as you began extending your finger in deeper. You concentrated on moving it the right way, bringing your other fingers flush to your wet labia. He was too distracted by watching you to kiss you presently. Your breath skipped again-and-again as you strived for consistency.

You found the sweet spot, warmth blooming into your tummy in response.

But you didn't get fixated on this stimulation. You moved your hand, acting on an impulse before you could overthink it and get scared. You removed your finger so that you could change the way his hand held yours, you relocated his hand to the bottom. Now your hand was going to guide his as he gained uninterrupted access to your bare skin. You pressed your finger into the back of his middle finger, giving him the indication that this was the one you wanted.

He didn’t rush, letting his finger get slowly swallowed by the warmth of your pussy. He took a moment to watch what he was doing.

When his eyes moved back to your face, you felt like you could have immediately caught fire under his gaze. It was intense, so intense that you didn’t know what to do.

Your only solution was to return his intensity by kissing him. You wrapped your arm around him and lifted your torso from the floor a little. You shut your eyes as you captured his lips with yours. You enjoyed a kiss that felt like it didn’t have to end - both of you had nothing but time to explore this new level of intimacy, which kept your heart fluttering.

You preferred the feeling of his finger in your cunt. Your appreciation for the thicker digit only increased when he began to curl it, reaching up once he was in deep enough. A little whine left your mouth because you were feeling amazed over how easily he had found your g-spot.

Even more amazing was what he could do with it. Dazzling tingles were spread all throughout your body as he ended every plunge of his finger by colliding with your g-spot. As he steadily worked his finger back-and-forth between your inner-walls he made you wait to feel the tip of his finger in that magical spot again. The anticipation made you squirm. And it was always worth the wait.

You couldn’t help the way that your hips started to move, excited little thrusts that worked to their own pacing. When you weren’t actively thrusting, there were twitches and shivers that took over your body. You clung to him even tighter, your fingernails pressing against his skin.

You were moaning before your mouths separated, the sound only getting louder once the kiss had ended. You held your eyes shut, trying to come to terms with the pressure that was building up at such a deep point inside of you. It was going to get overwhelming, already proving to be inescapable.

“Is-... does that feel good?” He asked.

You gave a little laugh. “Yeah, it’s-... do you really need to ask me that?” You met his gaze. “I thought it would be obvious that I’m liking it.”

A sly smile came onto his face as the movement of his fingers eased off slightly (it felt like he was giving you a chance to think, how considerate). “Well, yeah. But do you have any idea how sexy it would be to hear you saying all the things that you’re feeling and enjoying, the things you’ve never shared with anyone else before?”

“That sounds dirty.” You said.

“Yeah, you could call it dirty talk.” He said and you almost felt like laughing again. “Did you want to try it for me?”

You hesitated. “What if I’m not good at it?”

The first part of his response was to kiss you. “Don’t think so much about it, baby. It’s the honesty that makes it sexy, you don’t have to be poetic, or even grammatically correct. And no matter what you say, I will not laugh at you. I promise.”

You nodded as you looked into his eyes, not doubting him for a fraction of a second. His words were immediately believable because he almost always looked so damn serious.

“Okay.” You said, moving in closer to him and closing your eyes, this made it easier to feel like you could lose yourself in all of this.

You kissed him, trying to think without falling victim to overthinking. He let you feel more stroking from his finger and this helped you break free of any thought cycles. You caressed his cheek as his massaging continued to give you indescribable sensations.

“You can go faster…” You said, unable to get your voice above a whisper. “I wuh-... would you go faster for me?”

“Of course, I’ll do anything you want.” He murmured against your lips, his words quickly followed by kisses.

He pumped his finger with more speed and maybe he went in deeper too. This prompted more eager whines to swell up in you and he consumed them all instantaneously.

You had never felt closer to anyone else, you thought you might stay on this high for at least a day, maybe longer. “You’re making me… that feels so good.”

“Good, baby, that’s exactly what I want.” He said, his voice was the perfect companion to all of the sensations rushing you. “Can I try a second finger?”

“Yep, I wanna try that.” You said.

His lips went to your very warm cheek as he retracted his finger, just the tip of it held by your cunt. Then he eased a second fingertip into this space.

Slowly he extended both fingers and your cunt adjusted for this. He didn’t rush for depth and you felt a new kind of warmth rushing out from your core, reaching down both legs. It was decadent, inviting you into the sweet surrender.

“Breathe deep.” He said in between kissing on your cheek.

You did this, your chest trembling in the process. At the same time you were feeling his fingers going deeper. You followed with another deep breath while your attention was primarily consumed by the gentle spreading of your cunt. It was more important than your breathing rate currently was.

“Is that too much?” He asked.

“No, I like it.” You said.

“That’s perfect.” He breathed into your ear.

He wasn’t stopping, there was still more of his fingers to fill you. Your cunt continued to accommodate this with the eagerness that you felt with each heartbeat. There was a pressure starting in the deepest part of you and you knew exactly what it could lead to.

Once his fingers were entirely buried inside, he tensed them. Then they curled and he was reaching for a different angle. Your breath caught when you realised he was going for your sweet spot again.

Both of his fingertips crashed into your g-spot, making your head fall back. You latched your hands onto him, gripping with all of your strength. You arched your back, feeling even more pressure at your core.

“Oh, Ethan…” You rasped as he brought motion into his fingers, bringing them back so that he could repeatedly push into your sweet spot.

Your hips were rocking again. Your movements weren’t perfectly synchronised to him, you didn’t have the coordination for that. This was just about using some of the powerful energy in your body, and the bits of friction you earned felt like an extra reward.

“Do you wanna come?” He asked.

“Yeah, yes, I do, I really wanna.” You said.

He moved his fingers faster again, until his treatment of your sweet spot was relentless. You could feel yourself beginning to fall apart, your sensitivities absolutely dominating you.

“Alright then, come for me.” He said.

Your eyes fluttered open to find him watching you, a careful stare that noticed every reaction. You were too filled with ecstasy to get weighed down with the insecurity that you would look ugly as you orgasmed. You let any thinking like that go.

And before too long, the pressure inside of you was snapping. You swore as your body jerked into his. It felt like all of your muscles were melting and you were grateful for his arm around you to keep you at least a little steady.

He pulled his fingers out of you, enabling him to wrap his other arm around you. As the warmth of your release started to peter out, the warmth of his body comforted you. His lips covered your forehead with kisses as you started to catch your breath again.

“Good girl.” He whispered. And even though this was the first time you had heard this, you immediately liked its sound. “You’re such a good girl…” You had started to smile, feeling like you had earned this compliment. “Good fucking girl.”

“That felt amazing.” You said, still elevated by the tingles in your body.

“Thank you for sharing your secrets with me.” He said and you lifted your head as you began to keep your eyes open for longer. “I appreciate it.”

You were infatuated by the high that filled you, and it had spawned from him. You caressed his cheek as you admired him. “What about your secrets?”

He furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it can’t just be all about me. What about how you’re feeling? I hope that got you turned on.” You said.

“Oh, it did, it really did. You don’t have to worry about that.” He quickly told you.

“Good.” You said and you placed a kiss on his lips. “So, don’t you wanna have sex?”

“No, I do, I definitely do. The idea of being your first is appealing to me, very appealing.” He said. “But I don’t wanna overwhelm you.”

You sat up, feeling more assertive. You put your hands on his cheeks and kissed him. “Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing. In this context, being overwhelmed could be a great, fun thing, right?” You gave him some more kisses. “I know that some people really like overwhelming their partners. It’s okay if that’s a thing you aren’t really into. But I’m not against-”

“It’s not that I’m not into…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Even if we put that aside, approval or disapproval, whatever. Beyond that, no matter what I do, no matter how gentle I try to be: it’s going to hurt you. That’s just the nature of first times, and I only want to make you feel good.”

“It can’t be that bad.” You said while you were still feeling brave.

“You might not be able to walk tomorrow.” He said.

This was such a dramatic statement that you couldn’t help the way you burst out laughing. This was something that would get said in porn, not real life. It was so unexpected and over the top that you couldn’t take it seriously, not at first.

Then you realised that he wasn’t laughing with you. He wasn’t smiling, not even a little bit.

Feeling awkward, you raised a hand up to cover your mouth as you started to get your laughter under control. As the sound died down, he continued to look at you with that serious expression.

“Sorry, I really thought that you were joking.” You said.

“No, I’m just trying to prepare you for what will probably happen if we sleep together.” He said.

As it got clearer that he wasn’t going to reveal this as some sort of prank, you tried to wrap your head around what he was actually saying. It seemed that he meant these words he was saying, so you needed to figure out how that made you feel. It was difficult to know how to respond to something so unexpected.

“Honestly, I don’t know-... I don’t get it. How is losing my virginity gonna affect my ability to walk?” You asked.

He cast his eyes down, taking an extra moment to gather his thoughts as he swallowed. “It’s ‘cause you wanna lose it to me. And I’m…” He hesitated, sighing. “This is gonna make me sound like such a fucking douchebag. But I’m- well, it’s kinda big. And your pussy, and your body are gonna go from nothing to a lot. It could turn out to be more than you can take.”

You definitely didn’t feel like laughing now. “Shouldn’t it be up to me to decide what I can or can’t take?”

“Baby…” He sighed.

You put your hands to his cheeks, easing him into looking up at you, meeting your eye again. “I appreciate you trying to, like, warn me. But I’m not worried like you are, and I don’t want to get into that headspace. I don’t have work or any kind of plans for tomorrow, so I can spend the entire day in bed, off my feet if I need to. I believe this will be worth it.”

You saw his lips part and you rushed to add another point before it was his turn to talk. “Please don’t ask me if I’m sure, because I definitely am. I couldn’t be anymore sure than I am of the fact that I wanna lose my virginity with you.”

“You’re really sexy when you’re all assertive like this.” He said, hints of a smile coming onto his face. “I can’t say that I’m not attracted to this side of you.”

“Explore it with me.” You said, inching closer to him as you were feeling encouraged again. “Stop worrying and just…”

You concluded your thought by putting your lips to his. To you, everything was so clear in that kiss.

But he gently broke it before you were ready for it. “Not here.”

He secured your hand in his then started to get up from the ground. You were grinning as you stood up as well. He led the way and you keenly kept up with him, heading for the hallway that led to his bedroom.

You had only been passing by this room before. The uncharted territory was very exciting.

He walked toward the bed, but turned to you rather than sitting or lying down. His eyes appraised you and you felt quivers throughout your body as his hands caressed your naked sides.

He licked his lips as you eased yourself in closer, feeling his body heat touching your skin again. He let you initiate the next kiss, stepping up the intimacy. He kissed you back as you put your hands on his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around you, bringing you to press against him. As you enjoyed this closeness, you got the sense that he had stopped being so consumed by his worries. And so you didn’t have to keep yourself prepared for this embrace to end at any second.

You slid your tongue past his lips, tasting him deeper. At the same time he trailed his fingertips down your back. You felt so secure with him like this, even though you couldn’t predict what he was going to do next.

He didn’t rush you to progress, it seemed that he was perfectly happy to just go on kissing you. You tapped into your assertive streak, initiating the next step as you desired it. You moved your hands to the top of his chest and pushed, only separating from his mouth once it was absolutely necessary.

He knew what you wanted without you having to speak. He backed up a couple of steps. Once he was close enough, you gave him a proper shove, getting him to fall back and land on the bed, his hair (which had come completely loose at some point) fanned out in the air around his head. Before he could get settled, you proceeded to place yourself on top of him. He put his hands on your body, supporting you as you climbed on top, bracing yourself with a knee on either side of his hips.

He gathered your hair up in his hands, holding it away from your face as you swooped down to capture his lips. As you kept kissing him, you pressed more of your body into him, gradually bringing more of your weight to rest on him.

When you eased your tongue into his mouth again, he moved his hand to the back of your head, encouraging you as he gently held you in place. Serving your greediness, you started to grind your body on him. At the same time you were massaging your tongue on the roof of his mouth. You could feel his body responding to you and it invigorated you. 

“You’re so perfect.” He said as you moved your lips lower, exploring onto his chin, and then throat. “Your sexiness: I can hardly believe it’s real.”

You paused, so surprised that you had to look at him. “How do you think I feel when I’m looking at you? You’re so unbelievable, Ethan.”

He gave you a quick kiss. “We can stop anytime you need to.”

“Thank you. But that feels like the opposite of what I need.” You said. “Please keep talking to me. Through the whole thing: please just talk to me, that’s what I need. But not like I’m a virgin that you have to over-explain everything to. Talk to me like I’m any other girl.”

“But you’re not any other girl.” He said.

Whatever you had been planning to say next promptly went flying out of your head. As you stared at him in the aftermath of that statement, you felt like you could have melted. You rushed to memorise these unexpected words.

A moment was necessary to gather yourself. “Just don’t feel like you can’t do shit with me. I don’t know what I don’t like, not really. So I wanna try heaps of stuff, everything. It’s gonna be amazing for me, no matter what. But I want it to be amazing and fun for you too.”

He lifted himself up a little, kissing you. “It already is, babe.”

He wrapped his arms around you as he readjusted, getting himself into a sitting position. Your body was controlled, ultimately moved off of his. He guided you onto the bed, then showed you that he wanted you to lay down on a pillow. You complied, getting comfortable as his attention went to the nightstand.

“I’ve got a lubricated condom here.” He said and you saw the small, packaged item now in his hand. “That should help us with, um, the fit. But if it starts to hurt, I need you to tell-...”

You placed your hand over his, giving it a brief squeeze to ensure that you had his attention. “I will. Could I see it, so I know what I’m preparing myself for?”

He held the square wrapper up for your benefit. “It says extra lube on the packet, but I’m sure it looks just the same as any other condom.”

“Uh-huh, I meant your cock.” You said. “And I think you know that. Please? You’ve been seeing me naked for hours now.”

He bobbed his head as he moved his hands down to the fly of his jeans. “Okay, you’re right.”

You did your best to affix your poker face (you hoped it was enough to convince him that you weren’t intimidated, as it was enough to convince your co-workers that you were genuinely interested in small talk with them).

He got the pants undone and down. As he removed them altogether, your eyes went to the shape that was pressing against the inside of his briefs. Your breath came in a little quicker as you properly registered the fact that you were about to see something you had fantasized about many times.

He started to take the underwear down, and quite quickly his cock sprung free. Your eyes grew wide because it was big - he hadn’t been over-exaggerating from a place of ego. You thought that both of your hands wrapped around it wouldn’t be enough to cover the entire length.

“Do you remember what I was saying a couple of minutes ago- about how you’re unbelievable” You asked as he removed his briefs. “Yep, I’m very confident that I chose the right word.”

He smiled, looking bashful. “Thanks, babe. We can take it as slowly as you like, I don’t want it to be too much for you.”

You parted your legs, creating a space that he could fill. “What if I want it to be too much?”

“You’re very ambitious, huh?” He asked as he tore into the condom wrapper. “Is that something that was covered in your birth chart?”

“Oh yeah, it’s in there. Does the ambition take away from my sexiness, or does it add to it?” You asked. You were hoping it wasn’t making you seem rude the way you couldn’t consistently make eye contact with him. You were getting distracted by watching him put the condom onto his erection.

“Adds to.” He said with a decisive nod. “Nothing could take away from how sexy you are.”

He got all of his shaft covered, then he started to lie down with you. He took his turn to be on top, kissing you as he settled into this new position.

You had never felt his body like this before, with nothing to interrupt or distract from the sensation of skin-on-skin. You didn’t mind the way this kept you from totally filling your lungs. Instead your focus went to noticing the brand new spots where you could feel his body connecting with yours. You were excited by what you didn’t know, rather than intimidated. You wrapped your arms around him, thrilled by the possibilities to be explored.

“Mm.” You hummed against his lips. “Are you gonna show me the secrets of your body?”

He caressed your hip, giving it some experimental squeezes, which you were definitely enjoying. “Yes, I’m gonna for you, my good girl.”

The hints of possessiveness in his tone pleased you, added to the intoxicating feeling in your head. You kissed him because you didn’t have any words worthy of saying right now. You knew you wouldn’t be able to express how marvellous it felt being wanted more so than you ever had been before.

He did some readjusting in the space between your legs, only one of his hands held onto you as he altered how his body weight rested on you. This led to you feeling something new pressing against you, high up on your inner-thigh. It took you a moment to recognise that this was his erection. The realisation made your heart skip over some beats.

The curiosity was burning through you. But you weren’t left waiting long to feel his dick on your crotch, being directed to your entrance. You kept kissing him, concentrating on what you knew you could handle.

You felt some pressure at your entrance, but it didn’t progress to anything more than that. You thought his hesitation had everything to do with you. Without separating from his lips, you showed him that you were ready for more by grinding your hips on his.

Your eagerness only grew with the tentative tempo that you moved your hips with. You could feel how sensitive from the earlier orgasm your pussy still was. The blood rushing back into this area made you notice a throbbing.

You got your hips lined up in a way that allowed you to drag your pussy up-and-down his shaft. You rubbed your wet heat along him, prompting him to wrap an arm around your middle, holding you firm to his body. The sounds of your lips meeting was soon accompanied by his quick inhales.

Your confidence in your movements was continuing to grow, but he was soon interrupting by drawing his hips away. There was some distance between your bodies, and you instantly disliked it.

But before you could figure out how to fix it, he was coming back to you. The first thing you felt was his cock, the tip pressing into your cunt. He didn’t pull it back this time. Instead you got to feel the increasing pressure that came from him beginning to fill into you.

You clung to him tighter than before, depending on the security of his embrace through these brand new sensations.

He paused while there was still more length to be buried into you, his arms tensed as he braced himself. “You okay, baby?”

Your heart was racing and you could feel quivers rushing through your system as you stood on the precipice of more. “Yeah, yep, I can take it.”

“Breathe deep.” He said, those serious eyes watching you carefully.

You nodded, but this very simple instruction took more effort than usual to complete. Your chest slowly inflated as you drew in a shaky breath. Your eyes fluttered shut and you moved your focus to how the breath felt.

As you were exhaling you felt him move closer, pushing in deeper. The pressure seemed to become more evenly distributed through your body, a presence you had to acknowledge.

“Good girl.” He said, inserting more of his length gently. “Do you like it?”

It was all-encompassing and the hints of intimidation only added to your excitement. Everything you were feeling was brand new, an intensity you had never achieved before.

And you knew you wouldn’t be the same after this.

“Yes, I really do.” You said.

He smiled, while appearing just as serious as he always did. He kissed you softly and you immediately responded, parting your lips and showing him more passion.

A moan was passed from your mouth to his as you felt him coming deeper again. One of your hands went to the back of his head, your fingers tangling into his hair. Your body was burning for him as you tried to prepare yourself for more.

His tip gently spread you further and you sucked on his top lip in response. More needy little sounds built up in your throat as your pussy adjusted to him.

With his lips still touching yours, he spoke. “You feel so good and you’re doing really well for me.”

You were continuously clenching and relaxing for him, your body’s only priority was to accommodate him. His kisses moved down to your throat again. Your mouth stayed open, trying to reclaim some air for your lungs.

He slid an arm beneath your body, lifting you from the bed. Locked in his embrace, you felt how he started to move, no longer just filling you. Between your sensitive walls, he rocked his dick, hitting new spots, all of them so receptive.

You swore under your breath as you marvelled at how perfect this motion felt. It was accelerating everything, while still giving you moments to slightly recover.

Your fingers clenched around the strands of his hair when he got a little faster. He moved with less hesitation, showing you more of what he could do with this determined rhythm. Your system pumped a gooey-kind of warmth through your body, the pleasure affecting so much of you.

He whined against your skin as he powered deeper. Your body jerked up into his as you were surprised by a new level of intensity.

“Uh, Ethan…” The syllables came out as strangled noises - nothing like how you were used to hearing your own voice.

“Are you gonna come for me again?” He asked and you felt his firm hand caressing the side of your face.

Opening your eyes to find him staring at you made your heart do a somersault and it felt like your knees turned to jelly. But you felt so safe, he didn’t need to say it.

“I want to.” You said and you turned your head, repositioning your mouth so that you could lick his thumb. “I really want to. But I want you to come, so badly.” You wrapped your lips around his thumb, giving it a brief suck. “Please, I want it. I want you to come.”

He gasped and you saw a new look in his eyes as you sucked more. Had he started to pump into you harder, or were you just getting more sensitive to his movements?

“Yeah, I- fuck, I will, baby. I’ll tell you when I’m getting close.” He said.

You kept his thumb in your mouth. You did your best to hold your eyes open, wanting to see the reactions dawning on his face. His responses, even in their subtlety, made you feel like you were doing it right, something you hadn’t expected.

“It’s not hurting?” He asked.

“Fuck no.” You said as quickly as you could.

He showed you a relieved smile, still working his hips into yours. His thumb left your mouth as he moved his hand lower, grabbing your hip.

“Baby…” He cooed. “Can you follow my lead?”

“Mm, uh-huh.” You said, knowing he would make sure this was something you could handle.

“Good. Move with me.” He said, and with a pull on your hip, he got you to rock up. “Mmn, yep, keep moving just like that.” You repeated the motion, feeling less uncoordinated than before. Then he was matching his movements to yours, adopting a different pace. “That's good. Yes, that's good. Do you like it?”

“Yeah.” You said, finding you could slip into a momentum without too much difficulty. To help brace yourself, you laid your hands against his sculpted chest. “I really fucking like it, Ethan.”

He held an arm under your body, supporting you away from the mattress and guiding more of you into the tempo. You were proud when you could consistently match him, your inexperience wasn’t leaving you behind.

The way your bodies matched felt Heavenly. The synergy was more than you had anticipated, feeding into the desire that burnt in your gut. You thought that every place where your skin met his would be marked with this lust for hours afterwards.

“This tight pussy was worth the wait.” He said.

He moved you into rocking quicker and you could pick up this tempo, feeling confident that this motion was something maintainable. It heightened the pleasure, your heart going faster because your widespread tingles were gaining power. You felt the excitement everywhere, your body becoming primed for the release.

With every movement creating more thrilling sensations, you started to go quicker, wanting to lessen the time spent between those rewarding peaks. You rutted yourself into him at your new, energetic tempo.

When he began matching you, he glided in deeper and made contact with your g-spot. Fireworks filled up your mind and your lungs froze around the current breath. Before he rocked back, you thought you could lose yourself entirely.

His next pound concluded at your sweet spot as well, then the next and you were soon consistently seeing fireworks. Keeping quiet was no longer an option, not while your composure was being turned into shreds. You wordlessly sobbed, getting louder than the sounds of your bodies collisions.

“Don’t stop, please.” You begged before he could have the chance to pause and check in with you. “Please don’t stop, please, please, baby please. Don’t stop, please don’t fucking stop.”

He didn’t falter, not missing a single jolt. You weren’t able to keep your eyes constantly open. But when you did gain a glance at him, you saw the expression on his handsome face, it was full of concentration and looked similar to clips you had seen of him drumming an especially intense part of one of his songs. It didn’t matter when you looked, he was always watching you.

“I know you’re getting close.” He said between little grunts of effort. “I can see that you’re fucking blissed out, it’s so gorgeous. So, so fucking gorgeous and sexy…”

The pressure was so intense that it felt like it could split you in half. But that wasn’t enough to make you stop. You remained invested in this rewarding momentum.

“Come for me.” He coached in a strained whisper. “You’re right there, I know you are. Come for me like the good girl you are.” It started to sound like a chant and you were shuddering wildly against him. “Come, cuh-um…”

Something so deep inside of you burst, a significant rupture and you instantly let everything go. You threw your head back and cried out in triumph. You lost yourself entirely, feeling the most powerful afterglow of your life.

He whimpered and groaned, writhing against your overworked body. But it was only for a moment longer. Then he pressed himself against you, swearing and saying your name as he completely dropped out of the rhythm.

“Cristo…” He sighed as he rocked his body weight back from you.

You were satisfied, but tender. Parts of your body ached and throbbed with slight hints of pain. The exertion had been incredible and you thought it could take longer than an hour for you to start feeling any energy returning.

He murmured your name and you looked to find him surveying you with a deeply concerned expression. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I promise I am. I’m just… you’ll have to forgive me for being a little out of it, my whole world was just rocked and I lost my virginity.” You said, caressing his cheek. “Did you see which way it went?”

This relaxed him enough to show you a slight smile. “No, I’m sorry. I think it’s gone for good.”

You lifted yourself up so you could kiss him. “I’m not sorry.”

»»————-　♡　————-««  

🍑taglist: @bethanysnow - @gr8rainbowpunk - @idyllicbutterfly - @maneskindiva - @maneslut - @saschenkaaa - @slavicgoddess13 - @elvirabelle - @maneskintifoso - @thegeminisgirl - @ha-la-ansia - @butkutee - @ursulalurks - @itsmaneskinbitch - @icarodamiano  - @crwnnjules - @paralianeyes - @fand0mskullfa1ry - @chocolatepizzatyrant - @lizzylynch1 - @kammerstx - @myleftsock - @tellmesomething01 - @adoredamianos - @vittoriaisfuckingpathetic - @gay-for-victoria-de-angelis - @shinshans - @lonnybunnys - @lyricalliz - @chemical-killjoy [join here!]

[felice-jaganshi]

Send Me An Angel

StolasXM!reader fic

Chapter 2 - Background Check

It was Sunday, and Zach excitedly stood at the entrance to Stolas’ foyer. The butler had let him in, and led him through the mansion to the backyard garden.

Stolas was waiting inside a gazebo with snacks and tea, the book Zach had gifted him lay on the table as well.

He looked around at all the plants, “Whoa… this is so beautiful… man, this would be a great backdrop for a soft romance scene.” He was thinking out loud to himself before sitting down at the table.

“Hm, a romantic tryst in the garden? Well, it certainly would be memorable.” He gave a polite smile, unsure if Zach was flirting, or just planning his next story.

Zach smiled at the book on the table before looking Stolas in the eyes, “So, what did you think of it?”

Stolas couldn't help but feel joy at Zach's enthusiasm, “It was quite lovely. You said it was part of a series, yes? I'm planning a trip to earth soon to collect the rest of the books. How many books are there?”

“For this series, it's 8! But the author has two other series as well if you like her writing style. Oh man, if you're going to earth, I should ask you to pick me up some Danmei novels as well, that's the name of the genre.” Zach then began to go off on a bit of a rant, and Stolas let him, glad to learn about a new genre of books to get into.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Somehow the monolog on books turned into reminiscing about their life on earth. “Oh! While you're there, think you could snag me some Prickly Pear lemonade? I miss that stuff so much…” Zach sighed, their ears drooping a bit. His body language was so open with his emotions, like he had nothing to hide. It made Stolas curious what kind of life this sinner had… and what exactly landed them in hell in the first place?! What was his sin?

“Tell me more about your life? How did you end up in hell, if I may ask. I'm terribly curious.”

Zach paused a moment before looking thoughtful, “Oh that? Well… we'd have to go back to my childhood for the full story. Short version is I chose to be here, and landed in the hotel. Hurt a lot too…”

“You chose to be here? Why in all of creation would you do that?” Stolas raised an eyebrow.

Zach looked at him with a serious, focused gaze. “Because this is where you are.”

The look unnerved Stolas immensely. “Ah ha… I see…” 

“Hm, I don't think I explained it right. Let me give the long version, it sounds less creepy that way.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “When I was a child, I had a slightly strange condition that caused me to have these… seizure-like spasms that were harmless, but I couldn't control them. I had one at school in third grade, and well, this was around the time the movie ‘the Exorcists’ was really popular, so every referred to me as ‘the demon kid’ after that. And in the movie they tried to ‘beat the demons’ out of the possessed person, soooo… you can guess how much of a nightmare that was everyday.” His ears were flat as he told the story, holding his own tail and petting the fur to soothe himself.

“Anyways, I loved reading, and didn't have many friends. So I kinda embraced the ‘weird demon kid’ nickname and started reading every book I could find on demons, and watched a lot of anime. Naruto was my favorite… oh, but yeah, you. I read about you in fourth grade, and I couldn't help but imagine, what if you were lonely too? I really wanted to be your friend, because then we could both not be lonely anymore. It was a dream I've had ever since then. I think I was 9 or 10 at that point? Either way, whenever I looked up at the stars, I'd think about you, and daydream about being your friend. It made me feel less lonely.”

 

His words touched Stolas’ heart, and it felt like it was breaking all over again. “Well you won't have to be alone anymore, my friend.” He reached out and placed a hand on top of the one Zach was using to pet his tail. Zach turned his hand over and held Stolas’ back.

“Thank you, neither do you…”

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Before Stolas could press further, the sound of the garden gate slamming open, then shut made Zach jump and turn to look at who was entering their sanctuary. Stolas looked over and smiled, “Octavia! Dear, I'm glad to have you back. How was your week with-”

She looked over and his words were cut off by the glare she gave. She then looked at Zach and sneered, “New boyfriend already? Thought you were still hung up on that imp. Now it's what, hellhounds?”

She always spoke like her mother for the first few minutes after getting back from spending a week under her influence. But she eventually acted more like herself after settling in.

Zach just smiled though, “A friend who happens to be a boy, yes. Nothing romantic or sexual.” He pulled his hand from Stolas’ grip. “Oh hey! That pin on your hat! That's from Linkin Park's minutes to midnight album!”

Her eyes widened in surprise, and her shoulders dropped to a more relaxed pose, “Yeah, how do you know them? They're a retro human band.”

“Oh yeah, I was alive when it first came out on cd. Listened to it all the time. I recommend their Meteora album. It's Daddy Issues the musical, and my favorite.”

She paused for a moment to just stare and take in what was said. “Huh… you know, this one isn't so bad, dad.” She smiled, then turned to walk into the house.

 

Zach turned back to see a complicated look on Stolas’ face. “Really? ‘Daddy Issues’?” He was pouting, Zach realized. 

“What? It's their best album. Did I say something wrong?”

“Oh, just implying she and I have a strained relationship. That's all.”

Zach's ears drooped, “Oh, wait no, that wasn't- I… shit. I fucked up there, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. I mean it.”

Stolas sighed, “It's fine, you're not wrong… the divorce has put a strain on our relationship… but I'm trying my best.”

Zach smiled softly, ears still laying down, “Hey, the fact that you're trying automatically makes you better than most human dads. She may not recognize it right now… but she will appreciate it later.”

He scoffed, “Really? And I'm just supposed to take your word on that?”

“Well, I was a teenage girl once myself. So I kinda have an idea what she's going through.” Zach shrugged like it was a normal thing to say.

 

Stolas dropped his pout, “I'm sorry, you were what? But you're… I'm confused.”

Zach sighed, “I was hoping to just gloss over this. So, I was born a male soul in a female body, because the universe has an obnoxious sense of humor. Fortunately, death decided to correct its mistake, and now I have the correct body. All man bits intact and functional.” He went back to petting his own tail, this time with both hands. He was trying to act like everything was fine, but was worried how Stolas would react. 

“Oh… I see. Well, regardless of that, please don't make comments like that about my relationship with my daughter again. I'll believe it was a mistake this time, but if I sense a pattern, I will take action.” 

Zach nodded, ears perking back up. “Yeah! That's fine, totally understandable. It won't happen again.” 

Stolas relaxed, “Good. Then why don't we go back to talking about the novel? I'd like our meeting to end on a positive note rather than a sour one.”

[corkinavoid]

Which of your fics is your favorite? Favorite character/ scene? : 3

Oh, that is a very hard question, I love it, thank you, now be prepared for a long ramble.

My favorite fic as of right now is either 'Married to Winter', which I just completed, or 'Free as the Wind', which will be posted later on weekends (probably). They are both Fantasy AUs that create some absolutely breathtaking visuals in my head, and I love them dearly. The series 'Mercenary Danny' takes second place, and 'You Should Ask Danny' is firmly on the third.

As for the scenes: I have a favorite scene in every fic I write, and usually, that scene is the initial reason for writing the fic in the first place. It's kind of my way of writing: come up with one scene I want to show the readers and then create five more chapters to build up towards that scene lol

But let's do the top 5 of my absolute favorite moments from my fics because I've been waiting to do this!

First place: chapter 6 of 'Married to Winter', with Danny and Tim dancing through the frozen ballroom and Barbara's vision later. It's just- HGSFjYVCvrDGH I don't have enough words to express how much I love it. I adore it. I'm so fucking in love with that scene I want to eat it.

Second place: chapter 2 of 'Coronation', which, coincidentally, also features Danny and Tim ballroom dancing through the night skies. But it's a different vibe, you know? Okay, I may have a thing for Dead Tired ballroom dancing, I admit.

Third place: chapter 5 of 'You Should Ask Danny', where Danny asks Tim if he likes him and Tim gets rightfully mad at him for only noticing it now. They are idiots, your honor. Idiots in love. And their kiss in that chapter is so precious!

Fourth place: the epilogue of 'Neon Green and Cold Blue' (which is not posted yet, sorry, I'm keeping the schedule). Two words: Family Picture. It warms my heart so much I'm planning to make art for it.

Fifth place: specifically the bit with "hakuna your pacifist matatas" from 'I'll Pay You Ten Times'. I know I wrote that bit myself, but it makes me laugh every time I remember it. Just... Danny.

Honorable mentions: Danny forgetting that the assassins are choking to death in 'My Babysitter Will Hear About This', Jazz demanding to know where her brother is from 'Neon Green and Cold Blue' (also not posted yet, sorry), Tucker's "go, George" from 'You Should Ask Danny', Dan and Danny dueling from 'Fiance to a Star' (will be posted tomorrow ;) ), and Tim transcending time on his way to fight Aragon from 'It Takes Three Days to Get Adopted'.

(Also, not from a fic but from one of my posts, Tim introducing himself as 'Damian' to Danny in my Changeling AU series)

Favorite character to write in general: Sam. She is a bitch and I admire her. (Also, Ember, when I get to write her)

Favorite character to see in my fics: Damian. The stabby child with dubious morals, what more could I want?

Favorite character to write the story through: Tim (which is kinda obvious, most of my fics are his PoV). He is the slightly unhinged observer who is the perfect mix of smart and dumb - at least, well, the fanon version of him, I'm not familiar with canon.

Favorite character to write about: Danny. I love writing how other characters perceive him.

Thank you for the ask!!! I was so delighted to answer it!

[twotangledsisters]

You’re awesome for posting fic updates not only consistently, but daily! Any tips for keeping up with writing?

Thank you so much! I love updates and writing being a part of my routine and I'm glad other people enjoy it too!

And sure, I can think of some tips:

First, there's a mixture of inspiration and forcefulness. I remember when I was really little I read a post somewhere about how if you want to take something seriously, you have to take it seriously on the days when you're inspired and on the days you're not. That changed how I treat art forever!

But years and years later I learnt a more important lesson, to never overlook the power of inspiration.

It's through a mixture of both that I can really keep up with writing. If I only wrote when inspired, sooner or later I'd get a loooong writing block that would leave me simply paralysed. But I'll often do the 'just one chapter' method, and often writing just a few paragraphs will get me back into the flow. But if I'm still very blocked after a chapter, that's fine.

But if I am inspired, I will follow that. Even if it takes my story in weird directions that weren't planned! A good example is that Caine rescuing Cass in the final S1 fic wasn't planned, she wasn't planned to come along in S2 and certainly did not expect her to fall in love... A lot of their scenes came from me writing while inspired.

Now, stuff such as Eugene's near death in S1 finale, the way Koto framed him, the way Cass had to deal with accusations of witchcraft, those stuff were planned way ahead of time!

It's really important to keep that balance, to have plans and also leave room for inspiration to run wild!

An added bonus, if you feel an intense desire to go write a fic that's completely different to the one you're trying to work on, just let inspiration win. I was struggling a bit with the 'Day of Animals' arc in tangled sisters the other day, then I got the urge to do a little Cass oneshot, so I wrote the oneshot in one sitting and have had zero issues writing since.

Sometimes you can unblock writing block with MORE writing! As long as you're letting inspiration guide you.

Second is to take breaks! I update every day but I do not write every day. I write a few times a week and usually have at least one really long session!

One of my currently updating fics 'Always By Your Side' I wrote half of it in like a week, took a few months break, then wrote the rest and started publishing!

Sometimes long breaks can really help. I've taken several long breaks with Tangled Sisters.

Third is stay ahead. With 'Always By Your Side' I have it completely written so I just proof read on the day of upload. Tangled Sisters I keep track of in Notion:

Look how cute my fanfic section is!

I'm usually at least 30 chapters ahead but I did take a writing break recently. Soon as I get the next arc done I expect to be well ahead again.

Fourth, motivation! This one isn't entirely your control, but a huge factor for keeping up is just that I'm super motivated! I can thank the amazing people who comment every day, those who comment occasionally, those who leave kudos or send nice asks like this one!

It does sooo much to make me smile and excited for the stories I'm telling.

And if you look at my fanfic section of notion, I have that little box titled kind words, the content actually changed every time I reload the page, it's linked to a little table where I keep track of all the kind words regarding my fics that I've gotten on Ao3 and tumblr! (I also have several bits of fanart by the amazing @rebecagpfs in that page who I cannot thank enough!!!)

So, although you don't have full control over motivation, having a notebook to collect those kind words can help!

Fifth would be talk to people. Have at least one person who's cool with spoilers cause brainstorming is just easier with somebody else! For me @the-writer1988 has got me through sooo many writer's blocks! Often times I just ramble at her until the problem resolves itself, other times it'd be a more active back and forth. But writing friends supporting each other, always great!

And hey, to anybody who wants to ramble about their fics to me I'm always open! I love hearing about people's fics and am huge on the writer supporting writers sorta mentality!

Sixth is just have fun! If you enjoy what you're writing it's going to be sooo much easier than if you don't.

I do want to point out though, every writer's different! I can sit down and write 10k words in one sitting, but a lot of people can't, just like I need five hour to do a drawing many artists can do in an hour.

Writing is an art and you get faster with experience.

Also, I do daily updates because I adore consistency! Having that routine is amazing for me and I think it's lovely for some readers. But I also accomplish that via very short chapters! Sometimes as short as just 600-700 words. Many authors opt for longer chapters that upload weekly but there still writing the same amount!

So yeah, I do hope this helped!

Thank you so much for the ask :D And if anything didn't make sense, please tell me, it's almost 1am here I just noticed but I really wanted to answer this before bed!

[siriuslyprincesssarah]

A little vent session

I find it so funny that the same people who are getting onto me about supposedly not properly tagging my story are now getting onto me about tagging my story improperly when the endgame is Harry and Hermione, and I have tagged it so from the beginning. Soulmates can be platonic and Harry and Hermione are for NOW, but soon it will change.

Hermione and Draco are a separate story, and what is of them within Enchanted will last four 1/2 total chapters. Two 1/2 which are already posted. The rest will be back to Harry and Hermione fighting each other until when they finally get together near the prologue. I did, in fact, tag it appropriately. As I stated to one reader, when we read a book in real life, we don't have pre-tags. When I started writing fanfiction, there were no tags at all. Many don't tag their fics, but I try my best to tag them to give people a heads-up. A few people just don't like it because I am including Draco. Who is important to the storyline starting during the next chapter.

I finally had enough, and I'm screening reviews. People are being rude and think they know everything and how it is going to be planned out. NO ONE knows everything. I have no beta. All I am is a school teacher who writes her ideas of what she wishes would have happened after the books out into the universe.

This story was conceived on a road trip to Washington, D.C., over one year ago. On my way down, I listened to Spotify and somehow was stuck listening to Taylor Swift's complete collection. Many of the scenes were Google transcribed to my notes after I heard a song and sent myself a note while driving. Since then, I've had an outline of how I wanted it to go. After sightseeing, I'd return to the hotel and work on my outline.

This story was never meant to go this long. Initially, I meant for it to be one chapter a year from 1998 to 2007, then end there—ten chapters total—but I couldn't end it there. It got away from me. Ten turned into 20. Twenty turned into 30. My outline has it sitting at 45 if I end it where I originally planned. I may or may not end it before that and create a sequel, though. We will see. Looking back, should I have gotten them together before 2007? Yes, but I started it in 2007, and the way things fall to make it there for certain things, it has to be 2007. I see Hermione as career-oriented and not settling down straight out of school. Of course, I was that way too.

Ending this rant, I beg my readers to please trust the process. I know there is a period right now that some are unhappy with. When the idea came to me, I knew people wouldn't like it. But putting her with Draco worked for four reasons. First, she has a relationship that no one would think she would and briefly tries to move on from what she feels she will never get with Harry. The second will be revealed next week. The third will be revealed in chapter 35. The fourth will be revealed in chapter 36.

Just bear with me and for those who have stuck around and have supported me here. I'll thank you for doing so. The father is. Harry :) Because, of course, it is, and it never was a question. I just wanted to build a little suspense.

Thank you so much for supporting me and reading this if you did.

[ctimenefic]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to five other writers! 💗

Aaahh thank you for the tag! Okay I'm going to venture back through the mists of time here so, apologies in advance that some of these are not about the vroom vroom men. But we'll go in reverse order, so you guys can just shut your eyes halfway down when we leave the bilgewater of rpf for the filth of the MCU etc.

First off, don't like a gold rush - it was really close between this and positive negatives, and I do consider them almost sister fics, in that they are both one half of Galex going completely insane. BUT. I have this fear about being only able to write AUs. Is that a weird thing to have a hang up about? Probably. Nevertheless, I do. So writing a fic that is plausibly within the canon of, uh, real life sportspeople, is important to me. (However there is one mistake that was a failure of research which will haunt me til I die yay)

Second, Imperator - yes sorry having said I have a fear of being pigeon-holed as an AU writer, here is a historical AU I enjoyed writing a lot. However, it's a fave for me because it's just one scene, but I feel like I got to tell a whole shared life story within it. Nothing else I've published has been this neat and self-contained without feeling sparse, imo. Also, I strongly advocate for evil George as part of a healthy diet.

Third, Indelible Ink - uh oh, fandom change alert, we're in Daredevil land now. Indelible Ink is the sequel to the most popular (?) fic I've ever written. It is a work of endurance. It took me years to complete, and I finished it during the height of Covid in 2020. I have some incomplete fics on my Ao3 profile that still make me cringe with shame, but finishing this gives me hope that someday, I'll clear those WIPs as well. It's also a break up make up, which is truly one of my favourite tropes, because of the complexity of emotion it entails. This is one I look at and go, oh. A grown up wrote that. I'm a grown up.

Fourth, a question to which the answer is not - the only Merlin fic I still acknowledge don't ask about my ff.net account. Similar to Imperator, I like how neat this is – it's three scenes, a single day, there's a deliberate dramatic structure to echo the fact that they're actors. I don't think it's quite as strongly done as it could be in drawing a whole world, in part because the fanon around Merlin Modern AUs was already so pervasive and also because I at one point planned to write a prequel (lol). But it is a sweet and simple idea that I pulled off, like a well-iced cupcake.

Fifth and finally, My ear should catch your voice - back in the Daredevil fandom, this one became a favourite because of the comments I got. In fact, because of the comments I got from one single person. I hope they don't mind me shouting them out, but warmfuzzydyke, if you're out there – I think about you every single time I think of this fic. A lot of the time, I feel writers talk about what they put into a fic, and I certainly did with this one – it has a lot of my feelings, big and small, about faith and music and grief – but seeing what warmfuzzydyke was able to take away from this, god. It's why I still write.

[leonawriter]

OK, so. I wanted to share some behind the scenes extras on my fic "Your Mission Is A Simple One."

Spoilers for the fic and for (vague-ish) parts of Slay the Princess if you haven't read it or played the game and want to!

CWs for Nov. 20th related stuff, and horror-themed temporary suicide references.

First off, the title itself! It's literally a wordplay on Slay the Princess. The name of the draft is "Your Mission is a Simple One: Kill Joker." I only shortened it because shorter, snappier titles seem to work better, but there was also a bit of how "Kill Joker" only works for the first part.

Next, and carrying on with the Slay the Princess references, is the fact that I wanted from the start for there to be a running thread of "Akechi goes in, shoots Akira, and then the next loop is affected by the previous one" with a potential outcome of all the Akiras he'd encountered having actually (somehow) been the same person, or subsumed into the same person, just like with the Hero encountering the Princess, killing her, and her becoming the Shifting Mound.

Also just like the game, I went with five separate scenarios for Akechi to go through.

The first is canon. Clean and simple. He's allowed to cover up and push down his feelings, numb himself, and get out.

The second time is similar, but the difference being (like how you can't repeat the first "good ending" in StP) he's aware. He knows that he's repeating things. I didn't show this in detail, but I figured that it'd be clearly implied, and since he's aware he's repeating, he's unnerved.

That unnerved state truly starts to show itself in the third run, where he quite literally makes himself look his deeds (Akira) in the eye. He can't move, and there are certain similarities here, where the gun is taken out of his hands, to my vampire fic Hunger For A Life, but unlike in that one the voice isn't inside his head; it's actually meant to be Akira, and it's Akira who takes the gun.

The loops don't reset with Akechi's death, they reset with Akira's, because as we find out later, it's Akechi's mindset that there's "no way out" of killing Akira (or his situation in general) that's keeping him here.

The next, fourth loop, is the first one to truly show that Akechi's choices in the past are affecting his present, with Akira referencing things he shouldn't know about (being disappointed in him for being unable to look him in the eye and do the deed, after everything they'd been through).

It also has one of the more visceral moments, with Akechi shooting Akira in the eye; even though I don't describe it in detail, the visual is given where most other times Akechi simply "shoots." This is a result of him slowly being psychologically unable to deal with killing someone he cares about over and over again, and unable to push his emotions out of the way.

The fifth loop has my second-favourite image from the loops, along with the fact that in order to get to the interrogation room at all the hallway almost literally "goes on forever." Because in Akechi's mind, it doesn't matter how much he doesn't want to do this, and how much he'd like to avoid it - he'll always end up there in the end.

And then he meets an Akira who has an eyepatch, which is the direct consequence of his emotional instability in the previous loop. This time there's no ambiguity like there was in the third loop; Akira taking the gun and taking over the role of who's in charge of his own death is explicitly stated. There's also a fair bit of homoerotic tension with how Akira is described as being "soft" and "tender" as he uses Akechi's hands to do the deed (aka, psychologically harming Akechi, and killing himself) because Akechi is either unable or unwilling to do it. This also hearkens back to Slay the Princess, where if you don't want to kill her, she'll often force your hand into it regardless.

It's at this point we reach the sixth loop, and no, I didn't plan on the Devil being number six. It just happened that way. In some ways, I counted loops one and two as a single loop, because they were basically the same.

Loop six is my favourite moment, because it truly shows who Akira is in this fic. H

He's the devil, he's completely in control, he's sitting on the interrogation room desk like it's his fucking throne! He knows damn well what's about to happen, and he welcomes it, because as Akechi says - Akira is an idea. He's a concept, And you can't kill a concept, because it'll keep coming back. Akechi, at this point, both because of everything before and everything he's feeling in that moment, understands that.

However... this isn't necessarily a good thing, because it also means he's starting to stop fighting against his situation, and is simply accepting his place in things.

Which leads us to Joker saving him at the start of the seventh loop (is it irony that he comes to save Akechi on the lucky, or heavenly, number? who knows!).

By this point Akechi is used to violence, and death, and can't see or understand anything outside of that - not too different from his internal thinking in P5R, and definitely close to his engine room thought process.

I wanted Joker here to feel confusing, and ambiguous - was this actually Joker, or was it another of the ones like Akechi had encountered? How much does he know? Had this all been a palace, or something else?

The fact that he's never referred to as anything other than "Joker" here in spite of Akechi knowing that it's Akira is partly to differentiate him from the many Akiras that got killed, but also to point out that this IS the real Joker, and this is, in fact, the Metaverse, before Joker points it out himself. Because while in the Metaverse, they only refer to each other by their codenames once they have them.

Talking of, Akechi talks often of Joker/Akira's eyes - they're dark, they're hard like flint, but they're also often warm (like hellfire). Usually, he can see them through the mask. His eyes are changeable, and shift with his moods.

Then we get to the fact that Joker knows the way out, which... is something that I've been wanting to play with in a(nother, technically) Akechi Palace fic - the idea that Joker is able and allowed to find a way out, because Akechi sees him as being able to do that.

But here, it's also the fact that he's... either in Akechi's cognition, or in actuality, able to almost shape the part of the cognitive world they're in to his whims. He either creates a door, or he finds one, which is meant to lead into a safe room. I never explicitly have them call it that, but that's what I was referring to when Akechi constantly notices it swirling in front of his eyes - it's the same effect we as the player have when we see the safe room shift between what the palace looks like, and what the room would look like in the real world. Akechi being both aware of that and so disoriented by it is meant to show both his deteriorated mental state, but also that this... is not a normal cognitive space.

For Akechi's breakdown, I have to admit that for the longest time, I wasn't even sure when the fic would be taking place! At one point it was post-canon, and at one point it was before Nov. 20th had even happened yet, so, either on or around Halloween, or in the middle of the month. I ended up choosing what I did - that it was a side-effect of their plan - because that worked best with the characterisation and the timing.

Because of that, though, Akechi hasn't yet reached his realisation that not only can he get out of the cycle, but he's better off out of the cycle, too. Where in canon he faced the Phantom Thieves and faced their sympathy, and then his cognitive self's truth (of Shido's opinion of him), here... in a sense, he's faced with how if he keeps following Shido's path that's laid out for him, he'll keep killing off the ones he loves, and killing parts of himself, too, such as his ability to choose his own path instead of a pre-determined one.

That doesn't mean he's happy about it, or that he'll be grateful, haha.

Joker explaining how things had happened was originally one block of dialogue, which I decided felt far too infodump-y. So I broke it apart, and added more of Akechi's own thoughts and reactions - and by doing so, it also shows that he has a somewhat fragmented mental state, too, as he has a hard time focusing.

Again, Joker is the one who finds Akechi, who gets him out. Oracle had her theories, but it's Joker and Joker alone who arrived. None of the other Phantom Thieves are here.

I want to point out that as an Akechi-centric piece this doesn't really focus on the other PT, but if I ever did do anything else in this world, I'd probably want to focus on them, because this must be fascinating to see from their perspective. Their leader is more and more cagey about certain things, is outright strange at times, and when they're all freaking out that they've "lost" Goro Akechi, Akira - who should still be recovering from the interrogation, mind! - up and disappears one day, only to come back with his erstwhile killer in tow, who seems very traumatised.

As he points out later on - his friends don't know anything he's been going through! They're clueless!

Joker's line of "Honestly, I'd like to see you try [again]" somewhat calls back to how he said something similar in "There's Something About Akira," a fic I did where he's a vampire, and when Akechi shoots him he simply gets back up and feeds from Akechi, stating that he "could have followed the plan, but he wanted to see what Akechi would do." It's that same masochistic thrill seeker tendency showing through. They match each other's freak in a not entirely healthy way. Akechi's "are you mocking me?" is ripped straight from that one Thieves' Den conversation with Sumire, too.

Akechi at this point, tries asking if he's had his heart stolen/changed. Joker dances around the subject, not giving an outright yes or no, because... technically, he has done thievery in Akechi's palace. It's just that there are a lot of things that would count as "ambiguous" here, such as: whether this is Akechi's palace at all, whether his treasure has been stolen, if (assuming this his his palace) it has been messed with... and honestly, I think I'd go with "Yes, technically, his heart was changed, but more in the sense that Futaba's heart was, or more accurately Sae's, since no treasure was removed."

The closest thing to "a treasure being removed" is Joker taking Akechi himself out of there. Arguably, it could even count. Akechi, however, doesn't recognise this, and only sees that Joker isn't carrying anything on him at the time.

This is where what I consider the arc words of the story first show up: Don't look back.

It's funny, but at this point I started thinking of it just as much as an anti-time loop story, in a sense. That in order to stop being trapped in a sense of always doing the same thing, you have to look to the future, focus on good things, and not look back. I was reminded of one particular story that handled this very well right up until it fumbled the end atrociously, and I've always felt that it was badly handled and needs a better ending.

"Don't look back" is also, in a sense, a reference to the song Life Will Change, with the lyric "can't hold on or life won't change." Akechi tries to hold onto his old manner of thinking (how easy it would be to kill Joker here) and all he does is nearly create a new loop for them both, before Joker reminds him to focus on him instead.

Originally I'd meant to have a chapter break here, to separate things out, but in the end I just lumped it all together for simplicity. I think it works better like this anyway, not having to wait to upload a second part, or anything.

I wanted to have Akechi make the connection between the Akira in the sixth loop and Satanael all the way back when I was working on some of the earlier parts. I think I got the loops and a few lines of Joker's dialogue done on my phone straight onto Tumblr, and after that it took more time and effort, which meant a lot of time thinking about later scenes.

"You're the devil, aren't you?" is meant as Akechi having a sense of realising that what he'd been through wasn't just a fever dream or hallucination or simple cognition, but something bigger, which is a big deal for both of them.

It's at the point I started thinking about this (and the start of the next scene) that I made my post about Morgana being Hope, and what that means for how he impacts the narrative in canon, because you'll notice that Morgana is almost entirely absent from the story this far; he isn't present when Akechi is being dragged into despair from the loops, and this current scene has him outright disappear right before Akechi catches Akira, before he can vanish into the crowd and be caught by Sae.

Akira, here, is conflicted; he's just defeated god, but he's shown his "true form" (at least, in one particular way) to the world, and more specifically to his friends. He's lost Morgana, and at a critical moment too, right before Sae comes to take either him or Akechi away. And then Akechi is talking about something Akira doesn't want to admit to, and doesn't really... want to talk about at all. One of the big parts of this is that he doesn't really have the hope that anything positive will happen as a result of Akechi seeing him and knowing him fully like that, so he simply hides.

He's also acting counter to what a wildcard should be. His desire to have Akechi simply turn around and walk away, pretending a nicer lie, isn't just a lead-in to Maruki's ideal reality but also a call back to how in P3 the bad ending was achieved through Minato choosing to allow everyone to forget that the Fall (Death coming for all) would happen, letting them live in blissful ignorance up to their deaths, and how in P4 we have Izanami whose fog of lies gets thicker the more the townspeople prefer to avert their eyes to the truth, choosing an easy story over a complicated reality.

That thread - that Akira himself is afraid and flawed - follows through into the next scene, February 2nd.

Since Akechi is alive, there's no doubt over that since he joined everyone sometime around the end of November/start of December. It would have taken a while for him to recover, but they wouldn't have started Shido's palace yet; part of that is also because without Akechi stating Shido's name in the call, they have less to go on, and with Akechi missing, they're focusing on him.

So, the onus of the tough decision isn't on him, but instead falls on Akira.

In a sense, having Akira be self-conscious to this degree in spite of being an "embodiment of the concept of Change" feels like an oxymoron, but it also makes sense - in the menu screens, one of them has him saying "Don't look at me like that" and there's also the lyrics to Behind The Mask, which talk of how he doesn't want to show his true self to anyone, and that he prefers to hide behind his masks. Akira here is aware that it's not feasible to carry on like this, and is aware that Maruki effectively granted him his "normal humanity" back, and is willing to fight - but until Akechi confronts him, in a sense he's using Maruki's actualisation for his own ends.

It's at this point that the roles are reversed from the start of the story. Whereas in the start it was Akechi who needed to be saved and reminded to look forward, it is now Akechi who is the strong one supporting Akira, who is (at the start of the scene) not Joker at all.

In another idea I've had in mind for a long time now, Akira's a fully artificial life created to be a Trickster. I played with the idea that just like in that idea, he wouldn't have existed before the Game, but ultimately decided to have him as someone who'd been human, and now wasn't. I think it's more powerful for it.

Ironically, in spite of effectively being entirely human here, Akira is still the scariest thing in the world to Akechi, again. Because here it's painfully obvious to him that Akira "isn't damning the world to be normal" but- he's doing a far more far-reaching version of an angel going "Be Not Afraid" just for Akechi.

Pointedly, I'd like to say that Akechi's own wish is to have a more or less normal life with Akira where he can just play games of chess in the attic, but also one where he can exit in the friend group without having caused irrevocable harm to at least two of them, so along with Akira's wish here, they'd end up the same as in the canon bad (ideal) ending if Akira had given in to Maruki.

Goro reminds Akira of their Rank 7 confidant, where he threw out the suggestion of Akira giving up everything he'd built to join him. In the game, you get less points if you suggest that you'd think about doing so (aka, Akechi does not want an accomplice route!). He's reminding Akira of the (canon) phone call after he's back home, where he basically says "I don't want you to change - I want to win over you as you are, the way you are." Here, he's re-confirming that this includes not folding for Akechi's own opinion.

I had Akechi's hand shaking as he's reaching to take off Akira's glasses because as much as he wants Akira the way he truly is, he can't stop being unnerved and scared himself; the difference is that he isn't letting it control him.

I also had Akechi use that phrase, "Show me your true form," because it results in him treating Akira like a Shadow, forcefully removing the mask he's put on and reminding him of who he really is.

"He drops the glasses onto the counter. They wont break - not from this." - that line is meant to note that although he's removing Akira's mask, it doesn't mean that he's breaking it. He's just saying "you can be yourself around me." Akira will be putting those glasses back on as soon as anyone else is around.

Akira collapsing in relief, along with his denial of himself (change) is also meant to be a metaphor of sorts for how he has a certain amount of self-hatred, and how he lacks confidence in himself. With Akechi looking at him in a clearly positive way, he starts to regain some of that self confidence - to quote Atsushi of Bungo Stray Dogs, "People need someone to tell them that it's alright to live." Akira gets that affirmation from the person he needs it from the most, and more than that, he gets affection and love.

I had Akechi awaken here because, well... I had to? Really, though, I couldn't simply brush past it, or say it'd already happened, and I felt that having him help someone else (especially another wildcard) out like this, would be a perfect way to have him awaken Hereward. Especially when in canon, he says how he feels not just "so alive" but also that he'll "sow chaos as far as the eye can see" - which suits how he looks at Satanael!Akira perfectly.

Anyway! If you've read all of this I hope you had fun with it, and you have anything you'd still want to ask about the fic don't hesitate to do so!!

EDIT: man I dunno how I forgot to put this in (I was tired!) but a big fun thing that's simply irrelevant to the fic but is still very true is that Akira, here, is very genderqueer. Like, I can see him at some point after he's seen and looked up on Loki, going "oh, same hat!" and turns up the next opportunity he can in a dress and heels. I mean. He IS an embodiment of Change! That absolutely includes not sticking to one gender expression just because it's expected of him.

[galvanizedfriend]

Hi Yokan 👋

I have questions

First question - how’re you doing? Hope life hasn’t been too stressful for you!

Second question - have you been reading anything that has really resonated with you in the last couple of weeks/months.

Third (and most weird) question - if you could choose a superpower what would you choose? (Dumb question I know😂)

Fourth question - most proud moment in your writing career.

And final question - how’s writing going with the Wolf? Hope you’ve not struggled too much in starting it!

hope your doing okay! ❤️

Hi, friend! How's it going?

Can I just say, it's so lovely to get all these questions! ✨ I love this so much, thank you! 💝

First: I'm ok! Work is always stressful these days, I don't think it's going to give me a break until at least September. 😂 But it's not the worst right now. Tomorrow is my birthday and I just the best piece of chocolate cake humanity has to offer, so I'm cool right now. 😇 Just wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. 🥲

Second: I have read 7 books this year so far, but nothing that's stood out as being great, sadly. :( Still haven't had a 5 stars. I finished a thriller called None of This is True by Lisa Jewell which was pretty good, if you're into thrillers. 4 stars, maybe.

In terms of fanfiction, I've have been reading random pieces of non-Kc fic, as per usual 😂 But I have also read The Little Wolf by @morningstargirl666, which is absolutely fantastic, if you haven't read it yet. It's a retelling of the show's canon about the Original family and how they were turned into vampires, with special focus on Klaus' werewolf heritage, and it's so, so, so good! And so much better than canon! It actually gives depth to the siblings' relationships, and it has so many little nods to what we know of them in the future. Beautifully woven! I have also read Till I Tasted You by @kirythestitchwitch, which is a canon divergent AU where a spell goes wrong and Caroline ends up finding out Klaus is her soulmate. It's hot, it has absolutely nom-nom-able dialogues and A+++ interactions between KC, it features Damon getting his ass kicked! I don't know, it's just the whole package. 🤌

Third: This would be a very weird question if I hadn't spent an irrational amount of time thinking about that. 😂 I guess it really depends on what kind of universe you mean, because it varies. But I would very much like to have telekinesis like Prue in Charmed.

Fourth: That's a tough one. I'm an extremely critical person of my own writing, so it's hard for me to feel proud of stuff I've done tbh. 😂 But I think I was pretty proud when I finished The Wolf 2. It's not my personal favorite thing I've ever written, but I think it's probably my best written story. I really like the final part of that story, the way I managed to tie it back to TVD, I think it was very full circle and made the story a lot more unique. I also had a lot of fun writing the Mikaelsons and Caroline back in Mystic Falls after the time they spent in Nola. 😂 So maybe that.

Final: It's... going. 🥲 I took a pause after writing two chapters back to back, tried to work on some other stuff, and then I circled back to it. I've actually just started the next chapter, have a couple of scenes. I don't think this first chapter will be a long one, but I think it will take a lot of editing tbh. 😂 I haven't been at most inspired right now, so not sure how much of what I've written will stand the test of a re-read. I had plans to get a chapter out before the end of the month, but I'm not sure I'll manage it. 🥲 We'll see how this week goes. Pray for me.

Thanks for the questions, friend! I hope you have a wonderful week! ✨

[tailoredshirt]

FIC STATS MEME

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

(I’m doing LS only.)

Open tags from @chaotictarlos @reyesstrand and @alrightbuckaroo (and @welcometololaland!)

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Most hits

A safe distance (9617 hits)

Breakup era AU where TK breaks protocol to save Carlos from bleeding out during an active shooter situation.

I still have a lot of feelings about this one and am proud of it.

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2nd most kudos

Among my stillness was a pounding heart (599 kudos……wow, I didn’t know that laskdjl)

“You…want to talk about the breakup,” Carlos said slowly. “While I’m proposing to you.”

I always wanted TK to be the one to propose, but I also wanted to explore what it would be like if Carlos did.

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3rd most comments

Glitter in the sky, glitter in my eyes (40 comments)

Carlos accidentally gets punched by a stripper at his bachelor party, and TNT responds to the scene.

This was super fun and I actually have a sequel planned where TK’s bachelor party goes to hell too!

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4th most bookmarks

I carry your heart with me (71 bookmarks)

Sappy post-honeymoon fic where TK surprises Carlos with a romantic tattoo.

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5th most words

Inseparable, like gravity (2190 words)

Me, writing the sappiest kink ever? It’s more likely than you think!

(Cockwarming fic. Yes, I have at least two more in the works. Y’all are gonna be so sick of cockwarming by the time I’m done.)

—

Least words

(Technically all 4 of my vids have 0 words, but I went with the shortest fic.)

No competition (486 words)

An awkward kiss, set after their darts date in 1x03.

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I’ll leave an open tag for anyone who wants to do this (feel free to tag me). I’ll also tag @bonheur-cafe @rmd-writes @orchidscript @lightningboltreader @welcometololaland @strandnreyes @sugdenlovesdingle

[eemamminy-art]

1, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 9 for the fic writer asks!

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

At this point, I think I prefer multi-chapter! In oneshots it's like, 2k - 5k words or so, and that's it so you gotta make it count. I found I would be agonizing over word choice and flow and how technically good the writing itself was more than just trying to tell a compelling story. In a multi-chapter fic, it's far too long to worry about every little paragraph or sentence, so I can see the big picture and focus on other things :3 Not to say I don't care about phrasing in multi-chapter too, but I think I'm more likely to seek out repeated themes and motifs than just seeking to make punchy lines. Like for example, in my stardew long fic, I have a repeated mention of movie cliches and tropes when Alex is agonizing over how to express his feelings, to show that he isn't personally all that experienced in relationships and looks to outside sources to model the behavior. And also to tie it off nicely with a particular scene that's related to that same theme (yet to be posted, I don't wanna spoil it! You'll see very soon, like in a few weeks from now)

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

For oneshots, I write as I go. In my multi-chapter fic, I have an outline of the entire story-- all 68 chapters of it!! My friend who is an excellent writer and I hold in really high regard with this stuff showed me how he does his outlines which is as an excel spreadsheet?? 👀 Totally rocked my world, so I've been able to easily visualize and plan out everything I want to put into my story! And I can also include data like word count or planned posting schedule dates, and I have separate tabs in the spreadsheet to keep track of things like ages and birthdays too!

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

I get a lot of my ideas when I'm waking up/falling asleep or doing something that doesn't require much thought. Some aspects of drawing don't really take up brain space for me so at times I'll be rendering or something and an idea just hits me out of nowhere! But it's usually when I'm waking up or half asleep still that I get the most of my ideas!

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I don't, mostly because I'm a perfectionist but also because a lot of good stuff happens when I'm editing. Often times I will add literally hundreds of extra words even on a third or fourth pass of editing, and I just feel like it wouldn't work out as nicely if it was a beta reading it over and maybe giving me feedback.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Middle! I'm honestly so bad with endings. I have a ton of oneshots sitting half-finished in my google drive that are just like. Total banger ideas that maybe even I worked out a beginning for, but I have NO clue how to wrap it up. I think this is obvious in how I open and close chapters in my long fic too, there's a lot of cold opens and then ending on like, idk, some dialog or something haha

As it is I've been already working on the ending to my long fic, because I know it's gonna take a lot of work to iron it out to be just what I envision it to be, so the finale is on I think the third draft currently and still a long way off from being done. But I'm being prepared so I don't hit a snag in a few months down the line when I get to it!!

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

Always!! I read very infrequently because I have difficulty reading, so whenever I do read something, I always make sure to leave a comment! I like to compliment and encourage others! I try to always leave a nice comment in the tags when reblogging art as well, it just feels good to me :3

Get to know your fic writer! Ask meme

[emilyjunk]

hm, so. hi! first of all, i am thinking *a lot* about the grad school universe, so thank you for creating something so amazing? second of all, sorry about the rambling i'm about to do.

so, i was stalking the tag of this universe and saw that tweet of the "crying, manipulative and whore" emoji, and you said it was giving you cady vibes. and then i realized that most of the situations we've got to see of cadina involve regina messing up in some kind of way and cady dealing with that. but! i'm really curious to know about a situation that is the opposite. cady is just in a bad mood and regina is left to deal with it. cady messes up in some kind of way and regina doesn't have it within her to know how to proceed.

i did saw cady liking to tease regina in a lot of ways in your fics, but it still makes me think! i get that regina is very insecure on a lot of things about herself and their relationship, like questioning how cady chooses her even after all these years, even if she drives her crazy. quoting the third chapter of your fic (i am obsessed, yeah, sorry), "Regina hates when they fight. She hates that it's always her fault. She hates that she never learns.", it makes me think. there is no way is always regina's fault! i choose to believe that she is just too insecure to realize a time when cady was the one that started a giantic fight for no big reason.

and also! in the fourth chapter, we've got to see cady being jelous of regina, and regina is pretty cool about it. is there a time when regina does not get cool about, but freaks out instead?

i'm sorry if i am sounding rude, please know it is not my intention (i do not have a way with words, mainly in english, lol). i just really wanted to share this thought. i hope i was able to explain my confused mind right now. anyways, i love your writing and your imagination! thank you for creating this amazing fic. sorry again!

first of all hi! thank you for reading and thinking sm about this universe! i assure you it consumes my entire state of mind. i put your answer under the cut, as it got super long!

yes there are definitely a lot more scenes and aspects of their relationship to explore as the universe grows. it's mentioned they break up all the time but we haven't really seen that yet and what it looks like, so i definitely have plans to explore that. as far as cady messing up, of course it's not always regina's fault! that would be unrealistic. but yeah for sure, regina is super insecure and after she cools down from a fight, i think she definitely realizes that she is a catalyst for certain situations and fights, and she almost always escalates dramatically. i mean. that's just who she is. so even if it's just something small they're bickering about, sometimes she's liable to push too far or hard and then cady will get actually mad, so regina has to find it in herself to try to apologize/deescalate which isnt always easy for her, thus making her feel once again like it's her fault.

i think there are definitely situations though where cady is in a bad mood or something and regina has to deal with that. that also is a bad cycle because regina doesn't always know what to do or how to act, and i think it's easy to argue she likely wouldn't have the best track record of making good choices when it comes to dealing with cady's ~emotions~. Regina's go-to is anger or deflection... I think if Cady was upset Regina's suggestions wouldn't always be what Cady was looking for in that moment. And then that pisses cady off, trapping them in a cycle of fighting or bad moods. this relationship is the epitome of healthy relationship goals obviously.

as for the tweet about about being a crier manipulator and whore with the 🥺 emoji LOL, i was definitely not thinking about this in the context of them fighting hahaha. i was thinking of cady like totally preying on regina being whipped for her and down bad for her cute face and so she can get her way sooooo easily. regina doesn't always start a situation by being all about pleasing cady but you know she ends it that way because she can't stand when cady is mad at her for more than 20 minutes, and even when they're being playful and not fighting, i think regina is almost always first to cave! regina has spent her whole life getting what she wants... i think there is something so desperate in her to have this script flipped and cady for sure knows it. hence why she thinks cady was sent to torture her personally. i understand this is just a personal read of her character and their relationship so if people disagree that's totally cool lol.

as far as jealousy goes, regina definitely has had times where she hasn't reacted as cool with cady being hit on etc. but it's very situational. i think regina experiences a constant battle between feeling superior and inferior. for instance, she's not gonna look twice at some freshman hitting on cady. regina is so far above that kid she knows it's irrelevant and even acknowledging him is insulting to her. but at the same time she definitely feels insecure that cady might emotionally connect with someone regina thinks is more......... for lack of a better word, stable? than she is. regina is aware that she is extremely reactionary so sometimes she just says whatever and does whatever and gets mad or upset but she doesn't mean it, or she just needs to walk away and come back, and she probably sometimes feels insecure cady will want someone less volatile. cady doesn't obviously. cady understands this about regina and even if it pisses her off and drives her crazy sometimes, it's not a deal breaker.

welp hopefully that was some fun meta for you because this got long! this ship is fun to play around in the sandbox because they are both a little too obsessed with each other and that makes them act pretty extremely sometimes. but they're still the biggest softies for each other. okay cool thanks for the ask i should go now before i write 10k more analysis.

[adutchlover]

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?

24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?

38. What is your most self-indulgent wip?

aaaaaaaaaa first of all thanks for asking ♥ i love these stuffs

11. Usually jump around. I have a serious problem called my mind. My plots come from very random ideas, like an intrusive perverse thought (like the nose fic, I was like girl????). So, usually my scenes come from a really random moment, and I write them in my fic drafts - it could be dialogue or a description of the setting, or general. Then I develop that part and think "how do I get here?" and then I start to actually plot the story. It's rarely linear for me (poor random because I sometimes come up with a part that has NOTHING to do with the part we're writing on LJFADLKFJ). But yes: when I have the part that was bothering me the most/making me anxious, then things just start to fall into place and then I start plotting the story more linearly.

24. The characters tell me LKDJALKFJDKJF. No, but seriously, when the plot starts, there is usually a character's motivation and I automatically have consideration for one of them (even if I see them in third person) - an example is I feel the rain: I planned everything in Charles' point of view because he created all the chaos and was experiencing that internal crisis, but one day I blinked before sleeping and simply thought "what if the most critical moment of everything was actually seen from the point of view of someone who has no clarity about anything at all? and so I wrote in two nights almost 14 thousand words in Max's point of view :D It's random, but I try to think about how each character fits into the narrative and the moment.

38. Camboy Universe. I think most of my WIPs have self-indulgent traits? But the one that got me the most (at the moment) is the camboy universe. It was one of the first ones that I thought "I'll write whatever. If lovers liked it, whoop whoop. if lovers don't like it, too bab... because I liked it!". Charles' character is very much based on my thoughts: I have my kinks in compliments, I don't like the idea of ​​getting attached to people who aren't willing to take risks and take risks with me, I have my confidences, my overthinking, I talk dirty, I like to be seen, I'm competitive, my thoughts speak before I let them, I like the challenge, the flirting - that's all Charles is here. And everything I see in Max is what I would like to have in a partner: no stress, care, discovering each other, knowing my desires and seeing them show theirs, not holding me back, being my contract partner. It's like this, I still have this fic in progress because I'm analyzing how to put all this in the third part and eventually in a fourth (because I've kind of already understood that I don't want just three anymore). If it were just for you lovers, to please you, I would have already brought another part. But, with this universe, I also want to please myself haha

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If you want to know more about me, lovers, just send asks ♥