#this is like. super fast sketch i just had to get out of my system

[andhyssops]

and the universe said I love you because you are love

[missdawnandherdusk]

Hufflepuff!Muggleborn Extensive Dating A Malfoy Headcanons:

Okay so this got very long very fast but I apologize for nothing.

So you’re pretty much terrified of getting your Hogwarts letter because you have no idea what magic is but now you’re a wizard???

You go anyway and see a blond little boy at Diagon Alley with his parents and his mother has the same list as your dad does

So maybe you follow the little boy around and pick out the things he does because he seems to know what he’s doing

Then you heard his father hiss “disgusting mud blood” your way and your face kinda falls because you thought maybe you found someone who could help and we’ll never mind

Your dad takes your hand and snaps at Lucius “what kind of example is that for your son? No, I’m not one of your lot but you shouldn’t take it out on my daughter!”

Draco peeks out from behind his fathers robes and looks at the tears in your eyes and maybe he does feel a little bad

You absolutely adore your wand

At the station a few older years can tell you’re new and very Muggle in your tshirt jeans and converse that they sort of adopt you one of them being Cedric

You’re not so scared anymore because it seems like maybe these people aren’t so bad

Some kid named Fred buys you a Chocolate Frog and his twin warns you about their sentience

You meet a few other first years and Hermione Granger whos also a muggle and you sort of lament about all of it. She’s super excited because there’s so much to learn and you start to adopt her perspective

You see the boy from Diagon Alley sneering and bullying other kids and you go up to him with the same fire in your eyes that you dad had and tell the boy off a-al-Muggle

He just laughs and scoffs but you don’t back down which scares him because everyone always backs down

Big brother Cedric comes over and tells Malfoy off for calling you a mudblood again and ushered you back to a compartment of other Hufflepuffs and someone explains to you the house system

“Well that’s kinda stupid,” you decide “why should we be separated based on what a magical hat thinks we might be?”

Cedric grins at you because you remind him of himself and stands clapping when you’re sorted into Hufflepuff

Momma Sprout helps you so much because she knows that her muggle born kiddos need the extra comfort and encouragement

You have Herbology with the Slytherins and that meant Draco Malfoy his name was rattling around your head since the Sorting Ceremony

You end up partners with him. You’re shy and quiet and he’s dismissive and snappy.

“Draco you shouldn’t—“ “Don’t tell me what to do! Filthy little mudblood.” You sit back and watch the Doxy bite him “well get help!” He demands “I thought you didn’t want a mudbloodas help,” you snap. He gives you a hopeless look and you administer the antidote and produce a Bandaid “stupid muggle bandage”

While he’s sulking you handle the Doxy properly and show him how it’s done without being snotty about it. Maybe you smirk at him when you catch him leaning in and watching closely

It’s not friendship but he doesn’t call you mudblood anymore so... there’s that

Cedric nearly has a heart attack when he asks about your first day and you tell him about Draco

You find your footing at Hogwarts and though you’re not the best in class you can still do magic and it’s SO FRICKIN COOL MOM I MADE A FEATHER FLOAT TODAY

You chat with Draco thoughout the year in class well you talk to him he doesn’t say much. “And my mom was so proud when I told her about the Goblin wars and my dad wants to see me leviosa a feather but I told him I can’t do magic outside of school...”

Then there’s a quiet “your parents are proud of you? And interested in all this stuff?”

You look at him, mystified and “...yes? They’re proud of whatever I do,” Draco looks down and continues to sketch the bowtruckle which is almost life like on how accurate it is

You write to your parents immediately asking them to send a letter to Draco and tell them all about his really good drawings in Herbology

It takes a few days but one morning Draco comes up to you in the Great Hall with a parcel

“I think this is yours, your stupid owl gave it to me” he sulks. “It has your name on it,” you point out. “But why would your parents...?” You shrug and go back to talking to your friends and reading your own letter from your mother. Draco huffs and mutters something under his breath and walks away

In Herbology he has a new set of very Muggle graphite pencils and a proper sketchbook and he’s just sketching the Mandrakes on the desk when you come in. He doesn’t say anything and neither do you. He’s less irritable now

It’s second year and you hug your parents and go say hi to your friends before finding a compartment for the long journey. You swap muggle candy for magic candy with your friends

Draco passes your compartment and you wave. He gives a half smile and keeps walking.

“You like him!” Your friends exclaim. “What? No! I don’t!” You turn very red. “He’s just a friend!!” No one is convinced

This year you have potions with Draco and you’re freaking out inside because you don’t know what you’re doing and Snape seems to have it out for you and you’re just a mess.

Draco volunteers to be your partner “to show this mudblood a little decorum and how things are properly done.” He scoffs

You look down, embarrassed but as soon as Draco is next to you, you hear a quiet apology.

You understand the charade he has to put on but you wished he didn’t and you really wish he’d stop calling you mudblood it was rather annoying

He helps you through potions like you helped him through Herbology. This year you have Herbology with the Ravenclaws and he has it with the Gryffindors. He totally whines to you all the time about Harry

Once he’s complaining and accidentally puts in the wrong ingredient and the entire thing threatens to explode. Before you know it, you’re on the ground under Draco who pulled you and the remnants of the potion is shielded from you because Dracos robes are draped over you

Snape scolds you for being stupid and you start to protest but Draco confesses that it was him mistake, not yours. Snape just eyes the pair of you and walks off.

“Thank you,” you stammer out. He rolls his eyes but there’s a soft smile on his face.

Boy does Draco flip out when he hears about the Chamber of Secrets because you’re in potential danger and he would willingly sacrifice Granger to keep you safe

He mentions that to you in Potions one day and you gap at him. “Draco killing anyone for any reason isn’t right.” You scold. There’s a cold look in his eyes and a fire in yours. “But... thank you... for worrying about me,”

Your friends still pester you because they can obviously see you like Draco and maybe you do... but you know he doesn’t like you so you’ll just ignore your feelings

Third year comes and your heart skips a beat when you see Draco because he grew a lot over the summer and his hair is no longer ridiculously slicked back and oh Merlin you’re in trouble

Unbeknownst to you Dracos heart flutters when he sees you and has to fight the urge to wave or say hi to you in front of his father.

This year you have History of Magic together

He sits down next to you without a second thought. You smile and say hi and ask about his summer and then he returns the question. Your muggle summer and his magic summer are both a bit lost on the other

“Didn’t you wear glasses?” He asks one day. “Oh, my mom let me get contacts,” “contacts?” “Um... like plasticy little doodads that go in my eyes and help me see?” He just stares and you laugh. “Too Muggle?” You ask. “Too Muggle,” he replies.

Now it’s a sort of game. Youll come in with something Muggle—Pens, notebooks, lined paper, Muggle books, a watch—and Draco decides whether it’s “too Muggle” or not for him. He quite likes pens and lined paper but you can keep your Muggle books

You tell your parents again and Draco gets a package filled with green notebooks and black pens and a pencil pouch with a snake on it.

You hear about the Buckbeak incident and you rush off to find Draco. He’s in the infirmary snapping at Pomfrey but softens when he sees you

“She’s just trying to help,” you scold softly. “Are you alright?” “Doesn’t hurts much anymore but it’s numb so...”

Pomfrey wants to keep him a few hours to make sure that his body is reacting to the medicine correctly and you stay with him.

“You know I’ve been thinking,” you start. “That’s scary,” he mutters. You hit him playfully and notice that he flinches so hard you note it and continue “I’ve been thinking that it really doesn’t make sense for you to call me a mudblood,” “and why not?” He snaps. “Well, I mean... I’m technically all muggle. If anyone was really a mudblood wouldn’t it be halfbloods? With a muggle and wizard parent?”

He doesn’t have an answer to that. So he sulks quietly. “Why doesn’t it bother you that I call you that?” He asks quietly. You shrug. “Sometimes I wonder if I really belong here. Your adamant hatred for me is comforting. Like I’m doing something right enough to make you upset about it.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that either. He didn’t know that you were insecure about being a wizard. Of course, you belonged here you were wonderful with magic and your hexes were remarkable.

“I don’t hate you,” he mumbled. “Sure you’re annoying with your cheery disposition and your... Converse trainers... but I don’t hate you.” You laugh and he thinks it’s a wonderful sound

“Well, I don’t hate you either,” you smile back. You don’t think it’s something but it’s definitely not nothing

You hear about what happens between he and Hermione and you’re furious because he’s better than that and you can’t believe he would still call her a mudblood

You refuse to talk to him for a few days. Which is hard because he tries to make small talk with you.

One day in class he slips you a folded piece of parchment and you open it. Begrudgingly. “Im sorry, I was an arse. I shouldn’t have called her that.” You take your pen and scribble quickly “you’re apologizing to the wrong person.” And slide it back to him

Draco did apologize to Hermione before he apologized to you and he’s frustrated because he thinks you’ll think he’s lying if he said he already did

Then Hermione finds you in the hall that day and asks if you put Draco up to apologizing to her and you admit yes you did. And she tells you that he apologized a few days ago. Your heart soars and you hug a confused Hermione before running off to find Draco

He’s in the corner of the library, not reading, but drawing. You accidentally sneak up behind him and see that you’re the sketch on his paper.

“I don’t think my hair is quite that long,” you whisper softly and the boy about jumps out of his skin. You apologize quickly and he quickly covers his sketch book, red faced.

“I um. That wasn’t you.” He stammers turning a darker shade of red. You laugh. “Yes it was!” You reach for his sketchbook but he hugs it to his chest. “Oh come on Draco? What am I gonna do? Laugh?” “You’re laughing right now.” He points out. “And it’s not that good anyway...”

You roll your eyes and sit next to him. You offer to pose for him so that he could take his time to draw you. “Well I’m not busy now,” you grin and he sulks a moment before nodding.

You watch his hands work and sift through the pencils as he props the paper up on his knees and instructs you to look somewhere and not to move.

It’s odd, being drawn. You close your eyes and hum softly knowing he was studying you the way he might a bowtruckle or mandrake and it feels weird. A good weird.

He refuses to let you see the drawing even though you persist. You pout and drop the matter, just glad to have a friend in him.

You begin meeting in the library on a weekly basis, partly so he can draw you partly because you’re both struggling in History of Magic and need more study time

Cedric is not happy about any of this and goes very “protective big brother” on you. You tell him off and huff.

You start going to his quidditch matches and maybe he almost runs into a goal post because you smiled and waved at him and he forgot to pay attention

The summer comes and you wave goodbye knowing as soon as he’s around your father you’re going to lose your fried.

But he surprises you and hands you his sketchbook on the train home then quickly runs away to his father and you just stare at it and him and he’s gone, all you see is two heads of silver blond hair receding in the distance

Your parents usher you into the car and it’s maybe two hours before you get to look at the sketchbook

When you do open it you see a sketch of a bowtruckle and “Steve” written one his careful script underneath. You had forgotten that you named the bowtruckle Steve that day in class

The next few sketches are from Herbology. And little notes about class that day, a lot of them are about you. Then there’s a break in Herbology drawings and there’s a drawing of his mother almost perfectly. Then of a family portrait of the three of them. A few vases of flowers. Then you see your face. And again. And again. It’s you. Smiling, laughing, concentrating on a book, raising an eyebrow at him, gnawing in your lip, asleep in class, then the library drawings that are much more detailed.

Then you’re crying and you want to call him and thank him but you CANT BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A PHONE STUPID WIZARD FAMILY

But you do have an owl. You have no idea what to write. So you go with “thank you” and then send it.

You get a letter a few months later and it’s from Draco. He’s asking if you want to go to the Quidditch World Cup with him. “I know you’re Muggle and don’t like Quidditch much but...”

So you’re going with Draco and it’s weird because he’s on your doorstep with his mother and it is just a clash of worlds. You stammer goodbyes to your parents and you’re quickly ushered into the limo of a car next to Draco. You notice he’s changed his hair again and he looks quite dashing in his blazer. You get a little self conscious about your jeans and sweater.

Narcissa is a doll. She asks you about your summer and time as Hogwarts and keeps polite conversation and you thaw a little.

Though you have no idea what’s going on Draco is very excited about the game and is cheering and you can’t help but smile and maybe you take pictures with a Polaroid camera and he just rolls his eyes and you get a picture of him rolling his eyes

Fourth year comes and he is ushered away from you by his friends before he can say hi.

The kids from the other schools show up and you’re convinced that he like Fleur and he thinks you like Cedric and it’s just a mess

He’s back to being irritable and you’re slipping into depression not just because of him but everything is really weighing on you

You’re alone in the Astronomy Tower, your feet dangling off the edge. You had no intention to jump, but it was sort of thrilling. 

Draco flips the fluff out and nearly drags you from the edge. 

“What the hell are you thinking!?” He exclaims. You gape at him because it’s probably the first thing he said to you in a week. He’s just so scared that he was actually going to lose you that he pulls you close and doesn’t let you go. You start crying and everything just comes out in a word dump. Your brother is getting worse and stronger and it’s not good for you and he keeps putting you down and calling you a freak and that “no one is going to love me because I’m a freak and mom and dad think I’m fine because my grades are still fine but Draco I can’t... I’m slipping and... and I feel like I lost you and you were the only one who really believed in me and...” You’re just sobbing.

And he listens. He holds you and listens. 

“You haven’t lost me,” He whispers softly. “But you like Fleur... and I can’t ever be her... she’s just so perfect and powerful and...” You sniffle, hugging your knees looking at your beat up Converse. 

“She’s my cousin,” He almost laughs but doesn’t because of the look on your face. “And what about you and Cedric?” He raises an eyebrow and you blanch. “He’s like a big brother to me, gross,” You shove his arm and you’re both laughing. 

“There’s only one Hufflepuff out there for me,” He takes your hand and hello butterflies and blushing. “And there’s only one Slytherin for me,” You lay your head on his shoulder and watch the stars. 

You two start dating and Merlin his friends are livid because how dare he date a muggle hufflepuff? But then they watch him with you and it’s hard to deny that Draco is truly happy for once and they don’t want to take that from him

Your friends exchange bet money. 

Weekends filled with more games of “Too Muggle” and trips to Hogsmeade and Draco explaining wizard culture and you try to explain muggle culture but he just does not understand washing machines. You introduce him to muggle music and is thrilled that he loves ABBA. 

He makes everything hurt less. And it’s nice to feel wanted. 

Then Voldemort returns and everything changes and you weren’t ready for it. Draco gets cold and distant again and you try and try to get through to him but he doesn’t let you in. 

You end up screaming at him one night and walk out. He finds you curled up outside the Slytherin portrait, weeping not minutes later and carries you back inside to his dorm and apologizes and hold you and admits that he’s scared and he doesn’t want to lose you or see you get hurt

You both make an effort to find the sunshine in the proverbial dark times that linger through the next year. It means you become a but more calloused and jaded and he becomes a bit more optimistic and grateful. 

Pansy Parkinson doesn’t exist. It’s just you with Polyjuice potion to keep you safe from Draco’s aunt and Voldemort. It’s an easy charade to keep up. There are still quite nights when you’re yourself with Draco and he reminds you how much he adores the real you with his words and touch

If there’s one thing you don’t do, is break a Hufflepuff and that’s what Harry did after his sectumsempra and holy hell do you lose your cool.

Draco’s mother has to step in before you’re expelled for what you did to Harry

You nurse Draco back to health afterwards and never let Harry forget what he did, nor do you let anyone else forget it when they call him the chosen one

And Merlin does Draco love you for it

Draco can’t kill Dumbledore because your words are still in his head from second year “It’s not right to kill someone for any reason” and he just can’t disappoint you like that

You’re still kind. You’re kind to Luna when she’s locked up at the Malfoy Manor. You’re kind to the house-elves that attend to you. You’re kind, and value fairness and hardwork, but you will not put up with bullshit any longer. 

You and Draco stand with Hogwarts when the battle boils down to it. You give Draco your wand when he loses his to Harry.

When you go back eighth year, you advocate for the removal of the House System and write a very convincing argument against it. It takes about ten years, but the system is disbanded after one too many close calls and ruined lives

You also start a Support Group at Hogwarts for those suffering from mental illnesses and for those who have suffered abuse at home. 

You and Draco get married at the Manor. You wear your Converse. 

.

Want to read a more in depth Hufflepuff!Reader x Draco? Find it Here!!!

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[wicked-mind]

Find Me

Summary: Bucky finds his peace with Sam in Louisiana after dealing with the Flag Smashers. But when nightmares of a woman he can’t remember start haunting him, he has to find the reason why.

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: Maybe some swearing somewhere? Sad Bucky at some parts. Spoilers if you haven’t seen the movies.

Note: I’m, like, super proud of this one for some reason? I hope you all enjoy it (:

All Writings Masterlist

Italics for memories/dreams

As always, any likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! (: I love that shit.

*gifs not mine

The bunker hallway was ice cold, so cold he could see his own warm breath when he breathed. It felt like he had been walking down this hallway for hours, unable to find a way out. Once in a while he would hear a soft voice call his first name, James. It was a woman’s voice whispering in desperation for him. “Where are you?!” Bucky called through the hallway, “I can help you, just tell me where you are!” With no response, he continues his strides down the endless hallway. Every step he took closer to the end of the hallway that held a large metal door at the end it seemed like it shifted further and further away from him.

“You have to find me, James.” The voice whispered to him, her voice echoing through the hallway even though it was only a whisper, “Please find me.”

“I’m trying!” Bucky yelled out in frustration, turning his strides into a quick run. He ran as fast as he could towards the door at the end of the hallway but with every step he took towards the door, the further it shifted away from his grasp. He suddenly froze, feeling another presence around him. No, behind him. Before he could turn he felt two hands on the side of his temples from behind and sudden flashes ripped through his memory of his time with Hydra. Except everything and everybody was blurry except for a woman who stood back from the crowd, watching him with sad eyes, “Who are you?!” Bucky yelled, unable to move where he stood to look at who was causing these images through his head with their touch.

“Find me.” The voice said once more.

Bucky shot straight up from the couch, breathing hard from the nightmare. A few weeks after sorting things through with the Flag Smashers, these nightmares had started. Though they were different than just his usual nightmares. He never hurt anybody as the Winter Soldier in these nightmares, just saw the same hallway with the same metal door and the same voice whispering, pleading with him to find her. It was like now that everything was okay in his life again, something in his memory was trying to tell him something. Something about this woman he had to find. He took a few more deep breaths, calming himself down before making his way to Sam’s bathroom, splashing some water on his face to clean up the beaded sweat that covered his face and neck. He lifted his head to look in the mirror and for a moment he swore he saw the woman’s face in the mirror, making him jump. He turned quickly to see nothing there but the shower curtain. He ran his flesh hand over his face slowly. He would blame this on his lack of sleep from the nightmares.

Sam was in the yard, practicing throwing the shield he now could officially call his. He kept bouncing it around the trees before catching it, working on new ways to throw for offensive and defensive situations. He caught the shield as he saw Bucky making his way over to him with that tired, grumpy confused look on his face, “Another nightmare, tin-man?”

Bucky shrugs slightly at Sam’s question before stopping to stand next to him, “They’re getting worse. I saw the face to the voice this time. It’s a woman that was there during my time as the Winter Soldier. She keeps telling me to find her.” He sighs deeply, “I don’t know what all this means.” He said, taking the shield from Sam and throwing it at one of the trees set up with a mat before Sam caught it on its way back.

Sam hurled the shield at the tree, watching Bucky catch it with ease after it hit the bumper and flew back towards them, “And you don’t remember who she is at all?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. They always did better talking to each other when they trained otherwise it was usually just teasing or bickering but when they trained together it was different. They would talk about real things. Things friends would confide in each other.

Bucky shook his head, his brow furrowing, “I don’t remember who she is. But the way she looked at me in the dream… It feels like I know her.” He said, looking at Sam, “What if I do know her and she’s waiting for me to find her?”

Sam took the shield from Bucky, “Well you know what they say: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So you better find her because the last woman we pissed off tried to end us all.” He said before throwing the shield at a tree without one of the mats as a bumper, causing it to embed itself into the trunk, “Now I know you aren’t much of an artist, but if you can manage to sketch up her face we can try having Torres run it through their system. Maybe give you some clues onto who your mystery woman could be.”

“James.” The voice whispered right in his ear as he stood in the long hallway. Although it was just a dream or nightmare, it felt like more. Like these reoccurring dreams or nightmares had been planted in his mind by whoever he was supposed to find. It was like their way of communicating, “What?!” Bucky yelled, his arms swinging up into the air in frustration, “What do you want with me?! Who even are you?!”

It was silent for a moment before the voice came back, “I need you to find me. You promised.” The voice whispered into his ear, causing him to turn but saw nobody there except the metal wall. He turned back and faced the door at the end of the hallway he could never reach, “I don’t even remember a promise or who you are!” He grumbled out which apparently earned a small chuckle from the voice that whispered in his ear in the empty hallway, “Find me and I’ll show you everything.”

Bucky looks around the hallway slowly, “Alright. I’ll find you. But can you at least give me a hint on where to find you?” He asks softly, watching for any type of movement or hints the voice may give him.

“The last time we saw each other was 2014.” The voice whispers to him before he felt a soft touch to his temples again but nobody was there, the hallway changing to him looking at himself as the Winter Soldier in a chair, talking to Alexander Pierce. This was the moment that Bucky had started to remember Steve after failing to eliminate him and Natasha. Before they brainwashed him again. It was heartbreaking for Bucky to watch himself look so confused and lost, like an abused animal at the hands of Hydra, “Why are you showing me this?” Bucky asks softly, his voice shaking at the memory.

“This was the last time I saw you. This was the last place we spoke before they brainwashed you again.” The voice whispered, “I never left.”

Sam watched Bucky zip up his black backpack and swing it over his shoulders, folding his own arms across his chest, “You think they have her at the bank where you were kept?” He questions, watching Bucky grab all the belongings he would need to head back to Washington D.C.

Bucky nods with a huff, “Yeah. She showed me a memory after I was sent as the Winter Soldier to attack you three on the bridge. She was there at the bank. She says she’s still there.” Bucky responded.

Sam nods slowly, processing the information before looking at Bucky, “I’ll go with you in case you need some sort of back up.”

The two made their way to Washington D.C. When it was Sam’s turn to drive, Bucky folded his arms and leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep wondering what the woman in his dreams would show him this time.

“We’re coming for you.” Bucky said into the empty hallway, not even attempting to go for the door at the end of the hallway. He had done that enough times to know he would never reach it and it would just get further away. There was no response from the voice for his statement. Bucky sighs and looks and the floor before looking around him slowly, “Can you at least tell me something about you? I don’t know who you are…”

Suddenly a little girl appeared in front of Bucky, flickering into existence. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen, but those eyes were the same ones that stared at him sadly from the previous vision she had showed him. Bucky looked at her, his brow furrowing slightly at the sight of the young girl, “Is this you?”

“This is what I looked like the first time we met.” The girl said to him softly, “I was sixteen.”

Bucky took a few steps towards her but just like the door, every step he took she just got further away so he froze in his spot, “Why would Hydra want a young girl?” He questioned. In all of his memories of Hydra, there were never any kids.

“We met in 1951 before you were sent to aid Soviet forces in the Korean War. You met another super soldier there and came back without your metal arm.” The girl told him, her eyes flickering to his vibranium hand for a moment before back to him, “After that, when you were unfrozen with no missions, you were tasked with protecting me.”

Bucky tilts his head at her. She knew things. Things he never told anybody except Sam recently, “How do you know this? Why would Hydra keep you around?”

“They kept me around because I knew things. They called me a psychic or a seer.” The girl responded, “When my powers peaked…” She paused, her body changing into an older version of herself, “They kept be frozen with you until I was needed to tell them how your missions would go.”

Bucky watched her body change but he still didn’t recognize her and he wondered why. He had searched his mind for years, thinking he got back every memory but he couldn’t remember her, “Why don’t I remember you?”

“Because both of us decided it was better for you to not remember me until everything was okay again.”

Bucky opened his mouth to ask another question but everything faded in his dream to black, the last thing he saw was the woman turning and walking back towards the door.

“Buck! Wake up, man.” Sam said, nudging Bucky’s shoulder with his hand, “We’re here.”

Bucky opened his eyes to look up at the Ideal Federal Savings Bank which had been used by Pierce to house the Winter Soldier until he was needed. He swallowed hard at the sight of it. The last time he was here was after he pulled Steve from the river after taking out the Hellicarriers. He had come to kill the remaining Hydra scientists but let one live, not wanting more blood on his hands before he began a life on the run. He got out of the car silently, Sam on his heels as he walked into the bank. He made his way to vault where he was kept, remembering how he questioned Alexander Pierce on who the man on the bridge was, saying he knew him before getting his memory wiped again.

Sam looked around, all the Hydra technology had been taken and it was just an empty vault now, “You sure this is where she said she was?” He asks, looking around at the walls lined with small lockboxes. Some were opened but others were still locked shut.

Bucky nodded, looking over to Sam, “Yeah..” He replied, his fists clenching at the memories. This was the last place he wanted to be.

“I don’t suppose she told you where…” Sam said, walking around the vault and trying to find any hints.

“Nope.” Bucky said, moving around the room also to take in everything. On every wall the lockboxes were open. Except one section in a corner of the room, the lockboxes were shut and didn’t have any keyholes. Bucky tilted his head at them slightly before throwing a punch with his vibranium arm and just as he suspected, it was a false wall. He pried the wall apart with his strength until he was looking down the hallway from his dreams with the large metal door at the end, “That’s the door from my dreams.”

Sam walked over to look down the hallway, “Alright. Let’s go get your mystery woman.” He said, following behind Bucky down the long hallway.

Bucky felt as though the closer he got to the door it would get further away like in his dream, but that wasn’t the case. He crossed the hallway and put his hand on the handle to the metal door, sighing in relief slightly that it was real and he wasn’t going crazy or stuck in one of his dreams. He looked at Sam who nodded saying he was ready for whatever was on the other side before pulling it open. The two entered the room, looking around before their eyes fell on the cryostasis chamber. It was similar to the one Bucky had been placed in with Hydra. It was all steel with a small window and through the window, Bucky could see the face of the woman from his dreams looking like she was sleeping but ice covered her face and hair, “She’s here.” Bucky said softly. She was older, different from the teenager he saw in his dreams.

Sam came up beside Bucky to look inside at the woman, “So she’s been frozen here since 2014 and nobody has known?” Bucky looks at Sam and nods, “Yeah. Seems like she was an even more well-kept secret than the Winter Soldier was.” He said before backing away and going to the control panel. He hit the edge of it with his hand until the screen flickered on, pressing all the correct buttons to release the woman from the cryostasis chamber. They watched the ice around her slowly melt before the door popped open slightly. Bucky moved to open the door, catching the woman’s body in his arms and gently laid her down on the floor. Both Sam and Bucky kneeled down beside her, waiting for her to wake up.

The woman’s eyes blinked open after a moment, her eyes scanning the ceiling first before looking at Sam with a confused look. Then her eyes laid on Bucky. Her hands quickly came up and her palms touched either side of his face, her eyes turning white as she touched him before she drops her hands and closed her eyes again, passing out.

Sam watched the ordeal with wide eyes, “What did she just do? Buck?” He asks, backing away a little from the now unconscious woman.

Bucky breathed deeply, looking at the unconscious woman before back to Sam, “She showed me a past memory I didn’t know I had. It was her telling me everything was going to be okay before Pierce had my memory wiped again. Telling me that you and Steve would help me.” He said, partly confused. Why didn’t he remember that until she touched him?

Sam’s eyes flickered between the two confused, “As much as I would like to know the whole story right now, we should probably get out of here. This building is condemned and I don’t think the government would be happy with us poking around an old Hydra base.”

Bucky nodded in agreement and gently lifted the woman in his arms, following Sam out to the car and gently laying her in the backseat before they headed back to the safety of Louisiana. The two had a conversation as to whether it was safe to bring her back to Sam’s home but Bucky told him that he felt as though they could trust her. She had helped him before so why would she be hostile towards him now. The whole car ride, Bucky and Sam kept checking the backseat to make sure she was still asleep which she was. She hadn’t moved an inch. When they got back to Sam’s, Bucky gently lifted her from the backseat again and into the house, laying her on the couch before sitting on the coffee table waiting for her to wake up.

Sam and Sarah were having a conversation in the kitchen about how Sam always managed to pick up strays but Sarah was a good host and a kind heart. She started cooking up some dinner when Sam told her the mystery woman had been frozen since 2014, figuring she would probably be hungry when she woke up.

Bucky looked up from the floor when he noticed the woman’s fingers twitch, her brow furrowing slightly before her eyes opened slowly, no longer white and back to their original color. She did the same thing as when she woke up from the cryostasis chamber, looking at the ceiling before looking over at Bucky. She slowly sat up, rubbing her hand along the side of her head as if she had a headache, “You found me…” She breathed out.

Bucky nodded, watching her closely. Sam and Sarah had gone outside with AJ and Cass when she started to stir awake just for safety in case they were met with hostility from her. He watched her sit up before passing her a glass of water, “You have a name?”

The woman took the water, drinking the full glass before passing it back to him and meeting his gaze, “Y/N.” She told him.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at her, trying to recognize any piece of her but couldn’t besides what was in his dreams, “Why did I have to find you and why don’t I remember you?” He questioned sternly, still unsure of Y/N.

Y/N kept her eyes on his, her hands gripping the edge of the couch, “You promised you would find me.” She responded in a soft voice, “It was safer for the both of us if you didn’t remember me until the time came where you were at peace.”

“How did you make it so I didn’t remember you?” Bucky questioned, wanting answers for the months he had been having the dreams of the hallway and her whispers.

“I’m a psychic… At least that’s what Hydra liked to call me. They used me to see the future of your missions as the Winter Soldier, making sure they would be successful. They used me to help create Project Insight.” Y/N responded with an even voice, “What they didn’t know is I could show you your past after you were brainwashed. Leaving little notes in there in hopes you’d remember who you were one day, able to escape Hydra. I saw your future after they sent you to eliminate Captain America and the redhead. I knew you’d remember your friend and from there you’d be able to become free.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed slightly, “You can see the future and the past?”

Y/N nodded slowly, “Only if I touch you. There were times where they wouldn’t freeze you and had you protect me in the facilities. They were worried someone would take me for their own gain within Hydra. Those moments we had alone I would touch you and help you remember who you were before you became the Winter Soldier. We were friends, believe it or not.” She told him, “I can show you if you’d like.”

Bucky nodded after a moment. The only way he could believe her was to see for himself.

At the nod, Y/N shifted forward slightly on the couch towards him. She slowly lifted both of her hands and placed them on his cheeks, her eyes turning white as she started to show him memories she had sealed away in his mind.

Everybody was speaking Russian in the memory. There was a tall man who was barking orders at Y/N to search Bucky’s future as the Winter Soldier.

“I will! I can’t concentrate with you watching me. Give me some privacy.” Y/N snapped back in Russian at them. She wasn’t thirteen in this memory but older, maybe around twenty one. Once the guards had left her alone with the Winter Soldier, she turned towards him. He was staring at her with emotionless, cold eyes. Y/N bit her lip and lifts her hands to touch his face but paused for a moment, “I’m sorry they’re doing this to you, Bucky.” She whispered to him in english which earned a head tilt of confusion from the Winter Soldier, “Right… You don’t remember me… Here.” She said and presses her hands to his cheeks, her eyes turning white as she flooded his brain with memories of his past self.

The Winter Soldier’s gaze softened as he saw the memories and when she pulled her hands away, he lifted one hand to catch hers, “Y/N…” He whispered out to her in english.

Y/N smiled slightly and nodded, “Hello again, Bucky.” She said softly to him.

Bucky leans his head back and closes his eyes, “Where are they sending me now?” He asks, his voice cracking as the memories of all he’s done as the Winter Soldier flooded his mind but also grateful that he could remember who he was. James Buchanan Barnes.

Y/N bit her lip softly, “I’m not sure… They’re sending you to retrieve some super soldier serum I think.” She gently stroked her thumb over the back of his flesh hand.

Bucky looked at her with wide eyes, shaking his head, “No… We can’t let them do that. There can’t be more like me.” He told her, gripping her hand tighter in his.

Y/N sighs softly, “I know. I’ve already seen the future of it. It’ll be okay… There won’t be more Winter Soldiers that make it to the light of day but you have to complete this mission. It’s part of the path to get you away from Hydra.”

Bucky scanned over her face with sad eyes, “What about you? You need to get away too…”

Y/N smiled sadly at him, “My time won’t come for a long time, Bucky. But you’ll find me one day when everything is as it should be.”

“No.. We should just get out of here now… I can protect you.” Bucky said, leaning closer to her and staring into her eyes. She was his saving grace, the only kind person he had known since he had been taken by Hydra. The angel on his shoulder that kept him from falling into complete oblivion in his mind. She always brought back his memory whenever they were alone and he was beyond grateful to have her with him.

Y/N shook her head at him, “I can’t. There’s things in the future that are still a little fuzzy… depending on what path certain people decide to go down.” She told him, “One day you’ll get me out of here. But first we have to focus on making sure I keep you going down the right path towards your peace.”

Y/N pulled her hands away from Bucky’s face, making the memory fade away from their minds. She watched Bucky closely for his reaction, biting her bottom lip.

Bucky breathed deeply as the memory flooded his mind. It was like it had just been unlocked and he knew every movement he had made as well as Y/N, all the feelings he felt. He looked at her slowly, “Y/N.” He said, “You would bring me back to myself, help me. Then you’d lock the memories away so they wouldn’t catch on… I remember you.”

Y/N nodded towards him with a small smile, “Yeah… I would show you everything but it may overload your brain giving you back all those memories at once.” She told him, “But I can keep showing you little bits.” Bucky nodded instantly toward her, grabbing her hands and placing them on his cheeks, “Please… I need to see… Remember you.” He whispered out to her in a pleading voice.

Y/N smiles at him before her eyes turned white, showing him another memory.

“I killed them…” Bucky whispers out to Y/N as they sat alone in a room. It was December 18th, 1991.

Y/N gave him a sad smile, lifting a hand to stroke along his cheek gently, “I’m sorry, Bucky… It wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice.” It was the same thing she told him every time he came back from a mission and restored his memories.

Bucky shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes, “I don’t know how much more I can take, Y/N… I don’t want to be this person anymore…”

Y/N bit her lip, keeping her hand on his cheek and gently stroking the tears that fell from his face, “I know… It’s not too much longer. Everything is getting clearer and you’ll have your peace soon. You’ll be Bucky again.”

Bucky looked at her, leaning forward and grabbing her free hand that wasn’t on his cheek, “You promise?”

Y/N nodded towards him with a small encouraging smile, “I promise. Your story as the Winter Soldier will come to an end. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know…” Bucky breathed out, looking down from her eye contact before looking back up to meet her eye line, “Y/N, you’re…. I don’t know how I could get through this without you… You always bring me back, remind me this isn’t my fault." Y/N sighs softly, “Because it isn’t your fault, Bucky. There is no blood on your hands. Only the hands of Hydra and what they make you do as the Winter Soldier.” She reminded.

Bucky nods slowly, squeezing her hand in his, “You know… Under different circumstances where we both weren’t prisoners and forced to do awful things… I think we would’ve been good friends.”

Y/N rolls her eyes at him slightly, “I think we are already best friends, Bucky.” She told him with a small smile, “We are the only friends each other has right now.”

Bucky smiles slightly at her before dropping his gaze again, “I want to ask you something, Y/N…” He began, “You can say no if you want…”

Y/N raises an eyebrow at him, “Ask away, Bucky.”

Bucky stayed silent for a moment before looking up to meet her eyes, staring at them intently. They were eyes he had learned to love, they were his life line in moments like this, “It’s been god knows how long since I’ve felt some sort of comfort… some sort of… love.” He said, watching her closely for any reaction, “Will you…”

“Kiss you?” Y/N asks, which Bucky looked at her a little shocked before remembering she can see the future. She stood from her chair she was seated in, moving closer slowly and leans forward, keeping her eyes on his before pressing her lips gently to his, her hand gently stroking his cheek while her other stayed in his hand.

Bucky moved his free hand up to behind her neck, pulling her closer and kissing her again before pulling away and scanning his eyes over her features as he didn’t want to forget this moment or her face. His eyes suddenly saddened as he heard someone coming from outside the room, “Someone’s coming, doll… You have to make me forget…”

Y/N smiled gently and strokes her fingers along his face, “It’s okay, Bucky. You’ll remember one day…” She said before her eyes turned white and she locked away the memories of him as Bucky and returned him to the Winter Soldier.

Bucky looked at her as the memory ended, tears stinging his blue eyes as they formed. He stood up, running his hand through his dark hair before looking back to her where she was sitting and watching him closely, “I…” He started but couldn’t finish. He moved to sit beside her, “Show me the last memory of you.”

Y/N nodded and once again placed her hands on his face, her eyes fading to white again.

Bucky was in the Ideal Federal Savings Bank. Glimpses of his past being found by Zola after he fell from the train… the metal arm that replaced his one left arm seared through his memory. He sat there as one of the scientist restored his arm before he punched him away, frustrated at the memories that were returning. He stayed seated in the machine used to put him through his mind treatments, strip away his memory. He looked up when Alexander Pierce came in, taking a seat on a stool next to him.

“Mission Report.” Pierce demanded.

Bucky sat there, staring blankly ahead as Pierce repeated the demand before backhanding him across the face. Bucky’s brow furrowed in confusing a little as he turned to look at Pierce, “The man on the bridge… Who was he?”

Pierce stared at Bucky, “You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”

Bucky looked away from Pierce as he tried to piece together what happened, “I knew him.” He said softly, his eyes wondering over to meet Y/N’s for a moment who was looking at him with her head tilted as she listened before his gaze returned to Pierce.

“Your work has been a gift to mankind.” Pierce told him, “You shaped the century. And I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. And tomorrow morning we’re gonna give it a push. But if you can’t do your part, I can’t do mine.” He paused, watching Bucky look away in confusion, “And Hydra can’t give the world the freedom it deserves.”

Bucky tilts his head and looks back towards Pierce, “But I knew him.” He repeated, his lips pressing together in a line at the pain of trying to put his reality together- his memories together.

Pierce sighs before standing, “Prep him.”

One of the scientist look at Pierce, “He’s been out of Cyro too long…” Pierce looked back at Bucky who was staring off sadly, “Then wipe him and start over.” He told the scientist before turning his attention to Y/N, “You do your thing first.”

Y/N stepped forward, looking at Bucky then to Pierce, “I’ll need the room. There’s too much going on in here… I’ll get confused.”

Pierce narrowed his eyes at her then nodded, “Give her the room.” He said, walking out of the vault followed by everybody else in the room.

Y/N went to sit on the stool beside Bucky, watching him look at her sadly, “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.” She told him but he stayed silent. She slowly placed her hands on his face, her eyes going white as she restored his memories of the past, “Don’t talk..” She whispers only audible enough for Bucky to hear her, “The time has come, Bucky… They’re going to wipe your memory one last time… You’ll be okay, I promise… This is the beginning of the end for the Winter Soldier and Hydra… I’m going to seal your memories of me until the right time… then find me, okay?”

Bucky watched her carefully, listening to every word she said. He blinked at her slowly to tell her he understood, trying to contain his emotions in this moment.

Y/N smiled slightly at him, “Don’t worry… I’ll be okay.” She whispers to him, “We’ll see each other again someday and I’ll show you everything you’ve forgotten about us.”

Bucky moved his metal hand ever so slightly to touch her thigh and squeezed it gently with a saddened look in his eyes, being careful as to not let the guards outside the open door see. He had so much he wanted to say to her: Thank you… I’ll save you… I’ll find you… I think I love you. But he couldn’t say those things.

Y/N gave him a knowing smile before it faded away, her eyes going white as she sealed the memories of herself with him deep inside his mind until the right time came for him to find her. She then searched his future for what was going to happen next, seeing him fight Captain America but recognizing him at the last moment and saving him from the river. Bucky was going to be okay. He would be himself again one day, not the Winter Soldier and then he would find her when he found his peace. She stood up and stepped away from him, looking at the Winter Soldier who still had those sad eyes. Y/N turns to Pierce as he came back in, “Everything will go according to plan.” She lied, “Project Insight will be successful.”

Pierce nodded then motioned for one of the guards to take her back to Cyro, freeze her until she was needed again. She took one last look at Bucky as they put the mouthguard in his mouth before starting the memory wipe, listening to him scream through the mouthpiece until she couldn’t hear him anymore and was thrown into the cryostasis chamber where she would wait to be saved by him.

As the memory faded, Bucky looked at her, reaching up his own hand to touch her cheek. He remembered all the feelings he had for her. He was grateful, thankful for her always bringing him back. Assuring him everything would be okay and that he would have peace in the future. His blue eyes scanned over her features, taking in the face that he had forgotten. The face that saved him. She was like an angel that had always been perched on his shoulder, watching over him, “Thank you… For everything you did for me.” He told her softly, “I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you, to save you.”

Y/N smiles slightly, “Don’t worry about it. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I’m glad you’ve found your peace, Bucky.” She said softly.

“Why didn’t you let me come find you before now?” He asks softly.

“I couldn’t. I saw everything that was going to happen to you. Zemo… Thanos… The Flag Smashers..” She whispers, “If I was around for that, I would’ve just been used as another pawn for them to get their way. You couldn’t find me until there was peace.”

Bucky nods slowly, keeping his hand on her cheek, “There were things I didn’t tell you, that I couldn’t tell you the last time we saw each other.” He told her, “All our time together… All the times you reminded me who I was and saved me… I think I fell in love with you.”

Y/N smiles slightly, reaching a hand up to place it on top of his on her cheek, “I knew all of that too, Bucky. You didn’t need to say it. I knew from the way you kissed me that one time. The way you looked at me the last time we were together.”

“I would like to do that again… Now that you don’t have to make me forget.” Bucky says to her, leaning towards her slightly, “All those things I felt for you… I still do. I just needed to remember.”

Y/N nods towards him, “I still feel all those things for you too.” She whispers out as she watched him lean closer and closer to her, her eyes locked on his, “We have a very bright future together, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky smiles at her, “You would know, doll.” He whispers before pressing his lips gently to her’s, smiling against her lips as she kissed him back. He moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, pulling her face closer to his while his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to his body. Bucky had waited for this moment most of his long life and hadn’t even realized it until he found her again.

___________________________________________________________

Permanent Taglist: @buckypops @stcrryslibrary @bibliophilewednesday @redhairedfeistynerd

[dissolutionandcreation]

Hii! just found your blog nd your work is so beautiful and exquisite. It's delicate and the colors are so warming, I love it!! casually found an ask about college major and its helping me a lot, tysm for share your experience. I don't have the privilege to go to college but I'm working really hard for it!! Ur response gave me so much serotonin to keep going!! I just have one question, if you're okay with it ofc! How exactly you create good illustrations fast? I'm struggling a lot with this one

Thank you so much!! I’m so glad my college experience is helping you too. I love being a serotonin boost! 

A lot of learning to create good illustrations fast is having the pressure of working under a deadline. In college, I often had to complete 5 full paintings a week, on top of schoolwork and a 20-hour a week job.

You start to realize what to keep and leave out, like are somewhat forced to let go of perfectionism and just power through. But, here are some tips too! Some are style-specific, but they’ll at least give you a few ideas to pick and choose from!

Working with minimal layers (traditional or digital), this allows you to focus on doing 1-3 really good paintings that come together to create your piece, instead of thinking of, say, 20. This is style-specific, but if it helps my watercolor work is always a max of three layers!

Use a timer system (I like the tomato timer method)

Set specific work hours (I only give myself four hours a day, so it’s taught me to be really focused on efficient)

Create thumbnails first (if you’re making a colored piece, make them colored!) These are a lot quicker to complete and they work as a guide, so you can power through your final painting. They also help your illustrations look better composition-wise!

Use larger brushes (this is really helpful with watercolor). You can get super detailed even with a large brush, as long as it has a good point.

Keep practicing basics too! (I sometimes slack of this, but I did it a lot in college). The sharper your skills, the higher chance your first or second sketch will look how you want it to.

Thumbnail examples btw! First image is a thumbnail, second is the finished painting, third is the finished tarot card (some small digital edits made too). This and the timer method are the most important for helping me work quickly. 

I really hope you find this helpful! :D

P.S. If you want to support my artwork, you can buy dog tarot prints right here in my shop!

[mistymark]

VIGILANTE/S IV

part four // 2.8k words // superpowered!au // (sort of) gang!au // series masterlist

summary; in which you consider yourself somewhat of a vigilante.

warnings; swearing, mentions of death, weapons and killing, gang shit really 

notes; this fic is now 10k words and that's a personal record so damn

“I hear training was a success,” Doyoung says when he returns from Jaehyun’s ‘errand’.

You roll your eyes, your jaw set. You don’t look at him, focusing instead on the camera footage Mark had given you to watch. A notepad sat in your lap as you sat cross-legged on your bed, the computer in front of you. The footage was over 12 hours long, showing only a large gate leading to an estate that looked to be the size of a museum. The leader of the Red Crown lived there, you knew, and you were supposed to watch and record who was entering and exiting through the gate during the 12-hour time period.

“I’m being serious.” You finally look over at Doyoung, standing in the doorway, and the expression on his face almost resembles pride. He’s never been anything but serious, but he seems more playful now. “You beat Johnny.”

“He beat me about fifty times,” you deadpan, giving him a pointed look before shifting your attention back to your notepad. Doyoung walks in and looks around the room, as if it’s his first time seeing it – like it would help him understand you.

“What was your time?” He asks, his back to you.

“Fifteen twenty?” The worst fifteen minutes and twenty seconds of your life, probably. He looks at you, and for a moment you can’t read the expression on his face.

He quirks an eyebrow at you, but doesn’t say anything. Briefly turning his attention away from you, he stops to look at the drawings and photos attached to the wall, his face stoic again. He’s looking at the detailed sketches of weapons  – disturbingly realistic, in your opinion – that adorn the wall by the door. The others were strangely anatomical – surprisingly accurate hand-drawn outlines of bodies were pinned against another bare wall. One had a skeleton, another vital organs, and one had the bloodstream mapped out beautifully. Hand-written notes were scribbled across the paper – you’d attempted to read them but the messy scrawl was illegible.

“What’s this?” When he turns around, you hold up one of the leather-bound journals you’d found on the bedside table. It was quite possibly the creepiest thing you’d ever read. One of the entries had just read, January 16th, tried knives again. Sixteen stab wounds. Mostly torso, though heart was avoided. Twelve hours exactly. Another, only two days later, was simply: January 18th, bullet between the eyes (removed). 6.4mm. Four hours.

You’d wondered if the owner was an interrogator like Doyoung – or just a torturer. Part of you was glad you hadn’t had the opportunity to meet him. From what it appeared, none of the others really missed him, either.

Doyoung furrows his eyebrows, “Don’t read that. It’s personal.”

“The guy’s dead.”

You’re unsure if Doyoung hears you, as he chooses to focus on the pictures on the walls once again. Your personal favourite was in the closet, attached to the inside of the door, otherwise hidden from sight. It was a mix of charcoal and red paint, barely resembling a face, but it felt more personal than the ones on the walls, tucked away in the closet where no one would see. It wasn’t nearly as detailed or clear as the other posters, and you had stared at it for almost two minutes before realising what it was.

“The first time Donghyuck fought Johnny, he didn’t even get a time.” Doyoung’s voice sounds far away as he recalls the memory. You wish he hadn’t blocked you from using his powers so that you could see whatever he was remembering.

“What about you?”

“About fifteen seconds.” He snorts at your expression. “Don’t be discouraged.” His attention suddenly moves to the door, and you follow his gaze, though nothing is there. With a nod, he leaves.

You’re left alone again, and you wonder what it is with these boys and never saying goodbye.

You’ve managed to speed up the footage just enough to make your task bearable but have to pause it when a familiar black van enters the shot. It’s identical to the one you’d seen at the Den on the night you met the team, but the number plate is different. This number plate is familiar in a different way. Unlike every other vehicle that had passed through the gates, the driver’s window does not slide down. No ID card is able to be captured.

You know exactly who it is – the only person who can enter the estate without having to show credentials. The Red Prince.

Even though the footage is far too grainy to make out anything in the mirrors, you swear you can see his reflection. Eyes that stare directly into the camera, as if he knows you’re watching. You wonder if he knows he’s being watched, that a group of Supers had managed to hack into his security system.

The gate slides open wide, and the eyes disappear. You shiver.

“Y/n?” You’re shaken from your thoughts when a voice calls you from the other side of your door.

“Come in!”

“Wow,” Mark offers you a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Donghyuck never lets me in his room.”

“Well-,” you shrug, then hesitate. You realise you have no idea what to say to him. At least, you don’t have anything to say that isn’t insensitive. Clearing your throat, you push your notepad to the side, “What’s up?”

“I, uh,” his eyes scan the walls, taking in the inside of the room, “Johnny needs the notes from the security footage by tonight. I thought I’d let you know.”

“Thanks, Mark.” You can feel how tight your smile is, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

He turns to leave, but just as the door’s about to close, he pops his head back inside the room, “Oh, by the way, don’t be worried about training today. Johnny was impressed.” He smiles. “Have a good night, y/n.”

It’s almost midnight by the time you get to the end of the footage. 14 vehicles entering, 10 leaving. And you know the licence plates and drivers of them all.

You feel uncomfortable watching the footage, being right at the gate but unable to enter. Your determination to get in there and take down the Red Crown is strong, frustration bubbling inside you. Everything they’re doing goes against what you believe in, and there’s something about your anger that makes you stand up and head to the kitchen. The walls of Jaehyun’s office are transparent again, and the light is on , even though you know he can’t see you, you freeze when his eyes snap up from his laptop.

It’s weird being unable to hear or see the other team members walking around, and the warehouse feels much emptier without them. Soft snoring makes you jump, and you smile at the sight of Jaemin passed out on a couch nearby, his breaths steady, though slightly too fast. Part of you was surprised by how fast he seemed to live his life, though he had told you he had to consciously slow himself down most of the time. “It’s like letting someone win in a race by running slower than them,” he’d explained. “You know you can go faster and beat them, but you don’t. Like constantly coming second place.”

“Does it get frustrating?” You’d asked.

“Almost unbelievably so,” he’d smiled at you, though you could see some inner turmoil behind his eyes.

When you’re filling a glass with water, Jaehyun steps out of his office, the door closing loudly, snapping you out of your thoughts. His feet are soft on the floor – you almost don’t hear him coming. “Can’t sleep?” He’s reaching for a mug on the shelf behind you, and you sidestep to move out of his way.

“I just needed to clear my head,” you swallow, and quickly take a drink of water as an excuse not to elaborate.

Jaehyun slides the mug under the coffee machine, and watches it whir to life. Only now can you read the words printed on the side, ‘World’s Greatest Boss’. You snort when you see it. He turns his head to look at you, and raises an eyebrow. There’s something different in the way he does it. Normally, when he does this, it’s questioning, analytical, intimidating. Now? You’d say it’s borderline flirtatious. It takes you a second to realise why it seems so different.

He’s standing in front of you, leaning over the counter top, waiting for his coffee – in sweatpants. He’s mindlessly biting the inside of his cheek, and you realise you’ve never noticed he has dimples. Probably because he never smiles.

“What?” He’s frowning slightly, but when he looks like this, it just looks cute. The furrow in his brow almost looks guarded, as if he’s worried you’re about to say something offensive.

“Uh,” you look down, collecting your thoughts, then a smile appears on your face. “Your mug, I-”

He looks down at it, and there’s the ghost of a smile on his face, “The first birthday present Johnny ever got me.”

“It’s…cute,” you say it more like a question than a compliment. A loud thud makes you both stand tall, staring into the darkness to make out any movement. There’s a quiet yawn, and the sound of retreating footsteps. You turn back to Jaehyun, and any emotion he’d displayed in the last two minutes was wiped from his face. His face is hard again, and he looks more like the man you’d seen earlier. He looks older, authoritative. “I’m gonna get some rest. I hear training tomorrow is going to be intense,” you offer him a smile.

His attention has moved from you again, staring into the darkness of the warehouse. He bids you goodnight without looking at you, carrying his coffee gently to his office, his mind somewhere else.

You leave your glass in the sink, promising yourself you’ll wash it in the morning, before making your way back to your room.

You can hear faint murmurs coming from another room, but the walls are so thick you can’t make out any of the words. Moving the laptop from your bed to the set of drawers next to the door, you prepare for bed.

The door suddenly bangs open, and a duffel bag is dropped onto the floor noisily. You gasp in shock and the person in the doorway looks just as surprised to see you. “Who are you?” He asks, frozen right there in the middle of the doorway.

“Y/n. Who-” His eyes are wide and calculating, searching the room.

“Well, what are you doing here, y/n?” He crosses his arms, looking at you skeptically.

“I’m part of the team. I-”

“I meant, what are you doing in my room?”

You’re struggling to keep up with the conversation at this point. You shake your head. “Your room – ? Wait, you’re Donghyuck? You’re dead.”

His gaze is fierce, “I was dead. I’m not anymore. Now, I’m tired. And I’d like to sleep in my own bed.” He walks into the room, rifling through the drawers of the dresser, looking for something.

Reaching out for his power, you can feel it thread through your body, though it’s more painful than invigorating, very different to most of the power you can feel in other Supers. “You’re immortal.”

“Obviously,” he doesn’t even turn around.

A lightbulb goes off in your head as the journals on the bedside table catch your attention, “So the journals – you… you were killing yourself?”

Donghyuck rounds on you, “You read my – ? Okay, you’re clearly new to the team. Rule number one; never read anyone’s journal.” At the confused look on your face, he rolls his eyes, “We all have them. You’ll get yours soon. To track your drawbacks; track your strength.”

You raise an eyebrow at him from where you’re sitting on your – his – bed. “Drawbacks?”

“Damn, okay. Rule number two; know your drawbacks. The limits of your power. We all have them. Jaemin’s is how much he has to eat and sleep. Chenle and Mark lack control.” He gestures to his journals before turning back to the drawers, “As you can see, mine is time. Takes a long time to come back to life.” You barely hear it when he mumbles, “Surprise, surprise.”

“You just kill yourself over and over again?”

“Pretty much.” He finds what he’s looking for but doesn’t take it out from the drawer. He turns to face you again, leaning against the dresser with his arms crossed once again. “What do you do?”

“I mimic other people’s abilities.”

His eyebrows raise slightly and he whistles lowly in appreciation, but he doesn’t say anything. “Drawback?”

“Uh… I guess it’s distance. If they’re too far away, it’s like I can’t reach their power.”

He nods in understanding, then furrows his eyebrows, “Johnny will have you training with all of us, then. Have you done ability training yet?”

You shake your head.

“How long have you been here?”

“One day,” you shrug.

“Wait, you’re the one Doyoung brought in?”

You pause, then nod.

“Ah, Jeno killed me before we could meet, I guess.”

“Jeno killed you?!” Your voice is high and loud. Jeno was much stronger, much faster, much more skilled than you were. You had no chance against him if he ever decided you were his next target. Donghyuck’s eyes widen at the loud noise, and he crosses the room to shut the door, “Shit, calm down. I’m immortal – it’s not like it’s a big deal. Almost everyone here has killed me at least once, though he does hold the record.” The side of his mouth quirks up to the side in a smile that you would almost call cute. Maybe if he wasn’t talking about his friend murdering him, he’d be cute.

You don’t know what to say to that. “You’re insane.” That works.

He shrugs, “Jeno’s always been impatient.”

“So he just kills you. Logical.” The disbelief in your voice makes him laugh.

“Rule number three; never get Jeno angry. His drawback is his anger.”

“Holy shit, where were you when I joined? I could have used some of this information.”

He raises an eyebrow at you, “Well, first of all, I was dead. Then I had to go out of town for a day – and here I am.”

You nod, “Right.”

Donghyuck grabs his bag and turns it upside down onto the top of the bed. You aren’t quite sure what you were expecting to come out, but it certainly wasn’t guns. You wait for something – anything – normal to drop out, yet it seems like it’s just guns. At least fifteen of them, ranging in size. You don’t say anything.

He takes one look at your face and immediately explains, “I just bought them. Our weapons dealer is based in China – Winwin? He’s a friend of Jaehyun’s – and he just got into the city two days ago. Jaehyun made me go pick them up.” Under all the posters and sketches on the wall, the walls are painted a bright red, and the subtle blush on Donghyuck’s face almost matches them completely.

“I didn’t realise there was more of you,” you say.

“Us.” You look up in confusion, and he offers you a smile, “More of us.” He clears his throat, his attention going back to the weapons on the bed, “Yeah, Jaehyun has connections everywhere. Japan, China, you name it.”

Carefully, he places the guns in boxes and stacks them in the corner of his room. He brushes off his hands on his thighs, “Look, I’m happy to take the couch tonight, but don’t get any ideas. This is my room, and I fully intend on taking it back after –“ He cuts himself off with a yawn and you raise an eyebrow at him. Rolling his eyes, he heads for the door, giving you an awkward bow of his head as he closes the door.

You feel a little bad about stealing his room, but you’re so tired, you don’t have enough time to think about it before you’re drifting off to sleep in his bed.

[hypnotica-ships]

3x3

So, thanks to some A+++ enabling from the discord server, I've decided to post my BNHA self insert fanfic. I haven't really talked about my insert, but I plan to sometime in the future, but for now I"ll leave ya'll in the dark.

This whole thing was made just to make me and my friends feel good and give us some much needed self indulgence.

Word Count- 1,550

Hypnotica- My S/I

Grafight- @fictional-characters-are-hot's S/I

Slasher- @alwayslovestruck's S/I

It's been 3 hours.

4 hours since the hero team Discorded was asked to help out with a capturing some drug smugglers.

3 1/2 hours since they found the drug den.

3 hours since Hypnotica sent in Grafight and Slasher to covertly search the place.

3 hours since he's heard a response.

It was a loud, shrill scream that made his blood go cold. Expecting the worst, he decided to find some loiters and use his quirk to get some backup.

After being only able to scour up 2 shadows for his mask alts to posses, he realized the longer he spends time looking for people, the more harm could come to his friends...*family*. Dolly, taking the form of a Harpy, and Dylan taking a shape of a Lion man, will have to do for backup. Hoping that it won't be needed, he finds an open window and heads into the den.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Look! They're opening the crates. That must be how they ship the quirk enhancing drugs."

"Slasher. I can't see shit, it's too dark in here and I don't have dope cat eyes like yo-....wait a sec..."

The younger of the heroes takes out a sketch book and quickly draws our some night vision binoculars and they suddenly 'pop' out into a physical object. After giving a thumbs up, in order to stay quite, Grafight uses the goggles.

"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiit....that's a lot of powder. How the hell do they sell it all?"

Slasher just shrugs it off and continues watching the group of men, tail swaying as they do.

All of a sudden, all of the men stop moving. A few moments later they all turn to the gurder that the hero duo were perched on.

"Hey! Lookey here fellas, some new 'test subjects' to try the new mix on."

"Oh as if you'd even come close to touching us! You won't even get a chance to lay a finger on us. Right Grafight?"

"Right! Good luck fuckers!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Slasher! Grafight! What's going o-...."

"We won!'

Hypnotica was greeted by the sight of Slasher triumphantly standing with one foot on top of a human mound of passed out thugs while Grafight was looking over the crate of drugs, kicking one of the thugs that started move on the ground.

"Wha- Then who the hell screamed?!"

Grafight, grabbing the thug she kicked by his collar and threatening to punch him again.

"This guy did. I think he's like...the kingpin or something. Screams like a little bitch though."

"We managed to take these guys out super easily, like it was nothing! Can't believe they were talkin' smack like they could beat us..."

Still a bit shaken up from his worry, Hypnotica headed over to check out the crate. Noticing a strange metal box buried slightly underneath some of the drugs, he pulls it out and begins to question the kingpin about it.

"This your tracker? Is this the thing that you use to keep an eye on your 'supplies'?"

"You better answer. Grafight is pretty liberal with bodily harm."

Slasher says as she walks over to look at the box better, poking it with one of her claws.

"...it....it...he.....hehaha..."

"Punching time?" Grafight asks looking up at Hypnotica.

"Not yet. He needs to be conscious to answer our questions."

"Talk then, asshat."

"...doesn't matter....we....we were gunna..."

"Gunna what, idiot?!"

"d....die...die anways..."

"...Punch him Grafight."

Hypnotica grumbles while Dolly pried open the box with her talons.

"Gladly!"

"...I don't think he meant, like, *80 times Grafight...*"

Slasher now worriedly watches as the kingpin get's absolutely destroyed by fists.

"..."

Hypnotica seems frozen as he looks down at the box, unmoving, and holding his breath. Cocking her head, Slasher notices that somethings wrong with him.

"Hey....you alright big bro?"

"..."

Finally stopping her onslaught on the kingpin, Grafight looks over to Hypnotica.

"Cat got your tongue or something?"

Still not saying a word, Hypnotica turns the box so the others can see. In the box is a small glowing green tube with wires attached to it, there's also a countdown screen slightly below it. It's only got 3 seconds left on it.

As her tail drops, so does her heart, with only a few second to accept her fate Slasher meekly gasps as she starts to speak.

'Oh..'

'Shit'

Grafight finishes Slasher's thought, right before everything goes white.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sirens are blaring as the green mist clears from the rubble of what's left of the warehouse. Various bodies are strewn all about, policemen and EMTs were able to arrive on the scene fairly quickly. Not that it mattered, the damage was done. From the looks of everything, there was no survivors, all thugs and kingpin were either crushed by the rubble or suffered from some strange type of asphyxiation. Death seemed to encompass the area, until one of the EMTs discovered a lion like shadowy figure seemingly protecting a group of still breathing bodies. The figure soon dissipated leaving a strange mask in it's place.

The bodies were still alive, but barely, and they needed medical attention and fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"-Sources say that the 'hero' team were incapable of apprehending the group and had to resort to extreme measures to stop the-"

"Horseshit! Why would we set off a bomb? We had it covered already, it wouldn't kill them to get their facts straight..."

"Calm down Gummybear, the doc said you shouldn't strain yourself..."

It's been 4 days since Grafight was released from the hospital, suffering from 2 broken arms, rendering her unable to use her quirk...among other things. Fatgum, her partner, had insisted to stay by her side until things healed, neglecting his own hero duties in the process.

"The doc can shove it as far I care! These newscasters have no right to spew out garbage lies like that! It's gunna hurt our rep.... Sure we might not be the nicest, safest, smartest heroes in the game, but we aren't villainous either!"

"...You...you do have a point, but don't worry about it, I"m sure one of the others will give them a piece of their mind and sort things out. Right now you and I have dinner to eat!"

Grumbling as she rose from the couch, Grafight followed her partner to the kitchen, sitting down at the small round dinning table that the family usually shared. This dinner was different though. The table had a nice white satin cloth draped over it, with 2 light candles on top. It seemed that this time these two will be dinning alone.

"Take a seat baby, I'll go grab our meal."

"It better be something good, the meals at the hospital were utter shit..."

She lets her sentence trail on as a covered plate is placed ever so gently in front of her.

"Oh? Did you plan on surprising me? ....Babe, my arms, I can't open it."

"Yeah, my bad, here ya go my sweet Gummy."

Fatgum slowly removes the cover for maximum surprise effect. Once it's off, Grafight can't help but smiley widely as she notices one of her favorite meals, but with a culinary twist. Hotdogs sliced up into star shapes, surrounded by a circle of mashed potatoes, topped with melted cheese, a dash or salt, and a glob of ketchup in the middle of it all.

"So? Ya like?"

"..."

Grafight's eye's start to tear up, but her smile still stays plastered on her face. Fatgum notices right away and goes to quickly grab some tissues.

"Oh Gummy, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you! I just...I just thought I could do something special for ya...I...I-"

"Oh baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe! I love it! Omg, I love it so much, you're the best, you know that right?"

"I...yeah....no. Wait. YOU'RE the best, you're so strong and special to me, I...I"m just so happy that I didn't lose you...you mean the universe to me."

"Stop...I'm already crying, let's just...let's just enjoy this meal together, okay?"

"Okay. I"m starving anyways..."

Fatgum takes his place across from Grafight, and starts to devour his meal.

"Uh....Ahem...."

"Oh! Yeah, my bad, let me help ya."

The two enjoy their meal together, never breaking their love filled eye contact.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Slow down Mochi, you shouldn't be over-exerting yourself."

"But Kano, I want to dance! I really like this song...cough cough...it's a total....total banger, and I deserve to have some.....fun after what happened. Everyone else has been so....gloomy since then....I just....want to bring some life.....back into the house is all...."

"I know, I know...but, you won't be able to do much joy-spreading if you can barely walk to the mailbox without getting winded halfway there."

"Hmph, stupid bomb chemicals getting.....getting into my lungs...fucking up my whole system...did they ever figure out what...what was in that tube...anyways?"

"They still haven't called us back about the results yet, but they said the inhaler they gave you was working well enough for us not to worry. So we won't, right Mochi?"

"...Yeah...I guess...I just hate...feeling weak like this...I wanna cry but.... I don't want the others to...to see....they've been through enough....I don't wan them to worry about me...me too..."

Kano takes a moment to think, after a moment he takes Slasher's paw and leads her into the living room.

"Sweety...what are you doing?"

After he gets Slasher to relax on the couch, he walks over the Hypnotica's advance sound system and grabs a homemade looking CD. Putting it in he looks to Slasher.

"The good doctor said YOU shouldn't exert yourself, but....he never said anything about me."

As soon as the music starts, Kano begins to dance in a way that's all to familiar to Slasher. It's a dance they've grown to call the 'Humpty Dance', and no one else in the house can quite get it right like these two.

"Oh Kano! This....this makes me so....happy! Keep...keep going! Maybe...maybe you could...put in some...Slipknot next? Pwetty Pwease?"

"Anything for you my Mochi."

Slasher enjoys the show Kano puts on for almost 2 hours, by the time he gets done, Kano is just about as winded as Slasher has been recently. The two then cuddle on the couch, just taking in each other's slow and labored breathes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You will most certainly not."

Sir Nighteye slams his hand down on the counter to emphasize his point, making Hypntoica jump a little.

"And why the fuck not? The need to get their facts straight. I will not stand for all of this fucking slander."

Sir sighs and pushes his glasses up, trying to calm himself down.

"I understand that, but 'kidnapping the newsroom executive' is not the most ideal way to go about it. You can barely walk, even with the crutches!"

Motioning to Hypnotica's broken left leg, and the sprain in his other. Hypnotica just huffs and looks off to the side, still with an angered expression plastered on his face.

"So. Fucking. What? Okay, maybe kidnapping is a bit extreme, but..."

Sir's own angry expression starts to soften as he notices the tears that begin to fall from his partner's face. Wondering how long he's been holding it in.

"...I can't let my family take the blame for a stupid mistake that I made!"

Hypnotica's body begins to shudder as more tears fall, Sir walks over to him and embraces him in a way to try to calm him down.

"It's not your fault...all of you did what you could to try and handle the situation."

"That doesn't excuse all of the death and destruction that happened, and not to mention all the hurt my family is going through because of it!"

"No. It doesn't. But how is any of that your doing, hmm?"

"...I...I..."

"Shh, just stay, and relax. I'll make up a fully detailed report and send out a few copies to some of the stations. They'll most likely use those facts since my name does carry some weight..."

While still holding him with his right hand, Sir uses his left to tilt Hypnotica's chin up to meet his eyes. After a few seconds go by, he rests his head on his partner's.

"...Trust me dear. Everything will turn out just fine."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I saw it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A trusted source, who has decided to stay anonymous, has confirmed that the deaths in the Discorded Warehouse accident were not the before mentioned teams fault, but the fault of-"

"Thank you! Finally, a news channel that checks their facts. Even though I'm fine with a few deaths under my belt, but whatever I guess."

"Oh! Look Gummy! That's me! Saving all of those orphans was quite the task, I'll have to tell you all about it later."

"Kano my love! Let me help you with those dishes, there is far to many for one man to clean."

"Thank you Mochi! I kinda went all out with the meal this time, it was a celebration for everyone recovering so quickly....well, mostly everyone..."

"I call bullshit. Of course right after I get healed I trip down the stairs and end up right back to square one."

"Guess that means I'll have play nurse bit longer my dear."

~~*Cue Laugh Track*~~

[roaringgirl]

Books read in January

I am keeping this as a little record for myself, as I already keep a list (my best new year’s resolution - begun Jan 2018) but don’t record my thoughts

General thoughts on this - I read a lot this month but it played into my worst tendencies to read very very fast and not reflect, something I’m particularly prone too with modern fiction. I just, so to speak, swallow it without thinking. First 5 or so entries apart, I did quite well in my usually miserably failed attempt to have my reading be at least half books by women.

1. John le Carré - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (1974): I liked this a lot! I sort of lost track of the Cold War and shall we say ethics-concerned parts of it and ended up reading a fair bit of it as an English comedy of manners - but I absolutely love all the bizarre rules about what is in bad taste (are these real? Did le Carré make them up?).

2. John le Carré - The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1963): I liked this a lot less. It seemed at the same time wilfully opaque and entirely predictable. Have been thinking a lot about genre fiction - I love westerns and noir, so wonder if for me British genre fiction doesn’t quite scratch the same itch.

3. David Lodge - Ginger You’re Barmy (1962): This was fine. I don’t have much to say about it - I was interested in reading about National Service and a bit bogged down in a history of it so read a novel. As with most comic novels, it was perfectly readable but not very funny.

4. Dan Simmons - Song of Kali (1985): His first novel. This is quite enjoyable just for the amount of Grand Guignol gore, and also because I like to imagine it caused the Calcutta tourist board some consternation. Wildly structurally flawed, however. Best/worst quote: ‘Hearing Amrita speak was like being stroked by a firm but well-oiled palm.’ Continues in that vein.

5. Richard Vinen - National Service: A Generation in Uniform (2014): If you are interested in National Service, this is a good overview! If not, not.

6. Sarah Moss - Ghost Wall (2018): I absolutely loved this. About a camping trip trying to recreate Iron Age Britain. Just, very upsetting but so so good - a horror story where the horror is male violence and abuse within the (un)natural family unit.

7. Kate Grenville - A Room Made of Leaves (2020): Excellent idea, but not amazing execution - the style is kind of bland in that ‘ironed out in MFA workshops’ way (I have no idea if she did an MFA but that’s what it felt like). Rewriting the story of early Australian colonisation through the POV of John Macarthur’s wife Elizabeth.

8. Ruth Goodman - How to Be a Victorian (2013): I mostly read this for Terror fic reasons, if I’m honest. I skimmed a lot of it but she has a charming authorial voice and I really like that she covers the beginning of the period, not just post-1870.

9. Gary Shteyngart - Super Sad True Love Story (2010): I read this on a recommendation from Ms Poose after I asked for good fiction mostly concerned with the internet, and I thought it was excellent - it’s very exaggerated/non-realistic and that heightening of incident and affect works so well.

10. Brenda Wineapple - The Impeachers: The Trial of Andrew Johnson and the Dream of a Just Nation (2019): What a great book. I had to keep putting it down because reading about Reconstruction always makes me so sad and frustrated with what might have been - the lost dream of a better world.

11. Halle Butler - The New Me (2019): Reading this while single, starting antidepressants and stuck in an office job that bores me to death but is too stable/undemanding to complain about maybe wasn’t a great decision, for me, emotionally.

12. Halle Butler - Jillian (2015): Ditto.

13. Ottessa Moshfegh - Death in Her Hands (2020): Very disappointed by this. I don’t really like meta-fiction unless it’s really something special and this wasn’t. Also, I’m stupid and really bad at reading, like, postmodern allegorical fiction I just never get it.

14. Andrea Lawlor  - Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl (2017): This was really really hot! I will admit I don’t think the reflections on gender, homophobia, AIDS etc are very deep or as revealing as some reviews made out, but I also don’t think they’re supposed to be? It’s a lot of fun and all of the characters in it are so precisely, fondly but meanly sketched.

15. Catherine Lacey - The Answers (2017): This was fine! Readable, enjoyable, but honestly it has not stuck with me. There are only so many sad girl dystopias you can read and I think I overdid it with them this month.

16. Hilary Mantel - Wolf Hall (2010, reread): Was supposed to read the first 55 pages of this for my two-person book club, but I completely lack self-restraint so reread the whole thing in four days. Like, I love it I don’t really know what else to say. I was posing for years that ‘Oh, Mantel’s earlier novels are better, they’re such an interesting development of Muriel Spark and the problem of evil and farce’ blah blah blah but nope, this is great.

17. Oisin Fagan - Hostages (2016): Book of short stories that I disliked intensely, which disappointed me because I tore through Nobber in horrified fascination (his novel set in Ireland during the Black Death - which I really cannot recommend enough. It’s so intensely horrible but, like Mantel although in a completely different style/method, he has the trick of not taking the past on modern terms). A lot of this is sci-fi dystopia short stories which just aren’t... very good or well-sustained. BUT I did appreciate it because it is absolutely the opposite of pleasant, competently-written but forgettable MFA fiction.

18. Muriel Spark - Loitering with Intent (1981): Probably my least favourite Spark so far, but still good. I think the Ealing Comedy-esque elements of her style are most evident and most dated here. It just doesn’t have the same sentence-by-sentence sting as most of her work, and again I don’t like meta-fiction.

19. Hilary Mantel - Bring up the Bodies (2012, reread): Having (re)read all of these in about 3 months, I think this is probably my favourite of the three. I just love the way a whole world, whole centuries and centuries of history and society spiral out from every paragraph. And just stylistically, how perfect - every sentence is a cracker. I’m just perpetually in awe of Mantel as a prose stylist (although I dislike that everyone seems to write in the present tense now and blame her for it).

20. Muriel Spark - The Girls of Slender Means (1963, reread): (TW weight talk etc ) As always, Hilary Mantel sets me off on a Muriel Spark spree. I’ve read this too many times to say much about it other than that the denouement always makes me go... my hips definitely wouldn’t fit through that window. Maybe I should lose weight in case I have to crawl out of a bathroom window due to a fire caused by an unexploded bomb from WW2???? Which is a wild throwback to my mentality as a 16 year old.

21. China Mieville - Perdido Street Station (2000, reread): What a lot of fun. I know we don’t do steampunk anymore BUT I do like that he got in the whole economic and justice system of the early British Industrial Revolution and not just like steam engines. God, maybe I should read more sci-fi. Maybe I should reread the rest of this trilogy but that’s like 2000 pages. Maybe I should reread the City and the City because at least that’s short and ties exactly into my Disco Elysium obsession (the mod I downloaded to unlock all dialogue keeps breaking the game though. Is there a script online???)

22. Stephen King - Carrie (1974): I have a confession to make: I was supposed to teach this to one of my tutees and then just never read it, but to be honest we’re still doing basic reading comprehension anyway. That sounds mean but she’s very sweet and I love teaching her because she gets perceptibly less intimidated/critical of herself every lesson. ANYWAY I read half of this in the bath having just finished my period, which I think was perfect. It’s fun! Stephen King is fun! I don’t have anything deeper to say.

23. Hilary Mantel - Every Day is Mother’s Day (1985): You can def tell this is a first novel because it doesn’t quite crackle with the same demonic energy as like, An Experiment in Love or Beyond Black, but all the recurring themes are there. If it were by anyone else I’d be like good novel! But it’s not as good as her other novels.

24. Dominique Fortier - On the Proper Usage of Stars (2010): This was... perfectly competent. Kind of dull? It made me think of what I appreciate about Dan Simmons which is how viscerally unpleasant he makes being in the Navy seem generally, and man-hauling with scurvy specifically. This had the same problem with some other FE fiction which is that they’re mostly not willing to go wild and invent enough so the whole thing is kind of diffuse and under-characterised. Although I hated the invented plucky Victorian orphan who’s great at magnetism and taxonomy and read all ONE THOUSAND BOOKS or whatever on the ships before they got thawed out at Beechey (and then the plotline just went nowhere because they immediately all died???) I had to skim all his bits in irritation. I liked the books more than this makes it sound I was just like Mr Tuesday I hope you fall down a crevasse sooner rather than later.

25. Muriel Spark - The Abbess of Crewe (1974): Transposing Watergate to an English convent is quite funny, although it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that’s what she was doing even though I lit read a book covering Watergate in detail in December. Muriel Spark is just so, so stylish I’m always consumed with envy. I think a lot of her books don’t quite hang together as books but sentence by sentence... they’re exquisite and incomparable.

Overall thoughts: This month was very indulgent since I basically just inhaled a lot of not challenging fiction. I need to enjoy myself less, so next month we’re finishing a biography of Napoleon, reading the Woman in White and finishing the Lesser Bohemians which currently I’m struggling with since it’s like nearly as impenetrable Joyce c. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man but, so far... well I hesitate to say bad since I think once I get into I’ll be into it but. Bad.

[magickdream-creations]

Chapter Seven :: The Calm

“Always be genuine. People can sense when someone isn't being themselves.” - Jeffree Star

Laughter rang throughout the lair in differentiating pitches and tones. Pure, honest, unfiltered laughter. The whole group was lounging about enjoying their dinner of several large pizzas with varying topping combos. The story swaps had them all in stitches except for Casey Jones, who had a soured embarrassed expression as the current tale was a recount of his first encounter with the turtles and their master.

"Tell me you didn't actually fall for it, Jones!" Dorian was gripping his side with his right hand while the left kept him upright by bracing against the floor. Casey gave the man a pointed glare as an answer which only served to make Dorian start up another fit of laughter.

"Oh, he totally fell for it!" Michelangelo grabbed out a slice of three-cheese before leaning back in his spot on the couch.

"Hauled balls straight at Master Splinter and got his ass handed to 'em!" Raphael leaned over and bumped fists with Mikey earning a slight groan from Casey that made both teens roar with laughter again. The two youngest had found it far more hilarious since they had been the ones who had baited him into the whole ordeal.

"Kiss my ass you two," Casey grumbled before taking a drink from his soda trying his best to not let them get under his skin any more than they already had. He had not been at all amused by the recount of his unfortunate meeting though, if he were honest he would not have changed it one bit.

“Oh, that is absolutely priceless! I would have loved to have seen the look on your face Casey.” Lyra wiped a laughter induced tear from her eyes before grabbing out another slice of pepperoni for herself.

“So the whole Elite Eight thing you've mentioned in one of your stories. Is that a fancy group or some sort of ranking system?” April was genuinely curious about the inner workings of their clan. She had never heard about them until tonight and the reporter in her could not help but want in on more for a story. Dorian had almost choked on the bite of pizza he had taken but was able to chase it down with some soda before answering.

"In a sense, both assumptions would be correct. The Elite Eight is the highest skilled assassins throughout the whole organization and the four of us fall under those ranks." He watched as April leaned closer as if hoping for more detailed information on the group which only made Dorian chuckle.

"What are the ranks and what determines those ranks?" April was full of questions she wanted to be answered which in that instant seemed to make Dorian a little nervous. He knew what she was up to and he was a bit leery of telling inner workings to someone who had no real way to defend themselves. A quick scan around the room told him everyone else was listening intently to the new topic of conversation now. There was no getting around it.

“Listen. I don't mind telling you but you have to swear you will not go public with any of this until we have taken down the corruption. It is for your own safety April that you play it like you never met us or know anything about the Black Lotus. Promise?” Dorian gave a quick thought and looked over to Casey not knowing much about the guy other than he was a former cop turned vigilante. He was not taken chances on anyone getting hurt over stories. “That goes for you as well Jones. Promise?”

“Promise,” the two spoke in unison as everyone settled in more comfortably to hear the explanation Dorian was about to give them.

“Our ranks are determined by the eight codes of Bushido. The one you show most of is the rank you are put under.”

“There are only seven codes of Bushido.” Leonardo raised a brow but the tone he spoke in sounded a bit unsure which got a small chuckle from Dorian.

“Seven spoken yes but, there is an eighth one that is a sort of unspoken one that everyone should always follow when they learn or enact the Bushido way. The eight codes are as follows and in order; justice, courage, respect, honesty, honor, loyalty, wisdom, and mercy. Mercy is the one that no matter what you must show to your opponent.” Dorian paused in his explaining long enough to finish off the soda he had been working on and popped open a new one. It was enough time to let the information he gave so far sink in.

"So each of you represented a code more so than the others and that's how you're ranked? Does age not effect it at all?" Donatello was quite curious about how their ranks worked since it would mean who they had thought was the leader of their assassin friends very well could not be the leader. Dorian shifted a little from where he sat and that elicited a stifled giggle from Lyra.

“Nope! Age has nothing to do with it. We're just really nice to our big brother and let him play leader when we're out on missions.” Lyra got up and went over to Arietta who had sat away from the group to doodle in her sketchpad while she had eaten. The youngest quickly attached herself in a fierce hug causing Arietta's earbuds to pop out and the ebony-haired assassin looked not at all pleased at the interruption.

“Do you mind?”

“In fact, Arietta here is the highest ranked out of the four of us!” Lyra grinned not really paying mind that she had interrupted her sister's sketching zen. Arietta rolled her eyes having understood fully what the topic of conversation was just by what her little sister had said.

“That ranking system is ridiculous,” she spoke in a not so amused tone as she closed up her sketchbook. Her cheeks were lightly tinged with a blush of embarrassment.

“So how come Arietta isn't the leader?” Mikey was a following everything about the ranking system but the fact that the higher ranked assassin was not the one leading the team was a little confusing. Why would they have a ranking system if they did not adhere to it?

“There are several reasons. This mission tonight has really been the only mission all four of us have been on together. They never send more than two of the elites out at the same time and it's rare that the missions really call for something so drastic. Arietta over there hardly gets sent out with anyone since she doesn't play well with others." Calliope grinned up from her book on medicinal properties of plants. The way the spine was worn down showed how many times she opened it and read the contents within.

“They call it her being courageous and we call it being rash and foolish.” Lyra let out a giggle as she let go of her hold on Arietta to make her way back to the spot she had claimed on the floor. She scooted herself near the table covered with pizza boxes and picked up her slice that she had neglected in her moment of teasing.

“So says the honest one.” Arietta stuck her tongue out at her little sister and shook her head gently when she received a grin right back. With a sigh of defeat she shut off her music but she opened her sketchbook up once again to the page she had been working on. A small wave of her hand in Dorian's direction was the only signal she was going to give that she was fine with the topic at hand and that he could continue.

"Well, that covers the virtue parts of the ranking. To better protect our identities we were each given a code name in Japanese that are animals. Those animals we somehow fit so that's how the figureheads came up with the concept. I will tell them to you in English so it doesn't get redundant. The order by rank are as follows; dragon, fox, raccoon, rabbit, crow, wolf, cat, and rat. We've never had the pleasure of working with Ryuu or Nezumi before and Neko we've only ever met in passing." Dorian pulled out his final slice of pizza and took a bite figuring that was a good explanation to give to April on the ranking system of their organization.

"What about Karasu?" Master Splinter had begun versing himself in Japanese over the years as a way to pass the time so figuring out the code name for the one that wasn't mentioned did not take much thought.

“Oh, we know him pretty well. Arietta knows him even more so than we do.” The tone Lyra had spoken in was enough to suggest something on the more romantic side which caused Arietta to snap her attention up quickly.

“Damn it Lyra I told you we're just really good friends! I turned his ass down flat. End of story!”

“Right. Is that why he would follow you around like a lost puppy or got super depressed when you were away on missions?” Lyra's words instantly turned Arietta's expression from one of embarrassment to one of agitation in mere seconds. The youngest let out a squeak of surprise as her sister came racing toward her. Lyra acted fast and shot up from the floor launching herself over the table towards the couch in a rapid jump. She used the spacing between Michelangelo and Donatello, whom both were innocently sitting on the couch, so she could get behind the furniture and further her escape plan.

“I'm going to box your ears Lyra!” Arietta was right behind her little sister following the exact same path the rainbow haired sibling was taking. The laughter ringing out from everyone was not phasing her irritation in the slightest instead, it was only fueling it more.

"Someone grab her! She's on a war path," Usagi laughed out as she ran from the back of the couch to the recliner Raphael was lounging in. She jumped the sides and prayed she would be saved but her next course would be to head back towards the couch in hopes that Mikey or Donnie would be her saviors. Raph was not about to miss out on evening the score so just as Arietta tried clearing his lap as a hurdle to get to Lyra he grabbed her around her waist mid-jump making sure to grip her tight against him.

"Let me go Red!" Arietta squirmed with all of her might to try and get out of his hold to no avail. He had a damn good grip and he was not making any move to let her go. Lyra gave a victory sign with her fingers and that triumphant grin made Arietta want to pummel her sister even more so than before.

"Not a chance Foxy." Raph grinned as he kept a tight hold on her but he was nice enough to make sure he did not hurt her in any way. "Now we're even. Two to two."

“Asshole.” Arietta stopped her struggling knowing now that her efforts were completely futile. She resigned to sitting across his lap with her arms folded over her chest. She gave a slight huff of defeat.

"You love me." He grinned at her making sure only she could hear what he said that time as the laughter started dying down. She only rolled her eyes at him and turned a hard glare toward her sister who at that point was claiming her spot on the floor again. In all actuality, Arietta was trying to hide the small blush that tinged her cheeks from Raphael. She was not quite sure how to react to sitting in his lap even spite the reason for her being in the situation in the first place.

“So what was it like for you guys growing up? Did you get to go watch movies or play sports?” Casey smirked as he grabbed out the last slice of jalapeno and bacon. He put the now empty box on top of the others stacked at the side of the table.

"We didn't really have what you would call a normal childhood. Most of our lives we spent training to become the lethal weapons we are. If we weren't training we studied academically at the compound. We had a very tight and strict schedule we had to follow by." Calliope put her book down on the arm of the chair she was in before she got up to retrieve more food. She put a slice of spinach artichoke on a plate and deciding to be merciful she grabbed up two slices of Hawaiian before taking the extra plate over to Arietta. She smiled seeing the excitement light up in those violet eyes when Arietta took the plate from her and she sat her own in her chair deciding to be even nicer to her younger sibling. Retrieving the sketchbook and pens Calliope brought them to the artist and set them in her lap before taking her seat again with her refill of pizza.

“We weren't completely in the dark though. We would sneak out when we could to go to the movies or go spend a few hours in the arcades. There were a handful of times Lyra and Calliope would go to the mall on their little shopping sprees.” Dorian chuckled lightly remembering the many times when he had to listen to them act like giddy school girls while they showed off their newest purchases.

"I always thought it was funny that Hisoka knew we got new stuff but never got on to us about where we got it from or how we got it." Lyra mused out that thought and Arietta stiffened in the middle of taking a bite of her pizza. Raph only raised a brow at her as she took the bite before giving him a shake of her head subtly. He filed that away as something to ask at a later time. Another question was more pertinent for him to ask anyway.

“So did you guys get to choose your weapons or were they chosen for you?” He knew that had been a good one to ask since it caused his brothers to perk up and pay closer attention. Their weapons had been chosen for them carefully by Master Splinter and they had all been equally curious if others had been dealt the same way. Dorian was looking at the ceiling for the moment as if he was plucking the strings of thought from the very air above them.

"As initiates, we all trained in various weapon styles. Some we excelled at more than others but I suppose it was neither us nor the Weapons Master that chose. It was the weapons themselves that chose us. They just kind of fit like gloves I guess." Dorian gave a small shrug since he never really put much thought to it. He just simply knew his naginata was his and his alone. "We have many weapons in our arsenal but our main ones are our deadliest when we use them."

"Way to get all mystical on them, Dee." Arietta teased her brother as she switched out her now empty plate for her sketchbook. Her statement caused laughter to rise from all of them and even Dorian got a chuckle out of it.

“Any favorite missions you guys want to tell?” Michelangelo scooted out on his cushion of the couch with a cheesy grin on his face. After a most of the night had been spent with the four brothers recounting their own adventures. He was excited to hear a few of the assassins' tales.

“Barcelona.” Both Arietta and Dorian spoke out in quick unison while Lyra and Calliope merely groaned out together. Calliope picked her book back up to continue reading while Lyra put her face in her palm in exasperation.

“You're going to scar everybody with that one.” The rainbow haired girl moved her hand from her face to give Dorian a lighthearted glare. He answered her back with a small grin.

“What happened in Barcelona?” Leonardo was actually genuinely curious to hear about one of Dorian's missions. The more they got to know the Quintus siblings the more he began to get more curious about how Dorian worked. He crossed his arms as if to shut those thoughts in completely and lock them up tight.

“I'll let my beautiful wife over there tell this one.” Dorian looked over to Arietta who in turn was glaring daggers at him.

“I will end you.” She growled out to her big brother.

"You two were married?" Raphael was about as shocked as everyone else at that one. He could hear Casey still trying to clear his airway from his drink going down the wrong pipe. "Hold up, you're brother and sister, right? How would that even work?"

"That is the absolute worse way to start a story, Dorian." Arietta pinched the bridge of her nose to keep a small headache at bay. "We weren't really married we just pretending to be for the sake of the mission. This was only the second mission Dorian and I have ever been on. The other mission isn't near as lighthearted but we'll save that one for another time."

“Promise?!” Mikey interjected with such a hopeful tone that Arietta could not help but to laugh with the rest of the group. She moved her hand from her face and looked to the youngest turtle to give him a small nod. She made a cross sign over her chest to seal in that she promised she would before she closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest to begin the tale.

"This happened about four years ago and our mark was the Prime Minister of Spain. The guy was using his political position as a way to keep up the flow of drugs and human trafficking. He was pretty bold about it but very thorough in making sure nothing connected back to him. The guy was a total devil and the Black Lotus was hired to get rid of him once and for all. Since pretty much everyone else had missions of their own it fell to Dorian and me to get the job done. We posed as a drug kingpin and wife so we could attend the grand masquerade party the man was holding at his estate." She paused her story and took a drink from the soda Raphael offered her before she continued on.

“It didn't take much to become buddies with the guy. He was a completely disgusting pig. He talked a bit of business with Dorian while I did my best act of playing a very sexually needy wife. A few drinks in and the guy was practically begging for us to let him in on the action or even just watch.” Arietta shivered recalling the way the guy would subtly rub against her arm or place his hand against her back.

“This sounds like something out of a movie,” April spoke gently trying to stomach the thoughts of the two siblings having to deal with such a sleazy man.

“Sometimes the movies get it right. We found his proposition as an opportunity to get him alone and away from his bodyguards so we agreed.” She gave a small shrug as she calmly told the story but she felt Raph nudge her side and she looked at him. His eyes held a bit of shocked curiosity and she had a feeling about what she was going to ask her.

“Did you two actually do anything to each other?” He did not flat out ask it but it got his point across making Arietta scoff slightly before she punched his bicep lightly.

"Oh hell no! Dorian was able to slip the poison into the Prime Minister's drink while we were in the room and we had to stall for about ten minutes for it to take effect. The most we had to do was put on an intense make-out session and my dress came off. That was it. Once the guy hit the floor we were out of there to catch our scheduled extraction flight back to Japan. No one even knew he was dead until the late afternoon and by that time we were back to the compound getting set up with our next orders." She picked up the plate from her lap intending on leaning over far enough to put it on the table. Dorian just had to open his big mouth though.

“Isn't my wife a bad ass babe?” He laughed out at his joke but yelled out as the plate Arietta had smacked him right in the forehead all Frisbee style. He rubbed his head as the room erupted into more laughter.

"You had better sleep with one eye open big brother," Calliope smirked and got a glare from Dorian in return.

“Speaking of sleep. We'd better head home and catch up on our rest.” Casey stood up and stretched a bit before fishing out the keys to the van. April stood up and gave a small stretch of her own and a little yawn to go with it.

“We're both off of work so if you guys need anything just get a hold of us.” She paused a moment and held back a laugh before she pointed at the now passed out Lyra. The bubbly young woman was using her arms as pillows as she slept against the table. “Somebody has a head start.”

"Yeah, all that hyper happiness makes her crash out like she just came down from a sugar high." Dorian stood up and was about to scoop up his sister when he felt pressure on his shoulder. He looked to the source and was a little confused to see Donnie was the one who had stopped him.

“Let me take her. I've got to get a start on going through all the data she helped me collect anyway.” Dorian gave the turtle a small nod and watched as he carefully scooped up his youngest sister with such gentle care as if she was made of glass. He could not help but smile as Donatello headed toward the spare room that had been set up as a bedroom for the four of them. Master Splinter got up from his chair and cleared his throat to get the attention of those who remained in the room.

"I suggest you all get some rest. We will begin team training once Lyra and Calliope return from their errands." He gave a tilt of his head to bid them all a good night before he headed toward his room to retire. Arietta let out a soft groan and buried her face into her sketchbook for a moment.

“It won't be that bad.” Raphael poked her side and she pulled the sketchbook away just enough to give him a slight glare.

“Have you never really work as a team?” Mikey's voice held a little concern with the way Arietta was reacting to the prospect of teamwork. Arietta closed up her sketchbook and set it on the arm of the recliner before she patted Raph's arms to let her up. He did not argue with her and let her up watching her make her way towards the room. When she was out of sight the brothers looked to the two remaining Quintus siblings. Dorian gave a shake of his head as Calliope closed her book up for the final time.

"We do find strength in working as one unit, Arietta, however, believes it better for herself to work alone. Believe me when I say that patience will be the key with her. She'll learn to do it but it will just take a lot of time and more than likely a lot of arguing." Calliope got up and started to the room but she paused seeing Arietta walking back out wearing dark jeans, combat boots, and a black hoodie. Quietly Callie grabbed a hold of her sister's arm to stop her. They locked eyes but neither said anything to one another.

“Where do you think you're going?” Dorian spoke out killing the silence as she stood up and went over to the two. His tone had an almost fatherly quality to it.

“If you want me to even think about giving this whole team thing a shot you'll let me go get some me time first. I've got to get a clear head.” Arietta looked to Dorian but she showed no real anger or agitation at either one of her siblings. Calliope let go of the arm she had in her grip and she sighed gently. Leonardo had got up from the couch and approached the trio keeping his eyes locked on Arietta.

“You're not going out there by yourself. It's too dangerous.” He readied himself for an argument as the woman was about to open her mouth to speak. Another voice completely cut her off before she could take the breath to talk.

“I'll go with 'er.” They all turned to Raphael who had been the one to speak up and he only shrugged at them. Leo smirked and looked to Ari who at that second pulled her hood over head.

“I'll go too.” He gave Dorian a smirk as the guy looked up at him in surprise. “We'll make sure she doesn't get into any trouble.”

“Great. Just what I needed. Two babysitters,” Arietta spoke in a chuckled tone but her whole body instantly tensed as Callie pulled her into a fierce hug.

"You have got your tessen?" She smiled as her younger sister nodded and gave a pat on the back rather than return the hug. Callie let her go and gave both Raph and Leo a very stern no-nonsense look. "You all had better come back safe. Two hours tops or I swear Dorian and I will come find you."

"Yes, ma'am." Leonardo smiled and lead the way as Arietta followed behind them. Raphael took up position behind her and leaned closer to the ebony-haired assassin.

“Motherly much?”

“I heard that!” Calliope shouted out which made the three of them hurry out of there. Mikey let out a small laugh having enjoyed seeing his older brothers get a little spooked.

“Remind me never to make you angry, Callie.”

[onceuponaloonatic]

haeun ~ dubchaeng

“woah she’s moving!” kihyun giggled at the feeling of dahyun’s stomach moving.

“yeah she’s been pretty active lately.” dahyun giggled. “just like you were kihyun.”

“woah i was like that?!” kihyun asked with sparkling eyes.

“uh-hum. you were super active, like a puppy.” dahyun giggled at her son.

“oh like ari!” kihyun giggled. “was ari active in his mommy’s tummy?”

“that’s a good question i don’t know.” dahyun laughed. “ari’s mother can’t tell us because she’s a dog.”

“where is ari’s mother?” kihyun asked.

“she has her own owner and her own family, dogs mature faster so they don’t need their mommies for as long.”

“i’m going to need mommy forever!” kihyun giggled.

“that’s right baby.” dahyun pet kihyun’s head.

“dahyun he’s going to need to go out into the world on his own one day.” chaeyoung commented, off to the side sketching something on her ipad.

“but kihyunie is mommy’s baby.”

“you sound like nayeon and it’s terrifying.”

“yeah i heard it.” dahyun sighed. “what am i becoming?”

“i don’t know pregnancy makes you all weird.”

“yeah it does!” kihyun agreed. “mommy has been so weird.”

“hey i don’t appreciate this.” dahyun pouted.

“oh she kicked again!” kihyun laughed as he felt a kick under his hand.

“this is stupid.” daehyung muttered. he was lying on the floor drawing on some paper.

“dae?” dahyun asked. “look i know your upset. but she hasn’t even come yet-”

“whatever.” daehyung pouted. “she’s just going to be annoying anyway. just like all the other kids.” chaeyoung and dahyun shared a look and chaeyoung our her tablet down to look daehyung in the eyes.

“we have put up with this attitude because we know this is a big change for you. it’s a big change for us too. but in four months you will have a little sister daehyung. and you better be nice to her, she is going to love you but if you treat her badly she will grow to hate you and it will make you and the rest of us miserable okay?” chaeyoung was never strict. her and dahyun both didn’t like to be strict with the boys, they preferred talking it out to being strict. but it had been five months and daehyung was still not coming around with the idea of a baby sister. chaeyoung had watched her son be petty and annoying every time it was brought up. she couldn’t take it anymore. his behavior had to stop.

“fine.” daehyung pouted. “whatever.”

“dae-”

“chaeyoung just stop.” dahyun sighed, rubbing her swollen mid section. if daehyung was jsut going to be a little turd, they should let him. until the baby is born he can get this behavior out of his system. but once she was born, dahyun wasn’t going to put up with him being like this anymore.

“mommy have we picked a name for baby?” kihyun broke the awkward silence.

“no we haven’t thought of one.” dahyun laughed. “why don’t you suggest a name?”

“saya!”

“that’s your cousins name silly.” dahyun laughed. “and we aren’t japanese.”

“hm... i don’t know...” kihyun trailed off. “dae got any suggestions?”

“stupid head.” daehyung answered.

“your sister is not being named stupid head.” dahyun nodded.

“i think i have an idea of what to name her.” dahyun muttered, still stroking her tummy.

“what is it?”

“can’t say.” dahyun giggled at kihyun.

“what?” kihyun asked.

“you’ll have to wait until she’s born.” dahyun laughed.

“no fair i want to know.” kihyun whined.

“you will, eventually. and who knows mama might not even like it.” chaeyoung looked at dahyun in confusion, dahyun giggling at the confused look on her face.

later that night as they were laying in bed together chaeyoung stroked dahyun’s stomach as they laid together. chaeyoung wasn’t a clingy person and neither was dahyun it it was nice to have some quiet moments to themselves sometimes.

“so what is the name you came up with?” chaeyoung asked.

“i was thinking maybe we should name her haeun.” dahyun answered. “she’s our gift from god.”

“i love that name.” chaeyoung whispered, kissing dahyun’s cheek. “son haeun.”

“son haeun. it sounds nice doesn’t it?” dahyun giggled.

“yeah. it’s perfect.”

xx

the day haeun was born was chaotic to say the least. dahyun has been right with her predictions about haeun being a worse pregnancy than daehyung. she had been miserable to have and dahyun’s morning sickness never really went away. by the end she just wanted haeun out of her stomach and in her arms.

but haeun didn’t get the message. she was stubborn like chaeyoung and deicded she wanted to be late. dahyun has been anxiously awaiting her due date and when she didn’t feel any contractions she was mad. then the second day passed with the same results.

“this is dumb i was told this would be over with on september twentieth.” dahyun pouted.

“she’s just taking her time baby.” chaeyoung giggled.

“yeah well your time is up son haeun. it’s time to come into the outside world.” dahyun told her stomach. chaeyoung laughed, dahyun was generally a slim person so when she was pregnant it always looked more dramatic on her than it did on others.

“she’ll come when she’s ready.” chaeyoung laughed.

“and when is that?”

“i don’t know. could be october before she’s ready.”

“please do not say that the thought of being like this for two more weeks fills me with fear.” dahyun sighed. “why can’t any of our kids be on time. i thought wow maybe haeun will be on time but no. she’s just as late as kihyun and daehyung were well-” dahyun stooped herslef mid rant and let out a little squeak.

“well what?”

“i-i think she understood i was mad.”

“what does that mean?”

“i just had a contraction.” dahyun ekked out. “and i think i’m going to have another one soon.”

“crap okay, let’s go. come on let’s get you to the hospital before you kill me like you nearly did with dae.” chaeyoung panicked, grabbing their baby bag and their phones.

“my water hasn’t broken yet i’m fine-” dahyun was interrupted by herself and let out a scream of pain.

“yes clearly you are very fine. would you like to-”

“just get me to the hospital you weirdo!” chaeyoung nodded and brought dahyun downstairs and to the car. she then went to get daehyung and kihyun, both of them groaning at being woken up after bedtime.

“hey boys, your baby sister is coming.” chaeyoung greeted them.

“she is?!” kihyun woke up and shows his excitement.

“yay.” daehyung commented,  unenthusiastically.

“let’s go!” kihyun yelled and ran down to the car. “mommy will we get to meet her soon?”

“yup. soon she will be with us.” dahyun smiled and rested one hand on her stomach. she left the part about how she nervous she wasn’t going to be able to do this out and just focused on her breathing as another contraction hit her.

xx

“chaeyoung i cant do this.” dahyun sobbed. her face was bright red with the pain of labor. she had been at this for nearly twelve hours now. she was fully dilated but haeun still hadn’t made an appearance yet.

“yes you can.” chaeyoung answered, letting dahyun squeeze her hand super tightly. “you can do this. for haeun. for your daughter. we get to meet her soon dahyun. just a little more and we will be able to hold our baby girl.” chaeyoung couldn’t fight the giant smile on her face if she wanted. “i can’t wait.”

xx

sana has the joy of taking kihyun and daehyung into dahyun’s hospital room after the baby was born. she knew it had been a long time coming for chaeyoung and dahyun and it wasn’t just the long labor. sana was holding their hands and kihyun opened the door to his mom’s hospital room.

“mommy!” daehyung ran to his mom.

“hey buddy, shh.” dahyun she’s her son, holding a pink bundle in her arms. chaeyoung was sitting next to her, observing the tiny baby in dahyun’s arms. “come meet your little sister.” kihyun and daehyung both went over and even daehyung couldn’t fight a smile at the pale tiny girl. she was so tiny, and so adorable. she was already fast asleep in dahyun’s arms, her tiny pouty lips pursed.

“what’s her name?” daehyung asked.

“haeun. son haeun.”

[dilwaledyke-moved]

tell the story!

Okay okay you asked for it!

So firstly this story takes place over my junior and senior years of high school, and has 3 main characters. Me, my longtime friend and probably she was supposed to be my twin (we’ll call her Luci), and Luci’s at the time BFF, we’ll call her Megan (yes after the But I’m a Cheerleader character...).

Some background: I came out as lesbian when I was 12, so Megan has known I’m a hardcore dyke from right when she met me. She even witnessed my awkward as fuck summer of sophomore year relationship. Yowza. Megan was hella funny and smart and driven and teen movie pretty. Skinny and athletic, long blonde hair, blue eyes, big smile, etc. I didn’t really think of her as anything except a laugh riot to goof off with during calculus. I was getting over a girl I’d had a crush on since I was 10 who had walked all over me (and basically hooked up with all our mutual friends just to  mess w me lol. I didn’t have eyes for anyone else. 

So my gaydar is pretty good. In 11th grade, I’d never been wrong about someone I knew. Megan talked about hot boys CONSTANTLY. We went to a pretty leftist school, lots of queers, she wasn’t in any of those circles. My friends were all at least one of the following: lesbian, enby, bi, or poly. Except Luci, who I’ve been friends with since we were seven and who’d gone to the same school as me since grade 5. Before puberty people thought we were legit twins. She’s basically me if I was het and extroverted. We were born the same week. WE ARE TWINS. I digress. 

Megan and Luci were best friends. They wrote comedy sketches together, watched SNL together ever Saturday, were constantly laughing and boy chatting. Sometimes I’d hang with them if my friends were elsewhere. Except for math class. Me and Megan were 2 of 4 flukes in the system that ended up getting a special tiny math class (somehow we all skipped 6th grade math and then standards changed and we ended up in a class for seniors as sophomores, so then we had special math with just us once we were juniors and seniors). 

So the four of us had a study group and also just a whole lot of dumb fun during math. Like we all laughed so much, and it was mostly me and Megan riffing on stupid puns and jokes. All in good fun! Up until then I had never thought I’d be friends with a cheerleader. But Megan was a cheerleader.

Okay. It’s second semester of junior year. We’re sitting in ToK (IB kids anyone??) and Megan goes, “Have you seen the movie But I’m a Cheerleader?”

And I’m like...is she asking because I’m a lesbian??? But I say, “Yeah of course! I love it!”

Megan: “I know right it’s hilarious! Such a good movie! The premise is perfect!”

Me (in my head): heheh a cheerleader who loves a movie about a lesbian cheerleader lmao. (out loud): So perfect! 

And then I forget that that happened. Until a week later. Luci and me are doing homework during study hall and she’s like, “What do you think of Megan?”

My first thought is that those two are exploring their sexuality with each other, and I’m like good for you sis (in my head). I reply, “she’s really fun!”

Luci: do you like her?

Me: yeah she’s cool!

Luci: Hon, she likes you. Would you ever date her?

Me: *DA FUQ* I had never though of that as even an option....

Seriously, it never crossed my mind because she seemed so straight!! I was shocked and on the spot so I was like “yeah probably not??”

And then ended up asking this senior friend of ours to prom who then ditched me at prom to go smoke weed with Luci’s dealer...and she was my ride...LOL Megan had sewed her own prom dress and it was super cute and we danced a bit.

Fast forward to the start of senior year:

I’m over that girl from when I was 10, and have sorted it out and am all chill with the girl from prom. Megan, who I now know is at least kinda not unavailable, is hilarious and we hang out a bit at different times. I developed a crush over the summer. YIKE. I tell Luci. Luci is like yoooo she was really sad last year and worked really hard to get over you.

Me: fuck

December of Senior year: Me and Megan are working on tech for the school play. She’s sewing costumes and I’m trying to stage manage children. And I come over and am like “justsoyouknowithinkyou’rereallycool and i maybereallylikeyouinagayway” and then WALK AWAY.

We shared some pretty awkward car rides later in the year, with a lot of tension. I maintained my crush through my first year of college. She got a boyfriend right away and I think they’re engaged now. So moral of the story. Cheerleaders. If they ask you about lesbian movies. Ask them out.  

[katjacksonbooks]

Ummm, I started this romance last year at some point and then put it away, as I often do. But now that the world feels super bleak (super SUPER bleak? what’s the scale for everything sucks and I hate it all?) I’ve decided to add this story to my list of things I want to finish soon-ish. (I mean, it’s me tho, so what does soon even mean?)

Anyway, if you want to read a preview of Alien Escape (erotic ffm) and meet Drea, a girl with big dreams and a plan to get as far away from her toxic parents as she can, read on!

CW: allusions to domestic violence and emotional abuse

Also, if you’re wondering if I really have face inspiration for an alien couple, the answer is yes. I do! Y’all should watch Star Trek: Discovery!

                                                      Prologue                                    

 “Shut up!”

“You shut up! All you do is come in here and whine like a baby until you get your way.”

“When have I ever gotten my damn way in this fucking house? I work my fingers to the bone—”

“Where? When? Doing what?”

“Oh, fuck you! Someone’s gotta keep food on the table in this damn place—”

That’s about when I tune them out. My parents have the same fight every three to four days, like clockwork. It’s not really about anything, or not about anything specific; they just like to fight and really dislike each other. Mom hates living in Ohio, and she’ll never forgive dad for moving us out here. Dad hates living in Ohio too, but he refuses to admit that this was ever his idea. Money’s tight. There’s nothing to do. Neither of them can keep a job. Somehow, this is all my fault.

Different day, same bullshit, and why I don’t bother listening.

We all learn things from our parents, and mine taught me early and often that we all have lots of times in our lives when we can make decisions to not stay with people we barely know and can’t stand. My parents had more roads to escape than most.

My life as I know it might never have happened if their casual fling — without birth control, because dad didn’t believe in it — hadn’t turned into an unexpected, but obviously expected, pregnancy. That could have been a wakeup call, followed by a visit to a Planned Parenthood and an important life lesson learned, except mom was from a hardcore born-again family and didn’t believe in birth control or abortions. She believed in premarital sex, though, so I’m still trying to make sense of that faith system, but the damage was done. The damage being the mess those two made of my childhood because, even though they could have decided to co-parent or something, they apparently felt compelled to stay together. Why? I’ll never know, and I’m convinced they don’t know, either. My earliest self-realization wasn’t “This fucker took my nose!”, it was “My parents see me as a burden.” Can you imagine? Being barely old enough to sit up without wobbling and knowing, somehow, deep in your bones, that the two people who should love you unconditionally, don’t? It’s not a great life, just in case you need to see it in black and white. To my parents, I was just another mouth to feed, the thing that kept them bound to this person they hated more each day. Their entire relationship and my entire existence were just one bad decision after another, and the soundtrack to my entire life has just been this same argument.

They bickered all over New York in the almost-identical shoebox apartments they could just about afford, during our road trip West and ever since we settled in Akron. They don’t even like each other enough to shake up these knock-down, drag-out fights. Maybe a cheating accusation here, or a “Who ate the last piece of chicken?” there, but other than that, nothing.

The most interesting part of my life was that year just before they finally decided to move to Ohio. Dad had tried to feed me and mom some fairytale about how life would be different here — fewer people, better housing, more trees, less pollution and a stronger family unit. I never believed it, because in each of the yarns he spun, I was still with them — both of them — and there’s no happily ever after with them around; not for me, at least. But mom had been swayed, and next thing I knew, we were in a beat-up Ford truck, the entirety of our belongings packed precariously in the bed and heading West.  Surprise of all surprises, none of dad’s stories had been true.

Well, okay, let me be fair. There are technically fewer people in Akron than the Bronx, and the house we’ve been renting since we arrived is bigger than those small New York apartments, but besides that, my parents’ dysfunctional relationship and my shitty life are business as usual.

There were more trees when we got here, but I’m not giving dad credit for that since most of them were cut down about a year after we arrived to make room for the new pipeline running right through our backyard. That’s why the rent’s so cheap.

My parents fight about that, too.

The move wasn’t a Band-Aid to their relationship, and it certainly didn’t make my life better — not that anyone was worried about me — and as far as my parents are concerned, every problem in their life is my fault. They fight about it regularly and then circle right back around to being united against me, and that’s why as soon as mom banged the pot of spaghetti on the kitchen table, I scarfed down my portion and excused myself immediately.

Their problems aren’t my fault, I know that, but there’s no reasoning with them. It’s best to just disappear. I headed upstairs to my room with a mumbled “homework” and waited. Once I heard them start sniping at one another, I did what I always do and climbed up to the attic and out onto the roof. This is the only place where I feel safe, emotionally, if not physically. If I’m being honest, I really shouldn’t be up here. It’s slippery, and a bunch of the tiles are a good gust of wind away from falling off, but if my choices are inside my parents’ house and up here, the roof wins every time.

Out here, there’s enough space to escape my parents’ incessant fighting. The late spring air is a marked change from the stifling, probably not-quite-safe gas heat in our house. On a clear night, I can stand on the eastern edge of the roof and see all the way downtown, not that there’s much to see there. I mean, I can see the marquis of the Burger King where I work, but I’m not interested in that, so I usually look in the opposite direction. There’s not much to see there either, just a few farmhouses surrounded by large fields and the pipeline.  

But I’m not looking at any of that. I put my earbuds in my ears, turn my music up as loud as it goes and lay back on the roof to stare at the clear, dark blue sky. Sometimes, I haul my sketch book up here to draw, or pull my old astronomy textbook out and try to identify the constellations, but whatever I do, I say a prayer that my singular wish will come true. All I want is to get as far away from my parents as fast as I can.

My classmates are preparing for college, and lots of them want to enlist, but my only real goal post-graduation is to get away. I’ve worked out any number of escape routes up here. Instinctually, I know that I can’t just move to Columbus or Detroit. Those cities aren’t far enough away, and I’ve long been worried that my parents’ obvious co-dependency means that I need to put some serious miles between us if I want to have a chance at real freedom.

I toyed with the idea of leaving the country, but Burger King money doesn’t stretch nearly that far. Right now, I’m making just enough to give my parents one of my checks a month to help with household bills — and keep them off my back — and split the second between my cellphone bill and savings account. After three years, I have enough money saved to absolutely get the fuck out of Akron in exactly six months on my eighteenth birthday, and I plan to do exactly that, but I’m still working out the kinks in my escape route.

I’ve done the math, and I can either buy a decent used car or a plane ticket to California. Every time my dad comes home and tells mom that his paycheck was docked for calling in or mom hides yet another online delivery from dad, I’m tempted to go for the plane ticket, but I usually talk myself down from that impulse because I’m sensible, unlike my parents. Even though the thousands of miles away from here is attractive as fuck, I know that once I get off that plane, I’ll be broke as hell.

On the other hand, the rusty Honda Civic I have my eye on at the used car dealership downtown is sensible. It has less than 100,000 miles, good mileage, and if push came to shove, it could double as a temporary home. It wouldn’t be a six-hour plane ride to California, but I’ve got enough money that I could put some real distance between my parents and myself and have enough to really start the rest of my life.

But when I’m up on the roof, I also have another secret fantasy. It’s not real, but when my parents are really loud, and I worry that the yelling and crashing might turn to the sound of fists hitting skin and bone, I dream of space. Forget California or Tokyo, I wish I could go to the moon or beyond. There’s a tiny, terrified girl inside me that knows in her bones that the only way to really escape my parents is up above me. Sometimes, I lay back on the roof and imagine what it would be like to know that I was far enough away that I’d never have to hear my parents wake me up arguing again. It’ll never happen, but some nights, daydreams of flying up into the sky are the only things that make me feel safe enough to fall asleep. But just like with San Francisco, I bury that deep inside myself and calculate how many shifts I need to work to have the full price of the used Honda. The sky is my fantasy, just like Ohio had been my parents’, but that Honda Civic is the real path to freedom.

The sound of glass breaking hits my ears in the quiet between two songs, and I jump at the shock of it. I tap my cellphone screen to pause my music. I pull the earbud from my left ear and listen, trying to figure out which part of the argument they’re at now.

“Do you feel better?” dad yells at mom.

I roll my eyes, shove my earphone back into my ear and press play on the music again.

Mom likes to break dishes when she’s really frustrated but trying to hold it together; it’s why the few dishes we have don’t match. I suspect she’s gonna drag me to the Goodwill tomorrow to look for a replacement for whatever she’s broken, and I can’t have that. I pick up my phone and tap out a quick text message to my boss, Peter. In a plea that he’s very familiar with, I tell him that I’m available to cover any shifts tomorrow. Peter’s a good guy, and I know that he’ll do what he can to get me a shift, even if it’s just a few hours or closing. I’ll take it, and he knows I will. I’ll also immediately put whatever extra money I get directly into my savings account and readjust my timetable to purchasing the Honda and getting the fuck out of here.

The music builds to a crescendo and mercifully drowns out my parents’ screaming as I look back up at the sky.

On nights like tonight, the moon is so clear and big that I swear it’s close enough to touch. I stretch out my right arm above me, squint one eye closed, tilt my head to the left and pretend to capture the moon between my thumb and forefinger. I smile for the first time in what feels like hours, maybe even days.

And then I see it.

While I’m looking, a small speck in the sky moves across my vision, only visible because it passes the light of the full moon. At first, I think it’s a distant star, or maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me. I blink, and something in the sky moves again. Whatever’s up there, it’s too far away to see clearly, so I sit up, trying to make sense of it all. It’s moving too slow to be a shooting star and too fast to be…well, literally anything else. I pull my earphones from my ears, as if it will sharpen my vision. I stare up at the speck that’s now bigger, closer; close enough for me to realize that the one speck is actually a cluster of distant lights. I’m not looking at a star or a planet but a constellation that’s moving in formation towards me. Toward the Earth.

But that’s not possible. I know that. I aced astronomy.

“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself.

As if in answer to my whispered question, those bright not-stars seem to move faster and get bigger in the large pane of sky above my house as they get closer. The lights seem to fill the sky of this boring ass town with a pipeline running through it dangerously close to the local drinking water; this town my parents hate that I can’t wait to escape.

I shake my head and turn to the right. My eyes land on the pipeline cutting through the fields behind our house. I can barely remember a time when it wasn’t the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning. I’ve read dozens of articles about what it is and how much time it’s probably shaving off of my life. I guess the environmentalists were right and assume that thing must finally be leaking. It has to be. Because how else do I explain what I think I’m seeing in the sky?

And when I tilt my head back to look up there, I gasp and jump to my feet.

In the handful of seconds when I’d been looking away, those not-stars seem to have come closer. Like real close. Now they’re so close that no one can mistake them for stars because no stars have ever been so damn clear in the sky or moved so fast. I watch as they get closer and closer, and then I shriek in shock as the constellation breaks apart.

If I’m hallucinating this, whatever the pipeline is leaking is grade-A lethal shit.

The lights disperse so fast that I actually miss it. One second, there’s a cluster of lights heading toward me, too many for me to count clearly. The next second, I blink. Then the next second, there are only five lights still above me, but I can see turquoise blue light streaks in the sky heading in thousands of different directions. And then in another second, those five lights begin to slowly move apart, still descending, closer to the Earth’s surface. They’re landing, I realize, and my mouth falls open.

“Fuck,” I breathe as my mouth curves into a smile so wide it hurts.

Now that there are fewer lights and they’re even closer than before, I can just about recognize what’s hovering in the sky above me. They’re ships, and not space shuttles like the ones I’ve seen in my social studies textbooks about the moon landing. These not-stars are huge, bigger than the biggest plane I’ve ever seen in the sky, maybe even bigger than the entire town, and they’re not US-made shuttles or like anything I’ve seen of Russian or Chinese ships. These big, hovering ships look like they’re covered in shimmering jewels, glittering as if reflecting their own sunlight. “Fuck,” I breathe again.  

“Drea, are you up there? Girl, get off the fucking roof, we can’t afford no emergency room visit. Do you hear me?”

I hear my dad yelling at me. I do. I just don’t give a shit, because there’s an alien spaceship in the sky almost directly above our house — an actual fucking spaceship — and this is infinitely more interesting than him reaming me out for being on the roof again. Besides, I hear the moment when he sees what I’m seeing and stops caring that I might stumble and fall off the roof. I hear the choked gasp that comes from his lips just before my mom bangs out of the front door, still yelling. I hear her words cut off when she sees the ship too, the final confirmation I need that I’m not having a pipeline hallucination, but still, I don’t care.  

Because I’m speechless. I know, deep down in my gut, that this ship is going to change everything about the world I’ve ever known, and I can’t help but feel elated. My body feels light, as if I weigh nothing more than my fantasies. I swear I could float up to one of those ships, and that’s exactly what I want to do. I want to bang on the door of a ship and beg them to let me in, because I can feel the surety along every inch of my skin that this ship is going to be my way out. This ship is going to get me as far away from Akron and my parents and that damn pipeline as possible.

My mother’s scream is a delayed response to seeing the impossible, and it rips into the quiet night. She keeps screaming and screaming, but dad and I are too mesmerized to stop her. Eventually, I hear our neighbors begin to file out of their houses, probably when they realize that mom’s screams are different from their regular weekday fights. I hear them gasp and cry out. Babies are crying, and other people’s screaming joins mom’s. There’s even the sound of the hurricane warning blaring out eventually, but none of those noises seem to touch me; not anymore. It’s like they’re far away because I’m already gone.

[agentwriter]

Just a little fic I sketched here

So, there was the South Park fanfiction of Mysterion x Professor Chaos that inspired me a lot so today, I decided to give it a try and write the chapter 1 here, well, lez go!

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                           The True Chaos Finally Rises                  Written by DudaPlaysUndertaleBoiis <3

                                           Chapter One:

                             The Chaos was Inevitable

Butters stared blankly at the ceiling, it was late in the dawn with a fine breeze coming through the window of his room. He glanced at the clock that was right above the nightstand: 02:34 AM. He sat in his bed and spaced out in his own thoughts.

How this all happened? It was too late to go back now, and he knew it very well. He wasn't doing this for evil, but he wasn't doing a good thing either. He trained himself to not care about it, but today was different, it was the start of something he had been planing for so long... It was scary to think about it, everyone in the town will be in great shock and disbelief, everyone will hate him, but it's not like he isn't used to this at all. To be honest? It wasn't exactly his fault was it? It all started when he was just a little child, the most naive and kind of any means. Butters life never was the greatest, his parents became even more restrict about his behaviour as he grown up, grounding him all the time and giving him punishments he didn't deserve at all.

But it all REALLY started when Butters started to hang around Stan's Gang, he was very happy with his knew friends cycle and everything was going pretty. But the kids never exactly LIKED Butters, of course, he was cool and everything but they wanted someone BETTER than Butters (without saying that they thought they were owners of the school and they could do whatever they wanted because they were just fourth graders at the time). The gang said they didn't want to be friends with Butters anymore, and Butters felt devastaded. Kind of, because with that great disappointment in his life, he got an idea, another ''version'' of him, much more cruel and evil than anybody in this town, his alter-ego, super villain...!

Professor Chaos.

He would be his alter-ego, a person rejected by the society, with the only one, and unique objective:

To bring the Chaos, this world.

It was kinda fun at the start, he would do just little and or significant little ''crimes'', change the orders someone asked at an restaurant, rob some bread here and there... There was even this kid that was his partner in crime for a while, but he  needed to move away from South Park for some reason. But this was when everything got wrong, Butters used his alter-ego as a coping mechanism, but with time, he grown up, Butters wasn't naive anymore, his parents were just having more and more fights, and he was pretty much always neglected, getting grounded at shouted at for no reason at all, receiving punishments and ending without his phone all the time. School never helped too, there was always someone trying to take him down, use his kind nature against himself... Bullying happened, even if it was gossips about untrue things or just some silly ''jokes'' that internally could hit him like a bullet. And this always pissed him off.

He was always kind and gentle with mostly EVERYBODY, but to compensate it, his mind was almost all the time full with negative thoughts, rage, saddness, regrets and anything like that. When he grew into Maturity, he was obligated to tolerate and understand all the shit that happened in his life, he woud try to stay positive, but he always bottled up his emotions. He had no one he trusted to talk about his real thoughts... and there is when Professor Chaos enters in scene.

Professor Chaos, the alter-ego he and ONLY he knew about, someone who's pure purpose is to cause chaos and destruction everywhere, a cold, dark and analitical personality that doesn't care about his own image and how people will judge him for his actions, someone that cheats off the system to win, someone who doesn't give a shit at all. This was Professor Chaos.

It was perfect.

He could let all his anger and rage out, and without his usual kind and naive personality, it was easier to do bad things and don't regret a bit of it. So this was when the True chaos arise, a person that wants revenge, revenge for all the people like him, rejected, neglected, forever forget by society, who wants that everyone who achieved something that it truly didn't deserve, who will finally let the entire world know that...

‘’The Better Future, is an illusion and ''The-So-Called-Justice'' is a lie. In the end, only The Pure Chaos, will prevail.‘‘

Butters, glanced back at the clock, 2:41 AM huh? He had been spacing out for a while, but this wasn't what truly mattered. It was finally time.

He got up and took his backpack, checked if the door was well locked and he jumped through the window, doing a little bit of parkour you would say, he jumped to the tree and finally reached the ground. His shoes touched the grass and the wind howled, filling him with Determination, he ran through the empty streets, being silent and as fast as he always were, he finally reached a dark and isolated alley, that was perfect for him to dress up. He put his green backpack at the ground and dressed up as his villainous alter-ego, the darkest and most melancholic part of his hidden personality:

Professor Chaos.

Chaos rapidly has a big wide smile at his face, it was always so freeing to be in that silly costume, no limitations, he could do whatever he wanted. He escalated the alley till he got to the roof, he started jumping through the ceiling of each homes of South Park as he always did, he generally would be a little bit more descreet while jumping in everybody's roof, but as he predicted, there was nobody there, well- except one person... But he was ready for this encounter.

It was actually funny to know how Professor Chaos evoluted and grown up by Butters side, before they were exactly the same person, but with time getting by, Butter made sure anyone would EVER find out but his second personality, he became the best at hiding his frustration and anger for those he most hated, he turned him and Professor Chaos into completely different people, not the same thought, dreams, view of life. To be honest- it is actually insanely scary how someone like Butters could be ever able to hide all the hate inside his hearth, only with gentle words, positive attitude and a kind smile. Of Course Butters sometimes felt guilty for lying to everyone, but he grew out of it. Because even considering himself a forgiving person, hiding his true thoughts and feeling damaged his personality entirely. He would act nice with you, but deep inside, Professor Chaos was always there to judge you for every.single.mistake he could remember of.

Butters fell hard on the roof of that concrete bar at the edge of the small town, he looked far away, far across the grand grass field, was the alcohol factory of the town, where all the fucking alcohol in the town was fabricated, where all that drunk assholes got their precious drinks, Chaos felt a little empty feeling in his stomach, for the little memory of his drunk dad shouting at him, but he quickly got back in track with his own objective right there, he started growing more and more excited as the seconds passed, he patiently waited for his arrival.

A few minutes passed and he felt the sudden harsh stomp at this concrete roof only a few meters away from him right from behind. His smile grew wider as he let go a little giggle of his own mouth.

The little vigilant has arrived~~

Mysterion, his arch-nemesis that was there to protect the town, was always trying to get in his way and ruin his plans, apparently the little guy thinks he is actually doing something good, and that he is REALLY turning the town into a better place. How silly of him... They had been enemies for so long now, before Chaos thought he was just another silly goy that believed that he was actually doing justice, and that the world wasn't THAT unfair, but with time Professor Chaos grew to understand that he is not only this, but too, an actual pussy that would always try to ruin his plans. It's probably impossible to count how many times Mysterion has stopped Chaos plans, but to compensate, the number of times that Professor Chaos brought true chaos to the town and Mysterion hadn't even a single IDEA that Chaos was the one causing all the commotion, is countless, too.

Professor Chaos turned around and the usual costume with the interrogation point at the top was not even surprising, but expected. He greeted Mysterion with a evil smile that only him knew how to do. The moonlight shined against Chaos's costume as Mysterions expression filled with hate. There was a tremendous and uncomfortable silence for a moment, only the wind could be heard at that moment, so Chaos decided  to finally break the silence, and greet his good ol' pal:

- Mysterion! How nice to see you again, I'm glad you found note and considered coming ya know, you took quite a while... It was hard to find this place?

Mysterion stared at the image of Chaos impersonated, he was actually checking before if it wasn't a trap or anything, and if it was safe to come. He let out a huff, this situation was very strange, no wonder why he hated this guy. He forces his Mysterion alter-ego voice (That totally doesn't look like Batman's):

- I'm here. What the fuck do you want??! Did you put this bar on fire or something?

Batm- I mean, Mysterion said in a very serious tone, as Professor Chaos just smirked, as if it was all just a silly funny joke:

- Geeez, relax! No. I didn't put this building on fire... I just wanted to talk with my good old pal Mysterion! 

Professor Chaos laughed as Mysterion grew more angry watching his worst enemy laugh at him, something was wrong, Professor Chaos was plotting something. And it was for Mysterion to stop him. Mysterion closed his fist and stood up in combat pose, Professor Chaos widened his eyes and stared at the tiny green digital clock on his costume: 02:57 AM. His face kinda got off in disappointment and Mysterion had no idea why at all, but Chaos rapidly straightened his face and said with some notable sarcasm in his tone:

- Awn c'mon Mysterion! Let's just have some nice chatting for the next... 3 minutes?

Mysterion lauched towards Professor Chaos, Chaos just smiled even more. As he said under his breath:

- Pre - dic - ta - ble .

The fight started, Mysterion was the first one to leave a punch Professor Chaos shoulder, next thing he knows is Professor Chaos leaving a big kick at his legs that made both almost lose balance, but Mysterion got his chance and left a big punch right into Professor Chaos cheeks. Chaos put his hands at the wounded place and let out a groan of pain, he opened his eyes, waves of rage going through his veins. A nasty bruise like that would be impossible to hide from everyone at school! He closed his fists and with all his forces, he punched right into Mysterions stomach, that was not only surprised with the sudden blow, but needed to backup for a second, because the punch was way too strong and painful, that it actually was able to get out all of his air. Wounded, but not defeated Mysterion was ready to fight back. All of the sudden, the little clock at Chaos pulse started beeping, Mysterion got surprised but Professor Chaos immediately turned around, this caught Mysterion of surprise:

BOOM-

Was it a earthquake? Mysterion had no idea. He immediately lost all the balance he had and fell into the hard concrete of that ordinary bar as he felt the entire world was shaking, he could hear explosions, little booms here and there from particularly not THAT far away, Batm- I mean, Mysterion widened his eyes, catch his breath and lifted his head. What he saw was incredibly unbelievable. Mysterions eyes filled with horror as he saw Professor Chaos staring at the big explosions that were happening far away at the alcohol factory, it was all exploding, in flames. He looked around to see people were leaving their houses and switching on their lights to see what was going on. He  suddenly felt a hard, harsh and cold feeling in his chest, even more painful than the injury Chaos had inflicted to him. So many question.. He could have prevented it? Someone was in the area of the explosion? Some house nearby could get damaged by the explosion? Someone was injured?! He didn't know. The only thing he knew was that the guy  who caused it was right in front of him, smiling. Mysterion started hyperventilating, a panic attack.

Professor Chaos looked at the read and blue lights coming, at the citizens screaming and pointing at his masterpiece at the middle of the dawn and how most of South Park was now awake:

- Phase one complete.

Mysterion was in shock, what that meant? Chaos said it in almost a whisper so Mysterion wasn't supposed to have heard it. What he meant with ''Phase one complete''???! Chaos turned around back to find an super scared, horrified and disgusted Mysterion that still hadn't got the balls to get up again. But surprisingly, his face was... melancholic. His expression was completely empty and so... Blank? An expression that Mysterion never thought that he was actually going to see in Chaos face. Professor Chaos, seeing that weird stare he received from his enemy, rapidly changed his posture to some sort of fake smile, and immediately changed his tone to his usual malefic tone of voice:

- What is it Mysterion? Didn't like the little surprise of mine?

Mysterion felt the pain of this defeat like a dagger at his chest, this guy was a heartless monster... How many people loosing their jobs... People around may be injured... The entire town compromised! His jaw dropped, and the only thing he could say, was:

- Y- you're so... so FUCKING insane...

Mysterion said, trying his best to not let his voice crack even a bit. Professor Chaos widened his eyes, he wondered that Mysterions face at this moment would be priceless, like, total shock and disbelief or he would be just pissed off but Mysterion actually WAS scared!!! Hyperventilating and all, this was so... unexpected? But right now he didn't care, so after this response, seeing what a great victory today was and how he managed to make even Mysterion in state of fear, he said in a very sadistic way:

- You bet I am! But now.. reeeeally... I think we're parting ways. The police is coming and I don't think it would be a great idea neither of us to just stay here. But hey! Don't worry! We can always hangout another time ya know! It was such a great meeting today that I'm sure I would happily agree to have another one! Now I'm going, I think you should probably go to, even if everyone in the town thinks your a little... Hero... The police still considers vigilantism an actual crime, right? Well anyways, Cya~~!

Professor Chaos jumped off the roof and got lost at the lots of people at the streets, filming what was happening. Batma- I mean, Mysterion tried to look for him, but at the same way Chaos has jumped... Now he was completely gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yup, that was the chapter of this fic I just imagined at my mind, tell me what you think of it and if I should continue it, mkay?!!

[danetobelieve]

Threat Level: Pizza || Ricky and Winston

Honestly, Winston was tired. In the last week, between them, Ricky and Dee they had spotted and dealt with four alghouls and what Ricky referred to as a spawn. Then last night a pack of three spawn had attacked the house and Winston and Ricky had been forced to deal with them. Winston was pretty proud of the fact that they had managed to immolate one. That had been a feeling like no other. Yet as they stood with a broom in hand, brushing vampire dust off of their porch, Winston couldn’t help but feel like it was time to make a change. Two attacks on their home in as many months wasn’t their idea of fun. Turning to Ricky, who was fixing a window before moving onto the porch railing that had been shattered during the commotion, Winston sighed. “I think that it is time that you and me start thinking about installing some security, and I’m not just talking about the mundane type of security. I think that we need to consider the fact that it might be time to have something other then a kitchen knife available when the next grizzly beasty comes after us.” 

Pausing from his repair work to pick alghoul out of his fangs Ricky nodded emphatically. “I mean. Setting aside the fact that the last time the last time that you and I were involved in some magic together we ended up in a strange prison demiplane inspired by my woodwork and fueled by your magic…. I agree. This is becoming fucking exhausting.” The unending night had made some things that were only comfortable at night far more brazen than they normally were, and a whole subset of those things viewed Ricky as a particularly choice piece of steak, and the house constantly being under siege was wearing on him super fast, “So… I am open to suggestions. As far as super fun magic home defense systems go. All I want you to keep in mind… is that I am very very open to the idea of flame turrets. Very very very open to that idea.” He leaned against the frame of the window and looked out at Winston on the porch, “But, practically, how does it work?” 

“Yeah, I’m not necessarily talking the same sort of magic. I don’t want to get stuck in a pocket dimension that is also a puzzle box.” Winston wasn’t sure what they were thinking, but if they could centralise a number of security features to a central console, then Winston wondered whether including spells into their code as data flags would cause any change in the potential effects. “I don’t want to mess around with magic just yet, for now though we should think about making some supernaturally minded upgrades.” They paused as they considered a few options. “Well first of all we could look into installing motion sensors in the grounds around our house and Dee’s these could activate UV bulbs as security lights, that should at least give any vampires a little bit of trouble.” They considered other options. “Maybe something with salt and iron for ghosts …” they were still so new to this, they weren’t entirely sure what else they could include. “If it isn’t too expensive we should consider getting CCTV, maybe I can work out some enchantment that allows us to see things approaching. Infrared or heat sensitive cameras or something…” they paused and pulled their glasses off, rubbing the end of an arm against their scalp thoughtfully. “Any eureka moments?” 

“Oh come on didn’t you enjoy our little demiplanar excursion into the realm of ‘oh god I hope we’re not dead?’” Ricky paused his repair work and joined Winston out on the porch, sitting down with his back against the warm wood of the porch, “Well… You’re already talking outside my scope of knowledge, but I think you’re right, we don’t really need to be focusing on the human threats, it’s the supernatural ones we need to be worried about.” He pulled out his phone and started to type out notes as Winston was talking. He was more of a old-school kind of guy; the security enhancements that his roommate was talking about were way out of his scope of knowledge, “Are ghosts really a problem though? I think it’s the physical things we have to worry about more. As for CCTV that shit isn’t too expensive anymore with like Ring and Blink and all that shit you can just control it from your phone. And I do mean you I’m sure I’d break it if I tried to control it.” He kept typing as Winston talked before looking up with a raised eyebrow, “if you’re expecting me to have a eureka moment about technology you are in for a dismal disappointment. You’re gonna have to take point on this and I’ll help out however I can. But if you think you can work enchantments into it I’m absolutely down.” 

“No, for some reason I did not enjoy having to endure a minor existential crisis as to whether or not I have died, although I will admit that it is nice to know for certain that I am indeed relatively alive and well.” Winston shrugged before continuing. “No, I think that Dee and her shotgun are more then enough to deal with the potential human criminals, but if we draw the attention of something like Hunters or Vampires or I don’t know, something along those lines then I think that I would want to have something else. I also think we should think about setting up a communication tree with others.” Winston nodded. “I know that it sounds ridiculous, but the one exorcism I saw, back in the library at UMWC was terrifying and I don’t really want to experience it again if I can help it. But I need to really work out how well these cameras will work against fast moving and potentially magic critters.” Chewing on their lip, Winston shrugged. “Maybe you can help me by telling me how feasible it’ll be to set up stuff and we can begin working on sourcing all the things I’ll need to set this up. I can do the techy stuff and you can help me with the actual skilled labour.” 

“Well I had a delightful time so your negative experience is on you. I enjoyed our one on one time inside a magical prison. I think we could market the whole experience to white people with too much money and too much time on their hands. Throw in some bullshit about it being meditative and shit. We could be super rich.” Ricky couldn’t help but laugh at Winston’s mention of their land lady, “Yeah I know one day I’m gonna have to have the “hey you probably shouldn’t have a loaded shotgun in the house anymore” talk with her but we’re a ways off from that and she’s a crack shot with it.” he kept typing away, looking up periodically at Winston as they talked, “Well we’ll add ghosts to the list of things to keep out. I mean I don’t think I can tell you how feasible it all is until we get an actual plan in place but it shouldn’t be too bad. Don’t think it’ll require any actual like renovations to the house, unless you’ve got a plan for a garlic filled moat you havne’t told me about yet.” He dashed inside to grab a pad of paper and came out again, starting to scribble down some ideas, “Wanna order delivery and hash this out?”

“You’re also completely barking mad if you thought that our time in a magical prison was anything like fun,” Winston laughed and shook their head at Ricky, “I think that you could market that shit to normal White Crest people and they would still eat it up. But I don’t think I want to get super rich based on whether or not people are going to make it out of a trick prison.” They paused for a moment and slipped down onto a bench on the porch overlooking their property. “Well make sure that I am nowhere near you or her when you have that conversation.” They raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Yes, that sounds like a great idea, and I can use your sketching skills to try and visualise where we are going to put this shit and how it is going to work. We’re going to need shit loads of rock salt, iron fillings, holy water, maybe even silver. Stakes wouldn’t be a bad idea either. I also need pizza and probably some beer too.”

“What can I say, I like puzzles and I’m good at compartmentalizing my feelings. So. I made it fun.” He pulled out his phone and started thumbing through apps, “is that not exactly what an escape room is? Ours would just be a magical escape room where you’re not sure if you’re dead or not! It’s an extra perk; existential crisis added on for free.” Ricky brought up Grubhub with one hand while the other kept scribbling the supplies Winston was listing off, “Meat lovers no cheese extra anchovies for me, what do you want? I’ve got beer in the fridge, I made a supply run when the darkness hit because I didn’t want to leave the house if possible. I’m a vamp magnet.” He started a very basic sketch of an aerial view of the house and the property that surrounded it, “Are we going to have auto turrets for the stakes? I think that’d be noticeable. We should try to be as discreet as possible. Don’t want to draw attention, just protect ourselves.” 

“That sounds like something that a crazy person might say, I think you’re just an adrenaline junkie who likes to put their life in danger because it gets their heart racing.” Winston raised an eyebrow and shrugged gently. “I don’t know if anyone is going to play for a healthy dose of Nihilism Ricky, and also in escape rooms you can usually guarantee the safety of your customers and I’m not convinced that I could.” Winston swallowed gently and decided that they wouldn’t try and recreate the mistake they previously had. No they had other plans, a type of magic that they had yet to find any information on. It made them wonder what could be achieved if they tried some new stuff. But now wasn’t exactly the time for them to do that. Now they had other things to focus on. “Can I get a meatlovers with extra cheese and extra mushrooms?” Winston replied. “I can leave the house if needs be, plus I’m sure that people can drop stuff off to us if you don’t want to risk it.” They were honestly a bit shocked at Ricky’s suggestion of auto turrets. “Dude, this isn’t Doom Eternal, we’re not installing auto turrets mainly because I don’t know how to build auto turrets. NoI think it would be better if we can go with high powered UV lamps and a few well placed stakes around the house. At least until I get better at this stuff, I’m a computer programmer not an engineer.” 

“At absolutely no point in our cohabitation have I ever fucking told you I was a sane person. No false advertising here. That’s just because you haven’t figured out the right marketing spin for it yet. You can market Nihilism to anyone you just gotta put a pretty enough bow on it. But, we’re getting away from the main topic here.” Ricky tapped the orders into his phone, adding on a couple of 2-liters just so they’d have something in the fridge where they didn’t have to leave the house for supplies. “I’d rather you not take any unnecessary journeys since, you know, once again it’s fucking nightmareville up in this place. But if worse comes to worse we’ll make a group run for it.” He laughed at the reference, shaking a fist in the air, “Rip and tear, until it is done!!! You know it may be eternal night right now but it really makes for some amazing ambiance when I’m playing that game.” Ricky nodded and started a shopping list on the side of the paper titled “Death-based Doodads”, “Stakes and UV lamps it is. Though too many UV lamps and people are going to think we’ve got a grow operation here.” 

“My apologies for not considering your sanity as something that could be in question, most people usually don’t expect other people’s sanity to be in question. As for marketing existential crisises and nihilism then that is something that I will leave for you.” Winston replied with a small grin decorating their face. Winston was glad that they weren’t going to have to cook for themselves. They were feeling incredibly lazy after fighting for their night in the middle of the day, even though it was dark. “Don’t worry, I don’t really want to risk facing alghouls and vampires if I can help it, especially not when I know better. I’m not going out as much as I possibly can, I’m just trying to stay home and when I do go out I am making sure that I’m not alone.” Winston shrugged and smirked. “You know, it is not Overwatch, but it is still a lot of fun to kick the shit out of demons, even if I can’t do it in real life.” Winston frowned and nodded. “You’re right, we’ll have to be sensible about where we plant our weed crop, don’t want people to catch us doing anything illegal.” They were being sarcastic, somehow they thought that they would manage to get away with it. They worked for the Police Department after all.

“I really feel like you should have seen that coming though. Marketing existential crises and nihilism are definitely something we could get away with with Gen Z I’m sure of it. Just make the marketing laden with memes and we’ll be all set.” Ricky slid his phone back into his pocket after receiving the text notification that their order had been confirmed, “See. That’s some solid planning right there. In the end it’s gonna be the goddamn buddy system that saves us all.” Rolling his eyes he pushed himself to his feet and wandered back into the house, spreading the papers out on the dining room table so they’d have more room to work, “Yeah yeah yeah you and overwatch. That’s way too much for me to try to wrap my head around. I’ll stick to chopping demons apart with a chainsaw and a variety of super fun weapons. That’s more my speed. Mindless platforming, puzzles, and mayhem.” He laughed as he drew a stool over to sit on, looking down at their plans, “We’ll add a grow operation after we figure out how to protect our home from the supernatural. Even if regular weed doesn’t really affect me much. It’d be a good money maker anyway. But for now we’ll use the UV lamps to attempt to vaporize some vampires.” 

“If we marketed using memes we could, but then that would cut out an entire demographic of baby boomers and the older millennials that wouldn’t get it, so you know, you win some you lose some.” Winston shrugged gently and settled in their seat, looking around them trying to decide what else they could include. “Is stuff like wolfsbane a thing?” Winston asked trying to think of the most generic supernatural stereotypes that they could implement here. “Obviously it is going to take a bit of time before I can really get any of this stuff working, but better to start now rather then later.” Winston was terrified of what some of the things that were out there could do to them and their friends. “Everyone has different preferences and enjoyments, it’s not my fault that your tastes are so far separated from mine which are obviously far superior.” Laughing, Winston shook their head and smiled. “Bro, you remember that I work for the police department. They’re not huge fans of illegal grows that aren’t regulate by the tax man.” 

“Listen. Boomers had their time to shine. They don’t deserve targeted marketing anymore. They can take or leave whatever we give them.” Chewing on his pen for a moment, Ricky pondered for a moment, “I honestly don’t know. You’d have to ask Morgan. Seems like she’d know more about that sorta herbology shit than me. I know there is a whole subset of supernatural related herbs. But I’m right there with you; this will definitely take some time so we might as well get going. Because knowing this town… this darkness could last for quite a goddamn while.” The doorbell rang and Ricky went to retrieve their pizzas, heavily tipping the put-upon looking driver to make up for the extra anchovy stench undoubtedly filling his car, “Grub’s here. And my taste in video games is impeccable. I’m sorry I’m not into games with a gay cowboy, weird angst cyborg asian stereotypes, and people screaming in the headset about their skill rating. Gimme that sweet sweet ‘don’t talk to other people’ gaming.” He set the pizza down on the counter and got them out a couple plates, “Oh I didn’t forget. But I like to think I’m above certain aspects of the law given the great ease with which I can implement plan ‘just hide in the fucking ocean forever’. Which is a solid ass plan.” 

“It doesn’t matter what they do or don’t deserve, proportionally speaking they hold far more wealth then Gen Z or even a good proportion of the millennial population, targeted marketing takes that wealth away from them.” Winston scratched at the thin film of stubble that had sprung up over their jaw. “I’ll put some feelers out and try and find out what else we could to do to really sure up the defenses here, if I was better at magic then I could enchant some more shit but after the last time that went I’m a little bit weary of trying anything big without more practice.” Winston sincerely hoped that whatever it was that was causing this darkness would get resolved soon, but they weren’t about to charge into the darkness and try and change any of it. Not yet anyway. They weren’t that desperate yet. “I love the inherently racist stereotypes that Blizzard brings to me, and if you keep talking McShit about McCree then I’ll cut you.” They grinned and grabbed their pizza from Ricky, slipping down onto the sofa and laughing as Ricky continued their tirade against multiplayer gaming. The irony was that of course in real life they were the exact opposite. Winston was the introvert and Ricky the extrovert that adopted them. “Unfortunately I cannot hide in the ocean forever because I am not an aquatic animal, but you go off.” 

“This took a weirdly capitalist-centric turn; but, I’ll keep all this in mind when I’m planning out how to launch our magical escape room empire. Which is going to have a terrible pun of a name but I haven’t decided what it’s going to be yet.” Nodding along with Winston’s train of thought Ricky opened his pizza box and put a couple of slices on a plate, “I’ll do the same. So we’ll see who knows what and we’ll protect this bitch.” A thought crossed his mind as he chewed on his first piece of pizza, “They’ll have to be disableable though. Things to keep werewolves and vampires and ghosts out. I’m… well Remmy and I… are trying to put together an interspecies clan. To at least offer some sort of unified protection against the hunters. It’s harder to pick us all off if the various species have each others’ backs.” It was hard to laugh and not spit a mouthful of various meats and fish all over his couch, but he managed, “They are really bad about racial stereotypes but you’re more than welcome to McTry. It’ll be super messy though, I’ve got extra blood.” He made quick work of the first piece of pizza and set to work on the second one as he kept sketching things out. “We should have some sort of motion detector at the end of the drive, connected to some kind of camera.” 

“I never knew that I would be starting an escape room empire, but I guess if I was going to do it with anyone then I would want to do it with you.” Winston smiled gently as they placed a piece of pizza in their mouth and chewed on their pizza straight from the box. Winston nodded. “Of course, they’ll be disable-able and hopefully eventually I’ll be able to write something that is sophisticated enough that it will be able to distinguish between who needs the measures in place. But no offense, we’ve not seen any progress there for a while and I know that you want to help these people but we can’t do anything until we’ve made sure that we’re safe. Once we’re looked after then we can look after others, but not before that.” Winston was a realist and they knew that this wasn’t going to be resolved straight away, this was something that they would need to really work on. “Gross, who needs extra blood. Seal it away in my opinion.” They winked and wiped grease from their hands with a piece of tissue from the takeaway before nodding. “Motion detectors at the gates, not to mention in the grounds hooked up to security lights so if anything moves everything gets lit up.” 

“Tides… I would have never considered starting an escape room empire but you and I have some of the weirdest things happen to us, so, I think that that’s pretty on brand for us.” It was a truth; Ricky was realizing. He and Winston definitely had a relationship that seemed to be a magnetic force for strange situations, and he loved it. Life was infinitely better now that they lived together; it was definitely one of the better decisions Ricky had made at a party. “Ooooh I have some bad news for you. We’re never ever going to be totally safe. Welcome to the supernatural life. But, I take your point. We can’t form the Justice League until we lockdown the Fortress of Solitude. Did I mix references there? I don’t really care just roll with it.” Another slice of pizza disappeared into his mouth and he rolled his eyes at the pun, “Alright well for how terrible that was I’m just going to go offer myself to the vampire hordes now. Thanks. Your terrible pun has damned me.” Scribbling at the margins of his page he attempted to not get pizza grease on the plans, “I like that. Plus it makes us look real important.” 

Laughing, mouthful of pizza, Winston looked into the moon for a moment before shrugging. “I think it is pretty on brand, we always end up doing the weirdest shit.” They settled into the silence for a moment and shrugged. “Watch tower not fortress of solitude, though I guess both are DC so it doesn’t count as much? I don’t know. Anyway, you know Orion Quinn right?” Winston was considering their next words carefully, “I think that I’m going to offer him one of the rooms if that’s cool, it seems like he could use a place to go because he is currently staying in that Scribe building way too much for the amount of living that someone our age needs to do, obviously we don’t know him but I think he’s a good kid. Just be careful about your skin, I know you are careful, but Orion found Skye’s seal skin after that time we all watched anime together and I want to believe the best in him, but I’m not completely sure we can trust him, I guess we’ll just see, but he needs somewhere to go and I’m offering him this place.” That was one of the reasons that they wanted to sure up the security, to make sure that everything was safe. “I’ve got some more stuff I want to work on, but now we’ve got the basic designs down I can start shopping for the parts and we can look at introducing all of this stuff onto a central system.” 

“We have a weird fucking life. But. When you’ve got a seal and a mage living together what the hell do you expect. I love it. This is me living my best life.” He listened carefully as Winston laid out the situation that Rio found himself in and Ricky ended up frozen with a piece of pizza halfway to his mouth, “I’m sorry. He’s living at that creepy fucking abandoned building you found while you were sleepwalking?! Of course he can stay here what the fuck. That’s not even a question.” He took the bite that he’d been frozen about to take and rolled his eyes, “Winston. I’ve been successfully hiding my skin from people for almost a quarter of a century. Have you ever found my skin accidentally? I didn’t think so. I’ve got it nice and hidden so that’s not really an issue. But I appreciate you looking out for me.” He finished the piece of pizza and moved to another. “He’s more than welcome here. I like him. He’s a good dude. So he can absolutely stay with us. I’ll clear out one of the rooms upstairs for him. We do have the basic design down though. Start putting together a shopping list and keep track of costs and we’ll split it up.” 

“I don’t think that he is officially living there, he told me that he is living with his parents, but they sound … not great from the very little that he has actually told me about them.” Winston fiddled with their glasses. “Anyway, I feel like they use that place as a way out of the house but they don’t want their parents to find out and it would make sense for someone of their age to be moving out of the house, we’ve got the room and I knew that you would say no without hesitation.” They paused and shrugged. “I know you’ve got this dude, but you’re my rock and I definitely wouldn’t be able to do all of the stuff that I’ve got to do if I couldn’t rely on your safety.” Winston nodded. “Cool, well, I gotta admit that isn’t how I thought this would end, but I’m glad we agree. We can get started on this all tomorrow I think.” 

Ricky’s face immediately went pinched and narrow. As someone with his own latent parental issues, he had remarkably little patience for homes where parents mistreated their children. It was part of why Skylar’s defence of her abusive parents had rubbed him so much the wrong way, and why his tone took on a decidedly dull and stony timbre “well. Of course he’s always welcome here. For a couple of nights or for the foreseeable future. Whatever he needs; at least there’s an easy cover with the whole ‘oh yeah I’m just striking out on my own’ excuse. When you do bring it up to him, let him know that there’s no rent. I don’t pay Dee anything so he doesn’t have to pay me anything. Eventually he can chip in on the internet bill, but getting on his feet is more important.” His expression softened and he smiled, “If it makes you feel better… it’s not in the house. It’s hidden and locked away. He won’t find it by accident. You’re stuck with me for a good long while, don’t you fear.” Closing the pizza box before he ate the entire thing he nodded, “Good. We’ll start in the morning and turn this estate into an at least somewhat-secure fortress.” 

[thewakingcloak]

ProtoDungeon: Episode II

(Quasi)Daily Updates Thus Far

Hey all!

ProtoDungeon Episode II (TWC prequel) is coming along nicely, and I’m building out a lot of vital systems for it, future episodes, and The Waking Cloak. I also began a sort-of-daily update on the Discord server that I’ve been meaning to post here but keep forgetting to because I am a scattered, scattered person.

Anyway, uh, yeah, there are a lot of these, lol. I’ll try to post these more regularly in the future, but I hope this is fun and informative for those of you who like reading weirdly specific details about gamedev.

Daily Update - May 24, 2019

Summing up what I've already done before today: -Ring mechanics are done -Day, night, and light sensors are done (though don't have any art) -Created an object that will switch day/night

Today: - Reworking my "interaction" code so that you stop walking after interacting with something during the walk state.

Daily Update - May 25, 2019 -Finally resolved the "interact" code by adding a new player state. Now the player actually stops when interacting with objects instead of just walking into them the whole time. -Fixed a small bug where dialogue boxes would show up with the first message already "fast-forwarded" to the end with no sound. -Started working on polishing up the day/night switcher object (this is what the interact code was for). Should be important in this dungeon since the player won't have the cloak!

Daily Update - May 26, 2019 -I tend to take Sundays easy. I worked on a bed sprite for like ten minutes though!

Daily Update -  May 27, 2019 -Added the ring and its upgrades to the test room! We're now technically ready for super early patron alpha testing, which I'll put up sometime in the secret patron channel in the next few days!

Daily Update - May 28, 2019 -Set up the Itch build for pre-alpha patron testing -Worked on figuring out how to clarify the day/night and ring mechanics, visually -Began sketching out dungeon layout, now that I have mechanics set (as opposed to Episode I where I had to retrofit my design a few times after it was mostly done).

Daily Update - May 30, 2019 -Finished the rough draft of the dungeon layout!!!

Daily Update - May 31, 2019 -Finished the second draft of the dungeon map, including several more detailed rooms with puzzle designs

Daily Update - June 1, 2019 - Finished the THIRD draft of the dungeon map, think I've finally got the layout and puzzle locations pretty much settled (it's been a toughie with day/night/dayshift/nightshift)

Daily Update - June 3, 2019 -Updated level 2 of the Ring of Starlight to generate two blocks instead of one block with a dayshift/nightshift effect. This is like what was originally level 3, except the blocks will move in sync with each other -Changed the ring upgrade descriptions. I'm going to try for a more lore-based, somewhat poetic approach for these over a mechanical explanation. (Level 3 is obviously a temporary description) -Pushed the build up to Itch as v0.3.0

For those of you who have access to the pre-alpha and are using the Itch client, updating should be very easy! However, since something got renamed somewhere along the line, you will most likely have to remove the previous version of the game if you don't want it to ask you to select your version when launching the game. I don't think this will happen again... probably. :) I'm still working on the level 3 mechanic, also.

Daily Update - June 5, 2019 -Decided on new lvl3 of the ring -Fixed blocks so they now fall into pits. Long live the king. -Updated Itch app to v0.3.1

Daily Update - June 7, 2019 -Added level 3 of the ring. -Fixed a bug where pushable blocks couldn't be pushed. You had one job, pushable blocks. -Fixed a bug where the player wouldn't fall into a pit after swapping with something that's over the pit. -Fixed a bug where the synced level 2 ring block would not collide with objects when starting from "rest".

Daily Update - June 8, 2019 -Fixed bug where the dialogue box would crash sometimes. I fixed this bug before. I don't know why it came back. The code I used to fix it was gone. Will keep an eye on this code to see if it disappears again. -Updated HUD to display ring and ring level instead of scroll and swap spell level. -Fixed the controls. Space was mapped to both item "A" and item "B", and apparently it doesn't work that way when the item isn't mapped to both slots :P -Fixed a bug where the game would be very, very tiny if it was not in focus when starting in fullscreen mode. I commented out a line of code when updating the application surface resizing and forgot to uncomment it. -Updated v0.3.9 to Itch -Started work on the next draft of the dungeon sketch now that the ring mechanic has been finalized wooooo

Daily Update - June 12, 2019 -Competed new draft of the dungeon, pretty happy with this one. I'll just need to work in the puzzles and make sure the dungeon graph (a la GMTK Boss Keys) works out so players can't get stuck. -Fixed an issue where you could push blocks past the edge of the screen (and a related one where when you tried to do that, you would keep moving through the block while the block stayed still). -Fixed an issue where you could create blocks on top of each other.

Daily Update - June 14, 2019 -Started working on Tiled draft of dungeon -Began experimenting with larger default room sizes. One aspect I liked from Blossom Tales. Still keeping rooms, of course, since that's what counterintuitively makes an overworld feel big, but bumping up their width/height by about 50% each makes them feel that much larger and explorationy. -Updated test room to new room size. -Uploaded v0.3.12 to Itch, which includes the new room size, as well as the fixed bugs from the June 12 daily update

Daily Update - June 16, 2019 -Continued working on Tiled draft of dungeon. Slow work at this stage, but I believe the overall layout is complete. -Started laying out my sticky note version of the dungeon and puzzles. Lots has changed since last time I built puzzles for this dungeon, so reworking it has been fun.

Trying to decide whether the blocks should stay put when you move out the room, or disappear like the Cane of Somaria. Persistent blocks would make for some interesting puzzles.

Also trying to decide how the overworld will map down to the dungeon, since some of the dungeon rooms are a bit small and constrained. I'd like them to line up. Might still make them the same size as the overworld rooms, just with long connecting bits.

Daily Update - June 18, 2019 -Puzzle design is done! -Tiled map draft is coming along much faster now that I know what to fill the rooms with. Already making tweaks to the puzzles (and I'll certainly make more tweaks when building in GameMaker, just how it goes)

Daily Update - June 19, 2019 -Tiled map draft is almost done! Getting verrrry close now.

Daily Update - June 21, 2019 -Tiled map draft is COMPLETE!!!

Daily Update - June 23, 2019 -The actual dungeon in GameMaker is underway and making quick progress. Already improving on the Tiled map, I think! Could be done with the graybox and have it playable for patrons by the end of the week--stay tuned. Lemony Snicket voice "Graybox" here means "with crappy programmer art and white/black tiles"

Daily Update - June 24, 2019 -Made major headway on the dungeon in GameMaker. Very close to wrapping up the graybox tiles, and I've made a bunch of refinements to the existing layout and puzzles!

Daily Update - June 26, 2019 -Layout and graybox tiles are done -Colliders are done -Cliffs are done -Stairs are done -Pits are done -Item upgrades are placed -Some keys are placed -Buttons are placed (not hooked up yet)

Quasidaily Update - June 27, 2019 -Worked on hooking up buttons and bridges and simplified the lvl1 ring room (for me, should be about the same for the player)

Quasidaily Update - June 28, 2019 -Finished doors and hooked up buttons -Fixed various puzzles and rooms that weren't working correctly

Quasidaily Update - June 39, 2019 -Finished the ladder! -Finished bridge collision -Completed... the trap room -Hooked up the doors/buttons I missed (pretty easy to find since I use a red color blend on the offending buttons ingame) I... uh... am just gonna leave that as the 39th Very very close to alpha now, unless those two bugs end up just crushing me

Quasidaily Update - July 1, 2019 -Added day/night blocks -Added a missing teleporter (int/ext door) -Fixed one of the two softlocking bugs (in about 5 minutes)!

Remaining before patron alpha release: -Secret thing -Second bug -Verification that the dungeon is playable from start to finish

Quasidaily Update - July 2, 2019 -The second bug is technically fixed, but it's pretty janky and unpolished. I'll keep working on this tomorrow. -Cleaned up and optimized the block pushing check logic, which had all kinds of duplicate collision checks and wack timers being set all over the place

Quasidaily Update - July 3, 2019 -Finally fixed the second bug. This was a block syncing/pushing issue that would've prevented everyone from completing the dungeon -Began testing the dungeon's playability from beginning to end. Ran into a few more things I fixed:    -Added a level 3 ring upgrade description since it actually does something now    -Some bridges were missing pits under them, so you could walk across even if the bridge wasn't activated.    -Discovered the level 1 and 2 ring blocks don't fall in pits anymore. Oops. Gotta fix this still. Quasidaily Update - July 3, 2019 PART 2 -The dungeon is playable from start to end (except you can't get in the final room yet, but that's a quick fix) -Hooked up MORE buttons/doors that I had missed -Replaced/moved the keys around--I think this will be much more satisfying now -Added the method to get to t h e    s e c r e t Pretty pleased with it this time around--I think it's even more cryptic and fun to discover ehehehe "ehehehe" is to be read with a witch's voice

Quasidaily Update - July 4, 2019 -Tweaked t h e s e c r e t entrance ほほほ -Worked on t h e s e c r e t puzzles.... they're pretty devious お~~ほほほ

Quasidaily Update - July 5, 2019 -Fixed broken challenge puzzle. -Fixed bug with lv1 and lv2 ring mechanics--they weren't falling down pits anymore. That just makes this game way too easy. -Fixed a bug with lv3 ring blocks that was also breaking the challenge puzzle -Added some tiles to cover up my greybox "answers" -This wraps up all the changes for alpha. We'll go live with the alpha for patrons early tomorrow!

Quasidaily Update - July 6, 2019 -Released the patron alpha! Woohoo! Rali has been enjoying it at least/ -Released v0.4.2 update:    -Fixed two unmarked pits. Kinda sucks to fall into the solid ground.    -Game Over now resets only the player, not the entire game.

Quasidaily Update - July 7, 2019 -Released v0.4.4 update:    -Added collision around water bridges so you can't walk on or get trapped on the water...    -Removed a call to GMLive that may be causing a crash on the PlayerEquipmentRingState script.

Quasidaily Update - July 7, 2019 PART DOS Released v0.4.10 update: -Removed "You got a key!" text because... well, it should be obvious. -Do not freeze player on headstone moving. -Fix stutter when a level 0 equipped item is "used." -Made it so you can't push jars and blocks up stairs. They are TOO HEAVY. -Added an escape route to the challenge room so you don't have to throw yourself in a pit to get back to the start if you get stuck. It doubles as a "skip" for one of the puzzles once it has been opened. -Fixed challenge room exit so you don't get trapped. :)

Quasidaily Update - July 9, 2019 -Fixed colors on the east/west player "use ring" sprite so that the night palette shader doesn't miss it (meaning it would render her skin in the day palette) -Updated teleporters to use channel strings so I don't have to manually set the target coordinates for ALL THE TELEPORTERS AAAAAAAH. -Oh, and yeah, most importantly: released v0.5.0 update! Completed dungeon remodel!! It uses the build-a-final-key method like in Episode I. This allowed me to make the dungeon a bit less linear. It also meant I knocked down a wall or two, added another puzzle or two, and all around made something I'm much more satisfied with.

Quasidaily Update - July 10, 2019 Released v0.5.5 update! -Fixed a crash when attempting to push arrows (read: moving toward an arrow while it's trying to kill you). -Toned down the arrow knockback effect -Fixed awkward/slow interaction with arrows knocking you into pits -Shortened room respawn freeze time -Fixed a bug where the player could walk directly into the arrow and avoid taking damage. Pretty sure that's not how arrows work (this was related to the pushing bug above!).

Quasidaily Update - July 11, 2019 -Starting to place actual tiles over the greybox tiles and gosh it's nice to have real art.

Quasidaily Update - July 12, 2019 -Majority of the final tiles have been placed and it looks great. I still need to make a few interior wall sets and a handful of floor tiles. It really brings the dungeon to life

Quasidaily Update - July 14, 2019 -Released v0.6.0!!! I'm very excited about this one because it's the first of the graphics updates. The majority of the basic final tiles have been placed. There are more graphics updates to come (which you'll note if you play this version), but is the biggest of 'em. Looks great in day and night!

Quasidaily Update - July 15, 2019 -Added new one-way-jump wall tiles -Completed secret room tiles and decorations -Added lighter tall grass

Quasidaily Update -  July 16, 2019 -Today was a writing day, mainly. I'd like to have the little snippets of dialogue and bookshelves and so on done in a day or two. It's exciting stuff, showing off the tips of all these icebergs. -Last night I pushed v0.6.4, an update that had lots of good graphics updates. Except I forgot to replace the player back at the start of the level after testing, so neipo had some fun times starting at the END of the level. Fixed and uploaded in v0.6.5!

More! -Uploaded v0.6.6 in which I fixed an arrow issue that I already fixed previously. Except, I had only fixed it for ProtoDungeon I. Which is why @neipo13 ran into it to my great confusion.

More!!! Uploaded v0.6.8:    -Fixed one of the lvl3 ring puzzles so it didn't have a ridiculously easy solution (thanks for finding that, neipo).    -Fixed description of round key.

Quasidaily Update - July 17, 2019 I intended to do some writing today, but I got more excited about something else.... sooooo, cue the upload of v0.6.13 - The Optimization Patch! - in which the average framerate on my dev laptop is now 260fps up from 120fps.  -Moved the half-speed/GIF mode to only be available in debug mode (this was "G" on the keyboard, so people could just press it and not be sure why the game was running so badly).  -Scott's [regular & mod on the server] lappy had major framerate issues running the game, so I did some optimization and found out the pits were accounting for 50% of the time of every single frame. The best part: they only needed to run the offending code ONCE. So I moved that code from the step event to a one-time event and voila, framerate is way more stable.  -Turned off GMLive entirely and added an easy toggle for me. This is very useful during development, but it likes to make lots of calls when turned on.  -Updated the "listener" step event, which was setting a blend mode every single step. In debugger mode, this is so that stuff like buttons and doors turn red if they're not hooked up. Otherwise it "unsets" the blend mode by setting it to -1 every single step (regardless of debug mode). Apparently this has some unexpected overhead, even if the blend mode is ALREADY -1. A quick and easy fix.  -Swapped out the existing (non-moving) tombstone objects for different objects. Almost all of the tombstones were instances of the same object as the ones that move, but that came with a lot of additional overhead (my "listener" object still accounts for a lot of time because it's doing some checking with ds_lists every frame for every listener object; the moving tombstones have listeners, the normal tombstones do not). They're behaving themselves now.

Quasidaily Update - July 18, 2019 Uploaded v0.6.14!  -Fixed up collision in the secret room  -Finished secret room lore dialogue

There's still more writing to do for the headstones, bookshelves, and a certain NPC who isn't in the game yet, but yeah! Getting there!

Quasidaily Update - July 20, 2019 Over the last day or two, I've slowed down a lot--think I'm getting close to burning out, plus not certain I'm satisfied with the story implementation thus far in Episode II (am I too obscure? Revealing too much? Will people care? etc). That said, I've gotten some stuff done, and uploaded v0.6.19  -Fixed some borked collision near the hut (thanks for finding that, Rali)  -Fixed tombstones so they could display text  -Added text to various tombstones >:) (and bookshelves)  -Fixed the interaction check so that you don't interact with objects to the north of you when facing to the east or west.

Today I switched gears and created a batch file that could compile an executable without even opening GameMaker!! This is actually pretty exciting. I could almost, at this point, switch completely to GMEdit, which is significantly faster and more intuitive tham GM workspaces. Oh, and the batch file also uploads the compiled exe to Itch

Quasidaily Update - July 20, 2019 I decided to switch gears again and work on the save game feature. Not done yet, but it IS saving the player/inventory objects, and I'm setting it up to be pretty easily able to take in any set of objects, auto-read all their variables, and set 'em.

Quasidaily Update -  July 22, 2019 Been working on the ol' save system still. It's going well. I had to fight a bit with my camera system (like always lol), and now I'm making sure the ring blocks properly reset--currently they crash the game which isn't quite right...

The system as planned for PDII will essentially be an autosave that triggers on entrance of each room. When loading the game, all solved puzzles should remain solved, and ring blocks should remain in place, and you'll appear at the entrance of whatever room you exited the game from. At some point in a later episode I'll include slots and specific save points not unlike bonfires from Dark Souls

Quasidaily Update - July 23, 2019 Saving and Loading Continued Cleaned up the loading--it would snap you back to the load point and the camera had trouble keeping up. Now it's a nice, clean fade transition with no camera moving around.

What's left: -Properly saving blocks and other puzzle elements. Currently it, uh, duplicates them? So that's nice. -For some reason, the ring itself disappears when you reload the game -Need to set up the fadeout transition so it finishes before puzzle elements get reset and the time of day changes -Set up an autosave on room enter -You can actually get stuck in the first ring room by crossing a bridge and having that bridge disappear behind you, then quitting and loading your save. I'm trying to think of a good way to solve it now and in the future without making it easy to miss setting up something manually.

Quasidaily Update - July 25, 2019 Moar Savingz Ring blocks are finally managing their own order, and it's wayyyyy more stable and uses a ton less code than before. Previously, during the player's "use ring" state, it would call the inventory manager to update the order of the blocks, which it stored in two variables. It worked, but occasionally the order would get really weird and so on, plus it was going to be a nightmare for reloading. The problem is that the inventory manager was holding the ring block IDs in those two variables, and IDs are not guaranteed to be the same on re-run.

Solution: ring blocks get an integer variable that stores their order, called order. When a ring block is created, it tells the other block to update its order. If that order is already 2, destroy it. Simple, and easy to save since it's an int. 

In a pre-quasidaily update today Daniel learns why his ring blocks aren't loading They are And then they're instantly destroying themselves Because of the code he wrote To tell them to destroy themselves Thank you

Quasidaily Update - July 26, 2019 Uploaded v0.6.22, possibly the final 0.6 version since saving is coming sooooooooooon. BUT. Here's what you guys get:    -Fixed some more collisions near the hut (seriously, did I move that entire room over one tile somehow)    -Allow jumping off ANY ledge (WOOO)    -Fixed occasional crash when creating ring blocks

The save/load system is working also, but not available outside of debug mode yet! As far as I can tell everything is saving and loading properly as expected. There are a couple places you can save scum past, and I have a few ideas for handling those, but that probably won't be something I deal with for a bit. However, the player is not currently able to save or load (unless they're in debug mode, as mentioned), which leads me to the next major update I will be working on: M E N U S  and  O P T I O N S

Quasidaily Update - July 27, 2019 I'm 25 minutes through a 70 minute series by FriendlyCosmonaut on a menu system. This is a lot lol.

In the process, I did a little bit of reworking/cleaning on my controls system. I now have some global variables that hold all the currently configured controls, instead of hardcoding the controls into the input manager. This was in preparation to allow control remapping!

Quasidaily Update - July 30, 2019 Been quiet for a few days--hard at work on the new menu system. This one is a doozy, you guys. I haven't done this much straight code on the TWC "engine" since Episode I.... maybe even longer.

Finished the FriendlyCosmonaut series, which was a great foundation. Now I'm building off it (and trying to get tons of parts of it to actually work still). I'd ideally like to have it look a lot like the old mockup from my blog post on difficulty settings (many of those difficulty settings will not be used in ProtoDungeon or TWC).

Here's what I got so far. Still a lot of the FriendlyCosmonaut design in this, which is good, but doesn't quite fit with this game.

brightness/contrast do nothing, window actually works pretty well--unless you change the smoothing size, in which case it starts acting up...

vsync.... I think works? I haven't even tried toggling screenshake I want to use the "bouncing arrows" style from the mockup instead of color, fix the on/off to use arrows instead, fix the sliders so they use pixel arrows instead of drawn circles.... so much left to dooooo I just have to remember it was loading a black screen this morning

Quasidaily Update - August 7, 2019 Been alternating between taking breaks and working furiously on menu stuff, as you can see with screenshots.

Spending a lot of time on remapping. There's a lot to polish here, stuff you might not think about on first glance (What happens if a key is already mapped to another? Do you handle the menu not closing while you're remapping the menu key? Do you handle the menu so it doesn't navigate when mapping the back key? Do you include primary and secondary control sets, and if so, how do you display that clearly? Etc.)

Not all these questions have difficult answers, but they add up. So that's basically all I've been working on for the past week or so :)

Today I got the gamepad up and running and the secondary control set as well. I forgot how good it feels to play the game with a controller vs a keyboard. My wife happily exclaimed "You're playing with a controller!" :D

The secondary control set was a back and forth decision. The deciding factor was mainly wanting to ease the initial "time to start" for different players--so you can move with WASD and the arrow keys, or with the dpad and the stick. I have a pretty good idea how the UI will work for this too, so now that the gamepad is working, I'm gonna start on the secondary controls.

Quasidaily Update - August 11, 2019 -Primary and secondary gamepad button remapping are working -Got some cool new gamepad icons, improved thanks to Corvos -Fixed the menu so you couldn't close it on the menu page when starting the game -Added a second, ingame menu with resume/settings/save & quit as options -The new menu will pause all "actors" (objects with states) -Fixed a bug where the secondary gamepad right input was not mapped

Quasidaily Update - August 13, 2019 -"Defaults" option now works for keyboard and gamepad -Fixed an issue where you couldn't remap some of the secondary keyboard inputs (broke it with the gamepad remapping). -Fixed an issue with the menu arrow being in the wrong place (broke it with the gamepad remapping). -Removed light blue coloring on selected menu items. Judging by other menus, arrow seems to be enough by itself. -When remapping, the current selected control will now blink instead of remaining static. -Made sliders more usable--it wasn't really possible to move them 1% at a time, which was unwieldy and annoying. Now they have a "ramping" speed and are much easier to control.

Quasidaily Update - August 13, 2019, Part II -Toned down the strength of the brightness slider just a bit. -Updated the shaders to affect the GUI as well as the game. This should include the menu as well as the HUD, the dialogue box, and, in TWC, the inventory screen. I kinda like this. We'll see if it bothers people. :D

Quasidaily Update - August 17, 2019 -Fixed an issue with menu sliders not being drawn when the shader is applying to GUI elements. Turns out the built-in line drawing doesn't pass texture information to the shader. At this point I'm not sure how to configure the shader correctly, so I just made the lines into sprites instead lol. -Added title to the top-level menu! Yay! -Fixed game loading so it would load the correct room (both GameMaker room and in-game "area"). -Autosave the game on room entrance. -Autosave the game on getting an item (this way you can't cheese certain rooms). At this point, playing the game, quitting, and coming. back to continue is working REALLY WELL. -No longer save "region" (rooms in the game) objects, since these get created and setup perfectly fine on room creation. -Added SOME SECRETS YAY! -Autosave the game on "teleporting"--going through doors, up/down stairs, etc. -Fixed the "circle out" transition, which was apparently not working or used anywhere. -Changed all "teleportation" to use circle-in/circle-out transitions--a little less visually jarring and much nicer looking than a fade-to-wipe-from-center.

Quasidaily Update - August 19, 2019 -Added tiny pause in the middle of the teleportation transition so that it's a bit less jarring -Simultaneously, allowed toggle to camera easing so that I don't have to add fragile pauses to loading and certain transitions and so on (to wait for the camera to finish moving to catch up with the player loaded position). This fixed a small camera jerk when loading the game. This will eventually be an option on the menu for those that don't like the easing (and also because turning off subpixels makes camera easing REALLY BAD). -Fixed issue with audio groups not loading (by loading them, wow). This is probably temporary since next big task is to add the Wandersong audio engine, but the fix let me actually see my debug messages instead of spamming "Audio Group 2 is not loaded" whenever a sound is played lol. -Fixed bug with loading the game on a teleporter (doors, stairs, etc.) where it would immediately take you to the target location. This had multiple parts, but namely 1) just making sure to set the global "isLoading" flag and to not teleport during that, and 2) setting the "isLoading" flag earlier, since the teleporters were faster than my load manager lol. -Fixed "New Game" issue where it would fade to black, start the game, and then fade to black again. Turns out if you call "fade out" twice, it will fade out twice.

[razieltwelve]

Prodigy (Final Rose AU Snippet)

Ruby did her best to tune out the whispers. Having one prodigy in the family was remarkable enough. Having two was downright ridiculous. Her lips twitched. If only people knew. Her other siblings were every bit as talented as her and Averia, but her parents had always been content to let them progress at their own rate. It was why they had agreed to let Diana be accelerated through Beacon whereas Jessica was likely to adopt a more normal pace.

It wasn’t about talent. Jessica was more than good enough to be accelerated to. However, Jessica’s friends - her future teammates - weren’t ready to be accelerated, and their parents weren’t going to force her to leave them behind. Teammates were family in all but blood. Breaking up great teams before they could really even form would not turn out well for anybody.

“You’re getting your own team too, you know,” Averia murmured as they made their way toward the hall for the welcoming ceremony.

“Did Diana tell you that?” Ruby asked. “Or is that another prediction from Saviour?”

“Diana helps our Aunt Vanille run team compatibility simulations.” Averia lowered her voice. “She may also have hacked the database to find out what the teams are.”

“Doesn’t Aunt Vanille do security for that database though?” Ruby’s brows furrowed. Diana was phenomenal, but their Aunt Vanille was one of the few people who could potentially keep her out of a system she wanted to get into.

“Diana got in through Atlas’s database. Beacon is locked up tight, but Atlas handles its own cyber-security.”

“But Uncle Hope is no slouch,” Ruby countered. “He should be able to keep that database secure.”

“You can thank internal Atlas politics for Uncle Hope not being in charge of that. Diana found out, which is why she was confident of getting in.” Averia’s lips twitched. “So… do you want to know who you’ve got?”

“No.” Ruby grinned. “I want it to be a surprise.” She paused. “Unless my team is awful. Please, tell me they’re not awful.”

“Oh… I think you’ll find your team interesting, and you’ll have at least one familiar face to help you get started.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Ruby’s eyes narrowed. “Is it Claire? Or maybe’s it’s Trajan. How about -”

“I thought you wanted it to be a surprise?” Averia ruffled Ruby’s hair. “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like your team.” She paused. “And you might want to buy some tuna before you meet them.”

“Tuna?”

Averia shrugged. “I don’t know why you’d need tuna, but Diana was pretty firm on it being a good idea.”

“Hmm… I wonder why she didn’t tell me about this,” Ruby mused.

“Probably because she finds the idea of me advising you to buy tuna amusing.”

“Probably.”

X     X     X

Ruby tried not to stare at the very, very pretty heiress. “Uh… hi.”

“Good morning.” Weiss extended her hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Ruby. I am Weiss Schnee.”

“I know.” Ruby’s brain finally caught up to her mouth. “I mean… it’s a pleasure to meet you too, Weiss.” She shook the heiress’s hand and took careful note of what she observed. As Tifa Mom was so fond of saying, people’s hands always told a story. Weiss might have delicate-looking hands, but there was a wiry strength to them that spoke of experience in handling a weapon, and the calluses on her hands could only have come from many, many hours of practice. “It’s good to have you on the team.”

“I must say, I was a little disappointed to not be leading my own team, but in light of the circumstances, I can understand why you were chosen.” Weiss chuckled. “As impressive as my pedigree might be, I think you have the edge since your parents are certainly quite prominent.”

Ruby scratched the back of her head. “Yeah. They’re pretty famous.” That was a massive, massive understatement. Tifa Mom was probably the least famous of her parents, and she was still super famous. Summer Mom, Lightning Mom, and Fang Mom were all like… super mega famous. “But I’m kind of hoping they didn’t just pick me because of my family, you know.”

“Ah, relax.” Yang threw one arm around Ruby and pulled her into an impromptu headlock, and Ruby tried very hard not to think about how her face was being pressed into Yang’s chest. And it was a really, really nice chest. “Ruby here got the second highest score on the tactics and strategy portion of the exam.”

“Oh? Who else was in the top three?” Weiss asked.

Yang let go of Ruby and then lifted her up like a trophy. Ruby’s eye twitched. She might not be as short as Diana, but it was kind of galling to be waved around like a trophy although Yang somehow had a way of making the whole experienced pleasant. The blonde was just so warm and affectionate. “First place was Averia. No surprise there. Pyrrha Nikos came in third. Ruby had her beat by half a point.”

“And Averia was ten points ahead of me,” Ruby countered, squirming free and doing her best to channel Averia’s glare. To her dismay, Yang just smirked back. They both knew that Ruby was awful at intimidation unless she was truly angry, and she couldn’t really remember the last time she’d gotten truly angry at Yang. “So I’ve still got a long way to go.”

Weiss smiled and extended her hand to Yang as well. “It would be remiss of me not to formally greet you as well, Yang Xiao Long - gah!”

“Forget the handshake,” Yang said, tugging Weiss into a headlock. “We’re teammates now.”

Ruby bit back a laugh as Weiss struggled briefly before realising the futility of it. Yang might not be as fast as Ruby, but Dust she was strong. Weiss had also seemingly realised that being in a headlock put her right next to Yang’s bust. “Don’t worry, Weiss. You’ll get used to it. Yang is just, well, Yang.”

“Yep.” Yang let go of Weiss. “By the way… has anyone seen our fourth member? We were supposed to meet at this training ground, but she hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Hmm…” Weiss’s brows furrowed. “Could she have gotten lost? Beacon Senior Academy does have a lot of training grounds, and this is the first day of school.”

“I don’t know,” Ruby said. “But I brought tuna.”

Yang tilted her head to one side. “Why would you need tuna?”

Ruby shrugged. “Diana told Averia to tell me to bring tuna.” She made a face. “It’s Diana. She says a lot of crazy stuff, but she’s basically always right.” 

“But tuna?” Weiss pressed. “What does tuna have to do with anything?” “Like I said, I don’t know.” Ruby took out the can of tuna and put it on the ground. “Hmm… nothing’s happening.”

“Maybe you should open it,” Yang said. 

“Sure, why not?” Ruby laughed. “Maybe opening it will magically summon our teammate somehow.” She opened the can of tuna, and barely five seconds passed before someone hopped out of the tree next to them. In an instant, she and Yang had already moved to intercept them. Ruby had never worked with Weiss before but given the Schnee family’s reputation for doing extremely extravagant things involving Dust and Glyphs, it was probably safe to guess the other girl was a heavy hitter who could drop the hammer while Ruby and Yang covered her. 

However, Ruby screeched to a halt as she took in the appearance of the person who had dropped out of the tree. Her first impression was to try not to gawk. Did Beacon have like some kind of attractiveness criteria because so far all the girls she’d seen had been gorgeous? If Yang was more the tall and busty type and Weiss was the elegant and petite type, the dark-haired girl in front of them was somewhere in between, athletic and graceful but not nearly as delicate in appearance as Weiss. 

“Is that tuna?” the girl asked.

Ruby blinked. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

“And you just opened the can and put it on the ground?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t actually know,” Ruby said. “But… are you our teammate?”

The dark-haired girl’s lips twitched, and she sketched them a rough bow. “Blake Belladonna.” Her eyes drifted over them. “And you would be Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, and Weiss Schnee.”

“Technically, my full name would be Oerba Yun Ruby Rose-Lockhart-Farron but, yeah, Ruby Rose is kind of easier to say.”

"That’s quite a mouthful,” Blake drawled. “I can see why you just go by Ruby Rose.”

Ruby giggled. “When I was younger I tried to change it to Ruby Awesome, but my parents said no.”

“Ruby Awesome?” Weiss asked. “Really?”

“Yeah… because I was awesome,” Ruby replied.  “I… see.” Weiss evidently couldn’t if her tone of voice was anything to go by. She glanced at Blake and then extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Blake.”

It took a moment for Blake to shake Weiss’s hand. Ruby took note of it. Was Blake just not big on physical contact or was there something else there? She couldn’t be sure, but she could have sworn Blake’s expression had tightened ever so slightly when she’d seen Weiss.

“Am I going to shake your hand too?” Blake asked Yang.

“Nope.” Blake was promptly introduced to the greatness that was a Yang headlock. “Handshakes are boring.”

“So… we’re team RWBY, huh?” Blake looked at each of them, and Ruby had the distinct feeling Blake was taking their measure. Hopefully, she measured up. 

“Yep.” Ruby smiled. “And we’re going to be the best team ever!”

X     X     X

“So…” Vanille murmured. “Are you spying on your sisters again?”

Diana glanced away from the holographic display. “Mostly Ruby. Averia should be fine. She’s got Elsa, Claire, and Jahne. She’s known Elsa and Jahne for years, and Claire is our cousin. Ruby’s got Yang, but she’s not really familiar with Blake or Weiss. At the least the tuna trick worked.”

“Like mother like daughter,” Vanille said. “Have you got eyes on Team JNPR?”

“Yeah. I think Jaune is doing his best to not throw up in panic about being made leader. He’s managed to succeed so far.”

“Good for him. Pyrrha took it well though.”

“She did, but everything I’ve been able to find out about her suggests that she really is just super nice, sweet, and kind despite being almost as much of a killer robot as Averia.”

“Meh. Maybe she’s got better software installed.”

“Maybe.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

This is another snippet set in the Summer/Lightning/Fang/Tifa AU. Probably the biggest change for Ruby in this AU is that everyone - absolutely everyone - will know who she is since not only is Summer still alive but she also never gets crippled by the Grimm in this AU. Given how much Ruby looks like Summer, her fellow students are going to put two and two together. There will be a huge amount of pressure on her to live up to her parents’ standards, just like there is for Averia, but Ruby is two years younger.

On the other hand, it does make some things easier. Weiss would normally be more aggravated about not being leader, but she knows who Ruby is, so she can’t exactly get upset by that. If anything, she’s pleased because being on a team with Ruby is a very, very favourable outcome for her. From a purely pragmatic point of view, being on the same team as Ruby is fantastic since teammates generally becomes close friends and allies (or possibly even more).

Ruby’s response to Yang is also very different than in canon because they aren’t sisters. Moreover, although they get along great and consider themselves close friends, Yang was raised in Patch whereas Ruby was raised in Vale. As a result, Ruby is not oblivious to the fact that Yang is a very attractive person in more ways than one.

And then there’s Blake.

In this AU, the White Fang is generally more peaceful because the last time they stepped out of line, they got smacked down so hard they never forgot about it. This is largely due to one of the establishments the more militant White Fang attacking in the past being a hotel owned by Tifa. She took exception to their attack on the hotel, and Lightning, Summer, and Fang were similarly unimpressed. Things after that did not get well for the White Fang.

As a result, this Blake is less filled with regret over being a former terrorist and although wary of Weiss is less hostile to begin with. She has, however, left home in a bid to carve out her own identity, so she doesn’t have to live in the shadows of her parents who rule over Menagerie. Yes, she basically is a princess, so both Ruby and Averia have got one on their teams. Of course, Elsa also doubles as an air conditioner, but Blake can make clones, so it’s not a total loss.

You can find me on fanfiction.net, AO3, and Amazon.

Definitely check out my Amazon stuff if you enjoy my sense of humour.

[musicprincess655]

Youichi ripped another page from his sketchbook and threw it to the ground at his feet. The crumpled pieces of paper had gathered around him, and if Youichi wasn’t feeling so stubborn and contrary, he’d consider now a good time to stop.

Drawing was frustrating at normal speed. It shouldn’t have made a difference. After all, he could perceive things at super speeds as if they were happening in regular time, but somehow it changed everything. Youichi sometimes drew at normal speeds, just to change things up, but being forced to do so felt stifling.

Usually, drawing was an escape. It was something that was just his, and if what he wanted to escape from something to do with the team, what better place to go than somewhere they couldn’t really follow?

“Did that sketchbook do something to offend you?” Youichi turned to see Barry drop onto the porch beside him. “Need me to fight it off for you?”

“I should probably give it a rest, huh?” Youichi asked, mouth quirking up in a self-deprecating grin.

After two months in America, his English had already started to smooth out. Barry couldn’t speak Japanese all that well, and his aunt Arisa had insisted Youichi practice English if he was spending time in America.

“It’s an interesting coping mechanism, but not a bad one,” Barry said. “At least you’re only raining down destruction and mayhem on paper. I’ve seen worse methods.”

“I’ll run out of sketchbook at this rate,” Youichi said.

“So we’ll get you another one,” Barry said simply. “It’s a solvable problem.”

Unlike my speed, Youichi couldn’t help but think. Barry seemed to notice his shift in mood, and reached down to pick up one of the crumpled sketchbook pages at his feet.

“So what did this one do to offend you so badly it had to be purged?” Barry asked, holding up the sketch of the house across the street that Youichi had been attempting. “I think it looks pretty good.”

“The perspective is all wrong,” Youichi said, pointing out all the flaws he could see. “And I didn’t get the roof right at all, it slants different. And over here…”

“I can’t see any of that,” Barry admitted sheepishly.

“You don’t know much about drawing.” Youichi said it without accusation, even though it was true. Barry was a scientist, and it was how he’d come by his speed. Youichi had just been the product of an accident and a particularly fortunate lightning strike.

Or particularly unlucky, in light of recent events.

“This has always been just your thing, huh?” Barry sighed. “I understand the world through science, and your aunt has her words, and you have this.”

“Don’t have it so much right now,” Youichi said. He was pretty sure they weren’t just talking about art anymore.

“Maybe you’re just focusing in on the finer details too much,” Barry said. “If you step back, maybe it’s not so bad.”

Youichi stared hard at the drawing, glare deepening.

“I don’t think I can keep doing metaphors in English,” he said finally. Barry laughed.

“That’s fair,” he said. “Have you talked to your team at all since you left?”

Youichi looked down at his hands. It was a fair question, but not one he wanted to answer.

“Thought not,” Barry said, not unkindly. “They’re worried about you, you know. They keep calling me to ask how you’re doing. Ryou especially.”

Youichi tried to laugh at how hard Barry hit the R in Ryou’s name instead of feeling the separation between them more keenly.

Because he missed his team in a way that hurt to his core. He missed Miyuki’s shitty personality, and Sawamura’s bright, obnoxious laughter, and Jun’s shouts, and Tetsu’s terrible jokes.

And more than anything, he missed Ryou. They’d been best friends since they were young kids, practically inseparable since the day they’d met. Ever since they’d formed their own team with just the six of them, they’d been even closer.

It had been easy, falling for Ryou. From the first day, he’d captured Youichi’s attention, and as Youichi had slowly learned to translate the jabs and insults and appreciate the genuine words when they came, as they grew up together...he couldn’t imagine a world where he didn’t fall hopelessly in love with Kominato Ryousuke.

And his feelings were returned. That was something Youichi was sure of. It wasn’t just the one kiss they’d shared, either, it was everything put together. It was the shared looks, the easy partnership, the quiet moments where both of them were content to just be. Youichi missed those most of all.

It had been easy to just let things develop at their own pace. After all, they should have had their entire lifetimes together. What was a few years while they figured everything out? It couldn’t feel like a waste of time, not when they were together. They’d been friends first, and they would always be best friends first, no matter what else happened.

And then the time Youichi had left had changed from decades to potentially months. Oh, he could still live a long life, but it would mean giving up what he loved doing the most. Every day, he got to wake up and do the best job in the world. Being a hero was cool, and it was all he’d ever wanted to do, and he was expected to drop all that because his body was starting to reject the lightning that flowed through it?

Surviving wasn’t living, and Youichi couldn’t be content just surviving.

“They’ll be okay without me,” Youichi finally said. “They’re all strong.”

“I’m sure they’ll survive just fine without you,” Barry said. “But it’s obvious none of them want to.”

“No place on a hero team for a speedster who can’t run, right?” Youichi asked. He could feel Barry’s eyes boring into the side of his head.

“You know, kid, when you first got your speed, I had no clue how I was gonna handle it,” Barry admitted. “And I’m not ashamed to admit that I was terrified.”

“I never noticed,” Youichi said. He’d been too starstruck, in awe of the fact that his favorite uncle and personal hero was a real superhero, and that Youichi was all of a sudden just like him.

“Well, I did at least one thing right, then,” Barry said. “You were just so young, and so different from me. I could understand all this hero stuff with science, but even when you came to the lab with me, it was pretty obvious you were just humoring me.”

Youichi shrugged. He’d never been much of a science kid. Like Barry had said earlier, it wasn’t the way he understood the world.

“You took to this better than I ever expected, considering I had no clue how to teach you,” Barry continued. “I was still learning myself. I was barely an adult, and suddenly I had this sidekick who looked at me like I hung the moon?”

“American saying,” Youichi said out of habit.

“Oh, sorry. It means…” Barry trailed off as he tried to find the words.

“I kind of get it,” Youichi said, cutting off the explanation. “You’re still my hero. All I wanted when I was a kid was to run just like you. I still want to do that.”

Barry looked at him for so long that Youichi was sure that he’d said something wrong. But Barry’s face was gentle, not angry, so maybe it was okay.

“You know, kid, you’ve spent a long time trying to run just like me,” Barry said. “Maybe it’s about time you started running like you.”

He clapped Youichi on the shoulder, getting up and heading back into the house.

“I’ll let you get back to your angry sketchbook rampage,” Barry said.

Which left Youichi alone with that thought.

Maybe it’s about time you started running like you.

What did that mean, though? Youichi had always tried to follow the theory of running from Barry, and then from Bart too. Both of them were faster than him, because they understood the physics of speed, the mechanics of running. Their brains worked with numbers and scientific principles and Youichi had spent years trying to keep up.

But Youichi wasn’t a scientist. He wasn’t a numbers guy. He didn’t see the world through hard constants like that.

Youichi worked on instincts. He saw the world through feelings, through images, through emotions. He couldn’t always describe his world, so he had to feel it out. His gut had always been good, and he’d learned to trust it even in the face of conventional logic.

Maybe it’s about time you started running like you.

So if he was supposed to run like himself, did that mean to let go of the theory? The form he’d spent so many years forcing himself into? Was he supposed to just listen to his instincts? What were they even telling him?

Youichi stood, grabbing his comm. as he left the house. He’d come to love Central City over the years, but right now, as he tried to think, the bustle and noise was only distracting.

He’d gotten familiar with the bus system, and after an hour jumping from bus to bus, he was finally outside the city. There was nothing romantic about this country. There was just a cracked asphalt road, dead grass on the sides, and a fence quickly falling into disrepair.

It was perfect.

Youichi stood perfectly still, trying to listen. What were his instincts trying to tell him? What did his gut say was the right move?

Wind swirled around him, cooling the warm sunlight that fell across his cheeks as he closed his eyes and really tried to listen. The wind hummed in his ears, and if Youichi really listened, he could almost pretend he heard a voice in it.

Run, the voice seemed to say. Run like the wind, run faster, run like you have a force of nature inside your soul. Run to the ends of the earth just because you can, run just to feel the freedom in your heart.

Youichi couldn’t help the half-hearted chuckle that fell from his lips. He couldn’t tell if he’d just imagined the voice saying everything he wanted to hear. After all, he wanted to run again, and he’d always wanted to be fast. And it was impossible that there really was a voice on the wind. That was only his imagination.

Maybe it was instinct. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

Youichi opened his eyes anyway. He could see all the way to the horizon, and all he wanted to do now was see what was beyond it. And then see what was beyond that horizon, again and again and again. He loved his speed because he loved being a hero, but more than that, when he was running, when he was flying, that was when he felt truly free. There was joy to it, joy to the action itself, and that was what truly pained Youichi to lose.

It was a reckless idea. Stupid beyond belief, stupid in a way that Youichi had never been before. But he’d always been reckless. He took risks, just to see if they paid off, and even if it killed him, he’d wanted to stay in this game for just a little longer, for just one more glimpse at the summit.

Youichi set his feet for a sprint, and then he let go of all the tension in his shoulders, dropping them from the form he’d forced himself to adopt, letting his arms fall wherever they wanted, shaking out his legs until they felt just right instead of stiff.

“New message from Nightwing,” the comm. link said in his ear, and Youichi jumped. He’d almost forgotten that even if he was alone out here, he’d never really be alone in this world, not when he had his team.

Youichi tapped the comm. It wasn’t often that they left each other messages. If it was important enough to call each other on the comm., it was important enough to speak directly. But Youichi could understand the difficulty in speaking directly. He’d let go of his anger towards Ryou almost as soon as he’d left, but reaching out was something he was still trying to do.

“Hey,” Ryou’s voice said in his ear, and Youichi clenched his jaw against all the emotions inside him. But even with the lingering frustration, even with the pain...it was obvious which ones he felt the strongest. “I just wanted to say one last thing before we go out on this mission. I bet you’ve seen the Warworld thing on the news. We’re going to go take it down. I need to say this before we go, just in case. This isn’t a guilt trip, though. I’m definitely coming back. Just in case.”

Youichi snorted. That was all Ryou. Of course he’d deflect from what he really meant. Youichi chose to ignore the part where they were maybe going on a suicide mission in favor of listening to the rest of Ryou’s words.

“I’ve decided you’re right about one thing. I have really shitty timing.” Ryou laughed a little. “I had two months to tell you all of this, and I decided to wait until now. I guess I really am a coward. But I still need to say that I’m sorry, one more time, because I never said that. I never said it that way. I’m sorry for calling you replaceable, and for implying that you weren’t hero enough to defend yourself. I wanted to keep you safe at all costs, but that wasn’t right. The choice I tried to force you to accept was one that would hurt you, and I’m sorry I was selfish enough to ask you to accept it anyway.”

Ryou cleared his throat, and when he spoke again, his voice was steadier.

“So that’s it. I’m sorry for everything. And when we get back, if you’re willing to hear me out, I want to say it in person. Because you deserve that. You deserve so much more than I’ve given you. You’re a better man than I am, but I can promise I’ll try. For you, I’ll try. You’re worth that. So just wait for us to get back, and I’ll give you a real apology. And I’ll tell you everything else I was too scared to say before.”

The message ended, and Youichi tried to force the lump in his throat down. There had been so much raw emotion in Ryou’s voice, and it told so much more than his words. Ryou had bared his soul to Youichi, and even if his message was unspoken, Youichi had heard it loud and clear.

Youichi tuned into the comm. link that the team would be using on the mission to the Warworld. Even if he was stuck on Earth, he could still listen, supporting them in spirit.

“We’re losing in here!” Haruichi’s was the first voice Youichi heard. “We need backup!”

“There is no backup!” Nori said, his voice edging into desperation.

“I can’t get the power core shut down!” An screamed. “Arsenal’s down!”

“I could use backup in the crystal key chamber,” Ryou said, and Youichi shivered at the fear in his voice.

“There is no backup,” Nori said again. “All other squads are pinned down.”

Youichi stopped listening, staring up at the sky while the sounds of everyone he cared about slowly losing surrounded him.

Run with the wind. Run faster.

Was this it, then? Was he really better off staying here, staying safe, listening to the deaths of the people he loved.

But was the alternative better? Was throwing all his hopes onto a vague feeling, knowing it would probably kill him, but praying that it wouldn’t, the right way to go? If this was his last run, was it worth the price he would pay for one final look at the summit?

There was no question. Youichi turned and ran.