#this is less a vent and more word vomit

[gimmeyoursnacks]

people pointing out to teenage me for the first time that my mental illness made me kinda self absorbed was so jarring, like someone dunking me in ice water. Like for a second i was forced to stop ruminating realized for the first time in a while that there was a room outside of me (if that makes sense?).

its not an entirely true statement?? or at least one that's very kind. like everyone with severe mental illnesses know how all consuming it is, how you have to spend 24/7 managing the hell you're living in, how you have zero control over it- how it traps you so much that you don't notice the suffering of the people around you.

having an ocd flare-up so bad that i don't notice the amount of stress my mom is under that i unknowingly add to, or how my inability to keep in touch with my friends hurts them like. its not entirely your fault but you still feel terrible that your brain is not only torturing you but making you seem like an asshole to everyone else around you.

[baekuras]

I have also now spent 3 nights in a row being upset at working at my current job because I can’t go experiment with my style in any meaningful way

Like yes plain black shirt+pants are a nice safe option and work clothes being different from party clothes or even everyday ones is fine

But I can’t go experiment with my hair, I can’t go experiment with makeup and let’s not even start with tattoos

and I really, really, REALLY wanna do that

I hate going to the hairdresser but there are also some hairstyles I just wanna try which all lean towards a generally more messy or shaggy appearance, right down into shaving the sides because I just wanna...try many things out

and my coworkers may be all ‘oh but you are so young and pretty you should go dress nicely’ etc but ‘dress nicely’ means shit like a blouse and ballerinas and not ‘my style’

it just irritates me so much because I am so not going to go get like a blunt bob (i have wavy/up to curly hair and i will not straighten it every.single.morning for like an hour and harden it to stone with god knows how much product for it to stay that specific shape AND commit to it-i barely commit to having my fringe at preferred length and not in the awkward between stage bc i cant be bothered)

+i also just...want tattoos? and not just a teeny tiny hidden one

I at LEAST want one on my arm, preferrebly even forearm if not a full sleeve because I just like the look, but i havent even bothered looking into that or what i’d really want etc because i know I cant wear it at work and I dont wanna have to cover up every single day

i need a job with 0 dresscode shits, not customer service/retail style and with good pay without a college degree i dont even wanna redo the 3year training bit for any new thing

I LOVE learning how shit works for anything in any field but dear god does switching jobs seem like a waste of time because before you can make any meaningful money they want to train you for so.fucking.long

understandable but also...i dont have the time the way shit is going i wouldn’t be surprised if we died before getting a whiff of our pension

just lemme actually go have fun in my own style i am in my early 20s ffs, isn’t that like whats supposed to happen or does this only count for people in college (which i dont think i can go into unless i get a higher education which means at LEAST another like year of studying general crap including math which ew before doing anything afaik god I hate this system so much right now)

[hmshermitcraft]

Period has made me vomit twice and major pain rn, so I'm venting it out through blorbos suffering too. Also I'm calling Mumbo a cryptid because idk if shapeshifter is the right word

Every month, the old skin needs to be replaced all at once. Every month, Mumbo hates it.

The immense nausea from a sudden an mass of old and new cells near borders on painful. The thick blood under the peeling skin stains everything. Any activity leads to risk of fainting if the light-headedness didn't already make him stop. Plus the overheating from all the cellular movement happening. Gods the amount of times he's vomited from it all could near be 1:1.

He just stays in a small corner of his house, tarp underneath him and the place cozied up to the best of his abilities right now, waiting the nausea to run its course (and trying not to barf in the process)

~🪶

There's very little the hermits can do to help, which upsets them more than it does Mumbo. It's just... A process. One very little can help.

Mumbo appreciates all the effort they've put in, even so. Getting easily washable covers for furniture so he doesn't have to be uncomfortable. A chest constantly stocked with various health potions and ice packs (they have heaters too.) And he always comes back to find his clothes have been washed and his shops restocked.

He doesn't even know which hermit does it most months. But it feels good, knowing there's less things to worry about on the other side.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!

Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!

Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.

They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.

Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!

Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!

UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(

That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you

Hands you a glass of juice

I got silly with Caines piece

CAINE:

KINGER:

Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human

Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?

Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back

You... have mean thoughts about people...?

Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?

Is this not what being human is about?

Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?

Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance

He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others

Very accommodating, I think

Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to

Very protective of you but even more so after this

[leclerced]

why do I feel like Bunny vents her issues with all of the other guys to Seb? Maybe even moreso than Lando and Oscar because Seb can take the 30,000 foot view of not being in his mid-twenties and having some life experience that a lot of them don’t have

she’s telling him about this one being weird or that one wanting to do something she’s not into sexually and he’s reassuring her that as long as she feels safe and cared for, everything is okay

until she slips and tells him about Oscar taking out his jealousy on her - she knows she shouldn’t be spilling the beans about her actual relationship but it just comes right out, maybe alongside a story about Carlos - and Seb gets serious when he tells her that’s something to keep an eye on, not always bad but can be a harbinger of a relationship dynamic she won’t want down the line

(and that really if she just wants to run away with him, that’s always an option)

i love the idea of her confiding in seb sm !!! im gna talk ab them calling it quits w everyone in this bc it just feels realistic to me rn tbh so if u don’t wanna hear that ! don’t read it. also sorry this is such a mess. i just brain vomited all over this.

so. i kinda like the idea of seb and oscar kinda being friends and confiding in each other too. like they could bond over racing, mark, and bunny at first then realize they have a lot in common and seb’s like another mentor to him. eventually oscar opens up to him about how he feels about bunny bc he doesn’t know who else to talk to, but he’s seen how rough seb can get but he always remains so calm and collected so he knows he’s the guy to talk to. maybe he’d get a little rougher with bunny than usual and even though she’d like it, oscar wouldn’t like the way he lost control a little. he’d tell seb how much he hates thinking about her with anyone else, that he doesn’t feel like he can say anything about it because if or when he does, bunny and lando will leave him bc they’re not done messing around and experimenting. tells seb he wouldn’t have even gotten involved if he knew it would end up with him feeling the way he does because it scares him. not the way he loves bunny more than anything, the way he’d do anything for her. maybe thinks ab hitting someone bc they were flirting w her then reels back and is like, she’s flirting back and lando’s watching and laughing i shouldn’t feel this way. he’d retreat into himself again and just feel awful ab it until he finally can tell seb about it. he’d just keep saying he’s scared of losing lando and bunny but seb tells him if he wants to keep them around he needs to tell them bc thats stuff they need to know.

then, sometime after that, seb assumes they’ve talked about it and he’s mostly forgotten about it until they’re together again. she’s not even thinking about what she’s saying bc she trusts him so much. she’d start telling him about how she thinks it’s sweet that oscar’s so protective over her and seb asks what she means. she explains how he acts ab the other guys and how he gets rougher w her and she likes it, bc while’s usually dominant it’s when lance gives her gifts or she sees carlos that he gets jealous and kinda loses control a little. seb feels some genuine concern for her and feels bad for oscar, realizing that it’s getting worse as time goes on and that oscar’s still not talking to them about their feelings. i think in a way, he’d have some feelings for bunny and that’s why he jokes ab running away with her all the time. he’d be very careful with his words bc he doesn’t know everything, just what oscar told him then and what bunny is now, but he knows that if bunny was his girlfriend, he wouldn’t be letting half the grid look at her, much less fuck her.

he wouldn’t tell her what oscar told him bc it’s not his place, but he would tell her to talk to him and kind of play it as “i think we’re very similar and if i was in his place, or even lando’s, this wouldn’t be happening.” and she’d laugh and be like “well that’s because you never liked sharing silly.” and make a reference to his redbull days. but he’d tell her like “i’m serious. i’m gonna be honest and say i don’t understand why he shares you, like you’re not something to be treasured. i’m not kidding when i say if you ever want to run away… and i know even if he’s not saying it, oscar’s thinking it. i think he’d really do anything for you. you need to think about how he feels, because he won’t or can’t tell you. if he’s showing you in bed by being rougher, he’s taking it out on you. there’s nothing wrong with some rough play but it needs to come from a healthy place, not anger that another man is touching you when all of you have consented. its… something you should think about.”

bunny wouldn’t even know what to say, she’s caught up in the fun of it all and her and lando communicate so well she would kinda just assume because oscar’s not saying anything that he doesn’t feel anything. but hearing seb’s words she actually does start thinking about it and is paying more attention to oscar and less attention to the other drivers. they’d assume she’s on her period or something bc she’s not making plans with any of them. but then it lasts longer than a week.

she’s just spending time with oscar and lando while she thinks about it over the next few days and runs through months of memories. she’d analyze how oscar used to act and is acting. she’d realize how much gentler he is with her after a week of it, bc when he’s domming her normally, he’s not gripping her hips hard enough for his fingertips to bruise the skin so the other men know he touched her first. oscar would never realize he was holding her that hard until afterwards when he was kissing the bruises and apologizing while she’s sighing above him saying she likes the physical reminders of his touch. after hearing that, he wouldn’t be able to tell her how much he hates it because she likes it. but once she stops seeing other driver’s he’s not holding her so tight or manhandling her as often even though she loves when he rearranges her however he wants.

and it’s not just in bed. he’s less tense during the day and is laughing and joking w the other drivers more instead of giving them glares. maybe a lot of little things would slowly change over time without anyone realizing it but as soon as she’s not fooling around with them things kinda go back to how they used to? not fully bc drivers are looking at her longingly wondering why she’s not making any plans but no one would ask about it. they stop sending gifts and stuff without having to be told.

she realizes how much of an effect it has on him and would talk to lando alone first ab the talk she had w seb and how the reason she hasn’t made plans is bc she’s worried ab oscar and that it’s not just like normal possessiveness. lando’s kinda surprised she thinks so bc he doesn’t see it but then she tells him everything in detail. he’d ask her what she wants to do, and she tells him she wants to do whatever oscar wants. the focus has been on her, and only her. they haven’t thought about how oscar feels, just assumed because he’s going along with it that he likes it as much as they do.

oscar would be an anxious mess when bunny asks if they can all talk, assuming the worst, but he can’t deny her anything. they’d be sitting on a couch in one of their hotel rooms, and she’d tell him about her talk with seb and how she’s been thinking about how he feels more, he’d be scared the one person he trusted told them but realize he didn’t and it was just bunny being horny over him roughing her up and seb getting worried like the grid dad he is. bunny tells him, “if this is too much we need to know so we can stop. it’s not fun for us if it’s not fun for you. but we can’t read your mind, so if you don’t tell us, we can’t help you.”

he’d tell them how he feels, all of it, and they’d kind of look sad bc they didn’t realize how much he was thinking and hurting, he generally just seems so relaxed and thoughtless they never realized how fast the gears in his head are turning. they’re silent for a moment when he’s done, waiting for more. in the brief silence he’s expecting them to kick him out until she pulls him into a hug and tells him how much she cares about him. he’d take comfort in her arms and hide his face in her stomach because he doesn’t want to hear what she’s about to say, much less look her in the eye while she tells them they can’t stop so they’re breaking up with him. but then she’d tell him she’s sorry for hurting him, that she didn’t realize what they were doing was hurting him. he’d feel bad about not communicating when he realizes they both really do care about him and wouldn’t dump him over it, she doesn’t really care about the other drivers, not the way she cares for him and lando, it was just fun at first kind of got out of hand. they’d have to find a way to break it to everyone because while they don’t actually need a reason not to be having casual sex w them, they don’t want anyone to feel like they did something wrong or crossed a line when they didn’t. idk what they would do tho.

[yepitshellinsp]

I feel disgustingly sad and I don't know why. Every day is like this. I feel bad, something insignificant raises my spirits and then I go down again. Nothing gives me satisfaction, nothing really makes me happy. I have everything. I have a house, a family that supports me, I have my whims, but nothing is like before, nothing makes me smile genuinely, and instead, now it's just a smile of discomfort. I don't know what to think or say when someone gives me a compliment, so I just say "thank you," and move on with my life, feeling bad for not being so demonstrative with my feelings. I have a normal life, but my head is not. At school, I have friends, I have fun, but I have a classmate, who is my "friend" who makes me feel bad, and he always has a chance. He tells me that I'm fat, that I have a lot of acne, and he tells me that I'm a freak. I return the words, I laugh and forget about it, but when I remember it, I feel shit inside. Because of him I stopped eating a lot, I'm losing a lot of weight, I have anemia and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm a sensitive shit, I cry at everything, I get angry at everything, and do you know who made me think that about myself? The same boy who bothers me. I also don't understand why my friends see me as a psychologist. They have bigger problems than me, and they always turn to me when I already told them that I don't want them to tell me more about their problems. I don't do it because I'm mean, I just don't want them to tell me their problems because I've already tried everything to help them move forward and not drown in their sorrows, but they never listened to me, they never tried to change.

Sometimes I tend to think that my problems aren't big enough to talk about, so I just minimize them and go on with my life as if I weren't screwed up inside. I know that I don't have depression, that it is just a stage of my pre-adolescence, yet, I have always felt like shit, I never felt good inside or out. I was always fat, and they always let me know it, I was always weird, and they always, to this day, let me know it. I don't feel good about myself, my natural sciences teacher hates me because I am not a believer in God, and she is FANATIC, DISGUSTINGLY FANATIC of God, And every time he gets the chance, he talks about God to make me feel uncomfortable. On Wednesday, to be specific, we were learning the Bing Bang Theory, and he started talking about God, saying we didn't come from monkeys, etc. And, personally, I believe that we come from monkeys and that Adam and Eve never existed, and it is all a lie, even so, I respect those who do not share my thoughts. In the end, I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, she said yes, I went and I stayed locked in for less than 5 minutes until the preceptor came and took me out of there. She asked me if I wanted to vomit, and I told her I wanted to cry. She asked me questions and took me to the director, where she got to know me a little better. In general, I'm really uncomfortable talking about religion, especially if it's with someone I don't know, or worse yet, a believer.

Sorry about this, I just needed to vent, and if you want, you can give me some advice or something, I really need it. Thank you.

[duskwood-by-daylight]

Why Pity When You Can Party

Summary: You've finally had enough of everyone and their shit after movie night. This is mostly a poorly written vent.

Lewie x f!MC

Warnings: cursing, not super detailed oral (f receiving), kissing, lots of well placed anger, kinda nsfw

Word count: 1,240ish

A/N: As always, 18+, minors DNI. Don't steal or copy or whatever. Feedback always appreciated. If I forgot a vital tag, let me know.

You're curled on the daybeds, grateful to have a moment away from the loud arguments in the villa. Frankly, you couldn't give a shit less about what's happening between any of them but if you have to hear Grace whine her way through another double standard or Amelia turn another one of her fuck ups into a pity party, or God forbid Marshall say another snide comment about Oz, you might actually vomit on the astroturf.

"Y/N? Is that you?"

"No, Elliot. You're mistaken. It isn't me. But if I was me, I'd tell you to go fuck off someplace."

"Oh." He sounds dismayed, but Elliot is not one to give up. "I just wanted to check up on you. No one had seen you since the end of Movie Night. Are you sure you don't want company?"

Instead of immediately answering, you close your eyes, hiding resolutely beneath the sheet. "...fuck off someplace, El."

There's still chaotic sounds from inside and you wonder if they'll tear the building apart. More footsteps approach but you don't bother to move, neither wanting to see nor hear whoever it is.

"Y/N? Can we talk? It's about Ozzy. What he did really hurt me." Grace. Fucking Grace and her nonsense. On day one, she seemed so pretty and fun, but ever since has proven herself to be more toxic than the pool water at Casa.

Sitting up, you let the cover fall away and glare at her when she steps closer. "Don't sit. Don't stay. Go away. I don't want to talk to you."

"You're being rude."

Anger flares up in your mind and you grab the first thing you can, your water bottle, and fling it in her direction. "Are you deaf? I said go away!"

After a few minutes of peaceful solitude, Lewie comes down and sits on the edge of the bed. "Hey babe. It's just me." He waits half a breath before stretching out beside you and throwing his arm around where he guesses your middle is.

"Lewie, I'm out here so I can be alone."

"I know. I'm out here, being alone with you…and keeping everyone else away."

You smile a little, pressing against him, "Thank you."

"Do you want to talk or do you want quiet?"

You find his hand and squeeze, grateful for his solid warmth beside you. He takes your silence as an answer and cuddles you close. "I'm just so annoyed with everyone, Lew. I'm not having fun today. Movie Night was a drama and that was fine. It's just… everyone is being so stupid. I'm upset with everyone. I hated being at Casa. They made me go to the Hideaway with some pushy idiot and nobody even bothered to ask me. I keep getting dragged into drama that I don't give a shit about… I'm tired and I don't want to talk to any of them."

He kisses the top of your head, "I could tell something was off with you. Want me to tell everyone to fuck off?"

"Just be with me. You're the only person in here who doesn't make me want to rip my hair out."

"Lucky for me. I happen to like your hair." You shift onto your back, letting him join you beneath the sheet. "I like all of you, really."

"Do you now? Mm, how much?"

"Well, let's see." He traces the tip of his finger down your nose and over your lips before kissing you gently. You close your eyes and relax into his touch, his lips trailing down your neck, over your chest, nipping at your stomach, until he stops at the edge of your shorts. "Enough to eat you out on the daybeds in front of everyone if you want."

"Lew!" You hiss in warning, opening your eyes to gaze down at him.

He's grinning up at you, blue eyes wide and innocent, before he starts nuzzling along your leg and you can't help but giggle when his stubble tickles your thigh. "What do you say, babe? You can keep watch, I'll do all the work. Let me kiss it better."

Watching him softly brush his lips against you, whispering pleas into your skin pushes you over the edge and you nod. He eagerly unties your shorts and you glance around the empty yard before letting your eyes fall closed.

How long has it been since you've had this much alone time with Lewie? Too damned long. Then his mouth is on you, strong hands shifting your legs apart and urging one over his shoulder as you press back into the pillows. You arch your hips toward him but still when you hear dishes clatter in the outdoor kitchen. Roberto is walking back inside just as Lewie lays his arm across your waist to pin you in place, letting you know he has absolutely no plans of stopping until he's done.

It isn't long before your orgasm hits, your heel digging into Lewie's back while waves of bliss envelop you. He works you through it, his fingers and tongue slowing when your breathing settles. Everything feels too good and you smile at Lewie when he slides up to join you, looking very proud of his work.

"I needed that as much as you did, baby. Damn, I've missed you."

"And we're not done yet. Come here." Urging him into a needy kiss, you guide him to lay on top of you, already feeling his hardness brush your leg. "I'm gonna take care of you, too." His large hands cup your cheeks, deeply kissing you until a distinct sound, heels clacking on concrete.

Amelia interrupts, "So sorry, but I can pull you for a chat? It'll just be a second."

You break the kiss just long enough to glare at her, "No, but you can go fuck yourself. So try that and then get back to me. Or don't."

"Y/N!"

Rage washes over you. Finally, you've had enough. Interrupting your alone time with Lewie is the final straw. Giving him another kiss, you tap his hip. "Lewie, darling, give me just a second. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

The walk to the fire pit across the lawn might be the shortest you've ever had. Amelia opens her mouth to speak, but you light into her first. "I don't care what you have to say. Just listen. I don't care about Zeph anymore. I don't care about your new snakey crush on whatever boy you perceive as the most dramatic choice. You're so goddamn nosy! Not everything in this place is about you. You're upset that Marshall or Roberto or whoever was a snakey piece of trash? Newsflash, your type is snakey pieces of trash! Embrace your garbage. Not everyone deserves a good guy. Maybe your taste in men is from the universe giving you what you deserve."

Amelia's mouth is open in shock, but she still isn't interrupting, so you continue. "Amelia, unless you're pulling me aside for a chat that directly involves ME in immediate danger of being murdered, I don't want to hear it. We're stuck together 24/7 in here, you can find a better fucking time to talk to me than when I'm literally under my man! Now get the hell away from me! Go find someone else to feel sorry for you. Try Grace. She loves pity."

"Y/N."

"No. Don't want to hear your noise. I'm going to fuck Lewie on the daybeds. I'll see you tomorrow."

[angstyaches]

here is a Shayne and Charlie “first line” - asking on anon because for some reason my requests don’t always go through when I use my account, but this is @lisupanddown

“Later, Shayne had to admit that he hadn’t seen this coming, although with as uptight as Charlie had been lately, he probably should have. “ For Charlie getting sick because of stress over some particular (but not huge) issue that he’d been repressing. Only if you want and feel inspired, of course.

Hi, Lis! Thanks so much for the request 🖤 Time for some more Waters family drama!

Word Count: 855

CW: anxiety, emeto, mention of toxic family members.

AO3

___

Later, Shayne had to admit that he hadn’t seen this coming, although with as uptight as Charlie had been lately, he probably should have. Maybe this could have all been dealt with in good time, and not at the last minute.

Charlie’s breath was ragged as he tugged at the suit jacket that he had been wearing for less than two minutes. The seams pulled tight across his shoulders with every retch that had him doubling over.

“Here – I’ve got it.” Shayne reached for the Charlie’s shoulders. Charlie straightened his back and went slack, breathing deeply and shutting his eyes until Shayne got the jacket off. Now he was standing in his shirtsleeves, which Shayne now realised was far from ideal.

But before Shayne could suggest taking the shirt off too, Charlie clutched the back of the toilet and retched another stream of vomit into the bowl.

Shayne went to hang the suit jacket on one of the hangers that didn’t come free of the wardrobe railing. His hands shook, making the task a more prolonged one than it should have been, especially since he could hear Charlie continuing to be sick in the bathroom.

When Shayne got back, Charlie had a hand pressed to his stomach, and Shayne’s gut pulsed with sympathy before he realised that Charlie was holding his tie in place.

Shayne moved a little closer and slipped his hand around Charlie’s waist. Charlie had spent so long getting himself ready, and looked so polished and fancy, that Shayne almost felt as though he shouldn’t touch him and risk wrecking anything.

“Thank you,” Charlie whispered. He leaned forward with his hands on his knees, now that he didn’t have to worry about the tie. He let out a tight, quiet belch, and a groan. “Shit. Are we going to be late?”

“No,” Shayne said, even though he had no idea of the exact time. At least nobody was blowing up Charlie’s phone to say they were waiting in the lobby – yet. He tugged Charlie’s tie up over his shoulder, but still kept one hand on Charlie’s stomach. “Just… take your time. You're fine.”

“I don’t want to go,” Charlie groaned. His body shuddered with a dry retch.

He had said the exact same thing the night before, when they’d been casually discussing how many of Charlie’s unbearable relatives Jonathan had invited to Belle's christening. Shayne had thought that Charlie had just been venting; he hadn’t realised that his anxiety had been this bad.

Shayne looked at the glossy blue and navy pattern on Charlie's tie, held over Charlie's shoulder. Charlie had struggled with it earlier that morning, and had cursed at himself in the mirror and worked himself into a Charlie Two-level rage.

Shayne had kissed him and calmed him down and offered to tie it for him, which Charlie had listlessly agreed to. Shayne had been willing to accept that Charlie would be in a better mood after some breakfast and coffee.

Should have seen it. Shayne's chest felt tight, but he fought the weight of the guilt and tried to focus on what he could do. He knew Charlie wasn’t serious about not going; Shayne knew he couldn’t suggest skipping the church, not without suggesting that Charlie decline being Belle’s godfather. And that would break Charlie’s heart.

“Ugh.” Charlie stood and put his hand on Shayne’s, pressing them both into his tummy. He let out a strangled groan.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

Charlie sighed. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just wish my stomach would stop doing backflips.”

Shayne let go of Charlie's tie and wrapped Charlie in a hug. Even after being sick, Charlie smelled strongly of aftershave and hair gel.

“Careful – I don’t know how clean my shirt is anymore,” Charlie murmured sadly.

“You’re fine.”

“Mmmm.” Charlie pressed his forehead to Shayne’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never used to be this stressed about seeing them.”

“I’ll be there, too.”

“I know,” Charlie groaned, as though that weren’t a reassurance, but a complaint. He gestured towards the bed. “If you want to just stay here and avoid dealing with all of them, I’ll understand.”

“Did you throw up your last brain cell? I’m not doing that.”

Charlie nodded. “Just make sure you sit with my mum in the church, okay?”

“’Course,” Shayne said, not only because Charlie had already told him to do so several times. He’d seen how uncomfortable Ingrid got at big Waters family gatherings, and was starting to allow himself to think she appreciated his company.

A buzzing rang out through the room; Charlie had left his phone sitting in front of the TV.

Charlie sniffled as he pulled back from the hug. “Shit.”

“You,” Shayne said, planting his hands on Charlie’s shoulders, “keep getting ready. But take your time.”

Charlie’s gaze wandered towards his phone. “But Jon’s gonna fucking yell at me –”

“I’ll answer it.” Shayne drew a breath. “Let him yell at me.”

“Aw.” A smile cracked through Charlie’s queasy expression. He smoothed down his tie against his belly as Shayne walked away from him. “That’s weirdly romantic.”

[d20-lesbian]

🐈‍⬛🖤INTRO POST🖤🐦‍⬛

I'm finally making an intro post! under the break you will find everything from DNI to Hyperfixations/Interests, plus a new tagging system I'll be using so my blog isn't such a wasteland <33 Enjoy

alright lets start with some info!

My name is Onyx

I'm a non binary lesbian

I use they/xe/it and a bunch of neopronouns

I identify with a bunch of xenogenders!

I flip from hyperfixation to hyperfixation super easily but my special interests are musical theatre and psychology/mental illness. (2 very different things i know).

I'm 18 years old and Australian :3

before you follow !

I might spam reblog sometimes, but I'll have all reblogs tagged so you can mute that if you like.

I'm always happy to receive asks and such, anonymous or not!! please i want mutuals ;-;.

i might vent at times, nothing too serious of course and always properly tagged.

Just keep this in mind!

DNI IF:

- you fall into basic DNI criteria (homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc.)

- you're pro-ana or pro-sh as I'm in recovery for both of these.

- you're a proshipper

- you're under 12

- you're a Monika apologist (DDLC)

- you fake claim

- you're anti neopronouns/xenogenders

some of my triggers are ,

vomit, in any way, this is my biggest one!! i have very severe emetephobia and dont really even like the word.

IRL sans hoodies/blue jackets that look similar to that.

Sayoris death scene from DDLC

i love musical theatre, rock/metal music, LGBTQIA+ advocacy, mental health advocacy, psychology, dungeons and dragons/other TTRPGs and witchy stuff :3

I'm in a lot of fandoms, including !

DDLC, Dimension 20 (fantasy high), Danganronpa, Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, Ride The Cyclone, SIX, Beetlejuice, Hamilton, Heathers, Vocaloid, Sanrio, Unus Annus, TBHK, MLP, FNAF, Marvel, NITW, Pokemon, Supernatural, Markiplier egos, WKM, ADWM, AHWM, ISWM, Jacksepticeye egos, Doctor Who, Starkid, The Hatchetfield Trilogy AND MANY MORE I CANT REMEMBER RN!!

this section will update every now and then with whatever I'm hyperfixating on !! right now its;

will wood/will wood and the tapeworms!!!

I kin !

Sayori (DDLC)

Kokichi (DRV3)

Angeldust (HH)

Jane Doe (RTC)

Fave characters are !

All kins <3

Ibuki Mioda (DRV2)

Emu Otori (PJSK)

Celestia Ludenberg (DRV1)

Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg (RTC)

Kuromi (Sanrio)

Kristen Applebees (D20)

Figueroth Faeth (D20)

im gonna introduce a tagging system to make my blog less of a messy hellscape!!

reblogs will be tagged with #onyx rbs

me yelling about fandoms will be tagged with #onyx fandom posting

vents will be tagged with #onyx sad

more serious posts will be tagged with #onyx serious

random shit/rambles will be tagged with #onyx is rambling

answering asks will be tagged with #onyx answers asks

heres some stuff that doesn't fit into any of the previous categories!

my favourite mutuals are @frogsareallgay , @elias-pluto , @tumbletryr and @teslapenguini !!

My favourite animals are black cats, crows/ravens, moths and bats! and i identify heavily with black cats specifically!! (im the real black cat gf sorrry not sorry >:3)

Some of the neopronouns i use are :3

glitch/void/moon/star/spirit/crow/moth/hallow/cat/kit/arcade/wisp

heres some links to my other socials !!

Insta: rock_lesbian

Twitter: Dnd_Lesbian

Discord: onyxjae

Pinterest: Onyx Jae

Carrd: Onyx Jae's Carrd

Spacehey: Onyx Jae

anyway, to close out, thank you for reading through all of this!! i hope you enjoy your stay on my blog !!! love yall <33

[alabasterandpitch]

This is probably gonna end up a garbled word salad. I'm just vomiting my insecurities, please don't take this too seriously

Realtalk, the Tumblr community is a wonderful place to find like-minded folks who share your fucked up interests and obsessions and mental illnesses, and it's honestly really nice to share that with someone as I start down the neuro-questioning rabbit hole myself. I don't think I really appreciated how closed-off I'd let that part of myself get these last few years.

But shit if this site doesn't make me feel like hot garbage as a (semi)straight man sometimes. And on some level I get it; even if we're not all oppressive agents of The Patriarchy™, there's a lot of privilege being seen as part of the in-group of society's Default Setting™. Even though I don't really fit the typical ideal of masculinity in a lot of ways, I'm still spared a tremendous amount of grief purely by virtue of being visibly male-presenting, so I'm hardly the target-demographic on Tumblr. I have my own axe to grind with societal perceptions and expectations of masculinity, but we'll save that for another day.

Tumblr is a community that focuses on uplifting and empowering marginalized groups and bringing together artists and weirdoes and eccentrics and people who might otherwise feel utterly isolated and alone, and that's such an amazing and laudable thing. I think it's more necessary than ever in the world today to have communities that celebrate all sorts of marginalized people that we don't see reflected in Mainstream Society's version of things, whether they be LGBTQ+, POC, ND, or anyone who wants to break free from the box of restrictive societal norms they feel trapped by.

Believe me, the absolute last thing I wanna do as a straight(ish) cis man is show up at The Designated LGBTQ+ Hellsite™ and start whining: 'bUt WhAt AbOuT mE?1?!?'.' But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel a little shitty sometimes to rediscover such a vibrant community of people I can actually relate to, who makes my weird brain feel a little less alone, only to feel like I stumbled uninvited into a party nobody wants me at.

I guess I often don't feel like I'm intrinsically desirable as a man on the scrawny, introverted end of the spectrum (hardy har), and I know that's on me to deal with in therapy.

It would just be nice to see a little more male-positivity

To all the lads, boys, men -- whatever word you want! -- out there, you're fuckin killin' it dude and I'm goddamn proud of you. Don't hesitate to check in with yourself and dump out all the emotional shit from time to time, and for the love of all that is holy, don't give yourself a second less time and love than you would give to your dearest friend in need.

My asks are always open if you wanna vent to someone who knows the struggle.

[dowiththatwhatyouwill]

I Won't Hurt You: Isle of Dogs Inspired Hyper-Specific Imagine

This started as like three thoughts that quickly spiraled into a lengthy almost-essay of word vomit. Written for my younger sibling, cousin, and co. but also for myself. Might not be relatable for everyone, but maybe you'll enjoy it anyway.

This whole soundtrack is amazing, but this track sparked something in me. "I don't know why I bite" is the perfect intersection between having trauma, being trans, and being neurodivergent and mentally ill to me. And then this song: "I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you"

Disclaimer: I do not headcanon Chief as trans, neurodivergent, etc. but nor is there anything wrong with any of these states of being. This is just a flow of consciousness half reflecting on Chief's journey and half contemplating the intersectionality of personhood with a dash of venting on top. Also I wrote most of this at work so it might not make total sense lol

You're Chief. You're not a violent dog--even though your friends think you are--and you don't know why you bite. You're different though, you know that. You're told there's something wrong with you. Maybe they're right. You have trauma. You're trans. You're neurodivergent and mentally ill. Sick. A life waster. You aren't like the others and they know this. They don't say as much, but you dare them to say it:

You're a stray.

You live on the streets, you expect you'll die on the streets. You've had a hard life, and you suppose you're more or less used to it. You don't have the strength nor the desire to change who you are to fit into what society expects you to be.

"I've lost all of my pride." Not that you had any to begin with.

You're disobedient. You do not like being told what to do. You don't even fit in with the other strays. On some level you understand, logically, why you are the way you are: all parts of yourself come together in a potent mix of suffering. "Torn apart by a fiery wheel inside me," and yet "I don't know why I bite."

Part of you is fine with being an outcast. After all, you've made it this far. You don't even feel this way all the time. Once in a while someone will try to pet you. It doesn't happen often, and there's no malice to it. You don't know why they're trying, but there's probably a reason. So you bite. You aren't sure why. It's just part of who you are now.

Maybe you're afraid. They're normal, and the simultaneous proximity and distance to that normalcy scares you. They might hurt you today, soft touches turning to claws and chains and a cold dark cage; or they could hurt you later, by seeing you and abandoning you as does each that has the misfortune of knowing you. It keeps happening, and you say you're fine, so your friends think you are. After all, you've made it this far.

None of your relationships last very long. You're hard to be around, you know that. But you don't mean to bite. You seem to have an innate ability to drive people away without meaning to--family, friends, potential lovers.

But then someone comes around and despite your warnings--I bite--they don't leave. You make it clear you don't want them here--I am not your pet, I never liked you, I don't care about you, I won't wait for you--and they seem to sense that you don't actually want to be alone.

"I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you," they say, with more patience than you've ever known. They promise over and over again because for some reason you need to hear it. They just... know.

"My rainbow, how good it is to know you're like me."

They give you a bath. They swab at your sores, clean your wounds, and brush your fur. You growl while they do it, even when it doesn't hurt, but you still feel better after. You aren't used to anyone touching you, but this person has reached inside you and found that tiny glimmer of light left tucked somewhere under your heart. This is someone worth taking the effort not to bite, you think.

It doesn't fix everything, of course. You'll never be normal. But having someone who loves you unconditionally, even on the days you can't help but bite, makes it easier to bear the weight of who and what you are. So maybe it's alright to be a stray, to be lost. In any case, now there's someone around to find you again.

"I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you," you say. You have to reassure them, even when they say you don't have to, that you never want to hurt them. You're begging them to understand. You have claws and fangs and you've had to use them, but "I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you."

Maybe you're still waiting for that person. But it's nice to imagine they're out there, even if most of the time you don't believe it.

[yelena-bellova]

Hi!!

2- Headcanon Another headcanon. please of Keeley telling Rebecca about her break-up with Roy- kinda miffed we didn’t see that.

I loved your last Headcanon ☺️

I LOVE this one!! I too was miffed we didn’t get to see the breakup/Rebecca’s reaction. Then again, it may have hurt even worse 😭

So my headcanon for how Keeley and Roy broke up is Roy began to pull away, Keeley noticed but didn’t bring it up, eventually it got to a point where she flat out told him he was doing it and that’s when he broke up with her. He didn’t give her a real reason (hence why Keeley felt like she’d done something wrong/contributed to it) and just ended it.

Leading us to the next day…(this is also pre-KJPR’s official opening)

Since the season’s over, Rebecca’s off-duty and at home that weekend.

Typically on Saturday mornings, there’s a text from Keeley about something, but not that day.

Rebecca decides to text her instead. Some meme or something to do with her breakfast.

No answer.

Rebecca doesn’t grow worried because Keeley’s probably with Roy.

It’s not till a few hours later that she gets concerned.

She sends another text jokingly asking where she is.

No response.

She sends one more.

Nothing.

She calls.

No answer.

Finally, Rebecca gets truly concerned and drives over to Keeley’s place.

When Keeley answers the door, she’s a snotty, puffy, red eyed mess in her pajamas.

This leads to a couch conversation where Keeley’s cuddled in Rebecca’s arms like a baby kangaroo and word vomiting the whole chain of events back to her.

Rebecca’s supportive, of course, but is also fighting the urge to power walk to her car, beat down Roy’s door and scream at him.

There’s not much that she can actually do, but when Keeley says that everywhere she looks, she’s seeing Roy (this is less than 24 hours after so his shit is everywhere) Rebecca tells her to pack a bag because she’s staying with her for the night.

Keeley tries to argue and say that she’s a big girl but dissolves into another fit of tears before she can finish.

Keeley vents, yells and cries the whole night, there’s a lot of wine and chocolate involved and Rebecca supports her through all of it.

They end up sleeping in the same bed like little kids and while nothing’s fixed, Keeley wakes up the next morning feeling like even though everything sucks, she’s got one person who isn’t going to leave her 💖

[faunabel]

bleh. vent. sorry.

man...... i don't usually compare myself to others but being around ppl who love historical hetalia and talk abt their in depth thoughts makes me feel so Inferior

like i'm just too stupid and silly and dumb to come up with anything like that and stick to simpler stuff

i know this stems entirely from being around Toxic historical hetalia fans in the past who'd shit on canon nonstop and made me rly hate myself for... u know. following canon.

i like to follow canon and try to combine it with history to make sense but i just ugh. i feel dumb. i feel incompetent and stop myself from even doing it to try and preemptively avoid being attacked

the fandom is smaller now which makes me even more anxious? because there r less people so i'm more likely to be found by Mean People and there r also less people who Get Me to try and find

anyway sorry i just needed to vent. i wish i was more comfortable in myself but i feel like i'm always using all my energy to not be targeted that i forget how to even exist. sometimes i really do. people ask me things and my brain goes blank. all i can think about is what do they want? what do they expect from me? how can i be what they want from me? i completely lose access to who i am and what i want because i don't feel safe wanting or needing or being a person. i just need to be a doll who submits to them so i don't get hurt.

i want to be one of those people who just shares their thoughts no matter how self indulgent but i feel so embarrassed. eugh. even with non-self indulgent things. liking things is embarrassing. exposing my thoughts is too vulnerable.

i'm slowly exposing myself to try and get more comfortable but i wish! i could just be comfortable now!!!!!! and not expend so much of my limited energy just sharing my thoughts. trauma processing takes too long.

ugh. oh the need to belong but the fear of being seen. people have just been so mean to me and i'm struggling to accept that it was in the past. not currently happening. but i don't want it to happen again :/ and on tumblr, unlike other social media, it's so easy to find old posts, so it just makes me uncomfortable that my posts won't Die In The Void u know? blahblah how my thought process works word vomit self contradiction as i figure out my words and so on

i just. hate being such an outlier in things. i wish i could be normal and like normal things and have friends who like the things i like. but i'm weird and nobody gets it and i'm sad. i hate being alone. i don't wanna be alone. i hope someday i can meet people who like the same things i like or are open to the idea. my silly fantasy is to live in a world where i'm just. normal. i actually see myself in others. and people are like me. i'm like them. no more floating aimlessly like a bird who fell from its nest.

i am holding out on hope but rn i wanna cry so i'm gonna go do that

gonna manifest away this avpd i swear........ it's ruining me. u ruined my child and teen years. i beg u. let me try to find happiness now. time goes on and i lose time and it scares me.

[randomnameless]

Hiii I'm the one who sent the crest removal ask ages ago. Had to do a double take when I saw it LOL I forgot I vented in your inbox!

I would like to clarify that the giant word vomit I sent was mainly to explain why I had no issue with Crest removal existing as an option for humans since IMO it never truly belonged to them. That said, I don't believe the procedure should be forced on all crest bearing humans.

I mainly see it as an option for 2 scenarios.

1. Someone wants their own crest removed.

Maybe they hate their crest or maybe their crest is killing them. Whatever their reasons, If they want it gone they should have the option to get it removed. Id argue that people should be allowed to make decisions about their own body and health. Like you can be born with something and hate it and get the option to remove it. More power to ya, harms no one. At best itll piss off the people who think you shouldn't get to decide what to do with your body. Personally I can see Marianne, Sylvain, Lysithea wanting it removed.

2. Someone who blatantly abuses their crests/power.

You could argue that it's blood and that's biological and thus it's always unethical to remove it from someone.

Id argue that In Fodlan, humans view crests as more than just special blood they inherited. It's a tool, a commodity, a weapon , a status symbol. it is tangible power. So it should be treated as such.

Is it unethical to forcibly remove a humans crest when they have shown themselves to be corrupt ? To remove power from those who would abuse it ? to remove a weapon from someone who would harm others with it ?

Perhaps it is unethical, But IMO its even more unethical to let those who blatantly abuse such power keep that power when you know you can remove it.

A similar example would be from Avatar the last Airbender. when Aang chose to remove fire lord Ozai's ability to firebend instead of ending his life, thus ending the hundred year war. You can argue that this is unethical, but IMO it's the lesser evil.

If Edelgard couldn't be killed for whatever reason, the double crests should be removed (among other things ofc! Humans don't need crests to be genocidal assholes, but removing a warmongers superpowers means one less thing for the world to worry about.)

Ultimately, It's not about punishing descendants for the crimes of their ancestors, it's about the crimes they are guilty of commiting and preventing them from doing it again.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to respond to my ask! it's fun to hear your thoughts on it. And sorry for word vomitting into your ask box a second time ><

No pbs anon!

it's part my fault for taking so long to reply lol

In 1. That would be good, even if bar the ones who have two crests, I wonder who would like to have their crest removed.

Maybe Sylvain, once everything with Sreng is settled so there's no need to keep a military force on the border? But it depends on their good-will and, sadly, with the history Fodlan has I'm not sure a lot of people would like to have them removed lol

Option 2 though...

Bar the usual "who gets to decide", we're back to the "an eye for an eye" stuff, part of the reasoning why some people had their hands chopped when they were found out guilty of thieving is because they used said hands to steal.

But yeah, as a punition for abusing said power, maybe crests could be removed - sorry for not having understood in your earlier ask the fact you meant crest removal as a punition for someone's own crimes and actions, and not payback for what Momo or Goneril did eons ago!

As you said though, removing crests wouldn't solve everything, Supreme Leader would still try to MAGA without her crest, Miklan doing bandit things did them without a crest, etc etc.

We still face the issue of Nabateans - what if they abuse their power for some reason (or are accused of doing so) - and the "crest removal" process results in their death? We would still have this biological difference between Nabateans, and humans.

Granted, I like situation 1 because in an AU where this possibility exists, maybe some characters would have realised they barked at the wrong tree, like, take Sylvain for instance, crying because women want to marry him due to his crest - crest removed, so women won't try to court him, right?

Well, no, because Sylvain is still the son of one of the most prestigious families in Faerghus, so crest or no crest, he has expectactions to met, and will be seen as a higher "prize" by some people than Garfield the cart driver.

[marcyclone]

new hc + ships post bc my old one was long and unorganised

im going to be organising them by fandom so you can pick out the ones you actually care about and adding more on as i inevitably get into more musicals and i’ll try to keep it shorter than last time for each category ok go:

Ride the Cyclone🎢

ships:

SPACERAPS!! perfectsugardolls (separate or poly), nischa, oscha kinda cute ngl wiggles my eyebrows at it, lambcest

head(lol)canons:

(Per character)

Ocean: trans (masc or fem depending on my mood), undiagnosed mental disability, parents are abusive, developed anorexia because there’s never any food at her house. loves animals, becomes stressed if she feels like she doesn’t have control over her surroundings, can’t cook because no one taught her how, scratches her arms habitually, has abundant arm hair regardless of agab

Noel: views ocean as a little sister, insults people to show affection, his mother is an alcoholic and extremely homophobic and has intentionally frightened him with threats of aids if he does as much as kiss another man. picks at his cuticles a lot, also doesn’t know how to cook but is trying to self teach so he can provide for ocean

Mischa: talia is wicked abusive, his parents prefer not to even see him, he essentially vaporises the thought of potentially being bisexual before it even crosses his mind. the more hats he’s wearing at once, the more hyper he is. forward facing hat means trouble.

Penny: autistic, doesn’t think even once before speaking, says things that are usually rude or out of pocket or straight up disturbing and morally reprehensible without even thinking, has a slew of fucked up sexual fantasies due to her exposure to similar things in the commune, self harms to control her restlessness and less to cope with depression, DOES know how to cook

Ricky: pansexual, hyper, teases and makes snarky comments to show affection, gets snippy with ocean too easily, very sexual person in general, craves and requires physical affection, becomes absolutely overjoyed when anyone includes him in anything

Constance: allergic to cats, lesbian but refuses to label herself because she thinks lesbian is a bad word, burns herself on the café kitchen appliances, lips are often swollen due to biting, has gotten a lot quieter and more reserved over time since ocean made the choir

Heathers❤️💛💚💙

Ships:

JDronica, chansaw, mac x Veronica, mac x duke (if you think im going to write the actual ship names with my own two thumbs you’re wrong), Kurt x ram??? kum???

Headcanons:

Veronica: sits really weird, every time she sits on a wide seat like her bed or a sofa she sits butterfly legged with the soles of her feet pressed together, started saying ‘very’ ironically to mock chandler and it ended up becoming part of her vocabulary, has an affection for reptiles, wants a monitor lizard desperately, throws things when she’s upset, likes to hear things make loud noises

Chandler: only actually likes veronica, really she just tolérâtes her, low-key admires Veronica because Veronica is a senior, there’s no motive for her personality she just is actually an asshole, needs to be in control and if she isn’t she freaks the fuck out, ‘tried out’ bulimia too because she was honestly jealous of dukes figure, now has a vomit kink

Mac: transfem, is technically above duke in the pecking order but acts like she’s at the bottom, cuts her ankles only and picks her skin off all over her body, tends to get anxious when she feels literally any extreme emotion, terrified of chandler and would probably be a really funny person to be around if she wasn’t trapped under chandlers thumb, lets duke spend time with her bird

Duke: constantly jealous of everyone around her, miserable home life, abusive parents AND brother, wants to have pets but her parents won’t let her, vents to Tweety to the point he has become her personal therapist and she will literally break into Mac’s bedroom just to talk to him, likes to draw but no one cares or shows interest so she doesn’t do it even though she’s really good at it

JD: he’s literally just insane, dad is orin scrivello (joking… kind of; he is in spirit), works out excessively to the point he overexhausts his body, really likes winter, likes ice in general, his pet hamster is named Pringle and is the only reason he stays on this god forsaken planet, id give him a sexuality but honestly he just likes anyone he can abuse and take control over, consent? who’s that?

Mean Girls🔥📔

Ships:

Regina x Gretchen, Janis x Kevin is low-key cute af, Cady x Gretchen, Karen x Seth (JOKING)

Headcanons:

Regina: has a bit of repressed homosexuality at any given time but it doesn’t affect her too much, actual hypersexual but in the unhealthy way, physically, sexually and mentally abusive and manipulative towards Gretchen specifically, actually enjoys being insulted and degraded, genuinely loves animals

Gretchen: will put up with anything from Regina as long as she gets praise from her, very easily manipulated, "straight" but will fold for anyone with authority over her, acts sexual to fit in with Regina but doesn’t really like sex in general, will literally be raped by whoever is in charge of her and thank them afterwards

Karen: is actually just having fun, has no idea how she got in the clique, she’s just being silly, no clue where she is most of the time, likes dogs, she’s a pretty sexual person but she switches between owning it and being embarrassed of if, confident in her abilities to do anything which actually makes her really great at picking up new hobbies

Cady: observing animals has given her an insatiable desire to lead a pack, really likes monkeys, very autistic, makes jokes that no one fucking understands because she sounds like this🤓, is also abusive to Gretchen when she’s in charge of her but a lot less than Regina (she doesn’t rape her is basically the only difference)

[fearthetallman]

Krang Pie Chapter 8

Warnings: venting, physical family fights, dubious intentions, torture

[First][Prev][next]

Chapter 8

It wasn’t exactly the middle of the night when Leo appeared outside Mikey’s door, but for the sleepy box turtle, it may as well have been. He blearily noticed the 11PM flashing on his half-buried alarm clock before stumbling towards his brother. As soon as he pulled the curtain open, he saw Leo staring at him with almost terrified eyes. He was trembling like a puppy in the rain, his body hunched over.

“I-I’m sorry for waking you up, Mikey.” Pain flashed in his eyes as he turned to leave. “It’s nothing. I can tell you tomorrow.”

Mikey grabbed his brother’s arm without even having to think about it. Any tiredness vanished from his body from finally reaching the moment he had dreamed about for so long. “Leo. Wait. What’s up?”

Leo looked back at him, desperation and worry evident on his face. He was rarely this serious or this vulnerable. Mikey wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t even know where to start.

“I…Can I come in? I don’t want the others to hear this.” Leo’s voice was so soft it was basically a whisper. He avoided eye contact like he was asking for something shameful.

There was something nagging at Mikey, some reason he shouldn’t let Leo in, but he ignored it. Nothing was more important than his brother.

They sat down on the bed, Leo sinking a little more than Mikey did. Leo rubbed his arm, looking around the room nervously. “Wow. Been a while since I was in here last. Love how you kept everything exactly the same.” He chuckled.

Mikey could tell that his brother was working himself up to what he really wanted to say. That’s just how he was in serious situations sometimes. Trying to make everyone laugh.

Leo sighed heavily, glancing at Mikey before looking away again. “I just…wanted to say thanks. Thanks for sticking up for me back there. With the whole…dumb vegetarian thing or whatever.” He waved his hand vaguely, trying to make it sound less of a big deal as it was to him.

Mikey smiled. “Of course. Whatever reasons you had for it, I’m here to support you.”

Leo’s breath caught, his chest heaving a bit. He had a brief smile before looking away again. Blinked his eyes quickly, clearing his throat. “Thanks. I really needed that.”

Mikey half expected the heartfelt moment to end there but Leo wasn’t finished. He fidgeted with his hands in his laps, looking at them as if he needed to concentrate on them.

“Can I…tell you why I’m doing this whole ‘no meat’ thing?” His voice shook even though it was obvious he was trying to keep it steady.

“Yeah. Why did you do it?” He wanted to talk as little as possible. To just be there to listen to Leo.

It took another long moment of struggling to hold back tears for Leo to speak again. “I had nightmares. Have, I mean. They’re still going on, obviously.”

Mikey waited for him to continue.

“In…my dream, I’m back at home with you guys. Here. And everything seems like it’s fine. I’ll do something like eat breakfast or make a sandwich. But when I bite into it…” Another sharp breath. “It’s krang. It feels like I’m eating krang.”

That’s when Mikey remembered. Remembered what’s in the closet.

“And it’s not just a little bit, like I take one bite or anything.” Leo’s explanation picks up speed, like he couldn’t stop the word vomit. “It’s everywhere in my mouth. My entire mouth turns into krang and I start choking on it. It suffocates me and I can still taste…”

Mikey’s heart froze in fear when Leo trailed off. Did he pick up on it? Mikey glanced at the closet. Still closed, no alien in sight. But it wouldn’t take much for the creature to announce its presence. Whenever he glanced back at his brother, however, he sees Leo broke down in tears. Mikey floundered for a moment, caught off guard after not paying attention, before he remembered what to do and wraps his arms around Leo.

Leo resisted at first, trying to scrub away his tears with the heel of his palm but they flowed too fast. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying over something so stupid.” His voice was broken, still trying to sound normal and not like the sobbing he’s doing.

“It’s okay. You don’t need a good enough reason to cry.” Mikey’s chest felt warm with the overwhelming emotions, both from love and from the pain Leo was going through.

His older brother didn’t need more of a push, crying into his shoulder and clutching onto him like a little child. It had been years since he’d seen Leo breakdown like this. Even longer since Leo turned to him for comfort. Mikey held him tight, making sure Leo knew that he was there for him.

The crying finally slows down until it's just a sniffle and Leo finally pulled away. His older brother wipes at the few remaining tears falling, giving a nasally chuckle. "Sorry. That's really embarrassing how I just broke down like that."

"It's okay. It's nothing to be embarrassed of." His words felt rehearsed even though he meant them. Or at least he thought he did.

"Yeah. Thank you." He looked away. "I wouldn't usually bother you with this but...I just know Donnie and Raph wouldn't understand."

Leo looked back up at him, a hint of guilt in his eyes. "Hey Mikey. Can I tell you something? You just have to promise you won't be upset."

Mikey could already hazard a guess at what he wanted to confess. He smiled. "Sure. You can tell me anything, Leo."

"Okay. Me, Donnie and Raph have had a kind of...group session in the night sometimes. A lot of us still suffer from nightmares and flashbacks which make sleeping through the night hard." Leo rubbed the back of his neck. "We didn't want to tell you because...well, at least you were sleeping through the night. Raph said we shouldn't burden you with this if we didn't have to."

Knowing Raph, he likely said that Mikey needed to be protected from the others' troubles. Like he was some infant that couldn't fend for itself or understand emotions. Mikey swallowed back the rage. "You did?"

"I swear we didn't mean anything bad by not including you, Mikey." Leo kept eye contact, his words serious even if Mikey could still pick up on the softly cushioned truth. "I know you're more than capable of helping us. You're smart, okay? And I knew I probably should have gone to Raph and Donnie like before but I just...couldn't stand the idea about them joking around about this. Even if I know they didn't mean to make it hurt..."

Tears started pooling in Leo's eyes again and he looked way. Mikey finished his sentence for him. "Even if they don't mean for it to hurt, it still does."

Silently, Leo nodded. "Please don't be mad we never told you."

Mikey wasn't mad. He was furious. His suspicions were true. They had intentionally cut him out because they thought he couldn't handle it. That he was weak. But on the outside, Mikey just smiled. "It’s okay. I'm sure you had your reasons and at least you told me now." He knew what he was supposed to say. How he was supposed to react.

His brother sighed in relief, getting up from the bed. "Thank you. I know I don't say it a lot but...I really appreciate you."

They stood in the doorway, giving one final although still a little awkward hug. "Make sure you get some sleep, okay, Leo?"

Leo smiled. "Yeah. I'll try my best."

Which was basically a 'maybe.' But he decided not to push the issue. They finally parted.

Once he was alone, however, Mikey could feel the full extent of his rage. He had been right about everything. How dare they? Treating him like some pathetic and weak insect?

The rage burned in his chest and head, moving to his limbs until he couldn't sit still. He paced, every thought fueling the fire.

Raph had always babied him. Treated him like he was ten years younger instead of two. Like he always knew what was best for him. And Donnie? That hurt the worst. He thought they were friends. Best friends, even. He'd thought the krang invasion had brought them closer but now he could see it only tore them apart. How could they? Conspiring against him.

The fury heated his insides, making his vision red. He would show them. He would make them respect him. No. He would have his revenge.

Mikey notices something in his hand, something cold and almost an extension of his anger. Not any of his weapons but something deadly all the same.

He had picked up the kitchen knife.

A moment of clarity, confusion and horror hit him and the knife chatters to the ground. What had he just been thinking? Of using the knife against Raph and Donnie?

His heart pounded and he almost felt like he was going to be sick. He backed away from the knife as if it was a live snake. He hadn't even remembered picking it up. He shook his head, trying to clear it. No. No. This wasn't him. He would never hurt his brothers. Even if they hurt him.

He quickly climbed into bed, hoping some sleep would help put things onto perspective again and would calm him down. But throughout his slip, he hadn't noticed that the krang in his closet had been eerily silent.

***

The next morning while they ate cereal out of the box and watched trash TV, they got a phone call from Dad and April on Raph’s phone. They all nearly dogpiled on Raph’s phone. Raph held his arm up high even as his brothers crowded all around him, jumping and grabbing for the phone.

“Not fair, Raph!” Leo complained.

“Why is Dad calling you and not me?” Donnie asked, reaching but not able to grab the phone.

“Because I’m the oldest.” Raph laughed, accepting the facetime and finally lowering his phone so everyone could see.

April and a very unflattering angle of Splinter filled the screen. “Hello, boys! How are you doing?”

A chorus of “dad!” went off, all the brothers talking over each other.

“How is London?” Mikey asked.

“Did you see any of the Foot?” Leo asked, posing in a fake ninja pose he’d seen in the movies, nearly elbowing Donnie in the face.

“London is great!” April answered. “And nothing much for now. We’ve done more sightseeing than fighting.”

Another few exclamations at hearing April go off.

“How is my tech? Are you keeping my baby safe?” Donnie asked, moving his face closer to the screen and crowding nearly everyone else. He had sent some tech thingy with her or whatever. Mikey couldn’t be bothered to remember.

Raph nearly lost his grip on his phone, his hands fumbling when Donnie shoved so close. “Hey! Watch my precious baby.”

Mikey batted his eyes in as innocent and adorable as he could, hoping to distract Raph to steal the phone. “But I thought I was your precious baby!”

Raph faltered a moment, guilt on his face, trying to stutter out an answer. But Leo beat him to it, snatching the phone away from his older brother.

“Haha! Leon wins again!” He yelled, running off with the phone, his brothers running after him.

“I knew we should have kept the shock collar!” Donnie growled as he ran. Mikey knew that was a joke.

Pretty sure.

Leo made it to the bathroom, the only room with a lock, hiding in there, his back pressed against the door to keep them all out as long as possible.

“Leo!” Raph tried the handle, but it was no use. “Don’t make me break this door down!”

The blue one as Dad would call him was close enough that they could still hear Dad and April through the door. He was still laughing, obviously having the time of his life as he kept them out. As angry as Mikey was, he knew it was still just a game to him. His brothers did not share the same sentiment.

“Leo, open the door. This isn’t the time to be annoying!” Donnie kicked at the door.

“Only if you say please.” His tone was not helping.

“Leo!” Raph’s voice made Mikey take a step back. The snapping turtle’s gaze was murderous. Mikey could feel anxiety simmering in him.

“Raph, calm down. Leo is just playing around.” Mikey tried to soothe him. He could see it wasn’t doing any good.

It happened like a series of snapshots for Mikey. First picture, Leo laughing, but still going to unlock the door. But not fast enough. Next picture, Raph reached for the door. Reached to rip the door right off its hinges. Then Mikey reached out to try and stop him. The last picture was Raph reacting to his touch. The murderous glare turned onto Mikey.

Raph didn’t try to hit him. He saw that in how Raph’s face softened when he recognized his little brother.

But Mikey didn’t react like his brother was backing down. He acted in rage. All he could see was the brother who lied to him, who infantilized him. And he hated him. He almost lost complete control of his body. His fist wasn’t his. It was someone else who punched Raph on his shell armored stomach.

It wasn’t enough to hurt Raph. Mikey wasn’t that strong. But he could see the shock in Raph’s eyes. The realization and something even more important.

The fear. He had made the giant snapping turtle afraid of him.

Donnie was the one who got the bathroom door finally open. Leo let out a high-pitched scream that would have been comedic in other circumstances. The two twins got tangled in a wrestling match, each trying to get the phone. Dad was cautioning them to be careful and stop fighting. All of that got drowned out with a single splashing sound.

Raph gasped. “My phone!” He ran over, fishing his beloved device out of the toilet, all Mikey’s wrongs forgotten for the moment.

Leo and Donnie cringe, sitting like scolded puppies.

“Sorry your phone fell in the toilet, Raph.” Leo said.

“Sorry Leo made your phone fall in the toilet.” Donnie echoed, earning him a glare. He got up and lead Raph to the kitchen. “Let’s get it in some rice. Some sanitized rice.”

Mikey is left alone with Leo, who looked more than a little guilty. Leo’s voice is low when he talks. “That one was on me, wasn’t it? Like, definitely my fault.”

Mikey gave a reassuring smile. “It wasn’t just your fault. Donnie is the one who wrestled with you in the bathroom.” The one who left me out. The one who hid from me. Mikey tried to ignore the burning in his chest.

Leo nodded but was obviously not convinced, looking at the ground.

While Raph’s phone dried in the rice, Mikey started looking around for what to cook next. He found out they’re all out of bacon bits and there’s no more bacon in the fridge. All the better.

He found the grater, taking it into his room. The krang was looking more pathetic every day. It only had a couple of tentacles left, the rest marred and not regenerating fast enough to be replaced. It barely moved in its cage, its eyes only half open. He had no doubt it wasn’t up to escaping.

So he unlatched the cage, pulling the krang out and holding it tightly in his hands. It squirmed but even that attempt was weak.

“What are you going to do with me?” Its voice was scratchy and soft.

“Oh, you’ll see.” He placed it on his desk, a small bowl filled with tap water. He made sure to keep a close eye on it.

It looked at the water skeptically, turning back to Mikey. “What?”

“Even the krang have to drink, don’t they? You must be drained from being here.” He smiled calmly and lovingly, like he actually cared about it.

The krang pokes it cautiously. “Is it poisoned?”

“Nope. Just water. Go ahead. Have some.”

It was obvious the krang didn’t want to believe him. But at the same time, the thirst won out, the krang lapping it up in greedy mouthfuls. Mikey let it drink the entire bowl. He was such a nice person, wasn’t he?

It made the screaming it made when he grated it sound all the sweeter.

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