#this is just for me to save bc im proud of myself sob

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

[ma3mae]

No one likes syringes!

Summary : You gotta take your weekly syringe but you're afraid of needles so how can these mfs (Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Aku, Chuuya) convince you to take it 🤷

Genre : bit cracky and fluff, prob lots of teasing bc u know who tf im talking about 💀

Warnings : heartattacks bc we all simp too hard for these men 🛐 maybe a bit of suggestive themes at the end

A/N : managed to inject myself for the first time (aint no drugs, need them bc HEALTH) and bro, my hands r still shaky bc fear 😭 how do ppl do this so easily 💀 also the syringe is like a pen (also for this story) but broo its still scary and i need some bsd character comforting me 😩✋✋

Dazai Osamu

Lets say yall live together and hes at work while u r home alone

cant bring yourself to do it alone bc bro syringes are scary (even if its just a pen bc NEEDLES BRO) 😩😭

So you text him and ask what hes doing and tell him if hes got time to come home asap bc we r nearly crying at this point

hes gonna be SO ANNOYING like "i was just waiting for a text from you~ dont worry, your knight in shining armor will save you"

BROO he prob knew that you gotta take them today and also knew that nothing would be going on at the agency so he couldve stayed at home but nah 😭😭 (sadistic a** fr fr)

but hes still hurrying nonetheless bc hes not that MEAN -right???-

arrives at home and finds you on the couch holding the pen with shaky hands and his heart does feel a TAD bit guilty bc fr he couldve stayed at home and u would have gotten this shit over asap

gon be all like "dw im here now, okay? Lets just get this over with and then we'll cuddle, how about that?"

homegirl is about to cry at this point bc just FREE HER from this misery

sits next down to you and takes the pen from your hands

If you do wanna try it out yourself, he'll gently guide you through it

He knows how afraid you are and teasing would just make you sob instantly bc the pressure is already too much to deal with YEAH U BETTER STFU U TEASE !! jk still love him

will try to change your mind tho by sayinf stuff like "Really? ~ i mean its brave and good of you to try it yourself but I really love helping you, you know. Want to do everything for you, darling." he knows EXACTLY what hes doing to us by saying that

Is prob gonna give us that look and whisper in our ear and shi im sorry im too down bad for this man at this point 😩

if you dont wanna do it yourself then, he'll tell you to look at him while hes pressing the pen onto your thigh or stomach

You still cant keep your eyes off of it? Sry girl, theres only one solution

He'll just click his tounge at you while having that fking smirk on his face as he says "still too distracted, I see? Well seems like theres only one way to help you"

gives you a kiss on the lips and just deepens it while looking STRAIGHT into your eyes got my knees weak for him fr

you only feel a tiny sting and as soon as a "click" is heard, he'll break the kiss and just grins at you as if he didnt trick you lol

but who are you to complain, he sees that you liked it and will def comment on that

"see, love? Wasn't so hard after all. But you still did well. Proud of you as always"

pecks you on the lips again before setting the pen onto the table and wraps his arms around your waist bc NO WAY in hell is he gonna let go after that

"i think i deserve a reward for that~" "you said you were waiting for a text so you KNEW i had to do it today, right?" ".... welp, not gonna apologize on that 🤷🤷🤷"

u can understand why kunikida has to SIGH all the time as soon as dazai opens his mouth but oh well, you're too whipped to care about at this point

wont let you go so guess you'll have to reward him 💅 no ones complaining LOL

if you tell him to help you next time before hes gone for work, he'll def do it bc he loves u but poor kunikida gotta expect him arrive at work late more often bc he wont leave home without rewards 🛐

Kunikida Doppo

You already know that he got the exact day, hour, minute and SECOND written down on when you gotta take your pen

You tell him that the day is enough and that the time doesnt matter but NOO 😤 YOU WILL take it at the exact time

If its at ungodly hours like 3am or smth, bro he'll wake you up like no mercy for his schedule 😭

If u complain to him tho then dw he will rearrange it for u bc he may love to stick to his plans but he wont ignore your needs and stuff either get urself a man who takes care of u like that 😤😤

will prefer to do it before work, so if you're not an early bird then he'll wake u up but dw you'll get a forehead kiss and bro's already fully dressed n' stuff BUT waking up to him looking at you with such a loving gaze will make u forget that its 5-6am or smth 😩

will first let you get up in peace and make u some calming tea bc he knows what will come next ✋

"Y/N, I know you don't like it but you have to take your pen today, okay?"

if we start a tanthrum then he already knows about it like bro's prepared for everything!!

"Kuni, do we really ha-" "Yes." "But you know I dont li-" "Yes and yes. I know you hate it but don't worry, I've already written everything down on how to do it and what to be aware of so its okay to feel afraid but don't worry because I'm here. Nothing will happen and I've already bought your favorite snacks so you'll feel better but dont eat too much of it when I'm gone. "

u already know he spent a night or smth just researching everything about it as soon as you told him

prob even went to a library and once came back home with multiple books in his hands, hes THAT dedicated UGH I LOVE HIM 💕

you could just sob rn bc how did the earth bless you with this man KUNIKIDA I NEED U 😭😭😭

If the pen is kept in a fridge then dw he already put that shit out for it to not be cold anymore (prob counted the minutes and seconds LOL)

he'll sit you down on the bed or couch, disinfect the place on where you'll take it (lol that sounds WRONG) and he'll give you a peck on your forehead before asking if you're alright and ready to go through with it bc no way in hell is he gonna do it while you're too shaken up for it

If you wanna try to do it alone then he'll take your hand into his as you're grabbing the pen, slowly guiding it while praising you for how brave you are for trying this and that hes proud of you IM SOBBING

will also tell you to look at him if you get more afraid by seeing it on your skin

Honestly even if you dont wanna do it yourself, he'll make sure to be there and will praise you every time you get through with it bc you KNOW he means it

Honestly makes you tear up everytime and u just wanna kiss this man fr

you thank him and tell him how glad you are to have him, he'll be smitten even more than he already is

Cup his face with your hands and kiss him bro's gonna find it really difficult to not stay at home and just be in your arms

at the end of the day, his love for you exceeds his ideals so he wouldnt mind arriving at work some minutes later if he gets to have you in his arms for a bit longer

Will arrive at work with such a good mood that hes prob gonna freak dazai out with it especially when he overlooks some dumb remarks from him the power of love YALL but who can blame him, his heart is thumping louder than dazai's rambling LOL

maybe yall will continue when hes back home, who knows 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

Nakajima Atsushi

when you told him about the pen for the first time, he was literally thrown off like "wait, so you have to.... stab yourself regularly with that?????"

hes just SO precious bc his heart's squeezing at you asking him if he could help u bc you just feel so comfortable and just knowing that makes him SWOON

But at the same time hes panicking bc HOW CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING U

Ngl hes prob also afraid of needles and stuff 😭 is gonna look at u like the pic above LOL

will ask yosano or even recommend that she should do it but you're like "NO!! im sorry, tsushi but im too scared of her and i feel safe with u :(((("

you got him WHIPPED and DEDICATED bc he'll def research that shit through and through

Will ask his coworkers (prob kunikida) how to best handle the situation

has everything ready but will stumble and be kinda hastily about it at first bc hes prob even more nervous than you are 💀

either it implifies your fear more or its just so ridiculous that you're legit like "ily but im not gonna die or smth 🤨🤨🤨" you cant blame him tho 😤

hes gonna be all like "OKAY OKAY, we got this. No, I GOT this s-so no worries, okay?" bro, BREATHE. Hes just about to pass out at this point jk jk

if you decide to try it out alone, he'll be a bit saddened bc does this mean you dont want him to help you after all?? :(( was he not good enough of a choice to be of help :((( TSUSHI STFU ILY

dw just reassure him that you obviously appreciate his help and still need him to be there bc no way in hell can u do it alone without ur hubby

will tell you everything he had learned about the pen and how to use it with a bit of a tremble in his voice but he pulls through with it!!

You manage to do it and BOY get ready for a rant on how proud of you he is

will want to pamper you with kisses on ur face "tsushi, i know that look. Go ahead and do it, dont hold back" "really, y/n!!?" "😩 bro do it ok" will try to hold back with gluing himself onto you but how can he NOT

If u dont wanna do it urself then it will prob go like this:

its time for yk what and he sees the genuine fear in your eyes but dw he got you

hes prob gon be like "my s/o need me rn and i have to help them!!!" hes actually gonna remember everythinf he looked up and prob memorized for you bc hes AN ANGEL will put his forehead against yours and tell you to look at him "i wont let anything hurt you and happen to you. You're afraid and honestly im afraid too but you and i will get through this, okay?" gives you the most lovestruck smile ever before he looks down and counts to three

"breathe in, y/n. It will be okay" he ignores his slightly trembling hands and at the count of three inserts it. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER📸📸📸

as soon as yall hear a click, he quietly counts to three before pulling it out and BROO the relief is refreshing af

"WE DID IT, Y/N!!!" Is hella giddy bc how can he not be proud of the both of you!!!! You did it!!! will honestly pull you in a hug bc hes just so happy

prob gonna realise that he just did it without asking u and will be sheepish all like "o-oh sorry, i just got too excited" "no tsushi. We should be happy about this so dont let go!!" no need to say it twice bc hes gonna wrap his arms even tighter around you and nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck ILL GIVE U A KISS TSUSHI 🛐🛐

will he feel bad for arriving at work a bit later? Maybe but a scolding from kunikida wont hold him back from holding you for a tad bit longer

He'll be a bit less nervous for the next times and it will surely decrease with each time bc practice yk but will obviously still hold you until he made sure that you're feeling okay afterwards

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Bro's nearly flabbergasted bc why are you making such a FUSS 🤨🤨 im sry dont sue me

"Calm down, you idiot. It's only a pen. You dont even SEE the needle."

dont ask him why hes staying with you if its JUST a needle then bc bro will prob just straight up get up and leave if you point it out 💀

will prob be the first to not even suggest but just TELL you to do it yourself aku im hurting over here 😩

will prob make an effort in atleast roughly skimming through a website about it prob smth weird like wikihow LMAO

If he does see you how afraid you really are of it, hes rly trying his best to ignore the small ache its giving his heart bc he takes no pleasure in witnessing u be so afraid✋ its still JUST a pen in his eyes at the end of the day lol

will just sigh and snatch that shit from your hands bc he cant bear to see you like this any longer are we looking that pitiful, probably LOL

But he'll be surprisingly soft with his touch, nearly just ghosting you with his hands is that even a term, nvm yall know what i mean

Hes just gonna be straightforward with it bc the faster its over the better. He wont admit that he just wants to help but cant convey it bc what even are feelings 🤷

He'll tilt your chin towards him and just say "Look at me, Y/N. Stop overthinking it. You won't get hurt from this stupid thing, okay? If smth does happen, I'll just destroy the factory thats making this."

You dont know if hes joking to lighten the mood or if hes serious bc its aku

But hes prob joking

anyway hes gonna ask you like smth rly random like "What do you wanna eat later" which will confuse you but you'll answer nonetheless bc hey hes initiating a convo!!

as you start to talk and he notices you're relaxed enough for him, welp yk whats happening

Actually makes you wince a bit bc it just caught you off guard

"Ryuu, what the f-?!" "Just bear with it." ok we have been silenced 🛐

yall hear the click of relief, he counts in his mind to three and quickly pulls that shit out

you're slightly trembling from relief from finally getting it over you and bro just clicks his tounge like "You're such a fool. Cant believe something insignificant like that makes you nearly shit your pants."

you lowkey glare at him for that bc BRO needles r spooky 😭 but dw before you even open your mouth to tell him off, he'll look to the side and say "... You did good for holding that out though... but its still stupid."

just give him a peck on the cheek or smth bc this boy is prob craving some praise after having helped you like that

"Thank you, Ryuu. I couldnt have done this without you. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for"

Give him a tight hug, kiss and boom you got him around your finger

he'll take a second to wrap his arms around you and will just hide his face in the crook of ur neck like our other boy tsushi

"Of course, I'd help... I'll still blow up the factory for scaring you like that."

"NO!!" jk he wont if u tell him not to but hes just trying to say he doesnt like seeing u like that we know aku, dw 💕💕

if his coworkers ask why hes arriving a bit later at work, he'll just tell them to shut up and continue with their work

If you look closely you'll see his ears turn a bit pink as he keeps thinking of you and your words 💕💕😭

Nakahara Chuuya

Honestly its gonna be a mix of every reaction possible I think

Like if you tell him about the pen, hes first gonna feel a bit pressured like "O-Oh wait so you want ME to help with it??"

Like no offense hes obviously feeling pretty happy about that you are asking him for help especially for smth important as your health

But he knows hes not the most gentle person and does have his worries that he might accidentally hurt you or smth

wont ask anyone for advice bc its his love of his life can i be that pls that asked HIM so he'll do it at the end of the day!!

but if hes feeling rly unsure then he wont mind slipping a question about it when hes reporting to mori

which means being not subtle at all

"So was that all for today's report of the mission." "Yeah." "Then do you need something or why are you still standing there?" ".... *pulls out a picture of your pen* do you know how to use this?..."

you def know that chuuya's feeling so embarassed that hes asking his BOSS but its a sacrifice hes willing to pay

mori will have mercy on him and tell him what he should be careful of and summarise on how to use it

Will prob throw in a "good luck~" bc how can u not TEASE him

anyway our boy's done his research and now comes the hard part

"Okay, dont panic Y/N." "HOW CAN I NOT WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME" "JUST DONT PANIC, FFS"

dw as soon as he sees you trembling, he'll be softer than a marshmallow

a chuuya one

"Oi, look at me. I'll make sure nothing's gonna happen to you, alright? Will just sting a bit and thats it. Will take care of you after this so you'll forget this ever happened."

HOW CAN U NOT SWOON AT HIM 😩😩

he'll even take off his gloves so you'll be more relaxed if you can feel his skin bro the gloves are giving off doctor vibes in this scenario, will make us panic more LOL

if you really cant keep your eyes off it then well....

"Damn it, love. Stop looking at it." will just press his lips onto you for a second before breaking it and inserting that shi*

"Ch-Chuuya!" "I know, i know. Dont worry, its gonna be over real soon."

And boom thr click is heard and yall are finally done

Honestly his shoulders are gonna relax instantly, boy was tensed up even more than you skskskks but who can blame him

"OMG chuuya we did it!!" "Yeah, you did it, doll." bro's gonna latch onto you again bc that kiss from earlier wasnt enough for the both of u 😩

is it riling yall up? Probably but welp you 're already either shirtless or pantless so only one clothing to pull off less work for yall

Mori's just gonna be like "I see, you managed to get through it" and chuuya just tiltd his fedora down so u cant see his face bc he REALLY wants to ignore that his boss knows whats been holding our boy up cant blame him 🤷🤷🤷

***************

Lol that was WAY too long but honestly this was so good to write 😩 now im just gonna be sad that none of them r here to do it irl but oh welp, will just read more stuff about them ✋💅

[stupd000]

My typed reaction of Vegas BA bc everyone’s asleep

I love the guy who checks us in

Oh um don’t call me pet

Ermmmmm

Okay don’t like it so far

aw shucks i missed you too boo

no i will not come closer

ew no go away

oh nvm ig we are

wait so are we the dog or is he

okay this is getting boring

can we fuck now

oh wait nvm this is hot

oh WE’RE the puppy

that’s um

okay

is he calling me special

no i’m not ready to play VEGA.

i have a feeling we’re not alone

or we are

idk

okay we got some vouyers

that’s erm

okay

don’t call me pet

weirdo

excitement? no honey i’m scared

yes fear

ok can we fuck now

damn he talks a lot

stop echoing

oh don’t call me pup

oh this is some like

kinky kinky shit

how big is Vega

just in general cuz i thought he was like

6,1 and scrawny

um no my breath is oxygen not yours

this is definitely um

yeah

correct circumstances?

wardrobe?? bitch what is this Narnia

DONT CALL ME A PUPPY THATS WEIRD

i’m kink shaming

I am not getting on all fours what the fuck

oh nvm ig we are

this is uncomfortable

TAIL????

this is some furry shit

UM ..!

NO I WILL NOT CRAWL

WHATTTTTT

ASS?

SLUT???

this would be hot if i wasn’t a fucking dog

don’t shush me bitch

are we still on all fours

that’s mad embarrassing

i am not yours

weirdo

I’d rather you not take care of me

this is very um

interesting!!

Do we have dignity

STOP CALLING ME PUPPY YOU FURRY

do we have any pride at all like oh my god

GRINDING???

Don’t slut shame me bitch

arching????????

oh my god.

CUM HUNGRY LITTLE BITCH????

if he says puppy one more time i’m killing myself

if he puts a fucking collar on me i’ll jump

stop

STOPPP

Dog tag is crazy

“property of vega” NO.

Stop vega this is not a joke

DO WE HAVE NO SENSE OF DIGNITY

OH MY GODDDD

PROUD??? I AM NOT PROUD

OWNER???

I’m jumping off a ledge

MY HOLE?? WHICH ONE I HAVE LIKE 3

Okay stop slut shaming me Vega

ROLL OVER???

i’m insanely uncomfortable

by the way guys i made chicken alfredo today

Anyway

i hate his fucking tone

don’t take that attitude w me bitch

DO NAWTTT CALL ME A WHORE EVER AGAIN.

oh wait he called me pretty nvm

this is insane

it’s 2:30 am i cannot handle this

okay so we archin

PUT WHAT IN

WHAT IS GOING IN

this is strange

CALLING UR DICK A TREAT IS WILDDD

oh my god no

stop.

A TAIL???

NO

NO NO NO NO

NO

NO

no wait cuz there was this one kid who wore a butt plug tail to school it was crazy bc a guy pulled it out

anyway

This is some furry shit

not that there’s anything wrong w that live ur truth

STRETCHING???

the plug is insane

stop

i’m actually sobbing this is NOT OKAY.

what position are they in im so confused

SHAKE WHAT ASS

UMMMMMMMMM

this is peculiar

Vega is a furry

i hate this

i hate this sm

I STILL HAVE 10 MINS LEFT

LORD SAVE ME

okay no need to take that tone Vega😒

bitch we can’t breathe wtf

no i wont whine around that tootsie roll u call a dick

AHHH THE NOISESSS

okay can u not choke me

don’t call me a slut you cunt

oh my god hurry up vega

ew

I don’t love anything about this

this is insane

NOT A PERSON????

RUDEEEEEEEE

okay adjective king

ew don’t call me that

i am not licking the floor sir

i am not licking your boot either

lick your own fucking boot

this is actually pissing me off he’s annoying

are we almost done

Do we have no sense of shame

like at all

second hand embarrassment

okay are we done

no? okay

ew don’t call ur self master

that’s not..

okay

um

the growling is insane

damn right i’m divine

ew don’t call the that

not the baby voice

stop this madness

what do you want from me WHAT DO U WANNTTTT

okay are we done

TWITCHING?????? INSANE.

That was horrible

[desireablesoul]

My own mother despises me. Her own creation. She's so scared of people leaving her that she pushes them away until they don't care anymore. I am just like her. I tell her our similarities, and she shuns me. I don't want to fall to the same fate as her, but i don't know how not to become her. She was mad at me, and the reason was insufficient. It didn't stab me like it did when she purposely hurt me. I remember now. She was yelling at me not to wake her up bc she works at 4am. I understand her frustration with me, but at the same time, I didn't know that frustration could lead to that. She kept going on about how I don't wake her up unless I'm bleeding. I felt an urge to say, "You wouldn't care even if I was bleeding." I shouldn't have said that, I never would have thought she would say that to me, but it's nothing new. i don't know why it hurt so bad. I felt my heart break, a string snapped, the deep agony and emotional pain my heart was beating so fast. She told me, "Do you think I care when you cut yourself?"" She added on more, cutting deeper into me, but my brain blocked it out for the best. I sat there and asked her with my heart feeling like it was about to explode out of my chest if she said that on purpose or if she even thinks before she speaks. I could tell by looking at her face that she was playing dumb and the fact i was talking was aggravating her. She asked me to repeat myself, and I did, but it hurt so bad, especially for her to act like she didn't do that. I told her never mind as I got up and started to leave her room. I couldn't hold in my feelings I never can, and it's gonna be the death of me. I was yelling and sobbing at her, saying all the things she tells me that I'm a failure and I don't try I'm lazy I never do anything etc that it makes me feel like im worth nothing that I'll never be anything. I just wish my mother loved me. I wish she would've worked on herself instead of having kids to fix her sorrow. "I saved her," she tells me constantly. I didn't save her. The birth of me only occupied her for a while. it didn't save anyone. If anything, it was a way for her to fill the void for a short period. Life still sucked tremendously after me. Why does she say I'm so important but then try to throw me away so easily. If I ever become like my mother, I want you to kill me. If I become emotionally unavailable and explosive, I want you to kill me. If I become like my mother, I won't be able to see the pain I cause. I fear I'm already falling to the fate of my mother. Mom, eat me and give birth to me again. This time around, I will make you proud. I promise.

[euphoricfilter]

hi honeybun!! omg ur all over the world!!!!!! i really wanna be a teacher abroad bc i get to travel and be a teacher which i luv so im currently going to college for that eeee but hve been getting a bunch of tik tok abt tae n they r so funny jijiji dinner went well i ate a shit ton and then got a milkshake jiji even though i work tomorrow i really wanna go out :( i feel like i got the zoomies jiji i should probably just clean my room bc it’s been a mess since i luv w my best friend and we made a big deal w decorations so now my room is a mess with balloons and wrapping paper jiji -🌙

ik 🥲 it gets a little tedious with visas but i’m still alive so i cant really complain when it makes my parents happy

that’s what my parents do, and why we live abroad in the first place. i did consider international teaching just because i know the benefits and realistically i’d be able to save way more than what i’m planning on doing but i would slaughter a child if i were to become and teacher so at the moment it’s like plan c; if all fails then i can just get a teaching degree on top of the degree i’m going in to and then teach abroad 🫡 i really really really don’t want to work in the uk id sob every single day knowing i had to wake up and id still be in the uk

i love milkshake so much, i have really bad self control as well. i swear dairy breaks me out but i just can’t help myself when i see any kind of milkshake on the menu, my top 3 would have to be mint choc chip, strawberry, then oreo

HELP ME EARLIER, me and bestie did karaoke again and i think i got the zoomies because the music was so hype, my throat was dying but i was determined to keep going. i know some mf was hearing us praying we’d leave

wait that’s so cute :( yesterday me and my bestie made a little bit of a mess with stickers because we were decorating photo cards OH and we made keychains and i made a jk one that i’m pretty proud of so now he’s hung on my crochet pouch

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[ragnvdnir]

NAHH CUZ YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THAT(being the source of my happiness) 🤩🤩🤩 your messages literally make my day 😚💕💕

this is a sign for you to have a friends to lovers trope with ayato 👀😌😌 more than bros-

I made sure that you looked pretty in the picture 😩👌 looking pretty while being caught in 4k 😌 im a professional photographer of ppl getting caught in 4k🥴 i simply need the money for my services so i wont go broke 🤩🤧

Your brain is driving in the right street 🤭 it aint a u-turn, that's the right track ur brain is driving to 🤩 blame me all you want ���� 😩 but i aint taking back what i've said by "...playing with balls" ✨

Im cracking up sm in the "is this a sign to hell,, im quittin"😭😭😭

Your blog is the whole receipt if you'd ask me 😌😌😌 you've been arresting yourself as both the criminal and the police 🧐

Admit it, you just want to be buried w Ayato in the burnt kamisato estate🧐🧐🧐 even death can't set you apart (literally) 😌

Money before hoes 😎😎😎 the detailed plan you wrote 😌 the anon was too stunned to speak- 🧍‍♀️is this what you call the peak of desperation because ayato won't come home to u 🤔🤔

Good luck on getting ayato !! 👹👹👹 His banner aint gonna disappear tomorrow so take your time 😚😚 may he appreciate your hardwork for saving up for him 😩✨

You got 10 olympic medals but your one true love aint coming home 😩😭 IM. I'm losing my mind over the "NEXT YEAR IM PLANNING TO BUY A MOON" 😰 ein???? i think ur crimes made you successful but also crazy 😭😭 am i gonna hear that you're planning to buy a sun too ???🧐

No one can beat ur top tier humor 😭 i rlly swear you're naturally funny 😌🤩 thanks for being proud of me, im doin my best 😎👌

Albedo is dry bc he aint wet 👍 that chalk man will literally melt into nothingness when he'd gotten wet 🤔🤔 albedo is missing out on ur top tier humor 🤧🤧 i feel so sad for him 😩 anyways ayato please come home to ein, one of your greatest simps, before you regret it 😚 and miss out on ein's humor 🥴🤩 albedo don't deserve someone like you 😤😤 he belongs to dragonspine, and just like the cold of that mountain, he also treated you coldly 🙄😔 let's try to ask mona what can we do to albedo using astrology 😌

I wonder too who is the one who simps so hard in this blog 🤔🤔🤔

-

As an Ayato haver, i'm gonna bestow you my blessings!! 😚💕 Have a nice day ein >:3

i'm?? Also wondering if i'm gonna ask you to be friends in asia server 😩🤔 since you were wanting fishes yesterday,,, the reason is stupid but 🤩

— 🍰.

ikr anon😌 but being your entertainer is not free, where's my salary 🤨🤨

itto is gonna be my wingman🤩👍

thats great, bc i wont allow myself to look like a dinosaur while being caught in 4k🙄🙄 we all struggle financially🤝

u know what? i learned to simply shut up whenever u say sussy things🤨🤨 learned it in a hard way btw

my blog is a whole receipt? nah uh anon, u might need a glasses for that. i am not a criminal and a police wdym😒😒

nah bc i take back that i said i am hot, bc there's no way im going to hell😊 im warm u know, not hot

didn't even thought abt that but now that u said it, yes. not even death can do us apart. if i can't have him, no can👹 /j naurr i sound some yandere shit😭

its always money >>> husbandos. this is the start of my capitalist era🤩🤩 /j

i am desperate it self anon🙁 that kamisato ayato is stubborn af💔

"you got 10 olympic medals but your one true love aint coming home" *slids down the wall* *bang my head* *rips out my heart* *sobs violently* f u and your homies anon 💔 who taught u to real talk me💔👍

yep, lets buy a star too🤩🤩 ...crime? anon u thought everything that i did is a crime? how could this be *held the chair from shock* everything that i did is hardwork, success, effort and u will just call them crime!? t-this is too much *runs away* *trips* you betrayed me alot of times💔

ikr💅 im suffering from success of being the funniest clown on earth🤡💅 my brain is full of humor that i wished its full of knowledge from school too💔💔💔 keep going anon and follow my path from success 😌🤝

albedo, the one that got away💔💔 i tried to chase him but he dropped my hand and left me standing💔💔 but past is in the past🙄 i realized that there are alot of better man than him. i ain't gonna chase him, he's the one chasing this beauty this time💅 jk i might pull for his rerun hehe but dont tell him bc i dont chase, i attract🤨🤨

dont be shy and spill the name of that 'someone' in this blog🤔🤔

-

damn another ayato haver i see💆💆💆

mr. kamisato, ive wanted u since the start, even if you are faceless at that time and ppl keep saying that you're gonna be npc forever, the times where i read leaks saying that you're long haired and probably a polearms user. i loved u for that long, and yet, this is how u repay me? another betrayal for my poor heart ig💔 if i cant have u then i have no choice but to let u go and be with your sister whether im guaranteed or not😞😞 this is what u chose ayato, so bear the consequences. farewell, ex lover🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️/j

i already got the fishes BUT YESS I WANNA BE FRIENDS, ur uid now🤨🤨

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[cinna-vanilla]

s i g h s. hi. i wrote over 1k words on what was supposed to be a quick drabble. it’s really bad and i’m very rusty but w/e !!!!

media : darkman (bc im hyperfixating babey !!!!)

warnings : violence, body horror (briefly mentioned / implied), negative thoughts / self talk, a really fucking bad ending (lmao)

“where is he?”

a shaky wheeze was the only sound the young adult made as the hand around their throat tightened. tears welled in their blue eyes as they trembled in the strong grip of the thug. their luck tended to be slim and in all twenty-two years of their life, they couldn’t help but wonder how such an occasion as this hadn’t happened up until this point. 

they had only wanted to go for a walk. maybe choosing the seedier part of town wasn’t exactly an...intelligent decision, but nonetheless, their intentions hadn’t been bad. the main streets were typically always crowded and they hadn’t wanted to deal with it. clearly, their decision was an incorrect one.

“where. is. he?” the man shouted before shoving the young adult away in frustration. they cower pitifully on the gravel road. 

“stupid, pathetic, idiotic--” the man hisses and swears as he kicks their curled-up form.

a deep, primitive growl startles the thug mid-kick, causing him to stumble...which would have been hilarious to them if they weren’t being in the process of being treated like a human punching bag.

they weakly inched backward and away from the fist-fight that started to occur between the two men. the thug was very quickly overpowered and fled with his metaphorical tail between his legs. 

which left the second man alone with them.

the first thing they noticed was the bandages that wrapped around the majority of his face and hands. the second thing they noticed was how tall the man was. he was practically a giant compared to their petite height of five feet, even as he slowly knelt down in what could be assumed as a way to be less intimidating.

“who are you?” his voice was gruff, but attempted to sound gentle nonetheless. 

“c-cinna,” was their shaky, hoarse response. “i’m- i’m cinna.” they attempted to stand, not wanting to inconvenience the man any further, only to whimper in pain.

he moved closer at their cry of pain. “you’re injured.” 

bandaged hands softly felt around forming bruises to check for any broken bones. their gaze was distant, dissociating from the pain, as the man worked. every touch, no matter how gentle, ached badly. they were rather used to feeling like a burden for being in pain.

some pain was a bit too much to hide.

a single hand brushed their right knee, causing cinna to flinch sharply and curl away painfully from the touch. a loud popping noise was heard from the offending joint from their quick movement.

“s-sorry, i- i didn’t mean--” they whimpered apologetically. they knew that the man was only trying to help. 

he merely shushed the young adult as he finished assessing their physical state. “i don’t believe there is anything broken, cinna, however, i’d still recommend seeing a doctor.” 

by the time they stood up and turned to thank the man to his face...he was gone as if he had never even been there in the first place.

“thank you,”

even if only spoken into empty air, they wanted their appreciation to be known. simply thanking the man felt dull and insincere, however. he had saved them from whatever unfortunate fate the thug had for them. 

they decided that they owed him.

---

two weeks later, cinna wandered their way back into the very same place they had been attacked. truth be told, they didn’t know if he was actually going to be there...but they were going to take a chance. they had to, they told themself.

they awkwardly wandered down the uneven road, gawking at abandoned buildings as they walked. a large gift bag was clutched between their hands.

“h-hello? s-sir?” they nervously called out. 

they didn’t have to wait very long for a response to echo from amongst the buildings.

“are you mad?! what are you doing here?!” he yelled. 

cinna flinched from the angry tone, but explained themself nonetheless. “i-- i wanted to thank you...i brought you gifts...” they shakily held the bag out in front of them. “i know it’s dangerous i just...i needed to thank you properly.”

there was silence. moments later the man came out of one of the buildings and approached the young adult. he hesitantly took the bag, probably worried it was a trick, and reached a shaking hand inside.

the first thing he pulled out was a large ziplock bag full of cookies. 

they blushed nervously at the confused look the man gave them. “they’re homemade. i dunno what you like so i ended up making a whole bunch...”

“i--thank you, cinna.” he replied, surprised. he reached his hand into the bag again and his eyes widened as he pulled something very soft out.

cinna watched him hold the bundle of material in his hands curiously. “it’s a scarf!” they explained, voice undeniably proud, “i crocheted it myself. those bandages on your face can’t be comfortable so i thought maybe that could help.”

the man eyes went from the scarf to the young adult in front of them.

“this is- oh, child,” he sounded close to tears as he spoke, “i don’t--”

cinna stepped forward, worried. “i’m sorry, please don’t cry, sir!” they wrung their hands nervously, afraid they had messed up somehow.

he shook his head, quiet sobs escaping as the young adult continued to stutter out unnecessary apologies. they felt like they had made some great mistake to have made him cry.

“you are a very sweet child,” he murmured in between tears, “and please, call me darkman.”

the worried expression remained on their face as they nodded. a heaviness grew behind their eyes and they began to rapidly blink in an attempt to prevent any tears from falling. 

“...cinna?” darkman questioned, head cocked slightly to the side.

“i’m- i’m fine- i’m--” they stuttered and stumbled. trembling, they turned away, refusing to let themself cry.

darkman...was such a sad-sounding name. it sounded so cold, so cruel compared to the actuality of the man in front of them. it was embarrassing, but they couldn’t help but tear up when they thought of how such a kind man could have ended up with such a name. not that they wanted to, by any means. they didn’t want to end up burdening him with their emotions, with their thoughts or, anything else. they had already done so enough at this point.

they flinched as a hand brushed their shoulder, jolting the young adult out of their thoughts.

“sorry- i- i have to go!” 

embarrassment flooding through their veins sent them running, even as the man yelled after them. right now, all cinna wanted to do was to hide for a long, long time. they felt like they had ruined everything. they felt...a lot of things, a lot of things they pretended not to feel.

even still...the young adult couldn’t help but feel as if this wasn’t going to be the last time they came into contact with darkman, and truthfully, they didn’t know how to feel about that.

[swearronchanel]

9.08

wow i cant even think too busy crying

Reggie and Fred 🥰

Ok but is setting all this shit on fire in the middle of the street not some barbaric ass move or is it just me LMAO?

Trixie looks great as always, I still want the white hoops

NURSE CRANE AND THE WRESTLING LMAOAOAO GET OUT LOVE IT

that’s a pretty veil

Shot gun wedding time

This guy is hella familiar ?? Was he on Downton or something?

Poor Elsie

Val giving me sailor vibes lol

Phyllis gives me the vibe of older lady’s who chug beer and yell from the nosebleed seats at baseball games aka me in 40 years

How dare you say Nonnatus’ is unimportant mr tight vest LMAO

I love that Phyllis is making him a sweater LMAO why is it so funny to me

DISCOTECH, Sister Hilda is deff the “cool” nun

You’re telling me that poplar will throw a fundraiser/charity sale thing  for anything BUT to save their building??

Sister J’s voice breaking 😢

SAVE NONNATUS 1k65

THEY NEED RENT MONEY

Oh noo they’re gonna kill Elsie off today huh

I forgot Phyllis is a vegetarian, good on her I could never lmao

“Don’t go crying, not in all that eye black” 😭

Throwing up blood oh shit not good

Omg cancer of the esophagus? Jesus

WAIT HE HAS TWO BABY MOMMAS??? BIG YIKESS

SISTER HILDA SHOWING MCNULTY HOW TO DANCE LMAOAOAOA why do I love this?

SISTER PJ’s PAMPHLET “HOW TO DANCE SOCIALLy” LMAOO

“No one wears plimsoles to the discotech” 😂 plimsoles are like white sneakers right?

you really have to be an addict to wanna play with needles and inject yourself all the time 🥴 Issa no from me

The midwife with the curly perm 🤣

Ok I agree sister Hilda deff has a soothing voice. Her accent is very velvet-y

Poor Val this is so heartbreaking 💔Let me call my grandmas after this

Wow there goes my stream 🤬🙄

ok I’m back

“Every land mark I ever knew seems to be falling down” 💔

Sister J and Lucille comforting Val ugh this is too many feels

I can’t wait till this cheating ass mf gets caught LMAO

OFC Phyllis would be the one to notice the missing drogas

Fred checking his watch is a mood like he does not have the time for this shit LMAO

Councilor Buckle you better step it up LMAO

TELL HER PHYLLIS!

Sister Hilda’s voice is actually calming me rn LMAO ((my laptop has been stressing me out all day))

LMAO THIS IS IT OMG

HE CAUGHT

SMACK HIM UP MOMMA!!!!

HE DESERVES MORE THAN A HANDBAG TO THE HEAD HE NEEDA CATCH THESE MF HANDS LMAOAOOA

Phyllis is like what the fuck is going on here today??🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Elsie coming home 😢my freaking heart

Now they’re both gonna be in the maternity home OFC

Ugh I cant deal this hits too close

LET TRIXIE SPEAK

ALSO LET ME SIGN THE PETITION

“Oh no” LMAO ofc they’re put next to each other

NOW EDDIE SHOWS UP OMG GET OUT LMAO

“You’re loving her. That’s the only medicine she wants” stop omg my heart 💔😭

CTM don’t you dare make me feel bad for this guy lmaoo

Sister MJ 🥺 angel on earth

“The good stuff” is that not suspicious to anyone who doesn’t already know?

“She was here the night you were born. I recollect her” Ok I’m hysterical bye

Sister Hilda is underrated and I’ll keep saying it lol

Eddie with the 2 bouquets 😂

“I grew up arching women brawling in the street...but I’m not gonna fight you for him.” Remember the brawl from the pilot ep

YES TRIXIE YOU SPEAK!!!

“They gritted their teeth and that’s just what I’m doing now” ugh this is too much

I won’t ever have a baby bc Phyllis Crane can’t be my midwife so why bother LMAOO jkkk

poor Petra tho :((

“A memory like a firework exploded in my mind”

GRATITUDE LETTERS 🥺

GOD D*MN IT SISTER MJ HAS DONE IT AGAIN

“I was never more proud of you when I saw you wearing that [nonnatus uniform]” 😭😭😭

I am in actual tears and I can not deal

And McNulty is down

GOD SISTER FRANCES WHERE IS THAT VOW OF SILENCE BC UR NOT HELPING LMAO

The community rallying for Nonnatus we STAN 

ARE THEY SAYING “PISS OFF OF OUR MIDWIFES” LMAOO I CANT HEAR AND HAVE NO SUBTITLES RIP

“I prefer to be referred to as NURSE Franklin in a professional setting” YES MY QUEEN !!! TELL HIM

NURSE BEATRIX FRANKLIN SAID DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!!

THIS IS THE MOMENT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR !!!

“YOU HAVE NEVER ONCE CALLED US BY OUR NAME!! BUT DO NOT THINK WE WILL NOT BE MISSED IF YOU WIPE US OUT COMPLETELY” YOU FUCKING GOO BEATRIX OMGG WHAT A DAMN GOOD SPEECH!!!

BUDGET FUCKING RESTORED HELL YEA

for 12 months is that catch but you know SCREW YOUR CATCH, Nonnatus will go on somehow as long as NURSE Franklin has a say!!!

I mean at least for series 11 they have to make do somehow? We’ll see

NOOO OMG ELSIE CAN’T DIE WHILE VAL ISN’T THERE

I’m literally drowning in my own tears Oh my god

now they’re singing Amazing Grace might as well just rip my heart out with your bare hands 💔😭😭😭😭

Val with the ice cream cone ugh 😢it’s so sad

Reminds me of how I missed my abuelo passing by literally 7 mins. After a 5 hour drive, legit 7 mins late...

They tried to make McNulty go to rehab but he said no, no, noooooo

IM SORRY I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF LAUGH BC IM LITERALLY A SOBBING MESS

I wonder why they never bring up Patrick’s mental health anymore?  like he wan’t magically cured for life 

the “for now” sign on Nonnatus omg

LMDOAOAOA THE FIREWORK OMGGG

FRED THANKS FOR EVERY LAUGH

TRIXIE LOOKS GREAT AND HAD THE RIGHT IDEA LMAO

“I love you Nurse Anderson” MY HEART MAY BE REPAIRED, GIVE ME A WEDDING

Petra lost the baby aww poor gal

wow i’m emo but they all look happy during the bonfire 🥺

Poor Val is breaking but at least she’s got her gals

“Welcome the darkness, embrace it as a canopy from which the stars can hang, for there are always stars when we are where we ought to be...The darkness is beautiful for how else can we shine?”✨✨😭😭😭

She said more that I loved but couldn’t hear it all over the sound of my UGLY CryING

This reminds me of what Sister Hilda said a few eps back ugh I’m having too many feelings let me log off until Christmas 

[caandlelit]

anon this is actually the best thing ive ever seen,,, the league are literally those assholes at the snuggly duckling!! holy shit

and all they need for them to get out of their slumps and mid twenties washed up criminal angst period is an overexcited preppy blonde to hype them the fucK uP about anything and everything

hawks doesnt have magical hair that glows when he sings im sorry anon i refuse to allow that 

but??? he can have wings?? white angel wings that turn red when someone pulls a feather out 

but he can absolutely still do the feather telekinesis bullshit and the feathers are the real useful thing, they like shed or something and they’re all soft and still knife sharp so thats why his captor hides him 

‘his captor’ dont ask me who idfk

and when dabi eventually cuts them off like the hair in the movie, theyll grow back, except red, and hawks can shrink them super small but he cant move the feathers

whats hawks' dream tho???? he wouldnt care about no floating lantern bullshit

oh i got it his dream is to fly, free and uncaged. kinda terrible that he has wings but cant fly because hes stuck in a tower press f for respects

okay but,,,our man dabi is literally flynn rider im losing my shit

great youve actually got me writing a tangled au fucking woW anon i hope ur proud of urself

he goes to the bar a lot and they werent really mad about him having a wanted poster they were just worried and the fighting before the singing scene was their way of showing that they care

his real name is something else and he goes by a name he thinks is cool and hes a criminal and he falls in love with a beautiful blonde theyre literally the same person who r we kidding

but the bar scene!!!

dabi, who at this point wants to get hawks off his back and hasnt yet realized he actually wants him on his dick: hey lets go to this bar full of the most murderous people i know

hawks: okay!

hawks walks obliviously inside the bar

and then screams

because within a seconds the door around dabi is suddenly full of knives thudding into the wood one by one and he doesnt even look phased

and hes,,what the fucK hes beaming????

"aw hi toga its good to see you, too"

'fucking kill yourself you fucking asshole'

dabi strolls up to the bar with his hands in the pockets of the trenchcoat that shigaraki is severely regretting buying for him for christmas and hawks follows with wide eyes while everyone stares at the audacity of this asshole who just left the league and now he shows up again like who tf does he think he is?? and who is that absolute babe behind him what the hell how come dabi always gets the hot ones

he leans his elbow on the bartop and grins and goes, in the fake rich (except actually rich but no one really knows his sob story) voice that everyone curses the use of because it always makes them laugh and theyre mad at him right now goddammit: "kurogiri, your finest lager please"

shigaraki loses it and yells "fuCK YOU", bodily throws himself at him, ready to fucking beat his ass all the way to australia even though it hasnt been discovered yet in this universe

and then spinner tries to tug him back but twice pushes him forward because, bar fight, hell yeah, and then everyones fucking going at it and bodies are grappeling and punches are being thrown and shins are being kicked and honors are being defended

and hawks is like whaT the fUCK is hAPPEniNG!!

hawks tries to pull dabi out and gets a fist in the side for his troubles and he backs off, wincing and clutching at his ribs, but hes talking all the while, trying to reason over the din, babbling about how, hey, maybe we should think this through, but no ones listening

he finally loses his cool and screams, "stOP!!"

they stop and everyone is looking at him

hawks, passionately: hes trying to heLP me! yeah, hes an asshole, (*muffled dabi in the background, held in a chokehold courtesy of magne* 'heY') but he saved me and helped me escape from my prison and he's taking me to fullfil my dreaM! what, you think you can beat the bitch out of him? have some humanity! havent any of you ever had a dream before??

shigaraki squints at him, the sheer brightness of this holy being confusing him into actually wondering what his dream is, magne leans back thoughtfully, absently tightening her arm around dabi's throat making him let out a strangled noise, twice scratches his head and toga stares at hawks with heart eyes bc hes an angel

kurogiri: huh. yes actually i had,, a dream.. once..

*everyone turns around to gape at him, including hawks bc he didnt really think that would work*

“-ive always fancied myself a bit of a bartender you know, not like at this scraggly place, no offense, but at a high-end establishment, some place classy and aesthetic. its always been my dream to own a nice bar or a club, respected and in the city”

 queue more gaping and everyone absorbing this information about kurogiri and then ,,,,,everyone starts talking about dreams they once had about a better life and hawks is beaming and dabi is staring at the floor wondering why he ever thought hawks wouldnt be adored by these assholes on sight

anyone can like. take this base and run with it i have ??no?? idea?? what to do next rip

[answrs]

Double Dying Wish Verse

Have to preface this with the warning this is the blocking out stage that comes well before any finishing stuff, it’s 3 different docs shoved into one post (hence why the last bit kinda repeats itself), but I’m sick as hell so just take it author notes to myself and all. will probably clean up in distant future, but until then...

im just really proud of the concept, okay. the execution of the rest may or may not leave something to be desired, though. :p

Lewis’s dying wish is to not let his beloved remember this… except oops it catches Arthur too, bc mutually pining ot3 is my jam. vivi being so much closer gets hit so hard to the point of not knowing him at all, art is further away so he doesn't remember the cave, but more specifically Lewis death.

it absolves mystery of being a complete dickwad and not telling Arthur this search he's killing himself over is in vain, bc every time he says anything about lew being dead art blanks out and can't hear it (glowy light eyes included)

the thing is Arthur is actually mentally unable to comprehend the idea of Lewis being dead. it's not denial, not naivety, the death magic literally short circuits his brain when the idea is even brought up. then he's totally out of it for hours and has massive migraines and he just wants to find Lewis because Lewis will make the pain go away Lewis will make it all better he just needs to find him.

---

mystery calls home, explain to lance what happened, (maybe skips a few things) while driving to place heli can pick up

later when art wakes and can't connect Lew being dead, mystery sees spirit sparks and tells lance and pepper parents what happened

eventually when art is chomping at the bit to go and “find” Lewis, mystery assures he'll keep  them safe, and if they do by chance find his spirit he can hopefully put an end to the curse. art will probably go mad otherwise cooped up when he thinks Lew is in trouble alone somewhere, and may do something rash without them instead if they don't.

(tells vi art is looking for the person she can't remember, but because of the same magic the man doesn't realize the being is dead by his possessed hand?

she makes connection after mansion based on behavior of ghost, tender to her but almost sole focus on Arthur. doesn't voice to Arthur obv but asks mystery.)

yes- now vi knows who ghost was and connects dots from what art recollects from ghost truck (he doesn't believe it was really Lew so no worry abt painting bad light of it, she fumes and hates this former boyfriend even more

tells lance herself, he has his own suspicions based on Arthur's first recount of what happened to him with the ghost, he deserves to know and mystery is gone with shiromori.

vents and rants to the older mechanic because she's so upset about it, and how horrible this supposed friend is to someone working so hard to HELP him, and she DATED such a horrible person and-!

lew in the background super confused at first bc doesn't she remember him? gets upset and angry bc it must be Arthur's fault somehow!

art overhears tho, goes into meltdown bc she hates Lewis? but he's the best kindest gentle person and- no offense Arthur but she's not the most persuaded by his arguments after the guy had literally thrown you off a cliff -what no he didn't what are you talking about no the ghost wasn't Lewis couldn't be Lewis stop sAYING THAT IT HURTS IT HURTS LEWIS MAKE IT STOP

Lew shocked, scared at the sheer magic buildup hurting the thin man (maybe Arthur's subconscious reinforced or made magic stronger?), and now so ashamed bc if vi can't remember him then just based on his past actions involving her as a spirit he can't refute a single point she has against him

only thing be can even try is to help Arthur even weak as he is, repent even a modicum of what he's put him through, now he knows just what art had done for him and-

(vithur au verse?)

Art knows weak spirit is in house, tiny ouija board (tealight, paper with yes/no/”?”, and planchette) - writes/asks y/n question, takes lew hours to move the token to the right spot bc so weak, like kitten trying to push a boulder.

---

Double dying wish verse

Lew uses up all power w van and shit in hellbent after saving arthur

Confused

Mystery runs off to lure shiro away and dispatch her

Arthur concludes ghost was fucking with him by turning into lew since literally mentally unable to comprehend lew being dead bc curse, slowly forgets what even happened

Furthured by lance asking what happened and response like “the ghost had me over the cliff then it… lied, and let go and then…” “lied how?” “he- it- it- i-” sudden furious sparks overtake eyes, konks him out for a good solid couple hours. Lance recognizes symptoms from before (any mention of lew=dead causing big sparks and massive headaches later) and draws his own conclusions

Lew stuck as less than a deadbeat, just wisp following arthur around bc ??????? wtf angry but things not making sense and biding time until REVENGEEEEE and eventually watching art suffer and not knowing why and being concerned and aaaaaaaaaaa-

Occasionally gets caught in little spirit traps around the house, art always lets him go bc blond cant imagine any spirits esp that weak being dangerous. Angry bc theyre scared yes, the traps sense negative emotions, but all deserve better chance and he wants to help

Lew sees the negative side of hunt hidden from vi and lance and mystery

Arm pains pills nightmares beating self up having panic attacks crying sobbing for lewis breaking down at the peg board bc he knows something important he knows is missing but he cant. figure. out. WHAT.

[whatbutandreil]

i had an ask sitting in my inbox for a couple of months bc i didn't really know what i wanted to say, but i lost the ask:/

unfortunately, when i tried to save my response to my drafts, tumblr just,, fuckin deleted it, so im sorry to whoever asked it:/ but i have my response now. the ask said "what(or who) got you into tfc?" to the person who asked this question, thank you. this has been a really great reflection. so uh,, here's my answer:

·

i kinda hate the way i came into tfc bc it was in a way that didn't respect the wishes of my, now friend on twitter, ziegenkind.

·

basically, i was scrolling on pinterest, as you do, and i fell into a hole of like,, gay fanart? (not a question, just a little self-reflection on how fucking queer i am. how did i not fucking know?)

·

anyway, so, i was scrolling, as you do, and i found @ziegenkind 's stunning painting of andrew and neil on the bottom bunk of the dorm bed (y'all know the one) and i was like "whooooo,, the fUCk are these two cuties (ʘ‿ʘ)??"

·

PSA : DONT REPOST PEOPLE'S ART WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE EXPLICITLY SAYS NOT TO. THIS COUNTS AS REPOSTING IF YOU POST SOMEONE ELSE'S ART TO PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. DO NOT QRT PEOPLE'S ART ON TWITTER IF PEOPLE SAY NO. YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION. AND DONT FUCKING ERASE PEOPLE'S WATERMARKS AND DEFINITELY DONT REPLACE THEM WITH YOUR OWN. DONT FUCKING DO IT. to the lovely ziegenkind, (it's julian from twitter (^o^)丿) it's so fuckin unfortunate that i found your art through reposts and it's fucking horrible that people don't listen, but thank you for being my bridge into this fandom and im very grateful to have found you and been able to talk with such an angel. you quite literally changed my life forever and i can't thank you enough:') im eternally grateful for that. BUT DONT FUCKING REPOST DIPSHITS

·

anyway, so, naturally, i sat in my bed for 3 hours at 1am on a school night, as you do, scrolling through andreil fan art and trying to figure out who the fUCK they were and what they were from. i found tfc and immediately downloaded it on my phone

·

i didn't get to reading it for a bit tho:/ abt a week later, i was brought to the emergency room bc i was planning to kill myself. id been diagnosed with depression for around a year, who knows how long i was suffering before that, and i was hitting my lowest. it was abt 2 weeks after new years and on new years eve, i was planning on ending it bc i couldn't fathom dealing with it for another year. another year of feeling nothing or everything all at once. but my mom had called me downstairs to go to a new years party, so i didn't go through with it. abt 2 weeks later, i had seen my therapist again, and i was deflecting hard core, and she saw it, and she sent me to the ER. i was evaluated all night, but i wasn't kept for observation since i told the nurse that the thoughts had passed. i was taken out of school and put in an outpatient program where id have group for 4 hours and school for 2. every morning for abt a month, i would get picked up at my house in a minivan and id have a good 20-25+ min drive to program.

·

every. single. morning. on the van, i would read tfc. every morning. i was going through, what i thought to be the worst time of my life (i now know that it in fact DID get worse and now we're going on a new level of bad, but then it was the worst id experienced) every morning i was reading about neil and him running from his father, something ive wanted to do for years. reading about andrew struggling with depression and self harm like i am and despising most touches bc of people in his life that ruined it, similar to how someone ruined it for me and doesn't understand that "no" means "no". reading about nicky learning to love and accept himself for being gay, for being who he is like ive been trying to accept myself being a queer ace trans boy. reading about kevin trying to cope with his anxiety, even if it's in an unhealthy way, the same way i do. reading about renee growing up one way and wanting to become a better person, something that i want to do every day. reading abt matt overcoming his addiction and loving his friends with his whole heart. reading about dan standing up for herself and being proud of who she is. reading abt allison cutting away the people in her life who wanted to hold her back. reading about aaron and andrew work through their differences to try and salvage their relationship. reading about neil taking his life back and living it the way he wants, on his terms, like i so badly crave to do. reading about neil and andrew finding a respectful and loving relationship, one where all boundaries are respected, not crossed, where there is comfort in being together and a certain understanding on a level that others could never wrap their mind around. the kind of relationship that i have always, always, yearned for, where i feel safe and loved and respected.

·

these books taught me not only to die for the ones i love or kill for them, but to live for them, and to me, that is a much more daunting and difficult task.

·

All For the Game gave me hope, something i never thought id have again. it gave me hope for tomorrow. and the day after that. and a month after that. and it gives me hope that one day, i will get away from my father, i will be comfortable with who i am and love myself for it, i will find ways to cope with my anxiety properly, i will be proud of the person i have become, i will have friends who i love and who love me, i will stand up for myself and be proud to be the person ive become, i will surround myself with good people and cut away those who treat me wrong and hold me back, i will work to repair and maintain good relationships.

·

it gives me hope that i will finally break away from the pain and start to live my life the way i want, as the person i was meant to be, the way i was meant to live my life.

·

it gives me hope that i will overcome my depression, that i will find the strength to stop harming myself to cope, that i will find the strength to push through, even after ive been given every reason to just give up.

·

it gives me hope that one day, i will find a person who will love me for who i am, love me despite my past and the scars i carry, love me in a way that i'll never be able to explain or understand. that i will find someone who respects my boundaries, who asks "yes or no?" before touching me, who respects if i say "no" and still fucking loves me regardless. someone who can feel like they can be completely themself around me, and that i can feel the same around them. someone who will fall in love with me a little more every day. someone who i'll fall in love with a little more every day.

·

it gives me hope that one day, hopefully someday soon—but i think im willing to wait—i will be happy.

·

All For the Game quite literally changed to course of my life, and i can say with confidence that without it, i would not be here right now.

·

people say that books and shows and movies change there life all the time, but i know that i wouldn't be here without it. these books saved my fucking life. i wouldn't have experienced those mornings, walking into program with a goofy smile on my face, practically vibrating with what i now know was joy, blabbing to every person i ran into that morning abt a boy with scars and a sharp tongue on the run and the small, depressed and angry blond who told him to stay. or nights when i sobbed and sobbed for those boys who deserved better. and i wouldn't have gotten black armbands to cover my scars and match with my two biggest inspirations. or when i have a bad impulsive thought, i wouldnt have a voice in the back of my head going "what would andrew say? what would neil say?" and the vivid image of the small blond giving me a stare, face carefully blank, yet eyes swimming with a mix between disapproval and hope, and the boy covered in scars tentatively giving me a hug, a bit awkward at first, but he's a lovely hugger and eventually, awkwardness turns into comfort. without it, i don't think id know what pure, honest love is supposed to look like.

·

sorry, i suppose this got quite a bit off track from what got me into aftg, but once i started writing, i couldn't stop.

·

TLDR; i saw fanart on pinterest, DONT REPOST ART WITHOUT PERMISSION, and my life was saved and changed for the better by a book that i stumbled upon, purely by chance.

·

i don't believe in fate, but i do think that i found these books for a reason, and that my life changed because of it. i suppose you could call it the butterfly effect.

[adhdvane]

((for some reason uploading the video straight into tumblr makes it an ever shittier quality than it was before, like using quicktime to screen record is already not great, but dang, at least the sound is fine.)) it’s been nearly a year since the last cerb showdown and the previous one was my first ever and i was just a baby newbie who couldn’t even beat the nm lv70 without getting lucky. now i can beat nm lv 120 while using a kaguya support. i’ve come so far ; - ; i just need to finish farming for the dagger flb because i’ve been waiting all this time for the even to come back so i could even do it.

[sannisideup]

in and out

Falling in love with Luna is easy. It’s a moment’s ripple, and he finds himself head over heels for her. He finds himself searching the crowd for her when she’s not next to him.

Falling in love with Luna is easy. The way her blonde hair shimmers underneath the sun is ethereal in ways he cannot even comprehend. He has never seen someone as beautiful as she; he tends to find himself staring at her in awe.

Falling in love with Luna is easy. Her talks about Nargles make him see the Wizarding World as more than just something he has to save. He loves watching the way her eyes fill with passion as she takes out a magical map and outlines the trek she’s going to go on because she’s “pretty fucking sure” they’re somewhere there.

Falling in love with Luna is easy. She hugs him tight whenever he has a nightmare and she listens wholeheartedly, her fingers softly, unknowingly, making small circles over his knuckles. She sits next to him, her arms around his shoulders whenever he breaks down; he is just a boy, how is he supposed to defeat this evil wizard who has a whole army?

Falling in love with Luna is easy. When she tugs on her lion hat that roars, he feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest. She is perfection wrapped in a bubbly package. He doesn’t know how to do anything but fall head over heels, his heart skipping a beat whenever she walks in the room, his voice stuttering when he asks her out.

Falling in love with Luna is easy. She says “yes”, her voice light, her eyes happy. He is the happiest man on Earth. When he asks her to marry him, his voice doesn’t shake, and he feels proud of himself; it is a feeling incomparable to defeating one of the darkest wizards in the history of wizardkind.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. It starts like a small crack in the glass; his right eyebrow starts to twitch when she mentions another mythical creature and rants about them thrice daily. He starts to dread it whenever she starts her sentences with “there’s a new one”.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. Her bubbly optimism constantly spilling out of her starts to feel suffocating. He finds himself treasuring the moments that he is alone.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. He doesn’t realize it for months; he spends almost every waking moment with the woman he loves and he is happy, isn’t he? He starts to wish that Luna would offer advice, her arms around him start to feel like a noose.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. He shrugs off his untoward thoughts and smiles at his wife whenever he can; she is certainly a sight to behold. He starts to feel the cracks widen when they have their first big fight. He hasn’t washed the dishes and she is upset because he promised he would, and why would you break your promises like that? He feels like he’s drowning in himself; she is pushing him under, under, under.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. It is a curse that refuses to leave, it makes him want to scream in agony. He can feel his love for her dissolve as the months pass by until there is nothing left. He realizes it when he no longer finds her beautiful.

Falling out of love with Luna is slow. He shakes in despair, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to lose her but he doesn’t want to be with her either. He is stuck and it is worse than dying.

When he tells her he wants a divorce, he can feel the light getting sucked out of her. Her eyes dim and fill with unshed tears. She is visibly hurting but he feels nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

When he sits alone in his new apartment, with no furniture, bare walls, and a handful of boxes, he breaks down. His sobs wrack his body, the sounds ricocheting off the empty walls; echoes filling the stale air. He sobs for the woman he has shoved away, for the people he has lost. He sobs for himself, a shell of who he is meant to be. He heaves and feels all the air leave his body.

In and out. In and out. In and out.

He is broken and cracked.

756 words

omg ok so i wrote this in the morning after i woke up & brushed my teeth. within the span of about half an hour so this is definitely the fastest fic that i’ve ever written (at least one that i am quite proud of) also @flawless-sins liked it a heckin’ lot so ohmergawd.

also, you may wonder (or not, maybe you rly rly rly don’t care, i mean i get that but im gonna pretend that u do) how i got to a luna x harry pairing & here is how me friends:

me: i want something non-canon my brain: dramione me: no thats overrated my brain: wolfstar me: im writing one already, i want something new my brain: harry & hermione??? me: lUNAAAAAA

also i hope this gave u some kinda feel & if u liked it feel free to like/repost this, it would make this chica v v happy.

ok adios!

p.s. are u proud of me for writing a fic not based off a song or a prompt? bc i am. proud of myself, that is.

[absolutelybifurious]

homecoming feelings inc (spoilers: most of them will look something like i love tony stark i LOVE tony stark i loVE TONY STARK I LOVE ad nauseum) 

peters video recording of civil war what an absolute babe

“thats not a hug im reaching for the door” (yeah right tony we all know you crave human contact)

why does peter know spanish?

peter taking time to pet the cat *_*

peter desperately looking for ways to help and giving that lady directions,,,, my son

“why did i mention the churro”

peter saving the cat and handing it back to the shop owner LIKE OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM 

michelle doing situps with her book

no one will convince me flash doesnt have a massive gay crush on peter parker yall, i mean cmon?? HE MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM CLASSIC CRUSH SIGNS,,, hes legitimately obsessed with him, like i’m not kidding i can’t remember the specifics but several times i was like ok this is just kinda coded like hes into peter actually?

“you’re here too” “am i?” truly the best scene in the film michelle is a gift and zendaya is our glorious goddess who has bestowed this wonder on us

god the van scene, i immediately loved donald glover but that could be bc hes cute. but the thing is, this movie did such a Job of making peter immature. like i was continuously frustrated with him bc he was so markedly different and less mature than any of the other heroes. he screwed up again and again and again and the kidness of him was so well done. like it infuriated me half the time. but damn it was well done

TONY INSTALLED A HEATER IN PETERS SUIT

TONY WAS PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO PETER THAT HE NOTICED WHEN THINGS WENT POORLY

TONY LISTENED TO THE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF REPORTS PETER SENT AND REMEMBERS THE FUCKING CHURRO

tony wants to talk to peter about his college plans

tony stark is the best dad ever, and really in general he is the best person ever and no one will ever tell me that there is a person with a better heart in the MCU BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING NOT 

TONY STARK IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM

poor ned :( “that hats not working” i was really mad at peter for the way he kept ditching all hsi real life friends

kinda glad vulture killed that guy what a disrespectful douche

“i thought that was the anti gravity gun” “wHAT NO” hmMmMmMm I LOVE

also he treats his other ppl with a lot of respect and later the ppl still think they can leave and like, thats cool

michelle noticing what peters quit already

i have a hot date with black widow later

that is false

another long one: i didnt super buy peters crush on liz. it felt really faked because he never really made choices for her, and i get that he was more into spiderman but i never felt the significance of the crush... i think that was played over a little bit too much

also i dont think ive been this impressed with a villain in the marvel franchise since loki. vulture was so compellingly realistic. i know they tried that shit with whats his face from civil war but he was so irrelevant i didnt care. vulture was relevant, scary, but also emotionally compelling

fucking taser web

you jumped off the sign and landed on your face

i love karen

i read a post about tony coding an AI thats emotionally encouraging and invested in peters life bc tony is invested in peters life and like iw ant to die

i just dont want to celebrate something built by slaves

THE GUARDS LIKE PREACH

michelle is a gift

“kiss her peter”

“thank you”

donald glover I HAVE A NEPHEW YEEEEEEEEEE BOY GIVE ME MILES I DESERVE IT

the whole interrogation scene was golden,,,, “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN KAREN” 

you’re a criminal!!! you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!! criminal!! i love peter so much

TONY STARK CALLING TO TELL PETER WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID IN DC TONY STARK BEING A SUPPORTIVE, GOOD PARENT AND WANTING TO MAKE SURE PETER KNOWS HE IS PAYING ATTENTION 

peter just keeps causing disaster after disaster 

that whole ferry scene had me cringing

but he tried so hard to help everyone!!

tonys anger after it was totally warranted. i dont blame him for taknig the suit. 

MY FAVORITE LINE: if you really cared you’d be here AND TONY MOTHERFUCKING STEPS OUT OF THE SUIT

and god rdj brings the fuCKING PAIN you can see how panicked he is how muc hhe doesnt want to hurt peter but how SCARED he is bc peter isnt listening to him and god!!! what if something happened to peter!! you can hear the self loathing and the pain that hes carrying from all the other movies all he wants to do is make sure nothing happens to peter or anyone else

tony listened to peter to try and stop the vulture, tony takes him seriously!!!!!!!!!!! tony is such a good dad and such a good person and HOLY SHIT!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!

hes hurting so much in that scene he doesnt wanna be like howard HE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO HELP PETER IM UNDONE

also look how well peter got back on track after he lost the suit

still ??? at the liz scene tho?? i just didnt feel that relationship much at all, there wasnt anything there

PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST 

MMMM THATS SOME GOOOOOOD SHIT 

and once again vulture is incredibly compelling bc that brings a whole new context to why his face changed re: dc and why he didnt try to kill peter on the ferry

michelle doing the casual flip-off, god i love her so much??

holy shit peter in the wreckage, tom holland go off that acting tore my heart in half AND THEN HE REMEMEBRED TONY WORDS

CMON SPIDERMAN I AM SOBBING

FLASH ASKING DO YOU REALLY KNOW PETER PARKER HES IN LOVE

vultures desperation in this final scene is,,,wow, you fucking feel it, it makes sense. hes such a compelling villain.

peter saving vulture what a fucking babe

liz really is a sweet girl i wish i’d believed the crush more bc she deserves all the love

my friends call me mj YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gimme that michelle/peter RN

michelle acting like she doesnt care and then THAT LOOK THAT LOOOOK OMG ZENDAYA KILLED ME HOW DID SHE CONVEY SO MUCH ACTUAL LOVE AND COMPASSION AND CRUSH 101 IN A 2 SECOND CLIP YALL

happy in the bathroom. goodbye to me.

can we talk about tony? being so ecstatic that peter did all this? tony saying thatw as the tough love moment you needed and being so convinced that it wasnt and so convinced by his own acting that he could never actulally ahve inspired anything like that so hes just going to blaze ahead and not even acknowledge that yes!! it was actually!!!!!!!! he was a great father figurei n that moment and in this whole movie 

but he doesn’t believe that so he’s just going to keep being sarcastic to cover up for the fact that he doesnt think any of this had almost anything to do with him and everthing to do with peter

bc he has no concept of his own self-worth and yet to contrast that he directly inflates it and is so used to ppl disregarding it and accusing him of having an ego that even in this moment when he does something really amazing he makes it about his fake-ass ego and doesn’t let anyone actually give him credit for anything bc he is too busy giving himself fake-credit that he uses as an excuse in every other scene to call himself a piece of shit,,, that other ppl use to call him that bc ppl cant see through it bc he doesnt actually WANT anyone looking too closely, and yet, in this scene, he seems to be using it to exempt peter from actually acknowledging what he did was good bc hahaha im a self-congratulatory egomaniac

anyway hahahaha i love tony stark

also he is sad, he wants peter to stay with him, but he lets it go bc he recognizes it was the mature choice (and probably not the one he’d ahve made) 

hes so proud of peter i want to die

PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE RING!!

they’re both so confused about happy and the ring i love it

PEPPER!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE BACK!!!!!!!!! THANK FUCKING JESUS BC IF SOMEONE DIDNT LOVE TONY STARK IN THIS DARK TIME THEN IW OULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THIS FICTIONAL REALM AND DO IT MYSELF

that little kiss was everything she lvoes him i love them

ugh

this movie was gr8 a++++

i love my son tony stark and his son peter parker and his future wife michelle