#this is in between the events of stabby stabby and them getting home Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[foragergnome]

You'll draw whatever you say??? :3 How about Grant playing with either or both of the twins? As teens/kids that is

they look younger here BUT!! here u go :3

[crimeronan]

ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.  

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing.  and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do.  i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

-

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually.  i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

-

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love.  love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die.  love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive.  but maybe i wish i did.  spite doesn’t help me much there.  spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable.  there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me.  i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral.  that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless.  but it would be a lie of omission.  spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them.  cry on them.  support each other.  like each other.  fine.”  you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes.  i have people i love.  i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner.  i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone.  i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them.  i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival.  i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received.  (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this.  i’ve told them all this, they know.  they’re glad of it.)

so.  what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world.  it’s all the little connections i’ve made.  every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe.  hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away.  no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane.  partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn.  blue  light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs.  my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain.  right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting.  but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space.  it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there.  it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration.  rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years.  i have to start smaller.  i’m not used to keeping physical objects.  dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual.  but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken.  there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know.  i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch.  they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds.  there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone.  i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard.  we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway.  some seem to have sprouted by accident.  mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence.  the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment.  birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with.  we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky.  i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie.  i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get.  i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above.  i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom.  the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself.  in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall.  we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours.  the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth.  mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it.  slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites.  the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate.  of course we’d end up behind someone.  this isn’t divine intervention.  this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic.  if i want it to be.  

and it was.  it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing.  i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building.  and i can keep going.  i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here.  you get the picture.  love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

-

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise.  although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much.  probably some of them would enjoy my death.  i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike.  a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay.  because i’m bipolar.  because i’m autistic.  because i’m a dropout.  because i grew up poor.  because my spine curves and my shoulders ache.  because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right.  that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it.  mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now.  by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth.  i ask for what i want.  i use my time how i want.  i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation.  no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too.  everyone i love.  it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe.  the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included.  i never know if i’m feeling what other people do.  i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me.  i don’t touch it all the time.  but i don’t pretend it isn’t there.  it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes.  it presses at my throat.  it curdles in my stomach.  it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate.  it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile.  it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors.  i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir.  there are a thousand ways to describe this thing.  the descriptors aren’t important.  what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor.  this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.”  this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist.  it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop.  it wants what it wants, it does what it does.  possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me.  to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses.  it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it.  i cannot fight with myself.  i cannot beat my monster into submission.  if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger.  it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it.  can’t kill it.  can’t muzzle it.  can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.  

alright.  

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me.  can’t fix it.  will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric.  hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.  

so fuck that, i say. 

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.  

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.” 

 losing battle.  lost war.

 it’s not the monster’s fault.  the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears.  it exists to protect me through scorched earth.  a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury.  it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing.  my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect.  my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.  

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me.  but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes.  what it touches.  what it destroys.  what it burns.  where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person.  i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes.  i want to make the world better for kids like me.  i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born.  i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative.  i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles.  my cognizance slips.  i forget why i care.  i forget what i want.  i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.  

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now.  but it still happens.  it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead.  it’s been fighting them forever.  die like they want?  my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah.  our work isn’t done.  and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

-

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post.  i don’t know if anyone will read it all.  i don’t know if it’ll mean anything.  i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive.  and when i don’t, i love being a monster.  it’s good.  all of it is good.  i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces.  it’s not one or the other, love or spite.  it’s symbiosis.  i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots.  i can’t give them to you.  

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.  

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world. 

 i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system.  adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

[melwritesbadly]

With Wings in All Black

After a tragic turn of events,  Kazama Kaori , AKA Hex, has her investigation swept out from under her by the #2 Pro Hero. Reluctantly she joins Hawks in the pursuit of justice. On top of trying to solve the biggest case of her career, Kaori is still a young woman struggling to find her place in the world. Life is turned upside down as her professional and personal lives start to blend.

Rating: T (subject to change)

Content Warnings: slight language, implied violence/death

________________________________________________________

Assistance Requested: Information and surveillance details urgently needed regarding reported missing persons. Suspected Vigilante involvement, or other syndicates. Please respond for additional details.

Status of current investigation: Ongoing

__________ 

A Murder of One                        

Hex adjusted the dial on the receiver on her headgear tuning in to the frequency of the microphone planted in the bar below her. She hoped the ungodly amount of paperwork she traded for the device was worth it.  The other detectives at the station simply shrugged at her evidence- or rather, her lack-thereof.

Still it didn’t change the facts.

Fact 1- Low level criminals are disappearing.

Fact 2- People are disappearing

Fact 3- No one cared- but her.

Fact 4- Takei Kenji, one of the missing, had recently been seen in the area and was seemingly ‘not himself’ as described by the anonymous tip that was forwarded to her.

Takei Kenji, age 27. Minor invulnerability quirk. Last known occupation: ‘Nightwatchman’ for a warehouse commonly used for clandestine meetings for the local riff-raff. Reported missing by his mother 3 weeks ago.

After speaking with Mrs. Takei, she pieced together Kenji’s new schedule. After tailing him a few days he truly seemed like a new man, reformed. 

His dress was proper and pristine, clean shaven and hair combed and presentable. It was a stark contrast to the photo used on the missing person flier taped to her pinboard (along with all the other missing persons). With no discernible pattern, at least not to her, about the next victim(?) or the whereabouts of any of the others, Kenji was her best, and only lead.

Tonight, she could expect him to show at one of his usual haunts.  The bar below her. Not to her personal taste, the clientele of the more stabby nature. 

Earlier that week she managed to convince the bartender to spill a few snippets of the conversations between Kenji and the other patrons.

“The Bard this, The Bard that.” griped the bartender as he dumped the trash into the alley dumpster. “It’s pissing off my regulars and they’re pissy enough as it is.” 

He should have been here an hour ago though. Hex sucked on her lower lip, displeased as she scanned the road leading to and from the bar entrance. She’d give it another half hour then try and regroup on his trail in the morning.

“Cheers to another late night.” she muttered to herself listening in to the chatter and ambiance of the dive bar. 

________

Her 30 minutes go by and she huffs before finally switching the receiver off.  She’d go by tomorrow to get the mic back.  Just as she was about to stand from her perch Hex heard the unmistakable beat of wings above her, large ones, judging by the sound. 

It reminded her of her father. Probably one of the last people she wanted to see right now. Especially since her only lead ditched her for the night.

This night sucks.

 Hex thinks to herself, finally looking up intending to see the dark wings of King Crow finally come to drag her home but instead, she sees red.

This has to be the reason Kenji never showed. The thought bounces around her head angrily as none other than the number 2 Hero in Japan descended from the nightly heavens and landed on her rooftop.

This night really sucks.

“Yo!” Hawks held up a hand in greeting neatly folding his very noticeable wings against his back, shoving the other hand into his pocket.

“Will you get down!” Hex harshly whispers, gesturing him to stoop down and out of sight.

“Jeesh, hi, hello how are you? I’m fine, thanks for asking.” he jokes casually but still squats down feet planted on the ground resting his arms on his knees. Hex shakes her head and resumes her post looking up and down the street despite her previous resignation.

“You’re Hex right?” he starts “I’m-” She cuts him off not taking her eyes off the street.

“Obviously I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are. Especially every lowlife in the area who’ve probably fled after seeing your chicken legs flailing in the wind.”

“Ooo, ah, that’s my physical appearance. That hurts you know.” Feigning  being wounded, Hawks placed a hand over his heart but still kept the jovial tone. A smart smirk inching up his cheek continuing. 

“But you’re not after ‘every lowlife’, though right? Just the one. Takei Kenji?'' 

She turned to him and tilted her head, large round eyes finally meeting his sharper, more angled ones. 

“How did you...?” she trailed off, honestly surprised. It wasn’t common knowledge on how her ‘investigation’ was going. Uncommon because, well quite frankly… no one cared. Especially other Heroes. 

“Sorry Chickadee but I got some bad news.” Hawks stood back up and crossed his arms leaning against a nearby cooling unit.

Hex rolled her eyes

“Don’t call me that. What happened?” She looked up at him.

“Well, one of my guys found your guy in… not great shape.” 

Hex cursed running a hand through the back of her head, then sighed.

“How bad?” prepping for his answer.

“Morgue bad”

“Dammit!” cursing again, pinching her brow reeling from the implications.

“Your buddies at the station said you'd might want to know as a professional courtesy” brow pinched once more, Hex felt the annoying start of a headache between them.

“Courtesy? For what...” a thought flashing through her mind and she stood eyes going wide “Don’t you dare close my case!” jabbing a finger in his direction.

 He turned his head to face her more, still calm, still leaning, still observing.

“Close it? Oh no, wouldn’t think of it Chickadee. I’m taking over the investigation.”

Hex gaped. Momentarily at a loss for words. The frustrations starting to come to a point at the back of her neck, feeling an uncomfortable bristle forming.

“What no, you can’t! Do you know how much work” gesturing wildly with her hands “How much time! The favors I had to do, the resources I scrounged for-”

“Which are no longer a problem.” He blocked one ear with a finger and shot her what would have been an award winning smile “No need to shout Hex. Obviously I want to keep you,”  He paused, throwing a wink her way  “Keep you on the investigation that is.”

Hex scoffed,her head bobbing back as she shot him an incredulous look.

“I don’t do agencies, and I’m no one's sidekick.” she threw another annoyed jab of her finger in his direction.

“Ooo touchy. Freelance then. Sound good Chickadee?” Hawks held up his hand to maybe physically shield him from her ire.

“Stop calling me that and maybe I’ll let you help”

He smiled-no smirked again pushing off of the cooling unit he was leaning on stepping towards her shrugging his shoulders.

“That doesn't sound like a mutually beneficial arrangement to me.” Hex rolled her eyes and crossed her arms haughtily with a huff.

“And how does calling me stereotyped nickname benefit you, birdbrain.” 

Hawks chuckled. He didn’t expect it to be so easy to ruffle her feathers.

This was going to be fun.

“Isn’t that how these buddy cop movies play out? One hard-ass with a secret heart of gold and their handsome, comic relief partner put aside their differences to crack the case and learn the meaning of cooperation and friendship. Roll credits”

Hex tilted her head and shot him an unamused expression, opening her mouth to speak.

“I am not a hardass-” she stopped herself holding her palm up to stop the little banter she was getting pulled into. “Can you circle back, Takei Kenji?��

“Can we circle back to this team up? After all this is my case now?” 

Hex scrunched up her nose, not pouting, she told herself, and re-crossed her arms.

“Sounds like something a hardass would say.” she snarked and he grinned again, throwing his arms up bringing them down behind his head.

“You caught me. Hawks, the hardass with a heart of gold. Guess that makes you my handsome, no wait, beautiful partner then. So how's about it Chickadee?”

“Uhg” Hex clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes again. Squaring her shoulders she placed her hands on her hips

“I want a contract. Full access and authority over any and all future developments and details about my case.” Hawks nodded but shot her a finger gun.

“Our case.”

“Whatever!” she sighed looking up at the night sky hands still on her hips. 

“The agency manager can draft up whatever you’d like tomorrow. Let’s go see what Kenji had in his pockets shall we?”

Hex nodded reaching up to her headgear. She flicked the visor portion that was pushing her hair back over her eyes. The experimental mirrored tint softening the city night lights. She switched the setting on her earpiece making sure the seal around the was snug. Hawks floated a foot above the ground looking a little bored as he waited.

 Show off

Hex activated her own quirk, the bundle of jet black feathers at the base of her hair sending a shiver down her spine causing other inky feathers to erupt from her skin. The ebony plumes forming patterned rows along her arms covering them completely. 

Letting them creep upwards to the sides of her neck but stopped them before then could go any further on her body. Just enough for her to achieve flight. She did a small jump maintaining the upward moment with a strong flap of her feather covered arms and started for the station.

Harpy Hero: Hex

Quirk: Harpy- Half human, half bird! She’s able to do most things a bird can do and then some! Most notably, she can grow enough feathers to achieve flight.

______

There is no traffic in the sky and the previously chatty #2 Hero was silent during their flight. Hex was thankful, it gave her some time, however brief, to think.

This new development was...tragic. Someone would have to tell Mrs.Takei in the morning.

It should be me...

It’s just, Kenji was small time.  So why would he turn up dead?

And more importantly...

Hex cast a look in her periphery at the Fierce Wing Hero.

How did this fall into the lap of the number 2 Hero?

______

Hawks landed first. Not bothering to tame his windswept hair but did look up to observe Hex’s descent. She wasn’t quite as fast as him, well, then again, no one was. But she was graceful and skilled as she navigated the air currents. 

Fanning her wings wide Hex slowed her movements getting ready to land. A few more well practiced flutters and she also touched back down. Before she can remove her headgear she dispels her feathers. Casting them off with a quick flick of her arms. She hardened them into slivers then ground them to sand with another flick to minimize the mess and general rudeness of not picking up after your quirk.

She adjusted her headgear and hair and blatantly ignored the cheeky claps and nods of approval from the man besides her. She strode past him and up into the station. The night reception paid her no mind but did double take when they saw Hawks’s crimson wings engulfing their foyer.

Just outside the morgue waited a man with an impressive and well manicured mustache. He wore a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, suspenders and the first few buttons open.

“This her boss?” he asked in an accent indicating that he was from Australia. 

“Hex,” she offered “And you are?”

“Duke Amazing. Pleasure.” he greeted offering his hand. She was not expecting such a strong handshake.

“Given the circumstances…” she trailed off.  “You found Takei?”

“Well, what’s left that is…” Duke gestured to the door he was waiting in front of  “They’ve finished up for now. Just waiting on the bossman for the paperwork and whatnot.” He made another gesture in the direction of a door a little ways down the corridor.

“They’ve got his belongings in there”

“Perfect, cross the t’s and dot the i’s for me Duke?” before his sidekick could answer Hawks was already starting down the corridor. Hex followed close behind. 

Duke shook his head crossing his arms.

“June’s gunna pitch a fit again Hawks”

“Op, can’t hear you, the doors closing!” gently shoving Hex in the room and hastily closed the door behind them.

“Uhg paperwork” He bemoaned and leaned against the door

“Paperwork” Hex commiserated but was already looking over the items laid out on the small table.

There wasn’t much but everything was bagged, labeled and detailed on a piece of paper next to the items.

There was a small wallet, no money, a personal ID card. An older model cell phone, unusable. Most likely damaged in whatever altercation Kenji found himself in.

“Probably a burner” Hawks shrugged “Still, I'll get someone to pull the numbers.”  He made no move to examine the items himself but instead watched Hex very carefully as she examined each one. 

She cupped her chin as she looked at the final piece of evidence, brow furrowed.

“I’ve seen this before...” she commented, turning over the small business card over front to back several times examining it. 

While it was the same shape and card stock as a business card it held no information. No address, phone number, or even a business name. All that was printed was an indigo triangle.

“What is it?” He was curious because he had no idea what the shape meant either.

“I…” she started, brows still furrowed. “I have no idea, but I know I've seen this...” 

She placed the bagged card back on the table and leaned over it rubbing her hand to the back of her neck smoothing down her feathers there. The memory of where she’d seen this particular shape eluding her.

“Maybe at his apartment?” she muttered to herself, then sighed

“I’ll have to go back over my notes.” Hex leaned up from the table and unzipped her jacket pulling out her phone and snapped a quick picture on the item.

“How about we meet back up tomorrow then. Let me give you my number.” Hawks held out his palm asking for her phone. She was just about to hand it over but thought better and pulled it back causing him to catch air.

“No social calls, no memes at 3 in the morning, no unsolicited pictures.” her tone stern

“What if they’re tasteful?” he made a grabby motion with his hands and gave his brows a waggle.

“They’re never tasteful.” she quipped back but finally relented and handed over her phone.

Hawks flipped it over in his hands and quickly typed in his information jokingly setting the name for his number “Unsolicited dick pics” with an appropriate emoji next to it. He sent himself a quick text with her phone then clicked hers off and handed it back to her.

He was extremely pleased when she didn’t double check his contact info and simply zipped the phone back into her pocket. His little joke would be a fun surprise for the morning then.

“Send me where you want to meet tomorrow” She pressed her fingers to the back of her neck again “I’m heading out. Looong night” 

Hawks moved away from the door and let her pass, parting for the night.

“Well that led to a whole lotta nothing” He mused to himself finally taking his turn to look over the offending card stock.

“It’s never an easy mess to clean up is it?” He tossed the card back on the table.

_________________________________

[jellyfishdooter]

Okay so, back when I asked for asks for my Ego DnD AU, @lace-maze sent a really good ask a while back asking about why each of the egos chose the characters they did and their playing styles- and I can’t for the LIFE of me find the original anywhere on my blog. ;3;

But! I finished it and I bet it reads horribly but whatever who cares I’m tired- enjoy!

So to FINALLY answer your question, the way I went about choosing what each of the egos would play more or less boiled down to a combo of trying to pick what I think THEY would want to play, and what I figured they would be in the Dungeons and Dragons universe. (wink wonk)

Marvin- Dragonborn Sorcerer

One of the top veterans of the game, he likes to play something with more of a challenge and a lot more mechanics. And since he’s a magician it’s definitely has to deal with magic of some kind (I mean c’mon, he’s already got the aesthetic wardrobe irl for it so why not?). So he’s currently playing a Sorcerer- a magic caster who has the power naturally within him (which ties in his Race for it’s from his draconic bloodline:)

He could have easily chosen his race to be a Tabaxi (a human-cat like hybrid), but he already got enough shit of being the “furry” of the group as it was so instead he decided to go for a Dragonborn. In the game there are different types of Dragonborn, so specifically he’s Brass- which both deals fire damage breath, and is also resistant to fire.

Being one of the older players, his play style depends on the day. For the most part he is the cool, collected member of the party who doesn’t rush in and thinks things through... Until it’s later in the evening with a few drink in ‘em and then they just say, “Yeah, this might as well happen.” Before taking another shot and round-housing someone poor guy’s ass for mocking his scaly features.

Jackie- Half-Orc Fighter

Always wanting to be the hero, Jackie wants to fight and protect his fellow party members. He only has a few sessions under his belt, but he’s confident in saying that he's comfortable with playing more tanky characters and dealing heavy damage.

Jackie doesn’t have a lot of reasoning for his Race other than Orcs Are Cool so he just rolls with that.

As for his Class he likes having a bunch of different fighting styles to choose from while in combat so he can pick and choose which would work best for the situation (they also get more of a range in picking which Armor Class they want-).

His play style is Protect the Party, but also Rush In Head First Into Danger. He’s always in the front lines of a fight to tank the most damage and provide cover for the more squishy characters. It can get quite frustrating for the healer at times when he runs battleaxe-first into battle, leaving his head behind.

Speaking of healers-

Henrik- High Elf Alchemist

A lot like Anti, Henrik found the idea of playing to be quite silly. But once he got into it, the doctor found it quite enjoyable to get into a fantasy character and forget about the real world for a couple of hours. But wanting to retain some kind of dignity, he decided to play as a High Elf. He was drawn to their grace, wonderlust for adventure, and near perfectionism. To say the least, it's easy for him to slip into character.

Strictly speaking, Alchemist is not the the 5E DnD Handbook, but Jack allowed it and made some homebrew additions to the character so their party would actually have a fucking healer. So in addition to the damage-dealing bombs Henrik’s character uses, he also has a special healing bomb he can yeet at the other players when needed.

Henrik’s play style is serious, but curious. He’s always wanting to explore the world Jack created for them and peacefully interact with the NPCs, enjoying events that unfold naturally. However when it’s time for a proper fight he does not beat around the bush, staying in the back for more long-ranged attacks rather than right on the front lines.

Chase- Human Ranger

The recently-single father needed an outlet other than drinking to try and cope with the loss of his family. So like any good friend, Jack offered Chase a spot in his campaign that he was putting together! He wasn’t too sure at first, Chase said that the game seemed really complex and hard to get into. But Jack waves it off and told his friend, “You honestly have to fully jump into it if you’re gonna get anywhere. There’s not really a small way to start. It’s pretty much all or nothing. But trust me, it’s gonna be great!” And ever since his first session, Chase always looked forward to next week’s game.

Being one of the newer players, Chase doesn’t really play anything too crazy, so he sticks to his guns and runs a Human pc. And he may or may not have based the character on his old life to some degree. Giving himself a stable home, a fulfilling job, and a big loving family and at least 3 dogs. Ya’know, real heavy fantasy stuff.

Jack offered him the newer class/ homebrew of a Gunslinger, but he politely declined ‘cause he didn’t want to have to deal with new rules. So he decided to go with a Ranger for his class, figuring it would make for a cool character to play.

Chase’s play style is pretty average (no pun intended), and not all that spectacular. He gets a few good one-liners in here and there, but for the most part he plays passively. Fights when there’s a fight, and interacts almost only when others interact with him directly. (He’s been trying to get better at being more engaging, but he tends to zone out.)

Jameson- Halfling Bard

This session being JJ’s (and Robbie’s) first ever game, JJ pleasantly surprised Jack when he decided to be a Bard. When asked why, the silent man replied simply, “There’s nothing in the rules saying bards HAVE to sing. At the core of them, they are performers.” Jack beams and asks what’s their instrument of choice then? Jameson smiles and shows him this video, saying he thinks it would be interesting to have this as his musical item. (Also gotta love that good The Bard Seduces Everything trope. He’s keeping that in his back pocket for the right moment.)

As for being a Halfling, Jameson figured it would be fun to play a smaller character. And nobody ever suspects the small man to pack such a whaloop. But really, his love for the hobbits in the Tolkin books had captured his heart and really wanted to try and emulate that in the game! Maybe leaning more towards being a little prankster, but still at the core- in short- Soft Cottage Aesthetic™

Jameson’s play style is bouncy and go-gettem. He’s eager to explore the world and have fun with the NPCs. In battles he’s more comedic relief in the back inspiring the other players (and intimidating enemies by aggressively cranking his music box rapidly). And AT LEAST ONCE he has had Jackie’s character YEET his at the enemy to get the final blow to slay the beast. That was a fun session.

Anti- Changeling Rouge 

Do I really gotta explain this one? 

Naturally Anti always tries to play the edgiest characters he can. Giving them dark, moody personalities but with a slight crazed tick. (Chase naturally calls hypocrisy when Anti says his character is a self-insert to the game.)

I’m almost out of steam here so in short-

Anti loves the idea of having puppets to mess around with irl- so in the game he can somewhat do the same- by changing his figure/ features to mimic those of somebody to manipulate another. He doesn’t care much for the society around him and does his own thing, but can easily blend in and slip into other’s traditions if he needs to. His character has a tendency to pick fights pretending to be someone else before ducking out and watch the fight take place with a smirk on his hidden features. None of the party has ever seen his real face/ form, always changing it subtly so every time someone tries to take a second look something seems different or off.

Rouge: Quick and Stabby. Like the bitch himself.

Robbie- Undead Druid

Jack had to make a special homebrew character for Robbie ‘cause he was set on being an Undead. Apparently Robbie and Marvin talked about character ideas before hand and Robbie got a little overwhelmed with all the options that they had, so Marv suggested something Rob could relate to easier. So after an afternoon of crafting a special stat sheet, Jack allowed their favorite zombie ego to play.. Well, a zombie. (I’m sure someone else has made something similar out there but I might try and make a sheet later.. That could be fun lmao)

As for Druid, I like to see Robbie as being a little more connected to nature than the rest of the egos. Since he.. Yaknow, crawled out of the dirt at one point. (Side story- before the others found him in an old cemetery, he liked to just hang out around the area that was slowly being reclaimed by nature and liked watched the birds and animals). So he was pretty drawn to choosing this class. It’s a little complicated at points, but that’s why Marvin sits between him and JJ, so he can help them out through the whole process. Robbie gets really excited when one of his spells works in combat or just having fun interacting with the NPCs by growing them some flowers to be nice. 

As a whole Robbie’s play style is pretty passive. He gets distracted pretty easily and unless Jack is waving his arms around or using miniatures/ figurines to keep a visual, the zombie will sometimes lose focus and stare off into space for a minute before coming back to the game and raising his hand for something to be repeated.

It’s one big mixing pot of different people and play styles, but at the end of the day, Jack has a lot of fun trying to bounce around and keep up with everyone’s antics and storylines. It’s hard as hell at times and it gets a little frustrating when things get out of hand, but they all try to check each other and keep things rolling. And at the end of the day, all the boys enjoy the game and what Jack has to offer and really fucking enjoy themselves. DnD is a good destresser for most of them and all around a grand fun time!

[goatkingwc]

HIDE & SEEK THE SEWING SAINTS Episode 3 of GKWC

GOAT KING WRITERS CLUB, The loosest storytelling Podcast in all the land, were we don’t let Grammar get in the way of a good yarn.

HIDE & SEEK By Nathan Hull

Contrary to popular belief the fun and games began when i lost my eye. Both eyes to be exact, i'm still not sure how it happened. I was sitting at home bored attempting to do my taxes, when out of nowhere darkness took over... at the exact same time i heard two dull slaps as my peepers hit the floor and rolled off to who knew where.

At first i was shocked and slightly worried, life could possibly become a touch hard without vision. I panicked, flailing around my kitchen smashing and crashing into anything in my proximity before i tripped on a rogue jam jar and hit the ground hard. I was down for some time, contemplating my options when it struck me, this was the greatest thing to ever happen.

In my youth i was a champion hide and seek player, i spent those years traveling from town to town, seeking out hidden children to rapturous applause, from those communities slack jawed populations. Life had been great. That is until i turned 14 and all of a sudden i was forced into retirement. A large man child with unkept strands of facial hair and increasingly bad body odor was NOT who parents wantedwanted hunting there children out of hidey holes, no matter how much of a genius i was at the fine art of hide and seek. It had been a cruel blow i never recovered from. I spent my teenage years home schooled with no friends and little connection with the real world. My parents never forgave me for becoming a teenager, and ruining all of our lucrative sports wear contracts, and their for cutting off our family's main source of income. As i grew i stayed introverted i was ashamed when people brought up my past. They would hide under tables in pubs and restaurants, laughing at me sadly pointing them out to there friends. I had no purpose no real reason to exist i was just floating through life aimlessly. But now... now I had a reason to exist, the greatest game of hide and seek ever, a blind depressed Thirty five year old vs his missing eyes. It was an epic match, it went on for days. I ran into walls, i crawled along the floor, i rolled and flipped and fell and sniffed and listened employing every visionless technique i new during the search.

Eventually almost defeated from dehydration and hunger i swiped out and like two delicious dust covered balls of bubble gum my eyes where back in my hands.I slowly put them back in there respective sockets i took in all i could see, i smiled life was beautiful. I took a drink, ate a ham sandwich and had a well deserved rest. Then i took a spoon popped each eye out and threw them in opposing directions, it was game on again.....a life worth living again. 

THE SEWING SAINTS By Sean Conway

It was a calendar anomaly that Susan had never experienced. Two of the biggest holidays in Susan’s diary converging on a Friday and Saturday night, to form a magical weekend of debauchery.

National Sewing Machine Day was crossing paths with National Bourbon Day. A pair of holiday’s that mean very little to the regular Tom Dick and Harry, But for Susan who is a member of the local sewing group this was a very big deal. Despite their wholesome name, the Sewing Saints are notorious amongst the sewing fraternity for two reasons, first for agreeing to sew the patches for the most diabolical bikie gang in the country The Diablos and second for when Abby McMillion stabbed a rival Sewing group member and received a 4 year sentence in the state penitentiary and garnering the nickname Stabby Abby.

Every year the rival sewing groups would meet up for their annual get together and this year it was the Sewing Saints turn to organise the shin dig. This party took 12 months of planning, and the event was to be held at the Diablos club house, with music by DJ WhizDik and would have so much alcohol, cocaine and prostitutes, it would put the local police Christmas party to shame.

The party was going off without a hitch, the ladies were drinking, dancing, and sneaking off to any free room with their younger male counterparts, even Stabby Abby was cutting lines for the lady she stabbed 4 years earlier.

After an hour of decadence, the bikie prospect Shit Sticks ran through the door to warn the women of the impending danger that was approaching but before he could he was shot dead by a Mexican cartel member. As the cartel member walked triumphantly through the clubhouse, he was somewhat surprised by the lack of bikie members and the overwhelming number of old ladies, but before he could wrap his head around this conundrum he collapsed to the ground with a broken bottle in his throat and Stabby Abby standing over his lifeless corpse.

A drug war between The Diablos and the Mexican cartels had been brewing for years and the Sewing Saints were in the eye of the storm.

Susan lead the charge alongside Stabby Abby, arming every woman and prostitute and demanded they hold the line. With cocaine running through their veins these once old geriatrics fired round after round into the wave of cartel foot shoulders charging the bikie club house.

These old Dames fired on the cartels, but it was no use, for every member they shot 2 more would appear. They fired so furiously that if they continued, they would run out of ammunition before the end of the next Whizdik song Susan knew that there was only one way to win this battle, and that was to plant a bomb in the path of the charging cartel. As she collected the explosives needed for the suicide mission, she was stopped at the exit by Stabby Abby who starred into her eyes with blood lust and said “you’re not going without me” before doing a bump of coke off her clenched fist and running into the wilderness.

The clubhouse was eerily quiet, the music had stopped, the ammunition had run out and the only thing you could hear is the gurning of the old timers jaws.

KABOOM I giant orange light illuminated the midnight darkness followed by the sound of blood and guts raining down on the clubhouse that caused an air of excitement amongst the people in the room. The excitement had quickly turned to mourning as they realised their survival had cost the Sewing Saints their two greatest assets, the room collectively dropped their heads in despair for the lose of Susan and Stabby Abby

“What are all you sluts mopping around for” a blood soaked Stabby Abby screamed walking arm in arm with Susan to the thunderous roar of coke filled seniors.

Susan sat at the bar feeling content, sipping her first Bourbon on National Bourbon Day watching on as the old biddies danced and snorted lines. She smiled because she knew, The Sewing Saints had put on the best damn National Sewing Machine Day party ever.

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[chisie12]

Kisame Week Day 3: Blood in the Abyss

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20036536/chapters/47871880#workskin

The worldbuilding is going crazy but I don’t know if I’m ever gonna use them all. Sorry it took a while. I hope you enjoy!

Rated: Teen/Up for swearing

~*~*~

“I never thought such a random quest will trigger this.”

“Mm.”

“Are you really getting slack-jawed at this, Beast? It’s a fallen kingdom, a pile of rubble and stones.”

“A golden rubble. How much money can I get if I sell that?”

“You sell that and NPCs will stab your ass.”

A scoff. “As if.”

“Those mermen with shiny stabby sticks might.”

“What mermen –!”

It was a step too near, too close for the comfort of the NPCs. A breach of their borders, even if their sacred kingdom had fallen, they would protect it till their last breath!

Seeing danger approaching, Tailless Beast quickly swam to the side, dodging the valiant charge by the NPC Mermen. As they tried to escape, he couldn’t help but wonder how she had been able to catch sight of the mermen when he was unable to. Ducking under the rubble, Akira and Tailless pushed off the fallen pillar with their legs, briefly increasing the distance between them if only for a little, and with the small extra distance, the two players could finally observe the pursuing NPCs.

 Grieving Merman Guard (Level 52)

HP: 280,000/280,000

 Tailless Beast pursed his lips, bringing his broadsword up to his side, sick of running away while Akira furrowed her eyebrows. That word was nagging at her mind, magnified and dancing teasingly. Normal NPC monsters would not be named as such, unless...

“Beast, stop!” A forceful tug at Tailless Beast’s large arm interrupted his skill and he shifted his glare from the returning Merman Guards onto the smaller, human figure by his side. His jaw opened, pointy teeth bared in a snarl, the urgency rising higher within him but Akira simply returned it with a deadpanned. “Calm down, will you? You’re always looking for a fight!”

Before the furious Blade Master could retort, Akira had already pulled him out of Atlantis borders and the pursuing Merman Guards immediately halted their bloodthirsty pursuit, stopping a couple of meters shy from them. Up close, they could see the smooth skin of the Mermen, darkened by the black circles and bags under their dull eyes. Scales gleamed, though dull, under the dim shine in the sea from their waist down, revealing hips entirely covered with the same scales that ended in long, thick fish tails instead of legs. In the lore of Eden, it was said that the Merfolk were humans blessed by Suijin, the Water God that presides over all things water, a manifestation from the people’s beliefs of a benevolent presence that resided in the element. And water to them, was the source of life!

With intruders beyond their borders, the Merman Guards relaxed their stances and started to swim back to their positions when a gentle voice called out to them.

“There are no words that I can offer you to ease your grief, but the great land of Atlantis will always be remembered and revered in my heart,” Akira solemnly said. When the two Merman Guards turned around, they saw the Elementalist bow at the waist, long hair softly waving in the water at her lowered head. Moving their spears to their left hand, the guards held out three fingers with their right hand, thumb and little finger folded in, and placed it over their hearts before also lowering their bodies into a low bow, returning her respect with one of their own: The Trident’s Heart, where their king and the land of Atlantis would forever remain in their hearts. Seeing the situation, Tailless Beast gave his respects and bowed as well, but the guards blatantly ignored him and addressed Akira.

“We thank you, kind traveller, for your words. If I may so bold to ask, what is your purpose in visiting Atlantis?”

Akira was silent for a moment as she contemplated her words carefully, before deciding to risk it with the truth, praying that Mermaid Knight Rie was at least someone respected in their ranks since they were both of a similar profession. “I was guided here by Mermaid Knight Rie with the hope that I could uncover the truth behind her death.”

Like a crack on the dam slowly spreading outwards, the guards’ smiles slipped away, eyes widening in agonised disbelief as words tried to crawl out of their trembling lips. “Y-You know... of Her Highness – M-Mermaid Knight Rie?”

Akira sneaked a glance at Tailless Beast, who had turned to look at her too. That little stumble caught their attention, piquing their interest. The Merman Guard was pale as he lowered his head, his friend edging closer and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Before, Rie had been just a mere Mermaid Knight. A Mermaid Knight that, to Akira, was not anyone special, that this quest would be simple enough to complete. Now, however, that simple Mermaid Knight turned out to be – possibly – a princess. A new turn of events,  a different perspective. The quest was no longer as simple as they expected. Because in the end, it was different if a mere Mermaid Knight died; her death most likely insignificant, definitely not enough to affect Atlantis’ downfall. But a princess? That was on a whole different level. A princess was, could be, reason enough for the entire fall of the kingdom. And then, thinking about it, if it was a princess... Akira turned to Tailless Beast.

What was a simple quest, now turned to be a complicated plot – their two quests, likely related.

“There’s probably a big boss to fight. Yay for you.” The edges of her lips curled while she sent him a whisper.

And he happily returned it with a toothy grin, “That makes things interesting.”

A soft chuckle under her breath, a small shake of her head and she turned back towards the guards before lowering her head slightly. “I do not personally know of Mermaid Knight Rie. I’ve only been tasked to find out the truth behind her death.”

The two guards stiffened, tails waving in the sea ever so slowly, but Akira noticed that they were inching back bit by bit. “By who?”

Her mouth clammed shut, forehead creased. She couldn’t exactly tell them it was a quest given by the game, but she couldn’t not answer them either. If this continued, the conversation wasn’t going to end well. Unless...

Akira’s head perked up, eyes bright with hope and she lifted her hand, deliberately slow while she observed their reactions. The guards’ faces twisted back into hostility, the grip on their spears tightening as they in return watched her hand suspiciously. They knew of Elementalists, of the magic they hold over the elements, that a mere wave of their hands can control an element’s will and bend it to their desires. Even if the one before them wore red coloured robes that indicated her control over fire, it wouldn’t be surprising if she knew a water spell or two.

Akira’s fingers inched closer to her chest, still agonisingly slow, but extremely careful as they slipped into her robe, little by little, until a cold smooth surface tickled her fingertips and her fingers gently wrapped around it. Words were stuck in her throat, the silence tense and suffocating and heavy, sparking with hostility and wariness, and she looked into the eyes of the guards as she slowly tugged the item out, fingers uncurling to reveal the pearl on the necklace. Mermaid Knight Rie’s Tear.

“T-That...” The Merman Guards had their eyes and mouths dropped open in stunned silence, before they started to tremble, mournful gazes shifting from the pearl to Akira and they swam a little closer, as if to confirm what they saw was true, that it wasn’t the light in the water playing tricks with them.... But the iridescent gleam on the pearl, a shimmering ivory tinted with the colours of the rainbow dancing together, it was real.

It was definitely real. Genuine. Only hers and those of the royal blood could produce that pearl. But was it really Rie’s?

Steeling his resolve, the other guard that had remained silent lifted his head to look at Akira and spoke up, “Kind traveller, may I perform a test to determine its legitimacy?”

“Of course you may, esteemed guard,” Akira agreed immediately. Her hands wound around the back to remove the necklace when a calloused hand, marked and hardened from the years of battle, of wielding the spear to protect his home, stopped her gently with a fleeting touch and the guard graced her with a soft smile and shake of his head. With the same hand floating below the necklace, he flipped it over palm up and waved it around fluidly at the wrist, almost like algae twirling with the currents. Streams of water collected at his fingertips, separating from the sea itself and convening in his palm like a second pocket of water, which swirled up to fully encapsulate the pearl and his hand in a mini globe. Tailless Beast and Akira watched on curiously, wondering silently at the lack of reaction when the guard flicked his thumbnail over his second finger, easily drawing blood with the swift cut, blood that was drawn to the pearl like a moth to a flame. The blood stopped short by the pearl, bobbing sluggishly, its movements growing slower and slower when the pearl gleamed a pale golden glow, like a small star in the sky.

As the golden glow gleamed, the blood slowly started to dissipate, dissolve into nothingness, but it was the wound on the guard’s finger that truly held their attention. That little tiny cut upon hardened skin began to seek each other out, one cut epidermis layer to another, like a pair of long lost lovers finally reuniting and the cut flicked gold, the colour emerging strong at one end and tracing along the cut, where the colour passed was where the gap in the wound welded shut.

Tailless Beast and Akira’s eyes widened further with each passing second as they watched the marvel, surprise evident in their attentive gazes, coming out as murmured gasps escaping under their breaths. There was only one thing they could fathom. If Mermaid Knight Rie was truly a princess and she possessed – possibly the only one who did because why else would the guard wish to check? – the ability of healing, she would have been desired by many, by multiple parties that wanted that power, that in a war, she could possibly, simply, turn the tides of war. Was the entire sea their search site!?

“It... it is, H-Her High – Mermaid Knight Rie’s tear. It is. Oh King Aenon, was this your will?” The guard wailed, sorrow rolling off his cries in waves, agony, relief flooding his system, and he was joined by his partner who sobbed and shook, tremors attacking his robust body.

“I apologise for having to interrupt,” Akira voice out, soft and gentle, just barely audible for the guards to hear, melding into their cries like a soft cloud. “But I hope to succeed with the task I've been entrusted to. May you point us into the direction of Mermaid Knight Rie’s tomb?”

“Y-Yes, honoured guest. Right this way.”

“Thank you, brave men. Is it alright if I brought a guest along?”

“Yes, yes. Of course. As long as the person is a friend of honoured guest, he or she is welcomed.”

Akira looked at Tailless Beast, face half angled towards him with a smile, a small upwards tilt of her lips at a corner with eyes half lidded, full of taunt and confidence. “Hehe.”

Tailless Beast scoffed, strapping his broadsword back onto his back and moved to take a step forward.

[Clear Shadow sent a video message. Click to view.]

The corner of his lips twitched. He averted his gaze to glance at her, hearing the giggle echo in his mind.

“Aww, not going to open it, Beast?”

“No.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever you say.”

He watched her walk away, following after the Merman Guards who waited upon her. He glanced back at the message as he fell into step behind her, curious and dreading the content.  They swam through the rubble, past the golden kingdom, clean from any red algae that would grow in these deep waters with only colourful corals littering the ground. The journey was in silence, the guards occasionally pausing and looking back, waiting for Akira to catch up before continuing once again. Tailless Beast felt the curiosity return in the endless silence following them.

“Tch.”

He tapped on the message, opening the video and immediately after, a loud, lilt voice blared in his ears as the man started singing: “Never gonna give you up; Never gonna let you down –!”

Akira twitched when she felt a heavy stare on her back, only to find Tailless Beast glaring at her heatedly. With a knowing giggle, she waved and kicked her legs harder to catch up to the guards. A growl rumbled at the back of his throat as he chased after her grumpily.

Soon, they left the borders of the kingdom, leaving the plains covered in red algae and towards a rocky area. Every now and then, schools of small marine life would swim past the group and without fail, they would swim nearer to Akira, butting their heads at her midriff, wishing to be pet, tails wagging almost like excited pups. The guards would always watch with a smile, tinged with sadness as Akira traced her fingers along the fishes, sometimes even letting them nibble on her fingertips. They never rushed her, never voiced out their impatience, only waited wordlessly, almost in obeisance, whereas Tailless Beast scooted further, watching the scene with an unexplainable emotion.

“I'm sorry! I don’t know why this is happening!” Her mellifluous laughter rang clear, glee infectious as the three men felt their lips curving wide.

“We’re going to take forever to reach the tomb,” Tailless Beast grumbled under his breath, fingers itching for a battle.

The guards shook their heads before waving them to continue. “The tomb is not far now.” The light dimmed and tall rock formations appeared in their vision after a few more moments of swimming, and they came upon a small cave’s mouth, dark and cold. An aura of resentment leaked out the entrance in black tendrils, eerily waving them around in a dark welcoming.

 [You have discovered The Azure Garden Grotto.]

 “This? Is where the tomb is?” Akira was sceptical. The underwater cave didn’t resemble a tomb at all.

“To answer honoured guest,” one of the guards clasped his hands and bowed, “This is indeed where Mermaid Knight Rie was buried. King Aenon had gifted this place to her on her 18th birthday and it was where she wished to be buried at if s-she passed on. As written in her will.”

“I understand. Thank you.”

“Then, we will take our leave.” The Merman Guards bowed and left.

Akira watched the cave, the dark entrance a deep void where no light passed. Tailless Beast frowned. “What are you waiting for?”

“Calling a few friends over,” she replied simply.

“What? Why!” he growled. More people meant more shares, more shares meant that his share will have to be reduced! The area before them was unexplored land, treasure for all to take, mobs to kill, experience to gain.

“You can go ahead if you want.” She bowed slightly and gestured welcomingly for him to go ahead, and he did without a glance back.

He walked past her towards the cave’s mouth, through the darkness, only to be rebounded and forced back by an unknown, unseen force. She reached out a hand to steady his staggering steps.

 [You do not meet the requirements to enter.

Party members: Minimum 5 members; Maximum 10 members.

Party level: Minimum Level 40; Maximum Level 45]

 “What the fuck?”

Akira shrugged with a mischievous smile when he redirected his wrath onto her. “My friends should be here soon. I've sent them the coordinates.”

Tailless Beast leaned against a rock, scowling at having to wait some more when he remembered something. “Can they even make it here?”

With a shake of her head, she could only smile helplessly. “I hope so. The coordinates triggered the system just now and I think they’re – ” Three separate balls of light suddenly appeared, glowing brighter and brighter as water surged towards the element. Faint silhouettes flickered within. “ – teleporting here.”

Tailless Beast straightened himself while his hand moved to grip his broadsword, a familiar shadow amongst the silhouette giving him uneasy feelings, yet the closer he observed the figures under the dimming light, his lips were pursed tight and muscles taut. “You know them?”

Akira glanced over at him, noting the icy chill in his deep voice, unlike the usual growls and snarls he’s bestowed upon her so far. No, this was a silky, smooth tone, calm and unnerved, almost so calm that she shuddered involuntarily. She turned back to the three men that appeared before them. “You could say that.”

“Wasn’t he chasing you down just yesterday?” Tailless Beast nodded his chin at the Earth Elementalist Misty Forest who now stood wielding his wand at Level 43. The hell happened to him too? How did he power level up?

Akira laughed nervously as Misty Forest – Yamato – found his wand particularly intriguing. “Yes, he was but we settled our differences.”

“And him?”

His tone was flat, unyielding in the slightest as he gestured at the Level 45 Shadow Hunter, the first advancement of the Ninja class, School Beauty King. The man wore a mask that covered the lower half of his face, silvery grey hair spiked up, defying gravity even under water. She and Shadow Hunter exchanged glances. ‘What the fuck did Kakashi do to piss him off?’ With a smile and a tilt of her head, she looked at Tailless Beast in confusion. “What about him? Have you guys met before?”

“Yes,” came the snarl almost immediately. “He goddamn stole my drops!”

Kakashi stared at Tailless Beast. “Ahh, I remember you now. Thanks for the Ivory Shells that time.”

A growl ripped through the large blue man’s throat as he instantly lunged at the Shadow Hunter with his broadsword drawn. Kakashi easily sidestepped the attack and Tailless Beast swung his arm out horizontally, only for a much smaller, more fragile wand to meet its blade head-on. Akira grunted in a grimace as the force of his strength threw her backwards, the wand’s durability dropping to 2.

His small black eyes met her pained blue ones and a phantom image flashed over her countenance; a similar face, the long navy hair tied into a ponytail, the flower kanzashi tinkling with the breeze, and the anger dissipated, a trace of worry flashing through them. “A-Are you...” Words had escaped his lips, soft, gentle, and he then clammed his mouth shut. Uncertain. Confused. But he resolutely shot forward still in that moment, reaching out his other hand and caught onto her arm. He brought her near, steadying her on her feet.

“He can be a little arrogant,” Akira coughed as she gripped onto Tailless Beast’s arm, “But I swear he's a good Shadow Hunter, Beast.”

He pulled his arm back, the warmth of her palm lingering upon his skin and he turned his head. “Whatever. As long as he doesn’t slow us down.”

[Clear Shadow invited you to her party. Accept? Reject?]

Glancing at her wide grin from the corner of his eyes, he shook his head and accepted the request.

[Tailless Beast joined your party!]

[Misty Forest joined your party!]

[School Beauty King joined your party!]

[Good Boy Tobi joined your party!]

Tailless Beast observed the latest member. She was a level 42 Cleric, a branch of the White Elementalist class. The White Elementalist and Black Elementalist, unlike the normal elemental classes, were unique where the former focused on: Summoning magic, Healing magic or Bless Magic, while the latter concentrated on Illusion Magic, Necromancy or Curse Magic. And unlike other classes of warrior, rogue or ranged whose first class advancements were at level 20, Elementalists had their first advancements at level 45 after choosing their first element at level 10.

“Hello!” Good Boy Tobi greeted cheerily with a wave of her hand and grin on her face, but the voice that sounded...

Tailless Beast suppressed the twitch in his eyes. She... Good Boy Tobi... was a he? He looked up and down the female character, dark luscious locks a stark contrast against her white robes, then glanced at Clear Shadow and shook his head. He wished he was more surprised by that fact but with someone as weird as her, it wasn’t all that surprising anymore.

“How long can you guys stay underwater?” Akira asked the three newcomers who were breathing easily underwater.

“We managed to buy only twelve Oxygen Pearls,” Obito, who played Good Boy Tobi, chimed in. “We’re already using three.”

“And they last for two hours each pearl,” Yamato tacked on at the end. “So we have roughly eight hours.”

“They cost us a lot too! Why the hell are Oxygen Pearls so expensive...” Obito grumbled under his breath.

“How close are you to levelling up?” Akira turned to Kakashi, ignoring the grumbling man.

“I just levelled up to 45. It should take a while.”

She nodded, less worried than before. If he levelled up in the dungeon and they couldn’t complete it... ah, it was too troublesome to think.

“Are we ready to go in or not?” Tailless Beast interjected, directing the question at a blankly staring Akira.

“Maa, does it look like we have other things to do?” Kakashi folded his arms behind his head and walked forward while Akira snapped back to reality.

“No one asked you, pretty boy,” Tailless Beast snarled and quickly hurried from behind.

Yamato and Obito smiled, following suite as Akira walked first into The Azure Garden Grotto, unimpeded. Past the complete darkness, a large cavern meters high and wide sparkled, lit by an azure- emerald light, a rare sight of bioluminescence as they swam through the water.

Suddenly, a black shadow flashed past them in a blur, screeching in an agonised, despairing wail.

 Avenging Spirit (Level 40)

HP: 15,000/15,000

 “The monster isn’t even strong,” Tailless Beast tutted.

That’s when a system notification appeared.

[Stage 1. Kill 100 Avenging Spirits. 0/100 killed.]

A feral grin flitted onto his face as he held his broadsword ready. Pulling his arm back, ready to hack at the taunting monster when a dragon whose flesh and body was made of water slammed directly into the Avenging Spirit. Kakashi released his hands and swam around the monster.

-6,589! A critical hit!

The Avenging Spirit wailed louder, its icy voice piercing their minds and a bright light enveloped Tailless Beast, immediately dispersing the stunning effect. Purification! Kicking his legs, he pulled his arms back, muscles of both his hands taut as he gripped the handle tight. With a cry, he cleaved the Avenging Spirit in two before spinning and slicing the shadow at its head with his second slash.

“Hehe, this is going to be fun.” Akira grinned toothily and waved her right hand just as an entire mob of Avenging Spirits appeared, covering the beautiful cavern in black clouds. Elements of water started surging towards her palm and she brought her other hand forward, running it horizontally before her chest, from her right hand to the left, and water surged together, converging by her palm and it grew, lengthening as though she was pulling a something out from her hand. The sword manifested itself from water, both sides sharp as the water constantly circulated to maintain its shape.

“You gotta work hard, Obito,” chirped Akira just as Yamato started chanting an Earth Spell. “Can’t let those spirits get us.”

“But I don’t have that many blessing spells like a Priest!” Obito mockingly shrieked in horror, hands palming either side of his feminine appearance, only to quickly glance at something from the corner of his eyes and calmly waved his hand out at Tailless Beast, enveloping the man once more in a bright white light, healing him. There was a carefree smile lingering on his face.

“You’re doing a good job though,” Akira grinned as she joined the fray. A thick branch gurgled, shooting past her body and speared through an Avenging Spirit rushing towards her. She lashed out with her water blade and sliced the face, causing it to screech in a dying wail.

“You can count on me!” Obito chuckled, staying close to Yamato.

The quieter man was chanting once again, sets of archaic runes muttered from his lips while his other hand focused on controlling the branch he summoned, swinging and wreaking havoc as he pleased. One syllable, two syllables, and an emerald light shone in the side pouch hanging on his hip. A few seeds floated out, dropping onto the ground right beside where the first branch took root and they rapidly grew. Thick and sturdy, the Branch Dragons took the form of snakes, ready to skewer some spirits. There would occasionally be a flash of white light or two around the battlefield, more healing than purifying the members, but their health constantly danced at the same level, never below 65%.

Tailless Beast glanced over at Akira, more specifically staring at the water sword in her hand. “Aren’t you an Elementalist?”

“I am. Just a little bit special,” she winked as she stabbed at a spirit sneaking up behind him.

He stretched out his arm, piercing the head of another spirit chasing after her. “You’re weird. A sword using Elementalist?”

“Admit. I look cool,” she laughed, planting a foot at the spirit and kicking it away.

He rolled his eyes with a scoff, but she caught a glimpse of a lopsided smile upon his lips when she twirled around, seeing him bring his sword down on another kill.

It took them a little over an hour to fully clear the 100 Avenging Spirits.

The second stage began. And the third, and fourth. Each stage’s killings increased exponentially, each stage the spirits a level higher than before. When the fifth stage came about six hours after, when Kakashi, Yamato and Obito ate their last oxygen pearl, they were all tired and grumpy at the mindless killings. However, despite their first dungeon run together, they worked well together, almost like a good oiled machine (and Obito will argue saying that it’s because of his perfect heals that they’re good!).

The enchanting scenery did nothing to quell the annoyance, even when they saw lights akin to fireflies floating in the water, swimming freely when they finally neared the end of the dungeon. Not only did killing one spirit give such pitiful experience, this dungeon was simply too mind numbing! Kakashi wasn’t even near 50% in his experience bar!

...

[Stage 5. Kill 50 Avenging Spirits. 0/50 killed.]

“Ahhh! Finally!!” Obito cried out. “I don’t have any mana pots left. I just want this over with! I'm not going on anymore special quests with you, Shadow!”

“How many do you have? I’ll give you some,” Akira asked as they tried to catch a breather. “And come on. Without me, you can't even come here. We’ll be getting first clear.”

“Only two intermediate pots and a few basic ones left,” he sighed dejectedly. He had stocked up on lots of potions before he entered as a precaution, but this dungeon had eaten up lots of his mana as he tried to keep everyone’s health stable. Those spirits can be quite annoying to deal with but it was more annoying to deal with his teammates that loved charging into the freeway without second thoughts. “And no, you guys suck.”

If the others purposely ignored him or didn't hear, he didn't know.

“Take some, I’m not using as much mana.”

Obito gratefully accepted the dropped potions, animated tears streaking down his face while the group continued forward, their killings evidently slower when a high pitched screech rumbled through the waters at their 49th kill. The shrill sound stabbed their minds, forcing them on a seven second stun.

Tailless Beast at this moment observed his skills that were on cooldown while stunned and a message popped up from Akira.

[Clear Shadow sent you an image. Click to preview.]

‘Might be a clue to the quest!’ he thought and frantically opened the message, only to scowl at the sad green frog and the words ‘feels bad man’ written below it. He glared at the scene happening before them without moving his head, seeing as he couldn’t move yet due to the stun, all the while pretending that it was Akira getting stabbed at with his glaring daggers.

At the next second of the stun, black tendrils emerged from the corpses of the Avenging Spirits, converging together into a huge lump of ink. At the third second of the stun, they watched as the gigantic Avenging Spirit loomed over them. Unlike the previous spirits that lacked a face on their heads, this one only had a crescent slit that was curved like a bowl, silvery sharp and wide. It grinned, revealing many rows of pointed teeth arranged neatly, and lifted its arms where two claws similar to reptiles flexed.  Curling and uncurling its fingers, a maniacal cackle echoed in their minds.

 [You've been inflicted with Hatred of the Spirit. All stats reduced by 20%.]

 A grey ghostly skull appeared above their heads and the entire party felt their bodies grow heavier, strength and speed weakened.

 Avenging Spirit (Elite) Level 45

HP: 200,000/200,000

 “Ah, fuck.”

Obito and Akira exchanged bitter smiles at the Elite Boss taunting them; the former worried at how heavy his job would be as his heals would be reduced significantly with the curse while the damage taken would increase, and the latter

At the fourth second, the Elite boss slowly raised its hands as though it was lifting something and a dark murky blob reached out from way below, appearing from the crevices of the rocks, cackling from the shadows while they latched onto the team’s feet, steadily pulling them down into the abyss as they retreated back into their abode.

-100!

-100!

-100!

-100!

-100!

A continuous string of damage ticked away at their health but they could do nothing to escape, not with the final three seconds of the stun still in effect. Their hearts pounded loudly in their chest, screams of protest banging loudly in their minds – just how broken was this boss!?

So much happened in such a short span of time and they were forced to be sitting ducks, watching their fate before their very eyes.

‘No, no, no. Like hell I'm falling like this!’ Tailless Beast struggled against the stun, willing his body to move. Robust muscles bulged, taut and defined while veins crawled under his skin. He tightened his grip on the sword, yet his fingers never moved. The fifth second passed. His eyes shifted to the side, catching Akira’s fiery gaze coincidentally, both sides unwilling to give up. No way were they going to be bested by a damn boss. Not when they just started on this quest!

Simultaneously, two gentle lights shone from their chests.

‘The necklace!’ they thought.

Fuelled further by their will, the light suddenly broke, dissipating into tiny shards flickering in the light that enveloped the pair. The tenseness of their muscles loosened, a heavy weight pushed off their shoulders. Akira gripped onto her sword, running a hand over the blade as she called forth another wave of water, making it surge towards her weapon. With a graceful twirl, she lashed out her sword, elongated by a few meters as it sliced the water with a shrill sound. The Elite boss cried out in pain, charging forward in retaliation when a thick silver blade halted its advance. Tailless Beast sliced and slashed with all the strength and brute force of a berserker, his movements oddly smooth in the water, connecting swiftly and efficiently as he took on the boss’ aggro.

With the stun over after seven seconds, Yamato began chanting, calling upon the soggy dead wood lying on the ground. Kakashi turned to face the black tendrils dragging them down while his hands became a blur in a series of hand signs. At the last hand sign, he pulled down his mask for the briefest of moments as he spat out a large water bullet, the force strong enough to knock them astray. The dead wood floated up. Pointing his wand at the tendrils in the abyss, the Wood Arrows swam and pierced the monster, causing it to shriek and run away into the shadows where they couldn't touch it anymore.

Obito held the cross with both hands as he chanted out a spell, the holy light surrounding him growing stronger by the second. The light travelled from his body to his outstretched arm, trailing around it like a coiling snake before it shot forth, a pair of feathery wings unfurling from its back.

Level 40 Healing Angel, his newest skill in his arsenal. It flew around the cavern, continuously healing the entire until the thirty second timer was up, negating the damage done by the Elite boss.

Handing off a few seeds to Kakashi, Yamato watched Akira and Tailless Beast pin the Elite boss down while his senior quickly swam around, planting the seeds in the small crevices of the rock walls. The last location of their fight was at a smaller cavern that narrowed near the end, with an arched roof filled with stalactites and large stalagmites on the bottom.

‘This place must have been on land before it was sunken underwater,’ Yamato thought, knowing that stalactites and stalagmites couldn’t form underwater, but could stay underwater for a long time as they slowly dissolved back into the water. He caught Kakashi’s signal as the man planted the last seed and he started chanting. Magic ripples surged around him, robes dancing around him quicker and quicker. Multiple green lights pulsed at different points in the walls, answering to his call. Leaves sprouted out of the seeds, stems unfolding from their abode and they charged towards the Elite boss fearlessly, winding around its large body in a tight grip.

Earth Lock!

The three damage dealers swam back, landing on small platforms in the walls as the sturdy branches tightened the hold, unyielding even when the Elite boss struggled hard against the restraints.

“I can only hold it for three seconds!” Yamato called out. His face was twisted in a grimace, veins appearing on his forehead while he fought to hold his skill.

Akira, Tailless Beast and Kakashi shot forward at the same time, the strength from their calves travelling to their feet as they pushed off the walls on their toes, weapons drawn and skills activating. They unleashed their strongest moves, attacking at the weaker spots like the neck, spine and skull, praying, hoping that the spirit would register the extra damage like ordinary beasts.

-9,731! A critical hit!

-5,054!

-9,352! Another critical hit!

-5,571!

-3,899!

-2,421!

“Can you guys stop critting and making me look bad?” Akira laughed while she flipped back and retreated a distance away, landing solidly on her feet when the Elite boss broke free, large splinters and wood chips flying towards them, and his health firmly dropped below 75%. “This would be much easier if our stats weren’t lowered.”

“Well, you can’t exactly use your fire magic, Shadow,” said Kakashi, “And you are playing with a toothpick.”

“This toothpick can kill you, okay!”

With a cry, the Avenging Spirit swam towards Tailless Beast who sent a blade light crashing into its body but the spirit suddenly turned translucent and the attack passed right through. “What?” Instinctively, he brought the blade up to his face, parrying the claw aimed at his head. A pressure built up in his chest when the force slammed into him, instantly sending him crashing down onto the bottom and he sprayed out a mouthful of blood.

“Beast!”

Akira swam forth, stabbing her sword through the spirit, but like Tailless Beast’s, her sword went through as though it was only water.

“Watch out!

She refocused onto the Avenging Spirit a beat too slow. A sharp pain burned from the inside, spreading out through her veins. Her gaze grew blurry, the lump in her throat hard and heavy as she gritted her teeth. The spirit pulled its arm back, bringing the impaled Elementalist closer to its face. She blinked her eyes with a grimace, forcing her vision to sharpen and she saw, in a slow, slow curl, the spirit widened its grin in a dark satisfaction, the silvery teeth bright against its black face. Its arm was cold to the touch, slimy yet rough when it was pulled out, tips of the claws scratching deeper into her exposed skin and she spat out a fog of blood as the pressure caught in her throat was released.

“Shadow!!”

Crimson blood slithered in the water, a dark red cloud tainting the beautiful waters of the grotto and Akira floated lifelessly in the water. Seeing its masterpiece, the Avenging Spirit laughed joyously while it swam around the blood, occasionally flicking out a tongue to lick at it, tasting the iron taste upon its taste buds.

An earthquake soon rumbled across the cavern. Tailless Beast quickly jumped and swam away, narrowly avoiding the broken falling stalactites. A deep guttural snarl rumbled through the walls, vibrating loud and clear, and the team felt their bodies stiffen. A large silhouette appeared at the end of the cavern, fast approaching the fight. They held their breaths in fear, feeling suffocated by the overwhelming presence rolling off its figure. Out of the shadows and into the gleaming waters appeared a four-meter-long great white shark, its size easily dwarfing the Avenging Spirit. Silver armour adorned its robust body, enhancing the strong aura rolling off its figure.

 Spirit of Sharkman Kelo (Elite) Level 80

HP: 760,000/760,000

 “Ah, fuck.”

[bmaxwell]

Best Games of 2006

As I was going through the list of 2006 releases, I was going to make the joke that 2006 & 2007 was like edging, but for video games instead of cumming. The latter half of the release calendar invalidated the joke, but I’m still going to make it. And even though I can’t scrape together 10 games, I can make a real strong top 5. And I can use the rest of the list to complain, which is fun for me.

10. A Duck

Ducks are violent rapists with corkscrew dicks. Male ducks at least. Mallards? Mallards.

9.  The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess

My recollection of Twilight Princess closely mirrors my recollection of Ocarina of Time: everything is a dull smear of green, brown, and grey, and the first hour feels like a dull five hour slog and I put the game down for a year and repeat the first ago again, ad infinitum. The main difference between the two is that people see Ocarina as a classic.

8. New Super Mario Bros DS

I designed a card game once. Players played cards to build a city together, and moved citizens around to activate the buildings in the city. Activating your own building earned you corruption which cost you points. So you had to build stuff that other players wanted. It was going to be a fun blend of competition and cooperation. 

The problem is that I forget to put in the fun. It functioned as I imagined it, but it just wasn’t fun. That’s New Super Mario Bros DS. They ticked all of the Mario boxes. It looked, played, and sounded like a Mario game. But it wasn’t any fun. There was no spirit, no soul, no fun. Hire me, Nintendo.

7. Dreamfall: The Longest Journey

No idea. My wife liked it a lot. The Longest Journey series is one of her favorites.

6. Titan Quest

There’s a lot to like with Titan Quest, especially all of the variety in classes and being able to pick two. Customization is a big deal for me. Titan Quest never quite captured my attention the way I expected. Also, it weirdly popped up again with a new expansion like a dozen years later.

5. Wii Sports

Wii Sports gets dismissed by a lot of Gamers™ because it was such mainstream hit with The Casuals, and because it’s played in retirement homes. It’s a super accessible and FUN game, and that’s not a bad thing. I played Wii Sports with my mom and dad, and I don’t remember them ever picking up any console game at any point growing up. While all of the games were pretty fun, 90% of my time with Wii Sports was spent bowling.

4. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Oblivion was the first game played from a first-person perspective that I ever finished, or really engaged with. I played as a stealthy, stabby Argonian archer fella. He was a lizard man which isn’t my thing at all, but since you never actually SEE you character, the race you choose doesn’t matter at all beyond the stats. Anyway, I wrung every bit of goodness out of Oblivion (1250/1250 Gamerscore, ladies). Far and away my favorite part of Oblivion was freely wandering the map, seeing an icon, and checking it out. I’d repeat that process for hours on end, just getting lost in the world.

3. Dead Rising

One of my favorite things in gaming is being dropped into a large, hostile space, then slowly acclimating to it and gaining mastery over it.* That was Frank West and the shopping mall in Willamette in Dead Rising. That game’s design was initially off-putting, but I’m glad I stuck with it. Dead Rising was basically a roguelike, though I didn’t know that term at the time; whenever you died, you’d start the whole game over keeping your character progression and your knowledge of the game world. And it’s a timed game, so there are events that you have to be present for or you lose. A pain in the ass, but also weird and memorable. And running around the mall finding random stuff to kill zombies with is fun as hell.

Oh, and also the text was tiny on my tube TV and the game taught me to hate escort missions.

2. Okami

I’ve written about Okami several times over the years, so I’ll sum up: It’s gorgeous in a way that holds up today, it’s a better 3D Zelda than the Zelda games, and it gets bonus points because it’s the first game my firstborn fell in love with.

1. Guitar Hero II

I was into Guitar Hero and Rock Band in a way that bordered on obsession for a year or two, and Guitar Hero II was the peak of it. Looking back, you can find lots of reasons why later entries are objectively better: later entries used the original music rather than covers, and Rock Band let you play with 4 players for a full band experience to name a couple. I played Guitar Hero II at work, I played it at home, I played with friends, I fell in love with several of the songs in the game. 

It’s very good.

*I think I just described video games.

[prairiechzhead]

Poldark S3 Was A Huge Disappointment For Me and It All Boils Down To One Root Cause.

I had originally begun a draft of this post that devolved into everything that I cannot stand about how the show chose to move the character of Demelza into a different direction. That part of the post got really, really, really, really long.

Instead of sharing that really, really, really, really long post, I decided to write a new one. It’s also Sunday and the final episode of season 3 hasn’t aired yet as I begin this, but I need to write because for the past 10 weeks, I’ve been doing homework on Sunday mornings. I have no homework to type up because the summer term is finished. I find myself at a loss, so I began this post.

But I digress. You’ll find that I’m really good at that.

This is a really, really, really, really long post about the one reason why Season 3 was a disappointment to me. I’ve been able to distill my disappointment down to one root cause.

If you listen to the @poldarkpodcast​, you know that I regularly submit my opinions on the episodes that just aired. You probably also know that I’m not fond of the direction in which they took Demelza this season.

Actually “not fond” is putting it mildly.

I HATE what they did to her character. I hate, hate, hate it! The Powers That Be decided that Demelza wasn’t “strong” enough or “feisty” enough in the novels, so they had to make her more modern to appeal to modern audiences.

However, in doing so, they basically took a shit all over Winston Graham’s work and a character that was based on his own wife. They’ve taken the product of someone who is a very gifted storyteller and dumbed it down so much, I start to feel stabby.  

I’m glad he’s not alive to see this.

Feisty Demelza does not work in the Hugh/Demelza storyline. She doesn’t fit. She doesn’t belong there because Demelza’s inner conflict can’t exist with Show!Demelza as she has been written. An integral part of this story, Hugh Armitage’s basically taking advantage of Demelza’s kindness and turning it around on her through subtle manipulation, is missing. It cannot exist with Modern, Feisty Show!Demelza because of the trope that Modern, Feisty women can’t be manipulated. Internal conflicts only make one indecisive, and Modern, Feisty women, such as Show!Demelza can’t be indecisive.

As @mmmuses​ pointed out in an episode of the Poldark Podcast, when TPTB changed up Demelza, they neglected to change the other characters, too, particularly Ross. The two characters are foils for each other. In changing her, but not having him change in line with her change, the equilibrium is gone. 

Show!Ross is pretty much the same as in the novels, with a few exceptions. In Black Moon and Four Swans, Book!Ross has matured and grown from the events in the previous novel. In the show, Show!Ross has grown and learned from what happened in season 2. However, when, in E1, he doesn’t want to talk about Elizabeth, even though Demelza is poking at him to do so, I don’t see this as him pretending that a problem doesn’t exist. I see it as him avoiding creating more problems because Demelza will inevitably take whatever he says the wrong way and not give him a chance to explain what he means. Demelza on the show has a very bad habit of doing this. In this episode, I see his reluctance to talk as Ross trying to avoid an argument. Granted, he doesn’t handle this in the best way because he’s not a good communicator. 

Unlike her book counterpart, Show!Demelza seems to have regressed into a bratty teenager. Book!Ross describes Book!Demelza as “his conscience.”

Then there are all the inconsistencies in how her character is portrayed. The biggest and most egregious example of this for me (and this should not come as a surprise to you) is when, in Episode 7, she goes after Ross, who has just learned that his aunt Agatha died, is walking on the beach, trying to sort through his emotions, and then begins to tear him a new one about his decision to decline the offer of running for MP, because he “didn’t ask for her opinion”.

This scene STILL sticks in my craw because it is so out of character for Demelza to do this. Demelza is a kind and selfless person. She puts others before herself. Book!Demelza, when struggling with her attraction to Hugh, even puts the struggle into terms of her not wanting to see someone else suffer (this would be her tendency towards kindness) with her deep love for Ross and honoring her marriage vows. Book!Demelza and Show!Demelza from S1 and 2 would not do go to Ross and start screaming at him. Her first reaction would be to go to him and console him.  Her opinion on this MP issue can wait because her husband needs her more.

If this out-of-character behavior wasn’t bad enough, there is a sub-section of the fandom who defend her behavior in that scene.

First of all, you don’t rip into someone who just learned that one of their few remaining relatives has died. You don’t do that. Period.

Second, why does Ross need her opinion on not running for MP? Now if he decided to run for MP without consulting her opinion, she has a case, because that would involve upheaval in their lives that would affect her, their children, the mine, and all the other day-to-day things that happen at Nampara.  But for someone who has been very vocal in the past about her wish for Ross to be at home more, it makes zero sense for her to be upset with him for turning down something that would require him to be away from home for months at a time.

The writers also have Show!Demelza gift her brothers the use of a storage barn on Nampara land to use as a Methodist meeting house. (In the books, it was Ross who gifted them a building of some sort. Which one specifically escapes me at the moment.) But the thing is, Show!Demelza did this out of spite and behind his back because she was pissed off at Ross for being in France longer than he said he would be. He had good reason to: he was waiting for his contact to give him a list of the prisoners at Quimper and then he would know where Dwight Enys, a friend of the family, was.

It’s not like he decided to stay in Roscoff because he wanted to go out and party or anything like that. Her reaction was out of proportion to the event that supposedly triggered it. That is not the sign of an emotionally mature and strong person.

Strong people don’t do things out of spite. Weak people act out of spite. Immature people act out of spite. Perhaps if Show!Demelza had done this without being motivated to do so by her anger at Ross, it would come across more as an act performed by a strong person because a decision had to be made and there was no one around to make it except her. The writers want us to believe this, but I’m not buying it. Her anger and spite is clear when she makes the decision to gift the building to her brothers. 

Because of the inconsistency in her characterization, the struggle that Book!Demelza went through in Four Swans over her attraction to Hugh Armitage is not there. I don’t sympathize with Show!Demelza. I’m not even sure if she is struggling emotionally, because given her past, inconsistent behavior on the show and how TPTB decided to not have Ross and Demelza fully reconcile, they have set up the climax of this storyline and Demelza’s motivation as to get revenge or to do it out of spite.

Again, emotionally mature, strong people DO NOT do things out of spite or to get even.

The characterization on the show then becomes problematic in scenes that are played out as they are in the novels. The best example is in episode 8 when Demelza makes the “I wish I could be two people” speech. In the novels, it comes off as her being honest and conflicted and it is set up to be confessional. On TV, it just comes off as her informing Ross that she’s probably going to make the Beast with Two Backs with Armitage and that if he doesn’t like it, too bad. In the same scene, she also tells Ross that he’s the one she belongs with. The scene is also blocked in a way where the two of them are sitting across from each other, which gives it a confrontational feel. It also makes Ross’s honesty about beginning to doubt his wife’s feelings for him even more painful to watch. Modern, Feisty Show!Demelza tells him to “be patient. As I was patient with you.” She’s referring to the aftermath of Ross’s Very Bad Thing with Elizabeth in season 2.

Which brings me to another point about Show!Demelza’s characterization in S3. TPTB have basically ignored what Show!Demelza did and said in S2. She wasn’t patient with Ross. She was angry, and rightfully so. She was ready to leave him because he couldn’t seem to make up his mind on who he really wanted. She was fed up waiting for him to get his head out of his ass. Ross can be thick sometimes, particularly when it comes to emotions. Ross is an emotionally stunted man who has difficulty expressing his emotions, AND expressing them in a way where he is not putting his foot in his mouth and making things worse. He certainly did plenty of that in S2 after his transgression.

But the main difference between him asking her to be patient and her asking him to be patient is that when Ross asked this of Demelza, the deed had already been done. When Demelza asks this of Ross, the deed has yet to come.

But now, when the shoe is on the other foot, she expects Ross to sit back and wait for her to get her head out of her ass and figure things out. Except this doesn’t work because Demelza is better at expressing her feelings than Ross is, MOST of the time. When she does not, she goes full passive-aggressive, which just makes things worse. Then there are times when she loses her temper and reacts to things that Ross says or does and she doesn’t give him a chance to explain further or clear up any confusion. This seems to happen when he says something in the most asinine and garbled way possible. As a result, Ross becomes reluctant to share things with her because he doesn’t want to anger her or hurt her.

Which brings me back to Episode 1 and the appearance that he’s pretending there is no problem in regards to Elizabeth.

This couple has very atrocious communication skills. The future therapist in me wants to sit both down and work with them on this.

So between what S2Show!Demelza did and the platitudes she threw in Ross’s face after Ross’s indiscretion now contradicts what S3Show!Demelza is about to do with Lord Byron aka Hugh Armitage. In this regard, Show!Demelza comes off as a hypocrite and Show!Ross now has some moral high ground. Making pronouncements works better if you make them after you did something wrong because you can always frame them as you messed up, but you learned from your mistakes. He messed up and he knows that what he did was wrong. He knows that he inflicted pain on her in the worst way possible. He regretted what he did almost immediately. She was hurt by what he did to her, but here she is, about to inflict the same pain on him. This is what gives Ross that bit of moral high ground. He learned. She has not.

One of the arguments that defenders of this Hugh/Demelza storyline in the show fall back on is this notion that Show!Demelza is being neglected by her husband. This is a line that’s been put forth by TPTB in the press. Having watched this show, I’m still waiting to see evidence of such neglect.

Ross was neglectful of her in S2. When it was pointed out to him that he had no clue that everything Demelza was doing to make sure there was food while they were going through a period of impoverishment, he tried to make up for it and as a result, we got that Stocking Scene. He also learned that she was starting to doubt his feelings for her, too. He showed her that he still loved her by the events in the stocking scene.

The one thing he doesn’t do in that moment and in that scene is brush off her concerns. In S3, when Demelza asks him to be patient after he confesses he’s begun to doubt her feelings for him, it comes across as if she’s brushing him off.

However, in S3, the couple are seen regularly sitting together and talking. Or they’re taking walks, hand in hand, I should add. Sometimes, the walks are just the two of them. Other times, their children are along. They work together in the garden. They are intimate.

So I am a tad confused as to where this argument that Show!Demelza is being neglected comes from.

TPTB have set up this tryst with Hugh Armitage based on non-existent evidence that her husband is not paying attention to her. Riiiiight.

I’m from the old school in that if you’re going to make a claim, it is your responsibility to back up that claim with evidence. Maybe the people in the back don’t require supporting evidence of this so-called neglect, but the people in the front do and I’m one of those people sitting up front. 

Spousal neglect is one of the reasons why my first marriage fell apart. This neglect had ZERO to do with—

Again how exactly is Demelza being neglected? Dammit, I can’t even finish that sentence now.

The kind of emotional neglect that can destroy a marriage includes not standing by and supporting a spouse when that spouse is going through something very difficult. In my case, I had just been formally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder that I’d been living with undiagnosed for half my life (I was 29 when I received my diagnosis) and my ex refused to support me because I’d decided to start taking anti-depressants and he “didn’t believe in taking pills for such a thing”.

THAT is neglect. His refusal to stick by me was one of the reasons that man is now my ex-husband. The man I am married to now (I refuse to call him my current husband because that suggests that there might be a future husband, which there will never be) has taken the time to learn about my depression and my anxiety. He goes with me to therapist appointments when I ask him to go. When I had a nervous breakdown four years ago and was contemplating suicide, I voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. That man was there during visiting hours every single day. When I am going through an episode of depression or anxiety, he is the one who urges me to get up and do something. Anything. He may not always do the right thing, but that’s not the point. He is standing beside me and he is there when I need him. And that is why we’ve been together for almost 18 years and married for 15.

And after writing all of that, I’m still having trouble finding exactly in what way Ross is neglecting her during S3. Saying stupid things or insensitive things in the heat of the moment is not neglect. That’s just being a horse’s ass. At least he’s talking to you, Demelza. 

The book version of Demelza, the one that TPTB decided wasn’t strong enough is actually a stronger person that the so-called Modern, Feisty Demelza. We, as a culture, have a serious problem with how we define strength and weakness in a person, particularly when it comes to emotions. Strong people, emotionally mature people are usually the quiet ones who take time to contemplate. Emotionally immature and weak people are the ones who throw tantrums and act out of spite. However, because we are conditioned to believe that strength is demonstrated by action, we view the person who has the outbursts and reacts based on their emotions as the strong ones. The person who takes the time to contemplate what they are doing is the weaker person, according to society.

It’s actually the other way around. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to make yourself take that step backwards, take those deep breaths, and not react viscerally.

TPTB have it backwards. Book!Demelza is the strong one. Season3Show!Demelza is the weaker character.

I’m sorry that the people in the back can’t wrap their heads around this, but that’s not my problem and those of us in the front should not be made to suffer for other people’s ignorance.

And this is why S3 is such a disappointment to me. 

As it is about 2 hours and 45 minutes until the show airs, I’m posting this anyway, because unfortunately, I doubt that there is enough that will happen in one last episode to redeem this season for me. 

[chvrchesrp]

Welcome to CHVRCHES’ eleventh event!

This event is our fourth missive event, which means a little bit of what happens will be assigned to your muse. Since we’re fresh off the heels of a heavy, location-based event, this one actually isn’t in a centralized location at a certain time all together... it’s “normal play,” but things aren’t as your muse left them when they entered Hotel California. You will be given 2 ‘tasks’ to accomplish as you see fit. This event has only this one part.

The date stamp for the dream portion is the overnight between Friday, July 21st and Saturday, July 22nd. (You don’t have to stop writing established HC threads.) Please do not make timeline threads dated after August 26th, which will be the next event.

Exhausted from what feels like only 8 hours, everyone, finally out of the hotel, makes their way home. Their tech is still acting up, not yet giving updated information, and folks wind up in bed around three in the morning. While they believe they are going to bed during the small hours of June 25th, in truth, it’s the wee hours of July 21st. As they sleep, everyone has the same strange dream—

In your dream, you see a tree; it bears 12 different types of fruit, but each time you try to focus on one, it shifts colour, like light through a prism. The tree itself seems to glow with its own light, but that doesn’t make the tree feel like a good omen; instead, there is something about the tree that invokes the feeling of vertigo. Like, if given half the chance, you would fall toward it on your knees. It’s a feeling between awe and confusion. The bark of the tree, if you look closely enough, isn’t inlaid with gold nor silver: instead, it’s as if all the words ever spoken are written upon the wood, making its curves and shadows where the words grow denser: all the wisdom of the ages.

The leaves shine as if to heal, the air is sweet and fragrant, the roots grow strong and thick into the ground where a river meets it on either side. Perhaps you are in a plain; perhaps you are in a garden; where the tree is doesn’t matter. Everything in the dream pales in comparison to this tree. Giving in to the vertigo, you fall into the tree itself, becoming a part of its trunk, another word on its bark, and you can see out into the world. It’s as if you are on an altar, privvy to things unseeable otherwise—is this how energy senses? is this how the universe sees?—and looking out, you see 3 bright spots. The longer you focus on a bright spot, the clearer it becomes. Each, a grail. 

Slowly, the brightness fades. The grails have seemed to—disappear off the face of the earth. You are spat out from the tree, back to whatever setting, the sense of vertigo gone, and as you are whooshed backward, you can see 3 pinpricks of light emerging—but not a sense of where, on a map, they might be. As you re-orient yourself in the dream, the tree seems to no longer be a tree, but instead just a plain bush, the same sort of bush you might see on your way to work, of little to no consequence at all—until it bursts into flame. Suddenly, and very surely, you have the sense of not being alone. You turn to one side, only to see another version of yourself. 

The other you seems curious at first, with the wayward innocence of a puppy, going to touch your face—only, it reaches through your face and into your skull. It tries to know what you know, but you push it out; in that moment, you also got to see a glimpse inside of the other-you’s head. It feels like one of Famine’s manifestations, the sort you encountered in the Hotel rooms, and it wants to take over your life. It already has. It’s running your life for you. All it needs to do now is remove you from the life its stolen to stay seamlessly in it. A dark version of you, a minion of something far worse than you. 

You scream. You shake yourself awake, unsure what to make of all of this, perhaps, looking to those you know, those around you, to discuss it with.

When they wake, it is July 22nd. Their phones are working again. They realize they spent far longer in Hotel California than they’d ever imagined. What felt like 8 hours in the Hotel turned out to be about a month in the real world. But how do they still have apartments? How do they still have jobs to attend? How is their life running without them in it for a month?

Feel free (we encourage) to make threads trying to determine the meaning of the shared dream. It might take awhile to sort out, but yes, all of the Grails are gone from where ever they might have been—so if your muse had one, feel free to make a thread to check on it, only to find that it’s gone.

You are also free to make “normal” threads from here on out and continue plotting in your usual way. What has changed in the world around them, as they rejoin it, is that each muse now has an “evil double” version of themselves that Famine manifested. That “ED” has assumed your muse’s life. Your muse shows up to work? ED is already there. (For example.)

The only muse not affected with an ED is Pestilence, who will get to fuck with all of these folks as she sees fit, get her kicks perhaps deliberately “killing” (more on that later) the wrong people, and perhaps a head-start on Grail finding.

MUN TASK ONE:

Encounter your muse’s double.

It’s up to you where and how your muse encounters their double. The extra fun piece of this is, as writers, you also get to write your evil double. So you can have threads as your muse, and then also as your ED muse interacting with others. Please put, in the Subject of your threads, [ED] to mark that it’s an ED for clarity. 

Feel free to explore what the ‘evil’ version of your muse would be like! Yes, even you, Satan, should be able to find parts of you to make worse. (And remember, evil can present as a number of personality traits; the thing is the ED has evil motives, but many methods, to allow you creative spectrum.) The ED knows some, but not all, of the facts about your muse. (That’s why we had you do Challenge 23 to help brainstorm some of that!) It’s also important to keep in mind that the ED is trying to both:

Pass as close as possible to your muse while having evil motives

And trying to kill your muse so it can assume your muse’s life

Your ED does have all the abilities of your original muse, except 1) ED angels/demons cannot hear prayers and 2) ED angels/demons can be killed like a human; it doesn’t require a Grail.

How the ED is trying to kill your muse is also up to you. It doesn’t have to be stabby-stab; maybe they’re trying to poison your muse, or trying to stage a series of unfortunate events to take the suspicions off themselves. You do not have to write [ED] threads if you don’t wish to. You do have to still have your main muse meet and/or engage with their ED, however.

MUN TASK TWO:

Kill your muse’s double.

Doubles can’t be killed by the original muse. In order to stop the ED from taking over your muse’s life and killing your muse, your muse will need to enlist help from someone to take out their double. Since all muses have EDs, they’ll be pretty familiar with the predicament, having to do the same thing for themselves. 

Your task is to create a scenario in which another muse has to decide whether to kill OM (Original Muse) or the ED. (Another reason we had you do Challenge 23, of course!) This does not have to happen the moment your muse wakes up, but can happen at some point over the course of the month. You’ll be carrying on other normal-style threads at the same time as your OM or ED.

The “kill scene” scenario can be a thread with someone your muse knows well, or it can be with someone they don’t know well—after all, while we are planning the scenarios, it might be quite sudden or abrupt for them! We want you guys to have fun with this and get as creative as possible.

A few muses will be incorrectly “killed”—that is, the OM “dies” instead of the ED.

Those muses are:

Dom, Paul, Zack, and Noah.

As such, those listed above might want to create scenarios in which their muse is being judged by someone who doesn’t know them as well as they’d hoped. Or, perhaps their ED succeeds in killing them. Or, a situation where an amused or cruel other party might intentionally choose to let the ED live as opposed to the original muse, as a point of humour or contention—especially if under the understanding that the “death” might not be a true death, as follows:

When an ED or and OM dies, it’s not actually a realistic death. No matter how the ED is killed, it should just turn into ash and dust once it “dies.” When an OM dies, it looks like they just become dust particles and ‘flicker’ out of existence, insinuating they’re not actually dead, just somewhere else. If you are the player of one of the dead original muses listed above (thanks for volunteering as tribute!) you will get to continue to thread as your ED until the August event.

When an OM flickers out of existence, a business card from Delirium will be left behind in their place for the muses left to read:

8/26. COME MEET YOUR DOOM OR IT WILL COME TO YOU.

[terryblount]

God Eater 3 Review: Low Effort Manic Monster Munchin’

I’d never played a God Eater before this third entry. I’d seen them on Steam, but they were all low-quality handheld console ports. Yuck! Finally, with God Eater 3, we have an entry developed for PC claiming high-quality visuals, fast-paced combat, and a serious story!

As someone who put 100+ hours into Monster Hunter World last year, I loved the idea of getting another dose of monster hunting fun, but does God Eater 3 deliver? Absolutely on the combat side; not really on the ‘everything else’ side. Let’s dive in.

Last Gen Called; It Wants Its Visuals Back

Let’s begin with the bad. God Eater 3 looks and feels like a last-gen game. I could have sworn this was a port from a 2012 or so PS3 game because it feels like the developers accidentally built the game for last-gen hardware specs.

Some scenes have decent graphics in still images, but the in-game details are quite poor.

This low fidelity feeling is especially unfortunate considering the series’ chief competitor delivered a next-gen visual showcase with 2018’s Monster Hunter World. Whoops!

Outdated & Repetitive Content

Apart from lacking visuals, the game’s content feels outdated, too. There’s only a handful of actual game environments. These are nothing more than glorified arenas without any creative twists or clever layouts. Again, this feels so much like the developers thought they were working with PS3 era memory limitations and crafted functional but boringly basic level designs.

Yes, this is an entire arena…a couple hallways and rooms.

God Eater 3 reminds me of Dragon Age 2. Anyone remember that game? It had a handful of lame arenas you’d play over and over again on a supposedly epic quest. God Eater 3 is exactly like this.

Time and time again the game will excitedly exclaim, “Look, an epic battle awaits!” What actually loads is the same exact arena you’ve played 20+ times. Seriously? Low effort!

This location is pretty cool…but I’ve seen it dozens and dozens of times.

Attempted Grand Story; Totally Tiny Presentation

The same lack of developer effort goes for the story. The game, to its credit, attempts to tell a proper story, with ups and downs, character growth, and emotional weightiness. The game even delves into some quite dark subject matters like human rights, indentured servitude, and outright slavery.

Everybody get in their places and pose for the camera, please!

I do think at the core of God Eater 3 is an appealing story of friendship and freedom that’s worth hearing out. Sure, the dialogue is all very basic and there’s no true exploration of the game’s serious themes. But at least there’s an attempt to build a logical, thought-provoking story and world. Kudos for that.

Sadly, God Eater 3 succumbs to the all-too-common low-budget storytelling pitfalls of tell, tell, tell and show basically nothing. The game ostensibly plays out across a fictional version of Europe, but it feels like a film shot in just a few set locations.

It’s almost laughable how many scenes involve your team standing dramatically across the same backdrops over and over despite supposedly traveling to all these grand locales.

There’s a big world map for the story, but there’s actually very few in-game environments.

This lack of quality presentation kills much of the story’s momentum. If you tell me there’s an epic battle before me, you need to show me an epic battle. If you say something really matters, you’d better not totally forget about it fifteen seconds after the cutscene ends. It feels…low effort!

Here’s a nice tea time cutscene. Too bad these events don’t get expanded upon…

Despite my misgivings, by the end I did care about the story and had grown fond of my ragtag group of former prisoners and oppressed people. I genuinely cared about building a future filled with freedom and peace for my friends. Moreover, the game’s got a very strong ending and nice epilogue.

Only one with the power to resonate may pilot this ship. Thankfully, I can resonate…engage!

The Gameplay Flow

This is the flow of the entire game: load into the tiny mission hub, listen to serious talk, accept an important mission, manage your gear, warp to a tiny arena, engage in a manic brawl, get your loot, maybe see a cutscene, and then get dumped ingloriously back at the tiny mission hub to repeat. It’s not terrible… just simplistic.

Ash Crawler Chrysanthemum: Home, Sweet Home

In regard to the mission hub, most of the between-mission gameplay takes place on your own mobile base, known as an Ash Crawler. There’s real Mass Effect vibes in how you can walk around and explore your crew’s living spaces, talking with them about recent events.

However, the quality of Mass Effect isn’t present. Most of the crew banter is very basic and not voiced, and there’s not much payoff for exploring your tiny base. Low effort base design, basically.

Chatting with some of my crew, discussing philosophy.

Even more unfortunately, often the game forces you to talk to specific people at your base before you can proceed on your next story mission. It would have been nice to have some marker telling you where they’re at instead of wandering around until you find them. A minor annoyance, though, since your base is quite small.

Hyper-Combat Mania!

So far I’ve given you a bunch of reasons to not play God Eater 3, but now it’s time to get to the game’s saving grace. Yes, God Eater 3 redeems itself thanks to its wild and epic combat!

I told you the combat is manic! See me doing some crazy flip while lights flash everywhere?!

Battles in God Eater 3 have a chaotic ultra-frenzied fever dream feel to them. Yes indeed, this game has brilliantly mad fighting. So fast, so furious. Monster Hunter World looks like a slow-motion creaking antique compared to God Eater 3’s hip, stylish, and light-speed stabby-slashy-crushy mayhem!

God Eater 3 versus Monster Hunter World feels very much like Sonic versus Mario from back in the day. On one side you have the meticulously polished Mario and Monster Hunter, but what Sonic and God Eater lack in quality they make up for with a cool and confident “gotta go fast” attitude!

I think I’m winning…wait: is that my lightning or the enemies? Oh well, keep smashing!

God Eater 3 will have you rushing, flipping, slashing, bursting, and linking at break-neck speeds. Jump, double-jump, zoom across the screen, panic as you flip through your items while two gigantic beasties rip you to shreds. The poor camera finds itself dragged about, bewildered, and woefully inadequate, but when combat is this crazy, you just go with it!

Thanks to the incredible versatility of the combat systems, there’s an unexpectedly addicting rush from one combat encounter to the next. A large part of the appeal comes from the countless ways to improve your play and try new things to go faster and kill better next time around.

You can break parts of the monsters for loot and fun! Pretty orange monster part particles!

Combat Gear & Fancy Moves

What makes combat so diverse? Let’s start with the fact you get both a main weapon and a ranged weapon, unlike Monster Hunter World. You also get to pick a shield type. Then you get to select dozens of unique Arts. Those Arts can be augmented and leveled up. And all your gear can have Skills (the equivalent of Monster Hunter World’s Jewels) installed on them.

Naturally, you can also craft and upgrade your gear using monster parts. There’s numerous upgrade trees and paths for each weapon, just like Monster Hunter. Then there’s the four elements, allowing you to have weapons on hand for every monster murdering occasion.

You get a lot of strange loot from each mission. It’s all a bit confusing at first.

Beyond your gear itself, there’s many more combat moves than you’ll find in Monster Hunter World. You’ll be side-stepping, lunging, and performing crazy aerial combat that feels very much like the Devil may Cry series, interestingly enough.

To put it another way, if you enjoyed the freedom of movement of Monster Hunter World’s semi-flying Insect Glaive weapon (my personal weapon of choice), this is what every weapon can feel like in God Eater 3. When you can quickly fly around the combat space, why ever go back to boring attacks on your feet? Ponder that one!

Here’s one of the nicest looking locations. I enjoy zooming around and seeing the sights.

It’s All About Speed-Eating Delicious Gods!

In God Eater 3 we’re all about eating (called devouring) gods (big monsters), and I choose to believe God Eater 3 is called such because it does the god eating three times as fast as other games!

Everything is designed to get you into combat as quick as possible. You can get a mission, get in the arena, and get to fighting within a minute of loading the game, which makes this game perfect for quick-fix gaming.

Load the game up, start devouring monsters, and do it all over again as fast as possible!

What also cuts down on the tedium this genre is often know for is the removal of all that boring hunting for monsters so common in that one series…what’s it called…oh yeah, Monster Hunter. Basically, God Eater 3 serves up the monsters right in front of you, so get devouring!

The combat does have some issues. Many monsters fly about the arena at too-fast speeds with annoying area of effect attacks that often cancel your commands. The targeting system is wonky, and the camera doesn’t help much either. Sometimes combat does devolve into button mashing, but skilled players will learn how to deftly deal with even the most seemingly unbalanced encounters.

So Many Confusing Systems

Another problematic element with the game overall is the over-implementation of strangely worded gameplay systems. You’ve got Burst Arts, Burst Arts Effects, Engage Mode, Link Bursts, Acceleration Triggers, Charge/Quick/Air Devours, and a bunch more systems. It took me a good 10 to 15 hours to finally come to grips with what in the world the game was babbling on about in regard to all this.

There’s a lot of gear to equip and terms to study. (Yes, my weapon is called “King Baboon.”)

Music & Sound

There’s some standout music tracks in God Eater 3. You know the problem with them? Here’s a hint: it’s the same problem with all the content in the game. Yep, repetition. The excellent tracks get played over and over for every emotional or victorious story scene. There’s just not enough variety.

Sound design is minimal. Like most of the development, the game gives you just enough sound effects during combat to make things feel semi-powerful, but there’s almost no environmental audio touches. Cutscene audio has the basic stuff like footsteps, clinks of swords, and bangs of bullets, but that’s about it. Passable but not passionate (the effort…it was low).

One of the many short cutscenes between battles. Clinky clank!

Smart AI Teammates & Multiplayer

One of God Eater 3’s best features is your actually intelligent AI teammates! Perhaps the developers didn’t get the memo: AI teammates are supposed to be stupid and infuriating, duh! Yet somehow this game never once frustrated me with dumb AI. If I was downed in battle, my AI teammates would always rush to rescue me.

Throughout the entire game my companions would heal me, buff me, and help me in every single battle. They’re even powerful and capable of killing many monsters by themselves. Any Monster Hunter World player will tell you your companion AI in that game is infuriatingly stupid, so score a huge point for God Eater 3! Massive kudos to the developers!

We’re all being very serious here…meditating on how best to devour more gods.

Besides AI teammates, you are able to engage in either story-based multiplayer missions or larger 8-player “assault” missions with matchmaking (AI will fill the empty slots, thankfully). Honestly, most people will want to play this game solo since the game already features robust AI teammates. But if you’ve got a good friend to play with, that’s always fun of course!

Technical Performance

On the bright side, this game runs like a champ. It was rock solid for me, with nearly perfect framerates. This is expected given the very dated visuals and lack of complicated rendering techniques, but it’s nice all the same to have a game run very well. So kudos to the developers for delivering a quality PC game with acceptable customization options.

Difficulty & Controls

You’ll probably find the game to be pretty easy if you’re an action game aficionado. I never once in my entire playthrough wiped (had to restart a mission). You get ranked for how efficiently you complete missions, and I probably triple-S ranked (the top rank) about 75% of the missions on my first try.

Just getting another SSS rank in 5 minutes or less. It’s pretty easy, really.

Granted, I’m a serious fan of the Devil may Cry style genre that God Eater 3 borrows heavily from, but I was surprised at the ease of progression compared to Monster Hunter World. In that game I wiped many, many times, so in a way God Eater 3 was a nice change of pace. I liked being able to breeze through the game without worrying about all the micro-management of items and gear, like in most Monster Hunter games.

The game is definitely designed for a controller. The mouse movement is very sensitive, and there’s far too many weird button combinations to make keyboard usage very friendly. Even the default bindings on the controller are a bit weird. Thankfully you can rebind just about everything. I’d recommend changing the guard button to something much less obnoxious.

Dude, Where’s the Armor?!

One very lacking element in God Eater 3 is armor crafting. In fact, there is zero armor crafting. There’s zero armor at all, to be precise. There is optional cosmetic clothing crafting, but these top/bottom items are a bit boring (realistic jackets, tank tops, cargo pants). It’s like you’re shopping at some trendy shopping mall…what is this?

Do you like my raincoat and oddly-taped cargo pants? I got them on sale!

The armor department is yet another way God Eater 3 proves how woefully deficient it is compared to Monster Hunter World. Where are all the awesome looking armor sets to prove how much of an elite hunter I am? Oh…I guess the developers couldn’t be bothered to implement all that…what’s the term I’m look for here? Oh yes, low effort!

Warning: Scantily Clad Girls & Large Breasts

Yes, God Eater 3 continues the dubious anime stereotype of scantily clad girls and jiggly boobs because clearly breast physics is an important development priority over more battle locations or monster armors, right? Methinks they’re pandering to the sexualized anime crowd.

Then there’s the captain of your ship, Hilda. She’s a very strong and smart and capable woman with great voice acting and good writing. Hilda’s basically classy and awesome, but the developers gave her enormous scantily clad breasts for some reason.

Hilda is an excellent character, but her visual design egregiously clashes with her persona.

To add insult to gravity-injury, they didn’t even give her a bra…and put her in an almost bursting top. Seriously, her breasts are so large she may need breast reduction surgery. A lot of people don’t realize the very serious health problems that come along with being in the extreme end of the breast-size bell curve. Maybe God Eater 3 is trying to raise awareness of the issue? Yeah…I’m sure that’s it…

Concluding: God Eater 3’s Target Audience?

God Eater 3 is the perfect case for discounted games. The developers have chosen to give us a content-limited, low effort version of a Monster Hunter game. All told it only took a little less than 30 hours to finish every mission and obtain the highest rank gear. That’s lightning-quick compared to other games in the genre.

Besides all that, they haven’t even reached current day graphical standards. Plus they reuse the same arenas and monsters over and over. Yet they have the audacity to charge full price. Nope!

You’ll be seeing a lot of monsters up close and personal. Over and over.

However, many Monster Hunter fans will absolutely love the ultra-fast change-of-pace from the more plodding and tedious Monster Hunter World. There’s a real scrappy charm to this sort of budget monster hunting experience. It’s a bit of a palette cleanser, letting you chomp up and devour a few gods here and there before returning to the real-deal Monster Hunter World experience.

The Final God-Eating Verdict

God Eater 3 is very much a guilty pleasure sort of game. I really did love playing it, even though the whole time I fully recognized how lacking and lackluster many of the elements are. There’s fun to be had here, and the story is compelling enough that I kept dreaming of what could have been if the developers had put as much energy into this game as Capcom put into Monster Hunter World.

I just devoured this god known as Anubis. He was quite delicious. Next!

When its rival series can deliver a full-fledged modern-generation, immerse evolution of the series, God Eater 3 is simply too limited, too aging, and too stuck in the past to compete. It’s a darn shame, too, because what the genre really needs is a merging of Monster Hunter World’s quality and expansiveness with God Eater 3’s story-building and hyper-fun combat.

Once God Eater 3 goes on sale for 75% off or so, then I’d say it’s a real value and worth your time. For now, it’s probably best to avoid paying such a high price for such a low effort production.

Addictive, manic combat

Smart, helpful AI teammates

Colorful cast of characters

Comfortable mission grind

So many weapons and skills

Lengthy story, many missions

Strong ending, nice epilogue

Technically solid, runs great

A scrappy charm to it all

Very repetitive gameplay

Not enough diverse locales

Locations are basic arenas

Every mission is the same

Lacks armor crafting

Reuses enemies too often

World needs show, not tell

Outdated visuals and design

Sexualized anime stuff

Playtime: 28 hours total. Nick blazed through the main story and every optional mission in 24 hours (not nonstop!). Another 4 hours was spent farming for the best end-game gear. And that was that!

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using an Intel i7-3930k CPU, 32GB of memory, and a nVidia GTX 980 Ti graphics card.

Also read the God Eater 3 PC Performance Analysis.

God Eater 3 Review: Low Effort Manic Monster Munchin’ published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1241

Monday, December 17, 2018

 I got sucked into the vortex that happens this time of year for social events that I couldn't avoid. We went out to dinner on Friday at Grow Your Roots Café in Kanata with our vegetarian friends to celebrate my and Brian's birthdays, which are two weeks apart in December. I actually enjoyed my beyond meat burger platter. Way better than A&W's, although to be fair I haven't had the fast food version yet, but Brian has. And their fries were excellent too. Saturday was date night with dinner at the Yangtze Restaurant on Somerset Street and then crossing Arthur Street to Bar Robo to see the Tony D Trio. I've always wanted to see Tony D play live and this was a great chance to do that. It was intimate and we got a great table. We stayed for both sets and got home just before midnight. Not bad for an old fogey. The rocking music helped me stay awake. Sunday morning found us at the Carleton Tavern having breakfast at 9 AM. We try to see Sam the chef before Christmas and wish him and his family all the best for the holidays. Sam spoils us. You can tell he piles a lot more food on our plates than for other diners. You get that when you've patronized a place for 40 years. And finally, I venture out tonight to go see the Aquaman movie with my Jee-Riz partner Chris. I hear Amber Heard is in it.

 X-23 #7 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Diego Olortegui (pencils) Walden Wong (inks) Chris O'Halloran (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). X-Assassin part 1. You can safely jump onto this book right here with this new story. Laura and Gabby help out the NYPD with a serial murder case and the killer is something brand new. I like the connection between the assassin, X-23 and Honey Badger and the new art team did a great job so I'm going to keep reading.

 Doctor Strange: The Best Defense #1 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Greg Smallwood (art) VC's Cory Petit (letters). By the Vishanti was this ever good. These Defender one-shots are thoroughly worth reading if you're a big Marvel Fan. Greg did a wonderful tribute to Steve Ditko in a two page spread and I loved his Clea. The stabby guy in the bed sheet is still killing aliens too.

 The Silver Surfer: The Best Defense #1 - Jason Latour (writer & art) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). My hopes for all of the Defenders one-shots to be stellar were dashed with this one. Norrin Radd doesn't even appear until way later in the story. It starts off incomprehensibly with a bunch of aliens and ends with a lot of new age gobbledy goop that the Surfer spouts while floating in space. The crazy knife wielding Halloween ghost only shows up in two panels so that was disappointing as well. The only thing I liked was when the Surfer's board takes off eh.

 Magic Order #5 - Mark Millar (writer) Olivier Coipel (art) Dave Stewart (colours) Peter Doherty (letters). This is the penultimate issue with many shocking revelations. It sets up next issue's conclusion beautifully. I can hardly wait to find out what happens.

 Miles Morales: Spider-Man #1/LGY #241 - Saladin Ahmed (writer) Javier Garron (art) David Curiel (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Yay! This did not suck. I was so afraid that the new Miles book would not stand up to the high standard that I put on it when Brian Michael Bendis was writing his adventures. Saladin Ahmed did an excellent job here and it helped that Javier Garron's art rocked the whole issue. You get all you need to know to enjoy this Spider-Man even if you didn't read the 240 issues leading up to this. I admit I did a little eye roll when the super villain showed up but then there's a twist that made me give a cheer. I can't wait for the next issue, and that's the magic that Brian used to make that kept me reading.

 The Batman Who Laughs #1 - Scott Snyder (writer) Jock (art) David Baron (colours) Sal Cipriano (letters). I was going to give this 6-issue mini a pass because I didn't like the whole Dark Nights Metal storyline but I thought I'd give Scott Snyder another chance. He presents a very different kind of dark knight that I still do not like so I won't finish reading this story either, but that's just me. If you want to see what happens when Batman gets turned into the Joker (WTF?) then you'll want to read this.

 Goddess Mode #1 - Zoe Quinn (writer) Robbi Rodriguez (art) Rico Renzi (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). This new Vertigo book takes place in a very colourful future where folks live in a virtual reality because the real world sucks. Cassandra Price is a coder who works for the corporation that controls the VR. A glitch sends her into another reality and there she meets three other women and I think they go fight evil forces. This book is very bright and very tech and text heavy. I felt like I didn't get to know Cassandra very well before she gets transformed into a goddess and her situation is very confusing. This book is not to my taste unfortunately.

 The Unstoppable Wasp #3/LGY #11 - Jeremy Whitley (writer) Gurihiru (art) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). A.I.M. has broken into Pym Labs to steal tech and Nadia must save her friends and keep the bad guys from getting away. These foes are quite formidable and even with the help of the original Wasp and Mockingbird, the bad guys win. I like the new A.I.M. villains and want to learn more about them.

 Avengers #11/LGY #701 - Jason Aaron (writer) Ed McGuinness & Cory Smith (pencils) Mark Morales, Scott Hanna & Karl Kesel (inks/finishers) Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). It's the calm before the next storm. According to the cover Jason's other story in Thor, "The War of the Realms", will cross over into this book in 4 months. Meanwhile, T'Challa meets with some international super heroes to try and form an alliance to keep the world safe. Thor and She-Hulk go on a date and Phil Coulson explains why there's a Squadron Supreme of America. See, it's not always massive alien invasions and war with Namor.

 Fantastic Four Wedding Special #1 - This lead in one-shot to Fantastic Four #650 has 3 stories.

"(Invisible) Girls Gone Wild" by Gail Simone (writer) Laura Braga (art) Jesus Aburtov (colours) & VC's Joe Caramagna (letters) is a silly bachelorette party at a strip joint with Alicia's friends and some of Sue's super powered buddies. I expected better from Gail.

"Father Figure" by Dan Slott (writer) Mark Buckingham (pencils) Mark Farmer (inks) Matt Yackey (colours) & VC's Joe Caramagna (letters) reminded me of who Alicia's step-father is. I was touched as I remembered asking Mr. Fowler for Penny's hand in marriage. I loved the job the two Marks did. I would have sworn Jack Kirby drew this.

"The Puppet Master's Lament" by Fred Hembeck (writer & art) & Megan Wilson (colours) was a monologue recap of Ben and Alicia's relationship. It was typical Fred Hembeck humour.

You really don't have to read this since there's nothing here that impacts the wedding much but it's a nice accompaniment to the big day.

 Sasquatch Detective #1 - Brandee Stilwell (creator & writer). This $7.99 US 64-page special continues the beloved tradition of silly funny animal comic books that used to rule the racks. Too bad it doesn't cost 25 cents like back in the fifties. You get the origin story by Ron Randall (art) Ross Campbell (colours) & Dave Sharpe (letters). This will tell you how Tonya Mae Lightfoot from the Appalachian Mountains leaves her Sasquatch family to go to Los Angeles and join the LAPD. What follows are five short stories where Tonya solves crimes. I would not have wanted to read this big book normally, but the art throughout is really good. Thanks to Gustavo Vazques (art) & Chris Sotomayor (colours) in "Sasquatch Anniversary"; Gustavo Vazques (art) & Ross Campbell (colours) in "Unsolved Mysteries", "Neighbourhood Watch", "Arrest and Relaxation" & "Smoke and Mirrors". There are even some cameos by some DC heroes as a bonus.

 Batman Annual #3 - Tom Taylor (writer) Otto Schmidt (art) A Larger World's Troy Peteri (letters). If Tom King ever leaves Batman I hope that Tom Taylor takes over the writing chores. I love when Alfred is featured but only if it's very well written and this story is very well written indeed. The relationship between Alfred and Batman/Bruce is special and this story proves just how special. If you're a Batman fan but don't normally get the annual, you have to get this one.

[carmonfewings-blog]

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[tialovestelevision]

This Year's Girl

Yay, good Angel stories! And now, yay Faith! Getting her back will be nice both because she’s one of the best characters in the franchise and because it will give us a break from Adam, the most bland villain since Coach Who Turns His Swimmers Into Fish Demons Guy. 1. Buffy is making a bed. I think it’s her room at home. Yeah pretty sure. And there’s Faith. They’re talking about the smell of the sheets. Buffy: “I wish I could stay, but…” Faith: “Little sis coming. I know. So much to do before she gets here.” Faith is bleeding on the bed, because Buffy stabbed her with the sketchy mall knife and didn’t notice. “Are you ever gonna take this thing out?” 2. Faith is in her hospital bed. The hospital looks… kind of awful. 3. “Guest starring Kristine Sutherland.” Haven’t seen that in a while. Haven’t missed it. Xander is trying to fix the lightning gun. Willow suggests just pressing some buttons; Giles vetoes it. They’re all in Xander’s basement again. “Will, you haven’t seen this Adam thing. He’s the Terminator without the bashful charm.” 4. They haven’t heard from Riley, but the Initiative has told Buffy he’s fine, which indicates that she’s not on the run from them any more. Which sort of makes me wonder why they’re in Xander’s basement instead of Giles’s house. Xander got shocked by the blaster, while Giles and Willow reassure Buffy that the Initiative wouldn’t be hurting Riley. Buffy thinks they might have put him back on the drugs, though, which is something that would make sense for them to do - gives them a leash and him power. 5. Riley’s looking a ton better. He’s out of bed, but there’s a guard at his door. Forrest just relieved the guard. “The shish kebob that walks like a man.” Forrest thinks they should deal with Adam without involving Buffy. 6. Faith is blinking her eyes. No, REM. 7. Faith dream: She’s having a picnic with the Mayor. She’s worried it’s going to rain. He found a snake and released it. He was getting cheesecake, but Buffy stabbed him to death. “I told you I had things to do.” Now Buffy is chasing Faith with the sketchy mall knife. 8. Buffy, Willow, and Xander are patrolling. Buffy has a leopardprint coat. They found a demon who’s been flayed. 9. Willow thinks Adam killed the demon to study it. Buffy is planning to defeat Adam, and to rescue Riley. First Riley. She wants to launch a frontal assault after Willow magically hacks the Initiative, but Riley is at the basement. Buffy is surprised-delighted. Xander asked Riley if the Initiative put a chip in his brain. That’s a good question, but Buffy derailed it. 10. Back to Faith’s dreams. Buffy is chasing her at a leisurely pace through a graveyard with the knife. Faith is running but can’t get away. She fell in a grave. There’s thunder starting. Buffy jumped into the grave as it starts to rain. There’s a stabby noise and grunting, Faith climbs out of the grave. And now she’s awake. 11. She’s weakened, in the hospital, IVs hooked up. Removing her equipment. That should be summoning a nurse. This hospital is terrible. Dark and dingy. Someone just came in with a bear and a hoodie. Faith needs to get to Sunnydale High School graduation, but the school isn’t there any more. It’s Friday, February 25. She knows the Mayor is dead, and now has the girl’s hoodie as she leaves the hospital. 12. Buffy and Riley are having a conversation about his time in the infirmary. Riley is a little somewhere else. Riley has no orders, and what he does is follow orders. “I’m a soldier. Take that away, what’s left?” “A good man.” Buffy is looking for brainwashing chips and kissing Riley while sitting in his lap. “You’ve been strong long enough, Riley Finn. I’m gonna help you.” 13. The doctor, the nurse, and the police are in Faith’s room, talking about the lack of security. No kidding - when she pulled her equipment, it would have read her flatlining, and no alarms went off and nobody noticed. Never mind containing a murderer; this hospital is terrible at hospitaling! Hospital security has found the woman Faith took the hoodie from. The nurse just called someone to tell them to “send the team.” 14. There’s Faith at the high school ruins, staring at them. She’s very sad, and now walking lost through Sunnydale. Looking a little stronger, though. Moving better.Terrified, though. Alone. 15. Now she’s at Giles’s place. Giles, Willow, Riley, and Buffy are discussing Adam, who needs to recharge because he’s working off an autonomous power source. Riley fixed the blaster. Giles and Buffy think Riley should go to the Initiative to do the double agent thing. Xander is disapproving of another of Buffy’s boyfriends. 16. Buffy just got a phone call. She has a face. She now knows Faith is awake and free. Xander: “I’d say this qualifies for a Worst Timing Ever award.” 17. Buffy has basically put the Adam search on hold because of Faith’s return, and has now explained who Faith is to Riley. Buffy hasn’t found Faith yet, and edited out Angely bits of her conversation with Riley about Faith. And there’s Faith. 18. Now, after some verbal sparring, Buffy and Faith are fighting. Police show up and Faith retreats after knocking them out. Buffy’s chasing her across campus. Faith went over a wall and got away… she’s almost certainly hiding right in the blind spot the wall makes. 19. Willow and Tara are looking for Faith. Tara likes that Willow said “recon” and thinks Willow’s a fool monster fighter. Willow would be lucky to bruise Faith’s fist with her face, though, and knows it. Tara is very bad at violence. “She’s like this cleavagey slut bomb walking around going all, ‘Oh, check me out. I’m wicked cool. I’m five by five.’” Nobody knows what five by five means. 20. They recon ‘till nightfall then the ritual hiding begins. 21. They gave Xander the blaster. He and Giles are hunting for Faith, but found Spike. “Is this bird after you?” “In a bad way, yeah.” “Tell you what I’ll do, then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you.” Are you ever going to remember that he’s evil? 22. Xander: “We’re dumb.” 23. There’s a helicopter arriving at the hospital, with the nurse waiting. N410JC. Just Googled that; it’s an FAA registration for a single-engine aircraft but was registered in 2014, so that’s not relevant to an episode made in 2000. Those guys look very Council. Helicopter is leaving; the guys are walking into the hospital. So now we have Buffy, Spike, the police, the hospital, and the Council all looking for Faith, who’s looking into a window at a bunch of knives that would be bad for stabbing with. 24. Cop car shows up, so instead of stealing knives she vanishes ito a crowd. 25. Demon greets Faith. “Faith, a friend sent me. I got a little remembrance from him.” She kills the demon and takes an envelope from him, which has a VHS tape. The Mayor is on it with a message for her. Gods, having him show up is a painful reminder of Season 3, when the show had a really good main villain and was producing episodes like Amends. He made the message while Faith was in her coma - the brief window between her being stabbed and him Ascending and dying. He wishes he could make the world a better place for Faith to wake up in, but her watching the video means he failed. He also sent her a box. It’s not going to bite. It’s some sort of magic item. “And here’s the good news. Just because it’s over for my Faith doesn’t mean she can’t go out with a bang.” 26. Riley wants to help fight Faith, but his injury is still bothering him. He wants Buffy to tell him why Faith gets so far under her skin. “I know Faith. She’ll come after me and she’ll come after the people that I love.” Cut to Buffy’s house, where Faith is at the door. “Hi, Joyce.” Punch. 27. Faith is going through Joyce’s makeup and has taken Joyce hostage. Buffy hasn’t been by the house in a while… can’t blamer her there. But Buffy just came through the window to attack Faith. Joyce somehow got free of her bindings and is calling the police. Faith and Buffy just rolled down the stairs. Faith thinks Riley could use a little roll in the sack. Wow, Joyce’s house is getting wrecked. Faith has a knife. 28. “Hello, Rupert. The team from the helicopter is in Giles’s house. 29. Police sirens outside Buffy’s house. Buffy and Faith still fighting in the living room. Faith got out the thing the Mayor sent her, and grabbed Buffy’s hand. They’re looking at each other in surprise, then Buffy punches Faith out. She has a weird expression on her face and just broke the artifact. Handing Faith over to the police, then says “Five by five.” Body swap time, apparently. Overall: That was very much part one of a two-parter. Faith and the Mayor here are almost painfully good, a reminder of the time the show had the best understanding of its strengths. Season 3 was, apart from a set of bad one-off episodes, incredibly well-assembled and very focused, with a villain and a dragon who were as interesting as they were threatening. Season 4 has been a meandering mess basically from the word go, and they supplanted the Initiative in the main plot with Adam just as the Initiative started to show some promise, wiping that promise away in favor of a bland cyborg guy. This, though? This was good. The Mayor’s presence is felt throughout it, Faith is both sympathetic and terrifying, and both Buffy and the script find a focus they’ve been lacking this whole season. Adam exists merely as a cloud that hangs over the events, rather than a presence, which works for him - “We’re already under this existential threat, now Faith is back too” is a great way to take this story. The way Adam is put aside for Faith, though, isn’t good for Adam’s legitimacy as a villain, and he really couldn’t afford to lose any more of that. All that said, though, whatever the implications for the rest of the season from this, I’m glad this episode is happening, because it’s been the best ride the show’s given me all season.