#this is gon be real embarrassing if nobody else feels this way

[m4rs-ex3]

ok as an ✨ artiste ✨ i'm here to tell non-drawers that drawing a person you know is a crazy intimate thing. like it seems so simple but depicting someone's appearance forces you to think about everything--every part of their physical attributes to their mannerisms and presence--in a way that makes you feel almost intrusive even if it's just a simple cartoon and even if you're not that close with the person. all this to say that callum drawing rayla is insane. like you don't just do that casually, specifically when you're already in love

[monstas1ut2]

(3/3) Eren Yeager

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Send a DM just to trap me (damn)

Threw your bitch in a taxi (taxi)

Wanna get drunk and nasty? (Nasty)

It was inevitable, of course he was going to find out.. Now here you are, sitting in your mothers house trying to figure out what you could've done differently. It's not only embarrassing but it sucks because that's your father, he's your everything , he's the man who adopted you. All you had to do was stay away from Eren.. though you couldn't even do that..

"Cheer up, here.. I got watermelon and pineapples.. I know it's your favorite.."

The woman with glasses, your mother handed you the soft bowl that held your favorite fruit. Her eyes staring at you softly as you were sitting on the floor. It was like you felt like you didn't deserve a bed right now.. In all honesty though, it wasn't fully your fault.

The soft, warmth that you had from the strong arms that touched you in ways... that night had kept you asleep. His hair fit his face so well and he said so many things that night that was hard to pass by. It wasn't a joke, Eren knew what he wanted.. and that was you.. and still is.

The many missed calls from him was ridiculous and the texts were everlasting. He figured he'd messed up, that or you were maybe drunk last night..? You didn't seem drunk.. that's just because you weren't.

"I should've stayed away from him..."

"Cupcake, you can't keep blaming yourself. Shorty-pants tends to be that way with Eren because of their past. There's nothing wrong with Eren technically, he lost his parents at a young age, in front of his eyes.. so he's a bit mental from that.." the words came out of Hange's throat and you nodded slowly. The thought still edged you on though, why did Levi want you away from him..?

Just because he has mommy AND daddy issues? That is a bad sign for sure, but at the same time.. Eren has done nothing but shown you his kind side. As well as his sexual side but we ain't gonna talk about that.

"So why... did dad kick me out... because of that..? Or cuz of their background together..? Eren is nothin but nice to me.. I would've backed off otherwise I ain't stupid to stay wit a nigga that beats on me.."

These words spat out in direction of no one in particular since nobody is here.. but it hurt. You wanted to scream so badly but what good would it do anyways.. Slowly slipping a pineapple chunk in your mouth. You watched as Hange was conflicted on what to say.. which is odd.

She has known Levi longer than anyone.. but Levi is still a mystery. So all she could do was direct this somewhere else...

"He'll be fine later okay? Don't worry... just.. eat your fruit, someone's comin to see ya in a little bit.. mkay?"

It's almost been a month.. and you didn't see Levi becoming fine any day now.. from what you could see, you were abandoned just like whoever your real parents were..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Standing outside to get some nice air, your eyes watched the car in the driveway pull off. It was Hange's bmw. Her mission was to get Levi to straighten up and fly right, but you told her there wasn't any need. The damage was done already.. right?

Hange does tend to make things right though, she's just that lovable of a person..

Letting out a sigh, you'd decided to finally turn your back and try to go back into the house but your ears were kinda deceiving you. Your head whipping back towards the driveway as you saw the car that was there. It wasn't Hange for sure, though that black, porche was nobody's but..

Eren's...

His taller form immediately moving from that car and eventually coming to face you.. in all honesty he wanted to yell and scream and do everything in the book.. but seeing your pretty eyes tear up was enough for him.

After a few silent minutes passed, the two of you were now wrapped up in each other. As close as you two possibly could be on the comfy couch. Just bathing in each other's scent and aura. It was a nice feeling nonetheless, but at the same time, Eren was confused as to why you were so quiet. Why didn't you answer his messages or his calls...

"I'm sorry... I ain't mean to ghost you like that... but, he uhm..."

Swallowing down the tears that were edging to release again. Eren's green eyes stared into yours, his ears ready to hear everything you had to say to him. He wasn't going to ignore these feelings you had.. why would he?

"He found out... and he didn't like it.. obviously. He kicked me out...so I live here now..." your words spilling out of your throat, it sounded like you were in pain. Your glossy eyes staring up at Eren, who happened to be a bit more annoyed than anything. The past was the past... he didn't understand why Levi was so strung up on him. The two never had good relations, they always hated each other... Maybe in a past life too..

"I'll talk to him.."

"N-No, do you have a death wish..?"

"For you... I'll do anything you want.. if you wanna come live with me that's aight with me..." Eren offered up everything he could think of. There's just this feeling, he didn't want to leave you... but he also didn't want you to be abandoned by your father...

Eren knows that technically, that's already happened to you.. but you grew up with Levi and Hange..

"We gonna talk to him together... he ain't gon kill you if I'm there.. even if he hates me.."

"He Doesn't hate you... not him... he just pissed right now." Eren was correct, Levi was simply annoyed at the fact that you decided to spend the night without his knowing... and at EREN's house nonetheless. Levi already could think about what happened in that bedroom... though if you played your cards right, you could probably make it seem like it didn't happen...

Probably...

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The paperwork continued to pile over, Hange's steps being big as she stepped over the books and papers. Honestly, this has to be the first time she's seen Levi like this. His house was a mess.

And that's something you don't hear everyday.

"Shorty! Shorty mc shorty pants...? Ah!" Hange was obviously teasing the male but she ended up tripping on one of his shoes that was in his office, man was he living in this one room?

Her glasses were put back on her face as she looked up at the desk. Seeing Levi tapping on his keyboard quickly. He himself probably didn't notice the way he was living at the moment... when he does he'll probably scold himself.

"You sir, need to get it together!" Hange spoke as she stood back up, and she earned a loud and annoyed sigh from the male.

"Look, shitty-glasses I don't have time for it right now!"

"Don't yell at me! This is about your kid wanting to isolate herself from the world because you can't stop being an asshole!" Hange quickly spoke as she then moved back from Levi, making sure her distance was far... still managing to joke in instances like this.

"Stop trying to pry them apart! I've seen Eren! He treats her like a Queen and he even gives her these looks that makes it known... he's not going to hurt her... not to mention she might hurt him first.. physically.. I've seen her throw a shoe at him once.." Hange chuckled out at her last sentence but Levi didn't seem like he was in a laughing mood.. nor was he ever...

"Fine" Hange huffed, her cheeks reddened at the fact that she couldn't persuade Levi-that's what she thought-and she immediately left his office, though came back and kicked one of the books over...

The two slender fingers he had was pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to surpass the headache that already arrived.

.

.

.

"Get out.."

"Daddy I ain't do nothin wit him, I just fell asleep I swear..-"

"I don't care!"

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

"I'm tired.. I'm goin to sleep Ight..? Pick me up tomorrow..." your words softly sliding out as Eren stared at your soft lips. This however made you smile and wrap your arms around him. Pulling him down to your height to kiss him gently. His lips still tasting like sugar...

Today, Eren kept you company and he even offered to take you out tomorrow... so all wasn't lost..

Eventually you'd closed your bedroom door and decided to get ready for bed. Gently laying in your bed after putting a scarf and bonnet on your head. The soft pillow was cold and that only made you a tiny bit more happier...

Knock knock

As you were about to close your eyes, the sound of knocking was on your door. That could be nobody but Hange... right? Considering this is her house but normally she just opens the door... without knocking..

"Come in...?" In a bit of a confused tone, you'd propped yourself up so you could get a better look at the door.

"Why say 'come in' if you're unsure... you're going to get yourself killed.."

"Daddy!" Your voice shrilled with happiness... and all Levi could feel was that same energy.. he may not like your little... boyfriend.. but he loves you.. his beautiful daughter...

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2

[padawanlost]

Something I've noticed recently over the past few months is this trend where people have been diagnosing Anakin with narcissistic personality disorder instead of C-PTSD or BPD, the more commonly seen diagnoses. I personally disagree, but I wanted to hear your "two sense" on the matter if you will, you're one of the best meta-writers on this site.

It’s because people don’t like Anakin as presented on screen. They want Anakin to be as selfish and arrogant as possible so they can blame him from everything that happened. If it’s ALL about Anakin than everyone else can be left off the hook. 

Anakin ‘I don’t want to be a problem’ Skywalker is clearly narcissistic. I mean, he fits all the signs:

Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

“Ten years in this place, and still he was an object of interest. Of speculation. All their hopes and dreams hanging on him like decorations on a bantha skeleton at Boonta Eve. He hated it.” [Clone Wars: Wild space, Karen Miller]

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

“You would forgo your destiny for Padmé?” Anakin’s brows beetled in anger. “I never claimed to be the Chosen One. That was Qui-Gon. Even the Council doesn’t believe it anymore, so why should you?” [ James Luceno. Labyrinth of Evil]

Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

Anakin bumped his hand against [Obi-wan]. “Wait. Just—wait.” Embarrassed, he took a deep breath. “Look. Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s just—it’s the mission, right? That’s what matters. So—”  “Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s whisper sounded amused. “It’s fine. I was about to suggest it myself when the droids turned up.”  “You were?”  “Play to your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. That’s how a battle is won. That’s how we’ll win the war.”  Anakin had to smile. I should’ve known he wouldn’t take it personally. “Yeah. So—once I’m up and over and nobody raises the alarm, give me a five-count then follow. I’ll give you the best Force boost I can. Not that you’ll need much. Your leap was only a meter and a half behind Master Windu’s. Remember?”  Obi-Wan gave a breathy chuckle. “I remember I had nosebleeds for a week afterward. Don’t ever feel bad for being extraordinary, Anakin. Now off you go. We don’t have all night.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Take advantage of others to get what they want

“He thought of how unflinchingly loyal Anakin was to anyone he considered a friend.” [Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith]

Exaggerate achievements and talents

He was the Chosen One, they told him. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. Anakin thought that some little extra support might go with being the Chosen One, a helping hand or at least some understanding from the Jedi Council, but instead he was passed around like an unwelcome burden, ending up with Qui-Gon Jinn and then Kenobi because nobody else would have him. His chosen status meant less than nothing; it felt more like a stigma. And they wondered why he was difficult at times. Maybe they didn’t want balance, whatever that was. Maybe nobody liked a Jedi who was that different. He felt like an embarrassment to them. I do everything you ask of me. I try so hard. When is it going to be enough? When are you going to say, “Okay, Anakin Skywalker, you’re good enough”? Karen Traviss’s The Clone Wars

Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

Impatience. Concern. Relief. Loneliness. Weariness. And grief, not yet healed. Such a muddle of emotions. Such a weight on [Anakin]’s shoulders. Months of brutal battle had left [Ahsoka] drained and nearly numb, but it was worse for Anakin. He was a Jedi general with countless lives entrusted to his care, and every life damaged or lost he counted as a personal failure. For other people he found forgiveness; for himself there was none. For himself there was only anger at not meeting his own exacting standards. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

It’s not just Skywalker’s rank that makes us give him one hundred percent. It’s because he treats us with respect, and he puts himself on the line with us.” [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

Having worked their way around the village, finding nothing to wake their uneasily sleeping sense of alarm, Obi-Wan and Anakin returned to the beaten-dirt square and the charter house. Its doors were open now and a woman who had to be Teeba Brandeh stood on the broad step, hands on her narrow hips, watching the children scatter across the square to play a proper game of kickball. Grinning, without bothering to ask if he might, or if it were wise, or if they had the time to spare, so independent these days, Anakin jogged to join them. After a moment’s amazed hesitation the children welcomed him with squeals of delight, rough-and-tumbled him into their midst and made him one of their own. Obi-Wan shook his head. “He’s nice,” said the girl with the bracelet and the ragged hair, wandering over to stand beside him. “Don’t be cross with him, Teeb Yavid.” Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

“Oh, no,” said Anakin, grinning. “It was fun too.”  May the Force give me strength. “And that business with the boy? Because when I said no heavy lifting I—” Anakin’s amusement vanished.  “He wasn’t heavy. These younglings are skin and bone. I look at them and—” He clenched his jaw.  ”Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

[Anakin] did not like the fact that he had won. It seemed wrong that he had stepped so far out of line, and yet had been retained as a Padawan. He did not like the unease this victory, if victory it was, produced in him. Above all weaknesses, arrogance was the most costly. They keep me here because I have potential they’ve never seen before. They keep me in training because they’re curious to see what I can do. I feel like a rich man who never knows whether his friends are true-or whether they just want his money. This was a particularly galling thought, and certainly neither true nor fair. Why do they put up with me, then? Why do I keep testing them? [Greg Bear’s Rogue Planet]

Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

“I’m sorry. I’m not normally this stupid. I just—” And then she felt her face crumple and heard herself sob. Her knees buckled and she began to sink toward the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she choked. “Don’t mind me. I’m fine.” [Anakin] caught her before she tumbled completely. Lifted her without effort and carried her to the sofa. Boneless and unprotesting, she let him. Let her face turn to his roughly shirted, dirty chest and howled her rage and shame against him. Dimly, she felt his hand warm and comforting on her back and heard his soft voice saying, over and over, “It’s all right. It’s all right. You’re safe now. It’s all right.” The crazy thing was that she did feel safe. For the first time since those Separatist blaster bolts seared the air and sand of Niriktavi Bay, since she saw her friends and colleagues slaughtered, she felt safe. Then, abruptly, she felt mortified. What was she doing? Weeping like a child all over a man young enough to be her son? Where was her pride? She shifted away from him, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize,” he said gently. “You’ve got a right to be upset. Now, where’s that medkit?”Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth 

Be envious of others and believe others envy them

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn.  [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

[Anakin] had worried that Obi-Wan did not have room for him in his heart. But Shmi’s smile rose in Anakin’s mind. Hearts have infinite room, my son. JUDE WATSON’S THE TRAIL OF THE JEDI

Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

The fear and dread in her face eased, just a little. “You’re a very sweet young man, Anakin Skywalker.” [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

[Anakin] humbles me, sometimes. He makes me feel small. He can’t see a broken thing without wanting to fix it. [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

“I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

“I’m not giving him to you,” [Anakin]’d told her. “He’s not even really mine to give; when I built him, I was a slave, and everything I did belonged to Watto. Cliegg Lars bought him along with my mother; Owen gave him back to me, but I’m a Jedi. I have renounced possessions. I guess that means he’s free now. What I’m really doing is asking you to look after him for me.”  “Look after him?”  “Yes. Maybe even give him a job. He’s a little fussy,” he’d admitted, “and maybe I shouldn’t have given him quite so much self-consciousness—he’s a worrier—but he’s very smart, and he might be a real help to a big-time diplomat … like, say, a Senator from Naboo?”Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith 

[cryinggameff]

Sixty-nine

Randi

Cayden and his friends were drinking and doing god knows what else while watching the game. I had agreed to let him host the party here, which i was kind of regretting because they were loud as hell and it made it hard to take my mid day naps. I had left for a bit to go and pick up some groceries so i could make some food for them to eat plus some snacks and such and now i was back home. I walked past going to put the stuff in the kitchen.

“Baby, you back?” Cayden said, getting up and coming to the kitchen.

“Yeah, just went to target,” I said, taking stuff out of the bag.

“How’s my baby?” He put his arms around me to grab my belly.

“Active. He’s been jumping around all day,” I sighed. He moved his hand around.

“That’s because he’s a little baller. Or maybe a gymnast if it’s a girl.”

“Mmhm,” i said, putting my hand over his. Somebody scored and the guys got all excited. We both looked over. I started taking stuff out the bags. Cayden removed his hands and started going back to the living area. I glanced at him and saw his jaw was locked and arms flexed. I was confused. He walked up to Rambo and smacked him on the back of the head.

“Damn man!” Rambo jumped. He turned around and Cayden grabbed the blunt that he must have just lit out of his mouth.

“I told your slow ass not to be smoking in my house when my wife is pregnant. Are you dumb?  That’s my kid you fucking with bruh,”

“My bad Cayden, I forgot,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry man,” he said. Everyone else looked to see what Cayden was gonna do. I already knew what he was planning to do and considering he was China’s man and what not i couldn’t have them falling out or that would make things awkward for all of us. I put the milk I was holding down. I reluctantly intervened.

“It’s ok baby,” i said to him from the kitchen. He looked up at me and I gave him a look to calm down and of course he listened and backed down. He just put the blunt out and came to throw it out in the kitchen. He came up behind me and wrapped an arm around me again.

“Sorry,” He said by my ear just so I could hear.

“It’s ok,” I said, leaning up to kiss him. I wasn’t mad, after all he was right, it was bad for the baby. Cayden had stopped smoking, around the house anyways, all together. It was cute how concerned he was about the baby. He kissed my shoulder and I giggled.

“She’s already pregnant dog, give it a break,” ty said as he came strolling in to the kitchen to open the fridge. I blushed but laughed.

“Hey! I just got those,” I complained. But nobody was listening. He was long gone and they had broken into a play fight, crashing on to the floor and rolling around like children. “You’re 26 years old,” I grumbled, picking my rolls off the floor.

I made some stuff for the guys and then took my food upstairs to eat and watch some shows.

I ended up falling asleep after eating, but woke up a few hours later with terrible heart burn. That was happening a lot now. I would take it over being nauseous 24/7 like in the beginning, but it was still very uncomfortable. I went downstairs to go find some tums and realised Cayden and his friends were gone. I looked at my phone real quick and Cayden had texted me saying he was gonna go in to work. I got some tums and some milk and went back to the bedroom. I decided to give Cole a call because i hadn't talked to him in a while.

"Hi Colebear,"

"Hey lil mama. How you doing?" he asked.

"Im ok, just tired and sick all the time," i complained.

"That sounds horrible," he said. "How much longer you got anyways? Tryna make sure im there when the baby gets here."

"Still have like 4 months. Im ready for it to be over, and i just wanna hold my baby already." I groaned in frustration.

"When we gon find out if its a boy or girl? How am i supposed to buy them some swag if i dont know?"

"I was supposed to find out a while ago but i kept missing my appointments. Im going in a few days, should find out then."

"Word? aight keep me posted."

"I will," i said, "so whats up with you and Ty. He came to my house a week ago and from what he said yall had some drama when he visited." I was being nosy as usual.

"Aint no drama," he mumbled.

"What did you do?" i asked in an accusing tone. He sighed.

"I may have iced him out a little."

"Why?" i asked, confused.

"Things were getting...intense."

"Thats how a relationship works Cole," i pointed out.

"I know," he said simply. I smiled a little bit.

"I get it. I was the same way when Cayden and i started getting serious. It terrified me. It's scary to love someone."

"So what did you do?" He asked.

"Well Cayden didn't really give me an option to run. He followed me every time, " i laughed. "Eventually i just got tired of trying to run away and i just dove in. Now i'm married to the fool and carrying his baby."

"Diving in sounds terrifying."

"It is," i bit my lip, thinking back to when Cayden and i were still dating. "But its worth it."

"Ugh. I cant with this sappy shit right now. Im bout to go to practice and i dont need to be in my feelings while tackling a bunch of dudes."

"Okay fine, ill drop it for now. But you need to just accept you love him and move on. Don't overthink it," i said seriously.

"okay mom."

"Oh God, can you imagine someone is gonna be calling me that soon," i said, more to myself.

"I can see you as a mom. You always taking care of people or helping them fix their lives, even when they didnt ask," he laughed.

"What can i say, i dont know how to mind my business," i shrugged.

"Lowkey im the same," he said. "But i gotta go."

"Okay babe, have a good practice. Ill talk to you later." He said bye and then i hung up.

Cayden

"Yo, How's the shipment going?" I asked him, referring to a deal i had going with Sean. He was organising the order while i handled the logistics and such.

"Man i don't think we have enough here. We gotta bring some from the other warehouse. I was gonna call Pat but i wanted to run it by you," he got up and i followed him out to the balcony looking down to the rest of the warehouse. It was busy with niggas at work like usual, organised by product.

"What he want?" i asked.

"Coke mostly, but he talking about he got some guy wants a bunch of crystal. We got 10, 20 pound max here," he said, nodding at the back of the room where the guys were breaking and weighing a fresh batch.

"Who the fuck wants to buy that much crystal?" My brows came together.

"Man who knows, thats your boy, ask him. Im just saying, thats pretty much all our supply from both warehouses, and we have one cook" he said. I nodded because he was right, but that wasn't my biggest concern. It was just weird to me that Sean was suddenly moving crystal when he had never before. I couldn't help think back to the time Randi asked if Sean could be trusted and wondered if she was on to something.

"Dont call Pat. Not yet anyways. Imma have a little meeting with Sean first," i decided.

"Got it," he nodded.

"By the way, thanks for checking on Randi while i was gone," i said. He shrugged.

"Uncle duties and what not," he smirked, "how she doing anyways? You weren't playing when you said she was emotional."

"She tired all the time, i feel bad. She go off on you?" I laughed.

"Nah, just crying and shit. I don't know how you do it."

"Ill take crying over when she gets angry."

"True," Ty nodded. I checked my watch.

"I gotta go find Keisha, i need her to get Sean here. I aint going to Cali, i just got back," i looked around a bit.

"She was here with Kassie earlier, training and what not. How you get her to come back anyways?" he raised a brow.

"I begged," i chuckled. " Why? you still got a crush on her? Thought you were all about the D now."

"Fuck you Cayden," he said, turning to go back to his office. I laughed and went off to find Keisha.

I ended up just calling Keisha from my office and she came up.

"Hey, sorry, Kassie was showing me around. She just left," she said.

"It's all good. I need you to do something for me though. 2 things actually."

"Sure, what is it?" she pulled out a pen and notepad.

"I need you to get Sean here. ASAP."

"Got it," she nodded.

"Also i need you to book me a trip, for 2. Jamaica, not business. Anytime in the next month or so," i looked up from my phone calendar.

"I'll get right on it..." she paused. "It's sweet. I mean, im assuming it's for your wife."

"Yeah it is. Gotta keep her happy," i shrugged. She smiled. Then she seemed to remember something and pulled out her phone

"Oh before i forget, the accountant is coming tomorrow. Just a reminder. Also, your calendar says its Ty's birthday soon, do you want me to arrange anything?"

"Remind me an hour before tomorrow. Get a gift for me, Randi is doing the rest. She throws unnecessary parties, its kind of her thing," i rolled my eyes.

"Okay then. Ill go start on this," she said, turning for the door.

"How was the training by the way?" i asked. Kassie had been here the whole time i was gone, showing her the ropes

"Good. She was really nice. She had a lot of great things to say about you. But i'm not surprised, you're a nice guy Cayden. I cant tell you how much this job means to me, my son too," she brushed her golden curls aside. "I mean i made decent money at the club, but...this is a lot better," she bit her lip. I nodded.

"You should have called me, I always cared about you Keisha," i smiled at her gently seeing her get emotional. She was all tough exterior, it was rare to see this side of her.

"I was embarrassed," she shrugged.

"You aint gotta be. How people make money is none of by business. Bur don't worry, i pay my assistants a lot. You gotta put up with my ass, just wait, you'll be sick of me soon." She laughed.

"Thanks Cayden," she smiled.

"You're welcome," i said simply. She left and closed the door behind her.

Once she was gone i called Randi to check on her.

Randi

Cayden called me just after id gotten off with Cole. He asked how i was and then he was telling me about what he was doing and when he would be home. Then i heard someone talking in the background, it wasn't a guy though, it was a female voice.

“Who is that” I said.

“Who’s who?” He asked. I sat up straighter in the bed chair.

“The chick talking in the back ground,” i said. I couldn't think of any reason for there to be a girl in his office at the warehouse. I knew there were a few girls who were involved in selling and what not but Cayden didn't spend time talking to pedlars or people lower in the chain, he handled all the big time stuff. I started to wonder if he wasn't really at the warehouse but i didn't see why he would lie.

“Keisha,” he said, as if that meant anything. “My assistant.”

“When did you get an assistant? You don’t like anyone, how’d you even pick someone.”

“I told you months ago that I needed an assistant baby,” he reminded me. This was true but still.

“Hm,” I said simply.

“So we good then? I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said.

“Okay,” i said, hanging up. I had been too annoyed to say bye or I love you.

Why would he get an assistant without telling me? If that even was his assistant. I knew there was always random girls walking around that definitely weren’t assistants, the business kind anyways. I wondered what this Keisha girl was assisting Cayden with and my blood started to boil. I tried to not be this person but pregnancy also had me a bit mentally unstable and I wasn’t particularly confident right now. Was Cayden fooling around with another girl because i was becoming the size of a whale? I panicked and started to get up off the bed and pulled on a sweater.

I wasn’t really sure what I was doing until i was driving for 20 minutes and leaving the city to go towards the warehouse. I never came here on my own and I started to second guess myself as I pulled up and security immediately posted up. I got out of the car and locked it. One of the guys looked familiar though and I was pretty sure I’d seen him before.

“Are you lost shawty?” Another guy said, licking his lips in a disgusting way and looking down at me. I was about to release all my fury on him when the familiar guy spoke up.

“That’s Cayden’s wife you idiot” he said. The previous guy shrunk back.

“My bad,” he said quickly, head down.

“Should i get Cayden for you?” The familiar guy asked. I shook my head.

“I know my way,” I said, motioning to the door. They paused but moved out of the way. I adjusted my cardigan and went in. People stared at me because i rarely came period let alone on my own. Also I was pretty pregnant now which drew attention. I went upstairs to the offices and stopped in front of Cay’s. I debated whether or not to knock then decided against it. I opened the door and walked in.

Cayden looked up and his face went very confused when he saw me. He was in the chair and a girl stood beside him, bent over and pointing to the computer screen.

“Randi? What the fuck are you doing here?” He said. My face must not have looked happy because he quickly got up. “I mean is everything ok? Is it the baby?” He came over and put a hand to my lower back. I immediately checked his hand for the wedding band which was there.

“The baby’s fine,” I said, looking him over for lipstick, makeup, anything.

“What’s going on then?” He asked. I looked up at the girl standing and starring at us. Cayden looked up. “Keisha can you give me a minute with my wife,” she stood for a minute looking which was strange but then she shuffled out. I was looking around his office looking for any signs of anything messy when Cayden put a hand to my cheek. “Baby, What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, feeling like the biggest fool.

“You drove all the way up here for nothing. Nah,” he shook his head. I choked up, I couldn’t say I came because I thought you were cheating.

“I don’t feel good,” I lied. I did feel sick to my stomach all of a sudden but more out of guilt. Guilty that I’d thought he’d do something like that and also because the way he looked worried now that he thought I was sick.

“Maybe I should take you to the hospital,” he said, feeling my forehead.

“No I’ll be okay,” I said quickly. “I think I just need to go home,”

“I’ll take you,” He said “someone will come pick me up after.” I agreed. He held me all the way out of his office and down the stairs. Once we got in the car I was still thinking about the fact that he got an assistant and didn’t tell me. That was still sketchy, cheating or not.

“How do you know her?” I asked.

“Keisha?” He asked. I waited for him to lie because honestly I already knew the truth. I was simply testing him.  “Being 100, we used to fuck but it was a long time ago, and we were actually friends.”

“So is that why you didn’t tell me?” I asked.

“This about to be a problem isn’t it?” He asked. “Wait? Is that why you drove all the way down here?” Well shit.

“Well I heard a girl in your office,” I said, defending myself. He turned to face me then.

“And you automatically assumed I was what? Cheating?” He looked upset. I was supposed to be the one angry. “You don’t even trust me huh? Still,” he shook his head. When he put it like that he made it sound bad.

“It’s not like that-“

“What’s it like? You came running, so that’s what you thought.”

“Well...” I started. “Normally I wouldn’t be scared but look at me,” i gestured at myself. “I don’t look tight and right at the moment. And don't eve play me like you didn't just hire a girl you used to sleep with and not tell your wife about it.”

“You’re insane Randi. You’ve lost your mind. I ain’t even gon fight you cause you carrying my kid.” I got frustrated and was fighting the urge to break into tears so i just glared out the window for the ride home.

[im-no-jedi]

ok! here’s the first set of questions for my Voltron OCs. since there’s so many of them, I’m splitting them into two posts. here’s Faelyn first:

1. What do they smell like? - probably a mixture of sweat and whatever soap she uses to clean her armor with LOL 

2. What is their voice like? - Daisy Ridley

3. What is their biggest motivator? - she made a vow to protect Princess Allura at all costs to both her brother and King Alfor, so you better believe she’s gonna do that

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? - she doesn’t really get embarrassed?? she gets flustered around Keith sometimes but that’s about it LOL

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? - she shrugs it off, usually tries to make light of the situation, no matter how bad it is. she’s literally like that part in Frozen with Olaf, “oh look, I’ve been impaled” XD

6. What do they like to wear? - she wears her Altean Guard armor pretty much every waking moment. hardly anyone outside of Allura has seen her without her armor on

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively? - Allura, because she’s her best friend and would do anything for her. and Shiro, because he reminds her of her brother.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? - all Altean food is weird LOL

9. Describe the way that they sleep. - she sleeps very soundly, she can get to sleep pretty easily, but she’ll pop up at a moment’s notice, ready for anything 

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? - she loves the food goo, but her favorite is Nunvil. she went around asking all the paladins if she could have their Nunvil at that party when she found out nobody liked it LOL

11. What do they feel most insecure about? - that she’s not doing enough for her friends, even after they’ve told her that she’s more than helped them, it’s just never enough for her

12. How do they like to dress? - again, she wears her armor pretty much all the time except when she’s sleeping

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? - she is soooo hard on herself, she never thinks she’s doing enough for anyone, and even though she wears a happy face 99% of the time, she always manages to make herself feel guilty about something (probably due to what happened to her brother during the start of the war)

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? - LOL you better run cause she gon frick you up son. if S3 Shiro turns out to be an evil clone, he’s gonna get socked in the face real hard haha

15. What is their greatest achievement? - overcoming her fears and owning up to her duty as Allura’s official bodyguard

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? - exactly like Leslie in that one episode of Parks & Rec, she acts like everything’s fine, but she just starts spouting nonsense LOL

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? - similar to when she’s sleep deprived, she acts like everything’s fine, but she’ll run into walls and say weird things and stuff like that LOL

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? - she likes whatever the other paladins listen to, but Shiro and Keith’s music are her favorite kind (also when she finds out the both of them can sing and Keith can play guitar, she’s just like *heart eyes* XD)

19. Are they right or left handed? - she’s ambidextrous, but mostly right-handed

20. Fears? - losing loved ones :c

21. Favorite kind of weather? - she looooves the rain, she’ll go out and dance barefoot in the rain she loves it so much X3

22. Favorite color? - blue!

23. Do they collect anything? - battle scars >:D

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? - hot, but she’s good with either

25. What is their eye color? - blue-green

26. What is their race/ethnicity? - Altean, skin tone similar to Coran’s

27. Hair color? - it’s really hard to describe... it’s an orange pinky brown color... like imagine Coran’s hair but more brown and also slightly pink? I’ll have to post a pic of it sometime LOL

28. Are they happy where they are currently? - very much so

29. Are they a morning person? - absolutely

30. Sunrise or sunset? - both

31. Are they more messy or more organized? - pretty organized, but she’s not afraid to get messy ;)

32. Pet peeves? - when someone doesn’t listen or pay attention to what someone else is saying

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? - her sword used to belong to her brother, he gave it to her when she became Allura’s bodyguard. it’s the only thing she has to remember him by :c

34. Least favorite food? - idk she’s not very picky LOL

35. Least favorite color? - she loves all the colors! \o/

36. Least favorite smell? - the paladins’ dirty laundry ROFL

37. When was the last time they cried? - ....when her brother was killed ;__;

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? - Allura and Coran were both there. they’ve never seen Fae so upset before or since that moment :c

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? - her arm nearly got impaled by a sword once. that was one of those laugh-it-off moments LOL

40. Do they have any scars? - pretty much everywhere yeah haha

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? - well, she often hides her pain behind a happy and cheerful attitude, but I wouldn’t call that a “mental health issue”, just a problem with admitting her true feelings

42. Do they have any bad habits? - she has a tendency to punch first, ask questions later ROFL

43. Why might someone dislike them? - I guess if you don’t like perky people, she could come across as annoying

44. Why might someone love them? - she’s a very caring person, also quite goofy and just fun overall. also she stronk LOL

45. Do they believe in ghosts? - LOL nah

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? - all of her friends, she trusts them very much

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? - she has a reeeeeeeeeally big crush on Keith. like, she’ll go out of her way to ask him to spar with her just so she can spend time with him LOL

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? - I’ve thought up instances where she gets with Keith, Shiro, or Tyzh; my preference is Keith, but she could easily get with Shiro or Tyzh too

49. Do they like surprises? - YES. if she was given a surprise party, she would absolutely LOVE IT.

50. When is their birthday? - sometime in the spring, haven’t decided exactly when yet

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday? - not very big, usually only with the people closest to her. she’s never had a real birthday party before, but she’d love to have one

52. Do they have any family? - she used to have an older brother, but he died at the beginning of the war with the Galra. the paladins, Allura, and Coran are her family now :3

53. Are they close to their family? - VERY MUCH SO

54. What is their MBTI type? - I took two different quizzes, and she came out as ESFP for both of them, so I guess that’s the one!

55. What is their zodiac sign? - *shrugs*

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in? - Hufflepuff, definitely. she could easily be a Gryffindor too though

57. What D&D alignment are they? - Chaotic Good haha

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about? - she has dreams about the day her brother died sometimes :c

59. What are their views on death? - NOPE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. NOBODY DIES WHILE SHE’S AROUND NOPE.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at? - literally anything, she even laughs at Lance’s bad jokes, even when she doesn’t understand them LOL

61. When bored, how do they pass time? - she’s like, always in the training rooms tbh

62. Do they enjoy being outside? - oh yes

63. Do they have an accent? - British, she sounds exactly like Daisy Ridley’s normal voice

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction? - she’s never had cake before, but she reeeeally wants to try it after hearing the paladins describe it to her. she would gobble it down as soon as she saw it LOL

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say? - she would tell everyone how much she loves them and give everyone a big bear hug

66. How do they feel about sex? - she’s... definitely thought about it haha

67. What is their sexuality? - pansexual, but she leans more towards masculine people

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood? - nah LOL

69. Is there anything that they find really gross? - not that I can think of, she’s pretty tolerant of stuff

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? - Beware the Nice Ones LOL 

71. Do they enjoy helping people? - TOO MUCH LOL

72. Are they allergic to anything? - nope

73. Do they have a pet? - no, but she loves playing with the castle mice

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper? - only if someone or something threatens Allura or one of her other friends. she’s VERY protective of Allura especially. she will not hesitate to punch a man if need be for insulting the princess LOL

75. How patient are they? - quite patient!

76. Are they good at cooking? - she’s ok at it, she’d much rather have Hunk do the cooking though

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often? - only playfully or if she’s really mad

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy? - she’s happy like, all the time, that’s her thing LOL

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears? - she’s very understanding and tries to be as encouraging as possible to help them work through their fears

80. Are they trustworthy? - the most trustworthy person you’ll ever meet :3

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it? -  YES.

82. Do they exercise regularly? - all the friggin time LOL

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look? - yup!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people? - good physical prowess, being good with a sword, and just being a good fighter in general.

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive? - aggressive, emo guys I guess LOL

86. Do they like sweet foods? - OH YES

87. What is their age? - 18 human years, +10,000 from being in cryostasis for so long

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between? - she’s considered tall for a female, she’s about an inch taller than Keith

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts? - nope

90. Do they consider themselves attractive? - not as much as Allura

91. What is their sense of humor like? - she’ll laugh at literally anything, even the dumbest things

92. What mood are they most often in? - cheerful, happy, positive, upbeat, all that stuff :3

93. What kinds of things anger them? - insulting or threatening Allura or her other friends and just the Galra army in general

94. Outlook on life? - positive, very positive

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed? - when her friends are sad or depressed

96. What is their greatest weakness? - not being open about her true feelings

97. What is their greatest strength? - being able to see the good in pretty much anyone and anything, and being super supportive of other people

98. Something that they regret? - not accepting her role as Allura’s bodyguard sooner and just overall being a stinker about being a bodyguard instead of a soldier like her brother

99. Biggest accomplishment? - realizing that she didn’t need to be a soldier to make a difference in the war and accepting where she needed to be with Allura so that she could protect her c’:

[padawanlost]

I still, up until this day, have no idea why the council held such a personal dislike towards anakin. Aside from the “he’s too young” or “he feels too deeply.” Didn’t anakin try to follow the rules? Unpopular opinion, but the fandom tends to drag how Anakin was the embodiment of rebellious and recklessness at every turn but... he’s really not?

The Council’s behavior around Anakin had NOTHING to do with who he was as a person. Just like Obi-wan’s ‘pathetic life-form’ dismiss, the Council’s rejection of Anakin happened before they even knew what he was. People use Yoda’s ‘fear is the path to dark side’ speech to validate de Council’s decision but the truth is that they had already dismissed Anakin before that. and even if they hadn’t, it baffles me how some people have no trouble with how a 9 years old child was treated. Anyone who looks at 9 years old and gives up on them because ‘they don’t like a good person’ or that they are ‘beyond helping’ is an asshole. The audience may know, but at that point not a single character knew what would become of Anakin. 

Like Anakin, I was well past infancy when I began my training at the Jedi Temple. There was much concern about whether I was too old to learn the ways of the Force, that my Cerean childhood might cloud my judgments, but … I am not certain of how to express myself. My mind tells me I should feel empathy for Anakin, but my instinct tells me something else. [Ki-Adi-Mundi in Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

What disturbs me most of all is Anakin Skywalker himself. It is not in my nature to make assumptions about anyone based on appearance, and yet I find it almost alarming that the boy looks so entirely unremarkable. If I didn’t know better, I would have dismissed him as a harmless raga-muffin. [Ki-Adi-Mundi in Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

This is cruel. A raga-muffin is defined as ‘a poorly clothed often dirty child’. They recognize Anakin’s extreme situation, they know he was a former slavery who had just been separated from his mother but their reaction is: ‘I don’t trust him’. a bunch of grown men treat a poor, traumatized child coldly because they don’t trust HIM. Is that the wisdom I am supposed to blindly admire and defend? The one that dismiss everyone who doesn’t fit in? No, thanks.

There was no sympathy for Anakin.

Inside, Anakin Skywalker faced the Jedi Council, standing in the same place Qui-Gon Jinn had stood some hours earlier. He was nervous at first, brought into the chamber by Qui-Gon, then left alone with the twelve members of the Council. Standing in the mosaic circle and ringed by the silent assemblage, awestruck and uncertain of what was expected of him, he felt vulnerable and exposed. The eyes of the Jedi were distant as they viewed him, but he sensed they were looking not past him, but inside. They began to question him then, without preliminary introductions or explanations, without expending any effort at all to make him feel comfortable or welcome. He knew some of them by name, for Qui-Gon had described a few, and he was quick to put faces to names. They questioned him at great length, testing memory and knowledge, seeking insights at which he could only guess. They knew of his existence as a slave. They knew of his background on Tatooine, of his mother and his friends, of his Podracing, of Watto, of everything factual and past, of the order of his life.  [Terry Brooks. The Phantom Menace]

And yet, Anakin tried so hard to fit in. This super rebellious, ‘fuck you, council’ Anakin the fandom uses to justify the Council’s behavior only exists in the clones wars (2008). Yes, Anakin have always broken rules and had difficulties acting as the perfect Jedi but he never openly defied the Council. If you watch the movies it becomes obvious that Anakin always submitted to them (even when he didn’t like). His greatest defiance (his marriage to Padmé) shouldn’t count as justification for the Council’s behavior because they found out the truth. 

Anakin was submissive. The only time openly challenged the Council to the their face was when they denied the rank of Master and we we all know how that short-lived:

Most of the time, Anakin was really insecure. When he was growing up he desperately needed Obi-wan’s approval. Later he needed Padmé’s support to go after Shmi and later Obi-wan. 

[Padmé] put the cup down on the small table beside her. “Even though you’re concerned for Anakin—and I know you are, so don’t bother with the stoic-Jedi act—I imagine you’re not very pleased with him right now. But you should know, Obi-Wan, he did not disobey his orders lightly.” Startled, he stared at her. Then he pulled a wry face. “Which time do you mean? When he left Naboo for Tatooine, or Tatooine for Geonosis?” “Both times. Obi-Wan, no matter what you might think, he takes being a Jedi very seriously. It’s all he talks about. Being a Jedi, and not disappointing you. He—” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space]

He was the Chosen One, they told him. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. Anakin thought that some little extra support might go with being the Chosen One, a helping hand or at least some understanding from the Jedi Council, but instead he was passed around like an unwelcome burden, ending up with Qui-Gon Jinn and then Kenobi because nobody else would have him. His chosen status meant less than nothing; it felt more like a stigma. And they wondered why he was difficult at times. Maybe they didn’t want balance, whatever that was. Maybe nobody liked a Jedi who was that different. He felt like an embarrassment to them. I do everything you ask of me. I try so hard. When is it going to be enough? When are you going to say, “Okay, Anakin Skywalker, you’re good enough”? Karen Traviss’s The Clone Wars

And even if he hadn’t been, NOTHING justifies the treatment he got as a little child because you cannot use something that didn’t happen as a reason. In real life, if someone mistreats a kid because they fear the kid might grow up to be a criminal it would be considered abuse. But because it’s Anakin – the butt of every joke – the cold treatment Anakin receives as child is somehow a beautiful example of the Council’s compassion and forethought. 

It’s kind of funny. I mean, if the Council was right to treat a 9 years with disdain because the kid was going to grow up to be evil I wonder how fans justify Yoda admiring Papatine – an actual Sith Lord – for years?

The Jedi were sworn to uphold the Republic and protect its ideals, not entangle themselves in the fortunes of any one Chancellor. Political careers were not their affair. Personalities were supposed to be irrelevant. But somehow Palpatine was changing that. Not by being a bully or imposing his will. Quite the opposite: he was constantly resisting the Senate’s eagerness for him to assume more and more executive powers. He resisted, the Senate insisted, so reluctantly Palpatine agreed. And every time he acquiesced to its requests, he turned once more to the Jedi for advice. It was hardly an ideal situation. The Jedi Council was not just another branch of the executive office. But how, in good conscience, could it refuse to aid a man who so humbly petitioned for their assistance? A man who championed them in the Senate at every opportunity? Who had worked tirelessly for peace since assuming the highest political office in the galaxy and was now faced with the daunting, terrifying task of keeping their vast Republic intact? How could the Jedi Council turn its back on such a man? Clearly, it couldn’t. Clearly, in the face of these extraordinary times, the Jedi must set aside their traditions and come to the aid of the man a galaxy looked to as its savior. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space]

Somehow, I guess it’s okay to treat 9 years old Anakin poorly because he *might* be evil at the same it’s also okay to treat a sith lord with the uttermost respect and bending the rules to accommodate him because he *is* evil but they don’t know it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

So, this is not just about Anakin and how the fandom has a lot of trouble sympathizing with him. This is also about how the fandom fails to recognize the Council’s shortcomings.

Not to quote Filoni again but...”I’ve always felt that one of Anakin’s downfalls, like it’s never that Anakin was innately going to be evil, but the people around him, the Jedi, in their lack of compassion, in being so selfless that they almost forgot to care.”