#this is for the simon haters out there. love yall <3

[tumblerislovetumblerislife]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland Characters: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland (DCU), Despair of the Endless, Simon (Dead Boy Detectives) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Alive, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Charles Rowland Has ADHD (DCU), Autistic Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Mutual Pining, Play Fighting, The rituals are intricate okay, everyone give it up for the (alive) postman aka #1 cockblock, passenger princess edwin, High School Reunion, giving edwin THREE different hell analogies in this one. he really do be going through it huh, why are you as a man a lawyer? to call another man your legal partner?, all my homies hate simon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, First Kiss, Love Confessions Summary:

Edwin returned to the envelope, from which his attention should never have veered, and opened it with a single, precise cut. The letter opener was returned to Charles – another brief, searing touch – as Edwin carefully removed and unfolded the glossy paper. The crest in the letterhead, a bloody wound against the white background, immediately caught his eye. “St. Hil’s, innit?” Charles, leaning over Edwin’s shoulder, confirmed what they both knew. They exchanged a dark, speaking glance. No, neither of them had fond memories of that place.

Or: Edwin attends his high school reunion and is very normal about his (legal) partner.

[peachesofteal]

bro.... dead disco.... sorry this is like. really long lmao. I actually cut it down! It was 3 pages in google docs originally lmfao. you’ve broken me

i cried. i had my sad playlist on already and 'jacob and the stone' was playing..... BAWLING!!! go listen to it and then imagine reading when she and simon were just sitting, quietly holding eachother, knowing it was gonna be for the last time, while listening to THAT 😭😭😭

you did such a magnificent job with this chapter. no better way to end it. sorry 2 the haters but im gonna go out and say that this WAS a happy ending! Bittersweet of course, but it was the best ending we could have hoped for darling to get. yea, they didn't end up together but thats NOT the 'bad' ending! I think it would’ve been the ‘bad’ ending if she didn’t leave, and never gave herself the opportunity to grow as a person and flourish under her own making, and either left later with many more years invested or just perpetually stayed in this cycle. leaving is so hard and it takes a tremendous amount of strength, yall. like.... she did it 🥹 she's gonna get better, even if it has to be without her boys at her side

thinking back to their entire dynamic, darling was only happy and healthy when they were there with her. it never gave her a fighting chance. she DID benefit from being with them, knowing such sweet boys and experiencing being loved so deeply, but i do feel like she outgrew the relationship in a way. 

she's kinda like a tomato plant. it can't properly grow without scaffolding, but its back in the dirt when you yank it off the stakes. it can never flourish. The boys got tomato-darling out of the dirt for a bit, but she needed new scaffolding that wasn't dependent on things (or people) that wouldn't always be there. to keep growing, the structure had to be built herself. it gives her a new level of control and confidence and pride i think, not having to rely on outside help, knowing you have the means to take care of your own base needs (not that support is bad! but it was dependence)

for what its worth too, i think the secrets they kept (the marriage thing, the one night stand that was actually 2 nights, the 'secret' conversations they had with just a glance that she was never entirely privy to) were also something that perpetually kept her 'othered' in  the relationship, and thats REALLY hard to overcome. i dont think the boys quite had the awareness they thought they had to give this relationship a fair shot, since they didn't seem to see from her perspective why that would be so difficult for a partner until the end (even then, i think johnny still lacked the insight that this is how she felt every single time they left for deployments)

i think its a good thing that they ALMOST made it, too. they were a week away from the month of no-contact. if they'd only made it a week in, then you could chalk it up to not trying hard enough, but if they were so close and johnny STILL couldn't hold back for just a few more days, thats a codependency for sure, and if they had just eked out the last few days, then maybe they would’ve tried to go right back to the status quo and Darling would still be stuck in the rut

simon's one last act of service to make her dinner broke my heart. he's so willing, even in the worst of circumstances, to do what he can for her because he loves her so much, and he damn well knows its the end of it for the three of them. he loved her so so desperately :(

“A man who knows what's coming. Who's always been able to see inside you, and yet, still makes you dinner. Still cares for you in the way he knows how. “ like set my heart on fire too while ur ripping it out of me, man 💀

I think simon’s last words when they were talking at the kitchen table really perfectly sum things up. They finally understood the pain of separation, the dependency, and see how much turmoil it caused Darling, and how unfair it was. Even if she was asking them to be selfish, it WAS selfish to stay

“The guillotine waits in the wings, a final chorus cut off by a symphony.” i just really liked this line. They both know its still coming, but they want to delay it just a little bit longer

When she ran down the hall, and he indulged in one last kiss but forced himself to put the distance back between them and leave…. damn…….

The next morning, when she went to the apartment, I think it was smart of darling too, to notice that she shouldn’t feel complete only when she has her partners there together at that moment. They should add to, not make up a life. 

“It’s beginning to become overwhelming, and in the throes of your building panic, you glance wildly at Simon. He stares back. Nods.” Heartwrenching that at the end, darling and simon communicate through a glance while Johnny is left out of the exchange. It hurt so much seeing that Johnny didn’t quite get it like they did. He was still bargaining, thinking his messup was the cause of everything, and not seeing the big picture. sweet boy :(((( i do hope he doesn’t resent simon or darling in the grief of it, blaming them for not trying as hard as he was, desperately begging to stay together at the end

AND SIMON SAYING HE WAS PROUD OF HER!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

“You, who is stepping forward without darling.” its sad to think that this nickname almost became a burden to bear. She’s no longer their darling, now she’s just… her ❤️

In hindsight, i think i always knew it was going to end like this. The first oneshot (before it became a bigger full fic) ended with her leaving, and i think i was so attached to them working through it because i didn’t know how much healthier of a dynamic they could have, and thought these guys were it. But having read the dynamic you’ve written in simple math, its apparent how much more in tune with things they can be (moral greyness asides lmfao) johnny in particular is so tuned into bunny and simon, and here he still doesn’t quite get it. SM simon takes control with seemingly a lot more experience and instead has the fight of getting bunny to relinquish the control, sure, but its in a way that it feels temporary. DD simon went about it in a way that never got darling to a place where she could take care of herself BY herself, forcing her to be dependent to keep up the same standards. I think at some point you said that SM and DD aren't the same universe, but SM is basically the more experienced, reliable, mature version of DD, and after hearing that I’ve had very open eyes to it lol. I love them both, but its ok for them to have room to grow

i have more thoughts but theyre still scrambled into incoherent yelling and tears so i will spare u those lmfao

idk where the epilogue will go, but i have a feeling they’ll all be better for it, and could be maybe friends someday

as someone who has thought of themselves at times as difficult to love due to struggles i can't necessarily control, this story gave me a lot of hope that i COULD find someone who could love me not just despite my problems, but love me WITH my problems. i think thats an extremely special story to have, so again, thank you for writing this ❤️

I agree this was really long but I loved every sentence and have always loved your analysis of stories and characters. I agree this was the happy ending and I'm sure the epilogue will provide some closure (with lingering questions though). Your tomato plant analogy is perfect, and I think/know Darling will grow and flourish on her own.

The nuances of the chapter, Simon cooking her one last meal, taking care of her one last time, I think those were final things that made her really believe and realize she had to step out on her own, because you're right, they were all too codependent and Simon thrived taking care of Darling, but at what cost?

Anyway thank you always, it's been such a joy to share this story with you and hear your thoughts. I always look forward to them.