#this is for an art gallery im hosting next week.

[lilybug-02]

Mwhahaha guess who finally got their stickers >:)

[becomingmina]

hey would you be able to write a felix x fem reader angst? when felix falls out of love with her.

“ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT HATE?" anon request w/ LEE FELIX.

pairing: felix x female reader genre + warnings: angst, reader cries wc: 1.9k mina's note: tmi - my ex fell out of love with me so this hits home a little. we meet when we were 12 and we broke up when we were 21. anyways, i hope you guys like this :)) and to the cuties anon who requested this, thank you very much!! sorry for making you wait, im just like felix i have no reason!

other works here ; any comments and thoughts you can drop them here ; ty for reading.

“I asked you a question baby,” you say from across the kitchen island. Felix was occupied on his phone, sitting on the stool on the other side of the counter.

“I gave you an answer Y/N,” he huffs after a few seconds, not lifting his head from the device.

“Yeah, but not verbally though,” you make your way over to him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure you’re grown enough to figure it out, Y/N,” he replies back, rolling his eyes up from his screen for a second before continuing with scrolling.

“You’re really fine with them being blue?” You questioned again, hugging him from behind, your chin resting on his shoulder.

“They’re just cupcakes, they’ll get eaten anyways. I don’t understand what’s the big problem with the colour of the icing,” he says irritated.

It was Chan’s turn to host dinner for your friend group. You and Felix usually bring over homemade cupcakes for dessert. It was a ritual to spend every last Saturday of the month together in the kitchen baking and decorating two dozen cupcakes. And usually, it was Felix who would have a hard time choosing the colour for the icing but today it seems he just wanted to get the cupcakes over and done with.

“Okay,” you replied defeated, feeling a little hurt at his tone. “Did you wanna help me?” You softly asked, sniffing his shoulder to take in his sweet scent.

“I’m busy,” Felix sighed.

“Okay, I’ll iced them then,” you moved yourself away Felix, walking back to your original position in the kitchen.

Lately you feel like Felix hasn’t been his clingy needy self. He would stick onto you like glue every second of the day but recently he’s been distant. You can’t pinpoint when exactly it became like this, but you were sure it’s been a couple of weeks by now. He’s been telling you that work has been busy for him, and you understand how it can affect him, but you still feel a little bit downhearted when he visually shows his annoyance with you.

After finished up with the icing and getting yourself ready, you sat in living room with the box of cupcakes on your lap patiently waiting for Felix. He had locked himself in the office, saying he needed to go over his feedback for some report for work.

“Hey, how’d it go?” You ask when you hear the office door open, but he ignores your question as he searches for his car keys. You expected it didn't go well.

The car ride to Chan’s was silent as you figured you should probably give him some space. He looks over to your side a couple of times noticing your quietness, but he doesn’t strike conversation with you, only making a few little comments about how bad traffic was. You brushed off his lack of initiative making excuses for him that he was just tired from work.

“He surprised me the other day! He’s going to rent out my favourite art gallery for our wedding reception,” Hana and Hyunjin was giving the group details their upcoming wedding at dinner. They were so cheerful talking about it and although you loved it for them, you couldn’t help envy it and wished for you and Felix to reach that stage in life shortly.

“Who’s next? Felix? Y/N?” Chan teased with a raised brow, and you goofily smile at the older man. You turned your head to Felix to see his reaction, but his head is tilted down and his face was straight. Chan notices the tension and quickly changes subject hoping no one else catch on. It caught you by surprise that he wasn’t as responsive as you were to Chan’s joke. It got you second guessing if it was even work that’s been making him like this.

You spend the rest of the night with the other girlfriends. As they spoke about their recent dates with their partner, all you could do was be happy for them concealing the fact that you and Felix hadn’t been on one in ages. You keep glancing over at Felix throughout the night but he showed you no attention. Usually you would catch him staring at you and blowing kisses and winks at you, but tonight there was nothing.

The car ride home was the same as the car ride there - quiet.

Felix walked in your apartment first, you followed behind him closely. As you put your bag on the entry way table you tripped over a pair of shoes accidentally falling forward on Felix in the process.

“Y/N watch yourself!” Felix yells, clearly annoyed.

“Sorry,” you softly say as you got up. “I just tripped,” you defend yourself, feeling tears start to form in your eyes at his tone.

“God can you look where you’re going?!” he groans turning around to face you. He was red mad. He had never got this angry at you before for tripping over.

“Did I do something wrong to you Felix?” You asked softly, feeling something heavy in your chest. You needed an answer to why he’s been treating you differently, it’s obvious now that it wasn’t because of work. “Last couple of weeks you have just been distant towards me and I’m a little hurt by it,” you say cracking your voice in the process, pulling a string on Felix’s heart. He frowns at your reaction.

You watch him sigh, hesitating little bit before he answers “You know work is hectic-”

“-Is it?” You questioned in an offended tone, dumbfounded that he used the same excuse again - work. “Work is hectic that you have to yell at me because I accidentally tripped on your shoes? Work’s been hectic that you can’t even smile at me in front of our friends? Work’s been hectic that you can’t even answer a simple question about the colour of the icing on the cupcakes that use to mean so much to you?!”

You didn’t expect to have an outburst like this. Felix doesn’t reply, he just takes a deep breath watching you as you continue to lash out at him.

“You don’t ask if I’m okay anymore. You don’t hug me anymore. Because of work?” You chuckle, sarcastically.

“Y/N-” he takes a step closer to you.

“-You’ve leave for work early in the morning and come back home late on the days I’m at home-”

“I-” he tried to speak again.

“And when it’s the weekend you lock yourself in the office all day. You avoid spending time with me, you avoid talking to me.” Your face was red, brows furrowed as you keep your tears from falling.

“Y/N, let me talk-”

“What did I do to-” You cut him off again.

“I’m not inlove you anymore!” Your heart drops at his words. The tears you tried to conceal instantly rolls down your cheeks and you take in a sharp breath. “This relationship is draining me.” He adds, breaking you even more.

You didn’t expect this. He’s been so mean to you lately all because he wasn’t in love you anymore? It doesn’t make sense to you that all of this was done because he fell out of love. You refuse to believe it.

“Are you sure it’s not hate?” You sniffled, pulling another string from Felix’s heart. "Are you sure it's not because you hate me?" you repeat yourself when he doesn't answer, feeling a bit anxious that it might be true, that he actually hates you.

“Never.” Felix replied rapidly this time, his tone a lot more softer now. “I could never hate you Y/N." Felix continues to conceals his emotions, not letting anything pass you.

“But you’ve been acting like you do.” You wiped your tears with the back of your hand, your eyes wavering to seek any reaction from him.

“I just needed space Y/N.”

“I gave you space. So much space,” you retorted.

“I think we should..” he stops before he says the last words, letting you piece the puzzle by yourself.

“You want to leave me?” You question and he flicks his eyes away from yours. You got your answer.

He lets out a heavy breath, running his fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes falling back on yours. “It’s for the best Y/N.”

“No, I don’t understand. Where I go wrong, Lix?.” you reached out to grip his forearm as the tears continued down your face, dripping to the floor.

“I don’t want to be here with you anymore,” he says softly, trying to loosen himself from your hold but you latch onto him tighter as you shake your head no.

“That’s not a reason Lix. Tell me where I went wrong,” You needed answers. He owe it to you. “You were the one who chased me, remember? You made me fall in love with you. It’s been 4 years and you want to leave me? Why?” You asked, in a complete mess.

“I don’t know,” he replies. “I’m sorry Y/N,” Felix apologies.

“Tell me why?”

“I can’t-”

“Then stay.” If he didn’t have an answer then he shouldn’t leave you, it’s unfair.

Y/N,” he says firmly.

“Just for one night,” you say, taking in a deep breath. “You can leave when I fall asleep,” you surrendered, eyes wavering waiting for his answer. “Please,” you beg.

“Y/N.. Baby I can’t,” it was the first time he called you that in a while and your heart breaks once more. He stopped calling you that and started calling you by name for months now. How is it that you never noticed until now.

“I’ll let you go when I fall asleep.. Please..Just love me one last time, Felix.”

Felix contemplated. He stared at you. Your glossy eyes. Your runny nose. Your red cheeks. He watches your chest rises up and down as you tried to control yourself. He hates seeing you cry, he hates seeing you hurt. It breaks him. He gives in. “Okay.”

He has you on pulled up flushed on him on your shared bed, your legs tangled with his. Your face pressed again his chest as one of his hand is wrapped around your waist and the other traces nothings up and down your back. Your tears haven’t stop, they fall effortlessly out of your eyes on his shirt. You stay quiet. You want to talk. You have so many questions to ask. So many things you want to know. But you stay quiet because you know Felix won’t answer you. So instead you stare into nothing as you replay back your happiest memories with Felix. You can’t help the small smile that is pulled on your face as you remember everything, every detail of everyday with him.

You tried you best to stay awake but you feel your eye lids closing. You don’t want to give in to sleep because you know by the time you wake up, he’ll be gone. But you’re exhausted, both your body and mind.

Felix stares up at the ceiling. He’s guilty. He owes you a reason, he owes you answers but he keeps quiet. He replays back memories but he doesn’t have the same reaction as you. He doesn’t smile. He cries instead. Tears run down his face as you recalls the soft and sweet memories with you. How could he do this to you? How could he make you fall in love with him then walk out like this? How could he say he was no longer in love with you?

Felix doesn’t hear your sniffles anymore. He feels your breathing evens out with his body. You had fallen asleep in his arms.

Felix presses a kiss to your temple, his arm still holding your waist tightly.

“I’m sorry.”

[kingskwing]

Hello!! M not too sure if ur busy with requests but I love your writing so I wanted to give this 'idea' that I've had for a bit now. If you don't mind, can I request a fic with Marius where he and reader broke up bcs he chose being the CEO of pax over the reader? It's really angsty ik but maybe with a happy ending? Thank you!!

ANON IM LIVING finally some good fuckin hurt/comfort || engineering major!reader inbound, it's also mentioned that the reader does commercial art, sorry 💔

Warnings: argument? They’re talking but it's a disagreement, breakup, SPOILERS for Marius’ story, kidnapping, Mild spoilers for Part 5, blood ment. and gunfire 

》 M.list

crisis control

It started, as it ended, with an argument. Of course, the beginning was far less emotionally charged than the gentle, sinking wreck that came later, but isn't such the case with all things? When time and effort is put into something, a piece of yourself is put within. And, when it eventually shatters, the pieces are hard to pick up.

》》¤

Being a student at Stellis University, admission to the campus art gallery was free. Your evening was uncharacteristically empty, so you decided to stop by to see the things your peers submitted for public view. On your way in, you waved to Professor Richter, having taken his class the year prior. 

You’d heard something about another Z piece being shown and kept an eye out for it, eventually spotting it and approaching. There was someone already there, so you stood next to them as you analyzed the piece.

“What do you think of the piece?”

The voice startled you and you faced the young man who’d been there before you. Taking another look at the piece, you spoke honestly.

“I don’t like it.”

“Oh? Why is that?” He seemed surprised.

“Now, I’m a mechanical engineering student, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but the composition and colors are just barely… off. They’ve got this beautiful spiral leading the eye to the center point, but there aren’t enough rigid structures for contrast. That, and this green in the bottom left quarter of the painting,” you gestured to it vaguely, “is slightly too warm for the tone. Then again, I struggle when color-picking for pieces, so it may be either a shared difficulty or a misperception on my part. Also, this stroke here, it’s far more textured than the surrounding area, setting a really strange feel for that specific area. How do you feel about it? It appears you like the artist, so I’m curious to hear your thoughts.”

As you spoke, his eyes flitted across the painting, brow set in thought. “First of all, you said you were an engineering major?” 

You nodded. “I do my own art on the side, much more commercial than this.”

“I see. You wanted my thoughts and I let myself get distracted,” he smiled. “I do see the extra texturing on that stroke, it does make the area discordant, but I disagree with the rest. I believe the color works well with the piece and that the spiral composition isn’t erratic enough to warrant the contrast you spoke of.”

“Tastes are always different... It's fun trying to see it from your perspective. Wait, I don’t think I told you my name,” you laughed. “I’m Y/N.”

He took the hand you extended and shook it firmly. “Y/N, huh? Good to meet you! I'm an art major at a school-hosted art gallery, so I expect to see you at the upcoming STEMfest next Saturday. What's your booth number?”

“You just assume- not important. 41B, why do you ask?”

“Great! See you then, I’ve got to go. And bring some of your art!” The man was walking away by now, leaving you confused in front of Z’s painting.

“What? Wait!” You ran around the corner, only to see him opening the gallery doors. “You never gave me your name!”

》》¤

It’d been a long day at STEMfest, entertaining kids and networking with professionals, but the art student from the week before was the most exhausting thing about your day. You recognized him as soon as he passed your stand. All seven times, in fact. He kept side eyeing you as he talked to every booth worker in the B section except you. He’d approach your booth, you’d reach for your portfolio, and he’d smile as he walked straight past you to talk to someone else.

Only when everyone began packing up did he finally approach you.

"Hey, artsy engineer," he smiled, lifting a box from your hands and following you to where it needed to go.

“Are you always this much of an ass?”

He was visibly surprised at your candid words and looked almost worried, but then he pouted when he saw the disbelieving grin on your face.

"You scared me, I thought you were really mad!" He nudged you with his elbow, a playful scold.

"Hmm, I should be, shouldn't I?" 

His answering 'nooo' was too adorable to resist.

He was easy to spend time with, the sun setting quickly while you two discussed art, history, engineering, and the general ways of the world. You'd been caught up in a conversation about whether or not planets feel like they're dancing when you saw how orange the sky had turned.

"Marius, it's getting late. I hate to leave you, but I ought to get home."

“Allow me to escort you to your car, my liege.” His exaggerated accent made you laugh.

“Ah, I walked,” you grinned.

“My car it is then!”

"Say, Marius, didn't you mention an upcoming day off? I'd like to go to a cafe with you sometime. 

His whole body seemed to lift up, eyes sparkling in the evening sun. "I'd love that, can I pick you up?"

"Of course, if you let me pay."

“Nope!” 

“Hmm, you can’t stop me.”

“I’m sure I can.”

“Is that a threat, Marius?”

“I would never.” His grin was blinding, so much so that it almost distracted you from the gleaming sports car he led you to.

“What major are you in again?” you asked, breathless. His car was beautiful, cutting edge and intelligently designed.

“Art and Art History, why?”

“Ah, so it’s daddy’s money,” you muttered cheekily before entering the vehicle.

You laughed upon hearing him sputter, relishing in the wide, flustered smile he flashed when quickly opening his car door to face you.

“I bought this myself, I’ll have you know.”

“Just teasing, Marius,” you lightly hit his arm before he started driving. “Wait. I must have blacked out the last couple minutes, you’re a near stranger and I’m in your car. Oh my god, that’s so irresponsible. You’re not going to kill me, right?”

“Ahaha! That’s for the coffee date.”

You froze for a moment, caught between a smile and a worried frown. However, before you could decide, he winked at you, prompting you to hit his arm again, harder this time. 

“Marius!”

“Hey, dear engineer, if you’re going to refuse to let me pay for coffee, I get to tease you as much as I like. It’s only fair.”

You directed him towards your dorm hall, joking and smiling the whole way. Of course, his position at Pax was revealed when you asked his last name to put his number in your phone, having recognized him from online headlines. However, that didn’t deter you from happily confirming the pickup time for your second date.

》》¤

He noticed everything, even if he didn’t realize it sometimes. Your heart swelled every time Marius complimented something new you’d bought, and despite his teasing about you adding his photo to your phone case, you know he was more flustered by it than you were. Every time you refreshed your phone wallpaper and lockscreen, every time you wore a new fragrance, every time you acted out of the ordinary, he noticed, be it passively or consciously.

Walking around Stellis was common for you two, stopping at every ice cream shop to try their novelty flavors. However, no matter how many bizarre ones there were, he got your favorite flavor for himself. He claimed it was because he liked it too, but you didn’t fail to notice that if you didn’t like the flavor you chose, he’d “share” his cup by giving you the entire thing. Surprisingly enough, seeing your face pucker at a flavor that was just too “out there” wasn’t his favorite part about ice cream joint hopping with you. No, his favorite part was messing with you. Early on in the relationship, Marius would often swipe his thumb across your lip to wipe away ice cream. You were too flustered to realize you weren’t enough of a messy eater to warrant such an action. Eventually, you caught on, checking in a mirror after eating and watching him pout when you didn’t let him.

“Marius, if you’re going to touch my lips, you may as well go all the way,” you shrugged, walking ahead of him.

He didn’t waste a second catching up to you and searching your eyes for sincerity before pulling you in for a light, teasing kiss.

》》¤

Even over a year into your relationship with the young CEO, his eyes still lit up whenever you agreed to go somewhere with him and his heart soared whenever you invited him places. Yes, he had a hard time balancing his busy schedule, but that just meant any time spent with you was made all the more precious.

When you moved in together, he was hard-pressed to keep his smile down when you played music while showering or working on projects. Some days, when you thought he was out, you blasted songs that made him tear up from trying to reign in his laughter.

He teased you for days each time.

》》¤

Moving in with him allowed you even more insight into his true self, the bashful, playful Marius who hides his artistic prowess behind a famed pseudonym: Z. He regularly showed you his pieces as he worked on them, leaving room for teasing when he kept works from you. Secrecy from Marius was relatively rare, so whenever it had to do with art, you poked and prodded him to show you what he had hidden underneath the veil over his easel.

“Goodness, Marius, is this how you see me? I’m flattered! It’s nice to know that under all that suave, you’re still a total simp.”

“No! Noo, don’t look at that, babe! It was supposed to be a surprise,” he whined, voice becoming clearer as he quickly approached the studio. His face reddened upon seeing how genuinely enamoured your eyes were as they scanned the piece. “Ah, well, you’ve already seen it. I suppose all that can be done…” He walked behind you and sat at the stool. “... is to work on it with you.” An arm wrapped around your middle and Marius swiftly pulled you into his lap. His chest rumbled with laughter against your back at the yelp you let out and he gripped you close as he could. In an instant, his breath was on your ear. “Isn’t this more comfortable than me hiding things from you?”

“Nope!” You shuddered at the odd feeling against your ear and worked to calm the heat in your cheeks. 

“Aww, come on! I’m warm and loving, among other things-”

“Oh my god, one more word and I’m moving out,” you laughed.

“Babe, you’d never do that to me,” he pouted, turning you in his lap and resting both hands on your waist.

“No, I wouldn’t, Marius.”

“Good,” he chirped, eyes quickly shifting back to his regular dangerous humor before he lifted you briefly, rose up, placed you on his stool, and made for the door.

“Marius Von Hagen!”

His home was filled with all kinds of laughter that day, from huffs of humored disbelief to mirthful peals.

》》¤

Though your time together was easy and delightful, things fell through after a little more than two years of dating. Your heart hurt watching him burn himself out day after day, coming back after a long shift at Pax to spend time with you and to paint in his studio. Time after time, especially after the forgery mess and the encouraging words of Sven Phillips, you pushed him to follow what he wanted. He was performing as Pax’s CEO to prove something to his father and lost brother. While you wished his reasons for it were healthier, your issue did not lie specifically with Pax. No, your concern was his willingness to give up art in exchange for recognition of his ability to keep Pax running. Was his self-esteem truly so low that he’d drop everything important to him when he could easily get recognition for something he was passionate about?

Unfortunately, you got your answer.

》》¤

“Marius, you know what I’m going to say.” The moon was high in the sky; you’d woken when Marius turned on the light to get to his studio.

“Then don’t say it. I don’t have time to do this again, I’m exhausted and haven’t gotten a chance to work on my piece all week.”

“That’s exactly it, though. You’re always too tired to do anything you enjoy! I know you’re busy at Pax and with your secret engagement, but you need to take some downtime or drop something. Your art fulfills you too much to let it fall by the wayside. I’ve respected your secrecy regarding where you go between Pax, SU, and here, so I don’t have any info on how rigorous it is. So, as far as I know, the one thing taking the largest toll, both emotionally and physically, is Pax. Something needs to give."

"No, I'm handling everything just fine. Stop bringing it up."

"You take ten minute naps instead of resting well! Your art screams for some kind of break, you need to make a choice, Marius!"

He was quiet for a good minute.

“Then… I choose you,” he whispered.

Silence fell.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” You knew what he meant, but your heart had fallen to your feet and it needed time to catch up with your mind.

“I choose… to drop you.” He was crying now, but you were too shocked to shed a tear.

“...Are you sure?” you asked.

He was surprised at your composed tone and quickly wiped his eyes, visibly holding sobs in. “If I’m honest, the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve done well managing my time between you, Pax, my art, and my side gig this past year, but things are heating up and I can’t… I can’t give you what you need.”

“What I need?” Your voice broke. “Marius, it’s what you need. I would never say this to anyone else, but I know you better than you know yourself at this point, and I’ve seen, felt the way everything falls away when you’re in your studio. Z is a beautiful thing you’ve created for yourself and it’s lucrative enough to keep plenty of your lifestyle afloat. Every time you tell me about Pax, your eyes age decades. I love you, Marius, and you love your art, but this constant striving to prove yourself is killing you.”

“Proving myself? I don’t have anything to prove,” he said lowly, brows furrowing above his red-rimmed eyes.

The quiet was deafening.

“Marius, I… I respect your decision.”

He seemed to snap out of his mild anger and started tearing up again, but you missed his hand reaching for yours as your head was down and your gaze was on the floor.

“I’ll pack some things, feel free to send the rest over when you catch a minute,” you said, voice breaking again. Turning toward the bedroom to gather your essentials, you let a tear slip and he let his hand drop.

He was sitting quietly in his studio when he saw you putting your suitcase into your car. It was only when he saw your head rest on your steering wheel and your shoulders shake that he let his own cries loose, moonlight glinting off the tears that fell and his sobs rang into the empty hallway.

》》¤

Marius felt he could breathe easier without the need to keep up a relationship, but he didn’t feel good about it at all. He knew where you were coming from, and you were right. However, despite his self-awareness, he couldn’t let go of Pax. He was tired and sad almost constantly and any reminders of you hurt his heart.

Z's works were considerably more gloomy now.

Marius heaved a sigh upon exiting his car, entering the very cafe he’d taken you to two years prior. Ordering his drink went slower than usual since he was caught up in his own thoughts, eyeing your regular order listed on the menu with tears burning to escape. In the few months he’d been apart from you, he hadn’t made any effort to reach out, unsure how you’d respond to a continued friendship after he’d selfishly picked Pax over you. Hell, he’d considered dropping art altogether if it meant he could have you back in his life, but he knew it was too late and you’d never accept that course of action anyways.

He’d only just sat back in his car when he received a call from Vincent.

“Sir, someone’s hacked into Big Data. They’ve uploaded a video-”

A call from Luke interrupted Vincent, and the rest of the assistant’s words went unheard over the ringtone.

“Hold on Vincent, I’ve got to take this.” 

The case the NXX was working on at the time was highly sensitive as they were trying to find alternate ways to indict Heirson until more information pertaining to Opaline village was found.

“Hey there Raven, what seems to be the proble-”

“Marius.” That was odd, Luke almost always referred to him as King when discussing NXX matters. Marius straightened in his seat. “Drop everything, you need to come to the NXX.”

“Has it got to do with the Big Data hack? Something about a video?”

“Yeah, but it’s far more serious-”

Marius sighed, not wanting to put up with another Big Data breach, not when he was thinking about you. “I’ll be right there,” he interrupted, hanging up without paying heed to Luke’s cries for him to wait and listen.

》》¤

Marius regretted not letting Luke finish. Maybe, if he had waited, he wouldn’t have been so stunned seeing you struggle against the bonds tying you to a chair in that godforsaken video. The other members were discussing who at Heirson could have captured you and who was confident enough to do such a thing, but Marius was glued to the screen. Every time he looped it, he noticed something else. The cut on your brow. The bruise on your lip. The blood staining the edges of the ropes keeping your wrists in place. The fear in your eyes. In all the time he’d spent with you, he’d never seen you afraid. But now? Seeing how terrified you were? He was scared.

Marius hit the play button to loop it again, causing Artem to close his eyes and grit his teeth. He couldn’t listen to the person onscreen struggle any longer while the voice behind the camera made their demands, despite not knowing the hostage. Rosa covered her ears, closed her eyes, and allowed Luke to pull her into his side, the detective's eyes set in anger at the captor and pity for Marius. To everyone’s surprise, it was Vyn that snapped.

“Marius Von Hagen! Do not play that video again.” Marius paused the video but did not turn around. “I am aware of your feelings towards them,” Vyn gestured to the screen, “but you fail to consider the others. Rosa is terrified, Libra and Raven are both upset, but none come close to how I am feeling. It was enough to watch my former student struggle in terror once, but to hear it over and over is a special kind of torture. Remember, Marius,” the young man flinched at another use of his name, but remained facing the screen. Vyn placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “You’re not the only one who cares for Y/N.”

At last, Vyn pulled lightly on Marius’ shaking shoulder so the young man would face him. Hearing your name after so long, especially with the situation at hand, broke him. Marius let his tears flow freely, keeping his sobs to hiccups and whimpers in Vyn's ear as the psychologist pulled the younger man into his arms.

The others were surprised, having never seen Marius so vulnerable.

The young heir did not show up for work that day.

》》¤

The team toiled day and night for around a week trying to find you. Marius, being less capable with computers, felt useless. He resorted to pulling strings from above, reaching through connections to identify the captor, the location, anything. Finally, they narrowed down the possible locations to just two dock warehouses. Luke needed to be onsite to figure out which location you were at, so the team split in half. Marius didn't listen to the decisions on who would go where, he simply started preparing his gear.

"King? You don't even know where you're going," Rosa said, concerned.

"I'm going south. I don't care who comes with me, but I know they're at the southern dock."

"Intuition, huh?"

"Something like that," he smiled. Rosa noticed his eyes were afraid, but opted not to comment on it.

Vyn took Rosa up north, just in case, but Luke trusted Marius' gut and went with him to confirm. Artem, being the sharpshooter of the group, joined the party heading south to provide extra cover.

Artem entered the driver's seat of one of the NXX's unregistered vehicles (provided, of course, by Marius), not trusting Marius' judgement enough to let him drive. Streets passed quickly, the commercial buildings shifting to the lesser-known outer edge of the city.

The more Marius let his mind run free while he sat in the backseat, the more his grip tightened on the firearm in his lap.

》》¤

Upon arrival, Luke called Vyn to let him know your captor was indeed holed up at the southern location, in case he and Rosa could drive down and provide support. The detective put away his signal tracker and drew his gun, joining Artem and Marius in quietly traversing the yard. The tracker wasn't made for pinpointing an exact location, but it was precise enough for them to know you weren't being held in the warehouse, leaving the storage yard out back.

Artem and Luke were quietly conversing on comms, updating one another on any sectors cleared or noises heard. Marius was uncharacteristically quiet, only chiming in when he cleared his own sections. 

The process was slow, but it picked up speed all at once. Gunshots went off in Luke's section, prompting Marius to rush over. Upon arrival, the young CEO hesitated. He looked between your captor and the open container behind the man. Seeing the man who captured you, injured you… Marius saw red. However, hearing a muffled noise from within the storage container caused him to stay back, momentarily caught in the middle.

Artem came up on him from behind and noticed his dilemma.

"King! Luke has him engaged, get inside and help the hostage." The senior attorney's voice was authoritative, accompanied with a shove to the shoulder to snap Marius out of his stupor before Artem left to support Luke against his surprisingly competent adversary.

Marius rushed into the container, heart breaking upon seeing you scared of the shadow that appeared before you. You'd assumed you were being rescued due to the commotion outside, but gunfire isn't exactly the most comforting sound. Marius' voice, on the other hand, was the peace you needed to think clearly.

"Y/N, Y/N, babe, I'm so sorry this happened, I never thought being involved with you would make you a target," he rambled until he couldn't breathe, apologizing for every circumstance that led up to this and for every slight wince you made as he undid your bonds.

You hadn't even had the chance to get a word in, much less move, before he scooped you into his arms and sank to his knees, holding you against him like a lifeline.

"Ah, Marius, not there-" his arm was pressing on what you assumed was a broken rib, but he quickly adjusted and silently brought your face into his shoulder with his other arm. His own head mirrored yours, his whole body almost curling around you protectively.

He'd been taking shaky breaths the entire time, but now he was full-on sobbing into your neck. His arms kept adjusting to cling to you ever tighter as his tears wet your skin.

Luke and Artem had taken the man into custody by now and rushed in to check on Marius.

For a moment, they thought you might have been dead, what with how Marius was crying, but a defensive look from you quickly fixed that. In turn, your expression softened, gathering that they must have come with him to rescue you.

Artem and Luke had taken to gathering the hostile's equipment as evidence while they waited for Marius to have his moment. Speaking of, Marius had calmed over time and loosened his grip, but his breaths still shuddered.

"Marius," you said at last.

His head snapped up to look at you, eyes misty from hearing you say his name again after so long.

"Hey engi-dear." 

You laughed with him, heart equal parts light and heavy at the silly nickname he'd bestowed upon you.

"Thank you."

"What for? If I hadn't let myself get involved with you-"

You placed a finger over his lips. "I'd like to think the issue is that I wasn't with you, under your watchful gaze."

His watery smile lifted your spirits. Although you were still terrified from the experience, your love for the man before you was all you could think about.

"I missed you," he whispered. "And seeing you on that screen…" 

"Hey, I know. I'm pretty shaken up myself," you laughed lightly. "But," you cupped his tear-stained cheeks, "you still came. And you did save me, I can't see a better outcome than that."

"I never thought I'd say this, but now is not the time for banter."

"Thought I'd give it a shot, didn't know a few months were enough time to make a responsible man out of you."

His chest rumbled against yours in laughter as he lifted you from the ground, one arm supporting your legs around his waist and the other across your back, hand splayed to hold you upright.

He carried you to the entrance of the storage lot where two cars idled. The walk was quiet, both people needing a mental reprieve, until Marius broke the silence. 

"Hm, I know a wonderful psychologist to talk to about all this. Who knows, maybe he'll be able to cure your ill-timed humor."

"Mister Richter!" you exclaimed, seeing the professor himself over your shoulder.

His stern face lifted into one of relief, happy to see his former student alive and relatively well.

"Dearest Y/N, I'm so happy you're alright—" his gaze darkened as his eyes flicked over you, taking in your injuries. "It appears I spoke too soon. Let's get you a private physician, you don't need the hustle and bustle of a general care hospital after that."

Marius seemed to get impatient, hefting you up again with a little huff and pleading eyes.

Vyn smiled at the young man's irritation. "We'll discuss how regularly you'll meet with me to process the incident come next Wednesday," he smiled, walking off to his shared car where a young woman stood. She was unfamiliar to you, but waved with her own relieved smile nonetheless. 

A young man with brown hair and a windbreaker entered the car with Vyn and the woman, presumably for a bit more privacy with Marius. Your boyfriend placed you into the backseat with the utmost care before rounding the vehicle and entering on the other side while Artem started the car and prepared to drive you to a trusted doctor, Apothecary, an NXX sideliner.

You were thankful Artem was driving, in part because you'd met him briefly before, but mostly because you were able to spend the drive close to Marius. The entire ride was quiet, save for the sound of gentle kisses being pressed to the top of your head every so often. 

》》¤

Healing was far from enjoyable, what with the lack of activity and regular pain. However, Marius' regular visits made it all the more bearable. He came as often as he could, even though he was using silence to avoid the elephant in the room. 

One day, well into his visit, you called his name. He turned to you, calling attention to his eyes. They'd been stormy since the rescue and you were confident you could guess why. Relationship stuff could wait, though. 

“I assume this is your ‘secret engagement’?”

He winced a bit, looked to the floor, and lifted his hand to soothingly rub at his own neck. “Yeah, yeah it is. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, but I didn’t want to stress you out. It’s not the safest hobby, is it?”

“Of course it isn’t! But I can tell what you’re thinking, and my answer is no. I’d never have asked you to let the NXX go, what you’re doing is too important. Not only that, but being at Pax is a huge help and I realize why you were so adamant on keeping your position as CEO. Marius,” you grabbed his hand that laid on your bed, causing his gaze to flick over every movement of your fingers on his hand.. “I never should have pushed so hard. Regardless of your motivation, as your peer, as your... lover, I never should have presumed to know better than you. NXX aside, your reasons for sticking with Pax are valid, I just don’t want to see the other side of you crumble beneath the weight of a demanding company.”

“...I agree that the push to rethink my position could have been gentler, but you were ultimately right. You weren’t presuming, you did know better. I’ve tried and failed to find a better balance since I realized that, but… something’s missing. You’re missing.” His eyes met yours once more, purple hues gentle amongst his resolute expression. “Y/N, you brought something to my life that no amount of inspiration or... validation could ever match.” His hand moved from beneath your fingers to hold your hand in his, grip firm, but still loose enough to allow you to escape. “If you’ll allow it, I’d like to have you back in my life, in whatever way you’re willing.” He squeezed your hand, his eyes pleading.

You withdrew your hand from his, not missing his face falling. Quickly, before he could make any more assumptions, you lifted his warm hand to your cheek, turning to press a kiss to the heel of his palm. His eyes misted as you spoke, tenderly thumbing your cheek.

“Marius Von Hagen,” you whispered, “I’d be honored to come back into your life and resume my place as your lover. If you’ll allow it, of course.” 

He didn’t miss the teasing lilt behind your words. “Always making fun of me, eh, engineer?”

You didn’t have a chance to respond as the hand on your cheek pulled you in and Marius kissed you lightly. It was more breath than kiss, both parties feeling overwhelmed at the familiar feeling. However, that didn’t stop him from diving back in, pressing a flurry of kisses in varying lengths to your smiling lips. His lips slid over yours, pulling them in and releasing them seamlessly. His light, happy laughs echoed into the air between and around you both, mixing with the sounds of your own joy. He kissed you slowly, softly, deeply, absorbing all he’d been missing for the past months. Whatever Pax threw at him, whatever dangers arose, whatever stifled his creativity, he felt he could conquer it all with you by his side to pull him through.

Some time later, Marius was laying next to you, curled into your side. The quiet was comfortable, until you decided to break it. 

"You really should have told me about the NXX."

His face fell again, but you were right. "I know, there wasn't any real reason for keeping it from you-"

"So irresponsible, keeping things from your partner. You ought to be a better boyfriend," you chided, barely holding back your smile.

"Y/N! You had me worried! Again with the ill- timed humor, it's too soon to tease me!" His adorable pout was the only thing on your mind as you kissed him for the umpteenth time that night, relishing in his presence. 

Yes, he had a lot to figure out. But so did you, and it certainly felt better to work out the walks of life with someone you truly love by your side.

[d3l3t3d-deactivated]

i cant sleep im thinking about art college

like, i have so so much more respect for the motherfuckers with purple hair writing fanfiction during class and turning in fanart as their finals than the pompous assholes in my major, who 100% believe they are better than everyone else because they make ugly, trash-collage gallery art to "parody the gallery scene" while also actively trying to become part of it. Art school nerds are fun and not afraid to be themselves. they are just like, nice people making art about things they are passionate about, who gives a shit if that thing happens to be candyland slashfic or whatever the fuck!!! theres passion and care and love and genuine emotion behind it!!! Meanwhile these arthouse assholes are like "we're a family down here :) we help each other out :)" and then make fun of my art, and how i dress, and my interests, and passions, and the people i look up to. and they make fun of my friends and peers behind their backs, and fucking show up to one of my drag shows just to make fun of it (because they think it's another department hosting the show, and FUCK the people who... make a different kind of art than US right???) but then pull a total 180 and pretend like they were in my corner the whole time when they find out it was ONE OF THEIR OWN who scraped that shit together. act tough, act hardcore, because noooooobody is as cool as me, the alcoholic-at-21 art student who acts like a high school bully. "lets gather some language for this piece of work; entitled, toxic, sheltered, mean-spirited, pretentious, narcissistic, self-unaware, ASSHOLE." THERE IS LIFE BEYOND THE WALLS OF ART SCHOOL. THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE AND I FEAR YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE IN IT. learn to be kind. treat others with the same respect you seem to think you deserve, shed that insecure skin and allow yourself to be cringe, to laugh at something other than somebody elses expense, to care about something other than what you're bringing to class next week. or drink your shit wine and spend another sad, sleepless night in the studio. just leave me the fuck out of it. also, dont make tone-deaf art about SH if you've never experienced it, or i will personally piss in the wine at your gallery opening. FUCK I HATE ART SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

[taexual]

HOLIC - 48 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst

words: 3.4k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

           prev / next

The next few days passed by surprisingly quickly. You’ve set your mind on a fair number of things and finally relieved yourself of some of the exhausting doubts that have clouded your mind for as long as you could remember. Most importantly, you’d decided to quit your job at the gallery – and, thus, began your last week of work before you moved on, diving head-first into the dark unknown.

Knowing that you wouldn’t have to work there anymore and no longer having to stress out about your potential exhibition made every morning much easier as you no longer had to spend the first fifteen minutes after waking up cursing at every inanimate object in your way. On top of that, although plunging yourself into the abyss of uncertainty was relatively scary, you still felt alive with excitement. Not to mention, now you had much more time to find a new job, all while rehearsing the words you were going to say to Jaebum once Jackson finally called you with a way for you two to meet.

You had decided to start to work on a new version of yourself but, first, you needed to fix your relationship with Jaebum. That was the only broken thing from your past that you wanted to take into the future with you. No, “wanted” didn’t quite describe it – needed, perhaps. You needed this relationship to continue because you were afraid of your life without it. You were waiting for Jaebum to make the choice of where to go from here but, even though the reins were in his hands, you weren’t going to stop fighting for the one solid thing on an otherwise rocky foundation of your life.

This determination was a relatively new feeling for you but it was the only feeling that you were certain about. If, like Jaebum, you had to pick the most prominent emotion that you were feeling and put it into your art, you’d have picked the overflowing love and inserted it into all things around you until your surroundings were screaming as loud as your heart was.

Thinking of Jaebum was what made the wait for Jackon’s call so difficult. You went on with your life – or, tried to – choosing to busy yourself with work instead of sulking, but you couldn’t help but feel your mind wander back to him again. It was like the aforementioned love always pulled your thoughts towards him, never letting your mind stray from him for too long.

And that was how, after convincing Eva that you weren’t going to change your mind about quitting, you finished your day at work, and found yourself looking at the pictures of Jaebum you’ve taken on the day he brought you to Jackson’s studio for the first time. Looking at them brought back all the memories, especially accentuating the fight you and him had had before he gave in and finally played “Don’t Touch Me” to you.

You’d both done and said some awful things to each other that night and you could still recall how much Jaebum’s doubts about you made your chest sting. What made it hurt even more, however – actually, so much more, that for one passing moment, you thought you were having a real heart attack – was Jaebum’s confession that he was terrified of himself around you because he wasn’t thinking. Because he forgave and forgot, and kept giving you second chances every time you did something that raised red flags in his overly-alert mind.

The memory made it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

You’d been so angry and so upset with him for saying those things – for even thinking that you’d ever treat him in any way that he didn’t deserve – and then you made his fears come true by omitting the truth. By selecting which parts of your life you wanted him in. By lying, just like he was afraid you would.

Closing your laptop shut, you got up from the bed and left your room as you tried to breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. It was a pathetic attempt to calm down, really, because it seemed as though your heart was now a whole separate being that was powered by your anxiety and had promptly gone into overdrive.

Breathing exercises didn’t help. Drinking water didn’t help. Lying down made it even worse.

It was the sort of wave of suffering and self-hate that you could have only been saved from if someone told you that everything was going to be okay. No, not someone—him. But he wasn’t here and it didn’t seem like it was going to be okay – hence why you were nearly shedding your skin as you tried to find a way to break out of the paralyzing chains of pain.

You’ve lived through the past few days worried and anxious but still in control. You’ve lived hoping and anticipating your conversation with Jaebum. You’ve considered what you were going to say. You’ve even rehearsed it all. But the consequences of your words is what pained you now.

You haven’t given Jaebum’s response any thought. You had set your mind on explaining yourself to him and giving him enough time and space to decide what he wanted to do but now the raw grips of panic were tearing you into pieces just at the thought of Jaebum choosing not to do this anymore. And the worst part was, you didn’t think it was fair for you to keep on fighting if he gave this up. He was just as mature as you were and he had certainly thought about this as much as you have – what would you even say if he told you to leave?

He had every right to let your relationship go because he deserved one where he would never be put in a situation like this. You didn’t think you had a right to search for ways to make him stay with you if your behavior proved to make him suffer. If you turned out to be as toxic for him as the girl you’d tried so desperately to save him from.

Suddenly, it felt like this was the last time you were standing in your kitchen. And, in a way, you were glad. You felt trapped here, in this room. You felt just as trapped in your own body – but the helpless feeling was slowly fading. Searching for an empty glass inside one of the kitchen counters calmed your heartrate down, replacing the desperate wave of fear you’d felt with a silent numbess.

It was as if a sixth sense had opened something up inside of your heart – subconsciously, you knew what was going to happen the next second, so your mind and body had to prepare in advance: you couldn’t possibly start to hyperventilate when Jackson finally called. And, as soon as you grasped the glass of water in your shaky hands, trying to keep yourself hydrated despite the pointlessness of the task, your phone finally rang.

You lunged for it, drops of water spilling on the kitchen island – empty now that Jaebum wasn’t here to eat meals with you – and nearly landing on your phone, too. You could barely keep yourself together when you saw Jackson’s name on the screen.

“Yes?” you picked up, the one word coming from the back of your throat and thus making you sound like you just woke up even though it was way past into the afternoon now.

“Hey. Sorry it took me so long to call you back,” Jackson started and you couldn’t help but notice the voices in the back of his call. You wondered if Jaebum was there with him. “I—I’ve found a way for you to talk to him.”

Your entire chest seemed to expand to provide more space for your wild heart as it continuously banged against every single rib in your ribcage.

“You did?” you asked, the words coming out in a huff.

“Yeah. There’s, uh, this party his label is hosting this Friday,” Jackson said, quieter now as if he was trusting you with a big secret. “We’ve both been invited and, even though he said he’s not going, I’ll drag him there myself. One of the producers owns this club downtown, so we’re getting a private lounge, and, you know, it seems like a good spot as any for a serious conversation. Away from the maddening crowd, so to speak.”

“Yes, yes, that sounds perfect,” you were nodding frantically. “Are you sure you can get him to come, though? Jaebum isn’t really someone that gives in to persuasion easily.”

“That’s true but alcohol makes this much easier for me,” Jackson replied. “He won’t miss a chance to get drunk. Especially amidst all that’s happening, you know?”

“Yeah. Right.”

“So, anyway,” he added quickly after catching the discouraged tone in your voice. “I’ll send you the address and let the security know you’re my plus-one.”

“Okay,” you inhaled deeply, “thank you so much. I-I—you have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

Shuffling was heard on the other end – from the sound of it, you assumed Jackson was avoiding a group of people that just walked past him – before he replied, “it’s alright. You can pay me back by getting back together. There might be a million-dollar song on the line here, yeah? He can’t write it if he’s not with you.”

“I—”

“I’ll see you Friday,” Jackson said. He must have known you could never find what to say whenever the topic of Jaebum writing a song about you was brought up. “Don’t overthink this, okay? Jaebum might not show it, but I have no doubt that he’s dying to talk to you, too.”

Friday turned out to be an eventful day. For one, it was your official last day at the gallery – handing in the employee badge that you’ve worn around your neck for the past few years was rather bittersweet: relieving, on the one hand, but also rather glum – but it was also the night of Jaebum’s party. It truly felt like today was going to be the last day of your old life – one last hoorah before you started a new era – and you even debated getting a haircut, to really imprint the change that was coming.

As it turned out, you didn’t have any time for a haircut. You barely had enough time to decide on an outfit before, packing up your phone, wallet, keys, panic, and anxiety, you walked out of the door of your empty apartment and headed downstairs to catch a cab.

The ride to the club wasn’t very long, so you didn’t have enough time to rehearse the words you planned to tell Jaebum one more time, but that didn’t really worry you much. You had a feeling your entire thought process was going to end up in shambles as soon as you saw him, anyway.

Once the cab stopped and you stepped into a busy street, it took you a good minute to find Jackson – if he wasn’t waving his hand like a madman, you’d have probably missed him – and then another minute to actually reach him as the people, crowding outside of the club, were very intent on pulling you to the back of the line.

“Hi, sorry there’s such a commotion here,” Jackson said once you finally made it to the door. “I’ve told them it wouldn’t be smart to throw a private party at a club that already goes over capacity every Friday night as it is but no one ever listens to me. Should we go in?”

You nodded, too out of breath to actually respond, and followed him inside. The security guard merely glanced at you before nodding and allowing you two to enter – Jackson, clearly, was a familiar face – and, before you could even prepare yourself properly, you were suddenly listening to the same loud, organ-clenching EDM song that Jaebum was probably listening to.

“Alright,” Jackson stated—and then repeated himself louder when you squinted your eyes as if that could help you hear him better. “Jaebum is upstairs. He got here first and I told him to wait for me in the lounge.”

“Okay—”

You had already turned towards the staircase at the back of the club but Jackson grabbed your hand. “Ah, hold on—you need a drink before you go see him. Let’s take a quick detour to the bar, yeah?”

You had to admit, that wasn’t such a bad idea, so you allowed him to pull you towards the bar where a few girls were already dancing on the bartop lit up by dozens of neon-LED lights. The atmosphere in the club was buzzing with life and it was so electrifying, you were surprised to find yourself loosening up even before you had your first drink.

Jackson took the liberty of ordering while you were too busy watching the captivating dance moves of one of the bartop girls – for someone who seemed as drunk as she was, her movements were surprisingly smooth and, honestly, rather captivating.

“I’m sorry if that’s out of line for me to say,” Jackson spoke, distracting your attention, “but you look different. How have you been doing?”

“Oh. I’m—well, I’ve been trying to move on from the things that made my life miserable,” you said but weren’t sure how much he heard because, just as you started to speak, the DJ changed the song, and the gaggle of young-adults next to you proceeded to screech at the top of their lungs. “Uh, unfortunately, I can’t move on from my own self, so I’ve been trying to make a change in my life instead. I-I guess that might be why I look different.”

“That’s good!” Jackson nodded enthusiastically, not hearing all that you’ve said but definitely catching the most important parts. “I didn’t say it was a bad different. What have you changed so far?”

“I’ve, uh—” once again, you got interrupted by the bartender bringing you and Jackson the drinks he’d ordered, “I’ve quit my job.”

Jackson’s enthusiastic smile suddenly faltered, “oh, shit. You did? What are you doing now?”

“Nothing, really. Searching for a new one,” you replied with a small shrug. “Something behind the stage, preferably. I’ve had enough customer service experience to last me a lifetime.”

He chuckled at this, picking up his drink and encouraging you to do the same. Somehow, you’ve never tried rum before but, after just a sip of the Cuba Libre in your hand, you couldn’t really tell why. It tasted far more like coke than rum and yet you could still feel the buzzing effects of the alcohol as it entered your bloodstream.

“Yeah, I suppose galleries don’t get the best specimen when it comes to clients,” Jackson said once he emptied his glass. “What about your exhibition?”

“Oh,” you took a final sip and put the empty glass down – carefully, so the girl dancing on the bartop nearby wouldn’t accidentally kick it over, “that’s not happening. I’ve said some pretty fancy words to Jiho the last time I saw him, so it’s over. I’m not really hosting one anymore.”

Jackson noted that you didn’t look overly upset about that – in fact, he was sure he saw you smile when you mentioned the last conversation with Jiho you’ve had – but he’s been around enough artists to know how deep the wounds inflicted by a crushed dream could be.

“Well, why don’t you come to me?” he offered.

You frowned, unsure what he meant. “What?”

“To work, I mean,” he explained. “You already know how big my family is on art. We’ve been investing in artists that aren’t just musicians. Actually, my very first job was modeling, did I ever tell you that? My parents hosted this whole photoshoot for me when I was, probably, two months old? The photographer said I was a star.”

You laughed. “Oh, wow, over twenty years in the modeling industry and you’re not even thirty. That’s impressive.”

“I know, right?” he played along, smirking. “But, anyway—why don’t you think about it? Not modeling, I mean. Photography. My family—they’re nice people. We look out for each other and it’s always art that comes first for us.”

It felt like a rather witty—and subtle, no doubt—way to chastise you for choosing to work with someone who thought of publicity before thinking of the art, and you felt your face heat up as you looked away from him.

“T-that’s good,” you commented awkwardly, not having expected to get scolded—yet again—on your decisions by someone who wasn’t Jaebum. You’d prepared yourself for his opinion only. “That’s a great attitude.”

“It is. I think so, too,” Jackson said, not noticing—or, choosing not to notice—your embarrassed state. “And you’re a talented artist. I understand that your mind is probably elsewhere right now—”

“Yeah,” you stretched nervously, “sort of.”

“—but do know that your dream isn’t entirely hopeless, okay?” he finished. “If you want something enough, there will always be a way to make it happen. I’m here for you.”

You’ve heard these words before but they seemed to have a different meaning tonight. Perhaps because you finally realized what the thing you wanted more than anything was.

“Thank you, Jackson,” you said, the thoughts of Jaebum being nearby doing the work that the rum and coke didn’t. You felt positively intoxicated already. “Seriously, I—I can’t thank you enough.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jackson waved his hand and then helped you stand from the bar stool as soon as he realized your mind could only be distracted from Jaebum for so long. “Now go. Talk to him.”

You exhaled shakily, closing your eyes for a few moments to mentally prepare yourself. “Right. I’m going.”

“Everything will be okay,” Jackson reminded you, “as long as you focus on what’s really important.”

You nodded one last time and then allowed his warm smile to push you towards the stairs, leading up to the VIP lounge where Jaebum thought he was waiting for Jackson.

With each step that you took, coming closer and closer to seeing him, you kept thinking about what so many people have said to you the past few weeks – if you wanted something enough, you could find a way to make it happen. They’ve all been talking about your ambitions in life – the exhibitions and the career as a photographer – but, the truth was, those were the things you’d have liked to have but they weren’t exactly the things that you wanted.

What you wanted the most in life – with ten more steps separating you from Jaebum – was to have a purpose. To have it and not to lose it. And you knew what the purpose of life was because you had it found it way before you met Jiho or even started to think about hosting any exhibitions.

Love.

As corny and cliché as it was, that was it. Everyone knew it but they liked to pretend that they didn’t. They searched for something else – money, work, children – but, at the end of the day, it always came down to love. The strongest emotion a living creature was able to feel, so much stronger and all-consuming than any shape or form of anger or hatred.

Knocking on the door and waiting, you were able to understand that love might have started wars but love ended them, too. Love was the beginning and love was the end. And – as you watched Jaebum’s red eyes appear behind the black door of the private lounge room – you knew you didn’t want your love to end. You knew you couldn’t lose your purpose in life.

“Jaebum,” you exhaled, the loud music from the club downstairs almost drowning out your voice. He stopped short at the sight of you. You couldn’t see it but, inside of his chest, a heart that seemed to freeze when he left your shared apartment, was slowly beginning to beat again. “Can we talk?”

     chapter directory

[polar-stars]

A list of SNS content creators? Hell yeah, and hell, to mourn the lose of the anime im thinking of becoming one too

ooooooOOOOOOOOOO

Anon! Go wild! Share your ideas with us then :DDD This fandom is always in need for some good content !

But well, to name the people who are already working hard in blessing me and everyone else:

- @yourmoontothenightsky or better @soaringlanddormitory for Shokugeki-content, has a galore of fun Shokugeki OCs from plain OC to Next Gen ones. Additionally to that, she’s insanely imaginative when it comes to AU and has a huge list of wonderful and well-thought out ones. She’s a multi shipper and has created a lot of content for multiple ships already. She’s generally a wonderful person and an angel walking earth who is insanely nice and will most defiantly enthusiastically welcome to you to this fandom as I know her ovo !

- @polar-star-dorks Nice, friendly and mature but with a mix of quite dark humor that you just gotta love. A fellow Polar Star Dormitory Stan like I am (as you can probably tell by the URL) and also? A SouMegu fan who blesses us with good content that this ship needs more of. She’s another multi shipper though and if SouMegu is not your cup of tea, that’s cool with her as long as you respect her ovo ! She has a very unique art style that I celebrate + a lovely Next Gen. 

- @isshinene​ Listen anon, if you’re into IsshiNene, yeet off there instantly. Asuka is the greatest blessing for the IsshiNene community, you can’t convince me otherwise. She diligently collects all content there is for her ship and also creates herself. She has fantastic writing skills and some wonderful stories to show. Next to that, she recently took on editing and ??? She’s???? Talented as hell at it??? I am in awe and floored?? Also, an adorable IsshiNene daughter you can find there. She’s very respecting towards other ships and my fellow Nene-Stan. Also she gives the 91st Gen the appreciation they so rightfully deserve.

- @mpkp76 has a beautiful gallery with gorgeous pieces of art. She draw mainly TakuMegu and ahhhh, just bless how she does it. Every piece she uploads just makes me go “woah” and makes me soft. She loves her ship but is also friendly and respecting towards people with other shipping choices. + Two adorable TakuMegu fan children and one RyoAli fanchild. She’s just very talented and very nice, I stan her !

- @muggleinvidbuay another TakuMegu-Fan with an absolutely adorable art style. Her art looks so squishy and soft and ahhhh just so cute. Currently at creating an AU and the art for it looks amazing and just ahh, so colorful and cute! I love it! Has a Next Gen as well with a bunch of great characters in it! alSO HAVE YOU SEEN HER USAGE OF WATERCOLORS I AM LOOSING MY MIND EVERYTIME!

- @shokugekinospice is a new imagine blog made by a very fun and very open person, who will never fail to entertain you believe me. His main blog @nightcrownsking also has some good Shokugeki content. He’s an insanely talented writer who just writes….so poetically and beautiful that it pulls on your heartstrings. Adding to that? Some good NSFW content if you’re into that, something not often discussed within the Shokugeki Fandom :0 ! Also another multishipper!

@that-girl-at-the-corner has great talents for aesthetics and edits. Also another greatly talented writer, who graced the fandom with some damn good pieces of writing for Sorina. Every time she updates any of them I am just “!!!!!” My favorite is “The Royal Engagement” because ahh, I am just a sucker for Royalty AUs haha, but also the “Your Name” one is so !!! promising !!!!!!

@taku-megu one of the most talented editors I ever met. In this fandom for so long and cherishing TakuMegu. Just…a galore of insanely stunning edits and just? It’s a lot of fun scrolling on the blog and taking it all in. Always participates in any kind off week hosted in this fandom and just making it a lot more brighter and greater. ITS SUPER-GOOD CONTENT AND I ALWAYS GO “!!!!” WHENEVER SOMETHING NEW GETS POSTED !

@hanzome-hasashi The author of my favorite Sorina Fanfiction of all time also known as “Akai Ito” and my second-favorite Sorina Fanfiction also knowns as “Late Night Lullabies”. Can you tell, she’s great at writing Sorina? And great at writing in general? Plus a good editor! I especially love the flower-ones. A good sense of aesthetics! Just greatly imaginative and also funny! Most recently she also presented a promising Next Gen, that is worth a check out :DDD

@wishingforatypewriter A great writer! A GREAT WRITER! In my opinion probably the greatest blessing to the AkiSako fans, because they write them so excellently. Has written a few pieces of MarYu fanfic for me, which I still sob over to this day because it’s just so perfect. Has a Next Gen and quite some stories about it! It’s a really interesting take on Next Gen with some great characters and worth a check-out ! 

@otakinu beAUTIFUL ARTWORK HOL Y I AM LOOSING MY MIND EVERYTIME. The most softest and beautiful content for EiRin but also other ships you can find, it’s just so goOD!!! 

@justaramblingromantic another great writer! Who writes EiRin just so….perfectly! Also wrote a few pieces for Kuga/Nene which were just awesome and amazing! 

@harumaki03 writes mainly in Spanish, so I couldn’t read a lot since I don’t understand that ; 7 ; But there is a chance that you might understand Spanish, anon so I give a shoutout regardless. Also, a few stories have been translated to English and they were good as well ! 

-

I was unsure, but I will also add @madokasoratsugu (or @aoikasaa for art blog) while she left the Shokugeki fandom she was in it once and there’s still some damn good content to find. I just love her art style so much and she was generally a huge blessing in the fandom to me back when she was in it ! Plus, a great writer as well! But her stuff is still amazing regardless and maybe she also creates for something currently you’re into as well anon. 

Also @mayuuunaise blesses my IsaMegu heart a lot with her fanfiction “A man for flowers” . Also just a greatly talented artist + writer worth a check out ;w; ! Even if she also doesn’t majorly creates for Shokugeki I think. 

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[ardentmuse]

ooo your blog is so cute!! i couldn't help myself but ask for a marvel ship! i'm 5'8 with long blonde hair and green eyes 🤓 i'm a very talkative and loud person, i love to laugh and smile and lipsync to various songs. im also a frequent visitor of art galleries ✨

Hi darling! I adore your blog SO MUCH, especially right now all the Hogwarts Mystery writings, so this is such an honor to be able to write this for you. I hope you enjoy. :)

Lover: Steve Rogers

Best Friend: Pepper Potts

Place of Origin: Earth, London, UK

Occupation: Event Planner for Stark Industries

Partner / Team Affiliation: Avengers

Powers / Abilities: None, just a good human

Equipment: Binders and files and all the organization

Hobby: Exploring cultural centers around the world

Being hired by Stark Industries was a big leap in your career. Stark was known for hosting some of the world’s best parties, raising money for a multitude of charities via banquets and galas that included some of the biggest donors and press the world had to offer. As an event planner for non-profits, you were an expert in these sort of things, but Stark Industries was going to put your skills to the test. You couldn’t be more excited to do this work without limits.

Your first event, a party for investors to celebrate the launch of a new line of drones, went off without a hitch. You had spent a great deal of time coordinating with Pepper and through the work developed a strong and lasting friendship. Over the next few years, you grew close to both Pepper and Tony. Occasionally, after a particularly stressful period, you and Pepper would vacation together to a new city exploring museums and eating great food, leaving things solely in Tony’s hands for a week or so. Life was nearly perfect.

Things got much more complicated with the forming of the Avengers. Your role, as a result of Tony’s trust in you, took on a new form: PR for the heroes. You began planning press conferences and media appearances for the group. And that was how you met Steve.

It was at your first major event now working for the Avengers You had planned a large banquet to celebrate the success of their first mission and to properly introduce the group to the press. It didn’t hurt that it was great PR for Stark Industries too, especially given that several board members were sceptical about the company’s financial investment. And Steve arrive, shy but dapper, in a proper tux and with a dazzling smile that took your breath away. But honestly, the thing that won you over was how genuine he was when he thanked you for your hard work and kissed your hand, a true gentleman through and through.

That night, he watched you as you walked the party. He saw as you lightly placed your hand on the shoulders of various investors, gently inverting yourself into conversations. At your smile and kind words, the board members lit up. You had built a good report, were captivating and talkative and engaging. Light and energy followed you wherever you moved. He couldn’t help but think that Peggy would have liked you, too, one badass woman supporting another.

His feet moved of his own accord. He approached you where you sat, taking a break from your hosting to eat some food. He asked you to dance, a blush on his cheeks. You had to say yes. After two songs in the ballroom, laughing and talking over the music, he escorted you outside onto the balcony, the music only a soft melody through the doors. You continued to dance, though now much more intimately. He found himself feeling things he hadn’t felt in years: a genuine curiosity and chemistry that pulled him to you. And as you learned more about his loyal, honest, kind spirit, you found yourself feeling the same. Just as he was about to ask if he could kiss you, Pepper interrupted, asking for your assistance with setting up for the speech Tony was about to give. But she didn’t miss the sparks between the two of you or the shy smile that played on Steve’s lips as you walked away.

For the next few weeks, every time you had dinner with Pepper and Tony, Steve just so happened to be there as well. Every girls night in with your best friend just so happened to be interrupted by Tony with Steve in tow, asking what you were watching and if they could join. One night, as you said goodbye to all three people as they left your apartment, Steve lingered. He thank you for always being such a good host and before you could even process what was happening, he kissed you. He pulled away just as you were beginning to lean in and left quickly, leaving you stunned. It took a few days for Steve to talk to you again, finally asking you out, just the two of you. And from then on out, the kisses were not so rushed and the affection not so hidden. One date was all it took for you two to be together for good.

Steve loved exploring with you. You taught him what you knew about art and culture and got him out of his comfort zone. He was your rock and steady support system, providing a safe haven when things grew too stressful or overwhelming. And honestly, Pepper was only a little jealous when Steve proposed before Tony did. Steve loved more than anything coming home to you, to a bright smile and a good laugh, something normal and real and beyond anything else, beautiful.

[connorrenwick]

Design Milk Travels to… Zürich, Switzerland

Coming back down from the bucolic, “the hills are alive” splendor of my adventures in the Swiss Alps, expectations were tempered arriving in northern Switzerland’s most famous lakeside city. How would any urban experience match the alpine dreams of crystal clear glacial lakes and (literally) breathtaking altitude I had just woken up from? But Zürich has a way of steadily imparting its appeal, especially in summer, when the entire populace seems to glow with the conscious confidence they’re living their best life. Soon enough, the city famous for its extravagant and upscale shopping, medieval architecture, renowned chocolatiers, and glorious waterfront lifestyle will have you imagining what it might be like making a home in one of the world’s most liveable cities.

WHERE TO STAY

The lobby of the Hotel Helveti \\\. Photo: Hotel Helvetia

The Hotel Helvetia is our favorite type of place to stay at: casual and unfussy, yet appointed with enough details to make your time there feel like the exception, rather than the rule in life. The heart of the city is only a short walk from the hotel’s doors, with both the Museum Haus Konstruktiv and Old Botanical Garden just across the bridge, making it an easy jumping off point for days while acquainted with Zurich.

Photo: Hotel Helvetia

The hotel’s main rooms were designed by local interior designers Atelier Zurich, with the contemporary pastel painted interiors a collaborative effort between Leopold Weinberg and architect Nele Dechmann.

The Scandinavian vernacular makes the absence of things feel like an addition in service of comfort. \\\ Photo: Hotel Helvetia

Each of the rooms riff playfully off the hotel’s historic Art Nouveau facade, with 35 rooms and two luxury business apartments on the attic floor to choose from (ask for a room overlooking the nearby River Sihl if you like to people watch). The interior decor at first may seem just north of spartan, but you’ll then notice they furnished your room with a handcrafted Hästens Luxuria mattress.

Photo: Hotel Helvetia

Photo: Hotel Helvetia

The Atlantis by Giardino is situated a little further from the beaten path, and for that reason we wholeheartedly recommend this mountainside hotel adjacent to the Zurich’s Uetliberg for anyone who likes to return from days spent in the city to accommodations of luxe civility.

Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

That’s not to say the hotel is sleepy; with a history tied to the likes of guests like Grace Jones, Freddie Mercury, and Frank Zappa, you know this post-war modernist hotel operates within the realm where partying and privacy both hold court.

Downstairs the 2 Michelin stars awarded Ecco Zürich makes the promise of a memorable meal a surefire bet. \\\ Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

Photo: Atlantis by Giardino

The 92 rooms and suites of the Atlantis by Giardino do a convincing job of keeping guests willingly within their rooms. Decorated with an eye for the timeless by London-based hospitality design firm Gallery HBA, appointments include plush sofas custom-made by Molteni, with some rooms offering balcony views of the mountains in the distance, others of the cityscape just below. Comfort here is always appointed on the right side of class.

Design collective Monoplan is credited for updating the 1960s Hotel Atlantis architecture originally designed by architects Hans and Annemarie Hubacher and Peter Issler.

Notable mentions: Engimatt Hotel \\\ EMA House \\\ Hotel Zuri

WHERE TO SHOP

Zurich is a pleasantly walkable city, dotted with numerous opportunities for shopping along the famous luxury lane of Bahnhofstrasse and medieval Altstadt (Old Town). Perhaps indicative of the infamous high cost of living here, even the most touristy of spots are mostly free of cheap tchotchkes sellers.

Exploring the numerous narrow pedestrian cobblestone alleyways and stairs offers incentive to ditch the map and get yourself lost (the city center is easy to navigate thanks to the water and other architectural landmarks always offering a hint which way you should be going), and you’ll find yourself enjoying unplanned detours here and there for just a peek around the corner. One of our favorite shops in Zurich is also perhaps the smallest: Afrod’or, a sliver of a store dedicated to African designs.

Photo: Gregory Han

The Museum of Zurich University of the Arts was high on our list of design destinations in the city. With four collections representing Design, Graphics, Decorative Arts, and Poster composed of over 500,000 objects, it’s a designer’s paradise. Unfortunately, traveling for work rather than leisure meant our schedule dictated only the briefest of drop-in at the end of the day. Fortunately the museum’s gift shop was still open on our last evening, and any disappointment was washed away by the gift shop’s inspiring display of books and posters for sale.

Photo: Gregory Han

The Museum of Zurich University of the Arts \\\ Photo: Gregory Han

It’s nearly impossible to miss the towering container shop dedicated to all things Frietag – the perpetually popular purveyor of functional bags and accessories fashioned out of used truck tarps. Located in Zurich’s Industriequartier, you can see the assemblage of recycled shipping containers from a mile away. We recommend the flagship shop as a late afternoon destination; ascend up the tower of shipping containers and then come back down for a hearty communal meal with hundreds of locals in the adjoining outdoor dining garden.

Photo: Gregory Han

Photo: Frietag

Located in the heart of Zurich’s old town, at the Spiegelgasse near Neumarkt, LIMITED STOCK dedicates its selection to small batch, artisan crafted products with an emphasis placed upon functionality – everyday objects that aren’t merely coveted, but beloved because you’ll use them.

Photo: Limited Stock

Photo: Limited Stock

If your interests steer toward architecture, swing inside Hochparterre – Books on Architecture to check out both local and global publications and books dedicated to the field of architecture (just remember to consider the weight of any books you might purchase.)

Photo: Hochparterre

Photo: Fabrikat

Notable mentions: Fabrikat \\\ Soeder \\\ Viu Eyewear \\\ Im Viadukt

WHERE TO VISIT

During summer the inviting waters of Lake Zurich attract legions of locals to the waterfront where the handsome population bathe in both elements of water and light. As a tourist, it’s a great opportunity to promenade with a scoop of ice cream in hand, or drop into a lakeshore eatery for a bratwurst and beer before making way to several nearby sites.

We were taken aback by the retro-futuristic architecture near the shoreline of Lake Zurich. Locals explained it was merely a “medical office”. \\\ Photo: Gregory Han

With its colorful angularity parked upon a lawn of green, the Pavillon Le Corbusier gives all appearances of an enormous modernist dollhouse, and half the fun is journeying upward by the building’s center staircase and outdoor ramp. The final building designed by Le Corbusier, the exhibition pavilion was designed entirely according to the Modulor system, an anthropometric scale of proportions devised by Le Corbusier based on the human body and the golden ratio. The rooftop deck is an especially comfortable vantage point to take in many of the structural and site specific details of the pavilion, a shaded architectural oasis.

Tourists converge at the Pavillon Le Corbusier in waves during the middle of the day, so get here early or late in the day to enjoy the exhibitions and tour the building without the crowds. \\\ Photo: Gregory Han

The most memorable trips are painted by reminiscence of places and faces met unexpectedly. And so it was during a walk into the adjoining suburban neighborhood across the waters of Lake Zurich when we spotted a flora-lined path leading upward into the Botanical Garden of the University of Zurich, the home to 7,000 different plant species and a trio of dome-shaped greenhouses hosting the ecosystems of tropical mountain forests, tropical lowland rainforest, and tropical drylands within.

A trio of greenhouses at the Botanical Garden of the University of Zurich \\\ Photo: Gregory Han

Photo: Swiss National Museum

Notable mentions: Museum für Gestaltung \\\ Swiss National Museum \\\ Maschinenfabrik Oerlikon (MFO Park)\\\ Enea Tree Museum

FINAL THOUGHTS

Photo: Gregory Han

Zürich has a reputation as an expensive cosmopolitan destination, but it’s also dotted with a multitude of affordable museums, parks, and other public spaces interconnected by walkways, buses, and trains. Life here seems to unfold as fast or as slow as you want, with the city’s historic landscape living harmoniously with its contemporary attractions. It is expensive here, but the price of admission to a life less ordinary – even if for just a few days – seems reasonable once there.

If you’re fortunate enough to be making your way to Zürich soon, note the second annual Design Biennale Zurich opens this week. This year’s biennale focuses on the theme play, with the entirety of Switzerland represented as a design playground, with design projects and installations representing various disciplines, including: algorithmic music, analog scientific models, digital craftsmanship, intelligent textiles, interactive everyday products, collaborative design, material experiments, urban utopias, and virtual reality.

If you’ve traveled to Zürich, Switzerland and have any additional favorite spots or recommendations for first time visitors, let us know below so we can share (and also check it out ourselves the next time we’re there).

via http://design-milk.com/

from WordPress https://connorrenwickblog.wordpress.com/2019/08/28/design-milk-travels-to-zurich-switzerland/

[mandismag]

Hometown/ Current town: Sottochiesa, Taleggio Valley, Northern Italy and Los Angeles, CA.

Ilaria Mazzoleni is an architect, biomimicist, and the founder of IM Studio Milano/ Los Angeles. She lives and works between Italy and California. Her conceptual work in the fields of sustainable architecture and biomimicry has been published internationally. Her research focus is biomimicry, where innovation in architecture and design is inspired by the processes and functions of nature. Collaborating with biologists and other scientists from top research institutions, her projects explore the connections between biotic and abiotic elements within eco-systems in order to develop sustainable urban planning strategies and address solutions to global climate change. The conceptual implications arising from biomimetics and design have led to a body of work that investigates innovative material processes, forms, geometries and structural patterns. Her book, Architecture Follows Nature – Biomimetic Principles for Innovative Design, was published by CRC Press. 

Projects: The Nature, Art & Habitat residency (NAHR) is an eco-laboratory in Italy. Started in 2015, it’s still a young program. It’s a multi-disciplinary, collaborative project, with many people working together and sharing resources. It’s open to any professional or student in training who is interested in studying nature and their work’s relationship with nature.

This June we are hosting a workshop, “Rock and Stone,” which is open to fellows and to people who want to join for a week: http://cargocollective.com/nahr/NAHWorkshop. The workshop will enable people to tap into local knowledge and speak with geologists about the region of the Alps. We will discuss contemporary and traditional architecture, and will visit a quarry. There will be a Q&A session about the landscape and natural resources, and we will discuss design. We will be working on projects with people who work with stone.

This July we are hosting a multi-disciplinary family camp for children and their parents focusing on movement in nature: (http://cargocollective.com/nahr/NAHFamily). We will be taking short exploratory walks, and using our bodies, not just our minds. We will also be cooking with insects.

Select links:

www.imstudio.us

www.nahr.it

What are you currently working on? I’m working on a project developed for a competition focusing on architecture, environmental design, biomimicry and research. I regularly participate in competitions and give lectures on these topics. I have been asked to work on a 2nd edition of our book published in 2013 by CRC, “Architecture Follows Nature – Biomimetic Principles for Innovative Design.” For the book I am collaborating with geneticist and evolutionary biologist Shauna Price.

Recently I started working on two projects with Lola Dompé, a microbiologist. One focuses on bio-materials; we are experimenting with growing materials, such as mycelium of fungi. We made spectacles to wear from the material. We feel different when wearing bio-materials, which sends a message regarding materiality. We have worked with other bio-composites in the lab as well. Some vary based on whether they are dry or wet. We are experimenting, reading and studying materiality, life cycle, where materials come from, where they go, and their environmental impact.

I am collaborating with Lola Dompé and Richard Molina on the Microbi(h)ome project. The Microbi(h)ome hosts a model family over the course of a 24 hour living cycle. Each hour/ moment highlights an everyday routine involving an aspect of the home with the addition of a microbial component. The project emphasizes helpful characteristics of the microorganisms observed, including abilities to harness energy and process waste, and how these properties contribute to an overall REACTive system. The sequence of internal spaces, connected to the outdoors is crucial in sustaining a thriving microbial community and, in turn, healthier inhabitants. The home network connects all spatial elements designed to exchange energy, water and food, resulting in a renewable system fed by humans and fueled by microbial work. With this setup the Microbi(h)ome demonstrates the positive effect that microbes have on the evolutionary success of our RESILIENT ecosystem.

We often use competitions to explore the next stage of studies, such as their work with bacteria studies, which is very exciting. Some of this work focuses on the problem of over-sterilization. In certain environments, such as hospitals, sterilization may be necessary but it’s problematic on many levels, killing positive bacteria and altering the microbiome cloud that surrounds us and makes us who we are. Lola and Richard have been working in the lab with different bacterias to facilitate the design of environments that strengthen our immune systems, and the well being of our brains.

Other projects have focused on materials that move and allow air changes; these materials would be used to manufacture improved windows. Other projects focus on fluorescents and illumination. New materials are becoming actualized in our domestic lives which can inform and enhance our lifestyles.

All of the work is interconnected; as we conduct more research, and learn more, new projects emerge. Sometimes we draw connections to previous work; it’s like a puzzle. Teamwork is very important; beyond working with other architects and designers, I also work regularly with scientists, and learn from nature.

What materials do you work with? We like to experiment with bio-materials and materials that are alive, that feed, grow, change, evolve and adapt and eventually decompose. This is why we are experimenting and hoping to be able to include these materials in the design of our next domestic space; at least some of them!

What kind of creative patterns, routines or rituals do you have? I like to think that I am free of rituals and routines, but as we all do, I have mine. I like to start working immediately when I get up, just after having had a coffee. Mornings are the most productive times. In the afternoon I have a slowing down of my creativity that picks up again in the evenings. No matter the time of the day, I like to work in a warm environment full of stimuli, which is probably why LA is the place where my creativity “expands.” This said, the long walks I take during the summers in the woods of my Valley (Taleggio) are critical to the seeding of some of the most important decisions I have been making over time. New rituals are developing as NAHR is growing and I have the opportunity to share my walks with the fellows. Talking and observing is becoming the real center of our daily NAHR routines.

What’s your art background? I studied architecture, both in Milano and in L.A. I have no training as an artist and I would hardly consider myself one. But I take any opportunity to immerse myself in an artistic environment, whether it’s a museum, an art gallery or hanging out with my friends, art curators and artists. I continuously have to learn from them all!

Are there any artists in your family? We do have one artist, Franco Normanni, in our family. And some other very creative people that might or might not call themselves artists. I met Franco only one time when he was alive; he was my father’s cousin and we all knew about him, but he was not so interested in connecting with us all. He was interested in being in his studio and working! After he died in 2007 I started working on his studio to archive his work. Through his work I learned a lot; his talent and dedication were so tangible within the spaces of his studio that I decided to work on a monograph and a show in his memory. In 2011, with the help of many people, we opened SPAZI COMPOSTI DI FRANCO NORMANNI in Bergamo.

What’s been happening in your life? Since we (Anna Santi, Alec Balasescu and I) started NAHR in 2015 many things have been happening. I have spent more time in Italy and reconnected with several old classmates and friends. NAHR is attracting people from all over the world, making my work more international, yet, because it takes place in a specific location, which is rural and quite unique, it has a transformative grounding effect upon me.

What’s next for you? Continuing with NAHR; we have 6 programs this summer. One includes a three day immersive multidisciplinary workshop looking into questions such as: Will the West eat insects? How will our landscape change? How will our dinner tables change?

Another is 00 Residency, in collaboration with CS, CSC and TTB (three non-profit associations in Bergamo). We are hosting an actor, a dancer and an actress for a week at NAHR. At the end of the week they’ll present their thoughts and work that emerged from their stay in Taleggio. My main engagement this summer will be to observe and learn from all the fellows, and what they take away from having been in our Alpine environment.

Years ago we designed a mud and bamboo house in Ghana, West Africa. Soon we will start working on phase 2 of this property. This is very exciting to me!

Describe your current state of mind. In constant search and research.

What’s inspiring you? Life, in all its forms.

Do you have any other exhibits coming up/ past exhibits you’d like to mention? A show at the Reggia di Caserta is opening. It is a collective of 20 architects showing their interpretations of the master poem of Dante Alighieri – La Divina Commedia. We have prepared one drawing, entitled Divine Bestiary and we are now very excited to see how it will sit among the many other interpretations!

Is any of your work political? Our work is not political by definition, but I feel a very important social and civic responsibility as an individual, and as a professional. Each action I take, I consider within such parameters.

What are you trying to communicate with your art? A sense of environmental engagement that is light, beautiful, propositive and forward thinking. I’m an architect; the work I’m most interested and proud of is the work that relates to the environment and that communicates best research in design, building and context. As designers of things that insert themselves into the environment, we are not conservationists, we do not preserve the state of the environment as is. I seek to create work that is not harmful to the environment. I seek to create work where there is no harsh division between the artificial and the natural.

What is one of the biggest challenges you face as an architect? The ability to explain the intention of our work in a “simple” way (simple as a positive). To show why our work matters. Though we strive to be clear in explaining our points of view, our communications can at times be obscure, (as is the case with architecture, but also with other disciplines as well). Being simple is very difficult actually. Communication can be a challenge.

How has the meaning of your work changed over time? It is enriched by new knowledge, awareness and understanding. This is due to having access to a more complex and articulated set of experiences. There is always something new, some new food for thought.

What do you dislike about your work? Having to deal with superficial people. People who “have no time” for listening, pondering, questioning and discovering. Superficiality, and the inability and/ or unwillingness to take things seriously…I don’t really like to be around that mindset…not to say everything has to be complex…but sometimes I need to be around people who are like-minded. We have the challenge of always finding new clients. There is a lot of marketing associated. This can be one of the main challenges associated with this work.

Which creative medium would you love to pursue but haven’t yet? I’d like to be able to build more prototypes. For this, one needs space and resources which are not always accessible. This is why we’ll do more in the future, or so I hope!

What is your dream project? I’d love to build our “Keep it warm” house, inspired by polar bear skin.

Are you involved with any organizations? For many years I was involved with the AIA LA Committee on the Environment. I have been quite active (a co-founder with Olivia Samad) in InHabitLA – a group of people in LA who are trying to build co-housing.

Beyond that, now NAHR is the main organization I am involved with.

Do you regularly collaborate with others? I always collaborate with biologists. For my designs, I look at nature, so I need to work with them. In particular, I work with Shauna Price and Lola Dompé and I’m working with them right now. I also regularly collaborate with Richard Molina who was a student of mine. Now he has moved on, but we still regularly collaborate. There are a number of professionals who come together when we have a project we want to share. Anna Santi and Alec Balasescu are working with me on the NAHR in Italy. The people I have mentioned, we are constantly in touch, though we live in different places, with different offices.

What are a few favorite spots in your area? I enjoy walking on the beach and around the Hollywood reservoir, going to dinner to Musso & Franks, and swimming at the West Hollywood public pool.

Who are some of your favorite artists, and people in your field whom you most admire: I admire many people, as I always admire people who are dedicated and passionate about what they do, no matter the field. I’d like to mention someone I have recently met again in LA, Don Chadwick. He is the designer of the very famous Aeron Chair – in LA. I admire him, his dedication, precision and passion for what he designs. He is inspirational.

LA is full of very talented people, and in Italy, Alessandro Mendini always has bright ideas…the weather is often grey and foggy in Milan and he really makes the atmosphere brighter and more fun. His ideas brighten up any Milanese foggy day!

Last summer I went to Christo’s latest installation in Lake Iseo. I do love that type of experiential art, something one engages and mediates with her full body.

Matthew Barney has always fascinated me. I am not sure he is definable as a favorite, yet he is one of the most provocative artists I can think of.

What are you reading? The invention of Nature – Alexander Von Humboldt’s new world by Andrea Wulf and The Divine Comedy, though not front to back….I am just in search of animals in it…

Favorite authors, fiction: Dante Alighieri (a rediscovery after school days), and Italo Calvino (a classic).

Favorite authors, nonfiction: I enjoy most books by Steven Johnson, as they nurture my curiosity about our world. Also Oliver Sacks, Fritjof Capra and Reyner Banham.

Favorite comic strips/ comic books/ graphic novels? I am fascinated by mangas! And I am looking forward to the publication of “The Dialogues – Conversations about the Nature of the Universe,” a graphic novel by my friend Doctor Clifford V. Johnson (MIT Press).

What are you listening to these days? NPR, always. And Björk, when I want to be inspired to think more freely. She is such an amazing artist; her influence to me goes far beyond her music!

What was the last show you attended? Lorenzo Jovanotti at San Siro Stadium in Milano.

What was the last exhibit you attended? In LA, I went to the 14th factory and to the Hammer (Jimmie Durham) recently. They are very different from each other, yet both were super stimulating experiences.

What was the first piece of artwork you bought? Do you buy a lot of artwork? I grew up in a house full of art. My father liked to buy it. I am managing the Franco Normanni archive. For these reasons I don’t buy more art….but things might change as I’d love to surround myself with more contemporary artists’ work.

Your websites: www.imstudio.us www.nahr.it

Featured Architect and Bio-Inspired Designer: Ilaria Mazzoleni Hometown/ Current town: Sottochiesa, Taleggio Valley, Northern Italy and Los Angeles, CA. Ilaria Mazzoleni is an architect, biomimicist, and the founder of…