#this is actually how I see her inside my head | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

its-stayville-forever · 21 hours ago

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I stared at my laptop for so long, not knowing what I wanted or needed to say. What do I say? What will I say that will do justice to this beautiful, intricate, detailed piece of art you’ve craved with your hands? Do I start with the tears? Or the smiles? Or the plethora of questions that I have for you?

(Yes. Yes I am taking this apart and reading through the lines, underneath the lines, along the lines, you name it, I’m doing it. I think you knew what you were bringing upon yourself when you started writing this lol)

-The Title.

Listen, I’ve had my fair share of duolingo lessons with French, and I know that the title translates to ‘Tear’. Not the salty droplets of water (that’s la larme, but you don’t need to know that), but the ripping into shreds. So I really, really am soooo curious as to why you chose that word for the title. Is it because both the characters have their hearts torn and shred apart or is it that you ultimately wanted to tear OUR hearts apart? Or is there a reference that just went over my head? 🤓

-The Characters.

To create characters with depth, with hurt and suffering flowing through their veins? And to make it seem so easy for their hurt to seep into you? You know you’re actually fucking insane right? You’re so crazy SAHAR. Coming back to the point ehm ☺️. To write about a character that loathes a dead body, and to write her so intricately broken from the inside, to write a character that hurts from death and loss and to put the two with each other in a GRAVEYARD!? You put a person who’s hurt because of their mother (and father but 🤷‍♀️ ), and another individual who’s hurt due to the DEATH of their mother. Similar but such different causes. I absolutely hated the mom’s character, but I LOVE the way you wrote her and kept her character as it is throughout. The loss of a daughter and the need to see her all the time in the other one, literally everything about her character made my heart throb. I don’t, GOD I really don’t know the way your brain works wonders like these. How long did you put into developing the movie?

-The Story.

This is a personal preference but I’m a SUCKER for angst (you know that), and this hit alllll the spots. I shed so many tears, so many gasps, so many emotions all together, like you always do with your works.

Anyways. The story.

You know what this reminded me of? A movie. Reading through this entire thing, i felt like i was watching a movie unfold. Although I did feel that the story was slightly rushed (just a bit, i would’ve LOVED if it was two parts or longer but i ate this up anyways), I think the way you wrote from the beginning, her wishing death, that is her name on the stone than her sisters, to hyune finally putting down the flowers on her graveyard. Red lilies symbolize death and loss (yes baby i saw you there 😞) and i am in so awe of how you took out even the minutest of details like that one. I absolutely adored the quote and its use throughout the entire story and the relationship the two had as a ballerina and a figure skater. NOW. THE SCENE WHERE SHE GOES TO WATCH HIM IN THE OLYMPICS!?!? It reminded me of all the cute scenes we witnessed at the recent Olympics and it was just so 😿 I reached my peak at the end, I burst out crying in the last few paragraphs.

You are in a graveyard once more. You watch as Hyunjin sweeps the name atop the tombstone gently. Prima ballerina assoluta, he reads, the swan of my heart. His weathered hands shake as they clutch a bouquet of fresh red lilies, and your heart still aches at the sight.

It is late at night at the graveyard, the branches are still humming to one another, like a melancholic flute. You understand now that they speak to the buried ones. “Not so long now,” they reassure, “your loved ones will follow.”

You believe them, and you will wait. For now, you’ll find solace in the red lilies sitting atop your grave.

They are now meant for you, at long last.

THISSSSSSS OH MY GODDD 😭

Thank you sahar. Thank you from the depth of my heart for putting something out that I sort of relate to when I need it the most. Just like with this and the poem you posted when you visited Monet’s birthplace, you put it out when I needed it the absolute most. I hope the love and care you put out for others is given three folds back to you. Take care and a big kiss for you, mwah.

-your biggest fan

La déchirure

You exist to mourn, to ache for what was and all that will never be. Even if happiness brushed against your fingertips, dazzling and radiant, you would not recognize its face, you would distort its features into the terrible grief you’ve always known.

pairing: figure skater!hyunjin x ballerina!reader.

genre: angst. slowwww burn. heavy and recurrent grief. healing.

warnings: mc has a bad relationship with her parents. grief is a prominent theme here so please be aware. some allusions to sex but no smut. description of injuries.

word count: 21.8k

author’s note: heyyyy…. haven’t posted anything in 3 months i feel so shy AJNSJD i say this about every fic but this fic is truly my baby it took me so long to get it done and i poured my heart into it. so please if you enjoyed reading pls pls pls let me know. it means the world and more to me. happyyy reading!!! also thanks to @hyunverse for indulging all my brainrots about this fic i LOVE YOU

Your bare soles are bleeding across the graveyard. You don’t remember when your sandals slipped away from your feet, nor when your body decided to bring you here, heels scratched from the tiny rocks littering the ground.

But the pain doesn’t register in your brain, not yet. You’re only paying attention to the last name written on the tombstone— your last name, to be exact.

Right now, more than ever, you wished your first name was engraved beside it too.

You’ve memorized this graveyard like the back of your hand, know what sound the tree branches make during spring— gently swaying, like a melancholic flute, aching because flowers refuse to bloom upon them. And during winter too— even sadder, angrier, perhaps to mimic the sound of the souls left alone in the graves to fend off the cold.

Though you’ve never approached this tombstone before. You always remained a few feet back, each time your parents brought you to your late sister’s grave— every Sunday, for the past eighteen years of your existence, without fault.

You don’t know the person they’re mourning.

You don’t know the person they wish to mold you after.

Somehow, in a sick twist of fate, the course of your existence was set in stone before you could draw your first breath into this universe.

She looks just like her sister, your mom whispered in awe, tears brimming in her waterline as she beheld you close to her bare chest.

That is what your grandmother recalls about your birth, the rejoice of you being an exact copy of your sister’s features. There was nothing in her, in everyone’s memory about you. Everything orbited around your sister, the way the planets chase after the sun. You were, after all, born to replace the void she left behind.

You sometimes wonder, is your physique the first setting stone of your pain? Had your hair been lighter, darker than hers, your lips smaller, plumper, would your parents be forced to look at you, behold you for who you are, learn to love you for who you would be?

The question first popped into your brain at age five— maybe less intricate, a feeling that pressed against your ribcage: your parents don’t love you a lot, do they? You are now eighteen, the question has yet to desert you.

You’ve always been aware of this reality— there are more pictures of your sister than of you in your house. Your parents always spoke of her, the perfect little girl, whisked away by a terrible sickness, at age seven.

And she loved ballet.

So, you had to love ballet too.

You weren’t given a choice, per se. At age four, you were thrust into a ballet class with little oblivious girls; just like you. Flushed cheeks and glossy eyes as you all tried to follow the teacher’s instruction. It wasn’t easy, it never got easier, year after year, only more challenging, only harder on your body.

Bigger bruises, sprained ankles from time to time, you’ve lost count of the injuries this art has inflicted upon your body. But thankfully, you ended up loving it too. You loved how graceful it made you feel, how the music seemed to whisk you away to an enchanting world, how the applause roared each time you came first in a competition, all eyes on you alone.

Or so you hoped, you prayed. You wished to dance better, harder until all your parents could see was you. Not the daughter that came before you.

It was hard to admit at times, certainly something you never said out loud. But surely, yes, you were jealous of your deceased sister.

How could you not be when it seemed like you were competing with a ghost, someone whose absence weighed more than your presence?

Snippets of your life flash before your eyes as you stare at her grave. Pirouette, arabesque, plié, tendu— those are words engraved within your mind, ones you breathe in more than oxygen. You hear them in the voice of your ballet instructor, Jihyo. She’s a woman in her forties, though she looks older from the harsh lines framing her face.

Her voice is high-pitched, her hair always tied back in a sleek bun you’re sure pains her brain, her words are harsh each time she corrects your posture.

And she’s the only person who believes in you.

She’s not nice, she has made you cry more times than you can count. So, you knew when she leveled her eyes to yours when you were nine, when she told you, “I see something magical in you”— that she was telling the truth.

You wanted to prove her right, because for once, someone saw something in you, not in a ghost, not in ground-up bones.

In you.

You feel an uncontained anger swell within you, waves of relentless hurt swarming you as you fall to your knees.

You worked hard. You worked so hard. Between classes and ballet practice, the days strung you by like a puppet and sometimes you didn’t have enough time to breathe.

Your entire life revolved around ballet. spin, point well, adjust your posture, you can’t stop now. Suddenly it’s two a.m. and you only get four hours of sleep before your classes begin. You didn’t have time to socialize with your peers, to have a crush on the sweet guy in your maths class, to giggle at an arcade with your friends. Soon after you were in your ballet class, even more spins, points, arabesque.

But all of your exhaustion dissipated today. All of it seemed okay, for the first time in your existence, perhaps, the breath that escaped your chest wasn’t heavy. It was light, it was airy, it was one that yearned for the next, for the days that will follow, tinted with happiness, for once.

“I got into Julliard”

That is what you told your parents an hour ago, voice brimming with uncontainable happiness, tears dripping down your eyes in an uncontrollable flow.

Your mother’s eyes became teary in an instant. You thought the past was past you now. You’ll forgive eighteen years of coming second in your mother’s heart. Surely, she will only see you now.

But then her eyes set on the portrait of your sister on the wall, her tone desolate when she whispered—“she would have loved Julliard too.”

You don’t remember what happened after that. What curse escaped your mouth from the years of barely contained bitterness, when everything lashed out like venomous poison on your parents.

You remember screaming, lots of it, something breaking too, you don’t recall if it is you who threw the vase or your father. The latter seemed more plausible— he was always bound to these sudden bouts of anger. Effects of grief, consequences of your sister’s absence. Her, yet again, poisoning your life.

You remember feeling like a stranger in your home, a nobody, someone they’d kill in an instant to bring her back.

It was no longer a feeling, though. It was a fact. Your father cemented it loud and clear for you— “I wish she never died so you would’ve never been born.”

A pin-drop silence followed. Your father was always bound to bouts of anger, you knew that. He always regretted it afterward too, just like he felt in that instant, scrambling to apologize, to cup your cheek and say he didn’t mean it.

For how long has this thought festered in his brain, taken root in his veins, and flashed before his eyes each time he looked at you?

For how long did your parents wish you were dead instead?

You don’t remember how you got to the graveyard. You don’t recall when it started pouring heavily on you. You only register the rain because the earth is wet as you clench it between your fists, as you punch the ground under which your sister is buried.

You are crying, sobbing, a hysterical mess, you don’t know what you’re yelling, who you’re calling out for, what you’re trying to achieve by punching her grave.

Unearthing her body and burying yours there instead, perhaps.

“What are you doing?” a stranger’s voice startles you, cutting through the fog in your mind like a thunderbolt.

You don’t reply, simply turning around to look at the man standing a mere inches away from you.

“Do you know her or are you just desecrating her grave?” he asks calmly, as he brings a pink umbrella over your head. You realize that you’re drenched from head to toe, your feeble pajama does nothing to fight off the cold filtering between the fabric and your skin.

You are freezing. You fear there is no place warm enough for your soul, not anymore.

“She’s my late sister,” you say, voice raw, scratched like a broken record.

“She died young,” he says, looking at the dates engraved on the tombstone.

You feel so horrible, for a millisecond.

She was only seven.

Her grave is too small compared to your body.

But the anger quickly comes back to blind you. You invite it into your heart, push away the sadness and welcome the rage instead. It is the only thing comforting you in that instant.

“Did she do something to you?” he asks, his voice contrasting nicely against the heavy shatter of rain. It reminds you of the intro of your ballet music, soothing.

“No,” you admit, a bit shamefully. But all sense of guilt dissipates at his next question— “then wouldn’t she be sad seeing you do this?”

“What about MY sadness? MY anger?” you shout, lips trembling like the branches above your head. the storm picks up with your rising voice, the rain’s pitter-patter mimics the chaos inside your brain.

He remains silent and you can barely grasp the expression on his face, concealed by the umbrella’s shadows. You imagine that this conversation must have bored him, so you turn around yet again, your heart pounding angrily against your skin.

But then, he kneels beside you, his umbrella completely discarded. You don’t dare to tilt your face towards him, so you simply stare ahead, your breath caught in your throat— what is he thinking of your most vulnerable state?

“I am rage,” he says, his voice permeating your being softly, the storm seems to calm down too to follow the ebb of his voice. “It means I am alive, or better, I am life, according to Armand, a modern art painter. You are alive today, and you get to be angry. That’s not something anyone here can enjoy,” he points out, taking a fleeting glance at the graves surrounding you.

“You get to do something with that anger. But this, this won’t cure it.”

He’s young, roughly your age it seems, but he speaks as if he beholds a wisdom beyond his years. You wonder what he went through to understand rage doesn’t fix anything. You wonder if he has ever been this angry, too.

Did he move past it? Or did he drown the anger deep within the wells of his soul so he wouldn’t confront its ugly face?

The question roams in your head as you watch him place a bouquet of red lilies atop the grave. You didn’t even notice the flowers at first, your view was too distorted by tears to grasp anything beautiful.

“You’ll catch a cold,” the guy points out, smiling at you, or at least attempting to since the grin doesn’t reach his eyes. His words come out slower, as if weighed down by a sadness only he can feel.

He is in a graveyard after all, the flowers were meant for someone else than you.

“Wait here,” he says, quickly getting up and jogging out of the graveyard.

What a silly request, you think, it’s not like you would dare move. Your feet are aching and you have nowhere else to go.

He returns a few minutes later, a hoodie in his hands that he promptly pulls over your head. The warm fabric engulfs you in a cloud of roses and musk. “I tried to warm it up with the car’s heating,” he says sheepishly, and you blink slowly at his kindness, a pink tint blooming across your cheeks.

“Thank you.”

His eyes fleet to your bare, bleeding feet, and you fidget in place, trapped by a bout of embarrassment.

“I have spare shoes in my car. Do you want me to drive you home?” His voice is gentle, as if speaking to a wounded animal, too bruised by the hands of humans. Tears spring to your eyes once more, you wish the earth could crack open and swallow you whole.

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“You won’t,” he says, and as if sensing your hesitation, he adds, “I promise. Leaving you here is what would burden me.”

You are very tired as he drives you to your place. You speak once when you ask him if he wasn’t there to visit someone, he says that it’s okay, he can come back tomorrow.

You only dare look at him at the last red light before you arrive at your address. He’s beautiful, black strands sticking to his forehead, a tiny pout pulling his rosy lips forward. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, contrasting beautifully with the mole on his cheek. Then, by his jaw. Another at the beginning of his neck. You wonder if he has a map of ebony stars trailing down his chest.

You don’t know why this stranger instills such safety in you. Why would you rather stay in his car than set foot into your house once more. You dread what will await you behind those doors, you don’t think your heart could handle another tear at its tender flesh.

You don’t think you could handle looking at your parents and only seeing strangers.

But you know this safety has something to do with the way he placed the lilies atop the grave; as if it beheld someone dear to his heart and not a stranger. How he made sure you got home safely, how he didn’t seem to care that you dirtied his front seat and the carpet below your feet.

He looks like a good person.

You wish to tell your good news to a good person.

“I got into Julliard,” you quickly let out as soon as he parks. You don’t allow yourself time to regret your confession.

A breathtaking smile overtakes his face, the thunderstorm outside pales before the sun shining in his features.

“Really?” he asks cheerfully, and you nod, a tiny smile painting across your lips. “Mm. Really.”

“That’s amazing!” his grin further widens, his eyes disappearing into two lovely moon crescents. “I know I’m just a stranger but, I'm proud of you,” his voice softens, “I mean it. I hope you’re proud of yourself too.”

It takes you a few seconds to answer, you wish to bask further in the sound of his voice, to store his words into your memory, to revisit his kindness on nights that are too cold.

This was all you’ve ever wanted to hear.

“Thank you,” you smile softly. A moment of silence passes, you find yourself missing this stranger before you even leave his car. You wish to carry a piece of his memory within you, a souvenir of who he is— “I'm Yn, by the way.”

“Yn,” he repeats, his voice tender. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Hyunjin.”

Four years later.

“You need to work on your landing more, but the rest is good.”

“Thanks, coach.” Hyunjin gives Jihyoun, his lifelong mentor, a thumbs-up as he loosens the laces of his ice skates. A dull ache is throbbing through his legs, like the faint buzz of bees circling roses.

His body is weary, every muscle reminding him of the sheer effort he’s poured into perfecting his routine for the upcoming figure skating competition— the most important one of his life, by far.

“Are you leaving now?” Jihyoun’s voice pierces the delicate silence and Hyunjin nods, resting his head against the cold concrete wall. “Just gonna take a breather.”

“I’ll head out then,” Jihyoun says, patting his back gently, “make sure you get some rest.”

Hyunjin waits till his coach is far out the corridor to release a relieved breath. A familiar silence wraps around the ice rink like a comforting cloak, the stillness sits beside Hyunjin like an old friend. It is here, amid the soft hum of machines and the chill of the rink that Hyunjin feels most like himself.

A few minutes trickle by, slow and silent. An uncomfortable feeling nudges at Hyunjin’s rib as he remains as still as a statue; he knows he’s on a losing bet to make time stretch forth, hoping that the sun outside will pause in its descent— a few more moments before the darkness completely sets in Seoul. Because the night will surely string along with it the next day, and the next day is one Hyunjin isn’t ready to face.

When does he ever?

But the sun always sets and rises once more, even if you dont wish for it to.

With a sigh, Hyunjin grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. He makes his way to the vending machine upstairs, in the dimly lit corner near the dance studio. He drops a few coins into the slot, punching the number for his usual drink. But it gets stuck—of course.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, pressing his forehead against the cold glass before frustratedly kicking the machine.

“I am rage,” a voice suddenly teases from behind.

Hyunjin is quick to distance himself from the machine, startled, and admittedly, very embarrassed. His shame morphs to surprise when he sees you standing there.

Your lips curve into a gentle smile, and your eyes sparkle with quiet amusement— that light, however, dims slightly when he doesn’t immediately respond.

It takes all of Hyunjin’s will to act like he doesn’t recognize you.

“You get to do something with your anger, but this won’t cure it.” You quote, your voice softer now. “You know, you told me this, near the graveyard…” You point vaguely behind you, each word growing quieter as if you’re no longer sure if that scene was real or a figment of your imagination.

Hyunjin nods in recognition, and you relax, the tension lifting from your shoulders.

“Miss Julliard,” he murmurs, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. Your grin brightens at his words and Hyunjin notices faint smile lines tracing your lips and eyes. It seems as if you’ve laughed quite often for the past four years. The thought brings him a strange sense of comfort.

“What did the vending machine do to deserve this?” you ask, tilting your head with playful curiosity.

“Stole my money,” Hyunjin mutters.

“You’ve got to hit the side when that happens.” You show him, tapping the machine with an experienced hand. His drink clatters down, and he shoots you a thankful grin as he bends to retrieve it.

In those brief seconds, with his head bowed, Hyunjin begs his heart to slow its frantic beating.

“What are you doing here?” you ask once he stands.

“I’m an ice skater,” he says, and your eyes widen with genuine surprise.

“Really? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah… I guess it is. Are you back from Julliard?” His voice is softer now, more tentative, reminiscent of the day you met.

“For a little while. Just a few months. This studio—” you glance around, “—it’s where I used to train before I went away.”

“I see,” Hyunjin nods, “I train upstairs, in the ice rink. Because I’m an ice skater,” he repeats, before closing his eyes in embarrassment as your giggles spill forth. No shit Hyunjin.

“I’ll see you around then,” he quickly mutters, eager to end the conversation, before turning around and hurrying away.

He’s almost by the stairs when your voice calls out his name, urgent, pressing.

“Hyunjin!”

His body freezes before his mind orders it to—he’s not the only one who remembers, then.

“Did you eat dinner?” you shout, a little out of breath.

“No,” he admits.

“There’s a place nearby that makes the best kimchi stew. Want to go?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“It’s my treat.” Your smile has slightly dimmed, and you’re unconsciously scratching the skin by your nails. Even from afar, Hyunjin can discern a shadow looming in your eyes, a plea unspoken.

“Are you lonely?” Hyunjin’s question comes out before he can stop it, blunt and raw. He’s always been honest, maybe too honest for his own good. Time has taught him that every moment matters, that each second slips away faster than you expect, and that it’s better to speak the truth before it comes back to poison you.

Your smile falters. “I just… don’t want to go home. not yet,” you confess quietly.

“So you’re using me?” he teases, leaning back against the wall with a smirk. You roll your eyes, muttering “Never mind” under your breath as you start to turn away.

“Fine,” he sighs, pushing off the wall. “But I’m craving sushi.”

…

Hyunjin’s eyes are more worn than the last time you’ve seen him.

Four years ago, they were puffy, soft with exhaustion, their brown dulled like the last flower clinging to life as fall sets in. But now, the lights have gone out completely, like a bloom crushed underfoot, its color bleeding into the cracks of the pavement.

You steal glances at him between spoonfuls of kimchi jjigae (he silently followed you to your restaurant), watching for any sign of recognition. But he doesn’t seem to remember your name, nor the day at the graveyard as much as you do.

The thought strips you of embarrassment and clothes you in sadness instead.

Hyunjin has written your name into his diary more times than he’d care to admit, even less so to you.

He has always walked this earth alone, a stranger even to his own emotions, especially his grief— no one understood how his mother’s death consumed him whole.

It is true that only one body was laid to the ground many years ago. But Hyunjin’s soul followed hers into the ground when he was just fourteen.

His sadness made sense to his teachers, his classmates, and even the distant relatives who only came around occasionally. But no one grasped the depth of his anger—at the universe for taking his mother when he was still a child, at the illness that wore down her bones, at himself, mostly, for still breathing when she no longer could.

That rage had devoured him, tore through his flesh with its canine teeth. He only saw its reflection once—when he met you.

Hyunjin didn’t know who or what you were mourning that day at the graveyard. But he remembers your screams on his way to his mother’s grave, raw and stripped down to the marrow. It was as if he had stumbled upon his younger self, begging his mother to dig through the earth and hug his frail body once more, just once more.

“How long have you been skating ?” you ask suddenly, your gaze flickering over his face. He blinks slowly, as if to bring his consciousness back to the present moment.

“Since i was a kid, nearly two decades now,” he says.

“Do you like it?” it is a harmless question, a natural succession of the one that came before it. But nothing was ever that simple with Hyunjin, because ice skating reminded him of his mother, and his mother was the wound that had yet to stop bleeding.

“I do, I really do,” he speaks softly, a fragile smile curling his lips. He waits till you both finish the first bottle of soju to ask— how have you been? and it’s your turn to frown slightly. He notices the tightening of your fist around the spoon, the subtle tremor in your hand. You, too, carry an ever bleeding wound.

“I’m okay.”

The next question slips from him without thought, “are you still as angry?”

You remain silent for a few seconds, holding his gaze as the question settles between you. His cheeks flush, and he almost apologizes for his bluntness, but then you speak.

“Was I ever angry? I think I was just very sad.”

Snippets of a younger Hyunjin flash through his mind. The numerous brawls he got in with his classmates, the way he pushed away anyone who tried to show him kindness— He was all thorns, keeping others from reaching the tender petals beneath.

Tears spring in his eyes, unbidden, and he bites his lower lip. He understands what you mean perfectly, you understand what he feels perfectly too.

“I feel as if my heart is too tired now to bear such big anger,” you say with a smile. “Have you worn out yet? That’s what I’d like to ask.”

“Aren’t you afraid of the answer?” he pauses, adding in a quiet whisper, “I am.”

The chandelier above dances across his glossy eyes. You’ve never been optimistic—life hasn’t allowed you that luxury. But a small part of you wants to offer Hyunjin hope, to breathe life back into his weary heart, even though you no longer believe in hope yourself.

But no words of reassurance come. So instead, you offer something much simpler, much more realistic. “Let’s ask it another time, then,” you smile, pouring each other a new round of drinks. You quickly down three shots before laying your head on the table.

“Are you sleeping?” Hyunjin asks with a quiet laugh, the sound light, like a melody played softly on piano keys.

“It’s fine,” you wave a hand in the air. “The owner knows me. He’ll wake me when it’s time to close.”

Both of you are running from home, or what’s left of it. Hyunjin watches you, your face softened by fleeting peace, so different from the grief he’s etched into his memories.

Far more beautiful, too.

“Then wake me up, too,” he sighs, resting his head beside yours.

His eyelids close instantly, lulled to a nice sleep by the buzz of the fridge and the soft hum of your breathing.

Many minutes pass by— quiet and uninterrupted. Hyunjin finds that the next day has come much slower in your company.

…

The first time you saw Hyunjin figure skating, you were drawn like a moth to a flame to the music echoing from the ice rink.

You recognized the swelling violin of Can You Hear the Music, and paused by the entrance, torn between stepping in and turning back. What if it wasn’t Hyunjin? Worse, what if it was, and he didn’t wish to see you?

Still, your feet betrayed your hesitation, inching forward. You stood at the door, watching in quiet awe as Hyunjin leaped into the air, spinning with perfect grace. He landed effortlessly on one foot, the other extended behind him in a flawless arc.

The lights danced over his body, his flowing white blouse trailing his movements like a siren’s voice pulling in sailors. His black hair floated weightlessly with each spin, strands resting delicately against his forehead.

For the past four years, you had struggled to feel human. The world tasted bland, as if your heart had lost its ability to savor anything. You were afraid you’d lost the capacity to be amazed—by sunsets, by poignant art that once moved you to tears. So you chased after beauty, desperate for the feelings it could still stir in you, a fragile reminder of your humanity.

But watching Hyunjin skate— that gripped your heart more than anything else had in years.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” a voice startles you and you turn quickly, caught off guard by a man standing beside you, a bottle of water in hand and a kind smile on his face.

“Yes, he is,” you reply quietly.

“I’m Jihyoun, Hyunjin’s coach,” he introduced himself, extending a firm hand.

“Yn,” you hesitated, glancing at Hyunjin, who was still absorbed in his performance. “An acquaintance.”

Jihyoun nodded, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. You followed suit, unable to tear your gaze away from Hyunjin as he spun, cradling his chest as if holding a memory close, his body lowering toward the ground in a quiet ache. It was a pain you knew all too well.

As the music softened, Hyunjin stilled, closing his eyes, taking a moment to catch his breath. You were about to slip away, retreating like a shadow escaping the light, but Jihyoun would have found you weird, perhaps he’d think you were a stalker. So, you remained there.

“Hey, coach,” Hyunjin waved, skating toward you both. Anxiety flickered in your chest like a match that refused to light up—you regretted coming now. You had shared a meal just days ago, but Hyunjin hadn’t asked for your name, nor did he seem to remember it. Maybe you held onto his memory more warmly than he held onto yours.

“Miss Julliard,” Hyunjin greeted with a soft smile as his eyes landed on you, and just like that, your worries dissolved like sugar in hot tea.

“Julliard? That’s impressive,” Jihyoun whistled, but you shook your head. You often forgot how prestigious your school was—perhaps because no one ever celebrated your acceptance in it.

No one, except Hyunjin.

“Have you eaten?” Hyunjin asked, gliding to the edge of the rink, his blouse clinging to his sweat-soaked skin.

“No,” you shook your head. He nodded nonchalantly.

“I’m craving kimchi jiggae again,” he tipped his chin towards you, “we can go again, if you’d like.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you grinned.

“Okay. Wait for me.”

…

Hyunjin’s routine has always been quite simple.

He’d work out in the morning, the rest of his day lost in practice, his nights reserved for painting or reading, sometimes pouring his thoughts onto paper. It was a life untouched by turbulence, a pattern he rarely swayed from— until you wove yourself into it.

For the past two weeks, you always came to see Hyunjin at the end of his practice. Some nights you’d go eat dinner at your usual spot; sometimes you’d simply buy a drink and find a quiet refuge on the rooftop, watching the city lights twinkle beneath the stars.

There was a strange sense of comfort, he had found, in two bruised souls sitting with one another— an unspoken understanding of what your tongues had often failed to express.

But you hadn’t come to see him in two days.

It’s past one a.m. when Hyunjin finally exits the practice building. He pauses outside, turning back to see that the lights are still on in the dance studio.

He hopes it is you dancing there.

With a faint sigh, he takes the stairs two at a time, not wanting to dwell on the fact that, for the very first time in a while, Hyunjin, the ever lonely man, is seeking someone else’s presence.

When Hyunjin pushes open the studio door, he finds you sitting on the floor, knees tucked to your chest. Your tutu encircles you the way petals would hug a stem— layers of soft tulle in pale pink, contrasting delicately against your sheer tights and pointe shoes.

You appear just like the water lily he sketched only yesterday—soft pastels and an unmatched delicateness. His cheeks flush at the comparison, and, in a hurried attempt to leave, he fumbles, catching his shirt on the doorknob and bumping into the door.

He’s frozen in place, wincing when you call out his name in surprise. Does he have to embarrass himself each time he’s around you?

He turns slowly, a sheepish smile creeping onto his face. “Miss Julliard,” he waves, and you grin in return, your eyes warm, “What are you doing here?”

The words are lost on him as you run over to him, stopping mere inches away from his figure. His fingers twitch for his sketchbook, a sudden urge seizes him to draw you.

“You didn’t come by yesterday so I came to see you,” he explains, voice soft like a summer breeze.

Your grin brightens like the sun. “Ah, did you miss me?” you tease, and he rolls his eyes playfully, walking past you to sit on the floor.

Did he miss you? no he didn’t, but his heart did ache, just a little, at your absence.

“Why did you look so defeated sitting on the ground?” he asks instead of replying, leaning against the mirrored wall.

You sigh, taking your place across from him, “practicing this dance is so hard, I got sick of it.”

He nods, understanding the frustration that stems from being a perfectionist, always chasing ideals in your work.

“You know what helps me? Performing to a song I love. Reminds me what I love about the sport.”

You hum, before a mischievous glint sparks in your eyes. “There is this one song.. From a barbie movie.”

He blinks in surprise, laughing as you dash for your phone.

“Barbie?”

“Yes! The 12 dancing princesses. My mom made me watch it to convince me to take up ballet.”

“Is that so?” he grins, placing his chin atop his palm.

“Yeah, she wanted me to follow my sister’s footsteps,” you say, and he thinks back to the small grave you were both kneeling next to. “I wonder if I wouldn’t have become a ballerina if I didn’t watch it,” you muse, before clearing your throat.

“Anyways,” you force a smile on your face, as a whimsical melody streams through the loud speakers. Your grin turns childlike as you stand onto pointe, your raised foot grazing the knee of your supporting leg.

You glide across the floor as if you are floating, your tutu catching the soft glow of the studio light. Your leaps are as light as air, and you slide to Hyunjin grabbing his hand to pull him up, drawing him into your orbit.

You laugh, spinning around him, your movements fluid and free, yet your arms frame your figure with a rehearsed prouesse. He can’t help but laugh with you, the warmth of your presence filling the room, the music wrapping around you both like a spell.

You’re a blur of pink and light, you appear like an angel dancing to the tune of childhood memories.

As the song reaches its end, you twirl one last time before bowing gracefully. Hyunjin claps, the sound echoing in the quiet studio.

“I haven’t danced to that in years,” you say, catching your breath. “I probably looked ridiculous.”

He shakes his head, his voice steady and sincere. “I think ballet would’ve found you anyway. It’s like you were born for it.”

Hyunjin is used to the cold bite of the ice rink, that is where he feels most like himself. But he is somehow drawn to the warmth of this particular studio—no, not just the studio. It’s the warmth you bring, the way your smile lights up the space at his words, that makes him feel, for the first time in a long while, that he could have a friend. That he doesn’t need to walk down the path of life alone.

…

You’re lingering at the doorstep of your home, keys gripped like a lifeline in your trembling fingers. It always takes you three heartbeats to open the door—one to shut your eyes, two to fill your lungs with air, and three to prepare for the tidal wave of hurt waiting on the other side.

You push the door open and slip inside, peeling off your shoes like a shadow trying to leave no trace. With each step, the house pulls you in, a black hole swallowing the warmth that once flickered in your veins, devouring any trace of light.

Dinner with Hyunjin still burns faintly in your chest, like the lingering heat of a fireplace after the flames have died. He makes you laugh a lot, because he’s clumsy, and a peculiar fan of weird debates. You had just spent an hour discussing whether humans have two buttcheeks or simply one.

But you wither down inside this home, your joy punctured like a balloon drifting too close to the sun.

The walls have permeated your sadness, they echo the killing sentence your father cast into your heart four years ago, a wound that festers no matter how much time has passed.

Hyunjin asked you a few days ago why you were back to Seoul. You told him you were competing in the Seoul International Ballet Competition, and he said that he was preparing for the Olympics selection. He then laughed, saying how strange it was that after a month of seeing each other every day, it was only now that you’d shared this.

You tried to laugh with him, but the sound felt like a stone sinking in your throat. Guilt gnawed at you, not because it was a lie, but because it wasn’t the whole truth. The ballet may have brought you back, but something else called you home.

At times you wonder if you had made the right call by answering it.

“You’re home,” your mother’s voice cuts through the quiet as you enter the kitchen. You nod, humming absentmindedly.

“I made pasta, it’s in the oven. And I bought that drink you like,” she says, but her words are too sweet, too forced—like the artificial flavor of apple in fizzy drinks.

“Thanks,” you whisper, barely loud enough to carry the word across to her.

“I’ll grab it for you,” she says, moving toward the fridge. But when she opens it, her hands falter, hovering over empty shelves. “That’s strange… I could’ve sworn I put it here.” You grip the counter tighter as she flits from cabinet to cabinet, her search growing frantic.

“It’s fine, I’m not thirsty,” you murmur, but she continues, finally pulling open the dishwasher.

“Ah, silly me,” she says softly, retrieving the can with trembling hands. You keep your eyes low, unwilling to meet hers. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice as fragile as a cracked vase, “I forget so much these days.”

And just like that, she slips out of the kitchen, leaving behind a gaping hole in your chest that threatens to swallow you whole.

You hate it when she forgets in front of you, because it shatters the illusion. You see her now, as something frail, crumbling under the weight of time. Her mind, like a worn-out book, is losing pages faster than you can salvage them.

And the cruelest part is that it forces you to forgive her—to hold her in the softness of your heart, knowing that one day she’ll forget who you are entirely.

But has she ever known who you were to begin with? Has she ever dared to ask?

Has she ever cared to?

…

The first time Hyunjin spoke about his mother, you were both lying on the grass underneath a starry night.

You had been rambling about a specific bagel from New York that you missed, while he hummed absentmindedly, his thoughts entangled in memories like marionettes tugged by invisible strings from the past.

He hadn’t meant to ignore you; so when you turned to him, playful mischief dancing on your lips—“Are you listening to me?”—he could only offer a sheepish grin in response.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, and he bit his lip, worry knitting his brow.

Hyunjin had never had anyone to speak to about his mother; her memory resided in the pages of his diary, the strokes of his paintings, the rhythm of his dances—never out loud, never to another soul.

But he suddenly felt an insatiable urge to speak of her; thorns pricking his throat, his skin growing feverish as he fought to form the words he longed to speak.

“What’s wrong?” you pressed, your tone shifting to one of concern. He thought you wouldn’t mind if he shared her memory, but what he would even say? There was so much to talk about, so much he admired, so much he missed.

“My mom…” he started, his voice tentative. He had your full attention now, he could tell by the way you fully turned around to look at him. “She used to make the best kimchi stew,” he confessed, closing his eyes in slight embarrassment. Is this really what he decided to speak about?

Still, he pushed through. “She made it for me whenever I was sick. I don’t attach it to bad memories because it was delicious, and I could feel that she made it out of love, out of concern.” He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “I hadn’t eaten it at all since she passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to. Until you took me to that restaurant.”

His eyes glistened as they settled on you, “So thank you for taking me there. I think you would have liked her kimchi stew.”

Your eyes widened slightly, dewdrops brimming in your waterline before you smiled softly. “I’m sure I would’ve.”

He cleared his throat, somehow emboldened by the tenderness of your gaze. He thought that her memory would be safe within the confines of your mind. He thought that he wouldn’t mind sharing her with you. “She was the best figure skater I’ve ever seen.”

“Was she? Is she the one who inspired you to become an ice skater?” you asked, curiosity lighting up your expression. He nodded eagerly. “Yes, she was graceful with her moves; it felt as if she floated atop the ice. The media dubbed her the best figure skater of her generation,” he spoke, pride swelling within him as he noticed the admiration in your expression.

“It was always just her and me, so I’d stay late into the night watching her practice. That was my favorite pastime. She’d always buy me the food I wanted afterward, as a thank you.”

“She sounds like a good mother,” you said, and your words morphed into fingers pressing on his tender bruises.

“She was. She is.”

“Tell me more,” you smiled, and so he talked, and talked and talked. He shared everything he could recall: their weekly picnics beneath cherry trees, birthday candles they’d blow out together, the medals she dedicated to him, and her silly jokes that had once filled their home with laughter.

He spoke of her kindness, her joy that lingered even until her last breath, the love that she beheld for this life and her art, and him. He didn’t mention her illness; it was a mere passing moment, never defining her, never stripping her from the passion that bound her atoms together.

When he finished, he found his cheeks damp with tears, but his heart felt lighter than it had in years. The air around you was sweeter, for once, it wasn’t fourteen-year-old Hyunjin weeping over the memory of his mother. The ache had softened.

His last words hung in the air, echoing softly in the stillness of the empty park. You didn’t speak; instead, you gently placed your palm atop his.

It is his very soul that twitched at your touch.

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly, a foolish question, perhaps.

Your reply was even more obvious, simpler.

“Comforting you.”

“I…” he hesitated, eyes darting furiously over your face, then your hand resting upon his, then your eyes once more, watching him patiently, leaving him the space to retract his hand or intertwine your fingers with his.

“I’m scared,” he finally admitted, the shadows of his fears looming large. It terrified him even more to utter such words, yet he knew you wouldn’t use them against him; you understood what it felt like to be deprived of comfort— somehow that only saddened him even more.

“What if… What if I forget the coldness of her fingers wrapped around mine?”

“Your mom loved you, Hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hand to feel warm.”

Something shifted within his heart, atoms rearranging themselves to spell out a simple truth for Hyunjin— your mom would want you to be happy.

He nodded, willing his fingers to slip in the empty spaces between your fingers. You squeezed his hand—once, twice, thrice—each pulse a silent invitation for your warmth to seep through his veins, to permeate his bones and sink into his heart.

He could get used to this, he thought. He wants to get used to your warmth, he realizes.

What does that mean?

…

Hyunjin has always known who he was, memorized to heart the architecture of his personality.

He knew he loved art, that he found solace in learning about artists past who, like him, seemed to have sculpted their solitude into something lasting.

He knew he loved painting, he knew he hated egg plants, he knew he’d rather die than not achieve his mother’s dream, for him.

But something within him was shifting—unraveling.

His eyes are drawn to the entrance of the ice rink, like a compass needle to true north. His neck craned almost instinctively as the clock looms over 11 p.m.— the time you usually come by to the studio.

“Don’t worry, she’ll drop by,” Jihyon’s voice cut through his trance. Hyunjin startled, his cheeks blooming with the soft pink of a rising dawn.

“What are you talking about?” he mumbled, but Jihyon only grinned knowingly.

“Miss Julliard,” his coach teased. Was he that obvious? Did you notice it too?

That nickname clung to you both since the first time he uttered it near the vending machine. You never corrected him, never offered your real name, and he never asked—though he knew it well. He had thought of you often over these past four years, wondered if you had been well, wondered if you had ever moved on or if you still carried the anger, the heartbreak as if it were your own spine.

He felt guilty that he had found comfort in your pain all these nights past.

Did that make Hyunjin selfish? Or lonely?

“Don’t stay up too late,” Jihyon said as he waved goodbye.

“Don’t worry about me.”

Jihyon lingered by the door, as if wishing to say something else, but he simply sighed before leaving.

It feels odd now for Hyunjin to stand in the stillness of the ice rink, feeling like a hollow shell without you. The quiet is no longer familiar, nor comforting, not when he’s grown accustomed to your giggles spilling all over the place.

What does it mean, he wondered, when the heart learns to beat to the rhythm of someone else’s presence? When the mind begins to archive every detail, every smile, everything that the other person has ever loved?

Like clockwork you jog into the studio, waving at Hyunjin from afar. He skates over to you, leaning against the railing as he smiles, it is natural for him to smile at you.

“How was practice?” you asked, and he shot you a thumbs-up, his fingers drumming against the railing.

“Isn’t your competition next week?” you ask and he nods, “Can I come watch then?” you say and his heart stutters at your request.

“You can, if you want to, if you don’t it’s okay too, you actually don’t have to,” he mumbles, his words rushing out, until you pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him

“I’ll be there, I have to make sure everyone cheers for you when you win,” you grin, self-assuredly, as if you have never doubted that he’ll qualify for the Olympics.

His heart grows limp at your words, his limbs losing their strength as your finger lingers upon his lips. He gently grabs your hand, moving it away, goosebumps rippling across his skin at how soft your wrist feels.

This isn’t normal.

“Should I bring pom poms? Actually, should I make them from scratch? What’s your favorite color?”

“Will you actually come?” he whispers. Hyunjin has never had anyone cheering for him in his competitions, except for his coach, but he was obligated to do so, in a way. He doesn’t remember what it feels like to smile at someone in the stands anticipating your win.

Somewhat, you sense the gravity of hyunjin’s question, the vulnerability it entails, one he doesn’t try to hide. He has never attempted to hide his emotions from you, now that he thinks about it.

“Of course I will,” your voice softens, your playfulness melting away. “I promise. I…” you point your pinky to him and he chuckles quietly, “I pinky promise.”

You kiss your thumb pad and signal for him to do the same, he shakes his head before following your lead, pressing both your thumb pads together.

“There, sealed forever.”

You quiet down, before giggling for a reason that eludes you both.

“Have you ever tried ice skating?” he suddenly asks and you nod, “I know how to skate, but not how to do all those fancy spins of yours.”

“Do you want to try?” he smiles and you lighten up, “Actually? What if I fall?”

“I’ll be there to catch you.”

A few moments later, you were both on the ice, Hyunjin spinning around you as you found your balance. “This feels so different from ballet,” you chuckle and he grins, “do you like it?”

“Yeah, i do.”

“Come here,” he beckons, reaching for your hand, and you don’t hesitate, your fingers intertwining with his as he leads you across the rink.

Can you hear the music starts playing on the loud speakers and Hyunjin laughs, turning around to look at you.

“I’m scared,” you giggle happily and he shakes his head, “Let go of your fears and hold on to me.”

And then, without warning, he spins you, the motion sending your hair flying around you like wings unfurling in the wind. he’s spurred by the emotions this song alone can bestow on him. Can you hear the music?, it asks. Yes, he can, now more than ever, is his answer.

He wraps a secured arm around your waist, lifting you off the ground as he traces wide circles on the ice. Your laughter can be heard over the music, shouts of exhilaration ripping through you as you lift your leg to a ninety degree, as if doing ballet on ice.

He twirls with you in his arms, as the music hits its crescendo, before finally putting you down, his arm still around you, your chests almost brushing against one another.

You’re so close, closer than you’ve ever been, Hyunjin can decipher the specks of light in your eyes, can hear the booming sound of your heartbeat in his chest. Your hand wraps around his bicep as you catch your breath, and Hyunjin is wrapped in a cocoon of your scent.

He doesn’t wish to break free, he wants to remain in the chrysalis woven by the notes of your perfume.

It’s a few hours later, Hyunjin laid on his bed, a pillow tightly pressed to his face. He wasn’t a stranger to late-night thoughts strung along by the twilight, but he had never thought before of this—of your lips, how soft they looked inches away from his, how it’d feel to press them on yours, to move slowly, tentatively, and then ravenously, hungrily, achingly.

“Fuck,” he mutters, further burying himself under his covers. Hyunjin wasn’t accustomed to these kinds of thoughts, he had never pursued someone, never had the time nor the energy to do so. Never had anyone grab his attention, in the first place.

Until you.

“Do I like her?” he murmurs to no one but himself, before shaking his head forcefully. “Go to sleep, Hyunjin,” he mutters, willing his eyes to shut closed, sewed so tightly together images of you cannot slip through his eyelids.

But to no avail.

He groans, kicking the covers off before heading to his desk. There, he opens his diary, grabbing a pen as if to write a new entry. But his fingers itch for the buried notebook from four years ago, the one he eyes from the corner of his eye.

He sighs softly before digging it out of its place, his fingers expertly going to his entry the night he came back from the graveyard. The night you met.

He remembers coming home slightly distraught after dropping you off, he had lingered by the door a bit, hearing echoing screams, a door being slammed, then an eerie silence once more.

Hyunjin had been too immersed in his pain to afford absorbing others’ sadness. A sponge that is too saturated, unable to welcome the woes of any other being.

But you had managed to crack through his defenses, frayed yourself a passage through the small gaps forgotten, shed sunlight on parts of himself he had thought were rotten, lost beyond salvation.

He felt an excruciating sadness for you, for your anger, for your sadness, for the way it consumed you whole, because he knew what would follow—when a body burns up, all that is left after is ashes, scattered everywhere, mingling with specks of dust, meaningless, a heart that serves no purpose anymore.

He never told you, he is unsure if he ever would, but it was the fourth anniversary of his mother’s death when he met you. He had planned to spend the night in a willowing state of sadness, an incapacitating one that didn’t allow for his limbs to move, similar to the first anniversary, then the second, then the third.

But he had spent the rest of it sketching your tearful eyes as you looked up at him, as you cowered away from his words, as you relaxed in his car.

That is the image he finds in his diary entry. But now that he thinks about it, he didn’t skillfully depict the moles scattered on your face, the crease near your eyes, or the way your hair reflects the sun’s light. He didn’t capture the arch of your eyebrow or the way beauty seems to reside in every nook and cranny of your face, seems to pour out of your pores like the sun brushing against a waterfall the way timid lovers do—magical, beautiful.

He sees you in a whole different light, now.

Hyunjin runs a tired hand through his hair, before grabbing his sketchbook. In the hours that ensued, in which he tried to do your beauty justice, erasing and retracing the shape of you time and time again, numerous questions ran through his mind, racing against time to find answers.

Does he like you? No, too simplistic of a question, too dim to encapsulate what knowing you feels like.

Is his soul drawn to yours?

Perhaps. Yes. Most definitely, his heart whispered.

Would he be a fool if he ever confessed it to you?

It is his mind that answered then. A bit forcefully, in fear, in warning: yes, a thousand times yes.

…

There are places in your parent’s house that you always stray from, the way oil stirs away from water. One, the vicinity of their bedroom, two, the living room— the ones in which you are most likely to stumble upon them. Three, the attic, in which you will most likely brush against ghosts from the past.

But somehow you found yourself exactly there, tonight.

It's 10 p.m. The sun has long sunk below Seoul’s horizon, leaving behind a sky awash in an exquisitely deep blue, so inviting you almost wish to disappear into it. Today was your rest day, no dance studio, no late night escapades with Hyunjin.

You find yourself missing his giggles and how they would linger in your mind long after you part ways.

The attic is still, the floorboards creaking beneath the weight of your feet as you fumble for a light switch, your hand sweeping along the dusty wall. It flickers on, weak and golden, and you squint as the air, thick with age, coats your lungs.

Old furniture crowds the room, remnants of a life you left behind four years ago. You’re surprised they kept your bed untouched in your room, one last string tying them to your memory.

Your eyes sweep over old paintings, broken suitcases, and wooden shelves, a hand mixer—useless now. And then, you see it, the reason you climbed here.

Your mother had once mentioned a box, in passing, filled with things your sister wanted to leave for you. Your mother wasn’t pregnant with you at the time nor did she intend to, but she’d entertain the idea to make her favorite girl happy.

You kneel and pull the box to your lap, the cardboard soft and weathered under your fingers.

“She was so kind,” your mother had said, too many glasses of wine in her system, her words loose and unguarded. “She gave up her favorite toys for you, before you were even born.” You never asked why they were never passed on, deep down you already knew the answer. She never deemed you worthy of having them.

Inside, you find a small doll with golden hair and big glassy blue eyes, its pink dress dotted with strawberries, a swan hairpin missing some crystals, and tiny, delicate ballerina shoes, pale pink, unused, small—so small.

And then, a note.

Your heart stumbles, the bile rising fast to your throat as you grip the worn paper in your hands.

Your sister had always been a myth, a memory passed down to you by your parents. An elusive figure you have only seen in photographs, until now.

You’ve never had words that she addressed to you.

The paper crinkles as you unfold it. You can somehow hear the rush of hot blood in your veins—uncomfortable, deafening.

The words blur together as your eyes skim over the paper. You catch fragments— to my future sister—then something about how she wants to play with you, urging you to hurry, come quickly, before I break all my toys.

Your vision wavers, the small, careful handwriting barely legible through the haze. I left you my favorite doll and hairpin. So simple. So kind. I also left you my new ballet shoes. You don’t have to like ballet but if you do that would be awesome.

I would love to dance ballet with you.

The note crumples in your hand as your heart lurches, body jolted upright as if struck by lightning. You stumble out of the attic, discarding the box as the walls close in on you. They press, like the past, against your ribcage until you feel like you might suffocate.

You’ve carried resentment like a stone in your chest, a tide pulled by the moon, ever present, ever rising. You resented her because her memory haunted you, grew larger than life as you did. But she never asked for that. She was just a child, a seven-year-old who loved you before you even existed.

How horrible are you?

Guilt is bitter on your tongue, sour as acid, and you swallow hard against it, tasting the metallic tang of regret. You don’t think as you barge into your parent’s room, blinded by feelings too entangled like vines to tell apart.

“What’s wrong?” your mother asks, sitting in a bed too big for her alone. You throw the crumpled note at her.

“Why did you never give me this?” you demand, and her eyes widen as she skims the lines, a sheen glazing her pupils.

“I…” she stammers, and you laugh—a hollow, jagged sound—as your hands press against your forehead, fingers digging into the migraine feeding off your pain.

“You know I hated her, right? I– I hated a child, my sister because I never felt loved by you,” you choke, voice fracturing, “how– my god how pathetic is that?”

“i’ve always loved you,” she says, voice tentative. but it is too meek of a reply, too hollow before the depths of your abandonment.

“I’ve never, NEVER felt once loved by you! YOU made me feel as if I was competing with a ghost. She wasn’t here but she was everywhere and I was never enough to fill her shoes!”

“I was a grieving mother!” she yells, standing up to face you, her face flushed and her hands trembling. “Do you know how terrible it feels to lower your child into the ground? Do you know how horrible I felt covering her grave when she was scared of the dark, when she hated the cold? She–” her voice cracks like fragile glass, unraveling as tears spill over her face, “She kept telling me that she didn’t want to leave us, that she didn’t want to die. How am I—“ She sobs, the sound raw, torn, “how am I supposed to forget my baby’s last breath? how am i supposed to be a perfect mother to you when I couldn’t protect her?”

“i never wanted a perfect mother.” you murmur, eyes shutting tight, chest heaving with hiccuped breaths. “I never said you had to forget her. But I was right here. I was alive. I was breathing, hurting, waiting for you to see me, to love me.” Your voice breaks, you sound like your seven years old self and you hate that. “Did I mean so little to you?”

You smile sadly before her silence, your shoulders dropping low. You are too tired for an offense, too tired to tear down her defenses. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t always a good child. I’m sorry that sometimes I threw tantrums. I’m sorry for all the ways I failed you. I know I’m not perfect. I hurt, I stumble, I make mistakes. I am filled with resentment. I choke with it, and sometimes I hurt others too. But I try. I always try to make things right. And I apologize if I do.”

Silence thickens between you both like browned sugar, though this moment is anything but sweet. You remain quiet, hoping for your salvation to come in the form of two words, two simple words— I’m sorry—that is all it would take to soothe your heart a little.

You wait, and wait, and more seconds pass as the silence stretches longer and your mother refuses to meet your eyes. And slowly, slowly the hope withers within you. You know she isn’t apologizing tonight. Maybe not ever.

“Forget it.” you whisper as you leave the room and hurriedly walk out of the house. You need something strong, something to burn away the ache, something to scald the memory from your bones, to forget.

It’s nearly midnight when Hyunjin finally steps out of the training building. The air is crisp, cool against his flushed skin, but his relief is short-lived as his eyes land on Sohee, the owner of the kimchi jjigae place nearby, hovering by the entrance.

Hyunjin’s frown deepens—something feels off.

“Ah, hyunjin,” the fifty something quickly jogs up to him. “The security guard told me you still hadn’t left.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Yn has been drinking for the past hours, she looks.. Sad. And I’m worried she can’t get home safely.” Sohee’s tone sets off the alarm in Hyunjin’s mind.

His worry tightens into a knot in his chest as he steps into the narrow restaurant. His eyes immediately fall on you—your cheek pressed against the table, five empty soju bottles scattered around you

He crouches in front of you, his heart twisting as he takes in the dried streaks of tears on your cheeks. What happened?

“Hey,” he whispers gently, afraid to jolt you awake. You stir, blinking groggily, trying to piece together your surroundings.

“Hyunjin,” you breathe, barely a whisper, and his heart softens at the sound. He nods, offering you a small smile, though concern darkens his eyes. “What’s wrong, hm?”

His words unlock something deep inside you, and your face crumbles like a porcelain vase breaking apart. The tears come swiftly, welling in your eyes until they spill over, your lower lip trembling like fragile branches in a storm.

“I’m a—I’m a horrible person,” you choke out between sobs, your voice trembling as much as your body. Your eyes squeeze shut as your shoulders quake, and Hyunjin’s hands move instinctively, gently covering your tightly clenched fists.

“No, you’re not,” he murmurs, his voice soft and steady, as if trying to hold you together with his words alone.

But you shake your head fiercely, a sob tearing from your throat, raw and unrestrained. “I’m a horrible sister,” you manage to whisper, your words barely audible as you wipe at your eyes, only for the tears to fall faster, harder.

Hyunjin watches you break, his heart aching with every tear that slips down your face. He feels weird, feverish, as if your pain has somewhat transferred to his heart. He glances at Sohee, who quietly steps out of the restaurant, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet, dim light.

With a soft sigh, Hyunjin gently cups your face in his hands, his palms warm against your tear-streaked cheeks. His thumbs trace slow, soothing circles across your skin.

“You didn’t even get to be a sister, how could you be a horrible one?”

“I hated her for so long when all she wanted was to dance with me. I hated a child for so long, I’m a-a horrible person.”

Hyunjin tentatively licks his lips, thoughts jumbled in his mind like wires. His heart is beating so fast as he wraps an arm around your back, bringing your face to the crook of his neck. You seem to melt in his embrace, tension loosening off of your back as he gently pats your spine.

“I don’t think you hated your sister. You hated how your parents treated you. Those are two different things.”

Your tears are unceasing, trickling down his skin as you sob more and more. He doesn’t mind the dampening of his shirt, he would never mind a lot of things when it comes to you.

“Humans aren’t straightforward lines, we bend and twist and stray from our paths because our hearts are too frail and sometimes we carry emotions too heavy for us to bear. Sometimes we are pushed to feel certain things when we’ve never wanted to go through them.”

He never stops patting your back gently, his hand traveling from the top of your hair to the base of your spine. “A bad person does not worry about being a bad person. I’m sure your sister knows you love her. You have nothing to feel horrible about.”

Your tears are unyielding and Hyunjin feels as if it isn’t enough— to press your body to his hoping the rhythm of his heart would calm down yours, to think of words of his own doing to soothe your pain. He has not had to comfort anyone in so long, he doesn’t know how to stop your ache. He wishes he could soak your sorrow into his heart instead— he’s used to it, he can handle your pain and his, at once.

He’s racking his mind furiously for things to comfort you. In his memory he stumbles upon the poem of Mary Oliver that has held his hand in the dark.

“Would you like to hear my favorite poem?” he asks, in a whisper.

He feels you nodding against his chest, and he peels himself away from you, painfully, like removing a bandaid from a wound that has yet to scab.

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide and glossy as he peers into yours, as he looks beyond your irises and gazes at your soul, as he recites to you, with a steady voice like a current that doesn’t fall prey to the hazards of storms— “You do not have to be good.” He smiles softly. “You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.” The verb strikes you like a thunderbolt. “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

It passes him like a vision, a flash of white that blinds him, him holding your cheeks but without tears, him cupping your face, in the mornings and in the nights, because it is you his soft clueless flesh aches to love.

It’s gone as quick as it came, his words come out much slower, much more disoriented as he continues— “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.”

“I want to tell you,” you hiccup, your cheeks are all rosy, delicate red veins protruding the white of your eyes. Your lips are all swollen from how hard you bit them to muffle your sobs.

“I will listen,” he reassures. Hyunjin stays true to his words. He drives you to his place, there, atop his couch, lit by a flower shaped lamp casting warm shadows on you both; you felt safe, a vanilla tea in hand, to talk, to tell Hyunjin everything, how you felt and how lonely, excruciatingly lonely you have been for the past years.

And he listens, he listens well, nodding, holding your hand when it shakes, wiping your tears when they slip from your face.

You feel a sense of gratitude swell in your heart, as if a hundred tulips bloomed in your chest at once. You feel safe talking about your biggest fears to Hyunjin, handing him your heart on an open palm, bruised, bleeding. He would wrap it in a gauze for you, he would keep it safe till you can heal it once more.

You doze in and off sleep on the couch, you can feel Hyunjin placing a warm blanket atop you. You swear he sat by your side for a long while, his hand gently patting your hair and threading through your locks.

You resisted the urge to pull his hand, to beg him to climb near you on the couch and have him encapsulate you in his hold once more. It would be too much for him to bear. Too much of you to ask. Too hard for you to handle a no.

Because even in your drunken state, with a heart weighed down by alcohol and ten thousand stones of grief, when Hyunjin cupped your cheeks in his larger, warmer hands, when he peered into your soul with his brown glimmering eyes, when it looked as if he could mirror your pain, as if he could understand the guilt, as if he could hold your hand through the grief— for one second, for a fleeting instant, it was all forgotten.

The grief became a simple myth in your mind, a distant memory, something you could brush away as a bad dream slipping away with the march of time; simply because he was there for you through it.

…

Hyunjin is beautiful.

This isn’t new knowledge for you, per se. You've known it from the moment your eyes met his, through a veil of relentless rain and the sting of unshed tears. Even then, you recognized it—he was the most beautiful human you’d ever seen.

But somehow, you’ve managed to tuck this knowledge away, placed it in a forgotten recess of your mind. You had found other things to like about Hyunjin, things that wouldn’t be weird for a friend to admire— and Hyunjin made that an easy feat for you.

You enjoyed the poems, all the ones he’d recite to you from time to time. You loved watching people’s eyes turn to behold him, and him unaware of this magnetic aura coating his porcelain skin. You felt warm hearing his bright and unrestrained giggles, seeing traces of happiness carved into his eyes, watching his lips stretch into a wide grin that seemed to swallow the world whole.

But there are moments when it’s harder to forget. Like now—when Hyunjin stands before you, slipping on the finishing touches of his performance outfit. His sky-blue top clings to his frame, bedazzled with pearls and diamonds that cascade like teardrops, swooping around his small waist and hugging his broad shoulders. The fabric melts into his black pants, carving his silhouette like a chiseled statue.

There are only ten minutes left before his turn on stage. Last night, over quiet spoonfuls of miso soup, Hyunjin told you to please stay backstage with him, his voice so soft it felt like a secret only meant for you. And how could you refuse? Hyunjin wanted you close—Hyunjin asked for you.

He is nervous, you can tell by the slight tremble of his hands as he struggles with his earring, the delicate hoop slipping from his grasp. It falls, and before you know it, you’ve stepped forward, picking it up, your fingers steady as you help him clasp it into place.

His gaze is heavy on you, and your heart beats a little too fast. You avoid meeting his eyes—he’s too close, too vulnerable of a setting for you.

You finish, stepping back, but Hyunjin’s hand finds your wrist, gently tugging you close again. He doesn’t let go, his fingers playing with the hem of your sleeve. He bites his lip, lets go of the plush flesh before biting it once more, then he confesses. “i’m scared.”

Your fingers find his wrist, settle above his wildly beating pulse, a small part of you selfishly wishes it is because of your proximity. Your thumb gently swipes across his soft skin as you say, “you’ll do amazing. I’m sure of it.”

He nods, though something flickers in his eyes, something unsaid that lingers between you. He swallows it down, offering you a small smile. “Thank you. I’ll see you after.”

“Okay,” you grin back, “I’ll see you with a gold medal.”

You’ve seen this choreography countless times before, memorized every twist, every subtle motion of his body. But watching him perform, under the harsh, burning lights, is like witnessing something new.

Hyunjin moves with a grace that defies reason, a dancer molded by the music, his body bending to its rhythm, his face crumbling as the music swells.

Hyunjin glides around as if he is one with the ice, he glows, like the sun on stage, mesmerizing, dipping low with the music and soaring high with its rhythm. Your hand is on your chest as you watch him deliver the killing move, a deep dip, head thrown back, his body a perfect arch on his knees.

He finishes, under the roaring applause of everyone around. You’re first to stand on your feet and the entire arena follows, giving Hyunjin the standing ovation he deserves, the only one of the night. He bows deeply, a hand on his heart as he soaks in the praise.

You feel like throwing up as you anxiously await the results to show up on the screen. One minute of silence passes by, then, you see it. His name comes in first.

Hyunjin won. Hyunjin qualified for the Olympics.

He’s already skating towards you, and you’re moving, rushing down to meet him. You wrap him in a tight hug, feeling his chest rise and fall with quick breaths.

“How was it?” he asks, laughter bubbling in his voice. You find it to be such a silly question.

How could he be anything but extraordinary?

“You fucking did it, Hyunjin,” you say, the words leaving you in a rush. He tips his head back, laughing, his happiness so pure it aches. You reluctantly pull away from him as Jihyoun comes to congratulate him, pulling him too for a hug.

“Proud of you son,” he says and you can see Hyunjin’s eyes well up with tears. you wish you could kiss them away, the tears and the sadness, will it to desert his heart, kiss his smile and happiness, learn the taste of his joys and sorrows.

Oh god.

The thoughts submerge you like you’re doused in gasoline, and being near Hyunjin is the crickling match that will set you on fire.

“There’s an afterparty to celebrate the man of the hour,” Jihyoun grins, patting Hyunjin’s back in a fatherly manner. You can feel the pull of the crowd, people waiting to shower him with well-deserved praise, like waves gathering to meet the shore.

“Are you coming?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft as his gaze lingers on you. You hesitate, and he pouts, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his face. “I want you to come, please.”

“Okay,” you smile, though your feet are already inching away. “But I left my phone at home. I’ll go get it and come back.” That is the truth, or maybe just a shadow of it.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Hyunjin, ever the considerate one. His kindness cuts deeper than he knows, a dull blade slicing against your fragile skin. You hate how you pull his thoughtfulness to somewhere tainted with shadows. You hate how your mind cannot accept that someone could care for you. What if he pities you, still? It asks. What if he only sees you as the selfish girl sobbing at her sister’s grave?

How could someone like Hyunjin, radiant as the sun pay attention to a mere rock floating in space, aimless, too unimportant to even be given a name?

“No, it’s a quick drive. Enjoy your moment.” You flash a smile, hoping it covers the tremor in your voice. You quickly slip away before Hyunjin can notice, your pace quickening as his brow furrows behind you.

You’ve never dared to truly like someone. The harsh truth is that people like you, who were born sipping grief in their mother’s womb, only end up accustomed to its metallic tang on their tongues.

It’s been thirty minutes since you left and Hyunjin’s eyes keep drifting toward the door, pulled by some invisible force. Jihyoun is talking, excitedly introducing him to someone new, someone important from the sound of it. He hears snippets of the conversation— Switzerland, the best coaching center, a guaranteed win, but the words are distant, like murmurs underwater.

His mind is a whirlwind of paranoid thoughts as Hyunjin redoes the calculations: it was supposed to be a fifteen minute errand, at most. Where are you?

His heart feels tethered to a storm as he steps out, muttering a feeble excuse to Jihyoun, feet moving before his brain catches up. The air feels heavy like trying to inhale metal, only to end up crushed from all sides.

He searches the parking lot, scanning the faces mingling there, but he finds no sign of you. His feet keep moving, driven by instinct, by a chilling feeling pulling at his heart, desperate to glimpse you.

Then he sees it—flashing lights up ahead. His world dims as he watches a man on the phone, gesturing frantically toward a car. A car that’s all too familiar. Yours, crumpled like a piece of paper, flipped on its side, crashed against a tree.

A loud ringing floods his ears akin to the buzzing of a hundred angry bees, at once. His legs buckle, his hand slamming against a nearby car for balance, but it feels like the earth beneath him is giving way. His eyes squeeze shut, his back turning away from the wreck. Not again.

Please, not again.

His throat burns with bile, and it feels like nails are clawing at his chest, ripping his skin open and exposing his heart. It’s pounding wildly, erratically, like it’s trying to escape the cage of his ribs and splatter on his feet.

He can’t turn around—he’s too afraid of what he’ll see. But he has to. His breath comes in ragged gasps, his vision spotted with white as he stumbles forward. He taps the man’s arm. He struggles to find his voice as if it were never his to begin within. “Did someone get out of the car?” he whispers, broken, pleading. The man shakes his head.

Hyunjin rushes to the window, desperate to find you, to see you breathing, but the glass is tinted, hiding whatever lies inside. Without thinking, he throws his fist against the window. Once. Twice. Again. And again. His skin splits, blood dripping down his knuckles, but he can’t stop. He pounds the glass until it shatters, only to find nothing within.

“Hyunjin?” A voice, so achingly familiar, cuts through the haze. He spins around, breathless, and there you are—limping, disheveled, but alive. You’re breathing.

In an instant, he’s in front of you, his eyes wide, frantic, searching yours as if they behold the answer to every fear, every prayer he has ever uttered. His hand trembles as it cups your cheek, thumb brushing your skin, needing to feel your warmth. His gaze flickers over your body, checking for any trace of life-threatening injury, his heart lodged in his throat.

“Are you okay?” His voice is raw, stripped bare.

“I am,” you reply, and your words are his salvation. A sigh shudders out of him, pulled from the deepest parts of his soul, as if he’s been drowning and you’ve finally pulled him to the surface.

He falls to his knees, palms pressing into the ground. Tears spill from his eyes, hot and heavy, streaking down his face like rain in a storm. You kneel beside him, and his arms instinctively wrap around you, pulling you close.

His fingers weave through your hair, pressing you to him, needing to feel you, needing to know you’re real. His body trembles as he buries his face in your hair, his tears soaking through your shirt, inhaling your scent, grounding himself in you.

“Yn,” he breathes, your name the only thing that could express the magnitude of his relief. He holds you tighter, the words tumbling out like a prayer, “I thought I lost you. My god, I thought I lost you.”

It takes a while for you to process his words, to understand the scale of his fear at the thought of losing you. Those are foreign notions for you, a sight you never thought you’d grasp one day. A sight you never deemed yourself deserving of.

“You’d care this much if I died?” Your voice is a whisper, small, uncertain.

Hyunjin’s bloodied hand smooths your hair, his eyes red, chest heaving. “Yn, I…” He squeezes his eyes shut, voice breaking. “Yn, please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry,” your lower lip quivers at the sight of his tears, somehow seeing him sob leads to your own unraveling, as if your emotions are tied by one red string. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you,” you apologize, you the forgotten one, the ghost in your own home, apologizing because for once, your absence did hurt someone, because for once someone would miss you if you were ever gone.

Hours later, you’re in Hyunjin’s home, tucked into the safety of his bed. You’d refused to call your parents, not wanting them to know what had happened, how close their wish had become reality.

The ambulance had taken you both to the hospital, where they patched Hyunjin’s wounds and checked you for a concussion. You repeated, over and over, like a broken record— “The brakes stopped working, and I jumped out of the car.” Hyunjin spoke for you when you grew tired.

“How are you feeling, Yn?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft, as he hovers over your figure. Your name sounds sweeter from his lips. It sounds as if it was always his to pronounce.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I ruined your night.” Your apology is quiet, but he shakes his head, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. Your eyes shut closed as his lips caress your skin, as if wanting to drown out all the other senses, useless, needing to focus solely on his touch.

“If you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”

He goes to leave, but you catch his hand. You don’t overthink your next words, you think you’re long past that when it comes to him. “You called me by my name. I thought you didn’t remember it.”

“I never forgot,” he says, stepping closer. “I’ve known who you were since the moment I saw you. I… I thought about you a lot for the past four years, Yn. I think about you now too,” a pause, “for different reasons. Sweeter reasons.”

He remembered. He has come to know you and he still thinks of you.

“Me too,” you smile softly, “I think about you so much it feels as if you’re all I’ve ever known,” you confess breathlessly. Your eyes flicker to his lips, and his do the same.

Before you can think, you’re standing on your tiptoes, your lips resting on his, unmoving, driven by a desire so raw it blinded you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You pull away, stumbling back.

But his hands find your waist, pulling you back. “Can I do that again, Yn?” His voice is soft, and you nod, dazed. How could you ever refuse him?

His mouth returns to yours, slow and deliberate, like a melody reuniting with its refrain. Sweetness spills from his lips onto yours, a blend of honey and wildflowers and something that is entirely his. His breath surrounds you, intoxicating, pulling you into a world where all you wish is to melt into him, to slip beneath his skin and flow through his veins.

Fireworks bloom behind your eyelids, explosions of colors you’ve never seen before, as if the universe itself has unraveled in the space between you both. His hands cradle your face, thumbs tracing circles along your cheeks that send a thousand butterflies flapping their wings throughout your being. Your fingers weave into the silk of his hair, a breath of relief escaping you as you touch him the way you’ve longed for.

You’re still kissing him and yet you already ache to do it again, again and again, till you forgive the world every cruelty it has inflicted into you, if it allows you to hold his warmth a little longer, to keep your sun cupped between your palms.

“Is this what happiness feels like?” he murmurs against your lips, a smile threading between your breaths, your teeth grazing his in the closeness. You laugh softly, your foreheads touching softly, “I think it is. It tastes so sweet.”

“Mm, I think I need to taste it again, to make sure,” he teases, his lips finding yours once more, playful and hungry. Time loses its meaning, minutes slipping away like sand grains between your fingers. By the time you part, your heart has memorized the rhythm of his breath and the weight of his lips upon yours, as familiar now as your own pulse.

…

“So, how do we do this?”

Your laughter echoes softly down the corridor. Hyunjin has you pinned against the wall near the skating rink, his right hand braced above your head, the other hovering over your waist—yet, it’s that mere sliver of air between his fingers and your skin that ignites a wildfire within you, burning bright with longing.

“Wouldn’t it be strange if we just walked in, holding hands? I mean, Jihyoun knows me, but…” Your voice drifts away like chimney smoke, dissolving into the background of Hyunjin’s thoughts. He’s no longer listening—he’s observing. Memorizing. His gaze skillfully captures every curve, every shadow of your face, as if this is the last dawn he’ll ever witness. As if, by morning, he’ll be blind, and this moment is his only chance to engrave you into his memory.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes, his voice soft, almost reverent. Your words falter, fading like the final notes of a song only he remembers. He leans in, his lips brushing your cheek with a tenderness that paints your skin crimson red.

He smirks, satisfied by the effect—perhaps, he thinks, that is how the sun feels as it kisses the horizon goodnight, leaving the sky a blushing mess.

“You were saying?” he teases, and you roll your eyes, pretending to be exasperated. “I was saying that it would be—“ But his lips find yours once more, plucking the words from your tongue like petals from a flower.

In the dim glow of the corridor, the world around you fades to an afterthought. It feels as though you exist only for this, only for him— to kiss and to be kissed by Hyunjin.

“Finally!” Jihyoun’s voice shatters the moment, ringing out like a bell, pulling you both apart. “Thank you for kissing him, Yn. Now he’ll stop with the longing stares at the door.”

“What stares?” you laugh, the sound bubbling sweetly up your throat. Hyunjin scratches the nape of his neck, shrugging innocently when your eyes meet, as if he has no idea what Jihyoun is talking about (though he knows all too well).

Hyunjin catches his coach’s eye over your shoulder, a wide smile tugging at his lips. Jihyoun once told him that he seems to bloom around you, like a flower starved of sunlight, finally nourished. The thought warms him—knowing that the people closest to him feel your presence like a balm to his soul. His mother would have loved you too, he’s certain of it.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Hyunjin whispers later, as you’re leaving the practice building, his arm draped over your shoulder, yours wrapped around his waist. Natural. Familiar. Like two rivers flowing into one.

“I don’t have anything of mine there,” you pout, and Hyunjin stops, cupping your cheek, his nose grazing yours in a gesture so tender it makes your heart float within your ribcage. “That’s part of my secret plan—to get you in my clothes.”

“Oh, what a very secretive plan,” you giggle, stealing a quick kiss. “And what would we do tonight?”

“Sleep together.” You raise an eyebrow, and he shakes his head, flushing crimson. “I mean—sleep, actual sleep, not that I wouldn’t want to make love to you,” Your laughter rings out, as his forehead finds its hiding place against your shoulder, embarrassed. “I just want to hold you close. That’s all.”

Your sweet Hyunjin.

“I want that too, Hyune.”

Hyunjin has never been much of a writer, his forté has always been to express himself with his body, spell out words out of the movement of his limbs. It is more evident as he opens the door to his apartment, with you trailing behind. As he looks at both your shoes sitting side by side near the entrance, your accessories resting next to his in the bathroom.

He lacks the words to explain how right, how natural it feels for him to have you in his space, for you to fill it with the music of your voice and the fragrance of your perfume. As if it has always been his reality, to walk home with you, to watch you slip into his clothes, to brush his teeth next to you, to lay atop the bed with your warm eyes staring at him instead of a cold wall.

“Do you believe in fate?” you suddenly ask, your thumb trailing alongside his neck, pausing right where his pulse beats. He has never been aware of the weight of life against his skin until he knew you.

“I never did, I didn’t want to believe in something pre-written for me. Wouldn’t that confine who I am, who I could be?” he muses and you nod softly, inching closer to him. “But somewhat,” he trails off, lifting your hand to his mouth, peepering the sweetest kisses alongside your palm and wrist, like dewdrops caressing leaves. “I believe in it now, because of you.”

“I think I was meant to find you that day in the graveyard. I think what I feel for you is too grand to be a pure coincidence,” he confesses.

“And what do you feel for me?” you ask, your voice soft, curious.

Hyunjin doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he gently twirls a strand of your hair away from your eyes, before tucking it behind the cuff of your ear. He presses his forehead to yours, like two pages of a book meeting one another, then he exhales slowly, like a man who has found peace after a lifetime of searching.

And in a way, he has. He can stop looking frantically for something that would stitch his soul up, he has found you, now.

“I used to resent hearing my own heartbeat. At times it felt like a punishment, because existing felt like a chore. I wanted the sound to quiet down, I didn’t want to hear anything, nor feel anything anymore.”

“But now,” he pulls you closer, your legs intertwining with his, like roots seeking comfort in one another, “it’s reassuring to hear, because it means there is still life within me to love you in it.”

Love. The word has long felt like a thorn ingrained into your skin. You have always recoiled from it, less from repulse and more in fear— if the people who were put on this earth to love you, didn’t, then weren’t you meant to remain unloved for the rest of your life?

But looking at Hyunjin now, at the way the word rests gently on his lips, rolls off his tongue with such ease, with such certainty, you don’t want to run.

You want to stay.

It is when Hyunjin traces maps along your skin with his lips, as you drift down the constellations of moles on his chest, as you find yourself lost within everything that makes up his being— his scent, his sounds, the weight of him pressed against you— that you find your words to reply, to breathe your first I love you to him.

And in that confession, another realization comes, though this one is bitter, sour, like a chilling premonition: if Hyunjin were ever to leave, what would be left of you after?

…

Hyunjin has never been fond of the concept of time, minutes seemed to march differently when it came to him— seconds stretching out like thin threads, nights unraveling in restless turns, sleep plucked right off from his eyelids.

But with you, time softened, as the hours spun forward, swift and gentle. Around you, Hyunjin no longer felt the weight of passing days on his heart.

Hyunjin didn’t feel the two months of happiness you bestowed upon him slipping from his grasp.

He was lost, adrift in the gentle tides of your being—swept by the melody of your laughter, cradled by the softness of your curves. He often wondered if he was deserving of this happiness, yet never lingered long enough to find an answer. He selfishly accepted the joy you gifted him, for once.

Your belongings filled the empty nooks of his apartment gradually, corner by corner—your satin pajamas settling just above his plaid ones, your skincare nestled near his on the bathroom shelf, your favorite mug clinking against his in the dishwasher.

In some way, it mirrored how you’d seeped into him, like sunlight breaking through the longest of nights— threads of the sun illuminating what was once lost to darkness.

He’d steady your chin to help with your mascara, your doe eyes looking up into his. You’d brush his hair, pressing gentle kisses along his shoulder blades. He’d do your laundry. You’d make his coffee each morning. He’d brew your tea each night.

You didn’t have much time to talk during the day, both of you engrossed in the practice of your respective arts. Yet, the knowledge that you were just a floor above him, close if he ever wished to see you, was enough to soothe his heart.

It was at night that you bared yourselves to each other, in ways that went beyond the tender grip of his hands on your waist, or the slow trail of your fingers down the curve of his back.

In the hush of the twilight, you’d unfold softly, revealing the hidden layers within—you’d share your dreams and hopes, and the moments that shaped you, letting the fragments of your pasts settle in the safety between you both.

“I think I know my purpose now,” you whispered one night, and he hummed, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. “What is it?”

“I think I kept ballet at a distance because loving it felt like surrendering to my parents’ dreams, like I’d be becoming what they always wanted me to be.” You paused, your voice a little softer, a little braver. “But I do love it, Hyunjin. I want to be the best at it. I want to honor my sister through it.”

His gaze softened, as a tender smile blossomed in his lips. “You already do.”

Some nights were less sweet, tangled with heavy grief and unshed tears, yet it felt easier to walk through them if you were there holding his hand.

“Would you go into her room with me?” he asked quietly one night, his gaze locked on his mother’s bedroom, its door sealed for a decade. He had never dared to enter it once more, afraid it would further cement the notion that she was gone.

That truth felt easier to confront with you near.

“Of course,” you replied softly. “Whatever you need.”

The room was just as he remembered, only stuffier with dust and heartache. Time hung in the air, dense and unmoving, clutching at her last moments alive, unwilling to let go.

He looked to the bed, and he could almost see the shape of her there, frail and thin, her clothes too loose over a body worn out with sickness.

You held him close, steadying him as he took in each familiar corner: their photos framed with gold on the desk, her countless medals hung on the wall, her perfume and hairbrush untouched on the vanity, her rings resting in a small seashell container.

He walked slowly to the vanity, his fingers reaching for the ring he had loved most—a thin band of gold, crowned with a small emerald, dulled by time. Gently, he wiped away the dust with his shirt, before turning to you and slipping it onto your finger.

“Keep it,” he whispered. “It will live again through you.”

In the days that followed, you helped him breathe light and air into the room once more, sweeping dust from the framed certificates and photographs, polishing the medals until they shimmered as they once had. You washed the linens and her clothes, packing them carefully for a donation to cancer wards—something he never found the courage to do, until now.

Grief no longer felt like a knife lodged into his heart, its metal rusting with the passing of time. He saw its true face now—a soft ache, a quiet longing, a thicket of thorns that can only grow from the roots of love.

Your voice floated in his mind that night, echoing like the bells of a long standing cathedral. “your mom loved you, hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hands to be warm”— would want you to be happy.

Happiness swept into Hyunjin like an endless, gnawing hunger—an insatiable ache that demanded to be fed. He was ravenous for joy, longing to sink his teeth into it, dip his tongue into its sweetness and let it spill all over him.

When an exoneree tastes freedom after decades of longing, it is the small breeze, the waves lapping hungrily at his bare feet that make his heart twitch. So it was with Hyunjin: the small joys swelled within his ribcage, vast and boundless. His heart strained against his chest, eager to burst free and feel it all.

Somehow, Hyunjin’s biggest joy came from watching you dance— the principal dancer of your competition team. Whenever he had a break, he’d choose to slip away from the ice rink and climb the stairs at a hurried speed, slip into the dancing studio and sit in the corner.

There, he’d watch you, leading the group of dancers you’ll perform with. You stood in the center, beckoning the attention of everyone around. Beautiful, so beautiful.

How foolish of him it was to try to deny it. How foolish of him to think that there was any outcome but to fall for you.

You always caught his eye across the mirror, your face breaking out in a wide grin, as you waved shyly at him, the strictness melting off your features and morphing into something warm. He felt special in a way, to be the sole recipient of such a breathtaking smile. He felt as if he could write hundreds of poems about that alone.

That smile feels even more precious as you stand on stage at the Seoul International ballet competition, seconds before the light would turn on and you’d begin dancing. In the split second of darkness, it is him your eyes sought after in the crowd, it is him you wink at, before switching into your professional mode.

You aren’t as nervous as he expected you to be. Somehow your facade only slipped when five minutes before the stage you beckoned hyunjin in for a hug. “Do you need anything?” he asked as he kissed your temple softly, tightening his hold on you.

“I just need to hug you for a minute. It helps me calm down.”

Hyunjin had always known you were a stellar ballerina. You were humble with your achievements, speaking of your art as if you don’t have years of practice to attest to your expertise, as if you hadn’t gotten acclaims nationally and internationally.

Still, seeing you on stage made a different pride bloom in his heart. You are the rightful star of the night, the swan of ballet as the media had dubbed you— delicate with your movements, spreading your arms like the unfurling of their feathers, spinning delicately into the air with a grace that made his breath catch in his throat. You were mesmerizing.

You didn’t simply move, or dance, that would be too simplistic to encapsulate how you breathed life into this art. Into him.

And it is hyunjin’s arms that you run into, scurrying down the stage steps, an overflowing bouquet in your right hand and a gleaming trophy held tightly in the other.

“You won, my love,” he shouts, ecstatic as you throw your arms around his neck, as he cradles your waist, spinning you around like how he always orbits around you.

He puts you down, leaning in to kiss you with no second thought, your eyes closed as you savor one another, as your lips move as if commanded by the stars, to part only to meet again, and again. Till your cheeks are both flushed and all he can taste is the strawberry in your lip tint.

Your eyes lock on his, your pupils widening till they swallow your irises, mirroring your breathtaking grin. Hyunjin felt as if the sun had left the sky and lodged within his chest.

But what Hyunjin failed to understand is that, for souls like his, happiness is only a fleeting passenger. Even then, it isn’t meant to be swallowed whole; it is to be eaten bite by bite, back hunched, hidden from the harsh glare of the universe. Perhaps this is the price he pays for defying the sadness that shadows him—his own eager canines sinking into joy, ultimately tearing it apart.

…

“I think I’ll go to Switzerland.”

It takes a few seconds for Hyunjin’s words to settle into your mind, for the syllables to unfurl slowly, like a wave gathering its strength before inevitably crashing on the shore.

Once, Hyunjin had spoken of a figure skating center in Switzerland, one that Jihyoun praised endlessly—the pinnacle for skaters reaching toward gold.

“Will you go?” you’d asked, and he’d only shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.” The conversation had dissolved then, lost in the press of his body against yours, in the paths his fingers traced down your stomach— dizzying enough to make you forget the sound of your own name.

But you should have known—some things cannot be buried beneath the covers. They always resurface, haunting, inevitable.

You draw in a deep breath, your gaze settling on your congratulatory bouquet. The flowers have started to wither now, despite the sugar cube Hyunjin dropped in the water.

Were they a trigger for the slow withering of your relationship, too? Did the fall of that first petal set the course for your own undoing?

“Okay,” you nod, biting your lip anxiously. “When will you go?”

“In three days. Or else I’ll miss the deadline to join.”

Oh.

You remain silent, feeling as though barbed wire coils around your throat, each metal spike pressing deep into your flesh. He steps closer, his warm hands cradling your cheeks. It takes you a few seconds to meet his gaze.

You suddenly imagine a life untouched by him. The thought fills you with a horrible urge to weep.

“I know it’s sudden,” he murmurs, voice low, “I tried to delay it as long as I could, but Jihyoun kept insisting, saying it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I don’t want you to feel abandoned.”

You shake your head, as if to push that thought away, as if the notion itself is meaningless.

“I’ve always known we wouldn’t stay in the same place forever. I have to go back to Juilliard soon, too. I just… never thought it would happen this fast.” You sigh softly, a tender smile slipping across your face as you bring your hands up to cup his cheeks. “But you’re meant for grand things, Hyunjin. If Switzerland is where you’ll find them, then I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“I love you,” he whispers, his nose brushing against yours, a gentle, aching gesture. “We’ll make it work, right?”

He searches your eyes, pleading, his brows drawn into a worried knot.

“Of course, we will.”

It is the first time you lie to Hyunjin.

“I love you,” he repeats, gripping your waist and lifting you onto the counter.

“I’ve only known love thanks to you,” you murmur. That much is true.

Hyunjin kisses you with hunger, his hand tangled in your hair, his body moving with a fierce rhythm—passion and love dripping from each one of his touches, each one of his spilled i love you’s between broken whimpers and moans.

He loves you tonight like he has something to prove. As if his fingertips must be etched upon your skin, as if his name should be the one carved deep within you, the one found if you were split open to your soul.

Lying against his bare chest, you feel his breath rise and fall beneath you, the tip of his fingers sketching aimlessly upon your skin. Yet, you sense as if there is already a rift between you both. As if the news of his living has seeped between your bodies— the distance has already laid its claim, separating you both.

…

You’re back in New York, slipping into the rhythm of your classes like a puzzle piece wedged into place, not quite fitting, yet you force it to. You spend each waking moment practicing your final dance at Juilliard—The Sleeping Beauty—the ballet that will close this chapter of your life.

Your apartment has remained unchanged; the conversations with your classmates are as futile as ever. And your heart still pulses, aches for Seoul, for the warmth you found there, in Hyunjin.

Winter settles in, snow gathering in quiet drifts along the streets. Two languid months slip by, time dragging its feet, as if too wishing to remain right where you left Hyunjin. You lose yourself in the pursuit of a perfect performance. And yet, the praise of your professors and peers no longer fills you as it once did.

It all feels hollow, empty, when you can’t remember the last time you and Hyunjin spoke, actually spoke, the way you used to.

You’d already seen this scene unfold in your mind the day he broke the news—more vividly still as he walked away in the airport. You had known the first few days would be good—frequent calls and texts, sharing the smallest details of his new life and of your familiar one.

But then, the silence would settle in, as it has. Because you and Hyunjin are both perfectionists. Because without your art, both of you are left with nothing but shadows of yourselves— hollow shells calling out in agony to what truly pleases your souls.

You’re afraid to say it out loud, but Hyunjin’s face is blurring in your memory, details softening as though sketched by an impressionist’s brush. All that remains clear are the shadows under his eyes on your last video call, dark circles carved deep into his soft skin, his exhaustion bleeding through the screen as he struggled to stay awake for you.

There is no one to blame, and somehow, that only hurts you even more. You could sacrifice your hours of practice, and so could he. But then the guilt would come, ravenous, gnawing at your soul. And guilt is a hungry being, soon enough it won’t be satiated by you. Soon enough it will turn to your love for Hyunjin.

And you couldn’t afford that.

You miss him most on days like this, when nothing seems right from the moment you open your eyes. The city’s chill feels sharper, as though mocking you, reminding you of the warmth you left behind.

The wind bites as you step into the night, wandering aimlessly, your feet carrying you to nowhere in particular. Tears hover at the edge of your lashes, but you refuse to let them fall.

There’s no grace in the way you don’t allow yourself to cry, no mercy in how you hold yourself together. You've always been a performer, haven’t you? Even your pain feels like a scene you must perfect. Is it tragic enough? Does it carve deep enough to justify being felt?

You bite your lip, numb fingers pulling out your phone. You type out Hyunjin’s contact— my love. Your last message to him was two days ago.

With a sigh, you press call. He answers on the final ring.

“Hi, my angel,” he says, a bit breathless. Probably mid-training.

You force a smile, hoping he won’t hear the tremble in your voice. “Hi, baby. Practicing?”

“Yeah.” He hums. “Are you outside?”

“Im going for a walk.” Your voice quiets as the lump in your throat tightens, a chain wrapping around your words, binding you.

“Are you okay, my love?” he asks gently, and you nod though he can’t see.

“I am,” you lie. “I just miss you.” The confession slips out before you can stop it, and the weight of it crushes you. You miss him so much it’s killing you.

“I miss you too,” he says softly. You feel like throwing up. You have to make it quick before your courage betrays you.

“I think we should end things,” you say quickly, biting down so hard on your lip that blood beads up, sharp and metallic on your tongue— just like your words.

“What?” he whispers, and you hear his faint apologies, the rustle as he moves to someplace quieter, someplace where you can break his heart without an audience.

“Why do you want this? Don’t you love me anymore?” His voice is small, fragile, and you feel the tears welling in your eyelids, but not yet.

“You know there’s no one I love but you,” you say, drawing in a breath that doesn’t wish to be trapped by you. “But we’re both so busy it barely feels like we’re together anymore.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby, I’ll try to text more, I promise. I’ll cut back on my training for you, I’ll—.”

“You know I’d never ask that of you.” You cut him off, smiling sadly and he falls quiet.

You see him then, in a haze of memory—Hyunjin’s head resting in your lap, your fingers lost in his hair. You hear his voice again, soft and raw, “My mom’s last wish for me was to win that gold medal. I’m terrified of letting her down. Just thinking about it—” He’d let out a humorless laugh. “She isn’t here, and yet I still feel this debt to her. Isn’t that strange?”

You know it well—the pain of failing those you love, even those who don’t love you back.

“Your mom wanted you to win that medal, didn’t she?” you say softly. “I would never come between you and that.” A pause. “But doesn’t it hurt more to wait for a message that never comes?”

“I…” he stammers, a sniffle slipping through the phone, and it nearly undoes you.

“Yn, I- you know that I love you.”

And in that instant, you know he understands. It’s because Hyunjin understands that you love him.

“I love you too, my Hyune.”

“Then don’t say this,” he chokes out, “say something cruel—something that’ll make it easier not to miss you so much when you’re gone.”

You can hear him crying, and the sound permanently breaks a rib within your heart. It sounds so raw, so painful that you wish to abandon everything and run to him. Had life not been this harsh to you, perhaps you would. Perhaps you’d have enough courage to believe that love can suffice for everything.

“I came back to Seoul because my mother was sick. I thought…maybe it would bring us close again. But I think now that I came back just to meet you, Hyunjin.” His name falters, slipping from your lips in a stuttered breath.

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice cracking, “thank you for making me happy.”

The call ends, and you fall to your knees in the snow, finally surrendering to the grief tearing through you. Sobs wrack your body, raw and relentless, so fierce it feels as if your heart might just stop, as if you’ve become nothing but an ache, a bruised, throbbing mass of memories, pulsing with each thought of him.

Is this enough for you? you want to scream at whatever cruel hand pulling the strings of your fate. Has my suffering finally paid the debt of my existence— for both me and him?

…

You’ve come to understand that the expanse of human emotions is boundless, as vast and unknowable as the space that holds the universe. And with each passing day, it feels as if another star dies within you, its light dimming slowly, far from rebirth.

You once thought your heart had grown accustomed to grief—your life spent in mourning: parents you wished you had, love you wished had dared, even just once, to find you.

But mourning the happiness Hyunjin brought is something else. It’s a different kind of ache, not like the eruption of a volcano that fades into a quiet resigning. This pain lingers, dull and relentless, day after day, a wound that refuses to close, a pulse that never stills.

It has been a month since your fateful call. Hyunjin first sent you a bouquet of white roses, with a note nestled within—To the one who made me find love again, I will love you until my last breath.

You didn’t reply, but Hyunjin kept sending bouquets, each one arriving with a message that tore at your heart a little more than the last. I am thinking about you often; please think of me, too. As if you could do anything but that. If I am to exist in only one place, let it be in your mind.

You’ve hung each note on the fridge, their words staring back at you every morning as you make your coffee, exactly the way Hyunjin likes it.

Sometimes, you’d let the water run, overflowing in the coffee maker as you read his words again and again. Then, you’d catch a glimpse of your own distorted reflection on the water’s surface, wondering what it would feel like to drown in the sea, to let the liquid fill your lungs and wash over you.

But you never let the thought linger too long, chasing it away with the hum of a song. You know it will only lead you somewhere scary.

After three, maybe four months, the bouquets eventually stopped arriving. Hyunjin had surely grown tired of your silence.

The heart is no rigid thing; it doesn’t stay frozen in one place. It stretches and contracts, bleeds, then patches itself together again. But you hadn’t done much to heal it—truthfully, you hadn’t believed you deserved to feel good once more.

Then month five came, and there was no time left to dwell on anything. A strange relief, you thought, for a mind like yours, that never quite stops turning, even in sleep. Graduation loomed on the horizon, and you were terrified of your efforts going to waste, of them somehow never being enough to set you apart.

But one night, your professor placed her hand on your shoulder, her gaze warm as it met yours. Suddenly, you felt seven years old again. “I think you could be this generation’s prima ballerina assoluta, she said—absolute first ballerina, the best of the best.

“Really?” you whispered, hardly breathing, and she nodded. “Yes, if you keep going this way, you will be.”

You thought about calling Hyunjin to share the news, but quickly brushed the thought aside. Instead, you spent the night picturing his reaction. It was pathetic, maybe, but you liked to believe he would’ve said he was proud of you, called you angel, kissed the tip of your nose, his eyes crinkling into half-moons. You fell asleep with his words murmured on your lips, as if they’d been real.

Month six rolled in, then seven. You had been keeping tabs on Hyunjin’s name as the Olympics approached. There has been news of him wanting to attempt a quadruple axel spin— forty-four years after the triple one. An automatic win, some would say.

You knew that if anyone could do it would be hyunjin.

You wondered if he too read the articles released about your performances. Did he smile at them, his sweet dimple surging forth? Or did your name sting him, like droplets of acid falling into an open wound?

Month eight arrived, genuine joy weaving into your life once more. You took your final bow on the polished stage of Juilliard, the roaring applause ringing in your ears for days to come. You had the highest performance score of the history of the institution. Your professor’s eyes then searched yours— “where do you see yourself now? where would you feel happiest?”

Hyunjin’s arms. You almost said. Barely holding yourself.

“I don’t know. I think I’ll try at operas. I want to perform the white swan there.”

“Then go to opéra garnier in Paris. I have a friend there. Talk to him, feel it out.”

You had almost kissed her cheek right there and then. Not only because the Opéra Garnier had been your childhood dream but because now, Paris was where the Olympics would be held.

You now had an excuse to be there.

You kept looking for Hyunjin in every monument you visited. In the hush of night by the Louvre, along the quiet flow of the Seine, in the gentle strokes of Monet’s paintings at Musée de l’Orangerie. What would you do if you met him on a random street in Paris?

Thankfully, or unfortunately, you still hadn’t decided, you never had to find out. You didn’t see him.

It is the men’s singles day at the figure skating Olympics, and somehow, you feel more nervous than in all your own performances combined. You’re seated close to the ice, close enough to feel the chill radiating from it, close enough to capture every detail of the performances.

Then Hyunjin steps onto the ice. If not for your seat, you might have collapsed, your knees a mass of useless ground bones.

He’s dazzling—achingly, excruciatingly beautiful. His hair falls longer now, delicate strands brushing his forehead like a prince out of a fairytale. His outfit is pure white, adorned with emerald diamonds cascading like droplets of light. Instinctively, you reach for the emerald ring on your finger too.

Your gaze follows him everywhere, drinking in the sight of him tipping his head back in laughter, his nose crinkling as he talks to Jihyoun, every stretch, every step, every quiet act of his being.

He was still as lovely, still as beautiful as you have always known him.

You wonder if he’s thinking of you, too, as his eyes flutter shut before his music begins. What image knits behind his eyelids in that instant?

It has always been his face for you.

The air buzzes with anticipation, thick with belief and doubt alike as everyone knows what Hyunjin is attempting tonight. All eyes follow him as he skates, tracing wide circles across the ice, bending low to the ground, spinning in perfect arcs.

Then, he launches into the air.

The seconds seem to trickle by as slowly as blood droplets rushing to a dying heart. You see it— one spin, planets orbiting around the sun, aching to inch closer to the warmth.

Two spins— seconds marching forward to catch up with the next ones in a ticking clock.

Your breath freezes in your throat, your hands grip the chair so much your knuckles turn as white as the roses hyunjin sent you after you parted ways.

Three spins— fireflies dancing around the light, drawn to it like milky stars.

And then he does it.

His fourth and final spin— your heart orbiting around Hyunjin as he achieves his dream, as he breaks the world record he long yearned for.

You fall back in your seat, a rush of relief loosening the tension in your body as the crowd erupts into thunderous applause. Unbelievable is the word on everyone’s mouths.

But not on yours.

Your Hyunjin did it, like you knew he would.

Tears gather in your eyes as he stares at the scoreboard, his gaze fixed, waiting, breath held alongside every other skater.

Hyunjin’s name comes first.

He collapses to his knees, the weight of his victory pressing down his body, finally breaking him open. Jihyoun rushes over, cradling him, shaking him, laughing, “You did it, Hyunjin! You did it, son!” The tears won’t stop rushing down your face; they have a life of their own now.

You watch as Hyunjin circles the audience, waving at the crowd cheering his name. He drifts closer to your section, his eyes scanning the sea of faces until, finally, he finds yours.

The world stills, you force the earth to stop spinning to have this one moment with Hyunjin. You lock onto his gaze, holding it, savoring the way his lips form your name.

Then, as if pulled by a force greater than either of you, he climbs over the stands, moving swiftly across the seats until he reaches you. In an instant, his arms are around you, his head buried in the crook of your neck. “Yn, I…” he chokes, and you nod, whispering, “I know. You did it, Hyunjin.”

“I did it, Yn,” he echoes, his voice trembling. He pulls back to look at you, his hands resting on your shoulders, both oblivious to the flash of cameras, the seas of people flocking around you.

No one here could ever understand what this moment means to him. No one but him—and you.

As he takes his place on the podium, tears shimmer in Hyunjin’s eyes akin to the reflection of the sun across the sea. He bites his lip, struggling to hold it together as the bronze and silver medals are awarded. Then the official steps forward, gold medal in hand. Hyunjin extends his shaking hands, watching as the ribbon drapes over his head, at long last.

Suddenly, the past eight months of heartache are justified. You would endure it all again, twice over, if it led to Hyunjin having this moment.

“Miss Juilliard,” Hyunjin says softly as he meets you by the door. He had asked Jihyoun to tell you to wait for him. Jihyoun seemed happy to see you once more.

Hyunjin is different now than he was twenty minutes ago, when he threw himself into your arms, overcome by emotions too vast to name. Now, he stands before you, more composed, more guarded, though his gaze remains tender. He’s never been able to hide his eyes from you.

“Congratulations on your win,” you say.

“Congratulations on your graduation.”

He knows.

In that moment, you see it all—the two paths unfurling before you. You could smile at him and he would smile back. Then you would part ways. And you would meet again, in a ceremony of some kind. And he would have grown only more beautiful, and the ache would have not softened. And his loving gaze would set on someone else but you.

Or, you could speak now.

“I made some tiramisu back at my Airbnb,” you say, your voice tentative. “Would you like some?”

Hyunjin’s shoulders stiffen, a debate flickering in his eyes. Then he exhales softly. “Of course.”

You sit side by side in the uber. His phone keeps lighting up with congratulatory messages until he switches it off.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, feeling the need to break the silence. He tenses beside you.

“For what?”

“For stealing you away.”

His shoulders relax. “Don’t apologize. I wanted to come.”

The apartment you rented is small—studio-sized, really, but near Montmartre, where you’ve loved taking nightly walks by Sacré Coeur. Hyunjin slips off his shoes, placing them next to yours by the door.

For a moment, you both pause, staring at the sight of your shoes, side by side, once more.

He clears his throat as you gesture for him to make himself comfortable. He moves to the window, gazing at the city below, while you retrieve two plates, carefully setting a slice of tiramisu on each.

“Thank you,” he says softly when you hand him his plate. But neither of you takes a bite. It’s as if opening your mouth would lead to a torrent of words escaping, ones neither of you can contain.

He yields first.

“You came,” he whispers, glancing over at you.

“I couldn’t miss seeing you win.”

“I missed you,” he says, biting his lip. Hyunjin has always been honest, especially when it comes to you. “It hurt a lot to miss you, Yn.”

“I’m here tonight.”

Your words settle into the air as the hum of the world outside fades away. Hyunjin’s gaze, sharp and knowing, meets yours—those piercing eyes that have always stripped away your defenses, reading between the lines of your every unspoken thought.

He holds your gaze for a beat too long, and you fumble for your fork, needing something—anything—to diffuse the weight of what lingers in the silence between you.

Then, suddenly, his lips meet yours.

Kissing Hyunjin again feels like breathing in after being starved of air, like a cool breeze caressing your skin on a scorching day. A shiver spreads through you as he gently lowers you onto the couch, his body a pressing weight above you. Your hands find their way to his back, moving with the instinctive ease of muscle memory, while he kisses you with the fierce urgency of someone who’s finally tasted salvation.

You wish to never part from him. You wish for your body to liquefy and morph into the hot rush of blood within his veins— anything so you wouldn’t have to part from him once more. You don’t think you can handle it. You don’t think you can lose Hyunjin again. You know you can’t.

When he pulls back, his cheeks are flushed a soft pink, like fresh dahlias, his eyes glossy and filled with something unspeakable as they trace over your face. “Tell me, Yn,” he breathes, “do you still love me? I need to know, please. It’s been tearing me apart.”

“I love you,” you say, with every bit of honesty you can muster. “I loved you before I even knew what love is, and I will love you, Hyunjin. Whether you are near or not. I will always love you.”

A breathtaking smile unfolds across his face, warm enough to thaw every frozen corner of your heart, to make decades of loneliness melt away. You would endure it all again, face the heartbreak and the grief. Fall at your sister’s grave and repent once more. You’d do it all if it means your path will cross with Hyunjin.

“I was always ever yours to love.”

Epilogue.

Hyunjin has always felt as if he has lived many lifetimes at once. Like a serpent, shedding its skin, he had lost parts of his being in various places. Some he managed to retrieve, others not. He had a lot to learn, overwhelmed by certain things past. His thoughts weren’t always kind. His hands didn’t always sweep gently against his skin.

But on days like those, you were there to love him. He had learned and unlearned many things with you. Hyunjin had found that love wasn’t a sharp emotion, it didn’t slice away at the heart, it didn’t puncture. There were no sharp edges when it came to you. Even if he lost you along the way, he would round up a corner and find you there.

And he did. Hyunjin found you, even when you didn’t wish to be found. You scurried from place to place, set foot into Paris to Seoul, Alexandria and New York. The distance lessened then widened. But it never tore you apart once more. Your souls were satiated in a way. You could rest side by side now.

And you did, as you settled in Seoul, decades down the road. Where both you and Hyunjin built a new training center. Figure skaters on the first floor, ballerinas on the second. The days passed by in happiness, laughter and giggles. There was no curse. No punishment. Not anymore.

You believe them, and you will wait. For now, you’ll find solace in the red lilies sitting atop your grave.

They are now meant for you, at long last.

#I want to say more but #This chem chapter is calling out to me like no other #Ilysm i hope you know that #Big big kisses to my favorite author #Like I’m not even joking #You could lowkey be a full time author/director if you wished to do so #Because to make art is one thing #And to make a person so involved and dedicated to reading is another thing #And you’ve achieved both #I’m telling you SAHAR. You’re so talented and don’t let your mind or someone else tell you otherwise

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scratchandfriends · 2 days ago

Text

In Need of a Healer (+18)

Pairing: Halsin x Female Tav

WC: 2200

Summary: You accidentally mix up your mushrooms when trying to make a potion and it goes horribly wrong. Or... not so horribly, in the grand scheme of things?

Content Warnings: SMUT! Huuuge breeding kink, aphrodisiac situation, no bear :( big dick Halsin, unprotected sex, a smidge of dirty talk, maybe a little pregnancy kink Halsin at the end but who knows hes 400 years old, creampies.

— —

Halsin sat under the pallid moonlight, back against the outside of his tent, humming contentedly as he whittled yet another small duck. A little smile decorated his chiseled face as he marveled at the way his craft looked in the pale starlight. The only thing he could hear was his own humming, the soft scrape of his knife against the wooden duck, and the soft chirping of crickets in the tall grass surrounding the camp.

The peaceful sounds of a night at camp were eventually broken by hurried footsteps heading quickly towards his tent.

Tav rounded the large tree that Halsin had set up his tent next to and was breathing heavily. She quickly came to a stop and let out a long sigh.

“Oh, thank the gods you’re still up!”

“Ah, Tav. A pleasure to see you on this beautiful night. How are you?” He looked up at her panting form and smiled. She seemed distraught and uncomfortable.

“Been better actually.. but, um, how are.. you?” She asks, trying desperately to be polite but Halsin could tell there was something wrong. “I like your duck. Is that a new one?” Tav says between heavy breaths, like she had just run several miles.

“Yes, it’s a canvasback duck. Very interesting species as it lives in both fresh and salt waters.” Halsin explains as he holds up his whittled figuring.

“Right yes. Very cool.” Tav hurriedly spits out.

“I can tell you aren’t here to discuss my hobbies, Tav. You seem… a bit perturbed. Anything I can help with?” Halsin asks.

“Gods, yes. Or at least I hope… Can we talk… inside your tent?” Tav says as she turns her head around briefly, looking at the last light of the fire and wondering if anyone else was still up and about. “It’s… kind of embarrassing…”

“Of course.” Halsin rises to his feet to hold the curtain of his tent open for her to enter ahead of him. She quickly ducks inside.

Halsin gestures for her to sit on his makeshift mattress as he sits down on the stool at his desk littered with herbs and potions.

“What’s ailing you? Your face seems flushed. Do you feel feverish at all?” Halsin says as he gets a better look at Tav, seated on his bedroll with their legs crossed, illuminated by the candlelight.

Tav sighs. She looks down at her hands in her lap and wrings them uncomfortably.

“Yes! I’m so warm!” Tav exclaims. “Okay so… I wanted to convince these squirrels to put on these little hats and ride on Scratch like a pony because I thought it would be cute, but I realized I was out of animal speech potions and I was trying to whip one up but I realized I used the wrong herb…. But Astarion said it would be fine! He gave the mushrooms to me after all!”

Halsin chuckled.

“A noble endeavor indeed. I would like to have seen that.”

“And so the elixir looked fine, but I drank it and now I… I don’t feel so good…” Tav says quietly, but Halsin could hear the fear and worry in her voice.

“Hmm… I see. Other than the flush and fever, do you have any other symptoms?” The druid asks, looking her over.

“Well my skin, it has chicken-skin all over that won’t go away… and I can’t stop sweating… and well… there’s this painful ache…” She trails off. “Can I just show you?”

“Please do.” Halsin nods.

Without warning, Tav strips her clothes off leaving her just in her underthings. She settles back on the bedroll and spreads her legs shyly. Once her knees were parted, it was very obvious to Halsin what the ache she was describing was. The gusset of her cloth panties showed a drenched patch covering her sex, the wet fabric sticking desperately to her meaty outer lips.

“Aahh…” Halsin mused as he looked over Tav’s trembling body. “My assumptions were correct, it seems.”

“Your assumptions? And what were those, exactly? Speak plainly, will I survive?” Tav sits up on her elbows and presses her knees together again.

“You must have used black mushrooms instead of acorn truffles. Similar in appearance, but very different in alchemical composition.” Halsin states as he flips through one of the books littering his desk. “I smelled your pheromones before you even appeared in front of my tent. Instead of the potion of animal speaking, you drank a potion of animal breeding.”

“I bed your finest pardon? Shit, I mean beg! I beg your finest pardon?!” Tav becomes increasingly irritated and frustrated by the druid’s casual manner of speaking.

“Yes, commonly used by ranch hands in order to increase the offspring output of their flocks, it drastically increases the heat cycle in mammals. I’ve never seen or heard of the effects of it on humans, but it seems it works the same.” Halsin replies, standing from the stool at his desk and approaching his bedroll where Tav laid.

“So? Is there a cure, an antidote of some kind?” Tav pants.

“Not that I know of. I know the effects subside once the animal has been mated, but I can’t say for certain how to dissolve the effects in a humanoid creature.”

Tav groans and reaches her hand between her clenched thighs, clearly too far gone from the effects of the potion to care about modesty. Halsin sees her wrist flick desperately, but there was no relief on her face… he can’t help but find himself growing erect at the sight of her barely covered, sweaty body writhing in his bed.

“You’re in pain… there might be a way I can help…” Halsin says softly, his eyes searching Tav’s pleading ones.

“Anything. Help me, please.” Tav huffs out through gritted teeth.

“I can… try to alleviate the pain through the intended means… If you’ll allow it.” Halsin’s eyes dart from Tav’s gaze to her hard nipples peaking through her bra and back to her face again.

“You mean.. you’d fuck me? You think it would work?”

“I can’t guarantee it, but I’m happy to give it a try.” Halsin replies with a soft smile.

Tav thinks for a moment before sitting up fully and ripping her bra over her head and tossing it to the floor of Halsin’s tent.

“Gods yes, I’ll do anything.” Tav shimmies her panties down her legs and throws them to join her discarded bra. “Do you need me to, you know… touch you a bit? To get things going?” She says sheepishly.

“Hah, no..” Halsin chuckles. “Seeing you in my bed like this has made me harder than I’m keen to admit. Let me just…”

Halsin takes a few moments to remove all his clothing. Once he was stripped bare, thick cock standing at attention, he turned back towards Tav and was met with quite the sight.

Tav had shifted to her knees, face pressed into Halsin’s pillow with her ass arched high in the air in Halsin’s direction. He was met with her puffy, glistening folds being presented so desperately just for him. Slick drooled out like sap from a mighty maple tree, slowly seeping from Tav’s hole and coating her lips and thighs. He could see her engorged, pink clit peaking out from the apex of her slit, just aching to be touched.

“Oak Father preserve me…” He says quietly, more to himself than anyone else. “What an incredible sight…”

“Halsiiiinnnn…. Will you hurry uuuup?” Tav whined and wiggled her backside in the druid’s direction, beckoning him to enter her.

“Right, of course. You will tell me if there’s any discomfort, yes?” He asks.

“Yes fine yes, just fuck me.” Tav glares at him from her position pressed into the pillow.

“As you wish…” Halsin takes his position behind Tav and guides the leaking tip of his cock to her entrance. “Bit of a stretch now, love…” Halsin coos as he pushes his hips into hers.

“Aaaggh! Ah! Fuck!” Tav cries out and turns her head to bite down on his pillow.

Halsin feels a gush of warmth on his pelvis and notices the hard squeeze of Tav’s cunt as his tip presses against her cervix deep within her. She had climaxed just from him bottoming out inside her.

“Already?” Halsin chuckles again. “Do you feel better? Should I stop?” He runs a soothing hand down her spine.

“Aahh!” Tav moans and pushes back on her knees, forcing him impossibly deeper. “More! Need more!”

“The potion is stronger than I thought… very well… Hold on to something, dear.” Halsin warns as he wraps his large hands around Tav’s milky hips. He begins thrusting into her hard and with great purpose. Normally he would have to take time to prep his smaller partners, but the effects of the elixir had caused Tav’s body to accept his intrusion hungrily. “So warm… like nothing I’ve ever felt…” Halsin groans as he feels the impossible heat from Tav’s walls pulse around him sensually.

“Harder! More!” Tav grits out, brow furrowed, fists clenched in Halsin’s sheets.

Halsin mounts her fully, hunching his back over her to press his chest against her spine. His grip on her hips tightens as he humps into her harder.

“Yes! Fuck! I-I’m cu-!“ Tav yelps out. “Ah!”

Halsin feels her cunt clench on him hard again, the familiar spray of liquid a welcome feeling trickling down his thick thighs. After two orgasms, Halsin assumed she would finally be free of the potion’s effects. He pulls out of her and picks her shaking body up and positions her back down on his bed on her back.

“Better now?” He smiles down at her.

He was met with an even deeper look of desperation.

“No. Need more!” Tav gasps out as she locks her arms behind his back. Without warning, Halsin was tossed on his back on the bed and Tav was hovering above him. She grips his dripping cock and lines it up to her sex, sinking down on it quickly.

“Shiiiit yes…” Tav moans out and throws her head back in pleasure. She begins rocking hard against him, grinding her clit against his pelvis to stimulate all her senses. “Fuuuuck…”

“My darling…” Halsin says hesitantly as he places his gentle hands on her breasts, softly toying with her nipples. “Don’t hurt yourself…”

“Fill me, Halsin, please!” She cries out loudly. “Breed me, Halsin. I need it!” She slams her hips down onto his impossibly fast.

An animalistic, bear-like growl leaves Halsin’s lips.

“You can’t say things like that, little dove.” He grits his teeth, trying to hold back from absolutely ravishing her body.

“But please! I want you to fill me, need you to fill me! Put your fucking babies into me, Halsin, please!” Tav looks down finally and makes eye contact with the large elf. There was a wild, fiery heat glowing in her eyes. Who was he to deny her?

Halsin plants his feet on his bedroll and growls louder, his large hands moving to her waist.

"Halsin, Halsin, Halsin!" Tav spills his name like an invocation as she bounces violently on his cock. "Breed me, please, Halsin!"

He uses this newfound leverage to slam his hips up into hers at a brutal pace, lost in the fantasy of filling her up with his seed. How gorgeous she would look swollen and heavy with his young… breasts plump with sweet milk...

“Yes! Yes!” Tav chants towards the sky as a cock-drunk grin spreads across her face.

“I’ll give you what you need, love… stay still now… shit…” Halsin’s grip on Tav was sure to leave bruises in the morning. Tav was moaning loudly, clearly too far gone in her state to care about anyone else in camp hearing her. “I’m going to fill you now, be good and take it…” He grits out the last bit.

Tav shrieks as she feels the first wave of hot spend fill her insides. Rope after rope of Halsin’s seed stuffed her to the brim, the druid grunting and panting beneath her, pushing her hips down on his so his tip kissed her cervix directly.

Halsin breathes heavily as his orgasm abates and leaves Tav finally satisfied.

“Woah…” Tav dizzily leans forward and collapses against Halsin’s broad chest.

The pair laid in silence for several minutes catching their breaths.

“Here, I’m going to lay you down now. I’ll make you some tea.” Halsin says as he lifts Tav off his softening cock and tucks her into his comforter. “Make sure you drink it before tomorrow.”

“Mhmmmmph.” Tav snuggles tiredly into his mussed sheets, the effects of the potion finally dissipating now that she was stuffed full like a broodmare. She looked too serene in his bed, he couldn’t care less about the large mess she was no doubt leaking onto his mattress.

So what if she didn’t drink the tea tonight… maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea…

Halsin would have to thank Astarion tomorrow.

#baldurs gate smut #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate fanfiction #baldurs gate tav #baldurs gate fanart #bg3 fanart #bg3 tav #tav #halsin #halsin x tav #halsin x reader #halsin x oc #halsin smut #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 #bg3 halsin

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illusioninfnty · 3 days ago

Text

The Sea's Delight

જ⁀➴ Mermaid & Pirate : Day 25

feat. Rhaenyra Targaryen ᯓ★ Rhaenyra is the most fearsome pirate on the seas...and the most glorious lover in the bedroom.

warnings! : NSFW 18+, top!Rhaenyra, cunnilingus, fingering, praise, Rhaenyra got that strap, penetrative sex with dildo, semi-public sex

ᯓ★ kinktober m.list || read on ao3

“Nyra, we can’t keep doing—ohh,” your protests escape you as the pirate captain licks on your cunt mercilessly.

“Says you.” Her voice is rough and gravely as she talks, muffled against your pussy lips. The vibrations against your most sensitive area sends waves of arousal through your system. Captain Rhaenyra was as calm as ever, and her charm was no doubt what enraptured you in her web.

A moan leaves your lips as you arch your back up, desperate for more of her mouth. “Your crew is bound to find out. What will they think, seeing you slobbering over a mermaid’s cunt?”

Rhaenyra glides one of her hands over your tail, her calloused hand caressing the iridescent scales that glow in the moonlight as the two do you lay atop the deck. “Let them. Maybe they’ll learn how to finally pleasure a cunt like this properly.”

You sigh hopelessly, knowing you’ll never get through to her.

Pirate Captain Rhaenyra Targaryen was fearsome on the seas, one of the few female captains who gained some respect in her travels. She was so well revered that even you had heard of her, whispers from other mermaids and mermen in your village of the lady pirate who actually respected your kind.

Those rumors led to how you met her. The idea of a lady pirate attracted you, knowing there was a strong woman amongst the filthy, disgusting men that love to leer at and prey upon mermaids. It’s what finally encouraged you to show yourself to the surface, something that mermaids were not all too privy to do given the attitude of the pirates that traveled the seas.

You’re brought out of your thoughts as Rhaenyra slides two fingers into your cunt, the sensation causing you to gasp as your attention is back on your lover.

“What’s on your mind, love?” she asks in a murmur, her curled fingers hitting deep inside of you. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“Thinking about when we first met,” you answer, “when you fucked me in your quarters.”

Contrary to popular belief, mermaids were able to go without water for up to a full day. Rhaenyra tested this out with you by carrying you to her room and fucking you there through the whole night.

Her eyes look up to meet yours as she sucks on your clit. “Want me to pull it out for you, baby?”

Your eyes practically roll into the back of your head imagining the pleasure that was about to come. Rhaenyra was talented on the seas but in the bedroom, too.

“You know, I’ll never say no to that.” Your tail flicks in excitement, a mild thump heard on the wooden floors.

Rheanyra gives you a toothy smile as she picks you up easily, one hand around your shoulders and the other around your tail. The muscles in her arms flex as she does so, easily seen in the tight white undershirt she’s wearing, and you hide your face in her neck to conceal the heat that rises to your cheeks.

“My tongue was in your cunt mere seconds ago yet you still blush at the smallest things.” You can hear the amusement in her voice as a small chuckle leaves her lips.

You huff. “Let’s go already.” You flick your tail to hit her side gently. “In case you didn’t notice, I haven’t cum yet. Don’t want to leave me unsatisfied, do you?”

She hums assuredly. “Never.”

Rhaenyra isn’t quiet when she slams the door open wide to her quarters, slamming against the wall. You cringe at the noise, which is guaranteed to wake her crew members up.

Well if that doesn’t wake them, your screams sure will.

She drops you on her bed, your back hitting the soft, plush mattress. For a pirate, she sure loves her comfort. It was a major plus for you.

Rhaenyra crawls on top of you, bending over and kissing you so hard it nearly takes your breath away. Breathing without your gils always feels strange, and you can feel them flutter as Rhaenyra’s captivating kiss replaces your source of air.

You preen as her soft lips cover your own, the two of you moving your lips in sync with one another. The kiss soon becomes sloppy, both of you becoming more feverish, and Rhaenyra’s tongue slips into your mouth, sucking on your tongue and swallowing up your moans.

A thin line of saliva connects the two of you as Rhaenyra eventually pulls away, chuckling as you whine and buck yourself up into her, chasing after her lips.

You stare up at your lover, her flushed cheeks and swollen lips making you swoon. Only you had the privilege of seeing this vulnerable side of the fearsome Captain Rhaenyra, and you would drink up every moment of it you got.

The weight of Rhaenyra leaves you as she moves off the bed, lowering herself to fetch a chest underneath it—her collection of the toys you used together. Given that you were the first mermaid she’s been with and her your first human, it made sense for the two of you to experiment during your midnight romps.

“I want to try the ribbed one tonight.” You say. You hear Rhaenyra pause with her search. “The biggest one,” you add.

“Think you can take it?” She asks, a smirk adorning her features as she looks up at you.

You smirk back, matching her own. “I don’t know, but I do know that you can make me.”

A deep chuckle leaves her lips as the rustling continues. You can feel yourself getting wetter by the minute, your tail fins fluttering in anticipation.

Rhaenyra emerges in front of you with the strap on, already fastening to her body. The large piece suits her, you think, and you can’t help but shy away from her when that thought festers.

“Don’t hide from me now, love.” Rhaenyra holds your chin between her thumb and forefinger, turning your head to meet her gaze. “I haven’t even stuck my cock in you yet.”

“D-don’t word it like that!” You playfully slap at her forearm in a hushed whisper. “Gods, you’re so embarrassing sometimes.”

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” She presses a kiss to your cheek and aligns the dildo with your dripping slit. “Ready?”

You nod wordlessly, and a gasp leaves you as the head enters you. Your back arches as Rhaenyra slowly inches her way into you.

“So good,” you murmur into her neck, wrapping your arms around her broad back.

“Yeah?” She begins to kiss your jaw, moving down to your neck, and you shudder. “You like being stretched open?”

“Y-yes!” You answer breathlessly, gasping as Rhaenyra begins to stroke your tail.

“My pretty mermaid, laid out just for me to see.” Her hands brush over your scales as her eyes gaze upon your tail.

“All the other pirates wish they could have such a pretty mermaid with them. To look at, to kiss—” she thrusts the entire length of the dildo into you at once, and your back arches into her, your breasts pressing into her own. “—to fuck.”

Her words are all jumbled in your head as the pleasure takes over. Your nails claw into her back, the sensation of her thrusts and the strokes against your tail combining in a way that makes your brain practically melt.

“Let those pretty moans out. Sing for me, love.”

“Uh, uh!” Your moans are loud and unabashed, and Rhaenrya thinks that she could get lost in the sounds you make. She was never one to be gullible enough to be entranced by the sounds of mermaid’s voices while out at sea like other pirates were, but now she knows it was just because no other voice could compare to your own.

Drool drips out the side of your mouth and she takes a swipe at it with her thumb, bringing it to her lips.

“Well aren’t you being such a good girl for me?” The squelch of the dildo thrusting in and out of you permeates through the air, only second to the sounds of the moans tumbling out of you.

“Y-yes! Please, more!”

Rhaenyra happily complies, pounding even harder and faster than before. The ribbing on the dildo hits your walls so nicely, and the stretch of the girth is so wide that it feels like it’s practically changing the shape of you.

Both you and Rhaenyra moan in sync. “Cum for me,” she whispers in your ear, and the tickle of her breath sends shockwaves down your system as your orgasm hits you. Your tail beats against her as your body twitches with your release, grabbing onto her as if she was your life line.

Tears bead in the corners of your eyes and Rhaenyra kisses them away. She shutters as her own release hits her, her movements inside of you halting. You moan as the dildo leaves you, the odd sensation of emptiness falling upon you.

Rhaenyra runs a hand up and down your side in a soothing manner as you come down from your peak. “Think they heard me? you joke with her.

The sounds of grouchy men’s voices echo from above you, on the ship’s deck.

Rhaenyra smirks and kisses your cheek. “I hope so. Then they’ll know not to fuck with you lest they face my wrath.”

#rhaenyra targaryen x reader #rhaenyra targaryen smut #hotd x reader #hotd smut #kinktober #kinktober 2024

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anadiasmount · 2 days ago

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Could you write something about jude realising he’s in love with you (so just his pov)

Just him alone in his room maybe and after so much time denying his feelings he lets himself feel for a little and then realises there’s no back to normal, he’s completely head over heels for you

wait i actually love this?? lmk what you think for future purposes 🤭🤍

while jude always denied to idea of love, falling in love, being in love, there was certain exceptions he made just for you. only you. how he could deny that bubbly and tingly feeling when he saw that smile crawl up to your face?

hear you constantly gush, praise, and adore him about how incredibly he was to you. what you didn’t know is that only you were the only one he was doing this too. he should’ve seen it coming after the first month of him in madrid, new, afraid, yet excited to take on his first season.

while jude sometimes felt shy, with you it was like being a whole complete person. his friends would see it, mom and dad, he’ll even jibe was asking what made this new persona in him suddenly change. it was your effect.

yet here was jude sulking with the biggest frown on his face, his thumbs brushing against the screen debating whether or not to send you a message or just say fuck it and call you. jude knew you would be busy studying on a saturday night, especially since your mid terms were coming up. thinking about how you forced him to help you study your flashcards and he took the whole act seriously.

jude felt out of place, and all he wanted was to be with you so desperately. the longing feeling, to feel how you curl up next to him, blabber about the tiktoks you see or your professor who seemed to teach the opposite of what they were supposed to. why did he feel so desperate, the itch becoming more difficult to the point where his chest would begin to pang with pain at the thought of you not there.

“just call her bro, what do you have to lose?” jude’s teammate encouraged over the phone, jude sideyeing him before he gave up and did just that. he typed out your number, wanting to remember it because he never knew when he may need it. the bubble of excitement yet nerves built insides him, jude sipping on his tea before he heard your tired voice.

“hi jude, to what do i owe this pleasure?” you teased, jude holding back a chuckle before replying. “ha ha, very funny. what are you up to right now?” he asked playing with the strings of his hoodie, “i just finished studying for the night, i couldn’t focus properly but it was the same material from this whole week,” you sighed. “is everything okay?” jude asked, practically seeing your nod over the phone. “yes it is now.”

“do you want to come over?”

if jude spent another hour debating he would’ve lost it. but now that you were here, right where he wanted, he wasn’t going to let you go. “okay cookies are made!” you said excitedly, jus expressing behind you and kissing your head. his normal and lovey habit. which you didn’t refuse either. “i picked out a few movies we can watch in the mean time,” he said dragging you to the couch.

jude’s heart couldn’t stop racing. he felt like he could’ve exploded any second now. your scent, the homey feeling, your smile, your touch it was driving him insane. he knew it was beyond playful feelings. he was head over heels for you, and if he didn’t confess now he would regret it later on. he shifted in his spot, making you pull away from him while still watching the tv. “come back here,” jude pouted.

“you’re so needy,” you joked but it was the whole truth. “y/n?” jude’s voice trembled, your eyes drawn to his immediately to ensure he was okay. jude felt a cold tingle spread down his spine, feeling more alive then ever. “what’s wrong-”

“you know you mean the world to me right?” jude started shifting up and getting closer to you, your touch hot against his hands. “i do?” jude nodded, tracing his initials against your skin. “you’re my whole world, y/n…”

“jude stop joking like that,” you pulled away, looking him up and down, but you could tell something felt different from this, from usual times. “i’m not, im being serious right now. i’ve avoided it forever with fear of hurting you or what we have but i don’t care about that now. i’m done waiting and avoiding how i feel,” jude stressed.

“what are you saying,” you asked, jude’s heart wrenching and pounding louder then when he played a game. “i’m saying that i love you and i have for the longest now,” jude said staring into your eyes but all he heard was laughter escaping your lips. “yeah you’ve lost it now,” you got up and went to the kitchen unable to get rid of the gut feeling.

jude was more nervous then ever, your small rejection getting to him more then it should’ve. “y/n why would i lie to you about something like that? you’re all i think about day and night. during training, when i see those silly panda stickers all over my room, or that damn scent you have engraved here,” he pointed to his chest.

“i’m so incredibly in love with you y/n. im tired of just pushing my feelings away because i was being selfish. im ready now, im ready for you. for us. i want to whatever it takes to make you happy with me. all i want is you, you y/n,” jude cried out, his voice pleading the hear him out. to take him out the misery he felt. for you to confess as well.

“jude-”

“y/n please say you love me back… that’s there’s a chance for us, please my love…”

#judey thoughts 5️⃣#jude bellingham x reader

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lost-romantique · 3 days ago

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Which was the better I.M.P Mission this season?

You know, what's strange is the fact that I actually don't hate Unhappy Campers the same way most of the Fandom does.

What I enjoyed about that episode is the fact that, for the first time it portrayed Millie and Moxxie’s relationship, not as perfect and impenetrable as we're initially led to believe.

Moxxie gets stuck in his own head and Millie has to drag him out of his rut. Moxxie accuses Millie of having had the fame gone to her head, when it actuality, she was just genuinely happy to be appreciated in her efforts for once. And Millie is hurt, genuinely hurt, that her husband could not support her the same way she supported him and dealt with his bullshit.

The problem Unhappy Campers presents is that it heightens Moxxie’s desperation to prove himself to everyone around him, and turns it into a form of patheticism to be correct. The fact that Millie and Blitz both go out of their way to tell him that he wasted a whole week of his and everyone's time just so he could do things his way, and not consider Millie's opinion in the matter at all, means something.

Another problem is the fact that it relegated Blitzø’s emotional reunion with his sister, as a three minute side piece that they couldn't have to themselves because we needed a two minute talent show presentation of Millie versus more Blitz lore.

What I loved about Ghostfuckers is that it essentially takes the same premise of Unhappy Campers, Millie having to pull one of the boys out of their rut, but only instead of Moxxie, it's Blitz that Millie essentially has to save and get through.

And getting through to your husband who simply got too caught up into his ideals is a lot more easier to achieve, than getting through to your boss, who has spent the last fifteen years of his life suppressing every major traumatic event and emotion he has ever experienced inside his head.

The stakes are higher in Ghostfuckers, and if Millie was unable to get through to Blitz, if MIllie was unable to genuinely and sincerely help him with all her might...

Forget about I.M.P, what's going to happen to Blitz?

In every sense of the word, Apology Tour destroyed Blitz. Don't get me wrong, that episode was extremely important for Blitz to grow as a character. However, Apology Tour decided to grab a shovel and mercilessly beat its message into his skull, giving him no form of comfort and hope by the end of the episode.

Can you imagine what would have happened to Blitz if he didn't have Millie to help him? To save him? To comfort him?

What would have happened to Blitz if he was all alone, trapped in a spooky hotel, forced to relive every single traumatic moment of his life on repeat like a video player? Despite his resilience, the man would eventually break and be beyond saving.

But Millie saved him, and told him everything that Blitz needed to hear at that moment...

When the entire world is against you... I want you to know that you helped me, you saved me, you being unapologetically yourself is what inspired me to be more than what I initially thought I could be.

"He gave me so much... A career, a husband, a future. And now he's my best friend."

You gave me everything.

"Look, what I said earlier... you've just been so unbothered by everything. Almost bulletproof and, I guess I never realized how much I depended on that."

I always looked up to you as a pillar of support, an impenetrable wall that's almost unbeatable.

"I didn't know how to react to you being reduced to... Bethany."

Seeing someone I value do everything they can to negate their entire existence hurt me.

"But I should have respected you like you always do for me. I'm sorry."

I'm sorry it took me long to realize just how much you were hurting.

There's more to Ghostfuckers that make it a masterpiece, miles above Unhappy Campers, but I'll leave it at that for now.

#helluva boss #blitzo #helluva boss blitz #helluva blitz #blitzø #millie helluva boss #helluva boss millie #moxxie #helluva boss moxxie #unhappy campers #ghostfuckers #hb spoilers

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wethotcrazy · 4 hours ago

Text

CAN'T CONTROL IT

pairing: Franco Colapinto x Fem! Driver! Reader

word count: 739

just something a little short and sweet for franco colapinto. also i think the can't control their mouth and can't control their face would suit him well?! idk bro

The F1 social media team had a new favorite hobby: catching YN's reactions to everything Franco Colapinto did.

It started during pre-season testing in Bahrain. Franco, fresh in his Williams racing suit, had spun on his installation lap – a rookie mistake that had the paddock chuckling. The TV director, whether by instinct or divine intervention, cut immediately to YN in the Alpine garage.

Her expression was poetry in motion: eyes rolling skyward, lips pressed together to suppress a smile, followed by a head shake that somehow conveyed both "I can't believe this" and "that's my idiot" in one fluid movement.

The clip went viral within hours.

"Have you seen this?" Franco bounded into the Alpine hospitality area, phone already extended. "'Every Time YN Dies Inside Watching Franco Colapinto: Testing Edition' – they even put sad violin music over your faces!"

YN didn't need to look. She'd already seen the compilation – a masterfully edited collection of her various reactions to Franco's testing adventures. Her personal favorite was the slow-motion zoom on her face when he'd described his first F1 car as "spicy."

"I'm starting to think you do these things on purpose," she muttered, but her treacherous face was already softening at his enthusiasm.

"Maybe I just like seeing your reactions," he winked, dropping into the seat beside her. "Remember in F3 when you said your face wasn't that expressive?"

"Remember in F2 when you said you'd learned to think before speaking?"

His laugh echoed through the hospitality area. "Some things never change, no?"

The Australian GP brought new material for the ever-growing collection of "YN Can't Control Her Face" content. As Alpine's reserve driver, she was in the garage when Franco scored his first F1 points – a remarkable P8 in a chaotic race.

His radio message was pure, unfiltered Franco: "P8! P8! YN, are you watching? Better than that time in F2 when you said I'd never score points because I was too busy talking!"

The cameras found her instantly: pride blooming across her features before she could school them into professional neutrality.

"Every time they show your face, the comments explode," Esteban teased later. "I think you've got more screen time than some of the actual drivers."

YN groaned. "Don't remind me. Someone made a TikTok trend out of my different 'Franco Reactions.'"

"At least you're not 'Can't Control His Mouth' Colapinto," Pierre chimed in. "Did you hear him in the press pen? He spent five minutes explaining how you once bet him he couldn't qualify top 10 without talking on team radio."

"Did he mention he lost that bet?"

"No, but your face when they asked you about it said everything."

Monaco was where things reached new heights. Franco, running in P6 during practice, had been providing commentary that somehow always circled back to YN:

"YN's watching, no? Tell her this is how you take the hairpin properly—" Franco spoke through team radio confidently before scraping through the hairpin. "Ah. Maybe not like that."

The camera cuts to YN's perfect face-palm, followed by a head shake that somehow conveyed both "I knew it" and "why am I even surprised" in one swift motion.

The resulting clip went viral on Tiktok and became F1's most-watched social media post of the weekend.

"You know what I think?" Franco asked one evening, as they shared takeaway in the quiet of the paddock after everyone else had left. The cameras were finally off, but YN's face was as expressive as ever in the dim light.

"That's a dangerous start to any conversation with you."

He grinned, nudging her shoulder. "I think you like that I can't control my mouth."

"And what makes you say that?" she asked, trying and failing to keep her expression neutral.

"Because every time I talk about you, you make this face – like you're trying not to smile but can't help it. It's my favorite one."

"I do not have a special face for when you talk about me."

"Si, you do! You're making it right now!"

She threw a napkin at him, but her smile – soft and genuine and completely uncontrolled – gave her away.

The next day, during the drivers' briefing, Alex caught Franco staring at YN with an expression that mirrored all of hers – soft and fond and entirely unguarded.

The photo went viral with the caption: "Looks like neither of them can control anything anymore 💕"

126 notes · View notes

beef-brisket · 2 days ago

Text

Lilith: "Adam". How nice. I had an Adam once. Complete idiot, you remember, don't you Lucifer?

Lucifer: He wasn't an idiot, Lilith. He was made to breed, and that was it-

Lilith: Yes, yes. And I was given more brains because I had a higher purpose, I've heard it all before, Lucifer~.

Adam stood awkwardly as he watched the two go back and forth. He felt sorry for the first man, only being made to breed while your counterpart obviously had more work put into their design and functionality.

He hoped Lucifer was kind to him.

Lucifer: You're staying?

Lilith: Oh, don't sound so scared~. It'll only be for a week.

Lucifer: Fine. You get room 12. Do you remember where that is?

Lilith: Oh, of course I do!

Lucifer's eye twitches as he watched her walk off.

Adam: ...Well, she seems nice.

Lucifer: nice is one word for her...

Adam: ...I hate to leave you alone with her, but is it okay if I head back to bed?

Lucifer: Sure, Ad. Would you like me to walk with you?

Adam: No, No, I'm okay. I'll see you later.

Adam blushes as Lucifer pulls him into a kiss.

Lucifer: I'll definitely be seeing you later~. Get to bed, love. Have a good nap.

Adam smiles and walks off. He wishes this place was smaller, so he didn't have so far to walk. He was so close to his and Lucifer's room, but when he turned a corner, he stopped. Lilith was standing there, smiling at him.

Lilith: Oh! Sorry, Adam. You almost walked into me~.

Adam: Uh- sorry about that-

Lilith: You're fine! It's nice actually.

Adam: ...what is?

Adam tensed as Lilith grabbed his chin, pulling him closer.

Lilith: You're not much to look at, are you? You're not even jester worthy, let alone worthy to be queen. Do you really think you could take my place?

Adam: N-No-

Lilith: So. Why are you here?

Adam: ...L-Lucifer sacrificed me- specificly to marry him-

Lilith: Really? Sounds like a lot of trouble- I can't see anything unique about you. You look and smell just like every other sinner, down there.

Adam tried to curl in on himself, but Liliths grip on his chin stopped him. But it was only going to get worse.

He tensed when he felt Liliths clawed hand touch his stomach.

Lilith: And this monstrosity isn't even worth the dumpster you'll throw it in~. Once Lucifer sees you for the scum or are, he'll want nothing to do with you.

Adam had tears streaming down his face, and he felt sick. Not morning sickness, but something else. He hates it.

Adam: S-Stop- please-

Lilith: Stop? Ha! That's what the first man told me~. Too bad I didn't listen to him... and too bad that I'm not going to listen to you~.

((Tw: sexual assult))

Adam tried to push Lilith off, but she was too strong. She laughed as she forced her hand into his pants, gripping his dick before forcing two fingers inside of him.

Adam: N-No- stop! I don't-

Lilith pulled her hand out and wiped it on his shirt.

Lilith: Oh, don't worry. I don't want to touch you~.

Adam quickly backed away as soon as she let go of him. He wants to run, but he's afraid she'll run after him. Like he's prey.

He tensed as the hallway went dark, Liliths face has changed into something sharp and twisted. He couldn't move. He could only look at her.

Adam whimpered, and she gripped his shoulder, a claw digging itself into his shirt.

Lilith: And if you tell Lucifer- or even THINK of telling him, I'll tear that THING out of your stomach and crush it. Right. In front. Of. You~. Understood, "Adam"?

Adam quickly nodded. He just wanted this to be over, but he wants Lucifer even more.

Lilith: Good boy! Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get some beauty sleep~.

And with that, she disappeared is aburst of purple flame. Adam was so tired. And sick. Every kind of sickness possible.

Devil Lucifer x Ghost Hunter Adam

@beef-brisket ((Here it is lol))

Adam is trying to prove that ghosts are real so he started a YouTube channel with his friend Lucifer, who unbeknownst to Adam is the literal Devil.

Adam: I'm telling you Lu, this place is super haunted I can feel it.

Lucifer was unloading their filming gear as they got ready to go into this supposedly haunted prison.

Lucifer: I don't know Ad, you'll need more proof than just the wind.

Adam frowned: It was a whisper and you know it.

156 notes · View notes

ellieputellas · 2 days ago

Text

in another life | final part of "if you'd have stuck around"

i'll make you stay, there's just no way i'm leaving without your love if i had my way, i would be yours

— "yours" - now, now

part one | part two | part three

🏷️ @moonystoes @simp4panos

(a/n: the song for the previous chapter suits the first part (?) of this fic more actually but whatever lol)

part three You wondered how many times more you had to relive your break-up with Elisa, how many more times you had to deem the "last one," how many more times you would cry over losing her. You were sure you didn't have another "last" goodbye in you. When she left you in that meeting room, you didn't know what came over you but you cried just like you did five years ago. Sure, after you had split up with Elisa, there were several more instances that you cried but it aas nothing like this. You felt like you were back in that tiny dorm in Montpellier, hurriedly packing up your bag to storm out. You were gutwrenched, feeling like all of the hurt you've buried deep inside you was bursting out all at once.

What's worse was having to leave that meeting room, rushing to wash your face, grab your things, and dash out to avoid any questioning from your co-workers. The last thing you needed was word getting out about Elisa de Almeida making you cry. You spent the next few days avoiding all things football. You stashed the jersey and keychain Elisa gave you in the far corner of your shoe closet. You muted the phrases "Elisa de Almeida", "PSG" and the like on all your social media accounts. You were resolute that that last encounter would indeed be the last. But fate had a weird sense of humor. "Babe, I really don't feel up to it." You told Casey as you buried your head in a pillow. "Can't we just do it over the phone or email? What's technology for if we still have to physically go somewhere to interview people?" "Come on, babe, my dad asked us to do him a favor," Casey said, trying to lift your head up with her hands. "It's just a quick interview. It won't even be filmed."

You groaned. "Why can't they send Gina or Mark... or Daisy? That girl has turned into a full-blown PSG fan in the past week. She'd prefer to interview them." Casey huffed. "Well, I would ask them but they said the team requested you."

You peeked out from your pillow. "The team requested me?" You questioned. "I don't get why they'd like me so much. I pretty much exchanged like 12 total sentences with them all-in-all." "Yeah, to be honest, I just think that Jackie girl does have a crush on you." Casey said in jest. "Pretty sure she just wants an excuse to see you." You sighed, knowing fully well that it wasn't Jackie Groenen who had a crush on you. But then again, it also seemed very unlike Elisa to invite you over. When she left you in that meeting room, it felt like she also permanently decided on ever seeing you again. "Casey, please, I really don't want to." You took the pillow off of your head and gave your girlfriend a pleading look. "It's the last thing I want to do." Your girlfriend looked at you confused as she brushed your hair behind your ear. She cupped your cheek and used her thumb to caress it. "What's up with you, huh?" She asked, concerned. "Did something happen to make you dislike those girls? It's so not you to dislike working... I genuinely think my dad likes you more than he likes me cause you're always up for the job." You gave Casey a weak smile. You didn't know how to tell her that you didn't want to interview them because of Elisa. You knew deep inside that Casey would understand if you told her about what happened five years ago and also, what happened a few days ago between you and Elisa. But you felt like opening it up would just mean reopening your chapters with Elisa. "Babe, did they offend you?" Casey asked with a concerned look. "I did hear from some people that Elisa visited you to give you a gift from the team. Did something happen then?" There it was... your opportunity to tell Casey. You paused. "No."

Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting about a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."

Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting on a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."

You're filled with dread as you knocked on the hotel door. You read the message from your co-worker, instructing you to head up to this exact room. You found it odd that you weren't meeting at the hotel restaurant instead but you just figured the girls might be too tired. The door swung open. Jackie met you with a grin and threw her arms around you as if you truly were friends. Oddly enough, Jackie stepped out of the hotel room and shut the door behind her. "So nice to see you again." She smiled at you. You reciprocated the smile. "Yes, yes, are you the only one doing the interview?" You asked, hoping she'd say yes. "If you'd like, we can do it at the hotel restaurant. The company can foot the bill so we can go crazy on club sandwiches and coffee." She chuckled. "That's so sweet but actually," She replied. "I just asked your production manager to forward all the interview questions to my email and I'd reply through there too." You blinked in confusion. "Oh okay," You furrowed your eyebrows together. As if on cue, you got a text from Gina telling you that there was no need to conduct the interview in person. Too late, Gina. "I guess, I'd go now..." You said, still confused. Jackie held your arm. "Actually... please don't go yet." Her face looked a bit more serious. "Uh, I asked for the interview thing and really pleaded with my boss just so you could come." "A-what?" You asked silently, growing more and more confused. She blushed slightly. "I feel so unprofessional right now but..." She started. "I know.... about you and Elisa." You fell silent and stiffened. "Oh." It was all you could manage to say. The Dutch bit her lip. "I didn't want to pry since I know you're in a relationship but... Elisa hasn't been herself since she visited you so I interrogated her and she just exploded and told me everything." She sighed. "I just thought it would help... for you and her to talk. Even for just five minutes." You were caught in an awkward position. You had to be polite but also, you really didn't wanna do this anymore. "Sorry, Jackie. I don't think—" "Just five minutes, please." The Dutch girl pleaded. "It's affecting her game. She hasn't talked to any of us, not me or Grace or Saki. No one. Our manager is losing his mind having to deal with her and I'm just scared that if she doesn't get proper closure that she might not recover from it and... I don't know. I just figured this was a solution." "Jackie," Your voice trailed off. "Five minutes." She pleaded. "Just tell her that she should move on and that you'll always treasure your time together. I don't know. I've never been in this situation before..." She looked at you with desperation. "I care about Elisa. She's a good friend. If you have to lie to her, just to make sure she's okay... do it." She asked. "I know it's a lot to ask but please..." You took a deep sigh. "Fine." Jackie gave you a genuine hug. "Okay, I'll be back in five minutes. I'll leave you here and just... please try if you can." She asked. Cautiously, still holding on to your arm as if you'd run away if she didn't, she swiped her hotel key card on the hotel door. You two walked in. From the door, all you could see was Elisa's stuff thrown on top of her bed. Jackie started. "Elisa... I'm just gonna go buy some drinks. You want anything?" Elisa grunted in response. Jackie gave you a smile as if to say 'see?' Jackie responded. "Okay, stay here and I'll be back in five minutes." She said as you two walked further into the hotel room. You could now see Elisa under her duvets, scrolling through Instagram on her phone. "Don't leave this room." "Why would I —" Elisa spun around violently as she sat up. Her face went from incredulous to dumbfounded. You were instantly regretting your decision but Jackie had already swiftly exited the room.

"Hey," You said as you stood near the foot of her bed, nervously picking at the fabric of your cardigan. "Heard you weren't feeling well." Elisa gulped. She remained on the bed. She ran a hand through her hair and looked away for a moment, trying to regain composure. You took this opportunity to look at her. She looked tired and sleepless; her hair was a tad disheveled. Yet, to you, she still looked so good. She was wearing a black muscle shirt, revealing her strong arms. You couldn't deny it... she looked incredibly hot. Fuck, this is so weird. You thought to yourself. Why am I even here? "I'm supposed to tell you to get your shit together and move on and to do your job better, I think." You said with a hint of jest in your voice. "So, do that." She was still averting her gaze. You stood there awkwardly before biting your lip and sighing. "I guess, that's all I have to say." You said. "I'll go now." Elisa stood up and rushed to you. She put her hands on either side of you. "No, please, I need to talk to you." She said as she guided you towards the other bed. You awkwardly sat on the other bed which you assumed was Jackie's. Elisa sat on the edge of her bed. You were facing each other with knees knocking given the awkward proximity of the two beds. "So..." You started. Elisa looked up at you. You glanced at her too. You took it all in this time. You looked at her honey-brown eyes, the smile lines around her eyes, her nose, her pink lips, her slightly tanned skin. You figured you might as well take it all in now before you permanently closed the door on your relationship with Elisa. This is the actual last time I'd see her. After this, I'm closing the door and bolting it shut. You rationalized. You bit your lip awkwardly and looked away. "Did you win the friendlies?" She nodded. "Yeah, 2-1" You nodded. "You played the full 90?" She nodded again. "Even if I was fully shit, I did..." She responded. You sighed. "Was San Diego nice?" There was a moment of silence. Elisa didn't respond. Instead, she took your hands in hers. You nearly jolted as you felt her fingertips caress your palm so gently. She used her fingers to trace the lines on your palm as if trying to commit them to memory. The pads of her fingers barely grazed yours, as if you would break if she touched you any firmer.

She took a deep breath before she gently lifted your hands and rested her face in them. She kept her own hands at the back of yours, as if to keep you in place. Her face felt warm under your hands and her skin was so soft to the touch. It felt so intimate, touching her like this. You blinked and looked away for a moment. She shook her head slightly, feeling the movement echo in your hands. It was if to nonverbally tell you to keep looking at her.

When you hesitated, she whispered. "Please, just look at me right now. Just... pretend with me. Even if it's for a while."

You bit your lip. It was so honest and so... oddly painful to see her practically asking you to hold her like this. You were a tad clueless with what she meant. Did she want you to pretend you were still together? That you came here to be with her? Or... was she asking you to pretend that you still loved her?

"Just let me have this for a while," She whispered, as if reading your mind and answering your confusion.

Your gaze lingered on your own hands before finally giving in and meeting her eyes. They were as stunning as ever, the golden flecks in her irises more pronounced than usual. A familiar warmth pulsed through you mingled with a poignant sadness. A heavy glaze obscured her eyes, telling you just how she felt without having to use any words.

In that moment, you realized the cruel irony: the most beautiful things are often the most fleeting. A wave of emotion washed over you. This time, it felt different. It finally sunk into you that this really was the final goodbye. All the other times you deemed "the last" felt painful or incomplete. This felt almost... beautiful. It felt like you both knew this was the last and were finally accepting it. A bittersweet acceptance hung heavy in the air. “Please, move closer,” she whispered, her voice soft and gentle. Her fingers still intertwined with yours. You nodded. You stood up and stepped closer to her, looking down at her face. Her hands found solace under your cardigan and on your back, pulling you towards her with strong yet gentle hands. A pang of guilt shot through you.

You had a girlfriend, a sweet kind-hearted girlfriend. A girlfriend who had no clue what you were doing at this very moment... But suddenly her hands found their way under your shirt and her thumbs were rubbing circles into your skin, and all you could think about was how great it was to feel her touch like this again.

"You're so beautiful," She said in the softest voice. If she said it any quieter, it would have gone unheard. You smiled at her and you took her face in her hands again Without a conscious decision, you straddled her, your weight settling on her lap. She kept one hand under your shirt, at the small of your back to keep you steady and the other reached to your face. She took a stray hair and tucked it behind your ear, a silent gesture of intimacy. Time seemed to stand still. The world outside the hushed room faded into insignificance as you absorbed the moment, her warmth seeping into your soul. You took in the moment, being this close again, after years and years.

She inhaled deeply as her head nestled against your neck, a gentle weight that spoke volumes. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she clung to you; it felt like a silent plea.

As she breathed, her lips brushed against your skin, a feather-light touch that sent shivers down your spine. With each gentle exhale, you felt her warm breath caress the curve of your neck. Nuzzling closer, you inhaled the comforting scent that enveloped you; she still used that same familiar shampoo. You held her head against you, brushing her short, dark locks. The whole moment felt like a sensory experience devoid of thoughts or words. All you could focus on was the soft texture of her hair, the warmth of her body, the comforting rhythm of her breath. As you held her close, the world outside felt distant, muted, detached; it literally felt like you were in a dream or a small pocket outside of reality that only you and her occupied. She lifted her head, her gaze locking onto yours. A silent understanding passed between you. Then, with a swift movement, she flipped you onto the bed, hovering over you. Your eyes pleaded with hers, a silent plea for her to reconsider what she had in mind. But her gaze, unwavering, held a different message. Her eyes traced the contours of your face, lingering on your lips. You parted your lips as if to say something — maybe, a protest or even just asking her to pause and think it out — but nothing came out. She leaned forward cautiously and slowly, pausing intermittently just like she did when she first kissed you. And suddenly, you were kissing. Your lips stayed pressed together, unmoving for a moment. You felt tears sting your eyes. You were unsure why you were suddenly tearing up but the emotion was just too much to handle. Then, your muscle memory took over. You didn't have to think too hard before your arms wrapped around her as you locked lips. You let your hands move up and down to touch her back, her biceps, her body. It felt so familiar yet so new. And, her lips were incredibly soft and her taste... god, she tasted as addicting as ever. Elisa kissed you with a growing desperation. You breathed heavily as the kiss grew deeper, more intense. Her tongue licked your lower lip before you parted them to allow her entry. Elisa’s hand gripped your waist gently as she continued to kiss you.

You’ve kissed a handful of people after Elisa and you’ve kissed your girlfriend more than just a handful of times but… kissing Elisa was different.

You just moved naturally like you were made to be this close to each other. It felt like you two were speaking in a language only the two of you could understand. As your hands tangled in her hair, you couldn’t help but think that maybe — just, maybe — this was where you truly belonged.

She suddenly pulled away to give you two a moment to breathe. Elisa’s forehead pressed against yours as you shared a fragile silence, heavy and warm breaths mingling, each of you holding the other close as if afraid to let go. You wiped your face and realized that it wasn't just your own tears staining your face. Her tears had joined yours, tracing down your cheeks together, silent witnesses to all the emotions you felt. You felt her hands on you; her presence grounding you in that fleeting moment. Elisa was the first to break the silence, her voice low and tender.

“You’re still the girl I’ve always loved.” Those words cut through the air, and suddenly, it was as if reality had snapped back. The low hum of the AC filled your ears. You became acutely aware of her fingers under your shirt, the warmth of her body being this close to yours, the small ache forming in your chest. It was as if time had unpaused. You blinked a few times before gently pushing Elisa away. Elisa stood up, her face tinged with something close to pain and desperation, a pleading look barely concealed beneath her quiet gaze.

Yet, she didn’t say a word, letting you sit up and collect yourself in silence. You straightened your shirt and your cardigan. You brushed your hair and pat them flat with your hands quickly. Each crease on your clothes and each knot in your hair just felt like thinly veiled evidence of your moment of weakness. You cleared your throat as you stood up. You picked up your bag from the floor. You wiped your face with the flat of your fingers. You tried to regain composure even as all the emotions bombarded you. Elisa stood, facing you. She was silent and had a sad look in her eyes but you felt like there was a quiet understanding between the two of you. You took a step toward her, almost instinctively moving to hug her, but stopped, pulling back at the last moment. With a heavy heart, you cleared your throat. “I… I’ll go now.” She nodded, and you managed a shaky breath before turning toward the door, a finality to each step. But before you could take another, Elisa’s arms suddenly wrapped around you from behind, pulling you close, her chin nestled against your shoulder. Her breaths came in soft, shuddering waves, and you could feel her tears dampening your shoulder. You exhaled as you bit your lip, forbidding yourself from crying for the nth time. She held you like that for a while before finally, she said. "Goodbye, fifteen." She dropped her arms to her side. You looked up at the ceiling, preventing the tears in your eyes from sliding down your face. You took one last breath. Then you walked away.

and honest i can tell you now, i love you more than my future spouse — "i'd have to think about it" - leith ross

You brushed your hair as you gazed at yourself in the mirror. Suddenly, two hands wrapped around your waist from behind you, hugging you. “You look incredibly gorgeous, wifey.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes. “I don’t think you can call me that just yet.” You turned around and kissed your fiancé.

“Why not? I already have a ring on that finger.” She said before kissing you several times on the neck and cheek. You chuckled. “Casey!” You yelped in between giggles. “You’re gonna make me late for work.” Casey beamed. “You’re the boss now. You can go as late as you want to.” She said before repeatedly kissing you all over again as you playfully protested and writhed in her embrace. In the past year, Casey’s dad successfully completed an acquisition of a small women's sports media company, and the transition happened in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, you went from being just another content writer to the interim head of the newly formed media division, and then, astonishingly, to External Vice President of Communications. Initially, you struggled with feelings of guilt, questioning whether your rapid ascent was merely a result of nepotism. But as Casey reminded you, you worked harder than anyone else there and you fully deserved recognition. “Remind me again why you have to go to this press conference today.” Casey complained as she plopped down on the bed. You chuckled. “When in Paris…” You joked. “But seriously, I thought that since we will be here anyway, I might as well do the press-con instead of sending someone else to do it for me. Cost-cutting and all that…” She hummed in disappointment. “I hate it when you’re so responsible.” She complained. You re-applied your lipstick and straightened out the blazer you were wearing. You were finally seeing Jackie again after a long time. You two have gotten quite close since… the incident. You remembered dashing out of the hotel room and bumping into Jackie who was emerging from the elevator with drinks in hand. You two had an emotional exchange; quite frankly, you could not remember a single thing you two talked about. You just knew it ended with the Dutch girl hugging you tightly and telling you that it was all going to be okay. After that, Jackie and you had become quite close. You started off as casual Instagram mutuals. She would often respond to your stories, comment on posts, and chat with you. You hung out twice again after. You had drinks with her and her boyfriend when they visited California. Then, a spontaneous, double-date Universals Studio trip together at the end of her trip. Ever since then, you always kept up with each other's lives. You loved Jackie. Mostly because she was a great girl, partly because she never brought up the thing with Elisa without asking her not to, and… partly because you got to indirectly keep tabs on Elisa. You shot Jackie a quick text, letting her know you’d be at the press con today, as you settled into the media seats at the hotel conference room where today’s press-con was being held.

PSG had emerged as champions of the Première League in a historic win. Obviously, this meant there was a lot of attention on the team today. Luckily, your company was able to be granted a press pass to this conference despite not being a France-based company. As the other media people settled in, a staffer announced that the press conference would begin in a minute. You readied your recorder and notepad. Suddenly, cameras started snapping and the crowd started getting louder. You looked up from your seat to see the squad had arrived — Fabrice Abriel, Pauline Dudek, Jackie Groenen…

and Elisa de Almeida. You swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in your throat. You bit your lip as you took a deep breath. It had been over a year since you saw her. She looked the same but different. There was a glowy tan to her skin, her hair had grown out longer, and she had a happy look on her face, beaming with pride due to the win her team secured. You could see the pride sparkling in her eyes, and it made your heart ache in a way that felt both familiar and unsettling.

Elisa hadn’t noticed you yet, and part of you doubted she would. The press conference was buzzing with energy, reporters firing questions at her and the rest of the team. You found yourself mesmerized by how she spoke, her confidence shining through with every word. She seemed to have reached a new peak, a version of herself that was so sure of herself and confident.

As the questions flowed, you felt a small pang in her heart. She seemed like someone so distant from the person you knew. She seemed like a fully realized version of herself.

She was still Elisa but... different.

The moderator finally called for last questions, and before you could think twice, your hand shot up. The moment felt surreal, and you could feel the collective gaze of the room shifting towards you when the moderator pointed you out. As soon as she saw you, you noticed a change in Elisa’s demeanor; her face stiffened as your eyes locked. It was as if time had stopped, the air between you thick with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. You smiled weakly at her. You hesitated for a moment. “J'ai une question pour de Almeida.” You said. You were afraid your voice was too soft to hear but Elisa nodded at you, signaling you to continue. You chuckled and looked down for a moment, composing yourself. “Elisa,” You started. You looked up at her and made sure your eyes were locked. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” The question hung in the air, innocent yet charged with meaning. To anyone, it might have seemed like a generic question but it meant more to the two of you.

She paused. You could see her go through a spectrum of emotions within seconds. Her face dropped then she shook her head in amusement then she looked genuinely pensive. Looking down for a moment, as if gathering her thoughts, she eventually lifted her gaze to meet yours again. There was something vulnerable in her expression, something that made your breath hitch. “I see myself still playing football,” she began, responding to your question in English as well with her voice steady but tinged with an undercurrent of emotion. “By then, I’d be in my 30s… I’d be considered a, uh, senior citizen in Football.” There were a few chuckles in the crowd. “I know for sure that, I’ll still be playing for the club of my life – PSG, winning more leagues… and hopefully, I’d still be playing for the national team too. I still want to be fully immersed in Football…” Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath before continuing. “And for my personal life, I can’t say much…” Your heart almost stopped in anticipation. You didn’t know why you were so nervous but… the nature of the question and the memories of the past just made it difficult for you to remain calm. ”Five years from now, I want to be happy.” She said, eyes fixed on you and you alone as if you were the only people in the room. “I’d like to believe that I will be... regardless of whatever may happen.”

The way she said it… it just felt heavy and loaded with something you just couldn't decipher. You looked down and smiled as you shook your head, deciding it was better for you to take it as it is.

You looked up again. “C’est tout ce que je voulais pour toi.” (That’s all I ever wanted for you.) As you said those words, you felt your heart skip a beat.

The moment lingered, and for a heartbeat, it felt like the world outside the press conference faded away. You were just two people sharing a quiet understanding amid the chaos of the room. She gave you a weak smile and kept your eyes stayed locked together for too long. Later on, the moderator announced the end of the conference and the spell broke, pulling you back into reality. You broke your gaze and hurriedly gathered your stuff, readying to leave. You just felt like this was a better way to actually close this chapter… again, for the nth time. But it felt better than the last time, like you'd gone full circle.

As the conference ended, Elisa rushed towards you. She excused herself through the crowd, brushing off the journalists trying to ask more questions. You didn’t notice her make her way to you as you just rushed to get out of there and back to your fiancé. ”Fifteen,” She exclaimed out, hoping it would catch your attention. With that, you turned around. You saw her, standing a few meters from you. You paused for a pensive second. Shyly, you walked closer to her. You two were pressed awkwardly between the chairs scattered about and the people making their way out of the room. “Hey, Elisa.” You responded. She gave you a smile. “I like your hair.” She said, commenting on your haircut. “I mean… I saw it in Jackie’s Instagram story before but looks better in person.” You awkwardly thanked her and consciously touched your hair. “Oh, thanks.” There was another moment of awkwardness before Elisa began speaking again. ”D-do you wanna talk for a moment?” She said as she gestured towards the private area where her team was settling down. You hesitated but you nodded. A few people greeted her with congratulations and niceties as you made your way to a quiet corner.

Her teammates were packing up to leave. You caught a glimpse of Jackie who just gave you a smile and a wave; she seemed to understand what was happening and did not want to bother this moment. You both slipped away to a quiet corner, seeking refuge from the chatter and excitement that filled the room. The atmosphere felt charged, and the intimacy of this moment took you by surprise. “So… I didn’t expect to see you.” She started again. “Jackie never mentioned that you were…” ”Yeah, yeah,” You interjected with your words tumbling out a bit too quickly. “I’m in the city for a couple of weeks. She nodded, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile. “It’s so nice… seeing you again.” She complimented, holding your gaze a bit too intimately. “You look great.” You felt a warmth spread through you at her compliment, but unconsciously, you crossed your arms, as if trying to shield yourself from trying to be too friendly.

“You too… and congratulations, by the way.” You responded. “There’s a number of Lyon and Paris FC fans in the office that were very disappointed whenever PSG won but… I was always secretly rooting for you guys.” A chuckle escaped her lips, but you noticed the way her eyes flickered, as if taking in your reserved body language. She took a deep breath, her expression shifting slightly. “Jackie did mention you’re the head of this new media company,” she said, her voice softer now. “You must be… happy?” You nodded and genuinely smiled. “Yes, I’m really happy.” You responded. “And you?” For a moment, her face grew serious, and she looked down, as if gathering her thoughts and courage. You watched her closely, sensing a vulnerability beneath her confident exterior. Then, she looked up, taking a step closer. “Look, I—” she began, but hesitation crept into her words. Another deep breath, and this time, her eyes fell to the ring on your finger, the light catching the stone. ”Oh,” She said, surprise coloring her tone. She couldn't hide her reaction and her staring. "I guess there are other congratulations to be said.”

An awkward silence settled between you, the air thick with unspoken words. You felt a twinge of pain at the sudden shift, a flash of “what could have happened if it was us instead” darting through your mind. But it quickly faded as you’ve made yourself aware of the present. Here you were, two complete people. Six years ago, you left with broken up hearts after you had damaged each other. One year ago, you picked on each other’s last remaining chip, threatening to return to what you two were. But now, here you were. If your lives seemed so different a year ago… now, it seemed like you were in completely diverging paths. A quiet sadness lingered in the space between you, intertwined with a flicker of something resolute. You exchanged genuine smiles, a silent understanding dawning that this was the real closure you both needed.

Elisa’s smile softened, taking on a warmth that felt both comforting and vulnerable. “You know, I never reciprocated,” she said, her words almost a whisper, catching you off guard.

“Hm?” you replied curiosly.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, her gaze drifting as if she were contemplating. When she looked back at your eyes, you could see so much vulnerability and warmth in her eyes that it made your heart race. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

You paused, the question hanging in the air. You paused with a racing mind. There was so much to be said about your new dreams, aspirations, goals. You couldn't find the right words.

Then, unexpectedly, a laugh bubbled up from within you — unexpected but genuine. It didn't take long for Elisa to chuckle along with you. The laughter felt freeing, as if it released the tension that had built up.

You didn’t respond, but you felt like you didn’t have to. Your eyes locked together and you gave her a warm smile, feeling a surge of affection. You said, “It was so nice knowing you, Elisa." Her smiled shifted slightly with an unreadable look in her eyes. She responded with a nod and a genuine tone. “And it was nice loving you.”

i love you too much to drift completely wait for me, i'll be back because you hold in my tide i would die a thousand times just to see you in another life — "love letter from the sea to the shore" - delaney bailey

a/n: thank you for reading this fic! please reblog if you liked it! this is my first time writing angst so please be nice 🙏 anyway, this was so enjoyable to write hehe. if any of you want to see me write about anything else, just send me a message or an ask!

#Spotify #woso community #woso fic #woso fanfic #woso x reader #elisa de almeida #elisa de almeida x reader #elisa de almeida fic #woso imagine

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quillkiller · 3 days ago

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seven scenes from a marriage

a bellareg marriage au & house of black study

— cw: incest, abuse, unhealthy relationships, 1.2k words.

Sirius leaves, is disowned, and no one knows what to do with you. You hear your mother spouting curses and traitor, traitor, traitor, and she looks at you like you’re dead weight, now. And you understand her, you do. You’ve always pitied your mother, looked down on her for giving birth to three daughters and not a single son.

You’re not a son (that’s your curse), but at least you would’ve always been a Black; and now you’re dead weight.

You hate him, your favorite cousin, the one you taught how to hold his wand right. Your co-conspirator at miserable family functions, your own flesh and blood— a traitor.

ii.

Regulus is made heir, your soft spoken baby cousin. Sirius’ little brother, his constant shadow, always one step behind him unless you could manage to steal your older cousin away for a few hours.

It’s strange seeing Regulus without his brother in front of him, covering him like a shield, and you think it’s the first time you’ve properly seen your baby cousin. He looks wobbly on his knees, like a weak comparison to his older brother. It’s strange following his gaze and not finding Sirius at the end of it.

Your mother doesn’t want you to marry him and your father strikes her with an open fist to remind her of her place. He says, you’re not a Black, and then, you don’t decide who my daughter marries.

Regulus is heir, now, after all, and you’re just a girl despite having eight years on your baby cousin.

He’s malleable, though, like clay, and you’ve got strong hands and sharp teeth.

You give him the Black smirk and a wink. He flushes a pretty pink at that, lips parted and long eyelashes fluttering as he tries to hide behind an imaginary body.

You think, sweet little lamb, as you crowd him like the predatory wolf that always lived inside you.

iii.

He looks at you so sweetly, your baby cousin. As if you’re his guiding star, like he needs you; like he used to need his big brother— and you struggle a little not to see him as a blushing seventeen year old kid instead of the heir of house Black.

Regulus has always watched you, mostly whenever you interacted with Sirius, as if you were standing in his way or, sometimes, as if he wanted what belonged to his brother: you.

You let him touch you and he’s so gentle, like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands or where to put them. So you do it for him, your back against the wall in his childhood bedroom. He calls you pretty, so pretty, and it’s easy to believe him when his lips are trembling, his hands shaking.

You were never pretty, that was always for your younger sisters.

It’s Regulus’ birthday so he goes down on one knee and puts a ring on your finger. His gray eyes never leave your gray eyes. His lips taste like home, like solidity, and you bite down to taste some of your shared blood. Sealing the deal.

You tell Narcissa about it over tea, showing off your ring, and you’re both laughing. You tell her how sweet he was, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed to touch you, stars in his eyes and bending to your every will. Narcissa can’t stop giggling, that’s our baby cousin! And you laugh, too, and say, he’s my fiancé, actually, and you give her a wink.

Regulus writes to you every week while he’s doing his last year at Hogwarts. He finishes the letters off with kisses every time. He complains about Sirius and you roll your eyes.

He writes, I can’t wait to be yours, and you forget, for a moment, that you’re the girl.

You write him back, you wanna be my wife, cousin? because you can’t help yourself. It’s going to your head.

He writes, please.

iv.

You’re a married woman and you can’t help but resent how well it suits you. It was your biggest nightmare growing up, the end of your delusions about autonomy that you never really had in the first place. You’re a girl, something to be handed over and dealt with. First you belong to your father, then you’re supposed to belong to your husband.

All girls grow up just to become their mothers. At the hands of husbands like their fathers.

Regulus isn’t like his father. Or your father. He’s not even like his brother. He’s heir, and you’re his wife— and people respect him more than they respect you. That’s to be expected.

It’s different behind closed doors, though. As if the roles are reversed. Regulus looks to you, as if asking you to take the reins. Like he’s a marionette and you’re holding the strings.

It’s a heady feeling, being man of the house.

Regulus looks to you, so he takes the mark because you ask him to, because it’s what’s best for him. And you want what’s best for him.

He doesn’t ask questions, only gives you that look that goes to your head before he straddles your lap and says, you take such good care of us, and you pull him closer by the waist and say, I’ll always take care of you, darling.

Because you do, you take care of you and yours.

vi.

There are whispers of a cave, the sea, but they get smothered with ink and death. As if they’re whispers from another life, far from here.

Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, and it’s cold and dark, and you’ll panic for just a second, like you might never feel happiness again. Then you turn on the lights.

You rise to the top, hand in hand, Mr and Mrs. Black. The Dark Lord speaks directly to you, like you’re a person, like you’re worth listening to. Your husband stands at your back, you cover him like a shield— and he’s always one step behind you.

The Dark Lord takes a liking to you both. He lets you sit the closest to him, your husband to your right. The others give you strange looks whenever they forget themselves.

You don’t let them forget themselves.

vii.

It works— you’re happy and it works.

You’re enough like Sirius that Regulus can fall in love with you, and eventually he stops giving you that searching look of his. He stops trying to find his brother in your eyes— until all he sees is you.

It’s easy to dote on him. He’s soft and pliant, you lead and he follows. It’s almost love, for you. You love him because he’s your cousin and because he let you remain a Black. You love your marriage, the power, being man of the house.

You’re a good match and you remember cursing Sirius for abandoning you, and now you wouldn’t trade this for anything.

You take care of you and yours. He stays faithful and submissive like a wife, and he smiles so sweetly when he smells another woman’s perfume on your robes; like he’s just grateful you came home to him, because that’s what matters.

Your mistresses mean nothing to me, he says, you’re my wife, so you kiss him to let him know who you belong to.

He keeps you out of Azkaban, you make him a believer.

It works— you’re happy and it works.

#THIS IS HOW WE SAVE REGULUS BLACK #AND BELLATRIX #!!!!!!!!!!#sorry. i’ve been crazy about them.#can you tell ive been obsessed with the targaryen lineage…#im about to targaryenify the entire house of black..#also. should i post this on ao3……??#i might..#bellatrix black #regulus black #bellareg #bellareg marriage au #jen’s microfics

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tortillamastersblog · 18 hours ago

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➶The Bet - Part 2 | Kate Bishop➴

Pairing: Kate Bishop x reader

Warnings: angst

Summary: Being known as the quiet and reserved student, you mind your own business and stay out of people’s way.

Kate Bishop is the exact opposite. Outgoing, bubbly, and loud, she’s the definition of a popular girl, so it comes as a surprise when she asks you out on a random Thursday afternoon.

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

_______________________________________________

After taking my headphones out, I unlock the front door of my apartment and step inside.

“Hey, are you making dinner?” I call out, taking off my running shoes. “It smells gre—EY!” I pull the damp dish towel that was just chucked at me off my face and glare at my roommate Riley. “What the hell?”

She’s standing in the hallway with her arms crossed. “You’ve been avoiding me for two days now, so, spill! What’s going on with you?”

I sigh and peel off my sweaty shirt, tossing it into the laundry room close by. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been busy studying.”

Riley raises an eyebrow and uncrosses her arms. “We’re both majoring in Chemistry, Y/N, and there aren’t any exams coming up, so talk.”

I chuckle softly and brush past her to see what she’s been up to in the kitchen. “I hate how well you know me.”

Simmering in a pot on the stove is a delicious smelling chili and I can’t help but grab a spoon to try some. Before I can lower the spoon into the pot though, Riley snatches it out of my hand.

“Nope. You don’t get to eat until you tell me what you’re trying to hide,” she scolds and I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking about how I’m going to handle this.

The reason I haven’t told her about Kate yet is because she’ll lecture me about why I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with her in the first place.

Riley knows me better than anyone and she’ll point out all the reasons why Kate and I won’t work, and I just don’t want to deal with all that when I’m only starting to get to know Kate.

We’ve gotten coffee every day since our first date two days ago and we have a dinner scheduled at her place tomorrow night.

We haven’t held hands, or kissed yet, but I can see us heading in that direction and I don’t want anyone to interfere. Especially not Riley even though she’s only trying to look out for me.

“Well. . .” I place my hand on the counter and trace the pattern of the marble with my finger. “I’ve been kind of going out with Kate Bishop and I didn’t tell you because I was scared you were going to judge me for it.”

Riley doesn’t say anything, so when I look up I’m surprised to find her looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Why would you think I’d judge you for that? I’ve been telling you to get yourself out there for a while now.”

She sounds genuinely hurt that I didn’t tell her which makes me feel somewhat guilty. “No, I know you would never judge me for dating, but I’m not just seeing anyone. This is Kate Bishop we’re talking about and—“

“Okay, yes, it is a little unusual that you’re going out with her of all people,” she admits, handing back my spoon so I can finally taste the chili, “but who am I to tell you what to do? Does she make you happy?”

I smile instinctively, thinking about the time I’ve spent with Kate so far. “She does.” I blush a little and smile softly. “She’s funny and kind, and I honestly don’t mind how bubbly she is. It’s actually quite endearing.”

I’m usually not a fan of loud and energetic people, but I don’t mind it when it comes to her.

“Oh my God.” Riley laughs and slaps me with another dish towel. “Look at you, you’re absolutely smitten with her!”

My blush intensifies and I take the towel away from her. “I am not!”

“Sure, you’re not.“ She cackles and I just roll my eyes, turning away to finally try the chili.

“This is great.” I nod in approval and turn back around to find Riley still grinning like a kid in a candy store. “Oh, shut up!“

“What?!” She shrugs. “I didn’t even say anything.”

I narrow my eyes. “Mhmm. But you wanted to, you little shit. . . I’m going to take a shower now.”

She laughs, but doesn’t say anything else, so I turn around and leave with a small smile on my face.

Even though she can be super annoying, she’s like a sister to me and I wouldn’t change her for the world.

I fidget with the tulips in my left hand and the bottle of wine in my right, waiting anxiously for Kate to open the door.

It’s five minutes to seven and I know I’m early because we agreed I’d be here at seven, but it’s better to be a little early than a little too late.

Riley told me to get Kate some real flowers this time rather than just a paper flower after I told her about our coffee date which is why I swung by a florist on the way here.

I didn’t want to get her roses because that’s just a little too on the nose for me, so the choice was between carnations and tulips. In the end, I went with the pink and purple tulips because I noticed purple is her favorite color.

“Y/N, hey!”

My head snaps up at the sound of Kate’s breathless voice and when my eyes land on her I can’t help but smile. She’s dressed casually, wearing jeans and a purple sweater and even though she’s trying to seem calm I can tell she’s a little breathless, probably because she had to rush to the door.

“Hi, you look nice.” I compliment after clearing my throat. Then I raise the bouquet of tulips and the bottle of wine, adding, “I come bearing gifts.”

That makes her laugh as she steps aside to let me into the apartment. “I told you not to bring anything.”

I smile at her and feel butterflies in my stomach when I notice her ears turning red. “I know, but it’s not polite to show up somewhere empty handed, so. . . These are for you.” I hold out the flowers once she’s closed the door behind us.

Kate’s eyes dart back and forth between me and the flowers before hesitantly reaching for them. “You got me flowers?” she whispers and I’m not sure why, but her voice is laced with disbelief and sorrow.

I frown and let her take them from me, trying to momentarily ignore how my hand tingles when her fingers brush against it. “I— Yeah, I thought you might like them, but if you don’t I can just—“

“No, no, no.” She shakes her head and looks at me with a pained smile. “I like them. They’re beautiful, it’s just. . . “

“It’s just. . .?” I raise an eyebrow and wait for her to go on, but she just studies me with a strange look in her eyes.

It’s almost as if she’s sad about something, but then she exhales shakily and puts on a smile. “Forget about it. They are beautiful. Thank you.”

What was that?! Did I do something wrong? I knew I shouldn’t have listened to Riley! She hates the flowers! Shit.

“Uh— Okay. . . You’re welcome, I guess,” I stammer, wishing the ground would just open up beneath me and swallow me whole.

Seemingly unaware of the sudden tension, Kate puts the flowers down on the dresser next to us before taking the wine out of my hands as well so it’s easier for me to take off my jacket.

“So, tell me what’s new. What have you been up to today?“ she asks casually while I take off my jacket.

Okay, I guess we’re moving on from whatever the hell that just was. . .

“Nothing much,” I say honestly. “I went for a run and helped my roommate Riley install some new bookshelves. What about you?”

Kate takes my jacket and puts it in the closet while I toe off my wet boots. It rained earlier today and even though it stopped a while ago, the streets are still wet and I don’t want to ruin her floors by keeping my shoes on.

“I had fencing practice this morning and then I hung out with Greer and Franny,” she says, picking up the tulips and handing me the bottle of wine. “They told me to say hi by the way.”

I smile at that and try not to combust when Kate takes a hold of my hand and pulls me into the living room.

I’ve never actually spoken to Greer and Franny, but I know they’re Kate’s friends and ever since she asked me out they greet me in the hallways with knowing smiles.

“Alright.” Kate stops in the kitchen and drops my hand to put the flowers into a vase. “I’m a horrible cook, so I thought we could order some dinner and then maybe watch a movie?”

“Sounds like a plan.” I smile and watch her grab a bottle opener from a drawer, “but I thought you invited me over so we could cook something together?”

That is exactly what she said when we made tonight’s plans and even though I’m fine with just ordering in, I want to know what’s changed, or why she asked to cook together in the first place.

Kate hands me the bottle opener and smiles sheepishly. “I know. I thought cooking together would be kind of cute and you agreed, but then I remembered I can’t cook after you’d already left and I didn’t want to change our plans again and—“

“Kate,” I say, my voice laced with amusement. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. I just wanted to know.”

Worried blue eyes meet my own and when I smile again, she relaxes and pushes two empty wine glasses toward me. “Right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I reassure her and open the wine before filling each of our glasses. “So, what did you have in mind? Pizza?”

She nods and grabs a takeout menu off the fridge. “Yeah, there’s this great place around the corner that makes the best pizza’s in the city. I know the owner and every time I order something he makes sure to put an extra helping of cheese on the pizza.“

I smile at how excited she looks and tell her to just order whatever she wants.

“Are you sure? I usually just get a cheese pizza. If that’s too boring though we can—“

Here she goes again, rambling like there’s no tomorrow.

I put my hand over her fidgeting one on the counter which makes her shut up immediately. I’ve never initiated a touch before and as soon as our eyes connect I can’t remember why.

“I told you, I’m fine with whatever, so if you want cheese pizza, order cheese pizza,” I say quietly without breaking eye contact.

It makes Kate gulp before she nods slowly. “Okay.” Her blue eyes dart between my own and for a split second they even drop to my lips.

Knowing it’s too early in the night for a kiss though, I take my hand back and lift my glass of wine. “Cheers?”

It takes a moment for Kate to recover, but once she’s snapped out of her trance she grabs her own wine and we clink glasses. “Cheers.”

We both take a sip and I watch how Kate’s eyes widen slightly at the taste of the wine as soon as it hits her tongue. She glances at the bottle before looking back at me with raised eyebrows. “How much did you pay for that bottle?” she asks.

I just shrug and take another sip before answering. “Nothing. It was a gift from my dad. It’s been collecting dust on my shelf ever since he died because there was never an occasion to open it until now.“

Kate chokes slightly and sets the glass down. Her eyes fill with the same strange emotion as before when I gave her the flowers and I don’t like it, not one bit.

Nevertheless, I ask her if she’s okay, but she just waves me off.

“I’m fine. I’m okay.” She doesn’t look at me though and picks up her phone and the takeout menu. “Why don’t you pick out a movie while I order dinner? I’m fine with whatever as long as it’s not a horror movie.“

I frown and watch her, but she refuses to meet my eyes, so I agree. “O-Okay.”

“My laptop is on the bed upstairs. The password is 1234,” she says, dialing the number of the restaurant.

Trying to lighten the mood again I joke and say, “That’s not a very secure password for someone whose family owns a security company,” but Kate doesn’t react the way she normally would.

She barely even smiles and I take that as my cue to just leave her alone for the time being.

What is going on? It seems like I keep saying the wrong thing. . .

I brush it off as best as I can and just climb the stairs up to the loft where I find Kate’s laptop on her bed. Not sure where she wants to watch the movie, I take a seat on the edge of the unmade bed and open her laptop.

I put in the password and open Netflix, scrolling through some movies while she orders the pizza downstairs.

“Pizza’s gonna be here in twenty minutes,” she says, coming up the stairs after hanging up. She’s acting like nothing happened again which is a little irritating, but I don’t want it to spoil our time together, so I let it slide. Again. “Have you picked a movie yet?”

I turn the computer and show her what I chose. “Is this okay?”

Kate beams and jumps on the bed. “Yes! I love Grown Ups! C’mere.” She pats the space beside her and I join her on the bed properly, leaning back against the headboard.

I’m about to start the movie, when Kate jumps to her feet again with an apologetic smile. “Hold on.”

She darts down the stairs and comes back up a couple of seconds later with our wine glasses and the bottle of wine in hand. She puts everything on the nightstand before climbing over me to her side of the bed.

It makes me hold my breath until she’s settled in next to me. “Ready?” I ask, my voice a little gruff.

Kate doesn’t notice the effect she has on me and nods before resting her head on my shoulder. “Yup.”

I press play and try to focus on the opening credits of the movie, but her head on my shoulder is making me nervous.

It’s a good kind of nervous, one I haven’t felt in a long time, but I’m nervous nonetheless and it doesn’t help when Kate, after ten minuets, brushes her fingers over the inside of my wrist.

I glance at her and see she’s focused on the movie, so I try to do the same, but then her touch drifts lower, across the palm of my hand until she slips her fingers between my own.

It makes my breath hitch, and Kate goes to pull her hand back, but I hold onto it and run my thumb over the back of her own.

Satisfied, she sighs quietly and leans against me and continues watching the movie.

I try to focus on the movie as well but all I can concentrate on is her hand in my own, her head on my shoulder, and the sound of her soft laugh every time something funny happens on screen.

I take note of how she smells, an intoxicating mix of expensive perfume and vanilla body wash, and admire the way some strands of her black hair have escaped her ponytail and are now framing her face.

She’s absolutely breathtaking and even though I’ve known she’s beautiful ever since I met her, I’ve never actually looked at her, like, really looked at her like this.

It’s only when Kate squeezes my hand that I realize I’ve been caught staring and I quickly look away, pretending to focus on the movie.

Seemingly not wanting to let it go though, Kate moves even closer and whispers, “Are you okay?”

“Mhmm.” I don’t dare to speak because I’m sure my voice would fail me right now if I tried. I can feel my neck heating up and force myself to keep staring at the laptop screen.

“You sure?” she whispers again and when I only nod in reply, she shifts closer and turns her head so I’m forced to look at her.

The intensity of her blue eyes in the low light makes my mouth go dry and I swallow harshly to get rid of the nervousness bubbling up in my throat.

“I’m sure,” I croak, but I’m anything but okay when her gaze, for the second time tonight, drops to my lips.

This is it. . .

I swallow again and let my own eyes dart down to her lips. “Can I—“ kiss you?

I don’t get to finish my question because the sound of the doorbell ringing cuts me off.

Kate and I jump apart and I blink rapidly to gather my thoughts while Kate scrambles over me to go downstairs and open the door.

Holy shit, we almost kissed! Kate Bishop almost kissed me?!

I run my fingers through my hair and close my eyes for a moment before grabbing my phone to distract myself.

Rye (7:17 PM)

How’s it going? Did she like the flowers?

Rye (7:23 PM)

Are you like making out? Is that why you haven’t answered me yet?

Rye (7:25 PM)

You guys are totally making out right now. I’m so jealous. I should ask Chad to come over. . .

I roll my eyes and smile at her messages before typing a quick response.

You (7:27 PM)

You’re such an idiot.

No, we’re not making out, we’re just watching a movie. Get your mind out of the gutter, pervert.

DON’T text Chad, Riley! That guy is a fuckboy who left you in tears the last time you saw him.

Riley reads my messages and immediately starts typing a response and because Kate’s still talking to the delivery guy downstairs, I don’t put my phone down just yet.

Rye (7:27 PM)

You’re so lame but I know you’re right. I’m not going to text him

Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t want you to hit him again

I roll my eyes, remembering how she couldn’t stop me from punching Chad in the face when he showed up at our apartment to get Riley back after cheating on her.

I’m usually not the confrontational type, I mean, I barely even speak to anyone except Riley, but after they broke up, Riley was devastated and I just had to do something when he showed up drunk and tried to push past me to get to her.

Rye (7:28 PM)

As for you and Kate though. . . Just kiss already!

I know you want to I can see it in your eyes when you talk about her ;)

You (7:28 PM)

Oookay, that’s enough. I’m putting my phone down now.

I’ll be home around ten.

DON’T TEXT CHAD!

I see Riley typing something else, but I turn off my phone before she hits send because I hear Kate making her way back up the stairs.

The tension from before is gone, but she still smiles shyly when our eyes connect.

“How much do I owe you?” I ask when she gets back on the bed with the pizza box in hand.

I guess we’re eating in bed. . .

I couldn’t deal with any crumbs in my own bed, but if Kate doesn’t mind, I won’t object.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s on me,” she says, opening the box and offering me a slice.

I raise an eyebrow and take it, making sure to eat over the box as much as possible to prevent too many crumbs from landing on the bed. “Kate—“

She shakes her head and takes a big bite of her own slice. “Nope, you brought flowers and expensive wine and you payed for all my coffees so far. The least I can do is pay for a pizza.” I go to object again, but she just shakes her head again and presses a finger to my lips. “Hush now. Let’s continue watching the movie.”

I nod dumbly, and absentmindedly touch my tingling lips when she takes her finger away to start the movie again.

We eat in silence, actually watching the movie until the pizza is gone and we’re both full. I take the box off her lap and put it on the ground next to the bed before grabbing my glass of wine and taking a sip.

“You want some, too?” I ask and when she nods I hand her her own glass after topping it off.

She smiles in thanks and takes a big sip, her eyes lingering on me a moment longer than necessary before she goes back to watching the movie.

All of a sudden, the tension is back and I once again struggle to focus on the movie. She is just too damn distracting and when her hand brushes against mine I jump slightly and down the rest of my wine.

Kate chuckles softly at my reaction and empties her own glass before placing it on the nightstand on her side of the bed.

Then, she does something that almost makes my heart flatline. She takes the laptop off my thighs and sets it on the bed next to her before throwing her leg over my hips and straddling my lap.

My eyes widen and I stare at her slack-jawed. The movie is now completely forgotten and all I can focus on is the weight of her on me and the way she sets her hands on my shoulders.

“Kate. . .” I say, my voice low and scratchy.

“Yes?” she smirks, obviously knowing exactly what kind of effect she has on me as she moves her hands to touch the side of my neck and the underside of my jaw.

Just kiss already!

Riley’s text flashes through my mind and I hesitantly place my hands on Kate’s thighs.

My breath is coming out in uneven bursts and it takes everything in me not to just lean up and brush my lips against hers.

“Can I—“ I clear my throat, transfixed by the blue eyes darting all over my face. “Can I kiss you?”

No turning back now.

Kate’s smirk turns into a shy smile and she nods, cupping my cheeks. “I thought you’d never ask,” she mumbles and I lean up, brushing my lips against hers.

For a second neither of us moves, but then Kate tentatively moves her lips against mine and my stomach fills with butterflies. I close my eyes and kiss her back, tasting the wine she had just a moment ago on her lips.

It’s thrilling and intoxicating and I can’t help but groan when she shifts on my lap and deepens the kiss by running her tongue over my bottom lip.

My grip on her thighs tightens and when she allows me to slip my tongue into her mouth, I wrap my arms around her lower back and pull her closer.

“Fuck, you’re good,” Kate pants against my mouth and moves one of her hands to the back of my neck to pull me even closer.

I just continue kissing her, not knowing what to respond to that, and delight in the way her breath hits my lips every now and then.

Kissing her is even better than I imagined and I feel a shiver run up my spine when she moans softly against my lips when my fingers dig into her lower back.

“Shit.” She curses softly when I trail my lips down her neck, biting softly every now and then before running my tongue over the affected skin.

I’m not planning on going any further than this because I’m not ready to take that step yet, but Kate seems to think otherwise because when I move up to kiss her lips again, her hands slide down my chest and she grabs a hold of the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up.

I break the kiss with furrowed eyebrows and grab her hands. “Wait, I-I can’t do this.”

Realizing her mistake, Kate pulls her hands back with a guilty look on her face. “Right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I-I got caught up in the moment. I’m sorry.”

I sigh and grab her hands again, lacing our fingers together. I’m not mad at her, not at all. It’s actually quite flattering that she wants to do more, but I’m just not ready yet. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, but. . . Let’s just take it slow, okay?”

She nods, embarrassed, and looks away, so I let go of one of her hands and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Kate, look at me.” I dip my head to catch her eye and smile when she finally looks at me. “It’s okay. We’re okay. I’m not mad, I swear. I like you, a lot—“ her lips twitch shyly and I don’t miss the way her ears turn red—“ and I want to go there with you eventually just. . . not now, okay?”

I squeeze her hand reassuringly and run my thumb over her cheek until she nods.

“Good, now. . . Where were we?” I smile cheekily and tilt my head up until I feel her breath on my lips, giving her the chance to initiate another kiss if she wants to.

Letting go of my hand so she can wrap her arms around my neck, Kate pecks my lips before resting her forehead against mine. “I like you too and. . . I know you told me not to apologize, but I am sorry. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable and I don’t mind waiting for you.”

I swallow thickly and press a kiss to the corner of her lips before hiding my face in the crook of her neck. My ex always used sex against me, guilting me into it to make herself feel better, so this kind of understanding makes me emotional. “Thank you.”

Kate holds me closer for a couple of minutes until her phone rings.

She pulls it put of her back pocket and glances at the screen. “That’s my mom,” she says with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, but I should answer. I told her not to call unless it was important.”

I nod and let her get off my lap, watching her go downstairs to answer the call after giving me another quick kiss.

Once she’s gone, I chuckle in disbelief and close my eyes.

She likes me. She kissed me. . .

I feel myself smiling at the memory of her lips on mine and open my eyes again to grab the laptop and pause the movie we completely forgot about.

As I go to pause it though, a message pops up in the upper right corner of the screen and I can’t help but read it.

Greer @FKG (8:01 PM)

So?! What’s happening, Kate? How’s the date going?

I blush at the message, realizing her phone is connected to her computer. It’s a little embarrassing that Kate’s friends know about us spending the evening together, but it’s not like we’re a secret, so I should have expected she’d tell them.

Franny @FKG (8:01 PM)

I bet it’s going well. Have you guys kissed yet?

My cheeks heat up even more, but then another message pops up and it makes my heart sink.

Greer @FKG (8:02 PM)

I sure hope so! I have a lot of money riding on this. Remember @Kate, if you hook up Franny owes both of us fifty bucks ;)

Franny @FKG (8:02 PM)

Fifty?! I thought we said twenty!

Greer @FKG (8:02 PM)

Nu-uh! We said twenty if they kiss on the first date and fifty if they hook up within a week.

I slam the laptop shut, not wanting to read any more and try to blink back the tears pricking my eyes.

Of course all of this was too good to be true. . . I mean, what could Kate Bishop possibly want from someone like me? I should have seen this coming when she asked me out.

I feel like a fool for not realizing that all of this was just a game to her and get off the bed just as she comes back up the stairs.

My hands are shaking and I feel sick, realizing that I have to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Maybe Riley should have judged me and told me it was a bad idea because I would have listened to her, but no, she just had to be supportive. . .

I don’t blame Riley, not really, because she thought I finally found someone who actually makes me happy. Hell, I thought I found someone who makes me happy, but as it turns out we both thought wrong.

“Can you believe it? My mom called because she wanted to ask me to join her for lunch tomorrow. I swear, I told her not to call unless. . .” Kate trails off when she notices the tears in my eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She lifts a hand to touch my cheek but I step back, wiping at a tear that managed to escape my eye.“Don’t touch me.” I hiss through gritted teeth, grabbing my phone off the nightstand.

Her eyes widen in surprise and she drops her hand again, her eyebrows furrowing. “Okay. . . Uh— What happened?”

I scoff and clench my jaw.

I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

Sniffling slightly, I go to brush past her and leave, but she grabs my wrist even though I explicitly told her not to touch me.

“Hey, what’s going on? Where are you going?” she asks, her blue eyes full of worry.

“Let go.” My voice is dangerously low and when I couple it with a glare, Kate immediately lets go.

I watch as her worry gets replaced by confusion before finally stepping past her.

“Wait, where are you going?” she asks, daring to follow me down the stairs.

I make my way to the front door without answering and bend down to slip my shoes on.

I’m never going on a date again. I’ll just lock myself in my room for the rest of my life and die alone.

I get back up and open the closet to grab my jacket, only to freeze mid reach when Kate snaps at me.

“Hey!”

I turn around slowly and ball my hands into fists, seeing the immediate regret on Kate’s face when our eyes meet.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap it’s just— One moment we were fine, kissing and cuddling and drinking wine, and the next you’re storming out without even telling me why. . .” She sounds and looks desperate, her voice low and pleading.

I blink away a new wave of tears and stop glaring at her to show her how I actually feel, how hurt I am by what she did. “Why? Because you and your friends made a fucking bet, that’s why!” I shout, my voice breaking. “Twenty dollars for kissing me on the first date and fifty for fucking me within the span of a week, right?”

Kate eyes widen and she steps back as though I just slapped her. “H-How—?“

Hot tears stream down my cheeks and I don’t even bother to wipe them away anymore.

She’s not even trying to deny it.

“It doesn’t matter how I know,” I cry, interrupting her. “You used me, Kate! Do you know how that makes me feel?! I thought you were sweet and that you genuinely liked me, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and said yes when you asked me out, but it turns out you’re just like everyone else. You’re selfish and cruel, and I regret not walking out on you when you approached me in the library four days ago.”

I take a shaky breath and force myself not to feel guilty when I see the regret and devastation on her face. She’s crying as well now, but even though I hate seeing her like this, I don’t apologize and I don’t move to comfort her.

She should be the one apologizing!

“Y/N. . .” Shee steps closer and lifts her hands as if to touch me, but I take a step back and shake my head.

“No, just. . .don’t.” I take my jacket out of the closet and put it on. “I don’t ever want to speak to you again, Kate. Good night.”

I open the front door with shaking hands and step outside, ignoring the sobs that echo down the hall as I make my way to the elevator.

So much for getting myself out there again. . .

_______________________________________________

Phew, that was a long one. Hope you guys enjoyed it! It was definitely fun to write.

I still don’t know how I’m going to end this little fic, but the third and last part will hopefully be out this same time next week.

I’m super busy studying at the moment, so it’s difficult to find the time and energy to write, but I’m trying my best.

Love,

Soph <3

#x reader #marvel #mcu #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop #kate x reader #angst

34 notes · View notes

ohsohoney · 2 days ago

Text

When it comes to love you're just as blinded.

Part Fourteen

Eminem x Musician

Summary: It starts with a drunk embarrassing video, it spirals into something a whole lot more.

Note: Been a little while but the next updates here! Lots to unpack, hope you enjoy it:)

| Set in 2014, just after the release of LP 2

taglist: @thelastemzy @helloitsme1223 @geekchic48

Masterlist

Things after that seemingly did a 360.

Not that I was given much of a chance to catch up with it all though, having been left standing in the studio hours earlier, back to the wall whilst the door hinges had slowly creaked to a close.

No, because that would have been far too much to ask for.

Marshall had relaxed in a way that was more like a steel trap being reset; ready and waiting to be crossed again. It had me on edge. I couldn’t deny that, seeing as I knew what could be lying in wait for me if I did dare to trample any closer, but there was also an ominous instinct that had my back up. Something that kept me from lingering too long.

“What’s goin’ on in there?” The man himself asked, tapping my forehead as he slid back into the driver's seat.

We’d gone out, as promised, not long after ‘The Change’ had occurred (something I’d taken to dubbing the whole situation as inside my head). Rosie hadn’t forgotten about her idea of dinner and a movie– and really… Of all the things we could have possibly done after a kiss like that, it just had to be this.

Honestly, I had to keep biting the inside of my cheek to stop that particular train of thought each time I found my mind wandering back to it.

“Yoo-hoo…” Marshall dragged out, his brow arching as he glanced over at me again.

Z was in the back typing away, having become completely unaware of our shared awkward existence ever since her sister had first called whilst we’d been eating dinner. The girl had taken to texting throughout, telling Ayla all about the heroics Marshall had performed that same morning in the principal's office, as well as the movie we were now headed to see. I had to smile at their closeness, thinking back to my own siblings and wondering how Em struggled to see just how much the two girls loved one another.

I glanced over at him, head rolling against the headrest. He was watching me with those familiar baby blues, but each time I caught sight of them, I was instantly reminded of the way they’d clouded over in the studio earlier.

“Thinking ‘bout getting a cat.”

His brow furrowed.

“A cat?” He deadpanned, obviously perplexed by my answer.

I wasn’t actually thinking about it, but now that I’d gone and said it… it wasn’t half a bad idea.

So I ultimately shrugged, if only in an attempt to tear my eyes away from his. “Cats are cool.”

At his scoff of disagreement, I nudged his arm off of the adjoining console with my elbow, “They are.” I defended, “They don’t need me to walk them or play fetch. They’re cute and fluffy, can definitely keep me warm at night.” I hummed, that eyebrow of his quirked up higher. “And besides, I reckon it could keep me company when I’m back in London, you know. Figure I’ll have a hard time with that after having you two around for so long– even with Lotts there to keep me from going insane.”

Marshall kept quiet at the acknowledgement, but did start up the car, its engine rumbling to life beneath us not a second later.

It was just when I heard his faint intake of breath and caught the way he opened his mouth to speak, that Rosie shoved her phone in my face, her beaming grin peeking out over my shoulder. “Ayla, meet El!”

I blinked at the sudden invasion I’d been confronted with but couldn’t help my warm laughter, even as Em gently scolded his daughter for the intrusion. “Z, what I keep tellin’ you?”

“But Dad, it’s important!”

My gaze flickered between the two of them and it was only when I drew my eyes back down to where the screen sat between us that I saw the fondness which had since swarmed my expression. I tried to dampen it slightly without being too obvious, but the girl waiting seemed to be watching the whole scene rather intently. She smiled though when she saw she’d finally captured my attention. All soft like.

My breath caught a little in truth, never really having thought about getting to meet Marshall’s eldest this early on, or through a screen either. Rosie didn’t seem to care much though, elbowing her way between the two front seats to get as much as she could of us into the frame.

“Layly, baby!” Marshall’s greeting cut in before I could spit out a hello, his little nickname for his girls sparking that same fondness I’d felt earlier. “How you doin’, Trailer? Behavin’, I hope.”

I blew out a small snort at the next nickname he used, turning an amused smile Marshall’s way, but his focus was wholly on the girl currency rolling her eyes at him through a digital frame. “You know I am.” Ayla huffed around a faint chuckle, leaning in closer to the lens, “School keeps me way too busy to get up to anything stupid.”

“What I love to hear.” Marshall replied with a sarky sort of smile, a new one that I could add to my growing collection, I quietly deemed. “You been good though?” He prompted further, “Don’t have to stop by and talk to any hanger-ons, do I? ‘Cause you know I will.”

“Yes, I know.” Ayla shook her head, exasperated, but her sweet smile was still so prominent. “Besides, I think you guys have had enough drama going on lately.”

Marshall’s eyes traitorously jumped over to meet mine in that split second, something I thought only I caught until I witnessed the assessing look Ayla took on. So I was quick to clear my throat, internally cursing his name, “I don’t know what Z’s told you, but the two of us? We’re innocent! This is all on your Dad.”

That seemed to earn me a lighthearted laugh, one that trickled out of the speaker and appeared to loosen Marshall’s tense set of shoulders. The man in turn levelled Rosie and I with an aggrieved look before he turned to speak to Ayla once more, “It’s like I’m a one man army here, AB. Didn’t think I’d ever lose Z, but she’s gone darkside.”

“Dad!” Rosie admonished around another giggle, whilst Ayla gasped theatrically, “Oh how the tables have turned. What will the papers say?”

“Hilarious.” Marshall said in a manner that was deliberately impassive. But he still cracked a smile though when Ayla’s chuckles trickled through.

“Good to see you guys,” She commented soon after and I got the chance to look at her a little closer, taking in the college dorm she had sitting behind her, as well as the blue of her eyes. They were more almond shaped, sure, but somehow the colour still managed to match Marshall’s toe for toe. “And to finally meet you, El. I’ve heard a lot about you these last few weeks.”

A sharp breath hitched my chest. “Only good things, I hope.” I found myself retorting around a rosy smile, knocking my head lightly against Z’s when the girl crowded in further to my side, her chin settling on my shoulder, “But it’s also really nice to put a face to all the stories I’ve been told, too.”

Ayla gifted me a bright grin at that, her gaze drifting between Rosie and I, “No hope in praying that it’s nothing too embarrassing then?”

I couldn’t stop the way I instinctively turned to share a secretive grin with the girl beside me, pleased when Rosie mimicked me to do the same. “I don’t know about that, I’ve heard all about the grocery store you see.”

The gasp that the comment drew from the older girl was all too real that time, “I was seven!”

“Seven don’t mean nothin’,” Em swiftly cut in, narrowing his eyes ever so as he directed a finger at the phone and his eldest, “You’d been potty trained since you were two.”

Rosie and I snickered between ourselves, but Marshall caught onto it all too quickly, moving to shift that finger towards the pair of us, “Aye, you two ain’t no better. Ms Bedwetter and Pillow-drewler.”

“Hey!” Rosie immediately spat, thumping the man’s shoulder hard enough to have the corners of his mouth twitching even as his brows rose, “That was years ago! And you said you wouldn’t tell nobody!”

Marshall’s hands flew up in a gesture of surrender when his daughter narrowed her eyes in further scrutiny, but I could tell that Z wasn’t as embarrassed as she was letting on to be, knew it to be true when she added, “You also said it was natural! That you didn’t stop doin’ it ‘til you were fourteen!”

Em’s chin jerked up before he softened his reaction, though his eyes were a tad bit too wide to have not been entirely caught off guard by the secret his daughter had just spilled, “Jus’ said that to make you feel better.”

His shrug wasn’t all that uncaring as he hoped for it to be.

“Liar!” Rosie laughed, poking her dad’s side before she turned to peer back over at her sister and me, “He really did, promised he wouldn’t tell on me if I didn’t tell on him either. But he’s a big fat liar.”

“Name of your next single.” I quipped thoughtlessly, the comment going straight over Rosie’s head. Em shot me a steely glare and faked a silent laugh though, his lips softening into a small smile.

It was after that in which Marshall’s palm pressed against Rosie’s forehead, jokingly coaxing her into the backseat once again, waving off her protests as she slumped into the middle. “Yeah, yeah, keep complainin’ and we’ll miss this damn movie, won’t we.”

“Dollar!” Two voices called out and I peered into the back to see Z snicker into the phone, the screen Ayla was still on illuminating her face.

Marshall scoffed at the two girls but I could see how he was grinning happily to himself as we pulled out of the lot and onto the main road.

It continued to surprise me how easily he could move throughout the city without looking at a map or using the GPS he had installed in the flashy monster-truck he was so fond of. I kept finding myself getting lost in the way he drove, in truth, stare caught on how the streetlights flashed over his stubbled cheek and the fluid way he switched gears as though the stick was an extension of his arm.

It was only when Rosie popped up with another question that I found myself startling, looking back to immediately avoid the knowing smile Marshall had plastered over his face. Shit.

“What’s the movie called again? Ayla wants to know if it’s the same one she’s watching this weekend.”

I had to think for a second before I could answer her, my mind still honed in on the image of Em’s profile, “Love, Rosie.”

Z’s face split into a wide grin, her eyes squinting with the strength of it as she repeated the answer back to her sister, talking a mile a minute about how we were only going to see that film over The Book of Life because it had her name in the title.

I settled back into my seat easily enough and fiddled with the radio to keep myself from acknowledging my previous leering, hoping that the drive would be over all too quickly. Only, things never typically tended to go my way.

Jerking ever so, my straying gaze snapped back over to where Em was still watching the road, as though all of his attention was stuck there, and that wasn’t his hand on my upper thigh.

It was less than a second later that I let my eyes shift up into the rearview mirror, a breath of relief escaping me when I realised Rosie hadn’t caught the exchange, or see the lines her Dad was crossing.

I licked the back of the teeth and willed myself to relax at the touch, taking a small breath before I looked back over at the man in question. When I did, I found myself narrowing my stare at the slight smirk Marshall wore, apparently rather pleased with the reaction he’d garnered.

Still, my mind was warring with my want. I couldn’t wrap my head around the hot and cold, the way he’d push me away and then pull me in, how I’d thought about leaving to escape the icy shift and then been backed into a wall– literally.

I didn’t push his hand away though, and that in itself spoke volumes.

I couldn’t tell how he meant the touch, was he trying to be teasing? Or was it just a show of reassurance for the unexpected conversation started with Ayla? Had it been something he’d been wanting to do for a while now, or was this all just a game?

He squeezed, ever so slightly.

My eyes slipped closed.

His thumb brushed over the bump of my knee and I let myself melt into the firm hold.

It felt unnatural not to.

The hand didn’t travel, only moved away and then back each time it jumped up to the gearstick. I found myself, once again, wanting the journey to be over, whilst simultaneously hoping that it would never end.

The touch grounded me.

But it pulled away when the theatre came into view.

…

“Can't believe The Marshall Mathers is planning on watching a chick-flick.” I taunted playfully as we made our way up onto the pavement outside the red and gold doors, the joke only made to keep me from wanting to reach out and slide his hand into mine. Because I didn’t do that, I didn’t like all that sappy shit. I didn’t want to be holding his fucking hand, or have him drape his arm around me. It was just the moment, just that kiss fucking with my head.

Marshall feigned a put upon sigh, that hand of his coming up by his brow in an attempt to swoon. “Lord strike me down.”

I laughed outwardly, Rosie glancing back over her shoulder at us as she tugged at the heavy handle. “You’re not looking forward to it, Daddy?”

Shooting me a semi-sour look, Marshall let a lazy smirk crawl over his face just as he reached out to steady the door above Z’s head, “Nah I am, baby. Lia’s jus’ makin’ fun of the big manly guy.”

“Who?” Rosie asked in utter sincerity, enough that it had me cackling outright on the pavement outside. Em shook his head at the two of us, attempting to remain unamused but failing as reaching out to take my hand, tugging me through the open doors.

Z was still looking confused by it all when I managed to calm slightly, but her smile was soft as ever as her eyes lingered over the pair of us. It was then I realised Marshall’s hand was still in mine. He must have realised it too, because he let it go and coughed quietly into his arm before gesturing his chin out towards the concession stands. “So we gettin’ some popcorn or what?”

And with that, Rosie’s sole focus was on getting exactly that.

I ended up trailing after her whilst Marshall went and grabbed us some tickets, keeping an eye on her shorter frame as she weaved around a tall shelf to get a look at the array of sweets. There weren’t too many people about, but I still found myself glancing back over towards Em to see if anyone had sussed him out yet.

“What’re you gonna get?”

My head snapped back at Rosie’s ask, eyes dancing over the grin she bore before flickering between her own. I glanced over the collection the theatre had to offer, surprised by the obvious differences I could see.

“Me and my sister had this thing,” I started to answer, reaching out to pluck a familiar bag from off the hook, “Where each time we would go to the cinema we’d just end up getting a big bucket of popcorn to share and dump a whole load of M&M’s or Magicstars inside. If the popcorn’s still warm the chocolate tends to melt a little.”

Rosie scrunched her nose, either in distaste or just thought. “Sweet or salted?” Was the next question she posed and it hastily reminded me of the same one Marshall had asked that very first night I’d spent with them.

“Salted.” Smirking slightly at the way her eyes lit up.

“You made the right choice.” Z claimed with a nod and wiggled her brows before she spun around the heel of her foot to make her way over to the short line.

We ended up getting a large popcorn to share. At first, I figured it wouldn’t be enough for the three of us until I saw the container we were handed, then I was just beyond baffled at how different the portion sizes were in The States compared to back in London.

Once we’d paid, Rosie and I wandered over to a corner to dump the contents of the chocolate I’d picked up into it, Z having so much fun with it that a good couple dozen of M&M’s rolled over the ugly patterned floor. When Marshall strolled back over, he was wearing a questionable expression but holding onto three tickets.

“Should I even ask?” He quizzed, peering into the overloaded bucket. The look he wore turned somewhat appraising once Z explained and he was quick to steal a taste of our concoction, earning a tap to the arm in rebuke.

“Hey, hands off, bright eyes. Popcorn’s for the trailers, not here.”

“Bright eyes?” Marshall questioned, the left corner of his mouth lifting, but his ask was drowned out by Z’s, “The trailers? Dad always makes us wait ‘til the movie starts!”

I snorted and held out the bucket so that Rosie could take a great big handful, “We’ve long since discovered your Dad’s a little neurotic, lovely. We just gotta love him for it.”

Rosie’s laugh was warm as she peered up at Marshall. But his eyes were caught on me and he almost appeared frozen before Z leaned into his side, “Can we head in now?” She wondered, chewing away.

“Uh, yeah.” Em seemed to stumble, before he blinked and leaned down to press his lips to the top of her head, “Think we made it just in time.”

Love, Rosie was a film I could have lived without watching, I wouldn’t lie. It was like every other Romcom I’d seen a thousand times before. And yet, I loved every single second of it.

We were stationed in the far back, on the side closest to the stairs, Rosie perched between Marshall and I, her legs swinging back and forth. Throughout the whole film her attention remained captured, never wavering as her big doe eyes stayed locked on the screen with such reverence that it warmed my entire being.

Marshall wasn’t much better either, in truth. Something which humoured me to no end. Whenever he wasn’t glancing at me from over the top of Z’s head or stealing the popcorn from out of my hand each time I reached into the bucket, his eyes didn’t stray from the heartfelt scenes as they played out.

It was a strange conclusion to come to, that Marshall loved a good old fashioned Romcom as much as his daughter did, but it was a fact that went and nestled itself in between my ribs, where all the other little quirks the man had went to stay.

It was only as we were leaving, Rosie talking a mile a minute about the ending and how she thought it sucked, that he reached out again in the dimly lit corridor that led us back to the main lobby, only this time he didn’t have the excuse of stealing any popcorn from me when his fingers slipped into mine.

I tried not to show how surprised I was by the action as I looked over at him, grateful that we were the last ones to filter out of the screening room so that no one else noticed when I let my feet slide closer to his so that our shoulders could brush.

They were such simple actions, ones that would be second nature to most people, but that meant a great deal to me. Because see, I’d never really been the type to be overly affectionate, having hated hugs or anything of the sort once Danny had grown too old for them. Well, up until Lottie had come along. And most of the people I’d been with over the years had seemed to struggle with that, even when I’d pushed myself into reciprocating, when I’d forced myself out of my comfort zone to make them happy. But here and now, it felt natural.

Most things with Marshall did, I deemed. Even us arguing.

Our hands parted just before we could step through the end doors, his thumb brushing over my wrist as our eyes adjusted to the vast change in light.

Rosie was rubbing at hers when I glanced over, her too large drink squashed in the crook of her arm. Marshall seemed to follow my gaze because he reached out to loop her into his side not a second later, peering down at her. “I want you takin’ notes, you hear?” He mentioned in reference to the film, his smile now sly, “None of that’s gone be happenin’ in your future, girlie. You wanna get married? I better be dead. And don’t even think ‘bout havin’ no babies ‘til you start gettin’ grey hairs, okay?”

Z rolled her eyes in response to her father's shakedown, shaking her head up at me in silent camaraderie. “You just don't want people to see you cry.” She poked fun, her grin turning evil, “But we all saw the tears when she started her speech, Dad!”

“Lies.” Em scoffed back at her, pushing her away and out of his hold. Rosie didn’t much care though as she laughed her way into mine, head coming to rest on my upper arm.

“Me? I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.” Was the retort she gave him, one that had me snorting on a laugh when Marshall raised a brow and turned towards me.

“Think we left Z inside,” He said, “seems Tony Montana here figures he’s comin’ home with us.”

I couldn’t help the giggles that escaped me at all the references, especially when Rosie pursed her lips and drooped her eyes slightly, holding her arms out wide like Al Picino did in the famous movie, “Last time you gonna see a bad guy like me.”

Even Em couldn’t hold back the large snort he made at the little act she’d put on for us, shaking his head at her antics before he pointed a finger at her, “Last time you watch a movie with me, I swear.”

Rosie’s jaw dropped just a tad, “But it’s Scarface!”

“Exactly.” Was the only reply Marshall gave.

I lifted a hand to give Z’s shoulder a squeeze, smiling stupidly when she wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me into a lazy hug. The pair of them continued with their little face-off though until I was promptly reminded of the thing that had been bugging me throughout the end of the film, “Go and head out to the car, Tony. Those petrol cans you lot call drinks had me needing to pee like yesterday.”

Amused, Marshall shook his head at the comment, though his eyes were fond when he reached out to steer Rosie back over to him, “You need us to hang about, or?”

Rolling my eyes at his protective streak, I smiled and simply waved him off. “I’m sure I’ll survive a trip to the loo’s. I’ll try to make it quick.”

His lips thinned slightly but he acquiesced easily enough, navigating Z over towards the exit whilst I slipped into the nearest corridor dotted with bathroom signs. I was beyond grateful when I found the line not to be too long, just an older woman waiting for the end stall to free as well as a mother and her baby stood by the sink.

It was only once I’d dried my hands and fixed my hat in the mirror that I felt a slight prickle on the back of my neck. I looked up as the bathroom door swung shut behind the young mother to find a new face stood off to the right just behind me. I caught their eye in the reflection and felt my own snap back down rather quickly, pretending to not notice their sudden fixation as I casually wiped down the front of my hoodie and turned to leave.

It was a cough and then a light ‘Excuse me’ that had me glancing back on instinct, only to find the same girl suddenly right there. I blinked in shock at her sudden proximity and rocked back on my foot to put a bit of space between us, but the smile I gave her wasn’t unkind.

“Sorry,” She apologised, seeming to realise, though she didn’t look all that sheepish, even with having accosted me in the theatre’s tiny bathroom, “Just, can I get a picture and like, an autograph maybe? I spotted you by the register earlier, but lost you in the crowd.”

I never minded the odd signature and a picture was done easily enough too, but Detroit was currently supposed to be my best kept secret and knowing that this girl had already spotted me, likely with Em, didn’t do much to ease the sudden anxiety I started to feel.

Still, I grinned, unable to turn her down, “Sure thing, maybe we can grab it outside though? I doubt you’d want a selfie in the loo’s.” I tried for a light chuckle and was pleased when she laughed around an excited nod, exhaling slowly.

So we headed out of the bathroom and I posed for a picture against the white wall there, smile drooping a little the longer she kept snapping away, having gathered a little under thirty or so different photo variations. I ended up signing her phone case for her afterwards though and was thankful when nobody else seemed to crop up and spot me.

It was just as I’d done dotting the i in my name that she shifted ever so.

“I never thought I’d get to meet you, but really, you’re like one of my favourite artists. I think I know your whole album off by heart.”

My anxiety eased at her sweet words and my smile was sincere when I handed her phone back to her. “That’s really lovely to hear. I know getting to see some of you guys here in The States is always a little up and down because of touring, so I’m just glad we got to meet.” I assured her kindly before lightly teasing, “Never had someone say hello to me in the toilets of a cinema though. Guess there’s a first time for everything.”

She laughed loudly and gave me a light shrug, “I’d say I was sorry again but I really didn’t wanna miss you, especially when I saw you out there with your boyfriend.”

My mouth went dry at her words, but the girl didn’t seem to notice, continuing to ramble on.

“Was that his sister with you guys, or yours? I know you have one, right? People say she’s a lot younger than you, but then they also claim she’s your kid too. The internet is so crazy sometimes. Still, he’s real cute from what I saw! Are you telling people about you guys soon or keeping it lowkey?”

I was grasping at straws trying to find words. To simply recall my media training and the lengthy speeches Mila had given me. But nothing sprung to mind. It was like a cesspit full of disease that ate each and every thought that attempted to grow.

“I don’t mind not saying anything to anyone if you don’t want me to.” The girl tacked on shortly after and I would have figured that she had quickly gathered that she’d caught me by total surprise there, but she was looking at me so closely that I could easily tell it wasn’t anything of the sort. It was like an eagle scoping out their prey.

“Um,” I swallowed, before finally plastering on something like a smile, “No, it’s– He’s not my boyfriend, just a– a family friend. But yeah, I’d prefer it if you didn’t mention it. At all. Please.”

Her eyes were wide when she nodded back at me, but her lips were curled into an insincere sort of grin that plucked my anxiety straight back up out of the cage I’d wrangled it into.

“Of course, you can count on me.” It was with that in which she tugged me into a hug that had her hand settling on my waist, before I forced myself to step back.

I knew my smile had to have been less than flattering by that point, but I nodded anyway and waved at her as I backed down the hallway and crossed the lobby in a light jog, pulling my hat down lower over my face. It was only once I’d made it through the exit doors that I hurried to swallow the cold air that immediately hit me, throwing a startled glance back over my shoulder when the doors opened again, grateful to note that it wasn’t the same girl.

My eyes scanned the parking lot and it was a second later that I saw Marshall step out of the car parked across the street, his face furrowed under the shadow of his cap as he waved me over. I went, but something must have shown on my own face because he moved to meet me halfway, extending a hand out towards my arm the second he could.

He dipped his chin to catch my eye when we came to a stop and I wondered why he suddenly looked so uneasy. “What happened?”

My eyes snapped up to meet his and I blinked, still somewhat startled, “Nothing, it’s fine.”

“It’s ain’t.” He insisted, “You look like you’re gone be sick.”

I blew out another heavy breath and forced myself to calm the fuck down, “Honest, it was nothing. Just me overreacting.”

Marshall levelled me with a look before he sighed, “I know you. You don’t over-fucking-react like this. What went on?”

“Marsh, please. It was just a weird, I don’t know, encounter.” I tried, attempting to look past him to the car, “A fan that said was a bit too friendly, you know?”

I watched his jaw twitch. “What, in the bathroom?”

I sighed and lifted a hand up to rub at my cheek, “Just, can we leave it? Please. I just wanna go home. I’ll tell you then.”

Marshall watched me for a long second and for a moment I really thought he was going to argue, that he’d push, but instead he just gave a minute nod and wrapped an arm around me to lead us back to the car.

Surprisingly, Em didn’t head straight for the passenger side door and so I was greeted by the bright grin of a lovely little face when he ushered me into the backseat, seemingly knowing I needed a friendly face right then.

“What took you so long!” Rosie exclaimed the second she saw me, already shuffling over to make room whilst Marshall helped me inside, lingering a second longer to make sure that I really was fine before shutting the door and moving towards the drivers side.

“There was a long line,” I dragged out with a teasing smile whilst Em started the engine, “Think someone had a bad batch of nachos or something.”

Rosie’s face wrinkled into a grimace at my words and so when I met Marshall’s heavy stare in the rearview mirror the anxiety I felt was already starting to ebb. He gifted me a soft smile and it was then that I knew how well and truly fucked I was, because my heart stuttered.

…

The peace didn’t seem to last long though.

Not when I woke up the next morning to a thousand different notifications and my face plastered all over TMZ.

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punksyeet · 3 days ago

Text

ᰔᩚ Hype Man ᰔᩚ

Plot: Gianna (OC) has her first ever shot at the NXT Women’s World Championship and, when it doesn’t go her way, her boyfriend Josh is right there to comfort her.

Warning: Hefty flirting & mature language!

I wake up to the sound of my alarm and instantly reach over to my nightstand to turn it off.

It's officially NXT Stand and Deliver season.

Tomorrow is the actual event, alongside WrestleMania Night One.

But today, however, are the kickoff shows.

This year, I'm involved in the main event with a title match against Roxanne Perez.

I let out a loud yawn in the middle of my stretch, and get ready for the day, as well as pack my tote bag.

Today, I plan on teasing my match gear, so I'm wearing: a pink rhinestone bra and thong set, some matching hot pink baggy jeans, a sheer pink shrug, air forces, and a matching cowgirl hat (the events are taking place in Texas this year).

I put on some silver jewelry, do my makeup and hair, spray some perfume, and head out the door.

————————————————————————————————-

I just arrived to the arena.

Once I step out of my SUV, fans cheer and chant my name and I acknowledge them by waving and blowing kisses as I head inside.

"Giiiiirl!” a familiar voice calls from behind me, once I enter the building.

I automatically turn around and see one of my best friends and former NXT-mates, Jade Cargill.

"JADEEE!" I squeal excitedly, and we share the biggest bear hug and kisses on the cheek.

She pulls away and scans my body up and down while snapping her fingers. "This fucking outfittt!"

I giggle and spin around to give her the full view.

"I absolutely can't with you sis! You look stunning!" she continues.

I step back and place a hand on my hip, while scanning her body right back. "Girl excuse me?! Look at you! Look at this body teaaaa!"

She laughs and pulls me back in for a hug. "I missed you so much honey. How has NXT been treating you?"

I sigh deeply and fix my hat. "Girl it's been great, don't get me wrong. But it's nowhere near the same without you."

She sticks out her bottom lip. "You're telling me. WWE is so much more chaotic. I honestly miss it here sometimes."

I smile softly. "Okay but girl you've been eating it up over there! We're all so happy for you!"

She giggles again. "Thank you honey. It's been quite the ride, but I wouldn't trade it for the world."

I nod, smiling. "Absolutely sis, I don't blame you one bit."

We end up talking for about ten more minutes, before Shawn comes over to greet us and tell me that I'm on in 20 minutes.

"Alright mama, it was great seeing you, but I gotta go get ready for my promo with Roxanne. I'll see you later?" I suggest, holding her arms.

She nods, smiling. "Absolutely! I'll be watching you Gigi girl! Go kill it!"

We share one last hug and kisses before I head off.

————————————————————————————————-

My segment is in about 10 minutes, so I'm in my dressing room adding the final touches to my look.

As I'm playing with my hair, I hear a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I call, fixing a strand with my curling iron.

And in comes the sexiest pain in my ass, Jey Uso.

Another former NXT-mate, except one that I've fallen head over heels with. And he with me.

"Hey you," he coos sexily, walking in and closing the door behind him.

"Hi Josh," I reply flirtatiously, trying to hide my smirk.

Through the mirror, I see that he's wearing a black jean jacket with nothing underneath and matching bottoms, white air forces, as well as some gold jewelry.

Fuck. This man will be the death of me.

He walks up from behind me and leans against the wall, his arms folded. "You look good."

I unplug my curling iron, turn around in my chair, and get up so that I'm standing in front of him.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I say, pulling him in by either side of his jacket.

He smirks and presses our lips together, snaking his hands on my hips and pulling me in closer.

"So what are you doing here?" I ask, playing with his chain once we pull away.

"Well I couldn't let my lady go out there without me wishing her good luck, now could I?" he asks, stroking my sides.

I raise an eyebrow. "Your lady, huh?"

He licks his bottom lip and scans my body, his eyes finally landing on my breasts and exposed cleavage.

"My eyes are up here pretty boy," I flirt, gently lifting his chin.

He smirks once again and, as he's leaning in, I get another knock at my door.

"Gianna, you're on in five!" one of the members of creative call.

I throw my head back and groan, causing him to laugh.

"Hey my promo with the guys is in like an hour. We can hang out afterwards, okay?" he suggests.

I nod, biting my lip and wrapping my arms around him.

He pulls me in for a hug and gives me one last kiss. "Good luck babygirl. I'll be watching."

"Thank you," I reply, blushing.

I kiss the corner of his mouth before letting go of his hands and exiting my room.

—————————————————————————————————

"And now, the woman that's going up against your current Women's NXT Champion, Roxanne Perez, please welcome Gianna Nicole!" Booker T says into the microphone.

My entrance theme, Trip The Darkness by Lacuna Coil, plays and I walk out to the stage.

Once the crowd sees me, they go from loud to wild.

I'm talking singing along to my theme and everything.

Nothing beats this feeling.

I walk upstage, touching as many hands as I physically can before heading over to Booker.

We share a quick hug and I start my promo.

Eventually, Roxanne interrupts me and I end the segment with a mic drop, leaving her speechless and the crowd cheering.

As soon as we're backstage and out of sight, we share a lengthy hug and well wishes for the match tomorrow before heading our separate ways.

I head back to my dressing room, running into some of my co-workers and WWE stars on the way.

Once I'm inside, I shut the door behind me and check my phone.

I smile when I see texts from a certain someone come through.

Joshh 🥰: Damn girl you look too good 😩

Joshh 🥰: Get her ass baby!

Joshh 🥰: You're gonna rock it tomorrow mama I'm so proud of you 🫶🏽

Joshh 🥰: I gotta go get ready but I'll meet you in your hotel room once my promo is done ❤️❤️

I text back, smiling at my phone like an idiot.

Gi 🩵: Thank you love. Best of luck and I'll see you soon. 🥹🫶🏽

I grab my stuff and head out.

—————————————————————————————————

I just finished taking my makeup off and changing into something more comfy.

FATU replied to your story: 🤤

gianna nicole 🧚🏽‍♀️: Hurry I miss youuu 🥹😩

FATU: Omw I just finished up ❤️

gianna nicole 🧚🏽‍♀️: Alr 🥰🥰

—————————————————————————————————

Josh got here about two hours ago.

So far we've ordered room service, made out, watched a movie, made out some more, cuddled, oh and just finished making out! Again!

"I can't get enough of these ma," he coos, brushing his thumb across my bottom lip.

"Clearly," I reply sarcastically, flicking my hair off my shoulder.

He sucks his teeth. "Girl don't act like yo tongue wasn't willingly down my throat half a second ago."

I giggle and wrap my arms around him as he buries his face into my neck.

"Mmm fuuuck," I moan, as he slowly kisses and sucks below my ear all the way down to my bare shoulder.

"You like that mama?" he mutters in between kisses, squeezing my hips.

I throw my head back. "You know I do."

I feel him smirk as he keeps going, trailing his hands down further and onto my ass, caressing and playing with it through my sweats.

"Boy if you keep doing this," I begin. "We're gonna be half on a baby soon."

He pulls away, an eyebrow raised. "And the bad part of that would be...?"

"Joshuaaaa!" I whine.

He chuckles. "I know baby, I know. You don't wanna be sore for your match tomorrow. But once you win, this ass is mine. Deal?"

I playfully roll my eyes. "Deal."

We shake hands and he kisses my knuckles before laying down next to me and wrapping me in his arms.

After about an hour, he decides to leave for the night.

"It's getting late mama," he says, rubbing my back. "And we both have an early morning tomorrow. I should probably go, yeah?"

I sigh, still holding onto him. "Okay."

He smiles and kisses my temple. "Listen, once we're done with our matches tomorrow, we can spend all the time in the world together. Okay?"

I nod, giving him a soft smile back.

"I'll see you tomorrow princess," he coos before lifting my chin gently and pressing his lips to mine.

I kiss back and he gets out of bed and heads out.

—————————————————————————————————

The crowd has a bunch of mixed emotions, some booing and some cheering, as Roxanne crawls off of me and holds her title up.

I lost.

My first chance at a title and I blew it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

As the ring is being set for the next match, I head up the ramp in disbelief.

Despite what just happened, fans cheer for me and chant my name, but don't have the energy to acknowledge them.

I don't deserve them.

I don't deserve half the love I'm being shown.

Once I get backstage, Josh is there.

"Baby? You alright?" he asks, his arms open.

I slowly shake my head and, without saying a word, walk right past him.

I can't face anyone, not even him. Not like this.

Tears slowly streaming down my face, I head to my dressing room, pack all my stuff, and leave for the hotel.

Once I arrive, I drop my stuff at the door, climb onto my bed, dig my head into my knees, and cry.

And cry.

And cry some more.

—————————————————————————————————

It's been about an hour since my match and I haven't moved from my bed.

I haven't touched my phone.

I haven't changed.

All I've been doing is staring into space.

Why? Why couldn't I just defeat her?

Tears start to roll down my already stained cheeks as I realize that my self confidence is going down by the second.

I want to quit.

I want to crawl into a hole and never show my face in this business again.

I'm an embarrassment.

I'm a f-

My thoughts are cut off when I hear knocking at my door.

I attempt to speak but my throat is so unbelievably dry from crying.

I take a sip of water from the bottle on my nightstand and try again.

"Wh-who is it?" I call, my voice barely over a whisper.

"Baby? It's me." Josh replies. "Can I come in?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah."

I hear the door open and close, then footsteps coming toward me.

"Hi," I say, not even bothered to turn around.

I can't even look at him.

"Hi," he replies, rubbing my back. "You feeling okay?"

Just laying there, I don't respond.

Not because I expect him to know how I feel, but because even I don't know how I feel.

He sighs, gets up again, and walks around the bed, and kneels on the floor so he can face me.

I look into his gorgeous brown eyes, tears still spilling from mine.

"I don't know what to do, Josh," I finally say after a sniffle. "I don't know what's wrong with me. How could I lose? I'm an awful wrestler."

He uses his thumb to stroke my cheek. "Babygirl I want you to listen to me. What happened out there, it doesn't define you, okay? You'll have plenty more chances to come. And whether you win or lose, those won't define you either. What defines you is what you think about yourself."

I can't bring myself to speak again.

I simply just stare into his eyes.

"And as for you being an 'awful wrestler'," he continues, using his fingers as quotation marks. "You and Roxanne put on one hell of a show for all those people. You're fucking incredible, mama. So I don't want you to ever say that about yourself again, okay?"

I nod, sniffling again, wiping my tears with a tissue.

"Thank you," I reply, my voice just above a whisper. "I needed this. I needed you."

He gives me a soft smile and leans in, kissing my cheek. "It's my pleasure, beautiful. I love you so much."

My lips part in shock.

Josh and I have been flirtatious towards each other for months now, but we've never used the L word.

Before I can speak up and reply, he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said tha-"

"Josh," I reply, cutting him off and placing a hand on the side of his face. "Baby, I love you too."

He stares at me dumbfounded before a gorgeous smile grows on his face. "You do?"

I nod, a soft smile on my mine. "I always have. More than anything. You going out of your way and coming in here just to comfort me, it just made me realize it even more. I love you Joshua Fatu."

His smile grows even wider and he cups my face, pressing our lips together.

After a few strokes, we pull away slowly.

"Now," he begins. "How does a nice steaming hot bath sound?"

I nod, smiling. "It sounds perfect."

He pecks my lips once more and starts to sit up.

"But first," I continue, placing a hand on his thigh to stop him from getting up completely. "How about I honor that deal from last night?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Baby are you sure? I know we agreed to doing it once you won and...."

His voice trails off and I take a deep breath. "But I did win."

He tilts his head out of confusion. "You did?"

I slide my lower lip in between my teeth, nodding. "Uh huh. I won because I just bagged the man of my dreams."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Well that makes two of us."

My eyes follow him as he stands up and removes his shirt, revealing his sexy tattoo covered torso and climbs into bed.

He attacks me with kisses and I giggle as he pulls the covers over us.

Liked by uceyjucey, trinity_fatu, jadecargill, roxanne_wwe, and 187k others

giannamacri it's no secret that this weekend didn't end the way i've been hoping it would for months now, but i still had the time of my life doing what i love in front of you all. i'm endlessly grateful to have been apart of this event and to have received as much love and support as i did, even when i felt like i didn't deserve it. i love you texas. until next time. 🩷

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maikissed · 3 days ago

Text

cherry flavoured lips part 5

Kylian Mbappéx reader

summary: No pretence, no lies, no avoidance. Just them and nothing around to ruin it. At last. She only regretted that they made it harder for themselves to achieve it.

warning: smut

note: I've been struggling with the smut. Ended up hating it LOL.

She was angry, to say the least. She did not have any organized plan or vision for the future tucked up in her head, that she would find now ruined and lost after Ian unceremoniously left her. And she was not upset, or heartbroken, oh that she definitely wasn’t. She focused for a minute, tried to find a minuscule source that might have given her any sign that deep inside she was in fact sorrowful after being rejected, or was she? Truthfully, she was the one that initiated this unprecedented conversation between them. And as the result was expected and anticipated even, she still found herself mad at how it all turned out at the end. Like she found herself at the same miserable spot she was in before.

“It was a very simple question, Ian” she articulated calmly.

Ian seemed irritated, uncomfortable.

“You are asking if I love you, but cannot give me a straight answer yourself” he commented, gazing up at her.

She was standing so unnatural and stiffly, facing him, towering over him, like they were going through some kind of trial. She was the prosecutor, and he was the suspect waiting for more charges fired his way. Yet the roles might be reversed in a blink of an eye and there was a high possibility that it would be her facing the death penalty at the very end. Who was going to pass the sentence? Her palms were itching.

“I asked you first, it’s important to me” bold, cool and reserved.

“So my answer defines yours? That’s how you see it?” he squinted his eyes searching for a trick, a deceit.

He turned distrustful. She was aware what caused it.

She sighed, dropping her arms, already feeling worn out by this conversation.

“Do you know how I see it?” Ian started after few seconds and she turned her head back to him in alert “I think you’re running from something and that exhausting getaway has pushed you into my arms” he nodded and she frowned in question “I am not blind, y/n, I can tell that the only person you really want is him”

She said nothing, swallowing something big and bulky that started to form in her throat. No words came out still, she just shook her head. In her own defence? A mere, pitiful try.

“Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish him or yourself? Because clearly this is not about me” he seemed to enjoy this upper hand. But there was a dull ache visible in his eyes, like he felt deceived “That is actually funny to be honest, even when we are having sex you seem disappointed when you open your eyes and look at me”

“Oh, what in the hell, Ian?” she moaned in resentment, feeling uncomfortable under his investigating stare. And agitated by the choice of his words.

She turned into a suspect, much closer now to be announced as convict.

“You know what, I’m sorry” he reached with his hand to scratch his brow “I don’t want to fight with you like that. I am not angry with you, just feel a little used, that is all” he muttered softly and as he looked down at his hand and then back up at her the ache made place for generous ease. He was waiting for a perfect moment to let it all out, she gave him one.

And her? She was not sorrowful, she did not feel the despair flooding her heart and sinking it at the bottom of her stomach. She took one deep breath and wondered when the feeling of love turned her into a stone. A cold statue, an insensitive performer. She toyed with him all this time. And that thought actually made her a tad sullen.

“I’ll pack my things, I have a flight back to London in three hours” were Ian’s next words.

She shuddered, bringing her gaze back to him.

“I am sorry” her voice weak and abashed “It was not my intention to treat you this way” and this was an honest confession.

And he smiled at her in answer, almost like realising how everything sooner or later falls back in it’s place.

Fleur very much enjoyed when Ethan and Kylian were visiting with their parents, joining the family for a dinner from time to time. She liked the company of these two boys and their father, Wilfried was absolutely one of the most entertaining people she knew. He liked to narrate the most captivating stories and was not irritated by her oh so many questions she liked to throw in in the middle of his story. He was very patient, her father was too, but she knew her father too well for him to be so amusing. Fayza, on the other hand, was giving off the impression of a very intense and fierce woman, that’s why Fleur was watching herself to not be too pushy towards her, although she was kind and lovely. It was her demeanour that brought much respect in Fleur, for she made sure to be polite and careful. Still at the end of the day she was a sweet aunt.

“Ethan, are you growing out your hair?” she started in her funny, so much adult voice and the boy smiled at her after he greeted her.

“Yes, kind of” he grinned “Do you think it suits me?”

“Not really” she shrugged carelessly and then her ears reached a characteristic laugh from behind them.

She was always playful with Ethan, because he was playful with her. She beamed when she noticed Kylian enter the anteroom.

As she reached with her arms to hug him she could not fight the excitation over the news she so desperately wanted to announce to him. Maybe it was not her place, but she just… couldn’t keep it in.

“They’ve broken up, you know” she smiled sheepishly and he kneeled in front of her handing her a sweet little bouquet of flowers.

“Who?” he knitted his brows questioningly.

A bigger bouquet in his other hand, probably for Fleur’s mother. And a lovely present bag under it.

“Y/n and Ian” she rolled her eyes in a “duh” kind of manner “Good for her, I feel like he was sucking out the life out of her, can you believe it?” she huffed in displease.

“Well, people bond and sometimes part, that’s the way of life” seemed like a proper answer to this young girl.

It almost made him laugh out loud when he noticed her judgemental frown as she stared at him. Something like “don’t give me shit right now”, he could tell because her sister often graced him with this type of face. Her beautiful, lovely and stubborn sister he could not wait to see tonight. He hoped she was here.

“We shouldn’t bond with people that are just not right for us, isn’t it true?” she asked.

“Yes, it’s very much true, Fleur. However sometimes it’s not so obvious at the beginning. You just get to know the person with time”

“Yeah, well” her face turned serious again, aristocratic and modest “You and her were always great together, I cannot fathom how you did not bond since you are clearly idiotically in love with each other” she just shrugged, sinking her nose in the flowers she held now with both hands “Come, the dinner is almost ready” she said simply when she turned around.

Fleur was too smart for her own good. And Kylian stood there for few more seconds, dumbfounded.

When he finally came back to his senses he entered the dining room when everybody gathered but y/n was nowhere to be seen. It was her mother that obviously noticed his curiosity and after thanking for the beautiful flowers he picked for her, mentioned that she was in the kitchen, finishing preparing the food. And of course he decided to see her first, hoping that they were not bound the spend an uncomfortable evening.

He entered the room silently, spotting her standing over the kitchen counter, a knife in her hand and vegetables on the board in front of her. She was facing him but did not notice him at first. But with the corner of her eye she could spot the movement and raised her head to finally see who has joined her. Sharp chop on the board was the first thing, the next thing he could her was her pained cry.

“Ah, shit!” she yelped holding up her hand.

And without any thought he ran up to her, to see if she’s alright. She stared at her palm as he neared her and he knew very well what was coming. She could not stand the sight of blood, it made her dizzy and nauseous, she was afraid of needles since the earliest days. So he wrapped his arm around her middle, catching her injured and bloody hand below the wrist with the other.

“One step back, to the sink” he instructed calmly, and he could feel she begun to slump in his hold.

There was a lot of blood, already dripping on his fingers. But as he put her fingers under the running water he could see that stitches were not necessary, the knife just properly scratched the pad of her middle finger.

“It’s alright, just a tiny little cut” he murmured, examining her hand, looking for any additional cuts.

“Mhm” she breathed on his cheek and when he raised his head, he noticed she was looking at him all this time.

The proximity, her big, round, shaken eyes stunned him for a moment. But he had to move, she needed and aid.

“You just need a bandage. Can you stand on your own?” he made sure, slowly and very carefully backing his hand away from her waist.

She nodded slowly, still looking at him, and he lingered for just a short moment before rushing in the direction of the medicine cabinet. And this little incident end up with her finger decently secured with a quite big amount of bandage and tape. She snickered at the sight of it, and after considering it for a moment, she actually brought her hand up, curling other fingers down to grace him with a rude gesture, her puppet looking like finger almost in his face.

“Come on, I did a decent job” he frowned before smiling at her softly.

“You did, thank you” and she smiled back at him “If it weren’t for you I’d probably faint and bleed myself to death” she joked looking back at the vegetables awaiting on the chopping board.

“Your cells have the capacity of sealing such cut back together themselves, you know?” he muttered carelessly, reaching for the knife to finish her job himself. He would not let her ruin the bandage now.

“Oh, wow there, Sherlock. I was kidding and I was paying attention in anatomy class for your information” she snickered taking a step to the side to let him take her place.

“Of course you were” he snorted, but meaning what he said, looking at her playfully.

She looked calmer and healthier. He was glad. She blinked like finally realising he was here with her and they were at last having an easy and warm conversation. Maybe she was glad too. For a moment there was silence, but she lingered close to him.

“Those are too big, cut them smaller” she almost whispered while she inspected his cucumber cutting abilities.

“Keep your fingers away, please” he muttered indignantly and she actually laughed out loud.

“Sorry” she breathed and he resumed. But there was something tender about this word as she voiced it out “I really am sorry, Kylian” now, it was a whisper.

Yet he was determined to keep on cutting the cucumber, something in him turned defensive and he was worried she at last would put him in his place. As a friend, as a childhood companion, like it used to be before. But she could not have it like that, so she reached with her hand and delicately placed it over his forearm. So he had no choice but to look at her. And he was seeing her, seeing her fully, and there, in the reflection of her beautiful, glimmering eyes he could spot his absolute devotion, his dedication, he could see it clearly. Could she?

“Love is a scary emotion” her voice quiet and careful, her eyes looking down at his lips for a moment, but out of bashfulness “I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, but instead I put myself in endless misery” she confidently continued “I am so sorry for pushing you away and you have every right to hate me for it”

“Nothing in this world would make me hate you. There’s not a thing I would not forgive you for” he opposed, feeling hurt at the thought that she was drawing such conclusions.

“Don’t say that” she frowned, her eyes turning even bigger “I’ve hurt you, I did an awful thing, admit it. I own you an honest apology, then you might consider if I deserve forgiveness” her voice breaking, her palms shaking, her eyes turning wetter, but she stood her ground, did not hide her emotions.

So he turned to her, making sure that every word he intended to say next she would find honest and real. And right.

“I acted up at the start, but the truth is that I would wait for you as long as it takes, I would step down, move into the shadow of your life, stop being an obstacle” she started to shake her head after, wanting to disagree, wanting to let him know that she did not see him that way, but he continued “I would be patient, I would let you make the choices that are right for you, because you are your own person. But I would be here, waiting, even if it meant waiting for the rest of my life, because you are my choice. And it would be my choice and I am okay with it, because I love you and I loved you long before I could understand what love actually is. That’s why you don’t have to say anything for I have already forgiven you”

A little sob broke out of her chest and she quickly turned her head to the side to hide her obvious tears streaming down her face.

“Hey” he whispered “It was not my intention to make you cry like this” and he reached for her hand to stop her from hiding her emotions. But delicately and considerably, wanting to be nothing but gentle. Her body was shaking with more sobs.

She turned back to him and started nodding like a little girl making peace with her subtle outburst of emotion. It made him smile at her.

“Loves, where are the salads?” y/n’s mother surprised them by unexpectedly charging into the room, halting at the doors after noticing the sight in front of her. Y/n turned to the other side so she could not notice her red and swollen face, her hand reaching up to wipe the cheeks dry “Sorry, is everything alright?” she asked, slightly embarrassed “What’s happened to your finger, y/n?”

Y/n sniffled before answering:

“I shoved it up his ass” she muttered quite frankly, before wrapping an arm around Kylian’s bicep, then she simply put her head on his shoulder.

He started to shake with laughter, trying to compose himself but truthfully found it difficult. He laughed out and y/n accompanied him.

“Oh, how funny you are” she sneered at her daughter but there was a gentle smile as well that finally broke on her face “Alright, you have five more minutes, lovebirds. Then I want my salads on the table”

Are you asleep?

She sent the message and begun to stare at the screen of her phone with gnawing impatience. She hoped he was awake as well. She itched with need to have him close, only today realising the size of the desolation that has grown in her heart when they parted. Their whole family stayed for the night, as they often used to when visiting their home on the countryside. She perceived their previous conversation unfinished and still felt like she owed Kylian more explanation. His confession, on the other hand, was nothing she could ever expect, not because she was hesitant to believe in honesty of his words, but for the reason that he drew it out so naturally, without any strain or difficulty. Almost like he unveiled the hidden truth of life everyone desire to find, using the simplest words. That is how it sounded to her, and she wasn’t very sure how she was supposed to handle it now. He was not terrified by it, he expected nothing while giving her his all. She was afraid she was not so experienced in the art of love, she worried she was not fit for it.

He answered the message after a while and she realised she drifted off in thought.

Non, why aren’t you asleep?

She typed back the answer with no hesitation.

Come to me?

And it didn’t take him long because just few minutes later she could hear gentle knock on the door to her room, so she jumped out her bed and run up to let him in. She smiled as soon as she saw him.

“It’s your birthday in twenty minutes” he murmured, holding up a little present bag in front of him.

“Good” she whispered “I wanted to spend it with you” she took the bag and then reached for his hand to guide him inside “Do you mind if I open it later? It is a bad luck to open the present before actual birthday day” she asked while placing it on the dresser near the door.

“You are way too superstitious” he snickered and she rolled her eyes at his answer.

“Maybe, but it kept me safe to this day”

Kylian shot her a mocking look and she laughed at his reaction, only then realising that they were still holding hands. She looked down at them as they stayed joined, feeling affection rising in her chest. She enjoyed this feeling. And she wanted him closer. So she took a step back to guide them to her bed so they could rest. He followed and they sat down comfortably at the edge of it.

“I was afraid this year would be the first time I’d spend my birthday without you”

He just smiled at her warmly and she took a deep breath, suddenly realising that she calmed much more when he was here. When he was listening and looking at her.

“I’ve put myself in this emotional prison, knowing that I was doing the exact opposite of what my heart called for” she murmured switching from looking at his face and back at their hands “I piqued Ian purposefully, I am a coward and I did not know how to free myself, so I was glad when he turned out to be aware of everything. But I was so distressed by what I’ve done, I thought you would never want me back”

He squeezed her hand reassuringly, this time letting her speak whatever she needed to let out. Giving her time and space for it. But at this point the nervousness hit her strong back again, because she was worried she was not so good with words like he was. She was not used to it. But the words she was so desperately trying to reach were the most perfect ones. The right ones. She decided on moving a tad closer to him, his warmth and scent wrapping around her.

“So…” she started and there was a cheeky smirk that appeared on his lips.

He was so definitely going to tease her now. She guessed not much has changed, but it was a good sign. And he was so handsome, she wanted to punch him in the face.

“So what, miss eloquence?” he muttered and her heart skipped a bit when his low voice reached her ears.

“Don’t make fun of me now” she whispered, it was not her intention but she whispered, realising that all her senses were now filled with him, the spark in his eyes, his breathing, his touch.

“I am not” he opposed, reaching with his hand to gently stroke her cheek, his knuckles lovingly grazing the skin.

Delicate and tender, she felt the touch with her whole body, within her soul.

“Je t'aime” she whispered while leaning even closer to him, but lingering, wanting to make sure that he still felt that way. That nothing changed during the evening, that he did not change his mind.

She looked him in the eye and there it was again, the simplicity, the obviousness, that sweet spark in his eyes and a smile on his face, and all of it – so serene. And as she finally said it, addressing this confession to him, she realised there was no grand secret, no hidden truth of life, but the only truth of one’s heart. And she was free. His love was the only one to grant her that freedom.

“Didn’t hear you properly” he said “Could you repeat?”

She sniggered at that but reached with her hands to wrap them around his neck, leaning closer to softly whisper into his ear:

“I love you, Kylian” she sang “You and only you” she smiled “I love you”

His arm wrapped tighter around her and she moved so she could face him again. She knew that look in his eyes, so dark, so soft and sparkly.

“One more time”

She giggled. A stronger beat of her heart and she kissed him, a delicate peck on the lips, he hummed as she leaned back.

“I love you” she kissed him again and another “I love you” after.

The next kiss lingered, he let her guide it on her own pace, maybe because he regretted the times when he was more demanding on this part, when he kissed her or touched her ways that weren’t proper many times before. She pressed onto him, adding more fervency into this contact, soft but sure touches, she begun to move, trying to be closer, trying to take more and more. But as soon as he felt her mouth opening slightly, he broke the kiss and his lips followed a path, from the corner of her lips, to her jaw, and then lower to her neck. Her fingers rested on his nape, she closed her eyes and let herself feel. He was being delicate, patient, savouring her, experiencing her. Slow, too slow, she started to burn, she realised. That funny and sweet little spot he reached and bit on delicately, send an intoxicating shot through her whole body and she jerked breathlessly. Many other places on her body yearned for his attention, yet he was not in a hurry. It was a way too precious moment for Kylian to rush anything. She enjoyed every second of this special attention, but there was much more, so much more she wanted. Her fingers timidly reached for the buttons of the little night sweater she was wearing, one undone, then another and then – he reached for her fingers when he finally noticed it. Her eyes hazy and lids heavy as she looked at him, he looked down, her breasts clad in a delicate bra already visible to him, beautiful, soft skin unveiled. He wanted to kiss her there. But, there was hesitation.

“We shouldn’t” he whispered “We are not alone”

“Everybody is asleep” she reached for another button, her eyes focused on his face, but his eyes could not fight the temptation to see another piece of her skin being unveiled “Their rooms are far” the last button undone.

She was not particularly nervous now, but her fingers shook as she grabbed the folds of the sweater and pulled it down her arms. She could see him swallow and she loved that to a great extent. So she stood up, in front of him, untying the little ribbon of her fluffy pants and let the garment fall off her hips. Slowly, as he seemed to enjoy, she put one knee at the side of his thigh, her hand reaching to him, resting against his cheek. His eyes locked with hers and she knew she had him there. He was mesmerized. She straddled him the next second, pressing her lips against his once more. The kiss finally deepened, his hands travelled from her waist to her back, his touch soothing her. She felt the same thrill she did when they were kissing in the orchards. She wanted to press him down on the mattress, but again he had other ideas. He pulled away and put his mouth on the skin under her collarbone. And again, he was savouring it. Slow, moist and adoring kisses reaching lower, and she gasped when he placed one on the still clothed nipple. He bit on it, a moan broke out from her throat, her head already a spinning mess. He raised his head with a little smile and surely captured her mouth. She moved against him, she could feel him, all of him. Never before she felt more alive.

“Can I?” he asked, while his hand still placed against her back moved higher, touching the clasp of her bra.

“Yes” the answer was rather quick.

He removed it without struggle and she smirked at him. She never truly enjoyed sex before, no one could really find out about it, but the fact that he was the only person that could awaken such strong elation in her was a little guilty secret of hers. Until now.

He took her hand in his, the left one, with the finger still clad in bandage, and sweetly kissed her knuckles. He still seemed to consider.

“Sit next to me” he instructed and she wondered, but did as he asked.

To her surprise he kneeled in front of her.

“I want to taste you” he stated confidently, removing the t-shirt he was wearing. She shivered.

Oh, God.

“Can I kiss you, love?” his voice was so steady but also alluring, she found herself struggle to speak.

So she nodded, trying to compose herself.

“I can’t hear you, I won’t do anything you don’t directly agree with” he caressed her calf as he said so. There was something demanding in his voice, but still gentle, no pressing.

“Yes, please” her voice shaky but sure.

His fingers travelled up and rested at her hips, grabbing the strings of her underwear. He was watching her expressions attentively, searching of any sings of discomfort. She rose her hips up, giving him none. And as it was foreseeable he dragged the material down her legs very slowly. She was sure she blushed heavily as they held the eye contact. For a moment she lost the sense of reality, arousement coming to her in more persistent waves. He smiled cheekily and she moved closer, more to the edge of the bed, being able to perfectly read off his request. And he did not move yet.

“A little wider, love” hotness spread all over the skin of her cheeks and neck again.

She felt a tad silly now, because once again there was no abashment in the way he touched her, or spoke to her or even looked at her. And despite the fact that this moment thrilled her greatly, she was also unsure, felt unprepared, like she was about to turn out not right for him, not fitted for his fantasy. It was an awful feeling.

“Do you want to change your mind?” his voice softer now. His eyes on the other hand not. He wanted her. Badly.

“No” she breathed, looking at him intensely. She wondered if her vastly beating heart could be the cause of her immediate death.

He was patiently kneeling in front of her, gazing up at her with his lovely and sparkly boyish eyes for goodness sake.

“Then relax” he murmured, his fingers still gently drawing lines down and up her calf “I want you to enjoy it”

Part of her wanted to look the other way, yet bigger part wanted to observe him while she opened her legs for him. Breath stuck in her throat when the intensity of this moment hit her momentarily.

“More” he rasped and she groaned softly, looking into his eyes that turned darker and darker by every second.

“Like that?” she asked weakly, her hands desperately clutching the sheets behind her, she was burning.

He liked the way she asked the question, he hummed and smiled at her, before lowering his head to place a kiss on the inside of her thigh. She took a big breath in.

“As much as I would love to hear you, I must ask you to be quiet” she almost whined hearing his low voice, but did her best to nod in agreement.

This time he granted her his mercy, not prolonging it much, maybe because he grew impatient to finally have her. While his hands securely held her open for him, his mouth found it’s way to her cunt. It seemed to happen very suddenly, her hips jerked uncontrollably and she gasped at the contact. Softly and gently he begun to pleasure her, she could sense that he was watching her, but could not find the confidence to meet his gaze. His hand squeezed her thigh, putting it up to let it rest on his shoulder. His tongue pressing surer against her, while his lips were delicate in their caress. She gasped and jerked up once more. Everything felt wet, his mouth hot against her, his tongue precise. Very unexpectedly he groaned against her, and it stunned her significantly, making her body tense and her eyes shot open. A sharp gasp that left her met a little moan, it sounded out like a hiccup.

“Why don’t you look at me, darling?” he murmured and she swallowed hard.

She was familiar with Kylian’s domineering attitude and quite stout ego, she always imagined it’s influence on his sex life. He was being considerate enough with her now, she wondered what will happen once he finish restraining himself. Chills ran down her spine. She yearned to experience it all. So she directed her gaze lower and the look in his eyes was shattering and overwhelming, so hot, she moaned out loud shamelessly, her right hand quickly shot up to cover her mouth. That’s when he chuckled and that’s when she simply could not stop everything that came next. It was quicker than she suspected. Too weak to keep herself up, she fell on her back, both of her legs now wrapped around his head, her hands delicately grazing his hair as if trying to keep him close to her at all cost, but no pressure in her touch.

“Kylian” she breathed, too quiet “Ky…” he sucked on it now “Kylian” she whined, louder.

And it was too much. She had to clasp her hand over her mouth again, most of her cries muffled, but still prominent in the room. Her body moved on it’s own accord, her head rolling around almost spasmodically. She was feeling lighter now, with her eyes closed she could not really specify where she was. She could remember it was her room, and her bed, but her mind stopped registering it properly. There was nothing more then her flesh, her senses directed only to experience the ecstasy of the upcoming pinnacle, a burst of euphoria. She wasn’t even sure if she was still breathing, but could tell her chest was moving rapidly. As the first wave hit her, she almost choked on her own breath, as the second appeared she expected it to bring a few more that fades quickly and leaves her hazy and light. But shockingly there was more, and more, and more, and it felt like her soul started to leave her body. She could not keep up with it, she was not prepared for it. Was she making noises? Was she loud? Was her mouth covered? Did she pass out?

She felt the mattress bent next to her. Her eyes still closed. She could hear her breathing despite the ringing in her ears. She could feel her fingertips again, weakly moving against the sheets.

“Hey” a whisper, close to her ear, she leaned into it “Are you alright, love?” she smiled, it was a lovely voice, soothing and sweet.

“Mhm” she murmured and very slowly opened her eyes to look at him.

He looked different. And one look at him made something in her insides jump. She was back in her body.

“You need to rest”

“No” she opposed, her hand flying up to touch him. Delicate, as she grazed his lips with her fingertips.

“I think yes” he laughed.

“I think you just gave me two orgasms in one take. Or more, I am not even sure now” this seriously spoken sentence made him laugh again. His lips flexed under her touch “But I want you now”

A big intake of breath as he considered her plea. She was fine, she could take him, she was not drained or sleepy, simply astounded or even blown away. She felt bolder now, more determined when she rose on her elbows to reach him, pressing a kiss on his lips. He grew weaker when she kissed him like this, softly but surely, with her nails lightly scratching the skin on his chest. She took advantage of this moment and pressed on him, making him lay down on the bed. He seemed stunned when she sat up, on top of him, her hands already resting on the clasp of his belt. She could notice him swallow but there was another of his shameless smirk appearing on his lips.

“What’s so amusing?” she jested.

“Your persistence. I adore it” he sat up, his hand sneaking around her middle and before she could comprehend his intention, he simply grasped her, turning them so she laid on her back again.

She could start up a heated conversation about his own stubbornness at this point, but the idea started to quickly fade in her head as she watched him unbuckle the belt after he stood up. The intensity in his gaze was drawing her to him, she felt the same impatience once more. She reached for him desperately when he joined her, her legs already at either side of him, inviting him, keeping him in, close, closer. No pretence, no lies, no avoidance. Just them and nothing around to ruin it. At last. She only regretted that they made it harder for themselves to achieve it.

“Make love to me now” she hummed before kissing him.

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