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sgurrdearg · 5 years ago

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Do you ever just. Fucking cry. Lmao.

I’m in SUCH a state of flux right now and it feels like.... it feels like a big crush or a whirlwind romance so I’m miserable and yearning but filled with so much happiness and HOPE and it’s really really fucking overwhelming and I’m doing my best to take a step back as much as I can???? Not sure that’s totally possible I’m ALL UP IN IT but I’m doing my best to think clearly and come up with plans A B C etc etc.

I just. I did talk about this in the tags yesterday but I just wanna type it out bc I find that helps me work thru my thoughts best of all. But when I left uni, I was severely suicidal, convinced that all my health issues were my fault/me overreacting, and then I had to face returning to a previously abusive home, or staying where I was & possibly being made homeless & almost certainly dying one way or another just to get a degree that wouldn’t even be worth it with the grades I was getting bc of the state I was in.

And I was resolute in that I would never return, Dundee was the worst place on earth and all of it was a mistake. But you know, with time and distance, maturing, and putting in the hard work of doing DBT on my own, I came to realise gradually that no, I was thankful to have been given the chance to discover hobbies that were previously inaccessible to me, and I still had love for them. I was thankful to have discovered subjects I still loved a lot (even if I thought myself too stupid to be worthy of them). I was thankful even to have been given the chance to BE disillusioned, to have bad shitty choices I made as a shitty 17 year old slap me in the face and realise that I done fucked up, that no I did have morals and I had to recentre the way I had *thought* the world worked to that and accept that it’s ok to be wrong, and to grow, and be disgusted with your past self. It’s a brutal lesson and I’m ashamed I had to learn it, but it gives me the insight and drive now to do better, even more so than if I hadn’t taken this path.

Ever since I left I’ve regularly had... nightmares? I guess? About being back in my flat, or a different living space, but back at Dundee, back at uni. Sometimes they definitely are nightmares and stress dreams, and other times..... they’ve been stressful and more than a little unpleasant but... there was a wistfulness to them. There was part of me in those dreams that knew it was worth it? And I wanted to be there. And I would wake up with such an aching in my heart, and would put it down to past trauma and that was that.

Because also, I was SO ill when I came back here, that it was a no go. I was NOT able to ever go back even if I had wanted to, and so I got to skip over the closure and processing part of it because it was just.... stamped and filed away for me. It was a life or death decision and I grew to be glad I chose life, even if it did mean being bedridden & housebound forever.

But now, in the past year and a bit.... my life has changed. Discovering I had Coeliac was a major adjustment but actually having answers and treatment and the validation that yes, I was ILL soothed my mind, and body has healed so much. I got on anxiety medication to tackle the PTSD and anxiety that has been plaguing me that my DBT couldn’t handle alone and it works, it actually fucking works I don’t get in a tizzy about every little thing, I actually barely have flashback nightmares any more, and I’m so much better at handling triggers. It’s not perfect but with time it will improve more and it’s WORKABLE.

I have energy and I have life, my mind is clear. I still struggle with ADHD and losing focus, but my doctor has recommended a specialist I could see privately who could help more efficiently than thru the NHS (because we barely have MH services where I live, it’s the worst in the country), to enable me to get proper support and medication for that last little helping hand I need to get my brain ON THE RAILS.

So since I’ve been better I’ve been getting involved in community activism, completely inspired and spurred on by my dear friend, and I’ve been loving it so far even tho I’ve barely begun! And beginning to see a life for me here.

And that’s where it’s all unravelling, really. Because. My life isn’t here. I’ve been in purgatory for five years. I never truly wanted to be back here, I just missed my pets and my parents (for all their faults, but we have all worked SO SO HARD to tackle our issues head on, and I’m proud of it. I don’t think it’s a path I would recommend for most people but I’m lucky in that my mum genuinely didn’t mean bad, and genuinely wanted to do better and put that work in. We have bad blips extremely fucking rarely because our communication is fucking SOLID now. I love them so much, they are my best pals.) and even though I can see myself being friends with the people I have in my life now and truly loving and being fulfilled with the volunteering and activism, and finding connections to get myself some fulfilling and flexible paid work too.... it isn’t home. And I’m the sort of person who doesn’t really have a “home” but. It’s not a place I like to hang out in, part of which is past trauma here, I’m always terrified I will see my abuser, but also, it’s never been a place I loved, even as a teen with actual hangout spots in the city, even as an adult with favourite shops, I feel no ache for them, no nostalgia, this place means almost nothing to me. I was in my old favourite record store a few months ago and it WAS lovely and made my week... but idk. I didn’t feel “it”. And I’m not saying that simply pursuing nebulous feelings and emotions is a smart thing to do, and I’m not basing a life choice on it totally, but when I put my foot down and made the choice to go on a day trip to Dundee back in 2018... it felt like ... open arms. It had barely changed, but even the parts that had I was excited to explore! I saw people I had once known and even talked to one and it hurt my heart but it was GOOD it was HEALING and I felt even then that, oh I could have stayed longer.

But again I just, didn’t pay too much mind to that beyond me being brave and facing my past and my regrets and putting that all in order in my mind, and just put all my emotions down to it being a really BIG thing. But now I’m back as a human being, I’m out there in meetings, I’m writing things up for people, emailing and networking and sending enquiries, talking about projects and talking about hillwalking at random??? And Scottish politics... and meeting new people and telling them my life story over and over has just been drumming it in. That I genuinely miss it. That this was once my life, but in a very different city and environment, and I miss it. I miss the worst parts of it that I know very clearly I would still hate and find hard, I miss the absolute best parts of it, that fill me with so much euphoria I could burst, I miss the quiet nondescript moments that I only remember because I have the memory of an elephant, like sitting folding leaflets on the sofa in the corner of the geography department. Filling in the attendance register and passing it around. Buying snacks for a field trip. Making the monthly walk to go pay rent. Treating myself to a pot of tea while I read my textbook in the café. Feeling homesick and depressed and exhausted, sobbing in front of a taxidermed otter at the museum. I want my worst moments there more than I want my best moments here and I’m frightened that I’m falling into a grass is greener thing, or that I’m romantisising past misery, or that I’m simply nervous about this new life I’m settling into...

But when I look back over the years, the voice quietly thinking or saying “I miss it and I want to go back, I want this life back” has always been saying it. My brain bricked her up to protect me when thinking that was futile, but she’s been growing louder and louder to a crescendo and now, with me being able to put the energy into things here, I can no longer use the excuse that finishing my degree isn’t possible. Because, it is. In theory. And with all of my brain thinking that just once it’s like that wall has come crashing down and this voice is now SCREAMING “I Miss It and I Want To Go Back, I WANT MY LIFE BACK” and I cannot ignore it.

I don’t know if it IS financially possible yet and I need to find it all out before I go nuts but, I’ve discussed it with my parents, and we have plans. It’s possibly possible and that HURTS my heart in a way that only true love and passion can and I just hope. I hope I’m going home. I think I’m doing it for the right reasons, I think I’m ready and at the rate I’m improving health wise I will absolutely be ready when the time comes, whether I can hop in this September or next. I just hope I can get it all ironed out. I want to go home.

#blethering

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dxlansfxck · 6 years ago

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Saints & Sins [G.D] Part 4

“Yes, mum, I’m fine, but I really can’t come home these holidays. What? Oh, yeah, I need to learn so much, exams are coming up and I want to pass this year. No, I don’t miss any lessons, studying just became a bit harder. Yes, I’m learning a lot with Grayson, he’s really good in Math’s and Physics, he can help me a lot. Yes, I’ll tell him, mum. Love you too.”

She hated lying to her mother, but what was Y/N supposed to say? “Hi mum, I can’t come home ‘cause I’m kinda addicted to pills and you’d kick me out if you knew”? Nah, that wasn’t an option. So she decided to head wherever Grayson went, tagging along, spending some extra time with him.

“I don’t like that, Gray. I hate lying to her”, she rolls her eyes at the black phone screen, then looking over to her so called boyfriend. “You needed to, babe. Now c’mon, I’ll help you forget your mother”, Grayson pulled his angel onto his lap, kissing her like he knew she likes it. Once they started to have sex, they solved every little argument with a quick fuck. Not enough weed? Sex. Someone looked at a different guy/girl? Oral. Y/N not going home because she was high all the time? Making out and fucking again.

And Y/N could finally understand what Grayson meant when he was saying that nothing compares to the feeling of feeling so close to someone, but she always thought that was just the side effect of all the drugs she took. She was currently lying under Grayson, feeling as his orgasm comes over him, but not feeling anything herself. Her thoughts were wandering to her family and friends at home and not seeing them for the next few months, missing them already. And well, thinking about that while being fucked is nothing that turns you on. Grayson rolls off her, building another blunt, still out of breath.

“But what if she gets why I’m not coming home? I’ve never just stayed here, always went home. She’s not that stupid, Gray. Shit, she’ll know. She’ll take me off college.” “Fuck, angel, shut up, will you? Here, take another hit, you know, everything gets better after that”, he hands her the lit blunt, and damn, he was right.

“Fuck, Toni, what’s up, dude?” Grayson runs up to the tall guy, pressing his lips on top of his. Y/N was too high to care, too high to be angry, too high to feel anything. She stares at Toni, his blue curly hair, brown eyes and the slight stubble on his chin and cheeks. His eyes had lost their glow, his skin was red and oily.

“Toni, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Angel, this is Toni, my best friend.” And his best friend was very attractive, not gonna lie. “Hey.” She wasn’t interested in small-talk, nibbling on the skin around her blue nail polish while starring into the woods. They had arrived at the train station a few minutes ago and Toni was the one that was supposed to pick them up. Instead, they met at some random field, surrounded by trees and a little sea, not knowing why. Y/N was tired, hungry and somehow not in the mood for anyone besides Gray. “Y/N, isn’t there some nickname for you? Y’know, I’d love to call you something special. Like a street name, Y/N doesn’t fit your new self. Like…Diamond.” Y/N rolls here eyes, huffing. “Do I look like a stripper? Use my real name or don’t talk to me at all.” Toni laughs. “Damn, babygirl is feisty. Mhh, I kinda like that. Babygirl.” Now it was Grayson’s turn to step him, growling. “Don’t. Call. Her Babygirl. She’s mine.” The blue haired boy stepped aside, hands up in defense. “Okay, okay, G. Y/N is it, Y/N it stays. Let the little pumpkin live a little. PUMPKIN IT IS!” He held his hand out to high five the young couple, but neither of them made a move, instead rolling their eyes in annoyance.

Y/N walks a few steps away, throwing some pills into her mouth and swallowing them dry, exploring the bit of nature she was able to see. “Throw those away, Pumpkin. I’ve got something better, here you go”, Toni stopped besides her, holding out his hand. She gave him the most bored glare she had to offer but opens his hand as well. He handed her a little paper, Chesire from Alice in Wonderland printed on it. “Put it on your tongue, have fun on your adventure, it’s a pleasure meeting you, Pumpkin.” Toni winks at her, while Y/N looks over to her boyfriend that had a knowing grin plastered on his face. Shrugging her shoulders, she does as she was told and kept on walking deeper into the woods, wanting to spend her trip alone.

She doesn’t know what was on that paper, but she felt better than she ever did. Laying on a neon green field, the flowers were so colorful she couldn’t stare at them without squinting her eyes together. The sky was super bright, the sun smiled at her so beautifully that she couldn’t do anything besides smiling back at is. She didn’t want to stand up, but she wanted to explore the entire forest, maybe even talking to some deer and bunnies. Oh, and she wanted to be with Grayson so bad. Where was he? Probably with Toni, which Y/N liked now, he was nice.

“Fuck, angel. Why are you laying on these branches? We’ve been searching you the entire day, and why the fuck are you smiling at me?” Grayson seemed to be angry, but our angel didn’t care. She wanted to dance, swing around, listen to music. She couldn’t do that in the woods, but did it anyways. “Babe, can we go clubbing? I really, really want to dance, but here’s no music. I want to drink alcohol. Whoop, you’ve turned me into such a bad girl, you should spank me for that.” She laughed while twirling around her boyfriend, dancing like she was the happiest person on earth, which made Grayson generously smile before narrowing his eyebrows. “I shouldn’t just spank you, I should handcuff you to the bed and torture you, angel. But not now. And we can’t go clubbing in the woods, c’mon, let’s get you out of here. Toni, what did you give to her?” Y/N got bored of their talking, she kept walking, not caring about what Toni actually gave her.

Couple of hours later, they were sitting in some house full of Grayson’s and Toni’s friends. Whatever Toni gave Y/N, she felt nothing of it anymore, the effect was completely gone, and she was on her daily low. She decided to sit outside, curling up in front of some creek and watching the water flowing, not caring about the party, just waiting for Grayson to look after her.

“Yo, Pumpkin, why don’t you come inside? The last few lines are gone and I have the last bag of the good stuff saved. I’m sure you don’t wanna spend time with GrayPal when you’re sober, c’mon in”, Toni pads her shoulder before running back inside, her sad body following him. As soon as she was inside, she sees Grayson, his bleached mop of hair bent over the table, a roll of money in his nose, snorting whatever is on the table. Raising her eyebrow, Y/N remembers about him telling her he’d only do weed and pills, him snorting coke was nothing she wanted to see. She grew nervous, not knowing what he’d be like on this high, so she kept watching the situation before sitting down next to one of his handsome friends, another roll of money in her hand.

Seconds later, her nose was burning as hell, but the feeling went away soon enough to be replaced by a sudden high. She felt like the king of the clouds, not being able to sit still. “What are we even doing here? Let’s go celebrate our lives!” Dragging a happy looking Grayson with her, everyone went to a house party in the neighborhood where one line followed another, Y/N didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to feel small again.

“Grayson, I fucking love you. I’m so happy we came here.” They were dancing like a 70-year-old couple, holding each other tight, his head laying on top of hers. “Mh, love you too, angel. Want to feel ya, c’mon upstairs”, he mumbles into her ear while grabbing her hand and leading her into the first empty bedroom, closing the door. Of course they fucked, Y/N riding Grayson who had no strength left to pound into her like usual, both coming to their highs, before Grayson fell asleep underneath his angel. Suddenly, the walls started to move towards Y/N, the room getting tinier. “Gray, can you see that? Gray? Grayson!” She panicked, probably the drugs, probably her paranoia, but Toni was soon next to her naked body. “Calm down, Pumpkin. Breathe. Gray’s just sleeping, let him be, don’t miss the party! C’mon!” He gave her another mouth full of pills which she swallowed without even asking. She then put the blanket over Grayson before getting dressed, suddenly feeling pumped again. Toni was right, the party has just started, why let it be over again?

She had left Grayson sleeping in this room, went downstairs and has been dancing ever since. She can’t even remember, with whom she danced, doesn’t even know their names. At first, Y/N kept standing in the doorframe, watching the crowd but after what seemed like an eternity, some red-haired girl with lots of cute freckles came up to her, grabbing her hand and laid in onto her naked breasts. She was naked like most of them, her bright green eyes watching her carefully. Y/n couldn’t stop staring at her beautiful body, her face and those bright pink lips. Neither of them used words, all that the unknown girl did, was intertwining their hands and leading our girl into the group of people.

Another girl went straight towards them, this time pale with brown locks, but still as beautiful as the other girl. She kinda reminded Y/N of how her religion teacher always described Eve. It felt like it was her destiny to get down on those girls, enjoying and praising the female body like the garden Eden. The only problem she had, was which of those girls to kiss first, Eve or the fairy like goddess? As if it took her too long, they took the situation in their hands and started to undress the angel first, while some other person took advantage of her lips. All she felt was stubble and rough hands, but she didn’t want to know more about this person. Getting lost in a wild tongue fight, saliva soon dribbling down her chin, their kiss came soon to an end. As Y/N opened their eyes, the guy was nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, she didn’t know what he looked like, so she didn’t know whom to search.

Her eyes scanned the crowded room, people getting off together, her being almost jealous about the open minded atmosphere. Her hands slowly made their way down her now naked stomach, two fingers lightly pressing down onto her clit, making her squirm and let out a strangled moan. This situation was more than just a turn on, her pussy wet and drenched in Grayson’s cum from before. Eve and the fairy pulled Y/N out of her thoughts when she felt their lips roaming her naked body, which lead her into closing her eyes again, fully sinking into this moment.

Plump lips sucking on her clit, tongues exploring her folds and fingertips brushing over her sensitive nipples brought Y/N to heaven. She grabs Eve’s hair to hold her close to her pussy, bucking her hips onto her needy tongue. The ginger girl came back with a bag full of pretty pictures printed on paper, putting one on her tongue before kissing Angel. She felt it stick onto her tongue before ending the kiss and swallowing what was left in her mouth before smirking at her. Y/N’s kinky side set free, so she decided to push the fairy-like girl also on her knees and presses her face into her cunt as well. They played with each other’s tits, which made Y/N come pretty quickly, squirting on those pretty faces. Then, they decided to lay down on the couch, eating each other out, fingering and playing with their wetness, before being overwhelmed by another orgasm. Y/N felt like she was in some kind of pervert porn, while watching those girls lick of their wetness from each other’s faces. People around them clapped, whistled and soon Y/N was the one on her knees, sucking different cocks and being cummed onto. The point was, she couldn’t say she disliked it. She loved the feeling of being loved by so many people, loved being the one to give all the love she had in her body to all those people who made her feel those pretty things.

#grayson dolan #graysondolan #Dolan twins #Dolantwins #dolan #grayson #Dolan twins fanfiction #Grayson Dolan fanfiction #masterlist

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imagines-so-what-if · 7 years ago

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G is for Goodbye For Now

Headcanons for Sherlock, Mycroft, and Moriarty

The prompt: In which you have to say a temporary goodbye (either because you or he has to leave the country for a couple weeks or something like that).

Genre: Bittersweet fluff

Rating: K+ (arguably T for Moriarty)

SHERLOCK MASTERLIST

Headcanons for when Sherlock has to be apart from his S/O for a time:

Let’s be honest he’d probably tag along with you wherever you went if he didn’t have a case. He’d try to be all smooth about it and attempt to surprise you (like dressing up as a waiter at whatever restaurant you’re visiting while away).

But if he’s on a case that takes him out of the country / or is preoccupied enough that he can’t come along then he’ll miss you like crazy(not that he would ever admit that to anyone).

(“Shut up Watson, I don’t miss anyone.”)

He’ll throw himself into something to keep his mind preoccupied while you’re separate. He’ll be desperate for a case.

Any text message he gets from you is immediately read no matter the situation.

“Sherlock we’re about to visit the queen, put your phone away.”

“No. Now do shut up.”

Be prepared for late night / early morning phone calls of him randomly checking in. Whenever you’re on his mind and an odd thought that you maybe-might-kinda-sorta be in danger he’ll promptly call you to assuage his worry.

“You really need to stop calling me at two-thirty in the morning…”

“You really need to hurry up and come home.”

If something prevents you two from being reunited (such as freaky weather) then he’ll be restless and snippy. He’ll constantly pace and snarl at anyone who tries to approach him (even John).

If someone prevents you two from being reunited then Sherlock will go out of his way to make his/her/their life miserable for however long it takes before he sees you again.

(and maybe if he feels petty enough he’ll continue to make his/her/their life miserable even after being reunited with you.)

If you’re away too long for his liking (like months away) he’ll make up some emergency to force you to come back. Might even “accidentally” get his foot shot during a case and “coincidentally” slip into a coma and won’t wake up until you return.

Once you’re reunited though, regardless of the reasons (please don’t be too mad at him for the deception, he just really missed you / “To be fair you should have foreseen my actions going into this relationship.”) he’ll be happy.

He’ll take you into his arms and kiss you as hard as he can. If he’s waiting to pick you up at the airport then the affection will stop there until you get home, but once you’re at his flat then you can expect lots of physical affection that night. You won’t be leaving his arms again any time soon.

If he’s the one who’s away then he’ll blitz through whatever is keeping him away from home. Super sassy to anyone who slows him down.

Headcanons for when Mycroft has to be away from S/O for a time

It’s rare for Mycroft to have to leave the country due to his job, but it still happens. He understands that it can’t be helped when he does leave, and he’s understanding when you have to leave.

He’s not needy or dependent, but he’ll still miss you. His smiles while the two of you are apart will be strained and barely polite. It’ll be noted by others that he seems “distinctly colder than usual.”

“Are you okay, sir? You seem a little—”

“I’m fine,” Mycroft interrupted, cold eyes glittering with barely constrained disdain.

He will absolutely buy you little things that he thinks you’ll like. Most of it will be food related, but if you’re into collecting—for example—teacups then he’ll see if he can find a unique teacup from whatever country he’s in.

He will call you every night without fail at exactly the hour you go to bed.

“Good night, my dear.”

He will message you Good morning MH every morning.

If someone prevents him from returning to you on schedule it will irritate him to the point he’ll lose his composure in public for a brief moment or two. He’ll get snippy with those involved and if it’s an actual person’s fault (not just freaky weather) he’ll be ruthless in punishing them.

Mycroft will actively try to make them run away crying.

He’ll be waiting for you at the airport when you return, but wouldn’t expect the same of you (but if you are there he’ll be extremely happy).

If reuniting in public he’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and a brief (but tight) hug. He’s not prone to PDA after all, and he is a gentleman (at least to his S/O).

But when you’re reunited in private he’ll shower you with kisses and hold your hand for the rest of the night.

He’ll make it a point to cuddle with you that night.

He’s so happy to be with you.

Headcanons for when Moriarty has to be away from his S/O

Let’s be honest: if Moriarty’s S/O has to leave the country there is no way in hell he’s letting him/her/them leave without him. He’d prefer it if his S/O remained safe and sound at home and will be entirely against his S/O going anywhere without him (even trips around London require lots of bodyguards and ahead planning).

That being said he may still have to take trips outside of the country. He’ll dislike being away from his pet for so long and will actively avoid it.

But when he finally has to do it, he’ll be as brisk and quick as he can about the whole ordeal. If, goodness forbid, something was preventing him from returning home sooner than he’d like (such as unexpected weather or an idiot making a mistake) then he’ll be extremely irritated. Heads are gonna roll when Moriarty’s in a bad mood.

“S-Sir, it looks like someone forgot t-to keep up on plane maintenance.”

Moriarty pauses in his texting to look up at his guard. The man was flushed with fear. Moriarty gave him a thin smile. “And?”

“A-And we’ll have a delayed r-return, s-sir.”

“Mmm. I see. I see.” Jim Moriarty’s eyes shone with a kind of sadistic glee. “How odd, I thought April Fool’s was last month.”

“I-It was.”

“Then I don’t see why you’re telling me this. Fix it and bring me whoever is responsible.”

Lots of texts and random phone calls to check in on you (unless he has access to the security cameras in his home then he’ll just double check that you’re okay before going about his business.)

Will absolutely buy you a bunch of really weird trinkets that he thinks you might like, or find funny.

Will carry on text conversations with you even if in the middle of a business meeting. May even take some pictures if he’s in the mood for it.

“S-Sir…?”

“Shut up, I’m talking to someone infinitely more interesting than you worthless morons.”

Reunion will be very physical and dramatic. He’ll pick you up if he can and spin you around, then kiss you all over.

You won’t be leaving his side for quite a while. Or getting out of bed.

#Sherlock x reader #Sherlock headcanons #Sherlock reader insert #Mycroft x reader #Mycroft headcanons #Mycroft imagine #Sherlock Imagine #Moriarty x reader #Moriarty headcanons #Moriarty reader insert #Mycroft reader insert #Moriarty imagine #x reader #reader insert

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takaraphoenix · 7 years ago

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Hi! I don't to sound annoying, but I think my last ask may have fallen into the void so here goes: do you have any tips for starting an AO3 account? Sorry if you got the last one and just didn't feel like answering

Oh no, sweetie. Not annoying at all!

And while I do usually not instantly get around to answering and the asks might lay around for a day or two... yeah, I don’t have any other ask from you, so, good you send it again ;)

Tips? Mh.

1. The Basics!

Let’s start with the most basic thing. Your name.

Is your name a “brand”? That is to say; do you already have a recognizable name? Do people know you from other sites? Tumblr, DeviantArt, Fanfiction.Net, Wattpad, other sites I don’t know?

Then maybe pick the same name, if available. People who already like you might recognize it! They will also have an easier time finding you.

Not to mention, the human brain can not remember that many names and if you make them remember that oh, your name on this site is XYZ and your name on another site is ABC but on the next site they can find you as A2C... that might be asking a bit too much of them.

So make it easy for people who like you to find you! ;)

But don’t make it too easy for people to find you.

That is to say; don’t put personal information on your profile. Don’t link to your facebook, best not put your real name on there. The internet is not exactly a safe place, there are bad people, there are creepy people and there are also dangerous people. So always stay safe.

Now that you got your name and a profile that, instead of leading to personal information best leads to your other accounts, such as tumblr, you’re all set to post your first fic!

2. Write a decent summary.

If you move to AO3 from a site like FFNet, you are used to a pathetically short character limit that doesn’t allow much freedom.

Your summary is your window into the fic. It’s supposed to be the hook. Nowadays, tags take over parts of that job too but in the end, the summary is the final sell.

It’s tricky to find a good balance between explaining your story in an intriguing way and not spilling all the beans. Because you don’t want to spoil the ending, you want them interested in reading more and not left with the feeling that they already know everything that’s going to happen.

The same as with the tags apply; include what you think is truly important. What do people need to know about this story before going into it? Think of it as a trailer to a movie. What’s the best pitch?

3. Tagging makes fandom life easier.

Tagging is the one important feature about AO3 that makes it so beautiful and special. And tagging seems to be the hardest task for authors.

There are those who undertag and those who overtag.

You don’t have to literally tag everything - like “kissing” and “hand holding” and the sexual orientation of every single character that will as much as be mentioned in the fic. If readers face a literal wall of tags, chances are they just won’t read it and skip the entire thing.

Undertagging isn’t good either though. If things are too vague, many might also feel like it’s not worth wasting time on checking it out because the risk of running into something they might dislike is too high.

My personal approach to it is to tag everything I see as relevant. Things that, if I see them tagged in a story, instantly make me click it. Like, if I write a story that is centered particularly around the angst and feels of a certain character; tag it. There might be people desperately looking for a fic that centers on that character’s emotional turmoil.

And be on the safe side with smut too. Tag what you’re doing; there might be certain things that are uncomfortable for readers and that they are trying to avoid. That can be as simple as the what, or even as the who does what. For example, if I see a tag for explicit content but the author did not bother tagging who tops and bottoms, I generally don’t even bother clicking on the fic anymore, because despite the fact how most authors claim that topping and bottoming has “nothing to do with the character”, 90% of fanfiction authors still have it hard-wired in their brains that fics are more bottom-centric, that the bottom is portrayed as the shyer one who needs to be fussed over and comforted while the top is the brash, brave one. So to avoid running into literal fuckery where the roles are reverse to how I view the characters, I just don’t even try anymore.

Which means that tagging top and bottom can a) cause people who are looking for specific fics with a specific character as either of those to find your fic and be happy about it and also that b) someone who doesn’t enjoy the order you enjoy not to run into something they dislike.

Which actually summarizes the way I apply tags anyway. Don’t tag everything, but tag everything you think someone might be looking for in a fic, or might be trying to avoid. It’s both a lure and a warning in once.

Also, trigger warnings. You plan on writing heavier subjects? Murder, self-harm, torture, abuse, rape? Definitely put it in the tags. There are people who might just be really squeamish about it and don’t like it, which should already be reason enough to warn, but there are also people who have a serious history with such issues and might be triggered by them. So if you tag such things, they might already be filtered out by having been blacklisted by the users and you might have just made some people’s lives a little easier.

Tag your pairings. Maybe best in order of importance; many might just look at the first listed pairing, used to authors sorting them by importance and thus dismissing the fourth, fifth or sixth ship you tag as just random side-pairing. So if you have a main-pairing, always tag it first.

Also include character tags. I was recently told that there are apparently actually people who filter by character tags. News to me, though I do check the character tags too to see if my faves are in it.

4. Use the features AO3 offers!

This starts with something as simple as the fact that AO3 sends you mails about Kudos and comments. It’s a great way to stay up to date with how much love your fics gain.

Now that we’re at it; comments. Reply to them, if you have the time. Those are people who are interested in your work, in something you evidently love enough to put it out there. Engaging with them is a brilliant feeling. Getting feedback on your things and getting to know what they expect of your work or want from it. Occasionally, it can even be very inspiring and give you an idea to include to your story that you hadn’t even thought about!

Another thing about comments however is that you can moderate them. It’s a feature I personally don’t use because I’m a veteran at this point and there’s nothing I haven’t seen in the comment section to I’m not that easily fazed.

But if you are still new to not just AO3 but fanfiction in general and if you might write a ship the so-called antis deem “problematic” - which, at this point in time, can literally be any ship aside from canon no, wait, canon too - you might do yourself a favor there. Because fandom life can be beautiful but it can also be hell. There might be shitheads who come to your fic and say nasty, bad things about your pairing choice, your fanfiction, your writing, maybe even you yourself as a person because they’re trying to hurt you.

Don’t let it get to you.

But if you are more sensible about such things, then maybe moderating reviews can be a useful feature for you because it allows you to delete spam and flames without them ever showing up in the fic. You can always flag reviews as spam or delete them, even if you don’t use the feature, but you’ll have an ugly “scar” on your comment section that says [this review has been deleted].

One of the most handy features AO3 has - after the tagging - is in my eyes the series-feature. It allows you to bundle multiple fics together under one umbrella. Personally, I really hate when people post oneshot collections on AO3 as one fic and there’s tags for like 20 fandoms, 30 pairings and 60 kinks in that one fic and you as the reader have no way of telling which of the additional kinks would now relate to which pairing. The far easier and cleaner solution would be to post oneshots seperately, so people can easier tell what they individually are, and mark them as part of a series for that collection. It’s, of course, a matter for authors, but I’m not the only one who simply scrolls past such oneshot collections because I don’t have the patience to go through it just to notice all my kinks are tags that would belong to a shot I’m not interested in (not to mention the ones that already tagged the collection as including a pairing but 20 shots in that pairing has still not been written, or the ones that don’t include in the chapter title what pairing and fandom the individual shot is... and you’d literally have to seep through 30 chapters to find that one pairing in the collection that you’re interested in. Yeah no, I got better things to do with my time and close the whole thing).

So yeah, the series function makes it far easier to gather things you want to put under an umbrella but still make easy to navigate for your readers, which, always nice.

Another handy feature about AO3 is that you can put links into the fic. So if a character starts singing a song in the middle of the fic for romantic mood... Not everyone recognizes a song by its lyrics and it just doesn’t set the mood as well; how about just putting a link to a YouTube video over the first line that the character sings? Your readers can open it in another tab and let it set the mood for your fic.

5. Don’t let haters get to you!

I know I mentioned it above already, that you shouldn’t let shitheads get to you, but it’s important enough to earn its own separate point on the list.

Fandoms are filled with hatred and mean, nasty, selfish people who will do and say everything to keep their fandoms “pure” and thus attack people who ship or like things they themselves don’t like.

That can, at times, be really drowning and hard, so you need to focus on the good parts. If you’re a first-time writer, you might not yet have the connections, or you already do from tumblr and other sites, I don’t know, but let’s say you don’t. Then make them. A point of that is the above mentioned “interact with your readers” advise I gave you; the people happy about what you write are the good people and the kind of people in fandom that you want to associate with - so just do it. Do it, make friends, find people who you can gush to about this thing you both love.

If you already got those contacts from other sites? That’s great! But hey, never too late to make more friends and meet more fellow fans.

But those people are incredibly important if you want to participate in any fandom, because they are what reminds you that the fandom can be safe, sane and nice. That it can be a beautiful place and that it’s worth loving.

Because otherwise the hate from the other part of the fandom might get to you and it might even make you dislike the show/movie/book itself simply by association. I’m sorry that I’m sounding like such a downer here toward the end, but I’ve already seen it and gone through it myself, that if you fall into the deep end of negative fandoms, they can ruin everything for you. So it’s a piece of advise that is very dear and important for me to give - find the safe, sane and nice part of the fandom, claim it for yourself and enjoy it and don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to enjoy and love it.

And that’s it. That’s all I can think of, at least. I hope there was at least some useful stuff in it, but since I don’t know how experienced you are with fanfiction writing and posting, I figured I’d better be more thorough and more general about it. Better give too much advise than too little, I guess.

Now, one last thing: Enjoy writing and never forget to enjoy writing; never let it become a “task”, always love it, okay? ;)

#Fanfiction #Writing #Fanfiction Writing #Advise #or at least I tried #AO3 #thisblogisdeaderthanspacedaddy

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ofmythsandmists · 7 years ago

Text

On Unseelie princesses, Kierarktina and binding spells – A QOAAD theory

Ok, I have been thinking about this for a while and I see no reason NOT to share it (may the gods be with whom decide to read it).

So, since Clare has presented the Unseelie King on tumblr, we know that he has fifty sons and only two daughters, she also posted a photo of them on her pinterest. Though she pointed out that the images she chooses on pinterest do not always resemble the characters they are referred to, we can see that these two girls have dark hair and are almost identical. Do you know who they resemble?

“They were close to two girls dancing together; both of them had their black hair bound up in elaborate crowns of berries and acorns. They wore dresses of russet and brown, ribbons around their slim throats.”

“Other than their different-colored eyes, they looked nearly identical.”

Yup, the two faeries who did the binding spell on Mark and Cristina.

I know that everyone has been hoping the Unseelie princesses would be someone else, maybe someone nice (like Kit’s mother) but, mh, what’s the point in making these two faeries appear out of the blue, make them curse the main characters and then disappear? Nothing.

First of all, they seemed to know who Mark is.

“Enjoy the binding,Hunter.”

I know heterochromia is a distinctive mark of Hunters in general, but still…

Moreover, Kieran reacted nervously when he saw the mark of a ribbon on Cristina’s wrist.

“The shape of a ribbon,” he said. “You say you were tied together during a revel?”

“Yes,” said Cristina. “By two girls. They knew we were Nephilim. They laughed at us.”

Kieran’s grip on her tightened.

The answer I gave to myself for this behavior is that he knew who did the spell.

My theory on why he actually didn’t say anything about it is because he felt somewhat guilty for what happened to Mark and Cristina (and if I’m right he is not totally wrong). I have two theories about why the Unseelie princesses could have cursed Mark:

To revenge Kieran: they knew who Mark was, knew he was Kieran’s lover and saw him dancing quite intimately with a girl. Mark was, therefore, betraying his promise of the heart to Kieran, which among the Fair Falk is a great tracery. So they cursed Mark (and Cristina).

To piss off Kieran: they may be enemies of Kieran, maybe they are among the ones who plotted to send him away in the Hunt. They saw his lover (I’m always assuming they know that Mark is not just a random Hunter) and decided to have some fun mocking their little brother through making Mark suffer.

Honestly, I’m more for the first hypothesis, which may or may not made these two a little bit more likable. We should wait and see…

HOWEVER, THIS THEORY IS NOT OVER (you wished)

What made me really think about the curse is a post I read a while ago here on tumblr (I don’t really remember in which tag, if you are reading me, let me know), in which they talked about something Mark said to Cristina after the meeting with the two mysteries women:

“That could have been very bad. A binding spell like that can tie two people together and send one of them mad, make them drown themselves and pull the other in after them.”

Now, as for the faeries, we know Clare does not write things like these randomly. There as to be a connection to some future event.

Reading LOS, I had the impression that the way the curse was broken by Magnus was a little bit… rushed? I mean, of course, I did take all the book but it was way too simple.

So… What if is not actually broken? What if Magnus’ potions just slowed the effect but the curse can be broken only by the ones who made it? Which means the Unseelie princesses.

I can imagine Kieran would not know exactly how this kind of spells works, because we know he was not really trained in magic while he was in the Court. Only when something wrong will start happening to Mark and/or Cristina they will all understand that the curse is still on its way.

With these premises, I suspect Kierartina’s part in QOAAD will be mainly focused on finding Kieran’s sisters and (really) break the curse.

#sorry my english is bad #and i should study but who cares #qoaad theories #qoaad #queen of air and darkness #kierarktina #cristina rosales #kieran #kieran of the hunt #kieran hunter #mark blackthorn #the dark artifices #the shadowhunter chronicles #qoaad predictions #tda #tsc

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anonymoustalks · 4 years ago

Text

It was difficult being vegetarian on dorm, i said i would return once i was done

(6-20-20) You both like conversation.

You: hi

Stranger: Hey

You: anything on your mind?

Stranger: Blank slate over here

Stranger: Very zen

Stranger: Tabula rasa

You: that's nice

You: I've been thinking about my self-esteem

Stranger: How high it is?

You: mhm right now it's kind of on the low side

Stranger: Ooof

Stranger: Everyone has those moments

You: so on omegle I often go to the #politics tag

You: and I often get called dumb

You: and I'm reflecting on that i think

Stranger: Talking politics online is a mistake

You: mhm ^^ yeah it's poor judgement

Stranger: Yeaaa

Stranger: How old are you?

You: 26

You: I like to find strongly opinionated people

You: and talk to them

You: because I want to understand them

Stranger: People who talk politics online arent here to come to an understanding

You: but I think in part through the way I talk, I end up getting called dumb a lot

You: mhm

Stranger: Welp, calling someone dumb isnt cool

You: yeah a lot of them are mean

You: but I want to know why they're angry

Stranger: Read books or articles

You: mhm I guess

Stranger: Not random internet weirdos opinions

You: I feel like I'm just skeptical when I read books/articles by professors or whichever about "white rage" or things like that

You: so I think it's valuable to talk to people from places where I've never been to

Stranger: People have trouble articulating thoughts and opinions, especially with topics that make them angry

You: mhm

You: I try to ask them about what their life is like

You: and things they care about aside from the hot button issues

Stranger: Truu

You: A lot of them are just really mean though

Stranger: Welcome to the internet

You: yeah

You: anyway enough about me

You: what do you normally talk about on omegle? ^^

Stranger: Oof, anything really

Stranger: Books, shows, hobbies

You: mhm

You: I like to talk about values

You: or like things that are important to you

You: kind of like if there is one thing in the world

You: that you would never give up

Stranger: No wonder you've had so many bad experiences

You: lol why?

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Whats your values?

You: mhm, I think I value empathy

You: and just being kind

Stranger: I can see that

You: as for things I wouldn't give up...

You: I guess my individuality

You: (whatever that means)

You: sorry it's super abstract haha

Stranger: Lol, thats cool

Stranger: Values usually are

You: um, for physical things, I wouldn't want to give up the internet lol

Stranger: Is the internet physical?

You: fine lol, I guess that's abstract lol

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: You dont want to give up the server rooms and cables

You: lol

You: I'm not christian, but I find the concept of giving things up during lent fascinating

Stranger: What about ramadan you western centric shill

You: haha

You: I actually don't know anything about ramadan

Stranger: Ohhh

Stranger: I dont know a ton about it either tbh

You: I think I just remember people talking about fasting

Stranger: Mhmm

Stranger: They fast and avoid water during the day

You: mhm

You: I think lent interests me because I had a lot friends who would be like "I'm giving up chocolate"

You: or something random or specific

Stranger: Truue

You: it made me think about what I would give up, if I were to give something up

Stranger: Depends what the goal is right

Stranger: Whats the goal of lent?

You: mhm

You: umm

Stranger: Like am i trying to be closer to god?

You: (I don't know so I went to wikipedia lol)

Stranger: Trying to understand sacerfice

You: yes sacrifice

Stranger: Truu

Stranger: No idea what i would give up

You: mhmm

Stranger: Social media?

You: I hardly use social media haha

You: I went vegetarian for year and a half in college just because

Stranger: Oh nicee!

Stranger: That can be difficult

You: idk I didn't really have a sophisiticated reason for it

Stranger: I was vegetarian for four years

You: ohhh cool

You: why were you vegetarian?

Stranger: Ethical reasons

You: mhm

Stranger: I didnt like the meat supply chain and resources used for it

You: right

You: for me I had a bad break up and just spontaneously and randomly decided I didn't want to eat meat

Stranger: I'm the opposite of you, i stopped being vegetarian when i went to college

Stranger: Ohhh, yeah breakups suck

You: was there a reason why you stopped?

Stranger: It was difficult being vegetarian on dorm, i said i would return once i was done

You: ahh

Stranger: But i started getting really into fitness

Stranger: Hard to hit the macros with a vegetarian diet

You: right

Stranger: Why'd you stop being vegetarian?

You: mhm... I think I just stopped being vegetarian randomly

You: ...it's probably not very sophisticasted either

You: I've thought about it once or twice why I ended up vegetarian

Stranger: i feel like its appropriate, randomly stop what you randomly started

You: I guess I must have treated it like how ppl sometimes get a haircut after a breakup

You: like I think I wanted a different feeling to my life

Stranger: I didnt know that was a thing lol

You: ohh yeah like it's a stereotype

Stranger: I know about delete facebook and hit the gym

You: haha

Stranger: Didya get a fancy new doo?

You: no not really

Stranger: Rip, you had the perfect excuse to experiment

You: yeah it's true

You: I wanted to dye my hair in college

You: but never got the courage for it

You: and then towards the end, I was worried about jobs after graduating

Stranger: You play it real safe

You: yeah I do haha

You: are you risky?

Stranger: I dont think im risky exactly

Stranger: Just more than you lol

You: lol

You: can you give some examples?

Stranger: I have alot of extreme look changes

You: ohh

Stranger: Its fun

You: yeah it sounds like it would be

Stranger: And if it goes bad its fun to joke about

You: oh haha

You: I get self-conscious easily

Stranger: Yeah i get it

You: a lot of times I convince myself that a lot of peers secretly hate me

Stranger: Ooof, i've done that too

You: I think I need to be friendlier

Stranger: Also imposter syndrome

You: but I'm a huge introvert

Stranger: Mhmmm

You: and yeah imposter syndrome

Stranger: It can be hard to put yourself out there

Stranger: What did you go to college for?

You: biology

Stranger: fancy

You: it's like one of the most common majors lol

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Did you like it?

You: mhm I liked it enough

Stranger: Thats dope

You: what about you?

Stranger: Finance and accounting

You: oh wow

Stranger: I was actually a biomed major before switching

You: ahh

Stranger: Hated itt

You: I know nothing about finance and accounting haha

Stranger: Especially labs

Stranger: Ughh

You: yeah labs are terrible

Stranger: "I know nothing about finance and accounting haha" Sometimes i feel that way too

You: oh my ^^

You: are you in that as a career right now?

Stranger: Yup yup

Stranger: Well right now im just doing contract work

You: mh so you're wealthy then? (jk jk)

Stranger: Was switching jobs when this shit went down

Stranger: Lol i wish

You: mhm

You: what exactly is contract work?

You: like I know contractors

You: but in terms of finance and accounting...?

Stranger: I do some tax services for clients of an accounting firm i used to work for

You: ahh

You: independent contractor?

Stranger: Yeaa

Stranger: What do you do?

You: ohhh does that count as self-employment?

You: I'm in grad school

You: ...for biology

Stranger: o lawd

Stranger: They got you in the grad trap eh

You: lol

You: haha

You: mhm yeah dunno when I'll be finished lol

Stranger: They almost got me too, but i was broke for too long

You: mhmm

Stranger: fuck you pay me

You: lol

Stranger: i joke, are you enjoying it?

You: yup, well, as much as I can

You: there's the typical stress and things

Stranger: Mhmm

Stranger: So its a masters?

You: phd

Stranger: ooooo

Stranger: You fell hard for it

You: yeah lol

Stranger: Lol, thats cool af

Stranger: Doctor stranger

You: lol I feel like I'm never going to graduate lol

Stranger: You got this

You: you're really supportive and nice (random)

Stranger: Lol thanks

Stranger: People usually say i have a bristly personality

You: really?

You: I think you have an active and engaging personality

You: but also very nice

Stranger: I like poking funnnnn

You: and the active personality gives the perception that you're really listening

You: which matters a lot

Stranger: I'm a good listener i feel like

You: mhm, you seem like one

Stranger: You're pretty chill too

You: thanks ^^

Stranger: Despite fighting politics online

You: lol I don't fightttt

Stranger: Despite trying to bridge the political divide online

You: that sounds terrible lol

Stranger: It is

Stranger: The internet kinda sucks with politics lol

You: mhm

You: I feel like it's hard to have deep conversations irl

Stranger: Depends

Stranger: Some people are more receptive than others

You: mhm true

Stranger: I get online its easier to be yourself, but its also easier to be an asshole

You: mhm true

You: I think I worry a lot about interpersonal relationships irl

Stranger: How so?

You: mhm, like there's a group dynamic I guess?

Stranger: Ohhh

Stranger: So where are you from?

Stranger: Did i ask that already?

You: and the there's work colleagues

You: nope

You: new england somewhere

Stranger: myseriousss

Stranger: Are you lost?

You: new england is small enough it could be like a state if you put it all together haha

Stranger: Go pats

Stranger: With that i exhausted my sports knowledge

You: lol I'm not very knowledgeable either

You: although we hold football watching parties at my house

Stranger: I know people hate the patriots

Stranger: Because they dont inflate their balls or something

You: huuh, see I have no idea what that means

Stranger: Not cool new england, inflate them please

You: lol

Stranger: Wow, you're worst than me

You: yup!

You: I'm also bad with tv shows, movies, and music

You: basically it's hopeless if you want to have a normal conversation with me

Stranger: Im listening to music right now lol

You: lol

Stranger: I love talking about all those topics

Stranger: But i can talk about anything tbh

You: I just don't know anything ^^

You: what do you listen to?

Stranger: Like right now or in general?

You: either

Stranger: Pick one so i can start

You: general!

Stranger: You got it

Stranger: I loveeee

Stranger: Folk music

Stranger: Blue grass

Stranger: R&B

Stranger: Motown

Stranger: Soul

Stranger: Rap

You: cool

Stranger: Thanks

You: I have no idea what blue grass is haha

Stranger: Should i ask what you listen to lol?

You: um the answer would be whatever youtube plays

Stranger: Wise

You: basically pop bc I don't know anything else lol

Stranger: Lol thats fine

Stranger: Pop is fun

You: where are you from?

Stranger: Canada

You: ohh cool

Stranger: Thanks

Stranger: Its pretty nice this time of year where im from

You: mhmm summer

Stranger: Yeaaa

You: I'm like looking up your genres lol

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Want me to recommend a song?

You: yeah that would be nice

You: I found Wanderlust 🌲 - An Indie/Folk/Pop Playlist | Vol. I

You: because I guess I automatically go to playlists lol

Stranger: always alright- alabama shakes

Stranger: Lol, playlists are a good way to discover music imo

You: I often don't go back to figure out what songs are what though

You: this was my problem with the radio

You: I recognized songs

You: but had no idea who the artists or songs were

Stranger: I do that with albums when i listen to them cover to cover

Stranger: I never know the song names, just how they go

You: mhm

Stranger: So what area if your phd in?

Stranger: Is that too personal to ask?

You: immunology

Stranger: fancyy

You: it always sounds fancy, but I have no clue what I'm doing

Stranger: Give me some fire immunology facts

Stranger: Loool

Stranger: Ohh

You: uhhhhh

You: random facts uhh idk

Stranger: Lol its ok

You: lol kay haha

Stranger: I kinda put you on the spot

You: mhm it's fine, although I was racing in my head to find something that actually makes sense lol

Stranger: Sorry im so dumb : (

You: no, as in immunology seriously doesn't make sense

You: like it's basically jibberish

Stranger: Lol i get alot of it would go over my head, im just kidding

You: like CD45RA+ AB T cells

Stranger: BRAH

Stranger: Thats my favorite cell

You: lol

Stranger: I like how they

Stranger: Multiply

You: lol

Stranger: coolest ribosomes in the game

You: you're so chill

Stranger: I know

Stranger: My cell knowledge is sublime

You: lol

You: is there a reason why you like to come on omegle?

Stranger: Uhhh, i like talking to people

Stranger: So the quarantine kinda sucks for me

You: mhm

You: I forgot it was the quarantine

You: I was just thinking it's a friday night and you seem too cool for omegle on a friday haha

Stranger: Lolllll

Stranger: Trust me, im a massive dork

Stranger: Just a pretty social one

You: right

Stranger: Recommend me a song?

You: ohhhh so tough again

Stranger: Im not letting you off the hook this time

You: :c

Stranger: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You: *goes to dig through youtube history*

Stranger: Lol fair enough

You: do links work on omegle?

You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0OX-a17Hfk

Stranger: idk

Stranger: Did you send one?

You: yeah I did

Stranger: Naww lol

Stranger: Just tell me title and artist

You: v=W0OX-a17Hfk

Stranger: That works too

You: it's entirely instrumental

You: idk most of the stuff I listen to is just background music

You: for when I'm doing something

Stranger: I feel that, i listen to stuff without lyrics when im working too

Stranger: I like the art work

You: but yeah, I don't have much of a sophisticated taste in music or anything

Stranger: Dont worry, no music degree on the wall here

Stranger: I just know if i like something or dont

You: mhm it feels like most people have a strong sense of what they like an dislike ^^

You: for me it's kind of uhh... blank haha

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: I'll listen to any genre if i like the song

Stranger: This musics chill, i like it

Stranger: Reminds me of harvest moon

Stranger: Used to play as a kid

You: ohh

You: I've never played

You: I did briefly play rune factory on an emulator

You: but otherwise yeah I don't have a long list of games either ^^

You: I think I'm kind of boring overall

Stranger: lol you're not boring

Stranger: I wouldnt be talking to you if you were

You: oh lol

You: thanks

Stranger: Noo problem

Stranger: I'm kinda glad i found someone around my age to talk to tbh

You: ohh I forgot that I told you my age lol

You: do you normally get ppl much younger?

Stranger: I dont go here often tbh

Stranger: But yeah, alot of young people

You: mhm

You: I feel like you're probably the most normal person I've gotten in a while

Stranger: Lol im glad

Stranger: What do you usually get?

You: mhm angry people

Stranger: Also the political tag probably skewed your sample

You: a lot of people trolling or just having fun some way

Stranger: I seriously dont get the fun in trying to upset people

You: yeah I've been trying to understand that too

Stranger: Modern bullying i guess

Stranger: idk

You: like it doesn't work to ask "why do you like to be mean"

You: so I will continue with my research!

Stranger: Lol plz dont for your own sake

You: lol

You: haha

Stranger: Put the scientific method to bed

You: lol

Stranger: Do you know reddit?

You: yup

Stranger: Ask me anything

You: the subreddit?

Stranger: Naw, im doing an ama

You: ohhh

Stranger: You're the only one attending

You: lol

You: okay, I hope you don't mind if I push the pedal then

You: what do you regret most?

You: (I ask heavy stuff often lol >.<)

Stranger: Loll

Stranger: I felt like i should have ended my last relationship sooner than i did

You: mhm why?

Stranger: I was just kinda hoping the problems would get resolved

Stranger: And that kinda lead me to hold on

You: what kind of problems?

Stranger: Drawing the line here lol, i dont wanna be sad all day

You: ahh okay sorry lol

You: yeah I'm really nosy

Stranger: Lol its okk, i just dont wanna dwell in it

You: how long ago did you break up?

Stranger: How about you, whats your biggest regret?

Stranger: Few months ago

You: ohh

You: (I hope you're okay)

Stranger: I'm getting there

You: for me...

You: I guess not asking for help when I needed it

You: I don't have many regrets though

Stranger: Mhmm

Stranger: I never asked for help growing up

You: mhm I'm the same

You: or at least, I'm still really bad at asking for help

Stranger: I didnt wanna bother people, kinda just dealt with it on my own

Stranger: Yeahhh, its hard

You: right

You: and like I have a stupid amount of useless pride for something not important

Stranger: Sometimes i just try to remember that people do want to help alot of the time

Stranger: Oh truue

You: mhm right

Stranger: I also dont like looking dumb lol

You: yeah haha

You: okay for the next AMA: Make a confession of some kind that you don't ordinarily tell people

You: (though I guess this isn't a question)

Stranger: More like a demand

You: lol

You: clearly I'm not in the habit of doing ama's

Stranger: So like im pretty healthy and take care of myself alot

Stranger: And i come across as super confident

Stranger: But im like pretty insecure about my looks

You: mhm

Stranger: Like im pretty critical to myself

You: yeah we're often our own worst critics, right?

Stranger: Yeahhh

Stranger: How about you?

You: ohh

You: umm, how bad do I want to go lol?

Stranger: Lol, your call

You: I think I use omegle to boost my ego. Like I'm not interested in hooking up with anyone, but when people express interest in me it boosts my ego and then I can ditch them

You: >.>

Stranger: Ooof

You: was that heavy one?

Stranger: Lol no, i get it

Stranger: Im just preparing to be disconnected on lol

You: ohh I don't usually dc at all haha

Stranger: Mhmmm

Stranger: Well i think you're pretty cool tbh, take these ego points

You: oh haha

You: idk I think I'm selfish in a lot of various ways

Stranger: I feel like being able to refelct on it is like a good way to begin to address it

Stranger: Some people lives their entire lives without realizing what drives what they do

You: mhm

You: next AMA: What's something you dream of doing?

Stranger: A thru hike

You: thru hike?

Stranger: Its like a long hike that takes weeks or months

You: ahh wow that seems cool

Stranger: It isss, ive been on multiple day hikes

You: mhm I want to do one!

Stranger: But a thru hike would be amazing

Stranger: You can tag along lol

You: I have no idea how you would prepare for one haha

You: lol

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: You know how some people randomly plan holidays or online shop

Stranger: Just to waste time

You: mhm

Stranger: I plan thru hikes and my gear and food list sometimes lol

Stranger: Its pretty dorky

You: I think it's cool

You: wait so for a multi-day hike, how is that planned?

You: like do you usually go with someone?

Stranger: Solo or people

Stranger: I started going solo because its kind of hard to get people to come along

You: what do you pack?

Stranger: And being alone in the wilderness is kind of amazing

You: mhmm

Stranger: Pack alottt of stuff lol

You: lol

Stranger: I subscribe to the ultralight philosophy of hiking

You: mhhhm

Stranger: Where you try to keep gear minimal and light

Stranger: So you can go long distances and bee less tired

You: right

You: what do you see as essential?

Stranger: Tent

Stranger: Sleeping bag or quilt

Stranger: you're so lucky you're american

Stranger: You have better access to gear than i do lol

Stranger: Sleeping pad

Stranger: Backpack

You: really? for some reason I feel like canada has the outdoorsy stereotype haha

Stranger: Its legit amazing here nature wise

Stranger: Just harder and more expensive to get some gear lol

You: mhm

You: how much water/food do you pack?

Stranger: 2000 cals a day usually

Stranger: and i keep filtration tablets on me

Stranger: So i can reup on water

You: mhmm do you usually reup water?

You: I can see water getting a lot

Stranger: Streams usually

You: to carry

Stranger: Dont carry a ton, just reup on water

You: mhm

Stranger: being in nature is fun

Stranger: It feels like a reset for the brain sometimes

You: right totally

You: so do you usually pick hikes with nearby streams/water?

Stranger: Well there are usually trails people do

Stranger: Some people plan their own using a topical map

Stranger: I dontt

You: ah

Stranger: Topographic*

Stranger: Idk what topical is

You: on the surface of something ^^

Stranger: Lol oh

You: I guess it would just make sense to go a visitors center and ask for recommendations

Stranger: Naww, i usually just research it online

Stranger: I rambled a ton my bad lol

You: oh not at all

Stranger: What's something you dream of doing?

You: mhm I want to be lazy and copy yours lol

You: but I guess it's probably something vacation related

Stranger: The more the merrier

You: I'm super bad at planning

You: or more specifically, I procrastinate forever

You: so I don't plan vacations normally lol

Stranger: Loll

Stranger: I kinda like to wing it with a general idea of what i want to do

Stranger: I like exploring cities

Stranger: Where do you want to vacation?

You: ahh

You: mhmm I dunno lol

You: I so bad at being decisive lol

You: I do like outdoorsy things though

You: less so cities

You: I've never been clubbing or anything like that and I don't think I'd want to lol

You: I also don't drink very much

Stranger: Its overrated

Stranger: Im more outdoorsy too

Stranger: BUTTT

Stranger: Im a foodie

You: ohh

Stranger: and love stuffing my face when i visit a city

You: mhm that's cool

You: I think I like food until it gets too expensive

You: and then my heart sinks too much to enjoy it

Stranger: Brah fuck tourist traps

Stranger: I want hole in the wall joints

You: mhm those are great ^^

Stranger: Montreal is legit my favorite city

You: mhm montreal is great!

Stranger: Have you been?

You: yup!

Stranger: yessss!

Stranger: Have you tried the bagels lol

You: I think so

Stranger: Ughhh so good

You: ahhh yeah

Stranger: I bought two bags to bring back home lol

You: yeah I remember it now that I've googled it

You: they're fantastic

Stranger: Yeahhh

Stranger: Best souvlaki i ate was in montreal

You: ohh

You: I didn't know that was a huge thing there

Stranger: Idk if it is tbh

Stranger: But the place i went was fire

Stranger: Hard af to order tbh though lol

Stranger: They didnt speak english or much french

You: ohh interesting

Stranger: My cousin told me usually their daughter works the counter

Stranger: Im guessing thats why lol

You: lol

You: I took french in high school

You: but I forgot it all

Stranger: Welcome to the club

You: mh, it's kind of disappointing in a way

Stranger: Can always brush up on it

You: very true

Stranger: Do you know any other languages?

You: Chinese

Stranger: Mandarin or Cantonese?

You: mandarin

Stranger: Nicee

You: you?

Stranger: I can understand some hindi?

Stranger: Cant really speak much

You: ohh cool!

Stranger: Lol thanks

You: I can also understand better than I can speak

You: although my accent is okay

Stranger: First generation eh

You: mhm

You: uhh I mix up the generations

Stranger: Mhmm

You: I'm second generation

Stranger: Ohhh ok

Stranger: yeah i dont get generations either

Stranger: That means you're born here but your parents arent?

You: yup

Stranger: Ohhh, same then

You: I can never remember if that's first or second generation

Stranger: Preachh

Stranger: Alrii, hit me with another ama

You: mhm

You: let's seeee

You: bah I just thought one but it's basically the same lol

Stranger: Loll

You: biggest mistake lol

You: but that's so close to regret

Stranger: Should i ask?

You: sure

Stranger: OOff lemme think

You: looool

Stranger: lol

Stranger: Uhhhh

Stranger: Celeb crush lol?

You: ohh

Stranger: Sorry, i was struggling

You: no it's fine

You: I've never been a tv or film person so I never know actors

Stranger: Ooof i forgot

Stranger: Lemme think of another then

You: can I cheat and steal your question lol?

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Nuhh uhhh, if you dont answer it

You: lol so cheap

Stranger: No one to blame but yourself

Stranger: Shoulda gave into celebrity culture like the rest of us

You: I'll just continue to live under a rock lol

Stranger: Ok patrick

You: lol

Stranger: Lol i got one

Stranger: What spongebob character do you relate to the most

You: mhmmm this is a struggle again XD

You: I know like three characters so uhhh

Stranger: loll

Stranger: That should make it easier!

You: oh the snail!

Stranger: Lmaooo

Stranger: I was about to say you're a total gary

You: lol

Stranger: What spongebob character do you think im most like

You: mhm you're outgoing and friendly

Stranger: aww shucks

Stranger: You dont really know me

You: idk I feel like there's so little to chose from so just spongebob

You: mhm very true

Stranger: lol

You: AMA: What do I not know about you?

You: or what I am I getting wrong about you?

Stranger: Oof

Stranger: Thats hard

You: ^^

Stranger: mmmmmm

Stranger: I mean theres alot you dont know about me

Stranger: Uhhh, i'm pretty good at vollleyball and basketball?

Stranger: Such a basic answer

Stranger: I blanked out lol

You: ohh those are cool sports

You: did you play in high school?

Stranger: Naw

Stranger: I was almost in the football team

Stranger: But gave up when i found out how often id have to stay at school

Stranger: Im lazy

You: ahh

You: what did you do afterschool in high school?

Stranger: Study, tv, games

Stranger: I legit sucked in highschool

You: hm sucked?

Stranger: Was super boring, didnt really like going out of my comfort zone

You: ahh

Stranger: What were you like in highscool?

You: I feel like I'm still bad at going out of my comfort zone

You: um, I was basically like the walking stereotype

You: swimming, piano, study, manga, writing

Stranger: Oof, i remember the manga kids lol

You: lol

You: that was mostly at home for me though

You: I read it when I was supposed to be studying

Stranger: We had a circle who hung out in the library

You: ohh

Stranger: I read a little of bit of a manga to try it

Stranger: I've watched some animes though way later on lol

You: mhmm

You: I never watched anime in high school because manga was much more discreet lol

You: I could read it on my computer without my parents knowing lol

Stranger: Loll

Stranger: tiger parents

You: mhm kind of yes and no

You: yours?

Stranger: They were pretty strict

Stranger: Moving away from them really allowed me to grow as a person

You: mhm same

Stranger: Sooo, what mangas did you read

You: ohh I read everything

You: like I was addicted lol

You: I read enough that I forgot what I read and the just all blur together lol

Stranger: Loll woww

Stranger: Do you read books?

You: yup!

You: or well, I mostly stopped reading when I went to uni though

Stranger: Boo

You: yeah I know >.>

You: too many readings for uni instead

Stranger: Pick up reading again imo

You: mhm it would be good

You: what do you read?

Stranger: I jump around alot

Stranger: Some of my favorites are science fiction, mystery, fantasy, historical fiction, dystopian

You: mhm

You: I love dark stuff lol

Stranger: spoooky

Stranger: So like

Stranger: I looooove horror movies

You: (I can't watch horror lol)

Stranger: But i havent read many horror related books lol

Stranger: Loll

Stranger: Thats cool

You: mhm for me I mean dark as in heavy haha

Stranger: Oh truuue

Stranger: Have you read The Road?

You: nope!

Stranger: Pretty good

Stranger: What genres other than dark do you like lol

You: mhm do you like survival?

Stranger: Like not dying?

Stranger: Love it

You: lol

You: I meant as a genre kinda (if that is a genre?)

Stranger: Oof idk, i dont think ive read survival

Stranger: Like man vs nature type of deal?

You: oh as kid I read hatchet and some other similar ones

You: yup

You: as for other genres, in high school when I was still reading a lot, I read a lot of fantasy and generic stereotypical trashy romance stuff

Stranger: Loll

You: oh and animals

Stranger: Like peppa pig?

You: I was the first one in my friend group to pick up twilight lolololol

Stranger: Lolll

Stranger: I never actually read the books or watched the movies

You: lol

Stranger: Do you recommend them?

You: uh, retrospectively no ^^

Stranger: lolll

You: but I did like paranormal romance as a teen

You: as for animals I read stuff like warriors lol

You: and also redwall actually

Stranger: I remember redwall

Stranger: Pretty dark

You: hm? I thought it was fairly normal lol

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: What about watership down?

You: yup I loved that one

You: well, it's a classic

Stranger: Yeaa

Stranger: I didnt read it, i kinda just assumed you would have

You: I did roleplaying forums when I was in high school lol

Stranger: omg loll

Stranger: Was that your rebellious stage?

You: lol not really

You: I was "writing" so

You: lol

Stranger: Truue lol

You: I did like wolf roleplays lol and stuff

You: I was nearly a furry lol

Stranger: Oh lawd

Stranger: Or actually

Stranger: oWO*

You: lol

You: I had a lot of really good memories from then

You: they're sort of like my defining experience on the Internet I think

Stranger: Thats cool

Stranger: A tight knit community can be nice

You: mhm, and it was actually writing, which was nice too

You: it was fun to sort of put characters and stories together

Stranger: Do you still write?

You: mhm super on and off

Stranger: Can iiiii

Stranger: Read it?

You: nope! XD

Stranger: Ughh

You: lol

Stranger: Worth a shot

You: I did nanowrimo freshman year of uni

Stranger: brah im canadian

You: it's an internet thing!

Stranger: Ohhhh

Stranger: Thats cool af

You: yeah but the thing I wrote was total trash lol

Stranger: Can i read that?

You: lol absolutely not lol

Stranger: But i want to so badd

You: when you rush to write 50k words in a month, that's like 1666 words a day

You: so basically you vomit over the page

You: and like your subconscious shows up on it which can be really bad

You: like it's like bad fanfiction but even worse

Stranger: Damn

Stranger: Exposed your Id for the world to see

You: yeah lol

Stranger: Idk if im mixing up id ego andsuperego

Stranger: I dont remember which is which lol

You: I don't remember the difference between them either

Stranger: Oh well

Stranger: Ugh i want to read it so bad lol

You: Ama: worst trouble you've ever been?

You: *been in

Stranger: I got hit for plagiarism once on a throwaway course

Stranger: I didnt do it thoughh

You: what?

Stranger: Lol it was a roman literature course

Stranger: And i used the wrong translation reference

Stranger: And the prof was a stickler for it

Stranger: I could have fought it but i didnt care enough

You: ohh

Stranger: Whops

You: yeah...

Stranger: Thats not even that bad tbh lol

Stranger: I mean maybe if you're a phd, but i was in business school and it was an elective

You: mhm

Stranger: You?

You: oh which one should I pick lol

You: I'll pick a parents one

You: so in high school, I also drew on deviantart

Stranger: whats that

You: ohh it's like the art website

Stranger: ALSO IM LEARNING TO DRAW

You: deviantart is like one of the biggest art websites, or at least used to be?

Stranger: Waitt

Stranger: Is it that like sex drawing site?

You: mhm no?

Stranger: Lol okk...

Stranger: Go on

You: although I guess people do draw some nsfw things

You: anyway

You: so I had a friend on that site, who had really serious problems

You: he cut and wrote really bloody and graphic pobik

You: poems

You: and we would pm and message each other

You: and my parents found out

You: and then freaked out

You: because they thought I was going to elope

You: to denmark

Stranger: LMAO

You: which is where the guy was

Stranger: Did you?

You: we were like 16

You: lol no

You: and it wasn't romantic

Stranger: darn

Stranger: Still a chance

You: yeah so I got banned from the computer

You: so like overnight I disappeared from the Internet

You: and I got really worried for him because basically I just disappeared one day

You: and like, he's not really stable you know?

Stranger: Mhmm yea

Stranger: Was he ok?

You: mhm like a year or two later he turned out okay

Stranger: Oohhh niceee

You: yeah

You: I only have one sad internet story

You: well with a bad ending

Stranger: Ohhhh

You: but yeah, for some reason I end up finding ppl with problems a lot

Stranger: You found me

You: D:

You: do you have many problems?

Stranger: Loll, i regular amount of problems i think

You: oh okay, I got worried ^^;

Stranger: Lol, i'm good

You: mhm that's good

Stranger: Could use some ice cream

Stranger: Mango

You: what time is it for you?

Stranger: 3am

Stranger: You?

You: same late

Stranger: Your schedule is fucked up too eh

You: mhm

Stranger: Yayy

You: we are doing shifts at my lab right now

You: since we're kind of half capacity

You: and I've been doing a lot of 2-10pm ones

Stranger: Oh truuue

You: the other one is 6am-2pm lol

Stranger: I've just been staying up because i can do contract work whenever lol

Stranger: Oh wowww

You: mhm

You: well it's the easiest way to fit 8-hours twice in a day lol

Stranger: Lol yeahh

Stranger: So what hobbies you have?

Stranger: Do you still draw?

You: uhh they're almost the same as in high school

You: except I'm less active lol

You: and I don't draw

Stranger: Damnn

Stranger: Highschol you was cool af

You: mhm I didn't really share those hobbies in high school lol

Stranger: Probably a good idea at the time lol

You: did you have a bad experience in high school?

Stranger: Longgggg story

You: ohh

Stranger: Ill shorten it i guess lol

You: okay

Stranger: I didnt get to go to the highscool everyone i went to middleschool with went to

Stranger: My parents didnt like that school

Stranger: I went to some catholic school instead and i was pisssseddd

You: ohh

Stranger: So first year i kinda was being a dick

Stranger: After that i kinda coooled off and made friends who i enjoyed hanging out with

You: mhm

Stranger: Wasnt as long as i thought it would be

Stranger: Im just really good at summaries i guess

You: ohh haha, I was expecting more haha

Stranger: sorry

You: mhm it's fine ^^

You: did you stay in touch with your middle school friends?

Stranger: Nooo

You: aww

Stranger: To be honest

Stranger: My parents made the right call

You: mhm how so?

Stranger: That other highschool and my friend circle was not great

You: mhm

Stranger: At the time it was the end of teh world

Stranger: You know, teenager things lol

You: yeah haha

You: did you have siblings?

Stranger: I doo

Stranger: One brother

Stranger: How about you?

You: younger brother!

Stranger: Damn same thing

You: lol

Stranger: Was he a snitch?

You: mhm not really

You: he was adorable actually

Stranger: Thats coool

Stranger: You guys still close?

You: I would say so, kinda

You: I'm not a very lovey-dovey person when it comes to family

Stranger: Mhmm, i get it

You: but yeah, I'm fairly close with my brother, kinda

Stranger: Lol yeah

Stranger: Im also 'kinda' close

You: I guess it's "kinda" for me because we get along really well whenever I'm home

You: but we don't talk a lot when we're apart

Stranger: Lolllll

Stranger: Same

Stranger: WE message eachother on our bdays

Stranger: or if something is up with the parents

You: lol once a year?

You: mhm yeah

Stranger: Yeaaa

Stranger: Hit me with another ama?

You: mhm I didn't prepare one lol

Stranger: Oof

Stranger: Go find a celeb and develop a crush

You: I'm still curious about your ex

You: sorry to dig it up again

Stranger: Its okkk

Stranger: It is what it is

Stranger: I think we just were headed in different directions

Stranger: And the idea of what was held us together

Stranger: When was your last relationship?

You: mhm I need to count lol

You: 5 yeas

Stranger: oh woww

You: is it surprising?

Stranger: Lol idk kinda

You: mhm I kind of had these little fluffy things in between since then but I'm not really counting them

Stranger: Yeaaa

Stranger: I understand

Stranger: Do you date and stuff?

You: mhmm not actively no

Stranger: Truuue

You: how long was your last relationship?

Stranger: 3 years?

You: mhm

Stranger: My longest one

You: mhm it must have been hard

Stranger: It wass, but i knew it had to be done

Stranger: Wasnt fair to either of us

You: mhm

Stranger: Sorry to be such a downer lol

You: no it's fine

You: life has its dark parts and lighter parts

You: I'm very familiar with that

Stranger: Just like cells

You: cells?

You: ohhh

You: those cells lol

Stranger: I'm an amateur cellologist

You: lol

Stranger: My favorite is CD45RA+ AB T cells

You: lol I stuck a bunch of letter together

Stranger: But he's so darn cute

You: mhmm sooo

You: I just realized that the number online right now is way higher than it was this afternoon

Stranger: No idea, i didnt really note it

Stranger: West coast probably hoped on

You: yeah

Stranger: East coast best

You: lol

You: what sites do you frequent aside from omegle?

You: reddit is one...

Stranger: Lol yea

Stranger: Thats the big one

You: mhm what subs?

Stranger: Askhistorians

Stranger: Fitness

Stranger: Books

Stranger: campingandhiking

Stranger: cooking

Stranger: changemy view

Stranger: dataisbeautiful

Stranger: explainlikeim5

You: those are really great subs ^^

Stranger: Lol i just looked down the list

Stranger: On my subscribed

You: was there more or did you stop at E? xD

Stranger: A ton more lol

You: oh lol

You: so many

Stranger: I'll stop though

You: yeah

Stranger: Those are kinda my big ones

Stranger: How about you?

You: mhm I don't use reddit

You: I did briefly in uni

You: actually around the 2016 election I was pretty active haha

Stranger: Ooof

Stranger: You're a big politics buff

You: I was a mod at the NeutralPolitics sub ^^

You: I'm like weirdly proud of that even though it was like only for a month

Stranger: Loll

Stranger: Thats really cool

Stranger: Not as cool as me being a mod of ultimate muscle subreddit

You: whaaat?

Stranger: A niche anime on fox that nobody has watched

You: lol

Stranger: I might make you assistant to the mod if you play your cards right

You: lol

You: mhmm it's getting kind of late I think

Stranger: Yeaaa

Stranger: Any chance you have discord?

Stranger: I had fun talking

You: mhm I do, but I don't share ^^

You: sorry

You: and I had fun talking too

Stranger: Dont worry, i wont out your fanfics

You: lool

You: I have a rules with myself for omegle

You: one of them is that I just don't continue anything offline

You: #pastmistakes

Stranger: Oh nooo

Stranger: What did you do lol

You: lol uhh it's pretty bad lol

Stranger: go onnn

You: umm, it's horrible enough that I probably shouldn't share ^^

Stranger: brahh, i had to talk about my ex

You: mhm but I had some heavy periods in the past

Stranger: dishh

Stranger: Get extra absorbent

You: omggggg rofl

You: basically times that were really emotionally low

You: it's easy to end up with people online for various reasons

You: and not turn out that great

You: I guess is probably the short story ^^

Stranger: You fell for some guy and it got weird?

You: pretty much

You: I actually crush over guys pretty easily online

Stranger: And i'm like super crushable

You: aww

You: but I just think it's better not to

Stranger: Many a maiden had fallen victim to my charm

You: lol

Stranger: I get it, i dont wanna cause you any distress

You: mhm, anyhow, have a wonderful night

Stranger: You tooo

You: goodnight!

Stranger: Gnight

You have disconnected.

#omegle #conversation #music #ama #lent #relationships #dating #hiking #high school #canada #montreal #second generation immigrant #indian #accounting #contract work #phd #abstract #i lied about being single

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