#this is about primeval btw

[sasha-whos-askin-racket]

What's with all the Danny animosity in the tag today, I love that guy, he's so weird and fucked up and I want to put him in a little enclosure and study him under a microscope.

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #357: scathach-skadi (ruler)

today on Grailfinders we’re building the savior of quick once more, Scathach-Skadi (Ruler)! this time around she’s a Swarmkeeper Ranger / Dreams Druid mix, because we need a school of ice-fish and the ability to turn everywhere we go into an impromptu water park.

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: who ya gonna call?

Ancestry & Background

this is normally the part where I point out putting on a bathing suit won’t change your species or past, and that is still true. we’re a Custom Lineage instead of an aasimar this time because you’re being used as the emergency power source for a theme park, not because of the outfit.

that means you get +2 Wisdom to start, as well as Darkvision because gods are rarely stymied by the shade and the Eldritch Adept feature for a free Armor of Shadows. you might not get the whole castle, but the free mage armor is still super useful for fighting in a swimsuit.

and again, swim suits don’t change your past, so you’re still an Acolyte for proficiency in Insight and Religion.

Ability Scores

despite the class change you’ll still mostly be casting, so your Wisdom should be as high as possible. after that is Dexterity to not die in a swimsuit, then Intelligence to remember the end of your timeline. sorry about that btw. your Strength is slightly above average since you do use your spear in this form, but don’t worry, we’ll get a better option later. that means your Constitution is average, and your Charisma is your dump stat. Sieg could tell you being a living battery doesn’t come with a lot of health benefits, and if you weren’t hanging out with people with much higher charisma scores we wouldn’t have gotten into that mess in the first place.

Class Levels

1. Ranger 1: starting as a ranger gets you proficiency in Strength and Dexterity saves, as well as Animal Handling to manage the fish and Perception and Investigation thanks to your time living in a planetary panopticon.

as a first level ranger you can single out a Favored Foe as part of your attack roll, adding 1d4 to your damage against that creature once a turn for up to a minute, proficiency timer per day. you’ll also deal even more damage as you level up.

on a less useful topic, you’re also a Natural Explorer, giving you and your party plenty of travel bonuses while running around in the Arctic. presumably this is that big land ark you handed off to Guda.

2. Ranger 2: at second level you can pick a Fighting Style. There’s not really one we need, but you can see through snow, so Blind Fighting is relevant. You can tell where creatures are within ten feet of you, regardless of how visible they are.

you can also cast Spells now! Absorb Elements is a pretty generic defensive spell to block out elemental damage, and Zephyr Strike is some flashy spearwork- until you end the spell, your movement won’t provoke attacks, but you can end the spell early to deal extra damage on a hit and gain extra speed.

3. Ranger 3: at level three you get Primeval Awareness, letting you spend a spell slot to sense the existence of extraplanar creatures within 6 miles of your park. Given that you are an extraplanar entity, this isn’t actually that useful. you can also use Longstrider so you or a party member can move quicker. eh? ehhh? see what I did there?

you also become a Swarmkeeper this level- that gives you Faerie Fire for more crits for the party, and Mage Hand to make a fish go grab something for you. a fish from your Gathered Swarm of icefish, I mean. once a turn, you can use your fish to mess with someone you hit with an attack, either dealing extra damage, forcibly moving them fifteen feet if they fail a strength save, or moving yourself five feet in any direction, which doesn’t cause an opportunity attack.

4. Ranger 4: one of your skills is ice cream, so that means we gotta get ice cream. specifically, from the Chef feat instead of an Ability Score Improvement, though this does still improve your Wisdom to round it up. you can use cook’s tools now, and on a short rest you can prepare food for some of your party for an extra d8 of HP added to their healing. by either spending an hour or during a long rest, you can whip up your proficiency modifier in long-term ice cream, which lasts 8 hours before melting. anyone who eats that ice cream as a bonus action gains a couple temporary HP. This doesn’t scale that well, but extra HP is extra HP.

5. Druid 1: as a first level druid, you learn Druidic! it’s a language! you can also cast and prepare Spells now! check your PHB to figure out how many of which spell slots you get, but you can use Frostbite and Shape Water for free.

you can swap out druid spells every day so your exact spell list here isn’t nearly as important, but I highly recommend grabbing Ice Knife. it’s one of the very few ice or water-themed spells we can get that has an attack roll attached to it, letting us use it with all your ranger goodies. throw a fish at people.

6. Druid 2: as a second level druid you can use Wild Shapes, but Scathach doesn’t turn into a deer last time I checked, so maybe just use Wild Companion instead for some free casts of Find Familiar for one special fish. maybe it’s the manta ray, maybe it’s maybelline.

you also become a druid of Dreams this level, giving you the Balm of the Summer Court- sunscreen! you get a pool of d6s you can use to heal an ally as a bonus action that recharge each day, and spending a hit die also gives your target one point of temporary HP per die used.

7. Druid 3: at third level, druids get second level spells! Lesser Restoration will help cure sunburns and swimmers ear, while Barkskin lets you grant other servants swimsuits! for up to an hour after casting, a willing creature you touch gets a minimum AC of 16, regardless of their armor.

8. Druid 4: that’s enough caster shenanigans, it’s time to get that spear. first, use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for a higher AC so you don’t die the second you enter melee range, then grab the cantrip Shillelagh to turn a stick into a magical spear. (we technically can’t use regular spears bc druids have something against metal, but this is comparable in terms of damage.) while shille’d, your stick deals 1d8 damage and your attack and damage rolls are based on your Wisdom instead of your strength, massively improving your accuracy and damage.

9. Druid 5: fifth level druids get third level spells! I would avoid grabbing literal fish when you cast Conjure Animals, but it’s a great distraction for any enemy that can’t cast fireball. for the ones that can, you can still throw fish at them as a distraction with Sleet Storm. it doesn’t directly deal damage, but it makes the land slippery and can break concentration for anyone standing inside.

we also get our first taste of your Noble Phantasm thanks to Tidal Wave! any creature within the line of water you conjure that fails a dex save gets knocked prone, and knocked around for some damage.

10. Druid 6: at level six, dream druids can make a Hearth of Moonlight and Shadow that helps creatures rest and relax a bit better while on the road. it’s nowhere near a whole theme park, but you’re still recovering from the last one you ran.

11. Druid 7: with your new fourth level spells you can Conjure Minor Elementals or Summon Elemental, so now you can summon fish actually made of ice, rather than the literal kind that just flop around. you can also get that big sunfish that swallows people with Watery Sphere. smack it into people, then laugh as they struggle to get out. if you think quantity still beats quality, you can always use Ice Storm- it’s sleet storm, but with damage instead of concentration nonsense. well, damage causes concentration checks, so technically it’s both.

12. Druid 8: use this ASI to bump up your Wisdom to its maximum for the strongest spells!

13. Druid 9: ninth level druids get fifth level spells, and now you can slap a ton of people with fish in one go thanks to Cone of Cold, or you can use your NP to make a Maelstrom, creating an area of difficult terrain that’ll deal damage and pull people into the center of it.

14. Ranger 5: fifth level rangers get an Extra Attack each turn, letting you poke two people with a stick if you really wanna. they also get second level spells, so you can use your rune magic to Enhance Ability on one person to make them stronger, smarter, or some third thing, and change their class. their FGO class, not their D&D class- that would be a whole other thing.

you also get Web for free, which I guess is kind of like a discount maelstrom? it doesn’t do damage or pull people around, but it does slow them down.

15. Ranger 6: sixth level rangers get another type of environment added to their Natural Explorer feature, but we don’t really need anything for the build! feel free to use whatever’s handiest for your campaign.

16. Ranger 7: seventh level rangers can put down a Cordon of Arrows, plopping four fish into place around you to automatically attack any enemy that gets too close. you can also arrange your fish into a Writhing Tide, which is both a cool pun and lets you spend a bonus action to ride your fish for a 10’ flying speed for one minute. it’s not a lot, but they’re fish, it’s a miracle they flew in the first place.

17. Ranger 8: at eighth level you finally start recovering from your ordeal, resulting in a boost to your Constitution. you also learn Land’s Stride, so any kind of natural difficult terrain is no problem for you! you can also pretty much ignore damaging or slowing plants now too, which explains the state of the flower garden ngl.

18. Ranger 9: speaking of, at level 9 rangers learn third level spells, like Plant Growth. that spell usually doesn’t result in a man-eating garden, but you never know! you also get Gaseous Form for free but w/e you already have a bad way to fly.

19. Ranger 10: tenth level rangers get another Natural Explorer boost we don’t need, as well as Nature’s Veil. you can spend a bonus action to turn invisible for a round, something something refracting light something ice fish, you get it.

20. Ranger 11: our capstone level turns your fish into a Mighty School, causing them to deal extra damage, knock enemies prone while moving them, and give yourself half cover for a round if you move yourself. you’re still not wearing any armor, so that +2 bonus to AC is pretty sweet.

for even more damage, you can also turn your spear into a ice spear with Elemental Weapon! it’s like magic weapon, but for the elements!

Pros & Cons

Pros:

Druids are always a powerful class, even when you’re actively trying not to interact with their core mechanics. turn into a crocodile or something, it’s fine, there’s nothing saying Skadi can’t do that. also check out the rest of the druid spell list, it’s pretty solid.

this build’s great at improving the party, both directly through spells and by shaping the battlefield to best suit your party’s strengths, dragging all the enemies together for the wizard to fireball, or blocking people from getting past the paladin, etc.

and when that doesn’t work you can always rely on gaming the action economy by summoning a dozen fish to swarm your foes like a bunch of frosty piranha.

Cons:

the druid and ranger features don’t play nice together. favored foe and your swarm both require you to hit things with attack rolls, but your druid spells are mostly saves or making creatures to attack for you. shillelagh thankfully doesn’t use up your concentration, but it does eat into your bonus actions, which ranger is already trying to monopolize. also, both your buffs and your crowds use concentration, so you can’t help someone into a swimsuit and have fish at the same time.

like all water based casters, the game designers kind of screwed you over. your explicitly water-based spells deal physical damage rather than any kind of elemental damage, so we can’t pick up any feats that would really help you hurt stuff more. and god forbid you cast any of these within a country mile of people you don’t want to hurt.

natural explorer is almost completely useless unless you’re playing with a DM who is big on travel difficulties. just grab deft explorer instead when you play, I won’t be offended.

[boydholbrook-fan]

Thank you for the tag, @evenmyhivemindisempty! Btw, I love the “House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals too, so much!

🎶✨ when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool) 🎶✨

“Rock N Roll Soul” - by Screaming Eagles ( thanks to Justified: City Primeval )

“Beat the Devil’s Tattoo” - by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club ( thanks to Far Cry 5 video game )

“Legendary” - by Welshly Arms ( thanks to my mom, as she heard it on the radio and immediately told me about it )

“Legend” - by The Score ( thanks to a random cars video that my brother shared on his instagram )

“Personal Jesus” - by Depeche Mode ( thanks to my dad )

of course, I know this is about to name just 5 songs, there’s sooo many of them that I love to listen to, even over and over again

as well as “Folsom Prison Blues” and “Big River” by Boyd Holbrook, of course! ❤️

but these are the ones that came to my mind at the moment.

no pressure tags: @ilovewhiteroses @toxicanonymity @milla-frenchy @kurjaks @inafieldofdaisies @r3dheadedwitch @pnwdagnabbit @ithinkwehitametaphor @merry-andrews @holbrookswifey @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook

I tagged 11 of my fave followers but whatever 😁

[bimblescribbles]

In the Open Wood

So, I've been thinking about my feature film idea a lot lately, and I felt like doing a much more environmental piece for it would be great at showing off the kind of vibe I want for it; a primeval and pristine nature vibe. Since I've already planned to have a scene of an aurochs hunt in it, I wanted to draw a scene showing off not only the wood-pasture environments I want to portray in the project, but also what an aurochs that's at peace looks like. There's a bull, a cow, and a calf all following alongside each other on their long trek for sustenance. I'm super proud of how I rendered both the background, and featured fauna, and I hope you all enjoy it too! (Btw, an aurochs is the animal we get our domesticated cattle from if you were wondering)

[beepartcollection]

SLAMS MY HANDS DOWN ON THE COUNTERTOP. Engineer elden ring. May I hear of what’s going on with him :)?

*rubs hands* WELL

so to preface- the mercs are basically isekai'd into the lands between, relating to some lore about Marika and undead. One moment they're being shot at and dying in the New Mexico badlands and the next they're on a cliff that overlooks a giant tree the size of 2.5 burj khalifas that glows.

They travel for a while and meet Sellen, who offers to teach them sorceries, and Engie, after not having any mechanical things to tinker with for a while, and realizing magic is this place's math and science, gladly accepts. After all, he doesn't have his sentries and tools, so he might as well learn something new, he loves learning. When Merasmus pops in on Halloween flinging spells around is usually pretty fun, so why not? Also Scout nearly blew himself up when he tried doing magic, so no more for him.

So Engie is the team's other ranged fighter! Aside from Sniper, who uses a bow and arrow.

He usually works as the team's mediator, breaking up fights between them and talking to people who are even less mentally stable than the mercs cause, well, if it had to be a contest on who has people that are less mentally stable, I think Elden Ring would win.

He also teaches the team how to ride the horses they were given!

It. Goes.

He does split from the team sometimes though, to go with Sellen to find Primeval sorcerers and learn some of their magic (he does learn Comet Azur). But generally he sticks with the team. He goes with them through Stormveil, Radahn, Mt Gelmir, Leyendell- some nice spots! I have a scene in mind where they're about to fight Godrick The Grafted, and when they enter his arena, he does his little 'oo lowly tarnished playing as a lord' but Engie just 'actually, we aint lookin to become no lords, we just wanna go home'. And Godrick is like. What.

They also find and heal Millicent in this au! And when they find her Heavy, Engie, and Spy (much to his own chagrin) are like 'i have known Millicent for 1 day but if anything happened to her I would kill this entire team and then myself'. Millicent and Engie bond the best though, cause of being amputees (Godrick ripped off Engie's gunslinger btw to try grafting it into themself, it didn't work and the gunslinger was ruined), Millicent being interested in Engie's homeland of Texas, and Engie in general is just, so dadly, dadliest merc, and very friendly when you dont realize how not normal he is. Plus if you know Millicent's backstory you know she could use a dad right now.

She goes with him and Sellen on their adventures to find primeval sorcerers and Sellen stuff, but they do part when Engie and the team takes on Radahn, citing she has to go on her journey (if u play Elden Ring, u know).

After the first death of the team and Spy leaving, Engie does try to console Soldier, telling him he's a good leader, and they'll get home, he promises. Engie and him do fight though when he realizes what dragon communion is doing to Soldier's body, and says he can't be doing that, they don't know what it'll do to him (how hypocritical of you, Engie).

He goes to Raya Lucaria to help Sellen one last time. I have this comic I made but I don't think I'll finish it, and I don't wanna spoil Engie's fate out in The Public until I write it in the fic i wanna write, but here's a part of comic

Overall Engie has a nice time in elden ring au :3 aside from the end

[wyvernscales]

Rather than make a post for each of my DATV thoughts, I’ve just put them all here. Spoilers for all of act 1:

Not Varric fulfilling the Duncan role this game

Why only Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain tho? Why aren’t they all out

Strife!!! He doesn’t like me :(

FREAK DARKSPAWN ARE BACK BAYBEEE

Would smash the nadas dirthalen

Well D’Meta’s crossing was gross.

Why is there a human mayor of a town in Arlathan and why does he care about Ghilannain?

A Morrigan intro that doesn’t have her saying “well, well”????????

VALTA!HARDING

Bbg I’m so confused by the crossroads I don’t like these mapsssss

TEIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Faceless horde of identical qunari occupying a city? How original.

Caterina’s kind of a gilf ngl

Underwater level uwu

Spite’s kinda…

No! Another gilf down :(

oh? Is the oracle the same thing that valta heard???

Yeah, yeah, dangerous relics or whatever. I’ve got kitties to pet and pottery to eviscerate

LuCANIS! All this talk of coffee kisses in front of your cousin??

Why is the Butcher called the Butcher if he’s the leader of the Antaam?

Why would the qamekmaster call them human traitors if all non-qunari are bas?

You can’t seriously make me believe the Crows are a moral group fighting for justice

Governor Ivenci only referred to with gender neutral pronouns. Another nb win

And Why would the Venatori be knowingly working with elven gods??

MAEVARIS MAEVARIS MAEVARIS

I don’t care how long I have to go running around killing darkspawn to get the chest in the creepy blight tree, I’m GETTING the chest

Worth it.

Idk, I’ve always imagined the Anderfels as snowy not… cactusy

Antoine is perhaps the most French man to exist ever. Not even Orlesian, French.

Hold on, I’ve gotta explode this cactus with my body

Gloom Howler’s kinda hot

Jesus FUCK this blighted dragon

Noticing a suspicious lack of anyone responding to Varric’s existence….

MYRNAAAAAA

TAAAAASH

When Harding talks about the inquisition all I can think about is the inconsistencies? Like, why would she remember Cole if he left or remained a spirit?

EEMMRICHHHHHH

I’ve only known this wisp for one second and if anything bad happens to it I will kill everyone and then myself

Em has canon father energy

LEMME AT THESE fucking CHESTS IN THE NECROTORIUM

MANFREDDSD

Ykw. Vorgoth can get it too

BELOVED Taash feeds the birdies

Karash has non binary swag

Wait wait. If Taash’s mom left the Qun bc she didn’t want her child to be in the Antaam, which would make them functionally a man then why is she ok with Taash being a warrior anyway? Seems odd to do this kinda plot with a group we’ve already established transness with

You can’t seriously think I’m gonna save the capital of the slave empire.

Davrin is dadcore

FORMLESS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

A BELOVED wisp has gifted me a SPOON!

Astrolabe Restored

Well. Goodnight shadow dragons I guess.

candle hops are such cuties

My inquisitior would not behave like this.

So Aveline’s the Viscount and she’s allied with Sebastian, a guy who tried to annex Kirkwall in my worldstate

I kinda wanna play “Inquisitor saves Southern Thedas 2 Electric Boogaloo” if I’m being honest

I already collected all the wolfs regrets before meeting Inky. So. Yeah. That was a lot.

SO FLEMETH IS DEAD FRFR?????

How come the other gods are crazy looking and Mythal is just a normal elf

Oh this echo in the well thing is gonna be cool

Truly don’t know how much of these blight sound effects I can take tbh

ARE WE GOIN TO KAL SHAROK BAYBEE???

The Kal-Sharok armor kinda reminds me of the Sha-Brytol

The Valdasine Thaig is the primeval Thaig in 2 btw

VALTAAAAA

Ugh. I’ve always hated the ‘the old gods are related to the evanuris’ thing (tho I guess it’s not a theory). But we all thought Elgar’nan was Dumat tho right?

And if you can kill the Gods with the lyrium dagger, why didn’t he just do that? Like, we’ve already established that killing them with the dagger just fragments them.

I get that the fate of weisshaupt and all the wardens is important or whatever, but I’ve got chests to open beybee

Yeah bc it’s super easy to just off an Archdemon. what do you mean davrin’s killing it….

Well now killing an archdemon while it’s all tied down’s a bit unfair

Oh.

God that archdemon fight sucked.

[primeval-texture]

So happy about the Primeval Texture FR btw (for obvious reasons)

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

primeval texture my best girl ever (she is an oc i have created myself) (i am also talking about the song) (this is said by someone who is so normal about primeval texture) (that last thing was a lie btw)

[ideas-on-paper]

I've spent so long pondering over what Quarians might look like under their suits (trying to take both pre-established lore and real-life biology into account), and DANG these are some concepts I actually dig.

I've been looking at Quarian helmets for so long trying to determine what their facial shape might look like, and I also came up with the headcanon that Quarian males must've elongated chins. (I could even imagine that a large chin is considered attractive, so perhaps the helmets are designed like that to make their chins appear larger.)

Looking at their helmets from the side, I've actually been wondering if the back of their heads extends a little farther than a human's as well (reference male, reference female). Thus, I sort of came up with the headcanon that the Quarians have what I call the "Akhenaten head shape". If you don't know, Akhenaten was a pharaoh from the Eighteenth Dynasty of Ancient Egypt who is kind of renown for his peculiar body shape; at least in monuments, he's always depicted with what one could call a nutcracker chin, a prolonged head and a long, thin neck. Other members of the royal family are depicted like this as well though (two of Akhenaten's daughters in this case), so it might have been more of an artistic style of the period. For a human, this head shape may be unnatural, but I wonder if it might be actually normal for Quarians.

Given how sinewy the arms and legs of the Geth look, I also surmised that the Quarians must have really muscular limbs. The legs in particular appear to have a lot of muscle mass, so it would be logical to assume Quarians are excellent runners. This would be an ideal adaptation to habitats such as savannas, steppes, and half-deserts where there is little cover and the only way to escape from predators is to run.

Btw, one thing I also noticed is that Quarian feet are kind of similar to an ostrich’s in that they only have two toes. The two toes are actually unique among avians and an adaptation to the ostrich’s exceptionally high running speeds. The horny part of the Quarians' toes/their "toenails" also seem to extend pretty far, if the feet of the Geth are any indication. (One additional fact to note here is that Geth, for whatever reason, have an additional third toe like female Quarians; male Quarians do not have this.)

Wow, I never thought about the flashing of the mouth piece being meant to represent their mouths glowing from the inside! It would make sense though; I could imagine that the glowing eyes/mouth play an important role in communication. That the Quarians designed the Geth's faces as lamps because of this is actually one of my headcanons as well - to them, it would probably be more unusual to look into a face that doesn't glow, and they gave the Geth head lamps for familiarity so they feel more comfortable around them. (I remember someone who designed humanoid androids saying "we designed them in a way so people would be comfortable with letting them into their home", so perhaps the Quarians operated on the same logic.)

However, if you think about it, the glowing parts of the Quarians' faces would be kind of hard to see in broad daylight, especially on a planet with as much sun exposure as Rannoch. Therefore, I've been considering whether Quarians might be nocturnal - or rather, crepuscular. A lot of desert animals are crepuscular as well, which is because deserts are scorching hot at day and freezing cold at night. Rannoch also has longer days than Earth (32.3 Earth hours), so this effect would be even more extreme; thus, it would make sense if Quarians were only active in the morning/evening hours to avoid the most extreme temperatures. In dim light, I imagine their eye shine could be seen from very far away (especially on wide plains), so they may be able to locate and communicate with each other at large distances.

The idea that the Quarians have a third eye is actually super cool! It's actually something that quite a few primeval species have, such as the tuatara. In fact, it was even present in Therapsida, the closest extinct relatives of modern mammals. (This fits in well with my overall concept for the Quarians, which is largely based on "primeval mammals".) However, in those species that have it, this "third eye" doesn't really look like an eye in the sense of the word. It's more like a really small, translucent spot between the eyes, and the visual organ itself is hidden beneath the skin. So, chances are we wouldn't even perceive the third eye of the Quarians as an eye at the first glance. The Protheans, however, might have recognized it as such, making the Quarians look alluring to them. (On the other hand, there are some species, such as the Madagascar swift, that have skin markings surrounding their parietal eye, giving off the illusion of an "actual eye", so it's possible the Quarians might have something similar.)

The Quarians having a third eye might actually solve one of the biggest problems I ran into: We do know that the Quarians have UV vision, but UV light is actually damaging to the retina. That's why the species who can see it (e.g. insects like bees) are usually short-lived, and UV light is largely or completely filtered out of the visual spectrum of most mammals. (One fascinating exception to this are reindeer, which are able to perceive UV light to better make out UV-absorbing surfaces in the snowy, same-colored landscape they live in.) I've been puzzling over how the Quarians might have compensated for this, speculating whether the reason their eyes shine might be because they're biofluorescent, reflecting the most damaging of UV light and converting it to different wavelengths (it's been suggested some shallow water corals do this to protect themselves from UV light). However, in the species that have it, the parietal eye serves not only the purpose of perceiving light and dark, but also UV light. This would literally solve all my problems - to avoid damaging the retina of the “normal” eyes, just have an extra eye for UV vision! ;-)

There are some things that might contradict this, though: In real-life animals, the parietal eye is only present in ectothermic/cold-blooded species. (Basically, the parietal eye regulates the wake/sleep cycle and other biological rhythms as well as hormone production for thermoregulation, which is why warm-blooded species lack it.) I previously played with the idea that Quarians might be mesotherm, or "semi-warm-blooded”. This was because a) I sort of used the Afrotheria (the group of animals that elephants, sea cows, and hyraxes belong to) as an inspiration since they live in warm climates and are noted to have a few primeval characteristics (such as weak thermoregulation), and b) because endothermy/warm-bloodedness itself is suspected to have developed to kill off pathogens, and Rannoch barely has any of those. On the other hand, we know Quarians can get fever, which is a trait exclusive to endothermic species; it's entirely possible the Quarians developed endothermy when pathogens were more abundant on Rannoch though - perhaps a large portion of the planet's microorganisms were later killed off due to rising UV radiation or something.

If the glowing of the Quarians’ eyes/mouths is caused by bioluminescent bacteria, that might provide an explanation for that as well. Aside from microorganisms, bioluminescence is known from marine animals, invertebrates, and fungi, but not from land-based vertebrae, which would kind of make the Quarians outliers. (Small note about bioluminescence vs biofluorescence here: Bioluminescence results from the light that living organisms emit themselves, which can be either produced by the animal itself or by symbiotic bacteria; biofluorescence, on the other hand, is light being reflected from organic surfaces and converted into different wavelengths, which actually happens to be quite wide-spread even among mammals.) However, presuming UV radiation on Rannoch is really high, perhaps microorganisms can only survive by living in the bodies of other organisms - so, maybe the Quarians are in a symbiotic relationship with the type of bacteria that makes their eyes glow.

If the glowing of the eyes and mouth really is meant for communication in low-light conditions, that might already provide an explanation why the visor of their helmet is darkened, because you wouldn't see their glowing eyes very well otherwise. If that was the case though, you'd have to wonder why they illuminate the inside of their own vessels (you'd think that keeping the light low and instead having an option to undim the helmet would cost a lot less electricity).

I did read some interpretations that Quarians already used veils pre-Migrant Fleet and that it's more of a cultural thing. One idea I was toying around with that sort of originated from the Protheans perceiving the Quarians as a "very emotional" people is that they have "facial lines" along/around their mouth, nose, and eyes which reflect UV light differently depending on their mood (due to contraction of blood vessels or something). You could literally "read" their emotions from their face, but there are some social situations where this might be inappropriate/disadvantageous; hence, the veils. (This might be a bit much though if the eyes/mouth already serve that purpose; also, assuming relatives, lovers, and close friends are exempt from that rule, you’d have to wonder why Tali doesn’t undim her helmet if you romance her.)

Another thought I had was that they might be wearing the opaque helmets out of shame; again, this goes very much into my headcanon, but basically, I imagined the Quarians naturally having grayish/dark skin that's similar in structure to elephant skin. From that, I had the idea that Quarians may get the same "depigmentation spots" that elephants have, though for the Quarians it's more of a pathological effect (due to an imbalanced diet and the like; they supposedly had a very symbiotic relationship with their environment, so living outside of it might have quite a few negative side effects). By the time of the Migrant Fleet, their skin would have lost a lot of its coloration, which might be considered unsightly among the Quarians.

Anyway, just a few ideas I’m throwing around. :-)

stray quarian thoughts.

quarians have accents specific to the ship they grew up on.

suit colors can also reflect home ship or current ship assignment.

since their ships have windows sometimes little quarians wave at other ships as they pass by, and it's an extra special treat if someone waves back.

quarian suits reflect their physiology, especially in the face, so yes, quarian men have jawlines that could cut glass.

the quarians built the geth in their image so this can give us clues to how they look!heads shaped similar to the geth, including the rounded neck that slopes into the back of the head. the geth have those ropey arm muscles so i think quarians either have the same muscles and they're highly visible, or they have skin patterns that imitate the muscles. and, most importantly, i think quarians have a center-forehead third eye, which is why the geth have one big light. this is also why the protheans think the quarians are hot (more than two eyes).

quarians glow from the inside (somewhat similar to hanar?) and so the glowing part on their suits' mouthpieces is actually synced with their mouth movements. the third eye either doesn't glow or it does and that's one reason the quarians wear head coverings.

[thehistoriangirl]

So I have a side blog now-- 😳

I really don’t know if I should say it because who cares honestly, buuut well, whatever. In case you stumble upon the Shadow and Bone fandom and see a blog called historianthesecond throwing fics in the dashboard, you can always go and say hi :)

Also I apologize for the unrelated post I will surely mess up while reblogging because I just know it’ll happen

Anyway that’s the announcement, bye <3 *mwah*

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

People who hate Helen Cutter just hate to see a girlboss winning

[donvalleyparkway]

the best fannons are the ones that smooth over disjointed long running series

rework the plot lines to interact with each other, have a theme, explain how a character introduced in season 5 would interact with a character killed off in season 2, fulfill the character arc of the character who was killed off between seasons when their actor unexpectedly didn’t sign back on, actually have the mechanics of the world function consistently throughout the story

[chiliadicorum]

Glorfindel and the Balrog (Again)

Glorfindel was a badass and I need to talk about this AGAIN.

I thought I was done waxing poetic about Glorfindel's fight with the Balrog after the last post. I mean, what else was there to say? Joke's on me. Because I just had an epiphany recently concerning that duel that I realized is so grossly overlooked because, you know, epic battle and badass awesomeness that takes priority over anything mundane (I'm guilty of that. Refer to: said post).

I'm going to dredge up some popular fanon again and declare that it's canon. Let me ask y'all a question:

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT FIRE IS?

Hear me out. Yes, simple question and yeah, everyone knows fire is frickin hot. As I said though, it's a mundane detail and as a result, tends to be overlooked. However, my attention was drawn to it when I recently took part in a brushfire.* Do not confuse this with a typical bonfire. This brushfire was to burn dead brush gathered over the course of several years and can only be burned in the middle of winter. It's way hotter, way bigger with way more fuel burning. I'd seen a brushfire before but I'd forgotten what it felt like.

We all had to stand, at minimum, 20ft away (30ft or more was better). The fire itself was impressive, but the intensity of that heat was insane. We maintained a safe distance, but our faces still turned pink from the heat. My actual eyeballs began to burn and I had to either back up further or turn away completely. The heat converted the 1°F air (-17°C) into something comfortable to breathe even that far away. But I have to emphasize that, no matter where you walked, you could not get safely within 20ft of this fire without proper apparatus. It was too hot for your face and eyes to tolerate.

Guys, that Balrog was a beast of living fire and Glorfindel grappled with it. I mean, he was already in proximity close enough to engage in that combat. Let's recap: struck the Balrog's head (impressive btw, considering Balrogs are twice an Elf's height), hewed off its whip-arm, and drove his sword through the Balrog's shoulder, not to mention all the other blows he landed in the combat:

"The ardour of Glorfindel drave that Balrog from point to point, and his mail fended him from its whip and claw.” 

But remember, when he struck the shoulder and the sword caught, the full-on brawling on the mountain pinnacle began:

“Then sprang the Balrog in the torment of his pain and fear full at Glorfindel, who stabbed like a dart of a snake; but he found only a shoulder, and was grappled, and they swayed to a fall upon the crag-top.”

....This is actually blowing my mind a bit. How has this not clicked before? Because this speaks volumes to Glorfindel's determination to see the demon killed, to save his people. Glorfindel wasn't a safe distance away shooting arrows or hurling spears. He wasn't 20ft away. He was fighting with a sword. And he was literally embracing that creature of living flame in a fight to the death. We don't know the literal degree of how hot the Balrogs burned, but by intuition alone, I think we can deduce that they were a lot bigger and hotter than some mere brushfire. Let's recall some details from the book in The Bridge of Khazad-dûm:

"The flame roared up to greet [the Balrog], and wreathed about it; and a black smoke swirled in the air. Its streaming mane kindled, and blazed behind it. [...] The dark figure streaming with fire raced towards them. [...] Fire came from its nostrils."

From The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, #144:

"The Balrogs, of whom the whips were the chief weapons, were primeval spirits of destroying fire [...]"

Balrogs were their own self-regulating and self-sustaining inferno, with "hearts of fire". Peter Jackson may have exaggerated the height of the Balrog in the movie, but he nailed the physiology, imo. Balrogs never laughed, never spoke, but they could control the amount of fire and darkness/shadow they emitted.

Getting back to that fanon I mentioned, it's a popular idea that Glorfindel sustained burns or caught fire in this fight, something like that. It's a notion regularly used in fanfic for years but always something relegated to the fanon category, an "unconfirmed" theory. I've enjoyed those fics, still do, but there's always been the back-and-forth about how accurate it is, if at all. I was on that fence too because Tolkien never explicitly stated it happened.

But guys, it's canon. Glorfindel got burned in that fight. Even if he never came in contact with its living flame (he did), even if he never brawled with the Balrog (he did), the heat alone would've burned him from the proximity of fighting with a sword. That's the whole point of this post.

This is the one time I'm not giddy about declaring a fanon is canon. It's so awful. Of course, it's left to the individual imagination as to the severity of his burns and where they occurred. Elves are not humans and I submit to the idea that there can be a difference in tolerance with such elements (such is the case with cold temperatures), but Tolkien still made it clear they're not immune to fire. I recall wondering if Glorfindel ever got burned, but it was such a passing thought I think because I put too much focus on this text:

"The ardour of Glorfindel drave that Balrog from point to point, and his mail fended him from its whip and claw.” 

Tolkien made it clear that Glorfindel obtained no fatal/serious injuries in that fight, which is significant and should be recognized precisely because it's a testament to Glorfindel's insane skill and speed. But Tolkien says it, or rather omits it, right there: "his mail fended him from its whip and claw". Tolkien doesn't mention the fire. He's talking about the attacks the Balrog is trying to strike Glorfindel with and failing abominably. It's so easy to ignore a mundane factor like temperature when there's so much epic action to fixate on.

Because before Glorfindel even began grappling with the Balrog and came in contact with its fire, he was getting burned.

And it never slowed him down.

Have you ever been even minorly burned by fire before, like a candle flame or heat from a stove? I have and it's the mildest as far as burns go but IT HURTS. It gets your attention like nothing else and makes you yank back on pure instinct. Yet Glorfindel never yanked back. He wasn't fighting any candle flame, yet he never faltered or stepped back at the searing touch of that heat. Let alone the actual fire later.

Glorfindel was plainly hell-bent on saving his people from this threat. No one can argue that, particularly when he was the one to pursue the Balrog. But this new aspect just further drives home that single-mindedness of that determination. That desperation. That's a better word. For as calm and in control of that fight as he was, despite being seared by that heat which would cause a normal person to falter, he never once retreated even for a moment to regain ground (he had room) or wait for aid (Elves were rushing to help him, Tolkien said) or reassess (he had time - that Balrog was terrified of him at that point and was actively trying to run away from him). My conclusion? Glorfindel was desperate to kill it. Frantic in that calm, disciplined way that's terrifying. Grief from Gondolin's destruction, grief from the massacre of his people, anger and uncertainty at their dire state, and now this demon was coming to finish off what remnant was left?

No. Soon as Glorfindel "leapt forward upon him" there was only one objective in his mind, one end: that Balrog was going to die now. And nothing would stop him or slow him down until it did.

*descriptions of the battle on Cristhorn from “The Fall of Gondolin” HoME II.194-5 *(disclaimer to ward off comments: this fire was in the middle of a field of snow, was law-abiding, was city-approved, etc. It was a controlled burn so no worries)

[adaisychain4azathoth]

daisylog v: writer’s block and horrific fervor

tfw i realize my satanic gnostic khaosophy tulpa religion is a coping mechanism for my less than good life

soo hey it’s been a while! i’ve been busy not trying to fall apart completely while attempting to find a flow to my existence. believe you me, it’s harder than it looks. there isn’t much news i can bring forth aside from the fact that i have tremendous writer’s block. VOIDMAW entries have been limited to spiritual lapses of clarity and horrific bouts of fervor. nothing much. i also started working on two documents, each treatises containing mythic and meta information on two specific Princes, the two that have kept my attention the longest: EIVAAK and KERDEPHEXIS (my beloved). like i began saying though, writer’s block got the best of me and KERDEPHEXIS can only inspire me for so long, Satan love him.

as for the other two from the Severance Working, XIRLATH had been entrusted a new purpose and focus just kinda shifted away from him, as well as KEZALSHATAAR because to be honest KEZALSHATAAR does nothing but activate the fear and paranoia in my brain. besides, i’ve been made aware of their child-sibling HIRASMIS who’s basically the Hatman but more fucked up. one day my focus will shift toward him, though to be honest the less i know about him the better. i have really bad visual snow and the idea of interacting with that concept on a metaphysical and individually abstract level scares the shit out of me. which is ironic, considering his parent-sibling KEZALSHATAAR is the personification of darkness and fear.

aside from all that noise, i’ve been reading multiple books at once! specifically, Primeval Evil in Kabbalah by Moshe Idel and The Recognition Sutras by Christopher Wallis. i’m goin places baybee

HAPPY SPOOKY SEASON BTW! MAY YOU ALL LIVE YOUR CRAZIEST NIGHTMARES AND MAKE MANIFEST YOUR DEMONS INTO FLESH!

[aretarers]

76, 75, 51 :), 26, 23 (me when i read lists from bottom to top)

i love that you read them from bottom to top let me do that too

76. a pokemon that you feel is underrated araquanid is cool as hell and STRONG !!! i like araquanid a lot i think it deserves to be talked about more

75. a pokemon that you feel is overrated i wont lie. im bad at this question cause i feel like all the most popular pokemon are overrated but like. i feel like everyone feels that way tbh. i feel like it's more like "overrated by gamefreak" LOL

51. favorite bug type STARES at you. do you know how ahrd this is for me. like OK the #1 is scizor but then theres also caterpie and butterfree... volcarona!! galvantula!!! yanma and yanmega... the venipede and sewaddle lines... wurmple... ledyba... AUUUGHHHHHH

26. least favorite design of a pokemon EISCUE I HATE THAT MOTHER FUCKER SO BAD

23. favorite music track from a pokemon game ehehe

unova route 10

kalos route 15

village bridge. oo ee aa...

Omg wait i put road to primeval forest in one of these but i should do some more spinoff tracks cause the spinoff game osts FUCK so hard so often

main street colosseum

waterfall colosseum

dark rust theme and battle (this is so funny to me btw. they go so hard . but the antagonist is like. Literally a Key)

[tigerkirby215]

5e Hank J. Wimbleton, the Protagonist build (Madness Combat)

(Artwork by AndrewKO on Newgrounds.)

Friday Night Funkin’ Tricky Mod reminded me of the Madness Combat series... man it’s a trip in the best possible way. I honestly miss the old days on Newgrounds where stuff like Madness Combat could get extremely popular just off fan reception alone.

Anyways I think the fantasy of playing a bloodthirsty expert killer is something that most people can identify with in D&D, and Hank is certainly a badass in his own right. So while this was mostly a spur-of-the-moment sort of build here’s Hank J. Wimbleton with as many of his abilities I could reasonably put into a build at once, from Madness Combat 1 all the way to Madness Combat 11: Expurgation.

Also I finally get to use artwork from a website other than DeviantArt which is pretty awesome.

GOALS

Avenger - Hank shoots guns good and Madness is a series of guns first and foremost.

Aggregation - Hank is also more than capable in melee combat, being able to use all sorts of weapons including his fists!

Redeemer - Spoilers for Madness Combat 9 I guess.

RACE

The characters in Madness don’t really look like anything in reality, but it’s fairly safe to say that they are meant to be some sort of human. So we’re going to be going for Variant Human: yup not even an Eberron race since we do need everything that Variant Human provides. Increase your Constitution and Dexterity both by 1 and grab Acrobatics proficiency to dodge incoming knife swings and gunfire. And as per standard take whatever language suits your campaign.

Now you’re probably expecting Crossbow Expert as our level 1 feat, right? Or perhaps even Gunner? That’s where you’re wrong! Hank throws punches far earlier than he starts using guns, and he also uses a lot or improvised weapons throughout the mainline Madness Combat series. So grab Tavern Brawler for a +1 to Strength, a d4 unarmed strike (it’s not earth-shattering but it gets the job done), and proficiency with improvised weapons. And the grappling part which honestly doesn’t impact us much, but it’s nice to grab a human shield.

ON THE GUNNER FEAT: Going to make a quick mention now that this build is made under the assumption that your DM will not allow firearms in their campaign, and as a result we will be reflavoring crossbows as firearms. In short we’re not taking the Gunner feat, but if your DM allows it go ahead and take it.

Honestly if your DM allows firearms it would probably be a good idea to play whatever firearm-based class they added to play as Hank, instead of the build I made here. This build however is meant for the average D&D campaign.

ABILITY SCORES

Hank is MAD, rather fittingly. So MAD in fact that I can’t contain the madness within Standard Array. So rejoice we’re actually going to be using Point Buy!

STRENGTH; 9 - The vast majority of Hank’s weapons are either firearms or weapons that I would constitute as finesse based. With the +1 from Tavern Brawler this is still enough for your punches and improvised Strength weapons to pack a punch at least.

DEXTERITY; 15 - As mentioned above we will primarily be using firearms (crossbows) and finesse weapons.

CONSTITUTION; 11 - Mostly to round out the build, which along with the +1 from our race gives us a bit of bulk which will help with all the killing.

INTELLIGENCE; 14 - There’s many ways I can justify this but the easiest way is to say “it’s a multiclassing requirement.”

WISDOM; 14 - Wisdom is tied to perception as well as survival instinct, and is a multiclassing requirement.

CHARISMA; 8 - Hank is of the quiet sort and doesn’t talk much between all the killing. Yes he can intimidate info out of people but you try keeping your cool with a gun pointed to your head.

BACKGROUND

There was a man who sought the sheriff, and to slay the sheriff you’re automatically made a Criminal. I am however going to suggest swapping your skills out for Intimidation and Slight of Hand (IE Gun Tricks.) Feel free to take whatever Gaming Set you want, but thankfully as a Criminal you can choose Land Vehicles as your tool proficiency, because Hank does run over some guys in part 4!

Criminal Contact will let you get in contact with Sanford and Deimos in case you... you know, die? You can always get your message across when needed: D&D doesn’t have computers but you can still find some shady merchants or corrupt guards to get into contact with your crew.

(Artwork by redemer19 on Newgrounds.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ARTIFICER 1

Starting off as an Artificer because CON saving throw proficiency is nice. So is proficiency in Investigation, Perception, and a tool of your choice.

Tinkerer’s Tools technically counts as gunsmith tools if we go with Matt Mercer’s homebrew, but you already get those for free (along with Thieves’ Tools) as an Artificer. I personally opted for Smith’s Tools as the next best option which will also double for taking care of swords and knives.

You can also get a Boombox to dance to thanks to Magical Tinkering. You can infuse magic into a Tiny object to give it a variety of effects: make it glow, have it display a message, or most importantly have it play the Chicken Dance song. You can have a number of these equal to your Intelligence modifier, which is to say not many.

You do also get Spellcasting: You get two cantrips from the Artificer list: Mage Hand will let you grab a weapon for yourself that’s out of reach, and Acid Splash will serve as a starter shotgun for some buckshot against multiple enemies. As for your leveled spells you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Intelligence modifier plus half your Artificer level, which is to say... not many. Feather Fall can be useful when up in high places, and Detect Magic is universally useful for finding any anomalies created by the Improbability Drive.

LEVEL 2 - ARTIFICER 2

The main reason we went for Artificer first is Infusions, gear you can bring at the start of the fight for an upper hand. Of course the main weapon we’ll be grabbing is the Repeating Shot Weapon which will be how you make basically all your guns. Not having to reload is nice and not having to worry about ammo is better!

ON YOUR WEAPONS: For now the only weapon you can reasonably use is a Light Crossbow, however soon you’ll be able to put Repeating Shot on either a Heavy Crossbow (rifle) or Hand Crossbow (pistol) depending on your preference.

Other than that you can borrow from Sanford’s book and make a Returning Weapon to throw a hook and pull it back, create Sending Stones to keep in touch with your crew, and have a Rope of Climbing to sneak into the sheriff’s office. Or you can choose your own tools for the job as I am merely suggesting what makes the most sense for Hank, but the Repeating Shot Weapon is the only one you truly need.

You can also prepare another spell like Identify, to know what weapon you’re picking up.

LEVEL 3 - RANGER 1

This is a bit out of left field isn’t it? Well Ranger gives a number of things, the first of which being Stealth proficiency for your initial entrance. You also get Deft Explorer (instead of Natural Explorer) for Canny, giving you two languages (pick your poison) and Expertise in one skill of your choice (go for Acrobatics to evade attacks and stay alive.)

You also get Favored Foe (instead of Favored Enemy), letting you concentrate on an enemy’s weak points to kill them quickly. When you hit an enemy you can choose to mark them so they take an extra d4 of damage once per turn from your attacks. You do have to concentrate on this effect (like a spell) but aiming for the head is a good way to end someone quickly.

LEVEL 4 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get to choose their Fighting Style and you’re probably expecting me to tell you to take Archery, right? Well even if you’re mostly going to be using guns you do have proficiency with melee weapons too, and since our Strength is kinda bad I’d suggest taking Druidic Warrior for some simple boosts to your combat proficiency.

Shillelagh will be a good place to start by letting you swing a blunt object with your Wisdom instead of your Strength. The main weapons Hank uses in the Madness series other than shortswords is clubs, bats, and pipes which I’d all consider as viable targets for Shillelagh if your DM’s cool.

Mending will be useful to keep your outfit in check after taking a bad hit.

Feel free to take Archery if you want as it’s likely more useful for this build. Again I am opting for what’s the most accurate for Hank, not for what’s the most optimal to build.

But if you want to keep yourself in check after taking a bad hit you can grab some Ranger Spellcasting. Cure Wounds will let you bandage yourself (or an ally) up in the thick of a fight, and Zephyr Strike will let you rush in while avoiding danger to deliver a deadly strike on a key foe.

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 3

There’s quite a few reasons we didn’t go for Rogue levels in this build (spoilers btw): Hank does most of his fighting solo, doesn’t really opt for stealth except for at the start of missions, and because the Gloom Stalker is far better for how Hank operates. For a start you get Umbral Sight for 60 feet of Darkvision with your dumb human eyes, but you can also hide in the dark so well that even creatures with darkvision can’t see you! Which is good because Dread Ambusher gives you a bonus to initiative rolls equal to your Wisdom modifier along, but more importantly lets you move 10 feet faster on the first round of combat. And you can also attack one extra time on the first round of combat, and if you hit with that extra attack you’ll deal an extra d8 damage to down a foe quick and give yourself more options.

You can learn a new spell at this level like Hail of Thorns for some buckshot, and you also get Gloom Stalker Magic, adding Disguise Self to your spell list so you can look like a regular dude who isn’t covered with bandages. You also get Primal Awareness, because even if Speak With Animals makes no sense for Hank it’s still better than Primeval Awareness.

(Artwork by LegendaryPanettone on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: Dexterity controls everything we do currently so increase that by 2 for better AC, shooting, sword-swinging, and DEX saves.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 5

5th level Rangers get an Extra Attack, allowing them to shoot twice and even allowing you specifically to shoot 3 times on your first turn!

You can also learn second level Ranger spells now: Primal Awareness gives you Beast Sense and Gloom Stalker Magic gives you Rope Trick for a place to hide and ambush from. And Enhance Ability (ty Tasha’s) will let you push yourself when violence is needed.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers see Favored Foe turn into a d6 to be somewhat on-par with Hunter’s Mark. You also get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 extra feet of movement, as well as a swimming and climbing speed.

But now that you’ve gotten all your killing done it’s time to die. Because you do not kill clown; clown kills you!

(Artwork by Jinxsaw on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 9 - ARTIFICER 3

You can’t kill the protagonist! We’re at 9th level which translates perfectly to Madness Combat 9, which means you can be revived as an Armorer Artificer! Your consciousness will be placed inside of a suit of Arcane Armor, replacing any missing limbs you may have and genuinely account for all your injuries. The armor also doesn’t have a Strength requirement and can be used as a focus for your Artificer spells.

There’s two different Armor Models to choose from but for now I’d suggest keeping to guns and going for the Infiltrator model (mostly because your Intelligence is bad so it would be better to opt for Dexterity to fire your guns.) The Lightning Launcher is like a handgun except it has very good range (90/300) and does Lightning Damage, and even lets you do an extra d6 damage once per turn! You also get Powered Steps for an extra 5 feet of movement speed (adding up to 40 total thanks to Ranger!) and a Dampening Field will give you Advantage on Stealth due to your black outfit.

You also get some Armorer Spells: Magic Missile for some unavoidable gunfire and Thunderwave to give yourself some space. You can also choose a different set of Artisan’s Tools from Tools of the Trade since you likely already have Smith’s Tools proficiency. You can pick whatever you think will be useful, but it’s worth mentioning that you can make a tool with 1 hour of work thanks to The Right Tool for the Job. And no Hank; weapons are not tools. At least not by this definition.

LEVEL 10 - ARTIFICER 4

4th level Artificers get an Ability Score Improvement. Wouldn’t it make sense to increase your Intelligence as an Artificer now that you can use your Armorer weapons with INT? Yes. Anyways increase your Dexterity by 2.

WOULD IT HAVE MADE MORE SENSE TO MAX OUT INTELLIGENCE FOR THIS BUILD? Yes. Now that you have Armorer levels you’re basically never going to be using crossbows again realistically. Oops. Having good INT instead of good DEX would mean that you could start using the Guardian armor to punch some stuff, and 14 in DEX would still allow you to wear Medium armor. You could’ve easily taken 3 (or more realistically 5) levels in Artificer at the start of this build and then gone for Ranger to not have to deal with bad ranged weapons while having good stats for an Artificer.

There’s still strengths to having high DEX obviously (good initiative, good Stealth and Acrobatics checks, good DEX saves, and you get Mirror Image as an Armorer Artificer) but it’s really not that important for this build. But I’m still maxing it out first as it’s accurate to Hank. In the average D&D campaign you’re not going to be picking up weapons from enemies you kill to use them when you run out of ammo. There’s many things I took in this build that are impractical for anything other than a combat heavily inspired by Madness Combat.

Basically feel free to min-max this build if you so desire; it’s quite viable in its own right when you do so. Again I’m trying for accuracy over viability. Also P.S. After this build comes out I’m going to release a “pre-MC9″ Hank build if you want more of the traditional Hank who isn’t in power armor.

You can also prepare another spell at this level but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 11 - ARTIFICER 5

5th level Artificers get an Extra Attack... which you already have. Oops.

Well at least you get access to second level spells! As an Armorer you get Mirror Image to dodge gunfire, and Shatter! For a grenade! But to continue dodging attacks Blur works well as long as the enemy doesn’t have Truesight, which the AAHW may have by total level 11.

LEVEL 12 - ARTIFICER 6

6th level Artificers can prepare more Infusions! A Spell-Refueling Ring will let you restock on spell slot bullets mid-fight, and Boots of the Winding Path will let you jump back after getting into melee combat.

You also get Tool Expertise which is exactly what it says on the tin. You double your proficiency bonus when making checks with tools.

To top it off you can prepare another spell like Catapult. Why are we preparing a first level spell? Because Hank throws big rocks at Tricky in Madness 11. Told you I did research.

(Artwork by ramblinshroom on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 13 - ARTIFICER 7

7th level Artificers get to feel the pain of my choice to max out Dexterity instead of Intelligence as Flash of Genius scales heavily off Intelligence. When you or an ally within 30 feet makes an ability check or a saving throw you can use your reaction to add your Intelligence modifier to the roll. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 14 - ARTIFICER 8

8th level Artificers get another Ability Score Improvement and now that your Dexterity is maxed out... more Wisdom lol? Look we’ll deal with your Intelligence in a bit but Wisdom gives you better initiative among other things.

You can also prepare another spell but next level will get us third level spells, so...

LEVEL 15 - ARTIFICER 9

9th level Artificers can get used to their new revived bodies thanks to Armor Modifications. The chest, boots, helmet, and weapons of your armor all count as individual items for the sake of infusions, and you can have two more infusions active! (As long as they’re on your armor anyways.)

You also get Hypnotic Pattern and Lightning Bolt as an Armorer, for a flashbang and some purgatory powers. And you can prepare a spell like Haste, to move so fast it’s like the world is in slow motion.

LEVEL 16 - ARTIFICER 10

So you know how we just got two more infusions for your armor? Well 10th level Artificers can make Gauntlets of Ogre Power and a Headband of Intellect to finally get your Strength and Intelligence to a reasonable level. Again probably a bit late to do so but it does mean that you can finally use melee weapons well, or your Guardian Armor to do some punching! (I’m not going to cover the Guardian Armor now but know that you can punch people and give them disadvantage to hit your allies, and also give yourself Temporary hitpoints.)

And the best part is that you can still keep attuned to other useful items as  Magic Item Adept gives you one more attunement slot, meaning that you can be attuned to 4 items total!

And to top it off more Intelligence means more spells and holy shit another cantrip! For your cantrip you can finally take Message to keep in contact with your party, and for your leveled spells...

People die a lot in Nevada: Revivify can help if one of those people are a friend.

See Invisibility will help you avoid ambushes.

Lesser Restoration can help you in a pinch if you’re pinned down.

But again I seriously can not stress enough that you are more than welcome to pick spells that you feel are stronger, as I am merely picking spells for a simple guy who really likes killing.

(Artwork by marcipancakes on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 7

Very quickly going back to Ranger to grab the last few abilities we missed: 7th level Gloom Stalkers have an Iron Mind for proficiency with Wisdom saves. Yup that’s it. Well at least you can add () to your Ranger spell list.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 8

8th level Rangers get Land Stride to not be slowed down by the difficult terrain during Expurgation, and even giving yourself advantage against magical terrain made to harm you in purgatory.

But more importantly you get an Ability Score Improvement to pump your Wisdom up a little more. But really I only waited this long to get Ranger 8 to talk about Martial Versatility from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything: talk to your DM about it but I’d actually suggest grabbing Archery proper now instead of Druidic Warrior because you’ve got the Strength to use weapons.

Oh yeah you could also totally like... use the Guardian armor and carry a repeating crossbow for ranged combat.

LEVEL 19 - ARTIFICER 11

11th level Artificers can bring out the heavy artillery with a Spell-Storing Item. You can store a first or second level spell from the Artificer spell list in one  simple or martial weapon (or a spellcasting focus) that requires 1 action to cast.

While holding the object, a creature can take an action to produce the spell’s effect from it, using your spellcasting ability modifier. If the spell requires concentration, the creature must concentrate. The spell stays in the object until it’s been used a number of times equal to twice your Intelligence modifier (minimum of twice) or until you use this feature again to store a spell in an object.

There are plenty of good spells you can choose from but I’m going to just say this: put Shatter in the item. There are perhaps more useful choices, but isn’t a grenade belt the embodiment of Madness?

LEVEL 20 - ARTIFICER 12

12th level Artificers get our last Ability Score Improvement which means hey: maxed out Wisdom! Yes there are perhaps feats you could get (some ideas I’d suggest would be either the Dual Wielder feat [carry a Repeating Hand Crossbow in one hand and your magical fist in the other] or the Sharpshooter feat) but I simply opted for maxing out stats.

And you can prepare one more spell like... I don’t know? Blink for more dodging?

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Abrogation - I came into this build with the intent of making you capable with all weapons regardless of type and well... I certainly accomplished that. You have good Dexterity for any finesse and ranged weapons and your Strength is strong enough to swing a bat around.

Antipathy - You are also damn capable in combat with an insane opening turn and very good DPS regardless of if you choose to fight with fists or guns, not to mention a good supply of spells and class abilities to truly slaughter your foes.

Apotheosis - It wasn’t my intent but... 20 in two stats and 19 in two others? Excluding your Charisma and Constitution you’re a superhuman of a man.

CONS

Depredation - You have to be level 16 to finally get a decent Strength and Intelligence score, and while low STR doesn’t matter much low INT really hurts as an Artificer.

Consternation - “High stats except Constitution” is a problem. Honestly going 15 in Artificer and 5 in Ranger would’ve gotten you level 15 infusions for a Hill Giant’s Belt for 21 STR and an Amulet of Health for 19 CON.

Inundation - There’s a lot of little tweaks worth changing in this build, notably the focus on Dexterity versus Intelligence. Realistically having 20 INT and 14 DEX is more useful for you as an Artificer than having 19 INT and 20 DEX. 

But who cares if it’s messy; as long as it’s effective. Killing everyone somewhere in Nevada will give you plenty of experience to reach your maximum Madness level. You are the Protagonist and they are the Victims... but don’t go into any D&D campaigns with that mentality, or else you may be the Clown.

(Artwork by Teknodice on Newgrounds.)