#this is a very oddly specific ask anon is there any reason you ask

[nureyevs-worst-alias]

are you. are you arthur-lesters-right-arm

Before I answer that I'd like to plead the fifth and I'd also like you to know that I have plausible deniability and a deadly firearm

[gay-dorito-dust]

Batboys and reader doing the hear me out cake trend and reader pulls out a picture of Bruce when he was in his prime.

Apologies anon but this trend…Do not get me started on how misconstrued the phrase ‘hear me out’ is. I’ll rant about how a lot of ppl should look up the definition first. I’m very passionate about how butchered the trend is that every time I see one I can’t help but think ‘not a hear me out, try again or don’t to save my small remnants of sanity.’ I hate it so much.

Dick

Pouts.

‘My dad? Really?’ He’d ask you.

‘Yeah, what can I say he was a total hunk.’ You shrugged.

‘Was?!’ Dick replied, looking at you as though you had grown a second head. ‘What is he now then chopped liver? Do you not like older men?! Do they loose their charm the moment they have a few grey hairs and lines on their face?!’ He exclaims.

This wasn’t what you were expecting when doing this challenge because now you were being grilled by dick on whether you’ll still feel attractive to him when he himself gets old and grey.

‘I don’t have anything against older men dick, I just find your dad hot in this specific picture.’ You defended yourself and dick only puts his hands on your shoulders and gives them a firm squeeze as he presses his forehead against yours.

‘Sweetheart I don’t think you understand because what do you mean you find him hotter in the picture?! It’s Bruce the man is just naturally photogenic!’ Dick tells you. ‘You could’ve chosen a recent picture of Bruce and say the exact same thing.’

‘Eh, it’s not the same thing.’ You say and dick felt as though he might as well rip his hair from his head because what do you mean it’s not the same thing?! He was now more certain that you didn’t like older men if Bruce was only appealing to you in his youth, his supposed prime.

Needless to say the conversation diverted from the fact that you found his dad hot, to one where dick was trying to prove to himself that you just didn’t like older men/ silver foxes for whatever absurd reason.

Jason

He’s oddly silent.

You feared you did something the moment you pulled the picture of young Bruce Wayne out to put on the cake.

The wait was over the moment he did decide to say something but it was nothing like you’d expect to come out of his mouth;

‘Out of all the pictures there are of Bruce, that’s the one you picked? Nothing about that picture is flattering to him in any way whatsoever.’

‘Oh you’re just jealous.’ You’d tell him and Jason only raises his brow at you.

‘Jealous, babe have you seen me? What’s there to be jealous of that old bat.’ Jason replies as he gestures towards himself before pinching your cheeks. ‘I just think it’s adorable how you consider Bruce in his prime as a hear me out, it’s laughable really but you do you chipmunk.’ He adds.

However when you weren’t looking, he’d take the picture of Bruce from the cake and throw it over his shoulder, for there was no way in hell he was going to have a picture of Bruce on a cake. No sir, Jason would much rather die again than allow his own father to overstay his welcome on the damn cake.

He’d even act innocent when you would ask where the picture went as though he didn’t set it on fire with a lighter after plucking it off the cake. ‘It must’ve grew legs and walked off.’ He’d shrug but it wasn’t hard to know the truth.

His dad can fuck off away from the cake and you.

Damian

Another one who’s not so amused by the fact that you added his father on a ‘hear me out’ cake.

He doesn’t partake in such stupid trends that’ll sooner or later long forgotten by the public consciousness in favour of a new trend that’ll run itself to the ground just as quickly as the last. He questions the publics attention span if it was this short and unreliable, he really does and fears that the age of stupidity has begun with people who think a conventional attractive man with a Roman nose or any other unique feature is a ‘hear me out.’

As if they were any less attractive than a man with a plain featured, and rather unappealing and basic appearance. They’re weren’t, if anything people with romantic noses or any other unique features were just as attractive as the plained featured ones, and Damian found it rather ridiculous that is what is being considered a secrete that many think they’ll be judged for finding appealing.

‘My father? Really?’ He’d say as he looked between you and the picture of his father.

‘Yeah.’ You shrugged.

Damian only sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. ‘A conventionally attractive man is you hear me out?’

‘Not just any conventionally attractive man-‘ you tried to explain but Damian didn’t allow you the space to do so.

‘My father in his prime doesn’t count, you should really do better research before putting random people on a cake, or better yet don’t partake in a challenge you don’t understand.’ Was all Damian said before he leaves the room, he’s not impressed and feared that there was too many people who for some stupid reason also though his father in his prime is a ‘hear me out.’

It freaks him out and disappoints him greatly of what the future of Gotham and humanity as a whole would look like if these people were to be at the helm.

Tim

Not amused.

He’s sick and tired of people putting conventional attractive people and anthropomorphic animals who are drawn in a specific way to elicit such emotions out of people.

So to see that you had put his father, more specifically Bruce in his first steps as the dark knight, he couldn’t help but look at you disappointedly.

One, you obviously didn’t understand the concept of a hear me out and Tim is more then ready to educate you on what one is with his long ass PowerPoint presentation. And two, really? His dad? What was wrong with his dad in his current old age? Did you have something against older men?

Wait- why was he so suddenly concerned whether or not you find his father less appealing now than how he looked in his prime? He should be more focused on the fact that you found such pristine picture of Bruce during that time, he’s tried multiple times but the resolution was god awful and didn’t do anything to flatter Bruce.

You’re still getting lectured on what a proper hear me out is though. Tim’s got fucking tons.

[heliads]

(Toms Peter x male reader) AGAIN OBLIVIOUS SMART READER, but this time with a little angst twist 😍…I hope— Onto the actual request. Peter making obvious efforts even flirting and taking the reader on a date once, peter thinking theirs something going on and calls the reader his boyfriend to which the reader asks shocked and surprise and Peter being embarrassed walks out (not sure which location you can fill this in) and a saddened and hurt Peter blows up on reader asking what is their relationship and if he’s just been leading him on which quickly calms down cause of everyone looking at them, and Peter just walks away and reader explains everything ( sorry this long ily)

a little angst twist? oh ho ho anon say no more (and never apologize for long requests i adore details)

masterlist

Peter Parker is oddly happy, and it’s really starting to freak you out. Usually, Peter showing some semblance of a positive emotion wouldn’t be that much of a surprise; you’ve seen him giddy over things as mundane as bonus time in a chemistry lab, but this is different. 

You can’t explain this sudden change in his attitude towards the world. It felt like it came out of nowhere. One day, he was the same Peter as always, the best friend you’ve known and laughed with since the two of you were small, and then something shifted and it’s like he won the lottery for all of life’s little victories. 

You’re not one to deny Peter his happiness if he can get it. This suspicion of yours doesn’t stem from you wanting to tear him down to some terrible state again. You’ve seen him after rough missions, how his entire frame seems to shrink by a good couple of inches when he feels that he’s failed. Peter has always been far too hard on himself, and if he’s doing better now, who are you to take that from him?

No, you couldn’t be more delighted to see Peter growing into himself like this. You just want to know why it’s happening. You and Peter have been good friends for a very, very long time. There is no secret that exists between the two of you, no rambling thought that goes unsaid. If something has changed in Peter’s life to make him this happy, he would tell you. Always. Or, he used to, and if anything’s affected that to the point where he feels like he can’t share it, you would be hurt more than you can possibly describe. 

The worst part is that Peter seems to have no idea that he hasn’t clued you into his change in situation. In fact, he seems to be suffering under the delusion that he already has. Every time you see Peter, he seems to hint at some cataclysmic event that you would surely know about. The fact that you don’t know it simply hasn’t occurred to him. 

Maybe, some little vicious voice in your head whispers to you, maybe he’s so happy because you don’t know. Because he’s got something good in his life that doesn’t involve you. That thought alone cuts more than any blade, because Peter has been yours for quite some time now, and if he’s someone else’s now, someone who isn’t you, you’d like to never think about that again.

That’s the problem of being a best friend, you suppose. You have a distinctive role to follow, specific shoes to fill. You’ll patch up Peter when he comes through your bedroom window at midnight, Spider-Man suit torn and wounds bleeding. You’ll listen to him ramble about a show he saw when you would much rather be finishing your physics notes. You will acknowledge that you will only ever be a side character in his life, someone who will one day be replaced by someone better. Someone he loves.

See, you’ve always been a little too eager to take what you want. You managed to delude yourself into thinking that you could be Peter’s best friend and love him too, and that is where you went wrong. You’re going to listen to him, and be by his side like nothing ever happened, but never, ever tell him how you truly feel. Maybe one day soon Peter will finally explain why he’s so happy. Maybe that reason will involve another person he can love more than you. Maybe that’ll be the day you finally lose your mind.

Until then, you are content with still having claim over at least some small part of Peter’s life. The two of you walk to and from school together, your paths only diverging when Peter goes to patrol and you go home. You eat lunch with him, you choose him as lab partner every time, and through it all, you understand Peter no more than you did at the beginning of all this when you first noticed that something had changed.

It unsettles you, you can admit that freely. You have always known Peter better than anyone, better than yourself. You can take one look at him and understand what’s going on in his head, you always have. So why can’t you do it now? Why can’t you figure him out just like any other day in the great stretch of years you’ve had with him?

Peter, for his part, remains unaffected by whatever turmoil is making a muck of your head and heart. He smiles more. He laughs harder. It’s easier for him to make it through a night without getting nightmares of the people he’s lost; although Peter never tells you that to your face, you can tell by the way the bags under his eyes have shrunk that something has improved. 

Whatever person has entered Peter’s life to change him for the better, no matter how much you resent them for likely replacing you at some point soon, you do send them a silent thank-you for that. Peter needs his rest. It might not come with you, but at least someone can coax peace out of him.

Peter lingers by your desk after class one morning. “Tomorrow is Saturday,” he says carefully.

“Yeah,” you reply, one eyebrow raised, “that is how the day after Friday usually works.”

Peter rolls his eyes, swatting you on the shoulder with a flier. “You’re insufferable. Anyway, are you still on for caffeine and calculus?”

You grin. “Aren’t I always?”

You and Peter have had a long-standing agreement between the two of you, a permanent reservation of your time. Every Saturday morning without fail, you meet up at one of your houses to go over that week’s homework, usually accompanied by coffee or tea or something else to make the study session feel more enjoyable. You alternate whose residence will be host to your caffeine-fuelled ramblings, and tomorrow, it’s Peter’s turn to play homeowner.

Secretly, you feel a spark of cruel pride flare to life in your chest. Whoever’s out there making Peter smile like a second sunrise, they clearly haven’t yet claimed enough of Peter’s time to get rid of your Saturday morning gatherings. No, those are still yours. It might not be that way forever, but it is for now. That’s certainly worth celebrating.

Peter nods, a nervous grin on his face. “Sounds good to me. Hey, what do you say we meet up somewhere else instead? There’s a coffee shop a few blocks from here that has really good lattes, I figure we could go out this time.”

He rocks back and forth on his heels, clearly fixated on your answer. You shrug, tossing a few more papers into your backpack before you zip it up and sling it onto your shoulder. “That would be nice. What, are you panicking because you forgot to clean your room or something, is that why we’re going somewhere else? Whatever the state of that place is, you have to know that I’ve seen it worse.”

Peter groans, his cheeks starting to flush a mottled pink. “No, you idiot, it’s not because of that. Thanks for the faith in my cleaning abilities, by the way. This is just because I feel like what we have is good enough to make public, you know? It would be fun. We could do it.”

“Yeah,” you say slowly, still not entirely sure what about this proposition is enough to warrant the clear amount of nerves racing through Peter’s entire frame, “I think we could. See you then.”

“See you then,” Peter repeats. 

The second you confirm that you’re fine with his plans, his entire disposition seems to brighten, going from churning with nerves to utterly confident. You wave goodbye to him, then head to your next class, shaking your head slightly with confusion. What is going on with him?

You suppose you’ll figure that out tomorrow. The rest of the school day passes in the normal fashion; each class seems to take hours, but soon enough you’re racing out the doors with everyone else. You and Peter part ways, and then you’re left to mess about at home until nightfall.

Peter’s waiting outside your door the next morning. He looks slightly different, and it takes you a moment or so to realize why. He’s dressed nicer than usual, no pun t-shirts or science factoids printed across his clothing. Peter’s wearing his good shoes, a cleanly pressed shirt under a sweater, everything he usually only dons for important meetings. You wonder what’s going on to make him think that today was something worth this much celebration. After all, it’s just another study session, right?

You and Peter make easy conversation while he leads you to the coffee shop. You place your orders once inside and grab a table. Sitting down, you glance towards your backpack. “Should I get the stuff out?”

“Sure,” Peter begins, but he’s interrupted by his phone vibrating with an incoming call. He checks the caller ID and makes a face. “Sorry, I’m going to need to get that. It’s May, I got back late last night and she hasn’t seen me in like a full 24 hours, which tends to make her a little overprotective.”

You laugh. “No problem. Tell her I say hi.”

Peter flashes you a thumbs up and accepts the call. You slow your rummaging through your bag as he speaks, trying not to make too much noise lest you disturb the call. It’s not like you’d be interrupting anything major, though. Judging by Peter’s responses, this is just May Parker checking in to make sure her nephew isn’t in Spider-Man trouble and in need of help.

“No, May, I’m great,” Peter is saying, “We talked about today, remember?”

A distant muffled question issues back over the phone, and, given Peter’s exasperated expression, this must be May saying that she doesn’t remember at all.

“I’m at the coffee shop,” Peter reminds her, “you know, with my boyfriend? He says hi, by the way.”

For some reason, Peter looks over at you as he says this. It’s as if he’s twisting a knife in your chest, because even though you have only just overheard mere words, you suddenly feel as if you could start choking on blood. His boyfriend. Peter’s boyfriend. So there is another person in his life. You had hoped that your fears were just that, simple conjecture, but perhaps you were right to worry after all.

Peter hangs up a few seconds later, utterly unaware of the fact that he’s just made your heart fall through your chest to the floor below. “Sorry about that,” he repeats, “Adults, you know? Can’t handle the fact that we might actually want to do stuff of our own accord.”

“Do you want me to go?” You ask, heart racing, “I didn’t realize you had plans, Peter, you should have told me. If I stay too long, am I going to interrupt him?”

Peter frowns, brow furrowed with confusion. “What? No, don’t go. We just got here, why would you leave?”

You gesture vaguely between the phone and him. “I heard what you said on the phone to May, you’re meeting your boyfriend here. When is he coming? I don’t want to mess with your schedule if that’s happening right after this.”

Peter snorts. “Very funny, Y/N. Anyway, what were you saying earlier? Something about getting stuff?”

You shake your head. “No, really, Peter, when is the guy coming? I don’t want to third wheel your date.”

Peter’s humor leaves him. “Y/N. My boyfriend’s already here.”

You glance around, suddenly suspicious of anyone and everyone in the shop. “He is? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Peter leans forward slightly. “Y/N, this isn’t funny anymore.”

“I know,” you say without a small touch of bitterness, “I know. Just answer the question, please? If I have to leave early, I don’t want to spend this much time arguing.”

Peter’s face has changed again, somehow empty of emotion and full of something terrible all at the same time. “You’re the boyfriend. You know that. Stop playing around.”

Your expression constricts before you can stop yourself. “What?”

Peter scoffs. “God, I can’t believe you’re doing this. We’re dating, Y/N. I asked you out. You know that. If you didn’t want to be public, fine, but don’t tell me now. Hell, if you really don’t want to face it with people around, that’s great. I’ll go, you can keep pretending.”

He stands in a rush, almost upsetting his coffee cup. Grabbing his phone from the table in one quick snatch, he all but knocks over his chair in his clear need to get out. You sit there in a daze until you hear the bell in the door aggressively chime with Peter’s departure, and then your senses come hurtling back towards you all at once.

You need to fix this, now. You may not have a single clue what’s going on, but you do know this: you cannot leave Peter hating you. Your chair rocks on its back legs as you push away from the table and follow Peter out. He hasn’t made it far, so you’re able to catch up without too much difficulty. Peter looks angry when you cut him off, but he doesn’t push past you, so you count that as a victory, however small. 

“I thought you didn’t want to be seen with me,” he says snidely. 

You sigh, the exhale just as harsh as his words. “I didn’t know,” you begin, but Peter cuts you off. 

“Of course you did. How could you not? I asked if you wanted to be more than friends weeks ago. Why are you only now pretending like this is something completely foreign to you?”

“Because it is,” you say weakly, “I have no idea when you asked me. Truly, I don’t. You know that. You know I would never do something like this. Please, just tell me when this happened.”

Peter’s countenance remains doubtful, but he indulges you and explains. “It was about three weeks ago. We were staying up late for that computer science assignment. You know, the one that took forever? I was trying to muster up my courage to ask you all night, and then I did, and you agreed.”

You wrack your brain trying to remember that moment. You and Peter had pulled an all-nighter to finish a coding project, and although you finally managed to get it down, your brain had shut down more and more as the hours progressed. At some point in time, Peter had turned to you and asked you something, something about how he really liked being your friend, something about how wouldn’t it be strange if you could be more–

“No,” you whisper desperately, “no, that wasn’t– I didn’t–”

“You didn’t know?” Peter asks, lips pursed.

You spin away from him, not needing to look him in the eyes to know how disappointed he is in you. “I didn’t,” you repeat, “I thought you were just asking if we were best friends instead of regular friends or something. I had no idea you meant any of this.”

“This?” Peter presses, “I’m assuming by ‘any of this’ that you don’t want to continue on as more than friends. Guess I misread that one by a mile.”

You whirl back around frantically. “No, no. Peter, I’ve been wanting something like this for months. Years, maybe. I just didn’t think that you would want it too. I didn’t want to get my hopes up for nothing, you know?”

Peter remains frustratingly, desperately still. ��So you would want to date?”

“Yes,” you answer him, “I would. I really would.”

He hesitates a moment longer, than that same bright smile you’ve been seeing all this time shines onto his face. It occurs to you now that you’ve been puzzling over the source of his happiness for so long and it’s been you all the while. What a wonderful thought.

“I thought you’d never say it,” he whispers.

“Of course I would,” you reply, “it just might take me a while, you know?”

“That’s alright,” Peter says, “just as long as you mean it.”

“I do,” you promise him, and just like that you know it’s going to be alright. Peter believes you, of course he does. The two of you have believed in each other for quite some time now. It’s good to know that you’ll carry on in that vein for a very long time again.

marvel tag list: @namoreno, @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @callsign-scully, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43, @deafsuperhero, @fadedver

[regretisstoredintheme]

So I saw you said you've been writing oddly specific headcannons-?

And I'm just here to say-

y e s

I would like to see them plz XD

-T

Omg do I..??? Have an anon..???? :0

HIIIIII :DDDD

The handholding/blush hcs were the oddly specific hcs I had mentioned— HOWEVER— HAVE MORE THAT I THOUGHT OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

Leo had a lisp for a while — it wasn’t very noticeable and he hid it well, but Mikey thought it was cool so he copied it, exaggerating the lisp. it became “Mikey’s thing” (as it usually goes when the younger sibling copies 😭)

Donnie doesn’t like grass. Not like plants in general- he loves plants- he just hates the feeling of grass. Considering they’re in New York, he had never really felt it until April took them on a road-trip, in which Donnie had quite literally hissed at the spiky foliage.

Leo will randomly sing/yell at the top of his lungs and will not relent until one of his brothers copies the stim back.

“AAAAAA”

“AAAAAAAAAAA”

“AAAAAAAA, THERE NOW WILL YOU SHUT. U—”

Raph has nightmares; like— a chronic nightmare kind of thing, it’s why he’s an early bird. when he wakes up from them and can’t go back to sleep— he goes to Leo. “Leo?? Why Leo!?” you ask? Well, my friend, Countless reasons! 1. Leo is the one who cares most about Raph’s fear of being alone, and I feel like waking up in the dark without anyone awake would KICKSTART THAT MF. 2. Leo has insomnia, anyway, and usually he’s awake when Raph has a nightmare. 3. Leo talks in his sleep, and it’s really hard to feel alone in the when there’s someone in the room being loud as hell. 4. LEO MAKES JOKES?? IN HIS SLEEP??? Raph gets to chuckle a little through tired tears, feeling more comfortable in his own shell. 5. Leo and Raph are constantly fighting for control of the team as leader, however, when the team isn’t involved, it seems like they can both just relax and enjoy the quiet. 6. Leo is the lightest sleeper unknown to man. Even if Raph just peeked through the curtains, the slightest fabric movement has Leo jutting awake, looking around before recognizing his brother, a tired smile replacing the shock on his face. 7. Leo doesn’t judge him or make him feel any less of a hero for having a nightmare. All he does is smile, ask “What’s up, bug guy?” with gentle understanding, and offer a place on the floor to sleep. THAT ONE WAS LONG SHSJSBSJBD

Raph has teddy bears. Many. Many teddy bears. I feel like this is mostly canon considering his frequent buyer gift card, but I just feel like it had to be said 😤

Mikey is FLEXIBLE as FUCK. “Psycho-acrobatics” is right.

Donnie offered to give Casey Jr. braces, but the time traveler declined, saying he thought they looked cool.

April, Cassandra, Casey Jr. and Sunita will sometimes call themselves the “protesters quartet” as they often go out to advocate for rights of certain minorities.

April knows how to temper chocolate. She rightfully abuses this power.

[sunnyh8smsi]

Supporting a racist isn't as progressive as you think.

⚠⚠⚠⚠BIG BIG BIG DISCLAIMER

DO NOT HARARSS THE USER MENTIONED.

IF YOU HARASS THE ACCOUNT MENTIONED I WILL NOT HESITATE TO PUBLICALLY SHAME YOU. THAT ISN'T A JOKE, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR MORE FUCKING BULLYING ON THIS SITE. THIS POST IS NOT HATEFUL BUT A CALLOUT AND CRITQUE OF A POPULAR USER.

So I decided I wanted to start my tumblr presence with a bang. Or at least in the fact that IK at least someone will get big mad over this, but I simply don't care. Here's some background before this post continues about the subjects of this post:

A popular blog on here that has gotten on my nerves a few times with how blatantly performative she is, girlgerard, who I will refer to as GG.(she/him) (hello from your search mentions, I don't come in peace)

And the subject she talks about, Lyn-z Way, bass 'player' of the racist band MSI, and wife of girlgerard's fave, Gerard Way. (Lynz-she/her, Gerard- he/they) So with that background, you might be asking, 'yo! how do these people connect at all?' That is very valid to ask. Girlgerard is a person who stans Gerard way so much that if he were criticism or critique. Therefore as someone who stans G Way he stands Lyn-z, and even defended Lyn-z. (Plus made a weird comment about their relationship) First as a brief mention about Lyn-z, it is public knowledge in the MCR space, that she is apart of the Band MSI, who's lead singer says the N-word in multiple songs, and is an alleged pedophile. Lyn-z has also race faked very publicly, on twitter. So with that being said, you can tell why people dislike Lyn-z, she's pretty much an all around POS.

Instead of recognizing his fave's wife is a bad person, while still liking Gerard, GG has weaponized Lyn-z's queerness and womanhood to excuse, or at the very least diminish, Lyn-z's racism. Saying that people attack her because they're misoginistic, and listing reasons in this photo below (alt text in image description)

Yes, I know that is a lot to cover, but I will break it down, and why I disagree with her, in simple chunks.

1. From what I've seen and experienced on twitter, most people do not like her because she is racist/race faked. I remember once instance where someone made a very uncouth joke about harming Lyn-z, which was also very sexist, and people that called out her before went after, reported and called them out immediately. 2. A nit pick, GG did not have to mention he was Indian in the first post for the anons sending vile messages to her part to have an impact.

3. No one gives a shit that you want Gerard to be happy. People do give a shit that you have defended a literal racist. And yk, maybe the mentioning of ethnicity plays an unintended ironic role. It makes no sense you defend her.

4. Being weirdly sexual. I get it you were being sarcastic about the pegging line, but there is a trend about these oddly sexual jokes that I will bring up later in the post.

5. Lyn-z has said mentioned was a fan of a transphobic, antisemitic, and racist drag queen, Sharon Needles, a few times, it is valid for people to call her a transphobe, or a terf, with how white girl feminist she is, because of that. A specific instance of her supporting this drag queen was a photo she posted on twitter in 2012.

6.A queer person can be homophobic. Queer people might have a lot of internalized homophobia, or even might be homophobic themselves. We see this a lot in the queer community, as an example, with how bisexuals are treated, and queer people who have been brainwashed by homophobic rhetoric. Do I think Lyn-z is homophobic? Most probably she is not. She toured with a queer man for years and has claimed to be bisexual herself, but I do see how someone can see her as homophobic without that context. If you as a brown person think you should not be defending her, don't defend her. Racism halts any exception.

7.It doesn't matter that people do not know Lyn-z, if she has affected them negatively. Lyn-z has done a lot for people to dislike her, defended a pedo, supported racist and antisemitic bands and people, be a performative feminist, a performative anti-racist, race fake, and more. It is not misogynistic to dislike her for those reasons, even if they don't know her. I promise none of that correlates to her womanhood, except for her using her white woman tears to defend herself on twitter.

8.There is nothing vitriol about valid critique and distain of her behavior. 9.There was and is genuine discussion and intent for discussion about racial dynamics, assuming you didn't just put that phrase in there to sound smart. People call her out because of how she uses her whiteness, and even womanhood, to appropriate other cultures and defend her racism in MSI. (By the womanhood example I mean her saying things on twitter, I'm paraphrasing with this, like 'what would I do if my daughter google searches her mother and sees all these horrible things about her', which she was referring to call outs about Jimmy and MSI, not misogyny.)

It seems GG views Lyn-z not as a person to be judged on her own merits, but to be judged on his bias of Gerard. She brings joy to Gerard, so she can't be critiqued, because Gerard can't be critiqued. Some strong cognitive dissonance is going on here. Although she has mentioned she isn't the biggest fan of Lyn-z, he fangirls over photos, and defends her Lyn-z because Gerard is in the equation.

Not only fangirling, but defending. Again only because he views her as an asset to Gerard.

There is a lot of things wrong with this post. A lot. Once again I will break it down into manageable chunks. 1.First of all, what's with this 'kys anons' thing? Seems hypocritical...

2.Gerard is GNC, but has never mentioned being trans. It seems from a lot of GG's posts that she uses a lot of gender essentialism to support the fact that he views Gerard as a trans-femme. Using the fact Gerard wore skirts to call him a Girl in various ways, just feels demeaning to Gerard's explicit statements that he does not want to be assumed about. Gerard might not fit gender norms, but that doesn't mean he identifies with the trans label.

GNC ≠ Trans

3.The use of dyke. Calling a couple dykes just because you think they are a lesbian couple is extremely homophobic. Calling someone a slur in general is extremely hateful, and this is situation seems like fetishization of trans lesbians. I had mentioned before that I feel some of GG's posts feel sexual in an off kilter way, this is one of them. Referring to the couple as just terms like femme4femme without the couple being lesbian in any remote way feels like she's searching up a porn category.

I know GG backtracked on some posts, idk if this one in general, saying it's all just a joke, but calling someone a slur and misgendering them is simply not funny. (plus GG to this day refers to Gerard, (and sometimes Ray) as a woman, uses she/her, calls her girl, etc. The 'its just a joke' statement was just to save his ass from people getting mad she misgendered and sexualized them. It's never just a joke.)

So why write all this?

Girlgerard has made a few posts recently focused on helping out poc, but only using the most basic ways of helping people out, in the short term. And barely addressing the actual racism that change our racist system that keeps poc in poverty. Instead of promoting things that will cause long term change on top of the short term.

It's very hypocritical that he want's to help other poc out but supports a racist, and has called other minorities, that suffer from this system, slurs.

In conclusion, girlgerard's support of Lyn-z shows how he actively will excuse Racist, Homophobic, and antisemitic people if her fave loves that person.

ONCE AGAIN THIS ISN'T AN INVITATION TO HARASS GIRLGERARD⚠⚠⚠

[a-library-of-old]

Headcanons of Horner with a reader who has a very obvious one-sided crush on him? 😳 (Sorry if it's too oddly specific)

Oh no readers gonna get so gaslight gatekeep girbossed by him 😔

Your all good by the way anon the details lk make this a lil easier for me^^ this ask does give me a touch of brainrot tho in the best ways

The moment Jack finds out is the moment he starts playing with you like a toy man

Will judge your pies the most often for if the batch is good or not, looking dead at you for most of it

This also means he'll be calling you in to do tasks the most for him

Anyway he can he's gonna stand just a bit to close and speak just a bit to low

He reveals in seeing how far he can 'innocently' push things with you too. Wanting to watch you squirm and blush and try to keep your 'secret'

He'll call you for private meetings where he gives you soft touches and compliments before whispering in your ear about how you seem diffeent for some reason

Oh and the questions of if he makes you nervous while holding your shoulder just a bit to tight

All with a face of mock sympathy and concern

When he swings by the factory to observe his workers as well he always seems to just loom over your shoulder and tell you any mistake your making

When he finally admittes to knowing? It's another office visit where he leans in and whispers how he knows about your feelings

He laughs at how you've been acting and obvious it is and how fun it is to play with you like this

The more embarrassed you feel the further he seems to go pushing to see your shame

[seijorhi]

Pretty Young Thing

A yandere Erasermic commission for an anon, I hope you like it bby!!

Aizawa Shouta x reader x Hizashi Yamada

TW non-con, breeding kink, pregnancy, surrogacy, pregnant sex, smut, age-gap, nsfw

“Don’t you think she’s a little young, ‘Zashi?”

“It’s up to you both how involved you are during the first stages and the overall pregnancy. Normally we suggest an initial meeting with the potential surrogate for all three of you to get a feel for one another and decide if you want to proceed with the arrangement, but should you wish, we can–”

“No,” he interrupts, sparing Hizashi a fleeting glance. “We want to meet her.”

Beneath the desk, his husband squeezes his hand. 

Hizashi quirks an eyebrow, pausing midway through fixing his hair in the mirror. “Whaddya mean, babe? She’s in her twenties ain’t she?”

He’s not wrong, but that’s not the issue. They picked you, they both picked you, but there’s this lingering unease that he can’t seem to shake. It’s not so much your age specifically, he knows that you’re only a few years younger than the majority of the other women whose profiles they’d seen – you’re old enough to understand what you’re getting yourself into and agree to it, at any rate – it’s just that he doesn’t quite understand why somebody your age would want to do this.

And there’s something different about you, it’s just a feeling of course – he hasn’t yet had a chance to confirm his suspicions, but he wants to meet you and decide for himself.

“We do have a number of potential surrogates with promising Quirks if you’re considering pursuing that option for your child,” the Doctor told them, smiling as they flipped through page after page of profiles.

Hisako, 35, Quirk: Sun-flare

Nozumi, 26, Quirk: Mimic

Koharu, 28, Quirk: Seismic Wave

Chiyoko, 33, Quirk: Golden Whip

Yuzuki, 32, Quirk: Silencer

There’s dozens of them – which is more than he expected. 

Aizawa knew coming in that this wasn’t normally the process, that this agency catered specifically to Heroes – was recommended by the Hero commission – but it still feels strange, just browsing through pages upon pages of potential candidates to carry their baby. 

Was he supposed to be feeling some kind of emotion looking at these profiles? The women were all healthy, each of them attractive, in their own ways (nothing but the very best, the Doctor had reassured them with a smile). This woman, whoever they picked, she’d be carrying their baby, yes, but that was the extent of it. She wasn’t going to be a part of their lives beyond that, so what did it matter if she was nice or liked to cook or play tennis?

There were stats, of course. Their education and IQ’s and little snippets of history, but they were all impressive, otherwise they wouldn’t have been included. Were they supposed to choose based on their Quirk? One that might compliment his or Zashi’s? Quirks were troublesome things to begin with, and–

“Wait-wait, Shou, hold up,” Hizashi’s voice cut through his musings, long fingers wrapping around his wrist midway through turning the page. “Go back one.”

He does as he’s told, flicking the page back.

Y/N, 23, Quirk: N/A.

A lone eyebrow lifts. Quirkless, huh? A blank slate.

But that’s not what caught Hizashi’s eye.

“She’s kinda cute, don’tcha think, baby?”

It feels weirdly like a first date, nervous jitters and all – though he’d like to believe he’s better at suppressing that now then back when he was a teenager. Aizawa hasn’t bothered to shave, but his hair’s tied back in a loose bun and he’s pulled out a suit for the occasion – he’s even wearing a tie for fuck’s sake. Beside him, Hizashi’s ditched his usual leather jacket and ripped jeans for, well, nicer jeans and a button up floral shirt.

And then there’s you. Standing in the doorway of the cafe glancing around like a little lost lamb, he recognises you instantly from the picture on your profile, but the moment your eyes meet his he’s struck with the realisation that the picture didn’t truly do you justice.

Because you do look young (at least compared to their thirty odd years) and it might just be the hesitant smile adorning your face as you start to make your way over, or the charming little summer dress falling to your mid-thigh, swishing hypnotically with every step, but Shouta feels something catch in his chest the more he stares. You really are… what was the word ‘Zashi had used? Cute?

Yeah. You were cute. 

The agency had offered to host this little meetup at their clinic, and while he hadn’t particularly cared one way or the other, Hizashi’d been insistent. He’d wanted this to feel ‘natural’. 

‘I don’t really wanna meet our potential baby mama for the first time in some boring, sterile office, d’you?”

He’d only bitten back a sigh at the time, shaking his head. It wouldn’t have been worth upsetting him by reminding him that the girl was technically a glorified incubator. He had every intention of being involved in this process, but this initial meeting was to establish two things. Firstly, that after meeting them, you still felt comfortable with carrying their baby, and secondly, he wanted to make absolutely certain that you weren’t trying to get anything out of this.

Oh, he knew you were getting paid, handsomely, he’s sure, but the thought that you, or any of the women the agency had fobbed their way might not all be in this for altruistic reasons had crossed his mind. 

You were just so young.

But he was more than happy to determine those two things in a ten minute meeting at the agency. 

Hizashi was not, and so here they are. 

Ten minutes in, and he finds himself glad of his husband’s insistence. Hands wrapped around your mug of coffee (you should enjoy it while you can) you chatter away with Hizashi, beaming and blushing, tripping over your own words in your nervousness. 

You’re about as dangerous as a kitten, and he allows himself to relax enough in his seat to enjoy watching the blonde charm you. 

“So why don’t ya tell us a little about yourself, songbird?”

“There’s really not all that much to tell,” you say with a sheepish laugh, but they listen as you talk anyway. It’s nothing the profile hadn’t already told them, nothing spectacular that would make you stand out in the crowd. 

And yet, an hour and a half later, you’re trying in vain to distract him and Hizashi both so that you can slip your card in with the bill to pay for lunch, and Shouta finds himself oddly amused.

There were other candidates – ones with impressive Quirks, smarter than you, more accomplished than you, older than you–

“Ya sure you don’t want a lift, sweetheart? It’s no trouble.”

You smile again, demure little thing, and shake your head. “Oh no, really it’s okay. It’s not far and… I like the walk. Thank you, though.”

– but none nearly so endearing, he thinks. 

And when they watch you disappear into the crowd, one final wave thrown over your shoulder, Hizashi’s fingers lace with his once more.

“So she’s our baby mama, huh?

He’s silent for a moment. “I suppose so.”

—

The agency recommended, at least in the initial stages before the implantation procedure took place, that any communication between the three of you should go through them. 

Hizashi had your number programmed into his phone before you’d even left the cafe, and he’s been texting you every day since – to the point where it wasn’t unusual for Shouta to come downstairs and find Mic chuckling to himself, fingers dancing across the keyboard on his phone as he replies to whatever message you’ve sent. 

Shouta, for his part, tends to message only to check in.

How are you feeling? Any side effects from the meds?

Your response comes a little slower than usual, and it’s almost an hour before finally he receives it.

Sorry they’re cracking down on us using our phones at work :( 

Everything’s good so far! The doc said i should be on track for our appointment next week!

… is it weird that I’m a little excited haha?

His brow furrows at that. You hadn’t mentioned a job – at least not to him, he’d have to ask Hizashi later whether you'd said anything to him. 

Why on earth were you still working? He’d seen the contracts, he knew exactly how much you were getting paid for this little venture, wasn’t that enough to support you?

He makes a brief mental note to make sure that whatever job you were working at, you stopped long before the baby was due. You might just be a surrogate, but he’d be damned if his baby was put in jeopardy because you were needlessly exerting yourself. 

Nevertheless, his expression softens somewhat as he reads the second part of your message. You were excited, hm? 

Well, that made three of you.

Both he and Hizashi’d been willing to come along to the clinic with you – he’d even submitted a formal leave request to take the day off from UA, but the Doctor had assured him that it wasn’t necessary.

“The procedure is quick and relatively painless. She’ll be home within a few hours, and so long as she remains off her feet and doesn’t undertake any strenuous activity, she will be perfectly fine.”

It hadn’t sat particularly well with Hizashi who’d spent the afternoon huffing and complaining about the clinic trying to kick them both out of the process. That much, he expected – he understood it to an extent; the agency catered specifically to Heroes, most of their clientele probably had busy schedules (which was true in their case as well). There wasn’t a need for them to be present at such a minor procedure, even if it did hopefully mark the beginnings of your pregnancy. 

What he hadn’t expected was the twinge of discontent he felt settle in his own stomach. The Doc might’ve preferred they stay out of this, but at the end of the day he really didn’t give a shit what she or the agency wanted.

So he messaged you.

Do you want us there with you?

He watches those three little dots bounce for almost a solid minute before finally your reply comes through.

No, it’s okay, you don’t have to come. The Doc said it wouldn’t take long and I don’t wanna be a burden for you guys

It’s not really an answer to his question, and he briefly wonders if Hizashi might be right about the agency interfering, but he’s not going to fight you on it. 

At least, that’s his plan until Principal Nezu pulls him aside at the end of a staff meeting and tells him that he’s found somebody to cover his classes tomorrow if he still wants the day off. 

“Ya gotta go, babe. One of us should be there for our ‘lil mama.”

He asks you what time your appointment is and there’s a surprisingly pleasant fluttering in his stomach when you walk through the clinic doors and catch sight of him sitting in the waiting room.

It’s a momentary surprise – you almost do a double take, but a smile lights your face and you ignore the receptionist in favour of racing towards him. 

“Shouta, I thought you weren’t coming!” Your arms wrap around his middle, squeezing tightly.

He finds himself returning your hug – albeit somewhat stiffly – but he’s glad he made the decision to come. The Doctor wasn’t wrong, you’re only in with her for just under twenty minutes, and when you come out there’s a tremble in your legs, but you seem otherwise fine.

It goes without saying that he’s driving you home, though you try once again to beg him off.

Kitten, when are you gonna learn that so long as you’re carrying his and ‘Zashi’s child, they’re going to go out of their way to make things easier for you – whether you want them to or not.

Yet your quiet discomfort on the drive home doesn’t slip past his attention. Maybe it’s because he’s become accustomed to your nervous rambling, but there’s something odd about the way you’re sitting so quietly, fingers twisting in your lap as you stare out the window. He knows that if Hizashi was here, he’d be chatting your ear off, but he’s never been one to fill silence with unnecessary small talk.

Though he can’t exactly help the way his own mind drifts. Are you in pain? The Doc didn’t say anything about there being any pain, only that you should rest over the next few days, so it shouldn’t be that. Perhaps you’re just lost in your thoughts – it’s strange for them having a surrogate, he can only imagine what’s going through your own head now that it’s actually begun. He hopes that you aren’t having second thoughts, almost opens his mouth to ask before thinking better of it.

You’re entitled to your thoughts and feelings, whatever they may be, and if you wanted to talk to him about them, you would. 

It’s not until the scenery outside starts to change and the fancy sky-scrapers give way to dingy apartment blocks and dilapidated buildings, crammed in together too tightly that he realises that it’s not discomfort that’s written across your face, but embarrassment.

This was your neighbourhood?

Shouta recognises it, and really he should have picked up on it earlier when you’d given him the address – he’s spent more than a few nights patrolling the area. It’s a hotspot, not for the high-class, dangerous villains plastered across the news every night, but thieves and murderers. Petty thugs who prey on the weak, those addicted, with nowhere else to go… you live here?

Surely with the money you’re getting from the agency, and your job on top of that, you can afford a better neighbourhood.

He glances at you out of the corner of his eye, watches as you all but shrink into your seat, and when you speak, your voice is little more than a whisper.

“You can just drop me off at the corner here.”

He pulls the car to a stop by the curb, and for a moment neither of you speak. He doesn’t know what to say, and judging from the way you’re nibbling on your bottom lip and glancing up at him, you don’t either. 

“I–”

“Thank you,” you cut him off with a tight smile. “For coming today, and for… this. I-I really do appreciate it.” 

The words aren’t quite sincere, but he only nods – noting the miniscule sigh that escapes your lips at the action. “Of course. Anytime you need us, just call, okay.” He waits for you to nod before continuing, “Do as the Doc said, rest.”

You all but scamper from the car after saying another goodbye, though Shouta waits until you’ve disappeared into the crumbling apartment block before driving off.

Maybe the inside is nicer, but he sincerely doubts it.

—

“You should’ve seen it, ‘Zashi.” The two of them are curled up on the love-seat, half empty containers of takeout littering the coffee table in front of them. “I just can’t figure out why she’d be living somewhere like that.” 

The blonde frowns. He’d been messaging you throughout the afternoon, so he knew that the appointment had gone fine. It wasn’t that he expected to come home and find the erasure Hero jumping for joy, but the subtle discontent on Shouta’s face had been enough to make him pause. 

“You’re worried about our ‘lil songbird?” he asks, pushing away just enough so that he could turn to study his face. 

The short nod says plenty. Of course he is – even if you weren’t potentially carrying his child, you’re young, beautiful and far too innocent for your own good. In places like that, you were easy pickings, and you don’t even have a Quirk to protect yourself. His job requires him to assess his students’ strengths, their failings and weaknesses and their progress. He doesn’t need to see you in action to know that you wouldn’t be able to hold your own in a fight. 

It bothers him. 

“She’s not safe there.”

Hizashi hums, but instead of settling back against his husband’s side, he straightens up further. “Well, why don’t we go take a look-see, huh handsome? Make sure our sweet thing’s pad’s all safe ‘n sound, put your mind at ease. Whaddya say?”

As he stares into those imploring green eyes, Shouta knows that he should say no. 

Concerned or not, there’s still a line, privacy that should be respected. He’s tired and this is the only night that they both have off this week. Your place is almost twenty minutes from theirs, and it’s already late – almost midnight. The list goes on, there are a thousand reasons that he should say no.

“Fine. Just for tonight.”

—

Two weeks later, the two Heroes receive a call from the agency; the blood test came back positive – you’re pregnant. 

In the blink of an eye, at least to Shouta, this becomes startlingly real. You’re pregnant. They’re going to have a baby. Boy, girl, it doesn’t matter… You’re pregnant, and as his husband ends the call and yanks him by his collar into a fierce kiss, he realises how important this is.

How important you are, just by the virtue of carrying their baby.

They invite you over for dinner to celebrate, and while he’s never been one to flaunt the comfortable lifestyle he and Hizashi have, he does find it strangely pleasing to watch you wonder wide eyed through their apartment. He’d be the first to admit it’s big – bigger than they’d ever probably need, though with the baby on the way maybe they’ll finally be able to make use of all that extra space.

Mic grabs you by the hand, eagerly dragging you towards the nursery he’s already begun setting up. “Once I heard the good news, I just couldn’t wait to get started! Our little rockstar’s gonna have the sweetest crib, don’tcha think? Ain’t it amazing?” 

He’s already started painting and there’s a wooden cot halfway assembled and the beginnings of a musical mobile pushed off to the side waiting for him to return to it. It’s hardly close to being finished, but you just grin, gazing at the mural he’s started on the walls. “It’s amazing,” you say.

“I knew ya’d like it!” he beams.

Shouta hangs back as Hizashi guides you through the rest of the apartment, chattering excitedly away. He likes seeing his husband happy, and somehow you manage to bring it out of him without even trying. It’s still early days but Shouta has to admit that already you’re more to him and Hizashi than he expected, or even anticipated. You fit well with them, seamlessly, as if you’d always been a part of their lives.

After dinner, they drive you home despite your protests, and Hizashi insists they walk you up to your apartment. You’re no doubt under the impression that they’re doing it to be gentlemanly, missing the shared looks between the two men as they pass the out of order elevator and tread down hallways with stained carpet and peeling wallpaper, ignoring the leering yellow eyes of your neighbour, peeking out from the crack in the doorway as they bid you goodnight, ‘Zashi squeezing you extra tight.

There’s an uncharacteristic hardness in his husband’s eyes as they both slip back into the car, “No way in hell are we lettin’ her stay here.”

On that at least, there’s no arguments from him.

—

Hizashi, unsurprisingly, is the one to bring it up.

The three of you are grabbing a bite to eat after your first ultrasound. This time, both of them had been insistent on being there, and he’s glad they were. Seeing that grainy image of their baby, hearing it’s heartbeat – strong and steady – had filled him with an emotion he’d never felt before.

It was happiness and excitement and wonder and awe all mixed up and wrapped into a gut punch that stole his breath away, and while Hizashi had burst into a loud fit of tears, burying his face in Shouta’s neck while reaching for your hand, he’d managed to keep his own at bay.

Mostly. 

Regardless, you have little choice but to indulge them when they drag you out to one of the blonde’s favourite restaurants – on the proviso that they had you home in time to get ready for work.

“Songbird, there’s something the two of us have been meanin’ to ask ya.”

You perk up a little, hastily swallowing down your mouthful of food so you can reply, “Oh?”

He wonders if you notice the way your hand already instinctively drifts to your stomach, your barely there baby bump. 

“Why’re ya livin’ in a place like that, sweetheart?” You freeze, the corners of your smile slipping, but Hizashi continues, “Ain’t the money from the agency enough? We know you’re working that other job as well… we just…”

Shouta can physically feel you tensing like a bunny caught in a trap, and he doesn’t know what possesses him to reach out, sliding a hand across the table as you pale, but you take it regardless. 

“Talk to us. Please,” he begs. “We just want to understand what’s going on. You have to realise that it’s not exactly a safe neighbourhood, and it’s not just you we have to worry about anymore.” Dark eyes flicker pointedly towards your stomach. 

It’s a dirty tactic, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the truth. Did you realise how much danger you were truly in? Not just from the common street thugs – though frankly he thinks it’s nothing short of a miracle that you’d managed to get this far unscathed – but any number of villains with a grudge against either one of them, or Heroes in general. If they found out a pretty, quirkless thing like you was carrying their baby, how long do you think it would take before they tracked you down and kicked through your door?

Your eyes flicker between the two of them, and you swallow shakily. “I-it’s…” you break off, taking a deep, steadying breath, “It’s all I can afford right now.”

“But, hun, what about–”

“I know,” you say. “The money for the surrogacy isn’t for me. It’s money I owe.”

Neither Hero speaks a word as you talk, telling them about your uncle, the man who raised you, how his business went under a few years back and you both lost almost everything.

Shouta isn’t surprised to find out that your uncle turned to loan sharks when the banks turned him away and threatened to take your house. Alarmed at the man’s blatant stupidity, yes, but not surprised. Your eyes start to water when you tell them about how he died a few months back – a hit and run –  and the visit you were paid only a week later, informing you that your uncle’s debts were now yours, and payment had better come through quick. 

Your hand’s trembling in his by the time you finish. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t have any options, I didn’t know how else to get the money, and they said that i-if I didn’t pay up, they-they’d–” a sob catches you unawares, and once again it’s Hizashi who’s out of his seat and at your side in a heartbeat, sliding into the booth beside you, pulling you into a one armed embrace. 

It’s his eyes that you meet, and Shouta understands. He doesn’t need you to explain what threats were made. You were scared, terrified probably, and you had every right to be. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” you sniffle. “I’m sorry for lying to you.”

Really, he should be furious. Disappointed at the very least. 

“Move in with us,” he says instead, ignoring your sudden, startled intake of breath. “At least until the baby comes.”

He should be, but this works better.

—

It takes a little longer than he’d like to convince you, but the two of them wear you down and a few weeks later Shouta finds himself carting boxes of your things up into the spare room in their apartment.

Despite the fact that you’re pregnant with their baby, you’re terrified of being a burden to the two Heroes, but it’s because of the baby that you eventually relent.

They want to be close, involved. They want to know that you’re safe – and their apartment’s state of the art security system will make sure of that when they’re not home with you. They want to make sure that you’re not exerting yourself, that you’re eating the right things and not running yourself ragged at a job you don’t need, stressing yourself out needlessly and putting the baby at risk.

All of that’s true. 

It’s just not the entire reason. 

At first, he convinces himself that it’s for Hizashi, as well as his own peace of mind, but he’s starting to wonder if that’s the full truth of it. Because of course he wants to keep a close eye on the pregnancy – he knows that this can’t be easy on you. You have no family left, and if you have any friends then they’ve done an excellent job of keeping you at arm's length. 

You have nobody but them, and it does bring him some modicum of peace to know that you’re just down the hall if anything goes wrong. 

Hizashi adores having you there with them, having somebody else to cook for, somebody to come home to at the end of a long day. More than a few times, they’ve both returned from a night of patrolling to find you curled up on the couch, fast asleep with a blanket over your legs and a book slipping from your fingers, having tried, and failed, to wait up from them.

You tune into Mic’s radio show on the nights you can’t sleep, and on the odd mornings that you wake up before either of them, they come downstairs to find bacon sizzling away in the pan, a pot of coffee already brewing. There’s something oddly charming about the way you pout while you pour it for them, knowing you can’t have any yourself.

“You’re a special kind of masochist, ya know?” Hizashi teases, sidling up beside you to grab a cup.

You sigh dejectedly. “I must be,” you reply as he plants a kiss on your cheek and squeezes your side affectionately, but it’s impossible to miss the sparkle in your eyes. You’re happy here, with them. 

Shouta warns you from pushing yourself too much, but even he can notice the apartment’s tidier when they arrive home than when they left, the freshly baked goods sitting on the countertop that weren’t there yesterday.

“I just… I know I can’t pay you back for all of this, I just wanna make myself useful,” you tell him one night when he asks about it. “I still feel like I’m taking advantage of the both of you, staying here…”

“You’re carrying our baby, that’s enough,” he reminds you, his calm, steady voice brooking no disagreement. And yet, as dark eyes study your face, he can tell that it’s not enough for you, so he sighs, and in a quiet voice adds, “We like having you here.”

He likes having you there. Sitting at the dining room table, helping him grade papers, lounging around on their rare days off together – helping Mic set up the nursery, volunteering to go shopping with them for baby stuff. He’s lost count of how many pregnancy books you’ve bought, pouring over them with a fine tooth comb late at night – often falling asleep in the process, leaving him and Hizashi to carry you off to bed with a barely there kiss to your forehead.

You fit between them in a way he hadn’t quite expected. Not a burden, not an interloper, but as if there was always a place carved out for you with them, and it’s only now that they realise that there was something missing to begin with. 

It doesn’t quite click until he finds his thoughts drifting towards you at work, his fingers drumming along the top of his desk so he can stop himself from reaching for his phone. He’s not usually so distracted teaching, and as the hours drag he finds himself glancing towards the clock on the wall, counting down the hours, minutes, until the day is done and they can return home to you.

Shouta can’t pretend for much longer that there isn’t something oddly satisfying watching your belly grow and your breasts swell as your pregnancy goes on. You’re glowing, and soft and beautiful, and he could kid himself and say that it’s just the normal effects of pregnancy, but there’s some part of him that’s strangely proud when your shirt rides up and he catches a glimpse of your baby bump – knowing it’s his child you’re carrying. His and ‘Zashi’s and yours.

And oh, he wishes that it was only pride that burns through his veins at the sight of you, barefoot and pregnant, pottering around the apartment. Hizashi’s the one to hold back your hair and rub your back soothingly when your morning sickness hits, but it’s Shouta who takes care of you when you start complaining about aching muscles and joints.

He tells himself that it’s purely about comfort, namely yours, ignoring the way you flush and stutter when he drags you up the stairs and pushes you gently towards the bed, telling you to lie down on your side. 

It’s just a massage, yet the moment his fingers run along your soft skin and a breathy moan slips from parted lips, the very last vestiges of the facade he’d built up in his head crumble into dust. 

You’re perfection. Bared and beautiful beneath him, making the prettiest noises for him as he works away at your muscles, expertly releasing all of your tension. He’s glad that your eyes are shut and you’re lost to the bliss, you don’t notice the way his breath hitches and becomes rough and heavy, the way his cock twitches in his sweats, blood flowing south as you arc into his touch. 

Such a responsive little thing, aren’t you?

“You’re amazing,” you moan, and though you can’t see that either, Shouta smirks. “Please never stop.”

It’s a good thing he has restraint, because it’s taking absolutely all of his to stop himself from taking more. 

He wants all of you. 

Wants to tease and taste.

Take.

Wants to hear those pretty fucking moans take the shape of his name… Hizashi’s name.

And maybe he might have felt guilty for those perverse thoughts, for the way he wants to tear the rest of your clothes off and fuck you nice and proper, breed you–

If his husband hadn't been standing by the door, watching the two of you for the last ten minutes. Shouta doesn’t need to look to know that it’s not anger or jealousy burning in his gaze.

He knows that his husband’s far from disgusted, knows it from the way Hizashi grabs his wrist on his way back down the hallway, pulling him instead to their bedroom and shoving him back onto the mattress with a wicked grin.

There’s something positively feral in the blonde’s expression as he hovers over him, forcing Shouta back down with a hand splayed across his chest, the other reaching down to his sweats to free his aching, needy cock.

“You’ve been holding out on me, baby,” he sings.

—

They have time.

Your due date is still months away, and you’re comfortable, here with them. 

There’s no reason for you to consider leaving until the baby’s born, and Shouta is adamant about keeping it that way. Hizashi can huff and puff and moan all he likes, he knows that they have to take this thing with you slowly. He won’t risk spooking you and losing any chance they have.

That’s not to say that he doesn’t empathise with the blonde, what with all the affectionate hugs and touches you thoughtlessly bestow, the way you’ll plonk yourself down on the couch between them so they can feel when the baby’s kicking.

Hizashi’s gotten to the stage where he’ll drop to his knees to shower your stomach in kisses when he gets home of an evening before sweeping you up into a hug of your own, his face a mask of perfect innocence when he catches sight of his husband’s less than impressed expression over your shoulder. 

Having you here with them, this little temporary faux family dynamic the three of you have found yourselves in is easy, domestic and nice. It should be enough, but it’s not.

“It’ll be weird, going home after this,” you hum absentmindedly one night.

Preoccupied with the noodles you’re toying with in your bowl, you miss the sharp look shared between both men.

“Whaddya mean, sweetheart?”

If you notice the odd stiffness to the words, you pay it no mind, simply shrugging. “I mean once the baby’s born. I dunno, I think I’ve become too comfortable here freeloading off of the two of you…” you glance up, smiling a little. “Going back to work and finding a place on my own again, starting fresh, it’ll be different, that’s all. Not bad different,” you hasten to clarify at the blonde’s nearly stricken face, “just… different.”

“Well it’s not like we’re gonna be forcing ya out, hun! You’re always welcome to jam with us for as long as you want.”

You shake your head with a rueful little laugh, “We both know I can’t do that. You’ll have the baby to worry about and the last thing I want is to feel like some awkward interloper, always getting in the way – especially after everything you guys have done for me.”

Hizashi’s fingers dig into the meat of his thigh, tightening with every word out of your mouth.

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m not saying I’m never going to come around to hang out or anything, but once this baby comes I’m gonna have to figure out what I’m going to do with my life.” Your eyes meet his, wide and hopeful, and Shouta’s reminded once again of just how young you really are. “I can go anywhere, do anything. It’s kind of exciting, don't you think?”

It was a mistake, to think that you’d come around to them on your own. 

You were young and naive, still living out a rose tinted fantasy where the world was your oyster and all you needed to do was reach out and take it. And maybe he’s partially to blame for that, taking your problems and getting rid of them, making you feel safe and comfortable, not realising that that security didn’t extend outside of these four walls, outside of their protection.

They need you, but kitten did you ever stop to think that you need them, too? 

Shouta had made the mistake of forgetting how this all came to be – you hadn’t wanted a family, you were just trying to save your own skin. You still think that you can make it on your own, without them. 

He supposes he shouldn’t blame you for your misplaced idealism, it’s only natural after all. Some people just don’t know what’s best for them.

They need to be shown.

—

You don’t stir as your bedroom door swings open. 

Not as Hizashi pulls back your sheets, groaning softly at the sight of your swollen breasts and precious baby bump, stretching against the confines of your silk pajamas. “Ain’t she a fuckin’ dream, Shou?”

Not as the blonde busies himself in carefully sliding your sleep shorts down your legs, or even as Aizawa gathers up your wrists, pressing a kiss to each one, and binds them to the headboard with his capture weapon.

“Gentle, ‘Zashi,” he murmurs when the blonde crawls up on the bed beside you. “Nothing too rough.”

You wake as long fingers caress your cheek, tilting your face towards him so he can kiss you properly.

Shouta hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights, but bathed under the soft glow of moonlight from your window, he watches your eyes flutter open, the momentary confusion that flashes across your face followed by realisation, horror, as you try to jerk back and cry out–

Only Hizashi doesn’t give you the opportunity, winding his hand through your tresses and anchoring you against him, forcing your lips open so that he can deepen the kiss and groaning appreciatively when a terrified whimper escapes you. 

You still haven’t noticed Shouta kneeling on the bed between your legs, too preoccupied by Hizashi’s tongue sliding against yours. “Relax, kitten,” he says, laying his palm on your thigh, letting his thumb glide over the smooth skin.

“Let us take care of our cute ‘lil baby mama, yeah songbird?” Hizashi adds, breaking away from the kiss with a lovesick grin.

Tonight is solely about you. Your pleasure, whether they have to tease it from you willingly or not.

Your tears are kissed away, your broken little pleas swallowed under ‘Zashi’s greedy lips as Shouta shuffles down the bed, nudging your thighs further apart so he can lie between them.

The keening cry that leaves you at the first stroke of his tongue against your warm sex is a thing of beauty.

Blood rushes to his cock as you writhe, and he tightens his grip as much as he dares to keep you locked in place as he delves in again. There’s little finesse to the way that Shouta eats your pussy – it’s a simple study of reactions; the way you gasp and shudder when the tip of his tongue circles your clit, the way your pussy clench and quiver around the muscle when he eases it inside of you, massaging your spongy walls.

Never one to be left out, Hizashi decides that there’s a better use of his attention than just your lips. With your arms bound, he’s not able to take your top off entirely so he settles with yanking it down, freeing your breasts.

“Fuck baby, you’re so pretty. Look atcha!”

Your tits must be tender and aching, because the moment Hizashi’s mouth envelops one of your nipples, sucking at the pert nub, a fresh sob bursts from your lungs and you’re trying desperately to wriggle away.

Hizashi just frowns, breaking away for a second to brush a stray lock of hair back behind your ear, “Ah shit, sorry babe! I’ll be gentle, promise.”

Shouta’s far too preoccupied by the intoxicating taste of your sweet cunt to notice whether he actually does or not, but he trusts him not to push you too far. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.

Your baby bump is cute and all, but Shouta wishes that it wasn’t blocking his view of your face – he wants to watch every little expression as he slides two thick fingers into your dripping cunt and your hips buck up to meet him. It’s a twisted kind of pride he feels, pride fused with filthy, maddening pleasure as he pulls a string of choked moans from you with just a few shallow thrusts of his fingers.

His jaw’s slicked with your juices, your cunt sucking his fingers deeper when he turns his attention back to your poor, neglected clit. He can tell that you’re close, not just from the needy whimpers and the way your muscles are tensing beneath him, but the desperate canting of your hips, rocking up against his face even as you beg for relief.

“Shouta, Shouta, please– oh god, please stop, p-please!”

He longs to wrap a fist around his throbbing cock, desperate to help relieve the burning ache deep in his gut as you cum for the first time on his tongue. Or better yet, maybe have Hizashi wrap that perfect mouth of his around his cock and suck him off–

But now’s not the time for him to be greedy. 

Rough fingertips prod at your walls, searching for that hidden little spot that’s gonna make you go wild–

You almost convulse when he finds it, and Shouta can’t help but smirk against your cunt as you tighten and quiver around his digits. With Hizashi playing with your tits, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses along your neck, Shouta’s lips wrapped around your clit, tongue flicking at the sensitive pearl as he suckles on it and long, thick fingers driving you to madness with each and every stroke, it’s too much for your poor, pregnant, oversensitive body to handle.

You cum with a strangled shriek, and Shouta almost moans at the flood of juices that gush from your trembling cunt onto his waiting tongue. 

“How’s she taste, baby?” Hizashi asks, green eyes blown wide, his own erection straining against his leather pants. 

Shouta doesn’t waste a beat, pushing himself up with one arm and grabbing his husband’s wrist with the other, yanking him into a fierce kiss – letting him taste your honeyed juices on his tongue.

Fingers tangle in dark locks, tugging him closer, and ‘Zashi lets out a low, throaty groan. It’s rough and eager, a slow burning frenzy that makes the blood in his veins sing with excitement. With their lips still locked, the blonde hastily yanks at the zipper on his pants, freeing the painfully hard member with a tight hiss. 

But when he finally does break for air, it’s not Shouta that he addresses, but you, lying spent, crying and breathless between them, beautiful in your fucked out state.

“You can’t expect to put on a show like that and not get me all worked up, sweet thing,” he coos, taking his flushed, throbbing cock in hand and giving it a few slow, cursory pumps. “I’m gonna fuck ya so good, baby – have you singin’ like a little birdie for me,” his eyes meet Shouta’s, a wicked smirk tugging at his lips. “Nothin’ but the best for our cute ‘lil wife. Whaddya say, songbird? Lemme make you feel all nice and special, yeah?”

[shotorozu]

BABE , i saw a hc ( i think it was urs) where the boys’s s/o was really fashionable, ( as somebody that’s gone viral on pinterest a little too many times ) I WAS WONDERING , what if you did a todobakudeku ( separately please omg) with somebody that’s like the emma chamberlain of fashion and they own everybody’s pinterest boards and stuff AHAHA IDK , the amount of times somebody has said ‘ wait ur that one pinterest girl right?? ‘ ANYWHAHEEIE I LOVE YOU N HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! 💗💗

pinterest famous s/o

character(s) : midoriya izuku, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, they/them pronouns (at the request of anon) strong quirk hinted; not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack-ish (x reader)

note(s) : thank you anon!! so ok, i still used they/them pronouns even though the reader is afab (again at the request of anon) and whdjwkd sorry for the inactivity :,) also im gonna post more later so— sorry for the delay

»»————-　♡　————-««

midoriya izuku

when middle school midoriya finally got a phone, he downloaded pinterest for the sole purpose of looking at screencaps of heroes

but then, he hasn’t touched it a few months, because he’s been training with all might

then, when he finally had enough free time again— he decided to go on pinterest

but instead of finding any heroes he could look at, he found the prettiest human being he has ever seen in his entire life 💀

that person was a different type of beauty, y’know— they weren’t just fashionable, but their beauty was,,

timeless? that’s how he’d describe it. yeah. that person lived in his head rent free for a while

sadly, he feels like you’re that person he sees once in his life, and never again 😔　which isn’t the case

when he finally meets you, midoriya realizes that you look VERY familiar— someone on pinterest, that he unfortunately, didn’t know the name of

but then wait! he realizes that you’re that person. that one person that blew up on pinterest, and ended up in all of the fashion boards.

okay, you’ve been recognized a few times in the past, just because you were pinterest famous— but you didn’t expect him to recognize you

“wait,, you know me?” you asked him when you saw the realization sink in

and you were honestly,, flattered when he went on a tangent on how you were on all of the pinterest boards, and how your sense of fashion was timeless

but you know what’s the best thing of it all? when izuku developed a crush on you (and not because he thought you were just an attractive face)

it was very easy to find pictures of you online! he says it’s for research but,, he tends to look at them for a long time

probably has 3-4 pages dedicated to your hero costume— since fashion icon = fashionable, yet a very practical hero costume!

does he get jealous whenever people fawn over your looks, or whenever he sees comments in pinterest comment sections just asking for your socials in such desperation?

hmm,, yes? he does occasionally feel like someone like you, should be with someone as equally beautiful as you

he thought he was always plain looking, but you wholeheartedly disagree! in fact, you fell in love with his ability to pay attention to detail.

to the random creeps in the comments section, he just contacts the uploader and asks them to delete any malicious comments and it works 100% of them time.

on the brighter side, he helps a lot with taking your pictures (if you ask him to) and sometimes! he’ll even appear in them

izuku will always be your #1 fan!

bakugou katsuki

at first, you’d be like “katsuki owning pinterest? naaah.” but! i think he would

being an all might fan, he liked looking at all might screen caps— and while katsuki would be on the discreet side, he’d find himself looking at them whenever he has extra minutes to burn

not to mention, the cooking recipes on there aren’t the worst, so he doesn’t just use pinterest to look at screen caps of heroes doing their work

and, how could he forget that you’ve been bugging him to search for rare screen caps? he says that it’s useless— but he finds himself digging for you anyway,

which is whyyy

he finds an entirely different rabbit hole, and it’s way past 10pm, 3 more minutes wouldn’t wound him.

the blond doesn’t know how he even stumbled on.. this side of pinterest. the one that kind of hurts his eyes.

the more well known side of pinterest, that is covered in pictures of fashion boards, and the standard pretty person.

the ‘aesthetic’ side, kaminari calls it— it makes bakugou cringe, and he was just about to refresh his page

when he spots something familiar, it’s you‼️ well it wasn’t just you but, you were dressed in something,, nice.

like sure! you’re attractive. but that’s not why he’s dating you, there’s a lot of reasons as to why

but, he’s baffled. seeing you in a different light, and in such nice clothing, what more, when he sees that you’re actually everywhere. he hasn’t seen this much of you and your attractive ass before

katsuki told himself that he was going to sleep a few minutes ago, but now? he’s left admiring all of your pictures.

how did he not know that his s/o’s pinterest famous? you’re practically in every single board!

he confronts you the next day in an oddly weird manner, “you didn’t tell me you were famous on that stupid pinterest app.”

you’re sheepish, “welll, i didn’t know that you were going to stumble on that side of pinterest!”

he doesn’t say anything, and really! it looks like he doesn’t care about the newest discovery of his s/o

but he shows his feelings in his own way.

like, how katsuki insists that he finds a new outfit that you’d absolutely love— one that’ll fit with your aesthetic

and that he insists that he does your graphic liner, because you’re going to ‘poke your eyes out’

makes an entirely different account to reply to those simps and creeps in the comment section, sort of like

random pinterest user : “the things i’ll do to be crushed by them 💦”

pinterestuser461903 : “go touch some fucking grass.”

also would’ve commented “your art sucks” at the poorly done drawings of you in the comments, but knows you appreciated the art— so he doesn’t

(still thinks the fanart doesn’t do you enough justice)

he’ll be super proud when someone notices you in person like “yeah that’s fucking right, but too bad they’re super attractive and way out of your league.”

in short, it looks like katsuki doesn’t care at all about your pinterest famous life, but he’s your #1 supporter

todoroki shouto

i am certain for this one— he doesn’t have pinterest

well, he didn’t have pinterest, until midoriya convinced him to create an account, but it kinda just ended at that

but the person that actually made him use pinterest was sero, because he kept bugging him to give it a try

todoroki finds the app very practical— he can find screen caps of heroes in action, and he can also find oddly helpful tips in cooking (and in anything)

but sero was like “todoroki, what about the aesthetic value??” and todoroki didn’t really get that part to be honest 💀

todoroki, being clueless didn’t know what to search for— so sero being the wonderful friend he is, helped him search for it

and that’s when it happened. it didn’t take that long, but they eventually found an entire section just full of pictures of you; their classmate and crush

“is that Y/N?” mina notices what they’re looking at, and she observes the picture “oh wow— it is her! no wonder why she looked familiar.”

“it’s impressive! our classmate is pinterest famous!” they continue to look at every single post in each board, and todoroki’s left to observe in silence

he has definitely taken a liking to you, even if he didn’t realize it at first— he liked you because of your hard work when it came to training, personality and patience, not because of your looks

obviously, todoroki thinks that you look good in anything, trashbag style or not. but seeing you in this light was interesting.

so after training, todoroki would spent a good portion of his time scavenging for more pictures— not because he was obsessed or anything

but because,, he really liked your pictures. maybe it was because without you in those pictures, it would feel incomplete

he didn’t know how to approach you after this discovery, which is why he’s glad that you approached him first

“todoroki! what are you looking at?” you took a peak at his screen, and you’re baffled to see yourself, and that very famous picture of you

he’s quiet for a second when he realizes that you’ve caught him staring at your pictures, but he explains calmly, “sero accidentally discovered your pictures,, and i just wanted to take a peak at them, if it was okay,,”

and he’s relieved— well, you’re also relieved. you didn’t know how your crush would react if he ever saw those pictures, but your heart skipped a beat knowing that he enjoyed looking at them

“it’s alright todoroki,” you smile, honestly over the moon as you spoke “i’m really glad that you like them.”

sometimes you’d get shy whenever he’d go on pinterest just to look at your pictures, “todoroki, not that one! that one was really old,,” is what you’d say whenever he’d look at your older photos but he’d still look at them anyway 💀

at first, todoroki helped you in his own subtle way. since he’s quite the fashion icon— he’d recommend you clothes to wear for future pictures

he eventually confessed— and it was because you were talking to him while he was really tired, and he blurted out that he really, really liked you and you almost passed away because of his words

so yeah— it was a case of secretly admiring their beautiful best friend to lovers scenario

he’d go the full mile when it came to taking your pictures. he’d check the weather forecast just in case if it was going to rain for that date, and impromptu picnic photoshoot

that boyfriend that has pictures of you in his photo gallery, and has a backstory for each photo if anyone were to ask

also that boyfriend that knows how to take pictures, will probably even lay down to take them, even if you didn’t kindly ask him to

when you asked him to join the picture, he didn’t really know how to— but he made it work! and the both of you guys went viral

but this isn’t all one sided, no— whenever you guys would cuddle, shouto would simply stare at you with HEARTS in his eyes,

and even before he leans in for a kiss, he’ll stare at you with so much love in his eyes, while he traces his thumb across your cheekbones. man’s in love— you’re gorgeous.

he knows that you know that he’s not with you because of any ulterior motive, you both have mutual trust in each other— so it’s not something you guys will bother on questioning because you’re both hot asf lets be real

he’s not uncomfortable whenever people gawk at you in public— i mean, you two get stares on the regular. and how could they not stare at you? you’re very attractive, and he’s glad that people recognize that

but he’ll get protective if they’ll try to be a threat to your loving relationship with him, he won’t be afraid to be blunt

regarding the comments on each pinterest post— he hates it when people say things out of the line

always tries to hide them from you so you don’t feel bothered by them, but if you knew about them— he’ll be sad :,(

but he’ll end up mass reporting those nasty comments— and they always get taken down, because of the shouto todoroki luck

in short? man’s whipped, and the both of you guys are SO attractive together— what more if people knew about the om chemistry?

really— you being pinterest famous was just a nice plus, he fell in love with you for you

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What do you think it would be like if Bella decided, as soon as she found out about Victoria in New Moon, to ask Carlisle's old friends the Volturi for help?

Interesting premise anon.

As usual, I feel the need to explain why this wasn't on the table (yes, I know, I know).

Why Didn't Bella Go to the Volturi in New Moon?

Bella spent most of New Moon a depressed blob. Specifically, when she finds out about Victoria via Laurent, she's at her lowest point. Jake has dumped her for seemingly no reason (with the 'it's not you, it's me' speech no less), Edward's still not around, and being Bella still sucks.

When Laurent comes across her, while she half-heartedly follows Hallucination Edward's instructions to keep her alive, she's mostly just there accepting her fate. Get eaten by a rando vampire, typical.

Laurent then gets eaten by giant wolves and Bella gets home. She remembers Laurent talking about Victoria but Bella's so low functioning it's not even really a concern. By the time it is, Bella's in on the wolf secret and she counts on them to protect her, Charlie, and the town of Forks.

Even then Bella doesn't really fully appreciate the danger she's in. She'd like not to get eaten by Victoria, sure, but that would be just Bella's luck, wouldn't it?

Point being, Bella never views Victoria as a huge problem she has to somehow solve. Which means, of course, she doesn't have to brainstorm solutions.

Well, say Bella doesn't find out about the wolves (too low functioning to put Jake's strong hints together) or else that they don't have the deluge of shifting and it's just Sam out there. Say that Bella's aware enough to realize that Victoria could probably kill her at any point and may come after her father or Renee.

I don't know if the Volturi would be the first people that come to mind.

Bella was introduced to the concept of the Volturi once, and very vaguely at that. Edward showed her a painting, said they were Carlisle's old friends, oddly sophisticated vampires who very much still eat people and are patrons of the art and... sort of a royal family who impose this law that humans can't know about vampires. Edward was extremely vague and not very helpful.

Partly because Edward is breaking the law right in that moment and doesn't want Bella to realize that he's sentencing her (and his entire family) to death should he be caught.

So, Bella in New Moon doesn't really understand what this law thing is about, but she does know that she might be breaking it and that they might eat her. That, and Victoria might not be breaking the law herself, eating people is not against the law and that's all Victoria really wants to do here.

Bella has no idea that Victoria has a newborn army in the works yet.

Running to three dudes in a painting is probably not a great idea.

Let's AU Anyway

But alright, Bella spends several weeks thinking about this. She doesn't know about the wolves or else she knows they're vastly outnumbered and in no condition to protect the town from a wrathful vampire. Victoria wants Bella dead and could very well come after Charlie and Renee. She could hold the entire town hostage.

Bella either can sit and die in Forks, the most depressing thing she can think of, or she can try to get help.

She'll probably still die, but at least she'll be in Tuscany, she can die with a glass of wine in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. And if Bella's eaten by some other vampire then Victoria will probably go away, right?

Bella says, "Tally ho" and purchases herself a plane ticket and winds up in Volterra, picks the most vampire looking building she can think of (happens to be right), says she's an acquaintance of Carlisle Cullen's to the shockingly human secretary.

Aro then has the weirdest interview of his life.

Bella tells him the censored version of how she and the Cullens came into each other's worlds (made very difficult as Bella can't say the name "Edward" out loud). Bella explains that they left her because she's stupid and human and that now the vampire who was trying to kill her last year is back to kill her again and she is literally out of options.

She realizes Aro doesn't have to do anything, probably won't, but she figured if she was going to be eaten by a vampire she'd go with the option of Not Victoria.

If Aro wants to kill Victoria too before she eats Forks that would also be great.

Aro explains that this is a little more complicated. Since Edward let Bella in on the secret it was Edward's job to either kill her or turn her, he was never supposed to run away (what the hell, Carlisle?)

Bella's also right in that this Victoria person isn't technically breaking Volturi law, sadly, and it says a lot about vampires, but murder is very kosher. Especially murder of humans. Ordinarily, Aro would not intervene.

However, Bella seems to have an extraordinary gift, Aro considers himself a very close friend of Carlisle's and any friend of Carlisle's is a friend he can and will help, and this is just the saddest story he's ever heard.

So here's what they'll do: They'll turn Bella, she can stay here in Volterra (a position in the guard is open if she wants it) or if she wishes Aro can call Carlisle so she can join the Cullens (Bella hard passes on that one), Aro will send out someone to take care of this Victoria person and ensure her father and mother's safety, and everything will be alright.

Bella did not realize being turned into a vampire was even on the table. She is down for that and asks if Aro can bite her right that second. Aro just sort of stares.

Bella gets turned that evening.

Caius is beyond pissed that they're cleaning up Carlisle's messes but Aro points out that this is a pretty sweet deal. Bella shows unbelievable potential and what's taking care of one stray vampire?

Well, he sends someone out to find this Victoria and, lo and behold, she was building a newborn army. The newborn army gets massacred almost immediately by Jane, Aro thanks his lucky stars Bella came before Victoria set these people on any city, and eventually Aro probably calls up Carlisle to tell him.

Bella doesn't really want to see him (or Edward, definitely not Edward), but Aro went ahead and turned her and now she's in Volterra. You're welcome, Carlisle.

Carlisle decides it's better not to tell Edward.

Of course, this goes awry when Edward eventually returns to Forks and hears reports of Bella's death. He heads to Volterra, intent on killing himself, and there's Bella. Standing right behind Aro, looking like a vampire demon.

Their reunion is very very awkward.

Especially as, blaming himself for Bella's sudden case of vampirism, Edward still tries to goad the Volturi into killing him. Bella never quite recovers from the idea that, apparently, the idea of Bella being a permanent fixture on this earth was enough for Edward to want to kill himself.

[catcze]

I, personally, believe that Scaramouche would be (yes rough in bed) but also in someways gentle.

Hest not used to affection and love and all of that, I'm assuming, but when he first finds it in his s/o, he would do everything in his power to not lose it. Even though he seems in denial and very defensive about it.

I've seen a lot of nsfw stories on Scaramouche being, almost mean in bed. But I believe he'd really try his best to be gentle and give his s/o the pleasure they want, and not just his own pleasures. Yes, he'd get cocky af. But not in anyway to piss of his s/o.

~Beans anon

My brain is busted and for some reason is fixated heavily on the fluff part in comparison to the h word part I––

oOh Imo, I think Scaramouche could actually be either be rougher or softer depending on stuff, but I totally agree that Scara is deffo capable of being gentle with his s/o who he feels love and affection for. It's very possible for Scara to get addicted to the warmth that blooms in his chest whenever his s/o shows him the care and love hadn't had much of. And it's strange and foreign to him, but he find that he ––Oddly–– wants to reciprocate in his s/o's soft gestures and sweet love, too.

He might not admit it to you aloud, but you can see the extra effort he's making into being kind to you when his brow furrows with concentration as he tries to kiss you softly, when his hands (as clumsy as they may be in this moment) try their best to be gentle when they grasp your hips and rub soothing circles into your skin.

Scaramouche may deny it when you ask if he had specifically passed by the restaurant you liked, even though it was out of his way and he was probably tired, but you know the truth. I don't think Scara is in-touch with his feelings enough to be able to say this stuff outright, I guess. He can't make grand gestures of affection or announce his love from you from the tops of the hills, but that's okay–– you never doubt his love for you anyway.

You can see how much he cares for you in the small things that he denies has any significance. There's the simple yet pretty jewelry he had bought you when he had to leave for Sumeru, though he said you didn't have to wear it if you don't want to (when you asked him to help you put it on, he definitely wasn't smiling to himself) there's also the way that he always makes sure that there's food that you like around the house–– he never lets your stash run dry, and if it ever does, he conveniently has to run an errand out near the market, anyway, so he might as well buy you some. The softest moments occur late at night though, when you're curled up in the sheets and it's merely the light of the moon left to illuminate your bedroom. Those are the moments when Scara basks in the easy tranquility the most. It's when he doesnt hesitate to wrap his arms around you and pull you back into his chest. He doesn't fear rejection when he buries his face in your neck and breathes in your scent, nor when he feels your hands come up to rest over his own. The only thing he feels in those moments are the overwhelming love he has for you, threatening to bubble over the rim of his heart and spill out. These times are when the 'I love you's come easiest for him, and when his heart beats the fastest when you say 'I love you too.'

[theotheroccassionalfanficwriter]

Heyhey! I think the cryo archon chlde one. Sorry for not being specific. Thank you

It's okay anon! No problem! This one has no smut and more murder couple and politics. I had fun writing this, thinking about how could you get kidnapped under lock and key and realized that it could only happen if it was allowed to so ta-da!

CW: descriptions of cruelty and gore.

The curse words, in order, are: bitch and whore

--

In a Quiet Lagoon, Devils Dwell

Summary: It was easy to forget that there was more to the Cryo Archon's face than a besotted husband and loving father. It was easier to forget that the beloved Tsaritsa was a dutiful Harbinger.

For all of Tartaglia’s meticulousness, he was not infallible as his worshippers made him to be. You knew that there were times he could be blindsided by things he didn’t take into consideration. As his wife, you took it upon yourself to ensure to cover for his blind spots, both in the battlefield and in running Snezhnaya. It required meticulous planning from both him and yourself, to ensure that the work would not interfere with your family’s life.

Tartaglia and his harbingers dealt with Snezhnaya’s foreign relations and problems. You dealt with the domestic problems; spies and dissidents that partnered with the Abyss Order, the occasional gods that wanted to dethrone Tartaglia, and on very rare occasions, traitors.

You cocked your head as you observed the room you were held in. Fine furnishings and lavish interior designs that were popular among the upper middle nobility of Snezhnaya. You were glad that your beloved son was with Tartaglia since it meant that you’d be able to get information out of this.

‘Well, at least before this reaches his ears’ You thought as you dreaded the bloodbath that would await you once this was over.

You stood up from the bed, gauging your current strength and frowning at the visible after effects of the drug.

“How troublesome”

You couldn’t locate your vision at your person, you applauded your captors for being thorough in that regard but pitied them for their worthless effort. You wobbled as you slowly walked around the room, inspecting the decors and checking out the windows. The door was locked with magic, you could tell with a cursory glance that the magic was intricate and would result into a backlash if opened with brute force.

‘Smart’ you praised them.

You moved to the windows and found the same magic. You sighed at the minor inconvenience this put you through. You could only forlornly stare at the white expanse of snow that was outside your window. The scenery was familiar to your eyes but its name eluded you.

‘And I wanted to welcome him when he returned.’

You sighed once more. Hoping that your captors would show themselves soon, you wouldn’t want to waste an opportunity to do some spring cleaning after all.

--

The moment Tartaglia returned to Zapolyarny Palace, the entire capital of Snezhnaya had drowned in his frosty wrath. He barely restrained himself from plunging the entire nation into frost, the thought of his darling son fearing him had kept him mostly sane. Pulcinella had taken his son away from the crime scene, a wise choice for the Harbinger if he wanted to keep on breathing.

Tartaglia could tell that the guards and maids stationed in your wing were all shaking. He spared no thought for them, postponing their inevitable demise for the kidnapping of his beloved wife.

“Your majesty” Dottore called from behind him.

Tartaglia kept on investigating the crime scene, scouring every detail so as to not miss any possible leads.

“The maids and guards have been questioned” Dottore reported, steeling himself to the cold hard stare of his Archon. Being subjected to it was suffocating, and he wondered how you could maintain eye contact with the Tsar when he was like this.

“I trust that you’ve brought me good news?”

The calmer Tartaglia was, the more pressure Dottore felt. His archon was fickle at best and volatile at worst. Most myths that surrounded him were almost never far from the truth and Dottore had no want nor need to be used as an example.

“Almost” He answered, “While we’ve yet to determine who is behind this attack we’ve narrowed down the list from the means used and there is ample reason to believe that the Tsaritsa has not been harmed.”

The silence was deafening. Dottore couldn’t wait to get out of Tartaglia’s warpath, seclude himself in his lab and experiment on the fools who had let this happen.

“Throw everyone stationed in this wing in the dungeons. Zapolyarny Palace will be in lock down” Tartaglia ordered as he moved out of your marital room and headed towards his former wing.

Dottore hastened to follow from behind, awaiting further orders now that the Tsar had made his move.

“Bring back everyone who entered and left the Palace. Those foolish nobles must have forgotten their place.”

For all of Tartaglia’s genial smiles and affable personality, it shouldn’t be forgotten that he was a man born to fight. One of the three archons from the original seven. A god who could stand toe to toe in the battlefield with Morax.

“As you command!” Dottore replied, face grim and yet he could not hide the excitement in his eyes. He had heard rumors, stories about the days when the entirety of the Snezhnayan ancient noble houses were almost culled in a blood bath.

There was no clear reason on why it had happened and no one dared to ask. But the one detail that remains in every iteration of the story was that the blood from those nobles were the reason for the odd patterns on the low parts of the wall of old establishments within the capital. Patterns that oddly resembled blood stains when seen from a certain angle.

--

You hummed as you saw the snow storm picking up from outside, a visible sign that Tartaglia had already learned your disappearance. You remained at your position by the window, back turned to the door as you listened to the rushing footsteps that were getting closer.

‘I do hope they can amuse me’ You thought just as the doors banged open behind you.

“How did you contact the Tsar?!”

‘Oh~ so it was them?’ You thought with mild amusement, you didn’t bother turning around to greet them.

“Is that the proper tone to use when speaking to your Tsaritsa?” You mocked them, eyes watching their angry face from the window’s reflection.

Behind you was the Count Potemkin, current head of the ancient noble House of Potemkin. Standing beside him was one of your former fiancé candidates, the heir apparent, Matvei.

“Answer me, you disgusting Сука!” Potemkin cursed making his way towards you.

You slowly turned around, a smile on your face just as he reached out to grab you. Before he could even breach your personal space his hand was pierced by ice protruding from the ground. He screamed in agony, clutching his arms as he squealed like a pig.

“Gosh, would you lower your voice? It’s unbecoming for such an ancient bloodline to act like an animal” You chastised as you took a step back and observed the damage.

“Ah, what a shame, I didn’t break your wrist at all” You commented as if you had not precisely calculated to pierce his hand through the most excruciating way.

“You Блять! Let my father go!” Matvei cursed as he struggled on his restraint “You’re no match for our family’s knights!”

You blinked at his words, tilting your head to the side, as if considering his words. He smirked on seeing your action, “That’s right! Even if you’re a harbinger you’re still just one person!”

“Would you stop squealing like a pig? It’s been minutes now, you should have gotten used to the pain!” You turned around to shut Count Potemkin’s mouth. Ice formed on his mouth, starting from the tongue and making its way outwards.

“Ah~ That’s better!” You ignored the pale looks from the father and son, “If you behave, I might just let you keep your mouth but if your son keeps on pissing me off…”

You trailed off, maintaining eye contact with the Count. Your eyes were filled with malice and sadism, “My hand will slip and blow your brains out~”

You smiled, sweet and disgustingly vile as you made your way to the couch and sat in it. The snow storm outside had turned stronger, hail fell through the skies, mixing with the rapidly falling snow. Just from that alone, you could tell that your time to wring out information from them was running out.

“What reason did you have to attempt something as stupid as this?” You asked as you formed ice shards that floated on top your fingertips.

Matvei remained silent.

“Not talking anymore?” Every move of your body was designed to mock them, a display of power that showed how easy it was for you to trample upon them, “I just remembered, the Count was raising his precious daughter outside wasn’t he? A pretty blonde child with green eyes…”

Matvei flinched and stared at you in horror, dread pooling in the pits of his stomach as you spoke,

“Inessa Yakova Potemkin” You laughed softly, “No wonder the Countess died of anger, her dear stupid husband had acknowledge his bastard child, sent her to the palace to be a handmaiden.”

“Imagine what kind of face the Tsar would make if he knew how the Potemkin family insulted me by sending an illegitimate child as a handmaiden” Your ice changed its shape into a dagger, “Even if House Potemkin is an ancient bloodline, it doesn’t erase that your house is lower than my duchal household.”

Matvei screamed in pain as your dagger cleanly sliced off his left ear. You smiled at them coldly, “Start speaking, you should know by now that any resistance would only lead to a painful death...I can’t guarantee your darling sister would be spared from it either.”

In another life, you wouldn’t threaten another’s family. You would have shown mercy but this wasn’t that life. You were the Tsar’s wife, a Harbinger, and most of all the child of Snezhnaya’s strongest ducal house. A slight against you was a slight against everything you stood for.

“Time’s running” You reminded Matvei.

“We couldn’t let you threaten the Tsar’s power! You’re Lord Pulcinella’s niece, a child of House Yusupov. We needed to remove you from the seat of power, at first we planned to get rid of your child but all of our attempts were foiled.”

Another dagger found its way to his thigh. He screamed in pain, wet stain growing on his crotch and you clicked your tongue in disdain.

“Please that’s all we know!”

This time blood spurted out from his father’s left shoulder, some of it landing on you, some on the table in front of you. You didn’t flinch, merely wiping the blood that landed on your face with your gloved hand.

“Father!”

“Let’s do this again, shall we?” You smiled.

“I-I really don’t-”

Spikes of ice burst out from his right thigh.

“Duke Izmaylov! It was him who planned all of this! Duchess Tolstoy funded the operations! Please spare me!”

“How disappointing” You sighed as you made his father’s eyes burst.

You sneered in disgust as Matvei vomited on the marble tiles in front of him. You looked up as you heard heavy footsteps and the sounds of scream echoing beyond the open doors. Moments later, Tartaglia was visibly walking towards you from the other end of the hallway.

“Ah. Time’s up.”

You stood up from the couch and made your way towards your husband, the Tsar, Tartaglia. His cold eyes melted and looked upon you with relief, his hands patted your body, looking for non-existent injuries. You let him do as he pleased, both of you ignoring the dying count and the vomiting Matvei.

“I came as fast as I could” Tartaglia burrowed his face on your neck, ignoring the discomfort from the height difference between the two of you “I thought I’ve lost you.”

You felt your heart ache at his tone, your arms automatically hugging him in comfort, laying a soft kiss to his cheek as you spoke, “I’ll make sure that will never happen.”

You signaled the Fatui waiting behind him to start rounding up the two.

“We’ll have to clean up Two ducal households and five Countdoms” You reported as you gently and comfortably let Ajax’ hand settle on your waist as he led you out of the mansion.

“I’ll handle that. You should take a rest with Teucer, our son was worried today.” Ajax replied as softly as he could but the tenseness had yet to fade away.

You leaned further into his embrace, “Mhm. By the way, the insider was Inessa, you should get rid of all the staff that had a relationship with her. It wouldn’t do if one of her lovers got the idea to avenge her.”

“As you wish.”

--

Three months later the public bore witness to a new cruelty of the Cryo Archon. At Krasnaya Square, a stage was set up, in it were the shackled and chained members of several noble households. Some from the ancient noble houses, and the others from the new nobles.

Tartaglia had intentionally spread the news of your capture and subsequent rescue. He wanted to make a show of power, one you approved of, if only to ensure that his plans for world domination and eventual downfall of Celestia would run smoothly.

Teucer, your 5 yr old son, sat on your lap watching the proceedings from the balcony area. The two of you were surrounded by Fatui guards, new ones. The entire area was secured and security was tight, there was no way a rescue for the condemned would occur.

Tartaglia had made sure of that.

“Close your eyes, dearest” You whispered to your son’s ears.

From below, all of the traitors had blood bursting out of their heads, spikes protruding from the inside of their brains as Pulcinella finished declaring their crimes and their sentence. You hummed a soft tune as Teucer asked, “Mamochka, can I open my eyes now?”

“Not yet dearest, not until Papa comes back.”

You gazed down at the crowd, watching as they rejoiced at the culling before your eyes were drawn at the corner. You smiled at the familiar blonde hair of Inessa, your eyes merciless as she stared at you with hatred.

'Ah, how she must have looked like once she realize all of it was a sham~'

You waved at the crowd from the balcony, pleased that the nobles would now learn to step back in line. You felt your husband’s stare and gave him a loving look.

“Mamochka?”

You sighed in fond exasperation, you figured that he could look now that the bodies were being carted away, “You can open them now, give Papa and the rest a good wave okay?”

Teucer did as you said, more cheers erupting from the crowd upon seeing their beloved Tsarevich waving at them. From his position below, Ajax smiled warmly at the sight of his family being safe and sound. The sun shined brightly in Snezhnaya’s eternal winter.

An auspicious sign from their Cryo Archon.

[leviiattacks]

Head canons for mafia boss levi being interested in Starbucks barista reader please

note :: this idea is so cute i wrote a scenario i hope you don’t mind. i can still post some headcanons for it too if you really want me to! i’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted me to write anon :-( ALSO this is super casual writing it’s not like the way i usually write it’s just bullet points i mean idk i wanted to try something different and more relaxed lmk if this style is okay for some requests :D

if anyone would like any more requests with this levi please lmk!! i could go in more detail tbh maybe the pacing of this isn’t too good bc it is a short request but yeahhh

+ idk why the formatting looks so odd i tried my best to fix it myself ?!.!/!:£:& but yeah sorry again!!

levi has always been one to keep his business meetings lowkey

i mean, realistically who is going to suspect mafia boss levi is lingering in a starbucks???

the place is well-suited for his hushed meetings, he finds it to be quiet enough and clean enough

but then one winter everything changes

you start working there

he’s waiting in the queue texting erwin asking when he’ll be able to get there

it’s been a RUSH and the traffic is crazy as expected from the bustling city so he doesn’t expect to see erwin for a while

that’s when he hears you for the first time

“HEY!! Mister in the fancy suit it’s your turn to order”

your hands are placed on the counter and you lean forward eagerly waiting for what he has to say

levi rolls his eyes because he thinks you have to be ogling his designer watch and shoes (you really aren’t)

“black tea, no sugar and... a cinnamon swirl” he’ll order for erwin later. “i’ll be eating in.”

“ooohhh you’re a tea guy? name?” you’re smiling at him radiantly and it irks him because you have nothing to be smiling about really

eyes narrowing he responds “no shit, i just ordered tea.”

“and why the hell do you want my name?” he snaps on reflex

he then remembers he’s at a starbucks and you are not interrogating him, you’re doing your job

“sir... this is starbucks?? is this your first time here?”

you blink in confusion but then your face lights up “oh my, would you like to sign up for a starbucks card?? you can collect stars and get rewards and it’s so muc–“

“do i look like i need a starbucks card?”

“everyone looks like they need a starbucks card”

he doesn’t carry on that part of your conversation instead he looks you dead in the eyes “levi, is my name.”

his glare intimidates you and you awkwardly laugh

you think he’s probably having a super bad day and choose to not bother him that much

as he’s waiting he sees the way you clumsily navigate behind the counter, you’re juggling a number of things in your arms

automatically his face sours

he’s not expecting the tea you produce to be any good

he doesn’t care how nice you are if you can’t do what he wants he won’t be leaving a tip

he’s stingy like that

a clatter is heard and all the noise you’re making just makes you all the more aggravating

he’s been coming here for years and never has encountered a barista as bothersome as yourself

at some point you call out the name “SCROOGE!” from behind the counter, levi finds it embarrassing that anyone would ever call their child that

like... out of all the names this is what they choose??

damn they have to hate parenthood

“scrooge i’m begging you collect your drink.”

he looks up pissed that whoever this scrooge is has the audacity to hold you up because that by default means they are holding him up

then he sees you staring directly at him with that warm smile again

yeah, that smile, it could thaw ice

then it settles.

he’s scrooge?

turning around he notices no one is behind him then he sees that no one else is waiting apart from him

jaw clenching he heads towards you and makes it a point to “tsk” in frustration

he takes his cup and his cinnamon roll and you wave him goodbye

usually levi prefers to silently sit in the booth furthest from the action, he wants no attention drawn to him at all

but that day he finds himself sitting closer to the counter

he’s kind of stunned when he does that because he’s just sat there thinking why the hell did i just do that?? why did i sit here??

but he convinces himself it’s because he wants to see erwin when he’s about to walk in so he can prepare to scold him for not arriving on time

he takes a sip of his beverage expecting nothing above mediocirty but weirdly, your brew, it tastes perfect

levi’s eyes linger on you and he notices the way your behaviour is consistent

you’re helping an old woman pick what she’d like from the menu

you compliment her jumper, says it really makes her blue eyes stand out

you don’t have to be as nice as you are and it’s ticking him off

it ticks him off seeing someone so pure and sweet for no reason

when did people decide to not have ulterior motives anymore? did you decide those were too old school for you?

tongue poking at the inside of his cheek he activates his poker face and looks away

you, are a random person. a random, annoying person. he is going to stop thinking about you.

turning his attention to erwin instead he calls him and when he picks up levi makes his point very clear

“i was just called scrooge. get the hell here so i can order for you.”

erwin chuckles, his throaty laugh makes levi’s mouth twitch downwards in irritation

“and who exactly called you scrooge?”

“is that relevant?”

“very much so if you’ve mentioned it yourself”

levi is silent and erwin laughs once again at his colleagues anti social way of interacting

“i’ll be there in five, feel free to order.”

grunting a sound of approval levi hangs up

“you’re back! how may i help?”

the way you treat being a barista so seriously, he finds it oddly endearing

“one doubleshot iced coffee.”

nodding to yourself you hum a tune happily and get to work

ever since that day levi finds himself frequenting that specific starbucks more

at first it’s a whole lot of “i’m pissed and i don’t have a reason so i’ll go down there and have her annoy me, then i’ll have a real reason”

then you talk to him more and you both engage in small talk

then it develops when he doesn’t mean for it to

you tell him about what you study, where you’re from, how your mother has recently developed arthritis but she’s still so determined to cook to the best of her abilities despite the pain

that reminds him of you

each visit he learns something new about you

sometimes he’ll let you in on his life

“what do you work as, i’ve always wondered?“

“accountant.“ no way in hell is he going to scare you away, telling you isn’t an option

you burst out in laughter holding your knees

“accountancy is well paying what is your point...?”

“do you not know what that means” your laugh is muffled as you press the sleeve of your jumper against your mouth

he shakes his head completely clueless

“people say their accountants when they’re actually strippers. it’s a tiktok thing.”

you pause for a second staring at his face

he feels the way his ears grow red under your gaze but he ignores it looking as bored as ever

“ah well. i did not know that.”

“clearly not you are an old man.”

then you turn away to brew his tea and he lets the ghost of a smile sneak its way onto his face

you aren’t looking, it’s okay

but he knows it’s dangerous getting attached to you

it’s stupid relaxing

and it’s even worse loosening up

so he doesn’t.

he’s always cold, bitter and frigid in his responses as he’s always been with you

but that doesn’t stop you from kindly smiling

or absentmindedly brushing the surface of his skin on rare occasions

it doesn’t stop you from calling him scrooge

and it certainly doesn’t stop you from slowly thawing the frosty exterior of his heart

then one day you let the words “my scrooge” slip out of your mouth

he doesn’t know why he let’s it happen or even how it happens exactly but he can’t help the smile that makes itself evident on his face

“HEY YOU JUST SMILED HELLO?????? you can do THAT????”

he smiled in front of you, that’s it he’s fucked

he quickly drops it and is back to his normal narrowed glare

“i did no such thing”

you give him a knowing look but sigh airily there’s no point in getting the man to admit it

“what would you like today, a frappe?”

you ask the sarcastic question even though you know he hates change. his usual order is already ingrained in your mind. you know it off by heart

he sighs in exasperation

“is your memory really that bad?”

“nope. cinnamon rolls and black tea it is!”

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Hello there may I request the Dimitrescu daughters celebrating their s/o birthday, it’s my birthday today☺️

Happy belated birthday, anon!!! Wishing you many more happy (and hopefully less chaotic) years to come! Under read more for length.

Bela + Birthday

On one hand, she wants to be the first thing you see when you wake up. On the other hand, she’s got a million things planned, and no matter how much help she enlists, she’s bound to end up running late. So maybe she’s not the first thing you see, but she’s crawling into your bed before you have a chance to fully wake up. Wrapping her arms around you, murmuring ‘good morning’ and ‘I love you’ into your ears. Sleepy kisses all around<3

Will stay with you for as long as you want, but will ‘subtly’ encourage you to get up eventually, after all she’s spent the past month planning this day. It’s possible that she’ll end up slowly sliding out of bed, an inch a minute, saying ‘no more kisses until you get up’.

Once you’re out of bed, it’s time for a decadent breakfast. A whole buffet table filled with your favorites (the ones appropriate for this time of day, at least), with any servants you’re friends with being allowed to join in. If you’re not from Romania, Bela will go out of her way to have the cooks learn recipes from whatever country you grew up in. Might throw in a few non-breakfast items too. Mmmm, thinking about my family’s krumkake recipe now, so good<3

What happens next depends a lot on your specific personality. If you enjoy parties and social gatherings, there will be festivities in one of the castle’s larger rooms, again with any of your friends being allowed to join (even visitors from the village, should you wish to invite them). A large cake will be served, likely baked by none other than Ava Caldwell (please excuse my shameless OC mention).

If you’re more introverted, or shy, Bela will keep the gathering very small, likely just her family and you. There will be music, a few gifts from the family, similar but smaller treats. Less energetic, more casual and comfy family time.

Come lunch time, the two of you will have some private time again. Depending on weather/season, she’ll either take you for a picnic in the garden, or a quiet meal in the observatory. Think candles, lots of strategically placed flowers, warm blankets… all that cheesy stuff. Afterwards, she’ll let you take the reins for a bit. Essentially, you’ll spend some quality time doing your favorite hobbies together. Feel free to info dump/rant all you want, Bela will stare at you with love in her eyes regardless of the subject.

Once you’ve had your fun together, it’ll be time for dinner, which will once more be with her family. Everyone will be on their best behavior (under threat of blackmail, except for Alcina, who’s just, you know, a good mother who wants her daughter to be happy). Again the cooks will go all out for the meal, making whatever dishes weren’t appropriate for breakfast. There will probably be leftovers- unless, of course, you decide to let the other servants enjoy what you cannot finish.

Finally, before bed, Bela will let you open the gifts from her. The two of you will be in either her room or her private study, away from everyone else. She’ll have prepared 3 gifts for you. One will relate to your personal interests (a hobby, a movie/book series you love, etc), one will be something the two of you can do together, and the last will be something you can wear/keep on you to remind you of her (not that you could ever forget, really).

I’ll leave the detail of what happens that night to your imagination, dear reader, so as to not assume anything about *ahem* attractions, gender, or any possible… deviances (kinks, if that wasn’t clear). Regardless, there is cuddling<3

Cassandra + Birthday

Wakes you up, first thing in the morning, with kisses. Just crawls into bed with you and smothers you in somewhat sleepy affection. Do you know how hard it was for her to get up at this hour? Relatively! Which is why you’re not allowed to get up get up, at least not for a while. Mandatory girlfriend snuggles. No escape. If the two of you are, ya know, of the persuasion to do certain things… without clothing… then yeah, that’s probably also happening. Please don’t judge me, I’m tired (and asexual) and am trying to avoid this being unnecessarily ns/fw.

Doesn’t really want to share you at all, even on your birthday, but will let you mingle with friends/have a nice group breakfast if that’s what you want. Just expect to be sitting in her lap for as long as she can get you to, alright? Might tone it down if her family is around (okay, well, if her mother is around). Will pretend to judge people for whatever gifts they get you unless you specifically ask her to stop. Repeatedly whispers things in your ears to distract you, ranging from the audaciously inappropriate to “my gift is going to be so much better than that” to very sweet “I love you”s.

Lets you plan as much or as little as you want for your special day, though won’t hesitate to suggest things if you struggle to come up with stuff/can’t decide. Again, she’d prefer to spend as much of the day with you as possible, and would prefer your gatherings be very small. Like, maybe just the two of you. Going on a hike to your favorite spot, or painting together (even if you don’t know what you’re doing, because she’ll get nice and close to help ;) ), or just curling up with her somewhere cozy.

Whatever you end up doing for the day, she’ll probably have a servant pack you guys some lunches, so you don’t have to interrupt whatever you’re doing.

Dinner will be… a surprise. Planning is not her area of expertise, so Cassandra will enlist the help of her older sister, resulting in a romantic meal that, well, at least has hints of your girlfriend’s personality in it. Yes, she picked out the color of the napkins. Yes, the flowers she had asked for turned out to be poisonous, so yes they did have to swap them out last minute. Oops, you darn humans and your ‘mortal weaknesses’. Honestly, the display is very touching. She asked for help to do something nice for you<3

At the end of the night, she’ll take you to her art studio, where there’s a big painting that’s been covered up for a few days or so. She’ll pull the sheet off, oddly shy, and you’ll see it’s a lovely portrait of the two of you… except you’ll be wearing a necklace that you’ve never seen before. Which Cassandra will quickly pull out of her pocket, to give you as the second part of your gift :D

Cue a night of cuddling (and possibly other activities… such as sleeping).

Daniela + Birthday

Might as well bodyslam you first thing in the morning, honestly. She’s very excited, and loves you very much, and just wants to have some nice morning cuddling (and kissing). Solution? Make sure that she spends the previous night in the same bed as you. Seriously, it’ll save you a fair amount of pain.

Has the least planned of the three, despite having the most ideas, mostly because she struggles to actually organize things. Expect to spend however long you want in bed, just relaxing, probably still with lots of kisses and cheesy dialogue about how much she loves you. When you get up, however, the two of you will be surprised to see that Daniela’s family decided to help her get shit together.

There will be a nice breakfast, with your friends present, and Bela might even delay her own meal just to play some music for you. Afterwards, the family will give you their gifts. They won’t make you open them yet if you decide to save it for later, though, so no worries.

Then, you and Daniela will be encouraged to go out and have some fun. Which means a nice almost-picnic in the gardens, with less of a meal, more of some sweets/snackies. Cue more cuddling, and dorky poetry reading. The poetry will always start out serious… but by the end you’ll both be trying to find the lamest, cheesiest poems you can get, reading them to each other in increasingly ridiculous voices. Somehow you’ll end up reciting dirty limericks. Eventually you realize that Daniela isn’t even going through her books to find them, and is actually making them up as she goes. You’re not sure you want to know how she gained this skill.

Eventually you’ll head back inside, for lunch. At this point, there will be more music, some optional dancing, with a surprising amount of servants being allowed to just enjoy themselves. If parties aren’t your thing, Daniela will be more than willing to sneak you off somewhere more… private. For various reasons, you know. Doesn’t have to be anything more than cuddling. But this is Daniela we’re talking about, so…

The evening will mostly be up to you, with Daniela wanting to do whatever you want to do, even if it’s not something she’d normally enjoy. She just wants you to be happy<3

Dinner will be romantic, like with Cassandra, if admittedly far more chaotic. Still, it’s very lovely, and she’ll probably get adorably flustered as she tries to make things perfect for you. Expect her to get you multiple smaller gifts, and repeatedly mention that she wasn’t sure what to get you, so she kinda just… got everything. It might be best to reassure her that you mostly care about spending time with her. But, you know, also tell her you enjoy the gifts because she really did panic about them.

[kirbywritingfiction]

Make It Right

Hi! I was wondering if you could write an oddly specific scenario that I just came up with where you are about to have sex with idol jungkook in his hotel room (and you just met) but he gets cold feet because it’s a risk to his career, so you say that you understand and start to leave but as soon as you open the door he kisses you goodbye and realizes he actually wants you... and you can take it from there :) 

Took over an anon request from the inbox of my friend, Dee @btssmutgalore​

word count: 2.6k

genre/warnings: smut! pwp, oral (f&m receiving), fingering

masterlist

“Thanks for meeting me so late at night” Jungkook murmurs, peppering your neck with kisses. It’s 2am and you’re, out of all the places in the word, in Jeon Jungkook’s hotel room. “You’ve been driving me crazy all day wearing this damn skirt” he says nipping at your jawline and pushing your skirt up until it’s bunched around your hips. “And this damn sweater” he fingers the hem of your oversized knit top “such a tease to flash so much of your legs and make me want to see more” he pulls away to look down at you sitting on the edge of his hotel bed and bites his bottom lip.

“I’m glad I caught your eye” you smile as you run your hands up his chest and neck, gently gripping his hair to pull him in for a kiss. He’s quick to deepen it- swiping his tongue across your lower lip before biting it, and you let out a breathily laugh.

You feel him smile into the kiss as he asks, “What is it?” 

“Nothing” you reply out of habit, but pull away slightly to smile up at him. “I just can’t believe this is actually happening” you chuckle running one hand through the fringe of his hair. 

“What do you mean you can’t believe it?” Jungkook pouts slightly in confusion. “We’re both here and we’re both adults.”

“I know that, silly” you grin. “I mean, isn’t it every fan’s dream to catch the eye of their idol? To be -” you laugh, making air quotes “the one”

Jungkook tilts his head in amusement and reaches out to cup your face in his hands. “I need you to understand something” he crouches down in front of you. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but there can’t be any misunderstandings between us.” He purses his lips before continuing “I just need to be very clear. This is a one time thing, and you can never tell anyone about it. I’m not looking for anything more than a good time, and even if I was, it’s not something I can have with the position I’m in.” He looks into your eyes, and smiles softly. “Yes, you caught my eye and yes, you look absolutely delicious, but without sounding like a complete asshole - you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.” 

You nod silently when he says nothing else. “Don’t worry,” you reach up to hold one of the hands that cups your cheek “I understand you’re an idol, and I put air quotes when I said the one for a reason. I’m not delusional. I knew before coming that this is once in a lifetime and an absolute secret. I’m fine with all that. I promise you” You pull his face closer to continue kissing, and this time you’re the one biting his lip. 

Jungkook nods his head seemingly to himself and places a warm hand on your leg. He slowly drags a finger towards your inner thigh while the other slips under your sweater. You can tell the exact moment he realizes you’re not wearing a bra as his fingers dig into the soft flesh below your breasts and his hand stills on your leg. “How naughty for you to-” before he can continue a loud buzzing fills the room, and he grabs your phone from the pocket of your jacket lying on the floor near his feet. He tosses it on the bed after seeing it was turned off like he’d asked, and patted your leg before getting up and grabbing his own phone from the nightstand. 

You watch as he swipes the screen a few times, frowning as he types in a few quick words and locks it. Lips pressed in a tight line he looks over at you and runs a hand through his hair in apparent frustration.

“Everything alright?” you ask, immediately scolding yourself for asking something so simple and idiotic when it was obvious whatever he saw made him tense.

“I don’t think this is a good idea anymore” he sighs as he walks back over to the bed. “Some so-called fans found out where we’re staying and are staking out the hotel. We’re gonna have to relocate once the staff makes arrangements.”

“Wasn’t me” you hold up two hands to demonstrate your innocence, “Literally nobody knows where I am right now- like you could probably kill me and get away with it.” 

Jungkook actually laughs at that shaking his head so his hair ruffles out in soft curls, “Never said it was you, and I can promise you I have no interest in murder. I just can’t have you come to wherever we end up staying on the off chance someone sees you also changing hotels and starts rumors based on that.”

Sighing you stand up and pull on your jacket to face him, “So none of you get to get laid tonight... maybe even for the rest of this tour stop,” you frown, “all because someone leaked your hotel... Jesus that’s scary”

“Scarier when they try and break in” he smiles at you sadly.

You let out a shiver at the thought and reach for the handle of the door, “I’m sorry you guys have to go through that, and I promise the majority of us do know and respect what boundaries are”

Jungkook walks over to you and stops you from leaving by placing his hand over yours “We know, but thank you all the same. Sorry this couldn’t happen, but let me just have this at least” He leans down and gives you a lingering kiss, “God, I wish I could’ve had you all night long” 

You press your thighs together as his words wash over you, and flick your tongue lightly over his bottom lip. Instead of ending the kiss like you thought he would, Jungkook deepens it with a held-back groan. Pressing you into the door he shoves his tongue in your mouth. You quickly suck on it, teasing it like you would the tip of his dick and feel him harden fully against your stomach “Ahhh… fuck it… we’ll just have to make this quick” His hands squeeze your butt as he lifts you up and walks you both back to the bed, never breaking the kiss before climbing on top of you. He lets out a low moan when you lightly tug his hair, so you do it again before gasping as his hand brushes teasingly over one of your clothed nipples. “Mmm, let me see a little more” he smirks and places a supporting hand on your arched lower back while the other removes your jacket and pulls your top off. 

“You too” you gasp as his mouth closes around a nipple effectively shutting you up, but you reach out towards the hem of his top and manage to get it off him as he switches his ministrations to your other breast. “I thought you said we’d have to be quick” you pant, thrusting slightly to rub up against him in an attempt to get some amount of relief to the wetness that’s quickly built up. 

“Not gonna apologize for getting lost in such an amazing pair of breasts, but I am dying to taste you just a little.” Jungkook’s words tickle your abdomen as he slides down to your hips, and flips your skirt up. “I guess we need to get rid of these” he slides off your soaked panties, and you tremble in anticipation as his breath skims over your exposed center. Holding your gaze, he licks a strip up to your clit, slowly and teasingly circling around it with the tip of his tongue before dipping back down. Eyes rolling back with pleasure, you fist the sheets and focus on the feeling of his mouth as he simultaneously sucks and traces a steady series of circles and swirls.

“Let me hear you” Jungkook orders when he sees you biting your lip to keep your noises to a minimum. When you don’t immediately release your lip, he slips a finger inside of you as he lets his teeth delicately graze your sensitive bud. Your hips buck against his mouth at the sensation and you reach down to bury your hands in his hair as he adds another finger to the one already moving inside you. You finally let out a series of increasingly loud moans, and he smiles against you as he feels your walls clenching around his fingers. You feel yourself tightening and teetering towards the edge of bliss with each pass of his tongue against your clit, and Jungkook can tell the exact moment you start to come undone when your gasps and moans turn into continuous pleas of his name and your head falls back onto the bed as you unconsciously press his face harder against you. His only response is to hum in approval and still his tongue, letting you take control. You grind against him chasing the ever-warming pulsing of your core when he ever so slightly curls the fingers inside you, finding your sweet spot and making you cry his name out as each wave of pleasure passes through you. 

Slowly, the trembling in your thighs ceases and the hands you’ve fisted in his hair relax. “I can tell that was just as good for you as it was for me” Jungkook pulls away and grins proudly before licking his lips and wiping away the wet mess across the lower half of his face. 

You hum contentedly in affirmation and sit up while patting a spot on the edge of the bed next to you. “Let me show you how much I enjoyed it” you slip off the bed while raising your brows playfully at him.

Jungkook’s eyes close momentarily as his tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip. He walks over to where you kneel next to the bed and looks down at your expectant face. “God that’s hot” he mummers, quickly undoing his pants and dropping them. 

You blink a few times and look back up to see his smile has turned into a cocky one. He strokes himself once. Drawing your gaze slowly from the precum leaking at his tip, down the veins running along his thickness, to the balls he now cups. “What’s wrong?” It’s his turn to raise his eyebrows at you, a playful hint of mock concern in his voice, “I thought you were going to show me something?”

The slight derision in his tone has heat quickly pooling low in your lower belly. You meet his challenging stare and take him in your hand before slowly leaning forward to lick the precum leaking from his swollen tip. His eyes flutter closed and you envelop the head of his cock with your lips, flattening your tongue against the veins running along the bottom of his shaft as you slowly take more of him in your mouth. Angling him slightly upwards, you press the head of his cock against the roof of your mouth as you slide along his length. Silent pride fills you as you watch his lips part, head tilt back, and he slowly sinks to sit on the edge of the bed. You follow his movements and hollow your cheeks around him when he hits the back of your throat. 

“Oh my… fuck” Jungkook growls with an involuntary thrust that pushes him shallowly into your throat.

You pull away slightly at the unexpected intrusion, but the motion of you sucking away has him reflexively thrusting into you again. Relishing the slight texture of the top of your mouth he bites his lip and places a hand on the top of your head. You hum around him in approval and his shallow thrusting gets deeper, picking up in pace. With a tap on his hip, Jungkook pulls out of your mouth completely asking if you’re okay.

“Of course, but let me see something…” you trail off before guiding him all the way to the back of your mouth and to your relaxed throat. Breathing through your nose you suck Jungkook deeper, swallowing around the tip of his cock.

“Yes... just like that baby… Feels so good” he clenches his fists in the sheets to restrain himself from grabbing your head and fucking down your throat. 

Jungkook’s phone rings again, but you both ignore it as you bob your head faster, the wet sucking noises you’re making around his cock getting louder as you speed up. You feel a firm hand on the back of your head, and his fingers tangle in your hair as he looks to you for permission. You hum in response, relaxing your throat and neck further as he takes full control and starts thrusting faster and harder. It’s not long before he’s upped the pace and fucking your face properly, forcing your watering eyes shut as you choke around his girth. Both of Jungkook’s hands are firmly fisted in your hair and you can’t help but start touching yourself at the sounds he’s making. His harsh grunts punctuated by short moans and deep breaths seemingly coax your fingers down to your clit, until you’re moaning continuously around his cock, and fast approaching your second climax.

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna-“ Loud knocking at the door has Jungkook abruptly withdrawing his fully loaded cock from your mouth.

Namjoon’s voice echoes from the hallway. “Jungkook, you in there? You didn’t answer your phone so the manager is on his way to make sure you’re okay - we’re ready to leave!”

“Shit… SHIT!” Jungkook hastily throws his pants on, adjusting his now achingly hard member to be less prominent. you watch as he scrambles around the room collecting the few things he’s strewn about. Item after item is shoved haphazardly into his duffle, and he tosses your articles of clothing onto the bed in between. “Please, I need you to go to the bathroom now and get dressed” 

Without hesitation, but with a good amount of disappointment at the fun being ruined you grab your bag and run to the bathroom. From outside you can hear the door to the room open, and the sound of the manager starting to roll luggage into the hall. 

“I just need a moment to use the bathroom,” Jungkook calls after him. A few seconds later Jungkook slips into the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He walks over to where you stand now completely dressed and takes your hand in one of his giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry about all of this. I wanted to have more fun- go for a couple of rounds if you were up for it”

“I’m sorry too and I would’ve definitely been up for all the rounds, but I understand” you squeeze his hand reassuringly.

Smiling at you, Jungkook reaches over and flushes the empty toilet. “Turn on the tap for a minute, gotta keep everything smooth” he pats the air in a smoothing motion. 

“I’ll wait a few minutes before leaving” you turn the water on and nod towards the door, “You should go before someone comes back.”

“You're probably right” Jungkook pauses at the door and picks up your bag from where you dropped it on the floor in your haste to redress. “Don’t forget this on your way out” He gives you one last smile, placing your purse on the countertop before shutting the door behind him and disappearing. A few moments later, you hear the faint click of the room door opening before it shuts with an empty thud.

Sighing, you shut off the tap and pick up your purse before moving to sit on the edge of the tub to look for your phone and start timing when you can leave. Instead, you’re distracted by a folded slip of hotel notepaper. Brows furrowing in confusion you open it to find a Kakao ID scribbled down along with five words.

I can make it right

[robininthelabyrinth]

extra 3 for Tedious Joys

A/N: For all the anons who begged for the AU in which Lao Nie's stupid idea from extra 2 about a happy WRH/Lao Nie/LQR ever after actually works out, with specific shout outs to the ones who suggested (1) WRH as a bastard cat, (2) possessiveness, (3) erotic reading, and (4) that I couldn’t write WRH being anything but thoroughly awful, because so there.

A/N: warning for adult content

-

“Congratulations to you both,” Lan Qiren said, looking between Lao Nie and Wen Ruohan with what he was certain was an expression of utmost bemusement. “I don’t see why your decision to enter into a formal relationship merits a private announcement to me personally.”

“Formal relationship?” Wen Ruohan echoed.

“He means that we’re actually calling it a relationship instead of just skulking around in each other’s beds,” Lao Nie explained briefly, then turned back to Lan Qiren. “We’re telling you because you’re a critical part of it.”

Lan Qiren blinked.

“If I am to enter into a – formal relationship with Lao Nie,” Wen Ruohan said, his sneer expressing his thoughts on the matter of Lan Qiren’s wording choices, “he has made it clear that engaging with you is necessary.”

“Engaging with me,” Lan Qiren said.

“As an equal partner,” Lao Nie said, nodding.

“With…me.”

“Yes.”

Lan Qiren rubbed his eyes. “Lao Nie,” he said. “If I didn’t know better, this would sound a great deal like a husband introducing his first wife to his second.”

“Equal partner,” Lao Nie said, as if that was the problem. “It isn’t a marriage, so there’s no need to rank –”

“Lao Nie, we’re not married.”

“Aren’t you?” Wen Ruohan said, and Lan Qiren gaped at him. “Once you put aside the question of sex, which I’m given to understand you’re squeamish about.”

“I’m given to understand that that is a rather critical aspect in a marriage,” Lan Qiren said archly, ignoring Lao Nie’s mutter of it’s not squeamishness, he just doesn’t like it. “At any rate, I do not live with him, I do not bear him children –”

“You support him, you understand him, you are irrevocably associated,” Wen Ruohan said impatiently. “Of all other people, he would pick you first, and you him. You can use the term ‘sworn brothers’ if you prefer, but you must admit that your – formalized relationship with Lao Nie goes well beyond the usual intimacy of mere friendship.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Lan Qiren said, although on second thought he thought that perhaps it might be true. He had loved Cangse Sanren dearly, but it was very, very different from how he felt for Lao Nie.

Wen Ruohan snorted. “This is your problem,” he told Lao Nie.

“Our problem now,” Lao Nie said peaceably. “Qiren, I have no expectation of the two of us entering into a sexual relationship –”

Lan Qiren nodded, having not expected anything like that.

“Nor do I expect you to enter into a sexual relationship with Hanhan –”

Good.

“But I would appreciate it if you made an effort to get along a little better, at least for my sake. I care very deeply for both of you and would like to have you both in my life. At once. Without murder.”

Lan Qiren eyed Wen Ruohan, who eyed him right back.

“Well,” Lan Qiren said after a while. “I suppose?”

After all, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t already sharing Lao Nie’s time with him. This would simply be a further extension of that.

Nothing more.

-

“If it makes you uncomfortable –”

“I’ve already made clear that I don’t mind you two having sex while I’m in the room,” Lan Qiren said impatiently. “As long as I am not personally involved, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”

“See,” Wen Ruohan said. “It doesn’t bother him in the slightest.”

Lan Qiren ignored him. He’d found that that was the easiest way to deal with Wen Ruohan when he was in a mood – not entirely unlike the way he dealt with some of his more troublesome students, in fact.

“What if you’re the subject of conversation?” Lao Nie persisted.

“Conversation?” Lan Qiren said, frowning. “Do you often converse while – uh –”

Wen Ruohan sniggered. “Yes,” he said. “Quite a great deal. We can be quite noisy, even.”

“I can assure you I’m already aware of that,” Lan Qiren informed him, long-suffering. Wooden walls, even with insulation, were simply insufficient.

“We’re getting away from the main point here,” Lao Nie said.

“The main point being that you wish to involve me in your sexual antics, but from a distance?”

“…basically.”

“Antics,” Wen Ruohan said, looking pained. “We’re not twelve. Sect Leader Lan, can we not agree to simply say that we wish to objectify and sexualize you as part of our relationship, but that your personal participation is not required?”

“If we wish to be pretentious about it, we can,” Lan Qiren said, and Wen Ruohan blinked as if surprised that Lan Qiren had the capacity for even such a mild rebuke. “Yes, go ahead. It’s fine, I’m used to it.”

Now they were both blinking at him.

“Being objectified,” he clarified. “Even with being lusted over, fantasized about within my hearing, that sort of thing. It’s quite common, you know.”

“It…is?” Wen Ruohan said. He had now started blinking rather rapidly. “You often allow people to have sexual thoughts and conversations about you, then?”

“Oh, every day.”

“Every…day?”

“My students,” Lan Qiren explained with a faint sigh. “The majority of them prefer to imagine me as far away from being sexualized as possible, which I appreciate, but quite a few of them go so far as to end up on the other end – and of course they’re at that age when their thoughts tend to dwell on all matters connected with sex.”

“Oh,” Lao Nie said. “Your students.”

“That makes a great deal more sense,” Wen Ruohan said, nodding.

“What did you think I meant?” Lan Qiren asked, frowning at them both. “I’ll have you know that they are exceedingly indiscreet about it – in terms of conversation, or the notes they include in their books, or even in offers –”

“You’ve gotten offers?”

“Too many. I’ve refused, of course.”

“Poor children, I can’t blame them for trying,” Lao Nie mused. “You’re very commanding when you take charge of a classroom.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Wen Ruohan remarked. “Listening to Sect Leader Lan ramble on does not strike me as the most inspiring set of circumstances.”

“That’s what I’ve always thought!” Lan Qiren said. “It was always a surprise. I’m well aware that I tend towards toneless monotony – yet apparently there are people who find that attractive.”

“I would,” Lao Nie said at once, because of course he would. He’d find just about anything attractive, as long as it had the capacity to end his life…though what that said about his views of Lan Qiren’s lectures, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure. “I’d be very happy to get off to you reading out one of your lectures.”

“You are not tainting my lectures with your deviance,” Lan Qiren informed him. “I’m happy to read any spring book you like, but leave my lectures out of it.”

They were both staring at him again.

“What?” he said, suspicious.

“Would you really?” Wen Ruohan asked, leaning forward. His gaze was suddenly very intent, in a way that resembled the way he usually looked at Lao Nie. “Read us a spring book?”

Lan Qiren blinked. “If you like? I warn you, it’ll be in the same tone I do all my other readings.”

“That’s fine,” Lao Nie said. He, too, looked oddly intent. “Very good, even.”

“Very good,” Wen Ruohan agreed effusively.

“…very well then,” Lan Qiren said, now completely lost. “Go fetch one, then.”

He’d never understood what people saw in sex, and he was starting to think he never would.

Especially if they were all this ridiculous.

-

“You don’t actually need to keep me company just because Lao Nie told you to,” Lan Qiren said to Wen Ruohan, who was sitting across from him and refusing to leave.

“No, he won the bet fair and square,” Wen Ruohan said, looking sulky. “While this is not exactly the promise I had hoped he would extract, I will comply with his wishes to the letter.”

Wen Ruohan had probably been hoping for a kinky sex game, Lan Qiren reflected. It was a pity that the threat against Lan Qiren had come in so soon before their bet had been resolved – and that they had not yet identified who it was that had sent the threat, nor how serious it was – and Lao Nie was for some reason convinced that there were internal threats within the Cloud Recesses that needed to be guarded against.

Thus the request.

“Then I suggest you find a way to entertain yourself,” Lan Qiren finally said, looking down at the papers at his desk. He really did need to finish reviewing them all, and he had wasted enough time attempting to play host to a recalcitrant guest who didn’t want to be appeased. “I can order more tea, if you’d like…”

“No, no,” Wen Ruohan said. “I can entertain myself just fine.”

Lan Qiren was unfortunately familiar with that tone of voice, and was therefore unsurprised when Wen Ruohan began to undo his robes, albeit just enough to pull out his cock.

Personally, Lan Qiren would not find public masturbation with gratuitous leering to be entertaining, but then again, he wasn’t Wen Ruohan.

He peacefully did his work for a while, ignoring the sound of self-pleasure from a few feet away, but after a while – and it was taking a while, presumably because Wen Ruohan kept getting distracted by his irritation with Lao Nie – he couldn’t help but glance over.

He frowned.

“You’re doing it wrong,” he said.

Wen Ruohan’s hand stopped. “Excuse me,” he said. “What did you say?”

“You’re doing it wrong,” Lan Qiren repeated.

Wen Ruohan gaped at him. “Are you – you – attempting to instruct me in how to – this?”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, and Wen Ruohan’s shoulders relaxed – sanity and order returning to the world, no doubt. “I’m referring to your cultivation. You don’t have to share details, but you do use a yang-oriented cultivation method, do you not?”

“I do.”

“You have a small blockage in the meridian next to your neck,” Lan Qiren said. “It’s slowing it down. You should release it.”

Wen Ruohan concentrated, then frowned. “I sense no such blockage.”

“It’s only apparent when you’re flushing your meridians with yang energy,” Lan Qiren said. “Do both at the same time.”

Wen Ruohan scowled at him. “That’s easier said than done.”

Lan Qiren shrugged and put his papers down, standing up. “In that case, I will assist.”

Wen Ruohan’s eyes bulged slightly.

Lan Qiren walked over and settled down behind him. “Carry on, then,” he said.

“Assist with releasing the blockage,” Wen Ruohan said. “Right. Yes. That makes – more sense.”

And then he did carry on, because he was shameless like that.

Lan Qiren waited until he could see the blockage again, and then put his hands on Wen Ruohan’s shoulders.

Wen Ruohan flinched, and the energy dissipated.

Lan Qiren heaved a sigh. “Really?” he said, disapproving. “Is this the best you can do? Sect Leader Wen, please. You are a famous cultivator, far more powerful than me – I would expect your concentration to be better than this.”

“Right,” Wen Ruohan said. His voice was strangely hoarse. He started moving his hand again. “Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, Sect Leader Lan.”

Lan Qiren huffed, and noted that Wen Ruohan shivered. Perhaps he was sitting too close, and his breath had hit the back of Wen Ruohan’s neck, exposed as he curled forward over himself. “My request from you isn’t exactly difficult,” he said, a touch of asperity in his voice. “I’m certain you’ve done it many times before, and will many times again. If you can’t even perform such a straightforward task –”

Ah, there it was.

He put two fingers against the blocked meridian and firmly pressed, wielding his not inconsiderable arm strength against the tough skin Wen Ruohan had cultivated over the years.

Wen Ruohan made a choked noise.

The blockage released, the latent tension in the muscles releasing with it, and Wen Ruohan shuddered all over – presumably the yang energy that had been knotted up in there had also released, flooding through his meridians.

“Well done,” Lan Qiren said, inspecting his work. “The flow of energy is much smoother now. You should notice an immediate improvement in both temperament and swordplay.”

Wen Ruohan huffed and sat up straight again, starting to straighten his clothing. Apparently he’d finished the self-pleasure portion of the evening as well.

“I’m much obliged to you for your guidance, Teacher Lan,” he said, and it was Lan Qiren’s turn to blink, surprised – Wen Ruohan had never used that term of address for him before. “I look forward to attending your classes with you tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to,” Lan Qiren told him, although he used the opportunity to rise to his feet and return to his desk, intent on finishing his review. “There’s hardly any danger from my students.”

“No, no,” Wen Ruohan said. “I’m interested to see you – in your element, so to speak. I was perhaps too hasty in disregarding Lao Nie’s exhortations regarding the quality of your pedagogical skills.”

“Very well,” Lan Qiren said, a little suspicious. “You understand, of course, that you would not be permitted to…?”

“Around children? I assure you that that is not one of my proclivities.”

“Good,” Lan Qiren said, even though he was well aware that Wen Ruohan’s particular character was such that the fact that something was not within his so-called proclivities would in no way stop him if he thought he could get some benefit out of it. “Very well, then. If you insist –”

“I do,” Wen Ruohan said firmly. “I promised Lao Nie, did I not? I intend to keep my promise in the spirit in which it was requested.”

Lan Qiren sighed. This would probably end up only distracting his students more…hmm. Unless he used it to his advantage.

“Would you be willing to demonstrate some array techniques?” he asked. “I know they’re your area of expertise, and there are certain philosophical points I wish to convey to my students that may be more easily expressed with a visual demonstration.”

Wen Ruohan rolled his eyes, but it seemed to lack the usual sense of malice.

“You may use me as you wish, Teacher,” he said with a smirk. “I am at your service.”

-

“Is there anything you actually like?” Lan Qiren asked Wen Ruohan, aware that his tone was coming across as tetchy and irritable and wholly unable to stop it.

Wen Ruohan arched his eyebrows at him.

“Other than myself and Lao Nie, and definitely not sex,” Lan Qiren qualified. “Your birthday is coming up, and I’m having difficulty thinking of an appropriate present.”

“My – birthday?” Wen Ruohan asked, and then started smiling in amusement. “You can just get me whatever gift your sect has picked out for the event. I’m certain someone has already selected something –”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lan Qiren said. “You’re my – lover by proxy, I suppose, or at least something resembling a friend.”

To the extent one could befriend an especially large, especially poisonous serpent, anyway. Despite this, Lan Qiren liked to think he wasn’t doing too bad a job at it.

“The least I can do is get you something you actually enjoy,” he added, scowling. “Unfortunately, despite all of our years of acquaintance, I honestly have no idea what that might be. I’m aware of your general penchant for torture, so I had initially considered a text on anatomy, but in all honesty supporting torture even by proxy makes me queasy so I had to discard that idea –”

“A text on anatomy,” Wen Ruohan interrupted, blinking in that strange way he had when he was surprised by something. Usually Lan Qiren, actually, although Lao Nie sometimes managed it, too. “You were thinking of getting me something on anatomy so that I could – torture people better?”

“It does seem to be one of the few things you like to do,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “And it’s not as if I have any treatises on clever machines one can use to extract entrails or something.”

“I’m delighted you even considered it,” Wen Ruohan said. He seemed to be fighting a laugh.

“Perhaps some medicine?” Lqn Qiren mused.

“I’m fairly sure my sect’s pharmacists are better than yours. I get all sorts of herbs to aid in cultivation from sects all over –”

“Not in aid of cultivation; I’m hardly going to gift you with your hundredth strand of ancient ginseng, am I? I meant for your anemia.”

“My – what?”

“You have a strange fixation on blood in all forms, whether the shedding in battle or merely at dinner. It occurred to me that you might be minorly anemic.”

Wen Ruohan covered his mouth with his sleeve. His shoulders were shaking.

“Listen, your only hobbies are sadism, blood, and power, and there’s nothing I can do for you on any of those scores,” Lan Qiren said, scowling. “You have to have some sort of thing that you can do –”

“I paint.”

Lan Qiren blinked. “You paint? Recreationally? Really?”

Wen Ruohan shrugged. “I used to, at any rate. It’s been – rather a while.”

For someone like Wen Ruohan, that ‘while’ might very well be as long as Lan Qiren’s life.

“I used to be rather good at it,” Wen Ruohan said thoughtfully. “Or at least I thought I was.”

“Have I seen any of your work?” Lan Qiren asked, and Wen Ruohan blinked at him. “You have art all over the Nightless City. Is any of it yours?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Privately, Lan Qiren thought that it was because personal paintings did not demonstrate the extent of Wen Ruohan’s power over others, and were thereby less satisfying, but Wen Ruohan had shifted over to looking contemplative and even nostalgic.

“You know,” Wen Ruohan murmured. “I’m really not sure.”

“Well, I can certainly get you paints,” Lan Qiren said. “And Lao Nie and I can drag you to some secluded location with a good view to allow you some time to indulge in it; I think that sounds like an excellent gift. Thank you for the idea.”

“…think nothing of it.”

-

“I will rip him limb from limb,” Wen Ruohan hissed. “I will tear out his stomach and feed it to him.”

“You’re overreacting,” Lan Qiren said.

“I am not,” Wen Ruohan said, like a liar. “He nearly killed you!”

Lan Qiren turned his gaze to Lao Nie, who was usually fairly good at keeping Wen Ruohan back, but his old friend had his arms crossed over his chest and a thunderous scowl fixed firmly on his face.

Apparently, he agreed with Wen Ruohan.

“It wasn’t an attack meant to kill,” Lan Qiren tried to explain. “It was only meant to paralyze –”

“Oh, so severing your spine is no big deal then?”

“You have at least a dozen tools that are designed to do just that in your basement,” Lan Qiren reminded Wen Ruohan.

“I don’t use them anymore,” Wen Ruohan growled. “You’ve taken all the fun out of it, the two of you. If I want to hurt someone, Lao Nie is more fun; if I want a challenge, Teacher Lan is always available to be at my throat; if I want to exert power, I need only remind any sect leader in the cultivation world of our relationship and they will have no choice but to submit unhappily to reality. It’s hardly worth wasting my time on some random prisoners. Now don’t try to distract me – you can’t honestly say that you want to live the rest of your life without your legs!”

“Obviously not, though one might argue that my mobility is already limited enough that adding a wheelchair would not make that much of a difference. I’m just pointing out –”

“When he’s fully healed, we’re taking him on vacation,” Lao Nie said to Wen Ruohan, who nodded furiously. “A long one. The Lan sect can cope.”

“How did we get on the subject of vacation?” Lan Qiren asked, starting to wonder if it was him or them that had lost the thread of their conversation. “I merely wished to say that your reaction is overblown. The threat has passed, and I remain alive and intact –”

“Except for the gaping hole in your back.”

“It’s been bandaged and stitched up. I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, yes, you will be,” Wen Ruohan said, and finally sat down again, putting his hand on Lan Qiren’s hip to start transferring spiritual energy over. He had a truly obscene amount of qi – something Lan Qiren supposed he had to be grateful for, as it had been that, in conjunction with Lao Nie’s extraordinary fighting skills, that had saved his life. “I will make sure you’re fine. By force if necessary.”

“He was just upset –”

“Stop making excuses for him,” Lao Nie said. His voice was low and tight and angry and tired. “You’ve been apologizing for your brother since the first day I met you, Qiren. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“You were his friend once, too,” Lan Qiren reminded him.

“I was,” Lao Nie said. “There was something worth being friends with there, once. You’ve paid dearly for every mistake he’s ever made – but not this. Not this.”

“There is a boundary to filial piety,” Wen Ruohan agreed. “And in the end, he is only your elder brother. He is not entitled to your life.”

“He didn’t want my life,” Lan Qiren said. “He wanted me to suffer as he suffers. He’s not well.”

Insane, in fact. That would be the word for it.

Mad, raging, ravening – if Lan Qiren could blame a qi deviation, of the sort that tended to end Lao Nie’s family line when their meridians weren’t being constantly tended to by the most powerful cultivator alive with an obsession for keeping his lover alive, he would. That might yet be found to be the cause; he didn’t know, he wasn’t involved in the investigation.

It wouldn’t be appropriate for him to be involved, whether as the direct victim or the closest living family of the perpetrator.

Lan Qiren…didn’t know what to do with any of that.

He didn’t recognize his brother in the madman that tried to kill him simply for being happy, for being reputed to have taken on lovers. He didn’t recognize even the faintest shell of him.

“Maybe we should take him on that vacation now,” Lao Nie said to Wen Ruohan, who looked thoughtful. “Hanhan, do you still have that – that ridiculous carriage, the big wide one, the one designed to avoid any bumps…?”

“You’re not taking me away from the Cloud Recesses before the trial,” Lan Qiren said, though he wasn’t actually sure if there would even be a trial. It seemed like the sort of thing that his sect would prefer to cover up, though it might be difficult to do so with two other sect leaders aware of what had happened and angry about it. “I’m sect leader, remember?”

“Acting sect leader,” Wen Ruohan said, and for once the reminder wasn’t meant to be poisonous. “Leave the matter to your sect elders.” He paused. “Or to me, I could handle it.”

“You could commit a murder, you mean.”

“A justified murder.”

“No, Ruohan-xiong.”

“How do you put up with this?” Wen Ruohan complained to Lao Nie, who unbent just long enough to look amused. “This stubbornness.”

“Oh, come off it,” Lao Nie said. “You love it.”

“I admit to nothing.”

“You stopped trying to conquer the world for us, I don’t need you to say that you love us,” Lao Nie said. “You can give up on this murder for us, too. Now shift over, I’m taking the inside of the bed.”

“What? No! We’re not sharing a bed,” Lan Qiren said. “You’re both far too elbow-y.”

“That’s too bad for you,” Wen Ruohan said, curling up behind him, even as Lao Nie firmly planted himself in front of him, both of them careful to avoid the wound on Lan Qiren’s side and back. “This is an excellent position for dual cultivation –”

“Ruohan-xiong!”

“Non-sexual dual cultivation, Qiren, stop whining. You’re going to live a good long life whether you like it or not.”

“That’s not how that works,” Lan Qiren complained, but he knew he was already yielding.

“Yes, it is,” Wen Ruohan said in his ear. “I’ll make it be the way it works. You’ll see…”

[projectjasper]

Hey Archer how are you doing? Hope you're somewhat recovered from the shock of yesterday's episode - it certainly left a lot of us with a heavy heart.

Just need your opinion on something that keeps bouncing around my head and refuses to be quiet. I know this kind of scenario is highly unlikely and probably doesn't really make any sense but, but that doesn't stop it from bugging me :D

So here goes (I should have gone anon for this *lol*). What are the chances that Wai could possible, maybe, be in love with Pran and when he find out about him and Pat he concocts that heinous plan out of jealousy? What if his supposed "crush" on Paa was all pretense to distract from the truth, and what if he did what he did to force Pat and Pran to break up so he has a chance?

I know it's crazy but he just seems to oddly.... possessive of Pran, but maybe I'm just imagining things :D

hello, dear!! thank you so much for checking up on me - as usual, i am incredibly emotional on fridays, but i calm down a bit and start actually analyzing things the next day, so i am doing much better now.

we have had quite a few people saying that wai has a crush on pran ever since the show started coming out, but i don't think it makes sense at this point, for a multitude of reasons:

we have had multiple instances of him definitely acting in a way that someone who has a crush wouldn't - he was super excited and bantery with pran in episode 2 about the guy across the hall flirting with him, and in the scene in episode 7 where pat and pran try to make each other jealous with ink and wai respectively, wai reacts in a very "what the fuck are you doing, buddy?" way rather than in any way that someone with a crush would;

the way his crush on pa has been framed, there is no possible way that it's pretense - their meeting, him trying to ask ink about her, all the little details make absolutely no sense if it's just him trying to pretend like he has a crush on her (what's he doing in that case? method acting, so that his crush would be more believable in pran's presence?);

looking back at all instances where he seemed "possessive" of pran, i feel like - with the context that we now have - they were never possessive moments in the first place, and i actually had an anon once ask me why wai is so insistent on "protecting" pran from pat even though pat has never done anything bad to pran specifically, and i now see that this is because it was clearly never about pran - wai sees himself as "the main character" and he made up this rivalry with pat in his head, and he just tries to be as aggressive towards him as possible in all possible situations;

and as a final little note, he is definitely still incredibly manipulative towards pran, which we saw in episode 7 - that means that if he did have a crush on him, we would be dealing with that along with him being a terrible manipulative friend anyway, because the way he forced pran to take his job in the play can't be connected with a potential crush in any way, and i don't think that doing both of these storylines at the same time would make sense.