#this is a song. that a British man. sang in a concert ONCE. and i have it memorized.

[landhinlove]

watermelon eggs theres peas and bananas

watermelon eggs theres peas and bananas

we’ve still found no aubergine

no aubergine

no no-bergine

eggs bananas peasss i don’t know I’ve lost it

[let-me-write-shit]

pls make a blurb about that dream you had about harry, i think that would be so cute

Sorry it took so long for me to do this. I was just being lazy! :) Hope you like it!

Word Count: 1,813

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There She Is

If it weren’t for the nearly debilitating sense of claustrophobia or the absolute rush of pure excitement and adrenaline flowing through her veins, y/n would have sworn she was dreaming. She’d never been to a concert before and was unbelievably lucky to have a group of friends take her for her birthday. And pit seats at a Harry Styles concert, nevertheless.

She knew that it would be loud, but she never expected this. Her ears felt like they were vibrating from within, about ready to burst from the volume of the shrieking throughout the arena, and she couldn’t help but join in, chanting along with the masses. The countdown began and y/n’s heart pounded, bouncing on her tiptoes. As if it wasn’t loud enough, the screams got even louder as the drums pounded and Harry Styles came into view in the center of the stage. She could hear her friends screaming at the top of their lungs as they began the first song of the night, but y/n couldn’t sing along. She was mesmerized.

Y/n had been a fan of Harry’s for so long that she almost convinced herself that he wasn’t a real person. How could he be? A hot, talented, kind, British guy whose only flaws seemed to be a couple of questionable tattoos and the fact that he’s hardly on twitter anymore, but who could blame him for that? So to see him standing up there, strumming a guitar and singing a song she had on repeat for weeks was almost too much to handle.

She and her four friends linked arms and weaved through the onslaught of screaming girls to get even closer to the stage, managing to get three rows from the front. As the songs continued, y/n really let loose, screaming out the lyrics with her best friends, jumping around like crazy and laughing with strangers. She was having the time of her life. Harry would take a break every two or three songs to interact with the fans a bit before introducing the next song. Y/n’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much as he joked with a newlywed couple on the other side of the stage. His eyes would skim the sea of people, catching the eyes of a few but always seeming to overlook her and her friends.

Two more songs in and he started singing Adore You. She sang at the top of his lungs, watching him dance while he sang. It almost looked like he was jogging backward making his hair flop around. She had her fist in the air and bobbed her head along with him, letting the energy encapsulate her body. That’s when she noticed it. His eyes staring right in her direction. But it couldn’t be at her. Surely it was her friend beside her or someone in her general area. A little amused smirk formed on his face while he sang, and he rose a fist in the air and pushed his head forward and back, almost like a duck. Was that supposed to be her? Her friend, Shannon, screeched beside her, grabbing onto her arm while y/n’s eyebrow’s furrowed, but Harry’s gaze hadn’t moved. Was he really mocking her dance moves?

“Me?” y/n mouthed, pointing at herself.

Harry nodded while continuing to sing, repeating the dance move again.

Y/n’s mouth fell open, feigning shock and mouthed, “Me? What about you?!” and did her best dramatic impression of him, screwing up her face to look more derpy jogging in place.

That’s all it took for him to stumble on the lyrics and he laughed, stepping back from the mic and shaking his head before quickly collecting himself and continuing the song. Everyone screamed from his unprepared fit of laughter and girls around her all turned to get a look at who caused it, smiling in excitement for her.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Shannon screamed, along with her other three friends, yanking on her arm, “Did that really just fucking happen?”

“Alright, this is the best birthday ever!” y/n laughed, continuing on.

He wasn’t expecting that. The countless amount of concerts he’s mocked someone’s dancing and yet no one had ever mocked him back. He’d never even thought about how bad his dancing might have been until that very moment and he couldn’t help but laugh. It was so spectacularly done that he had to fight to keep his composure for the rest of the song.

As soon as the last chords were strung, he grinned, looking over at the girl who had made him laugh, shaking his head once more. Harry brought the microphone up to his lips and let out another soft chuckle before announcing to the crowd, “This girl over here…” he pointed, walking closer to her on the stage, “I made fun of her dancing. Because she was dancing like this…” he, once again, did his duck bobbing motion with a fist in the air, “and she goes...ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?! And does this...” he stuck his tongue out, scrunched up his nose, and did the ugliest most dramatic impression of his dancing. The crowd screamed as he laughed once more, “And I have never in my life been more offended.” he looked in her direction to see her laughing her bright white smile and he grinned, “What’s your name?”

“Y/n!” he watched her lips curl as she shouted it out, her friends screaming beside her.

“Y/n?” He repeated, earning a nod from her. He stood up straight, “Well, y/n. Jokes on you, because this show is full of my horrible dancing, so get used to it, Babe!” he teased as the fans erupted again and he strutted the length of the stage.  “Yeah, see, they like it! I’ll be keeping an eye on you!”

TPWK was next up and he sang, bobbing his head to the music, but as soon as it got to the chorus he went crazy, running around the stage, pumping his fists in the air and screaming. Instinctively his eyes wandered over towards y/n’s direction to see her shaking her head and mocking the dance move he just did. Harry laughed again, pointing the mic out to the audience for them to sing.

It became a thing throughout the night with just about every song he performed. They would catch eyes and do a horrible reenactment of each other's dancing. It was subtle enough for him, but her friends lost their minds every single time they noticed it. They did it so often that even Mitch began to pick up on it and would laugh, too.

Harry announced the last song, but before he sang, he gave a long speech thanking all of the crew members for all of their hard work and long hours put into making the tour possible, thanked the fans, and told him how grateful he was for everyone.

“Now, after this song ends, I’m going to go off stage for a little bit. And you’re all going to chant for an encore. It’s going to be so loud that I’ll hear it backstage. Then, I’m going to come back up here and sing two more songs for you. Does everyone understand? Alright. Now, if anyone has a light on your phone, now would be the time to use it. This is Fine Line.”

The lights went dark and the arena glowed with thousands of twinkling phone lights. It looked like she was in the middle of a starry sky, she had never seen anything so beautiful before. She watched as Harry sang, his eyes closed, clutching onto the microphone and she couldn’t bring herself to sing along. Instead, she watched and took everything in. This perfect evening. An interaction with an idol she never thought she’d have in a million years. Everything was perfect.

The arena burst into screams as the song ended and Harry bowed, blowing kisses out to the theatre, thanking everyone once more. He walked towards her side, doing the same, and catching eyes with her. One last time, she teased him by catching his “kiss” in the air and putting it in her pocket and laughed while he winked at her and held his gaze while dramatically running to the other side of the stage towards the stairs that led him away, the stage lights going dark.

A few people in the arena began making their way out, most likely trying to leave before the traffic got too backed up to get out of the parking lot, while most people stayed to see him perform his encore. It took a few minutes, but eventually, Harry ran back out, jogging up to the microphone as the spotlight went on him and the band started up Kiwi. He smiled when he saw that she was still there, looking her dead in the eyes as he did the most awkward shimmy she had ever seen and his head nodded down towards the security, up at her, and back at security.

Y/N furrowed her eyes in confusion before her friend pointed out, “There’s a man trying to get your attention.”

Sure enough, she saw a balding man behind the barricade, waving her over. She squeezed through the girls in front of her and leaned over the gate to hear him, “He wants to know if you’d like to meet him after the show,” the man shouted in her ear.

Her heart stopped, shock setting in, wondering if she heard that right. She looked up at Harry who was on the opposite end of the stage, looked back at her friends who stared at her excitedly, and back to the guard, “My friends,” she said, “I don’t want to get split up from them.”

“They can come, too,” he shouted back, “When the concert is over, hang around up here. I’ll take you back.”

She nodded, wide-eyed, and shouted back, “Thank you.”

“There’s no way this is happening right now. Absolutely no way,” her friends geeked as they followed the balding man down a winding hallway behind the stage. This was too surreal, it had to be a dream. She squeezed her friend's hand so tightly it earned a slap on the arm that stung so badly that made it obvious that she wasn’t dreaming. The balding man stopped in front of a door, knocked, poked his head in to make sure they were welcome before he stepped to the side and opened the door further.

The five of them hesitantly stepped in to see Harry Styles surrounded by a few tour members and even a couple bandmates, wiping his forehead with a towel when Harry turned to see them walking in. He smiled, catching eyes with Y/N and stepped closer, arms wide open.

“There she is!” he exclaimed.

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Taglist: 

@odetostep

[knives-out20]

The Impact Of The Intergalactic - David Bowie Opinion Essay - by Beck S.

This is an essay I wrote about the span of David Bowie's career. I wrote it for a summer school course I took last year (August 2021) for a course called History of Rock & Roll.

My teacher gave nice feedback after he marked it, talking about how it was an "Excellent paper. It charts Bowie's progress throughout his career well, and includes significant detail. I could really feel the passion you have about him throughout. In fact, there is *too much* detail! The paper was supposed to be 3 pages max, double-spaced. Still, this is a good problem to have; better too much than too little."

So...enjoy!!

From his early works like Hunky Dory, to Black Tie White Noise in the 1990’s and stretching over to Blackstar as his final album, David Bowie has rarely had a bad album or song- in my opinion. His career has had ups and downs, his musical creations ranging in the way he would pitch his voice and what instruments he would use, the people he would produce with, and the wild things he would say. Charting David Bowie’s development over time is in fact an interesting journey.

Early on in his dreamy career, Bowie would have done nearly anything- or in fact, anyone- to grow in the music world. Hopping from band to band (like The Velvet Underground), producer to producer, doing whatever he could do to get ‘in’ in the industry. His early albums weren’t taken very highly in their times- especially with the ‘man-dress’ he wore on the British release of his The Man Who Sold The World album. Although, this dress was only the start of the androgynous appearance he would soon be known for, over the course of his 5-decade-spanning career.

The 1970’s were strange, to say the least. He married Angela Bowie at the start of the decade, then welcomed their son Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones a year later. Bowie went on to be hopped up on cocaine. David donned the look of one of his famous personas, The Thin White Duke. The same persona with slicked-back ginger hair, a white button-up under a black waistcoat and paired with black dress pants. The same Duke who called Adolf Hitler one of the first ‘rock stars’ and gave off a lot of faschist energy. He said many statements he’d later apologize for and grow as a better man from, which is good- it’s better than standing by then, or even backing himself up and supporting them. David Bowie called that period the darkest days of his life, and blamed the crazy statements on his horrid addiction and deteriorating mental state. The late 1970’s were more favorable, seeing as it gave the world what was dubbed the Berlin Trilogy alongside Brian Eno and David’s personal friend, Iggy Pop. Made up of three of his albums: Low and Heroes (both in 1977) and Lodger (1978). He moved from Los Angeles to Switzerland, then to Berlin as a further decision to escape his addiction (the reason he moved away from LA in the first place). It was in Berlin, of course, where he wrote his famous song Heroes, about two lovers, one from East Berlin and one from West.

Speaking of Berlin, David Bowie performed near the west of the Berlin Wall in 1987; he played so loud that crowds gathered on the east to listen. At this time, Bowie had no idea he would be the beginning of the city’s soon-coming unifying. After his death in 2016, the German government thanked him for bringing the wall down and unifying a divided Germany.

Music isn’t all he is known for, though it is a majority. He also starred in movies from time to time. Being the titular man in The Man Who Fell To Earth in 1976, Jareth the moody goblin king in Jim Henson’s 1986 Labyrinth film (what is most likely his most famous role), Monte the barman in the 1991 movie The Linguini Incident, cameoing as himself in Zoolander (2001), Nikola Tesla in the 2006 movie The Prestige, and even Lord Royal Highness in Spongebob Squarepants’ Atlantis Squarepantis in 2007, among a few others. David Bowie dabbled in the art of acting, and was not that bad at it. He was good enough to gain a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, too. Sometimes it bends my mind that my first introduction to my all-time favourite musician was in a Spongebob Squarepants movie, back before I knew who he was, but David Bowie was never one to shy away from foreshadowing. At least one song from many of his albums would hint at the direction he’d go in for his next release. For example, his track Queen Bitch on Hunky Dory foreshadowed his soon-coming Ziggy Stardust. And the Diamond Dogs track 1984 actually hinted at the Philadelphian soul of Young Americans, which is a more famous song of his, which he went on to perform on The Cher Show with its host.

The 1990’s were certainly an experimental time for David Bowie. But to my knowledge, I think the 1990’s was a time for everyone. He married supermodel Iman some days after performing at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, and released the album I named earlier, Black Tie White Noise. It is known to have had a prominent use of electronic instruments, as was his other 1990’s album, Earthling. The early 1990’s greeted David’s first real band since the Spiders From Mars, dubbed Tin Machine. They recorded three guitar-driven albums which received mixed reviews from the masses, but Bowie looks back at this period- as do I- with a certain fondness; “a glorious disaster” he called it, when talking to journalist Mick Brown. Tin Machine is a period I don’t listen to often, compared to his solo stuff, but I don’t press the skip button when it comes on.

Alas, the starman’s career drew to a close as the 2000s rolled in. David Bowie greeted the 2000’s with the birth of his and Iman’s daughter, the beautiful Alexandria Zahra Jones. After suffering a- strange, as it were- heart attack symptoms mid-song during a concert in 2004, he took a hiatus from his career. I say strange because given what I know, he was trying his best to stay healthy at the time. According to my special Rolling Stone edition magazine about David Bowie (released at the start of this year), he was on tour and performing in a really hot arena. But Bowie was sober, and had quit smoking. He was taking medication to lower his cholesterol, and worked out with a trainer. Bowie looked great, and yet he felt a pain in his shoulder and chest, along with a shortness for breath. A bodyguard rushed onstage to usher Bowie off of it, cutting the concert short. He only performed live once or twice after that point, but was set on never going live ever again. And he kept his word on that, unfortunately but also fortunately. Unfortunately, because David Bowie live would have been quite the experience- I wouldn’t know, personally. But fortunately, because I do not believe anyone needs a repeat of the 2004 Reality scare.

I am actually not too fond of speaking of his final years. Nobody really likes to speak of the last years of their idols’ life before their death, so it’s no surprise. Blackstar was David Bowie’s 25th and final album, recorded entirely in secret in New York alongside his long-time producer, Tony Visconti. The album's central theme lyrically is mortality, and seeing as Bowie was undergoing chemotherapy for his cancer at the time, I see it as his way of coping with his incoming death. His producer Tony Visconti called him a ‘canny bastard’, when he realized Bowie was essentially writing a farewell album. Every song on the album is what is considered a swan song, a swan song in question being a phrase for a final gesture of some sort before retirement or death. In this case, death. Over the course of recording the album, David Bowie’s chemotherapy had actually been working and he had an eerie optimism while recording. But by the time they shot the two music videos Blackstar and Lazarus, where he showed off the definite passage of time and cruelty of chemotherapy through sparse and gray hair with sagging skin, he knew his condition was terminal and that this would be a battle he would lose. Blackstar wasn’t the first album to have been made by a musician succumbing to a fatal illness, but in my opinion it is in fact the most beautiful. It’s jazzy, and elegant, showing how at peace he had become with dying.

Blackstar the album was released on January 8th, 2016. Also known as David Bowie’s 69th birthday. Two days later, David Bowie died at his Lafayette Street home on January 10th after living with liver cancer for up to 18 months. Beforehand, he had let it be known he did not want a funeral nor a burial, but rather that his body be cremated and the ashes to be scattered in Bali by his loved ones. His wish was received, and planet Earth was very much bluer and quieter without his colour and wonderful noise.

As I said earlier on, David Bowie’s career came with ups and downs. His mysteriously close relationship with Mick Jagger, his cross with famous underage groupie Lori Maddox, the births of his two talented children, his faschist bender in the 70’s, and final bang of Blackstar in his final year on earth. Through the highs and lows, his career and his music meant a lot to the quote-unquote misfits and freaks of the world, myself included. David Bowie turned and faced the strange, shouted “you’re not alone!” To those who felt the loneliest, he surely spent his career helping those who needed to be themselves, feel more freer and braver in doing so, no matter what they may be when they are themselves. He never went boring, he never went stale, he sang what he wanted and dressed how he pleased, and kept to his word on how much more to life there is when you’re just that; yourself. A year after David Bowie’s untimely passing, his son Duncan Jones accepted an award for British album of the year that was won by Blackstar at the 37th annual Brit Awards. When he accepted it, he made a speech about his father that I will leave here, and never forget. Seeing as it perfectly encapsulates David Bowie’ legacy, and the true meaning of his extraordinary career.

“I lost my dad last year, but I also became a dad. And, uhm, I was spending a lot of time- after getting over the shock- of trying to work out what would I want my son to know about his granddad? And I think it would be the same thing that most of my dad's fans have taken over the last 50 years. That he’s always been there supporting people who think they’re a little bit weird or a little bit strange, a little bit different, and he’s always been there for them. So...this award is for all the kooks, and all the people who make the kooks. Thanks, Brits, and thanks to his fans.” - Duncan Z. H. Jones (February 22 2017, at The O2 Arena in London.)

[aion-rsa]

1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything Review – The Revolution Is Hummable

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Apple TV+’s 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything is immersive and fairly ambitious. The eight-part documentary series wants to run 33 revolutions per minute, and only comes up about a third short. It captures how musicians’ fingers were on the pulse of the day’s headlines and the laid the tracks for the nights’ rhythms.

Artists sang the news, sometimes causing it, other times reacting. Rock and roll had grown up and rock musicians took on responsibilities. Rhythm and blues got loose and soul musicians took to the streets. A former University of California philosophy professor named Angela Davis was charged with aiding and abetting the murder of a judge and Aretha Franklin personally offered to post bail.

The documentary series points out how The Beatles took the lead on youth culture movement during the 1960s, and how the elder society tried to beat it down in the 1970s, only to have John Lennon read the news and write “Gimme Some Truth,” before breakfast. Or to charge Oz Magazine, a British underground newspaper, with obscenity, and find Lennon outside the courtroom with a bullhorn in his hand and a single about it on a flipside. British television tried to celebrate the wake of the Beatles’ breakup with regressive programming. American TV fought to stay as progressive as its radio stations.

The docu-series was inspired by the book Never a Dull Moment: 1971 the Year That Rock Exploded by David Hepworth, but leaves out all the more gossipy bits. We don’t get cake from the Mick and Bianca Jagger wedding, but we get exiled with the Rolling Stones right on Main Street. Co-directed by Asif Kapadia (Senna, Amy, Diego Maradona), James Rogan and Danielle Peck, 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything doesn’t look away from rockstar excesses, but it also doesn’t indulge them. We get the feeling albums by the Stones and Sly and the Family Stone may have achieved perfection through the sloppiest of accidents.

The artistic stories are a lot of fun to watch, though. Listening to Keith Richards talking about getting out of France minutes before both the mob and the cops were about to bang down the door is almost as much fun as sitting in the mid-section of the speedway concert at Altamont. Far enough away from the Hell’s Angels pool cues, but close enough to feel the danger, and still at the right place for the sound mix.

The best part of 1971: The Year Music Changed Everything is the footage. We get a clip of George Harrison and Bob Dylan rehearsing a song they didn’t do on stage at The Concert for Bangladesh. Home movies capture the Stones in Villa Nellecôte, scoring dope and nodding out during sessions for Exile on Main St. There is footage of James Brown performing in Paris which hasn’t made its way to his fans here. Gritty black and white celluloid shows David Bowie awkwardly miming his way through his first visit to Warhol’s Factory. Candid photos capture insanely intimate moments like a fan biting Marc Bolan’s hair. It is fun to watch Dick Cavett try to crawl up his own ass while trying to interview James Baldwin and Sly Stone. One highlight is the Ike and Tina Turner Review, along with the Staple Singers and dozens of other Black musicians visiting Ghana for a concert.

It is exhilarating to hear Marvin Gaye explain, in his own words, why What’s Going On was the record he was put on this earth to make. It is very cool hearing Lennon say how much it means to have revolutionary music coming from Gaye. There are no talking heads. Interviews, like those done with Elton John, are only heard through voice-overs. This adds to the intimacy of Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders remembering how personally she took Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s song “Ohio,” after having been on the campus at Kent State during the shootings. It stands in stark contrast to President Richard Nixon declaring his love for “square music” while he gives an “off with their heads” glare at the most civil of disobedient young people.

The documentary mixes the musical stories with the period’s news. Archival footage includes protests, police brutality, the My Lai massacre trials, Charles Manson, and Lance Loud, who taught American families to embrace differences on the proto-reality TV show An American Family. The documentary also shows Nixon launching the war on drugs as a military offensive. It takes on the Attica prison uprising, and the prison study at Stanford, which proved anyone can be a mindlessly cruel bastard if they have something to hide behind, like a badge and a baton. The documentary doesn’t mention it, but the study seems even more accurate when considering the attempted damage done by anonymous Internet trollers. The documentary also offers a broad spectrum of retro-fashion tips.

The post-counterculture musicians didn’t only face political pressure. The documentary also highlights how newer artists were challenging the established pecking order of rock. A slightly premature delving into Glam Rock rebels Bowie and T. Rex’s Marc Bolan replaces any segments on heavy metal and hard rock. “We were creating the 21st century in 1971,” Bowie says in the opening of every installment. We applaud as Kraftwerk fires their drummer for a drum machine.

Because the series focuses on the theme of interactive social change, it skips a lot of what was happening musically in 1971. Some of it is understandable, and some appears arbitrary. Not to let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch, but the series includes a segment on the Osmonds but doesn’t mention The Jackson 5. While we get a broad overview of world music, we get precious little of the electricity of Latin percussion which propelled Santana and War. 

The doc talks about the growing Jesus Saves movement which was sonically represented in Jesus Christ Superstar, but they don’t even offer a sound clip of Jethro Tull’s Aqualung, which proclaimed “man created god.” I get it, a lot of the rock and roll press, and I’m looking at you Rolling Stone, has had a bug up their ass about prog music for years. The documentary relegates all of eight seconds to Yes, but only as an example of the snobbishness of dinosaur rock. But this is 1971, even T-Rex is new. The Flintstones hadn’t been off TV for a decade.

“Rock stars, is there nothing they don’t know?” Homer Simpson once asked, reverently. That kind of thinking began in 1971. Musicians were the most influential people on the planet. When Carole King told you to get up every morning with a smile on your face, you felt beautiful. If Gil Scott-Heron warned you about the cop’s “No Knock” policy, you double locked your door. 1971: The Year Music Changed Everything is an excellent time capsule of music from a time which was a lot less innocent. How do we get that lack of innocence back?

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1971: The Year Music Changed Everything begins streaming on Apple TV+ on May 21.

The post 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything Review – The Revolution Is Hummable appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[chemiste]

Foresight ~ ch. 2

A/N : hello hi howdy, here’s ch. 2, let me know what y’all think!!

ch. 1

All you could do was weakly nod and follow the large mass of muscle through the crowd with Maggie attached to your arm. He swiped his keycard on a door and led you through a hallway, where you heard voices becoming louder and louder.

Fuck me.

Maggie gave you a reassuring squeeze as the guard knocked and then opened the door, pushing both of you inside and closing it. 

There they were, the band members all scattered on different chairs, a few others in all-black outfits with clipboards and headsets, and then, Harry Styles, sparkly jacket discarded on the chair next to him in the dressing room and stressfully running his hands through his sweaty hair. All his rings were placed on the table as though they had continuously snagged his hair and he got frustrated.

The room seemed to go dead silent when you entered.

Then, Harry spoke.

“How in the world did you know those songs.” 

You swallowed, “I’m so sorry I—“ the whole room erupted with loud shouts, people whipping out laptops and typing faster than you’d every seen before.

A large man came storming up to you, “Where did you leak it, or where did you find it? These songs are worth a lot more than you miss, so I suggest you speak very quickly so this doesn’t cause more of a problem than it is right now.”

You opened your mouth to continue, but was cut off by a scream across the room, “—what do you mean you can’t find the leaked file?! There has to be one! Look again!” 

You tried to butt in, “Please this is all a misunderstanding—“ “Just tell us which server you found the songs on!” “Please sir I—“ “Enough with the babbling! Just tell me—“

A large smack quieted the room, you turned around to see Maggie with the door handle in her hand. She must have slammed the door open and shut.

“Will you please let her speak?” She huffed. You had never been prouder to have Maggie as your friend.

You turned back to all the awaiting people squirming in their spots. 

 “There is no leak whatsoever anywhere online or physical.” 

A few people let out breaths of relief, but Harry spoke up again, this time walking closer toward you.

“But how did you know the songs?” You rubbed the back of your neck and squeezed your eyes shut, “This is going to sound ridiculous but, I’m psychic.”

A couple scoffs were let out and the man that had been previously screaming in your face said, “And you think we’re supposed to believe that?”

 “She’s telling the truth,” Maggie spoke up, “She’s been able to know things before others do all her life.”

“Prove it.” You and Harry spoke at the same time. You looked him dead in the eye as he continued, “How am I supposed to be 1000 percent certain you’re telling the full truth?” You said at the exact same time he did.

Now people were intrigued, “As I have your attention, I’d like you to know that I’m very sorry about the whole songs thing. It’s just sometimes I say things subconsciously and can’t register if I should know it already or not—plus the vodka I’d been drinking before didn’t help either.”

You continued, “I only know the songs because the melody had been stuck in my head recently and I guess maybe down the line your fans will figure out your blanks in the song. I only sang ‘tasted’ and ‘ride it’ because I can only predict that’s what they’re going to come up with soon. And apparently, they sing it for you since you don’t.” 

Harry’s manager, whose badge read, AZOFF, clapped him on the shoulder with a grin hanging off his face, “Man Styles, your fans are really something.”

That seemed to release the tension in the room. Mr. Azoff told everyone the crisis was averted and people scattered from the room except the band. “I’ll catch you tomorrow Harry, good show tonight.” His manager said as he left the room.

Once the door shut, a dark-haired woman came bounding over to you, “Hey Sarah.” You smiled at her and she seemed to be in awe, “You’re like a superhero!” You scrunched your nose at her declaration, “I don’t think of it that way, more like lucky guesses.” “Lucky guesses! Psh! You knew the George Michael bit of Anna, and we just put that in. You are magical.” Mitch exclaimed for his seat on the couch.

“So now what?” Maggie asked, sitting on the edge of the couch. You looked back to the British rockstar, he smiled and dramatically put his hand out to you.

Hesitantly, you slid your hand into his. “Ms.—” “Y/N” “—Ms. Y/N, will you do me the gracious honor of accepting my apology for believing something so terrible of you.” 

A couple snickers were heard from the band, and Maggie as well. You rolled your eyes at his tactics, for a super celebrity, he’s still a huge dork. “Of course I will, I totally understand what a disaster it would be to have something leaked.”

Click!

You both turned your heads to the door, where a woman with a camera stood taking a picture of your hands together. “Hey, are you the psychic people are chatting about?” 

You let go of Harry’s hand as she snapped another picture, “Yes I am, my name is Y/N.”

The photographer came inside the door and slung the camera strap over her shoulder. “Lovely to meet you, but Harry and co, its time for the post-concert shot and I want to do it on the stage before they shut down the lights.”

 Harry’s head perked up at her request and the band members got up to leave. He slipped his rings back on quickly as well before exiting.

Maggie got up from the couch and everyone headed out back to the stage. You both wandered behind them, not really know if you could leave or not. “What are we supposed to do now?” She whispered. 

You shrugged your shoulders as you walked to the side of the stage and watched the talented musicians link up to take a farewell photo. It made you smile, they each seemed truly happy in each other’s company.

As everyone left the stage to finally retire to their respective rooms for the night, Harry walked over to you, with a bit of strut in his step?

“Did you wan’ a photo or somthin’?” He asked with a cheeky smile. You rolled your eyes at the narcissism, “I’ve already got a picture of you to post on my phone, thanks though.”

Now it was your turn to wear a cheeky smile, the man seemed taken back by your denial and Mags, on the other hand, was beyond herself with disbelief. 

“Well, if you’re not gonna take a picture with him, I sure as hell am!” Shoving her phone into your hand, she pulled the much taller man in for a hug and smiled at the camera. 

Click!

You smiled at the picture and gave the two a thumbs up. You glanced at the time and your eyes went wide. “Oh god, Mags we gotta go! It’s almost 12am.” You put your hand out to shake his, “It was great to meet you but we have to leave, got a train to catch early in the morning.” 

“Where are you girls headed off to?”

Maggie gave a little dance, “Paris baby! I’m so fucking excited to see the Eiffel tower again!” Both of you chuckled at her response. He turned to look back at you, “What a coincidence, I’ll be performing there the night after tomorrow. Are you sure you’re not following me?”

“Sorry to burst your bubble superstar, but that’s not the case. This is our spring break trip and miraculously Maggie’s father got last minute tickets from a colleague that couldn’t use them. That’s why we’re here right now.”

“It was lovely seeing you perform, you really know how to use a stage.” You continued. “Yeah! You really did look like sex during Caroli—” 

Shit, maybe Maggie isn’t as sober as I hoped, you thought as you immediately put your hand over her mouth. 

“Ha ha, um, so ya on that note, we’re gonna go. Bye Harry.” He chuckled as you pulled Maggie away who now realized what she had spilled out.

“Bye Y/N.”

Ding!

It was already 1am and Harry had just settled into bed for the night, he grabbed his phone that had lit up from the notification.

1 New Email : Hélène Pambrun

Harry opened the email Hélène sent him.

Hey, I edited this picture and thought you might like it, maybe something to post. Only if you want to though.

Night.

Attached-JPEG.

Harry click the attachment and smiled.

Then posted it.

“Okay, the timer is a go!” 

Maggie ran back over to where you were next to the ledge of the bridge, her ponytail bouncing with each step.

 Paris was beautiful at night, and even more so, the Eiffel Tower that was lit up in front of you. You both faced the iconic monument and waited a second for the timer to take the photo.

Click!

Mags went over to grab your phone, “It’s perfect, we are such fashion icons. Even Anna Wintour would be proud.”

You looped your arm with Maggie’s and you headed off to site see some more. You posted the picture while you window-shopped, stopping a couple times to look at certain items before venturing on. 

“What’s on the agenda for tomorrow Mags?” You asked as you both entered the hotel lobby, finished with your escapades. 

 “Well, we should see if the Louvre will even be a possibility—“ “It won’t be.” “—oh, too many tourists tomorrow?” She questioned. 

“No, a child will throw up on the entry door and close it down for a couple hours for cleaning.” You answered, swiping the key into your hotel door.

 Maggie toed her shoes off and opened the bathroom door, “It’s great traveling with someone that knows if things could go to shit or not.” You cracked a smile and went to sit down on your bed opposite hers. 

As you changed into pjs, your phone started blowing up with so many notifications that it was slowly moving off the nightstand. 

“Woo’s cawling yoow at tis time?” Maggie asked with a mouth full of toothpaste. 

“They’re not calls,” you answered, picking up your phone. 

“It’s notifications on Instagram.” 

“Huh?” Maggie came over and sat down to read over your shoulder.

Hundreds of comments rolled in on your phone, you checked Instagram and gasped. 

“Maggie I have about 3000 new followers what’s going on?” The brunette leaped up to grab her phone and scroll through with you.

“Oh my god, Y/N, it looks like there are videos of you singing at the show going viral!” “What! Why did I not see this beforehand?!”

“I don’t know but these speculators are growing in size, should we contact the Harry Style’s headquarters account? People are already coming up with crazy theories and I’ve only been to one fan account.”

You watched with wide eyes as more people filled your Instagram posts with comments and questions, “Do I go on private?!” 

“No!” Maggie nearly shouted, “You can’t do anything that would raise suspicions even more, people already have screenshots of your posts it wouldn’t matter anyway.” Email coming through!

Huh?

Ding! Ding!

1 New Email: Jeffery Azoff

“Mags, I just got an email from Harry’s manager.” 

You said with a shaky voice, “What are you waiting around for, open it!” 

You clicked the message.

Dear Ms. L/N

Due to a social media outbreak, I would like to meet with you tomorrow before the concert to discuss how to further proceed in light of recent events. Please come by at 1pm, attached is the pass to show security and address of the arena.

Jeffery Azoff

“He wants me to come by before the Paris show! To talk about what’s happening.” She nodded approvingly, “See, the professionals will handle it. Y/N don’t worry, everything will be fine.”

There you were, 1pm sharp with Maggie by your side as you showed the electronic pass to the guard at the door of the center.

You had to squeeze through the line of already awaiting fans which made you feel really guilty as you felt their envious stares on the back of your head as the guard like you in. 

You opted to wear something that was not your Ramones t-shirt and funny enough, you seemed to see an increase in that particular band attire as you made your way through the crowd.

You had on your trusty high waisted blue jeans and a thin black semi turtle neck with shiny black booties for height. Maggie dressed down as well, going with a long sleeve red dress and brown thigh highs. 

Once you both wove your way through the maze that was the backstage, you arrived at B34, the room Mr. Azoff asked you to meet him.

Here goes nothing.

You opened the door and were greeted with Jeff, a few other crew members and—

“ ‘ello Y/N, a pleasure to see yeh again.” 

Harry Styles sat in a chair at the table in sweats and a pink sweatshirt that said ‘fuck I’m cute’ in cursive.

“Come please seat down, we don’t have that much time and I would like to patch things up quickly before the show so that Harry here doesn’t get bombard with shouts about our lovely Ramones Girl.” His manager said.

Well, that made you blush a dark shade of red, you sat down and Maggie sat next to you on the right, giving your hand a quick squeeze before pulling away.

Mr. Azoff rested his head on his arm that was propped up on the table, “So not to beat around the bush, the stats for this ‘new story’ are growing and quickly, E!News has already tweeted out the #ramonesgirl this morning and Teen Vogue liked a post on one of harry’s more dedicated fan pages stylesinlove that has pretty clear video and audio of seeing you and your singing.” 

He pushed the computer toward you, “These are a couple of postings you could put up on your feed if you’d like to clear up confusion or,” he paused for a moment and you leaned forward into his hesitation.

“Or what?” You simply asked, curious beyond belief.

“You could simply tour with Harry for a few more shows and make a comment or two for some fan pages that you’ve just been a fantastic friend of Harry’s for a while and already knew the songs since he had shared them with you beforehand.” 

You turned to Harry would hadn’t spoken up the whole time, “And you’re okay with that? It’s kind of a big deal to say I’m one of the people you shared unreleased music with.” 

He shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, can’t very well tell them you’re a psychic, can we? That would be hard to explain to the press.”

You leaned back into the chair with the realization that this seemed to be the only way unless you wanted to show the world your sorta abilities.

What about Maggie?

“What do you think?” You turned to your friend.

She put her arms behind her head and smiled, “hey, I’ve got to go back to uni two days but honestly Y/N you could just transfer the two classes you’re taking to online and have a blast with Mr. Worldwide over here.” 

She gestured to Harry who was smiling into his hand, “I think it’s an opportunity you should not pass up. But you better call me every once in a while okay?!”

You took a deep breath and turned to Jeff.

 “I’m in.”

ch. 3

telephone hour for this chapter

foresight masterlist

<3

[berniedette]

Walls by Louis Tomlinson First Listen Album Reaction

Alright, I have my good earphones plugged in and I will be listening to the whole album in order, no skipping. Let the Brit come and invade my ears and mind. Here we go...

Track 1: Kill My Mind

I’ve heard this before. Upbeat. Devil in my brain. Ease the pain. I really love the bridge to this. The energy. Yessssssss

Track 2: Don’t Let It Break Your Heart

I’ve heard this before. This is the track version now. Little bit longer intro than the single version. I love the lyrics to this a lot. It’s already helped me in my personal life. It’s just so so nice and comforting and reassuring, but it never crosses the line to cheesy. I think it’s cuz it’s sincere. It’s saying yeah it fuckin hurts and you feel like it’s killing you… but DON’T. LET. IT. Also, the guitar towards the end is just magnificent.

Track 3: Two Of Us

I’ve heard this before. The keyboard on this song is absolutely killing me. The swells in this song is just heartbreaking. The chorus is just so passionate. One Life For The Two Of Us. It’s sad, yet hopeful. OH MY GOD the outro. That might be my favorite part. It makes me want to give him a hug, not because I think he needs it but I think he just deserves it for being so strong.

Track 4: We Made It

I’ve heard this before, but it’s hitting me so hard right now. The melody of this song is something special. The big pop chorus swells aren’t there, and without it, the song just has a flow and a tempo and a rhythm that kinda says, “yeah, we made it,” We’re here. We’re not stopping. We’ll keep going. We’re “never coming down.” SO. WHAT. The almost spoken-word style of this song just makes one need to listen to the lyrics all that intently. It’s a statement. Some of the verses talk about a relationship with somebody, yet the chorus and feel of the whole song makes me think that he’s just talking about himself. He could also be talking to his fans, but I like my idea that he’s talking about himself. Maybe to the person in the mirror, idk. And the quip about the “singing something poppy in the same 4 chords” lyric is hilarious when compared to the style of pop of this song. I really like this song. Favorite so far.

Track 5: Too Young

Oh wow okay. Echos. This style seems so familiar to me, like a songwriter or a producer I’m familiar with made this. I don’t know what I feel about this song. I’m not getting sadness, it seems like it’s just so matter of fact. And that’s weird cuz Louis’ voice normally (and so far in this album) have been so expressive and emotional. This is weird. It might be how much echo there is…. this is weird. His voice kinda sounds distorted, like it’s been edited to sound even more soft and tender. Creeps me out a little, like listening to asmr. Maybe it’ll be better if I didn’t have earphones in.

Track 6: Walls

The title track of this album. This was released a few days or weeks ago. I might have listened to it once, but I haven’t even watched the music video yet. This vocal is so much better than the last one. “Nothing wakes you up like walking up alone.” I hear that. That’s happened to me once or twice lol. There are a LOT of instruments in this already, and I haven’t even gotten to the first chorus yet. I like the vocals in the chorus actually. Up and down, and up and down. Okay, I’m sorry did this man just rhyme lost and because???? I love that! That’s a quote right there. I really like the melody of this chorus. Oh wow. End with the opening line. Okay, Mr. Tomlinson, I see you.

Track 7: Habit

He really likes the combo of acoustic and electric guitars huh? OH MY GOD excuse me mister baritone wtfffffffff. Where did that come from??? LEMME START OVER. THAT THREW ME OFF lmfaooo. Aw, this is so sad. Aw, he misses crack cocaine. KIDDING!!! I like this song. Yeah, compare that person to a drug. I love that. I love this song, wow. “I was better with you”? Oh honey nooooo. Awww, I usually love bridges and Louis writes really good ones, but the lyrics in this song’s bridge is not okay with me. :( This is a fantastic song tho. Second favorite so far.

Track 8: Always You

Damn okay. Uptempo it after my heart just broke with the last one. I like the opening chords. OH WAIT, are these even chords? Whoah hold up. It went SUPER POP rn. Sounds kinda dance-y. Is there gonna be a bass drop in this song? I’m calling it now lol. What the fuck?? Bro. Wtf. This is SO POP I cannot even. I can’t focus on the lyrics cuz my head in is spinning. Is there a fuckin feature on this???? What the fuck is this. Okay, it’s over. What. The. Fuck. Was. That. Why the fuck was that song in this album??????? That’s so weird. Who let that happen??????? It’s so out of place!! I can’t. I have to move on.

Track 9: Fearless

Are those sounds of children? Ew. Wait a sec, is that shade? OMG These lyrics are soooooo shady. Yesssss I love this sound for him!!! It’s anger. YESSS. YELL BABY!! Claps. Who is this song for??? Who is the umbrella under?? Who are we shading, honey? I NEED TO KNOW omg. “Tell me do you still remember feeling young” YES BABY ROAST THEM. This is fuckin hilarious and this just knocked down Habit as my 2nd fave.

Track 10: Perfect Now

Strumming an acoustic. Awww, the lyrics of this song is so sweet. This would be a great song for him to sing by himself on stage in concert, him playing the guitar. That would be so sweet. I know there’s some violins, but the song don’t need that live. “I guess some queens don’t need a crown” It’s true hun, but it’s obviously the perfect accessory. “You make me feel like being someone” is such a fantastic line.

Track 11: Defenceless

Ugh, the British spelling, I guess lol. Okay lyrics, you’re strong. Okay kickdrum, you’re working overtime. I really like this. Nice drums on this one too. It felt kinda busy at first, but it works. “By YooOoUuUu.” I feel like I’m getting attacked. And I’m fucking defenseless (that’s not the British spelling lol).

Track 12: Only The Brave

The title sounds like an army thing lol. Okay, is this the 60s? I like the sound actually, it’s pretty cool. Retro. Wait, it’s over already?!?! I gotta listen again wtf. I didn’t even understand a word. I just heard that he went up to head voice thrice. Okay, again. “I’m breaking all my rules, I’m crying like a fool.” Wow. I get the sound now. I appreciate this a lot. I gotta read these lyrics. Seems to me he sang “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave” which wow. Amazing end of album line.

Final thoughts:

Louis Tomlinson is a very talented singer and songwriter. He has his sound and he’s not floundering about. This album proves it. I’m not mad at it at all. I liked almost every single song at first listen and I’m sure the only one I have a problem with will grow on me. I thought ending on Only the Brave was absolutely perfect. It is a very strong song to end on. Lastly, if you’d excuse the lame metaphor, this debut album is a strong wall which he can build more onto (with tours and more singles and more albums) so that in no time, he’d have a very tall building that can touch the sky.

My Top 3

3. Habit

2. Fearless

1. We Made It

Special Recognition to Only The Brave for being hauntingly raw and honest

[liam-93-productions]

Liam Payne is on the cover of Esquire Middle East's June 2019 issue

The One Direction star was photographed on a rainy day in London

During the shoot, Payne opens up about the media's obsession with romance rumours

"Most of what you read online about me is straight BS" says Payne

It’s raining in West London. Every weather man, woman, and app had forecast that sunshine would be on the agenda for the day. But no. It’s raining. So, we’re stuck inside instead.

Alternating between balancing on a set of dumbbells (...) Liam Payne doesn’t seem to mind all that much about the weather. He’s used to plans changing pretty quickly.

“I’ve found in my life at the moment, because of the way things have happened, that everything’s kind of fast-forwarded,” says Payne, his dark eyes lighting up like those of a prospector that’s just panned a nugget of gold, “everything has fast-forwarded.”

Payne’s lived pretty much his entire life on fast-forward. He had his first X-Factortelevision appearance at the age of fourteen. He embarked on his first world tour with a little band named One Direction—you might have heard of them—only four years later. The band sold more than 50 million albums worldwide, and had four albums debut at number one in the US charts. (...)

As Payne ambles about the studio, it’s hard not to notice that even the tattoo on his forearm bears a striking resemblance to the fast-forward button on a television remote. Or a Spotify skip button.

Having recently performed alongside Rita Ora at the Global Teacher Prize concert in Dubai, Payne looks healthy and tanned, kissed by the sun even though his visit to the region was greeted by weather not dissimilar to today’s overcast conditions. “I think the weather’s just following me around at the minute,” he says with a laugh as abrupt as the first half of a hiccup. “There’s an air of something almost Vegas-y about Dubai,” adds Payne, “everything’s a little bit of a show there.”

Payne is no stranger to bit of a show. As well as having spent the better part of a decade touring the world with One Direction (the band is currently on a definitely indefinite hiatus) Payne helped break a concert attendance record in the Middle East last year by performing in front of 110,000 people. “I didn’t eat anything at dinner beforehand because I was thinking no-one’s going to turn up,” he admits.

To make Liam Payne nervous certainly takes some doing. Back in 2009—when ambitions of winning X-Factor as a solo performer were still very much at the forefront of his mind—Payne sang in front of over 29,000 fans as part of the pre-match entertainment of a game between his local football team Wolverhampton Wanderers and Manchester United. A pretty heady experience for a boy not yet old enough to drive a car.

Now 25, Payne knew from an early age that he could “hold a tune”. What it took him longer to realise was that others couldn’t. “I think I thought it was just a normal thing that people could get on with,” he says with a shrug. That may well have been the case when it came to his local theatre group, but when considering most of the “normal things”that people “get on with”, we’d hazard a guess that the majority don’t involve amassing over two billion streams on Spotify.

But that’s Liam Payne for you: unassuming, self-effacing, and—for the most part—a guy who seems just genuinely happy to be here. It’s easy to forget when deliberating the merits of Linkin Park’s nu-metal masterpiece ‘Meteora’ with Payne that his face was once plastered on the bedroom walls of millions of tweens the world over.

Payne’s achieved extraordinary success in the quarter of a century he’s exhausted so far. So much so that you’d expect the moment that sparked off his passion for music to be equally spectacular. A real spontaneous Kevin Bacon dancing-in-an-abandoned-warehouse sort of epiphany. The reality is that it wasn’t romantic or sexy in the slightest. It was karaoke. “I used to go out to Cornwall and see my grandad and we’d always go to this karaoke bar and we’d sing a load of different stuff,” says Payne.

What sort of “stuff” does a future pop-star sing in a karaoke bar in a small town on the west coast of the UK? Well, the same oeuvre that you or I are have probably crooned into a microphone at midnight at Lucky Voice: ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams.

While Payne isn’t ashamed to admit that he was listening to Williams pretty much 24/7 as a youngster (“No, I really was”), one of the first CDs he bought with his own money was an Eminem record. Growing up with both Robbie Williams and Marshall Mathers as his idols, he places his own sound as “somewhere in-between the two”.

A little bit Slim Shady and a little bit Rock DJ, that intersection of pop and rap is reflected in Payne’s solo career so far. His debut single, the catchy-as-the-plague earworm ‘Strip That Down’, featured Migos alum Quavo and went on to be certified platinum in both the US and the UK. The title track of his First Time EP also saw Payne join forces with rapper French Montana. Payne’s certainly not the first popstar to align themselves with a more urban sound in an attempt to appeal to an older demographic. Nor will he be the last. The transition from squeaky-clean boyband member to fullyfledged solo artist is, after all, anything but easy. To use a Take That comparison: for every one Robbie Williams, there are a hundred Mark Owens.

When it comes to One Direction, it’s still a bit too soon to tell who the Robbies and the Marks of the bunch are going to be. “When we did the band stuff it was very—not exactly scripted—but let’s just say you kind of knew your audience very well,” says Payne. “We’d usually sell a tour out before we’d even done an album. And then they [the record producers] would go: ‘Right, you’re doing stadiums’. And then you’d go: ‘Okay, so we need longer choruses—the kind of songs that people can chant in a stadium’. You had to kind of write around the tour.”

If that process sounds a bit paint-by-numbers, that’s because—by Payne’s own admission—it was. “It’s a very backwards way to do it,” he admits, “obviously people don’t really tend to write like that. But we just had no time, so it was like: ‘Quick! We need another hit and another and another!’ It was actually easier to write in that scenario because there were so many hoops you had to jump through. It wouldn’t necessarily be my choice of music now—it wasn’t something that I would listen to—but I just knew how to make it, if that makes sense?”

Going from such a canned bop formula to a world of complete creative freedom is a daunting prospect for anyone looking to make it as a solo act. But that was far from the only challenge Payne faced. Streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music have drastically altered the music industry since the phone-to-vote days that launched One Direction. “The way that the industry kind of works now is kind of a difficult one because of the way albums are and the introduction of Spotify,” says Payne. “When I was in the band, Spotify wasn’t really a thing for us, we didn’t really care. We used to sell a lot of albums and physical copies, so it was different for us. As I got more into the solo stuff it was a kind of, like, a bit f**king confusing.”

All you need to do is look at the chains that Payne draped around his neck during the releases of a series of sophomore singles to see a man adopting a kabuki mask that didn’t quite fit. A man who was, in his words, a bit f**king confused. “‘Strip That Down’ was amazing and I was really happy with the success of it—but it didn’t necessarily paint the right picture of me and who I actually am,” he says, “I always found, to start off with, that with a lot of the chains and the clothes and the fashion, I was kind of hiding behind something. We did a billion streams for ‘Strip That Down’ but it still all gets a bit heady and at a certain point you’re like: ‘what the f**k am I doing here?’ It’s a bit like being stuck out in deep water and you’re just going ‘well, it would be really nice to get back now.’”

Payne might still be far from the shore, but he seems to be treading water at a more comfortable pace nowadays. “It took me a long to get my head around it,” he says (...)

And where is Liam Payne now? Well, he’s sat in front of me looking comparatively anxiety-free: comfortable and relaxed in a plain black tee and pair of tailored HUGO trousers. “My style and my fashion sense are all quite laid back now because that’s kind of the way I am as well. I don’t feel the need to hide behind the clothes anymore. I feel I can finally be who I am and enjoy myself.”

The last few years have witnessed a real boy-to-man transition for the ex-boy band squaddie. A coming-of-age moment came when he arrived at Frank Sinatra’s house in Palm Springs to record his part of ‘For You’ with Rita Ora. A crooning, finger-snapping, rather embarrassingly-waist-coated rendition of ‘Fly Me to The Moon’ was what Payne sang to get through his first ever X-Factor audition. Walking into Old Blue Eyes’ home, for Payne, came with the realisation that he’d “made that complete full-circle journey”.

Suffice it to say there’s no turning around for Payne in that journey when it comes to the fame front; he’s well in the thickets of the tabloid jungle. Headlines about who’s “breaking silence on romance rumours” with the popstar are a daily occurrence in the British papers. So too are accompanying photographs of his face. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Payne has, after all, got a rather nice face. The latest use of which has seen it become the face of Hugo Boss’s latest HUGO menswear line.

“To be honest, they called me and it just seemed to make a lot of sense at the time. It was a direction that I knew I’d love to go down,” says Payne on how his partnership with the brand first came about. “It’s very rare that a big company like Hugo Bosscomes around asking for you to be the face of it. It’s a bit of a dream come true actually.”

Previous Hugo Boss ambassadors include the likes of Chris Hemsworth, Jamie Dornan and Gerard Butler. Handsome faces. Familiar faces. Faces that are now forever immortalised in the public conscience. A fact that Payne is all-too conscious of himself. “I was looking through the different people that they’ve had on their roster over the years and they’re all people that I look up to,” says Payne, “So, I’m obviously quite excited but it’s also a bit daunting because these things,” he spreads his arms in a gesture that aptly sums up the rigmarole of press junkets and interviews, “are literally around for forever now.”

Moving from location to location and outfit to outfit, it becomes evident that dressing to hide who he is, is no longer on Payne’s agenda. As he’s grown (both figuratively and literally) in the public eye, and Payne’s now come to accept the lane he’s in. “I’ve become more in tune with things now,” he says, “as the years go by, I think you gain a different level of confidence and find out what works for you and what doesn’t, rather than constantly trying to be something that you’re not. If that makes sense?” It does.

What makes less sense is why Payne decided to go with chains in the first place “It was quite funny at the time when everyone used to get really mad about it,” he says referencing outraged headlines like: Sleepy Liam Payne leaves a London studio wearing a HUGE gold chain. “It just didn’t really matter to me.”

What matters to Payne is when those stories affect the lives of those around him. One particular article published in the British newspaper, The Daily Mail, last year that attempted to insinuate he was romantically linked with a member of his team irked Payne so much that the usually apolitical Twitterer took to social media to criticising the newspaper.

“The difference with that story was that the people that they were putting me with have families, boyfriends, girlfriends,” explains Payne, “I go home every night and know that people write horses**t about me daily. I won’t worry about it because I know it’s f**king bulls**t. But for someone who’s never had a story written about them before? If they go home and their partner’s reading the paper going like: ‘what the f**k is this?’ It’s difficult for them to be able to explain that.” Payne’s voice ratchets up a few decibels when he says this. He uses more than a few words we’re not legally allowed to print. I can tell that he cares about this. That it needles him. That it’s not something he has to say, but rather something that he needs to say. So, I let him.“I asked for this, I get paid very handsomely to be here and it’s part of my life and I get it. It’s alright. You can write what the f**k you want about me but when it comes to other people who work with me? That is not on.”

The only way for Payne to cut through that noise is by doing the thing he knows best: making music. “Everything I do is very, very public a lot of the time. I get reported on a lot for different things. I just think there’s a certain line where I have to have my say. And that there’s only one way for me to do that—which is through my music.”

(...)

Communicating as a public figure becomes increasingly difficult when navigating the glut of information that exists online. Do a quick Google search for ‘Liam Payne’ and you’ll be greeted by countless fan sites with a never-ending litany of “facts” about the man. Facts like:

“Liam Payne prefers showers over baths” “Liam Payne sleeps naked” “Liam Payne has a phobia of spoons”

While Payne is quick to assure me that most of what you’ll read online is straight B.S., one fact did keep cropping up again and again. And I mean, c’mon, I couldn’t not ask him about the spoons, could I?

“Yeah, I did have a fear of spoons,” he groans with the weariness of a man who’s been pelted with countless pieces of cutlery, “but it wasn’t so much a fear as something that’s now turned into a thing because of the internet. I was forced in detention once to wash up dirty plates and spoons and I think it just put me off looking at how dirty some of these spoons came back. But people used to throw spoons at me in concerts! I should have said I had a fear of pillows—that would have been comfier.”

All things considered, a fear of spoons is a fairly harmless rumour to spread. But rumours rarely ever are. Most are vicious; spreading like wildfire and burning all of those they touch. “I’ve been dead,” says Payne abruptly. “People I love have been dead.”

The non-stop 24-hour nature of the news cycles can be overwhelming to read, let alone to be involved in via the announcement of your own death. “You have to learn fast and we [One Direction] had to grow up pretty quick in the circumstances that we were under or else you kind of f**k it a little bit,” he says. If you’ve ever seen clips of The Beatles or BTS getting mobbed on the streets, you know the kind of hysteria that can ensue when boyband members are seen out in public.

“I don’t think I struggle in the sense of what you would naturally think of when I’m walking down the street with every person stopping me,” says Payne, “I mean, it happens sometimes but it’s mainly mentally where you struggle with it. It’s the getting ready and always knowing that you might be photographed.” From elaborate airport fits to the loungewear he puts on to pick up a pint of semiskimmed milk from the shop down the road, there’s never a moment where Payne and his clothing aren’t in danger of becoming front page news.

One of the ways that Payne combats that simmering anxiety is by going for a run at 5am every morning. It’s probably why he’s been able to maintain his sanity so far. And probably why he’s in—as evidenced by his numerous topless Instagram photos—such great nick.

“I love it. I get myself outside and into the day and get past that fear of ‘what if this happens?’ or ‘what if that happens?’. Because, for a long time, I became—what’s the word?” says Payne, gesticulating wildly as if he’ll catch the phrase careening around his head like a runaway wasp, “there’s a word for this condition where you stay inside and never leave, it’s in Ocean’s Twelve…”

I saw Ocean’s Twelve last week. The word he’s looking for is agoraphobia.

“Yeah, that’s it. I developed a bit of agoraphobia. I would never leave the house. And I do sometimes suffer with it a bit in the sense that I’ll get days where I just don’t want to leave my house. Even if it’s just going to the shop. I’d be going i to order a coffee at Starbucks and I would sweat because I wouldn’t know whether I was doing the right thing or not. I would be thinking: ‘f**k, I don’t want to be here’.”

I worry for a moment whether Payne is feeling that same feeling today but decide instead to take likely misplaced solace that my innate knowledge of the Ocean’s film franchise has won him over.  “I even used to have a really bad problem with going to petrol stations and paying for petrol. I can feel it now—it was like this horrible anxiety where I’d be sweating buckets in the car thinking ‘I don’t want to do this’.”

Many people suffer from moments of panic and instances where we feel crushed by the weight of  the world’s expectations and Payne is all-too aware that his specific anxieties stem from a position of privilege. “Unfortunately, it does happen to everybody in this industry,” he says, “I think at a certain point you just have to get over it as quickly as you can.”

There we are once again: back to doing things quickly. Back to being on fast-forward. Back to doing countless interviews in specifically allotted time slots. Back to that constant pressure where “everything happens a little bit quicker in my world than it does in everyone else’s”.

Everything might be happening a hell of a lot quicker for Liam Payne than me, but I’m still interested to know: what’s next for the man? What does he want to achieve in the not-yet fast-forwarded future? “I’m hoping for something a lot more than what I’ve done so far, if that makes sense?” Having listened to Payne’s solo discography in preparation for this interview, it really does.

Sure, Payne’s produced a spate of bonafide bangers—songs that will have you singing along as you whip down Emirates Road—but they’re also songs that are, for the most part, still formulaic. They’re catchy, glossily well-produced, yet contain something of an air of inauthenticity about them.

And, having met Payne, I can’t help but feel they seem at odds with his unabashedly authentic self. As he tells me: “People can see right through that s**t and it’s difficult for you to then go and say ‘buy this record!’ if you don’t really believe in what’s going on.”

So, what does a man who’s (sort of) afraid of spoons actually believe in? Moreover, what does a man who eats ice cream with a fork want to be remembered as having believed in? “I’m obviously really happy with some of the stuff I’ve done. Like breaking world records with the band and all sorts of amazing stuff. But in the recent years, it’s been a bit topsy-turvy with me kind of finding my way. And I’d rather not be remembered for a lot of those things. I want to make a really amazing album that’s not, like,” and he air-quotes here, “important, but something that people really get into. Something that makes certain people feel a couple things. I think that would be the best thing for me. I just want to make people move, if that makes sense?”

In case you haven’t already noticed, that question (‘if that makes sense?”) is practically punctuation to Payne. It’s a caveat that ends many of his statements; an interrogation of his own beliefs and a moment where his PR armour reveals its chinks and offers a glimpse of the man beneath the surface. A man that is equal parts cocksure and uncertain—a man who’s very rarely both and almost never neither.

While he might be living on fast-forward—and shows no signs of slowing anytime soon—Liam Payne, for the moment at least, might just be in the midst of the most interesting time of his life. His legacy is currently being written, awaiting the day we’ll eventually look back with a clearer idea of whether he’s a Robbie Williams or a Mark Owen. As for me, I’m just hoping that the next evolution of Liam Payne’s career is a lot more Liam Payne than the last. If that makes sense?

[ivalice-tifalucis]

I just read about “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” yesterday which is something I read around twitter. Weird that I just found out about this. So everyone in Hollywood connected to Kevin Bacon. But I know someone who has even the craziest six degrees, Elton John!!!

Literally has been on my mind for a while, especially since I start loving Take That. Turns out if you think of any random singers, actors, any kinds of entertainers, especially if they are British, they definitely will have direct link to Elton John. The man influence in the world of entertainment industry is really huge. Most of these people are or were being helped by him related to alcoholic and drugs issue, also depression. Others are linked because they were working together. Then these people who linked to Elton John also linked to each other because, Idk, maybe because they both know Elton John??!!

I’m on procrastination mood so I’m gonna list every celebrity that I know that has link to Elton John:

Take That (especially Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams), without EJ, Gary will probably never sing again, Robbie would probably be dead by alcohol, Take That would never reunited.

Matthew Vaughn, has been EJ’s friend for years, not surprised at all that he directed Rocketman.

Taron Egerton, was on Rocketman

Richard Madden, was on Rocketman

Every other people on Rocketman that I can’t mention one by one.

David Bowie, was EJ’s close friend

Queen (especally Freddie Mercury), Freddie was EJ’s close friend. EJ also sang “The Show Must Go On” in the last performance of Queen with John Deacon in 1997, he also sang in Freddie’s tribute concert

Axl Rose (not directly, the rest of Guns N’ Roses), Axl is a fan of EJ, did duet with him in MTV Music Awards, also in Freddie’s tribute concert

Robert Downey, jr, RDJ was in Elton John’s music video long time ago when he was in rehab. EJ also helped him with his addiction. And if RDJ never recover from drug addiction he would never become Iron Man and MCU won’t be like where it is today without Iron Man, so...

(Then I just googled random British, actors, bands or singers)

Oasis, well they both bunch of pretentious assholes anyway, Elton John hate them but I think what made Gallagher brothers hate EJ is that EJ is close to Robbie Williams and Gallaghers hate Robbie (and suck it they can’t even stand each other now)

Keane, once covered one of EJ’s song, Tom Chaplin also got helped by EJ about his drug addiction.

The Beatles, EJ did cover of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” with John Lennon as backing vocal and guitar under pseudonym

Ok, now I’m tired. But you get what I mean.

[harrisonstories]

In this photo Natalya Sazanova is on the far right, Sripad Maharaj is to the left of Ravi Shankar, and George Harrison is behind them (1974)

Tuitions in Vrindavan: When a Russian Indologist taught George Harrison Hindi (20 Sep. 2019)

by Ajay Kamalakaran

When she agreed to teach the legendary English singer Hindi in the 1970s, India scholar Natalya Sazanova had no idea who the Beatles were. Over four months of lessons, George Harrison preferred to keep his fame a secret

On an otherwise uneventful day in Vrindavan in 1974, Natalya Sazanova, a Russian Indologist with a deep interest in Hinduism, was introduced to a “charming young” Englishman by sitar maestro Pandit Ravi Shankar. Decades later, Sazanova, who was one of the best-known professors at the Lomonosov Moscow State University, would tell Russian newspaper Novie Izvestiya in an interview that the young man, who had a ponytail and was wearing a “checkered American jacket and Indian sarong” listened closely as Ravi Shankar and Sazanova spoke in Hindi.

The Russian was so proficient in Hindi that she had defended a thesis on the work of Hindi playwright Bharatendu Harischandra for her candidature of philological sciences degree (equivalent to a masters in philosophy) in 1962.

“George,” who did not understand what the conversation was about, asked the Russian Indologist to teach him Hindi.

“He had an absolute talent,” Sazanova said. While most of her students took about six years to master conversational Hindi, the Beatle managed to learn well in just four months of “irregular” classes. “George grasped the spoken language on the fly. He particularly learnt bhajans fast and sang them.”

Sazanova was also mesmerised with how George mastered the sitar so quickly. “I was so impressed that I asked him, ‘George, what do you do for a living.’ He was terribly embarrassed [by that time, he was world famous]. He said, ‘Actually, I’m a professional musician.’” She added that Ravi Shankar smiled when he heard this.

The teacher, completely ignorant of her student’s fame, asked him to keep a small concert, to which he agreed. “One of the concerts that George and Shankar arranged for several friends, including me, was on a moonlit night in a deserted spot on the banks of the Yamuna River,” Sazanova said. “It was simply amazing. The three of them played—Ravi Shankar, George and an Indian flautist—and I hadn’t heard anything like it before.”

Unfortunately, there were no recordings of the concerts. “Tape recorders were still rare at that time,” Sazanova said. “Today, I am very sorry that at that time I did not have any device. The only thing left are photo slides.”

Spiritual Path

At that time, Sazonova and Harrison were both pursuing their interest in Hinduism. The Russian’s spiritual guru Sripad Maharaj also had an influence on the Beatle. Harrison’s song It is He (Jai Shri Krishna) was based on a bhajan taught to him by Sripad Maharaj.

Sazanova recalled how spirituality and Hinduism always came up during their lessons. “We could not get around philosophy in conversations with him, but I was engaged in Hare Krishna bhakti,” she said. “As much as I could, I explained to George the connection of music with bhakti. I explained that since everything in the world was connected, words and music could not exist separately.”

Harrison, who was well versed with the Bhagavad Gita, chanted the Hare Krishna mantra, and regularly communicated with Srila Prabhupada, the founder of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness or ISKCON, as it’s popularly called. “More than once I attended their meetings and I can say that George always listened very carefully to what the guru told him.”

Harrison never spoke of his fame or international stature during those four months. Once their lessons were over, he wrote a small note in Sazanova’s diary. “I was extremely happy to meet you. You made a tremendous impression on me. God Bless You.”

International Music Sensation

Sazanova did not make too much about her lessons in Vrindavan and thought of them as nothing but one of many pleasant experiences in the country that she had dedicated her life to understanding.

Back in Moscow, she shared her photographs from her time in Vrindavan and then came the excitement. “Oh My God! This is Harrison,” a student screamed. The students then went on explain who the English musician learning Hindi was. They were impressed out of their wits when they heard that George Harrison actually dedicated a song to their teacher at one of his small private concerts by the Yamuna.

It’s a myth that the Beatles were officially banned in the Soviet Union. While anything associated with Western culture was looked upon with great suspicion, there was no Brezhnev-era government call for citizens to not listen to the British band. One of the major reasons that the music of the Beatles wasn’t easily available in the USSR in the mid-1960s was the hostility and envy of Soviet composers. Russian composer Nikita Bogoslovsky once referred to the band as the “dung beetles”.

However, John Lennon’s statement that the band was more popular than Jesus Christ was welcomed by the ideological newspaper Pravda. By the time Sazanova was back in Moscow from Vrindavan, her students would have most likely listened to a poor quality record that was sold by a company called Melodiya. The album cover didn’t have the name of the band but chose to call them a “Vocal Instrumental Ensemble.” Muscovites could also hear the Beatles music on Radio Luxembourg.

The message in Sazanova’s diary and her photographs became the talk of the university in 1975. On hearing that her student in India was a legend in the world of music, she started listening to the Beatles and Harrison’s individual songs. She also listened regularly to her student’s songs that were dedicated to Krishna.

Harrison did not forget his Hindi teacher after he went back to the West. He sent Sazanova a book about Krishna, where he had written the preface. The preface ends with words familiar to each and every fan of the Beatles: ‘Give peace a chance. All you need is love.’

An Illustrious Career in Indology

Sazanova continued her scholarship of Hindi and Sanskrit literature for the next three decades. In 1984, she obtained a PhD by defending a thesis on ‘The Creativity of Surdas and the North Indian Literary Tradition of the 16th to 19th centuries.’

She also cultivated a close friendship with Russian-Indian artist Svetoslav Roerich and his wife, actress Devika Rani. She was on the board of the Moscow Nicholas Roerich Society from its founding in 1980 till her death in 2006.

Sazanova remained a lifelong devotee of Krishna. She was grateful to Harrison for the role he played in popularising Hinduism in the West. In her interview to Novie Izvestiya, she said movements such as “Krishnaism” gave non-Indians the opportunity to access ancient spiritual systems. “Doesn’t George’s sincerity reflect in the (spiritual) songs he composed,” she asked.

In Sazanova’s Footsteps

Once the Soviet Union collapsed in 1992, there were no restrictions of any kind on cultural and musical imports. Along with the growth of popularity of their music, rumours resurfaced of the Beatles actually performing in secret in the Kremlin in the 1960s. Some fans still erroneously believe that the song Back to the USSR was inspired either by this “secret performance” or after another (falsely) rumoured visit of the Fabulous Four to Moscow on account of an emergency landing.

When the story of a Moscow State University professor teaching George Harrison Hindi once again began to do the rounds in the Russian capital in 2005, journalist Ekaterina Maksimova, then 18, decided to check if it was a hoax. “It was very difficult to believe the whole story, so my friend and I decided to try and get in touch with Dr Sazanova,” Maksimova says. “We went to the Moscow State University to find her. She was still a part of the faculty of the Institute of Asian and African Studies.”

On hearing that the girls wanted to know more about the Indologist’s experiences with George Harrison, she invited them home. The excited students went to Sazanova’s home on Russian Orthodox Christmas (January 7th) morning in 2006 and saw some photos and the diary. “Some sceptics have raised questions over the authenticity of the autograph, but I have no doubts,” Maksimova says. “George Harrison had a very unique signature; he used to write his name in a very characteristic manner.”

Over cake and tea, Maksimova and three friends spoke to Sazanova in detail about her interactions with Harrison. “We just sat there, pouring in the questions, still in disbelief that George Harrison’s teacher was sitting in front of us,” she says. “It was unreal. It doesn’t happen… We were so excited that it turned into an interrogation about George.”

Even after three decades, the Russian Indologist was in awe of the music legend’s humility, sincerity and manners. “I remember her telling us several times during the conversation that George was polite and modest,” Maksimova says. “She also told us that he took the lessons very seriously and spent a lot of time praying and reading and citing religious texts.”

Sazanova also spoke of her guru Sripad Maharaj, her passion for Hindi literature, Sanskrit and Hinduism, inspiring Maksimova to enroll at the Moscow State University’s Institute of Asian and African Studies. She studied Hindi, Sanskrit and Urdu and specialised in Chhayavad-era literature, but unfortunately could not study under Sazanova.

Although Sazanova was still a member of the faculty of the Moscow State University, she was too weak to travel daily to the campus in 2006. A handful of students would go for lessons to her apartment, which was in southwestern Moscow.

“When I called her home in June 2006, her son told me that she had passed away,” Maksimova says. “It was a terrible shock for me. I had always loved India, but I found out about the Institute of Asian and African studies only because of her… But more than that, the very idea of being a student of the same teacher who taught George Harrison, was thrilling. It would almost feel like being his classmate.”

Maksimova, who now works for a leading private television channel in Moscow, is a regular visitor to India and has often contemplated organising Beatles tours to Rishikesh and Vrindavan for Russians.

The transcripts of George Harrison’s interviews about Indian culture and Hinduism have been widely translated into Russian. Ardent fans of the music legend in the country take great pride in his Russian connection and the fact the he was in a way a bridge between Russia and India.

[lokis-lady-death]

Bake-tastic One

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Lady Death: I tagged anyone I thought might be interested! Just a simple two part story about a girl meeting a man and baking some cupcakes.  I did this by request for a super awesome mutual’s birthday! @kcd15 I hope you enjoy it, I’m so sorry it’s late but you get two parts for being so patient <3 Hope you enjoy!

Bake-tastic

Step One: Introductions

“Don't Stop Believin’  by Journey,” you recognized immediately. “Good choice.” There was no hiding the delight on your face as you laid back in your chair, slipped on your sunglasses, and sang along to the tune.

You couldn't help but think this is how everyone should spend a day off, lounging on a balcony in California, dazing in and out of a mid-day nap to the sound of soulful tunes on the perfect playlist.

It was such a cliche spring morning, really. The sky was that bright shade of blue with sparse clouds, the breeze blew just enough that it kept the air at the right temperature. The city was even more peaceful than usual, with birds chirping, kids playing and hardly any cars passing by your condominium. The only real sound you heard was the music emanating from your neighbor's place above your head.

The main reason you enjoyed these days? Frankly, you needed the distraction. You were a full time barista at a local big bakery that catered to the cupcake-addicted southern L.A. day walkers and all you wanted was to unwind. Bake-tastic, despite its horrifically punny name, was actually an up and coming hangout spot that was making a name for itself among the baked goods industry.

The only problem?

You weren't baking.

Growing up in the south, you had loved everything about baking since you were a little girl in your grandmother’s kitchen, playing in her aprons and sneaking off with her cookbooks, but it wasn't until when you sister asked you to move to move to Cali  that you decided to act on your passion.

But, as it turned out, if you want to bake here, you needed experience. Experience no one was willing to give you. All you had managed to do was make coffee and take orders for cakes and other treats you weren’t allowed to actually create.

That honor was left to the owner of the bakery, a man whom, in your months of working there, had never once come in during the day shift. You never met the mysterious baker, but couldn’t deny his talents the first time you tried his mixed berry tarte. Everything he created was a miniature masterpiece all their own. You wanted desperately tk meet him, or even more, bake with him, but that was a quickly squashed dream. He kept to himself, prefering to come after closing to bake everything throughout the night. The next morning, when you and your coworkers would arrive, all you would need to do was set out the new baked goods and make coffee. The others were fine with the remedial tasks, but you were not.

It wasn’t necessarily living the dream, but the music had a nice way of dulling out the disappointment.

If your sister had been out there she would be complaining about it, but truthfully you enjoyed your little free concerts. It required no work on your part and in today's world, you could use some mindless way to unwind. It wasn't long before you recognized a pattern in when the music played: usually in the afternoons of week days, stopping promptly at seven, Saturday morning and most of Sunday. Not particularly meaning to, you began to plan breaks outside around when the neighbor would have their music on. It had become a sort of ritual: weekdays when you got off work you would shower, throw on your bathrobe, and come lounge until seven. On weekends, you spent your mornings sipping coffee in your pajamas.

This Saturday was no different. Right at six in the morning, the neighbor's sliding door opened, releasing a symphony of classic rock music out into the world. Here you were, ready to soak it up as you sang out the stress of your week through lyrics of musical geniuses with a cup of coffee in one hand and a freshly made strawberry Danish in the other.

It was around thirty minutes later, as you were going along to Matchbox Twenty’s 3am that your tone began to carry. By the second verse you had gotten a bit carried away, singing along and dancing in your chair as the words you had known by heart for nearly two decades came pouring out. You had become some enamored by the words that you didn't even notice the music had been turned down.

When the next song began, you took in one last deep breath of spring air, stretching your arms up above your head until you heard that satisfying pop of your shoulders. You had been rejuvenated and were ready for whatever the rest of your Saturday brought.

But just when you turned to walk back into the apartment, you heard someone ask, “Oh, are you going in already?”

There was no stopping the loud curse word from escaping your lips as you tried to pull yourself back into your skin. Whipping around, you expected to see a man to go along with that sharp comment.

Yet you were alone, left only with the sound of a haughty laugh.

“I'm terribly sorry, I certainly didn't mean to frighten you.” You distinctly noticed the smart British accent as he went on, “It's just that I had been listening to you sing so I thought I ought to say something….”

Your face felt it had caught fire by embarrassment of someone, a stranger- a possibly handsome British stranger- had heard you singing. A hand slapped over your mouth to stifle a gasp.

You were so mortified you could scream, but there was also a part of you curious how much he had heard.

When you still didn't respond, the englishman went on, “She's gone and I'm here talking to myself, aren't I?”

“No,” you couldn't help but laugh nervously, “I'm still here.”

“Good. I'd look rather mad out here going on to an invisible woman, wouldn't I?”

The two of you shared a laugh, followed by an unfortunate silence before he added, “It seems we have a similar taste in music. You know just about every song I ever play.”

Again your cheeks went ablaze.

“I mean, it's not like I just come out here and listen to you, that would be absurd. It's just, you come out here nearly every time I turn on my ipod, surely you noticed?”

You realized it was the same neighbor who played the music every day. Biting down on your lip, you stopped from admitting you planned your free time at home around when he turned his tunes on. The two of you were starting to sound like either a cheap romance movie from Hallmark channel or a murder documentary off Investigative Discovery .

When you still hadn't spoken up, he rambled on. “That possibly came across a bit awkward, I didn't mean it as though I'm just out here listening to you…” he corrected. “I only meant I enjoyed what I've heard.”

At that you had to smile.  His tone was sincere enough, even a tad cute as he tripped over himself, but with that accent alone he sent a flutter through your stomach.

‘Is that what I'm reduced to?’ you wondered, ‘Pining after men because of accents?’

“I haven't heard you leave, does that mean I didn't completely ruin this first impression?”

At that, you couldn't keep quiet. “Your first impression was actually Bruno Mars That's What I Like,” you teased, almost annoyed with how airy your voice came out.

Maybe it was because he wasn't in front of you or maybe it was because his voice just oosed with charm, but there was something else that just pulled at you.

“Well, was it a good impression?”

Your smile widened. “It's improved.”

He let out a roar of a laugh, even clapping his hands at the retort. “That's good," he paused," I don't suppose you'll be back out today?"

The question struck you, making you bite down on the inside of your cheek.

“We'll see,” you said finally. “It'll depend on what you play.”

“I suppose I'll have to make the playlist extra special then, won't I?” he returned, a touch of smugness etching into his tone.

You smiled again, opening the door to step back into your apartment as you tried to answer as nonchalantly as possible, “I suppose you will.”

As soon as you closed the door, you bolted to your sister's room to wake her up.

You threw her door open as you called out, “Steph? Hey, Steph, do you know the guy that lives in the upstairs apartment? Steph, wake up!”

She rubbed her eyes, letting out a deep yawn just before stretching out her back like a cat. “What guy? The loud one?”

Your eyes rolled back while you grunted, “Yes! Do you know what his name is?”

Her shoulders shrugged, her eyes lulled in a half sleep, half hungover state. “He is simply known as Loud British Jerk.”

Your brow creased, “How do you not know his name but you know he's British?”

“Because he talks, like, super loud and always has his doors open.”

Reasonable answer, but your sister was also one of the single most nosey women you had ever known. You leaned in, pressing on, “What else do you know about him?”

“Nothing? Jeeze, y/n, I don't eavesdrop on people anymore. What's gotten into you, did he play a song that got your panties all ruffled? You wanna go bake him granny's old apple turnover and tell him you like his butt? ”

“First off that's not even the phrase you think it is, second I think a simple yes or no would suffice.”

Going to stand up, sure that it was a waste of time to expect her help, Steph took your hand.

“Geeze, sorry, didn't realize you were so worked up. Come on, sit.” You sat down on the side of her bed while she scooted up on her pillow to better reach her cellphone. “Look, I'll text Lexi, she works down at the pool, she knows all the hot guys who live here.”

You couldn't help but scoff, “Thanks, I guess?”

“So you know what that means? If she doesn't know his name, he's not hot.”

She offered you her cheesiest, exaggerated wink she could muster, earning a short snort out of you before you shook your head. “I need to go take a shower, I guess let me know if she says anything.”

“Alright, and I'll see if I can pull him up on social media.”

You walked out to the pleasant sound of Steph texting her friend, knowing soon you might have a name to go with that voice you couldn't get out of your head.

*****

Tom had been outside listening to you for over thirty minutes before he had mustered up enough courage to actually say something to you.

It wasn't something he had particularly planned, though he had meant to speak to you sooner. The thing was, he wasn't from around there and there were certain normalities he didn't quite understand.

Certain ones were less socially involved, such as driving on the wrong side of the road, the use of American made cars verses the German models he bad grown up with.

But it was earlier that week when Chris, his Australian work friend, came by to go over a project they were collaborating on that he noticed his social cues might need some help.

They had just been discussing an upcoming book deal they were working on together when Tom suddenly quieted his friend before reaching for his Ipod to turn the music down.

“What are you-”

“Shhh,” Tom instructed with a finger pressed to his confused friend's lips. “Listen.” He held a hand to his ear, cut his eyes towards the open balcony doors and smiled. “Don't you hear it?”

Chris furrowed his brow but did what he was told, just a bit less enthusiastically. After a minute he finally answered, “Singing?”

“Yes, but more than that. What else?”

“Well she clearly doesn't know the words to Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

“No!” Tom corrected sharply. “Can't you hear it? You can practically feel her soul coming out in these words. It's just so real, so… Refreshing.” His back turned and he began filling his mother's old kettle with water, going on, “She does it every day, just goes outside and sings along to my music. It's the most peculiar thing.”

“I sing along to the radio all the time, you never say nice things to me about it?”

“Yes, but this is different. She's coming outside to sing to MY music.”

“And?”

“And? And?!” Tom three his hands into the air, going on, “And, he says.” There was a silence between the two of them as the song cut off and the singing stopped. Tom set the kettle on the stove and turned back to face the still creased-browsed Chris. “I don't know, it's just nice to me, I suppose.”

It was now time for Chris to speak and he really just didn't know where to begin. “So you interrupted me telling you how much money we are about to make on this cookbook deal because you were listening to your neighbor sing to herself?”

“When you say it like that it sounds ridiculous.”

“That's exactly what it is!”

“Oh no, it's not like that. She does it all the time, it's kind of like our thing.”

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and Inhaled sharply. “Your thing, eh? And who is this lucky young lady that you eavesdrop on a daily basis?”

“Eavesdrop?” he laughed but wasn't smiling. “I'm, no, I'm not eavesdropping, I'm just simply appreciating someone else's ability to let go. It's no different than listening at a karaoke bar. ” His confidence lessened when he quietly remarked, “Also, I don't know her name.”

“Have you even spoken to her?”

“No, we haven't the chance…”

“You know she's outside every single day, what do you mean there wasn't a chance?”

Tom's mouth opened to oppose but no words ever materialized. Slowly he closed his mouth and swallowed a lump in his throat. “I should talk to her then?”

“In the very least introduce yourself, what harm would it do? You never talk to the hot girls I hire for you at the bakery, the least you can do is talk to one that for whatever reason you started stalking her. Talk about music.”

Fast forward to the day he actually managed to speak to you. Now, after making a complete arse of himself, he didn't know if you would ever come outside again and what was worse he didn't even remember to tell you his name.

"Perhaps that's for the best," he reasoned, "I could still mend this first impression."

After he knew you had left, he bolted inside to find his phone. He texted Chris what happened and waited impatiently for him to respond with:

~Actually, about that neighbor girl, I got a REALLY interesting call from Lexi you may wanna know about~

Tom’s brow furrowed at the comment, curiously asking what he heard.

He called him and  nearly fell out of his chair at the news.

*****

The steam of your shower had filled up your room by the time you came sashaying out. With a towel around your waist, you planted yourself down at your desk and opened up your laptop. Just as you opened the web browser, Steph can barging in.

“Y/N!”

Your hands went up instinctively to cover your chest, cursing out, “What the hell!”

“I got it!” she exclaimed, “And you are just gonna DIE!”

“His name, you got his name?” Your grin stretched from ear to ear as you pressed further, “Well? What is it?!”

“I can do one better,” she teased, holding her Tiffany blue phone out for you to see. “I found him on Facebook, and Look!”

You had to lean back for the up close image to fully resonate with your retinas, but when you got a good glimpse, you took the phone from her hand and stared.

It was his profile picture, a face to go along with that voice. The image only showed him from the waist up, dressed in jeans and a white button up, but to you it showed enough. His eyes stood out immediately, a striking seafoam blue that sparkled along with the toothy grin he offered the camera. His hair was a strawberry blonde that was neatly trimmed but still long enough to curl. High cheekbones, sun-kissed skin, along with the more than sunny backdrop of his photo painted a portrait of an outdoorsy, fun loving sort of guy. Looking at him while imaging that velvety English accent sent a shiver down your toes that you couldn't hide.

“A total babe, right?” your sister beamed. “And judging by his profile, he's single!”

You swallowed hard. “That, yeah, that's awesome.” It felt like he was staring back at you through the photo, and finally you made yourself scroll over to see his name. “Tom,” you said out loud with a smile.

Steph reached over and took her phone from you, offering you, “I haven't even told you the best BEST part. My friend is dating his friend and guess what?”

You stared at her, blank faced. “What?”

“He’s the guy who owns Bake-tastic! This is the guy you’ve been pining over since you moved here!”

You looked over at your laptop, thinking about how many times you wondered what the mysterious baker must look like, googling and yet failing to ever find any remnants of him. Judging by his way with sweets, you honestly expected a thicker, maybe older gentleman, not someone worthy of being a model.

But that’s not what you saw.

Looking him over, taking it all in, realizing it was his playlist you had been listening to all this time, his pastries you had been idolizing, you wondered if maybe this was a sign.

“You know what you gotta do right?” your sister asked with a playful grin.

“What?”

She scoffed as if the answer was obvious. “You gotta go bake with him!”

At that, you made a sour face, shaking your head at the very notion. “No, he doesn’t like teaching and he certainly wouldn’t want a novice messing up a days’ worth of work. No, I’m not doing that-”

“Oooo, that’s too bad,” Steph ached, her face not reflecting the sympathy her voice tried to persuade. “Because I definitely told my friend to ask about you helping out in the bakery.”

“You WHAT?”  

As it turned out, Steph’s friend Lexi was dating Chris Hemsworth, a well known heir of the Hemsworth Lodging hotels. His image was the only one you could ever come across in your searches for Bake-tastic's ownership. He made donations to various organizations and raised money for charities, but what wasn't oublically as well known was his investments he made in his friends.

Tom just happened to be one of those friends, a baker in need of a bakery. So, Chris forked up the money and Tom got straight to work, building a name for himself in L.A. while Chris managed the business side of it. The only issue for Tom was he felt very out of place in such a large city, even as diverse at it was. Nothing about it ever quite felt like home, so rather than branch out into the world, he worked late hours and insisted on solitude.

It felt bizzare hearing the story from Steph, but it made you feel better when she assured you Chris and Tom didn’t know all the details about you.

“I just said my friend’s sister is an aspiring baker and would love to, like, shadow Mr. Hiddleston or whatever. I gave them your name, but only because you work at the bakery,” Lexi assured when you called to ask exactly what happened. “Chris was more than happy to ask Tom if he was willing to show you around his kitchen and he said for you to come tonight.”

“Tonight?” you exploded, realizing you hadn’t the mental preparation needed to meet the British bombshell of a baker  after that awkward balcony encounter. “What if he knows it’s me?”

“He’s never met you, just listened to you sing a few lame songs. How would he know it’s you?”

*****

“Oh, it’s definitely her,” Chris repeated over the speaker phone to Tom. “See, here, I’ll forward you her info.”

Tom stared blankly at the Facebook page, gazing into your eyes as he matched it with the voice he had heard earlier that day. His phone dinged as he received a forwarded email from Chris containing your original job application to Bake-tastic as well as a copy of your driver's license.

“That is just too much of a coincidence, surely you’re pulling my leg?” Tom snipped, shaking his head. But looking down at your image, he hoped it wasn’t foolish to want it to be true. “And she wants to bake with me?”

“Lexi made it clear, she came to California to be a baker and she loves everything you make in the shop. And the best news? She already has a serious crush on you! I’m telling you, if you want to make a better first impression on this woman, you need to let her work with you tonight.” When he didn't immediately agree, Chris added, "I already told her to be there at six, all you have to do is show up and be charming."

Tom inhaled sharply, staring at the image a bit longer before finally conceding.

*****

You had gone through numerous outfits while you tried to figure out what you were going to wear. Jeans, skirts and leggings were all thrown around your room, shirts crumbled up on the floor, shoes spilled out of your closet as you tossed pair after pair aside.

Your sister had finally come and picked out something for you: a loose fitting blue t-shirt dress with gray closed toe wedges. "Not too dressed up to work in a kitchen, but nice enough to hopefully get a callback from your impromptu date," Stroh said, stepping back to admire her creation. "AND IT HAS POCKETS!"

"It's not a date, it's a baking lesson if anything," you corrected, though after you put your hands in the pockets and did a twirl, you had to admit your heart was fluttering at the idea of an all night cooking session with Tom.

However, when it was finally time for you to leave, you started choking up. "I can't," you started spatting off over and over." I can't, this is a bad idea, what if I mess up one of his recipes? What if I embarrass myself? What if I use salt instead of sugar?" your eyes widened, "What if he doesn't like me?"

"You'll be fine, just do what you always do!" When you still looked unsure, she went on, "You're great, y/n, and he'd be an idiot not to see it. A beautiful, British idiot. " Steph offered you a sincere smile, enough to spur you on. "And for the love of everything decent, please flirt!"

You swallowed hard, did one last look over in the mirror, then grabbed your purse and made the fifteen minute walk down the block to the bakery.

When you arrived, the main store front had the lights off, but from the kitchen door you could see a faint illumination.

Tom was just beyond that light.

Repeating, "I can do this," to yourself, you walked through the front door, setting off the gentle ding of the bell that alerted staff of a customer arriving.

“Hello?” you called out, unsure if you had the right time. Looking down at your phone, you were only a couple of minutes early so rather than wait in the doorway, you went on in. Your mind began urging, begging, pleading for you to turn back. It’s not too late, it said, go ahead, high tail it out of here.

‘No. I have to do this,’ you pushed on. ‘I have to know what’s beyond that door.’

Mustering up the courage, feeling something in the pit of your soul tell you this was right, you called out again, “Hello? Mr. Hiddleston? I'm here to, uh, help for tomorrow's set up?"

A loud, disembodied voice came from the kitchen, “Yes, come into the back! And lock that door, won’t you? Don’t need anyone walking in off the street.”

You swallowed, feeling your heart begin to pound as you set the lock. Slipping your phone in the pocket of your dress, you tucked your purse under the cash register before walking back towards the kitchen.

Like my garbage? Read more of it! Master List

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[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Two broken hearts, a man and a woman (Some big ol' Samuel Drake headcanon story)

A/N: I am not broken-hearted, don't take it as such. I don't even have a relationship and most likely a heart. This is for my dear friend who is through that shit. She asked for this, so I am only delivering.

Mood for this: Shallow and Always Remember Us This Way by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, bcs I'm not over that fucking movie even after a month I've seen it.

❕If you're sensitive, be aware that this doesn't have a happy ending, alright?❕

Let's start from the begging, not from the end.

You haven't met by a coincidence, to be honest.

Your friends were far too clever for that (those little bitches).

You've been single for a long time and they were like:

"Ah, that Drake boyo is a dreamy one. Funny, charming, nice..."

"Shut up, Carmen. Not interested."

But they didn't listen tho. They arranged a concert of some not-so-known couple in a pub near to your home. So you couldn't say that I can't come bcs I would get home late and I'm actually working, Carmen, one of us must be the adult one, ya know?. Sly foxes, those friends of yours.

And then, all of a sudden, there that man was.

Maybe he was a bit too much older for you. Maybe more experienced. Maybe more sympathetic than you were. But that was something that attracted you to him.

He told you that his name is Sam, but a sweet little princess like you can call him Sammy. (And you chuckled, didn't you? Don't lie to me. I heard you.)

So you sat on those bar stools, drank beer and listened to those sweet ballads that were sung by the couple for the other one.

"They're kinda sweet, I'm not gonna lie," he said.

"Yeah. I feel how I am melting because of their love."

He was drinking beer in a sexy manner as well as he was smoking his cigarettes. You didn't mind that he's a smoker, because one of your exes was. He spoke in a sexy manner... Girl, you were into him big time.

Carmen was right apparently.

He walked with you to your home, covering you in his denim jacket, because it was raining heavily. You laughed and run through the streets, laughing like two children.

That's when you told yourself that you didn't see him for the last time.

And fuck, that kiss at your door. He held your face in his palms tightly as he tried to make-out, your breath away. Your tongues danced in a weird manner because it was your first kiss.

You had to learn a lot of things about each other. How to kiss each other, how to make him laugh, his routines and strange addictions and so on.

At the end of that kiss, you both laughed as crazy and you actually rose your hands up and danced and sang in the rain.

Your old neighbor wasn't glad.

"Can I see you again, miss Y/N?"

"I think I can arrange that, somehow. You know, I have a lot of work and I am a bit busy these days."

"So you're a busy and a bossy woman, I see. I kinda am into that, just to let you know."

"Go!" You cried out, laughing. He was unbelievable. "Go or you'll miss your bus."

Later you realized that you kept his jacket.

And you smelled to it all night long, even tho it was so wet that water was dripping from it.

And so, you were falling in love again. And it felt so good.

He was really funny and charming. And even tho he looked like the biggest womanizer of them all, he was actually a sensitive and romantic soul.

Him playing on guitar for was a sure thing. (Maan, just imagine him singing Shallow for you as if it was meant to be sung only for you... Gee.

His voice mesmerized you and you always curled up into a ball when he started to sing, smiling at him and running fingers through your hair. Your eyes were shining as you watched his fucking long fingers smoothing the guitar.

You had your spot under a tree on a cliff above the town, where you sat and sung because you thought that no-one will hear your terrible voice there; but to him, it was angelic.

He even sang a song that he wrote for you at that place for the first time. You cried like a little girl.

He bought you a bouquet of flowers for every chance he got. Your birthday? Yep. Your name day? Of course. Something big happened at work? A beautiful bouquet of sunflowers was a sure thing. When he couldn't think about anything else than you? Expect some delivery service dropping off flowers at your door.

When he felt like it, he cooked for you.

He must help your hand every time you were out in public together.

Sometimes he disappeared for a month or two, because of his work, but you could expect some darn expensive stuff coming by mail almost every week. And a ton of calls and sweet texts, images of the surroundings... He couldn't think about anything but you. He was into you just as much as you were into him.

And his kisses were deeper and much sweeter when he got home.

You guys moved together after a year of dating (Camila yelled Finally! when you told her.)

He had a lot of things and even though you joked that maybe he'll have to throw out a lot of them because you hadn't the space for that, it finally felt like home. You weren't alone at all and it felt right.

He tidied up after himself, his clothes were neat and he was the dishwasher of your home. Those were the ground rules.

Only after he moved in, you started to make love to each other.

He didn't want to rush at all. Just... When you felt like sleeping with him, then you two started to love each other physically.

He was a really tender lover per se. He was ghosting over your skin when there was a rainy night and you two couldn't fall asleep. He loved to kiss you gently on those sweet spots on your chin and shoulders.

Most of the times, you were the one touching the stars in the end, because he lived for the sight of your body trembling and your lips whispering his name like if you were praying to god.

But when you felt like, he was into everything you wanted. When you were curious and wanted to try something new? Let's do it!

First I love you came about after a year and a half of your dating.

You were just sitting on your balcony, playing with your hair and reading a book when he came with an ice-cream in his hands, slowly licking it from his spoon.

"I am in love with you," he said and you shot your look at him with your opened as if you misheard what he said. You loved him as well, sure thing. It could be felt within your touches and laugh, he was making you happy. You felt like if you were flying in the clouds when you were with him. "You know that, right?"

"Samuel, I-I... I love you as well, hope that you're aware of that, baby."

"Lovely!" He exclaimed as if it was one thing off the list and even tho you saw the joy in his eyes. He couldn't be more excited and the joy just brightened him up instantly. "You up for some Brooklyn Nine-Nine?"

"Sure thing."

You two were something that everyone wants to find in their lives.

You were the funny and dork couple who laughed and joked around a lot, but even tho, could be seen that you're so madly in love that nothing else mattered when you were together. He was caring and you were empathic, he had a lot of crazy ideas and you just agreed. It was like if you were just made for each other.

Almost every one of your friends loved to spend evenings with you two. You even weren't that much of kisses and touches in front of people, you kissed only once a time and he was hugging your shoulder, that was the most intimate you got in society, leaving the rest to your flat.

Maybe you were the favorite couple because you didn't make others awkward. Who knows?

If I say that his family loved you, then I'll not be using the right words. They adored you.

Especially his younger brother Nate, who was still a lot older than you, and his niece Cassie, who even started to sleep over at your place.

He played with her on a knight who killed dragons and sometimes they were pirates.

He kissed you a lot when they were running through your place and Cassie was yelling her lungs out.

"Let that innocent woman be, you dirty dog!" Cassie yelled at him a shoved the tip of her wooden sword to Samuel's leg as he was hugging your waist, kissing your neck and whispering you about how you two will be playing when the night comes and Cassie finally falls asleep. You were laughing and that made his heart jump happily.

"Oy, I can't, I think she's that red big X on my map."

"Let her be, you sea rat!"

"Cassie, for a British soldier, you know a bit too much of pirates' slang."

Nathan became your best friend more than a brother-in-law. He was more of an outside person, more than Samuel - the couch person, so Nate took you on trips on the bike, roller skates, hiking and visiting some old places. His wife Elena usually went as well; you let Cassie on Samuel's neck.

But he was totally ok with it.

On your second anniversary, he took you to the pub where you met - and this time, you were the couple who was singing. He played his guitar and you were shy from the start - but you totally rocked in the end. (YOU DEFINITELY SANG SHALLOW.)

And since then, they let you sing there every month. You built a friendship with the workers who were there and this pub became your all-time favorite.

Around seven months later, he started to act weird. He didn't look as happy as always, he was working a bit too much, leaving early and coming back late in the night.

So one night you have just waited for him:

"What's happening with us? Are you tired of me? Are you tired of this? Of us? Speak up your colors, Samuel Drake."

"Y/N, are you even listening to yourself? What's gotten into you?"

"You tell me, you aren't at home all the time, you stopped calling me during the day, you pretty much don't cook, I feel like I'm living here all alone. You just come home at night, you let me suck your dick and then you go to sleep - and then repeat."

"Y/N," he inhaled slowly and sat on the opposite side of your table, taking your hand in his and looking directly at you. Your stomach shrank and you were about to cry because of how afraid you were. "I was just wondering about something and you don't have to be afraid at all. I love you, you remember? Good. We know each other for almost three years now, but it feels like forever. I want you to become one of the Drake's, to be mine, to become my wife."

And so you were engaged all of a sudden. You couldn't feel happier, you loved that man, cared for him deeply and there was no one more important than him.

And he felt the same way as well. He was sure that you were the woman who he was searching for all the time. He was sure of it. He knew it. You were the first thing he saw in the morning and the last person on his mind every day of his life with you. He wasn't sure if you would agree and he was so worried that you wouldn't that he couldn't be at home - but it was alright after that.

He bought you a beautiful diamond ring which suited your hand as no one before you.

All got into the same point you were before - but now, he was your fiancé.

Life felt the same, loving and sunny, but the wedding was quickly approaching.

Then it started - his alcohol addiction.

You told yourself that it is a phase because he was a free man; that he must've been nervous because he was about to become only yours. You told yourself it was pre-wedding stress.

But it was way worse when you started to prepare the details of your big day (dress, theme and the church was already booked) and you prepared it with Nathan because Samuel was constantly almost poisoned with alcohol.

He woked you up in the middle of nights because he wasn't even able to go home on his own feet.

You sat next to him, holding his hand and smiling at him, helping him to vomit, cleaning his face with a wet towel, hoping that it'll be over soon.

You were seriously in love with him even after all the drunk escapades he had and after all that public humiliation he caused you. You were blind, so blind.

About your wedding day - it was a catastrophe. He didn't even come and you became one of the brides, who were left in the church all alone only to cry their eyes out.

You couldn't find him after that, running the downtown in those snow white princess dress with your make up smudged. You were crying all the way home - and he sat there on the bed with his face in his hands and completely red eyes.

Nathan just nodded at you, mimicked that he'll be behind the door just in case that Samuel even started to take some drugs.

"You stupid, selfish, ignorant cock. You left me there, waiting for you two hour in front of that dumb altar and crying my eyes out. Where, for fuck's sake, have you even been?!" You yelled at him, throwing the bouquet of white roses to the corner. He looked at you, looking like a kicked dog with eyes red from crying, a hand in front of his mouth.

"I think that we have to talk, princess," Samuel smiled at you sadly and he was about to cry again. He was even sober and you almost couldn't believe your eyes.

"I'm listening, my love," you kneeled in front of him and you smoothed his chin in a gentle manner. Your heart pounded heavily as you were afraid of what he's about to say.

"I didn't come today, because of one reason. I think that you don't need a selfish, idiotic, ignorant utter cock in your life. I'm sure of it. You're a perfect woman who is funny, lovely, so hot and so intelligent it isn't even possible and I don't want you to waste your life with a dick like me. You shouldn't be kneeling, because you're not going to like the things that I'm about to tell you, lovely floweret," he stood up and left you on the ground as you started crying like a child.

"Samuel, what's wrong? I love you so much, are you even aware of that? Now you are scaring the living hell out of me." You whispered in a broken voice as you watched his back. He always smiled at this - but not this time.

"The problem is that I am completely aware of your love for me, Y/N. And I just can't live with it anymore, I can't live with myself when I am lying to the woman whom I love," he took a glass and smashed it on the ground. "The truth is that I fucked and I am fucking another woman. I swear to you that it is not emotional, at least not for me. We fucked once a few days before I decided to make you mine and mine only. But now... She's pregnant." He smoothed his face and you stopped crying. You weren't even breathing. You were shocked as you tore the dress from your body, you threw the high heels far away and you put on some old shirt, you didn't know if it's his or yours and jeans, leaving immediately.

What hurt the most? He didn't try to stop you. He didn't run after you. He wasn't calling your name. He hasn't done a single thing.

He knew he fucked up so much that you were not able to ever forgive him. He dug is own grave when he let that bitch lure him into her bed and that pregnancy? That was the last inch before falling off the cliff.

And he hoped that the alcohol will scare you away. But you stayed even tho because you were just so pure and so in love.

So he had to break your heart ultimately for you to realize that he is a selfish dick who just poisoned you and with whom you lost almost three years.

You run away that evening to the woods even tho it was raining, still having that beautiful braid on, sitting under a tree and looked over the town, crying your eyes out.

Sully nor Nathan couldn't find you, because that was your place; now it was only yours.

You came to Nate's place when it was midnight, almost froze out because of the rain, you slept in the living room, quietly kissing the engagement ring and slowly drown in the pain.

The other day you went to your place - and he was already gone. His things all gone- from his toothbrush to his trainers. Only the smell indicated that he visited that place. You just stood there and cried to your very own palms.

You were all alone again. That flat felt empty and you did as well. For a solid week, you didn't leave it, just laying in your bad, eating sweets and watched some romcoms.

Carmen and Nathan took care of you and they promised it will be better with time, which you didn't believe. You felt like shit.

But after a month or two... Your life was back on and you were able to talk and smile, even tho your heart hurt still. But you slowly started meeting new people, new places, you slowly became a normal human being again, still wearing that ring, only wore him on your right hand.

You didn't love him anymore, but it kept sweet memories, just as your photo collection you loved so much. You and Nate went through it a dozen of times when all of it happened six months ago. He was your love for three years, maybe he was the love of your life. You had some fond memories with him which made you laugh.

The baby wasn't his in the end. It was some black-skinned senator and she just wanted Samuel to be to one bcs the senator did not want to be seen with her or his child.

You didn't have any relationship ever since you just wanted to be free and careless.

When a year passes by, you were a new woman. You changed your hair by cutting it down, you completely changed your wardrobe to more racy and tight, squeezing your body right and you exercised a lot. You felt as good as never before.

And somehow, you found yourself in the pub. I mean, THE PUB. You didn't even realize, but Carmen knew. It brought only the best memories and Carmen cracked when you tell them to her.

All of a sudden you felt guitar movements so crawled under your skin, that you wouldn't change it with anyone else's style of plucking. Carmen knew all along because he never stopped the monthly visits.

He looked like a broken man, with his thick beard and long hair. He had some silver in it. He aged almost ten years since you broke up. You weren't disgusted, he looked sexy even after all of that, but you felt pity in your heart.

And then he plucked the right strings and your world stopped. You looked at him, almost freaked out, without breath and you felt your heart pounding happily. He closed his eyes and sung that duet from that Bradley Cooper movie he loved. You always sang it together. So you smiled, even more, got up and went to him.

You smiled at the faces you known a year ago, and they even had a problem recognizing you with such short hair. You looked like someone else. But as soon as they figured it out, everyone started clapping a whistling loudly, which made Samuel get from his inner space as he watched the high heels on your legs.

You smiled to your hand and waved at everyone, looking at Samuel after that. He stopped playing, putting the guitar aside and inviting you with his look.

So you sat on his knee as you always did, hugging his shoulder tight and smiling as your mood slowly lowered to a romantic one. You put your right hand on his messy beard as you supported guitar with your thigh and started to sing her part as he started playing.

It was very intense. You held him like a lover holds lover, your stare didn't leave his the whole time and his body felt hot as his dick got completely hard because of your presence. You still did some magic to him.

You almost kissed Samuel when he was playing the last chords like you always did before. But you stopped a few centimeters from his lips as you felt the beard scratching them. Instead of that you smiled lazily, lowered his head with your palm and you let your lips kiss his forehead as he gracefully leaned into your body. It was almost like if he dies and God let him to heaven. Everyone was almost crying because you hugged him tightly, you played with his hair and then he kissed your long and beautiful neck as thanks.

But you were his heaven. Heaven that forbidden entrance for him.

There was no need for words after that as you smiled and stood up from his lap. You smoothed his hair behind his ear and smiled, opening his hand for you.

You slowly got the engagement ring off your hand and gave it to him, slowly closing his palm. Then you walked away. And he felt like everything ended.

But then you looked at him again when you were leaving with Carmen and he knew the language your eyes spoke.

Maybe you damned and you'll never be able to love him again. Maybe he fucked it up too much. Maybe this was the end.

But you encouraged him with a witty smile and shining eyes because you felt that connection when you sang as well as he did.

So he kissed that ring and hid it on a safe place, thinking about his next move.

[notbadcal]

// WHY // Shawn Mendes

So I was recently at Shawn Mendes’ concert in Stockholm Sweden and it was amazing. And during why I thought of this concept/idea and had to write about it. So here you go, enjoy:) Also I know the lyrics aren’t in the correct order but this way it fit the story better so bare with me:)

Why

Being in the spotlight meant having every single person keep their eyes on you at all time. Your personal life doesn’t exist, forget about going outside after you’ve just woken up and don’t even think about getting to enjoy the privacy of your own home. But least of all don’t expect your relationships to be between only you and another person. Because of all these reasons Hope couldn’t act on her feelings ever. Since she was 14 years old her heart has belonged to one special man. Mr Shawn Mendes. Like herself, Shawn was a famous singer with millions of fans.

Recently something had shifted in both of their careers. They had been offered roles in a new romantic comedy about a couple of child hood enemies who fall in love in Paris. Seeing as they were already best friends in real life this was one of the best experiences in each of their lives. Because of this it made it easier for them to travel together for the press tour.

I know a girl,She’s like a curse

“So how was it acting like you hated each other?” Ellen DeGenerous asked the couple of friends sitting on the large white couch.

Shawns arm was resting on the back of the couch behind Hope.

“It was definitely weird, mean I could never picture Shawn the way his character acted” Hope explained with a laugh following her words.

Shawn’s gaze was trained on his best friend beside him. The way her eyes crinkles in the cutest way when she smiled or the way her laugh sounded like it could cure any illness on the planet. Even if she was the most beautiful being he had ever payed his hazel eyes on she was like a curse to him.

When people ask about us, now , we just brush it off

“So I’m sure everyone’s wondering, are you guys dating” Ellen didn’t beat around the bush at all, going straight to the point, asking what everyone had asked since the moment they were seen together in public.

Shawn put on a fake smile and laughed a little.

“Wow going straight to the point” he said.

“Yeah you’re certainly not shy” Hope laughed, her British accent driving Shawn insane.

“Nope, so?” Ellen presses further.

We want each other no one will break first

The both of them knew the answer was no. Even if no one believed them it was true. Although both of them wished it was none of them wanted to make the first move.

“No, we’re not dating” Hope answered a fake smile on her red painted lips.

“Yeah okay” Ellen agreed sarcastically making her audience laugh.

After the interview no one said anything until their shared manager Andrew broke the silence.

“So we have Zach Sang next but before that we have time for lunch” he spoke as he looked at his expensive watch to confirm that they did in fact have time to eat.

“Alright sweet, anyone feeling chipotle?” Hope asked already thinking out her order in her head.

“Yeah sure” Shawn answered.

Hope could tell that he was distant. She just didn’t know because of what.

When the day was finally over and they could all go home, Shawn asked if Hope wanted to come over for a movie night. This wasn’t something odd for the two of them.

They did this at least once a week if they were in the same city.

So many nights, trying to find someone new

They don't mean nothing compared to her, and I know

With Hope asleep on his lap his fingers swiped left and right on his phone. Because of who he was, Tinder wasn’t an option, but lucky for him Shawn qualified for the famous dating app Rhia made specifically for people like him.

After a few swipes he checked his messages and saw one from a girl he apparently matched with a couple of days ago. His eyes scanned the message.

Can you treat me better?😏😉

He sighed at the message. He didn’t want someone who knew him as the Shawn Mendes. One of the biggest singers of this generation. He wanted someone who knew him for him.

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

That girl was currently resting on his lap. He watched as her chest rose and fell with every breath she took. He took notice of her freckled face that looked like constellations spread out across the night sky. Her dark lashes tickled the tops of her cheeks as her eyes rolled around behind their lids.

He sighed again. Why did he have to be such a coward?

When I hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe

Can't help but think every song's about me

And every line, every word that I write

You are the muse in the back of my mind, oh

The light from the moon poured in through the curtains as a sweet voice sang some unfamiliar words.

The brunette boy looked around confused. Had he fallen asleep on his couch. And where was Hope. It was probably her singing on his balcony but his initial stress made him stand up and walk over to the glass door to investigate.

And like he had suspected, there she was, a cigarette resting on the table as Shawn’s guitar rested on her lap, her small hands strumming on the instrument to create a beautiful tune. The sound of her voice took his breath away.

He listened to the lyrics and couldn’t help but think the words she sang were about him because he knew every word he wrote was about her.

When he stepped out fully onto the balcony was when she noticed him. Her strumming came to a halt and the words died on the tip of her tongue.

“Hi” she whispered.

It was as if she had met him for the first time. The way she said hi to him.

“Hey” Shawn responded as he took in her appearance further.

She was dressed in one of his shirts. Because of the significant size difference the shirt was like a dress on Hopes smaller frame.

“Sorry if I woke you” her raspy voice brought him back to reality.

“You didn’t, why are you awake by the way?” He asked.

“Couldn’t sleep” she replied before taking the cancerous stick and putting it between her lips.

The light of the moon and her lighter lighting the cigarette back up was the only source of luminosity.

Don't want to ask about it 'cause you might brush it off

I'm afraid you think that it means nothing at all

I don't know why I won't admit that you're all I want

The way he looked at her made her believe for maybe a second that her feelings for him were reciprocated. But his mind was going a completely different route.

How could someone like her ever like someone like him?

He didn’t want to talk about what had bothered him the entire day since the interview with Ellen. He thought that if he did she would brush him off and make him believe that the chemistry he felt between the two of them was all in his head.

“Everything okay love?” She asked, the nickname falling past her lips in habit.

“Yeah, everything’s great” he smiled, however the smile never reached his eyes.

Why can’t they just get over themselves and just admit how they feel for each other. Maybe it was because of the fact that if they did it would be public knowledge. It would become the biggest headline instead of something intimate between two souls. Maybe it was just because of the fact that being in the spotlight meant having every single person keep their eyes on you at all time. Your personal life doesn’t exist, forget about going outside after you’ve just woken up and don’t even think about getting to enjoy the privacy of your own home. But least of all don’t expect your relationships to be between only you and another person.

That is Why.

[1dreality]

The New Direction of Liam Payne

Liam Payne discusses anxiety, romance rumours and what's next for the ex-One Direction star

Lucas OakeleyMay 30, 2019

It’s raining in West London. Every weather man, woman, and app had forecast that sunshine would be on the agenda for the day. But no. It’s raining. So, we’re stuck inside instead.

Alternating between balancing on a set of dumbbells and showing off adorable videos of his son, Bear, to the cooped-up crew, Liam Payne doesn’t seem to mind all that much about the weather. He’s used to plans changing pretty quickly.

“I’ve found in my life at the moment, because of the way things have happened, that everything’s kind of fast-forwarded,” says Payne, his dark eyes lighting up like those of a prospector that’s just panned a nugget of gold, “everything has fast-forwarded.”

Payne’s lived pretty much his entire life on fast-forward. He had his first X-Factor television appearance at the age of fourteen. He embarked on his first world tour with a little band named One Direction—you might have heard of them—only four years later. The band sold more than 50 million albums worldwide, and had four albums debut at number one in the US charts. He even found the time to meet the future mother of his child somewhere in-between. As for fatherhood, that’s a life achievement the singer notched at just twenty-three.

As Payne ambles about the studio, it’s hard not to notice that even the tattoo on his forearm bears a striking resemblance to the fast-forward button on a television remote. Or a Spotify skip button.

Having recently performed alongside Rita Ora at the Global Teacher Prize concert in Dubai, Payne looks healthy and tanned, kissed by the sun even though his visit to the region was greeted by weather not dissimilar to today’s overcast conditions. “I think the weather’s just following me around at the minute,” he says with a laugh as abrupt as the first half of a hiccup. “There’s an air of something almost Vegas-y about Dubai,” adds Payne, “everything’s a little bit of a show there.”

Payne is no stranger to bit of a show. As well as having spent the better part of a decade touring the world with One Direction (the band is currently on a definitely indefinite hiatus) Payne helped break a concert attendance record in the Middle East last year by performing in front of 110,000 people. “I didn’t eat anything at dinner beforehand because I was thinking no-one’s going to turn up,” he admits.

To make Liam Payne nervous certainly takes some doing. Back in 2009—when ambitions of winning X-Factor as a solo performer were still very much at the forefront of his mind—Payne sang in front of over 29,000 fans as part of the pre-match entertainment of a game between his local football team Wolverhampton Wanderers and Manchester United. A pretty heady experience for a boy not yet old enough to drive a car.

Now 25, Payne knew from an early age that he could “hold a tune”. What it took him longer to realise was that others couldn’t. “I think I thought it was just a normal thing that people could get on with,” he says with a shrug. That may well have been the case when it came to his local theatre group, but when considering most of the “normal things”that people “get on with”, we’d hazard a guess that the majority don’t involve amassing over two billion streams on Spotify.

But that’s Liam Payne for you: unassuming, self-effacing, and—for the most part—a guy who seems just genuinely happy to be here. It’s easy to forget when deliberating the merits of Linkin Park’s nu-metal masterpiece ‘Meteora’ with Payne that his face was once plastered on the bedroom walls of millions of tweens the world over.

Payne’s achieved extraordinary success in the quarter of a century he’s exhausted so far. So much so that you’d expect the moment that sparked off his passion for music to be equally spectacular. A real spontaneous Kevin Bacon dancing-in-an-abandoned-warehouse sort of epiphany. The reality is that it wasn’t romantic or sexy in the slightest. It was karaoke. “I used to go out to Cornwall and see my grandad and we’d always go to this karaoke bar and we’d sing a load of different stuff,” says Payne.

What sort of “stuff” does a future pop-star sing in a karaoke bar in a small town on the west coast of the UK? Well, the same oeuvre that you or I are have probably crooned into a microphone at midnight at Lucky Voice: ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams.

While Payne isn’t ashamed to admit that he was listening to Williams pretty much 24/7 as a youngster (“No, I really was”), one of the first CDs he bought with his own money was an Eminem record. Growing up with both Robbie Williams and Marshall Mathers as his idols, he places his own sound as “somewhere in-between the two”.

A little bit Slim Shady and a little bit Rock DJ, that intersection of pop and rap is reflected in Payne’s solo career so far. His debut single, the catchy-as-the-plague earworm ‘Strip That Down’, featured Migos alum Quavo and went on to be certified platinum in both the US and the UK. The title track of his First Time EP also saw Payne join forces with rapper French Montana. Payne’s certainly not the first popstar to align themselves with a more urban sound in an attempt to appeal to an older demographic. Nor will he be the last. The transition from squeaky-clean boyband member to fullyfledged solo artist is, after all, anything but easy. To use a Take That comparison: for every one Robbie Williams, there are a hundred Mark Owens.

When it comes to One Direction, it’s still a bit too soon to tell who the Robbies and the Marks of the bunch are going to be. “When we did the band stuff it was very—not exactly scripted—but let’s just say you kind of knew your audience very well,” says Payne. “We’d usually sell a tour out before we’d even done an album. And then they [the record producers] would go: ‘Right, you’re doing stadiums’. And then you’d go: ‘Okay, so we need longer choruses—the kind of songs that people can chant in a stadium’. You had to kind of write around the tour.”

If that process sounds a bit paint-by-numbers, that’s because—by Payne’s own admission—it was. “It’s a very backwards way to do it,” he admits, “obviously people don’t really tend to write like that. But we just had no time, so it was like: ‘Quick! We need another hit and another and another!’ It was actually easier to write in that scenario because there were so many hoops you had to jump through. It wouldn’t necessarily be my choice of music now—it wasn’t something that I would listen to—but I just knew how to make it, if that makes sense?”

Going from such a canned bop formula to a world of complete creative freedom is a daunting prospect for anyone looking to make it as a solo act. But that was far from the only challenge Payne faced. Streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music have drastically altered the music industry since the phone-to-vote days that launched One Direction. “The way that the industry kind of works now is kind of a difficult one because of the way albums are and the introduction of Spotify,” says Payne. “When I was in the band, Spotify wasn’t really a thing for us, we didn’t really care. We used to sell a lot of albums and physical copies, so it was different for us. As I got more into the solo stuff it was a kind of, like, a bit f**king confusing.”

All you need to do is look at the chains that Payne draped around his neck during the releases of a series of sophomore singles to see a man adopting a kabuki mask that didn’t quite fit. A man who was, in his words, a bit f**king confused. “‘Strip That Down’ was amazing and I was really happy with the success of it—but it didn’t necessarily paint the right picture of me and who I actually am,” he says, “I always found, to start off with, that with a lot of the chains and the clothes and the fashion, I was kind of hiding behind something. We did a billion streams for ‘Strip That Down’ but it still all gets a bit heady and at a certain point you’re like: ‘what the f**k am I doing here?’ It’s a bit like being stuck out in deep water and you’re just going ‘well, it would be really nice to get back now.’”

Payne might still be far from the shore, but he seems to be treading water at a more comfortable pace nowadays. “It took me a long to get my head around it,” he says, “and obviously at the same time I was having a baby and all that different stuff. So, there was a lot of s**t to go through at that time to get to where I am now.”

“I don’t feel the need to hide behind the clothes any more. I feel like I can finally be who I am and enjoy being myself”

And where is Liam Payne now? Well, he’s sat in front of me looking comparatively anxiety-free: comfortable and relaxed in a plain black tee and pair of tailored HUGO trousers. “My style and my fashion sense are all quite laid back now because that’s kind of the way I am as well. I don’t feel the need to hide behind the clothes anymore. I feel I can finally be who I am and enjoy myself.”

The last few years have witnessed a real boy-to-man transition for the ex-boy band squaddie. A coming-of-age moment came when he arrived at Frank Sinatra’s house in Palm Springs to record his part of ‘For You’ with Rita Ora. A crooning, finger-snapping, rather embarrassingly-waist-coated rendition of ‘Fly Me to The Moon’ was what Payne sang to get through his first ever X-Factor audition. Walking into Old Blue Eyes’ home, for Payne, came with the realisation that he’d “made that complete full-circle journey”.

Suffice it to say there’s no turning around for Payne in that journey when it comes to the fame front; he’s well in the thickets of the tabloid jungle. Headlines about who’s “breaking silence on romance rumours” with the popstar are a daily occurrence in the British papers. So too are accompanying photographs of his face. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Payne has, after all, got a rather nice face. The latest use of which has seen it become the face of Hugo Boss’s latest HUGO menswear line.

“To be honest, they called me and it just seemed to make a lot of sense at the time. It was a direction that I knew I’d love to go down,” says Payne on how his partnership with the brand first came about. “It’s very rare that a big company like Hugo Boss comes around asking for you to be the face of it. It’s a bit of a dream come true actually.”

Previous Hugo Boss ambassadors include the likes of Chris Hemsworth, Jamie Dornan and Gerard Butler. Handsome faces. Familiar faces. Faces that are now forever immortalised in the public conscience. A fact that Payne is all-too conscious of himself. “I was looking through the different people that they’ve had on their roster over the years and they’re all people that I look up to,” says Payne, “So, I’m obviously quite excited but it’s also a bit daunting because these things,” he spreads his arms in a gesture that aptly sums up the rigmarole of press junkets and interviews, “are literally around for forever now.”

Moving from location to location and outfit to outfit, it becomes evident that dressing to hide who he is, is no longer on Payne’s agenda. As he’s grown (both figuratively and literally) in the public eye, and Payne’s now come to accept the lane he’s in. “I’ve become more in tune with things now,” he says, “as the years go by, I think you gain a different level of confidence and find out what works for you and what doesn’t, rather than constantly trying to be something that you’re not. If that makes sense?” It does.

What makes less sense is why Payne decided to go with chains in the first place “It was quite funny at the time when everyone used to get really mad about it,” he says referencing outraged headlines like: Sleepy Liam Payne leaves a London studio wearing a HUGE gold chain. “It just didn’t really matter to me.”

What matters to Payne is when those stories affect the lives of those around him. One particular article published in the British newspaper, The Daily Mail, last year that attempted to insinuate he was romantically linked with a member of his team irked Payne so much that the usually apolitical Twitterer took to social media to criticising the newspaper.

“The difference with that story was that the people that they were putting me with have families, boyfriends, girlfriends,” explains Payne, “I go home every night and know that people write horses**t about me daily. I won’t worry about it because I know it’s f**king bulls**t. But for someone who’s never had a story written about them before? If they go home and their partner’s reading the paper going like: ‘what the f**k is this?’ It’s difficult for them to be able to explain that.” Payne’s voice ratchets up a few decibels when he says this. He uses more than a few words we’re not legally allowed to print. I can tell that he cares about this. That it needles him. That it’s not something he has to say, but rather something that he needs to say. So, I let him.“I asked for this, I get paid very handsomely to be here and it’s part of my life and I get it. It’s alright. You can write what the f**k you want about me but when it comes to other people who work with me? That is not on.”

“I asked for this, I get paid very handsomely to be here and it’s part of my life and I get it. It’s alright. You can write what the f**k you want about me but when it comes to other people who work with me? That is not on.”

The only way for Payne to cut through that noise is by doing the thing he knows best: making music. “Everything I do is very, very public a lot of the time. I get reported on a lot for different things. I just think there’s a certain line where I have to have my say. And that there’s only one way for me

to do that—which is through my music.”

The din of noise that Payne has to compete with has increased somewhat substantially over the last two years thanks to the addition of his son, Bear. Although Payne attests that Bear is as “good as Goldilocks”, he’s aware that being a dad and a popstar aren’t easy responsibilities to balance.

“People make it out like a lightbulb comes on and suddenly you’re a dad and it’s like… no. [Being a father] is something you have to learn and I’m not afraid to say it takes more than a f**king minute to get your head around the idea of what it is.”

Payne might not have his head fully around the concept quite yet but, as we talk about his relationship with Bear, it becomes evident that Payne’s already nailed one of the most important aspects of being a dad: caring. “The not understanding is the most difficult bit,” he says with the weariness of a father well above his years, “especially when you have a toddler who doesn’t understand how to communicate and you can’t understand what they want.”

Communicating as a public figure becomes increasingly difficult when navigating the glut of information that exists online. Do a quick Google search for ‘Liam Payne’ and you’ll be greeted by countless fan sites with a never-ending litany of “facts” about the man. Facts like:

“Liam Payne prefers showers over baths”

“Liam Payne sleeps naked”

“Liam Payne has a phobia of spoons”

While Payne is quick to assure me that most of what you’ll read online is straight B.S., one fact did keep cropping up again and again. And I mean, c’mon, I couldn’t not ask him about the spoons, could I?

“Yeah, I did have a fear of spoons,” he groans with the weariness of a man who’s been pelted with countless pieces of cutlery, “but it wasn’t so much a fear as something that’s now turned into a thing because of the internet. I was forced in detention once to wash up dirty plates and spoons and I think it just put me off looking at how dirty some of these spoons came back. But people used to throw spoons at me in concerts! I should have said I had a fear of pillows—that would have been comfier.”

All things considered, a fear of spoons is a fairly harmless rumour to spread. But rumours rarely ever are. Most are vicious; spreading like wildfire and burning all of those they touch. “I’ve been dead,” says Payne abruptly. “People I love have been dead.”

The non-stop 24-hour nature of the news cycles can be overwhelming to read, let alone to be involved in via the announcement of your own death. “You have to learn fast and we [One Direction] had to grow up pretty quick in the circumstances that we were under or else you kind of f**k it a little bit,” he says. If you’ve ever seen clips of The Beatles or BTS getting mobbed on the streets, you know the kind of hysteria that can ensue when boyband members are seen out in public.

“I don’t think I struggle in the sense of what you would naturally think of when I’m walking down the street with every person stopping me,” says Payne, “I mean, it happens sometimes but it’s mainly mentally where you struggle with it. It’s the getting ready and always knowing that you might be photographed.” From elaborate airport fits to the loungewear he puts on to pick up a pint of semiskimmed milk from the shop down the road, there’s never a moment where Payne and his clothing aren’t in danger of becoming front page news.

One of the ways that Payne combats that simmering anxiety is by going for a run at 5am every morning. It’s probably why he’s been able to maintain his sanity so far. And probably why he’s in—as evidenced by his numerous topless Instagram photos—such great nick.

I’ll get days where I just don’t want to leave my house. Even if it’s just going to the shop. I’d be going i to order a coffee at Starbucks and I would sweat because I wouldn’t know whether I was doing the right thing or not. I would be thinking: ‘f**k, I don’t want to be here’.”

“I love it. I get myself outside and into the day and get past that fear of ‘what if this happens?’ or ‘what if that happens?’. Because, for a long time, I became—what’s the word?” says Payne, gesticulating wildly as if he’ll catch the phrase careening around his head like a runaway wasp, “there’s a word for this condition where you stay inside and never leave, it’s in Ocean’s Twelve…”

I saw Ocean’s Twelve last week. The word he’s looking for is agoraphobia.

“Yeah, that’s it. I developed a bit of agoraphobia. I would never leave the house. And I do sometimes suffer with it a bit in the sense that I’ll get days where I just don’t want to leave my house. Even if it’s just going to the shop. I’d be going i to order a coffee at Starbucks and I would sweat because I wouldn’t know whether I was doing the right thing or not. I would be thinking: ‘f**k, I don’t want to be here’.”

I worry for a moment whether Payne is feeling that same feeling today but decide instead to take likely misplaced solace that my innate knowledge of the Ocean’s film franchise has won him over. “I even used to have a really bad problem with going to petrol stations and paying for petrol. I can feel it now—it was like this horrible anxiety where I’d be sweating buckets in the car thinking ‘I don’t want to do this’.”

Many people suffer from moments of panic and instances where we feel crushed by the weight of the world’s expectations and Payne is all-too aware that his specific anxieties stem from a position of privilege. “Unfortunately, it does happen to everybody in this industry,” he says, “I think at a certain point you just have to get over it as quickly as you can.”

There we are once again: back to doing things quickly. Back to being on fast-forward. Back to doing countless interviews in specifically allotted time slots. Back to that constant pressure where “everything happens a little bit quicker in my world than it does in everyone else’s”.

Everything might be happening a hell of a lot quicker for Liam Payne than me, but I’m still interested to know: what’s next for the man? What does he want to achieve in the not-yet fast-forwarded future? “I’m hoping for something a lot more than what I’ve done so far, if that makes sense?” Having listened to Payne’s solo discography in preparation for this interview, it really does.

Sure, Payne’s produced a spate of bonafide bangers—songs that will have you singing along as you whip down Emirates Road—but they’re also songs that are, for the most part, still formulaic. They’re catchy, glossily well-produced, yet contain something of an air of inauthenticity about them.

And, having met Payne, I can’t help but feel they seem at odds with his unabashedly authentic self. As he tells me: “People can see right through that s**t and it’s difficult for you to then go and say ‘buy this record!’ if you don’t really believe in what’s going on.”

So, what does a man who’s (sort of) afraid of spoons actually believe in? Moreover, what does a man who eats ice cream with a fork want to be remembered as having believed in? “I’m obviously really happy with some of the stuff I’ve done. Like breaking world records with the band and all sorts of amazing stuff. But in the recent years, it’s been a bit topsy-turvy with me kind of finding my way. And I’d rather not be remembered for a lot of those things. I want to make a really amazing album that’s not, like,” and he air-quotes here, “important, but something that people really get into. Something that makes certain people feel a couple things. I think that would be the best thing for me. I just want to make people move, if that makes sense?”

In case you haven’t already noticed, that question (‘if that makes sense?”) is practically punctuation to Payne. It’s a caveat that ends many of his statements; an interrogation of his own beliefs and a moment where his PR armour reveals its chinks and offers a glimpse of the man beneath the surface. A man that is equal parts cocksure and uncertain—a man who’s very rarely both and almost never neither.

While he might be living on fast-forward—and shows no signs of slowing anytime soon—Liam Payne, for the moment at least, might just be in the midst of the most interesting time of his life. His legacy is currently being written, awaiting the day we’ll eventually look back with a clearer idea of whether he’s a Robbie Williams or a Mark Owen. As for me, I’m just hoping that the next evolution of Liam Payne’s career is a lot more Liam Payne than the last. If that makes sense?

[writerofculture-blog]

Chapter 14-End

2017

“Deaky, are you home dear?” Brian called out as he entered the front door singing to himself.

“Yeah, in the study.”

Brian waltzed across the living room to find John and grabbed him in for a snog as soon as he saw the younger man.

“What’s up Brian? Why are you so happy?” John was startled by the extravagant greeting, understandably so.

“It’s our movie Deaky. They have finally announced all the cast and the day to start shooting, officially. It’s finally happening.” Brian exclaimed, beaming with excitement.

Bohemian Rhapsody, a biopic of Queen as a band, was a project Brian started working on seven years ago. The project ran into so many issues through the years, scripts being changed, people being fired, that John thought it might never happen. He didn’t know if he liked the idea to begin with, but Brian had a point. If they didn’t do it, then someone else will. It’s better for them to be involved in the production.

“That’s definitely something worth celebrating.” John nodded.

“Wait until I show you the pictures of the cast Deaky.” Brian jumped onto the couch and turned on his laptop.

“Watch it Brian. You are 71, not 17.” John scolded. Brian was so excited he’s like a little boy.

John sat down beside Brian and glanced over at the screen while Brian was pulling up the pictures of the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody in their costumes.

“This is Gwilym Lee. He’s going to play me.” Brian started with himself. John could definitely see the resemblance of the Welsh actor to younger Brian. Tall, lean, with rather square chin and intelligent hazel eyes, the Brian he fell in love with before he knew what love was.

“This is Ben Hardy. He will be Roger.” John snickered as soon as he saw Ben’s picture. Of course, Roger would find the blondest and prettiest boy in England to play himself. That silly self-centered twat.

“What about me?” John asked curiously.

“Hold on.” Brian pulled up the picture of a long-haired brunette, “this is Joe Mazzello. He will be you Deaky.”

“Holy shit, he really does look like me.” John inhaled sharply.

“Yeah he does Deaky. I actually think your character bares the most resemblance. You didn’t happen to fuck some American bird in the eighties and forgot about it did you?” Brian snorted.

“Fuck off Brian.” John punched Brian’s arm, “wait, did you say he’s American? You got a bloody American to play me? Can he even do my accent?”

“Come on Deaky. He looks more like you than any of your sons do and he’s a good actor. Of course, he can do your accent. Besides, Freddie is played by an American actor too.”

“Are you bloody serious? Freddie will have a break down if he knew he’s being portrayed by an American.” John exclaimed.

“Here, take a look. This is Rami Malek.” Brian pulled up a picture of Rami in full costume, with Freddie’s black long hair and teeth.

“Wow.” John felt his heart skip a beat as for a split second he could not tell the difference between the picture of Rami and Freddie. “Brian, I think Freddie will like this.”

Brian put an arm around John, “we have to make sure he likes it Deaky. We owe it to him.”

John leaned on Brian’s shoulder and asked, “when does the shooting start?”

“In three weeks. We will go together, okay?” Brian rubbed the younger man’s arm.

The first time John went on to the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, he definitely had a déjà vu. The stadium in front of him was the exact replica of the Wembley in 1985 Live Aid concert where their performance was voted the best live performance of all time. It was during a difficult time for the band. Their previous 2 albums Hot Space and The Works were a disappointment on the radio and in sales. Brian, Roger and Freddie were all working on solo projects. John even thought maybe this was it for Queen, maybe they had past their prime.

Then Live Aid happened. The support from the audience was a great boost in energy for all of them. Riding on the excitement, they went back to the studio to record another album and planned another tour. Little did they know at the time that would be their last tour.

Was Freddie already infected with the deadly virus back when Live Aid happened? Probably. John thought. Would Freddie have given the same magnificent performance if he knew? Probably. Freddie was born to be a performer.

“It’s uncanny, isn’t it?” Brian’s voice brought John back to reality. He took out his cell phone to start taking picture of the set.

“Definitely.” John murmured.

John followed Brian and the crew to the trailers set up for the actors. When one of the crew knocked on the door of Joe Mazzello’s trailer, a smallish young man with John’s ridiculous perm in the 80s opened the door. John stared at Joe for a moment, unable to speak. Brian was right, Joe does bare more similarities to his looks compared to any of his sons.

John held out his hand to the American actor, “I’m John, John Deacon. How do you do?”

Joe earnestly shook his hand, “Hi, I’m Joe. It is really an honor to meet you Mr. Deacon. I am a huge fan.”

2018

“Brian, are you ready? Roger is outside with the limo.” John called as he went upstairs trying to find the older man.

“Coming Deaky.” Brian called as he came down the stairs, “how do I look Deaky?”

Even after so many years, the sight of Brian all dressed up in a black coat with maroon fringes on top a black shirt, tall and handsome still took John’s breath away.

“You look handsome as always dear.” John smiled.

“You look magnificent yourself Deaky.” Brian grabbed John’s hand, “let’s go. We are going to enjoy this tonight.”

The premier ceremony of Bohemian Rhapsody hosted right by Wembley stadium was a great turn out. John figured he should be used to crowds, being on stage at so many concerts and still touring at his late sixties. But the thought of so many people watching the movie together with him for the first time still made him unbelievably nervous.

Even back in his younger days, John hated interviews because he never knew what to say. The way reporters haunted Freddie during his last days on Earth made John hate the British press with all his gut. He swore he would never talk to any of them again. Nowadays he refused to go on any interviews or talk shows. He was reluctant to come to the premier night because he knew he can’t avoid talking to reporters. But once again, Brian and Roger always had a way of convincing him.

“Mr. John Deacon! I’m so excited to see you here!” Bollocks. John swore under his breathe. The MC was walking straight toward him. It’s impossible to hide.

John forced a smile on his face.

“How do feel tonight at the world premiere of the movie Bohemian Rhapsody?”

“I’m definitely excited. It had been a long way for the movie to be at this stage. The cast and crew had done a wonderful job. I think people will really enjoy it.”

“There are hundreds of thousands Queen fans watching tonight around the world. I’m sure they would love to hear a word from you. Do you have a message for them?”

“Thank you very much.” Was all John could mutter. Good thing Roger just walked by and grabbed the MC’s attention.

Brian found John just before the viewing of the movie began and whispered to him, “that wasn’t so bad, was it Deaky?”

“Easy for you to say.” John wiped sweat from his forehead despite the chill of the autumn evening.

The movie began. John had seen it many times before but seeing it on the big screen with thousands of others was definitely another experience. 4 of them in their twenties, young and carefree, with nothing in their pockets but a big dream. Their voices, their songs, their laughter. Memories from almost half a century ago flooded John’s mind. He naturally grabbed for Brian’s hand.

Life was no bed of roses. John knew he had made many mistakes. Maybe he should have never picked up a bass guitar. Maybe he should have never joined Queen. Maybe he should have never married Veronica. Maybe he should have never left her.

Sometimes John felt he watched his whole life passing by in front of him, as if it was all a dream. But as long as he was able to hold the hand he was holding now, he felt real; he felt safe.

Just as the words that Freddie sang filled the stadium.

I've paid my dues Time after time I've done my sentence But committed no crime And bad mistakes  I've made a few I've had my share of sand kicked in my face But I've come through

We are the champions, my friends And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end We are the champions We are the champions No time for losers 'Cause we are the champions of the world

  As the credits of the movie were rolling out, Brian squeezed John’s hand. “I think we did Freddie proud, Deaky.”

“I think so too.” John beamed.

“Freddie, I think I know what I am going to do.” John sighed.

“That’s wonderful dear.” Freddie pulled John into a tight embrace. “Life does not go on forever.”

John nodded. “I wish you were still with us Freddie. I wish I could see you again.”

“You can see me whenever you need Deaky. You only see what you want to see.” The singer gave John a toothy laugh and disappeared.

The noise from Wembley stadium became fainter. John started to feel the coldness and wetness of the freezing rain, the hardness of the concrete and the pain from the curb hitting his head.

“Mate, you’ve got to wake up. You will freeze to death here.”

John opened his eyes to a stranger violently shaking his shoulders. The rain seemed to have stopped, leaving only the chill and quiet of the winter night.

“Finally, you are awake.” The stranger let out a sigh of relief. “How are you feeling? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

John shook his head and stumbled up. He mumbled ‘thanks’ to the stranger. John before hailing a taxi and as soon as he got in, told the driver Brian’s address.

The END

[djpri]

[FT INTERVIEW] 180410 Livedoor

Even Japanese Celebrities Focus On Them! We Approach FTISLAND’s Pranks and Natural “Humaneness.” What a mischievous bunch. FTISLAND is a Korean rock band but they are fluent in Japanese. During the interview, they suddenly started talking about sexual contents and continuously went off topic. But their humaneness and love for a band captured the hearts of many Japanese celebrities, starting with ONE OK ROCK. FTISLAND’s biggest charming points are main vocal Lee Hongki’s heart stirring singing voice and their boundless LIVE performance. In their 8th album『PLANET BONDS (released April 11th) and the following tour, we hope you see their kind humaneness.  

Which Member Is Like An “Avocado?”

―― When it’s been 8 years since a major debut in Japan, you are pretty much done with new interviews. But this is your first time with Livedoor. We want to know about you. Let’s start with guitarist Seunghyun.

Hongki:  After drinking, we went straight to Seunghyun’s place. It was so messy. If I was a girl, I’m never going back (Laughs). He’s that kind of a person.  Seunghyun: Ah... I’m sorry

―― ^^ What about drummer Minhwan?

Jonghun: He may not look it but he is filled with emotions. Jaejin: And he’s manly...he is very patient, tries hard to understand the other person. He’s a cool guy. 

―― What kind of a person is leader & guitarist Jonghun?

Hongki: He has a sensitive heart. Like a jelly or breasts?

―― Hongki, please refrain from sexual content during the interview ^^

Hongki: Eh---!

Jaejin: Isn’t he more like an avocado than a jelly? ―― What do you mean?

Jaejin: I think he is hard on the outside but soft on the inside with a hard seed in the middle, just like an avocado.

―― I see. That’s a good comparison What about bassist Jaejin?

Jaejin: Jaejin is a good person! Minhwan: Don’t talk about yourself (Laughs). Jaejin is the brain of FTISLAND. He always comes up with good ideas. Jonghun: (After using a translator program) He is a hedgehog. Minhwan: Ah, I know! He usually hides his weapon but can strike anytime. Jaejin: I’m a man who does it when I need to!

―― And finally, how is vocal Lee Hongki? Jonghun: He is a hamster. If you just look at him, he looks nice. But he is very clear on what he wants to do and what he doesn’t want to do. So he just keeps doing fun stuff. 

Hongki: I’m not a cute animal like that. I’m a chameleon! I keep changing. 

Acknowledged by Korea’s Legendary Singer, Hongki’s Vocal

―― It’s been 8 years since your major debut in Japan but 11 years in Korea. I’m asking this late but how did you start as a band?

Jonghun: I can’t dance so I couldn’t be an idol (Laughs). But I was always interested in music. But doing it alone isn’t fun so I thought, it’d be fun to do music together as a band. That’s how I started. 

―― Starting with drama『You’re Beautiful,』Hongki has been doing music and acting. You actually acted as a child. Why did you want to be a singer instead of an actor? Hongki: Because I was good at singing (Laughs). In middle school, I went to noraebang every day and everyone told me I was really good at singing. So I sang at a school festival and got recruitment offers from various places. My current agency is one of them. At that time, I was losing interest in acting so I thought it’d be nice to be a singer. 

―― If you hadn’t sang at the school festival, you may have not become a singer. Also, who is your most influential artist or song?

Hongki: Korean artist Im Jaebum. His singing voice warms my heart. He is called ‘Rock Daddy’ in Korea. He is a legend. He told me, “you are my son.” He also invited me to many TV shows.

Jaejin: Lee Hongki! Hongki told me, “you are my son.” He said he’ll always take me to LIVE. (Laughs) Hongki: Hey, don’t copy me (Laughs)

JH: For me, it’s British rock band MUSE. But I prefer their old songs over recent ones. 

MH: I like American rock band Hoobastank. Before debut, we went to see their LIVE. It was my first time seeing them and I nearly cried. 

Seunghyun: I’m influenced by Japanese artist Ozaki Yutaka’s ballad songs. They really touch my heart. I also like ‘Forget Me Not’ remake by Shimizu Shota. 

From Arata Mackenyu to Ayano Go, FTISLAND Has Many Japanese Celebrity Friends. 

―― In『Primavera』released in 2015, FTISLAND collaborated with ONE OK ROCK’s Taka and the two bands’ friendship is famous among fans. What do you talk about with ONE OK ROCK members?

Hongki: We talk a lot about music. We ask about the music we are doing now and songs that we are working on. 

―― In February, ONE OK ROCK had a concert in Korea. Hongki: Many Japanese bands are doing LIVE in Korea lately. Taka told me, “I’m going to Korea. I want to see you.” But I couldn’t go to the LIVE because I had a shoot for drama ‘Korean Odyssey.” The shoot ended around 3:30 a.m. so I went to see him briefly. So I ended up going straight back to the drama set without sleeping (Laughs). Jaejin went to the LIVE. 

―― How was ONE OK ROCK LIVE?

Jaejin: There are many Korean male celebrities who are fan of ONE OK ROCK. So I went to LIVE with them. It was great. It’s one of my TOP 5 LIVES. I’m not in a position to judge but I want to tell him, “it was great!” ―― Which part of LIVE did you like? Jaejin: When we do LIVE, we don’t put cameras on stage. But ONE OK ROCK shot from the stage and showed that on the screen. Seeing that, I thought cameras aren’t as distracting as I thought. The video of fans singing together looked pretty. I want to try that at our LIVE too.

―― You found a hint for your LIVE. 

Jaejin:Yes. I can learn from other band LIVEs.

―― I want to hear about your friends. At last December’s『FNC KINGDOM IN JAPAN』actor Arata Mackenyu came to see your LIVE.  

Jaejin: That’s right. I don’t have any younger friends so Mackenyu is cute (Laughs). A friend introduced us and we became close. Mackenyu isn’t like a party animal. I think he just really likes to chat with a bunch of guys. He is cool, works hard and has a clear idea of what he wants to do. Even though he is young, we stay as friends. 

―― Hongki calls actor Ayano Go “girlfriend” ^^  Hongki: Not just Ayano Go, I have many Japanese celebrity fans. A friend introduces me to his friend so I got to know many of them (Laughs). I think we are good at Japanese because we made many friends in Japan. But it’s hard when they all come to Korea. 

――  Why?

Hongki: I’m speaking Japanese in Korea. But when a Japanese friend comes to Korea and introduce him to my Korean friend, I have to translate Korean and Japanese (Laughs).

―― That sounds hard. Earlier, you talked about ONE OK ROCK LIVE in Korea. It doesn’t look like a band culture is that big in Korea. What benefits do you think Japan have for bands?

Minhwan: Japan has many rehearsal studios. I’m jealous of that because there aren’t that many in Korea. From big concert venues to small stages for amateurs, there are countless options in Japan. But there aren’t even that many LIVE houses in Korea. So there’s not many opportunities to see bands. I’m sure there are some kids who don’t know about bands. You only see idols on TV.

―― If Korean children tries to do a band, where do they practice? Minhwan: A school or a church. Jaejin: In Korea, a street called Hongdae is the music street similar to Simokitazawa in Japan. But it has very few studios and LIVE houses.

Gaming in PC Room, How They Enjoy Japan.

―― You’ve come to Japan several times. How do you have fun in Japan? Seunghyun: I went to a PC room in Nagoya to play a network war game that I’m addicted to (Laughs). The members said they’ll come later so I made an appointment and got there first, downloaded the game and waited. I often go to a PC room in Tokyo too. 

―― You come to Japan and still play a game?

Seunghyun: Yes (Laughs). I do think I should stop when I’m in Japan but other than that, I’m the happiest when shopping, taking a walk, drinking craft beer and eating delicious food. 

―― In Korea, bottled beer is the main alcohol.

Minhwan: I don’t really go out...But when I come to Japan, I want to eat ramen or natto.

―― Can you eat natto?

Minhwan: Yes, I really like it! I always eat natto before LIVE. Jonghun: I often go to art galleries or art exhibits.

―― For your first Indies album『So long, Au revoir』released in 2009, Jonghun painted the jacket picture. What do you paint lately? Jonghun:　For『So long, Au revoir』I painted a moon. Now, I’m drawing a star. I don’t just draw space. 

―― Jaejin?

Jaejin: I enjoy local Japanese food like Misonikomi udon in Nagoya. I like food that doesn’t exist in Korea. It’s like with green vegetables and has sticky white balls in the middle...(Draws a picture).

―― Ah, that’s okura. Jaejin: Okura is delicious. Ah, you can find it everywehre in Japan (Laughs).

―― Hongki? Hongki: I enjoy going out for a drink with friends. I sometimes drink Japanese alcohol. I like Highball. 

「If you keep the bond, you can reach your dream」The Message In The Album

―― 8th album『PLANET BONDS』comes out April 11th. What message is in the title song 『Hold the moon?』

Hongki:　I wrote『Hold the moon.』 It’s main theme is “hope” and “dream.” “BONDS” in 『PLANET BONDS』 means ties. There are many kinds of ties. FTISLAND met by ties. We included the message that if we keep the bonds, we can reach the moon, which represents our dream. In『PLANET BONDS』jacket, we are going up the staircase to the moon.  

―― I see. Where will FTISLAND go in the future? Hongki: We’ll buy about 3 buildings and tour via a private jet. (Laughs). 

―― The album has 10 songs. Please tell me your favorite song and recommend the best time to listen to it. Hongki: Mm~ I like all of them... Once you listen to『SAYONARA,』its melody and lyrics will stay with you but...I guess I have to pick『Golden.』I hope you listen to it when you lose self-confidence. I wrote its lyrics. It goes “yourself is the most handsome, the coolest.” I hoped it’d boost self-confidence. There are ups and downs in life. When there are good times, there are also bad times. But you are still the coolest so you don’t have to worry. 

―― Then the lyrics are based on Hongki’s real experience. Hongki: That’s right. I like myself the best so I trust myself the most. I get angry when I fall but I get up in the end. I went through several of them in life but I try to forget the bad right away. I don’t drag the past along. I hope everyone does the same. 

―― Jaejin?

Jaejin:　『Skyway.』I recommend you listen to it while showering in the morning. It has good beats and it’s a very romantic song.

Jonghun: I pick『FLOWER ROAD.』All the members sang it and I hope we sing it together at LIVE. Minhwan: I also pick『FLOWER ROAD.』

Seunghyun: I like『SAYONARA』 and Jaejin’s 『Dancing on.』It’s fun to perform『Dancing on.』I look forward to performing it at our next LIVE. Minhwan, isn’t it hard to drum for Jaejin’s song? Minhwan: No problem! Jaejin: As expected, FTISLAND’s drum is so dependable!

――Following the album, arena tour『FTISLAND Arena Tour 2018 -PLANET BONDS- 』begins April 26th. FTISLAND’s charm is always LIVE! Hongki: Yes, we only have LIVE. I think our LIVE applies ointments on our fans’ heart. I think it’s healing. 

―― Which song from the album would be the most fun to play at LIVE? Hongki: We haven’t done it yet~ Every song is different. Some songs can be more fun to listen to than when performed LIVE. So we don’t know until we try them. I’m looking forward to everyone’s reaction!

*** Cr. LIVEDOOR + DJ. Pri @tumblr (Twitter @Chocopiek) 

[chemiste]

Foresight ~ ch.3

a/n : here’s chapter 3 :)

masterlist

A couple cheers were thrown from people.

Mr. Azoff twiddled his fingers together for a moment then stood up, “Great! Let’s get Hélène to take a couple pictures of you with the band that can be posted later tonight on Harry’s story and also get you a tour shirt! We’ve got to make it seem like you’ve known him forever right? Get to chatting in the dressing room and I’ll find our photographer.” Jeff zipped out the room with the other crew hot on his tail.

Maggie exited first and told you she was going to find the bathroom, which left you and H to walk the dressing room.

“Thank you, for this.” You spoke up, smiling to the man before you. “I know it must be a lot of work to cover for me but I really appreciate it.” “I know what it’s like to be pressured to tell eve’yone something you’re not ready for the world t’ know and ‘m happy I could protect you from it.” The statement was endearing, but made you a bit sad for the boy walking alongside you.

 He never got to do stupid teenager things without the media breathing down his neck, you thought somberly as you both approached the dressing room.

Before he could open the door, you put your hand on his arm and in a quiet voice said to him, “I’m sorry about the pressure you face from the public, it’s not fair to you or anyone associated with you. But, I want you to know that your strength made it easier for me to make this decision. I’m glad you’re the celebrity I fell into an E!News scandal with.”

Harry laughed at your jab to the article and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you Y/N,” he mumbled into your hair that his face was buried in.

You both entered the dressing room and were met with the other band members. Sarah smiled when you came in and stood up to give you a hug, “Hey Y/N, sorry about all the commotion but we’re happy to have another girl on the trip with us!”

The door opened and Jeff came in with a pink TPWK sweatshirt. “Here,” he wanted it to you, “you can wear this during the show and stand either in the pit again, or balcony, or where I think would be best, the side of the stage.” “Why?” You asked as you quickly slipped your turtle neck off under the sweatshirt so you wouldn’t get too hot.

Thank god I didn’t get stuck like last time trying to do that.

“Because it will help sell the whole ‘long time friend’ thing for Harry, you can stand just a tiny bit in view during a couple songs so that fans take a picture to post seeing you here at another venue and then the speculation will go away.”

He then motioned to Harry, “You also need to follow her on Instagram and quickly, then after he does Y/N, you can answer a comment from someone asking about the follow thing and just say you didn’t want the public eye on you so much but now there’s no reason for him not to follow you, do you understand so far?”

You nodded and Jeff seemed satisfied.

He clasped his hands together, “Alright, Harry you need to change and get hair and makeup done—” “only hair!” “—and then it’s time to rock and roll.” Y/N, just follow Hélène out once Mabel ends and she’ll show you where to stand.” The manager left and Harry was circled by dressing assistants and his hairstylist/makeup artist.

As he was being pulled away he turned to you, “Hey where’s your friend…” “Maggie.” “Yeh, where’s Maggie?”

You moved to get comfy on the couch as he was forced into the makeup chair. “She’s in a hallway 3 hallways down from us, but in about 4 minutes and 23 seconds she’ll come through the door saying something about the bathroom being too far away from the dressing room.” You said causally, keeping eye contact with the British heartthrob through the mirror.

He looked forward to his own reflection and mumbled, “that’s so cool.”

Exactly 4 minutes and 23 seconds later, Maggie comes bursting through the door exclaiming, “Famous people use the dressing room! Why is the bathroom so far away from it! Terrible terrible I tell you!”

Harry and you both made eye contact as she threw a mini tantrum and then bursted out in laughter. Maggie stood there clueless, “What’s so funny? Guys? Stop laughing— guys!”

You could hear the thunderous screams as you followed Hélène to where you’d be standing. Maggie tagged along as well but was told to not step out into view with you or else they’d have another scandal and didn’t want to deal with it.

“Here we are!” She announced over the crowd to you, from your spot on the stage you could see the rubric’s cube on the screen above and the first few rows of fans at the barricade.

Hélène motioned for you two to come closer to her, “If you get tired of standing, there’s to fold out chairs over there. Y/N, step out a little after Harry asks for lighting in the crowd, this is will help them notice you a bit. I’ve got to get in position but I’ll see you girls after!”

You gave the photographer a thumbs up and she ran out to take the beginning shots of the crowd. Maggie squealed next to you, “This is so cool! We get to see him right in front of us!” “We were in front last time though Mags.” “Yes, yes but this time we’re on the stage!! It’s like our personal booth at an opera!”

Before you could respond, Only Angel started to play and the crowd really cheered then. You watched in awe as the screen lifted and there stood Harry Styles.

The songs were spectacular just like last time, you danced with Maggie and sang to your heart's content. It was great to watch Harry from this angle, you could see the joy in his face from all the smiles he was receiving.

“Can we get the lights up ’n ‘ere?” He asked into the microphone, you knew this was your ‘moment’ to shine. You gave a quick look to Mags who gave you a thumbs up.

Then, little by little, you shuffled into the direct eyesight of the crowd, still on the side of the stage. You lean on the wall to try and relax.

Y/N come on, look like you’re here for your friend and that’s your only concern!

With that thought in mind, you allowed your body to relax and enjoy watching the poster interact with fans. You’d always thought of him as a pretty chill celebrity but looking at him now, you could see how much he appreciated his fans and it was humbling.

Click! Click!

Flash!

Click!

Tiny bursts of light started appearing in your peripheral vision, you turned your head slightly to see a couple people had taken notice to your presence.

This is good Y/N, keep calm, everything is falling into place correctly.

“Y/N! Y/N! How do you know Harry Styles?!!” Shouts at you started to attract more attention away from Harry who was talking to the opposite side of the crowd and over to you.

Oh no, this is a bit much now. You looked up to Harry with a startled expression as you saw him watching the crowd looking to wear people were pointing.

You both made eye contact and he smiled with a tip of his head. “alrigh’ alrigh’, quit your whinin’. That’s m’ friend Y/N in case yeh were wonderin’ ya snoops.”

You let out a big breath as the crowd laughed with him, you mouthed thank you to him and he tipped his head in your direction.

“Let’s start another song shall we?”

Watching the finale song was very energizing, harry was giving it his all and the crowd was eating it up. Once it ended, the band took a bow and started to head off stage in your direction.

A sweaty Harry came darting right at you and with no time to react, he picked you up and swung you around. There’ll definitely be pictures of that on social media.

“You were fantastic Harry!” Maggie said as he put you down and started to walk back to the dressing room with everyone else. You followed alongside him with Mags and she continued to gossip about the whole concert.

“Did you see the girl in the front with the pink hair?! It was so cute when you sang medicine she turned to the girl next to her and confessed her love for her!! They kissed and everything, it was like a movie moment! And then—“

You zoned out Maggie’s rambling to glance at the rockstar next to you, even dripping sweat he still looked effortlessly handsome.

Stop that right now, no thought’s about licking the sweat from his brow or—hey! No-one of that Jess!

You shook your head and returned to the conversation at hand as you entered the dressing room. Celebratory cheers engulfed the room as Harry entered. Mitch and Sarah had a champagne bottle which they popped and dispersed into paper cups.

Once the cups were passed out, Harry lifted his into the air. “Here’s t’ new friends and a killer performance!” Everyone let out a cheers! and took a drink.

You chatted with Maggie for a bit before you heard your phone ringing on the table in front of you.

I must have left it here during the show. You went to grab it and saw a bunch of missed calls from your mother. Oh Lucy… What? You clicked call back and left the room to speak in the quiet hallway.

“Y/N? Y/N! Oh my gosh we were so worried—“ “Mom! What’s wrong? What about Lucy?” “Darling, she called us while we were out gardening and I only listened to the voicemail she left but she’s sounded confused! She said you were trending—“

“Trending.” You said at the same time as your mother. “Yes— what does that mean sweetheart?!”

You loved your parents, but they were a bit behind with technology slang. “Mom everything is fine, I’m sorry I haven’t called you sooner a lot has been going on.” “Like what Y/N?”

You took a breath, “You know texted you about the concert Mag’s Dad got us tickets to?” “Mhm” “Well, I uh, knew somethings that I shouldn’t because of my psych stuff—“ “Y/N! diD YOU GET ARRESTED?!” “wHAT!—No mother!! I did not get arrested!” A few interns that had been passing by gave you a strange look but continued on, you whispered into the phone.

“Basically I knew lyrics to a song that hadn’t been released and to keep the internet from exploding and my secret getting out, the singer has graciously let me tour with him for some shows.” “And when did you think you were going to tell me this young lady?!” “I’m sorry mom! Everything has just been so hectic that I forgot.”

A deep sigh came from the other side of the phone, “And they’re doing this to protect your special skill?” “Mhm, they are momma.” “Well, alright, what band is it anyway—“ “It’s Harry Styles.” “Styles? Wasn’t that the boy in that small band called wrong direction?”

You stifled a laugh, “One Direction, and they broke up a while ago.” “Really? Oh dang, I thought they had so much potential.” “They did have— oh never mind, I’m going to need to transfer my poetry and photography class online, and get more clothes oh god I didn’t think about clothing.”

“I can pack a couple extra suitcases to be sent over but where would they need to go and I don’t know how to get them to you.”

“Okay, I’ll ask Harry’s manager about. I love you mom but I’ve got to get back to Mags and pack up for tomorrow.”

“Alright, we’re sending our love to you!”

After hanging up, you thought about the clothing situation. I mean, I have my checked suitcase with about 15 outfits (thanks to Maggie’s insistence) but it would be nice to have some nicer stuff since I’ll be with a top list celebrity for the next month so��� hmm.

You went back to the dressing room to find everyone packing up to go back to the hotels to get ready for the 5am wake up tomorrow.

Maggie walked up to you with a goodie bag of merch over her shoulder. “Ready to go?” You nodded and headed to the door. “See you guys later!”

Various versions of bye were voiced to you. As you walked down the hallway, Jeff came out of a different room. “Oh, Y/N great I caught you before you left. I’ll email you where to meet tomorrow, be there at 4am or a bit before since we want to get a move on.”

“Alright, oh one thing, my mother wanted to have a suitcase sent over for me with some more clothes?” He nodded and pulled his phone out, “here, put her email in and I’ll sent an intern in the area to pick it up tonight to be shipped over in time.”

Your eyes widened at his casualness to get something shipped abroad for you. You typed in her email address to his phone, “Thank you so much!” He bid you adieu and you girls took a cab back to the hotel.

“I’m sorry I’m leaving you two days before you’ve got to go home. You sure you don’t want me to ask if you can tag along?”

You said to Mags from your sprawled out spot on the bed across from her as she put her clothing back into her luggage.

“No worries girl! I’m gonna meet up with dad in Germany and have some Dad and Daughter time.” She zipped the bag up and put it on the ground and crawled into bed. “It’ll be good honestly, we haven’t had time together in a while.”

You smiled at your best friend, happy that the weird situation you were in wasn’t leaving her stranded. Maggie reached up and turned out the lamp.

“Good night Y/N.”

“Night Mags.”

ding ding ding! bing! ding bing! ding!

One of your arms wiggled out from under the covers to turn your alarm off. You let out a quiet groan and got up from the comfy bed.

You had been smart and wore what you were gonna wear on the bus to bed so you didn’t need to change. You had on high leggings and the pink sweatshirt from last night over a tank top in case you got hot.

Making sure you didn’t disturb Maggie until you were to say goodbye, you headed into the bathroom and closed the door quietly before fumbling your hand on the wall to find the light switch. You went pee and brushed your teeth, then did your skincare routine and put your hair up out of your face.

As you packed up the stuff you had left out for the morning you saw your eyelash curler at the bottom of your compact bag.

Might as well.

You curled your eyelashes a few times so you didn’t look too horrible for 5am but honestly would blame you?

You left the bathroom and put the last few remanned things in your suitcase and zipped it shut before pulling the handle out. Grabbing your phone and wallet from the table, you unplugged the charger and shoved it into your backpack before putting your tennis shoes on and going over to Mags.

“Hey, I’ve got to go now but I love you and I’ll see you soon kay?” The brunette rolled over to face you and gave a sleepy smile, “I love you Y/N, have fun.”

You gave her a quick kiss on the nose, “Love you too Mags.”

Then with one last sweep of the room to make sure you hadn’t left anything, you grabbed your bags and left.

ch. 4

<3

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