#this is a song to inject estrogen to

[juliacorvia]

It's still cooking but, as inevitable as it was for all my characters and ships my brain latches onto, I have been making a playlist for Adrien, worlds #2 catgirl, not gender neutral, Agreste. and of course the first song on it is 'Dumbest Girl Alive' from 100 gecs

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #9: OBJECT OF AFFECTION

(also on spotify!)

O, wayward soul, I beg of thee an ear; Companionship, a Constant of desire, is all too fleeting. Would thee quell this fire? My love, do you know what you want to hear?

Welcome back to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was some gay shit (Liaison) and today is some more gay shit (Object of Affection)

---

I'm usually pretty good about letting go of the things I make and letting them live imperfectly, but there is exactly one released song of mine that I've ever been actively unhappy with the final product of, that I haven't been able to let go of my displeasure with.

Honor Majesty, off of Autumn Every Day.

It's not that it's a bad song, or that it didn't have good ideas! In fact, I genuinely think it shares more with the music I make now than a lot of my older work does. Rather, it was incredibly rushed and full of uninspired choices I made for the sake of completing the song rather than making it the best version of itself, and it ultimately ended up falling incredibly flat relative to what I wanted it to be!

I really like the intersection of synthpop/electropop and fantasy. One of my favorite musicians ever is Baths, whose album Romaplasm is chock full of this exact thematic and sonic intersection, and it's so deeply inspiring to me that it still gets put on whenever I want to dream things up. I've always wanted to make things like that! Bubbly and fantastical, brimming with a sense of magic so pervasive it makes even the mundane seem mystic.

...Also I'm just a fantasy dork okay. I like wizards and shit. Sue me

I've been wanting to make a grandiose and fantastical story song for years, and my single attempt to do so felt like it missed the mark entirely. I did touch on fantasy a couple times on Bittersweet, but ultimately, when I started working on this album, I knew exactly what I wanted to take a second crack at.

---

The intended story in question here is fairly vague, but to sum it up as literally as possible:

A rebellious, disobedient, gender-questioning prince has mildly inconvenienced "his" royal lineage one too many times. Their solution is to invoke magicks widely regarded as heretical - what's a fantasy monarchy without some hypocrisy - to seal their "son's" soul within an automaton body, rendering "him" a perfect, subservient doll.

This doll is promptly spirited away under cover of darkness by a mage, and is granted free will once again. She experiences the crushing weight of newfound self-awareness and nearly spirals out of control, before realizing the mage who saved her is the same - a doll. It turns out being a magical-mechanical construct has its perks if you are TRANSGENDER. then they overthrow the monarchy and fuck nasty or whatever idk this is where the story gives way to things like "metaphor"

this is a song about artifice and being transgender

Seriously, though, I know that being an electronic-music-producing transgender lesbian with a thing about dolls or robots or whatever is a major endless-store-shelves-of-identical-buzz-lightyear-action-figures moment on my part, but dammit, I own a copy of Logic Pro and a genuine leather wizard hat, I inject estrogen into my stomach fat every Wednesday, and I think ball joints are cute. I'm posting this on Tumblr, for gods sake, I am unconcerned as an active choice

---

With the exception of Liaison, the entirety of Constant Companions utilizes only three unique vocal synth characters - ANRI, Gumi, and Teto. This trifecta was born organically from simply being the vocal synths I enjoy using the most, and in this song, I wanted to use all three of them almost like one single singer, freely shifting intonation based on the context. I messed with this idea before on Ballroom, my voice meshing and melting into Gumi V3's voice, but it felt especially appropriate for this context; Plus, I feel like there aren't a lot of examples of vocal synths being used/recontextualized in this way, and that's a shame in my opinion!!

I really want to do more story-driven songwriting like this in the future as well. Now that I'm a bonafide VocaloP I've been floating the idea of doing a song series with this trio... I'm mostly just worried I'll want to get too ambitious with it.

Off the top of my head, Object of Affection references at least eight other songs of mine - Honor Majesty is an obvious one, but it also directly samples parts of Autumn Every Day, and lyrically references genuinely just a bunch of things. I'm probably forgetting some, even!

I know I'm the Leitmotif Lover, but it's a lot even by my standards. However, this song's entire existence already served to satisfy a fairly self-indulgent desire, and these days, I don't deal in half measures. I think the final product serves as a lovely little look back at where I've come from, though, and perhaps even a little glimpse into the future!

That all being said, Object of Affection in some sense is also a love letter to a beloved part of my creative process - the voice memo. A lot of the audio I've provided with these posts have been recordings off my phone for good reason! Not only are the chops at the beginning of the song entirely comprised of edited recordings I got on my phone, but the sample at the very end happens to be from a particularly legendary recording, never before heard by the public...

Until now. I present to you an excerpt from "the worst beat on planet earth", featuring none other than unit.0.

That's about it for today!! If you have any questions, I'll gladly answer them below, but otherwise, I'll be back here tomorrow to talk about this album's title track laid askew - My Darling, My Companion!

[pride-knightess]

hi! i've got a question from a buff queen in training.

do you have any tips for managing soreness? before hrt i was almost never sore by the second day, but now that im on hrt i feel like my recovery time is outrageous. im often still a bit sore even on the fourth day, it obviously makes it hard to keep up the pace i want.

anyways i know everyone is different but was just wondering if you had experienced this and had any tips, thanks! <3

Ahh, you are haunted by the specter of DOMS (Delayed-onset Muscle Soreness)

HRT is a fuck. I used to be a skinny, scrawny little thing, but when I started HRT and felt myself getting weaker I thought "Fuck that," and now I'm somehow more muscular on Estrogen than I ever was with T inside me.

Healing times come down to a lot of factors like age, hormone profile, diet, etc.

First of all, absolutely make sure you're getting enough protein before and after a workout. Your body heals using protein, so not having enough can make everything take longer. I recommend a protein shake if you're a vegetarian, or chicken breast if you're not.

You also need to make sure your metabolic rate isn't fucked, so fibre is good for that too - this is where our beloved friends vegetables, fruits, and whole grains come into play. If our body is working faster, so is our capacity to heal.

Make sure you're hydrated as all fuck. Water is your bestest friend. Water is all of our bestest friends.

Sleep is super important too, that's where most of the recovering happens. If you're not sleeping properly, you aren't healing properly.

Alcohol and tobacco are rubbish pissbaby chemicals that will try to hold your power back - do not listen to their siren songs.

Now, as for hormones: I self-med with injectables I make myself, which means that sometimes I have a stupid crazy high amount of E in me. Every so often I treat myself to a bit of half-strength T gel (also home made by myself) between the legs for sexual function, energy, and muscle building. This is entirely optional, and to be honest I don't even know if it actually does much to help? I got buff before I added T, but it surely isn't hurting.

Remember to chase up your workout with another one right as the ache is about to dissipate - I forget what the effect is called but if you (GENTLY!) work an area already affected by DOMS you will actually see awesome improvements in strength and mass and tone.

Good luck, warrior!

Become mightier than ever day by day! 💪💪💪💪💪

[sammygender]

1st ever spn post i made: “dean winchester save me. save me dean winchester.”

2nd ever spn post i made: “you guys just don’t get dean winchester the way i do. no one could understand him like me.” <- still true though not in a way i realised then

3rd ever spn post i made: “i already feel like my brain chemistry has been changed by dean winchester and i’ve just started the second season. i haven’t even met castiel yet.” <- person who Does Not Know dstiel is bad yet

4th ever spn post i made: spn fans where are you. come to me. this is a safe space you can come out of hiding. <- person who had 0 spn mutuals

9th spn post i made: it’s just dean winchester parental issues that have me captivated btw. like he’s not even bisexual yet. i was a samgirl before i realised the specific nature of deans emotional problems <- has not realised The Divide between samgirls and deangirls yet

18th spn post i made: i know i’m like deangirl of all time he makes me go insane but truthfully i’m returning to my samgirl roots this season……he has everything. who’s dean? some older brother bisexual with a dog motif and daddy issues? 🙄 he could never <- had just started s4. historical posts made moments before disaster (samgirlism descent and dean disillusionment).

23rd spn post i made: i’m a samgirl

26th spn post i made: sam winchester did nothing wrong

29th spn post i made: spn s4 au where instead of sam drinking ruby’s blood he’s injecting her estrogen. ideologically awful but it’d slay. deans transphobic

35th spn post i made: ‘sam has made unforgivable mistakes’ shut up ‘sams redemption arc in s5’ shut up ‘sam’s way of making up for his one evil mistake in s4’ SHUT UP ‘sam’s ending in swan song perfectly redeems his character’ SHUT THE FUCK UP i hope you people die

[robotmechagirl]

Fem Friday #15! d=(^o^)=b

I think number 15 anyway? lol

Had to be up stupid early this morning for work and had plans for after. So I injected my estrogen when I first woke up. I know with certainty now that the estrogen is a strong contributor to the bubbly, flowery, feel like I'mma burst into song because the emotion is so heavy feeling. I also know it's nauseating to feel this way.

Normally I have adequate sleep and food so the nausea isn't bad, kinda fun even. Today I have neither had proper sleep nor nutrition, on top of being exhausted from work. This sug, is why I am now suffering as I am writing this to you. That's important context for what I am about to share.

For you see... I'm in a really weird situation.

I have two people that like and are attracted to me. I connected with them both through the same dating app. If they had been products of creation, then each of them would be a master piece of a human being. They both command my respect, awe, and my admiration in different ways. I cannot properly express to you how darling and dear they each are. If I thought that they would be okay with a polycule I would gladly date them both.

At least one of them is monogamous. So it's actually quite bad that things have kept escalating with both of them and I haven't really had a chance to sort my own feelings. It only happened because I kept thinking I got ghosted by each of them so there were never qualms letting things escalate. One had told me they were thinking friends with the possibility for more, so I was like... Cool, friends :3, and accepted a date from the other. But the date got moved from Saturday to this evening 2(?) days ago. Then things rapidly escalted between me and the one that said friends.

The one that said friends is person A. The one I got a date with is person 1.

Person A is one town over with a very busy schedule and my biggest source of insecurity with this is we have not set up a date. It's been thrown around as an ideal, but every time we talk logistics we simply end up not knowing. After so many long distance relationships this kinda fucks with me because it would be a process of probably me having to move again and dealing with the loneliness or distance for a while if I wanted to merge lives with them, which seems to be their intent towards me.

Person A seems to really really like me. They message me quite frequently now. We've talked about a lot and had deep conversations. They flippin' call me beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, etc... ToT We really do vibe and I feel myself caring very deeply about them. I'm sure I would be happy with them.

Person 1 is in the same town as me and also a very busy schedule. My biggest insecurity with them is they text so infrequently that I've actually thought I was ghosted twice before catching on that they just feel less pressure to text because they can simply meet me whenever.

When I asked my friends about going on a date with person 1 they kept assuring me that I was overthinking and that it was not unethical to explore my options, despite realizing the night before that person A caught some really deep feelings for me. When I met them for the date we really did vibe. We share a buttload of values and interests. The strongest appeal is that I can just see them in person and it makes me feel way more secure to know if I pursue this path that a tangible relationship will come to fruition. I could also see myself being very happy and content with this person. (Editing note: I felt like I was gonna keel over the entire date. Like legit worried I would faint and slam my head on something)

I want to disclose to both of them my thoughts and feelings, but I haven't figured out a way to do so tactfully and minimize hurt feelings. I want to communicate like a fucking adult and not tangle myself in a web of lying by ommission. They're not even comparable and it's not like I wouldn't be happy and content with either of them. Like god damn I just want to be loved and to love. I know I can't continue forward without some hard conversations and probably hurt feelings.

I am thinking I need to decide what I actually want because I'm centered in this. Regardless of whether or not I fucked up I need to take control of it before everybody gets burned.

Kinda fuckin' weird to be sharing this online with you, but I've been making it a point to publicly document my experience so that you can see the world through my eyes. It's impossible to separate my experience from the fact that I am a trans woman and you can see how that colours my lens for the world. I hope I am articulating well and making sense to you.

Fuck I feel nauseous.

[charl0ttan]

i got 0 on that quiz i know about gorillaz and listened to some of their songs but never a full album am i going to get executed

its ok just come down to my basement and let me inject you with this super music juice that totally isnt just estrogen 😁

[v3rsi]

sheepishly approaching with an awkward swag in my strut. do you have any thoughts on transfem sonic and if not give me all of ur transmasc sonic thoughts ever. autism it up mootie

AW DAMN. I WAS GONNA GO TO BED BUT THIS IS LIKE A SIREN'S SONG

honest to god i dont contemplate transfem sonic enough (mostly a transfem shadow and ESPECIALLY tails truther. THAT FOX IS A GIRL.) but honestly in my heart and soul i find it incredibly cute + fun. i love seeing her in track suits because honestly what else would she wear!!! i also love the idea of transfem tails and i think them both having like polar opposite styles would be so funny. sporty activewear vs. more soft frilly things (though i can 100% see tails just living in tshirt + sweatpants while hanging out in her workshop)

i also really really love love her with a ponytail its So real to me. love the idea of like a gold ring pony tail. i also imagine her wearing a lot of florals and accessories? kind of girl you can hear coming b/c of all the jingling + clinking of stuff before you even see her.

i cant tell if i picture her as the type to wear some really wild makeup or go barefaced. i think some bright eyeliner would really be her thing. like simple but bold. i think transfem sonic with neon green eyeliner would cure every ailment befelling anyone alive actually

as for transmasc sonic. rubs my little autistic paws together. im a bit ill over him. he just has that fucking tboy swag i fear. i love love love the idea of most male hedgehogs keeping chest fluff but he still shaves it down (which the consciously shaving down bit is true according to the takeovers) for his little goofball aerodynamic reasons. i like to think he kind of doesnt grow in a good patch of chest fluff (unlike silver. what are they feeding that boy in the future to have that winter coat.) so he just trims it down because it looks + feels better to him

also i see him lowkey afraid of needles so of course he relinquishes T injections to tails who makes fun of him the entire time. i think the idea of tails helping his big bro with a Super Scary Needle is kind of comical to me. like he can do them but hes kind of a wuss about it and needs like 20 minutes of hyping up plus 3 Hours Of Epic Gaming Music For Hardcore Gameplay Playlist [2014] [Free Download] playing to get through it

i like to think that gender-wise being a little feral rodent living in the fucking woods or whatever Classic was doing out there kind of just never made him consider gender. when he eventually had to begin introducing himself + etc. he just went with male with enough confidence everyone was like "ok. sure."

also a little off course. (but this one is my favorite) i absolutely fucking adore the idea of shadow being kind of clueless about it. in my mind palace sonic has visible top surgery scars and i love the idea of shadow being 100% unironically like "wtf happened to you" thinking they're from a fight or something and he has to Very Nicely and Patiently explain The Transgender™ to test tube baby who grew up in the 50s.

900x the funny points if you also hc rouge as visibly trans. i love the idea of shadow just kind of taking people 100% at face value and having a "not my business" approach to things. like yes he's lived with his trans roommate for like 3 years now and has probably picked up her estrogen for her. no he doesnt know why nor feels inclined to ask questions about it.

[gotwcird]

zahra (badly) explains their character's gender-affirming care!

in honour of the start of pride month i'll try to garble out the many thoughts i've had about my trans/non binary characters, specifically the ones who use gender affirming care! this is kind of a sequel post to this post where i explain some of my non-binary character's genders and expressions. consider this a kind of expansion of that, especially since i have more non-cis characters now!

eden kerr-morrow, he/him, trans man

eden's on injectable testosterone, taken once a week on his day off training. eden's been on t since he hit puberty around fourteen, and puberty blockers for about four years before that. he's been on many different doses since starting because he started transitioning from a young age, since about ten-ish. (but he was socially transitioning since he turned 8.) eden got top surgery at 17, because his dysphoria around his chest had always been a big hindrance to him, especially when it came to moving up in artistic gymnastics. funnily enough, his improvement in the sport was massive shortly after he returned to the gym after getting the surgery lol. he was very insecure about the top surgery scars too, which made him careful around who he went shirtless around and was very intricate about his scar care. he's a lot more carefree about being shirtless now, especially since the scars have healed almost completely, and usually they can pass as shadows. eden didn't have to change his name, which he's always grateful about. he usually doesn't pack, doesn't feel the need to, but it's fun to do sometimes. he does have a hefty t-dick though... that being said, the transitioning since young helped him be stealth for most of his young life. he came out as trans after the 2024 olympics where he was a specialist gymnast, and so he's much more open to being more experimental about his style and presentation, which is why he's happy with the pink hair and nose piercing now versus feeling like he has to be in a strict Masculine Presenting box before.

lou racal, they/them, non-binary

lou's been going by they/them since they were in their early 20s, when they were finally able to separate themself from their very conservative family in the philippines. while their natural lanky build lends to androgyny very well, they always were ping ponging around the idea of getting on estrogen, just because they generally like being a little more feminine. but eventually (once they feel even more confident in their gender after therapy and being in a committed relationship with sylvia ko), they'll start on low-dose estrogen through pills! likes the way it softens their features/body, and enjoys the slower transition of doing it through a low dose.

ripley song-o'brien, they/them, transmasc agender

ripley got top surgery a little bit into their mid 20s, not too long after realizing they were definitely more transmasculine over androgynous non-binary. their dad and stepmom helped finance half of their surgery too! they like their scars a lot, and show them off quite proudly, but also it's not like they had much on their chest to remove anyway lolol. depending on the verse, they're also on varying levels of testosterone, usually on the lower end, either through the patch or through skin gel. it doesn't give them much hair, because their dad too is naturally quite hairless, and they only have to shave off like some fuzz on their face once a week. it's why they're proud of their lil happy trail, which is probably the most obvious indicator of hair growth. they're quite happy with not having too obvious of changes, though, often joking that their gender is "pretty boy". they've kind of been on the genderqueer spectrum since they were a late teen though, always been more masculine even as a kid. a huge point of tension between them and their mother. long story short, shortly after high school graduation, they ran away to live with their dad's family who were much more accepting and they were given a lot more space to explore their identity and played around with pronouns until they liked to use they/them pretty exclusively by the time they got into college (though they don't mind being 'misgendered' with he or she).

toby astley, she/her, transfemme intersex demigirl

toby's been out as a trans girl since she was quite young, maybe since about 6-7 years old? she's had a lot of resources at her fingertips because even though her celebrity parents weren't great at raising her, they were very good at throwing money at her, so that gave her the space and therapy to move forward with her gender very early on. her parents having a trans girl as an adopted daughter was also a lot of good (and bad, depending on who's writing the article) press for them, but they were never dismissive of her in that regard so that's one area of her life she can never fault them for. she got on estrogen as young as possible, which helped her pass very well. when she was around 15-16 years old, she was having a lot of hormonal issues that were exacerbated by her hrt therapy so she was put off it for awhile while her doctors could figure out what was happening. one mri scan in, they discovered that she was, in fact, intersex. she has a fully functioning penis, which is why they never flagged anything before, but she also has a somewhat functioning uterus too, and the dosage of estrogen she was taking sent her uterus on overdrive. so once they adjusted her dosage, it was all good, though it also threw toby into a gender spiral once she dove into her 20s lol. she'd always been a lil more feminine looking which worked to her advantage as a transgirl, so after some introspection she settled quite happily in the demi-girl area, which she feels is a lot more in line with how she feels as someone trans but also intersex.

[bunnywithgender]

you should listen to ska in the middle of the night

its good for the health

here is a song that talks shit on famous abusers

here is a song mostly about addiction that includes the line "please inject me with iced coffee and estrogen"

or you could listen to BAD OPERATION by BAD OPERATION on the album BAD OPERATION

no matter the reason you should play some ska

[solar-megafauna]

eggs get 3 months of leniency CONTINGENT ON estrogen INJECTED NO LESS THAN WEEKLY. less than that and you're suffering medical malpractice.

you will press the magical anti-rejection drug into your neck thighs or tummy until a skirt shoots out your ass in a flight of song, or so help me.

would everyone trying to adapt the magical girl aesthetic or naming conventions PLEASE read the room and join one of the many, MANY toku crews with an X-1/X ratio of men to anyone else

you don't need to be a puella magi. go read kamen rider gaim.

[discodeerdiary]

I used to listen to this song every time I injected my estrogen