#this is a semi? resolution to the worried parent Urpi storyline if you squint

[cryingpariah]

Urpi smiling at watching her son-in-law with the Seraphim. She smiles seeing him ruffle Gryphon's hair when he gets an answer right on his math worksheet. She smiles seeing him wipe Gabriel's nose at dinner because the little peanut always gets a runny nose when he eats curry. She smiles seeing him put Nemo to bed with his little stuffed lion.

But Crocodile feels deep guilt whenever he catches this because he couldn't do the same for Luffy and he's worried about Urpi resenting him for that.

“You seemed trouble dear, is everything alright?”

She was making that face again, the picturesque look of warm motherly concern and understanding. Crocodile didn’t know if he deserved to be looked at like that.

He had seen her with the boys, with Dragon, anyone she comes into contact with comes out the other side..better. Warmer. Loved. She understood every one of the Gabriel and Gryphon's nonsensical games. Nemo loved her immediately and refused to leave her arms once in them. He had heard story after story from Dragon about her endless kindness and genuine nature. She was the perfect parent for crying out loud!

And Crocodile….

He met her eyes now, lined with wrinkles and patience before loosing a heavy sigh.

“I was just…wondering is all.”

She smiled, crossing one leg over the other and resting her chin in the palm of her hand.

“Wonder away dear, but don’t be scared to ask either.”

Was he so blatantly obvious or was mind reading some secret Shandian talent she had never deigned to share?

“Alright you caught me. It’s just…aren’t you upset with me, Mrs Urpi?”

An owlishly expression of surprise crossed her face. Her eyes looked around the room a little, as if she was trying to find where the question had even come from.

“Dear I can assure you I am most certainly not upset with you. I apologize if I gave you that impression-“

Crocodile surged forward in his seat, his voice rising and his one good hand gesturing at nothing.“With all due respect Mrs Urpi, let us drop the niceties. I am no child, please speak your mind and be honest: you can’t possibly tell me you aren't angry when you see me with the boys acting like a perfect father when Luffy-“

Losing his steam he slumped back into his chair, staring at his lap in shame. “There’s no way you don’t see me as a failure.”

A silence blanketed them, the echoing of the grandfather clock feeling like a gong.

He stood up, shame swirling in his gut. He'll apologize and then make himself scarce until the end of her visit. He'll-

“Crocodile.”

He looked up (he felt like he did that a lot with her) to see her patting the other half of the couch she laid on pointy. The message was clear and received. He shuffled his way over. For a moment neither of them spoke.

“When I first found out I was pregnant I was terrified.”

He glanced at her in surprise. What is she..

“I hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days but I had just it was something I ate. I went to the doctor and I’m sure you can guess what they told me. I was happy but I also felt so distant from it all. I never envisioned myself as a mother, hell there was a point in my life where I never thought I’d make it twenty.”

“The pregnancy itself was fine, it was even fun at times but every moment of quiet had terrible thoughts creeping in. I couldn’t connect with my baby, I couldn’t do the one thing I was just supposed to naturally do and I felt like a failure.”

Crocodile was astounded, he had always felt so othered by pregnancy and birth stories and how the mothers had felt such joy and love but this..

“When Dragon was born I felt blessed but also completely undeserving. Every milestone he didn’t hit on time I believed was my own failing. I could barely eat or sleep, I didn’t even shower. I was paranoid and frantic. I watched him almost obsessively but balked at times when he got too close. I thought I was ruining him, that Nika himself was trying to tell me I wasn’t fit to be a mother.”

He didn’t know who reached out, all he knew was his hand was so tightly grasping hers and he felt every word that spilled from her lips like a sucker punch. In five minutes she had made him feel more seen and understood than he had in nearly twenty years and it was as gratifying as it was overwhelming.

“I-I don’t understand..why are you..”

She turned to him, her eyes and smile equally watery. She loosed her hand from his, using it to caress his back as she pulled him close.

“My dear Crocodile, I will never blame you for making your choice then nor do I blame you for choosing differently now. To overcome what you have..I cannot imagine such strength. I just wanted you to know that you never have been alone in your fears. It does not mark you as weak. I want you to remember that I am so very proud of you.”

Oh.

They didn’t speak more than that, they didn’t need to. Her gradually wetter shoulder and back spoke volumes. Had she known he was so close to tears? Is that why she tugged him into this hug, to allow him the appearance of keeping his dignity by hiding it behind her? It definitely didn’t matter but with the doubts and worries of being secretly resenting washing he had to think of something right?