#this is a rly old sketch and im in pain

[eluvixnsarchived]

ART TO DO LIST BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY WANTS AND FORGET THINGS:

ur WoL / oc sketches proper

haylin outside of ishgard visiting an old friend ( im crying already ive started this )

emetbro and azem!haylin ( elysia )

haylin and arlo bc i love pain

dying to do a g'raha piece i just dont know WHAT

drk!benedikt bc the concept is saucy to me

design ideas for asher and milo

doodle sheet of the wedding when it releases bc 🫠

haylin sheet for all the universes she's in ( ffxiv, dragon age, mass effect, pokemon etcetc )

also haylin in my au bc court!haylin is 🤤

i also really wanna figure out face stuff for the scions so i can draw them into pieces with haylin and ben?????

idk i wanna do another doodle batch of isopods

rogue!nari mhmmhmhmm

hotd studies as s2 airs thank u

and some dw studies

i also rly wanted to do an updated leon

and a leon kennedy doodle sheet

oh and i need to finally finally start posting to my oc blog when i have settled on it bc i really wanna get back to my ocs and connect again and have FUN

[jelliestar]

SSP1.... sorry.

SEE I TOLD YOU ID BE BACK W THIS..... IM SO SORRY....

ok well it turns out I forget stuff way too easily um. so I actually made a mind map of stuff to work on from the last game from project 04 in ESP and yeah. no wonder i got the research done so fast it was so detailed asw and I FORGOT ABOUT ITTTT ok here it is fgjdhkd

mind map. literal lifesaver. that i FORGOT ABOUT.

ok anwyay so I honestly had soooo much stuff to work on, like firstly I had to figure out if I even wanted to do a game now because of how insanely painful it was last time.... but ofc as you can so clearly tell, I LOVE to torture myself. so. yknow. that didn't last long, though I did do some really stupid sketches of comics (I will post these later I very stupidly forgot my sketchbook at home. erm. yeah. anyway.

the next thing I kinda looked into was the story. "kinda" I wrote up 4 different storylines. actually those will get a post of their own each bevause I consider myself a genius lowkey for the things I do with evil/toxic/tragic lesbians in my brain (God I love my OCs)

then I went on to actually look into the technical aspects of how I was going to make the game now. Honestly, I'd basically given up all hope on ren'py, so I actually decided I wanted to use unity and make my own setup for the vn on there. I found a really good set of tutorials on youtube, I'll make a playlist of those and link them in a seperate post too!

Along with this, I began to look into how I would elevate the artwork of my game- at this point I was still in the old style, using the old sprites and visuals, so I wanted to see if I could perhaps rig the character models on live2d! I actually spent quite a while learning how to rig 2d images on there, but then opted not to go down that path because I genuinely just wouldn't have time for that. That being said, it did help me a lot when I did end up changing the artstyle of the game to simplify my character designs, as that was something I had to get used to when drawing to rig.

This was hoenstly such a great starting point for me because I ended up doing SO much research and it rly helped my game blossom!!!

[hokannko]

[ MAJOR KALEIDOSCOPE OF DEATH SPOILERS ]

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“Cheng Qianli didn’t speak. The life in his eyes was beginning to fade, and the breath in him was weakening. Like color fading from a painting until all that was left was black and white, a chill enveloped his entire body.

He worked hard to open his mouth, calling out, “Ge.” And then, with all the strength left in his body, said a last few words: “Don't…be sad.”

[ruvigapo]

Another personal post today bc i feel like i just.. am better able to think when i know someone's listening.

Remember blog culture?? I'm channeling That right now 😂😂

It's occured to me lately all the ways on which my adhd really has inhibited my ability to draw, and i just wanted to write it all out in a bulletpoint format and go through them to see if i can't find a solution to some of them.

Boredom - i get bored doing the same thing for too long and will rarely finish something if it takes me more than a week to finish.

Computer runs on 4GB - My computer is, sadly, shit. Which means a lot if waiting and hassling to save files on external hard drives.

External validation - not unique to adhd but i've been told we react much more strongly to other people's opinions of us, which sounds about right. So if i don't feel other people enjoy what i make, or even one person doesn't, whose opinion i value, i lose motivation.

Going outside - drawing from life is something i enjoy but it's very hard for me to do, which has led to me feeling very stuck in a single mindset for a very long time even though i would like to get inspiration from other sources. The insp bank is just very empty.

Starting and stopping - it's just such a hassle to navigate hyperfocus. To an extent i know how to trigger it, work with it, make the most of it, etc. But it still just takes a Lot of energy to manage.

Back pain - having a hard time exercising and stretching regularly has made it so my back pain is stopping me from drawing even if i want to.

Too tired all the time - everything is much more exausting when u have adhd so even if i wanted to work on åersonal projects or whatever, the physical and emotional toll is just too high.

Probably not an exaustice list lbr but at leadt i have it.

So a few things are more existential in nature like: "what do i want to spend my limited time on this earth making?" "Why do i feel like what i am doing is not enough?" Etc. Etc. And probably can't be solved in one sitting.

A couple things can rly be aided by a better settup though so once i move in i'm going to need to start thinking about a better settup:

A better computer with a RAM that doesn't actively want me dead.

(And good screen placement to go w that, so im not actively murdering my neck).

(And a new tablet that's not 10yrs old and a safety hazard).

Established places for all my tools so i can work with minimal effort.

Smaller usb sticks labeled by year would be nice. Computer folders drive me mad.

An inspiration board (and planning board) would be nice. Being able to visually see all my projects in action at all times. Worth a try honestly.

Moving in and settling down will aid on a few fronts:

Generally not being constantly worried about moving in to a new appartment will be swell. Love that for future me.

Exercise will happen more regularly once i move in and am not constantly stressed. Also i'll live rly close to a gym so.. fingers crossed that solves That problem.

Going back to work will help with that.

Fingers crossed ill have energy for parkour again soon🤞🤞🤞

Genuinely no solution for the Too Tired problem. I'll likely just have to let myself rest once in a while even if it means giving up on exercise and drawing for a week or more at a time. Which is probably healthy lbr.

Which.. that leaves the three biggest issues (shocker).

Going outside would help with boredom but going outside is hard.

I think i'll have to invest in some better outdoorsy bags. Like those rly cool leather hip pouches. Those would be great. Just.. a way to easily carry equipment qith me so i can just draw when i feel like it and don't have to dig around a bag just find a pencil.

Like this lol. Big enough to fit an a5 sketch book bc that's my preffered size snd like.. one water colour set and a pen. Imagine that. I think that would be Swell. I don't need a bunch. Just enough that i can carry the essentials anywhere i go.

The dream.

Another reason to marry a leather worker.

And honestly like.. i think taking a break from fanart and social media and just going outside to draw and see the world.

I think that's what i need rn.

Then there's the issue of external validation, which isn't anyone's fault, it just kinda Is.

I figure quitting social media can help with that too. Sorry to say.

The rest is probably just processing what i want to do and stuff. Ya kno. The existential bits.

[ishqbaaaaz]

Ishqbaaaz - Sept 14 2017 - Episode 368

Sorry for the late post! I was so tired yesterday from work so it’’ll be a double feature today.

Starting off with ShivRu and this is where hes asking Shivaay for help because he wants to show Bhavya hes not a child but a man

LOL LOOK AT THESE DAMN DICK JOKES

ANNIKA NE BATAYA HAI? LMFAO BYE

How would she know what your dick looks like ya’ll havent done anything

“Mein chata hoon, jaise Annika bhabhi khush hai, Bhavya bhi waise khush rahe”

IM DYING THIS IS INCREDIBLE

SHIVAAY IS LIKE ?????

Hes like Imma call you a doctor for treatment

Rudra is like what the fuck 

He tells him he needs to make money

Shivaay is like ohhhhh you need busniess advice I thought you were having performance issues

Rudra is like HOW DARE YOU BHAIYA

Now Gauri is at his art exhibition

when did Omkara have time to paint all of these, he was busy with all the family mess and then he was in Germany and then they were on the run LOL

I LOVE THIS NEW VERSION OF SAATHIYA SO MUCH LIKE I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL

Omi is holding out his hand for her

this is a fucking dream I can feel it

LOOK AT THEM HOLDING HANDS 

EVEN IF THIS IS A DREAM IM OK

He called her his inspiration 

He called her his wife lmfao this is a fucking dream

HA I KNEW IT

Some ol bs

Aww poor Gauri back to reality

Shivaay is trying to help Rudy 

what kind of advice is this

LOL LIKE YOU’RE ASSET

RUDY HAS A PANIC LMAO

Shivaay is so happy his brother is okay

nerd omg

Gauri finds Om

Shes talking to another girl

Shes like who the fuck is this WOMAN

She feels out of place because shes in desi clothes

ITS OK BOOBOO I THINK DESI CLOTHES ARE PRETTIER THAN WESTERN

YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST ONE THERE

Honestly some of those dresses are ugly lmao

Who the fuck is this Vrinda

Ouu she makes a good point

his old paintings were dark and filled with angst and pain

but his paintings now are filled with light and life

I WONDER WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS NOW

She asks who’s his inspiration

Gauri is all excited thinking hes gonna say her since he told her it was her

THIS BITCH ASS JUST SAID ITS NOTHING LIKE THAT

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME

OMKARA SINGH OBEROI YOU DO NOT DESERVE MY NUGGET GAURI OK YOU ARE TRASH

This woman just gave my queen a dirty look

who the fuck are you BYE FELICIA

Looks like Rudy is gonna sell his workout stuff

Bhavya is tracking Rudra lmao

These people making fun of his friend

ok i dont rly care im forwarding

Om finally sees Gauri

hes all why you here

why the fuck else ya IDIOT

He introduces Gauri

THIS BITCH ASS DIDNT SAY SHE WAS HIS WIFE

GAURI LOOK SO HURT

IM SO MAD AT THIS

Rudra childhood flashback

Aww he was bullied because he was chubby

Why is Shivaay’s room still the same

he had the same fucking room since he was like 8???

HES GONNA SELL THE WATCH SHIVAAY GAVE HIM AW

I hope theres a moment where Bhavya bought it back for him

The press notice that Gauri is from the paintings

Theyre asking her how theyre related

Gauri doesnt understand the question

She asks them to ask her in hindi because she doesnt understand english

DID THEY ALL JUST LAUGH AT HER??

YOU ARE ALL HINDI NEWS CHANNELS

Theyre asking if she brought out the rebirth of his artistry 

Oh no

she only understood birth

SHES TALKING ABOUT HIS BIRTH

ABORT MISSION

STOP BEING MEAN TO MY NUGGET

Oh no shes panicking

Oh no

OH NO

OMKARA STEP IN

RUDRA I DONT CARE OHH MY GOD I WANNA SEE MY NUGGET

He made all the money and now has to pay the car dud 800

YAS OMI STEP IN

DEFEND YOUR WIFE

Ok why does he look mad

WHY IS HE BEING RUDE

OMKARA GO CHOKE PLEASE

Gauri leave bby

he is garbage 

leave him

YOU”RE MAKING HER CRY

She left 

thats right bby you dont have to take it

Gauri you can find someone so much better OMKARA STOP SUCKING THIS IS MAKING IT HARD TO WANT YOU TWO TOGETHER

Bhavya is checking up on Rudy

Shes gonna give him salary

shes giving him 800

he completed the challenge 

lmao this is cheating Bhavya

This bitch Vrinda is talking shit about Gauri to Om

HES STANDING UP FOR HER

WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS WHEN GAURI WAS THERE

WHATS THE POINT 

NOW THAT SHE LEFT UPSET

GOD DAMMIT OMKARA

Ouu i like this music for them

I WISH IT HAD WORDS

ISHQ HUAAAA

I love this song omg

I love this location

its so classic for these brown show shahah

They being romantic AF

Aww look at them

THEY FELL IN THE POOL

Aww theyre cute

HOW IS HER HAIR ALL DONE AGAIN YALL WERE IN THE POOL

Sach?

Bhavya is 4 years older than him

...thats not that big of a deal

well maybe for him

GAURI CRYING

BBY NEEDS A HUG WHERE IS ANNIKA WHEN YOU NEED HER

Shivaay sees her

Shes confiding him in aw

Gauri bby this isnt your fault its Omkara HE IS GARBAGE

Aw Shivaay saw it online

Oh hes making a society thing

I thought this was gonna be heartfelt but no....

Gauri doesnt feel bad that theyre making fun of her but because Omkara was humiliated

BBY NO THIS AINT YOUR FAULT

She says she isnt worthy of him

Shivaay says no bby you are perfect for him

AW THEIR HUG

Bhavya got a phone callll

I actually really like Ruvya’s music

the strings are amazing

Shivaay is getting his champi done!

So only dadi is allowed to touch his hair

I want a scene where Annika do his champiiiiiiiiiiii

Theyre talking about technology and what love was like before

real romance was in letters

Shivaay is getting ideaaaaass

IF YOU SAY I LOVE YOU IN A LETTER IMMA BE MAD

I NEED IT VERBALLY

I NEED IT 

Nakuul’s laugh is so cute omg

But him writing a letter for Annika will be so cute 

Pinky is being sketch again

YOU HAVENT LEARNED ANYTHING I DONT UNDERSTAND

I wonder if the Daksh spoiler is true

kinda hope and kinda not

Dadi is telling her to check herself before she wrecks her

Rudra is like this is NBD age is just a number

YOU CANT HANDLE THAT SHES OLDER?

ITS ONLY 4 YEARS

MY PARENTS ARE 10 YEAR APART HOMIE

ok forwarding tej

Precap: Shivaay is asking Khanna for khoobsurat paper so he cal write a letter

LOL DADI BOOKED HIM

THIS IS SO CUTE