#this is a rly old sketch and im in pain

[eluvixnsarchived]

ART TO DO LIST BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY WANTS AND FORGET THINGS:

ur WoL / oc sketches proper

haylin outside of ishgard visiting an old friend ( im crying already ive started this )

emetbro and azem!haylin ( elysia )

haylin and arlo bc i love pain

dying to do a g'raha piece i just dont know WHAT

drk!benedikt bc the concept is saucy to me

design ideas for asher and milo

doodle sheet of the wedding when it releases bc 🫠

haylin sheet for all the universes she's in ( ffxiv, dragon age, mass effect, pokemon etcetc )

also haylin in my au bc court!haylin is 🤤

i also really wanna figure out face stuff for the scions so i can draw them into pieces with haylin and ben?????

idk i wanna do another doodle batch of isopods

rogue!nari mhmmhmhmm

hotd studies as s2 airs thank u

and some dw studies

i also rly wanted to do an updated leon

and a leon kennedy doodle sheet

oh and i need to finally finally start posting to my oc blog when i have settled on it bc i really wanna get back to my ocs and connect again and have FUN

[jelliestar]

SSP1.... sorry.

SEE I TOLD YOU ID BE BACK W THIS..... IM SO SORRY....

ok well it turns out I forget stuff way too easily um. so I actually made a mind map of stuff to work on from the last game from project 04 in ESP and yeah. no wonder i got the research done so fast it was so detailed asw and I FORGOT ABOUT ITTTT ok here it is fgjdhkd

mind map. literal lifesaver. that i FORGOT ABOUT.

ok anwyay so I honestly had soooo much stuff to work on, like firstly I had to figure out if I even wanted to do a game now because of how insanely painful it was last time.... but ofc as you can so clearly tell, I LOVE to torture myself. so. yknow. that didn't last long, though I did do some really stupid sketches of comics (I will post these later I very stupidly forgot my sketchbook at home. erm. yeah. anyway.

the next thing I kinda looked into was the story. "kinda" I wrote up 4 different storylines. actually those will get a post of their own each bevause I consider myself a genius lowkey for the things I do with evil/toxic/tragic lesbians in my brain (God I love my OCs)

then I went on to actually look into the technical aspects of how I was going to make the game now. Honestly, I'd basically given up all hope on ren'py, so I actually decided I wanted to use unity and make my own setup for the vn on there. I found a really good set of tutorials on youtube, I'll make a playlist of those and link them in a seperate post too!

Along with this, I began to look into how I would elevate the artwork of my game- at this point I was still in the old style, using the old sprites and visuals, so I wanted to see if I could perhaps rig the character models on live2d! I actually spent quite a while learning how to rig 2d images on there, but then opted not to go down that path because I genuinely just wouldn't have time for that. That being said, it did help me a lot when I did end up changing the artstyle of the game to simplify my character designs, as that was something I had to get used to when drawing to rig.

This was hoenstly such a great starting point for me because I ended up doing SO much research and it rly helped my game blossom!!!

[hokannko]

[ MAJOR KALEIDOSCOPE OF DEATH SPOILERS ]

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“Cheng Qianli didn’t speak. The life in his eyes was beginning to fade, and the breath in him was weakening. Like color fading from a painting until all that was left was black and white, a chill enveloped his entire body.

He worked hard to open his mouth, calling out, “Ge.” And then, with all the strength left in his body, said a last few words: “Don't…be sad.”

[ruvigapo]

Another personal post today bc i feel like i just.. am better able to think when i know someone's listening.

Remember blog culture?? I'm channeling That right now 😂😂

It's occured to me lately all the ways on which my adhd really has inhibited my ability to draw, and i just wanted to write it all out in a bulletpoint format and go through them to see if i can't find a solution to some of them.

Boredom - i get bored doing the same thing for too long and will rarely finish something if it takes me more than a week to finish.

Computer runs on 4GB - My computer is, sadly, shit. Which means a lot if waiting and hassling to save files on external hard drives.

External validation - not unique to adhd but i've been told we react much more strongly to other people's opinions of us, which sounds about right. So if i don't feel other people enjoy what i make, or even one person doesn't, whose opinion i value, i lose motivation.

Going outside - drawing from life is something i enjoy but it's very hard for me to do, which has led to me feeling very stuck in a single mindset for a very long time even though i would like to get inspiration from other sources. The insp bank is just very empty.

Starting and stopping - it's just such a hassle to navigate hyperfocus. To an extent i know how to trigger it, work with it, make the most of it, etc. But it still just takes a Lot of energy to manage.

Back pain - having a hard time exercising and stretching regularly has made it so my back pain is stopping me from drawing even if i want to.

Too tired all the time - everything is much more exausting when u have adhd so even if i wanted to work on åersonal projects or whatever, the physical and emotional toll is just too high.

Probably not an exaustice list lbr but at leadt i have it.

So a few things are more existential in nature like: "what do i want to spend my limited time on this earth making?" "Why do i feel like what i am doing is not enough?" Etc. Etc. And probably can't be solved in one sitting.

A couple things can rly be aided by a better settup though so once i move in i'm going to need to start thinking about a better settup:

A better computer with a RAM that doesn't actively want me dead.

(And good screen placement to go w that, so im not actively murdering my neck).

(And a new tablet that's not 10yrs old and a safety hazard).

Established places for all my tools so i can work with minimal effort.

Smaller usb sticks labeled by year would be nice. Computer folders drive me mad.

An inspiration board (and planning board) would be nice. Being able to visually see all my projects in action at all times. Worth a try honestly.

Moving in and settling down will aid on a few fronts:

Generally not being constantly worried about moving in to a new appartment will be swell. Love that for future me.

Exercise will happen more regularly once i move in and am not constantly stressed. Also i'll live rly close to a gym so.. fingers crossed that solves That problem.

Going back to work will help with that.

Fingers crossed ill have energy for parkour again soon🤞🤞🤞

Genuinely no solution for the Too Tired problem. I'll likely just have to let myself rest once in a while even if it means giving up on exercise and drawing for a week or more at a time. Which is probably healthy lbr.

Which.. that leaves the three biggest issues (shocker).

Going outside would help with boredom but going outside is hard.

I think i'll have to invest in some better outdoorsy bags. Like those rly cool leather hip pouches. Those would be great. Just.. a way to easily carry equipment qith me so i can just draw when i feel like it and don't have to dig around a bag just find a pencil.

Like this lol. Big enough to fit an a5 sketch book bc that's my preffered size snd like.. one water colour set and a pen. Imagine that. I think that would be Swell. I don't need a bunch. Just enough that i can carry the essentials anywhere i go.

The dream.

Another reason to marry a leather worker.

And honestly like.. i think taking a break from fanart and social media and just going outside to draw and see the world.

I think that's what i need rn.

Then there's the issue of external validation, which isn't anyone's fault, it just kinda Is.

I figure quitting social media can help with that too. Sorry to say.

The rest is probably just processing what i want to do and stuff. Ya kno. The existential bits.