#this is a recurring thing that happens
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#transformers#g1#transformers: generation 1 s02e02#Flashing#i like how in G1 playing Jazz and Funk too loudly causes Cybertronians to go insane#this isn't them just reacting to loud sounds they talk about how the music disrupts their brain and motor function#this is a recurring thing that happens
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌��� is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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would looooove to be a guard dog. unfortunately i lean more towards emotional support dog. alas, i am not that well behaved and i n too make a break for it as soon as i'm off my lead (partner lets go of hand death grip in the supermarket)
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Reading all this Batfam fic has me trying to guess what stuff happened in canon based on how often it's referenced in multiple works like I'm some scholar trying to reconstruct some ancient lost ur-text based on other people's retellings of it. Like, I'm pretty sure the Batman canon included a scene where Red Hood breaks into the Titans Tower, attacks Tim Drake, and leaves a message saying "Jason Todd was here." Variants of it have shown up in quite a few fics I've read. Do I know the details? Not really. I think that Tim's shoulder was dislocated and the other Titans were drugged, too, but I'm less sure about those than I am of the event broadly happening. Granted, the first fandom in which I read copious amounts of fic is Danny Phantom, notorious for its extensive fanon, so I'm aware that I can't say conclusively whether or not Red Hood attacked Tim Drake in Titans Tower. But I'm pretty sure it happened.
#this is a lot of fun trying to figure out what happened based on recurring events#tbf it is supplemented by a general understanding of Batman from pop culture#as well as what random bits of canon I've seen on tumblr + some animated stuff#batfam#fanfiction#anecdotes by peachdoxie#one of the most fun things to learn about was the existence of tim drake#i was very vaguely aware that the name was associated with robin somehow#but i didnt know anything beyond that#so my idea of who tim drake is is basically completely constructed by fanfiction and also Wikipedia
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"disguise" self
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#néphos#bg3 tav#doodles#this was just supposed to be like that thing the ffxiv ppl were doing because it looked fun (and it was. it was fun)#but halfway through i just started thinking it'd be funny if this was what happened whenever they tried casting disguise self lol#more ammo for gale in their recurring sorcerer v wizard bickering war i suppose
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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes
#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought#that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made#easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway#so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in#but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse#even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders#to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting#worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING#THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD#i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing#i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact#its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt#yapping#adhd
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- Thalassophobia -
#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr#digital drawing#art#my art#original art#I wanted to see if i could capture the feeling of this creepy recurring dream i have#I think one of the spookiest things about this dream is that both my twin sister and my mum have exactly the same one#something we didn't realise until we happened to be discussing weird dreams one day and the giant fish were mentioned#and as we kept talking each of us took turns describing a part of the dream in perfect detail that lined up exactly with everyone else's#this dream takes place in a real location we all know but it doesn't look the way it does IRL#and all of our dreams share the same exact altered version of this place#we all see the giant fish and we all get the same feeling of bottomless dread when we look at them or approach them#I get chills any time i talk about this dream it creeps me out so bad#and i've been wanting to try to capture the feeling of it for a looong time#so here's an attempt
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btw Still thinking about the moment where Tula first realizes she's literally, mechanically unable to keep up with / catch Jaysohn when he bolts and runs his full speed. That revelation that she's not fast enough to stop him, or get alongside him, much less get in front of him to protect him if he needed it. The dread terror of it. :(
#N posts stuff#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#burrow's end#Siobhan said it almost like a joke but then Aabria put Weight behind it and oh boy. oh boy. there's Terror there babey!!!!!!#sure hope that doesn't come back in any significant way in any significant scene. ...........#It's like the moment in ep 2 when Tula's initiative fell behind Both Lila and Jaysohn and the only thing she could do was Watch#as they both jumped into the battle ahead of her. because she couldn't keep up with them...#look Sometimes catching a recurring theme in an actual play show doesn't necessarily Mean anything bc of the improv nature of it#but Obviously the dice also tell stories. and Aabria is a Fantastic GM. and the players are Excellent at role play. so it's..... 👀#certainly not off the table. G-D i'm so invested in this season i'm fully gonna lose my mind no matter what happens lmao#i'm on the edge of my SEAT
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in the last scene, everyone gets something to say except Tifa - the only sound she makes at all are these tearful sobs. she's devastated over losing Aerith
when Nanaki senses Aerith's presence, Tifa looks up for a second, then just... drops her head back onto her arms in the most defeated way
someone give this poor woman a hug, fucking hell
#FFVII Rebirth spoilers#Tifa Lockhart#given it's a recurring thing throughout the game that Aerith confides in Red a lot#honestly the game presents Tifa and Red as Aerith's closest confidants that she spends the most time with#i hope Tifa and Red get to have similar moments to talk about what happened and console each other#especially over Tifa's experience in the Lifestream apparently letting her see the overlapping timelines re: Aerith's death#where we get a case of Schrodinger's Cetra where she is simultaneously both dead and alive#Sephiroth really screwed himself over on that one - an attempt to take Tifa out of the equation#because he knows she is instrumental in breaking his hold over Cloud#has now not only primed her with how that aspect of the Lifestream works - but also given her insight to what's going on on a larger scale
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like. okay. im just imagining sam and dean as kids and they fight like siblings do (im talking in dean voice now). sometimes dean hits sam for being annoying cause that’s also what siblings do. dads gone all the time and when he’s back his feelings are too big for dean to handle and he cant be mad at dad cause it’s DAD, but that’s what dads do, but then sam‘s there when dad goes and sam’s being annoying as usual, can’t he understand what they do is important, can’t he put aside his own stupid wants for once, and dean’s so mad and he loves sam so much but he’s so annoying sometimes and he lashes out and hits him.
it feels a little different this time - dean actually feels kind of bad. but sam just goes quiet and takes it. and dad’s gone a lot. even when he’s there sometimes he gets really angry, too. especially when he’s drunk - sometimes he lashes out if provoked, swings for dean or for sam, sometimes he makes contact. but he never actually means it and besides dean gets what its like, dean understands. and he’s nice, really, most of the time, when he’s around, and he loves them more than anything, so it doesn’t matter. dean’s nice, too, to sam, he loves sam more than anything, so that doesn’t matter either. he’s dean’s dad and dean’s sam’s brother. this is what family is.
and if after a hunt sometimes dean’s still all fired up and sam makes a bitchy comment dean doesn’t like about hunting or dad or school or dean and dean laughs and punches him in the face? rarely sometimes sam hits back. usually more often he just scoffs, wipes the blood away, and turns back to his book or his homework or whatever he thinks is better than dean.
years pass and dad’s still never home and they’re both hunting and sam doesn’t hit back. he thinks he’s better than dean now, above the violence that’s been the language of the winchesters for so long. he just takes it. sometimes that bothers dean more than when they used to actually fight. sometimes it makes him feel guilty, sometimes it makes him more angry. but sometimes he likes it. sam’s not easily controlled and he’s always got something to say but this is a way dean can shut him up - most of the time.
its almost satisfying. it definitely makes him feel better. he’s pretty sure sam knows that, too; pretty sure it’s at least a factor in why he just takes it. maybe it’s his concession to dean, after all. something sam can do for him, does for him. maybe it’s that proof dean’s always searching for that sam does love him, no matter how often he talks about leaving these days. or maybe sometimes it just feels good to hit someone who you’re pretty sure will let you.
#chat i did NOT mean to write half-fic about sam and dean precanon domestic abuse from deans pov but it just happened. 🥰#the thing is. sometimes parental domestic abuse has this recurring theme of: youre mad. about something in your life. and you have to get i#out somehow. and theres this kid. and the kids yours. and youre angry. and if you hit the kid no ones gonna stop you.#and. well. i cant help but picture dean and sam a little like this too#dean is sooo angry all of the time. and canonically this anger does not get expressed towards john bc hes incapable of it. and canonically#he takes these feelings out on sam and sam accepts it. i just. hm#spn#oliver talks#supernatural#sam & dean#my fic#<- kinda#poison in the water#<- my new tag for winchester family abusive dynamics. <3
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the bad thing about tyche flavored rookanis is that if i squint the worst timeline version of them ends up being hades and persephone of hadestown fame. the really fun thing about this is that tyche is hades and i get to do lots of fun gender role reversal but that's where the fun ends and it really sucks for both of them. by the way the west end version of the hadestown album is out <3
#its that recurring thing about responsibility w her. lucanis is talon. lucanis needs to stay.#and she will chain him to that chair herself and then chain herself to him#if lucanis' place is with the crows and tyche's place is with him. then they are both dying here#theyre both miserable and trying to pretend having each other could make this worth it (<- locked in a divorce state they arent aware of)#she is however much more well adjusted than this and it would not happen#but sometimes i must envision my ocs deeply unhappy#tyche laidir#txt
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hey how would irma feel about being the knight of princess kurenai :3c
INCREDIBLY SPOT-ON the custom delivery quests were 100% canon and she even made her an entire spring dress outfit (dyed the appropriate color too. dedication) when kurenai asked for pretty outfits from the surface. don't mind the fact she was politely averting her eyes the entire time and also turned the same shade as the dress. or the fact it was a whole entire quest to get the requisite materials and craft it to perfection. ahem
#you Get her.#it's funny because it's a recurring joke at this point. the dress thing is real btw#i DID craft this dress specifically for this reason. to be in-character and all#yeah i think she has 3 types: 1. weird autistic miqo'te 2. competent older women 3. pretty and dedicated princess-types#mikoto is another strong contender#this made DT a lot more fun. she did believe in sphene. sort of#irma#it's actually really funny that her only actual relationship ended up being m/f. nobody expected that to happen especially not her#diversity... win? unclear
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Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3
#Personal#Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ#I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month#And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful#Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working#Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened#I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good#I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad#I just can't right now. I'm sorry#Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night#Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm#Doing hw until 3am etc etc#It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever
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not really formulating any thoughts right now but i am thinking about victor frankenstein and his well-adjusted childhood and how the very thing that led to his downfall was that he got excited about a book, an idea, and his father dismissed his interest so quickly and so casually that victor kept on that path, rebelling against his dad's dismissal of him, and if not for that, who knows if victor even would have went on to create the creature.
#frankenstein#bluebird.txt#[slaps my copy of frankenstein] THIS BAD BOY CAN FIT EVERYTHING IN IT!!!!#something that's always fascinated me especially this year due to personal stuff has been#just how squishy and moldable children are#they're little sponges#just. life. you can grow up ANY kind of way and you will absorb it all#the smallest or biggest thing#it can be one single event or it can be a continuous recurring thing but you WILL have some kind of issues#even victor says it- if his father had just taken a moment longer to explain to him about agrippa's natural philosophy#rather than simply say 'it is sad trash'#what would have happened?#is that not part of the tragedy? the ways we dismiss each other the way one thing you may think so inconsequential#changes the course of a life#and you can't change it and it would happen always bc how could anyone possibly know how important it could end up being?#maybe i should read some child psychology stuff and then write an essay...#if there's anything my writing class taught me is that i am actually a good writer when i HAVE THE TIME AND LOVE TO POUR INTO IT#narrows eyes at the fuckass 45 minute standardized test essays
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i’m lesbian but i think i’ve been in love with scott smajor multiple times throughout my life
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idk what to even call it but i hate ittttt what do you MEAN i can't relax if im not tense enough. i do some shit to get my heart rate up and im like ah yes finally at peace NO??? why can i not relax physically and mentally at the same time
#it's not Always like this but it's recurring#is it an anxiety thing? often it happens when nothing is even going on#teeths
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