#this is a pretty common experience in both the poly and aroace communities!

[crimeronan]

what do u mean u don’t fall in love what abt all ur partners??!!!

oh don't get me wrong, i LOVE a lot of people, i just don't fall IN love. i'm aroacespec to a significant degree. romantic dates are largely the same for me as just hanging out with people, i prefer not to have sex, et cetera. that's why i always ship polycules but i'm never fussed about how characters draw the lines regarding platonic versus romantic versus sexual relationships. it's really all the same to me. love and partnerships for me are like, i like and respect you So Fucking Much and i think that you are so cool and you make me so happy. i'd like us to remain in each other's lives in a committed way for a long time, whatever shape that takes. cool????

and it is indeed cool. peace sign emoji

[kingofthewilderwest]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. I was tagged by @dyannehs​

LAST:

1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: Myself. Because I lost my cell phone. Outside of that, my mom! 3. Text message: One of my awesomeful friends of awesomeness who I’ve nicknamed Hux (she’s the Hux to my Kylo!) 4. Song you listen to: A nerdy composition project I’m working on. *grins* It’s a secret ’cause I’m gonna share online when I’m done! 5. Time you cried: Actual-actual cry? Don’t remember. Tears in the eyes? Maybe like two days ago? Yay for being broke.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes, I have dated the same person twice, and both experiences were quite wonderful indeed! And I’d probably date her a third time if life came around to it - both times we broke up came from us being too timid to do basic communication about relationship goals. We’re still really good friends rn - honestly either as friends or as dates, I’m happy either way! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes 8. Been cheated on: Not in the sex way, but my first relationship ended because my current gf was hitting blatantly on someone in front of my face, and while we were talking about maybe doing a poly thing, this hitting-on-someone-else was in the venue of putting aside and ignoring me, and that wasn’t okay.  9. Lost someone special: Yes. 10. Been depressed: Oh shit I forgot my depression meds again... *runs to take them* Umm. Yes. The answer’s yes. High-functioning depression, here I am, prime example. Yayyyy [sarcasm] 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink alcohol so nope.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 

12. Silver 13. Chocolate brown 14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Aye! 16. Fallen out of love: Not really? I mean I don’t know how to explain it. 17. Laughed until you cried: Thanks to Lance and Kaltenecker, yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I guess my coworkers thought I was quitting instead of just reducing my hours, so I had to fix that rumor chain straight. 20. Found out who your friends are: I think that’s always an ongoing thing in life. This year, I’d say that I’ve had reaffirmations that the people I care about care about me, so that’s really awesome. It’s wonderful to know that people are thinking of me. And I’m thinking of you, friends! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yep!

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: About 99% of them. It’s very rare for me to add an internet friend to my FB contacts. 23. Do you have any pets: No. My apartment only allows cats and dogs, and I want guinea pigs again. ;_; 24. Do you want to change your name: I’m proud of my name and have used it as a source of inspiration (it means “pure”). That said, in the last few years, I feel increasingly distanced from my name and honestly think of myself far more as being named “Haddock.” Haddock is my name, my birth name is second. Still a good name, but I’m a Haddock. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: On the day itself: relaxed, bought myself froyo, Skyped family, chilled, was awesome. The general-ish week of my birthday: had a dinner with family, stayed up and binged all of VLD S4 the night it came out, hung out with a friend and also binged VLD. Basically, a lot of VLD. 26. What time do you wake up: The number fluctuates quite wildly day-per-day because “sleep schedule” is a myth. Today, I got up at 11 AM. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Answering asks on tumblr and PMing/texting a few good friends. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Having enough money to live comfortably and not stress every time rent week comes around. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: A few days ago, Friday. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Oh where do I fucking start... Well. The biggest thing is I’d do is go back in time and prevent a terrifyingly bad argument/falling out with my ex/ex best friend that happened in 2011-2012, not because I want to still be friends with this person (I don’t anymore), but because the experience was very... traumatic... to both of us and I’d love us not to live with those mental scars. I’m still getting over those scars and it sucks. 31. What are you listening to right now: The composition I’m working on. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah. Don’t know anyone well named Tom, though. One of my coworkers is a Tommy if that counts? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: There’s one wonderful friend of mine who’s going through a really challenging time. I want to help them so badly, but they’ve been closed off and hermitting themselves to the point I think it’s harmful for them, it’s hard to contact them to help them, and they live too far away for me to check on them in person easily. I want to do anything to see them in person to help, or to talk to them, or anything... sitting in silence makes me very worried because this wonderful human soul deserves all the love and support they can get for what they’re going through. 34. Most visited website: Tumblr, Facebook, Netflix, Google. 35. Mole/s: I have two bumps on my forehead, one to either side. I jokingly call them horns, but they’re not evenly lined up, and the one on my left is much larger than the one on my right. 36. Mark/s: Bellybutton scar from a second degree burning incident, lots of scars on my hands right now from falling on concrete two months back, lots of scars on my wrists from a whole bunch of whatnot (I even have one from my sophomore year of high school when a school binder scraped me?), oh. And I have basically leopard-speckled shoulders from countless acne/pimple scars. For unnatural marks... three tats! Plans to get at least two more. 37. Childhood dream: To be a published, bestselling author or a college prof. 38. Hair color: Currently dark brown with bleached bangs and a strip on the right side. Natural hair color is what I call “dusty brown” and some people would call dirty blonde; it’s in that random in-between blonde and brown where the top is blonde-ish and the bottom is rather brown. 39. Long or short hair: I have the conundrum of enjoying my hair either really long or really short. I’m in the process of regrowing it to the long stage. It’s sort of at the bottom-of-the-shoulder-blades/boob length now. Goal is to go back to waist length. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Does Takashi Shirogane count? 41. What do you like about yourself: Honestly, quite a lot? XD I’m very thankful to be a nerd who is apt to learn anything from sciences to arts and music and sports. I’m thankful to be a musician, a composer, a creative writer, an animation junkie, an analytical and logical mind, a complete and utter NERD beyond belief who lives in nerd culture. I love my appearance, I love my facial hair, I love my eyebrows and face shape, I love my body shape, I love that I’m left-handed, I love that I’m not conventionally pretty. I love being a Christian. I love being aroace. I mean when I’m not in a depressive, self-deprecating mode, I really am proud and thankful to be who I am all across the board; there’s very little that I dislike about myself. Mostly what I dislike is my current life situation of not being anywhere career-wise. Everything else, pretty happy. :) 42. Piercings: Two on each earlobe and one halfway up the cartilage. Dammit and I wanted like a dozen piercings by this type in my life. Get me a more stable paycheck and we’re fixing this! 43. Blood type: O+. Most common blood type, woot? 44. Nicknames?: I’ve had a terrifying slew of nicknames over the years. Currently, the most common ones are Haddock, King, (Kylo) Ren, Spock, and Toast. 45. Relationship status: Single in my chill natural habitat. 46. Zodiac: I am so bitter about my Zodiac sign I refuse to say it even though it’s not too hard to figure out what it is given other answers to this meme. 47. Pronouns: He/his/him, though honestly I really don’t care too much what people toss at me. 48. Favorite TV Show: Voltron: Legendary Defender. 50. Right or left hand: LEFT-HANDED WOOOOOOOO LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFTY PRIDE YOOOO! 51. Surgery: When I was nine I had four baby teeth and then the four adult teeth under them removed. Basically, a wisdom tooth like surgery but younger and with different teeth. 52. Hair dyed in different color: FUCK YEAH! I was getting really bored of my natural hair color but was keeping it natural for the purpose of looking professional (job searches). I’d been wanting to reinstate some purple and black again, but with my current job only allowing “natural” hair colors, I decided I couldn’t go that route. Instead I bleached the front and dyed the rest dark brown in a sort of inspiration from Takashi Shirogane. 53. Sport: I played soccer all growing up, so much fun. Love jogging. Sports are great, miss having the opportunity to do team stuff. Also really enjoy watching professional gymnastics, soccer, American football, and especially tennis. 55. Vacation: I want to see so many locations oh my fuck. My “to go to” list includes Bhutan, Nepal, China/Tibet, Mongolia, Cambodia (again... come on I miss it!), Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Japan, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom (England & Scotland), Norway, Canada, Peru, Mexico, South Korea, India, Myanmar, Austria, Germany, Iceland... um. Yeah. You. Get the picture. I NEED TO TRAVEL, YO! 56. Pair of trainers: Uh they’re like really raggedy and old and stuff

MORE GENERAL: 

57. Eating: I’m snacking on M&Ms again, like always. 58. Drinking: Water, though methinks I shall make some homemade ginger tea. 59. I’m about to: Probably go shower. It’s 3 PM and I still am in my pajamas. 62. Want: To fucking write and do NaNo and yet life’s been busy and I haven’t had the time for a word but I HAVE SO MANY VLD FANFICS I WANT TO DO AND AURGHGHGHGHGHGH the goal is to somehow write and finish my universal translator mix-up one this month???? We’ll see! Translators, stay tuned, and thanks again for offering to help! 63. Get married: 97% of me doesn’t want to get married I think? 64. Career: Linguistics consultant of doom. Not sure if this can be a career but if I could, I would enjoy continuing the remote work. To explain: I currently work contract positions with various companies who hire me for short-term projects, in which I use my linguistics expertise to analyze and annotate large sums of data according to certain guidelines. 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. I. LOVE. HUGS. SO. MUCH. HUGGGGGMEEEEE! I always look closed off in my body language but I swear the inside of me is always going “Giff me the cuddles and don’t let go.” 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. Eyes are the most gorgeous thing about humans seriously. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer to be the short one in all social situations. 68. Older or younger: For friends, I’m chill with whatever age you are. Dating, also chill, though I think I tend to prefer being slightly older just ’cause that’s how most of my relationships have been? But really doesn’t matter. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms. Nice arms are unique for me. I’m pretty happy with lots of different stomach types I see - tummies just are cute! :) 71. Sensitive or loud: A combo is fun but what I look for most in any platonic or anything relationship is someone with a deep heart. I want friends with whom I can confide in anything... so has to be that sensitive side (sensitive-logical if that makes sense is what I like best). 72. Hook up or relationship: I’ve done random PG hookups? But my answer for this is relationship; hookups are only fun for short-term boosts of self-confidence and not being 100% genuine and just being like carefree “whatever” for a night (make sure you both know you’re just doing the hookup night though, please guys, no deception!). Long-term relationships though are glorious like none other for their emotional power. <3 That is pure beauty, caring for someone deeply with lasting loyalty. But of course ya’ll know me... I find nothing more beautiful to cherish than deep platonic care! 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Combo of both!

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yeppers 75. Drank hard liquor: Nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes ugh I have no clue where one of my pairs of glasses are again 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: I’ve had sex never so this is an easy answer 79. Broken someone’s heart: Yes 80. Had your heart broken: Yes 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: Yes, typically 85. Miracles: Absolutely 86. Love at first sight: I mean I don’t deny it happens. It happens. But I don’t think it’s pragmatic to think that’s what’ll happen to you. 87. Santa Claus: Come on, of course North and the Guardians are kicking Pitch’s butt! 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure, why not

OTHER: 

90. Current best friend name: I don’t have one best friend right now. A few of my current closest friends are named Josh, “Hux”, Keith, JuLee, Rachel, Peter, and Meredith. 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: HOW DO I PICK ONE FAVORITE MOVIE FUCK YOU?? The Prince of Egypt, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the How to Train Your Dragon movies, Pacific Rim, there, I made a list.

Uhhhhh let’s so who should I tag... if you want to do it... @akkeyroomi @the-mr-eggplant @chiefrosepetal @thefuriousnightfury @insaneskye @fanwriter02 @dragonpride99 @jettara @margarethelstone @shailyesshadow @hubwalker1 @godguy0001 @theravenfliesagain @frosty-viking @jackthevulture @hiccup-is-left-handed @dragonnan @spacekeet @nightfury326 yaknowwhat I am not going to count but we’ll say that’s about 20 XD

[colorisbyshe]

Linking to this post where @officialcisblog​ and I were speaking. I’m creating a new post because it got too long.

@officialcisblog​ said:

Wow you completely ignored the fact that I stated asexuality and aromanticism challenges societal norms!

Also the fact that I’m aspec yeah, but I’m trans/nonbinary and not straight.

You leave out the fact that being asexual doesn’t mean a person is straight. But society has a huge pressure on people to BE overtly sexual and to WANT sex. Which, on one hand is okay, but on the other hand is toxic/harmful to not just ace people.

And trying to compare ace people to just normal straight people is sort of… gross. Asexuality is an identity within itself that has unique characteristics. It’s not comparable to “some person focusing on their career” because that person will probably still be sexually attracted to people and other things that a lot of asexual people wouldn’t. In fact, as an aspec person your blatantly WRONG explanation of asexuality is.. pretty offensive.

Asexual people still have sex. Some do, some don’t. A lot of times it’s just a lack of sexual attraction WHICH IS A FORM OF SEXUALITY.

Part of the LGBT community is that we challenge the norms of society. I mean, look at the drag movement- not the modern one, but the one that occurred during the Queer Revolution/LGBT movement in the 1970’s-90’s. Trans people like Marsha P. Johnson were put out into the spotlight.

Why? Because she challenged a part of society’s construct.

And please don’t act like the LGBT community is “SGA only” because A) you’re throwing bisexual, pansexual polysexual and so on people under the bus- wether it be people who are one of these labels but are primarily attracted to/currently in a relationship with their opposite gender (if they have one) or people who feel like SGA doesn’t fit them because they’re not just attracted to one gender. I mean last time I checked, me being pan doesn’t mean I’m attracted to my same gender. I’m attracted regardless of gender and I don’t want to get lumped in with being “SGA” because it’s not the same experience.

And B) if that was the case Straight trans people need to leave the community. Sorry y'all. Nonbinary people aren’t allowed either.  

((Not to mention the term itself, SGA, is a term which has roots in conversion therapy))

The aspec community is fighting towards having what a lot of others want- like nonbinary people, pan people, and other marginalised identities want.

To be seen. To be seen as more than just a joke or a freak. To educate people on our identities and what they are and what they mean to us. We fight for acceptance and awareness like a lot of the lesser-known marginalised identities of the LGBTQIA+ community do.

And yknow, the community is supposed to pride itself on diversity and acceptance. It’s a COMMUNITY. Shoving your head up your asshole and spending more time screeching about “SGA” people as if they’re superior to the rest of us kind of defeats the purpose, and honestly gets you nowhere. Aspecs aren’t doing any harm to the community by being apart of it, just like how bi/pan/poly people who are with their opposite gender and straight trans people aren’t causing any harm by just simply existing in the community.

I want to begin by saying, no, I’m not ignoring you saying that aromanticism/asexuality challenge societal norms. I’m saying they don’t challenge societal norms. Thanks.

Rest of my response under a read more:

I don’t know why you’re listing off your identities as if they’re relevant? No one in this thread said you can’t be ace, trans, and non-straight. We’re just saying that the cis and straight aces aren’t non-heteronormativie. Neither are cis aroaces. It’s... that simple. If you can be trans non-straight and ace, someone else can therefore be... cis straight and ace. Mind boggling concept, I know.

Society really doesn’t give a fuck if you want sex. Society just cares if you have sex and if the sex you have is the right sex (between two cishet people, typically intraracial, typically everyone involved has no visible disabilities, and it should be procreative unless it’s all about the man’s pleasure). And even then?? Society stops caring if you’re dating. No one looks at elderly couples and is like “ah, there’s a chance you’ve stopped having sex. Society frowns on this.”

So, like, cis straight aces are just as straight as straight non-aces. Especially when you remember, there are aces who have/want/enjoy sex and non-aces who don’t.  There are some people so sex-repulsed they consider that an integral part of their sexuality but would not call themselves ace. They’re still straight if they only want to date the “opposite” gender or are only attracted to the “opposite” gender. Every relationship you can have to sex/romance is incorporated under “straight” if you are solely attracted to the opposite gender. (This is an abstract you, I’m not saying you are straight.) Just like if you are only attracted to the same/similar gender, it does not matter how you are attracted to them or what you want to do with them, you are gay.

I have a question for you--how is a single woman who never wants to date and doesn’t have time for sex treated differently in society that a straight woman who doesn’t feel sexual attraction and doesn’t date? What does society do to differentiate these women? How does the latter woman challenge gender norms in a way the cishet non-ace woman doesn’t?

How do cishet  ace people who have sex challenge gender norms in a way that cishet non-ace people who have sex don’t?

Gender norms aren’t based on whether or not your behaviour is motivated by attraction or not Gender norms are just based on your behaviour, motivators be damned.

If aces can have/want/need sex, what about asexuality is inherently non-heteronormative? What norms are they challenging?

To address your Marsha P Johnson statement, a. fuck you for comparing cishet aces to bisexual trans women and b. did you forget the original post?? We’ve already talked about how transness and gayness are both gender nonconforming and that’s why our activism overlaps.

Where did anyone say the LGBT community is “SGA” only?

Pansexual means “attracted to every gender,” so like... if you aren’t attracted to your own gender... that’s not pan. The only exception being if you don’t have a gender because then... yeah... you can’t be attracted to your own gender. You don’t have one.

Straight trans people are hurt by homophobia and transphobia no shit they belong. We’re talking about cis straight aces and cis araoces. Why do y’all derail posts like this????

SGA doesn’t have roots in conversion therapy. It’s root is “attracted to the same gender” which is an extremely common phrase. It IS used in conversion therapy and it stems from SSA in that case. But it also comes from SGL which is AAVE. Again, same gender attraction is a very common phrase, so it has multiple “origins.”

The ace community A. Isn’t fighting for anything. Seriously can you name a single ace organization that does activism and B. Isn’t fighting for LGBT causes.

Visibility isn’t an LGBT issue. People know LGBT people exist. The LGBT community currently suffers from something called “hypervisibility.” We suffer because people know about us and use that to oppress us.

LGBT people aren’t fighting to not be seen as jokes/freaks. We’re fighting to exist in public and not have our love, lives, sex, bodies, health be legal. We’re fighting for legal protections which we don’t currently have. We’re fighting to not be killed, assaulted, abused, and rejected.

ANY social group can be said ot be fighting for the weak shit you’re listed. LGBT activism has specific goals. Yeah, if you decontextualize it, it sounds just like the ace community’s supposed goals!!

But AGAIN, fighting against coercive sex and romance is actually a FEMINIST issue, not an LGBT one!! In a world where LGBT people are killed for fucking and loving, our goals cannot be also reminding the world “yeah but sex and romance aren’t important.” LGBT people are literally forced into conversion therapy to make them sexless and loveless.

No, we don’t share goals with the ace community.

Aces aren’t doing harm to the community by being part of it. But cishet aces, cishet aros, and cis aroaces are. Because they oppress us.

Bisexuals and straight trans people don’t oppress the community. But thanks for comparing cishets to bisexuals and trans folk. Real nice.

Fuck off.