#this is a fear that has been ingrained into me from a young age both consciously and subconsciously

[kiwibirb1]

I love how being a woman and not legally an adult means that whenever a car pulls up behind/next to me my first reaction and thought is to pick up my pace and debate pretending to be on a call

[lifestyle-hub]

The Real Reason Women Rarely Make the First Move: Fear of Rejection Explained

Image Credit: Keira Burton

The Myth of the Bold Female

For years, we've been fed the narrative of the fearless, independent woman who's not afraid to go after what she wants. While there’s no doubt that women have made incredible strides, the idea that all women are naturally bold and assertive when it comes to love is a harmful stereotype.

Why do many women shy away from taking that initial step? The answer is more complex than it seems and deeply rooted in one powerful emotion, the fear of rejection.

The Social Conditioning Dilemma

Let’s start with the basics. From a young age, many women are subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) conditioned to believe that they should be pursued rather than the pursuers. Think about the fairy tales, movies, and even advice columns many of us grew up with, the prince always comes to rescue the princess, not the other way around. This narrative has ingrained the idea that making the first move isn’t a woman’s role. Even as societal norms progress, this deep-seated conditioning isn’t easily shaken off.

But it’s not just about societal norms. There’s also the harsh reality that women who do make the first move are often judged differently. They might be labeled as “too forward” or “desperate,” which adds another layer of hesitation. This fear of judgment ties directly into the fear of rejection. It’s not just about the possibility of hearing a “no” it’s about the potential social repercussions that come with it.

Rejection Isn't Just a Word, It's a Whole Experience

When we talk about rejection, it’s easy to think of it as a simple “yes or no” scenario. But rejection, especially in a romantic context, isn’t just about the outcome. It’s about the emotional toll it takes on a person’s self-esteem and confidence. For women, who are frequently expected to uphold certain social standards, the fear of rejection can be amplified. It’s not just the fear of being turned down; it’s the fear of what that rejection might imply. Does it mean they’re not attractive enough? Not interesting enough? These questions can spiral into a negative self-assessment that’s difficult to shake.

Moreover, women are more likely to internalize rejection. Studies have shown that while men might shrug off a rejection as “not the right time” or “not the right person,” women are more prone to questioning their self-worth. This difference in response to rejection isn’t just biological, it’s also a result of the way women are socialized to perceive themselves and their value in relationships.

The Role of Power Dynamics

Let’s face it, relationships and dating aren’t just about romance (correct me if I'm wrong). There’s an underlying power dynamic that can make the dating game feel like a minefield. When a woman makes the first move, she’s stepping into a traditionally male role, which can upset the usual balance of power.

This shift can make some men uncomfortable and lead to a power struggle, where the man might feel the need to “reclaim” his role by rejecting the woman, not necessarily because he’s not interested, but because he’s not used to the dynamic. 

Get it?

For women, understanding these dynamics adds another layer of complexity to making the first move. It’s not just about taking a chance on someone, it’s about navigating the potential power shifts and ensuring they’re not considered too aggressive or overstepping.

The Biological Factor

Believe it or not, biology might also play a role. Research suggests that women are often more cautious when it comes to mating decisions. This is rooted in the evolutionary imperative to protect offspring. A woman's choice of partner is more critical due to the significant investment required in pregnancy and child-rearing. As a result, women may be more inclined to weigh their options carefully before making a move.

The Impact of Past Experiences

Past experiences play a significant role in how both men and women approach dating. For women who have made the first move before and faced rejection, the memory of that experience can be enough to deter them from trying again. The sting of rejection lingers, and the fear of repeating that pain becomes a powerful motivator to stay on the sidelines.

In fact, research shows that negative experiences have a stronger impact on our behavior than positive ones. This is known as the negativity bias, where the brain is more likely to remember and dwell on negative events. So, a single rejection can overshadow multiple positive experiences, making the prospect of putting oneself out there again seem too risky.

Changing the Narrative

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. The rise of empowerment movements and the shift towards more egalitarian (social equality) relationships are slowly changing the narrative. More women are taking control of their dating lives and feeling empowered to make the first move. Apps like Bumble, which require women to initiate conversation, are a testament to this change. It’s becoming more socially acceptable for women to take the lead, and with that acceptance comes a reduction in the fear of rejection. But societal change takes time, and while we’re moving in the right direction, there’s still a long way to go. However, even with these strides, the fear of rejection remains a significant hurdle.

So, What's the Real Reason?

When we strip away the layers of social conditioning, power dynamics, and past experiences, the core reason women rarely make the first move is simple, the fear of rejection. It’s a fear that’s deeply ingrained, reinforced by societal norms, and amplified by the potential emotional fallout.

Overcoming the Fear

Remember, it's okay to feel nervous or scared. Everyone does. Building self-confidence can also make a huge difference. The more you believe in yourself, the less you'll fear rejection.

And let's not forget about challenging societal norms. By encouraging open conversations about relationships and gender roles, we can create a more supportive environment for women.

Go get 'em, girls!

Signing out, kad

References

1. Verywell Mind - "The Psychology of Rejection"

2. Cosmopolitan - "Making the first move: How these women do it"

[avenin]

Revali for the fave character list ask game!!!

THANK YOU

I always love giving attention to the boy

*fav thing; His arrogance. He absolutely deserves to have it too! He is the best archer of his time AND he created an entirely new technique of flight simply of his own merit. I think he deserves to be a bit prideful about it! (of course in his annoying teenage boy way).

*least fav thing; His lack of communication. Revali’s inability to be blunt only when it comes to his own feelings drives me up a wall! His emotions control him but he doesn’t/can’t let himself explain himself. It’s not for dramatics either; he shows a deep social awkwardness and isolation from others and I ache thinking of the connection he could have had to the other champion’s of only he could tell them what was wrong with him.

*fav line; I don’t know if I have a favorite line exactly but every time I hear “Revali’s Gale is now ready!” my heart skips a beat. So take what you will with that!

*brOTP; zelvali. I think the two of them would have gotten close. They both have a sense of pettiness to them and an emotional immaturity that would have probably made them clique together really quick but also a deeply ingrained intelligence that I think rivals one another. (you can’t tell me Revali isn’t smart. He created a way to harness the winds to do his bidding; he has at least a basic understanding of aerodynamics and physics!) I think in a way they would bring out the best and worst in one another. Pushing each other to be better, smarter; while also destroying their sleep schedules and dietary habits.

*OTP; revalink, obviously. I am also a fan of miphvali though! I think the reason revalink draws me in so deeply is the tragedy that is losing a love you never really had. Like ships passing in the night of one another. The solidarity and connection they could have had if not only for their pride/fear could have made them an unstoppable team; instead they resented/ignored one another until it was far too late. By the time Revali was willing to acknowledge Link they were already dead and when he gets his second chance, the Link he knew was long gone. It’s heart breaking to think of what could have been.

{though I will say I am quite fond of the concept of them having a secret relationship pre-calamity. Finding comfort and solace in one another’s arms/beds. Even if they don’t know why they feel the pull to one another. I think they could have understood each other in a way not many others could have. They feel like perfect opposites. Both reacting differently to the pressures of life and I think if they had the chance, they could have really brought that other perspective to the other. Given each a sense of freedom. I like to imagine they had that, in some way, before the calamity happened.}

*nOTP; I don’t really have one for him. I don’t find myself having any visceral “no!” reactions to any ship. I’m not a fan of Sidvali (or any iteration of sidvalink). The love-triangle/polyamory solution to the ship war there just isn’t for me. (and is why I actively am writing my modern au to keep away from any of that romantic tension at all). Nothing wrong with the ship, just not my cup of tea.

*random hc; you get two from me! Revali is ridiculously fond of children. A pretty common hc in the fandom but my personal flavor of it is that he doesn’t even pretend he doesn’t like them. He goes full out Big Brother Mode when it comes to the village kids. He absolutely gives them piggyback rides and fixes their clothes/feathers and runs errands for them to make them happy. Also telling them stories and sharing his hammock with them. I think the entire village takes part in raising the fledglings but Revali really enjoys being the older brother to them all. Nice uncle Revali ☺️

another is weaving!! I hc that weaving is a HUGE part of rito culture and that Revali learned how to work a loom at a very young age. He still enjoys using one of the village looms (because he wouldn’t have space for one in his own hut) and using his backstrap loom and lucet fork during the winter months when training isn’t really an option. He probably can’t make the prettiest stuff, but it’s more for practicality than aesthetics. (he also has dozens of blankets and scarves. Some he’s made, some gifts from others. a certain little hylian is never cold when he comes to the village to visit).

*unpopular opinion; idk if it’s unpopular but it’s more of a fanon attitude I deeply disagree with. I don’t think Revali is nearly as stupid, oblivious or tsundere as everyone makes him out to be. I think he’s emotionally stunted and bratty, but not dumb or completely emotionally unaware at all. I like to think he’s cunning and crafty. It takes intelligence to do what he does. and it drives me absolutely INSANE when he’s boiled down to “I just can’t tell anyone about my feelings ever so I’ll just be mean and go hide over here until someone comes looking for me!!” stupid >:/

*song I associate with him; MAN. I’m gonna be honest, the songs I tend to associate with him are so through the lense of my modern au it’s not even funny (also my music taste is everywhere) so I’ll just throw a few on here.

Pride x New Magic Wand (remix)

Daddy Issues - The Neighborhood

mememe - bbn$, lentra

Smother- Daughter

Entertnmnt - Oklou

[and a few revalink ones because I need to:

Stranger Things- Anberlin

my strange addiction - Billie Eilish

Teeth - 5SoS

Bleary - Paper Route

Noticed - Mutemath ]

(if anyone is interested I do have a revalink/mod!revalink playlist on spotify!)

Favorite picture!

(that little bow flip KILLS ME)

[affluenzafm]

you know you love me.

Meet SAVTAJ 'SAV' BHANDARI, or if you read the Anti Grapevine, NICKNAME UTP. They/She/He is/are a ## year old OCCUPATION UTP, that currently resides in NEIGHBORHOOD UTP.

They/She/He is/are known around the city for their/her/his POSITIVE TRAIT UTP & NEGATIVE TRAIT UTP demeanor, but they may be hiding something… SECRET UTP.

FACE CLAIM UTP, GENDER UTP, PRONOUNS UTP.

As the eldest, Sav has always carried the weight of responsibility on his shoulders, falling squarely into the "oldest sibling syndrome." Doing the right thing, no matter how he feels, has been ingrained in him from a young age — because that’s what was expected. He’s the one who puts everyone else’s feelings first, especially his parents', even when it means sacrificing his own happiness. His parents embraced their traditional Muslim background, while Sav always hoped to find a way to modernize it. That being said, the fear of disappointing his family keeps him in line, but he quietly struggles under the pressure of their unattainable standards. He’s constantly torn between living up to their expectations and figuring out what he truly wants, even though he’s never allowed himself to ask. So he continues to go through the motions, to follow the blueprint thrust into his hands -- Having learned to keep a level head despite the urge to throw everything he knows aside. His form of quiet rebellion comes in the form of being a mask-wearing lead guitarist in the newest band Studz. It serves as Sav's first taste of a life that he dreams of -- Even if no one knows he's the one on stage.

it's all about who you know.

SPINNER MASON, PETER STONE, DANNY VAN ZANDT. secret band mates. Studz, the band known for hiding their identity with bunny masks, is made up of these four. They seemed to be an overnight sensation, taking the New York music scene by storm with their pop up shows and chaotic energy — Even if no one knows who’s in the band. It’s an escape for all four of them, something they can put their creative energy into without fear. 

ALLI BHANDARI. younger sister. For as long as she can remember, it’s always been Sav and Alli against the world. And namely, against the harsh critique of their parents. Their unachievable standards had a certain detriment to each sibling, but Sav always tried to bear the brunt of it for Alli’s sake. Their relationship is built on a mutual understanding — Keep mom and dad in the dark, and life will be easy. While it was a simpler task as teens, it still reigns true for them as adults.

ANYA MACPHERSON. ex-girlfriend. Sav and Anya were the picture-perfect high school sweethearts. However, their relationship took a dark turn during senior year, after a false pregnancy scandal. Their breakup was public and painful, with friends taking sides and their once-perfect relationship unraveling in front of everyone. Now, they barely speak, both haunted by what could have been if things had been different.

this character is open.

*this character is indian, cast accordingly!

[daydreamingnightshade]

I can supposedly relate to an extent here.

Hi, I'm Zuki. I have Filipino parents, but they couldn't teach me Filipino, nor did they speak it to me at a young age.

They spoke English to me at home (and still do), and it has been so ingrained in my mind that I can only speak basic phrases in Filipino without much difficulty. I can't create complex sentences without using a majority of English and only a few Filipino words.

For example:

"Magandang umaga po! How are you today?"

"You do the dishes lugud."

"Ano ba kamo? That's not good baya!"

"Ay naku, this is a mess."

I know a bit more phrases, but they are a mix of Filipino and a dialect we use in our area, and I can't tell the differences between the words. My grammar is also shit in that it is a hellfire, so that's fun.

Because of that, I can confidently say that yes. Not teaching your kids the native language will make them disconnected from their heritage, making them outright hate it. I've experienced it before, how because of my inability to speak Filipino, I hated learning about history because my teacher speaks in Filipino and the book is in Filipino, so I can't make much out of the book and would always have to resort to the translator, which doesn't always have the most accurate translation. I absolutely hated the fact that I couldn't speak nor understand Filipino, and the school I was taught at encouraged English instead of Filipino, because you might end up in a foreign university as an exchange student, where you will impress everyone by your perfect English. (This school was a private school, by the way, so of course we had a much higher chance to be in a university than a public school.) But how about then? How about the possibility of us needing to get a job that required speaking Filipino? How about then?

I can't blame my parents for all of this. They were out of the country when I was younger, all the way in Bahamas, both working as nurses, so they spoke English to me quite often. Heck, one of them is still in Bahamas. But still, I feel salty about not being able to understand other people my age and making me fear about future interactions with people. I am very scared for my future as a Filipino who can only understand English.

So please. Teach your kids the native language. It will do them a favor in the long run, so please.

For the love of god if your native language is different from the majority language of the country you’re living in don’t raise your baby speaking the local language. Either have each parent speak to them in a different language or only speak your native language at home. The kid will be okay. Get your native language in their head. You may think you’re helping them in the long term giving them the local language but no. When they’re an adult they’ll wonder why you never taught them your language. They can and will learn the local language in school. They’ll be okay. Produce more bilingual children. They are good for society.

[faeri-meadow]

Oh how I love you (Philza x reader)

Faeri! Hello! I first would like to ask if I can be 🦆 Anon, and I also have a Philza request if you don't mind

So I was thinking that maybe it's a Philza x GN!Reader where the reader helps take care of the SBI boys as kids and they start referring to Reader as their other parent, mean while Phil's close to exploding because he has been trying to ask you out because he and the kids love you and your just super dense about it all

Everyone’s ages when first found: Techno - 5, Wilbur - 3, Tommy - 4 months, nearly 2 years later - Tubbo - 2

Present day ages: Techno - 9, Wilbur - 7, Tommy - 4, Tubbo - 4

I gave different options for the parental term, one feminine, one masculine, and one that is neutral! I hope you all enjoy!

By now the path that led to the crazy Minecraft house was ingrained in my mind as my visits have become more frequent. I’ve been friends with Philza since we were children, I saw every attempt at flying as well as the first successful flight. I helped him when he was too tired to preen his wings and took care of him when he felt unwell, and he took care of me if I were to feel unwell. We were basically joined at the hip as children, and that didn’t change as we got older. Little mining adventures or trips to who knows where, we would go together. The one time I don’t go with him, however, he found a small piglin hybrid. I found out when I got a frantic message from him to come over ASAP and to bring some clothes. From then on I helped him take care of the little hybrid, who we named Techno. Then one day when I was out with Techno in a village to trade for some materials I got a similar frantic message requesting me to come home. That day I came back to an ‘innocent’ looking Philza and a small human child, “Hey (Y/N), meet Wilbur!” I helped around with making the clothes and watching the kids when Phil had to go away on the trips alone, but I didn’t mind. Both Wilbur and Techno got along well, thankfully, and were always curious as to what I was doing. Doing some farming? Techno is always willing to help collect the potatoes, going fishing? Wilbur loves to see the fish I catch. Reading some stories? Both boys are already sitting on the couch with blankets. Every day was something else with those two, but then Philza came back one day with a bundle in his arms. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Tommy, you’re okay.” A hushed voice woke me up from my light slumber, however Techno and Wilbur were still sleeping soundly on either side of me on the couch. A small cry made me stand up as quickly as possible without disturbing the two, though, as soon as I was gone, they both woke up and followed me to the door. “Philza, is that what I think it is?” He looked at me with a fearful expression, “I-I couldn’t leave him (Y/N), he’s too young, I had to do something!” I shushed the worried man and hugged him, careful of the infant in his arms, “It’s alright Phil, it’s okay, are either of you hurt?” His breathing slowly calmed as he pushed his face in the crook of my neck, shaking his head to indicate ‘no’, “Alright, that’s good, do you need some food? I’m pretty sure we still have some milk so I can try and make a makeshift bottle and go to the village tomorrow, okay? ” I tried to back away and see his expression, but he only followed me, though, as soon as Tommy started crying, he backed away from me, rocking the baby in his arms and shushing him once again. I made quick work on finding something that could work as a bottle and warming the milk, once I was done, I went into the living room where I saw Philza on the couch, Techno and Wilbur on either side of him looking at the baby in his arms. “Here ya go little guy.” I softly gave Tommy the bottle as Wilbur made room for me to sit next to Philza, and then crawled onto my lap. “You okay?” I brushed down Phil’s hair, playing with it slightly to calm him down as he seemed to still be on edge slightly, “Yeah, thank you for being here, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you (Y/N).” He laid his head against mine, showing me how tired he was, “How about you get some sleep, I’ll take care of Tommy okay?” He nodded and started upstairs, Wilbur and Techno following after him, leaving me an the infant on the couch.

~Present day~

That was a few years ago, another addition to the family came in not too long before Tommy’s second birthday, a little goat hybrid named Tubbo. Now I was on my way to the Minecraft house to celebrate Techno’s unofficial adoption day, I had a few gold ingots for him as well as a golden crown and a new book. “Mama/Dada/Baba!” Two voices called out at me at once, Tubbo and Tommy both rushing out the door to greet me, “Tubbo! Tommy! ” They both threw themselves into my arms as I picked them up and spun them around, laughs escaping all of us, “Hey (Y/N)!” Wilbur and Techno stood on the porch of the house, I crouched to put down the two in my arms and motioned for the two on the porch to come over as well. Quite quickly they joined the hug, “Thank’s for coming Mo/Da/Ba- (Y/N).” I ruffled Techno’s hair, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world Tech, how are your tusks doing? Still bothering you? ” He gave me a smile to show the two large teeth, “I’m getting used to them, they don’t hurt as much, but they definitely get in the way sometimes. “ I returned the smile, but my attention was taken by someone pulling on my sleeve, “(Y/N), do you mind helping out Dadza, he won’t let us in the kitchen and seems a little stressed out. ”  I let out a sigh, “I don’t mind at all, could you both watch Tubbo and To-” Suddenly weight was thrown into my arms, “No! I wanna stay with Mama/Dada/Baba! ” Tommy had his arms looped around my neck, refusing to let go, “Okay, big man, you can stay with me, and I promise to read to you all tonight as a thank you, deal?” Everyone nodded their heads as Techno and Wilbur led Tubbo away and I walked inside the house. “Phil? I heard you needed some help? ” I put my gifts down in the living room and walked to the kitchen, Tommy still having a tight grip on my shirt, “Mate? You’re early, I don’t have everything done yet heh, Tommy, what’re you doing, why aren’t you playing with the others? ” Philza was wearing an apron, flour was everywhere and some icing decorating his face, “I wanna stay with Mama/Dada/Baba!” Philza’s eyes widened at this statement, his face going red, “Tommy! We’ve talked about this-” I put my hand up, “It’s alright Phil, I don’t mind!” I wet a paper towel to the best of my ability with one arm being occupied with Tommy and wiped off the icing on Philza’s face, “There ya go! Now, what do you need help with?”

After a lot of joking and complaining from Tommy when I had to ultimately put him down the cake Philza was trying to decorate was finally finished, as well as some dinner. I called the boys in and had all of them wash their hands before sitting them at the table and serving dinner, which consisted of beef and potato stew as well as baked potatoes specifically for Techno. Soon everyone had stuffed bellies as we moved to the living room where some gifts sat, many being hand drawn cards from Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo, “Here, this is from me!” I handed a gift bag to Techno and watched expectantly as he opened it, eyes going wide at the gold. He carefully took out the book and crown and looked at me, “A-are you sure? This is too much, I can’t-” I looked back at Techno with a stern expression, “I am positive, “ I grabbed the crown and placed it on his head, “You are a prince, and now you look the part.” A force suddenly pushed me back onto the ground as Techno hugged me, “Thank you Mom/Dad/Baba, I will cherish it for the rest of my life.” My shirt got a little wet as tears were shed from Techno’s eyes, I pulled back his face and started drying his cheeks as he looked nervous, “I-I’m sorry for calling you that (Y/N), I don’t know what came over me.” I once again held him in my arms, “Call me whatever you want Tech, I don’t mind.”

Once the gifts were all opened Philza asked to speak to me, much to the dismay of the younger ones who were waiting for me to read them a story, “It’ll just take a moment guys, how about you get the couch ready hmm?” This made the older ones scatter to grab blankets and pillows and the younger ones to grab snacks. I stepped out onto the porch and next to Philza who was looking at the stars, “I can’t thank you enough for today (Y/N), for everything really, without you I would be a mess with these kids. “ I placed my hand on his, “You don’t need to thank me Phil, I’m always willing to help you out, no matter what. “ He looked at my hand and turned his so he could intertwine our fingers, “Did, did you mean what you said earlier, about Tommy and Techno? You don’t mind being their other parental figure? ” I squeezed his hand, “I don’t see why I would mind, I mean, if I didn’t truly love these kids, I wouldn’t have stuck around now would I? ” I tried to read his expression, but there were too many emotions clouding his eyes at once, “What- what if I asked if you could stay? With us, with me? ” A gasp escaped as I stared into his eyes, trying to see if he was playing some sort of trick or joke, though his only held pure unconditional love, “I’ve been trying to ask you, though it isn’t easy with four boys hogging all of your attention, but the first time Tommy called you Mama/Dada/Baba, my heart melted and I knew they all wanted you around just as much as I do. You’ve been with me through everything and I want it to stay that way, I want to stay by your side if you’ll have me? “ Tears pooled in my eyes as he spoke, his hand coming up to wipe any that fell as I pushed my head into his hand, “I’d love to stay Phil, of course I’d want you by my side. ” The smile that formed on his face was brighter than anything the world could offer, and the kiss he planted on my lips softer than any silk. Though the moment was cut short when yelling could be heard from inside the house, making us both chuckle as we parted, not before he placed a peck on my forehead though. “Tommy, I already told you that’s my seat, sit somewhere else!” We entered the living room to see Techno trying to pry Tommy off of the couch, blankets and pillows littered all over the place, “Alright, who’s ready for a story?” Four sets of eyes lit up as they all yelled ‘me’. I sat down in the middle of the couch, Phil holding my hand on my left and Techno on my right, Tommy and Tubbo both lying on the ground staring up at me and Wilbur sitting right next to Phil. “Okay, listen up you rascals, this is the story of Hercules. “

[read-write-thrive]

I do not know anything about stranger things volume 4 beyond what I have spoiled for myself on social media and I don’t know shit about DND as a whole but I am in LOVE with the Eddie as Kas theory (I think it’s too smart for the Duffer brothers but alas) and I’m just wondering; are we still going with Vecna traps Eddie’s consciousness in his sword, which then eventually leads to Eddie killing Vecna? Bc personally I think it would be more interesting if other characters were involved in the telepathic sword that turns the tide

Specifically, we know that Vecna has Max’s consciousness, hence the fear that she’ll ever wake up, so I think she’s the obvious choice to be the player to turn the tide. Originally I was wondering is it should be Will, because I also love the idea of a Will villain arc in s5 and I think they’re building to something like it with all the Vecna/Will parallels (plus we know Will has some ingrained connection with the Upside Down at this point, but I don’t think it’s been explained well). But maybe instead we see a parallel of Eddie/Will as Eddie’s literally lost his way and Will is losing his all due to Vecna at the same time. Then I think it would make an interesting parallel to have Max/Eleven be their guides back on the right path; Max’s fury against Vecna fuelling the shell that is Eddie versus (inverting how emotionally driven these characters have been previously) while Eleven and Will are forced to confront their emotional sides (particularly regarding Mike and his treatment of each of them, but also their sibling dynamic and their parents and coming back to Hawkins and all of that) and end up leaning on each other, even as Will is pulled towards Vecna-like darkness (and Eleven is still trying to figure literally everything in her life out, so I think it would be fascinating character growth for her to become a moral compass considering she’s literally killed people).

Not to mention, when the big final battle happens, now you have teams on both sides where there’s a leading team against Vecna on both fronts, including Eddie & Max stabbing in the back while Will and Jane/Eleven (I have no idea what she is being called in canon at this point so apologies) being the main offensive coming from the right side up, of course also while backed by their army of allies. This way, it’s pretty much (if not definitely) the first time we see our entire cast of characters banding together in one United goal, rather than being spread across multiple plot lines around the world. I also think this would crack the coming of age code of “you have to let me be me” as now that Hopper and Joyce are fully back in the picture, I can definitely see them being more protective of Will and Eleven especially, so those family/character dynamics would be interesting to see play out over the season. I also feel this allows the kids as a whole to take a more prominent role in the ending, which parallels well with how integral they were in season 1 (not that they weren’t in later seasons, but I think the teens/well now young adults often overshadowed them).

Anyways, these were just some thoughts of mine regarding a show I still haven’t watched but continue to follow online anyway. Apologies if this has already been talked about and I missed it, but I’d be interested to see if these ramblings inspire anyone who actually knows what they’re talking about when it comes to Stranger Things (and if so please tag me!!)

[bakujho]

Another rant about some Shady Eels

So, back again to talk about the shady eels though this time focusing on how with the information we’ve been given we can pretty well confirm the Leech family are mafia. We’ve gotten a few solid gems of information the last little while, pretty well confirming what we always figured. Octavinelle has got that mafia theme, so everyone expected some shadiness, but the info we’ve been fed about the Leech parents really brings home that it’s not just the dorm theme, and that the twins and Azul aren’t just “cosplaying as mafia baddies for aesthetic”. 

So what exactly do we KNOW? 

The twins were taught self defense by their parents from a young age. (Jade voice lines)

When they were children their parents ‘associates’ would buy them luxury or rare  birthday gifts...then were made to sign waivers saying that the gift had no ulterior motives and wouldn’t constitute a favour in return.  (Jade birthday)

Their father has told them that appearances on land are important, and to pay close attention to the little details. (When Idia asks for further clarification, he cuts Floyd off before he goes further saying that any further and he feels like he’d be “ensnared by darkness”) (Floyd dance and wishes wish)

There were many parties back in the Leech household, but they were more formal in nature. (floyd birthday)

Eels have a “tough guy” image in the sea, and them being carnivores doesn’t help. (floyd birthday)

Mama leech worries about her babies and contacts them often (jade birthday)

That they have a family run business, that has contacts with a LOT of kinds of different people. Jade tells us it’s VERY normal. (jade birthday)

Leech parents have spoiled their kids before, so they’re likely fairly well off. (floyd birthday)

Floyd seems to have a bit of a sore spot regarding humans (floyd robes) 

So obviously, without 100% confirmation, it’s impossible to say MAFIA LEECH ARE CANON, but with everything we’ve been given I’m pretty confident in saying it’s damn likely. That’s not even the fun part, cause it’s so surface level obvious considering Octavinelles theme, I decided to jump into it more. @chillableu​ had posted a comment in a shared discord that really got my brain whirring about WHY the mafia fam is maybe a bigger thing than just aesthetic, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Headcanon accepted, chilla. I thank you. (I took out your name in case you didn’t want anyone on discord to find you by it)

  I’ll put the rest of this under a cut since it’s really just me theorizing and head canoning a whole ton of shit about the Leech fam based on humans treating fish as lesser beings incapable of the same level of emotions and intelligence as themselves, adding in bits from other media that has mermaids, mythology, and a touch of the history of the mafia.

Not even really sure where to start with this, but here we go. So, What if the Leech fam (be it great grandpa/grandma leech or current Leeches) started the mafia as a way to protect themselves due to the mistreatment of merfolk that were more “monster” like than the regular human kind mermaids we’ve only seen up until now. Its reported that the original Sicilian mafia started as a way for certain families that were facing persecution from the rest of the towns that eventually spiraled into the crime syndicates we all know from various media today. Outside of the twins and Azul, all the other merfolk that have been shown in game have been the “fully human on top, fish bottom” type, and with Azul being bullied because we was a rare 8 legged mermaid, and the magicamonsters from the Halloween event seeing merfloyd and remarking how RARE it was to see one, so I’m thinking that maybe the Leech fam started as a way to protect themselves, since if carnivorous merfolk are seen as more brutish, they may have seen a lot of discrimination from other merfolk and humans alike. 

It’s no secret that Toboso has been covering a lot of heavy topics dressed up in Disney clothes, and has already addressed discrimination and fetishization with the scarabia, savanaclaw, and more recently Diasomnia boys (well, mostly Malleus in the halloween event being treated like an object). So what I’m thinking is that there’s an underlying problem in the twstverse, where non-humans are treated badly, and non-humans with monster features even more so. So the leech fam bands together with whatever other monster like merfolk families there are and create their own little area in the coral sea, and eventually expand out into other types of business until they’re in a comfortable enough position to not really worry about any backlash anymore. Floyd has shown some distaste before about being ordered around by humans, which could be an ingrained quality from his parents, or he himself may have experienced some form of mistreatment at the hands of humans before. If the leech fam has a lot of ‘associates’ I think it’s safe to say that they weren’t the only ones feeling abandoned by the normal merfolk and humans .

In Japanese folklore there are creatures called Ningyo (basically human fish), which were both feared as creatures that would bring calamity and misfortune, and prized as their flesh was supposed to be sweet tasting and grant near immortality if eaten. Mermaids in a lot of more modern media are also more nuanced than the “beautiful fish that sailors fall in love with”. Even in One Piece, there’s the mermaids that are captured and sold off to the rich as prize objects to collect and display, and the Fishmen, which are the strong brutes that are ostracised by nearly everyone in series for them simply being fish. If Toboso wanted to touch on the mythology in TWST it would make sense that the more monster-like mermaids have created their own sub-society separate from the regular merfolk. During the Halloween event, the children seem to be pretty scared by Floyd because he’s huge, so what if that’s nothing new for him and why he’s so good with kids? Cause as a mermaid they’re used to people being openly scared of them without any good reason outside of their appearance. I also suspect that Floyd and Jade have a few more siblings, since in one of Floyds home screen lines he says that he’s not the youngest nor the oldest, and tbh, eels lay thousands of eggs, so it wouldn’t be surprising that he knew how to deal with the kid without any struggle. 

What if, when the eels are first hatched they’re a lot smaller than they were and like in the original article that started all of this, humans were needlessly cruel to them and many of them died out of sheer neglect, or that humans just didn’t think merfolk as capable as having acute emotions and saw them as lowly fish rather than sentient beings. We saw with the Magicamonsters that there’s a complete disregard for the feelings of Malleus when they made it a challenge to touch his horns and get a picture, so I imagine that has to extend to merfolk as well when they’re actually seen. That same mindset could have extended to the regular mermaids as well, which is why mermaids like Azul were so tormented for being different, even though they’re all fucking mermaids at the end of the day. So bringing this back to the Leech fam, they decided that they weren’t going to stand for the same level of discrimination from humans and other merfolk alike and began building their own empire. They have contacts in the sea that extend to those on land (otherwise how would the twins get the rare land items for their birthdays), and have an extensive network of associates, with the added bonus of brilliant mermaid twins, one of which is incredibly cunning, the other quick to violence and both of them raised to defend themselves should the need arise. 

So basically, I’m fully on the “Mafia Leech Fam is canon for real” train and at this point it’s going to be very hard to change my mind. I feel like there were a few more things I wanted to touch on with this but they’ve poofed themselves into the depths of my mind somewhere, so I may have to come back to them later. If you have anything to add, please let me know cause brain rotting about the Leech fam is honestly one of my favourite past times right now.

[betelgeuse-1988]

pale blue eyes: obi-wan/reader

hey so i fell in love with ewan mcgregor recently and proceeded to watch all of the prequels and started the clone wars. how dangerous! probably more obi-wan content in the near future. sorry if this isn't canon compliant...i don't know enough about star wars and i'm so sorry!! give me tips if you have any

obi-wan is also probably totally ooc and i’ve definitely disregarded the jedi code (bc screw the code!) but...i don’t care...obi-wan is too beautiful for that lmao. if anyone can handle a little temptation from the darkside and still be a good jedi, it’s obi

tags: smut, fluff, light angst, hurt/comfort, grief/mourning (mention of death), master/padawan dynamic (sorta), possessive sex/behavior, rough sex, marking (hickies), smoking, implied age difference, porn with feelings (and maybe plot), dirty talk

There was something oh so terrifying about being a Padawan. Of course, it was all you had ever known, but realizing that there would be a day when no one would be there to hold your hand as you traversed the daily experiences of being a Jedi was overwhelmingly terrifying. But, what was even more terrifying was the thought alone of losing your Master.

Actually losing her before you’d finished your training could only be described as unquantifiable.

Obi-Wan broke the news to you soon after reporting to the council after the mission on some outer-rim planet went wrong and led to several Jedi being killed. He spared you the details as you broke down in front of him, apologizing immediately for letting your emotions get the best of you. You tried your best to keep everything in, especially in front of one of the best Jedi Masters. Obi-Wan looked down the hallway before slowly walking you back into your quarters. He sat you down on your small bed, taking a seat next to you.

“I know how you feel right now, as I too lost my Master. But, you must remember your Master has returned to the Force. She has become something better and will always be with you. It will be difficult, but as time passes the intensity of your emotions will fade.”

You looked up into his blue eyes, the truth behind them reinforcing what you sensed in the Force. His statements were genuine, facts that had been seen in countless other Jedi who had experienced what you did; but, his eyes (and the Force) held a sadness that seemed as if it was too big and too fragile to even consider touching. Having heard some pieces of what had happened to Master Kenobi and his Padawan, it seemed as if he never had enough time to grieve. He never had time to consider what loss meant and how to deal with it. The words he spoke seemed to be monotonous, as if they were a mantra he thought to himself often. An attempt to rid himself of emotions that council members told him that he would be drawn to the darkside because of them.

“And yet,” you said, pausing to control your breathing, a few tears escaping your eyes now and then. “Those emotions will never go away, huh?”

Obi-Wan broke your gaze, sighing and rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m...I’m sorry, I’m not helping, am I?” He let out a sad chuckle before looking back at you. “It’s just...I know too well how you feel. And yet, I cannot bring myself to tell you that you must rid yourself of these emotions because they will lead you astray. I so wish that one person would have allowed me to feel, just for one moment.”

You take his hand into yours, unable to bring yourself to look him in the eyes. “You’ve helped me more than you know, Master Kenobi. And I only hope that you are able to take your own advice, too.”

“I will try, young one.”

After this moment, you found yourself drawn to Obi-Wan in the late hours of the night. Master Windu took over the last few weeks of your training before your trials. When you were not training or sleeping and Obi-Wan was not training his Padawan, you were together. This often caused you both to spend late nights in one of your quarters (most often his, as they were bigger). At first there was nothing sexual or even romantic about these meetings. They allowed you both to explore your grief and help each other control emotions most Jedi would consider distracting or unwanted. It was nice to feel safe in your emotions.

At least, until your emotions became romantic feelings for Obi-Wan.

This realization hit you like a podracer a few weeks after you became a Jedi. You had been given a mission to protect a queen from an outer-rim planet visiting Naboo for a week. The distance alone is not what caused you to realize these feelings. Obi-Wan and his Padawan had been sent on small missions in the past few weeks, causing you to go days without seeing him. Sure, you missed him, but training for your trials could fill the void he left. But, now, being away and nearly bored out of your mind in your down time was horrible. You felt a constant sense of longing and desire that you could only trace back to Master Kenobi. Your thoughts would drift back to late nights you spent with the sweet man who could comfort you with only a smile. Thoughts of running your hands through his auburn hair as you begged him to keep growing it out, especially with the beard. Watching his eyes flutter closed as you gave him a massage through his undershirt. He lets out little groans and moans, telling you to push harder in certain spots. Holding his large, calloused hand in yours as you cuddle close together on his bed. It wasn’t until the final day of your assignment that these thoughts turned sexual.

You laid in bed, too excited over going back to Coruscant and having a few days off. A half-dreaming vision formed in your mind of Obi-Wan laying in his bed. The image became clearer and you realized that his sleeping pants were pushed down slightly, his hand grasping his cock tightly. A moan slipped past his lips, the words he choked out indecipherable as he thrusted harshly into his fist. You attempt to will away this vision but it’s stuck--almost engraved--in your mind, drifting in and out like a boat rocking back and forth on waves. His thrusts seemed desperate, as if he had been attempting to reach his climax long before you created this vision. He moans again, this time it is clearer and louder than before: your name. It slips past his lips smoothly as he finally tenses slightly, forcing his hips upwards. Cum shot out of his cock as his thrusts stuttered to a stop and his hand took over. Some particularly thick shots hit his lower stomach, covering the hair above his cock. The rest flooded slowly over the tip and down onto his hand. He groaned all through his climax, panting once he had finished completely. Your mind often drifted back to these images as you fell in and out of sleep throughout the night.

Getting back to Coruscant was a welcome return home. After your report to the council, you saw Obi-Wan and Anakin waiting for you outside of the chambers. You found it difficult, at first, to hold Obi-Wan’s gaze as he greeted you.

“Hello, Master Kenobi. What are you doing here?”

“I heard you got back. If you’d like, Anakin and I would like to take you to Dex’s,” he says simply, a wide smile on his face. Anakin gave you a toothy grin, excited to gorge himself on greasy diner food.”How was your mission, young one?”

You smiled widely, slightly forgetting about the waking-dream that had been plaguing your mind. “Sounds like a great idea. I can tell you all about my mission over dinner, then, I suppose?” Obi-Wan nodded in response, a smile (albeit smaller) on his face mirroring yours and Anakin’s.

After dinner at Dex’s, Obi-Wan dismissed Anakin to his chambers (though, Obi would confide in you that he knew for a fact his was talking to his fellow Padawans late into the night, to which you would chastise him for doing the same thing with you) and invited you to his own to meditate. The walk there was quiet, yet comfortable. But, as you reached his quarters, you saw the bed that was ingrained into your visions from the night before. The panic and embarrassment ran through you, piling heavy in your stomach and causing you to stop in your tracks at his doorway. Obi-Wan took off his boots quickly and made his way to the large window at the opposite side of the room.

“You can come all the way in, y’know?” Obi-Wan said once he realized you had not followed, his tone light and playful. He was teasing you, like he always did, always a flirt. And yet, tonight, it made you nervous. You took slow steps towards him after taking your boots off by the door, meeting him at the window he liked to meditate at. “Are you okay? No witty comeback for your favorite Jedi?” He moved to cup your face but you turned away, noticing it was the hand he had so elegantly wrapped around his cock in your vision.

You looked back at him and shook your head, your eyes becoming watery out of embarrassment and fear. You knew you needed to talk to him before this got any worse. “C-can I talk to you about something?” He nodded, his face becoming serious, and sat down on the plush cushions he used to begin meditating. He patted on one next to him and you sat after taking off your cloak. You two sat almost too close, knees touching. You could almost smell him and could almost feel the calming warmth radiating off of him. “I...During my missions I was plagued by visions, Master Kenobi.”

He frowned slightly at what you said, worried about the potential dangers of visions Jedi see. “You do not need to use my title in my quarters, young one,” he said, calmly, so as not to scare you or make you feel he was reprimanding you. “But you can tell me anything. What were in these visions, young one?”

You sighed, attempting to muster the strength in admitting what you saw. Obi-Wan could sense your struggle and reached out to touch your knee gently. You placed your hand over his and squeezed gently, closing your eyes to center yourself. The minute you opened your mouth, the word-vomit flowed fast. “They were of you. They began as nice and comforting. Domestic moments. Like holding your hand or cuddling. I could see myself doing that with any friend. But...last night, it was sexual. I, uhm, watched you...pleasure yourself. Y-you moaned my name. Maker, I feel like I’ve used you, I am so sorry, Master Kenobi.”

“This happened last night?” he asked, blushing slightly under your curious gaze. You nodded slowly, unsure of where he was going with this. “Then I don’t think you were making these visions up, darling.”

Your jaw dropped, with Obi-Wan only smirking back at you. “W-what do you mean?”

“I think you saw me, somehow. I saw some of those visions you described earlier in the week, too. Perhaps we are connected, young one.” He looked at you processing what he just said and smiled. “I like you, a lot. I admire your work as a Jedi and I am so proud to see how much you have grown since I first talked to you that night your master died.” He moved the hand that was resting in his lap to cup your cheek. “I believe I have fallen for you. I am sorry that you had to see me in such an inappropriate state, however. I would understand if you didn’t want to be with me.”

“No! I mean, I do. I want to be with you. I never imagined that you would ever want to be with someone like me.” You smiled brightly, giddy about this change in your relationship with Obi-Wan. “And, if I may say, you looked quite beautiful last night. I am honored that you thought of me just as I have thought of you. Although, you have a much different imagination than I do.” The man in front of you blushed and chuckled brightly, almost proud of what he had done.

The hand on your knee tentatively moved further up your thigh. “Perhaps I can spark your imagination?”

You shifted to be on your knees, placing your hands on his thighs. You leaned close to him, almost brushing your lips against his. You were able to feel the tickle of his beard on your face as you whispered out, “Perhaps I can fulfill yours?” You pressed your lips against his as he shoves his hands through your hair, tugging on it slightly. Even as he moaned, you tasted the strawberry milkshake you shared with him at Dex’s. But, as you kissed him deeper, tongues exploring each other’s mouths, you tasted tabac, causing your mind to wander. You never thought of Obi-Wan indulging in the toxic substance, but you can’t bring yourself to be surprised. Images of Obi-Wan shirtless, just-fucked and sweaty, his hair a mess, flooded your mind. A cigarra hung from his mouth, barely hanging on to it as he took puffs from it.

A nasty habit Obi’s voice rings through your mind, almost embarrassed, I can’t seem to kick it, young one. I hope you aren’t angry.

You pulled away and cupped his face. Not wanting to ruin the tender moment of vulnerability, you kissed him lightly and projected your thoughts to him, I could not be mad at you. I find it shamefully attractive, but if you are ready to quit, I know you can.

He smiled into the kiss as you pulled away to begin stripping. “Allow me to help you,” he said, moving to push your robes off your shoulders as you took off the belt around your waist. You shrugged the robes off of you completely and threw them to the side, followed by your undershirt. Obi-Wan moved to help you take your pants off, but you stopped him.

“Allow me to help you, Master Kenobi?” he blushed and leaned back, copying your actions by starting with his belt. You help to shrug off his outer robes followed by his undershirt. You admire his chest, speckled with freckles. You pushed him down lightly, his back hitting his carpeted floor lightly. “You are truly beautiful, Master.” You kissed his chest lightly, kneeling at his side and helping him to shove his pants and undergarments off. Even though you had seen his member the night before, it was different in person and being able to see it uncovered by his hand. Semi-hard, all you could think was that it would look even more beautiful in the moonlight and neon lights streaming from the window. You flicked your hand, flipping the light switch by the door.

“I was going to ask if you liked what you saw, young one, but it seems I was wrong,” Obi-Wan hummed.

You smirked, taking his cock in your hands. “Oh, I do, but I am one for aesthetics and I would prefer to be fucked under the moonlight.” You jerk him off slightly, getting him hard. As your movements become a tad more difficult, you hold your hand up to the man’s mouth. “Spit, please.” He looked at you with a raised brow but spits. You rubbed it up and down his cock, making your movements much smoother. You squeezed lightly around his cock and he began to thrust lightly under your touch. You moved to lean down and use your mouth on his cock, but Obi-Wan stopped you.

“Let me get you ready so I can fuck you under the moonlight, just like you want, my young one.”

He moved you down to lay on the floor, pushing one of his cushions underneath your head. After helping you out of your remaining clothes, he shoved the other pillow under your hips, angling them upwards. He then kissed down your chest, as if attempting to kiss away the moonlight with how fervently he pressed his lips to your skin. Yet, as you pushed his hair back to get a clear view of his serene face, you thought he may be trying to pin down the moonlight to your skin. The way his gaze locked with yours showed how intensely he cared about this moment. His kisses acted as an attempt to encapsulate you in the light, an attempt to preserve this moment forever. You were not just another nightly escapade (not that either of you had many of those, both unknowingly too caught up in being smitten by the other). Rather, in this moment, Obi-Wan was declaring he was going to make love to you with each and every kiss pressed to your skin. The final kiss he pressed to your skin was your clit. Once this was finished, he began fingering you, stretching you with two fingers immediately and suckling on your clit. You gasped and moaned under his touch, fingers diving into his hair.

I want to make you mine, young one. After we began talking I wished I had fought with the council more to train you instead for the remainder of your time as a Padawan. Perhaps we could have been here sooner.

“Master Kenobi,” you moaned aloud. Not being able to form words verbally, you responded with the Force. How I began to wish the same. I suppose, then, I was always yours?

He pulled off of you, but added a third finger to his thrusts, smiling up at you brightly. “Yes. And I suppose I was always yours, then, too?”

“Yes,” you moaned out, high pitched, almost squeaking. You hummed and tried again, regardless of if Obi heard you the first time, “Yes, Master, you’re mine.” Obi-Wan’s smile somehow grew, but he quickly went back to working on you with his mouth. However, this time, he leaned more on his arm that he’s using to finger you. That way, his other hand was free to jerk himself off. You only noticed when he moaned against your clit lightly. “Master Kenobi, are you--”

Yes, he sent you, almost strained as if he was speaking, I think I could cum just by eating you out, I wouldn’t even need to touch myself.

“I wouldn’t want that,” you said, pushing his head lightly, “so why don’t you fuck me instead?”

He pulled his head up and smiled, “Anything for you, my darling.” He stood up, pulling you to join him, and guided you toward the bed, stopping by his drawers to grab a condom. Laying down on the bed, you watched him roll the condom over his cock and climb onto the bed with you. He kneeled between your legs, pulling up your leg to rest it on his hip. He used his other hand to grip your hip and pulled you towards him. You gasped, both at the sudden movement and his member pushing into your pussy slowly. “Such a good girl, taking me so perfectly. You can take me all, right, my young one?” You nodded your head fiercely, unable to form a coherent thought as he continued to thrust in and out of you, each thrust going deeper than the last.

Once he settled into you completely, your hands fisted his bedsheets roughly. “So full, you fill me up so nice, Master Kenobi.” You shifted your hips against him, attempting to get him to thrust into you. His grip on your hip dissipated as he moved to push down on them. You moved your hand over his, pushing down on it lightly while also gripping his hand.

“Is there something you need from your Master, young Jedi?” Your grip on his hand tightened as you nodded. “What do you need? You can use your words.” You blushed as you attempted to quantify what you wanted him to do. You attempted to shift your hips as the position became uncomfortable from being held for so long without moving. “Please, princess. I want to give you what you want, but I will not move until you tell me.”

“I want you...I…” you trailed off, becoming embarrassed for what you were trying to ask. You threw your head to the side and thought to him, I want you to mark me. I don’t care if it hurts. I want to know, as long as the bruises last, that I am yours. I want to hold on to this moment.

“Is that all, young one?” You nodded in response, trying not to embarrass yourself more than you felt you had. “There is nothing to be embarrassed over, sweet girl. I want to please you, and the only way I can do that is if I know what you want. Never be embarrassed when asking for what you want.”

You smiled as his hand moved back to your hip, his grip stronger than before. Timidly, you add on, “Can you also move, Obi-Wan? I...I need it.” He silently responded by squeezing your hip and thrusting into you. He quickly picked up speed, however, thrusting into you desperately. Obi-Wan shifts, dropping the leg he held at his hip to be able to lean over you. Moaning at the new angle, you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping him close. Your fingers delved into his hair, tugging at it as he thrust into you just right. Obi-Wan moaned at that, flicking his hips faster in response.

“Where do you want me to mark you, hm? Maybe a place above your robes so all the other Jedi Masters will see and know you’re mine?” You tensed slightly under him, even as your pussy clenched. “No, darling? I didn’t mean to worry you. I will make sure no one can see.” Obi-Was pressed light kisses to your collarbone, as he had before, but quickly began to suck on your collarbone and lined it with love bites.

Too overwhelmed with the pleasure, you think to Obi-Wan, Perhaps another time, you can make them more visible. Let everyone know I am yours and yours alone.

He only hummed in response as he busied himself with bruising your skin. You shoved a hand between the two of you, rubbing your clit in small circles.

Am I not good enough for you, young one?

You stopped your movements and began to stammer out an excuse.

I am only teasing, darling. I want you to cum on my cock. And, you’re making it much easier for me to achieve that goal.

You both continued like this, attempting to reach your climaxes by pulling on Obi’s hair, him suckling on your skin to leave marks, and you circling your clit. Eventually, your legs tensed and you lifted your hips up towards him. You gasped, the inner walls of your pussy fluttering around his cock. “Obi-Wan, I’m cumming,” you exclaimed, moaning even more as you flung your head back against the pillows.

“Let go, love. Cum for me, show me you’re mine.”

Your hips stuttered against his, legs tensing and shaking on either side of the Jedi Master. He pulled up and off of you, shifting back onto his knees. He thrust through your orgasm, attempting to reach his own. He moved his hands again to grip your hips tightly, bringing you against him roughly. Obi-Wan moaned as he thrust into you as fast as he could, wanting to cum so badly. “Cum for me, Master. I can sense how desperate you are, n’ I wanna know I made you cum. You came inside your young Jedi’s cunt, all for her. Only for her.” His hips began to stutter irregularly against you as he came, moaning your name just as he did the night before. Obi-Wan eventually stalled against you, collapsing slightly. “After that show, you can put your full weight on me. You deserve it, and I don’t want you to pull out just yet,” You said, rubbing his head gently..

“I always had a feeling you’d be insatiable,” Obi-Wan chuckled. He leaned his full weight on top of you. It was surprisingly comforting, especially after his rough grip and bruising kisses. He snuggled into your neck, pressing sloppy kisses against it, as your hands settled at his waist. “I can only hope to completely satiate you, one day, I suppose.”

“You did perfectly fine, Obi-Wan. For now.” He finally pulled off of you, forcing you to come to his refresher with him to clean up. When you finally laid back down in his bed, both of you naked and comfortable in each other’s arms, you were too tired to do anything more than hum in content. Just as you were trailing off to sleep, a warm thought entered your brain.

I love you, young one. Never forget that.

You responded quickly, though you assumed the sleepiness that would have been present in your voice was also present in your thoughts.

I love you, too, Obi.

[wastelandcth]

Coney Island - cth

summary: Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

author’s notes: this was...wow. i hope you all enjoy shoutout to @in-superbloom and @hoodhoran for letting me give them sneak peeks to hype myself up over it! 

warnings: mentions of a car accident, mentions of a hospital, angst, sorry there’s a cliffhanger. 

masterlist || request || more songs for calum

You’d always been told that finding your passion at a young age was a blessing. That finding the one thing you wanted to do for the rest of your life and running with it was a blessing in disguise. You’d never understood why everyone would say that to you, you loved making art and there had never been a downside to creating art. There had never been a point in your life where your job had become a stressor and where you’d regretted ever wanting to chase the thrill of canvas and paint. Every day you’d wake up and have the time and space to create scenery you’d seen in dreams or in real life, little pockets in time you could freeze on canvas for the world to see. It’d been a rough start, selling your work for whatever amount you were offered until you had your break and found yourself in a museum overseas staring at the large painting hanging on the wall of some museum you’d dreamed about. You’d been standing there in the empty halls, breathing in the quiet of the hall, the occasional footsteps bringing you back into the moments before a shadow next to you brought your attention away from your splatter of colors and lines to the person who stood next to you. And that’s how you first met Calum, in the silence of an art museum where his eyes studied your work as if he’d been trying to find all the secrets you’d hidden in the paint. It was where you’d told him about the painting, where you’d both found one another in more ways than one. 

That’s when you finally understood the blessing in disguise. 

Coney Island had always been a warm and distant memory to you, the boardwalk lined with thrills on either side, waiting to be explored. You remembered cotton candy dreams and spending days in the sun with your friends. Coney Island has been love and laughter, sunshine and summer days, and a place where the pit in your stomach was gone. It had been all you could think about when summer was mentioned, an inspiration to the painting you’d whispered to Calum about. The colorful swirls of paint and oils that gave you your first real break in the art world had all come from the place where boardwalks and rides had brought you nothing but happiness. 

But now, the boardwalk was silent and you felt like a ghost walking through it. 

The ocean was inviting, a teasing view from wherever you stood, tempting you to step into the sand and sink into its secrets. The boardwalk echoed with every step you took, bouncing the noise up into the sky where it returned as a sharp crack of thunder. The empty bench you’d found was hard and cold, leaving your bones aching with a chill you weren’t sure would ever go away. The wind thumping against your ears as you took in the cold ocean air into your lungs, letting the salty breeze burn them and leave you gasping for air. Your eyes searched the water, a muted gray and blue that seemed to stretch on for as far as your eyes could see, swirling with white foam from the waves that crashed onto the sand every so often. 

The lights from the amusement park flickered against the shore, strobing in and out of view which left you shaking and with teary eyes. The waves filled your head with the screeching of tires and breaking glass. The swirling of the ocean putting the same fear in the pit of your stomach as when you’d heard Calum’s scream. The scream that had been cut off as the call went dead. 

“I know I promised I’d be able to make it to dinner…” you mumbled hesitantly, frowning as you heard Calum’s sigh, “But I-”

“Let me guess, you have a very important gallery show and it just happened to slip your mind again so you’ll have to skip dinner with the band?” Calum mumbled, the annoyance in his voice obvious, “Yeah, I’ve heard it before. It’s fine, you’ll still make it to the show, right?”

“Well…” you sighed and ran a hand through your hair as the busy streets of Brooklyn surrounded you, “I’m really sorry, Cal.”

“Are you serious?” he scoffed, “We’ve had this planned for weeks now! You can’t just-”

“Calum? Calum?! Honey?”

The hospital had become a maze, turns, and twists that only led your farther and farther from your destination. With every squeak of your shoes against the vinyl floor, you felt yourself drifting farther away from him, from the man who’d you’d been putting second to your job and the one you didn’t know you’d be able to see again. Your adrenaline had been on high since the moment the emergency worker had answered the tenth call you’d made to Calum’s phone, telling you the what, when, and where had happened to Calum. You’d raced through the busy sidewalks, trying to find the hospital where Calum’s unconscious self was being sent to. But even as you walked through the barren halls, hands shaking and dried tears on your cheeks, you couldn’t help but blame yourself for it all. What if he never woke up and the last words you’d shared between one another was a fight? What if he never knew that you loved him more than anything in the world? What if all the nights away from him could’ve been switched for time spent together? 

“Darling?” one of the nurses said softly, breaking you out of the hurricane of thoughts, “Hey, take deep breaths, how can I help you? Are you hurt?”

“Where’s….they said he’d be here but I don’t..” 

“Who are you looking for, honey?”

“Where did my baby go?”

You’d been ready to answer, to tell them that you needed to see Calum and hold his hand. To make sure he was okay and that he’d be able to make it to his show that night, to be happy on stage. But that was all thrown out the door when the doors opened, bringing a gust of cold and rainy wind into the room as well as the man you’d talked to on the phone only minutes before. Your breath caught in your throat, your body going stiff as you watched them wheel him into the building and then away from you. He was bloody and bruised, his eyes shut in a way that seemed too peaceful for the situation he was in. His hair was flat against his head, the usual curls that had roamed freely on his head now matted with blood, and you couldn’t help but rush out of the building. The walls had started to close in, trapping you in as you watched Calum disappear behind a crowd of nurses and doctors, and you finally took a breath of air as the door shut behind you and the hospital was behind you.

The waves were louder now, crashing against the shore with a force so strong they shook the boardwalk beneath your feet. You hadn’t realized how far you’d walked, not until the familiar lights of the boardwalk shone beneath the fog that had come with the rain, how far you’d walked away from him again. It wasn’t like he’d want you there anyways, the annoyance in his voice had been a clue if you’d ever seen one. You had just pushed him aside again in order to go to another gallery you knew deep down you could afford to miss. It had been like that for weeks now, you both danced around the fact that you hadn’t been in the same city for months on end. Daily phone calls or text messages were replaced with a silence neither of you enjoyed and airplane trips became lonely. You’d been off traveling the globe as your newest works were displayed all across and Calum had been off promoting the band’s latest album. It hadn’t been the first time both of your jobs had overlapped schedules and being away from one another for this long had happened, but the silence was new. 

Which is why the fact that you were both finally in the same city was so important for Calum, and for you. But the idea of finally seeing him had caused the pit of anxiety to form and you found yourself looking for excuses to push him away. And now your last memories of him would be seeing his bruised body being wheeled away from you, the way his voice had cut off with a squeal of tires, and the sound of glass breaking. All because you’d put a distance between the both of you because you felt that intense feeling that you could no longer ignore. It had first started that night when his back became a canvas for your art, and his soft gasps whenever the cold paint hit his skin had ingrained themselves in your brain. The gasps and giggles mixed in with the smell of paint and you felt yourself falling more and more in love with Calum, seeing yourself old and gray with him. It had been terrifying and the shapes you’d made with paint had become nothing but a blur of colors. 

“I love you,” he mumbled against his arm, watching as you’d started packing up the paints and brushes you’d just used on his skin, “You know that?”

“Mhm, and lucky for you,” you teased, pushing down the pit of fear into the back of your mind, “I am deeply in love with you.” 

That’s what loving Calum had always been, a blur of beautiful colors. 

The air had begun to pick up now, swirling and swinging around the sky as the storm grew closer and closer. Not that it mattered much, your face was already soaked with tears and stained by the black mascara that had been running down ever since you’d walked out of the hospital. You wished he’d be by your side, hugging you and telling you it would all be okay. If you closed your eyes and focused hard enough you could hear his voice, modulated over the speaker of your phone as he told you about his day. He’d been trying to distract you again, the frustration of your newest piece not looking how you’d imagined bringing you close to tears. 

“I’ll see you soon, yeah? And then you can paint all over my body so you can find inspiration. I promise.” he chuckled quietly, probably laying in a dark room across an ocean. 

“I miss you,” you sighed, watching the sunrise out your window and rubbing at your tired eyes. 

“I love you,” he whispered, a smile in his voice, as if those were the only three words you needed to hear. Maybe they were, maybe those were the three little words you would remember before the crash pulled him away from you. 

Time seemed to tick by slowly, almost torturing you, as your eyes drifted from the ocean storm ahead to the screen of your phone. You knew it was coming, the call that would change your life forever. The one that would leave you broken and shattered on the beach like the shells that had crunched under your feet. Soon enough, the buzz of your phone would bring the time with Calum to an end. Soon, it would just be you, the ocean breeze, and the memory of Calum. The crack of thunder shook the world around you, almost making you miss the sharp shrill that came from your phone, the screen lighting up with a picture of Calum you’d taken a few months back. Your lungs froze, hands shaking as your thumb slid over the screen and accepted the call, bracing yourself for the inevitable. 

“H-hello?” you asked, mentally preparing for the tears that would fill the ocean with salty tears. 

“I think I-I forgot to say your name and they wouldn’t let me in no matter how many times I asked,” you stuttered out, your feet carrying you back towards the sidewalk, towards Calum, “I love you so much I’m so sorry I’ve been so far away.” 

That’s what you would’ve said to Calum, if you’d only had more time and if you had said no to more events. You would’ve spilled your heart out to him, telling him all the secret words you had only whispered in the darkness of the room when you were sure Calum was asleep and his soft snores confirmed he’d never hear them. And even then, as the static of the ocean makes it hard for you to hear the call connect, the waves crashing onto the shore as the wind picks up doesn’t matter. Nothing matters then because the sharp inhale of air brings them to a dangerous silence, a silence that hurts your ears as the ocean, the waves, thunder, and air all come to an end with a soft whisper. 

“Baby?” Calum’s voice spoke out, the softness of it laced with a pain you wished you could take away. But it was Calum’s voice and that itself felt like a lightning bolt to the chest, a breath of fresh air, and a cold wave to wake them up. 

And that cold bench on Coney Island feels like the warmth of his voice. 

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[macleod]

Why are you so openly an atheist? Not why are you an atheist, but why do you openly talk about it?

This is likely a response to the question I received the other day, I don't know if it's someone honestly asking, trying to convert me again (a rather poor medium to attempt if so), or is someone questioning their faith. I decided to go all in and cover all the bases and primarily focus on the first and latter option, and I am going to try to answer both being open and why I am an atheist.

For over four thousand years intelligent people, thoughtful people, independent people were tortured, killed, and made an example of for speaking against the authoritarian regime that is The Church.

The church was and has always been a direct (and suspiciously indirect) government that thrives on fear and is the exact opposite of the power of democracy. They are shepherds of religion and the only reason it has survived to this day, they indoctrinate the young with stories that aren't proven, factual, or sensical. This has always led to a power dynamic that leads the most revolutionary, innovative, and forward thinking individuals to be shunned and removed for being outside the system for not being beholden to medieval and proto-medieval ideologies. I am not speaking of any particular religion, although there are some very strong candidates, but they all primarily run folly to this problem. There is little difference between a cult and a church, just one is often more powerful and influential than the other.

There is a difference between a religion and a church, but both stem from ideas of creation that are out of lines with scientific and freedom of thought and rely on the shaping of humanity through frivolous conjecture and stories. The idea that something is all-powerful and is watching your every move is the same thing as believing your mother had eyes in the back of her head so you never did anything wrong when she was near.

In the past, religion made sense to create an understanding of the world. Thunder? God. Earthquake? God. Volcanoes? Disease? Lightning? Clouds? Death? Life? Reason? Perhaps it is simpler to say that there is an all-powerful being out there so that you can feel a bit more at ease in the world. We all have those stories our parents told us when we were younger to get us to do something, or to create an explanation that they didn't know the answer to. We repeated it and ingrained it in us until it was the truth, and we passed it down through the ages as a comfort blanket as we didn't have the tools to measure or precisely explain the nuance of a situation. Now we do, we can explain those things and we are better for it: We are healthier, technology has been created to make our daily lives better, new ways to measure and examine the cosmos are at our fingertips to help us understand this strange plane of existence.

I'm going to always voice my thoughts if the issue is brought up, but I'm not always going to go out of my way to revert people back to the natural, sensible, default. We live in a new world built off the backs of the revolutionaries where people like you and I can discuss the possibility that there isn't a god without being killed or exiled, some places aren't quite there yet, but it will be universally accepted at sometime by people like us moving forward and answering questions when we can.

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART V - This part sort of just gives a little insight into the Vanserra family dynamics, and they’re kind of a mess. The brothers probably aren’t as shit as they are supposed to be, though, but they’re still pretty bad. There are a few mentions of child abuse, Beron is literally the worst. It got a little longer than I’d first planned, but I hope you enjoy it (and big thanks to everyone who is reading)!!!

ahhhh i love it sm. love the brothers. fuck beron

Prince of Ashes. Part V.

masterlist.

Eris’s eyes snapped open, the incessant banging coming from the front of his cottage startling him out of a dreamless sleep. Despite having just woken up, Eris’s movements as he reached for the dagger he always kept on his nightstand were quick, controlled. Even in the dark of the room, Eris could see that there were no intruders. Not many people knew of his personal cottage, but that didn’t mean Eris never worried about being killed in his sleep while there.

“What is that?” Eris had nearly forgotten about Lucien. His youngest brother seemed to have fallen asleep curled up on the large cushioned chair by the stone fireplace again instead of going to the smaller room he’d claimed as his own. Eris didn’t know why, but when he took Lucien to his cottage, Lucien often preferred sleeping on one of the chairs in Eris’s bedroom. Lucien’s red hair was a mess and his shirt was wrinkled as he sat up, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his palms.

Eris grabbed the pair of old brown boots he had by the foot of his bed, wondering who in the hells was capable of getting past the wards he’d had Lagos put around his personal home. “Don’t worry, it’s just the door,” Eris answered, irritation lacing each word in the hopes that Lucien wouldn’t think anything was amiss. 

Lucien didn’t seem worried in the slightest as he yawned before he asked, “Is Micah back? He left a bunch of scrolls on the table.”

“Micah has a key.” All three of his friends had a key, and the only other person he could think of that would be coming to see him so late at night was Rufus, but Rufus could easily winnow through the wards. 

Eris snarled softly when he saw the wrinkles on his own shirt, briefly considering whether or not he should just put another one on, but decided not to when the banging started once more.

It was probably Beron. Eris figured he had absolutely nothing to worry about, his father was most likely just angry with him, and that was nothing new. Or perhaps Beron had come for Lucien. Eris ran a hand through his hair, his other hand still clutching his dagger as he tried to decide if it was Lucien his father wanted, what he might do. With a few large steps, Eris made his way across the room. He crouched down in front of Lucien’s chair, holding the dagger out to him, “Take this.”

Lucien straightened, suddenly looking a lot more troubled, but he didn’t reach out to take the dagger. “What’s happening?” 

“Nothing,” Eris desperately hoped it was nothing. “Rufus probably just got drunk and forgot how to winnow again.” 

“Eris,” russett eyes wide, Lucien grabbed onto the loose sleeve of Eris’s shirt, “Where are you going?”

“To open the door,” Eris flashed his brother a small smile, hoping that it would be enough to convince him that everything was alright. “Take this and stay here.” Lucien knew how to use a blade, most Autumn court children did. 

Lucien was just a little older than half a decade, but despite his age, he knew all too well how dangerous the Autumn Court was, how cutthroat. Lucien took a deep breath, eyes now on the dagger in Eris’s outstretched hand.

The hilt of the dagger was ornate, golden, and fashioned to look like the head of a snake, green jewels that acted as the snake’s eyes glittered brightly as Lucien curled his small fingers around the weapon. Eris brought his now empty hand up to ruffle Lucien’s hair, “I’ll be back,” he promised. 

Lucien nodded once, pulling his knees up to his chest, a look of pure determination on his young features as he watched Eris stand to his full height.

Eris regretted that he’d left all of his hounds at the kennel in the Forest House I’m his rush to leave. He’d have preferred at least Enya, his oldest hound and the alpha of the pack, to have watched over Lucien. Eris no longer had a weapon, but his magic would most likely be enough, so with one final glance at Lucien, Eris tore out of the room. As Eris walked with fast steps down the hall, the bronze sconces that lined the walls flared to life behind him.

The banging on the door hadn’t gotten any louder or any more frantic, and as Eris approached it, he lifted his nose in the air, taking a deep breath. The familiar scent of red apples lingered in the small foyer - not father - but it did nothing to ease Eris’s worries. His features schooled into a practiced look of irritation, Eris pulled the latch on the door, unlocking it before he yanked it open, “Cato.”

His brother smiled. To anyone else, it might have looked sincere, “Eris.” When Eris didn’t move to the side, Cato made a face that looked genuinely confused, his brows raising in a look of mock puzzlement, “Not going to invite me in?” 

Eris didn’t move, he was taller than Cato, and while they were both lean, Eris’s shoulders were broader. He effectively blocked the entrance to his home as he asked, “Why are you here, Cato?”

His younger brother frowned, “Can’t I come say hello to my older brother?” He tilted his head a fraction, russett eyes widening slightly. “I only have one, you know.” Perhaps that was why Cato and Eris never really got along. Eris was the only obstacle to Cato’s place as High Lord, and they had never spent much time together while Cato was growing up - Eris had been sent to a war camp right after he’d been born.

They had almost no relationship, and yet, they still managed to fight over the smallest of things. Eris supposed that their non-existent brotherly bond meant that there would be no regret for Cato when he would inevitably end Eris’s life. Sending Eris away had been smart on Beron’s part, he’d practically ensured that his two eldest sons were always at each other’s throats. 

Eris growled, “No. No, you cannot come say hello, especially not at the crack of dawn.”

“Did I wake little Lucien?” Cato’s voice dripped with such a convincing act of concern. Even Eris could admit that Cato was the best fucking courtier in all of Prythian, a snake in the grass in every sense. 

“You woke me,” Eris spat. 

Cato was no longer acting the part of the concerned younger brother as he practically shoved past Eris, “Don’t worry, I’m not here to cause any trouble.”

Eris bit the inside of his cheek so hard he drew blood. Slowly, Eris shut the door, mumbling a frustrated, “I doubt it,” under his breath. 

When Eris finally turned to face Cato, he looked closely at his greatest rival. Not a single one of Cato’s deadly throwing knives was in sight, but that didn’t mean none were there. Cato’s eyes looked tired - troubled - and if Eris didn’t know any better, he'd have guessed that he looked a bit nervous.

He was holding himself up a little too straight, the sleeve of his shirt sloppily peaked out of his jacket, and a muscle in his jaw was working. Wonderful, Eris thought, Cato had finally decided to kill him. Eris took a breath, controlling his flames, getting ready for a fight. 

“I know you favour the runt, Eris.” 

Eris blinked. His brows furrowing slightly as he shook his head, “Cato—”

Cato raised a hand, “I don’t know why, but father’s given us orders to make his life as miserable as possible - probably to piss you off as much as because he’s just a horrible old bastard - and I’m not going to go against a direct order from the High Lord.” 

Eris froze, “And you’ve come to tell me this because?” 

Cato flashed him an adder’s grin, “I’m in a benevolent mood.”

Eris eyed him. Eris didn’t know if Cato had ever done him any favours, at least not in the last century. He sometimes wondered if Cato and him could have been close, knowing very well that it was much too late now. The resentment Cato had for his only older brother had been ingrained in his very young and impressionable mind by their father. Eris would be lying if he said he didn’t resent Cato as well.

Cato’s grin, faltered, turned into a frown, a seemingly real and true emotion Eris didn’t think he’d ever seen on his younger brother’s face. “It is an act I’ve done in good faith,” Cato wasn’t meeting Eris’s gaze, “Owain, Maddox, and Priam got the lecture, too.” Cato tugged on the cuff of his jacket sleeve, “I’m sure Rufus would have gotten the lecture if he’d been at the house, waste of father’s breath if you ask me - he only ever listens to you.”

Cato had gone out of his way to warn Eris, and while Eris was grateful, he couldn’t very well let almost all of his brothers turn on Lucien just because Beron had ordered it. “I’m going to say it once, Cato, don’t you dare lay a hand on him.” 

Cato huffed a laugh, flames in his eyes, “I don’t follow your orders, brother, and if you're asking me, I’d say the little runt would benefit from having the rest of us beat on him as well.”

Eris wasn’t usually one for any sort of physical violence, but he was blinded by rage as he lunged at Cato, grabbing him roughly by the collar and shoving him back up against the wall. Eris snarled, teeth bared, “Don’t touch him.” 

“I wasn’t being entirely serious,” Cato rolled his eyes, “But it’s fucking nice to know your weakness, Eris.”

Of course Cato would use their youngest brother against him. “I think all of us would benefit if I cut out that silver tongue.” Eris didn’t mean it, but it worked in Eris’s favour if Cato feared him just a bit. 

Cato grinned again. “I’d be very careful, Eris, I’m not in the mood to gut you tonight, ” Eris hadn’t felt the point of the knife pressed up against his side until Cato applied just a little more pressure, “I’d hate to get blood all over my good jacket, but I’ll do it if I have to.”

Eris snarled, pressing Cato harder up against the wall, “You always manage to make my blood fucking boil, you know.” 

“The feeling is mutual.” Eris thought he felt Cato’s knife cut through his shirt.

With one final growl, Eris loosened his hold on Cato’s jacket. He took a few small steps back, running a hand through his long hair.

Cato adjusted his jacket with one hand, in the other, he twirled the knife between his fingers, the simple silver blade flashing. “Be honest with me, Eris, just this once.” Eris would have asked him what the hell he was talking about, but Cato didn’t wait for a response before he asked, “What’s so very special about Lucien?” 

Eris couldn’t actually tell him about the oath he’d taken, wouldn’t risk Cato using that against him, so he simply sneered, “Absolutely nothing.”

Cato scoffed, “I know you dislike it when precious little Lucien gets a beating, but I think you’re overreacting. Father’s hands aren’t as painful as the whips he was using on us at Lucien’s age.” 

Eris set his jaw, opting to give his brother some of the honesty he’d asked for. “I want to protect him from that - maybe then he won’t end up like the rest of us.” Eris made a vague gesture with his hand.

There seemed to be a sort of understanding between the both of them when Cato met his eyes once more, a strange sort of openness that Eris couldn’t really read. Cato sounded a bit defeated as he spoke, “You cannot protect him forever.” 

Eris knew he couldn’t, the vow he’d taken haunted him some nights, but that didn’t mean he wanted Cato to point it out. “I can try,” Eris snapped.

“I appreciate the honesty, truly, but let me tell you something, brother. Your efforts will have been for nothing if the outcome is no good.” Cato shook his head, “I reckon no one - not mother, not Rufus, definitely not Lucien - no one will remember that you tried.” His lip curled over his teeth at the last word like he was disgusted by it. “Father’s got it out for little Lucien, I don’t know why, so try and protect him if you must, but when it all goes to shit, just remember I warned you.”

Eris couldn’t even begin to guess why their father was acting this way so suddenly, but he dipped his chin at his brother. “Thank you, Cato,” Eris said with as much sincerity as he was able. Eris wasn’t very used to thanking anyone, and he didn’t think that Cato was very used to hearing any thanks, either. Eris could practically hear his father’s voice, see the sneer on Beron’s face, as he’d hissed at a young Eris that sons of Autumn never gave thanks.

Cauldron boil me, Eris thought, he was going fucking soft. 

Cato’s russett eyes widened at the words before his genuine look of surprise was replaced by a scowl, the masks were back, it seemed. “You won’t be thanking me when I steal your crown, brother.” 

“If you are feeling benevolent when you decide to kill me,” Cato flinched, but Eris continued, choosing to ignore it, “Do me a favour and make it quick.” The silence that dragged between them as they stared at each other was uncomfortable.

They looked so alike, very much like their mother. Long red hair, sharp cheekbones, elegant brows, the only difference was the russet colour of Cato’s eyes and the much softer lines of his face. 

With a shake of his head, Cato moved past Eris, ensuring that their shoulders hit. He threw open the door, the heat of the room leaving as he stood in the doorway for a moment, as though he wanted to say something.

Cato stepped over the threshold of the door, the first few rays of the sun peaking over the horizon. “And not like you asked for my advice,” Cato picked at a thread on the sleeve of his shirt, turning to face Eris once more, “But you should stop spoiling the little runt, you’ll make him as useless as Rufus. And father is growing impatient with you and I’d rather not be dragged out of my duties to watch your flogging.”

Eris nodded once absently, his mind reeling, but nothing except irritation showed on his face. Perhaps Beron had learned in truth that Lucien was not his son. Perhaps Beron was no longer questioning the blood that ran through Lucien’s veins. Perhaps Eris would not be able to protect him, and Eris would rather tear out his own throat than let Beron harm his youngest brother. He’d made a vow, after all - he found he had to remind himself that was the only reason why.

Before he winnowed away, Cato called back to his older brother, “Be careful, Eris.” It could have been a warning or a threat, but Eris was choosing to believe that Cato might have actually been a bit worried for his well being. 

Eris shut the door, turning and leaning against it with his eyes closed. He slowly slid to the floor, breathing in through his nose, wrapping his hands around his knees. He hadn’t felt this helpless since he was a child.

Eris felt dizzy as he thought about how he would have to find a way to get his father to pay even less attention to Lucien, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to go about it. He was also trying not to think too much about Cato. Cato had fucking warned him. The brother who he competed against, constantly fought with, never trusted - had warned him. Cato was young and ruthless and cruel, just as Eris was, and Eris knew they were more alike than they were different.

They were two-sides of the same tarnished coin. Eris took another breath, he didn’t like thinking about his brothers too much, it made his chest ache. Eris thumped his head a couple times on the door behind him. Perhaps if he hit it a little harder he’d knock some sense into himself. Eris could feel flames dancing on the tips of his fingers. He’d gotten much too emotional, all his actions driven by that stupid oath, and he’d lost his edge. 

“Eris?”

Eris opened his eyes at the sound of Lucien’s worried voice. He was sure he hadn’t managed to control his magic, and he knew that there were wild flames flaring in his eyes. Eris was almost certain Lucien would flinch away from him, away from that all-too familiar and dangerous fire, a fire that reminded most people of his father. “I thought I told you to stay put.” 

Lucien was no longer holding the dagger Eris had given him, but he took a small step towards where Eris sat. “Are you alright?”

In the light, Eris could clearly see just how terrible Lucien looked after Beron’s beating. It had taken all of Eris’s strength not to go after his father, and just like a coward, he’d done nothing but winnow Lucien away from that cauldron-damned house. Eris hadn’t been there to see Lucien’s punishment - he didn’t even know what Lucien might have been punished for - but Beron’s marks were all over his little brother.

Eris could barely look at the black eye, at the split skin near Lucien’s eyebrow, at the dark bruise on his cheekbone. Eris knew there were more bruises he couldn’t see. 

“I’m fine.” Eris lied, willing the flames in his eyes to vanish. 

Lucien took a few more small, slow steps towards Eris, like he was approaching a wounded animal. It must have been a shock for Lucien to see Eris in this way, but Eris was tired, and he didn’t think he had it in him to act alright even for Lucien’s sake.

Lucien sat right next to Eris, leaning up against the door, mirroring the way Eris was sitting. Eris knew he should perhaps be offering Lucien words of comfort, but he didn’t know what to say. 

Lucien was the first to break the silence. “It’s light.” 

“What?” Eris turned his head to face Lucien, confused. 

Lucien looked up at him with a small smile, “What can fill a room, but takes up no space. Your riddle.” 

Eris raised an auburn brow, “I’m going to have to start giving you harder ones.”

“I’ll solve those ones, too.” 

Eris felt the corner of his mouth tilt up just a fraction, “I bet you will.” 

Lucien turned away from Eris, moving so that he was leaning up against Eris’s side. “Don’t worry too much about whatever’s bothering you,” Lucien muttered, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” 

Eris took comfort in knowing that at least Lucien believed in him, and he figured that Lucien was probably right 

Eris would figure something out, he always did.

[aghostband]

The Sun, The Earth and The Moon

Hi, so I wrote this small fic that was inspired by thinking of Leo as the sun. Also, It’s a lot of Logan thoughts as well as anxieties. 

All the characters belong to @lumosinlove

Logan, from a young age, was always fascinated with space. He found love for each star no matter how bright or dull and small or large it appeared to be. Sometimes he wished he could touch the moon and hug the sun. He knew, in reality, hugging the sun was dangerous, but he loved the star deeply. 

He wondered as he grew if he’d find a single person who’d he love just as much as he did the sun and moon. He began to realize it must not be possible as he hit high school. Sure he started noticing boys and girls, but none of them embodied the sun or moon. No one encapsulated the beauty, the brightness and joy, the warmth of the sun or the hope, gentleness, comfort and patience of the moon, it was always there to listen on hard nights. 

Everything grew hopeless. He was unsure he’d ever find love as he graduated high school.

Then suddenly he found himself in Harvard, across from his best friend. Across from Finn. He started to believe maybe Finn was his moon. Finn who listened. Finn who would hug him when he needed it. Finn who made him happy.

He kissed Finn, his moon. He did it a few more times after that first moment. They never talked about it after. Logan feared what would happen. Then, suddenly, his moon disappeared. He had been drafted to the Lions. Of course, Logan was ecstatic for the boy he loved. It was a dream they shared and Finn had made the first step to that becoming true.

Next thing Logan knew, Finn's bed was empty. There would be no more talking into the darkness, no one to wake up to and no one to hold him through the bad nights. Whether they were just bad or there were thunderstorms. God he hated thunderstorms. He could feel the anxiety clawing at him at the thought of them. Finn was his rock and now he wasn’t there, he realized.

Oftentimes, he wondered if they did talk, what would’ve happened. Maybe they’d date or they would try to in secret. Logan figured if Finn was the moon and Logan desperately searched for the sun still, then what did that make him? He knew he wasn’t a sun. That meant, no matter how much Finn liked him, he wouldn’t be the right person. The moon was destined to be with the sun. Both fell each night or morning so the other could shine. They fed off each other, helped each other. They were always seen by the other.

His dream of finding the star and the moon were quite irrational. Sure, he could find two amazing people that reached the standards of both celestial bodies that he had personified. However, they couldn’t all be together. That’d be impossible. 

Then he got drafted to the Gryffindor Lions, just like Finn. He was beyond excited. He has the chance to live with Finn again. Yet, he couldn’t find the nerve in himself to face his best friend. In the end he did not live with Finn, but instead Dumais. The hurt and shock on Finn's face when he spilled the news to him was ingrained in his brain. It was better this way, he reminded himself. Safer, less scary and it gives Finn the chance to find the person he deserved. Allowed him to find his sun.

The problem with this was that Logan didn’t expect the sun to come up so soon. All tall with blonde hair like a halo, blue eyes like the sky or the sea and the brightest smile he’s ever seen. His name, Leo. Of course he moved in with Finn. 

Logan scrubbed his forehead, Sun and Moon, perfect for eachother. He didn’t fit in that. He was just one of the billions of stars in space, watching from afar. Or a meteor passing by. Maybe it was his fault and he threw his shots away, but it still hurt. 

Then, out of nowhere, they were talking. It actually wasn’t out of nowhere, there was a lot of build up to it. They would talk it through, they’d learn how to work together. He would be sure not to voice his insecurities. He didn’t want to. They’d probably think it’s stupid.

                                                      —

One night, weeks after they began dating, he found himself alone in the apartment. The insecurities we bubbling back up. He tugged the sleeve of Leo’s sweatshirt over his hands, back sliding down the wall.  He brought the palm of his hands to his eyes, rubbing them. His chest heaved, what if they realized they didn’t want him? That he didn’t fit in with them like they thought he would?

“Lo?” The gentle voice barely made it through to him. Finn. That was Finn talking, his mind registered.

“Logan, baby.” Leo’s voice echoed in his ears for a moment. Logan looked up this time. Leo was crouched next to him, Finn in front of him. 

“What’s running throu-“

“If Finns the moon, my rock, my light in the dark and Leo, you’re the sun, warm, bright, joyful and beautiful. Where do I fit in?” He took a shaky breath. 

Any other situation Leo probably would’ve blushed darkly at being called the sun, but instead his heart clenched at Logan’s pain. He watched Finn pull their boyfriend into his lap, hugging him. Comforting him.

Leo searched for words, “Logan,” he began. “if I’m the sun and Finn’s the moon. You’re our world. Our Earth-“ 

“Earth,” he interrupted, sounding perplexed.

Leo nodded, “full of mysteries, adventures and beauty. You help bring us together. You’re vibrant and full of life. We get to see that. We get to admire that.”

“You see me like that?” He asked, incredulously.

“Of course we do, we love you, Lo.” Finn said, placing a kiss into his hair. Logan sank against his boyfriends chest, calming down. 

He heard Leo murmur something before Finn shifted and lifted him up. Logan didn’t bother to move his head from Finn's chest until he was set in the middle of their bed. He opened his eyes to see both of his boys lay on either side of him. Two pairs of arms wrapped around bringing warmth and filling him with love.

He was their Earth. The moon revolves around the earth and together they revolve around the sun. In turn, the sun lit them both up making them better. Happier.

And Logan couldn’t be happier.

[life-rewritten]

Color Rush- Crushes and Obstacles (Ep 5-6)

So I already analysed episode 5 of Color rush with the question focusing on the nature vs nurture of monos and probes. We basically have a show that keeps reminding us about the world and stigma of being a mono, the psychological regression, issues and lack of control that occurs once a  mono meets their fated probe. Because of this ideology, our main character finds himself being forced to make a choice of if he should embrace becoming a monster to keep his probe by his side or if he should be alone forever stuck in a depressive state, empty and lifeless. The issue with this way of thought is that apart from maybe the media showing him clues about how monos react when they meet their probes, there's not enough evidence in my opinion that this is the only choice/way for a mono and probe to end up. Especially since our mono had seen a relationship where it was more or less successful before the mono maybe lost control once the probe died, that's his mum and dad. So this analysis focuses more on that same question is it really the only ending for a mono and probe relationship; to end with chaos, and pain, and obsession, kidnaps, crimes etc., or is this just all a placebo effect that has been embedded into the minds of monos to be this way.

Monos and Their Probes

Let's look at the details of episode 5 and 6. Yeonwoo and Yoohan's relationship evolves as they both start to fall more and more for each other. For Yeonwoo, this is hard because he's never known what that feels like, and his crush and attraction to Yeonwoo is even more enhanced in his mind because of the connection and link to Yoohan being his probe. But if we don't focus on the fact that Yoohan and Yeonwoo are probes and monos and just see them as two high school boys who have feelings for each other who went on a date, went home after and chilled, their relationship becomes like every other normal relationship, no danger, no questions of obsession and addiction. Pause.

Devotion vs Obsession

When we have feelings for people we tend to become obsessed and addicted to their presence just a bit, it's because of the serotonin, and dopamine released when we have a puppy love, a crush or even when we start to fall even more deeply for someone. It's feelings of happiness, of euphoria, excitement, and more. So Yeonwoo and Yoohan just like every other couple are going through phases of these euphoric feelings, wanting to spend as much time with each other as possible, wanting to touch each other, wanting to stay together every single time. It's what happens in a honeymoon phase of a relationship. You can't let go of the other person. Now this doesn't mean for us we want to go kidnap and commit crimes to keep our crush next to us, we may miss them, and want to keep talking to them but it doesn't mean we're insane, addicted or obsessed. Do you see my point?

I think Yeonwoo truly has exaggerated his feelings of a crush on Yoohan. He's made it so much more worse than it has to be because he's been fearmongered by the media into thinking just because he doesn't want Yoohan to leave it means he's turning into a monster when really he's just liking and crushing on his new crush. He didn't have to make the decision to go buy these kidnapping tools and to think of ways to make himself a monster, since that's the only choice he believes he's left with. No, he could have like every other normal person just missed him. So why is Yeonwoo letting himself go deeper into obsession and addiction and letting himself think he is a monster? In order to really look deeper to see if it's truly the only end for a mono, or if it's the environment that is making them this way; we have to analyse the psychological mindset of monos when they meet with their probes

Monos: The world of Lonliness and Depression 

The metaphor already for monos is lack; they lack color, lack brightness, lack vibrancy in their lives. They've been forced since birth to see the world in such a dark and oblique way. And as they find out about their condition, they are seen as monsters from the get-go, forced to be alone to avoid people in case they bump into their fated probes. The loneliness and the forced mindset of a mono to stay in this lifeless energy is really psychologically depressing and tiring. And it's when they get a glimpse of hope, of companionship, love, colour, and more with their probes that Monos start to feel happy and joyful. Now it doesn't have to be this way, Monos could end up feeling comfortable with their condition if they were just treated equally and right, but no they're prejudiced, pushed away and bullied horribly once it's discovered that this is what they are.

From a young age, monos are told that they are going to be monsters, they are going to hurt people, they are going to lose their minds one day. And this is just exacerbated in the media with fears and warnings of how monos interact with their probes. If from a young age, a mono is repeatedly told, this is who they are, then it forms a placebo belief and effect, and brainwash that this is the only way they can be. Mono's don't see any other way out, or a chance to be different because everyone feeds to them the same narrative of pain, despair and obsession. And it sucks. Look at how immediately Yeonwoo's aunt reacts when she notices Yeonwoo and Yoohan have found each other, she immediately scolds him and tells him he has to move, so he doesn't break and lose his sanity. She doesn't give it the benefit of the doubt, or ask questions; she resorts immediately into trying to push them away from each other.

Now, this makes sense because she has lost her sister who was a mono who probably lost her mind once her probe died. And then went missing/ taken by maybe another mono (that's what it seems Yeonwoo and his aunt believe happened). Because of this, there is a negative stigma with the aunt on how monos can behave, she has already lost so much because of monos, and so she doesn't want Yeonwoo to be the same. The aunt is like everybody else in this world, whose first reaction to monos is to push away and to avoid, this world isolates and distances monos away from a chance to be happy, and live freely because of their condition.

The Psychological Implications of Being a Mono

The psychological implications of being a mono are so fascinating to me. It's like a psychological disorder (despite it not being that way) are all psychopaths forced to hurt and become serial killers? Are all sociopaths meant to avoid people just because there's a higher tendency that people could get hurt if it goes awry? No. Because just because you have a gene or a link to a family member that went crazy and started hurting people, it doesn't mean you would make the same choice and do the same thing. Not everyone is the same just because they have the same disorder or mindset. And that's the same for monos, monos don't have to go crazy and hurt their probes. The separation from their probes obviously enhances anxiety and fear of going back into this lifeless, darkness that they finally found a way out of; this is what drives their actions. It's just enhanced emotions and enhanced fears, but they don't have to act on it, the people who do act on it are people who were weak or predisposed to other factors that make them want to be violent. Yeonwoo doesn't have to plan ways to kidnap or take Yoohan when Yoohan would gladly stay by his side. He doesn't have to be this broken or fearful of becoming a monster; he's making these choices because he has a placebo mindset that this is who he should become. And it's heartbreaking.

The thing is we see  Yoohan and Yeonwoo having a great time together, being happy and liking each others company without the color rush having to be the only focus of why they're interacting. We do get to see Yeonwoo panic because of decolouring, and he enhances those emotions because of his already ingrained anxiety about what it means to want to keep Yoohan by his side. The way I see it, Yeonwoo has formed an anxiety about who he is because of how the world treats him and other monos, and because he has that issue with stress coupled with physical evidence that he's losing colour, it drives him to think it's a sign he's becoming a monster. It's not.

First of all, of course, he becomes worried and scared about losing colours, the decolouring effect is like going from a high to a low, when colour rush happens to monos it's a euphoric effect, it doesn't last, but like a drug it can lead to a crash and a hangover, so of course immediately Yoohan leaves Yeonwoo starts to crash and regress back into seeing the world as grey, and that makes his mindset also feel depressed coupled with the fact he does not want Yoohan to go because of his crush (not dependency). So Yeonwoo misunderstands his reactions when Yoohan leaves as him becoming addicted and obsessed with Yoohan with no point of return when really he's just moody because his high is gone and he misses Yoo Han as a normal person does with their crush. So he's talking himself into thinking the only explanation is his dependency on Yoohan for color and his obsession as a mono growing. And it's sad, monos have been forced to feel this way, that they're predatory, horrifying and cruel in their love when really they've just met the one, and they wish to be happy.

Society vs Monos

It's his aunty who triggers this emotion, her conversation with him made him think there's no other way out of becoming this monster because she put that fear that he may be forced to separate from Yoohan. And this is really where I think Monos become the versions they are shown (crazy, obsessed, crimes) in the news because not every mono and probe is going to be in love, not every probe may want to be with their monos, everyone has a different circumstance and that fear of losing colors, may drive a mono to doing things. However, I don't think it's natural for them to become so obsessed and so desperate to live with colors so much that they hunt down their probes and hurt others. That's a specific few, ones that had those warped mindsets, or a more problematic background or a harsher philosophy. Not everyone becomes violent, some monos probably retreat from their probes and stay depressed, some fall in love with someone who isn't a probe, there are so many different ways it could go, the thing is monos are only shown in one light, and that's the people who chose to go far to keep their probes by their side through fear.

This self-hate and deprecation Yeonwoo has of who he is naturally reminds me so much of internalised homophobia, hating who you are naturally and thinking you're wrong because of how society has made you see yourself. It's the same feelings; the disgust, the anxiety, the repression etc. And we've already mentioned how monos and probes are probably metaphors of LGBTQ+ struggle, society making monos think it's wrong to be with the people who love them and they love. This self-hate will make Yeonwoo feel he has no other option but to check himself into a hospital or institution or to (trigger warning)  end his life. And that's just so messed up. I've seen many people question his mindset because from what we're seeing his mother seems like she had a happy marriage with his father, shouldn't she be proof that monos and probes can be healthy? But I think we're forgetting that his father died, and from knowing how monos react to missing their probes, I'm guessing his mum couldn't take it and also lost some of her sanity or she fell into depression and couldn't get out of that. Also as mentioned, I think Yeonwoo thinks it's a mono that kidnapped his mum, and so that also maybe gives him more resentment towards who he is, and again makes him think monos only end up committing crimes and hurt people they love.

But we need to know more about why he thinks this way and what other evidence they have about his mother's missing case. Plus his mother has not been by his side for four years, and in those four years he's been bullied, mistreated, have to move schools each time his condition is found out, so it's been a long time of society again making him think he's a monster, and without his mum there to help him see different, he just follows that mindset, unfortunately.

Yeonwoo and Yoohan; Just a crush

For Yeonwoo and Yoohan, their relationship is not just based on dependence, Yeonwoo thinks it's the colours, and he does not understand it's just feelings and him liking Yoohan since he first met him. Yeonwoo has had to push people away, and find excuses not to have friends, and Yoohan barged into his life without warning, both have been attracted and wanting each other from the start. Yeonwoo struggled with this information and rationalised it into thinking it's because he wants the colour rush, but it isn't that, it's more than that, he just wants to be happy, in love and with Yoohan. Yoohan is the same as Yeonwoo, he's also had to push people away, and alienate himself, and not care about the world or society because of his own condition, seeing Yeonwoo made him want to do more, he liked what Yeonwoo was to him, he liked having a crush on Yeonwoo, and so he also found himself wanting to stay with Yeonwoo for as long as he can. For a long time I've also been thinking he was just as obsessed and addicted to Yeonwoo like monos are to their probes, but no, he's a teenage boy with a crush, and so is Yeonwoo. We also let the media and how society views mono make us feel worried and scared about these two's relationship forming and whilst it was thrilling to think it could be more dangerous than it is, it's really just two people falling in love with each other, and one psychologically scarred and brainwashed into thinking there's something wrong with who he is naturally. And that's just painful.

So yeah Color Rush; a look into psychological mindsets, nature vs nurture, the addictive feeling of what love is, and more, this show is so fun to watch and analyse and see how it's going to turn out, but there are moments where it hurts and makes you think and question how society and media play a role in showing minorities, how they control the narrative about certain things and if that's right. Fearmongering, prejudiced mindsets and more isn't cool, but the world has always been led by these ignorant ideas without education and open mindsets, and it sucks. So watching color rush is an interesting metaphor and symbolism for the struggles some people have because of stigmas associated with conditions they have from birth, or just ideologies formed that isn't necessarily true about who they are as a person, it only leads to self-hate, depression, anxiety, self-harm just to fit into society's narrative and it sucks. Let's hope Yoohan shows Yeonwoo he's not a monster, and he's okay being himself and loving Yoohan. he doesn't have to hurt or go insane and do crimes because he's a mono. He'll be fine.  

[rrandomtthings]

Bakugou Katsuki and his development throughout the series (Part 1 of 2)

His fall

Note: none of this is excusing things Bakugou has done in the past. He was completely in the wrong for that. Explanations ≠ Justifications.

There will be no manga spoilers in this part, but in part 2 there will be!!

Part two link: (will be added)

Bakugou Katsuki is a very hit or miss kind of character. He is brash, loud, and everything in between. If that is not your type of character, then the chances of you liking him are very low. Hence why his character has been deemed as very controversial.

Not to mention, Bakugou was a bully.

The first scene of the series starts with younger Bakugou bullying a kid with younger Midoriya Izuku, his childhood friend, protecting said kid. This is the first impression that we are given of not only Bakugou as a character, but as society as whole.

People are not created equal

As we continue through the beginning of the series, we find out that Bakugou was a huge bully, especially towards Izuku. With the two being childhood friends, they were really close when they were younger, as they were shown to hang out relatively often.

However, as soon as Bakugou got his quirk things changed for the worse.

It’s important to recognize what quirks mean to hero society. The better your quirk is, the more you’re looked up to. The worse your quirk is, the more you’re looked down upon. This is something that has been ingrained in children at the young age of 4, when they receive said quirks.

Bakugou was born with the jackpot quirk of Explosions while Izuku was born with nothing.

From the young age of 4, your place in society has already been drilled in.

Continuing on from when they were just children, Bakugou already having his quirk and Deku still not knowing what his is (at this point Izuku didn’t get himself checked out), the two head to a lake with their friends. Bakugou, having the best quirk out of all of them and being the “leader” as they walk on a log and he falls off and into the river underneath them, his friends watching as he falls in the water, expecting him to get up all on his own because of the power he holds.

All except one.

In this moment, because of societal standards, Bakugou was expected (even by himself) to be able to get up on his own after that fall. Seeing someone like Izuku, who he calls “Deku,” which to him literally means “worthless,” who is seen as weak and not-powerful by societal standpoints wanting to help someone as powerful as Katsuki, it made Bakugou feel like Deku was looking down on him.

He refused Dekus hand, he refused Dekus friendship. He didn’t like that this “attitude” that Izuku had that Katsuki was so unfamiliar with.

As years go on we are not informed about how consistent Katsukis bullying was towards Izuku. We can only assume that it was something that was somewhat common, however that is only an assumption. This is not canon.

One day, Izuku gets outed out by his teacher about wanting to attend UA. This being Katsukis dream school, it’s interesting to note that while everyone in class was laughing at Izuku, Bakugou was not.

Almost as if he considered Deku, “a quirkless nobody,” a threat.

However, he took that threat and turned it around and bullied Izuku for it, leading to the infamous “swan dive” scene where Bakugou tells Izuku to khs.

This is arguably the worst, if not one of the worst things that have been shown that Katsuki has done. As mentioned at the top of this post, there is no justification for this. Bakugou was completely in the wrong. Just because he felt threatened does not in any way shape or form excuse the way he treated Izuku, especially in this scene.

Then, the sludge villain attack happens.

Here, Bakugou is shown to be in a vulnerable state as he is being consumed by the sludge villain. After Izuku comes in and save him, it is said that Katsuki had’nt bullied him since.

Now Bakugou is in UA. He was used to being the highest of the food chain. Being at the top of everyone so easily. However, when he entered UA, reality hit him like a ton of bricks after realizing that he is not special.

Starting off with one of the most prominent fights, Deku vs Kacchan (1).

The teams are Deku & Ochako (the heroes) vs Iida and Bakugou (the villains) as they fight with each other with their own respective tasks.

Throughout the fight however, even though they were in teams, it was mainly Deku vs Kacchan (as the title suggests.)

In this fight, we see Bakugou at a bit of a breaking point. He practically panics as he comes to a realization that this kid infront of him who he thought always looked down on him could possibly be on the same level as him. To him, the “worthless Deku” was starting to shine through and past the negative connotations of that name.

After he aimed his quirk towards Izuku (NOTE: in this scene he did not try and kill Izuku. He even states that he purposely aimed away so it wouldn’t harm him. However, this is still not an excuse) and saw that Izuku did and could take him after he had one, Bakugou went into full panic mode.

Note: it’s also important to recognize that he showed fear for Deku. He was scared to see how far he was willing to go.

Later on, we are shown Deku spilling the beans to Katsuki about his quirk, to which Bakugou does not believe and continues to claim that he is and will be stronger than him as he walks off, completely vulnerable and with teary eyes.

The next time we are shown Katsuki in a vulnerable state, it’s at the sports festival.

After his fight with Uraraka, who he claimed to be a worthy opponent (wooo some sort of development!!), he immediately put the blame on Deku, thinking that he was the reason why she had such a great plan (aaaaand there that development goes) to which Izuku replies with him not being involved in the plan.

Then, he has his fight with Todoroki to which he starts getting mad about as Shouto was not using his full power on him. Bakugou wants to be shown that he was best with Todoroki using his full power, so he felt like he was being looked down upon and seen as weak in his eyes.

They had to chain him up because he was so furious about the fight, this fight only adding to his very prevelent inferiority and superiority complex.

The sports festival ends and they all go off into internships and Bakugou has chosen to go with Best Jeanist. Here, he grows to respect Best Jeanist, even going as far as to making sure that he is the first one to hear his hero name when he comes up with one.

Now after they come back from their internships, the students are tasked with fighting one of the teachers with a partner not of their choice.

Katsuki and Izuku were paired together.

At first, this was hard. Bakugou was not interacting with Izuku. He wanted to do things his own way, even going as far as to say that he would rather lose than work with Deku. To which led to Izuku punching him to snap him out of it.

Bakugou eventually let up and attempted to start working with Izuku. He even goes as far as using himself as bait so Deku can turn around and win for them (however, Izuku being himself didn’t leave Katsuki behind).

They both beat All Might bc Katsuki had pushed away his pride and finally allowed for them to start working together.

This was arguably Katsukis lowest point in the series. He was so full of distrust, non-compliance, and just,, wanting to stay away from Izuku that he was willing to lose this fight. The same guy who always wants to win was okay with losing.

Then all of class 1A goes to the training camp and it’s being attacked.

Their target? It was Bakugou.

Izuku and others desperately try and protect Bakugou as they try and take him as far away from the attack as possible to avoid any mishap.

However, they failed and Bakugou was taken.

In the moment as Bakugou was taken, we see him show genuine concern for Deku as he runs for him, telling him not to come after him at that moment.

Dekus scream after this scene in the anime will never not make me teary eyed,,

While held in captivity, it was revealed that he was kidnapped because the villains thought that they could turn him over to their side after seeing how upset and unfairly treated he was at the sports festival. However, Bakugou confirms to the viewers that he has no villainous intentions whatsoever.

After he was kidnapped, there was a rescue team created by some of the students so they can get him back.

As they created a last minute plan, they devised a strategy to which they would use their quirks and Kirishima would be the one to reach out and grab onto Bakugou and save him, to which they go through with and succeed in.

This, as revealed by Horikoshi, is a very bittersweet scene. It shows that Bakugou was starting to trust and become friends with others. However, it also showed his stubbornness in knowing that if it were Izukus hand being reached out then he might have not taken it.

After they get out of the spot they were in, they find that All Might was currently fighting AFO and it was being live broadcasted. After AFO, and ultimately, All Mights defeat, All Might sends a message “to the world”(it’s directed at Izuku) saying that “you’re next.”

Bakugou looks over to Izuku, confusion and concern on his face, seeing as he is the only one crying in a sea of cheering people.

Once they get back to UA and time has passed, Bakugou starts doing smaller things to show his appreciation (i.e. trying to pay Kirishima back, etc.)

After All Might and Aizawa come to his house to talk about dorming with his parents, Bakugou asks All Might his relationship with Izuku, to which he didn’t get the response we wanted and brushed it off as he thanked All Might for saving him.

At this point, the students are out to get their provisional license. Bakugou being bakugou failed in the saving part of the exam and failed to get his license.

After they get back, Bakugou confronts Deku and tells him that he wants to meet with him outside. Deku complies as Bakugou takes him to where they first fought, at ground beta.

This fight is full of emotions. With years of anguish and confusion from Bakugou, trying to understand why and how Izuku was slowly rising up to his level. How he feels guilty for being the one to “end All Might.”

Years upon years of emotions are being fought out as Bakugou tries to seek some sort of comfort and understanding about everything that had just recently happened.

Izuku was the only one in Bakugous eyes to be able to accept and understand his feelings.

After they fight out for a little while and get pulled apart by All Might, the secret about OFA is officially revealed to Bakugou.

When asked to keep this a secret, Bakugou claims that he’s not doing it for All Mights sake (hmmm,, Dekus 👀) and goes as far as to encourage Deku to be better so they could be proper rivals.

Bakugou looks over to Deku and tells him that things will be different between the two. That Katsuki will change and accommodate for this new knowledge that he has.

This is the start is his rising.

[end of part 1]

[tallstars-rewrite]

Chapter 9

chapter list / previous / next

Tallpaw crouched low to the ground, minding every one of his paws to step as lightly over the damp heather as he could. Tail down. No swishing. The wind blew the rabbit scent directly into his nose so strong he could taste it on his tongue. He was downwind of his prey and there was no way it had scented him yet. The small brown animal had its back to him and was nibbling at the grass. Tallpaw bunched his hindquarters to ready his dash. The rabbit raised it’s head suddenly but it hadn’t turned around. It’s not looking at me...quickly, before it turns--!

 He shot out of the heather and made a leap for the rabbit as it took off sharply to the right just as fast. Tallpaw pushed his legs faster and faster, he was less than a fox length away from his prey and he kept on its trail, his long tail turning to angle his momentum as he pelted after it. But before he could make his leap, the little creature vanished under his paws and was gone down a small burrow in the ground. Tallpaw stuck his head down it, but it was far too small for him. 

“Fox-dung!” He growled down the hole, tail lashing angrily.

“That was excellent! You very nearly outran it with how fast you picked up speed!” Dawnstripe called to him as she weaved her way through the heather.

Tallpaw sat with a dejected huff, his ears drooping slightly. “But I missed it again!”

“We’re only practicing technique and form right now, Tallpaw. And you’re improving very fast! But do remember that a rabbit's eye can detect you even when you think you’re behind it. Just because it’s not turned towards you doesn’t mean you don’t have it’s attention.”

I should have known that it was paying attention…Tallpaw thought miserably. He’d hardly caught more than a mouse in his quarter moon of training, but it was the rabbits that made a real impressive hunter. He had to be good enough to catch one on his own soon. 

He shook away his self pity and got to his paws “Can we join the dusk hunting patrol? I was even closer this time than I was this morning. I’m sure if I work at it the rest of the day, I could get it right!”

“I admire your enthusiasm to learn, but there’s no need to push yourself so hard. You’ll have more than earned a rest by sundown. Temperance and patience make a skilled hunter as much as endurance and speed.”

“Indeed!” The deep voice made Tallpaw jump, though Dawnstripe, clearly having detected the senior warrior's approach, only calmly dipped her head as Hareflight stepped gracefully forward, his spotted brown pelt blending easily into the grass.  “Patience and discipline is of utmost importance for all young warriors to learn.”  Hareflight went on in a haughty voice.

Shrewpaw was close at his mentor's heels and flashed a smirk at Tallpaw. “So is being aware of your surroundings,”  he snickered quietly.

Shrewpaw must have seen him startle. Tallpaw whapped the other apprentice with his tail and looked away to hide his embarrassment.

“You're right on time as expected, Hareflight.” Dawnstripe said.

“Of course.” Hareflight lifted his chin. “Punctuality is also of the utmost importance. It’s as I always tell my apprentice. What do we say, Shrewpaw?”

Shrewpaw let out a very heavy sigh and droned, “A warrior true always rises precisely when the day is new.” He caught Tallpaw’s gaze and dramatically rolled his eyes. Tallpaw stifled a snicker himself and mouthed ‘wow.’

At Dawnstripe’s signal he sat back up, ears at attention. “Since you’ve been so eager to learn quickly, we’re going to try out battle training. Hareflight’s an experienced warrior and has seen many battles, so listen closely to him.”

Tallpaw perked his ears at attention, but inwardly he wasn’t especially excited. Shrewpaw stretched and flexed his claws, tearing at the grass. Of course the wiry apprentice spent their whole kithood play-fighting, a game Tallpaw had never particularly enjoyed as much. He had over a moon's head start training on top of it, and would surely be eager to show off.

 Couldn’t I have done this with Briarpaw the first time? Tallpaw thought glumly.

Hareflight gave them a very long diatribe on the importance of silent communication and how the heart of the clan comes through well coordinated and disciplined teamwork. In order to fight together, they had to know how one another moved. Tallpaw couldn’t tell whether he or Shrewpaw were more bored. It was astounding the way Hareflight had of making things that should be interesting sound so dreadfully dull.

Dawnstripe nudged Tallpaw gently and he tried very hard to pretend he hadn’t been spacing out looking at the clouds for most of the explanation. “Remember, today is about practicing technique. It’s alright if you don’t come out on top.”

Hareflight looked at the two apprentices through narrowed eyes. “Dawnstripe and I will be watching you closely, so keep your senses and wits about you, you must take this seriously. No futzing about!”

“But don’t feel nervous either. It’s not an assessment, we’re here to learn.” Dawnstripe added hastily.

“But certainly don’t think that means you shouldn’t take it as seriously as an assessment. I, personally, will be taking careful note of your missteps.”

“Yes, mentor.” Tallpaw and Shrewpaw said in unison.

“Now enough talking, there’s no better teacher than experience, as I always say!” Hareflight called.

If only he could have said that before talking for half the morning! Tallpaw thought as both apprentices positioned themselves. As he and Shrewpaw began to circle each other, Tallpaw had to admit to himself that fighting hadn’t been a part of warrior training he’d dwelled on much. The idea of plunging his claws into another cat made him wince. But of course it was only training, and their claws were to stay safely sheathed. I can do this, how hard can it be? he thought.

Unfortunately that confidence left him rather quickly. Shrewpaw feigned to the left and Tallpaw only barely managed to dodge his paw swipes. Momentarily he was unsure how to go about this, overly concerned about hurting his attacker. Pretend he’s an enemy warrior! But that didn’t help much either. Tallpaw kept blocking, swiping his strikes to the side and leaping nimbly out of range. He heard Dawnstripe encourage him to strike back, but his first attempt was far too clumsy and hesitant. Before he knew it, Shrewpaw ducked his blow with ease and darted under Tallpaw, tripping him as his gangly limbs got tangled and he face planted into the dirt.

“You’re fighting like a cornered rabbit!” Shrewpaw said, “Come on, just hit me!”

“My apprentice is right, you are far too hesitant. Momentary distractions will land you in trouble in a real battle.” Hareflight called out. Turning to Dawnstripe, he added “perhaps we should practice team fighting first. It’s an important skill for WindClan as other clan cats often have an advantage of brute strength. So, Tallpaw and Shrewpaw, you will work together and I will act as your enemy. Keep track of each other, follow your partner's lead, if Shrewpaw aims for one area, keep your target distracted from the other side. If you work together, you can take down an enemy much bigger than yourself. The most important thing is to keep track of your battle partner.” He stared hard at the two apprentices. “And remember, a cornered warrior alone is a dead warrior.”

“Yeah, so don’t let me die, flea-brain.” Shrewpaw said.

Alright no pressure, Tallpaw thought.

As they got into position to act as if they were ambushing the senior warrior from the long grass cover, Shrewpaw hissed in Tallpaw’s ear, “Whoever knocks him down first gets to have the other do their chores tomorrow,”

“Do you think he count’s competing as ‘futzing about?’” Tallpaw whispered.

Shrewpaw’s eyes gleamed. “Not if he doesn’t notice.”

Tallpaw bared his teeth. You’re on, he signaled silently. If he could show up Shrewpaw, maybe it would make some of his stress and exhaustion worth it. And better still, if he was good at this, Sandstone wouldn’t have to worry about him falling behind. Maybe it didn’t matter if Shrewpaw had more practice. He was also overly arrogant, and that was always a weak point.

The first strike didn’t go well for either of them. Shrewpaw leaped at Hareflight’s back and Tallpaw pounced at his side. 

Hareflight shook them off with surprising nimbleness for a warrior his age. “Work as one unit, not two!” 

 Tallpaw tried to get around him so they could leap on from either side, but Hareflight ducked out of the way and Tallpaw went crashing into Shrewpaw. The momentum sent them both tumbling down the hill and into a bracken patch.

When they hit the bracken, something went streaking out the other side. A small rabbit had been hidden out in the open, staying stalk still in a bid to not be seen until they’d scared it into running. The two apprentices barely glanced at each other for half a second before ingrained hunter instinct took over, prompting them to charge after the fleeing prey. No way was Tallpaw going to let this opportunity get away. And if I get this, it will make up for earlier!

The rabbit bounded ahead and turned sharply, trying to throw them off, but the apprentices were neck and neck on its tail. 

“Better pick up the pace, Wormpaw.” Shrewpaw huffed between breaths as he started pulling ahead of Tallpaw. Tallpaw didn’t respond as he pushed his legs faster. I will not let him get this! His frustration added an extra burst of speed to his stride. He was so focused on his prey he barely heard Dawnstripe’s warning yowl behind him. 

“Tallpaw, stop!”

But it’s so close, just a bit further! The rabbit's scent was so strong he could taste its fear scent against the roof of his mouth. Suddenly, another scent hit him so hard he almost gagged on it. Cat scent, and not ones he recognized. He heard Shrewpaw cry out in alarm and screech to a halt so fast Tallpaw barreled into him and the two toms toppled over each other into the mud. The rabbit had dipped out of sight. Tallpaw spat a clump of dirt from his mouth.

“That was quite an impressive tumble,”  A raspy voice purred from somewhere above Tallpaw’s head. “Seems WindClan’s young aren’t as graceful as they used to be.” 

Tallpaw gasped and sprang to his paws with a start to meet a pair of cold slitted amber eyes and a mocking toothy grin surrounded by messy fox-red fur.  Three shadowy feline shapes sat side by side just under the shadow of the Thunderpath tunnel. Tallpaw hadn’t realized they’d run so close to the marshy grass under the treeline and now were right up against the path that separated their territory from ShadowClan’s. 

“If that’s how WindClan is hunting now, it’s a wonder they haven’t gotten even scrawnier than they already are.” hissed another.

 Tallpaw suddenly felt as if he’d lost his voice, but Shrewpaw hadn’t. The bristling tom scrambled to his paws and stepped in front of Tallpaw, the dark brown fur along his back spiking as he hissed back, “who asked you!? You’re the ones who messed us up!”

The ShadowClan cat growled and moved to step closer but froze in place as Dawnstripe and Hareflight leapt through the bushes with a warning snarl and moved to stand beside their apprentices.

“It would be very unwise of you to take another step further.” Hareflight warned.

“You’re beyond your border. Turn back.” Dawnstripe added.

With his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Tallpaw could make out the figures better. They reeked of the scent Tallpaw often caught wafting under the thunderpath, a mixture of sour rotting plants and peat, and strangely reminiscent of a rancid decaying snake body he’d stumbled across once. The two taller forms were no bigger than Dawnstripe or Hareflight. They looked lean with messy unkempt pelts and thin curved claws that scratched at the wet stone under their paws. Sharp muzzles and wide eyes, pale and strangely hungry looking. Tallpaw had never seen an angry fox before, but he imagined they looked something like this. The one who’d insulted them was a wiry gray flecked molly with cold yellow eyes, likely apprentice-aged as the smallest of the three. She stood beside the warriors, tail swishing in excited agitation and claws flexing as if waiting eagerly for a chance to use them as she eyed the WindClan apprentices. Tallpaw felt a defensive growl rise in his throat, and he hoped his fear scent wasn’t noticeable.

Beside the fox-red tom sat a tall dusky gray-brown molly, her fur was smooth and her stance unaggressive as she cooly replied, “I apologize for the rudeness of our apprentice. They are merely my escorts. We’ve gone beyond no border. Neither of us mark inside the Thunderpath tunnel.”

“There is no reason to go through the tunnel unless a cat is looking for trouble.” Hareflight said. For once, Tallpaw was grateful the senior warrior was around, his unwavering stoicism gave him a shred of confidence.

“Perhaps. But I am ShadowClan’s messenger.” She replied, and she cast her gaze down to Shrewpaw who looked like he was preparing to leap any moment when given command, “And you’ve no grounds to attack me.”

Hareflight stepped in front of his apprentice, ignoring his annoyed growl, and said, “I know who you are, Deerstep. If you have something to say, then get on with it, so you can stop standing around the outskirts of our land.”

“That may change very soon,” said the red tom, barring his long teeth in a grin. “You know, you’re standing on a marshy woodland that your clan doesn’t put to good use.”

“And that doesn’t really belong to you!” cut in the gray flecked molly.

“Doesn’t belong to us? This woodland has been part of WindClan territory for seasons!” Dawnstripe hissed. “If you’re planning on just waltzing onto our land when you see fit, you’re more hare-brained than you look.”

“Please be polite Ashpaw,” purred the messenger. “You know messenger escorts don’t go on raids. There’s no clan law against them looking, is there? That’s all we’ve done. We have no quarrel with you today. I’ve only come to say our clans will have matters to address at the next gathering, that is all. You may inform your leader that Cedarstar wishes to discuss land negotiations, as we have done in the past. Good hunting to you.” She dipped her head and the three cats turned and padded silently into the dark tunnel back to the shadowy woods beyond.

Shrewpaw arched his back and looked as if he wanted to take a swipe at the ShadowClan cat as she turned, but Hareflight put a large paw in front of him and gave him a stern look. “If they are part of the messenger's escort party, we cannot attack without direct provocation, Shrewpaw. WindClan does not take the first swipe, especially not from behind. Besides, Tallpaw has not had enough training for a real battle today.”

Tallpaw flattened his ears indignantly. I’m not a kitten! I could have used my instincts...

“So? We three could have taken them!” Shrewpaw argued. “They were purposely trying to make us angry for no reason!”

“Exactly,” said Dawnstripe. “ShadowClan always tries to invite the first hit so they have a justified cause to hit back. At least they are finally taking an upfront approach instead of sneaking around and making us nervous. I don’t know what that cat was trying to imply about territory negotiations, but it can’t be anything good.”

“I’m afraid I may have an idea of what they were referring to,” Hareflight said, and then added under his breath, “but why in StarClan anyone would care to bring it up now, I haven’t the slightest idea.” He turned back to the apprentices. “And as for you two running off like that, I’m very disappointed. You have the restraint and attention span of a kitten chasing a feather!”

“Sorry,” Tallpaw ducked his head. “It’s just, the rabbit was right there and I thought I could get it quickly.”

“Yeah, you can’t just put a rabbit in front of me and not expect me to chase after it! It’s not my fault it ran at the border. I would have got it if those fox-breaths hadn’t gotten in the way.” Shrewpaw argued.

“We’re going to have to have a long talk about your self control,” Hareflight sighed. Guiding a still bristling Shrewpaw away with his tail, he called back to Dawnstripe, “But first we’d better get back to camp, Heatherstar will want to know about this. I’m afraid the training session will have to be put off for a bit.”

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