#this is a copypasta but. exactly how i feel about him

[rgrfederer]

casper ruud it seems that i have grown fond of you. though there are no sexual desires or urges you come to me as a long lost friend whom i once picked apples with in an orchard

[doll3tt33]

୨ৎ Kai Anderson SFW headcanons

Gonna start doing headcanons for the evans in between making bots cuz I’m bored lol. If you ever wonder how I perceive these characters while I make bots, then here you go!

A handful of these are just plain observations and maybe to some these are clear as day, but idk imma still include them either way

Warnings: misogyny.. duh, loaaads of Reddit mentions

• This might be indisputably obvious, but I feel like some ppl think of Kai as someone who always plans 10 steps ahead, which I personally don’t think so

Yes, he does have a goal in mind, but a lot of his “next moves” are just ideas that came to him in a fleeting moment. Of course, he’ll act as if he totally knew what he was doing this whole time, even though he was def freestyling 💀

I feel like calling him out on his lack of meticulous planning would be an absolute jab to his ego, and he’ll deny it big time

• Kai is the embodiment of what it means to be a pseudo-intellectual 😭😭. Like he isn’t stupid at all, no doubt about that (mans manipulated crowds). But his arrogant attitude, his shameless use of fallacies, AND the fact he’s a walking contradiction - all while trying to act like he’s the smartest guy in the room?? Bye-

Again, I think he’s smart but don’t tell me he doesn’t act like your average pseudo-intellectual guy who’d mansplain 24/7

• His tolerance to spicy food is actually weak, but he pretends like it isn’t. He could be coughing his lungs out from the tiniest hint of spice in his food, but he would refuse to drink a glass of milk to cool down. HES A MAN

• This is already kinda a given, but mans speech mannerisms is literally like the average Reddit comment section ((iykyk

I also feel like a rant he posted online has been made into a copypasta at some point lol

• Speaking of Reddit.. whenever he gets into an argument with another user on there (most likely a politically charged one), he’ll downvote every existing comment from that user and will proceed to do it to any of their future comments by keeping tabs on their account, all out of sheer spite

• He likes weird porn genres. Idk which ones exactly, but I just know they be really specific

• Says he likes submissive, obedient women whose sole existence is to serve him. But at the same time, he can’t stand people he deems as vapid, and would dispose of them once he begins to see them as more of a liability than an asset (especially if they’re just THAT annoying). He definitely would rather keep someone around who has more substance

• Kai would play devil’s advocate for any corrupt figure you could think of. He’s like… that guy

• This is also a given, but I’d like to stress that people don’t know how r/theredpill was his holy bible. The Kai we know today has applied all the must-know tips to his entire character and mastered the arts of misogyny 101

Oh and he has a bunch of motivational posts saved from there, and he rereads the crap out of them each time a “fEmAle” would piss him off

• If you knew Kai prior to his cult and were genuinely nice to him, he’d definitely have a teensy-weensy soft spot for you and would avoid killing you ((unless you end up in a situation like winter’s, cuz then…💀

You’d be like the Jean to his Patrick Bateman! 😭

[real-godzekiel]

forgot to post here OMG

continued character designs. again, more info below cut.

If you don't know Erin, go through this first! If you still can't understand, just know that it's an "ooo evil scary horror AI" character i made specifically about the interconnected fear, pain and loneliness on the internet. Erin's still silly, thank God, so don't be afraid that they're going to be too grim! Either way, Passage.EXE is not necessarily Erin, but it's one of his billions of branches. Desmond'll get it from the Huddled Inn Free Wi-Fi, Jesus Christ. It's a thing that will first only mess with Desmond's computer screen, and then spread to the game interface itself. Very much the reality-bending, manipulative, lobotomy-type shit you should expect from Erin. Erin's also ex-lovers with girl_Ghost before girl_Ghost even knew Phutredhaz. Blue shiny fuck just loves breaking the hearts of horrors beyond mankind's imagination. (any "bitter exes" joke regarding girl_Ghost is not completely canon!!!!! uh.) Gameplay-wise, you don't click the windows. Close the windows. Don't go in. Unless you're obsessed with IHNMAIMS-like hellscapes with added metaironic insanity, maybe.

Shitting Sheryl will be in the hotel girl's bathroom. You know which stall she's in, as text will appear to tell you where it stinks worst. Have friendly conversations with her. Maybe she'll give you items or drop some lore. Most likely she'll find you annoying and jumpscare you dead. Best OC I ever made.

Bookkeeper has a real name. It's. Ok, so she is a past accountant in the hotel, but now all the other clerks are gone. Now she does all the stuff, including the management of all the files, records and similar. No, she's not a head on a clump. That's an image. It does that sometimes. She's nowhere, not exactly. Sometimes in a book, sometimes on a website. Kind of fucked up in a head but relatively sane. Not a lot of power is on her hands anymore, unfortunately. She keeps records of all staff and entities on an online filing system. You can access it! Yes! (Did you know that Huddled Inn is an unabashed imitation of every horror media ever?) Unfortunately, again, she writes in a really biased manner. Lots of passive aggressive comments littered in all of the files, especially when it comes to events and staff. Entities, a little less so, since a few of the fuckers have enough power and knowledge to gain access and edit all the pages as they please. (Erin and girl_Ghost, mostly) Please don't think it's her when Nick's page description is changed to a copypasta. It's not her. Does not know how to feel about Jenny. Taunts him endlessly.

Umbras are shadow creatures made from pencil and pen drawings of children that were past guests. Intelligence is that of the average husky. Combination of wolf and deer. This concept art is as detailed as they tend to get. Usually, their appearance is even more vague and abstract. They hate the dark, but has to stay in it to survive. Usually hides in the woods. An Umbra drinks blood, and eats nothing. Quadrupedal. Likes windows. So, if it's getting dark at night remember to keep on the lights. And also keep some fresh back-up bulbs, while you're at it. They have pretty pokey limbs.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

#20: “’Simpleman’ is the most meta episode of the entire show, and you're just like a stupid old man if you don't get it!”

So a little while ago, I reviewed the episode “Simpleman”. While you can check out the review yourself to get my general thoughts on it, all you really need to know was that I really didn't like it. It was an episode built on making the characters act like idiots while teaching the lesson of making things simpler... in a show where almost every episode's conflict is resolved by a detailed plan by Ladybug.

I was actually thinking of making a joke review about it where I  have used less complicated words and crudely drawn my own fake screenshots of the episode. You know, “Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?” But of course, Astruc had to go on his latest tirade on Twitter about the episode and how amazing it is because of how simple it is.

You know, the funny thing is that this is a pretty good thread to use to use as a simple explanation Astruc's behavior online. Acting like his show is deeper than it really is? Check. Vilifying critics of his show by comparing them to an extreme (Rolland in this case, which I'll get to later), and labeling them as “haters”, a term I've never heard any adult say in my life? Check. Saying children are supposedly more open than critics because they don't criticize the show? Check. Acting like people are idiots because they don't have the exact same view he has about a topic? Check. Generally contradicting stuff he's said before in the past? CHECK. You could basically show someone this thread to explain how pretentious Astruc can be after showing them “Simpleman”.

Also, did he seriously insult people for caring about shipping when he's gone on the record to state how the plot of the show literally revolved around the Love Square FIVE MONTHS AGO. 

He's seriously calling people wrong for making the show about ships when at least a third of this season has revolved around romance, and we have proof he said it was all about the romance after a Adrienette-focused episode, which I feel I need to remind you was FIVE MONTHS AGO.

And it doesn't stop there. Astruc is just going off on anyone who didn't like the episode or didn't get how “meta” it was.

I just don't get all the effort he's putting in here. We're more than halfway through the season, and he's choosing this episode to defend as a masterpiece? Of all the good and bad episodes we've seen so far, it's this episode he thinks we're wrong for not liking?

Even the people curious enough to actually ask Astruc what exactly made the episode so “meta” were turned down and mocked for not understanding how deep it was.

Notice how he keeps labeling the episode as “meta”. According to him, we're stupid for not understanding how “meta” it is, how the stupid moments are part of the “meta”, and how it's even more “meta” than “Animaestro” was. He seriously thinks the episode is more meta than when he shoved his self-insert into the show to victimize himself and get others to feel bad for him. One of my anons actually compared his behavior here to the famous “You have to have a high IQ to understand Rick and Morty” copypasta.

Also, it's pretty funny how Astruc claims we're “twisting reality to fit our own views” when criticizing the episode. So... kind of like how he ignores any character flaws Marinette and Adrien have by insisting they're perfect, or how he ignores any signs Chloe was the victim of a poor childhood by saying she's just as bad as an abuser, slave owner, and Donald Trump. You never ignore facts presented to you and twist them to fit your views, do you, Astruc?

Some other users thankfully managed to figure out what Astruc was trying to say with this episode, saying how the kids were able to teach Rolland not to overthink things like fans did, and suddenly, that's deep.

“See, the critics—I mean Rolland were—I mean was looking too deep into my show—I mean the Ladybug and Cat Noir movie, while the kids enjoy it and don't question it, so why can't the other idiots who have different opinions do the same thing? All they care about is shipping the two characters everyone else in the show constantly says are made for each other. Why can't you get how deep making Ladybug and Cat Noir act like idiots is?”

Basically, it's another “critics can suck it” episode that Astruc claims it's something mostly people experienced in animation like him can understand the themes of. 

Oh yeah, this is obviously an episode of television that will be remembered for generations. Lucy and Ethel working in the chocolate factory while their husbands do the housework? Dr. Greene tragically failing to save the life of a pregnant woman after doing everything he can? Captain Picard being assimilated by the Borg and having to face his own crew? The people of Bikini Bottom banding together to perform at the Bubble Bowl to give Squidward a moment of triumph over his high school rival? Walter White severing all ties with his family after realizing the weight of his actions as a drug lord alienated him from them in the first place? Absolutely none of those will EVER come close to the genius of an old man using his evil powers to make everyone in the city an idiot after struggling to figure out how a laptop works.

Like I've said multiple times, we have episodes that touch on deep subjects like anxiety over the future and parental neglect, so it's clear that Astruc wants his show to be taken seriously because of how often he says it's deeper than most critics give it credit for, but now he's saying it's deep because it isn't that deep. Once again, Astruc can't pick a lane. Harvey Dent is telling him to make up his mind on how Miraculous Ladybug should be viewed.

And of course, throughout this thread, Astruc has been comparing critics of the episode to Rolland, because Astruc can't refer to his critics as other people. He has to give them labels that make them look unreasonable because they're kind of similar in some way.

“You people are just like Rolland, a stubborn man who refuses to accept any opinion except his own! Now if you excuse me, I need to explain to some people why Adrien is the greatest character ever written and Chloe is a disgrace to society who never should have been born for the 281st time.”

It's pretty rich that Astruc's comparing critics of the episode to Rolland, a grumpy old man who hates societal and technological changes, when you remember this little prick exists.

Yeah, remember XY? A caricature of what the writers probably think of the music industry is like today? A narcissistic asshole who's heavily implied to only be as successful as he is because his father is already the head of a record label, and steals music from other artists to pass off as his own? A musician who relies too much on technology to produce his music and hates rock musician Jagged Stone because of how old and supposedly out of style he is? Someone whose music Chloe is shown to enjoy, which is automatically a red flag for any character in Astruc's eyes? You're telling me this character isn't the result of a bunch of people in their forties complaining about how much modern music sucks?

Like, I know nothing about modern music, but even I think the writers are being a little narrow-minded here. I thought that kind of mentality was bad? You're not like Rolland, are you, Astruc? You've always been open to criticism, as so many posts on this blog have shown.

[iheartchoerry]

୨୧ ⌗ **ENHYPEN SMAU RECS !**✦

✿ﾟ - HEESEUNG ##!

empty mailbox 💌

✿ﾟ -JAY ##!

empty mailbox 💌

✿ﾟ -JAKE ##!

Boomerang by @amakumos ღ

description: you and jake sim have always been academic rivals. it was always you against him for top of the class, and jake is sure that you two were made to hate each other. a couple years later when you debut and become an idol, you find yourself talking to him again - but it’s in a group chat with other aussie idols, and perhaps you realise that he isn’t that insufferable.

Love 020! by @jalnandanz ღ

description: after literature major y/n gets dumped by her “husband” in an online role-playing game, the game’s top player offers her a new proposal to be his “wife”, both not knowing that they are from the same school. and did i mention that he is also the most popular guy on campus? based off the c-drama “love o2o”.

✿ﾟ -SUNGHOON ##!

You manic! by @i-kai

description: when a distressed sunghoon desires to win back his ex, he uses a strategy that’s widely used in movies and books — fake date someone to make her jealous and want him back. (un)fortunately, you happen to be the one sunghoon chose to fake date.

Call me, beep me by @wonzone ღ

description: it had only been about two weeks since your first year at hybe university had began, and you’d already taken quite the disliking to one park sunghoon in your psychology tutorial. after a long night of partying, drunk sunghoon decided it’d be a good idea to text the number some girl had given to him earlier in the night. conveniently enough, the phone number happened to belong to you… but neither of you knew that.

✿ﾟ -SUNOO ##!

Guess who? by @soobnny ღ

description: as an idol, you have a myriad of responsibilities. among these are maintaining a good image and pleasing the fans, having a stan twt acc? maybe not so much. not that you and sunoo are admitting to anything. then again, you don’t exactly expect to find each other as fan accs undercover and you equally don’t expect to start catching feelings.

Scammed by @amakumos ღ

description: after losing to your friend patrick in a game of fashion famous on roblox, your punishment is to send that one incredibly stupid and very unconvincing “scammer” copypasta using a burner account to your longtime crush - fashion major, kim sunoo. after asking for your phone number, sunoo realises that you’re his classmate from a few years ago that he sees at the cafe often, and maybe you’re the person that he’s been harbouring feelings for - despite how he cringes when he sees your mismatched socks.

✿ﾟ -JUNGWON ##!

All clear! by @amakumos ღ

description: for as long as you’ve been on jyp university’s badminton team, your team’s main rivals have been hybe university. the rivalry goes way back, and as the team captain, you’re well aware of your team’s disdain towards the hybe team - but it just so happens that you’re secretly dating hybe’s team captain, yang jungwon. and since tournament season is coming up soon, the rivalry between hybe and jyp is stronger than ever, and you and jungwon both know that if the secret got out, conflicts would arise. you’ve heard of enemies pretending to be lovers, but have you heard of lovers pretending to be enemies?

Formula of love by @amakumos ღ

description: chemistry with miss kim was known to be the worst class to every student at your school - but you don’t quite mind it, because of your deskmate yang jungwon (that you might have had just a tiny crush on). but one day, jungwon is missing from his seat - and he never returns for the rest of the school year. the next time you see his face is when a picture of him pops up on your twitter feed, and you learn that he’s now… an idol?

Earfquake! by @i-kai ღ

description: as a trainee and soon-to-debut-idol, you weren’t allowed to date. but crushing on your labelmate was inevitable. not being able to act on your feelings, you keep a diary where you pour your heart out about your crush and what you wish you could do about it. what happens when a senior finds your diary and it leads to people thinking you and your crush are dating?

Boyfriend applications by @maiwon ღ

description:you signed up for the vice president position in decelis academy as a joke, but the joke quickly faded when they announced you as the vice president. you decided to make an application and post it on your twitter account because you were tired of not having a love life outside of school. but what if the president of the student council sends you his application?

Mc enemiez! by @246sn ღ

description: despite jungwon being a #humble leader, he was kinda salty about the fact that his almighty title of the “youngest leader in k-pop” has been taken by blackpink’s brand new juniors. the world goes against jungwon’s wishes in staying as far away from her as possible when they both end up being the new mcs for ‘the show’.

The language of flowers by @soobnny ღ

description: jungwon’s just every bit in love with the student council president who keeps visiting his flowershop OR in which you find solace in a flowershop, and its owner’s grandson finds solace in you.

Fiesta! by @lunaflvms ღ

description: Jungwon has always admired you from a distance, watching you practice dancing in the hybe practice rooms, purposely trying to bump into you while wondering around the hybe building and also leaving nice notes for you to find. When you debut in a group, being Enhypen’s younger group, it’s Jungwon’s perfect opportunity to get to know you better but one day he gets into a dating scandal with your best friend. Which leads to you trying to get both of them together, what will he do now?

Mystery player by @odxrilove ღ

description: life is unfair, that’s what yn tells herself everytime her extremely bad wifi throws her out of the server in the middle of a game. but when she gets disconnected, once again, while playing with the best game-buddy she has ever had, yn is ready to flip the universe off. enraged about the loss of her unknown game-buddy, yn throws her frustration out on twitter in a long thread, recalling every little moment that happened during the four hours of playing with her “soulmate” (yn’s words). unfortunately, the long thread suddenly finds it’s way onto her public twitter and not her private. what a shame that she only realizes it once the notifications start flooding in.

Get it together Jungwon‼️ by @choibinn3 ღ

description: in which jungwon had meant for that love letter to go to yeri, and not you—her bff. for some reason though, he finds that with each moment he spends together with you he’s closer and closer to forgetting all about that damn letter.

✿ﾟ -NIKI ##!

Breaking me in two by @emeraldenha ღ

description: after all your years of pining for your best friend, Yang Jungwon, you suddenly catch him with his secret girlfriend… which happens to be your other best friend. deciding to forgive and forget, you heartbrokenly cut all ties and fall back into your habits of self isolation. however, that doesn’t go as planned when Nishimura Riki approaches you with an almost-confession and a stolen keychain.

Shoot! by @amakumos ღ

description: number one rule of having online friends: don’t fall in love with them. but after one year of being friends with cheolsoo, someone you met while playing co-op with in genshin, the little fluttering feeling in your stomach every time he texts you is too hard to ignore. so, after a year of talking and being friends, you and cheolsoo finally decide to meet - but then you realise that “cheolsoo” is actually nishimura riki, a famous kpop idol. so now, you have to deal with having the fattest crush on someone you basically don’t even know. shoot.

Happy sad songs by @zzwnki ღ

description: cho daeun and nishimura riki have been best friends ever since his parents opened up a dance studio next to her parents’ antique shop when the kids were seven. the two were practically attached at the hip until the two years she travelled abroad for a school program. when daeun returned with no contact from riki for over a year, she was surprised to find out he debuted in a group called enhypen and he never told her.

Wish list! by @lunaflvms ღ

description: having a famous idol brother had its pros and cons, the pros? well you kind of get second hand fame if you ever go public on social media. the cons? well your annoying brother always tries to set you up with his members, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he didn’t keep trying to set you up with his groups maknae nishimura riki who you once met and had accidentally spilled coffee on you and then told you to suck it up.

Crash and burn by @sieuneo ღ

description: when you dropped your phone at the skatepark, you were absolutely devastated. after tracing your phone a couple days later, leading to an awkward encounter with a boy your age, you realized that maybe it was just a happy mistake.

Bully from nowhere by @reniqt ღ

description: middle school years were difficult for you. After you finally moved away from your supposedly old bully, an unexpected surprise begans to follow

NOTE ##¿ Oml guys I'm sorry this is not perfect lol, I'm doing this instead my homework and it's taking hella long for no reason slay 😜 N e ways I'll fix it later cause I still have a bunch more smaus to share with u guys, bye!!! (Updating this later prob)

[dalekofchaos]

Rey’s lack of motivation and stake in the Sequel Trilogy

I have a question to ask you. What are Rey’s motivations? What are her wants and goals and why is she even drawn to the conflict between The First Order and The Resistance?

Rey’s motivations in the Sequels.

Rey wants to find her parents.

Wants to bring back Luke Skywalker

Rey wants to find her place 

Wants Ben to return to the light

Has no real motivation to be on either side of the conflict, but chooses The Resistance anyway

Says she wants to kill Palpatine in cold blood, was close to giving in

Now she chose to fuck off to Tatooine and we see very little in her motivation to do....ANYTHING

Let’s compare Anakin and Luke’s motivations.

What are Anakin's motivations?

Wants to leave a life of slavery and come back and free his mother

Wants to become a Jedi and become a hero

Wants to protect Padme

Wants to save Obi-Wan

Wants to stop Dooku and end the war before it can begin

Wants to be a good master to Ahsoka

Wants to clear Ahsoka’s name

Wants to stop the war

Wants to save Padme and his children's lives at the cost of the Jedi and doing whatever it takes and becomes Darth Vader

What are Luke’s motivations?

Luke is a farm boy who dreams of leaving his mundane life.

Luke discovers that his father -unlike what his uncle told him, was a heroic Jedi Knight

Luke, is reluctant and refuses the ‘call to adventure’, but after the Empire murders his Aunt and Uncle, he decides to Join Obi-Wan on the quest.

Save the Princess

Luke is angered by Obi-Wan’s death at the hands of Darth Vader, and seeks retribution.

Destroy the Death Star and save the Rebellion

To be trained by Yoda

Save Han and Leia

Luke discovers his father, the heroic Jedi, is none other than Darth Vader. After years of training, he sets out to redeem his father and turn him back to the light.

After the redemption of his father and fall of the Empire, Luke goes on a journey to restore The Jedi Order

Compare Rey and Luke’s journeys in ANH and TFA. Rey wanders around and stuff is handed to her. Luke takes initiative and works for what he has. Let's compare ANH with TFA

Luke screws up on watching R2, then chooses to chase him down. He makes another mistake by spying on the Tusken Raiders instead of getting the hell out of dodge. This leads to him being knocked out, and rescued by Ben Kenobi.

Luke initiates the meeting with Ben Kenobi, and it happens because of his early bad decisions.

His aunt & uncle are killed, but thanks to his screw-up with R2 & the raiders, he and the droids are spared.

He chooses to follow Kenobi to Alderaan instead of staying on Tattooine.

He chooses to accept Kenobi's instruction in the ways of the Force, even though most people think it's a myth and a joke. Even though he's bad at it and doesn't seem to get any results at first.

He makes the decision that they're going to rescue Leia, potentially dooming their escape from the Death Star. This sets off a chain of events that leads to Kenobi's death.

Then he chooses to help fight the Death Star, even though he's not a member of the rebellion. He was offered a job with Han, and he could have ensured his safety by leaving with them. Instead he chose certain death.

Finally, he chooses to trust a literal voice in his head instead of the targeting computer.

Let's contrast that with Rey.

BB-8 runs into her. She tries to send him away, but relents and lets him follow her home.

She chooses not to sell him for food.

Finn wanders into camp on his own initiative.

The camp is attacked because BB-8 is there. The camp would have been attacked no matter what Rey did. The other scavenger was, I'm pretty sure, from the same camp. And if she'd sold him, BB-8 would also have still been in the camp.

She is forced to take the Millennium Falcon when the ship she wanted to use was blown up.

She chooses to go with Finn and bring BB-8 to the Rebellion Resistance.

She stumbles upon Luke's lightsaber, and runs away from it.

She accidentally runs into Kylo Ren while hiding in the forest.

He chooses to kidnap her because he senses something special about her.

After her first exposure to the Force, she learns how to use some of it, successfully, and escapes from Ren. And to her credit, escaping and trying the Force out is a choice she made, rather than something that passively happened to her.

Then she, um, is standing there when Han is killed.

She chooses to fight Kylo Ren, and beats him in her first lightsaber battle after closing her eyes and thinking about the Force.

She sort of chooses to go summon Luke back to civilization - I say sort of because it's not clear why she was picked to go over, say, Leia.

Luke makes mistakes, and he is an active participant in his story. Rey is just kind of there, most of the time. She doesn't make mistakes, but she doesn't really do much else.

Rey has no personal stake in this war or motivations and she’s supposed to be the main protagonist.

Rey has never left Jakku before TFA and she tells Han that ”she never knew so much green existed” when they go to Maz’s castle.

In other words Rey must have had very limited knowledge of the world outside of Jakku and all she has heard from it are stories.

Rey who barely knows anything about the rest of the galaxy, to the point that she didn’t even know that forests existed what exactly is her personal stake in the current galactic conflict?

In TFA we saw The New Republic’s capital systems blown up by Starkiller Base and we never saw a reaction from Rey. We do see Finn and Han’s reactions. Also worth noting about Rey is that if she was unconscious throughout her involuntary travel to the Starkiller Base she was never actually aware of the Starkiller Base until just before Han, Finn and Chewie started planting the explosions in order to sabotage it.

Luke, while he had no personal attachments to Aldeeran did actually get to see the horrible aftermaths of it’s destruction.

But Rey was barely affected by the destruction of the Capital systems. Most characters were not as affected as they should have been in my opinion but we didn’t even get to see her have an emotional reaction to it.

This was probably the greatest genocide in Star Wars history and our main heroine is unaffected by it? Finn has a reaction to it and he’s supposedly NOT the main protagonist?

Rey really has no reason to care about the state of the galaxy. She only seems to care if people she knows are in danger.

The fact that she is supposed to be our main hero of this trilogy when she has next to no personal stakes in the well-being of the rest of the galaxy feels wrong to me.

Finn actually has stakes in this conflict since the FO took his family and childhood away from him and Poe has stakes because he actually lives in the New Republic and doesn’t want it to be under FO’s rule. Yet neither Finn nor Poe are considered the main protagonist? But oh wait, I forgot we can’t have a black or Latino man be the leading protagonist in Star Wars

The more I think about it is Rey has no goals or agency as a protagonist. She’s just whatever the plot demands her to be. Rey doesn’t actively take the initiative and make decisions, and simply react to the world around her. There is never a reason given as to why she wants to be a Jedi. Sure, she’s heard the stories about them, but she doesn’t dream to be one like Anakin, and the writers are so obsessed over her parents that they never develop any other motivation besides that. She has to be strung along the story so she can take part in it, hence she is repeatedly chased and kidnapped throughout TFA to get her to the Resistance where she decides to find Luke because she has nowhere else to go. Part of the reason she doesn’t even train with Luke is because she has no reason to, as she’s just supposed to find him. Rey joins the fight simply in reaction to learning that Luke is responsible for Ben’s fall. She’s only ever a Jedi and a member of the Resistance out of necessity- she has no where left to go and has to fight in self defense- so they try hamfist in some motives that she needs to stop herself from becoming like Palpatine but there is no tension as it’s the final act. By the end of the trilogy it’s not even clear if the Jedi Order will return because Rey never seems to want to be one and we can only assume they will return for meta reasons- because the audience knows the ST is a copypasta of the OT.

What exactly was Rey’s motivation for getting involved in the Galactic conflict before TROS? Luke was told that his father was killed by Darth Vader and later his family gets murdered by the empire so he had personal stakes to get involved in the conflict.

Anakin was a Jedi and had lived in the Republic for ten years by the time of the Clone Wars begun so he had personal reasons to get involved in the conflict.

Rey meanwhile grew up so isolated of Jakku that she had no idea forests existed and she didn’t lose anything and the FO attacked her on Jakku. In fact she wanted to return to Jakku after she had dumped BB-8 with the Resistance. Her primary motivation in TFA was to reunite with her family but the movie never establish that her family’s absence was connected to the galactic conflict in any way.

That connection isn’t established until TROS so what was her motivation until than? The Death of Han? A guy she had known for two hours? Finn? A guy she also had maybe only knew for about two hours total by the time of their hug in TLJ? Also she seemed to have completely forgotten about Finn by the time she want on a quest to redeem the guy that has far as she should have known by that point was still in a coma with his spine permanently damaged because of Kylo.

Rey’s motivation seems to either be finding her family or her dealing with her existential crisis neither had much of a connection with the galactic conflict until TROS

[reimahowaido]

Metroid Other M - rewrite

Ayoooo gotta love having to write stuff twice because of how messy tumblr is But but. in my inactivity, I bring you. Myself writing a way too long comment somewhere once again - because I seem to love doing that So here we have my personal take in Metroid Other M’s story and how I think the plot could be improved. It’s not a full rewriting, just more of a take on Samus & Adam’s characters Enjoy or suffer, hopefully it’s not that bad (can’t be worse than actual Other M, right?) Personal Copypasta, Go!

Honestly, that'd definitely be something. Samus' whole thing (if you try to make any sense of it, good lord) in Other M is that she wants to show that she has improved and gotten a lot better. She doesn't know why or how but she just has this feeling of wanting to do good, prove herself and show off a little in Other M But it's all written like crap Better way of doing it would be (to cut out all the monologue. We can see it ourself, game) to have her arrive, offer to help, get looks of doubt from the other soldiers and dismiss them because honestly they don't know just how much they need her. Adam doesn't comment since he knows how capable she is, but he always has this 'I don't want more trouble to come her way, she's always been through so much' so it'd be conflicting. In one hand she could be of great help, but in the other this mission is fairly dangerous, should be kept closed to only the Federation (Samus getting to know about the Metroid cloning etc. bio-weapons is going to make her less willing  to work for them in the future - but then again, throughout the game Adam would perhaps realize that maybe he should be more transparent with her. She'll find out sooner rather than later that a part of the Federation isn't exactly great) and while Samus can most likely handle herself and he should worry more for his own men, he can't help caring about her physical and mental well-being. {This is very much how Adam is in the manga, he trusts Samus is capable, but he really doesn't want for her to suffer, not any more than she needs to, or at all if possible} {Which makes the whole Ice Beam scene SO STUPID. Use an enhanced Stun Gun or something instead. The Federation knows how strong Samus is, makes sense they'd start developing all sorts of different weapons, so why not one that can shortcirquit a Power Suit for a short bit. This way she can't be hurt by outside sources, but she also won't be able to follow him on his suicide mission until she'd recover and by that point it'd be too late. The whole sequence with the Zero Suit there i just.... So dumb. I get it, you like fanservice, but this is not the way and you're making a character go OOC in order to get that fanservice. It's not good} So that's Adam's bit Samus in the other hand She'd possibly butt heads with Adam at the start. She's willing to aid and does so out of her own free will regardless of the request for aid. But she reminds Adam that she's independent and works by her own rules. The two of them negotiate over the abilities and items she can use - this is to ensure the safety of others. Adam will brief her on the situation at hand, remind her that while she works alone she's not on a solo mission this time, so Power Bombs are a no go. Samus agrees that she'll try using minimal gear (she's confident she can do it and manage just fine) But if she sees that a situation requires an additional power-up, she'll authorize it Herself. The communications with Adam work just fine so she should be able to just give him a call at any point and go "Adam I'm reactivating the Ice Beam, there's an obstacle on my way and I see no other way around it." and with or without Adam's go-ahead she'll do just that. There'd be specific points in the game where she'd encounter these obstacles, so you wouldn't just be able to go 'haha everything right now' you'd actually have to get to that point (this is to make the game enjoyable and function like a Metroid game does, slowly getting stronger) Of course, with this she might just get a little Too confident. She might do a few things that aren't so good. Sure she'll show that she's capable, she'll succesfully complete a handful of tasks, making the other soldiers trust her and see that yeah she's pretty darn great. But with that strange urge to show just how much she has improved, she gets over her head and does something stupid or goes against an order Adam gave (this could be the Varia Suit Hellrun section where she's like "Meh, I can handle this without the Varia Suit" and Adam has to verbally get it in her that she doesn't need to try and impress him or anyone else, and that they'd prefer her alive rather than toasted. This would start a bit of a heating up in their relations as Samus rebels intentionally and thinks before she acts (no she's not stupid, she's just getting a bit over her head at the moment) - OR alternately, she does equip the Varia Suit at the appropriate time, and then the thorn in their relations comes at some other point. Perhaps she accidentally does something that harms all of them, like she goes in a room she was told not to go in, fights Nightmare and the gravity control affects the whole ship. Perhaps she accidentally almost shoots one of the soldiers (Like Keiji aka K.G., give that dude some more screentime than 2 lines) because of some enemy. A handful of things just don't go her way and when she meets MB she's like 'I'll show him, I'll show him just how good I am'. But later she'll realize that she wasn't thinking straight at that point anymore and perhaps regrets being so impulsive and letting it all get to her. She could have this talk with Adam once they meet again, just have a nice casual chat. Samus admits her things, Adam mentions just how much she has grown and probably actually tells her how proud he is of who she's become. He always worried she'd forget to let herself live and not take herself and well-being into account. She's a warrior, yes, but she shouldn't be afraid to be human too. He apologizes for perhaps being too harsh with his comments earlier, both of them just go 'nah you fine' to each others remarks about each other. And with this, the sacrifice becomes even sadder, because here you're seeing how close and understanding of each other they really are. Adam shooting to stun Samus comes into play still, they've been talking during the most of it. But he still has to go on the suicide mission, makes a remark on how he can't fight Ridley or really save anyone, unlike Samus who has done it many times, but he'll not allow her to go sacrificing herself here (and that's why he stunned her, so she wouldn't follow). After this Samus is of course distraught, but allows herself a moment of weakness, some time to get a hold of herself and figures she'll sort herself further once the mission is completed. For now she'll go forth with intention, plan her moves better and not let her emotions get the better of her. Efficient, wraps up her character growth very nicely etc. And boom Massive improvement (Now, on another subject, I don't have as Huge of a dislike at Adam as I do at Anthony. He calls her Princess which to me is quite insulting (Lady is powerful, Princess means whiny, high and mighty, has to be saved, etc.) and they make Anthony save Samus several times. I like his humorous mannerism and ethnicity representation, but that's not enough to make me like him because of the other things. Instead, I'd have him start of just the same, Samus doesn't bat an eye at the 'Princess' comment, and then has to save Anthony several times. The middle Ridley bit, she saves Him and gets herself in that visor view scene - but manages to fend off the clone on her own. Anthony has to apologize for that. Then later on she saves him again, Anthony makes a humorous comment on how he might have to soon start calling himself 'Princess'. Then with the Ridley fight, boom, Anthony is in trouble again, but this time Samus is seemingly too late to save him. She's not afraid of Ridley (seriously, she's fought him and won so many times, she already had her PTSD and got over it in the manga, it's redundant in Other M) and now more pissed off than ever, beats the crap out of him. Anthony will then later return when the other Federation people get to the scene, and in that way kinda 'saves' Samus. Not in combat (because she really needs no help there) but in negotiation and solidifying that Adam's group really was there and were there to complete their own mission and that's what they shall do now etc. etc. Anthony in this way wasn't useless (if he needs to save someone, have it be one of the other soldiers) and isn't diminishing Samus' character or insulting her. He also gets a nice character arc like this)

[grayfilmsandstuff]

Hey there friendo! Could I get a funky madcom matchup? I'm fine with whoever (๑¯∇¯๑) This is also gonna be hella disjointed, so I apologize in advance (╥w╥)

I'm 4'11 with super dark brown eyes and hair and a baby face; most people always think  I'm much younger than I actually am (I'm 20, but just look like a forever teen I guess) I've got dreadlocks that go a little past mid back, freckles, beauty marks and light patches all over my body (not sure if its vitiligo or not), and I wear prescription sports goggles instead of normal glasses since the straps make me less likely to lose them, and Im accidentally rough on stuff sometimes

Agender, aroace with leaning for gender neutral and neopronouns, but i dont really care much in the end ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've got a metric shit-ton of mental illness, so my mental state is Wack™, tho I'll point out my ADHD and Autism since those are my most prominent. Paradoxical is the best word to describe me cuz I can range from feral gremlin memelord to so-quiet-you-forget-Im-there (I accidentally scare people alot cuz of this). Relatively apathetic emotionally, and I can sometimes struggle with social cues, I'm also very childish, hyperactive and immature, and can be blunt and straight forward with my words. I have a trash sense of humor (I'll basically laugh at anything), tho I do enjoy dark, self-deprecating, and/or inappropriate jokes the most. Since most people see me as "ignorant baby", I like fucking with them by just saying the weirdest shit or casually cursing because I can. Honestly, the amount of memes, shitposts, and copypastas that I've memorized just for the sake of a joke, is amazing.

I'm academically smart to a degree, with a leaning towards the sciences, maths, and engineering. Mostly a big psychology and astronomy nerd and really big into art. I've gotta bunch of sketchbooks and folders full of drawings, (mostly character designs), from over the years and too many damn color pencils (that I will continue to add on too, because fuck yeah colors). I'm really into transformers, comics, anime, video games, and true crime. I like to lift weights and have questionable eating habits (forgetting to eat is a problem of mine so I always have snacks on me, and I tend to eat things I really shouldnt; Ex. Chalk) and basically eat like a famine survivor when it comes to food. I practically inhale my food and I tend to get aggressive if someone tries to interact with me while I'm eating or cooking. All and all tho, I'm mostly here to vibe and just live in the moment.

I have a lot of cat-like habits and tend to headbutt, rub up against, and bite and/or lick people who I like; walk on my toes alot; and prefer small spaces over wide open ones. I'm also really flexible, so it's not odd to causally find me weird ass positions. Gets the nyoomies randomly and struggles with volume control (not helped by me being slightly hard at hearing), so I'll usually pace around while talking and making random noises (echolocalia basically, and I'll mostly beep, meow, trill, make Kirby noises "poyo!", etc.,), and also hand flappy! I also like to sing to myself and have a really great range (mostly on the higher end of the spectrum), as well as decent voice acting capabilities! I mirror things alot, so if I interact with someone long enough, I'll subconsciously start mimicking them and their habits (mostly verbal quirks and accents, but physical quirks too sometimes). Very much prefer hot and humid weather and get real tried/hibernate when it gets colder. For that reason, I've got a huge nest of soft blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals.

i.. . .this was so long.. . .. i love you thank you for sending in a request but note for people in the future please don't make your requests this long it makes it rough on me

this is a good example of the longest request i'll take and this is a good example of the shortest use this to your advantage

i match you wiiiiiith...

Hank!

- Hank isn't sure where you came from but he returned to the bunker with you one day and after the shock factor was over, everyone accepted it and welcomed you in

- they really like your goggles, sometimes they'll point to their own and then point to you, saying that you were matching :}

- he's got a wack mental state too, so he understands a lot of what you're going through and helps you with social cues from the other three, and just is there in general to help out

- you also help them if they feel like they need to lean onto you for comfort or help

- he actually thinks your bluntness is helpful because he's the kind of person is mostly oblivious and doesn't understand what you're saying unless you say it directly and say exactly what you mean

- they love making you laugh at the silliest things. if makes them really happy knowing that they can make you smile or laugh no matter what the circumstances are

- a lot of the time when you say a meme or a copypasta in front of him he won't understand and will ask you what it means

- "one bad gloop and she do what i yoinky two big splurgs and a big gloopy three more yoinks, then i buy me a smoothie poured up a gloop, that's a gloop and a splurgy"

- "...i'm sorry what"

- they really look up to how smart you are and it fascinates them when you'll just ramble about a topic because they know that means you're really interested in it

- you love drawing and a lot of the time you give your assorted doodles to Hank. he loves and cherishes them because what the heck how are you so talented??

- they get onto you for eating things you shouldn't. they want you be happy and healthy, not just the former

- he also enjoys watching you cook whenever you do! he tries his best to help but the big guy has no idea how you do it

- they LOVE your cat-like habits. they love cats. period. any time you'll meow or rub up against them they just melt entirely

- the first time you picked up on something he said and started mimicking it, his initial reaction was :O but it grew more into a :D

thanks for the request! i tried to keep it short with all that you provided me, have a good day my friend

[elsa-should-be-arrested]

Frozen 2 Pitchmeeting copypasta by Anonymous

>"So anyway Elsa, Anna, and Olaf are walking along to find the mysterious voice when they suddenly come across a shipwreck that turns out to be the same one from Iduna and Agnarr's final voyage!" >"Oh, wow." >"Yeah, it turns out they didn't go to the South Sea like Elsa and Anna thought, they really went to the Dark Sea, which is right next to the forest." >"So this scene takes place on a beach?" >"Oh, no, they're still in the middle of the woods." >"What?" >"Yeah, the beach doesn't come into it until later." >"How did their parents' ship sink in the middle of the forest?" >"Unclear." >"Did the area used to be part of the ocean but the water has since receded?" >"Oh no, there are decades-old trees everywhere and the ocean can't even be seen on the horizon." >"Did the Spirits throw the ship clear from the ocean into the middle of the forest?" >"I mean they probably could do that but I don't see why they would instead of just letting the ship sink to the ocean floor like we saw in the first movie." >"I just feel like this raises so many questions that could've been easily avoided if the scene just took place on a beach." >"Yeah, probably. So anyway the three of them run into the ship and look around to see if they can find an explanation as to why it's here in the forest instead of the South Sea like they said they were and find a map that mentions Ahtohallan." >"Gesundheit." >"No, sir, Ahtohallan is the name of the magic glacier that Iduna used to tell Anna and Elsa about when they were kids, and she thought it might have had something to do with Elsa's powers, if it even existed at all." >"That's an interesting theory. I just hope Elsa doesn't put all her eggs in one basket and immediately decide Ahtohallan is the key to everything because there's no concrete connection to her powers, and even her mother wasn't entirely--" >"And so Elsa immediately decides Ahtohallan is the key to everything!" >"Of course." >"But then she remembers Olaf's 'water has memory' thing from earlier in the movie and so she decides to use her water memory restoration powers to witness their parents' dying moments." >"Wait, what? Elsa has water memory restoration powers? I thought she just controlled ice and snow." >"Well, sir, as you know, ice and snow are just forms of water." >"Yes, but doesn't this movie's mythology treat water and ice as two completely separate elements? And if she can control water why hasn't she ever done it before? And even if she can use water to recreate past memories how would she even know how to do that? Wouldn't she need to train under some sort of magic ice Enchanted Forest Yoda or something?" >"Sir, I need a reason for Elsa to get really sad really fast, so I'd like you to get all the way off my back about Elsa's new water powers that will never be mentioned again." >"Fair enough." >"So anyway Elsa is able to recreate her parents' dying moments in which they embrace each other in the face of a really violent, terrifying death and call out Elsa's name." >"Not Anna's name, who is also their daughter and is watching this whole thing next to Elsa?" >"Nope, not at all, sir." >"Iduna and Agnarr couldn't put in the time or effort to think about both of their daughters as they were dying?" >"Nope! They even say Elsa's name multiple times, so it's not like they didn't have the chance." >"Wow, I guess the girls know who the favorite was." >"It is pretty rude, I will agree." >"Very rude dying parents!" >"So anyway, the sight of their parents dying horrifically makes Elsa really upset." >"I don't know what else she was expecting." >"She runs out of the ship, so Anna tries to comfort her by telling her she'll never abandon Elsa and she believes in her and her magic is awesome and that Elsa was a gift from Heaven above to bless their parents with basically just the most perfect child possible and that she'll always support Elsa in anything she does and that she loves Elsa with all her heart and together they're going to solve this mystery and save their kingdom. And Elsa thanks her." >"Aww, how sweet and heartfelt!" >"By throwing her down a hill." >"What." >"Yeah, Elsa's worried that the rest of the journey may be too perilous for Anna and Olaf so she summons an ice canoe around them and then sends the thing just... careening down a hillside at roughly fifty miles an hour." >"Oh my God." >"Yeah, it's pretty much an ice rocket, just shooting past trees and rocks left and right." >"Elsa wanted to keep Anna safe by trapping her in a murder rocket made out of material famous for people slipping on it and shooting it into a forest full of rocks and trees and cliffs and supernatural monsters that Elsa is in no way familiar with?" >"She had to. There was still one Spirit left to deal with and the Dark Sea can be very dangerous." >"Hasn't Elsa kicked the ass of every Spirit she's come across so far? And isn't she capable of freezing large bodies of water as we saw in the first movie?" >"She has and is, yes." >"And isn't she capable of creating life, so she could just make like a huge eagle or dragon or something big enough to fly herself, Anna, and Olaf harmlessly across the Dark Sea?" >"She most definitely could." >"So why does she need to kick Anna down a hill in order to continue the mission?" >"Because I want her to fight a horsey." >"Excuse me?" >"I want Elsa to fight a horsey and I don't want Anna just standing there watching and making it weird." >"I mean you don't have to have her just standing there watching, you could involve her. Make it a really cool fight scene where the sisters work together and show teamwork and it could be a really cool, inspiring, empowering moment where they unite against a powerful enemy and overcome it and--" >"Don't be silly, sir. Two women can't fight a horsey. That's just crazy talk!" >"I just feel like Elsa kicking Anna down a hill because a fantasy quest adventure is dangerous is sort of really harshly unnecessary and also sort of undermines the whole 'stronger together' thing we've been selling for the last six years." >"CRAZY TALK, I SAY!" >"I mean I guess so." >"Crazy movie producer." >"So tell me about this horsey fight, how does it go?" >"Well at first Elsa tries to run across the Dark Sea but she keeps getting hit by waves and sent deep into the water." >"The ice sorceress capable of freezing large bodies of water tries physically running across a stormy sea?" >"She does, sir, yes. And then one time when she's underwater she gets attacked by the Water Spirit, which is a kelpie named Nokk." >"The Water Spirit is seaweed?" >"No, sir, a kelpie is a beast from Celtic mythology. It's basically a horse made of water and it controls the sea." >"Oh, wow." >"And it killed Iduna and Agnarr." >"Whoa, what?" >"I mean it's pretty obvious since this is where they died and it's guarded by a supernatural sea monster that intentionally makes the ocean all stormy and dangerous, which is what killed them." >"That sounds pretty intense. So is Elsa gonna get some some sweet karmic justice on Nokk for killing her parents?" >"Oh, no. Well, not intentionally, at least." >"What do you mean?" >"Well like I said, it's pretty obvious if you think about it, but we're not gonna make a thing out of it. In fact we're not even gonna acknowledge it at all." >"Elsa's going to engage in mortal combat with her parents' murderer and she's not even going to realize it?" >"That's right sir, yes." >"Seems like a weird way to take that potentially massive plot point." >"To be honest, sir, I wanted to make more of a deal out of it but I honestly couldn't think of a way to... write it good." >"I guess it is better to write nothing than to write something disappointing and stupid." >"Exactly!" >"So how about the fight itself? How does Elsa versus Nokk go down?" >"Well Nokk can dissolve and become the water all around Elsa and if she freezes him he can just immediately unfreeze himself and he's just really strong. Basically imagine how dangerous a normal wild horse is, but then also factor in drowning, a shark attack, and a homing torpedo." >"Oh my God, Nokk sounds borderline invincible. Is it gonna be hard for Elsa to beat him?" >"Actually, it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience!" >"How so?" >"Well at one point during the fight Elsa just... rides him." >"Just... rides him?" >"Yep. After getting the everloving snow beaten out of her for ten minutes Elsa gets the idea to hop onto Nokk's back and ride him around shouting 'yee-hah!'" >"The ancient supernatural being who controls the seas themselves is defeated because the woman who must weigh barely over 100 pounds asks for a pony ride?" >"That's right sir, yes." >"I guess that makes sense."

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2019

The last list, for now. It’s been a wild ride.

Not the best of these lists, but some really refreshing stuff charted that year, and what was good was super good. And also, here’s a barely elligible #1 that nobody seemed to care about for some reason.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

In 2019, my finger was fixed, I dropkicked depression in the garbage bin (with a little help from Eurovision because it was super good and full of hilarious shit), got married, and went on a roadtrip on Vancouver Island (BC, Canada), and that was my first real travel in 13 years. Met a lot of great people, seen amazing places, trees, bears and whales. And planes are also part of the adventure when you’re not used to them (you can watch movies on little screens from your seat now?? I had no idea. I watched so many movies). It was very exciting.

I also saw VNV Nation live in February, for the third time in six years. This time I had enough budget to buy a tshirt. I wasn’t expecting that concert to be even better than the previous two. At that point the new album had only been out for a couple of months and we still knew the lyrics of most of the new songs and Ronan’s face was constantly broadcasting a kind of “...........how” expression (face it guys, we like you. A lot). And they finished with All Of Our Sins and let me tell you, half the club was ready to start a revolution by the time that was over. Super intense.

Ok. 2019 albums! First, let’s talk about some negative things. Coldplay released Everyday Life at the end of the year. It was... uh. It was basically how I stopped loving their new stuff. That’s a very sad conclusion (for now) to this saga. This is exactly what I feared would have happened after Viva La Vida, aka them trying to go back to their earlier sound - except in the meantime we’ve got three fantastic albums with songs full of energy and joy. So I’m not too mad about this, just disappointed.

Within Temptation released Resist, and it wasn’t very good either, but I appreciated the general aesthetic of it. More SF-themed albums in symphonic metal, please. NF released The Search and while I’m still not a fan there’s a song on it that would have been #1 on this list if it had been elligible, so that’s something. And Carly Rae Jepsen released Dedicated and it was super good so why isn’t she getting new hits. Why. It feels unfair. Oh, and Avantasia made Moonglow and that’s the first time I’ve cared about their stuff in like a decade or so. Ghost In The Moon is super good, check it out.

But the big event of the year music-wise, as far as I’m concerned, was the return of two bands I thought we had lost forever. Of course My Chemical Romance reformed, but they don’t have new music yet, so the main event for this post is the return of Tool with Fear Inoculum. It’s not even their best album, but having a pretty good new Tool album in the year of our lord 2019 wasn’t at all something I was counting on. Of course, the hardcore fans are still as insufferable as ever (insert the “you need a pretty high IQ” copypasta here), but it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of it. Come on! Their first album in 13 years! 80 minutes of hypnotic heavy rhythms and weird shit, an album that trolled me when I opened it by playing a music video while I was looking somewhere else (yeah I jumped), and they even managed to land a track for one week on the US hot 100! Again, Tool! On the hot 100! in 2019! Unbelievable. Are we starting to return to the good timeline? I certainly hope so.

Unelligible songs, now. The Search by NF would have topped this list super easily. Might be one of the songs I listened to the most in 2019, actually. Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen, again, should have been a hit, and I beg you to watch this music video if you’ve never seen it. The 1975 released the super unexpected People, which was still good, and also Frail State of Mind. And most unexpected of all, three artists I didn’t care about at all teamed up and made absolute gold: I Think I’m OKAY, by Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD and Travis Barker. That would have been the second slot on this list if it had been elligible. Or maybe the first, even? Not sure. I’m just so happy this kind of angry but uplifting music is starting to become popular again. I just love everything about this song.

Here’s a short list of honorable mentions!

Roi (Bilal Hassani) - I don’t like this song a lot, but I do like it, I’m glad it was our song for the ESC 2019, and Bilal is a very nice and endearing person, and everyone who disrespects him on twitter is free to come fight me in the pit, where I’m still waiting with that tambourine from my 1992 list.

Con Calma (Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry, Snow) - You already know I liked the original Informer a lot, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased to hear this clone of it on the radio.

Breathin’ (Ariana Grande) - Here’s the usual “if I had better taste this would be higher” honorable mention.

Summer Days (Martin Garrix) - In the absence of any new hit song from Macklemore this will do in a pinch.

Circles (Post Malone) - The fact that everyone seems to adore this and I’m over there saying “it’s ok I guess” probably means I will never love Post Malone nor understand the hype about him, and that’s okay, I can live with that.

High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco) - Still elligible. Still good but too borderline annoying to make the list.

How Do You Sleep (Sam Smith) - This year Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I’m LIVING FOR THIS. I certainly hope they continue in that direction.

And now, the list.

10 - La Grenade (Clara Luciani)

US: Not on the list / FR: #55

The only semi-filler on the list. I still like it a lot. Don’t have anything to say about it, though.

9 - Panini (Lil Nas X)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

Wasn’t too impressed by this at first and it took a while to grow on me, but the chorus is a nice little earworm, and “hey panini, don’t you be a meanie” has a tendency to pop in my head when I read hateful comments on the internet now. And Lil Nas X is just too endearing to be ignored. We’re so lucky to have someone who became famous so quickly and instantly decided to dress like a Jojo character and have the geekiest music videos possible and still be super nice and humble. We don’t deserve this guy.

8 - Dance Monkey (Tones And I)

US: Not on the list / FR: #6

I’m super glad the US are finally getting on the hype train in 2020 because this is a ton of fun. If the voice was juuuuuust a little less grating this would be even higher. Impossible to get it out of your head and somehow in this case that’s a good thing.

7 - Dancing With a Stranger (Sam Smith & Normani)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

As I said in the honorable mentions, Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I couldn’t be happier about that. This song is still a bit too calm for my taste most of the time, but when I’m in the right mood, it’s just fantastic.

Again, I hope Sam Smith continues in that direction, because if you had told me a couple of years ago that I would start to like their stuff one day, I would have laughed out loud.

6 - Bad Guy (Billie Eilish)

US: #4 / FR: #16

Duh.

I’m not as enthusiastic about When The Party’s Over as a ton of people are, mostly because, well, it’s a slow emotional song with little to no colour in it and by now you’re already aware I tend to have next to zero interest in that kind of songs. Bad Guy, on the other hand, is half hilarious half scary in equal doses, and even if I’m not super fond of the weird outro, it’s still a fantastic, weird as shit song, and I’m really glad Billie Eilish exists. Can’t wait to see where she goes from there.

I’m super glad this song didn’t come out when I was a teenager myself though. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I would have survived if the musical landscape from 16 years ago had been as depressed as it currently is. Thank god music is slowly getting more energetic again in 2020. Let’s stay on that track.

5 - Hey Look Ma I Made It (Panic! At The Disco)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

I follow several music critics on youtube and over the course of 2019, I’ve seen undiluted vitriol and hatred against this song (Spectrum Pulse even made a list of his “worst hit songs” of the decade and put this one at #10! TEN!!). And... I don’t really get where it’s coming from? Maybe I’m too literal-minded to see what the problem is with a sarcastic song saying “look I sold out and now I found success again! And it’s not that great!”. I just think it’s a lot of fun. Thank god Todd put it on his best list, at least we can agree on one thing for once.

It is hilarious that after putting so many Fall Out Boy songs on my lists, the one that I love the most from Panic! is the sellout song. Not sure why this was huge while the even better Say Amen wasn’t, though.

4 - Sunflower (Swae Lee & Post Malone)

US: #2 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t get the “chill” songs that tend to be successful these days but this one, unlike most Post Malone songs (bar Circles), has lovely pastel colors and a cloudy texture and it’s a really good vibe. It took several months to grow on me but it sure did.

In about ten years, people will listen to Sunflower and be submerged by nostalgia, mark my words.

3 - Old Town Road (Lil Nas X)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (see, everyone agrees for once)

Everyone on the planet already wrote a thinkpiece about this song and yet I’ve only seen maybe one out of five mentioning, just in passing, that the entire song is based on a Nine Inch Nail track from Ghosts I-IV, superbly re-used to make a weird and insanely catchy country hip hop song out of it. Ghosts has been one of my go-to albums to listen to while I’m painting for about ten years now. I’m saying all this because hearing a track from Ghosts on the radio for months was absolute bliss for me, especially in a new and improved version.

Thank you Lil Nas X for everything you’ve been doing and I wish you a long and successful career. You deserve it. I love this and I love you.

2 - Bury A Friend (Billie Eilish)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

Hello again, Billie Eilish.

This song is absolutely terrifying and that was before I even saw the music video. This is the soundtrack of your nightmares right there. I’m not even sure it deserves to be so high on the list, but frankly I’m too terrified to care. Maybe Old Town Road should be higher. I don’t know.

Also you have to know that when I’m super tired I go into echolalia mode and automatically repeat words or entire sentences that my brain considers interesting, like “potiron” (pumpkin) or “dramatique” ; and recently, my brain decided “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?”, sung exactly like it’s sung in this song, was its new favorite sentence. So. Hearing yourself saying that to an empty room while you’re drawing or folding clothes or cleaning plates is not a very pleasant experience, and it makes this song extra scary to me.

And now, here’s the last #1 of the last one of these lists (for now), and I’m glad to announce it closes this series of posts in a super fitting way.

Check this out. It’s so perfect in every way.

1 - Walk Me Home (Pink)

US: #99 / FR: Not on the list

Nobody seemed to care about this song over the course of 2019, and it's barely elligible, and I still have no idea why. The music reviewers I follow only either talked about it super briefly when it came out, or not at all. The rare ones who were making top 100s at the end of the year instead of top 10s usually put it somewhere in the middle of their lists. And yet it’s the elligible song I’ve listened to the most.

If you’ve been reading this series of posts for a while now, you probably already know exactly why it’s here, but here’s a quick recap.

The second album I ever bought in my life was Pink’s Missundaztood in 2002, and I loved her music a lot:

I was still really fond of her stuff in 2007:

Then she started to become less interesting and I basically ignored her apart from a brief blip on my radar in 2017:

Meanwhile, in 2012, fun. made some of the best songs of the entire decade before vanishing instantly, and I’ve been mourning them ever since:

And in the middle of last year, here I am, listening to the radio, and suddenly I hear something that sounds exactly like a fun. song, except I’ve never heard it before and it’s sung by a female singer, and, most importantly, it’s 2019 and fun. broke up more than six years earlier. And I’m like, what’s going on. This is so good. What the hell. What is this.

And I hear it a second time weeks later, and I google it, and I discovered that 1) it was Pink singing this, which made it my favorite Pink song in literally more than ten years, and 2) it was, indeed, written by one of the guys from fun., among other people who’s influence is less obvious.

I guess the main lesson from 2019, between newcomers making great music based on dead trends, old groups reforming, and this song, is that nothing’s gone forever, and things you used to enjoy can come back at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected form.

There’s always, always gonna be new music to love, and it’s just a question of time.

Quick note

And with this, these lists are over... for now.

I don’t regret making them even if they were a ton of work, because that was super useful for a lot of different reasons.

They helped me get a better understanding of my own life’s chronology. That may sound stupid but I tend to link events to the music I was listening to at the time, and putting all that music in chronological order helped a lot.

I rediscovered a ton of songs I had completely forgotten about, and a lot of new ones. My playlist is much richer now and I’m happy about that.

I also discovered a few artists I knew nothing about.

It forced me to analyse two depressive episodes in my life and just because everything was now in exact chronological order, it accidentally helped me pinpoint what caused both of them. Better and cheaper than therapy. Impressive.

It made me realise how important some bands and artists had been in my life, and I relistened to some of their catalogue while making these lists. For some it was really obvious (Indochine, Placebo, Mylène Farmer, My Chemical Romance among some others), and for some others (Moby, Linkin Park, Mika in particular), it was a real surprise.

It made me realise that Placebo might have been huge in France but weirdly enough not that huge in the UK nor in the US. It’s especially striking when you look at their wikipedia page in English then in French and realise how detailed the French one is compared to the English one. Can’t believe Sleeping With Ghosts was a n°1 album here and basically nowhere else. That was the band where that discrepency was the most obvious but it wasn’t the only one like that. Really puts stuff in perspective.

It also helped me realise how cyclical popular music is. 1) trends tend to die near the end of every decade and the worst year is usually somewhere between the 8th and the 9th year. 2008 and 2018 tend to confirm this. 2) For the same reason, some new & interesting stuff appears at the beginning of every decade, and reaches its high point of quality between the 2nd and 4th year of the decade. 3) Basically I’m saying we’ve now passed the lowest musical quality in recent memory and 2022-2023 will have some exceptional music.

See you in December 2020. I have no doubt there’s a ton of great music coming up in the near future.

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (2)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 6.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"Do you remember the Wilkins place?"

"I'm well, thanks." Martyn's voice is dry, and Phil finds himself grinning at the wall despite himself. "How are you?"

"Good," says Phil. It's mostly true, although he could do without the piles of clothes he's sorting through. He holds his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he picks up a top of Sophie's and starts a whole new pile that he's calling delicates, aka things he's absolutely going to screw up somehow. "People think the Wilkins place is haunted."

There's a beat. Presumably, Phil's brother is trying to fit the name into adolescent memories to see where it slots in. "Oh, that wreck in Rusholme? It hasn't been condemned yet?"

"Apparently it's still a hot spot for binge-drinking teenagers," Phil says.

"Well, sure. But haunted? Really?"

"That's what I said!"

Phil feels a little vindicated by the skepticism in Martyn's voice, to be honest. His friends hadn't taken his weird feeling seriously at all.

"I mean, it's a dump," says Martyn. "More likely to be haunted by a bunch of rats than anything else. Why haven't we heard this before?"

"According to my sources," Phil says, only feeling a bit ridiculous about referring to a bunch of strangers on the internet as 'sources', "the activity only recently started. Which makes me think that someone's lying, or maybe one incident kickstarted everyone else's imaginations?"

"Both could be true. Why don't you ask Ian to go check it out?"

It's not exactly a sore spot, but something inside of Phil still twinges at the question. "He's a little busy, isn't he."

"So am I," Martyn says in that same dry, familiar tone that makes Phil feel as comforted as his mum's fretting or his dad's bad jokes do. "And yet here you are, on my phone."

"You don't have a toddler," Phil points out.

"I don't? Yet here you are..."

Phil snorts a laugh and drops all of the socks he's gathered into an empty basket. It's as good a place to start as any. "Shut up, Mar. I'm at least six."

There are, literally, enough dirty socks and pants between the four of them that Phil has a whole load of just underthings. He spares a moment to be grateful to Sophie for not including her bras, because he'd have no idea where to begin with those. He sighs and picks up the basket, fitting it against his hip with one hand so he can hold his phone with the other.

"Well, I can ask around," says Martyn. "I think my friends might be past the point of sneaking into abandoned houses to party, but maybe they've heard something from their annoying little brothers."

"Ha, ha," Phil says dryly. "Think I should contact some of the people making these claims?"

"Deffo," says Martyn. "If you can record them, it'd be best."

"Yeah, that way I can use them in the video," Phil hums, setting his basket on the washer and opening every cupboard to try to find the detergent. "I mean, if they're okay with that, obviously."

"I actually meant because your bullshit detector is dysfunctional, so me or Peej will have to tell you if someone's lying."

"Wow, rude. Whose fault is that?"

"Yours," Martyn informs him dryly. "Just because I told you Santa would pull you up through the chimney doesn't mean you had to believe me."

Phil rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. Maybe it's just a big brother thing, or maybe it's their personalities, but Martyn isn't wrong - Phil has a hard time telling when someone is lying to him. Martyn was always good at lying with a straight face and seeing right through Phil's outlandish stories.

"I still blame you," says Phil.

"Alright," says Martyn. "When are you coming to visit?"

"Probably not ‘til after this one," Phil says slowly, glancing at the kitten calendar on the fridge. They'd let one of their milder housemates pick this year's after everyone got tired of looking at Chris' previous choice of nude knitted puppets.

"Yeah? You gonna head up north for this one?"

In the very last cupboard he checks, Phil finds the detergent. He wants to be annoyed about it, but the truth is that Holly's habit of switching around the kitchen when she's anxious has saved many a pack of biscuits from expiring behind some flour. Phil has never once been useful to anybody when he's having a meltdown, so.

Phil absentmindedly loads the washer while he considers Martyn's question. Maybe it would be best to check the place out for himself, see if anything's really going on. He likes being on-site best, trusts his own gut more than he trusts strangers' eyes.

The problem, of course, is that Phil's childhood home is up for sale, he has no money for a hotel, and Ian's gone and got himself a child. The last thing Phil wants to do is impose or, like, get roped into babysitting. A trip to Manchester might be out of the question for him right now.

"Maybe," Phil says, noncommittal.

Martyn sees through him in an instant, like always. "Want me to ask Mum if they've got any viewings next weekend? I'm sure you know not to trash the place."

"Have I ever once trashed the place? Don't answer that," Phil adds, remembering the shaving cream incident.

A huff comes down the line, and Phil feels the same pride at making his brother laugh as he had when he was seven and making weird noises out the car window. Yeah, he definitely needs to go to London soon, the Isle afterwards - he hasn't seen his family in way too long.

"I'll let you know what's buzzing, if anything," says Martyn. "And I'll call Mum for you and all. I know you get weird about asking them for favours."

"I get weird about asking anyone for favours," Phil says instead of a thank you, because if he gets weird about asking for help, then Martyn gets twice as weird about reacting to gratitude.

"Except me."

Phil smiles, watching the rainbow of socks and pants spin. "Yeah. Except you."

--

Laundry does end up taking Phil most of the day, but he doesn't mind much. It's the least he can do when Chris always does the first draft edit for him, PJ reminds him to take his EMF meter and his meds when he's packing for an overnight, and Sophie sends him pages upon pages of research while she's at work. He's so fond of these people, and he appreciates all they do for him, but being in debt to them - and not in sole control of his projects - makes Phil feel like he's got ants crawling up his arms.

While he waits out the machine cycles, Phil starts putting feelers out into this story. He checks the sources linked to him again and shoots off a couple of direct messages and emails to see if any of the people posting about the Wilkins place are eager to chat one on one.

He's got his laptop set up at the kitchen table and he's on his third coffee of the day when it occurs to him that he's not out of the woods of owing favours just yet. He clicks back into the Tumblr submission that started this spiral.

He decides that he needs to thank this person, at the very least, and maybe offer to buy them a coffee or something when he's in town. They did so much of Phil's grunt work that it feels weird not to pay them back somehow.

"Well, I can't exactly do your laundry," Phil murmurs to the screen. He hopes none of his other housemates are milling around to hear him.

Another click, and he's on the blog. It's minimalist and monochrome in a way that makes things easy to read, but not very interesting to look at. Phil's eyes start to glaze over as he scrolls through, because it's entertaining enough but - well. It's a typical Tumblr blog. That familiar mixture of memes and rants about social issues and some gifs from shows that Phil doesn't have time to watch. There are a lot of familiar walls of text tagged as personal posts, but Phil still can't parse them without really trying.

They do reblog Phil's video posts, though. That makes him grin.

He scrolls back up to the top of the page to shoot them a message and immediately gets distracted by the bio.

winnie. 21. any pronouns.

For someone who sent Phil a wall of text that could be mistaken for copypasta at first glance, it's surprisingly succinct. Phil takes another swig of his coffee and tries not to get caught up on the last part of it.

Any pronouns? What does that mean, any pronouns? What if Phil uses the wrong ones? He isn't exactly a queer theory student, and as much as he supports everybody under his little rainbow umbrella, he's got to admit that a lot of things still go over his head.

He dithers for so long that his laptop screen goes black, and he makes a face at himself in its reflection. Surely he's overthinking this.

Hi!, Phil types, and then accidentally hits enter. He was just trying not to send the fan a paragraph back, but, fine. Oops. So I'm looking into the things you sent me on the Wilkins place and I'm really impressed by the amount of time you put into this? Like it makes MY job a lot easier haha. Is he a triple-texter? He's a triple-texter. The first one didn't count anyway. So thanks!!!!! I'll def give you credit in the video, but is there anything else I can do to pay you back?

Not literally, he wants to add right after he's sent it. Oh, well. He can't just keep spamming this poor person's chat. He hopes it's obvious that he'd offer monetary compensation if he had it.

Phil leaves the Tumblr tab open and works on editing for a little while. It's almost frustrating how bad this video is, how little effort and energy Phil has started putting into these, and he doesn't know how to fix it short of rethinking his entire career.

He could easily keep churning these out for as long as people watch them, but. He's not having fun anymore.

The Phil on his laptop screen is asking questions, wandering around a cemetery just to see if anything will happen, and Phil can't help comparing it to things he did last year, the year before that, the year before that - it feels like his content is declining as his enthusiasm for the topic does, or maybe vice versa.

Phil zones out for so long that the dryer chime goes off from the hallway, echoing through the old, creaky house. He'd given up on sorting the loads after the fifth shirt that could belong to any of them, so he just takes his own things out and folds his housemates' clothes into one basket.

They can figure it out, he's sure. There's only two bedrooms between the three of them, so there's only two closets, and Phil has gone so long without knowing who's officially sharing that it would be awkward to ask now.

Phil swaps the load over and goes back to his laptop, even though the very last thing he wants to do is continue editing and uploading this mediocre video.

The thing is, Phil doesn't need his content to be perfect. He's happy to post things that just make him laugh or have a nicely spooky vibe or whatever, he doesn't need to solve mysteries every month or two. It's just that. He can hear how little he cares about it, lately. It won't be long before people notice, if they haven't already.

Phil sighs and exits the project. Maybe this video is best left unposted. He's not happy with it at all.

Maybe, if this Wilkins place video doesn't pan out, Phil can start redirecting his energy into a different type of creative output. He's got so many stories bouncing around in his mind, he just needs to figure out how he wants to tell them.

It sounds like his father's voice inside his head, telling him you can't chase ghosts forever. He wishes he still had the gumption to disagree with it.

His laptop makes a little noise, and Phil blinks back to reality. He has to click on a few different tabs to figure out where it came from, but then he realises that he's gotten a response on Tumblr.

Phil smiles despite himself and gets ready for another difficult-to-read message.

Sure enough: UHHHHHH hi hello what the fuck i didnt expect you to say anything this is so weird i am being so weird right now um like no problem? i was procrastinating an essay and this was more fun to research so you dont have to thank me or pay me back whatever that means like i was just fucking around its fine but thank you?????

Phil thinks about the four word Tumblr bio again and snorts. Maybe Winnie wanted to seem as cool and minimalist as their theme itself was.

Procrastination or not, I appreciate it!, Phil replies. Would it be ok if I use you as a reference?

?????????????? i mean yeah but what the fuck, he gets back almost immediately.

It's nice to see you know some punctuation! Sorry if it's weird to reach out like this, I just wanted to like acknowledge the work you put in. I don't have to mention you in the video if you'd prefer!

The sound of the front door creaking open and slamming shut interrupts Phil's nervous typing. He freezes for a moment, fingers still on the keyboard, but then PJ comes in the kitchen with a little salute and several bags of craft supplies, and Phil can breathe again.

It isn't that the other people who live in this house are bad people. Far from it. It's just that, of the people Phil has opted to share this large space with for nearly two years, only three of them have made any kind of effort to understand Phil. The others are nice enough, he supposes, but sometimes they come and go and new people replace them and - Phil isn't exactly good with change, is the thing.

So he relaxes when he can talk to PJ instead of making small talk with someone who thinks he's weird and too messy. "Hey! How's your day?"

"Better than yours," PJ laughs. He drops all the bags on the table and starts puttering around the kitchen. "Hungry?"

"Please. And it wasn't so bad, I got some work done."

"Yeah? Any new info on the new haunt?"

It's incredible how genuinely interested PJ always is in Phil's work. Phil grins down at his keyboard and shrugs a bit. "Some. Mostly just poking around right now, though. Mar's asking his friends too. Oh, and I thanked the person who sent it in."

"That's good," PJ says. He's putting the kettle on, because that's what PJ does when he comes home. "How'd they react?"

"Mostly confusion," Phil laughs. He glances at his screen to see if Winnie has responded - they haven't - and chews on his lip a little bit. "Hey, Peej? If someone says any pronouns are fine, what does that mean?"

"Generally," PJ hums, "it seems like it would mean any pronouns are fine."

"Oh, shut up." Phil runs a hand through his hair, always anxious about getting stuff like this wrong.

"I'm not joking," PJ says, although his tone is still light.

"Oh. So it just... doesn't matter?"

"Not to some people, I guess." PJ leans against the counter as he waits for the water to boil. At least he's smiling, although Phil can't help but notice that it's a little patronizing. "You do know that I'm not a gender guru, right? I'm barely a gender novice. I failed gender out the gate, buddy."

Phil knows his cheeks are pinking up a bit, but he rolls his eyes. "Shut up," he repeats. "You still know way more than me."

The shrug he gets in response makes Phil huff a laugh. This isn't something they talk about, but Phil has been present for enough of Chris and PJ's conversations that he'd gotten the idea.

He wonders if PJ cares that he's bringing it up. Is he making PJ uncomfortable? They don't talk about this.

"Stop spiralling," PJ says easily. His smile is warmer, now. "I don't hate you, nobody hates you, and the fan who doesn't care about pronouns certainly doesn't hate you. If you're that worried about upsetting them, though, you can always ask."

Maybe he's known PJ too long. He's grateful for it, still, so relieved that he doesn't have to voice the swirling anxiety of doing something wrong when he only has the best intentions.

"I guess I could do that," Phil mutters, embarrassed by how easily he's been read.

Winnie's responded by the time Phil looks back at the chat window, a lmao yeah ofc thats fine i just cant believe you want to, im not trying to b weird ive just been a fan for a really long time?? (used a comma for you too) (and brackets) (youre welcome) that makes Phil smile.

Awesome! And are the name Winnie & they/them pronouns fine to talk about you with, or do you prefer something else for this?

no yeah thats good idc how you refer to me, is Winnie's immediate response. It's stupid how much of a load feels like it's been lifted off of Phil's shoulders at that easy reassurance.

"You were right," Phil informs PJ.

PJ nods, solemn, as he stirs his noodles. "I often am."

"You're annoying, also," says Phil. "Hey. D'you wanna come up north with me?"

"Phil," says PJ dramatically, holding the wooden spoon up to his heart. "Are you asking me to run away with you?"

"No, absolutely not, stop making that joke." There's no way in hell Phil is going to keep putting up with this from both of them, and PJ is more likely to listen to him than Chris is.

PJ laughs. "Yeah, yeah. You going to see the haunt?"

"If my parents are okay with us hanging out for the weekend, yeah."

"Oh, okay," says PJ. "We're just waiting on confirmation that Kath and Nigel want to spend time with you? Might as well pack now."

"Your stuff's folded," Phil says helpfully. PJ throws a noodle in his general direction. It flops onto the floor between them, a sad, wet spiral of a thing, and Phil touches his nose at the same time PJ does.

"Well, one of us has to pick it up," PJ says in his Reasonable Adult voice, as if he hadn't thrown it in the first place.

Phil looks at his laptop, valiantly pretending not to see the floor noodle, and blinks.

and i mean i havent seen any of this shit firsthand but if you need to ask me anything about the stuff thats gone down im always free. like literally always.

[pearwaldorf]

fanwork roundup 2019

LIST OF FANWORKS NSFW is denoted with an asterisk. All Good Omens is Aziraphale/Crowley unless noted. the last witness before the wave hits (Good Omens, gen) can you feel my heart beat fast (I want it to last, need you by my side) (Good Omens) *well you laughed baby it's okay (it's buzzcut season anyway) (Good Omens) take care to leave a trace (KOTOR 2; Jedi Exile/everybody, Jedi Exile/Visas Marr) of some other man's belief (Good Omens, gen) I've got this feeling, so appealing, for us to get together and sing (Good Omens, gen) [archive-locked work] (RPF) I knew that sullen hall (Good Omens/Dragon Age: Inquisition crossover) *we gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves (The Last Jedi; Finn/Poe/Rey/Rose) healing spirit (Good Omens) [archive-locked work] (RPF) better than anything else that I've tried (Good Omens) gotta blame it on the goose (Good Omens/Untitled Goose Game crossover) *don't know you super well but you might be the same as me (Good Omens) sleeping at last (Good Omens) *don't need a crown to know that I'm a queen (Good Omens) *just let me try (and I will be good to you) - an Anthonavery RPF (Slow Show) *I can make you boil up baby, let it simmer (Slow Show) an instrument of thy vision (Rise of Skywalker; Finn) Tumblr ficlets I also did two challenges this year: Ineffable Fictober and Drabbletober. TOTAL WORD COUNT 

62423!!! By fandom: Good Omens: 36697 Star Wars: 7421 RPF: 5808 KOTOR 2: 2505 Dragon Age: Inquisition: 1105 Everything else (Critical Role, MCU, Hannibal, Mass Effect): 8887

OVERALL THOUGHTS 

Oh god it was so good to get my words back, and not only that, surpass my word count for my previous best year. The past two years have been super fucking bad for writing, and to be able to write with ease and joy againi feels like a marvelous gift, and I am grateful. And copypasta from last year, because it seems worth repeating: If, despite everything, you were able to produce work this year, congratulations. And if you couldn't, that's okay too. Next year will hopefully be better. 

PERSONAL BEST/FAVORITE I really do feel like I leveled up as a writer this year. The words were good and they came easily. I branched out a lot this year: RPF, really strange metafic, things that should be fic but the thing it's fic of doesn't actually exist. I had a lot of fun writing all of it. 

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED (IMO) 

I feel like everything was appreciated the right amount. I would have loved more people to have seen I knew that sullen hall, but niche crossovers are hard to attract attention.

MOST POPULAR

well you laughed baby it's okay, aka the hair-pulling fic. People really seemed to like it an almost disproportionate amount to its length and quality. Maybe it was exactly what fandom wanted at the time. Also somebody tried to plagiarize it so I guess that must mean they liked it a lot. :P 

STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT Don't need a crown to know that I'm a queen. I like stories where characters know they're a snack and aren't afraid to show it off.

MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE 

Gotta blame it on the goose, for sure. It's so silly.

STORY THAT SHIFTED MY OWN PERCEPTION OF A CHARACTER

I knew that sullen hall. I never spent a whole lot of time with Blackwall, so it was interesting to get into his head for a bit. And in the course of writing the story, I had to think about things that he and Aziraphale would have in common, and it was useful character work for both of them.

HARDEST 

Of some other man's belief was a strange, recalcitrant story where I never really knew where I was going with it. All I know is it wanted to be written very very badly.  

BIGGEST SURPRISE/S 

The fake RPF I did for the Slow Show universe. The everything I wrote in the Slow Show universe. But it was great fun, and the Warlock Party House is a wonderful group of people. 

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT  

I wanted to get out a vid this year, but I don't think that's going to happen. 

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY 

Like I say every year, all my shit is out in the open.  

FAVOURITE LINES/SCENES

Occasionally, as she is drifting off, she feels something shift in her awareness of him, like the brush of a hand on a curtain.(from we gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves) “Jesus fucking christ, angel. You can’t just say things like that.” “Leave that poor boy out of this. Now tell me, do you like the red or the black better?” (from Ineffable Fictober prompt "anything you like") He reached up to grab the other man’s hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. Come for me, he tried to communicate with his touch. Flood me with your release. (from just let me try. I was writing it intentionally badly but sometimes I'm not sure people got that 😆) 

LINES/SCENES YOU’D CHANGE 

I try not to think about it because then I'll want to change them and then I'll never stop fiddling. 

TOP FIVE SCENES YOU WISH WOULD BE ILLUSTRATED

The alley scene in can you feel my heart beat fast Nanny, Warlock, and Aziraphale at the concert in I've got this feeling Crowley tending Aziraphale's hands in healing spirit This chapter (wings) from Ineffable Fictober Crowley chasing after the goose 

2020 WRITING AMBITIONS

As always, a look at last year's:

(Creative) Survival is still a laudable ambition. I will endeavor to produce as much as I can creatively, and hopefully exceed this year's incredibly pathetic word count. I haven't made a vid in a while, and I have a new NLE (VEGAS Pro 15) to take for a spin. Art is also part of resistance, and integrating it more into my life will be good. 

I think I did pretty well with the first two. Didn't make a vid, but I'm starting on one now. Good Omens was more important to me this year than I realized. Coming off Endgame, I needed something to feel excited about, and Good Omens is a very enthusiastic fandom. It also got me through the lead-up and release of Rise of Skywalker. For a while I was deeply suspicious a shoe was going to drop re: how much fun I was having in GO fandom because it felt too easy. People weren't wanking the day away (or I could avoid those that were) and they were so happy to love on the characters. And then I realized no, that's actually how it should feel to be in a fandom community. So I guess that's one of the things I'm going to do next year: prioritize joy, especially when it comes to fandom. I've never been exactly bad at writing whatever the fuck I want, but that is something I should continue to do. I would like to write something long with at least a modicum of plot. I am bad at both of these things, and it would be nice to prove to myself I can if I wanted to. I am going to try and make two vids next year and see if I can learn Vegas 15 and maybe another NLE. I also want to get a captioning/transcription guide up for fans who want to make their vids more accessible, as somebody asked about it.

[aimmyarrowshigh]

aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i checked and it happened in 2015

aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i saw that jg post on my feed and i had no energy to comment on it but truly when i saw that you had i felt such relief!! i remember making that one post about stiefvater defending him and telling teenage girls to be quiet and the response to it still fucking haunts me i swear

Oy, was it really that recently? The last three years have taken 900 years. And yeah... Maggie Stiefvater’s post about it was a Really Bad Look, and iirc that was the environment that spawned the beginning of the batshit “Keep YA Kind”* concern-trolling thing (yep, also 2015) that was mainly used to silence girls and women and people of color whenever the four white cishet men in YA fucked up between 2015 and 2018, when it finally publicly came out that most of them were, yk, fucking up because they’re legitimately horrible people and maybe the people calling them out should have been taken seriously.

* The other notable “why the fuck is this happening???? why is HE the one getting the sympathy here?????” events from “Keep YA Kind,” which, listen, I would bet you anything that it was very very nearly called “Keep Kidlit Kind” until the only person involved with 1/4 of a braincell managed to realize the acronym on their Twitter handle looked REALL BAD:

Andrew Smith, a straight white adult man, says out loud with his human adult man mouth, that he knows he can’t write female characters well and relies on fetishization and stereotypes because he never really met a girl until his daughter (??? SO WHAT IS YOUR WIFE, ANDREW? CHOPPED LIVER?) and, being as that is Bullshit and also his books were also being lauded as though they were Infinite fucking Jest Jr. even though the interview in question was for a book in which mutant grasshoppers take over the earth and a teenage boy gets trapped in a bunker with a teenage girl who eventually has to git to birthin’ babies she doesn’t want and isn’t medically prepared to have safely For The Good Of Humanity, he’s called out.

He’s called out mostly on a technical, writing level at first, even! Like, “Here’s how to write a female character: you write a fully considered, well-rounded character. They’re a girl.” And Andrew Smith FLIPS HIS SHIT, does some op-ed about how his mother used to beat him so he can’t see girls as people, and makes his twitter private. The “Keep YA Kind” sycophants support him HARD.

And then this happens to pop up on a mysterious Twitter that just HAPPENS to start while HIS twitter’s offline...

NOTE: Jay Asher, author of 13 Reasons Why, was literally dropped from his publisher and SCWBI for being a sexual predator. So like, I don’t think he was bullied, I think his predation was being remarked upon. Like, idk, maybe that he was being called creepy or sth idk idk idk

And then when A.S. decided to unsockpuppet to promote his next book, The Alex Crow, which is about mutant crows and a bunker or whatever:

The “asshole” in specific that Andrew Smith was calling an asshole was delightful human being and fellow author Kate Messner, who, coincidentally, was one of the victims to come out against Lemony Snicket’s sexual harrassment, so she’s had a BULLSHIT time just trying to do her JOB of being an author while female.

Which leads to Tommy Wallach! All-around fucknut! Whose major interest seems to be being That Guy In Philosophy 101 Who Always Has To Be Devil’s Advocate, Even Though No One Asked, and has a deeply vested interest in making sure that teenage girl readers -- who are his target audience, because he chose to write YA, as an adult man who made a choice in what he wrote and chose to make it YA, and not, like, any of the hundreds of genres that AREN’T largely written about and for teenage girls, yk -- know that teenage girls are Dumb. Victoria Schwab actually wrote an essay for YA Books Central about the incessant problem that IS/WAS Tommy Wallach called “We Need To Talk About Tommy” back in -- you guessed it! -- 2016, but it’s offline now and I’m not going to go Wayback it rn.

I’m just going to copypasta YAinterrobang’s Wallach timeline because he’s exhausting, he reminds me of undergrad.

Wallach’s continual pattern of behavior is worth discussing, especially in the context of sexism in YA and the continual marginalization of “diverse” voices in the community despite the efforts of the We Need Diverse Books movement.

Wallach’s problematic behavior runs back over a year, starting with a defense of Andrew Smith where he ignores the opinions of author and advocate Tessa Gratton in favor of a dictionary definition of sexism. (Andrew Smith’s behavior and the fallout around his statements have, of course, already been documented on YA Interrobang in “The Curious Case of Andrew Smith, Twitter & sexism.”) Wallach postures that women are inherently “other” from men, accuses Gratton of “gin[ning]up the controversy” and explains that he is a feminist because he was “raised by a single working mother and she’s still my best friend in the world.”

[View Wallach’s defense of Smith and attack on Gratton as a .pdf.]

Fast forward to later that year. Author Justina Ireland takes to Twitter to discuss a book where she feels the black character is self-hating. Ireland, being black herself, is asked about the book in question; she says that it’s Wallach’s debut novel We All Looked Up. Though Wallach is not tagged, he swoops into the conversation and demands Ireland provide proof that his character Anita is self-hating before claiming that author Dhonielle Clayton, who is also black, is friends with him and “engaged” with him on the issues in the book.

Clayton later stated publicly that she had not done any sensitivity reading on We All Looked Up.

What brought Wallach’s behavior to the attention of the YA world as a whole came this past November in the wake of the horrifying terrorist attacks in Paris. When the hashtag #prayforparis went viral, Wallach responded with multiple social media posts and a blog post about how atheism was the only belief that could make the world a better place. (Though Wallach argues that it is not, in fact, a belief: “The fact that we have a word for it makes it seem like it’s equivalent to other belief systems, but it’s not. The absence of something is not equivalent to the thing itself.”)

[View Wallach’s comments on atheism as a .pdf.]

After Wallach Tweeted that he was a “a rabid atheist, and the world would be a better place if more folk were” – a Tweet he subsequently deleted before deleting his account in its entirety – he doubled down in a block post that outlined all the way religions failed and all the reasons atheism was awesome.

Those who tried to explain to him why this behavior was – to say the least – problematic found themselves quickly blocked or shut down; at once point, Wallach tried to explain anti-Semitism to Jewish author Hannah Moskowitz before claiming that “if [her]parents are atheists and [his]dad is Jewish, [he’s] as much Jewish as [her].”

(For those wondering, Wallach blocked me during this incident despite being friendly with me and having taken my advice previously; while he did believe me in regards to his behavior towards Justina Ireland, which you can see in Tweets above, my snarky comment to him about “the only good people are the people who are exactly like me” was, apparently, too much for him to take. As Wallach’s account has since been deleted and I purged my social media account in January, that interaction is no longer publicly available.)

Take this behavior in comparison to author LJ Silverman, who recently received a sea of anti-Semitic hate mail – including crude manipulated images of her in an oven – for Tweeting that she was worried about the upcoming election in the context of history. Wallach painted himself to be the victim, somebody “attacked” for insulting all of the religious folks in the YA community, while Silverman, who simply shared a worry plaguing her, became a victim of virulent trolls.

While Wallach deleted his social media accounts after this, there were no public consequences to his actions despite ill-will from the YA community at large. If another member of the YA community had spoken out – one of our Catholic or Islamic or Jewish or Mormon authors, for instance – the backlash would have been substantially worse, possibly career-ruining.

Wallach’s career, however, was not ruined; he recently landed a six-figure deal for a book trilogy centered around a “holy war.”

And thus, we return to Wallach’s dismissive comments on suicide – which, it turned out, were neither new or original. In a blog post deleted after it came to light during this discussion, Wallach rated “the top ten literary suicides (organized by emo-ness)” which included all of the characters of HBO’s Girls – “It’s really just a fantasy of mine.” – and, ranking at number one, Sylvia Plath – who is not a character but a real person who suffered from depression before taking her own life at a young age.

[View Wallach’s post on suicide as a .pdf.]

“I’m only going to talk about the fact that a successful YA author found it appropriate to glorify, romanticize, and mock what for many of his readers is among the highest causes of death,” wrote Schwab in her “We Need To Talk About Tommy” post. “That this author could be so very careless and flippant and insensitive about such a very serious issue is abhorrent. That two years after penning this post he still sees suicide as something to be made light of, to be used as a marketing tool.”

Simon & Schuster made no public comment about any of Wallach’s comments. His career, save for making enemies of some fellow authors, seems relatively unscathed by his callous actions.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, like, if you wanna read books by straight white dudes, go for it, but check them out from the library. Spend your book-buying money on books by women, nonbinary/other folks, and dudes who aren’t straight and/or white. Straight white men, PARTICULARLY in categories of literature that are largely targeted towards girls and women, and largely written by girls and women -- but published, edited, and marketed by other straight white men -- are lauded FAR above what they’re actually worth, as like, storytellers or human people go.

The Glass Escalator is a one-way trip to wonderland, but YA is a skyscraper that was built by women and I PROMISE you, whatever book by one of these dudes you’re considering reading, there’s a better version by a woman and/or person of color on the shelves nearby that just didn’t get 1/10th of the marketing money.

And of course there should be an effort to be kind on social media, but “keep YA kind”... to whom? To the people who were being silenced when they were pointing out legitimate problems with the behaviors of men in social power? (And one of whom, in the case of Jay Asher, was LITERALLY DANGEROUS BC HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.) Like, really? There had to be a hashtag campaign to silence dozens of people with legitimate, not-bullying-just-pointing-out-problems-that-are-problems-with-stuff-you-did-dude problems, to make social media feel more comfortable for four middle-aged straight white men?

As though the outside world isn’t comfortable enough for middle-aged straight white men????

[fiblertsos]

Quick analysis post: Just who was Victor to Satanick?

In which I mostly copypasta from my private rambling-to-myself twitter, and wonder just how much Victor Flankenstein, his death in particular, meant to Satanick. And how much his absence affects Nick in particularly emotional moments.

(no trigger warnings this time! Congratulations Satanick you did it)

One thing that still bugs me is Distorted Love 2 (appropriately named tan-Distorted-love2). In specific, the part right before Satanick makes his second attack on the Flame World.

He pleas for someone who isn’t present.

He has a wife he’s shown to be in good terms with, and a ton of servants. And yet, he calls out to a dead man for help in his msot vulnerable moment.

Satanick: If you could see me right now, you'd surely laugh...

Satanick: Wouldn't you, Vi-- 

(Satanick stops talking, eyes wide, and covers his head in his hands)

Satanick: Things just can't stay like this...

Now, Victor Flankenstein, Satanick’s late scientist underling, is the only connected to Satanick out of the two Okegom characters whose name starts with "Vi". 

(The other is Vicers, but Satanick pronounces the “Vi” as ヴィ/“vee” - like in Victor-  and not  ヴァイ/“vye” - like in Vicers.)

What intrigues me about this whole comic page is just how emotionally charged Satanick's plea for Victor is and what the epiphany he reaches from it drives him into doing, which is attempt to kill/torture Ivlis. 

There is no way of actually knowing, but this puts into question just WHAT Victor meant to Satanick, and how the Devil dealt (or not) with his demise. 

What bugged me even more is the fact that Nick stops talking as soon as he starts saying Victor's name, eyes wide. By the context of the dialogue, he can't be just remembering Victor is dead. He had just said “if you could see me right now”.

Did the epiphany about Ivlis hit when he thought of Victor?

Now, let’s look at this from another perspective for a second.

Victor was human. Demons seem to live way longer, and be way more resilient than humans. Satanick has been seen lamenting a creature’s short lifespan before.

We don’t really know what exactly killed Victor, but the point that human life is very easy to snuff out compared to other beings’ stands.

Remembering Victor might have triggered a fear of losing Ivlis in Satanick.

Losing Ivlis was a fear already rooted in him since the Attack! Devilish-style comics. It’s implied that what he saw in the future reading machine when he took a picture of Ivlis terrorized him enough for him to completely lose his composure and lash out. As we came to know a while later, what he saw was simple: an alternate timeline where Ivlis won against Kcalb, only to immediately die at his father’s hands. 

While it was left implicit, the way the comic timeline was arranged hints at the fact that this fear he felt was what led Satanick to realize his romantic feelings for Ivlis. Fear was worming its way inside him way before romance even entered his mind. 

Satanick’s decision to kill/take Ivlis for himself was taken right after his little one-man convo about Victor. He was terrified of losing someone else he cared about, and willing to end things with his own hands in order to spare himself the pain of mourning. Of course, it didn’t quite work out the way he first planned (in the canon timeline, that is).

I cannot imply anything about their actual relationship, but Victor meant a lot to Satanick and his death impacted him deeply. 

His sudden fear of losing Ivlis like he did with his old underling just pushed him over the edge he was already hanging on to since the Devilish Style comics.

As a last note: when Crea (Victor's artificial daughter) comes to Satanick and gives him candy to try and cheer him up, Satanick seems completely devastated; Crea even comments about the rain “not stopping for even a second”. 

He calls her “such a good child”: his dead friend’s child.

Victor’s death has haunted Satanick for a good while.

[alittledropofheaven]

On the internet, where people become data and popularity is conveniently quantified, it’s easy to learn what a community values most. Twitter embraces celebrities and #brands. Reddit stans for Barack Obama and elaborate pop-culture GIFs. Quora is an asylum of techies questioning their morality and their stock options; its second-most-upvoted answer is a “soul-satisfying” account of a sales bro helping a homeless man.

On the Bodybuilding.com forums, the two most popular threads of all time are not about deadlifts, intermittent fasting, or maintaining motivation. They’re about women. Specifically, women Bodybuilding.com members would “love to pound.” While one thread features pictures of “petite/slim girls” and the other of “athletic girls,” both are an endless stream of lightly Photoshopped near-nudity and predictably lecherous comments. Both have been viewed almost 3 million times. And both are on the lone section of the Bodybuilding.com forums that’s explicitly unrelated to fitness: the Misc.

“Participate at your own risk, some content NSFW,” reads the description of the Misc. on the forums’ homepage. “U Aware?”

The number of people who are Aware, it turns out, is over 16 million. As of January 2018, these members of Bodybuilding.com have made more than 137 million posts on the forums, including 90 million on the Misc. The forums first became active in 2000, a time before Wikipedia and when “Skype” was neither app nor verb. Myspace—Myspace!—didn’t exist until three years later. The Misc., as the predominant section of an internet community with such immense popularity and longevity, has cemented its place near the top of Google’s search results for any query imaginable. To appropriate Rule 34, if it exists, there’s a Misc. thread for it. Online, at least, the Misc. is inescapable.

A cursory scroll through the Misc. reveals what it has in common with the still-popular internet communities it predates, Reddit and 4chan. There are the memes, comics, copypastas, acronyms, and slang recycled endlessly in a digital echo chamber largely devoid of moderation. There are the forum members—Miscers, they call themselves—who post, and post in, intentionally incendiary threads about whether tongue rings scream “cum dumpster” and how “Crossfit is gay,” then fan the flames for entertainment’s sake by doubling down on their inanity. There are moments ofuproarious, absurd, gut-busting idiocy. There are ideology-clarifying usernames (RICHSTRONG, MinisterOfLust, weightsb4dates, WishIWasJawBrah, MericaThatsWhy) and statement-making profile pictures (deliberately titillating yet invariably off-putting abdominal shots, monochromatic selfies, strategically underlit bicep closeups). There are trolls surely seething and/or laughing maniacally, their keystrokes like machine-gun fire, as they launch poorly punctuated ad-hominem attacks and, at their most destructive, encourage people to commit suicide. There are sexists, racists, xenophobes, and homophobes. There is the sense of being in a parochial, patriarchal madhouse where decorum has gone to die.

What emerges, when you spend enough time on the Misc., is a ghoulish portrait of a place that embodies the white, male id currently at the helm of S.S. America. The Misc. is a stone-faced Uncle Sam with Popeye’s forearms and a cocked pistol in each hand. It’s a screeching bald eagle with a foreign Bad Thing in its talons. It’s everything that defines America’s bro culture, magnified and weaponized. But it’s deeper than that.

“Bro-merican” culture is largely defined by the stratification of power and status, both real and imagined. So, too, is Bodybuilding.com, where a power imbalance is embedded in the structure and design of the site’s forums. Unlike on 4chan, where all posts are anonymous and ephemeral, or on Reddit, where the grand sum of a user’s upvotes has little value, Bodybuilding.com members’ reputation points, or “reps,” mediate and deeply influence community interactions. While reps are similar to Facebook likes—weighted such that getting either “repped” or “negged” by a user with hundreds of thousands of reps will drastically affect your own rep count—they function as the Misc.’s de facto currency. Your rep count is displayed next to your every post. It’s like your bank account balance flashing on your forehead whenever you speak.

Bullying by those with power (high-rep Miscers) and obsequiousness by those without it (low-rep Miscers) is rampant. Getting negged by a high-rep Miscer means potentially becoming a “red,” a user with negative reputation points, displayed beneath your username as a gradated red bar as jarring as a stop sign. If you’re a red, you’re a second-class citizen. Your posts might as well come with a disclosure: “I’m a worthless idiot. Please listen to absolutely nothing I say.”

The opinions and caprices of high-rep “green” Miscers, then, dictate the forum’s personality. Any Miscer brave enough to post contrarian ideas—including, and especially, those that are liberal and feminist—is often negged into oblivion. Bad joke misses the mark? Negged. Sincere comment comes off as sarcastic? Negged. The Misc. is an echo chamber in which “greens” are given a megaphone and a gun.

But in contrast with Reddit and 4chan, the Misc. has been filtered through and molded by bodybuilding subculture, a set of beliefs and customs rooted in the many manifestations of stereotypical masculinity: egotism, aggression, hypersexuality, über-competitiveness, entitlement. Insecurity, intolerance, misogyny. Bodybuilding, after all, is not about functional strength but about vanity and surface appearances, how masculinity is projected to the world. It fosters narcissism by trading in cosmetic superlatives: the highest bicep peaks, the most vascular calves, the most extreme V-shaped back.

The Misc. applies this dog-eat-dog frame of mind to every topic. Everything is a masculinity- or dick-measuring contest. Including, of course, the actual dick-measuring contests, because Miscers are nothing if not cripplingly aware of their own inadequate manhood. Swears and slurs are censored but their creatively misspelled phonetic workarounds are not, which makes for a forum full of “kunts” talking “chit” and menacingly telling each other to “pepper your angus” (prepare your anus). The most recurrent insults all concern perceived masculinity, or lack thereof. “U mad bro?,” a popular retort, juxtaposes one-of-the-guys slang with the notion that showing emotion means demonstrating debilitating weakness. A real bro doesn’t get mad, he only gets testosterone-fueled revenge.

Near the bottom of the masculinity totem pole are “low-T beta manlets”—that is, short, shy, effeminate guys. Lower down are “phaggots,” a word that gets tossed around the Misc. like salt at a Sichuan restaurant. Lest any Miscer think you’re a “phucking phaggot,” all posts about personal care, fashion, home decoration, or how to look like a certain actor/model/bodybuilder are appended with “no homo.” Yet shaky Misc. logic dictates that even if you’re a gay man, there’s still someone you genetically out-alpha and who is, therefore, below you: a woman.

While the entire internet is teeming with horny men whose dark loneliness and insecurity wears the cloak of misogyny, they seem to be especially vocal, and in especially high numbers, on the Misc. Every other thread is a depressing question (“Think she’s faithful to him?”) or a charged statement (“Drunk Sex > Sober Sex”) about women—their bodies, hitting on them, their innate tendency to cheat—and sex—where to find it, how to go “no contact” after having it, why she is fucking him.

The Misc.’s ties to PUA (pickup artist) forums and Reddit’s /r/TheRedPill, a perniciously misogynist, anti-feminist Reddit community dedicated to “discussing sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men,” are as well documented as they are unsurprising. One of PUA’s most frequent suggestions is to acquire “inner game,” or self-confidence through self-improvement. Miscers, being on what is ultimately a bodybuilding forum, have inverted that mantra—they’re going from the outside in. Look good, feel good.

Other elements of the manosphere, from cries of societal misandry to sexual techniques like kino escalation and shit-testing, permeate the Misc. All women are “thirsty sloots” to be conquered, their emotions and physical well-being to be toyed with for internet strangers’ entertainment. When, to the forum’s delight, a Miscer posts about a sexual conquest in lurid detail—a surefire way to rack up the reps—the verbs employed are barbaric: “took down,” “smashed,” “hit.” To have “oneitis,” or an obsessive and unrequited crush on one woman, is to be afflicted with a masculinity-destroying emotional disease, one that can be cured, naturally, by sexually subjugating another woman. Regardless of whether a Miscer is successful or is rejected in the pursuit of sex, the response is the same: “Sloots gonna sloot.”

Despite the Misc.’s obsession with women, it has the latent homoeroticism you’d expect of a website devoted to a male-dominated sport in which bronzed, muscled competitors get smeared with oil and put on thongs before preening onstage in front of other men. This is no more obvious than when discussing a “Chad.” While there is a 5,000-post thread asking what, exactly, defines a Chad, the consensus is that he’s shorthand for a tall, built, strong-jawed, big-dicked, thick-haired, financially successful, athletic, confident, funny, sociable man who, because of these eminently desirable qualities, has his pick of the XX-chromosome litter. You look at a Chad and say, “This guy fucks.” (The prototypical Miscer might be a “Sheldon,” minus any TV-driven connotations of high-level intelligence.) Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski is a stone-cold Chad. Chad Johnson of The Bachelor is a Chad, and not just in name. It’s no accident that “Chad” is one of the most generically white and straight names imaginable, nor that archetypal Chads are nearly always white and straight. The etymological origin of the name Chad is the Welsh word cad, meaning “battle,” a fact that would surely delight Miscers to no end.

The Misc.’s resident Chad is an Australian bodybuilder known by his Bodybuilding.com handle, Zyzz. In early 2010, Zyzz began regularly detailing his “aesthetic” lifestyle on the Misc. As the so-called and self-proclaimed “king of aesthetics,” and with the zingy catchphrases “U mirin’ brah?” and “U jelly?,” Zyzz became the preeminent demigod of the Misc., where he and his “Aesthetics Crew,” acolytes similarly lacking in shirts, body fat, and social grace, were #bodygoals and #squadgoals come to life. Pictures and videosof Zyzz fist-pumping shirtless in public, wrapping his tanned arms low around the waists of nipple-pastied ravers at festivals, adopting a Herculean pose while standing in a shopping cart—these were the icons of the Misc. religion. When Zyzz died of a heart attack in 2011 at the age of twenty-two, his death became the sixth-most-searched death-related topic in Australia that year. His Facebook page, still regularly updated, has over 400,000 likes.

Zyzz’s masculinity showed itself in vain but harmless demonstrations of grandiosity, but other headline-making Miscers have expressed theirs through violence and morally indefensible acts. Gable Tostee first became a Misc. star by posting screenshots of his Tinder and text conversations with women he “rooted,” or had sex with; he entered Misc. lore after creating an ill-advised thread titled “Regarding the balcony tragedy” in the wake of news that one of his Tinder dates had been found dead from a fall from his apartment balcony. (Tostee was later acquitted of murder and manslaughter.) A Miscer known as YaBoyDave secretly filmed himself having sex with women—“whale-smashing,” in Misc. parlance—and posted the videos on the Misc.; he served 10 months in jail and is now a registered sex offender.

Still worse was Luka Magnotta, a wannabe model whose desperately misguided attempts at fame led him to asphyxiate kittens on camera and, later, live stream the brutal murder and dismemberment of a Chinese student while music from American Psycho played in the background; he was arrested at an internet café in Berlin, alternately surfing for pornography and reading news stories about himself, and it was later revealed that he’d posted on the Misc. Most infamously, Elliot Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter, was active on the Misc., starting threads like “Why do girls hate me so much?” and “I’m tired of seeing losers with hot chicks.” In the latter thread, he recalled being “disturbed and offended” by seeing a “short, ugly Indian guy driving a Honda Civic” with a “hot blonde girl in his passenger seat.” It’s the bro’s classic sense of entitlement: Why should someone less masculine than me have what I know I deserve?

Miscers reaching toxic masculinity’s most violent nadir are mercifully few and far between. Yet the obvious connection between these people is one shared by the vast majority of the Misc. They’re young, white men whose social and sex lives are marked by absence or humiliating rejection, and their worldviews have likely been shaped by those failures. Rodger, for one, admitted in his autobiographical manifesto to having “never even kissed a girl.” He was an “incel,” or involuntarily celibate. “Not getting any sex,” he wrote, “is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth.”

A pervasive negative sense of self, of disappointment about one’s past and simultaneous anxiety and hopelessness for one’s future, is to the Misc. what the iceberg was to the Titanic: visible if you know to look for it, destructive if you don’t, and lurking below the surface all the same

The running joke about Miscers is that they’re all sad, awkward, forever-alone virgins who don’t lift and are on the only non-fitness-oriented section of a bodybuilding website because they can’t get their shit together. It’s revealing that one of the Misc.’s celebrities—there’s a 24,000-word condensed version of his “saga” on a fan-made website dedicated to him—is a weird, often clueless Everyman. He’s neither egregiously out of shape nor conventionally “aesthetic,” and his videos show a distinct lack of social awareness, a trait cultivated, presumably, by a life spent behind a computer screen and under a barbell.

Users of other Bodybuilding.com sections and other internet communities entirely propagate this idea of the Misc. as a cesspool of beta males with hopelessly futile aspirations of being alpha. “They have to be some of the most insecure dudes out there,” a Hypebeast forum user said of Miscers. On another forum, a user wrote that the Misc. is “filled with people [who] make fun of autism, while at the same time they themselves complain about their jobs, women, etc.”

More often, however, the call is coming from inside the house. Miscers reveal their vulnerabilities and problems in earnest with critically self-aware, self-deprecating posts. There are countless threads about “beta” topics like being a virgin (a Google search of site:bodybuilding.com “virgin” yields nearly 70,000 results), undergoing hair loss, not knowing how to normally interact with women, and giving up entirely. The Misc.’sRelationships and Relationships Help sub-forum would be more aptly titled “Sex: Help.” The “Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III” thread is “stickied” by moderators at the top of the Misc., indicating that it resonates with the community; “Part II,” before it got so long that a new thread had to be created, had 10,000 posts and 1.6 million views. After the two aforementioned pornographic threads of “petite/slim girls” and “athletic girls,” the most-viewed Misc. threads are one about “Beta/cringe” moments of social awkwardness and another that documents the 350-pound weight-loss journey of a Miscer named Wetbreasts. For many Miscers, undoubtedly, browsing those threads is either motivational or like looking in a mirror. Or both.

It might appear counterintuitive that unconfident, sex-deprived, socially awkward young men would congregate—by the millions—on a bodybuilding website. But that paradox is precisely what’s responsible for the Misc.’s enduring allure.

It goes like this: A young guy thinks that improving his body will improve himself, that lifting weights will make him more confident, which will make girls like him more, which will make him happier, which will get him laid. And so on. In search of guidance, he finds Bodybuilding.com, where, after analyzing fat-to-ripped or skinny-to-jacked transformation stories, he ends up on the most popular part of the website: the Misc. But in the Misc. he finds a different kind of self-help: a vibrant, active community of like-minded guys. Guys who’ve felt inadequate and lonely and somehow less than manly, who’ve struggled with women and friends and money and body image, who’ve laughed at internet jokes and self-referential image macros that no one found funny, much less comprehensible, in real life. With a newfound sense of solidarity, this young guy wades deeper into the Misc., a community that gets him, his worldview increasingly shaped by this bodybuilding subculture, his mind warped by the community’s devil-may-care, “LOL, nothing matters” ethos.

It’s this last quality of the Misc. that Miscers themselves most readily use to characterize the forum. They see the stupidity of getting worked up over little green internet squares. They don’t take themselves seriously—it’s a motley crew of dudes on a bodybuilding site, bro—so nor should anyone else. Their attitude, one adopted from the bro culture with which they’re intertwined, is predicated on actions not having consequences. Break shit and someone else will pay for it. Get blind drunk, scream offensive things in public, and your boys will carry you home. Sexually harass or assault a woman, more than one woman, dozens of women, and you’ll still be revered, promoted, elected. You’re just “bro-ing out,” man, be easy, be chill, have a beer, have a protein shake.

“bro that forum is a fucking laugh man, just need a sense of humour,” a Hypebeast forum user wrote, in a thread titled, “The misc section of the bodybuilding forums is full of clowns.” If you’re young, white, and male, with a sense of humor shaped by the internet and a sense of privilege shaped by, well, everything else, the Misc.’s “clowns” can certainly be hilarious. But the further you are from that in-group, the more those clowns start to look like a horde of disturbing, misogynistic Pennywises.

Zyzz was once your standard insecure teenager with bad hair and spaghetti-thin arms. “I remember feeling like a little bitch when I was out with girls, walking next to them and feeling the same size as them,” he said in an interview. Becoming “aesthetic” hid a profound insecurity. His no-fucks-given attitude hid a fierce desire to be wanted.

Miscers see only the mirage. To them, Zyzz was living, walking, flexing proof that an average guy could eventually open the door to the HBB-filled alpha-male kingdom by gaining confidence and an aesthetically pleasing body. But the king is no more. And not every guy in search of personal fulfillment finds the key to that door by picking up a barbell. Not every young, white male who’d otherwise troll Reddit or 4chan becomes, through bodybuilding, the type of bro who doesn’t spend time on internet forums because he’s too busy crushing it, whatever “it” is, in real life. The Misc.—an online fraternity of the average and awkward, a safe space of the resentful and lustful and doubtful—is for the bros still searching.

[allisonilluminated]

The Seven Sins of Fanfiction

Hey all,

This blog is primarily focused on helping newer writers (and maybe some older ones) improve their fanfiction and increase their views.  Since that’s the case, it’s important to understand exactly what not to do when you’re writing.

These are the worst things you can do while you’re writing.  I can guarantee everyone reading this post has done at least three of them, and probably all in some shape of form.  This is the sort of thing that makes you want to click away immediately, that you cringe at when it’s in the first paragraph or laugh at how bad it is.  These things that make you stop reading other stories, just think about it for a moment.  What if fewer people are reading your own work because you’re making the same mistakes?

Yeah.  If you want to improve, you gotta know what you’re doing wrong.  Number Seven is the least worst, then the list descends to Number One, the worst thing you can do in fanfiction.

Note: This is a subjective list.  There are people who disagree with some of these points (especially the non-grammar ones), so it’s important to remember that these are the things I find most degrading to the quality of the story being written.  As a writer, you have the creative liberty to write whatever you want.

#7 – Bad Romance

“Wo-o-o-o-o, o-o-o-o, o-o-ah, caught in a bad romance fanfiction but it’s the only 100k fic for my OTP so I’m like contractually obligated to read it.” - Lady Gaga, mostly

We’ve all been here.  You know that moment when two characters meet, then suddenly decide to kiss, and the next thing you know they’re screwing on the patio with some kinky ass BDSM shit.  What about those cringe fics where suddenly Harry is spouting some creepy possessive stuff like “my only” or “softest light of my life” to twelve year old Ginny.  You know what I’m talking about.

Good romance is an art.  It’s about flawed characters (later) coming together in a beautifully intimate way (later) to make something even more beautiful.  There is so much bad romance on FFN and AO3 that it just blows my mind.

Giving tips would take an entire post, so here’s a good article on the absolute basics you need to write a good romance: https://www.nownovel.com/blog/romance-writing-mistakes/

#6 – Bad Dialogue Tags

“No!” he howled.

“Yes,” she growled angrily.

She retorted snarkily, “Well, screw you.”

“Fuck you too,” he scowled sadly, before gratingly mumbling “I still love you though.”

Alternatively:

“No!” “Yes.”  “Well, screw you.”  “Fuck you too.  I still love you though.”

There’s a glorious word in this social construct we call English, and it’s “said.”  Use it.

You don’t need a fancy word for every tag.  You don’t need a fancy word for almost all tags.  Eighty percent of your tags should be said, exclaimed, and asked, and more of said than the others.  Maybe a whispered or a yelled for some flavor.

Adverbs are your enemies.  I struggle with this, but you should use them extremely sparingly.

On the flipside, if your reader doesn’t know who’s talking, your dialogue is meaningless to them.  Also, use line breaks every time there is a new speaker.

The trick is finding some happy medium between the two examples.  A handful of fancy tags, a lot of said, and if there are two people talking back and forth you don’t even need to tag every sentence.

#5 – Bad Messaging

I don’t want to put down an example for this one, because I think writers feel liberated to write some really awful shit in fanfiction because it’s “not a serious medium” or “it’s the internet, I have free speech.”  Let me say this right now:

Stories that make rape a positive thing are not okay.  Stories that portray suicide in a glorified light are not okay.  Stories that show slavery, or torture, or all of the other horrendous things human beings do to each other in a romanticized or glorified manner are not okay.

I don’t care if it’s your fetish.  I don’t care, it’s just not okay to write about these things in a positive light.  The only reason this is so high on this list is because these stories aren’t as common as the rest, and are mostly marked M/Explicit so you can avoid them.

#4 – Overdescription

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow – My Immortal

Oh boy.

Writers, let me introduce you to this wonderful thing called your profile.  Assuming you aren’t drowning in copypastas, this is the perfect place for your character descriptions.  Alternatively, have you heard of Tumblr? Literally, stick them anywhere except the middle of your story, and I can guarantee you the readers that actually care will find them if you mention them in your A/N.

Show, don’t tell is one of the fundamental principles of writing. When you’re describing a character, you probably don’t need more than three adjectives and a one sentence description of their outfit. Yes, that applies even if your character has a special non canon outfit.  If we must know, work the details into the story. Info-dumping description is telling, and is one of the worst world building and characterization mistakes you can make.  Period.

#3 – Epithets

The blond girl walked to the door, and started as a burly man opened it.  “May I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to get a consultation,” the graying businessman said as he ran a hand through his oily hair.

The youthful therapist nodded as she shut the door behind him. Rummaging on her desk, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“Well,” said the jaded economist to the buxom woman.  “This author thinks they’re being clever by not giving out names, but they’re ruining this story.”

The best way to get someone to leave your story is epithets.  

Epithets do not create mystery.  Epithets are not a good substitute for proper nouns.  Epithets will not make a clever opening, or add variety to your dialogue.

Epithets will ruin your story, and should not be used.

They come in varying degrees of horror.

The noun.  You might be able to get away with saying just “the woman” or “the child” under certain circumstances. This is almost an excusable offence.

The noun with one adjective.  This is already unacceptable. If you though you were going to solve Sin #4 by doing this, you’re digging yourself an even deeper hole.

The noun with one modified adjective.  Because they can’t just be sexy, they have to be shockingly sexy.

The noun with multiple adjectives.  This is automatically overdescription on top of being a horrible thing to subject another person to.

The noun followed by a relative clause.  Because there’s always a way to make it worse.  “The girl who was now holding his hand” is absolutely disgusting, and so is “The girl that was sitting across from her” or especially “the girl she knew had a chocolate bar somewhere in her pocket.

The noun followed by a relative clause with adjectives.  Put it together and what have you got?

Compound Epithets.  Oh. My.  God.  This deserves its own sin.  Even if your character has blue hair, you should never ever ever call them a bluenette.  Ever.  Ever ever ever. AAAAAAAAH!

The author has made her point.

#2 – Bad Grammar

I find bad grammar extremely agitating, mostly because there are a lot of great tools and easy fixes to solve the problems.  Most word processors have a built in spell checker, and a lot of them check for grammar as well.  If you need an alternative, grammarly.com has a good free version that’ll catch a lot of mistakes.  Of course, proofreading your work before posting is always a great idea.  Here’s a quick list of some of the most common grammar issues you should be on the lookout for:

A new paragraph for a new idea.

A new paragraph for a new speaker.

Dialogue formatting

Periods

Commas

Run on sentences

Using line breaks

Spelling

Capitalizing starts of sentences

Capitalizing proper nouns

Choosing CONSISTENT capitalization for canon terms (Pokemon vs pokemon, for example)

Repeated words.

Sentence fragments

Tense

#1 – Bad Characterization

“What?” you’re probably asking yourself right now.  “How is bad characterization possibly worse than poor grammar?  Than epithets?”

Allow me to explain.

When an author writes a story, a good story, they are creating characters who act like people.  They have wants, needs, hates, motives, and a concept of who they are, even if they’re only fictional.  The author gives them life, spirit, a spark that keeps you reading and wanting to learn more about them.

That sense of identity is what makes them real to us.  Why you binge a show on Netflix, or read a novel in one night.  Reading is a connection with these characters on a deeper level than you might realize, and this connection brings them to life.

Take that away, and your story is dead.

Your gray OOC Gary Stu overpowered Ravenclaw Harry who grew up with Snape and has a goblin half brother AU is not a story about Harry Potter.  It’s a story about an OC named Harry Potter, and Harry loses any integrity he had as a character in Rowling’s books.

That’s why there are fics with horrible grammar and massive following, alongside fics with incredible grammar and sentence construction but no followings.  Unless you maintain a basic level of your character’s identity, the essence of what makes them empathetic, you’re not writing about that character.  This is the worst sin, because even with all of the others in play, if there is good characterization you can still create an incredible story.

Just by fixing these seven problems, your fic can instantly jump from bad/meh to incredible in the way people perceive it.  Hopefully this list can help you determine things to either go back and revise or work on for future chapters.  When have you committed one of the seven sins?  What other sins do people make all the time in their writings?

Thank you to all of the amazing people who have followed, Allie

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