#this is a companion piece to my other post-2x15 fic

[bussanbaby]

The darkness inside the bedroom is heavy and still, curtains keeping out the shattered city lights and moon’s glow reaching  up into the windows. It’s almost too quiet, too serene and something pulls Alec from his sleep, but he tries to fight it, buries his face in the pillow with a soft grunt, arm reaching blindly out for Magnus to pull him back, because without his body pressed against his own skin, Alec always feels  cold.

 Once again, there is only empty space and the phantom of a body, the pillow laying askew and the sheets thrown back as if in a hurry.  Alec’s heart sinks in his chest and he feels infinitely more awake right away, eyes blinking rapidly to get used to the lack of light. He slips out from the bed, pads over to the door left ajar, no sign of life anywhere to be seen. Alec keeps his steps as quiet as possible, bare feet over wooden panels and multiple kinds of rugs until he stops by one of the pillars in the living room, leaning his shoulder against it, grainy brick sharp on his skin.

 He can make out Magnus’ silhouette against the balcony doors with the curtains pulled back, silver and watery moonlight falling around him like a halo, catching on the edges of his muscles and the wrinkles in the pajama pants he’s wearing. He’s standing completely still, a marble statue in a dark room, if it wasn’t for the movement of his chest with each and every measured breath.

 “Magnus?”

It all sounds too loud and Magnus startles, hands forming into fists at his sides, but when he turns and sees Alec, his posture falls as if he expected to see someone else. He immediately looks a little guilty, eyes darting over the furniture as Alec steps up to him, taking Magnus by the elbows.

 Only then the warlock tips his head up, slowly and hesitantly and there’s a deep-set weariness etched into the lines of his face that seems to become visible only after sundown, as that’s when the ugliest thoughts come out, dark corners of his home a reminder of old memories that linger around like dust motes.

 There have been ups and downs in their recent past and tonight seems to be another dip in Magnus’ mood. His hair is ruffled in the way that indicates he’s been repeatedly running his fingers through it and his eyes are shimmery, as if there were tears that were not allowed to fall.

 “Did I wake you?” Magnus asks, voice worn and raspy and Alec tightens his grip a little, thumbs pressing against soft skin and veins on the inside of his arms.

 He shakes his head, eyebrows drawn down with determination, but eyes kind.

 “No, but you should’ve.”

 It hurts Alec to see Magnus like this and to not be fully able to help him, instead limited to standing on the sidelines. If he could, he’d take all of those memories, share Magnus’ suffering, chase away all the ghosts tugging at his sleeves and shield him from anything the world throws at him. He would, but he can’t, because this is a path Magnus has to walk alone, it’s his grief to bear after all, so Alec just hopes what he can do is enough.

 “I know. I just-“ Magnus closes his eyes, swallows sharply, mouth thinning out into a straight line as he grinds his teeth together, a battle raging where it can’t be seen. “It’s been so good lately and I didn’t want to worry you. Tonight, I dreamed about my mother and since I woke up, every time I look at my hands they’re covered in blood.”

 Something colder than ice curls behind Alec’s ribs as he slides his fingers down Magnus’ forearms and grabs his wrists to bring his hands into a shaft of bright moonlight. There’s no blood, there’s nothing but warm skin and long fingers curling loosely in. Alec traces the lines inside of Magnus’ palms and the small crescent indents left behind by his nails; when Alec kisses Magnus’ hands with reverence, he hears him sigh tiredly from the bottom of his chest.

 “It was just a dream, Magnus, it’s okay.” Alec moves to embrace Magnus, pull him against his chest and something cracks in his heart when the warlock sags against him, letting down all of his walls.

 Magnus wraps his arms around Alec’s neck and presses their cheeks together as tears fall quietly from his eyes, every now and then a hiccup wrecking through his body, something strangely dignified about his pain. Alec holds him as tightly as possible, rocking them from side to side. Time doesn’t feel fleeting then, instead heavy all around them as Alec brushes soft kisses against Magnus’ temple and cheekbone, words falling from his mouth in hushed tones.

 “You’re doing so good.” He says. “I’m here. You have me. I love you.”

 Alec will repeat those truths until the end of time if necessary, because while there’s no way to put out the fire, they will walk through it together, shoulder to shoulder, because for Alec that’s what it means to love someone – to hold them in times of need and to stay faithful by their side, no matter whether it is a bright day or a middle of the night.

 They stay there until the sun rises, bathing them in warm tones, golden and bright and hopeful as a new chance starts before their eyes. Magnus’ tears have stopped, but they’re still wrapped up in each other, two heartbeats in sync as they stand and watch the world come alive through the glass. In that very moment, Alec promises himself that as long as he’s breathing Magnus will never be truly alone ever again.