#this is a LOT for someone your age
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#every period i am reminded that oh actually i do have feelings lots and lots of them and they're not going to be#pushed down for atleast a week no matter how hard i try and i can try to be chill and aloof all i want but really im just#oversensitive and lonely as fuck#i can't believe people just. handle emotions and life things simultaneously i can only do 1#like im really trying to focus and study but i keep feeling like i want to cry and i don't know why#i tried to write it down but it didn't help#it's all so eye opening being on my period it's like my brain saying nice try idiot but you don't want sex you need a hug!!#i don't even know if thisnie some sort of placebo effect or what like am i just blaming everything on hormones to be dramatic??#but like. who's watching. i have like 3 active followers. and nobody in real life#i don't know#one of the. effects of pcod was high hormones mood swings etc so i hope it's just that#this one hormone something from p i don't remember it was so high and out of the range it was scary and even the doctor was like whoa#this is a LOT for someone your age
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Soooooo after the new details that have been revealed about Veilguard, how do we all imagine a Solavellan reunion is going down? Trapped in the fade together? Lighthouse makeout sessions? A very sad mural dedicated to his Vhenan? My brain is infested with new headcanons.
#the brainrot is stronger than ever. I think that after 10 years it fermented into something slightly unhinged#they are living rentfree in the lighthouse (in my head)#someone wrote about some sad murals on the walls and I couldn’t take it anymore#Solas stop haunting your ex in the fade and make up already#challenged myself with this one! more detailed than my usual work and damn it takes long#foreverrr actually#takes a lot more planning than how I normally work#but I must say I’m happy with the results :)#dragon age#solas#my art#my fanart#dai#the veilguard#da: the veilguard#da:tv#solavellan#the dreamworld#dreadwolf summer#solas x female lavellan#solas x inquisitor#digital drawing#digital illustration#BioWare#dragon age art#art#daze chroma#dazechroma#solas dragon age#solasmance
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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friendship derived from peering at shit and hovering judgementally
#pretzel talks#the umbrella academy#rewatching season 2 and i CARE THEM#tua five#elliott gussman#i like elliott i think five needs friends his own age and outside his immediate family.. for his mental wellbeing#also elliott is dreadfully tolerant and rather knowledgeable#(weirdly. i notice a lot of what he says and does is the only thing keeping the fam in the loop)#which i think works with someone as abrasive as five. sometimes all a man needs is someone who tolerates your quirks and makes good coffee#sorry im thinking about tragic doomed friendships.. :[#weird old men times TWO
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...visdev really is my enrichment activity for i am just a bored tiger in my enclosure, looking to figure out how to get this steak out of this metal ball.
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my tmnt au (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)
tmnt au part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
tmnt au omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
lny visit 1 | 2
also uhhh... i guess still idw, next mutation, and like 1 mirage spoiler? mostly for the kids who haven’t but were planning to read/watch
you’re about to perceive so much
p r e p a r e
so close to getting this AU looking as crunchy as i want it, almosttttt tttthhhhhere...!
just somewhere tasty between Mignola’s use of deep black shadow, what MTV Liquid Television woulda greenlit re: The Maxx, a dash of 2007, 1 part Next Mutation, 2 parts funny proportions
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh str ugglingggg
Leo’s shortest because haha (family baby gang, get rekt)
this is so much thought for something I’m just doing to give these turtle ninjas some softness and the genx/millenial pop culture references gag comics
Splinter is full of ghosts
(specifically the onryo borne from the murdered Yoshi Hamato and Tang Shen [because oroku saki a bitch])
[ redacted ] and Tang Shen’s ghost gained control and guided Splinter to raise the boys in love and not [ redacted ] to [ redacted ] in [ redacted ]
Splinter was just a regular little rat... who on his 1000th birthday witnessed the death of his friend/unwitting master and his wife, and thus transformed into a wrathful kyūso (minus the kitten eating) and chased Shredder until losing his trail in New York
Shredder’s fuck around and Splinter’s rampaging as the find out caused the tengu to repo some of the mysticism from ninjutsu
now all the (remaining) ninja clans debuffed and mad about it
The tengu bestowed the ninja the ability to summon shit (kuchiyose), enact mystical effects upon people and objects (kuji kiri), going invisible, minor flight (actually just qinggong/light body technique), and manipulation of the 5 elements, and creating doubles (bunshin)
but again, Shredder fucked up so now ninja can like barely control anything bigger than a lit torch or a 16 oz bottle of liquid and that’s if you got in enough hours to do even that
I mentioned elsewhere but for me in any AU I make, Venus is a cultivator and the more I think about it the more I will die on this hill, not only does it fit better than her being a “shaman�� or “shinobi” it’s sick as fuck
Jennika’s origin was pretty fkkn metal, she still falls in with the Foot, gets shanked, Leo gives blood-- bam, turtle time
Jennika goes to hang with Venus in China and get a better understanding of her new turtle body
Keno’s here, still tried to infiltrate the Foot (with Jennika) but bugged out when she couldn’t stay without being made (Jennika refused to leave womp)
teaches Leo some arnis techniques for Leo’s dual wielding; Donnie also just in case his bo is shattered... again. :)
Irma has made all the boys blush at least twice
Irma is also soap opera buddies with Splinter
they meet up at least twice a month to gab, gush, and groan over what’s currently going on in their stories, when Venus visits she also joins in, Irma also has a conversational grasp on Japanese and Venus’ regional dialect because of these visits
April has a full out shoujo manga romance with Chu Hsi
and he’s a hot dragon prince uhuhuhuhuhu
Irma is privy to all the steamy details
keeping Leo and Karai as character foils
both received scars from one another
both released each other from sealing wards from [ redacted ]
now they just meet every so often to eat the greasiest fast food and unclench of an hour
Raph still gets his ass worked by Ninjara, folded like an omelette sat on a lawn chair
Vam Mi is also here, she’s fought first (because honestly she should’ve been either brought in earlier in the season or had a few more episodes because that shit coulda resolved better)
Venus is brought to NYC for this antagonist instead of Dragonlord escaping (and murdering her father figure forcing her to seek out his friend Splinter for aid)
Donnie doesn’t take the news of real vampires or real magic well
Donnie and Venus have a knock down drag out fight over it (because they’re 17 at this point and being li’l shits to each other about their respective fields of expertise)
“The nerds are fightingggggg!” cries Mikey, Leo and Raph don’t believe it so imagine their surprise when they get a demo in real time on how scary competent staff fighters are
Leo gets Splinter when one of Donnie’s missed strikes cracks the concrete
Splinter breaks them up like talking a walk in the park and it’d be comical if they both weren’t bleeding from the mouth and peppered with swelling contusions
Venus begins accepting Donnie when his tech prevents her from becoming a thrall of Vam-Mi
Donnie begins accepting Venus when she uses a massive amount of chi to manipulate gravity just before he becomes street pizza when Vam-Mi throws him off a bridge
they also combine skill sets to save Mikey so there’s that
Venus goes from calling Donnie, “Horatio (derogatory)” to “Horatio (affectionate)”
they now have a dumbass long-as-fuck handshake that’s unforgivably nerdy
April is still a magic drawing-brought-to-life baby, Venus puts her in a painted scroll when she starts phasing in and out of existence (she and Chu Hsi have a great time in the scroll... while everyone is shitting bricks until Venus and her sect stabilize her and get her made real, Pinocchio style)
April’s grandmothers gifted Venus 2 pieces of jade jewelry, and her family’s recipe for sweet potato pudding respectively for saving April
the boss fight against Dragonlord is dope as fuckkkkk, Chu Hsi is being cool as fuck, fiddled with some concepts* that has Leo and Karai being a champion of Genbu, Raph for Byakko, Mikey for Suzaku, Chu Hsi’s retainer (a good dragon, wink wonk) steps in for Seiryu because Donnie and Venus are siphoning and redirecting an enormous amount and variety of mystical power
*i’m just pulling from fushigi yugi honestly
splinter, the boys, and venus (and others) mutating from mutagen laced toxic waste was a pure accident
Splinter was investigating a lead on Shredder’s movements concerning the Foot the same night an animal liberation sleeper cell ‘freed’ some animals from the back of a pet store (that was a front for black market domestic and exotic animal trafficking) that is also the same night a stolen truck driven by some corporate spies filled with a competitor’s chemical waste, which then collides with said liberation sleeper cell’s truck and... ooze happens
Leatherhead, the Mutanimals, Mondo, Mona Lisa, Slash also get mutated from the events of that night, either leading up to or following the aftermath
plus some others etc etc
Venus still washes down the gutter, gets rube goldberg pinballed onto a crate of plums where Chung I finds her and still gets named Mei and taken to live in China and eventually learns to cultivate
Tokka and Rahzar get made, and unmade ala TMNT II; the mutagen made them a little silly tho, April adopts Rahzar and passes him off as a low content wolfdog, Leatherhead takes in Tokka
April went through a couple of major changes so now she’s a journalist with a computer programming background who now does a podcast as an informal neighborhood news reporter with a segment for chatting with people from around the street
Mikey’s the most frequent guest and co-hosts sometimes; Donnie troubleshoots free of charge
Venus brings her province’s regional delicacies when she comes to visit, Splinter and Leo both get pu er tea cakes (she managed to get one the same age as him; Splinter is too old so she got the oldest she could find, Leo has so many tea pets and a nice yixing collection); Raph, Keno, and Casey fight over the pickles, meat jerkies, and chili oil; Mikey has an artillery of cool shirts and a lifetime supply of haw flakes, Donnie has a mountain of doodads with increasingly specific uses, April gets neat accessories and the occasional care package sent with Venus from her grandparents, uncles, and aunties; Irma gets neat frames and coats that never fail to get a “Where did you get that??”
Raph rides a Kawasaki Ninja because it’s funny
A lot of bodegas give Mikey free snacks because the bodega cats love him, and he’s also saved some from being run over or ripped apart by stray dogs or the few large angry raccoons
Donnie’s the only one of his brothers to wear both a top and bottom with shoes because once he figured out how to integrate a motherboard and miscellany wiring onto clothing... he’s been a walking computing menace ever since
Splinter does his best to enjoy his time with his sons (because as a kyūso, he knows the chances of outliving his precious sons is very high (ᴗ‿ᴗ✿) ...give or take one of the many opponents and obstacles his sons take on takes him out first ( ◕ᴗ◕✿ ) )
god whathefuck, I was just going to make silly comics for them. how did it come to this.
#i'm so curious#some of you kids tag this shit as 2003#and i'm ???#i'm not subtle about being an elder millenial#or about who my childhood turtles were#i love trash#i love the next mutation#like is it to keep your tag active?#i feel like it's probably the thing#where someone assumes they're interacting with someone of their same xyz#which honestly? fair#a lot of the TMNT fans I see are 03 or 12 fans#there's a few other Turtlemania survivors around that I see#but not a lot of us#:(#...i'm still laughing at that poll#with the arbitrary age cut off being 37+#sorry poll op#it's just... it was literally oddly specific#ba dum tss#if you know why I used apples as a measurement...#...hahaha you also like Sanrio#if you know who I based Irma off of...#can you blame me#Nadia is who Irma would be#if she kept the cheek but mellowed out a li'l#so much weird shit happened to her#so of course she'd simultaneously be#blase cheeky and wry#visdev is my enrichment activity
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So um, in light of my last post I was inspired to look into other dsmp people's ages because I feel like we don’t really think about it too often and oh does it make things interesting…
Just for reference and consideration, here are some United States Legal Age Minimums:
Drive: 16-18
Adult: 18-21
Vote: 18
Drink Alcohol: 21
Political Office: 25 (Representative) 30 (Senator) 35 (President)
Military: 17-18
Also Note: On average the brain is scientifically not fully developed until age 25 - and oh wouldn't you know it 90% of the server fall under that, meaning no wonder we have a bunch of wars their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed and wouldn't you know it that part of the brain is responsible for regulating attention, behavior, and emotion as well as the processing that Actions Have Consequences... huh whelp that makes sense.
Anyways… age data is below (I didn't do everyone nor every event - nobody got time for that ;D... I didn't have time for this to begin with lol...) But I specifically want to highlight that not only was Dream 21 from Jan-Aug of his Imprisonment, but Sam was also 21 till Jun, and Quackity was literally 20 while he was daily torturing Dream... 20?! They were roughly a year apart, all of them so close. Like can you imagine, treating your peer like that? Sam is like a couple months older than Dream and that's it. Quackity can't even drink legally in the United States. That's insane...
(* to signify canonical Immortality)
Ok, so the full list of members and ages is at the bottom, but first, here are so key events I picked just to highlight their ages at the time.
Server Creation - April 24, 2020
GeorgeNotFound - 23 Callahan - 23 Dream - 20 Sapnap - 19
L'Manberg War - August 2, 2020
BadBoyHalo - 25 WilburSoot - 23 GeorgeNotFound - 23 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 Eret - 21 Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 20 Fundy - 20 Skeppy - 20 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 19 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 17 Purpled - 16 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Pogtopia vs Manberg War - November 16th, 2020
Philza - 32* BadBoyHalo - 25 HBomb - 26 WilburSoot - 24 GeorgeNotFound - 24 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 Karl Jacobs -22 Antfrost - 22 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 21 Technoblade - 21* Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Connor - 21 Schlatt - 21 Fundy - 21 Skeppy - 20 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 19 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Purpled - 17 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Exile - December 4, 2020
Ghostbur - 24 Technoblade - 21* Dream - 21 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Doomsday - January 6, 2021
Philza - 32* HBomb - 27 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 21 Technoblade - 21* Dream - 21 Fundy - 21 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 16
Disc Confrontation - January 20, 2021
HBomb - 27 BadBoyHalo - 25 Callahan - 24 Punz - 23 Antfrost - 22 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 22 Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 16
Quackity’s First Prison Visit - March 16, 2021
Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Quackity - 20
Techno's Visit- June 6, 2021
Technoblade - 22* Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21
Jailbreak - November 28, 2021
Philza - 33* HBomb - 27 BadBoyHalo - 26 George - 25 Callahan - 24 Punz - 24 Karl Jacobs - 23 Antfrost - 23 CaptainPuffy - 23 Foolish Gamers - 22 Eret - 22 Technoblade - 22* Awesamdude - 22 Dream - 22 Connor - 22 Fundy - 22 Skeppy - 21 Hannahxxrose - 21 Ponk - 21 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 20 Niki Nihachu - 20 Jack Manifold - 19 Purpled - 18 Ranboo - 18 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 17
Comprehensive List From Oldest to Youngest: Name - Date of Birth (Current Age) - [Join Date] Age when Joined
Philza- March 1, 1988 (36) – [Nov 16, 2020] 32 *Immortal*
HBomb- Jan 4, 1994 (30) – [Sept 22, 2020] 26
BadBoyHalo- April 2, 1995 (28) – [May 19, 2020] 25
Wilbur- Sept 14, 1996 (27) – [July 12, 2020] 23
GeorgeNotFound- Nov 1, 1996 (27) – [April 24, 2020] 23
Callahan- Jan 19, 1997 (27) – [April 24, 2020] 23
Punz- Jan 31, 1997 (27) – [July 7, 2020] 23
Karl Jacobs- July 19, 1998 (25) – [Aug 26, 2020] 22
Antfrost- Aug 27, 1998 (25) – [Sep 5, 2020] 22
Captain Puffy- Sept 18, 1998 (25) – [Nov 16, 2020] 22
Foolish Gamers- Dec 18, 1998 (25) – [Jan 16, 2021] 22 *Immortal*
Eret- Jan 9, 1999 (25) – [July 19, 2020] 21
Technoblade- June 1, 1999 (23) – [Sept 22, 2020] 21 *Immortal*
Awesamdude - June 8, 1999 (24) – [April 28, 2020] 20
Dream - Aug 12, 1999 (24) – [April 24, 2020] 20
Connor- Aug 26, 1999 (24) – [Nov 16, 2020] 21
Schlatt- Sept 10, 1999 (24) – [Sept 20, 2020] 21
Fundy- Oct 10, 1999 (24) – [July 7, 2020] 20
Skeppy- Jan 17, 2000 (24) – [July 18, 2020] 20
Ponk- April 18, 2000 (23) – [May 7, 2020] 20
Quackity- Dec 28, 2000 (23) – [Aug 11, 2020] 19
Sapnap- March 1, 2001 (23) – [April 24, 2020] 19
Niki Nihachu- Nov 3, 2001 (22) – [Aug 6, 2020] 18
Jack Manifold- Aug 14, 2002 (21) – [Aug 3, 2020] 17
Purpled- Oct 24, 2003 (20) – [July 9, 2020] 16
Ranboo- Nov 2, 2003 (20) – [Nov 17, 2020] 17
Tubbo- Dec 23, 2003 (20) – [July 7, 2020] 16
Tommy- April 9, 2004 (19) – [July 4, 2020] 16
They are all babies confirmed... things make so much more sense... brain development guys it's important ;)
#dsmp#dreblr#dsmpblr#c!dream#dsmp analysis#this is fine#dream smp#dsmp lore#dishing up lore#pandora’s vault#c!sam#c!tommy#c!quackity#c!sapnap#c!tubbo#c!ranboo#dsmp finale#c!techno#c!punz#c!schlatt#c!puffy#c!foolish#c!purpled#c!george#c!philza#I can't believe it Quackity be torturing a guy basically his age that's taller than him and Sam... omg I just... damn... it hurts...#yo if your 20 and 21 you should consider a career torturing someone... lots of fun...#so many people are older than Schlatt including Sam and Dream… wild…#when you realize that not only can the kids not hold ferderal gov office but the majority can't... lol. not even philza can run for pres#its late at night so there are likely errors... feel free to let me know or add on? or maybe I'll do a more thorough detail...
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While I love the storyline where Alfred was there from day one and helped raise Bruce, I think the original where he’s just some guy who shows up one day and Bruce and Dick just have to cope is extremely funny
#Alfred belongs in the family because he really is just as insane as the rest of them#he just knocked on their door and said I live here now#and both dick and Bruce are like ???#but then he learns their secret and he’s like cool!#I can also be a great detective!#and he isn’t but he really good at getting things accidentally#give me weirdo Alfred that becomes the respected father figure over time#and all the younger robins know him as the family butler who been there ages and knows Bruce better than anyone#and they’re like it’s really great he had someone when he was younger#and then they find out that’s not true#he was just a guy that showed up#and forced his way into the family#a lot like the rest of them#but it still absolutely throws them for a loop#so they try not to think about it too hard#can you imagine Gordon??#oh Bruce I didn’t know your family had a butler#oh we didn’t he just showed up one day#Gordon: ????#the fact that dick was part of Bruce’s life first#is something so personal to me#and the fact that he was there watching Alfred break and enter his way into the family#is something so funny to me#batman comics#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth
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some 5am thoughts bc my cat woke me up:
solo stan’s and solo behavior can kick rocks
there is no right or wrong way to use a tracked tag — ppl have lives and ppl are busy, don’t get mad bc someone isn’t reblogging something within 2 hrs of it being posted. some of us use a tag to catch up since we’re too busy to be here 24/7, that’s not a bad thing.
if you’ve never ever ever spoken to someone personally you don’t get to speak on who they are as a human being. if you’ve never actually reached out and had a convo with someone abt who they are you’re doing a disservice to them and yourself when you just assume things abt them based on perception instead of fact
most importantly HOBI IS HOME so let us celebrate 😌🎉✨💖
#.txt#been thinking abt 2 & 3 a lot lately#you don’t know anyone beyond their fandom blog 90% of the time#what you see of me here is like a tiny fraction of who i am#and if there’s never been any effort to learn beyond that then …..#then don’t get mad at your preconceived notions of who someone is 🤷🏻♀️#the internet is crazy and since ppl put so much of their lives out there ppl get entitled and think everyone owes them everything#no one gets privacy or free time anymore in the age of the internet#and i value those two things very heavily. and so should you. there’s a life outside tumblr dot com
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09 soapghost au, ghost was a member of soap’s unit before roba and they were together until he was taken. when he comes back and takes up the ghost mantle, simon riley is declared KIA and the hope that soap had let kindle in his heart that he’d come back to him dies. he throws himself into training, into becoming captain so he won’t let down another soldier the way he let simon down
then he recruits ghost to the 141 and ghost sees how much he’s changed, how much harder he is; slow to smile, never relaxing and he realises how much he fucked up by never reaching out. he’d thought he’d be better off without him, without the shell of the man he used to love but he’d done nothing but hurt him
after the close call with shepherd, soap wants to get right back into it, wants to hunt makarov down for almost getting his sergeant and lieutenant killed and ghost is yelling at him to just take it easy and heal first when soap snaps back, “i can’t lose anyone else! not again!” and ghost just rips his balaclava off, showing his face for the first time in years…
and soap says nothing. he just looks at him, completely unreadable. ghost clenches the balaclava in his hand, waiting for anything; even injured, soap can still pack a mean punch and he’s waiting for it, almost hoping for it… but he still does nothing. just stares
“well? c’mon!” he growls, stalking in closer. “let me have it! tell me how pissed you are! that i left you alone! that i ruined you the moment i touched you! that you regret ever fucking looking at me! scream, shout, say something!” until he’s leaning over soap’s chair, chest heaving
soap’s hand lifts and ghost can’t help his flinch before planting himself, ready to be struck, longing for it, to be punished the way he punishes himself-
soap’s hand gently cups his cheek and he freezes, breath catching as his thumb caresses the snake bite scars on his lip; feather-light and reverent. just like he used to
“you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you”
#i am not immune to the romantic scene of all time ft mr stoic how to train your dragon 2#og soap is Young for a captain#like even if we arent given a canon age hes still like 30s maybe 40s if were pushing it#i dont know a lot about military shit but that seems young to me#so just soap who let himself become cold and focused everything on forcing himself to be better faster strong to protect everyone#until he finds himself as a captain of his own elite unit#handpicking men#and if he loses a single one it will be unequivocally his fault bc he chose them to be here#even ghost#this man that has no history beyond a few years of military service#no name no family even getting his blood type out of him was like pulling teeth#but sometimes#sometimes his complaints ring just a little too familiar#the way he holds himself tugging at his memory#even the way he idly flips a knife when waiting to be called in to interrogate someone#he doesnt dare to hope not when hope has never gotten him anywhere before#but then ghost takes the balaclava off and his walled off heart beats anew#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk to me ghost#soapghost#ghostsoap#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#soap cod#ghoap#09 soapghost#09 ghostsoap#save post
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#dragon age#dragon age poll#dragon age polls#poll#dragon age origins#ok now I have no opinion either way on whether Alistair is lactose intolerant#but I want to get in before people say his love of cheese means he can’t be lactose intolerant#as someone who has studied biochemistry I can tell you that cheese has almost negligible lactose#most of it gets broken down in the cheese-making process#and even people who have absolutely no ability to digest lactose can consume about 250mL of cow milk a day before getting serious symptoms#bc it’s not an allergy it’s just that your stomach can’t digest it so the bacteria in your bowel do it for you#and they produce a lot of gas in the process which causes the symptoms#BASICALLY someone who’s completely lactose intolerant can eat so so much cheese before getting serious symptoms#sorry to be a nerd about it but as you can imagine there are very few opportunities day-to-day to talk about biochemistry
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Was Celia drunk as fuck or is this something supernatural?? 👀
Who the fuck is Jack?? 👀
Alice is such a delight, I love her!
Oof so one or both of them have trauma involving grandparents then.
I love Samama & Alice so much. 💜 They have a great dynamic!
Oh shit, right, Gwen is probably still getting over Mr. Bonzo too. 👀
"I just… I dunno. When I left the coffee shop, it felt like someone was following me."
Please don't take away Alice, she's one of my faves! I hope this post doesn't age poorly. Watch me have to quote this post very soon.
OH NO, is it that [ERROR] following her??? 😰
"Don’t joke about that, mate. I was dreaming about it all day." Okay, yeah, that's a creature.
Sam & Alice are both about to run into a creature... 👀
"Classifying unspeakable horrors all night for no discernible reason?" @/entities-of-posts & @/which-entity-this-post-serves is that you? :]
Hmm, now why is this episode called "marked?" I assumed Mr. Bonzo was gonna find his mark, but maybe Alice is marked by an entity/creature that was locked in the Magnus Institute?
"giving up the ghost" okay so someone saw an apparition? Honestly not sure what entity this episode is about so far.
It's giving The Corruption ✨🧟♀️⚰️ (maybe The Buried)
"It’s just that one of the graves had a body in that was too well-preserved for the age it should have been." 👀👀👀
This thing is about to jump out of the grave & run off, isn't it? 🏃♂️
"The back was completely covered in this complicated tattoo of a ship sailing across an open sea towards an open horizon." Peter Lukas?!?!?
Oh 100% The Buried, without a shadow of a doubt.
Lots of tattoo & carvings in walls imagery in this sequel prequel sidequel, isn't there? 👀
Hey wait, that's Ink5oul from episode 2, isn't it? 👀 Ink5oul definitely feels like a conduit or vessel for The Flesh or some other kind of entity.
Okay, there's something weird going on with this place, the salt water & waves near this cemetery are kind of seemingly enticing them to come drown in it's waters. In the very least it's messing with these guys' mental states! Pretty freakkyyyy! 👀🌊
Also the repeated emphasis on dreams is interesting this episode, wonder if that'll play a part in something later on. 👀👀
"If it’s any consolation, he’s with the sea now. The deep will care for his bones." I literally called it!!
I think Gordon Alan Johnson also wants to be with David. 👀🌊🌊
I think Gordon Alan Johnson also wants to be with David. 👀🌊🌊
I don't know, Gordie, I think you did it! Unless Ink5oul is collecting tattoos like an alternate universe version of the Leitner books. Wait yeah, what if the tattoos are like conduits for the entities of this world or even the original one? 🖌
Another way to look at this is asking... Is The Deep a new entity/fear or is it a servant of a fear like The Vast? I stg there was a colossal water monster at some point in The Magnus Archives!
Okay so yeah, there's already a precedent for this. Also feels like The Lonely, The Buried, The Corruption, The Vast, & maybe even The Flesh are all involved in this one though I don't know if Flesh (Ink5oul) is working with or against the other fears at this time.
Gwen, you can tell your coworkers what's wrong, oh my fucking god. Please. Celia, you have me so invested in whatever is going on with you.
Weird unexplained noise at 17:44 too as Celia enters the office. Wonder what that's all about, maybe it'll come up later on.
"He is one of our Externals." Okay; so, there's more of them & they have their own secret hitman title too!
Mr. Bonzo when he was on TV
"And they usually like it." I bet fear creatures do like it when you scream. That makes a lot of sense actually.
Also what's that weird "boowomp" noise as they're talking or is it just the OST? 👀
Is Gwen going to be turned into something not quite human at some point? Just throwing darts at a board with that speculation, but wouldn't that be wild?
Okay; so, these little digitized noises are absolutely important!
I wonder how many times & when people have lied so far throughout this season. 👁️👁️
#someone should draw those two ( sam & alice ) in the style of that show at this rate. I have more questions every week i stg#is mr. bonzo gonna find his mark or is Alice dyer marked by [ERROR] place your bets!#okay so themes of coffins; decay; & rotting things; feels like the corruption or maybe even the buried#I stg if that weirdly aged guy is Peter Lukas somehow I'm gonna scream; it's an AU; anything can happen#Love seeing Ink5oul again; it's cool that they aren't just a one off character & are getting involved in the greater story#leitner tattoos canon??? maybe?? is this the equivalent of jurgen leitner books?? perhaps#the big water monster is giving The Vast energy; a lot of these feel like fear entities collaborating in this world#now I'm curious who the other externals are... is ink5oul one of them? They seemed to delight in reactions.#is this government organization called the magnus institute or what do they call themselves now? also who is mr bonzo after?#I wonder if the black ops guys that showed up to that charity place on hilltop were a counter organization or the government?#mine#op#tmagp liveblog#tmagp 11#tmagp spoilers#tma spoilers#tma#tmagp#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol
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Hii!! so i just want to say first that i love love the way you write dmc fanfics. The way you just understand them, makes all their action seem like something they'd do. And well, if it doesn't bother you, may I ask a few advices on how to write Vergil, young and current? I'm trying to write a story and I think your input would be very helpful since you're probably the most accurate Vergil writer there is. Thank you andI just want to say that your fics helped me out a lot mentally. Thank you for bringing the characters to life 🫶
You just left me floored, loved to death, giggling like a 7 year old in public, and I thank you wholeheartedly for that 🖤🖤
First of all, thank you SO much for your words - and wow, I am absurdly flattered that you think so highly of me as a writer, really! I mean, I'm just writing my crazy shenanigans here, I don't expect much hahahaha words like yours make my day and, honestly, you made my whole week!
I am SO happy what I write helped you mentally. I do write to help myself in that regard too, and seeing I was able to have an impact on someone else, it makes everything worth it. That's what Dante would have wanted :')
Asking me for advice doesn't bother me AT ALL! Feel free to ask anytime you want it - by all means I see myself as someone so good as to give advice, but I've gained some experience and it's always good to share! Maybe I'll say something that makes sense to you!
So, without further ado, a few advices on writing Vergil - young and current - down the cut 'cause I haven't written it yet, but knowing myself, I know it's gonna be big :)
(spoiler: it's huge *puts on fool hat and jingles away*)
I sprinkled some things here and there about Dante and Vergil on this blog, but I think it'll be nice putting it all together in one place!
I recently got an ask about which MBTI personality I think it's Dante and Vergil, and there's a LOT on BOTH of their characters in there. You can find it here.
(I won't repeat the things I wrote there, 'cause oh boy this one's got bigger than I expected)
But oh, Verge, this little emotionally constipated goth man *sighs* he's Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. I'm not even joking.
But all of that aside, I do keep a few things in mind when writing him. I've said before I have many similar personality traits with him and I think it makes it easier for me to write this little bitch (affectionate).
Vergil is pretty much shaped by his trauma. You could argue Dante is as well, but differently from his twin brother, Vergil never really found acceptance. Yes, the twins lived through the same thing but the fact that Eva managed to save Dante and not Vergil is crucial to both characters.
Dante has survivor's guilt and depression from all that happened. He can't keep a deep connection to save his life, 'cause he keeps everyone at bay - he thinks his demonic blood is a curse and he is the reason everyone perishes. So it's best if people keep away from him.
But even with that, Dante loves being around people. It's what makes him so fond of his human part and, in my opinion, it's what made Dante healthier than Vergil. He seeks connection and humanity, he wants to use his strength to protect the weak - like Eva once used hers and sacrificed herself to protect and save him. That is crucial to Dante's character.
Vergil, in the other hand, believed for a LONG time he was left for dead. That his mother chose to save his brother because she loved Dante more and Vergil was left to die. He was left all alone in the cold, in a cemetery filled with demons who slaughtered him in quite a gruesome manner. If he hadn't find the rage, strength and power inside of himself that day, he wouldn't have survived.
Vergil learned he is on his own, his own family didn't love him (even if he was wrong, that's the impression he had for a LONG time) and the only one he could count on was himself. That made him withdraw completely: be wary of people and their intentions, shut himself to the world, allow only strength and power to come through his personality and keep his vulnerabilities and feelings shut down in the darkest and most protected place of himself because if he didn't, that could be his death.
Vergil didn't learn to protect the weak, because he wasn't protected when he was weak. He learned to survive, because when he needed the most, no one was there and his own will was the only thing that could save him. If he had given up, he would've died - no one would come, no knight in shiny armor, no powerful protecting demon, no sacrificing loving human mother.
✨That's why he's an asshole✨
Hahahaha jokes aside, that's why he's so laser focused on power, I think. When he was younger (around DMC 3), he finds Dante again and there's a hatred for his brother because he believed he was left to die and wasn't loved as much as Dante (as always, our red devil being a clueless himbo who just got lucky to be around Eva, poor guy). He wants to prove he is better than Dante, that he was worth something, that he too was worth saving - even more than his brother.
To some extent, up until that moment in DMC 3, Vergil is better than Dante (regarding power). He's got a lot of knowledge and control over his demonic heritage, things Dante didn't even know he could do. But Vergil is so blinded by his hurt and in so much pain he can only deem himself worthy if he beats Dante down, if he wins, if he gets all the power in the world.
I don't think he ever wanted to kill Dante - he just wanted to win. Like a kid, going "see, mom, dad, I win, I'm worth as much as Dante!!" - quite tragic, really.
With his power thing, it's not a desire for power for it's own sake, but as an armor. Given everything that happened to him, that Vergil has this thing of "only I can protect myself and I can count only on myself to save my life", it's very understandable that his logic takes him to the path of "if I am the most powerful being in this world, I will never bleed and I will never hurt again".
So, even if he says on the outside he is power hungry because he wants to honor his demonic heritage and humans are weak, on the inside it's actually that he's trying to carve his heart out from himself so he won't feel nothing and stop hurting - as well as gain all the power he can so NO ONE can make him feel scared, vulnerable, weak and powerless like he did that night when no one appeared to help him.
Vergil hides his pain under a mask of cruelty and hubris - since being honest means being vulnerable to him and that is something he's got a deep aversion to.
Current Verge has dragged himself out of Hell in a crumbling body. If Dante hadn't "killed" him as Nelo Angelo, he probably would've never been free of his shackles with Mundus, but once again he was left for dead (even if not intentionally, I know Dante would have gone through all the layers of Hell to bring his brother back, but VERGIL doesn't know that). Once again, Vergil had to muster all his will, his power, his demonic heritage to drag himself out of that godforsaken place.
He didn't know Nero was his son, he just took Yamato back 'cause he didn't really had time to explain everything that was going on. Vergil was on the brink of death, it's not like he could think logically about everything he was doing and weight pros and cons. He needed to survive. That's what he does.
It's only when he separated his human and demon parts that he came to realize a bunch of things - because Vergil never really had time to do anything else other than surviving; and thinking too much, going over your feelings and past trauma, doesn't do anything good when you're stuck in survival mode (been there, done that).
After he gets both of his parts together and goes back to being Vergil, he knows a lot more than he did before, because V allowed his heart to feel and to process all that pain he didn't allow himself to process before - because if he did, he would probably break, like V himself was falling to pieces.
He knows his mother loved him. He knows it wasn't Dante's fault. He knows it was all a tragedy and no one is to blame - he knows he wasn't left there to die: Eva died trying to get to him. It honestly changes everything he's been thinking for the past 40 (if I'm not wrong...?) years.
That's why he wonders, if he was in Dante's place all those years ago, would that change something? And honestly, it probably would. Because everything Vergil did was from a wound he couldn't bring himself to heal from that fateful night.
Therefore, current Vergil is a lot more accepting to his feelings - but internally only, he won't let it show. He also understands his thing of wanting to surpass Dante wasn't his brother's fault and it's something he has to work on.
Not saying he won't be a little bitch sparring with Dante all the time and keeping score over stupid stuff, because that's EXACTLY how these two function - but now Vergil is fueled by healthy sibling rivalry and fun instead of inferiority complex and pain/hatred.
Vergil's path is a lot similar to Anakin from Star Wars: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to the Dark Side of the Force. If the Jedi Council had understood Anakin's upbringing as a slave, his deep love for his mother - and for all the beings on the Universe, I argue, because he did want to become a Jedi to free all slaves - his overflowing empathy, his deep feelings, his love for Padmé, etc., Anakin wouldn't find himself vulnerable to the grooming of an older man who saw all this and took the opportunity to twist it all to make him feel pain, fear, anger and hate.
If Qui-Gon Jin had trained Anakin he would've never turned to the Dark Side, I will DIE on this hill and fight EVERYONE, even if I love Obi-Wan
Star Wars ramblings aside, that's Vergil in a nutshell. And I think with him older, currently, he can finally see all of that, because he had a chance to be just demonic, as Urizen, and just human, as V - noticing how everything that happened to him shaped him to feel pain, fear, anger and hate, doing desperate things to protect himself and feel safe.
I argue Vergil hasn't felt safe for a single day in his whole lifetime, and that matters. Because in the end, that's how I write him: a wounded stray dog who knows only pain and hatred from the outside world.
If you try to approach him, he'll first bare his teeth, bark and try to bite you - not because he's mean, but because he's stuck in survival mode and that's his first response to ANYTHING. Just like a wounded stray, you have to approach carefully, offer kindness and show him you're not there to hurt him.
And just like a stray dog, he'll eventually melt and accept that kindness - he just has NO IDEA how that feels like.
✨What about Nero's mother, I hear you ask?✨
Hahahaha so that one I have some doubts myself. I often imagine two scenarios and I still haven't chose one of them to satisfy my heart HAHAHAHA
That might be me projecting, of course, but because of ALL THAT, I don't see Vergil as being open to relationships and one night stands - he takes things too seriously, and that's part of his character.
He either decided to try it out empirically with a one night stand with someone who was kind to him and he wanted to understand that kind of experience to understand himself better and out of curiosity (look, I know this sounds crazy, but that's exactly what I did on my first kiss with a super random guy at a party and I was like "oh, well, that's not for me, I'm gonna stick to kissing people I love, this sucks" and it took a weight off my shoulders)
oooooor he was treated with kindness for the first time in his life and that broke him for a while, he melted under a soft touch and gentle words and couldn't resist trying out new experiences he only had by proxy from his books - and when he woke up next morning, he was reminded how broken he is, how powerless, how not worthy of love not even from his own mother, and left because that would lead to nowhere. Because of him. Because he wasn't worth it - she probably fell for his looks, his heritage, his outside, but when she knew his inside she would run in horror.
Again, Vergil has a lot of issues, the poor man.
When I'm writing Nemesis, we have young Vergil - laser focused on power, proud as fuck, stepping over anything and everything to get what he wants, because life favors the ones who survive. The weak ones should die, that's the law of the jungle and he won't waste his time saving those who can't do it for themselves like he did for himself. When he sees the reader struggling to keep fighting him to protect others, he sees not only Eva, but himself in a will of a survivor who will go through excruciating pain to save themselves. He values that and admires that - admiring the reader as an enemy and having utmost respect.
When he's older, he's trying. And he has a LOT to learn - but his partner has to understand he's the stray dog who knows nothing but harshness. Vergil is quiet, methodical and disciplined, knowing how to live only with himself as company. But now he has a family: he has his brother back, he has a son, he has the whole crew to live alongside him. That's new, harrowing and comforting at the same time.
So, when in doubt, think about how a wounded animal would react - and how you would have to act to be able to approach and help.
Vergil, differently from Dante, is forever stuck in survival mode and has forsaken his humanity so he could keep going. As a younger man, he's ruthless and won't spare efforts to get what he wants because he is desperately trying to not feel vulnerable and worthless as he usually feels. As an older man, he's trying - in his own stupid Mr. Darcy way - to recover, to understand himself better and finally heal that horrible wound in his heart.
But of course. He is still proud, observing, regal and prone to overkill here and there and showing off his skills. These are all inherent to his personality.
(Also. Vergil enjoys some dumb fun sometimes - he only lets it show a tiny little bit when competing with Dante over ANYTHING. If Dante says he can eat a cheeseburger in three bites, Vergil will go above and beyond to eat it in two. Everyone thinks he's just being stupidly competitive with Dante and wants to win against his brother no matter what, but that's just his way of being fun)
Phew! That's quite a lot on the blue devil! Hahaha it isn't everything I keep in mind - of course there are the other things like him being reserved, more on the quiet side, intellectual, methodical, a lover of beauty (like literature, philosophy, poems, etc.), stupidly independent... But I think those traits are more "worldwide" known.
If you take all his trauma and how it affected him into consideration, I think, his personality follows easily. You understand a lot better how he would react in certain situations - in the end, that's what being a writer is all about: creating characters and watching how all of them react to situations given their backgrounds and baggage!
I'm so sorry it's such a HUGE answer, but I do hope it helps. There's a lot to unpack and I didn't want to just "oi, he's a traumatized asshole, that's it" - because you miss the nuances if you just work with that perspective.
Thanks a lot for asking, though, I had fun writing this little essay on Vergil, the man, the myth, the legend HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hope you have a nice weekend and have fun writing!! If you need any advice, even on writing in general, you can always ask me again! As you can see, I'm happy to help and I do love sharing what I know xD
#polaris speaks#asks#answered asks#anon ask#vergil#vergil sparda#character analysis#character breakdown#one hell of a breakdown apparently I had one too while writing this HAHAHAHA#so sorry anon for the essay but like Vergil I don't speak too much in real life but if someone asks me to write OH BOY#I'm only shutting up next month#also I do have a character sheet I downloaded ages ago that I ALWAYS use to create my original characters and stories#it helps a lot to write after filling it up#so if you guys are interested I can share the main topics that help the most when writing/understanding characters#also anon feel free to share your writing with me when you're done!! I'll be happy to see it!
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fnsdkfnsjkdfaskdjfaskjdl taash' level 1 bond description (the 'associate'/'contract killer'/'fellow necromancer' sort of blurb under their level on the companion screen) is just 'Here'. taash. you have to understand. I know you don't give a fuck, but to me, you are perfect
#they're literally just here#god forbid enbys do anything: the character. I have known them personally for five minutes and I would lay down my life for them#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#taash#this got such a good laugh out of me I've been having a real slow cumbersome morning of it but this brought me back to life#I brought harding with me on this one (as a treat! meet your future spouse and also congrats on them jesus christ)#and i imagine rye running around like '...y'know. I miss lucanis. when he isn't here.' and harding is patiently like 'yeah we know'#and then the note you pick up about the grey warden upset to be parted from their... buddy? unless... at the reassignment#PEAK accidental environmental storytelling going on here. rye automatically assuming they'd go in quietly and stealthily for an ambush#and taash just jumping out. you have been working too much with someone on the same wavelength as you babyboy you forget these things#I'm creating emergent narratives you wouldn't believe out here#the contrast of how rye's whole little goth deal looks in cutscenes in the necropolis vs. under the bright rivaini sun tho fhdskjfsa#out of their element but game to give it a shot. I'm good with sand the necropolis has a lot of sand
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i just want to extend a reminder to every minor on here. please be careful. please do not post nsfw. please do not interact with adults who have a) stated they don't want to interact with minors or b) create nsfw content. i get that it's not going to stop minors from consuming said content but for your safety and theirs be careful.
#auburn's rambles <3#this was absolutely prompted and it's been prompted for a while#i know a lot of minors follow me and some of the things ive seen my mutuals mutuals say is . Concerning#i know you're interacting with fellow minors but be careful because you never know when someone could prey on you#and also please tell people you're a minor in your bio#ageless blogs don't help anyone establish those boundaries#your actual age is nobody's business but the fact that you're a minor is important#i know im mom-ing right now but seriously#be careful you guys.
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Ppl who unironically believe gege hates gojo baffle me because???? That's their character??? That's literally one of the characters they've put the most time into thinking about??? We know so much random shit about gojo bc gege keeps doing interviews about him???? Gege gave gojo his own custom infinity halo and everyone else gets the boring normal halo???????? Have y'all ever had a really good oc??? The best ocs get put into the fuckin WORST situations bc that one's interesting enough to make the situation worth it
#gege akutami#like literally badfling to me that 30 chapters after gojo dies he's still getting panels in the story#and he still gets illustrations left and right where I haven't seen like hanami in fuckin AGES#and y'all still out here saying with your whole entire chests that gege hates gojo????????#THE GOJO THAT'S A LITERAL PILLAR OF THE THEMES IN THIS STORY???????#THAT GOJO SATORU??????#also jjk is a tragedy it would be fucking UNFAIR to exclude one of the best characters from the tragic themes#like he got to fulfil his role in the story so fucking well there's a gaping hole left in the story now and that's bc gege likes writing hi#otherwise he wouldn't be that significant of a character#gege would give that weight to someone else that he liked writing for better#gojo is the way he is bc he is a character that is LOVED#sorry I just have a lot of thoughts#also it says a lot about some of y'all's reading comprehension that bad things happening=author hating character#gege said he likes nanami but I haven't seen HIM brought up with that much significance a lot recently#like no gege likes gojo y'all just can't handle a tragedy being tragic on your blorbos
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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