#this involved an absolutely amazing parody of me being annoying

[silverserpent]

imma overshare here, but

I was told that, paraphrasing, "Silver is the one who understands their body-y feelings are emotions the best, and they are very open about it, so they are very annoying"

Right now, I'm alcoholed so i feel like I got complimened. (Complimenter is alcoholed too.)

but i am putting the criticism away for later

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

[deltaengineering]

Summer Anime 2019 Part 1: no more intros

Araburu Kisetsu no Otome-domo yo. / O Maidens in your Savage Season

❓ There’s an outbreak of puberty in a high school literature club and things get really awkward really fast.

✅✅ This doesn’t pull any punches with the horny content and it’s hilarious.

✅ I like the characters as well, they seem to have a bit more to them than normal but they’re still likeable.

✅ Nice looking and well directed.

♎ Mari Okada’s trademark blunt writing is still there, though it works better here than it usually does. She really has gotten a lot better since she started writing more personal stuff instead of just vague supernatural seishun feels.

 Dr. Stone

❓ A mysterious disaster turns everyone on earth into stone. Several millennia later some shounen characters are the first ones to awake and they do some caveman chemistry.

✅  The idea is pretty novel by Weekly Shounen Jump standards.

♎ I have to say that for a WSJ joint, the writing is fairly tolerable as well. It’s still dumb, but not insultingly so.

❌ But in the end, it’s still WSJ and you’re still just watching a bunch of terrible looking meatheads doing basic science on the level of a YouTube primer and shouting about how awesome that is using assorted catchphrases.

❌ And it’s on the same day as another shounen-ass shounen, to which it is inferior. More on that later.

Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru / How Heavy are the Dumbbells you Lift?

❓ Doga Kobo x bodybuilding

♎ This is possibly the least surprising anime of the season, because all you need to know is what the Japanese bodybuilding meme is and what Doga Kobo usually does. Well, there’s no loli this time at least.

✅ Not surprising + Doga Kobo = looks good

♎ It’s not exceedingly funny but it’s competent enough at comedic timing.But some one-note jokes (such as Akemi being thirsty for muscle) get old.

✅ Doesn’t rock my socks off but it’s alright for the time being. Pretty competent and with room for improvement with more characters.

Enen no Shouboutai / Fire Force

❓ A boy with a hero complex becomes a firefighter. Since this is a shounen universe by the author of Soul Eater, this is rather literal: Get ready to punch fire demons.

✅ You ready for some DUMB ANIME SHIT? Because this is a lot of that, in a good way. In particular is gets the tone right and is neither too clowny nor too grim. Mostly.

✅✅ Looks amazing. The production is top notch and the fire is especially impressive - it better be, because there’s a lot of it. The design is also good.

❌ Shounen writing rears its ugly head again. I don’t expect subtlety, but a dozen flashbacks to Shinra’s not-very-complicated backstory plus his incessant insistence on being A HERO are not a good sign at all. At least this time the blah is limited to the thematic core instead of everything.

✅ I was entertained for now, but I’ll have to see if the good production values can keep it up and make up for the simplistic core in the long run.

Granbelm

❓ Average girl becomes magical, summons a mecha and gets involved in a magical mecha fighting ring.

✅ This looks pretty neat, seeing as it is made by the Re:Zero team.

✅ Since it’s an original, there is much less LN jank in the writing though.

♎ Still feels mostly like a mashup of very generic anime tropes - reminiscent of Mai-Hime, of all things. It might go somewhere, but might just as easily not.

♎ In particular, it might start copying Re:Zero’s derpier aspects. It already has a fondness for the ragefaces.

✅ Since it’s not in fact isekai, it is allowed to throw shade on isekai.

Joshikousei no Mudazukai / Wasteful Days of Highschool Girls

❓ Some highschool girls chat about boys and whatnot.

♎ There really isn’t much to say about it, to be honest. The characters are okay but very archetypal, it looks average, and the humor is neither amusing nor particularly annoying. It seems to have a severe lack of personality - especially compared to Maidens, which is this show with the safety off.

❌ It is, however, just far too long. These kind of mild 4koma antics wear out their welcome at full length and without anything else it becomes tedious. All the segments feel disjointed and random anyway, so there’s really no upside to yawning through 24 minutes of it.

Kanata no Astra / Astra Lost in Space

❓ Several anime characters get lost during summer camp on a distant planet and have to find their way home in an FTL spaceship they stumble across.

♎ Speaking of archetypal characters - you couldn’t put together a more anime cast together if you were making a parody. You got your spiky-haired protagonist, dim genki girl, big boobed shy fujoshi, sparkling ikemen, brooding rival, androgynous twink, glasses wearing supergenius, a tsundere and a loli. They work very hard to establish this too.

✅ Apart from this ridiculous assortment of memes, Astra leaves a solid impression. The scifi universe isn’t completely nonsensical, and the concept has potential.

✅ It’s well put together too, with good direction and high production values.

❌ The only real negative is that Astra can’t shut up about its protagonist’s backstory. There were about as many repetitive flashbacks in this episode as in the first episode of Fire Force, and it’s only not as bad because Astra’s was double length. If this remains persistent, it may be more annoying than it’s worth.

Katsute Kami Datta Kemono-tachi e / to the Abandoned Sacred Beasts

❓ In a grimderp version of the American Civil War, nobody stops to think that turning people into murderous animal hybrids might not be a good idea and might leave some grudges after the war is over.

♎ Looks average at best. If it’s trying to be Fullmetal Alchemist, I have some bad news for everyone involved.

❌ This definitely can’t be taken seriously, because it’s so contrived and on top of it the tone is all over the place. It can turn from graphic massacres to funny hijinks to inhumane experiments on a dime. To work as intended, it would need a far more delicate hand on all levels.

♎ That said, by the end of it, when there’s a pileup of tragic betrayals and one CAIN MADHOUSE turns out to be a moustache-twirling villain with a cackle to match, it comes close to being the entertaining kind of schlock.

♎ Since this was only the setup, it might be worth it to find out what the actual plot is like going forward.

The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II: Rail Zeppelin ~grace note~

❓After getting punked in the fourth Heaven’s Feel, Waver decides he wants to try his luck in the viper’s nest that is the Clock Tower (if you did not understand any of that, this show is not for you)

✅ Fate has the moneybags and moneybags make shit look good

❌ I would like to watch a dark comedy about the backstabbing and incompetence at the Clock Tower - The Death of Kayneth, if you will. However, there are only the mildest traces of this in Case Files and it takes itself far too seriously.

❌ Since I bounced off this show the second time now (there was an episode 00 a few months ago) I don’t know if I want to give this show even more chances to prove to me it’s not heartachingly dull. It’s not really funny and there’s barely any action.

♎ That leaves character drama. I do like Waver but not enough to watch him mope about his bro Iskander being dead all day. The rest of the characters are a mixed bag and evidently not good enough to keep the show going on their own.

Maou-sama, Retry!

❓ 💩

💩💩 100% of all the isekai shit and nothing else. This is highly derivative and amateur even by the standards of highly derivative amateur isekai LNs.

💩💩 Looks like absolute garbage even at ep 1. I should be happy that no talent is going to waste here.

💩 The least offensive aspect is that our MMO-reborn haxlord picks up a tiny Ramrem for casual dadfeels. It still sucks and there’s another show this season that does this better.

Sounan desu ka / Are You Lost?

❓ Comedy short about girls stranded on a remote island learning basic survival skills.

❌ One girl is hypercompetent at survival, the others are not. Hope you think this is comedy gold cos it’s all we got.

❌ show bad

Tejina-senpai / Magical Sempai

❓ Girl with breasts is an enthusiastic amateur magician and is so bad at it that every attempt ends in some compromising position.

❌ We can only afford one joke per comedy short, okay? Do you think we’re made of money and/or talent?

❌ This one is quick on the draw with the segments at least, and crams in 6 instead of the usual 2-3. So it’s theoretically less tedious, but in practice it’s all a blur of unfunny either way.

❌ show bad

Uchi no Ko no Tame naraba, Ore wa Moshikashitara Maou mo Taoseru kamo Shirenai. / If It's For My Daughter, I'd Even Defeat A Demon Lord

❓ Handsome young adventurer finds an orphaned devil child in the forest. Dadfeels ensue.

✅ So this is the one that does Maou Retry’s core aspect better. And it does it quite well, in fact; it’s cute and wholesome.

✅ Basically it’s Sweetness and Lighting with JRPG questing instead of cooking. That show was alright.

❌ However, to make up for being good at something, know that it has absolutely nothing else. The setting is off-brand JRPG mush and not even attempting otherwise, the production values are pedestrian.

♎ Apparently this turns into a fantasy version of Usagi Drop down the line. I’m not one to mark it down for that now, but that doesn’t sound too great. However, it’s questionable if 1. the anime gets there 2. the anime goes there and 3. I watch the anime enough for the problem to even arise. It’s not that good.

[chill-billy]

Alright! This isn’t going to be about the amazing people involved in my birthday, despite my best efforts to keep in on the low (nakakinis kayo but thank you HAHA). This is going to be about my past 2 dreams from this week about boys! Yum!

I’ve been having long dreams lately, but I haven’t been getting the chance to remember enough to write anything down. But I remember the events toward a few of their endings solely because they had to do with boys HAHAHA GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF WOMAN I’m sorry but if you’re not in any mood for some pre-teen romcom, get out of this post LOL

The first one had me playing a part in a theater show. My dad was somehow my manager, but we were both very chill. Nothing crazy. Then one day during rehearsals, a man taller than my dad shows up with an even taller guy who looked more my age. And he was absolutely adorable. I’d like to tell you he looked like a fuccboi, but he didn’t. It’s like he had all the elements to be one, but he gave off a different vibe. He was light-skinned and borderline buff, and he had black almost-messy hair. He dressed in an overused flannel shirt and scruffy jeans, and had black Converse sneakers that looked like they were pulled out of 2008. He was like someone cute I’d pass walking in Ateneo but was dressed by a Tumblr user stuck in his quote pictures phase. Basically, he was perfect. And I didn’t like it. Somehow in this dream, I made that obvious.

The man walked over and talked with my dad for a while before my dad introduced me to them, then it was the man’s turn. He introduced Guy (let’s call him Guy) as some sort of intern I’d be working with. And this whole time, Guy kept stealing glances at me. I thought, “this would be so romantic if I were 11 and stupid”. And he did it so much I was wondering why I didn’t get annoyed. I figured it was because his chinky beady eyes felt like home. Wow what? And then we shook hands. The adults continued to talk and we were still shaking hands and we just stopped and kept our hands clasped. And I looked at him and he was staring at me. And I laughed. Then we were both laughing and my face was feeling hot. We finally let go and drew our hands back quickly, wiping them off our backs from the sweat. Then I was staring. He was still stealing glances, but I was being a grade-A creep. Then he noticed I wasn’t glancing, so he stared at me too. Then we were both just fucking smiling and staring at each other HAHA IT GOES ON FOR A WHILE OKAY and then we start talking! Small talk didn’t last because we got to the LOLing real quickly. 

Minutes later, my dad tells me to show him around. For some reason, my first instinct was to cling on to his opposite arm and gigil??? his shoulder???? I know what the fuck you would’ve thought my dreams were at least above average pre-teen romcoms LMAO but when I did, he squeezed that arm secure on his chest, and then he looked down at me and we just start laughing again. “I really like you,” I said out loud after I caught my breath again. I didn’t take it back. “I really like you too,” Guy replies with a laugh. “Can we go out? Now?” And my dad and the other man weren’t minding us at all! 

That’s as far as I go for this one haha. I have to clock in na. I’ll do the second one later. But okay as for analysis, I’m pretty sure this came from my recent love for Hadestown and Eva and Reeve. This also came from rewatching the second Hillywood Supernatural Parody and loving Osric and Hilly all over again as Sam and Dean. Some of it might have come from seeing Ki Hong Lee’s cute butt recently in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I’m just glad I’m getting these dreams again. For the most part, they only really come when I feel like I have a good hold on my life!

[ramajmedia]

Archer: 10 Of Sterling's Most Inappropriate Pick-Up Lines

When it comes to adult animation shows, Archer has become a unique and beloved series. While it follows the hijinks of the entire spy agency, the true star of the show is Sterling Archer himself. A complete James Bond parody, Archer is arrogant, drunk, selfish, obsessed with the opposite gender, and somehow amazing at his job. In later seasons, he's mellowed out and become a decent enough boyfriend to Lana and father to Abbiejean. However, those self-righteous, fumbling principles haven't left him.

RELATED: Archer Characters By Myers Briggs Personality Types

And with those principles came his incessant pick-up lines across the seasons. Some are classics, some are wildly inappropriate, and some are both.

Here are 10 Of Sterling's Most Inappropriate Pick-Up Lines.

10 A Radical Disguise

Full Quote (1.2):

A secret agent! That's what I am! And I shouldn't even be saying that, but you have a certain... thickness about you that I find appealing.

On a mission to protect a British nobleman from Irish assassination, Archer goes on a series of inappropriate offenses: He gets completely wasted, disregards the nobleman, and spends a bunch of time flirting with the husky woman that keeps following the British nobleman around.

Archer doesn't even realize she is a he in disguise, trying to assassinate the British guy. He just keeps flirting, regardless, and accidentally foils the IRA plot to murder the noble. Even if the results were largely favorable, this come-on was inappropriate on so many levels.

9 Janelle The Pie Wife

Full Quote (3.9):

It would be rude not to eat her pie, which I assume is not only hot but also moist... although hopefully not flaky.

This pick-up line is wrong on so many levels. Not only is the pie baker married, but she's also Ray's sister in law. Since Ray is a fellow agent, Sterling should show enough restraint to not touch her. This is Sterling Archer, though, so what else would fans expect?

The real kicker, though, is that they are in the middle of a fight between police and Ray's family.

Considering Janelle and Randy turn out to be drug dealers, the constant flirting only made the situation worse. Janelle and Archer don't even end up sleeping together but the situation still feels all sorts of wrong.

8 Pam In The Bathroom

Full Quote (3.10):

I don't care Pam! Having said that, would you please come into this dirty toilet stall and have sex with me?

Archer's drunkenness and love of sex have always hindered his secret agent work just as much as it helped. In the episode "Crossing Over," they really don't help. In his negligence, the man that might be his father dies because he's not on the job. Instead, he was boinking Pam.

Yep, you heard that right.

Despite his general dislike of Pam, during this episode, he seems to have gone full throttle into taking all the sex he can get. This includes the HR lady who makes up gross words and is an amazing street fighter. Though Sterling argues with Pam and is rude to her, he also inappropriately propositions her in the bathroom. The rest of the episode follows with a lot of funny, uncomfortable, and drunken shame. Except for Pam; she's always wonderfully shameless.

7 False Proposition

Full Quote (2.6):

Come on, get me drunk enough and I might have sex with you.

Before their Season 3 tryst, Archer does lay quite a few fake pick-ups and offers on Pam. However, he isn't the kindest guy, so he follows them up to say he'd need to die drinking to want to do the deed.

Joke's on Sterling, as he asked Pam for favors only a season later.

RELATED: Family Guy: 10 Of Quagmire’s Most Inappropriate Pickup Lines

In all seriousness, Pam is his co-worker, and the HR manager to boot. He probably shouldn't be saying that to her. Granted, any serious HR manager would probably quit on the spot, having to deal with all the workplace violations at ISIS.

6 Underage Anka

Full Quote (2.1):

Who obviously needs someone on her constantly, so I will be that someone constantly on her.

This Season 2 opener is a surprising pickle for Archer: He's greatly attracted to the woman they're supposed to protect. That's normally awesome until he finds out she's 16.

That only makes his first comment on her picture all the more inappropriate, but lucky for fans, Archer backpedals the second he knows her age. Unfortunately for Archer, Anka does not. She spends all episode desperately trying to get Archer in bed with her. Bet he regrets ever wanting to be her bodyguard, huh?

5 Lana, Your Eyes Are Amazing...

"Skorpio" is an episode of inappropriate situations for the record books, but of course Archer is at the center of it. Between his and Lana's threesome with an arms dealer (including a lot of chocolate), the whole experience is a pile of bad ideas.

However, despite the liquid cocoa tryst, Archer's peak bad pick-up line this episode involved trying to woo Lana. Somehow, instead of anything really romantic, Archer word-vomited this beauty.

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No wonder their relationship always seemed to be perpetually on and off for so many seasons.

4 A Wooden Encounter With Katya

Full Quote (4.5):

Sorry, that's just a, uh, sympathy boner.

Once upon a time (AKA Season 2), Archer fell madly in love with Katya Kazanova, a KGB agent that defected to America. After some self-sacrifices, robotic rebuilding, and Barry, the two parted and have only had tumultuous run-ins for years.

When Katya comes to Archer when Barry's missing (in space), he is more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on. A bit too happy, perhaps. Instead of ignoring the problem, Sterling decides to utter the above inappropriate pick-up when an ex is grieving her lover.

Though, splitting up Katya and Barry would always make Sterling happy, regardless of how he felt about Katya.

3 Cheryl's Introduction

Full Quote (1.1):

Just the tip.

In the first episode of Archer, the title character was introduced with quite a few paramours. Not only was he still attracted to his beautiful ex, Lana Kane, but he also was in a relationship with ISIS' secretary, Cheryl. While not entirely a pick-up, all episode he was wildly obsessed with saying the phrase "just the tip" to her. It didn't matter if it was intimate or not, it was his thing.

RELATED: Archer: 10 Questions That Need Answers Before It Ends

However, the fact she was lactose intolerant made that ice cream a little more uncomfortable and inappropriate.

Seriously, Pam was terrible at helping keep all the workplace relationships at ISIS professional. But after 10 seasons, what else do we expect?

2 The Arrogant Offer

Full Quote (1.10):

Hey, proposition: First person to untie me- guy or gal- I will let him or her give me a handy. Come on, let's share the milk of human kindness!

According to Archer, he is irresistible. No come-on shows that more than this Season 1 gem. Despite being tied up by enemies, Sterling banks on his raw appeal to get him out of the situation. According to Sterling, if his captives really wanted to, they could do that while he was tied up, right?

Either way, considering Sterling's life is at stake and he shouldn't want to tick these guys off, bold and wildly inappropriate move, Sterling Archer. Not at all surprising, but still.

1 I Do (But I Don't)

Full Quote (5.1):

So why don't you shut up and marry me?... I'm serious, we could go underground, get new identities, and spend the rest of our lives together, Lana. You. Me. The baby. And your not-that-weird-looking vagina.

Lana decides, after a bunch of dumb dating peril, that she wants to move forward with her life on her own; that includes having a baby. While pregnant, Archer and her go on a mission. To distract the bad guys, Starling seems to suddenly turn tender and ask her to marry him mid-mission. Lana rejects him coldly, but when he reveals he was faking it the entire time, she's only more annoyed.

Though it worked, way to alienate your co-worker, Archer.

Between being on a mission and the fact Lana had enough on her mind, it was absolutely inappropriate to pull even a fake proposal. If only his dumb ploys didn't work so effectively.

NEXT: Every Season Of Archer, Ranked

source https://screenrant.com/archer-sterlings-inappropriate-pick-up-lines/