because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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waiting
one day, he left. he was in luffys house and then he wasn't anymore. nor on his house. nor on his friends house. trafalgar law just left one day and didnt come back. no one knew why. luffy didnt know why. everything was fine, their relationship slowly taking shape, the feelings becoming deep. and yet, one day he just disappeared.
The disappearance had a huge impact on Luffy, who also disappeared days later, only to return injured, with no memory of what happened and with an aggressive dog by his side.
years later, law is back in town. although it was a surprise, it shouldn't be shocking. The thing is, it's been 149 years. and law is still alive.
so is luffy
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OKAY time to share my two cents that nobody asked for on this scenario. yeah, I'm disappointed. ngl this is casting a pall over my replay of the series and general enthusiasm (which sucks but I know I'll bounce back very quickly, it'll take FARRR more than something like this to kill it). regardless of the impact of our choices or lack thereof, I have faith that veilguard will be a great game because I haven't been let down by a dragon age game yet. the concept of worldstates is a HUGE reason why this series is special to me, but it's not the only reason.
that being said, yeah, it's pretty fucking weird to have so... few... choices represented in the CC. especially if you think about how impactful everything that is NOT being represented is. so many things stop making sense.
we saw our choices mattering less as we moved from DA2 -> DA:I, but nothing of this caliber. its.... idk. idk what else to call it beyond weird and disappointing
we still can't say anything is for certain until we play through the entirety of veilguard itself but I'm definitely much more wary than I was before
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