#this has nothing to do with this blog except for being in the same general genre

[ladybyakuya]

| HEAVENLY HAZE + jiyan, geshu lin, scar, calcharo. 

+ cw. —fem!reader, headcanon format, slightly dc + yan content, explicit smut, s&d dynamics, s&m themes, blow!job, cunnilingus,overstim, edging, cum swallowing, mentioned aftercare. 

+ syn. — Where do they like to cum? What kind of ejaculator are they? messy? creampie lover? or strictly safe sex & cuddles for aftercare 

+ wc. — 1k

+ notes. — my wuwa debut post. guess who's my favorite ;D | redirect to blog navigation.

✧ JIYAN.

General Jiyan, as it may seem at first, could be tame in bed, but he slowly peels his skin off as he starts to get you comfortable around him with an increase in his gradual yearning for you. He likes to see you well satisfied before fucking the wits out of your body so he often prefers to make you cum first because you would be so wet, and so ready that he does not have to worry about being too rough with you. Sometimes, when he feels your gummy walls clenching around his cock makes it all the harder for him to hold back. It is always a game of push and pull to arouse each other. He takes so much time kissing you, getting you aroused, marking you as if he is solving an intricately delicate puzzle. The first time he had sex with you he ended up soiling his battle outfit with his cum since he provided too much time for you. But he has learned from his mistake. Now, he still gives you at the same time but he is barely clad while kissing your cunt, sucking your folds, and fingering your pussy till he hears your first orgasm. And, just when he feels he is getting there, his cock pulsing in his hands as he strokes his cock he stands up to give a last few strokes and cumming undone all over your tummy and boobs. He likes this: your needy lust-filled expression in those exhaustive eyes and yet so ready to be taken, to surrender to him.

✧ GESHU LIN.

Geshu is not taking any risk of losing you, nor would he give you a slight crack of a chance for it to widen and flee from his trap especially when he now knows how sweet the forbidden fruit tastes. He is territorial but it becomes more innate and intimate whenever it concerns you. He would mark you on places only you could see. Oh? You want to bear his mark on your neck where it would be easily visible? That’s so old school but sure! Whatever you want, you get except freedom. So, it should not come as a shock to you when he has you pinned down with your hands locked above your head. You are underneath him as he ruts into your sweet wet cunt, his thick cock tightly hugged by your soft gummy walls as he refuses to pull out. But you are still resisting him. Why is that? Has he not been clear enough to you with all his little marks all over your body? You are his, only his. The battle trophy that has not known the glory of victory but would surely know the glory of having a family. He releases the grip on your hands for a moment to make you realize how small, how meek you are against him. Even with his cock pulsing inside your pussy you manage to power sit up but he chuckles at your fight response. Geshu does not understand why you are doing all this. You would be safe with him. Yeah! He would give you anything you want. You just need to ask. He tackles you and holds your upper arms to keep thrusting for a final few strokes before he releases his seed into you claiming you as his and only his.

✧ CALCHARO 

Nothing beats the euphoric high that Calcharo experiences while blowing his load directly into your mouth. To be honest, he was not at par with the idea of getting his cock sucked by those same lips that talk about love to him. Your love for him, is something so pure, so demure, something he holds dear to himself which is why he refuses to taint it with himself. Calcharo hated the idea of you getting on your knees to serve him, to make him happy but at the same time he loved how you sucked him off. His love for you is in such high regard that he refuses to try any position that will let you be on a lower level than him but at the same time when you sucked him off for the first time, he had blown his load into your mouth and he felt good while doing it however unsightly it may seem after he tainted your divine lips with his cum.  But this position where you lay on the bed with your head hanging a little bit at the edge of the bed and he fucks your mouth is insanely euphoric that it makes his tacet mark glow whenever he cums. Plus, that view: his gaze like stuck in a drunken maze along with his shallow thrusts into your mouth followed by low grunts does nothing but turn you on too. By the time, he is about to cum, you have already started to touch yourself despite his repetitive warning because he does not know how much it turns you on to see the proof of this euphoria, that belongs to only you and him, glowing despite his denial to fuck you properly.

✧ SCAR.

It feels almost unholy how addicted Scar is by the way you boob-fuck his cock. Also, the little licks you do with your tongue and mouth while sliding your boobs up and down his shaft— yeah that; is his favorite part when you decide to go down on him. Of course, he is free to tell you, even has ways to coax you into getting his dick tit-fucked but is better when you do it out of your own free will, without any sort of stimulus from him be it sexual or just verbal. It is a rare occasion, but he is a man of patience. He can wait till you get fully ripe, till you get suffocated with doing these little sexual acts of sorts. For now, he can cooperate; for now, he can allow how you throw your tantrums when he insists on putting his cock in you, raw and without any rubber. The thought alone makes him hard but he is powerless against it as you say ‘no’ while pouting. So, for now, he can only wait and let you have it in your way. Those soft dainty palms cupping your own boobs just to get him off send him under the influence of absolute thrill because he often thinks how you would crave some more of this intimacy at some point and then under the influence of it, you are going to chase that feeling. And Scar is sure that when you would be chasing that feeling, you will think of him while doing it, and you will cradle and hold your boobs like you are doing now which is why he can not help but cum without giving you any sort of heads-up, coating your face and chest with his fluid but it seems that you are slowly starting to learn when he is about to cum; maybe you are ripe after all.

[averrse]

i'm feeling the dark urge to reread mistborn

[3liza]

I feel very defensive about the "goth is bougie" shit because it is historically incorrect, yes, but also and more personally, because it just erases the generations of goth kids who grew up in trailer parks and project housing or just straight up homeless, helping each other out.

it's specifically such a supportive subculture for poor and neglected kids and I really fucking hate that this has been revised and erased. juggalos and goths are very culturally close and many subcultural people are both, and juggalos have the same (and, I would argue, even better defined) culture of collective support. the Skids in Letterkenny are not made up for the show, that's just a real type of rural subcultural person. this has also been forgotten in the interim but in the 90s and 00s we didn't even really refer to OURSELVES as "goths" very much except in a joking way. goths had regional endonyms (like "skids" or "trenchies") even if they could all go to a convention or a club in a city and in that context be all called "goths" together, once they went back home they would go back to being whatever the locals called them or whatever they called themselves. this is a whole linguistics and sociology subtopic that's out of scope for a Tumblr post but is sort of related.

my point is that people who wore actual rags, and sharpie instead of nail polish, and wet n wild eyeliner instead of black lipstick, and dyed their hair with markers or food coloring or kool-aid, were and are the core of the goth scene. the majority of the pictures the mallgoth blogs are posting are from catalogs, fashion shows, costume events, yearly balls and fetes like Wave Gothik Treffen, and other places where people save up literally all year, or many years in a row, to put together ONE outfit. and there's nothing wrong with that, personally I'm proud and pleased that our hard work is being recognized and preserved. but just like formal studio photographs from the Victorian era, it is not representative of the daily or even weekly (for clubs) reality of people in the scene, some of whom were completely out of goth clothing during the day or week just to fit in at work or sometimes just to get along without being bothered at home by family members who thought the Cure was Satanic.

the people who RUN the scenes, the promoters and DJs and gogo dancers and independent designers and people who run the mailing lists and websites, the people who organize the room parties at conventions, and yes even most of the original Burning Man camps like Thunderdome, they mostly live in poverty. especially if they're young. when people organize club nights and shows, they're lucky if they break even. I wasn't aware of any of this until I started working at DNA Lounge in San Francisco, which hosts one of the oldest goth nights in the country, Death Guild. I got to know the owner of DNA well enough to find out about the financial reality of the entire scene, even the people who own the means of production and the actual property in this case, and it's not lucrative. I mean, it sometimes is, if you're running a bar for normal people and have investment captain etc, but the majority of legit subculture economics is just barely breaking even. every single event is 90% volunteer labor.

the issue of labor is maybe the confusing thing for the zoomers who are confused. goth outfits take actual physical work. maybe the Aspirational Spectacle of Labor that makes up most of TikTok has made it appear unreal to the audience rather than something you can just sit down and do?

it takes forty seconds to make the fishnet tights into a shirt. you don't need instructions, you really can just look at it and figure it out. then you think, hm, if I can make fishnets into a shirt I wonder what other things I can turn into something else. your brain will amaze you. my mom would save her tights from her formal work outfits for me when they got holes or whatever and I would just go crazy with scissors and safety pins. lots of young designers are getting attention for this layered, tights-n-pins look at the moment and it really is a fantastic aesthetic but I wonder if people think there's something special about the people who make these clothes? there isn't. you can just do it at home while you watch trashy youtubes.

one time, around 2008 or so, @gothiccharmschool and I were at the photoshoot for tabletop RPG Unhallowed Metropolis. we were there with a bunch of local goths to all make the pictures for this book together. we had all brought tons of our costumes from home to cobble together outfits for the book illustrations, and there was a moment when I just handed Jilli a pile of black skirts and some pins and said hey Jilli, could you please make me up a bustle skirt for this model real quick while I shoot these other models? and of course she did, and they were beautiful, because she knows exactly what she's doing, and because that's all a bustle is: it's a way of bunching up a skirt with another skirt. you can do it at home. you don't need instructions or to hire a seamstress or watch a video. you can just look at something and say hm does it look like a bustle? let's drape it and play with it and pin whatever works. and then you wear it for the photoshoot, or to the club!!! and then next week you pin it a different way and it's a cape instead and you wear it again!!!!!!!

[ko-existing]

Stop for a second — Audio into Text

This might sound like a harsher or more stern post but either way, sometimes real talk is needed. A massive problem I see in my inbox and friends' inboxes is that people absolutely refuse to properly read posts, think about what was said, and ponder it for themselves before asking any questions. Out of the over 2000 asks we have received since opening this account, 99.9% of them can be answered by the questioners themselves. Most of the questions we answered on our blog could also be answered by the questioners themselves. We're not needed for it, but the problem is that people just do not want to think for themselves or don’t even want to properly read a post before asking questions.

For example is when we post something like, "All concepts are imaginary and made up. If you drop all of them, you're left with nothing-ness." Or, "If you strip yourself of all senses, you will still have the sense of existing or the sense of being. You don't need your senses for it. If you have a dream and your senses are not involved, you still know and have that sense of being and experiencing." Then, a very popular question is, "So, if all concepts are imaginary, does that mean the law of assumption, law of attraction, the void state, manifesting, and shifting are imaginary as well?" That's a question I will never understand because—genuine question—what do you think "all is imaginary" means? If there was an exception, don't you think someone would have mentioned it? It's not just our blog or other people's blogs—Rupert Spira, Swami Sarvapriyananda, Alan Watts, or Robert Watts all say the same thing. If there is an exception, one of us would have mentioned it. It’s already in the sentence: "ALL is illusory." There is no exception to it. So, why ask if there is an exception when it's already in the sentence

Another very popular thing is when we say, "All is awareness and everything happens within awareness." That is something you can absolutely, 100% directly experience because you're doing it right now. Just be aware that you're doing it right now, that everything is happening within awareness. Just go backward—ask yourself, "Why am I perceiving this right now? What's needed?" and then go backward, and the end, or what seems to be the end, would be awareness.

When we say that, people still ask how, or they say, "Well, but we experience it with senses, and who's aware of those senses?" You need "awareness" to be aware of the senses; the senses alone do not experience anything. That’s just independent thinking that is refused within a lot of you. Absolute independent investigation needs to happen.

The other day, we received a few asks saying that we phrase our posts vaguely—and that's not true. The way people phrase things, or the way blogs or speakers in general phrase things, is the exact same way they learned it and experienced it themselves. It might sound vague to you because you just briefly read over it and don't ponder on it, or don’t read it as many times as you need to. You just read it once, maybe twice, and then start asking questions—Go backward by yourself, think for yourself, ponder and investigate by yourself, and the answer is clear as day. But a lot of you don't want to do it, and that’s where the problem lies. You don't want to rely on yourself, you don't want to take responsibility for yourself. You feel like, "Okay, this person has woken up, this person is already seeing through the illusion, so I have to listen to them, and I have to ask them for security reasons, for safety reasons, because their word is reliable. My thinking is not. If I investigate for myself, there could still be mistakes." And that's where the false thought process is. If you believe that you have to rely on someone else's words because you cannot rely on your own conclusions, you will keep overconsuming to the n-th degree. Experiencing is not done by me—it's done by you. Investigating and coming to conclusions to true understanding on a fundamental level can never happen through someone that seems to be external. It happens within you, by you, for you, and it's something you need to understand.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it has to be said sooner or later because you're tired from going into circles, we're tired, everyone is tired. So why are you not doing yourself a favor and really seeing it for yourself? Stop asking anyone anything—ask yourself, because that's where the answer is. GO BACKWARDS. When people say "all answers are within," it is as literal as it can get. I'm not saying within your brain or within your organs, but the answers are within. If everything happens within awareness, the answers are within awareness, and the answers are just as illusory—which means not what they seem to be—as the questions. And once that's understood, there's nothing else to understand.

ALL anyone can do here is lead you to water, it's up to you if you drink or not .

[missmonsters2]

—JOUSKA | THREE

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x OFC/Fem!Reader

Summary: Something and nothing at all changed. Wednesday is all too aware of the distance and the horrifying realization that if she wants to be closer, than she'll have to make the first move. Cue compulsively replaying a hypothetical conversation.

Warnings: Angst. Distracted!Wednesday. Wednesday generally being Bad At Feelings™️. Enid's wise words. Thing—the opportunist. Xavier absent but still not safe from Wednesday's roasts. Blood.

Series Masterlist | Library Blog | AO3

Reminder there’s no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Note: This was intense to write, but it'll only get more intense! Likes, comments, & reblogs appreciated 🥺

Part Two

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Jouska: Noun. A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Something and nothing at all has changed since that night. 

"Hi, Wednesday."

Wednesday's eyes catch yours as she watches you flanked by two gorgon girls. You've got a white stick of a lollipop hanging in your mouth at the side, the grape confection already finished, but you don't like littering (unlike some of these other heathens at the academy).

Wednesday doesn't say anything back, but she does slow her walking down subtly, her brows relaxes and expression neutral as she looks at you. A nod of acknowledgment is all that is needed to satisfy you as you smile at her before looking away.

It's been like that since that night—the same acknowledgment, and it's all Wednesday can think about.

They've bonded, haven't they? Enid certainly said so. And if that was the case, why were you the same distance away? 

Wednesday can only think back to that night. 

"Black wings are the mark of a night faerie."

Wednesday doesn't rush her response. This was one of those moments, the one Enid was constantly telling her to be delicate about. 

The right words—Wednesday needed the right words.

It reminded her of when she first encountered the photo of herself from Rowan, and how she, too, thought she was destined for (bad) calamity. 

"Sometimes the dark doesn't cause calamity but rather is what no one expects at all," Wednesday looks at you, her eyes focused. "The solution."

But even as you give Wednesday a soft smile, she can see something dim behind your eyes, and the taste of utter defeat burns Wednesday's throat, knowing it wasn't the exact right words.

So, Wednesday was at a standstill. 

And she was also far from finding a nickname for you that she'd allow everyone to call you. The only bright side was everyone else was somehow doing worse than her with their suggestions despite her not having offered anything at all. 

There was a distance, Wednesday realizes. One that you seemed content to let be. 

Wednesday feels jolted by the realization that she's been fairly spoiled and blessed in her life (even if she didn't feel it at the moment). It had always been Wednesday who chose to keep her distance from those around her. She had her own interests and had been content to put them above everyone else. 

But ever since coming to Nevermore, her little ragtag of misfits—especially Enid—had intrusively barged into her personal space. Wednesday only had to take a small step forward, and everyone else had closed the distance. 

Everyone except you.

Wednesday Addams would never deny the fact that she wasn't free from things like desire. She desired many things: rain, mysteries, victory, the fear of others, and whatever things could be described as morbid.

She told her mother that she would never be like her—never fall in love, be a housewife, or have a family. And she had meant it at that moment (although she was very sure she'll never be a housewife). 

And really, it's not like Wednesday loves you or anything. But Wednesday has once felt enough to kiss a boy (who turned out to be a serial killer), and when she thinks of Enid, Eugene, and Xavier, she does feel like she has a strange little group to call a family of her own. She begrudgingly accepts Bianca to something like a distant, irritating cousin.

You piqued her curiosity very early on with your unintrusive smiles and waves. Now, you had an enigmatic background and a perhaps sense of self-preservation to remain distant. But it was too late. 

Wednesday desires mystery, and she desires you. 

They're not mutually exclusive.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Blood drips down from Wednesday's cheek. She touches her finger to the cut and looks at it curiously.

"You're distracted, Addams." 

Wednesday looks back to Bianca, who somehow manages to look both smug and concerned. While being beaten by Bianca again still leaves the feeling of self-pity, her rage is directed at herself. 

"And yet, you barely managed to defeat me," Wednesday drawls. 

"Well, pull your head out of the dark, gray clouds and focus so I can put you in your place again without your excuses," Bianca shoots back without hesitation. 

Wednesday starts to move into position when the coach halts it and tells her to go to the infirmary to take care of her cut. Clenching her jaw, Wednesday puts her equipment away and leaves the room. 

The cut stings, and Wednesday knows it was her own fault that Bianca cut her too deep. She was distracted. She has been lately ever since her realization that if she wanted to close the distance, she would have to be the one to intrude in your space. 

The problem was that Wednesday only knew how to intrude into someone's space when she was suspicious they were a serial killer—accusing and without permission. 

And thus, Wednesday has been afflicted with hypothetical conversations her brain refused to stop producing. It was costing her sleep, and now the victories that should belong to her. 

"Wednesday!" 

Turning around, Wednesday sees Enid skipping her way down toward her. The blonde frowns when she glances at Wednesday's cheek and pulls out a white handkerchief. It’s the only colorless fabric she owns. "Fencing?"

Wednesday nods, accepting the cloth as she dabs it against her face, wiping at her jaw where it dripped.

"Lose?" Enid winces in pain. 

A dark look crosses Wednesday's face, and Enid quickly changes the subject. 

"Are you excited for parents' weekend?" Enid asks. "I'm surprised Principal Weems has made it so early in the year. I hear she's making changes so parents visit once at the beginning of the year and once at the end of the year."

"If by excited you mean begrudgingly accepted it, yes," Wednesday monotones.

"But it'll be interesting to see who the fairy godmother's parents will be, right?" Enid rocks on her toes in anticipation. "I heard her dad is, like, a high lord or something."

The comment does spark interest in Wednesday. She is curious about the two people who had loved you so much that they took you out of isolation and parted ways with you in this safe haven. 

Assuming that they could visit you, anyway.

"That's also a witless sobriquet," Wednesday comments absentmindedly.

Enid only huffs. 

"Enid," Wednesday calls evenly.

"Hm?"

"How—why—" Wednesday takes a deep breath as her eyes close for a moment. When she opens them, she finds Enid staring at her curiously with an amused smile. Wednesday knows it was because she’s never this inarticulate, but Enid is gracious enough to not say anything about it and waits patiently for her to gather her thoughts. 

As patiently as she can, it seems.

"Not to rush you, but you should probably hurry on and say whatever it is you want to say so you can get on to the infirmary. The cut is starting to soak through my handkerchief," Enid gently pushes. 

Wednesday grinds her teeth for a second before sighing through her nose lightly. 

"How did you decide on how you wanted to be closer to me?" Wednesday asks, leaving as much emotion out of her tone as possible but cringing at her sentence. "Especially since it was obvious I wanted to keep my distance."

Enid's lip twitches, and Wednesday already regrets asking, but before she can turn around and leave, Enid answers. "Well, in your case, I think it was easier for me to tell you didn't really want to be alone, so I didn't ask."

Wednesday makes a vague face of disgust while Enid continues on. 

"But in your case," Enid stresses, smirking at Wednesday's unblinking face. "I think you should ask to do something together to be closer."

Wednesday's eyes flicker as she processes Enid's words. The memory of Tyler's efforts to take her to the catacomb, how he set up lights, and a movie pops into her mind. 

"Like a date," Wednesday says slowly, and horrification begins to set in.

"Er, I think that's a little too advanced for you," Enid cuts in quickly. "Maybe just try to find a way to spend more time together casually but consistently."

Enid looks at her watch. "Oh, I gotta go. Yoko and I need to start planning for the boat race this year." With that, Enid happily skips down the hallway. She turns around once and yells, "Oh, don't forget to wash the blood out of my handkerchief. I trust you'll know how to do that!"

Wednesday nods before she continues on her way to the infirmary. When she enters, she sees Weems talking to someone sitting on a cot behind the curtains. 

"I'm happy you've found a friend to help you, but I'm concerned—" Weems stops as soon as she sees Wednesday, frowning as she sees the cut and then sighs, "Coach Vlad had told me you and Bianca frequently spared without your helmets. I had hoped he was joking."

The curtains suddenly opened, and Wednesday wasn’t surprised. She could tell it was you by your silhouette. 

Immediately the hypothetical conversations she's been creating pops into her mind again.

"Hi, Wednesday," you smile with a short wave before you eye her cut. "Hope the other person looks worse off."

Weems clicks her tongue in disapproval, but Wednesday's lip twitches upward slightly. 

The principal is about to say something else when a small, lanky boy walks in. He clutches his wrist, but Wednesday can’t make out his feature with his overgrown fringe covering his eyes. He seems to see just fine, though, as his posture stiffens at the sight of you.

"O-Oh, F-Fae," he starts to say but then stutters. "No, sorry, I-I mean—"

"It's fine," you wave away his attempt at saying your name. "Did you hurt yourself in psychitect?"

He nods.

"I suppose I should go find the nurse. She went down to the cafeteria for a quick snack," Weems says before she looks at you. "We'll finish our conversation later."

"It's fine," you wave it off. "I can help Wednesday. We’ll be gone before you’re back."

Weems purses her lips in disapproval, but you just give her a look back. Sighing, Weems nods before she turns to walk out. "Glad to see you fitting in more this year, Wednesday. It's pleasant to see you in my office less."

"It's too early in the year still," Wednesday haughtily replies, eyes trailing Weems as she leaves the room. 

"Come along, Henry."

Once alone, Wednesday's eyes trail to you. 

"Well, take a seat," you stand up and gesture to the cot near her as you rummage through the cabinets. 

"I can do it myself."

"I'm sure you can," you absently say as you move bottles back and forth in search of something. When you find it, you turn around with a lopsided smile. "But I assure you I can do it better."

Wednesday only raises her eyes challengingly but sits down as you sit on the stool and roll over to her. She sits primly with her back straight as a rod when you come closer and closer. To allow your proximity, Wednesday has to open her legs for you to come between, being the one wearing pants. 

"Pretty nasty cut," you mumble, and Wednesday can smell grape lollipops. 

"I've had worse."

"Bragging, I see," you smirk as you put on gloves and use tweezers to soak a gauze pad in saline solution. "Xavier did tell me you took an arrow for him once."

"Xavier has an abnormally large mouth," Wednesday speaks tersely with a furrow of her brows. When you gently dab the soaked gauze pad on her cheek, it doesn’t sting, but Wednesday clenches her fists closed with your face so close. 

"I think he was bragging," you continue to dab. "Enid and Eugene have similar anecdotes. Thing, as well."

Wednesday huffs while you merely grin lightly. 

Enid's words and Wednesday's haunted hypotheticals were plaguing her again. 

"What were you and Weems talking about?" Wednesday asks to redirect the conversation. She had been curious since she walked in, as it seemed like a rather serious conversation. 

The thoughts aren’t going away.

"She was checking in after I told the nurse I had a friend to help me apply the medicine, and I'd only come in to do monthly examinations or if something serious happened."

Sometimes Wednesday isn’t used to people answering her questions so quickly and without pretense. She’s used to them being defensive. 

'Thing shouldn't be applying your medicine.' Wednesday clenches her jaw, refusing to let the thought slip out of her mouth. With you in sight, her mind refuses to stop the compulsive hypothetical conversations.

"I see," Wednesday says slowly. "And why is Weems so particularly concerned?"

"She's my legal guardian," you answer straightforwardly, inspecting Wednesday's wound as the bleeding slows. 

The sudden new information makes Wednesday blink. 

'If you use your brain and think about it, Thing is a disembodied hand with stitches all over. Do you think that's sanitary? Forget the fact that Thing is vain and does well in washing his hand and moisturizes.'

You put down the tweezers and take off the gloves. Lifting your fingertips, you hover them over the cut. Wednesday watches as you concentrate before warmth and tiny little firefly-like lights seeps onto her cheek. 

When it’s over, the sting of the cut is gone. Wednesday lifts her hand to touch her cheek and feels a thin bump of her skin scarred over. 

'I understand your need for secrecy. I've been told I lack regard for others’ safety but I have no intentions of being the reason for your untimely death.'

You turn to grab a tub of cream and unscrew the lid. "It's not exactly perfect, but better than the usual way," you say as if apologizing. "I'll get better at it as my wings heal."

"Your powers are linked to your wings?"

'And of course, I understand you don't prefer the nurse's care. Her touch is indelicate and I imagine your wings are sensitive.'

You hum and say quietly, "A lot of it, yes. Our wings are embedded into our backs and take root inside our bodies. It's why we usually die without our wings."

"And Weems is your guardian?" 

You nod. "Yes. As you know faeries stay in isolation, and faeries with my wings are...outcasts," you smirk. "My parents can't look after me like regular parents do because the more in contact with me they are, the more it exposes my location."

It makes sense. Whoever had done such abominable things to your wings should stay far, far away—lest they want Wednesday to find a way to paralyze them without taking their wings. 

Still.

Wednesday studies your face as you apply the scarring cream. Your parents must've been heartbroken and scared witless to take you out of isolation and have Weems take over guardianship. 

'As such, I must take responsibility for Thing and offer to take his place in applying your medication. This is an acceptable trade, is it not?'

"Your parents must've adored you so," Wednesday comments. She can certainly relate to that as she internally rolls her eyes at the thought of her own parents. 

You finish applying the cream, and Wednesday has had enough of the repetitive one-sided conversation in her head. It was going to drive her crazy—and not the respectable kind. 

But just as Wednesday opens her mouth to get it over with, her words die on her tongue when you look at her.

It was the same smile as that night, the one that made Wednesday's throat burn with utter defeat.

You must miss them. 

"Yes, I suppose they did."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Wednesday lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, and the incessant noise of Enid's snoring is somehow amplifying her thoughts.

This. Is. Inconceivable. 

The thing with Wednesday is that she had an obsessive personality. That's why solving mysteries is such a good pastime for her. 

The only problem is when the mystery hasn't been solved, and she is left alone with the agonizing cliffhanger. 

What if the words hadn't died on her tongue? 

What if she had said them anyway, despite your smile that seemed to make Wednesday miserable. 

But the truth of the matter is that she didn't, and now, she is stuck in bed coming up with new hypothetical conversations that revolve around one matter.

'Thing is indisposed.'

'I'm offering my company and assistance. Thing may stay as an additional conversationalist.'

'Surely, you must have more to say to me daily than greeting me.'

'Thing has questionable scalpel skills; therefore, I believe he's been applying your medication inaccurately. I can't have your wings—your life source—healing poorly on my hands.'

This is all Enid's fault, Wednesday determines. She turns her head to watch her peacefully, blissfully ignorant sleeping roommate. 

Maybe she should come through with the threat of smothering Enid with a pillow. But in the end, Wednesday turns her head back to the ceiling. 

It’s then that Thing opens the door and scuttles across the room in haste. She sits up as he climbs up onto her bed and pulls at her blanket.

"What is it, Thing?" Wednesday frowns.

Thing begins signing and tapping.

"Speak clearly, Thing. You're skipping words."

Thing taps frustratedly but slows down.

"Someone…slapped…back today?" Wednesday raises her brow but then frowns deeper. "It opened a wound up...and you can't fix it yourself? Need help...now?"

Thing taps multiple times to signify that is correct. Immediately, Wednesday gets out of bed and grabs her sweater. 

"Where is she? Her room or her studio?" Wednesday asks as she shoves on her shoes, and Thing climbs onto her shoulder.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

When Wednesday arrives at your studio, following the same sequence she did weeks ago, she finds you fallen on the ground, your wings just barely over your shoulder as you hold yourself up by your elbows.

Blood drips down and soaks your feathers, somehow making obsidian look even darker. 

Wednesday walks up quickly and crouches beside you, and you barely notice her until she speaks. "Who did this to you? I want their name." She seethes.

"It was...an accident," you raggedly breathe. "She didn't know. Meant to be a friendly goodnight clap on the back."

But that doesn’t soothe Wednesday at all. Not when the back of your dress shirt is dredged in so much blood that there isn’t even a spot of white left, and your right wing twitching in obvious pain.

"What can I do?" Wednesday demands, but there was a softness to it that is almost desperation. 

You swallow. "I—I need you to move my wing over my shoulder more—until I can reach the cut to seal it." You screw your eyea shut. "I can't move it on my own."

Wednesday nods. She carefully reaches out to touch your wing.

It is velvety.

Wednesday imagines it would've been more magnificent to the touch had your feathers not been weighed down and saturated by blood. 

As Wednesday begins to spread your wing up and over, your breath hitches sharply.

Wednesday stops.

"Don't stop," you grit your teeth, taking in ragged breaths. "It hurts the longer you drag it out. Just—be gentle."

Gentle is not often used to describe Wednesday. She’s sharp and jagged, like broken glass. That's probably why she still plans to discover who did this to you and slowly butcher them—accident or not—as she carefully keeps moving your wing.

When it’s finally close enough for you to reach, Wednesday watches you use healing magic for the second time that day. You slump onto the grass, exhausted. 

Thing grabs Wednesday's attention to the pile of towels neatly folded in a tree's hollow trunk. She finds a set of spare clothing and grabs those along with the towels. 

"Is the pond water sterile?"

You nod with your eyes shut.

Wednesday places the shirt next to you and then turns to the pond, and sticks her hand in to find it was lukewarm before she soaks one of the towels.

“Change into this clean shirt for now,” Wednesday orders you but her tone lacks the usual bite. She wrings the towel and passes it to Thing. “Help her wipe the blood on her back. Turn around as she changes,” Wednesday warns Thing.

Wednesday turns away and keeps her focus on the pond, soaking the next towel. Thing taps her leg when they’re done. You look extra tired from having to change shirts but it was better than letting your bloody shirt make you sticky and then crust over before you could shower. You seem to realize it yourself as you make an effort to keep your dirty wings from soaking your shirt again.

When she returns to you, Wednesday cleans the blood out of your feathers gently but thoroughly. When she uses her fingers to brush aside some of the feathers, your wings trill. 

"Tickles," you mumble. 

Wednesday doesn’t comment as she continues until the blood is washed out and properly dried. Thing hands her the ointment you use and begins to apply the salve with precision. 

It’s quiet.

Peaceful.

Wednesday feels the tension in her shoulders leave now that you are fine and she is here. 

All those hypothetical thoughts and conversations flew right out of her head.

"I will apply this for you from now on."

You open one eye to peek at Wednesday, and she stares back at you as if to challenge her. You close your eye again and nod.

"Thanks for your services, Thing," you mumble tiredly. "Your severance package will be a bottle of dew drops."

PART FOUR

[anewstartrekfan]

Why I like Kirk so much and why I think he didn’t resonate as much with general audiences as Spock did

I think what Gene Roddenberry and the rest of the tos crew underestimated is how powerful knowledge of a character can be when they thought Kirk would be popular over Spock. As season 1 progresses while you do get information about both Kirk and Spock peppered through out, how much and how it’s conveyed is important.

Spock is Stoic yes, but surprisingly he talks about his past and what it means to be Vulcan a lot. And other characters comment on Vulcans too like McCoy describing where a Vulcan heart is. Even moving onto season 2, when Spock truly, desperately, does not want to explain what Pon Farr is or that Sarek is his father, he admits these things under pressure. And all of this information is what’s gives the audience an idea of what informs his actions.

Jim Kirk however, despite being very outgoing and charismatic, very rarely talks about himself. With few exceptions, every time you do learn something about his past it’s because someone else explains it or points it out. You’ve got where no man has gone before where Gary talked about their academy days, The naked time while Spock talked about his regrets, Kirk vents that he wants a personal connection and then is literally the only person who is able to will the virus to stop effecting him (on his own I mean) just long enough for McCoy to give him the cure.

The Android copy of Kirk tells us about Kirk’s brother Sam, in Conscience of the king literally everyone except Kirk explains his tragic tarsus iv backstory, we never find out who the Ruth girl is in shore leave, and it’s Bones that brings up Sam lives on Deneva. Even in season 2 in the worst episode ever, the deadly years, when Kirk is in a room alone with his ex fiancé, she explains their history. Not Kirk.

This man is allergic to talking about himself I love it.

Edit: Whenever Jim does even sorta talk about his past, it’s always in the context of what the other people he’s talking to know about it. Take Tarsus IV. Spock tells Jim that he checked the same library records. So when Jim finally opens up at the end of the conversation, it’s information Spock and Bones already know. “I saw him [Kodos] once, 20 years ago.” Then about 10 minutes later when he’s talking with Kodos and trying to get proof, he gives Kodos a copy of the speech Jim heard him read 20 years ago. Saying that he memorized the words. Again, these are things only the two of them would know about. It’s not something Jim exclusively went through.

Then later in Obsession when Jim is talking about his prior experience with the fog, everything he references was in the report he made after the Farragut disaster that he knows Spock and Bones read. There is no new information he reveals about what happened to him or even how he felt about it. Bones has to be the one to say Jim was wrecked with guilt because at the end of the day, Jim will never willingly talk about his past without knowing or thinking the other person he’s talking to has the same information. He will not reveal anything new 95% of the time.

Anyway back to the old blog.

While I’d argue conscience of the king does most of the work you would ever need to explain why Kirk is the way he is, the fact is we don’t learn much about his past through him. Instead it’s Kirk’s actions that inform our understanding of him. Which on some level I like a lot. It’s rare that a tv series doesn’t lean heavily into some tragic backstory explaining why a character acts the way they do. But it isn’t just he doesn’t have multiple tragic backstories. It’s what we know nothing about his past in general. Ffs we didn’t learn he grew up in Iowa until Star Trek IV. It might not even be Riverside! That town just claimed it for themselves and everyone rolled with it.

Edit: SNW did confirm after almost 40 years that riverside is Kirk’s birthplace.

The audience never truly closes the gap with Kirk because he never willingly opens up (at least where I am in the show idk maybe the movies change this) So comparatively Spock just had more going on.

[mrs--edge]

I'd like to thank you for your help as we've ventured into this. The permanence of my denial is for a different reason but with the same results. Your captions, answers to questions, and general advice have really helped a lot. My wife, like you, doesn't want to discuss it much. Basically, her attitude is this is where we are now and discussing it won't change that. I'm finding that not being able to discuss it much is actually another element of denial. She doesn't want to be reminded by my questions about how things were before. So, not discussing it is helping her fully accept my vixskin as the replacement for my penis. Were you dominant at all before you two began this? My wife isn't but I'm certainly seeing some elements of her being a little more assertive since we've began this. Nothing crazy. Just little things here and there. Thank you again for the help from both you and Tom. If you ever wonder if all the effort is worth it, doing this blog. I'm here to tell you that I'm very appreciative of what you're both doing.

I do not know your wife, but I will say that I didn't care to talk about it all that much with my husband back when we started. I understand now that it was a new thing and he was really excited, but at the time it felt like it was all I heard about. Things have calmed down for the both of us, and honestly, we almost never talk about it at all anymore.

I think that my attitude is a lot like how your wife may be approaching this. Being locked is his new life. He will always be locked, he will always use the Vixskin Ranger, and he will never be inside me again. That's it. There is nothing else to discuss. Well... except that when we make love I do like to remind him.

I don't think I was particularly dominant, as in, like a sex domme or anything. But I do like knowing that I'm in charge, and I can say that taking all the control, the decision making for locking him has given me a sense of confidence about our relationship.

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

I've got a question! I know based on your blog that Ming Fan is Shen Qingqiu's senior disciple, but does that mean he was the first disciple Shen Qingqiu accepted period, or that he was the first one Shen Qingqiu promoted to inner disciple? I don't recall any mention of inner vs outer disciples prior to the Airplane extras, so I'm a bit unclear on how that might related to the position of senior disciple.

Sorta related, but do you think there may still have been other young disciples on the peak, that were selected by the previous peak lord, when Shen Qingqiu took over? I'm uncertain if the peak lords would stop selecting new disciples in anticipation of their ascension, or they would continue to select them as usual.

I suppose they could do something like bringing their designated successors along with them to the selections, then making their choices with said successor's input. Or perhaps it's entirely up to the peak lord, with some continuing to make selections on their own, others allowing their successors to advise them, and still others no longer accepting disciples (plus Bai Zhan continuing to do it's own thing, where nobody is selected, but anyone can climb the mountain and join).

At this point, I'm seriously considering making an "Explaining Canon" post about the workings and rankings of CQM as far as we know, including the different types of disciples, acceptance policies, etc. because it can get pretty confusing, and there are a lot of gaps in what canon tells us that can sometimes be filled via genre convention, but other times it's a toss-up/entirely up to interpretation. SVSSS kind of plays fast and loose with worldbuilding in general, and we already know that PIDW does too, so it does sort of make sense but at the same time it can be so confusing for fic writers!

This got long so, answer below the cut:

Ming Fan being Senior Disciple means that he is currently the most senior of Shen Qingqiu's personal disciples/Qing Jing Peak's inner disciples (for CQM, I believe those terms are somewhat interchangeable but I'll explain them more in another post). It doesn't mean he was the very first one Shen Qingqiu took-- though he was probably one of the first. We do know that SQQ has driven disciples off the peak before, so it's possible that Ming Fan had a shixiong or two that are no longer present, but it's also equally likely that he was, in fact, the first inner disciple. As for a promotion, disciples don't have to start as outer disciple and then become inner disciple-- that was SQH's situation, but Luo Binghe seems to be an inner/personal disciple from when he was first selected. My interpretation is that inner disciples are those personally selected by the peak lord, while outer disciples are either those selected by other members of the PL's generation, or those who asked to be taken into the peak and were accepted, but not actually chosen themselves. Different peaks might also have different admission policies-- perhaps An Ding Peak accepts a larger amount of outer disciples due to the manpower required, while Qing Jing Peak's ranks may be thinner. This, of course, is all just speculation-- there are plenty of possible explanations, since canon doesn't give us much to go off of in this sort of thing.

We do know that there are disciples of the PLs' generation on the mountain, with a specific example being Bai Zhan's Ji Jue, but there's nothing to say when the former generation stopped accepting disciples. It is common in xianxia, though, for a master to close their gates and stop accepting disciples altogether-- oftentimes the 关门弟子 character type I discussed here can be an exception to this, taken in after the master has normally stopped accepting disciples. My guess is that, most likely, a peak lord would stop taking young personal disciples before ascension, but there's nothing to say distinctly one way or another. Personally, though, I think it highly likely that Shen Qingqiu was also 关门弟子, and there were no others accepted after him, but that's just my headcanon.

For QJP specifically, we don't see any members aside from SQQ and his direct disciples. This doesn't necessarily mean there are no others, as we know that SQQ was not the only member of the peak when he became PL, but QJP also may be a fairly small peak, and SQQ's shixiong may have decided to leave or go often travelling after he became peak lord-- otherwise, there are other members of the peak and their disciples, we just never meet any of them in SVSSS and they are not mentioned.

I wouldn't be surprised if successors went along to the selection, perhaps even selecting their first disciples before the former generation's ascension-- this would occur once the former generation had officially closed their gates and stopped accepting disciples, passing the lineage on to their successors. It also wouldn't be surprising for successors to simply attend the selection in order to observe it. We do know that Cang Qiong holds a recruitment once every year-- so there is some way for new disciples to get onto the peak, whether it is the successors taking their own, or other members of the current leadership generation, or outer disciples being accepted without a specific master.

Ultimately, I think that CQM's Peak Lords have a lot of freedom in how they run their peaks, including how they select disciples, when they close their gates, etc. CQM really does seem, a lot of times, to be more like twelve individual small sects rolled up into one, instead of one fully cohesive unit with policies and customs uniform across the peaks. At the end of the day, we don't have very much canonical worldbuilding, so a lot of things are up for interpretation when writing fics.

If you want some ideas on how things might be run, feel free to take ideas from other xianxia/wuxia novels-- for example, Tai Sui by priest and Zhu Xian by Xiao Ding both have fairly comprehensive political/sect worldbuilding, where MXTX's worldbuilding is a bit more loose/only made note of when specifically relevant to the plot, which is more closely focused on relationships between characters.

In the end, I would absolutely love to have more canon information regarding Cang Qiong's disciple selection, and sect rules and demographics in general, as well as more about the ascension of peak lords and transfer of power... sadly, it seems we will have to forever make do with headcanons.

[hellsite-proteins]

I LOVE THIS BLOG… would you be able to explain the stuff you’re doing to someone who knows nothing about proteins? all I can remember is something to do with dna ..?

of course! ill do my best to give an entry level crash course here, but if any of this is unclear please leave a comment or send an ask so i can better explain.

DISCLAIMER: all of this has been simplified, and because biology is messy, there are exceptions to pretty much everything i've said. the point is not to give a perfect explanation, but rather a general understanding

the central dogma of molecular biology is pretty much our version of "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell", and since you've alluded to it already, i'll start there. it states that genetic information goes from DNA to RNA to proteins. inside of almost any cell is DNA, which codes for all of the genetic information allowing the cell to function. for our purposes right now, just think of DNA as an instruction manual. when a protein is going to be made, the part of the DNA sequence encoding it is copied over to make a RNA sequence.

RNA is structurally similar to DNA, but while DNA is usually found as a double helix (with two complementary strands), RNA is more often single stranded. it is less stable than DNA, so it does not work as well for long term information storage, but is smaller and can cary out numerous crucial functions.

prokaryotes are things like bacteria, and are distinct from eukaryotes (which includes us) because they lack a nucleus. this means that their DNA is loose inside their cell, rather than sectioned away. in prokaryotes, transcription (which copies information from DNA -> RNA) and translation (which is the process of going from RNA -> proteins) can happen at the same time, while in eukaryotes these processes are separated, as DNA is too large to leave the nucleus. messenger RNA (mRNA) is the specific type of RNA used to code for proteins in all cells. inside a eukaryotic cell, mRNA must be processed to increase its stability and allow it to exit the nucleus.

now, getting to the part about proteins! proteins are made through a process called translation, which translates the information stored using a sequence of nucleic acids on RNA to a string of amino acids known as a protein. each set of three nucleic acids, which on mRNA can be A, U, C or G, makes up the codon for one amino acid. the code is referred to as 'degenerate', since there is a lot of redundancy built in and so some information is lost along the way. there are more possible codons than there are amino acids, and so there is a lot of overlap with several codons coding for the same amino acid.

translation is accomplished using organelles known as ribosomes. these bind to the relevant RNA sequence and help join together the amino acids that are encoded by their sequence, forming peptide bonds. this is done using another specialized type of RNA called a transfer RNA (tRNA), which sticks temporarily to the three-letter codon on the mRNA and carries the corresponding amino acid to the ribosome so that it can be joined with the others in the sequence. all proteins start with the same codon (AUG), and subsequent amino acids are added one at a time. RNA and proteins both have directionality, which means that the two different ends of these molecules are not the same, and the direction you read the sequence in matters.

as a protein is assembled, the N terminal end is put together first, and so this part exits the ribosome while the rest is still being built. at this point, it comes in contact with the liquid inside the cell, and starts to bend itself into different shapes in order to make the most thermodynamically stable structure. this happens spontaneously, and is an effort to minimize the free energy of the protein and the surrounding water molecules. basically, everything wants to be in a state that requires as little energy as possible, and will fold itself to get there. think of this as a similar process to getting home after a long day, and trying to make yourself comfortable as fast as possible. protein folding is the equivalent to you taking off your jeans and lying down on your couch.

the thing is, proteins are complicated, and they need to fold quickly, because the inside of a cell is crowded and chaotic. the way they fold is influenced by several different factors, including how fast translation takes place and whether anything else is nearby to help them fold correctly. proteins do countless different highly specific things in any given cell, and their ability to function is based entirely around their structure. just like how you probably have numerous different tools in your home made of plastic, but each one is a different shape and therefore does something unique. if someone came along and melted your plastic cups until they were completely deformed, they wouldn't be of much use.

the primary structure of a protein is its amino acid sequence, and the secondary structure is made by interactions between nearby backbone atoms, but the tertiary structure is the main thing you'll see looking at any real protein structure. it is the combination of interactions between all the atoms within one amino acid chain. if this gets damaged (which can happen with things like heat and strong chemicals), the protein is said to be denatured. some proteins also have a quaternary structure, which is formed as different folded chains of amino acids each making up one subunit assemble together to make a bigger, more complicated protein.

whether they folded wrong from the start (like your plastic cup getting made with a hole in the bottom at the factory) or they started off fine but then got broken (like your plastic cup melting after you leave it on the hot stove), misfolded proteins are the wrong shape and therefore cannot perform their function correctly. these can do a lot of damage in an organism, and are generally a waste of resources to keep around, so they get destroyed and their parts are recycled.

hope this helps!

letter sequence in this ask matching protein-coding amino acids:

ILVETHISLGwldyealeteplainthestffyredingtsmenewhknwsnthingatprteinsallIcanrememerissmethingtdwithdna

protein guy analysis:

this protein is strange, terrible and filled with holes! just like many of the other structures, the myriad of loops want nothing to do with each other, and everything is all over the place. this whole structure is disordered and likely wiggling around trying to find something else to stick to and mess with. just a toxic trainwreck that should never have existed.

predicted protein structure:

[soursvgar]

hii !! i have been absolutely obsessed with your writing every since i found your blog 💖 the way you write each character is just oshshqjs SO good (especially lucifer!!i see him as a hard character to write but yours is just *CHEFSKISS*)

if its okay i would like to request the brothers reacting to an mc who strongly reeks of their sin, i would like to think that the brothers sense their sin on humans so them coming across of one who is just bathing in it would be interesting, whether mc acts on it or not its up to 💖💖

The brothers with MC that matches their sin ♡

A/N: thank you so very much, this is a huge compliment 🥺 this is actually such an incredible prompt and i love this idea so much, it was challenging but really fun! i really hope i managed to convey your intentions with this request ;v;

Pairing: demon brothers x gender neutral reader

Warnings: Since this inherently revolve around the topic of sin there are some warnings, so please read at your own discretion! (food mentions and implied ED to some level in beel's part, as well as insecurity and mental health themes in general, also just basically demons being demons?)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Lucifer ━ ෆ

Pride is the sin used to weaponize the devil himself, a deceitful perception of the self that led to the downfall of many━ but not yours. Adversative to the concept of humility, you exult in your achievements and flaunt your success; you've always believed that preeminence should be celebrated. Needless to say, you did not draw the same praise from others, judging you as arrogant and vain. Thus, a new beginning in a new place was exactly right for you. But what happens when two entities harboring hubris are put together?

The moment you walk in, Lucifer has you all figured out, or so he believes, at least. Your conceit is so prominent it tugs on every cell in his body. But to his dismay, the act you put among demons is the antithesis to the image you exude. You portray a clean, humble image of an innocent human, ready to cleanse a rotten world. He will force it out of you, though, there is no need to be modest, not with him. And it will be exceptional, a beautiful display of your sin.

"There's nothing more attractive than a corrupted soul." He exclaims when he finally earns a scarce chance to be alone with you, signaling you to join him on the couch. "Us demons..." He trails off, eyes skimming over your features. "We can't resist the temptation to taint a pure soul, but when we sense a human with a sin already ingrained in them, it's even more impossible to defy our instincts." Explaining, he pulls you closer by your collar when you take your seat next to him. "Will you be good and start acting upon yours━ or shall I say, mine? Or do I have to provoke you to do so?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Mammon ━ ෆ

For anyone who is familiar with you, or even just spent a couple minutes in your company, it is clear that you are ambitious, and always strive for the most. You need to present yourself in the best luxurious brands, you absolutely have to acquire the most advanced, cutting-edge technology, and you would never be caught with a cheap knock off of anything, down to the smallest, most mundane items. Throughout your entire life you had been insatiable, forever on the pursuit for the next big thing; careers, relationships, you always desired something better than what you already had, which was going pretty badly for you. That is, until you reached the devildom.

When Mammon meets you it’s like he finally finds his partner in crime. It's your visuals that speak to him first, your glamorous attire was the first piece to a puzzle that piqued his curiosity. However, it's only when he delves deeper, picking your brain during your time spent together, that he realizes how deep the sin runs within you. But is it morally wrong to feed into that sin? Will he break some kind of a promise to Lucifer or Diavolo for tainting your delicate soul if he only fosters an already existent feature? And is he even a demon if he wouldn't at least try?

"Oy." He calls out to you from the further corner of the room. "I'm about to sneak out and hit the casino, do ya wanna- like, y'know, join maybe? First few rounds are on me- unless ya end up losing." He examines your body language as you listen intently, and by the looks of it, it tells him that it's game on.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Leviathan ━ ෆ

Veiled under the surface, lies a thin layer of covetousness under your compliments. It's not that you are unable to genuinely flatter, it's just that you are certain it is your wishes that should be coming true, your efforts coming to fruition, not others'. It had been a bad habit that you were unable to shake, forever to be concealed in the depths of your wishful, jealous heart. Unless?

When you first arrived, Leviathan was unfazed; you were just another human, a species he was well acquainted with, and found pretty boring - faultless, innocent normies with their rules and integrity. Once he makes the effort to step out of his room and actually meet you, though, something immediately clicks in him, you are different. Leviathan sees through you, your sin glows in his eyes, responding to his presence as it engulfs you in its aura. He had never perceived a human beautiful before, not until he senses the envy waiting to ooze out of you, and he can't wait to release it, wanting to see your malice shine in its full glory.

"Hey best friend." Leviathan grins at you, hand delicately caressing your cheek as he speaks, his tone soft and mellow. "Remember when I beat you in your favorite game? Over and over again? And completely crushed you? Aren't I so good at it?" He merely laughs as your face flushes, enjoying the anger visibly seething within you at his attempts to make you act out on your envy. Strangely, you didn't mind, and you have never felt more validated in your life. No one in the human world prepares you that being in love with a demon means they absolutely bask in anything you ever viewed as your shortcomings.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Satan ━ ෆ

You didn't want to call it anger issues, but everyone else did. In your opinion, it was everybody else's problem for trying you. You were aware that your patience has its limits, and said limits are plainly easy to cross; it doesn't take much to provoke you and your reactions are far from being controlled and passive. You choose to live by it, though, as your wrath is a beast even you couldn't tame, and you wonder if anyone out there were to prevail it.

He wants you as his project. Satan mentally exclaims. His own little feisty human who's troubled with the burden of a short fuse and fails to command it, just like he used to be. Teaching you to contain and channel your power is an achievement he'll be able to brag upon, something within his department, that only he can master, and Lucifer could never. Except, he did not expect the outcome - Satan finds himself fascinated by you, your reasonings, and most of all, the passion that fuels your intense emotions. Without realizing, his plan backfires as he ends up wanting more of your fire, more of your ferocity, becoming a little too tangled up in enabling your wrath, and reviving his own in the process.

"I said I don't have it!" Your brows furrow, shooting daggers at the blonde. "It's alright if you took it, just let me know next ti-" His expression is calm, even condescending while he accuses you in vain. "I didn't take it!!" You don't allow him to complete his sentence, your nerves quickly getting the best of you as your voice is raised by a couple octaves. Satan smirks, he knows you didn't take his belongings, but he also know you're one popped vein away from turning the situation into a steamy, temper filled makeout session.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Asmodeus ━ ෆ

Viewing the world through a pink lens, you were one infatuation away from losing your mind. No one could quite understand your deep attachments, or support your confidence; perhaps it was all because you are the one putting the emphasis on your wrong attributes. There is no doubt that you are breathtakingly beautiful, and people notice it from a mile away, letting you have your way with them whichever form you like. But then, why do you constantly feel so empty?

There is no way a human can be this beautiful, maybe- even more than himself? No, this can't be, can it? Asmodeus finds himself in a state of consternation. He resents it at first, he used to be the one drawing everyone's attention with his unimaginable beauty; it's not until your eyes finally meet that he's struck with the same bewilderment. But something seems off about this human, do they seem... sad? For some reason, it cheers him up. Maybe it's because it makes you more approachable, or maybe it's because he finally meets someone who shares a similar problem, one that no one else can see past the initial vibrant attitude. No one, but Asmodeus.

"Do you like this outfit on me?" Patting out your clothes, you bashfully seek for Asmodeus' approval. "Sweetheart, with your gorgeous face you would look good wearing even a potato sack." His eyes soften as he scans your roseate cheeks. "You do look good in it though, but... you know that that's not where your charm lie, right?" He frowns when your eyes widen with surprise, are you truly not aware of your good measures? Because they are so obvious to him.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Beelzebub ━ ෆ

Food is among life's greatest pleasures - satisfying, comforting and delicious. You label yourself a curious connoisseur, admiring the different stages your food goes through before ending on your plate, tingling your tastebuds. You truly love, appreciate, and cherish the different types of cuisines in the world, however, society viewed your food adoration as disgraceful, consequently causing you to suppress a meaningful chunk of your personality for the sake of acceptance.

Beel is desensitized to the inkling that washes over him when he initially sees you. He's used to receiving this warm, familiar feeling from food all the time, so he's mostly indifferent to it, and didn't realize it's actually you emitting it this time. He only pays mind to it when the family sits down together for your first dinner with them - inquisitive, you eye the diverse food on the plate, only to reject it with a smile. Cocking an eyebrow at the sight, Beel is wondering who in their right mind would refuse a devildom delicacy.

Later that evening, a knock on your door breaks the silence settled in your new room. You allow the visitor in, watching as Beel steps in with a loaded tray, filled to the brim with a variety of snacks. "You didn't have anything at dinner, so I wanted to introduce you to some other local treats, maybe there's something in here that would fit your taste?" He explains, placing the platter on your desk. "Thank you Beel, but I'm not really hungry." You inform, but the latter won't budge. "Well, I'm staying here until you try at least some of them, so take your time. I have no other place to be at for awhile." Your heart flutter at the gesture. Maybe in this new world you no longer have to hide who you are, at least not with Beelzebub.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ෆ ━ Belphegor ━ ෆ

On any day, you would take staying home with a good book or a movie over going out. Leaving your safe haven often feels like a chore, and the older you became, the rarer it was to find the time for these moments of solace. Nothing beats the comfort of staying in bed for you, cuddled in a duvet and left to your lonesome. But people continually take it the wrong way, deeming you apathic and careless for not wanting to engage in the same tiresome activities they enjoy. Life in the human world is not easy for a domestic being, and surrounded by all the wrong ones, you find yourself pondering if like-minded people even exist.

Belphegor has months of making up to do when he's finally (properly) introduced to you. His sentiment with you was way too damaged to even acknowledge the fact his sin was practically covering every inch of your existence, something he usually would sniff from miles away. It took a bit of warming up from your side as he patiently waited for you to set the pace, but when you finally agree to nap with him one afternoon━ nose buried in your soft locks━ he ultimately detects the reason he feels so in tune with you.

"Who is it?" Belphegor peeks over your shoulder as your phone lights up with a text message. "It's Asmo, he wants me to go window shopping with him." You sigh, your finger hover over the keys, contemplating your reply. Belphegor puts an end to your turmoil by taking the device from your hands and clicking it shut. "There, problem solved. Now come back to bed, it's cold without you by my side." He smiles, pulling you closer by your arms. "You're a bad influence, Belphie." You shake your head, but he just shrugs in response. "You can call it that, but I just know what you want."

[ultraviolethypno]

hey there!

i'm ultraviolet, or uvie, or UV, or however else you'd like to call me. i'm 26, an autistic man/something, and an amateur hypnotist.

on a lark, i put a friend under for the first time late last year and at their request had them live out a series of transformation/command scenarios they'd been holding close to the chest for a while. it ended up being a great time for all involved, and i realized i quite enjoy the whole "service tist" angle of hypnosis. i figured i'd start spelunking, see who's interested, remembered that tumblr has a huge hypnokink scene, and now here we are!

safety, consent, and deference are beyond mandatory with me; they're elementary. quite frankly, they should be elementary for you too. i will work around your schedule, around your tastes, on your time. as a general rule, anything you might want to try (even the really weird specific or hardcore stuff you don't have a sideblog for) is on the table, but check with me first.

i give you my word: there will be no commands or triggers given for grimy shit (findom, unprompted trance, video recordings) unless it's been discussed. in kind, nothing i do will last beyond the end of the session unless it's been discussed.

i read all DMs as soon as physically possible and will usually get back to you within the day, but my real life obligations tend to swallow my whole day. if i don't answer, it's nothing personal!

i'm not on discord too often but just in case the name is ultraviolethypno! display name is "uvie"

ADDITIONALLY: JUST BECAUSE I HAVE FOLLOWED YOU DOES NOT MEAN I'M LOOKING FOR YOU TO BE A SUB SOMETIMES I AM JUST HANGING OUT ON THE COMPUTER. if i want a session with you i'll straight up ask.

NO-NOs

- no minors, absolutely no exceptions

- blank blogs (no avatar, no personal info, just reblogs, etc.) will likely get ignored! we're all putting ourselves out here a little for this, you should do the same.

- pictures are welcome, but let me know if they're coming!

- i have an incredibly hard time being put under and even if i didn't i still probably wouldn't want it! don't come wide with that covert shit either, i know all the tricks.

- i reserve the right to ignore any particular messages for whatever reason. don't be pushy!

- if i say no to something, that's the last word on it until i say otherwise.

there's good weird and bad weird, let's stay being the former! i can't wait to show you a good time!

[lautski-week]

HELLO LAUTSKI NATION

I would like to welcome you all to the second Lautski week!

Here are the prompts, but all future plans for the event, FAQ, and notes on the survey from last week will be under the cut!

SO! First off! Thank you to everyone who responded! To the people who suggested future prompts, they’re all in consideration for future events. Except one of the alternates. I replaced one of the original alternates with “Fairy Tale” for my own sake, I salute whoever suggested that.

Surveys came pretty overwhelmingly in favor of making Lautski week a semi-annual event, with one week in the summer and one in the winter. So don’t be too surprised if this account is revived again in April/May. As long as people are interested, I’ll keep running it!

And now, some general Q&A stuff!

Q: What are alternates?

A: Alternates are two extra prompts in case one of them leaves you stumped! They can be used any day, or they can not be used at all! It’s up to each individual participant!

Q: Do I have to do all seven days?

A: You’re free to do as many as you want! You can do all seven, you can do just a few, hell, you could do all nine in you wanted! This isn’t a challenge, it’s an event. The main goal is to make some posts about this ship we’re all brainrotting for and having fun.

Q: What can I make?

A: Anything you want! Art, fics, edits, memes, etc. Nothing’s off the table.

Q: How do I post?

A: I’ll reblog anything made for the event to this blog and my main. If you’d like to be featured, please @ THIS blog. Additionally, I’d recommend tagging works with #lautski week so everyone’s works can all be found in the same place.

Q: I was late! Can I still post?

A: Of course! I’ll keep reblogging new posts tagged #lautski week and/or mention this blog through December 13!

Q: Can I post to AO3, then link it back here?

A: Absolutely! Also, I recently found out “Lautski week” was wrangled into its own tag on AO3, so I guess it’s officially recognized now 😭 Granted, it mentions my old URL and assumed it would be an annual event. Either way, Lautski Nation has truly made it I guess. But point being, yes, that’s fine!

Q: Can I post to (insert any other fanfic site here) then link it back here?

A: Same as AO3. Go ahead!

Q: One of my wips fits *insert prompt here!* Can I post it for that day?

A: You can, but please don’t post before the event begins!

That’s it. I’m pretty sure. If there are any other questions/concerns, feel free to DM or send an ask! I’ll rb this both here and on main periodically until the event begins, but until then, I can’t wait to see everyone’s works! See y’all soon and have fun! 💛💚💜

[crusherthedoctor]

Hey all, hope everyone's doing good. Thought I should give an update on my current perspective on things around here, as it's shifted for reasons I'll get into.

In a nutshell, I'm feeling better than before... but I also think it's time for me to semi-check out of current Sonic discussion.

By now, you all know that with the exception of Superstars and Dream Team - and Jimbotnik, because of course - I've not been enthusiastic about much of the current stuff. Whether that be the likelihood that they'll continue with a Frontiers direction, the SA2 milking that has made me more sick to death of its influence than I thought was possible, the Year of Shadow in general not being all that enticing if your top ten does not include him, IDW still causing the same repetitive back-and-forths with its characteristically terrible decisions and disproportionate praise from fans who don't actually buy the comic, various other bits and pieces that plant further Eggdad seeds into people's heads, a bunch of other stuff that I'm just apathetic about while everyone else goes crazy over them... it's not been a great time for me. I'm the Garfield, and the current direction is the Monday.

That would all be one thing, but as you may expect, it's the fandom that really irks me. I don't like how it's considered necessary to make every post a bestseller in order for your opinion to be seen as valid and insightful. I don't like how you're expected to not criticise something just because it's popular or "iconic". I don't like how everyone dedicates themselves to the same old lengthy discourse that will continue to not change anyone's minds either way, since the only people listening are the ones who already agreed with them. I don't like how you have Flynn/Archie/IDW stans on one side, and an increasingly common "Japan only, no one else should ever touch the series, also the Japanese fandom is the only one with good people in it, I was born in the wrong country uwu" mentality on the other side.

And... I don't like that I've brought these concerns up so many times before when I know it'll always fall on deaf ears. Why do I do this? Why do I bother? For the fandom, I guess. But if the fandom doesn't even respect me, if my words are always doomed to ring in an empty hallway, why should I bother?

While all this has been going on, the Paper Mario Thousand-Year Door remake has been on my mind quite a bit, as it has been for a lot of folk. As someone who has always loved TTYD, as well as the original N64 Paper Mario, I'm happy to report that I absolutely adore the remake, and quickly considered it a gold standard as far as faithful remakes go. :) There's a lot of reasons for that, but that's best for another time. Anyway, after a certain point, it occurred to me... hasn't it been a while since I've been able to just relax and join in on the hype for something? Hasn't it been a while since my opinion lined up with that of the majority? Hasn't it been a while since, regardless of not actually posting, I felt like I belonged somewhere, and wasn't being made to constantly feel like I'm worthless because I'm not an artist, animator, etc?

I think this is something I've been needing for a long time now. The irony of it coming from the bing bing wahoo man is not lost on me.

After how the past few years in the Sonic fandom have felt like a classroom more than anything, watching everyone repeat the same Why ___ Is Secretly Good/Bad three hour manifestos over and over, and flogging themselves for being Not-Japanese, can you see why the simple pleasures of "hehe Vivian :3" would appeal to me? Can you see why I'd prefer to unwind? I made a valiant effort, but now, I can't force myself to keep up with shit that I'm not passionate about for the sake of a community that doesn't care about what I have to say anyway. I need to find myself a place on here that I can be at ease with.

So what does this mean for my blog? Well, nothing too jarring, just that my focus may shift a little for the time being. Despite what all of the above may imply, I'm not turning in my Sonic badge. I still love the franchise, even if I'm not so fond of its overall current direction. And obviously, I still love Eggman, that'll never change. I'll still answer asks about the series, talk about things I like, reblog stuff I like, work on Stellar, spread Egg Propaganda, and so on. But unless I'm asked about them in certain contexts (ie: "how would you improve this character"?), I refuse to talk about IDW, Frontiers, or anything else whose contents and fandom circles cause me migraines.

Not because toxic positivity, but because after the joy of gushing over Vivian TTYD, and remembering the feeling of belonging, I can't do this again. I can't change Tails calling himself Wildly Inconsistent. I can't change The End being a nothingburger. I can't change Lanolin being an arsehole. I can't change Surge's shilling. I can't change how unprofessional the IDW crew is. I can't change what they're doing with Eggman, and various other characters. I can't change any of these things, no matter how much I or anyone else rants about them, and half the time, no one is seriously listening anyway. So many words for so little results. So I need to move on, stop wasting my time, and turn my attention on things that actually make me happy instead of just... deflated. Maybe if I do that, I can belong again. Maybe when the direction inevitably changes again in the future, it'll feel like it came faster.

So yeah. That's where I'm at now. I hope you guys can understand.

[alexanderwales]

Roguelite LitRPG Theorycrafting

I had a great idea for a litRPG that takes its inspiration from roguelites rather than JRPGs or Skyrim.

I do not have the time to write such a novel, and will not have time to write it into the foreseeable future. But I do have time for some theorycrafting:

A classic roguelite of the current generation has variable powers and powerups drawn from a small pool that change the character of the run over time. Maps and enemies are boundedly random. When you die, you might have some meta progression, which is usually in the form of unlocks. Sometimes this makes the game easier, but often it just adds in variety. You go until you win or die, and then you go again, starting from nothing.

To start with, I think this has to be a time loop, because it fits that pattern too well. I wrote a blog post about time loops, and would include some ideas and variations from there.

The protagonist starts every loop as a total scrub, but gets to select from a few options at the loop start (or just after) and then at either intervals or with things accomplished. The pool of powers needs to be fairly small, but large enough that we don't see repeats all that often. We want a protagonist who is forced to make the best of a bad situation.

There are a few cool things about this, but the biggest is that we get to see the protagonist solve the same problems in different ways. One one loop, getting into the compound is easy, because he has flight and invisibility, but on another loop, it requires a firefight because he's got a laser belly and can absorb flesh to regenerate. The protagonist presumably has goals, so we also have some stakes built in: all runs are not built the same. When you're on a "hot" run where it seems like everything is going your way, you can't immediately grind your way back to that if you fail. Stakes are one of the things that are sometimes lacking in time loops, so we're solving that problem as a byproduct.

Similarly, a weird power build can take the story in different places. You're able to walk through stone, and all of the sudden you realize that you can penetrate the defenses of the mage academy. You strike while the iron is hot, and uncover things that would, in a normal run, be locked away from you.

There are problems here. The biggest is that I think a lot of audiences would cry about the author's thumb being on the scale, because audiences will always cry about that no matter what. Which powers get offered to the protagonist on any given run will be under scrutiny though, and even things that aren't forced will feel like they might have been. Readers don't like that, particularly litRPG readers, who sometimes come to the genre for a sense of "fair play". I'm not sure there's a way around that, though this is one of the rare cases I feel like an author rolling dice might actually make sense, so long as it was done in a way that would be difficult to fake. This might make for a worse story though, since the author would have less control of the plot.

One of the other things that interests me is ... what if the world changed in the same way it does in a roguelite? In a normal time loop story, the world is static and predictable, but wouldn't it be interesting to write a story in a time loop that acted more like Rogue Legacy, where there are certain "anchors" and patterns to the world, but much that is random and different? The protagonist wakes in the same apartment building every time, but sometimes he's next to a park and other times it's a train station. There's a corner store three blocks away that's always exactly identical down to the misalignment of the Mars bars, always with the same woman with a streak of blue hair behind the counter. Is this meaningful, that everything changes except the things that inexplicably don't? Almost definitely. It's another mystery to unravel with every new run and a new, diverse set of powers under your belt.

There's a chance I write this at some point. There's always a chance. But I think sometimes it's good for me to sit down and think about the possibilities, then resign myself to moving on without devoting the next month's word count to something that's captured my fancy.

[theworldreturning]

Intro Post

Hello! I'm participating in @pkmoth's askapalooza event! So here's just some general stuff to know bout how this blog's gonna go!

Info under the cut!

About The AU:

Nothing too special about this AU, really, I think it's a concept everyone's come up with at some point. It's a post story AU after Mother 3's ending where the world is reformed after Lucas asks the dragon to give the planet and humanity another chance.

As a side effect, a good amount of people have come back and/or changed to be allowed that second chance (mainly those who had some form of regret in the old world). Some folks are very different to allow for this to happen, and as such have changed memories and lives, but most remain unchanged from how they were when the world ended and reformed.

The new world takes place in an alternate post Mother 2 universe, but now the Nowhere Islands exist alongside everything else (Though now on maps and such, they're known as the Dragon's Rest Isles). Due to this timeline change, while the folks from Mother 1 are here, they're older now.

So who can you ask?:

You can ask most anyone important from the games! Though if you want more specific people/groups you have:

Claus, Lucas, and Fuel. Who are currently still living in the Dragon's Rest Isles.

They all retain memories of the previous world, but mostly try to put it behind them. For now they're trying their best to retain some sense of normalcy and get used to how things are going to work in their new life (much like everyone else in New Tazmily).

As a point of note: Due to what physically happened to him in the previous world, Claus may not be fully able to answer some questions (may be beyond his scope of vocabulary, or too difficult to understand). In those cases, Fuel or Lucas will probably answer for him. ( Yes, Claus is still a chimera. Yes this affects his behavior.)

The Chosen 4 from Mother 2 (plus Pokey and Picky). Back at home after their journey.

Though the chosen 4 went their separate ways after their journey, they're still good friends and come to visit often. Also due to the world being given a second chance, Pokey is back to being Ness' neighbor, but this time has accepted friendship (mostly, he's still a bit of a prickly kid.)

As a huge note: While the chosen 4 remember the previous world, Pokey and his family DO NOT. Their memories are rewritten to have allowed for Pokey to get a second chance! (Their behaviors are still similar to the previous world though.)

Ninten (And the main party of Mother 1). Now grown up and living their lives in relative peace.

This cast is grown up now (they're in their 20s, minus teddy who is in his late 30s early 40s). While we'll mostly only see Ninten around, the others can answer asks! Also due to proximity (since he moved), Ninten and his cousin Ness can also answer some things together from time to time!

General Asking Rules:

For the most part, at least for now, the casts from the game are mostly separate. The only exceptions are the M1 and M2 casts, who either visit often or are in close enough proximity that they're semi-aware of each other. They'll all meet eventually (at least that's my hope), but for now they remain separate.

No NSFW asks, of course. Most of the casts are still minors. I'll also apply no shipping asks into this. It's not a main thing I wish to focus on, any ships that happen are just there and not the biggest focus.

Don't spam the same asks, it'll just lead me to not answering them. (This doesn't apply if you happen to ask the same question as someone else! If enough people ask the same thing, it may eventually make it to an OOC FAQ post!)

I will TRY to answer with at least a black and white sketch, but I am a working man, so my time is sometimes quite limited. I apologize in advanced.

Due to the above, I may also take a bit to answer some questions! Please do be patient, I will try my best to answer them all!

I will also answer RP-type asks, but they may remain short or more spread out in between normal asks as I'm not the best at roleplaying.

You can be mean to characters, but don't push it too far!! If you sent an ask that I found overly aggressive and you never see it answer, assume it was a bit too far.

Lastly, What About The Future of This Blog?:

If I have fun manning this blog through the month, and people still seem decently interested, I may continue it past the askapalooza! But that all depends on the future, so don't hold me to it! Just know that whatever the decision, I will have appreciated everyone taking the time to just look or even interact with these guys!

[jeannereames]

Going through other classical fan’s blog on here, I saw one person put forward a theory that Hephaestion was erased from history due to his excessive cruelty, such as him torturing Philotas. Could there be any truth in that? Was Hepheastion uniquely cruel as he became more powerful in Alexander’s empire?

The Problem with Hephaistion’s Erasure

…is that he wasn’t erased. (Or not until later.) It’s perception more than a reality. He actually has quite a bit of mention in Curtius, Arrian, Diodoros, and Plutarch—as much (or more) than any of the other younger marshals during Alexander’s lifetime. This reflects what was present in the now-lost sources written during ATG’s career or in the generation after his death (Kallisthenes, Kleitarchos, Ptolemy, Aristobulos, Marsyas, Nearchos, Onesikritos, etc.).

Yet the notion that he was erased from the historical record is a common one. When I first arrived at Penn State and announced that I wanted to do my dissertation on Hephaistion, Gene Borza told me, “I don’t think there’s enough information in the ancient sources to support an entire dissertation on him, even as a court study.” Then, that very summer, Gene reread the ancient sources for a project of his own, and next fall, he admitted (with some surprise), “He’s in the sources more than I realized.”

(I bit my tongue on, “I told you.”)

So, what’s going on here?

First, Hephaistion didn’t outlive Alexander. Maintaining his memory was not particularly useful to any of the surviving marshals/Diadochi, except maybe Perdikkas, who inherited his position. Yet, like Leonnatos and Krateros, Perdikkas also died (relatively) early in the wars, and the Successors who outlived him (e.g., Ptolemy, Antipatros, Antigonos, Lysimachos, et al.) blackened Perdikkas’ memory.

Ergo, Hephaistion fades into the background until appropriated later by Hellenistic- and especially Roman-era rhetorical schools as part of popular anecdotes and topoi (conventional tales or themes) about Alexander.

Do you know HOW many times the “He is Alexander, too?” story appears? Sometimes positively, occasionally negatively. Same with Hephaistion reading (beside Alexander) a letter from Alexander’s mother. He also gets trotted out frequently as an example of Alexander’s lack of self-control, given the king’s “excessive” grief at his death (which seems to grow with each retelling).

Yet NONE of those has to do with his role as chiliarch or his military accomplishments. Also, in Plutarch—probably the most popular history of Alexander*—we find nothing about Hephaistion as a commander, and little about politics. Plutarch tells us the king sent Hephaistion a little dish of smelts (or sardines); that Hephaistion and Krateros got into it with swords; that Hephaistion blamed Kallisthenes for the failure of the proskynesis banquet; that he ate a whole boiled fowl and drank a pitcher of wine on the morning of his death; and that Alexander called him Philalexandros. But if Plutarch were all we had, you’d never know Hephaistion was named chiliarch!

It’s largely the personal that came down to later historians…and movie-makers like Oliver Stone (or Netflix, even when their Hephaistion historian tells them to give him more to do; at least he got to intrigue with Mazaeus). One must go to the original histories and start making lists to realize just how much Hephaistion appears, particularly post-Baktria.

The man did have a career apart from being the king’s bosom buddy. 😒

As for whether he was exceptionally cruel, three problems complicate determining that: 1) biases in the sources, 2) biases of the people who knew him, and last, 3) simple cultural differences.

Let’s start with the last, as it’s mentioned in the ask. Hephaistion was one of three marshals who interrogated Philotas. To modern readers, use of torture strikes as horrific (as well it should). But in the ancient world, torture during questioning was standard, for some. A slave’s testimony wasn’t even admissible in court unless given under torture. (Otherwise, they believed a slave would lie to save their master.) Torture of arrested (lower-ranking) soldiers in military camp was also the norm, especially by the Roman era.

It’s not the torture itself that’s shocking. It’s who it was performed on: a high-ranking member of the Hetairoi. Arrian glosses over the whole thing because Philotas (Parmenion’s son) was tortured, not because torture was employed.

Also, there were three of them: Krateros, Hephaistion, and Koenos, Philotas’s brother-in-law, who didn’t want to go down with the ship so needed to distance himself (emphatically). Plutarch has Philotas, during the torture, beg Hephaistion for pity, while Alexander listens behind a curtain. Yet Plutarch’s point is what Alexander says regarding Philotas’s lack of fortitude—not who Philotas appealed to. We absolutely cannot trust details like this in Plutarch’s anecdotes! He changes out players, and details, as it suits him. Philotas’s supposed appeal to Hephaistion quite probably didn’t happen.

But did Plutarch make Philotas beg Hephaistion in order to increase the reader’s impression of Hephaistion’s cruelty? Maybe. Yet in Plutarch’s version, it’s Krateros who’s the snake in the grass and out to get Philotas. So perhaps Plutarch is trying to imply Hephaistion was the soft-touch among the three. Despite Plutarch’s overall portrait of Hephaistion, I’m inclined to read it as the latter here. (For my article on the whole Philotas Affair.)

Still, it’s a good example of why just reading these stories and interpreting them with modern sentiments can (sometimes) result in serious misunderstandings.

The other two problems both concern bias, albeit among different groups.

As I just alluded to, our sources paint different portraits of Hephaistion. Plutarch probably has the most “negative” picture, and Curtius the most “positive.” Diodoros and Arrian are more neutral (but sometimes deceptively so, at least in Arrian). From positive to negative, I’d rank them: Curtius, Diodoros, Arrian, Plutarch. (Hephaistion’s barely in Justin, so I ignore him.)

Outside these histories, particularly in Roman rhetorical exercises, Hephaistion appears only in relation to Alexander. By then, he’d become a symbol, not an officer or even much of a person. Just Alexander’s echo: “Alexander too.”

Last, we have the biases of those who knew Hephaistion. I already noted that enshrining his memory was not particularly useful to the Diadochi, so they didn’t. Others may also have had reason to bad-mouth him. But not all, or we wouldn’t have the nicer assessments such as Curtius’s assertion that he was charming and didn’t push his place.

By the end of his life, he was Alexander’s righthand man with loads of power. That’s going to make enemies, and there were men at court afraid of him. Why isn’t clear. Was he fearsome because he was cruel and arrogant, or because he had the authority to break a man’s career (just as did the king)? It seems many of the people who were afraid of him (or disliked him) also feared Alexander. Except Krateros, who’s a special case.

Leaving him aside, we know Hephaistion also quarreled with Eumenes … but so did a lot of people, including rather infamously Antipatros. (Eumenes was also friends with Krateros.) Similarly, Arrian (7.18.1-5) relates that a certain Apollodoros told Alexander (in Babylon) about bad omens concerning him. But first, Apollodoros had asked his brother (a Seer) to sacrifice about Hephaistion, because he feared him. His brother said the omens were bad and sure enough, Hephaistion died shortly after. So Apollodoros asked his brother to sacrifice about Alexander, because he also feared him … bad again. Curiously, Apollodoros told Alexander, and got a pardon for his honesty.

Arrian recounts the story as part of his list of bad omens for Alexander in Babylon, so we’re not told why Apollodoros feared the two but may hazard a guess. Arrian sets the warning in Babylon, but most of the events predated that, going at least as far back as Ekbatana, and likely earlier.

Upon his return from India, Alexander had engaged in a lot of “house-cleaning.” Curtius (and Arrian, et al.) present him as exceptionally savage to some of those left behind to mind the store while he was away in the East. He removed them from their positions and even executed several—all based on negative accounts of their behavior in his absence, milking the populace and such. He supposedly didn’t give these noblemen a fair chance to defend themselves because he’d become easily swayed by flatterers and other courtiers with grudges (and—so Curtius—one of them was even, horrors!, a eunuch). There’s a LOT of Roman anxiety about imperial purges under this, as well as the standard template of growing tyrannical behavior that would (of course) result from Alexander’s Orientalizing.

So, we must interrogate the texts as to whether Alexander was unfairly harsh, or these men had earned their punishment. Even if Apollodoros told Alexander about the omens, it may have been to save his own neck by showing he’s really a “good guy after all.”

The negative press about Hephaistion all arises once he gained power and authority. Perhaps that’s because it went to his head, and he attacked his enemies. But it’s equally possible he went after wrong-doers in the name of the king, and they didn’t like it. After he was dead (and so was Alexander), those people got revenge with a poison pen, like Ephippos of Olynthos.

It might also be a bit of both the above. After all, in ancient Greece and Rome a moral man helped his friends and actively sought to hurt his enemies.

The upshot remains: we just don’t know what Hephaistion was like as a person. Curtius describes him as charming. Plutarch’s portrait is more hostile, but even that isn’t unmitigated. We’re reduced to “hints and allegations.” More specificity about him is what fiction is for. 😉

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* Plutarch’s popularity owes to four things. His Life of Alexander is shorter than Arrian, Curtius, or Diodoros. It’s also heavily focused on personality and anecdotes, which are intrinsically more interesting to the average reader. Thid, it was more readily available than most others (even Arrian). Last, his Lives all lend themselves to reuse in sermons/etc. as moral lessons. A number of the stories that people know best about Alexander come from Plutarch.