#this has been sitting in my drafts for a bit i was trying to marinate ideas...

[neurotonic]

🧵 and/or 🗣 for solaris ?

🧵 hobbies - solaris

She adoress stargazing in her spare time tbh. Especially when the night's so clear and the stars shine so brightly up above... I'd also like to think she picks up on some puzzles and math problems to solve. instant stress reducer, those calculus problems. Like picking up shit from her old college books when she has nothing to do. For an added challenge she avoids using the calculator to get her gears going.

🗣 social - solaris

Solaris...isn't great with maintaining relationships, unless they're people that she's required to work with a lot of the time, in which I think she tries her best to be sociable. She may have had old friends from college/other jobs, but her focus with her work left little time for socialization. Some may have been less...supportive of her interests, being a woman engineer who wants to further laser research...she has learned to pick her company more carefully ever since.

Her most prominent friendships in Zoraxis are Fabricator and Charlie methinks! She's generally amiable with the rest of her coworkers (barring Zor who she's snippy with lol). Post Death Engine however, she's become a bit more antisocial and gets a shorter temper due to her poor mental and physical state. Somehow Fabby's still so close to her (of which she's grateful for). Her trauma from atmospheric reentry (and things with heat) made her a bit wary of Charlie's general interests, but he's also been really considerate about it after the whole thing.

[thewritingbeforesunrise]

Confession.

18+ ONLY. MINORS DNI 

______________________________________

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for a bit and I finally decided to post it. I hope you like it.

This entire fic was inspired by this picture, but you can really imagine Josh how you prefer in this one. I also drew inspiration from that cursed audio of him whimpering that was circulating a while ago.

Word count: 7K

Pairing: Josh x female!reader

Warnings: NSFW 18+ONLY, graphic sexual content, language, sexual tension, oral (m!receiving).

Link to Part 2

Summary: An unexpected turn of events leads Josh to make an embarrassing confession.

 _____________________________________

A sharp  knock on your door made you jump out of your skin as you were tidying up the green room you were occupying. 

"Y/N! Open the fucking door!" You heard a very familiar voice shout from the other side.

You thought the boys were already on stage by now, you thought you heard the last call at least five minutes ago. 

What is he doing here?

The knocking continued, even harder than before, so you quickly ran to the door.

As soon as the lock clicked, Josh stormed inside and started rambling, words going at miles a minute.

He was already wearing his golden cape over the white jumpsuit with golden marine embroidery that you had designed just for him a couple of months prior, following his directions. 

After a second,  you stopped his ramblings, grasping his shoulders and shaking him slightly.

"JOSH!" You shouted over his words and he finally stopped.

"What's wrong? Why is your jumpsuit half unbuttoned? And why are you not on stage right now?" You fired these questions rapidly, to better understand the situation and he groaned.

"Well, that's clearly the fucking problem here!" He said, hands stroking his hair nervously as he gestured to the zipper.

"This damn zipper isn't working. And I can't go on stage in front of twenty thousand people like this, right? So that's why I am here." He whined.

He was standing next to the door, his exposed chest was glistening with sweat and rising and falling rapidly as he panted, stressed and nervous. 

The zipper was blocked down past his navel, under the little belt that circled his waist, his happy trail was exposed.

You started to blush.

"I need your help, I tried everything. I can't pull it up or down. I thought about using candle wax but I am afraid to stain the fabric and the more I try to open or close it, the more I am afraid to break it. I tried to untangle the fabric from the inside but I couldn't. And I can't even change because it WON'T GO DOWN." He sounded really frustrated and said this while tugging at the zipper to prove his point. 

"I am trapped, Y/N! I need your help" He whined  in defeat leaning against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut.

You couldn't help but look at his chest and feel a little tingle run down your spine. 

I have to stay professional.

You thought, your eyes following his rising and falling chest. 

You quickly recovered and tried to reassure him.

"Let's see what I can do to help you. If I can't do anything I am going to cut the zipper and I am going to stitch it again. You can wear another jumpsuit tonight." You said matter of factly, coming closer to where he was standing. 

"Oh fuck" He exclaimed and he grasped his head between his hands. 

"What?" You said, a confused expression slowly made its way on your face.

"I can't wear another one, they are all to the cleaners. This is the only one I have" he said in an apologetic tone and you panicked. 

"I am in charge of the wardrobe. Who did allow that? I am sure I didn't." You replied confused and a bit angry.

"I did" he said with a guilty smile.

You glared at him and he giggled. That stupid giggle you loved in other contexts. Now, you positively hated him.

"I should make you go on stage like this, troublemaker" you hissed through clenched teeth. 

"Please don't, help me, please" he was begging you now. You watched how he had his hands joined, bottom lip pushed out and puppy eyes.

As if it was really a problem for him. You knew that he didn't have any qualms about showing way too much of himself to the crowd, sometimes. 

You glared at him, but you began to think about what you could do to help.

You grabbed the zipper and tried to push upwards and downwards delicately. Obviously it didn't work. 

You knew what you had to do. The zipper probably wasn't working because some fabric had caught into it from the inside.

"Maybe the fabric of your boxers got caught inside the zipper, that's why it's not working" you said and he giggled again.

"That's impossible, mama" he said playfully and when he understood you didn't get it, he worded it for you. 

"It's impossible because I'm not wearing any" he said in a whisper and you blushed. 

Oh

Oh God

To make it work you had to stick your hands inside it and try to untangle it. 

And there was no way you could do that without pushing your hands really close to his private parts. 

Just when you were thinking of another solution, a voice sounded from the hallway. 

"Three minutes to the stage, you are already late!" Someone shouted and he panicked. 

"C'mon Y/N! Do something" he pleaded and you knew you had no other option. 

You grabbed the zipper again and leaned closer to him. Your fingers slowly made their way on the fabric, around it and slowly dipped inside. 

You noticed how his breathing stopped  as your fingertips slowly grazed the hot skin of his tummy, his hair there tickling you lightly. 

You tried to suppress the deep blush that was creeping onto your cheeks as your fingertips slowly traced the zipper on the inside, till you located the problem. 

You were tracing your finger on the little bump of fabric that was causing the tangle when the door flew open and Jake pranced into the room. 

He stopped dead in his tracks as he assessed the scene in front of his eyes, mistaking it completely. 

You saw the smirk growing on his lips, his eyes never leaving your hand literally down his brother's pants as you quickly pulled it away. 

"Well well well, have I interrupted something, here?" He said, in a playful mocking tone. 

It was Josh's turn to speak now. 

"Fuck off, Jacob. Y/N is helping me unstuck this damn zipper" he said harshly, panting slightly. 

"Yes, of course, whatever you say, brother. And I am going to believe this, right? I am not stupid, Joshua." Jake replied, his smirk still beaming. 

The deep blush covering your cheeks wasn't helping the singer prove his point. You knew you looked very guilty right now.

"Y/N, you have to make it quick, you have two minutes left to fix the "help my brother with the zipper" thing that 's going on here." Jake said and winked towards you, grabbing a water bottle.

You cleared your throat and crossed your arms. 

"Look, Jake, it really is stuck like that" you said, tugging uselessly at the zipper to prove your point.

"And, unless you want to be the one with a hand inside your brother's pants, you better let me do my job or he is coming on stage like this, OK? You threatened him by pointing your finger at him.

He quickly raised his hands and made a retching sound at the idea you just suggested.

"Well, I think I am going to give you some privacy." Jake said while chuckling and wiggling his eyebrows towards you. He left quickly before Josh could hit him. 

As Jake opened the door a voice shouted "One minute to the stage!"

Your eyes widened and so did Josh's. You quickly resumed your position in front of him and you slowly traced the zipper with your fingers.

You slipped them inside the jumpsuit and found the problem. 

You tried to tug lightly a few times but it didn't work. You felt how his breath hitched in his throat as the fabric slowly shifted against his bare skin and you blushed. 

Your blush intensified as you noticed how the situation was affecting him. 

Your hands were so close to his crotch that you knew he couldn't keep his mind from wondering what could happen if you pushed your hand lower. 

Actually, you could see very well the effect those thoughts were having on him, in the growing erection he was sporting. You could also feel his gaze burning on your face, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes. 

You grabbed the zipper with your other hand and tugged upwards. At the same time the hand that was tucked in his pants tugged downwards and the zipper unlatched. 

The force with which you tugged at it caused your hand to dip lower in his pants and you both gasped at the same time. 

Oh

Oh, fuck.

You were almost sure you had touched him in the process and, rapid as a lightning you pulled your hand out of the jumpsuit. 

You couldn't look him in the eyes so you turned around to get a bottle of water for yourself. 

You couldn't see his shocked and slightly aroused expression as he thought about what had just happened. 

After a few seconds you heard him move and you heard the sound of the jumpsuit zipping up. 

"Y/N, how do I look?" He asked you, admiring himself in the full length mirror and checking his hair.

You turned around to properly look at him and he looked ravishing, as always. 

You were really proud of the work you had done while tailoring this jumpsuit. It was your favourite because it looked divine on him, it suited him perfectly. This meant that you could easily see every detail of his body. And, right now, the fabric was clinging to the very prominent bulge between his legs, making it impossible for you to focus properly on anything else.

You quickly averted your gaze and told him he looked great, ushering him out of the room to join his bandmates there. 

In the hallway, the moment Jake made eye contact with you, he smirked and winked, making you blush with embarrassment and anger.

You didn't have time to tell him off because the moment Josh set foot in the hallway,  they were quickly ushered to the stage.

You went back to the green room and leaned against the wall, trying to process the last ten minutes.

Thinking about what had just happened caused your heartbeat to quicken. You tidied the room and then sat on the couch, trying to calm down a bit. 

After a while, you managed to regain your composure and decided to go check from the side of the stage if Josh had finally managed to destroy the only jumpsuit he had left and flash twenty thousand people with a visual of his bare dick.

Not that he minded, you knew that very well.

You walked along the same corridor the boys had been ushered from less than an hour ago and you reached the side of the stage where Jake was. 

He was prancing around absolutely smashing it with his Gibson, as always.

As he spotted you, he winked and a menacing smug smirk twisted his features. 

You knew he had something in mind, you had seen the very thought develop in his beautiful talented brain.

He kept eye contact with you as his hand moved a few times up and down the fretboard of his guitar, very suggestively, producing a moaning sound.

You knew he was mimicking the actions he thought he had seen his brother and you partake in inside the green room.

To put the cherry on top, you blushed wildly at his action, from embarrassment, but he mistook it for guilt and laughed at your expenses. 

Smug bastard.

You decided to avert your eyes from his whoring demeanor only to land on his twin, who was already watching you.

He was still clothed, thank God, but the white fabric of his jumpsuit didn't conceal much. You could see, and so could everybody else, that the bulge was still there, and it was even more prominent than before.

You were about to go back to the green room when you noticed an imperceptible movement from Josh. The crowd in front of them didn't catch it, but you, standing there at the side of the stage, very much could.

He was grinding the tip of his erection against the mic stand, while singing.

It was almost non-existent at first, but he became more and more impatient as the time passed and his movements couldn't be mistaken from your point of view.

The moment his eyes landed on you, he did it again, but this time he let his head dangle backwards, exposing his sweaty  throat and neck and keeping his mouth open in a display of a silent moan.

He swallowed and you had to forcefully avert your eyes from the indecent bobbing of his Adam apple.

He even brought his hands up and arched his back with a little satisfied smirk on his beautiful face.

You turned around and almost sprinted towards your green room, heartbeat going a mile a minute.

~

The concert was phantasmagorical as always.

When you heard the last pounds of Danny's drums you knew they were almost done. 

But this time you knew you wouldn't leave the venue soon, like you always did, following the boys in hotels or on the tour bus.

This time the owners of the venue had organised an afterparty for the band and the crew and everyone was invited. The boys had previously asked you if you were going to come and you didn't want to tell them no. So, even if you didn't like afterparties very much you agreed.

After a while, you heard the boys approach your door in the corridor and you went to open it to tell them how incredible they had been on stage.

When you opened the door, Sam and Danny passed by quickly and waved to you, heading to their respective green rooms.

Behind them you spotted the twins and, when they saw you waving at them too, they winked to you in sinc. 

Oh God. If alone they were trouble, together those two were an absolute menace.

You blushed and they snickered. Before you could hide into your green room, a black boot stopped the door from closing.

You knew who it was even before he entered.

Jake strutted inside, followed by Josh, still clad in the tight white jumpsuit. They were both sweaty. Jake's hair was clinging to his neck and throat and Josh curls were disheveled and damp from the exertion of performing.

"Are you coming to the afterparty, Y/N, right?" Jake said before gulping down half a water bottle in one go.

"You promised you would, so don't make up excuses or we are dragging you there by force" Josh said puffing his sweaty chest out, acting like a macho. 

"Well, macho man, you are not dragging me anywhere, and remember that, even if you wanted to, you would have to catch me first." You told him playfully, making him and Jake laugh.

"Just kidding Y/N, I wouldn't drag you anywhere. I would never force you to do something you don't want to." He said truthfully.

"Plus, I am a bit afraid of you, if I have to be honest. You are always so calm and collected, you can hide very well what goes on in that little beautiful head of yours." He said, smirking.

"Still waters run deep, brother" you heard Jake utter with a knowing tone, smug smirk plastered on his plump pouty lips.

They exchanged a look you didn't understand, their twin telepathy was working at its finest.

"C'mon boys, you have ten minutes to shower and clean up before the party" you said looking at your watch.

They thanked you and headed to their green rooms. 

You started to get ready, checking your almost non-existent make-up, your outfit and your hair.

You were about to exit when you heard a scream from the other side of the wall.

It was Josh.

You exited the room and simultaneously, his door flew open.

You could see very well that he was angry. You could also see very well that he was having the same problem with the jumpsuit as before. The zipper was stuck in the same spot as before, if possible even a little lower, exposing a whole lot of skin.

"Y/N!" He whined like a toddler. 

"Didn't I told you that you had to be extra careful with this zipper?" You questioned him, already knowing that your multiple warnings had fallen on deaf ears, as always.

"Yes, but…" he started  but was interrupted by another crew member.

"Guys, c'mon let's go. The party has started, you are the only people that are still missing" he said.

In the meanwhile, Jake had sauntered out of his room and was leaning against the wall across from you and his brother, smirking, with his hair still wet from the shower.

"Are you coming to the party like that, big brother?" Jake snickered pointing at his brother's state of undress.

"Not yet, Jakey, you go first and then we will join you as soon as Y/N fixes this damn zipper once and for all." The singer told him.

Jake's eyes landed on you, and he winked, coming closer, like a tiger stalking his prey.

You stayed frozen on the spot as he approached you. 

The smell of his body wash was clouding your senses. 

"Don't be late, it won't take much anyway, '' he said in a sultry manner, sounding cryptic as always. You pinpointed a bit of irony towards his brother state and you blushed.

"Fuck off, Jakey" Josh said grasping your wrist and leading you towards his room.

Jake left you two alone, but before leaving, he waved and winked.

Once you were inside the room, you closed the door and he groaned, fed up with the jumpsuit.

"I am not going to this party like this" he said, nothing but deadpanning.

"Josh, don't be dramatic, I am going to fix this zipper, I prosise, then you can go have fun" you tried to reassure him, but you understood there was something else bothering him.

You approached him and guided him against the wall to keep him still while you worked on the zipper. 

The moment his back touched the wall with a low thud, he exhaled a little breathy whimper that could have gone almost unnoticed if the room wasn't so silent.

This time, having a bit more time to work on it, you crouched down on your knees to be eye-level with the problem.

He closed his eyes and leant his head back on the wall, squeezing his eyes and his fists at his sides.

As soon as your fingers skimmed on the zipper, he bit his lips, with his eyes still closed.

You decided to pay no mind to him and traced your fingers on the inside of the zipper noticing the problem immediately. In doing so you brushed your fingers timidly on his flushed skin.

He couldn't take it anymore. 

He grasped your wrist and stopped you.

You gasped and searched his eyes. He drew a shuddering breath, then looked at you and regretted it immediately.

Seeing you like that, on your knees and with your big doe eyes looking up at him was worsening his state. 

You tried to pay no mind to the prominent bulge in his pants, but you were falling miserably.

"Josh" you whispered "Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, absolutely not, it's not that…" he said and trailed off.

"What is it then? I am going to help you if I can" you reassured him and he laughed.

"Well it wouldn't be really professional from me" he said, hardly looking you in the eyes.

"Give it a try. The worst that can happen is that I am going to slap your pretty face, Joshua" you said playfully and he snorted out a laugh.

"What if that's something I'm into, Y/N?" He said with a glint in his eyes, resembling his carefree everyday self.

"Well, that's good for you I suppose. C'mon, spit it out, what's bothering you?" You asked him still on your knees, with his fingers wrapped around your wrist.

He didn't say anything at first, but his face was portraying his inner struggle very well.

You were about to continue fixing his zipper when he spoke.

"It's just that…" he stopped and shook his head.

Then he tried to go on, but shut up again.

You decided not to push him, letting him organize his ideas.

Then he spoke, looking directly at you.

"It's just that it's been a while" he said and you could see a little blush spread on the apples of his cheek.

A meek smile was adorning his beautiful lips.

You wanted to punch yourself because of the enormous amount of time it took you to really understand what he meant. 

He mistook your embarrassment with confusion and decided to explain himself better.

"It's been a while since I had a beautiful girl with her hands inside my jumpsuit, let alone on her knees in front of me like you are now." He said, finally meeting your gaze.

You blushed wildly at his confession.

"And believe me, it's not that I didn't try to take the matter into my own hands, literally, but it just doesn't work anymore, I don't know why" he pointed out with a humorless laugh.

"What do you mean it doesn't work, Josh?" You asked him before you could stop yourself.

He opened and closed his mouth. For once in his life he didn't know what to say.

"In the sense that you do it and after it feels like you didn't and you feel the need to do it again or…" you voiced in a whisper trying to understand more.

He shook his head.

"I can't even finish Y/N. I feel like I am too wound up for it. I am anxious about it and anxiety worsens my state. To really enjoy it I should be relaxed, and right now I am absolutely not. I don't know what to do and I don't know who I should talk to about it. Telling my mother is absolutely out of the question.

Sam would make fun of me and Danny would be too embarrassed to speak." He said almost without breathing.

"Have you tried talking about it to your twin?" You suggested and he scoffed.

"I have tried but you won't like the answer." He said with a tired smile.

"What did he say?" You pressed him.

"He told me… never mind… forget about it. Just help me with this zipper so we can go have fun at the party." He said,  yanking uselessly at the zipper, without meeting your gaze.

You straightened up to be eye level with him pointing a finger in his face.

"You are not going anywhere until you tell me what your brother suggested" you threatened him and he smirked.

"You won't like it" he said in a defiant manner trying to discourage you.

"Well, let me at least think for myself, Joshua," you retorted.

"Ok, but don't tell me I didn't warn you. He told me to ask for your help, Y/N." He said and you blushed under his fiery gaze.

You already knew that probably Jake's advice would involve something dirty and yourself, but hearing Josh say it caused a shiver to run down your spine.

Now you understood all the little jokes, winks and sneers Jake kept sending your way for a while.

"Just drop it Y/N, it doesn't matter, let's go to the party, I don't care if people see me like this. Already twenty thousand people have, I am not afraid of thirty more" He said grabbing your wrist and starting to walk towards the door

You resisted him.

You couldn't believe you were really considering it, but he was your friend and you couldn't just ignore his suffering and go on like it was nothing. 

He had the courage to confess it to you so you wanted to help him.

He let go of your wrist and watched you closely, not understanding.

You turned towards the door and reached it.

Once you were in front of it, you heard his breath leave his lungs in a defeated huff. It was an almost imperceptible sound and you knew he didn't want you to hear it, but you did.

He thought you were going to leave.

Your hand reached for the key and, without a word, you turned it, closing the door.

You could feel his stare burning on the back of your head. 

You didn't immediately turn around. You tried to heaven out your breath and stop the trembling of your hands, first.

When you turned, he was already watching you. 

You moved and he backed away from you, until he was again with his back against the wall. 

You were in front of him now.

You couldn't believe you were about to do this.

It's not that your mind had never indulged in such thoughts. How could you not. You had eyes, you couldn't deny that he was astonishingly beautiful.

But thinking about really touching him was making you nervous. What if you couldn't help him? What if that ruined your friendship and your working relationship with him?

He was staring at you, not even blinking, but his breathing was becoming ragged. A little whimpery noise escaped his lips and you couldn't think straight anymore. 

Your hand pressed on his chest, delicately but firmly pinning him to the wall.

"Please" he whispered and you couldn't deny him.

Two of your fingers touched his chin and traced further down the hollow of his throat, his toned flushed chest painfully slow and you swore you saw him twitch in his pants. 

You continued till his navel then stopped.

He swallowed, looking directly into your eyes but didn't say anything.  

You were the one leading the game and you could decide everything.

Your fingers inched downwards and he whimpered softly into his throat.

You circled his navel and then began tracing his soft happy trail. 

His eyes never left the movement of your fingers.

As you reached the zipper you felt him quiver.

You slowly dipped them inside and his lips parted with a silent gasp.

His skin was scorching hot and so soft underneath your cold fingertips. 

You went further down and traced them on the edge of the patch of coarse pubic hair there.

You were about to dip your hand further down his pants when a thundering knock threatened to send the poor door to the ground.

"JOSHUA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE NEEDED AT THE PARTY RIGHT ABOUT NOW. SO STOP ADMIRING YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE" a booming voice you recognised as their manager's snarled from the other side.

You jumped away from him with both your hands on your mouth trying to cover any kind of sound.

"I AM ALMOST READY, GIVE ME A MINUTE" Josh shouted from the inside.

"You have thirty seconds, or I am bringing you down myself" you heard the other man threaten before running away.

Josh huffed, defeated. 

"Let's go" He said without meeting your eyes

"You don't want to change? I can unstitch the zipper…" you tried to say but he interrupted you.

"No Y/N, let's go, don't worry" he motioned you outside and you followed him.

~ 

Thankfully, the party ended pretty quickly so it wasn't too late when the crew, the boys and you retreated back to the hotel that fortunately was on the other side of the road.

As you checked in, you noticed that your key number was different from the one of the other crew members. You understood that the hotel concierge had assigned you a room on the same floor as the guys. 

As you reached your floor with the fastest lift you had ever seen, Sam, Danny and Jake went right, wishing you good night, while you and Josh, who was wearing a tshirt that he had borrowed from Danny to cover his modesty, headed left, following the numbers on the walls. 

As you entered your room, you jumped face first on the bed, exhausted. 

After a while a knock on your door startled you.

"Sorry, Y/N. It's me again" you heard Josh mumble from the other side of the door.

You opened it and ushered him inside.

He was still wearing the damaged jumpsuit.

"Right, let me grab my scissors so I can try to unstitch this without tearing up the fabric." You said, rummaging through your bag.

"Stay there" you said and approached him.

He was still nervous and fidgety, but once you came closer to him he tried to calm down.

You pushed him lightly to lean against the wall and his breathing picked up slightly. 

The situation of the zipper was the same as before and so was the situation in his pants. He was positively straining against them.

You tried to concentrate on freeing him from the constriction of the jumpsuit.

Unceremoniously, you knelt down and stuck your fingers in the jumpsuit, bringing the white fabric away from his skin and closer to your face, to be able to work without cutting him.

Inevitably this caused the fabric to drag on his flushed skin, eliciting a strangled sound from deep in his chest.

"Sorry" you mumbled and then started working.

You managed to cut some threads and then you slowly moved downwards to unstitch the bottom of the zipper.

The break of a particular tight thread you were carefully yanking caused your wrist to brush inadvertently against his bulge and he almost doubled over with a pained groan.

He needs help, he can't relax like this, you thought blushing.

"I think you can free yourself from this burden now" you said referring to the damned jumpsuit, straightening up to look him in the eyes, with the torn half of the zipper in hand.

He looked even more handsome against that dark wooden wall. His tanned skin was very exposed thanks to the missing zipper and gleaming in contrast with the stark white of the jumpsuit. 

You knew he wanted to say something, anything to convince you to help him, but he couldn't find the courage.

You could see the battle between feeling good at last and staying professional behind his soft deep brown eyes.

You decided to ease his stress and help him.

"Thank you Y/N, you are the only one who can put up with me without freaking out. Thank you for your patience with this thing" he said sheepishly, pointing at the jumpsuit.

He was about to turn around and go when you stopped him.

"Josh" you said and the hand he had on the door handle dropped.

"Hmm?" He said turning around slowly.

You were the fidgety one now, wringing your hands in front of you.

You both started talking at the same time. 

"For what I said earlier…" he started

"Earlier in the green room…" your voices overlapped and you both blushed.

"Y/N, forget about it, it was absolutely unprofessional on my part, even rude. I am really sorry if I have upset you" he said genuinely concerned looking down at the floor.

"Josh, it's ok, don't worry, I am not upset at all" you said and he smiled.

He thanked you, wished you goodnight and was about to exit when you stopped him with a hand on his bicep.

"Josh, wait…" you whispered.

He slowly turned around and smiled at you. His usual beaming smile was blinding you now, and intimidating you at the same time.

"Let me…" you tried to say but you stopped, embarrassed

You exhaled and then went on.

"Let me help you, you can't stay like that" you whispered without meeting his eyes. 

"You don't have to, I will figure something out, you have already done enough for me tonight." He said truthfully.

"Ok, bye Josh, have a goodnight" you waved at him and he exited. 

~

You got ready for bed, but you couldn't sleep. You kept tossing and turning around uselessly thinking very unholy things about the man sharing your wall right now, who, to make matters worse, happened to be your boss.

You were about to stand and make a cup of tea, to help you calm down, when you heard the water running and a muffled groan on the other side of the wall. 

Then nothing.

After a few seconds, you heard it again, this time it was a curse and a long drawn out whimper.

You couldn't mistake what he was doing, or at least, trying to do.

Those noises erased even the last bit of sleep that your brain possessed and turned you on beyond belief.

Your panties were sticking to your skin now and you almost slipped one hand into them for a quick needed solo session, but you stopped.

He sounded like he was in pain. He wasn't having fun doing that, like he should be. You couldn't let him feel like that. You wanted to help him, or at least try to.

You stood and, without a thought, a second later you were knocking softly at his door.

Nothing

You knocked again and you heard some commotion coming from the other side.

You heard the peep-hole open then close and he finally opened the door.

"Y/N? Is everything ok?" He asked. He had only a towel on, his curls damp and unruly.

"Yes…well, no. I couldn't sleep and I heard you were awake too and I wanted to know if you wanted to watch a film with me" you blatantly lied to him, but what else could you do? Or say?

"Hi Josh, I heard you were trying to masturbate in the shower and I wanted to help you?" No way, you really couldn't tell him that.

He smiled softly and let you in. 

"Of course, go sit on the bed, I am going to change and I'll join you in a minute" he said softly, going to the bathroom to change.

You sat against the headboard and waited for him, wringing your hands together and torturing your bottom lip with your teeth, until it was almost bleeding.

After a while, he came back clad into a soft worn white tshirt and grey shorts. He climbed on the bed and sat, mirroring your position.

"Do you have any idea on which film you want to see, Y/N?" He said, patting your bare thigh.

This made you shiver, but you masked it with a shrug.

"No, Josh, I trust you with the choice" you said, feeling his hand burn on your bare skin.

You two set on a movie that was already playing on some channel. He had already seen it and granted you it was good.

You watched it in silence for a while. 

You were slowly drifting off to sleep, with your head on his shoulder, but a sex scene came on the screen and, suddenly, you were wide awake again.

You felt him tense but you didn't say anything. 

You heard him shift as the scene progressed and an imperceptible whine left his lips because his movement caused the cotton of his shorts to caress his still strained cock.

He thought you were sleeping so he slowly lowered you on the pillow and stood. He started to pad towards the bathroom but you stopped him with a call of his name.

"Josh" you whispered and he stopped but didn't turn.

You stood and reached him.

He turned and leant against the wall, head in his hands, panting.

You couldn't wait anymore. 

You wanted to make him feel good.

You grabbed his wrists and lowered them to his sides. He looked at you then, with big shiny eyes. He looked so young and tired. His expression was painful and conflicted.

"Stop me if this is something you don't want." You whispered into his ear, placing a trembling hand on his chest and meeting his nervous gaze.

"Y/N, I don't want you to do this" he tried to say but, as you pressed him a bit more against the wall, he shivered and a breathy impatient whine left his lips.

"Shh Josh, just tell me what you need, nobody will know about this" you whispered.

"Please…" he whispered back.

You slowly lifted his tshirt exposing his tanned chest and then you discarded it on the floor.

His gaze was smoldering. 

"Please what, Joshua?" You whispered, encouraging.

He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again, locking gazes with you. You saw a new fervor inside them.

"Please, touch me" he huffed out.

You repeated the same actions that their manager had interrupted before into the green room.

You placed two fingers on his chin, and slowly dragged them down, on his neck, between his pecs and on his tummy. You swirled them slowly around his navel and trailed them even lower, following his happy trail and stopping against the hem of his shorts. 

He was panting now, his heavy breathing was the only sound filling the room.

You moved even closer to him to whisper into his ear. In doing so you placed a trembling hand on his chest, right on his heart. It was beating furiously underneath your palm and it only spurred you on.

"Is it ok if I take these off?" You asked, tracing your finger on the waistband of his shorts.

"Please" he whispered. 

You knelt down and started kissing the flushed skin right above the waistband. You sucked a faint mark there and he rewarded you with a breathy moan of your name.

You hooked a finger into the waistband and started to pull his shorts down, slowly.

"Fuck" he groaned as the fabric touched his sensitive skin.

As your fingers moved the cotton downwards, you felt him shiver, goosebumps rising on the soft skin of his hips.

The grey fabric pooled at his feet and a relieved moan left his lips as his erection was freed from that constriction.

Your eyes were trained on him and your mouth watered. 

He was rock hard and twitching against his tummy, the skin was flushed and the head was an angry shade of red and already leaking. 

White drops of precum were adorning his sensitive tip. He was beautiful.

The mere contact with the slightly cooler air of the room, caused his hips to buck forward, in search of friction.

"Hand or mouth, Josh?" You asked and he groaned.

"Whatever you want, Y/N, whatever" he all but sobbed, and you couldn't take it anymore. You needed to taste him.

You decided for a combination of both and you went to work.

You slowly wetted your lips and swirled the hot tip of your tongue on his head, wrapping your hand slowly around him.

He moaned, loudly, and you whimpered. His skin was scorching hot and his salty taste was heavenly.

The sudden contact with your warm tongue caused him to almost lose his balance. You spotted an armchair, close to where you were kneeling and motioned for him to take a seat.

"Josh, sit down" you said and he nodded.

When he sat down, you resumed your position between his legs and he twitched.

"Lay back and relax" you told him and he obliged without a single word.

You took the tip between your lips and slowly made out with it, swirling your tongue around the foreskin, paying extra attention to the little spot under his head that had his hands claw at the arm rests. 

"Oh my… fuck, Y/N" he whined and you stopped, letting him regain his breath.

"When was the last time you came, Josh?" You asked and he blushed.

"Fuck, almost a month ago, I think" he confessed.

In response, you placed your hands on his thighs and took him into your mouth. He doubled over with a loud curse.

With every sucking motion, he was letting out a whimper, signaling to you that he was close.

As you kept pleasuring him, his hips started bucking upwards every time you took him deeper into your mouth. 

You tried to fight your gag reflex as he hit the back of your throat a few times. Tears were starting to prickle at the corners of your eyes but you didn't care.

You locked gazes with him and he warned you through gritted teeth.

"Y/N, you better stop if you don't want me to…" he started but trailed off when he felt you swallow around him, the muscles of your throat clenching around him.

"Shit, Y/N, I am cumming." He groaned and a second later you felt his hot release trickle down your throat. 

His taste made you feel hazy and lightheaded. 

He kept moaning and whining low in his chest as your mouth stayed on him through his entire orgasm.

He let out a shuddering breath but was still hard inside your mouth.

His eyes were shiny and watery, his expression was completely fucked out as he met your gaze.

You kept your mouth on him, despite the soreness of your jaw and started sucking again, gently.

"Fuckfuckfuck" he whispered as both his hands grasped your hair.

You kept swirling your tongue around his shaft, tracing every ridge and vein and sucking relentlessly but gently, positively making him lose his mind. 

He couldn't keep quiet, choruses of pleas filled the room and, when your hand started kneading softly at his balls, he came again suddenly without warning and with a wailing satisfied scream.

You swallowed his warm release again without a second thought, savouring every last drop of him.

This time you released him slowly and he shivered at the loss of the warmth that your mouth was providing him.

Without a word, you straightened up, wiped your chin with the back of your hand and left him there, still twitching, naked and bewildered, wondering if what happened was real or a figment of his wicked imagination.

[imminentinertia]

In which I keep a promise to a bunch of people who read a fic five years ago and try to explain why I'm doing that now

In 2018, @vesperthine and I collaborated on run down till the rain delights you and when some people asked for more, we promised a sequel. That didn't happen.

Until now.

Now it's snaking its way to AO3 like an aging Toyota on cold Tromsø roads (I'm really sorry for this silliness but one of the inspo photos we used did this to me).

There's a bit of a backstory:

First of all, you have @nofeartina to blame for run down in the first place and @peacestew to blame for me sliding into the SKAM fandom in 2023 going "hiiii I haven't been in this fandom for years but here's a fic".

In 2018, Tina wanted fisherman!Isak in a knit woolen jumper* and somehow roped V into writing it, and then V somehow roped me into a collab (I'm still entirely unsure how I ended up saying yes), we brainstormed and looked for inspo and wrote some scenes** to see how it went. Fisherman!Isak turned into marine!biologist!Isak with an old fishing boat and a cabin, Even pretended to be suave, the Tromsø area piped up about wanting to be more of a character than a location and there we were:

Gif by @peacestew

It was so much fun writing with V, and we got along so well, so we wrote a short sequel quite soon after. It just needed a few final tweaks.

Then life happened.

Long story short, I haven't heard from Vesperthine since summer 2019. I hope she's happy and well, and I hope she's writing original fiction because she's seriously gifted, and I miss her because she's a very sweet and smart and lovely person. I was left with a nearly finished draft and a hope she'd turn up again. Since then I've turned down requests to translate and podfic run down, and disappointed a few people asking about the promised sequel, because it didn't feel at all right to make those decisions without V's input.

But it's been five years (!!!), I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, that draft is sitting there on my drive, and... so earlier this year I started thinking about just going ahead and posting it. I went through all our notes and figured out what remained to be done (not much, we even had the title ready), and decided to do those tweaks at some point.

Then Peace slid into my notes a while ago (it had been a few years since we were in touch, I love it when old mates show up), we chatted quite a bit and somehow mentioned run down, and I'm entirely unsure how this snowball started rolling but now we're doing an art + fic collab with that sequel. She's been terribly enabling, and dangling pretty gifs in front of me, how could I resist? She even made a gorgeous title gif for run down. V would have been just as happy with this, I'm sure.

Considering that the sequel was just about finished, and V and I never had any actual disagreements while writing (one tiny scuffle about adjectives, we compromised), I think she'd be okay having her name put on the sequel. And I am okay with making that decision, since it's been so long. I've done the final editing, Peace has added her lovely gifs and now I'm just going to work up the courage to post it.

As stupid as I feel giving directions for fic reading I recommend you read (or re-read, bless everyone who has read it) run down till the rain delights you first, I'm not sure the sequel will make much sense otherwise.

the roll of the harbour wake is coming soon to a fic archive near you. Peace and I hope you will enjoy it.

Gif by @peacestew

*the fic was almost immediately nicknamed The sweater fetish fic. Drooling over the guys in knit woolen jumpers kept happening for ages.

**the first scene we wrote didn't actually make it to run down, but we put it in harbour wake, and it goes to show that sometimes a fic takes a very different direction from where you start it.

[blysse-and-blunder]

In lieu of a week in the woods

sunday, august 27, 2023 ~ 11:30pm

just got back from 6+ days off the grid, swimming, drinking tea, porch sittin’, and generally revisiting old stomping grounds. somehow it still wasn’t long enough.

(you can add a read more on mobile now??!!)

Reading picked out some specific weird old trade paperbacks to read at the cottage, and successfully finished one: margaret atwood’s lady oracle. one of those books where I will be thinking about it forever, but not necessarily because I enjoyed it? good prose moments, good turns of phrase or moments of clear perception, but i found the main character sort of perplexing—the bits of old Toronto, vintage mid century canadian childhood and adolescence, were probably what will stick with me. That and the way that I think it was trying to get psychonanalytic but, in classic 80s feminist fiction style, it didn’t make a ton of sense. also the fatphobia? like, experimenting with the pov of someone with intense body dysmorphia / weight shaming / internalized fatphobia felt unempathetic? like i was supposed to be impressed or titillated or surprised by this choice, that the book would even consider having a main character who was fat. period typical, sure, part of the mid century setting, sure, but also like. gratuitous.

also finished italo calvino’s the baron in the trees, and a.k. larkwood’s the unspoken name, and started the audiobook for the long way to a small angry planet. Also began my harrow the ninth reread, and wow this book is good. and even more so when you can follow what’s happening.

listening only the fact that I did spend so long literally in the woods has prevented me from having in-depth thoughts and feelings about hozier’s unreal earth. more to come as I sit with it longer, but so far—strong positive feelings. some new ground, some old ground, and some things that bridge the two nicely. worth listening to with headphones or however you can pick up all the layers in the mix. I really like ‘Icarian carrion’ on this listen.

watching watched a couple of episodes of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds this evening, since being back— ‘lost in translation,’ and the lower decks cross-over. loved seeing boimler and mariner in the flesh, and the different gags they fit into that one, despite the fact that one of the things I’ve liked most about this season has been the show gradually giving time to some of the more philosophical questions trek can explore—but lower decks does that too, sometimes better, and these two episodes back to back fit pretty well.

playing it was a very boardgame forward week at the cottage— clue, PARKS, and a new one for me, shadows over Camelot. not an uncomplicated setup, but some of the tie-ins to actual arthurian themes (the grail quest keeps pulling players in but it will grind them up and spit them out! the next generation are the ones who survive!) caught and held my enjoyment when the different mechanics threatened to lose it. I also tuned in to d&d remotely for a bit, though my connection was bad, and my rig was rated ‘haunted’ by the other players. they could hear crickets over the voice chat 😌🌲

making sewed a new patch onto my jacket and moved another two—picture to follow. didn’t do any of the mending I brought, but have had thoughts about what makes sense and what I might buy to supplement the projects. new fabric store on my commute deserves a visit, methinks.

working on truly the answer here is ‘not overthinking or delaying out of perfectionism’. which I have already done. finished all but the last eng 385 essay feedback, finished proofing for joe and responding to the department’s newsletter person for the piece she’s writing; still have to finish this letter of recommendation and these two (2!?) chapter drafts. the point is to be able to write a final sentence and just. let them go. learn how to not stop shy of finishing something. learn how to bring something (anything) to a state of some kind of completion. sure, right. sure.

if you need me, I’ll be back in the woods.

[marcuspierce]

Would you consider Piercifer a rarepair? Do you think there is still an audience for Piercifer fics? I'm getting back into Lucifer after two years and thinking about dusting off some of my WIPs. As the Piercifer expert I thought you might have some thoughts. <3

i will first start with the ending of your message and say thank youuuuu for falling for my branding and i hope that my answer will be satisfactory <3 i am also flattered that you decided to ask me... anything about them as i consider it recompense for the amount of time i spend think about them (24/7) <33333

now let's get to business: it's not that i consider piercifer a rarepair, the fact is that by all logical metrics it *is* a rarepair. and yes, this means that most people do not ship them, or at least not in an enough capacity to actually participate in this subset of the fandom, but that also means that the few people who do ship them love them very very much (hi! it's me! i'm the problem, it's me!).

now here comes the more complicated part, namely whether or not there is an audience for fics (or really any type of content) about them and i have some factors that i need to bring up (which are simply things i have watched happened over the past almost 6 years now) and which are a bit more spread out and refer to both their status as a rarepair and their audience (both some years back and now):

all of their interactions happened in season 3, which aired between autumn 2017 and spring 2018 aka yearsssss ago => no new canon content in years, which means that some people (even people who watched s3 years after it aired) would naturally lose interest because few people can sustain interest in a pair that just has nothing new to talk about and analyse and such

they did not... end things nicely (to put it lightly) in canon and that may also contribute to how people perceive them and their relationship (this one's more of a guess rather than an observation, but it might be worth mentioning)

the show is... finished and it has been finished for 2 years now! even pairings with generous followings saw a decrease in posts in these past two years as all the final season content got done + anything that was just sitting in people's drafts got finished and with no new content it was very easy for people to focus their energy on series that are still on-going. but posts are still made and fics are still written! (on more general things related to this fandom my one and only source is following source blogs here. i am extremely picky about my content for this fandom specifically so i only check the marcus and piercifer tags here and the piercifer tag on ao3. but i do think that source blogs are a decent way to gauge how fandoms are doing.)

they're not actually canon in any way, shape or form. everything is more implied than anything and the things that are outright said throughout the entire show actually discourage people from shipping anything other than the intended canon/endgame pairing and it has worked pretty wonderfully

the most relevant point here is no1, because there's just no new content and yes, i have noticed the number of all types of fan content dwindling. there are some bouts here and there and for the most part i try to stay consistent (even if it's through silly shit posts) but the audience, especially now, in 2023, isn't all that big.

BUT pls don't let that discourage you, anon! the fics that do get posted nowadays still get some hits and some kudos and even the occasional comment. the audience used to be bigger, sure, but that doesn't mean that your fics aren't still worth writing! and i will read them! so there, you got at least one person in your corner!

in conclusion, please don't let anything discourage you from writing and posting fic and also don't let initial low engagement discourage you. sometimes things just need to... marinate. i haven't been posting much fic lately (for piercifer specifically) but i still get the odd comment on my older fics, so really it can just be a bit of a waiting game given that it's fic for a rarepair that had no interactions in canon for over five years now.

also! if you ever want to talk about them both my askbox and dms are open! as you may have noticed, i am not always the best at answering quickly, but if that's alright with you then i will make sure to make it a social priority to answer preferably sooner rather than later! and, if you do end up dusting off your old wips and finishing them, then please do let me know, in whatever way you feel most comfortable, if they ever see the light of day as i would love to read them <3

edit: i am now also writing a piercifer fic (one that is... more than i intended it to be) and i also got some drafts i have considered posting (most likely here) of things that have been sitting for so long they might as well get read so again, look! there's someone in your corner, anon!

[word-scribbless]

Different

I know I have requests to write but this one has been sitting in my drafts and I wanted to finally post it!

Masterlist

Summary: When Hollis man tries to throw a wrench in things Gibbs reminisces about what makes Y/N so different.

TW: mentions of miscarriage, family death and domestic violence

Italics are flashbacks

————————-

Hollis Mann had come to help NCIS on a case of a missing Army luitenent and a missing marine gunnery Sargent. Y/N was also at NCIS from the FBI, helping profile suspects. This made for an interesting situation for Gibbs. Hollis his ex and Y/N his current girlfriend. It wasn’t uncommon for Y/N to work cases with Gibbs’ team, but she had yet to work one that envolved an ex. A streak he wasn’t too thrilled to have end.

Things were pretty civil, y/n knew he dated someone from Army CID, but didn’t remember her name right away. when Y/N arrived the team was in the squad room, working at their desks, she came and sat in Gibbs chair, asking what they had. When noone warned her of the impending doom of that decision , Hollis knew this woman and Gibbs were dating. She couldn’t help but be jealous. This jealousy only multiplied when she saw y/n kiss Gibbs cheek later that day when she thought no one was looking.

With the way Mann was acting, and a few comments from Tony, Y/N quickly put two and two together and realized that Hollis was THAT lieutenant colonel. Y/N was nothing but nice, not petty and jealous the way Hollis felt. Gibbs wasn’t nervous for their relationship, things were good with him and Y/N. He just wasn’t sure how Hollis would act. He knew y/N could handle herself though, so there wasn’t much to worry about.

Overall, things went pretty smoothly, that is until Hollis ‘let something slip’ about Shannon and Kelly, and clearly made a big deal out of ‘apologizing’ and assuming y/n didn’t know.

Gibbs was pissed because he could tell her intentions were to hurt Y/N. She was hurt when she found out during a cause, so she must have thought she could do the same to his current girlfriend. Gibbs wanted to tell her off, not because she messed up his relationship, or hurt Y/N, but because it was her intention to.

Y/N caught up with Jethto when he stormed out of the room after DiNozzo quickly changed the subject back to the case.

“Relax baby.” She said as she caught him by the steps, using the nickname she knew he secretly loved.

“She did that to hurt you.” He seethed, and Y/N slyly took his hand on the side where the team couldn’t see.

“But I’m not hurt.” She assured him. “You’re a catch J, I’m sure it’s not easy to get over you.”

“You think so?” He smirked at her, and she felt the tension leave his body.

“Mhm, but I really don’t plan on finding out anytime soon.” She smiled and settled for running her thumb over his fingers since she couldn’t kiss him and he squeezed her hand in understanding.

“Good to know.” He smirked. ”now get back to profiling and I’ll check in with Abby.

“Yes sir” she smiled and looked around before kissed his cheek quickly and heading back to the bull pen.

On the way down to abby’s lab he begins to think about the beginning of their relationship and how he and Y/N came to be.

Y/N and Gibbs had Worked together a few times, they had made a habit of going to get dinner after cases wrapped.

It felt like they were on the same page feelings wise but she was never sure. One night she got up her courage to bring it up.

“Gibbs,”

“Hmm”

“Are we on a date?”

He Smirked at her and took her hand

“Was kinda hoping you’d catch on.”

“Could of just asked” she smiled back. He rolled his eyes playfully and asked

“Y/N will you go on a date with me?”

“Sure how’s right now?” She giggled.

Before he could get to the lab Hollis caught him and pulled him into a near by conference room.

“I didn’t mean to mess things up by telling Y/N about Shannon and Kelly.” He could tell she was trying really hard to mean it, but wouldn’t truly be wracked with guilt if she had messed things up.

“She already knew Holl.” He admitted, trying to remember what y/n said about not being angry with her.

“You told her?” She questions surprised.

He sighed and nodded. This was not a conversation he wanted to have today.

“What’s so different about her?” She asked,

“Hollis.” He responded.

He could never answer that question simply. Truthfully, everything was different about her. She was just Y/N, his Y/N.

“I’m sorry, I guess I just never thought someone would crack you.” She smiled.

“Yeah well.” He smiled back, thinking of Y/N.

She would say she didn’t crack him, she just speaks Gibbs, or something silly like that. She never wanted him to feel like she was changing him.

“You love her” she said shocked.

“Hollis” he warned again.

“Have you told her?”

“She knows” he grunted.

“Yeah but have you told her.”

“Hollis”

“Tell her Gibbs” she said and he was thinking of a comeback when there was a knock on the door. Y/N poked her head in the room.

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but the director needs you in MTAC Gibbs” He didn’t know how she knew where they were, but god was he glad she did.

In the elevator Gibbs thought about why it’s so easy to trust and love Y/N. He thought back to the first time he told her about Shannon and kelly.

A few dates in she sensed he was struggling with something. It had been the anniversary of Shannon and Kelly’s deaths.

“J, I know you hate talking about things but,” she said carefully after dinner at his house.

“If you want to be my girlfriend then you are.” He grunted back taking her hand, assuming that’s where she was going.

“Oh!” She was shocked and had no idea what to say.

“You don’t want to be?”

“No, I do! I absolutely do” she corrected. “but that isn’t what I was going to bring up.”

“Oh then go on.” He chuckled.

“No we can talk about it another time, so I’m your girlfriend?” She smiled.

“Yup”

“Cool!”

“Cool?” He teased.

“Yeah cool!”

Gibbs chuckled and put an arm around her. “so what did you want to know?.”

“Another time-“ she started but was cut off by Gibbs.

“If it’s on your mind I wanna know”

“I-“

“Y/N” He insisted

“I’m a profiler”

“I know this” he said sarcastically.

“Right so I pick up on things and I pick up on things easiest when I have experienced the same type of thing.” She said and sighed at his raised eyebrow.

“English?”

She huffed a nervous laugh and continued.

“Okay I’ll just say it. I can tell you’ve suffered a big loss, probably family, a wife or a child. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it because you’ve been forthcoming about your ex wives and not ever about a loss so it’s clearly something personal.” She stopped and squeezed his hand. “And I hate talking about my loss, I also hate talking about my ex husband so you’re better at this communication thing than me.”

Gibbs scoffed “no one has ever told me that before.”

She smiled. “I just want you to know that however you process, however you grieve, I don’t want to change that. I just want you to know that I’m happy to be a part of it, lean on me like I want to lean on you. I won’t pry, or expect you to be over it, but if you loved them then they’re important to me.” She sighed again. “It just, felt wrong kind of knowing with out telling you. I know I don’t really know, just profiled but still.”

“My wife and daughter, they were killed. My wife saw a member of a drug cartel murder a man and was going to testify. Her protective detail was shot in the head while driving them and the crash killed them.” She breathed out and Gibbs winced waiting for the inevitable‘I’m sorry’ that he never knew what to do with but it never came. She just held his hand and nodded.

“I never tell anyone. They died, I shouldn’t dwell on it. But all my marriages failed because I wanted it back and I couldn’t let them go.”

She shook her head and nuzzled closer to him

“As much as we want to ignore it and hope the pain goes away, we still love them. That doesn’t mean we can’t love someone new, but that old love doesn’t just go away. I’d like to know more about them if you ever feel like sharing them with someone, but you don’t have to.”

He nodded and squeezed her hand then looked at her expectatntly. She noticed the tears in the corner of his eyes and was sure hers looked similar.

“My turn?”

Gibbs nodded.

“Ryan, my first husband. Killed on deployment a year into our marriage. I miscarried from the stress a few months later.” Gibbs pulled her closer into him wrapping his arms around her.

“He’d like you, you’re strong and protective, and you challenge me. He always said I needed someone challenging around to keep me honest.” She chuckled. “I- I didn’t want to date for the longest time after he died.. All my friends said I needed to move on, get out there again after a few years but I wasn’t ready so I picked people that would never work, people that were the exact opposite of him, of what I deserved. Then I married one of them. He ended up in jail, I ended up in the hospital.” Gibbs soft face turned to anger.

“Relax, he was killed in a prison fight 5 years ago.”

“Good” he said and she felt his body relax a bit.

“I stopped dating after that, until I met you.”

Gibbs smiled.

“The truth is, if you want to be in my life, Ryan’s part of it. Just like Shannon and Kelly are part of yours, and mine if you let me stick around. Which I’d like to”

He nodded And she readied herself for goodbye.

“Have any pictures?”

“Of Ryan?”

He nodded and she smiled.

“Yeah in my wallet, that mean you want me to stick around?

He nodded and she went to get her bag. She pulled out a picture and began to tell him about their first date, their lives, and why she thought Ryan would be happy that she was spending time with jethro.

Gibbs smiled and told her he’d be right back.

He returned with a box and pulled out an old scrap book that’s only ever seen the light of day when he’s particularly missing his family. He never thought he’d show someone else. But he also never thought he’d meet someone like Y/N.

“What’s this? She asked as he handed it to her.

“This is my turn.”

“Jethro.” She said as she opened it and realized it was pictures of Shannon and Kelly. She closed it again”we don’t have to.”

“I want to. They’d love you.”

She smiled and patted the spot next to her.

Back in the conference room, Y/N lingered with Hollis, knowing she needed to face her head on.

“He didn’t tell you about rule 6?” Hollis asked, still a bit of chill to her voice. Looking like she wasn’t quite ready to give up the hurt feeling just yet.

“He did, but I have rules of my own.” Y/N smiled trying to ease the tension.

“Is one of them not listening to his rules?”

She chuckled.

“Exactly.” She laughed “No I agree with some of them, but not the ones that go against the rules of being a civil human. It’s charming on him somehow... but it’s not a good look for me.”

She joked and eased a bit when Hollis smiled.

“Does that mean you’ll accept my apology?”

“I would, but there is no need for it.”

“There is, the way I acted was petty and uncalled for.” Hollis sighed, causing Y/N to nod.

“Maybe, but I understand.”

“Ugh why do you have to be likable?”

Y/N laughed with Hollis and relaxed a little. “Sorry, do you want me to say something mean? Or at least like scowl a little?”

“It would make me feel a little less guilty.” She smiled, but y/n could see the honesty in her eyes.

“Don’t feel guilty. I’m not running, I’m not upset. He’s a tough nut to crack. I get it. I didn’t know that he and you had history until your reaction, if I’d known I would have been more discreet, I never meant to rub your face in anything.” Y/N assured her

“You didn’t know?”

“Well I’d heard your name, you know tony.” The both huffed laughs “but jethro is, well you know.”

“That doesn’t upset you?” Hollis wondered

“Not really, I mean I’m a profiler so I have a leg up but he’ll tell me things when he’s ready.”

“You’re much more patient than me.”

“Not always, I just, I know what it’s like to lose someone and not know how to let them go.”

“Ah that’s how you’re different.”

“I’d like to think there’s other things he sees in me, but yes that’s a big difference.” She nodded.

“Hey, Y/N/N need your help. Hollis, DiNozzo has a statement to go over with you.”

They both nodded and followed Gibbs into the hall.

Gibbs pointed Hollis to the conference room where tony was.

“Hey come here” he led y/n to the elevator and paused it.

“Jethro what’s wrong?”

He grabbed her face and kissed her.

“There is way more I see in you.” He whispered against her lips.

“You heard me?”

“I did”

“Spy” she joked with a smile as she pulled him back in.

“You were too nice to her.” He grunted.

“I couldn’t be mean. I’d be bitter if I lost a man like you.”

“Mmm cause I’m such a good kisser?”

“Mhm among other things.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that too.”

“You’re a lot more than just good in bed Jethro.” Y/N said softly. “Not that you’re not excellent at that too.”

Gibbs laughed and kissed her head then looked seriously at Y/N.

“You know I care about you right?” Gibbs asked almost shyly. Y/N froze at his tone, she’d never heard him sound so insecure.

“Of course I do.” She cupped his face.

“Y/N love is a hard word for me-“

“Jethro, you don’t need to say it, I know how you feel. You show me every single day.” Y/N moved his face to look in her eyes.

“You deserve to hear it Y/N.” He huffed.

“What I deserve is to be loved and love. I think I have that Jethro.”

“You do.” He whispered and pulled her lips to his. “You do.”

“Good, now that that’s settled. Let’s go close this case huh?” He smiled at her words.

“Y/N” he said pulling her back from the switch. “I love you.” He said with confidence but she could tell it took everything he had to say it out loud.

She smiled as turned around, wrapping him in a hug. She hid her face against him. “I know you do baby. I love you too, So much!.”

He pulled her face up and looked into her eyes. all she could see was love as he leaned in to kiss her. She forgot where they were as he wrapped his arms around her and dipped his tongue in her mouth. He slowly pulled away and kissed her head.

“Okay, you ready now?”

“To go home? Yes.” She whispered, voice shakey from the kiss.

He smirked his classic Gibbs smirk and shook his head “to solve the case.”

“Oh that, yeah okay.” She said with a smile that he couldn’t help but love.

He knew she was it for him right then and there. He’d known for a while but never truly admitted it to himself. Yes he sucked at marriage and she didn’t have a great experience either. No matter what though, he knew she was it for him. He had only truly loved Shannon and Kelly before he met her, but he knew that both of them would have loved Y/N as much as he did and been proud of him for falling in love again.

@mac99martin @kittenlittle24 @viper-official @ilovemark1951 @theofficialzivadavid @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring101 @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

[omgrachwrites]

Cinnamon Pancakes - Frank Castle

Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader

Summary: When you meet up with Frank to go out for pancakes outside of the city, you make a shocking and a heartbreaking discovery.

Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of murder, ooc Frank, I just love soft!Frank, swearing

Words: 1386

A/N: This is the next part of my mini series but you can of course read this on its own! Hope you guys enjoy this and please let me know what you think, I love you all! xxx

You squinted against the light of your laptop and sighed as you poured yourself another glass of red wine as you drafted more emails. It was Friday night in New York City, the city of the lights and you should have been spending the night in a bar with your friends, but instead you were at home working. Again. To be fair, the week ahead was going to be super busy and if you didn’t draft these emails tonight then your entire weekend would be wasted.

All of a sudden, your cell phone cut through the silence, making you jolt in surprise and you answered the call without looking at the ID, “yeah?” you mumbled as you tried to rub the tension out of your temples.

There was silence on the other end before a deep rumble filled your ears, “Y/N? It’s Frank.”

A blush rose to your face and a grin spread across your face, “Frank, hey! Glad you called,” you tried to remain as casual as possible but that proved to be difficult when your heart was racing. Over the past couple of weeks you and Frank had been exchanging texts that grew stale very quickly; you had hoped that it had been just because he was busy.

Frank let out a low chuckle that started a fire in your belly, you shouldn’t have these types of feelings for a guy you barely knew, “yeah, me too,” he paused, “so um, I’m sorry that I haven’t been in touch, been err, been real busy,” a huge shot of relief shot through your body.

“No worries,” you laughed, “did you just call to apologise?” you asked, your voice a little teasing.

Frank scoffed playfully, “well no, smartass. I was calling because I was wonderin’ if you’d get breakfast with me or somethin’. Tomorrow? I sure do love pancakes.”

You smiled as you took a sip of wine, “I can’t come in between a man and his pancakes, sure I’d like that.”

“Great,” Frank replied and you could almost hear the smile in his voice, “but um, I need to send you the address, the best goddamn pancakes in the world are made outside of the city,” his tone sounded almost hesitant but you couldn’t figure out why.

“Sure,” you grinned, “I’ll see you bright and early, 10am. Don’t be late, marine.”

He laughed, “shit, so you do realise that you’re speaking to a former Marine. I won’t be late, sweetheart, see you tomorrow.”

Your blood fizzled with excitement at his new pet name for you, “bye, Frank.”

After you hung up, you spent the next couple of hours working like a machine before falling into bed with a smile on your face. The following morning, nerves curdled in your stomach as you typed the address into your phone and you weren’t surprised to see that it was pretty far away. You didn’t mind though, you got to see Frank and you liked driving.

When you finally pulled up outside the diner with five minutes to spare, you were surprised to see the diner was quaint and cute. Pushing open the door, you saw that Frank was already sitting in one of the booths, looking out of the window. He was dressed in a dark jacket and jeans, he looked so good.

You smiled as you made your way over to him, “hi Frank.”

Frank grinned and looked away from the window, standing up, pulling you into a hug before he lightly brushed his lips against yours. Your brain went haywire at the first taste of his lips; it was your first kiss with him. He pulled back and brushed his knuckles against your cheek lightly, “mornin’ Y/N.”

You smiled as you slid past him and sat down, getting started with coffee and pancakes with bacon. The handsome man opposite you watched in amusement as you sprinkled cinnamon all over your pancakes, “you want some pancakes with that cinnamon, Y/N?” he chuckled, making you scoff and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Cinnamon pancakes are elite, don’t knock it until you try it,” you cut up some pancake and shoved it into your mouth, letting out an over the top moan before you giggled.

Frank smirked at you as he pushed his plate towards you and gestured at it, you narrowed your eyes at him as you dumped cinnamon onto his pancakes. Frank chuckled as he looked at you, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth, “you alright after last night?” he mumbled, “when I called, you sounded pretty fuckin’ stressed.”

You sighed as you pushed his plate back over to him and looked at him. For some reason, you felt as though you could trust Frank and that wasn’t just because you fancied him, “I was working, my dad has his own marketing company, and I never had any interest so I went to med school. My brother worked for the company but when he died, I was pretty much forced to drop out of med school to join the company. And, I fucking hate it,” you moodily stabbed at your breakfast.

Gentle fingers touched your chin and you looked up at Frank who was giving you a sympathetic look, his deep dark eyes incredibly soft, “I’m sorry about your brother,” he whispered, “you still want to be a doctor?”

You nodded, feeling a pang of longing in your heart, “more than anything but I can’t.”

“Maybe one day, you’d make a great doctor Y/N, lookin’ at the way you stitched me up,” Frank dug into his pancakes and you laughed, cheered by his optimism.

“Yeah, maybe.”

The both of you made relaxed conversation for a little while but it mostly involved Frank talking and you gazing at his handsome face. He grunted in approval as he ate his cinnamon pancakes, making you laugh.

Frank cleared his throat as he sipped his coffee, looking down at his plate, “been a while since I’ve done this, had breakfast like this.”

“Really?” you glanced up at him in surprise, “how come?”

Frank shrugged, “it’s just been a while.”

You bit your lip and you couldn’t miss the way your heart panged, you had opened up to him and you thought that in turn he would open up to you, making you sigh. Frank gave you an apologetic look.

Your phone vibrated on the table and you glanced at the ID, seeing that it was Foggy, one of Matt’s friends, “sorry, I have to take this.”

“Sure,” he smiled at you and you walked to the far end of the diner.

“Hey Foggy, what’s up?”

“Y/N, hey. Sorry, I should have called but are you out at the minute? I’ve brought the case files round, Matt’s really putting this case on the back burner, I appreciate that you want to help. I hate Frank Castle,” he laughed and you frowned, you could have sworn that you’d heard that name somewhere before.

“Yeah, I’m not in New York at the minute, could you email them to me and I’ll take a look. Who’s Frank Castle?”

“Course I can, thanks Y/N and uh, Frank Castle,” he grumbled, “he’s some sort of psycho killer, you should be careful, Y/N.”

“I will,” you promised, “I’d better go, just email me those files or something.”

“Sure, see you later, Y/N,” you could hear the smile in Foggy’s face as he hung up the phone.

A couple of moments later, Foggy emailed you the files on Frank Castle, also known as The Punisher. You read up on all of his crimes, feeling fear fill your chest, he sounded awful, as you scrolled to the bottom of the email you gasped, almost dropping your phone. There was a picture of Frank Castle and he looked exactly like your Frank. Frank was a killer? If he was then that was the reason why he never gave you his surname. God, you were such an idiot.

You glanced back over at Frank, feeling more scared than ever, you were having breakfast with a killer. Would he kill you? It was hard to believe that he was such a dangerous man, when his lips were shiny with maple syrup. But you trusted Foggy, and you trusted your own eyes. What the hell was the matter with you?

------------------------

@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​

[autumnslance]

Staring at my WIPs and various draft folders (I keep things really organized...) I realized it’s been awhile since I had any new input, to try to keep up my output. Like anything else, the muse needs some care if it’s going to keep flourishing. So here’s a checklist.

First, stop fighting the drafts. Let them have a bit of a rest. Save/backup and close. It’s OK they’ll still be there.

Now. When did you last eat, even just a snack? Are you keeping hydrated? How’s your sleep schedule? We all have different biorhythms, but it may not always be feasible living by our natural one with school, work, home life, etc. Do your best to adjust your schedule to match whether you’re evening or morning and try to get close to enough sleep each night if you can. Tryto get out for a walk now and then, even if it’s just around the yard, or to mailbox, or to the corner and back (wear your mask).

Now that’s out the way, when’s the last time you consumed other media besides your current fandom you create for? Played any other games, or are your Steam and console libraries gathering dust?

When was the last time you watched/listened to a Broadway play or their soundtracks? New albums by favorite musicians—especially any with their own stories, in each song or through the entire EP. For that matter, when was the last time you read or listened to poetry?

Got some books you’ve been sitting on reading? Maybe some graphic novels or comics have come out lately on comixology. Even a book on how to write can be encouraging and inspiring, as they talk about the way words work. Maybe there are some old favorite stories you can revist; remember how they sparked joy before? Do they still? Maybe rereading them at a new point in life, after one’s own creative experience has grown, shows you something new. Maybe books you thought you were indifferent to, or even hated, hit differently now with time and changes. And there’s always something new to borrow or buy.

What’s the last movie you watched? An old fave, or something sitting in the “to watch” queue? A series you’ve been meaning to watch? Don’t binge it; the current definition of consuming an entire season or series in a short time leaves no room to process, to consider, to think about the plot and characters. Depending on episode length, stick to 1-3 at most in the same day. Let it marinate in your mind, then continue the next day.

Do some research; when’s the last time you lost a few hours in a wikipedia dive? Check up some educational or how to Youtube channels. Go find some nonfiction about history, fashion, electronics, whatever floats your boat. Maybe try a hands-on craft or two while at it.

Limit consumption of fanworks. Don’t stop entirely! Keep commenting and encouraging friends! But don’t go binging through your faves tags, especially if you’re feeling down about your own lack of content; seeing others producing while you’re feeling stagnant is an easy way to feeling resentment, jealousy, inadequacy, and other negative things. The point is to step back from fandom a bit, with the rehashing of too-familiar material (and all the discourse around it) to see and learn and do something new and different.

When you get plants, you have to make sure they get the right amount of sun, the right temperatures, the right amount of plant food and water. Or they just wilt and wither. Same with our creativity and ability to produce new content; we have to take care of ourselves and feed our muses new information and content to inspire ideas and concepts.

This is an especially hard year with quarantine and the postponement or suspension of a lot of media we may have been looking forward to. But there’s still some made despite the changes—or because of them!—and we can but try to take care of ourselves. Be kind to ourselves, especially if no one else is. Take some time out for ourselves, and not feel like we must constantly produce only. No one can do that consistently forever.

These are things I think about when I realize I have various WIPs in limbo and some sitting untouched for too long, despite being open. When prompts don’t spark new scenarios or ideas and seem like an effort, a chore, rather than a fun thing to participate in. It’s time to take care of myself and not worry so much about how the words won’t come; the well is currently dry, but that just means I need to spend some time in the rain, maybe dig a new channel to divert the flow.

Not going anywhere; simply taking a breath and taking the time I’d normally use to (try to) write to do something else, until the writing comes as naturally as breathing again, because something’s sparked an idea and the well’s flowing again.

[url-is-under-construction]

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 ~ 𝐃.𝐇 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

I’m so sorry about how long this took me to get out! I’ve really been struggling to find time to write lately, so I do apologise for how short it is and if it doesn’t meet standards <3

This is also set on Earth, as an Australian obviously can’t be in the US marines, and this was the easiest way I could work around it.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Just hella fluffy, maybe some mild cursing, stereotypical Australian-ness.

𝐒𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬: There were some unspoken laws about being Australian, including that you take every chance you get to convince foreigners that all Australian’s are just as, if not more, stereotypical as expected. Which is exactly what you do when you stumble across an American Marine early one morning.

𝐀/𝐍: I’ll be honest, I hate the way this turned out, BUT it’s been sitting in my drafts for way too long and I needed to post it because A) It was requested (sorry about the wait love xx) and B) I need to do something to make me feel productive.

The reason it took so long to get up is because honestly my mental health has been so awful lately, and I was literally unable to bring myself to get out of bed for a week, and so I’m very sorry to everyone waiting with requests, I’m starting to get a bit better, and I’m trying to write more and more often <3

An orange hue was cast across the sky as you ran, your legs pumping beneath you to carry your body through the park. This early in the morning you rarely ran into people, and especially not in this neighbourhood.

Your breaths came out in short puffs, visible in the air in front of you and you let out a small laugh of victory as you looked down at your watch, noticing that you had beat your record.

You slowed down until you were merely speedwalking, slightly hunched forward as you caught your breath, nearing a bench that you planned to sit at to watch the sun rise.

“You ok there?” A deep voice came from behind you as you slowly lowered yourself onto the bench, your legs screaming at you in agony as you turned to face the stranger, sure you looked like a mess right now.

Sweating, with stray bits of hair that had escaped your ponytail plastered to your face, red cheeks and nose, and panting like a dog.

“Fine.” You said, weary of the stranger, but feeling some curiosity twinge inside you at his accent.

“You from around here?” You asked, putting your bogan voice on.

“My second week here, how’d you tell?” He joked, sitting beside you.

“It was either the accent or the ‘Marines’ shirt.” You shrugged. “Aussies don’t have a Marine Corp, per say.”

“Yeah, well the accent is usually what gives it away.” He smiled. He seemed nice enough, and handsome too.

“So what are you doing down here, Captain America?”

He chuckled.

“Classified.”

“I call bullshit.”

“No really, it’s classified. I’m a corporal.”

Your eyes widened.

“Well then, Corporal America, what do you think of our great land down under?”

“Well nothing’s tried to kill me yet, so that’s always a plus.”

You nodded. “Always. But like, nothing? Not even a teensy weensy spider?”

He shrugged.

“Not that I know of.”

“Well that’s the point.” You rolled your eyes. “They’re so tiny, half the time you don’t even realise they’ve gotten you until you’re half dead.”

“I call bullshit.” He mimicked you from earlier.

“No really.” You said. “Happened to my dad.”

“Holy shit.” He said. “Shit, what happened to your dad? Is he ok?”

“Oh he lived.” You brushed it off. “Had about ten more years left in him, til he was attacked by a cassowary up north. Sliced him open from head to toe.”

You had to hold back a snicker at the man’s face.

“Not so big and tough are we now, Corporal?” You laughed. “I was kidding Darl, the spider thing was true though.”

He rolled his eyes. “You aren’t funny you know.”

“I’m bloody hilarious.” You said. “You’re just too easy. I have friends who could tear you apart from head to toe with their aussie stereotypes, and you would be none the wiser.”

He stared at you blankly, clearly unamused, but he cracked a smile at you when you burst out laughing at his expression.

“So will I see you here tomorrow morning, Corporal?” You asked, standing up from the bench.

“See you tomorrow.” He smiled.

[niall-is-my-dream]

Something Beautiful - Epilogue

So, this was something that I started writing ages ago and has been on hiatus. I've had this epilogue sitting in my drafts for a year! I was going to write a chapter to go before this but it hasn't happened so I've decided to post this and end the fic.

I hope you like it! Catch up on the link below.

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/615170836129808384/something-beautiful-masterlist

Thanks

Em x

8 years later

Standing at the kitchen island you chopped away at the ingredients you needed for dinner later. You were having a bbq so you prepped all the salad and got the meat marinating in the fridge. It was early afternoon and the sun was blazing in through the patio doors that were open and welcoming in the warmth of the summer.

From here you could see Monty hiding from the sun under the patio table and chairs where it was shady and cool. He was getting on a bit now, just turned ten years old, still lively like he was as a pup but lazy like an old man to.

From this position you could also see your greatest achievement, your six year old twins Jack and Izzy. You may have carried them for 34 weeks before they were born early, but they were the spitting image of their father. Izzy in particular had eyes that were identical to Niall's, her book obsession however she got from you.

Both were obviously musical like their father, but Jack had excelled in football and you'd spent the morning watching him run around the local football pitch.

Wiping your hands on a cloth you made your way out to the garden, Jack was at the end of the garden practicing some kick ups and Izzy was busy bouncing around on the trampoline.

"Hey you two, shall we take Monty out in a bit when the weather has cooled down?"

"Yeah, when is Dad back with Grandad and Aoife?" Jack called back to you.

 "Not sure, game won't finish for maybe another hour and it depends on if they can get through the crowds quickly, and if your Dad chooses to stop and talk to everyone he knows!" You replied smiling.

Niall had gone to watch Derby play at Chelsea today with his Dad Bobby and his partner Aoife. Checking your watch you saw that the game would probably just be starting the second half so you had plenty of time to walk Monty and be back to start cooking.

Just over an hour later and you were all walking towards Wandsworth Common. When you and Niall had first starting discussing buying your first house together there had been no doubt that you wanted to stay close to where both your flats were. With easy access to the tube and shops you had also decided you didn't want to be far from the Common.

It was there on a cold February day that you had tripped over Monty's lead and Niall had spoken to you for the first time. Sadly the pub you first laid eyes on each other in was closed now and was going to be turned into a hairdressers of all things.

But the Common held a special place in both your hearts.

It was where you would go in the early stages of your relationship, where you would spend ages walking around together with Monty getting to know everything you could about one another.

It was where you'd come with Monty that beautiful spring day when you'd found out you were pregnant while Niall was away touring his third album. You'd gone there to gather your thoughts about how to break the news to him that after almost a year of trying you had finally got a positive pregnancy test. It was also the place you'd both gone together to digest the information that it was twins.

And just last year it was the place that you had both taught Jack and Izzy to ride their bikes without stabilizers, while Monty chased the stupid ducks by the pond.

It was your special place and somewhere you came everyday when you were in the UK. When the twins were younger and before they started school you would spend a good amount of time in the U.S. at the L.A. home, but now Niall only went over there when he needed to and would only spend leisure time there if you were all with him.

He hates being apart from you all and it had devastated him at first when he toured last year and the twins had been at school for a lot of it. But Niall had gained what he had always hoped for, a long successful career with dedicated fans who had embraced you, Monty and the children.

You stood watching the twins scooter around the path with Monty bounding beside them, but then you had an overwhelming feeling that you were being watched. You had come to learn this feeling well in the first few years of your relationship. Knowing that Niall was a public figure and you were in a relationship meant you were also of interest. People took your photo without permission quite often, particularly here on the Common.

Looking behind you cautiously you saw Niall walking across the bridge with his Dad Bobby and his partner Aoife walking behind him. He still gave you butterflies in your tummy even after nine years together. He smiled and gave you a wave as they made their way over to you. Monty was next to spot him and he gave up on aggravating the ducks to race over to him. Jack was next, followed by Izzy and they sped over calling out to their Dad and Grandad.

"Hey stalker." You said to Niall as he came over to kiss you.

"Not stalking, you text me to tell me you were going to be here!" He smirked.

You looked over to see Izzy in deep conversation with Aoife. "And I did my writing homework but I left my school book as I wanted to read it with you."

"I'm sure we can look at that together, just make sure we help out with dinner and stuff for your Mum first though, ok?" Aoife replied.

As Bobby and Aoife finally reached you after being practically mauled by the twins they greeted you with a hug and a kiss each.

"I've prepped most of dinner while you were out, just need Pops to start up the bbq when we get back." You said looking at Bobby.

"I think I can manage that." He said rubbing his hands together. "I'm in a good mood after our win, think I'll have a couple of beers to celebrate. Speaking of football how did you do this morning Jack?"

"Really good and I scored a goal!" Jack said with a massive smile on his face.

He hadn't been happy about missing the game with Niall, but you'd only just managed to get him a slot on the football team after being on the waiting list for months. Niall had insisted that there would be other games he could take him to in the future that didn't clash with his practice. 

"The Common always looks amazing on a summer afternoon doesn't it?" Aoife said as she leant down to give Monty some attention.

"It does, this place has always been something beautiful." Niall replied smiling as he looked at you, taking your hand in his.

[andypantsx3]

hi there !! i hope you're doing well :) ever since i started reading ur fics i've just been really impressed with how u keep the quality of ur content very consistent. do u take breaks in between writing each fic? i think u mentioned this in a previous post when u talked about editing fics, but i guess i'm wondering how u keep urself from being burnt out/if u get burnt out! i'm going thru a slump rn so i'd be curious to hear about ur experience!

Omg thank you so much!! That is literally so sweet of you to say, much as I doubt the quality is all actually consistent—I'm looking at you, in cinders chapter two.🖕🖕🖕

Also please excuse how long this got, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject in particular!!

Personally yes, I do get burnt out, and I do find it very necessary to take breaks—from writing overall and from a fic if I'm having difficulties with it. In general, I try to write a little bit every day, but that’s not always possible, and there are times when that’s not the right thing to be doing.

If you were following me late last year, you may vaguely be aware that I disappeared for two months straight between December and February. Like, just let the queue run through and did not answer a single ask, post a single original thought, or even look at my ao3 comments. While I was gone I barely wrote a thing. I think at like 1.5 months into it, I started drafting the outline for subtle, but before that, I didn't do shit except focus on my personal life and hang out with my dog.

At that point I was just tired and I thought I could use a little recharging to get excited about writing again. I read a bunch of books and other people's fics, and reread a bunch of my old fave comfort ship fics. That break from my own work really helped me get inspired again. Since then I've been consciously trying to strike a balance between writing all the time and chilling/consuming the things that keep me inspired to write.

When it comes to taking a break from fics, I do that too. My Hawks fic lay low has been ongoing since December of last year, when I normally finish fics in under a month. I actually really love this fic, but I got a little frustrated with some plot holes and then again with the pressure I was putting on myself to characterize him (like, relax, Andie it's a fuckin fanfic) so that's been on hiatus like multiple times even though we're only three chapters in.

I think it was important, though, for me personally to take a step back from it until I had the energy to address the things that I wanted to, and until I was excited to write it again. I'm actually finally working on chapter 4 (!!!), but it really took a long time to let that bad boy marinate, and I hope the fic will be better for it.

And I did that with statistically significant as well. This was more due to my workload at my job at the time, and I worked on this one over the course of five months when prior to that, I had been finishing fics in 1-2 weeks. But slowing down and writing this fic over like ten times the amount of time it took me to write other fics was a really good learning experience for me. It taught me that it's totally fine to step away from a fic for multiple months, and that you can always come back and finish it later.

I think that's also going to be the case with the new Deku fic, and I'm happy I already know it's completely okay to take my time. I'm sure there will be new wrenches that life throws into my path, and I'll have to get hit by those and figure out how to get back up and learn to duck next time lol.

Anyway, I definitely get where you are coming from, and if I've learned anything in the year and a half I have been writing it’s that it's totally normal to hit slumps, be they long or short, fic-specific or related to writing overall. Burn-out/slumps are actually not a big deal at all if you don't psych yourself out about them.

I feel like every time I'm asked advice on anything I say this (but I mean it!!): listen to yourself. You know best what you need. If you don't feel like you have the brain power for writing right now?? You're definitely right, and you should take some time away to chill, just consume things without producing, or do other stuff in life that makes you feel good.

If you're two months into not writing and you get excited about a project outside of the one you abandoned?? There's probably a reason. Work on that instead, and maybe let your enthusiasm for that project remind you of what you liked about the other one you put down.

And if that enthusiasm doesn't return? Then let the damn thing sit until it does. There are literally writers I follow who stepped away from fics for YEARS, only to come back and post a new chapter like half a decade later. They are always, always better for it.

So literally just listen to what you are telling yourself, and ride out the slump however you need to. Please try your best not to feel guilty for it, or think that it is any reflection on you or your work. They're just a natural part of the process, and honestly you will be the better for having had this experience.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Finally Home–Logan Thibault

Materlist

Logan's been gone for 3 years, 11 months, and 22 days. I tried not to keep track, but it was the only thing that helped me not think about the danger he could be in. Instead of focusing on it being another day that Logan was gone, I focused on it being another day he was alive.

I was sitting on our couch, working from home when Kasey, our german shepherd, ran up to me and jumped on my lap.

"Kasey," I sighed. "Mommy needs to finish this marketing report."

He whined as he laid his head on my keyboard. Logan and I got Kasey as a puppy right after we were married. It's been amazing having Kasey around since Logan left. With Kasey always being around, he helped distract from the loneliness. He even sleeps next to me so I don't have to focus on Logan not being here.

I ran my fingers through his fur as I tried to go back to my report. About an hour later, I couldn't handle being home anymore.

"Come on, baby," I sighed. "Let's go for a walk."

I giggled when that word made Kasey's ears perk up. He jumped off the couch and ran to the door where we kept his leash hanging. I stood up, slipped on my shoes, and followed him.

We went on our regular route of walking around the neighborhood. When we were almost back to the house, I noticed Kasey start to pull a little more.

"Kasey," I sighed. "I know Daddy usually takes you on runs, but Mommy. . ."

I gasped as Kasey's leash slipped out of my hand and he took off running down the street.

"Kasey!!"

I instantly started chasing after him around the corner. I froze as I watched Kasey run towards someone. My heart jumped into my throat when I noticed who he was running to.

"Logan?"

He looked up when he heard me say his name. I could see his smile from all the way down the street. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I ran over to him. He laughed and met me halfway, catching me as I jumped into his arms.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me as he picked me up and spun me around. When he put me back on my feet, I didn't let go of him.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I held my husband that I haven't seen in almost four years as close to my chest as I could. 18 months after we got married, Logan was drafted and sent out on assignment. The last time I saw Logan, I was dropping him off at an airport, not knowing when or if I would ever see him again.

I slowly let go of him, leaning out of the hug, and stared into the eyes I love and haven't seen in almost four years. I grabbed his face and brought his lips down to mine. I felt him smile as he started to kiss me back. The tears continued to stream down my cheeks as our lips moved in sync.

When I finally broke the kiss, I leaned my forehead against his. Neither one of us said anything as we caught our breaths. I leaned back, studying him through my watery eyes.

"Is this real?" I asked under my breath. "Are you really back? Are you really home? Or am I dreaming again?"

Logan chuckled as he tightened his arms around my waist. "It's real. I'm home, baby."

"Like home home?"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I sighed as our lips immediately started moving in sync. Logan broke the kiss and smiled down at me.

"Home home," he chuckled. I let out a relieved chuckle as I cupped his face in my hands.

"I've missed you so much, baby," I whispered. "Four years is way too damn long. Ever since you left. . . I was so scared. . . Every time the phone rang. . . I thought. . . I thought I'd never see you again."

"Well," he smiled, "I'm back, babe. For good."

"For good?" I repeated.

"For good," he nodded, slightly laughing. "I am never leaving you again, Y/N. I love you."

"I love you too."

We were about to lean in for another kiss but laughed when Kasey wanted in on our hug.

"Looks like I wasn't the only one who missed you," I laughed as we finally broke apart. I crossed my arms over my chest and as Logan knelt down to pet Kasey. I watched with tears in my eyes as Kasey excitedly licked Logan's face.

I studied my husband, instantly noticing the weight on his shoulders. I knelt down next to him and cupped his cheek in my hand, making him look at me.

"I love you, Logan," I whispered.

"I love you too," he chuckled.

Even though he was smiling, I could tell that a lot was weighing down on him. I grabbed his hand and made him stand up. I quickly grabbed Kasey's leash as Logan grabbed his duffle bag. Hand-in-hand we walked down the street towards our house.

I laughed when Logan stopped and just stared at our house. My smile fell when I saw the look on his face.

"Everything okay, baby?"

Logan looked over at me, his smile returning. "I'm great, babe. I'm home. I'm back with you. Nothing could be better."

He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. I grabbed his face before he could pull away and deepened the kiss. I broke the kiss and stared into his eyes. I debated about saying something but decided against it at the last minute.

"Come on," I said instead. "Let's go inside."

When we walked in the door, Logan immediately dropped his pack. "Sorry," he chuckled. "I'll take that upstairs later. Right now, I want to. . ."

"Right now you need to take your wife upstairs," I laughed before grabbing his face and pressing his lips to mine.

Logan chuckled against my lips as he immediately deepened the kiss. Our lips moved in sync as I wrapped my arms around his neck and Logan wrapped his arms around my waist. I let out a soft moan as Logan pulled me tightly into his chest and pressed me up against the wall. He broke the kiss, both of us catching our breath as he stared intently into my eyes.

"You okay?" I whispered.

I reached up and gently moved his hair away from his face, my hands lingering on his cheeks. He reached up and grabbed my wrists, not pulling my hands away from his face. Logan sighed as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"I missed you so much, Y/N," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't. . . I don't think I can ever leave you again."

"Then don't."

                       * * * * *

I laid my head on Logan's bare chest, listening to his heart rate slowly return to normal. The entire time we were making love, Logan seemed different. It was the first time in almost four years, but I could tell something was on his mind.

I gently rubbed his chest, debating about talking to him. It was clear he was thinking about whatever happened over there, but I didn't want to pressure him into opening up to me before he was ready. Memories of my grandfather and his PTSD popped into my mind, making my heart drop.

I sat up on my elbow, grabbing the blanket and covering my chest. "You okay?" Logan asked.

I looked over at him as I nervously bit my bottom lip. "Do you remember my Grandpa Peter?"

"Yeah," he said slowly as he sat up.

I sighed before sitting up and turning towards him. I smiled as he leaned down and handed me his shirt. I slipped it over my head as I gathered the courage to talk to him about this.

"Well, I've been thinking. . . And maybe this is none of my business. Maybe. . . Maybe we should forget it, get dressed, and go to dinner."

"Y/N," Logan cut me off as he grabbed my hand, stopping me from getting out of bed. He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "It's alright, baby. Just say whatever is on your mind."

I looked up at him, studying his eyes. "Well, he had really bad PTSD after he came home from war. My grandma said he was never the same man. She once told me that she wished he had opened up to her about what he went through and maybe it would've helped him get past it. Not that they were having marriage problems because of his PTSD but. . ."

"Y/N," Logan cut me off again. "What's going on?"

"You're different," I blurted out. "I just mean. . . I'm sorry, baby, but I can tell that something is weighing you down. You're smiling, but you're eyes are saying something different. I don't want to pressure you, but I want to help you. You're my husband and I love you. I just want to make sure you know that I love you and I'm always here for you. I don't want you to feel like you're on your own or like I won't understand. I will! My brother is in the marines, my dad was in the air force, my grandpa was in World War II. Even my great grandfather went to war. Every man in my family has enlisted or gone to war and I don't want you thinking I don't understand. I do, baby. Or at least, I could try. I mean, I could listen and. . ."

Logan cut me off by leaning over, cupping my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine. As our lips moved in sync, I felt a tear slide down his cheek. I broke the kiss, my eyes watering as I saw the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "The things I saw. . . I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to keep you as far away from that world as possible. It was terrible. . . The things I saw. . . You're too good for all of that."

"Hey," I sighed. "I'm your wife, Logan. When we got married, we agreed to take each other's burdens as our own. Which means my problems are yours and your problems are mine. I will be here to help you through every PTSD moment, anxiety attack, nightmare, sleepless night, and anything else that comes our way."

"But. . ." He stuttered.

"But nothing," I cut him off. "I love you, Logan."

"I love you too, Y/N," he sighed. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I felt him genuinely smile as our lips moved in sync. I giggled against his lips as he laid us back down without breaking the kiss.

Logan slowly pulled out of the kiss, staring down at me. He sighed as he reached down and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I've missed you so much, baby," he whispered.

"I've missed you too."

[chimaerakitten]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2eF2BW8QhNO2UesloUNkuk?si=SfOWQO6CTQy28MPE0ndjMA)

so, now that I am officially free of both finals and my work on the TQT title sequence animation, I thought it would be a good time to turn to my other bit project for this fandom, Chi’s crazy-long chronological playlist. I started this. One week after ROTT came out. ONE WEEK. I thought I’d get it done and written up in two or three days. It is now. December the 15th. Two months. TWO MONTHS, THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS

Bellow the cut: A writeup explaining the position of each song + a little bit more commentary on it from me (spoilers. everything is spoilers all the way through ROTT below the cut):

This is a mix of some pretty typical fanplaylist fare (there is. A lot of Bastille on here) some Queen’s Thief must-haves (can you really have a Queen of Attolia playlist without Achilles Come Down?) and my own really weird music taste (Filk like Tin Soldier and Courage Knows No Bounds)

Some of the ones I’m most proud of are Monster by Starset for the Mede camp scenes in ROTT (I mean, it starts with “Under the knife I surrendered” It’s kinda perfect) Laughter Lines for Relius and Teleus (I have it on good authority that that caused a lot of heart pain for other fans) and Soft to be Strong for Irene and Relius.

without further ado, the song list:

“Eddis”—Warriors

“Thief!”—Second Child, Restless Child

The Thief

Whatever it takes—“I can steal anything”

Tin Soldier—“Nobody would mistake you for anything but a tool, Gen.”

Centuries—“His name would be carved in stone on a stele outside the basilica, and mine would be written in the dust.”

Everybody Wants To Rule the World—“He doesn’t want the queen…He just wants the pass through the mountains so that he can invade Attolia.”

Patron Saint o’ Thieves—Eugenides and the Sky God’s Thunderbolts (I will be honest. This one was chosen based on title and Vibes, tm, not lyrics)

The Only Exception—“But if there hadn’t been one that I loved, I wouldn’t have landed myself in the king’s prison.”

Thief—Before braving the temple of the Aracthus.

Come Wayward Souls—Inside the temple.

History Has Its Eyes On You—The answered prayer for silence.

The Queen and the Soldier—“You are more beautiful, Your majesty... But she is more kind.”

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)—Walking to Eddis.

Stand By Me—“Oh, It’s you, Eugenides.”

Family—Helen, Eugenides, and the Minister of War.

“Destruction”—Dread Sovereign

The Queen of Attolia

Run Boy Run—The chase through the palace.

Icarus—Eugenides, caught.

When the Chips are Down—“I still think tradition might hold the best solution to my problems with you.”

Achilles Come Down—Eugenides, after returning to Eddis.

Heroes—The Secret War and the expectation that Eugenides will die soon.

Burn It Down—Burning Sounis’s navy.

Sit Still Look Pretty—“It was her fiancé who gave her the name shadow princess.”

Heroes and Thieves— “She pulled the bedclothes up as far as they would go and suppressed a perverse wish to have her old nurse come to chase away the darkness, perverse because she didn’t know if she wanted the shadows to be empty or not.”

Thousand Eyes—The plan to take Ephrata.

We Remain—“There’s an easier way for a man to become king,”

Black Water—“She reached up to push the wet hair out of her face, wondering when she had sunk so low that she had begun torturing boys.”

Simple Song—"I watched you walking between the rows of cabbages and then dancing under the orange trees. I was above you, in one of the trees.”

She’s Always a Woman—"Eugenides had accepted gladly and read carefully, trying to see whether Attolia could be the monster in human guise she was accused of being, or only a woman who ruled without the support of her barons.”

Queen of Peace—“Just asleep,” Eddis reassured her.”

I’m Not Calling You A Liar—“I sometimes believe his lies are the truth, but I have never mistaken his truth for a lie.”

Losing My Religion—“You made a mistake,” Attolia agreed. “You trusted your gods. That was your mistake.”

Pompeii—The vision of the volcano.

All I’ve Ever Known—“Love I am not familiar with.”

Love Love Love—"Who am I, that you should love me?

A Healing In This Night—“And she believed him.”

The King of Attolia

Bow to the Crown— “He dropped to his knees before his queen and lowered his head almost to the floor.”

Shut up and Dance—"Her queen danced like a flame in the wind”

Carry Your Throne— It was not a kiss between strangers, not even a kiss between a bride and a groom. It was a kiss between a man and his wife.”

It’s Alright—"If it was embarrassing to wake like a child screaming from a nightmare, how much more embarrassing to be the reason your husband woke screaming.”

Believer—“like a god revealed” and the fall of the house of Erondites.

I CHOOSE YOU— “He was very likable—Eddis would have married him.”

Hunger— “I did not say that I am afraid. He is, though, I think. Afraid of his own desire for power.”

Soft to Be Strong—"I have learned that there is a flaw in your philosophy. If we truly trust no one, we cannot survive.”

Gold—Eugenides on the crenellations.

True & Destined Prince—“He is an Annux, a king of kings.”

“Knife Dance”—Human

A Conspiracy of Kings

Things We Lost In The Fire—The raid on the villa.

Constellations—Sophos and Moira in the dream library.

Welcome Home, Son—“I didn’t want a choice; I wanted to stay right where I was and build walls and share poetry with an avid audience and enjoy a swim with friends, but I didn’t want it to be my choice.”

Words as Weapons— “Eugenides looked me in the eye as if I were a complete stranger and said, “The simplest way to end a war is to admit you have lost it.”

Share Your Address— “You made a proposal in your previous letter. Perhaps it was only hypothetical?” “It was not.”

I Love You—“When I was working in the fields, I knew how unfounded my hopes were,” he said. “I was a poor excuse for an heir of Sounis when I made the proposal and then became even less than that.”

Iron—“I will go to Melenze. And hope to delay the Medes long enough to find some other solution to their imperial expansion. Of course, that assumes the king and queen of Attolia intend to honor the laws of hospitality and allow me to travel safely to the border.”

Young Volcanoes—“Just what makes you think you can get away with that?” he asked the young man standing over him with a butter-won’t-melt-in-my-mouth expression incongruous on his scarred face.”

The Fates—Sophos’s naïve speech before the first vote.

Handmade Heaven—Shooting Hanaktos and Akretenesh, lifting a hand to the sky for a lightning bolt that will not come.

I Bet My Life—"There is no reason I can see that I would not be honored to join Eddis to you.”

Flaws—“Eddis stared at him for a long time, knowing that forgiving someone because you have to is not forgiving him at all.”

For The Dancing And The Dreaming—“Are you certain that you want to be my wife?” “Absolutely,” said Eddis, quietly. “Eternally certain.”

Blood Brothers—"He had been saved by the men Eugenides sent, though he did not yet know the ferocity with which the king of Attolia had stripped those men from other posts, the capital he had expended, the secrets that had been revealed in order to send help to Sounis.”

Thick as Thieves

I’ll Believe In Anything—"If there had been any alternative, I would have taken it, but I could see none, and there was no time for hesitation.”

You’ve Got A Friend In Me—“Head wounds bleed, but we can stitch it up, I’ve done it before, don’t be afraid. Kamet, I wouldn’t tell you this if it weren’t true. I swear to you, I am not going to leave your dead body beside the road to Perf. I didn’t come all the way to this godsforsaken cesspit so that I could go home and tell my king I failed him.”

Desert Song—Costis and Kamet crossing the empire, eating caggi.

Empire—"It would be possible, I supposed, for an outsider to see disruption and think the empire might collapse, but it was too all encompassing, too well sewn together to come apart. As each smaller nation was absorbed, it was integrated into the whole, enjoying all the benefits of being in the empire.”

Fell In Love With A Girl—Kamet’s story of Marin the dancing girl.

Foreigner’s God—Kamet’s encounter with Ennikar while Costis is in the well.

The Hell If I Go Home—Kamet trying to leave in Sukir.

Stray Italian Greyhound—“If you had told me in Sukir, I would have let you go.” / “Costis,” I said, using his name for the first time since he had told it to me, on board the riverboat at the start of our journey. “Costis, I’m sorry.”

Poet—"I began this narrative in the palace of Attolia but have only recently neared its completion. I will eventually send it to Relius, when I am sure it can be delivered without interception, and I hope he will be satisfied with my account, as I would be honored to have it added to his library.”

All This And Heaven Too—“Immakuk and Ennikar,” he said. “Where?” I snapped my head around to scan the dock, and he nudged me with his elbow. “Idiot. Us,” he said.”

Return of the Thief

How Far We’ve Come—Exordium.

The Great Escape—Pheris finding a place for himself.

The Heart Is a Muscle—“Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults”

I Will Wait—“His heart is unlikely to be in his work.”

Laughter Lines—Relius and Teleus saying goodbye.

Stole You Away—“Attolia says she leaves with you”

Poison & Wine—“I think they have to show their worst selves sometimes”

United at War—“Sounis will not run…nor Eddis.”

This is War—Arrival at Leonyla.

No Light, No Light—“All wars make men monsters, all wars and all men.”

Survivor’s Song—The Etisian winds came early.

Daniel in the Den—The ambush and the Mede Camp.

Monster—“Nahuseresh tells me I am not king. We’ll see if he really prefers the Thief.”

Natural—“Once, when I said he had saved me, you said I had saved him. From what?”

Tomorrow I Leave For Battle—Before the Naupent.

March of Cambreadth—The Naupent.

Courage Knows No Bounds—A pyre that burned for three days.

Bad Blood—The pardon of Sejanus.

Call the Names—The naming of Hector and Eugenia.

Here’s To Us—Dancing on the Roof.

I lived—Pheris, and the gods were pleased.

“Alyta’s Missing Earring”—Falling and Empire

final note: I did my best to have songs have at least one meaning in the pace they were put, plus more meaning when considering the series as a whole—for example, “Tin Soldier” appears early on in the context of the king of Sounis and the Magus using Gen as a tool, but if you loop back around to it after Return of the Thief, Gen being “weapon more than child” gains a whole new meaning. "She’s always a woman” is an Irene song in the context of QOA, but the more we learn about Helen, the more it applies to her, etc. etc. Not every song is like that, but I wanted to give the playlist at least a bit of re-listen value, in the spirit of the books’ reread value.

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 11)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 10

Whiskey had been the one to suggest meeting at Founders.

The library is one of the few places on campus where it’s not-so-likely that he’ll run into anyone from the team. Unfortunately, it’s not completely guaranteed – it does happen, on occasion, that one of his teammates find it within themselves to actually hit the books – but it’s definitely Whiskey’s best bet when he wants some form of privacy at Samwell. Annie’s would’ve been much cozier, of course, if it hadn’t been for the fact that Whiskey would’ve run into at least six hockey players in the first half hour. Which is not happening, thank you very much. Whiskey is determined to avoid that onslaught of prying questions for as long as he possibly can.

Thankfully, Miguel had no objections to Founders.

And so, here they are. At Founders. Studying – really, just studying. Their statistics textbooks lie open on the table and everything. That’s right, nothing to see here, just two classmates being perfectly cordial classmates. It’s whatever, really. It’s almost nothing.

Except maybe, Whiskey thinks, daring yet another glance in Miguel’s direction and feeling his heartbeat quicken as he finds those brown eyes steadily meeting his own, it might actually be a little bit more than nothing.

Maybe, it could be something.

Miguel holds his Whiskey’s gaze for a moment, his expression unreadable.

Then he pushes his textbook aside.

“I wish I could just cram for the final, pass and then be done,” he complains, his tone a little wistful. “Like, I wish I didn’t actually need to know this stuff.”

“You do?” Whiskey asks curiously.

Miguel grimaces.

“I want to have a career in marine research. My academic advisor says I should try to include at least twenty credits of statistics and applied mathematics in my degree.”

“Oh,” Whiskey says, surprised. Although maybe, he doesn’t have a reason to be. “Your major is… Biology something, right?”

That makes Miguel smile.

“Marine biology,” he confirms. “Yeah.”

“Water polo, and marine biology,” Whiskey says, feeling like he’s starting to connect the dots. “Wait, let me guess. Scuba diving?”

Miguel grins, perhaps a little self-consciously.

“Bingo.”

“That’s really cool,” Whiskey tells him, because honestly, it is. “Do you, like. Go diving with dolphins and sharks?”

“No, goodness no!” Miguel laughs. “Try sea cows. And sometimes octopuses.”

“... Wait, really? I was kidding.”

“Sea cows are actually so cool,” Miguel says, sitting up a little straighter. There’s a glow in his eyes that definitely wasn’t there before. “I’ve mostly seen the antillean manatees, since there are a lot of those in Belize where my grandparents live. It was after my first time diving there that I knew I just had to do it again, and again and again, preferably. So I’m hoping that a degree in marine biology will make it possible for me to become a marine researcher, working in the field.”

“Huh,” Whiskey manages in return. There’s something about Miguel’s animated expression that’s making it unusually difficult to string sentences together. “Are there, uh. Are there many career opportunities for field marine biologists?”

Miguel’s smile falters a bit.

“I mean, I know it’s something of a long shot,” he admits, his tone a little quieter. “It’s definitely going to be very competitive. But I still want to try and get there, if i can.”

“No, I mean – of course you should,” Whiskey says hurriedly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Miguel is still frowning slightly.

Whiskey takes a moment to try and find the right words. He thinks about long shots, about hundreds of prospects competing against each other in a draft, about elusive seven-figure-contracts and his actual chances of landing one. Statistically? Probably not that great.

“It’s better to try than to live with regret,” Whiskey finally settles on, and fucking fuck, that sounded a whole lot better in his head. “I mean. Isn’t it?”

Miguel raises both eyebrows. He looks decidedly unimpressed.

Whiskey sighs.

“I want to play in the NHL,” he offers, somewhat desperately.

That makes Miguel’s eyes widen.

“You want to do what?”

Whiskey smiles weakly.

“I know. Extremely long shot.”

“I mean, yeah,” Miguel agrees. He still looks sort of shaken. “Are you, um. Do you play well?”

“Yeah,” Whiskey says. He doesn’t need to hesitate on that one. “I really do. Although there’s a lot of really good players out there, so there’s absolutely no guarantee that I’ll ever make it. But I just know that I have to try. I have to. Failure can’t be worse than living with so much regret.”

Miguel nods, thoughtfully. And this time, Whiskey notes with relief, he looks more understanding than confused.

“I get that,” Miguel tells him gently. “I really, really do.”

Then he starts to smile.

Whiskey quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Miguel says, even as his smile keeps widening. “It’s silly, it’s just... I just knew that you’re a Slytherin, you had to be. And I was totally right!”

“Oh,” Whiskey says. Then he grins. “Actually, no – Beauxbatons Academy all the way.”

“Right,” Miguel laughs. “How could I possibly forget?”

“Maybe I’ll take you there sometime,” Whiskey offers loftily, surprising himself – he has never, ever been this smooth. “France should be nice, this time of year.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Miguel returns, his tone irresistibly playful. “How’s Saturday?”

“Saturday’s... “ Whiskey begins, before pausing. “We have a game, Saturday.”

“That’s totally fine with me,” Miguel says, and for some reason it sounds like the answer to a question. “What time?”

Oh.

Oh, fuck. Fucking fuck.

Then again, everything went perfectly fine with Beth. Why should this be so different?

“Four p.m.,” Whiskey says bravely. “There’s, uh. There’s going to be a party, after.”

“Oh,” Miguel says, tilting his head in a way that looks a little bit indecisive. “At the hockey frat, I guess?”

“The very one,” Whiskey confirms. And then he continues, quite firmly, before he changes his mind. “You should come.”

“Okay,” Miguel agrees, his expression immediately brightening, almost as if those three words were the password he’d been waiting to hear. “Cool. I’ll be there.”

“Cool,” Whiskey repeats stupidly, his mind still spinning from this unexpected turn of events – what in the world is he going to tell the team? And, perhaps more importantly, what is he going to wear?

Miguel grins.

“Cool,” he parrots back, his tone amused. “Super cool. The coolest of cool.”

“Right.” Whiskey swallows. Wasn’t he totally smooth, like, five minutes ago? Where did that Whiskey go? “Should we, uh… Should we maybe study?”

“I mean, probably,” Miguel says. Except he doesn’t reach for his book. “Hey. Do you wanna go get ice cream?”

Whiskey blinks. Miguel is smiling towards him, that same playful smile from before. It’s still completely irresistible.

They get chocolate ice cream at the murder Stop-n-Shop.

It’s probably not the best ice cream Whiskey’s had in years. Yet somehow, it tastes like it is.

(ch. 12)

[anne-white-star]

Young Jon pertwee x waitress!reader 

Notes: reader is a waitress jon saves her from a scary situation and more will happen read to find out😊

Please ignore any spelling mistakes thank you 😊

There are hystorical mistakes im sorry about that i tried my best

Warnings : cursing nothing bad or explisit

Words : 2067

It was 1947 2 years After the war of 1945 people wer trying to pick back up their lives. A lot of buildings were destroyed many people died, lots of people fled and fought the war it was a big chaos the last 5 years, but things were calm now.

Jon pertwee came back home from the war after serving as a marine in the navy on the HMS Hood also in the ww2 many of his men died one of the only survivers of his group was him and Ian Fleming. (I hope i got it corect if not my excuses)

"Hey jon! How are you doing mate?" Jon turnd around at the mention of his name.

"Oh hey ian, it has been a few years" jon grabed his hand and shook it "im doing fine how about you?".

"im doing alright, im just trying to pick my life back up you?" They started to walk next to echother.     

"Yes me to the past years have been really tough" as they both crossed the street jon his eyes fell on a bar/restaurant/pub "shall we go get a beer? Than we talk further".

"Sounds good im always if for a cold beer" ian laught

Walking in they were greated by lots of men sitting and drinking their fill, waitresses were serving food the bar tender was filling their beer mug. And there were a few cooks in the back prepairing some food. They sat down at a table and a women walked up to them.

"Hello welkom to the fox and hounds my name is y/n and i will be your waitress this afternoon would you like to eat or drink something?" She grabed a pen and note book out of her apron ready to Wright down their order. (The Fox & Hounds is locaded at 29 Passmore St, Belgravia, London SW1W 8HR, not far from jon his old home at 66 Chester Row it was build around 1960 but lets pretend its older)

"Umm yes" jon looked at the menu

"I'll take a pint" ian said

"I take one as wel"

Y/n looked up from her note book "anything ells?"

"No this is fine" jon smiled at the women

"Alright two pints coming up" she walked back to the bar to get them

"Are you starting to like her don't you?" Ian asked

"What?"

"I saw the way you looked at her"

"Oh be quiet you" jon punched his shoulder while grining  

"So here you go two pints that be 2s 4d"( its origanaly 1s 2d im not british i Googled it but i really don't know how this works it was after the war) she smiled and put them down on the table before them

"Here you go i pay for both of us" ian said to her and smiled

Y/n took the money from the table and put it in her apron

Jon started to drink his beer and they talked with echoter for about 30 minuts when

"Hey let me go aaahhh!!!"

They both turned around to look where the scream came from, when they turned around they saw y/n being hold back with a gun pointed to her head

"Give me all the money out the register or the pretty girl will pay with her life"   

"Please let me go" she asked while crying softly

Jon put his beer mug back down on the table and stood up "let the girl go"

"Hmpf" "what are you going to....." the man was caught of guard by jon punching him in the face "agh!! you fucking cunt!" the gun fell out of his hand and His hands flew to his nose. Jon grabed the gun from the ground and went to stand in between y/n and the man.

"Now put your hands up turn around and face the wall" jon pointed the gun in the back of the man "someone call the police"

Ian walked up to y/n and sat next to her on the ground "are you alright?"

"Yeah yeah im fine..... i just need a moment" *sigh*

About 30 minuts later Two police officers stept in "Good afternoon we got a call for a attempt of robbery and a hostage"

"Yes sirs here he is" jon said while still pointing his gun at the man.

"Alright we take it from here thank you so mutch for keeping him under controle" one of the police man took handcuffs and arested the man.

"Also here is his gun" jon gave it to the other officer

"Thank you sir, we will take care of all this".

After the police officers took the man away jon turned to y/n sitting on the ground with a blanked over her shoulders. "how are you feeling?"

"Im feeling better now thank you" *sigh* "i just feel a bit scared now to get home"

"Where do you life?"

"About 30 minuts away but i have to be at work tomorow"

"If you want you can stay at my home i don't live far from the restaurant"

"That would be Nice sir"

"Oh please don't be so formal just call me jon"

"Thank you jon" y/n smiled at him.

Ian had been gone for a few hours after the insedent, after y/n her shift they walked to jon's house

"So this is my place" jon unlocked the door and let her in. "Make yourself at home"

"Its quite lovely" she looked around, y/n put her bag down and hung her coat on the coat rack.

"You must be hugry" jon said while walking to the kitchen "what would you like?"

"Hmm is (favorite food) alright?"

Jon laught "sure but i don't know how to make that, perhaps you could help me?"

"Of course i will help you jon its the least i can do" she went to stand next to him.

After they were done preparing the food they both sat down and started to eat

"Hmm this tastes great"

"Im glad you like it jon"

When they were done with eating their food y/n went to prepare herself for bed "where can i sleep jon?"

"you can take the bed y/n i'll take the coutch"

"Are you sure?"

"Its fine don't worry, good night dear"

"Good night".

The next morning both jon and y/n had breakfast with echoter and talked about all kinds of stuff

"i can't thank you enough for helping me out yesterday"

"Oh its nothig i dealed with worse"

"You fought in the war din't you?"

"Unfortanetly yes" jon looked down sadly "so many died, i lost a lot of comerats in battle"

Y/n grabed his hand softly in hers "Im so sorry, that you had to go trough that jon"

Jon smiled at her "Its alright I only hope this never happens again"

Y/n looked at the clock "oh goodness i have to get ready my shift starts in an hour" she stood up and went to get ready for work.

The few days that y/n had to work she would sleep the nights at jon's house so that she could be at work on time when she had off from work y/n would go back to her own home. Jon had to admid the days when she wasn't there during the late afternoon and diner it was quite lonley, but the days she was at his house they enjoyed cooking, reading and playing games to pass the time.

6 months had passed sinds the incedent at the fox and hounds and y/n and jon got very close with echoter they became great Friends even to the point that they both fell in love with one another but both din't know it that they were.

"Hey jon in a few days there will be music at the fox and hounds and i was wondering if you would like to go with me?"

"Sure it sounds like fun"

The evening came around and people were dressed up formal y/n was wearing a long black dress with long white gloves and golden wristbands plus a pearl necklace around her nek her hair was in pretty waves down her back. They were enjoying them selfs when the bar tender came up to y/n

"Y/n can i talk to you for a moment"

"Alright sure, i be back in a few minuts jon" they both walked to the back of the restaurant "whats wrong?"

"Wel i got the news that the last person who was suposed to sing could't come because their car broke down"

"Oh no what are we going to do"

"Cant you go up there?"

"What me? Really?"

"Yes you, i have heared you sing something while being in the back your voice is very pretty y/n"

"Hmm... Alright i'll do it"

"Thank you y/n you are a life saver"

About 30 minuts later it was time for her to come one the stage

"Ladys and gentelmen may i have your atention for the last act y/n y/l/n"

(Play the song from here if you want)

🎶He was a famous trumpet man from old Chicago way

He had a boogie style that no one else could play

He was the top man at his craft

But then his number came up and he was gone with the draft

He's in the army now, a-blowin' Reveille

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B

A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada🎶

Y/n looked over the crowd trying to find jon

🎶Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai

Have you ever danced in the tropics?

Well that girl's a fool

With the Gaucho?????

Of the South American way, hey!

Ai, ai, ai, ai. ai

Could you have ever kissed in the moon light

If you never kissed

Who knows what you've missed

In the South American Way🎶

Again looking around she still could't spot him

🎶Bei mir bist du schoen

Please let me explain

Bie mir bist du schoen means you're grand

Bei mir bist du schoen

Again I'll explain

It means you're the fairest in the land

I could say "bella, bella"

Even say "wunderbar"

Each language only helps me tell you

How grand you are

I'll try to explain

Bei mir bist du schoen

So kiss me and say you'll understand🎶

"Okay guys, grab your gal and hit the floor

'Cos here's that beat you've been waiting to swing to" said the bar tender to the crowd of people

🎶Who's the lovin' daddy with the beautiful eyes

What a pair o' lips, I'd like to try 'em for size

I'll just tell him, "Baby, won't you swing it with me"

Hope he tells me, "Baby, what a wing it will be"

So, I said politely "Darlin' may I intrude"

He said "Don't keep me waitin' when I'm in the mood"

In the mood

In the mood

In the mood

It didn't take me long to say "I'm in the mood now🎶

She finaly spoted him in the crowd he was looking at her with a dreamy look.

🎶If you ever go down Trinidad

They make you feel so very glad

Calypso sing and make up rhyme

Guarantee you one real good fine time

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola

Go down Point Koomahnah

Both mother and daughter

Workin' for the Yankee dollar🎶

🎶Oh, Tico Tico, tick

Oh, Tico Tico, tock

This Tico Tico, he's the cuckoo in my clock

And when he says "Cuckoo"

He means it's time to woo

It's Tico time for all the lovers in the block

I've got a heavy date

A tete-a-tete at eight

So speak, oh Tico, tell me is it getting late?

If I'm on time, cuckoo

But, if I'm late, woo woo

The one my heart is gone to may not want to wait🎶

🎶In Spain they say "Si, si"

In France you hear "Oui, oui"

Ev'ry little Dutch girl says "Ya, ya"

Ev'ry little Russian says "Da, da"

La-la-la-la-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-de-de-da-da

De-da-da-da-da-da-da-da🎶

When the song was over people clapped and cheered for her performance. Jon walked up the stairs of the podium.

"That was amazing y/n i din't know you could sing so wel"

"Thank you jon it means a lot" y/n smiled

"I want to ask you a question y/n"

"Yes jon go ahead"

"Would you like to be My girlfriend?"

"I would love to"

Jon kissed y/n a top of her head knowing that this women wil be a great joy in his live.

The end

I hope you all enjoyed reading 😊

[fieryrondo]

my report on skate canada 2019 and how i fell in love with figure skating all over again (part 1)

It’s taken me about a month to sit down and write this. Not necessarily due to lack of time (though that is a factor) but because the experience was so much. Even now, with grainy photos and videos taken with a trembling hand as proof of my time there, Skate Canada feels like a bit of a fever dream. The best kind that leaves you breathless, heart-pounding and longing for more.

I’m not a stranger to traveling alone but this would be my first international venture for something solely recreational, something solely just for me. A purely selfish pleasure. The planning itself was a.process that evolved over the course of months. And to be honest, there were times when I thought this trip wouldn’t happen at all. My flight, booked months in advance, got moved up several hours earlier than expected, forcing me to decide between missing part of the gala or to stay an extra night. Personal problems drained my stamina, and several bouts of poor health stoked the fear that this day would never come. It only became real when I set off for Boston, carry-on, and swan plush in tow, for the first leg of my journey.

Kelowna, a charming lake-resort town in the middle of nowhere British Columbia. There are no direct flights from the East Coast there and I ended up having an overnight stopover in Toronto. From what I saw from the vantage point of the aircraft, Toronto was a beautiful city and reminded me a little of Los Angeles. However, I had little time to appreciate the city. I checked into a hotel to shower, warm up some leftovers, and resurrect my dying phone.

(above) My companions for the journey. 

The swan was for Yuzuru, I know it is traditional to give him a Pooh bear but I picked the swan because it was the first program of his that I saw and to this day, it is still my favorite. It has a lot of meaning for me. The Sakura Pooh was my lucky charm, the Pooh ears a last-minute purchase. 

Due to my schedule, I had to miss the first day, which itself was a bit of a risk. Isn’t it crazy? Traveling thousands of kilometers just to watch half a competition? I certainly thought so. Not to mention how Yuzuru performed during the short would have a direct impact on how he would approach the free skate. Skate Canada has never been his strongest competition. Even if he was the overwhelming favorite, like most fanyus, I’ve learned to take nothing for granted. When I heard that he skated well in the short, I breathed a little more easily before settling down to draft my letter.

“Perhaps it’s a bit forward of me, a complete stranger, to wish you this, but congratulations on your chest muscles” was the opening line of my letter, as suggested by my good friend Tanya over @turistinmyowncity​. I was too embarrassed to actually take photographic evidence but rest assured I did include it. I like to think that it may have made Yuzuru smile. A gold foil origami crane was added for additional luck. Like many fans, I was keeping my fingers crossed for Yuzuru’s first Skate Canada title.

And then it was off to the airport again, this time for the second leg of the flight. Unlike the first flight, not so many passengers were flying to Kelowna and we all got to pick our own seats.

It did not occur to me that catching Yuzuru’s practice was even within the realm of possibility until I had realized that we had arrived in Kelowna 30 minutes earlier than scheduled. A fanyu i had been corresponding with had texted: “Yuzuru’s skating second to last in practice. If you hurry, you might make it.”

*insert dramatic cinematic action sequence where I race to the nearest cab driver, shakily request to be taken to Prospera Palace expediently without breaking any traffic safety laws and then quietly die to the barely heard strains of Origin while the main entrance security guard painstakingly searches my luggage.*

One of the most vivid memories I have of Skate Canada is dragging my ridiculously bulky carryon (gimpy wheel and all) up the flight of stairs in Section 114, trying to flatten myself and become one with the stairwell wall and not get in anyone’s way. A volunteer took pity on me and let me stand on the top of the steps for a closer look. The first thing I saw, of course, was Pooh-san, that bright splash of red and yellow works perfectly as a homing beacon.

I missed Origin but was able to catch the last few minutes of practice. As for first impressions go, I’m afraid I don’t have anything particularly new to offer. Yuzuru looks as exactly as he does in photos. Sharp, precise, graceful. And fast! He kept practicing what looked like his entrance into quad loop. 

With men’s practice over, I met up with fellow fanyu VentusCantabile, an extremely sweet person with an excellent singing voice :). I dropped off my luggage at our Airbnb (conveniently located two blocks away) before rushing back over to the arena for the free dance. The venue itself is not that big so even in seats from the nosebleed section you can get a pretty good view. I was in section 112, the closest I could get to the judges' side view and also got a decent(ish) view of the kiss and cry.

I must confess that I don’t really follow ice dance and am unable to provide anything insightful. To me, everyone looked absolutely stunning. I cheered extra loud for Sara Hurtado/Kirill Khaliavin, the first Spanish ice dancers to win a Grand Prix medal. It’s no secret that I miss Javi terribly since his retirement so it was so nice to see Spanish figure skating continue to make strides. Sara’s story is also particularly inspiring. Like Javi, she has worked extremely hard to put Spanish figure skating on the map.

Other teams that impressed were: Gilles/Pourier, Hubbell/Donohue and Fear/Gibson. Fear/Gibson had an especially fun program and the Russian family next to me were so cute in that they were cheering for all of the European teams.

And then it was time for the ladies.

Media will talk about Trusova’s mindbogglingly difficult quads, Rika’s sublime triple axel, Medvedeva’s fight of a free, but the free skate of the night for me personally was Marin’s La La Land. So tenderly skated! Marin is so lovely and a true pleasure to watch live. To watch her bravely skate through (bandage and all) the best free she’s had in ages, how meaningful it must have been. And thus the first sea of Japanese flags washed through the stands. 

Here is Evgenia! Her dress is actually extremely beautiful. A very charismatic skater, there were a lot of fans who had come from overseas to cheer for her. 

Cute podium :)

Then a break for lunch. The funniest thing I found about being in Kelowna is how it is no exaggeration that figure skating fans just take over the town. The restaurant we went to was packed full of figure skating fans. Talking with fanyus was surprisingly easy. A bit awkward at first but it wasn’t long before we were easily chatting about scoring GOE guidelines and work and other fandom interests.

Then back to the rink for pairs. Given that there was a dearth of filled seats in the lower rows, I half-guiltily took the opportunity to sit a bit closer.

Watching pairs. Is. Terrifying. Lifts are hella more impressive. Twists are gravity defying. Throws are put your hands together and pray the guy does his part to help his partner land those jumps.

Vladimir Morozov lifting Evgenia Tarasova. I appreciated them a lot more live. Their elements are huge and so so clean.

Boikova/Kozlovskii are also now officially my favorite Russian pairs team. I had originally planned on filming their free since seeing quality pairs skating is such a rare opportunity in the US (cough, cough, please invest in pairs more, usfsa). I could not take my eyes off of them for one second. They were so confident and radiating electric charisma from start to finish. A young team with a very bright future!

Between the break, I also spotted Elladj Blade and Kevin Reynolds, the latter was kindly signing autographs. I was too shy to approach either of them but let me tell you Kevin is very sweet with little kids.

And then on to the men! The arena was starting to fill again so I ended up moving up a few rows. I was nervous (for a variety of reasons) but this was ultimately the event I came to see. Watching men is a bit like Russian roulette, you can either expect magnificence or implosion (or sometimes both). Not too many falls but pops are quite painful to see, especially when you know they are so costly. Still, there was a lot to like. Watching Matteo made my heart ache because his style reminds me so much of Javi’s (and doing a flamenco program does not make that association any easier). Roman is also really gorgeous to watch live, but he was so nervous during the free he was unable to show us what he’s really capable of.

At some point, you can sense the audience’s point of focus shift, probably during Camden’s skate (also really liked Camden!). I was sitting pretty close to the side of the skater’s entrance and noticed that all of the fans right by the stairwell had their phones/cameras out. Stairwell shooting is always a reliable indicator of Yuzuru’s arrival ^^

That roar of approval when Yuzuru takes off his jacket is something else. Origin 2.0 is a beautiful costume and way, way more sparkly in real life. Photos don’t quite do the sparkles justice.

Those six minutes of warm-up were honestly some of the most stressful I’ve experienced. Yuzuru kept drilling the quad loop, the jump that he had been having trouble with during practice. After he had gotten a beautiful one under his belt (good, please do that again in the free), he seemed to calm down.

I found it very difficult to concentrate on the other skaters in the second group. By then the stadium was packed and every seat was filled. I had doubts about whether or not I would even get the chance to throw my gift onto the ice because I was so high up and nowhere near the aisle. Worst case scenario, I would just keep my swan.

Keiji!!! He was so fun to watch here. I really love both of his programs this season and he was totally on from the very first jump! Not gonna lie, I saw my life flash before my eyes when he almost ran straight into the boards on his second sal, and then the dainty single toe on the end made me laugh. :)

So it never occurred to me, a formerly strictly broadcast viewer, the amount of time that skaters have right before they skate. There is SO much time. While they were doing the slow-mo replay and the judges were punching buttons, Yuzuru was already whizzing on the ice. He landed a very beautiful quad toe. Feather light. Airy. Calm and commanding, he looked good to go.

At this point, I put down my phone. Although part of me cried at the thought of not having a personal recording of Yuzuru’s free, it felt important to focus entirely on him with my own two eyes.

There are no words that can quite describe what I felt when watching Origin. When I look back on this skate, I can only remember how hard I ground my teeth. How I could feel the opening drum beats like the beats of a human heart. How my knuckles whitened as they grasped the edge of my hard seat. Yuzuru went for the loop and spun out, clinging on to the ice by the edge of his blade. Not the prettiest landing but he made it.

The sal next, smooth as silk. Step sequence, violin choreo(!!), that scream for the prettiest triple lutz I’ve seen. Quad toe. How many quads left. My fingernails were digging into my plastic wrapped swan. THAT FUCKING QUAD TOE-EULER-TRIPLE FLIP. Ahhhhhhhh, roll of thunder, hear our cry.

The CLAPPING. 6000 voices in perfect synchrony. Every completed jumping pass felt like a victory charge. That bionic knee bend determination to eke out that double toe. All jumping passes cleared. At some point I must have started breathing again. A song in my heart, indiscriminate joy squeezing the heck out of my vocal cords. Lay down that ina bauer! A tiny slip on the hydroblade but he’s done it. He’s ground the silver curse to dust. When you’re screaming at the top of your lungs but you can’t hear a thing because everyone else around you is screaming louder than you. Final clapping sequence. Dramatique pose, punch the air. Sound your barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

322.59!!! Feels. So. Damn. Right.