#this has been in my drafts since August just waiting for the best time to unleash its power

[couthbbg]

[curseofhecate]

My heart wont start anymore, for you

Sirius Black x fem!reader

She was in love with him. He never felt the same

1.7k

tw: mention of Y/n, slight swearing

This has been in my drafts since August. The ending is sloppy.

It had been going on for years now. Ever since she'd first saw him, that September 1st on platform 9¾, she'd only ever had eyes for him.

Stolen glances, innocent brushes of her hand against his, so many signs and yet he never picked up any of them.

Sirius Black was too focused on other girls to notice his best friend pinning after him, even now, after all these years. And yet her feelings never changed.

"So, who's that?" James teasingly asked the black haired boy, glancing towards a ravenclaw girl in their year, who was practically eyefucking Sirius from across the room.

"Jessica Monroe" Sirius smirked, then continued eating his breakfast. "Dude, that's like, the 3rd one this month" Remus pointed out.

"It's not my fault the ladies can't resist me"

"And as it seems, neither can you" Peter chimed in. "At least n/n here hasn't fallen for your charms yet" James joked, eyes set on the only girl in their friend group.

"As if!" She laughed, trying to cover up the rosy color of her cheeks.

Little did James know how wrong he had been.

It wasn’t until two weeks later when things really started going downhill. She had just returned from her perfect's duties when she found Sirius waiting for her in the common room. It was well past midnight and everyone had retired to their dorms long ago.

"Finally, I've been waiting for you for hours" the boy jumped up from his spot on the couch once he saw her. She stared at him confused. He gently grabbed her wrist and dragged her to sit beside him as he plopped himself on the couch.

"What are you even doing down here at this time?"

Sirius ignored her question. "I need to talk to you."

"Well, couldn't it wait until the morning? I'm exhausted" She groaned, leaning her head back on the couch.

He ignored her again. 

"I realized something."

His words had her sitting straighter in mere seconds.

Had he finally figured out her feelings for him?

She wasn’t exactly subtle about them either.

He must know.

Sirius looked at her. Whatever it was she was suspecting at that moment could have never even come close to what was yet to come.

"I've been sleeping with Thalia" he breathed out.

It wasn’t unusual for Sirius to sleep with different girls then dump them within the course of the next week. Most of the time he didn’t even mention who it was he was having sex with, so why would bringing her up now?

"Okay?"

She finally said not knowing how else to respond.

"The thing is, I want us to be more. As in, I actually have feelings for her. She makes me the happiest just by smiling at me. So much that makes me want to stay by her side until the end of my days."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with her. Hopelessly and utterly in love."

And it was in that moment when the little candle of hope she had burned out. 

The thing was, that even if Sirius was with other girls, it never lasted long simply because he had never loved any of them. The flame was just weaker, flickering.

And now there he was, talking about how he couldn't imagine a world without the blonde Gryffindor, going as far as to admit being in love with her. There was no candle anymore, only a paddle of melted wax where it once had been.

The girl in front of him, blinked back tears as she shook her head. "I want her to ask her on a date '' Sirius continued.

"But when I do, I want it to be perfect. This is where I need your help. You know her better than me, you can tell me what she likes, for example which kind of flowers does she like the most? And what’s her favorite color? Does she prefer a picnic by the black lake or stargazing at the astronomy tower?" the boy continued rambling until the Y/n stopped him.

And as much as it hurt her to do so, she did value his happiness more than hers. In the end she agreed to help him.

It had been three weeks since Sirius and Thalia started dating. And it was safe to say they were stuck to the honeymoon phase.

The two couldn't keep their hands off of each other. They were always touching somehow and every chance they got to kiss, they did. They'd go on dates every other day and more often than not they slept in each other's bed, at the point where Remus had started complaining that she was practically living in their dorm.

Not to mention that they were always together. And when they weren't, which was a rare occurrence, all Sirius could do was talk about her.

She didn’t blame him. Thalia was a girl made out of angel dust, the prettiest and kindest one could ever be. She had to be the sweetest thing to ever walk on this earth.

Yet Y/n couldn’t help but envy her. The blonde was everything she wasn’t.

Once the two reached their one month anniversary it had started to become frustrating. And the closer the couple grew, the further the two friends slipped apart. 

Sirius didn’t know what had happened between them. One second she was there, the other one she was gone, completely out of sight. It seemed to him that earth might as well have swallowed her whole and left no trace behind. 

In the months following Sirius and Thalia getting together, Y/n had avoided him at any and every cost. She still hung out with the rest of the marauders, they were her best friends after all just not when Sirius was around.

Instead she’d now hang out more with Lily, Marlene and Mary, the three growing closer ever since she started sitting with them at dinner. She’d joke about how her and Marlene were practically married at this point and she’d even had made friends with Regulus (or something along those lines) after finding him up at the astronomy tower. 

To say things had changed was an understatement. 

It was a slow progress too. Yet Sirius failed to notice it. Until now.

Him and Thalia had had their first argument the night before. It was unusual for the two to fight at all, much less not be on talking terms. Sirius needed to talk to his best friend but how could he do that when she was nowhere to be found.

It was in the common room, well after dinner when Sirius managed to spot her. She was sitting next to Peter, helping him with his potion’s essay. 

“Hey” he greeted taking a seat opposite her. She muttered a quiet ‘hi’ back but didn’t look up. 

He sat in silence for a little while, waiting for them to finish. When he finally decided he couldn't wait anymore, he cleared his throat. The two looked up at him confused. “Anything you need Sirius?” she asked, rather coldly. 

He wasn’t used to her calling him by his first name. It was either Siri or pads and sometimes ‘my star’ but never just plain Sirius. “Yes, actually. I need to talk to you.”

“Well can’t it wait. I have to help Pete with this and then I promised Lily I would put her hair into French braids” she said, trying to make up a lie to avoid him. She didn’t even know how to do French braids.

“It won’t take long, I promise”

“Fine,” She sighed. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Not here” he said, motioning for her to get up before doing so himself. He guided her upstairs to his and the boy’s dorm room. It had been a while since she’d last been there. And yet nothing had changed.

“What is going on with you?” Sirius asked after shutting the door closed and turning to her.

“What? Nothing. Everything is perfectly normal” the girl shrugged trying to play it off.

“Except it isn’t. You are never around anymore.We never talk anymore, you don’t even sit with us in the dining hall. I haven’t seen you since the last full moon and even then you didn’t talk to me. You were my best friend. Us against the world, remember? What the hell happened to us? What the hell happened to you n/n'' The more he spoke the more his voice rose. 

“No” she shook her head.

“What do you mean no?” He asked, frustrated.

“Sirius, you were the one who started pulling away. After you got with Thalia you were always with her. And when you weren’t it was your main, not to say only, topic of discussion.”

“That’s not true” he argued.

“Yes it is! Tell me Sirius had you even realized I wasn’t around you as much before today?” she defended. 

She was right. He hadn’t.

“And you know what’s worse? I was in love with you. I have been in love with you since the first day on the train.”

She has done it now. 

“Do you even know how fucking hard it is? Listening to someone you love constantly about someone else?”

Silence. She hadn't intended to say this but she couldn't have controlled it. She had finally reached her limit. 

Sirius looked down at the floor. He hadn't expected to hear such words from her yet he felt extremely guilty.

This was it. Her entire world came crumbling down and it was clear that whatever hope she had for salvaging their friendship was now gone. She had ruined it. 

She looked up. Sirius' gaze was still pinned to the floor. It hurt her that he wouldn't even look at her. 

She left the room slamming the door shut behind her. There were too many unanswered questions, more than before. There was confusion and then there were mixed feelings. It seemed that nothing was certain anymore. 

And in that moment her heart stopped. And she knew, her heart wouldn't start anymore, at least not for him.

[kaypeace21]

[The future of this BLOG]: SHOWS I'm planning on analyzing here & on YouTube

Interview with the vampire

Invincible

House of the dragon

The boys

Umbrella acadamy

Bridgerton probably (still haven't had time to watch part 2 yet)

stranger things: I have mixed feelings about reviewing it given what certain staff has said and done. I oscilate between wanting to review the final season or wanting to boycott it (especially as someone who has been part of the BDS movement for 1/2 her life). But, on one hand, It's not the fault of the underpaid (and talented) writers and staff who don't have these views. And I do believe some of the writing staff may have good intentions and want to give us a positive and powerful message to the audience about healing from childhood tr*uma. However, other members of the writing staff may just want to go down the stereotypical and popular-easy route. We'll just have to wait and see what happens in the last season. If I hear the ending isn't simply another re-hashing of prior seasons and it's more like s1-2 (without the cliches of s3-4). I'd be more inclined to review it by *cough* and watching it elsewhere. Once I was logged back on to tumblr: I did have a whole draft saved about my politics since I was a kid and why I still feel so strongly about such conflicts, today . But, I shouldn't make the topic about me- and I'm not sure anyone wants to hear my life story XD. So, the big point (to my followers) is regardless of whether I chose to watch it or boycot it-

I'm not deleting the old ST content: so do what you want with it (like, reblog, add details to reblogs I didn't notice). Have fun :D !

Analyzing ST certainly helped me improve in terms of media literacy (and it'll be beneficial for the future content I make). So even if it sometimes got messy here, I do appreciate all the positives the ST blog and followers brought to me.The kind words meant a lot. For those who want to unfollow me for my political beliefs , that's totally fine. That's your prerogative. For those who want to unfollow cause again ST was pretty much my whole blog: again I TOTALLY understand and I wish you the best :). I'm not going to judge, take away, or guilt anyone, for their choice of media they like. Enjoy it (I truly mean that).

For those who continue to follow my blog . I appreciate you SO MUCH! I've been gone from this blog for such a long time cause of school (and I appreciate those who stayed and were excited to see me again). The positive words meant a lot over the years. Everyone have a lovely day. Take care of yourselves.

Sincerely, Kay

ps: I'm open to other media suggestions too so you can drop them in my message box (recent films/ shows, mini/limited series, animation, heck i'm open to comedies and foreign media too).But, analyzing them will most likely be after the shows listed above .Right now I'm focusing on my national exam and my mental health. My first video will probably be in late August or early September. My test is August 20th. Hope everyone is doing well .I'm feeling much better mentally. Hope everyone is feeling the same way :)

for my 1st video I’ll just post it to youtube . But for other videos I may make a early access patreon (like a week before the next video comes out free on youtube). Have to google how all that works (or if there's better alternatives) . Totally fine if you can't afford it (you'll get to see it for free on youtube regardless :D) . I'll be honest . I'm primarily thinking of doing it cause I need to pay off those student loans and I'm trying to hopefully move out of state in a few years. Plus, I love analyzing media anyways (so making it a part time job would be a dream come true .

[yankstrash]

it isn't uncommon for hockey girlfriends to dread development camp over the summer

for a lot of girls, this it the time where their boyfriends have to join their team in another state or worse, in another country, for the teams dev camp, meaning time spent far away from them and a hectic schedule for the boys

however, if you're amelia, you look forward to this time

because dev camp for gabe is a short 20 minute drive from amelias parents house, where she spends her summer break

how perfect is that.

her week is perfectly planned out

she wakes up, with gabe beside her.

goes to dev camp, with gabe on the ice in front of her.

lays by the pool, with gabe rubbing tanning lotion on her.

and falls asleep, with gabe on top of her.

each day is like the last, and amelia wouldn't have it any other way.

her boyfriend gets to attend dev camp for his future nhl team 20 minutes away from where amelia grew up and lives over the summer

thank you rangers for drafting gabriel.

after camp ended today, gabe drove back to amelias house, where a home cooked meal made by her mom was waiting for him

he was no doubt her future son in law, and both of her parents loved gabe like he was their own, so they were more than happy to host and cater to him while he was working hard at camp

"gabe how was camp." amelias mom asks as gabe eats the dinner she prepared for the family while he was gone

amelia was about to open her mouth and ask the same question, but just like every night he's been here, her parents beat her to it.

gabe smiles, "it was good, i like my teammates a lot. we have a scrimmage tomorrow which i'm excited for."

amelias mom nods, "i heard, drews mom told me about that. i invited them over for dinner tomorrow after you boys have your scrimmage. it's been too long since we've had a family dinner with them."

amelia smiles at the mention of that

it has been too long.

not only does amelia get her boyfriend while he's at dev camp, she also gets her childhood best friend drew, whose families house is just down the street from hers

drew came over yesterday after camp to go swimming, and amelia got her fulfill of entertainment watching the two boys push each other into the pool and argue over whose team is going to win in the scrimmage

amelia reaches her hand over and drags her nails up and down gabes back in a soothing manner as he eats

"just don't get too buddy buddy with your ranger teammates and decide you'd rather be with them than in boston for another year with me." she jokes, only a hint of seriousness in her voice

gabe smiles over at her, shaking his head

"you know that's not happening, baby. my mind has been made up even before i got to bc last august."

amelia nods, knowing he's right

gabe has always known he wants to play at least 2 years of college before going pro

even if he wanted to leave now, it's no guarantee he would even make the rangers roster, so why rush anything

she nods, "i know i know, just saying.."

"that's right gabriel, stay put. spare me a few more years before i have to see my daughter in a rangers jersey, please." amelias dad says as he walks into the kitchen, giving gabe a pat on the shoulder

"dad." amelia gives him a look, but he and gabe just laugh

"what? it'a a valid point."

gabe looks at his girlfriend and shrugs, "it is."

"it's not. but if it will keep him in boston, then sure. spare him, gabriel."

her dad smiles, patting gabe again, "all good, the isles got eiserman in the draft. we'll be fine."

amelia grins at the mention of his name knowing what gabes current facial expression is

and she's right as she eyes her boyfriend at the exact moment he's rolling his eyes and shaking his head

"god bless cole eiserman, dad."

"no. not god bless cole amelia stealing eiserman."

amelia laughs at gabes complaints

eisy is her little munchkin, and gabe hates the ginormous crush he has on her, even though it's the most harmless crush ever

he really only flirts with meels to annoy gabe, and it works everytime

"you really let that kid get under your skin, babe." amelia says, rubbing gabes arm

he groans and rolls his eyes, "he's a shit."

"he's a kid. my kid."

"he's our rival."

"you love him."

"no.. sometimes. on occasion."

~

gabe and amelia laid in bed that night while he let out his anxious thoughts about tomorrows scrimmage

"i don't even know why i'm so nervous, it's not like i'm trying to make the team this year. but still... next year. or the year after." he says as he buries his head in amelias neck "i just hope they still think i'm as good as when they drafted me."

amelia chuckles lightly, rubbing her boyfriends back and playing with his hair

"baby, if anything they're going to think you're better than when they drafted you. you took a huge leap your first year at bc and it definitely did not go unnoticed by them, trust me."

"i don't know.. i didn't even make top 10 for hobey finalists."

"well you and i both know that was a load of crap that you didn't, and i'm sure they do too. and who cares. that shouldn't have an impact on what they think of you."

"it matters."

"not that much."

"meels."

"gabriel.. go to sleep. you have a big day tomorrow."

like always, gabe listens to his girlfriend.

like always.

~

the next day, amelia sat with her mom and dad along with drews family at the scrimmage

it was like she was back in grade school watching her best friends hockey games with both of their families in the stands

only now, she got to watch her best friend and her boyfriend

what a lucky, lucky girl.

"mee mee do you have your drew fat head ready for this season?!" drews mom leans over and asks

amelias cheeks redden at the memory of her bringing a gigantic drew fathead to his games when they were younger

"oh we kept that, it's tucked away somewhere. i'll have to dig it out." amelias mom says with a huge smile

"orrrr it can stay tucked away." amelia says

"no no, i think it needs to be brought out, and a gabe one needs to be made too. we need all the encouragement we can get this season as the boys make a second run for a natty."

sometimes, the mention of the natty still makes amelias chest ache. while it's a distant memory at this point, amelia still can't seem to shake the look on her boyfriends face when she saw him after their loss to denver.

she had never seen him look so defeated

he had never been so defeated since meeting her

the closest he had been was when bc lost to bu in the beanpot, but even the look on his face after that game didn't pale in comparison to the look on his face after they lost the national championship

it was hard for her to see, and still hard for her to think about, but the boys are loaded and ready for a second shot at it this year, even with the losses the team took since the season ended

at the thought of that, amelia snaps a pic of the rink and sends it to her buddy smitty

from: meels

"the two knuckleheads are on opposing teams." she writes after the picture

he replies in seconds

from: smitty

"oh boy... what does the loser get?"

from: meels

"kicked into the pool later and an embarrassing story told about them at dinner."

from: smitty:

"yikes... sad i'm missing it. miss them and you."

from: meels

"miss you nerd. how was your dev camp?"

from: smitty

"a lot of fun, actually. i'm excited for this year."

from: meels

"good. i'll send you another pic at the natty."

from: smitty

"i will be there watching, dw."

from: meels

"too bad you won't be playing when they win."

from: smitty

"hardy har har. maybe i'll coach."

from: meels

"no thanks, we wanna win."

from: smitty

"🗿. i do not miss you."

from: meels

"ditto, loser... ❤️"

~

the scrimmage ended with gabes team winning, earning him bragging rights over drew

once the boys were showered and changed, everybody went back to amelias house and had dinner

after dinner they all had a fire outside

amelia sat comfortably in gabes lap, snuggled under a blanket and swallowed up by his hoodie

"less than a month left until she leaves us again." amelias mom looks over at meels and pouts her bottom lip "the summer is flying by."

amelia can't help but grin to herself at the mention of going back to school soon

she adores her parents and loves being home, but she is so excited to be back at school in boston with all of her friends and her boyfriend

if sophomore year is anything like freshman year, she's in for round two of one hell of a good time

soon, they will all be back together at bc

minus a few, but she is still so excited

amelia rolls her eyes playfully, "mom, i'm only a few hours away."

"i know i know.. and you love boston. i'm so glad you feel at home there."

amelia smiles, then directs the smile up at her boyfriend

"i do." she says barely above a whisper

gabe smiles back, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her lips then one on her forehead

"can't wait for a whole nother year of this." he whispers to her

"me too... and lucky me getting to have you so close to me during this week in the summer too."

"aren't you a lucky girl, amelia grace."

"i am."

[lyramundana]

Hello! Your request of Bang Chan being jealous/controlling is set to be written in August.

But since we are both a lover of soft smut, can I pls request inexperienced reader with Chan? Just something comforting and sweet.

Thank you :)

I'm incredibly, tremendously sorry for the long waiting. I'm the queen of procrastinating and I had zero ideas of how to proceed with this one, but mostly it was procrastinating. I'm not confident on writing soft smut scenes, but I'll try my best here:

Again, sorry for the waiting, and I hope this turned out decently. It's been on my drafts for a long while, but I never found the headspace to finish it:

When you were first starting to get to know Christopher, it was obvious he was experienced in that field, which made you slightly insecure about your own lack of it and it worried you that he might had find you less desirable.

Surprisingly, not only he was very understanding and sweet about it, but he seemed to want you even more.

He gladly took over everything. If you weren't sure, he guided you through it with his gentle voice and safe hands. Needless to say, your first time with him was mindblowing and better than you could've ever imagined. In fact, you enjoyed it so much that you felt yourself growing addicted to it.

You never thought you could grow so needy and horny for a man, and it made you feel a bit embarrassed sometimes, but he made clear how much he loved it.

You come home after an awful day. Everything seemed to go the opposite way of what you wanted, and added to the sexual frustration you are already carrying, you are beyond stressed. Your boyfriend is there, waiting for you to arrive, and as soon as he notices your mood, he hops you in his arms to comfort you.

-Hey, babygirl. What happened? Do I need to beat up someone? -he caressed your hair, kissing your forehead as he spoke in his gentle, loving voice. You felt yourself melt in his arms and the stress slowly leaving you.

-Just a bad day, that's all. I'm so sick of everything. -you murmur with your face buried in his shirt, and you happened to feel his strong pecks right under it.

Your skin feels hotter and it has nothing to do with the weather.

He rubbed your back, soothingly.

-You know what, baby? How about we take a long, warm bath and you try to relax? And maybe you can tell me about your day -he said as he left a kiss on the top of your head.

You stilted in his arms, lookin up with big doe eyes. A bath sounded great indeed...until you realized he intended to take it with you.

You would die.

And that's how minutes later, you found yourself buried in the warm water that reached your shoulders, with Chris' chest against your back and his arms surrounding your torso. Sometimes, his fingers draw circles on your sides and it drove you mad. How long has it been since your last intimate time together, after all? Weeks? A month?

-Try to relax, baby. I can see the steam coming out of your ears -he spoke against your temple. - You've been tense since I hugged you. Is it something I did?

-No, love. It's not about you. - well, partially yes, but it wasn't the main problem. - Its just..it feels like i'm doomed. No matter how hard I try or how much I improve myself, things go the opposite of how I want them to. I know i'm trying my best, but it doesn't feel enough. -you choked halfway through the words and you sniffed back your tears.

Your boyfriend was in silence for a bit. He pulled you closer to him as he noticed the strain in your voice.

-Oh, baby, it's okay. I understand what it's like, i've been there too. -he laid his head on top of yours, sighing. - It's fucking frustrating, I know, but we have to accept that, sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard we work, some stuff are out of our control and there are things we can't prevent. You're human, love, so you have limits. Don't be so harsh on yourself. -he kissed your neck- for what it's worth, you're more than enough in my eyes. You're perfect.

Your heart was melting as he said that, wanting to cry again but this time out of love. You can't know what you did to deserve for this man to devote himself to you, but you hope it lasts forever.

-I missed being with you like this - you muttered, looking up to him to kiss the corner of his mouth. He smiled and then kissed your lips, sucking your lower lip teasingly. You whined. - Don't do this to me, Christopher, or else..

-Or else what? Tell me, babygirl - he said with an annoyingly sexy grin. His hands descended slowly down to your hips, fingers brushing your inner thighs at times.

You gasped, grabbing his hands to stop them.

-Chris, please..

-What was the last time you had an orgasm, sweet thing? -your grip did nothing to him, as he continued tracing lines inside your thighs, now with his lips brushing your neck.

-I..dont't recall. Last month, I think? I don't know! -you cried as he started to drift closer to your core.

-Oh? You haven't been taking care of yourself, you mean? You know I don't like that, babe -he sounded serious now, pinching your skin to make your squeal.

-I know, it's just...-shit, you couldn't believe you were gonna say it. - I can't...only you can make me feel good. I don't know how do it without you!

His motions stopped suddenly and you whined at the loss. Before you could protest, he turned your whole body until you were facing him, sitting directly in his lap. You felt how hard he was and the words died in your throat.

-Fuck, baby, you can't say that shit to me like it's nothing. - he lunged at your neck and bite the skin harshly, making you moan as he left a mark. -You're so good for me. My good girl, who can't even pleasure herself without my help. You need me, don't you?

You struggled to find your voice with the sudden change of events.

-Y-yes -you gasped when his head brushed your clit. - I don't know-fuck-what to do without you.

His expression softened for a moment, right before acquiring a calculating gaze in his eyes.

-I hate it when you neglect yourself, pretty, but I understand you couldn't help it. I fuck you so good your little hand just can't compare, right? - he closed his eyes as he kept grinding your hips against his. -And you've been busy lately, haven't you? Poor baby must been so stressed. -he took your nipple in his mouth, licking and twirling it in his tongue, making you whimper and grip his shoulders. -You deserve a reward

You gulped. Last time he said you ended up cumming five times in a row, shaking in his sheets and under his mercy.

He raised your hips, lowering you slowly down his raging cock. You sighed at the sensation, throwing your head back. You felt so deliciously full. God, you've missed him so much, missed this. He let out a hiss once he was fully inside you, burying his face in your shoulders and nibbling the skin. When he attempted to roll your hips unto his, you whined and stopped him.

-Shit, Chris, give me a second. You're so big. - you wrapped his neck with your arms and laid your forehead against his, letting him feel your heavy breath.

-My size hasn't changed, baby, but maybe your pussy has forgotten about me. -he chuckled, caressing your cheek. - Guess we'll have to fix that.

You clenched around his lenght with those words and he groaned.

-Please, do. -you begged him, hiding your face in his neck out, flustered. -Fuck the stress away, Daddy. Fuck me until I can't think anymore.

He tensed under you. Holy shit, he was a breath away of wrecking you until you were crying out loud, but had to remind himself this was about you, about making you feel better. He closed his eyes forcefully, taking a deep breath to not fall for his instincts.

-Say less, my love. Let Daddy take care of everything, mm? -his vouce sounded deeper now, tender.

He gripped your hips and began to guide you up and down his lenght. It was a slow, steady pace, but it got you moaning in his chest at the so craved friction. His teeth traced your neck softly, leaving purple marks as he pulled your hair to make more room for his mouth. His hands lowered down to your ass cheeks, squeezing them as he thrusted into you.

You began to bounce unconsciously against him, doing your best to keep up with him. You moaned as his hips shifted and found another angle to hit you deeper, making you tremble in his hold. God, he made you feel so good, your eyes growing glassy.

His movements haltered once he heard you sniff.

-Babygirl? What is it? Want to stop? - you panicked and kept grinding against him.

-No! Don't stop, please - tears flowed your vision. You hugged him tightly, sniffing in his neck. - It's just..you don't know know much I missed this. I haven't stopped aching for you since the last time, but I didn't know how to tell without sounding desesperate and I.. - he silenced with your his lips, swallowing your next words. He bit your lower lip gently and pulled a bit before letting you go.

-My pretty, perfect baby, what did I do to deserve you? -he covered your face in kisses as he fastened his thrusts, making you whimper in surprise and pleasure. - You couldn't ever sound desesperate to me. I'll drop anything to give you what you need, so please, don't refrain yourself like that. -he toyed with your nipples again, making you moan loudly. - I'm here for you, princess. It's my job and biggest joy to give you what you want. -he groaned as you clenched around him again. - Now, let's fuck the stres out of you.

You went on like this for a while, with a quick but gentle pace. Your sounds of pleasure filling the room, for whoever happened to hear them. You needed this more than him, this relief and comfort only he could give you. His words encouraged you to just take what you needed.

The knot started to form in your stomach and you still reacted like the first time, eyes wide open and body tense as you took in the incredible sensation. Like he could feel it, his fingers drifted to your clit and began to rub it expertly, helping you chase your high. He felt his own climax come at him violently as he watched the addicting sight of you cumming with a high-pitched scream for him, because of him.

His other hand pulled your face closer by the neck and smashed your lips together, swallowing your beautiful moans as he kept thrusting his hips up roughly. You clenched again and he had to throw his back at the feeling, a deep moan escaping his lips.

-Fuck fuck FUCK! - he pressed his forehead in the conjucture of your neck. You whimpered as you felt his warm seed filling you, and he grabbed your hips with an iron vice grip, moving you to milk out the last drop of his climax - Take it, babygirl, fucking take it.

You rolled your eyes and let yourself fall entirely unto his hold. With a deep breath, he adjusted his position and laid his head back on the bathub wall. He massaged your back and left you occasional kisses on your face, his softening dick tupped inside you, preventing his cum from leaking out.

You basked in the silence for a few minutes, your breathing eventually going back to normal. Your head felt all mushy and your body completely relaxed. Everything was good, the world set itself right back again.

You stood there until the water grew cold, you growing sleepy with his cuddles and him watching you with a soft smile, pure and raw love sparkling in your eyes.

[psychologeek]

Epilogue

So. This happened.

The day I feared and longed for has come.

I posted the last chapter of "Some of Them (want you)"

Feel free to comment, ask, or make any "based on" fanwork (just send me a link, and link back to my fic.)

Thank you to all those who've been there through the journey, or just stopped by. For everyone who left a comment.

Special thanks to @byrambles for the original fanfic that inspired me. You are a great writer, friend, and I'm always exited to see a note about any of your new works :)

In case you haven't seen my pinned post, This Whumptober I'm opening my Ask box for requests and prompts! What do that mean? Well, have you ever wanted to read more about something? This might be your lucky day.

Here's part of the endnotes:

My main thoughts, as I started writing this fic, were "I need to talk about Dami's suicide". I refused to let it be, or mistaken as actual death. It's been a a draft in my docs since August 2023, as I wrote "Sweet Dreams". Eventually, the things I wrote - the things I NEEDED to (hear) tell - are in chapter 14. (you aren't a failure. You succeeded to survive.

It's not a bad thing.) ~ I didn't think I'll get so deep into trauma and suicidality in this fic. Especially not child suicidality.

In fact, I rewrote chapter 15 several times, to keep out the harder topics. But then I realised that, actually- (No one ever talks about it. ) We should talk about it. (Because it's there, and it's hard, and it's consuming). And so the whole situation with young!Damian. As I realised that, despite all differences, Dami and Damian do share some experience and major characteristics: their sense of honour, responsibility, violent upbringing. They both care deeply, but only those they consider "mine". They are very different, yes, but they both lacked stability and had lost their main caretaker more then once. They both had to grow up too fast. Taking more then they can handle.) They both experienced things no child should. (And I know it. I know how it feels. Sure, "they had worse". But suffering is subjective. Suffering doesn't care about others. You can't banish pain by telling someone "others have it worse! How dare you complain?"). And I thought - Dami had first tried to kill himself when he was 10, because he felt like there's no hope. That this was the only escape. Damian is 10/11. And he feels like a burden. (Suicide is one of the 3 leading causes of death in ages 7-24). Sure, it's different. But being a child is HARD. Adults usually don't think about it. When I was a teen, so many told me "this is the best time of my life" (If this is the best," I thought, "I don't want to see the rest of it". They lied, dear reader. My 20s are better, and so will be my 30s and 40s. I have silver hairs growing, and they reflect the lights when I look in the mirror. I have a crack by my lip and the start of crow legs by my eyes, that reminds me that I do laugh. I do smile. That things DO get better.)   The world is hard and chaotic, and trying to make sense out of it is demanding, frustrating, consuming job. We do it, slowly. It just takes time. ~ Dami had Alfred. Damian.... Doesn't even have Richard now. (And feeling lonely or isolated is a risk factor. Major life changes is a risk factor. Death of a loved one is a risk factor. Feeling like a burden is a risk factor. Damian had been screaming for help for a long time, in the only way he knows. He deserves to be heard.) ~ On a personal note: This fic (and series) had been a big part of my life in the last year. This brought me some stability and escapism in the hard times we've gone through (that are still happening). The writing process had been complicated and funny, hard and delightful, torture and pleasure. Thank you, reader, for taking the time to read it. Thank you for those who stayed here, who waited every week for a chapter (and waited patiently during The Big Crisis). Thank you for those who just found it, and might have read it in a single day. (Now go get some water!) Thank you, reader, for being here. I hope you enjoyed. (And good night, Dreamers. Good night.)

[dilemmaontwolegs]

A Gentle Touch

Death of the Endless x f!reader Summary: From birth you were able to sense when Death was near and never feared her visits. When she comes to take you to the sunless lands you find the attraction is not one way. Warnings: 18+ only, NSFW, death, nudity, kissing WC: 2.7k

AN: this has been in my drafts since August last year so it's about time I posted it.

The first time you met Death, you hadn’t even taken your first breath. Her warm hands had held you as your mother took her last shuddering breath and the monitors erupted into blaring alarms. You couldn’t remember feeling afraid, you had only felt comfort as she placed you into your mothers arms. 

“She’s so small,” your mother said as she brushed a loving kiss over your forehead. “Are you sure she has to come?”

Death brushed a hand over your head, an apology forming on her lips when she froze. She looked behind her, to the resuscitators desperately trying to revive the baby, your body, and she felt a tug of her power that was connected to the thread of life. 

Death took you back in her arms and wove between the operating room full of surgeons and nurses. “That will be up to her.”

Her presence remained imprinted on your soul as she placed you back in your body and the monitors jumped into rhythm.

The soft whisper of a voice from the mother you would never meet reached you as you opened your eyes. “Thank you, Death. I’m ready now.”

35 Years Later You couldn’t see her but you could feel her. 

Every time you felt her presence it was like a warm hand on your shoulder and you knew someone’s life was coming to an end. Closing the file of your current patient, you excused yourself and followed the sense you had been born with. 

Down the floors you went, an invisible thread leaving a trail for you to follow until you found yourself in the busy entrance to the Emergency Department. There were so many threads weaving a tapestry you would never have the Sight to see but one thread was fraying and you aimed for that one.

“Y-you’re gonna be fine,” a woman sobbed as she held a man’s hand, their wedding bands golden amongst the blood that covered them. “I love you so much.”

You nodded to the nurse as you stepped inside but she just shook her head sadly and left with the biohazard bags of blood soaked cloth and gauze. The man was pale, his breathing forced through the tube in his throat, and the monitor showing an erratic heartbeat. 

You knelt beside his wife and took her hand that held a balled up tissue within. “I’m sorry but it’s time to say goodbye.”

“No, no, no, please, he was a good, strong man, he can get through this. There has to be more you can do,” she begged, her grip crushing your hand. 

“He will get through this,” you nodded, rising to your feet and pulling her up. “It’s time for you to say goodbye.”

Her eyes widened with relief and fear as she looked over to her husband and reached to place a tender kiss on his forehead with the promise to wait for him on the other side. Tears burned your eyes at the undying love she held for him and you caught her as her heart gave out, softly lowering her to the floor.

“I hope you find him again,” you whispered as you closed her eyes. The warmth at your shoulder flared and the sound of wings stirring the air filled the room before fading back to the steady beep of the machines. “Thank you, Death.”

Reaching up you hit the staff call button and slipped from the room.

–

The rumours were a constant whisper wherever you went. You could never stay in one hospital for too long before they began. Doctor Death - that was what they called you. Where you went, Death followed. If only they knew the truth. 

You did your best to ignore the hurtful words but sometimes it was too much and you found yourself questioning why you had been given this gift, why couldn’t it have been someone else. It was one of those days. 

The fraying thread of life you followed made you ill, it was pulling you to the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit. There was never an easy way to ask parents to say goodbye to their child, or to tell a child that their time, the little time they got, was over. It had you wishing you could ignore the pull but doing that seemed to make things worse. 

The final moment was more peaceful when the person had the ability to say their goodbyes. It settled the soul for the impending departure. That didn’t make it any less sad. 

You stepped into the room and found it empty, save for the small babe in a sterile hospital bassinet. The chart was still open on the table beside it and you flipped to the front to find the name and contact details for the parents but found none. 

“Jane Doe,” you sighed and closed the file. “Well, little one, at least we have each other.”

You lifted her from the swaddle and cradled her to your chest. You had loved working in the children’s ward, seeing their resilience and happiness despite what their bodies were going through. You had spent many of your nights off camped in the staffroom, ready to be the only comfort some of them had in their final moments - a warm hand, a gentle touch. 

The babe started to stir and her lips parted with a feeble cry as you began to rock her, humming a lullaby you had heard other mothers sing to their children. 

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, little one,” you cooed. “Death is one of the sweetest beings there is.”

“Aww, thanks,” a familiar voice said behind you, the voice that had spoken to you once but you had remembered it all these years. 

You turned with a smile to greet her, “Hello again, Death.”

“Hello,” she smiled back and knelt beside you, running hand over the baby’s head of fluffy, soft hair. “And who is this?”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Shouldn’t you know who you are here for?”

She stared at you a moment with full lips that turned down. “I know.”

“Oh,” you gasped softly and looked down at the babe. “Looks like I followed the wrong thread. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

You bundled her back into her swaddle and wrapped her up snug and warm. 

“I thought you might not want to be alone,” Death said as she looked at the file, tracing her fingers over the generic name. “She was just like you - orphaned so young in life. Do you regret returning?”

You thought about what the path might have been if you had let your soul rest in Death’s embrace, if you had gone with your mother. It may not have hurt as much as living did but to you it was worth all of it. It was worth all the whispers and the fear from others when you walked around the hospital. It was worth it because in the end, the people you visited needed you.

“No,” you said as you looked at the baby once again sleeping peacefully. “It was a wonderful life.”

Death smiled with relief and she held her hand out to you. “Good. Are you ready?”

You looked around the cold, sterile room once more before nodding. “Yeah, I am.”

You placed your hand in hers, the warmth of her palm spreading across yours and calm serenity washed over you as you shed the physical form. You looked as if you could be sleeping, your head resting on your arm in the chair beside the bassinet - the nurses must have caught you sleeping like that countless times. 

“So what now?” you asked as she faced you, chewing on her bottom lip in contemplation.

“I, um, would usually take you to wherever afterlife you believed you should go to.” She gripped your hand tighter as if she were afraid to lose you. “But I must admit I’m finding it difficult to bear the thought of leaving you.” She looked down the empty hall and at the dim lights that were on their night setting. “I watched you comforting these people when I visited, this was your realm.”

“I know,” you said with a smile, gently squeezing her hand in return. “I could feel you.”

Death smiled and tucked away the great big black wings that filled the space behind her. “Would you like to see my realm?”

You nodded eagerly, not ready to part from her company. “What is it like?”

Death looked faraway, seeing beyond the white walls of the hospital corridor, a small sad smile playing on her lips. “It’s beautiful, but lonely. I don’t get a lot of visitors anymore, not even from my siblings.”

“You have siblings?” 

The walls of the hospital faded away and you found yourself in a busy street in the short time it took her to answer, “Six in fact. They all have a purpose of their own, so it is difficult to find time to see each other.”

“Then I will be your company until you tire of me,” you promised.

The scenery faded away again and the hem of your pants were dusted with bright colours of the flowers growing in the wide open field you were suddenly walking in. The skies were a blue like you had never seen before, more vibrant than the pale skies you had left behind, and the air was fragrant with the flowers that were in full bloom under the bright sun. 

A feeling you had never felt before settled within and you turned to Death, her stygian wings shimmering in the sunlight like onyx. “Home,” you whispered with awe. “This place feels like home.”

Her smile widened and she took your shoulders to turn you around. A small cottage covered sat in the field with overflowing garden beds neatly lined up to make a natural path to the front door. Large open windows welcomed the sunlight and the sheer curtains billowed gently in the breeze.

You felt Death’s lips move as she rested her chin on your shoulder and wrapped her arms around your waist. “This is home.”

You were lost for words at both the simplistic beauty of the cottage and the warmth radiating over your skin at her touch. “Thank you,” you managed to say after swallowing the lump of emotion that had caught in your throat and turning in her arms. “I’ve never had a home before.”

Death smiled softly and your eyes darted to her full lips as they curled up, wondering how they would feel against yours. She caught the lingering stare and her smile grew as she reached to cup your face in her hands, her thumbs brushing over your cheeks.

“This has always been your home,” she said before closing the distance and brushing her lips ever so softly across yours. The teasing touch was enticing and left you wanting more so you looped your arms around her neck and let her pull you flush against her to deepen the kiss. It was only when you broke away with a gasp that you realised you still needed to breathe and she giggled at your confusion. “You are outside the mortal realm, and very much alive here.”

Your fingers entwined with hers as she led the way along the path to the welcoming cottage and you pondered your new life. “Does that mean I will still grow old?” 

“No, honey, you will stay beautiful like this forever,” she said as she opened the door to reveal the light and airy space beyond. “Take a look around while I run a quick errand.”

“Death works overtime?” you teased as you still felt a small tug at the threat of life like you had on earth.

“It is a 24 hour job, but it’s worth it,” she admitted as she stepped outside and spread her wings. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

You watched her fade away with the echo of her wingbeats and missed the warmth that came from being in her presence almost immediately. Deciding to distract yourself, you ventured through the home that was far larger than it appeared from the outside. 

The master bedroom took your breath away with familiarity. It was exactly as you had once dreamed of when you longed for a home as a child and you wondered how she knew about it. You planned to ask her when she returned. 

Stepping out of the bedroom and into the adjoining room that was a wardrobe, you ran your fingers over the pairs of black jeans on clothes hangers and then black singlets exactly like she had been wearing earlier. For someone with such a bright personality she only had black clothes, even the silk bonnets on a shelf were black. It was a stark difference to the other half of the wardrobe that was filled with colourful clothes like you had worn on earth. 

“I thought you would have been in the bathing room.”

You jumped like you had been caught doing something illegal and shoved her silk bonnet you had been holding back on the shelf with the others before spinning around to see her grinning. 

“Come, I think you will like it,” Death invited, with her hand outstretched for you as if she had missed you in the minutes she was gone. You were as eager to feel her touch again and strode across the room to take it before she led the way to the other door that branched off the bedroom. 

The ceiling disappeared above and you could see the blue skies once more through the glass dome that covered the bathing room. Where the front of the house sat in a meadow of flowers, the back was a cliff that rose above the ocean and the huge stone bathing pool sat at the edge with steam gently rising from the still waters. 

“This is unreal,” you murmured as you dipped your toes in the warm water and watched the ripple spread across the surface and send a small drop overflowing the lip to cascade to the ocean far below. Unable to resist, you shrugged off the labcoat you still wore before pulling your shirt over your head and kicking off your pants. “Care to join me?” you asked as you stepped into the water and found Death watching with a hunger in her eyes. 

Your heart skipped a beat as she bent down to unlace her boots and kick them aside and she locked eyes with you as she unbuckled her belt and popped the button on her jeans. Your body began to tremble in anticipation as she pushed the material down the length of her legs and you almost forgot to breathe as the water seemed to reach boiling point.

The fierce intensity of the attraction was unlike anything you had experienced before and you were certain that nothing could ever compare to it again as she stepped into the water. “You are gorgeous, Death,” you breathed as you watched her hips sway with each step deeper into the pool.

“Teleute,” she said as she reached you. “It is a name very few call me, but I would like to hear it from you.”

“Teleute,” you tested her name on your lips and smiled at the privilege. You curled your arms around her waist and pulled her closer, pressing your skin to hers and sighed at the suppleness of her breasts. “Thank you.”

There was no need for words as she conveyed how welcome you were with a kiss, back you further into the pool until your back pressed against the edge and she pushed you into the seat that lined the wall. Your hands settled on her hips as she straddled your legs and she moaned as her lips parted to give you more access. 

“I have lived an eternity and thought I had experienced all life had to offer,” she murmured against your lips while her worshipping hands roamed your body, “but this is new to me. There is a pull.”

You understood what she meant deep in your soul, or whatever it was that kept you alive in this realm. “Like a magnet, I have always known when you were near.”

She pressed her forehead to yours. “And now I will never be far away.”

[fieldsofview]

Spider-Man: Homesickness UPDATE

The following text is copied from my AO3

Hey, y'all. This is going to be a long and rambling life update for a moment. TLDR: The epilogue won't be posted until mid/late August, but it is coming. Keep reading if you're so interested in the *why*, otherwise, I'll see you then.

I know that, until now, I've been very consistent in keeping updates on time. And I know it's likely frustrating for you all to have to wait for the epilogue, and for that I apologize. It's coming, I promise. I just want to make sure I do it justice and do my best, and my life has not allowed for that right now. My personal life has been kind of a wreck these last few weeks. To start, I had a long stretch of time where I was covering extra shifts for my coworker who was in the hospital, which meant a lot of doubles (My usual 4PM-midnight followed by the midnight-8AM shift, with only a few hours after to go home and sleep before doing it all over again.) This is when I was drafting the previous chapter, and I did do my best to keep working on all of this but I was drastically limited in the time I had. During and following all of this, my cat, Aya, got very sick very fast. Within about 2 weeks, she went from being a perfectly healthy 5-year-old cat at her yearly physical exam, to having such extreme symptoms from a mystery illness that she was interned in a specialty Vet clinic's ICU for several days, needing a feeding tube, intravenous medication, and 24-hour care. Ultimately, despite the thousands of dollars I spent, four different veterinarians, and countless tests, no one could figure out what was wrong with her. She has since passed and her ashes should hopefully return to me within the week. Because of the timing of it all, just a few days later I left for a trip out of state to visit my elderly grandparents for their 85th birthday celebration with my extended family (There are nearly 40 of us) that I could not reschedule or miss, and I've been there for the last week. It's a 18-hour journey each way and I've spent most of the trip assisting my father with care of my younger brother or assisting my cousin with her three kids under 5. I've had no time for writing whatsoever. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone grieve the loss of my cat who I have had since she was a tiny kitten and who passed so suddenly and so violently that it has stuck with me in a way that previous pet deaths have never done. Her sister and her were so closely bonded and it's been heartbreaking to see her so confused as to why Aya has never come home. And now I've had to leave her with my roommates while I'm gone and she's been acting skittish and scared around them in a way she never has before. I only hope when I return in a few days she'll forgive me. I haven't started writing the epilogue yet. As many of you pointed out in the comments here and on my Tumblr (that I truly haven't had the capacity to respond to), the last chapter did not quite feel right or sit in the way you wanted. I stand by the events of the chapter, but because it was basically my rough draft with almost no editing, it's lacking the subtlety and nuance it deserves, and it's missing some details it should have had. I love this fic with all my heart and I want it to be a project I can finish and leave in a way that I am proud of. So, I will be spending the next few weeks taking the time I need for myself, and then I will be spending the time to make any edits to the entire story that I feel are necessary for it to be its best. Once that's done, I'll publish the epilogue. A version that is final and that I can be proud of, whether or not anyone else likes it. Because I know the last chapter was not my best work, it's been hard to sit with those comments and accept them, despite knowing the circumstances surrounding them. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this project, and thank you for your patience as I make sure this is the best it can be. My hope is that I can post the epilogue in about one month, as I approach the year mark from when I first started drafting this fic, but I will take it day by day to ensure it's the best it will be. I will delete this "chapter" once the epilogue is posted. 

[suzyq31]

Found Update and Note

I updated Found with the last bit of writing I did on this story. I've also included a note that I'll copy at the bottom of this post. The image below is from one of the films that has inspired me (Aftersun, cannot recommend it enough, but be prepared to sob). So this story is now officerly on hiatus, and I have no plans to share publicly moving forward. If we are mutuals on here, please don't fret. I'll find a way to share with you when it's done ❤️

Hi,

I’ve been posting a note with my updates. If you’ve missed it, you can read it here. This update and this note are a little different.

Back in August a reader reached out to me on tumblr and shared some of what was being said about this story on discord. Since then I’ve done my best to ignore the queasy feeling whenever I update. Sharing your work can feel daunting, especially when you know that people are waiting to find plot holes, criticize your character's choices to the point of making fun of it etc. There’s no joy when you have that hanging over your head. I started this story solely for my own enjoyment, and to challenge myself, and I miss that.

I want to listen to my gut feeling—which is that I won’t finish this story unless I take it back for myself. And I really want to finish it. I’ve watched some amazing films recently with 11 year old protagonists, and it’s stirred up my desire to reconnect with this story. But in order to do this I have to pull back from sharing, which is why I have decided I won’t be continuing on Ao3. I didn't want to just leave a note, which is why I have included the first half of Chapter 18, the rest is still in draft form as I've lost all momentum and the negativity just made me doubt every choice/idea.

I’m aware that there are far more lovely readers than those who like to tear apart others' work in public spaces, which is why I wanted to take my time with this decision. Also it’s not about punishing anyone and I don’t want this to come across as being done in anger. There are more important causes to focus that energy on. Instead this is about being honest. Words shared in those spaces do impact writers, and from what I’ve been hearing from readers, it affects them too. I don’t have power over how people choose to show up and engage in this fandom. What I can control is my own actions and decisions. I’m working hard on trusting myself more, now and in the future. So I give myself grace if future me ever feels differently, I trust her. For now, this is what feels right.

For those readers I've connected with over the years, I hope that I’ll find a way to share this privately whenever it’s done, even if it’s missing some scenes and not as polished as I normally aim for. I have as much desire to start a discord group, as I do having my soul sucked out by a dementor, so I really haven’t come up with a solution on how to share this other than maybe through DMs at some point in the (likely far) future.

Alright, this is kind of a bummer of a post, and I’m sorry to let anyone down. But I’m no longer prioritizing other people’s feelings over my own needs. Something that is hard when you’ve been a lifelong people pleaser.

I hope this can leave on a more positive note. If you want fandom to feel like a kinder place, make it one! The smallest step but also the most meaningful is commenting on more stories. Especially if they don’t have many comments, or if it’s an author’s first story and you want to encourage them. I know it would probably make their day. I’ll link the Harmony Directory as there are so many great stories to choose from.

All the best, Suzy

[natsubeatsrock]

I'm Still Thinking About Juvia After All These Years

[EIGHT] years.

It's been [EIGHT] years since I've posted My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts on Juvia. This series was the start of me growing more out of my shell in blogging and helping me develop as a writer.

I decided it would be fun to go through the subjects of each post and talk about them, especially in relation to my past post. And what a one to start with.

Over the years, I have changed my opinion over a number of characters and subjects. You'd think that Juvia wouldn't be one of those characters. For all I've said about Juvia and Gruvia especially in recent years, you'd think I'd have similar views on both to when I started making these posts.

And that's not too far off.

Yeah, crazy to think that I'm probably more against the ship than when I wrote the original post. When I wrote that post, I was just on the verge of disliking the ship. Now, I'm absolutely not in favor of the ship.

About the only thing that makes this not as hard for me as it probably should be is the obvious. Gruvia is an inevitability at this point. With every chapter in the sequel, this truth becomes more and more clear to all of us.

Though, as I've said before, this is one of my least favorite things about the sequel. This isn't just about the inevitability of the ship. It feels like Mashima is inventing ways to put Juvia in the story where she doesn't belong. Like we're in the middle of an arc where Sabertooth is here even though they don't belong there... after an arc where Gajeel and Laxus were part of the story even though they didn't belong there. And I feel like we've seen too much of Juvia in this sequel.

If anything has changed in the recent years regarding Juvia, I have a bit of an appreciation of her as a character. Working on two different posts helped in this regard.

The first, incidentally, was yet another attempt to talk about Juvia in the rewrite. (Don't ask, I'll get back on it.) I really struggled to figure out how to write about Juvia without giving a lot of focus on Juvia. Though, in the process, I think I came up with a good way to think of Juvia's arc: coming to better understand love during her time in the guild.

The second might not be one you'd expect. About a year after that post, I made a post defending Izuocha from the claim of being one-sided. In thinking through that post, I said that I wouldn't consider Ochako to be considerably worse than Juvia over Deku. Though, I also said that my view on Juvia became better over the years.

Overall, I appreciate that Juvia's development being centered around Gray isn't technically unique. I've made a number of comparisons in this respect over the years. My favorite character in this series is Natsu and my favorite thing about him is his connection to Igneel. Surely, I can appreciate that aspect in Juvia.

I like a lot of other things about Juvia. Water is one of my favorite magic elements. Juvia's ability to use it is hilariously impressive and probably the best I know. If you took Juvia and plopped her into a different series, where Gray doesn't exist, she'd probably be my favorite character in that series.

You might remember that Navia (the ship with her and Juvia) is my third favorite ship with Natsu in it. Of that trio of top Natsu ships, that's probably the ship that I like both characters the most. I just barely put Nali above it, considering how much I've done with Lisanna over the years. (Can't wait to do revisit that one.)

One last thing to talk about: the death. I can't help myself. (read: I'm literally drafting a post in Tumblr the day I plan to post it for the first time in years just to keep this trend going.)

For those who don't know, the original post came out on August 31st. I made (techincally, I repeated) a prediction then that Juvia was going to die. At the time, it was based on a faulty understanding of Rave and an awkwardly prophetic reading of the chapter the week before. That was chapter 453, which was where Juvia and Gray talk about the future after Lucy mentions death flags.

One year to the day, I made a number of reactions to chapter 499. The chapter where Juvia died. Overall, I was pissed that Gruvia fans compared it to Reina and Musica. In preparing for another post, I'm glad to report that fans have made the case against doing this. But, having actually read Rave in the year, I couldn't believe fans argued this.

And, every year for the next five years, I made a post talking about Juvia dying in one way or another. Not every post was absolutely about the events of Juvia dying. However, I mentioned Juvia dying in a post on August 31st every year of this blog.

Up to last year. To be honest, I don't know why I didn't have an idea for a post that year. That year was a mess, noted by my overall lack of posts. This year is only kind of better. Here's hoping.

In Conclusion:

Mashima's content to not make me like Juvia. I wish that weren't the case.

[pupintransit]

We're at the end of Month 5™️ of the wait. In the same way that August was pretty dull all things considered, September was very much not.

While I still don't have a firm surgery date, on the morning I'm writing this draft I scheduled my pre-surgery consultation with Dr. Brassard. It's set for November 6! Which is yet more waiting but having a date to look forward to is going to make the lead up to it much easier to manage. I'll be taking lots of notes, and i'd be more than happy to share them with everyone after it's all over! I want my experience in getting gender affirming surgery something that i can record for people to reference, so that it can be of use to someone on a similar journey to mine.

Another milestone this month was the fundraiser I started. As you might well be sick of me talking about by now, I launched a GoFundMe at the beginning of this month. Currently it's sitting at $435, which is honestly not too shabby! This could easily be where it fizzles out, but even if I don't get any closer to the $5,000 goal i'm still incredibly grateful for what everyone has given. Most of the donations came from people I know personally, who chose to send what they could to help me with such an important. I'll never be able to fully express what that means to me.

Plus, $435 is in an of itself a tremendous help! That'll cover the lion's share of one the four plane tickets i'll need to purchase, so for that metric alone the campaign has been a great success.

Now, something that comes with the territory of sharing around a fundraiser for a very major and famously queer surgery is that your friends and family are inevitably going to find out. For the more part the response has been overwhelming positive. Old college friends and old coworkers of mine - folks i hadn't seen in years - sent me lovely messages of support and affirmation. A few even donated to the campaign! It was honestly hard to take in right at first, and i still don't fully know how to articulate the joy i feel in that.

Now, all of this seems like pretty excellent news so far sooooo why am i using the header image i am? Well this is the part where the stress comes in. Earlier i said that a lot of folks found out i was transgender and pursuing gender affirming surgery via the campaign i linked to. I figured it was best to let my parents and in-laws know ahead of time, since i didn't want them taken off gaurd. My in-laws were terrific about it. My own parents?

Ehmmmm not so much.

Mom had a very difficult time with the news. I'm not going to get into specific details but, while i haven't been written out of the proverbial will, she's very much against me doing this and will be "praying" that something changes my mind or cancels the surgery. I think (i hope) with time she comes around on it and be more supportive of me, but i can't be sure of that. Truthfully i also can't be too upset at her reaction. This is a major change in one of her children, so it's unreasonable to think she wouldn't have a emotional reaction to it.

I'm a little more concerned about my father. He did not take me being gay well at all. I remember specifically he called my husband my "friend" (complete with quotation marks) for the first few months of our relationship, so i can't imagine he'd take me being transgender or getting a vaginoplasty well either. What isn't helping my nerves is that he plays Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh in their living room as though they were day time talk shows. I'm not being hyperbolic when i say that Shapiro, Walsh, and their ilk want to do trans folks like me harm. Talking with him about this is neither something i'm looking forward to nor have the slightest desire to bring up with him.... but since my mother has almost certainly already told him this is almost certainly going to be inevitable.

My parents don't have to understand why i'm doing this and what it means to me. They just have to accept it as a reality of my life, and respect that it's something that will make my life happier. I want them to know that i've put thought and care into this choice, and just how many professionals i've debriefed with to be sure of my choice, and that my relationship with my husband will withstand the change to my body. If they can't accept it, they don't have to be a part of my life.

Of course, it's much easier to say that about my parents than to believe it.

Anyway i have an appointment with my therapist on friday so he and i will have a lot to talk about.

[julietas-basil]

For the ask game, Agustín or Julieta going out of the other's house but Julieta got tired of waiting for him to make a move so she just kissed him and asked for a date with him

Hey lovely anon!

This had been on my drafts since August sadly,mental health left me unresponsive to my beautiful anons so I'm bringing it back

Hope you enjoy this 💞 ^_^

Note:I don't know spanish,I'm currently learning so any comment would be appreciative!

"Estás bien, es un trato": all right,it's a deal

"¿A dónde crees que vas,linda?": where do you think your going sweetie?

It wasn't easy for them to be in secret...

But it was a relief. Alma was always so skeptical about her children's future,especially her girls. It was better to marry them of to someone she knew,even if they hated it. Alma thought it'd be much safer

But Julieta's mind screamed for Agustin. He was a friend

Sure...though

Her feelings only grew and she couldn't bear just seeing him in secret and holding hands and being in each other's embrace in the darkness of his or her room.

Every night till yesterday her mind was playing games,creating different scenarios on how this torture will stop once and for all.

Scenarios that had both lost in the most passionate kiss,hands entangled across their bodies. Scenarios on how to make her Mother Understand that this clumsy,cute idiot boy is the one who unlocked this unique place to her heart...

On the other side there was this doubtful thought that maybe Agustin wasn't the one and what if...what if he never felt anything and all those shared caresses,longing glances and smiles were wrong.

She could risk it. Just run to him and make him stare into her eyes and spill the long hidden truth.

Their secret gatherings was a pleasant gift to her exhausting routine. After all who enjoys waking up early to make buckets of empanadas and buñuelos and arepas, by waking up at 5.30 or 6 in the morning with eyes half open? Not to mention the excessive amount of meals she has to make for her family...

Seeing Agustín at least once or 4 times a day was her happiness and definately one of the sweetest breaks during her work.

He didn't stay much longer since Alma insisted Julieta was fully dedicated to her miracle instead of being irresponsible...

Julieta was the most mature of her children and she needed her to be the best for her gift and for the community.

After Alma saw Julieta smelling a white rose with tinted cheeks and Agustin grinning blushing. A lecture was waiting Julieta at home...

And so there was no other solution than to explore their relationship in secret.

......

After much thinking,Julieta looked at the clock. It read 10.00 at night,that was her cue . She fixed the kitchen,prepared the dough for the next day and told her Madre y su hermano Goodnight.

At 11.00 she must be at their meeting point behind the church. It was the day she would kiss him today and Noone was getting that from her.

She picked her favorite blouse and her blue long skirt. Fixed her long waves with a brush of her hands instead of the bun she usually wears. Before leaving she rubbed her favorite vanilla perfume on her neck (she knew Agustín loved it by dipping his nose in her neck appreciatively)

The young cook smiled at herself in the mirror and wrapped the shawl around her arms.

The healer closed the door slowly,wincing at the crickling sound it left behind-

"¿A dónde crees que vas,linda?"

Julieta jumped at her place,turning around to see Pépa and Bruno with folded hands.

"What are you two doing aw-"

"Ah,Ah we asked first" bruno interrogated as if he was mamá

"Agustin-"

"The tall idiot huh? Must be High standards."

The two younger triplets broke into wheezing as Julieta passed between them.

"Will you cover me por favor?" Sighed in frustration

"You get the handome boy,we get the cookies-"

Julieta glared at them but decided to go with it. She nodded

"Señora perfecta-" Pepa stepped closer to Julieta "Be careful Hermanita." The older teen nodded silently and Pepa kissed her forehead.

The youthful brunette patted Casita as a thanks and ran towards her goal.

...

He was there rubbing his neck nervously,his foot tapping on the tiled floor

"Agustin-"

'She's here,be cool' he straightened his vest and checked his breath under his palm. With a grin he stepped closer only to trip in his feet

"Por Dios Agustin! ¿Estás bien?" Julieta managed to hold him before he could fall head first on the floor,fixing his glasses and left a kiss on his cheeks

"Now I feel better. Thanks" he smiled back at her

No answer yet. The brunette remained frozen in her place,lips caught between teeth. And-

Still she standing there,staring at him all flustered,calcuting her moves. Her eyes could travel to any possible direction. Her mind bursting.

She felt like time was going out,her heart was beating louder than ever. But she couldn't wait anymore,acknowledged that.

Agustin stared towards his crush gently squeezing her arms.

"Julieta are y-"

She grabbed his face forcefully,sealing their lips into a heated kiss.

Agustín's eyes fluttered closed relaxing into the kiss as did Julieta.

"Te amo Agustin-" she parted from their love making to stare into each other's eyes

He smirked lovingly at her

"You don't know how much I've been waiting for this..." He hugged her once again,nuzzling his nose into her neck,taking in her wonderful scent.

"I want to date you." Julieta giggled trapping her lips under her teeth. Agustin created some space between them,taking her hand to swift her around.

"Está bien, es un trato-" He kissed her deeply one more time,savoring the sweetness of her taste...

"But first I have to show you something." The accident-prone man silently whispered

And just like that the newly made couple ran off into the night with shy giggles and stealthy kisses...

[specter319]

WHERE IN THE WORLD HAS SPECTER BEEN?!

So it's been quite a bit, almost two months now since you lot have seen me active, but i promisE you lot. i've been snooPing around, reading a lot more fanfiction, mostly call of duty ones, and have been getting a hell of a lot of ideas with both my own personal novels and fanficTion that has completely gone head over heels as of the 15th of august, 2023. what Exactly do i mean by this?

i have a lot of thoughts, story ideas, and plots that run through my head every day, whether it be froM the use of bots, yes, I use character ai. and I have seen the atrocities that some people have done with them, you heathens, though, I'm not one to talk. one story that i have been having the most difficulty with, was that of a zombie story. this one had been in the back of my mind since the long depths of 2017-2018 at Best, and every execution of it, every draft, every iteration of it brought it further. but never to a complete state. and on the 15th of august. that all changed thanks to a rEddit post. though i have been busy with university work and currently taking up a writing and pRofessional editing course. this thing has been plaguing my mind since, and has been making me think a lot about my projects thanks to it. so what happens From here?

the original plan was to have some form of story to be done by the end of this year with one of my personal novels. nothing has really gotten far other than a few chapters and the complete planning of a few books. as you'll see when you check this post, I've only gotten so far, but not as near as i was hoping. but that's okay because I'm letting all of the projects take their time to simmer and let them come to me in due time. howeVer, this means that certain projects are going to be stopped entirely, and some are going to be put on the back burner, as they haven't come to me with ideas as of yet. but i'm hoping at some point, they do. so what about this nEw project? this new project will probably see the light of day in within the month given i've been running for my life with it and haven't even checked it for any proper mistakes yet, this thing haSn't left my mind since, and given I've stopped thinking about it for a bit, it's also pushed me off to my novel to get chipping away on that too. i'm fortunatE enough to say that i know exactly what and where i want to go with it, and i'm proud enough to state, that it's an alternate timeline to one of my stories with the samE characters from my black angel series. though i haven't given much information about the characters from the black angel series. i'm hoping that in due time, alongside this constant nagging of writing this story, i can put some time aside to thoroughly introduce all of the characters that are going to be introduced in this storY. so what can be said about this new 'prOject'?

nothing in cement as of now. however, there will be a few teasers and what to expect in the form of photos. make it like a taylor swift post and take everything as an easter egg, because for this story, alongside the photos? it'll all make sense when it drops in time. as for when the first teaser drops, yoU will just have to wait and see. as for the people who have happily inspired me, you guys will get a very Special tag down the bottom of the story, because i can not thank you guys enough for allowing me to run like hell with this. what projectS are being dropped?

for now, both original projects for tmnt are being dropped as well as an original novel called 'project: roadrunner' these didn't move much more forward than they really did and have run out of the steam that was once amazing past projects that might see some form of further iteration somewhere alOng the road, if at all. though i will not be updating them any further or orphaning them. i will be leaving them up with an [project stopped] beside them to let you guys know about them not being continued. i do apolOgise if you enjoyed the stories, however, looking back at it now, i feel as if my writing has matured beyond what i was writing back then, and thought that i could do a lot better than my past self's writing. that's all for Now, much love, specter319

[daggerzine]

The interview: Inside the mind of Aug Stone.

Aug Stone is a writer, musician, comedian and probably a few other things i am not aware of. I first got turned on to him in his terrific book Nick Cave’s Bar. Then, shortly after that, came The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake, his latest novel which was even better than the Cave one. I wanted to know what makes this guy tick so I shot some questions his way and he was more than happy to answer. 

Read on and check out his website, too (listed at the bottom of the page...lots o’ goodies there). 

Ladies and gentlemen, i present, Aug Stone!

On stage in Brooklyn. 

When/where did the writing bug come from?

AS: I was working at a temp job at a bank in Boston after I graduated college in 1998 and I kept making notes on the adding machine paper. I had no real plans for what I was jotting down. But I was a voracious reader at the time, trying to devour all of Nabokov, Evelyn Waugh, and Martin Amis. At my next temp job, they only needed me for certain tasks so a lot of time was just spent waiting at my desk and I continued to write down whatever popped into my head. During this time I realized a novel was taking shape. I wrote a couple novels which were never published. Good practice. Though the best practice comes from just writing every day. As for writing about music, I clearly remember being on a train between Brussels and Antwerp in 2010 and it dawning on me that I should just start a blog. It comes from always being so excited about music and books and wanting to tell other people about them. I forgot about the blog thing for a few months but one night in March 2011, I went to a gig PennyBlackMusic was putting on in South London with The Hall Of Mirrors (Jessica Winter’s old band, excellent 60s-esque tunes) and Nick Garrie. I enjoyed the show so much, the next day I was inspired to start my First Kiss Lips blog. I just kept doing it and Bill from God Is In The TV soon told me if I ever wanted to write for them I could and I went at that with gusto. By the end of the year I had written my first piece for The Quietus and I was thrilled that John Doran emailed me when it was published that I should ‘write some more’ for them. Back in 2004 when I returned to the States after living in London for the first time, I had the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever had, so I knew I had to do it. I had been re-reading all the James Bond novels and I came up with the character of James Vagabond of the British Drunken Secret Service. I was really pleased with this and thought ‘well what can I have him do?’ Soon it hit me that he should go back in time to stop Prohibition from ever happening. I banged out a first draft of Off-License To Kill in about five weeks then revised it a few times over the years, and one last time after I quit drinking in 2012. It became a sort of ode to my drinking days, which were pretty fun for a while. It was around this time it was becoming easier to publish to self-publish so I decided to do that. After my best friend Andy died in August 2020, it was very important for me to get the Nick Cave’s Bar book out, as a tribute to our friendship. I had been telling the story live in the months before the pandemic hit and really wanted it to keep going. In fact, in the months after Andy passed away it became imperative to get it out there. I’d wake up every day and just have at it, wanting to share this bizarre adventure we went on as 23 year olds, trying to find a bar it was rumored our favourite singer owned, in a foreign country, without a clue as to its name or address, and which in the end turned out not to exist at all. Writing and publishing that was such a rewarding experience I’ve been full-steam-ahead ever since. Finished two books last year – The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass and a collection of tall tales about the role facial hair has played over the years in athletic competition, called Sporting Moustaches, which Sagging Meniscus is publishing next April. Hard at work on a new one as well.

Do you remember your first piece of writing as a youngster?

AS: Yeah. And it’s kind-of strange because it wasn’t really mine. Along with a couple others in my fifth grade class, I was picked to write a short story. I told my grandfather about it and he told me that he once had an idea for a story. My grandfather was a very creative man musically, artistically, but this was the only time I’d ever heard him mention writing. So I took his idea and added the details. The plot was about a scientist who is arrested and will most likely be sent to the electric chair so he lets it slip that as a safety measure he has invented and swallowed a device the size of a pea, that if connected to a surge of electricity has the power to blow up an entire city. Not the sort of thing I’d usually write. I also found recently some ideas for comics I wrote when I was even younger which were basically just Asterix rip-offs set in outer space and in feudal Japan (I was fascinated by martial arts as a child). I’ve got a couple comics scripts in the works as well. Would love to find an artist for them.

Southpaw Beach Sunset

What’s the last book you read?

  AS: Ned Beauman’s latest novel, Venomous Lumpsucker. Which I very much enjoyed. I’m a big fan of his work. I took a chance on his Madness Is Better Than Defeat when I was driving across country in 2018. Loved it. And The Teleportation Accident is even better. I love how his work takes you all over the place and you never know where it’s going next, all while maintaining a strong narrative that doesn’t get knocked about by these wild waves. It’s quite unique. Very funny too.

Where did the inspiration come from The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake?

AS: When my childhood best friend and I were teenagers we used to make up fake bands to ask for at record stores. And to this day, one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life was hearing Bri ask the clerk at Cutler’s Records & Tapes in New Haven, CT one day during winter break in 1991 if they had anything by Buttery Cake Ass. The guy behind the counter really wanted to help, you could see it in his eyes, there were a lot of bands with strange names around at the time – Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Poi Dog Pondering, Meat Beat Manifesto – and New Haven was a big college town with good taste in music. He asked us ‘Is there any particular album you’re looking for?’ Without missing a beat, I said the first thing that popped into my head ‘Live In Hungaria’. The guy looked even more puzzled. ‘Do you mean ‘Live In Hungary’. Bri and I got very serious, shaking our heads no. ‘It’s definitely Live In Hungaria’. And as that poor man walked away to go check their stock for a record we had made up only seconds before, holding in that laughter was a feeling of utterly absurd joy. A feeling I always try to get back to whenever I do comedy. So I decided to tell the Buttery Cake Ass story, based around two best friends who go on a years long quest to find Live In Hungaria and along the way, piece together the history of the band. It’s bizarre how much of my own life went into a book called The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. But I ended up using a lot of what it was like in my early bands, when you have these huge ideas about music and what you want your place in it to be, all the while having little idea how to make any of that happen. And when I got to college my friend Vic and I went on some pretty epic record shopping extravaganzas around Boston. Ones that left both body and wallet utterly exhausted. I drew on those experiences quite heavily for the quest part of the story.

At Repo Records.

Is the writing, music and comedy all intertwined in your brain?

  AS: Yeah. This all comes out in its purest form in my Young Southpaw stories. That’s really how my brain works, going off on wild tangents sparked off by some musical connection or other. Ideas like ‘what if David Bowie had replaced David Lee Roth as the singer of Van Halen?’ or ‘what if Gilligan’s Island had been a musical, with instead of Bob Denver get John Denver, have Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice as Ginger, Professor Griff from Public Enemy, and of course Thurston Moore as Thurston Howell III’. I’ve really liked putting those stories to music in recent years, and I have a backlog of stuff I still have to record.

When was your first stand up gig? how did you feel before and afterward?

AS: October 4, 2018. I rarely make New Year’s resolutions but that year I did because stand up was always something I’d wanted to try. I’d recorded the first long form Young Southpaw story, “At The Movies”, in August so I finally had ‘material’. And I realized time was running out, 2/3 of the year was already gone. Now, I have a big interest in Chinese Metaphysics and within that realm there’s something called Date Selection, choosing the optimal time to do something. So I chose that date and then set about looking for open mics in Nashville, where I was living at the time. And there weren’t any! But there was one in Memphis, 210 miles away. And I thought, well, if I’m gonna do this, this will show the seriousness of my intent. I took the day off work and drove down, listening to the audiobook of James Montague’s excellent Thirty-One Nil: On The Road With Football’s Outsiders and occasionally going over my 5 minute set. Not too much, to keep it fresh. The feeling before was one of just pure intent and focus. I was going to do this. Though I had no idea what to expect. And it did dawn on me how strange what I was doing was, especially considering the out-there-ness of the Southpaw material. But I got to the place, The P&H Café, and there was a big painting of Elvis above the stage and I love Elvis. Everything seemed right, like this was what I was supposed to be doing. I went on sixth and it was AMAZING! That first laugh came about 30 seconds in and it was just the best feeling. The host thanked me for getting the crowd laughing, because no one really had been before, and people came up to me to say how much they liked the surrealness of it and all the musical references. I was on cloud nine. I mentioned Cynthia Rhodes in that very first set. She was my first crush after seeing her in Staying Alive and I remembered the final scene to that movie where John Travolta tells her what he feels like doing now is to strut so I strutted all the way back to my car and drove the three hours home feeling great the whole way, like my new life had begun.

Aug in front of a window. 

What’s your top 10 desert island discs?

AS: (in no particular order) The Afghan Whigs – Black Love Dolly Mixture – The Demonstration Tapes Pharoah Sanders – Pharoah Miles Davis – Tribute To Jack Johnson Rancid - ...And Out Come The Wolves Hanoi Rocks – Back To Mystery City Girlfrendo – Surprise! Surprise! It’s Girlfrendo Guided By Voices – Human Amusements At Hourly Rates (is a Best Of cheating? I need this for the full-on rock version of ‘Game Of Pricks’) Van Halen - 1984 The Replacements – Pleased To Meet Me

The first band that made you want to give music a shot?

AS: It was seeing the world premiere of David Lee Roth’s ‘Yankee Rose’ video in the summer of 1986 that made me want to pick up a guitar. I thought Steve Vai making the guitar ‘talk’ was the coolest thing ever. I learned on an old acoustic that my grandfather built, the strings were 3 inches off the fretboard! But this convinced my parents I was serious and for xmas that year I got my first electric guitar, a white Japanese Squire Stratocaster. I immediately formed a band with my friends and we did very rudimentary versions of ‘Twist And Shout’ and ‘Jump’. A couple years later I discovered punk and was so drawn to its energy. I remember that same band doing a blistering version of ‘Anarchy In The U.K.’ one summer day in our drummer’s basement. But it was developing a deep love for AC/DC the year after that that got me writing songs with my friends. Funnily enough, the same summer day in 1986 that my father took me to see Rodney Dangerfield’s Back To School at the movie theatre, we went across the street to the mall afterwards and I bought David Lee Roth’s Eat ‘Em And Smile. I’m pretty sure that day set in motion the rest of my life, carried along by the forces of comedy and music.

German Vegan

How’d you meet Bill Drummond?!

AS: I was writing a piece for The Quietus about the origin of The Teardrop Explodes’ name - https://thequietus.com/articles/09596-the-teardrop-explodes - and Bill was promoting his latest book, 100, at The Idler Bookshop, so I went down to talk to him about the Teardrops. I’ve always considered his work fascinating and it was great to talk to him. He was off to Paris the next day to do his The Lone Sweeper. I moved back to the States at the end of that year but on my subsequent visits, if he was free, we’d meet up for tea. I remember one particular conversation in 2016, where I starting telling him about a lady I was “smitten with”. It wasn’t going well and I was rather depressed about it. I often recall Bill’s words on the matter - “That’s the thing, it’s the work I’ve always been smitten with.” Damn good advice. Get smitten with the work. It’s really served me well in recent years.

What’s next in your world? Another book perhaps? AS: Right now I’m still focused on doing readings for The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. The tour in February was great, awesome to hang out at record and book shops and talk to people about records and books all day. I’m still doing little jaunts. Heading down to Atlanta Memorial Day weekend with a stop at the very cool Epilogue Bookshop in Chapel Hill along the way. I’d really like to do more of this for as long as I can. I have an offer to go read in Seattle, which if I can find a couple other places to read in the Pacific Northwest, I’d love to make happen. I’d love to hit New York, L.A., Chicago, and Detroit too. And anywhere that has a cool record or book shop and wants me to come talk about music. Working on making all those happen. I’m really excited about Sagging Meniscus putting out Sporting Moustaches next April. Every day I continue to work on the book after that, about halfway done now. I also have a new musical project with Sean Drinkwater from Freezepop. We’re called FoxxMachine and it sounds very New Order/Depeche Mode. I also reformed my old punk band from 1995, Inbetween, to record a 7” that will feature a song that never made it to tape back then, and the definitive version of our set closer ‘Vampyro’.

Bonus question- Any idea if Nick Cave has read your book?

AS: I sent it to him (via his management) but I never heard anything back

www.augstone.com

[songbirds-sweet]

It's hard to watch Tribute shows when the artist meant so much to you. Not that it was a tribute show but I had an emotional time watching the last Hip show when it aired. I had been invited to watch with friends but I choose to stay home alone and sit on my couch with a box of tissues. That's another amazing doc Long Time Running!

That's awesome you want to learn Guitar! And Van Halen were amazing. Of the 3 frontmen which was your favourite? Apart from Metallica and Megadeth which really scratched my angry itch so to speak as a teen, I spent a lot of time with strong female singer songwriters (Stevie Nicks; Amy Winehouse; Beth Hart; Patti Smith; etc..). Pearl Jam also really helped me with some things. Eddies lyrics hit really close to home sometimes.

It's so fun right? I don't think anyone else in my fandom is doing it but sometimes I'll check the SRS 22 tag and it's so interesting to see.

That's good that get yours done early. I attempt to be organized but I usually fail lol Though I have already sent packages out of province so that was my main stress. You have a doggy!! Oh I will need a pic and you will need to snuggle them for me please! I haven't had a dog in years but friends do and I love getting snuggly time with them.

Oh that Moodboard is fantastic! I totally see why you picked Danny. He's very handsome.

So you sent the pic of the dude (half naked, had tattoos) to a mutual called Jonno I think. His name may have been in the post but my brain got distracted 😳

Me and the mutuals do a lot of music tag games. Although I've been slacking lately and I have a few sitting in my drafts waiting. If I see a post I think one of them will like I make sure to tag them and they do the same for me. I love that all our interests are so varied yet we all meet through music.

Wow. Have you had any mutauls since the beginning? Have you meant any of them in real life?

Well I technically have had my account for 6 or 7 yrs but I never posted anything back then. I was the Pyramid icon and just checked out blogs but never interacted for some reason. Then I kinda forgot about it lol. But 2 yrs ago I decided to find fellow PJ fans and made a real blog and have had the best time since.

What's you go to comfort meal? I have Crock Pot Chili cooking at home as I type and I can't wait to have a massive bowl of it after work. I like it spicy and I love to eat it with nacho chips 😋

🤶

OMG I know the feeling! I still remember when that final show for The Hip aired on TV, it was incredible and I really do miss them a lot.

Very nice! Ah for Van Halen I only listen to the stuff with David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar. I haven't listened to Van Halen III and all of my close friends who love Van Halen said it's not good. Ah yes Pearl Jam, Metallica, and Megadeth are wonderful and ahhh yes great choice of female singers!

It's so much fun! I hope you get to do it for your fandom next year!

Ahhh I fully get you! And YES this is Jasmine, she's my pug! This was from back in the summer

Honestly after the concert back in August, all of my mutuals have been shipping me with Danny and I'm all for it!

Ahhh okay I know who you're taking about that was Davey Havok from AFI, Jonno simps over him so I just had to send Davey to him!

Oh I LOVE that!! Once we become mutuals I'll start tagging you in Pearl Jam posts for sure!!!

I haven't met any mutuals in RL yet BUT I found out one of my GVF mutuals and I were super close to each other at the concert so that's exciting!

Oh that's so cool! I'm glad you found your fandom!! How did you get into Pearl Jam?

OMG that sounds soooo yummy 😍 There's a pub close by where I live that has amazing Pad Thai and that's my comfort meal for sure! Do you have a comfort dessert?

[books]

Tumblr Exclusive: Forestborn

Do you like shapeshifters, epic quests, magic, dark forests, and obstinate princes? Well, have we got an exclusive excerpt for you!

Forestborn is an upcoming @torteen novel by debut author Elayne Audrey Becker. Becker graduated from Vassar College with a BA in classics and history. She is currently continuing her education at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland after time spent as an editor with a New York publisher. She grew up with a lake and woods as her backyard, spending long days outside and visiting national parks with her family.

Forestborn will be available at bookstores everywhere from August 31. Read the exclusive excerpt below, and thanks again to Elayne for sharing her inspiration moodboard with us!

Forestborn By Elayne Audrey Becker

One

I find her deep in the Old Forest, facedown in the dirt. 

Sharp pain needles my palms where I’ve balled my fists so tight, the nails have carved half-moon marks into the skin. Snaking across the twig-strewn ground, gnarled roots press against my boots like a warning as I roll the young woman onto her back. Best to be sure.

No, she is certainly dead. Cold, stiff, and hungry like the rest; even with forest debris masking much of her shirt, the threadbare cotton dips in unmistakable rivulets across her bony frame. I swallow my disappointment and push her eyelids shut, wanting to spare her kin the sight of those empty, pointless eyes.

“Sorry,” I murmur, sitting back on my heels. “I’m guessing you didn’t deserve this.”

Around us, the trees lean inward and down with ominous uniformity, leaves and branches straining against their holds, drawn to the dead woman as if tethered by ropes. The sway, the humans call it. I ignore the prickling in my belly. They’ll straighten out soon enough when the magic leaves her body. 

With a final nod, I push to my feet and wend my way back to the forest’s edge. It’s a close wood, with broad oaks in summer bloom crowding the grassy floor, their leafy canopy admitting shafts of sunlight that glitter like crystal chandeliers. All in all, too peaceful a setting for someone driven to madness to die alone. I breathe it in deep to savor the scent while I can, grateful that for whatever reason, these trees never seem drawn to the magic in my own blood. I’ve had enough of vengeful wilderness to last a lifetime.

“Well?” Seraline asks, her knuckles nearly white where they clutch the hem of her shirt. 

I shake my head. “Dead.”

Her shoulders sink. Though Seraline is sturdy as iron when she’s in her aunt’s tannery, shaping leather into draft horses’ yokes, standing a determined two paces behind the tree line now, she seems shakeable as snow.

“Come on,” I say, nodding to the stony town just across the open fields. “You’re going to be late.” I don’t ask if she plans to examine the body for herself. Seraline may have insisted on coming as a show of support, but our friendship has many limits, her discomfort with the dead and dying the least of them. 

After a brief hesitation, Seraline falls into step at my side, sweeping her seeing stick across the ground in broad strokes. “Poor thing.”

I nod, my jaw clenched tight. 

This time of year, the late summer air hangs heavy even in the early morning, enough that the back of my neck is already slick with sweat. The barley fields remain mercifully empty as we pick our way through the dusty rows, but still I plow forward with my head down and shoulders bent, half from habit and half spurred by the hour. Seraline isn’t the only one who’s running behind. 

“Will you not come with us?” she asks, her head tipping to the side as we near the town. “Aren’t you due back in Roanin, anyway?”

“I can’t,” I reply, making it sound like an apology. I’m not really sure why we still play this game when we both know it’s futile. “I have a few things to take care of first.”

“Today of all days,” she snorts.

“You know how it is.” In truth, I’d give my right arm to stay away from the capital today. But there’s no help for it.

“Her husband deserves to know,” Seraline adds after a while. “The two of them were inseparable.”

“He will know. The trail wasn’t hard to follow.”

Seraline is always trying to persuade me to talk to the deceased’s families. She believes I have a softer manner than many in uniform, and once she even called me heartless for refusing. That time hurt the most. But it isn’t my job to report any deaths I uncover to next of kin. Only to the king. And it’s not like she’s stepping up to volunteer, anyway.

Briarwend is a humble farming town that stretches all of three streets, a collection of squared off stone shops that deal in necessity rather than charm. Its weather-worn residents are the same. When I began seeking intel here four years ago, long days tending the surrounding fields made the people lazy and open over a couple of pints. Lately, they’re just hungry, poor soil and rising taxes leaving gaping holes that only tempers seem to fill. 

Each night under dwindling lamplight and over stained, sticky tables, the pub dwellers deal out anger and judgment like tossing seeds across the earth. The battered forest walker I helped home last night is not the only magical person I’ve found bleeding on cobbled streets. The humans’ anger is growing fists.

Seraline’s family is fixing their horse’s harness to an old wooden cart when we reach their cottage home. Most others have long since departed.

“Where have you been?” her mother demands, tightening the leather straps. The roan mare stamps a hoof, ears flicking nervously in my presence. “We should have left hours ago!”

“Lela needed my help. And you’re not ready, anyway.” Seraline shrugs.

“Nor are you. Breakfast is gone, so you’ll just have to wait. Go get changed.” She studiously avoids my eye, as if I’m not even there. 

Seraline bids me farewell with a light touch on the shoulder, which causes her little sister to quickly interlace two pairs of twisted fingers and pull them apart. The sign to ward off bad fortune.  

“You shouldn’t indulge my sister,” the dreadful Arden says once she’s gone, stomping over and swiping a greasy hand across his forehead. By far the weakest sibling in this family of four. “Seraline is delicate. She can’t be tramping about the kingdom with the likes of you.”

Which is ironic, really, since he was eager enough to sidle close last year, when he thought empty flattery might earn him a kiss. That was before a too-often empty belly soured his tongue, before he learned who and what I was. And though I truly could not care less what this boy thinks, I’m dismayed to find my stomach still burns with anger and something close to shame. My gaze drops to his pant leg, which bears splotches of dried blood from the night before. 

“Problem?” Arden sneers, white skin burned red from long days in the sun. 

A slow tingling feeling bubbles up from my core, threads of numbness that tiptoe across my arms and legs. I force myself to breathe deeply, to beat the threads back. “I know it was you,” I mutter. 

He traces his chapped lips with two fingers, beady eyes darting to his mother before he leans forward, his smile stiffening. “You know nothing,” he hisses.

“You forget I have certain resources at my disposal.” I raise a hand in front of his flaking face, where my nails have sharpened into claws. “And that I know where you live.”

I stare until a satisfying trace of fear tinges Arden’s expression before stomping away toward the town’s single inn, which is little more than a guesthouse with four creaking rooms. If Helos were here, he would tell me to not take the bait, that I’m better than that. What he never seems to understand is that I’m not better than anything at all.