#this happens when I leave my brain unsupervised

[mjn-air]

[greed-the-dorkalicious]

All the #RyouSweep propaganda got me thinking like. Yeah we all criticize Ryou for STILL FUCKING GOING BACK FOR THE DAMN RING in Battle City (and every other time lbr), and rightfully so, but if we’re being honest. In his defense it WAS kind of horrendously irresponsible of the Yugis to just leave two wholeass Millennium Items just sitting on a table and then leave the room. Why did they do that

[brucewaynehater101]

Ok so ive had this idea stuck in my head for WEEKS at this point and i need to tell someone about it so im invading your asks

(ages for this au, id imagine Damians around like- 12 or 13 and Tim/JJ's like- 17)

What if a version of Damian (like from ine of the good happy batfam universes) was sent to to a universe with Joker Junior where the rest of the bats were killed by the Joker and JJ was never reacued and brought back to being Tim?

And Damian is like- terrified because he doesnt know where he is or how to get back home and then hes found by JJ.

And like- at first JJ would probably try to leave Damian but once he gets a good look at this kid baby brother, thats his baby brother- he would realize that he recognizes this kid. So he keeps him!

The only problem with that is the Joker. Now the bats are all dead (or theres circumstances preventing them from doing anything) in this universe so theres nobody around to stop the Jokers shit. And we all know that the Joker isnt above murdering or tourturing kids. (Id imagine the JJ of this universe has done stuff like that once or twice, but he doesnt like to. He's a smaller equally manical yet WAY less bloodthirsty version of the joker)

So JJ keeps Damian hidden from his "Papa" until the bats of Damians universe are able to find a way to bring him back home. In the meantime tho, Damians under JJ's care, and its terrifying, but at least he tries!

Now in my mind Joker Jr. is kinda like Jinx from Arcane with mood swings, visual and audio halucinations, so so smart but so so crazy and confused and SCARED and oh so close to finally snapping until he actually does.

And this boy that he kiddnaped rescued confuses the fuck out of him. Because Junior recognizes him from somewhere and he doesnt know why.

(I hope this all makes sense its kinda just like a word vomit lmao my lizard brain just want crazy older brother Joker Jr. [Also there isnt enough JJ content out there and that is a crime])

(Older brother JJ content??? Fuck yeah)

TW: JJ, torture, child abuse

JJ... Recognizes those glaring emerald eyes and scowling face. He doesn't know why, but it causes reality around him to pulse with uncertainty as it teters between JJ's world and someone else's. Someone Papa doesn't like.

JJ won't talk to them. He knows he's not supposed to. Papa will become angry. So Junior tears his eyes from the bird kid baby bat and turns to leave. A tsk stops him.

Another wave of familiarity crashes over JJ, but he doesn't know that child. He doesn't. He really really doesn't know him.

So, Junior should move. Papa won't he happy if JJ can't move.

Well, unless Papa is teaching JJ a lesson.

His nerves light up at the memory of cold metal tables, electric probes, and buzzing.

JJ needs to go, but that kid. He can't leave him. He also can't take him with either. He knows what happens to the kids Joker meets.

Junior would never disobey his papa, but the ever-present buzzing noise isn't a deterrent for bad behavior. With how often he's punished, it hardly matters whether JJ is being a good child or not. He's always in trouble. Instead, that buzz is a reminder that he can't be caught.

JJ is smart. He's clever and sneaky. He's also great at lying, even to bats. While he may not know why lying to the nocturnal creatures is important, he knows it's an accomplishment he's proud of.

He can hide the child from Papa! It'll be a fun game! Junior's little surprise.

Junior isn't sure what he's winning, but he knows what will happen when he loses.

Death to the bird and punishment to JJ! A great joke!

Though Junior doesn't know why the kid is a bird.

Oh well! JJ will take great care of the little bird. All he has to do is feed him and keep him hidden! It will be like all the other things JJ hides from Papa. He'll never admit it, but Junior thinks Papa is a little dumb. As long as JJ plays pretend with the older man, he'll remain unsupervised.

Anyways, JJ has more of a demented, childish voice while Tim is more analytical and serious.

Damian, to start with, doesn't recognize Tim. JJ has green hair, bleached skin, cut cheeks, and way less muscle mass. The behavior is drastically different as well (also, we're not gonna speculate any specific mental disorders for these AUs. JJ and Tim are considered different due to their characterizstions, but I don't want to put harmful connotations out there [especially since I don't have any relevant conditions to insert accurate and mindful interpretations]).

In this AU, the Bats are all dead. JJ did kill some of them, which drastically reduced his ability to recover and remember that he's Tim.

He didn't kill Damian, though. Tim also feels extremely protective of his younger siblings (Duke included). Unfortunately, they're dead in this AU :/

JJ oscillates between being terrified, peppy, silent, crying, and content at rapid rates. It takes several days for Damian to feel out some of the triggers.

The Bats from Damian's universe are trying their damned best to get there as soon as possible. Sadly, Joker finds out about Damian before then.

JJ, by this point, has bonded with the kid. That kid is HIS. He may have some slightly fucked up notions on how to show care, but he will not let anyone harm the bird (not even Papa).

So, JJ does his best joke yet. He kills Joker.

Only after killing the Joker do the other Bats show up. They offer to take JJ with them (particularly because that's Tim!!!), but he refuses. He doesn't want to go with his family. He doesn't remember them and he killed some of them.

He can't stay with them.

[penguinsravioli]

Crush Confessions

❝⁺ ₊ ✦⋆ ｡ ˚chapter 1❝⁺ ₊ ✦⋆ ｡ ˚ Anthony Vaughn x Reader

“Well, shit.” I stare at the map while everyone crowds around it. Heaps for keeping my body count a secret. “Well damn (name), I didn’t know you got down like that ay?” Dusty nudges my side. I frown, I don't think my count is that high in my opinion, but I’d rather keep it on the low you know? This happened during holiday, me and Ant I mean. Didn't mean much to me because we were shit-faced.

But he’s been avoiding eye contact with me since I walked in. I think it's because he’s into Jesus and all that.

“Says here you went at it wiiiiithhhh, Ant and Missy huh? You enjoy getting a gobby?” I rolled my eyes. “Fuck off, cunt...” I shove Spider out of the way. Adjusting my jeans on the way down, they’re seriously starting to ride up my ass. When me and Missy went at it, I didn’t do anything with her. She did go down on me though.

To the gym, we all traveled for an assembly.  I sat down near the back, like 2 rows from. Which placed me behind Dusty, I messed with the charms on my acrylics, stoically staring at my feet when the gym silenced. I look up and see, Harper, with a full buzz. “Pack it up Eleven” Missy shouts. I hold in a chuckle. While Amerie frantically calls out her name. “Sit down Amerie,” Woodsy commands. Shortly after, she begins.

“I am a woke woman.” I sit up a bit straighter, curious on what’s about to come out of her mouth next. Woodsy is known to be a tight stuck-up bitch of a principle, I don't think she's that bad. She just… “I enjoy sex as much as the next person.” …has a way with her words is all.

“But reputation is everything and this map..has jeopardized your reputations” No fucking kidding woods. “And the reputation of our school. On the first day back, we are currently in the process of contacting all the parents of everyone on this map” 

Shit…shit shit shit shit shit- I am so fucked. Woodsy’s voice begins to lessen throughout my brain. “-and have strongly suggested that there are to be no more parties, shindigs, or gathos-” my mouth begins to dry up. What will my parents say? They’ve had the ‘talk’  with me but they're not really understating you know. “Oooi central link is losing her shit” Spider comments. “Shut up Spider..” Ant whispers. “Hey! Hey!-” There's Woodsy’s voice coming in again. My legs begin shaking “-Unsupervised parties equals alcohol. Alcohol equals poor choices. The risk-taking behaviors outlined on this map are unacceptable.” I sigh, lightly pulling at the end of my hair. Trying to calm myself down, I'm so gonna get my ass beat when I get home later. Woodsy ends her speech a bit later and we’re finally dismissed. Well, except Amerie. It must have been her. What a dog. 

Maths passes by excruciatingly slower than usual. I check my phone, no notifications. My legs begin to shake again, and the under of my boobs are sweating, how fun. I put my head on the table, I feel a headache coming up. I look at the clock. Thank GOD. I get up to use the bathroom as soon as the bell rings. I breathe in and out slowly. “You’re good man You're good, chill out” I attempt to calm myself down. When it finally works I walk out of the bathroom. Turn a corner and there in the gym, is Harper beating the shit out of Amerie.

“worldstar material?” I question, weaving myself into the crowd pulling out my phone to record. “Well shit, beat her ass then” I instigate. A small chuckle slips from my mouth when Amerie falls to the ground, Harper leaves, and Ameries nose is bleeding.

“Yikes..” I turn away. My ass is already grass when I get home. Let us not deepen the grave by being late to class.

“Oi (nickname), can we talk?” It’s Ant. I feel just as bad for him as me. I’ve met his mom, she's scary. “About? It seems to me you've talked a bunch” “Listen I’m sorry about it. I know you told me not to spill but Spider kept on prying because he saw us walk out of the bathroom.”  During holiday I had snuck out and went to a party that Sasha So invited me to. Now I don't drink, but I do occasionally take a hit. The last time I had gotten high I almost died of laughter, like so deadass. I'm a giggler, but this time I was dissociating.

—“Oi (nickname) you good? Ant looks at me. He’s a bit high, you can tell because usually when he’s hella high he acts like he doesn’t have a brain. “Yeah bruh, heaps”. We stare at each other for a moment and I begin giggling, he begins giggling too. “You know… you’re real cute when you’re not trying to be like spider and your group leader dusty” I turn my body towards him and get closer. I was wearing this cute skirt, it was pretty tight on me but it made my legs look quite nice. I had paired it with this cute black tube top as well. “Am I? I always thought I was a bit of a ripper” I giggle at his remark. My arms begin to wrap themselves around the base of his neck. “Wanna show me how much damage a ripper like you can cause?” He smirks, “sure mate” he puts his hands down my waist, dropping his arm to grab my hand as he leads me to the bathroom.—

I shake off the memory. “Listen, Um Anthony..” I think to try and find the right words to say. He lifts his head to reveal his puppy-like eyes. Ugh, what an asshole that boy is. “I don't really care anymore. But I think it would just be best if we forgot about it yeah?” His face seems to melt a bit with sadness. “Yeah Yeah, Of course. No biggie”

“Cool, Catch you later I guess” I begin to walk away from the sulking Ant. “Will the following students please meet at classroom 5D”

I continued walking, trying to get away from Ant, who was currently burning holes into my backside. “Amerie Wadia, Harer McLean, Sasha So, Missy Bekett, Dustin Reid, Spencer White, Anthony Vaughn—“ I whip my head around, and his face looks confused. “Well Shiiiit” I smirk his way, he rolls his eyes and adjusts his backpack straps beginning to walk the opposite way from me.

“(name) (lastname), Darren Rivers, Quinni Callegar-Jones, Douglas Piggott—“ He turns around. “HA!” I roll my eyes and follow him out the doors.

[justabigassnerd]

Playgrounds and Injuries

Pairing - Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell x daughter!reader

Word count - 2,187

Warnings - blood, little splash of angst, mostly fluff

Summary - you hurt yourself while your dad is busy, but a couple of people come to your rescue and your dad dotes on you

A/N - hey y'all I actually wrote a fic in a decent amount of time like what is this?? I loved writing this anon request because y'all already know I'm a sucker for MavDad. I won't ramble anymore but as per y'all, please send in requests, feedback, and enjoy!!!

“Alright squirt, we just need to go to my office so I can grab some stuff and then we can head home.” Maverick says to you as you cling to his hand, walking alongside him as you cross the Navy base to the building where Maverick’s office resides. As you approach the building, your eyes drift to the playpark that sits directly opposite the building and you tug at Maverick’s hand gently, pointing it out.

“Can I play in the park, daddy?” You ask already trying to walk towards the park, only being stopped when Maverick stays put, his grip tightening ever so slightly to ensure you don’t walk into the road. He stayed silent for a moment, eyes flicking between his office building and the park. They were close, and he knew he could see the park from his office window. He also knew he was only running in to grab something so you wouldn’t be unsupervised for a long period of time. Maverick knew it was probably against his better nature, but he let out a small sigh and walked you over to the park, opening the gate and letting you enter.

“y/n, I need to grab something from my office. Stay here in the park, okay? I’ll be right out.” Maverick says, crouching down to be at your level so he can get his instructions across clearly and thankfully you nod in understanding.

“Okay, daddy.” You say, smiling sweetly as Maverick pulls you into a quick hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“That’s my girl. I’ll be right back.” Maverick promises, straightening up and leaving the park after watching you dart over to the climbing frame. Maverick heads straight for his office, racking his brain for where he left the stuff, he needed so he doesn’t waste time. When he reaches his office, he glances out of his window and sees you happily entertaining yourself on the slide and a small smile graces his face seeing you playing so happily. After watching you for a minute he focuses himself on the task at hand and he tracks down the paperwork he needs to work on before next week rolls around. After gathering up what he needs, he begins to exit his office almost walking directly into Cyclone in the process.

“Maverick. What a pleasant surprise.” Beau says, hardly any enthusiasm in his voice as he looks down at Maverick.

“Cyclone. What brings you here?” Maverick replies, raising an eyebrow slightly as he looks at the Vice Admiral. Maverick was sure he had a family of his own, so why was he in the office?

“I could ask you the same question. Don’t get many people coming in on the weekend.” Beau then says as he folds his arms across his chest.

“Just needed to grab some paperwork but I really need to get go-”

“Actually, while I have you here, I have some things I need to go over with you.” Beau spoke over Maverick, already beginning to launch into a conversation Maverick did not have the time or the effort for.

Meanwhile, you were playing in the park, able to make fun for yourself as you waited for your dad to return from the building opposite. The base was practically empty, aside from a small handful of Navy personnel who wandered around.

As you went down the slide for at least the tenth time, you tripped as you climbed off the slide and landed rather harshly on your knees, cutting them open on the rough ground. At first, you remained on the floor, shocked at what had just happened before your knees began to sting and your eyes welled up. You sat back, inspecting your bloody knees through teary eyes before looking in the direction of Maverick’s office hoping your dad would emerge and come to your aid. Instead, aid came in the form of two other people.

“You keep saying shit like this and Mav is going to make the training harder you know?” Bradley says with a slight chuckle as he rolls his eyes at Jake’s latest tangent about how he feels he’s progressing beyond Maverick’s training.

“Can’t help it if it’s the truth, Bradshaw.” Jake retorts with a laugh as both of them cross the base. As they pass the park, Bradley glances over at Jake to say something else and pauses when he sees a child sitting on the floor in the park and no other adults in sight.

“Bradshaw what are you-?” Jake asks as Bradley crosses the road, approaching the park and picking up the pace when he realises it’s you.

“It’s y/n!” He calls over his shoulder which encourages Jake to follow after him, both men entering the park and crouching down in front of you.

“Hey, kid. What happened?” Jake says softly, noticing the cuts on your knees before straightening up slightly, looking around for Maverick as you sniffle, trying to compose yourself.

“I fell. I want daddy.” You whimper, hands pressing down on your knees harshly as more tears dribble down your cheeks.

“Where did Mav go, y/n/n?” Bradley asks softly, gently lifting your hands off your knees so he can inspect the injuries on your knees. You remove one of your hands from Bradley’s gentle grip and point in the direction of the building you had watched your dad head into not too long ago.

“I’ll go and find him. You stay with the kid.” Jake says, standing up after exchanging a look with Bradley. He knew Bradley was one of your favourite people aside from your dad and that Bradley was practically an older brother to you. At Jake’s words, Bradley nods and watches as Jake exits the park and makes his way into Maverick’s office building. The second Jake is out of sight, Bradley focuses his attention back on you and starts trying to calm you down and distract you from your injuries.

Inside, Maverick was just about ready to get up and leave after being carefully herded into Cyclone’s office to listen to him droning on about his new training ideas after shooting down Maverick’s own ideas. Then there was a knock on the door, halting Beau mid-sentence.

“Come in.” He called towards the door, his face displaying his displeasure at being disturbed. Maverick turned towards the door, curious to see who was knocking at the door and was somewhat surprised to see Jake on the other side.

“Sir, I need Maverick.” Jake says, still standing to attention despite neither man being in uniform, the action coming purely out of instinct.

“You can relax Hangman. Why do you need Maverick?” Beau asks, leaning back in his chair as the younger pilot visibly relaxes upon being given permission to do so.

“y/n fell over and hurt herself in the park. She wants her dad.” The moment the words left Jake’s mouth, Maverick was on his feet and leaving the office without so much as a goodbye and Jake was quick to follow after him.

“What happened?” Maverick asked as the two of them walked through the corridor.

“I don’t know exactly but me and Bradshaw found her in the park crying and her knees are bleeding, so my best guess is she tripped and fell.” Jake explains as best he can while following Maverick towards the door.

“Bradley’s here?” Maverick asks, briefly halting in his tracks to look at Jake.

“Yeah, he’s with y/n right now.” Jake says, quickly averting eye contact and continuing to walk to avoid Maverick potentially questioning why Bradley and Jake had been hanging out together. He wasn’t ready for any relationship stuff to come clean just yet.

“y/n!” Maverick called over the moment he exited the building, catching sight of you sitting on Bradley’s lap as he sat on the swing, swinging ever so slightly as he wiped the few remaining tears from your cheeks.

“Daddy!” You call out for your dad, reaching out towards him as Bradley stands up, keeping you in his arms as he brings you over to your dad.

“Oh, what happened, sweetheart?” Maverick says softly, inspecting your knees gently before Bradley transfers you from his arms to your dad’s.

“I fell.” You whisper, your voice still thick with tears as you talk.

“Well I’ve got you now y/n/n.” Maverick coos gently, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and glancing over at Bradley.

“I would’ve cleaned her up, but I didn’t have anything.” Bradley says apologetically watching Maverick hold you and pepper your head in kisses.

“It’s okay, Bradley. Thank you. Both of you. You looked after y/n, and you saved me from spending hours trapped in Cyclone’s office on a Saturday.” Maverick thanks the two men, each of them letting out a small chuckle at the thought of Maverick being banned from leaving Cyclone’s office.

“You don’t need to thank us. She wanted you so we got you. It’s the least we could do. She’s a good kid.” Jake says softly, extending a hand towards you for a high-five which you give to him with a small smile.

“Alright, I’m going to take her to get cleaned up, so I’ll let you two get on with the rest of your day.” Maverick says, bidding the two men goodbye with a friendly wink before heading back into his office building and successfully making it into his office without being found by Cyclone.

“Okay y/n/n, you sit right here while I find the first aid kit.” Maverick says, sitting down on his desk and placing his papers beside you before searching the room for the first aid kit, holding it up triumphantly when he found it and smiling at the little giggle that escaped you upon seeing your dad’s actions. Maverick places the first aid kit on the desk and opens it, quickly locating antibacterial wipes and some plasters to put on your knees.

“This is going to sting a little, but I promise I’ll be quick.” Maverick says gently, pressing a kiss atop your head as he removes the wipe from the packaging and works as quickly as possible on cleaning your knees.

“It hurts, daddy.” You whimper, tearing up when the stinging sensation spreads across your knees.

“I know sweetheart. I’m almost… done!” Maverick says, quickly withdrawing the wipe, tossing it aside and grabbing a couple of plasters, placing them over the cuts and pressing a kiss atop each one, promising you that his special kisses will help the plasters make you feel better. Once he’s finished, Maverick throws out all the rubbish, returns the first aid kit to where it was before and then scoops you up in his arms, making sure to grab his paperwork too.

“Let’s head home, how’s that sound?” Maverick asks as you nod, winding your arms around his neck and cuddling close. Maverick exits his office and carries you out to his car, strapping you into your car seat before getting behind the driver’s seat and making the journey home.

When you make it home, Maverick parks the car in the driveway and grabs his paperwork before heading to the backseats and moving you from your car seat to his arms and carrying you indoors. He sits you down on the sofa before putting his paperwork down on the table, so he knows to come back to it later and then heads into the kitchen to grab you a snack and a bottle of water before returning to you in the living room and sitting himself down on the sofa alongside you.

“Can I watch Paddington?” You ask quietly, already clambering onto your dad’s lap as he winds a protective arm around you to keep you close.

“You can watch Paddington.” Maverick replies softly, willing to do just about anything to make up for the fact he wasn’t there when you hurt yourself. He puts the film on and leans back on the sofa, letting you get comfortable before cuddling you close as the movie begins to play. Maverick holds you as the movie plays, smiling as you let out little giggles at the bear’s antics on tv.

Eventually, about halfway through the movie, the events of the day begin to catch up to you and you begin to drift off to sleep, placing your head on your dad’s chest, right where his heart was so his steady heartbeat could lull you to sleep.

It took Maverick a couple of minutes to notice that you had fallen asleep, only noticing when he felt your grip tighten on his shirt which prompted him to look down and see you curled up against him fast asleep which Maverick swore could’ve melted him down into a puddle right then and there.

“I love you, sweetheart.” Maverick mutters, running a hand through your hair and kissing the top of your head before settling back further into the sofa cushions.

Maverick’s own eyes soon started to drift shut and he didn’t fight them for a second. He had his little girl curled up against him and he didn’t need anything more or less.

[dollwritesarchive]

If you are still acepting ideas for kinktober, maybe sexual mindbreak (kinda like brainwashing by pleasure???) with any character of your liking from Twisted Wonderland? Or public casual cockwarming? ....AAAAAaaAa I hope those aren't too weird or hardcore

yes!! omg don’t worry love, not at all too weird or hardcore 💕 i chose mindbreak because i already have a cockwarmimg fic for kinktober & i chose idia because i’ve been itching to write some crazy yandere idia!!

𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒 ( 𝒾 𝓉𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ) ⎹ 𝓘.𝓢.

❝ ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ⤻ twisted wonderland / kinktober 2022 / @dollsotome-library

❝ ғᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ⤻ yandere idia shroud x reader ( f! )

❝ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⤻ nsfw! none of my writings are meant for anyone under the age of 18, and any minors interacting will be blocked on site.

❝ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs ⤻ dark fic, dubcon turned consensual, mindbreak, past bondage mention, idia has some homemade toys for reader, overstimulation and multiple orgasms, anal and vaginal penetration, suggested hostage / stockholm syndrome

❝ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ⤻ 1.3k / mini musing

❝ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴇ ⤻ i do not consent to having my work reposted / translated / stolen in any capacity for any reason. please reblog and leave a comment to support content creators! my work is very rarely proof read so mistakes may be present. all characters / pairings i write for are 18+ with no exceptions.

Idia was terrified of being away from you. just the thought of you left unsupervised on campus with your fellow classmates was enough to send him into a fit of jealousy— he wished he could go with you to every class and ensure that not a one even spoke to you, but the need to stay hidden was just as overwhelming.

still, he knew what a gem he had in you, and surely the others could see it, too.

what if they tried to steal you from him?

he couldn’t let that happen.

that was why he’d brought you to his dorm, and you’d never left. with tablet in hand, as he sat as his desk, he watched your visage squirm on the bed in the other room. he could hear you moaning from the open door to his left, and every single time you’d call out for him he wanted to sprint to you, attack you, and bury himself so deep inside you that you felt him in your bones. but every time, he’s restrained himself. you hadn’t been ready.

however, when you cried out this time, and your back arched off the bed, he could hear the desperation for him in your voice, and he knew you were ready.

his hands were shaking, so he gripped the tablet with one and shoved the other in his hoodie when he meandered into the bedroom— he knew the second he caught sight of you squirming on his bed he was done for. one hand up against the pillow, and the other gripping your own breast, your hips were rutting up into the air, and his little project, two thick and pumping dildos fastened to a makeshift chastity belt, was whirring at the speed he’d set. you’d endured so many orgasms today alone that there was already a puddled wet patch of sheets under you, and your thighs glistened with sweat and essence. from where he stood in the doorway, he could see the base of each, thrusting into you at opposite rhythms, keeping both of your holes occupied. and then there were the vibrators: three high powered, blue bullets that he’d modified with tacky, flat bases that were stuck to your body— one glued to your clit beneath the waistband of the device, and the other two sucking on either nipple.

the goal had been to override your brain with so much pleasure that it simply malfunctioned. and, by the glassy look in your eyes and the drunken half smile on your lips when you saw him watching you, it’d worked. maybe he’d even overdone it.

his eyes fall to your wrists. he made a mental note that the rope burn had almost completely healed. restraints were no longer needed, you didn’t tell him that you wanted to go back to your own dorm anymore, you didn’t beg for him to turn the device down or to let you go back to class.

“I—Idia…!” you mewl, grinding into the air.

Idia took his time though, taking slow steps into the room, and his golden gaze drops to the tablet in his hand; one swipe of his thumb and he’d switched over to the device’s accompanying app, and he rolled the pad of his finger along the virtual dial. the machinery whines in response, pumping into you faster and harder. “It’s hard to focus on doing both of our assignments when you moan that pretty,” he muttered, but he was breathless. you gasp, and your head drops back, and his heart skips a beat. “You’re… so damn distracting…” he comes closer, watching you with hungry eyes, and his free hand comes up, pushing wild blue flames away from his face. they hiss in submission, curling behind his ears and down his back as he sits on the bed beside your writhing form. “Should I make you another cock to suck on while I work to quieten you down?” but truth be told, he didn’t want to do that. if he couldn’t hear you moaning, whimpering, screaming out in ecstasy— then it wasn’t worth it.

you push your lower lip out in a heart-melting pout, trying to force your heavily lidded eyes to stay open so you can look up at him, “Mmm— missed you…” you pant, both of your hands grabbing at his hoodie, trying to pull him closer. “Missed— you—“

heart pounding, fingers twitching, Idia’s eyes are alight with joy to hear how needy you sounded, and feel you pawing for him. “Say that again.” it was almost a plea as he scoots closer, dropping the tablet against the ocean of sheets. both hands grab and cradle your face.

“I missed you!” you moan, eyes threatening to roll back from how furiously you were being stretched and filled.

the confession alone is enough to have his cock twitching against his thigh, and he leans closer, until he can feel your hot, little puffs of breath on his mouth. “You want me to stay with you?” you nod, squirming, “Beg me, baby.”

“Please, Idia, mmnn, please please stay with me!”

“And you don’t ever want to leave me?”

you shake your head, brows knitting together. your breathing was ragged, and your toes kept curling, the muscles in your thighs and your belly contracting— you were on the brink of another orgasm.

“You’ll… never… ever… leave me.” he rasps out, lips ghosting over yours as he forms each word. you’re desperate to taste his lips, your own parting and trying to catch his, whispering each word he says under your breath as if reciting a mantra. “You’re mine. You’re happy to be mine.”

“I’m happy, fuck, Idia, I’m so happy!” another nod, and you hold on to his hoodie for dear life, “Kiss me, please,” you whine, “kiss…”

it was beyond tempting, and his tongue flicks at his couplet in anticipation, but he merely stares at your expression as your eyes close, before pressing an open mouthed kiss to your temple. “You’re close, aren’t you, baby?” he asks, and he glances to the tablet on the bed as you nuzzle your face into his neck. you didn’t even mind when the flames of his bangs flicked at your cheeks, you peppered his cool skin in loving, sloppy kisses instead. “So close…” with your face smushed against his throat, you nod, fervent, and he reaches over to tap twice on the screen of his tablet.

the device slowed to a stop, and you began to fidget, babbling in protest and trying to rock against the toys. “W—wait, wait, wait, I—“

“Shh,” Idia replies, kissing all over your forehead, willowy digit tapping another button and swiping; the machine releases from your body, toys pulling out, and then falls against the bed, “shh, baby, hold on to it. Don’t let it slip,” he’s already shoving the device aside and peeling out of his hoodie, nudging himself between your trembling, open legs, “this one is mine. I want to fuck it out of you myself.”

you stare up at him, eyes glazed and mouth hanging open. you’re happy. “I’m yours.” you whimper.

you’re happy.

you’re so fucking happy to be his.

[inamindfarfaraway]

Duke Thomas: Another story I’ve heard about myself, this one happened while I was in We Are Robin. Remember that? All the cool kids would take to the streets in masks, fighting crime, saving lives, being like “Hell yeah, we're all Robin!”. And there was this guy I knew who had a twelve-year-old son. His name is Batman and his son’s name is Robin. Robin had been fighting crime for two years longer than me, but he’s three years younger and spent most of his childhood in a murder cult, so it pretty much evens out as to who is behind who in life. And Robin was an asshole. So is Batman, but that's less noteworthy because he's always been like that. But Robin used to be nice. My friends and I, we admire him. We love the idea of him. We love what he represents. It's just an unfortunate fact that this child, when you meet him in person, is gratuitously mean. He'd be like "Desist, you impostors! I am the only real Robin! You are disgraces to all you hold dear!" and cut us with his steel sword.

And one day he decided to leave town for most of a year, which you should never do if you're an asshole. And at this time, Batman had amnesia; he had died for a minute fighting the Joker and got his brain repaired by magic and forgot who he was, forgot that he was Batman; so he was leading a happy, normal life for a bit. And everyone in We Are Robin noticed that Batman and Robin were gone, and we all got up individually and thought, ‘Okay, let's get into the Batcave and destroy the place.’ We wanted to do this not because it was easy, but because it was hard. Breaking into the Batcave is one of those things that's so awesome that you're basically obligated to do it if you can, and being both teenagers and the kind of people to become a street gang of volunteer vigilantes, we thought we had a shot. And we did! Oracle let us right in because she too knows that Batman and Robin are assholes and thought it would be hilarious. And she was right. She's very clever like that. She did a wonderful job, turned off the alarms, opened the gates, edited the security footage, kept the Bats away from the cave all night. I should mention that she was an adult, so our actions were her responsibility.

I walked into this party. More kids than I even knew the movement had were there and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world. People were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. It was totally unsupervised. We were like dogs without horses, we were running wild. I walked down, I walked through to the display area. They had a giant penny from an adventure. One dude took a running start and threw his body into the giant penny and knocked it over. Another kid sat on the Batcomputer keyboard and took a shit on it. So the party was going great.

I'm standing in the Batcave, and I'm holding a red cup; you’ve seen movies. And I'm standing there and I'm holding a red cup and I'm starting to black out, and I guess someone said, like, “Something, something, Superman”. And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled, “FUCK METROPOLIS! FUCK METROPOLIS!" And everyone else joined in. A hundred drunk children dressed in unofficial Robin gear yelling, “FUCK METROPOLIS!”. With the confidence of people who’ve seen death and aren't afraid of it anymore; you know that, like, ‘It doesn’t matter if I survive, what matters is that it needs to be done!’ confidence. The reason someone had said, “Something, something, Superman” was because Superman was there. He had heard us with his super hearing. So the Man of Steel himself flew into the cave and got to the main area and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling, “FUCK METROPOLIS!” in his face. But he was almost impressed. He was like “Wow”.

Then he leaned into his Justice League communicator and asked, “Oracle, what the heck?”

And my friend Dax - who invented his own grappling hook guns, this man is a genius - he grabbed a smoke bomb, threw it on the ground and yelled, “Scatter!” And everyone ran in different directions. We all ran in different directions. It was like that scene in Ratatouille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways. We all ran in different directions. I ran across a bridge and I jumped over the Batmobile and I slid down a banister and now I'm running along the underground river and there was this big pitch-black passage in the rock and I thought, ‘I've never gone somewhere that dark before’. And then I woke up at home.

The next day, I went on patrol, because that's what we did back then. And I'm walking into an alleyway and who do I see but Nightwing? And he says to me, “Are you aware that the Batcave was infiltrated last night?”

And I said, “No.” You know, like a liar.

"Oracle, Red Robin and I are investigating it, but we could use We Are Robin’s help.” And he didn’t approve of us at all. He would never have acknowledged us as heroes, let alone ask us for help, unless he felt utterly desperate. “This wasn’t just a thief or a spy. It was a villain with a personal vendetta sending a message of malice and disrespect. They bypassed the security flawlessly, but caused obvious damage inside. They knocked over the giant penny. They took a shit on the Batcomputer. But the worst thing” he says, “the worst thing is that they stole a photo of Robin II.” Robin II, the one after Nightwing and before Red Robin, was murdered by the Joker when he was fifteen. This is Nightwing’s dead little brother. So he’s trying to stay calm in front of me, but he’s freaking out about it.

And I had a thought that Batman, for comparison, was having around the same time about a lifetime of courage and altruism: did... did I do that?

I figured, no. I wouldn't have done that. But I was never sure.

Until a year later. Relax. I'm playing video games with this guy named Jason, who also used to be a Robin. A year later, we don't call ourselves Robin anymore. We're playing video games for a couple hours, and then Jason says to me, “Hey, come here. I want to show you something”, and he takes me into his bedroom and then he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom - never a good thing to have. He shows me a tiny room that is covered wall-to-wall in stolen photos of the second Robin from different Batcave break-ins over the years. Mementos of a murdered child superhero taken from his family.

And I said, “Why? Why do you do this?”

And Jason said, “Because it's the one thing they can't replace.”

That's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that, right? That's crazy. So I don't drink anymore.

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 11!!

Okay so I had Life being Life, then a bit of Writer's Block (sort of), then a bit of a hangover, BUT I GOT IT DONE. So here we go.

Beginning || Previous || Next

************

When you wake up the next morning, you once again find Anathema sitting at the large dining table surrounded by her books and tools. This time, though, Aziraphale and Crowley are with her. Aziraphale has his tiny glasses on and is flipping through a book, a cup of tea next to him, no doubt cold. Crowley is on his phone, and you can hear the sound effects of Candy Crush from here. He has a mug in front of him too, but it’s steaming and smells of coffee.

“Good morning,” Anathema says to you.

“Morning!” You respond, heading into the kitchen. Here, you can see that someone has bought a box of bagels, and you help yourself to one and make a coffee before returning to the dining room and having a seat across from Anathema.

“So,” You say, taking a bite out of your bagel (dear Reader, I personally am imagining just eating it like a donut because I can), “How are the readings coming?”

“Well,” Anathema starts, “I got some vague vibrations yesterday and I have a theory.”

“Oh?”

“The vibrations were very faint, mind you, but I think they were coming from the southwest. So I’m going to try going to that edge of the city today and try again. With any luck I’ll have a better idea of where we’re traveling to by tomorrow.”

“Awesome!” You reply

“Thanks! Aziraphale is going to go with me.”

“And I am not,” Crowley says definitively. You smirk behind your coffee mug.

“Still sulking over yesterday, are we?” You ask him, trying your best to imitate his eyebrow.

“No. It just sounds boring.”

“Well we could hang out today,” You suggest brightly. Crowley makes a noise that is non-committal and mono-syllabic. “I’ll take that as a yes!”

“That sounds like a splendid idea,” Aziraphale offers in place of Crowley, “Perhaps you can find us a car to rent. I have a feeling that we will be leaving the city soon, and we won’t want to be walking will we?” He chuckles to himself, and you nod in agreement.

“Perfect,” You say with a smile as you finish off your breakfast.

----------------

“So!” You start casually as the pair of you wander down the street, “What mischief are we going to get up to? Are we gluing coins to the sidewalk? Are we going to find someplace busy and just walk REALLY slowly? Take up both sides of the escalator? Oh! We could ride the bus and request every stop without ever getting off!”

Crowley stops walking and looks at you. His eyebrow has practically merged with his hairline.

“Is that what you lot think I do?”

“Well, uh...basically yes,” You reply uncertainly. Just as you’re starting to wonder if you should be re-evaluating everything you know about how Crowley operates, he smirks with a satisfied hum.

“Good. Glad to know my finer talents are appreciated somewhere.”

Oh he has no idea. You decide not to inflate his ego too far. Yet.

“So what do you want to do?”

Crowley produces a bag of frozen peas from nowhere. A light bulb goes off in your brain.

“Oh! Ducks!”

“Ducks.”

And so you head for Central Park.

--------------

Finding the ducks doesn’t take too long. Neither does emptying the bag of frozen peas. In the end, you both find a bench and have a seat. It feels strangely like you’re filling in for Aziraphale.

“So what happened yesterday with Anathema?” You ask after a while.

“I have no idea what you mean,” he replies, shifting around on the bench. Alright, enough of this. You turn to stare at him.

“What do I mean, okay. I mean that you spent two days running around like an unsupervised kid, spend one afternoon with Anathema, and suddenly when I literally give you permission to be a mischievous shit, all you want to do is feed the ducks.”

It almost looks like he’s chewing on something. Words maybe, you figure. Maybe he feels that if he chews them enough, they’ll come out easier. He must realize it doesn’t work like that because after a few seconds he answers your question.

“She may have mentioned that my having too much fun might bring the Metatron back around. Back to Aziraphale. Especially since he didn’t seem to have much trouble finding you in Heathrow. He probably knows where we are.”

Oh. That’s actually a fair point. You take a minute and think about it.

“Yeah, he probably does, but I don’t think he’s going to try anything just yet. I mean, his tactics are straight out of the Fairytale Villain Playbook. So he’s probably going to hold back for a bit to see if I start to crack and then go back to him.”

“Book Girl still has a point, though. Don’t wanna bring him out before we have to.”

“Okay,” You pause for a minute, considering the obvious compromise that Crowley doesn’t seem to have touched on yet. But then again, sometimes you just need someone to give you permission – even if it’s something you already know. “So how about we don’t have too much fun, but we have just a little bit of fun. Like we go souvenir shopping and buy a t shirt with small change. Keep stuff in moderation, yeah?”

“Hm,” Crowley leans back farther if that’s even possible, considering your proposition. “I do somewhat fancy one of those I Heart NY shirts.”

“Same actually. Did you create those by any chance? Just curious.”

His smile is toothy and smug. Instead of answering, he lifts himself off the bench.

“Come on then, Reader,” he says, “Let’s buy some souvenirs.”

“Reader?” You answer, getting up and following him.

“Well what else am I gonna call you? You keep talking about how much you read and I already have Book Girl. Need to keep all you straight somehow don’t I?”

----------------

Not very long afterwards, you find yourself wandering around the city again, this time sporting I Heart NY merch and cheap star-shaped sunglasses. Crowley has swapped out his normal shades for a pair of shutter shades. A couple of times now you’ve had to grab his arm to keep him from walking into poles. And once, he nearly sauntered his way down a flight of stairs that he was certain had come out of nowhere. He still hasn’t switched back to his normal sunglasses.

“Okay what about Monopoly?” You ask him.

“Nope. That was an American who made that I think. No idea who it even was.”

“Mario Kart?”

Crowley snorts. “No.”

“What about fake pockets?”

“If anyone asks, yes. But otherwise, actually, no.”

“What about...multi-level marketing schemes?”

“I…what? No. But I definitely told Hell that I did.”

“Okay well then what did you actually invent?”

Crowley stops and looks at you through those ridiculous shutter shades. He smirks like the Cheshire Cat as he answers.

“As little as physically possible.”

“So you did basically nothing, and just took credit for everything?”

“YuP.” He pops the plosive at the end with a self-satisfied head-waggle.

“Brilliant.”

“Thank you. It’s nice to talk to someone who gets it.”

“It really is, isn’t it?” You turn and give him a hug. Sometimes, you just need to hug your demon.

“Ngk. What’s this?” He’s clearly uncomfortable, so you let go. He doesn’t say anything else about the hug, but he buys you an ice cream.

And he pays with pennies.

----------

The hotel room is quiet when you both return. After a quick search, you find that Aziraphale and Anathema aren’t back yet. That’s not...a great sign. But you’re determined not to panic.

“I’ll order some room service. You want anything?”

“Nah, I’ll wait.”

So he’s worried too. Alright. You place your order and turn on the tv. You try to care about the Big Bang Theory reruns, but you can’t relax just yet. Both of you sit in quiet tension until the door finally opens to Anathema and Aziraphale. Their moods are joyful, and you feel the dark cloud just lift away.

“Hey guys,” You say, “I just ordered some room service. I wasn’t sure when you two were coming back.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale practically sings, “I’ll get the menus. I’m certain they won’t mind adding on to the order.” He leaves the room. Anathema’s face is bright.

“I found out where we need to go. Did you find us a car?”

Oh. Whoops.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

Beginning || Previous || Next

[captcoups]

[🐶] mr. clumsy (k.m)

✤ kim mingyu x reader / idol!svt / non.idol!you / established relationship / 703 words / fluff, silly 🌸🤡 ✤ in which mingyu is an accident waiting to happen (that sometimes doesn’t happen whenever you’re here). [masterlist ⛵️]

it’s no secret that mingyu has butter fingers... or sometimes, his whole body is butter. not in a sexy way, either. the clumsy kind that either makes him lose his footing, land the wrong way, grab the wrong end; an accumulated deadly combinations that makes you wonder how kim mingyu is still alive.

then again, given that he’s working on his body, building that strength, maybe he’s able to combat his unluckiness with–”ah!” a yelp that cuts through the group’s murmurs and chatters is what captures your attention. in the midst of helping others with their life vests, apparently you hadn’t kept your eye on the one you should’ve been the whole time. it was a group trip of coming out to the beach with water activities scheduled and really, you should’ve kept kim mingyu on the agenda the whole time.

letting your feet thread past the sand to get to him, he’s already a pouty mess when you stand in front of him with an amused smile. his hands smoothen over your waist despite being strapped in and you see the way he’s tangled up in the straps.

“how are you so smart but so dumb at the same time?” you mutter under your breath, shaking your head as you begin undoing his previous attempts at trying to be safe. he huffs and blows the fringe from his face, “not my fault you left me unsupervised,”

you scoff and make your way through the knots he’s mindlessly made, “this isn’t the way you’re supposed to fasten the vest,” 

the silence that greets you makes you peek up to him and see how he presses his lips to a thin line, looking away, “...i was trying to be creative.”

“a life vest isn’t something to be creative about,” you mumble, now fixing his mistakes to strap him in properly. when you check a couple of times to make sure it’s on him right, you sigh when you meet with mingyu’s puppy eyes. it’s a wonder how a man with his frame and physique could still feel small under your gaze. his strong arms sliding around your waist are a reminder of how he’s able to protect you but it’s in the moments like these, mingyu feels safe with you.

“maybe it’s a sign,” he grins, leaning his forehead on yours.

“what sign?” you chuckle, hands resting on his shoulders.

“a sign that you should be by my side all the time.”

“what’s in it for me?”

“we’ll trade. your brains for my brawn,” he gives your body a squeeze, “and because i’m nice, i’ll throw in love and affection, too.”

“guess i can’t reject such a good offer,” you smile, allowing a hand go through his hair and he nuzzles into your touch so sweetly that it doesn’t reflect the words he’s saying: “it was never up for rejection,” he squints his eyes at you, “you’re stuck with me.”

well, not like you were planning on leaving, anyway.

((on the boat, already mingyu’s fussing on where to hold for support that he reaches up to hold the ceiling. wordlessly, you reach up to peel his hand from the ceiling to place it on the railing behind the both of you, earning yourself a kiss to the cheek as he murmurs a soft thank you.

jeonghan chuckles and shakes his head, leaning against chan, “that was an accident waiting to happen.”

chan bites his tongue to say something but when he meets mingyu’s gaze, he can’t help himself–”hyung, might as well you strap yourself to the top of the boat, yeah?”

mingyu blinks a few times, then sinking in his mind that chan was taking a jab at seeing him trying to keep himself balanced by pressing his palm to the ceiling.

“eh, i mean, if y/n’s up for it, i don’t mind.”

you scoff a laugh and turn to meet chan’s eyes, “you can go first. then we’ll follow suit.”

that gets chan to lean back and cough a sorry.

mingyu snuggles against you with a shit-eating-grin on his face, poking his tongue at chan who already pins in his mind to push mingyu into the water at least three times after this.))

[terrence-silver]

(This is the plot opening to the movie Mulholland Drive) If beloved was a victim of a car crash but she survives with scars on all over body with amnesia and is seen stumbling down Los Angeles by Terry, what do you think he’d do when he sees her?

---

To reference my previous post here but, yeah, finders keepers?

He has a perfect opportunity to do, oh, I don't know, just about whatever he wants and simultaneously seem like the hero? The benefactor? Have complete and utter control over a situation and an individual? Appear like a kind man saving a car crash survivor? All while tenderly molding the person? Utilizing their amnesia to make himself whatever in reference to them and vice versa, effectively invading their life? Pushing aside any and all family members because he'll pretend to be concerned for beloved's mental state and how many people they should be around in the first place to ''avoid overburdening their traumatized psyche', all while, in reality, he wants to be the only one on their mind from now on. Nobody else. Practically abducting beloved from the world by alerting pretty much nobody of importance that he found a full blown person next to a vehicle wreckage. Again! It's for beloved's benefit, he promises! Their brain needs rest. Their body too. You'll find this man has an excuse and a valid, moral-sounding explanation for everything, all while selling the whole situation like there's no strings attached. That he has noble intentions in mind. That Terry Silver's merely doing this --- this whole business of taking someone like this under his wing out of sheer unselfishness, unable to let some poor, poor lost lamb wonder the highway bloodied and bruised?

He's too much of an sweet hearted man to do that, don't you know?

But, of course, we know nothing's for free and that he seldom ever does anything without an agenda, if ever, that he's ultimately claiming beloved in their most vulnerable state, leaving out any and all authorities from the issue (or promptly bribing them off) bypassing every rule of ethics and usurping beloved's whole life into his own, making himself indispensable, necessary, the support network of the century. He can sell whatever lies he wishes to them, tell whatever truths he deems fit, give way to half-truths, partial truths, twisted truths, gaslight them, shape their memories however he pleases, manipulate them, seduce them, isolate them, take them into private treatment off the records instead of maintaining them in a hospital because it's frightening what a powerful person with money can get away with, make it seem like his presence here is entirely beloved's idea because they need him ---- look at the state of them after all; they absolutely cannot be unsupervised and no, no, Terry's conscience cannot allow him to leave them, at least until he's sure they're better, basically wiggling his way in and seeming like a saint while he does it, making beloved seem like the unreasonable party for doubting him or wanting privacy --- they barely survived and yet they shrug away any and all help, especially when he's offering help so readily and with so much passion --- he could have beloved feeling irrational, indebted and ungrateful in no time, and himself, as the ever-understanding best friend in the whole wide world they didn't know they lacked until now. Look at the all the things he's done for them, after all; their recovery resort is a palatial mansion, they've a waiting staff, private nurses (probably contractually obliged into silence) and an array of security, for their own protection, even though, he's here. He'll protect them. What happened to them will never happen again. He'll look after them. He'll look after them so well.

But, that's why Terry loves LA.

Opportunities like this are sprawled out in the streets in front of him every day, and all he has to do is find them, recognize their worth, potential or in beloved's case, there was a literal diamond chunk on the highway, and since he's picked it up, cleaned it, polished it, it's his for the keeping. Into his pocket it goes. The rules of the game are what you make them. Everything he'll plant inside of beloved's head will be infinitely better than whatever their life previously was considering their previous existence didn't have him. Boo. And clearly, whoever beloved's original social circle was allowed them to total their car and nearly die --- something Terry takes immensely personally, holding an outright grudge over the whole thing and everyone involved, refusing to view and accident as an accident; more like a reason to retaliate. A reason for revenge. Not that he won't utilize the needed channels to find out everything about beloved anyway outside of his conditioning because he'll feel it's his right to know the same way it's his right to withhold whatever it is he knows. As I said; finders keepers. Beloved's mind, body and soul all belong to him now.

[anexperimentallife]

On one hand, it's kind of cool that kids flock to me whenever we go anywhere, because it must mean I have good vibes. (I know part of it here in SE Asia is that my whiteness is a novelty, but it happened in white neighborhoods in my home country, as well--just to a lesser degree.)

On the other hand, I am autistic, with ADHD and a traumatic brain injury, so when I'm trying to focus on supervising and playing with my toddler at the playground, I get easily overwhelmed when other kids bombard me non-stop with demands for attention. Especially when my daughter is crying because she hurt herself or something, and the other kids are STILL demanding my attention.

It's like, kids, I am so, so sorry that you feel like you have to beg for attention from strangers, but I have to keep track of my own child, so no, although I am sympathetic to your tale of being bullied at school, and I am trying to listen to this other child's story about what they had for breakfast, I cannot go over to watch you climb the monkey bars or push your friend on the swing, and I also worry that your adults are leaving you unsupervised for so long.

I actually had to tap out the other day and ask @thesurestthing to take over for me, because as much as I love hanging out with my little girl, I COULD NOT handle that degree of overstimulation.

[rapunzelforlorn]

I made my friend watch heartstopper and here are his reactions

Part 2!

(Season 2)

Ep1

They're too cutsie...understandable

Secret rendezvous

Do they ever not lock lips lmao

A proper couple mates when they aren't smooching

Tao's really warming up to Nick

Tao & Elle being cute

Imogen is good friend

And her dog 😍😍

GSCE like SAT?

Why yell quiet when it was already quiet???

Ben trying to talk to Nick, be buddy buddy ick 🤢

Rugby is BACK

Aye, rugby lad warming up to Charlie?

Flirt with Tao!!

Two month anniversary

Why do only high schoolers celebrate monthly anniversaries?

Kissing in the locker room...boy things

Paris trip mentioned

I wish Tori would hang- Mysterious but supportive

Elle flirting making Tao nervous is everything

Issac single and in his lane as always

Imogen the ✨️Ally✨️

Tao the model

Nick genuinely trying to connect with Tao over a hard situation and him getting overly sensitive

I feel like Tao picked the movie for the night

I'm bisexual actually

NOT BEN!!!! NO IMOGEN NOOOOO

These heartstopper moments got me feeling a type of way

Isaac never leaves that book, is it the same book?

And actually he's bisexual

"Hanky-panky"

Why does Tori use a straw at all times?

Charlie wanting to be protective is great 💜

Ep2

Charlie's grades slipping?

Tao also struggling?

Fuck Ben!

The ban seems...unfair

Nick has a brother??

Charlie's room is rather dark

Makes me wonder why I didn't do school work, it actually wasn't that difficult

Poor Imogen 😭

Who's this new girl??

Elle&Tao's "relationship" becoming p a i n f u l

What happened to 🤢 Ben's other "girlfriend"?

"I hate you cause you literally assaulted him"

What's Nick's deal with his brother? And vice versa

Do we like David?

Just do your coursework Charlie!

Why is sharing clothes a form of romance that isn't romanticized enough?

Charlie offering study advice & help to Nick when he's ALSO struggling

Elle's fits on point as always

The representation in this show is unmatched

Tao might be getting jealous

Is Tao a single parent household?

Imogen 🥺

Nick having ✨️anxiety✨️

Charlie gonna get in trouble 👀

Elle & Tao 🥺🥺🥺

Nick made him watch a marvel movie!!! Tao was right about him 🤣

I'll have a cup of tea, so briiish of him

David...oh Nellie doesn't like David either all I need to know

Fuck David

I'm bi actually!!

David is such a dick!!

Charlie's in trouble now 😬😬

Mom's stern but she's just concerned

Nick's abs 👀👀

Nick being brave and reassuring Charlie

Oh Tao's little heart

Just apple?

Tao does only have his mom 🥺

Fight for love Tao💪💜

Ep3

Issac's dream date is amazing 👏

Tao over thinking the date plan

Rugby lads 🥺

"Good Mates"

Smooching in school again

THEY GOT CAUGHT!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

At least the coach seems reasonable

Go coach!!!

Google's "how to ask out friend?"

Charlie you are a liar!

Issac is so cute

Come on Charlie get it done!!

The teacher kicking out the students 😂

Tara & Darcy don't say I love you??

Isaac 👀👀

Feels like Nick is rushing himself to come out

Oh darn boys & girls can't share rooms

Tao 💀💀💀 over the top

They're so awkward

Tori's at the party 🥳

This is such a big unsupervised party, with alcohol and a bonfire, something bad is gonna happen

That's so much popcorn for the two of them

They're being so awkward 😅

Tao you dork

Darcy is really weirded out about the "L" word

Tao's gonna muck this up

This turned into a fucking rager

Nick is visibly uncomfy with Harry

TAO!!! SHUT YOUR MOUTH & BRAIN UP

Tori came to the party to sit by herself...in the dark...I'm sure she's only there for Charlie but still

Nick is having a BAD time

Charlie to the rescue!

Nick's mom is so sweet

Charlie is so good at comforting Nick on his journey to come out

Interesting is only Elle who's been talked about going to any sort of schooling after high school

Wanting to tell the world about your partner is such a relatable feeling, I feel for you Charlie

Ep4

Paris trip already?

Charlie doesn't seem sure about being sure

Aren't they sharing rooms??

Why is Faruk always yelling?

Isaac not as worldly as I thought

Nick & Tao bonding again?

Nick's dad's French??

I like these bonding moments

Darcy has a point, if we're REALLY underwater why can't we see the fish?? Real questions

Feels like a short drive

Darcy playing dumb about the "L" word incident

Ben is such a fucking jealous creep!! 😫

Isaac never leaves his book

Tao & Isaac splitting the beds feels very dickish but unintentionally

Mr. Faruk & Mr. Ajayi 👀

These are very very small rooms

Love a good breakfast bar

Tao is such a dork

"I wanted to share a bed with you" -C

"I'm sure we'll get to do it someday" -N

Nick you beautiful dummy 🥰

They're gonna miss breakfast

I couldn't imagine a trip like this as a high schoolers

Ben is SUCH A DICK!!

Let Imogen be happy and do couple shit

Darcy calling Tara the mischief maker 😂

My dad's French sounds like such a secret

Charlie being jealous of Tara & Darcy is understandable

And then the reverse Tara being jealous

Darcy...how do you go from mint chocolate chip to strawberry of all flavors, that's not a jump I can accept

Charli not eating??

Oh baby is depressed

Museum dates are also underrated, go enjoy some art with someone you like

I don't think your supposed to photograph the artwork Tao

They make such a better couple "being friends"

Tao knows French?

They both admire each other so much

Poor Imogen stuck with that pos Ben, I can already see it running her trip

Yes! Hang with the gang Imogen

Elle asking good questions lol

Imogen is so smart, so smart

Tao is best when goofy

This poor restaurant dealing with this whole school of kids

Ben next to Charlie 😖😖

Tao would order snails

Awkward dinner seating

Got AWFUL quite all the sudden 😳😳

Go Imogen!!

Woooooah, Harry being a voice of reason?!?

I think that's Harry?

Imogen is the coolest

Again Tao & Nick bonding is my absolute favorite thing

Isaac is not getting that bed back lol

That challenge lasted...maybe a day

Oh there's gonna be hickies 😅

I was right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ep5

Nick's dad kind of a no show

"Did I do that?" No Nick what do you think 🤣

Why's Tao shirtless??

Issac just cruising through these books

Charlie really isn't eating anything

Is Issac not out?

These pairings for the tower are uncomfy

Annoyed we only saw three pairings

Issac giving Harry the business lmao

Darcy has some real commitment issues or maybe just issues expressing her feelings

Ben is such scum

The eiffel tower song is a vibe ✨️🎵

Nick & Charlie lead the way up that tower lol

Bit of bants between Nick & the rugby lads turned out alright 😏

Harry growing up?

They had the same reaction to Harry 😂

Papa 😅

Tao opening up is so sad

Baby Charlie & Tao 🥺

Charlie & Tao are such good friends

Mona Lisa, rubbish, confirmed

You don't need to understand something to enjoy it, Elle is so wise

Charlie looks like he's gonna be sick

Darcy isn't out to her parents???

Oh he is having a BAD time

Tao & Elle admiring each other 🥰

They smooching!!!!

Mr. Ajayi forcing Mr. Faruk to have fun

Nick addressing Charlie's lack of eating

Charlie is depressed and relatable with the lack of eating

This little shit ignores the bread Mr Faruk gets him and goes straight for the croissant Charlie had in his bag since this morning 😂

Why is being French such a secret??

"You're so cringe!" 😂😂

"Let's promise to tell each other when we have stuff going on?" Yes Charlie let's fucking do that!!!

Couple of runaways

Eps 6-8 coming soon!!

Hes got the right idea

[pawbeanies]

mm thinking of marking up my highness. we have an off day, so i decided that it would be a good time to show you my collection of oversized hoodies. unfortunately, i get called for something while we're half way through, so i have to excuse myself to go take care of it, leaving you alone with my jackets. as time goes on and im away from you, you start to get impatient, so you decide to just put on one of my hoodies. i mean, i shouldn't have left them out, right? it's oversized on me, so it absolutely drowns you in fabric coated in my scent. and you're just a puppy, so you cant help that you start sniffing it, trying to engrave the way i smell into your brain. of course, the little angel wants to be comfortable while he waits for me to return so he curls up in my bed. and if your hips start to grind against some conveniently placed pillows, it's not your fault. you're just a poor, needy little pup without his knight to take care of him like it usually does, so princey has to take matters into his own paws. and it just feels so good, doesn't it? it's only for a little bit, so it's okay, right?

when i return a while later, rambling apologies for taking so long, my words are cut off by the sight of my highness wearing my clothes and rutting against my pillows like a pathetic little mutt. couldn't resist, could you? now look at you. all flushed and stuttering because you were caught red-handed, trying to hide in the expanse of the hoodie. i ought to punish you, yknow? i don't recall giving you permission to try and get off without me. but it's okay, because I'm here now. coming closer and giving you kisses on your neck and telling you how adorable you are, how cute it is that something as simple as the way my clothes smell has such an effect on you. and then sinking my teeth into you, biting until it hurts, until marks are made, until the proof of my possession isn't fading any time soon. now, whenever you miss me, you can press on that spot and remember the way my body is pushed up against you, the way that my mouth feels on your skin, the way you're mine. because you are, aren't you? my highness, my princey, my darling angel, my pretty pretty boy <3

- 🌹

mmmMMMM whining whining WHINING youre so mean. youre BULLYING me... so mean to meee... whining stupid brain melting burying my face in the pillows so much. youre sooo. wah. wawawawa. my loyalest bravest dearest knight..... a BULLY (but also thank you thank youou... ehehe...)

crumbling into dust could you BLAME me ... sometimes i can be a little impatient and fussy and. if i had the chance to steal your hoodies and wear them i would take it... especially if it smelled like you. and like?? if you left me unsupervised with your hoodies and by your bed of course i would take the chance to get extra extra comfy... settling in and snuggling with your pillows... if i get worked up its only natural!! because the hoodie and your sheets would smell like you and of course that would remind me of all the things we've gotten up to..... its only natural to start rutting against the pillows and hoping you'll come back soon...

but also. i think since you come back... politely asking to (whining and pouting until you let me) rut against your thigh instead... whimpering like a mutt while rutting against your thigh, still wearing (just) your hoodie and looking up at you so, so so needy ... begging even... begging for you to bite me and mark me up more? please?

but also also. hehe. i think maybe getting bold a bit.. it happens very rarely but!! in a blue moon i can be very bold. a brat even. looking up at you with a little shy look as you come closer only to hook my leg around you to pull you in even closer.... impatiently tugging you in . like yes mayyybe you should punish me for trying to get off without you (you should!! you certainly should...) ..., but also you were the one that left in the first place !! so you should take responsibility for letting me get all worked up ... (by biting. and maybe punishing me. and definitely reminding me that im yours. hehe)

[sanddusted-wisteria]

Veritas Vos Liberabit [Part 1/3]

The truth will set you free.

F!Builder/Grace; pre-slash

Warnings: Spoilers for the main quest starting from "The Goat", INCLUDING some early Act 3 content.

Also on AO3

next | index

[Summary contains spoilers, so it's below the cut]

Summary: Mission's over. Time to leave.

But maybe there's still some time for one last talk.

One last truth.

---

A/N: I normally write for a nameless builder, so most of you are probably not acquainted with my builder character, Wisteria. There's not much you need to know about her backstory and such for this fic. Just know that she likes being a bit silly when she can be. I typically pair her with Qi, but this idea with Grace just took a grip on my brain and would not go away. Enjoy!

-------------

6:30 AM.

Still an hour before departure.

Grace shivered and rubbed her bare arms. It was cold. This was her favorite outfit. The only one she could keep. The rest were burned last night. Shame it didn’t do well for anything but the desert high noon.

She kicked idly at a stray strand of sand grass on the otherwise spotless platform. There wasn’t a whole lot else to do. No one to talk to except Jensen, and she’d already made enough small talk with him. Nothing to read. She had no books. She had nothing at all, in fact. The bag next to her was empty. Personal effects of any kind outside of HQ had to be destroyed whenever leaving a mission site. Couldn’t risk any fingerprints or DNA traces. The bag was just a prop to make it look like she was just your average traveler. One that traveled light.

From somewhere in the distance, a door opened and closed. Then came a yawn. It was only because the morning was so quiet that Grace could hear it at all. She knew right away where it came from.

She looked up towards Fresh Pines across the tracks, and Wisteria stretching luxuriously outside her door. She finished with a satisfied grunt and looked up at Grace, giving her a wave. Grace waved back. Wis and Jensen were the only ones who knew when she was really leaving. Grace had given everyone else a different time. Luckily Jensen was a man of honor, and kept his lips sealed. And for everything she’d been dragged into, Wis at least deserved one last truth from Grace. That, and Wis was the one she’d wanted to say good-bye to the most.

Wis crossed the tracks with an easygoing gait. She was in no hurry. She knew Grace wouldn’t try to bolt.

“So,” she said as she stepped onto the platform. “It’s really happening.”

“Yep. Feels…weird.”

“Feelin’ that a lot lately,” Wis muttered, the corner of her lips quirking up. She took a seat next to Grace. “About 50 different types of weird, honestly.”

“Hopefully you can start feeling a little more not-weird now.”

“Maybe,” Wis nodded thoughtlessly, staring into the distance. “Maybe.”

Grace hadn’t seen Wis like this in a while. The ease. Shoulders relaxed without the weight of work or battle. A wistful smile. Wis had several “modes” of sorts, Grace learned. This was her “off” mode, the one for relaxing and hanging out. For getting a drink at the saloon and chatting about this and that. For taking meandering walks about town and chittering about other townsfolk.

Made sense why Grace hadn’t seen it in a while. With the whole Duvos situation, she basically had to stick to her “on” or “battle” modes at all times (and one Yan-flavored occasion where she seemed to flip to “murderous intent” mode, but that was only hearsay as far as Grace knew).

When she wasn’t fighting for her life, she was cranking away at her workshop with the same zeal she always had whenever she got her hands on something new to build, only amplified with the new sense of purpose (Trudy had almost made the mistake of leaving Wis and Qi unsupervised. Not even the Light could save you if that happened.).

“Are you…doing okay?” Wis’s voice knocked Grace out of her thoughts. “Everyone’s been asking me nonstop, but I think someone’s gotta ask you. Y’know, knowing…everything about you.”

“Huh,” Grace said, raising an eyebrow. She was trying to bide a little time by filling the silence. Because truth be told, she didn’t know how to answer. She could try to brush it off with a definitive yes, or try to deflect it with a quip. But Wis wasn’t stupid. She could see through that kind of tactic. But at the same time, if she answered no, Wis would immediately get worried and try to get to the heart of the issue, whatever it was. And Grace didn’t know if she had the headspace right now to sort all that out. Maybe she should—

“Grace?”

Shit. Took too long.

Wis was looking at Grace now, a faint look of concern on her face. “It’s okay if the answer’s no…or if you don’t wanna talk about it too much.”

“Uh…yeah.”

Wis nodded without another word, turning back to look out at the desert landscape.

Meanwhile, Grace’s mind was reeling. She’d been caught off-guard. By such an innocuous question. By Wisteria. Pun-loving-laughy-taffy-ever-so-slightly-naïve Wisteria.

How…?

Every fiber of her body was screaming not to ask, but she just had to. “Did…did you know?”

“About what?”

“Me.”

Wis had the gall to look confused. She umm’d and ah’d a bit. “Nooo…?” she said finally, with the most exaggerated shrug she could make.

“…With a question mark?” A twinge of annoyance twisted Grace’s stomach.

“Uh, yeah, with a question mark. It’s like…” She frowned and held up a finger. Her way of asking for a few moments to puzzle-piece the words together in her head. “Okay, it’s like this: no, I didn’t know about who you really were. But I had a gut feeling that kinda…pointed in that direction.”

“Really?” Grace raised an eyebrow. “What kind of gut feeling?”

“Well, it’s just…” Wis’s fingers clenched like they did when she was nervous. “It’s…ugh.” She huffed. “It’s hard to explain a gut feel, y’know?”

Grace just waited patiently. She’d talk. Her eyes were glimmering like they did when she was pursuing a truth she knew she could find. A look Grace had gotten to know all too well in the past several months.

The crease in Wis’s brow eased. “It’s…it’s like you’ve tried so hard to hide something that it’s obvious that something’s there. You try to dig a hole to bury something and dig so deep and wide that everyone can see the loose dirt.” She met Grace’s eyes, her gaze devoid of pity or disdain. Just…a look. “I could never guess you were a secret agent and all that, but…as we hung out more, I started to feel that something was up. Couldn’t tell what it was, though.”

And with a shift in her stomach, Grace suddenly realized that Wisteria was far better at this job than Grace could ever be.

Grace was skilled, undoubtedly. Years of training from the Alliance’s best made her that way. Forced her to be that way. At the drop of a hat, she could put on a new mask, play a different part, advocate for another devil. She could anticipate what someone would say 5 minutes from now, or steer them to say it 5 seconds from now.

She could always extract what she wanted, be it the truth, a lie, blackmail, or a bribe, as long as she built the right front.

But Wisteria…silly, happy, witty Wisty… She didn’t even need the front. All she had to be was her, and everything and everyone would open up to her eventually. Whatever she wanted would find her sooner or later.

She didn’t need to chase the truth she needed, not as relentlessly as she probably thought she did. All she had to do was exist, here and now. The truth behind Duvos came to her because of who she was. The truth about Grace came to her because of who she was.

So optimistic. So determined. So genuine. So clever. So kind. So warm. So…

…

Wis let out a light sigh, the tiniest curve of a smile on the edge of her lips. Grace only then realized that she was just staring at her.

“I won’t pry, I promise. You’ve still got your secrets to keep. You’ve got a right to that. State-protected or not.” Wis said, stretching out her wrists as she always did when her hands were too still for too long.

Grace quickly got her bearings back, letting out a snort. “Heh. Who’s to say which ones are the ones the government keeps?”

Wis chuckled. “Gotta get a big ‘Top Secret’ stamp right on your forehead.”

“Don’t think I can get you clearance on it then, unfortunately.” Grace smirked.

“Well hey, ask your boss while you’re over there!”

“Oh yeah, and make him extra mad.” Grace rolled her eyes, but her tone was light.

Wis just laughed that bright and genuine laugh. Her purest one, not a sarcastic snort or the stupid guffaws she made after her equally stupid puns.

Grace felt a smile slide up her face. A real one, not a calculated reaction.

So silly.

A rumbling grew under their feet. They turned to see the train from Highwind pulling in.

“Atara-Highwind express, bound for Atara!” Jensen bellowed from the other end of the platform. “Passengers for Atara, tickets ready, please!”

Grace looked back at Wis. There was a look in her eyes that she’d never seen before. Strangely sad. Facing the inevitable.

An impulsive thought suddenly shot through Grace’s head.

Come with me.

Wis would make a great agent. She had the natural talent for it. She was just so naturally disarming.

The train slowed to a halt with a hiss.

They both stood up from the bench. Wis turned to Grace with a warm smile.

Come with me.

Grace could vouch for her. Put in a recommendation. Get her the best training instructors at HQ. She could probably start in the field in less than a year.

“This is it, huh?” Wis muttered.

“Yep.”

Come with me.

Wis opened up her arms, raising an eyebrow. Grace stared blankly. Physical affection was discouraged for agents unless used for manipulative purposes. But Wis…

Grace wrapped her arms around Wis’s waist, somehow managing to ignore the urge to just…fall into her. Wis’s arms closed so warm and securely around her.

Stay with me.

“Stay safe, okay?” Wis murmured, her low voice rumbling through Grace’s chest.

All Grace could muster as a reply was a hum.

After what felt like forever and yet still too soon, Wis let go. Grace swore the morning air was even colder than before.

“You got this,” Wis said. “You’ll do great—no, no…” She held up a finger with a familiar glint in her eye. “You’ll do Grace.” And there was that shit-eating grin.

“Shut up!” Grace laughed as she lightly smacked Wis’s arm. Wis just cackled. Like always.

“Allll aboarrrrd!”

Their laughter petered out. Grace’s feet still weren’t moving.

Wis gave her a nod, the smile never fading from her face.

She took a step towards the open train door. And then another.

She could feel Wis’s dark eyes on the back of her head. She had a heightened sense for when people were staring at her, but Wis’s gaze burned especially hot.

She was on the train now. She set her empty bag down a seat and opened a window facing the platform. There was a jolt as the train started to move.

Wis was still on the platform, moving with the train.

“Your boss sucks!” Wis called with a cheeky grin.

“I’ll be sure to tell him!” Grace called back.

“Good! Tell him to give you a raise, too!”

“He’ll raise the bounty on my head, sure!”

Wis doubled over with laughter. She was at the end of the platform now.

“Graaaaace!”

Grace’s head snapped away from Wis. Logan, Haru, Andy, and Owen were all running down Main Street towards the train, waving their arms. How did they…?

“G’luck out there, Grace!” Logan hollered. “Knock ‘em dead!”

“You’re gonna do great things out there, Grace!” Haru called.

“You’re still part’a the gaaaang!” Andy yelled.

“You were the best co-chef I’ve ever had, Grace!” Owen shouted. “We’ll miss your sandy omelets!”

Grace couldn’t help it. Bubbly laughter rose up from her chest. She leaned out the window and waved back, wind whipping her hair as the train sped up.

“I’ll miss you! I promise I’ll come back and visit!” she hollered.

She was too far away now to hear whatever they yelled back. As the train passed the oasis, she looked back one last time at the station.

Wis was still there. Still waving. Still beaming.

Grace found her eyes locked on hers, never looking away until Wis disappeared behind the train as it curved around the bend.

She ducked back inside before she could lop her own head off on the rocks surrounding town, still gazing out the window.

The city’s skyline flashed in and out between the beams of the Shonash Bridge. Grace watched as it disappeared behind Gecko Station, leaving only the giant ruined tower far above the rest of town visible.

Grace still couldn’t peel her eyes away, staring as it too shrank into the distance, before disappearing behind the edge of the tunnel into the mountains.

Sandrock was out of her sights now, but still it stood, stubborn and proud and vibrant as ever.

She sighed and finally took a seat, leaning her head back and staring idly at the train car’s ceiling. The rumble and sway of the train was making her eyes heavy. Normally, Grace knew that napping in a public place was a death sentence. In this line of work, it was full awareness or the business end of a weapon. But in the aftermath of everything, alone in this quiet car, Grace let herself drift off into the most restful sleep she’d had in years.

Though maybe it wasn’t just the relief of the whole situation that made it so peaceful. Maybe it was her dreams. Dreams filled with infectious laughter and familiar quirks and stupid jokes and a safe embrace.

And dreams of a beacon, shining bright with that same laughter and Sandrock’s newfound light.

Calling her home.

------------

A/N: I don't plan to do a longfic for Wisty on the scale of Builder, Researcher, Rooftop, but I do have ideas for some goofy little side adventures for her. Hopefully I can get around to those in the near-future. Thanks for reading!

next | index

[yaoischolar]

tw for some c/s/a talk i guess

mostly im just putting this here because i get to ramble a bit more than i do through twitter ... though it feels kind of ridiculous to wail about this online to strangers, i've always found solace in that, haven't i?

i had a really really difficult therapy session last thursday that kind of left me picking up a lot of shattered pieces of my childhood. i casually mentioned to her that i have the passing thought now and then that i was sexually abused as a child, but i never press on it because i've always had so much going on otherwise. but for once i let myself press since i was safe enough to do so. and i just.

how do you deal with something you have no memory of, but all of the scars remain? how do you just have a realization like this and try to continue life as normal? i feel like i've always had clear "before" and "after" moments in my childhood wrt traumatic events, but now that clarity has completely shattered, because there was never a real before. there was just always an after. and you don't even remember what happened— theres only signs pointing to that direction, leading you down the road only to open up to a giant pit that you can't fathom going down right now.

i've always known what sex was. i could basically reenact it as a child. i let the neighbor boy lock me in a closet with himself while he tried to "make out" with me and i just sat there and didnt move, and just accepted that until the door was finally opened and i could leave. i let a girl at daycare show me a hiding spot where she could touch my vaginal area and i could touch hers, but then once it was done, she threatened to tell all of the teachers on me. ive always had a fixation on romance and the physical aspects of a romantic relationship even if i never "fully" understood— since i was a young child, all the way to being a teenager.

when i discovered masturbation i felt so fucking ashamed and guilty. i could never penetrate myself until i started having sex later on in life, but penetrative sex has usually had a very sharp, stabbing pain deep inside of me that i always did my best to ignore because maybe eventually it could go away. (sometimes it does, sometimes it's there.) oral sex is completely off the table. it's always induced a kind of nausea in me to think about performing it at all.

i don't know who could have done it. i always left my aunt and uncles house in tears after spending weekends there as a child, and i don't remember any of those weekends. my uncle has had a weird fixation on me since i was young. last year during the holidays, as i was leaving with my wife, he was really drunk. he grabbed me and all i felt was a sense of panic. he grabbed my face and it was terrifying, watching him lean down like he was gonna kiss me directly only to turn my head at the last second and kiss my cheek. and then he says "you know i love you, right?"

but then theres the fact my siblings had friends in and out of the house a lot. i hung out with boys older than me when my mom brought me along to see her friends. i would be left alone unsupervised with them a lot. my parents have always been convinced im dramatic and a liar.

i never really understood that i was a person until i was nearly 10. i always viewed my life as never my own. i was just a puppet for someone to watch on tv, i even remember sitting there imagining a group of men were watching my life play out on the tv while i took a bath as a very young child. i know i blocked a lot of pieces out, and my brain really cherrypicks memories, but something isn't adding up. something isn't right.

i waffle on this and my mom's voice lives in my head telling me i'm making this up. but if i was making this up, would my body have such a visceral reaction? i spent the entire night after my therapy session wide awake replaying every moment i could remember from my childhood. i've felt so fucking bad and listless since thursday. the only moments i feel grounded are when i have the company of others. when im alone or quiet my brain always comes back to this now. if i try to press on any one memory that i think could be a hint, i feel dizzy and heavy all at once. i've read countless articles and reddit posts and posts here just to make sense of everything. i get worried i never showed the extreme symptoms, but i certainly had depression and anxiety before i was even an adolescent.

sex was a very carefully avoided subject in my house. it was never brought up, and my family worked double time to ensure i wouldn't see suggestive content of any kind. i was sitting with my siblings once while they were watching a movie where two girls end up making out, and right when it started happened, i was shuffled out of the room immediately. i wasnt allowed to really enjoy pre-teen or teenage media of any kind until... i don't know? one day they kind of stopped trying to hide it. but sex was still never brought up to me. always avoided. i was never asked if i was having sex as a teenager. never asked if i messed around with any friends. i was still always free to sleep over at friends houses when i was in elementary school, but i really only ever had one friend i was consistently sleeping over at, and when i was a teenager our sleepovers were in large groups.

this post has no real direction. i like to treat this like a diary sometimes. i know if i have it here im not just exaggerating how badly i've been doing over the last few days, and if i doubt how much it's affected me down the line, i have this to fall back on. i have therapy again on thursday. i have a lot of things to unpack. i know eventually i may uncover something i've kept hidden in me for a long time. there's a strange relief to know i'm not just someone who's kind of always had a weird, poor relationship with sex and my body— my body remembers. even if i don't, my body does, and it's always tried to tell me.

but now i have so much to reckon with. im finally safe enough in my life that i can process these emotions, yeah. sure. how do i deal with the idea that there's never really not been sexual trauma within me? how do i deal with the fact that one of the worst things that can happen to a child happened to me, and if i said anything to my family right now, i would be called a liar? how do i deal with the fear that people doubt my claims on this since i dont have memory of it happening?

i'll be ok. i know i will be. i have a good support system in place. i just wish that i had a chance as a child. i never had one. nobody gave me one. all the brief moments of love i felt from my family feel so empty now. what do they know that i don't?

[january-glooms]

Yeah that lol

ok so, for this to make sense you need some background info

people involved:

me (noëmi)

my bf (raaf)

my bsf (roni)

fwb dude but not really (andreas)

an acquaintance (job)

see, at the time when this happened, everyone except for me worked at a hardware store. when roni started working there, we started a ritual of sorts. i would come pick her up every saturday from work. id pick them up, and raaf and andreas would be there on saturdays, so we slowly got to know each other. roni befriended them first, but where roni goes i follow (kinda hard not to when her parents literally took me in after i ran away from home and we share a room, but i digress).

so after roni befriended raaf and andreas, i started spending time with them too. now, roni and raaf kinda had a phase where they had everyone including themselves questioning whether or not they would become a couple. made me feel like a massive third wheel anytime i was near them, but i was unwell at the time... aka do not leave unsupervised for fear of their own thoughts and what might come of them.

and thus i started spending more time with andreas, cue this man asking me if he can kiss me the first night we hang out just the two of us and im just sitting there like the confused lil aroace that i am. like i was out to the guy, and he still asked me???? i deadass asked if he was joking, turns out he wasn’t. and one night (read: the next) we slept over at raafs and apparently in the middle of the night i turned over and i was too close to andreas' for his sleep fogged brain to handle so he kissed me...and that's how the two longest, most tiring and confusing months of my life began. turns out andreas is king of mixed signals and miscommunication, to the point where everyone that i asked a second opinion for got frustrated and annoyed and confused themselves :)

then one night before raaf leaves on holiday, we were all gonna hang out after mine and roni's shift at the restaurant (oh yeah roni is a fuckin workaholic and has multiple jobs, and another important detail that i forgot is that all 3 of them were quitting the hardware store). raaf was picking us up, but right as he walked in i noticed that my phone was not where i left it :)))) can you guess where this is going? if you guessed my phone got stolen at work then you are right...congratulations