#this happened with endgame as well fml

[bluerighthand]

Hi guys!

I live! For various reasons, it’s been a few months since I’ve posted any writing or been active on here - for anyone still interested in my stuff you are an absolute gem and I love you and I’m sorry for being so awful and inactive. 

But - I took a break, went to the other side of the world to escape my problems (literally), and now I’m back home for a week! Although to avoid spoilers until I’ve caught up on the new season I won’t be on tumblr for a bit. But I will be lurking on the alfie/tommy discord if anyone wants to chat (or be spammed with travel pics!), I’ve missed you guys <3

Chapter 7 of Growing Up A Shelby will now not be posted on Friday 20th September because I am a mess but it will be posted soon :)

[hjbender]

Do you have any favorite crossover ships? For me it's Thranduil/Loki 😳

“I’m not big into crossovers—” I begin to say, then I read the second part of this ask and

Holy ship yes, anon. You have fantastic (and very handsome) taste in pairings. I came very close to touching this ship once, but I missed it by mere inches. At least this gives me a reason to reuse this image:

Thranduil/Loki. Thrandroki? Thranki? Elvenfrost? I don’t know what this ship is named. But I do know that it absolutely slays.

It’s not even that far-fetched when you think about it. Like Middle Earth is just one of the outer realms in the MCU, not very advanced, home to men and elves and wizards and dragons, with their own pantheon and everything. Maybe Asgardians consider it a backwater realm or just pay it no mind.

Maybe Loki, Tesseract in hand, arrives on Middle Earth right before the War of the Ring and hears the biblically-long story of Eru and the Ainur and Morgoth and Sauron and the Silmarils, all the way down to the One Ring, and is just like

Another universe in peril because of madmen wielding glowing magic stones and forging lethal jewelry FML the Norns must hate me

Sidenote: This crossover is very flexible with/in the MCU. You could either follow canon and have Loki landing in Middle Earth when a) he originally fell into the wormhole in Thor, b) he escaped death at the end of Thor: The Dark World, c) he got knocked out of the Bifrost by Hela in Thor: Ragnarok and never landed on Sakaar, or d) he used the Tesseract to escape in Avengers: Endgame. Or anywhere in between these possibilities, really. Loki continually disappears and reappears in the MCU with little mention of what he’s been doing in the meantime, so this could simply be One Of Those Adventures he’s had.

Following Scenario A, maybe he crash-landed right in the middle of Mirkwood and was found by Legolas and Tauriel, who brought him all scratched and bleeding and traumatized (because you can never have too much hurt/comfort) to the caves of the Woodland King, who was instantly intrigued by this handsome young sorcerer from another world. Loki is invited to stay and heal, and he gratefully accepts. He’s bathed, his wounds are dressed (and so is he, in regal robes befitting a prince of the Woodland Realm), and he and Thranduil spend many hours in quiet counsel with one another, strolling the vast halls of the king’s domain, getting to know one another.

Loki is undoubtedly bewildered by the attention but pleased by Thranduil’s company. Perhaps he finds it easy to fall into the elven king’s bed. (Lonely Widower Thranduil romancing the vulnerable Asgardian sorcerer is a lovely image indeed.)

There’s so much room for serious Loki Feels, too.

Maybe (Scenario D) this is the Loki who escaped with the Tesseract in Endgame (or a slightly later version who just escaped from the brutal imprisonment of the Time Variance Authority) and he has no reason to want to return to his own realm/universe. Perhaps he looks at the elven king sleeping beside him, his long silver hair draped across his naked skin, and considers staying on Middle Earth for the rest of his life. Here no one knows him. Here he doesn’t have to face the consequences for his actions, even though he was under Thanos’s influence. Here he isn’t a villain, a jealous brother, a failure, or a runt. Here he is simply a mysterious sorcerer prince, beloved (and loved, very passionately so) by a regal Elf king. Perhaps he could even help the people of this world win their war, be the hero for a change, be admired and respected by all. Middle Earth is well-hidden from the other realms; even Heimdall had difficulty seeing what happened here. It’s possible Thanos and the Avengers will never find him. Loki has changed much in the year(s) since he arrived on Middle Earth, but he is not so reformed that he wouldn’t mind letting the rest of the universe burn to the ground while he finally achieves true happiness. He deserves it after all he’s been through, doesn’t he?

It’s too much to think about right now. Loki doesn’t want to spoil the lovely evening with his own unpleasant thoughts. He lays back down beside Thranduil, who sleepily reaches out his long, elegant arm and wraps it around Loki, pulling him gently to his chest. He presses a kiss to Loki’s forehead and strokes his dark hair, which has now grown out quite long, in typical Elf fashion.

“Meleth-nin,” the king murmurs against Loki’s skin. “My love. I am so grateful you fell into my life.”

And Loki just shuts his eyes, tucks his head beneath Thranduil’s chin, and pretends that this is the only life he’s ever known.

🥺💖😢💔😭

There are so many superb things that could be done with this crossover. Maybe Loki is dual-sexed in this AU and, at the end of the war and the razing of Dol Guldur, he weds Thranduil and becomes the Queen of the Woodland Realm and bears a child or children, adorable, beautiful little babies who are half Elf and half Jötunn, and Thranduil’s heart, which had been broken into pieces ever since he lost his beloved wife, finally begins to mend. (See how both Loki and Thranduil heal through their relationship with each other, it’s copacetic and perfect and wonderful and ;aslkdjfaslkdjf I swear I am going to write this fic one day if it kills me, anon. Thank you for opening my eyes to this awesome ship!)

[shreddedparchment]

Heavy is the Hand You’re Dealt

Part 2

08/31/2019

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Thor x Reader     Word Count: 7,541

Masterpost          Warnings: Smut, language, ANGST, Endgame canon

Challenge Prompt: Imposter - Bearson

A/N: So, I had every intention of making this a two-parter...fml, right? But I think three parts is more appropriate. This one ends where it needed to. A lot happens and I think we all need time to digest. I hope you all like it. I really do. I love @youngmoneymilla as a writer (and human--let’s be honest) and I so want to rise to this challenge. As always, any feedback on what you loved or what spoke to you the most is appreciated. Any reblogs are as well. Thanks. xoxo P.S. Sorry I used so many gifs.

It’s eerie how quickly the world changed. In an instant it’s all become so…alien.

The sounds of the city have not been the same since that day. It’s too quiet. The hustle and bustle muted. Hardly any animals.

Soy again tonight? Tofu with roasted tomatoes?

Or maybe tofu burgers? Maybe you can convince Steve to splurge and get him to buy himself a real burger. Beef.

Animals breed faster than humans so, the price is falling. Finally, after five years, burgers are almost affordable.

It’s all about soy now-a-days.

The familiar jiggle of keys in the deadbolt pulls you slightly out of your dinner contemplation. Eyes frozen on the hazy glass, dark skies looming overhead. Thunder crackles, clear and sharp. It shatters your concentration and you lean forward, tilting your head up to look at the swirling slate clouds.

“It’s gonna rain.” You say, the front door quietly closing followed by the setting down of keys and the hanging of a jacket.

Soft thumps on your hardwood floor move closer, stopping just behind you as two large hands come to rest atop your shoulders. A kiss to the back of your head. Lingering. The hands move down along your biceps, a warm silken caress raising goosebumps along your skin.

As they reach your elbows, they transfer onto your sides and wrap around your waist.

His heat curls around you from behind and you tilt your head up and to the side to look at him as he leans down and buries his face against your neck.

“Hey, you okay?” You frown, the tremor in his chin and the crinkle of his brow means trouble. “Steve?”

He sniffles once, wrapping his arms around you tighter.

You almost cry too because it’s hard to see him quake. Your rock. Your center. He’s still so…shaken. You’ve tried to do as much as you can. You’ve  tried to help but maybe you aren’t enough? He’s quiet about it but sometimes, like now, he’s almost like a child. Searching for reassurance and comfort.

You twist around in his arms, hands placed on his cheeks as you pull his head up to stare into those beautiful eyes.

The pine green plaid shirt he’s wearing brings out the small flecks of emerald around his pupil. They’re sea green today.

“How was the group?” You probe, making sure to keep your voice light as he sniffles again, eyes red, cheeks flushed.

You miss his beard but without it, you can see him cry and you’re grateful. He’s open with you—more than with anyone else—yes, but he’s also withdrawn. Secretive. You have to pry things from his lips at times and you know it’s only because his life has changed again.

He went into the ice and woke up in modern day. You’d been around to help with that. And now he’s plunged into this nightmare after the snap and you know that he’s struggling. He blames himself. They all do.

You wipe the tears from his cheeks, loving him so much and thankful because he can fall apart in your arms now when before he’d been so careful to keep up the façade. This is progress.

“The group’s fine. One of the guys went on a date.” Steve’s voice is lower than normal. Deep baritone as he struggles with his sorrow. “He’s got a second one lined up for tomorrow.”

“That’s good.” You praise him, knowing he needs it. He’s is making a difference. Always striving to help. “Right? It’s working.”

His effort. It’s worth it.

“Yeah.” He sniffles one last time and stands up straighter, breathing in slowly then exhaling as he traces the shape of your hips.

Like a magnet, his hands draw you closer. You push yourself up onto your toes, knowing this need better than his other ones. Five years with Steve has taught you his ins and outs. You’d already known him fairly well before the world had ended but now, on this barren planet, you know him better than you know yourself.

You’ve seen his highs—most of those before the Snap—and you’ve seen his lowest of lows.

You know when he needs your words and when he doesn’t.

Like now.

He kisses you, soft lingering pecks as his body molds itself to yours. He steps towards you, pelvis first, searching, needing, desperately. Arms crushing your chest to his.

“I need you.” He whispers, sending shivers down your spine.

Five years and you still can’t believe that Steve wants you. That he comes home to you. He sleeps next to you.

“I’m here.” You promise him, tracing the shell of his ears before you slide them up into his growing blonde locks.

Steve’s face changes, eyes darkening as he backs you up against the wall beside the window you'd been staring out of.

Thunder rumbles again and the torrent begins, loud against your window.

He comes at you, mouth open, tongue sliding out to tangle with yours and you taste the watered-down coffee from his meeting. As his right hand pushes against the small of your back to keep you up against him, his other hand slides down to hold your bum to keep it still as he thrusts against you.

It’s wild movement. Chaotic and almost lost in desire.

“Ooh, Steve…” You moan against his mouth.

“Mmmph.” He groans and pulls back.

Reaching down for your hand. He takes it, leads you to your shared bedroom, then sits you on the edge of the bed. In silence he kneels before you, pulls at the button of your jeans as he leans in to kiss you in more wet lingering pecks.

You work on his jeans too, tugging them open until there’s enough space for your hand and you slide in past his waistband to find his cock, hard and throbbing.

Steve's hands stutter as you grab hold of him and begin to stroke. You squeeze him, soft pliable flesh, burning skin, the thought of that salty taste of him already coaxing your lips apart.

Your touch calms him. He moves his hands to rest on either side of your hips on the bed as you work him, elbows trembling with your touch. You pass your thumb over the head of his cock and feel him quiver as he drops his head and leans forward to rest it against your breasts.

He buries his face in them. Relishing in the relief you’re giving him, groaning against them, slowly nudging them with his nose.

Wrapping your arm around his head, you kiss the top, over and over as your hand speeds up.

Steve’s find your waist and he coaxes your shirt up to slide his fingers against your skin. His exploration becomes tender, less frenzied as he trails the pads of his fingers over your ribs and back behind you to unhook your bra. When it’s loose, he slides his hand up over your breasts, kneading them softly.

Finally, he lifts his head, pushes your shirt and bra up to take you pert nipple into his mouth.

“Steve…” You mewl as he suckles, his tongue making long slow circles leaving wet marks around the pebble.

He leans back and you stand up. He stands with you, hands pulling your shirt up over your head. You begin to squat down, eager to taste him, but he catches your elbow and stands you back up.

“No.” He says gently. “I wanna see you.”

You blink, surprised by the sadness still within those blue eyes.

If that’s what he needs…

You unzip your pants and strip, stopping only when you’re laid bare before him all woman curves and wanting flesh.

He touches you, your arms, your shoulders, your hips, massages the curve of your ass and turns you around to slide a strong hand down the center of your back while the other wraps around your front and slides down along your stomach to your swollen nub.

He presses down on it and you whimper, biting your lip hard as his other hand pushes your back forward and he grinds against your bum. The rough fabric of his jeans chaffing but the bulge of his cock tempting.

He pushes you until you’re at the edge of the bed, chest flat against the mattress, ass up in the air towards him.

You can hear the slide of his zipper and turn your head on bed so that you can look back at him. He pulls his shirt off, exposing the perfect chiseled sculpt of his body and his muscles flex as he steps towards you again. He traces your spine again and you can only stare at his perfection as he leans over and kisses the center of your back.

A quick lick to that spot between your shoulders that always makes you weak, and the heated tip of his cock is pushing into you.

Your head snaps front, back arching into the mattress as he slides in easily because you’re dripping for him.

He grunts and he stops, feeling you around him, clenching and adjusting to his girth.

“Oh, baby…” You whimper, laying yourself back down as your hips squirm with the anticipation of his movement.

He doesn’t move though. He kisses your back again, slides his pants off and steps out of them.

You try to keep quiet. To be patient because Steve needs this right now. Needs you. This he can control. The world might have been broken and he may not be able to put it back together but at least with you, here, in the safety of your bedroom, he can move and bend you and make you his in any way that he wants.

He doesn’t make you wait too long before he’s pushing into you deeper. He pulls back and rolls his hips into you again, groaning.

“Oh, Steve that feels so good.” You tell him, unable to help yourself.

He puts one knee beside you and pushes in the rest of the way.

“Shit.” He growls. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

Steve never talks dirty and it surprises you, sending warm tingles down your stomach. Heat pools at your core and you whine, squirming again.

He lays himself over you, curling his body until he’s right on you, knees offering support, your own feet still on the floor.

His lips are everywhere. Your neck your shoulders. He tilts your head to the side, and he kisses you, tongue pushing past your lips as he begins to move again.

He moves slow at first, then faster and faster until the lurid sound of his skin slapping against your ass fills the room.

His hands are magic along your slit as he moves in and out of you. He finds your nub and pulls, prods, pinches, and moves against it in slow circles. There’s a break within you suddenly and it comes all at once. Your body comes undone.

“Steve!” You cry, as you twitch and spasm as while he keeps pumping through your climax then pulls out only to turn you onto your back and crawl over you giving you a moment’s relief from stimulation.

Still breathing hard, he wraps his arm around your weakened body and tugs you upwards. He lays himself between your legs and plunges back into you, moving faster as you lift your legs and spread them for him.

Your hands find his bottom, hard flexing muscle as he relentlessly thrusts into you and you push him down against your clit hard, the swell of his cock stretching you so delicious.

“I love you.” He tells you, dropping down closer so that your breasts are pressed flat against his chest.

“Oh, Steve…” You moan, touched. “I love you.”

And you do and you’re so overjoyed that this is your life. This is what you can do for him and so much more. But this, being with him, this closeness, his love so freely given—“I love you.”

He kisses you hard, teeth clashing as you both try to convey the depth of your wants and joys.

“Mmmm.” He moans against your lips. “Shit.”

“Come for me, baby.” You whisper, reaching up to slide his hair back, fingers lacing through the soft tresses as he bucks against you faster.

“No.” He protests, a sudden flicker of fear in his eye. “I shouldn’t.”

“Then outside but come for me, Steve.” You nod at him, hands sliding up along his strong taut back, lusting for his body. You want to touch every bit of him. Kiss, love, and enjoy every inch of his Adonis structure.

“I shouldn’t.” He says again, ignoring you.

“Steve?”

“I…shouldn’t.” He moves faster, hips grinding down on your clit hard.

“Ste-? AH!” You moan loudly, body crashing once more into euphoric bliss as Steve stares right into your sex-hazed eyes, thunder overhead drowns out your pleasure cry.

“I’m…I should…shouldn’t…” He grunts but then rams himself into you three more times very quickly and you feel the heat of his climax fill you up. Hot thick spurts inside you, all the way in.

He collapses on top of you and your relaxed limbs wrap around him, keeping him close as he rolls both of you onto your sides.

With one leg straightened, the other left around his own, you push his hair back and notice the small beads of sweat on his forehead.

“You okay?” You check, reaching up to wipe at the sweat.

“I’m not done.” He states, and pulls you into his arms again, chest to chest, still inside you he grows hard again slowly.

He kisses you, lips moving languidly along your own.

“I love you.” He declares.

So much love today. You’re so lucky.

“I love you, Steve. You know I do.”

He gives you a quick small smile then reaches down and hooks your leg up high around his hips.

“I love you.” He says again and as the sky outside cracks with another deafening boom and the rain falls harder and faster, he pulls his hips back and thrusts up into you once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Should I come with you?” You hold the sheet against your naked body, watching Steve get dressed.

He’s pulled on a pair of dark jeans, a black long sleeve, his hair combed back. It’s so long. You like it this length.

He’d fallen asleep in your arms last night, cheek against your bare breasts while your hands had stroked that beautiful blonde hair. You wish it was last night again.

Every time Steve goes back to the compound, your heart beats wild with apprehension. You aren’t sure what it is or why it makes you panic. Perhaps it’s because that’s where you were when it all fell apart?

One story ended and yours and Steve’s began.

Today you feel especially sick to your stomach about it. It’s all in knots, making you queasy but this time you know why.

Nat’s getting a report today from the remaining Avengers. Rhodey’s been patrolling the more torn up countries. Following a trail of high-profile crime syndicate killings. Someone’s taking out all the bad guys but violently and definitely not sanctioned. Okoye has been handling things in Wakanda and Carol, Rocket, and Nebula are all dealing with various crises on other planets.

New Avengers.

All of them reporting to Nat who then in kind, reports to you. The new Fury. Or so Nat says, usually with a smirk. You stay out of the Compound, but you have your hand in all the pies.

You reach for your tablet and power it on. New notifications of possible problem areas becoming real issues fill your screen and you open up the World map to look at the spots and see if there’s a pattern to the trouble. You check in with some contacts around the world; London, Paris, Hong Kong, Seoul, Wakanda, Sydney…all the major check points and they begin to inundate you with strange occurrences and questions.

“No. I’m just going to go check up on Nat.” Steve says, moving to sit at the end of the bed and pull on his boots.

You slip the sheet under your arms so that you can work with both hands, your brow furrowed in concentration as you answer questions about Iron Man and where he’s been.

Busy. He’s semi-retired. Is it an emergency? Can local law enforcement handle it? What makes this case special? Sounds like it’s already over.

You sigh.

Steve has mostly kept out of all the trouble. He does what he can, but he’s focused on helping with the group and doing smaller things around the city. He’s kept his distance and you’re pretty sure it’s because he feels like he’s failed the team. Things are quieter anyway.

“I’ll need to check in at some point.” You tell him, still distracted. “I can come.”

You feel his weight drop down beside you and look up. He’s sitting on the edge of your side now, his left arm around you on your right as he leans in, that tempting half smile in place as he meets your eyes.

“Stay. Rest.” He begs, then slides those storm blues down to the top of your sheet. He slides two fingers under it then pulls it away, exposing you.

He leans down, kisses one breast, then the other before sitting up straight. He takes the tablet out of your hands and throws it to the foot of the bed before sliding that right arm underneath your knees. He pulls you once, hard and fast so that you fall onto the bed on your back, breasts bouncing from impact.

You chuckle and Steve smiles a little more widely at the sound.

He lays his torso over you and your hands trace the bulge of his biceps.

“Sleep. You’ve been waking up really early and going to sleep very late.” He complains.

“I get distracted.” You confess. “I’m busy. I’m-”

“The world is full of problems, Y/N. They’re not going anywhere.” He assures you.

“I know. I just…I wanna help.” You sigh and Steve traces the curve of your cheek.

“You are.” He kisses you, slow and pure, then pulls back.

He looks down at your breasts once more, a lick of his lips to show you that he still wants it, before he pulls the sheet back up and tucks it in around you. Places to be and things to do.

“Sleep.” He kisses the tip of your nose.

You’re never ready for it. The change. The way things are perfectly fine—well, as close to perfectly fine as they can be after the Snap—and then suddenly everything becomes unknown. Everything that you pictured for your future is thrown to the wind.

Everything you’d thought was possible disappears because now anything is possible. Anything.

You’re not alone in your worries.

Your phone rings, buzzing across your desk at the Compound.

“Hello?”

“I figured it out.”

“What?” You gasp, hushing yourself as a wave of hope and panic immobilize you.

“I know how to do it. I know how to go back…Y/N…”

“Tony, are you sure? Because Bruce has been trying to get Scott to-”

“Old man or baby?” He asks, cutting you off.

“B-Both.” How the hell does he know that?

“I know how to do it right.” He says once more.

“We can get them all back?” You ask, excitement already beginning to flow through you, setting your world to glow.

“We can.”

“Tony…Steve-” You begin, already getting to your feet to go get him.

He’s been in the hangar with Bruce this whole time, a temp lab because the equipment is so large. He’s been as distracted with this time travel idea as you were before with work. He’s laying all of his hopes on this idea. Maybe, if you can give him the good news then he won’t be so…distant.

Steve the morning he came to see Nat and Steve after he spoke to Nat and Scott are like two people. Before their talk, okay, yes. He’d been preoccupied. Depressed a little. But who isn’t depressed these days?

Things are hard. Lives were changed in drastic and bad ways. Steve had been and is still your only consolation.

However, even though he’d been preoccupied, he’s withdrawn into this project. He’s brighter. The light in his eyes is full of hope and eagerness and disappointment when it doesn’t pan out, but he’s driven again. He’s got something to strive for.

You only wish it didn’t also make him spend less time with you. Unless it’s to go to bed, you don’t hear from him all day and that’s because he’s right there, in the room. He doesn’t hold your hand or kiss you or even smile at you.

One time you’d looked up and caught him watching you. Eyes sad. He’d forced a smile then looked away.

“Don’t tell him.” Tony says, shocking your heart into confusion.

“What?” It would make him so happy!

“I-I’d like to tell him myself. He and I…we need to-”

“Yes!” You gasp, not even needing him to finish. “Yes, Tony. I’ll let you tell him.” More than Steve’s kisses or love filled gazes, you want him and Tony talking.

“But…please get here soon? I really don’t know how many more times they can make Scott old before he starts losing his mind.”

And Tony does come. He and Steve bury the hatchet—very quickly too—and then they all go to work.

But not with you.

To your surprise, Nat pulls you aside and hands you her tablet. The one she talks to you with. The one that holds all of the relevant information for the operation that you’ve been running together to keep the world turning without too many blazes.

“I hate to ask, but while we work on this, do you think you can take over?” She looks sheepish and so not Nat that you take the tablet without hesitation.

“Of course, Nat. Whatever you need. But if I can help you with anything here though, with this, can you let me know? I’d love to help.” You look for Steve behind her. You want to be beside him, helping him achieve his dreams.

And…you want to see him. Talk to him. Love him. He’s busy. You remind yourself. A scolding.

“Thanks, Y/N. And if we need anything, of course we’ll come to you.” She smiles softly, then turns and heads back towards Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Nebula all huddled around the large Quantum pad they’re building.

Nebula walking around and putting a panel down only for Bruce to shake his massive green head.

“No. I said to the right.” Bruce gripes.

“This is the right.” Nebula argues.

“My right. Not your right.” Bruce says.

“This is your right.” She points out.

“Oh.” Bruce looks down at some schematic you can’t see. “I meant left.”

Nebula stands up straight, jaw clenching and flexing.

Rhodey hurries to her side and gently moves to slide his hands under hers. “Here, I’ll get it. Go help Rocket.”

“Looks like they don’t want your help either, aye?” A deep gruff voice comes from behind you.

You turn to find Thor sitting on a bench, legs spread wide, belly slightly peeking out at the bottom of his ratty, stained, and torn up beige t-shirt.

“Guess we’re not…worthy of giving a hand.” He scowls.

“Are you okay?” You ask him, frowning as you hold the tablet against your chest.

He’s not looking so great.

Thor on the other hand looks down at your feet then shakes his head. Whatever he’s going to say weighs heavy on his shoulders and so instead of saying what he really wants to say, he changes the subject.

“Did I ever tell you about Jane Foster? My ex?” He asks, suddenly leaning forward, sunglasses thrown up onto his head as he stares at you with one piercing blue eye, the other is amber.

His beard is long and thick; a mess. His hair in chunks and clearly in need of a wash and some brushing. He’s let himself go. He smells…well, you’ve smelled worse but not much.

Sweat, stale beer, that always familiar ozone only it’s more prominent and stings your nose. You don’t wince or otherwise betray that your olfactory has been assaulted.

Thor is a broken wretch of a man, given up on himself and everyone around him. It’s sad to see him like this because you know the pinnacle of Godliness that he’d been before. The absolute confidence that had shaped his strutting, thumping, godly energy.

However, you understand this fallen man. The chasm that must rest in his chest where his pride had settled beside his heart left must ache.

This loss, the Snap, broke him. It tore him to pieces and he’s only just put them back together enough to be here.

“I met her once. She was very nice.” You nod, giving him a small smile.

He returns it, a soft curve of his lips that brightens the otherwise glum expression. “She was beautiful. And smart. So smart.”

“Yes.” You nod once again. “She was.”

“And I failed her.” He says weakly, his voice closer to lamenting than speaking. “I failed everyone.”

Your smile falls, concern replacing the wariness as you move towards him and squat down before him so that he’ll have to look down at you. You carefully place your tablet in your lap, then your hands on his knees to keep your balance.

“Thor, no one blames you for what happened with Th-”

“No.” He protests, shaking his head at the name.

“For what happened with that guy.” You correct. “Everyone played a part in this beat, Thor. Even me.”

Thor’s face shifts from grief to fond and delighted amusement. It’s a soft expression, the smile gentle and his eyes crinkling at the corners. It’s the first time you’ve seen it in a long time. Since Ultron’s days at the party after the team had found Loki’s Scepter.

Thor’s exalted revels.

He takes hold of your chin and gives your head a very minute shake. It’s a soft tough, hot calloused fingers, affectionate and gentle.

“You were passed out on your bed, little dove. Not much you could have done.” He points out.

“And why was I passed out?” You ask him, waiting as he thinks it through.

He drops his hand from your chin but only to rest it over yours on his knee.

“You know, I don’t know. Captain Rogers never-”

“Because Nat drugged me. Because Steve didn’t want me out there fighting with everyone else. Because I’m normal, and weaker than them. I didn’t have Nat’s training or Sam’s skills or Rhodey’s military background. All I have, even to this day, is a glorified certification for an elite spy squad. A certification that I made use of by sitting behind a monitor and watched as everyone else went out to do the fighting.” You give him a second to let his mind catch up because he’s got his confused face on, brow furrowed as he stares at you. “If I was different, if I was better, if I was stronger, or special then I could have been out there fighting and maybe that would have made a difference?”

“Y/N…” He protests, chastising you for your thoughts.

“See? It’s easy to find blame in yourself if you try hard enough.” You explain. “You might have been right there Thor but the only person responsible for Thanos’s actions is Thanos.”

He doesn’t even flinch when you say his name.

“I still believe in you, Thor. Always.” You promise then lean up to press a chaste kiss to his cheek, grab your tablet, and leave him to hopefully, pull himself together.

Your eyes are burning. You haven’t stopped crying since they got back. They’re outside, dealing with the aftermath of their choices and you’re one friend short.

Not Nat. Is all you can think. No. It’s not true.

How can she be gone? The strongest Avenger. She is…was…she'd fought so hard only to have it to end like this?

She’s gone and you didn’t even get to say goodbye. You crumble against Steve’s bed, clinging to Nat’s tablet because it’s the last thing she gave you before they left on their heist.

The shining excitement in her pale rosy cheeked face as she’d bounced on her feet waiting to go back in time feels so wrong now. It feels like sacrilege.

How dare she be that eager to go out and die? Why? Why Nat?!

“Y/N?” Tony’s voice is winded, weak, and grieving. He’s like you. “You in here?”

You’re crying so he moves towards the sounds. “I-I-She’s not gone.”

Your denial makes him somber.

“She did it for us.” Tony tries to reason with you. “For them.”

Right now you would rather have Nat than the rest if the Universe. You know it’s selfish but it’s Nat!

He sits on the edge of the bed and places his hand on your ankle. He doesn’t try to comfort you because nothing can be said to make this better. Nothing can bring her back.

He lets you cry yourself out. When you finally sit yourself up, you struggle to find your balance, weak as you are.

“Where’s Steve?” He hasn’t come to see you yet. He came back and you sat on the bed, sniffling and crying silently while he showered and changed. He’d kissed your forehead and then left you in here.

“I have to regroup with the team.” He’d said, and then left.

“They’re going to the lab. We’ve got the stones and the gauntlet is almost finished.” Tony leans back, looking at your utter state of depression with gentle eyes. “You wanna come?”

You consider his offer, wondering if you want to be there to celebrate in the stones that took your friend…so many of them actually.

You wanna see Steve but he’s actively keeping his distance from you. You’re not sure why but you can feel his withdrawal.

Shaking your head, you let your hair fall forward, shielding your face from view.

“We’ll try to fix it. I think we can try to fix it. We’ll bring them all back. All of them, Y/N. Nat too.” He says, more hopeful than certain.

His warm calloused hand suddenly slides in underneath your hair, cupping your cheek gently.

“Hey, wanna do me a favor then?”

You nod, anything to distract from this agony and the looming question of Steve and why he doesn’t have you tucked in under his arm as he holds your hand like he always does.

You know you’re being stupid. The fate of the universe is in the balance. Of course your relationship has to be put on the back burner.

“Morgan’s been asking about you.” He says, finally drawing your eyes up.

That girl is the cutest and you haven’t seen her in so long.

“I’ll go.” You tell him, knowing what he’s asking. Steve probably asked him to. He wants you away from the danger of all this.

You find him in the lab and he hugs you tight when you tell him you’re going. He holds you much longer than he normally would in front of the team as you almost fall to pieces over Nat again, but he releases you and kisses you quick before sending you on your way.

“Stay safe.” You beg of him.

~~~~~~~~~~

You’re sitting with Morgan on the log house’s rustic porch when the garage door is blown open. You see a streak of blue and silver fly up into the sky, a blue-white spark of repulsor energy trailing behind it.

“What’s going on?” You ask, picking up Morgan to hold her close.

She looks worried, but only like a child would be. She doesn’t understand. All she asks when Happy comes out is, “Where’s mommy going?”

And you know things must have gone wrong.

The funeral is beautiful, at least in the way funerals can be.

When Pepper pushes the tribute wreath for Tony out onto the lake by the house, you cry. You stand inside, watching from a distance because you can’t bring yourself to be in front of all those people.

You’re alone. And you’re broken because Tony was here. He was just here. And now he’s gone and nothing feels the same.

Steve keeps his distance too. You don’t take offense because this battle, this mission, this whole fucking plan had taken so much from everyone. From Morgan the most.

Bruce is scarred from having used the stones to undo the Snap—and he’d said he tried to bring her back, but it didn’t work, and Nat is really gone—Steve had been broken and bruised and emotionally wrought.

He'd hugged you and cried into your shoulder as he clung but then he let you go and disappeared.

It was all so jumbled, this mess of celebration and grief. You lost him in the crowd and when things had finally died down, the two of you sat together silently, holding hands.

Taking solace that even though the Compound was gone, the two of you are still here, and you have each other.

Silver lining. You watch Steve hug his friends. After the funeral he and Bucky talk for a long time. They walk out to the lake and they sit, and they just talk.

You keep your distance because Steve has been needing this to happen. He’s needed Bucky back. And Sam. And Wanda.

You can already see the weight on his shoulders lessen and you feel your own sense of relief to know that he’s finally going to feel better.

When most of the people are gone and it’s only the team, you move out to Bruce as he sets up what looks like a smaller Quantum pad.

Suspicious. Worried.

“What’s going on?” You ask him, uncertain about this time travelling crap after what happened with Nat.

“Oh, hey. We’re getting everything set to go back again.” He explains, messing with the knobs and buttons on the panel before him.

Like death, fear begins to creep in, turning your blood to ice.

“Why?” You ask, afraid of who you’ll lose this time. Will Clint go? Or Rhodey? Bruce himself?

“Well, I made a promise. We have to get the stones back to where they belong the very moment that they were taken so that we don’t accidentally start any new timelines…although, I’m pretty sure we already did that, what with killing past Thanos at the compound. But…oh well. What could really go wrong, right?” His explanation makes your brain hurt but you get what he’s saying.

“Who-?” As he meets your eyes, you realize you don’t even need to ask. “Steve is going?”

“Yeah.” Bruce reaches over to gently massage his right shoulder, held tight with a sling then freezes as he sees the shift in your eyes. “I'm, oh jeez, I’m sorry. I-He hasn’t told you, has he?”

Rage. Pure rage engulfs your heart, at the center like the black pit of a rotten apple is the fear fueling your fire. You can’t lose Steve. You just can’t.

“I thought you knew!” Bruce yells after you, sounding remorseful.

Stomping mad, you search for Steve.

How dare he make this type of decision without speaking to you first? You’re his girlfriend. Hell, you’ve been living with him for five years! You’re way more than that by now.

You don’t have to go far and find him on the bench where he’d been with Bucky earlier, sitting with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together as he stares out at the water.

“Steve?” You storm, moving towards him intent on letting him know that he cannot go back in time to drop off the stones because more than a million things can go wrong and you cannot risk it.

No. He’ll just have to send someone else.

Steve jumps, which in and of itself should surprise you but you’re so angry you don’t notice the guilt in his eyes.

“How can you make the choice to go back in time again without even asking me?” You demand. “After what happened with Nat? You are not going. Do you hear me?”

Steve swallows hard, his hands clasped tightly at his side. He’s holding something, you realize. He doesn’t even seem annoyed by you demanding he stay.

“Y/N…”

“What’s that?” You ask him, pointing at his hand.

Steve looks at it and opens it up, holding his old compass for you to see.

“Oh. Well,” You renew, “This time travelling thing? I can’t watch you do it again, Steve not with-”

“I think…” He begins, hesitating as he stares down at the compass in his hands, cutting you off.

He’s twirling it around over and over, drawing your eyes to it and effectively silencing you.

“We’ve been friends for a long time.” Steve says, and with the way he does, your heart drops down into the pit of your stomach. “We had to wait until the world ended before we had our chance. I know that, part of that is my fault. If I’d been less scared to take the chance…you had to kiss me, remember?”

“Steve…” You try, softly, suddenly terrified.

“Please, don’t stop me or I’ll never get this out, Y/N.” He pleads, and his tone makes you nervous, chest aching painfully at the guilt you can clearly see now.

You lick your lips but nod and remain silent.

“I love you.”

Why doesn’t that give you comfort?

He nods, agreeing with his own statement. “So much but…”

He opens the compass and stares at it. Then he turns it and offers it to you.

You take the two steps closer to him in order to grab the compass, and your hand grows numb at the old black and white photo that lines the inside of the lid.

You know this face because you’d studied it during your training. You know it because you’d looked her up when Steve had finally told you about who she was and what she’d meant to him.  And just how important she really was. You’d known back them that you didn’t compare to her and yet, somehow, even knowing this, knowing what she represented to Steve, you didn’t see this coming.

You’d been so confident. Five years is no small amount of time to spend with someone.

Now you can see it. As clear as day, blinding and painful.

The moment time travel had become even a plausible possibility, Steve had begun to push you away.

He’d slipped up a few times. The night before they went on the heist especially.

He’d curled up behind you, coaxed you awake, kissed you fiercely and made love to you tenderly.  He’d even cried but you’d been sure that it was because he was nervous about the mission. What if they messed it up?

You realize now that he was telling you goodbye. Tracing the shape of your arms and legs, the curve of your breasts and bottom. He’d stared into your eyes and kissed you slow. Deep.

One last fuck before he does what he’s known he would do the moment he knew he could go back.

“You’re leaving me.” You whisper, disbelief ripping through you.

“Y/N…” He begins again, taking a step closer but you take a step back, tearing your eyes away from the beautiful Peggy Carter.

“You’re going and you’re not coming back.” You realize, betrayed.

“I…I have to see. I have to take the chance because if I can be with-”

This isn’t happening. This is a lie.

You turn away from him, and he goes silent. “Five years…Steve. We have been together for five years. You kissed me this morning—every morning for the last five years. You told me you love me.”

Him leaving must be a lie because if it isn’t then those five years you spent with him. Those kisses. His declaration that he loves you. Those become the lie.

“How…Are you not happy with me? I-I know that I…no, I…how can you…wait, I…don’t you love me?” You sputter, jumping from hurt to angry to confused as you turn to look at him again.

“Of course, I’m happy with you.” He rushes forward, hands on your cheeks and the way he strokes them is genuine and loving. You don’t want him to go. He can’t. “I love you…I do…”

“But not enough?” You gasp, realizing this as the truth. “You love her more. You’ll always love her more.”

This angers you. You shove him, hard, pushing against his chest because you’ve dreamt only of Steve. You’ve wanted only Steve. From the moment he taught you to punch, through all of the doubts and struggle and the distance that kept you apart when he was on the run and the times that he couldn’t be with you. You’ve loved him, body and soul. You were there after the Snap and you gave him what he needed and you…you’re nothing?

No. Not nothing.

You’re not enough.

Just a stop along the way.

You sob.

“I’m the one that’s been here through all of this shit with you Steve. We’ve lived together for five years. You slept beside me, for five years and you’re telling me that this entire time I was…what? Second best?”

“No.” Steve moves towards you again but you’re spitting angry and hurt. The hurt is the worst.

“But that’s what you’re telling me.” You argue. “I’m here. I’m right here, Steve.”

“I know.” He says, quiet, pained.

“I love you and I want to give you my life.”

“I know. I love-”

“I will marry you-” You utter desperately, begging almost but you’re getting angrier and angrier.

“Y/N…” He says, a little shocked.

“-and give you babies-”

He blinks, stunned. Thinking fast and hard, brow furrowed with thought and pain.

“-you are all I want. You know that…you know that I love you.”

“I do.” He assures you, seeming to snap out of it.

Your anger spikes, reaching new levels and coating your heart in venom. “Well if you know that you’re all I want the why do you want someone else?!”

You shout and Bruce gives you two a glance but then turns to leave to give you space?

Clint and Wanda turn to look at the two of you, staring for a moment with furrowed brows. Responding to the atmosphere but not your words.

The house door opens, swinging with a faint creak, and Bucky comes outside, standing by the railing as he watches. Deep knowing concern etched across his face.

He knows.

They’re all too far to really hear what you two are arguing about but they know you’re arguing.

“Don’t you want me?” You ask him, back to what sounds like a slight begging quality in your tone for him to choose you only because you choose only him. It’s Steve. Or no one.

“Yes.” Steve nods. “I do.”

He sweeps you into his arms, pulling you against his chest as you turn your head up to look at him, your hand still clutching his compass.

“Then stay with me. I love you. Please don’t do this to us.” You plead. “Please?”

Your voice cracks.

“Please?” You sob.

He leans down to kiss you but the guilt in his eyes doesn’t recede. It makes you pull back and he stops.

“You’re still going?” You check, even though you already know the answer.

“I have to.” He sighs, “It’s…it’s Peggy.”

You shove him away from you again and this time he tries to hold onto you, but you don’t let him.

“And I’m nothing.” You spit, finally managing to get out from under his hold. “I’m nothing to you.”

“Y/N, no. Baby…”

“Don’t call me that, Steve. How can you call me that and do this? Don’t…stop lying.”

You toss the compass at him and it hits his chest. He catches it while you turn and head back inside.

“I’m not lying. Baby…Y/N!” He calls after you, though he doesn’t make to follow and that kills you again.

You pass Bucky who opens his mouth to say something. Defend Steve? Empathize with you? You don’t care. None of it matters.

“Don’t.” You choke, tears streaming down your face.

You don’t stop until you’re in your bedroom, ignoring the multiple faces looking up at you with concern.

“Y/N?” Pepper asks, worried with Morgan in her arms.

“What’s happened?” Thor asks, sitting up straighter in the armchair he’s chose beside the couch.

Once in your room, you move to the closet and go in there too. You find a corner and slowly sink down to the floor, wishing there was a room in this house even smaller than this one where you might have the chance to fall apart in peace.

You want to be crushed. Enclosed in nothing so that this isn’t real, and Steve isn’t leaving you for someone else.

You don’t want to exist. You want to never have felt like this for Steve so that he can’t hurt you.

As it is, this will have to do, so you let yourself fall apart.

An hour later, Steve abandons you.

I’m so sorry to anyone who asked to be tagged and I said I wouldn’t be doing tags because it’s only two parts. If you would like to be tagged in the last part, let me know and I will add you! xoxo

Buy me a coffee!

Forever Tag List @jessieray98 @crist1216 @rainbowkisses31 @xxloki81xx @the-wayward-robot @quokkatrash @tiffanynguyen03 @basementcafe @kind-sober-fullydressed @moli1497 @badassbaker @awkwardfangirl2014 @shield-agent78 @supernaturaldean67 @sea040561 @jewelofwinter @this-side-of-midnight5 @sebbystanlover-vk @just4muggles @death-unbecomes-you @lilulo-12 @whosmarisaaarw @hiddles-rose @pandazlazykid @alagalaska @theonelittleone @xlittlestarling @moonlessnight14 @natura1phenomenon @pineapplebooboo @spaghettirogers @dsakita @sincerelytlh @booklover2929 @lovefreylove @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @vulpecula-minor @babytrollgirl @wildefire @fairislesheets @mother-of-fire-snakes @xrosegoldwolfx @queenoftheunderdark @mrsdeanwinchester19 @thefridgeismybestie @mcuwillbethedeathofme @peaceinourtime82 @baebeepeach @teller258316 @juustpeachy420 @libbymouse @fallinginlovewithqueue

Steve Taglist @patzammit @darkdragonpheonix @lostinthoughts23

[laufire]

ENDGAME

Okay. I definitely won’t be able to sleep today, so I might as well pour out all my Endgame feelings right now.

First thing first, I was probably in the WORST POSSIBLE HEADSPACE to watch this film; national elections where fascists could take over Congress (spoiler alert, they didn’t. I literally just cried with relief for over ten minutes) AND being extremely concerned about characters you over-identify with on the same day, all after the worst year of your life, apparently don’t mix well. Who would have thunk.

(btw, I was spoiled as I was voting about That Very Big Thing; everyone who follows me probably can guess what I’m talking about. I almost threw hands tbh. Then almost cried over a dozen times on the way to the theatre because the stress of the day was killing me ugh).

All this to say, my head is a mess right now, I don’t even know if this post is going to make any sense, and I will probably take time to process certain things and have a definite opinion on them LOL. But well, here is now.

And err. Warning for a brief mention of suicide ideation?

(crossposted to dreamwidth, livejournal, and pillowfort)

TONY (& CO)

– In case it wasn’t obvious, the thing I was spoiled about? Yeah, it was Tony’s death. FML. I mean, even if I wasn’t spoiled, I would’ve seen it coming as soon as we saw him after the five years jump, lbr (happily off-screen married to Pepper? With an adorable daughter? Pepper resigned to the possibility of losing him instead of begging him to stay like in IW? And then the movie kept hammering it home LMAO; that and a lot of things for the mains that I kind of saw coming from less than a third into the movie, which IDK if it’s because I was particularly intuitive, or the foreshadowing was that heavy handed xD).

Obviously, I’m not rocking your world if I tell you I’m extremely heartbroken, I guess. Especially because, as I said, my emotions were already all over the place. And seeing a character I adore, and in who I project a lot of my issues on –including, yes, suicidal issues–, sacrifice their lives (no matter how poignant, and moving, and well-written it might be) was incredibly hard for me. So, yeah. I’m going to have to deal with that for a while I guess. Which I plan to do by writing a bunch of Fix-It and Not Actually Fix-It fics ASAP.

But. I mean, out of all the endings Tony could have, this was always my second choice for him. And he was grandiose in this film. He figured out time travel. He created a gauntlet capable of holding the Infinity stones. Beings far more powerful than him were trying to carry that gauntlet to the van and none of them thought to use it, but he did. He was completely vindicated. He is the Saviour of the Universe.

And he looked gorgeous the entire time, which is truly important for me.

– In all seriousness, the thing I take to heart the most is that

his legacy remains intact

, and it’s inspiring, and heroic, and poetic, and prosperous. Clearly, without him, my enthusiasm for the universe will never be the same, but one thing that worried me is that I wouldn’t want anything to do with Marvel for a while after this film, and that’s not how I’m feeling; I’m very much looking forward to further parallels and homages to him in my ever-growing list :P

Tho, honestly, I’m kind of side-eyeing myself for the fact that, the one time!!! I go and fall in love with a male lead character, he happens to be genuinely heroic and self-sacrificing, instead of just using those concepts as lip-service and getting to have his cake and eat it too LMAO. I mean, sure, given my reactions to those characters, the AeJons Snowrgaryens of the world, I wouldn’t have liked him so much if it was the case, but dammit. It’d be nice to experience that high sometime xD

– The Iron Fam is the best part of this movie for me. Tony’s relationship with Morgan was way too adorable to handle it; Pepper was enormous and so poised (and the scene where they circle around each other in their armors… poetic cinema); I didn’t get enough Iron Husbands to satiate me (Rhodey’s caress should have been skin to skin!), but I loved what we got; Happy is an assholes who made me cry ABOUT CHEESEBURGERS.

And let’s not talk about Peter, OMG. My heart. And Harley appeared to Tony’s funeral! Though, honestly, the person I missed the most there was Christine Everhart, who should have been there just on the basis that I like her (plus, ya know, IMO she was important to Tony’s origin dammit).

I’m going to consider Nebula an honorary member, tbh. Her scenes with Tony in space cut me deep; and she and Rhodey are buddies!

Natasha and Fury (I loved his appearance *sniffs*) are honorary members too, because fuck it. They both appeared first vis a vis Tony on his movies, and have two of my favourite relationships with him, and I say so.

– Related to that, one Failure™ of this movie, is not providing a Nat & Tony one-on-one scene. Seriously, I can’t believe they didn’t realize how necessary that was. But I ADORED the scene where they and Bruce are lying down bouncing ideas about the stones (it made me softly whisper “ot3” LOL); it was possibly the only “Avengers” moment that worked for me –other than Clintasha, but that’s on a different league tbh.

I wanted more Nebula & Tony scenes too; I would’ve loved to see Tony interact with Past!Nebula. Yes, realistically, he would probably had made her LOL, but. I needed it. it’s definitely on my to-write-list :P

– I wanted just some positive interaction between Carol & Tony to counteract Current Comics Bullshit and I got Carol rescuing him, smiling beatifically at him, and Tony basically saying she was Da Bomb and the Avengers should follow her lead instead of keep sucking xDD So that was nice.

– I loved the scene at the beginning where he fucking SNAPS, and goes for Steve’s throat. It was probably my favourite scene. It’s resolution with everyone’s reactions and after the flashforward kind of… totally sucked, but whatever. Still amazing.

– The only part of his storyline that I HATED, and I mean absolutely loathed, was his scene with Howard. Jesus Fucking Christ. They went with the most simplistic take they could have, didn’t they. I haven’t felt more insulted in the theatre in my entire life, and my family made me watch both Ocho apellidos movies with them, so Marvel? That’s a feat. The moment where he says his father hit him with a belt so we (Tony included) are supposed to think, well, at least Howard wasn’t physically violent with his son, hooray?

And I think we’re supposed to take his “wouldn’t want my son to turn like me” as motivation for Tony’s actions and like… newsflash, but Tony has “put the worlds’ needs over his own gain” since Iron Man. Fucking. One. It’s literally what he does in this film, because we’re shown that, despite having achieved his happy ending, he was still trying to figure out time travel even if it meant risking his future.

Seriously, if they wanted me to be moved, they should’ve used Maria. Or hell, Edwin Jarvis was right there. And if whitewashing of Howard’s abuse becomes one of those MCU things that ends up bleeding into the comics, I’m gonna riot. Ugh.

BTW, just thought about this. Has anyone confirmed what the H. of Morgan’s second name stands for? Because my immediate idea was that it was for Happy, but now the fear that it might relate to Howard has entered my brain and I need someone to drive it out.

OTHER FAVES :P

– I am a lot more heartbroken over Natasha’s death than I expected to be. I like her character on paper a lot, but sometimes the writing or the acting don’t agree with me; neither was the case in this movie. I thought she was incredible. I loved the scene where she’s leading the post-dusting council. So losing her in this movie, of all movies, really hurts. And I understand why people who love her would be unhappy, and even furious –to some extent, so am I, tbh; specially because I don’t think she was properly honoured by the other characters after the fact–, but I do think it was extremely fitting for her arc.

– I loved Nebula’s storyline; how she was able to form new relationships, and what I know will be enduring friendships. Her interactions with her younger self were fascinating too; I loved that she perfectly followed the time-travel mumbo-jumbo. And she was so adorable at the beginning. Her bond with Tony didn’t have as much screen time as I wish it had, but the rest of the movie really shows how much his kindness touched her, and I love it. I’m a bit sad she didn’t get to kill any Thanos, tho.

– Okay, putting him in the “faves” section doesn’t exactly feel right, but whatever: I maintain that Thanos is a great villain. I don’t know what people that say otherwise are thinking. He’s the perfect foil for so many characters, and he is genuinely villainous; he is so delusional and self-righteous (seriously, his “solution” for the Snap 2.0 was… o.0) his plans feel sincerely menacing. He perfectly spells out his own doom; narratively speaking? He’s a joy of a villain to me. And I loved how he reacted to the information about the future; specifically, that upon learning about Nebula’s “betrayal”, his tactic was SOFTENING towards past!Nebula to make her even more eager to please him.

– Carol didn’t have much screen time, but I liked what she got (like, nothing too deep, but I didn’t expect much). I liked the Carol/Rhodey nod, even if I’m not sure how I feel about the ship in this incarnation. I wanted to hear something about Maria, but welp.

And on a shallow note, I kind of love that fandom absolutely freaked out about her wearing lipstick on a scene (while praising the “~natural no-make-up make up, effortlessly feminine without looking like you’re actually trying” look that she sported on CM, and disregarding that while yes, it was a troubling look that fitted a pattern across movies, A4 was made first so it was hardly a “betrayal” of the semi-grunge style), for the movie to go and give her the butchest look she’s ever gonna get on film lmao (and I will be pleasantly surprised if they’d keep a look like this for a movie where she’s the lead and not a supporting character, tbh).

– Sam and Bucky were So Soft™ with each other OMG. If their show doesn’t have at least ONE episode centred on them going undercover as a married couple, I’ll write it myself, because they are perfect for it (especially if you add some of the early banter/antagonism).

Btw, Sam getting the shield? The only good part of that mess at the end LMAO.

– I have mixed feelings for the Alt!Gamora development. I just… really loved the GOTG-IW versions of her character and her ship, and she’s gone and just… :( And that type of pseudo-amnesia/relationship do-over thing can be so badly written sometimes… But she’s back, and if done right, the role-reversal between her and Nebula could be gr10 for GOTG 3. We’ll see.

THE BAD™

– I know if I walked up right now to the Russos, and asked them why they hate Thor so much, they wouldn’t even understand the question. They would say, but we love Thor?? He’s such a fun character?? Or some version of the sort. They can fool themselves, but not me. You don’t do this to a character for whom you feel a modicum of respect, IMO.

Like, the fat-phobic jokes? The way they dealt with his substance abuse? How his arc about stepping up and assuming responsibilities ended by… him throwing away his responsibilities. Losing his hammer was a turning point for him to relearn the lessons about value and worthiness and power he’d been taught, and then… this movie. I couldn’t even fully enjoy his scenes with Frigga because I was so appalled by it all.

His only great scene, IMO, was how horrified and out of it he sounded after killing Thanos. I really felt that.

I didn’t even enjoy that he passed his power to Valkyrie because… unlike with Sam, that basically came out of nowhere. If they at least had given them ONE more scene at the beginning; seriously, it writes itself: just put her in the room when Bruce and Rocket are trying to convince him to go with them, and have her being the one that does it. Make her help him the way HE helped HER in Ragnarok; show her trying to help him and getting angry and frustrated. IDK, something.

And I know I’m probably alone in this because everyone around me practically creamed their pants when it happened but… having Steve control Mjolnir felt like adding insult to injury. Not just lifting it (which I would’ve been annoyed by too, given that they rewrote the new Asgardian mythology just to have this scene lol), but commanding it as only Thor did. Just. How much more are you going to take from Thor, people.

I want to make it clear that my problem is with the execution, not with Thor going through this; that, written differently, with more care, I could have loved.

– I’ve always been conflicted with MCU Steve. I loved the Captain America old comics I read as a child, and 616 Steve was A Hero. So I wanted to love MCU Steve just as much but… it often felt that he just didn’t measure up.

Well, conflict over. I don’t like the guy. Reading Man Out of Time just a few months ago probably isn’t helping (and yeah, that’s not a fair comparison, but it illustrates why I look at 616 Steve, and I adore him, and then I turn to MCU Steve and just… this guy is not worth my time).

I couldn’t even enjoy the ship, because my feelings for it come solely from my love for Peggy, and she didn’t even get to say a word? Add to that the fact that an endless loop of “OMG HE MADE OUT WITH YOUR NIECE. NOW HIS NIECE. RUN” was going through my head the entire time (the fact that Sharon was absent from the funeral when EVC acted in half of the MCU Russos films is hilarious in light of this xDD).

 MISC

– I really enjoyed some of the heist shenanigans. Especially Tony’s plan for a distraction being GIVING HIS PAST SELF A HEART ATTACK. How extra and edgy can my man be xD Tony and Scott are A Duo.

– I was thinking that Alt!Loki might make an appearance in GOTG3 if Thor is really a part of it, and how that might mix, but then a friend reminded me about his show, so I guess that’s where they’re going? IDK, The Avengers’ Loki is probably the one I liked the least out of all his appearances, so unless I hear something really good about it, I’m not picking it up.

– IDK if it’s because I was desensitized, but the white suits and Clint’s hairdo didn’t look as ugly on the final product?

– So THAT was the gay character Feige went on about. I knew he was going to be an unnamed nobody with less than five lines LMAO. Stop being cowards and give us Danbeau and WinterFalcon.

– I was very touched about Ned and Peter’s hug (MY BBYS), but isn’t Ned supposed to be five years older? AKA out of high school? I mean, he looked like he had missed Peter, not like he had disappeared with him too? And the entire class is going on a trip in FFH? Is it because of nostalgia/a friends thing? Were all of them dusted? Because poor teacher then xDD

– I think a lot of emotional threads were unceremoniously dropped, but other than the ones I’ve mentioned, I’m more indifferent towards their recipients so… eh. A great example is the fact that Bruce’s conflicting journey with Hulk was solved off-screen LMAO. Some of the humour felt extra-cringy too tbh.

– I have Tony-related fanart as my lock screen, my computer background, and my phone background. I get teary eyed with just looking at them. I should think of changing them, but I wont xD

– I know I’m forgetting things but whatevs, I can talk about them later.

[lovemesomesurveys]

When was the last time someone chased you with a hose? Not since I was a kid.

Do you still wear armbands or rubber rings in the pool? If I wanted to go swimming I’d have to use an inner tube.

What was the last TV show you watched? Doug.

Is your door open right now? No.

What was the last conversation you had with someone about? About some things we needed to do tomorrow.

When was the last time you sang outloud? A couple hours ago.

What was the last parcel you received? My mom gave my brother and I Easter baskets.

How are you feeling right now? Tired.

Would you rather go on holiday somewhere warm or somewhere cold? Somewhere cool and relaxing.

Do you mask being negative by calling it ‘realistic’? Being negative doesn’t always mean it isn’t true. It may seem grim at times, but that’s just the way it is sometimes.

Are you one of those people who talks to everyone when you’re out? Uh, no.

Are you in a relationship right now? No.

Do you collect anything? Giraffe stuffed animals and other giraffe things.

When was the last time you did a hobby of yours? I’m doing a survey now.

Do you prefer rollercoasters or water rides? I do like some water rides. Like those white water rafting type rides, or ones like Splash Mountain. I scream the whole way down and hold on with a death grip, but still. Haha.

Where did you go on the last trip you took? A beach.

What’s the longest car journey you’ve been on? Like 15-16 hours. Horribleeee.

What time is it right now? 1:56AM.

What are your best friends initials? Nah. And no, those aren’t her initials. ha.

What would be your ideal pet? I love dogs, and I have one. It would be cool if I could have a giraffe, but only of course if it were safe, legal, and I lived on acres of land.

Are there any websites you just don’t see the point in? I’m sure there are plenty.

What is something that is always going to make you smile? My dog.

What was the last chore you did? Straightened up my room a bit.

Do you keep the bags you get when you go shopping? Yeah. We re-use them.

Do you like reality TV shows? Yes, I watch a few different ones.

Have you got anything you’ve had since you were a baby? Yes, a few things.

Does it annoy you when people don’t understand what you’re talking about? Not necessarily. It could get frustrating if I kept trying to explain but wasn’t able to and they still weren’t getting it. I’d blame that on myself, though. Unless it was a situation where they didn’t try to understand or were refusing to for whatever reason.

Have you ever spoken to someone on the phone while on the toilet? No.

Is there anyone you’re really jealous of? I’m envious of certain people for certain things, I admit.

Would you rather have a chocolate or strawberry cake for your birthday? Strawberry. Not a big chocolate fan when it comes to things like cakes, muffins, and ice cream. I like some chocolate candies, but I’m not like obsessed.

Do you hit electronics when they don’t work? I have done that out of frustration.

Is your raidiator on right now? We don’t have a radiator. Our heater or AC isn’t on, though.

Do you dislike any certain group of people? Murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and abusers. My feelings are beyond that of just “dislike”, though.

Have you ever bought anything you really wanted, only to never use it? Guilty. Or I’d be into it just for a bit and then get over it.

Do you like reading or playing video games more? Reading. I’m not a big gamer.

What’s your favourite place to go for a drink? I don’t drink alcohol anymore.

What colour are your jeans? I’m wearing gray leggings.

Have you ever been on those vanity groups on MySpace? No, but I remember those.

Which celebrity would you love to be friends with? There’s a few.

What’s your favourite holiday? Christmas.

Are you scared of fireworks? I really don’t enjoy the loud BOOM. They’re visually pleasing, but waaaay too loud.

Do you hate loud people? I don’t hate them, but it’s like damn, please take it down a notch. lol. Not everyone needs to hear what you’re saying.

What about people who speak really loudly on their phones in buses? That is quite annoying when people do that anywhere. Like I said, not everyone needs to hear your conversation. Sometimes they’re talking about things that really don’t need to be advertised to the world.

What was the last flyer someone gave you for? I don’t recall.

Do movies / books inspire you to change your life in any way? Maybe for a brief moment.

Do you read movie quotes even when you haven’t seen the movie? I have done that before.

What are you most excited for right now? Avengers: Endgame.

Have you bought a water pistol for Summer? No.

Do you get embarrassed when the buzzer at the airport goes off on you? That only happened because I’m in a wheelchair and have metal rods in my back.

What does your favourite bag look like? I have a few different ones.

Do you customize your possessions? Sometimes.

When was the last time you thought ‘My family are crazy o.o’? *shrug*

What does your last received text message say? I don’t feel like checking.

Do you like drawing all over people / their belongings? Uh, no.

What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? (besides the obvious :P) Strong perfumes and air fresheners. I’m sensitive to that stuff and it gives me a headache, even nauseous at times.

When was the last time someone told you they loved you? The other day.

Do you get lonely easily? Yes, but I like some alone time, I keep to myself a lot, and I push people away, so there’s that.

Do you read Texts From Last Night? (you should xD) I used to sometimes. That, and FML and Damn You, Autocorrect. Those were hilarious.

What advert is showing on your screen right now? None.

Do you wear baseball caps backwards? No.

What was the last thing you ate? Ham and mashed potatoes.

Is there any talent you would love to have? A talent. ha. I’d love to be able to sing or play piano. Preferably both.

Have you ever deliberately tripped someone up? No.

Do you constantly hate the majority of people? I’m not a people person. I don’t do well with crowds. I’m not social, especially not now. I’m a hermit crab.

Do you like etch-a-sketchs? Nah.

Do you have any boxsets for TV shows? Yes.

[asterlark]

since forever

April didn’t want to be the rebound. She wanted to be the endgame.

or; march and april find their way back together again.

#femslashfeb2019 day 5: sharp | march/april

rating: t | words: 1386

April had been studying perfectly peacefully before March got home from her run, bringing the early September sunshine in with her. She had been focusing, actually, getting real quantifiable work done on her project for CS 441, Artificial Intelligence. It was the first class for her major in a while that hadn’t made her want to bang her head against the wall, so she was grateful for it. She hadn’t been able to focus on it as much as she wanted to, though, because of this exact thing.

This… March thing.

As March entered the bathroom to shower, April turned up the volume on her phone, letting Bon Iver soak into her through her earbuds and drown everything else out. She had made a playlist for this mood she’d been in recently (appropriately titled “fml”), and approximately ninety percent of it was Bon Iver.

She blinked at her laptop screen, trying to make the numbers make sense again, but they refused to cooperate. She’d barely glanced at March, and yet all her brain would do is shout MARCH LOOKS HOT IN LEGGINGS AND A TANK TOP!! And, yeah, April fucking knew that, she was on the volleyball team with this girl. And lived with this girl. And was best friends with this girl. And was Not Allowed To Be In Love With This Girl.

It wasn’t just the simple fact that she loved March that was putting her in a mood. April was used to the feeling of wanting March in ways she shouldn’t, of fake smiles and lying through her teeth and being supportive even when she wanted to rip her hair out. Since March and Justin had broken up in June, though, things had been… different. March hadn’t even been sad, really, and she seemed insistent on making everything normal.

But it wasn’t normal, the tension that had built between them recently. March and April didn’t do tension. They always talked things out, no matter what was going on. Well-- April supposed she’d been keeping this all secret from March, but that was different. That was need-to-know, and she didn’t want to hurt her best friend by springing this on her right after a breakup, like she’d been waiting to pounce. April didn’t want to be the rebound. She wanted to be the endgame. And seeing as that probably wouldn’t ever happen, it hurt less to keep it to herself.

Regardless, this was the first time March had kept feelings to herself in their friendship, and it was weirding April out. It’s not like she expected March to tell her every single thought or emotion that passed through her, but March was usually an open book. She’d been stiffer, recently, sharper around the edges. She was less forgiving during pre-season practices when people made mistakes, less social and chatty, less warmly enthusiastic, less… March. It was subtle, probably invisible to most people, but it was there. And she wasn’t talking to April about whatever was wrong.

Once March was showered and changed, she flopped onto her bed across from April, toweling her hair dry.

“Hey,” she said, sounding tired. “What are you working on?”

April blinked, caught off guard by the question somehow. “Uh, project for AI class.”

March nodded, although April doubted she’d absorbed the information. She looked distracted, having towelled the same section of hair about thirty times by now. April closed her laptop and set it beside her. She might as well do the one thing she hadn’t tried yet-- ask.

“Are you okay, March?” she asked softly, trying to put as much care into the question as possible.

March’s eyes widened in surprise at first, then narrowed in confusion. “I’m fine,” she replied, her words coming out sharp and defensive.

Silence stretched out between them, prickly and pointed. March wouldn’t meet her eyes, and April was trying to figure out why asking about the state of her best friend’s mental health was such a crime. She thought for a long moment, then tried again.

“You don’t have to talk about it with me, but I know you, and I know that something is wrong. I think we both know that it’s not Justin.”

March’s head popped up reflexively at the mention of her ex’s name. She opened her mouth as if to argue, then closed it again. “It’s not a big deal,” she muttered instead, casting her eyes away.

April felt her stomach tighten. This was the first time that March had acknowledged that anything was even going on. She didn’t know how their relationship had gotten to a point where they couldn’t talk to each other about everything in their lives, but it made her feel weird and guilty.

“I don’t like feeling like something is… not right between us,” April said, and March visibly stiffened. “Whatever it is, I just wanna talk about it. We can figure it out. We always do, right?”

March looked up at her again, her eyes full of worry and conflict. After a moment, she took a breath, seeming to steel herself, and spoke.

“Um, so. When me and Justin broke up, it was like, sad, but I felt pretty much... fine. And I had really enjoyed dating him, like, he’s a great guy, he really is. On paper, I should’ve been heartbroken. But.”

March shrugged, and April’s heart did a useless flop in her chest.

“I wasn’t,” she said, meeting April’s eyes again. “I was… relieved. And everyone kept being so nice and pitying to me, offering to watch sad movies and eat ice cream with me, and all I could think was that now I could spend so much more time with--”

The words got caught in her throat, and she exhaled and tried again. “With-- you.”

April had possibly stopped breathing. March kept on talking, gesturing anxiously with her towel, as if she hadn’t just dropped this bomb.

“And I’ve been so weird, I know I have, but I don’t-- I can’t ruin this. I can’t fuck everything up with you. You’re too important to me, and if I ever--”

April couldn’t wait any longer. She crossed the few feet of distance between them, took March’s face in her hands, and finally kissed her. She could feel March tense in surprise, but she immediately responded in kind, reaching her arms around to cradle April’s hips and push her closer. Her still-damp hair tickled April’s face, and she smelled like rosewater shampoo and tasted like her favorite cinnamon gum. They fit together so perfectly, and April couldn’t believe she’d waited this long to close the gap. She could’ve been kissing March for two and a half months.

“I love you,” April said in a rush when they broke apart. “And-- not in the way we always say we love each other. I have for… a while.”

The corner of March’s mouth quirked up in a small, fond smile. “I’m not the only one who’s been keeping things to myself.”

April felt heat rising in her cheeks, a rare occurrence for her. Everything felt dizzy and overwhelming, being close to March like this. “Shut up, you had a boyfriend.”

“And now he has a boyfriend, apparently,” March replied, and April barked out a laugh.

“I think we all saw that coming.”

They smiled dopily at each other, and after a moment March pulled April back in, resting her head against her chest. April could feel March’s wet hair starting to dampen her t-shirt, but she didn’t care.

“I missed you,” March said quietly, slightly muffled by the fabric of April’s shirt. April’s heart did another stupid flop, and she wondered how she could feel so much joy and sadness at the same time.

She drew March’s head even tighter against her chest, trying to squeeze all the love she possibly could into her touch.

“I’m right here,” she said.

And I will be as long as you’ll let me, she wanted to add, but stopped herself. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many questions to ask, so much to talk about. There’d be plenty of time for that in the future. Right now, right here, her only job was to hold the girl she loved, and she could handle that.

She’d been waiting all her life for it.

[tinkdw]

Oooh you reminded me of Eileen... Did you read "the tea os decaf" on ao3??? It is Samleen and Destiel perfection to me. I could totally see that happening. Idk I'm just a really positive person and to me Sam Dean Cas and Eileen (and a dog) happily living at the bunker would be such a good ending ughhh fml

2. Did you read “the tea is decaf”???? You reminded me of Eileen and that fic is Samleen and Deancas perfection to me I could totally see that happening.

Guys the speed with which you are reading my posts is outstanding!

I haven’t read it but I will look it up!

I dunno if you read my whole flailing posts here and here about Saileen and how it is such an exposition to Destiel but I properly flailed about this for like a whole week….

Because they purposefully paralleled them as pairings, they purposefully used the same tropes, they purposefully paralleled some of their characteristics and then Shohannah comes out in an interview and says she was told to play it like a love interest… I’m…

So yeah, to be honest, if Saileen becomes a thing, then it will be another part of the Destiel seems to becoming canon spreadsheet I have compiled.

Aside from that though it would be PERFECT for Sam and I would love it so much. He has already compromised on staying in the life but also probably being on the scholarly side, the whole mol leader thing, to be honest, I will be astounded if it doesn’t end up being his endgame, and now Eileen fits perfectly with this…  and yeah in ONE episode they introduced her as a love interest for him by paralleling 9 years of Destiel.

Good one guys. Well freaking done :)