#this guy isnt a one night stand person

[scaredforboomboom]

https://www.tumblr.com/scaredforboomboom/756068618029187072

Hold up what???? Hes talking about getting his dick sucked in there?

there is even a short promo video of Joost reading it here

and his full story from the book translated in English is here on reddit

tempted to tag this as joost x reader although it's crazy he wrote it 😳

[salemlunaa]

❦ TAPPING INTO THE VOID BUT YOU ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP?

It’s okay sleepyhead, we’ve all been there…

so a lot of people talk to me about the fact that they are trying to tap into the void/“I AM” but they will get super uncomfortable or just fall asleep trying. Then it cuts to them waking up pissed off and upset that they are still in their shitty realities. I feel like so many people have this issue but no one really speaks about it, and to get most blogs to give advice about this specific topic, a lot of the time you have to ask them directly by dming or asking. i’ve also had this problem and let me tell you it’s one: frustrating as hell to deal with and two: no one really speaks about this problem. Here, we talk a lot about giving up, getting too scared at the last second but we never talk about dozing off.

but never fear, sai is here!!

If you are struggling with this i want you to know that as frustrating as it is, it’s so easy to get out of this rut. I would highly recommend starting earlier, i personally love SATS as do many people in the community, but be honest with yourself love, if you see yourself sleeping off i recommend starting earlier than the state right before you sleep as you will have more control of your body.

I also want you guys to try sleeping to waves, whether it be alpha, epsilon, delta and whatever, fall asleep to waves, repeating “I AM” until you doze off. And i know it may be hard for your mind to stick to it but you can, i KNOW you can

you can even try entering during the day, and no it doesn’t always have to be at night because you’re a god and don’t need to be a slave to “time”. you can enter perfectly during the day and it’s just as easy as doing it in the night, don’t let limiting beliefs be the death of you. You can even use the day to affirm that when you sleep you immediately tap into the void/“I AM”, because you are a god, it will become fact when you decide.

I also need you guys to flip your thoughts, and you’ve probably heard this a thousand and one times so i will allow an eye roll just this once, BUT it’s actually something you need to do, don’t tell me “i get it, sai!!” and then come back after another day gone, don’t go around a cycle. I need you to live in the reality in which you are a master of the void and you have never slept off before. I’m gonna say this until i die but the law of assumption is a LAW not belief or superstition A LAW, meaning it can never, ever, ever fail. like ever. If you stand firm in the fact that you don’t have this problem and you are so powerful that there isn’t any time for sleeping, your reality will reflect that 110%

“i fell asleep again even though i told myself i was entering today”

“i hate myself omg i slept off AGAIN”

“i’m such a failure”

SHUT UP, SERIOUSLY? like do i seriously need to remind you who YOU ARE?

“i am a master at the void, failure simply doesn’t exist to me”

“i tap into the void/“I AM” so fast that i don’t even have time to sleep”

“i’m a god and i’ve decided the void always goes well for me”

You can do it, i dont think so, i KNOW it, for a fact, because you’re a god and i’ll be damned if you give up on everything because your body keeps dozing off.

YOU DONT FALL ASLEEP. YOU GET IN INSTANTLY. FLIP YOUR THOUGHTS, SLEEPYHEAD, AND YOULL FIND THAT YOUR DREAM LIFE ISNT FAR… 💋💞

[cranberryjuice-posts]

hear me out please please

Clarisse La Rue with a bimbo girlfriend like her gf is gorgeous but a bit slow and she loves to show her affection to Clarisse and every one knows there together but people still throw themselves at fem reader

OR

Clarisse La Rue x fem reader who is the daughter of Aphrodite and she had a nightmare and goes to clarisse for comfort

- Barbie world -

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Fem! Bimbo! Reader

An - FUCK guys please im literally an athletic artistic fem lesbian why does no one love me 😭

“But im not Cold” You hummed tilting your head to the side. Standing in front of you Logan held out his letter man jacket trying to pass it over.

“But You Are It’s 67 degrees out, you’ve gotta be a little chilly” he grinned still trying to push the jacket to you.

You shook your head. “If I was i would ask clarisse for her jacket.

“Clarisse isnt here though, so I think you should just put my jacket on. We don’t want you getting cold”

Considering it for a moment you almost reached out. Your hand only stopping when you heard a voice you loved threaten behind you. “Fuck off Logan, stop harassing my girlfriend”

Clarisse wrapped a protective hand around your waist. Looking at you for a moment she smiled with a soft “hi”; kissing you quickly before turning her attention to the nervous demigod.

“It wasn’t like That Common” he chuckled trying to play it off. Clarisse obviously didn’t believe him, in fact she found it amusing he was trying to cover his ass.

“Baby you have anything you wanna say to him” she looked down at you. Happily wrapping your arms around clarisse you leaned into the hug, “I love my girlfriend”

“Yeah You do” she smiled flipping off Logan while walking away with you. Clarisse wasn’t going to threaten him, at least not in front of you she’d rather just wait until morning.

••

“Im sorry” You frowned sitting on the ares cabin porch with clarisse.

She sighed looking sweetly into your eyes. “Don’t worry about it ok, it was his fault for flirting with you anyways” her calloused hand ran up and down your thighs, occasionally bumping into the edge of your shorts.

“But I didn’t know he was flirting with me” with a heavy sigh you placed your hand over clarisses. “I don’t want anyone but you why can’t everyone just know that”

“I know Baby” clarisse chuckled leaning into you placing a soft kiss on your lips. “Wanna stay the night?”

“Yeah” You giggled slightly, with the help of clarisse you got up and walking into the cabin.

••

Sitting by the Aphrodite table you gossiped and laughed with some of the other girls. The occasional wave to clarisse here and there, you slid out from the stone table to get some more food.

Todays Outfit was simple, deciding on a denim miniskirt a white cardigan and a tight camp tanktop toy had cut up to show cleavage.

Only a few steps past the ares table you felt someone slap your ass. Turning around upset then first thing you saw was clarisse punching the culprit with a French toast bite in her mouth.

You stumbled back slightly, tripping over your shoes. It took three of clarisses bothers and Chiron to get her off the boy who was coming in and out of conciousness.

“Don’t fuck with me Logan!” She yelled with a busted lip from his hand hitting her. her curls were displaced and her body tense like she might fight the next person she sees.

Reaching out clarisse flinched slightly from your hands. Realizing you were only trying to hold her she quickly leaned into you, letting you cup her face.

Examining her swelling lip you led you hands down to hers. Instead of saying anything you just walked her away from the growing crowd and towards the infirmary

Silently dabbing the alcohol soaked cotton on her lip you tried to not get to emotional. “Thank you”

Clarisse Just hummed in Response, softly squeezing your thighs from the sharp pain of the alcohol. “I’m not gonna let someone assault you and get away with it”

Setting the cotton aside you ghosted your thumb over her healing cut. Leaning down you kissed her chapped lips. You didn’t know what you did to deserve her.

••

By the next morning Logan had bad luck suspiciously latched onto him, and his beloved talent in sports had suddenly faded away aswell. Maybe because you and clarisse coincidently asked your parents to curse him or maybe he was just having a bad day. It was really a question left up for the fates.

[naomijoestar]

⋆.ೃ JJBA HEADCANONS ࿔*:･

Masterlist here <3

genre: headcanons

warnings: slight nsfw for mista

characters: bucci gang

notes: i have never done any headcanon posts but i would like to share these with you guys! even tho part 5 isnt my favorite part in the series, its the part i enjoy writing for the most because bucci gang = confort gang <33

Bucci gang headcanons

(this isn’t checked for any spelling mistakes because i got too tired so i’m sorry if there’s any!)

Bruno Bucciarati

- Loves writing poetry, especially about people he knows and his experiences in life; probably keeps his poems in an out-dated leather notebook inside a locked drawer (i also imagine that he hates to share them with anyone because he sees it as something personal, unless it’s with someone he’s been in a relationship with long term)

- Obviously, a comfort cook. He loves feeding the gang home cooked meals after missions

- LOVES THE RAIN! There’s just something about the rain that soothes him, he also really loves the smell outside after a very heavy rain pour

- He often acts like a protective parent to the rest of the gang, and I strongly believe that he has a soft spot for narancia

- I can honestly see bruno sleeping while sitting up very often, like in chairs and sofas. It’s a habit from years of always being on guard

Leone Abbacchio

- A late night drinker, he enjoys sitting by himself with a glass of wine; he is either zoned off or thinking about the past

- He has an EXTENSIVE collection of vinyl records. Prefers listening to older, slower music because it helps him relax

- This man 100% has a secret soft spot for animals and it’s just so cute, stops on the street to pet and feed stray dogs and cats

- Loves italian pastries, if bruno ever buys a tray of pastries he’ll sneak off at night and eat it all, the gang will probably not suspect a thing and blame it on narancia 😭

- Cold shower enjoyer, also likes showering in the morning rather than the afternoon

Giorno Giovanna

- Plant whisperer, has a habit of talking to plants especially when he’s feeling contemplative

- Giorno keeps his surroundings extremely neat, his room is always spotless and he has a specific system for organizing his clothes, accessories etc

- Obviously has a morning routine, likes to be a pretty princess and has very specific products he uses on his skin, also probably brushes his hair 100 times in the morning to keep it “soft and shiny”

- Enjoys silence more than loud spaces, he doesn’t necessarily hate loudness as long as it’s not too much, but he feels way more comfortable with quiet

Guido Mista

- 100% has a happy trail. I. Will. Forever. Live. By. This. There is not a single thing i hate about mistas character design EXCEPT for the fact araki didn’t give him a happy trail. Like this man is definitely very hairy and prefers keeping a bush

- He is superstitious to the core. He never steps on cracks, walks under ladders, and hates when the clock hits 4:44

- A spaghetti specialist, he takes his pasta very seriously, and even tho he doesn’t know how to cook one bit he will always judge a pasta plate

- Actually doesn’t stink that much, but his body odor is something else after missions (bc of the fact i imagine him to be hairy), but when he’s not on a mission he js smells like citrus and a hint of cigarettes

- Contrary to popular belief, i don’t think mista enjoys gun-play🤔 he sees the gun as something to torture and kill his enemies with, so he would rather not imagine his s/o being in a situation like that

Pannacotta Fugo

- Used to love piano when he was a kid, but when he got older he started to resent it because he felt as if it was forced onto him by his parents, a very good pianist but doesn’t really play

- Habitual Knuckle-cracker, unconsciously cracks his knuckles when he’s irritated or thinking too hard

- Fugo takes pride in his suits and is always dressed to impress, can’t stand the idea of his suits being wrinkled and constantly checks his reflection

- Idk why but i can imagine him playing chess mentally against himself in his spare time

- He’s also fluent in several languages and likes to indirectly flex about it, sometimes switches languages in the middle of a sentence and acts like it was an accident but he actually just wants to flex the fact that he’s multilingual

Narancia Ghirga

- LOVESSS 90’s hiphop and 90’s rap, even tho he doesn’t really understand what they’re saying he is obsessed with the flow and the beat, and also really loves the album covers and how cool they look (i wrote this because 90’s hiphop is my favorite genre of music and i can 100% see it being narancias’ too)(also he prefers biggie over tupac)

- Surprisingly good at video games like arcade shooters, easily spends hours playing and if a game contains a daily log-in streak type of thing, he takes it very seriously

- Snores sooooo louddddddd and moves alot in his sleep, if you’re sleeping next him you WILL be getting kicked, also scratches you with his toenails and cold feet to piss you off

- Has a stash of snacks hidden away for himself and hates sharing, sometimes the chocolates get melted and the candies get stuck together bc of how tightly stashed away they are but he doesn’t care and eats them anyways

- Doodles constantly, on anything, napkins, tables, hands you name it, if he has a pen in his hand he will doodle simple cute drawings

- His phone wallpaper is one of kawaii nutella photo things LMAO😭 idk if you guys know what i’m talking about but he thinks they’re so cute because of their big eyes

That was it! I wanted to write more for narancia because i love him and he is my literal son but then this would be too long ;( If you liked this make sure to check out the scenarios i write and don’t be shy to request ones that you’d like me to write in the future <3

[majorproblems77]

Hello LU fans! I'm back with another LU update analysis! :D

Are you ready cause there's so much to unpack I'm gonna be here a while. Like last time I'm gonna put a timer on lmao, see how long this takes me.

As always grab your popcorn and drink of choice, cause we need hydration in this life.

all art belongs to @linkeduniverse and Jojo, and if I pull panels from any other pages I'll let you know where it's from! :D

Obviously spoilers for Dawn 8 :D

And a note, I've not played TP or WW, you'll see why thats important later.

Let us begin, shall we!

Man, Poor wild, he's probably beating himself up like there's no tomorrow right now. He looks HORIFIED.

Probably because in technicality, he failed.

I love how he's holding his sword here too. Kinda acting as a shield to the conversation.

Same expression as wild. He also looks horrified. Infact the resemblance between these two in uncanny.

Man time really is the dad isnt he. Unimpressed dad look at 12'oclock. Jokes aside he doesn't look angry about it. He looks like he now gathering information from those who finished the fight. As we know once he left with Twilight he was the only other one to not make it back to the fight.

Thats a fair sentence, thinking about it, I think the only other game where Iron Knuckles appear is in one of Hyrule's games? I'm surprised he's not mentioned anything about it.

Most of the others do have armoured enemies though. So while the others dont have direct experience I assume they have the basics.

All but, Sky and Wars None of them fight armoured enemies like that in their games.

I assume because he's defeated this thing like it was a guardian (Stasis and then wailing on it cause that's what i would do lmao) He assumed it was defeated when it exploded into pieces. Like guardians are prone to do. tbh he was probably gonna go back to look for loot at some point.

You tell them Wind. The small hero, underestimated by everyone BUT Time. Was correct thank you.

Justice for the windy boy.

God Wild really is beating himself up about this. I love the fact that we see four's reaction to this statement. As to be honest. Over the last few nights, Four and Wild have had plenty of bonding moments. These guys are gonna become best friends.

And now we get Time.

The way he's looking over these panels. That look. He know's he's the leader of this group but something that Time isn't used to is making Permanent mistakes.

He has the Ocarina of Time, and when he was back in Termina every time something went wrong he could just play the song of Time and restart the three-day cycle with no trouble at all.

Time, as a person. Isnt technically used to failing.

This panel is stunning. It's what I assume is going on inside his head. It's so pretty. It's so detailed it's just oh man easily one of my favourite panels.

now you know i had to talk about panels with my beloved blorbo in.

first off he's so pretty. Jojo has really outdone herself with just how amazing these updates have looked. The lighting the shading its all just so incredible.

The first half of this panel with Sky's face. He, He is beating himself up about the injury. He had nothing to do with it but he cares so much about the rest of the group he feels bad. He kinda looks like he's thinking about it. Like he can see it. Like time did but we dont see inside Sky's head.

Makes me think about what exactly he saw.

And Twilight's face, he looks so sad. His little pout. Poor wolf boy, which we can now call you properly as the rest of them know now.

And to be honest I'm glad he's standing his ground. Mr, My injury isn't that bad before falling over. the stubborn ranch hand strikes again.

The parallels from this frame and the one from later have been mentioned elsewhere but I'm just gonna post the frame here as it's turned up. Run you coward lizard. Run.

Captain link is back. Poor warriors, he's still showing signs of being stressed. He's one of the only one's who hasn't been able to rest over the downtime that they've had. He's been busy being in charge of the group while Time was out.

I can only assume it's only a matter of time before this comes back to get him. Maybe he is next on the chopping block? (Pun kinda intended) Something could happen and he messes up and gets hurt of causes someone to get hurt.

oh and also

THE SCARF

THE SCARF THE SCARF

IT HAS RETURNED ALL HAIL THE BLUE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BLANKET WARRIORS NEEDED YOU.

None of us did, Hyrule.

The boys ever, I'm glad they are talking about this like this. And that it's legend who's starting to throw ideas out there like this. As the one who's got the most experience in the group, it makes sense that he would be the one to start offering ideas as to Why not just how.

Because you pissed it off Sky. Because half of you pissed it off. In fact I do believe he had a bunch of panels in Shifting Shadows pt2 where you indeed pissed it off.

The entire reason it started running from you and Twilight had to track it was because of FI's reaction to his sword.

Wait... that explains the guilt. It is actually potentially Sky's fault. Or if he's anything like I think he is. He remembers that fight with the shadow and knows.

He knows.

Also, with clenched fist Sky is ready for a fight. Next time the shadow turns up I assume he's gonna go after it when it's inevitablebly goes after Twilight/Wild. Maybe he'll jump in after being told not too because the Master sword appears to be the only thing as of right now that can fight the red stuff that comes off the shadows sword.

did you hear Warriors shiver? I did.

And you'd know all about that wouldn't you Four. :D

Also

Mandatory Sky appreciation picture

Him's my beloved blorbo. He's wonderful. Such a lil guy. Bestest bean. My beloved. /pl

Anyway moving on

Oh yeah, the amount of power that the items list contains We've seen the arsenal that they have between them (in the December art).

We saw what just Time could do.

Now add the rest of them and the enemies dont stand a chance. They've just gotta figure out how to either avoid the weapons of each other or work as a team with the arsenal in hand to fight better.

Like imagine if Twilight used his gale boomerang to send Wild into the air.

(Writer brain go brr, gonna write that down)

It's basically Revalis Gale.

This man is so damn dramatic I love him

And here's the parallel frame

the shadow running towards Warriors vs running away from Twilight.

You know thinking about it... Shadow didn't shapeshift until Twilight did. The push towards Warriors was when shadow thought they were on level footing.

But when Twilight went after Dink, he was the one who had to flee because he lost his advantage.

ANGRY SKY ANGRY SKY ANGRY SKY

The man is pissed that Shadow hurt Twilight. He is so damn mad and I think that he is saying what he would assume Fi would. (With more emotion because well, Fi)

Also that last frame.

TIME AND SKY ANGST ON THE HORIZON?

time is looking towards the master sword. And he looks angry. This will absolutely have gone unnoticed by the others because if they saw he was angry it was probably just because of the conversation topic.

god I love the dynamic here and I'm excited to see if it goes anywhere

Him's I love his simple way of agreeing its wonderful.

I approve to wind let's go blow some stuff up!

Hyrule shows the group why he is called the traveller. The man just wants to go on his adventures let him go!

Sky is so proud of himself

this face says 'Look guys I didn't give it to the weird toilet hand! :D'

I love this man a healthy amount.

One last thing before I go

I love this update as a whole, seeing the group gear up and getting to see the layers of the armour and straps and fastenings being put on while they are having this discussion is amazing.

I'd give you a collection of pictures but Tumblr is being rude and I can't post more than 30. So you can have these as all four panels show what I'm talking about.

Twilight adjusting his gauntlets warriors adjusting his scarf.

Hyrule attaching his shield to his back and putting his sword strap on.

God, I love this update so much. It was amazing and I very much enjoyed it. Let me know what you think! :D

Thank you as ever for reading my rambles i appreciate you :D

Have a wonderful day and dont forget to hydrate! See you next time!

[xlpoww]

I wish you would - ZORO'S VER. PART ONE

anonymous asked: i’m a sucker for a opla sanji or zoro x jealous reader 🏃‍♀️ just the months long pining, banter and flirting, assumptions, miscommunication, the heartbreak upon realizing that what they had was just in their head, THE COLD SHOULDER i love it. give me it all. anything. THERE ISNT ENOUGH. BUT WITH A HAPPY ENDING. thanks pookie ily 😣

this is a different format than y'all are used to, but i find some requests more fun/easier to write this way! so i hope y'all don't mind :)

anytime your ship would dock on an island, without fail you and zoro could be found in the bar that night

the whole crew knew there was something between you two, something no one could ever have assumed zoro was capable of.

the longing stares brought on by your inebriated lack of filter. you never normally giggled that much? did you. the ghosts of smiles that your jokes brought to zoro’s lips. if you blinked you would miss the way the corners of his mouth quirked up, only slightly.

your friends were getting fed up honestly. how long would you two hide being the masquerade of being best friends? not everyone could bring down zoro’s walls without a second thought. no one had ever made you smile as bright as the green haired swordman. kiss already, jeez.

“oye zor, i could totally take you!” there’s a drunken flush over your cheeks, and as you lean towards the man in question, your drink sloshes around in your glass. he turns to you with a quirk of his eyebrow, placing his drink down on the table. there’s a ghost of blush dusting across his face, his brown eyes swimming with emotions your intoxicated mind is unable to decipher. 

you swear there’s a twinkle in his eye as he speaks, “i don’t think you could handle me sweetheart.” the pet name lights a fire in your stomach, and paired with the raps in his voice? you can’t help the visible intake of breath. zoro’s eyes fall to your own lips, the air feels thick with want. as quickly as the moment begins, your pulled from it by the slam of a glass on the table. 

“jesus guys! get a room.” usopp's voice grabs your attention, snapping you back to the reality where zoro doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.

most nights would end with you getting sad and leaving off to your room to go sulk and sober up. you knew your place, it was zoro’s closest friend. nothing more nothing less.

so when the girls would flirt with him, (how could they not. he was gorgeous.) you would bite your tongue and kick back more beer. you had no claims to his heart, no valid reason for your heart to sting so much when girls drape themselves over him. the only comfort being he never returned their affections.

until one night, he does? a girl flirts with him and he flirts back. the interaction feels like a personal attack, a sword right through the middle of you. the pain in your heart was worse than any wound you’d acquired in battle. you weren’t sure if it would ever go away. 

you’re not even close enough to hear the interaction, (which was probably a good thing). zoro had walked off to sit at the bar alone while you’d stayed sitting at the table talking to nami. your eyes always followed him though, and the frown that falls onto your lips when a girl walks up to him is hard to miss.

“y/n?” nami follows your gaze to see a woman standing next to zoro, and he turns to look at her. his body language is nothing like anything she’d ever seen with anyone but you.

you’re left speechless, mouth open in shock. who was she? and why was she worthy of his gaze? why had he never looked at you like that. you feel a hand placed over yours, and turn to see nami looking at you. there’s a sadness in her eyes, a pity that took the knife in your heart and twisted it.

“what’s wrong mademoiselle?” sanji speaks up, looking at you with concern. you can’t meet his eyes, you know he means well of course. even so, the flirt was the last person you wanted pity from.

the rest of your drink is tossed back, the stinging feeling in your mouth nothing in comparison to the heavy weight on your shoulders. with an unhidden urgency, you left the table, your chair behind you making a loud noise as you make your quick exit. with a jealousy you didn't believe you had the right to possess, you stomp out of the bar. you didn't have the stomach to spare the sight another glance, but if you had, you would have seen zoro’s concerned eyes on you. 

you didn't leave your room that night, or the next morning. sanji had brought food to your door, it went untouched. nami had come to check on you, but you waved her off.

even when your beloved captain came, you opened the door with a smile and told him you were just tired. the look in his eyes meant you knew he wouldn't accept that excuse for too long. 

usopp came to bug you later in the afternoon, he would take the hint rather quickly. 

the one person you wished had come to check on you, was the reason you were curled up in bed with a hole where your heart should be. how funny was that.

when the man finally came to knock on your door, you just turned over in bed. zoro was left there to wonder in silence, what had happened to his girl?

taglist: @shuujin @angeli-fucking-cat

[updatingranboo]

ranboo tweet... uh

["This was such a good joke and I am appalled by the fact that it has not gone absolutely bonkers viral. I mean is comedy dead? I just dont understand how a regular human being can read the word "Greans" (A combination of green and jeans) followed by an image of, well, green jeans, and not absolutely evacuate themselves in laughter.

I believe this has something to do with the fact that comedy as we know it is dying. It has become too mainstream in todays media and that is the main problem. Gone are the days where silly little guys in their silly little hop hats are able to go "knock knock" and absolutely change the world. Nowadays you have to have so many things that go into a joke for it to remotely even be funny, setup, punchline the whole ordeal. Whatever happened to just a simple Practicality joke? Whatever happened to just being able to slap someone and be the headlining act?

The world is so full of so called "comedians" these days it makes me sick. All these people do is spend hours writing and practicing their act in order to try and sway an audience to have a good time listening to their words. For SHAME! Comedy used to be just two people on a stage just slapping eachother and going "knock knock" for twenty hours. Whatever happened to the good ol days where people just laughed at whatever someone said because their brain hadnt fully developed?

This is why I believe that I am going to start performing my comedy acts to a bunch of babies. An absolute hoard of newborns. I will make my jokes to them and they will laugh for they truly understand what humor should be. I will go to a hospital in that little room they have where it is very easy to switch said babies and cause a bit of a ruckus, but instead of doing that (very funny joke) I will simply perform for them and relish in their cheers and guffaws.

It is sad that one has to turn to performing to just babies in order for the world to understand the complexity of ones said humor, but alas if its what I must do its what I must do. Maybe one day we will revert back to absolute comedy anarchy, where the chicken has not yet crossed the road, but until then I will continue to strive and push forward in this dark age of comedy.

Maybe a complete reset of what we find funny is in order, maybe we have lost what humor once was for us. We obviously have considering my VERY FUNNY TWEET does not have a bazillion likes and has not spun off at least 30 million movie deals. (Please note that this joke is satire, and Ranboo stands in solidarity with the SAG-AFTRA strikes. Support actors and writers. -A message from Ranboo)

I spent time and effort making this tweet, I saw the green jeans in front of my eyes (which are very squishy) and my neurons fired and made this absolute gem of a joke. I was excited to share it with the world, I tweeted it nearly right after I saw it, excited to see what new adventures this tweet could bring me. I went to bed all cozy smiling like a child on christmas eve night, excited for the morning. When I woke I turned to check my phone instantly, my eyes racing to see the like total. What would it be? 500k? A million? I was surprised that my dms hadnt blown up with a personal message from every billionaire going "let me give you all of my money I can never make anything as good as your "Greans" tweet" but It must have been a glitch.

I was appalled to see that my tweet had only 30K??? 30K for the pinnacle of all of human achievement? A slap in the face of innovation is what it felt like. Like when that thomas edison guy ate a stolen lightbulb or something idk what he did really but I remember the person who made that lightbulb which he ate probably felt really sad and I felt really sad so I felt a deep connection with that person.

I quickly fell into a great depression, this is what all of my life had lead up to: one sad tweet. I didnt see the outside for years because of this tweet. I thought to myself "why would they do this?", "Isnt humanity supposed to be kind, supportive, and have a sense of humor when it comes to differently colored jean jokes?" (dcjj as I call them), and "Man I should probably have a burger" (I did) (very yummy) but as I ate my burger all I could taste were my TEARS as I chomped into it from the top down. It felt like I couldnt do anything right. Until thats when it hit me.

Im not the problem, EVERYONE ELSE IS! My humor isnt "bad" or "unfunny" or "makes me want to find a microwave and cause it to malfunction so I either become the hulk or die" (Please do not try this. -Another Ranboo message) It has to be that simply I am so far ahead in the world when it comes to comedy that my time has simply just not yet come! My jokes will be funny to a different generation, which will be frowned upon at first but I will quickly be welcomed with open arms, and told that I am an innovator, a true scholar of all that is funny.

And so I wait for that day. I wait for the day that people look back on my Greans tweet and realize, that without a doubt that it is the funniest thing that they have ever seen. The problem is not with my joke, the problem is with the world, and thats what makes humanity beautiful, is that it evolves, it changes, it doesnt stick to its mindset that a tweet that has the word "Greans" followed by a pair of green jeans doesnt get a BAZILLION LIKES! I wait for that day, and for those of you who are with me, I hope you wait patiently as well. Stay strong."]

[soomanymoths]

"Trying to destroy them" is such a hyperbolic statement (very on brand for crink). Im not destroying anyone - im fully in my right to be transparent about how i was mistreated. If you dont want to have bad things said about you - dont do bad things. Crinkle did a lot of fucked up things. And no, this is not some distant past. Only very recently did crinkle apologize to his wife for cheating and actually showed any kind of shame over his behavior towards her. He continues to lie and try to cover for himself in regards to how he treated me. "Wild things" 100% real things that i have proof for... and honestly what i shared pales in comparison to some other shit crinkle pulled during all this :') Idk what u mean by checking tags - feels like u misunderstood / didnt read correctly tbh? I always knew what fic i was reading! The explicit nature of the fic was NEVER an issue for me. The issue was that both Crinkle and Krys acted as if their brains leaked out in the discord server i made for several people - they used absolutely no content warnings, they roleplayed very explicitly anywhere they wanted while being fully aware Nightjarteeth (cr's spouse) is uncomfortable with SA, r*pe, etc. We had RP & NSFW channels for a reason - they didnt use them when it was appropriate. And while i personally have high tolerance, waking up and seeing discussions about a teenager being sodomized with a hot curling iron in a channel meant for selfies, pets etc. first thing in the morning was a bit much even for me. No warnings, no spoiler marking, nothing. Very cool and considerate /s. Honestly what you wrote just reads like you didnt bother to read what i put out - I stated my issues very clearly. But no matter, your choice to blindly believe whatever Crinkle peddles to their readers. It is pretty gullible though, for anyone to believe what he says based solely on the fact they like his fic. As you said - you dont know this person. But i do. His wife does. Two other irl's called out crinkle oh his behavior as well. The truth is not always pretty. Honestly the bottom line is that what Crinkle is doing / has done had real life consequences and that pales in comparison to me making fanart and asking questions. Both Night and I were severely hurt and mistreated in all this - it's unfortunate you're not willing to put it on the equal ground with whatever Crinkle and Krys say.

CrinklyTinfoil bs

Just a collection of receipts since krys decided to go ahead and spew such backwards bs im no longer willing to keep this to myself - i only did in the first place because crinkles spouse (nightjarteeth) asked me to keep it tucked away for a while (Night is aware of the events and supports me in the situation last i checked). Crinkle really hates the idea of their behavior backfiring & someone they hurt speaking about the experience. They will do anything to discredit people, doesnt matter if they caused the sitch in the 1st place. Its all about appearances, distorting events and grasping at straws for them. If you're their reader and you choose to believe them - remember they were comfortable pulling wool over the eyes of their spouse and someone they called a "dear friend". Ask yourself why anyone else would be exempt from this. I might update this when i have more time on my hands.

[boxjellyjelly]

Do you happen to have any headcannons regarding O'Connor and his friends? They live rent free in my head right now

Gotta admit, i do really hope they release maybe like a dlc or a short part two game that just focuses on the crew and their lives, because O'Connor and Gibbo, despite having only a few lines actually seem like they have lots of cool lore! Especially Gibbo (him talking about beasts, flashing lights etc)

Anyways! Heres a few headcanons of Gibbo, O'Connor, Trots, Finlay and Caz! **SPOILERS!!**

O'Connor

- i think lots of people think Mary is O'Connors wife, but I actually think hes talking about his daughter! Someone on the SWTD reddit said the ones who turn into The Shape are sort of traumatized or broken in some way, and the shape seems to lure/sedate its victims by making it think someone they care about is talking to them, so my mind immediately goes to O'Connor had a wife who either died or left and Mary is all he has. Poor guy :(

- I feel like he would be the type to go up to Trots when they first meet and ask if he can "see how blind" Trots is by trying on his glasses lol (he means well though!!)

- Poor man has night terrors like nobodies business. I like to think hes had night terrors the week leading up to what happens in the game about The Shape, but in very vague ways. Has probably told Trots or Gibbo about them as a joke.

Gibbo

- Again, a lot of people on reddit speculate that people who are traumatized or broken, I think his father left him or maybe just isnt a very great guy, since he tells Caz to tell his mom he'll be home soon, and since his ramblings sometimes sound like something an angry/neglectful father would say to a kid. I think Gibbo def gives off mamas boy vibes

- BIG. OLE. SOFTIE!!!! Definitely is the one who hung up all the christmas decor, and helped Dobbie with decorating their shared cabin.

- Definitely has seen some weird shit that Rennick has told him to stuff down, the "flashing lights" in the ocean, creatures that come up that he chalks up to being weird sea creatures so he can sleep peacefully at night

- I feel like in a weird way, he would survive the explosion and make his way to the main land, maybe to see his mom again or to try an find help

Trots

- I personally fucking adore Trots, he feels like the dad friend of the crew, the type that goes up to the crew when Rennick is up their asses and tells them to stand up for what they think is right.

- Always making passive aggressive comments around Rennick, Caz and Roy are always having to break the two up when they get into heavily heated arguements

- In his infected form, i think it shows a lot about the stresses he has as a union person and as a person in general. He feels like hes always having to clean up peoples messes, make sure things are working the way he should be, I feel like he puts on a composed face infront of everybody but is heavily stressed by his duties to keep everyone from getting killed

- I think he likes melancholy music :] soft and sad tunes that you can take a nap to while it rains outside

Finlay

- Can throw back shots like nobodies business, Caz and Muir are constantly doing drinking games with her and she always wins (though the hangover afterwards for her is more of a lose than anything)

- Constantly messing with Addair by getting into political battles and not giving him any satisfaction in seeing her get angry or anything, will sometimes just throw in random hyper-exaggerated takes to see him get mad

- As we seen from the paper, an absolute fucking wizard at darts, like, to the point where if shes drunk as all hell shes still able to hit multiple middles in a row

- Has nightmares too, but about her son. I cant imagine how hard it was for her to make it past the Shape hearing her son singing and calling out to her :((

- I feel like shes also pretty close with Roy, goes out for smoke breaks with him and stuff like that

Caz

- Double jointed. Maybe im just projecting onto him but the way his legs hurt from like THE SMALLEST OF FALLS is some double jointed problems shit. That being said, he totally does that bending-finger-back party trick for the crew, Trots tries to warn him against doing it but the look of disgust and suprise on the crews face will always make him do it again lol

- Was accidentally the first person to find out about Muir and Innes's relationship. He caught them kissing in the mud room, ever since then hes tried to be like,,,, overly accepting to the point where every time Innes and Muir are walking together he gives them a thumbs up like a dork

- Keeps his hair long despite Rennick and Addairs comments because Suize likes it that way (you cannot tell me Caz doesnt like getting his hair pulled lmao he is WHIPPED for that lady)

- I like to think his afterlife is him haunting his house, i know that may sound shitty but i want that man to be able to watch his weans grow up :(((

[masterofengene]

♡&TEAM as boyfriends♡

This is just my personal opinion, but please share your thoughts! This is the first set of headcannons I've ever done so let me know what you think!

K

He's literally the sweetest boyfriend imaginable.

Bonus points if you're older than him

Please take care of him he's always taking care of his younger members. He deserves it.

His ideal date is definitely going on late night walks. Like super late, like around midnight.

But he will also do whatever date night you want, just give him the word.

As for PDA. He isnt the most affectionate... in public.

If the other members know about the relationship, he will hold your hand in front of them but that's about it.

But in private. Oh boy.

He's all for cuddles, please just let him wra you up in a blanket and hide away with you for the day.

He will not let you go.

His favorite kind of kisses? He loves when you kiss his cheek, it's just so innocent and it has a way of making him smile.

Likewise, he loves kissing the top of your head because the height difference. He loves wrapping his arm around your shoulders and tugging you close just to kiss the top of your head

Fuma

PLEASE

Please hug him. As tight as you can. You could be shorter or the same height as him, maybe even taller.

Just whenever you see him, run at him and tackle him in the biggest hug you can muster.

His love language is physical touch so he's big on pda. He won't kiss you in front of his members because 'I'm mature' he would say

He would hold your hand, kiss your cheek, anywhere but your lips.

His idea of the best date is going out to a fancy restaurant where you need to dress up and need a reservation.

When you started dating, he started paying for anything you bought when you go out together

He doesn't care what it is. You are not gonna pick up your wallet when he is around.

Speaking of.

He's gonna carry your purse. Chivalry isn't dead.

He's thought of hybe making your relationship public, but he wants to keep you to himself a little longer.

You bring snacks for him and the members when they have dance practice.

You became the mom of the &team members.

I don't make the rules.

Nicholas

I can't explain it but Nicho is the kind of guy to call his partner babygirl/boy.

He's the type that all of his dates would be so chill and so laid back. Just go with the flow.

He's not he most hyper guy but he can still be alot to handle.

Speaking of handling. Pda.

He loves it. Literally he loves it almost as much as he loves you.

He's always gonna have an arm around you, his hand intertwined with yours.

When you two are alone, oh great heavens.

He won't put you down

If you two are cuddling and you want a snack. Good luck. You can't go alone. He's gonna pull you up into a hug and walk with you in his arms, not caring that the pair of you will bump into things on the way.

Seriously.

He fell first. He was the first to confess. The first to initiate the first kiss. He was the first to cry in front of you. He was the first to bring up making your relationship public.

He's so vulnerable with you take care of him

EJ

DEEP BREATH

he would be hesitant to confess because he has the habit to always think of the members before himself. He knew that if he told you, it could grow into a relationship.

A relationship could really do some damage to a newly debuted group, if it was made public one way or another.

But...he couldn't hide that lovesick look in his eyes when ever he looked at you.

The members were the ones who convinced him to confess. They couldn't stand anymore silent pining.

But when you guys get together... it was like yall had been dating for years

The rest of &team could always count on you to make EJ's day better.

Him teaching you korean if you didn't know it

You teaching him English.

Yall are the couple who wears matching outfits but not In that cringy way.

EJ who blushes when you kiss him in front of the members.

EJ who hides his face into your shoulder cause he got shy from their teasing afterwards.

You and Nicholas are now best friends...I don't make the rules.

Yuma

LETS GO MY BOY YUMA.

he's such a playful boyfriend.

He's such a tease.

You confessed. Shocking I know.

But you only confessed first because he was teasing you so much and you got frustrated. You guys had been mutually pining for such a long time.

You both knew you liked each other, you were just waiting for someone to say something.

But when he looked at you with that teasing smirk you couldn't help it, because you knew he knew.

So the "I like you!" That slipped out was almost an accident.

But after that. He took you out to the movies and you guys relaxed together before he asked you out, to be his.

When you said yes he texted the &team group chat and told them the news.

K jokingly barges in when he knows you Two are cuddles and yell "no babies for my babies."

The first time it happened you could have sworn you saw yuma's soul leave his body for a moment.

JO

Please he's so shy

Even after you two make it official.

He is just so scared he could break you one way or another.

You're just so small compared next to him.

He doesn't have alot of experiences with love before you so he doesn't really know how to act or how to romance you but he knows for one that he wants to make you smile.

He accidentally confessed.

He meant to text harua... about how perfect you looked.

Instead you were the one who got it.

When you two cuddle, he holds you like you're made of glass.

His favorite position Is spooning because that way if he gets shy he can hide his face into your neck or look away where you can't see him.

He is still learning what pet names to use, so for now he will call you by name until he finds the perfect match for you.

You bet your ass you're going out to eat at least once a week.

Growing together.

Harua

You're the spitting image of perfection in his eyes. He literally could not think of anyone more beautiful than you.

He's so sweet to you. He opens the door for you, gives you his jacket if he notices you're cold.

He never confessed.

It was like one day you just looked into his eyes and suddenly you both just... knew.

The next day you were inseparable.

He helps pick out your outfits for dates. That's because he likes to surprise you. So if he has to tell you to dress warm in the middle of summer then it's no surprise he's gonna take you to the ice rink to skate.

When he knows you aren't feeling well, he calls his mom to ask for her advice.

You get close with maki and taki, often you three will be found bickering before harua pulls you away to spend time with him

You stay over at least once a week.

Seperate bed. Not his fault

Nicholas almost had an aneurysm when he walked in on you sleeping on haruas chest on the couch.

"No underage canoodling"

Taki

Everyone knows he has grown so much since i-land.

He's matured.

But as a downside he thinks way too much overthinking all of his actions.

He didn't want to ruin his friendship with you... not at all.

You had to confess to him. But the wide smile that appeared on his face couldn't lie.

You guys took a while to get together because you were in school and he was always busy.

But when you guys did, you were joined at the hip. You would spend as much time together as you could.

You would come by after class to sit in on his dance practice, handing him his water bottle as if you had been there all day.

...when he notices you're stressed he takes you out to dance in the rain. Neither of you even think that you could get sick

It's so therapeutic because you two had your first kiss in the rain, running back to the dorm in the rain after class.

Keeping your relationship secret to the public

Maki

You're his first and last love. (He hopes so at least)

You guys are too young to start planning a future together but he knows he wants you in it. In all of his future dreams he seems you there cheering him on

He had known his feelings for what feels like years so when he confess it was a simple I love you in German

"Ich liebe dich so sehr." After that you made it your sole purpose to learn at least basic German to figure out what that boy had uttered when he saw you fussing over your Hair and makeup.

It was 2 am when you figured it out a couple weeks later.

And you better believe you ran all the way to his dorm just to wake him up and say it back to him.

He teaches you german. Or tries to.

You guys speak in English alot together.

&team treats you like their little sister.

[ahlyasimps]

Sebastian Sallow Headcanons

A/N: Prefer the way I wrote these headcanons to my Ominis ones.

✧ Totally the type to drag you out on some adventurous dates. Sebastian is a thrill-seeker who loves exploring dangerous places, so he might take you on a midnight broomstick ride to the forbidden forest or hocus pocus your way through a poacher camp. He might also challenge you to a game of Quidditch or suggest sneaking out of Hogwarts to visit a nearby village.

✧ Despite his daredevil and bullheaded nature, Sebastian is also a bookworm who enjoys reading about ancient magic and history. He needs to find a cure for Anne after all and some of the books he read genuinely sparked a passion for reading in him. He might take you to the Hogwarts library and show you his favourite books, or ask you about your opinion on wizarding history and magical beasts.

✧ Sebastian is known to be a shameless flirt and someone who can charm the pants off anybody but it’s a mask to hide a boy desperate to protect those he holds dear. This might make it challenging to get to know him at first. However, as you spend more time together, he might reveal his deeper thoughts and emotions, giving you a glimpse into his complex personality.

✧Sebastian has a sarcastic sense of humor and a love for puns/dad jokes, which can be both hilarious and infuriating at the same time. He enjoys banter and witty exchanges, and he loves to make his partner laugh.

✧ Sebastian is interested in the darker aspects of magic, he taught himself the Unforgivables after all. He needs someone who can understand this and not hesitate to pull him back when he goes too far. This could lead to some interesting conversations or debates about the ethics of magic (”how is a painless death from Avada Kedavra banned but burning someone alive with incendio isnt?” he likes to say). You’re the best person for this after all since the Unforgivables aren’t as taboo for someone so new to this magical world. He feels like he can have a genuine conversation with someone about it without being painted as the bad guy straight away.

✧ Despite his chill demeanor, Sebastian is fiercely loyal to his friends and loved ones. He might joke around and tease you in public, but he'll defend you and stand by your side when it counts. He might also show his protective side by teaching you defensive spells in the Undercroft or offering to walk you back to your dormitory after a late-night adventure. He refuses to let even a scratch land on you.

✧ Sebastian is a bit of a romantic at heart, even if he doesn't always show it. He might surprise you with a handmade gift, a poem he wrote just for you (which is about as bad as you’d expect it to be), or a surprise date that he planned with meticulous attention to detail. He wants to make you feel special and appreciated, even if he doesn't always know how to express it.

✧ Ultimately, dating Sebastian would be a whirlwind of adventure, mystery, and complex emotions, with plenty of opportunities for growth and exploration.

[hayw1res]

stubborn princess and the silent knight.. !

a/n: ive been writing this for a month like guys life has been… life okay. ill do the kinktober list….. maybe soon . this isnt proofread and its kinda fast paced? idk guyys

warnings: drinking , kissing , “secret identity” , nothing 18+ yet folks

pairing: knight! megumi x princess! reader

you hated it, oh how you hated your father - the king, your mother - the queen, you even hated the maids and various servants who called upon you to serve your every beck and call. you hated it all, but you loved looking from your terrance down to the knights in training, the boy with jet black hair and a scowl on his perfect face.. oh how you loved to think of him while you swooned over the side of the balcony, clutching your chest in hopes he didnt see you staring so intently. the way he sparred with almost little effort put into the fight, the way his sword always glistened from his upkeep, the way hed wipe the sweat from his brow, but constantly ask to continue fighting.

oh everything about him was just so dreamy.. you'd write in your diary about him. about your fantasies.. about how you wished to be together one day - for him to teach you the way of the sword and for you to tend to his wounds when he ever gotten hurt.. you ached for just a sentence to fall from his pretty lips, just for one day call you his own.. to call you his princess.

your fantasy cut short when your father called you down for supper, he wasn't a bad man, he was no tyrant.. but you fell victim to his expectations. you were nearing 20 , unmarried and still unwilling to court- your parents started to grow impatient..almost everyday a new prince from a "far away kingdom" would trot his was to your throne to ask your hand in marriage, each answer stayed the same... a big fat no.

"my dear.. the prince of homsworth would make a fine husband would he not?

your father spoke, it broke you from your daydream.

"father, i dont need to wed yet.. besides wouldn't you rather i fall in love? have a man swoop me off my feet rather than settle for the next prince up.." you muttered the last part to yourself, your mother clearing her throat after you

"me and your father courted young- we didnt know it then but we were in love.. how shall you know love if you never experience it-" she went on and on, during about responsibility and what a good princess should act like... this talk again, always on and on about how a princess shall act - how a princess shall talk - how she shall dress.. all of it went through one ear and out the other.

supper always went this way, they argue and dispute about your unwillingness to marry, you tell them no and finish dinner, then you run away to your room and rest the night away.. you were used to this song and dance already- you lived the same day over and over again without fail.. it was tiresome. just as you were about to place your napkin on the table and push your chair away to excuse yourself, your father stopped you.

"ive arranged something, darling.. an escort. we are worried about you" he says kindly as he motions for one if the knights to step forward, dawned in nothing but chainmail and metallic clothing, the knight bows to you.

"he. is your personal knight. for your safety and for my own concern of you... sneaking out at night." the king adds on, your mother nodding in agreement. sneaking out? how dare they assume you of such low standard.. you may hate the constant reminder but - you still were a princess.. the future ruler of this kingdom.

"id never. you say with a scoff, standing up to excuse yourself, forgetting you now be followed by silent footsteps. they followed you from the grand hall, to the corridor, to the entrance of your bedroom. you huff and turn around, the idea of the knight following you everywhere both annoyed and excited you.. yes you hated the idea of not being able to sneak out anymore— but a knight? Your knight, that did anything you’d ask him to..

You sat and pondered at the door, awkwardly asking him if he were to follow you to your bedroom or stay out here- and much to your surprise the silent man turned to stand guard at your large double doors. You couldn’t help but think..when did he rest? when did he eat? when did he have time to do.. anything? so many questions remained unanswered as your infatuation grew- mixed with the curiosity of who was under that mask.. you hoped it was the boy with the jet black hair.

“well.. goodnight” you spoke quietly , receiving only a nod in return.

that started you nightly routine for months.

each and everyday he would follow you around, do small tasks you asked of him, and everynight he would stand guard outside your doors. you wondered if he enjoyed this or secretly hated you.. you wondered if you were even kind enough to him for him to enjoy his job.

“oh well..” you whisper to yourself at night as you covered your body with the thick blankets given to you from the maidens.. winter was coming fast.

the next morning you received notice that your knight would be gone for the day, apparently he was leading some other younger recruits in training, so you had a replacement ! he was much more.. talkative than what youre used to. you thought it was fun, speaking to him almost all day.

his name was yuji , he apparently been training here for years and is on the same rank as your knight which you learn is named megumi.

“megumi has always been like that, quiet i mean.. its not because he hates you he just takes a while opening up!” yuji heard all about it, he wanted you guys to be buddies. especially because he wanted to secretly also be buddies with the princess, but that was besides the point.

“im sure if you keep being kind to him, eventually he will start talking —maybe talk about his interests ! i think its just fighting though.. occasionally ill see him writing in a little journal too!” yuji exclaimed excitedly , you nod.. maybe that’s exactly what you’ll do.

the next few days went by quickly, you and yuji became a bit closer and your father started to slowly stop asking you about marriage since every single time you just ignore him or say “no” . today was the day megumi came back from training , unfortunately that meant yuji went back to his usual schedule but that didnt mean you couldn’t visit him!

megumi was stoic as always, standing beside you as you walked down the halls of your castle.. you sigh as you turn to look at him.. he still had that damn helmet on.

“I heard from Yuji that your name is Megumi.. is that true?” You ask , a basket in your arm as you prepared to go to the garden

megumi could only hum, at least you got that out of him..

“right.. you know my name of course. i didnt take yuji to be such a talker, i thought all you knights were strong silent types”

before you could reach for the door he already opened it for you, leading out to the large greenhouse you kept.. you smile and walk ahead of him.

the sun was bright today, though it was approaching winter it seemed the winds were lower .. a moderate temperature. you walked into the greenhouse and started to tend to your plants, picking off a few you wanted to add to the pots around the castle

“so.. do you do anything other than this?” you ask, trying to get the silent man to open up. he stays silent for a while.

“.. i enjoy sparring” he says finally, the deep rumble in his voice almost makes you crumble. you giggle at the answer.. of course he would enjoy something like that.

“right.. i see you guys usually from my balcony. it seems a bit harsh.. but i get it for practice” you continue picking flowers until the basket is full, turning back to the knight

“its a wonderful day outside.. shame we have to stay indoors and miss the festival.” you catch him off guard, a princess such as yourself being interested in the commoners dance? he and yuji participated often, mainly because yuji enjoyed them most of all.. megumi only went to make sure yuji didnt do anything stupid. the knight let out a hum, a noise that almost startled you.

“sounds like you don’t believe me.. didnt father tell you why you are hired in the first place..?” You chuckle, picking up the basket of flowers .. he knew of the mischief you got up to at night.. he knew you would sneak out your bedroom window in a gown to fit in while you danced and drank with the common folk. he knew this all because you intrigued him.. from the moment he seen you watching his training on the balcony.

“.. yes” he said simply, following behind you back to your room as the sun began to set. you were surprised he said anything.. his deep but smooth voice almost made you melt

“i know you leave the castle often.. you come back smelling of booze but you look- happy almost..” he continued until you both reached the doors to your room.

“then..?” you turn to him, expecting him to just shut you down and make you go to bed.. but something about his demeanor today.

“then.. i hope you dont get hurt” he says under his breath, almost a silent way of telling you to enjoy yourself, of course he would be watching you all night anyways. he always did when you went out.. always.

the night progressed as usual, you went to your room and he guarded your door..except tonight was the night of the festival. at a shivering 2 am you dressed in a black gown and climbed out your bedroom window to join in on the festival! there was dancing and singing, chanting of prayers, drinks being passed about every which way, this is what you were missing being stuck in that godawful castle all your life, and now that you were older you were able to enjoy them to the fullest in secret.

you danced, you sang and you drank until you felt your body lighten and you never felt better. you couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes lingering on you that night.. more than usual at least. you stumble and make your way to the path that lead to a hidden entrance to the castle, one close to your room. you heave as small breaths leave your body.

footsteps trail behind you and you freeze, usually you never had an issue with people following you home or drunkards stumbling on the path, almost always finding a way to slip away undetected. you start to speed up as much as your heels would allow on the rough terrain. you almost fall until a pair of arms catch you, fear washes over you for a second before you hear him.

“Are you alright..” His soft voice hit your ears and you sigh .. that voice again

“Fine…Fine now.” The adrenaline washed over you knowing it was just megumi, his hands felt soft.. you turned to look at him finally, but he wore a mask. go figure i guess.

“I guess.. we go home now?” You say , almost as if you were inviting him- like you don’t live together practically. You begin your walk he was silent for a while, just following you while you make your way to the castle.. going on and on about the festival as if you hadn’t experienced the same things. He didnt care though, he didnt care that you talked so much about your day because he wanted to hear it from your perspective.

The night was young , once you two made it back to the castle and your room..it was like your conversation made time go by faster.. talking to- or rather at him was refreshing. Even if he was just behind a mask.

“Want to just.. come sit inside?”

“..Okay..”

How did those few words end up with the two of you in a dark room, making out like a couple of teenagers? You couldnt tell.. you complimented his mask, almost got him to take it off.. he convinced you maybe its better to turn the lights off and you.. believed him.

Now the two of you sit on your bed, hands roaming eachothers bodies in a hot , steamy , messy makeout session.. tongues clashing in a battle for dominance you were slowly losing. You didnt even care that he were your knight.. you didnt care about anything other than how he felt right about now.

that feeling didnt last forever.. soon the gasping of air filled the area , you wanted more, needed it..

but your eyes shut gently .. you feel sleep taking you away and by the time you wake hes gone..

“ugh.. my head hurts..”

[ewanmitchellconnoisseur]

Mɪᴛᴄʜᴇʟʟ Esᴛᴀᴛᴇs (2) "Bɪᴛᴛᴇʀ"

EwanMitchell Verse x F!Reader & Will x Reader

A/N: Dedicated to the anon who sent me some kind words! Hopefully this isnt horrible 😭 //Dividers by@firefly-graphics

Summary: You settle into you new home pretty well. After a week you've seen all the tenants and eve learned some of their weird habits. After a late night walk you happen to come accross someone in a moment of vulnerability.

TW: 18+, smut, masturbation, protected sex (wrap it before you tap it...sometimes), p in v, rough, soft to rough sex, dry humping, alcohol consumption

Word Count: 4k

Masterlist • ← Previous Chapter • Next Chapter → (WIP)

A week has gone by since you moved in.

Surprisingly it was a pretty calm week. Your friends dropped off the furniture that they found for your apartment. Since you didn't have any classes you painted the walls, giving the place more color and personality.

You hadn't gotten the chance to talk to anyone in the building really but you spent a good amount of time peering out your window and seeing all the different tenants and their habits.

You noticed that there was this boy about your age who spent most of his time hanging around the mailbox. You thought it was odd at first but then on a different day, you saw him sneakily stop and examine someone else's package. He only ran off and didn't take it because that tenant opened their door.

You also saw him further in town the other day. He was dressed up as a monk and holding a red-painted pail. He was "collecting" money for children for the holidays. It was only later on when you saw him come home did you see him return with that same pail of money.

Mental note. There is a thief here.

Ettore was still cold and rarely talked to you. When you dropped off the rental agreement, he quickly kicked you out of his office and closed the blinds. You thought maybe he just wasn't good with people but he started giving you a weird creepy vibe when you saw him watch the other tenants.

He would stand around the building looking as if he was just checking on things but he was observing and watching. You once caught him watching you as you were talking the trash out and there was that one time when you were doing laundry and you swear you saw him up near your unit.

Your next-door neighbour, the horse tattoo guy, never left his apartment. You start to think he's dead in there but then you hear the occasional TV sounds and shower running. You did see him leave once but that was only to go get beer and then come back home. You've also heard him arguing on the phone with someone though you can never make out what the conversation is about and who he is talking to.

But. The strangest tenant out of all of them. He is a long white-haired guy who has a long scar over one of his eyes. He only comes about twice a week. He comes, walks his dog, stays for one night then leaves the next day and is gone. Three days later he comes back and repeats the same cycle. You were sitting in the neat park when his dog came up to you one day. She was the most friendly thing ever and wanted to play. He didn't say anything but let you play with her until you had to leave. When you tried to say goodbye he answered with "mmm" and that was it.

Everyone else seems to be normal except those guys. There was a boy with glasses and khaki shorts. He looked like he was going to school every day so you only assumed he was attending the university nearby, same as you. The boy with the kid, you did find out that was his brother when you helped the kid after he tripped while riding a scooter. The kid was Liam and he lived with his older brother Jack.

You hadn't gotten to interact much with others but it felt nice that you had met at least one person who lived here.

Your phone alarm went off letting you know it was time to get up. It was the last thing you wanted to do but if you didn't know you never would.

After a shower and getting dressed you grabbed your stuff and headed out the door. You looked around and saw Liam heading for school, he waved at you and you waved back.

You struggled to lock your door but kept trying. The key wouldn't turn.

"It's jammed." You looked over and saw the horse guy standing there with a beer in his hand.

"How do I get it fixed?" He eyes you up and down before taking another swig.

"Jack. Lives in A1. He's maintenance." He spits off the rail and then heads back inside his apartment.

You groan and start heading towards the apartment. You had hoped to avoid any interactions with your neighbors today but it doesn't seem like that will be happening.

You knock on the door but no one answers. You knock again and a minute later the door opens.

"Yeah?" He rubs his eyes and leans against the doorframe and now you feel like shit cause you woke him up.

"Sorry...the lock is jammed. Just wondering if I could get some help." He yawned as he nodded his head.

"Yeah, hold on." He closed the door and you stood outside it awkwardly waiting for him to return. As you stand outside his door waiting, the person next door comes out of their unit and locks the door.

You try not to stare but you kind of do...and you're not good at hiding it. He stops and pulls out a cigarette box putting one in between his lips before offering you one.

"No thanks. Don't smoke." He shrugs his shoulders, putting the box back in his pocket before lighting the one in his mouth.

"Suit yourself, princess." He winks then walks away. You stand there for another minute before Jack opens back up his door now properly dressed and carrying a toolbox.

He follows you in silence towards your door. You drop your bag on the ground and stand off to the side as he tries to open it himself.

"...Your brother's a nice kid." He smiles as you mention his brother.

"You've met him?"

"Yeah. Was out for a walk when he tripped on his scooter. Helped him out." He turns his head and looks at you.

"Oh! You're the girl he was talking about." He turns back to the door and pulls out the key and stares at it before frowning.

"What's wrong?" You step over to him to look. You see the key with something pink and sticky on it.

"Gum. Someone put gum in your lock." He shakes his head and opens up the toolbox. "I'll just replace the lock. Might take a while."

"I have a class to get to...could I come to get the key later?" You pick up your bag.

“Yeah all good.” You turn and leave heading back down the stairs and walking out of the complex. 

After a boring couple of hours of listening to professors and taking notes, you and your classmates decide to head to the library. Planning to study but realistically you are all going to end up talking for hours and doing no work. 

As you all gossip about some campus drama going on you notice someone walking around looking at books. You try to get a better look from your spot and then you recognize him. His name was Osferth and lived on the other side of you in B4. He was super sweet and had helped you with your groceries one time. 

As he grabs a book and walks out the aisle he spots you and gives you a warm smile and a wave. You smile and wave back and can see him blush slightly before he heads towards the front desk. 

“Who was that?” Boyse bumps your shoulder while wiggling her eyebrows. 

“My neighbour.” She hums in response. 

“Cute.” You give her that look that only she tends to ever bring out. Boyse had been trying to convince you for some time now to get back into the dating scene but you couldn’t not after…last time. 

Just like you predicted you all spent the next hour showing each other funny Tik Tok and talking. Being the friend with the car you drove everyone to their homes before heading to yours. 

You stopped at Jack’s to get the key. He was on the phone and quickly handed it to you with a smile before closing the door. You could hear him arguing on the phone. You turn and head towards the stairs to get up to your unit. You look over to the office building and can see Ettore there watching you before he closes the blinds.

Why the fuck he so weird?

You spend the rest of the day making up for the work you didn’t do in the library and attempting to tune out the horse guy arguing again on the phone. 

After spending hours working on essays and group projects you were tired, you had tried going to sleep but for some reason, you just couldn’t. The sheets felt too rough, the bed too lumpy, the room was too hot and it was just too quiet. Everything was bothering you. And above all your brain just wouldn’t shut up. 

You rip the sheets off of you in anger and stand up grabbing your keys off your dresser before leaving your room.

You used to go one walk a lot back home since there was a nice park just behind your old apartment. It was always calming whenever you had a stressful day or...an argument with him.

You pull on your shoes and grab the sweater you threw on the couch to take with you in case it was cold outside.

Locking the door behind you while looking around you spot the white-haired man walking back into his apartment with his dog. You can see the light in the office on but the blinds are closed.

Your brain now full of thoughts of your ex

You walk down the stairs while zipping up your sweater and walk towards the liquor store nearby. You start drinking the second you step out of the store then you head towards the twenty-four-hour convenience store just down the street from your apartment complex.

You purchase your favourite chocolate bar and a drink before walking around your neighbourhood. It was surprisingly empty, nobody was walking around, and barely any cars driving around. The most noise you can hear are dogs barking or the occasional voices or tv noise from houses you pass by. By the end of the walk, you've finished your snacks and alcohol and it's even starting to set in.

The colours from the houses are the tiniest brighter. Your thoughts clear of your asshole of an ex and the whole reason you had to move in the first place. The noises of crickets are louder and whatever lamp lights are almost blinding.

You circle back to the building using the path that leads out from the neighbourhood to the back near the recycling bins. You come around the corner, the area is only covered by a small lamp thats on the wall.

As you turn around you hear a sound. You stop walking and look towards the noise. It's coming around from the recycling bins.

You at first think it's an animal inside looking for something to eat. Something is panting. Your brain under the influence tells you to walk closer and look rather than just turn and walk the other way around the building.

You walk over to the recycling and slowly peer around.

It's not until you turn and look do you hear the moan come from someone's lips. When you finally get a proper look you scream slightly and quickly cover your eyes before turning around.

"Shit." you hear him mumble before he turns and faces the wall.

You try to get the image out of your head but it's engraved in there. Whoever it was had been leaning against the wall, his head angled up and eyes closed as he was lazily stroking himself. Though most of his penis had been inside of his pants you still saw some of it.

"Y'alright?" He finally turns back around after he tucked himself back in his pants. You keep your face covered as you simply nod your head. "It's away now. You can look."

You waringly uncover your eyes and look at him.

"Ever thought of doing that in your own apartment." You cross your arms slightly annoyed. Your eyes wander to the ground and see the empty bottles of alcohol.

"Wasn't expecting someone to be up and about at this hour." He shrugs and leans down shakingly as he grabs one of the cans and brings it to his lips. "What are ya doin' up anyways?"

"Clearing my head." Your words were slurred the tiniest bit as you spoke. He looks you up and down as you throw the garbage into the bins next to him.

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly as you both kind of just stand there in silence.

"...W

ant a cuppa?" He picks up his trash almost falling over as he bends down.

"Cup of what?" you hear him laugh as he throws the empty bottles away.

"A cuppa..." He looks over to you, he can still see the confused look on your face as you simply stare at him. "Cup of tea."

"Ohhh" You stare at him for a while gauging if you should say yes or not. He looks normal enough. But most serial killers looked like normal people then turned out to be psychos behind closed doors. For all you knew he was luring you into his apartment to steal your kidney and sell it on the black market.

"You don't have to say yes. I just feel bad about...what you had to see" You stare at him for a while longer.

"Why not." You shrug then follow him back around the building towards his unit. The second you're back inside you look around the space. You could tell this was one of the old motel rooms that hadn't been renovated yet. "How long you been living here?"

He walks over to the kitchen area and fills up the kettle.

"About 4 months." You walk over to the couch stumbling a bit. You notice the lack of any decorations on the walls. "Do you normally just walk around at night drinking?" You look over at him. He was watching you stumble around with a smirk on his face.

You struggle to take off your sweater, your arm getting caught on absolutely nothing.

"It's a great past time." He laughs and then turns back to getting cups from the cupboards. "Do you normally jerk off next to recycling bins in public?" You can see the smile on his face grow wider and his cheeks flush red.

He turns back around.

"So what made you move here of all places? There had to have been better options." He leans against the counter crossing his arms.

"Other places would have taken longer. More checks are needed. This place was quick and easy." You shrug.

"Quick and easy? Why the rush?" He puts the tea bags in the cups. You watch him for a moment thinking if you should say. You hadn't even really come clean to your friends about why you had to move so quickly. You weren't in the mood to hear their "I told you so's.".

"My ex was a piece of shit. He lived with me in my apartment and I knew he wouldn't go so I did." You pull your legs on the couch. "Left in the middle of the day while he was at work." He nods his head in understanding.

You hear the kettle whistle and watch as he pours the water in the mugs.

"What about you?" He walks over and sits down on the couch handing you one mug and placing the other down on the coffee table.

"Not running from anything...just preventing the inevitable for a while longer. Enjoying what I can." You try to understand what he could mean by that. He notices the confusion on your face. "There was this girl, a school friend. I really liked her but she was dating my best friend."

Though you yourself had never dealt with anything like that some of your friends had. It's never easy to watch someone love another but know they can't be with them.

He blows on his tea before taking a sip.

"I knew I shouldn't like her and that it was possible nothing would come from it but...I just couldn't help but not like her."

You watch as his gaze fixes somewhere random the memory taking over. You grab your tea and take a sip burning your tongue but playing it off.

"We hooked up one, while she was still with him. Afterwards, she said it wouldn't happen again." He leans back into the couch. "The worst part is that not too long before I left I found out she was pregnant. Didn't get the chance to ask her if it was mine or not."

He takes another sip before looking into his cup.

"I'm gonna need something stronger than tea." He stands up and puts the cup on the counter before grabbing two shot glasses and a bottle of vodka and walking back over to the couch.

"Why did you leave?" He sits down and pours the shots.

"I only ever really stayed 'cause I was caring for my nan. She passed...made plans to leave but those plans went south. Now im just...waiting I guess."

He took a shot then poured himself another and took it. You reached forward picked up the other one and downed it, the sting and bitter taste made your face scrunch.

You both sat there and drank for almost an hour. At this point, you both had managed to finish the rest of the vodka. Your conversations bounced around from different topics. At one point you were talking about your favourite colours and then the best place to get pizza in town. You talked about fun stuff then talked a bit about depressing stuff before cracking more jokes.

You were lying on the couch while Will was lying on the floor.

"Ok, but you have to admit apple juice is better than orange juice." You both had been going back and forth about white was better. He was adamant that orange juice was the best of the two. (Apple juice is better don't argue with me 🤣)

"You can get orange juice faster than apple juice. Not to mention it tastes fresher." You rolled your eyes.

"Yeah, but...pulp. And that nasty taste when you brush your teeth and then drink orange juice." Will sits up with a smile, you turn your head to look at him.

"I like that taste." A look of disgust spreads on your face before you both start dying of laughter. Once you both have calmed down Will rests his head against the couch looking at you.

You both narrow your eyes at each other just staring before he reaches upwards and brushes a piece of hair out of your face. His hand lingers as he gently brushes over your cheek.

Before you can do anything he sits up more and leans over to you kissing you deeply. It's messy considering your broth is drunk out of your minds.

He moves up onto the couch getting on top of you. His hands slide down to your waist as he lifts and spreads your legs slightly so he nestles in between them. You wrap your legs around his waist.

He lets you breathe for a moment lowering his head in the crook of your neck planting soft kisses.

Considering you had gotten out of bed to go for a walk you were only wearing a tank top with no bra.

His hands slid up as gently massaged your nipples in between his fingers. You could feel his hard-on pressing right against your clit.

He could clearly feel the friction to as he began rolling his hips chasing some sort of friction.

He starts pulling your tank up slowly kissing his way up your stomach. You lean up so you can slip over your head as you lay back down he takes one of your nipples into his mouth gently sucking on it. He runs his thumb over the other watching it harden under the soft pressure. He lets go of your nipple with a pop and moves over to the other giving it the same attention.

He sits up, you help him take off his shirt before you both shuffle off your pants. You lean over to where you had earlier discarded your sweater reach for your wallet and take your "emergency" condom out. You unwrap it and slowly slide it on him.

Will lays you back down and kisses your cheek.

"Lift your hips." You do as he says and almost moan at the feeling of his tip grazing your clit ever so softly. Will slowly sheathes himself inside of you while peppering kisses all over your chest.

When he finally bottoms out you both moan. His movements are soft and slow at first, dragging himself in and out of you so you can feel every ridge and pulse.

Will sits up and holds on to your hips as he slams into you at a rough and relentless pace. He dips down taking your mouth in his. As he hits that soft spot inside you harshly you moan into the kiss, your moans get louder as he continues to bully the same spot.

He reaches down and brings your legs up as far as they can go trying to get as deep as possible. You reach down circling your clit trying to relieve some of the aches. Your pussy spasms around him pulling him in deeper.

"Fuck- just like that." Will watches as you lean your head back, mouth agape as you moan and whimper.

It all becomes too much as you cum around his cock. Will holds you down as you shake slightly kissing your cheek as he doesn't slow down the pace chasing his own high. Your nails dig into his sides as he his movements begin stuttering, losing rhythm.

Will moans as he continues pounding into you before he lets go of your legs and holds himself up as he cums into the condom.

"Fuck Leah" You almost miss him saying it. But you shrug it off it's not as if he's yours. Will slowly slides out of you with a soft moan before laying down beside you on the couch and pulling you back into him.

He nuzzles into your neck as you both slowly fall asleep.

You hear the annoying honking of the garbage truck and slowly sit up grabbing your head in pain. You clearly drank more than you could handle.

You look around and notice that this is in fact not your apartment.

Hearing the soft snoring behind you, you turn around and see who it is. As you see Will still sleeping soundly you gently unwrap his arm from your waist and grab your clothes. You get dressed as quietly as possible before grabbing and leaving his apartment and doing the walk of shame back to yours.

The second you're back home you head to the shower feeling relaxed under the warm water. You change into fresh clothes and take an Advil for your pounding headache.

You grab your wallet from your sweater and look through it. You notice the missing condom.

"At least I wasn't dumb enough to go raw." You crash onto your bed planning to just skip all your classes and get some well-deserved rest.

You don't notice the stuff in your apartment that's misplaced. How your closet is open when you know you closed it before you left. One thing is for sure between your headache and the sound of the garbage truck still near by you don't hear the sound of footsteps leaving your apartment and silently closing the door behind them.

A/N: This took WAAAAYYY longer than it should have. I had it all typed up but then I also had two draft tabs opened...when I saved one and closed it the other was still open and since it does auto saves it got rid of all the new stuff i wrote 😭😭

But it still got done!! Hopefully, this isn't as bad as I feel like it is.

General Taglist: @thought--bubble @valeskafics Mitchell Apartments: @slytherincursebreaker, @watercolorskyy, @dixie-elocin, @venmondiese, @briefcollectivepersona,@fan-goddess, @australia-made-1997

[akilikesbread]

quotes from watching trigun stampede with my friends so SPOILERS:

“Bro he even falls zestily” (in reference to wolfwood)

“oh cool flashback” “more like a VASHBACK am i right? ZINGER” “kys.”

“my lawyers have advised me to not discuss what i would do to his stupid fluffy blonde hair”

WW: “the big man upstairs made me strong” “The big man upstairs made me like people with wires and mandibles.”

*vashs arm gets sucked into a blackhole* “bro wtf, hollow purple”

“boy why you so 🪴”

“motherfucker so gay the cigarette bends the second it touches his mouth”

“this is just a documentary of california”

*BadLads gang shows up* “BL? Boys love? They kiss men?”

*Livio standing menacingly* “SANS???”

*in reference to eye of Michael* “Why’s their logo literally new mexico”

*Legato appearance* “blue hair AND PRONOUNS??” “whats with daman mills and voicing gay men”

*Woowoo getting tortured* “theyre injecting 🏳️‍🌈 into his bloodstream”

*First wolfwood appearance* “He better hit people with that fucking cross”

“he looks hot when hes troubled”

*In reference to Rosa* “If pregnant lady dies i’m leaving the call

“OH MY GOD HES REDPILLED.” “Vashed and redpilled”

“Tricum stampede”

*we were watching on an illegal site so it kept opening new tabs* “AHHHH PORN”

*wolfwood gets fucking bent in half by legato* “Bro where can i get a massage like that”

“Roberto looks like. hold on.” The image sent:

“if the animation was a person i’d make out with them sloppy style. with tongue.”

*in Rollo’s old town with the biblical radio shit* “Guys this sounds just like something my bus driver would say”

*zazie turns into a swarm* “would you still love me if i was a worm :(“

“vash’s mom is pretty” “i’m gonna stop you right there.”

*vash.* “LOOK AT HIS SLUTTY WAIST”

“yeah nai just really liked taking out arms this episode”

*knives playing the piano in the distance* “IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER😨😨😨”

EG Bomber: “MASTER KNIVES😈” my friend in the zestiest voice ever: “master😳”

Vash: *reloading* “THATS SO FUCKING HOOOOTTT” “i wish i was that gun.”

*wolfwood gets fucking run over* “i think hes my new favorite character”

*vash getting chased by the residents of jenora rock* “california has never looked livelier”

“Call me Millions Knives.” “edgy ass emo name, he sounds like hes a 13 year old emo who listens to panic at the disco and cries himself to sleep at night.”

“is this prophetic stress dream bothering you queen”

“i wish Californian sand looked as good here, dont eat the californian sand, its chunky”

*conrad appears* “LUIGI???”

“so this is julai…” “its still may dude, idk how to tell you this”

*Julai screenpan.* “THIS IS JUST VEGAS.”

*wolfwood and vash running away* “me when i skeddadle”

*vash gets shot and walks away* “bros like ‘damn i just got shot :(‘“

“Nicholas the Punisher.” “he can punish me if he wants I MEAN WHAAAAAT”

*That Roberto Scene™️* “*through tears* SO HOW ARE YOU GUYS ENJOYING THE SHOW?”

*Knives dramatically playing piano* “You and that fuckin church organ.”

“5gum stampede”

“Why is nai so jacked???” “theyre both built like brick shithouses”

*Meryl points a gun at conrad* “KILL YOURSELF OLD MAN.”

“WHYS NAI CLENCHING HIS ASS SO HARD…”

“Vash wake up!!” “THIS ISNT LIKE YOU POOKIE”

*Wolfwood steals one last cigarette from Roberto* “Rare cigarette that wasnt fucked up”

“WHO CUT THEIR HAIR.” “Xinqiu.” “Yelan ass haircuts.”

*talking about vash* “hes such a shonen protag. Food friendship and (avoiding) fighting”

“Knives, ur literally gay. i dont wanna hear it.”

“The entrance to the higher plane!” “it looks like a butthole.”

*Knives fucking just floating into the higher dimension* “*cackling*” “WHY HE SLIDE LIKE THAAAT” “stone scraping sound effect”

“Vash shouldve been called damian”

“Prepare mentally for episode twelve, take a deep breath, take a sip of water-“ “KISS A MAN” “DONT KISS A MAN” “KISS A MAN!!!”

*start of episode twelve.* “surely this wont be horrifying”

“I promise to protect you both.” “well you really sucked at that, huh.” “yeah fuck you rem” “HELP???”

*looks at Nai* “Whys he wearing a speedo…”

*Red geranium sprouts in tint Vash’s hand* “NAI LOOK DO YOU WANNA SEE A MAGIC TWICK”

*Running through field of red geraniums* “this reminds me of the angry birds logo”

“metal wing?” “its made of knives, yk, like his name :D” “shut up.” “alright then.”

*chanting* “CUBE!!!!”

“HES GONNA STAMPEDE!!!”

“kiss my vash!!”

[fandomfluffandfuck]

ok so the new pics of our boys have made me simultaneously freak out and wish i was there. obviously this has sparked thoughts, mainly bc there most definitely needs to be a subastian comeback after seeing chris place those not-so-slick lingering touches all over seb’s back.

(this is so long cos i got carried away but will not be apologising😭😭)

the way seb feels nervous as he finishes being photographed and starts up the street, cameras everywhere and waiting for him to do something worthy of publishing. he walks up to the place where all of kevin’s guests are waiting and… there he is. chris. standing beside another man seb doesnt recognise but cant care about because look. chris has decided apparently that he wants to torment sebastian by showing up wearing one of his signature tight shirts. it stretches across his chest perfectly, squeezing at the meat of his biceps and making them bulge obscenely out of the sleeves. seb cant stop staring, even as he excuses himself to get through the crowd of people blocking his path to chris.

he gravitates towards the older man, not stopping until they’re within touching distance and even then, sebastian is unable to stop staring at the sharp cut of chris’ jaw and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. a few seconds go by until chris notices hes there, and he turns to sebastian with such warmth in his eyes that seb isnt sure what to do with himself.

“seb! you made it,” he says, that low voice of his washing over sebastian as he nods and allows chris to get in his space, “im so glad to see you.”

its been a while since they last saw each other in person, and yet the pavlovian response sebs body has to even the slightest bit of praise from chris comes back in full force. he smiles widely, a deep blush coloring his cheeks when chris places a large hand on the small of his back. the touch makes sebastian shiver and he hangs on to whatever chris is saying, introducing seb to the other man even though his name goes in one ear and out of the other. sebastians brain is too busy trying not to melt out of his ears as chris slides his hand across to his hip and then lower down his back.

“you guys havent met before, have you?” chris is saying, and sebastian shakes his head, subconsciously leaning into the touch he has missed for the better part of a year (since they filmed ghosted together). the thrill of knowing the things he used to let chris do to him behind closed doors is making sebs head feel foggy as he tries his best to engage in the conversation. fortunately, chris does most of the talking for him, another thing seb appreciates because it just goes to show how well chris really knows him.

until everyone is told to take their seats, chris doesnt remove his hand from sebastians back and it drives him crazy. the fleeting touch would be innocent if not for the past nights that had started with a polite hand on sebs back and ended with one fisted in his hair. and it doesnt help sebastian to relax when chris keeps stealing in depth glances at him out of the corner of his eye - it only serves to make seb want to meet that gaze in the hopes that its as hungry as he remembers it to be.

chris leads him towards their chairs when the conversation ends. they sit down, an empty chair labelled ‘chris pratt’ placed between their seats. chris takes the time to lean over and catch sebs attention.

“you cut your hair,” he murmurs into sebastians ear, “i like it.”

“thank you, chris,” seb replies, ever polite just how chris taught him, blushing furiously under the praise. he wants too many things at once - for chris to reach out and touch him, anywhere or everywhere, sebastian doesnt care.

“you’re welcome, sweetheart,” says chris, and the nickname makes sebs stomach flip, “though, it is a lot shorter than it used to be. less to pull on, in my opinion.”

sebastian couldnt feel more cornered if he tried, despite being in the middle of a crowd of actors who all have no ided what is manifesting between him and chris in this moment. sebastian blinks and suddenly, another man is taking up the space between him and chris; chris pratt. he grins at the two of them and strikes up and comversation with sebastian’s chris. seb inwardly grumbles but is partially grateful for the interruption - he isnt sure what he might have done if chris kept looking at him like that. hungry. wanting. like, if he could, he was seconds from leading seb away from the group and pushing him up against a wall somewhere.

inevitably, after another round of photos and festering sexual tension, thats exactly what ends up happening. with the paps having taken all the photos they need and their cameras being put away, chris takes the opportunity to gently nudge sebastian towards a theatre of some kind nearby and into one of the single bathrooms around the corner.

the moment the door locks, neither of them can keep their hands off each other. its been so long without any time alone, months since seb has felt the way chris touches his body like he owns it and makes sebastian ache like he never has before. the two of them are all heavy breathing and sloppy kisses and eager hands, untucking shirts and unbuttoning pants.

its animal, the kind of hunger that latches onto sebastians gut and tugs, making him press chris into the door and line up their bodies so he can get one of chris’ thick thighs between his own and use it to give himself some relief.

“fuck, i missed you, sweetheart,” chris whispers, letting his hands find their way into sebastians hair, “you’ve been on my mind for months.”

“you thought about me?” seb asks breathlessly, not because he doesnt believe chris but because hearing how much chris wanted him might be enough to get him off.

“of course i did,” chris says, pushing his thigh into sebastians erection and eliciting a wanton moan from the younger mans mouth, “ive been waiting to get my hands on you for as long as we’ve been apart. you have no idea the things i want to do to you - you’re the prettiest thing ive ever seen and ive wanted to show you just how much i want you for months.”

chris continues with his sweet words until seb is making embarrassingly pathetic noises into the crook of chris’ neck, biting and licking at it in between gentle whimpers and desperate whines.

“are you close already, baby? are you gonna use me and make yourself come?”

seb nods weakly, his breath catching in his throat as he grinds against chris’ thigh with irregular movements and chases his pleasure.

“make a mess for me, sweetheart, thats a good boy…”

chris’ encouragement is what does seb in, in the end. he comes in his fucking underwear like a teenager, pressing his fingers into every part of chris’ body that he can reach and pulling him in as closely as he can.

when this is over, theyll talk some more, maybe arrange to get coffee together since theyre both currently in the same city. chris will invite sebastian over to his hotel and seb will pretend he isnt vibrating at the prospect of having an actual bed for chris to take him apart on. but in the meantime, seb needs to calm down, get his legs working again, and tell chris just how much he enjoyed this.

oh. and figure out a way to clean up his pants…

- ok thanks for reading this mess i just let the thoughts flow and they would not stop😅

related to pictures from Chris and Seb being together at the Hollywood Wa/k Of Fame ceremony for kevin Feige

Yeah! If I couldn't've been there, then I'm so fucking glad we got so much footage and so many angles of it! Every single one makes me stare at my phone like an idiot.

The "not-so-slick" touches... yeah 😮‍💨😮‍💨 we all KNOW that Chris being handsy makes poor Sebastian feel some kind of way.

(No! Do not apologize!! I am always here for the length 😏)

Exactly! The tight shirt! Evans, HOW COULD YOU. I love this description of Chris, too 🤤🤤 Anyone would stop dead in their tracks, no matter the amount of famous foot traffic behind them, lol

"Touching distance" is so visceral!! I love!

The sweetness of Chris underlaid with Seb's trained response to it 😏 I love it and the casual possessive touching, too. Get it, Seb! Let that name go in one ear and out the other 💀💀

The lean in! The fogginess!! Yes!

"until everyone is told to take their seats, chris doesnt remove his hand from sebastians back and it drives him crazy. the fleeting touch would be innocent if not for the past nights that had started with a polite hand on sebs back and ended with one fisted in his hair. and it doesnt help sebastian to relax when chris keeps stealing in depth glances at him out of the corner of his eye - it only serves to make seb want to meet that gaze in the hopes that its as hungry as he remembers it to be."

That whole fucking paragraph. Just. Yeah. 😮‍💨🥴

The way Chris taught him? 👀 Oh? I would like to know more?

Cock block Pratt, how dare he, lmao. But Seb's right with that... there would've been shit going down not appropriate for the public if something hadn't stopped them. Oh, if only 😈

YES! GET IT! GET THEM AWAY FROM THOSE CROWDS!

"its animal, the kind of hunger that latches onto sebastians gut and tugs, making him press chris into the door and line up their bodies so he can get one of chris’ thick thighs between his own and use it to give himself some relief."

I. Yeah. Yup. That's hot.

Of course, Seb likes hearing Chris say it 😏

“are you close already, baby? are you gonna use me and make yourself come?”

I. WILL. DIE.

Me and so will Sebastian when he has to do the walk of shame out of that bathroom. Sorry, boys, but I kind of hope the paps get pictures of that, too 👀

In conclusion:

I love this whole fucking scene for them, the mounting tension between them with this whole event as build up, the cutting loose so soon after the event, and the tease at more...

Goddamn.

Thank you for this. I will now read it again and picture more about how they look in that fucking bathroom stall because. Yeah.

[depravitycentral]

Lee this toooootally isnt inspired by your latest Oikawa post because I feel like he's a closet prude but who in HQ do you think holds on to their virginity the longest based on their canon characteristics? Glad to see you writing again, make sure to stay hydrated! <3

(Because I don't mention Oikawa in the rest of the post - I agree! I think he actually does lose his virginity fairly early on (it's a drunken night and he's a bit regretful after), but I think he likes the concept of keeping himself "clean" and his body count not high just because he is a bit prudish. He'd never admit that he hasn't slept with the number of women you'd guess based off of his status and personality, but he isn't a pure saint himself. A bit hypocritical, to be honest.)

Oooh!! Something about virgin men just feels right - that shuddering little gasp they make when you first take them in your mouth, their hands clenching at the sheets or edge of the chair so tightly their knuckles turn white because it feels so damn good and they can't quite figure out where to put their hands.

(They want to put them in your hair, maybe force your head down a bit like he sees in porn - he only watches videos with actresses that resemble you, of course - but he's not sure if that's a porn-only thing, and the last thing he wants to do is mess up this perfect moment.)

Men who've never fingered anyone before, and so their movements are clumsy and awkward but eager, almost palpably so, their eyes always darting between your cunt and your face. He's listening for each and every noise you make, hoping for any kind of direction of where to touch and how, because it's just sensory overload to be feeling you like this - and suddenly now he knows why most guys don't last long in bed.

(He doesn't want to think about how fast he'll come the first time he actually gets to fuck you.)

And of course, the men who immediately have to bury their face against your neck or back when the tip pops inside of you, every muscle in their body clenching up and this soft, whiny oh leaving their knees buckling. You just feel incredible - he's imaged you often, even going so far as to crafting some sort of stand-in for your own body, be it a toy or a homemade pocket pussy, but neither come even close to the real thing. He just can't get over how warm it all is - he wore the stupid condom like you'd requested, but even through the latex he can feel the wetness, the schlicking noise driving him mad as his hips buck and snap into yours without any real rhythm or aim. He'll push in as far as possible, his balls pressed as tightly against the cleft of your ass as possible, and then he'll just breath, these labored breaths that sound like a moan at the end while wide eyes stare down at you and his fingers grasp onto your hips and thighs and breasts and oh, god when you clench like that it's too much, he can't control himself and he can't stop it and oh, oh god, oh fuck he's coming inside of you just like he's been dreaming about for fucking months -

Of course, everyone's born a virgin, but some keep that status much longer than others. Let's discuss!!

Some men are in no rush to get between someone's legs - they're taking their time, whether for a specific reason or just as a byproduct of other circumstances. This is great news for them, though, because now you get to be their first - an honor that feels both fitting and somehow much, much too good to be real.

Kageyama and Ushijima aren't explicitly waiting, but careers and their lack of social graces haven't exactly made finding a girl a priority. Besides, they aren't ones for hookups, and it takes a long time for romantic feelings to form in the first place for them - they won't sleep with just anyone, it has to be you. (They're the one-and-only type - you're they're first partner, and likely their last. At least if they have any say.)

Sugawara and Kita aren't prudes, but they can't deny the slight allure of waiting until marriage, just because they buy a bit into the construct of virginity being something sacred you're giving away. They don't judge others for sleeping with someone out of wedlock, but it makes their cheeks turn a bit pink to think about giving that part of themselves to someone special - someone like you. (Both also have thinly veiled breeding kinks that make them subconsciously feel like they have to finish inside whoever they're fucking, and while the concept of knocking their sweetheart up gets their palms sweating and their throat bobbing, they're both realistic enough to know that an aversion to condoms equates to unwanted pregnancy.)

Kenma and Kunimi both want partners. Neither are especially sexually driven, and they'd both much rather less overt affection and contact in most situations. And frankly, neither is especially great with relationships - past girlfriends have never lasted long enough to get to the sex stage, so they're virgins by default. (Though both harbor a bit of a nasty addiction to porn, even if they'd rather die than admit it.)

Akaashi and Kuroo have both had ample opportunities to lose it - they're gorgeous, respectively sweet and funny, and every girl's dream, after all. But they're picky and secretly quite shy with their feelings and romance, so letting themselves be vulnerable to intimacy is a big step that they often chicken out of. It's just scary, and while neither is particularly insecure, there's something real and raw and terrifying about sharing themselves with another person like that. (They've each fingered a girl, though, so at least they've got a bit of experience. It makes Kuroo feel better, at least.)

Others are more eager to learn what all the hype is about, to see if sex is really as good as it's fabled to be - they lose their virginity pretty early on. They're sad when they realize you won't be their first (and likely they aren't your first either, though some are more fixated on that fact than others), but they don't mind too terribly much - plus, something about sex with you feels different from all the past times. It feels better, more intimate, more meaningful, like it's actually a way of expressing their love rather than just a fun perk of dating someone. Besides, they're so shocked and elated to be with you naked that they're practically virgins - their cocks aren't working correctly (performance anxiety driven by the yearning for you to approve of their bodies, of the pleasure they can give you), their rhythms are all off compared to their normal pace, some of them even forget how to kiss because they're so damn nervous.

Semi and Bokuto have had their fair share of partners, simply because their professions make adoring female fans a dime a dozen. Both make it a rule to not sleep with fans, but there's always one that manages to catch their eye, that tempts them into breaking that moral code because maybe this is that one in a million story of the fan and the star actually ending up together. But then you step into their lives and suddenly every other woman is nonexistent, every past partner erased from their mind because all that matters is you and that perfect body of yours. (Semi has a penchant for recording when he has sex, and while rewatching the tapes leaves a bit of a sour taste in his mouth because it just feels wrong to watch his cock pounding into a cunt that isn't yours, it's easy to imagine the girl's face is you, to imagine those moans are yours, to imagine the way she clutches onto him is how you'll clutch onto him, too. Bokuto just masturbates to you constantly, to the point where it's a wonder how his body can produce enough cum to have something coming out with his every orgasm.)

Tendou's early twenties brought with it a boost of confidence, and with that confidence came women. He's by no means a ladies' man, but he's slept with a small number of women and had a few girlfriends. His obsession takes a while to form but it affects him hard, to the point where he's certainly the most likely to suffer from serious anxiety and nervousness surrounding intimacy with you, even though he's never had a problem in the past. (He's convinced you'll think his cock is too small - it's not, the solid six inches is plenty - or that his cum tastes horrible - it's not great, sure, but there's a very faint aftertaste reminiscent of chocolate from all the test-tasting he has to do - or that you'll just think he's bad. The first time he makes you come he just sits there for a moment, staring with a dropped jaw, unable to believe that he just gave you an orgasm, all because of him and him alone.)

Hinata and Nishinoya don't purposefully plow through women, but they're the type to bring a girl home every night they go to the bar or club with some buddies. Often they'll reach out about a more permanent relationship rather than just a one-night stand, but often a good fuck is all the women are looking for, anyways. And so, while they have a good amount of experience, the vast majority of it is while being inebriated - and so, the first time they fuck you (stone cold sober, unwilling to not be fully present for possibly the best moment of their lives), it's almost like a new experience all over again, simply because there's all these details and parts they don't remember doing all those nights. (It's not that they don't remember - they just never cared enough to pay so much attention to their hookup's nipples or finger them with such precision.)

Osamu and Hanamaki don't have a huge amount of experience, but they've each had a very serious girlfriend before you, and so they have extensive experience with the same woman. But you - you're different. You're prettier, smarter, sweeter, softer, lovelier, just better in every way, and they feel this sort of pressure to make sure that the sex is better, too. They're the type to ask you every few minutes if everything is still feeling good, just because sex feels so damn good for them, and they want to make sure it feels good for you, too. (If only so that you'll keep doing it, keep letting them touch and kiss and fuck you - all with that lovesick look in their eye, a blush on their cheeks, and an insistence on making sure you're coming until you're literally crying.)

There's a large variety, but these are the ones that wait the longest or the least - but regardless, sex with you is still something that excites them like they're some horny teenage boy, their pants always feeling uncomfortably tight when you're around, no matter how hard they try to will it away. You're just too perfect and pretty and sexy, and can they really be blamed? Besides, isn't it nice to have a man so eager for you, so ready to get on their knees and beg you to just give them a single chance to please you?

If anything, the persistence is endearing.

You only mentioned haikyuu, lovely anon, but I feel compelled to at least mention some of the late and early bloomers for the other fandoms I write for!

Those that wait the longest:

Kny: most of the cast because of their occupation and the time period, but especially Giyuu, Shinobu, Sanemi, Kokushibou, Akaza

Hxh: Kurapika, Knuckle, Machi, Feitan, Franklin, Illumi

Bnha: Aizawa, Enji, Stain, Shigaraki, Spinner, Hawks, All Might

Those that lose it pretty early on:

Kny: Uzui, Douma, Muzan

Hxh: Phinks, Uvogin, Morel, Shizuku, Nobunaga, Shalnark

Bnha: Hizashi, Dabi, Fatgum, Midnight