#this game finds every single way to make music support its story but I think the Zephyrites in All or Nothing were their pinnacle of this
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That's a great question @tyrian-wanderlust!
It was the Zephyrites who returned in All or Nothing to sing Aurene's song! You could call their 'Alas, Alas' song for Glint and 'Aurene, Dragon Full of Light' two halves of their musical identity, one about their past and one for their future.
Thunderhead Peak, and the whole crescendo of the Kralkatorrik arc, has crystals as the central theme, so of course this is where the Zephyrites and their crystal magic was always meant to come to the forefront. Introducing the Zephyrites early as a festival, having them get into an early game mishap before Heart of Thorns, that was just foreshadowing for their real purpose.
Zephyrites (and Exalted) are the ones who've kept the Dragonsblood Forge all this time. A choir of them sings Aurene's new theme to you as soon as you enter the map. Because it's about resonance - Aurene and Kralkatorrik resonate as crystal dragons, weak to each other, and the Zephyrites know how to sing to resonate and shape crystal, to amplify or shield you with song. That's why the ancient Forge of Thunderhead Peak is next to the Auditorium - so the Zephyrite choir can use their power over music.
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That's why the Zephyrites in Labyrinthine Cliffs were always humming about Glint. Music is as much part of their identity as crystals and airships.
And multiple motifs from the past and present are woven into it! At 2:04 they sing Glint's Legacy, a theme from all the way back in Heart of Thorns! At 2:00 they sing a tiny snippet of The Ascension, foreshadowing Aurene's fate at the end of the season, like a musical partner to Aurene's power to see visions of the future.
One other thing I just discovered - in Four Winds in 2018, half a year before All or Nothing's release... the Zephyrites in Labyrinthine Cliffs also started humming Aurene, Dragon Full of Light. Half a year before Thunderhead, before we heard the actual piece, they were rehearsing it. Thank you @fivebrights for recording this!
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Since we're in the Festival of the Four Winds again I wanted to mention one of the collest things (to me) about it. Because I think it exemplifies how gw2 is crammed full of interesting lore but for the most parts, waits for you to put in a bit of effort to find it.
This festival is the only time you can visit Labyrinthine Cliffs, where the Zephyrites - a solitary group of humans who live on airships - come to moor once a year and trade with mainlanders, one of the few stops around the world they ever make.
They play into the history of the plot a large degree. They stewarded the last of Glint's eggs after her death, ensuring its safety while it was in stasis. They were the first direct victims of Mordremoth. They're staunch pacifists who accept all converts, revere their own Glint-specific type of magic, and have a specific naming convention.
While you're in Labyrinthine Cliffs, this music plays:
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It's got a very slow build, and it's very airy, it's like a folk tune these nomadic people might play to themselves and you overhear it as you investigate the bazaar.
This song actually has lyrics. The only way to find out what they are is to happen to overhear the Zephyrite NPCs singing the words when you're nearby.
I didn't realise this for years of playing. It really is a folk tune that has words being passed around by word of mouth. You're not even very likely to hear any of the words being sung, or even realise it maps onto the background music.
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This person did the work of grabbing all the snippets from the Zephyrites on the tethered ship - a ship which doesn't exist any more.
Alas, her magic strewn in sand. Alas, her soul undone. The clouds shed tears upon the land for the loss of our crystal sun. No more to tame the wind and rain, the skies to swallow whole. She flies no more in glinting beam and leaves a hollow hole.
When you piece it together, the whole song is about Glint. The importance she had to them and their grief at her loss. Integrated into the world so you know what it meant to them - intrinsic enough to their society that they idly hum a song in rememberence that every one of them memorised.
#gw2#just by making this post i've even discovered yet ANOTHER integration of story and music#as always fivebrights thank you for your diligent attention to detail#this game finds every single way to make music support its story but I think the Zephyrites in All or Nothing were their pinnacle of this#Youtube
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And We Danced
Length: 1.1k words
Genre: Angst
Nmixx Lily x Male Reader
(Author's Note: Wrote this for a prompt thingy hosted by @mintwithchoco! Inspired by this really pretty song, do give it a listen if you have the chance :])
【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★
“...and then he just brushes past me and immediately gets on his game!” Lily huffs, pacing around your room. “Like, I get that he’s tired and all that, but at least a ‘Hi’ would be nice!”
A song you don’t recognize blasts from your speaker, fiery and tumultuous to mimic the current emotions of your friend. With how often she comes over to your place to rant about her boyfriend, it’s a wonder how she doesn’t have a consistent playlist.
“What do you think? Am I just overreacting?” she asks, slumping onto your mattress.
You shake your head. “Not at all.”
“Really? Because if I’m being crazy, I need you to tell me.”
“I know when you’re being crazy, but this isn’t one of those times.”
Lily chuckles before scooting next to you and resting her head on your shoulder. You swallow down the thoughts and words that threaten to burst from your chest, potentially ruining this good thing that you have. Things are fine. Calm down.
“What should I do now?” she asks, her words floating through the open air between the transition of songs. The next song brings in slow, melancholic piano chords paired with a heartbreaking story of unrequited love. Lily’s head sinks deeper into your shoulder like the weight of the lyrics is pulling her down and you’re her only means of support.
You should break up with him.
“You should talk to him,” you say, breathing steadily. “You said that this started happening recently, right? Maybe something happened to him and he just hasn’t told you yet. Most guys are stupid and don’t like talking about their feelings and all that mushy stuff.”
“Talk to him. Right,” she sighs. “You make it sound so simple.”
You shrug. “Things are always more difficult than they seem. It really depends on him for this to work out. You’re doing the best you can, and if he can’t see that then… maybe you should—”
Lily’s phone buzzes from across the room, prompting her to jump towards it with the desperation of a lost puppy finding its owner. Her warmth is stripped away from you in an instant, and the impending cold becomes a grim reminder that it was never yours in the first place.
Her expression immediately sours as she checks the notification.
“Is something wrong?” you ask, worried.
“No.” Lily’s shoulders slump as she tosses her phone back on your desk with a resounding thud. “Bae just wants me to get her some ice cream on the way home.”
You fail to stifle a chuckle, earning an icy glare from those perfectly round eyes.
“I feel like I’m going insane.” She throws up her hands in exasperation. “What if I just end it all and jump off a cliff?”
“You definitely shouldn’t do that. How else will Bae get her ice cream?” you quip.
“Ha ha, very funny.”
The last bit of sunlight fades past the edge of your window just as the music dies down to give way to the next song. From the first note, you’re left reeling as memories of thumping heartbeats and unattainable closeness flood your mind like a tsunami. Flashing lights, the linoleum scent of the gym floors, your dad’s tie that your mom made you wear, every single excruciating detail of that night comes crashing down in an instant.
The night you cherish deeply, yet regret the most.
“Oh. My. God!” Lily yanks your arm, nearly pulling it out of its socket from sheer excitement. “Get up!”
“W-what?”
“Do you not remember this song!?”
“I-I, uh…” Of course you remember it. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed where you don’t think of what that damned song entails.
“Sophomore year homecoming! We slow danced to this song together! How could you forget that!?” She pouts at you, and it takes every facial muscle you have not to immediately burst out into the dumbest smile.
Without hesitation, Lily pulls your arms around her waist and intertwines her fingers behind your neck, and suddenly, you forget how to breathe, how to think, how to function like a regular human being.
“I-I think I remember this song,” you stutter, not quite meeting her eyes.
You find yourself being transported back to that sophomore dance as the two of you sway to the beats of the music. Lily rests her head on your chest just as she did back then, and you wonder if she can hear your heartbeat as it races from the proximity. You wonder if she can hear your thoughts, what she would think about how every corner of your mind is occupied by her. You wonder what would’ve happened if you had done something, anything differently that night, if a couple words were the difference between dancing here as lovers or as reminiscing friends.
Say something. This is your only chance. After this, she’ll be gone forever.
Yet, just like that night so many years ago, you stand quietly like a fool, damning yourself to an eternity of forever staying out of her reach.
“That was fun,” Lily giggles as she steps away from you, her fingers lingering in between yours. “I should probably head back though, it’s getting kinda late.”
“Um, yeah, sure.” Regretfully, you let go of her hands and walk her to the front door, trying to not let your mess of emotions reveal itself in your expression.
“Maybe we can hang out again tomorrow! If you’re not busy of course.”
“I’ll have to check my schedule, but yeah, I would like that.” Of course you don’t have anything planned for tomorrow. Even if you did, you’d move Heaven and Earth just to spend another moment with her.
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow!” Lily pulls you into a hug like she always does and you fight off every urge screaming at you to keep her close.
“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Long after the door shuts behind her, all you can do is stand there, motionless, like life suddenly stops mattering when she’s not around. This is all your fault, really. It shouldn’t be a surprise that guys would line up for an inkling of a chance with her; in fact, you could fill up entire libraries with books describing how perfect Lily is in every single way, forever pondering how a single glance can fill you up with so much joy and sorrow that it threatens to drown you. You had more than a decade head start, you should’ve been the first one in line.
And yet, your own cowardice got in the way.
Again. And again. And again.
That song plays in your head once more, its melody haunting yet comforting. In a perfect world, the two of you would be able to dance all night to a song that never stops.
#nmixx#lily jin morrow#nmixx lily#kpop fanfic#kpop gg#lily x male reader#nmixx lily x male reader#lily x male oc#nmixx lily x male oc#angst#lily angst#nmixx lily angst
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Digimon World Data Squad - Final Thoughts
Another Digimon game defeated 😉 This one felt kind of like a knock off of the Tales of series in its presentation (although it has turn based fighting). They're both Bandai Namco, so not much of a stretch there. It's one of those games that's objectively kinda bad but still manages to be enjoyable despite its flaws.
Despite the localized name, it is NOT a part of the Digimon World series. I guess it's considered a standalone. Kind of a side story to the Savers/Data Squad anime.
Notes:
This game took me slightly over 17 hours to beat over 3 weeks. Really the time it takes to beat is inflated because the game throws a random encounter at you every two seconds 😒 Also, I could have done all the bonus content, but I really didn't want to trudge through the dungeons again.
Speaking of the random encounters, not only do they slow the game to a crawl, they also make it pretty easy to become OP so long as you don't flee from any of them. Sometimes I enjoy the built in grinding, but this was a bit excessive. The "low/no encounter" items made things better late in the game but you also had to use a new one so frequently because they expired in like 1 minute!
Another frustration with this game is that the sound mixing was atrocious! It had the benefit of having all the English dub voices but that didn't matter because you couldn't freakin' hear anyone over the blaring music! It was painful to listen to and the subtitles were absolutely required. (There was no way to adjust the sound btw)
I was impressed by how much is voiced in this game, even though the dialogue is not that well written. I liked that they had victory dialogue at the end of each battle (that I could barely make out lol).
Graphics-wise I think the game looked pretty nice, typical PS2 JRPG with the bright colors from the show. The movement of the digimon in and out of battles was great. I really liked Agumon's "windmill arms" when he got all charged up. That was cute.
Weird af battle mechanics were not for me. Which skills you have access to are based on your digimon's mood and sometimes they want to be useless for whatever reason. A lot of the support/guard skills I also just never used because it was extremely unclear what they did? I couldn't find good online guides for this game either because it's not that popular lol.
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(Gaogamon was the most annoying digimon in my party. He never wanted to be helpful in battle and his attacks were always super weak >:()
Speaking of weird mechanics, digivolution was weird too! I eventually realized that there was a hidden (never introduced/explained) menu that told you the requirements for each digivolution. I spent a long time thinking it was just random and getting shitty digimon every time I attempted a digivolve mid-battle. On the bright side, it was easy to just pick a digivolution you already unlocked and jump to it. That was convenient but felt really weird because digimon games have never let me do that before (at least not going to a higher level).
This entire game was insultingly easy until the final boss who suddenly got really hard (until I found a good strategy). All the other bosses just took one try. The game is very unbalanced because they give you so much money after each battle to the point where you can basically buy infinite recovery items.
Every single boss I fought (except one) had the same "VB" weakness? How lame is that? I was able to use the exact same strategy for ever boss and it made things very monotonous.
I liked the dungeon design/variety in locations, but the constant battles left me disoriented and made it hard to appreciate the view.
(Shout out to the walkthrough I found that had maps of each one. Made things a lot less painful.)
There was a handful of game exclusive characters that were fine I guess. I liked Kosaburo and his Biyomon, but Yuma and Kagura were pretty forgettable. They felt like the kind of characters you'd see that were made to appear once in a Digimon movie.
Speaking of Kagura, he was the (gasp) surprise villain (another reason this reminded me of a Tales of game tbh). He was pretty pathetic as a villain. They reveal at the end that his whole motive was being jealous of Thomas being better than him at everything. Like, okay, cool story bro.
Rolled my eyes big time when they revealed that the plot revolved around the seven deadly sins. How many times is Japanese media gonna pull out that cliche? I'm literally playing a completely unrelated visual novel rn (11eyes) that ALSO has a seven deadly sins plot. (Actually they came out 2 years apart from each other, so maybe it was a 2000s craze lol).
It seemed pretty unnecessarily cruel to kill off Nitta in front of his daughter like that. All the characters are just like "there there..." to her. I don't get why he had to die when Kagura didn't? (They were both "absorbed" by digimon) Makes no sense other than that Kagura had more plot armor.
I did feel pretty powerful defeating Lucemon Satan Mode at the end there. Unfortunately this is one of those games that goes back to the title screen after you beat the last boss. I've always thought that was a weird choice. Let me save!!
The Digimon video game franchise continues to be completely different with every release! Half of me is like "what's up with this chaotic mess!?" and the other half is like "yes!! Keep surprising me!" I'm really glad I'm playing the games alongside the anime. Feel like I'm on my way to becoming a Digimon scholar lol.
I give Digimon World Data Squad a 5 out of 10.
#digimon world data squad#digimon#video game#gaming#digimon data squad#digimon savers#certified yap post
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i just completed bomb rush cyberfunk
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the sound that plays when you clear a textbox is the spongebob footstep sound and youll never unhear that now
i love the fuck out of this game. the vibes are literally, not figuratively, everything i couldve ever wanted from a jet set radio successor. a lot of people get caught up in naganuma's music, but jsr had way more variety. the original had rob fucking zombie and future had that yoko ono song about cake or whatever. i feel like they did a excellent job keeping a cohesive vibe while still including a wider variety of songs. characterizing the gangs through their mixtapes is such a fun idea and it was done so well
the gameplay is perfect too, like every little bit is fine-tuned to be exactly what it should be. walking feels like walking and skateboarding feels like skateboarding, the way you turn feels noticeably different but in a lateral way that the game is built to accommodate
level design is phenomenal. built from the ground-up for your combo game without feeling like its forcing you onto a single route. manuals were the perfect addition so you dont feel trapped in what the game provides, and lets you get creative with a levels ingredients.
I dig the dream levels and how they twist the formula. levels are normally pretty open arenas, but these are just linear platforming challenges. it's really cool to see what these physics and moves let you do in a different environment. they're super fun for the plot too, I love the bit where red is like "I can't keep the ladder steady, I'm up here with you". no spoilers but I think it ties in super well to the backstory of the character and shines a light on their thought process - you can't get support from someone if they're on the same level as you because they're too worried about keeping themselves steady.
i love how they did achievements for this game. the only story-related achievement is for beating the final boss, and its totally possible for that to be the first one you unlock. it feels good when youve actually gotta work for the achievements, and it adds so much to the endgame. i had so much fun experimenting with the best place to do the longest manual, going back through all the stages for the pictures of the penguin guy, and just playing around for... the, uh... oh christ those are some high scores. welp, problem for the post game.
not to mention all the collectables you can get! this is the perfect amount of side content, i always get excited when i see a pickup in the distance but i never felt bogged down by the need to collect everything. and slowing down to examine the level and look around for everything is a great way to shake up how you usually play the game without feeling like youre doing something that isnt accounted for design-wise.
also, fucking thank you for the maps, and smart move that you can only get em after the main story beat in that spot. it's a shame they don't show the collectables too, cuz finding the last 2-3 is a total pain without a guide, but I'm just glad there's some mercy in finding the graffiti spots. that one in mataan is a bastard, you know the one
the game's pretty easy, i dont think there was ever a point where i lost and had to retry something, with oooooone exception. the cops are all pretty annoying, especially the turret, but not in a way that makes the game unplayable if you have heat. there are certain platforming sections that gave me trouble, like that one on top of the signpost in varsum hill, and... probably another one im forgetting. its hard to hold on to stuff i struggle with, because its just so fun to do fucking anything in this game. moving back into position and trying a jump again is just part of it, yknow?
but that exception, damn. theres one boss fight that fucked me up. it was the first time i actually died in this game. and the second, third, fifth. heres a hint: youve gotta deflect the projectiles. dont worry, you didnt miss anything, you cant reflect any other projectiles (i dont think there even are any) so there isnt some tutorial you missed. it may seem like youre supposed to get close to the machine and spray it like every other fight in the game and youre just struggling with the hitbox or something, but no youre doing the wrong thing. it may also also seem like the reflected projectiles are designed to miss because they keep just barely avoiding his head, but there youre just doing the right thing the wrong way and need to aim better. not with your camera, but by changing the angle of your player character. it may also also also seem like youre meant to use the deflected projectiles as a chance to stun him and close the gap between the two of you, because since he jumps across the map whenever you get near him, there is going to be a gap. this is also one of team reptile's clever tricks, as the stun is so short you need to dodge the projectiles to get in close (but not too close!) and only then start to reflect them. wow, this is inexplicably misleading for a game thats been really tightly designed until now. you think since i get texts all the time like "dont forget to earn points by doing tricks!" someone could communicate the brand new mechanic to me at some point
another thing with this game and communicating mechanics, nobody explains the secret things that all the different ride styles can do, so thisll be your spinny tip of the day: skateboards can balance on fire hydrants and do a trick to unscrew them and ride them up; bikes can stand in front of those garage doors with bike symbols to open them; and if you manual with the skates you can break glass. yeah i only figured out the bike one on my own. i get this is going for that good ol days vibe where there was just cool hidden shit the game doesnt tell you about, and too its credit you only need to know these if you want 100%, but i found them pretty unintuitive. like, i had my board out and fucked around with a hydrant at one point, and i didnt stumble on the secret, just because theres nothing that flags to me to consider jumping on it. this is obtuse, but not as mood-ruining as the boss fight.
also, this isnt really a complaint, i think im just confused. there are tons of spots that are designed like hidden loading screens? theyre usually transitions between parts of the map, like between the entrance and the wide-open parts of the mall. im not sure why though, because it seems like the game doesnt need them? like theres one in pyramid island separating the lower and upper parts, but... you can fall from the higher part to the lower part without a stutter. theyre both clearly loaded all times youre in the area, and the game isnt shy about loading the levels when you move from one spot to the other. is it just to stop combos from going too long? that seems strange in a game thats like, about combos. again its not a big deal at all i just dont really get it?
oh, i should talk about the plot. no spoilers, but im super into stories about the psychology of the characters, shit like repressed memories and identity. if you didn't know, I'm actually working to become a counselling psychologist, so it's really cool to see how games tackle really mental-based narratives. it's like being a plumber and appreciating the manhole design. the central theme is roots, as in where you come from and how it effects you, and they did a pretty cool job exploring how that would be handled in a sci-fi setting.
the story does a great job of having a protagonist thats important but doesnt feel shoved into the world. a lot of stories have to establish a status quo and then introduce how the protagonist is fucking with it. here, the status quo is already shaken up cuz the streets used to be between the big three, but now theres only one left. the protagonist is born from this distruption and has to work backwards to try and get out of it, all while still embracing the world around him. it really helps players get acclimated without making it feel like a hand-holding isekai
and of course you know im gonna dig the anti-cop through line. i like how there are focal characters within the force to show that while its corrupt on a systemic level, there are still individuals inside that system that arent immoral. and once they conflict with the corruption, their choices are to abandon their morals and assimilate (which is why one of those characters disappear from the narrative, they were faced with the realization but discarded it to become assimilated into the general mass of the police) or to abandon their position and fight against the corruption (the other character doing so to help our heroes survive the oppressive force).
oh, and i also dig how they specifically draw attention to how police think. the chief states that he sees all crime as bad because of the slippery slope fallacy, saying that citizens witnessing that the laws dont matter would encourage more reprehensible criminal activity like homicide or piracy. i can see how someone raised in a system that values order and obedience could develop such a black-and-white thought process, and we see how its propagated through the whole police. i also love how, even without saying it out loud, theres a point to be made about how the police are so overfunded that theyre running out of shit to justify it. yeah sic the swat team on those teenagers, who gives a fuck if youre just treated like an inevitability of society and have more money than god. theyre also so everpresent that theres little pods where i think the fuckers just wait until their inescapable silencer system picks up the slightest hint of disobedience. saying the quiet part quietly, but still saying it.
uhh what else. i also appreciate that we see what a cyberhead looks like before we learn why red is exceptional. thats just good plothole-covering, cuz if that didnt happen, i totally wouldve been like "wait are they all like that?". im trying to be vague but its the thing in the mall chapter
alright lets talk about what youre here for: what it was like to 100% this thing. my process was this: normal casual playthrough of the story, getting pickups i saw along the way and making a point to seek out all the optional characters. the second thing is to go back and tag all the graffiti spots, which you should get out of the way so you dont have to worry about the police later and so you have the rep to unlock all the oldhead-gates. after that, go back through the boroughs a third time and pick up all the pickups i missed. you should use a guide for this, those fuckers are really well hidden. by all means look around first, like i said earlier its fun to take it slow, but it devolves into "where the fuck is the last thing" pretty quickly. if its not fun, why bother, yknow? turn it from a scavenger hunt to geocaching. the fourth step is doing the other gangs' score attack challenges to unlock them as playable. I thought it'd be super hard, but theyre tough but doable if you keep a single combo through the whole thing and do the boost trick. the only thing is if you drop your combo, you gotta march your ass back to the challenger to restart, or get your phone out and wait the timer out, there's no quick restart. it's not THAT big of a deal, but I shouldn't be taking my phone out in the middle of your video game, just saying
then there's the high-score steam achievements. this is bar none the hardest part of the game. unlocking futurism in mataan just takes 5mil points, which you can do in a few minutes. the achievement asks for 16mil, more than triple that. you have unlimited time, that's still a pretty bad leap. the best way to get your score up is to up your multiplier with unique billboards and rail corners, but that only works once per combo. even if you exhaust most of a stage, you're still gonna be pretty short, with the multiplier only getting you to a couple mil. so, what do you do when you have no time limit? find a rail that loops, rubber band your joystick to the side, and go to bed.
...that's what I thought at least. I tried this in mataan and I bottomed out at about 6mil after going grocery shopping. and I gotta walk a kilometer and a half to the store and back, so it was like... a little over an hour. that doesnt sound that impressive but still i didnt wanna just wait. I feel too self-conscious about running up a power bill I split with my roommate to do it overnight, so let's try plan b and just... do it. and yeah, its still the hardest part of the game, but... its still very doable. i dropped my combo like two or three times, but i ended up with 20 million before i even realized it when i went for varsum hill, which is wayyy overshooting. the only problem area was pyramid island, and thats just because i had to march my ass back to the top when i dropped my combo. i totally overblew how much of a pain these would be
i think thats it! with a single 15-minute-or-however-long-that-fight-took exception, and disregarding the post-game optional character missions having no quick restarts, this game is fantastic from beginning to end. i know it sounds like that fight was a huge detraction, and yeah ive got problems with it, but a single blemish cant ruin a whole game. i can see myself loading this up and just fucking around with it even after ive perfected it, which is a HIGH complement from me. its got that same sauce as all the games i played as a kid, where it feels like if you only got one game per year, you could play the fuck out of until that whole time without getting bored. you know the kind of games im talking about, those jrpgs and zelda-like adventure games where it just feels like the game doesnt want you to leave. like yeah there are games where its fun to replay the campaign over and over, and this feels like one of those too dont get me wrong, but it just feels like its giving you so much to play around with, to explore and unlock and even just to fuck around and exist in the world. sure, as an adult it feels kinda nice when a game is short, cuz you know you wont have to be married to it for a year while you balance real-life shit in between the video games, but thats why it being optional is so thoughtful. also 30 hours is a totally healthy length for a game to be completed in
i guess what im saying is that bomb rush cyberfunk knows exactly what its doing. this feels like how a game from the era its paying homage to should feel, how it would be designed with the sensibilities of the time, but without subtracting from what i appreciate about modern titles. if you told me this was a remaster of an OG xbox game that added shit like autosaving, id totally buy it if i didnt know better.
im worried im underselling how much i love this game, so i guess ill just say that i love jet set radio. jsr classic has some of the best vibes in the medium, and future is straight up my favorite retro game of all time. and brc eclipses both of them combined. i would like to apologize to anyone who has any interest in working towards xbox emulation. i fear that interest in the field will somehow decrease even further now that the only xbox game worth emulating that hasnt just been ported to pc has been totally outclassed. good luck trying to top this, sega
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Play with me [Billy Russo x Reader] - Requested [15+]
Title: Play with me Pairing: Billy Russo x Female!Reader Word count: 3.3k Published: 13 June 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: There's no smut in it, but it is quite suggestive so I think it deserves the 15+ rating. Warnings: Suggestive phrases, mention of alcohol and drinking Summary: Once again you find yourself dragged to a fancy event as part of your work by none other than Billy himself. Your boss seems to be enjoying your discomfort, finding entertainment in your grimaces and sulking comebacks. That is until you decide to turn his little game against him. Request: [x] Prompts requested by @sunrisefairy for my celebration event.
Billy Russo x Reader Fluff #19 - “It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.” Spicy #20 - “Are you flirting with me?” Spicy #39 - “I’m a little drunk and a little horny.”
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You've never been big on attending all those fancy events your company has been hired to work at, but Billy always said it was a good way to build connections. Not once have you found yourself in a pretty little ballgown, following your boss around with a stone-cold expression, silently trying to suffocate him with your murderous gaze. You were hired to be a security agent not a peacock, but Billy didn't seem to mind the invisible daggers your eyes shot at him, if anything, by the smug grin across his face, he appeared to be enjoying the situation.
Just like many times before, this event was organised by one of his clients as well and he had been invited, along with a plus one to your utter disappointment. Though it sounded like you were supposed to be guests, in the end the man made it clear that he wanted Billy to have his back and his people to be blended in the crowd. Therefore, most of the night, you and Billy have been following around the old man, some no name politician you couldn't even recognise with his wife on his arm, smiling like a wild beast.
"You know, if you think about it, this could be our first date," Billy smirked as his eyes scanned the room. "It's like a grand double date," he smirked, earning an annoyed huff from you.
"It's not a double date, I wouldn't even go out with you if you were the last person on this planet," you groaned. "We are just— third and fourth wheeling for the sole purpose of their security," you nodded towards the couple in front of you.
"If denial makes your sensitive little heart feel better about your attraction towards me, who am I to object," he chuckled. "Though I have to admit, that silk dress on you makes it very hard for me to focus," he scanned your body, his gaze studying every single inch as though he could see through the thin material. His eyes dwelled longer on the high cut design that ran up to the top of your thigh, exposing your bare legs. His intent gaze burned your skin, your ears feeling as though they were on fire before realisation hit you.
"Hold on a minute, are you flirting with me?" You asked incredulously.
"As smart as you are, I'm surprised it took you this long to realise," he replied with his smug grin growing wider.
"Wipe it off," you scoffed at him as he grabbed your arm, rougher than you expected and linked it with his, patting the back of your hand. You walked around the ballroom with him on your side as he shook hands with all kinds of men, each seemingly interested in every breath Billy took, almost as though he was more important than the old man in front of you.
"Why? If it wasn't for your distaste in all these events, you'd be drooling over me by now," he chuckled playfully, offering you a subtle wink, before he turned back to the sea of people with his head held high, his body straightening in an authoritative manner.
"You are delusional," you hissed, teeth gritting in frustration.
"Right, I guess you just love staring at me then. Though I'm not surprised, I'm certainly good to look at," he huffed.
"No and No," you scoffed with a grimace. "And remove that shit-eating grin from your face already," you retorted as Billy clicked his tongue.
"Pretty lips, but such a dirty mouth," he let out a low, throaty laugh as he leaned closer, his lips brushing your ear, his warm breath sending a shiver through your body. "You know, I have a couple of ideas what you could use that mouth for," he replied in a suggestive tone, arching a single brow as he pulled back.
"Oh, do you now?" You offered him a playful smile as your eyes looked him up and down before your gaze met his again. "Unfortunately for you, I'm not interested," you shook your head, trying to act as though his offer didn't affect you, as though his body so close to you didn't force your heart into a dangerous pace. Though mostly you found it easy to ignore his teasing, you had to admit a part of you was indeed inclined to know more about where his mind was wandering off to.
"Ouch," he placed a hand in front of his chest, acting as if he was indeed in pain before he rearranged himself. "Your loss, I guess," he shrugged nonchalantly, earning an annoyed eye roll from you.
As the night went on, you tried to ignore the music in the background and focus on your work. Your eyes scanned the gigantic room as you shimmied through the sea of people dancing in pairs whilst Billy followed right behind you, clearing his throat. Looking back over your shoulder, you realised his eyes weren't on the people surrounding you or establishing eye contact with the rest of the team. His gaze fell lower, lower than you expected.
"Do you like the view?" You asked, arching a brow as he finally stopped staring at your backside and lifted his gaze, running his tongue across his bottom lip.
"What can I say that dress seems to enhance your beauty in all the right places," he smirked, earning a scoff from you. "Hey, can't I compliment you?" He raised his hands innocently, but you didn't fall for it, his proud grin spread wider as he ran his eyes all over you again.
"Pig," you spat as you finally reached the end of the crowd and stole a glass of champagne from a tray one of the servers walked around with.
"You are not supposed to be drinking," he gave you a cold look.
"I can't handle you sober," you chugged the content of the glass in a swift movement, earning a loud huff from him.
"That's not very professional," he replied as he stepped closer and placed a hand on your waist, tugging you closer in his side.
"Well, screw professionalism," you huffed as you felt the alcohol hit you. It was already warm inside, but with the alcohol, you felt your cheeks flush. Your eyes wandered to your side, where his big palm cupped your side, his touch radiating further warmth into your already heated body. "Is it just me—," you asked as you met his gaze, "or your hand seems to wander way too carelessly on my body tonight," you squinted suspiciously.
"I'm just making sure you are safe," he shrugged nonchalantly.
"I'm not the client, you know that, right?" you huffed as you grabbed his hand, took it off your waist and walked towards another room, searching for the old man, before you heard a voice in your earpiece, letting you know about his whereabouts. Heading to his position, you felt Billy's presence right behind you again. You halted your steps and turned around, folding your arms in front of your chest.
"You were not supposed to be drinking," he repeated himself with a stern expression across his face, one that told you this time he wasn't playing around, he was indeed unhappy with you. But instead of apologising or acknowledging his presence for that matter, you simply ignored him and looked around the room. "Do you even realise that I'm your boss?" He frowned, looking at you with a questioning gaze. "I feel like I have been way too lenient with you," he groaned as you stared him down. You caught sight of a waiter heading your way, so you quickly snatched another glass from his tray and gulped down the champagne.
"So? What are you going to do about it?" You asked in a mocking tone, smirking at the man as he chewed on his bottom lip. The words escaped your vocal cords before you could even protest. In normal circumstances you would have never dared to say them out loud, but the alcohol in your system, the two glasses of champagne seemed to do the trick. As you weren't big on drinking and barely had any alcohol, it hit you harder than someone who was used to its strength.
"I could fire you in this instance," he hissed, his tone low and warning. You took a step towards him, barely leaving a couple of inches between you as you looked up at him.
"Then why don't you?" You asked, arching a brow, waiting for a reply. "Come on, why don't you, huh?" You taunted him. "What did you expect? That I'm going to beg you to let me keep my job? Humour me, Russo," you huffed, this time wearing the same shit-eating grin he wore before.
"You are playing with fire," he spoke through gritted teeth as he sneaked an arm around your waist and pulled you flush against his chest, forcing you to lift your head higher to be able to look up at him. "I don't appreciate that tone," he continued in a low, dark voice, one that made your knees buckle, the air stuck in your lungs. "If you want to get my attention, then you can stop, you have had it for a while," he growled as he brushed his lips against your earlobe, his breath fanning the sensitive skin behind your ear. "But if it's for the sole purpose of pissing me off, I advise you to cut the bullshit, because I don't like your stupid little game," he squeezed your side as he pulled back, his jaw clenched.
To be fair, you weren't sure why you were taunting him, but there was something about him when he was frustrated, when you knew he was just a push away from snapping. You never dared to cross that line, nor did you want to do it now, but that borderline dangerous look in his eyes made you feel weak, his strong arm around you rough and warning, still you couldn't stop yourself from poking the sleeping lion. "So, you can play with me, but I can't do the same? Don't you think that's hypocritical?" You scoffed, folding your arms in front of your chest, creating even more space between you. There was a moment of silence as Billy studied your face, trying to decide if you were serious or you had gone completely mental.
"You are drunk, you are not making any sense," he scoffed as he got hold of your arm and started dragging you towards a closed door. As he opened it, you found yourself in some sort of a lounge with a sofa on the opposite wall of the room, an armchair on each side and a small coffee table right in front of it. The dim light and empty room created a rather welcoming feeling after the loud ballroom. "Sit down and take a minute for yourself, I will be back in a second. Hopefully by then you will make more sense," he threw the words at you as he left and closed the door behind himself.
You didn't attempt to take a seat and lounge around, you didn't want to sit down and do nothing, though the slight dizziness you felt urged you to do so. For a second you debated if you should listen to your instincts and indeed rest your tired limbs, but you shook yourself out of the thought and instead wandered around the room, looking at the paintings on the wall. Each art was of the same man— the one you were supposed to be protecting— wearing the finest of clothing you have ever seen. Rich folks, you scoffed at the thought, but before you could have dwelled on them any longer, the door opened. Without looking over your shoulder, Billy's cologne filled your nostrils. "Did you come back to police me?" You said without turning to look at him.
"It seems I didn't give you enough time to clear your head," he mused.
"My head is completely clear," you shot back at him, stumbling a bit as you felt slightly lightheaded. He stood in front of the closed door, hands tucked in the pockets of his trousers as he casually leaned against the wooden panels.
"I can see that," he scoffed, this time with a tiny smile in the corner of his mouth, running his eyes up and down on your body, his gaze darkening.
"I'm not drunk," you pointed at his chest as you walked up to him in haste, halting your steps right in front of him, leaving a barely visible gap between the two of you, feeling the heat radiate from his body.
"And I believe that," he replied in a mocking tone. "Though it leaves me with a question. It seemed you had some difficulty standing on your own two feet just a minute ago. What was that about that then?" His smug grin grew wider, knowing he was right. Indeed, there were some side effects to the alcohol you have consumed.
"Fine," you replied, jaw clenched in anger, teeth gritting as you held yourself back. "I'm— I might be— a little drunk," you cleared your throat as though admitting it caused you physical pain.
"Okay, now we are getting somewhere," he said as he lifted his hand and brushed his fingertips along the curve of your shoulder, slowly following the path down to your wrist. "So, why did you drink then?" He asked, with a slight amount of curiosity.
"You pissed me off," you shrugged nonchalantly, earning a chuckle from Billy as he kept repeating his movements, running his fingers along your arm, causing goosebumps to appear on your skin, which he did not miss.
"That's not very professional, is it?" He asked, teasing you as his strokes moved from your shoulder to your collarbone, forcing your breath to turn shallow. He lifted his eyes, meeting your lustful gaze, only to caress his ego further. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say you are not only drunk, but that smart little head of yours might just be filled with some very— very dirty thoughts," he chuckled as you swallowed nervously, his palm cupping your face, running his thumb along your lip.
He wasn't wrong though. There were thoughts that you wished never to voice, thoughts that had him standing in front of you naked, completely exposed, your hands running across his toned chest, his mouth nipping at the soft skin of your neck. You licked across your lips as the thought became even more vivid, his grumbling tone forcing you to draw your thighs together, needing some sort of a friction. He arched a brow at the movement, a cocky grin spreading across his face. "It seems I'm right once again and you are not even trying to deny it," he breathed as he planted his other hand on your waist and drew you closer. "Tell me, where is that pretty head of yours wondering to?" He let out a low chuckle, but you didn't answer, you didn't dare to say it. "Let me guess," he leaned down to your ear, tickling your neck with his beard, causing a knot to appear in the pit of your stomach, your breathing turning ragged, "are you horny?" He let out a low chuckle as he bit your neck, earning a silent squeaking sound from you, his actions 'almost' sobering you up. 'Almost', because within seconds you find yourself leaning into his touch.
"I—," you tried to reply, but your throat seemed too dry, your heart was beating so heavily, you could hear the drumming of your own pulse in your ears. "I maybe— just maybe a little horny," you breathed as he ran his lips along the curve of your neck, forcing your eyes to flutter shut. Before you realised your own actions, you cupped his cheeks and pulled him away from your neck, pressing your lips to his, stunning him for a mere moment, before he returned your advances. The kiss was hungry, teeth tugging at lips, tongues fighting for dominance, but that was what you needed. You pressed your body against his, closing any remaining gap between the two of you, earning a low growl from Billy. He grabbed your hips, holding onto you as though he was trying to ground himself, keeping himself sober in the haste of that heated kiss.
"I think we should stop," he breathed as he finally found his strength to leave your lips. A deep frown spread across your brow as you studied him.
"Why?" You asked in confusion, knowing— feeling his body's reaction to you.
"Think whatever you want of me, I can be a lot of things, but I like to think that touching someone without their consent is wrong. I believe we have already done more than we were supposed to," he cleared his throat as he tried to push you back gently, but rather firmly and you obliged.
"I'm giving you consent, Russo," you replied in disbelief.
"You are drunk, so I'm not sure you are," he shook his head. A loud huff left your lungs as you walked up to the sofa and sat down, placing one leg over the other, crossing them as you sunk deeper into the cushions.
"Okay," you scoffed. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I said I was a little drunk. You see little is the key word here," you tilted your head, hoping he would understand where you were going with this. "As you can see, I'm capable of talking, walking, thinking and I'm certainly not crawling on the floor, am I?" You arched a brow, watching his expression turn contemplating. "I will make this easy for you, Russo," you continued, your tone inviting. You lifted your leg from the other and spread them just enough, so the opening of your dress fell between your legs, the high cut design revealing your bare thighs. Seemingly it was enough of an encouragement for Billy to tense up and swallow visibly. "So, what's it going to be?" You asked as a mischievous smile grew wider across your face just as you slowly started closing your legs. Before he could even stop himself, he pounced on you, kneeling between your legs, stopping you from closing the gap as he pressed his lips against yours, ready to take you up on your offer.
His mouth attached to yours hungrily, grabbing your thighs as he pushed you further into the sofa. You busied yourself with his clothes and started untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, impatiently trying to pull the material out of his trousers. You threw his tie on the floor, soon followed by his shirt, before you pushed him down beside you and crawled into his lap, earning a groan from him. "You little beast," he grinned at you as he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you down to meet him halfway in a heated kiss, his hands grabbing your ass, pulling you further down onto his lap, his kisses trailing down to your neck, leaving you panting, whispering his name in your half-clear state of mind.
"Just so you know, I still hate you," you breathed against the crook of his neck as you returned the satisfying attention he was giving you, nipping on the sensitive skin, earning you a throaty groan from him.
"Yeah, I can feel it," he chuckled as he bucked his hips, causing a gasp to erupt from your lungs. "Let's discuss that after you stop screaming my name in pleasure," he replied through gritted teeth as grabbed your hips and with a swift movement changed your position, throwing you on your back, hovering above you. He studied your dishevelled look with a smug grin across his face, before he pressed his lips to yours again, his hands exploring every part of your body that he didn't have the chance to before, forgetting about everything and anything about the ball on the other side of the safely locked door.
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Taglist is in a reblog from now on.
#billy russo#billy russo x reader#billy russo x you#billy russo x yn#billy russo x y/n#billy russo x female reader#billy russo fanfiction#billy russo fanfic#the punisher#ben barnes#ben barnes x reader#billy russo imagine#billy russo one shot#battle of swords celebration event
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We’re going strong on Day 7, folks! Introducing the lovely Billi :chinhands:
Billi, author of Spilt Milk
Latino Heritage Month Featured Author
You are the heir(ess) of a hotel empire enjoying your independence before you eventually assume the role of CEO. with no shortage of money, drink, and warm bodies, you would say you have a pretty good life.
Your father, however, would beg to differ, and threatens to cut you off until you demonstrate “some semblance of common sense”—whatever that means. Like he does every week.
You didn’t think he would actually do it this time, though.
Some Scottish guy once wrote “[it’s] no use, however, crying over spilt milk.” but, damn it, you’d like to see someone try and stop you.
Spilt Milk Demo TBD | Read more [here]
Tags: comedy, romance
(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)
Q1: So, tell us a little bit about the projects you’re working on!
I’m currently working on Spilt Milk, a novel made in Twine. It’s essentially a game where you play as an heir[ess] whose father is fed up with their shenanigans™. It’s definitely inspired by that genre of television where a character is completely and utterly removed from their element. Re: Schitt’s Creek, Arrested Development. As it is Latino Heritage Month, I’d toss in Que Pobres tan Ricos [starring one of my favorite Latino actors, Jaime Camil] and Silvana sin Lana. It’s incredibly fun to write—I make myself laugh at least—and I hope it’ll be fun to read as well!
Q2: What excites you most about using interactive fiction? What are some of the biggest challenges?
Interactive fiction as a medium is incredibly exciting! I’m an impatient reader, picking up books with the intention of finishing, of finding out what happens next. Upon rereading, I love stumbling upon little details that, in my initial haste to reach the ending, I overlooked. Purposely knitting in those details to be missed, then noticed, gives me a little sense of satisfaction each time. That may apply more to fiction authors in general, but it’s definitely prominent in interactive fiction in which those minute details can entirely alter the direction of the story. What I find challenging with interactive fiction is figuring out how to actually write it.
Do I approach this section linearly? Do I first explore all these branches and then return to the main plot? And if you’re like me and have a bunch of activities going on, when you get a chance to write, you tend to work on the fun scenes just for the sake of getting something on the page. I do realize that one of these days I’m going to have to sit down and write all the interludes and transitions I’m currently neglecting. I both dread and look forward to it because, at the very least, when it’s done, it’s done.
Q3: What has been something in your project you’ve had to do a weird amount of research for?
I’ve had to do an absurd amount of research on noughties culture: fashion, music, memes. I grew up in the aughts, but my experience was that of Club Penguin, Claire’s, and Disney Channel. So I’ve been rediscovering the era through this project.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit making playlists, pinning outfits, and browsing old websites for design ideas.
[Aside: some aspects of the early internet aged like, well, milk].
Q4: Which of your characters is most like you? How?
I put a bit of myself in each character; however, I think the way I interact with the world is most similar to Bri. I’m laid-back to a fault; the boundaries I do have, I’m firm on. I also love me a good grilled cheese. Unfortunately, I don’t have a rivalry rife with sexual tension, but it’s only 10am—that’s subject to change.
Q5: Does your heritage influence your characters as you create them? (How? Why or why not?)
I’m Afro-Latina, born in the States. My mom is Colombian; she found asylum here with my brother back in 2001. Because of Colombia’s political situation, most of my extended family on my mother’s side lives everywhere but: Spain, England, and Texas [its own country by every definition of the term]. My dad is your standard issue African-American man from Georgia. You can definitely find influences of my heritage in my writing, because it is such an important part of how I view the world and the world views me. I don’t think I would know how not to let it influence my writing.
Bri is an absolute overachiever, which comes from having incredibly supportive parents that have afforded her every privilege and never let her see the color of her skin as an obstacle to overcome.
Juanes’ background is more than a little influenced by my older brother’s experiences; he grew up with a single mom. My mom did not have an Abuelita to help out around the house, but she found herself a family in the tight-knit community of Latinos in Roswell, GA. His addiction to telenovelas and general camp comes entirely from me.
Santy is mixed. The interest in theatre comes from a place of trying to find your niche, your own little place in the world wholly separate from the labels people try to place on you. Santy tries their absolute best to be unapologetically themselves, but it is tough sometimes, which can be seen in the way they fret a little too much about how they’re perceived.
Q6: What is something you love to see in interactive fiction?
“Can you say ‘Diversidad?’”
Interactive fiction is very much a medium that lends itself to representation, and I love seeing creators take advantage of it to showcase their own cultures or simply create an environment in which readers feel both safe and seen.
Q7: Any advice to give?
In general: Make your bed before you leave the house; it’s a different kind of gratification coming home to tucked sheets.
To creators: Terrible first drafts are a thing. That’s why they’re drafts.
#if: events#latino heritage month#latino authors#interactive fiction#cyoa#choose your own adventure#choose your story
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Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1
It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.
Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!
Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.
Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!
Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!
Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?
Either way is ok, I’m just curious!
I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.
Hey! Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year. I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway. Was just curious about Step 4. Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?
Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.
¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english)
Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.
Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3
How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.
Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask
Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.
Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event?
It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.
HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!!
Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.
Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC?
Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.
Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3?
Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.
will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused?
It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.
Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits?
Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.
Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it.
For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.
Did the illustrator for Our Life change?
We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.
So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀
Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.
Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.
Keep up the amazing work! ♡
Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.
Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it?
I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.
Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!
Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline events planned?
I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!
Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game!
The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.
Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place?
Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.
Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence?
Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.
Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?
After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.
Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.
She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.
Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀
It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.
—– —– —– —–
We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog
#our life#Our Life Beginnings & Always#Our Life: Now & Forever#ask#gb patch#gb patch games#xoxo droplets
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Biweekly Media Roundup
- Fire Emblem (Game Series) - Admittedly I don’t plan to play Three Hopes as the hoard action game style isn’t my thing, but I am enjoying seeing the new designs for all my fave Three Houses blorbos. Excellent for having a new influx of fanart.
- Star Trek Strange New Worlds (TV) - My dad is a huge Star Trek fan, so we’re watching the new series together. Not too far in but it’s pretty cute so far, the advanced space cult protecting the divine path of a “living” asteroid plotline was a pretty creative one, and the characters at least have potential, though I’d prefer them to just be fully original rather than retreads of TOS.
- Danganronpa 2 (Video Game) - According to my calculations the Grumps playthrough should be finishing up here in the next two or three weeks, so looking forward to that.
- The Owl House (Cartoon) - Caught up just in time for the finale and WOW did the second season outdo the first by a long shot. Not that I thought that season one was bad per say, but it had a habit of being clumsy and meandering. I liked the characters, but I never felt like they were given as interesting things to do as they could have been. Season two fixed that in spades-All the major characters are given interesting lore that has lasting effects into the future plot, the supporting cast actually gets to contribute to the story in interesting ways, Luz and Amity get to be gay as hell and are adorable together, tragic emotional mess sadboi Hunter is here now and I love him dearly, and there’s actual stakes going into the next episode as I genuinely don’t know where they are going to go with it. I’m of course mad at Disney for canceling it prematurely, but kudos to the writing team for managing to keep it engaging given their unexpectedly condensed timeframe.
- Spy X Family (Anime) - Man Anya is so cute, I’m surprised about how invested I am in her school hijinks given the actual espionage happening in the show, but the telepathy aspect combined with her impulsive gung-ho attitude makes her interactions with her classmates just hilarious. Damien seems like he’ll be an entertaining little shit, and I’m looking forward to meeting Yor’s brother.
- Pathologic (Video Game) - Pretty far into Patho 2 now, and while I don’t know if I can say I like it better than Classic, I do think it’s an improvement on the Haruspex’s route overall. You really do connect to the town and its people more, and giving Artemy actual connections and childhood memories beyond what he received in the original is quite nice. I do kind of miss how weirdly nice Daniil and Artemy’s conversations were in classic, but admittedly their dialogue here is a lot more snappy and entertaining overall-Daniil’s just such a little prick and Artemy is having none of it. To be fair it’s not like they retconned Haruspex route Daniil to hate Artemy or anything, he still seem to quite like him, he’s just mean about it now which I for one find hilarious. Artemy’s individual dialogue is also pretty entertaining, most of the time it’s pretty relatable “I’m exhausted and over this shit” type of stuff but every so often he just pulls out these insane lines like “I’m somewhat of a kitten myself” or “Normally people call me ‘Help, I’m Dying’”, like what??? Artemy what are you doing man?? I love it.
- Schitt’s Creek (TV) - Starting to get actually attached to these characters at this point-David’s budding romance with his is business partner is quite wholesome, I’m really loving all Alexis’s looks, and the Stevie/Mr Rose dynamic is a fun addition.
- Return of the Obra Dinn (Video Game) - Finished, and what a game it was! It really can only be played once due to it’s single puzzle nature, but it was definitely worth that single playthrough, with a truly unique aesthetic, memorable music, great creature design, and an interesting puzzle that is just difficult enough to make you feel smart for solving it. If your the type that likes escape rooms or just puzzles in general, I’d 100% recommend this is was a blast.
- Dracula (Original Novel) - Good the cowboy has arrived.
Listening to: Dead Man Walking by City Wolf, Fear & Delight by The Correspondents, Begin Again by Purity Ring, Curses by The Crane Wives, What Else Can I Do (Encanto OST), The Mother We Share by CHVRCHES, Sweet Talk by Saint Motel, Go Get Your Gun by The Dear Hunter, Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride by Mark Keali’i Ho’omalu, Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by ABBA
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Hi babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 Back with a new 'Q&A' post. Enjoy 🙃
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes, I did. You can find it here, dear: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192029691691008/camren-timeline-tittle-edited.
Yes, I heard about that rumor, dear Anon, and veeery false.
I knoooow 😍😍😍 Let's cry in joy and queerness 🥺😭🌈🏳🌈
Yep, dear Anon. And unfortunately for us, they will continue to do so for a veeeery long time 😒🙄😔
No, dear Anon, I highly doubt it's another duet. They'd be really, but really stupid if they do 🤦🏻♀
No, dear Anon, these are just people who want attention. People who have problems in their lives and talk shit about others to feel better. This is just the work of those people who believe in black magic and want to involve as many people as possible to think like them, and if they fail, they attack you because you didn't agree with them and you didn't go to their side. They can get so desperate they even get to the point of, oh I don't know, since you've blocked them, sending an anonymous ask to your girlfriend with a death wish for you:
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The funny thing for me besides thinking that maybe this person believes they're a witch and imagining them with a voodoo doll with a needle in my stomach, is that I was kind to them the first time 🤷🏻♀ I tried to make them reason, I really tried to meet them halfway, but sometimes that's not enough with people like that.
But anyway. My point is that no, management has nothing to do with it. Thank you for your ask, dear 🤗
It's okay, dear Anon, don't worry 😄 In last time’s ask you wanted my opinion on the song, right? Well, Not Killin' It Today simply talks about how not every day is a good day. It can happen to all of us not to feel 100%, and Mila says just that. For us girls it can happen even more during or just before the red sea period, if you know what I mean, and indeed, she herself sings “I'm PMSing” = PMS: premenstrual syndrome. If that's why, I think she wrote this song precisely around that period 🤣
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, dear, I can understand you, and if I hadn't, we would have found a way to do it. English is not my first language either.
1) Yes, I do think that.
2) (I knew all this) I know she did; she's been doing it for years if that's why because Taylor is one of Camila's mentors. Taylor is what can be defined as the celebrity master with PRs. She’s always done what she was asked to do and she’s always fulfilled her PRs duties of her contracts, and indeed, look where she is now, as well as being a great songwriter. So yeah, who better than her?
Hope you're great too, dear 🤗
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 I'm sorry I'm bad with general questions like this 😅 I'm so much better when I'm asked a more specific question, and usually, when I have something in mind, I write it and create a post with my opinion about it. I'm not kidding about how bad I am at this, believe me. It’s the same thing as when I get the typical “tell me something about yourself” phrase. It's like my brain suddenly switches off 😅🤣 Can you take a look at all my posts from my archive to see which ones I’ve already responded to and maybe come back with a question? I'm really sorry, dear 😖🥺
I'm sorry but Camila can't stop anything, dear Anon. Not Camila, not Roger, and not even Shoo. I understand your frustration, believe me, I do, but you, and anyone else to which this is still not clear, need to understand that it's a contract. A contract called a relationship contract, and it's a legally binding document. I know it's hard, but the advice I can give you is to ignore the 12-year-old SS and their fantasies, and wait for it to finish without wasting your energy on the bullshit they say. Don't let them get to you and unleash your anger. You make them win this way. Rather, have a laugh at their ignorance.
Hey dear Anon, I'm good, thanks, and I hope you're doing well too 😊 They broke up for a little while, for about a month before, so more than a breakup I would call it a little break. And to answer the rest of your questions, dear, I'll sum it all up by telling you that when they're not together, or they're on a break, they have a different way of acting than when they're together. And I speak in general. It shows in the way they behave in general. Now it's much harder to see since they're no longer in the group and you could clearly see when it happened, and it’s also hard since the pandemic, but there are patterns. I’ve spent so much time analyzing them that they're quite predictable in my eyes 🤣 Forgive me if I'm not going into details, but these are personal observations that not everyone can agree on, you know? Maybe I'll do it in the future, who knows 🤷🏻♀ We'll see 😉 Have a good day/night too 😄
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼 and thank you very much 😄 and yes, of course. To answer the rest of your questions, I'll summarize everything by telling you that you have to take into account that I entered the fandom at the Work from Home's time, so they were all just rumors to me initially. Camren themselves were just a rumor to me. I had to search, analyze, and find the proofs on my own to prove to myself which ones were true or not. The first example that comes to mind and that I can give you is the kiss in the van in London that I recently explained in my ‘Inauguration’ post.
I'm sorry you think this way, dear Anon. I honestly think she doesn't even know. She has said many times that she tries to stay away from social media, and I really believe that. She did it before already, but I'm convinced that she does that even more since she was going through that bad time and she was about to give it all up. Besides, it's known that she doesn't manage her accounts, just as it's known that she doesn't even control how they’re used I would say 90% of the time. I don't know if she'll find out and eventually will say something about it. We don't even know if she has the freedom to do so. So, I'm really sorry you're making a decision based on something she didn't do.
Hey to you too, dear Anon 😄 Yeah, it's nothing new. I'd already debunked the whole Laucy story with my very first post (https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648191757219250176/there-is-a-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel), so as far as I'm concerned, she can say what she wants in future podcasts/interviews as well, but she'll never be able to convince me that she's not actually talking about Camila. This was simply a much more chill, fun, with no tears, and no mention of Camila repetition. The first podcast served to plant the seed. We know that Lucy is her main narrative and we know that she will continue to use her for a very long time. I mean, it’s convenient for her. It's the perfect cover for our Mila. But if people want to keep believing they (Laucy) were real, that's honestly their problem 🤣 Let them be convinced of their beliefs, dear, and have a laugh 😉
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Here's the thing……… Yes, to everything you said 🤣 but let me explain why.
1&2) Yes, Laur is like ‘part’ of their contract but for simple narrative, as you yourself said too. If that's why, so are 5H and all the rest of the people who are or have been involved with them. I'll give you an example. You know the bullshit they said about the Austin Mahone tour? That Sunsilk was always isolated in his bus playing guitar? That no one spoke to him outside of Camila when there are actually plenty of videos showing him spending time with the rest of 5H and the other people on the tour too? Certainly none of those people can call him out on that bullshit today and say it wasn't true. They'd blow his cover. They'd make him not credible in the general public's eyes. So everyone needs to be quiet for what they know (that's how it works in that world for every damn thing), and that's Lauren's involvement in their PR. Be quiet. Be quiet and go along with the game. Just as Camila had to during hers with Tymbal.
3) They have to, dear, or all the farces told so far would go to shit for the GP too. 4) 100%, dear Anon, 100% 😏😉 but it must also be said that they'll remain connected forever anyway because of the group.
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Welcome and thank you very much 🤗
1) Everything she's been doing lately leads us to think that the first single for the EP will arrive shortly. I think and hope it will arrive for the summer, but as far as the actual EP is concerned, it will depend on the release of the single. So if the single is out this summer, it's very likely that the EP will follow its course by arriving towards the beginning of autumn. We'll see, dear, we'll see 🤞🏼 🤞🏼 🤞🏼
2) I know that many people get upset and that they're disappointed, and while I too would like her to interact with us more, I also know and understand that it's not just up to her. Although she's much but much freer than before, she still has contracts, people, and patterns to follow.
Take it from someone who's waiting for Rihanna's new album for 5 years 😅🤣 It takes patience, and I have a lot of patience, dear. I fall into the category of those who don't mind waiting simply because I'll always support Lauren.
People forget this: we have to consider ourselves lucky that after what she went through, she decided to pursue with music.
If you love her, if you stan her, then be patient. Stay metaphorically speaking by her side no matter what. That’s what I think, dear Anon.
Do you mean the first breakup they had that lasted from late November 2014 to late December/very first days of January 2015, or do you mean the bad one that took place in October 2015? But in any case, both of your questions rejoin only one event, dear Anon: the real breakup of the group that happened in mid-October 2015. But answering you more specifically:
1) You can see with your own eyes the videos of the interviews of that period by starting with this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WqOb9qBQ_M&t=11s.
2) Camila’s unofficial departure from the group at the time was the icing on the cake, but you have to consider a lot of things, dear. The fact that they were young. The fact that they were in the spotlight and were being monitored by both fans and management. The fact that they had those same people controlling them and telling them what to do all the time. The fact that they were constantly under pressure. The fact that they couldn't be together freely as a couple. The fact that they were forced to pretend they didn't love each other. The fact that they were forced to do PRs, despite being much lighter than now. I could go on with the list, dear Anon, but I think you get the point. It's a lot of stress and a lot to digest, especially considering how young they were and the environment around them.
Have a nice day too, dear 😄
Of course I can answer you, dear Anon 😊 So, in my opinion, and always keep in mind that I could be wrong, she told every person in her clique at different times. I think Mila knew about her attraction to girls back in school, but she didn't say anything to anyone because she didn't have a reason to. In the sense that she hasn't had the opportunity to approach another girl and therefore have a reason to tell someone about her queerness. After her first kiss with Lauren on New Year's Eve, I'm willing to bet that the first person she came out to was her mom. Camila's number one best friend is and always has been Sinu, so I can feel it in my bones that she was the first one to know. Oh and, we're in early 2013 here, so Mila was still 15.
After Sinu, there were the girls (DNA) who obviously lived their story with them step by step and therefore I don't think it was a real coming out with them, and her best friends back at home, Sandra and Marielle Guzman (and maybe also Mariana Luna since she was the other one with whom she was very close immediately after the two sisters, but I'm not very convinced of it), and Jenny Runza, who despite being a little younger than Sinu, Mila has always regarded as one of her best friends.
In 2014, when Camren were official, there were more confirmations that led to her automatic coming out with the rest of her clique's friends since the word Camren had already spread around like wildfire for almost two years by then.
At the beginning of 2015, it was the moment when Laur came out to her family, so I strongly believe that that was also Alejandro's moment, although I'm convinced that like the Jaureguis, Ale knew about his daughter all along and that he was even more convinced at X-Factor. Sofi was last on the list simply for a matter of age and I'm talking about 2017. I can't tell you when she told her grandpas. I don't even know if she could have told Norberto because I don't know the kind of relationship she has with him, but Mercedes? Well, abuelita certainly knew this before 2018 because I laugh when I think about the way she looked and talked with Mattress during their PR.
It's not that simple, dear Anon. You're not considering the fact that they didn't communicate during that time. You're dwelling on only one thing and are not looking at the big picture of their relationship at the time. Okay. Let's do something. Picture a scenario that has nothing to do with Camren.
Picture a couple living together. A couple who often quarrel over even the most trivial things or who don't talk at all because they almost avoid each other. Their relationship is very unstable and they're basically at the end of it. Now picture a conversation between this couple in which the only exchanges spoken in a normal way are by then just daily information such as: “I'll be at work from 8 to 4” - “Okay. Will you come home right after?” - “Yeah, I think so” - and then that person comes home at 6 pm despite the worried calls and messages received.
They're so distant that the person who came home late didn't feel compelled to pick up the phone and tell them about the delay. Probably that person didn't even feel compelled to give an explanation and justify the delay once they got home because they're convinced that their partner doesn't really care and that they're just looking for yet another excuse to argue. That person will have felt even more trapped and suffocated by their partner who was really worried instead, but neither of them tells the other the truth because they're too busy arguing and blaming each other instead of meeting each other halfway and really talking about what they feel and makes them vulnerable. They will surely end up in bed with their backs to each other without saying a word to each other after the fight.
Now look at these phrases from the song itself and put Camren's faces in place of the couple in the example: “With no confrontation, I really wish we could talk about it instead” – “All I need from your side is for you to communicate”. Is it easier for you to understand the dynamic now, dear?
Hello to you too @camilalauren0327 👋🏼😄 [why can't I ever tag you in posts?]
No, no, no, dear. None of this happens. So. I'd like to start by saying that OCD begins when people misunderstand their own thoughts. We've all had unwelcome and intrusive thoughts at least once in our lives, right? Well, the importance of those thoughts becomes much more intense or sometimes even extreme for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Like, I'll give you a stupid example, okay?
Most of the time I park, I lock the car, and after I’ve taken a couple of steps, I ask myself: “Ma ho chiuso la macchina?” / “Did I lock the car?”. So, I turn around and lock it again with the keys' remote control even though I've already done it, but I do that anyway to be sure and because maybe I really didn't do it because it happened for real. Now. What would a person with OCD do? Most likely they would do like me, and after getting halfway, they would go back again to close it AGAIN. They would do it a couple of times, and most likely, they would do it a third time after they got home. They would leave the house to go lock the car they've already locked five times.
OCD can begin in adolescence, early adulthood, or even childhood. The onset of obsessive-compulsive disorder is typically gradual, but in some cases, it can begin suddenly. Symptoms vary in severity from time to time and this variation may be related to the occurrence of stressful events. Now. Doesn't all this rings a bell for you? No? Okay, let me explain. I'll copy a piece of my ‘Camren Timeline (Tittle edited)’ post for you: “Camila suffers from one of the variants of OCD since she was 8, and despite seeing a therapist since 2013, her OCD was diagnosed at the end of 2015. C also suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, mood disorders, and depression (all linked to her OCD).”
Why did she start suffering from it at the age of 8? Because little Mila moved back and forth between Havana and Mexico City until she was 5, almost 6, right? After that, she moved to Miami with her mom by leaving behind her family, her friends, basically everything she knew, and her dad. Her dad finally managed to rejoin them almost two years later when she was almost 8 years old. Although she had her family with her again, her little mind didn't relax. It didn’t bring peace to her. In fact, that sprang her first OCD symptoms, which gradually worsened and then fully erupted years later in the group.
What triggers OCD? Stressful life events.
Got it now? Were you able to put the pieces together, dear? I've also answered other questions on the same topic here if it may interest you: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194918161989633/%C9%9F.
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, nobody’s asked me to do it yet.
So, as I think we all know, The Boy was originally titled Care About Me. Ed Sheeran wrote it and gave it to Mila for her self-titled album Camila. Mila almost completely rewrote it (Ed said 90% of it) and lastly discarded it because it didn't fit well with the rest of the songs on the album, and I totally understand that.
Intro:
“Yeah, he's messed up a couple times
But he's my glass of cherry wine
And I drink and I drink 'til I'm drunk off of him
I'm in love
(Ash:) He just hit me up to come over
He said what?”
So. The song begins with Mila trying to justify the boy by saying that even though he made mistakes, she's so into him to get past it. I know she used terms like drunk off of him and in love, but she doesn't mean that she's actually in love with him in this case. Just very into him. She's jokingly explaining the situation because she's talking to Ashlee, her friend, and I don't know about you, but my friends and I often use the term in love to make people laugh and to indicate interest in someone.
Like if we see someone for the first time and they're really hot, or if one of the celebrities we like posts like a selfie, we say “I'm in love”. Or, like, another kind of example: one of my best friends has been dating this guy for a few months, and last week he surprised her with some flowers (which he paid very much by the way) and with dinner just because. Hearing her happiness since she has always had only assholes so far, when she finished telling me everything, I made fun of her by laughing and saying: “Lost in love, huh?”. Not because she's actually in love with him, but because it was such a nice thing and she's into him.
So Mila used those phrases to indicate how much she liked him and not because she was actually in love. Also because if she had really been in love with him, she wouldn't have said she didn't care about him for the rest of the song.
Then ‘Ash’ receives the text, and this leads us to understand that the boy is a player and a cheater.
Verse 1:
“Momma said, ‘Always be kind, girl’ (Girl, what's on your mind?)
But I got something I should say (Say it, girl), uh
Boy, I'm sick and done and tired (There's something on my mind)
I'm not yours to manipulate, uh-huh (Tell him girl, tell hi)”
It explains itself quite well. She can't take it anymore.
Pre-Chorus:
“Oh boy, hold your tongue, I don't want no 'pology
‘Cause we both know you're thinking wit' was under your jeans”
Mila tells him not to waste his breath on justifications derived from his member because she doesn't need them. Tsk, Tsk. Typical male behavior. 80% of their thoughts are formulated based on how and where to put their tool in 🙄
“Sent your friends over to tell them you're missing me”
He even sends his friends to her to try to change her mind, but:
“But I don't care, so tell that boy that I am fine”
But she doesn't care. She doesn't care because she's fine this way. In fact, she's better off without him.
Chorus:
“I don't care about the day he decided to leave
I won't be there when he tells another lie so”
This makes us understand how many times she's had to forgive his bullshit.
“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons”
We know how lethal words can be.
“'Cause the boy don't care about me, lemme say it again, now, babe
I don't care about the way he thinks it's so sweet (Ah)
All that sugar cone gon' be bad for me tomorrow (Ah)”
He can try to kiss her ass as much as he wants, but she won't change her mind. Talking sweet to try to win her back doesn't work because she doesn't want to deal with a player who lies to her and messes up every time.
“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons
'Cause the boy don't care about me”
He doesn't really care about her, so it's even useless to her that he tries to fix it.
Verse 2:
“All my girls inside the place now (Say we don't need no man)
No wonder we switch sides sometimes (We got this)”
Camilita, Camilita, Camilita 😏 No wonder many girls prefer other girls, huh?
Switching sides can mean switching sides in the true sense of the word, that is for example going from one side of a room to the other. It can mean changing your mind about something or someone. And, most interesting of all in this case, it can mean switching sides in sexual orientation.
I've said many times that she's a fucking genius, and we know how sneaky she is with her songs. She was really smart at using this hidden meaning because a lot of people took it for granted that she meant the meaning of changing her mind since we girls have this nomination about often changing our minds about something.
“Wipe that good look off your face (Say we got better plans)
Ooh, you better not act surprised (For real)”
Exactly. What would be the point? A lot of guys do that 🙄
Bridge:
“Oh, oh, don't care about me
That's fine with me, babe
You don't care about me
And that's fine with me
Fine with me, fine with me (Don't care about)
It is what I need, oh (That's fine with)
Don't care about, care about
Care about, care about me, oh”
She's fine with it simply because she doesn't care about him either.
Outro:
(Ash:) “Girl, that's old, we're done with that”
Yep. She's definitely done with that/him.
And this is my interpretation, dear Anon 😄 In my opinion, if this song really ended up on the self-titled, it would've been used to give yet another proof of her light, old PR with Michael. People were supposed to remember her last, sure, Jan, flame before meeting the love guru Matrix. It was supposed to be like: “Hey, hey, guys, I'm straight, look! I was with a boy and now with another grandpa one!”.
It's just a different version of the Cinderella song for me: she doesn't need a guy in her life. Don't wrap your head around it too much, dear Anon. There's no deep meaning behind it at all. After all, this song was given to her by her idol, and she certainly couldn't refuse. She changed it in a sassy and fun way, she saw that she couldn't fit it with the others because it wouldn't have made sense, and she then discarded it. The end. She was like: it was funny, but I actually have a story to tell. Bye-bye.
Have a good day too, dear ❤️
Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes of course I can do both, but for what purpose am I supposed to do All Again? I mean, I can give you my interpretation of that song without any problem, but it wasn't written by them. By none of them five. That's why I'm asking you for what purpose am I supposed to do that. And that should answer your second question as well. Like No Way and many other songs, the girls may have related to them, but they didn't write them. The only songs they wrote, and not alone but with other songwriters, are:
- Me & My Girls, Don't Wanna Dance Alone, and Who Are You for Better Together,
- All in My Head (Flex) for 7/27,
- and for the self-titled album we have Sauced Up: Arlen (+ other songwriters), Make You Mad: Normally (+ other songwriters), Lonely Night: Norminah (+ other songwriters), Messy: Normally (+ other songwriters), and Bridget: Alren (+ other songwriters).
It's like you ask me to give you my interpretation on for example Who Are You. I could do it without a problem, but that song was written by 8 different heads. With the exception of the bridge that we know Lauren wrote, I can't tell you who among Camila, Dinah, Normani, Ally, Julian Bunetta, PJ Bianco, and Nasri Atweh wrote which part. Analyzing a song sung by a single artist/songwriter is completely different because the idea and concept and feelings are based on a single person. The songwriters who co-write the song together with the artist adapt to them, or maybe the idea comes to one of them, but they modify the concept together with the artist based on their personal experience, as happened for example with Consequences.
Now that you know all this, do you still want me to analyze All Again? Let me know 😄
Let's move on to More Than That.
Lauren wrote four songs in 2016, two of them were meant to be for someone else, but one of them, as we all know well, she kept it to herself. She decided to keep More Than That to herself once she modified the original lyrics along with Prince Charlez and SoundzFire, aka Hue Wayne Strother.
Intro:
“M-M-M-Murda”
This small part of the initial effect intro we hear, is simply a shoutout to Murda Beatz, one of the two producers of the song.
Verse 1:
“I see you watching so I walked into your stare
'Cause I ain't in the position to be walking over there”
She's not in the position to go there simply because she's taken, but she likes to be watched. She likes the attention she's receiving, so she puts herself in plain sight so that this person can keep looking at her.
“I got a situation, I can tell you wanna know”
This guy must have wondered: ‘Why if she's looking back at me, then she won't approach me? Is she someone who likes playing hard to get? Is she a teasing sort? Is she waiting for me to go to her? Or maybe she's in a relationship?’ Typical questions you ask yourself in that situation, and Laur summarized them all in one simple sentence.
“How you can take an honest girl and turn her to a …
If I'ma take a gamble, then you better come correct
I need more than them diamonds that you got around your neck
Shit, anybody can flex, my baby do it best
If you come with somethin' better, then we might just take it there”
The stare, the fact that this guy has the money (diamond necklace), the physical appearance, are not enough for her to push her to cheat. Because if she has to take the risk of cheating, these are certainly not the things that would drive her to do it, but she could if he had something better to offer her. [And with that, please keep in mind that Lauren is a very loyal person and that she wouldn't have done it even if this guy had gone with something better]
Pre-Chrous:
“I know I ain't right for tempting you
But I just wanna see what you would do
If I gave you a taste of what I do
Just remember that I don't belong to you”
The fact that she returned his gaze, that she spoke to him and gave him just a little taste, doesn't mean that she’s no longer taken. As I said before, she likes the attention, and although she knows that it's wrong to instigate him, she does it anyway because she's playing with him. “It's kind of more like clowning him” as she said herself.
Chrous:
“You gon' have to come stronger than this liquor
Wanna take me home, better be more convincing
It'll take more than that to get to me
More than that to get your way
Boy, you better come stronger than this liquor
Wanna take me home, better be more convincing
It'll take more than that to get to me
More than that to get your way
I'm stronger than this liquor”
During the approach in which the guy tried to ‘take her home’ for the night, Lauren easily manages to reject him despite being drunk, because her loyalty is stronger than the attraction she may have felt for him and certainly stronger than what she was drinking.
Verse 2:
“If my man notice, there’ll be some issues”
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
I'm sorry but every time I listen to this part I can literally picture Camila turning into the Incredible Hulk as we've seen many times. And shit, despite her being tiny, Mila can be scary when she's pissed off.
“But take my number down, I just might hit you
No, I'm just playing, I'm so deep in love
But the way you talkin' might just have me actin' up”
Drunken thoughts mixed with attraction/arousal blocked by common sense and loyalty.
“The way you looking at me, boy, I know what's up
I can feel how you feel without even a touch”
Let's not fool ourselves, guys. You too will have felt when a person is ready to jump your bones. To feel it in the air. To perceive it from the way they look at you, talk to you, and yes, even using excuses to innocently touch for example your arm even if the intentions are far from innocent. These kinds of things, whether you're in a relationship or not, whether you're loyal or not, and especially if you're attracted to the person in question, make you feel appreciated. They make you feel good. But:
“But don't think that's gon' make me give it up
Boy, your time is up”
But that doesn't mean, however, that you take action on it. It doesn't mean you give in to temptation. It was nice, but no thanks. Bye-bye.
Outro:
“It'll take more”
It takes more than good looks, money, and fake, shiny people from L.A.
And that's it, dear Anon 🙃 This is just a funny song about a situation that happened in a club, in which Lauren shows her flirtatious side but also her loyal side. It wasn't that good for her image, but I have an explanation for that as well.
Remember how I initially said that Lauren wrote this song to give it to someone else and then decided to keep it for herself after modifying the original lyrics? Well, in my opinion, she ‘decided to keep it’ and was even chosen as a single, simply for the narrative. It was chosen to go along with the fake love square cheating bullshit [Lauren and Ty who cheated on Lucy and Alycia to be together]. People should have believed even more that Lauren was a person capable of cheating, and this song served the purpose.
🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀
Aaand I'm done 😜 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊
Always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️
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Rewriting Sonic Characters into other Continuities: Cosmo The Seedrian
With the 18th anniversary of Sonic X not too long ago, many fond memories of the anime started to resurface, as a question begun to ponder...
What if Cosmo The Seedrian was in other Sonic related media?
She was one of the most memorable parts of the show in my opinion, mostly due Season 3 of Sonic X being an original story. With that out of the way, let's get started!
These are just rough ideas and I would love to see some feedback!
Classic!Cosmo: About a month after the events of Sonic CD, Little Planet appears above Never Lake for its monthly visit to Earth. Sonic and Tails decide to visit and are surprised to find a growing population of plant people known as Seedrians.
As it turns out, Dr. Robotnik used the power of the Time Stones to reverse the Seedrians into the Miracle Planet flowers and seeds, before they had a chance to fight back.
Now that Dr. Robotnik is gone, they live in peace and praise the blue hedgehog that saved their people.
As Sonic is enjoying the festivities, Tails bumps into a shy Seedrian known as Cosmo. They become quick friends, bonding over sciences (Cosmo is more a botany genius in this continuity) and Tails even takes her for flight on the Tornado.
Sonic and Tails promise to visit her every time Little Planet comes back to Earth, to see their new friend.
This Cosmo is more quiet and keeps to herself, but the moment you get to know her she talks all the time.
Modern!Cosmo: The Cosmo of this era is a lot older and more independent, as she now leaves Little Planet on her to explore the Earth more, fascinated by this planet.
I'm addition to other Seedrians being NPCs in any open world Sonic games.
This becomes a running theme for Sonic games where she's off exploring and being in awe of the planet's flora, or just hanging with either Tails, Cream or Amy.
During Sonic Heroes, she would form a team with Might, Ray and herself. Since the three of them love nature so much and would be known as Team Naturals. Mighty being Power, Ray being Flight and Cosmo being Speed. The Team Blast involving the three of them homing attacking a series of giant seed bombs.
In Sonic Riders, she has an extreme gear board called "Mother Nature's Embrace", when you unlock her.
During Sonic Unleashed, her and Tails were testing Gaia energy on the local flora and fauna, to see if stopping Dark Gaia was the only cure to possessed people.
With small lovey dovey moments between her and Tails in the games, since we all know about the mandates. Or just a friendship if they're that strict and carry over to other characters.
During Sonic Generations, she's the NPC for the stage "Tidal Tempest" from Sonic CD and remarks if Sonic found the Time Stones again, if Classic Sonic saved her.
During Sonic Forces, she's in charge of food production in the Resistance, due to her power over plants.
The Cosmo of the Modern Sonic games is more akin to her in Sonic X, except with higher self esteem and doesn't have motion sickness. She can be rather clumsy, very kind, gentle and quiet, with a preference for not fighting unless necessary and a bit of a temper. She has a huge passion for botany and medicinal sciences, with gardening being a hobby of hers.
Unfortunately, she doesn't always know her own strength, as Seedrians are born with tremendous strength for housework and helping environments.
SatAM!Cosmo: A ship full of an alien species is soaring through the galaxy, with one mission in mind: find a new home.
They are known as Seedrians.
Once they arrive on a planet that reminds them of the a Mobius Strip in its composition, only to be attacked by robots.
Dr. Robotnik intercepted the space ship transmission and plans to roboticize these innocent aliens.
The Freedom Fighters intervene later on and are only able to save the kids, as the adults are all roboticized into robots. That destroy nature, ironically enough.
Cosmo becomes quick friends with the Freedom Fighters, relating on being orphans and absent parents that are now robotic slaves.
She doesn't really get out on the field like the rest of them, but she does help liven things up for the other kids at Knothole.
Underground!Cosmo: A forest spirit that takes a liking to music along with her sisters, as Sonic Underground makes their trek through Mobius.
I can see a single episode where Robotnik wants to use their powers as ornaments for a fancy gala... only for Sonic, Manic and Sonia to show up and save the day.
Fleetway!Cosmo: There is a legend of a race of warriors that travel across time itself collecting the finest flora, knowing of their extinction in the present day.
They are known as Seedrians.
These legends are found on Miracle Planet... a home to them for a couple of centuries.
Dr. Eggman of course desires this time travel technology for himself and for better use than "flower collecting."
Unlike the time Eggman gained control over all time via the Omni Viewer, he uses the time traveling alien technology to make up a fake history of him as an ancient, prophesied warrior to all of Mobius.
(It's also revealed that the Seedrians disappeared mysteriously and Cosmo has been working like crazy to carry on their work and find her people)
Only for Cosmo and the Freedom Fighters to put a stop to Eggman.
The Cosmo of this continuity is a lot more business oriented and moves from one task to the other, with little time for not following a structure. Underneath it all, is a scared girl that just wants to see her family again, that would never wish anything like that on others.
She bonds with Knuckles over losing your people and spends most visits with him.
Archie!Cosmo: In the Pre-Super Genesis Wave Universe, The Seedrians are seen as a myth to all of Mobius. Mostly due to Little Planet only appearing above Never Lake once a year every month.
The people Albion know of their existence, due to the Time Stones and The Seedrians both being a closely guarded of theirs.
The Seedrians of this continuity are more of a race of peace keepers and warriors, training under Nicholas O'Tyme and the mysterious Knights of Kronos.
Cosmo's father, Lucas develops a curiosity for Mobius and leaves with many other Seedrians to discuss alliances. With Lucas and his wife Earthia meeting the Acorn Kingdom.
Which goes as well as you would think.
Only for Dr. Robotnik to show up he seizes his grip over the planet.
Cosmo and her sister Galaxina go into hiding, along with many other children of the Seedrian adults. Earthia calls upon the powers of nature to to create an entire island, that exists outside of time.
Dr. Robotnik picks up the strange energy waves and attacks the island. With The Freedom Fighters showing up and turning the tide of battle on Robotnik.
Cosmo and Galaxina join the Freedom Fighters, with Cosmo becoming quick friends with Sally due to looking up her confidence and being in a similar situation, but choosing to stand for what's right.
Galaxina is more a mathematics genius and becomes good friends with Rotor and doesn't always get along with Antoine since he always wants play hero and she prefers a more grounded approach to things.
The Cosmo of this universe loves to explore, is a botany and medicinal genius and has a habit of casually mentioning random historical events, due to expose to the Time Stones. She's very kind to others and comes off as very quiet, but doesn't stop talking when you get to know her.
Due to her plant like nature and physiology, she loves Rock and Roll music, leading to her bonding with Sonic.
Her and Tails have a bit of thing going on, but are both shy around it and Tails doesn't have the best experience with relationships. The two of them hookup during Sonic's voyage/"death" in space with Tails' parents being in full support.
A rift is formed between her and her father, as him and many other Seedrians want to keep and redesign Robotnik's technology, while she sees it as ghosts of a rather scary past.
She also discovers the Krudzu and her kind nature surprising leads to her quelling the Krudzu, turning it on the side of the Freedom Fighters.
After the Super Genesis Wave, Cosmo is a resident of Little Planet that leaves to help the Freedom Fighters fight Dr. Eggman. Her personality is more or less the same as the old universe. Her parents stay back and organize Seedrian-Earth relations.
Nicole causes her to remember various events from the old universe like helping prepare for Bunnie and Antoine's wedding, the disagreements with her father, when she first kissed Tails, "befriending" the Krudzu and almost dying by saving most of Knothole and turning into a Chaos energy filled Tree.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic x#cosmo the seedrian#classic sonic#modern sonic#satam sonic#archie sonic#sonic underground#taismo#tailsmo#miles tails prower#dark oak#the metarex#long post#terrific togekiss
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constant craving 04 (final) | jjk
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/965ecc01e3771e4b80e05ec7015abbf7/4c21091cd5ba1700-ce/s540x810/bb8c4cd3d4ca10db64ce4c7bab902a9e7b9dde3d.jpg)
⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader
⇢ genre: “drabble” series, best friends to lovers au, slight angst, FLUFF, bestfriend!au, unrequited love, smarter idiots but still idiots all the same
⇢ word count: 6.8k
⇢ warnings: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, excessive drinking (drink responsibly), pining, jungkook is an overdramatic baby, a surplus of feelings (i am disgusted with myself), one (1) fire hazard
⇢ summary: with the Friendiversary approaching quickly, both you and Jungkook have an array of trials to navigate through. and, as Seokjin gets caught in the crossfires, you must finally make a decision that will define how the rest of your life will unfold.
♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪
╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)
a/n: wow.... so bitches really call this a drabble series then write a 6 thousand word finale... its me im bitches... anywho, i really love the way this played out!! jungkook had to hit the bottom to start rising to the top and it shows. also, the ending is like....... hehe well ill just let you all see for yourselves. enjoy my lovely readers! this wrapped up such a heartfelt series that is so dear to my heart. thank you all for the support for this! and i might whip up a few drabbles simply because i think this relationship is really cute hehe ok... happy reading! <3
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part four: i love you too
Carrying that music box in his pocket felt like a well-deserved and all too grim reminder of what went down a few days ago. Sitting drunk yet again, though one would best describe Jungkook’s posture as more of a sloven pile of flesh and bones withering away on a bar stool, he searched for the wallet which was in one of his four pockets.
He reached for the wrong one. Instead of the faux leather skimming his skin, it was a solid wood corner pricking the pad of his index finger. It stung more than it should have. Perhaps he'd gotten a splinter, or the top layer of his skin was simply too raw from all the wear and tear of your fight. Jungkook wasn’t one to jump at such negligible shocks, but it sank him back into that night. It wasn't the wooden corner at all.
You loved him. You still love him.
That's what you said. That's what nearly put him on the floor instead of in his chair, and what had been preying on his mind as if he were no different than a helpless animal drowning his regrets in whiskey. And he knew he should have said it back.
Jungkook theorized ways to defy the cruel restraints of time, and if the universe would be so kind as to allow him to travel back to that day in middle school when he happened upon a scared, flush-faced student running so fast and panicked that they bumped into each other, just to be the one who said 'I love you' first. Or those genies and shooting stars and blessed fountains that supposedly granted wishes; he would pay no hesitation to plead with whatever deity would listen and permit his most prioritized desire.
The retrospective bargaining remained a ghost haunting just about every waking moment of his life. Though, he had not been quite sure if said ghost was some cosmic sent presence or simply his own guilt. If regret took on physical ramifications, then Jungkook would have been convinced that was why he felt as if his legs wouldn't have been able to carry him even if he tried.
If I could just go back to that night with the knowledge I know now, I would have hauled my ass to your house instead of that club and told you that my choice was made for me the moment I met you. Every other person I ended up with these past twelve years was simply a buffer for loving you. I had to prepare myself, because loving you was something entirely too tremendous for a boy still grappling with his own faulty speech pattern to assume.
I wish you knew that. I wish I didn’t stand there like an idiot and let you leave, thinking me some hero for finally letting this new guy Seokjin take the place I had always imagined being in. I wish I had just said that I love you.
I love you.
I love you, ___.
Jungkook’s vision resembled that of a smudged lens. However, there were no fingerprints on his eyes. The world had turned blurry and colorless, the latter he knew was not due to the sixth order of whiskey he let soak into his heart’s open wound.
A life of color was one of the many things that left when you did.
He didn’t know it then, but Jungkook was being fervently dramatic since it had not been more than seventy-two hours the last time he spoke to you. Thought to him, it was akin to being just short of death and taking another breath would have been an expense he wasn’t sufficiently funded to pay.
Whatever happened in the interim of him paying his tab and walking out onto the sidewalk must have landed somewhere in the blacked out stretches of his inebriated memory, since he was now staring at your contact gleaming on his phone bearing the semblance of one guardian angel.
It was so ingrained into his routine. Opening the app with the phone icon, clicking the ‘recent’ tab, and finding your name no further than three contacts down the list because he called you as if he had important things to tell you, though normally it was just to hear your voice or to tell you about what he had for lunch. And it nestled into his muscle memory as natural as it was for him to breathe or blink. Even when alcohol debilitated his driving, walking, and thinking, his body was drawn to seek a haven such as yourself. And he nearly pressed ‘call’.
Before the comfort of your voice could ring through to his phone, reality descended upon that reflex. Right now, you were probably with Seokjin, attending some pretentious art gallery for one of his colleagues.
It was just Jungkook and the night sky and the moon that he hoped you were gazing at too; it would be the only connection to you as of now. The moon, a parcel for the most longing gazes.
There are stories where the two protagonists get it right. This was not that story. That reality stung more than the residual burn of whiskey clinging along his throat.
Both you and Jungkook made every wrong decision possible. From the moment you subjected yourself to exploiting the veneer of being a ‘good friend’ to disguise any true feelings that might have taken light, to the moment Jungkook was presented with all the excruciatingly obvious signs that you were in love with him, but was simply too inept to notice, to the both of you neglecting any urge threatening the bounds of platonic. Any path that would have steered to a destination where you two would get that happy ending was conveniently untaken.
And you had a long journey riddled with heartbreak after heartbreak to prove it.
He traded his phone with that wooden music box, scuffing the soles of his shoe as he walked back home, hoping he’d be able to give the gift to you on your Friendiversary.
-----
Your pain was still raw. In this way, you had not considered, or rather avoided the idea of tending to such delicate wounds. The days leading up to the infamous anniversary had been spent hoping you would organically heal enough to allow the presence of Jungkook while denying another reopening in your wound.
You had been juggling a not so thrilling number of conflicts the three days preceding that self-acclaimed national holiday.
One, Seokjin and his bottomless supply of invitations that you felt too obligated to refuse. He had such a life packed with plans which is more than you could have said for Jungkook. He, most likely, busied himself with promoting ranks in some obscenely violent video game. Two, a mutual friend of yours had told you Seokjin was fixing to make your relationship official this coming Friday, and you didn’t want to admit the lackluster reaction upon hearing the news was equivalent to receiving a C on a test. It wasn't the worst grade to receive, but you knew there would always be something better than adequacy. Not satisfying enough nor disappointing enough to be dealt with without bending a few expectations. And three, all you really wanted, the only agent of excitability (both good and bad) that diluted the festering numbness in your heart just a tad more, was thinking about seeing Jungkook on your Friendiversary.
But with that excitement, was its equally worrying constituent: whether or not you would be able see Jungkook that day without cracking under pressure.
Things weren’t exactly attuned between the two of you. Your emotional stature had never been more unsynchronized and offkey with Jungkook’s, so, forcing a celebratory movie or dinner would be no different than adding cornstarch to the already thick tension.
“___? Are you listening?” Everything Seokjin had just been droning on about filtered in and out without a single word being absorbed, and you could have pretended this wasn't the case but stress had apprehended caring enough to lie.
“Sorry… No, I wasn't. I’m just stressed is all.” Since that was only a half lie, self-admonition had not yet taken permanent residency whenever you would look at Seokjin’s eyes offering nothing but genuine tact.
“Oh, sorry to hear! Are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about?” That, and the soft press of his hand over yours had swallowed you into a perpetual, guilty cycle of comparing two incomparable people.
Seokjin was always like this. Serving a gentle smile and honest ears as a vessel of calmness during whatever calamity you were grappling. It was safe knowing if you fell, you’d have a comfortable cushion to soften the impact. He was mindful with his words and had the intelligence to articulate them with impressive eloquence. You were more likely to see pigs fly than to see him stutter. He had a diverse group of friends and walked a steady path to a financially secure life. And you started to wonder what else one would need in a partner? Any sensible person would do much more than you had to snag someone like Seokjin, as handsome as he was kind and respectful. He seemed to have everything Jungkook lacked, including mutual feelings for you.
It would have been entirely too easy to pick him, as if there was a ‘Seokjin’ button and a ‘Jungkook’ button and you could press Seokjin’s on a whim. If choosing him would have meant miraculous nullification of all your very real and very unremitting feelings for that idiot you called your best friend, then you would have done it in a heartbeat.
There wasn't a 'Seokjin' button or a 'Jungkook' button, nor was there a button that would wondrously redistribute your feelings towards Seokjin.
And then there was Jungkook. Always in the back of your mind when he wasn't tenanting the focus of it.
He was never predictable in the ways that mattered. It was just as difficult figuring out his next move as figuring out whether this trait was exciting or exhausting.
Though, this had not been to say you didn’t know him well; in fact, all his habits and preferences and pet peeves could be bound into a book, written by you, and it would be so accurate anyone who read it would think it was an autobiography. He knew you to the same caliber. Where Seokjin would ask what was wrong, Jungkook wouldn’t need to. He already learned your behavior to know to say something along the lines of ‘tell me what’s wrong when you're ready, we can watch your favorite movie or swing by that Chinese place with those great fried dumplings in the meantime’. And on more favorable occasions, he'd say nothing and simply wrap you in his arms and let his shirt become a delta for your tears.
To anyone else, that might sound entirely too frank and perhaps a bit dismissive to be comforting, but to you it was the exact cure for each affliction. To never need explanations that would validate your feelings because Jungkook saw to that right when he took notice; to never manufacture fake smiles through failed attempts at cheering you up since, of course, he knew exactly what to do to vegetate joy in your heart and earn a smile from years and years —and years— of practice. It had almost driven you mad, thinking about how he knew from a shift in your brow what you were feeling and yet, somehow, never realized how deeply in love you were.
All the while, the moment you were convinced you had been versed fluently in his every move, he would pawn another blindsight that would leave you breathless and amazed all the same. Jungkook always had concealed tricks up his sleeve, and life was anything but repetitive with him. You would more often than not find yourself struggling to relearn language and existing itself just to keep up with him. How exactly he managed to wield such diametric facets of being was an enigma beyond the reasoning of this universe.To feel like home, somewhere you belonged outside of your own body, and a daring voyage into a completely new world all at once must have meant he was some sort of Godsend. Only angels could have sculpted a soul so magnetizing, you assumed.
Seokjin was an umbrella, shielding you on some arcane journey under an unforgiving rainfall. Your shoes kept dry and your hair intact.
And if he was the umbrella, then Jungkook was the rain. Falling everywhere and all at once, so that you couldn't help but let yourself be saturated in his entire, vibrant being. And who’s to say letting such a water fall against your skin was a bad thing? Sometimes rain is cleaning, gentle even. They bear fruits as beautiful as rainbows that guide you to an unnamed treasure.
Your treasure, however, had a name.
Jungkook calling.
"___? Hello? You in there?" Seokjin waved his hand in front of your face mostly in a jesting manner, but part of him felt like your eyes were blinded by something held in your heart. If he hadn’t pulled you back into reality, you might have been lost forever.
“I'm just…” Your attention had abandoned this conversation the second his name gave light to your screen. “Sorry, um…”
“It's okay, you can take the call. I’ll be in the kitchen making us some coffee.”
If you were to thank him profusely, it would have been far too obvious how much you missed seeing his name among your notifications, and most likely expose how often you spent thinking of Jungkook while you were supposed to be enthralled with Seokjin. So, you just nodded and answered the phone.
Nodding and answering, as though that didn't feel like taking a breath of clean air after hours of swimming through muddied waters.
“Hello? ___?”
“Jungkook.” It took you longer than usual to form a response and what was assembled had been a half-baked utterance just to let him know you were on the other side of the phone, hearing his voice and feeling a surge of energy course through your veins like he was some delicious narcotic filling life into you after only a week without him.
“___.” Jungkook was in his own debt of words as well. The exchange halted for a few seconds, a jaded breathing cutting the cracked static.
“Look-”
“Hey so-”
Any hope that you had finally caught up to the same page as Jungkook was lost. Now, it seemed you two were reading entirely different books.
“You go.” You said after another dreadful pause. He was the one who called, so he should be the one carrying the burden of navigating through this deafening tension.
“Well, I- uh… I… Well, you see I was just, um, wondering…” Jungkook’s heart must have shut off. That would explain why even the most rudimentary of words felt closer to a foreign language. Or, why he was making conscious efforts to counteract the threat of his nearly dormant lisp.
His brain was drained dry of any blood, his inner mechanisms were shutting down. Even without the alcoholic filter catching words and common sense in its web, Jungkook felt himself fall into an overactive state of dumbfoundedness. Sobriety only a cataract for his emotional override.
“Our friendiversary?”
“I’m sorry, I did not understand literally anything you just said.”
“Me neither.”
The charming and familiar laugh that spilled through the speaker reminded you that Jungkook was in fact a real person. Not some figmented embodiment of every lost and unrequited and tortuous feeling you had been suppressing for twelve years. Jungkook was real, his laugh and everything else you loved about him were all so incredibly real. And more importantly, the pure joy you felt was real; a permanent serialization of his. Your smiles and his smiles had always surfaced in tandem.
Now, you both were laughing. Neither were warranted by his messy attempt at forming a coherent sentence. The weight of discomfort shedding from your shoulders had been partnered with a slew of relieved chuckles.
“Anyway, um. I- I still wanna see you on our Friendiversary. Or, at least give you your gift.” Admitting that was terrifying but the thought of breaking the consecutive streak of eleven years simply because he was too much of a coward to admit he wanted to see you dizzied him. However, the thought of spending your friendiversary alone terrified him beyond comprehension. So, he thought not about that as a possibility; he carved an opening to his heart in hope you wouldn’t send sharp thorns of rejection into it.
“Yeah, I, uh. I still wanna see you too. I mean, it is a national holiday. We gotta have holiday spirit, right?” You were forcing playful banter, it felt like lemon juice scouring cuts on your tongue, but you were so desperate to make things between you two feel normal.
“You’re right! So, um… You can come over tomorrow night. I’ll set up a surprise or whatever.” He seemed to have fallen back into stride with pre-confession Jungkook. Trying to keep up with him now would just exhaust you of all your means, so you chose to save the rest for tomorrow night. Even if that meant watching him walk away to some unforeseeable finish line; his back, the last part of him you’d see until you could finally collect your broken pieces and start walking as well.
“Sounds good! I’ll, um, see you then.”
“See you, ___.”
You had no idea, and how could you, that Jungkook was now wiping small clusters of wetness from the bed of his eyelids. Why he thought you, the one person that remained a constant in his life, would say no to him over one fight (of many) made for quite the spill of tears. But if you did know, you would have told him you felt like crying too.
"Hey! How did everything go?" You were so immersed in your virtual conversation with Jungkook you nearly forgot the person you were presently with. The train of guilt wouldn't stop for your pathetic attempts at disembarking.
"Oh! Thanks for the coffee." You sipped, and it had just been a stall to blink away the tears that were straying beyond your will of concealment. "It went good. We're still celebrating our Friendiversary."
"Friendiversary?" Seokjin's light chuckle veiled his tense concern.
"Yeah... Uh, it's just this thing we do to celebrate our friendship. The day we met."
"Oh... that's..." His eyes were scaling the rim of his mug.
"That's what, Seokjin?" You were stern, knowing well enough it was born of far more than platonic defensiveness. And you had no right to be the one prosecuting him since you clearly had more to hide than meets the eye.
"I mean, it's just interesting how dedicated you are to an anniversary with a friend." Seokjin wielded that soft-spoken voice which made it difficult to be anything but patient with him. And from the tone of it, he seemed to have no ill intentions with that statement, though it had not been an entirely innocent observation. To you, however, it felt like he might as well have set you on fire.
"Interesting? What is that supposed to even mean? I mean, we've been friends for twelve years. I- I don't know why people are always so judgmental." Your arms crossed over your chest, hoping he would take notice how much his comment slighted you. If asked, you would have insisted you would have been this worked up over any of your friends. Though you knew well enough this was untrue, and it made you feel even worse acting as though Seokjin was the one at fault here.
"I'm sorry. I'm not judging you, really. I just... I just have never heard of two friends doing something like that so religiously."
You sighed out all your anger, knowing the way you snapped at him was merely misdirected frustration. "No, I'm sorry. I know it's kinda weird."
"Look, I get it. You guys are close. But, ___, you talk about him so much that half, no, over half of your stories include him. We've been dating for, what, barely a week now, and I know more about this Jungkook guy than I know about you, and I haven't even met him."
Lips parted, ready to dispatch another slew of defenses to refute all the things he said. It was more disappointing than it was shocking to find nothing but a long sigh emerging. Because he was right. Jungkook has been interwoven so thoroughly in your last twelve years that if you only told the stories without him in it, then it would be the least accurate and nondescript retelling of your life. Fragments of an unfinished novel. It would miss the most crucial pieces, entire chapters, of your story.
You would have been presenting a shell of you, hollow and one dimensional. All the inner parts of you, the lungs and veins and tissue that gave you life and made you whole belonged solely with Jungkook.
That's why you sat there, blank faced, foolishly waiting for the words that wouldn't come to your aid because you had no place to contend with him.
"Seokjin... I'm with you..." It's all that would come up your throat, and it felt like acid. You were sure it burned his ears when he heard them more than it had your throat.
It hadn’t even been partially true. Physically you were with him, but in your head you were sitting on your couch with Jungkook, consuming a concerning amount of junk food while chatting through a movie used more as background noise than entertainment.
"Okay. Does that mean you don't have feelings for him?"
"Well..."
"Can you confidently say you could replace all the time you spend with him with time you would spend with me?" Seokjin must have noticed your returning tears because he loosened his verbal grip from your throat. To you, it sounded like he was pacifying you for some horrible sin, to anyone else it sounded as though he was simply trying to dredge up feelings that would disrupt the chance of a relationship between you and him. "___, I like you. I really do, but in all honesty, I'm looking for something serious. I think we would be great together, but only if you don't have any feelings left for him."
"Seokjin..." You regretted looking at him.
Sweetness was strewn in his eyes and gentle smile. Seokjin was softer than cotton, which made the real threat, the rough sandpaper wearing away skin and bones, you. It made it all the more painful to know you had been keeping everything you felt for Jungkook hidden from Seokjin. Though, if one would have presented an objective point of view, your feelings were far from secretive. And the most brutal honesty was that you knew feelings for Seokjin were never in your attainability. Not the way they always had been for Jungkook.
He was the wrong person who crossed paths with you at the right moment. A mere convenience. And you knew he deserved much more than what you had to offer.
"And maybe I'm being an idiot, but I like you too much to give you some ultimatum which would put you in such an unfair position. So, I'll let you think this over." His compassion felt more like a sharp blow to your chest. “No pressure.”
If he hadn’t smiled like he did, then you would have broken up with him right then and there. It was not possible to rip away such tender hope away from a smile so sweet.
"I'm sorry." You meant the remorse behind those words and it still hadn’t amounted to a proper consolation. "I'm sorry. I guess... I guess I'll go... Seokjin?”
“Yes?” He replied quickly, and you knew only a pace that rapid was one brought on by a sliver of faith that you might have made your decision right then.
“You’re a really great person. You deserve the world.”
Unfortunately, you couldn’t give him what he wanted. And as bitter and unkind as that might have felt at the moment, it was the only bit of truth and relent you could have offered him.
-----
In your bed, sleep became somewhat of an abstract desire. You knew your rest was deprived from you when the digital clock on your bedside told you it was six hours past the time you'd normally fall asleep. It was because you really did have a choice to make now.
To choose Seokjin, and know you'd collapse in the safety of his reciprocated affection, though haunted by how you would never feel the fullest extent of content. And you would live with that until resentment and distance wedged irreversible damage in your relationship.
Or, to choose Jungkook, which would catapult you into a depth so dark and tenuous that you would have no idea whether you'd meet gentle snow or hard, deadly concrete when you landed. And maybe you'd never land at all; maybe you would be caught in a state of falling down and down forever, until your beating heart eventually stilled.
Which one was worth it? Which were you willing to risk? These were the questions that kept you awake.
The hours leading to your undisclosed celebration events with Jungkook ceased being actual points of your existence and merely obstructions that you had to plow through in order to arrive at some conclusive moment. Something that might give you an answer to all your questions. Something that might have released you from devotedly checking your phone for a Jungkook patented text or call.
You were turning into a half-being. Someone who could only inhale a full breath, laugh an intentional laugh, and sleep a soundless sleep when their other half was there.
If you thought being in love with Jungkook for your entire friendship was pathetic, then you couldn’t fathom what you had become now.
Standing in front of his door, the same one you lugged him to that night he was too drunk to balance on his feet, when you willingly carried all the weight he couldn’t, when your lips became acquainted and comfortable with his within half a beat, you felt as if this chunk of wood was mocking you. A partition barricading you from Jungkook. Your Jungkook. The man you always felt you were on the outskirts of, with only a window to peer into his unreadable mind. And that was enough for you ―until now.
Now you were going to knock on that door with your hand, make him open it for you, and walk into his home. You would be the one to step foot inside of the very structure that only solicited closed doors and immovable walls and fogged windows. And you would leave behind your timidity, every feeling and urge that left you with disappointing compromises for the sake of maintaining this friendship.
You would be selfish, and he would finally feel a mere glimpse of what you have always felt for the best and worst of your life.
Even when he opened the door, arming a smile that actively disarmed you, this home of his was yours to conquer. This was your time to act for you alone, despite how many smiles he sent your way. You had not any weapons or shields or an infantry for a clutch. You just had your heart and all the love it carried.
“Hey! ___, you look… You look great.” There was no real incentive for him to censor how he truly thought you looked. Immeasurably beautiful. It was simply his own nerves impeding on the feelings that were too intense to express without it being followed by an entire soliloquy of I love you’s.
“Thanks... You too...” You could almost feel the words brimming in your and Jungkook’s mouth, carrying such raw emotions and longing intentions.
"I'm really glad that- Jungkook..." Walking into his house punctuated what you were about to say.
His living room was strewn with enough candles to steal the last of your words and to consider his house a fire hazard. That didn't negate this lovely sea of lights to be anything but romantic and thoughtful. A bit cluttered, and not at all perfect, but it must have taken Jungkook hours to set up every wax column. The thoughtfulness of this gesture would have astonished you had it not been for the consistency of Jungkook snatching your breath and words away whenever he tried. It was antithetical, the way you expected his surprises. Yet, always surprised all the same.
Unpredictable, completely surrounding you just like the rain.
"I had to turn off my fire detector but... Worth it." Jungkook considered the number of mishaps that could have dampened any chance of this being romantic.
A candle could tip over and set his entire place ablaze, the wax could leak onto his carpet and tabletops, damaging his furniture and savings for replacements, you and he could have suffocated from all the fumes steaming from the wick. But if that look on your face didn't feel like the only bit of revival to keep his heart's steady beating, if your eyes didn’t look as though it was the only set of eyes that shed beauty into this world then he wouldn't have used up exactly three lighters to pull this stunt. But it did, and he felt warmth and color return to every inch of his body.
He would have used hundreds of lighters to ignite thousands of candles if that meant an ounce of happiness from you. He wanted to say that, but he knew the candles said it for him.
The spectacle almost made you forget why you were here in the first place. It almost made you forget the resolve you managed to gather before entering. And then he said your name.
"___."
The letters flowing from his lips as if they could only be pronounced by his tongue. It sounded so good. So good, that if anyone else were to say it then it wouldn't have been your name at all. It would have sounded wrong, sullied. And it wasn't supplied by neat articulation, this new belonging of your name in his mouth. The need for him to sculpt your name into this world was more than that. "I will never forgive myself if I don't get this out while I still can."
"Jungkook, what is all this?" You didn't know why you felt a collection of tears brimming along your eyes, but you didn't care to figure it out. Perhaps you felt an influx of feelings, an abundance too heavy for your body to seal within the confines of your emotional seams, so they overflowed in the form of tears. This certainly had not been the first time you cried over Jungkook, but you had never cried over him like this.
"___, I love you!" Jungkook said loudly. It was just you and him who could hear, but it felt as though he wanted the entire world to know.
"What? I- You- What?" Your lack of verbal poise was indicative of your love for him once again taking the reins of your mind and heart. Words were a luxury you couldn't afford as of now. You just had to feel everything you were feeling until the rainstorm settled. The hope that he would spare you some remnants of fluency was far along, and you weren't too sure if what Jungkook was about to say would be gentle enough to leave you with any words at all.
"I love you. I don't know why I didn't know it sooner. Or maybe, I- Maybe I did know?" Jungkook sighed at his own ineloquence. "I'm stupid! That's it. That's my only excuse. I'm so stupid. The way I felt about you, the way I still feel about you, is something I thought all best friends had. I thought everyone felt like the moments they weren't spending with their best friends just felt like filler moments. Like, every day I spent without you was just a span of time I had to wait out until I see you again. Like every damn moment of my life is spent waiting for you. And if I don't end up with you then... then I'll never stop waiting."
"Jungkook, I-" He prevailed in surprising you, taking words and breath and thoughts all at once.
"And, I'm that stupid! I really thought all best friends had those moments when they stare at you, and- and-" Now, you weren't the only one with wet eyes and cheeks. "And I just feel like looking at you and being with you just makes me better. It makes me a better person, or something, and it makes me feel like... Like I'll never get hurt again. And even if I do get hurt, I know it's you I want to be there. I know that whenever something bad happens to you, or when you feel like crying or when you're happy or angry or anything that I want to be the one who gets to be by your side. When I look at you, all I want is to love you. To love all your pain away."
"You really mean that?"
"Yes! God, I love you." You didn't notice how it happened, but Jungkook's arms became a shield around you. Inside his arms you were indestructible. Your hands pressed against his cheeks, memorizing the plush, smooth skin. The world could hurl all the fire and ice it had, but it wouldn’t matter. "___, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I'm sorry that in that period, I hurt you. Please, forgive me. I love you, and I want to be with you."
"Of course, I forgive you. I... I can't believe this." Hearing everything you always wanted from him was drastically different when it was actually unfolding. It was a million times more than any hope or dream you used as a salve for your longing. It was everything.
"Maybe it took so long because I was afraid. Because the idea of loving you was something I wasn't ready for. Even though I did love you, God, who was I to take on something as fragile and crucial as loving you. I know I probably would have messed it up. And, fuck, maybe I'm messing it up right now. But I just needed it to be perfect. I needed loving you to be perfect because I don't want to give you anything less than that."
"You were always enough for me, Jungkook. More than enough. You were and are everything to me" His arms that pressed you further into him expressed how happy that made him.
"But I'm not perfect yet. I might mess up... A lot. No, I'll definitely mess up. I don't know if I can offer you perfect yet. But I do know that through everything I have never stopped loving you and I will never stop loving you."
"Jungkook... I don't know what to say." Your thumb grazed a falling tear from his face. Jungkook had not cried often in front of you; and you could tally up the amount of times he had on your fingers alone. But when he did, it was still as beautiful as when he was smiling or laughing or even scowling.
"You could say you love me back." You did. You loved him, his smile that was currently on a mission to melt your heart, his arms that carried both the good and bad parts of you, his wit that you always relished in. All the reasons to love him were an endless flowing river. If you were lucky enough, you would catch a glimpse of each beautiful current and be able to give name to the gravity that pulled you into him.
"I love you too, you idiot." The last word caught in your throat because your lips were being kissed instead.
His lips. Warm and exciting, allotting your being with an infinite devotion of his. And it was more than you could have ever hoped for.
It felt like fire. Like a grove of candles encapsulating the origin of heat. You and Jungkook, holding each other so close, you could have become one. Hot and all-consuming of anything in its path. If one stood too close, they would suffer scorching embers that stray from the orange pyres. Seokjin, Irene, and any other unassuming casualty that had the misfortune of stepping between the two of you, harboring the burn scars to remind them of what fumed from their interference.
Every element concocting between you and him was that of a bright flame, cremating pure metals and wet woods and thick forests alike.
You were in his home. His arms and lips and hands told you it was your home as well. All that time spent wondering why you could never slip inside before was never because he didn't want to let you in. And the thing is, you never thought to knock until now. You sat outside in a silenced hope that he would voluntarily open that door for you. But unknown to you, Jungkook seemed to be waiting as well. Waiting in a large room with empty spaces where you belonged and where he kept reserved for your residence alone.
He waited even when he wasn't quite sure of who he was waiting for, or if you would ever actually spill your warmth into his home. He waited until his fingers turned to ice and his eyes fell to exhaustion, for you to walk inside.
"So, you're like my boyfriend now?" Your voice brushed against his smiling lips.
"Yeah, your boyfriend, or whatever."
"You know this means you have to top next year's friendiversary. And I mean, all these candles? That's gonna be tough." It could have counted as sensory overload, the feeling of his palms flush against your back, the tip of his nose grazing yours, the bright array of candles illuminating the room. But you were so, incredibly cold without him that this felt like solace to you.
"When have I ever disappointed you?" Jungkook regretted what came out of his mouth too late to stop himself from saying it.
"Oh, I couldn't count the amount of times on my fingers alone! What about that time you forgot our chains for the tires on our trip to the mountains? We almost died." His eye roll only encouraged you to continue. Maybe, if you were lucky, he'd equip that cute pout whenever he wanted his way. "Or what about when you swore you brought water, but three miles in on our hike you had that look on your face. You know I reminded you to get water and you swore you did. Or what about-"
"Okay! I get it! I fuck up, jeez." He scrunched his nose, his eyes waning into crescents courtesy of that grin of his. You counted the number of wrinkles along the bridge of his nose as you always did, though you had acquired an expertise in the geography of his face. Each line and angle and ridge were now and eternally yours to restudy and marvel. "Hey, uh, almost forgot."
He reached into his front left pocket. "I, um, kept carrying it around thinking I'd see you somewhere. Kinda dumb right?"
"Not dumb." You opened the tiny box, wound the handle until the spring felt tight and you could see the throngs prick the textured wheel, and it was one of those moments where you didn't see a gift in your hand. You simply saw his thought and sentiment manifested as a box of wood that sung a tune.
All the things Jungkook wanted to give you, the sun and the moon and the entire universe were not his to give. So for now, he settled for this music box and there would be a day when he would collect each celestial being and place them right into your hands. Maybe then, he would feel less of a debt for possessing such a love like yours.
"This is... I love it. Thank you, Jungkook." You smiled, but it was motivated in the hopes he would smile back. You thought he deserved that much, at least. And he did.
"Sooooo... Can I tell Seokjin that you're actually in love with me and that he sucks ba-"
"Um, absolutely not!" As always, his crudeness and slight inability to remain mature for too long only wedged you deeper in love.
So, terribly in love. Your state of constant craving for Jeon Jungkook had been left barren. That desolate, solitary province was no longer yours to take residence in.
You had a home now. And you had no need to crave Jungkook anymore. He was right here, holding you.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
a/n: okay, cry with me.... these two.... such hopeless saps for each other i'm here for it. final destination is simp city... also (spoiler) it is completely canon that irene and seokjin bond over their mutual heartbreaks and get to smitten hehehe. anyway, my loves i hope you enjoyed this finale as much as i enjoyed writing it!!! it was a short but heartfelt journey with these two and i will miss their idiocy sm. thank u for your endless support i love u all!!! <3
#bangtanarmynet#ficswithluv#btsgoldnet#bts fanfic#bts x reader#bts angst#bts fluff#bts writing#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook bestfriend!au#jungkook angst#bts series#jungkook bestfriendstolovers!au#jungkook series#constant craving#rubycoast
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I love your writing! Can you please write a piece where y/n has been a friend of him for years (all one d years too) and she is famous as well (kinda maggie rogers vibe) they write songs together etc. After the heartbreak from Camille she is always there for him and they realise that they have always been in love with each other, a bit of angst ofc 😂 Thank you very much!! 😍😍
A/N: Thanks so much for the request and the kind messages when I was sick, @irelilien. I loved writing this. I know it’s probably not EXACTLY what you were thinking, but I hope you like it!! <3 <3 <3
Warning: ANGSTY ANGST ANGST!!!
Word Count: 3,961
Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!
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Started Off As Friends
“Will you relax, Harry?” you laugh, scooting to the edge of the office chair where you sat, reaching over and grabbing Harry’s hands away from his face to reveal his scrunched up eyebrows and dramatic frown, something he always did when he was frustrated. You took hold of his forearms as he pouted and tugged on your arms, making the wheels of your chair roll closer to him, your knees touching and his forehead falling towards your stomach.
Honestly, he could be such a baby sometimes. But as your hand instinctively plopped onto his head, running your fingers through his curls and massaging his scalp, you couldn’t help but smile. For years it had been like this; you and Harry were inseparable since the day you met. Back then he was still in One Direction and you just helped them write songs. You were one of the youngest songwriters on the team and they were impressed by it. Eventually, you began to release some of your own work, and when Harry went solo he often called on you to help with some of his songs, most of which always ended up on an album or being released.
You were there when his fame kicked off. He was there for you when you lost a family member. The two of you hardly even had so much of a fight, more like little bickers here and there. You were there through all of the One Direction drama including when you and Niall had a brief but scandalous (and absolutely not true) rumor spread that you were secretly dating and eloped, something Harry would cry laugh over whenever it was brought up. After all, if there would be any rumors of secret relationships between you and a member of One Direction, it would be with Harry. You were the closest out of all of them. You two had been through a lot in your friendship. More than most. And that included heartbreak.
You’d met practically every girlfriend he’d ever had. You knew details of his relationships that you really didn’t need to know about. And you’d been the subject of many jealous fights. But he’d always have your back. Until Camille.
Everything started great. You thought things had been going so well between them and Camille seemed to really like you. Oftentimes you’d get together just the two of you and have a girl’s night. But everything changed the night of one of your concerts. You were playing in London and the couple came to support. Throughout the night they had a lot to drink and each time you looked down things seemed to get increasingly more tense between the pair. Towards the end, it looked like a full-blown argument had ensued and they both stormed out of the arena. You assumed they were just going to talk it out and would meet you backstage afterward. You assumed Harry would fill you in on all the details later. But hours had passed and everyone had already backed up to leave. It wasn’t like Harry to just leave without saying anything. You called and texted but got no response. Not until the next day.
‘So sorry for leaving like that. We’ll talk later. -H’
But you never did. He practically ghosted you, only getting brief, cryptic texts or calls at random points in the day. The emotional circle-jerk you went through was next-level. Confusion, anger, sadness, indifference, and back to confusion. It was a never-ending cycle. You had later come to find that he only talked to you when Camille wasn’t around. And if she found out you were in communication, another argument would ensue and you’d hear about it whenever Harry called to complain. That’s all it was; a few calls and texts to whine about his relationship until the texts and calls stopped altogether. You hadn’t even seen his face for nearly seven months. For the longest time, you wanted to cry. You felt betrayed.
And finally, a month ago, after seven months of waiting, you had decided you were going to let him go and stop waiting around for him. But, when your phone rang at 11 PM that same night, your toughness crumbled to the ground. You had half a mind to yell and let it all out, or to just hang up, but you couldn’t. Not to him. Not when his heart was breaking. Instead, you invited him over. You must have drunk two whole bottles of wine by yourself, listening as Harry cried about his breakup and catching you up on all the issues they had. And you helped him through it.
For weeks he stayed with you so he didn’t have to be alone. You’d distract him with movies and games, stay up all hours of the night listening and reassuring him. You’d cry with him, laugh with him, and eventually, you’d help him channel his feelings into music. The two of you had written more songs than you can count about Camille and he finally had a sense of what he wanted his new album to sound like, picking a selection of songs on a demo and bringing it over to get your thoughts.
Listening to it brought on its own type of heartache for you. You remembered writing some of those lyrics with him. You remembered how broken you felt having to act like nothing was wrong and you were just happy to have him back. But the truth was, you were still hurt. You never did find out why he left so suddenly in the first place and coming back to you after all that time felt more like a slap in the face than anything. He knew you’d welcome him back with open arms He knew he could take advantage of your friendship because he knew how much he meant to you. Or, at least, he had an idea.
By the end of the demo, Harry looked so unsure that you were almost certain he’d start to freak out and second-guess himself. He rolled his head on your lap so that his cheek was against your thigh and groaned, “It feels like it’s missing something. Maybe I should have added ‘She’s Flames’.”
You shook your head as he sat up, “No. It’s perfect.”
“But what if-”
“No,” you cut him off, looking deeply into his eyes, “I wouldn’t change a thing. Not a single word, not a single piano key, not a single song, not even a single song order. Harry, it’s perfect.”
He relaxed his shoulders, letting his lips twitch upwards into a smile, and when he finally spoke, he took her hands in his again and said, “What would I do without you?”
You shrugged your shoulders, slipping your hands back and spinning in your chair to face your computer again, clicking away at the screen and layering instrumentals on your own music you were working on before he came over. Having a little makeshift studio in your flat helped when you couldn’t get in any time at a proper studio.
“Probably sulk at your own house instead of mine,” you mumbled, trying your best to sound like you’re joking.
“Hey, that’s not fair,” he whined, switching seats to a roller chair next to you.
You ignored him and continued to work while he talked beside you about possible release dates for his album, cover art, and which songs he wanted to have as his singles. You listened, adding your input where needed, as he carried on, grabbing your phone off the desk beside you and entering in your passcode. You didn’t mind, it was something the two of you always did. There was never any malice or reason behind it, it was just out of sheer boredom. You’d often scroll through each other’s social media dashboard or pictures. You had nothing to hide. Or, so you thought.
You became so hyperfocused on what you were doing that you almost didn’t hear it. It blended in with what you were working on so much that the sound of your voice singing from the speaker of the Harry held in his hands almost went unnoticed. But by the time you realized what he was listening to and snapped your attention to him, the damage was already done.
The knife of insight tore its way in me
A brash collision without sympathy
And maybe when the sun goes down I’ll come round, I’ll come out
Maybe we could take some time,
Unwind, figure out
When the knife of insight tore its way in me
Hit me up if you’re feeling down
Give a little, oh we’ll figure this out
Keep me up, keep my mind around
After dark, after light
Let it go if you want get loud
Make a little fuss, oh its all allowed
Beautiful how it all pours out
After dark, after light
Oh the knife of insight brought me to my knees
Broke me down and taught me how to see
And I know and I know and I know
That maybe we should take some time
Get this out, make this right
Maybe when the sun goes down I’ll come round, tell you all about
When the knife of insight brought me to my knees …..
You were at a loss for words, caught off-guard by him finding that voice note of a song you had recorded late one night three months ago. You could hear the wooshing of cars passing by in the background, remembering you recorded it on a drive to meet up with friends for dinner and didn’t want to forget the wave of creativity. Funny thing was, you completely forgot all about it.
You searched his face, hoping he didn’t understand what you were singing about But Harry wasn’t stupid. He’s worked with you long enough now to know your writing style. And with one look at the time stamp of the recording, he could tell this was written in the thick of when he had stopped seeing you.
“What’s this?” he asked softly, looking up at you.
He knew, he just wanted to hear you say it. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of an explanation, though. For weeks you had thought about what to say or how to confront him for what he did. But confrontation was never your strong suit and all the rehearsed speech had suddenly vanished from your memory.
Quickly, you grabbed your phone out of his hand and shut the music off, “Just something I was working on. Forgot it was still on there.”
He watched as your body tensed, hastily shoving your phone in your pocket. He could see right through your nonchalant attitude and he pressed again, “Is it about me?”
“Harry,” you breathed, forcing a laugh. But your refusal to look him in the eyes was your tell.
“It is, isn’t it?” His question sounded more like an answer, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“How you felt,” he turned your chair so that you were forced to face him and you looked nervously up at him through your eyelashes, his expression sincere, “Obviously you were hurt about whatever I did.”
Your mouth fell and he seemed to realize almost instantly that he had a poor choice of words. But, before either of you could say anything, Harry’s phone began to ring on the coffee table, catching both of your attention. And by a cruel coincidence, you saw that it was Camille calling him. His eyes widened and hastily silenced his phone, but the damage was done. You let out an incredulous laugh and stood up.
“It’s getting late. I think it’s time for you to leave,” you said firmly, avoiding his gaze.
You heard him stutter. He wasn’t used to you being stern with him. “What? Why? No, please, let’s talk about this.”
“Talk?” You laughed angrily, “You want to talk? Now? That’s rich coming from you! Alright, Harry, let’s talk, then,” your words were like ice and your heart pounded, finally getting the courage to look at him as you let it all out, “Ten years you’ve been one of my best friends. I’ve done so much for you. I’ve put up with a lot being your friend. All the backlash and drama and spite from your horrible girlfriends. But you always had my back Until her,” you motioned towards his phone.
His eyes fluttered, listening to you get angry. It was a side of you that rarely showed. And when your voice began to crack, he gulped.
You continued, “I was always nice to her. Always. Until one random day, she decided to hate me for no reason. And what did you do? Nothing! You ran after her like a lost puppy and avoided me for almost a year!”
“I didn’t avoid you!” Harry shot back, defensively.
“You didn’t avoid me?” you laughed in a hiss. “Harry, you dodged all of my calls and texts! I never saw you! And when we did talk, the Queen herself couldn’t know about it or you’d have another fight!”
“Don’t call her that. That’s not fair,” he pleaded.
“You want to talk about fair? The way you treated me wasn’t fair! All I was to you in those seven months was someone to complain to, but only if I was kept a secret!”
“That’s not true. Besides, it’s not like you ever complained at the time! You should have said something!”
“I shouldn’t have had to! You’ve always had my back and ended things with other girlfriends for a lot less!”
“I can’t keep ending relationships just because you don’t like them!”
“I never asked you to!” your voices were getting louder now, almost certain that if someone was passing by your open window, they’d be able to hear every word. “Never once did I ask you to break up with anyone or even hint at disliking them. You always did that on your own!”
“Because you’re my friend!” he shot back, his eyebrows furrowing and the crinkles by his eyes more prominent. Your back and forth was quicker now. Both of you speaking even faster.
“Then why did it change with her? Friends don’t treat friends as a last resort!”
“How did I treat you like a last resort? Because of a few missed calls and canceled plans? I was busy!”
“For seven months? No, you weren’t, Harry! You were a coward!”
“And you were jealous!”
“So what?” you snapped back. You could see the shock in Harry’s eyes, but you kept going, “So what if I was? It never made me treat you like dog shit on the bottom of my shoe! You ignore me for weeks at a time and when I finally get a response it’s because you’re crying about another fight you had with her and how neither of you trusts each other. Did I complain once? No. I listened. I never turned my back on you because that’s what a good friend does.”
“That’s what a good friend does? So now I’m not a food friend?” Harry scoffed, “I can’t read fucking minds, Y/N! How am I supposed to know you’re upset if you don’t tell me?”
“How am I supposed to tell you if you never answer my calls?!”
“I came back!” Harry yelled, “I’ve seen you almost every day for a month! You’ve had plenty of time!”
“Did I?” you sneered, “Harry, you were heartbroken about your breakup! What would you suppose I do? Tack on some more reasons for you to feel sorry for yourself? Cry about how you were mean and broke my heart? You didn’t need me getting after you! I recorded an idea for a song on my phone, and now you’re mad because I expressed my feelings in a song that you were never meant to hear?”
“You don’t get to decide what I can and can’t handle, Y/N!”
“You think you could have handled the added guilt?” you should back, bordering the edge of condescension, “I helped you write two albums worth of breakup songs about her, Harry! I sat here for hours a day every single day for weeks helping you write lyric after lyric explaining your love for a woman that hated me!” you were on the verge of tears now. “And here I am, the idiot helping you through it, only to find out you’re still talking to her!”
“I’m not talking to her! I called to ask if I could put something in a song!” Harry shot back, “And she didn’t hate you!”
“How can you not see it?” you breathed, wiping a tear from your cheek, “I have to watch a man I care so much about going through shitty relationship after shitty relationship. And I’m here, like always, waiting for you to wake up and see that you deserve better! You can’t even admit what you did because you’re too busy defending a girl that broke your heart!”
“I’m not defending her, Y/N! I’m sorry that I hurt you, but it’s not her fault! She didn’t hate you, she was just jealous and untrusting and she had every reason to feel that way!”
Heat rose to your face and your voice got more fierce, “I always treated her with respect! And I never gave her a reason to feel that way!”
“You didn’t, but I did!”
“What does that even mean?! Why would she hate me for something I didn’t even do? That doesn’t even make any sense, Harry! You avoided me for months and you’d argue if she found out you were talking to me, and you’re saying that it had nothing to do with me?”
“No. I mean, yes. Kind of,” he started to get flustered and began talking faster, “It was my decision, not hers. And I’m not defending her. I wanted to talk to you, Y/N, but I couldn’t!”
You were getting angrier. It felt like you were going around in circles with Harry and you were frustrated that he wouldn’t give a direct answer. “Why? You keep beating around the bush instead of just giving me a reason! What possible reason could you have for dropping a friend of ten years out of nowhere? I didn’t do anything! So, why?”
“Because I accidentally told her that I’m in love with you!” he blurted out.
His voice was loud and perturbed. But as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he might have just made a huge mistake. Harry never meant to tell you. He was perfectly happy with keeping this a secret for as long as it took to get over you.
You froze, sitting backward and raising your eyebrows, mouth ajar, “You what?”
“I didn’t mean to,” he spoke quickly, trying to justify himself, “We were drunk at your concert and, I don’t know, it just kind of came out and we started arguing. I didn’t even realize what I had said until the next morning when she was still angry.”
The memories of the night of your concert came flooding back. Images of their slowly fading happy faces turned to anger and fighting started to make sense. But what he was saying didn’t. He was in love with you? Surely he didn’t mean that. He showed no inclination of romantic feelings towards you. There had to be a misunderstanding. What he meant to say was ‘he loved you like a sister’.
When you didn’t speak, he continued to try and explain himself, hurriedly speaking again; something you hardly ever saw from him. Usually he was calm and cool, even when faced with uncomfortable situations.
“I tried to tell her I didn’t mean it and I had no clue why I said that, but she didn’t believe me. She kept saying ,‘I see the way you look at her’ and ‘Everyone knows it. I’m not stupid!’. So I just kept telling her she was crazy and started talking to you less and less to prove her wrong. But she never trusted me after that. And whenever she found out I was talking to you, it gave her more reason.”
“I-” you tried to speak, but he just kept talking, more unsettled now, “I kept trying to tell myself it was nothing. But when we broke up, the first person I thought of was you. I knew you were probably angry with me, but you helped me anyway. You were there for me like you always are. And I knew that Camille was right. It was always you. And honestly, I hated you for it.”
You recoiled, surprised as he started to get more agitated. He continued, “You were there since the start of it and you made me set this impossibly high standard for my relationships! That’s why they all failed miserably! That’s why they all hated you! Because they knew they couldn’t live up to you!”
“You’re blaming me for this?” you argued back, “I didn’t make you compare anyone to me! I didn’t even know because you were too chicken shit to say anything to me!”
“I couldn’t say anything to you! You were my best friend! I didn’t want to lose you! Those few months we didn’t talk were hell! I thought about you every day! Besides, what difference would it have made if I did tell you? You can’t honestly tell me you felt the same!”
“Stop assuming you know how I feel!”
“Well, am I wrong?!” he shot back, seething.
“Yes! You’re wrong!”
There was silence, the two of you just staring at each other, faces filled with frustration. His eyes flickered across your face, looking for some kind of sign as both of your chests rose and fell. His tongue grazed his lips, wetting them from all the yelling. And like the flash of light, both of you lunged forward at each other.
The mess of hands wildly roaming each other’s bodies and tangling in each other’s hair was dizzying. Hungrily, your tongues circled as if you were starved and the only salvation left was his breath entwined with yours. You both stood, only to be pushed backward on your desk, your keyboard slipping out from under you and crashing to the floor. You could feel your back press against your monitor as you eagerly fidgeted with the buttons on Harry’s shirt and before you could undo the last one, he had already managed to undo yours, pulling it down your arms and tossing it somewhere to the side.
Harry became impatient, finally pulling away from your lips and tanking open his shirt, making the last button pop off and roll underneath the desk. You for your first good look at each other; panting, out of breath. Half-naked, you could see every tattoo on his chest that you had always longed to kiss under the dim light of your flat and the veins in his arms bulged as he gripped onto the desk underneath your thighs. His eyes looked fierce and almost rabid as he looked you up and down. There was a moment of pause and thought. Slowly the two of you cracked a smile. And the smile turned into light laughter.
“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Harry whispered, pressing his forehead against yours and weaving his fingers through your hair just behind your ears as the warmth of his palms lay flat against your cheek.
You smiled, closing your eyes and placing your hands over top of his, breathing in his scent as you softly spoke, “Probably just as long as I’ve waited for you to do it.” And you gently pressed your lips to his once more.
------------------------------------
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Hey! This is for your 40 followers match up event, and I thought Id join it!! Plus I really like your works and stuff, so I'm really glad I found your account :)
Anyways, here's my form for this:
Fandom: My Hero Academia
Name: Aspen
Pronouns: Any (Genderfluid)
Gender preference: N/A (It's called gay PANic for a reason)
Personality: MBTI- ISFJ
- I'm an Ambivert, so I'm between an introvert and an extrovert.
- It takes me a long time to get close to people, but when I do, I basically become really loyal and attached-- its kinda hard to get rid of me, lol. I also absolutely loveee hearing about people's interests, and things they like to talk about!! I could talk to people about it for hours, If life allowed me to.
- I'm a pretty hard working individual, but I know when to not push myself, and have fun :D Plus once I have a goal, I'm pretty much set on it.
- I have a lot of compassion for other and myself as well, ig (other people have told me this)
Appearance: (Clothing isn't accurate, its basically whatever I find that cool on pinterest, and buy at thrift stores, lmao)
Likes/dislikes: Likes- Trying new foods, I like being outside as much as I like being inside, EXPLORING (Cultures, new places, whatever cool thing I can fine, which is why I like open-world games so much) talking to people with similar interests, animals. Dislikes- Loud noises, unexpected touching unless it's someone I'm close to, people crossing my boundaries, shitty people. (Not limited to this list, but that's what I could think of)
Hobbles: I'm a musician (to elaborate, I play a ton of instruments, and I write my own music), I like writing stuff (stories fanfiction I'm a gamer boi™ and a skater boy™, and I occasionally make stuff
BONUS: Love languages- Physical affection, and quality time
Welp, that's it lol I hope you can do something with this, and good luck!! Good luck, and happy belated New Years!!
- Aspen <3
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YOU GOT JIRO KYOKA
Personality: She's an ISTJ, so expressing herself, might be a little difficult, but with you around, she may have an easier time doing so, it's simple for you guys to communicate because you both won't pressure each other into a conversation.
➶︎She loves gaming, so both of you would organize gaming Fridays with Class 1-A either in your room or hers (you both would be dressed as the hosts every single time and make commentaries on the others way of gaming ("Kaminari is shit at Mario kart, i mean look at these awful moves" you would say and jiro would agree and laugh)
You would both dose off during breaks, with your shared earphone connecting you both.
➶︎She doesn't really like to go out, but you would often encourage her to sneak out of the dorms during the night to do some skate boarding
You would both play instruments together all the time, she would play the guitar while singing the song you wrote, and you would be playing the piano next to her.
➶︎She would try her best to help you achieve your goals and support you every step of the way
Small scenario: "Aspen, it's 3am I don't think we should be sneaking out, let alone awake" Kyoka whispers
"Oh come on we are going to have a blast"
She sighed, followed by a smile. You took her by her hand, having your skate board in the other. When you got to your destination, she stared at the training place that fitted perfectly for doing skate boarding as well. Without warning her, you hopped on your skate board with her in tow.
"Hold on tight"
You did not even have to tell her, because she was already grasping onto you for dear life.
A song a would give to you both:
I hope you liked ittt, don't over work yourself and stay hydrated!! <3
40 Followers Event
MASTERLIST
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The Answer
Requested by: anonymous (“Congrats on reaching over 2.5k followers! I was wondering if I could request something with Joe trying to talk the reader out of doing something stupid, but in a funny way?”)
Summary: When Valentine’s Day turns unexpectedly stressful, your favorite coworker Joe Mazzello is there to offer moral support. I may have gotten a little carried away with this one, but it’s all in the spirit of the holiday! 😂 I hope you enjoy it. 💗
Warnings: Language.
Word Count: 2.2k.
You can find all my writing here!
Oh my god, this man is about to ask me to marry him.
You are suddenly aware of every immaterial detail, because this is the sort of night you’re supposed to remember forever. This is the sort of night, the sort of story, you’ll be retelling all your life: to parents, to friends, to overly-chatty hairstylists, to coworkers, to children, to grandchildren. The music is slow, sophisticated, French. The dress you’re wearing is lavender and just a stitch too tight in the ribs. The tablecloth is white, the flowers in the centerpiece ruby-red roses. The candlelight bathes Ryan’s face in hot, flickering gold. And he’s smiling, broadly, artfully, like he knows something you don’t. Like maybe he always will.
You’re trying to follow what he’s talking about, but you can’t. It’s some meandering summation of your last two years together: meeting at your mutual friend Sarah’s New Year’s Eve party, numbers tapped into each other’s iPhones, sushi and green tea, browsing through book stores, murky movie theaters and hands entwining on shared armrests, Fourth of July picnics where you socialized gamely with one another’s extended families, kisses that started out light and fleeting in the chilly lobbies of restaurants like this one and turned into hours spent in the rustling shadows of your bedroom. And although the details sometimes evade you, the arc of Ryan’s story is clear: that the journey was perfectly linear, every piece in place, every want and ritual accounted for. That the time has come for the inevitable conclusion.
He reaches across the table to take your hands in his. The last of your beef bourguignon lays unclaimed and forgotten in its bowl. Your appetite has vanished entirely.
“Pierre,” Ryan tells the moustached waiter, grinning triumphantly. “Could you bring out dessert now, please?”
You hear your chair squeal as you bolt to your feet. Your ankles wobble as you balance on your strappy, rather painful silver heels, the ones Ryan likes so much. “I’ll be right back,” you announce. You flash him a reassuring, innocent smile. You gesture apologetically to the wine and water glasses, like it’s all their fault. The perfect fall guys. How dare they interrupt this magical evening.
Ryan suspects nothing. Or—worse, far far worse—he doesn’t care. “Sure, baby. Take your time.”
You zigzag, rather unsteadily, around the restaurant tables—all those other nameless candle-lit couples reminiscing and giggling and feeding each other spoonfuls of quivering chocolate mousse—and crash through the restroom door. There are two college-aged girls touching up their makeup, stark and bone-white under the florescent lights, and they peer quizzically over at you. You take shelter in the nearest stall and lock the door.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” You stare at the wall, waiting for a sign. There’s an artsy black-and-white picture of the Eiffel Tower hanging there. Another trivial detail to one day tell your grandchildren about. “Oh my god,” you moan again.
You root through your purse, pull out your iPhone, and find Joe Mazzello in your contacts. You’ve never called him before; you have his number solely in case of work-related emergencies. But your fingers are moving swiftly, almost autonomically; and time is rolling irrevocably forward like a freight train.
“This is clearly a pocket dial,” Joe says as soon as he answers. “There’s no way you’re thinking about me and my subpar sandwich-making abilities on Valentine’s Day.” He’s right about his sandwich skills; they’re honestly abysmal. He’s the worst employee at Quiznos. He always spills the honey mustard everywhere. You, on the other hand, take great pride in your consistently neat, uniform application of condiments. But, nevertheless, Joe is your favorite coworker. Your favorite coworker by a margin that ships could sail through like a drawbridge.
“Help,” you croak.
“Uh...?” Joe’s voice changes. He’s not exactly serious yet—you’re not really sure what a serious Joe Mazzello would even sound like—but he’s definitely apprehensive. “Are you locked in a trunk somewhere...?”
“Wait, no, sorry. I’m not being kidnapped. I’m at L’amour Vrai.”
“Oh, nice!” But he doesn’t sound that thrilled about it. “With Ryan, I’m assuming.”
“Yeah, therein lies the problem.”
Joe is confounded. “...Did he forget to bring you a massive teddy bear and a heart-shaped box of Ferrero Rocher, or...?”
“I think he’s going to ask me to marry him,” you say in a rush, breathlessly. “He’s been rambling about our relationship and being weird and sentimental all through dinner and I think dessert is going to be, like, a giant bowl of chocolate mousse with a ring hidden in the bottom or something and now I’m hiding in the bathroom.”
“And you don’t even like chocolate mousse,” Joe notes.
“That’s not really the point, but yeah, true.”
“So what are you going to do?”
You don’t have an answer. You don’t even have threads of thoughts that could be woven into words. Because no matter how seamless and fated Ryan’s story of your relationship sounds, you feel that something is missing. You’ve always felt that way. And you’ve waited—patiently, undemandingly, faithfully—for that one last piece of surety to drop out of the sky and click into place for the past seven-hundred and forty-four days. You’ve waited for indelible magnetism, for that sensation of free-falling, for love; you’ve waited until you started to suspect those things didn’t exist at all except in fiction. But sometimes, just recently, you think you might be catching glimpses of them: in how Joe sends you a clandestine smirk when a customer is agonizing over whether they want cheddar or swiss, in how he invents new combinations of fountain drinks for you to taste and rank on a highly scientific ten-point scale (Cherry Coke-Dr. Pepper is the current champion at 8.5/10), in how he complains incessantly about having to close but will wipe down the same counter fifteen times while you count the money in the register so you don’t have to lock up alone. And those transitory glimpses are enough to show you exactly what a lifetime with Ryan would mean living without.
“You don’t want to say yes,” Joe realizes quietly. “You wouldn’t be freaking out and hyperventilating in the bathroom if you did.”
“I don’t think I can say no.”
Joe snorts. “Lady, this isn’t the sixteenth century. You’re not being traded to this guy for some cows or a military alliance or a duchy in Germany. You can always say no.”
“But we’re in the middle of this fancy restaurant and he’s got the staff in on it, and everyone is going to stare when he asks me, they’ll probably start clapping and making TikToks and I’m going to look like a total bitch if I don’t say yes.”
“Well, yeah,” Joe says, a little darkly. “That was probably the plan. To put you in a position where you felt like you didn’t have a choice.” And you recall that Joe doesn’t seem to like Ryan very much, hasn’t said a single nice thing about him in the six months that have passed since Joe joined the illustrious Quiznos team.
“Maybe I should say yes and then after tonight never speak to him again.”
“You’re...gonna ghost your fiancé? You legitimately think that’s a better plan?”
“Maybe.”
“It’s only going to get harder to back out as this thing picks up momentum. The families will get involved. There will be dress fittings, venue shopping, cake tasting...oh, wait, actually, don’t back out until after the cake tasting. And invite me.”
“I could fake my own death. Or enlist in the Peace Corps. I’ve always wanted to see Mongolia.”
“But then you’d have to give up your promising career in sandwich making.”
“They might have Quiznos in Mongolia.” You sigh, defeated. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this. I’m definitely ruining your Valentine’s Day.”
“There’s not much to ruin, honestly. I’m re-watching Tiger King and eating my weight in Skittles.”
Oh, right; Joe and his girlfriend Julie broke up last week. And come to think of it, despite the fact that you don’t have any identifiable reason to feel this way, you’ve never really liked Julie either. “I’ll gladly trade you.”
“I mean, sure, I fucking love chocolate mousse. My apartment is only three blocks away. I can hurry over there and put on your dress and heels and earrings or whatever you’re wearing, but I feel like Ryan might catch on.”
You laugh, your first real, involuntary, jolting laugh of the day. “Genius. Let’s do it.”
“You can say no,” Joe tells you, seriously now. This, as it turns out, is what a serious Joe Mazzello sounds like: warm, concerned, measured, his typically frenetic energy temporarily wrangled. “If he asks you to marry him and you want to say no, you can say no.”
“Okay,” you reply, taking a deep breath, resolved.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll say no.”
“Cool.” Joe sounds pleased; proud, even.
“Alright. I’m gonna go. Thanks, Joe. Seriously. Thank you so much.”
“No problem. You can mop up my next honey mustard spill as a show of gratitude.”
“Deal,” you say with a smile, and then you hang up.
Waiting for you back at the table is the moustached waiter cheerfully playing a violin, Ryan’s luminous grin, and a glass chalice full of chocolate mousse. Jesus christ. Chocolate fucking mousse.
Ryan motions for you to take a bite. You obediently sit down, pick up your spoon with a quaking hand, dip it into the center of the chocolate mousse...and lift out a diamond ring. You unleash a gasp of horror that Ryan mistakes for—or, perhaps, is determined to believe is—elation.
Ryan plucks the ring off your spoon, wipes it clean with a red cloth napkin, and slips out of his chair to kneel at your feet. Blood is pounding frantically in your ears. Your courage has evaporated. Your legs feel numb, jellylike, boneless. How the hell are you going to walk out of here after you say no? How the hell are you going to say no at all?
Ryan is reciting some generic, Hallmark-card speech. The other restaurant patrons are beaming, clapping, already assuming your answer. Ryan asks you the question. Your trembling hand is now resting at the base of your flushed throat like a noose. Your words are ghosts.
“I...” you sputter. “I...um...”
“Go ahead,” Ryan says, nodding, smooth and undaunted. And suddenly you know that Joe was right; every single part of this was planned. Ryan turns to the crowd. “Aw, folks, give her a hand, she’s shy!”
And as they cheer and whistle encouragingly, as Ryan waits for your acquiescence, as your hope for those things you’ve only caught glimpses of begins to wither like autumn leaves, someone steps between you and Ryan and fills up the hollow, hungry space left by your silence. It’s Joe.
“No no no,” he tells Ryan. His voice is ostensibly matter-of-fact and yet formidable. “She’s not shy. She’s just trying to figure out her answer. And she doesn’t need some random strangers in a French restaurant to help her out with that.” Joe looks at you and raises his eyebrows. “Go ahead. Whenever you’re ready.”
“What the...?!” Ryan exclaims, his eyes shifting from you to Joe. The other patrons are extremely bewildered. The waiter’s violin playing screeches to a halt.
“No,” you say, your courage flooding back in, a slow smile igniting across your face.
Ryan doesn’t understand. “No...?”
“No. My answer is no. The past two years have been nice, but this is over now. I’m not right for you, Ryan. You’re not right for me either. And I think you know that. So goodbye.”
You stand, sling your purse over your shoulder, and follow Joe out of L’amour Vrai; but not before you yank off your silver high heels and leave them there on the restaurant floor. The other guests are in scandalized uproar now. Ryan is still kneeling, furious and in shock. Outside it is bitingly cold and your breath turns to fog in the night air; the chilly concrete sidewalk soothes the aching soles of your feet.
Joe is ecstatic, his eyes gleaming under the streetlights as you walk together. “That was incredible! Did you see his face?! He totally thought he was going to be able to bully you into saying yes and you were not having it, you are a beast my dear, I hope some of those people put you on TikTok, I hope you get TikTok famous for being freaking awesome, then you can get rich and buy a mansion and let me live in the pool house and I’ll never have to work or suffer another honey-mustard-related catastrophe again—”
“Joe.” You stop him abruptly, resting a palm against his chest, gazing up at him beneath the cold stars. And after a moment he understands, and he kisses you. You catch more than a glimpse of those beautiful things you’d feared might not exist. They light up like the goddamn Eiffel Tower.
“I’ve wanted that for six months,” Joe says as he pulls away, softly, shakily, smiling almost shyly.
“Yeah,” you reply. “I think I have too.”
Joe takes your face in his hands and kisses you again. He tastes like heat and harmony and laughter and Skittles; but more than all of that, he tastes like love.
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Hello my friends,
This time I want to talk about a very specific topic called the work of indipendent artists, or for short Doujinshi. O^O
╔══════❀ Disclamer ❀══════╗
I know a lot of people will be triggered by this topic and probably hate me for talking about it, but I want to break the bad cliche! Òwó
Also everything I say in this post is my opinion. You don't have to agree with me. (´•᎑•`)
╚══════❀・°•°•°•・❀══════╝
Over the time of being active in the DCMK fandom, I collected a pretty nice collection of DCMK Doujin. This is my collection.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b868cedfd20e9278954b447f2fed0e54/5b3c0db829bc4152-6b/s540x810/b0faa6f93bf3eb315ce30f53f8e23fa0c0034dc1.jpg)
Here are my Three favorites!
I have these.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a0f706cd53176767775f6c8f7a3e35f7/5b3c0db829bc4152-81/s540x810/9f69dd08fc2fb17f978a9afc686e7313865a0b90.jpg)
They look absolutely gorgeous. Not only from the outside but also on the inside. I feel like every single Doujin you will find with Makoto X Sonoko is so polished and well thought of. *w*
I have those.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d4f7f55ab545dc18af88698daa21f76d/5b3c0db829bc4152-86/s540x810/ce156a66b9edd00e238fb7b83bbdef8853e47ee9.jpg)
Those are actually old. They are from 1997 - 2002. According to some Japanese people I showed them, they are real treasures. °A°
And I have this one.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c38305ffff99ac98710c64aacd89a627/5b3c0db829bc4152-6d/s540x810/90f3300785e3ea82274ea56b4c89b67c370d2e77.jpg)
This one is essentially just a romance Doujin drawn in the style of "Otome Games". I had never seen anything like this before and I am amazed by how amazing it looks and feels to read. ♡.♡
So now that I've annoyed you with my favorite Doujin, let me tell you a bit about it. (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ˶)
The Japanese word Doujinshi can be roughly translated as "unprofessional personal magazin" and it is used to describe items that are published by an independent artists or artists groups (circle).
Doujin can range from short comics/manga, artbooks/photobooks over written stories (fiction) to magazines, videos, music and even games. So basically any items from those categories that are published by a independent artist or artist group (circle) are considered "Doujinshi" in Japan.
The main genres are Romance, Comedy/Parody, Action and Drama. At least thats what Japanese people like the most. °^°
There are two big main sections "for male" and "for female". When it comes to DCMK you will be more likely to find Doujin here in the "for female" section.
Also doujin are categorized after their main character shipping, so it's easier for people to one they would enjoy. (´•᎑•`)👍
In 2019 I had the opportunity to go to Japan and it was amazing. I went to the doujin store of "Toranoana" in Akihabara which is specialized in Doujins "for female" and it was amazing! ☆^☆
When you entered the small store the first thing you were confronted with, were all DCMK Doujin. Eight big shelfs, three tables, all full packed with DCMK Doujin and a big TV only for advertising them. 〣(๑º口º๑)〣
So yeah reading DCMK doujin as a woman is actually very mainstream in Japan. ô.ô
Most Doujin I saw in the Store were standart Romance, Comedy/Padody and Drama. Honestly there weren't much adult ones I have to say. I think it's because Japanese women don't really like that much hardcore stuff. °A°
Now on to the question "Why are there so many weird and absurd Doujin?". ÓAò
Adult stuff sells, it always has. Also its technically illegal in Japan and illegal stuff is always much sighed-for. Thats why so many indie artists that focus on content like that. Well, it's unfortunate but it can't be helped. >~<
And yeah, the easiest way to be recognized is of course making weird shit. Thats how the Internet works. °^° XD
Besides that....
Funfact of the day:
Did you knew that Gosho Aoyama did doujin before he became a professional mangaka? °^°
There isn't much information about this online, but I found one of his doujin for sale at YahooAuctions. Owo
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4ff2e2b9a77393e46f946a0022b67c31/5b3c0db829bc4152-eb/s540x810/b15872e9dd69c367583fbcf13d12b8161f56bac2.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7418707c62b9cd4c31a4a8f817f13e37/5b3c0db829bc4152-e1/s540x810/58f537eab3c7df2d09a26a4addd5962e9ea64338.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f59c160572b01899d5b718f2a89e35ea/5b3c0db829bc4152-c0/s540x810/133f19847c604ca22ea47fd4bb5f2d9edd3d5df4.jpg)
Gosho once said he doesn't like the stuff he mad in early artist days. Yeah, it may be weird, cringe and nerdy, but every artist starts like that. °^°
If you are an indie artist or you'r a person that supports them, don't let anyone tell you your weird for creating and/or liking this stuff!
This 100% acceptable and those stupid ass people have to stop thinking inside thier cliche box! ÒAó
Yes I do support indie artists! I stan that! ( ˘꒳˘ )
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WARPAINT - I.R.
WARNINGS: long fic, description of battles, blood, wounds, death, some time jumps, I had a bit of a block during this …
This was actually requested, so thank you for that! Sorry for the wait. I kind of got carried away with this. My first draft was not so long, but then I realised I kind of wanted a stronger reader and now… well this happened. Hope you enjoy!! xxx
The request: Hello! I wasn't sure if requests were open or not, but I had this idea were the reader is not a shield maiden and prefers doing other things, and shes not exactly that well-built. Maybe there's an attack on kattagat and she's one of the people who were taken? But she fights her way out and goes back to kattagat when ivar was planning a rescue mission (nobody thinks she could fight) but she can because of some reason in the past and she was forced to? I'm literally just throwing ideas.
---
“Correct me if I am wrong, but the Christians that you just defeated have invited you and your brothers – and only you three – to come to their palace to talk about peace?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelieve. “You honestly can’t believe that Ivar.”
Ivar sighed. His back was turned towards you as he tightened the straps of his gloves.
“Ivar… Do you?”
Ivar threw his head back, looking up to the sky above him. The sky was bright blue. A couple of birds flew over, following the largest one in their group to their next adventure. Behind him a couple of men sat together whispering and pointing at the exchange in front of them, wondering aloud what or who made you qualified to step up and talk to one of their leaders. “Of course not. It is not me who has turned into a fool.”
His words made you bite your lip. Merely a few hours after the army had returned victorious, a petit man dressed in beautiful red robes decorated with golden leaves had fearfully entered the camp. Stuttering and barely looking into anyone’s eyes, the man proclaimed his lord acknowledged their triumph and had asked the three leaders to come to the castle at sunset. In that way they could discuss the outcome of this victory. This lord, the prince of this dying land, clearly did not want to lose any time.
Ubbe, wanting to take this opportunity of peace, had immediately accepted the offer to which the messenger nodded and ran away, looking like a dog with its tail between his legs. Ivar had been furious and confused by his brother’s naïve decision. But he could not ignore the fact that a part of him was curious to what this prince wanted to offer in exchange for “peace”. This soil was rich, and he knew this land held unknown treasures. Its only flaw was the leadership. And so, he wanted to follow his brothers to this castle. Yet, he knew how foolish they would be if they did not bring their most trusted warriors to the castle.
“You are going no matter what I say?” The question came out as a statement. You didn’t need any answer. The silence that followed and the slight second his movements halted were enough. Slowly, he turned around. A sly grin concealed the doubts he had.
“Do I suspect some concern?”
You licked your lips, shifting your weight to one leg. “I am only worried about my place in this camp. You know they don’t like me here, Ivar. Without you, they might come up with something to get rid of me.” You said laughing airily, your head subtlety nodding in the direction of the men behind you whose eyes were still locked on you two. And although you said it with a small grin, your words held a certain truth. And he knew it too.
Ivar nodded his head. “I would like to see them try.” He whispered, narrowing his eyes.
You could hold back you laugh. Ivar pressed his lips together at the sound, hiding his smile as he watched you. And then, the mood changed. That airy, light feeling disappeared. Everything became serious, while the two of you just stared at each other.
“Be careful?” You asked him again. Your voice was small, barely audible.
Ivar looked up at you and extended his hand, mentioning you to come closer. In a few steps you stood in front of him, patiently waiting for his answer. Tenderly, he grabbed your hand. His thumb brushed over your skin, while his other hand followed the curve of your hip. His brilliant blue eyes stared right up at you. The corners of his mouth slightly curled upwards.
Ivar breathed in deeply, leading your hand to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, he pressed his lips on your hand.
With that you got his silent promise.
***
A fire crackled in the background as the sun began her descent. The dry ground felt cool against your feet. The birds chirped loudly as they flew over the camp. From behind you, you heard someone howl as his friend emptied his cup in one big gulp. The music that was played by some of Sigurd friends amused the crowd. And slowly but surely more and more people joined the drinking game going on around the fire.
The mood was light and happy. Every last man or woman that decided to come along this raid was cheerful because of the recent victory on those pathetic Christians. Ivar had used his tactics and bright mind to conceive a master plan. Ubbe had led them forward with his skills as a warrior and Hvitserk gave the men the support they needed in the middle of the fight. The army, for once, was not big in numbers, but with those three it hardly was necessary.
No one knew who came up with the idea to organize this raid. But not a single soul cared. Since Ragnar’s disappearance, those voyages had been put to a halt and many men and women longed for this opportunity. An opportunity to raid and find treasures and make their families proud. An opportunity to get access to Valhalla.
Now that the three brothers had left to negotiate, the camp had decided to feast. No one was worried for their safety. Even if they had been gone for longer than the few hours they anticipated. The road to the battlefield had been long and tiring. Who knew how far this castle lay?
A fine grin formed on your lips as the sounds filled your ears. With your back turned towards them all as you let your body sway to the rhythm of the music. With both hands you lifted your skirt up, keeping it out of the dust’s range you kicked up as your movements got bigger. The music swelled up and you closed your eyes.
Your mind had been clouded by worries and possible disastrous outcomes for the sons of Ragnar, but now for the very first time since they left, you could let go of those dark thoughts.
Getting lost in the story the tune told you, you did not notice the girl that joined your side. She had come along this raid with her mother, a gifted healer. It was clear she had inherited this knowledge, and therefore wished to accompany her mother on this voyage. Her big eyes were focused on you as she tried her best to imitate your moves. Many times, she almost tripped over her own feet.
With your eyes closed, you kept twirling and dancing to the music. Lost to the world around you and the crowd that watched with amused eyes to the show going on in front of them. Some men catcalled while others were completely obvious to the dance. As the music slowed down, you took a moment to catch your breath. Only now you noticed the people that had their gaze pointed at you.
“Is it true?”
The high voice of the young girl next to you made you snap out of your daze, looking at her with your eyebrow raised.
The young girl grinned; her eyes glimmered with mischief. “Is it true you dance for the brothers like this every evening? They say you do it for Ivar whenever he demands it.”
Her innocent question made you snort; her innocence could not stop the irritation from building up inside of you. It was not the first time someone had asked you this.
Unlike other children, who helped their parents in their line of work, you often hung around the brothers. Acting as a shadow and sneaking up on them. This continued until you came of age, and Hvitserk saw you disappear into the woods with your father. He dragged a heavy cart with him, knives, axes and ropes thrown into it, while you carried a large basket with food in it. At first it did not worry him, but when you did not return for five days, questions arose amongst the brothers. When the day of your return arrived, the men were confused, but happy to see you. Only Ivar had been reluctant, focussing more on the scars and bruises that covered your body. It was only after you had shaken your head at him and asked Sigurd to play your favourite song once again that he warmed up, trying his best to hide his smile as you danced to the music his brother played.
Many wondered why you always danced until your feet got raw. Swaying your hips and twirling around in circles until the sun set in the evening. Many thought it was the effect of plants that you were not supposed to eat or the consequence of your mysterious disappearing in the woods. You learned fast that everything that was not done by most people, was considered odd.
This could be the reason why the youngest prince let you walk beside him. He too was considered as someone odd, someone unusual. Although you were not a shieldmaiden, nor a woman with a famous background, a connection was shared.
Ivar often said to be irritated by your presence and loudly proclaimed that when he was around his brothers. He would hide his smile, only giving it when he knew no one else was around. Sometimes he would utter out a sneaky comment as you passed them, making Hvitserk snicker and Sigurd roll his eyes. Yet never would he allow another to say those out loud. The ones who dared to mock you in his presence usually ended up with a nasty cut on their forehead.
“Y/N, you’re ignoring my question.” The healer’s daughter sang out.
This time you laughed out heartily. “People believe what they want to believe. I must say that I don’t know wh-“
Your voice died as you looked to your left, where the road lay on which Ivar, Ubbe and Hvitserk had departed. Appearing at the horizon was a horse, soon followed by four others. Their riders hitting the animals to make them run faster. Squinting your eyes at the moving figures, you saw how each of them seemed to be shouting, one even raising their sword high in the air. The metal reflected some of the sunlight and made turn your head. The sight only made your heart miss a beat. Behind you, although hard to see due to the evening sun, you could make out the silhouettes of the men that slowly stepped out of the woods.
The girl beside you noticed your worried gaze and followed it to the tree line. Her cheeky smile disappeared immediately once she too noticed the men storming at your camp. All of them carrying various weapons.
The young girl screamed out, making the musicians stop playing and everyone look up. Frightened the girl ran in the direction of her mother’s tent, while you shouted out at the top of your lungs.
“Ambush!”
***
“Does he really think he can bribe us with a bit of land, now?”
Ivar’s soft but menacing words made every Christian man in the large palace room look up alarmed. They did not know what he was saying, because suddenly he had changed to his own language, but his tone had changed drastically. During this whole ordeal, the young man had not spoken much. Only asking a couple of questions on a light and airy tone. Now it seemed as if his patience had reached its end.
“Do not forget that we are in another country, Ivar”
“Ubbe, this kingdom is dying. You are the one forgetting we destroyed them on the battlefield. We should just raid and move on. Maybe we can send word to our home. To little Sigurd. He could stand in as our man here?” He grinned, “Then at least he does something useful.”
Hvitserk lowered his head as Ubbe sighed out.
The prince coughed, snapping the men out of their argument. This man, the only living member of the royal family, had been sitting on his throne uncomfortably ever since the Viking brothers had arrived. He had invited them over in hopes of finding a truce. Some form of agreement so that he and every last resident in his land could come out of this alive. But so far, none of his offers had pleased all the brothers.
“We could take the land, Ivar. The best that is out there. We can demand it from him.” Hvitserk urged, a wide grin on his face. Ubbe nodded at him, patting him on the back. The prince grinned at the interaction.
Ivar rolled his eyes. Something did not feel right. The land was theirs to take. This prince knew it too. He did not get why his brothers suddenly became too soft to continue.
Ivar’s suspicion only grew when a slim man dressed in the same red and golden robes as the messenger that directed them here entered the room. His gaze was only pointed at his lord, trying his best to avoid the heathens that he feared. Bowing for a second, the man stepped forward. He opened his mouth, but then closed it as he finally locked eyes with the three men sitting in front of him. Those heathens knew his language. Leaning forward, he quickly whispered something in the prince’s ear which made him sit up straight. The prince nodded his head at his messenger, thanking him and letting him leave.
For the first time, he stepped off his throne and walked towards the three brothers. He took a moment, nodding to himself as if he were encouraging himself to continue. “Good news, my informant just told me the council has agreed to come together and talk about this arrangement.” The prince stretched his arms out wide, a hopeful smile on his face. Ubbe and Hvitserk nodded their head at him, while Ivar looked away. “This all on the condition that you spare the people and myself and do not attempt another attack on my kingdom.”
***
Blood covered the dusty ground as the large group of men fought their way through the camp. Each of them entering the tents to drag the ones that tried to hide in them outside, claiming their most valuable belongings as their own. Laughing wickedly, each of them left the tent ravished behind them, setting them on fire once all the goods had been taken out of it. Women thrashed around in their holds as men of different ages fought bravely against the marching forces.
It became clear very early that this was a planned attack. A strategical set in a game of vengeance. The clearing had been chosen carefully by the three brothers. It was large enough so anyone who had joined this raiding party could place their tent where they wanted to. It provided a good view on any upcoming forces. And enough scouts were present in the forest, carefully placed there to warn everyone if an attack may happen.
And yet, no signal was sent. Those Christian men snuck up on the camp as if someone had opened the door for them.
As you hid in the tent, you watched with sorrowful eyes how the girl that admired you earlier sat beside her mother. Her little body shook in fear, while tears kept rolling over her rosy cheeks. In the chaos of the attack, you had pulled them with you inside a tent. Your hideout was fragile. Nothing more than a piece of cloth. But at least it was something. A place to think of a better plan.
Two shieldmaidens had followed you inside. One tried her best to look outside, while the other tried to mend her broken bow.
Outside, the screams of anguish and the shouts of war became less prominent, making you think the Christian forces were retreating or at least, that the fight was ending. The shieldmaiden at the opening of the tent seemed to share your thoughts, lifting her hand in a silent demand for the girl to calm down.
Her brows were furrowed as she slowly pushed away the material that closed your hideout. Her eyes scanned the area, but seemed not to find any enemy.
“I can’t see anyone. We cannot stay here. The girl will betray us with her cries.” She whispered out. Her eyes going from her fellow shieldmaiden to the mother.
“She is a child!” The woman whisper-shouted, pressing her whimpering daughter against her chest.
“If she is a child than why is she even here?” The other shieldmaiden snapped back. “The camp is not a sacred place free of any harm.”
The mother scowled at the woman, running her hand over her daughter’s head in a comforting way. “I’ve come along raids many times. Not once have I-“
Her angry words were silenced by the gasp her daughter lets out. Frightened for the safety of her girl, the women grabbed her tightly. But her daughter had not been harmed. Her finger shakily pointed forward as her eyes filled themselves with tears.
The shieldmaiden that was looking out the tent, lay now dead on the floor. Her throat pierced by an arrow.
“Audhilde” Her fellow shieldmaiden whispered out, her hands clenched into fists. Without thinking you jumped up, grabbing the axe the fallen shieldmaiden had taken with her.
In the moment it took you to grab the axe, a second arrow entered the tent, missing you by an inch. The feeling of the arrow zooming past your face made you choke on your breath. Looking to the left you saw two men fight with each other, one of them holding a crossbow in his hands.
Sniffing, the other shieldmaiden took a seat next to you. Her eyes were clouded by the anger rising inside of her. With harsh movements, she lined up her arrow.
“What are you playing at?” She hissed, as you held her back.
Remaining silent, you stared straight into the fiery eyes of the shieldmaiden next to you, while your hand kept pushing the bow down. The woman in front of you frowned, opening her mouth, but was silenced when you placed your finger on your lip. Slowly, you crawled backwards, pulling the woman with you to hide behind the fabric.
Nodding your head towards the small mirror that was placed on the box next to the healer and her child, you made the shieldmaiden aware of the danger right outside the tent. In the reflection you could make out a man. He walked hastily around the tent in front of your hideout, before deciding that the one on its right was the one he needed. A second soldier joined him, and together they entered the tent.
You tilted your head, frowning at their odd behaviour. As you took a better look at them, your confusion only grew. They seemed to be in a rush. As if they were the ones being hunted, as if they were struck with fear and wanted this to end as fast as possible.
The shieldmaiden next to you grew tired of waiting inside the tent. Waiting was just the same as giving up, she thought. Pushing you aside, she took a seat next to the entrance. With the tip of her arrow she carefully pulled back the material of the tent, giving herself more room to get a good look at the outside world.
“Why haven’t they burned ours yet?” You wondered out loud.
The shieldmaiden snorted, looking over her shoulder briefly. “Why should I care?”
“Look around you. They are not walking around as men that believe in their cause. Only a few seem proud to fight for their lord. We are losing this. We are being slaughtered. And still, most of them seem so scared of what may come after them…”
Your words made the woman in front of you think for a second, before she shook her head and lined up her arrow once more.
“Try to get out as fast as you can. Run to the forest. Take ‘whiny’ and her mother with you. I will take care of those fuckers outside.” She groaned, before she shot her first arrow and launched herself out of the tent.
The shake of your head went not unnoticed by the mother, who looked at you confused. Her insides boiling with anger due to the shieldmaiden abandoning her and her only child in the middles of an ambush with a woman who seemed unfit to protect them.
“Pure suicide. This is going way too fast. Attacking now that the three brothers are not here ...” You mumbled out. The words coming out fast and quiet, crumbling the little hope the woman had. Not only did that shieldmaiden leave her alone with a seemingly unfit person, but now that person was mad too. “They planned this all!”
The conclusion made you snap back to the reality around you. The frightened girl shaking in her mother’s arms, the sounds of swords clashing just outside your tent, yells of terror in the distance. You looked down, the axe lying comfortably in your hand. With a small nod to the mother you told her to get up. Quickly, she scrambled to her feet, lifting her daughter up. Her eyes immediately went to the entrance of the tent, but you held her back.
“Go out there and you’ll die.”
The words made her halt. She wanted to scream back at you, but the confident glare on your face made her bite her tongue. “Where do we go then?”
Not answering her, you stepped forward slightly, bending down to get a look of the frightening world outside the tent. Outside the shieldmaiden who had carelessly run out of her hideout was fighting against one of the soldiers. Her face was covered in the blood of her opponents. Skilfully, she kept the man at bay with a sword she had taken from the ground. But beyond her knowing, a second man slowly made his way towards them. The grin on his face was vicious. He was one of the few who enjoyed this all. Collecting all of your power to restrain yourself, you watched how he snuck up on the shieldmaiden and sliced her shoulder with his sword. Turning around before you saw her end, you tried to see if you could find another way to escape.
There was no way you could fight your way out of here. Even if you wanted to, the possibility of stepping outside this tent and be met with the same fate as that woman was too high. Nevertheless, staying in this tent was no option either.
Blinking at the weapon in your hand, an idea struck you. Without hesitation you walked straight towards the back of the tent, followed by the mother and her daughter. With brute force, your pushed away everything that kept you from reaching the fabric of the tent. A couple of boxes, the mirror, some candles, they all landed harshly on the ground. The mother watched perplexed as her daughter escaped her grip and helped you. Your lips curved upward as you looked into her eyes. Raising your eyebrows, you lifted up the axe in the air.
“We’re making us a way out of here…”
With the axe, you sliced the fabric of the tent, ripping it apart. Careful not to end up like the death shieldmaiden inside the tent, you opened the gab slowly, searching for any possible foe.
“Everything’s clear. When I say go, run. Run and do not stop until you’re deep into the woods.”
Not waiting for an answer, you walked around the tent, straight towards the boxes you carelessly threw through the tent. There had to be something in here for them to protect themselves with. The mother narrowed her eyes at your plan, the concern for her daughter made her be on edge. But her daughter nodded determined.
You smiled as you stumbled across a knife. Nodding your head at yourself, you walked up to the mother.
Her confusion did not disappear once you presented her with the knife, but without hesitation she took it from you. “How do you know all of this?”
Not containing the sinister laugh that escaped your lips, you grinned back at the mother.
“My dad wished for a son.” You muttered out, raising your eyebrows at her.
Before you could step outside to get one final look, you heard a low chuckle behind you. Turning around, your eyes widened as they made contact with the men that had attacked the shieldmaiden only a few moments ago.
“Three little birds in a cage.”
“Now!”
In a flinch the mother and her daughter ran out of the tent. The young girl screamed and cried while she held the hand of her mother, her tearful eyes glued on you until she disappeared out of your sight.
The man grunted, irritated by their escape. However, he still had one little bird left. Slowly, as a fox sneaking up on his prey, he walked towards you. Confident in his skills. You licked your lips. Chuckling, the man took a step forward, the sword in his hand raised high above his head. Without thinking, you ducked underneath his swing, sidestepping to avoid him completely. With all the power you could muster up, you sliced the axe across his back. The man hollered, pressing his hand against the wound. As he took sight of the blood on his hand the man simply laughed at you, muttering under his breath. There was no sign that this man was one of those weak one-God lovers Ivar used to tell you about.
The man’s eyes had become very dark. And with a load roar he ran towards you, making you duck to avoid his dangerous move. The man, not expecting this, could not hold himself back and thrashed through the tent and the opening you just made, falling down on his face as he flew through the gab. Not wasting the moment, you ran after him, pushing him down with your foot and hitting him with the stump side of your axe so you could knock him out. As fierce as you may be now, a shieldmaiden was not what you were at heart.
“Heathen!”
The word made your blood run cold. A couple of men had spotted you. Running towards you at full speed, their swords raised high in the air. Turning around and deciding that your time acting as a hero was over, you tried to make a run for it, sprinting to the trees.
With each step the tree line came closer. And with that, your freedom. An escape from the terrible fate of being captured by the enemy. Behind you, tents were still burning. Christian soldiers and Viking warriors lay dead on the bloody floor. Those that had started their escape too late either trashing in the hold of those Christians or hiding in the few tents that were still untouched.
Another step. The trees were so close. Two men ran in front of you. Both carrying their wounded friend, trying their best to get him to safety. Grunting as they carried him forward, completely ignoring his pleas to leave him behind.
Another step. With a quick look behind your shoulder, you noticed that those Christian soldiers had stopped following you. Instead, there was only one remaining. Standing lonesome, next to a tent that was lightened on fire. Not slowing down, you kept running.
And then.
Pain.
A sharp cry passed your lips as the piercing, throbbing pain in your shoulder knocked you off your feet. Falling down on your stomach, you tried your best to look at your right shoulder, where an arrow had pierced your flesh. Moving felt almost impossible, the pain keeping you down on the ground. Leaving you vulnerable. An easy prey for the Christian soldier that walked up to you, grinning wickedly while playing with the bow in his hand.
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Thank you for reading xxx
Tags: @fairyofvoid
#vikings#vikings imagine#ivar the boneless#ivar the boneless x reader#ivar the boneless imagines#ivar the boneless imagine#ivar imagines#ivar x reader#ivar ragnarsson#ivar the boneless fic#first request
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