#this feels too much like a sunshine and rainbows ending to be believable lmao

[seokjins-wings]

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

I've been rewatching all the Loki content to get ready for the new show and I have thought of A Phineas and Ferb AU™ for your viewing pleasure (and if anyone wants to turn any part of this into an actual fanfic I would owe you my life)

this post was brought to you in partnership with @dumbausfromdanville

You know how the first Thor movie ends with Loki yeeting himself off the Bifrost and falling to earth? What if, instead of going after the Tesseract, he falls straight to the Tri-State area?

Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all seemed to be on vacation, right? So Thor presumably took place during the summer — say, perhaps, ending on June 3? So he falls right onto Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster just before it goes down that ♫ three-mile drop straight down ♪. He has no idea wtf is happening so it's not like he gets the chance to sit down and put on a seatbelt, so he's stuck holding on for dear life for the entire rollercoaster ride which Phineas and Ferb find weird but they're not really concerned bc they're chill lil dudes and tbh this isn't too far off a normal day for them.

Phineas and Loki strike up a none-too-pleasant conversation (not that Phineas notices Loki's bad mood; he's too Him to realize not everyone is rainbows and sunshine all day, every day), and our favorite lil disoriented demigod has to figure out where the fuck he is now ("You there. What realm is this?" "Danville 🙂" "Wut da fuk?") and what the fuck he's supposed to do now that he's here.

Phineas ends up inviting him to hang out for the afternoon, and Loki is about to turn him down but then he smells the pie. He's never had doonkleberry pie before so obviously he has to try it. Then, when Loki's no longer hangry, they can hold an actual conversation. It's lowkey more Loki wallowing in his own self-pity than anything else, but Ferb recognizes Asgard when Loki mentions it so he and Phineas piece together that he's a god pretty quickly.

More importantly, though, they figure out that he's completely alone, and because Loki never mentions trying to, you know, murder his brother and lowkey overthrow the monarchy, they just kinda assume Loki's family sucks (Ferb is completely prepared to start the anti-Thor club but Phineas stops him because he doesn't want his brother to get struck by lightning) and adopt him (without his consent, but it's not like he has anywhere else to be -- and he did like that pie).

Loki has no desire to build anything with the boys He thinks the idea of a backyard beach they make the next morning is stupid — even more stupid than a regular beach, and that's saying something. But over time, he gets more involved -- not just with the boys, but with the entire family. He helps the boys build their inventions. He talks about human history with Lawrence and corrects much of his knowledge on mythology. He lets Linda teach him how to bake seriously, her pies are so good. He even suffers through Candace's mall trips as long as he gets to go to that fro-yo place on the second floor (though he draws the line at any conversation involving romance).

He's still a little skeptical of the platypus (and he feels like the platypus is a little skeptical of him, too) but Phineas insists that he's "just a platypus" and he "doesn't do much." Loki doesn't realize that Perry's keeping an eye on him for OWCA, nor does he know that Monogram has absolutely no idea what to make of the dude so he hasn't actually told any of his superiors about him. As far as the government is concerned, after the fiasco in New Mexico, Loki just disappeared.

This makes it fucking hilarious when the boys accidentally steal the superheroes' powers in Mission: Marvel and the superheroes show up at the Flynn-Fletchers' front door only to see fucking Loki. Loki just shuts the door in their faces without a word because what the fuck?, but eventually Phineas and Ferb go check the door and they agree to help the heroes (much to Loki's chagrin), which, of course, isn't complete with Candace fangirling over them (also much to Loki's chagrin; she never fangirled over him). At first the Avengers are fully convinced that Loki is responsible for stealing their powers, and Loki never actually denies it because he's a little shit but Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are very insistent that Loki didn't do anything (except a little bit of manual labor putting together the satellites because they're 10 and he's a whole-ass demigod).

At some point, Thor and Loki have a very heated discussion about the events of Thor, and it's pretty much all news to the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends. They're not really sure what to make of it so they basically glue their mouths shut and watch it all play out. I'd like to think it goes something like it does in The Avengers and that a) Thor is pissed because what the fuck have you been up to Loki you fucking dumbass, b) Thor has been in mourning since Loki yeeted himself into the abyss and he wants to make sure the guy knows it, and c) Loki does not take it seriously at all he's being antagonistic the entire time because he is so sick of Mr. High-And-Mighty's shit. In the end, Loki storms out of the SHEDquarters and Phineas doesn't even think to try to stop him until he's halfway out the door and it's too late.

He shows up again when Phineas, Ferb, and the Avengers try to fight the bad guys in the mall with the wrong powers and he basically singlehandedly saves their asses until superhero Perry shows up. As everyone's favorite shapeshifter, he has absolutely no problem figuring out that this beaver duck dude is the Flynn-Fletchers' platypus. He has no idea what to do with that information, but it sure is information that he now has apparently. (At this point, poor Loki has a very warped sense of what earth is supposed to be like lmao).

Phineas tries to get Loki to come back with them after superhero Perry grabs them and carries them home. Instead, Loki cuts himself loose and falls like 30 feet straight down (and tbh after falling from the Bifrost, that's nothing to him) and peaces the fuck out.

Loki ends up accidentally bonding with Candace and Isabella over feeling useless and unwanted (and he absolutely gets his own verse in Only Trying to Help because it's what he deserves), but unlike the two girls who are hell-bent on changing that, Loki is content wallowing in his own self-pity. He's tried this whole "being important" thing before and he ended up in self-exile for it. He's not putting himself through it again because he really doesn't expect it to end well. But then the powerless heroes decide to face the villains again, and with Candace and Isabella in space and Perry nowhere to be seen, he realizes it is once again up to him to keep the tri-state area safe (which he knows is a stupid priority but he's gotten kind of attached to these stupid little humans and he wants to keep them safe).

Then the heroes get their powers back and they join Loki (and Perry and the mysterious waffle gun in the sky) and beat the shit out of the villains. Thor and Loki work together in the heat of the battle which serves as a Great Bonding Moment™, and once the villains are gone, they have a nice lil heart-to-heart where they both apologize for their past. Thor remarks that Loki seems to have grown a lot over the last couple of months and tries to bring Loki home with him, but Loki refuses. He'll never be welcome back into Asgard, no matter what Thor may say.

But he is welcome with the Flynn-Fletchers, who are completely over the fact that he tried to ruin Thor's life and take his not-so-rightful place on the throne (except Candace who's very skeptical about having him back but it's not like Linda will believe her if she tries to tell her what Thor and Loki talked about so her opinion is unfortunately as irrelevant as it usually is on the show).

And early the next morning, before anyone else is awake, Perry gets an alert that he's needed in his headquarters (presumably to talk to or about Fury). He quietly sneaks off, only to find Loki waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him. They have a very nice "conversation" (not that Perry speaks) about the superhero Ducky Momo they saw the day before, and Loki assures him that his secret is safe, thus starting a much-needed bromance between Loki and Perry because it's what my babies, goddammit!

Anyways yeah if anyone wants to write a fanfic about Loki hanging out with Phineas and Ferb during his self-exile I would give you a socially distant high-five because I want to read it but I have too many other fanfics on my plate to start this one for at least a few months. It doesn't have to follow this prompt literally at all (I swear I wasn't trying to get this in-depth with it but this is what I do apparently) or it can follow this prompt exactly idc i just want a PnF/Loki fanfic 🥺

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I kinda think if John had survived we wouldnt have gotten mclennon happily ever after like some people think. The relationship was mending and in a good place but their was still a lot of work to be done. Also just say they really were ex lovers I dont think John leaving Yoko would mean they'd get back together Paul seemed pretty content with family life. I think Paul might have wanted John back after Linda passed bc Paul needs a partner but John wouldnt have liked that, being 2nd pick.

(Re: this post)

Yeah, I mean, I do agree that it wouldn’t have just been: John divorces Yoko, then just sunshine and rainbows between John and Paul for the rest of eternity - because John and Paul already had a lot of issues between them, even before Yoko’s entry. And most of these issues were stemming from John, I feel at least, and his apparent mental health complications. Paul im sure has issues too (his mothers death had to have affected him deeply), but I don’t think that they were to such a degree that they would have been the core source of wreckage within John and Pauls relationship. To me it seems that John was clearly the one who pushed Paul away.

I do recognise though that if John had lived, his and Pauls relationship would still be with its many complications, and it would have probably taken years of trial and error for them to really reconnect and get to point of stability between the two. But my point is not so much that they would have had absolutely no issues once he divorced Yoko (because that is simply unrealistic), but it is more so that I think John in the late 70s and early 80s seemed to be headed towards a period of more mental and emotional stability. And if this had continued, and he’d taken further steps through divorcing Yoko, re-connecting with Julian and, in my opinion what would be the most crucial factor here: going to therapy, and really gaining an understanding of the roots of his issues, and learning techniques that he can utilise to react in a proper fashion to life’s obstacles - I think that these factors would have been steps that would have all been relative to him and Paul reestablishing a good relationship.

But, like I said, though I imagine it would have been years of on and off arguments between the two, I do think that they eventually would have gotten to be in a good place within their relationship. And who knows - maybe if John had fully addressed his sexuality, he might have talked to Paul about his feelings towards him, and they could have had an in depth discussion about it that ultimately brought them closer together.

When I was discussing what John in the 80s might have looked like, I was basing my speculation off of the belief that J&P never had an actual, physical relationship - so when I talked about them reuniting, I didn’t mean it in a romantic sense. But assuming they did have a physical relationship, that would of course make re-connecting a lot more different. Linda would probably be an issue for John I imagine, and realistically I don’t think Paul would have ever wanted to have left Linda for John, partly because he’s a family man, partly because I believe he truly loved Linda, and partly because I think he recognised that him and Linda were far more compatible partners then him and John. But if John were to have an undergone therapy, and gained some proper insight and understanding, and overall just became a more empathetic human being (not that he was apathetic necessarily, but I feel he wasn’t always the most empathetic person either), I think he could have re-established a friendship with Paul, with Linda still in the picture - and then once she passed, who knows, maybe they would have ended up together. I think it probably would have been a good time for them really, because assuming John had undergone therapy and sorted out most of his problems, it would have allowed Paul to be the vulnerable one within the relationship - which I feel is something they sort of needed. I can imagine them growing old together, because if they were a couple during the 60s, then I think there was certainly too much pressure placed on them at the time, as well as John already having pre-existing issues, for them to have worked out during that period. But a 60-something-year-old J&P, I can see that working out :)

Then again, as @a-queen-of-the-clouds once said, John and Paul would probably have just been fighting and making up every 5 years like Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham lmao

[butwhatifidothis]

3H and Bleach: Where the Fuck am I

So, I’m finally hunkering down and trying to write out this post lmao. I’ve mentioned here and there how my personal experience with the 3H’s fandom is similar to my experience with the Bleach fandom’s in more than one way, and - look. Like, I get there’s definitely a semi-universal thing that goes on across all fandoms. I don’t mean for this to say that this only happens within these two fandoms, because duh, of course they don’t. But!! This post is partly me wanting to air years long annoyance towards the Bleach fandom that just so happens to coincide with my feelings towards the 3H fandom, sooo... yeah lmao

I’ll probably be skimming over some bits about 3H, since most people who come across this will already be familiar with what I’d be talking about in that regard vs Bleach, so just a heads up

Note: This is gonna talk about Bleach which will spoiler territory (writing this off the cuff so not sure where this is goin’ yet lmao but I know that much), so if you don’t wanna see that then don’t read this post lol, I know for sure I’ll be spoiling something ahhhh... noticeable, lol

Ableism against the mentally ill

Now, most people reading this post will be familiar with the blog and how this very, very much applies to 3H, but for the sake of this post I’ll lay it out anyway with a brief summary

Dimitri and Rhea are both characters within 3H that suffer from severe trauma that heavily impacts their mental state. Both are the sole survivors of a horrific slaughter, with that slaughter redefining who they are and leaving a permanent marker within their minds in some way (Dimitri with having auditory and visual hallucinations, Rhea with having obsessive tendencies towards bringing her mother back from the dead). Specifically in CF, both characters are set up in the plot as antagonists, with both characters having to relive their trauma in some way due to the actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them (for Dimitri, having his home be razed to the ground and everyone he cares for dying around him, for Rhea having someone use her mother’s mutilated remains be used to end her and her race) and express extreme anger towards Byleth and Edelgard before they are killed to progress/end the story

Now, uh, sad shit right? Not exactly fuckin’ happy sunshine rainbows. These two characters are put through the wringer and are then murdered. They are rightfully not the fuckin’ happiest because of what happened to them before and what happens to them within the present story. But we’ve heard it all before: “They were crazy!” “They couldn’t be reasoned with!” “They had to be put down out of mercy because they were too ~far gone~ to live happily!” “They needed to be killed for the good of everyone!” It’s an extremely ableist rhetoric that gets passed around the fandom as though it’s totally fine to directly state that mentally ill people should be put down if they’re deemed a “lost cause.” Especially worrying because. You know. If they are a “”””lost cause”””” then it’s directly and specifically because of actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them. 

But how does this remind me of Bleach? What kind of similar extreme, worrying ableism exists there? Well, let me introduce to best girl a certain character with... a reputation, to say the least:

Meet Momo Hinamori.

Holy shit it’s so weird writing this out because I’ve been wanting to for years but have never worked up the nerve to do it lol

It should be noted, in the Bleach verse there’s two worlds out of three - Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, though I’ll only be talking of the former - that deal with “souls” (the essence within a living human). Souls age far more slowly than human bodies do in terms of body, not necessarily the mind (so a teenage soul will likely behave as such for a long while) so keep in mind that I’m going to be using numbers that may seem weird to someone who hasn’t seen Bleach lol.  With that out of the way, here’s a similar, if longer for context to those who haven’t seen Bleach, summary for Momo’s character as it relevant to this post:

Momo is a character in Bleach that grows a deep admiration towards Sosuke Aizen, a respected captain of the military force called the Gotei 13. She comes to views him as the most important person in her world due to him both noticing and paying direct attention to her as well as saving her and her friends’ lives during a training mission gone wrong while she was younger. Note that “younger” here means 40 years ago from the start of the story. Aizen would praise her all the time, allow her to sleep over in his quarters, would drape his cloaks over her when she looked cold, and would overall treat Momo as though he was his daughter for most of the time we see them interact in the beginning portions of the show. Note that none of this is sexual in nature, nor is it ever implied to be seen as such. That’ll be important later in this post

To make a long story short, Aizen comes to betray her. He stabs her through the chest and shows and tells her that she never meant anything to him, throughout the 40 years they’ve known each other (which, mind, for a soul Momo’s approximate age 40 years is still a noticeable amount of time), and he was only using her to help bolster his image as a loveable captain so that he can hide his plan from everybody that much easier. He did horrible things to Momo - from setting her alarm clock back to a later time so that she would more likely come across his pinned, bloody fake corpse. to framing her childhood friend for the apparent murder and tricking her into fighting that friend, to far later in the series tricking that friend into stabbing her (hypnosis shit, to sum that up) for literally no stated reason - that ended up mentally breaking her. She couldn’t believe that the last four decades were all nothing but lies and she fell into a deep denial about Aizen’s true nature - someone else made him do everything he did, she must have missed something that would have warned her about Captain Aizen’s unfortunate situation that forced Captain Aizen to hurt her and everyone else. This denial would take the majority of Bleach’s entire runtime for her to get over completely, with her having hiccups in her recovery even as she works up the nerve to fight him.

Now, uh, also not the fuckin’ funnest of times to be had here. The deep, long-running mental and psychological manipulation of what approximates as a teenage girl from a trusted older figure is something that is very clearly horrific and bad of the older figure, right? Like, we’re on the same page here on that?

This wouldn’t be in this post if that was the case. No, Momo was the one constantly on fire for what happened to her. She was one of the most hated characters in the western audience, and there were endless jokes about “lol look at Momo, the pincushion!” “Crazy bitch Momo, better watch out!” making fun of her and her trauma relentlessly. If you managed to find a Momo fan in the early 2000′s you should have also bought a lotto ticket because holy fuck, everyone hated her. She acted in a startlingly real if deeply uncomfortable way in regards to years long manipulation and she was lambasted for it. She didn’t immediately get over decades long psychological abuse and she was called useless, weak, a horrible representation of female characters, stupid - you name it, she was likely called it. To this day I still tense up when I hear that someone likes Bleach and they mention Momo at all because I’m always thinking “does this person think this abuse victim is dumb for being abused?”

Dimitri, Rhea, and Momo are all victim-blamed to a disgusting degree in the 3H and Bleach fandoms. Dimitri and Rhea are always hit with “well if Dimitri hadn’t have fought back against Edelgard/Rhea caused the “”tyranical systems” in the first place, nothing would have happened to them!” and Momo was constantly hit with” well, it’s not Aizen’s fault Momo was so clingy to him, what could he have done!” and I get so fuckin’ mad dude.

But for Dimitri and Momo specifically, there’s one thing in particular that caught my attention:

The “Rejection Theories”

This had my head spinnin’ a bit when I first heard it, cuz I had managed to avoid the theory for a while in the 3H’s fandom, but apparently a sizeable amount of people seem to believe that Dimitri wasn’t just mad at Edelgard in the Holy Tomb because of... you know *waves hand* fuckin’ everything, but that the primary reason for his anger was that Edelgard... rejected his advances to her? And that the dagger he gave to her when they were 13 was a phallic symbol of baby Mitri’s want to have sex with Edelgard? And. Like. What in the fuck are you talking about. 

But like?? Bleach did this shit too with Momo?? It was also a sizeable amount of people - not everyone, but a noticeable amount - that believed that Momo was just mad that Aizen wouldn’t sleep with her? You’d see it pop up in fics so often, that Momo would want Aizen to fuck her and she’d “go crazy” when he denied her and Momo was actually just this shallow bitch who wanted a good fuck like... what.

Like, when I first heard the Phallic Dagger take the first thing that came to mind is “wait Momo was also accused of just wanting to have sex with the person who traumatized her wtf” 

“Actually it was the perpetrators that should be forgiven because lonely and also some shit about ruling better”

Those in the 3H fandom know how often the “Edelgard was lonely!” line gets thrown by just about every one of her stans. Edelgard was lonely and couldn’t trust anyone, so of course she did what she did! If she had someone near her she could trust she wouldn’t have acted like she does in the rest of the game! Nevermind that she “gets” this in CF in the form of Byleth and still acts just as shittily as she does in the other routes, or how being a little lonely doesn’t fuckin’ mean you get to start war. But anyway, we also hear that Edelgard was justified in doing what she did because her ruling Fodlan would have lead to more peace in the end, once she got rid of the power structures in place now (except that doesn’t happen but whatev I guess lmao)

Aizen? He was lonely too! He was far too strong for anyone to truly be able to understand him, and so he tragically fell down a dark path. If he had known someone who could be considered an equal to him he would have never done all the horrible things he did. And the Soul Society is unjust! It needs to be reformed! So him slaughtering hundreds of thousands of souls at the minimum to harvest all of their power to use as his own is justified because it’ll be used to create a more just society under his rule!

Like. Y’all. Lowkey? I’m so fuckin’ glad Edelgard proved herself to be just as fuckin’ awful with Byleth as without because this shit drove me up the fuckin’ wall back in the day. There was 0 ways to prove that Aizen would damn sure be just as fuckin’ bad if he had an “”equal”” to stand by him than if he didn’t, and I get to kinda be right because without fundamentally changing these characters’ backstories they would not give two flying shits about whether or not they had someone “equal to them” (which is still kinda degrading to think about anyway).

Now, this is where I move away to a different topic lol

A split in the narrative cause divides in the fandom

With 3H houses this is really fuckin’ easy to point at: there’s 4 routes, three consistent stories and one radically different story, and that difference in story causes heavy contention within the fandom. It’s very obvious so I won’t go over it much.

But how in the fuck is there a divide in Bleach? It’s not a fuckin’ Choose Your Own Adventure manga, it’s an anime and manga showing off the characters of Bleach’s stories and interactions (with, you know, plot and shit thrown in).

Well. It’s more accurate to say the anime told a story about the characters, and the manga told... the story about the characters.

In terms of plot, the anime didn’t change much from the manga, but hoo fuckin’ boy, did they change shit about some of the characters. Specifically, they changed a shit ton about three characters: the two main protagonists, Ichigo and Rukia, and another main character, Orihime.

Orihime. Got. Fucked.

The anime would make her far more ditzy and clumsy, her crush (turned growing love later on in the story) for Ichigo during more deeper moments that showcases her feelings for him were downplayed if not removed entirely in exchange for talking or thinking about food, key moments she has with Ichigo early in the manga were cut or deadass changed to something else in the anime, some key moments with her relationship with Rukia were cut, her backstory was watered down - so much of Orihime was fucked with in the anime (her fuckin’ introduction was changed drastically). Meanwhile Ichigo and Rukia were given moments that didn’t exist in the manga, they have filler arcs (remember those lmao) that would be stuffed with shit ton of moments for them that have no basis in the manga, other characters would change their behavior from the manga to reflect a sort of “thing” going on between Ichigo and Rukia.

Look, guys, the anime fucked up so bad the fucking mangaka, Tite Kubo, has said he gets stomach aches watching the early anime because it was that awful. And this divide between the anime and manga’s portrayal of these three character helped spawn the ship war of Bleach: Ichiruki vs Ichihime (oh but more on that in a bit). It tanked Orihime’s popularity because people thought she was the stupid dumbass that would stumble ass first into situations when that wasn’t her character at all. And because the majority of anime watchers only watch the anime... yeah, you can see where this went. So just like in 3H in Bleach you have these radically different tellings of the same characters that drove a big-ass wedge in the fandom

Marketing

Imma be transparent, like I’ve said before I managed to avoid nearly every marketing tactic for 3H so it’s a tad hard for me to speak personally, but from what I’ve been told Edelgard was heavily marketed towards the player base pre-release. She was the poster child of 3H, she got the figma, she was in the spotlight - unless you cleansed your board of 3H content you knew exactly who she was. On top of that, it doesn’t stop in-game - loading screen messages would assume you picked BE, Adrestia is the first option to pick when you want to impress one of the lords in the prologue, the BE class is the first option to pick in choosing which route to play, every character has some moment in the game post ts where they express sympathy with the woman who waged war on them for five years (even characters with no business doing so, like Seteth entertaining the idea that maybe Edelgard isn’t that bad during Myrddin). With all of that good PR for Edelgard in and out of the game it heavily impacted how people saw her, and much of it is used by stans to justify her being a good guy (mostly in the game marketing) despite everything else in the game clearly showing that Edelgard is the bad guy

With Bleach in that regard... you have Ichiruki

holy shit it’s so weird talking about Ichiruki i’m still lowkey nervous about talking about them lmao

With Ichiruki stans, they would cling onto outside material that promoted Ichigo and Rukia together as proof that their ship was going to be canon. Spreadsheets, calendars, poems (some of which didn’t even apply to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship but they insisted they did anyway), novels - outside material that either wasn’t canon or didn’t pertain to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. They would shove it in the face of Ichihime shippers that “see, we have all this stuff for us! We ain’t starving tonight!” when the canon (note: in the manga particularly) would clearly show Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship being the one that leans romantic in multiple significant ways. They would latch onto irrelevant shit that ain’t had nothin’ to do with anything and wave around as a paragon of romance when it literally wasn’t even canon

Just fuckin’ ignoring the creators deadass

Creators and developers of 3H: Edelgard is the typical Red Emperor the only difference is Girl

Stans: that’s just a headcanon

Kubo: Ichigo and Rukia have a platonic relationship and I’ve publicly said this since 2008

Stans, now, to this day: Ichigo and Rukia were robbed

Making people reject what they’re stanning for

I’ve seen a few people express that the more they interact with the fandom and see what her stans are doing, the more they grow to dislike Edelgard despite (some) initially liking or even loving her. To put it simply, the same thing happened with Ichiruki - hell, this happened with me with Ichiruki. I can’t fuckin’ stand the ship anymore because every time I think about it I’m reminded of the absolutely rancid, disgusting things Ichiruki stans have to done to others in the fandom, and even after nearly five years after Bleach has ended I still tense up when someone says they like Ichiruki over Ichihime precisely because of the behavior of the stans, just like I side-eye people who say Edelgard is the best lord. Do they like them because they simply prefer them over the other(s) and they’re not totally fuckin’ bonkers, or are they totally fuckin’ bonkers. 

And, like, that’s not fair! I know that! But I can’t help but think that when such a loud amount of people act in such deplorable ways just because someone didn’t like a bunch of lines on paper/pixels on a screen.

To all the nice Ichiruki and Edelgard fans, hope y’all are havin’ a nice day.

Long, crazy ass explanations as to why X =/= X (and if anything actually means Y)

Teacher theory for 3H. How Edelgard totally didn’t hire Kostas to kill Dimitri and Claude and was only thwarted because Claude booked it, but how she definitely actually meant to simply scare away the teacher that was with them so that Jeritza could be pulled from his already existing position in Garreg Mach to teach one class so that Edelgard can kinda keep a sorta closer eye on exactly one of the other classes (and just do shit all about the other one I guess), because Jertiza’d be able to gleam so much from teaching a class for a few hours a day I promise 

But for Bleach, you also have one particularly infamous theory positing shit that don’t real, with enough renown to be known by a specific name, and that’s the Lust Arc = Fail essay

To explain what the essay is about, I have to set the scene up a bit. Imagine, you, with your tiny little monkey brain, are watching Bleach, and you get to the part where Main Boyo is fighting against Villain to save Girly. Other Guy is there too - this is important. Main Boyo tries his hardest to fight Villain, but is ultimately shot through the fucking chest with a laser from Villain and dies. Like, for bit actually dies. Girly breaks down, has a straight up mental breakdown because she always “knew” that Main Boyo could do anything, and now he’s been killed and is dead in front of her. She screams out Main Boyo’s name, hysterically begging him to save her and protect her because holy shit the love of her life has been brutally murdered in front of her what the fuck. But Main Boyo, from literally beyond the line of death, hears her pleas and snaps back to life as a monster, with the sentence “I MUST PROTECT” repeatedly running through his head and being the only sentence he ever says while in this form, with him fucking destroying Villain and even going so far as to directly hurt Other Guy when Other Guy tries to stop Main Boyo from utterly stomping on Villain. Girly is the only person Main Boyo does not directly hurt, and when Villain is damn sure gonna fuckin’ kick the bucket that is when Main Boyo reverts back human. Everyone is more than a little shocked at what happened, but it’s clear from how relieved Girly is when Main Boyo comes back safe and sound that while this event fundamentally will change their relationship (and it does), it is still one that is extremely strong and they won’t let it get between them (and they don’t).

Now, when looking at the summary, you, with your absolutely miniscule peanut of a brain, might come away thinking, “Hm, Main Boyo might kinda care for Girly given that he literally rose from the dead to protect her and only her and went back to normal once she was safe” and you poor fool would be oh so wrong, because actually, this is all proof that Mian Boyo doesn’t care for Girly and that Villain actually cared more for Girly than Main Boyo ever could.

Without diving too deeply into the absolute lunacy of the Lust Arc = Fail essay, that was its main premise. That Ichigo, after rising from the literal dead directly after Orihime begged and pleaded that he protect and save her and then going on to protect and save specifically her (as Uryu - Other Guy - is also a friend of Ichigo’s and got his fucking arm cut off by Monster!Ichigo), is proof against Ichihime being romantic in any way and was not, in fact, a fuckin’ giant neon flashing sign that read THESE TWO ARE GONNA GET TOGETHER. It was the dumbest shit ever, but Ichiruki stans, much like Edelstans with Teacher Theory, clung to it like white on rice. It didn’t matter how much it was utterly debunked, it didn’t matter how the base premise was stupid as fuck, they point to it as the pinnacle of meta for their respective fandoms in their respective spaces.

And all of this leads me to um... the one I’m kinda the most worried about?

Stan Behavior

Edelstans are their own unique brand of awful in that that the shit they spew is particularly... worrying (”genocide isn’t bad if they aren’t human and also they kinda deserved it” “imperialism isn’t that bad really” the mentally ill should be put down if they’re deemed ~too far gone~” among other... wonderful takes...), and their behavior is also quite shitty, harassing content creators that go against the Approved Opinions (Ghast) or forcing people to take down fanart and in general infecting nearly every Rhea space with all kinds of disparaging comments no one asked for. They actively make the fandom a worse space, and when they flare up it’s almost always noticeable (again, Ghast)

Bleach?

Oh boy.

Guys. If you weren’t there for the Canonization of Ichihime (2016). You dodged a fucking bullet.

The outrage was out-fuckin’-rageous. Their behavior was some of the worst reactions anyone has ever seen come from the canonization of a ship in a shounen. This includes, but is not limited to:

Someone tearing apart all 70+ volumes of Bleach and burning it in their bathroom

In fact, multiple people tearing up Bleach and burning it, while keeping the Ichiruki moments and taping it to their walls

A Rukia cosplayer, in Rukia cosplay, printing out the final color spread of the end-game couples and their friends lounging about - with colored ink and all - and burning it, while filming herself doing so

Ichiruki porn being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being accused of grooming a 15 Orihime cosplayer with no proof

Tite Kubo being accused of lying about his various health issues

Ichigo and Rukia being drawn cheating on their spouses with each other - and some of that also being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being chased off Twitter by Ichiruki stans... again

Ichihime shippers getting sent death threats

Ichihime shippers getting called delusional for thinking their ship had a chance before the endgame couples were revealed, and then being called delusional for thinking their ship had any real basis and wasn’t pulled “out of nowhere”

Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because of Orihime being shown in an apron in the last chapter and Ichiruki stans jumping to the conclusion she became a housewife, and then Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because when it was revealed that Orihime has a job in a bakery to pay for college later they insisted what Kubo should have done was have Uryu, who’s a doctor at that point, pay for Orihime’s college instead of having Orihime pay for it with her own money 

And mind you, this is only the stuff I’ve personally seen and experienced

I am hoping and praying that Edelstans never get as bad as Ichiruki stans did in 2016, but with how otherwise similar they are my hopes are dwindling more and more. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they aren’t quite... that bad yet? In terms of actions, at least? Their sentiments though are infinitely worse, so like... cool

[oneletterelliot]

Hot Sauce (NCT Dream) - liveblog reaction

Disclaimer: I did listen to this album once through already, plus the previews and whatnot, so this is not quite a first impression reaction.

Hot Sauce - Is it just me or do the opening shouty vocals not sound like any of the dreamies? Chenle’s line. I was NOT ready for how low his voice was? It sounds so good. The mumbly nonsense bit sounds kinda like that one song that gets memed a bunch, doesn’t it? The vocal quality to Jeno’s rapping here really reminds me of how he sounded in “Misfit.” I think I like it. Lots of good harmony moments. Renjun’s voice is lovely as always. I’m digging his and Chenle’s harmonizing in the bridge. Haechan’s high note. Yes. I like the beat of this song. Definitely makes me want to dance. Mark going, “I’m the one!” I’m a fan. More “Hot Sauce” thoughts here.

Diggity - Okay, so based of the dreamverse (that’s what it’s called, right?) video, I said here that I didn’t love the song but I liked the choreography a lot. Not loving the song is holding up for now, but it definitely has the vibe of one of those NCT songs that I don’t originally care for but the more I listen to it, the more I like it (see also “Punch”). It is pretty catchy. Renjun’s voice is swaying me, I’ll admit. Also I do really like the instrumental. I think it’s the rap I’m not sold on (yet). Is that Jisung’s low voice at 2:49 underneath the higher harmonies? I’m kind of into it. God, I didn’t even watch the dreamverse video that much but I can so clearly picture the choreo while listening to this song, it’s that good.

Dive Into You - I love this opening arpeggio instrumental. Thinking about Jisung’s voice again. I always forget how much I it. I really like the chorus, nice harmony and fun melody. Renjun’s and Haechan’s ad libs (I think it’s them at least) make me happy. 2:07, Jisung’s voice again? (Edit: I looked it up and yes, of course, it’s Jisung. It’s just that for a second I thought it could be Chenle because...) Tbh my brain has been rattled by Chenle’s lower register he displayed in “Hot Sauce.” I want more of it. Is that Renjun who closes the song? Sounds good. (Edit: It’s CHENLE actually. Uh-oh, Renjun, look out, he might be coming for your crown as my favorite NCT Dream vocalist lmao.)

My Youth - This song sounds SO coming-of-age movie. Of course it’s called “My Youth.” I know I keep gushing about Renjun’s voice, but he always sounds so good holy shit. Jisung’s voice again! I guess I’m gonna keep gushing about him too. Oh, Mark, you sound amazing too. Whoever is rapping at the 2 minute mark (Jaemin?), the cadence of this bit really reminds of the “baby, it’s 4:35 / maybe I’m barely alive” part of Maroon 5’s “Girls Like You” lmao. Mashup, when? The “ooh-ooh-ooh”s over the chorus sound amazing. Oh my god, the harmony in the bridge is SO GOOD. My brain couldn’t even focus on thinking about which of the Dream vocal trio was singing it, but damn, it was so good. (Edit: According to the lyric video I looked it, it was Renjun/Chenle harmony I was reacting to, and then a Chenle/Jisung harmony! Jisung’s harmonies this album have been really nice!!)

Rocket - Funky start. Supremely makes me want to dance. I think this would be a cha cha, but there is something a little samba-y about the beat. I know I, like, haven’t said anything about the vocals—I do like them—I’m just enjoying this beat / instrumental so much. No thoughts, only vibing. Digging the vocal mixing of the chorus. I’m shoulder-dancing in my seat as I listen to this. “Yeah, yeah!” Strong contender for my favorite song off the album. Shit, maybe it is a samba? Man, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to ballroom dance :(

Countdown (3, 2, 1) - Oh, what time is it? IS THAT CHENLE’S ICONIC DOLPHIN LAUGH UNDER MARK’S VOICE? Renjun’s voice here reminds me a bit of “Ridin’,” so you know I like it because I believe in Renjun “Ridin’” supremacy. This also might end up being a song that I don’t really like until I listen to it a several more times. You know that thing in the instrumental that sounds like “90s Love?” Yeah. Mark sounds good in this song. I bet this song samples something. Not clue what. But I just Feel™ it does. Haechan’s high note at the end of the bridge did not do it for me, sorry bud :( Oh, I guess I like Mark’s “tick tick tock” bit.

ANL - Intro feels VERY similar to “Dive Into You,” doesn’t it? Same kind of feeling with the arpeggios, yeah? Like “My Youth,” it would feel right at home in a coming-of-age movie. 1:12, did they just say, “Yeah, we can bang all day?” “YEAH, I GIVE IT TO YOU EVERY NIGHT” ?!?!?!?!?!??! IS THIS A SONG ABOUT SEX? IT SOUNDS LIKE IT MIGHT BE A SONG ABOUT SEX? (No comment on the fact that “ANL” looks like............. well, you know.) (Edit: So apparently it’s “we can PAINT all day,” but the other line is actually “I give it to you every night,” which is, hmm, well.) 1:51, is this Jaemin? I like it a surprisingly large amount. (Edit: Yes, it’s Jaemin. Is this the comeback that makes me fall in love with his rapping? Hmm.) This song also makes me want to dance, but in a different way than “Hot Sauce” or “Rocket.” RENJUN IN THE BRIDGE?! THE HARMONY?! VERY NICE HONESTLY. Is this Jisung after the bridge at 2:53? Wow, I really do like his voice, huh? (Edit: yes, it’s Jisung, so jk, Jaemin, the rapper I’m falling in love with this come back is him and not you.) The line “I want to be your sunshine, girl” makes me cringe. The type of English line they’d give to Johnny in an NCT 127 song.

Irreplaceable - This song is SO funky, and I love it. I’ve said before that Haechan’s voice isn’t my favorite (I acknowledge he’s a very good singer; the tonal quality of it just doesn’t appeal to me personally), but it does fit this song very well. Kind of has a Motown, Jackson 5 vibe, which I really dig. Another song that makes me want to dance. Another contender for — did Jaemin just say “climax” (1:31)? I’m sorry? (Edit: Look, I know that’s not an inherently sex-related word, and that’s obviously not how it’s being used here, but it’s just a funny word to be used for the one random English word in the middle of the song, you know?) — my favorite song off the album. “Yeah, we about to hug and kiss,” okay, Mark. I don’t know why, but I really want to do the “Touch” dance with the arms to this song?

Be There For You - It makes sense to put the ballad after the bop that was “Irreplaceable.” I haven’t really been following all the promotional material for this album, but this is a vocal trio unit song, right? It kind of reminds of “My Everything.” Like, there’s a range of type of NCT ballad, and I think this and “My Everything” fall into the same category. 1:22, god, Renjun, your voice is so good. (I know my favoritism is showing so hard but whatever, I don’t care. I love his voice.) I like the backing harmonies. Very soft. I probably won’t listen to this song much, simply because I don’t listen to ballads much (Chinese ballads notwithstanding) but I do like it.

Rainbow - Back to the coming-of-age vibes like in “Dive Into You” and “ANL.” I can’t decide if I like the similar vibes for cohesiveness of the album or if I dislike it because I think they’re too similar. Wow, this is really a “get your lighter and/or cellphone out and wave in the air” kind of song, huh. Rap at 1:40 (Jisung?), I like it. (Sorry, the title “Rainbow” is just reminding me of how I recently told my parents, “oh, I think this guy I went to high school with is queer because he has the rainbow flag emoji in his insta bio,” and my dad said, “maybe he just really likes colors.” PLEASE.) The harmonies are nice. Renjun’s ad libs towards the end (3:05-3:17 ish), yes. I like the song, it won’t be a favorite, but this is a nice note to end the album on.

Over all thoughts: It’s a good album. Really enjoyable and definitely feels cohesive. I love the mix of peppy, dancey energy and this kind of soft yearning coming-of-age feeling. It makes a lot of sense for NCT Dream’s first full album. Chenle and Jisung are both pleasantly surprising me, and I’m looking forward to seeing how their voices continue to develop in the future. (Side note: SM, please let Chenle sing in his lower register more! His high voice is lovely, but so is his low voice!) Favorite songs currently are “Rocket” and “Irreplaceable.” 

[kanawhipped]

*cracks knuckles*

Beware I'm about to give out some truths, don't like it don't read. Also, honey, if you don't like it I don't see what you're even doing in the ttts tag. :) Anyway, that being said, let's get started shall we?

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of hate towards TharnType. I want to start by saying why do you even bother spreading hate on something? Like, if you dislike something that's fine, you're allowed to but is it too hard to just move on to the next series without spitting out hateful comments about what you call toxic and problematic?

Well, apparently it's too much to ask for certain people. :) You wouldn't like to have people being hateful towards the series you love in the tag so why would you do that to others? Of course the ones who love the series will find the hateful comments and of course they are going to defend it. You should not put your hate in the tag if you're not ready to have people defend it, js.

Now, let's talk about the 'problematic and toxic' series that is tharntype.

3/4 of the people saying that haven't even watched the whole series, and if you did actually watch the full thing, I think you're just missing out the point of tharntype.

First of all, it is said as soon as it starts raikantopini. It's a series for mature audience, it's a series that touches and speaks about heavy topics so why do you even act so shocked that rape or homophobia is being mentioned?

Now, stop attacking the ones that love this series because "we agree with rape and homophobia" sweetie, we really don't. Unfortunately rape is something very real that happens in real life, and goddammit tharntype showing it in its raw, awful way is exactly what makes this series so good. It's real. If you want rainbows and sunshine then yeah, I suggest you don't watch it because this series is not perfect, the characters are not perfect. They both fuck up, and we know it. But hey, do you know what else happens? Growth. On both sides, you know why? Because unlike other series these two communicate A LOT. They talk and talk and talk and they might not agree with each other, they might not like what the other says but in the end they come to compromises because they love each other and that's what a healthy relationship is supposed to be about.

Type learns how to come to terms that he is in fact dating and in love with a man and slowly he also learns that not all gay people are bad. Tharn is good, Khom is good.

Remember that the reason for his homophobia is because he was molested as a child. He was a kid and he got traumatized, so the only way he found to protect himself and keep on living his life is by hating gays, it's something that has lived with him since he was 11. In a way he still thinks like his 11 year old self, the one that was traumatized. You can see it in the very first episode when he tells Tharn that he hates gays, he looks angry as fuck but the second Tharn comes too close, his angry face completely crumbles and is replaced by fear. He's just scared.

Yes, homophobia is bad, believe me I'm the first to attack homophobes when I see one, but try to see things from Type's perspective and you might understand why he acts the way he does, is all I'm saying.

Now to what Tharn does. Ah geez, I must admit that in the first episode I was a 100% on Tharn's side until part 4/4 happens and then I was 100% on Type's side. I wasn't sure if it was a series for me because well, I'm not about all this noncon shit. But after spitting out all the anger I had for Tharn, I sat down, took a deep breath and thought 'well shit, this is the first episode they might show it for a reason, I still have 11 episodes to go, just keep pushing you might be surprised' and surprised I was.

I don't think Tharn takes it too seriously. (I still do get pissed when I re-watch that part but I'm trying to understand him even if it's harder for me to understand his point of view, probably because I'm more like Type LMAO) Does he realize what he's doing is noncon? I mean, I'm pretty sure he does. The kiss especially was unnecessary. But he's doing that because Type keeps being a homophobic little shit and trying to push Tharn to move out. He does take it too far of course he does, but keep in mind that when he does it, he still doesn't know about Type's past. I'm not defending what he does, I'm just trying to understand why he does it in the moment.

Next morning you can immediately see he feels guilty for doing it when he sees the panic in Type's face and when he eventually learns about his past, he knows that what he did was very wrong. Don't forget that he says "I'm sorry" to Type while crying (well both are crying) after Type tells him everything.

It's also one of the reasons why he takes all the blame in Type's stade for the boy's homophobic comments. Tharn not only already likes Type at that point, he also still feels extremely guilty for what he did to him which is why he doesn't hesitate to go see the two seniors and put all the blame on himself.

Man, tharntype is so complex and yet beautiful. As soon as we reached that point I knew I was going to be extremely whipped for the series because that is exactly what I like seeing on TV. Realism. They did it so beautifully and without fear.

They really went "Here, have these two. They're not perfect, they fight, they fuck up, but they love each other and communicate a lot hope you like the reality of it." why yes!!

I might make a pt. 2 of this bc I have so much to say about this series but I'm always a mess when it comes to expressing my emotions, just ask my therapist LMAO.

But anyway, my point is, we know this series is not perfect. And in my eyes, it's exactly what makes it perfect.

I can't wait to see them fuck up again in season 2 because HEY HATERS, KEEP ON HATING BUT WE KEEP ON WINNING. BYE NA :)

to my fellow ttts stans, you're doing amazing sweetie, let's be friends ❤️

[kuronokiseki]

A Honest Review of Nostalgia? (feat. Romantica)

Took my time to gather enough courage to write this ^^;;

So here goes my unneeded opinions...

Warning: Contains -

1. Opinions

2. Bad analyzing skills

First thing first, the premise. Just from reading the blurb I already knew where Nostalgia is heading, how things will not end up pretty... And it baffles me that many ppl are realizing it now? Your tyrannical boss turns out to be your ex and he wants to make you his again. Isn’t that just scary xD Then again, doesn’t trouble me that much bcs I don’t get the logic that queer relationships always have to be happy and healthy when relationships irl aren’t always sunshine and rainbows regardless if it’s queer or not. But yeah, that’s not the actual problem, instead some ppl can be uncomfortable with its portrayal and it may be triggering.

Moving onnnn to the first chapter, haha I did remember watching the sih anime but I can’t even recall what the hell happened in the two seasons. Reading the first chapter again for the second time I’m reminded once again of how boring the plot of Nostalgia is in general xD The beautiful animation and ost didn’t manage to fool me, heck yah~ I think 90% of the plot is just abt manga publishing + whatever happened 10 years ago. I tried so hard to like the characters but I can’t, I found all of them are one-dimensional as opposed to Romantica’s more quirky yet deeper cast. Like, sure Usagi loves Misaki too frickin much that without him he’ll die (lol) but his character arc isn’t limited to anything related to Misaki.

Even I saw some Japanese reviewers complaining how slow the plot moves , they even used the snail emoji bwahaha 🐌 When I thought Romantica can be repetitive and boring at times, but good lord Nostalgia has it even slower. If there’s another chapter abt senpai flashback again in the future seriously I will imagine there’s a wall in front of me and bonk my head against it (no way I would do that with a real wall it will hurt ;-;) Like c’mon. They need to stop fixating on the past. Of course Romantica has flashback chapters too but it’s to add something new, but in Nostalgia’s case it will hinder them to move forward hence the barely progressing plot

Now I would like to comment on the love rivals. Excluding An, all the love rivals are annoying me xD Why? Bcs their existence doesn’t do much other than for drama. Yokozawa is the typical jealous ex, Haitani is a Sumi copycat and Nao is just another Yokozawa but this time pursuing Ritsu. Lol Nakamura what just happened. As for Romantica’s love rivals, we know that their roles aren’t just to spice things up. Sumi kickstarted massive character developments of both Usagi and Misaki, yeah he’s approaching Misaki only to try getting into Usagi’s pants but hey he still cares genuinely for Misaki and they remained bffs after that. Won’t comment on Mizuki since he���s not rly a love rival. I’ve grown meh over Kaoruko so won’t talk abt her too. In Haruhiko’s case, him pursuing Misaki is just a small part in in his and Usagi’s already strained relationship, and it’s to show how the two brothers doesn’t rly differ from each other. As for Ijuuin... Lol I know he can be annoying but let’s be honest he acts as a perfect foil to Usagi and their banters  are so fun to watch (with Jojo-esque sound effects haha).

Now getting past the plot, characterization... It’s time to talk abt Takano and Ritsu’s relationship. Personally I still think that their relationship can still be fixed, especially on Takano’s end. He needs to give Ritsu some space, that poor boy needs time to carefully sort out his thoughts and feelings, I can tell how much Ritsu is confused with himself. He has to APOLOGIZE,  and put Ritsu’s feelings before his own. He can’t just do whatever he pleased and telling Ritsu what to do, given that they’re not even dating yet for now.

As for Ritsu... If he couldn’t voice it out, then he shouldn’t force himself to. There are lots of other ways to express your love and it isn’t just saying “I love you.” Believe it or not, it’s actually possible for a couple who haven’t said I love you to each other directly to still enjoy a happy relationship. Just ask Victuuri lmao.

Last but not least, my expectations of Nostalgia in future chapters. Uhh, I have to say that I’m pretty neutral on whether they will still end up together or they will break up but honestly the latter part seems impossible ^^;; Now that the countdown is getting close and Ritsu’s probably going to confess, but I will be quite disappointed if he does as soon he and Takano meet again. I don’t think that would be a right timing, given how things are going now. It should be done when things are properly sorted out between them and Takano not only apologized but turned over a new leaf as well. I do strongly think that the current Takano doesn’t deserve Ritsu’s confession as per now.

And that’s all my totally not-objectively-right opinions. Thank you for reading :)

[cilliankelly]

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace 

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it. 

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really.  not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

[purplesurveys]

1059

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Lie in bed, even on work days. I work from home, so there’s nothing to prepare or look nice for, anyway. I can stay in bed and just roll out of it and head to my desk at 9 AM to start the day.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? Video calls make me anxious, so I’ve always turned them down even when it was someone I’m close with who was trying to call, like Angela. The only person I’ve felt comfortable having video calls with was Gab but that obviously hasn’t happened in a while. I think the last people I saw on video was my dad’s family, though I was still shy and asked my mom not to put me in the shot for too long.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? Back then I’d do it 2-3 times a week. Then Covid happened and I had to stop; but now that I’m starting to try to put in more effort to take care of myself, I try to bring myself to a coffee shop for me time at least once during weekends.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? Dine-in. For me ambience is a big part of eating food, and even if I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting to eat the absolute best meal in the whole world, if I’m eating it alone at home I would still feel like shit.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks. We have five joints in the highway I live on alone, so it’s both a personal preference and a I-don’t-really-have-a-choice type of situation haha.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? It’s on vibrate during work days; then I’ve formed a habit of putting it on Do Not Disturb during weekends or holidays.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper thought my hand was a toy earlier so he was biting on it, and not in a very playful way.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Around a week ago when I was buying presents; I needed to get my cousin the mechanical pencils and eraser she wanted for Christmas. I also came across the bookshop that Gab and I would make a habit to visit, but I didn’t go inside as I didn’t know if I was prepared for the memories that would inevitably flood back. I looked through the stuff they had on their windows, though.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I don’t know if Amazon operates here. But the last thing I got from a local e-commerce app - don’t judge me HAHA - is a phone socket featuring the face of my newest K-drama crush. I placed my order literally 10 minutes ago.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Yesterday. Both were my family’s dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? Not wearing any, haven’t worn any in a while.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Just shampoo and conditioner. I never put anything else on it; I don’t really deem hair products other than those two a necessity.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Hahaha no. I’ve wanted to try it out, but I’ve always been paranoid that the NBI would come knocking at my door the moment I install one of those.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? She’s a Korean singer named Cheeze, though she’s honestly unfamiliar to me. The song she contributed for the OST of Start-Up is my absolute favorite in the entire tracklist, and that’s how I knew of her.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? I’m at a cafe joint right now and they didn’t have my usual order of caramel macchiato, so I opted for a Spanish latté because it sounded new to me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I made a Monte Cristo sandwich, if that counts as ~cooking; this was about a little more than a monthh ago. It worked out significantly better than I was expecting, given how rubbish I am in the kitchen. I lacked a couple of ingredients, like mustard for the sauce and the right kind of cheese, but I still ended up liking it.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Not me personally, but I know this is still widely believed in my country. It’s sad, so I approach black cats whenever I can and play with them for a bit.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It is definitely not my favorite; I’d say 5 times out of 10 I would consume it, and the other 5 I would set it aside. I enjoy it the most in pizzas and as a sauce for chicken wings.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Is that the standard schedule? Lmao. I only go when I have to.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? I was first exposed to the internet at around the ages of 3 and 4, when my mom would use the dial-up internet to email my dad (he had just started to work abroad). For many years I thought Yahoo Mail was the only website that existed, since that’s all I saw my mom use. Eventually my dad got broadband for the family by the time I was 10, and the first website I ever looked up was YouTube.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I remember those; I just never had to use them myself.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? Andi gave me a Petals For Armor CD for Christmas, if it counts. Because they’re the most awesome fucking friend. The last DVD I bought myself was probably a Beyoncé's Life Is But A Dream, which was...holy crap, 7 whole years ago.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? I do. I shave my underarms every few days, and my legs monthly.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? We don’t have the usual four seasons we hear about in other countries; we only have wet and dry. Between those two, I definitely like wet more because I love the rain, and I like how cold it can get.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I took a big bite of a lumpiang togue yesterday when it was still piping hot, so it felt like I almost burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. But since I was a guest at my dad’s family’s house, I couldn’t spit it out.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Someone stole my wallet in high school, and I never got it back. It was a small petty thing that the police didn’t need to be involved in, lol. I know my mom’s family got robbed when she was a teenager, though; the worst thing that got stolen was their grand piano :(

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? START UP. I first heard of it from my co-workers who would mention the show here and there; and because I was new to the team and wanted to have something in common with them so that I can break the ice, I figured I should start on the show myself. Ended up getting obsessed with the show and gaining a new Korean crush altogether.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? No, those have never looked even remotely appealing to me. I never saw the point of recycling movies that already exist and already feel magical by themselves.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? It doesn’t sound exciting on its own, but I’m very much looking forward to be a homebody tomorrow haha. We’ve been with extended family for five days straight and I’m at a café right now for some me time, so tomorrow I can’t wait to just be at home and lounge around.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If the dog is already trained or certified to be a certain kind of working dog, I don’t see the point in keeping them for myself when they could be beneficial for other purposes. The only time I see myself adopting a working dog is if they’re already at the point of retirement and would need a loving home to live out their remaining years.

--

1 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Love garlic bread; I regularly have it with my pasta and occasionally, pizza.

2 - When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? Last month, during Typhoon Rolly. Other cities had worse experiences, but it also wasn’t sunshine and rainbows on our end. We had a blackout for around two days and I had to file for an emergency leave four days into my new job, which was super embarrassing. It didn’t flood in our street but the water was high in other areas in our village, so we couldn’t go out for a while.

3 - Do you ever buy things from charity/thrift shops? What was the last thing you bought from there? I don’t recall ever buying anything from either.

4 - The last time you got fast food, did you eat in, takeaway or go through the drive-thru? My last fast food wasssssss Jollibee, and my parents got it for takeout so that we could eat as a family at home.

5 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Hahaha no they don’t. It’s been six months since we got Cooper but the two still don’t get along, unless it’s Kimi trying to hump him. It’s understandable; Cooper is a vibrant pup that’s super excited and play bites all the time, and on the other side is a nearly 13 year old, nearly blind, can’t-smell-as-well-as-he-used-to senior dog; and I get that Kimi’s more sensitive to sudden movements now.

6 - Do you ever buy things off eBay? If you do, do you participate in auctions or do you just use the “buy it now” option? I never go on eBay. And since I’ve never checked it out, I never understood the gimmick of the website.

7 - When you go out, do you worry that you’ve forgotten to lock the door or turn something off? Yeah, this is especially the case with locking the front door.

8 - What fruits and vegetables have you eaten so far today? Do you tend to get your “five a day”? I didn’t know five a day is a thing of some sort; but it’s only 8:47 AM and I haven’t eaten anything at all yet today.

9 - When was the last time you were in pain? What caused it and did you manage to get it sorted in the end? Last night when my back was giving me hell. As for the cause...idk, years of bad posture maybe? I was able to deal with it for a bit with the new massage pillow that my dad got for Christmas.

10 - Do you live in an area that gets lots of snow? Do you like it? If not, would you like to live somewhere that gets that cold? I would love to move somewhere that’s generally more cold. Humidity gets exhausting to deal with.

11 - What was the reason for your last doctor/hospital visit? My fever had already been lasting for a week and wasn’t showing signs of going away. No Covid symptoms, just pure hellish fever.

12 - If someone had told you that 2020 would see a global pandemic, countries going into lockdown, compulsory face masks and millions of deaths, would you have ever believed that you’d live through something like that? My personal biggest surprise for 2020 wasn’t even the pandemic. I would have had a more violent reaction if I was told I would no longer be in a relationship and be barely talking to my then-girlfriend of six years by the end of 2020.

13 - Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? Always closed. I don’t ever voluntarily open the curtains or windows to let the sunshine in.

14 - Do you use an ad-blocker on your computer or phone? Why/why not? I use one on my laptop because the ones on YouTube can be extremely annoying. I didn’t know it was possible to put on ad blockers on phones (is it?).

15 - Do you still use a paper diary/planner to organise your appointments and schedules? No, but I’m thinking of getting a planner again for 2021. I used to get a Starbucks planner every year just because I wanted to get into their Christmas promo hype, but I never completed any of them. Now that I’m working and am busier all around, I see the bigger need for a planner. These days, I use a Google extension called Momentum to list down my to-do tasks. My parents also got me a corkboard for Christmas on which I stick notepads with things I have to do for the day.

16 - When was the last time you charged one of your electronic items? Do you have to charge that specific item often? I’m charging my laptop now. At this point it’s always plugged in because I want to keep the cycle count low, though I’m not sure if it’s the healthiest thing to do.

17 - Have you ever thrown or broken something in a temper? Yes, definitely. I’m not normally aggressive when angry, but sometimes it happens.

18 - What does your outfit look like today? Did you pick it out for a special reason? I have on a black sundress that I didn’t change out of. I wore it yesterday when I went to a coffee shop to spend some time on my own.

19 - Do you follow any vlogs or podcasts? What is it about them that interests you? I do follow certain channels who do vlogs, but I never tune into them since most of them have gotten a little uninteresting. I’m also subscribed to several podcasts like Andi’s and Renee Young’s, but I’m not always in a podcast mood; I subscribe because I want to support them.

20 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? Do you go through phases of visiting certain websites? I visit Twitter and YouTube the most often. I will binge Reddit every now and then, and I will get into a Wikipedia black hole at least once a week.

21 - Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, what about your cousins or extended family? I do not maintain a relationship with my brother after he physically assaulted me last year. My sister and I are on good terms, but we’re not close in that I can cry to her or that we know each other’s secrets. We have a very good casual relationship, and we never argue.

22 - When was the last time you were up early enough to see the sunrise? I hate the sun so I don’t really do that lol.

23 - What movie series did you last watch from start to finish? Was it one you’d seen before? I only ever do this with Twilight. I have my annual Twilight Saga marathon where I watch all five films in one afternoon hahaha.

24 - Do you still enjoy watching children’s TV programmes? What was the last one you watched? Yeah, but only the ones I watched as a kid. My cousins and I watched the Wet Painters episode of Spongebob last Christmas Eve right after we finished Midsommar.

25 - Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? I have no idea. I’ve been going in and out of deactivation, so at this point I’m sure people no longer have any clue if I’m on a certain social media website or not.

26 - What was the last thing you took a photograph of? It was a screenshot of something I wanted to show Angela.

27 - Are you a fan of giving animals human names? Sure. I certainly find it funny when pets are given incredibly ordinary human names, like Bob or Mark.

28 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with what the scale said? Christmas Eve eve, when I saw a weighing scale in my cousin’s room. I mean it’s what I’ve weighed for the last 5 years or so, so I have no complaints.

29 - How often do you buy yourself new clothes? What was the last clothing item you bought for yourself? Used to be a few times every month, but I have not bought anything new since before the pandemic. The last items I got were still the tops with puffed sleeves that I bought in March.

30 - What is the reason behind your mood today? Is this something you could have done something about? I’m mostly at ease; a little anxious because work continues for a certain headache of a client even though we told them our office would be on shutdown; and a little melancholic for no reason. I’m trying to combat the latter by doing my embroidery and it’s kind of helping, but the sads are still lingering.

[kageyuji]

Hello, may I request a matchup and be matched with a male, please and thank you from Haikyuu, HP, Sherlock, Twilight &Mystic Messenger ( if that amount of fandoms is alright, if not let me know). LINK -  The first part is infoship2 (.) tumblr (.) (com) (without the parentheses). You can take as much time as you need to, I don’t mind being patient & waiting.

I told myself I was going to bed like 30 minutes ago but you know what here we are lmao

For Mystic Messenger, I ship you with 707!

V was an honorable mention

Seven didn’t exactly have the best childhood growing up either, so he is definitely the one to comfort you.

He has an obsession with Elizabeth the 3rd, second only to Jumin. So expect him to talk about animals a lot.

He thinks your overthinking is a strength, he knows you can never be too careful.

Don’t worry about being afraid to talk to him, he’s definitely going to be talking your ear off as soon as you two meet.

He finds the fact that you are lazy absolutely adorable, he would love to sleep in with you on days that he doesn’t have to get up early for work.

However, if you ever get bored, let him know because he will have the two of you on adrenaline highs in a matter of minutes.

Seven is also a master at bottling up his emotions and showing people only his happy, goofy side. Therefore he’s quick to see past your fake smile, and quick to wrap you in a hug and comfort you.

He’d love it to be honest and open with you, it’s just not something he’s trusted anyone else enough to be.

He’s really honest with you, he’s become so close to you that he feels terrible doing anything but being straight with you.

Speaking of being close, he’d want to be close to you as friends before he wanted to be in a relationship. He just needs to be close before he actually lets you in.

But once you two become close? Oh boy.

He’s so obvious when he flirts with you that it physically pains the other members of the RFA to watch.

Eventually Jaehee has to convince him that you are just really oblivious. When he asked you out and you said yes, his soul left his body.

He hates games too, he just doesn’t see the point. There isn’t any point in testing you, he trust you and he knows you trust him.

Seven understands when you only want affection during random times, he’ll leave you alone whenever you don’t want attention. However, he’d melt when you do want attention and just kind of...snuggle up to him while he’s working or playing a game.

Seven likes leading new languages too — he literally got bored one day and just decided to learn Arabic — so he’s down to help you learn anything new.

He likes music too, he’s the type to blast his music from the moment he wakes up to the moment he’s settling down.

For Haikyuu, I ship you with Daichi!

Asahi was an honorable mention

Daichi is one of the kindest people

He’s very understanding and gets it sometimes if you feel worthless, worn-out or just all around anxious.

He’s quick to pick up on it, no matter how hard you try and hide it.

However, he does understand that you feel guilty about it and won’t mention it. He’d just slyly give you more affection whenever he saw you getting that way.

He likes that you are somewhat of an idealist, he likes to see things the way they are too, even if he does have big dreams sometimes.

He’d love to have you at one of his games “over”analyzing anything. Helping him pick out where he or his team is going wrong is definitely something he appreciates.

He is a good listener too, but sometimes he does tend to vent about his days to you. You’re just comforting to him, he can’t help it.

Daichi is pretty up front about his emotions too, he’s the captain after all. He knows that hiding things isn’t good.

So, he’s pretty honest to you about stuff. He’s not brutal about it though, he’ll tell you straight what he’s saying but he’s somehow nice about it.

Daichi absolutely doesn’t believe in love at first sight either. He might have a crush at first sight, but not love. He’d rather be friends first and then ease into a relationship once the two of you are close.

I will not apologize to Daichi to this...He’s so oblivious when it comes to flirting.

It physically pains the team to see both of you flirting with each other but neither of you realize the other is flirting too.

Eventually Tanaka is just gonna stand up and point it out to both of you.

He loves being lazy with you, he doesn’t get a chance to do it often and so when he does he likes to be with his favorite person.

This man loves hallmark movies. It takes all of his willpower not to cry, he usually ends up crying anyhow.

Daichi has a strong dislike of cheaters too. He doesn’t see the point in dating someone just to break their heart. Is it like a power thing? He doesn’t get it. (I don’t either tbh like wtf?)

Over all, Daichi drinks his Respect Women Juice.

For Sherlock, I ship you with John!

Another Sweetheart

Considering his time in as an army doctor and his PTSD, he gets mental health.

He understand when your mental health is getting the best of you, he’s always there for you.

He doesn’t mind you being a perfectionist either, he doesn’t really like things being messy either.

He likes that you’re an idealist, he knows that the world is all sunshine and rainbows all the time.

He gets that sometimes you feel annoying when you try to explain how you feel or express your emotions

He doesn’t think that though, he’s the type of person to hang on to every word you say and care about it.

Sometimes with his PTSD, he has bad days. He’s only human. So he likes that you’re so empathetic, he needs someone to lean on every now and then.

He might vent to you about somethings he has on his mind, Sherlock can be a lot sometimes, so he always appreciates when you listen to him.

He knows that you tend to lie about how you’re feeling, he lies about his own feelings a lot. He stops once he gets closer to you, he’s honest towards you.

But he realizes how you actually feel about a lot of things and makes sure you’re fine with everything he does.

It was something he picked up in the army, he needed to know how his patients felt, so he often asks how you feel about things. He knows you won’t say anything otherwise.

Like I said earlier, he’s pretty straight forward with you once you get close. He’s learned that being anything but straightforward doesn’t work.

Actually, he’s just a really firm believer that communication is key.

He’d want to be close beforehand too — he just doesn’t trust people right off the bat — so he has no problem being friends first.

For Harry Potter, I ship you with Harry!

He didn’t have the best life as a kid either, so he understands. He had to grow up all too fast and care for himself, he sympathizes.

I can’t explain it but I just know that whenever he sees you get tongue tied he thinks it’s absolutely adorable.

He’s used to feeling useless or like he’s annoying any time he opens his mouth, so he understands whenever you don’t want to voice your opinions or say how you feel.

Actually, he recognizes it and tends to ask you about things, or ask if you have any input to the situation.

He gets really happy when you start opening up to him, he knows how hard it can be to trust people sometimes. Everytime you make some sarcastic comment at him, he can’t help but laugh.

He really likes your sarcastic, playful side. Something about your smile, he just really likes it.

He’s really patient and he doesn’t care if you get mad at him, he’ll forgive you

That being said, he does appreciate being open and honest with each other. He hates secrets.

He’s pretty oblivious to people flirting with him too, so just... *cue Ron and Hermione facepalming whenever you flirt with each other* It’s adorable, not even gonna lie.

He’s fine easing into the relationship, he gets it if you’d want to be friend first.

He gets it if you don’t want to give him affection all the time, but he’s always there for you when you do want to though. He never gets sick of you.

Honestly he’s just over-all a very understanding person.

Harry loves board games and you can’t convince me otherwise. Please play some with him, he would absolutely die.

He probably really likes Disney movies, he’s a big fan of Pirates of the Carribean, he told me so himself.

Painting rocks seems really mundane and domestic to him, he’d love to paint rocks with you. He’s gonna get paint all over himself, no one knows how or why.

Harry also hates cheaters, he loves anyone who cares about him and doesn’t have the heart to break someone else’s.

For Twilight, I ship you with Jacob!

This is the most patient boy, don’t even get me started

He understands about your mental health, your childhood, everything really.

It’s not to say that he’s been though what you’ve been through specifically, but he’s been though some deep shit before.

He just wants to be your shoulder to cry on, since you’re always there for him.

Jacob would never cheat, he respects you too much to do that. He doesn’t want to hurt you, or anyone for that matter.

Like everything else, he understands about you shying away from affection sometimes. He’s happy to wait until you’re ready before he does anything.

Along the same lines, he’d probably crush on you immediately but he would probably want to get closer before anything happened between you too.

He’d like to let you set the pace. He’s ready for anything, just let him know when you want to move along and he’s happy to oblige.

As much as Jake loves his small town, he’d want to travel and see the world some too. He’d love to go along with you, to see everything.

Also you said you like animals and I feel like he’d love to snuggle against you in his wolf form? Like, he’s so soft and warm?

Fear of being vulnerable? Say hello to your very own personal protection (mentally and physically!)

He’s really protective of his friends and family too, he admires that in you. For him, if you are protective of those you love, then you’re a good person.

He’s very open, he doesn’t like to keep secrets. Not telling people about how he’s a shapeshifter is one of the hardest things he’s had to do, he just hates having to lie about things.

So he’s also pretty straight foreword. He won’t be blunt about it, he’d try to cushion the blow if he ever did have to tell you anything heartbreaking, but most likely it won’t happen.

He’s definitely one of those guys that don’t really like girls wearing makeup. It’s not that he thinks it makes them look fake, he just doesn’t see the point. You’re beautiful either way, so why spend all that time?

He understands if you like makeup as a hobby, though. He can totally get behind any artistic abilities.

Please play board games or paint rocks with him on rainy days, it’s really domestic and he would absolutely melt.

[mystt]

i have a lot of thoughts about the state of homestuck right now and no one to talk to about it. im so sorry

i really want to love june egbert with all my heart, accept her with open arms!!! i relate so much to the idea of a weird awkward guying going thru a lot of his life feeling like something was wrong, like there was a disconnect between himself and the rest of the world, only to eventually realize that the problem was so deeply rooted that he never even realized that it could BE the problem! all of the art has been amazing, of seeing this just-out trans girl finally ecstactic to be herself and her friends meeting her for the first time all over again. the #juneisreal party on twitter yesterday was the most joyous and connected ive seen the homestuck fandom be for a long time!! but, because this is homestuck, i dont think everything about this situation is all sunshine and rainbows, not in the longterm anyway.....

frankly, a lot of ppl aren’t too happy about this, and they have every right to feel that way.  i can sympathize with those people because tbh i wasn’t a huge fan of roxy being transmasc in the epilogues (to be fair, theyve grown a lot on me now that ive had some time to think about it / see content involving them)! john has been an established character for a long time, someone that a lot of ppl have grown a very deep and personal connection with! its totally possible that someone read homestuck, interpreted john’s character in a very similar way to i just did, and come at the totally opposite outcome! maybe john is actually a trans guy and has a lot of trepidation navigating sexuality and gender because of it. the point is that all of it is valid, and as long as everyone respects eachother’s headcanons we’ll all be fine and dandy, right?

well, with hussie making her ‘real,’ the fandom dynamic around june (and roxy) content will inevitably change. the letter that hussie wrote for the epilogue is a bunch of garbage but it basically boils down to the epilogues not really being an epilogue but an on/off ramp to whatever homestuck ends up being in the future. this all but guarantees more june/transmasc roxy content, which im totally down for, but will that content be as ‘dubiously canon’ as the epilogues were? and if not, what happens then? 

are we supposed to believe that basically all homestuck content from this point on is al-a-carte, where each reader is able to pick and choose what is and isn’t canon? we were already doing that, but that’s the fandom’s job! call me crazy but there has to be some separation between fanon and canon! otherwise, you get complete mob-rule anarchy, which we’ve already seen wrt roxy and june!

homestuck is in a lose-lose situation with its characters at this point. the core appeal of the WHOLE DAMN COMIC is that all of its characters have very defined personalities and very amorphous everything else. homestuck is so everlasting because every reader comes out of it with their own permutations of each character in their head.....almost like.....a headcanon, u could call it!

but at the same time, homestuck has to have more ~representation~ in its cast nowadays. its just the trend that all media is following as people demand to see more of themselves reflected in the things they enjoy. that is absolutely valid in most forms of media where characters are well-defined in their identity, but that doesn’t work with homestuck, because no matter what you WILL be stepping on the toes of someone’s version of a character that they’ve been fostering in their own head for god knows how long

i think there ARE ways to make homestuck’s cast more diverse in a concrete way without making everyone upset! the first is to......make new characters......if homestuck really is entering a new era, why can’t it burst onto the scene with a new rainbow cast of misfits for everyone to imprint themselves onto? not enough trans mlm rep? why not make a new one (that isnt lanque)! not enough canon autistic rep? hire an autistic person to make an autistic character! friendsim would’ve been perfect for this, but they didnt take advantage of it basically AT ALL (and where they did they......kinda fucked up lmao)

something else ive seen suggested is to establish new identities for characters that don’t fundamentally change who they are. if you’re like me and you think homestuck needs more trans girls, why would you take JOHN of all ppl and make him mtf when you have a perfectly good rose....or jade....or terezi (or roxy but eh. thats not on the table anymore) right there!  

and i think its important to say that i dont blame this at all on the original creators of the june headcanon, i appreciate what theyve done and the works theyve inspired a lot! its not their fault, but things have really REALLY got out of hand. with pesterquest on the horizon, i think we’re in a fascinating and nervous period for homestuck. things are going to be changing soon, and i dont know if its gonna be for the better :C

[vcngttpt-a]

ALL OF THEM. @mun meme ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

@deceptivetreat || mun q&a                      

                            ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

||you are. the bane. of my existence. 

☯ Is there a muse you’ve always wanted to play?

hmm ig i’ll go with canon for this one because i have many ocs, but uh i really wanna write for seto from fragile dreams. i used to have an ask blog for him back in the day but that died quickly seeing as how dead the fandom is so- but i do love him with all my heart and i would love to be able to someday write him or something

♣ Is there an author(s) that you look up to with your writing skills?

rick riordan, marissa meyer and michelle rowen. i’ve read their books throughout middle school and high school and i still find myself going back to reread their books because i just love how their words flow as well as how engaging their plots are. i honestly hope i can reach rick riordan levels of skill whenever i get around to finishing my own novel!

♧ Is there an RP partner(s) that you credit for becoming a better writer?

one would have to be an old rp friend that we sadly don’t talk to anymore since she was the first one i started writing with a lot more back in high school as well as the one who would give me advice on how to improve and just be patient with me when i go stuck with writing our threads and also mikey (@snw-cnvs) since he also supports me outside of rp’ing to get me to write actually fiction drabbles. i just wish i could finish them lmao

♥ What’s your favorite ship with your muse?

all of my ships with mikey no i’m joking lolol i really love my ship with haneul because i’ve had him for two years now and he’s grown a lot because of his ship. he’s someone whose never believed that love was real and sure their relationship is a little rocky, but they both don’t really have the proper understanding for love until waaaay later. i also really love how whenever he’s with obe, he’s able to pull out this different side of haneul, someone whose so overconfident and quick to words, becomes at a loss for words and questioning himself a lot. i just love them best otp 

♡ Would you ever write a poly ship?

sure, i’d be down for it as long as our muses have the right chemistry as well as if i know both muns pretty well and if they’re also comfortable with it.

♦ What’s an AU that you’ve always wanted?

answered

♢ What’s an AU that you think just won’t work with your muse?

any au that causes too much of a shift in my muses’ personality. i’m usually willing to try any au but if it becomes too much that my muse basically becomes a different person i don’t like it. 

♔ What’s your opinion on teacher/student verses? Do you have any of these as threads?

eeeeh i dont really care, but i work at a school so the thought makes me like uncomfy because i don’t wanna think about work lolol but its also like fiction and i’m able to tell the difference between fiction and reality so yea. also no i don’t have any threads like that

♕ Do you like magic!anons? Why or why not?

not really. it became too much of a thing to deal with back in the day. i just like the simple things

⚜ What is the best time to write for you? Why?

nighttime because i’m fuckin nocturnal even tho i have a day job rip my sleep schedule and ever growing eye bags

★ What type of historical AU would you like to do one day?

Victorian era, or the prohibition era don’t ask me why i like them i don’t even know myself i just know i wouldn’t mind

☆ What type of fantasy AU would you like to do one day?

all of them. i’m a huge slut for fantasy in general. its one of the best things i love the most. 

☄ Do you think your muse would have liked going to high school sports games? Do you or did you go to high school sports games?

haneul: no, he’s not into those things, but also he was home schooled until he went to college

eiji: he used to play soccer in high school so yea

reese: do magic tournaments count? cause if so then yes

sage: no, i was the loser who hung out at the library with friends to sit around and read books and manga 

☾ Do you like writing smut? Why or why not?

okay, if it wasn’t obvious i used to rp back in middle school through high school and on tumblr and i have done my fair share of the sin once i turned 18. nowadays i’m pretty much like eh, but ig i could try again if the need arises, but it also depends on my mood ig? i’d have to write it with someone i’m completely comfortable writing with but also even then it’s gotten to the point i’m more like ig we can just fade to black yea? 

tbh i feel i got all the urges to write sin outta me when i was on my old en blog lmao i had so many smut threads on there i’m ashamed 

☽ Do you like writing angst? Why or why not?

yes god i love being able to break my muses because it’s so fun. like yea it also hurts because that’s my kid i’m hurting but i’m okay with that. it’s just something that adds realness to them because the world sure as fuck ain’t rainbow and sunshine

☼ What’s an FC that you’re dying to use? Why?

i have these icons that i squirreled away for awhile now and i really wanna use them but my brain is too dead to figure out who he could work for. like he was my first thought for reese but he didn’t really give off the right reese vibes so maybe i’ll dig around my oc bin and see who looks the closest to him 

or i cave and just make a brand new oc for him

☀ What’s an FC that you desperately want to play with? Why?

i’m not really picky about what fc write with tbh 

☁ What’s an FC that you refuse to play with? Why?

not really refuse to play - more like i’m eh with. if only because en used to be my main chara for a long time like, i was so deep into the magical boy lore that a good chunk of my headcanons became canon. but also it just…leaves a bad taste in my mouth even more so since the drama that happened in that fandom left me filled with fear and hesitance to rp for a good chunk like before. it just brings back bad memories and i thought i was moving past it when i was thinking about using him for reese but alas. some memories don’t leave

maybe one day i’ll either get to write en again or i can use his face as fc but we’ll see

☂ How does your muse spend a rainy day? How do you spend a rainy day?

haneul: he loves the rain and he’ll spend it either under an umbrella or just sitting there in the rain just letting it wash away his thoughts and fears for a little bit 

eiji: he’d spend it indoors playing a video game or playing with seto

reese: he’d prob be dumb and splash in the puddles because he likes to enjoy the little things. other times he’ll just ignore it and stay indoors either hanging with friends or studying and practicing his magic for his school’s next tournament 

sage: i like to spend it just lookin out my window with my kitty on my chest. i love the sound of it against the sidewalk and streets. 

☃ If your muse was cartoonized, what would their FC be? Why?

uh idk how to answer this tbh 

☺ What’s a character that you desperately want your muse to play with? Why?

toshi @ haneul *stares at @snw-cnvs* and also reese @ momo *stares at @deceptivetreat* but also i just want everyone to bother my boys i love them so much. 

☹ What’s a character that you refuse to play with? Why?

idk i’m pretty open for any character

☢ Are there any ships that you would like to write for one day? Any that you wouldn’t?

uh dunno. i’m open for any ships that have the right chemistry tbh just not haneul since he’s already taken

☣ What’s one thing that will make you drop a thread?

useless drama and or if i can’t seem to figure out where the thread is going for our muses. like if they don’t clash well i don’t wanna give tryin to grasp at straws. but i’m always down to try again unless it ends up the same than welp

♨ What’s a muse that you wished had lasted, but didn’t?

aaaah my supernatural brothers!!! i love them so much but they didn’t last and i’m not sure if i’m goin to add them on here or leave them in the void. 

❀ Do you like reblog karma? Why or why not?

i’m gonna sound old but i don’t know what that is hold on. *googles* oh okay yea no. that seems like too much pressure to do and i have too much anxiety to do that i’m sorry. 

✿ Do you have a mun FC? If so why did you choose that as your FC, and if not who would you choose?

yes. because i have so many icons it’s not even funny, but also before i got my  hair cut she looked the most like me and also i thought it’d be fun to be able to tell the difference between me and my boys 

see, back in the day i was the loser who would make ooc posts that included my muses and it was easy to have mun fc so you could do that and it was a lot fun, but it’s somethin i won’t so nowadays.

♪♩♫ Does music inspire your muse? What’s one song on your playlist that reminds you of your muse?

haneul: mirror part II

any of weiss’ songs work for him tbvh

eiji: rpg

reese: havent found one that works for him yet, so come back later

✂ Do you like to format your posts? Why or why not?

yes it’s all for the aesthetic 

✆ Other than RPing, what’s a hobby of yours?

i love to write and draw. lmao sometimes i don’t write drafts so i can write more of my novel or little drabbles that’s for friends. 

✉ Do you RP on any other platforms?

nope

❤ Have you or are you currently in love?

answered

❥ Has something ever happened for you to hate a ship? Why?

uh nope can’t say there has been.

ツ Who has been your favorite muse to play so far? Why?

haneul, eiji, lifty and shifty, and en

han and eiji because they’re both my ocs and it’s so much fun to see them develop and grow their characters more. 

en because i was able to write a lot of different aus, headcanons, and just develop a canon character until he pretty much just became my own character

lifty and shifty were my roots. i started in the htf fandom and had so much fun writing those lil shits. it was just my go fuckin crazy shit. i still have their icons and their old blog is still up and i do kinda miss them some days.

回 Which muse was the worst to play? Why?

i used to have an oc named harley who was a living doll and i haha came to hate him because i made him around the same time i created haneul and i always loved haneul because i put a lot of effort into him and not much in harley and i got annoyed and jealous that back then everyone seemed to love harley more him. so i pretty much tossed him to the curve adfhsdkfjh

sorry harley but you were also hard to write because you were too sweet and cliche for me 

✘ People come in a group. If I were to look on your blog, who would I see you interacting with the most?

@snw-cnvs and @deceptivetreat

ღ Do you have a personal blog? Do you share it with your followers or do you keep it private?

nah i haven’t used tumblr in years until now. i do have one but i don’t use it so idc it’s called @shouyoutheworld but again i don’t use it it’s…v old

▼ Do you keep your character in character even if they are one of the worst people in the world?

yes. what’s the point of writing and creating said character if you’re gonna sugar coat them?

▽ Why did you create this muse?

haneul: i wanted an oc who was really jaded and brat. i wanted to see him grow into something more even if its difficult 

eiji: i pretty much wanted a muse that i could dump all my useless game infos on

reese: i wanted a witch oc who had a rival that they both hated their guts for and eventually fall in love I’M SO RR Y THAT’S REALLY WHY HE WAS MADE FORGIVE ME BUT NOW I DEVELOPED HIM A LOT MORE FOR RP’ING PURPOSES BUT Y’KN OW

[van-dyne]

Any tony centric fanfic recommendations?

Anonymous said: Do you read tony stark fanfics? If so, who is your favorite writers??

I am so sorry for taking so long to get to this, I don’t have an organised system to keep the fics that I’ve read, I mostly just download it on my ipad so it’s a big pile of mess but I do have Tony fics that I would love to share 💜  They’re as requested, Tony Centric, and ratings are all Gen/Teens up. If I didn’t specify, either there’s little to no pairing or it’s canon pairing (Tony/Pepper) in the background

Because I said so: Adventures in Parenting (with commentary by Peter Parker)  by Nickygp (Updating) 

The vulture is gone, and Peter is back to being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Only this time, his aunt is watching him like a hawk, because “you can get hurt Peter!” and Tony Stark is going right along with it - oh and so are all of Tony’s close friends.

Comments: Everything I love, I love fics that weave canon and fanon together nicely, it explores the relationships we don’t have the luxury to watch it on screen, so basically the Iron fam and Peter and May and friends, bonus Harley are now one big happy family and it’s so sweet and heartwarming and I love it so much

Parental Guidance by FriendLey

What if Howard and Maria Stark never died but are bored, retired parents worrying over Tony and nagging him to finally marry that charming girl Virginia, bring home some friends who is not just composed of Rhodey, and for crying out loud when is he going to give them grandchildren?

Comments: A Perfect World AU basically, and I adore it :’)

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud by grilledcheesing

Post Spider-Man: Homecoming — Tony is just trying his damn hardest to keep this reckless kid from Queens safe, but it’s hard when Peter is, occasionally, ridiculous as all hell.

Comments: THIS IS SO FUN AND DELIGHTFUL, I actually laughed out loud so many times reading it.

Three Times Tony Took Care of Everyone and Once When They Took Care of Him by sunbean72

Comments: Post Homecoming. This fic is so heartwarming and sweet, 100% mood lifting. 100% must read. Tony is so loved

An Ache That Doesn’t Go Away by rebelmeg

This fic picks up immediately after the scene cuts in Siberia, with Steve and Bucky walking away and Tony lying on the cement. In the time between the end scenes of Civil War, and before Homecoming picks up, this is what happens to Tony, from his and a few others’ POVs, as he tries to heal emotionally and physically from the events in Civil War.

Comments: Rip my heart out, and put it back softly again. Angst. But it’s okay, it’s angst with hope.

Welcome to the Family by FriendLey

Peter Parker spends time with Tony’s family. Happy is annoyed, Rhodey is amused, Pepper gets an assistant, and Tony feels betrayed.

Comments: Fluff, Pure fluff

In Retrospect, Maybe We Can We Compromise? by deedeejadexo

Kind, caring, genius and brilliant physicist Doctor Bruce Banner comes to in the most unlikely of places after his adventures with Thor. And for the life of him, he can not figure out how and why the Other Guy would bring him here, of all places. How long has passed this time? And what’s happened on Earth during the last two years during his absence? Where’s Steve and all the other Avengers? Something doesn’t feel right to Bruce. What isn’t Tony telling him?

Comments: After Ragnarok, plus those on set pictures we’ve seen (Tony & Bruce hugging) I honestly can’t wait for Bruce to return to Earth and reunite with Tony. A bit bitter sweet, but it nails Tony and Bruce friendship

5 Valentine’s Pepper and Tony didn’t Spend as a Couple +1 They Spent as a Family by Kizmet

Pepper and Tony’s relationship going through ups and downs over six valentines between 1994 and 2021 (and Rhodey keeps sneaking in somehow)

Comments: Pairing: Pepper/Tony Focused I love the perspectives they give, especially love it when they fill in some blanks pre movies and in-between movies. I love the pre Iron Man world, it makes me feel nostalgic

How It Should Have Been (And Maybe How It Was) by rebelmeg

Tony Stark was surrounded by love his whole life. His mother adored every bit of him from the moment she knew she was pregnant. Peggy was the most devoted godmother that ever lived. Edwin and Ana Jarvis treasured him as the closest thing they would ever have to their own child.But even with all that love… Tony still struggled, because the man that should have understood him best barely gave him a glance.

Comments: AUNT PEGGY!!!!! WHAT WE DESERVE. The greatest crime of Civil War is ripped us off that very likely canon relationship between Tony and Peggy. This one fixes it. :)

5 Times Peter Didn’t Call Tony for Help (and should have) by JBS_Forever (updating)

 Tony gives Peter a panic button. He should have known better than to think the kid would actually use it when he was in trouble.

Comments: A Stressed Out Dad Tony basically I love his spiderson

Tony Stark: Terrible Villain Extraordinaire by starspangledsprocket

In a universe where Tony’s drive for retribution over Obie’s betrayal turns him into a villain (kinda), he finds himself at a strange impasse with leader of the Avengers, Captain America.

Comments: Pairing: (Pre) Steve/TonyHe really doesn’t know how to villain lmao it’s a really cute AU and I always love fanfic Steve

Reunion by the_writer1988 (updating)

In Civil War, Tony and Pepper are on a break… yet the events of Siberia may just bring them back together and towards a future Tony had wanted for them ever since 2008.

Comments: Pairing: Pepper/Tony focusedBecause Marvel doesn’t show us how they get back togetherI love that this fic doesn’t just gloss over it, it is a working progress, for both of them, and it’s not always sunshines and rainbows.

Kidding Around by MusicalLuna

Tony may not be the most self-aware guy in the world, but there are a few things he knows:1. Iron Man and Tony Stark are one and the same,2. he’d make a terrible father,3. and his teammates don’t trust him.So naturally, he’s the only man left standing when Loki ages them all back to toddlers. This is going to go well.

Comments: AU where the Avengers actually love Tony only they didn’t know how to show it. Fluff and angst.

What Water Is by heyjupiter

Bruce Banner went back to India in hopes of keeping his head down and staying out of trouble, but Tony Stark sought him out for some unqualified advice.

Comments: Pairing: (Past) Bruce/TonyFilling in the reason why Tony, out of all places, chooses India.Very gentle and sweet, and I just love how they capture the dynamics between Tony and Bruce.

Take Hold of Your Broken Heart (You Don’t Owe Them Any Part of You) by HarperRose (Harper_Rose) (updating)

It takes a teenager, a series of phone calls, and a selfless act followed by a selfish one to heal Tony’s broken heart. And he might just find family along the way.

Comments: I love a good post civil war Tony centric fic, not too bitter, not too forgiving, it’s believable, and it’s constructive. I always love it when Tony is like why be bitter when you can be better

There’s a First Time for Everything by sydiy5bea (updating)

Life’s been rough for Tony these past few weeks. From the move to the Accords to a freaking teenager… yeah, he’s got his hands full. When a spaceship crashes in his backyard, it doesn’t really phase him. He honestly should’ve expected as much.

Comments: Looking forward to their updates, because the Guardians crashing on Tony’s backyard is always a promising fun ride, and now throw Spider in the mix, yes please :D

[emperor-lover]

Playlist :: #1) The Aftermath

- a “listen while you read” oneshot series -

Title: The Aftermath - Fromm feat. NU’EST Minhyun With: Hwang Minhyun Warnings: Angst i guess? and reference to mature content

Trying out a new writing style for this series, hope you enjoy, also warning this is kinda angsty. The first paragraph was inspired by something I read on tumblr yearsss ago but i dont remember the source :( also ive been feeling a bit moody like this recently lmao must be the spring. ENJOY

A friend once told you that the worst way relationships end isn’t when it becomes a bunch of one-sided feelings or from a bad break-up. In fact, it’s not even one of the pair dying. The worst way to end a relationship is when two people that you can’t see without the other, two people that you know were meant for each other, just...grow apart. Two people who were so very, very close just stop talking and become strangers.

You rarely get a day where you have the chance to sit down and recover from the strenuous life of being an idol. 25 years old and already plagued with health issues from years of lack of sleep, stress and dancing pains, it’s not surprising that you’ve become a homebody. You’ve always preferred staying at home, having a quiet night watching a drama or a movie, instead of loud parties fuelled with alcohol and crowds of people you don’t know.

Switching on the TV, you settle down on your couch, wrapping yourself up in your blanket and sipping on your cup of tea. Flipping through the on-screen tv guide, a heading catches your eye and you gingerly press the button, redirecting you to the channel.

-Mnet [Star Zoom In!] Hwang Minhyun-

The first meeting, you were both 15, young and completely full of hopes and dreams. It had been a typical first meeting. Same high school, same group of friends, two idol trainees about to embark into the entertainment industry.

“Y/N, when I debut and win my first number one on a music show, I’m going to ask you to be my girlfriend, and you have to say yes okay?”

“Yah, Hwang Minhyun? What are you talking about??”

“I’m serious okay!!” Minhyun had laughed as he swung his bag over his shoulder, “Catch you later!”

Minhyun had debuted much earlier than you. 2012 and only 16 years old, him and the rest of NU’EST were some of the youngest boys on the stage. You felt a sense of pride seeing your best friend up on stage, performing brilliantly. You couldn’t wait for the day that you might be able to share the stage with him.

Debuting 15th place on Melon with Face, you were amazed by the feedback they were receiving. You were certain that they were beginning to make their mark on the kpop world.

“Y/N! I just met Yoo Jaesuk sunbaenim and he paid for our meal!!”

“You’re kidding, no way!”

“I have a photo to prove it!”

“I’m so jealous! You’re doing so well Minhyun-ah, I’m proud of you!”

“Hang in there Y/N, when you debut, I’m sure you’ll be able to meet him too!”

“I hope so!!”

How naïve it was to think everything would be sunshine and rainbows as soon as one debuted. The hardship only began from here, but both of you hadn’t even realised yet. You recognised this boy shown on the screen, 18 years old, dancing in a fluorescent backless green top, smiling brightly into the camera.

“Wow, the styling for Sleep Talking is no joke.”

“Ah it’s so embarrassing...”

“The song is catchy though! Your live vocals have definitely improved!!”

“Do you reckon we’ll be able to get our first win with it though?”

“I hope you do!”

It must’ve been hard for him. Being so young, having so many dreams that weren’t being fulfilled. You on the other hand had just begun. Preparations for your own debut were nearly finalised and you were excited to share the news with him. Teaser images were being released tomorrow and you were the first one up. The leader.

“Wow Y/N! You’re the leader! That’s amazing! Jonghyunnie says to share some of your tips with him!” Minhyun had laughed his beautiful deep laughter.

“Nooo, tell Jonghyun that he’s the one that needs to give me advice, I don’t think I’m ready for this...”

“Y/N...I believe in you. I believe you can do it.”

You look at your phone and sighed. Tomorrow would be your group’s 7 year anniversary. You had survived the 7 year curse, and you were happy. You felt blessed that the group you’re in is so friendly and talented, and absolutely adored by everyone. You were in a “miracle” group they called it. Multitalented entertainers and soloists, who had pierced not only the music industry but also the acting, variety and global ones by storm. They were some of your best friends, as well as your family. People you couldn’t imagine your life without.

“Congrats on your first win Y/N!! Here’s to many more to come!” Minhyun raised his glass of grapefruit ade up into the air, and you did the same with yours.

Clinking your glasses together, you felt your heart ache. Your heart was aching because Minhyun was well and truly, 100% happy for you. Not a single sign of envy or jealousy, just so much pride and joy for all your achievements.

And 7 years ago, you also could never imagine your life without Minhyun. He was your closest, your dearest, your best friend. Someone you’d known since the beginning of high school, someone who’d you seen blossom through the awkward teen stage (and vice versa), and someone who you shared a bond that was different to anyone you’d ever met.

“Yah, Hwang Minhyun, stop taking selfies on my phone!”

He grinned, pouting his lips at you, “Only if you give me a kiss first!”

“One day I’ll really kiss you and you’ll be sorry!”

You tried to snatch your phone from him, but he held it up out of your reach. He had ignored your protests and continued to snap photos, giggling to himself at all the dumb filters he had been using. Finally something in you snapped, and you reached up grabbing his face with both hands and planting your lips on his.

His hand holding your phone slipped down to grasp the side of your waist, and the other entwined itself in your hair, as he kissed you back. You hadn’t been expecting this response, both of you always joked about physical affection, and loving each other, but you had never realised how much both of you had actually wanted it. His arms tightened round you, as he deepened the kiss, and your own hands reached out to clutch his shirt.

He was way too good at this. And you were enjoying it way too much. ‘Never been in a relationship my arse,’ you thought to yourself as his tongue traced your lower lip before gently slipping into your mouth. Suddenly, remembering your original intent, your hand reached down to pluck your phone out of his hand, and you begrudgingly forced yourself to break away and stepped back triumphantly.

“Got it!”

Blushing and looking absolutely ravished, the two of you stared at each other for a long moment before breaking out into breathless laughter.

You were amazed at how easy it was to keep your relationship hidden. The two of you were always overly careful, always thinking of how volatile your careers were, especially if a scandal were to break out. You’d hang out in each others dorms, and sometimes even risked going to the movie theatre at the coex or a small cafe together. At the time, however, it was more likely that you’d be the one recognised. Minhyun didn’t even need to wear a mask and he could walk round without being mobbed or noticed. That didn’t matter to the two of you though. As long as you could spend time together, you were both happy.

The TV screen darkened and you glanced up in time to see a clip of one of the comeback stages for Goodbye Bye.

“Y/N? The company just told me that we’re going to Japan next week”

You nodded, you had expected this, NU’EST always had lots of activities in Japan so you were used to Minhyun flying back and forth. This didn’t mean you liked not having him near you though.

Hugging him closer to you, you buried your face into his neck, “Will you be back to celebrate your birthday?”

His hand that was patting your hair gently, stilled.

“I’m going to be gone for 10 months.” he whispered softly

This time, you couldn’t stop yourself from tensing up. 10 months without Minhyun by your side. Almost a whole year in another country. You chided yourself as you fought back tears. You of all people should know that your job as an idol meant you’d have to work round each others’ hectic schedules. Taking a deep breath, you stepped back and nodded up at him, eyes shining.

“I understand, steal all of Japan’s heart, like you stole mine, Hwang Minhyun!”

And he kissed you. Over and over and over again, his soft lips pressed sweetly onto yours, your cheek, your neck. You could feel the gentle caress of his fingers on your skin, fingers fumbling over each others clothes, a wordless but passionate exchange full of love and emotion. As he pulled you over onto his bed, you lost yourself in the feelings, drowning in the sensations, trying to remember everything that was Hwang Minhyun.

The TV was a blur as it whizzed through 2016. Overcome and Love Paint had been two of your favourite albums. You knew that the boys were proud of their albums they were producing, but for some reason, the public never seem to appreciate them. Or even know they existed.

Something about Minhyun had changed when he came back from Japan. He was even more driven, even more determined than before. Trying his hand in writing and composing songs. You had listened to them in awe, absolutely amazed by the musicianship that he possessed. Plus you never realised how beautiful he would look with blond hair until you had witnessed it yourself.

“Y/N! We’re nominated for our first win!! Do you remember 5 years ago when I said that when I get my first win, I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend?? I’ll finally be able to do that!”

You grumbled jokingly, “So what have we been for the past 3 years?”

You’ll never forget the pure elation on his face. His eyes sparkling with so much hope.

So it’s understandable that Minhyun was upset when even after three nominations in a row, they still came short as second best.

Even you had difficulty trying to cheer him up.

“9th Place...Pledis...Hwang Minhyun!”

You laughed bitterly at the T.V. screen. The editors at Mnet must’ve had a blast putting this video together. Minhyun’s life is like their perfect fairy tale. It’s one that’s easily exploitable to get them their views. Not many people can claim this kind of reversal in their life.

“Vote for me, Pledis Entertainment trainee Hwang Minhyun.”

He hadn’t told you. None of the boys had.

You had found out through countless news articles crying foul that a 5 year idol group would be appearing on Produce 101 season 2. You felt a bitter taste in your mouth though. No one cared about them before but suddenly everyone thinks they’re oh so famous and guaranteed to steal spots in the final line up.

You didn’t blame the boys for not telling you though, how could you? It’s a drastic step to strip your status as an idol and go and compete against trainees. It would’ve been a battle of pride, a battle against the world and against themselves. What’s worse is that even as 5 year idols, you can’t even guarantee if they’ll do well, because voting has been so unpredictable.

They’re still young, so talented and deserving of praise.

Videos of Minhyun in Wanna One were now playing. The legendary nation’s boy group that had swept the charts immediately upon debut. Emperor Hwang and his honey voice reaching your ears. You ran your gaze up over his sharp jawline, the apples of his cheeks, and finally, to his beautiful eye smile. It should all be familiar to you, you realised, remembering back to the times when you had traced your fingers down the length of his face, trying to engrave all his features into your memory.

You blinked at the screen. This Minhyun...was a stranger to you.

When was the last time you had even talked to Minhyun?

A day before the Produce 101 finale concert, you found yourself at the NU’EST dorm.

“Minhyun-ah, congratulations of getting into the top 11.”

He didn’t say anything but just gazed at you, his eyes taking in all your features. Things were different now, you had seen his tears in the finale. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions and Minhyun was still trying to take it all in. His popularity was still skyrocketing and his career would only further expand from here. You both knew it.

“I get my phone taken off me starting from tomorrow. This will be the last day in a while that I’ll be able to contact you.” He reached for your hand and kissed your palm gently.

“I love you.”

Once upon time, you were able to close your eyes and mentally visualise the details of Minhyun’s face without a thought. Now, everything was a blur of skin and a smudge of black.

You had tried to keep yourself updated with Minhyun’s activities in Wanna One, but it was hard on top of your own busy life. However, you had caught the clip of when he’d talked about how he’d never been in a relationship before on Happy Together, and you felt a unpleasant pang in your chest.

He still hadn’t gotten his phone back after his first win, so you couldn’t even congratulate him properly. You found it funny that it had come to the point where you were much closer with NU’EST-W than Minhyun himself. That’s actually how you found out. That when Minhyun had eventually gotten his phone back, he hadn’t even contacted you.

You felt ashamed that you even thought for a second that he would remember that promise about asking you to be his girlfriend after his first win. What did you expect though, almost over half a year without seeing each other, without speaking to each other, of course he wouldn’t contact you. At least when he was in Japan, you could still message each other almost every day.

Even after Wanna One had disbanded, and NU’EST were back as 5, you contacted JR, Aron, Dongho and Minki much more than Minhyun. The two of you just never seemed to have a chance to talk. Hell, you seemed to be closer friends with Ong Seongwoo and Kang Daniel than you were to Minhyun.

For a single, brief moment, you thought you could remember his infectious laughter, whispering touches, and butterfly kisses but the moment passed and there was nothing. Not even a hint.

You stared back at his smiling face.

Now he was nothing but a stranger.

The clip on TV draws to a close, reminding viewers to not miss Minhyun’s debut stage tomorrow.

You find it ironic that you’re going to be the one interviewing him about his solo debut tomorrow night. Out of all the shows he’s going on, yours is the first. And of all days of the year he’s debuting, it’s on the same date as your own group’s anniversary.

It’s almost as if fate is reaching out to give you both another chance.

Will you take it though? One more sleep and you’ll find out soon enough.

End.

[sugakookiessss]

tagged by @01bri . thank you so much!!!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: peach green tea from starbucks 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: my friend viviana bc i was telling her about this old lady giving me the stink-eye for blasting celia cruz out the car lol 4. Song you listened to: tequila by g.soul

5. Time you cried: last night over how good haechan looked in cherry bomb (REBLOG IF YOU AGREE LMAO)

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: nope, and wouldnt want to. if we broke up we gonna stay broken up lol 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: havent kissed anyone 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yes, sadly 10. Been depressed: yup, but i think my depression is well handled now 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah man, im a child of jesus 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: maroon/crimson, forest green, & dusty rose

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes! 16. Fallen out of love: lol, never been in love 17. Laughed until you cried: every damn day lmao 18. Found out someone was talking about you: mhm, and i shut that shit down real quick. dont mess with a cuban/italian lmao 19. Met someone who changed you: my friend caleb 20. Found out who your friends are: yes, and im glad i have. i dont need any more negativity in my life 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think pretty much all of them except for like 5 or so 23. Do you have any pets: i have a cat named sammi and he is the spawn of satan LMFAO 24. Do you want to change your name: i used to when i was little because i thought it was boring, but now i really like and appreciate it 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went out with two friends for lunch, and then we blasted suavemente and danced in the best buy parking lot at like 10:30 at night XD 26. What time did you wake up: around 1:30pm. it wouldve been later but my mom said she brought home mcdonalds lol 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: facetiming my friend viviana and crying over how good haechan looked in the cherry bomb mv 28. Name something you can’t wait for: GRADUATION!!!!!!! SENIOR YEAR BITCHES LETS MAKE IT GOOD 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 5 mins ago lol

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: bring my friend caleb back 31. What are you listening to right now: myself typing this long ass q&a post lmfao 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: idk probably 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ignorant and uneducated people like ughhhhhh 34. Most visited websites: probably youtube, my online course website, and buzzfeed bc i love to procrastinate by doing a quiz when i should be doing my classes lol

35. Mole/s: i have like 3 on my neck ( 2 of them are close together so it looks like a vampire bite, i know its dope asf lmao) 36. Mark/s: i have a bunch of beauty marks/freckles all over my body, plus scars on my legs for being a complete idiot as a kid who thought she was fucking superman at the playground XD 37. Childhood dream: to become a marine biologist, or go to hogwarts (idgaf about marine biology anymore, but im still pressed i never got my acceptance letter to hogwarts) 38. Hair color: naturally blonde, but its dyed to a redish-brown now 39. Long or short hair: medium-long hair 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope, all the boys at my school crusty asf 41. What do you like about yourself: my sense of humor, my sass and wittiness (basically my personality in general), and my eyes 42. Piercings: 2 on each lobe 43. Blood type: idk but i think its AB 44. Nickname: tori and grandpa lol 45. Relationship status: single and an independent woman who dont need no man 46. Zodiac: taurus/gemini cusp 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: rupauls drag race, and impractical jokers

49. Tattoos: none yet, but when i turn 18 next year im getting one for my bday and more down the line

50. Right or left hand: leftie! 51. Surgery: none, thank jisoos 52. Hair dyed in different color: shit my hair has been the whole fucking rainbow lmfao. ive dyed it red, magenta, pastel pink, dark blue, red/brown, and purple.

53. Sport: i used to play volleyball and basketball but i ended up breaking my ankle so its difficult to run around now (also im a lazy piece of shit too lmao) 55. Vacation: i just recently went to savannah, ga & washington d.c to see some family (me and my cousin binge watched the harry potter series the whole time it was lit) 56. Pair of trainers: im guessing we talking about sneakers. the only nice ones i got are my adidas, the rest are like converse and keds lol

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i had sushi for dinner. blessed the fuck up 58. Drinking: peach green tea from starbucks lol 59. I’m about to: finish working on my english project (kill me pls) 61. Waiting for: monsta x first win (wow i love triggering myself) :) 62. Want: PEOPLE TO STOP SLEEPING ON MONSTA X SO THEY CAN GET THEIR FIRST WIN FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD ASDFGHJKLDKDFK 63. Get married: i dont think i want to get married bc i dont like feeling like im held down. maybe when im on the verge of becoming a crazy cat lady i’ll reconsider lol

64. Career: music producer, psychologist, or private investigator

65. Hugs or kisses: i dont really have a preference but i guess hugs 66. Lips or eyes: EYES! 67. Shorter or taller: i would like someone taller than me idk just bc

68. Older or younger: older, but not by too much. i think the max would be like 5 years older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: IM A SUCKER FOR SOME NICE ARMS LIKE SDJSDLKNAFGK;FKFd 71. Sensitive or loud: LOUD. i cant have someone too sensitive it would drive me insane. i have a really strong personality, so if you sensitive as shit you’d probably cry just bc i looked at you lmfao 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: probably somewhere in the middle. i dont want someone who is too scared/hesitant to do anything fun, but i dont want someone who will put me in a lot of bad situations. just a little mischievous lol

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: possbily vodka oF COURSE I HAVENT I AM A CHILD OF JESUSSSSSSSS 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: my grandma freaking threw my glasses in the trashcan when i asked her to hold them while i went to play basketball with my neighbor 77. Turned someone down: many times lmao 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: possibly idk 80. Had your heart broken: by my biases bc they dont know i exist :’) 81. Been arrested: nah, and lets keep it that way lol 82. Cried when someone died: of course, im not that heartless 83. Fallen for a friend:i dont think i have

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: 100% 85. Miracles: no

86. Love at first sight: lmfao no 87. Santa Claus: when i was little 88. Kiss on the first date: depends

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ayszha 91. Eye color: hazel 92. Favorite movie:harry potter and the order of the pheonix

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:

@won-markiepooh-woo @joshuahxng-kong @owopinky @echoayszha @puppyoongs @shownu-the-muscles @skittleluver101 @trollintraining @blockbyung @u-r-my-bias @puervy @tahyungs @jinn1e @min-yoongle @ole-dole-peaches @minyoong-ii @spidermalfoy11 @johnnys-hypewoman @sunshine-hoseok @joishua

(pretty much just tagged my mutuals. you dont have to do this if you dont want to, and if i didnt tag you and you would like to do this tag go right ahead!)

[mrsbluebertgreggleson]

Okay I’ll admit, some little bits of the episode fell a little flat to me - like they were trying too hard for quirky funny humor and it wasn’t A.) in character or B.) that funny - but FUCKING MAN, Bill’s ordeal! My sweet little Bill, with a huge gaping hole in her beautiful black gay heart, instead of rainbows and sunshine like there should be! My sweet little Bill, breaking my heart by getting turned into a robot! (So Missy cyberconverted my darling Danny, Prime Master cyberconverted my sweet Bill.) I refuse to believe she can’t be helped somehow - that shot of her eye (crying! my baby! I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY NOT TO MAKE HER CRY, MOFFAT) meant she’s still human inside and that means she’s not totally gone and the Doctor’s going to help her in some amazing way that’ll make his slightly more anti-hero character get a satisfyingly idealistic hero send-off.

I mean, if she doesn’t, I’m going to feel really bad for so thoroughly enjoying the end of that episode. It dragged a bit earlier, fell flat a bit earlier, but DAMN the second I realized I’d been fooled by Grimy Man and that Grimy Man was the eagerly anticipated return of Prime Master - !!! When Prime Master got all giggly about meeting his future self! When him and Missy just IMMEDIATELY started getting along and working together and flirting, like goddamn I was really growing on the idea of Missy, Bill, and Nardole as this Doctor’s companions and being really bitter we couldn’t get a whole season of fun hijinx with that, BUT EVIL MISSY IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT.*

* I mean, she seemed a little torn about betraying the Doctor at first and I think she did just give up on the idea of his forgiveness and reembrace her old evil self (ha) when she realized what her past self did, but I’m kind of okay with that just because, like Meg from SPN, she’s too great a villain for me to really want her to turn good. The glimpses of redemption and friendship make for a really great villain, anyway.

I DIG IT, MAN. I knew it’d be Cybermen going in and idk if they wrote the episode expecting the audience to know the spoilers the way I think they did with the Missy-in-the-Vault reveal, but I think they didn’t and the big spooky mystery was unfortunately a little ruined for me because of that. But I still really enjoyed realizing how it figured into the Cybermen’s history.

idk, I’m going to have to rewatch this knowing what I know now, because this is definitely one with rewatch value.

ETA: Nardole pointing at the Doctor having “emotions” and taking a selfie with him is exactly why I love Nardole, lmao. The Doctor totally deserves him (and like he’s actually a really good companion in his own right, even though he didn’t get as much attention in the narrative as Bill, but I’d prefer too little of a good thing to overdoing the good thing until it gets spoiled like with some past companions).