#this episode is about performance it’s about love it’s about mirrors

[beatsheetromanroy]

body swap episode let’s go!!! it’s a cursed object or some nasty, powerful spellwork. it zaps rowena, dean, and cas who are all in the same room together. rowena becomes dean, cas becomes rowena, dean becomes cas. jack walks into the room and with the ability to see people’s souls, recognizes everyone immediately. poor sam now has to see the woman he has feelings for in the body of his brother and he’s NOT having a good time!! rowena in dean is all loose, confident, flirty, she charms cas in her own body which drives sam and dean INSANE (for totally different reasons obviously.) it would be so fun to see rowena-cas stiff, serious, and genuine. cas realizes the deep attachment he’s grown to his body. dean’s freaking out about the possibility of needing to pee or take a shower. “I’m not gonna look at some other dude’s junk, that’s not cool!” meanwhile cas informs him that he won’t need to, “there’s enough grace left over in my vessel that will eliminate the need for bodily functions” forcing dean to act disappointed “oh, good” (he says lying) while he tries to actively avoid feeling up cas’ pecs.

[ohproserpine]

ii. deer dolly

part i | part ii | more | ao3

tags: fem! reader, reader is a performer in a speakeasy, human! possibly ooc! alastor so he's a bit more "tame" here, unsettling & obsessive behavior, jealousy, possessiveness, written before episode 7; may become inaccurate, unwanted advances (not by alastor), murder, graphic descriptions of injuries

As the days unfolded into weeks, Alastor remained true to his word. A routine soon formed between the two of you: he would make regular visits to the speakeasy, engage in polite conversations with Mimzy, and take his usual seat to enjoy your performance.

In time, Alastor's interactions with you grew more intimate. And one night, following the success of one of your busiest night and biggest show, he surprised you with a beautiful necklace. Pulling you into your dressing room, Alastor asked for permission to formally court you. Without hesitation, you agreed, and in a burst of affection, proceeded to kiss him within an inch of your life. 

Since then, Alastor had begun to take you on dates outside the speakeasy. He whisked you away to quaint diners, lively jazz joints, and even introduced you to his mother—a sweet woman who welcomed you with open arms.

Throughout your time together, not a single one of your performances escaped Alastor'. Why would they? For him, your shows were the very essence of color in his otherwise dull and monotonous existence. His devotion to you almost mirrored religious fervor as he attended each of your shows like an impassioned disciple in the dimly lit speakeasy pews.

Your voice became a spell, luring Alastor like a foolish sailor drawn to a siren's call. In those moments, the world faded away, and he followed the melody with an irresistible pull, captivated by thoughts of you, you, you.

Only you.

Tonight, however, was anything but ordinary.

Alastor, following his usual routine, occupied his customary spot at the pub, savoring his whiskey with slow sips from his glass. However, the comforting rhythm of the night, which he had grown used to, was broken when the band screeched to a halt, the shrill notes of the violin cutting through the air. Immediately, the pub erupted in a chorus of boos and shouts.

Alastor blinked, his smile turning strained as he noticed a man stumble onto the stage. It was clear that he was intoxicated, moving about as gracefully as a headless chicken, as he made his way towards you, nearly knocking you off your feet.

Noticing the commotion, Mimzy clicked her tongue, slammed her drink onto the counter, and swiftly rose to her feet. She rushed to the stage, the glitters on her vibrant dress catching the dim lights of the speakeasy.

“Why, I oughta—" she began to seethe, as she stomped towards the stage, finger wagging in the air. “That’s the fifth time this week, Giovanni!”

"Ah, Mimzy! Jus' wanted to surprise my sweetheart," Giovanni slurred, his thick accent muddled as he clumsily leaned into you, head tucking into your neck.

Snap.

Alastor felt a visceral reaction, something within him snapping as the glass in his hand cracked under the strain of his grip. The fractured crevices dug into his skin, and golden liquor seeped out, mixing with crimson red blood.

As a regular performer at this pub, your popularity was unquestionable, and Alastor was not entirely pleased with the attention you garnered from other men. If given the opportunity, he would have you whisked away from this place. In his eyes, your voice was too lovely for a place like this. Your talent deserved a grander stage than the confines of this tacky establishment.

“Ahah,” you smiled awkwardly, shuffling away and shrugging the man's arms off of you. “Not your sweetheart, Giovanni…”

"Are you not happy to see me, carina?" Giovanni’s voice dropped to a whisper, his hand dropping to grip you by the waist. He leaned his face in closer, and you cringed. The man's breath reeked of alcohol, and his eyes were a bloodshot red. “Come on~ I came all the way to see you.”

“Ya' can go see and do whatevah the fuck you want with her after the show!” Mimzy scowled, stomping her heels onto the wooden flooring. “Can't have a moment of peace in here. Someone get him off my stage!”

"I'll do whatever the fuck I want!" Giovanni retorted, his anger bubbling over as he lashed out, kicking the microphone stand in Mimzy's direction. She barely dodged in time, the crash of the mic hitting the floor drowned out by the screeching feedback.

"Please. Just go," you pleaded, your patience wearing thin. "Why? Why do you always have to make a scene?"

"Ay, carina, don't get bratty with me. Let's talk in the back," Giovanni insisted, his grip on your shoulders tightening as he attempted to pull you off the stage. But before he could, Mimzy's guards intervened, forcefully yanking him away.

"Hey! Get ya' hands off'a me!"

Turning around, you rushed to get off the stage, but Giovanni somehow managed to break free and extended his hand, trying to grab onto you. Panic welled up within you as his hand reached out, but relief followed when he was abruptly stopped by none other than Alastor.

"Now, now," Alastor's voice had a lilt as he held onto Giovanni's wrist, but the venom woven into each word was unmistakable. His ever-present smile stretched wide, serving as a clear warning. "Causing a commotion isn't the best way to impress a lady."

"This ain't none of ya’ business. Let go’a me!" Giovanni scowled, attempting to wring his hand out of the brunette's iron grip. Alastor merely chuckled and adjusted his glasses with his free hand, the unsettling grin still playing on his lips throughout the exchange.

"This ain't none of ya’ business. Let go’a me!" Giovanni scowled, attempting to wriggle his hand out of the brunette's iron grip. Alastor merely chuckled, adjusting his glasses with his free hand, the unsettling grin still playing on his lips throughout the exchange.

"Ha ha! Kind sir, when someone disrupts a delightful performance, it becomes everyone's business," Alastor laughed, the sound of it tinged with sarcasm.

"But I must commend you. My, that impromptu performance of yours was quite remarkable; you truly made a wonderful spectacle of yourself!" Alastor's grin widened, his mocking tone drawing out laughter from the crowd.

Then, Alastor bent down to meet Giovanni face to face, his amusement fading. 

“Though I think you've overstayed your welcome, no?” Alastor's grip tightened around Giovanni's wrist, the pressure leaving bruises in its wake, hues of purple, green, and blue blossoming beneath the skin.

Alastor's grin turned sharp. "You will leave. Now."

"F-Fuck are you gonna do if I don’t, aye?" Giovanni spat, attempting to maintain a façade of bravado despite the pain. He tore his hand away from Alastor's grip, cradling his wrist. "Ya' think you can tell me what to fucking do?!"

"Hmm. I would at least advise you to salvage whatever dignity you have left and leave. If you had even a dust of intelligence in that hollow head of yours, that would have been the first thing you'd have done," Alastor chuckled.

“Damn right. Ya ain't got no fuckin place in my establishment,” Mimzy scowled, snapping her fingers and gesturing towards the men surrounding Giovanni. “Take him away, boys!”

As Mimzy’s goons surrounded him again, Giovanni sneered, "This ain't over."

"Oh, my dear pal, I assure you, it is very much over. The lady has made her wishes very clear," Alastor grinned.

With a final snarl, Giovanni was forcibly led away from the scene, his protests fading into the background as Mimzy's guards escorted him out. Mimzy wasted no time, bustling backstage and barking orders to her staff to clean up and prepare the stage once more.

Alastor's charismatic facade returned as he turned to you, though a glint of irritation lingered in his eyes. "Apologies you had to see that, cher. Let's hope the rest of the evening proceeds much more smoothly."

"I hope so." With a sigh, your gaze shifted downward, and you spotted his injured hands. The glass he had broken earlier had left wounds all over his calloused palms — not deep, but enough to draw blood.

Concern etched across your face, and you gently touched Alastor's hands. The radio host, accustomed to your touch by now, allowed you to inspect the damage.

"You're hurt," you pointed out, caressing his skin.

Alastor met your gaze with a reassuring smile. "Ah, this is just a trifle. A mere inconvenience, I assure you! My, I've endured far worse during hunting, darling! This is hardly worth mentioning."

"But—" you began, only to be interrupted by his finger pushing against your red lips.

"Worry not, cher. I'll take care of it. There's no need to play nurse," he spoke with finality, as if this was a matter not open to further argument.

"Alright," You managed a small smile. "I am really sorry things turned out this way, Al. I didn't know Giovanni was going to show up again. He's always been like that for as long as I can remember. I told him to stop but he never does."

"No need for apologies. None of this fault is on you, darling. Though it does add a touch of excitement to otherwise mundane affairs, doesn't it?" Alastor chuckled heartily, though you sensed there was a bitter undertone to his laugh.

"Excitement? That man is a shitshow just waiting to happen," Mimzy returned and walked up to both of you, rolling her eyes. "And I thought I got rid of him for good..."

Suddenly, she leaned in with cosmetics in hand, deftly swiping lipstick across your lips and delicately brushing blush on your face. "Now come on, dollface, let's get you back to that stage."

You realize you're still on shift, but the thought of performing feels nearly impossible at the moment, especially with all this lingering adrenaline in your system. Admittedly, you're a bit shaken up, and all you want is to curl up by Alastor's side and savor the night with a drink in hand. 

"Oh, Mimzy…I'm not sure I can really perform right now, love. I feel…" you slowly trailed off, faltering under the weight of Mimzy's hardened gaze.

The blonde cooed out your name, her fingers gently wrapping around your arm, soothingly rubbing it up and down. "Dollface, you're not here to question; you're here to perform! Alastor here has been so kind to get rid of your little problem. Now, let's get back up on that stage and do what you're good at."

"Pardon?" Alastor snapped with a raised brow, his usually jovial tone replaced by a sharper edge. "Well, I don't mind in the least. In fact, I rather enjoyed putting that simpleton in his place. I'm sure your patrons can afford to wait, can't they? This poor dear is still shaking in her heels!"

But you intervened, mustering a smile and smoothing down the wrinkles on your dress while nervously tending to your hair. "Oh no, Al, it's alright. Mimzy's right. I can't just let one man ruin my entire night."

With a deep breath, you steeled yourself, taking a moment to compose before adding, "Besides, the show must go on, right?"

Alastor paused, his eyes narrowing as he studied your nervous tics. The radio host silently appraised your form for a few more seconds before eventually giving in. "Hmm, very well. If that's what you wish."

"Thank you, Al," you whispered with a smile, tilting your head up to press a kiss against his cheek. Your lipstick had left an imprint on his bronze skin, but he made no move to wipe it off.

With a chuckle, Alastor leaned back into you and returned the gesture warmly. 

"I'll take care of everything, doll," he whispered, voice low, before pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. "He won't ever bother you again."

Confused, you blinked up at him with those bright eyes he loved so much. "How do you plan to do that, Al?" you asked, but he ignored you, staring at you with that unsettling look in his eyes again.

Alastor suddenly raised your hand to his lips, brushing the knuckles with gentle pecks, causing your mind to blank and cheeks to go aflame. 

Tapping her foot impatiently, Mimzy's irritation grew as the display of affection lingered longer than she deemed appropriate. With a swift swat of her hand against the man's shoulder, she hissed at him. "That's enough outta you!"

Alastor smirked to himself and began walking back, seemingly satisfied with the subtle disturbance he had caused. He was such a bastard, but he was yours.

With a shake of your head and a smitten blush gracing your cheeks, you returned to the stage. The blinding spotlight enveloped you as Mimzy tossed the microphone back into your waiting hands. 

Meanwhile, Alastor reclined in his seat at the booth, his gaze fixed intently on you as you resumed your performance. The audience, having brushed off the brief interruption, eagerly redirected their focus to you.

Rabbit, rabbit! Won't you run away? Don't give the farmer all his fun today~ He'll get by without his rabbit pie. So run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run!

As you neared the end of the song, Alastor joined the crowd's applause, rhythmically snapping his fingers together.

Wonderful, as always.

.

Snap.

The sudden, jarring sound shattered the stillness of the forest, followed by a shrill scream that seemed to shake the trees. Giovanni's hands instinctively shot down to his ankle, where his bone had twisted in a gruesome sight that sent bile rushing to his throat. However, he had no time to inspect the damages as a rustling bush caught his attention. Desperately, the man began crawling on the ground, doing his best to move farther away, dragging mud and dirt all over his body.

"Don't give the farmer his fun. Fun. Fun," emerging from thick shrubs, Alastor sang lowly as he continued his slow advance, relishing in the fear that emanated from his prey. He raised his hand, fingers idly tracing over the red mark on your lips, and if he focused hard enough, he could still feel the burn of your affections. "He'll get by without his rabbit pie."

The dense forest around them seemed to close in, casting eerie shadows as Alastor's menacing silhouette moved closer. Giovanni, now gasping for breath, cast terrified glances over his shoulder, desperately searching for an escape route.

"So run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run," Alastor continued to trail after the man, his axe slung over his strong shoulders, a sinister grin etched on his lips.

Ah, it had been so long since he last pursued larger prey, opting for smaller catches like rabbits and squirrels lately. This, however, was a different kind of pursuit, and the thrill was delicious.

“It's rather unsavory to disrupt a live performance,” Alastor mused, gripping his axe and running his bandaged palm along the side of the blade. "Oh, the misery! Each performance interrupted, a masterpiece marred!"

“Though I suppose you redeemed yourself with your own impromptu circus show,” Alastor snickered, reaching down and seizing Giovanni’s sprained ankle, dragging the screaming man back toward him.

"Good show!" The radio host grinned as he pressed his feet against Giovanni's back to prevent him from escaping. Alastor raised the axe high, the glint of the blade reflecting the crazed gleam in his eyes.

"Now, let's see how this act ends."

With a practiced swing, he brought the blade down, chunks of flesh and blood spraying onto his clothing and skin from the impact. Alastor laughed as the light gradually faded from the man's eyes, his once-struggling arms and legs now falling limp.

“What a show!”

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Let me just say, I absolutely adore your writing so much!! Your More Than Anything series with Vox is honestly one of, if not my favorite Vox series!!!❤💙 I was wondering if you could do a kind of silly, fluffy imagine with Vox where they're in their early stages of flirting/crushing and the reader avoids the topic of kissing... because they think Vox isn't able to kiss with his screen? Literally before episode 8, the question in my mind was "Can the dorky TV man kiss?" And then we got confirmation he most DEFINITELY could 🤣 I just think it'd be so cute and funny for that to be something the reader was wondering as well but wasn't sure how to ask him about it without being weird lol

Oh my goodness, such high praise aaaa! I actually have a scene in my Ao3 fic based on the same concept! I'd be happy to write some awkward smoochums! This guy is such a fucking dork and I love him.

Assumptions [Vox x Reader Fluff]

You and Vox had been dating for a month and the overlord was on the verge of insanity. He knew that Valentino had much more intense needs when it came to physical affection than most, but he wasn't expecting such a drastic shift in needs when it came to you.

He knew that being in a real relationship was very different from what he'd experienced before with his fellow overlord. But he thought the two of you would have done something by now. Not even necessarily sex. (Although he'd definitely been fantasizing about that more than he cared to admit.)

The two of you had cuddled, slept in the same bed, and even h*ld h*nds, but you hadn't kissed yet and it wasn't for his lack of trying. He'd invited you on romantic dates and set up several perfect opportunities. But whenever he'd try to go for it, you'd always pull away before he had the chance.

He didn't understand. The two of you had been doing so well. You always seemed to be swept up in the little heated moments just as much as he was, so why?!

Vox had been completely distracted during his entire news segment and groaned as slipped into his secluded dressing room. If it wasn't for the fact that he caught sight of you in his mirror, he probably would have flipped out when he felt your arms slip around him from behind.

"What are you doing here?" he chuckled as he lifted a hand to rest on one of your arms.

"I missed you," you smile, squeezing him gently before letting go. "And I saw that..." you cringe. "Performance. You seemed off. Is something on your mind?"

Vox's eyes widened and he cursed himself mentally for putting on a subpar show in front of the camera. If you noticed, then the audience probably did as well. No one really gave half a fuck about the news, but ratings were ratings.

"It's nothing," Vox muttered. "It's just..."

He looks up at you with an unreadable expression and you gasp as he reaches up and gently takes hold of your chin. His brow furrows as he tucks your hair behind your ear and your heart races a million miles per second as he searches your blushing face for something. His eyes flick down to your lips and he slowly starts to lean, only for you to suddenly push him away.

"A-Anyways I just wanted to check in on you and see if we were still on for a movie tonight," you stammered.

Vox froze, not listening to your ramblings as he processed your deflection. He felt a sharp, cold sting of rejection in his chest and wondered if maybe you weren't as interested in the relationship as he hoped. His heart started to break, but then he noticed the way you were blushing.

"Why?" He asked quietly.

"Well, I just thought maybe you wanted to-"

"No," Vox grit his teeth as he grabbed you by the shoulders. "Why the fuck won't you kiss me? Every time I try, you pull away. We're dating, so why?"

You blinked up at him owlishly, your jaw hanging open before you grabbed his arms and breathed, "You can kiss?!"

Vox's brow furrowed as he looked you over, "Wh- The fuck are you on about? Yes, I can fucking kiss! I've been trying to kiss you for the past three goddamn weeks!"

You gasped before burying your face in your hands and groaning. "Oh my god, I thought... There were a couple times that I wondered, but this whole time I didn't think you could and I didn't want to be weird and..."

Vox stood taller as he processed your words. You didn't hate him. You weren't repulsed by him. You were just...

He burst out laughing, clutching his stomach as he absolutely lost it. "O-Oh my god! You're such a fucking idiot!"

Your face was burning with embarrassment. You knew he wasn't being malicious, but you were still mortified at the misunderstanding. "Oh shut up! It's not my fault you're a flat-faced fucker!"

You were about to go bury your shame into the couch, fully expecting him to hold this against you for the rest of the day, but you were barely able to take two steps before Vox intervened.

You let out a startled yelp as you felt his claws wrap around your arm and yank you back. In the split second it took you to blink, he'd trapped you against a wall. You flinched as his hands slammed against either side of your head, trapping you as he grinned down at you.

"You are so fucking stupid," he snickered.

Your face only grew warmer as your heart pounded with mixed anger, embarrassment, and something else entirely due to the position he had you in. His hand traces lightly over your cheek before cupping the side of your face as he looks at you with the softest expression you'd ever seen from him.

You gasp as he leans down and presses his lips against yours. Your entire body feels like tiny fireworks are dancing lightly over your skin. You shiver as your hands instinctively reach up to grasp at his vest when he pulls you close.

You're both breathing much harder than is necessary when he pulls away. For a moment you just look at each other with half-lidded gazes as you process the sparks that just metaphorically and literally flew. You were pretty sure a bulb went out due to the little bits of blue energy that sparked off of your boyfriend during the kiss.

Speaking of your dork, Vox breathlessly grinned as he squeezed your arms. He let out a small laugh before stepping away from you and turning as more little sparks flew.

"Fucking finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Vox yelled as he pumped his arms in the air and kicked his legs like a giddy child.

[actual-changeling]

We don't talk enough about the fact that RIGHT after Memento Mori we get an episode where a woman's fiance is killed and she loves him so much she literally brings (a version of) him back to life.

He died shortly before their wedding, and in the end she performs the ceremony with him and then releases his "soul" and mourns him. Scully and Mulder witness most of it.

I already mentioned the parallels to DeadAlive at some point:

But when you compare Kaddish to Memento Mori the similarities are practically screaming at you. The title itself refers to a Jewish prayer of mourning and fits perfectly.

Not only is the colour scheme the same just reversed, the actions and their positioning mirror each other too. Add to that the fact that these are Jewish traditions and thus by extension Mulder's traditions and you have a vortex of pain.

The woman's father even says that she tried to bring him back with her love—but he's merely a husk, a dead man walking. I think you could say that Scully is already a dead woman walking at this point, though by Redux it's quite literal. They both know that, they both were forced to confront it at the hospital, they are both aware that there's a timer looming above them as it ticks and ticks.

Mulder and Arial cannot accept reality, so they fight it with their beliefs. Belief in the truth, in God and her traditions, it all comes down to a matter of faith.

Here are some comparisons of what I consider to be the most important shots/parallels.

My favourite part, however, is the ending.

Scully shows up and helps Mulder back on his feet (he got knocked down by said semi-revived now-husband) and then asks him about what's happening.

Saying Goodbye.

We get a wonderful shot of Mulder's face as he says it, and oh look it's familiar devastation and grief! From the moment he learns about her diagnosis, Mulder is both preemptively grieving her and simultaneously refusing to accept any of it. No matter how far he tries to run from it, he'd never run from Scully and thus cannot escape her equally inescapable death sentence.

Arial had to accept the death of Isaac and Mulder has to accept Scully's fate.

Without wanting to, Mulder is already beginning to say goodbye and preparing himself for the loss he knows will destroy him. Everything Mulder does, from looking for a cure to celebrating her birthday because it might be her last, is his personal song of mourning—his prayer directed at everyone and no one.

He invented wishing her back to life and did it over and over again, however many times it takes; he needs her more than he needs to breathe.

[wellofdean]

how can a show be about hatred of women when there are no women in it who are important that aren't doomed by the narrative? now misogyny is for men? supernatural hates and kills women, and you want to claim that that the misogyny is towards the men? god forbid women do anything i guess.

You know what? Your unwillingness to own your opinion publicly and your tone notwithstanding, this is actually a good question, anon. You are referring to this post, I think.

Misogyny in its simplest definition is hatred of women. For me, though, that definition feels a bit too narrow and a bit too gender essentialist. As a rejector of gender essentialism, I would broaden that definition to say that misogyny is the hatred of that which is seen or understood as feminine, or all the things that appear to exist on that side of the binary -- man over woman, logic over intuition, rationality over emotionality, etc. The things on the feminine side are weak, irrational, soft, untrustworthy, dangerous.

I like philospher Kate Manne's take on it -- she calls misogyny the enforcement arm of the patriarchy in her excellent book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, arguing that misogyny (like racism) is not about personal feelings, it's “a social and political phenomenon with psychological, structural, and institutional manifestations”, and it's mission is to maintain the status quo of gender hierarchy. Misogyny operates as patriarchy's "police force" to enforce gender roles, punishing those (usually women) who deviate from them, and keep everyone (again, usually women) in their rightful places, and while obviously misogyny is directed at women, and this is the topic of Manne's book, I would argue that if women under patriarchy have a place to be kept in, so do men, whose deviation is, in some ways, even more threatening to the status quo.

I said in my post that the overt misogyny directed at women in Supernatural is cartoonish and ridiculous and feels too obviously stupid to be unintentionally placed there, and amounts to a depiction rather than a replication or approval of it. Meanwhille, Dean's masculinity is often just as cartoonish. He's practically play-acting Fonz Solo when he shows up at Sam's in his daddy's big leather jacket and muscle car. However, while Dean does performatively pose as the ultimate man's man and womanizer, leering at college girls and cheerleaders and even Sam's girlfriend, when he is actually called upon to interact with a woman who is not troped to the gills with hot girl stereotypes or posing for Sam's benefit, he is very consistently nothing but respectful and does no leering whatsoever.

Meanwhile, though Sam is too cool and urbane for the leering, he is lying to Jessica about his life and his family, which endangers her and gets her killed, while Dean, we learn soon enough, told Cassie everything the minute he thought he was in love with her. Dean play acts misogyny, but Sam is the one infantilizing his woman. And, even though Dean spends a lot of energy aggressively big upping his man-cred, the fact is that he is the intuitive, emotional one, and he plays an undeniably feminine role in his family. He's John's partner, Sam's mother. He's the one who wants to hold the family together for the sake of love.

All of this is in the FIRST SEASON. Watch it again. Think about the way Sam only agrees in the end of episode 1 to go with Dean after Jessica gets classically fridged, so Sam gets called to his hero's journey. Think about how Dean went to his brother, vulnerable, alone and afraid, needing help, and how, in the end, Sam's acceptance of their quest is not an acceptance of Dean at all. Think about how Sam is a direct mirror to John who has deserted Dean at the time the story begins. John wants Dean to submit himself to John's will, but he treats Dean with scorn, and respects Sam, who refuses to do so. Think about how trope-loaded Mary's white nightgown and Jessica's skimpy tomboy/girlish and self-consciously cute briefs and smurf crop-top are -- how what is being killed when they both die is symbolic mother/modern-twist on maiden (or whore?) femininity, which sends John and Sam on a revenge quest, and about how Dean DID NOT CHOOSE to be on that journey; he was DRAFTED.

The final episodes of the season make Dean's role explicit when he pleads with Sam and John for family, for love; tells them they are all he has, and Azazel, possessing John, praises Dean for being the one who keeps them together, who always looks out for their family, and think about what a knife to the heart it is that that's how Dean knows that John is possessed: his real father would never value those things about him. He'd think they were too soft, too feminine.

If you watch Supernatural from the beginning, keeping an eye out for every time Dean is feminized or someone (often SAM!!) drags him by impugning his masculinity (I think @ilarual is doing a tally of this? Or someone else?) it's really hard to unsee once you start noticing it: Dean is subjected to misogyny ALL THE TIME, and he subjects himself to it -- pushing down all his softer feelings until all he has is anger and fear -- it's the kind that tells him that he's isn't man enough.

Like, can you not see that a saying 'Supernatural kills female characters' ergo it is a misogynist story is just...too blunt an instrument? Supernatural kills women, and it also kills and tortures men. Is there misogyny in it? ABSOLUTELY. Misogyny is a deep vein running through absolutely everything in it, but most of that misogyny is THE REASON TO TELL THE STORY. The fact that it is a story ABOUT MEN is not misogynist in and of itself, particularly when it is so critical of what men become and and are forced into by hegemonic masculinity. For my money, Dean is intentionally and thoroughgoingly queered from the off! It is no accident. It would be difficult to do that as completely as they do without it being part of the actually DNA of the story.

WHICH IT IS.

And PS. the fact that you think none of the women in SPN are important is pretty misogynist of you.

[marley-manson]

the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

[bunnivez]

Episode 1… A Crazy Night

The rays of sun peeking through the curtains hit your warm skin. Peace— is what you felt. Your mind was completely out of the world forgetting about everything; reality.

The smell of some expensive cologne filled in your senses— wait.. expensive cologne?

Your eyes shot wide open only to get jump scared by the person sleeping peacefully besides you, their face facing yours.

Who..?

Long Lashes, white hair, purple tattoos, piercings… Is she naked?

“What the fuck..” you quietly said before sitting, were you this sore before?

‘Wait… WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!?’ you quickly panicked at the realization that not only were you in the same bed as a stranger—but you both are fucking NAKED. THIS PLACE ISN’T EVEN YOUR PLACE.

“Hmm. You awake now?” You heard the woman groan. Startled you looked down at her once again with wide eyes. There she was, a hand ran through her hair putting it back as she opened her eye revealing a pretty blue.

You felt your heart stop at the realization. The relation that this wasn’t just a woman you most likely slept with, but Zoya …. WHAT.

“WAIT… You are…” You went pale as your eyes didn’t leave hers.

“Yeah? Do you not remember me or somethin’?” She teased with a smirk.

What even happened last night?

…

It was late and you went out to go clubbing with your friends. Not only that but your favorite band The Legion were playing there tonight! It wasn’t too rare for them to perform in clubs, and during those times the clubs would end up packed. Even to the point that others can’t even enter due to how full it is. Luckily for you, your friends managed to be one of the ones to enter first meaning you got first row as well!

Zoya, the lead singer of The Legion was your favorite member. She had a beautiful voice, was skilled with the guitar, absolutely attractive and hot, what girl wouldn’t fall for her?

Throughout the whole performance your eyes were glued on her. Taking in the sight of her exposed muscles, the sweat dripping down her forehead, the way her fingers pressed on the guitar’s strings, the way her lips moved.

And strangely enough— you’d notice the quick glances she gave you.

…

“Are you alright?” Zoya asked and you quickly snapped out of your thoughts. “Y-yeah” you replied and quickly got up in search for your clothes which were scattered on the floor. You felt her eyes look at you while you tried to put your clothes back on, but no words were exchanged between you two. What were you supposed to even say? ‘Thank you for the lovely time last night even though I don’t remember shit! ’.

Until the silence was finally broken, “Hey.. Want me to drive you back home?” “Um… No i’m okay.” “Please. At least let me get you an uber or something.”

Things were already too awkward, her driving you back home? Might as well die. Yet walking your way back home alone not knowing exactly where you are isn’t the smartest choice either.

“.. Alright, thank you.”

‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞ ୨୧ ‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞

She guided you outside the hotel, again, no words were spoken between the two of you. But she was even nice enough to open the car’s door for you and close it before saying goodbye and “have a nice day”.

What else was there to say?

“Where to, miss?” The driver asked looking at you through the mirror. Once you gave them your adress the car started.

You remembered you haven’t checked your phone earlier, so when you turned it on you find it filled with so many messages and missed calls from your friends from last night— some from earlier around 5:00.

After finally arriving home, you took a shower, changed into some clean clothes and sat on the couch the whole day watching movies, doing a bit of cleaning, cooking something— anything to get your mind off of her.

Yet despite your efforts nothing seemed to work. It’s not like you slept with some random girl— no, this is Zoya. Bai Yi and K.K weren’t joking; if anyone saw you and Zoya leaving the hotel together there will be reports and pictures taken by the paparazzi all over the internet; something that has been done before with other girls that have been seen with Zoya.

Another thing that occupied your mind was; how did it all happen?

…

The concert ended, people were starting to leave, some stayed to call for a ride, others trying to get autographs from The Legion. You weren’t drunk, just had a few drinks but you were fine along with your friends… Surprisingly Bai Yi didn’t get too drunk.

“Guys ima use the restroom, are you coming?” You asked, Bai Yi and K.K shook their heads, “Nah, i’m good. I will try to get an *hic* autograph from The Legion for ya!” Bai Yi winked.

K.K sighed as she looked at a sleeping Deren snoring loudly taking up the whole couch “It was a bad idea bring her. We should’ve taken Che with us instead.

“You know he would decline in a second.” You laughed, “Anyway I will come back in a bit.”

“Don’t take too long! I don’t want to stay for too long with these two, especially since Chelsea left early.” You heard K.K exclaim.

Oh yeah, Chelsea did leave pretty early; she said something about how she promised one of her sugar babies a night together or something along those linee.

Quickly you opened the restroom door and looked at yourself in the mirror, fixing your hair and makeup a bit before you heard something else enter, and much to your surprise when you looked at the person through the mirror you saw her— and she was staring at you.

“Hey, tonight was hella crowded huh?” She smiled at you as if she has met you before. She was so much more attractive up close, you couldn’t get your eyes off of her, you even forgot how to breath because holy shit— THIS IS ZOYA TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

“U-um, yeah haha, there was so many people that came to watch you guys.”

Zoya started washing her hands which gave you the opportunity to take a peek, her fingers were long, nails painted black, she wore those chunky silver rings—

“Hm. I think I have seen you in some of my previous concerts.” Zoya suddenly spoke.

You quickly looked away to the side flustered and surprised that she even noticed you, “Yeah! I am a very big fan. I try to attend to every concert you guys hold, I’m surprised you noticed.”

She chuckled “Well it’s kinda hard not to notice a pretty girl like you.”

Did she.. just call you pretty!? OHDSHABAHAJAHAJ GAUSHWTAJAGAUWGWHSBGSHSVWSHAJjsywj

“Me? Pssshh, nah.” You rolled your eyes yet you couldn’t help but smile like an idiot at the compliment.

Once she finished washing her hands she turned around to look at you properly; getting a bit closer even, “Nah, I’m being for real. You’re very pretty— almost couldn’t take my eyes off you back there.” she smirked. “I even wanted to go and talk to you and stuff.”

“Oh? Then could it be that you came here because I was too?” You joked. Zoya shook her head and smiled, “No, that was just pure luck. I didn’t expect you to be here honestly.”

You hummed and stood there awkwardly. You were nervous that is no doubt, but who the heck wouldn’t? Especially in the presence of one of your favorite artists.

“Mind joining me for a drink? I’ll pay.”

You accepted the offer. The rest of the night went smoothly, some fans that stayed asked Zoya for autographs or pictures, but her attention was all on you. That night you learned many things about her. She liked her liquor strong, had a high alcohol tolerance, wasn’t good at driving but is great with motorcycles, loves her band and see’s the members as her own family.

You both talked like you’ve been friends for a long time, like this wasn’t Zoya from your favorite band, but just Zoya. Before you knew it, you both kissed, and soon you were in her bed; and on that moment you forgot about everything, like your friends, telling them you left, you were only focused on her.

The way her lips felt against your own, the way her hands roamed across your body, touching— grabbing you everywhere. The way she made you scream her name, arch your back, scratch her back with your nails. It all felt heavenly.

Suddenly nothing mattered, not even the consequences, not even the fact that you two didn’t know each other well, that she didn’t even know your damn name.

…

Oh fuck.

No you really did it this time (Y/n).

“Holy shit.” You groaned and buried your face on the pillow.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

You did fucking sleep with her…

Oh god you’re now one of the girls she has slept with, why!? Why would you do that knowing it would be a terrible mistake.

After cursing yourself for some time you decided the best thing to do at the moment is sleep, rest your mind, get your head off of things.

‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞ ୨୧ ‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞‿͞

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. With a groan you turned around and reached for your phone, squinting your eyes due to the light of the screen as you tried to read the message Bai Yi left you along with a missed call— then she called you again.

You answered..

You: Whats up?

Bai Yi: HAVE YOU CHECKED THE NEWS YET!?

You: What do you mean? I just woke up.

Bai Yi: GIRL YOU’RE EVERYWHERE, THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU AND ZOYA.

You: *sits up quickly* WHAT!?

Bai Yi: Someone saw you and Zoya leave the hotel she was staying at TOGETHER, they took pictures and people are now making rumors that maybe you two might be in a secret relationship or just another nightstand.

You: You’re joking, bro this is actually not funny—

Bai Yi: I’m not, here, i’ll even send you a damn report that has been published not too long ago.

And much to your horror, she truly wasn’t joking. The link she sent leaded to a news report and there you were with Zoya, her helping you get inside the uber with words in bold that read “Lead singer of the band The Legion has been found with a mysterious woman”.

You: What. The . Fuck.

Tag List: @uzumakioden , @kairorow , @bumbercar , @aesculapi , @anashouto , @watashiwaglr38 , @almond11milk

Comment on this post if you wish to be on the tag list for this series! This way you’ll be easily notified for when other episodes are released.

[hattersarts]

gomens s2 thoughts, all spoilers!

I spent 10 hours talking to my housemate about the season after we binged the whole thing in the morning but here are the highlights and the biggest takeaways from the season.

okay i did love the ending, i love that we get the conformation of love AND going into the divorce arc next season (if they're not properly together by the end of season 3 however, i am rioting) they're slow burn and a whole season of them getting to the final 10mins was tasty.

HOWEVER. it was an extremely clunky season when it comes to writing, lots of either set ups missed OR set ups repeated 4 times that they're drilled into out heads. there was also lots of dialogue that really needed to be tightened up. the lesbians were so poorly written i thought they might have needed to be cut BUT they just needed to have more bearing on the rest of the plot AND say things like real people would say things and LITERALLY SHOW ONE SINGLE REASON WHY THEY WOULD LIKE EACH OTHER WITHIN THE FIRST EPISODE.

gabe/bulz romance was the one that should have been cut, have them do more of a oh-my-god-my-boss-sucks kind of thing, lean into them complaining about having to avert a civil war after armageddon stopped and touch on the "structural problems" the angels mention later. Have gabe/bulz be super punished for working together which puts huge fear into az and crowley about what happens if you try to team up as an angel/demon pair (but an extra reason why az takes the job at the end so he and crowley can be the same)

imo it works more if the only mirror of their romance is the HUMANS which should lean into themes to season 3 of how they need to team up with humans (re:"us vs them" line at the end of season 1) to actually achieve their happy ending.

Nina and maggies best scene was their last one telling crowley he needed to talk to az but i think that was one that needed to be cut, it would have been far more satisfying to have crowely work out it out himself that he loves az and wants to tell him (still via maggie and nina but more subtle rather than them telling him to his face AND via spending more time with az in the season)

flashbacks were all pretty good, loved the jobe one and that final "lonely" scene. the nazi one needed some trimming the most (why did all three come back to earth, it made scenes too crowed, have them fight to be a zombie)

shax was disappointing, she was kind of just incompetent the whole way through which didnt make the stakes very exciting, (that whole scene of her talking to the legion was unfunny and pointless) i wanted crowley to mentor her more like when he gave her advice in the first few meetings we saw (kind of in a very non-demonic way, not expecting anything in return) and her to then meet him on equal footing in the finale. would have been a little accidental taste for Crowley to have his good deeds come back to haunt him while showing he's different to demons.

speaking of the finale fight, that halo had NO set up, it was sick as hell but ??? the fuck did that come from. the fight should have been won by az and crowley performing another HUGE miracle together, discorporating the demons (which then would alert heaven and hell something was up in the bookshop and the final scene can happen)

az taking the job from metatron was very good, its consistent with his character where he still hasn't let go of his faith in good/god, he's only been upset by the angels running heaven and still has faith in the system while crowley has realised none of it works and it's only them together that matters. it was nice to show he still hasn't truly accepted crowley for who he is now (tho imo he knows he loves him, he just hasn't quite unrepressed himself) and him not turning down the job after crowley confesses to him shows he still thinks he can fix it. Crowley on the other hand thinks he's now lost him, az has broken he the trust he had in him, he's going to be in big depression mode

few thoughts of good directions for S3:

finally delivering on what crowley said at the end of S1 I think is the most satisfying. the final showdown should be humans Vs heaven/hell with Crowley and az on the human side, helping them win the conflict. there would be suggestions that this is actually god's ineffable plan, this is a conflict she wants to happen and the things that Crowley and az went through are what make them perfect ambassadors to help the humans.

the set up for az in S3 to finally work out he and Crowley can't work out within the unfair rules of the system and for him to abandon heaven (tho not I think, becoming a demon) is good. a sucky ending imo for season 3 is if az somehow "fixes" heaven and via bureaucracy and not via blowing it all up.

growth moments for Crowley in S3 might be having more contact with humans since he's already abandoned hell and it would put az & crowley on similar footing (as az very much loves humans already) when they decided to side with humans for a humans Vs heaven/hell conflict.

anyway, gay people

[southparktexts]

hi bby! saw ur reqs are open and ur inbox in empty!! so lemme get main three with a makeup gf who wants to do their makeup/skincare :3

AAAA OMG ITS BAE !!! HII BABE ABSOLUTELY YOU ANGEL !!

Doing Makeup on the Main 3

stan;

- okay, you know that episode where stan has a band and he plays a song abt him hating living on a farm?

- if you get it you get it

- you unironically already do his makeup for him

- but not full face though

- you help him with eyeliner on his under eyes

- i can see you bringing up the subject

- one day you were hanging in your room

- stan resting his head on your lap as you play with his hair silently

- eventually you got bored.

“stannnn can i do your makeup?”

“..why? im not performing anytime soon.”

“please..?”

“..fine”

- okay some headcannons time

- you do his makeup on his lap

- you’re doing concealer and he’s rambling to you about a fight with his dad.

- actually kinda stress relieving to him.

- i can see him as a cautious boyfriend when you do his foundation.

“ah- not the eyes..”

“careful.. the beanie..”

- also will slightly regret it..

“this is so gay.. you’re lucky i love you.”

- he doesn’t want to admit that he loves it.

- after you’ve cooked you show him and he gives you a ‘good job’ nod and kisses your forehead.

“..okay get this off me.”

kyle ;

- hear me out, kyles always had a fascination with makeup.

- i can see kyle watching his mom do her makeup and just being so interested.

- naturally, he was curious to see what he would look like with makeup.

- one day he was over at your house, you guys had a date planned in a few hours and you were doing your makeup

- kyle being kyle he watched, noticing how you grew more and more frustrated with your eyeliner.

- wiping it off with a q-tip aggressively.

- he continued watching as he thought to himself

- ‘if only she had someone to practice on..”

- he turned out to be the perfect person.

- he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheeks.

“do you wanna practice on me, love?”

“wait.. really?”

- the way your eyes light up, it made him want to ask that question all the time just to see your reaction again and again.

- while you’re doing his makeup he’ll ask you questions.

“soo is this.. blush..?”

“no baby this is concealer”

“oh.. what does that do?”

- he actually was interested and learnt a lot from you

“so now we’re going to use some setting spray.”

“oh i think my mom uses that!”

- off topic but he definitely remembers your shade and buys you makeup pallets and new products.

kenny;

- okay. okay. LET ME COOK.

- so as a juggalo myself, juggalos have events called ‘gathering of the juggalos’

- kenny and you were conveniently going to this event.

- as an icp fan its important to have the iconic black and white clown makeup!

- although you and your boyfriend were over at your house getting ready.

- when you saw kenny using bad drugstore makeup to do his clown face.

“uh.. ken?”

“yea hun?”

“do you want me to do that for you?”

“sure darl’”

- you had to scrub that shit off his face but it was so worth it.

- in the middle of you doing the white foundation you had just done prior on his face he’ll lean in a kiss you

“kennn!! no kisses”

“sorry doll, can’t help it.”

- the most laidback of all the boys

- will randomly kiss you all over

- but he doesn’t stay still when you’re doing the clown features in black.

- after your done cooking, you show him in the mirror.

- he does some silly poses, making you laugh and kisses your forehead.

“i love it my little juggalette”

“i love you to my juggalo”

reqs are open !! also i cooked wtf??

[ammuusseedd]

My roman empire is all the clues in 02x07 (and a little of 02x06) that Lestat was mostly mind-controlled during the trial so here we go

We start with the introduction of Lestat in 02x06:

He's smoking... In front of a mirror. Film language and all that jazz.

At the beginning of episode 7, you can see his hands look like they're bruised. Why would that be?

When describing first seeing Lestat, Louis says: "It (Lestat being there) had all the hallmarks of a hallucination."

When saying about Nicki "Fragile mind prone to corruption", you can see Lestat minutely shake his head as if he's disagreeing with what he's saying. It could be grief but then seconds later he kind of blames Armand for his death because he looks at him in the audience.

Next there is a moment that is supported by a rumour so take it with a grain of salt, but the first time Madeleine "wakes up" she starts mumbling French (there is another moment later on). The rumour (from an extra on set, allegedly) stated that Lestat was trying to speak through her, because he couldn't talk telepathically with Louis or Claudia. Of course she was the easiest to control by the coven so it didn't work.

Next we have Lestat holding this pose for several seconds (can't gif, you need to trust me his leg just stays like that, like a puppet).

At one point Lestat is literally napping in the chair while Santiago is making excuses for The Drop. Then he goes off script.

While Lestat is apologising to Louis about The Drop, we have Santiago panicking and looking at Celeste (Madame Justice), who's representing the coven controlling Louis and Claudia... Because she's supposed to keep him under control too! But she's like, idk, love conquers all or something.

So this is kind of important because Armand also admits here Lestat is going off script, you can't script a hurricane etc. Louis is also wondering why Lestat is such a weirdo, going to Paris to sentence him to death, but then apologising and Armand goes, omg you can never know with this guy, he makes you wonder what's real... Sure Jan.

A bit later we have Louis asking Lestat if that's what he wanted/ this is working for him and Lestat is uncharacteristically quiet, almost as if someone is keeping him that way... We could speculate he looks angry about it, even.

Also Madeleine stands up and tries to reach Claudia - but she was controlled by the coven, right? So maybe whoever was controlling her at that moment is busy subduing someone else.

And this is not related to Lestat, but to Armand. He's talking about how the audience is hypnotized by the performance of Lestat & Santiago but when he says, "Piranhas looking up through the tank water, waiting for the chum to be dumped.", we get a shot of Armand looking up at the stage.

I'm sure there's lots of stuff I've missed, because tbh I'm not that observant and a lot of these had to be pointed out to me, but overall does it make sense that Lestat would also ask to be sentenced the same as Louis and Claudia? During the whole trial, he is very inconsistent in his acting - at times sounding robotic, at time gesturing with lots of artifice, as shown above, at times napping. We know Sam's not a bad actor, so it's logical to conclude those were choices.

If you have more examples, please add them so I can deepen my obsession with this topic even further.

[chaussetteblanche]

If you still write for kit, can I request something where the reader is kits gf and comes out to him as bisexual, and is really nervous about it even tho he’s super accepting (like are you sure you’re okay with it) bc they get scared but he’s super reassuring 🥺

hi love ! yes, i still write for kit ! of course :) thanks for requesting !! sorry for taking so long to answer !

pairing : kit connor x female!reader summary : you come out as bi to kit word count : 1.2k warnings : none, i think

You'd first felt it when you were younger. You loved the Totally Spies and spent your afternoons watching the show when you'd come home from school. And you especially loved Britney. She was like the perfect mix of Sam, Clover and Alex. Who wouldn't love her ? But you didn’t think anything of it back then.

Then you had the same sort of feeling when you'd first watched Pirates of the Caribbean as a young teenager. Will Turner was gloriously handsome, of course, but you felt the same way about Elizabeth Swan. She was graceful, not to mention beautiful, and could handle her own in battle, she could shoot, kick ass... What couldn't she do ? You didn’t think twice about it then, either.

Same happened when you met a girl at camp. She was nice and beautiful and really funny. You were so happy to be her friend. You didn’t realize what the butterflies in your stomach whenever she touched you meant.

You'd never thought too much about these feelings, figuring everyone felt the same. It's totally normal to wonder what it would be like to kiss your female friends, right ? Everybody did that, didn't they ?

A lot of your friends came out over the years, so you grew more familiar with the LGBTQ+ community, sexualities and gender identities. But you never questioned your own. And why would you ? You were now dating Kit, had been for a few months, actually, so why would you even think about questioning your sexuality ?

And then Kit got cast for Heartstopper. And with him, you dived even deeper into the world of queerness. And more than once, when helping him rehearse his lines, you'd read the script and thought : hey, I feel this way sometimes, too. But still, you didn't think too much about it.

And then, Heartstopper finally came out. All of the cast gathered to binge watch it in one day. You had been invited too, along with the other significant others. Everyone had to bring something, so you and Kit had made a heart-shaped chocolate cake that morning.

You were all snuggled up on the couch and Joe finally pushed play on the first episode. You were leaning in Kit’s side with your legs laying over his lap. He wrapped an arm your shoulders and pressed a kiss to your head when the intro started.

You squealed along with everyone when Joe first appeared on the screen. Everyone screamed and laughed whenever a new character would appear on the screen. You watched episode after episode, glee filling your being and shining with pride as you watched Kit’s amazing performance.

You got quiet when Nick started questioning his sexuality. Your heart sped up when he did the “Are you gay” quiz on the internet. You quickly excused yourself to go to the bathroom.

You tried to take deep breaths as you locked yourself in the bathroom. You’d felt the same things for women that Nick felt for men. Was it possible that you weren’t- straight ?

You locked the door behind you and leaned on the sink. Did you- like girls ? You looked at yourself in the mirror and winced at the look on your face. You didn’t like this. You didn’t like not knowing. A knock at the door startled you.

“Y/N ? You alright, love ?” Kit. You splashed some water onto your face and flushed the toilet, drying your face. “Yeah, just really had to go all of a sudden,” you lied as you unlocked and opened the door. Kit looked down at you and chuckled. “Oh, sorry, my love.” “It’s fine,” you laughed, “no worries, babe.”

You couldn’t get it out of your head for weeks. Did you like girls ? Were you pretending to ? Were you a lesbian ? No, you liked Kit. What were you ? You talked it over with your friends a lot. They all told you the same thing : “With time, you’ll know.” Maybe you would think you were bi for a while and then discover that you didn’t like men at all, or the contrary. It frustrated you to not know. No one else but you could know what your sexuality was. And the answer wouldn’t magically appear on a silver platter, as much as you wished it would.

Kit noticed your change in behaviour. Your temper was shorter than usual and you acted distant from him. After worrying for a few weeks, he finally confronted you. You were in the kitchen, making some instant ramen when he finally talked to you about it.

“Y/N ?” he asked tentatively. “Yeah ?” you hummed absent-mindedly. “Is something going on these days ?” You tensed at his words. He noticed immediately and touched your arm. “I don’t mean to upset you, love, but I just want to let you know that if something’s the matter with you, with us or with me, I’m here and you can talk to me about it you want to.”

You wanted to cry at his kindness and thoughtfulness. “I-“ Your voice caught in your throat. A ball formed in your stomach as you thought of voicing your thoughts and worrying. How would he react? Of course he'd understand, but- What ifs flooded your brain as you spluttered like a fish out of water. He took your hand in his, bringing you back to reality as he kissed your knuckled. "You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready to, you know." "No, I- I want to." You took a deep breath. Kit looked at you, giving you his undivided attention. "I've been feeling like this for a while now, and it only got stronger when we watched your show together because it really put it in front of me. Like I couldn't ignore it any longer, you know?" Kit tilted his head to the side, somewhat confused as to what you were speaking about. "I- I think I'm bisexual." The word felt alien in your mouth. "I think I like both boys, especially you, of course, and girls. I- I'm attracted to both."

Kit smiled at you, squeezing your hand. "Thank you for telling me. I know it's not easy." "No," you chuckled, wiping a stray tear from your eye, you didn't even know why you were crying, "it's not. But you make it easier." "And how do you feel about it?" "I- okay, I guess. It's good to know there are others like me, like us. H-how do you feel about it?”

“I think it just gives me one more thing to love about you,”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” you asked nervously, worrying your bottom lip. Kit nodded, still smiling. "Not in the slightest. I'm so proud of you. Can I kiss you?" You nodded. "Of course, this doesn't change how I feel about you in the slightest." He hummed and leaned forward, wrapping you up in his arms as he pressed his lips against yours. You closed your eyes, relishing in the feeling and comfort he brought you. He pulled away. "I don't think I'm ready to tell everyone yet, though." "No, of course, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. You don't owe anyone anything."

[heliza24]

So I think we should talk about the Holocaust imagery in the trial

Because it was really powerful, and part of what made the episode so impactful. It’s no accident that the writers set this part of the story in a city still scarred by WWII. The vampire trial is a twisted funhouse mirror of the actual atrocities of the war, and thinking of it that way helps illuminate its cruelty. It also helps name the specific undercurrents of that cruelty– the ableism, the racism, and the way in which the coven vampires view themselves as superior.

The whole idea of the trial as a play, where Claudia, Madeleine, and Louis are merely props, made me think of the plays that were put on at the Buchenwald concentration camp. The prisoners there were forced to produce theatre as a way to convince the outside world that the Nazis were treating people “humanely”. This farce of course gave the Nazis cover to continue committing horrible acts. The coven is forcing Claudia, Madeleine, and Louis to put on their play, and they’re doing it in a way that will allow the human audience to excuse the prisoners’ suffering as fake. And that gives the coven the freedom to enact as much cruelty on their prisoners as they would like. And of course being forced to perform, being embarrassed, is also a part of the punishment.

The way that Louis, Claudia and Madeleine were snatched out of what they believed to be a happy and peaceful life and transported straight into a nightmare also makes me think about Kristallnacht in some ways. I am half Jewish, and the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors. My grandmother was arrested during Kristallnacht. So I have a lot of personal family history that colors the way that I view this part of the show.

I’m also disabled, and I’ve already written a bit about how this show approaches eugenics. I was actually really happy to see the eugenics undertones made explicit during the trial, as it left no room for doubt about the connection between the great vampire laws and Nazi eugenics rhetoric. “The Dark gifts must never be given to the crippled, the maimed, or to children” was displayed prominently as part of the projections. Claudia has always been coded as disabled because her body is “wrong” and “weak” (written about so well in this meta by @once-delight) but her status as a disabled person was stated plainly as part of the text in this episode, both when Lestat says he “told Louis. Fourteen forever. She’ll be a cripple” and when Santiago says that “Claudia’s defect caught up with her” when she started committing her killing spree in New Orleans. It cannot be understated how much Claudia’s status as disabled person influences the coven’s desire to murder her. The fact that she is happy, strong, and loved despite being turned so young is a direct violation of the coven’s world view, and is therefore a challenge that needs to be put down. Around 250,000 disabled people were killed during the Holocaust, and that’s not to mention the forced sterilization done to disabled people and the cruel experiments that were done in concentration camps to prisoners without their consent. Crucially, the idea of eliminating disabled people and perfecting a humanity without “defects” was an essential part of the Nazi philosophy. And I think you can see that echoing through the vampire trial as well.

Obviously another way that the Nazis were trying to create a perfect humanity was through the elimination of anyone who was not the correct race. We don’t have any canon Jewish characters in IwtV, so we don’t have a one to one comparison to history in that way. But race absolutely plays a huge role in the trial. It does not feel accidental that two of the three prisoners are Black, and that the “star witness” (however coerced Lestat may be, the adoration that the coven shows him is real) is blond and blue eyed. The way Santiago describes Lestat, as having “ancient blood in his veins” and a “godlike strength” calls to mind the Nazi belief in perfecting bloodlines and creating an Übermensch- the perfect Aryan man. And although Madeleine is still executed, she is treated more gently by the coven, kept in a fog of hypnosis and given the opportunity to escape death. I can’t help but think that she was given those privileges at least in part because she is white. This also puts Armand in an interesting position, and maybe helps explain at least some of his motivation in collaborating with the coven. He’s not Black, but he is a person of color, and that may add some legitimacy to his fears that the coven may turn on him. (There’s also the interesting fact that earlier on in the show, Nicki calls him a slur used against Romani people. Armand is not Romani, he left India long after the Romani people migrated to Europe. But it’s interesting that in seeking to place his brownness, native Europeans default to describing him as Romani, since the Romani were also one of the main targets of the Nazis). Obviously there is a lot of hidden calculus going into Armand’s decisions here. But I do think it’s interesting to add race to that equation. I do hope fans of color will write more about the racial dynamics of the trial, since I am white and would love to learn more about this aspect of the story from them.

I’m still mulling over what I think about the part of the episode where Lestat embarrasses the homophobic heckler in the crowd, but it did serve to remind us of how marginalized all of the main relationships would have been at the time (queer people: another target of the Nazis) and how fresh the horrors of WWII are on everyone’s minds.

The absolute highlight of the episode for me was Madeleine’s decision to choose dying with Claudia over living without her. This is such an incredible conclusion for a character who began her arc as something of a Nazi collaborator. I know some fans were troubled by this aspect of Madeleine’s character, but it never bothered me, even with my own personal connection to the Holocaust. Madeleine’s will to survive, her outcast status, and her willingness to cling on to love, even if it isn’t morally pure, made her the perfect match for Claudia. And this episode showed us the payoff of that setup. Here she is given the chance to collaborate again, to move towards the acceptance and love of horrible people that will allow her to survive. But now that she’s tasted real love with Claudia, she can’t go back to that way of living. She can’t throw her lot in with the Nazis again. So she puts Claudia first, the first and only person to ever do that. Everytime I think about it I start crying again.

Ultimately it was the last image of the episode that really hammered home the Holocaust parallels for me. Claudia, reduced to ash. Claudia, reduced to her yellow dress. Just like the incinerated victims of the Holocaust. Just like the piles of shoes and other personal effects at the Holocaust museum. We don’t get Claudia’s final words to Madeleine, or the final words of thousands of real life victims. We just get the dress, we just get the shoes. We have Anne Frank’s diaries, just like we have Claudia’s. Two girls that will forever be trapped in teenagerhood. But those diaries end before the camps, just like Claudia’s end before the trial. 

I’m not sure if either of the writers of this episode are Jewish, but from the behind the scenes clips I know that Hannah Moskovitch was on set as they were filming this episode in a producer role. She talks a lot about giving Claudia a chance to be defiant and angry, and as @bluedalahorse pointed out to me, that’s a very Jewish way to respond to oppression and tragedy (Hannah is half Jewish just like me). Claudia does not go gently into that good night, and I’m really grateful for that. As we go forward I’m going to try to remember her fight, and not the final image of the ash and the dress, as I think about her.

[jbaileyfansite]

The finale of Fellow Travelersis now streaming, ahead of its Sunday night airing on Showtime—a conclusion to one of the year’s best series that is gorgeous, devastating, and cathartic in equal measure.

The story of a tortured-yet-beautiful romance between two men over decades, the show waltzed through those emotions throughout the entire season, as Matt Bomer’s Hawk and Jonathan Bailey’s Tim weather the historical circumstances that prevented their deserved happily ever after. Bomer’s nuanced performance as an infatuated, conflicted man is the best work of his career, and, in the emotion-packed finale, Bailey is a revelation. Across multiple timelines, he showcases how intertwined grit, defiance, and joy in spite of darkness are for gay men determined to make their lives mean something in a world that actively works to strip them of dignity.

The series spans Hawk and Tim’s meet-cute during the Lavender Scare and McCarthyism-led panic of the 1950s through the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. The final scene, set at the unveiling of the AIDS Memorial Quilt at the National Mall in D.C. that might as well have been an anvil plummeting straight onto my heart, it shattered me so much.

There are two images in the final episode that have seared into my brain since I first watched, tableaus charting the arc of a doomed, yet life-changing relationship. First is Hawk and Tim slow dancing naked in the privacy of a secret apartment and, later, Tim’s head nestled on Hawk’s chest as they take a post-coital nap—moments of bliss stolen in a society that won’t allow them that pleasure. Then there’s a mirror of that position decades later, when Hawk climbs into Tim’s hospital bed to cradle him, as Tim struggles through a rough night during his last days battling AIDS.

The power of those moments is amplified by Bailey’s performance. In the earlier timeline, his wide, giddy eyes betray a man fully aware of his good fortune to be so madly in love, cognizant of how precarious and fleeting the feeling could be and determined to live in the splendor of it. Later, as he faces death, his resignation to fate is not one of defeat, but a catalyst for clarity.

So much of his life was impacted—some might say ruined—by his inability to move on from his connection to Hawk. But in a sensational monologue delivered after Hawk questions how much pain he’s caused Tim, Tim corrects the narrative: “I spent most of my life waiting for God to love me. And then I realized the only thing that matters is that I loved God. It’s the same with you. I’ve never loved anyone but you. You were my great, consuming love. Most people don’t get one of those. I do. I have no regrets.”

Bailey’s performance of this monologue stunned me. It is spoken with such certainty, an outpouring of a lifetime of emotion funneled into a searing, pointed declaration. He’s speaking to not only a complicated romance with his lover, but also on behalf of generations of gay men whose great loves were colored and, it often seemed, marred by the misfortune of the times in which they were kindled. That’s the revelation that Tim, through Bailey’s delivery, speaks to: There’s no misfortune when it comes to love; we may now be aware of the hideousness with which society treated (and still treats) the gay community, but how dare we assume that the love found was any kind of misfortune.

I’ll be thinking about this episode, that monologue, and Bailey’s performance for a long time. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

Source

[somedayillbepeterpan]

My favourite show quote are these two incomplete sentences that Pen and Colin say to each other on their road to crossing the friends to lovers bridge.

The whole weight of this tiny scene is monumental. Individually, the words are common. Words that we often say to each other. If we change the emphasis of the words, it can even change the whole meaning of the sentence completely.

The words unsaid and the words they could've said. The jump after this scene is so quick and then we're offered this beautifully intense scene of Pen and Colin basically drinking each other, lost in their feelings for the very first time.

Nicola and Luke's perfect delivery of these two lines makes the carriage scene such a standout among any intimacy scene in the show. Added to the insanity that this is the first season that ended their halfway mark with such a visceral scene makes it so iconic. I've looked at each 4th episode of the 3 seasons and this is the only season that uses its trope perfectly as a cliffhanger. It is also the only ep 4 closing scene where it is only the main couple in the shot (S1 was the duel so it was the boys + Daphne, S2 was the proposal so it was the ladies + Anthony).

On the same vein, my favourite mirror (-ing) scene is the also the above in which both Pen and Colin display the same look of confusion as they each try to figure out what the other is actually saying. I know Colin had that beautiful speech but this scene-- this one right here is when Pen starts to understand that Colin is genuinely pouring his heart to her and that his words are true. When Pen starts to let the walls down she has built around her feelings for Colin for such a long time.

This is the first moment of their journey where they are parallel to each other (we all know that several times in their journey, one of them is either ahead or behind). Because Pen obviously isn't thinking about LW at this moment in time. All she knew was that this man she's been in love with for forever is kneeling before her, baring his heart out, asking her to take care of it. Colin is obviously not thinking of what it would do to him if Pen doesn't reciprocate his feelings. All he knew at this point in time is that his heart called her name. Fervently, assuredly, and very, very loudly (so much so that he jumped from confession to proposal very quickly).

Such a tiny scene. Such a tiny scene and yet everything that follows hinges on it. Such simple lines. Such a tiny step. Such tiny inflections. Such tiny blinks and yet, we're locked in that carriage with them (and we have been locked ever since).

Absolutely incredible performances from Nic and Luke.

I'll tell you that the carriage scene changed my life and the way I see intimacy scenes on screen. I bet there wouldn't be anything like this in my lifetime for a very long time but I will always look for it.

For Bonus Polinweek Day 4 | Favourite show quote + mirror scene The carriage scene | S3E4 Old Friends

[areyoudoingthis]

god I truly love the red suit (because it's hot obviously and i am not immune), but also because of the glimpse it gives us into stede and where he's at halfway through s2 (thee season of change and growth).

he's been wearing the same shabby, stained white shirt all season so far because he left everything he owned behind, and he hasn't complained once about ed throwing all his favorite clothes overboard, because nothing was more important than finding ed and finally being able to tell him how he felt about him, and I'm so proud of stede for that bit of growth. the white shirt is symbolic of that growth, of his willingness to put ed and the crew first, of him not needing all his physical belongings anymore because he has people to care about now, he doesn't need things.

but he likes them, and the way his whole face lights up when he sees the red suit and he stops to put it on in the middle of a raid (and almost gets stabbed for it) is so stede. he's grown but he still loves his fancy clothes, he loves bright colors and frills and buttons and gold thread. growing doesn't mean he has to stop loving those things, and that's such an important thing for the show to say, especially given where stede is in his journey of self discovery this season. he's still allowing himself to enjoy those things in spite of the undercurrent of fear of not being good enough and self hatred that thrums under the surface since the opening of episode 1 (and eventually leads him to kill a man and get progressively more butch in his outfit choices as the season progresses). i LOVE that he gets to have that, that he gets to feel hot and pose in front of the mirror and strut around all day (and that he gets to be a righteous bitch when the crew destroys the suit).

it's such a realistic representation of someone on a journey of self discovery, of someone who's figuring out what he's worth and why he's loveable and what he likes and will allow himself to like and how he will allow himself to present in front of others. and he gives it away because he loves his little piratical family and wants to keep them happy, but he still got to enjoy that, and he still looked great in just the red shirt with a low neckline and black lace all over it (and he got a "you wear fine things well" for it!!!!!!! ed saw and he understood what it meant to stede and stede got to hear that!!!!!! I'm kissing the show on the lips).

i still feel some type of way about the teal shirt and the leather pants and everything they say about his state of mind throughout episodes 6-8, and i feel fifty more things about him finally being able to have his romantic fantasy come true and know that he's loved in the color that represents repression and being forced to perform a type of masculinity that's been destructive for him his whole life (as I've said before). I think it was insanely symbolic and important for him to be able to wear that particular outfit at that particular time and stay in it for the entire finale.

but. BUT. i can't wait to see what becomes of Stede's gender expression when he has time to rebuild his wardrobe, when he's not running around trying to keep everyone safe or prove he has worth, when he starts to realize and embrace that he doesn't have to be a certain kind of man for people to respect him and for ed to love him. i can't wait to see the choices he makes when he's finally free to choose. I think s3 might kill me yall

[booksandspilledwine]

Reasons why I could NEVER hate Eli King

-an extensive list

Let me just start off with this excerpt from one of Eli’s chapters:

‘As I watch her peaceful expression, I almost forget that I’m married to what’s societally known as a madwoman. Worse, she doesn’t even know it. And I’ll make sure it remains this way.’

He forced organizations and companies to invite Ava to play at their events or programs so that she could rediscover her lifelong passion: the cello.

Before her performance, he texts her knowing that she’s anxious and reassures her too. 

‘My wife is many infuriating things, but she’s undeniably beautiful.’

Like hello??? SWOON.

He avoided drinking and helped Ava with her alcoholism issues.

He distanced himself from Ava because he felt that his face was a trigger to her episodes

‘I’ll carve my name beneath her skin so deeply, she’ll find me in her dreams. And her nightmares.’

Eli, Chapter 25.

“Tell me you find me beautiful.” “I find you so extremely beautiful, it hurts to look at you sometimes.” “More beautiful than your ex-girlfriends?” “I’ve never had a girlfriend and even if I had, they wouldn’t hold a candle to you.”

He memorized the letter she had written in which she confessed her feelings for him. WORD FOR WORD.

He had OCD, yet he allowed her to mess up the order of his books.

He refrained from having s3x with her because he felt that she was not in the right state of mind to consent to it. He felt like he was taking advantage of her and he did not like that at all.

He left an important meeting just because Ava showed up at the office, without caring about the consequences or what his father would say.

He stabbed a man important to his project for suggesting that all he wanted in return for his investment was sleeping with Ava for a night. He stabbed a man. IN PUBLIC. 

“You’re lucky we’re in public or that knife would’ve been deep in your throat. Look at my wife again and I’ll gouge your eyes out.”

Yet another example of him not giving two shits about the consequences and problems he’d have to face.

“You’re my wife and those who don’t respect the fact will be dealt with accordingly.” 

He literally killed a man because he sexually assaulted Ava.

He didn’t let her drive because he anticipated that she would have a panic attack and it would also serve as a trigger.

“You never treated me as abnormal and I’m grateful. No, I’m beyond grateful.”

Ava to Eli, in chapter 29.

‘And I know- I just know I’ll fuck up everything for this woman.’

Oh Eli King, the man you are.

He keeps the night lamp on because he knew how much she hated sleeping in the dark. Now, this might not seem like a lot BUT IT’S ALWAYS THE LITTLE THINGS.

“Should we go to a West End show later?”

“You don’t even like the theater.”

“But you do.”

He took care of her after every episode, bathing her, cleaning her and putting her to sleep because he knew she was in no state to do so and she couldn't even differentiate what was real and what wasn't. He did all of this without ever complaining.

No matter the situation, he, and I cannot stress on this enough, ALWAYS put her needs before his. One example is the fact that he developed insomnia because he was worried that she would have an episode at night and he wouldn’t be able to help her. That literally shows how much he cares for Ava.

‘However, the more I find, the deeper I want to go. I’ve seen her hide from her best friends just so they won’t witness her at her worst. I’ve seen her smile and laugh while her eyes were screaming for help. I’ve seen her looking in the mirror and reciting her name, age, and her love for cello while seeming as if she were staring through herself.’

He noticed every small detail about her.

“I’d never despise her.”

“Even if she’s the reason you ruin the ambition you’ve harbored your entire life?”

“Even then.”

“You’ll be destructive without a purpose.”

“I have a purpose. It’s her.”

A conversation between Eli and Leo Henderson

In the beginning of the book, we see Ava repeatedly asking for a divorce and Eli shutting that down. However, the minute Ava threatens to kill herself, he agrees to a divorce and transfer of guardianship.

He didn't want to live in a world if Ava wasn't in it. He was ready to unalive himself if she had died in her fall down the stairs. 

‘I sacrificed my peace of mind for hers, and I realize now that I would do it again in a heartbeat if I ever got a redo. Because I care about her, more than I even realized. Since she waited years for me to come around. I can do the same. For as long as it takes.’

In chapter 41, Cecily gives a long explanation of Eli’s actions. If that doesn't convince you that he cares about her, I don't know what will.

Eli would visit her at the institute every night once the doctor allowed him to. He held her hand as he sat. He would read romance books to her even though he didn't like them at all. He came back night after night, even when it looked like he hadn't slept for days so much so that Cole himself was impressed.

He took care of her plants in case she ever thought of returning.

He never took off the watch she gifted him.

“The phoenix is you. You’re a beautiful mythical being who can be born from the ashes of your illness.” “And the tree of life?” “That’s me. I believed I could contain your rebirth, every time.”

SEE?? He loved her so much that he got a tattoo for her. Also I'm just a sucker for those phoenix metaphors.

‘She might have been the one who experienced issues with alcoholism, but my addiction to her is far worse. The only difference is that I don’t wish to ever become sober.’

An excerpt from the second epilogue.

EliAva are the perfect definition of ‘Action speaks louder than words.’ Saying that you couldn't feel the love between them is just straight up stupid. If you think they didn't have chemistry, then I just have one question for you. DID WE EVEN READ THE SAME BOOK?? If you think chemistry means chasing someone in the woods, taking advantage of you, forcing some random girl who's on the verge of offing herself to give you a bl0wj0b at the EGDE OF A CLIFF, no less, then I really don't know what to say. Am I saying Eli was a good man? No. Not at all. He wasn't perfect. Every Rina Kent MMC had their own issues and were problematic. People say they want complex characters but the minute a complex character is introduced, y'all waste no time hating on them. What Eli did barely even touched the surface, especially if we compare him to other RK men. Hate on him, Ava or the book all you want but don't tell me they didn't have chemistry or that Eli never cared about her when the entire book is a testament to the fact that he actually cared about Ava a lot.