#this ending feels abrupt 😬 my bad

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

I couldn’t find your rules so I’m sorry if it isn’t ok to do requests but plsss elaborate on secret chubby chaser iida

My only rules for this blog are to be nice and have a good time 💕

CW: chubby fem reader, "fat" used in a nonderogatory way, mentions of porn and masturbating, Iida is emotionally underdeveloped and doesn't realize that liking big girls is a normal thing

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Okok but listen. Imagine Tenya Iida growing up thinking he has to fit a certain mold. His family has expectations for him and he wants to meet those expectations, including those that they have for relationships. His family never specifies what kind of partner they want for him, but based on his observations with media, he believes that he's supposed to find and pursue a certain type of girl. Based on movies, books, TV, etc, Iida has come to the conclusion that he needs to pursue a skinny girl, because that's what all the love interests look like in the media he consumes.

But Iida finds himself drawn to other women, women with soft bodies, curves, ones with plush arms and legs and tummies. He thinks he's weird for liking fat women since the only time he's seen them in media is in a negative context, he thinks he's abnormal for liking bigger women. I mean, big women are a porn category, not people you settle down and have a life with... right?

He thinks he has a fetish for plus size women because he's never been taught that his attraction for bigger people is normal regardless of how they look like. So, he keeps his feelings a secret, indulging in porn of larger women but never going out of his way to date bigger women. He dates a few women, all fit and skinny, but he doesn't find himself attracted to these women. He thinks all of this is normal for a long time.

Oh but then he meets you. He saves you from a villain and carries you to the medic and oh god, you're so soft, so warm, so plump and squishy, he wants to melt into you and sleep for a thousand years. He somehow gets your number, maybe because you bonded over something, but you keep in contact after the attack.

Iida starts having a crisis. He likes you: you're brilliant, funny, cute, gorgeous beyond compare, but he's worried he just wants to fuck you. His only experience with plus size women has been one sided through porn, he genuinely does not know how to approach you or gain your favor. Be patient with him because he will fumble for a long time, he just doesn't know what to do.

I imagine he still casually dates a few women, none of which look like you, because he's trying to train himself to like "normal" women, but he just can't. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get you out of his head. He's even started masturbating to the thought of you and he feels like such a perv because of it, but he can't help himself. To him, you're walking temptation, your curves making him go crazy. He wants to touch you, to kiss you, to treat you like a queen, but he thinks he's expected to like other women so he thinks he can't have you! He is a stupid stupid guy sksksk

You'll probably have to make the first move, because knowing him, he'll never approach you first. He will be confused but overjoyed, agreeing to whatever you want to do for your first date. He'll be stiff and awkward because he's not sure what to do, but just give him time. Eventually he will get the hang of things and initiate holding your hand, putting his arm around your shoulders or waist, he'll even kiss your hand after a date! He'll become more comfortable as time goes on so expect him to get more and more confident.

It will take him a long time to accept his feelings for you as normal because he doesn't know any better. Please don't hold it against him. He will never treat you bad or hide your relationship, but he will voice his concerns that his family won't accept you (this isn't true, he just assumes this) which may make you feel bad. I can see things getting a little angsty at some points because you may think he doesn't fully accept you as a partner. But he does, he just doesn't know how to show it. You two probably have a big fight about it and you leave him and he shows up at your door like a sad wet kitten and you take him back when he tells you that he made dinner reservations to introduce you to his family. Then it's happily ever after from then on sksksk

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[intersexbookclub]

Book review: Icarus

We met on 2024-05-31 to talk about Icarus, the newest book by intersex author K. Ancrum! 

Overall takes:

Michelle: Loved it. Finished the book in one sitting. Xer wife was like “aren't you supposed to be going to sleep?” and xe was like “BOOK TOO GOOD” 🤩

Elizabeth: Mixed feelings. It was an engaging and compelling read, but I found some parts confusing and the ending too abrupt. The intersex representation left a bad taste in my mouth. I liked the disability rep though. 🤔

JR: I read a lot of queer books but not a lot of intersex ones because there aren't that many and this was one of the top ones I read this year. While it was set at a high school it felt New Adult rather than YA. Sometimes with YA it can feel really simplistic and this didn't do that! 👍️

Bnuuy: didn’t get to read it but after the discussion I now want to! 😯

Intersex representation

The consensus was that this book stumbled when it came to intersex representation. We speculated that Ancrum may be new to thinking of herself as intersex: it felt to us that she was uncomfortable writing about intersex.

The protagonist’s love interest, Helios, is portrayed rather briefly as intersex. But the specific intersex variation is not disclosed. It struck us as unrealistic that a teenager would out themself in the way that Helios did: saying he is intersex and not the specific variation. Those of us who knew we had intersex diagnoses as teenagers understood ourselves as having that specific diagnosis and not so much as being intersex. We’d expect an intersex teenager to lead with the diagnosis and to explain what that diagnosis is.

Based on book descriptions we guessed that Helios has Klinefelter’s but we weren’t certain. We did appreciate that there wasn’t an excessive focus on genital difference, and that there was discussion of secondary sex characteristics, which is a good start!

The biggest cringe moment for us was in how Icarus compared Helios to the statue of Hermaphroditus in Warsaw. It’s kind of literally objectifying to compare someone to a work of art. We all found it rather gross to compare your lover to a statue depicting sexual violence. 😬 

The invocation of the myth of Hermaphroditus and Salmacis made a lot of us uncomfortable. [CW sexual violence] For those unfamiliar, the myth involves a nymph, Salmacis, who lusts after the teenage Hermaphroditus. She sexually assaults him repeatedly, and prays to the gods that they should never part. Her wish was granted and their bodies were merged together into one body with both sexes. [/CW]

We talked about better options for finding intersex representation in art history, such as in statues or art of congenital eunuchs. There are a number of congenital eunuchs from history that have extant statues, e.g. Isidore of Seville. There are also many mythological entities described as both/neither male/female, e.g. Agdistis (Greek/Roman), Ardhanarishvara (Indian), Inari Ōkami (Japanese).  Michelle pointed out the potential for playing with how the sun is gendered across different cultures (since Helios). Overall, we agreed there were other options for art references and that the book would have been better of picking an option that didn’t depict sexual assault.

The casualness of Helios being intersex got mixed reactions. The intersex representation is really only in one scene. JR liked it was casual. However, everybody (JR included) agreed that if this one scene were skipped or missing there would be nothing else to indicate that Helios is intersex.

We felt the author did a decent job of the disability representation, such as in how Icarus’ cat burglary is affected by having EDS. We agreed it would have been stronger if there had been a parallel with Helios being intersex and doing ballet. Another opportunity for intersex themes would have been to set Mr Black as beating Helios to “man him up” or “keep him in line” in terms of gender performance and being intersex.

JR was curious how the publisher/etc were trying to market the book since it didn’t seem #ownvoices (“is it trying to be mainstream?”). Elizabeth shared that ze has usually seen it promoted on social media as “queer YA”.

What we liked

The prose. As Michelle put it: “The descriptions are so pretty I got shivers… The theming was also well done…  the descriptions of the world were really painterly in a way that was really pleasing.”

The book was emotionally impactful. We all appreciated that a queer romance that didn’t end in tragedy, even if it seemed like that what was being set up! Michelle shared: “there were a few things that were crying buttons for me. One was religious affirmation of queerness. I wouldn't say I have a lot of trauma from being raised Catholic but this still made me cry. Parental affirmation of queerness also!”

Themes of fatherhood (e.g. Icarus talking about what he would do differently, father as minotaur) and toxic masculinity (e.g. Akeem & Luca averse to crying)

The disability representation. Michelle praised the neurodivergent & touch starvation portrayal.

What we struggled with

We agreed all the book ended abruptly. Elizabeth wanted more denouement. JR agreed but pointed out this is a general trend in writing. We all agreed we wanted a better sense of whether things worked out for our protagonists.

We were confused about Icarus getting a job in Paris out of nowhere, and the brief mentions of legal proceedings were confusing.

Elizabeth and JR thought Icarus was too emotionally mature sometimes. Elizabeth thought that Icarus’ “I wish I could hate you” discussion with his father was too emotionally mature for his age, and JR felt his social navigating (manipulating?) felt too savvy. Michelle found it hard to relate.

Mixed reactions

Elizabeth struggled with the setup of the school friends: the exposition was too much all at once. But this worked for Michelle!

Michelle found the dialogue to be very cute. It worked for xer, but warned that there are people who will find it excruciating.

Ancient Greek Mythology

The book draws heavily on 18th century Northern European interpretations of Ancient Greek mythology. Michelle is a fan of Ancient Greek mythology and “there were a lot of little references that I got”. JR wished they knew more of the mythology.

Michelle asked Elizabeth (who is Greek-Canadian) if the mythology connected, and ze said not really. We then got into a discussion about how in recent centuries Northern Europeans reinterpreted Greek mythology for white supremacist ends, and how there are many gaps between what the Anglosphere thinks of as “Greek” vs actual Greek people & culture.

Elizabeth didn’t come into the book discussion planning to get into the politics of how Ancient Greek mythology is interpreted and used! For the summary, ze wants to clarify that this book was par for the course on how Anglosphere authors invoke “Greek” mythology - the meta-discussion we had was not a criticism of Ancrum but of a general sociocultural phenomenon, and it did not reduce Elizabeth’s enjoyment of the book.

What we compared this book to

It reminded JR of Across the Green Grass Fields in that intersex variation is introduced and then doesn't matter again.

It reminded Elizabeth of Queen in that the intersex rep wasn't what you’d expect for #ownvoices

Michelle brought up how intersex representation so frequently feels slapped on and Bogi Takács is a rare exception. We then talked about Power to Yield, how it’s hard for authors to walk the line between intersex rep & having it being all about trauma, but that Power to Yield pulls it off.

Michelle saw the book as “very John Green meets Madelline Miller”

JR was glad this wasn’t another Middlesex!

Overall, we collectively enjoyed the book! 😀 We recommend you pick it up as a solid piece of YA fiction and to support an intersex author. We wouldn’t recommend it as a great example of intersex representation, and were disappointed by that part. 🫤 We all hoped that Ancrum will develop more confidence and knowledge about intersex issues and do better in future books! Everybody left the call wanting to read more by her. 👍️

[shy-peacock]

I would love to see Rayamaari in an Hogwarts AU, with Raya gryffyndor and Namaari Slytherin (but rated E because yes)

I wouldn’t do rated E with them as students. So here’s-…whatever this is *tosses* also I know VERY little about hogwarts stuff- I’m a small fan. While I’m at it- I enjoyed the series but I absolutely despise that woman who wrote it. So this will be my first and last time writing a hogwarts AU 😬

Rated G-T maybe?

It couldn’t have gone down any other way.

Namaari was the pride of Slytherin, no one had bested her in a duel yet. She had worked hard for that title, had put in the hours to perfect her skill. Wanting to be the best for her house, a symbol for them to look up to.

Raya was just as good. A naturally gifted witch, the star of Gryffindor. Warm, courageous, like the fiery red colors that her house wore with pride. She was all heart in everything she did.

Their pairing could not have been more perfect. The other members of the dueling club practically buzzing with excitement at their match up, pulling in students from the hall that were passing by. All come now to watch the duel of the century.

Typically the two of them sat at the sidelines, monitoring, helping the youngest of their members with their newly learned spells. But today- they wanted a show, real examples of what dueling could look like with witches as advanced as they were.

To think this was meant to be a normal practice….

But the show was meant to go on regardless of what Namaari or Raya thought of it, each of them casting a spell of protection over the crowd- knowing how these advanced duels could send a spell array. Students both older and younger then gathered around while Raya took her position on one side and Namaari took her place at the other. Wands at the ready, giving the signature bow that all duelist must adhere to in order to claim the match an official one.

A beat.

A hush fell over the crowd.

And they began.

Magic whizzed through the air, electrifying the mock stage they had beneath their feet. Not a breath, a word or even a noise came from either witch as they shot their spells at one another. Namaari dodging one only to catch another with her wand, flinging it back and forth at her opponent as she did the same on the opposite side. The students standing around, amazed, gasps slipping from their lips and cheers from one half of the crowd when Namaari caught Raya off guard and nearly sent her flying back. An additional cheer echoing out as she maneuvered it.

Recovered, she blasted a fiery spell right along the edges of her opponent’s cloak, which Namaari dispelled with a quick flick of her wrist. She caught a wicked grin from her dueling partners face, a pause amidst the game, before they were back at it again.

Back and forth it went, Namaari feeling the heat of the duel the longer it ran. A bead of sweat ran down her temple as she rolled just out of range of Raya’s next move. Her attention laser focused, watching every tiny movement her opponent made. Good or bad. Waiting for her opportunity to gain the upper hand. Catching a misstep, an opening, where she could seal her victory.

Namaari’s hand snapped as she dug in her feet and in one fell swoop, she fired a disarming spell straight into the woman’s hand.

Raya’s wand soared into the air, caught by a student who was quick to hand it back to her- hopeful that the match was not yet finished. However, as per the rules, she was disarmed and the victory was bestowed upon Slytherin. Both Namaari and Raya knowing this, the latter tucking her wand away with a kind smile on her lips as she made to bow. A show of respect at the end of the battle.

The crowd erupted into cheers, the students with their emblem green and silver being the loudest of the bunch. Namaari found herself frozen for a moment, her mind still racing from the duel that had come to an abrupt stop. Her pulse gradually slowing, temperature cooling, until she had the sense to return the bow Raya had given her. Though the smile she wore Namaari did not display back. Not as her brain reviewed the last few moves of their duel, realizing what had happened almost immediately after it was done.

She wouldn’t dare call Raya out in front of the others. There was enough rumors going around about their rivalry that didn’t need to be stirred up in this room, not when all the students had benefited from this lesson. All of them leaving with smiles on their faces, a good show of sportsmanship that was rare between some of the oldest rivalries in this school. Happy with the outcome, more pleased by the manner of how the duel was dealt than who had won.

Namaari waited it out, allowing each and every body to file out. The club finished for the evening, leaving Namaari and Raya alone at last to clean and lock up. As the last of the students left, Namaari turned then to face Raya. Watching her from across the room, hardly staring for but a minute before Raya let out out a small chuckle.

“You’re predictable as always-“

Namaari frowned, “how so?”

Raya turned, smirking at her before turning back to the cases of wands. Packing them up properly, making sure each was handled with care.

“You’re upset. You want to talk to me, but you’re overthinking it-“ she casually mentioned, “so you’ll stand there- analyzing me, until you’ve talked yourself out of it or-…I take the lead and ask you myself.”

Namaari scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t do tha-“

“My love,” Raya teased, “you’ve done that since we were children.”

Namaari felt her face heat up in embarrassment, a wave of memories flying through her mind. Of her first days at this school, meeting Raya, becoming rivals and practically making life here absolutely miserable for the both of them. How they somehow managed to become friends, even stranger than that eventually became lovers, marriage and now they were Professors at the same school they fell in love at. Raya becoming a house leader of Gryffindor while Namaari was one of Slytherin.

And apparently-….well…she definitely knew Raya knew her like the back of her hand.

With a huff, a point of surrender, she gradually walked to her.

“Fine, I am.” Namaari stated, walking towards her. Watching as Raya continued to pack up the rest of her belongings in her bag. Rummaging inside to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. “You let me win today.” Namaari added, grumbling, “I don’t want to be handed a victory- I want to earn it.”

Raya gave her a lopsided grin, “I know you don’t-“

“So why did you-?”

“Because the Slytherin students needed a win.”

Namaari paused, considering this, and in that moment Raya turned to face her. Leaning against the desks that held the wands in their case, folding her arms.

“I’m not just a Professor for Gryffindor students, love.” She continued, “and Slytherin took a heavy hit at the quidditch tournaments this year- I’ve seen a lot of the most passionate students lose their edge cause of it, like they’ve been in a slump because of the fall of their ranks.”

Namaari nodded, agreeing, recalling the day her house had been changed from their high place of first to the sunken low of last place amongst the other houses. It was not an easy loss, though Namaari had chalked it up to being a good lesson on humility. Though the loss was ages ago now, so maybe Raya was right? Perhaps they did need a pick-me-up to set their spirits right again.

Raya wore a smug grin as Namaari relaxed, her minor irritation webbing away as she came to her. Knowing she was right, seeing it now as her demeanor changed then. Wrapping her arms around her wife while Raya continued to check the desk, her bag and anything else she may have forgot. Namaari’s head resting against her shoulder, hugging her close.

“You could have told me-…” Namaari grumbled, trying to stay mad though the tone in her voice was far from it, “you completely caught me off guard with the whole thing-…I bet you even proposed the idea to the students too, huh?”

“Possibly-“ Raya chirped, “but I did want to see if you could beat me on your own at first, it has been awhile since we’ve matched up like that.“

Namaari couldn’t recall a time since their student days, though she was sure there was at least once or twice they must have clashed wands. As far as the record goes, Namaari was quite certain she had claimed the victory then.

“I could have, you know-“ she pointed out, “I could have beaten you fair and square if not for the students-“

Raya scoffed and turned in her arms till she was facing her wife, “oh so if they weren’t here, you think you could have won easily, huh?”

Namaari smirked, seeing how this one comment riled her up. Setting her mind to do it again, teasing her.

“I’d have won in the first five seconds-!” Namaari boasted, “I was holding back anyways, given some of the spells were way too advanced and-“

“That sounds like you’re challenging me for a rematch-?” Raya pointed out, “are you?”

Namaari laughed.

“We have another hour before we have to meet in the great hall?”

Raya smirked, moving Namaari’s hands back as she once again grabbed for her wand and walked the space of the room. Her shoes clacking loudly, determination in her step.

Namaari followed to her own space, raising her wand at the ready. Bowing, awaiting Raya to return it, then rising once more to begin.

“Ready for me, love?” Raya shot her way, arching an eyebrow in her direction.

Namaari could feel the rise of magic moving through the air, her body thrumming in anticipation at the coming duel. Knowing it didn’t matter the winner or loser of it, only that it was Raya she got to do this with again and again.

“Always.” Namaari answered, right as the duel began.