#this country can suck my dick tbh

[mystic-writings]

income tax season sucks fucking balls as a minimum wage part time worker

[star-suh]

The Phone Call 

Kim Mingyu x Male Reader

cw: rough sex, spit play, breeding kink, sex while talking to the phone, pwp, spanking, degrading, slapping, choking, tummy bulge, overstimulation, second round of sex, non-idol au, edging.

an: this was inspired in that scene of jinx but tbh i think it's not that good 😭

—

mingyu was on the couch, fucking y/n rough, his ass was starting to get red for all the spanks mingyu has gave him "look at you squirming like a whore, being so happy for having a fat cock up your hole" said mingyu lamding another spank on y/n's ass making him moan "hng… ple~ase.. be more g-gentle…" told y/n to the older who just ignored him and keep looking for his pleasure "shut up, toys don't talk" mingyu slapped y/n's cheek and covered his mouth.

y/n feel like he was in cloud 9, mingyu's cock keep brushing his prostate making him look stars, "look, your hole is so hungry for cock that when i try to pull out it doesn't let me, fuck!… and when you take it back in~ y-you take it balls deep fuck yeah" mingyu rubbed his hand on y/n's tummy feeling the forming bulge. suddenly mingyu's phone rings, it was hoshi who was taking his vacations in other country and wanted to buy gifts for the guys so he was calling every single one of them to ask them what they want, including y/n.

"hello?" asked hoshi, "hey, hi" grunted mingyu trying to disguise the moans he was making because of y/n's hole squeezing his cock so hard "i'm calling you to ask what do you wanted as a souvenir from here". "hng" y/n moaned so mingyu slapped fast his hand on y/n's mouth.

"what was that?" asked hoshi

"nothing" quickly replied mingyu " just y/n who asked me to… to help him in the gym… you know he's a s-silly boy who thinks he can take much more of what he actually can" 

"oh y/n's there? pass him the phone i want to ask him what he wants too" hoshi told mingyu who complies and put the phone on y/n's shoulder "h-hello hoshi" y/n said.

"hey y/n, so do you want something from here" asked hoshi to the younger "umm i don't kno-" suddenly a powerful thrust from mingyu makes him yelp in pleasure 

"are you ok y/n?" asked hoshi

"y-yes… hng j-just i lifted something too… heavy haha~" y/n lied while mingyu keep thrusting his cock deep inside y/n's abused hole "i want f-food… you know. i love… your coc- i-i mean food… yeah food…" y/n was so overstimulated that he didn't know what he was saying.

mingyu picked up the phone "bring me food too, now bye we need to end today's routine" he said. "ok bye, see you in some days" hoshi hanged up "whores" he mumbled and went to buy some candies.

"so you like that huh? your cock was squeezing so hard while you were on the phone, nasty boy". minutes passed and y/n was fucked in every possible pose while being edged, his hole was agape dripping with lube and mingyu's pre-cum.

"please i can't take it anymore… i'm gonna cu-" mingyu introduced his thumb in y/n's mouth making him suck it "cum for me pretty boy" the older said thrusting hard and kissing y/n and playing with their saliva between both their mouths. "cum for me pretty bitch" mingyu ordered y/n while choking him, y/n's eyes rolled back while white ropes of cum were shooted from his dick head paintimg the sofa and his body in white. "such a good slut" mingyu scooped y/n's cum in his hand and taste it "you always taste good you know that?" the older licked his hand clean of cum and proceeded to spit it into y/n's mouth "swallow it all and show me" y/n obeyed and showed mingyu his mouth, he slapped y/n's cheek softly "that's right my pretty and perfect slut" he then kisses him and carry him to the bathroom.

[hils79]

Hils Watches The Spirealm - Ep 15

Am I nearly at the end of the scary schoolgirl ghost arc? Does it get more scary than this one. I am only a smol Hils 🥺

They still do that now

The kids who bullied her suck, but the teacher is even worse for letting them do it right in front of him

You have to be a special kind of evil to bully someone relentless when they're alive but to then continue to make fun of them after they've died. I'm glad she ripped all their legs off tbh.

I love that whenever anyone makes any sort of suggestion for what to do next Ruan Lanzhu is just 'yeah, cool, whatever' but as soon as Ling Jiushi suggests even the most simple idea it's all 'Lingling you are so smart and perfect and beautiful we should get married and co-parent your cat'

Honestly amazed that Ruan Lanzhu has permitted himself to be separated from Ling Jiushi

I was bullied when I was in school but it was nowhere near as bad as the way bullying is depicted in dramas. IDK if that's really what it's like in countries like China and Korea or if it's just being exaggerated for dramatic effect. School bullies in dramas are always evil little bastards

Aww little baby Ling Jiushi also had a kaleidoscope

I've watched too many BL dramas because my first thought was 'oh, he actually met Ruan Lanzhu when he was a kid'. because that is a common trope. Apparently it's not him though

She had better no die protecting him! That often seems to be how it goes with unrequited love in dramas

Ooh he fessed up!

Ehehe! We can't outright say that Ruan Lanzhu sometimes crossdresses but we can whisper it

Ooh he made a bet that he could get ghost girl to like him. I should have figured that he was a dick just like the rest of them

I do like it when you see the same scene but from different perspectives.

HE WROTE THE SONG! Assuming this kid is telling the truth, which I kind of think he is. I did wonder in the other guy's version of events how they'd managed to get hold of her diary to read out loud. A love letter that she gave him makes way more sense

This is even more hilarious now because Li Dongyuan is the only one who doesn't know that Baijie is actually a man

Ling Jiushi is in the background like 'please stop talking'

They can't do anything to advance the murder ghost plot so Ruan Lanzhu has decided to have some fun

He's such a little shit I love him

And now he's jealous again

[blubushie]

Hi, hope you're having a good day, here's one of my aunt's puppies and frog in a bucket

(Sorry for that last ask, I think i was tring to express a sympathy on "dealing with this thing sucks", pretty sure I fucked it completely, learned I shouldn't send asks after midnight, sorry)

OHOHOHOHOHO

And nah it's fine <3 Tbh just didn't know how to respond cuz I'm in the same boat. I was basically deported and don't have Aussie citizenship despite trying for years and living there most my life lmao. I know exactly how it goes and it's a chore. "There's no demand for shooters" suck my dick I am singlehandedly saving our natural ecosystems rn 😭

Slight rant under cut

ETA: Also I've met too many people who genuinely talked about wanting to get Australian citizenship because of TF2. Because they think Australia is just Sniper or something. Or the best country ever while ignoring the climate change/racism/housing crisis/inflation/price gouging/cost of living/inhospitability/natural disasters/etc. Australia isn't in a good state right now, most people are barely able to survive, and our middle class is practically non-existent. But people see Sniper TF2 and go "omg Aussie..." and decide they wanna be Australian for some fucking reason while literally knowing zack about the country OUTSIDE of how it's portrayed in media. Nothing of us or our culture, they think they know some slang terms or some shit and that's enough to be considered Australian. And that gets on my fucking nerves cuz I'm still tryna get citizenship cuz it's literally my home and I grew up there.

People also only do this with Sniper btw. You don't see people going "I'm gonna move to GERMANY!!" cuz of Medic, or Russia for Heavy, or Texas for Engie, or Boston, or France, or anything else. It's literally just Sniper. This fandom is fucken weird fetishy about Australia sometimes and on rougher days I genuinely wanna leave it because of it. Any time someone says they want Australian citizenship my first question is why? What do you think Australia has/can give you that your home country can't? Too many bad experiences. This goes extra double for countries on the same development scale as Australia—America, Russia, the UK, South Africa, cuz then it's obvious that it's usually more about what they think Australia is like (because of what they've seen in media) rather than them trying to seek a better life/better opportunities elsewhere.

Anyway the amount of people coming into my DMs/inbox going "how do get Aussie citizenship/immigrate" is too damn high. My brother in gaming if I knew how then I wouldn't be stuck in America. And when I know they're in the TF2 fandom it basically always leaves a bad taste in my mouth cuz my kangaboo detector goes ding. So most those asks get deleted

Sorry for the ramble. This has been on my head a while though. I've met too many people who fetishise Australia/Aussies cuz of shit they've seen in media. Hits me in that "white people seeing exotic nature of locals" bone. Australia is still a "wild land" in some people's eyes so naturally people (usually white) wanna come here and be weird about it. And it usually leads to exploitation (see: arguing with First Nations to give up land rights to built fucking houses)

Rant over I'm burnt out lol. None of this is directed at you I'm just explaining why I deleted the ask. Didn't know how to respond + my kangaboo detector went off. So I played it safe

[p2ep]

act 3 of the fontaine archon quest is making me go insane with how dog ass shit terrible boring it is. aside from g*nshin's usual shit writing this seems rather intentionally offensive given the current climate.

so this story line involves the player (willingly) getting sent to privately owned for-profit prison so they can rescue someone who was sent there wrongly(?) because this country's automated justice machine said so. this country has an automated justice machine that made the ruling btw. not what im mad about in this post i just wanted to mention that because this nation is in shambles tbh. my theory is that they have the previous hydro archon in there cabinet man style. anyways. so there's the for profit prison. before you go the person arranging this for the traveler mentions that we should take a nice bath and eat a nice meal before we head there cause it's going to suck.

HE WAS RIGHT. THIS PLACE FUCKING BLOWS.

after the traveler gets there we are treated to some history about this place. all of fontaine's laws regarding the punishment of criminals state that the offender is to be "exiled", and allegedly a bunch of exiles created this settlement that eventually BECAME the prison, and the state just started sending guards there to "protect" the prisoner- i mean Exiles. this explanation really makes no sense on account of this entire structure being very obviously a prison factory and not a settlement free people would make. but whatever. everyone in the story treats this backstory as good 👍 and true 👍

we also get an explanation of the general culture here. instead of money everyone uses "coupons", a form of currency you get from prison labor. all of the npc's seem fucking brainwashed. "isn't this such a good system, it's a cool place where everyone is on equal footing and everyone can pull themselves up regardless of status :)" insane individualism going on here.

another big part of this place's culture is the fact that everyone is constantly deepthroating the warden's entire dick and balls. constantly. EVERYONE loves it here! isn't this place so nice? the warden is SO cool after he came into power we get ONE free meal a day!!!! YAY!!!!!

i can't fucking stand this ^. every human being deserves life, calling people who can't or won't work in a PRISON for SCRIP "no-good slackers" is fucking disgusting.

i cannot stress how the game CONSTANTLY tries to pretend that this place is cool and normal. we're helping people get their lives back on track! (there are NO amenities in this prison besides a FIGHTING RING. no library no gym no NOTHINGGG) the warden treats us so well! (he shows up every now and then to tell you to get back to work) everyone is equal here since mora isn't used! (classic bootstrap shit) (what are these people supposed to do when they get out? since they have NO MORA. since you pay them in "coupons").

a smaller gripe i have is that this prison has ONE nurse and she's portrayed as constantly overworked and its treated as a wacky quirky joke or something instead of bizarre? i'm not like crazy mad though because this is just strange and not really applicable to the many wider ideological issues with this place. also i hate the fact that they made her some kind of human-melusine hybrid with no explanation it's fucking weird. fuck this place and fuck you s*gewine i would hate you less if you were a SLUG.

you spend like, 3 hours of your own human life in this prison watching the traveler do manual labor and listening to paimon go on and on about how nice this place is.

i have not finished this quest yet but i have Seen a bit of it and when you're about to leave p*imon says ":(i love it here we get a free meal" or whatever. what the fuck.

i just. this is a privately owned prison where people are forced to work in a factory to build police robots and aren't compensated with money. it's a good thing :) we LOVE prison :) slave labor is cool :) I HATE IT HERE I MISS F*RINA AND NEUVIVI AND L*YNEY wait LYNEY WAS HERE BUT THE GAME JUST ASSUMES YOU HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S FROM THE FATUI but that's a matter for another post

g*nshin fans will be like my manager 😍😍😍😍😍

[almostcolorfulcolor]

Death Note, meet Supernatural- CHAPTER 1

Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader, L (Death Note)/Original Female Character(s)

Summary: What if Death Note existed in a world with Winchesters in it? Would L finally have the evidence he needs to prove Light is Kira? How will L fare in a world where monsters are real and not every case is solvable by him? Lucky for him, there's a hunter here to work side-by-side with him.

Chapter Summary: With data from L's investigation, it wouldn't have taken long for a hunter to find the mystery of Death Note, find the Shinigami and Kira, and ganking them both. If you're curious about how it plays out, read on!

Chapter 1: Japan, here I come!

I open my burning eyes. Tears blur my vision as I try to forget the images from my latest nightmare. My boys…my poor boys…“I will bring you both back”, I promise…for over the 100th time. Shaking off my thoughts, I get ready for the day mentally ticking off my checklist for my trip to Japan. The first truly big nuisance since Dick Roman, this Kira, was killing off criminals left and right.

It was not my typical case but something about Kira’s requirements of killing was supernatural. He needed a name and face to kill. With just those, he could kill anyone from anywhere. Which human could do that? And even if they could, the means had to be supernatural. Perhaps they made a demon deal, or Kira used a cursed object. Not only that, there was perhaps someone else with Kira’s power who only needed a face to kill. 3 Japanese police officers dropped dead during a TV broadcast- names unknown.

The world’s security agencies were stumped. The number 1 detective in the world, L, was working on it but even he hadn’t been able to put a stop to Kira's killings till now. I could only assume it was because of the supernatural factor. Which made it my responsibility. What the hell those Japanese hunters were doing I didn’t know- and I couldn’t find out because not many hunters trusted my little Team Free Will after the whole opening of the Devil’s Gate, starting the Apocalypse and releasing the Leviathans into the world. Couldn’t blame them tbh.

It did make this whole investigation pretty hard though. If only Sam was here…This was my problem. I had become so tangled up with the Winchesters that it was impossible for me to not think about them for more than 10 minutes. I was on my own now. Alone. A lone wolf. And I was about to feel like absolute shit once I landed in Japan and my social awkwardness came out to play in a foreign country whose language I wasn't familiar with. Fingers crossed.

—One plane ride later—

First stop, Wakoucha at the airport cafe. Overpriced but worth every yen. After a couple of sips, I got my bearings and hauled ass to the hotel the FBI director set me up at. Presidential suite, of course. Exorcising a demon outta his brother would go a long way.

A ping on my laptop draws my attention. A video call from the guy himself. Answering it, I say, “Hey, I just got to—” when he makes a shushing gesture. I pipe down, curious to see what he’s on about. He holds up a piece of paper for me to read. Surprisingly, I can read it perfectly. Which means someone must have taken the pain to write it inverted. There’s no doubt what it is. At my nod, he promptly sets fire to the paper with a lighter, gives me a thumbs up and ends the call.

Well, then. No time to waste.

I change into the charming suit that makes me look like a cinnamon roll, idiots never see it coming when I gank them. All geared up I go to my FBI-issued car (I miss Baby) and head up to meet the famous L and the officially “disbanded” taskforce.

—Time Skip—

The building is quite ordinary from the outside. The same old grey skyscraper with the corporate soul-sucking vibe. Somewhere inside there is a group of people with whom I will be catching a killer with supernatural powers. L’s right-hand man was informed of my arrival and he was waiting for me right as I step in the doors. He’s completely covered from head to toe so that I cannot even get one glimpse of his skin. The only thing I can say is he’s tall. The dude’s just standing there until I clear my throat and speak, “Verification?”. Nodding, he starts-“Jefferson” and I finish-“Starship”.

Codes confirmed, he wordlessly leads me down the lobby. The security inside is no joke. When the detectors beep, he gestures to me to upturn my pockets. Knowing there’s no way out of this, I take out the couple of guns and knives I had on me. He even confiscates my mobile phone. The holy water’s filled in a disposable plastic bottle so I can easily take it past the checkpoint. No way I could’ve broken in here on my own. I can’t help but feel like a dumb kid who doesn’t know the hell she’s doing. Before, with Sam and Dean, it was just natural to feel confident and self-assured. I try to channel some of that right now and attempt to make conversation. “Call me Anne (Pick your fake name). Pleased to meet you. How’s the case coming along sir? Any new leads since we last talked?” To my credit, my voice only wavers for 5 seconds max. The guy gives me a side glance but doesn’t respond. Not to be discouraged any more than I already am, I barrel on. “So I’ve been following this case like everybody and I already have a couple of theories- I can’t share them yet- but I’d like to ask you something about L. I’ve heard he’s a bit…moody and I don’t want to butt heads with him on the investigation or make him feel like I’m taking over. Any words of advice on how to make this smooth sailing?”

Silence. Fine then. I’ve already given too much power to him. Now it’s time to be all tough and laconic myself. We take the elevator and stop several floors up. My heart is fluttering as a tall dude leads me to a set of doors and just throws them open. Every head snaps my way. Well, shit.

I flashback to 1st grade when I changed schools. The teacher was mean and made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I hated her then and I hate the tall dude now. I turn to glare at him to find out he’s already left. Turning to face my audience, I wave and give a sheepish smile. I know I just look like a dork. God, what’s wrong with me? When did I suddenly become a schoolgirl? These guys will never take me seriously now. Damn it.

I jump when a voice pulls me out of my self-criticism, “Who are you? How did you get in?” It’s a guy about Bo…60 years old pointing a gun at me. Nearly everyone is except a couple of boys. I start to answer but another voice cuts me off. A warm, gravelly, soothing voice. “She’s our newest member.” It takes me a moment to realize the speaker is this cute little weirdo sitting in a big chair in front of a gigantic screen. Seriously, just wow. A moment of appreciation is required here. This guy is soooooo cute. I drink in his features- his big bambi eyes, his chaotic raven hair that I long to feel, his perfect mouth as he pops in a marshmall- “We have to tolerate her for now as the FBI has forced her upon us”, the said mouth pipes up. And just like that my fantasies take a sharp turn and I see my fist connecting with his teeth and his perfect mouth bloody.

Feeling sufficiently insulted, I snark back, “Shut the hell up, asshole. Like I’m thrilled to be forced to work with a bunch of incompetent jackasses who haven’t been able to catch a pathetic killer in months. The headquarters had to send in a babysitter to mind the greatly overrated L. Make sure you give me the case report before you choke to death stuffing your cakehole and do Kira’s work for him.”

His eyes narrow and I ain’t backing down. Let’s show him who’s boss.

A/N:

Thanks for reading my first work! More chapters to come- I've got the plot ready, hope you enjoy it :)

(Please reblog and comment if you please- they fuel my passion. Constructive criticism and genuine praise always help too!)

Until next time! CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

[thebumblecee]

hi if u want more distraction i would love to hear more tarlteo thots 🥰

Tarlteo is my brand tbh.

- Mateo lacks a particular skill set when it comes to sucking dick but he makes up for it with enthusiasm!!

-That boy says the phrase “that’s a thing?!?” at least once a week. Yes, it’s a thing and you’re going to love it.

-I always HC that Carlos and Mateo’s families are from rival cities and TK has heard every version of “well that’s why southerners can’t handle their spice as well” and ���it’s the way they raise them in the north.” you can imagine and he’s OVER IT (Every country has their rivalries)

- the first time TK gets spit roasted he tweets about it after and Carlos confiscates his phone.

I always want to hear yours!!

[abcdosaka]

i have not posted on here in a while. idk various things have happened. but heres the most recent stuff.

this is sorta fresh (literally 2 days ago) but im mostly over it i think? i made a hinge account and briefly talked to this girl and i liked talking to her but i think i just dont know how to rizz someone up, or maybe ik and i dont have the courage to do it so i gotta play nice girl from the start. and i think our second phone call i was just kinda lacking in energy and i wasn’t texting her too often either. but at the end of it she was like lets just be friends going forward.

i havent really had any experiences before, like real ones where i was the one initiating everything, so it hurt, kinda like getting rejected for a job interview. i was like ig im just not outgoing or funny or charming enough but damn we talked like twice on the phone, we never even met up, that quick huh.

tbh i think i initiated slightly more and she was less interested and she also made it pretty clear she wasnt sure about getting into a relationship. idk its not worth analyzing. we do have a lot of similar tastes but if she wants to be friends she has to initiate and i might blow her off anyway i dont feel like talking to her anymore lol. or maybe ill respond but just really slowly. ik its giving nice guy/friendzoned. ehhh i might respond she was nice/friendly enough i just need time to get over it fully. i think this is a lets see how im feeling in a week situation. to be fair sometimes good friendships pop up out of bad experiences for me like i thought D was a huge dick when i first met him but we got along well for the time we knew each other

idk i would rather have someone who knows what they want and is certain about it too. but in the first place i dont even want to talk to ppl like its such a hassle texting randoms multiple days in a row. i got a couple other likes and i just ignored them. ive ghosted two ppl bc i just was sick of the texting going nowhere.

tbh i think im just sad bc my ego’s a little bruised. but idk that happens to me easily like applying for a job sucks and it hurts to get rejected and having a job kinda sucks too but its required. relationships, kinda the same but i dont think its required? they never seemed that great or fun or loving to me, prob bc my parents hated each other for 90% of my childhood. even when i see relationships in fiction im like oh cute but idk if i really need that.

im more upset that i dont really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. and im upset s didnt wanna meet over reading week. like besties for 10 years but you couldnt free up a space for me even tho i asked like 3 weeks ago. idk if i can even call us besties. i used to be so insecure abt what kinda friendship we had but now im kinda sick of this. maybe i should ask. i kinda hate feeling needy or sounding clingy though. idk i was pretty friendly in my response

she didnt even receive it T_T

idk she hasnt responded to any messages frequently for the past month so shes probably really busy but ugh i fucking hate this. i just wish she’d check in for once like “hey sorry ive just been really busy the past month and havent had the energy or time to respond but hopefully ill have some time soon”. cuz the thing is its kinda typical of her to flake/be distant/antisocial. like after we graduated hs she ignored my messages for a month and she promised not to do that again. and when we hung out for the last time before i moved for uni she overslept and i think shes done that two or three times since. its really frustrating when we dont get to see each other than often. so if i ask her its gonna be like this is an isolated incident but its not and im prob not gonna see her again after i graduate uni bc i wanna move across the country. and we almost never call bc everytime i ask she doesnt want to. i think thats just her hating calling but how tf else are we supposed to stay in contact when we live in different cities??? and texting for hours on end is fking annoying? same difference ik a bit hypocritical there but also, calling means u can multitask but texting means u have to focus solely on texting unless you wanna respond every 2 hours or even worse, every 5 minutes, theres no flow unless you pay full attention to texting.

and the thing that sucks even harder. is that we had a mutual friend, j, who was her BESTIE for middle school and almost all of highschool. (i had a crush on this chick btw but never told her and i kinda stopped talking to her in senior year). and j did the same fucking thing like she decided she didnt wanna talk to people she knew before highschool anymore and basically just slowly cut s out of her life. and s was so upset abt it she told me abt it a lot

see the thing is if i do confront her about ALL of this, i  think its gonna go the worst way possible. like we will slowly drift apart and im gonna lose my closest friend who probably doesnt even consider me at least one of her closest friends. and then im fucked. i mean im not fucked but im starting from ground zero.its really hard not having someone you know you can rely on. altho maybe shes not the most reliable and ive been coping by pretending im independent and dont need anyone for emotional shit. maybe im just catastrophizing. like on one hand, i truly am unsure enough abt our friendship that idk if she’d make an effort after i move real far. but on the other hand i am a known pessimist and i suck at this people bullshit. so idk if i should ask or not.

ugh i shouldnt have wrote this. i was like “if i go in depth on this post i wont be able to stop and then im gonna cry and i dont wanna cry. i should try to keep it light.” like lol. at least it was good practice for typeracer. im gonna do one race and go to sleep. this is frustrating

[chainsawch-bnha]

A little support course kiddo I made

Also if you see this V, yes I gave him a less batshit shirt. But!! (Secret!) he's still wearing the old one underneath this one

Little character sheet:

Name: Jun'ichi Naga

Pronouns: He/Him/His, It/Its/Itself, Sie/Sier/Sierself,

Gender: "Something masc aligned?? I don't fuckin know tbh."

Quirk: Spirit Swap

Quirk Description: He can allow spirits to possess him, in turn his spirit leaves his body while the other is possessing it. His body also transforms to look like the spirit that is possessing him. (Note, he does not gain their quirks, even mutant quirks only have the users appearance. He does however, gain their natural strength, physical appearance, and voice.)

Other: He captures ghosts in iron pocket watches with silver mirrors in them. He carries them in his coat and around his belt.

Appearance: He is always smiling, and never seems to blink... He has dark purple hair- it's almost black- and deep purple eyes with a red and gold ring around his pupil. His hairstyle is a short wolf cut that makes his face seem much rounder. He puts his hair up when he is working. Also he has the worst fucking shirts holy shit. When asked why he wears them, he says "I can wear whatever the fuck I want. Suck my dick." Sometimes he wears normal shirts, like spooky themed button ups. But most of his shirts are batshit insane. His favourite one is the 'I got Pegged at Cracker Barrel, Old Country Store' shirt. He also wears long skirts, usually pleated. He also likes plaid, and he has an eye for color. Very warm and dark colors are his usual go-to. He also likes nuetral tones.

Personality: He is usually silent, unless spoken to. He has a completely deadpan voice but says the most insane shit all the time (similar to Moist Critikal's voice). To the dead, he is gentle and patient. They have been through a lot, and he understands how traumatizing death is. He tries his best to care for them and even helps some spirits pass on peacefully. He doesn't know where they go once they are gone, but he hopes it's somewhere nice so they can finally rest.

Here's some more pics of him

[imperiusv]

Whoops , missed it - 8/10

I was travelling and then I had loads of work , so i forgot to post this.

Damn this year went by so fast, I've been working here like a slaving mule, from the crack of dawn , i bring the bacon home and when i get done at night, all the stars are big and bright!

Oh boy , was i complaining how stale last year was, and did i wish for change last year , cuz change is what we got all year long! Literally all the things i wanted happened - i got a new job, i moved to a different country, i got a sweet new place ,a bunch of cool ass plants , new stuff , squeezed all i could from Ireland , made bank and i got a new young piece of ass, what more can a guy ask for? But then again its not 10/10 , but 8/10 , AGAIN you never appreciate anything, nothing truly makes you happy and i can not understand why? Am I messed up in the head like Bo - with his distorted ideals of reality, perfection and appreciation, how things "should" be and the failure to achieve these ideas makes you miserable and feeling unaccomplished. Does truly nothing ever makes me happy?

I find that hard to believe, what kind of sick fuck do i have to be , not to feel happiness at all. I do feel happy , happier than ever i suppose - but I can't lie to myself , something is missing and i don't know what - its not money , sex , work or kinship , but its definitely not her fault and i will not let this poison me , her , us or anyone else I care about for that matter. I won't let it happen , not this time, not ever again. I will never bring ruin upon myself like that again. I will look for that missing part of me in the years to come and my only hope is to find it soon enough. Maybe its a little baby or two lol. I hope her babygirl makes that dumb bitch happy, more than her fat loser husband anyway.

The only thing that sucked this year is i didn't get to travel so much , they screwed me with my holidays , or i screwed myself tbh, by believing and giving to people that do not deserve my very presence . That nice vacation in Sicily was good, but not nearly enough and what good is all this money , when you don't spend it , so I've made some hefty travel plans this year, i hope they pan out, adventure awaits !

I think this year I've read/listen to more books and visited more museums than i have in the last 5 years, i feel so much more culturally enriched than before , slowly but surely I'm becoming the person i aspire to be, my bullshit tolerance has gone down to almost zero , you would be so proud of me lol. I thought of you less and less and less, the occasional vision or dream would mess things a little, but it's just a faint whisper in the dead of night , rather than a loud ominous presence at the back of my head during every passing moment .

Overall it was a great year, my biggest issues were the lack of lactose free skyr in Amsterdam and making the fucking Dutch sounds. I feel like i need more toil and strife in my life, I'm getting soft. If only the world wasn't going to shit, this would've been a great start of a beautiful decade in my life , sadly i think it will all come crashing down soon and we are gonna be left with a big bag o dicks.

P.S. I am old now lol

[magicshopaholic]

Lmao okay you know when I told you I was going to respond to every single bullet because each one made me choke on my coffee just a little? Well here goes

Mkay the way it starts with her having a backstage pass to a bts concert?? I’m jealous - This was the most self-indulgent part of any story I have ever written in my whole life 🥲

Not tae being a sappy baby gosh, if only he’d stayed that way - Aafsdfhsdkfh you're gonna regret saying that when the sap returns

Love the way they didn’t get it easy just bc it was love at first sight. Long distance relationship that consists of mostly texts and calls ARE hard and you portrayed that well!! But Dilara definitely could have answered tae’s good luck text with more than just an emoji lmao - Awkwardness of a transatlantic one-night stand 🤷‍♀️

Rip alex turner lmao (also all I could think of was age gap when I read this first haha) - Oh yeah this would've been a big one

Honestly, “your concept is too overwhelming for me” is an incredibly powerful way to break up with someone HAHA - Hey you never know how artists think, this totally felt like something the guy who wrote She looks as if she’s blowing a kiss at me / and suddenly the sky is a scissor / sitting on the floor with a tambourine / crushing up a bundle of love would say

Taehyung during that concert was a vision and damn I think I might be in love - RIGHT??? This exact concert was my inspiration for this whole fic

Not the lockscreen’s picture I’ll cry - Sappiest sap of all time

The fact that he doesn’t know they got her backstage passes I’m dead - Obviously they thought he couldn't be trusted to process such information

Not tae having a fake account to follow her career - With a pfp and fake feed and everything, commenting single hearts on all her posts

Oop, fucking in a dark staircase mmmmh - lmao no comment

NO WHY IS SHE LEAVING SO SOON - They are the most dramatic couple that's why

Am I the only one that feels like her hiding Alex Turner form tae is a red flag? - obviously secrets are not a first for them 🚩

Lmao not tae being afraid of being caught vaping while jk literally had his vape out for everyone to see in that live HAHA - Haha I imagine Tae would stop giving a shit eventually too (although he's trying to quit now!)

I didn’t know green apple cigarette was a thing - It is in my country at least because I used to smoke it

Exhibitionism kink for the win - Whenever, wherever

Tae is a dirty lil hoe and I’m all here for it - This may be the entire fandom's one common headcanon

NOT HER SINGING MAKE IT RIGHT BEFORE SUCKING HIS DICK LMAO - I HAVE TO HAVE BEEN HIGH WHEN I WROTE THIS BC WTF

Why are Jimin and Jungkook interrupting bruh - BTS interruption line

“Jungkook tagging along for reasons best known to himself” MMMMMMMMMMMH you are contributing to the agenda of Jungkook having a crush on Dilara a lot ma’am - nO COMMENT

Jungkook having separation anxiety from tae is canon - Damn this was such a thing back when I wrote this

“Daniel Ricciardo, a handsome fellow driver” HAHAHA DAMN RIGHT - where is the lie

Why wouldn’t she want to be his gf BRUH - D to the R to the AMA

People getting jealous bc of jimin is peak jimin behaviour and I will not explain why - And this can work in any combination and any direction, the man gives off slut energy without even trying

WHY IS HE FREEZING BC SHE SAID I LOVE YOU - tbh I think he would have assumed she didn't feel that way anymore

Oh no he knows about alex turner - :(((

“I wondered why you’d stopped responding” don’t touch me while I cry (also foreshadow much???????) - Unintentional but man does it work

Ofc he’s loved her every day :’’’’’’’’’) - Every damn day 😭

KEEP THE BANDANA GIRLIE - She returned it to him when she sent him his stuff but she would've stolen it back 100%

Gosh that last line/text - :')))

Why did he have to fuck everything up - why indeed

I’m - yes

Gosh - this

I missed these idiots - me toooooooo

This review made me realise how long ago I wrote this :') Whatta hoot this review was <3

Los Angeles (Taehyung x OC)

Summary: Eight months after a magical weekend with Kim Taehyung, after which you never thought you'd see him again, you find yourself reunited with him for one more night.

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst

Word count: 14.2 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, separation, implications of heartbreak, jealousy, heavy making out, nipple play, fingering, oral sex, blowjobs, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), slightly dominant behaviour during sex

Listen to: "goodnight bad morning" by the kills

taehyung masterlist | main masterlist

“Can I check your bag, please?”

You handed it over and took it back with a smile, slipping your arms through the straps and letting it rest on your back as you made your way into the arena, immediately scanning the crowd for Lily. It was last minute, inviting Lily along; but it was the one advantage of being in California - and, of course, having an extra ticket since the band sent you their own.

Your heart skipped a familiar beat at the thought, the backstage pass in your bag feeling like the magic key that would allow you to see him again, in the flesh. If he wanted to see you, that is.

A few months ago, it wouldn’t have even been a doubt in your mind. When you’d left Japan in October, it had been in a state of heartbreak and regret, and the following few days hadn’t been much better. You’d stayed in the black hoodie he’d asked you to keep the whole time, his ring hanging around your neck, listening to The Shins and Norah Jones on a loop, feeling your heart sink at random moments when you’d remember all of a sudden that you’d never see Taehyung again.

You had no way of knowing for sure, but you were reasonably certain that he was going through a tough time, too. Jimin had done a Vlive a couple days after Japan and Taehyung had appeared on camera for a few minutes, looking morose and not talking too much, eventually walking off without saying goodbye - which was when you noticed that he was in a familiar grey hoodie that only two people in the world owned as drivers for Red Bull Racing Honda - one of them being you. He’d also posted a picture on Weverse with the caption “goodbye, i’ll miss you”; to anyone else, it might have just looked like a nice scenery somewhere in the Japanese countryside, but you recognised it immediately as the dog farm he’d taken you to on what you privately counted as your first - and only - date.

You two weren’t stupid, though. Very aware that you lived in a world which had the magic of the internet and phones, you’d started off keeping in touch, texting and occasionally calling whenever you got a chance. But it hadn’t worked out too well, for many reasons. Firstly, BTS was on tour. Even as you followed them online and saw clips and interviews from the fan accounts you followed, it was clear that they had neither the time nor the energy to focus on a single thing more. Secondly, you yourself were nearing the end of the Formula One season and Red Bull, true to form, hadn’t yet made a decision regarding the renewal of your contract for the next year. You had made it onto the podium (second place) in the Japanese Grand Prix, the last time you’d seen Taehyung, which had definitely gotten you a lot closer to a contract, but the focus you’d had to put in in the following races - Russia, Mexico, Brazil, USA - had been insane until you’d finally been resigned just before the last race in Abu Dhabi.

But the real issue, at least as far as you could tell, was that you two just hadn’t got enough time together in Japan to define what you were at all. You’d both said some pretty heavy shit to each other - and while you’d meant it all, it was hard to reconcile that storybook weekend with just texts back and forth, especially when they started becoming more and more infrequent over time.

You had called him on his birthday, not knowing it was the last phone call you’d have. After multiple failed attempts at video calls and normal voice calls, you’d finally settled for just texting him a happy birthday, telling him you missed him and that you hoped he’d have an amazing year ahead. Taehyung hadn’t responded until the next day with a “thanks” and a heart emoji. You’d tried not to feel hurt by it; he probably had a concert or an actual birthday party he was at and after all, it was only a matter of time before their real lives took over your fantasy weekend romance.

January had gone by in a haze of missing each other’s calls and texts while he was in the US and you were in the factory, helping your team develop the car for the new season, and by February, your focus was geared towards testing the car. In March, the new season started. The day of the opening race in Australia, you’d received a text from Taehyung, wishing you good luck for the first race. Your heart had skipped a beat; he’d wished you religiously for every remaining race last year and it felt nice that he remembered that you were still racing. You hadn’t seen it until after the race had ended and you’d landed back in London, though; by then, it was too late to respond with anything more than a singular emoji, making it the last communication you’d shared.

You didn’t know if your feelings for him had really gone anywhere, but they certainly took a backseat after a while, if for no other reason than the fact that it hurt too much to keep missing him. You’d finally confided in Lexie, your closest friend and trainer, sometime in January, when the realisation that you would eventually become strangers started to overwhelm you. She hadn’t been too surprised, but by the time the season started, Lexie had started dropping hints about how you should start moving on, either by making racing your sole focus or by something you hadn’t really considered till then: dating.

In April, you met Alex Turner. He and the rest of the Arctic Monkeys had been at the Monaco Grand Prix, the oldest and most famous race of the year, home to every celebrity under the sun, to perform at the Amber Lounge Fashion Show the day before, and you’d first made eye contact when you’d walked down the runway and he’d crooned Take it easy for a little while right to you, a moment that had gone viral in the F1 community for about ten minutes. You’d partied on Sunday night after the race and, hopped up on a reasonable number of drinks and naturally attracted to how mysterious and sexy he was, you’d hooked up in an empty cabin on the boat.

You’d dated very briefly after that, mostly because you were both single and based out of London. Alex called you his muse, photographing you while you lay around on his couch and penning random lyrics about how a fast car had swept him away and whatnot. You, on the other hand, with your apparent weakness for dark and brooding musicians, knew instantly what you were trying to do and whom you were trying to replace - and how miserably you were failing. You hadn’t realised you were failing until a few weeks in, when you’d woken up in his bed one morning and, expecting to see Taehyung’s face, had felt your heart sink when you’d seen Alex’s instead.

You’d broken up with him before breakfast, a conversation that had turned unexpectedly mutual when Alex had claimed that your “concept” had been too “overwhelming” for him, while you chose to stick to more straightforward reasons and told him flat out that your career was too demanding for a relationship. You’d stood in the kitchen in silence, the mutual relief in the air obvious to any sentient individual, before he’d pulled yu in and kissed you goodbye. You’d suspected he wanted it to be a passionate farewell that he could probably write a song about, but in the haze of the previous night’s liquor and this morning’s freedom, you’d ended up fucking on his dining table before you left his apartment for the last time.

Your decision to come to this concert had been a tough one. On the one hand, it was a BTS concert - enough said. On the other, you didn’t know where you and Taheyung stood and while you could very well go to the concert and leave without anyone being the wiser, this could be your one chance to get closure - whichever way it went. Not knowing meant you were unable to move on, though, so despite how big of a risk this was, you knew you had to take it.

The next question was how to actually meet him. Calling and informing anyone in the band was out of the question; the only thing you wanted less than finding out you were over was making Taehyung feel obligated to invite you backstage. It could make you seem like a girl who couldn’t get over an ancient fling or a fan looking for clout, and you frankly couldn’t pick which was worse.

Finally, after ages of overthinking, you decided to post an Instagram story with Lily, taken in front of The Radisson where you were staying, captioning it “Los Angeles represent with this hot local” with a song from one of their older albums as the soundtrack. It was as subtle as you could make it; if any of the band members still remembered you, they’d see it on your Instagram. You knew for a fact that at least Namjoon, Hoseok and Jungkook had private accounts - if even one of them saw, you’d get your answer.

When you’d returned to your hotel after lunch the day before the concert and the receptionist had handed you an official-looking envelope, your stomach had squirmed in anticipation and excitement. As hoped, it consisted of two tickets and a backstage pass to the concert, along with a note saying “Hope to see you there! - BTS”. While it hadn’t escaped your notice that it was signed by the entire band, you were glad that the envelope had arrived at all.

Lily was your obvious choice for the concert; ever since she’d started dating Alex Albon, a fellow F1 driver, you’d both hit it off and made sure to hang out every time she came to support him at a race. Had Lexie been here, it would unquestionably have been her, but you were somewhat glad it wasn’t, especially since there was only one backstage pass which would be a lot harder to explain away to Lexie, as well as the fact that Lexie was sure to ask a ton of insightful questions, none of which you felt you had the answers to.

You’d spent all of last night in a haze of anxiety and excitement, even going so far as to reconsider going at all. There was no way, of course; at the very least, you knew Lily wouldn’t allow you to miss the concert. Now, you searched for her, constantly checking your phone for any update on her location.

When you finally found Lily, it was less than five minutes before the band came on stage. The show passed in a blur of energy and colour. Halfway through, you realised that no matter what happened between you and Taehyung tonight, attending the concert was more than worth it. When you saw him walk onto the stage for the first time, your heart stopped. It was proof, whole and conclusive proof, that he did indeed exist, that he wasn’t a dream. It was also a vaguely sinking feeling when you saw him gaze at the crowd and perform his heart out, that it wasn’t at all unreasonable to presume that you were well and truly in the past for him.

You tried to enjoy seeing him in the flesh as much as you could, though. He was in black joggers, a black t-shirt and a black unzipped hoodie, a black and white bandana around his forehead. His hair was slightly shorter and straighter than the long and voluminous perm that it was in Japan, but he looked so incredibly sexy that it didn’t even matter. When he sang his verse of Mikrokosmos and appeared on the screen, eyes full of emotion as he looked out at the crowd, you realised with an unexpected sadness that even if it ended today, this was the best last memory you could have of Taehyung.

At some point, he looked to his left and smiled at Jimin with his glorious, boxy smile, hair falling effortlessly on his bandana and onto his forehead. You’d run your hands through that hair, you remembered. Pulled at it, brushed it out of his eyes. You’d kissed those lips, hugged those shoulders, held those hands the last time you’d seen him, when he’d told you he loved you. I know it doesn’t make sense but I really do, he’d said, lips at your hair, arms around your waist. You felt a pang in your chest at the thought that it might not mean as much to him anymore.

When the concert ended, you said goodbye to Lily and hung back for a bit before heading to the building behind the stage, flashing your backstage pass at the bouncer. He looked at your pass, glanced at your face, and led you to the side, into a dark corner that looked more like a storage space than anything. You were just starting to get creeped out when you finally saw a familiar face.

“Hey, you came!” Namjoon, tall and winded, appeared from one of the corridors and immediately hugged you. You were glad it was just him; during the short weekend in Japan, the only other members of the band you interacted with at length were him and Jungkook. “It’s so good to see you. Taehyung’s going to lose it when he sees you,” he added, chortling, as he motioned for you to follow him.

Taehyung. You sighed and stopped in your tracks, knowing you had to ask. You were both in a corridor now, about to climb a small flight of stairs to a door that you could only presume eventually led to their green room. Namjoon stopped as well, frowning. “Everything alright?”

“Is this -” You bit your lip, your heart beating faster now. “Is this a bad idea? Tell me honestly. I mean, it’s been - what - eight months since I last saw him? Does he, you know… does he even remember me?” Does he even care?

For all his intelligence, Kim Namjoon looked highly confused, as though he was still processing the question. “Who? Taehyung?” When you nodded, slowly and incredulously, he froze - but not as though he was in shock. More like something in his brain stopped working. “Well, I mean… I’m not in his mind, but I think... I think he could get electroshock therapy and still not forget you,” he said kindly before straightening his face. “Seriously, he hasn’t been the same since Japan. Do you really think he - I mean, as far as I know, you’re still his phone’s lockscreen.”

You were sure the last part was an exaggeration, but your heart leapt all the same. “Are you sure?” you pressed, mostly because you thought you knew what Namjoon looked like when he was confident, and this wasn’t it. “Did he send me the backstage pass or was it all of you?”

“Um…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Okay, so technically, he doesn’t know you’re here. Jungkook saw your post on Instagram and I got the passes sent to your hotel. But we just wanted to surprise him, that’s all,” he added quickly, obviously seeing your eyes widen in shock.

“He doesn’t know? Oh, my God! What if - what if -” You couldn’t even speak, the number of worst case scenarios in your head suddenly skyrocketing. “Okay, this is a really bad idea. You know what, I can just leave right now and he never has to know, okay? Great concert, by the way,” you added hastily, already turning around to sprint the hell out of this place when Namjoon grabbed hold of your arm.

“Okay, come on,” he said calmly, like he was speaking to a child about to enter pre school for the first time. “Look, at least meet him. It would break his heart if he knew you were here and you still didn’t at least see him.”

“Why will he ever find out?”

“Well, I mean, he knows you’re here.”

Your eyes widened. “You just said he doesn’t know!”

“No, no, he doesn’t know you’re here backstage,” he corrected himself, waving his hands impatiently. “But he knows you’re in Los Angeles because he -” Namjoon broke off abruptly and sighed. “Okay, do not tell him I told you this, but… he created a fake Instagram account so he could follow your career. Like, literally, in the car on the way to the airport in Japan. He thinks we don’t know but we do.”

You were speechless for a few seconds. “But… if he knows I’m here then why didn’t he say anything?” you asked in a small voice.

“Well, because if I have to guess, he probably thought you forgot about him,” guessed Namjoon, clearly losing patience now.

You swallowed, staring at him. “What’s his username?” you asked finally.

“Taeovercoffee,” he said, without skipping a beat.

You could feel yourself wanting to smile, finally rolling your eyes. “Well, he’s wrong obviously,” you muttered, your heart fluttering and mind going back to Japan. But you were still anxious. Looking up at Namjoon, you tried to ask him, silently, if he really thought this was a good idea.

He sighed, chuckling in what you took to be mild disbelief. “Do you know that ever since Japan, he’s increased the number of English classes he’s taking to thrice a week? It’s the first time he’s ever done that. He’s taking as many classes as Jungkook now.”

You swallowed, pretending not to know what he was getting at. “Haven’t they all been learning since debut?”

“Exactly.”

Heart thumping hard, you finally nodded. “Not sure what that has to do with me, but… okay.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes with an unimpressed look at her, knowing he’d won. “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t. Can we go now?” When you exhaled and nodded again, he resumed walking. You followed him to the green room, where it was just Seokjin, Yoongi and Hoseok present, all still in their concert outfits, looking exhausted but exhilarated. They stood up when they saw you, though, greeting you like they knew you already, Hoseok even coming up to hug you.

You were still there a few minutes later, preferring to listen to them talk while you fretted about finally, finally meeting Taehyung. You worried about everything; your clothes (skirt overalls over a crop top and sneakers), your hair (shorter than Japan), what you would say. It was nerve wracking; you wanted him to hurry up but simultaneously take his time.

Finally, right when Namjoon and Jin were in the middle of discussing some hilarious mistake that no one in the audience seemed to have caught in Korean, Jin’s gaze shifted to something behind you, looking over the top of your head. You turned involuntarily, before you could fully guess what he was looking at, and it was like you’d gone back in time.

It was like a scene out of West Side Story; everything else blurred into the background and it was just Taehyung, tall and sweaty and sexy, looking at you with wide eyes as if you were a hallucination. He was still in his stage clothes, down to the black and white bandana, his black hair falling onto his forehead with graceful ease. You could just about make out Jimin and Jungkook on either side of him, but neither of them could steal your focus from him.

Your heart was racing and you realised you were holding your breath. You exhaled shakily and attempted a small smile. “Hi,” you managed, swallowing. When he didn’t reply, you panicked. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called but I didn’t want to -”

You barely registered his smile beginning to appear before he’d covered the distance to you in two strides and grabbed you into a gigantic hug, pulling you close and tight. You automatically wrapped your arms around his neck, momentarily forgetting you weren’t alone and burying your face in his shoulder as you heard him murmur into your hair, partly in English and partly in Korean.

“Oh, my God,” he whispered, arms so tight around you that you felt like your ribcage might break. “You’re here, you’re really here…” He switched to Korean, clearly unaware, but you didn’t care because you got it. You got it, and you were so relieved that you got it and he got it.

He set you down but didn’t let you go, pulling away just a bit. “How - how are you -” He broke off, sounding like he’d just run a marathon but Namjoon interrupted before you could respond.

“Um, I don’t mean to -” He grimaced, looking awkward as hell, “but the staff will get here soon.” He locked eyes with Taehyung, who nodded in understanding and grabbed your hand.

“Come on,” he said breathlessly, tugging on your hand, and you both hurried out of the room. You had no idea where you were going; you simply followed Taehyung. You finally reached a dimly lit stairwell where you halted to a stop and, almost like you could read each other’s minds, launched yourselves onto each other. Taehyung pushed you against the wall, hands firmly gripping your waist, and kissed you passionately, almost frantically. You kissed him back, hands running through his hair before they snaked down to the waistband of his joggers.

It was all very quick and heated and desperate. You palmed him through his joggers as his lips roamed your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses down to your collarbone; you nipped at his lower lip while he pulled your underwear down and hitched you up, lining himself up at your soaking entrance and sliding in when you whispered your desires against his ear. You forgot everything else: where you were, why you were here, what you would do if you got caught. It was just you and Taehyung consummating everything you’d felt over the last eight months.

It was not what you’d imagined when you’d thought about this night but somehow this hot, frantic sex, all lips and tongue and teeth and incoherent moans, against a wall with Kim Taehyung, so long since you’d last seen him, seemed like exactly the kind of thing you ought to have expected.

When you were back on your feet and done cleaning up with tissues that your friend Chris insisted you carry everywhere, he walked back up to you. You were still leaning back against the wall, knees weak and panting slightly as you came back down from your orgasm, heart speeding up as he reached closer and closer to you. When he was finally standing before you, your chests touching, he brought his hands up to your face hesitantly, so unlike how he’d held you just a few minutes ago.

“You’re really here,” he murmured, his eyes wide with hope and wonder, almost as if he was afraid you were going to disappear. His hands slid down to your shoulders, your arms, your waist, and back up to your face. “It’s really you, you’re really here…”

You bit your lip and chuckled, knowing exactly how he felt. Your weekend in Japan had seemed like something out of a fantasy and you were somewhat glad to know that you weren’t the only one that felt overwhelmed by the reality of it all. You reached up and held onto his wrists, stroking the back of his hands with your thumbs, drinking in the sight of him. “I’m really here,” you confirmed softly.

Taehyung laughed weakly before lowering his head and kissing you, a full, deep, passionate kiss. You opened your mouth and let him in immediately, finally remembering what this felt like, what you’d tried to find with Alex but could never possibly compare to this. He was exactly like you remembered; how close he pulled you to him, how his tongue roamed your mouth, how his hair was so soft and so easy to grab, even if it was damp and sweaty after his concert.

You broke apart after a little while but didn’t pull away; Taehyung rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed. You wanted to close your eyes, too, and stay here forever but you knew you couldn’t, that you had to at least let him know what the situation was. “Tae,” you whispered.

He smiled, eyes still closed. “Dilara.”

Even as you smiled, you felt a small prickle in your eyes when you heard your name come out of his mouth with that Korean lilt, still sounding like the most melodious song he’d ever heard. You tilted your head up slightly and kissed him again before pulling away this time, leaning back against the wall. “Tae.”

He stood straight now and you finally registered how tall he was, your forehead just making it past his shoulder. His hands fell from your waist but he reached up to twirl a strand of your hair on your shoulder, looking down at you with a fond hint of a smile, as though nothing you could say could ruin this for him. When you took a deep breath, he raised his eyebrows in that playful, smirky way of his, asking you to continue.

“I, um…” You bit your lip and tugged on the bottom of his t-shirt, just to give your hands something to do. “I have a flight in the morning.”

Taehyung’s face fell just a bit. As you’d suspected, the end of your dalliance was not something he’d thought of yet. “Oh,” he said finally, eyes falling to the ground as his shoulders dropped. But then he raised his eyes to meet yours again. “Then we have tonight.”

True to form, just like the first night you met, Taehyung took you to the terrace of the building. He told you on the way that they’d recorded, practiced, rehearsed and performed, all in this very building. Apparently it’s where they spent the majority of their time whenever they were in Los Angeles. You preferred it, especially when you reached the top and the cool night breeze hit your face. Next to you, Taehyung sighed and closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

“Shit, you must be tired,” you said, suddenly feeling guilty. “Are you sure you don’t want to -”

“No, no, I’m fine,” he interrupted you, shaking his head and coming up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist. “I’ve been waiting for this for too long now,” he told you, kissing your cheek. “Plus, we’re alone…”

You giggled, turning around and happily obliging, kissing him as though you did it every day (wishing). He snickered, responding with feel and, you guessed, adrenaline from after the show, picking you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. It was so familiar; it still felt like young love, full of excitement and affection and heat. Finally, lips still on his, you reached behind him and tugged at his bandana, untying it, pulling away and hopping down.

Taehyung threw his head back and shook out his thick hair, joining you near where you sat down with your back against a low wall, in the perfect position to take in the view overlooking the entire city. “So,” he began, taking a seat in front of you against a low parapet, bending his knees and casually taking one of your hands in his, interlinking your fingers. “How are you?”

You tried to tell him everything; how the F1 season ended, the fact that you got re-signed for another two years, that your mum and Rudy celebrated fifteen years together. You skirted around the topic of Alex; you didn’t think you had anything to feel guilty about but at the same time, especially given how passionate your reunion with Taehyung had been, you felt yourself wanting to hide it for as long as possible. You both hadn’t even been \very big; except for a few F1 fan accounts on Instagram who themselves could only speculate, no one knew for certain, especially since you and Alex definitely never went public.

There was so much to catch up on that the conversation eventually moved to Taehyung, his tour, how disappointed he was to not be home for his birthday again but that the boys did their best to give him a great time anyway, how he was exploring dreams as a theme for writing music. Sometime during the conversation, you shifted where you were sitting on the floor and your foot hit your bag, knocking it over so its contents spilled out. Thankfully, it wasn’t much - except for one thing.

Taehyung paused before gingerly picking up the cigarette pack, face smooth and completely unreadable. You sighed, just like you did the first time Lexie, Chris and Fred each found out. “Okay, don’t judge me. I don’t smoke all that often; just when I’m stressed or…” Your gaze flickered up to him. “... anxious.”

“I vape,” he stated, looking up at you with that same impassive expression.

You raised your eyebrows, not expecting that. “You do?”

He nodded. “I don’t do it so often, though,” he echoed, the corner of his mouth lifting. “But… yeah. Not just you.”

“Guess we learned something new about each other tonight,” you said softly. “But, you know. I have to hide it,” you added, gesturing to the smokes and the lighter. “The F1 community will not take well to a driver smoking, especially in this day and age.”

Taehyung nodded. “I get it. If I ever get photographed with a vape…” He didn’t even finish his sentence, but he may as well have. K-pop idols were held to such a standard of perfection that if it ever came out that V of BTS was vaping, he would be crucified.

“I can keep a secret,” you told him, holding out your pinky. He looped his own around it and tugged, pulling you onto his lap so you straddled him. There was a shift in the air; there was something so hot and intimate about sharing a sordid secret like this with him, a vice you both had, a weakness that couldn’t get out to the world - except to each other.

Almost to test him, you pulled out a thin, long cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag and only breaking eye contact when you tilted your head up towards the sky and let out a breath of silvery smoke. When you looked back down at him, there was darkness in his eyes, his cheekbones looking sharper than ever, his tongue slowly licking his lips. Wordlessly, you pointed the mouth of the cigarette towards him, watching as he leaned forward and took a long drag, blowing the smoke forward but to your side.

He frowned slightly. “Is that... green apple?”

You smiled in confirmation. “My favourite.” You took another drag and this time when you turned your head to blow out the smoke, he stopped you. His hand came up to your face to keep it steady and he tilted his chin up slightly, keeping it level with your face. Still not looking away from him, you slowly blew the smoke out, right into his mouth, just as he pulled your face closer and kissed you.

It was different from all the other times you’d kissed tonight. He opened his mouth and your tongues met immediately. It was slow, sensual, with deep breathing and sighs into each other's mouths. The cigarette fell forgotten as your hands went up his chest, gripping his t-shirt and feeling his hard, lean chest under your hands before they went up to his head and you ran your fingers through his soft, thick hair.

You moaned softly without meaning to; you’d missed this, him, so much. You felt his joggers twitch at the sound and rolled your hips forward, grabbing at a clump of his hair. Taehyung moved his lips down to your jaw and to your neck, leaving slow, open-mouthed kisses to your skin. His hands moved up your bare waist and up your crop top; hesitating for a moment, he ran his left thumb across your nipple through your bra.

“Shit,” you whispered, feeling your core throb. His other hand moved lower down your body and lingered on the inside of your thigh, pausing there. Eyes still closed and still biting your lip in an effort to not moan out loud, you frowned. You relaxed a bit when you felt his hand move slightly higher up but when it was less than an inch away from your core, he stopped again. Frustrated, you pulled at his hair, trying to get him to go further.

He grunted momentarily and then, to your horror, you heard him snicker against your skin, low and deep. He moved his mouth up your neck and bit at your earlobe, teasing you. You jerked away and pushed him back by his shoulders, glaring down at him. Taehyung looked up at you with that same knowing smirk, raising his eyebrows slightly and even though he wasn’t saying anything, you could practically hear him saying Beg for it - especially since it wouldn’t quite be the first time he was saying it, not in so many words.

The hand that was up your top snaked down and grabbed your arse, pulling you towards him. “Something wrong?” he asked, his fingers now touching your underwear. His smile widened slightly and you knew he’d felt how wet you were.

You sighed, your eyes fluttering shut momentarily. “Tae, come on,” you whined softly, gripping the shoulder of his hoodie in your fist. “Make me feel good, baby,” you murmured, lowering your head slightly and kissing him, your lips lingering on his. “Or not,” you said after a moment, backing up a bit. “We are in public after all.”

The smirk dimmed slightly but his jaw hardened. It felt like a switch somewhere had been turned on, making his eyes darken. “I know,” he said at last.

So Kim Taehyung had an exhibitionist kink. Or some bit of it, at least, as much as his career would allow. You felt a smirk forming on your own face when your mind suddenly ran through all the scenarios you could use this information in. For now, it made you so hot that it was a wonder you hadn’t come already.

You reached behind you and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, slowly bringing it up the side of your torso and back under your top. He pinched your nipple softly, covered with nothing but lace (a good decision, you reflected mildly), smirking and biting his lip when he felt it erect in the cool wind. He pressed his thumb over your clothed clit and you stifled a whimper, so ridiculously wet for him.

You could tell Taehyung was enjoying this, the silence, the risk, the build-up, the control. He was looking up at you with half-lidded eyes underneath dark eyebrows, lips slightly parted and curling back over his teeth. Not breaking eye contact, you raised your hands and pulled down the straps of your overalls, shrugging out of them and leaving you in just a mint green crop top that stopped just below your breasts.

“Stop teasing me, baby,” he murmured, lifting your top carefully with his left hand and pulling the lace cup down, exposing your breast to the cool wind. You shivered and he chuckled quietly, and you knew that while you were egging him on, if anyone was really getting teased here, it was you. He brushed his thumb over your hard nipple again before reaching forward and taking it into his mouth.

You couldn’t pretend any longer. “Fuck, Tae,” you whispered, your back arching and hand going up to grab his hair and keep his head in place. You reached for the hand that was up your skirt, tantalizingly close to your core but frustratingly out of reach, and pressed his palm to your wetness. He squeezed it once before letting it go, making you stifle another whine of annoyance, swirling his tongue around your nipple and sucking at it until you found yourself begging for more.

Taehyung finally pushed your underwear aside and dipped two fingers in you, his thumb going straight for your clit when you heard a sound behind you somewhere in the building and pulled at his hair slightly. “Baby,” you managed breathlessly, already feeling close, “we’re going to get caught.”

His response was to silently speed up his fingers, softly groaning at the sight of how turned on you were. Despite how close you were to coming undone, you knew you’d said the right thing - mostly because you’d said it on purpose. You reached down to feel the pulsating bulge in his joggers and you knew you were right, palming him without warning. He grunted and immediately grabbed your wrist, pushing it away.

“Uh-uh,” he muttered, shaking his head slightly. “This is about you. So whoever’s going to catch us can see you come all over my hand, baby, come on,” he purred, the Korean lilt making your toes curl, kissing your jaw and moving down your neck as his fingers moved faster, his other hand dropping your wrist and grabbing your arse to keep you steady.

“Tae, I’m gonna - oh, God, I’m coming - “ With a stifled cry against his shoulder, you felt the familiar explosion of heat come in waves, panting as his fingers slowed down and let you ride out your high, finally pulling out of you when you were done. When you opened your eyes and looked down at him, he was looking back at you with a mixture of arousal and fondness, his hands resting on the tops of your thighs.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, voice deep and loving, the sharp and sexy tone disappearing instantly. He ran his hands up your bare torso and linked his fingers around your waist and tugged you closer to him. You felt your face heat up with the way he was looking at you so you leaned forward and rested against his chest, your cheek against his shoulder and your forehead brushing his neck.

Taehyung hummed in approval of this new position and his arms tightened around you as he sat back against the wall. You sat in comfortable, intimate silence for a bit; you ran your finger along his chest in random shapes and he tapped his slender fingers softly on your back in random rhythms, making goosebumps erupt on your skin, occasionally fingering the ends of your hair. You tilted your head up slightly and inhaled as subtly as you could; he smelled of lotion, something vaguely flowery, and cologne and sweat, and you never wanted to forget it.

“Did you say something in Korean?” you asked after a couple of minutes, pulling away slightly and looking up, ignoring his low whine at the loss of contact. “When we were…”

He raised his eyebrows for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I think so. Got a bit, uh… carried away, I think,” he added, a bit sheepishly.

“No, I - I liked it,” you admitted, shrugging self-consciously. “You sounded… sexy.”

He grinned. “Yeah? I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”

It felt like you hadn’t seen this smile in ages, which you hadn’t. Not in person, anyway. You grabbed the front of his t-shirt in a loose fist and tugged. “I missed you, too,” you said after a moment, before kissing him. He responded, taking it slow and deep, opening his mouth to let your tongue in. You snaked your hand down his torso again and reached for his erection, slowly massaging it as you kissed him. This time, he let out a soft groan into your mouth but didn’t push you away; instead he nipped at your lower lip and his hips buckled just a little bit into your hand when you heard the sound again, like a door swinging shut.

You pulled away immediately and whipped around. “What was that?”

“Probably someone who can catch us,” replied Taehyung nonchalantly, reaching up to press a kiss to your exposed neck but you pushed him back.

“Tae, seriously.” You clambered off his lap, ignoring his protests, and craned your neck towards the door that led them to the terrace before turning back to him. “Can you go check? Please? You have more of a right to be here than I do.”

“But -” The relaxed arousal on his face was replaced with mild annoyance, a frown on his forehead until he rolled his eyes and got to his feet, walking away and disappearing for a couple of seconds. “Nothing,” came his deep voice, a note of irritation audible.

You stifled a chuckle, still on the ground when he walked back and gave you a look. “Fine, you were right,” you told him, grabbing his hand and making him pause where he was presumably about to sit down in his old spot. “I can make it better,” you added, adjusting yourself so you were on both your knees before him and looking up.

He raised his eyebrows. “With one of our songs? And not even a sexy one?”

“It’s been stuck in my head since the concert.” You shrugged sheepishly, reaching up to palm his slightly softer erection again. “I can make it sexy, too. You know… I can make it better...” you repeated, massaging him now, “... I can hold you tighter…” You pulled his joggers down so he was just in his boxers, his full erection now coming free, making him sigh, “... I can make it right,” you finished, your voice dropping to a murmur as you stroked your hand up his boxers and gripped his length.

Taehyung swore softly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. When you started pulling his boxers down, though, his eyes snapped open. “Baby, you don’t have to - “

“I want to,” you said immediately. When he didn’t respond, you gave him a look. “Tae. Come on, it’s not like it’s the first time.”

A smile started spreading across his face, presumably at the memory. “No… no, it’s not,” he agreed. “I just… I get a bit carried away,” he admitted after a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

For some reason, that made your stomach do a backflip. “You won’t.” You slowly ran your hands across his length again, watching as he shivered. “I want to make you feel good, too,” you implored, looking innocently up at him and licking your lips.

You could tell by how his breath was getting shakier that you were wearing him down. “You’ll tell me? If it’s too much?” he asked. When you nodded obediently, he observed you for a moment, face going back to the smooth, impassive one you’d seen for the first time in the flesh, all the back in Suzuka. “Go on, then.” When you ran a single fingertip down his length, he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “Suck me…”

You reached forward and took his tip in your mouth in answer. He swore throatily again, and despite your very recent orgasm, you could feel yourself getting aroused again at how deep his voice was. It was a different feeling, being the one to make him look so helpless, so aroused, so close to coming undone. It felt right, somehow. You should be the only one to make him feel like this, you thought, as his tip hit the back of your throat and he groaned your name out loud. Dilara… You moved your hand lower to his balls and he groaned again, higher pitched and his knees buckling slightly.

One of his hands was flat on the wall, supporting him, while the other came up to your hair and he grabbed it, hard. You whimpered involuntarily, gagging for a moment, and you knew he could feel it because he clutched it even harder as his hips buckled forward. You squeezed his thigh, letting him know he could let go, and started bobbing your head faster, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock.

“Oh, fuck, baby, I’m -” Taehyung’s voice was ragged and choked, and you could feel your jaw starting to hurt. “I’m gonna come, Dilara, I -” He broke off and groaned, and you felt his warm seed spurt on your tongue. You slowed down, pumping his length slowly until he was done before pulling away and swallowing without fuss, sitting back on your feet. You tossed your hair back and tried to make it lie flat while he pulled his boxers up, eyes still closed, looking completely fucked out.

You stood up and fixed your overalls before reaching up on the tips of your toes and kissing his cheek. Eyes still closed, he smiled breathlessly, his arms coming around you to hold you in place as he turned slightly and captured your lips in his. You wrapped your arms around his neck, reaching into his hair and running your nails along his scalp, hating that you couldn’t do this every day.

You were still very much in your own world, snogging lazily in the cool breeze of the terrace when you heard a sound followed by a different kind of groan. You jerked apart and you turned around to see Jimin and Jungkook, both holding paper bags, while Jimin had his face screwed up in exaggerated annoyance, turning away and muttering to Jungkook in Korean.

Jungkook slapped him on the shoulder, his own face red as he grinned apologetically, while Taehyung just rolled his eyes and seemingly admonished him before switching to English. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the bags.

“Are you hungry?” asked Jungkook, looking at both of them and pulling out boxes of fast food anyway, making your stomach rumble.

You could argue that in Japan, apart from Taehyung, you’d spent the most time with Jungkook and Namjoon - but even that hadn’t been a lot. You and Taehyung had been stranded in the Japanese countryside after the dog farm when the hotel car Taehyung had driven you in had broken down, and he’d predictably called Namjoon for help. Apparently a recent license-holder, the leader had driven over to rescue the two of you, Jungkook tagging along for reasons best known only to himself.

Apart from them, you had only run into Jimin once in the elevator when he’d winked knowingly at you before leaving you alone with Taehyung. Besides them, you hadn’t met any of the other members before the weekend had come to an end, so it was pleasantly surprising that the other two maknaes volunteered to bring you food on the terrace, especially when Jungkook walked over and hugged you just like Namjoon had, albeit a little less confidently.

As the night went on, however, it became less surprising. It was clear that they were both here out of sheer curiosity, and while the older members might have had the sense to give you both your privacy, these two had no such boundaries thus far at least. You found you didn’t mind too much, though; you weren’t the best at meeting tons of new people at once, so it was better that it happened one by one.

It was somewhat sweet how Jimin kept pushing more and more food in Taehyung’s direction as he spoke to you, the Korean accent slightly less pronounced in his words, while Jungkook seemed to have actively missed him for the last hour, talking to him in rapid Korean as though updating him on everything he’d missed the last couple of hours. They kept switching between English and Korean, and it was nice to see Taehyung so comfortable and happy that you couldn’t even find it in yourself to be annoyed that they’d interrupted your precious few hours with him.

Sometime later, when you were just reaching over to dip a french fry in ketchup, he nudged you gently. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry about this,” he said softly, sounding a bit nervous. You frowned and looked over at Jimin and Jungkook who were laughing and talking with each other.

“Oh, don’t be,” you said immediately, meaning it. “I like hanging out with them. Jimin’s my favourite, you know?” you added, winking.

“Oh, ha ha,” he said dryly. “But, no. I meant, I’m sorry for tonight.” You didn’t get it and he seemed to understand that, for he rubbed the back of his neck a bit self-consciously and shrugged. “I just… I always pictured the next time we met that I’d take you out on a real date. Not… stuck up here on a terrace hiding from fans and eating fast food.”

There was something happening in your chest and it was a few seconds before you realised it was your heart racing. You popped the fry in your mouth just to keep yourself from smiling too widely and shook your head. “That’s okay. And if it makes you feel any better, I would think we’re hiding from the paparazzi more than the fans - which I don’t mind at all. But, just out of curiosity,” you added, leaning back against the wall and looking up at him, “where would you have taken me?”

Taehyung pretended to think, leaning back against the wall as well, before listing down a bunch of ideas that included a go-kart track, a dark room in Seoul, a B&B in Connecticut, an art gallery in Sevilla, and a museum of penises in Belgium. It took you a moment to process all of it, but you had fun discussing how you thought those dates would go before you reminded him that he did take you on a date, the day after you first met.

“Oh, yeah, the dogs,” he remembered, smiling. “That was a really good day.”

“It was,” you agreed, nodding. “You even took some great pictures that day - there’s this one I put up on my Instagram a couple months ago… hold on, I’ll show you -”

“This one?”

You looked up to see him holding up his phone, a picture of you lying down on the grass, black hair wavy and spread out, laughing up at him while you cuddled a labrador. “Yeah,” you said slowly, surprised at how quickly he found it. You remembered what Namjoon said about a picture of you being his lockscreen and you wondered momentarily if it was this one.

“Yeah, I saw it. I liked the soundtrack to it, too,” he added cheekily, and you knew he was referring to Winter Bear being the song you chose.

You felt your cheeks heat up, thankful that your skin didn’t quite let you blush. “You saw it?” you asked warmly. You remembered putting it up; it had been just before his birthday and you’d been missing him a fair bit, but your dynamic by then had started dwindling down to the point where you couldn’t simply text him out of the blue. You’d been flipping through the handful of pictures you’d taken during your brief dalliance in Suzuka and when this one had come up, you’d felt an overwhelming sense of affection and sorrow, enough to publicly lament what could have been had things been different, if he wasn’t a world famous musician who was scrutinised by the public and you weren’t a world famous athlete who travelled to twenty countries for nine months out of the year.

“M-hm. I, uh…” He bit his lip, his cheeks darkening slightly, “I created a fake Instagram account. So that I could… follow you.” His eyes locked with yours and you wondered what he wanted to say before he settled on follow.

You bit your lip too, and chose not to reveal that Namjoon had already told you this. “Really? What’s it called? I’ll follow you back,” you told him, taking out your phone and clicking on the Instagram icon.

“From your public account? Sure that’s a good idea?”

“I have a Finsta, too, Tae.” You ended up following him from both accounts, especially since you used your Finsta fairly rarely, shared only with your closest friends. You both went through his account after that and he showed you the posts he’d put up, mostly artsy shots of rain and streets and his studio. You stopped when you spotted one familiar looking picture, though.

“Is that…” You zoomed in and frowned, leaning across his lap a bit. “Is that me?” The picture in question was of a shadowy figure on a bed, long wavy hair spilling over the pillow and sheets, turned away from the camera and facing the large wall-length window, back bare before it was cut off by a white blanket. The person - who you presumed was you - was right at the bottom of the picture, a dark shadow and taking up barely a quarter of the frame. The focus of the picture seemed to be the rising sun outside the window, glowing red and making the sky ripple. In fact, for a person scrolling through, they may not have even noticed there was a person in the picture at all.

Taehyung nodded, unabashed. “Yeah. Remember the morning I took off before you - before you woke up?”

You nodded, recalling how uneasy you’d felt when you’d thought he was done with you once you’d had sex the previous night. He’d disappeared when you’d awoken and made zero contact with you for the rest of the day, even when, as part of Honda’s sponsorship deal, BTS were in the Red Bull garage a good portion of the time. It had taken your car crashing into a wall for him to acknowledge you at all, and a moment of rehearsed closeness with Daniel Ricciardo, a handsome fellow driver, for him to truly reclaim your attention.

“Oh… yeah.”

“Yeah, well. This is what I saw when I woke up,” he said, pointing at the picture. “And it looked…” He trailed off, a slightly faraway look on his face, frowning as he tried to think of the word. “... like something someone would write a song about,” he said finally, looking back down at you.

Your response was on the tip of your tongue, but you were afraid it might ruin the mood… even though you wanted to know. “Then why did you leave?” you asked softly, failing to keep the hurt out of your voice anyway.

He chuckled quietly. “Because not everything is powerful enough to make me want to write about it,” he answered, dropping his gaze back to the picture. “But you were. And that worried me.”

You didn’t have to ask why. It had worried you, too, feeling the way you did, how strongly you did for a man yo barely knew. “So you sneaked out,” you stated in what you hoped was an understanding tone, “because it scared you.”

“It confused me,” he corrected. He raised his eyes to look back up at you, his gaze more intense than ever. “Until it didn’t.”

Once again, you didn’t have to ask what he was talking about, because you remembered. You remembered what had happened later that evening, what he’d confessed, what you’d confessed, how it had been the last time you’d both seen each other until tonight. It was also the last time you’d both ever said it to each other, and now you wondered, looking at Taehyung, if he still felt that way.

His ring felt cool against your ribs, tucked inside your top. It wasn’t something you’d thought about tonight at all, choosing instead to live in the moment. But you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been holding a candle for him this whole time, unable to forget him, unable to move on. You thought about the fake account he’d created, how he’d been keeping up with your career and your life. It suddenly occurred to you that he might know about Alex. But before you could say anything, Taehyung leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, only for a moment before Jimin cried out in annoyance again, exclaiming in Korean.

You pulled apart again, this time a bit embarrassed; in all honesty, you’d forgotten you weren’t alone. Taehyung chucked a fry at Jimin, who looked positively cherubic as he whined. “It’s not our fault you came up here,” said Taehyung shortly, in English.

“We came because we haven’t met Dilara in a long time,” said Jungkook reasonably, making your heart skip a beat at the sound of your name, “not so you could make out with your girlfriend where anyone could see you.”

Normally, you presumed you and Taehyung would both share a moment at the allusion to the new kink you’d discovered about each other, but there was something else that Jungkook said that made you freeze, suddenly unable to meet Taehyung’s gaze. You felt him stiffen next to you and you knew he’d caught it, too.

It was easy to forget sometimes that you and Taehyung barely knew each other - because it felt like you’d known each other forever. The intensity of your feelings was so strong since the first time you’d laid eyes on each other, getting only more so the next couple of days until you left Japan, that you both focused on nothing else until you were separated and finally forced to realise how undefined you were.

You knew you weren’t his girlfriend. You weren’t even sure you wanted to be; you simply didn’t know enough about each other to make that assessment. But all of a sudden, the thought of anyone else being called his girlfriend made you want to throw up.

You still couldn't meet Taehyung’s gaze and you could tell by the way he’d gone suspiciously quiet that he was just as awkward about this as you were. Fortunately, it seemed as though Jimin could read his mind, for he immediately scrambled up and dusted himself off. “There’s a pool table here,” he announced, fooling no one. “Anyone want to play?”

You didn't remember answering, but you found yourself getting pulled up by the hand anyway. Or maybe you stood up yourself; it was too hard to tell in the face of Jimin’s sparkling smile and angelic voice. Taehyung presumably stood up behind you and you all shuffled out of the terrace and into an adjoining room you hadn’t noticed before, where you and Jimin played against Taehyung and Jungkook.

You were glad for Jimin being here because the awkward tension disappeared instantly. You and Jimin were decent at pool, while Taehyung was terrible and Jungkook being Jungkook was amazing without ever having played before apparently, making the teams evenly divided. You were barely paying attention to the game, though; you were pleasantly surprised at how Jimin and Jungkook were deliberately making an effort to make you feel comfortable.

Jungkook sang dramatically every time it was his turn to shoot, while Taehyung, adorably frustrated at how bad he was, started sneakily knocking balls around and distracting everyone else. Jimin, bored after a few good shots, resumed the conversation you’d both been having outside about your friends and the work they did (choreographers). It was surprisingly easy to talk to him, enough that it was a while before you realised that you were both neglecting the game in favour of talking to each other, leaning against your cues and laughing every time you were pulled out of your conversation by either Taehyung or Jungkook who prodded you to play your turn.

It wasn’t until you caught sight of Taehyung’s face halfway through and spotted him turning away in what you could only identify as annoyance, that you wondered if he was annoyed at how you were monopolising his friend. In all honesty, you hadn’t even realised you were, but you supposed if how he was walking by both of you but deliberately ignoring you was any indication, he was definitely annoyed.

But it wasn’t even until he walked by both of you again, this time blatantly knocking the cue ball into another one so they both tumbled into the corner pocket, that you realised where you’d seen this particular expression of his. A million years ago, back in Suzuka, the day he’d been frustratingly keeping his distance from you, you’d brought out the big guns to test if he was truly over you. You’d roped in Daniel Ricciardo, a sexy, fun-loving, Australian beach boy who drove like a shark, making sure to pay him your full attention and laugh at all his jokes, until Daniel had finally called you princess, and Taehyung had snapped.

Danny hadn’t even meant anything by it; it was a media nickname given to you that most of the drivers used as a joke, but something in the way he’d said it at the evening buffet, with Taehyung standing less than five feet away from you, had hit a nerve. Taehyung had slammed his coffee cup on its saucer before stalking out of the lounge, the sound not dissimilar to that of the cue balls he’d just knocked over.

Jealousy becomes you, baby, you’d whispered into his ear not long after that incident, once he’d cornered you in your dressing room. You doubted he’d even heard you; he’d fingered you while making sure you kept eye contact with him the whole time, satisfied only when he watched you come undone because of him.

He’d told you he loved you less than an hour after.

Now, you turned around to see Taehyung sighing loudly before something suddenly seemed to fall in place for Jungkook, who immediately started to leave.

“No, no, we should go,” he said hurriedly to Jimin, who looked thoroughly confused at this abrupt plan. He looked over at you for support but you could only shrug, biting your lip and trying to suppress a smile, pretending not to notice how you felt Taehyung come up to stand behind you, towering over your smaller frame. As Jimin continued to protest, Taehyung walked over and held the door open, watching Jungkook pull him away as they disappeared, before shutting it and slowly turning around to face her.

There was about ten feet of emptiness between you where he was at the door and you were standing with your back against the table, suddenly realising just how tall he was. He stood there, unmoving, hands in his pockets, narrowed eyes boring into you. You returned his gaze with defiance, softly biting your lip in both anticipation and teasing.

“That was fun,” he said finally, his face conveying the exact opposite.

“Was it?” You shrugged. “I mean… sure, he’s cute,” you allowed, carefully observing him for any movement. “But not my type.”

God, he was so hot. The corners of his mouth widened, but it wasn’t a smile. He took his hands out of his pockets, flexing one of them as he did, and placed them on his hips. “What’s your type?” he asked, as though inquiring about the weather.

“Um…” You noticed all of a sudden that he was closer to you now than he was a few moments ago. “Tall,” you said vaguely, waiting for Taehyung to nod shortly in approval. “Smart. Well-built,” you added, enjoying how he twisted his neck slightly, “... artistic. Kind of moody,” you added further, tilting your head up slightly so you could look him in the eye. He was standing right in front of you now, your chests barely an inch apart.

He didn’t touch you, though. Up close, the black hair, black eyebrows, black clothing played havoc with your heart as he gazed down at you, smooth face betraying nothing. Against your skirt, you felt something move. “Anything else?”

You nodded, ready to play your last card. “I like my men kind of jealous, too, sometimes,” you told him, biting your lip and silently begging him to prove you right. Truth be told, you weren’t big on jealousy. But you had a feeling he knew that, too. Still holding your gaze, he tugged lightly at your skirt before running a hand up the inside of your thigh, stopping just before your soaked underwear. You’ll probably have to throw this pair away, you thought, as his lips curled back slightly over his lips.

Then, all of a sudden, his hand dropped back to his side. You frowned, your breath still caught in your chest, when he tilted his chin up slightly. “Take it off,” he commanded, voice calm and deep.

A shiver went down your spine and you resisted the urge to say yes, sir; somehow, you didn’t feel like it was the right way to address him. His eyes were darker than ever as he gazed down at you, waiting for you to obey. So, you did. Trying to keep your fingers steady, you reached up your skirt and shimmied out of the black bikini-cut you’d put on this morning, hoping for the best.

Taehyung’s eyes followed it as it fell around your feet before looking back up at you. He took a step forward and placed both hands on either side of you on the table, effectively trapping you. “Hop on.”

Everything he was saying sounded like the exact opposite of what it implied. His voice, already world famous for being deep and sexy, was irresistible when he was using it to tell you what to do… especially when you knew you’d do it. You nodded silently and hitched yourself up, legs dangling a foot above the ground. Taehyung ran his hands slowly up your thighs, disappearing under your skirt, holding your gaze the entire time. He didn’t stop until he reached your hips and squeezed them slightly.

Then, without breaking eye contact, he slowly got down on one knee, and then both, and your toes curled inside your shoes at the thought of what was coming. He smirked slightly, clearly knowing where your mind was at, before pushing your skirt up and raising an eyebrow. You shut your eyes involuntarily, knowing for certain that you were about to make a whole mess on the pool table.

“You’re so wet, baby,” he observed in that same calm, deep voice, sounding almost surprised. “Did Jimin get you this wet?”

Ah. You’d almost forgotten what started this whole charade. At the end of the day, your strong, dominant Kim Taehyung was still jealous. You didn’t know how much to push this, but you reasoned that there was no time like the present to find out. You shook your hair back and looked down at him. “Maybe a bit?”

Taehyung’s reaction was exactly what you’d hoped for. His jaw visibly clenched and he pulled you forward with a jerk so it was just the edge of your hips keeping you on the table. You gasped at the sudden movement and he nodded in approval and, wordlessly, leaned forward and swiped his tongue up your folds.

“Oh, fuck!” You didn’t see it coming and you had to grip the edge of the table to keep yourself steady. Apparently, once Taehyung was unleashed, he was a monster, for his hands didn’t loosen their grip on your thighs even for a moment, remaining almost painfully tight, enough that you were sure you’d have bruises in the morning; the thought aroused you even more. His mouth was relentless; he was eating you out, sucking on your clit and running his tongue across your slit like it was butter.

Your hand found its way to his hair and you clutched at it and pulled, making him grunt. You could feel the vibration in your core and you whimpered - and you felt him smile. Or it was a smirk, but you were so close that you couldn’t tell. “Tae,” you gasped, “Tae, I’m close…”

He shook his head. “Yeah? Jimin’s making you come?” He spread your legs wider with a jerk and you whined, pulling at his hair again.

“No, no…” You gave up now - you just wanted to come. “It’s just you - only you…”

“Sure about that?”

You nodded vigorously, barely able to find the words. You felt his tongue lick your clit again and you sighed when, all of a sudden, he pulled away and stood up, running a hand through his hair and wiping his mouth. “Not so easy,” he growled softly, coming to stand between your legs and crashing his lips onto yours. You could taste yourself on his tongue; you responded with urgency, pulling at his t-shirt to bring him closer while he ran his hands up your sides and squeezed your breasts, making you moan into his mouth.

His lips at your neck, he slipped one hand around your waist and smoothly brought you down. “Turn around,” he rasped into your ear.

“Uh-huh.” You obeyed just as you saw him reaching into his pocket and finding them empty; you were leaning on your hands, your legs trembling from the orgasm you were so close to when you realised what you were looking for.

“My bag,” you said breathlessly, pointing to the small backpack peeking out from behind the table. “I have a… there’s a condom.” You both hadn’t gotten to it during the frantic stairwell sex but since you were on the pill, you didn’t quite mind in hindsight.

If Taehyung found it presumptuous, he said nothing about it. You felt him move away and reappear a few moments later. “Good girl,” he murmured, voice like velvet as you heard the condom wrapper tear. A few seconds later, you felt his wrapped tip touch your entrance and you groaned, your hands curling into fists, but you didn’t say a word, not wanting him to deny you another chance to finish.

Taehyung placed his hands on your waist and bit your earlobe before whispering, his hot breath on your ear. “Do you want me to stop, baby?”

You almost came right there, but you made yourself respond in the negative because you knew what he was really asking, in true Taehyung fashion, just like he had in Japan. “Please… please fuck me already, Tae,” you added in a whine, backing into him slightly.

The next thing you knew, you felt his hands on your hips and he entered you slowly, both of you groaning in unison. You couldn’t believe it; you’d almost forgotten to savour what he felt like, how he stretched you out, how his hands made your skin feel like it was on fire at the slightest touch. He established a rhythm quickly; you knew you couldn’t hold out much longer.

Taehyung was pounding into you, each thrust getting you closer and closer to the edge. “Fuck, you feel so good, baby,” he muttered, hands clutching your hips tightly. “You’re so - fucking - wet…”

“Tae, I’m gonna come,” you gasped once more, your arms buckling. “I’m gonna…”

“Come for me, baby,” he murmured, “just for me… come on…”

At his approval, you felt yourself ride your third orgasm of the night. He was still going as waves of pleasure hit you one by one, until you finally came down from it, your neck feeling cool and damp while his rhythm got even faster. He was murmuring in Korean again, before switching back to English.

“Dilara, I’m going to -” He grunted with one last thrust, leaning over you and letting go of your hips, placing his hands next to yours on the table. Panting, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder before resting his forehead on it, slowly coming down from his high.

You felt spent - in a good way. Taehyung pulled out slowly and you winced slightly at the sensation. A few seconds later, you felt his arms go around your waist and gently pull you into his chest as he kissed you on the cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked in Korean, voice a soft, deep murmur against your skin. Your Korean was less than basic, but this you understood. You were too exhausted to say anything, though, so you simply nodded, turning your head slightly to capture his lips in yours.

You turned around in his arms, reaching up on the tips of your toes, and kissed him with renewed passion. You pulled away when you realised you weren’t wearing any underwear.

“Um, can you -” You pointed to where the black scrap of cloth had been kicked a few feet away. Taehyung immediately brought it back, a slightly sheepish yet proud look on his face as he handed it to you and you slipped it back on. “So,” you began, once you’d hopped onto the table, pulling him closer by the hand to stand in between your legs, “the famous V of BTS gets jealous?”

He didn’t look embarrassed; instead, he tossed his hair out of his eyes and rested his hands casually on your hips. “Not really,” was all he said, silently daring you to disagree. You raised an eyebrow but when you couldn’t help but smile at what a liar he was, he smiled too and dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry if I went a bit…” He scrunched up his face and you realised he was searching for the word. “... overboard,” he said finally before pausing. “Actually, no, I’m not.”

You laughed, shoving him by the shoulder. “It was amazing,” you told him honestly before kissing him. He kissed you back, wrapping his arms around your waist and stepping closer to you. His lips felt so warm, so familiar, so perfectly made for yours that the words came out without meaning to. “I love you,” you whispered against his lips, feeling him freeze the moment you said it.

Fuck. You pulled away slowly, dropping your hand from his face onto your lap, unable to believe what you’d just uttered. It was crazy to think he’d still feel the same way… except you had a feeling he did, but you couldn’t be sure. The longer he stayed silent, the more you were convinced you were wrong and the humiliation only got worse. You cupped the back of your neck with both your hands, still not meeting his eyes, and you were just about to hop off the table when his hand came up to your chest.

You stiffened automatically before you saw what he was reaching for. Somewhere during the glorious fucking over the table, the chain around your neck had slipped out of your top. Eight months ago, after a perfect forty-eight hours when you’d both finally arrived at the topic you’d been avoiding, you and Taehyung had more or less made your peace with never meeting again - until you’d been checking out of the hotel after your race and the concierge had slipped you a small brown envelope with a plain silver band inside it, the same one Taehyung had been wearing on his index finger the entire time. Now, he looped the same finger around the ring and tugged gently. “You’re still wearing this?”

You didn’t answer and you knew he wasn’t expecting one either. You felt your heart sink slowly, mentally kicking yourself for your inadvertent declaration of love and wearing a token of it, while he hadn’t even responded yet. At the time, you were sure that the ring meant he didn’t want that weekend to be the end. Now, for the first time since, you wondered if you were wrong. Taehyung brushed his thumb against your jaw and you finally dared to look up at him, trying hard not to look too hurt or hopeful.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked after a few moments, sounding hesitant. Not trusting yourself to speak, you simply nodded. He continued looking at you contemplatively before finally dropping his gaze to rest somewhere between your chin and your neck. “What happened with you and Alex Turner?”

Your heart stopped. It wasn’t that you were afraid of answering; it was just so far off from what you’d expected him to respond with that it took you a moment to gather your thoughts. Taehyung’s eyes snapped up to meet your eyes again and you could see your doubts suddenly reflecting in his, starting to assume the worst, worry clouding his dark eyes even as his face remained smooth and impassive as ever.

Finally, you exhaled deeply, knowing this had to come up eventually. “We dated,” you said simply. “For a few weeks. Nothing more.”

“When you say ‘dated’...”

You bit your lip, not sure what kind of detail he wanted you to go into. “Um… we met in Monaco during the race weekend... and then again in London. Since he lives there, too,” you added, hoping that answered his question. Your heart lurched at the look on his face, the silent hurt along with the forced resignation. “I broke up with him, though,” you whispered after a moment.

He nodded, not meeting your eyes. “I wondered why you’d stopped responding,” he said quietly. “Guess I know now.”

Ouch. Your shoulders dropped. “Tae…”

He swallowed as he continued to finger the ring. Finally, he closed his fist around the ring and sighed. “Did you love him?”

“No.” The answer was easy and immediate. You didn’t love Alex Turner; you didn’t think you ever could have, not so long as Taehyung still hovered within the boundaries of your life, a door unclosed. “The last guy I loved is standing right in front of me,” you admitted, feeling a bit bolder, just wanting him to look at you.

The corner of his mouth tilted up slightly but he still didn’t say anything. “I never forgot about you,” he murmured after a moment, slowly looking up at you, eyes bigger and more earnest than you’d ever seen them.

“Me neither.” You reached up to cover his hand with yours. “Not for a second.”

After what looked like a moment of decision, Taehyung lowered his head and kissed you again, a little tentatively. When you opened your mouth to let him in, leaning in and holding his face to yours, telling him everything you were too afraid to, he sighed.

“Is it bad that I want to kill him?” he murmured against your lips.

You giggled, partly in endearment and partly in relief, and shook your head, going back to kissing him. “Not at all.”

“I’ve loved you every day since Japan, Dilara,” he confessed, moving his lips to your jaw and up to your ear. You felt your face heat up again and didn’t respond, suddenly euphoric. You had sex again, equally passionate but far more gentle, with you lying back on the pool table and Taehyung’s comfortable weight on you, his movements soft and loving. He whispered after a few minutes that neither of you had another condom. You bit your lip, telling him you got tested after Alex, before he confessed that he hadn’t been with anyone after you. Your love for him filled your whole heart and you kissed him and, despite your better judgement, asked him to finish inside you.

You went back outside after that. It was nearing four a.m.; when you settled down against the low wall, with you situated between his legs and resting back against his chest, you finally started to feel tired. Taehyung’s arms were around you, loose but secure, his embrace warm and comforting. You leaned your head back against his shoulder, keeping the comfortable silence going, and turned slightly to breathe in his scent again.

It was barely a few minutes later when you realised he’d fallen asleep. You suddenly remembered that he’d finished a concert tonight, but you couldn’t find it in herself to feel guilty. Careful not to wake him up, you pulled his arms tighter around yourself and leaned back, trying to imprint this moment in your brain as deeply as you could, not knowing if or when you would ever get this again.

You awoke at dawn, the first rays of sun appearing over the horizon. Your phone buzzed just then: a reminder for your flight. You swore, realising you had about ten minutes to leave for your hotel or you would miss your flight. Los Angeles traffic this early shouldn’t be much, but you couldn’t risk it. You started shrugging Taehyung’s arms off and getting to your feet when you felt him stir and tighten his arms around you, groaning into your neck.

“Baby, stop,” he whined in Korean, shifting slightly and crossing his legs around you. Despite the fact that you knew you had to leave, you couldn’t help but beam, your heart soaring at a sleepy, irate Taehyung cuddling you at the break of dawn. You allowed yourself, for one self-indulgent moment, to imagine this moment if you were a couple; a normal couple, dating like normal people, waking up lying on a bed instead of sitting upright on a terrace, half-naked in pajamas instead of concert clothing and make-up, cuddling and snogging until you had to get up instead of cruelly being forced apart yet again with no knowledge of the next time.

It made you smile, but it also made your heart hurt. You sank into his chest for a moment, taking in as much of Taehyung as you could, before turning your head and kissing his cheek. “Tae,” you murmured, nudging him. “Wake up, babe.”

Eyes still closed, he shook his head and buried his face deeper into your neck, twisting your bodies until you both stumbled and fell sideways onto the ground. Taehyung groaned and sat up, squinting in the light as he attempted to flatten his hair, while you got to your feet, dusting yourself off and offering him a hand. Frowning up at you, he said something in Korean.

Biting your lip, you eventually gave up. “My Korean isn’t nearly good enough to understand that,” you reminded him, helping him up. “But I’m learning.”

“You are?”

“Well, I mean, kind of. I don’t know,” you said vaguely, now checking your bag for all your belongings and looking around in case you’d dropped anything. “You know my friend Chris, right? He got sick of me asking him for translations so he’s determined to make sure I learn the language now.” You looked up to see him looking more confused than ever.

“Who’s Chris?”

You gave him a look. “You met him. In Suzuka.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened. “He didn’t work for Red Bull, right?” When you shook your head, his eyes widened. “He’s Korean?”

“Yes. His name is Chris Park. Actually,” you added, “his name is Park Chanyeol.”

“Why didn’t he speak to us in Korean?”

You frowned. “I don’t think he spoke to you at all. You were ignoring me that day, remember?”

Taehyung gave you an unimpressed look, marred by the smile creeping onto his face. “I’m sorry about that,” he said softly, sounding sincere as he came closer to you. When you lightly knocked him on the chest, looking up at him with as much fondness as you could, he swallowed, the smile on his face fading into resignation. “Dilara…”

Your stomach did a backflip at the sound of your name, once again sounding like a song he didn’t want to stop singing. He swallowed again and opened his mouth, but closed it before shaking his head and opening his arms.

You walked into them without hesitation, reaching up and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, feeling him hold you to him tightly. You stayed there for a few moments and, right on cue, you could feel your eyes start to sting with tears. It was so unfair; you wanted to stomp your foot and punch something. You could feel Taehyung press his lips to your shoulder, your neck, the side of your head in quick succession, the situation clearly hitting him now as well.

“I love you,” he mumbled into your hair, deep voice trembling. “Let’s not wait another eight months to do this again, please?”

You nodded, chuckling. “I agree.” You pulled away to wrap your arms around his torso, hiding your face in his shoulder. “I’ll miss you, Kim Taehyung.” He kissed the top of your head before you finally separated. You knew you were crying now, tears actively escaping your eyes as you wiped them. You could tell that Taehyung was just about holding it together, trying to be strong for both of you but he was crying, too. You stepped back and put on your bag, when something fell out of it.

You picked it up before he could, straightening the long black and white bandana in your hands. “I’m keeping this,” you informed him.

He gave you a small smile and nodded indulgently. “It’s yours.”

It was too hard after that - plus, you were getting late. You reached up and kissed him, a quick kiss, lasting less than ten seconds before you turned and bolted, knowing there wasn’t much else to say. You reached your hotel, crying the whole way to the airport, and knocked yourself out with an aspirin on the flight, hoping to catch up on sleep the entire way to London. Just before you took off, you saw a message on your phone.

Next time, I’m taking you out on a real date. I love you. Fly safe.

~

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[kurosukii]

LIFE UPDATE that really isn’t necessary but because i am an attention seeker, i have to inform everyone and also, i love oversharing !

hellaur everyone. so i disappeared for like three months because i honestly wasn’t feeling it anymore (a longer way of saying i got burnt out and didn’t want to admit it) and really, ghosting is in my blood LOL anyway so yeah that’s really why i disappeared, nothing major happened in my life, just my country 😵‍💫 ………… anyway done with the boring stuff !

i am unfortunately still a virgin 🫠

however i did get to have my first kiss at a club last june 🫣 i was kinda drunk and it was with a girl. to be honest, it did nothing for me. i really am only a wh*re for c*ck. what i did notice was that lips are really soft and kissing is kinda slimey (well we were both under the influence so it wasn’t properly executed 😵‍💫) and i almost kissed a 3/10 guy so i’m glad i was able to pull myself out of that one 🥴

right after this girl’s night out, i got sick for like a week (it wasn’t covid, i think it was laryngitis) you know why i got sick? because while i was Drunk Drunk, my stupid horny dumbass was trying to deepthroat the water bottles 💀 + i was screaming my ass out in the club so that really did a number on my throat 💀

aaaaand i also got a tattoo and my parents have no idea about it LOL (it’s a small red tattoo under my left boobie) and sometimes i forget that i have it so when i raise my shirt and my mom is within the area, i get 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 so yeah i feel 10x hotter with it 🥵

and yeaaaa that’s about it with my sad uneventful life🫣

now i’ll be addressing the future of this blog .

will you still be putting out content?

yerrrrrr i really wanna finish all my ideas but i’m not sure when maybe when i’m like 25 LOL anyway W H E N (claiming it) i do get back to writing, i’ll be doing that long overdue dilf bokuto and mafia suna 🥹

speaking of haikyuu, will you still write for them even when the series ends? (when you get out of your burn out)

don’t talk to me about haikyuu ending.

tbh…………yeah. duh. i am haikyuu’s bitch. but seriously speaking i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving haikyuu 🥺 they’re so special to me that i can’t really explain it in words (the pixel dick has a noose around my neck i think) 🥺 but yeah even when i haven’t been on here interacting, i’ve been lurking and consuming content LMAO AKKSNCKDM but mostly on ao3 but y’all know what’s currently going on with ao3 right 💀

will you write for other series?

i consume so much jjk content but tbh i’m scared that i might not put justice to it HHHH tho the scenarios in my head are juicy 🥵 however i think the third bullet on the writing agenda after dilf bokuto and mafia suna is giving gojo satoru the best head of his life that when you’re done sucking the limitless out of his pretty cock and swollen balls, his lanky ass will be shaking and panting like a little bitch 😌 (i’m not in it for bnha and kny but i do consume content 🫣)

honestly that’s all i can think of rn JDKCNDKD if u wanna ask more shit i’ll finally be turning my asks on (tbh turning them off is the best decision ever because i’ll feel even worse deleting asks that have been there for so long)

[femsolid]

Hi I'm 20 I've been interested in radical feminism for a few months now, and I am growing to be more and more gnc.( I have a blog here but i don't post anything because of my extreme social anxiety which I'm actually fighting against(reblogging stuff took a few months, and as u can guess this ask too).) I used to be very feminine, so it was kind of shock to my family. Shaving my head, not shaving my legs or my armpits or my private parts etc. My mom kinda lost it when I came back with a buzzcut, saying it was very ugly and I looked ridiculous etc. My dad just laughed and rolled his eyes, saying I will never do it again (implicit order). My dad is a muslim that was born in an Arabic country, so even though he is kinda more progressive than the rest of his family, it's not by much. A few weeks ago I cut my hair again in a very masculine fashion and I was wearing shorts so he got "angry" (not really but like amused-annoyed) and asked if I wanted "une greffe de pénis " (don't know how u say that in English. Anyway if I wanted a dick lol). My sisters are both very feminine and while one is very understanding, agreeing with me on a lot of things, she has serious body image issues so she is not about to change her mind about that. She just says I can do whatever I like and fuck everyone who criticizes me. The other is very liberal feminist and says that I don't have to show my ideas on my body, meaning if I'm uncomftable showing my body hair I should just shave it off and that it doesn't mean anything about my feminism etc. She kinda doesn't see the connection between words and actions lol.

Anyway now I'm on vacation with my mom who wishes I was more feminine but kinda respects my choice, and everyone looks at me funny because I am the only gnc woman around, especially young. All young women wear eyelashes extensions, lip fillers and very feminine outfits and my social anxiety is getting WILD.

Do u have any advice how to deal with all this? Tbh I just need a pep talk, or just be reassured that what I do isn't stupid. I genuinely feel more comfortable in comfy clothes, which sucks because all of them are masculine. I don't particularly aim for masculinity, and really I realize that I'm looking for excuses because what if I were? Would it be so awful? Everyone acts as if I'm throwing my best years away being ugly and hairy while I could be beautiful like my sisters. I'm bi but I choose not to date men, but I still feel the pressure to be attractive to them all the time and it's hard to fight against everyone telling me I'm wrong and that my ideas are ridiculous and stupid. Anyway sorry for the veryyyyyy long ask, hope ur not overwhelmed. U don't have to answer, I guess I just needed to vent. Would be cool if u did tho lol

Bonjour !

First of all, they turn the situation on its head, pretending that you are the one who is actively trying to be something else, when you're just existing as you were born to be and they are the ones who demand that you turn into something artificial.

And there's another thing that gets completely twisted. You are not masculine. How can a woman, who expressly looks exactly as a woman looks naturally, be masculine? And how can a woman, who expressly tries to look unlike a woman by altering her appearance, be more feminine? In fact, I would argue that a woman who tries to look like a man-made version of womanhood is closer to masculinity, by definition.

And why is simply existing as yourself the ridiculous notion, but trying to look as childlike and unlike yourself as possible the reasonable one? Personally, when I look at feminine women, especially the ultra feminine ones you described, it really doesn't make me want to go back to that. It really comforts me in my choice. I think about how much time and money and energy they've spent on all this, how much they are self monitoring instead of enjoying the moment, it pains me really. After all, I know exactly how it feels like. I hope that when they look at me they realize that there is another way to live as a woman. Even if they think I'm disgusting, they still learned that an alternative exists, and that's a good thing. Maybe the next time they get scared of going out without make-up they'll think about that woman at the bakery shop who didn't care one bit.

I've seen quite a lot of gnc women lately by the way. And every time it makes my day. Though you might not be aware of it, you are making the day of a lot of women and girls. You may feel lonely but you are not alone I assure you. Not only are you making your life more comfortable, but you are also helping others by simply being yourself, and that's an uplifting thought I think.

Ultimately though, you're doing this for yourself, not for others. We only have one life, it shouldn't be wasted trying to please people who would stop liking us for... body hair? Not wearing heels? Or tight clothes? That's insane. So, if anything, being gnc makes it easier to distinguish between the people who are worth your time and those who aren't.

Speaking of someone who isn't worth my time, my father always persecuted me because I wasn't "feminine" enough. To the point of violence. But there came a moment when I realized, "he's never going to change", and I had enough. It was at a familly dinner, he had made yet another remark on my haircut, saying that I looked like a "gouine", (since you know french you must know it means "dyke"). He said it like your father did, not in an angry way (this time), more in a playfully abusive way. I never saw him again after that. No sir. Now I'm not telling you to cut off your familly, you'll deal with them however you want, but there's no reason you should be harassed in this way. It's not okay for a parent to try to humiliate their own child. Would you do that to your kid? So you know it's not okay. And so that's gonna have to stop. Hopefully with time they'll get over it. My father never did, so I decided to prioritize my well being.

On that note, feel free to check out my gnc tag it's full of great posts that'll make you feel better I'm sure.

Passe de bonnes et COMFORTABLES vacances ! Don't forget that if anyone gives you shit for the way you look, they are just revealing themselves early on and saving you time.

[olderthannetfic]

There's a couple of Caucasian BNF-lites on here in the BTS fandom who are real microaggression factories. One common thread is refusing to disclose their racial identity (as in, they won't say they are white because they see requests for transparency as aggressive and demanding) even as they discourse at length about how BTS are selling out their Korean identity by recording English singles rather than it being an obvious pandemic strategy/Grammy bid. There was one who acted like being a white non-American Anglophone from the First World was a marginalized, much-appropriated identity. It reminds me of the anon from yesterday who acted like "Westerner" is a slur. The mentality of concern trolling and self-victimizing is the same.

--

Sigh. I don't think anyone should have to disclose if they're just going about their business, but I've run into this type of person in other fandoms, and yeah... (I have no idea who's who in BTS fandom on Tumblr. My exposure is friends' discord and people who come to my inbox.)

You can have cultural competency without being ethnically [whatever], but if you're pontificating about your Authentic Knowledge, people are going to ask you how you know. I have a couple of friends who grew up in Japan who aren't Japanese. I know plenty of people who majored in some other country's literature, including plenty who read my tumblr. It's fine to claim competency when you actually have it. You don't have to be a weird dick about it.

The fact that these people aren't willing to just go "I've lived in Korea for a while teaching English" or "I've been in kpop fandoms for 10 years" or something tells me they know perfectly well they don't have enough cultural competency to back up their claims.

If they're from Europe, they should especially shut the fuck up about BTS singing in English unless they want to look at in terms more like "Gosh, it kind of sucks that to win Eurovision, you pretty much have to sing in English or maybe French. Shouldn't we be encouraging more appreciation for songs you have to look up the lyrics to?"

Which, tbh, is a position I personally do hold. I think it's terrible that market forces so strongly push pop artists towards a lingua franca, and I think it's even worse that it's so frequently English instead of more of a mix of a few different big languages.

(I think some level of this is inevitable. There will always be languages with greater cultural reach and languages that get the short end of the stick. It's just the current extreme level I object to and think could plausibly change. I'd like to see more things like KARD's kpop with a lot of Korean lyrics but pandering choruses in Spanish and moombahton beats.)

But the idea that BTS of all groups are being unfaithful to their artistic inspiration by focusing on English? I think some people need to go listen to Hip Hop Lover again and look up the names therein!

BTS' most recent all-English songs are some of my least favorite of their oeuvre, but the mere fact of them wanting to get good enough at English to do more in it is both an obvious step for their careers and highly authentic to their teenage selves. Hating on them being into English is like hating on some weeb majoring in Japanese, for fuck sake.

They were rap fanboy America-boos!

Fuck, I keep meaning to make a youtube playlist of everybody referenced in Hip Hop Lover. Maybe I should bump that up the to-do list.

[kikishead]

I can't just leave it at this I need to rant a little.

Like this discussion is so black and white, and everyone completely ignores the fact that the others' experiences may be just as valid. This is my personal view on it from my personal experience.

As a European, I get that it is frustrating to constantly be bombarded with American things. Like American movies, songs, books, political discussions, and news. And America has so much power over other countries, including European ones. Our lifes are often centred around America, especially when you're on english speaking social media. And American imperialism is a very real thing. The US is almost the only country that has actual cultural power over Europe.

So europeans, especially those who are not used to another country having cultural power over them, will feel threatened. And that's one reason why europeans hate on Americans so much. Because they treat us the way we treat other countries.

And americans saying "Oh you want to be us so bad, and that's why you're hating" is kinda stupid. Like, no, we just get America shoved down our throats.

But another reason for europeans hating on America is that europeans tend to think that we're better and more humane than everyone else. (I know very ironic considering what we did and still do to the rest of the world) When we hate on America, we can openly show this false belief of superiority without being called out for being racist/xenophobic/just straight up assholes bc "look at America with all of their problems and their whole "America first" spiel ofc you're not a dick for making fun of them". Ofc that does not apply to all europeans but to some.

But to be honest, we're often not any better than Americans. Racism is just as big of an issue in europe as it is in America, the way we treat people trying to find refuge in europe is just as bad as the way America treats Mexican people on their border and we suck at geography just as much with the only exception that we know Europe's and northamericas geography (not even the whole of europe). (I mean, it is a stereotype that Americans can't even point out the continents, and I guess most europeans can do that, but still). Europeans like to complain that Americans treat europe as a playground or that they generalise us, but we do the same thing to Africa and asia. And quite a lot of Americans seem to be ignorant of how much power their country has over other countries and stuff, but I can't really blame them. I mean europeans are often ignorant of how much influence europe has. If Americans only saw the stupid and entitled europeans, they would think that we're fcking idiots too. (And there are a lot of Americans who think that about Europeans, which is fair tbh)

Like I mentioned in the beginning, there is a very strong focus on America in europe. And this is one of the reasons why europeans hate on Americans so much.

However hating on America won't divert that focus back to our own countries. If anything, it will make our focus on America way stronger, and we often ignore the problems in our own countries bc of that. An example of that is when the black lives matter movement became very big in 2020. I saw so many comments of european people who were like, "Oh yeah racism in America is such a big issue, but why are there black lives matter protests here in Germany? Like we're not as racist as racist as them." And there are so many things to criticise about comments like that, but I won't get into that right now. They just show how the focus on American society and politics makes us blind to our own. But also europeans use that. When they support the black lives matter movement in America, they can label themselves as antiracist, without actually doing the same amount of work a white American antiracist has to do bc they don't have to question their own society and culture as long as they focus on racism in America. This is not necessarily something europeans do consciously bc as I mentioned before , we often get introduced to blm and other social justice movements by Americans on social media, so we automatically get a very American perspective on these things. meaning we know how racism is part of the dominant American culture but if we don't do the work to research on the history in our own countries ( or find creators from our own countries who talk about racism in our country) we are ignorant to how racism is part of the culture of our country. But a lot of europeans choose to be ignorant of racism in europe in the same way a lot of white Americans choose to be ignorant of racism in America. But this is just one example.

Like I said before, the focus on American issues leads to (sometimes willful) ignorance towards the issues that are going on in ones own country. But it also leads to people automatically applying American social issues (and their complex cultural details) to their own country. For example, when I look at discussions about feminism in Germany, a lot of times, American statistics are used. Meaning they take a study that was conducted in America with American test subjects and apply it to Germany. There are some studies that were made in Germany (I guess) but they are not well known and not used a lot in discussions about sexism and other social and cultural issues. While the dominant American and dominant German culture have some similarities they are not the same. The same study may have different results in Germany than in America. And we need studies that have been done in Germany to get an idea of problems in Germany. Also there may be some problems in Germany that don't exist in America or that don't exist in the same way in America.

So to summarize: America has power over Europe (American imperialism). Europeans hate on and make fun of Americans bc we constantly get American stuff showed down our throats, we get to feel superior to them without being called out for being racist/xenophobic. Europe is not that much better than America. We're lowkey just pissed bc America treats us the way we treat other countries and continents. The focus on America does not get less from us hating on and making fun of them. The focus on America leads to ignorance regarding social issues in europe.

Some last notes: I probably overanalysed this, but it lowkey got from making fun of one another to straight-up fighting, so maybe it's warranted. We should just start being able to recognise that both Europe and America are shit in a lot of ways and allow ourselves to laugh at jokes about our countries that are not crossing a line (like making fun of mass shootings and stuff like that will never sit right for me). English is obviously my second language, and I have not written a text this long in English since I graduated high school, which was last year, so if this is a complete mess, I am sorry. I tried to organise my thoughts a little bit and tumblr corrected some grammar mistakes and stuff, but idk how well that worked out.

Honestly this whole thing of europeans hating on Americans and Americans hating on Europeans and getting mad about Europeans hating on Americans and then Europeans being pissed that Americans are mad about them hating on America is so weird to me.

[absurdthirst]

Can I rant at you about my life for a sec pls? I’m 20 years old and live in an apartment with my roommate and I’m 5 months pregnant with his baby. Thankfully he’s sticking around to help out and financially we’re doing well and tbh were both pretty excited about the kid even though our family’s gonna be a little out of the ordinary (we have zero interest in dating each we were just messing around for a bit).

I’ve been getting judgement at work for being single, young and pregnant, or because the baby’s biracial (iim white, roomie’s black). My very religious parents are mad at me for not being married and for wanting to keep the baby, and some “friends” have been joking about what my kid’s gonna look like and how his dad’s gonna ditch us when he’s born, and it’s driving me fucking insane. Our son’s gonna have two loving parents and a good home, I’ll never understand why people insist on shoving their noses in our business just because we aren’t a traditional family.

Your friends can suck a dick. Those jokes are not remotely funny. 1) Biracial children are some fo the most beautiful I have ever seen. Gorgeous. 2) Do they know the father? Does he have a track record of dipping on responsibilities? If not, they are playing into a stereotype that's uh....not cool. At all.

Your parents will fall in love with your child after they are born (hopefully 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼)

Nothing has to be traditional in today's society. All that matters is that the two of you create a loving and supportive environment for your child.

However, I would sit down and have a serious conversation about outlining how to handle large changes that could happen that would affect your child's life. Meeting a significant other for example. Getting a great job offer that happened to be halfway across the country. How you will deal with opposing views on how to deal with your child.

As long as the two of you can communicate and come to a fair agreement for both, there is no reason to believe that your situation wouldn't work.