#this could be about anderperry if they had time

[angelicalscented]

in another life you faced and accepted your own feelings for me without feeling guilty and we end up together loving each other with no shame at all

[toddtakefive]

despite the fact that spider-neil is heavily based off of the amazing spider-man (2012) peter parker, neil is infinitely more similar to miles morales from the spider-verse movies

[222anderson]

Super Specific AnderPerry Headcannons (will reblog or edit with more if i come up with them)

- Todd published a book filled with his poetry that did super well, and he got to move into a really nice home and live pretty comfortably because of it.

- Todd went back to school and became an english/poetry professor at a university when he was around 35. That’s what he did until he retired!

- Neil’s glasses that he wears when reading aren’t actually just reading glasses. They’re his real prescription glasses and he only wears them when he reads. (Also i know this is just how Robert’s eyes look but i hc that he also crosses his eyes to see when he doesn’t have his glasses on because i go cross eyed when i don’t have my glasses on and we’re literally the same person)

- Neil did become an actor after Welton. He was a pretty well known theatre actor and did pretty well for himself, but eventually when he wasn’t earning enough money, he got a job as the acting professor at the university Todd works at. He loved every second of that job and worked there until retirement. :) (he still did productions from time to time! He’d have the TA fill in for him while he was gone!)

- They got “married” around their late 20’s! They just bought the rings and only had a small get together at their house with just trusted friends and family, and it’s not official, but they don’t need a document or even a ring anyway. They’re married and they love each other and that’s what really matters. (They still had rings because rings are fun)

I could probably write an entire fanfiction about all my ideas of their life after Welton where they grow old together :) but I’m lazy💔

[beetheyapper]

what i’m about to say about anderperry might be somewhat controversial

people talk a lot about neil and todd and their potential relationship—and don’t get me wrong i love them—and how things may have gone if they’d had more time. we all know this, we’ve all read the cute fanfics and headcanons and giggled and daydreamed about this perfect world of what could have been

but i think these actually tend to ignore the harsh reality known as historical context. it was 1959, they were at a christian, all-boys school, and things would NOT have been easy sailing for their relationship. I mean, I’m pretty sure homosexuality was still considered heresy or something at this point. If they were in a relationship, then it would have been tense, secretive, etc.

and IM GAY and like i know that gay people have obviously always been around, but i just seriously doubt that they’d be wearing each other’s clothes and holding hands in public. their relationship would probably have to be hidden. they likely wouldn’t be shouting it from the rooftops

i hate to say this but i’m not even sure that all of the other poets would be immediately supportive; this was still a time period of raging homophobia

and i adore them and want happiness for them and i understand that some people ignore these facts for the sake of their own sanity and self-preservation, but i think it’s important. if they chose to still be together, it would have been another major “carpe diem” and another way of going against conformity. i feel like ignoring the context is almost a form of mischaracterization. 

but these are of course fictional characters that we’re talking about, and people are allowed to imagine them however they see fit. i just wish there was more fan-made media talking about or including this perspective

[abysangel]

I absolutely ADORE their relationship. The way that Todd is so closed in on himself, and gives himself such a hard time believing that he deserves to be heard, and the way that Neil practically forces him to speak just so he can listen. Todd spent his life believing that nobody wanted to hear what he had to say, therefor he kept all his thoughts and words to himself under the belief that they had no value to anybody around him. But then Neil came, and Neil wanted to hear what Todd had to say, not only did he want to hear what he had to say, but he valued it. Neil was the first person in Todd’s life to really value his opinion and make it feel valuable to him. And there’s so much that i could say about their relationship because of the sheer amount of time that have spent analyzing it, however I don’t have the time for that so all I can do to give one of many reasons why their relationship fascinates me. One big reason that their friendship/kinda romance works is that they both have each-other on this pillar, but it’s not there to make them feel inadequate, it’s just because they hold eachother to this high esteem and really value each-other as people and that’s such a beautiful thing to have. I can completely understand it because I’ve had a relationship that in many ways reminds me of Neil and Todd’s. In my experience it wasn’t homosexual it was hetero, but it was similar in so many aspects. I look back and I really see myself in Todd’s behavior, I was shy, closed off, and terrified of the world and my own voice. I believed that my opinions and what I had to say were worth less than a grain of salt. And that changed when I met a boy who was the exact opposite of me. He was my Neil. He was extroverted, cheery, smart, kind, and overly friendly. Which I was NOT used to in any way and honestly it terrified me at first. And eventually after some pushing on his part we became amazing friends, eventually feelings formed and things happened and fast forward we didn’t see each-other for a year and then reconnected and I was invited to his pool party where I was just as if not even more closed off than I was when we first met. And immediately the first thing he does it get me out of my shell and even now I have no idea how he did it, I hadn’t seen him in over a year and he still knew me better than I knew myself and that still confuses me if I’m being honest. And I really think the reason that happened is because he valued what I had to say when nobody else did, because of the fact he saw and paid attention when others didn’t, he understood me in ways I didn’t know I could be understood and I think that’s exactly how Todd felt. Now I also know what it feels like for said person who changes your perspective on yourself to leave suddenly and leave you mourning and in shock. I was absolutely CRUSHED when I found out the news. But sometimes I still think back and I realize, that Neil and Todd’s relationship really did help me understand mine in some weird and odd way. Anyways I love anderperry, I am Todd Anderson, he is me, DEAD POETS SOCIETY IS LIFE!!!

[the-words-forever-unwritten]

Anderperry- Sweet peas

This is part 1 of a series of posts I'm going to do where I assign each ship a flower!

Part 2 (Mittsie)

I am assigning Anderperry Sweet peas!

Sweet peas represent blissful pleasures along with departures and goodbyes. Which I think is a good representation of their relationship.

They had a short time together where they were really close and happy to have each other's company. Then Neil left and Todd had to say goodbye.

Different colored sweet peas have slightly different meanings, but red ones mean deep love. You could also argue using yellow for them, for friendship.

Along with that, many people believe that the first person to actually call them Sweet Peas was the poets John Keats! Which feels very relevant

I couldn't find specifics what the first time Keats said sweet peas was, but one of his poems that mentions Sweet Peas is "I stood Tip Toe upon A little Hill" and the Staza that mentions sweet peas is

"Here are sweet peas, on tip-toe for a flight:With wings of gentle flush o’er delicate white,And taper fingers catching at all things,To bind them all about with tiny rings."

all of this feels perfectly Anderperry to me

I could also argue that they have connections to blue roses.

Blue roses are unnatural and man-made, so they represent the pursuit for the impossible. Like Neil's dreams seemed impossible and how their relationship is impossible.

Hope you all liked this :) next up will probably be mittsie. Also feel free to suggest ships for me to assign flowers! Even if they are niche

[theshippirate22]

hi welcome to my essay

is this based solely in my insane brainrot? yeah probably. i’m doing it anyway

THE TIME TAYLOR SWIFT CONFIRMED ANDERPERRY LORE

This is Josh Charles

If you don’t know who he is, that’s cool. No one does. If you do know who he is, you’re probably gay, depressed, or both. Probably both.

And this is Josh Charles in 1989, in the critically acclaimed, cult classic film Dead Poets Society

Does he look familiar? Well, if you’re big on pop culture and/or a Swiftie, he should

Because THIS is Josh Charles in 2024

in Taylor Swift’s Fortnight music video

But who’s that standing next to him?

It’s Ethan Hawke

Who ALSO starred in Dead Poets Society (1989)

Kind of weird right? But whatever

UNTIL you remember that Fortnight is the first track off the latest Taylor Swift album

called The Tortured Poets Department

Now, the premise of the music video is that Taylor was in love with Post Malone’s character but only for a fortnight and losing him after loving him is what drove her into madness basically, so she’s been imprisoned in this asylum called The Tortured Poets Department where Josh Charles and Ethan Hawke are doctors that are experimenting on her to help her get over her love for Post Malone. Note that Post Malone is also there and is another one of the doctors.

Canonically in Dead Poets Soceity Josh Charles’ character Knox Overstreet is in sort of this awkward situationship with a girl named Chris Noel, who’s “practically engaged” to this idiot called Chet and it's assumed that after everything goes down at the end of the film, Knox stops pursuing her and Chris marries Chet to live out her horrific 1950's housewife prophecy.

Similarly, Ethan Hawke’s character, Todd Anderson, is in this tragic queer-coded homoerotic friendship with main protagonist Neil Perry (played by the lovely Robert Sean “Bobby” Leonard) that never manages to come to fruition because of Neil’s untimely death via suicide.

So back to Taylor. Obviously she's a patient in The Tortured Poets Department being treated for her hopeless love for Post Malone. She says she even took the "magical move-on drug" but "the effects were temporary," which implies that what Josh and Ethan are testing on her is this drug, this cure-all for lost romance, and they haven't quite figured it out.

Which makes perfect sense, when you think about what happened to Knox and Todd. They had these short-lived perfect loves with Chris and Neil respectively that ended before anything could ever happen. Love cut too short, just like Taylor and Post Malone. Which is wild when you realize that means TS basically just confirmed anderperry.

Not only this, but in the movie, the boys are encouraged to write and enjoy poetry thoroughly, and while all the boys take it to heart, Knox and Todd are the ones that are frequently seen actually writing poetry. Knox uses it to try and win Chris over, as well as working through his feelings for her, while Todd uses it as a guilty pleasure sort of thing that he's seemingly embarrassed by (which I could talk about for 25 pages but I'll spare you.)

So basically, just like Taylor, Knox and Todd are also tortured poets. Which means not only are they the doctors trying to come up for a cure for their own maladies, they're also patients in the Tortured Poets Department

THEY'RE JUST AS CRAZY AS TAYLOR.

If that seems too big a stretch, remember that Post Malone is there. From his bridge we see that he's going through the same thing as Taylor except on the opposite side, and he's also seen in the poetry room with Taylor, confirming that he himself is a poet as well, and in the lab he's also a doctor. So Josh and Ethan are patients just as much as Post Malone is, who's just as much as Taylor.

All four of them are locked in together, trying to get over these lost loves they are mourning.

By deliberately choosing not just Ethan Hawke to cameo, but also Josh Charles, and not say Dylan Kussman or Gale Hansen, or even MAIN STAR Bobby Leonard, it draws a direct parallel between Knox and Todd's characters, and therefore between Chris and Neil, and therefore, Taylor Swift has basically confirmed the ongoing implication that anderperry was the metaphor all along.

[knoxoverstreetluvr]

Holiday Parties and Drunk Boyfriends

- - - -

disclaimer: mentions of anderperry and knarlie

- - - -

“P-lease Neil… let me have summoree…” Todd slurs, leaning into his exasperated boyfriend, Neil.

“Honey, I told you no more of those Shirley Temples. Meeksie always puts too much vodka in them.” Neil hums, pressing a kiss to the drunk boy’s head in his arms.

The annual Holiday party was in full swing in the humble abode of the Poets. The party goers mingling in various Christmas and Hanukkah sweaters.

When the Poets went to college, they insisted on three things. Those three things resided on a ripped up sticky note on the fridge. Scrawled 3 years ago by Gerard Pitts as the lowly freshmen they were, it read:

“The Totally Awesome, Epic Guide to being THE Coolest on college grounds:

- Throw epic holiday parties

- Start a garage band

- get Todd Anderson drunk”

The boys had succeeded on the first one, if they do say so themselves. The second one was scratched out by Charlie, who had the idea, but shut it down whenever he heard the screeching voice of Knox Overstreet try and sing. Yet the third one hadn’t happened for 3 years.. til tonight.

“Charles Dalton get over here.” Neil called, ushering his best friend to detach from his and Knox’s heated make-out session in the corner.

“What is it Perry? Could you not see me and my boyfriend having a lovely time over there.” he asked, wiping off the remnants of Knox’s Aquaphor, and taking a peak at the swaying Todd tucked in Neil’s arm.

“Well Char, what did I tell you about letting our dear friend Steven around the alcohol table?” He asked, wiping the alcohol induced sweat off of Todd’s forehead.

“You said not to but you know how Meeksie gets about his Shirley Temples. I didn’t wanna-“ Charlie starts before Neil cuts him off. “Look at my boyfriend Charlie… he’s so out of it.” Neil pouts, kissing Todd on the head.

“Wait you’re kidding, he’s drunk?!” Charlie asked quite loudly, which caused Steven and Gerard to immediately rush over.

“No way…” Meeks hums, pushing his glasses up and waving his hand in front of Todd’s eyes.

“Meeks why are you acting like this isn’t your doing? My very freshly 21 year old boyfriend consumed your battery acid drinks and now his body is all jelly.” Neil said, whisper yelling at Meeks so that Todd doesn’t try and defend Steven.

“To be fair Neil, Todd usually has that glassy eyed look around you anyway,” Pitts butts in, being quickly shut up by a glare from Neil.

Upon seeing a large huddle of a majority of his friends, Knox, who cannot handle his alcohol in the slightest, bounds over to the group and slings his arm around his boyfriend.

“Hiya boysss,” He slurs, tucking his face into Charlie’s neck and leaving a short kiss there. Not only could Knox not handle his alcohol, but when he drank he got clingy, and fast.

“How many has Loverboy drank?” Pitts snickered, poking Knox in the side as Charlie answered. “One Pittsie.. Knoxious has had one.”

“Only one?” Cameron asked, walking up to his group of friends. The boys all snickering noticing his arm is empty.

“Thought you said you were gonna find a woman… dick…” Charlie said, giggling like a schoolboy after using the newest nickname in his reservoir to describe Cameron. Steven will forever rue the day he told Charlie Dalton that Dick is short for Richard.

“Well Charles I found one but she had, somewhere to be…” he hummed, taking a cup from Meeks, even after the boy’s protests.

“Yeah somewhere to be far away from you. Look over there Richie.” Meeks said, pointing to the girl Cameron had previously been speaking with. She was now latched onto one of Chet Danburry’s football buddies.

The boys all laugh as Richard stomps up the stairs. “Where ya goin Dickie?!” Knox calls, peaking up from his spot in Charlie’s neck just for Charlie to push him right back, a hand clamped over his mouth.

“To bed. And if I wake up in the morning to our house being a mess, I will kill the lot of you.” He yelled back, making his way to his room, and slamming the door.

Todd flinches at the sound, sitting up for the first time in the 15 minutes since the group got there. “Hii guysss,” he slurred, stretching his arms over his head.

“TODDD” Knox calls, also untucking himself from Charlie and slinging his arms around Todd’s neck.

The pair had become very close. Not only due to their boyfriends being childhood best friends, but because they always kept an eye on their boyfriends at parties such as this one. Charlie and Neil were karaoke buddies, usually standing on tables at Frat parties. Tonight, as a gift to the freshly-able-to-drink boyfriend, and the needs-adult-supervision-after-one-shot boyfriend, Charlie and Neil promised to keep their drinking to a minimum to allow Knox and Todd to have fun.

All the boys laugh as Knox and Todd hug, watching as they both start to melt to the ground.

“Woah woah honey… let’s not go to the ground.” Neil mumbles, scooping Todd up under the armpits.

“Yeah loverboy let’s stay up.” Charlie said, helping up the equally jelly legged Knox.

“Well laddies, I think it’s time we wrap up this party so we can clean up the place for our dear Richard.” Steven says, checking his watch to the time being 2:12 am on Christmas day.

“You’re right.” Charlie says, placing his hands over Knox’s sensitive ears and nodding at Neil to do the same for Todd.

“ALRIGHT STUDENTS. IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THIS LOVELY HOME PLEASE SHAKE YOUR TAIL FEATHERS AND GET OUT. HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS OR HAPPY HANUKKAH OR WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE. PICK UP A CUP OR THREE AS YOU LEAVE.” Charlie hollers, watching as the partygoers start to leave in twos and threes.

At 2:17 the house is empty, minus the 6 merry poets downstairs, and 1 grumpy poet already tucked in bed. “Alright divide and conquer men… and Knox and Todd please just sit on the couch before your boyfriends can retrieve you.” Meeks said, already bending over to pick up various cups.

10 minutes later, the house was clean, or as clean as a house full of young adult men can be. A quick goodnight and Merry Christmas was said to each of the boys as the respective couples and such went to their rooms.

Neil sits holding Todd on the end of their shared bed. “Honey you gotta take the meds now so you don’t wake up puking up your guts.”

“Donwanna neil… wanna lay down.” Todd mumbles, tucking his head into the older boy’s neck.

Neil could never argue with Todd. Accepting defeat and the fact that he’d had to nurse Todd through the hangover in the morning anyway, Neil tucked a cuddly Todd into the bed.

“Goodnight honey,” Neil hummed, kissing Todd on the head, “and Merry Christmas.” Neil whispered, turning off the lamp and cuddling up to his already asleep boyfriend.

- - -

first dps fic please don’t flame me! and if you want to be added to a taglist lmk :)

[si-nemo-me-reminiscetur]

7 for Starlieee

and maybeee if you were feeling up for it, 28 for AnderPerry...

STARLIE STARLIE STARLIE!!! Uhm, anyway! For those of you who don't know, that's my darling boy Steven Meeks and my other darling boy Charlie Dalton.

Both of these coming right up, let's go!

Answers to this ask game.

Content Warnings: blood (metaphor), wound (metaphor) [starlie] | internalized homophobia (kind of), parental abuse (implied), religious guilt [anderperry]

7 — starlie; a kiss to shut them up

"No, you don't get it." Steven paced again, his hands echoing some words, but mostly just moving, pointing at Charlie, bending his own fingers way back. He was nervous, obviously, but more so than usually.

He was also, currently, angry.

"Oh, what don't I get, genius? Enlighten me."

"Don't ... don't do that, Charlie." Stand, pause, point. "You do not get to be a bitch about this."

"Oh, such a bad word, Meeks. How dare you?" Charlie took his feet of the table, leaning forward, towards Steven.

"Shut up, Dalton. You infuriate me with your whole ... would you stop it with that grin."

"It's literally none of your business. This is my stuff."

"No. No, it's not." Steven started pacing again, taking his glasses of with one hand, rubbing the bridge of his nose with pinched fingers. Charlie could feel sorry for him, but the spite burning through his body wouldn't let him. It just made this fight fun.

"Yes, it is."

"No. Because if you don't keep up, if you don't sit your ass down to learn, you're going to fail the whole year. You're going to have to do all of this again. All these exams, the tests, the assignments. You're going to be held back and we won't ... we ... we won't be graduating together." Something about the way Steven said that was different that the anger.

"I don't want to do my senior year without you. I don't want to sit in class and turn around to see if you'll say something funny, and you're not there. I don't want to learn new things and not have you call me a nerd on impact because you know exactly how I get."

Something about the way Steven said that made Charlie's chest ache, an old wound hurting with the changing weather. He had bled out a few times, but never enough to stay dead. Steven knew the entry and exit wounds or every foolish decision Charlie had ever made. More of his near breaking voice—still anger, but because he was overwhelmed with everything, not because he raged—and Charlie would have to hurt the person responsible.

"You don't get to say, this is none of my business because you kissed me first and with that you made it my business. You will get through this school year and you will graduate with me and maybe you can break my heart then, but not yet, you got me? Hey, what ..."

Charlie had gotten up, had bridged the distance that seemed oh so terrible and had kissed Steven. It was rude to interrupt like that, but what else was new about Charlie?

He held the other boy tightly, one hand in his hair the other in his neck, lips pressed together, a vacuum for those fragile words to die in. Don't cry, Steven. Don't think too much about it.

"You ass—" Charlie didn't allow for more cursewords, more unintentioned cruelty Steven would stumble over. It was what had happened last time and it had left Charlie with broken pieces of the boy he loved. Steven had crumpled like paper when he had walked back, tears in his eyes that wouldn't fall, apologizing for speaking to him like that. It hadn't even been the worst thing Charlie had ever been called, but to Steven it was different.

Charlie had taken the apology even if he hadn't deserved it. This kiss now was necessary precaution, stopping Steven from hurting someone. Himself, in most cases.

Steven caved in silently and softly. The ground gave way carefully below them, when he wrapped his arms around Charlie as well, kissed him back, kissed him back, kissed him back.

When they parted for a moment to catch each others breath in the liminal space between them, Charlie grinned again. Steven glared.

"You're rude."

"I am." His voice was gentle and solid, he traced Steven's cheekbone with his thumb, following the motion rather than being buried alive in the dark brown eyes of the other boy. "I'll make this work out, yes?"

"What?"

"Everything. I'll make it fine." He would suffer the perils of studying things that burned his insides in their monotony, if it meant Steven would melt into his arms just a little easier, without anger, without worry.

"Okay."

"Should I apologize for shutting you up like this?" Steven laughed at the question.

"You should, yes."

He didn't. He kissed him again, though.

28 — anderperry; a kiss as a lie

Todd didn't think about certain things, but noticed he was doing them when zoning in on himself. He bit the ends of pencils, only noticed when the wood splintered. He picked at threads from his sweater and realized too late he was creating holes he'd have to patch up again. He played around with his necklace until he found Neil staring at it. Then he let it fall under his shirt. Smiled.

There was always a certain feeling of shame attached to these moments, getting caught in the act. He had no explanation for it, it just felt hot all the way down his spine and he had to stop, put the pencil down, smooth the fabric out, hide the crucifix necklass again.

Especially Neil watching him had a weight to it, his eyes fixed on the gold cross as if it was something to be scared of. Todd understood that, he himself had looked up at the cross in a church so many times, fearfully in prayer.

I'm afraid, I'm not good enough. I'm scared, I can never be someone. I'm terrified because I love a boy and he loves me back.

But Neil didn't believe in God, he didn't believe in any higher power. It made sense since the only higher power Neil had ever known had tried to break him again and again over the years. Todd couldn't imagine someone this mortal wielding this much power over him, but then he remembered his own parents. Then he stopped playing with the necklace and focused on homework. The desk set laughed at him with the voice of his father.

"Todd." Neil's voice was just a whisper. They were laying in Neil's bed, comfortably close even if the bed was too small, lips kissed until red, their legs tangled. Todd's arm was a pillow for Neil's head, his other hand lost somewhere between the fabric of Neil's shirt and the skin on his back. It felt forbidden and soft under his hands.

If God could see me now, what would He say?

"Yes, Neil."

"I love you. So much." Neil looked up, his eyes endless in the dim light of the bedside table lamp. "More than anything."

"I love you too," Todd answered after a heartbeat passed. The hesitation was something he had embedded in his bloodstream, thinking about his words before he spoke, before saying the wrong thing again. Neil didn't understand it.

He didn't have to.

He just needed to let Todd take it, hesitate and be braver for it.

In this very moment it seemed like the wrong thing.

"Are you okay?" he asked Neil. Endless eyes, his lips pressed into a tight line. He didn't look okay, but Todd needed him to say it. Speak aloud his thoughts and make himself heard. People listened to Neil, they always did.

Instead of an answer Neil kissed him. The world faded into the background for a moment, just Neil's hands on Todd's cheeks. Just them. Then Todd realized he'd not gotten an answer.

It was alright. In a way. Neil wasn't okay, but he would, he must tell Todd eventually. He always did, some way or another, with trembling hands, lips, heart. Todd would never get used to the boy he loved breaking apart like this, but maybe it was for the better. He shouldn't get familiar with the sight, he had to rage and fight and worry (at least) because not enough people were in Neil's side like that.

It still stung. The lie in Neil's kiss was a new ache in his chest, a feeling of mistrust and care at the same time. No, I'm not okay, but I get to kiss you. That's worth a lot.

"Todd?" They had almost been drifting off to sleep, blanket wrapped around them, the lights turned off. Todd didn't open his eyes when humming.

"Yes?"

"If ... if God told you to leave me. Would you?"

The question fell onto Todd's chest like a mountain, he couldn't breathe for a second or exactly 12 minutes or 40 years.

Eyes open. The room dark.

Hesitation again. Waiting to find an answer.

He leaned over to kiss Neil.

I don't know, my heart. I can't answer this. He doesn't speak to me anyway, so don't worry. Maybe I'll be braver, when He does. Maybe then I don't lie to you anymore.

Neil kissed him back. He believed him.

[jamroses]

Maybe in another life

Word count: 1.3k Warnings: None ? Summary: Todd meets Neils sister Diane, and convinces the other Poets to have one last meeting so he can introduce her to them. Tags:Dead Poets Society, Neil Perry, Todd Anderson, Charlie Dalton, Knox Overstreet, Gerard Pitts, Steven Meeks, Richard Cameron, AnderPerry Note: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING AND PUBLISHING A FANFICTION??? HELP ME?? SORRY IF ITS HORRIBLE ?? CONSTRUCTIVE(!) CRITISM IS ALWAYS WELCOME <3

The days following Neil's death were silent, no one knew what to say. Barely a word was spoken between the boys, they had gotten some time off to deal with the news, and prepare for the funeral. 

Todd was lying on the now empty right side bed, Neil’s mother had come in the day before to clear out all his stuff and had even told him he could keep something of Neil’s to ‘remember him by’. 

Todd had chosen the script of ‘A midsummer night's dream’ and a sweater. A knock sounded on the other side of the door and Todd rose from the bed, 

“Come in.” Meeks walked in, 

‘‘It’s almost starting, are you ready to go?’’ Todd nodded and followed Meeks out the door and through the corridor. They walked silently, side by side through the halls toward the church next to the school where the service would be held. 

They slid into the bench next to Charlie, Knox & Pitts who were already seated, Todd looked around and saw Neil’s parents sitting on the front row, right beside Nolan. The headmaster rose from his seat and stood up on the podium. 

“The death of Neil Perry was a tragic accident.” Nolan began, 

“Liar.” Todd muttered under his breath. 

“He was a fine student, one of Welton’s best, and he will be missed.” Nolan continued, “We have contacted each of your parents to explain the situation. Naturally, all are quite concerned. At the request of Neil’s family, I intend to conduct a thorough inquiry into this matter. Your complete cooperation is expected.” 

-

After the service, everyone slowly made their way out to the courtyard. Todd walked behind his friends, 

“You guys go ahead, there’s something I need to check on.” 

He started towards the cemetery where they had just buried Neil. When he got there he saw there was already another person there, a girl, she couldn’t have been any older than he was. 

Todd slowly approached her, and stood a few feet apart from her, looking at Neil’s grave. The girl didn’t seem to notice him at first, as she continued to rearrange the white roses that were placed around Neil’s grave. Todd thought he had seen her before, but he just couldn’t figure out why she looked so familiar. 

After she had finished what she was doing, the girl turned her head to look at Todd.

She noticed how heartbroken he looked, how pale his skin was, how red his eyes were from crying. 

“Did you know him well?” She asked him, Todd looked up, “Neil, did you know him well?” 

“Oh yeah, we were roommates, you?” Todd looked at her, who was it that she reminded him of? 

“Yeah, he was my brother.” Todd looked her in the eyes for the first time since they met, 

“What?” 

He took in her features and realized she looked just like him, hell she could even be him. 

“Yeah he is, was, a year and a half older than me.” Todd was staring at her as if she were a ghost. 

“You look just like him.”  

“Yeah I get that a lot.” She smiled sadly. 

“I’m Todd Anderson by the way.” He held out his hand for her to shake, “So you’re that Todd!” She shook his hand, 

“I’m Diane Perry.’’ 

The bell in the tower struck, indicating that dinner was about to be served at Welton. ‘‘I uh 

have to go, dinners about to be served.’’ 

“Todd said.” Diane looked up, “Yeah I should probably make my way back as well. It was nice meeting you.” 

Diane started making her way back down the small path that led to the village, 

“Wait!” Todd called after her, she turned around, “Do you want to meet the other boys?” 

She smiled, “I’d love to.” 

“Okay, uh, awesome, meet me back here around 8:30.” 

“See you then Todd.” Todd waved and as he made his way back to Welton, he felt that everything might be okay.

Dinner was silent, no one looked at each other. “Guys, meet me at the cave tonight at half past 8?” 

Todd suddenly spoke, everyone looked surprised. 

“What, are you crazy? Why would we go back there?” Knox spoke, 

“Please guys, I have a surprise.” 

“I am never going back to that place.” Charlie said. 

“Yeah, I’ve got homework to do anyway.” Meeks agreed. 

“Come on guys, please. Just one last time.” Todd pleaded, he really needed this to work. “No, and now I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” Knox raised his voice, clearly sounding upset. Todd was starting to lose hope, “For Neil, please.”

Charlie sighed, “What’s this surprise you have for us anyway?” 

“Come to the cave tonight and you’ll see.” 

“Well it better be good.” Pitts said, getting up from the table and getting his stuff together. 

“This is the Last time I will be going back there. Understood?” Knox also got up, 

“Great, awesome, don’t forget, half past 8.” The remaining boys all got up and made their way back to their rooms. 

-

“What’s taking him so long?” Knox was getting impatient, “It’s 8:45 already!” “Dude relax,” Charlie tried to calm him down, “He’ll be here soon.”

“If he’s not here in 5 minutes I’m leaving.” Pitts decided, Meeks nodding in agreement.

Just then, Todd walked into the cave, “Sorry I’m late guys, had to pick up the surprise.”

“It better be good,” Knox grumbled, still upset. “So where is this surprise anyway?” Charlie asked, just as Diane stepped into the cave.

“She’s right here.”

The boys’ jaws collectively dropped as they looked at the girl before them, the girl who had the Same brown eyes, the Same brown hair, the Same nose, even the same smile as him. No one dared to speak a word. Scared that if they did, she might disappear.

Todd broke the silence by introducing her; “Guys this is Diane, she’s Neils sister.” Diane nodded and Todd continued, “Diane this is Knox, Charlie, Meeks and Pitts. A.K.A the Dead Poets Society.”

“I heard you guys have meetings? Where you read poetry?” Diane looked to Meeks, who seemed quite smart to her, and would probably explain it best.

“Yeah, we take turns reading poetry, some from the greats, some original pieces.” Diane nodded, “I actually have a poem I prepared to read tonight.” Diane cleared her throat, ready to start when Charlie interrupted,

“We’ve got to open the meeting first.”

Pitts agreed, “You can’t just start reading poetry.”

“Well then would someone open the meeting please?” Diane looked around and realized that as soon as she asked the question the cave fell silent.

Pitts had taken a sudden interest to his shoes, Charlie acted as though he had never seen a cave wall before in his life, Meeks felt the need to clean is already clean glasses thoroughly and Todd just stared off into the distance, as if he wasn’t even here.

“He always opened the meetings.” Knox spoke.

“Excuse me?”

“Neil, he always opened our meetings.” Knox got up, “Listen Todd, I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by bringing her here. But we’ve all gotta move on.”

“What are you talking about?” Todd got up as well, “I understand you’re just trying to help.” Knox continued; “But you gotta face the reality, Neils dead, we might all be facing expulsion, and Keating is being investigated. I’m sorry, but I’m leaving, I can’t take this anymore.” Knox made his was out the cave,

“Knox! Wait! Come back!” Todd tried to chase after him.

“It’s no use,” Meeks spoke, “he’s gone.”

“He was right though,” Pitts also got up, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” He started making his way out the cave too.

Todd felt all hope he had that afternoon disappear, everything was falling apart.

“I’m sorry Todd.” Charlie looked Todd in the eyes, “Maybe one day we’ll return.” Charlie put on his coat and followed Pitts outside.

“Meeks, please, you can’t leave.” Todd pleaded, feeling his eyes fill up with tears. But Meeks had already gotten up, and was halfway out the cave,

“Goodnight Todd.” RAAAAAAHHHH DO U GUYS LIKE THIS??? DO U WANT A PART TWO????

[mrradmccoolman]

hello everynyan!! it's baby's second (?) tumblr post. i present to you:

ELLIOTT'S ANDERPERRY SONG ANALYSIS

okay, so, here's the gist of it: i have an ever-growing playlist on spotify of songs i feel fit neil, todd, or their relationship as a whole. each song is not only one i like, but also has lyrics that represent something specific about them. this sort of thing is something ive done for multiple characters for a long time, and ive always had carefully curated reasons behind my choices. i just recently got back into the dps fandom, and thought this would be a good way to not only show how i see the characters, but also become a part of the community on Tumblr myself :)

i will not be doing every song simply because i do not have the time and the playlist is way too long for that, but i'll definitely be choosing some favorites. i'll most likely just post whenever i feel like it, so i can't promise any sort of a timeline. this is just a little project i thought would be fun, especially considering the fics im working on take me ages lol 😅

sooo without further ado: song number one is....

Habanero by Rosie Tucker

i've been listening to a lot of rosie tucker's music lately, and this song really stood out to me as a todd/neil song from neil's perspective. one of the reasons i connect so much to neil as a character is because i see myself in him, and subsequently how he handles what i see as a very real depressive disorder throughout the movie. this song makes me think of his feelings and relationship with todd in canon, how he sees himself and todd, and the bittersweet-ness of loving someone in the "wrong" way.

"...you said "this never happens to me, this never happens" but you smile while you suffer so you're lying or wrong" this lyric encapsulates a big part of neil's perception of todd, especially towards the beginning of the movie. it specifically reminds me of the "what do you mean no?" scene and the argument they have leading up to it. it also alludes to todd's poem scene in front of the class and neil's reaction to it. he sees todd as saying this sort of bewildered, in awe, "this never happens to me," because, well, for todd, that's how it feels. he doesn't speak in front of people, he doesn't share parts of himself like that. i actually believe he didn't even really write poetry on his own before keating's class, either, so even writing at all is a big step for him- never mind showing others. we know todd hates public speaking and being perceived (although it's a lot more complicated than that, but i won't get into it here) so he "smiles while (he) suffers" because even though this is something he hates and feels so much shame about, a part of him is amazed and happy he did it at all. thus the "you're lying or wrong" from neil- i see this as neil recognizing that actually, knowing todd, this isn't the first time he's done something like this like he might think. in truth, todd says and does beautiful things like this all the time. though todd sees himself as dull and embarassing, neil sees the truth. we often think of neil as recognizing todd as a diamond in the rough, but people are more complicated than that. really, todd has always had this beauty inside him- this is just the first time he (and everyone else) has gotten the opportunity to really see it. neil feels vindicated in a sense, because he knew it was there.

"i'm never happy, but i've never been better" i feel this lyric is pretty straightforward when it comes to neil. he has depression, which makes it so so hard to feel happy, even when you think you should- and most of the time, neil doesn't even have those moments. todd isn't some cure-all for his problems, and certainly doesn't make his depression go away, but he's a huge aid to neil. he's the one person who really sees him. even if neil still isn't happy in the traditional way, he still feels better around todd. another thing i could get into buttt this post is already gonna be long enough as is lol.

"i need to see you sweat" i feel this one is also pretty self explanatory. it's sexuality and desire, something neil has likely not felt to this level before. especially when you're depressed, it's hard to feel any sort of desire. i feel that any thoughts neil would have would already be pretty vague because of his internalized homophobia, but this would be similar to the way he would allow himself to verbalize his feelings. there are a lot of great fics out there that i feel really encapsulate this well.

"wouldn't we be perfect together if we wanted exactly the same thing?" i would argue that the majority of the fandom kind of accepts neil's feelings for todd as pretty obviously requited, even though interestingly enough, from an outside perspective i would actually argue neil's feelings are the most obviously canon. not that i don't definitely believe todd feels the same, nor do i think this is a bad thing- it's just that the entire movie revolves around identity, and neil's passion for acting serves as a metaphor for queerness pretty obviously, and beyond that acting is associated with queer identity as a whole, another reason behind mr. perry's aversion to it. neil doesn't know if todd feels the same as he does. even if things may seem obvious to us, this isn't "normal" for the time period and so i believe wholeheartedly that neil didn't know todd had any feelings for him. was this more his own self hatred, him protecting himself, or that anything he saw that may have alluded to reciprocation he convinced himself was his own mind playing tricks on him? probably a mixture of all three.

"but i smile while i suffer like a sucker supreme" even though neil knows this won't end well, that his feelings are "wrong" and this is hurting him in the long run, he can't help himself when it comes to todd. he's a sucker for him and the feelings he gets being around him.

"all at once i'm a child trapping tadpoles in a cup, and i know they'll never make it (...) but i smile while they suffer 'cause i want it so much" neil knows being in the play, being with todd, and defying his father is a losing game. he knows, on a distant level, that he'll never get away with it. maybe during the play he finally, for one gorgeous moment, truly believed things would change- but then his father shows up and proves he was right all along. he knows he's doomed, that todd was right to doubt his plan to lie to his father in the first place, but he wants it so badly he doesn't care (or, more than that, he feels so incredibly trapped that he's given up and has resigned himself to the consequences). not only this, but his depression has made his latching onto the one thing that gives him hope even more intense. to be ripped away from this, the only thing he's ever wanted- the only person he's ever wanted- is the end. he knows that. even so, even though he can see the futility of it all crumbling beneath him, he sees the fall through.

"i can't believe i'll die before becoming a frog" there's a sort of disbelief in his resignation to death in his final moments, a darkly humorous "i can't believe it's come to this, that this is really happening" despite not really being surprised. neil is cutting everything short and throwing away his potential before his father gets the chance to do it for him. he'll never "become a frog" in so many ways- never get to live for himself, never get to become an adult, never get to act again, etc.

well...that was very long! if you've made it to the end of this post, i hope this was as fun for you as it was for me :)) i'll definitely be doing more of these as time goes on!! let me know your thoughts!!

(the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Fh97W8EItmoJHjQvjsBl4?si=WoH7J5GHTfmt3v7OuqbHnQ&pi=6x2g03n8Q1Knc )

| next ->

[angelicalscented]

i'll never confess what i am feeling, i'm always waiting for the right time.

[beezillla]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY SPOILERS!!

just found a BANGER song that relates too hard too much to anderperry <///33

check out the song here!! its so good

analysis (if you could call it that LOL) below !!

Haven't seen him in a real long time / And I think I'll take some flowers and a couple extra hours / To tell him all about my little life

Is this not already anderperry.. my heart aches thinking about them, imagine Todd walking to his grave anytime he's sad aahh

I don't know if he will recognize / My face, it's gotten older, and I've got more on my shoulders / But I still hold on to his pretty eyes

Hahahah Todd will grow older than Neil eventually hahahah (i cant do this anymore). Headcannon that Todd's favourite feature is someones eyes, and that Neil had the prettiest eyes

Well I'm going down to Robert's place with my favorite guitar / And I'Il play him the songs I wrote last week

Maybe Todd wanted to express his poems musically so maybe he began writing songs hoping that one day Neil could perform them <//3 Todd's always been the writer and Neil was always the enthusiastic performer.. In another life I'd love to see Todd writing plays/musicals and Neil performing aaaggh

But he knows how to make a boy feel seen

IS THIS NOT ANDERPERRY ENTIRELY??? THIS LINE LITERALLY IS THEMMM Neil was the first one to talk to him, Neil was the first one to make him feel seen and to make him feel proud and confident </3

And I see, yes I see / That he's six feet under me / But sometimes I hope he is down the hall

Oh my heart hurrtss, having to live in that dorm alone :( poor Todd

And I sat, but not for long because the chill brought winter on / But I want him to know that I'm still here

IT WAS WINTER EVERYONE. IT. WAS. WINTERRR 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And I know he won't return, but if there's one thing that l've learned / A day with him's a day that's better spent

i miss them so much.

And I'll tell him how I've grown and how I'm living on my own / I know I'll get there someday, maybe soon

Do you think that Todd struggled to live with other people because the one time he did, he opened up to them so much and they left him? Or do you think he couldn't live alone anymore????? Oh i miss them so much

[octaviasdread]

Dead Poet Date Hc's

Anderperry - Chased by Walt Whiskers

When Todd's publisher demands that he use social media, his manager, Ginny, couldn't have envisioned this.

Accidental sweater thirst traps aside, it's Walt Whiskers driving Todd's media engagement. It's Walt Whiskers who guest stars at his poetry readings, and it's Walt Whiskers who Ginny hires a social media manager for.

Who knew his anxiety aid could be such a traitor?

Because when Todd meets Neil his life goes to shit.

Working in media had, of course, given Todd the expectation that his cat's manager would be attractive. Todd can work with attractive. He can ignore attractive, usually.

But nothing about Neil is normal. He's tall, extroverted, and a Shakespearean actor to boot.

He's not arrogant, gym-obsessed, or suppressing the temper of a stage mom. Neil is a regular guy so in love with his poorly paid job that he decimates his sleep schedule and runs ragged to pay his rent by managing the city's theatre socials.

So Ginny, like any good friend, ropes Neil in before her boss at Todd’s publishing house even finishes the call.

Unfortunately, Todd is a homebody. He is a poet with a Wikipedia page branding him a 'recluse,' and the thing about influencers is they have to exist outside.

Ginny compromises at first. Every shoot is scheduled in darkened, private spaces.

Todd watches each time as Neil's brows raise in perfect, incredulous arcs. He doesn't comment. Instead, Neil hoists Walt onto one of his ridiculously high hips and takes a walk to 'check the light.'

Todd's lungs expand.

To Neil's credit, he tries. Todd finds indoor photoshoots awkward enough as he poses with his lacklustre smile, torn notebooks, and Walt Whiskers perching irritably on his lap.

The outdoor shoots are worse.

"Poetry is supposed to stir you up!" Neil's voice projects through Central Park as he gesticulates wildly. "You look as stirred up as a cesspool."

"I'm not like you."

"Don't you think you could be? People listen to your words, Todd. Now let them meet you."

"I thought you were here for Walt."

Neil rolls his eyes, "you are Walt, dummy. Come on, let's break for coffee."

So they order drinks and commiserate through quotes, exchanging words from Tennessee Williams and Kafka until Todd is comfortable enough to allude to his own.

And when Todd isn't looking, Neil gets the Instagram reel. It's the perfect shot of Walt Whiskers wearing Neil's glasses as he slowly blinks at Todd quoting from his supposedly 'aesthetic,' ink-stained notebook.

With a trendy sound bite, the post explodes.

Todd's latest book flies off the shelves. So naturally, Ginny hauls them into her office to talk strategy.

Strategy, in Ginny's world, translates to valentine date.

"It's logic," Ginny dismisses. Tinny music pours from the speakers as the Hudson River Company keeps her cell phone on hold. "Your latest collection is called, Tides of Love, Todd. I'd be an idiot not to set up a romantic dinner cruise for PR.”

"I'm not sitting there with my cat." Todd turns and appeals to Neil for help. "Tell her what people will think."

Neil opens his mouth, but Ginny cuts him off.

"No." She shoots a firm look at them both. "I know for a fact that neither of you have valentines plans. Take the cat together and secure us a bestseller."

They take the cat.

Todd spends all night pulling at his tux. Walt has no such reservations with his mini paw-printed bowtie. Instead, the damn cat has every waitress sneaking chicken under the perfectly pressed tablecloth.

If he were a better pet owner, Todd would've noticed. In a better world, Todd would've stuck to the no-chicken diet Walt's vet prescribed. But in this world, his cat's manager is wearing a tux.

Neil could be a Hollywood star sitting there under candlelight. With the wine in his head and the river waves in his stomach, Todd wants to take Tides of Love and write it anew.

But he doesn't.

Todd pokes at his Michelin star meal. It may be pathetic, but valentines are valentines no matter how fake.

He crumples a napkin and drops it over the camera lens.

There are no witnesses when Neil pets Walt, his long, delicate fingers brushing Todd's own. Nobody shares how they linger, how they curve, almost taking Todd's hand to hold.

And when Neil makes a determined and tipsy climb up the deck, Todd doesn't turn, doesn't direct his stare away. He finds himself laughing and scrambling to race against Neil's impossibly long legs. With a fire inside, Todd snatches up the lookout post, throwing drunken taunts out in his wake.

With flushed cheeks and Walt warm in his arms, Todd isn't a tentative poet or a hermit half in early retirement. He's Jack flying high through the clouds. He's bold and he's reckless in his dreams, and in his love for a Shakespearean Rose.

Like every ship, Cupid's Arrow sweeps Todd happily into the deep.

It's only with his hangover the inevitable sinking begins. His iceberg is the size of date night floating up his fyp with over 20,000 hits.

A heart-shaped button has never cut so deep.

But with engagement comes sales and not one, but two, NY Times bestsellers, so the poet and media manager keep taking Walt on contracted dates.

Cafes roll into museums, picnic dates, and late-night Broadway shoots.

Walt poses while Neil charms and draws Todd closer and closer into their extroverted orbit.

By April, Todd's poems hang from the walls backstage at Circle in the Square. He walks between frames correcting and composing while Walt scurries beneath seats, and sniffs for wet food pouches stashed under stacks of Neil's scripts.

It's a routine, Todd tells himself. It's enrichment to exercise Walt. It's his typewriter stored as a video prop amongst the leafy crowns and Yorick skulls at home in Neil's dressing room.

It's this home the poet follows, each purr and smile like catnip until he finds himself curling up during rehearsals behind painted, woodland sets. His poems layer across the orchestra, snatches of Neil's soliloquy, and the beat of paws on wood as Todd opens his words and world to TikTok Live.

With these unique readings come sponsors, and with sponsors come trips.

As spring creeps in, Ginny packs them off on a brand deal supplying a '57 Chevrolet Corvette for the road Coney Island.

They shoot Walt in the driver's seat like a city-dwelling Grace Kelly in sunglasses and a scarf. In a second snap, Neil lounges on the red bonnet in a line of Times Square traffic, and Todd is blurrily backlit by Battery Tunnel in a final car shot, the winning polaroid cover for his upcoming collection, Epigraphs for Nostalgia.

The road to true love has never felt so smooth.

Todd knows it can’t last, but he clings to this day straight from the brand’s vintage guide to teenage dates.

Roll after roll fills with charmingly juvenile snaps.

They wave from Deno’s Wonder Wheel. Product placement smears Coney Cone's ice cream over Walt's nose, while Neil and Todd squabble over film and notebook sheets which fly loose to scatter like snow on the boardwalk.

"I told you," Neil whoops, "those dead drafts want to fly!"

Chastened by staff, but thrilled with the candid, self-timer snaps, the poet and media manager take one more shot.

"Come on," Todd grumbles, wrestling Walt into an admittedly dingy photo booth. "You can't take care of yourself."

Walt meows in protest. But the curtain falls and traps both man and cat as Neil slides onto the bench.

Flash. Walt pressed nose to nose with Todd. Flash. Todd squawks while Neil howls at the ice cream Walt smears on Todd's nose. Flash. Walt leaps and Neil dives into Todd's lap in an effort to catch the escaping cat. Ding!

Pink hearts float in bubble letters like cotton candy across the screen: Kisscam Count.

Descending digits blink in and out.

Three.

The poet freezes. His cat's media manager glances up, his body still sprawled across the poet's lap.

Two.

Neil inhales.

One.

The final lines of Epigraph for Nostalgia linger on the seam of Todd's lips.

“Carpe Diem," he mutters.

There's a flicker.

An image appears of an Instagram crashing kiss.

[always-andromeda]

get to know your moots

Thank you for the tag @guiltyasdave!! This turned out a little long but it was sort of introspective to fill out!!

what's the origin of your blog title?

During my Paul Dano days I started out as spicedchaiandromeda. I loved getting spiced chai lattes at every coffee shop I went to, what can I say lol. But about two years ago when I became a more multi fandom blog I changed to always-andromeda to kind of signify that no matter what stuff I’m into, I am always Andromeda!!

OTP(s) + shipname

I’ve enjoyed a few ships over the years but I think my absolute favorite will always be Anderperry from Dead Poets Society.

favorite color

Yellow!! 💛

favorite game

I love The Last of Us, truly. But rn, Red Dead Redemption 2 and Baldur’s Gate 3 are sliiiightly edging above it. They’re both just so good. 😭

song stuck in your head

Was It Something I Said by MyKey feat. Cavetown

weirdest habit/trait?

I have a few vocal stims, but those aside, I think it’s my occasional zoomies? Idk how else to explain it but sometimes I’ll get these little bursts of energy and I just have to take some laps around the house or make some strange sound.

hobbies

Reading, writing, drawing, painting, cross-stitching, embroidery, baking, cooking…a lot of old lady activities, lmao.

if you could have any job you wish what would it be?

I’m currently studying for my studio arts degree with the hope that I can take on some sort of a graphic design position. But in an ideal world, I’d love to teach. I’ve admired almost all of my art professors and have been told that I’d make a good teacher myself.

something you're good at

Off the top of my head, I’d say conflict management. I’ve hit a point in my journey with therapy and whatnot where I feel that I can handle disagreements and de-escalate situations if they ever arise.

something you're bad at

Time management, lol. But that’s just an extra ADHD perk.

something you love

Maaan, I just had some last night so...spicy tuna over fried rice. That shit is delicious.

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff

Things that I could and have include One Direction lore, The Last of Us, and Astarion and Wyll from Baldur’s Gate 3.

something you hate

On the serious side: transphobia. On the unserious side: ants.

something you collect

The only things I well and truly collect are Palm Pals. If I see them in a gift shop while traveling, I'll get one. The last time I spent a day with my best friend he got me Doodle (the crayon box)!!

something you forget

Lately it's been what I was really like as a teenager? As I've grown and gone to therapy and figured out better ways to cope with things, sometimes I really forget how codependent and people pleasing I could be back then. Your girl had zero consideration for her own wellbeing!!

what's your love language?

Jana cited a tiktok about how eldest daughters are taught to take care of everyone around them so they don't really know their love language. And ngl struck me hard!! Literally just like. Acknowledge I exist!! 🥲

favorite movie/show

It shifts a lot but rn it's Yellowjackets again.

favorite food

I think my all time favorites are almost any kind of sushi and quesabirria tacos.

favorite animal

Growing up by the coast, I'm developed a very palpable love for sea lions lol.

what were you like as a child?

My mother says I was extremely strong willed, lol. But I know at my core that I was a very anxious kid. I was fairly intelligent and was downright terrible at making good friends.

favorite subject at school

I've always been an English and art class girlie!!

least favorite subject

Probably economics? But that's mostly because my teacher was not my favorite.

what's your best character trait

My generosity; I've always been extremely giving to people regardless of how close I am to them.

what's your worst character trait

Probably my anger, funnily enough. I can get it under control way better now. But occasionally it can get the better of me and I hate it when it does.

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be

I kiiiind of wish I had gotten up earlier? I accidentally slept in for like an hour. I also wish I wasn't dealing with ants rn. The pest control guy came over today and the problem should be better within the week but still, it sucks so bad. 😭

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet

Maybe it's because I started rewatching Twin Peaks with my brother and the fact that I'm still sad about him passing, but my heart says David Lynch.

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!)

Honestly, anything Roman Roy from @strang3lov3. I cannot explain it but she made me feral for that man in a ways I didn't even know was possible. I also really want to start reading more of her writing for Joel because I love her style in general!!

no pressure tags (if you've already done it, feel free to ignore me lmaooo sorry!!): @saradika @sixhours @elflutter @inept-the-magnificent @noisynaia

[fireflyinks]

jammed

a/n : literally who hurt me enough to write this???

contains : SUICIDE MENTIONS, DESCRIPTION OF GUN, funny enough Neil actually lives!, mentions of anderperry

Neil sat at his father’s desk, a wretched feeling that made the brunette boy feel ill. He sighed to himself, caressing the cloth, which enveloped his great demise, with carefulness and heed. It was time, he told himself, as he unwrapped the revolver. 

He stood, ignoring how his knees buckled, as if begging him to reconsider. In usual Neil fashion, he wanted his passage to be as poetic as possible, though no one would be around to see it. 

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise? Neil’s attempt of a yawp at the world had been dismissed; this was his last chance.

With a shaky yet certain hand, he aimed the damned barrel in between his eyes. It felt similar to his father’s piercing glare. The glare that was causing this entire affair. 

God, he hated him. More than he hated pulmonary emphysema or Pritchard. There was nothing but bitterness and disdain in his soul as he thought of his ascendant. The man who had part in creating and ending Neil’s life. 

He spoke fluidly, not sure exactly who he was speaking to. The world? His father? Acting?

“I was good, I was really good.” 

Neil had always heard that the moment right before you do it is full of regret and revision, yet he only saw the beauty in his demise. 

Click. 

He opened his eyes, much to his own dismay. Lowering the gun, he examined the cylinder. It was loaded, he’d made sure to check before. He even took great caution to keep himself from shooting his father instead. 

It must’ve jammed, he told himself. How could he have let this happen? His last poetic feat, and he couldn’t even do it right. He slammed the gun onto the desk, pacing back and forth. It wouldn’t be as meaningful now, once he’d attempted twice. His last salute to the world would be overshadowed by this. 

He thought about how ironic it truly was. He couldn’t even manage to murder himself correctly. Neil imagined his father finding out about this, the disappointed look on his face that his son was all too familiar with. It would’ve been better for him to do it and succeed than have to live with this knowledge. 

Neil raked his brain for other options. He could tie a decent knot, a skill required from his years in boy scouts, but where would he get the rope? He could gorge down a handful of pills from his mother’s variety of prescriptions she’d acquired over the years as time wore her body down and pray that it took him out, but there was always a chance it wouldn’t and he’d just get sick. 

The snow fell relentlessly outside the window, he would lay out in it until the bitter glaciation killed him, but his body was well acquainted with the cold, as he’d lived in Vermont his entire life. He recalled poking fun at Todd once because of his sensitivity to the cold. 

He choked on his breath for a moment. Todd. 

A tear trickled down his cheek as he became hyper aware of who and where he was, and especially where he wasn’t. How he longed to be back in the cave, reciting a poem that had transformed his soul for the millionth time.  Neil imagined Todd finding out the news of his passing if he went through with any of these plans. The two had only met five months ago, yet Neil knew that this would surely break the blue eyed boy. 

Neil initially decided to take his life because couldn’t stay alive knowing that his love would be stripped away from him. He was so caught up in himself that he didn’t even think of his other love. 

If he were going to stay alive for anything or anyone, it would be Todd.