#this concerned idiot who just wants to take care of his broken friend

[fridgrave2-0]

I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with ford being an absolute asshole towards fiddleford and basically abusing him.

first of all, yes, it's not ford's fault that he was manipulated (doubtful tbh) and abused by bill, but that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk who closes his eyes on his friend's deepest traumas. the traumas fiddleford got only because stanford completely ignored his warning and got fidds involved into bunch of shit. like his monster hunting which wasn't even the reason fiddleford went to gravity falls in the first place. he was there to help ford build the portal, not to be a part of ford's anomaly quest. and when fiddleford spoke out against it he was ignored because ford doesn't give a shit about anyone else but himself or his muse. fiddleford got traumatized physically and mentally so deeply that in the need to be able to sleep at night peacefully he completely destroyed his mind to the state that even bill was scared to be in there. and what stanford did? he (the one who couldn't care less about fidds warning him about gremoblin) critiqued fiddleford for using the memory gun and didn't even bother to apologize or say that he's sorry in the journal. god, what am I saying, he didn't even took fiddleford to the hospital after fiddleford feel from the sky through the roof of a fucking barn with a dozen of poisonous quills in his body AND A BROKEN ARM. ford described what happened to fidds in the journal, said he "took him home for a treatment" and the next two paragraphs on the other page is "good news the hyperdrive works" LIKE IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL??? "despite our fortune, I have become worried about my assistant... I myself have survived many monster attacks without trauma, but perhaps F is more sensitive that I realized". no shit sherlock, who would've imagine that seeing your worst nightmares and being poisoned can leave a mark on your mental state. sure it's just fiddleford, he's just overreacting because he's "sensitive"))) /src

ford was ignoring fiddleford's concerns all the fucking time that mcgucket was there with him, he took a superstitious and religious guy with anxiety into the forest with real ass monsters who's no one but ford is used to see. fiddleford was warning stanford about shifty and got kidnapped with his identity stolen by the shapeshifter because ford didn't listen. well, at least this time stanford had bothered to apologize for another traumatic event- ah no, next thing ford said is that when the portal is finished all the traumas fiddleford had been through were "worth it". ford just finds ways to make everything worse

we all know that fiddleford has an addictive personality and that the memory gun is the biggest example of that. what we don't talk enough about is that ford at some point decided that sleeping is for losers, but didn't stop at himself and made fiddleford drink 13 fucking cups of coffee, not allowing him to sleep, what in the future made fiddleford a caffeine addict. ford is not only an overworking idiot who gladly damages his own health, no! he wants fiddleford to be the same and quote "gets frustrated" when fiddleford cares not only about his own, but their both basic needs. fiddleford had to work on the portal, get in the trouble with monsters because of ford, but also babysit this manchild to prevent him collapsing from exhaustion (which is more impossible than building a giant portal into the multiverse)

and here we are, the portal testing. once again (and as always) fiddleford did warned ford about everything. fiddleford was working without breaks for days to make sure if the portal will work, and when he found the flaws, he wrote a whole fucking thesis paper, putting all ford's research into a solid work (not taking even smallest credit even tho he was the one to build the portal. when fiddleford had his own theory in the university, ford helped him to only proof that fidds wasn't going crazy by checking the calculations and ford bothered to take the credit for the whole theory, but fiddleford who was a part and a victim of this monumental theory of weirdness didn't took it because he unlike ford doesn't care only about fame). but what did stanford do? he assumed that fiddleford wanted to steal his fucking fame and backstab him. ford didn't even bother to look at something fiddleford was making for three days without resting to make sure that portal won't hurt anyone in the town and that ford won't end up with empty hand if the portal was indeed a lost cause. stanford coldly dismissed fiddleford like they weren't friends, said that he doesn't really waiting fiddleford for the test of the device that fiddleford did built, and even knowing that the portal was dangerous fiddleford chose to come for the test

and then fiddleford got in the portal and it was the biggest traumatic event for him. it was the breaking point for him from which he couldn't stop using the memory gun. it damaged him so much, that he turned from that bright 30-y.o. man into the familiar to us old man mcgucket in the span of two years. his life was ruined for another 30 years, a half of his life he was a mad lonely guy who lived in the junkyard. the man who could've become someone like steve jobs but much better if only he didn't go to help stanford. his family could've been full, tate could have his father. the incident with the portal was the moment of no return for fiddleford, and what did stanford do?

when fiddleford got sucked in the portal, he thought only about the success of his work, that for fidds it was "a remarkable opportunity to confirm or deny the theory" (which he already did with his pre-test research). he didn't think that it was dangerous on the other side, that the portal wouldn't just disintegrate fidds on atoms. and when stanford saw him speaking in a non-human way, shaking and twitching in shock like fiddleford did after the gremoblin incident, ford decided it was nothing. when fiddleford warned him about the apocalypse because he was in the portal and saw it with his own eyes, ford, as always, didn't listen. he didn't just not care about fidds' condition — he diminished everything fiddleford was feeling and everything he witnessed only because it didn't fit in ford's believes which were based just on bill's words (and for stanford it's not something new to belittle things related to fiddleford. he wasn't taking fidds' dream of creating a portable computer seriously, believing that his weirdness theory was much more important)

and after this, stanford insults fiddleford and his family in the journal. he says that he doesn't regret their partnership (it's not really a partnership if stanford didn't count fiddleford as an equal) and friendship breaking up. "to think I considered him a friend!" I doubt he ever did. stanford doesn't know shit about being a good friend (or even a decent person) to someone who sacrificed everything for him. who did put his life aside to be with ford, who cared enough to stay despite stanford again and again putting him in danger, constantly waving him away and feeling no remorse for that. fiddleford was breaking himself for this guy, he canonically was going through "I am nobody to ford if I don't build stuff for him" (and in the end this is exactly what happened). fiddleford didn't tell ford most of his fears and concerns because he didn't want to bother him. fidds was constantly scared and kept in inside because he wanted to be a "better partner". "if I have an anxiety, I will pop anxiety pills", "I'm gonna get through this". and then he didn't

fiddleford was abused by stanford. he was to stanford that ford was to bill, in some ways even worse. it's fucking wild that fiddleford did forgive ford after 30 years of a neverending madness nightmare with his mind being destroyed so much as like it was the earth in the times of the dinosaurs after being hit by the meteorite. fiddleford had lost literally everything, he wasn't even himself for a half of his life and still fidds found the strength to forgive someone who is responsible for it and who used him with regular emotional neglect. and you know what? fuck this. ford would never forgive bill and fiddleford had every right to stay mad at stanford. ford needed to be stuck in the portal to get his head out of the ass and by that time there were only crumbs of someone who fiddleford once was

fiddauthor and billford both are about abuse and toxic relationships. it's up to you what you like to ship, but we need to acknowledge the fact that fiddauthor isn't some fluffy healthy thing where both are happy. fiddleford was never happy and stanford didn't care about fiddleford and his feelings. they made each other worse and ford ruined fidds' life. THIS is the real fiddauthor

[vanillanaps]

Still Get Jealous | Steve Rogers

Request - Hello, I think you are a master writer and I have a drabble of blurb request only if you’re up for it though. Could you write a jealously trope for steve using the song red high heels? :> If it doesn’t inspire anything, that is okay. Thank you!

A/n - I must’ve forgotten how to write drabbles/blurb cause babyyy I got carried again lmaoo. But, unfortunately anon I didn’t find inspiration with the song you requested I still wanted give you jealousy and red high heels, hope it still fulfills you!!

Category - Steve Rogers x Reader, Angst

Warnings - Steve is a jealous asshole with a reckless mouth, reader drinks to ignore the pain

Word Count - 1.3k

♡♡♡♡

It had been approximately two weeks since Steven Grant Rogers left you alone in your apartment after he had broken up with you. In just a little over a month, it would’ve been your year anniversary with Steve. You were both happy and getting ready to take things to the next level, so it was beyond shocking when he sat you down to explain that he ‘just couldn’t do it anymore’ but you were smart enough to spot the bullshit.

Regardless, you cried. You were falling in love, hard and fast just for him to up and leave you out of the blue. But, as the second week of sulking had taken its time slowly ending, something in you snapped. You realized that you shouldn’t be home, crying and depressed about a man who clearly couldn’t give a rats ass about you.

Wiping your tears, you sat up as you searched for your phone in your tangled sheets and blanket. Once you found it, you quickly dialed the number of your favorite girl who could easily take you out of your slump, “Wanda?”

“Hey, Y/n. I’m so glad you called, you haven’t been responding to my text, I was worried.” She had answered the phone with concern in her voice.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just,” You paused, sighing as you threw your covers off of yourself, jumping out of bed, “I’m just sick of crying over Steve you know? I want to go out, I want to have fun, I want to get back to who I was before him—and I wanna do it tonight.”

“Tonight? Y/n, are you sure you’re ready?” Wanda questioned. She was fully supportive of getting you out of the house, but she just wanted you to be sure.

“Yes, tonight. Be ready in an hour.” You told her, hanging up before she could respond, knowing she would try to mother you. Get your real feelings out as to why you were so suddenly ready to go out. But that’s not what you wanted. Even if it was for one night, you just wanted Steve off your mind.

♡♡♡♡

The music blasted loudly in the speakers surrounding the club, the atmosphere through the roof. As you took it all in, you could slowly feel the man slipping from your mind, “Let’s get a drink!” You shouted to Wanda. The two of you held hands as you shuffled to the bar, careful not to lose each other in the club, “Tequila shots please!”

“How many?”

“Just keep them coming!” You shouted to the bartender. He nodded, pouring up the shots and passing them over onto the counter.

“Are you sure, Y/n?!” Wanda asked, picking up her shot as you grabbed yours.

You nodded, “I just need one night not thinking about that—idiot!”

She nodded before holding up her glass to cheer with you, “To forgetting about that idiot!” You both laughed before clicking your glasses and taking the shots.

As promised, the bartender kept the shots coming after each time you both finished one. You felt there was no better way than drowning your sorrows than letting the liquor run through your body, mellowing you out and then letting you forget about the world surrounding you.

But no alcohol in the world could help him forget. Not as he stood in the back corner of the club, watching as you and Wanda take shots back to back. At first, it didn’t bother him. You were out with your friend, having a good time. His ears didn’t turn red from anger until he saw what you were wearing. You had his favorite number on.

A black, skimpy, body con dress that squeezes you in all the right ways, showing off your attributes that he loved. Barely covering your ass so if you were to bend over, the entire club could see all of you. You had your hair in his favorite style and not to mention that red gloss that was painted across those lips that felt like heaven to him. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

Steve made his way closer to you, not close enough to be seen but close enough for his eyes to trail those legs that used to be wrapped around him 24/7. Catching those red, sexy, strappy, five inch stilettos that he bought you. The ones he use to fuck you endlessly in. How could he be such a fucking idiot.

“Wanda, I wanna danceeee!” You slurred, all of those shots starting to take control of your mind and body. You felt good, you felt great.

“Come on!” Taking her last shot, she grabbed your hands quickly pulling you to the dance floor.

You weren’t sure when it happened or how it happened, but at one moment, you were dancing with your best friend, having the time of your life. The next, your ass was pushed up against some man’s crotch as you grinded on him. His hands trailing to any part of your body he could reach. You didn’t mind though, you deserved this. You especially didn’t mind when he nuzzled his face into your neck, pressing soft kisses into your shoulder and neck. For the moment, you were enjoying it and then—you weren’t.

“The fucks your problem dude?!” The random man yelled when you were snatched from his hold.

Your body ran cold when you pulled yourself together, just long enough to see who ruined your dance, “Steve?! What are you doing?!” He ignored you as he grabbed your hand and dragged you through the club and to the exit, “Stop it! Let me go!” He didn’t stop until he got you outside of the club, “What’s your issue?!”

“Two weeks huh? That’s all it took for you to be in the club? Dressed like a hooker and dancing like a slut?” Steve shouted. Immediately he regretted it when he saw the look on your face, but there was nothing he could do to take it back now.

You scoffed, shaking your head, “You’re a real piece of shit, you know that Steve? You broke up with ME for no reason! I cried for two weeks straight because of you! But now, since I’m in the club, with a hooker outfit that YOU bought me, by the way, I’m a slut?!”

Steve's blood was running hot and he was running of anger and jealousy, “You’re drunk, Y/n.”

“I’m not drunk!” You shouted, right before stumbling over your feet, “I’m not that drunk! I’m sober enough to realize that I was doing and to tell you to leave me the fuck alone! I’m not going to spend the rest of my life crying over you when you don't want me! And that stunt you just pulled? Let alone calling me a hooker and a slut all in the same breath? I’m glad we broke up!” You felt it, you felt the tears starting to bubble underneath your eyes, but you didn’t let them fall, “Just leave me alone! I just want to be the person I was before you ruined me, you asshole!”

“Y/n, I’m sorry.” He called out as you started to back away from him, “I broke up with you because I was scared! Everything between us was moving fast and—and I didn’t know what to do so I left!”

“I don’t care, Steve! I don’t care! It’s too late!” You shook your head, not wanting to hear any more excuses. Not wanting him to ruin your night anymore than he already had, “Go find someone else to be scared to fall in love with.”

Just then, Wanda came running out of the club, relieved to see you standing there, “Oh my god, I’ve been looking for you! I was worried.” She breathed, but halted in her tracks when she saw Steve a couple feet away, “Steve? What are you doing here?”

“Leaving, he’s leaving.” You responded for him, turning your back to him and facing Wanda, “Let’s go back inside, I need another drink.”

She nodded, wrapping her arm with yours as the two of you headed back inside without so much as a glance back at the man who realized he truly lost everything.

[tomssexdoll]

Tom being reader’s ex boyfriend and uhm “cheering her up” after her boyfriend who she dated after she broke up with Tom cheated on her so they were at part and Tom saw her crying he was still kinda mad at her but also had feeling for her and wanted her back so he came to her and ask her what happened and after she told him he was a little happy cause at first she is single now and at second he told her that he is idiot after he found out she was dating him and he said “i told he was an idiot you just refused to believe me” and then he is like “i know what can cheer you up” and they end up ducking

BTW I LOVE YOUR FANFICS SM❤️❤️❤️

YUH YUH YUH ILYSM UR AN ANGEL <33333

Me and Tom had broken up over a year ago, things were getting complicated and we were just too busy for each other, balancing work and our love life wasn't much of an option.

I was heartbroken when he left me, crying for month. Until I met my current boyfriend Jack, well now ex. I met him 4 months after I broke up with Tom and we got together 3 weeks after, hitting it off.

He was really sweet at the start, taking me on dates and getting me flowers, at that point me and Tom were still friends but barely talked to each other. When he found out, I could tell he was angry and hurt, distancing himself more.

I just ignored Toms stubborn reaction and focused on Jack. 7 months into the relationship I was scrolling through his phone, looking at pictures of us together and smiling, his body asleep next to me. I accidently clicked into his messages, seeing "pizza hut" saved as a contact. I furrowed my eyebrows, maybe it was a silly prank between his friends? I decided to click on it, seeing if he was planning any cute dates or a surprise for my birthday since it was next week.

My heart dropped as I saw the messages, photos exchanged of themselves naked and videos of them fucking, the messages they sent to each other were dirty, disgusting even.

I quickly closed the phone and set it down, turning on the lamp and shaking Jack awake, confronting him. He tried to deny it but of course the proof was right there, then he gaslighting came. I just sobbed, kicking him out of the house.

I woke up the next day, it was 7pm already, my eyes red and puffy from crying all night. "I need to get out..I can't cry over that asshole" I got up, grabbing the sluttiest dress I could find and doing my makeup and hair, quickly putting some heels on before texting my friends, asking if any parties were on.

To my surprise there was, she sent the address and it was walking distance, I grabbed my keys and ran out the front door, locking it behind me. I started to walk to the house, anxiety flowing through me.

As I got to the party I rushed to the alcohol section, finding any drink I could get my hands on, needing to drown my sadness. I settled on a bottle of vodka, snatching it and walking over to an empty couch, chugging it, the clear liquid burning my throat.

I started to cry again, the images of the texts flashing in my head again. I continued to sip at the vodka, nearly halfway done. "Jesus christ Y/N.." I heard a familiar voice, my head shot up and eyes widened as I saw Tom standing there, a concerned look on his face.

"Fuck..you can't see me like this.." I groaned, he sat down, rubbing a hand on my thigh, "what happened?" he sighed heavily, I could tell he was still mad at me but he cared, he always did.

"Jack cheated on me.." I choked out a sob, tears gushing down my face, drenching my dress. He pulled me close, running a hand through my hair, "I told you he was an idiot but you refused to listen" he grunted.

"Now I'm fucking single..I kicked him out" I slurred my words, a small smile plastered on his face but soon faded. "Let's get you somewhere quiet and stop with the alcohol, hm?" he smiled softly, I nodded and held onto him and he guided me to an empty bedroom.

Once we arrived he patted his lap, "cmon liebe" I rushed over to him, sitting on his lap and wrapping my legs around his waist, burying my face into his neck.

"I know what can cheer you up.." he whispered softly in my ear, his hand trailing down to my ass, rubbing it softly. I pulled back and looked at him, biting my lip, "really?" "yes really, lay back on the bed schatz.." he grinned, pushing me onto the bed.

I watched as he slithered between my legs, fingers tracing over my curves softly, one hand reaching up my dress and pulling my panties off. "Be a good girl, ok?" he said sternly "fine.." I giggled, hiking my dress up.

"Fuck..missed this pussy" he groaned, palming his cock. I reached out and grabbed his face, pulling it down and pressing my lips against his, he smirked against my lips, pulling his pants off with one hand.

He deepened the kiss as he slid his boxers off, one hand caressing my hips. "Let me fuck you baby.." he murmered, pulling away and looking into my eyes, I looked down at his cock, it was throbbing, desperate for any kind of attention.

I smirked and spread my legs, he grabbed onto my hips, slowly pushing in and stretching me out for the first time in a while, Jack wasn't nearly as big as Tom, I knew I had to get used to his cock again.

"Ah!" I cried out, holding onto his biceps as he bottomed himself out, filling me up. "Fuckkk.." he groaned "you're so fucking tight, was Jack ever this deep in you?" he smirked, a hand coming to the back of my head and pulling my hair roughly.

"No.." I whimpered, he chuckled and started to slam himself into me, pounding at my hole relentlesly. "That's right, he'll never fuck you like I do" he growled, nails digging into my hips harshly.

I moaned loudly as his tip rammed into my g spot, intense waves of pleasure crashing throughout my body, "holy fuck!" I cried out, tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to come out.

"So fucking good.." he groaned, throwing his head back as his cock constantly dissapeared in my cunt, squelching noises coming from my pussy as his length pounded into it.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room, the music too loud for anyone else to hear our lovemaking session. I felt a knot form in my stomach, the burning in my heat becoming more prominent, my orgasm dangerously close.

He smirked, feeling my pussy softly clench on his cock, his length starting to twitch inside me, "gonna cum baby.." he moaned, rubbing rough circles on my clit, trying to get me to cum with him.

I whimpered and came on his cock, my orgasm washing over me. As soon as my pussy clenched harder on him he came, squirting his load into me, coating my walls completely.

"Oh my god.." he sighed, falling back onto the bed and trying to catch his breath. I rolled over to climbed on top of his chest, putting his cock back in me, "round 2?" I grinned, he chuckles "how could I say no"

tags: @itsmealaiah @itsangelll @tomkaulitzloverr @ge-billsgf @ballhair @charliesgoodboy @estxkios @bkaulitzlover

[munsonsreputation]

HITS DIFFERENT ('CAUSE IT'S YOU)

steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: [7.6K]

warnings: warnings: no use of y/n, exes to lovers, cursing (plenty), angsty, mentions of alcohol and reader throwing up, reader and steve arguing (just a bit), angst mixed in with humor (my personal fave), reader crying (she does a lot), mis communication, uses of a home phone and answering machine, stupid idiots confessing their love &lt;3

summary: you never would have thought that steve harrington could ever break your heart...after all, he was all that you wanted. however, after a sudden breakup you find yourself struggling to move on from him. moving on was always easy for you to do, but you just don't understand why you can't get over steve. after a night out with nancy and robin you question if love really is a thing or if it's just a complete lie.

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

The most grueling three hundred and sixty-six hours of your life, and here you were sat at the bar with your best friends on either side of you. The two of them buying you drinks and talking shit about your ex-boyfriend to try to make you feel a little better.

But in all fairness, it’s the best you felt in those two weeks, so you’d take a night full of shots and half-drunk euphoria over one full of tears and sadness in bed.

“Another round?” The bartender glided over with a smile on his unshaven face as he compiled the shot glasses on a plate.

You swung your head, cringing as you bit down on the lime slice to chase the vodka burning your throat. The three of you were on a roll, drinking ever since you entered the club without a care for stopping.

Nancy hiccuped in, looking between you and Robin, knowing you should cool it on the drinking, “M-maybe some water?” she requested as the two of you nodded in agreement.

He laughed freely at all three of you girls’ halt on shots. “Coming right up,” he spun around, grabbing a few waters and clean glasses.

Robin turned her eyes towards you, her fist lazily reinforcing her head as she could feel the alcohol slowing hitting her, “Are ya having fun?”

“Hmmm…” You pretended to think for a moment before putting on your best smile, “’course I am, you know I always have fun with you two.”

Robin and Nancy shot a concerning look at each other while you were distracted by the water pushed towards you, downing the glass.

They knew things weren’t easy for you, at least right now. They had spent the last few days trying to convince you to go out and try to have fun in hopes of helping you get over the untimely breakup. After spending the first week locked up in your apartment, wallowing, they had tried to get you to come out and get some much needed girl’s time.

And for a minute they thought that they had cracked you, getting you to tag along at the beach, but unfortunately the experience just made you feel worse about yourself. Seeing too many happy couples splashing in the water or writing each other’s initials in the sand around a big heart—you were totally broken hearted.

Nancy and Robin had to practically drag you back to your apartment, a sobbing mess. What they didn’t know was that the last date that you and Steve went on was to that exact beach. Memories of you and him running barefoot across the sand and splashing each other with the salty ocean water.

Thankfully, you had gotten your shit together, or at least tried to for tonight. You were grateful to have friends who were so committed to making sure you were ok in times like these. But they could also see through the facade. You hadn’t mentioned his name all night. The first in the last couple of days where all you could think and talk about was him.

“I know, but you can also talk to us about anything you’re feeling,” Nancy started, her hands coming up to warmly caress your shoulder, “We’re always gonna be here for you.”

You inhaled, eyes glittering with a sheen of salty liquid and a genuine smile creeping onto your face as you threw your arms around her neck and pulled her into a hug. You could hear the muffled laughter of Robin’s voice behind you through the music, feeling her wrap her arms around the two of you and join in on the hug.

“I love you guys.” You murmured, feeling their smile and giggle on your skin, reciting it back to you before they stretched away.

Again, the bartender stood behind the bar, arms crisscrossed over his rib cage as he rose his brows towards you, “So what did he do? Cheat or ghost you?”

Your eyes squinted at him, evidently taken aback by his intrusion as you set your glass down, “W-what?”

He snickered inwardly, leaning closer to the bar, nearly face to face with you before you scooched back, “No group of girls just comes to a club on a Friday night crying for no reason, y’know?”

The bartender tried to be silly, laughing at himself and towards you and your friends like you’d even give him a giggle. Instead, you wanted to reach over the table and give him a piece of your mind. That yeah, maybe you were here sitting at a bar crying over Steve Harrington, but Steve would never cheat or ghost you.

Never.

But before you could even begin explaining that to him, Nancy cut in. Both of her palms resting on the surface as she pushed herself forward, face to face with the man, staring him down and watching him cower.

“Look it’s none of your business. We’re here to have a good time, not to explain ourselves to an eavesdropper.” Her voice spiked with firmness, standing her ground while the bartender smirked, holding his hands up in defense, and backed away.

You felt a squeeze on your shoulder coming from Robin who gave you an encouraging smile, but you could tell that beneath that she was worried for you. Most times you wouldn’t hesitate to put someone like him in his place for being so invasive, but these days it just felt like you didn’t have the energy for anything, let alone picking fights with strangers.

Nancy settled back comfortably into her chair and you mouthed a “thank you” towards her, and all she did was shake her head and give you those comforting eyes that let you know that she would’ve done it either way for you.

You didn’t want to feel like you needed to defend yourself, but part of you wished that you didn’t have to be here in the first place. That if Steve didn’t break your heart, you’d just be with him and the rest of your friends back at your apartment watching a shit-load of movies until you fell asleep.

But instead you were here, moping and trying to numb away your pain with drinks, like a goddamn rom-com. Except your prince charming wasn’t going to waltz in any minute and beg for your forgiveness.

You wished you could’ve just spent your night forgetting this interaction with that stupid bartender even happened, but as swiftly as the privacy came, it died once again with him invading your personal bubble.

A tray of freshly poured shots slid its way towards you, along with the cough of the man who gained your attention. “The shots are on the house and it’s my bad…I didn’t mean to make you girls angry.”

You took a deep breath, shoulders dropping heavily, only reaching for a glass and toasting it up to him, “It’s whatever…no hard feelings, dude.”

With that you chugged the alcohol, not bothering to even chase it with lime or salt, like you had been doing all night. Nancy and Robin did the same, mumbling a “thank you” to the man and taking their own shot.

He should’ve left it at that, but of course just like any other man, they always had to go and ruin it.

“Buuut…” his tone condescending with just that one word alone, “love is a complete and utter lie anyway so try not to think so hard about it.”

His lips twisted up in a smirk as if he had just played you, but you were really just not having any of it anymore. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol beginning to really kick in and give you an edge or if you were really just ticked off, but you didn’t think twice before reaching for Nancy’s half-full cup of water and chucking the rest of it at the man.

“You’re such an asshole!” You slurred noisily followed by the gasps of the other bystanders who watched it unfold.

“Oh, my god!” Robin shrieked, clamping a hand over her mouth as she watched the man completely lose his shit over some water.

It all happened so fast, and you really were about to go across the bar and throw every single drink at this man just so you could release all this pent up sadness and frustration, but something stopped you. That familiar tune beginning to play over the speakers. That song that was Steve’s favorite blaring in your ears and it just made you want to cry.

You never would have thought you’d ever throw a drink into any person’s face. Never ever. Sure, you’d fantasize about it, and wish you could to ever rude person you met.

But you never did…not until tonight.

You don’t know what overcame you, but it all just felt so wrong.

Nancy quickly helped you up out of the barstool, while Robin exhanged a few curse words and thrown middle fingers at the man before following you two outside of the club before you would have been escorted out by security.

You couldn’t control the sobs that were leaving your mouth and tears slipping down your cheeks. This isn’t what you wanted at all, and this wasn’t how the night was supposed to play out.

You had it all planned out in your head.

You three would just spend the night drinking your worries away and dancing to overplayed club music until your feet hurt and you would have to hail a cab barefoot down the street.

But of course, nothing was ever how it was supposed to be.

“Here, let’s sit,” Nancy suggested, wandering a few blocks away from the place and helping you sit down on the curb.

“Oh honey,” Robin murmured, coming to the other side of you and wrapping her arms across your shoulders, “Don’t listen to that prick. He has no idea what he’s talking about!”

Nancy ran her palms up and down your arms, trying to warm you up from the chilly night air, “Mhm! He’s probably just angry because he’s never been in love before.”

With your breath uneasy, you lifted your face from your hands, revealing the mascara smeared cheeks where the salty tears continued to pour.

“Love isn’t a lie! It can’t be…”

You looked at them in disbelief like this breakup was so catastrophic…because it was and it was painting you blue. The kind of messy and discolored shades of every blue fusing together and turning your soul into grey goop.

You were a mess.

Nance gulped, not really sure of what to say because your emotions had never got this bad. Back in the first week of the breakup, she and Robin would hold you while you cried and told them how lonely you were, but this was something different.

“A—and no one is saying it’s a lie! Love isn’t a lie, hun.” She told you, stroking your hair back from where it was sticking to your wet cheeks.

You couldn’t help collapsing into Nancy’s lap, hiding your face and hands on top of her where you wept violently. She felt the strings tugging on her heart, watching you break down, rubbing circles on your back to try to get you to calm down.

Her eyes narrowing towards Robin and mouthing, “say something to make her feel better!”

Robin wasn’t so good with these emotions, either. Smacking her hand on top of her forehead and opening her mouth to try to form words, but she struggled a bit, but not before Nancy smacked her leg lightly, begging her to say something quick.

“Y-you know…ummm love isn’t a complete lie…it’s just that ummm, you know sometimes things just don’t work out, but when you meet someone and it feels right, you just know…you know that it’s love.”

You rocked your head in your hands, your heart being pulled in a million different directions, yet still falling apart because you knew that you only ever had that feeling with Steve. He was the person who felt right. And you feared that it was always going to be him.

Nancy and Robin continued rubbing reassuring circles on your back, and you even felt the warmth of a Robin’s jacket being draped across body. There was no good reason as to why your two best friends should be doing this right now. And you probably wouldn’t have blamed them if they had just left you here to fend for yourself because you were a total mess and you really felt like your sadness was contagious—infecting them and ruining their night.

They had their own significant others, Jonathan and Vicky, who probably would have given them a better night than tonight. At least, they had people coming home to them, probably thinking about what they were up to, maybe something fun and looking forward to receiving one of those drunk calls asking them to come and pick them up. But no, they were here, already sobered up and comforting their heartbroken wreck of a friend.

“B-but what if it’s really a lie?” You hiccuped quietly, withdrawing your head from Nancy’s lap, and struggling to swipe away at the never ending puddle of tears.

Robin adjusted her jacket over your shoulders, hugging you firmly and Nance doing the same on the opposite side.

“Don’t think like that, babe…you know you’re a total romantic.” Robin replied

You sniffled, glancing over at her with a crushed presence, “I don’t know a-anymore, maybe love just isn’t meant for me,”

“No, no, no, don’t say that.” Nancy scolds gently, moving to hold on to your hand where you take a shaky breath and look up at the sky.

You wished that there was a shooting star, just so you could make a wish and rewind time. You were so pathetically drunk yet sober off your ass and feelings right now.

“It’s true! Maybe Steve will find a new girlfriend who will give him the world and take my place and love him the way that I—”

You swallowed thickly, not even wanting to finish that sentence because it made you so sick. Your senses were just filled with all things Steve and even when you closed your eyes to try to forget about it, all you could visualize was Steve laughing and kissing another girl who wasn’t you.

It was your deepest fears coming true in the bounds of your imagination, yet maybe it was true. Maybe Steve already found someone else who was better than you, the girl who you could never be. Maybe he was already moved on, meanwhile you were letting him make a mess and a fool out of you.

It made you sick.

The lump in your larynx rose despite your attempts to swallow it, and out of nowhere your hands forced outwards, shoving Robin and Nancy away, while you jerked forward and threw up on the street.

“Oh, Jesus.” Nancy sighed, hastily rising up and backing away to give you a minute.

Meanwhile, Robin clenched one hand over her mouth, while the other gathered your hair and held it back for you.

“Yup, just let it all out.” She mumbled, grimacing as you continued to do so.

Nance searched around, catching a payphone a short walk away, “I’m gonna call her a ride and try to find her some water.”

“Be quick, please.” Robin hailed out before she jogged off to the payphone.

She really didn’t know who to call, and for a second she contemplated Steve, but after everything that had happened tonight, she didn’t want to put you in a situation that you quite literally weren’t ready for.

Jonathan would have been an option, but she knew her boyfriend and at this hour he was probably dead asleep and would not wake up.

Then there was Vicky, which would have been a great option, however she still didn’t have her license and the last thing they needed was for her to get pulled over for not having one.

So she dialed the numbers, hoping that the person would be up and willing to come into town to pick you up.

“C’mon, c’mon, please, pick up.” She tapped her foot impatiently and the phone continued to ring, for a moment she was about to lose all her hope and hang up.

But thankfully, he picked up, “Munson residence, what can I do for you at this hour?”

Nance could practically feel the smirk on his face once he answer, “Eddie, you need to get your ass down here before she quiet literally drops down drunk on the side of the road.”

There was a heavy sigh before she heard some shuffling in the background, “I’ll be right there.”

How Nancy got a bottle of water from the same bartender that you threw a glass of water at was kinda funny, but nevertheless you were thankful. You were half drunk, drowsy, propping your head on Robin’s shoulder while Nance occasionally prompted you to drink some more water, trying to get you to sober up quickly. But what you really needed was an aspirin and your bed.

Thankfully, after what felt like the longest twenty minutes of your life, you could hear the sighs of reliefs coming from Robin and Nancy as they followed the white van coming closer down the street.

“C’mon, hun, time to get up,” Robin declared, wrapping one of your arms across her shoulder and Nancy did the same, trying to get you up on your feet without you flopping down.

“What the fuck!” Eddie hollered out the passenger window, hitting the brakes and placing the van in park before getting out.

You heard him, more than saw him, due to the fact that you were still buzzed, but could barely raise your head to meet his eyes. Instead, just seeing a distorted view of his converse that he always wore.

“Now’s not the time for a tangent, Edward—fuck!” Nancy winced, struggling to keep you up.

“Jesus Christ, just give her to me,” Eddie sputtered, drawing your full weight and essentially lugging you to the passenger side of the van where Robin opened the door wide.

He turned to the two girls, looking at them seriously, “Before she goes in, did she already throw up?”

Nancy nodded, pointing to the side of the road where your barf still stayed in a pile that made everyone want to gag, “Like everything in her system.”

“Okay, I’ll get her home safe and make sure she calls you before she heads to bed,” He told them and they nodded, watching Eddie gingerly place you in the passenger seat and buckle you in.

“Feel better, babe, we’ll talk to you in a bit.” Nancy exhaled, giving your thigh a pat while Robin opted for a kiss on the forehead before shutting your door quietly.

You could only barely hear the conversation that the two girls and Eddie were having outside. Their voices a subdued murmur, not wanting to disturb your journey to sleep, but also not wanting you to hear them explain the situation that had happened that lead up to this. But you really paid them no mind, just resting your head back against the cushion and listening to the low music that played.

It was only a few more minutes before Eddie finally got into the driver’s seat, glancing over at you. “Ready to go?”

“Hmmm.” You uttered, keeping your eyes tight and feeling the van begin to move.

You weren’t really sure where things stood between you and Eddie, considering the fact that he was closer to Steve and even let him crash at his trailer after you two had broken up and you kept the apartment. You weren’t even sure if Eddie liked you all that much. After all this time dating Steve, he was one of the friends that was hard to read.

Sometimes he’d be super friendly and other times he’d be a little closed off. It just depended on the day, but you had a feeling that you were the last person that Eddie wanted to see tonight.

“I’m sorry for making you drive all the way down here for me…I-I should’ve just told them to call me a cab—”

He grunted, swaying his head and peeping over at you shortly, “And what if that cab driver was a creep? Just—just consider it a favor and let it be done.”

“D-do you hate me or something?” You opened your eyes, looking at him blankly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you dated my best friend since like forever…I can’t hate you.” He chuckled to himself, but still you didn’t seem convinced.

“But we’re broken up now, so technically you can hate me.” You responded, pushing yourself to sit up rather than slouch.

He looked over at you, perhaps thinking you were about to yack again, but you just looked at him, waiting for a response.

“Look,” He sighed heavily, “You made Steve really happy, the happiest I’ve ever fuckin’ seen him in our whole friendship. There isn’t a goddamn reason for me to hate you for doing that. If anything, I owe you because him being that happy made him a better friend, alright. So stop thinking that I hate you, because I don’t.”

You were a little shocked to be honest, because Eddie never really got deep when it came to you. So maybe Eddie really didn’t hate you. That at least made you feel a little better.

When you didn’t respond, Eddie spoke again, hoping that you would at least say something for the rest of the drive.

“You know, Steve isn’t doing so well, either. He’s still crashing at my place and when I got the call from Nance tonight, I contemplated telling him it was about you, but…I don’t think right now either of you are ready to talk at three in the morning.” He snickered, smiling a bit when he saw you scorn jokingly and brush back your hair.

“And so, what did you tell him?” You marveled out loud, turning your eyes to the road, “That you had to deliver some weed?”

“Maybe, something like that.” He shrugged feeling so predicable.

Eddie honestly didn’t know what to make of this whole situation. A part of him feeling a little bad for not telling his best friend that his ex-girlfriend was totally wasted and needed a way home. But he also understood that you were really vulnerable right now and to tell Steve would blow the whole situation out of proportion and probably would’ve made everything between the two of you even worse.

If there was any hope for reconsolidation, it would be best for the two of you two meet when you weren’t wasted and the other worried out of their mind about your wellbeing.

The drive to your apartment wasn’t long or as awkward as you thought it was going to be. It was actually quite comfortable. Eddie made jokes every once in a while when you got too quiet, wondering if you were about to throw up and that he would never forgive you if you threw up in his van.

“Home sweet home.” Eddie announced, guiding you into your place and shutting the door behind you.

You flickered the lights on, cursing at the sudden brightness that only made your head hurt even more than it already was. Eddie looked around that the space and a lot of the areas were bare after Steve had packed up his things with him. It wasn’t a complete mess, but there were boxes of tissues scattered around the coffee table and kitchen area. And there seemed to be more wine bottles behind the kitchen—your way of coping.

“I’m gonna get out of these clothes. Just grab anything you want to eat or drink if you’re hungry.” You waved off, stumbling towards your bedroom to grab a fresh pair of clothes to change into.

Again, with your energy so depleted you just didn’t have it in you to take the time to shower, so instead you opted for a makeup wipe, brushing your teeth, and changing into sweats.

“Here she is.” Eddie spoke with a half full mouth of cereal, passing the phone to you once you came back out to the living room.

You rubbed at your eyes, yawning loudly, as you placed the phone beside your ear, “H-hello?”

“Hey hun, you feeling a little better?” It was Robin on the other line.

“Just a little, gonna take an aspirin and head to bed…and look, I’m sorry for—”

“Nope!” She cut you off quickly, “don’t apologize, sometimes it happens, but I’m just glad that we were there to make sure you got home safe.”

You nodded, drawing a deep breath, “Yeah, thanks for that too.”

Robin could sense the tiredness in your voice and knew it was time you head to bed.

“Get some rest and I’ll call you tomorrow ok? I love you, sugar!”

You laughed faintly at the kissy noises she made, “Love you too, Robs.”

When you hung up the phone, your eyes followed the ruckus taking place in the storage closet beside the kitchen. You got up, seeing as though Eddie has pulled from the bottom layer of your paper towel tower and caused a few to come plummeting down.

“Sorry, you were all out of some in the kitchen.” Eddie apologized while you bent down, helping him pick up a few rolls and stack them back up.

But something peeking out behind the stack caught your eyes, a dark blue piece of fabric that had been wedged behind it. You rose your brows, tugging at the garment until it came out into view and just like that you wanted to cry all over again.

It was the stupid blue bucket hat that Steve had been wearing on your last date at the beach.

You couldn’t remember why it was there to begin with, but it was just like another memory of him seeping back into your life. You had thought that he packed away everything, all his clothes, his little trinkets—leaving no trace of himself behind, yet this stupid hat was still here.

“A-are you ok?” Eddie asked slowly, watching your eyes being to water, and you went stoic.

You sniffled, shaking your head, and rolling your eyes at yourself for being so dramatic. “It’s the hat that Steve wore on our last date.”

“Oh…umm, I’m sorry.” He said, cursing at himself for being so clumsy and causing you to find it.

You shook your head, lips sealed closely as you tried to breathe through your tears, “No, it’s fine, I just thought he took everything with him and now it’s just like, right in my face and it sucks.”

“I-I can give it back to him if you want?” Eddie offered, holding his hands out ready for you to want it as far away as possible, but you didn’t hand it over.

Instead, you wiped away your tears, shaking your head again while you examined it, “I’ll keep it…you know, for memory and whatnot.”

He didn’t question for how weird that must sound, but instead reached forward and wrapped his arms around you, giving you a hug. One that he knew you probably needed. The one that he rarely gave you when you two were friends. If this breakup was hard for Steve, it was even harder for you, and just by the looks of it, he could tell that was true.

“You rest up and feel better tomorrow, alright?” He said, pulling away from the hug and looking at you through your teary eyes.

Your lip quivered, trying to control the sobbing from happening because you knew Eddie couldn’t be of comfort like Nancy and Robin. He told you goodnight, before giving you one last hug and letting himself out. It felt lonelier than usual, locking up the place and heading to your bedroom where you couldn’t even find it in yourself to sleep on Steve’s side of the bed.

You always stayed on your side, wishing that he was there to fill that empty space. To just hold you tight and tell you that everything was going to be fine.

And so maybe his side of the bed was still empty, but you still had a small piece of him there with you. With that, you clutched that stupid hat close to your chest while you faced towards his side of the bed. Tears still slipping and being soaked up by your blankets as you cried yourself to sleep.

Sleep seemed to be the only place where you’d find an ounce of peace, but only for a little, because as soon as a dream would begin, it would only end in a nightmare that woke you up. It was no different, except for the fact that this time you dreamed of that beach, the one where you and Steve walked hand in hand, telling each other anything.

It felt so real, seeing him there and feeling his hand against yours. His laughter was still contagious, just as much as his smile was. Then, like that…he just disappeared, like he had been swept away in the current.

You were left on that beach all alone, feeling the warmth of the sun piercing through your skin like a death by a thousand cuts and the sand beneath your feet burning you with each lonely step you took.

“Fuck,”

Groaning, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Hair disheveled, eyes swollen with bags under them, and you totally looking like you just had the life sucked out of you from the night before. You knew that it wasn’t acceptable even if you were so heartbroken. You spat out the mouthwash and immediately got into the hot shower, trying to scrub off any memories of last night and let it go down the drain.

You pulled on some fresh clothes, hoping that a little bit of self-care would make you feel better and tackle on the rest of the day, despite you waking up at nearly noon, but the effort was what mattered.

Walking into the living room, you passed the home phone, noticing the alarming amount of red numbers flashing, indicating you had some messages that Robin and Nancy probably left after calling you all morning. And you were right, more than half were from Robin and Nancy, calling and checking in, telling you to call them as soon as you got the message, and if you didn’t that they’d be stopping by to check on you.

You pressed play on the next message, already assuming it was one of them, but it wasn’t.

“Hey, sorry, I know you’re probably still asleep and you have a massive hangover, but I might have accidentally told Steve about what happened last night and now he’s—”

“Fuck!”

Your eyes enlarged at Eddie’s message and you immediately picked up the phone, dialing his number and hoping you could get him to retract that statement he passed on to Steve because you really didn’t want him to know you were crying over him last night.

One. Two. Thee. Four. Five rings and still he didn’t pick up.

He was probably telling Steve everything about last night and how reckless you were. Throwing a drink in a stranger’s face? Throwing up on the side of the road? Being so wasted you couldn’t even lift yourself off the ground? And for godsake, sobbing over that stupid hat?

You were totally done for.

Sitting on the couch with your face in your hands, you were in disbelief.

How could Eddie just go and spill about what had happened?

You thought he was your friend?

Maybe that was just all a part of his plan?

What if Eddie only accepted giving you a ride home so he could tell Steve about how you were handling the breakup, only for him to make fun of you for how stupid you’ve been acting?

“God, I am such an idiot!” You shouted at yourself, shaking your head in your hands, before hearing the familiar key turn in the door.

It was obvious Nancy or Robin with their spare key you gave them. It had been hours since they left the message and they were here to check on you. Thank god they were because you felt like you were going insane and you didn’t know if you could do it alone.

The high-pitched squeak that came from the knob turning prepared you for your friends who would probably bombard you with questions before you got to tell them anything. You were ready for it, hearing their shouts of, “why didn’t you call?” or “we were worried sick!” but you didn’t hear that.

Instead, you heard the familiar footsteps of the person you could never mistake. He always had a way of walking, especially when he tried to tiptoe because he didn’t want to wake you up. The floorboards creaked a little, and you heard a hiss and then you turned your head.

It was Steve.

You stood up, hands glued to your side where you stared at him, not knowing what to say or how to feel. He looked like he felt the same, standing there and looking around in order to avoid the prolonged eye contact you knew he couldn’t hold.

“What are you doing here?”

You tightened your lips, staying still with your arms crossing behind your back. You pinched and pulled at your fingers trying to get yourself to stabilize your heartbeat that felt like it was pounding out your chest.

Steve stuttered for a bit, really contemplating if he should have knocked instead of using his key, but he was worried out of his mind and thought that you were passed out in the bathroom choking on your own vomit. But obviously he was wrong and now he looked like a total creep, breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s apartment.

You rocked your head at him somewhat, prompting a response that came faster than he could formulate the words in his head.

“I, uhh, I didn’t mean to break in but, Eddie told me what happened—” He paused, squinting his eyes at himself, as he backtracked, “well, actually he didn’t really tell me, I forced him to tell me or else I would have flushed the rest of his stash because I knew he was lying.”

This son of a bitch.

Steve shook his head, cursing at himself for getting carried away, “Anyway…he told me, and I just wanted to come here and check on you because you never really get wasted like that, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Your jaw clenched in a way to try to block the tears from sliding, because if you didn’t have the strength it in you, you would’ve sunk down onto the floor, breaking down and telling him that you were in fact not fine at all.

“I’m fine…can we just pretend like this didn’t happen?” You spoke under your breath, stepping away and trying to pick up random things lying around in order to avoid looking at him any longer.

He sighed, kicking off his shoes, and faltered behind you. “Why are you being like this?”

You rolled your eyes, brushing past him and throwing away the stray wrappers into the trash bin, “Like what?” you countered, still not meeting his views.

“Avoidant and stuff. You just keep acting like you want nothing to do with me.” He huffed, bending down to meet your stance.

Now that ticked you off and made you snap your head back towards him, eyes shooting daggers at his boldness.

“If I remember correctly, you’re the one who wanted nothing to do with me and packed up your things and left.” Your voice dripping with a mix of resentment and hurt as you brushed past him harshly and made your way back into the living room.

His mouth opened in an “o” not knowing how to respond to that, because he really did do what you said, but it wasn’t what he meant.

“J-just let me explain myself alright, I swear that was the last thing I wanted to do—”

You let out a sarcastic laugh, biting your tongue. “Yeah, sure, I guess everyone just breaks up with their significant other for no reason.”

He threw himself down onto the couch, tugging at his hair, “There was a reason, alright! I was scared…terrified that you wanted more in life but didn’t know how to tell me and I was just holding you back.”

That was the first time you had ever heard this explanation. For the past two weeks, the only thing that kept replaying in your mind was Steve sitting you down in this very living room and telling you he wasn’t sure if it was working out anymore and wanted you to venture out into the world. That was it. No other deeper explanation or closure, just those words, and the scene of you frozen on the couch with tears in your eyes as you watched him pack and leave.

Right now, you were frozen in front of him, standing with your arms crossed and tapping your foot against the wooden floors, not knowing what to say.

He was the one who spoke, letting up on his hair and resting his hands on his knees instead, “And, you know, I’m not doing too well either, I still think of you and worry about what you’re doing and if you’re—”

You turned your nose up, voicing cracking as you cut him off, “And all I do is cry every day and I don’t understand why…why I can’t just pick up the pieces that you left here and move on.”

Steve knew you like the back of his hand, and that familiar croak in your throat let him know that you were only seconds away from crying, but still he didn’t stop you. He knew that there was so much that you needed to say and after the way that he had left, it was only right he sat here and listen to you.

“It’s…it’s like I’m just waiting for a bus that never comes—”

He furrowed his brows, “Are you using metaphors right now?”

You looked at him in disbelief, sighing as you threw your hands out in the air and nodded, “Jesus Steve, yes, I am, ok! I’m using fucking metaphors because I’m trying to tell you that I’m still in love with you and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”

He followed you, pacing the space in front of him, back and forth, with your fingers running through your hair as you spilled your guts out to him.

“I don’t get why I’m like this and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I just accept the fact that you broke up with me and move on with my life? And the funny thing is, I should be able to! I should be able to just rip the bandaid off and act like an asshole and pretend you and I never existed!” You turned to him, swallowing thickly as you laughed to yourself, hating the situation you were in right now, but you never stopped talking.

Then you looked up at the ceiling, tugging at your own roots as you continued.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake, in the 8th grade Ben Pritchett broke up with me right before winter formal and I thought that it was going to be the end of the world because I thought he was the love of my life. I thought that I was going to spend the rest of 8th grade miserable and crying my eyes out over him, but I didn’t!”

You looked at him with a hopeless smile and you could see a glint of his own, wanting to laugh at how ridiculous you sounded for comparing him to your 8th grade boyfriend.

“I moved on with my life! Just like that!” You snapped your fingers and watched him blink a bit, “But with you,” your fingers pointed and you stared at him unsure, you shrugged your shoulders, “with you I just can’t…”

The waterworks began, and you finally didn’t care about staring at him for so long. If you could, you would jump into the ocean of his eyes because of how they made you feel. That even if you were standing here ranting to him about unnecessary shit, his eyes still brought you that sense of relief that you had been dying to feel for the last two weeks.

Steve moved forward gradually, taking your hands and holding them, rubbing circles on the tops of your skin, while you closed your eyes and bit back a sob. You let him keep his hands on yours, not daring to back away or drop him because you didn’t know if this was going to be the last time, and if it was you wanted to make the moment last as long as possible.

“I—I see you everywhere…every corner of this apartment, in all the faces I see—I see you. Everything leads back to you for some reason. All of these fucking questions that I’ve been asking myself. Why can’t I get over Steve? Why is this heartbreak hitting me differently than the one I experienced when I was thirteen?”

You squeezed on his hands, opening your teary eyes to see him through the film of salt, “Because it’s you, Steve…I’m still in love with you and I can’t get over you.”

That four letter word: Love. That’s all that he needed to hear, and it’s the word that had been dying to come off your tongue again. You loved Steve with every single ounce of your being. As if he was a drug running through your veins and you needed him to survive. You needed the one person who believed in you when no one else did.

You needed Steve, but you were terrified that he didn’t need you anymore.

“You didn’t listen to my message did you?” Steve asked quietly, letting go of one of your hands and bringing them up to wipe away at the tears on your cheek.

“W-what?” You ordered dumb-founded, feeling as though Steve didn’t hear that whole monologue that you just made up out of nowhere.

He grinned lightly, withdrawing his hand from your cheek and blindlessly, reaching over to the phone and clicking the play button on the leftover messages you had left.

You felt your breathing stop when you heard his voice echoing through the staticky speakers. There was no way that Steve called you last night. You had played the messages on your machine, and all you got were messages from Nancy, Robin, and Eddie. But you also forgot that your outdated machine sorted your messages from new to old, meaning Steve must have called while you were out last night.

“Hey, it’s me….I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to pick up the phone and call, maybe it’s because I’m a little scared that you’re going to delete it once you hear my voice, but I just really have a bunch of things to say and I guess it’s better now than never right?”

You fastened a hand over your mouth, whimpering quietly into it, while you shook your head, not believing that you could have missed this. If only you had stayed home last night, you would have been there to pick up the phone and talk to him. Steve clutched your other hand still, pushing up his glasses that fell down the bridge of his nose while he watched your reaction to the rest of his message.

“I’m an idiot for the way things went down and I should have explained myself better, but you know…I suck at communication—but that’s still not the point! I made the biggest mistake of letting you go like that and just assuming that’s what you wanted because I know deep down it’s not….it’s probably the last thing you ever wanted, and it’s all my fault.”

There was a pause, him clearing his throat and sniffling as he was crying softly.

“But I’m going to make an even bigger mistake if I don’t tell you that I’m still in love with you. That yeah, I might be the dumbest guy out there for letting go of the most amazing girl, but I’m not about to lose her if there’s still a slight chance that she might still feel the same. I love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

Then he hung up the phone with a loud clank.

And as quickly as Steve had broken your heart, he soon patched it back together. There was a softness to your eyes now, like you had accepted everything. And Steve looked like he was awaiting for any sort of reaction good or bad, due to your silence.

“I-I don’t expect you to take me back that easily. I mean after all I’m an idiot but I just hope that—mph!”

You clutched his face, pressing your lips against one another, feeling like a wave of happiness washing over you the second you got to be this close to a feeling that you thought that was almost gone forever. Steve didn’t hesitate to move his lips against yours, pulling you closer to him until you were toppling on top of him, and lost in everything that was you and Steve.

“You’re an idiot..but mine.” You muttered against him, feeling his smile creeping against your skin before you laughed, kissing him again.

And again. And more times than you can count.

Relishing him and forgetting about the sadness. And sure, maybe you were equally the idiot who took him back too easily, but if there was one thing that the two of you were sure of, it was that this kiss and this love hit a little different because it would always be you two.

A/N: My first full length fic since i've been back!!! im super proud of this one and want to thank @translatemunson for giving me the idea <;3 i love you effie!!!! hits different is also one of my favorite songs and i wonder if taylor really did scrap it off the face of the internet because it's going to be in the Barbie movie--what do you guys think??? anyways, again thank you all for the outpour of support and reblogs, comments, and likes would be greatly appreciated!!! 🌃🕯💘

leave a comment and let me know if want to be added to my taglist!!

taglist: @translatemunson @kennedy-brooke @manda-panda-monium @tvserie-s-world @givemeth @steveharringtonswife @astolenkiss @loving-and-dreaming @awkotaco24

[theocddiaries]

[In a car, rushing] Knuckles: Could you stop yelling at me? I'm trying to concentrate here. Rouge: Oh, sorry, it’s just I’m a little sensitive because I got used as bait because you didn’t want to give that jerk a stupid little figurine! Knuckles: It’s not about the figurine! It’s what it represents! Rouge: Oh, nice! And what about me?! What— Watch out!!! [Knuckles crashes the car into a cake tasting stand, taking Sonic with him. Knuckles gets out of the car to check on Tails.] Knuckles: Oh, the kid! Tails, are you okay?! [hugs him]: I could never forgive myself if something happened to you! Plus, Sonic would kill me. Sonic [trying to push himself up with his elbows]: Don’t worry about that, you almost killed me yourself. Knuckles: How could I not hit you when you ran right into the car, you reckless hedgehog?! Besides, it’s Rouge’s fault, she wouldn't stop yelling at me. Rouge: You know what? Go to hell! I was tortured because of you! [Omega and Shadow approach to check on her.] Omega: WHAT? Shadow: What happened?? Knuckles: Nothing, an old childhood friend from a neighbouring tribe that ended up being enemies with mine and wanted me to return a figurine that my tribe won fair and square. And since I refused, they kidnapped your sister to make me give in. Shadow: Are you okay? Knuckles: Yeah, yeah, I don’t give in easily under pressure. Shadow: I wasn’t talking to you, idiot! Knuckles: What a temper this family has… Sonic: Excuse me, the one who got run over wants a bit of your attention… Can someone have the decency to call an ambulance?! Rouge: No, it's okay, I was just locked up inside the bathroom without my phone. It was hard, but I'll get over it. Thank you for your concern, though. [Shadow and Omega look at her, and Shadow pushes her, making a dismissive gesture] Omega: ROUGE, YOU MATCH PERFECTLY WITH THE ECHIDNA. Shadow: Yes, because you're just as dumb when you want to be. You scared me. Rouge: Haha! You care about me! In the end, this was worth it. Knuckles: You're welcome. Sonic: For the love of… Robotnik [approaches]: Hey, Sonic, how’s it going? Tell me something. Sonic: I think I’ve broken— Robotnik: No, man, about my cake! I win, right??? Sonic: …Look, Eggman, I’ll say this in one simple sentence: go screw yourself, your cake, and this stupid contest! Robotnik: What?? I spent the whole day sabotaging the others to—?? Amy: Sabotage??? Robotnik: …Who said sabotage here? Omega: TRUE. THE CORRECT WORD WAS SABOTAGING. Robotnik: Shut up, piece of trash! Amy: Seriously, it’s impossible to do anything in here, you mess things up even when we’re on the same page!!!! Robotnik: And if you know how I am, why invite me!? This is as much my fault as it is yours!!! [Sonic stands up with Tails’ help.] Knuckles: Damn, Sonic, you can run really well, but you still don’t know how to walk? Sonic: …Look, Knuckles, I’m not kicking you because you broke my leg. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m limping my way to the hospital. Amy [goes to support him by his free arm]: You’re right, Sonic, I’m sorry. [to the group]: Selfish!!!! Robotnik: Selfish, she says… Tell me, who’s gonna return my ten minutes watching baking tutorials??? [to Knuckles]: All because of you, idiot. How did it occur to you to drive a car when you can barely breathe and walk at the same time! Knuckles: Oh, here we go! It’s all my fault! Now it turns out I’m driving a car without a license and I run over a hedgehog and a dozen cakes, and suddenly I’m irresponsible…

[kiyosamu]

Dewy grass & cigarettes.

———♡———

Pairing: Rintaro Suna x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort. Past arguments & resolving them. Long term friendship, playful banter.

Synopsis: Suna finds you partying right after the two of you just had a friendship ending argument.

———♡———

The music booms through the house, vibrating against the wall behind you. You close your eyes and focus on each beat. It’s almost like it lines up with your heartbeat, and you feel it through your body. You grin to yourself, leaning back into the wall and sighing.

“You good?” Suna’s voice startles you and you glare at him with a bloodshot gaze.

“Clearly not.” Suna scoffs, crouching lower and looking into your eyes. “You’re fucked up on something. What’d you take?”

“None of your business.” You mumble, shooing him away. It really wasn’t any of his business. You’d pretty much parted ways in every fashion a few days prior. He had no right to express any concern over your actions anymore.

“Why? Because I told you the truth?” He rolls his eyes and you can practically feel the cruel condescension in his tone. “Get over it.”

“Why are you coming up to me just to be rude?” You look away, but his hand gently takes your chin, turning you back to face him.

“If honesty is rude, so be it.” Suna’s stern expression remains as he continues. “Why are you even here? This party is moronic and packed full of complete idiots.”

“So you think I’m a moronic idiot?” You ask and cross your arms.

“Well, yeah. Everyone here is.”

Your blood starts to boil and all maturity flies out the window. “Yet here you are. So you’re an idiot too.”

“Mm, fair point. Though, if I hadn't come, you'd probably be partying your life away and not even have thought about me or how to fix our broken friendship.” Suna responds with an irritating amount of maturity in his tone.

“And how can I do that, hm? You pretty much told me to get lost, so why would I be moping around alone when I can find new friends?” You start to yell - and whether it’s the drugs, your feelings, or the smoke in the air, your eyes are starting to water.

“Let me remind you, then. I asked you not to tell me all of your problems because I'm not capable of handling your emotional burden. I'm not your therapist, and I couldn’t be if I tried. I'm your friend. Yet you still try to tell me everything.” Suna sighs, looking away for a moment. “I know, you have no one else. And neither do I, so I put up with it. But you're getting mad at me for caring too much for you, and then get mad when I don't care enough. Make up your damn mind.”

Says the guy who was constantly begging for you to tell him what’s wrong, even though you insisted that you were okay.

“Fuck off, Rin.” You mutter.

“That’s it?” Suna laughs, “I say one thing that upsets you and I just get ‘fuck off, Rintaro’ in response? Typical you.”

You start to turn around and walk away.

“You're acting like a petulant child. You've been doing shit like this to me so much that I'm not even surprised anymore.” Suna continues with his brutal honesty, yet follows you as you walk outside.

A few minutes after you’ve cooled off, you lay back in the dewy midnight grass. The sounds of the house party fade in the back of your mind as you try to find the headspace you were in before such a rude interruption.

“Hey.” The grass squishes down next to you as you feel a familiar presence sit his rude ass down. “Look. I'm sorry. I went a bit too far. I get frustrated, though, when you just blow up at me when I try to help you with your problems. I still want to care for you and make sure you're doing fine. Is that wrong?”

“You are so fucking confusing. You want me to tell you my problems, then when I do, you get all weird and say that you’re not my therapist and don’t want to absorb my emotional trauma or whatever.” You groan, “Which is it?!”

“I don’t know. I said I’m sorry, okay? We’re both a bit fucked up, I guess. I want to help you. And then when you tell me what’s up, it reminds me of some of my own shit and then I realize I can’t really handle it all at once.” Suna runs his hand through his hair, “Does that make sense?”

“No. But you are right. We are both fucked up.” You sigh, “Me, especially. I don’t know what I even took tonight but I’m high as shit.”

Suna snorts with laughter. “Wanna go back inside?”

“Hell no.” You grin, “I kinda wanna just stay in this grass. I could fall asleep here.”

“We’re leaving, then. I’ll take you home. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna let you melt away into this nasty grass. It might feel good, but you don’t see what I’m seeing. It’s a graveyard of beer cans and cigarette butts surrounding you.” He smirks, “Probably a bunch of spiders, too.”

You jolt up at the mention of spiders and Suna helps you stand, smiling as he looks down at you.

“Why are you taking me home?” You ask as the two of you make his way to his car.

“It’s what friends do.” He raises an eyebrow, “They make sure they get home safely.”

“Oh, so we’re friends again?” You huff.

“No, I absolutely hate you.” Suna chuckles softly. “Of course we're friends, dummy. You really are fucked out of your mind if you thought otherwise.”

You get into his car and buckle up. “I’m pretty sure I thought that because I declared our friendship over after our argument. And then you called me an idiotic moron.”

“Yeah, you are an idiotic moron. You're my little idiot, though, so I'll still take care of you.” Suna smirks at you and turns his head to the road as he shifts his car into drive. “Your declaration means nothing. Our friendship will be over when I decide that, and that will never happen. So get used to me. I’m not going anywhere.”

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 26, Unsurprising - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sex trafficking, drug use, jealousy

Word Count: 890

Previously On...: You and Bucky had a good discussion about how to forgive.

A/N: "Brother?" Yeah, that's a whole different kind of fic... lol

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

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The two of you fell into an easy rhythm after that. Working together came as naturally as breathing, and you almost wished you had had the opportunity to do it long before now, before everything had gone to shit between the two of you.

Though you were feeling better, Bucky insisted you call in for that night’s shift at the Wiggle Room. “You just experienced a major trauma,” he’d told you. “Give yourself a night to heal, please.” You really couldn’t argue with that, so you called the club, putting it on speaker.

“Viggle Room,” a heavily accented voice said on the other end of the line, “vhere every viggle haz a purpose, every giggle iz magic. Ziz is Dimitri speaking.”

You stifled a laugh at the clubs heretofore unknown tagline. “Uh, hey, Dimitri; it’s Cherry.”

“Ah, little dove!” the big man bellowed across the line, “you are to be coming in soon to see Dimitri tonight, yes?”

“Uh, yeah, about that.” You nibbled nervously on the skin of your thumb. “Listen, Dimitri, I’m not going to be able to make my shift. I, uh, had a bad reaction to some pills I took last night,” you offered, hoping he would buy your fib. “Ended up having to go to the hospital.”

“Little dove, no!” Dimitri sounded genuinely concerned. “And zat durak boyfriend of yourz haz left you alone. Does little dove need Dimitri to come take care of her?” 

Oh, fuck. You’d forgotten that you’d used the excuse that you and your ‘boyfriend,’ Sam, had broken up, and that’s why he wasn’t going to be around anymore. You’d have to make sure to tell him that Dimitri thought he was an idiot.

“Um, no, Dimitri,” you said quickly, “I’m alright. My, uh…” You paused, trying to think of some excuse to keep him from trying to come over to the safehouse. “My brother’s here with me,” you finished lamely.

“‘Brother’?” Bucky mouthed with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow. You gave him a panicked look and shrugged; it was the best you could come up with on the spot.

“But thank you so much for offering, Dimitri,” you added, wanting to keep Kozlov’s right hand man on your side in case you ended up needing more from him in the future. “It’s just so sweet of you to offer. Really.”

Dimitri chuckled on the other end of the phone. “Tell no one, but little dove iz Dimitri’s favorite of all Kozlov’s girls. Only little dove iz so kind as to take time to speak to Dimitri, ask about hiz day. Little dove haz good heart. Dimitri not forget zat.”

You were momentarily at a loss for words. Sure, the man had ties to a sex trafficking operation, but you didn’t know the extent to which he was actually involved, and he had always been kind to you. It made you a little sad to think about how you’d only been manipulating him this entire time.

“Thanks, Dimitri,” you said, needing to end the call before you said something stupid. “You’re my favorite of all Kozlov’s guys, too, you know.” That wasn’t even a lie. The bar was just really, really low. 

“Ah, little dove make Dimitiri blush!” he laughed. “Now, go get rest, Dimitri will tell Kozlov little dove is sick. Oh, and little dove?” he added. “Zis iz vhy you should not be taking all Kozlov’s drugz, yes? Iz not safe.”

You assured him you’d learned your lesson about illegal substances (that was the truth, at least) and, thanking him, disconnected the call. You looked up to see Bucky scrutinizing you, an unreadable expression on his face.

“What?” you asked, moving past him to place your phone on its charger in your room.

“Nothing, little dove,” he said, mouth turning up into a smirk. “Just hadn’t realized you were… fraternizin’ with the targets, is all.”

“Stop,” you warned, turning around to face him again. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh, it’s not?” Bucky asked, and this time you noticed a hard edge to his teasing. “Tell me, little dove,” he said, giving the words every bit of the same accented inflection Dimitiri had, yet somehow making them sound so much fucking hotter, “how was dear old Dimitiri planning on taking care of you, then? He one of your twenty-eight?” 

Holy shit, you thought with some sick satisfaction and sense of pride, was he actually… jealous? A part of you wanted to play into it, see how far you could push him, get him riled up, but the part of you that had had her insides scraped out last night honestly wasn’t in the mood.

“Don’t be gross,” you said instead. “He’s decent. Honestly, the only guy in that entire damned place who’s been remotely kind to me.”

“Decent?” Bucky asked, clearly not buying your assessment of the Russian henchman.

“Yeah, well, you know,” you defended, “as decent as a guy whose boss is on the Hydra payroll probably can be. He’s never been inappropriate, or creepy. Or even stared at me too long when I danced. Not once. And he’s been on my ass about the drugs.”

“Yeah, alright,” said Bucky with a chuckle. “This Dimitri’s a saint.”

“Not a saint,” you countered. “Just, you know, not evil.”

Bucky shrugged a shoulder and waved a hand. “Semantics.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[ghostfacd]

WHEN I GET HOME, I’M GONNA BURY YOU. — LUKE HUGHES

pairing; slytherin!luke x fem!hufflepuff!reader

summary; in which luke hughes kills someone for you, but not in the way you would think

genre; fluff, teeny tiny angst but it’s not between luke & reader, hogwarts!au, “hates everybody but you” trope, blackcat bf!luke + golden retriever!gf reader

author’s note; this is the last addition to the slytherin!luke hogwarts series before yn and him graduate !! there will be so much more parts of them after hogwarts so definitely stay tuned for that ^_^ luke is a changed man yall! we love affectionate lukey <3

✸ SLYTHERIN!LUKE MASTERLIST

Luke Hughes was a very cold person, there was no doubt in that.

He liked his social circle small, and only really interacted with those who were in Slytherin or in his Quidditch team. It was definitely a shocker when the students had found out that he was dating a Hufflepuff of all people, you.

The boy sat himself down in the common room of Slytherin, his icy gaze fixed on the flickering fire in the room. You walked into the room a bit later, eyes instantly searching for Luke.

You had to go fetch your textbooks and told him to meet you there. As always, he gave a curt nod and went about his way.

"Hi Lukey," you greet him softly, taking a seat beside him. "How was your day?"

Luke glanced at you briefly, his expression unreadable.

“It was fine lovie,” he says. He glances towards his two close friends, who were also in Slytherin. They were arguing quietly, hands moving in distress.

Luke had always kept his emotions and display of affection to low in public. It’s not like he was embarrassed of you, he wasn’t, but he didn’t want people to be up in his love life. He liked to love you behind closed doors rather than openly, it was just who Luke Hughes was.

“What’s wrong with them?” You ask, concerned.

“They’re having a disagreement,” Luke watches as Mark sighs sharply, hand coming up to his hair in frustration.

“I don’t get it! Why do you always have a problem with me talking to other girls?!” Mark yells, running his fingers through his hair in a rushed manner.

“Really? You really don’t get it? Fine Mark! Do whatever you want! I don’t care!” Kielle lets out an angry huff as she marches over to where you two are sitting. Luke, being the attentive person he is, already knew what she was coming for. He handed Kielle her bag, letting the girl walk off to cool herself down.

“Idiot,” Luke says to Mark as soon as he comes down to sit next to the two of you.

You shake your hand at your boyfriend, hand coming to hold his. “Lukey, that’s mean.”

“Yeah Lukey, stop being fucking mean,”

Luke was about to jump at his best friend, already annoyed at the fact that he had made Kielle upset.

“Whoa!” Quinn appears out of nowhere, holding his younger brother back. “Guys, no fighting. We’re all friends, remember?”

He turns to look at you, “hey YN, how about you come back another time? Let these boys cool down or something,”

You nod, already feeling overwhelmed by the tension in the room. You kiss Luke on the cheek, something that he slightly flinches at, which makes your raise your eyebrows.

“Bye Lu, I’ll see you later.”

He gives you a curt nod.

When you arrive back at the Hufflepuff Common Room, you had texted Luke right away. He felt bad for letting his emotions take over him, especially right in front of you.

“I don’t even know why YN likes him,” a Slytherin who Luke had not cared enough to know the name of, whispered, “he’s just always so cold, you know? Like yeah, I guess that’s just his personality, but if I were her, I would be sick of it. I need a golden retriever boyfriend, not somebody who always looks like they’d rather be dead than be with me.”

Even though Luke has heard shit being talked about him quite literally all the time—it didn’t make it hurt any less. The last time he let his insecurities get the best of him—you two had broken up. He didn’t want that to happen, not again. He loved you far too much to lose you.

So he pivots. Right into Kielle’s dorm, which, if any Professor had saw, he would’ve gotten in massive trouble for it.

“Why are you here?” She asks. She doesn’t even have to turn around to know that it’s her best friend Luke. Nobody else would walk as quietly as he did, and nobody else would enter without knocking.

“I need help, I guess,” he mutters, letting himself fall face first into the comfort of her silk mattress.

“Alright, go on.”

“I don’t even know what to do Kiels,” Luke groans from beneath the pillow, “I just feel like I could do better for YN, you know? I mean, I literally broke things off before because I was too fucking insecure. And now, the insecurities are getting to me again. I used to not care about what people said about me, but maybe they’re right.”

“Shut up Luke,” Kielle pulls the heartbroken boy over to his side so that she could face him, “don’t you dare talk that way about yourself. Luke, you’re more than enough for YN. Sure, you’re closed off and cold but we can all tell you love her.”

“Thanks Kiels,” he sniffles, taking a sweater from her bed and placing it on himself. “Is this Mark’s sweater?”

“Yeah, I need to return it to him.” The girl sighs, “what an asshole.”

“Can you give me advice at least?”

“Okay,” Kielle sits herself next to him, placing on her own sweatshirt, “just show her you love her I guess? Girls love it when the guy they’re dating isn’t afraid to show them off. I know you don’t really like PDA but it would probably mean the world to her if you showed more affection in front of others.”

Luke nods, taking in the girl’s words fully. It was easy, he thinks. He loved you, so it wouldn’t be hard to display his affection. What was hard was doing it publicly. He rarely kissed you in public; mostly just a bit of hand holding and back hugging. That or cheek kisses.

“But if I.. do PDA.. then I’ll betray my image.” Luke sighs, “my image is very dear to me.”

“You mean the image that makes everybody shit on you?” Kielle laughs, but quickly stops when she sees Luke frustrated, “okay sorry Lu. But really, is your image dearer to you than YN?”

“No,” Luke mutters, “not dearer than YN.”

“There you have it Lu,” the girl wraps her arms around the much taller boy, pulling him in for a tight hug. “Hey, don’t work yourself up over what those dumbasses are saying about you okay? YN loves you, I can see it.”

“Thanks Kiels,” Luke says, pulling away to wrap his arms around Kielle’s shoulder. “I’ll get Mark to apologize. He’s a dick for talking to other girls. It may not look like it, but he’s obsessed with you. He’s just too dumb to realize what he’s doing.”

Kielle shrugs, getting up and going over to sit herself on her desk chair. “Yeah, that’s Estapa for you.”

- -

When Luke Hughes arrives back at his dorm, he knew exactly what he had to do. He had to change, not only for you, but for himself.

There were no more bottling up emotions, no more making you cry or upset, and most definitely no more of being a bad boyfriend.

He was going to bury his old self. It was a decision that he stood by, knowing it meant it will better the relationship for the both of you. Doing it, however, was a lot harder than he had imagined.

“Alright Luke,” he reassures himself, “you’re doing this for your girlfriend. ‘Cause you love her. And you want the best for her.”

The next day, Luke Hughes arrives to class with a bright smile, so bright that it actually scares the shit out of Mark as soon as they make eye contact.

“Holy shit Hughes! Did somebody force you to smile? Blink twice for help!”

“Very funny,” Luke says, pushing the boy back harshly. Mark only laughs, not expecting his best friend to have a smile on his face this early in the morning—or at all, for the matter.

“Hi,” you say shyly as you sat down near your boyfriend. You can’t help but widen your eyes when you see him give you a boyish smile, one that makes your heart flutter inside your chest.

“Hi lovie,” he hesitate for a bit, then intertwines both your hands as he uses his free hand to wrap themselves around your shoulder.

What was going on?

“Now PDA? God Luke, what happened yesterday that made you be a changed man?!” Mark can’t help but holler loudly, quickly stopping when he sees Kielle walk into the room.

“Kiels!” He motions for her to come over, which makes the girl roll her eyes in annoyance.

“You won’t believe it Kiels, Luke is actually smiling, and he’s—he’s wrapping his arms around her shoulder! Publicly!”

“Oh settle down Mark,” Kielle takes a seat next to him, right across from you and Luke. “Glad to see my favorite couple.”

“Thanks Kie,” you reply, blushing tremendously. You hadn’t been this flushed since the day Luke had officially asked you to be his girlfriend.

“I’m guessing you two made up then?” Luke raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, yesterday,” it was now Mark’s turn to wrap his arms around somebody; that somebody being Kielle. He pulls her close to his body, his face plastered into a wide grin. “I was calling you yesterday nonstop to tell you of the news. Why didn’t you pick up?”

“Just had to do a little burying.”

Mark raises his eyebrows. “You didn’t kill anyone, did you?” His grin grows even wider.

“Not anyone important,” Luke replies.

The two boys burst out into laughter, while you and Kielle look at each other in amusement.

Boys will be boys. And your boys were extremely interesting, to say the least.

“Alright well, Kiels and I are dating. I decided to apologize and we actually spent the night together yesterday,”

Luke’s lips form a straight line before descending into a small smile.

“Congrats.” He says, “but just so you know Estapa, if Kiels ever comes to me crying, you are so dead.”

“Hey! What if I was the one to come crying to you instead?”

“Then you must’ve done something to Kielle that would’ve made her make you cry.”

“Now that’s just unfair,”

You and Kielle can’t help but giggle quietly at your two boyfriends bickering. You didn’t know where the sudden change in Luke came from, but you were glad he was still your sweet, caring boyfriend.

“I love you,” you whisper to him quietly as you lay on his shoulder.

“I love you more.”

And for the first time publicly, Luke Hughes places a long kiss on your lips, eyes closed as he cherishes the moment.

“Gross!” Mark exclaims, “get a room!”

[ellaa-writes]

I should really be working on my other fic's but I just need to get this out of my head. Not proof read (when is anything)

Cw: dubcon/cnc. Drugs, smut, blood, death, and violence. 18+, MDNI

Another boring party, a gathering of people you didn't care much for. They are your boyfriends friends and associates, they scare you. Being around a bunch of drunk idiots, lines of coke and who knows what spread out on the coffee table.

You should have broken up with him a long time ago. But the sex was decent and he liked spending his money on you. Luxury vacations, a new car, a penthouse in the city and all the best designer clothes. You became complaint in this mess.

Stumbling away from the dwindling party goers, trying to get away from the noise and to find your boyfriend Sergi. You always hated this house, so isolated in the woods. Acres of nothing but wilderness surrounding you, mocking you. The hallways always a maze, trying to find the door to the bathroom.

Staring at yourself in the mirror, surrounded by marble, quartz and gold fixtures. Your eyeliner was smudged, lipstick long gone. You looked like you fell down a flight of stairs. Wiping away the mess and making yourself look less depressing. Fresh air, that's what you needed.

Walking back out, everything was eerily quieter than before. A few people still sprawled out on the white leather sofa, in different stages on undress. You avoided looking, not wanting to see what comes next. Wandering down another white empty hallway, following the sound of hushed voices. Finding your boyfriend, and two of his closest friends gathered around a desk. Talking about the next shipment and distribution. His eyes snapping to yours, a quick flick of something nafarious behind him before he smiled big, beckoning you inside.

"Come darling." he motioned for you to enter, you hesitated. "I'm going to go get some air." you mumbled, stumbling towards the back entrance that led to the pool and patio. Hearing your boyfriends footsteps catching up to you. His arms encasing you from behind, pulling you into his chest.

"You ok?" he asks, a small hint of genuine concern. "Yeah, yes. I- just needing air. That's all." you struggled to say. His lips peaking you in the side of your head as he let you go. Giving your ass a hard smack, a small yelp leaving your throat. "Don't be gone for too long." it was a warning, one you wont take lightly. Giving him a small smile as he walked back to the office.

Soon as you stepped into the crisp night air you sucked in a deep breath. Allowing it to fill your lungs and blowing it back out. Taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs, closing your eyes and indulging in the silence.

Glass, the sound of it shattering disturbing your small slice of peace.

"What the hell was that?" you asked yourself, sitting up in the lounger, side eyeing the house. That's when the screams started to come in. Turning your blood into ice, you shot up from your spot. Racing to the door your came from, and towards the office. The door was closed and locked, you started to bang on it before hearing gun fire coming from the common area.

Your heart was racing, what the hell was going on. Before you could gather yourself one of your boyfriends came running around the corner. His clothes covered in blood, his eyes locked on you as he ran up. Taking a hold of you as he continued to run back down the hallway towards the back entrance.

"We gotta get the fuck out of here." he was yelling right into your ear but he sounded so far away. Your mind was locking up, struggling to understand how dire your situation has become.

"What-.. What the fuck is going on?" you asked the man, trying to remember his make. Leo, it has to be. "It's a fucking sting, we need to get far away." he dragged you down the stone steps leading towards the front of the house. Coming to a stop, armoured vechiles were blocking the driveway.

"Fuck." he whispered, looking around for another option. "Where's Sergi?" you asked Leo, your boyfriend where the hell is he?

"Hiding that mother fucker." Leo hissed quietly. He finally looked at you, his head tilted has he looked you up and down. Suddenly becoming very self conscious of your barely there dress. You yanked you hand from his grip, taking a few steps back. His face twisting into anger.

"Where the fuck you think your going." he hissed, stomping towards you. You bolted, running back into the house. Turning the corner and being met with a blood bath, three bodies filled with bullet holes and oozing blood. You had to shut your eyes to stop the vomit from rising. "You stupid fucking bitch." Leo roared from behind you, you ran past the living room and to the stairs. Taking two at a time as you climbed them, Leo's heavier footsteps not far behind.

Taking sharp turns down the maze of endless white hall ways, opening the master bedroom and slamming it closed behind you. Using you body as weight while trying to secure the lock, Leo throwing his into the door. Screaming and cursing from behind the secure door, you began stepping back from the door. Watching as it shook from his impact, a loud shot ringing out. You barely missed the bullet as it prentrated through the door. A thump followed by blood seeped from under, you found yourself gasps for air. Running to the attached bathroom just in time to empty your stomach into the bathtub, crumpling to the floor. You couldn't stop the trembling as it wrecked your body. The hicupping and head pounding, everything was too much.

You were too busy spiraling too notice and a shadow emerge from the closet, closing in on your fast. The butt of a rifle connection to the back of your head, sending you into the abyss.

You woke sometime later, face down and drooling. Your hands were tied at your back, your ankles fastened together. You could hear your name being called as you came in and out of consciousness. Finally getting you eyes to focus on the to your left, Sergi, his face was beaten and bloody. But he was alive, your tried to reach out to him but couldn't. "Shh, shh, it's ok." he whispered out. "What the fuck." you croaked back. "Quiet, they are close." he hissed to you. Turning silent as the masked assailants entered what you assumed was the dining room. Sergi turned from you, eyes straight ahead as blood soaked boots came to stop in front of him.

"Up!" a thick German voice yelled, you and Sergi were yanked up into your knees. You eyes followed the boots all the way up passed two massive thighs followed by a wide torso and shoulders. A hooded head rested upon them, it's stormy blue eyes piercing down at you. You couldn't help the gaps that left your mouth, it was followed by a laugh from the giant. His eyes trailing up and down your body, you could feel a breeze brush past your ass, looking down to find the bottom of your dress pushed up to your waist, exposed to the prying eyes of the people around you.

The giant tore his eyes from you and focused them on your boyfriend Sergi. "Tell where the coordinates and I'll let her live." you turned to Sergi, watching as the command bounced around his head. He didn't look at you, didn't even acknowledge you were there. Instead he spit at the man in front, cursing him to hell. The man who your assumed was the leader stuck out his leg, connecting his boot with Sergi's jaw. His head snapping back as blood splattered across your face.

You jumped back from the impact, the trembling starting up again. You tried not to panic, but you could feel your lungs locking up, refusing to cooperate. Bile rose in your throat, burning a path up and out. Releasing it all to the right of you, doubling over in pain. All you could hear is your own vomiting and laughter.

"I'll let you watch as I take my time with her." the words weren't directed at you but to the bleeding man howling in pain next to you. The German was knelt down in front of your boyfriend, holding his head by the hair. "Don't worry, I'll put you out before we finish her." the English was broken but you got the message. Your body was racked by sobs and pleas, you didn't know what you were saying. You couldn't look at Sergi's face, knowing he never truly cared about you beyond your body and face.

"Shhhhhh." the giant was now on you, grabbing your chin in his grip and facing you towards him. The hood over his face making him look much more menacing. "We'll have our fun." he taunted as he dragged his knife down the side of your face towards your chest. You could feel the blade slide across your chest, and down the center of your breasts as it tore open your dress.

The hooded monster removed the blade and tucked it into his belt. Grabbing you by the throat as he easily maneuvered you to the dining table, tossing you belly first onto the wood. Taking a hold of your bound arms, you felt the restraints around your ankles come undone, the thick thighs of your captors edging itself between your thighs. You felt his gloved hands grip the flesh of your ass, pulling your cheeks apart and finishing with a hard slap.

"You better be watching. Won't recognize this oreety face when I'm done." he was taunting your boyfriend. Grinding his hips into your ass, pushing his hard bulging crotch into you. Making you squirm and gasp, closing you eyes hard. Trying to make everything stop and disappear. "What a hot body." the giant said all to quietly as he ripped the dress from your body. Tossing the shredded material to the side, leaving you in only your risqué panties. You could hear him hmm in approval behind you, his hands running up and down your back as the dug into your hips, gripping your panties as he slid them down your legs.

"I'll tell you!" Sergi's voice screamed from behind, making the German stop in his tracks. "So now you play." the giant teased once again grabbing your ass cheeks and spreading them. You could feel the cool air kiss your lips as he spread you open, you tried clenching you thighs but was stopped by a hard stinging slap to your ass. And suddenly the instrusion was gone, leaving you bare, cold and vulnerable bent over the table.

"I'm waiting." the heavy accent barked, making you flinch, you didn't dare to move. You could hear Sergi mumble some numbers off before the room became overwhelmingly silent. "See, that wasn't hard." the German mocked. His hard body once again pressed against your, grabbed a fist full of your hair, yanking you around so you faced your boyfriend. Another masked figure stood behind him, gun to his head. You clamped your eyes closed just in time as the gun went off and your boyfriends brains hit you.

A violent so left your body as you heard his hit the floor. A slap echoed across your face, "What a shame." the massive German said from beside you, "It was a beautiful site. But not beautiful like you." he sneered. Realization sunk into your belly, this giant was gonna rape you and probably kill you now. He shoved your body forward and towards the living room. Pushing you belly first onto the bloodied sofa, only stopped to kick a body onto the ground.

"Clean up!"he commanded, footsteps retreating, leaving you alone with him." I'll make you enjoy." he whispered behind you, the sound of a belt being undone followed by a zipper. " Please, please!" you sobbed, trying to lossen his grip on the back of your neck that pinned you in place. "Don't worry, you'll be begging on my cock soon." you felt some hot and big press against you entrance. Stretching you out painfully, feeling your pussy tighten even more. You began thrashing even harder now, trying your best to resist.

A warm tongue licked you ear and cheek, "take it" he said, pulling back and spitting at your conjoined bodies. Moving his hips in and out as the wetness began coating you. After a moment his hips snpped forward, knocking the air from your lungs. Your mouth agape in a silent scream, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He used your bound hands and neck as leverage as he pounder into you. All you could do was take it, whimpering and crying now and then.

He left you go, dropping face first into the stained leather, a rough gloved hand pushing into way to your pussy, finding you clit and grinding against it harshly. Making you grit through your teeth, the pressure residing as he lazily circled your now throbbing clit. You tried to fight the building sensation making its way to your core. You tried thinking of your dead boyfriend in the next room but nothing could stop the violent orgasm that ripped through your body. Making your choke on your spit as it drooled out of your mouth.

Your pussy clenched tightly around him, making his movements flatter as he chased his own high. Burying the head of his cock roughly against your sore crevix, releasing deep into you. His own loud moans finally quieting has his hips ceased to move. You could feel him catching his breath, the orgasm knocking the wind out of him. Seconds later his cock left your aching pussy, stuffing himself back into his pants.

He left you there as he grabbed a discarded throw blanket from a chair in the room. Pulling you up gently and wrapping it around your spent body. "Now that wasn't bad." he cooed, rubbing a hand up and down your hair. "Went just as planned didn't it?" he was fishing for a compliment that you gladly gave him. "Of course my King." your mouthed over his lips obscured by the hood.

[bamdelune]

In Hindsight 📹 Ch. 16: "tell me you don't care"

notes. (1) you're highly recommended to listen to SEVENTEEN's "Don't listen in secret" as you read through the narration ! If you want the English translation, you can find it here. (2) I'm not really proud of how the narration turned out so please comment if actually made sense to you since I still have doubts FHAJKNWBWMS (3) The lyrics at the end were not written by anyone else but me ^^ Just a reminder hehe.

[February 12, 2022] - Kunikuzushi's POV

The moment Kunikuzushi's reads over the text Lumine sent to him, he doesn't take the time to reply to her. He grabs the car keys and a jacket before bolting outside, he could care less about his roommates having their slumber in their respective rooms as he hurriedly slams the door shut.

Kunikuzushi is sure that he may or may not have broken various traffic regulations on his way to the hospital when he got there in no less than 5 minutes.

"Sucrose, where's—" He pants to even his breathing after running from the parking to the nurse's station. Sucrose directs him to Room 102 and he wastes no time in hurrying down the hallway as patients and concerned doctors eye him in his disheveled state. Kunikuzushi doesn't notice your friends standing outside when he gets to your room.

"Oh, Kunikuzu—" Lumine voices out before she was interrupted by him sliding the door open, to reveal you, who was lucid enough to be aware of his entrance into your room. "Kuni?" He hears you call out to him, you don't even register what happens next when he suddenly rushes over to you and envelopes your frame in a tight embrace. Gentle but firm to let you know how much he's been worrying about you. Now you knew well at this point that he wasn't one to initiate physical touch, but from the way he was hugging you like this; so silent and desperate, maybe some of the feelings you were feeling towards him for being so distant was melting away.

But everyone always had to address the elephant in the room at some point.

You give a quiet nod to your friends outside so they can shut the door and leave you two alone. When Kuni retracts himself, you are met with a slightly shy expression from him, deducing it from the way his ears turned pink when he pulls back. You cross your arms at him with a playful expression, at least what you try to muster in your exhausted state. "You have a bit of explaining to do." He nods, albeit resigned, as if he knew this was coming. "I'm sorry," his eyes lock with yours but really they were looking at the side of your face from sheer nervousness, "I've kind of been a dick for the past two weeks, right?" He chuckles awkwardly.

"What gives?" You ask, still peering at him. Your tone cones out a little hush, the feelings you've been experiencing from his emotional absence making themselves known to him.

"You're gonna find me weird, can you wait until I finish before you make fun of me?" Kuni frowns, which you find infuriatingly adorable. You shrug in response, "No promises." He groans, feigning irritation. "I like you, idiot."

Maybe he deserved to be teased, even for a little.

"In what way, oh my dear Kunikuzushi?" You grin at him, your smile growing bigger when he rolls his eyes at you, "Don't play dumb with me, I'm only saying it once."

"You know, some might say distancing yourself from crushes only grows your feelings for them. Humor me, did it help you?" You raise an eyebrow at him, eliciting a scoff from the boy. "Come on, swallow your pride for me," you tease further.

"You're insufferable."

"So what? You got so scared that your feelings for me were so big that you had to step away?"

He stays quiet for a moment, you notice that he started picking at the skin of his nails. You wouldn't have that happening, thus why you take his hands in yours to stop him from doing so.

"I was scared." Kuni finally mumbles, you wouldn't have heard if you weren't paying attention. He glances at you before you nod your head, asking him to continue.

His head faces down, avoiding your face as he spoke. "I was scared of what would happen when you're gone after these, what? Nine months? There's more to it, I swear. But I.." he pauses, "I'm not going to think about that anymore."

"Look at me." You call to him, rubbing his hand with the pad of your thumb. "Kuni, come on." Only when you ask the second time does he raise his head, but his eyes wandered elsewhere for a while before setting them on you.

"You're fucking stupid, you know that?" You laugh softly, "Just because Baizhu said I have months left on my life, doesn't mean he wouldn't find a way to keep me alive longer."

Silence fills the air, just like it did that night on the beach. You knew it, he knew it: the world was pushing you both to each other, whether one of you liked it or not. Even if the red string of fate would be cut short, it would somehow still tie itself to the both of you.

"So what now? What happens when you're gone?" He asks, his tone was scratchy as if he could cry at any moment now. Even the thought of just saying these words, it made him sick. It stabbed at his heart again and again each time it passes his mind.

"Then the world will know I had the privilege of loving you at least once."

You reach over to the bedside table for a notebook and hand it to him with a smile. He raises an eyebrow at you before opening it to the first page, that's when he realizes: it was your songwriting notebook. In its pages were lyrics of seemingly lovesick messages and feelings so sweet that it could be tooth-rotting. He was granted the permission to see the tracklist of your upcoming album to see small purple stars on half of the drafted songs.

It clicks for him, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what the stars symbolize but he wanted something. Kuni wanted to hear it from you.

You notice his silence as his finger points over the numerous drawings of the heavenly body on your notebook, "Those songs are about you." He chokes back a breath, turning another page to the opening track and he had to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest when he reads the first few stanzas.

"Death would've been unbearable if it wasn't for you,

So please, let's not leave each other wondering anymore."

synopsis. You are a singer-songwriter. Music has always been a part of you, it's a part of your identity that no one can ever take away. However, there's always a catch: you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that puts your life on a timer. Those who have heard your countless melodies have grown to notice that the notes on the sheet played a gloomier tune. Would the snarky and capable medical student you've met be able to bring life back into these melodies? Even as life begins to seep out of your own body? (scaramouche x gn!reader)

tags. gender-neutral reader, angst, fluff, crack, heavy contexts of death and illnesses, friends to lovers, slowburn, profanities, drinking (characters are in college), suggestive themes but no nsfw.

taglist. (status: open) — @beriiov @alatusorrow @br0oke96 @ohmyfinggod @itzblazekun @featuredtofu @sketcheeee @lazy-sanns @sakurapeach @sheraffim @vxmp-loml @sukunasrealgf @sleepning @yukiipc @thenightsflower @aqvvas @scaramoo (comment/send an ask to be added or removed, please let me know if i forgot to add you since my notification feed can be flooded sometimes!)

masterpost ★ masterlist © bamdelune 2023. do not repost, translate, plagiarize any of my works without permission, thank you so much! reblogs, notes, and comments are always appreciated!

[friedchickenluver]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [moronsexual] ࿐ྂ

note: this isn’t an actual fic , this is just some thought yk . BUT GUESS WHO JOINING JJK FANDOM BABEHHH .

warning(s): very smutty with some vulgar or offensive content, heavy degradation, dumbification, reader is a SLUT/gojo is also a SLUT, reader drinks up dick like it’s air babes , reader is also pregnant .

gojo loves dumb, bimbo, hoes, which is what he knows is not good for him. his type, idiotic girls with hot bodies. ones that’ll have the swell of her ass hanging out her bottoms, her breasts practically falling out of her top for the whole show. bonus points if she only had but a sliver of a real personality and look like all could muster up in that head of hers is sex. it was like he had a fetish for the dumb, his dick would jump in his pants at the thought of having his way some bimbo tramp who seemed like she’d been ran through so much, the good sense in her was beat straight out of her used pussy.

she could talk in one of those high pitched, annoying ass voices, all pretty and pink just like her pussy happens to be.

Gojo likes her, him being the player he is, he just want something to bag a good fuck from. getou could only ever gently shake his head at his friend’s…exotic taste in women. ladies like that would only pass off some nasty infection that he’d have to deal with; nonetheless, he just didn’t care. take for example this one woman he caught at the corner pharmacy, buying a plan b with a slight pain in her walk. she had thick eyelashes that basically flooded over her eyes, her nails were done up really long and dressed in various jewelry and trinkets.

her belly stuck out from her slim body, aside from her ass that sat prettily below her back. he was staring extra hard, he had to remind himself it’d be rude as hell to just glare in her direction unannounced. but why the hell would she be buying a plan b if she was already pregnant? he wouldn’t know, all he caught was how fine this bitch looked in her jet black bussdown she had laid down perfectly. she limped out the entrance of the store after handing the cashier a couple of crinkled up dollars, watching how her ass just switched around effortlessly like she was asking for that shit.

she looked ran through as fuck, looked like she ain’t really know the first name of whoever the hell creampied in her guts like that. but that was nothing to worry about, because he was now going to finesse his way in her next. so he attempted to catch her outside of the store before she’d gotten in her car to crack a few jokes, say some slick shit, and get her number.

she was smiling and of course cheesing like a child being given candy, giggling and batting her lashes at him. it was pretty evident that she was digging him, so that led to him eventually getting her number before she ran off.

when the two hooked up at some hotel, it was more than just something. she could do a lot for a 5 month pregnant woman, he was damn near scared her water might’ve broken while they fucked that night. he’d have her choked face down into the soft material of the bed pillows, continuously beating down into her full stomach. it was his fifth time cumming all inside of her warm insides, holding her arms pinned down on her back tightly while his dick pivoted down in the middle of her worked pussy.

god, she was so fucking loose it didn’t make sense, her walls were so easy to slip into that it felt like four other men had already have their way with her. it’s pitiful the way she screamed so childishly high-pitched, it made him want to just break that dumb bitch in half. he let go of her hands to yank at her hair, letting a loud sob go out into the atmosphere of the room. gojo had to slap her good to calm her screaming down to not concern any surrounding people on the floor.

they switched positions, allowing her to get on top with her ass facing his view. he stood up with his lower half off of the bed being held up by his feet and letting her hold his ankles as she thrashed herself down onto his dick. her juices would splash with each thrust, flying so far, droplets would smack down on his face when she would meet back up with his hips.

ugh, she was so fucking nasty letting him just ruin her makeup with his finish, slapping and just relishing his dick all over her helpless face. only a slut would wrap those slender fingers over the base of his shaft while her pussy would swallow up the tip, lips sucking him up and relishing the sheen of her arousal over him.

“so full.” she complained like a bratty ass girl, pressing down on one of his veins with her wet thumb. as if he couldn’t literally tell, he just gave her ass a good slap.

“hush and take it, you sorry ass bitch.”

she turned over so her pink clit could face him directly, gripping onto the headboard, planting her feet into the mattress, she plowed her damn self on him like a desperate cunt. her sex looked messed up and sort of abused, everything about her just screamed ‘use me’! her ass would spank down to burn red marks into his pale contrasting skin, playing her cunt around his own length and rolling her hips as she squatted back down on it completely.

the woman’s mouth was left agape, a thin trail of saliva hinting down her jaw from gojo trapping her head to lay against the headboard unhealthy wrong. stray tears burned down her face being pushed to her damn limit and choking out the cum he drilled back inside of her. the raven colored wig now glued to her face from the accumulation of rampant snot, sweat, and drool.

the sound of her hips subtly popping from every thrust from the man restraining her down landed in her, causing those reddish eyes to just loll back in silent gratification.

“I bet you fucking like when someone fucks you like you mean nothing but sex huh?”

oh but the degrading comments only made the heat between her legs grow even fucking hotter, and he could definitely tell with the way her pussy talked back to him while he moved.

“fucking slut, you already let someone else put a baby in you. And here you are looking for more damn sex.”

their mixed arousal dipped down from between their connection, and along and around their legs and the bed below. gojo could barely keep up with the way she squeeze down on him, wordlessly daring him to fuck you even fuller and plug up that warm entrance. she felt so gooey inside it was so vivid the way they desperately rutted against each other, her belly started doing turns and spins from the sound of skin crackling down on one another. snaking a larger hand over her smooth neck, he yanked her up to let a wad of spit to land in the back of her mouth, big, stupid, doe eyes glittered up at him almost pleadingly…

her body now reduced down to a convulsing mess on the bed before him, she panted laboriously with her naked stomach still bulging in stark contrast from the rest of her form. the opening of her cunt left slackened, repeatedly gaping from exhaustion. and as it closed back up once more, it pushed out her hot cum that just fought out against the ring of worn down muscles. still faintly making noises in through her mouth, the aftershocks of sex continued the circulate in her veins.

so dumb, so fucking dumb.

[greeen-bean]

AlloAro!Jimmy, who grew up watching his grandparents being ridiculously in love with each other, even through death, and believing this to be the best form of love a person can feel, and that it is the only future a person should strive for.

AlloAro!Jimmy, who knew he was gay, knew he was attracted to men, but still never felt the want for anything more with anyone other than in hypothetical situations that seemed purposefully unattainable.

AlloAro!Jimmy, who blamed his lack of romantic attraction on him being tans, or famous, or busy, or anything that seemed like a half-decent excuse, yet still wholeheartedly believed that those feelings would eventually come once he finds The One™️

AlloAro!Jimmy, who let himself be used by other people to fulfil their own parasocial fantasies, in a way to search for some hidden romantic feelings that he thinks should be there *cough cough Magnet cough cough*

AlloAro!Jimmy, who felt so guilty about thinking Lister was attractive while having no romantic feelings for him, who felt no better than everyone else who had used Lister before

AlloAro!Jimmy, who couldn't for the life of him understand why he wasn't feeling the romantic feelings for the one person he arguably should.

AlloAro!Jimmy, who, upon hearing his new friend, Fereshteh, talk about how she is Aromantic Asexual, started to cry.

"Jim? Are you okay?" voice filled with panic and concern. She never was the delicate type, never able to hide or sefen her feelings from their extremes.

He blinks hard, taking away the tears in his eyes. Or tries to, at least. As they drip down his face new ones take their place.

"I didn't," his voice is quiet, raw, slow. The words are being forced out. Not wanting to say the wrong thing. But not wanting to say nothing, either. "I didn't know a person could feel that way."

"Um, yeah. I suppose it's the same as Bliss and Lister being bi. Just, you know, the opposite?" It's said as a question. Unsure. It's not a perfect comparison, but it doesn't really matter. Not now, not between them.

They are looking into each other's eyes. His red and wet, but no longer crying. Hers worry-filled and confused, not knowing how to fix this.

"Do you not get lonely?" He asks. And she, the girl, his friend, despite everything, Fereshteh, is smart enough to know that it's more than that. It's like a plea.

Please, he says, tell me it's okay. Tell me that you're happy, despite it all. That you are still content and cared for. Tell me you love it. Tell me it's worth it all.

"I don't know." Not the answer he wants, but honesty never usually is. "Sometimes yeah, but don't we all? don't we all get lonely every now and again? But I've got my friends. My family."

And, she hesitates, knowing it's probably too much, too soon, for this new strange friendship they have. The one that they probably shouldn't. "I've got you."

She punches his arm, a jest, something to lighten the mood. It doesn't really work.

"I don't understand." he looks broken. Probably feels it as well.

And she's been there. In tears, scared of what it all could mean. Feeling broken. Not shattered or cracked, not something that could be fixed with some glue.

But something made faulty. Something with a missing part or a shoddy clog on the inside.

Something that you don't notice at first, until it becomes obvious.

Then you just feel like an idiot for not noticing in the first place.

She's been there. She's felt that way.

But she doesn't anymore.

"Jim-" and now it's her voice that's quiet and raw, "Jimmy, actually, I think you do."

[taughtintegrity]

[ hospital ] sender wakes up in a hospital bed and finds receiver sitting by their bedside

seth’s spent what feels like days holding vigil—minus the praying—for robby & ethan, anxiously waiting for his twin brother to wake up. in reality, it’s only been about four hours, but it’s torture nonetheless. time seems to move at a snail’s pace in a hospital—it makes him feel like he’s going to burst out of his damn skin. it’s around 11pm right now, but seth has so much adrenaline in his body that he’s probably not going to sleep for a while. his eyes have been flickering between robby’s still, almost peaceful face, & the various beeping monitors he’s hooked up to. he ignores the male nurse checking up on him as they do their rounds, but after two hours, she’d had given him a blanket after he’d refused to move.

( he doesn’t know how the fuck they’d managed to stay past visiting hours, but he’s not going to question it too much. he doesn’t really care. )

on the flip side, on the frenzied drive to the hospital, chase had said a prayer for both ethan & robby. seth didn’t say anything. he lost any shred of faith in his father at seven. he lost faith in god at eight. he lost everything he almost—almost—had at ten. god isn’t listening. he never has been. it’s a bitter truth.

at thirteen, seth’d remarked to uncle kevin that satan takes on benjamin lawrence’s form, that benjamin is nothing but a mouthpiece for the wicked, grotesque & unholy, in most literal ways possible. kevin hadn’t known what to say that when it was said. but he eventually agreed—two days later while carefully picking out glass from seth’s hand from a shattered—thrown—nearly-empty bottle of tito’s vodka. he’d cried in calla’s arms with a spider-man bandaid on both of his knees. benjamin had flew into a rage over some stupid sport’s team losing.

the bottle’d missed seth’s body because he’d ducked, his instincts kicking in, but it’d broken their shitty tv. glass from the bottle had gotten into his hand while he was cleaning up. he’d stumbled his way towards the brown residence in a bit of shock. it’d made seth miss multiple episodes of his favorite shows before he managed to—somehow—essentially swindle another tv from one of benjamin’s ex-girlfriends who never lasted more than a week. afterwards, he’d cried himself to sleep in calla’s arms, a spider-man bandaid carefully placed over his palm.

seth’s nerves are only soothed by the fact that ethan’s down the hall, still unconscious, but alive. if his best friend died—for a third time, something seth wouldn’t ever forget—seth would have gone nuclear. ( he doesn’t even want to further entertain the thought of what robby would have done. the mere thought makes him physically ill. ) mr. larusso’s with him now—so are his parents, chase, dami, sam, charlie & miguel.

he just finishes hitting send on a text to the miyagi-fang group chat which was used to update them on robby’s condition, the text to jaime sent seconds prior, when a monitor—seth has no clue what it’s called—next to him spikes suddenly. head snapping up immediately, he places his phone on his lap, & blue eyes grow wide with concern as he looks robby over, like he’s worried that injuries will blossom across his body. his brother’s eyes slowly open. all of the tension in seth’s body escapes him immediately, his shoulders sagging in relief.

❝ holy shit, bro. you’re an idiot. ❞ that’s the first thing that flies out of his mouth as robby’s eyes settle on him, a relieved but exhausted smile tugging at his lips. it’s immediately followed up by a gentle hand slotting itself on top of robby’s forearm since he can’t reach his shoulder from his current position, his expression turning serious, but the relief remains obvious, shining in his eyes. ❝ ethan’s alive, ❞ he quickly blurts out, just in case robby was worried about that—knowing him, that’s probably true. ❝ he’s in a room down the hall. still unconscious. some of our friends are with him right now, including chase, mr. larusso, mr. wilson, & mrs. carlsyle-wilson. ❞ he takes a deep breath, hopefully giving robby enough time to process the information, before his expression turns tentative. ❝ can you remember what happened? ❞

@taughtpain woke up

[i-eat-glue-sticks]

A SNIPPET OF MY STORY

(This part is old, and in need of a few tweaks)

The streets were bustling with people trying to go somewhere. It had a grim look, rotting plants, broken windows, starving children, and stray cats roaming around. Kids would be seen on the road, begging for a bite of your muffin or a nibble. You may wonder, where are their parents? Yeah, a few starving kids might be normal, but not this amount to where they could fill an office building. Well, in recent years it is no longer required to care for your children.You can dump them on the side of the road like they are garbage. Worth nothing. 

Here we are, with Luxina. Her hair is unkempt and overgrown due to being kicked out at the age of 10, 5 years ago. Her warm ivory skin glowed in the harsh sunlight, beating on her sweaty face. Luxina, also known as Lux, hands were cupped and begging for some food or even better, money.  Soon the hooded eyes her own mother gave her were filled with tears.

She was one of the older ones, she couldn't cry in front of the younglings. Lux ran off to a corner to sob her sorrows away. Her hands entangled in her black messy hair. Weeps of sadness were muffled by the fear of being heard.

“Hey kiddo, what's wrong?”

A man knelt to Luxinas height, his shaggy black hair falling in his warm and caring eyes. Ivory skin with a few rough marks of mud, wide set eyes full of concern, and his lips curved into a frown. He hated seeing people sad, especially somebody so youthful.

“I- i hate living like this. . .” She managed to say through her sobs. 

The man pulled her into a comforting hug, not wanting to see her in this poor state. His arms gave her a warm feeling of hope, hope of her life getting better. She quickly returned the hug while sobbing into the strange, yet kind, man's shoulder. The two stayed like this for a good five minutes before Luxina pulled back.

“My name is Zyon, by the way. What’s yours?” The man offers her a hand to stand her up.

“Luxina, but you can just call me Lux.” She sniffled as she stood up.

Zyon looked at her with eyes full of concern and fatherly care. He may have just met the girl, but he already felt protective over her. He couldn't leave this young girl alone in the streets, not when he and his roommates had room to take care of others. He tilted his head and a soft smile grew on his face.

“Alright then. Lux, I know this may be a strange and creepy looking offer, but do you want to live with me and my friends? I know, I know, it sounds creepy. Rest assured that it isn't supposed to be that way.” He gave a soft chuckle. “I just dont stand for what the government is doing to you guys. Pushing you away and making young people fend for their own. It isn't right.”

Luxina paused. She didn't know how to feel about this sudden offer. Yeah, it did sound creepy the way he said it, but they needed the help. Maybe… no! It would be idiotic to accept help from a stranger, but he is a kind stranger. He isn't like the other adults who spat or kicked at her sobbing, he hugged her.

“I do want to. After all, I need any help I can get.” Luxina decided while fiddling with her fingers, worried if she made a bad choice.

Zyon nods and leads her the way to his shared apartment, which was an old building that ran for $1000 rent, so he obviously took it. It was a decent place, well it was decent when they fixed it all up. It had the bare minimum, running water, lights, sleeping areas, and a stable roof. He was determined to get this girl a caring household. She obviously needs help and a home, and he was gonna give it.

This is all that has been published so far, but more is hopefully coming soon. Here is the link, hope you like it !!

[thompsborn]

chapter five - tonight, you're not alone at all

word count: 8,143 (8,112 without chapter lyrics)

total word count: 39,781 (39,630 without chapter lyrics)

chapter song: satellite call by sara bareilles

chapter lyrics:

this one's for the lonely child broken hearted, running wild this was written for the one to blame for the one who believes they are the cause of chaos in everything

recap + lines i felt were important enough to jot down:

peter is avoiding the aftermath of him snapping at harry and harley seeing the blood on his hands at late night. he's skipping his classes multiple days in a row, going on patrol until he passes out from exhaustion - "him... running and hiding, instead of facing his problems head on"

he starts getting texts as the days pass but doesn't see them due to ignoring his phone, as well. the first texts he get are from harley on monday (october 27, 2025) at around noon.

in these texts, harley says that he's not going to ignore the fact that he saw blood on peters hands. he says that harry mentioned having a conversation go south with peter and that "i don't really know how to approach this in a way that isn't 'wrong' somehow but i literally can't leave it alone" and he says that peter not showing up to class so he's concerned and then he sends this:

harley [11:44 AM]: and i don’t know if that may seem weird or whatever considering the fact that we only just started texting last week and still haven’t really spoken outside of class or the cafe but i told you once already that my mom has always said i’m a naturally protective person and once i meet someone and deem them at least a little bit decent in my mind then that’s it, i’m hooked i’m in it and i’m worried harley [11:45 AM]: it’s not about me though so please don’t take any of that in a way that might make it sound like i’m trying to make it about me, i promise i’m not i just don’t want it to seem like weird or creepy for me to be saying i’m concerned even though we’re not really technically friends?

he says that every time he's seen peter he's been able to tell that peter is dead on his face and that it looks like peter's coming home from war and it's obvious that peter is going through a lot of shit and he hasn't tried to pry but then he saw blood and peter didn't come to class and isn't answering his messages and "it's really easy to jump to conclusions i really don't want to jump to"

on that same monday, peter goes out to build a stock pile of spidey pictures to sell to the daily bugle so that he doesn't have to worry about taking them for the next few weeks. he then goes on an actual patrol monday night with the plan to not come back until he's found something new for his investigation.

he ends up passing out back at his apartment at about 7 am on tuesday (october 28, 2025) without any new information

gwen texts peter next, and she starts off with this:

gwennifer [7:41 AM]: i think we’ve spoken one on one exactly once before, and i’m really regretting that right now, because i feel like i don’t really know HOW to talk to you, but i’m going to try anyway gwennifer [7:42 AM]: harry told me about the talk you guys had in class last week, and at first i was admittedly kind of mad because it sounded a lot like you were just being a dick when harry was just saying he was worried about you, but the more i think about it, the more i’m realizing i’m maybe kind of an idiot

she then goes on to say that she thinks that peter is lonely, that she keeps thinking back on things she never really bothered to think about before, things that she noticed but never thought were important, and that "it's adding up to a scary place" and that while she doesn't want to assume shit about him and despite the fact that she was originally frustrated with peter when harry told her about what happened, she still cares about peter and wants to know that he's okay

she agrees with harry about the fact that peter definitely does not seem okay and she doesn't want to push whatever buttons that harry pushed when he said the same thing, but she's saying it because it's what the signs all point to and she's worried because her, harry, and harley all want peter to be okay

gwennifer [7:44 AM]: but the fact of the matter is that you don’t SEEM okay and you don’t seem to like it when someone points that out even if it’s coming from a place of concern and worry and wanting good things for you, and that just makes me wonder what the hell had to have happened to make you react like that when people care about you? gwennifer [7:45 AM]: i’m not going to pry for an answer, by the way, i just am trying to explain that like… basically, i took a step back and i re-evaluated interactions i’ve had with you and it’s making me realize i need to make it more clear that, whether you say what’s wrong or not, whether you get snappy or push us away or disappear for days at a time or insist you’re fine or whether or not we ever learn anything about what it is going on in your head that makes you react so harshly to people wanting you to be okay, i’m not gonna go anywhere. we live in a really fucking crazy world, peter, and if there’s anything it’s taught me, it’s to not take people for granted and to hold on to anyone who seems worthy of it, and you are someone that i already enjoy being around and i’m not letting that go. you’re stuck with us.

she finishes her texts by saying that harley told her about seeing blood on peter's hands and she says that they haven't told harry yet because harry is "a mother hen friend" and will probably lose his shit when he hears about it but that they're going to let him know if they don't hear from peter soon, and then asks him to please just let someone know that he's alright

he goes back on patrol again while mildly dissociating and running on about four and a half hours of sleep. his healing is being very slow, which he knows he could be doing more to help with but he has had zero appetite recently, even if he does have enough money to buy more food. there is so much on his mind (the nightmare of may's death, the idea of having to eventually confront harry gwen and harley, the essay, his investigation, etc.) and it's all stressing him out so much that he feels nauseous enough to not feel hungry even though he logically knows that he needs to eat anyway.

while on patrol, he hears about lonnie lincoln and another potential location, giving him four leads in total to look into.

(1) lonnie lincoln

(2 + 3) locations to check out

(4) the trade he heard about that's happening the next day

harry texts peter saying that harley told him about the blood and that he's worried and asks peter to answer one of them

on wednesday (october 29, 2025) peter goes to the weapons trade and tbh i just find these lines very fucking funny lmao:

On this specific Wednesday, Peter has to deal with a weapons trade, which he thinks may be doubling as a drug deal, happening in broad daylight in Harlem on the waterfront, concealed only by shipping containers and pure fucking coincidence. At first glance, the scene looks completely and totally average, not a damn thing out of place—but then he properly listens and can hear the low voiced discussion over what certain weapons do, how they operate, the price for this, how much for that, a deal for a bundle— Which is… odd, really, to think about. A collection of weapons, being sold on, like, clearance?

while putting a stop to the deals, he misses 4 calls from harry, 3 calls from gwen, 6 calls from harley, and collects 7 voicemails.

he gets back to his apartment after taking care of the trade and is going to grab his makeshift first aid kit when he remember that there's still blood in his bathroom from when he stitched himself up on saturday before passing out for 36 hours. he adds more to it while patching up a knife wound from taking down the trade.

it's here that it's pointed out for the first time that, with his metabolism so much weaker than it ever was before, his injuries turn into scars and the scars no longer seem to be fading away.

after patching himself up and checking on his still healing injuries (no signs of infection!) he decides to clean up the blood stains before they sit long enough to become permanent fixtures of the floor. he then gets antsy and borderline manic and continues to clean his entire apartment because he has a surge of energy that he doesn't know what to do with ("is it an adrenaline rush, overcompensating for his lack of sleep?). he pretends to not hear it when he phone, now shoved under his pillow, buzzes with notifications.

harry makes the group chat! he adds peter, gwen, and harley, and they start talking about what their plan is and asking peter to respond to them because harry is so concerned that the only thing he can think to do is track down peter's address so that they can go physically knock on his door and see if he's okay

harold [1:20 PM]: and if SOMEONE doesn’t want us to do something like that then SOMEONE who is ALSO in this group chat is FULLY capable of responding and LETTING US KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! gwennifer [1:21 PM]: subtle, harry harold [1:21 PM]: no one has seen him since saturday gwen i don’t give a shit about being subtle harley [1:21 PM]: technically it was sunday harley [1:22 PM]: it was like one thirty in the morning harley [1:22 PM]: so harold [1:22 PM]: technically, i keep thinking peter might be dead, so i literally do not care gwennifer [1:22 PM]: harry, that really doesn’t help harold [1:23 PM]: what would help is if he fucking ANSWERED harold [1:23 PM]: or if i could find any record of his existence?? like. literally anywhere other than the daily bugle and ESU. neither of these things are very helpful at the moment, for fucks sake. gwennifer [1:23 PM]: okay, no, what would help is if you didn’t say that he’s dead because that’s going to freak me and harley out and it’s hard to think clearly when we’re freaked out. take a deep breath and calm down and we’ll figure this out, and if we’re lucky, maybe peter will reply soon harold [1:23 PM]: we haven’t been lucky so far

a fun nod there ^ to the consequences of the spell strange used. peter hasn't been entirely erased from the world, but he has been thoroughly wiped out from everyone's/everything's memory that unless you know where to look you can't really find any traces of peter. like peter was able to get his school records from midtown but only because he obviously knows he went to midtown and knew to look through their records to get them. that kinda stuff.

harry apologizes and says he's just really concerned and they go back and forth a bit about whether it's a good idea to track peter's address down or not because it's an invasion of privacy but they inevitably decide it's worth it because of the fact that peter had blood on his hands and at this point they're genuinely concerned that he might need medical attention or his life may be in danger.

gwen suggests using FAFSA, which peter has mentioned he's using to get him through college before, to find his address.

peter remains oblivious to these messages and is still super antsy in his apartment. if he stops moving his heart starts beating faster and his hands start shaking and he gets nauseous. he wants to go back out on patrol but his suit is still drying from being washed and there's a big gash in the stomach that he needs to stitch up first and he can't stitch it up until it's dry. his apartment is already clean and he's trying to focus on his investigation journal.

harley and harry manage to find peter's address. gwen leaves her class early to meet with them. harry says that this is peter's last chance to answer them if he doesn't want them to show up at his door, but when 12 minutes go by with no response, harry says "i'm sorry in advance and i hope you understand that we're just really fucking worried"

peter ends up taking out The Box, which is a box containing all of the memorable items he was able to gather from his and may's old apartment before the landlord changed the locks and emptied it out. it has a bunch of little things - pictures of his life growing up, including may and ben. notes he would pass in class with ned that he kept. and more that are not yet specified at this point. he's had The Box hidden under his bed because even thinking about it has been making him sad and overwhelmed but he takes it out now and is thinking about opening it, about looking at the contents, but quickly realizes he isn't ready for that yet, and as he's realizing that, he hears the voices of harry, gwen and harley coming up the stairs.

he hears them talking as they approach and he freaks the fuck out and scrambles around his apartment to shove every spidey related thing under his bed and hides it all behind The Box. he's just pulled on a hoodie (one of ben's old hoodies) to cover his webshooters when his friends reach his door and knock. harley calls out for peter first, and then harry says that if peter doesn't answer then he's going to call the cops and say he has reason to believe that peter is dead.

peter decides to open the door because he's pretty sure harry isn't bluffing and harry hugs him. it's his first hug since the battle at the statue of liberty, like 11 months prior to this, and he doesn't know how to react, so he just doesn't.

harry says that peter's been ignoring them and peter says he was taking a break from life and then asks what they're all doing here, harley says that they've all been nervous after peter showed up at late night with blood on his hands and then went MIA and peter says "but you were ignoring me too after i said what i said so i don't really understand why you're here or why you care about me"

harry says "fuck. okay. better communication - going on the list."

peter goes back to his classes on thursday (october 30, 2025)

on friday (october 31 [halloween!] 2025) he goes to his english class and harley asks him if he managed to get his essay done alright and peter immediately freaks out because he never even started it. harley tries to reassure him and says he can just say he forgot to bring it and then email it to their prof over the weekend or something but peter internally is freaking out because he still can't even think about the essay prompt without wanting to cry

their prof comes around to collect their essays and he tells her she didn't write his. when she asks why, he's honest and he tells her that he doesn't have any family left and he didn't know how to write an essay about his role in his family when there's no role left for him to play. she apologizes and gives him a free pass because he's pointed out the fact that her prompt was not inclusive enough and she should have either used a different one or at the very least provided an alternative prompt instead.

harley gently grabs peter by the wrist after their prof walks away. he says that he won't ask about it but that it makes sense hearing that and that he's sorry for whatever peter's gone through because peter doesn't deserve to suffer like that

peter thanks him. harley nods and moves his hand away.

"peter kind of misses the warmth once it's gone"

gonna make little chapter recaps while i reread what's posted of homeward bound so far. and then i am going to bust out chapter seventeen. might not finish it this weekend, but i hope to get a majority of it written. let's get into it.

starting with chapter one - i'm so tired of being afraid

word count: 7,535 (7,515 without the chapter lyrics at the start)

chapter song: six by sleeping at last

chapter lyrics:

what would it feel like to put this baggage down? if i'm being honest i'm not sure i'd know how

recap + lines i felt were important enough to jot down:

peter moves into his new apartment (december 2024)

peter needs to be alone

"when he's alone, there's no one to let down but himself."

peter looks up norman, otto, max, flint, and curt as a precaution now that he knows they turned into villains in the other worlds

norman and otto: started oscorp together during the five year gap between snaps, but have not gotten very far due to the world mourning the half of the population that's gone and also because stark industries is already a powerhouse in all the industries that oscorp is trying to step a foot into. peter deems them not a threat for now but will occasionally check on them just to be safe.

max and flint: peter is unable to find records of anyone with their names when looking them up. that's doesn't guarantee they don't exist in this world, they could have different names or something like that, but peter finds no trace of them and feels like it's safe to assume they don't exist here. he'll still check again occasionally to see if anything pops up down the line.

curt: a professor at empire state university with no signs of any of the things that happened in the other world happening to him here. again, peter will check occasionally to make sure, but overall he thinks that his world is most likely safe from these five people becoming villains like they did in the other peter's worlds.

peter looks into empire state university after looking up curt and thinks about how he'd like to go to college. it's always been part of his life plan. his life is completely different than what it was ever supposed to be and he'd need to get his GED, but he thinks about how he'd like to still go if he can make it work.

peter decides he needs to remake his suit, partially because he other suits can't be used anymore now that karen doesn't recognize him - edith doesn't recognize him anymore, either, which makes peter sad because he feels like he's lost a connection that he had with tony after tony's death - but he also wants to remake his suits because he knows the other peter's made their own from suits from scratch as well, so he thinks it's pretty fitting and thinks that it's kind of like he's building himself up from scratch and starting over for good - "...as both Peter Parker and as Spider-Man"

"and karen not knowing him feels a lot like losing another friend."

he includes peter 2 and peter 3 in his suit design to honor them and remind himself that, even if he is alone in his world, he isn't alone in the universe.

raimi spidey emblem on his chest:

and tasm spidey emblem on his back:

"when peter gets lost, or angry, or overwhelmed... he has reminders of them, interwoven into his suit, for him to brush his fingers against and think to himself, be strong, peter. do it for your brothers."

peter had an uncle ben in his world, but his uncle ben died less than two years after his parents did when he was six and a half years old. peter thinks about how his uncle ben impacted his life in a much different life than the other peter's. his uncle ben's last words shaped his morals and his outlook in life, to the point that, when tony first showed up to recruit peter for germany, he had used his own wording based on what ben said to explain why being spidey is so important to him.

"he remembers ben shrugging, remembers him smiling, remembers him saying, "if i didn't help, it'd be my fault, too." the way he said it had been so simple, so sure - a philosophy he fully and passionately believed in."

actually just this whole section feels very important to me so i'm going to copy and paste it right here:

In a way, Uncle Ben played a significant part in Peter becoming Spider-Man, but not in the same way that the Other Peter’s seemed to be influenced by their Uncle Ben’s. Peter remembers that he didn’t think much of the last words he heard his Ben say for a while, but that they seemed to click in his head around the time he was nine or ten, and suddenly they were words he wanted to live by. Doing good, and getting in the way to stop bad things, no matter how big or how small, because then it’d be his fault, too, if he didn’t.

It’s what he told Mr. Stark, back when he was still fourteen almost fifteen and the man had appeared in his apartment. When you can do the things I can, he had said—not exactly what Ben had said, no, kind of added onto by Peter, altered with the weight of Spider-Man stacked on top of the same philosophy he already lived by—but you don’t, and then the bad things happen… they happen because of you.

It’s not what the Other Peter’s talked about, though��because Ben didn’t tell Peter that great power comes with great responsibility. Aunt May told him that. But, for the Other Peter’s, it had been an Uncle that lived longer than his own did.

Then again, the Other Peter’s didn’t have the Avenger’s, and they never had Mr. Stark. Maybe it’s just different because each world isn’t supposed to be the same, and that’s all there is to it.

also may's line from right before ben died, which peter later tells harley about when telling harley the truth about his life:

“You stupid Parker men,” May had scoffed. “Way too selfless for your own good.”

peter thinks that it feels important that uncle ben had such a huge role in shaping who he is, and how the ben's of the other worlds had such a huge part in the other peter's lives as well, even if it was in vastly different ways. he then thinks about how, out of the very few things that peter was able to get out of his and may's old apartment before it was cleared out, one of them happened to be a box of uncle ben's old stuff - including, at the very top of the box, ben's old camera.

peter learns how to use ben's camera to take pictures properly in order to then take pictures of himself as spidey to sell to the daily bugle. he thinks it's amusing and ironic that the pictures he takes are used for articles that slander spidey, knowing that jjj would probably lose his shit if he knew he bought the pictures from spider-man himself.

"everything seems to be trial and error these days - life was never a certainty before, but now it's pretty clearly up in the air and he's left scrambling to try and figure it out, approaching every corner completely blind to what he'll find when he turns it - but that's alright, because he's got the brain of a scientist and trial and error could just be another term for experiment, so it works out well."

that ^ quote is a nice tie in to the tony flashback that happens in chapter 16, where tony calls peter an observer and says that peter is always gathering information and how peter looks more than most people do because peter likes to be prepared and likes to understand.

peter spends new years eve alone (new years, 2024) and watches the fireworks while thinking about the other peter's not being alone before going back to patrol.

peter gets his first Big Injury since ending up completely on his own. he has no one to call and he has no super pain killers like the ones tony had made for him before tony died. the injury starts at his left hip, goes over his ribs, stops at the center of his chest. it was done with a knife. peter has to stitch himself up. it's the first time he's ever done stitches on himself.

he passes out after finishing the stitches and wakes up almost a full day later. thinks about his healing and how his enhancements are definitely being negatively impacted by his lackluster eating habits - he's broke as fuck and also doesn't have much of an appetite due to being traumatized and depressed.

"part of him wonders how drastic a change it really is - wonders if, maybe, the scars will stop fading away. for some reason, that's the thought that makes him feel sick to his stomach."

fun fact: this injury is the one that peter tells harley about in chapter 15 when harley is asking about some of peter's scars.

and that's the end of chapter one! these little recaps are entirely for my own benefit - the only reason i'm posting them is because giving myself the expectation and responsibility of posting them will make me actually commit to recapping every chapter, which will make working on chapter seventeen a lot fucking easier and will make it so i'm able to finish chapter seventeen a lot fucking faster.

i will be reblogging with the chapter two recap shortly

[yespleasetommyshelby]

That's twice now Tom!

Tommy Shelby x reader

Warnings: language, my writing?? It's rather rushed and hasn't been or off read

Enjoy! ❤️

---

"Nervous?" Aunt Pol's voice made me tear my eyes away from the reflection in-front of me, the big white dress, make up and hair done to perfection making me feel like a princess.

"A little." I whispered, smoothing my dress down once more before I turned to face her fully. "I can't help but feel like somethings off Pol." I sighed as my thumb played with the engagement ring sitting on my finger. "What?" I asked cautiously after hearing a small sigh escape her lips.

"It's nothing, I just-" she cut herself off with a shake of her head, not willing to admit to the girl who had become a daughter to her that she had had the same feeling all week. "I'm sure it'll be fine, now come on, let's make you officially a Shelby." She grinned, linking her arm with mine before leading me towards the door.

Just as she reached out towards the handle the door flew open with a red faced Ada and Arthur appearing making us take a couple of steps back.

"What is it? What's happened?" I asked concerned at the look covering the siblings faces. "Ada? What's going on?" I asked again as they both stood there staring at me in silence.

"Well? Spit out!" Polly all but yelled, finally kicking the two Shelby's into gear with Arthur speaking first.

"It's, uh, it's Tom." He muttered, his eyes flicking between me, Polly and the floor.

"What about him? Is he okay?" Rushed from my mouth as images of a beaten Tommy filled my mind, a sight I had seen all too often in our three years together.

"He's fine, he's alright." Arthur spoke quickly, his hands coming up infront of him as though he was trying to tame a wild horse.

"He's not coming y/n.." Ada trailled of quietly, so quietly that I barely heard what she had said, but I still heard.

"He's what?" I whispered, my eyebrows furrowed, yesterday before I had left to spend the night at Polly's we were wrapped up in each other's arms, whispering sweet nothings as he laid out his plan for the future into the quiet room, his plan that all started with me by his side.

"He said he can't do it because he's not good enough for you, he's a broken man after the war and he can't give you what you want, the white fenced house, three kids and a quiet life in the country, you deserve someone who can give you everything you could ever want or need and keep you safe from the darkness that is Tommy Shelby's world." Ada spoke with a strong voice, but the look in her eyes and the way her voice wobbled slightly gave away her true feelings that the words she was speaking were nothing but bullshit. "His words, not mine." She added on the end, sharing a sad look with Polly before all three sets of eyes landed on you.

"Bullshit." I spat with nothing but rage in my voice. "Keep me safe from his world." I repeated with a dark laugh as I shook my head, eyes squeezed closed. "What does he think I am? A fucking idiot? It's that tart of a barmaid and we all fucking know it!" I screamed snapping my eyes open as I tore the veil from my hair and threw it across the room into the mirror I was admiring myself in only moments before. "Where is he?" I growled, my eyes landing on Arthur as he shook his head slightly.

"You don't need to see him now aye." He gave me a small smile as he tucked his hands into his pockets.

"Arthur Shelby, tell me where he is now." I growled, my eyes narrowed as I kept them on him, the years we'd known each other helping Arthur to understand exactly what my look meant. 'Tell me before I punch you straight in the gut'.

"The Garrison." He muttered looking down to avoid the glare that Polly and Ada was currently sending him.

"Of-fucking-course!" I laughed to myself slightly before I threw open the door to find Tommy.

Ignoring the looks I got as I passed the collection of family and friends that were stood outside the church confused as to what was going on, I carried in my way not caring that my dress was dragging through the wet grass leaving stains of green across the bottom.

"Oi y/n/n! What's going on? Where are you going?" John yelled as he caught my figure walking away from the church.

"To murder your brother!" I yelled without looking back, my mind set on one thing and one thing only, Thomas fucking Shelby.

----

The time it had taken me to get to the Garrison did nothing to calm the rage that was still brewing inside of me, the once white dress I wore was now a greyish kind of colour with the bottoms painted a mix between the green of the church grass and the black grime that layered the streets of small Heath. Without a second thought I barged my way into the Garrison to see only two people, one of which being the one I was looking for.

"Y/N, listen, I-" his sentence was interrupted as my arm swung, connecting my palm with the side of his face, his head moving to the side from the contact.

"How fucking dare you?!" I seethed, my e/c eyes pinned to his light blue ones as he stood and stared at me in silence. The cheekbones that were once mine to stroke in the dead of night now a bright red with a slight gash where my ring had caught the skin.

"Maybe you should-" "Shut the fuck up!" I barked, my finger pointing at the blond barmaid who was stood to the side watching the silent staring match playing out between me and Tom. "You keep your fucking whore mouth out of my business!" I yelled grabbing a lone glass that was sat on the bar and throwing it in her direction behind the bar, the glass finding the row of alcohol on the back wall and shattering a few onto the ground below.

"You're not good enough for me? A broken man who can't give me what I want? You know what I wanted Tommy? I wanted you! No matter the danger, the enemies, the sleepless nights from the fucking nightmares! The guns, the blood, the fear, fucking everything! I would've gone to hell and back with you the second you asked and you know this! We've been talking about this day for almost 3 years now Tom, and you're just gunna throw it all away for what? For a blonde Irish girl with a pretty smile? The same one that appeared at the exact same time as that sleazy Irish inspector? What? Her pussy so good you can't see what's right in-fucking-front of you?" I screamed as I punched him in the chest multiple times, the man just standing there and staring down at me with his arms by his side, he knew he was wrong, he knew he'd broken your heart, and he'd take the pain for it, he may be leaving you for someone else, but a part of his heart will always be yours.

"Y/N, please list-" He started before I cut him off one last time. "No Tom, you don't get to apologise, you don't get to try and make me feel better, not anymore." I sighed as I shook my head, my anger fading and leaving nothing but pain as I looked up into his blue eyes. "I'm done Thomas." I smiled slightly before turning to walk away.

Reaching the door I pushed it open, taking a step outside before I stopped and turned around to face the pair one last time, my eyes moving from Grace to Tommy.

"Just know that when she fucks you over, and she will." I paused, my eyes focusing on the small smile on Graces lips before looking into Tommy's eyes for the final time. "I'm not going to be there to make the pain go away."

-----

3 years later...

It had been three years since the day I left small Heath for the hustle and bustle of city life in London, having cut contact with the entire Shelby/Gray family completely, not telling anyone where I had moved to, not even Polly, being in contact with them was too painful, the last I had heard was that Tommy had found Polly's son and Grace had done exactly what I thought she would, betrayed Tommy and disappeared to New York.

I can't help but sigh as my thoughts went back to Tommy, all the good and bad days we'd spent together, from our first meeting, our first date, kiss, night together to the day he proposed and the days we had spent planning every inch of our wedding, then finally to the day that it all went to shit. That day had done something good for me though, I had found a new passion in wedding planning and now spent my time preparing the weddings of other people to take the pain away from being horribly single and alone.

"Hey y/n." My assistants voice made me jump as she entered my office, my mind instantly snapping away from Tommy and back to the present. "Uh, Shelley had a meeting booked in but as you know she went into labour yesterday so.." she trailled off, closing the door softly before stepping towards me, her eyes watching me carefully as if waiting for a reaction.

"Okay?" I trailled off, already having discussed with Shelley that I would take over any weddings while she was away with the baby. "You know we already have an agreement so what's the problem?" I sighed, confused as the young girl stood with her hands fidgeting together.

"It's just that, uh, the clients are-" she was cut off as the door to my office swung open behind her revealing the last two people on the earth that I had expected, or wanted, to see.

Frozen just inside of my office was no other than Thomas Shelby, standing like a statue as he stared at me with raised eyebrows and wide eyes, raking over every inch of my body as though he was trying to make sure it was really me and not just his eyes playing tricks on him. Grace was stood just of to the side of him, slightly behind as her eyes narrowed towards me, her face twisting into a bitter frown when she realised just who was planning her wedding. Paying her no mind my eyes stayed glued to Tommy, he looked the exact same as the day I had left him standing in the garrison, except the bright red mark and gash that had once adorned his face was now gone, bar a slight scar from the gash, good, I thought to myself, a physical reminder of the day you fucked up.

"I see." I sighed as I was the first to look away, sending my assistant a small smile now realising why she was concerned about me taking the booking. "Thank you Annie." I nodded as she quickly excused herself before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

"Uh, right, uhm, take a seat." I muttered nervously, all self confidence going straight out the window as the two of them watched me with very different eyes, Grace's were full of jealousy and warning, as though she was expecting me to pounce across the desk and onto Tommy's lap at any second. While Tommy sat and watched me in silence, his expressionless eyes watching my every move, to anyone else he might seem indifferent, like seeing me hasn't just brought up years of memories and feelings, but to me, I could see it all, the confusion, the realisation, the guilt and the pain, he couldn't hide any of it from me, he never could.

"Is there nobody else who could do this for us?" Grace's voice interrupted the silence as she gripped onto Tommys arm fluttering her eyelashes up at him.

"No." He spoke with assertion, no room for discussion in his answer.

"Fine." She huffed crossing her arms over her chest as she leant back in her chair. "Let's just get this over with."

--

"So, that's the colour scheme, the flowers and the music sorted." I nodded to myself as I looked down at the list sitting on my desk. While it felt as though it lasted way more than an hour, the appointment hadn't been too bad really, minus the super awkward beginning and the fact that Grace seemed to want her wedding to be exactly like the one she had ruined for me three years ago, it was rather easy to pretend that Grace was just another bride while I ignored Tommy completely, not that he had much to put into the conversations giving a simple 'yes' or 'no' here and there while his eyes stayed firmly on me.

"Go out to the car, I'll be there in a minute." Tommy instructed Grace as they made their way to the door making both of our heads snap towards him.

"What? Tommy-" "Just go Grace, I'll be there shortly aye." He interrupted her, his eyes giving her a look that said there was no room for arguments right now. With a huff she grabbed her bag from besides the door and stormed off into the lobby.

"Tommy, I really don't think-" "So this is where you've been." He interrupted me without taking his eyes off of the door that Grace had just left through. "All this fucking time and you've been right here!" He roared making me jump slightly from the unexpected noise. "I had men looking for you! I spent months fucking looking for you!" He pointed as he spun around to face me, taking the couple of steps it took for him to be stood right infront of my desk as I looked up at him.

"Tom-" "What the fuck were you thinking?! Anything could've happened to you and I had no fucking idea where you were!" He continued to shout, his voice bouncing of the walls as his words echoed through the empty space. "You had me fucking worried sick!" He yelled as he leaned forwards and rested his palms against the desk leaning over slightly.

"You had no need to be worried!" I yelled back, standing up ignoring the loud clang that sounded as my chair fell over from the force. "You left me Tommy! Remember? You left me on what was supposed to be our wedding day!" I screeched as I leant forward placing my hands on the desk mirroring his stance. "You have no right to be worried about me! It's what you wanted isn't it? For innocent old me to be far away from you and your 'darkness of Tommy Shelby's world'!" I growled, repeating the words that Ada had told me that day, the words that repeated in my mind a hundred times a day.

"I never meant to hurt you." He spoke quietly, his tone a total 180 from what it was mere seconds ago.

"No? Well I hate to break it to you Tommy but you did, you hurt me in ways I never thought you could." My tone matched his, my words laced with nothing but heartbreak. "You hurt me like nothing had ever hurt me before." I whispered.

"It wasn't supposed to happen." He shook his head as he spoke, his eyes closed tight. "It wasn't supposed to fucking happen." He growled to himself as he pushed away from the desk pressing his hands to the side of his head.

"What wasn't supposed to happen Tom? Marrying me? Making me believe that we were about to start the rest our lives together as a happily married couple? My dream of finally becoming a Shelby? The dream that you created with all of your empty promises? Was none of it ever supposed to happen?" I seethed, my eyes watching as his back tense at my words.

"Grace!" He screamed as he turned to face me, his hands back down at his sides. "Meeting Grace was never supposed to happen!" The veins in his neck popped as his hands clenched.

"Yeah? Well it did Tommy. And you threw everything we ever had away, for her." I sighed as I shook my head, wiping away the tears that were starting to fall.

"Y/n, please, I'm so sorry." He sighed, his own voice close to breaking as the unshed tears forced in his eyes.

"It's too late for sorry's now Tom, Grace is waiting for you, you should go." I muttered, moving to stand by the window that over looked the parking, my eyes spotting Grace stood next to a black Bentley as she tapped her foot in anticipation.

"I'm sorry." His voice reached my ears.

Keeping my eyes on Grace I waited for the soft thud of the door closing to reach my ears before squeezing my eyes closed and dropping to the floor as the flood of tears poured down my face, looking up at the clock that ticked away I sat and sobbed not making any effort to wipe the tears from my face, feeling like my heart was breaking all over again.

---

I didn't see Tommy at the next meeting, or the one after that, or at all, Grace came alone with a list of instructions from Tommy, which listed what he didn't want at the wedding, all of which being the details we had at our own failed wedding. It had been six months since that first meeting where I'd seen Tommy again after three years, where my heart broke all over again and tomorrow was the big day, when Grace Burgess would officially become Grace Shelby.

Walking through the church I tried to swallow the sick that was rising in my throat, tried to ignore the stabbing pain in my chest as I went over the last of the decorations, making sure everything was in place and just the way that Grace has wanted it. She may have been marrying the man I was still in love with, the man that she'd stolen from me years prior but it was still her big day, she had won the heart of Tommy Shelby and all I could do was grin and bear it.

"Y/n!" A voice echoed through the empty church prompting me to turn and face Polly for the first time in years.

"Hi Polly." I smiled slightly, unable to ignore the tug at my heart at seeing her after all this time.

"Look at you!" She grinned as she came forwards and pulled me into her arms, my cheek resting on her shoulder as it always had done. "Where have you been girl?!" She exclaimed as we pulled away and she smacked me across the arm a few times.

"In London, making my dream come true for everyone else." I shrugged as I gestured to the intricately decorated room around us.

"Oh my poor girl, I've never forgiven him you know, none of us have for what he did to you that day." She gave me a sad smile as she rubbed my arms that she had just as assaulted. "This can't be easy for you." She sighed.

"It's fine Pol, time does wonders to fix a broken heart." I lied, flinching at the look she gave me.

"You're a terrible liar." She muttered as she reached into her purse to light a cigarette before handing one to me. "Come on, outside." She smiled linking her arm with mine and leading me down the aisle to outside.

---

"If you could please take your seats, the groom will be arriving shortly." I spoke as I stood at the front of the room watching as the two sides of the church filled with a very different dynamic. One side as full of uniforms and straight faced men while the other was full of rowdy Romani families with the Shelby's front and centre, Arthur, John and Finn being scolded by Polly for their ties being crooked or the jokes they were making about the cavalry.

All sounds stopped for a second as the doors to the church opened with Tommy appearing and making his way to his spot infront of the crowd with his head hung low, ignoring looks from both sides. As he lifted his head and his eyes met mine I could instantly tell there was something wrong, after knowing him since we were nine to spending 3 years by his side, the blank face he put on did nothing to hide the dark circles around his eyes or the fact that his face seemed skinnier, his already sharp cheekbones now sharp enough to be legally considered as a weapon.

"Tommy." I whispered as I stepped towards him, ignoring the pain in my heart as I said his name. "Are you okay?" I asked placing my hand on his arm as his eyes snapped up to mine.

"I fucked up sweetheart." He sighed as he shook his head. "I fucking fucked up." He laughed darkly to himself as he shook his head.

"What do you mean Tommy?" I asked concerned that he had done something to himself, or started some war that he couldn't finish this time.

"I-" just as he was about to speak the organ started to play as the doors to the church opened once more, stepping into the pews I took a seat besides Polly and watched as the crowd turned their heads to see Grace walking down the aisle on her fathers arm, a big smile on her face as she walked towards her future husband, even I couldn't deny the fact that she looked beautiful, her floor length purple gown like one straight from the movies, moving with her as she walked. Quickly blinking away the inevitable tears I moved to look at Tommy once again, his eyes on his future bride his eyes watching her every move, the look of love that I was expecting was nowhere to be seen, instead they was filled with a look that I remembered all to well, regret.

Everyone sat as Grace took her place besides Tommy, giving her father a chaste kiss on the cheek as he handing his daughter over to the most notorious gangster in Birmingham. As Jeremiah started his speech about love and commitment I couldn't help but catch Tommy's eyes as he looked around the crowd almost nervously, a look that I hadn't seen in his eyes since the day he asked me to marry him.

"Now, before I carry on." Jeremiah's voice pulled my attention away. "Does anyone here today know of any reason as to why these two can not be wed?" The silence that followed was unnerving, my hand squeezing Polly's as I wanted nothing more than to just up and leave, watching the wedding breaking my heart that little bit more. "Okay, well in that case, do you Grace Helen Burgess take Thomas Micheal Shelby to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" He carried on, the silence in the crowd suggesting no objections to the marriage.

"I do." Her words floated from her lips as delicately as possible, her eyes bright as she looked up at Tommy with nothing but love on her face.

"And do you, Thomas Micheal Shelby take Grace Helen Burgess to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" My eyes flickered to the ground, focusing on one particular speck of dust as I waited for those words, those 2 words that would confirm the union.

The silence that followed and the tight squeeze that Polly gave my hand forced me to look up, briefly meeting her sparkling eyes before turning to look at the alter where Tommy was stood, staring at me.

"No." He muttered, shaking his head as he dropped his hands from Grace's. "I'm sorry Grace, but I can't marry you." His deep voice elicited gasps from both sides of the crowd.

"Oh come on, that's twice now Tom!" Arthur yelled with a booming laugh, never having liked the blonde stood next to his younger brother.

"Arthur shut it! And you!" Polly hissed towards Arthur and John who had started to laugh along.

"Tommy? What's going on?" Grace asked as she tried to take Tommys hands back in her own only for him to take a step away from her completely.

"I thought it was you, when you walked into Small Heath almost four years ago I thought you were it, that I'd been wrong for the previous three years, but no." He paused as he turned to face the crowd, eyes pinned on me. "I had the one for me the entire time, I was just too blind to see it. I should've never left you that day, I broke your heart and for that I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix it, to make it up to you in any way, shape or form you deem fit. I'll apologise, I'll beg and I'll do whatever you want from me as soon as you say the word. Please, y/n, give me one last chance." He spoke, our eyes glued to each other as though we were the only ones in the room, ignoring the gasps and the whispering that erupted on Grace's side of the church, the woman just stood staring with wide eyes, unable to believe that the exact same situation she had caused years ago had come back ten fold.

"Tommy, I." I stood up, looking down at Polly and then towards the rest of the Shelby siblings before looking back to Tommy. "I can't... I can't do this again, I can't give everything to you just for you to kick me to the curb as soon as somebody else comes along, I can't handle being broken again." My words drifted to a whisper as a lone tear dropped down my cheek.

Without missing a beat Tommy rushed towards me, pulling me out into the aisle and using his thumb to rub the pesky tear away.

"I promise you love, there is nothing on this earth that could possibly make me walk away from you again, I swear on all that I have and all I will ever have, I will never hurt you again." He whispered, not caring about the number of people that had just witnessed the fact that Tommy Shelby really had a heart. "Just one more chance." He whispered as he rested his forehead against mine, both of our eyes fluttering shut at the connection.

"One more chance Thomas Shelby, hurt me again and I swear to god that I'll kill you, that's a promise." I breathed out, opening my eyes as he pulled away from me with the biggest smile spreading across his face.

Turning to face the crowd his smile dropped as he looked towards Grace and her family. "I'm sorry, but it seems you've had a wasted trip, there will be no marriage today." He spoke without a care, taking my hand in his as he squeezed it gently.

Standing quietly I stood at Tommys side as Grace and the cavalry left the church, Grace's sobs echoing through the silent room until the doors shut, shutting out the sound with them.

"What do you say love, fancy trying this thing again aye?" Tommy smirked as he nodded over to where Jeremiah was stood watching the scene with a stunned but knowing look on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the shelby's family and friends cheered at the prospect.

"Slow down there Shelby, you've got some making up to do first." I laughed with a smirk as he shook his head before taking my face between his rough hands.

"It was worth a shot aye?" He smirked as he brought his lips to meet mine, the familiar butterflies that erupted taking me back to that first kiss 6 years ago.

Sorry it's so rushed! Let me know what you think and feel free to send in any requests! ❤️