#this come from the fact i work in a medical clinic and some people are absolutely horrible in time management

[wttt-dirus-work]

Ok headcanon game

Which state is the one always on time, too early, a little late, too late, and dips out?

[kittyscupcakeandbunny]

CRAZY OVER YOU x MIN YOONGI

[HYBRID AU]

PART ONE

Love at first bite

Side Characters: Namjoon/doctor, Seokjin/doctor, Taehyung/Hybrid Tiger.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of blood, sharp objects, rut, beast behavior, medical experiments, meds.

Genre: Fantasy, hybrids au, smut.

SUMMARY》 Yoongi is a black mamba hybrid one of rarest species of hybrids, who’s about to be put down due to his lack of interest in living. But everything changes after the new medical assistance (y/n) takes a liking to him. Meeting after meeting he realise his feelings for her are not the only thing growing.

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My feet hurt. I’ve been running back and forth around the clinic way past my working hours already.

To be honest I think the assistants work more than the doctors, I should have gone home by now. My shift ended four hours ago. Yet i couldn’t go home.

Lately the clinic has been very busy, hybrids were coming in and out of the clinic to get treatment and the fact that so many rescued hybrids from the outside were coming, made the ones we had already been taking care of at the clinic agitated. With their higher level of hearing and smelling it was impossible to completely hide the different cents.

The world we live in is not the same anymore, we exists between hybrids. And I work in a clinic that takes care of them.

The biggest hybrid clinic in our city, is was more then just a clinic for hybrid species. It was a hospital, lab where scientific studies and research took place, and a clinic for treatments.

It was late at night when things seemed to have cooled down. I decided to drink some coffee at the cafeteria on the first floor.

Sitting down in one of the tables I put my hot coffee over it, taking the files of my patients for tomorrow morning in hand reading their appointments and preparing for it.

- yn! - I look up to see Hoseok, one of the assistants that worked on the especial cases.

- hey hobi - i greet him, he sits down in front of me looking more exausted than ever. - oh you look awful…

- don’t even tell me about it - he said - guess who was my patient today?

- no idea… - I tell him, taking a sip from my coffee.

- the snake hybrid - he said, I almost gagged in my coffee.

- no way! What is like? - i asked, the most special hybrid in our clinic was the rarest one. The black mamba hybrid.

- an asshole? - he said, I chuckled at him - no seriously, he’s so difficult to treat like he doesn’t eat because he doesn’t like the food, always complain about the people around him… and today, he bit my colleague be cause he didn’t like that way he smelled.

- he bit him? - i asked, completely amused.

- yes, he’s in the hospital by now - at his words I looked up at him worried.

- so… - before I said anything my phone start to ring. I sight tiredly - gotta go.

He only nodded understanding as I got up from my seat to leave.

- hey… - I say as I take the call. I threw the plastic cup of coffee in the trash can as I leave the cafeteria.

- boss is looking for you - he tells me. It was one of my coworkers.

- I’ll go then, thanks.

I turned off the call making my way to the elevators in the hallway. By boss he meant Seokjin, it was a nickname we all agreed on since he’s the director of the clinic. As I walked towards the elevators i kept wondering why he asked for me at this hour, Jin was usually so busy I could bearly talk to him not did I ever seen him having lunch break or any break at all. He always made sure the hybrids were well treated at the clinic and worked really hard for it.

From afar i notice Namjoon standing there in front of the elevator doors waiting for it, he was looking through some papers on his hand too focused to even notice my presence beside him.

- hey - i greet him.

- hey… - he reply, not looking my way. He had a hard expression on his features.

Once the door opened in front of us we both get in the elevator, me fallowing right after him. I press the bottom to the third floor.

- what is this? - I ask him intrigued, as he seemed completely focused on the paper to notice his surroundings.

- my new patient - he sighed now looking at me - he’s one of the rare hybrids we have and it looks like he’s going to get put down.

- what? Why? - I was genuinely surprised, rare hybrids were so special in the clinic one of them being put down could only meant one thing - is he sick?

- no - he said getting out of the elevator once the door opened at our desire floor, i fallow him - just an asshole.

- oh? - i was genuinely confused, but didn’t push him to tell me - You going to Jin’s office?

- yes - he said, lookin stressed - he called me to discuss this patient, what about you?

- He called for me but, I don’t know yet - i reply, we walked the long corridor till were finally standing in front of Seokjins office.

After nocking on the door and receiving a low “come in” from Seokjin we both made our way inside his office. Namjoon opened the door for me to get in first then he fallowed me behind, shutting the door. Jin sat on his desk, hands on his face as he covered his eyes in despair looking more tired than ever, a look i never thought I would see on his face.

- Jin you look… - he didn’t let me finish.

- I know - he sighted, now looking at us both in front of him.

- why did you called us? - Namjoon asked.

- I need your help with this rare hybrid case - He said.

Jin started walking around his desk to sit down.

- my father passed to me the responsibility of taking care of the… euthanasia of him.

- but why? - i asked.

- well… it’s been years and he never once put it in the effort to live - he said taking a few papers and giving it to me and Namjoon, the hybrid records - he’s not eating anymore, doesn’t get any heats, makes no effort on mating and doesn’t let anyone help with his shedding .

- Shedding? - i asked, so he means… the rare snake hybrid.

- yes. He’s now in your hands - Jin said, looking at me and Namjoon.

- you want us to do exactly what? - Namjoon asked - from the looks of it, doesn’t seem like we can do anything about it.

- you both will be working on this case with me, the big boss - he made a sing pointing up, signaling the higher ups, his father - found a female rare snake hybrid and he wants them to reproduce before euthanizing him.

I felt sick.

- are you kidding me?! - i said, stunted - you’re just going to… - I couldn’t even say it - after all theses years?

- I know that’s why i want you guys to work on it, - a long sigh left his lips - i only trust you both with this.

- maybe we can help him out and not put him down? - I tell him.

- believe me y/n - Jin looked at me deep in the eyes - we tried but…. Sometimes is better this way, is hard on him too.

I looked down at the papers in my hands.

Min Yoongi - snake hybrid.

Code: RED. Dangerous species. Specie: Black mamba.

Date of birth: Unknown. Male.

Current status: to be put down. Date: three months from now.

Resume: This patient needs to be prepared for a mating season as he had never had one, to ensure the precision and higher chances of reproduction of the rare hybrid species. The black mamba hybrid is to be taken care of from now to the time of mating, every side effect must be related to the one in charge of the case. To ensure assurance that this case will be dealt with assertiveness.

I felt sick.

….

I couldn’t help but think about it for the rest of the day. The fact that they would just give up on him after all these years of testing and keeping him lock up in here that he simply didn’t want to make any effort to live anymore, and how the clinic was just going to put him down not giving a single care about him for real.

They are going to end him right after they get him to reproduce, just to ensure they still have a rare hybrid of his specie. Another one to end just like him.

Looking down at the food in front of me I felt sick in my stomach at that. How could they?

- you look deep in thought - Namjoon said over me, he sat down in front of me after putting his tray of food on the table.

- sorry i just can’t stop thinking…

- about the hybrid? - he said - look I know you and I’m sure that’s why Jin chose you to assist me with this case but, let’s just make sure he at least leave in peace okay?

- okay..

No.

I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. You don’t know me Namjoon, I’ll make sure that hybrid lives.

No matter what it takes.

- we’ll meet him later right? - i ask him, he looks at me over his lashes as he holds his phone looking at it.

- yeah, after lunch - he takes off his glasses - are you ready to see the snake hybrid for the first time?

- yeah - I wonder what he looks like, most hybrids have some feature that help identifying what kind of hybrid they are. Does the snake hybrid has scales all over him? - he shouldn’t look too scary right?

Namjoon only giggle at my question, a knowing smile growing on his lips and my mind quickly realizing it.

- Kim Namjoon! You’ve meet him already! - i stated.

- of course I did, he had an appointment at six in the morning. - he said, a sight leaving his lips - What an ass.

- why so early? - knowing Namjoon hates waking up too early, he must felt stressed. Especially having to take care of a hybrid that demands so much more care.

- His sleep circle is different… - he started - and since we are trying to get him to feel the beginning of a heat so he can mate, his room was changed to acommodate him.

- oh… - realization hits me - so it will give the illusion of his heat beginning?

- yes, we also changing the room temperature to make it happen as naturally as possible - he said - the hotter the better.

- no way… - i said - I’ll have to work in hell too?

- trust me.. it doesn’t need hot temperatures to make it hell. - Namjoon looked at me - he’s good at that on his own.

- is he that bad? - he couldn’t be… right?

- I’ll let you see it for yourself - was all Namjoon said.

After lunch Namjoon passed me the instructions of our appointment with the snake hybrid, since he wasn’t eating he had to take vitamins straight into the blood.

To be honest i felt sad at that. You don’t eat when you don’t have an appetite, is he that bad in condition to not even eat? They’ve been neglecting him for so long and now are trying to force him to mate.

More and more i questioned if what i was doing was right.

I walk beside Namjoon towards the elevators, special hybrids stay on the sixth floor so that’s where we’re headed. They need to be separated from the other hybrids as their instincts are a lot more higher and demand more care, you can’t put cat hybrid in the same place you have a wolf hybrid. So we divided the floor for special species, wild hybrids in a floor and domestic hybrids in one. Of course there’s the special cases divided by codes, the snake hybrid was a code red which meant he was dangerous. Code reds are usually the hardest one to work with because they can and will hurt their doctors and especially other hybrids. Some don’t really mind the doctor but, other hybrids. Like a lion who sees a deer. They will always see them as a pray. So we have to keep them separate.

I look in front of me over the silver tray with the meds and vitamins he must take everyday, today Jin won’t be joining us he only will when much more serious procedures are to be taking action.

Namjoon is the one with the code to the hybrid door, each hybrid had their own room to accommodate all their individual needs. The snake room wasn’t different.

As soon as the door is open a heat of hot air hits me, the room is a bit dark but the lights get brighter as we enter, Namjoon walks towards the hybrid who lays on a big bed in the center of the room. Almost looking like a nest with all the covers and pillows around it.

I make my way to the table beside the door to prepare the meds and vitamins.

- good afternoon Yoongi - Namjoon says to the hybrid - time for your meds and vitamins.

- i don’t need it…. - a deep male voice says, the hairs in the back of my neck shivering at the sound of him - who’s is that?

He meant me. My heart skipped a beat at getting his attention. He is the first special hybrid I’ve ever meet. One of the most dangerous one too.

- that’s my assistant - Namjoon tells him, he’s talking about me - everything ready y/n?

- yes Joon… - i turn to him taking the silver tray with me.

Stopping in my tracks as I take in the figure of the hybrid. He didn’t look like anything i imagined, he didn’t have weird snake eyes and not was his skin full of scales like the reptile. He looked almost human… if it wasn’t for the almost unnoticeable scales on his neck that fallowed up to his ears so delicately, as he moved his head to the side eyes locked over my figure the scales shined a bit. A color of white pearl and soft grey.

He wore something different from what I was used to see on the other hybrids, while the others wore a type of pijama white clothing he whore silk shining bottom up shirt and pants.

Realizing i wasn’t moving and just staring rudely at the hybrid I quickly made my way to Namjoon to give him the meds. My checks burning.

- no - the hybrid said looking at Namjoon with a bored expression - i don’t like the way you smell… i won’t take anything from you.

- you still need to take your vitamins - Namjoon insisted taking one of the syringe from the tray.

- i said I don’t need it - the hybrid growls, coming closer.

- your condition tells me otherwise - Namjoon said to him, both looking at each other. The temperature seemed to rise even more as they looked almost like provoking each other. A silent fight.

The hyrbrid eyes found mine staring at his, he looked at me up and down no expression on his face. Than turned to Namjoon.

- she can do it - he said, a bored expression coming back to his features.

- she’s not in charge of that - Namjoon said, a stern lock on face - I’m the one who is, so get over it.

I looked at him chocked. He seemed angry. Namjoon who usually is calm and careful with his patients was now the complete opposite, he stood his ground and faced the hybrid as if trying to prove he was the Alfa.

And for the first time I was angry at him, not only this was a delicate case. The hybrid could attack if he felt threatened. That could only worsen the situation for the hybrid.

- I can do it Joon - i tell him quietly turning to him lifting the silver tray for him to take it. I gave him a nod of assurance. He looked at me than the hybrid.

- are you sure about it y/n? - he asked me, worry over his face now.

- of course i can - i assure him - I do it all the time.

His eyes locked with mine as he talked. I heard Namjoon sighed as he turned to me taking the silver tray from my hands.

Giving him a small smile I took the vitamins syringe, the hybrid stood in front of me opening his white shirt one bottom after the other eyes locked with mine to catch my reaction, I tried not give any reactions and keep my gaze eye level but it was impossible when he stood right there exposing his beautiful skin for me.

He wasn’t covered in scales as many would’ve imagine but definitely had a few on his ribs that fallowed down to his v line, just like before they shined a bit over the light a white pearl with silver. I gulped down eyes looking back into his as he stood in front of me reveling his left arm for me to aply the syringe. His eyes never once left mine, he had eyes so dark I couldn’t tell if there was any color in them black light the night sky.

I held his arm to insert the syringe into his skin, he didn’t move at all. During the whole processe he didn’t broke the eye contact. Cleaning the small bit of blood that came after taking the syringe off his skin. Namjoon gave me the next one, i apply it into his skin once again. After the last one, I cleaned and put a small piece of medical tape over it so it doesn’t bleed.

- I’m done… - i say, standing next to Namjoon. He gave me the tray and I took it to the table beside the door.

The hybrid began to bottom up his shirt. Namjoon look it up the papers for the hybrid next appointment as I took the small white cup with he’s meds walking back to the hybrid I held the cup up for him to take. He took the cup from my hand brushing his fingers over mine, his hand looking much bigger than mine, I kept my focus on that too nervous to look up into his dark eyes again. I held the water up for him, which he took it again brushing his fingers over mine. He drank it my eyes fallowing up at his neck starring at the scales over his skin. They looked so delicate almost like a painting over his skin, closer you could see that little silver that shined over the light. Not realizing he came closer until I felt his breath hitting over my face, making me look at him immediately. Dark eyes staring into mine with boredom, he tilted his head to the side coming closer inspecting my face.

- you’re not afraid? - he whispered, only for me to hear. My breath got stuck on my throat.

- should I be?… - I whispered back, swallowing hard. He looked down at me than back into my eyes, tilting his head to the other side black orbs staring deep into mine i fallow his move tilting my head to the same side. Complete hypnotized by him.

- any changes in your shedding? - Namjoon asked the hybrid, while writing something down on the paper. - it should have started already.

At hi voice I came back to reality, turning quickly with the two cups. Taking them to the table beside the door to despose of them int he trash can.

Making my way back to stand beside Namjoon once I was done, my eyes going back to the hybrid standing in front of us.

He had the same expression as before, unbothered.

- same as always - he answered tiredly, going back to his bed.

I saw the way his plain answer made Namjoon clench his jaw. He wasn’t making any effort to cooperate with Namjoon, I notice he was difficult but not an asshole. It was painful to watch them interact, Namjoon clearly didn’t like the way the hybrid acted but, I have dealt with a few difficult hybrids before this was only a way to protect themselves after going through so much.

This behavior seemed to be common with Wild species, I’ve seen it before with a lion hybrid I took care of before.

Sometimes you just have to be persistent, and careful.

- I heard it could be painful if not taken care of, is everything alright with it? - i asked this time, which made both males look at me.

The hybrid looked at me not saying anything for a while. Than he smirked and walked towards me making Namjoon stand closer to me protectively. He looked at Namjoon smile slowly falling forming into a bored expression again, showing how the presence of the other male affected him.

- I don’t want any of your help with it - he said, eyes locked into mine - last time…

- you almost killed one of our doctors - Namjoon interrupted the hybrid, one arm closing around me to put me back.

Almost…

- he shouldn’t have touched me - the hybrid said eyes burning over Namjoon, anger on his face.

Hands closing into fists, he walked closer to us standing in front of Namjoon. He was ready to attack if needed, if something is not done it could end very badly Namjoon doesn’t notice but with this behavior he is provoking the hybrid to act instinctively.

It is clear that the heat season has started for him and in mating season hybrids tend to get more competitive and sensitive, a male showing up to his space staring dominance wouldn’t do any good.

- you both stop - i said releasing myself from Namjoon standing between them both, turning to the hybrid I said - please, Yoongi let me treat you okay?

He didn’t like when people crossed his boundaries i get that, sometimes it could be very overwhelming. But knowing what they are going to do to him because of that behavior, i just couldn’t help but get in between them. It was something we could work out and maybe if i succeed they won’t put him down anymore.

- it is important that you go through your shedding the easiest way possible - i tell him - so I’ll be in charge of it okay? How is that?

He looked at me for a while, slightly turning his head to the side. Pundering the idea in his head. For some reason he looked me up and down before looking at Namjoon behind me, a small smile making its way to his lips.

- only if is you - was all he said before going back to his bed.

A sight of relief leaving my lips, even though I cloud feel the stare of Namjoon a glare over my back.

…

To say Namjoon didn’t like that idea was an understatement. He hate it.

Insisting it was a bad idea to proceed with hybrid treatment by myself, that could be dangerous not only that but the fact that the hybrid had poison on his teeth just like a snake would. It wasn’t lethal but enough to cause discomfort, and it was what had happened the last time they tried to help with his shedding.

But that didn’t changed my mind. Not after I actually meet him, it seemed to me he didn’t want any one close that felt threatening to him. He wasn’t just any kind of hybrid, not a dog that loves attention and touch but a snake one. Snakes always acted out when feeling threatened. Attacking was their only defense.

So it made sense to me that he would be reluctant to let anyone get too close, especially after heaving so many tests on him without his consent. He’s been so mistreated and now they want to put him down.

It angers me.

I decided to chose an hour where i knew Namjoon would be busy in a meeting to do that. No long after we had left the hybrid room he began to lecture me on how dangerous Yoongi could be, that i shouldn’t act like that when he was the one in charge of this case. It slipped his mouth that the clinic simply started to give him vitamins when he stopped eating so he wouldn’t die.

It came to me how neglected he’s been this whole time. After that i decided to secretly go to the hybrid and feed him, which was where i was headed now.

I made sure no one was around once i stopped in front of the hybrid door. Using the number code I saw Namjoon used before to open the lock on it. It made a sound before opening.

The hot air hitting my face as I entered, they had turned higher this time it was hotter than before. The lights slowly began to light up as I walked in, the door closing behind me automatically.

At that the hybrid came up from his bed looking confused at me. Of course. I shouldn’t be there.

- hey - i greet him. He doesn’t say anything.

I walk up to him, stoping in front of the nest looking bed. A sing of his heat starting. That was a good sign. He held himself up with his arms looking my up from the bed.

- why are you here? - his voice was low and heavy.

- I just… - I trailed off as he fully lifted his body form his laying position, now sitting on his bed. Shirt open and sliding off his shoulders, not showing much but enough to see his scales.

He looked me over his lashes checks a bit red and sweat falling over the side of his face.

- i brought you something… - a sight left his lips - are you okay?

- yeah… what did you brought me? - his curious dark eyes following my body as I came closer.

- it’s tangerines - i say, showing him the two fruits i held in my hands.

- what’s a tangerine? - he asked eyeing them closer.

- you don’t know? - i gasped. Sitting beside him i slowly began to open one in a half giving it to him, he smelled before looking at me not knowing what to do.

- I never seen one… smells nice - he said.

- you eat it - i tell him, taking one and holding in front of his lips. He didn’t move at all, only looked at me.

For a moment I thought I had crossed his bounderies, for a moment I thought I was just being stupid. But then it came to me, he hasn’t eaten in years. He don’t even know what a tangerine is.

Maybe he didn’t even felt hunger anymore. Maybe he’ll throw the stupid fruit at me.

My checks were getting warmer as I felt nervous but, slowly he smelled the fruit in my hand taking a careful bite of it. Still looking at me, the juicy fruit spilling a bit in my fingers.

I watched him expectedly, wondering if he will like it or hated. He swallowed and looked at the fruit in my hand.

- that’s good… - he said. I sight of relief left my lips.

- you want more? - i asked him, he nodded slowly making me smile.

He didn’t move a single finger to eat though, I had to feed him the two tangerines the whole time. It didn’t bother me though, I felt so happy seeing him eat something other then taking those vitamins.

It means so much in the process of a hybrids treatment that they are feeding themselves, i couldn’t hold my happiness as I watched him.

Once he eat all of them he looked at me then at my hands, dark eyes shining under the light.

- sorry it was all I got - I tell him. - I’ll bring you more if you want.

- you will? - his eyes shining bright as he looked at me. I nodded at him.

- can i ask you… why you don’t eat? - i said, he doesn’t look at me turning to look at the floor.

- I don’t… feel like it… - he simply said.

He looked so sad now. No appetite wasn’t good. When in the absence of sickness it could only mean he was very depressed. They wanted to put him down because he was depressed.

I wouldn’t let them.

- You don’t seem to mind me around you… - I comment.

- you smell good. - he said, turning to look at me - and delicious, like tangerines.

I chuckled at his comparison. He watched me attentively, a different light on his dark eyes now.

- okay… I try my best to take care of you - i tell him. For a moment he only stares at me.

Red checks and bit of sweat on his chest, he turned his head to the side still raring at me. I fixed my glasses feeling a bit intimidated by his deep stare.

- You… - before he could end his sentence the door opened.

Namjoon entered the room looking at us confused, his eyes falling over my presence there. I shouldn’t be here. It’s what I read in his eyes.

- yn? - he asked, confusion clearly on his voice as he walked closer to where I was with the hybrid.

- Oh hey I was just… - i tried to make up an excuse but he cut me mid sentence.

- Leaving, right? - he interrupted. I swallowed nervous. He was never hard on me, hearing him be like that wasn’t nice.

- Yeah… - i murmured, taking the fruit peels with me as I got up from the hybrids bed.

- No… - Yoongi held my wrist stopping me, turned to look at him but he stared at Namjoon.

- You have an appointment with me now, it doesn’t include y/n so let her go… - for some reason Namjoons way of putting what he was doing there made me nervous.

I know he would never hurt a hybrid, but yoongi was very reluctant to any one else being too close to him. Namjoons display of dominance could make him defensive and things might not go well.

- maybe I could help - i tried to sound calm.

- y/n, your here to assist me not take over the procedures - Namjoon tells me, his words sending a sharp sting in my heart.

I couldn’t find words to reply his. Too embarrassed by his words to me in front of the hybrid, i bit into my lower lip. Not looking at them.

- Let her go yoongi - Namjoon said walking towards us.

At his words I realized Yoongi was now standing behind me, hand still around my wrist. His slow breathing hitting my shoulder. I lifted my gaze to Namjoon who now seemed a bit worried. But the hybrids closeness to me wants what made me uncomfortable.

- Yoongi… - Namjoon warned.

- Joon don’t - I tell him holding my hand up for him not to get closer - can you wait a bit?

He looked at me reluctant before nodding, still not taking his eyes off the hybrid. I turned to Yoongi slowly, a small smile on my lips as I stared into his deep dark orbs, to make sure he knew I was fine.

- Are you okay? - he asked me, I looked at him surprised. - he hurt you with his words.

I couldn’t hide my surprise at his words, he could tell from just that?

- It’s okay… I don’t care about his words - I whispered o him, giving him a small smile.

I tried to take my wrist from his hold but he didn’t let go, not to hard to hurt me. I could tell he was being careful not to use his full strength on me.

- Will you came back? - he asked, eyes looked into mine.

- Of course. - i tell him.

With that he let go of my wrist.

I turned to Namjoon taking his arm to leave the hybrid room. He reluctantly fallowed me towards the door of the room. Once we were both outside I kept my hold on his arm taking him with me around the corridor towards the elevators.

- where you taking me? - he asked, as if nothing had happened earlier.

- To Seokjin, we need to have a talk - i tell him, anger boiled over me.

- We? - he pushed his arm out of my grip - You’re being the irresponsible one not me!

- I’m!? - I stopped in the middle of the corridor, turning to him anger building up through my body.

- Yes! - he stated, closer to me - Do I need to remind you of your position here?

- Do I need to remind you of your stupid ego standing between the safety of a hybrid and your pride?! - i yell at him.

At that he went quiet.

- were talking with Seokjin now. - i state - I won’t let you make this whole processe more difficult than it has to be just because of your pride.

I held his arm again, taking him with me to the elevators. He didn’t say anything else anymore, I could tell he was angry but so was I.

The whole time he was only stating dominance over Yoongi, I was tired of them all thinking that could just hurt the hybrid even more now just because she was going to be put down.

I wouldn’t let them.

The walk to Seokjins office was quiet except for the tense energy around us, once I stood in front of his door I don’t bother to nock. Entering with anger burning under my skin.

Seokjin gave me a curious look, as he was folding some paper on his desk.

- sorry Jin - i say. He looked at me and Namjoon a questioned look on his face. - we need to talk about Yoongi.

- oh, right - he says - what is it?

- She’s being… - Namjoon started, but I interrupted him.

- Yoongi has been showing clear signs of discomfort with male doctors - at that Namjoon scoffed, I looked at him angry turning my gaze to Jin as I continued - he say he will do the appointments as long as I’m the one closer to him.

- I see.. - Jin thinks for a moment before continuing - what’s the problem?

- Namjoon is not letting me - i tell him, arms crossed over my chest.

-She just went into his room without any one knowing and… - Namjoon began.

- And gave him food - i say, looking at him. We both shared a look of hatred before Jin interrupted.

- What? - Jin asked.

- He eat… - I tell him.

- He… he eat food? - they both looked at me surprise.

- Yes, I’m sure I can help a lot more with this case if you let me take charge of the procedures that involves more… closeness to him, he’s been through a lot and seemed more calm around me.

- I see… - Jin pondered the idea first - then as long as you’re not alone for safety reasons, I don’t see a problem with you taking charge of his appointments.

- But she’s.. - Namjoon says, but is cut by Jin.

- Namjoon, y/n has been taking care of hybrids for years she knows what she’s doing, please I need you both working on this together - Jin says, sounding tired.

Namjoon only nods.

- any updates about him? - jin asked.

- i can tell that his heat i starting - I say - his behavior at least shows me that.

- okay… we’ll than we are almost there - Jin says - keep that good work and please, do this together.

- thanks jin - i tell him, he gives me a nod and i make my way to leave the office.

Namjoon stayed behind. I didn’t payed much mind to it. Quickly making my way out of there walking to the elevators, I had a lot of work to do other than Yoongi case.

More patients that needed treatment just as badly, not the he wasn’t just as special to me.

…..

It was late at night again.

I wasn’t planning to staying late again but, a hybrid was just checked in after being attacked by a another wild hybrid. The same case has happened before, that is way wild hybrids where never up for adoption. Yet some people always manage to get them, usually never for good reasons.

The poor hybrid this time was a bunny one, I was surprised when I first saw him. Usually bunny hybrids where the smallest species to exist but, this one was big. Not too tall but very muscular and strong.

When he was checked in he was still in defense mode, attacking every one and very scared. They had to apply a sedative on him to finally be able to put him on his room.

You could guess my reaction after I was told the story and short after that, Hoseok told me I was the one in charge of his case.

My shift ended hours ago and yet here I was cleaning cuts on the face of a bunny hybrid who seemed to know nothing about shutting up.

- such a pretty doctor I have.. - he said, a smile on his lips as he looked at me.

- Jungkook stop talking I’m trying to apply the med on your lip… - i tell him for the fifth time already, he only chuckled.

I sight taking a clean cotton with med to clean the cut over his eyebrow, he was sitting over his bed as I stood between his legs to clean his bruises.

He shouldn’t be awake. He was sedated before but, no long after he was wide awake and talking none stop, he commented on my but and how lucky he was to be treated by me.

I only sighted. That was knew. Usually my patients where too scared to be treated at first. So I just brushed off his comments.

Jungkook was abandoned when younger by his last owner, he then grow up in an underground fighting club where clandestine fights were held. He told me he was the best one there, a lot of people bet on him at the fights until he got in trouble with this one wolf hybrid.

- how did you end up here again? - I asked him.

- I was… - his checks went red and he looked down - to be honest I’m still.. ah, I was in heat…

- oh.. - I looked at him, still no understanding. He was shy, ears dropping beside his head.

- I was trading to mate but… so was the wolf… - he said.

- but you’re…

- she wasn’t like me… - he tells me, realizing what he meant I felt a warm wave up my checks.

Different species trying to mate, that was the first time I heard that, the underground has a lot going on than.

- well… it could happen - I say, making sure I cleaned every bruise on his face - here in the clinic we help our hybrids with all their needs, so don’t worry.

- oh.. will you treat me than doctor? - he asked, amused.

- yes, you’re my patient - i tell him, taking his file to prescribe him his medication and future exams.

- humm… - he only murmured - doctor are you in heat?

His question gets me by surprise and I look at him, mouth opening and closing. Just what was going on now? Did he perhaps hit his head too?

At my expression he chuckled one arm closing around my waist as he pulled me closer to him, I gasped feeling his nose against my neck. Not knowing what to do I held my hand up in the air, too afraid to even touch him. The smallest reaction could start something I wasn’t intending to.

- I can smell in you… - he says over my ear, my checks burning hot - hum, ready to be filled…

At his words i tried to push him, hands over his chest only to find his eyes staring deep into mine his checks where red and pupils full. It hit me. He was still on his heat.

That explains his behavior the whole time. How could I not notice earlier?

- you’re still in heat - i state. He only chuckled.

- am i? - he came closer to kiss me but i immediately pushed him down the bed - oh, I like that… doctor you’re making me fall for you…

I ignore his nonsense as I made my way to grab a sedative, bunnies were the hardest ones to deal with when on their heat, first I would have to put him to sleep before giving him the medicine to lessen his heat. At least till we are done with his treatment. Then we would put him to mate the right way.

Coming back to him I stared at him think where I would apply it, he didn’t stop moving. I stood between his legs holding the sedative behind my back.

- Jungkook… - i tried to get his attention, he looked at me immediately- I need to do something for me okay?

- yes pretty doctor- he tried to get up but I quickly held his chest down, he smiled at me. He looked as if he were on drugs, high on his heat.

It could only mean things were getting worse, he wasn’t on full rut but was getting there. It would be impossible to treat him if he’s on rut.

- don’t move okay? - i tell him, his hand held mine over his chest as he nodded.

Without him noticing i insert the syringe into his thigh, he’s so into his heat to even notice the pain.

I count ten seconds in my head before releasing my hold over his chest, he doesn’t try to get up.

- oh I’m sleepy… - he says, hand falling from mine as he closes his eyes slowly going into deep sleep.

A sight of relief leaves my lips once he falls asleep. I prepare some medicine to calm his heat, I wasn’t a fan of suppressants but in this case is needed. Just until we are done treating him. Than I’m sure he will be put into mating process so he can have a safe and healthy heat.

After I’m done giving him his medicine, I write it down his next appointment and a new prescription.

Leaving the room I sight, my right hand massaging my neck. I look over my phone to see the time realizing it was way past eleven. Walking down the corridor to the elevators, my ringtone woke me up from daydreaming about my comfort bed.

- yes - o took the call.

- hey y/n - it was Jin - did you check on the special hybrid?

- wasn’t Joon going? - I said, confused at his words. He told me he would.

- no he head an emergency at home and had to leave - Jin explained, I sight.

- oh, i will than - i tell him.

- you seem tired y/n do you want me to go instead? - he offers.

- no is fine… - i tell him - he die a know you yet, it could make things difficult.

- okay - Jin says - call me if anything happens.

- I will, thank you.

I turn off the call, getting in the elevator. I push the bottom to the floor of the special hybrids where. My eyes feeling a bit heavier, I tried to push it away. Just one last check up and I can go home.

The elevators doors opened at the floor, the sound waking me up from my tiredness. I quickly made my way through the long corridor with doors to Yoongis room.

Pressing the code on the lock beside the door, it opens making a sound. The hot wave of air hitting my body as usual once i made my way in, the lights slowly turning back on.

Once they’re on I made my way to his bed, panicked at not seeing him there or any sing of him at all.

- Yoongi? - i call out his name, locking around the room but still no sight of him.

My heart begins to beat faster, as my mind runs different scenarios of what might have happened. Worry filling my body as I throw the papers i gel in my hand on the floor, taking my cellphone to call Jin as I turn to leave the room.

Still with eyes locked on my phone i don’t notice the lights slowly turning off, nothing takes my attention from the cellphone until arms close over my wrist turning my around.

My phone falling on the ground as he pushed me against the wall, both hands holding my wrists over the wall above my head.

- Yoongi?! - I stared into his dark orbs, relief filling me up. - I thought something happened to you…

He didn’t said anything. A hard look over his features, I couldn’t decipher what it meant. He held me tighter coming closer to my face.

- why do you smell like trash? - he spat.

- what? - I was so lost.

I knew I worked late but, is not like didn’t look out for myself. Working at the clinic I had to make sure I was always clean. I couldn’t understand what he meant.

- you stink of male rut… - he spat at me, hissing at the end. Eyebrows furred into an angry expression.

I should’ve thought about that before coming here stray after treating a hybrid on heat, shit. Knowing how Yoongi was sensitive about others males I should’ve at least put on some perfume.

- it’s not like that… - i tried to lessen his anger but it only seemed to make it worse.

- I don’t care… - he pushed himself away from me - don’t ever come back here smelling like that again…

- I won’t - i tell him, still not moving I watched as he walks back to his bed. - im sorry, I didn’t have time to… wash this off.

He doesn’t say anything, sitting on ver his bed he looks at me from afar.

- tomorrow will start your shedding treatment… - i tell him, still not moving from my spot.

At the smell of another male it was better did I kept my distance so it wouldn’t be too overwhelming for him who had a much higher sense.

- i just came to check on you, to make sure…

- come here - he interrupted, he voice sounded heavy almost a growl.

I would be lying if a said I wasn’t afraid, my phone was lost somewhere in this room and I had no way of calling for help if something happened. Although I knew he wouldn’t do something to hurt me i couldn’t be sure, the situation was a lot different now.

I could say something but, his instincts would say another complete different than mine.

Still I made my way towards him. Stopping a few steps away from him.

- closer… - he sighted. Dark eyes looking me up and down.

I gulped down, making my way closer to him. Stopping in front of him.

He looked up at me boxers getting up from the bed, close enough to kill me if he wanted to.

- was it a patient of yours? - he asked, voice low and raspy. He meant the smell.

- yes… - i manage to whisper, I felt so small in front of him. Like a pray.

- you’ll see him again? - he asked, taking a step closer. No distance between us. His breath hitting my face.

- yes… - i tell him, my eyes finally looking up at his.

He only nodded understanding.

- I don’t like this smell on you - i says, making me gulp down as i looking into his eyes. - but i understand…

He pushes me against him it happens so fast, once I notice he is pressing me down on his bed. Both his legs on each side of my hips, he held my arms up against the nest of covers and sheets.

Keeping them up he slides his hands down my arms over my sides, one finger playing with the bottoms of my shirt.

- you look healthy… - he murmurs eyeing me up and down.

- what…

He didn’t let me finish. Opening my shirt he went down over my chest, I gasped in surprise. Turning my face to the side, I expected anything except what he did.

I slowly opened my eyes at the feeling of his hot breath over my neck, my own breath got stuck in my throat the moment I felt the wetness of his tongue sliding over my chest up my neck.

- what are you doing? - I asked, my voice was only a whisper.

- taking that disgusting smell off you - he said over my neck.

- oh…

- but you’ll see him again… - he said, I turned to look at him.

- I have to, his my patient - i explained.

- than this won’t do… - he whispered more to himself, one hand holding my chin up he slowly turned my face to the side.

With my neck on full display for him he came closer, this time whispering over my ear.

- have you ever been bitten by a snake?

At his question my mind rushed with realization, my heart beating faster as his lips brushed over my skin. I tried to move my legs but he only used his body weight to held me down, my hands over his shoulders trying to push him away were quickly held up over my head with his left hand.

He chuckled at my useless try’s to get away from him.

A gasp leaving my lips immediately at the feeling of his sharp teeth carving my skin, tears filling my eyes at the painful sensation of his teeth inserting his venom on me. His hands slowly leaving his hold over me, i couldn’t move.

Once he took his teeth out of my skin, I groaned in pain. Feeling the warm liquid fall down my neck, he licked over the bite. Hand holding my chin to look at him.

- don’t worry… it will feel good soon - I looked up at him, his voice was a whisper in the dark.

My mind felt dizzy, vision getting blurry the heat of the room wasn’t helpful. My whole busy was burning, I tried to push him away but as soon as my hands came in touch with the silk over his skin my entire body responded, a wave of electicity coming up from the tips of my fingers to my whole body.

- Yoongi…

My eyes began to get heavier and heavier, hands falling beside me as I fell asleep.

Not before I felt his warm finger trace my jaw softly, his voice so far away I couldn’t make out what he said before I fall completely asleep.

Am i dying?

Next?

Notes: YES FINALLY!! Hehe I’m sorry for any grammatical typos! ☺️💖

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[winterarmyy]

Must Be Fate

Prequel to And You're Mine. This is the story of how Y/N first met her cute, chubby alpha!bucky.

Summary: Y/N has been crossing paths with this particularly sweet alpha all day long; this must be fate right?

Navigation: Prequel || Main Story I || Main Story II || Main Story III

Pairing: chubby alpha!bucky x omega!female!reader

Words: 4.2k++

Warnings: a/b/o dynamics. fluffy stuff. sort of fated mate themed because... love at first scent(?). instant love. the reader was just smitten without even knowing bucky's name, alpine making her appearance, 99.9% reader's pov because she's the one who fell in love and remembers him. Dialogue? almost little to none (I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT). And I little shout out to one of my favourite book.

P/S: Been busy these few days, i just graduated my bachelor's degree, then went through the whole job hunting process and somehow managed to land an offer (in another state btw), then went on a stressful house hunting journey and managed to get decent place. Yknow, all those "adulting" stuff (that i am not ready to face). But yeah, here's a little something from my wip that I managed to finish. Happy reading! 🤍

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Y/N herself might not notice it, but she had been stealing glances through the pretense of the book she was supposed to be reading for quite some time now. Not that she wanted to be distracted anyway; she was rather enjoying her current read, especially the banter between main characters, Liesel and Rudy.

Yet for some reason, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from the particular alpha sitting on the park bench, right across from her.

It seemed that the man was also distracted with his own personal dilemma as his thoughts were lost within the arrangement of peonies in his hand. There was this deep frown decorating his features yet his eyes translates a different type of emotion. More gloomy, more somber. And Y/N knew exactly why.

She never meant to follow Bucky around, in fact, she didn’t. It just happened that his paths were fated to intertwined with hers; and it all started that afternoon.

The bus was packed full, albeit it was Saturday, but thankfully she managed to find herself a seat.

Since Y/N was getting closer to her heat, in about a week or so, and her scent blockers were nearly out. She just got back from a nearby clinic to restock and now she had a full day for herself.

The thing about her pre-heat condition is that she was fortunate to not experience the normally unpleasant symptoms like any omega would; she doesn't get irritated easily and she didn't have to go through those random aches and fever.

However, she had a particular symptom that differs from the other omega; which involve the irregular increase of her scent.

During pre-heat and all throughout the actual heat, Y/N’s scent tripled the amount of a normal omega in heat. And since, she refused to take suppressants, the doctor prescribed her with a high dosage of scent blockers instead; to mask her scent completely during pre-heat.

Besides her own scent thickens and heighten, her sense of smell was also affected. It will become so senstive that she can smell everything and everyone, all at the same time.

Unfortunately for her, there weren’t any medication to combat that issue and the only solution she could do was wearing a mask to lessen affect of other people’s scents. But of course, the mask can only do so much especially when she was in a tight confinement of a bus with – what feels like – 2000 people crammed into it.

Too many potent scents coming from every direction, that her head spun into nausea.

Sure, she might be a little bit exaggerating about the amount of people in the bus, but it felt awfully like it when the bus stopped in every bus stop in its route; she can physically feel the inertia of the force pushing her to lean forward.

Thank god, she was sitting down; she managed to hold on the seat in front of her for support. Often times she would whisper her apologies to the man sitting in front for the sudden push of her hand, And most times he only nodded without looking back.

But at one of those stops, unfortunately, the teenager standing next to her bumped his head right onto the metal pole. Poor thing quickly scurried out of the bus in pain and embarrassment.

The density of people became lesser at that stop, but not enough to empty any seat in the bus. Though it worked well for her that most of the strong scents were fading into a much more bearable capacity for her to endure.

While streams of people exited the bus, only one came aboard; a sweet old lady. The moment Y/N saw her, she was already thinking of giving up her seat, but the man sitting in front of her beat her to it as he swiftly stood on his feet and help the old lady to his seat.

The old lady gushed and thanked the man, dearly patted his cheeks like any grandmother would do to their grandchildren.

And in that brief moment of time, when he moved, Y/N picked up a particularly sweet scent trailing behind him and when he came back, it hits her like a train. At first, she can sense some sort of floral; roses and jasmine but with time the smoky sandalwood and spicy cinnamon seeped through. The combination of sweet and woody notes made such a warm and captivating scent.

She never knew an alpha can smell this good.

Her eyes fluttered close as the alluring scent flooded her brain, letting his scent creates the dreamy images of his fingers lacing between hers as they walk in the rain, or him cuddling her in the heat of the fireplace during the winter, or his body trapping her by the back as she takes his huge delicious kno—whoa.

That was way too vivid and a tad too far.

She was so enthralled by his scent that she forgot to even look at the man’s face. And a mistake it was for her to take a peek because he is absolutely gorgeous. The brown locks on his head was neat and clean that she just wanted to make a mess out of it. His eyes were pretty in steel-blue and his plush lips was simply a sin to look at.

Though some would argue about the lack of shape in his jawline, the same one that was hidden between his chin; she didn’t care at all, rather she was particularly fond of the softness on his chubby cheeks. Shaved so clean and smooth that she couldn't find a single razor cut on his skin.

They look so cute and kissable. She want to kiss his cheeks, his lips, and every part of his ridiculously handsome face. She wanted kiss him so badly.

And those intrusive thoughts made her almost missed her stop.

Y/N panicked when she scurried out of the bus that she didn't even thought to ask him for his name or number; anything.

But then again, she wasn't the type to be so bold in the first place; she knew wouldn't have the courage to even speak a word to him. His scent alone almost pushed her into a frenzy, so imagine if he would look at her with those beautiful eyes of his, smile at her, talk to her?

She'd simply die. She was sure of it.

So, with regrets Y/N walked towards the familiar road right into the local bookstore that she often visits. Thinking that this encounter would probably be forgotten by the end of the day.

Then she spent hours in that shop trying to find the perfect book to put her out of the miserable reading slump she was currently in. While her eyes skim over the covers of the book in display, in the back of her head, Y/N was almost certain of how unlikely it was for her to see the alpha ever again.

Couple of turns later, her footsteps trailed back to the space in between the bookshelves next to the huge glass window of the store. Still glancing absentmindedly at the book covers particular on the historical fiction isle. She halted when she saw it, the book that people had been recommending to her, 'The Book Thief'.

After reading the summary behind the book, she felt drawn to it almost instantly. Thinking that maybe this would be the book that will replenish her interest of reading back to its utmost glory.

But when she lifted her head up, she froze yet again. This time, not because the sight of a book. But it was the silhouette of the alpha she saw in the bus. Instinctively, her feet step closer to the glass window, to have a better look at the man across the road.

The alpha had just exited the flower shop opposite from where she was standing, with a gorgeous bouquet of peonies in his hands. Now that she looked closely, his hands were covered with black leather gloves; it intrigued her and she wondered about the story behind it.

Y/N wasn't that dense; she could see it right away from the way he dressed, to the choice of gift he went for. She knew instantly that the alpha was probably going out on a date.

And that stung her a little bit. How nice it must be to be his date, his girl, his omega.

Funny of her to think so when she never really talked to the guy. Let alone know him well enough to decided whether he's a good alpha or not. But something about him felt right to her.

But, sometimes it'll be like that. Falling in love so strongly, so instantly. And there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you know how to protect yourself; your body, your heart.

When her gaze moved upwards to his face; and her heart almost escaped her body. It was so quick, so faint. But, she saw his smile. It wasn't for her but it was so pretty. Y/N felt like a bow just struck her chest and the cupid was trying to pull it back out.

She knew full well how she probably need to move on from this delusional crush of hers yet her eyes still longingly lingered at his moving figure, walking farther away from her sight.

When she thought that would be the last time she saw him, she was utterly wrong. Now, it felt like devilish cupid was toying with her heart as their path crossed yet again, this time at a nearby cafe.

She didn't notice him at first, at least until she placed her orders and saw him sitting alone at the far corner of the cafe. He seemed to be waiting for his date; the flowers laid perfectly on the seat next to him.

In contrast of the few looks of his that she had witness before, the alpha's demeanour indicates anxiousness.

His heel keeps tapping the floor, causing his knees to jump up and down, as he fiddled with his phone. Occasionally, he would look at the time and put it down. Just to do the same thing over again only seconds later.

And that made her wondered if this was his first date with whomever the person he was supposed to be seeing. She knew those feelings all too well. It was only canon that he felt the jitters on his first date, she'd been there too.

When her drink was served, Y/N decided to stay awhile longer. She didn't know what she was expecting from this but she wanted to make sure he was okay. Or maybe she just wanted to see who was the lucky girl. So she found herself a seat, a little bit discrete yet enough to see him from where she sat.

Pulling out her new purchase, she decided to pass the time with some light reading, maybe getting herself comfortable with the world building in the book and get to know the main characters in the process. In between those moments, Y/N would peek above the book, particularly at the sight of that beautiful stranger from across the room.

Pages upon pages she drowned herself to the words of the author that she didn't notice how time flies passing the half an hour mark; and the cafe started to get more crowded and rowdier. Certainly, the amount of potent scents had were floating around her were slowly getting to her.

Y/N knew if she stayed a longer, she'd surely throw up whatever drink she just had. So, she decided to leave. But not before glancing at the alpha – who was still waiting for his date – for one last time, then she pulled the door open and walked away.

Certainly, that was supposed to be the last time she see him right? Nope. The universe proved her wrong when the man found a seat on the bench opposite her. With the same bouquet of flowers in his hands.

And at this point, she thought that this must be fate. There's no other explanation than this.

When she lowered her book again, she saw a white feline rubbing its head on Bucky's legs. It was too far to hear its voice but considering the amount of time its mouth open, Y/N figured it was meowing at him.

Probably to get his attention, or just wanted to comfort the alpha because just from the look of it, she knew he was stood up by his date. And Y/N was unexpectedly mad about it; maybe it was from personal experience or maybe it was just because she couldn't accept the fact that this fine, gorgeous, sweet alpha was being stood up.

Y/N watched how Bucky put away the flowers and scooped the cat onto his lap. He squinted his eyes at the ball of fur and spoke something. She hadn't had a clue what he said but it was probably along the lines, "Are you lost, little one?" He scratched its chin and neck while trying to see if it has a collar.

After so long of seeing that deep grumpy-looking frown on his face, Bucky finally graced her with another smile when the cat tried to rub its nose on his cheeks. Its whiskers tickled his nose and had trigger a laugh out of him.

God, Y/N had never been so desperate to be a cat in her life. She wanted to be that cat; sitting on his lap like she owns that place, making him smile and laugh like that. She wanted nothing more that to do so; to please him in a way that would make her own heart full.

Her daydream was cut short though, when a heavy scent of cigarettes and rum invaded her space. In fact it was so thick and potent, but considering the lanky alpha was sitting right next to her it was inevitable.

Y/N didn't want to be rude; because if she just walk away to find a different spot to sit at, then it would seem rude to the man. Her heighten sense of smell was to be blamed, not the man who was simply sitting next to her, enjoying the park as much as everybody else does.

So, she stayed.

But in those few minutes that she stayed, she might have re-adjust her mask a few times, as if it would help to lessen the scent. But, she did it anyway. And that was all she did. Yet somehow, it managed to rub the alpha in a wrong way.

"Ya got a problem with my scent, beta?" He snarled, clearly he was drunk. And a drunk alpha in the middle of the day was never a good sign.

Though she was relieved to know that the scent blockers worked just fine. Otherwise, she might push the alpha into a rut if he got even a single whiff of her scent.

The alpha growled as she put some space between them instead of answering his question. "Are you even listening to me?! Answer me, you dumb bitch!" His aggressiveness went from zero to hundred real quick when he yanked her by the hand, pulling her closer towards him.

Y/N's book fell from the force of his strength and she yelped in pain and fear. Though she usually know how to put up a brave face and fight back, but the sudden change of his action and emotion didn't gave her time to prepare her; mentally, physically.

With her omega tendencies on default, her body coward to his force and her voice tremble, "L-let me go!" She tried to twist her hand to escape but his grasp only grew stronger.

He pulled her to stand up, "You think a beta like you can look down on me? You and that omega are the same! Bunch of good for thing bitches. Gonna teach you a good lesson for disrespecting an alpha like me!" He roared with words of his drunken concerns, truth of his wounded ego.

Her blood pumped faster through her veins and her breaths increases behind her mask. When she saw his hand rose, Y/N shut her eyes, whimpering in fear as she turned her head away, waiting for the pain strike her but it never happened.

It between those short heavy breaths, she caught a whiff of Bucky's scent. And surely, it gave her the comfort she needed to calm down, guiding her to open her eyes and witness her saviour stopping the unhinged alpha's strike.

Then what happend next was so fast; the way Bucky forced him to release her, and the way the left of his gloved hand wrapped around the alpha's neck, choking the air out of his wind pipe.

Bucky growled something in the alpha's ear, but Y/N couldn't hear it over her own beating heart. She didn't need to, not when the pale look of the man's face says it all. As soon as Bucky loosen his grip, the other alpha stumbled backwards and made a run for his life.

That does tend to happened when Bucky was literally threatened to tear his limbs apart if he touch the woman ever again.

When the panic didn't die like Y/N hoped for, Bucky quickly came to her side; respectfully close while avoiding any sort of skinship. He whispered words of comfort and sweet nothings, "It's okay, you're okay. You're safe now."

His voice was like magic, especially when it managed to calm her so easily. Y/N can feel herself melting, like a marshmallow hovering over the flames; like an ice cream under the summer sun. She took a deep breath of his sweet scent and exhaled a long sigh, "Thank you. Thank you for that." she said.

Bucky bent down to pick up her book and patted the dust off, "It's no big deal, here." He handed the book. She gladly took it from his hand, gripping it tight to her chest.

Her head was still fuzzy from the rush of adrenaline, she couldn't think of a single coherent thought other than gratitude towards her saviour, "Yeah, thank you." She probably didn't even notice that she was talking to the alpha she was crushing on the whole day.

Looking at her shaken state, Bucky was worried of her, "Are you going to be okay?" He asked.

Y/N's mind didn't process his question fast enough to for a confident reply to form, "Huh? Yeah, of course. I'll be fine. Couple of deep breaths should do the trick."

"Are you sure?" Bucky was sceptical but she quickly assured him, "Absolutely!"

He nodded slowly as if she failed to convince him, yet he didn't want to push her too much, "If you say so..."

She let out a another long sigh and said, "Thank you again, really. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Bucky simply chuckled at her words, "You know, you've said 'thank you' way too many times now, doll. Plus, it is an utmost honor of an alpha to save a damsel in distress." He jest.

Which was quickly agreed by a mewl coming from his chest, "Meow!" Y/N didn't even notice the white cat nestling comfortably in his leather jacket, albeit it was zipped up until only its' head peeking out of the dark fabric.

"See? She agrees." Bucky shrugged as if the cat's opinion was the only valid opinion in this situation.

"I did say it a lot, did I?" Y/N cooed as she pet the cat on its' head, smiling at the softness of its' fur against her skin before looking back at the blue eyes of his, "Sorry." She instinctively apologized. 

Bucky shook his head and reminded her, "Don't be."

That was when Bucky's phone rang, a call from Steve, "Hey, you're here? Where are you? Oh there. Yeah, I can see you, punk. You don't need wave at me like that. Yeah, I'll be right there. Please don't let Sam join you. God stop that is fucking embarrassing." He muttered as he looked over how his friends were literally halfway out of the car window, waving at him like a bunch of kids.

Bucky snuck his phone back into his pocket and said, "I'd offer you a ride but the car's full with dumbasses and I wouldn't recommend a sweet thing like you to associate with them in any way."

He managed to pull a short laugh out of her, "Oh, no need to do so. I live close by. Don't need to worry about me just..." her trails stopped mid way.

Only for Bucky to continue with a question, "...Just??"

"Do you mind giving those to me?" Y/N pointed at the flowers in his hand. She knew he was contemplating to throw it away because he had been glancing at the trash way too many times at the first couple of minutes when he sat on that bench across from her.

Y/N noticed how his expression changed, he looked confused but didn't frown upon the idea. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation as she waited patiently for his respond. But he just continued to stare at her, almost blankly but not quite lost. It was as if he was mesmerized by something.

The silence was getting louder than the crowds surrounding them so she decided to explain, "You see, I've never received flowers from anybody before. So, I'm curious how it feels like to receive one." She tried to come up with excuses, though she was still telling the truth. No one she dated had ever gave her flower before, probably deeming it as old-fashioned.

But, she loves those old fashioned gesture the most.

Y/N saw how he hesitated when he stared at the bouquet, his face getting tense by the seconds. She recognize that expression, she knew right away he was holding back his feelings.

But it quickly shifted into a gentle smile, "Pretty flowers for the pretty lady." He whispered under his breath. Bucky didn't waste his time hesitating this time and handed the bouquet to her.

Though she was asking for it but she didn't expect him to really give it to her. This was the first time she ever got flowers from a man. An alpha that she was pretty much head over heels for nonetheless.

Letting her emotions unfiltered, "Thank you!" she squealed as she reach out her hand. As she brought the bouquet closer to her face, she pulled down her mask, inhaling the sweet fragrant of the soft pastel peonies.

Even if her lower face hidden behind the flowers, Bucky swore he saw a burst of sparkles beamed from her upon receiving those flowers. It fascinated him because he never knew that someone could be this happy just from getting such small gift, from a complete stranger he might add.

For a second there, he thought that he would've give her a whole garden of flowers just to see her shine like that again. It felt so good and somehow fulfilling to see her happy like this.

Y/N unknowingly smiled as she let herself lost in the intoxicating scent. And when her eyes fluttered open, a deep chuckle distracted her from the trance. Looking up, as he eyes peeking through the blooming flowers, she finally saw that endearing smile that she wanted to see.

But that wonderful fleeting moment didn't last long as she was hoping for when she heard a group of man shouting for the alpha, "Hey, loverboy! We have a birthday party to get to. Natasha would be pissed if we're late. Again!"

As Bucky shouted back his own sassy counter, Y/N's head was filled with thoughts of kissing him. She didn't particularly know why but she had the need to do it.

Why would she ever do this to a man – who probably currently thinking that she was a creep – that she barely knew?

Even with those unconscious questions, she found her body moved on its own.

When he turned around, Y/N was already on her tip toe, her face was so close to his, while her hand softly cupped his chubby cheeks. She pressed a tender kiss on one of the side soft sides and prayed to God that he couldn't hear how her heart was desprete to escape the confinement of her ribcage.

Y/N placed her mask back before pulling away, only to preen at how she managed to stun him into a red mess of shock, "Thank you for saving me, alpha." Her eyes curved as a sign of a smile before she turn around, almost running away.

She certainly didn't give him a chance to at least know her name, let alone get to know her.

Midway through her path, Y/N abruptly stopped and turned around, her eyes met his curious ones and her heart fluttered, "Thank you for the flowers! I love them!" she shouted with a wide smile on her lips and brightest expression of her face, even if it was blocked by the mask.

Though Bucky could probably translate her eagerness and sincerity from how animatedly joyful she was waving at him. He smiled as he watched the girl ran away with her small steps, almost resembling a hopping bunny.

As Y/N skipped her way home, her lips aches for more of the alpha's softness, her heart yearned for his comforting presense and her glands certainly burned for his mark. And even though she went home not knowing his name, or his contact number. She believed that if he was truly her fated mate, then they will surely meet again someday.

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: Thank you for loving this couple as much as I do, guys. I noticed a lot of you have been requesting chubby alpha!bucky ever since I first published the first one. So I hope you enjoyed this one. More to come from them. But meanwhile, drop your thoughts?

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive (Daily updates!)

By Stephani Sutherland

Gentle nasal spray vaccines against COVID, the flu and RSV are coming. They may work better than shots in the arm

Alyson Velasquez hates needles. She never liked getting shots as a kid, and her anxiety only grew as she got older. “It really ballooned in my teens and early 20s,” she says. “It became a full-blown phobia.” She would panic at the sight of a needle being brought into an exam room; more than once she passed out. Velasquez says that she took an antianxiety medication before one appointment yet still ran around the room screaming inconsolably “like I was a small child; I was 22.” After that episode Velasquez, now a 34-year-old financial planner in southern California, quit needles completely. “No vaccinations, no bloodwork. For all of my 20s it was a no-go for me,” she says.

Then COVID showed up. “It finally hit a point where it wasn’t just about me,” Velasquez says. “It felt so selfish not to do this for the greater public health and the safety of our global community.” So she got vaccinated against the SARS-CoV-2 virus in 2021, although she had to sit on her husband’s lap while he held her arms. “It was a spectacle. The poor guy at CVS ... he did ask me, ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’” She very much did. “I’m very pro-vaccine. I am a rational human. I understand the necessity of [getting] them,” she insists. But today she still struggles with each injection.

Those struggles would end, however, if all her future vaccinations could be delivered by a nasal spray. “Oh, my God, amazing!” Velasquez says.

The amazing appears to be well on its way. Vaccines delivered through the nose are now being tested for several diseases. In the U.S., early clinical trials are showing success. Two of these vaccines have generated multiple immune system responses against the COVID-causing virus in people who received them through a puff up the nose; earlier this year their makers received nearly $20 million from Project NextGen, the Biden-Harris administration’s COVID medical initiative. Researchers are optimistic that a nasal spray delivering a COVID vaccine could be ready for the U.S. as soon as 2027. Although recent efforts have focused on inoculations against SARS-CoV-2, nasal vaccines could also protect us against the flu, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), and more.

A few nasal vaccines have been introduced in the past, but they’ve been beset by problems. The flu inoculation FluMist has not gained popularity because of debates about its effectiveness, and a different vaccine was pulled from the market decades ago because some people had serious side effects. In China and India, nasal vaccines for COVID have been approved because those countries prioritized their development during the pandemic, whereas the U.S. and other wealthy nations opted to stick with arm injections. But this new crop of vaccines takes advantage of technology that produces stronger immune responses and is safer than preparations used in the past.

In fact, immunologists say these spritzes up the nose—or inhaled puffs through the mouth—can provide faster, stronger protection against respiratory viruses than a shot in the arm. That is because the new vaccines activate a branch of the immune system that has evolved for robust, rapid responses against airborne germs. “It may be more likely to really prevent infection from getting established,” says Fiona Smaill, an infectious disease researcher at McMaster University in Ontario. Such inoculations may also help reduce the enormous inequities in vaccine access revealed by the pandemic. These formulations should be cheaper and easier to transport to poor regions than current shots.

But nasal vaccines still face technical hurdles, such as how best to deliver them into the body. And unlike injected vaccines, which scientists can measure immune responses to with blood tests alone, testing for immunity that starts in nose cells is more challenging. But researchers working in this field agree that despite the hurdles, nasal formulations are the next step in vaccine evolution.

Traditional vaccines injected through the skin and into an arm muscle provide excellent protection against viruses. They coax immune cells into making widely circulated antibodies—special proteins that recognize specific structural features on viruses or other invading pathogens, glom on to them and mark them for destruction. Other immune cells retain a “memory” of that pathogen for future encounters.

Intramuscular injection vaccines are good at preventing a disease from spreading, but they do not stop the initial infection. A nasal spray does a much better job. That’s because sprays are aimed directly at the spot where many viruses first enter the body: the nose and the tissue that lines it, called the mucosa.

Mucosa makes up much of our bodies’ internal surfaces, stretching from the nose, mouth and throat down the respiratory tract to the lungs, through the gastrointestinal tract to the anus, and into the urogenital tract. Mucosa is where our bodies encounter the vast majority of pathogenic threats, Smaill says, be it flu, COVID, or bacterial infections that attack the gut. This tough, triple-layered tissue is specialized to fight off invaders with its thick coating of secretory goo—mucus—and with a cadre of resident immune cells waiting to attack. “Mucosa is really the first line of defense against any infection we’re exposed to,” Smaill says.

Mucosal immunity not only prepares the immune system for the fight where it occurs but also offers three different types of protection—at least one more than a shot does. Nasal vaccines and shots both mobilize immune messenger cells, which gather the interlopers’ proteins and display them on their surfaces. These cells head to the lymph nodes, where they show off their captured prize to B and T cells, which are members of another part of the immune system called the adaptive arm. B cells, in turn, produce antibodies, molecules that home in on the foreign proteins and flag their owners—the invading microbes—for destruction. Killer T cells directly attack infected cells, eliminating them and the microbes inside. This provides broad protection, but it takes time, during which the virus continues to replicate and spread.

That’s why a second type of protection, offered only by the mucosal tissue, is so important. The mucosa holds cells of the innate immune system, which are the body’s “first responders.” Some of these cells, called macrophages, recognize invasive microbes as foreign and swallow them up. They also trigger inflammation—an alarm sounded to recruit more immune cells.

Another part of this localized response is called tissue-resident immunity. These cells don’t have to detect telltale signs of a pathogen and make a long journey to the infected tissue. They are more like a Special Forces unit dropped behind enemy lines where a skirmish is occurring rather than waiting for the proverbial cavalry to arrive. This localized reaction can be quite potent. Its activation is notoriously difficult to demonstrate, however, so historically it’s been hard for vaccine makers to show they’ve hit the mark. But it turns out that one type of antibody, called IgA, is a good indicator of mucosal immunity because IgAs tend to predominate in the mucosa rather than other parts of the body. In an early trial of CoviLiv, a nasal COVID vaccine produced by Codagenix, about half of participants had detectable IgA responses within several weeks after receiving two doses. That trial also showed the vaccine was safe and led to NextGen funding for a larger trial of the vaccine’s efficacy.

It’s possible an inhaled vaccine may provide yet one more layer of protection, called trained innate immunity. This reaction is a bit of a mystery: although immunologists know it exists and appears also to be produced by intramuscular injections, they can’t quite explain how it works. Immune cells associated with trained innate immunity seem to have memorylike responses, reacting quickly against subsequent infections. They also have been found to respond against pathogens entirely unrelated to the intended vaccine target. Smaill and her colleagues found that when they immunized mice with an inhaled tuberculosis vaccine and then challenged them with pneumococcal bacteria, the mice were protected. In children, there is some evidence that a tuberculosis vaccine, in the arm, generates this type of broad response against other diseases.

Akiko Iwasaki, an immunologist at Yale University who is working to develop a nasal vaccination for COVID, sees two major potential benefits to nasal immunity in addition to better, faster, more localized protection. First, attacking the virus in the nose could prevent the disease from being transmitted to others by reducing the amount of virus that people breathe out. And second, Iwasaki says, the spray may limit how deeply the infection moves into the body, so “we believe that it will also prevent long COVID.” That debilitating postinfection condition, sometimes marked by signs of entrenched viral particles, disables people with extreme fatigue, chronic pain, a variety of cognitive difficulties, and other symptoms.

Making a new vaccine is hard, regardless of how you administer it. It needs to raise an immune response that’s strong enough to protect against future invasions but not so strong that the components of that response—such as inflammation and fever—harm the host.

The lining of the nose puts up its own barriers—literal, physical ones. Because the nasal mucosa is exposed to so many irritants from the air, ranging from pet hair to pollen, the nose has multiple lines of defense against invading pathogens. Nostril hair, mucus, and features called cilia that sweep the nasal surface all aim to trap small foreign objects before they can get deeper into the body—and that includes tiny droplets of vaccine.

And lots of small foreign particles—often harmless—still make it through those defenses. So the nose has developed a way to become less reactive to harmless objects. This dampened reactivity is called immunological tolerance, and it may be the biggest hurdle to successful development of a nasal vaccine. When foreign particles show up in the bloodstream, a space that is ostensibly sterile, immune cells immediately recognize them as invaders. But mucosal surfaces are constantly bombarded by both pathogens and harmless materials. The immune system uses tolerance—a complex series of decisions carried out by specialized cells—to determine whether a substance is harmful. “This is very important because we can’t have our lungs or gastrointestinal tract always responding to nonharmful foreign entities that they encounter,” says Yale infectious disease researcher Benjamin Goldman-Israelow. For example, inflammation in the lungs would make it hard to breathe; in the gut, it would prevent the absorption of water and nutrients.

These barriers may hamper the effectiveness of a nasal flu vaccine that’s been around for a while, called FluMist in the U.S. and Fluenz in Europe. The inoculation is safe, says infectious disease scientist Michael Diamond of Washington University in St. Louis, but it faces a similar problem as do injected flu vaccines: it isn’t very effective at warding off new seasonal flu strains. This might be because flu strains are so common, and people are frequently infected by the time they are adults. Their immune systems are already primed to recognize and destroy familiar flu particles. FluMist is built from a live flu virus, so immune cells probably treat the vaccine as an invader and demolish it as soon as it shows up in the nose, before it has a chance to do any good. This preexisting immunity isn’t such an issue in children, who are less likely to have had multiple flu infections. Nasal flu vaccines are routinely used to inoculate kids in Europe.

In other vaccines, researchers often use adjuvants, special agents that attract the attention of immune cells, to boost a response. Some nasal vaccines use adjuvants to overcome tolerance, but in the nose, adjuvants can pose unique dangers. In at least one case, a nasal adjuvant led to disastrous consequences. An intranasal vaccine for influenza, licensed in Switzerland for the 2000–2001 season, used a toxin isolated from Escherichia coli bacteria as an adjuvant to provoke a reaction to the inactivated virus. No serious side effects were reported during the trial period, but once the vaccine was released, Swiss officials saw a concerning uptick in cases of Bell’s palsy, a disease that causes weakness or paralysis of the facial muscles, often leading to a drooping or disfigured face. Researchers at the University of Zurich estimated that the adjuvanted flu vaccine had increased the risk of contracting Bell’s palsy by about 20 times, and the vaccine was discontinued. “We need to be cautious about using adjuvants like that from known pathogens,” says pharmaceutical formulations scientist Vicky Kett of Queen’s University Belfast in Northern Ireland.

To get around the challenges posed by the nose, some researchers are exploring vaccines inhaled through the mouth. Smaill is working on one of them. She and her McMaster colleagues aerosolized their vaccine for COVID into a fine mist delivered by a nebulizer, from which it rapidly reaches the lungs. Experiments in mice have shown promising results, with mucosal immunity established after administration of the vaccine.

Another vaccine strategy is to use a harmless virus to carry viral genes or proteins. Researchers at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City selected a bird pathogen, Newcastle disease virus (NDV). “It’s naturally a respiratory pathogen,” so it infects nasal cells, says Michael Egan, CEO and chief scientific officer of CastleVax, a company that formed to develop the NDV vaccine for COVID. A small early clinical trial showed the CastleVax vaccine was safe and caused robust immune responses in people. “Those results were very promising,” Egan says. People who received the vaccine also produced antibodies that indicated multitiered mucosal immunity, not simply the adaptive immunity from a shot in the arm.

Following that trial, the CastleVax project received NextGen funding, and results from a trial of 10,000 people are expected in 2026. Half of those people will receive a messenger RNA (mRNA) injection, and half will get the new NDV nasal spray. The data should show whether the new nasal vaccine can do a better job of preventing infection than the mRNA injections. Egan has high hopes. “We’re expecting to see a lot fewer breakthrough infections in people who got the vaccine up the nose by virtue of having those mucosal immune responses,” he says.

Florian Krammer, one of the Mount Sinai researchers behind the vaccine, engineered NDV particles to display a stabilized version of the spike protein that’s so prominent in SARS-CoV-2. “You end up with a particle that’s covered with spike,” he says. Spike protein in the blood­stream can raise an immune response. But the NDV vaccine works in another way, too. The virus particle can also get into cells, where it can replicate enough times to cause virus particles to emerge from the cells, provoking another immune reaction. Before moving into human trials, however, researchers had to complete clinical trials to establish that the Newcastle virus is truly harmless because the nose is close to the central nervous system—it has neurons that connect to the olfactory bulb, which is part of the brain. Those trials confirmed that it is safe for this use.

Nasal sprays aim directly at the spot where most viruses first enter the body: the nose. This type of caution is one reason a COVID nasal vaccine approved in India hasn’t been adopted by the U.S. or other countries. The inoculation, called iNCOVACC, uses a harmless simian adenovirus to carry the spike protein into the airway. The research originated in the laboratories of Diamond and some of his colleagues at Washington University at the start of the pandemic, when they tested the formulation on rodents and nonhuman primates. “The preclinical data were outstanding,” Diamond says. Around the time he and his colleagues published initial animal results in Cell in 2020, Bharat Biotech in India licensed the idea from the university. In a 2023 phase 3 clinical trial in India, the nasal vaccine produced superior systemic immunity compared with a shot.

Diamond says American drug companies didn’t pursue this approach, because “they wanted to use known quantities,” such as the mRNA vaccines, which were already proving themselves in clinical trials in 2020. As the pandemic took hold, there was little appetite to develop nasal vaccine technology to stimulate mucosal immunity while the tried-and-true route of shots in the arm was available and working. But now, four years later, an inhaled vaccine using technology similar to iNCOVACC’s is being developed for approval in the U.S. by biotech company Ocugen. Both inhaled and nasal forms of the vaccine are set to undergo clinical trials as part of Project NextGen. These new vaccines are using classical vaccine methods based on the virus rather than using new, mRNA-based technology. The mRNA preparations were developed specifically for intramuscular injections and would have to be significantly modified.

Codagenix, which is developing CoviLiv, sidestepped the need for a new viral vector or an adjuvant by disabling a live SARS-CoV-2 virus. To make it safe, scientists engineered a version of the virus with 283 mutations, alterations to its genetic code that make it hard for the virus to replicate and harm the body. Without all these genetic changes, there would be a chance the virus could revert to a dangerous, pathogenic form. But with hundreds of key mutations, “statistically, it’s basically impossible that this will revert back to a live virus in the population,” says Johanna Kaufmann, who helped to develop the vaccine before leaving Codagenix for another company earlier this year.

Because most people on the planet have now been exposed to SARS-CoV-2—in the same way they’re regularly exposed to the flu—some nasal vaccines are being designed as boosters for a preexisting immune response that is starting to wane. For example, Yale researchers Iwasaki and Goldman-Israelow are pursuing a strategy in animals deemed “prime and spike.”

The idea is to start with a vaccine injection—the “prime” that stimulates adaptive immunity—then follow it a few weeks later with a nasal puff that “spikes” the system with more viral protein, leading to mucosal immunity. In a study published in 2022 in Science, Iwasaki and her colleagues reported that they primed rodents with the mRNA vaccine developed by Pfizer and BioNTech, the same shot so many of us have received. Two weeks later some of the mice received an intranasal puff of saline containing a fragment of the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein. Because the animals had some preexisting immunity from the shot, the researchers didn’t add any adjuvants to heighten the effects of the nasal puff. Two weeks later researchers detected stronger signs of mucosal immunity in mice that had received this treatment compared with mice that got only the shot.

“Not only can we establish tissue-resident memory T cells” to fight off the virus in the nose, Iwasaki says, but the prime-and-spike method also produces those vigorous IgA antibodies in the mucosal layer. “And that’s much more advantageous because we can prevent the virus from ever infecting the host,” she notes. The study suggests that this approach might also lessen the chances of transmitting the disease to others because of the lower overall viral load. Experiments in hamsters demonstrated that vaccinated animals shed less virus, and they were less likely to contract COVID from infected cage mates that had not been vaccinated themselves.

Although most of the new vaccine strategies are aimed at COVID, nasal vaccines for other diseases are already being planned. Kaufmann, formerly of Codagenix, says the company currently has clinical trials underway for nasal vaccines against flu and RSV. CastleVax’s Egan says “we have plans to address other pathogens” such as RSV and human metapneumovirus, another leading cause of respiratory disease in kids.

Vaccines that don’t need to be injected could clear many barriers to vaccine access worldwide. “We saw with COVID there was no vaccine equity,” Smaill says. Many people in low-income countries never received a shot; they are still going without one four years after the vaccines debuted.

In part, this inequity is a consequence of the high cost of delivering a vaccine that needs to stay frozen on a long journey from manufacturing facilities in wealthy countries. Some of the nasal sprays in development don’t need deep-cold storage, so they might be easier to store and transport. And a nasal spray or an inhaled puff would be much easier to administer than a shot. No health professional is required, so people could spray it into their noses or mouths at home.

For these reasons, needle-free delivery matters to the World Health Organization. The WHO is using the Codagenix nasal spray in its Solidarity Trial Vaccines program to improve vaccine equity. The CoviLiv spray is now in phase 3 clinical trials around the world as part of this effort. “The fact that the WHO was still interested in a primary vaccination trial in the geographies it’s passionate about—that’s indicative that there is still a gap,” Kaufmann says. CoviLiv was co-developed with the Serum Institute of India, the world’s largest maker of vaccines by dose. The partnership enabled production at the high volume required for Solidarity.

The CastleVax vaccine with the NDV vector provides another layer of equity because the facilities required to make it already exist in many low- and middle-income countries. “The cool thing is that NDV is a chicken virus, so it grows very well in embryonated eggs—that’s exactly the system used for making flu vaccines,” Krammer says. For example, for a clinical trial in Thailand, “we just shipped them the seed virus, and then they produced the vaccine and ran the clinical trials,” he says. Many countries around the world have similar facilities, so they will not need to depend on pharma companies based in richer places.

Even high-income countries face barriers to vaccination, although they may be more personal than systemic. For very many people, the needle itself is the problem. Extreme phobia such as Velasquez’s is uncommon, but many people have a general fear of needles that makes vaccinations stressful or even impossible for them. For about one in 10 people needle-related fear or pain is a barrier to vaccinations, says C. Meghan McMurtry, a psychologist at the University of Guelph in Ontario. Needle fear “is present in most young kids and in about half of adolescents. And 20 to 30 percent of adults have some level of fear.” A review of studies of children showed that “concern around pain and needle fear are barriers to vaccination in about 8 percent of the general population and about 18 percent in the vaccine-hesitant population,” McMurtry adds.

Some people are wary of injected vaccines even if they’re not afraid of needles, Kett says; they see injections as too invasive even if the needle doesn’t bother them. “We’re hopeful that something administered by the nasal route would be less likely to come across some of those issues,” Kett says.

In the U.S., however, sprays and puffs won’t be available until they are approved by the Food and Drug Administration, which requires clear evidence of disease protection. As Diamond points out, standards for such evidence are well established for injections, and vaccine makers can follow the rule book: regulations point to particular antibodies and specific ways to measure them with a simple blood test. But for nasal vaccines, Iwasaki says, “we don’t have a standard way to collect nasal mucus or measure antibody titers. All these practical issues have not been worked out.”

Iwasaki is also frustrated with a restriction by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that stops researchers from using existing COVID vaccines in basic research to develop new nasal sprays. The rule is a holdover from 2020, when COVID injections had just been developed and were in short supply; people had to wait to get vaccinated until they were eligible based on factors such as age and preexisting conditions. “That made sense back then, but those concerns are years old; things are different now,” Iwasaki says. “Now we have excess vaccine being thrown out, and we cannot even get access to the waste, the expired vaccine.”

Today scientists want to contrast the effectiveness of nasal formulations with injections already in use. “Those comparisons are really important for convincing the FDA that this is a worthy vaccine to pursue,” Iwasaki says. But the restriction has held up studies by her company, Xanadu, slowing down work. (The CDC did not respond to a request for comment.)

Despite the bureaucratic and scientific hurdles, the sheer number of nasal vaccines now in clinical trials encourages Iwasaki and other scientists pursuing the needle-free route. They say it seems like only a matter of time before getting vaccinated will be as simple as a spritz up the nose.

Velasquez, for one, can’t wait for that day to arrive. The circumstances that finally forced her to reckon with her fear of needles (a global pandemic, the prospect of parenthood and the numerous blood tests that accompanied her pregnancy) were so much bigger than her. If not for them, she might still be avoiding shots. “So having vaccines without needles—I would get every vaccine any doctor wanted me to get, ever. It would be a complete game changer for me.”

[dextixer]

The fandoms unfathomable arrogance in demanding how RWBY should be revived

As some of you might know Dillon Goo has expressed interest in acquiring and working on reviving RWBY from its current state. He is a very talented animator who has worked with Shane Neville for quite some time now and released animations that were even shared on our subreddit. Even GLITCH animation studio has expressed a passing interest in Dillon Goo talking about RWBY.

Regardless, this has of course received a positive reception for the most part, but it did not take long for detractors to come out of the woodwork and take issue with possible involvement of Shane, and saying things like "If CRWBY isnt a part of this, im not interested" "If CRWBY isnt in this, Montys vision is ruined.

This is a rant against those people, warning, high amounts of sodium ahead

I have seen many people say that if anyone ever aquires the RWBY IP, that CRWBY should then HAVE to be hired or these people will NEVER support the projects in question. They say that its because people like Miles and Kerry know "Montys Vision", that they know what he wanted and thus without them, RWBY would not longer be RWBY.

Let us be very clear here you entitled shits. You dont have much of a choice. RWBY is dead, its laying down on the fucking medical table, its heart is no longer beating. Its clinically a corpse. Who the fuck do you think you are to make demands of any kind of revival the show can get? You are not in a position to choose or demand anything, you either accept any kind of revival of RWBY, even if its not perfect in your eyes (Welcome to the shoes of the critics) or you quit and let RWBY die.

But let us fucking remember that many people in the fandom were gleefuly saying that they will support RT and RWBY when it was revealed how mismanaged RT was and how they abused their workers. I saw multiple people go and say "Yeah, this sucks, but i will still support RT because i want RWBY to continue". We had multiple threads in r/RWBY saying to support RT so that RWBY would continue and even moralizing that people who engage in piracy are just selfish people.

You were willing to kneel before an abusive corporation and open your wallets to it without fucking question to keep RWBY going. But now when there is a possibility that RWBY might continue on and just MIGHT possibly do so without CRWBY (Which is not even a guarantee). You throw in the fucking towel? THIS was your fucking red line? CRWBY not working on the show?

At that point, just be honest and say what you really believe.

You are fucking DICKSUCKING Miles and Kerry as if they were the ONLY ones working on the show alongside Monty and know his "vision". Well, let me ask you then why in the fuck do you put so much effort in shitting on Shane huh!?

Its always "Oh, we need the people who worked with Monty" but EVERY SINGLE FUCKING time i go on twitter right now i see someone whining or being worried about "Well, but what about Shane".

Shane worked with Monty from the very fucking start! When he was eventually booted out of the company and made his open letter, most of the things in that letter were then confirmed MORE AND MORE with each passing year! He cared about Montys vision so much he was willing to call out RT before ANYONE ELSE! And we know for a FACT that MK did not follow the "vision" because the things that Monty and Shane worked on for Volume 3 were not used in Volume 3 and were then reused in later volumes.

I repeat, NONE of you shits cared about Montys "vision" nor do you genuinely care about it now. What you care about is CRWBY. What you care about is the parasocial relationship between you and creators of a show you like when it panders to you.

Because Shane was there from the very fucking start. And now hes the fandoms fucking Satan who the fandom tried so fucking hard to demonize over the years. Didnt care about Montys vision then did you!?

Oh and by the way, didnt we hear for YEARS now that there is a RWBY bible? That everything in RWBY is planned? That we had an outline for like 11-13 seasons!? Well if there exists such a bible, who gives a shit if CRWBY is involved in any kind of Volume continuation. If the bible exists anyone with skill and interest can read it and create what is meant to be created!

Of course unless the bible has always been a crock of shit fed to the fandom to try and pretend that the show wasnt writen by the fucking seat of its pants. (Which it WAS!)

So let me end with this.

Miles and Kerry are not gods. They are not angels. They are not perfect beings and bearers of the "Word of Monty" they are WRITERS! And just like with ANY part of CRWBY, the companies that might want to remake RWBY or write Volume 10 can choose to NOT take them onboard.

And that is FINE!

I do not mind if people wish or prefer that CRWBY were involved with any kind of RWBY continuation. What i fucking hate is this hypocritical DEMAND to keep CRWBY on board or otherwise "Its not real RWBY". Because i will repeat for the third fucking time.

The Fandom seems to not give even a single solitary fuck about RWBY, they seem to only care about CRWBY.

[miles-wrightworth]

AA culprit AU (TW for mentions of blood and violent murder)

okay so buckle up

Phoenix: when Dahlia tried to poison him, he became interested in chemicals and toxins. he switched his major to chemistry and he now sells concoctions and poisons to anyone who is willing to pay.

he is a little bit insane. he has built up an immunity to poisons after accidentally drinking them and narrowly surviving every time (and cuz he works with toxins so much). at this point, he just tastes his poisons like soup like 'hmmm needs more acetone'

his hands shake and hes gone just a little crazy from the damage the poisons have done to him

he pretty much always has some sort of chemical stain or burn somewhere on him or his clothing.

edit: I'm thinkin' he's Mia's medical apprentice (she runs a hospital in this au)

Miles: Miles is what began this idea because i think he would be ten times hotter if he was a muderer. anyways-

dl6 still happens and everything is the same up to when Miles is about 15 years old and he finds out about mvk killing Gregory. he is pissed asf and apalled at the injustice of the whole situation and how corrupted mvks methods are. he feels the urge to kill him grow stronger every day.

he eventually does snap and plunge his pocket knife into mvk multiple times and gets away with it. Franziska is pissed because he murdered her dad but eventually comes to terms with the fact that Miles' crime has made the world an overall better place.

with no legal guardian, Miles and Fran are put in an orphanage and vibe there until Miles is 18. Fran learns how to make knives and Miles learns how to use them. Fran lives with Miles until she is 18 and moves out.

Miles is like 'hey. im good with knives, i despise injustice, and i have begun to like the sight of blood. i should put that to good use' and he becomes somewhat of a serial killer/vigilante

he picks targets carefully. corrupt people in the legal system, corrupt politicians, any shitty person he can find. he murders them brutally and due to the dl6 incident, he cant hold a gun without trembling, so his go-to method of killing is knives. he loves knives and he has a huge collection of fancy blades and throwing knives. he always leaves his victims crucified on the nearest wall with knives through their wrists pinning them there and bathes the room in their blood. thats how the cops know he did it.

the news dubs him the 'Crimson King' and Phoenix sees that in a newspaper and wants to see this guy for himself because he definitely recognizes that blurred pic the police took in the paper.

basically hes noble but extremely brutal and god thats kinda hot

Fran: Franziska is a bladesmith/black market arms dealer. Miles frequently visits her shop and he gets discounts on her wares. havent thought about her story a lot. Her relationship with Miles is strained after Manfred's murder and gets a bit better over the years.

Maya: Maya is a nurse at a nearby urgent care clinic. Phoenix frequently comes in begging her to help him but not tell anyone because he accidentally drank a lethal poison but nobody can know because its illegal to possess. also havent thought too much about her story.

added ideas: Klav is a drug dealer and Godot/Diego is a mafia boss

[all-pacas]

#he's good in a crisis ok#and a dumb whore everywhere else

I'm the anon that asked why you think Chase is generally stupid,except for some talents. Can you talk why do you think he's a dumb person with a single talent,instead of a generally smart person who lacks common sense at times?

I mean, the short version is I’m joking. Just like when I call Cameron insufferable. The show itself likes to call Chase a Dumb Whore.

But the fact of the matter is that Chase isn’t stupid. House doesn’t hire idiots, even if he calls his employees stupid roughly twice a week. We see in S4 that he will fire someone immediately (CIA chick) if they can’t pull their weight; Chase does.

He does, in show, have a bit of a reputation for being dumb and lazy, and I think both have their… moments? Lazy is easier to prove: Chase tends to be quieter in differentials than Cameron and Foreman. He’s the least likely to argue his points or insist he’s right. Time and time again, he also shows he’s a bit apathetic: in Safe he and Cameron discuss the teenage patient’s boyfriend. They need to test his sperm, and Cameron worries that they should tell the parents, who will not be pleased. Chase shrugs it off. They’ll find out when they get billed for the test. Cameron asks if he’s really okay with them finding out like that; he doesn’t even hesitate before confirming “pretty much.” He prefers to take the easier path.

The dumb is a little more… meta-textual, let’s say. First of all, Chase is an intensivist. Foreman and Cameron are top level experts in their fields of disease. Foreman always thinking neurological is practically a running joke; I’m not sure if fandom has pinged on the fact that Lupus is a running joke because Cameron keeps suggesting it, because she’s an immunologist. They both tend to brainstorm in their specialties, they know a lot of very specific illness and disease stuff for them. Same with House: he has a double specialty in infectious disease and kidney stuff. Chase doesn’t have that kind of background. He’s not an expert in any body part or type of sickness. He’s… good at keeping people alive. And that is not easy, and we see time and again that he’s really good at it. But he doesn’t have that same kind of knowledge specialty, and so in differentials he… contributes, for sure, but he doesn’t have the “it must be lupus!” “it must be neurological!” thing. House also doesn’t defer to him as much — House recognizes Foreman knows more about Brain Stuff than he does, so when it’s a brain thing, Foreman is expected to know. Chase doesn’t have that kind of niche, so he comes off as a little less… brainstorm-y. Cerebral.

There’s also moments here and there in the show where they outright joke or imply he’s a little dim. There’s the “dumb whore” bit and him choosing password as his password. Way back in episode two of the show, he’s doing a crossword puzzle with a medical clue and can’t figure it out; Foreman does instantly. We know about Foreman and Cameron’s very prestigious CV and schooling history (he went to one of the top schools in the US and had perfect grades; she interned at the mayo clinic). All we know about Chase until S7 is that his dad, apparently, got him the job. Also, because Chase is the dedicated Keep ‘Em Alive Guy, there’s a whole bunch of episodes where, say, Foreman and Cameron are trying to figure stuff out or searching the home while Chase is busily working on the patient, so he seems to do “less” than the other two. This is probably where the “Chase screwed up” running theme comes from too: he cuts people open more than the other two, so if there’s a physical procedure (and potential mistake), it’s him and not Cameron who probably made it.

But that all said, all jokes aside, I don’t think he’s dumb. I mean — he’s dumb, but he’s not stupid. He might not be a disease or organ specialist like the others, but he still is able to keep up. He’s very good at keeping people alive. He also has a real penchant for out of the box thinking and creativity that bumps his Solve Rate up higher than any of the other fellows. As early as the Pilot he’s able to come up with a creative solution to prove the patient has Ham Worms. He’s shown plenty of times that he is incredibly good at reading people; he’s a good manipulator and lowkey House’s default “schemes guy” in early seasons, when he needs to trick a patient (or scam money out of the S4 betting pools and Kutner). He’s able to completely see through House and Foreman multiple times; House even goes so far as to say it’s why Chase was hired.

I think if anything it’s laziness that’s Chase’s biggest issue. He’s shown plenty of times he can be brilliant and is observant and creative, he just rarely bothers or cares enough to try. He’s… kind of a spoiled rich kid. He doesn’t have to work hard for things, so he doesn’t. He’s passive and more than a little spineless, and finds it easier to go along than assert himself in early seasons. He might not be dumb, but people see him that way, and I really don’t think he minds. Because it’s easier, and because he doesn’t really care what Foreman (or whoever) thinks. The rare times he does go all out tend to be exceptions: he works his ass off to prove his father wrong in S1, and Treiber in S8, because he’s mad more than because he’s that worried about the case. He figures out the same thing as House in Control, why the patient is really sick, but only because he’s afraid he’s about to be fired. He’s lazy. He works well under pressure.

I’m going to be super pretentious here, but when I was younger I read the short story “A Good Man is Hard To Find.” The main character is a deeply unpleasant and vain older woman. When her life is threatened, however, she becomes desperate and kind and empathetic. One of the last lines is another character’s musing (and I've thought about this line nearly every day of my life since): 

"She would of been a good woman," The Misfit said, "if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life."

In a way, that’s Chase. He does great when he’s sufficiently motivated; it’s just that most of the time, he’s only motivated for personal reasons.

But he’s not stupid.

[icywaddle]

N25 SEKAI SHADOWS [1/5?]

Word count: 2099

Remember that post I made about the Sekai shadow people? Yeah, uh- it’s here! Keep a lookout for your submissions- I’ve taken every idea that could work in the setting of N25’s characters and Sekai and compiled them here!Remember, there’s gonna be one for every Sekai, so if you have requests, I’ll still take them! Just reblog with whatever you’re thinking of, and I’ll make it work!

Mafuyu slips into the Sekai one late night, only managing to stagger a few steps before collapsing. She clasps her chest, feeling a strange tightness squeezing her ribs and enclosing her lungs. She tries to recall her medical training, coldly and clinically remembering each calming process they’d been taught to use for patients. She begins breathing in for four seconds, holding for four seconds, releasing for four seconds, and starting the process all over again. Her eyes drift closed somewhere in the process, a gentle darkness settling around her. In fact… was it just her, or had the murky redness of her eyelids somehow gotten… darker? Mafuyu opens her eyes, coming face to face with a dark shape. She blinks, jerking back on reflex. The figure also jumps, letting out a soft squeaking noise before turning(? there was no way to tell its front from its back) and running out of the entryway. Wait- entryway? Glancing around herself, Mafuyu notices that she is now enclosed in a small pillow fort, blankets hung over her head and tiny stars lighting up the makeshift room. She shifts slightly, relaxing and opening her posture into a more comfortable lean backwards. The fort is small, but it doesn’t feel claustrophobic. In fact, it felt almost… comforting. Mafuyu sighs, laying down and resting her head on one of the pillows. She was too tired to concern herself with the issue of the shadowy figure. For now, all she wanted to do was rest. Curling up on her side, she finds that the tightness in her chest has loosened some, relaxing into something more like a tense hold. It isn’t gone, nor is it comfortable, but it’s a start. As her eyes begin to close, Mafuyu almost thought she saw the same shadowy figure slipping back in, kneeling and gently pulling a blanket onto her shoulders as the world goes black around her.

Kanade yawns, raising a sluggish hand to rub at her eyes. She glances around, belatedly realizing that the Sekai’s lights never change to represent the time of day. Sighing mentally, Kanade eyes her phone on the table next to her. With a Herculean effort, she manages to stand up and shuffle to the table, grabbing her phone and checking the time. 10 PM. She had time before Nightcord had to meet. Taking a minute to stand up taller and stretch her arms over her head, Kanade yawns again and wonders what she should do. She could go back to her room and work on their newest song, try to find some of the vocaloids… A soft plink of water on stone pulls her out of her thoughts, causing her to look around for the source of the noise. Water- water- what was wet… in… the… oh no. Kanade swivels towards the fish tank, dread pooling in her stomach. A tiny crack has inched its way up the side of the glass, water oozing through and dropping down to the concrete. She rushes over, terrified, and presses a shaky hand to the glass to try and stifle the flow of water. Frantically, she whirls around to try and find something to block off the tank’s leak. A slip of duct tape is pressed into her hand, and Kanade blinks down at it for a second before pulling her hand away and pressing it on the fish tank. The flow of water stutters, then stops entirely, dripping onto the floor for a second more before stopping. She breathes a sigh of relief, turning to thank the person who’d bailed her out.

Instead, Kanade finds herself holding back a scream as she notices the shadowy figure behind her. It has no face shape, no distinct features. It was simply a silhouette, with two tiny white eyes glowing in the center of its face. She steps back jerkily, but it doesn’t seem to follow her. Instead, the shadow blinks and turns back to the fish tank. Confused, Kanade watches as it gathers up a bucket (from- where, exactly-?) and scoops the water and fish right out of the tank. Tentatively, she walks closer, watching as the figure places the bucket under the leak and pulls the tape back off. Water drips down, this time back into the bucket with the fish. The figure glances over at Kanade, then gestures at the other side of the stage. A small glass pane lies there, a perfect fit for the tank. Glancing at the figure warily, she trots over and grabs the pane, bringing it over to the tank. By then, the figure had pulled the old cracked pane off, sliding it out of the tank. It reached out its hands, and Kanade shakily passed it the glass. With a nod of thanks, the figure turns and slips the pane into the side of the tank, securing it into the tank. Kanade steps back, taking a moment to get a good look at the figure. They blink back at her, all inky blackness that didn’t seem to have any permanent form. Even as Kanade squinted at their body, it seemed to morph, tall to short, slim to full. The only thing that stayed constant were those two white specks in their head, staring curiously at Kanade. Eventually, the figure turns back around, grabbing the bucket and resting it against the side of the tank. They struggle slightly, trying to use their knee to heft the bucket up. Kanade glances at them, then ruefully back at her weak noodle arms. As an idea strikes her, she slips under the bucket and pushes with her legs, pressing the bottom of the bucket up. The figure squeaks in surprise, but the bucket finally reaches over the lip of the tank. They gently make sure the water flows out, then move the bucket off of Kanade’s back and scoop the fish up in their hands, setting them back in the tank. Kanade rubs her spine where the edge of the bucket had cut into her back, glancing up to see the figure walking away. Her lips part, although she isn’t sure what she wants to ask. The figure turns back, almost as if they’d heard her silent call. They lift a hand, giving Kanade a soft wave before their fingers begin to disappear. In a blink, their body has started to break apart, dissolving into Sekai Sprinkles™ and vanishing. Astonished, Kanade simply watches as the flickering sparkles left behind by the figure eventually fade off into the air. She shakes herself off, wandering back to her sheets of paper, but she can’t stop thinking about what… or who- she'd seen.

Mizuki loads into the Sekai, yawning and just about ready to fall asleep right there. They stride over to the stage, still rubbing their eyes and contemplating going back to try and sleep before their eyes catch on something. Their mannequin, once pushed to the corner of the stage, has been moved to the center. Tentatively, they approach, giving the mannequin a glance. Tiny scraps of fabric and sticky notes have been pinned all over it, notes and drawings scribbled messily together. Mizuki begins unsticking the notes, glancing at each one and piecing them together. A concept slowly comes together, fabric and ribbons all interlacing to form a beautiful pink and white dress. It’s far from complete, but Mizuki feels their heart rate pick up just looking at it. A grin creeps across their face as they jump up, dashing to their fabric pile and rummaging through rolls and rolls of different fabrics. New materials have shown up, fabrics of all shades and textures, some they didn’t even know the names of. Still, in a few minutes, they’ve gathered everything they need, practically skipping back to the mannequin. They wonder for a brief moment who made the design, but decide to ignore it for now. After all, they should strike while the iron of inspiration is hot!

Ena wanders quietly around the Sekai, the clicking of her heels the only sound echoing around. She glances up at the sky, scoffing and glancing back down. What did she expect? To come here and see a glittering landscape, full of color and vibrancy and able to strike inspiration into the hearts of even people like her? It was the same gray color as ever, dull and lifeless and so painfully empty. Just like Mafuyu herself. No- Ena shook her head, giving herself a smack. As infuriating as Mafuyu is sometimes, Ena knows she doesn’t mean to be malicious. She can’t really help it. They'd told her to be honest with them. And if this was her brand of honesty, then at least it was better than the facade she’d been putting on. Ena shuddered, remembering the first time she’d ever called Yuki. That sweet, innocent voice. It’d seemed slightly off from the start, but… With a sigh, she sat down against a ruined pillar, pressing her back against it and feeling the coldness of the steel seep through the fabric of her shirt. Closing her eyes, she placed her head on her knees. What now? She’d gone through most of her inspiration seeking activities. Talking to friends, walking in the park, heading to her favorite cafes and even visiting an art exhibition. Her lack of motivation had persisted. Maybe she was hopeless after all. A familiar tightness begins to grip Ena’s chest, clasping around her ribs. Claws began squeezing her lungs, crushing and pushing the breath out of her. She shakes her head, burying her face further away and wrapping her arms around her knees. Not now- not again- Tears prickle at her eyes as she clamps her mouth shut, holding her sobs. Maybe her father was right. Look at her now, curled up and crying like a baby, desperately wanting to scream at the world that treated her like an unwanted byproduct. An extra, who’d hung on the coattails of others more talented and more skilled. Ena covers her mouth, squeezing her eyes even more tightly shut, trying to keep the tears from falling. It doesn’t work. They seep down her cheeks, dropping down and staining the gray fabric of her skirt. She feels her thoughts spiraling, tunneling farther and farther into that familiar darkness, when she feels a hand grabs her shoulders and pulls her back into reality. Her head jolts up, lifting her gaze to meet the person who’d found her-

But all she sees is two tiny pricks of light in a void of darkness. With a choked yelp, she scrambles away from the shadowy figure, terrified. They simply stare back at her, standing and turning away. Panting, Ena presses a hand over her chest, pulling herself back together and shuffling up to one knee. She leans forward, about to speak, but her words die in her throat as the figure begins to walk. Tiny pricks of light fall from them, hitting the ground and bouncing away with tiny chime-like tinkles. Ena scoots forward, swiping the tears from her eyes and approaching the pieces. As she gets closer and the blurriness fades from her eyes, the spark comes into view. It’s a star. A tiny thing, with four shimmering points. It glows softly as Ena picks it up, cradling it in the palm of her hand like something fragile, precious even. Then, it starts to float. It drifts off of Ena’s palm, flying lazily upward as if pulled by a string, and ascends into the sky. Now that she’s aware of her surroundings, Ena sees even more of the tiny stars around her, lifting from the ground to float into the empty sky above. They dance around each other, frolicking and flickering with a sort of playful warmth as they form constellation after constellation. It’s breathtaking. Ena simply stands there, staring up in wonder. After a minute, she remembers the figure she’d seen, but all that’s left to prove they even existed were a tiny patch of stars, these not floating. They stay on the ground, but don’t seem any less joyful than the ones in the sky. Ena walks over, reaches her hand out and takes one of them. It twirls around in the palm of her hand, and Ena gets the feeling it doesn’t want to leave. With one last glance at the lights behind her, she begins walking back towards the stage, star still in hand. A collection of lights shimmer above her as the first fragments of an idea begin collecting in her head. A starlit sky, a lonely city scape. That feeling of emptiness. Jishou Mushoku.

Remember to keep up with #shadow-audience-au to see new parts and submit your own ideas!

Almost forgot, tags for people whose ideas I featured!

Costume ideas on mizuki’s mannequin/refilling supplies (@stari-hun)

Repairing something (the fish tank) (@carro179)

Pillow fort (@silly-silly-noodles)

Tiny little stars/glowing trinkets that disappear when someone gets too close to them (the disappearing will happen next time, I promise-) (@aaa-batteryy)

[system-of-a-feather]

Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This is NOT professional advice. This is NOT medical advice. This is SOLELY peer advice and pointers from my experience with CPTSD / DID and as a Buddhist; try this and engage with the topics mentioned here at your own careful discretion

I was thinking about it this morning, but the way a lot of professionals and practitioners handle the topic of Mindfulness and Meditation comes from the way that they are clinically taught and ways that are primarily geared for individuals who have not spent the majority of their life 1) dissociated and 2) holding a shit ton of trauma in the body; thus a lot of the time, approaching mindfulness and meditation can be - often as the common best first experience - an extremely challenging thing for individuals with C-PTSD and/or DID to engage with or out right triggering / flooding to engage with. Often the methods - in my experience - that therapist have tried relate either back to the 5-4-3 Method (which helps more acutely) or jumping right into sitting in silence, paying attention to your body / breath, and clearing your mind which often simply does not work for me. The former is very helpful and I do think its a great tool and thing to practice to work on grounding, but what I wanted to kind of discuss was the latter approach.

Mindfulness and Meditation are two things that are extremely prevalent in Buddhist practice and philosophy, and multiple therapy types have taken inspiration and notes from those particular practices and it isn't to say that those applications are wrong - they aren't and both of those are things that are suggested in some branches of Buddhism and by some practitioners - but as someone who is a practicing Buddhist, I think there is some details lost in translation that make mindfulness and meditation a lot more accessible to all.

Misconceptions of Terminology

I find the words "meditation" and "mindfulness" thrown around a lot, but often times, I find a lot of people have a slightly warped / off understanding of it.

In both Buddhist perspective AND clinical perspective, Mindfulness is simply being aware of the present. In a lot of mental health spaces, mindfulness can be added onto and emphasized in specific areas - such as emotional / body mindfulness and similar - but at the end of the day, mindfulness is the simple concept of being aware of the current present moment right now.

Meditation, however, is the concept I find most people have an extremely limited understanding of and concept of in western spaces - including professional spaces. Often, when people talk about meditation in western spaces, people assume that it is sitting down in a cross legged position, hands resting connected to the side, and breathing as you empty your head of all thoughts and - in some practices - that is true, but meditation is far more than that.

Meditation, in itself, is an art form and an active and intentional action, a focus on deeply engaging and observing the action and the state of being that you are in the present moment.

Most importantly, meditation is NOT about emptying your mind of all thoughts and that is often a pitfall ALL people seem to get stuck in. If you try to not think, you will be thinking about not thinking. Your brain will always have thoughts going around, and thats okay and normal! Meditation is about focusing on the present and engaging in active awareness and letting all the other thoughts simply pass by. It's about looking THROUGH the thoughts to observe the now.

The reason meditation is often understood to be the stereotypical sitting position is because of media, Orientalism, and the fact that its a much easier to understand concept for people who are unfamiliar with it to learn and emulate. In a Buddhist perspective, that form of meditation is the act of intentional sitting and/or intentional breathing. You are practicing being fully engaged in the simple act of just sitting or just breathing which is a fundamental step to the end goal of the practice of Just Being and often, for people who are not chronically dissociated, it is a really good starting point.

In my experience, however, as a dissociative person who has been disconnected from my body and survived by endless moving and endless hypervigilance, the skill of just sitting and just breathing were WAY too high of a bar for my current capabilities; thus whenever I tried to do it, I would get uncomfortable and my brain would immediately reject it no matter how much I intentionally tried. So I wanted to provide some "steps" up to that point coming from the perspective of a Buddhist who has / had DID.

Meditation is More than Sitting and Breathing

I honestly think if anything of this post is too long wound or anything, I do strongly recommend just listening to Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche talk about awareness and meditation, because honestly he handles the intricacies better than I do.

In my practice, the first and most important mini-step in learning mindfulness and meditation as a skill, is to first practice the intention to practice it in a manner that is conducive to skill building.

With that in mind, the first goal / skill to master is a rather simple one. Practice going outside with little to no distractions (don't bring electronics or if you do, keep it off and don't use them; limit the fidgets, limit artificial / man made stimuli and distractions, etc) and just find a place to stand, sit, walk. Do this maybe two minutes every other day. Practice at that time point until it becomes easy or, even better, you find yourself naturally wanting to do longer periods.

Finding time, willpower, and the intent to take time out of your day to day to build the skills of Just Being is - in itself - a very difficult task for some, so be kind to yourself. It's hard choose to step back and slow down in modern society, and even harder to apply it

The goal of this step is to just built the habit and awareness of your intent to practice and your interest in building this skill as that habit / intuitive awareness of your intent to practice will help with the second step.

The second step, one that can be done while you are practicing the first if you are comfortable, is to build the skill of observing and intentionally choosing to being aware of things.

This is a skill you don't actually necessarily have to go outside to do, but I find the best practice of this skill is done in combination with the first one. To practice this skill, you have to just simply pause your day to day life every so often and simply *look* at something. This sounds easy, but is deceivingly often hard to do when you start. With that in mind, there are two ways I recommend practicing this depending on how it works for you.

The first way it to practice this DURING the dedicated time you have set aside for building the skill of intentional practice. If you are outside, just choose to look at something, observe it in detail. Try to keep the thing in the forefront of your mind for an extended period of time. What does it look like? How does it move? What things are interacting with it? Even if its an inanimate object, what does it feel? What does it mean? Where does it exist in the world and in life? Just let your thoughts about that object and what you see flow wherever it goes, but try to keep that object as the center of your focus for some time. Do it again with another thing, perhaps observe the existence of two things in relation to each other. Just deeply look and focus on something you see.

I personally love to look at the color green or the movement of life / living beings, but in less abstract concepts of observation; you can just observe trees, leaves, wind, birds, bugs, people, rocks, water, etc. Whatever seems nice, just observe it in depth. If your thoughts trail off from the object, that's okay! Just gently guide your focus back to the object, and return to your observations. Look at things like its the first time you've ever seen it, like you were an alien just stopped onto the face of the earth and this thing in front of you is the most mysterious thing you've ever seen.

The second way, and the most practically applicable way to build this skill is to - throughout your day and day - intentionally be aware of an object when you were otherwise just going about your day to day. That sounds easy, but the challenge is that you have to make yourself think of something when you are otherwise not thinking about it. That's why its helpful in the first step to let the intent of practice become something that floats in your mind. If you are going about your day to day, and you catch the thought passing about this post, mindfulness, meditation, practicing your skill, you can grab that floating thought as a reminder to just be aware of yourself and your action.

Right now, pause reading, look around, and find something around you. Observe it, focus on it, think about it for a bit, acknowledge its existence in relation to everything, acknowledge its state of being, what its doing, what it's purpose. Deeply and intentionally acknowledge that it is there. What's interesting about it?

Right now, I have a white plastic bin near me. I actually usually forget that it's there because I'm accustomed to it always being there that I only really notice or pay attention to it when I want to use it, but it is there. It has my pencils and pens and markers and sticky notes. I've had it actually for years and its always been there, but today I actually am looking at it, and its actually a bit lopsided as it stands because it was placed under a notebook that I actually don't remember what it has written in because I have genuinely forgotten that notebook existed. Both the plastic bin and the book are there, I had forgotten they were there and I stopped being aware of them, but they are there. I don't think I need to do anything about them being there, but maybe I should see what the notebook was used for. Maybe I should put it in another place.

With those TWO skills, you can probably fill years of practice. All of that, by the way, is considered meditation, both halves independently or in tandem, is meditation. The point of both of those practices, is the overall combined skill of actively choosing to pause the autopilot flow of life / stress and to practice being present in the moment, the most fundamental core of both mindfulness and meditation.

Overtime with practice, being able to pause your thoughts, your experience, your feelings, and to take a momentary step back and just observe yourself, your internal experience, and your external experience becomes easier; sitting and doing nothing but sitting becomes easier; breathing and doing nothing but breathing becomes easier and - the most valuable thing for me - the ability to exist with yourself and enjoy just being, becomes easier.

[abyssal-werewolf]

I tried to tag the commenter but the blog doesn't show up, so I can't. TW: this post does contain what could be interpreted as reality checking and although I don't mean any harm, this could potentially be triggering!

But anyway, this requieres a longer answer - I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they just don't know better, which is fine, we're all here to learn. So please don't read an attack into this! I also do not experience delusions myself and certaimly don't want to speak over those who do. I am doing my best to be respectful and not accidentally spread misinformation, but if I mess up, please let me know!

Firstly, "delusion" is not a bad word. a delusion isn't "somethign stupid someone believes in, what the fuck is wromg with them", it's a (symptom of) a serious mental illness, often seen in schizophrenia and psychosis. it's an unshakable belief that contradicts Reality (= in this post, Reality with a capital R refers to the reality that is generally shared by all people and can be seen and experinced by everyone - aside from those who may have delusions). "touching grass" won't do anything to help that, it is reality for them and absolutely nothing and nobody can change that. at worst, telling them they're wrong and should just "touch grass" will make them suffer even more.

so, yes, you could say that all p-shifters experince delusions, because nobody but them can see their transformations. at least, there hasn't been any proof at all until today and their beliefs absolutely clash with science and Reality. but here's the thing: there is a condition called clinical lycanthropy or clinical zoanthropy, which describes exactly the experience of believing you can, have turned or will turn into an animal. there are quite a few of them here on tumblr, having their own community which also often kinda overlaps with alterhuman spaces. those people are not p-shifters! p-shifter is not a medical term or anything, instead it is a term that has evolved here on the internet and has a history of cult-like behaviour, lots of manipulation, malicious people, etc. the "original" p-shifters also oftentimes had a lot of ableistic opinions, openly shitting on clinical zoanthropes, using delusional as an insult, etc. the term p-shifter was never ever meant to describe the experience of clinical zoanthropy. it was invented to create the feeling of belonging to an elite group, to put yourself over others. it's even questionable if the majority of p-shifters actually believes they could transform or if they just wanted power over others, promising them to teach them how to turn, knowing all to well it can't work.

nowadays, some clinical zoanthropes try to "reclaim" the term p-shifter - which is a problem, because you can't just take a term that was NEVER meant to describe your experinces and also never used as a slur against you. a different example in alterhuman context would e the word kinnie - originally made by trolls and to shit on otherkin, it always directly addressed otherkin, even if in a deregatory way. it was meant to be used for otherkin. p-shifter was never meant to be used for delusional people. p-shifter will always have its ties to manipulation and cults, it will always be a harmful term.

I don't and will never allow people who call themselves p-shifters on my blog, because of the terms roots.

there is nothing wrong with truly believing you can transforn into an animal, even tho it contrdicts Reality. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being delusional (as in, it doesn't make you a bad person, of course it almost always comes with suffering). there however IS something wrong with proudly using a term that was NEVER meant for you, never described your experiences and instead has a history of manipulation and online-cults. if you proudly call yourself p-shifter and just basically decide to ignore that history, I don't trust you.

THIS is what my post was about, not about the fact that some people are delusional.

[sundragon]

As a dissociative system who spent most of our life into our 20s splitting without realizing it, convinced we were endogenic soulbonds for all of that... you would think I'd be bitter about endos! But it is in fact free, $0, to not project my problems onto them. The world and my brain are confusing, and I was biased against a medical perspective long before meeting other systems.

It smacks of personal responsibility in a way I think a lot of people wrapped up in this discourse do not wanna acknowledge. What other people do - online, not in your real life / against your will to remove yourself from - is not your circus. And that goes both ways. I have fictional characters in my head and so does an endogenic follower; our similarities are complicated and don't always align, but at the end of the day they had Nothing to do with my upbringing, medical issues, and (ongoing!) identity crisis. No corny pride flags or "the future is plural" slogans or magic spells had a single effect on me that I ultimately didn't have control over.

If I read something I didn't like, or met a system that confused me, I could simply ignore them. That's how the internet works. What you see is your own responsibility. How you react to what you see is likewise your own responsibility. Having this disorder doesn't give us a pass to make it the problem of strangers. They have fuck all to do with it. Like, clinically.

It's our problem, not anyone else's! Deal with it! This is the message of tough love that you need but may not want. You and your system are responsible for itself. Internet beefing with endos until the end of time is pathetic. Your priorities are about clout, not wellness.

Full offense, but at some point you gotta grow up and stop blaming other people for your problems. Non-disordered systems, systems with mixed or unknown origins, whatever the heck is trendy to hate on, you've gotta let it go. Things in our life messed us up and made us weird, great, now cope with it. It's no one else's job to hold your hand while you explore the internet and come into contact with people you disagree with. Be upset, be creeped out, disbelieve them, be against anything you want, but it's your problem. No one else is guilty, you just can't handle it.

[zet-sway]

So this is TMI but I felt like I had to share somewhere because I just keep thinking about it

I had a positive experience! This post is about NSFW activities!

I actually got organically horny the other day. Like I actually walked over to my husband and said hey let's get it on.

My libido is historicslly terrible. And in fact, recently, I was diagnosed with a partially empty sella. My rudimentary understanding of this is that the sella contains my pituitary gland, which is either abnormally small or is being compressed by cerebrospinal fluid. It's not life threatening, and lots of people have this but never find out. I only found out after an MRI scan for an unrelated condition. A partially empty sella can cause low libido and some other issues (abnormal menstrual cycle etc).

So I have clinically low horny levels. Setting aside the obvious irony that I write almost exclusively smut, you can imagine how this has affected my marriage to my wonderful but tragically much hornier-than-me husband. Let me be clear - my husband is in no way coercing me into activities I don't want. But it does make both of us sad when he asks if I'm down and I say I'm not (which happens often). He's attentive and he tries so hard to make it as easy as possible for me, but most of the time, sex feels like this intangible thing that I know is real but slips from my grasp every time I try to hold it.

When I write fanfiction, I'm often reaching for experiences I know are possible but I haven't actually felt in a really, really long time. I think a lot of the projection in my fics is the desire to actually experience desire. I'm fantasizing about feeling horny, because it's something I want, but does not come normally to me. And for the most part I'm ok with that. But sometimes it's immensely frustrating.

But I actually initiated sex! And for once - fuck, dude - for once it felt like I remember it feeling. For once I felt the full-body takeover I remember from so many years ago. For once I was actually revved up. We even tried some shit we've never tried before, and for fucks sakes I had the one of the easiest and most satisfying orgasms of my life. I usually have to work so fucking hard to get there, it's physically and mentally exhausting and it doesn't help that I'm taking medication known for making climax harder to achieve. But this time it happened as easily as breathing. I felt so alive, so in love.

But it happened. And I'm so happy. Days later I feel like I'm still soaking up the afterglow. I don't know how long it'll be until I have this kind of experience again. I'm just so relieved to know my body is at least capable, however infrequently, of experiencing arousal ♡

[duchessofostergotlands]

To be honest I haven't liked the things Catherine has been saying about mental health lately. First that talking therapy doesn't help everyone, now this. For a royal to say a short sentence or two about mental health... it can easily come across the wrong way & doesn't show nuance. Yes, talking therapy doesn't help everyone, but her saying this could discourage people from trying it out. Not everyone who feels anxious has a medical condition and needs medication, but some of us do!

Let's look at what she said (and buckle up, it's a long one):

Quote number 1: At an art therapy charity. Someone said writing music had been an easier way to get their feelings out than talking in a clinical space. Kate responded: "Talking therapies don’t work for some people, they’re not for everybody. It’s so important to have a range of therapies." She then followed it up by talking about how many people won't respond to talking therapies because of their own preconceptions about clinical spaces and so it's important to let those people know that there are safe alternative spaces like this charity where they can come for help in a way that works for them.

Unless you're asserting talking therapy does work for everyone and alternative therapies shouldn't be offered, I can't see what the issue is. It's 100% truthful. An analysis by the Child Outcomes Research Consortium found that only a third of children had recovered (i.e. they were no longer above the clinical threshold) by the end of therapy. About 40% responded they'd experienced no change at all. For adults it's slightly better but NHS Digital report only 50% of adults who access therapy have recovered by the time it's over. That's before we even get into the fact that talking therapies were built by and for predominantly white westerners and so large chunks of the population find them completely unhelpful, even actively damaging. There's an article here on that. So it's accurate to state that they don't work for everyone - for a variety of reasons - and alternatives need to be accessible for those who have reason to not trust professional services, or who had therapy and haven't recovered. In fact, this is a big problem in therapy because people often go into it thinking it'll fix things and then ending treatment without being "cured" is extremely difficult for them. And that issue is caused by precisely this unwillingness from the public and some professionals to be honest and acknowledge that talking therapies won't work for everyone.

Quote number 2: I can't find the full quote but essentially she said that normal anxieties should not be over-medicalised.

I wrote a whole thing about this, read that. I'm going to illustrate with an example from Drag Race. A few years ago there was a contestant who wasn't popular, I can't really remember why, but in their sob story episode they opened up about their clinical depression. And the reaction all over social media was "who cares? Everyone has depression!" But the thing is... they don't. In the US, where it was filmed, 2/3 of people don't have depression in their lifetime. We have created an environment where instead of normalising mental illness so those who have it feel accepted, we've overcorrected. And now it's cool and trendy to make stress into Anxiety Disorder, to making lying into gaslighting, to make your dick of an ex boyfriend's behaviour a Personality Disorder. All of which means that people who genuinely do have mental illnesses are taken less seriously and for conditions like mine (I have BPD) stigma is worse than it's been at any point since I was diagnosed 8 ish years ago. And that's not to mention medications for mental illnesses can be heavy duty. She was at an event for children and it's perfectly reasonable to question whether a doctor giving a child meds after a five minute appointment because the child said they were anxious is a sensible and healthy choice. It's there in the name - over medicalising. It's like any medical procedure. No one is saying you shouldn't cut someone's arm off if they have a serious infection and it's needed. But you shouldn't cut their arm off just because they got a paper cut. PS something slightly outside the scope of this because Kate can't be partisan but we talk about this a lot at work, the link between over-medicalising and poverty. A good article on that here.

I understand what you're saying about the fact that sometimes quotes are clipped out of context and royals need to think about what the headline will be but even taken out of context, all of her statements are accurate. And actually in my view it's the first time I've ever seen her be nuanced! I've always found her mental health work patchy because I feel like she unintentionally contributed to a lot of the issues I've outlined above but she's finally talking about things that are not talked about as much, even amongst professionals. I get your perspective because I was there a few years ago. When someone first mentioned the concept of over-medicalising to me I thought it was denying mental illness is real etc. But then I realised that knee jerk reaction was coming from my insecurities about my illness and my past experiences of struggling to get care, it wasn't actually about the concept itself.

[yanderes-galore]

Short/one shot w/ Moira from Overwatch, platonic/romantic or just platonic: Moira needs a new lab rat so she hosts a "vaccine clinic" as a front to find/kidnap one, and darling is just *perfect* for the role! And hmm, darling seems to having a reaction to the "vaccine", they should come to the back room with Moira, surely it's nothing that can't be fixed with a little medical attention... - 🧪

Sure! Kept the pairing vague for this once I got to properly read the request 😅

Doctor Says

Yandere! Moira Short

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Drugging, Kidnapping, Human experimentation, Manipulation, Implied Stockholm syndrome, Forced/Dubious companionship, Sadism, Dehumanization, Degrading behavior.

To continue her work... Moira realized she needed more test subjects. She's worked on animals, she's worked on herself, she's even worked on some humans. Yet her thirst for knowledge is... never-ending.

This is what started the "vaccine clinic". Despite her just being a geneticist and not a licensed medical doctor, she still managed to make a fake vaccine clinic work with help from Talon. This was how she planned to get a wide range of subjects.

The plan was easy enough. She fills a few syringes with anesthesia, convinces a few people that they're having a reaction, and do what she wishes with them. People who came into the "clinic" varied in size, gender, and age.

But amongst the crowd of her chosen subjects... she found you.

At first she thought she has enough subjects already. Her plan was working and she managed to convince about five to be under her care. Then she saw you... someone she felt would be perfect... some she just had to have.

You looked at her with so much trust. You wanted to try the new vaccine. However, Moira didn't feel bad when she injected you with the drug.

"Dear, you look sick..." Moira coos in a worried tone, rehearsed perfectly as she had said it for all the rest. "Why don't you sit down?"

Just like that, you're out like a light...

and at her mercy.

While Moira was intrigued by you at first, she treats you like all the other patients. Your encounters with her usually involve experiments. Sometimes there's pain... sometimes you're too drugged up to notice.

You can't speak much for the other "patients" as you have never seen them. Moira keeps you in a separate room and she's the only one to ever see you. You ask her if there's other doctors... she says nothing.

Once the first few experiments take place is when you realize you've been trapped. By the time you feel pain and are told you have a disease you had no idea you had, you know you're being lied to. You've been tricked...

Now you're forced to endure Moira's twisted ideals.

Moira was never a person known for her empathy. To her, the sacrifices you and others are giving will help humanity move forward. All that matters are results.

Yet Moira will admit she's gotten... attached to you as experiments go on.

To you, time is irrelevant. You have no idea where you are. There's no visible clocks, only bleak walls and a dull pain in your body. Along with the drugs often being coursed through your blood to make the experiments easier... you are never performing at your full potential.

All that you get to see is Moira, your "doctor". At first you hated her, you despised what she's done to you. You doubt you're even fully human anymore.

Yet now... she's really all you have. When conducting experiments she reassures you she's making you better. You don't believe it, especially with the discoloration of your skin. Despite your distrust she's the only comfort you have.

In fact, you start to lean into her. You admit she's the only contact you've had in who knows how long. Moira's reaction to this was rather... neutral.

Although later on Moira began to feed into this. After a test is ran she praises you and gives positive encouragement. In fact... you're treated not as a human, but as a pet.

Unexpectedly... you're living for it.

You lean into her touches and allow her to do as she pleases. Your "doctor" appears pleased at her developments. Not only do you yield promising results...

But now she has a little pet... a lab rat to test and reward.

You looking forward to seeing her was a change she didn't know she wanted. To see you eagerly wait for her in your testing clothes like a dog waiting for their owner was... cute. Out of all her subjects... you were the favorite.

It gets to the point even when she greets you she compliments you and asks how you are. She wasn't expecting to be so attached to you. Yet now she can't imagine parting from you.

At this point... she may not even need the other subjects. She's fine with just you. Only because you're so compliant.

You listen to every order. Every little thing she tells you, you obey. It's what the doctor says, right?

Moira feels accomplished when she finds and "trains" you. You're the perfect lab rat. The best part?

She gets to keep you all to herself.

Her little experiment... one that listens to every order she gives.

[photogirl894]

@clonexreaderbingo

Square: Echo

Fun fact about this bingo one-shot...it is actually a sequel to another fic!! That fic is the Fives x reader fic "AWOL" by @l-lend 😆 We both figured out what bingo fics we were doing next and it happened to work out that she got Fives and I got Echo...then before we knew it, we were tag-teaming and came up with story ideas for both our fics together that would work as one cohesive story! There were a lot of people who loved her fic and now, in this one, you'll see more of the story of Fives and reader...and a reunion I know we all wish could've happened 🥹 Go read K's fic first if you haven't (cuz it's amazing) and then I hope you all enjoy this one, as well 😊

"Captain Rex…we found him."

The former Captain of the 501st moved over to the screen where his fellow Clone colleague was pointing at a planet on a galaxy map, one way out in the Outer Rim.

"Finally…there you are, Fives," Rex thought to himself.

Over a year prior, his brother, Fives, had gone off the grid after discovering a conspiracy with the Clones that would've put his life in danger. He'd faked his death and escaped to the Outer Rim with the medic he loved to start a new life together, away from anything that could threaten them. At first, Rex hadn't even known that Fives was alive, but Commander Tano later informed him of the situation, which had been shocking to say the least. However, after the events of Order 66, Fives and his medic suddenly went radio silent and disappeared. While building an underground Clone network to fight against the Empire over the course of many months, Rex had also been having some of his contacts trying to locate Fives…and now, he'd finally been found.

"Who's been found, Rex?"

The Captain looked over his shoulder to his other brother he was close to; one who'd recently joined in his efforts: Echo. He'd temporarily left his squad to help Rex find other Clones who needed help in the galaxy. Echo had been Fives' best friend who was also once believed dead in an explosion a long time ago and, in Rex's mind, the timing of Echo joining and the locating of Fives couldn't be more perfect.

Rex went up to Echo, laid a hand on his shoulder and simply stated in reply, "Echo...you're coming with me for this one."

Echo gave him a nod. "Is it another Clone?"

"Yeah, it is…a very important one I've been looking for, for a long time."

"Babe, I'm home!"

You heard the one voice you loved most call to you from the front of your home and a smile crossed your face. "I'm in the kitchen!" you said back, raising your voice so he could hear you.

While you continued stirring the soup you were preparing, you soon felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and a warm chest pressed against your back. A pair of soft lips made loving contact with your cheek and a deep voice greeted you in your ear, "Hello, beautiful."

"Hey, handsome," you said back, turning your face so you could kiss him on the lips.

"Did you have many patients today?" he asked you, removing his arms from you.

You added a pinch of salt to your soup. "Just a couple," you answered. "One man got bit by a tooka on the hand and then a little boy fell from a tree and broke his arm."

"Was it Alby?" Fives inquired.

You chuckled. "Yeah, it was. Same kid who sprained his ankle last month."

"That is one accident-prone boy," he commented.

Since you and Fives had arrived on this planet, you'd already made a name for yourself here as a medic for the nearby villages. Luckily, this planet was far enough in the Outer Rim that no one recognized Fives as a Clone soldier, so that made things a lot easier for the both of you. While you accepted medical patients in your own at-home clinic, Fives worked at a nearby shipyard. You both had managed to make an enjoyable, peaceful new life for yourselves here and you couldn't be happier.

"By the way, you didn't clean up your hair in the sink from trimming your goatee again this morning," you chided him, raising your eyebrows at him.

In response, he purposefully averted his gaze, sniffed loudly and said, looking at the pot in front of you, "Mmm, the soup smells delicious, babe."

"Uh-uh, don't try and change the subject," you said, though you couldn't help but smirk at him. At one point in time, when you'd thought he was dead, you would've given anything to see those annoying hairs in your sink again. Guess all it took was him miraculously "returning from the dead" and running away together to a faraway planet for you to get that again.

He put an arm around your shoulders and kissed your temple. "I'm sorry, I'll do better next time," he promised. "I'm going to go change out of my work clothes and then I'll be down for dinner, okay?"

"Sounds good," you said as he left and went upstairs.

You got two bowls out and carefully ladled out hot soup into both of them. As you set them onto the table, there was a knock at your door. You were curious, you weren't expecting any visitors. You went to the door and pressed the button to open it. The door slid open with a swish and the face you saw was one you weren't expecting.

"Captain Rex!"

Dressed in dark blue and gray civvie clothes stood before you the Clone Captain you hadn't seen in a long time; not since before you ran off with Fives. You could tell there was someone else standing directly behind him, but you couldn't see their face.

"Good to see you again, (Y/N)," he said to you with a pleasant grin.

"How did you…how did you find us?" you asked.

"It wasn't easy, I'll tell you that," he told you.

Then he stepped to the side to reveal who was behind him: another Clone with pale, sunken skin, dressed in red and white as well as dark leather armor. He had a cybernetic headpiece wrapped around the back of his head and his arm was a scomp link, which you'd never seen before. However, something about this Clone seemed familiar to you. Having worked with so many of them, you picked up on smaller details that helped make each of them distinct in your eyes, apart from their normal distinctive features like hair, tattoos or armor. There was something about this Clone that your mind was telling you that you knew him well.

He recognized you the moment he saw you and his eyes went wide. "It's you!" he exclaimed.

You gazed at him thoughtfully, trying to figure out who this Clone was. You'd never seen any that looked like him yet you were positive you knew him. Why did Rex bring this one here to find you and Fives?

Once you thought about Fives, it clicked in your mind almost immediately. There could only be one Clone that would matter this much for Rex to painstakingly find you both and bring the Clone to you; a Clone that had missing limbs…most likely from a fight or explosion.

It couldn't be!

"Echo…?" you asked aloud, holding to the hope you were right.

He grinned. "You do remember me."

You gasped in shock and your hands flew up to your mouth. "I don't believe it! You're alive!" You stepped forward and placed your hands on his shoulders, taking a good look at him. "You look different, but I can still see that glint of hope in your eyes that you always had before. I can't believe it's you. It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," he said back.

Waving your hand, you gestured for them to come inside and stated, "Come in and wait just a moment. I'll go get my husband." Then you took off quickly up the stairs.

"Husband?" Echo repeated, looking at Rex. "Is this another Clone deserter with a family like Cut?"

"Not a deserter, no," answered Rex. "This Clone's life was in danger for specific reasons, so he's been in hiding for a while. It's likely he'll have to stay in hiding even longer now that the Empire is phasing out Clones."

There were footsteps coming down the stairs and Fives suddenly appeared, wearing a set of gray and green civvies. He was just as surprised to see Rex, too. You appeared on the stairs behind him, where you stayed, watching what was about to unfold.

"Rex!" Fives exclaimed. He opened his mouth to say something more, but then his eyes found the other person in the room and any words he had failed him in the moment.

Echo's eyes grew large at who now came into the room and he quietly gasped. The goatee, the Aurebesh "5" tattoo…a face he never thought he'd see again.

"Fives…," he spoke softly, a faint tremor in his voice.

Even though it had taken you a moment to figure out who it was, Fives recognized his brother and best friend immediately, even in the state he was in with cybernetic limbs. Fives felt numb for a moment and was sure he had to be in the middle of a dream. Echo was dead; he'd watched him die. The anguished scream of Echo's name that had left his lips in that awful moment sounded in his mind. It had been real, he'd seen it…yet Echo was standing in front of him in his home in the flesh.

He slowly stepped closer to Echo and Rex moved back a bit to give them some space. Fives couldn't tear his eyes away from the now gaunt face of his long-lost brother, expecting to blink and see him disappear, but he never did.

"Echo…!" he gasped, his eyes looking his brother over.

Timidly, Echo said back to him, "Yeah, I…I've been through some things."

Fives smirked slightly and a quiet snicker left his mouth as he replied, "I'll say…you got taller."

Echo chuckled, not entirely expecting that response. "I…I thought you were dead," he said.

"I thought you were dead," Fives said, gesturing to him. Then with a small grin, he shook his head and asked, "I guess the galaxy just can't get rid of us, can it?"

"No…I guess it can't," Echo agreed.

Finally, the two of them couldn't hold back anymore and Fives pulled Echo into his arms, embracing him tighter than ever. The one good hand Echo had clung to Fives' collar for dear life, burying his head into his brother's shoulder.

"I've missed you, brother," Fives told him.

"I've missed you, too, brother," Echo replied.

Rex had moved over by you on the stairs and the two of you exchanged happy smiles at seeing Echo and Fives finally being reunited after so long apart.

Then you remembered something very important and you whispered to Rex, "I'll be right back." Then without waiting, you took off back upstairs.

Finally, Fives pulled back and placed his hands on Echo's shoulders. "Look at you! You look so tough now with the scomp arm and the headpiece…you've grown."

"You wouldn't believe how much I've changed," said Echo with a grin. Then he spotted Rex standing by the stairs and, peering around Fives, he stated, "Rex, you told me Fives was dead."

"At the time, I thought he was, too," Rex explained. "It wasn't until recently I learned otherwise, but I had to keep it a secret for Fives' safety."

Just then, you came down the stairs and you announced, "Echo, Rex…there's someone we'd like you to meet."

Then you emerged into the room, carrying a small bundle in your arms. When you pulled back part of the blanket that wrapped it, you revealed the small, sleeping face of a baby.

"You…you have a child?" Echo asked, astonished.

"We sure do. Echo, Rex, this is our son," Fives stated with pride as he came up beside you, smoothing back the boy's dark hair.

"What's his name?" inquired Rex.

You and Fives looked at each other, the weight of that question now hitting the both of you. You both thought no one would ever get to know, let alone these two now in your home, and it made you both smile.

"His name…is Echo," you answered, your eyes finding your son's namesake.

Rex looked to Echo in surprise and Echo's eyes flashed wider in happy shock. Then he stepped closer and glanced down at the little one that bore his name, feeling as though his heart could burst with joy.

"Hey there, little one," he said.

Just then, the baby stirred in his sleep and his eyes slowly fluttered open to reveal a pair of golden brown eyes looking up at him; eyes that matched both Fives' and Echo's.

You and Fives both gasped in delight. "Look at that! He knows you," you said gleefully.

"I would hope so after all the stories I've told him," commented Fives, tapping his son's nose. "He's got Clone blood in him. He recognizes a fellow brother…or in this case, his uncle we named him in honor of."

Echo smiled at him warmly.

Looking between Rex and Echo, you asked them, "You'll both stay for dinner, won't you? I've made plenty of soup to feed all of us."

Rex and Echo exchanged glances and Rex answered, "Of course, we will."

Through dinner, you and Fives explained everything that had happened in your lives over the past long while since Echo's "death". You both explained how Fives uncovered the conspiracy of the Clones' inhibitor chips the Kaminoans put in them after something that had happened to his fellow soldier and friend, Tup, which led to both Echo and Rex explaining how his discovery led to both of them getting their own chips out as well as the Bad Batch, the group of Clones Echo had joined. Knowing what he'd done had helped his two closest brothers made Fives glad and he was incredibly grateful. Then you both talked about how, after Order 66, someone in the city you'd been staying in recognized Fives as a Clone and you both knew he'd be in trouble if you stayed, so you packed up and disappeared, thinking it would be easier if no one knew where you were at all, not even the Jedi who had helped find your first hiding place to begin with. That was why no one had been able to find you two until now.

After dinner, Rex offered to help you collect the dishes while you ushered Fives and Echo out back so they could have some time with just the two of them.

"I don't think I've seen Fives this happy since the day we ran away together," you commented to Rex as you washed one of the bowls.

"I agree. I knew once we found Fives, I needed to bring Echo with me. The timing worked out well," Rex said.

"If it had been anyone else, I might've been annoyed that we'd been found, but I'm glad it was you two," you said.

Rex grinned. "I'm just glad you both are still safe."

"As am I."

Outside the house, Fives was being regaled with Echo's stories of how he survived the explosion at the Citadel, being captured by the Techno Union then held captive at Skako Minor and then how he was rescued by the Bad Batch as well as all of the events that had followed the rise of Empire.

Fives commented to Echo in amusement, "So you're telling me that you, the soldier who was always on our squad about following orders, actually joined another Clone squad that's notorious for not following orders? You're joking, right?"

Echo snickered. "I told you you'd be surprised how much I've changed."

"Yeah, you weren't kidding," said Fives. Then he sighed contentedly. "I can't believe everything you've been through and yet, you're still here stronger than ever. You always were stronger than me."

"That's not true," said Echo.

"Agree to disagree," Fives relented. Then he grinned and shook his head. "Look at us...Echo and Fives, back together. The last two Dominoes standing."

Echo's expression turned solemn at the mention of their former squad as cadets. "Yeah…do you ever think about them? Cutup, Droidbait and Hevy?"

With a nod, Fives answered, "All the time. And Tup, too. Sometimes, I wonder how different things might've been had they all made it."

"That's why I'm with Rex right now," Echo said. "You and I couldn't save our squad back at the Rishi moon outpost nor were you able to save Tup, but there are plenty of other Clones throughout the galaxy that I can save in helping Rex. That's why I'm still fighting: for my brothers I've lost and for the many that are still out there being threatened by the Empire."

Fives looked on at his brother with pride. This was the Echo he'd always known and gladly fought beside since their cadet days; the one who fought for Kamino alongside him forever ago. It had pained him to learn of the recent downfall of Kamino, knowing what they had done to try and protect it before.

With a small chuckle, Fives asked, "When did you get so wise?"

"Being trapped in a stasis chamber gives you a lot of time to think," replied Echo.

Then Fives laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Echo. I really am."

Echo smiled at him. "I'm proud of you, too. You've made a great life for yourself here. You married an amazing woman and you have a kid…you're a husband and a father, something I'm sure neither of us ever expected."

"You don't think of me as a deserter, do you?" asked Fives hesitantly.

"I'd never think that of you, especially knowing what you've done to help the Clones," Echo reassured him.

"Then you understand that…I can't go back with you and Rex," said Fives sadly. "I have my wife and my son here who need me. As much as I would love to fight at your side again--"

"I'd never ask you to leave your family, brother," Echo interrupted him. "I'm going where I'm needed…and you'll be where you're needed. That's all that matters."

They both then heard you and Rex coming over to them, you with little Echo in your arms.

"I'm afraid…we need to go," Rex stated, his face and voice full of regret.

Echo gave him a nod and then faced Fives once more. There was melancholy in both their expressions, not wanting to say goodbye and wondering if this would be the last time they'd be together.

However, Fives put on a positive grin, like he always did, grasped Echo's shoulder and declared, "This isn't goodbye, brother. We'll see each other again."

Echo nodded and reached across with his good hand to grasp Fives' shoulder in turn. "We will," he promised. Then he turned to face you and asked of you, "Keep taking care of him for me, will you?"

"You know I will," you vowed to him, "as long as you help take down the Empire and show them who's boss!"

"I can do that," he said, snickering. He looked down at his nephew, who was making small baby sounds at him. "And you, little Echo...you need to look after both your mom and your dad while I'm gone. Get big and strong like the little soldier you are." He slipped his finger into the baby's hand, which grasped it tightly. "Now that I know you, I need to come back and see you grow up…so I'm going to fight as hard as I can to make the galaxy a safe place for you. That's a promise from your Uncle Echo."

There were tears in your eyes listening to Echo's heartfelt oath to your son. In that moment, you knew you and Fives had made the perfect choice in naming your child after him.

You both bade a final farewell for now to both Echo and Rex and before long, you saw their ship take off into the evening sky. Fives had his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head into the crook of his neck.

"Do you really think we'll see them again?" you asked your husband.

Running his hand up and down your arm, he answered you, "Echo and I have both beaten incredible odds and we've never been ones to give up easily. If he promised to come back and be in our son's life…then he'll keep that promise and Rex will help him do just that. We'll see them again, babe…I know it."

Clone x Reader Bingo 2023

[novemberfyshenuke]

Trigun AU

I was crying over my exams, so I went ahead and doodled a little more on the dentist au to cope. Here are the headcanons I came up with lol

Livio

Originally, Livio was meant to be a coworker or even an assistant to Knives in his clinic but I had a revelation. I think there's two things he is most likely to be: A dancer and self defense trainer. No one really expects a bulky guy like him to be so free flowing like that. I think it brings such a fun vibe to him.

He has a space above Knives' clinic and can often be seen picking up children from the ground floor.

He grew up in the church with Nico so he's someone who values God.

He slouches as if to make him smaller. The guy struggles to be stern with his students.

Razlo

Razlo is most likely a prosecutor. Livio grew up in a dangerous and terrible environment before he was brought to the church, so Razlo can be fiercely protective over him. That doesn't mean he hasn't hurt him at some point.

Razlo is musically skilled. I like to think the two of them have a thing going on where Razlo starts playing a random tune out loud and Livio's starts vibing to that.

Meryl

She's a journalist. Well, more like a blogger. Milly and her grew up in the same neighborhood and that's how she met Roberto. In her mind, she admires him and his job. As she grew older though, she did come to realize Roberto isn't the flawless role model she always thought of.

She's very perceptive and quite the smart cookie, but tends to get ahead of herself when she's too excited.

Loud unintentionally. It does benefit her with her work at times, but hanging out with friends? Just bury her six feet under, won't you?

She's studying accountancy because. Just because. I see her being stressed out at the data she's had to recompute for the past hour because Vash is being too loud.

Milly

MY GIRLLLLL

She works part time in a cafe/ restaurant her family owns

Roberto is her uncle (DON'T ARGUE WITH ME)

She's really strong from the amount of groceries and stocks she's asked to carry by her family

Also studying accountancy because she saw how determine Meryl was with her studies.

I guarantee you she finishes the homework first and Meryl asks to doublecheck her answers to see if she (Meryl) got it correct.

Many would call her naive but really, she just likes seeing the good in people. Her parents raised their kids that way afterall.

Her family's restaurant is where the gang hangs out most days.

She's really into motocross and that's how she and Nico bonded over.

Isn't really sporty but will definitely join and demolish you in basically any sport. Basketball? Just try dunking that ball when she's guarding. Hockey? Bro those bruises are going to hurt.

She's got really good luck and she's also really good at board games.

She does tend to get overly emotional though and acts before thinking. Meryl is always quick to swoop in and steady her in these situations.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

He's an actual priest. I know he has a lot of repressed feelings because of his duties. I mean. His entire inner monologue is just, "You shine so unbelievably bright. You create hope for the people around you like the very god I worship. But it's not like I'd kiss you on the lips or anything or...or whatever."

He's definitely looks older than he actually is.

Weak lungs when he was a child and he's still on medication. That doesn't stop him from smoking though. Everyone around him is always telling him to stop but his response is always, "They didn't fix my lungs just so I don't make use of them."

He can't grow a beard. The best he can get is his stubble and so he is so envious of Roberto's.

He's always dropping bible verses and then gets corrected by Knives about certain facts from the book. He hates him for it.

Legato

He's a fashion designer. He loves being in the field just not as the main focus anymore.

Elegant af in public and yet so unhinged with his crew.

He's got a wonderful voice; probs does voice acting on the side for animated shows/movies.

I like to think everyone takes a look at his work and then research him only to be jumpscared by his alt lifestyle on instagram.

He's cringe as hell to his friend group ngl. He'd sing his early 2000s Avril Lavigne in that overtly cartoonish emo voice.

He's a little obsessed with getting Knives to model for him after they shared one class in college.

Elindira

An influencer and Livio's business partner.

Much stricter on lessons and I think that's why they're compatible.

She's also a lawyer, because I can see her fighting an argument for Livio and winning.

She's very mature...when's not with Legato. Then they immediately link and start bickering like siblings.

She's the type to use a number of pet names for everyone.

Red sportscar. Red lipstick. In her pajamas and wearing cat-eyed shades while holding her head because of the hang-over she has but she still has to pick up the tiny menace from middle school. (Zazie)

She's a wine aunt and you can't convince me otherwise.

Never had a bad hair day in her life

Terrible blunt about things it honestly causes more harm than good but she won't ever lie to your face.

Vash

He likes collecting happy meal toys and displaying them in a glass cabinet in the family house dining room. This has translated to him collecting every single mascot figurine from business partners and local businesses around the area.

In high school, he worked part-time promoting Milly's family restaurant by spinning a sign around in a beat up rented mascot suit. No one will ever know who the kid behind that giant dog head was.

Mama's boy...cough

He dresses like an 80s rockstar or a biker but he's never actually approached a bike because of Mama Rem's constant helicopter parenting.

People just assume he's a 'bad boy' because he has a piercing and is a little full of himself at times.

When he's not interning at Knives' clinic, he's an emergency medical volunteer.

He's always been more of an 'I excel in theory but not in practice' guy.

He once made a patient's gums bleed and had them sobbing because he was too focused on getting on with the procedure he messed up the prep work.

Sneaks candies from the jar on top of Knives' desk

He has a prosthetic because I think it's funny for boyfailure no.1 to randomly have the batteries die or it doesn't function correctly.

Dyslexic and was quite sensitive as a child so he often got picked on.

Knives

Boyfailure no. 2 is a well-known specialist who's always rebelled against his mom but still ended up following her footsteps in the field.

He's lazy. He really feels disgusted having to stick his hands in someone's mouth cavity, but dang does his morbid curiosity always win.

I like to think he's mellowed out here because Vash and him watched My Little Pony and at the same time Superbook. He's like super confused and yet enlightened by all these moral stories and going, "Yeah, you're right, Jesus. Twilight Sparkle did deserve better!" or something...

His older cousin, Tesla, always picks on him for going by Knives rather than the name their mom picked out for him.

Do I think Knives is a kid who decided to pick a chosen name when he was 12? Yes. Yes I do.

He excels objectively and fails miserably when it comes to subjective things.

He wears sandals. Rem always got him and Vash those Velcro strap shoes so he, although he doesn't want to admit it, doesn't know how to tied his laces. He also refuses to search it up because he's convinced himself that Vash has this wagered war of who learns from the youtube video first.

He has difficulty accepting affection despite having Vash and Rem around because as a child, Vash came first. He needed to be prioritized.

Imma get to the others another time.