#this chapter really hurt but the cover comforts me

[homeless202]

the symbolism of this cover is so important

❗SPOILERS BELOW❗

seeing how HJ and juwan weren't there when EY walked out, the cover implies that EY saved himself by taking his younger version with him, leaving everything else behind. he never had anyone, so he has to do it himself.

the way EY walks out his younger princess version also implies EY himself is the prince who saves the princess. and therefore doesn't need anyone else (a different prince) to save him.

also the fact that his younger self is the Cinderella version implies that that's how EY views his younger self: dressed up and happy doing what he loves <- that's the version he wants to take with him, not the angry and hateful version.

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 11: It's Coming

Summary: Things have begun to shift in your developing relationship with your pack. Unfortunately, nature has the worst timing in the world. 

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Warnings: Suggestive content, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, military inaccuracies, language, medical stuff, plenty of fluff.

A/N: I wrote like 90% of this chapter on my phone so please forgive any weird typos. I'm super excited for this one and this whole part really. Lots of good stuff coming up!!

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

At first you’re not quite sure what pulled you from sleep. You’re warm and more comfortable than you have been in a long time, despite the dull throbbing between your thighs. The pillow against your back shifts, a chill settling in as some of the warmth disappears. 

You blink your eyes open, squinting against the harsh blue light of a phone screen. Price lets out a quiet groan, swiping at something before settling his phone back on the nightstand in front of you. His arms wrap back around your middle, his face pressing into the back of your neck as he settles against you again. 

It was his phone vibrating that had woken you, pulling you from the gentle arms of sleep. It’s still dark out, far too early to be up and getting phone calls, especially on a Sunday morning. You wonder how often John actually gets to sleep, between his job and everything he does when he’s not away. You’re understanding the couch in his office more and more now. 

“Go back to sleep.” He murmurs, a quiet rumbling vibrating against your back as he purrs.

You don’t need to be told twice, snuggling down under the covers again, letting your eyes close. 

You wake a while later alone. It’s daylight finally, the sunlight coming through the window lighting the room. You press your face into the pillow, inhaling Price’s scent. It still smells a bit like arousal and sex in the room, both of your scents heavy in the air. They blend together surprisingly well, Price’s musky woody scent mixing with the sweetness of your own scent. It makes an intoxicating aroma of alpha and omega. 

Price comes out of the bathroom, slipping back under the covers. You curl up against his side, laying your head on his chest as he wraps an arm around you. 

“Morning.” He murmurs, voice heavy with sleep still. 

You hum in response, resting your head over his heart. 

“How do you feel?” He asks, his fingers trailing your bare back. 

“A bit sore.” You say, acknowledging the throbbing between your legs. ��Not as bad as I thought I might.” 

Price huffs out a laugh. “It shouldn’t hurt, not if you know what you’re doing.” 

You hum again, the knowledge that he’s very experienced coming to the forefront of your mind. Even if it has been two years, you can imagine him when he was younger, the kind of experiences he must have had. Omegas and barrack bunnies and all sorts of women probably fawned over him. 

“You’re thinking too much.” He says quietly, eyes closed as he lays there with you. 

You’re starting to think he might be able to read your mind. 

“Can I ask you something? Something...personal?” You ask, tilting your head up to look at him. 

He cracks an eye open to stare down at you. “Don’t think you can get much more personal than we already are.” His lips twitch up in a smile. “‘Course, you can ask me anything.” 

“When was the last time you helped an omega through a heat?” You ask, listening to the steady thump of his heart under your ear. 

“Years ago. Well over a decade ago.” He says, voice still thick and raspy with sleep. He clears his throat, a hand settling on your waist. “Back when I was still a Sergeant. I had the idea back then of settling down, finding an omega and having my own pack. Had a few on and off relationships. Then I started getting sent off on more and more dangerous missions. I realized my skill set and my purpose, and gave up the idea of having an omega. I couldn’t stand the thought of putting them through that, if something happened to me. I’ve seen what losing an alpha does to an omega firsthand too many times.” 

A frown tugs at your brows as you lay there against his chest. You know the risk of them dying is high. The CIA had spent ample time warning you of that risk, telling you about how dangerous their lives are and how every assignment, every deployment, could be their last. They could be gone for weeks at a time, months at a time, and they could go and not come back. They know that every time they leave for an assignment it could be their last, and now you’ll be stuck behind knowing they might not be coming back. 

You’ve heard about omegas that have lost their alphas, how damaging it can be. It’s not something you’re taught at the institute. That’s not something you’re supposed to think about, something you shouldn’t have to think about. 

“What’s eating you?” Price asks softly, his finger stroking the pinched skin between your brows. 

You shift against his side, leaning more on his chest as you look up at him. “What if you don’t come back?” 

His smile is a bit grim as he stares up at you, his fingers trailing across your face. “I won’t lie and say that’s not a risk. There’s always a chance.” His fingers trail down your arm to rest on your hand where it’s pressed flat against his chest. “We’re here for a reason. We are the best at what we do.” 

He pauses as your hand moves, your gaze lowering from his as you trace one of the scars on his clavicle. You can only imagine what caused it. A knife? Shrapnel? Where was he and what was he doing when he got it? You might never be able to know all the details. So many secrets, so much you can’t know. 

John wraps his arms around you, easing you off his chest as he rolls you onto your back. You stare up at him as he hovers over you, his hand brushing stray hairs from your face. “Don’t worry too much.” He says, his finger trailing the line of your nose. “We always try our best to make it home. Now we just have an even greater reason to.” 

Your hand cups his cheek as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You hum against his mouth, pressing your body closer against his. You can’t help but smile against his lips as his cock hardens against your thigh. 

“Again?” You murmur against his lips, making him chuckle.

“Can’t blame me when there’s a beautiful omega naked in my bed.” 

Your face burns as he leans back down to kiss you, his hips moving against your thigh. Warmth spreads through your whole body from his scent thickening in the air, his arousal prevalent as he twitches against your leg. 

“John.” You moan softly, hands grasping at his back. 

You both pause as a door shuts in the hallway, the reminder that the others are just a thin wall away coming back to you. The moment is over as your stomach growls, also reminding you that you’ll need to eat eventually. 

John chuckles quietly, leaning up to press a kiss against your forehead. “Come on, let’s get the day started and get some food into you.” 

You frown a bit as he pulls away, cock still hard and angry looking as he stands from the bed. “John?” You call out, scrambling off the bed after him. “You’re just gonna...” 

“Give it a minute and I’ll be fine.” He says, moving to his closet. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

Your frown only deepens and you step closer to him, catching him as he turns around. You stare up at him through your lashes, wrapping your hand around his cock. He pauses, letting out a little groan as you squeeze him gently. 

“Let me help you.” You say, dragging your hand along his length. 

His eyes darken as he stares down at you, the pants in his hand dropping to the floor. 

Your face is still a bit flushed as you make your way to the mess. You’re hand in hand with John, dressed comfortably in one of his shirts and a pair of leggings. You can’t help but feel a bit bashful, as if they’re all going to know what you did, as if every soldier in the mess knows you and Price slept together last night. 

They’ve probably been thinking that since you arrived. 

Price leads you through the line, making your tray for you. You nearly beam with pride at him taking care of you, your omega preening with happiness as he carries your tray and his to the table. You take the spot next to Gaz as usual, still practically beaming. 

“Have a good night, love?” Gaz asks, smirking a bit at your pleased state. 

“Yeah.” You say, your face getting warm again at their stares. 

“Practically glowing, kitten.” Johnny says, winking at you from across the table. 

Your face flushes hotter and you quickly bury yourself in your porridge to avoid exploding at the breakfast table. 

“Sounded like ye had a great time.” Johnny continues. 

Christ, they probably heard the whole thing. You halfway want to sink down beneath the table to hide from their knowing stares. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, not really. They’re your pack, and eventually you’ll be in the same position with them too. 

“Didnae know ye had it in ye, kitten.” Johnny continues. “We certainly enjoyed the show.”

You do start to sink down in your seat a bit, surprised steam isn’t rising off your skin from how warm you feel. Gaz’s hand on your leg stops you, his fingers squeezing your thigh gently. 

“Don’t pay too much attention to him, love.” Gaz gives you a reassuring smile. “He’s just jealous he didn’t get to go first.” 

“Am not.” Johnny whines, practically pouting. 

You can’t help but smile a bit at his antics. You know from how much he bragged about getting to be your first kiss that he probably was rather put out that John got to be your first. It would have been that way regardless, but you know you asking John before your heat changed things a bit. It would have always been John, though. 

It would have always been your alpha first. 

Gaz’s hand doesn't move from your thigh, holding its place there as you all eat, Johnny still pouting a bit. You know they’ll want to pursue that sort of relationship with you after your heat, but now that John’s removed the barrier of the first time as well, you can only expect them to up the teasing tenfold. A shiver runs up your spine at the thought of Gaz sliding his hand slightly higher, fingers slipping between your legs. 

You’re certain there has to be steam coming off of you now. 

Your thighs squeeze together, trapping Gaz's fingers between them as you continue to try and act normally. Gaz turns his head just slightly, side eyeing you as you continue to try and eat your breakfast as normally as possible. Gaz's grip on your thigh tightens, fingers digging into your skin. You fight the noise threatening to come up as he holds his hand there, continuing to eat his breakfast as if nothing is happening. 

You hold Gaz's hand as he walks you back towards the barracks, leaning against his side. His grip around your fingers is tight, not even the rain dampening the heaviness of his scent. It's deeper than usual, the musk of arousal tinging the edges. 

Your back meets your door as soon as you're back in the barracks, Gaz pinning you against the wood. Your own breathing is heavy as you stare up at him, his eyes dark as he meets your gaze. 

“Fuckin’ gorgeous, you know that?” He groans, leaning down to kiss you. It's far more passionate than you've ever kissed him before, his hands sliding down your sides to grip your waist. “Making all those sweet noises last night.” He breathes against your lips. “Haven't seen Price that relaxed in a long time.” 

Your face warms at his words, your hands clutching at the fabric of his shirt. He presses harder against you, pinning you against the door as his tongue prods at your lips. He tastes like the tea he drank with breakfast, herby and earthy. 

“Has us all worked up last night.” He groans against your lips. “Hearing you, knowing our alpha was treating you nice.”

He presses his forehead against yours, staring down at you. You meet his gaze, shivering under the intensity in his deep brown eyes. 

“Johnny bout cried he was so worked up.” Gaz's lips twitch in a smile. “Simon left for the gym bout halfway through, had to work out his tension.”

Your brows raise at the news about what Ghost had been up to last night. You figured he might join Johnny in his room, or perhaps head somewhere so he didn't have to hear you. Not that he would leave because he was being affected by you. 

“Johnny was being such a whiny little bastard. Had no choice but to take pity on him.” Gaz nips at your jawline playfully. “I fear he's going to be unbearable until he gets his chance.” 

“Well, he'll just have to wait his turn.” You say. 

Gaz laughs, kissing you again before he takes half a step back, leaning his arm on the door above you. “Any plans today?”

You shrug, still leaning against your door. “Might read, or nap. Maybe both.” You sink your teeth into your lip, reaching back to put your hand on the door handle. “You wanna come in?” 

Gaz's grin widens into a smile, his eyes practically sparkling. “Sure.”

You open the door, stepping into your room. It's a bit of a mess from you preparing for your date last night. You toss the clothes from your bed onto the floor haphazardly before pushing Gaz onto the mattress. He kicks off his shoes before making himself comfortable. You toe off your slippers, grabbing your book before joining him on the bed. He pulls you against his side, pulling his phone out of his pocket as you settle against his chest. A quiet content purr begins rumbling in his chest, easing the tension in your body as you relax against him. 

You stay like that, reading while cuddling Gaz, for quite a while. Your door is wide open still, the others coming and going as they do on the weekends. Gaz keeps your back to his chest, arm wrapped around his middle as he scrolls on his phone while you read. 

Slowly his head starts to droop until it's resting against the top of yours. You can feel the content sleepiness settling into your bones as well, the words on the pages starting to swim a bit. You mark your place, moving just enough to set your book on your nightstand before you curl up against him, letting his even breaths lull you to sleep. 

You jolt awake suddenly as Gaz's arms tighten around you, keeping you from flying off the bed. You blink open your bleary eyes, squinting at Johnny's grinning face inches from yours. His body is draped over both yours and Gaz's, a solid weight against you both. 

“C'mon ye lazies. Gotta eat lunch eventually.” He says, sounding far too chipper for a Sunday afternoon. 

“Fuck off mate.” Gaz says, shoving at Johnny's shoulder. “Was comfy.”

“Yer hogging the omega!” Johnny says, poking Gaz's side. He pushes himself up, scooping you into his arms and lifting you. “Some of us would like tae spend time with ‘er too.” 

You yelp at being lifted suddenly, wrapping your arms around Johnny's neck to hold on for dear life. 

“Well, maybe you just need to be a little bit faster.” Gaz says, standing from the bed. 

“I'm plenty fast.” Johnny almost whines. “Close to beating your time on the course.”

Gaz smirks. “I'll believe it when I see it.” 

You look back and forth between them as Gaz steps closer to Johnny, caging you between them. 

“And ye will see it.” Johnny says.

“Cheeky.” Gaz murmurs, closing the distance between them. 

You stare wide eyed as they kiss just inches in front of your face. It's all tongues and teeth, Soap's chest rumbling against your side as he purrs. A quiet whimper leaves your lips as you watch them, your body starting to get warm again. 

They break apart, both turning to look at you. Gaz's lips turn up in a smirk, Johnny's eyes sparkling. 

“Look at you, kitten.” Johnny smirks. “Ye like watching us?” 

You make another quiet noise, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip. Johnny slowly lowers you until you're standing between them, Gaz not moving an inch as they trap you in a beta sandwich. Their bodies are warm and solid as you stand there, back to Johnny's chest. You can feel the bulge in his jeans pushing against your ass, Gaz's body a solid weight against your front. 

You can imagine it, naked between them, skin against skin with hands everywhere. A quiet purr begins in your chest, eyes dilating as you stare up at Gaz. He smirks down at you, leaning down towards you. He skirts to the side at the last minute though, kissing Johnny behind you. 

You can't see them this time but lord can you hear it. Johnny is still purring, the sound vibrating against your back. Gaz let's out a quiet sound, his hand dropping to squeeze your waist. 

Johnny pats your side before pulling away. “Should get ye some lunch.”

Your head is still spinning as Gaz hums his approval, stepping away as well. You stand there blinking for a moment at the sudden loss of contact, the sudden shift in energy. 

“C'mon, get yer shoes on, sunshine.” Johnny says. 

You move half in a daze still towards your bed, your body tingling a bit still from the many thoughts that had been racing through your mind. 

Something in the back of your mind begins to itch as you stare down at your bed. Your brows pinch in a frown as you stare down at the mess of blankets and pillows. 

It's not right. 

Your fingertips twitch as you stare at the mess in your nest, your mind taking over as you begin to rearrange the blankets and pillows. You forget you're not alone in the room as you fuss with the blankets until the itching begins to lessen a bit. You fiddle with the pillows, moving them around over and over again until you're happy with how they're organized, the quiet humming in the back of your mind fading away to nothing. 

You sink down on the edge of the bed, letting out a long breath. You feel tired and almost winded after your effort to make sure your nest is just right. 

Nest. 

You're nesting. 

You blink up at Johnny and Gaz, suddenly aware of their presence in your space again. Johnny is staring at you wide eyed, mouth slightly parted in wonder. Gaz has a sparkle in his eye as he grins at you. 

You've just built a nest. 

“Feel better, love?” Gaz asks, still almost beaming from witnessing you make your nest. 

You nod, a sudden weight lifting from your shoulders. You've nested. You're nesting. Everything is going to be okay. 

“C'mon.” Johnny says, slipping your slippers back onto your feet. “Let's get lunch in ye.”

You let him help you up, holding both their hands as you make your way from the barracks, a small, relieved smile on your face.

You wake up nauseous. 

There’s a clawing feeling in your stomach and you’re not sure why. 

It’s early, too early to be up. The sky outside is still dark, and the barracks are quiet. You get up, heading for the bathroom, the gnawing feeling still plaguing your stomach. Cold water on your face doesn't help the light-headedness or the dizziness you’re beginning to feel. 

You can’t possibly be sick. You haven’t been around anyone that’s sick. You know heat sickness isn’t a threat right now. There’s no warnings out about possible exposures. It couldn’t be food poisoning. You eat the same things they do. 

The gnawing intensifies, your stomach rumbling a bit. 

Realization dawns on you suddenly. 

You’re hungry. 

You’re very hungry. 

You check the time on your phone. Three a.m. Still too early for any of the boys to be up, and still a couple hours from when the mess would start serving breakfast. You head for the rec room, hoping there’s at least something in there to tide you over until breakfast. 

You dig through the cabinets, plenty of tea and a couple packets of instant coffee you know belong to Johnny. You dig out a couple protein bars, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge before taking a seat on the couch. 

The protein bars aren’t great. They don’t taste good, but you’re so hungry you don’t care. You down them quickly and the entire bottle of water. For a moment you feel relief, the gnawing in your stomach easing. You head back to bed, slipping back into your room quietly. 

You toss and turn, unable to go back to sleep as the gnawing begins in your stomach once more. You let out a quiet sound, muffled by your pillow as you lay there, knowing you still have a long time until they’ll come and get you for breakfast. 

The thought makes you almost want to cry. 

You’re waiting as soon as they knock, narrowly avoiding Johnny’s hand as you open the door mid-knock. The bright look in his eyes fades as he stares at you. You know you look miserable, maybe a little sick, even. You feel worse, your stomach twisting and gnawing. Those protein bars four hours ago hadn’t been nearly enough. 

“Ye alright, kitten?” He asks, a frown marring his face. 

“Hungry.” You all but whine, slipping out the door, closing it behind you. 

“Ye hungry, kitten? Ye could have said somethin’ sooner. Coulda brought ye somethin’.” Johnny says, following you down the hall. 

You’re determined to get real food and you’re not about to let anything get in your way. You feel ravenous, despite the fact you’d had a good dinner the night before. 

Maybe it hadn’t been enough. 

You make your own tray this time, loading on more than you usually do. You take your normal spot between Price and Gaz, all four of them eyeing your tray as you happily dig in. 

“Hungry, love?” Price asks, watching you spoon huge mouthfuls of porridge into your mouth. 

You nod, chewing quickly before spooning more in. It tastes delicious, something you never thought you would say about British food. 

They all watch in awe as you clear your tray, eating every last crumb, having to refrain from licking it clean. Finally, for the first time since you went to bed last night, you feel full and satisfied. 

“Damn. Putting us to shame.” Gaz says, staring at your empty, nearly clean tray. 

You grow bashful under their stares, realizing you not only out ate them, you also finished first. “I was hungry.” You say, fiddling with your fork. 

“No kidding.” Ghost huffs out, all of them finishing up their trays. 

You’re in a far better mood leaving the mess than you were entering it, the sweet relief of being full after hours of gnawing hunger making you feel almost giddy. Ghost walks you back to the barracks, walking slow enough you can easily keep up with him. So slow, your arm brushes his as you walk next to him. 

“Sorry.” You say, moving a step away from him. You’re so used to standing directly next to the others, you’ve forgotten Ghost prefers his personal space. 

He stares down at you for a moment but doesn’t say anything, holding the door to the barracks open for you. He stands just inside the door, watching you make your way down the hallway to your room. He waits for the click of the lock before he turns, leaving you alone in the barracks again. 

You settle into your usual routine of laying in your nest and reading, the giddiness starting to wear off as the time passes. You make it until ten a.m. when the gnawing hunger begins to return. You let out an annoyed whine, dropping your book to the floor as you roll onto your stomach. 

You want to cry and scream at the same time, watching the clock tick by on your phone. You’re tired of being so hungry, and what’s worse, you don’t even know why. You’re just ravenous and you can’t think of a reason. 

Lunch can’t come soon enough, and you find yourself struggling through the afternoon just as much. It’s almost like your body is on a timer and every two hours you’re suddenly starving, as if you haven’t eaten all day. You eat just as much as you did at breakfast, scarfing down food like you’re a starving animal. 

You certainly feel like one. 

You head to the rec room after dinner, Ghost and Johnny joining you. Johnny takes the seat next to you on the couch, draping his arm behind you as Ghost takes his usual spot in the chair. 

You curl up against Johnny’s side, watching whatever he decides to put on TV half-heartedly. You’re waiting for the inevitable, the gnawing hunger to creep up on you again. 

It does, roughly two hours into your time in the rec room. 

You shift against Johnny, pressing against his side more as you try to ignore the hunger burning through you. His arm wraps around your shoulders, holding you against him. You breathe in his scent, letting the citrusy scent of him wash over you. 

It only serves to make you more hungry. 

You let out a quiet whine, trying to get closer to him. Tears prick at your eyes as you know there’s no relief coming. There’s no more meals until tomorrow. You’ll have to go all night before you can eat again, before you can relieve the hunger. You’re not sure you’ll make it that long. You might perish in the middle of the night, or become violently ill. Perhaps both. 

You let out another quiet whine, standing from the couch. You can’t take it anymore, both Johnny and Ghost watching you as you head for the cabinets, kneeling on the floor and rummaging through everything, desperate to find another protein bar or anything. 

“What are you doing?” Ghost asks, staring at you as you’re halfway in the cabinet, checking every last corner. 

“Hungry!” You snap, half considering eating one of the tea bags just for something. 

You’ve just closed the cabinet door in irritation when an arm wraps around your waist, lifting you from the floor. You let out a yelp, Ghost carrying you easily back to the couch. 

“Stay.” He says after dropping you back next to Johnny. “I’ll be back.” 

Johnny wraps his arms around you as you pout, nearly in tears from how frustrated you are. You’re just so hungry. 

“Easy, kitten.” Johnny says, pulling you back against his chest. 

You nuzzle into him, curling up into a ball against his side. He starts purring quietly, trying to soothe you while you wait for Ghost to return. You can’t pay attention to the TV, Johnny trying to change the channel every time a food related commercial comes on. 

You’re nearly shaking when Ghost returns, arms full of snacks. Your eyes widen as he dumps them on the coffee table, pushing yourself up from Johnny’s chest. 

“Where did you get these?” You ask, dropping to your knees on the floor in front of the coffee table. 

“Vending machine in the mess.” Ghost answers, sitting back down in his chair. 

You stare at him teary eyed, sniffling a little. “Thank you.” 

He grunts in response, turning his gaze back to the TV as you reach for a bag of chips.

You can barely even taste it as you kneel there on the floor, basking in the first taste of sweet relief from a bag of salt and vinegar chips. You grab them by the handful, burning through the small, snack sized bag quickly. 

You’ve barely finished chewing when you’re reaching for a candybar, a sudden realization striking you as your brain begins to regain the ability to think now that it knows relief is coming. You stare at the purple Cadbury on the front of the packaging, your fingers trembling as you hold the candybar. 

You take a deep breath, quickly opening the wrapper before taking a bit, sitting back on your heels as you chew. “Well, shit.” 

“I know, I hate the exam rooms too.” Dr. Keller says, flipping through her clipboard. “Too clinical and sterile looking.” She lifts your hand, removing the pulse monitor from your finger. “A little higher than normal.” She says, writing something down on the clipboard. 

She takes your blood pressure and temperature, writing both down on the clipboard. 

“Temperature is still normal.” She says. “How have you been feeling?” 

“Hungry.” You say, picking at the thin fabric of the hospital gown you’ve been forced into. “Ravenously hungry and clingy.” You continue. “A bit more emotional than normal too.” 

Dr. Keller nods, writing all of it down. “Normal things for your pre-heat, according to your file. Anything out of the ordinary? Aches and pains? Any nausea or vomiting, not related to hunger?” 

You shake your head. “No. Kinda sleepy all the time too, but the hunger makes it hard to sleep.” 

Dr. Keller nods. “That’s normal. Your body is preparing for a few days of very little caloric intake and little rest. I’d say you’re exhibiting all the signs of pre-heat. You’re right on time, as expected.” She gives you a little smile. “Judging by your vitals you still have a few days before the full heat symptoms begin. Any questions?” 

“What do institutes do for heats?” John asks where he’s sitting to the side of the exam table. 

“It depends on the institute.” Dr. Keller says, looking at you. 

“FIOT rotated between sedation and isolation.” You say, not really wanting to think back on the heats you had gone through at the institute. “Sedation for the full heat, or shutting us in private rooms for a week to ride out the symptoms alone to avoid triggering heats in the other omegas.” 

“Neither are great, but in that sort of environment there’s not a lot that can be done. Sedation is the better of the two, though it can still be disorienting. Isolation is painful and risky, especially if proper care isn’t given.” Dr. Keller says. 

“Is sedation an option for the future?” Price asks. 

You turn to look at him, before looking back at Dr. Keller. 

“It’s something we can explore. I know it can’t be expected of you to be here for every heat. We can start exploring some alternatives after this heat is over and I have a better idea of what they’re going to look like.” Dr. Keller gives you a soft smile. “Now, I’d like to do a little exam just to give me a baseline for after your heat when I check for any abnormalities or injuries.” 

She directs you to lay down on the exam table and put your feet in the stirrups. You suddenly feel nervous, her words doing little to calm you. John appears in your peripheral, slipping his hand into yours. 

“Is that a risk?” You ask as Dr. Keller pulls a clean pair of gloves on. 

“Only a small one.” She says, standing at the end of the table. “I know you’ve probably heard all the horror stories, but those are only really concerns with inexperienced alphas who have never helped an omega through a heat before, especially those who had limited exposure to omegas in general.” She smiles at you. “You’re in good hands, my dear.” 

She does her exam, letting you sit up once she’s finished. John helps you up, still holding your hand. Dr. Keller’s words do ease your concerns just a bit, but you can’t help the images flashing through your mind, the horror stories of mutilations and even deaths. You trust Price to take care of you, but at the same time, you won’t know until it’s over. 

“Everything looks good.” She says. “The best thing you can do right now is try to satiate the pre-heat symptoms and take this time to make sure everything is ready and in place for when the full heat begins. Don’t worry too much.” She looks pointedly at you. “I’ll be on call and ready should something happen.” Her gaze turns to John. “Your beta knows what to look out for, right?” 

John nods. “Kyle has been doing a lot of research. He knows what to do.” 

“Good.” Dr. Keller says, looking back at you. “Why don’t you get dressed, then we can go back to my office where it’s more comfortable and talk some more.” 

Dr. Keller leaves you alone in the room, Price helping you change back into your normal clothes, leaving the room with you. You turn to look up at him, Dr. Keller waiting for you near her office door. 

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Price says, leaning down towards you. 

“Yeah.” You say, standing up on your toes to kiss him. 

You try to ignore the look on Dr. Keller’s face as you walk past her and into her office, your face warming a bit in response. You take your normal seat, trying to get comfortable despite your bashfulness. 

“You and Captain Price seem a lot closer.” Dr. Keller says as she sits across from you on the couch. 

You nod. “Yeah. We, uh, we have gotten closer.” You chew on your lip. “We slept together...on Saturday night. Had a date, he cooked dinner. Then we...did it.” 

Dr. Keller’s brows raise at your words, her face surprised. “Oh? Is that so? Is that something you wanted?” 

You nod. “I asked him if he’d do it. I wanted my first time to be when I could remember it...before I would feel like it was something that had to be done.” 

Dr. Keller hums, writing something down. “Did you have fun?” 

Your face warms at her words, and you halfway wish the chair would swallow you whole. You nod, hiding your fingers beneath your sleeves again. “Yeah. I uh, started nesting too.” 

Dr. Keller’s face breaks out into a huge smile. “That’s great! That’s fantastic news! Perfect timing too.” 

You nod. “Yeah. Started on Sunday. Been feeling it since.” 

“Good. That gives us one less thing to worry about.” She sets her notebook aside, crossing her legs as she stares at you. “How do you feel about your heat coming so soon?” 

“Nervous.” You answer honestly. 

“It can be a bit daunting, I’d imagine, your first heat with an alpha. Captain Price knows what he’s doing, though. He and Sergeant Garrick will take good care of you.” 

“I know.” You say, fiddling with your sleeves. “It’s still scary. A lot of things can happen and...what if one of them does?” 

“It’s not very likely.” Dr. Keller reassures you. “Captain Price knows what he’s doing. He’s experienced with omegas and heats and the likelihood of him losing control is small, even after so long without any contact with an omega. It sounds like Sergeant Garrick has educated himself on things to look for, and what to do to help. I’ll be ready and on call the entire time as well. I’ll make regular check-ins with Sergeant Garrick too, to make sure everything is going smoothly. You’re not alone in this. We’ll all make sure you’re well taken care of. I know it’s a lot to ask you to trust people that are still somewhat strangers, but we all have your best interests in mind here.” 

“I know.” You say quietly. “It’s hard, not knowing much of anything. They tell you everything you should expect at the institute over and over again, then you get in it and everything is different. Nothing is like it should be. Nothing like they said. I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“I know. You were prepared for one life and got an entirely different one. Lucky for you, though, you’re surrounded by very understanding people who are more than happy to help you. I know this is so far from ideal for you, but I think you’re doing a fantastic job with what you were handed.” 

You stare at your hands, thinking over her words. John’s called you a good omega before. He’s called you that a few times. He thinks you’re doing a good job, despite the fact you feel like none of your skills are useful here. Despite the fact you feel like you haven’t been trying. 

You think over everything they’ve done for you, how hard they’ve tried to help make you as comfortable as possible. She’s right. They’re all so understanding and you know they like you. You can see it in their reactions to you, you can smell it on them. You know Gaz won’t let anything happen to you, even if something goes wrong. 

They have yet to prove themselves untrustworthy, for the most part. 

Maybe you really don’t have anything to worry about. 

“Come on.” Ghost says, standing in your doorway. You almost don't recognize him in a beanie and surgical mask instead of his usual balaclava. “Get shoes on, and let’s go.” 

“Go where?” You ask, sitting up on your bed. 

“Shopping.” He says, before turning on his heel. 

You frown, but do as he says, slipping on comfortable shoes and grabbing your phone. You head down the hall towards the door, a familiar car parked outside. Price and Ghost are waiting next to the car, both dressed in civilian clothes. You approach them hesitantly, suddenly feeling intimidated in the presence of the two alphas. You know you have nothing to worry about, but this is the first time you'll be alone with both of them. 

Ghost steps up to you, a bottle in his hand. You barely have time to hold your breath before he sprays you down with scent blocker, the harsh chemicals burning your nose as they settle on your skin and cut off your scent. It's necessary, even with two alphas around you. 

“Ready?” John asks, letting his eyes scan over your form for a second. He could probably pick up on your tension and uneasy energy from a mile away. 

“Can...Can I ask why?” You ask as John opens the back door for you. 

“Well, we can't have you starving to death on us, can we?” John smiles. “And we need to get a few things for your heat.”

“Oh.” You say, blinking up at him. 

“Hop in. Hopefully we can get the shopping done before dinner.” John says. 

Before you get hungry again. 

You climb in the backseat, John closing the door before getting in the driver's side. Ghost is already in the passenger seat, buckled in and ready. 

You sit and watch the landscape pass by, the car quiet except for the radio. The contrast between the two betas and the two alphas is almost as distinct as night and day. Johnny and Gaz had talked almost nonstop the entire drive to and back from town. Ghost and Price seem content in their silence, Ghost watching the landscape pass just like you. 

It speaks volumes of their trust and ease with each other. 

The farmlands turn to city and you find yourself back at Asda again. You hold John's hand as you walk, Ghost taking your other side, sandwiching you between them. People stare as you pass, their eyes on Ghost, but he doesn't even seem to notice. 

You stick close to John as you walk through the store, picking up items you'll need for your heat, as well as some other things. Ghost follows like a shadow, people giving you a wide berth when they spot him. You're almost grateful for it. You swear some of them can tell you're about to start your heat, their eyes burning into you as they pass. 

You can feel the beginnings of hunger starting to creep in as you walk down the bed liner aisle. You know if you weren't starting to get hungry, you would have been close to combusting from the knowledge of why this aisle was necessary. 

You let out a sigh, leaning your head against John's arm as he crosses the bed liner off the list. 

“What?” He asks, amusement in his voice. 

“You know what I miss?” You say, wrapping your arms around one of his. “Good authentic Mexican food.” 

The corner of John's lips lift in a smile. “Yeah? You getting hungry again?” 

You nod, a subtle whine to your tone. “Yeah.”

John turns to look at Ghost, the two alphas having a seconds long silent conversation before Ghost heads off, disappearing from the aisle. 

“Where's he going?” You ask. 

“Getting a head start on the other supplies for your heat.” John says. “Just a couple more things, then your snacks and we'll be done and we'll get some dinner.” 

You stop as you turn the corner around the end of the aisle, your eyes spotting a giant teddy bear. It looks soft and squishy, your pre-heat addled brain already picturing the perfect spot for it in your nest. 

“You want it?” John asks, looking between you and the bear. 

You snap back into reality for a moment, glancing up at the price. You nearly die on the spot, shaking your head. “I-I don't...”

John turns you to face him, speaking firmly. “Do you want it?”

You stare up into his eyes, nodding slowly. 

His gaze softens just a bit, a smile tugging at his lips. “Then grab it.” 

You're moving before you can even have a second thought, wrapping your arms around it and lifting it off the shelf. It's just as soft as you thought it would be, nearly as big as you are too. You can imagine cuddling it in your nest, napping contently, surrounded in soft plushness. 

“C'mon pup.” John says, patting your back gently. You're purring, you realize suddenly, the sound leaving you entirely unconsciously. “Let's get you some snacks then we'll get dinner.”

You carry the bear, following John to the grocery section of the store. He takes you to the snack aisle and you pass the bear off to him, grabbing anything and everything that looks good, loading up the cart. You grab a few things from the American section as well, snacks you didn't think you'd miss, but right now they sound like manna straight from heaven. 

“Simon's done with his part.” John says, glancing at his phone. “We'll meet back at the car.” 

You take the bear back once you're done filling the cart with snacks, heading towards the checkout. You're hesitant to let the bear go long enough to be scanned before you're holding it again, purring quietly and contently. 

John keeps his arm around you as you walk through the parking lot towards the car. There's already bags in the trunk from Ghost, the alpha already in the passenger seat. They must have both been carrying keys to the car. Safety precautions. Things most people wouldn't even think about. 

“Thank you.” You say as John fills the trunk with the rest of the bags. “You didn't have to do this.”

“Yes we did.” John says, looking down at you. “Not going let you starve like that if we can help it.”

“It's still strange to me, getting taken care of.” You say, squeezing the bear. “Still makes me feel a bit like a sugar baby.”

John chuckles. “Don't worry, I won't make you call me daddy.” He leans in close to your ear. “Unless you want to.” 

Your face burns hot, your entire body igniting with heat at his words. He gives you a gentle pat on the ass, directing you to the door of the car before taking the cart back to the store. 

Your face is still burning as you attempt to climb into the car with your bear, giving up and stuffing it in first. 

“What the hell is that?” Ghosts asks, turning to look at you.

“My new bear.” You respond, arranging the bear so its sitting in the seat beside you. 

“Christ.” He breathes, and you can practically hear the eye roll as you buckle the bear in. 

You buckle yourself in as John climbs in the driver's seat.

“All set?” He asks, turning to look at you. 

You nod, smiling happily despite the hunger eating away at you. 

“Let's get some dinner, then we'll head back to base.” John says, turning on the car. “Can't have our omega starving on us, can we?” 

Ghost snorts. “Best feed her before she decides we look appetizing.” 

You wrinkle your nose. “You'd be too gamey, Ghost.” You say, eyeing him before turning your gaze to the seat in front of you. “John, though...” You lick your lips. “I already know you taste good.”

John lets out a deep chuckle that rumbles with the edge of a pleased growl. “Easy, kitten.”

Ghost lets out a heavy sigh, running a hand over his face. “Spare me. Now there's two of ‘em.” 

John chuckles again, squeezing Ghost's shoulder. “Little did you know, Simon.” 

Ghost turns to look at John. “Is it too late to get a refund?” 

You stifle a giggle as John smiles. “You'll have to ask Laswell.”  

Ghost sighs, turning to look out the window. “No hope for it, then.” 

“Hey, at least I'm cute!” You grin. “Don't tell Johnny I said that.” 

You practically beam with pride as you see Ghost's shoulders shake with his laughter. Maybe you can get through to him more than you think you can. 

Maybe, just maybe, you can get him to like you. 

The knock comes at your door unexpectedly. It's late, and you had just begun to feel the pangs of hunger once more. You hate it, but you know it's necessary considering you'll have to go roughly a week getting in nothing but what nutrient bars can offer while exerting insane amounts of energy. Your body needs to store the calories now so that you don't die during your heat. 

You're surprised to see Ghost on the other side of the door, back in his balaclava. His shoulders are squared, but you can't scent any anger or hostility on him. 

He almost seems...nervous. 

“Hungry?” He asks, staring down at you. 

“Always.” You answer almost instinctively, staring up into his deep brown eyes. 

He motions for you to follow with his head. “C'mon.” 

You frown a little, but you step out of your room, closing the door behind you. You follow him towards the rec room, staring at his broad back. His shoulders are still squared, hands in his pockets. 

The rec room is set up again not unlike it was for your date with John. The card table is out and there's foil covered dishes on it, along with a couple plates. Your brows raise in surprise as you take it all in. 

“I made you something.” Ghost says, moving over to the table, removing the foil from one of the dishes. 

You move closer, blinking in surprise. “You made...enchiladas?” 

He nods. “As close as I could get with what I could find on short notice. There's rice and beans, too. And salsa.” 

Tears blur your vision as you stare down at the food on the table. It smells delicious and that's not just your ravenous pre-heat hunger talking. “You...did this for me?”

“Well, I had help,” He says, looking past you. 

You turn, Soap and Gaz standing at the windows that frame the door to the rec room. They smile and wave at you as you turn to look at them. A quiet laugh leaves your mouth as you smile at them. 

“Help yourself.” Ghost says as you turn back to the table. “There's plenty.”

You serve yourself a plate, nearly melting off the chair as you take the first bite. It takes you all the way back home, the good years when your father was stationed in Texas. 

“Taste okay?” Ghost asks, watching you. “I know it's not authentic, but I did a lot of research.”

“It's amazing, Ghost. Really.” You say. “Tastes just like the ones my mom would make.” You wipe at the tears in your eyes. “Thank you for doing this.”

He shrugs, looking almost bashful. “It's the least I could do. I know how big of a deal heats are to omegas and how nervous you've been. Thought you could use a little comfort.” 

You smile softly. “That means a lot.” You can't help but giggle softly. “I knew you liked me deep down.”

He gives you a look, making you giggle even more. “Don't push it.” 

NEXT ->

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[pearl-nouveau]

A Woman's Purpose - Cregan Stark x Reader [chapter one]

summary: Your mother, Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, has always prepared you to marry and you have always resisted, terrified that you will only ever be seen as a wife. But your heart is torn when love catches you by surprise.

contains: mentions of self-harm, aged-up characters (Jace is ~19 idk)

a/n: wow i have not posted on this blog in YEARS but i lurk in tumblr reader insert oneshots like it's my part-time job, and i wrote this on AO3 so i decided to post here and hopefully get some love. i really love posting my writing even if it is not perfect, it's just a passion. let me know if i should post the second chapter and my asks are always open! xx - pearl🦪

Beauty is power, my mother used to tell me, stroking my silver hair as if it were made of golden thread. She loved my hair. Use your beauty to set yourself free. I had no idea if she meant for her words to bring some kind of comfort to me - they did not. 

Sometimes, I hated her for bringing me into the world altogether. While Jace and Luke envied my resemblance to our mother, I detested sharing her light hair and lilac eyes. It seemed to me a symbol of my imprisonment - it became clear to me, hearing all this talk of my beauty and nothing else, that I was never to be loved or seen for anything else.

In my youth, the abstract concept of my fertility and status made me a formidable form of currency within the royal family. Jacaerys, older by one year, made his way as heir by training in combat and dragonriding and studying the history of Westeros and Old Valeria - I, however, was confined to studying the family trees of the realm's powerful houses, to perform the perfect Velaryon princess and eventually be bred like a cow.

I hated my life. 

Many attempts were made to rebel against my predetermined future. At ten and two I sliced all the hair from my head, leaving a shaggy, uneven mess of shimmering half-bald patches that took years to grow back. I had never seen my mother so angry until at ten and four I began slicing patterns into my arms and legs to scar the perfect pale skin everyone complimented me on. Soon she required a chaperone with me at all times, which only made me more furious, and I began picking fights with my cuntish uncles and coming back from dragon rides inexplicably soaking or covered in soot. I waited for my mother to attempt to put together the puzzle I had laid out in front of her; to figure me out and decide that her daughter - the strong-willed, intelligent, adventurous one - matters more than the empty shell of a married woman that I will surely become. 

At the very least, my mother allowed me the power to turn away whomever I wished. It seemed she hoped I would find someone who struck my fancy. But as time passed and my antics worsened, her grip on me tightened, and I began to fear the wost: an impending betrothal. 

She frequently asked me to rack my brain and think of any previous men she had introduced me to who I may want to explore further. But I was stubborn. I maintained that no one had caught my eye, and I insisted that I would never marry. Whenever I said such things, my mother would frown at me in a way that hurt my heart. She was my greatest antagonist, but I loved her, and I knew that it saddened her to put me through such pain. 

Even if there was one man who never left an impression on me, whose memory kept me awake in the darkness of night, I would never tell my mother. It was too humiliating after so many years of fighting marriage to be seduced by love.

Every so often I allowed myself to think about him before I went to sleep, to be swept up in the beautiful dream of someone's arms around me. I could imagine him saying to me, I choose you. That was what I always dreamt of hearing. I choose you, as you are. Just you. 

Jacaerys tried to sympathize with me but he would never truly understand. He did allow me to partake in his own pastimes to grant me a change of scenery from the walls of King's Landing. 

"It infuriates me that she herself is allowed to break barriers as heir to the Iron Throne and I must remain shackled to tradition," I complained to Jace as we sparred in a remote corner of the keep. "She gets to be immortalized as the first of her name while subjecting me to a loveless marriage."

"She was in an arranged marriage with our father." Jace pointed out, sending a particularly hard offensive move my way. I easily thwarted it. 

"Well..." I trailed off. There was nothing to say, not in words, about our parents, or our parentage. It was an unspoken issue, even between Jacaerys and I who were nearly as close as twins. We supposed it would always be shrouded in mystery. We were prepared to always wonder. It seemed unthinkable to ask our mother any questions, nor our father, nor... 

Strong boys, they said. 

Perhaps Jace and I wouldn't speak of it because our difference in hair color had always been a sore subject. I was broken out of my thoughts by another offensive move, this one catching me by surprise. I stumbled back but recovered, moving around the side of my brother as he laughed at me in the way only an older brother would. 

"I'll get you back for that," I snapped at him, but grinned. He smiled back, shrugging cockily. Bring it on, his eyes told me. 

We sparred a bit more until our breaths were heavy in our throats and our swings became more jests than challenges. Eventually, he tossed his sword on the ground and fell upon a sack of grain. I sat next to him and for a moment we were not prince nor princess. We were just two siblings. I sighed, knowing it wouldn't last for long. 

Jace seemed to decide to bank on the moment as well because he looked to me and spoke. "Was there really never anyone who caught your eye? Not in all those years of meeting suitors?" He thought for a moment. "There were some good ones."

"Some good ones?" I scoffed. "Who, pray tell?" 

After a few moments of consideration, he began to chuckle and I rolled my eyes. The chuckle became a cackle and at this joke, I did not laugh along. We both knew that most of the options I had been presented with were vapid, shortsighted, insecure children, as were most men.

I was about to hit him to shut him up when he stopped suddenly and his face brightened with realization. 

"I know a good one," Jace said, "Cregan Stark."

A flush crossed my face at the name.

Usually, I only allowed that name to cross my mind in the darkness of night, but Jace had disrupted that routine. "What about him?" I tried to ask innocently. This time my brother was the one to roll his eyes at me. 

"Don't play the fool, sister," he teased, "when he came to visit those years ago everyone could see that you both took a liking to each other. Even you couldn't fight him." He nudged me playfully with his elbow. "He fights like a Northerner, and he wanted to fight for you."

"Oh, hush."

"Why did you ever turn him away anyways?"

His question silenced me. It was a painful memory. Cregan had come to treat with my grandsire and pledge his support as Warden of the North, and in those two moons he stayed at King's Landing we came to know each other well. Perhaps the reason why I had opened myself to getting to know him was because he had not come for the intention of courting me. In fact, I found him wonderfully ignorant about the social politics of the royal family, and he did not know of my existence upon his arrival. 

The day we met, I was in the Godswood with a book and a porcelain cup of candied almonds. A midnight blue veil covered my thigh-length silver hair. I hated my hair, and I hated that my mother would not let me cut it. I refused to have it braided and let it fall unbrushed and wild down my back.

He had come into the courtyard without noticing me tangled in the roots of the tree. He came closer to examine the trunk thoughtfully, allowing me a glimpse of his face through the branches. I had heard of his arrival and listened from behind closed doors at their meeting, intrigued by his deep voice and foreign accent. I listened intently as he spoke a prayer in a hushed tone. All of a sudden, his gaze shifted to meet mine between the leaves as if he had known I was there the whole time. 

"Apologies, my lady," he bowed his head slightly. "I did not know the Godswood was occupied."

"There is room enough for two," I said shyly. I was not accustomed to being pleasant towards men. I was known for being a beautiful devil, a menace with a sour tongue. It made me self-conscious to think that I was changing my behavior for a man. But I was merely matching his politeness; and he had no reason to falsify his kindness, since he had no idea who I was. 

Luckily for me, I had no reason to overthink my words because he went silent for a long while, lost in a wordless prayer. After a quarter of an hour had passed, he came closer to me, and gestured to the root beside me. 

"Do you mind if I sit?" He had asked.

I shook my head and he moved his thick cloak to drop down beside me. 

"Pardon my intrusion, my lady, I find myself feeling lonely when I come to the South. The Godswood calms me."

"I understand, Lord Stark."

His eyebrow quirked. "You know who I am?"

"I'm afraid I do." I smiled. I loved having the upper hand. I decided I wouldn't tell him who I was. 

"What is your role here in the castle, my lady?" 

"To please lords like you." I jested. Cregan leaned back slightly, taken aback. I quickly realized the suggestive wording of my joke. "Not like that," I quickly corrected, "I was just... I mean-"

"I know who you are, princess." He chuckled at me. I was glad to be rescued from the embarrassment of my failed joke. I gazed at him questioningly. He leaned forward and gently removed the veil from my head. "Unfortunately your appearance does not allow you anonymity." 

I blushed. "What have you heard about me?" 

"Nothing, I admit, until your grandsire told me about you today. He told me of your age, not many years my junior, and I supposed-"

"- That I might make a fine breeder for you?" I snapped. There went the illusion of politeness. This was where they usually ran, when I became a beast instead of a beauty. A piece of work not worth the effort. 

Instead, Cregan merely chuckled. "Actually, I sought a companion. A friend. Being here is lonely for me, and I thought you might show me what life in King's Landing is like. If I am to swear fealty to your family, I seek to know your customs. Your mother has told me that you are the most well-acquainted with the keep of her children." 

You smiled. Had your mother truly said that? It was true, since you spent so much time darting around the palace avoiding her orders. 

"Would you mind giving me a tour?" He asked. His tone was so gentle, so uncomplicated. It was like no man had ever spoken to me before. With respect, as if he were speaking to a friend. It was refreshing.

For the next few weeks, Cregan and I formed a friendship based on mutual respect. He informed me of Northern politics and asked for my opinions on complicated political matters through a Southern perspective. I introduced him to my dragon, Vermithor. Afternoons were spent in the Godswood picnicking for the purpose of introducing him to local cuisine, and evenings were spent in the library discussing literature. The relationship felt as easy as breathing to me, and I could tell he felt the same. After close to two moons, it had begun to frighten me how much I longed for his presence when we separated at the end of the day. 

There had always been a tangible tension between us that toed the line between friendship and romance. Lingering gazes, intentional touches, and meaningful words kept me up at night. He opened up to me about the unique grief of losing his wife in childbirth and having to leave his infant son at home so soon afterward. I showed him the scars littered across my body, and explained to him how I hated my beauty.

He had taken my head in his hands and looked through my soul with those gray eyes. 

"Your beauty... It is just a fraction of you. What is truly incredible is your kind heart, your wit, your intelligence, your soul..."

I had been unable in that moment to keep myself from kissing him, so I let my mind empty and I surged forward to connect our lips. He responded with fervor, bringing me close, the pads of his thumbs barely grazing the peach fuzz on my cheek. I could not even bring myself to feel ashamed about grabbing his tunic underneath his cloak, my fingers unknowing but desperate. He had taken my hands and pulled back, only to kiss my nose, then brow, then the corners of each eyes, and then my knuckles. 

Suddenly I came too. I saw in front of me the path that had been laid for me - a wife, be it to a good man or a bad one. I was still determined not to let that happen. 

As I often did, I had fled. I had avoided him until he went back to Winterfell. Two moons later, a raven came from him. I didn't dare open it, too afraid to face my actions. Even if I felt that I knew what the contents were, Cregan was not like other men I knew - thus I had always wondered what the letter said. I wondered if it was true that he truly cared for me and saw who I was inside. The thought made me realize that even I myself did not know what path may be laid in front of me. My feelings confused me, and I decided to shut the Lord of Winterfell out of my mind forever.

Except on some dark nights. 

And except for now, when Jacaerys prods my arm and awaits the answer to his question. I realized I must have been silent for a long time as his voice began to register in my head. 

"Lost in thought?" 

"Ha-ha," I shoved him back. "Sort of." 

Jace's face became serious. "I was only jesting, but perhaps I shouldn't have brought it up. I know you truly did care for him."

"How could you tell?" I asked, genuine curiosity lacing my tone. It was past the point where it was worth feeling awkward about the truth of my feelings. I was only human, after all. 

"He was kind to everybody, but especially to you." Jace pursed his lips in thought. "Although at the same time, he does not treat you like you're soft. It was like he loved hearing you speak. Like your word was God."

I smiled. 

Jace nudged me. "And... he looked at you like you hung the damn sun in the sky."

My heart skipped a beat hearing that. I knew it was true, but I was used to people looking at me in awe. As if I were a ball of light floating in front of them, ethereal, untouchable. Cregan was not afraid to see through me, to touch me. He made me feel held.

Emotion overcame me in that moment. I quickly scrambled up from the bag of grain Jace and I were lounging on, grasping my sword and tossing my hair over my shoulder. 

"Well, it's too late now," I quickly said, "He's in Winterfell and it does not matter if he cares for me or not, I do not want the life of a housewife."

Jace stood. "Who says that getting married means you'll become a housewife? You'll be a lady, you could do whatever you please." 

"It isn't just the marriage, it's the principle of it!" I cried, moving away from him towards the main training yard. "As soon as I take those vows, it means my purpose is only to bear children." As we entered the larger courtyard and grew closer to other people, he grasped my arm and spoke to me in a lowered voice. 

"I know you think I do not understand, but I am soon to be betrothed as well, likely to someone I will never love."

"Well, at the end of the line, you have a throne." I spit at him, spinning on my heel and leaving him staring helplessly after me. 

[novemberheart]

{overview} Its agreed. The 141 needs an omega. But how will you react after already being rejected by them?

{warnings} Fem reader, a/b/o dynamics, light pricexsoap

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

“Visitor!” Ms. Helen knocked on your door, causing it to open.

“What did you do now?” Miriam smirked from her bed next to you.

“Nothing.” You replied, baring your teeth playfully. She laughed, throwing a pillow at you on your way out. “Do I get to know?” you hummed, trying to keep up with Ms. Helen.

“No,” she responded harshly. She was all bark no bite. You rolled your eyes, running your fingers across the wall as you followed her to the visitation room. It was cozy, and designed to make omegas comfortable. Soft lighting, lots of windows and things to hide behind. When the door opened you caught sight of a familiar blonde.

“Kate.” You cheered, as Ms. Helen shut the door to give you two privacy.

“Hey, Honey.” she greeted warmly, giving you a tight squeeze.

“How's Robin?” You asked, plopping down with her on the couch.

“She's good, busy with the dogs and garden. She says ‘hi’.” Kate smiled, taking a quiet deep breath of your scent. Peaches and Vanilla. It wasn't nearly as fulfilling as her wife's scent, but it was enough to take her slight edge off.

“Please tell me you're breaking me out of here for lunch.” You pleaded to the alpha next to you.

“We can do that after.” She smiled at you. “There is something we need to discuss first.” The smell of nervous alpha drifted towards your nose, giving you goosebumps.

“Alright.” You said slowly. You projected your scent, trying to cover hers. It seemed to work.

“I have a placement for you.” She finally admitted. The first reaction you had was to wince, your head beginning to feel light as your lungs dropped to your stomach along with your heart.

“Really?” You said slowly. “Did they pick me?” was your second question. Her smile faltered a bit.

“No. But I'm picking you.”

You guess that'll have to do.

You and Kate had known each other for a little over a year now. She had met you when she was interviewing omegas to be paired with military packs. You quickly became her favorite, (and almost everyone else’s who interviewed you) and she knew exactly where to put you. Unfortunately, the rest of your ‘soon to be’ pack wasn't as willing. Kate put a hold on you though. Leaving you effectively stuck in an omega-holding house.

“They've already rejected me before, Kate.” It came out as a whine, you couldn't help it. “Is it the same pack? What's going to make this any different?”

She winced at the noise, her brows furrowing.

“Yes, it’s the same pack. And they didn't reject you, they just rejected the idea of an omega.” she corrected. “It's different this time because they've wised up. They asked me to find them an omega.”

“And here I am,” you said glumly.

“None of that.” she scolded, her hand smacking against your knee. “You still have their files?” She asked. You nodded your head. Of course, you still had their files. They practically haunted you.

Plus it was just about the only eye candy you could get in a place like this.

“You remember Simon right?” she continued. You nodded your head. The only man in your file without a picture. He was a fan favorite amongst your friends, along with Kyle. Something about the mystery just had everyone's wheels turning. “He got hurt. Hospitalized.”

“That's terrible.” You gasped. “He’s going to be alright?”

She quickly nodded her head. “Yes, but on the bright side, it made them realize how much they need you,” she said softly. You begin to have a gnawing feeling in your stomach and you are one more fact away from getting the shakes. “Calm down.” she groaned, waving a hand in front of her face. When nervous your scent turned from sweet to sour. Not in a moldy fruit way, but in a strong lemon way. Kate could feel her mouth pucker.

“I can't help it.” you groaned back. “I thought I was going to die in this place. Now you're telling me I have to leave and go out into the world. Not only that but I get to join a pack that has no interest in me other than a healer. You know what it's my turn to refuse.” You snapped. “If that Captain ‘Cost’ or whatever his name is wants me then he can come down here and ask me.” You snapped.

“Captain Price.” Kate corrected, working her hardest to stifle a laugh. “How about we go to lunch, then you can think about it. I can tell you a bit more about them. Maybe that’ll change your mind? Hhhm?” She soothed, patting you on the back.

Who were you to turn down lunch?

Simon had yet to fully wake up. The doctor was right, waking up was a nightmare. John had decided to spend the night outside Simon’s door- just in case. The sound of a thundering growl quickly jolted him awake. John had to tranquilize Simon himself, through a hole in the door. First and hopefully last time he'd ever have to use a blow dart.

It went on like this every few hours, until finally the nurses just decided to keep him under. Simon had cracked a few of his ribs in the fight with himself, along with obtaining more bumps and scrapes.

“Poor lad.” John huffed, after telling the rest of the pack.

“Didn't happen to record any of it did you?” Johnny questioned. “What?!” he spat after Kyle and John glared him down. “Simon drugged up trying to fight nonexistent enemies. Don't sit here and tell me it wasn't entertaining.” Johnny smirked. Kyle pressed his lips together, his imagination slowly taking control.

“Was a sight.” John admitted finally. John suddenly leaned forward his finger tapping against the Scots left shoulder, where Simon’s mark was.“That's one of your alphas you're talking about.” John corrected. Johnny shivered, instinctually leaning into John's warm touch.

“Technically he's the second alpha. You're the pack alpha.” Johnny continued, wanting to soak up as much affection as he could. It worked.

“Good boy.” John praised, his hand drifting over to Johnnys' right shoulder, where his mark was. Johnny purred, his eyes drifting over to Kyle who was watching the whole ordeal with slowly lowering eyelids. Kyle snapped himself out of it.

“Not in public.” Kyle reprimanded.

“You're just jealous.” Johnny nearly panted.

“You get worked up so fast,” John murmured.

“Still got any tranquilizers?” Kyle growled.

After talking with Kate and about three margaritas later you had softened. She had dropped you back off at the omega house holding house, with a tight hug, promising you that everything would work out.

John twitched in surprise when his phone began buzzing in his pocket.

“Kate?”

“When do you need her?”

Yay, you're here for chapter two! Chapter three will be uploaded in two days! See you there 🧡🤎

[bunnliix]

When Eight Becomes Nine - Chapter Seventeen

This chapter gets to the bottom of y/n and why she's feeling this way, as well as a good few talks about feelings, and now we will be on our way to getting y/n as an idol and part of Ateez proper!

Pairing: Ateez x 9th member!reader  Summary: Matz has a talk with y/n about her feelings, and we get some words from the rest of the pack too wc: 1.7k AU: a/b/o  Genre: Fluff/Angst  warnings: talking about feelings, anxiety and worries, reader feeling not good enough, doubt, crying, I think that's it? let me know if I've missed anything! masterlist

The sun had gone down by the time that y/n had woken up for the third time that day, and she found herself between Seonghwa and Hongjoong this time around, the others having disappeared. She groaned as she slowly stretched, alerting the two older men to the fact that she was awake.

“You’re awake, hmm?” Seonghwa asked, looking down at her.

She nodded, looking up at him, and then turning to look at Hongjoong, who was looking down at her with both a caring and concerned look on his face, making for an interesting combination of emotions. She was confused at the concerned look on his face, wondering why he was feeling that way. 

She must have said it out loud, as the alpha chuckled before his face turned serious.

“I am worried about you,” he said, looking at her, his tone conveying that this wasn’t a joking matter.

“Why are you worried?” She asked, confused still.

Seonghwa cut in, “Because you were sad earlier when you were with Hongjoong, and from what you told the others, it doesn’t account for why you were sad earlier today.”

Y/n became quiet at the mention of her time alone with Hongjoong in the studio earlier that day. How do you admit that you felt undeserving and that you were being allowed to do things that really, only pack should do. And no matter how much she wished she was, in her short time of knowing these men personally, she was not part of their pack.

Y/n-ah, talk to us please?” Hongjoong asked, his voice taking on a pleading tone.

“I,” she said, stopping to take a deep breath before she admitted anything, “I was sad earlier because what you were doing should be reserved for packs and packmates. Things you should do with Seonghwa-oppa and Wooyoung-ssi. Not me, an omega you barely know who’s not even a park of your pack.”

She couldn’t bear to look up at either man, she didn’t want to see the pity on their faces. She watched her hands twitch in her lap, before a hand covered them, lacing their fingers together. She slightly hated that she knew they were Seonghwa’s just by seeing them. She watched as her hand was taken from her lap into his, before her face was turned to look at Hongjoong, the captain’s hand on her cheek.

To her surprise, there was no sign of pity on his face, just sadness in his eyes. Why would he be sad over this? She was confused by his actions.

“Y/n-ah,” he started, before reaching out to grab her other hand, “I’m sorry we’ve made you feel that way. I never wanted to hurt you, and it wasn’t intentional, but I’m still sorry that it happened in the first place. I want you to know that we don’t think of you as an outsider. And regardless if you are or aren’t in our pack, we do and will care for you. I’m responsible for you now, and I want you to feel comfortable with me, to feel like you can talk to me if you’re feeling like that, or if there’s anything you want or need. I felt comfortable with you earlier, I want you to know that. I wanted to be that close with you, no matter if it was something that most people think should be reserved for pack only.”

Seonghwa tugged on her hand lightly, garnering her attention, “I agree with what Hongjoong-ah said. But y/n-ah, baby omega,” he pauses for a moment before continuing, “are you feeling this way for any particular reason? Would you want to be a part of our pack? Properly a part of it?”

Y/n broke eye contact with him, it seems he really was perceptive, he already saw through to what she really wanted. She had only known them for a few days, but their pack was what she had wanted, they were all so sweet and caring with each other, and despite their subgenders, no one acted better than anyone else. It was a lot different than the packs she had seen back home, and honestly the kind of pack she had wished for since she was little. But she didn’t want to intrude on what they already had. They had been together since their debut, and she didn’t want to mess that up.

Seonghwa didn’t let her stay quiet for long, “Hey, it’s okay if that’s what you want. I can see how well you’ve meshed with all of us, even stubborn Joongie here.” He paused for a moment as Hongjoong protested Hwa’s words, “I don’t think Wooyoung would let us let you go at this point, he’d be upset with us forever. Probably wouldn’t let us do anything with him.”

She looked up at him, her eyes wide. She knew that she had connected well with the idols, and she knew that Wooyoung had attached himself to her, so Seonghwa probably wasn’t wrong about him being upset with the rest of the group. But for Seonghwa, and maybe even Hongjoong, by the pack alpha’s lack of protest, to say that it’s okay for her to join their pack, she wasn’t expecting that at this point. And as much as she yearned to jump right in, she knew it probably wouldn’t be the best idea.

“I think Wooyoung-oppa would be upset with you if you told him that I had to leave,” she said, trying to joke around to break the tension a bit.

“I don’t think he’d let any of us forget it, if we made the mistake of letting you out of our grasp,” Hongjoong said, completely serious.

“The mistake?” Y/n said, knowing by the tone of his voice, the man was serious, but still wanting that little bit of extra reassurance. She was anxious and feeling a bit caught off guard, so that reassurance would help.

“It would be a mistake to let you leave us.” Seonghwa said, pulling her attention back to him.

Before either of them could say another word, a head popped into the room from one of the hallways. 

“Is everything okay out here? I smell sadness,” San asked, his voice low so as to not wake any of the others who are resting in the pack nest.

“We’re just talking with y/nnie here,” Seonghwa assured him.

San walked into the room, moved to kneel in front of y/n. He looked up at her with care in his eyes, though, just like he had interrupted Seonghwa and Hongjoong from saying anything else, he himself was interrupted by Yunho and Mingi stumbling into the room as they rubbed the sleep out of their eyes.

“What’s goin’ on?” Yunho asked as the duo made their way over to the four already in the room.

“They’re all being sad and having conversations out here without us.” San said before either of the elder men could say a word.

“Why are you all sad?” Mingi asked, his eyes wide as he furrowed his eyebrows, worried for his hyungs and y/n.

Seonghwa looked at you for a reaction before he started speaking, “Y/n feels like she doesn’t deserve some of the attention she’s been given, specifically from Hongjoong-ah. She feels undeserving of it because she views these actions as pack-only things, and since she’s not that, she feels sad that no matter how happy this might make her feel in the moment, she still is not part of our pack.”

“Baby omega is already pack, isn’t she?!” Wooyoung says, bursting into the living room.

Jongho and Yeosang follow behind him, both of them nodding in agreement. Wooyoung settled right next to San, in front of y/n, while the other two gravitated towards Mingi and Yunho.

“Y/n is part of us, in whatever way she wants to be,” Sannie says, with a tone of finality.

“We didn’t think we were missing anyone, but we were, and now that we have you, y/n, we couldn’t think about losing you.” Jongho piped up, making everyone turn to look at the normally quiet beta.

Tears welled up in the omega’s eyes as she sniffled, causing San to stand up and lean in, wrapping his arms around her, before he whispered to her, “Wooyoung’s words don’t just speak for himself, they speak for a good number of us, baby omega.”

“She’s one of us now,” Mingi said, before turning to look at y/n where she was held by San, “so y/n-ah, you’re allowed to take the comfort and affection we give you. You’re a firecracker in your own right, and I want to see you grow and stand on your own two feet.”

“I think you have a lot of potential, and I want to nurture that potential. And you just fit in with us, even if it’s only been a few days since you came here.” Yunho said, smiling.

“She’s my baby omega,” Wooyoung started, before looking up at you where you peeked out from over San’s shoulder,” and you’re also really sweet and I can tell that you care so much about others, so much that I’m not sure how you do it. And I can’t let you go now, you’ve become someone I like a lot.” “You and I can understand each other, maybe more so than some of the others, and I think you’re an amazing addition to Ateez, of course, but also to all of us as a pack, and as individuals. You bring out something new in each of us, and I think you’re what we’ve been missing, even without knowing it at first.” Yeosang spoke, his words making y/n tear up even further.

Hearing from all eight of them about what they thought of her and that they wanted her to be a part of them just as much as she wished to be was surreal. But it was so real, real as the feeling of San’s arms around her, and as much as fans daydreamed of this exact situation, she couldn’t believe that this was her reality now. Her tears spilled over, running down her cheeks as she held onto San tightly. The pack beta held onto her just as tightly in return, whispering sweet reassurances into her ear as the seven others watched the two of them embrace.

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[hellfire--cult]

Edit of Eddie: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Masterlist (Go here to see list of chapters, plotline and general warnings.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU, Mechanic!Eddie

⚠️18+: sexual tension, slight drinking, pining, jealousy, reader being childish, smacking, smut

wc: 16.3K

A/N: It's been a while, but it is here and it's steamy as fuck boys.

Anyways, Enjoy! ❤️ And don't forget to always support me by hitting the reblog button or leave a comment!

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CHAPTER 18

“I’m not going to forget you mom.”

Your mother was looking at you with tear filled eyes as you packed your last bag into the trunk of your car. Leaving your hometown was not part of your plan of the year at all. You figured you would be cradling your baby in your arms by now, having your husband at your side lending you a hand and messing up while changing diapers, laughing at both of your clumsiness even if you had prepared yourselves for it with books.

“It’s just, you’re moving far away from me. I won’t be able to visit you at all… Why don’t you reconsider–”

“I have to leave! I can’t stay here mom. It’s too–” You slammed the trunk shut as your hands went towards your eyes, covering them as a sob tried to rip out from your chest. You felt your mother’s arms wrap around you and pull you towards her chest. Her hand went to the back of your head as she made soft shushing noises to calm the turmoil of emotions that started to unravel inside of you.

“I know… I know baby girl. It’s painful…” Your tears started to wet the palms of your hands as you felt yourself lean on her shoulder. Her left hand went to your back to rub you in soothing circles, letting you cry one last time. This really was not in your plans at all. After a minute she pulled away from you and you lowered your hands to show her a pouty lip and tear stained cheeks. “I’m a phone call away, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” You sniffled as she took a deep breath in, a small smile appearing on her lips.

“But I repeat, don’t forget about me when you start dating.” You rolled your eyes with a sigh at that, shaking your head.

“I’m done with that. I don’t think I’ll date for a while.” Was your response, making your mother sigh with a smile.

“Whatever you say, my little dove.”

“Ngh…”

You whimpered as you started gaining consciousness, hearing the birds chirp, and– You felt like you were ran over by a fucking truck. Everything hurts. Every limb and joint hurts, even your jaw feels tense and hard to move, but there is still a sense of relief. Satisfaction.

Oh you were comfortable, like flying on clouds even if everything hurts. The pain was nothing compared to how accomplished you felt, or how satiated your body, even if spent, felt. You could lay here all day, on this soft mattress, with these sheets that were warm around you, with the fluffy pillow underneath your head, with the arm that was wrapped around your waist–

Hang on.

Your eyes snapped open and your first view of the day was Eddie Munson’s sleeping face.

He was laying on his side, facing you, while you were facing him. Your heart started beating rapidly as the memories of last night began flipping in your head like a scrapbook, and the more you remembered, the more flustered you got. 

You cannot even recognize who you were last night. You were completely feral, animalistic, not caring about anyone or anything but Eddie and the pleasure that he could bring you. Pleasure that you haven’t felt in a while, or maybe ever. You remembered him rising you from the floor, eating you out like it was his sole purpose in life. How his cock filled you, and how good he was in fucking you disrespectfully.

Your embarrassment caught up with you as you remembered how you moaned his name, how you teared up from the pleasure, from how good he was making you feel and then how he talked dirty to you. Your face was in flames, and your belly turned with nervousness as the kisses started flashing in your mind. So many kisses and whispers–

“You take me so well Peach…” 

You cringed slightly, but not out of disgust or second hand embarrassment, but because it flustered you. It was making you feel things you didn’t want to feel right now, like butterflies for example. You wanted to shoot those bastards down, because Eddie was just a friend, and you two were only curious about one another, that’s all. 

You licked your lips as you started to wiggle out of his embrace, moving backwards on the bed towards the edge. He groaned in his slip as his arm flopped to the bed once you got out of his reach. You stared at him for a while as you inspected his sleeping figure. He looked so peaceful like this, pretty even. His lashes were perfect, his stubble was neatly done, his hair was untied and–

You have to stop. You can’t keep looking at him with intentions of staying. What makes you think he wants you here when he wakes up? It was just a quick fuck the remaining hatred out kind of thing, that’s all it was for crying outloud. You bit your bottom lip as you got out of the sheets and turned to finally sit on the edge and pull yourself off the bed and–

“SHIT–” Your legs gave up on you, making you fall back down on the bed, ass hitting the mattress, making it bounce and of course, Eddie was shaken awake.

“Wha– What–?” He was sleepy, his voice raspy and it made your body shiver with its tone. You panicked as you realized you were completely naked, top to bottom, growing way too self-conscious about your situation. You grabbed onto a very thin polar fleece black blanket that had pooled at both your feet, and you put it all over the front but your back was still bare to him.

Your breathing was quick as you felt the bed move, and you closed your eyes while your heart wanted to kill you at the moment from how fast it was beating, threatening to explode. What is gonna happen now? What is going to become of the two of you? Did you two just fuck up your entire friendship? Your relationship? You have to say something, you can’t be shocked all day, sooner or later you’ll have to face him and talk, better that be now.

You turned your head around to look at him, and your breath simply cut off at the sight of him. He sat on the bed, the sheet covering his bottom half, his entire chest on display, his hair down as he rubbed one of his eyes. Your gaze went downwards towards his happy trail that went below the sheet, covering the trail you still wanted to follow. You didn’t notice his eyes were already open and looking at you, and a lazy smirk displayed on his lips.

“Wow, don’t make yourself too obvious, Peach.” You snapped out of your thoughts, your eyes going back towards his face. Embarrassment took over you and you whipped your head around again, trying to calm your breathing. It was already pathetic to be like this when he was this calm in front of you.

But unbeknownst to you, he wasn’t in the slightest. He was good at hiding his emotions, afraid people could know or read him as easily as he could with others… just like he knows you are completely losing your shit right now. 

“Um… I, uh… I fell.” What the fuck are you saying? Stupidity, that’s what. You heard a rough chuckle from behind you and you didn’t know how his eyes were looking at your naked back. He wanted to reach out and rub his hand all over it, and he clenched his jaw as he felt his dick twitch underneath the sheet. He can only imagine looking down at your back as he rails into you and– he needs to stop.

“I could feel that. Too rough for you?” There was mocking behind his tone, which sparked a bit of anger inside you. You stood up from the bed, and his breath hitched when seeing your bare ass for just a second. He bit the inside of his cheek as you turned around and damn you looked so good right now. Your makeup was all smeared, your hair a mess, and his blanket draped over your front as you clung it close to your chest with both hands. You looked fucked, literally fucked.

“Oh? As far as I remember, someone got a bit pussy drunk yesterday.” He threw his head back with a loud laugh, seeing his adam’s apple bobbing up and down at the motion, making your legs tremble more than what they are now thanks to the soreness. Shit, you are not sure if you can do more than two steps without tumbling over.

“Excuse me? I’m pretty sure Gareth who lives three blocks away heard you moaning my name Peach.” Your face grew fifty times hotter, your cheeks burning entirely as he looked at you once again. You were gripping onto the blanket against you as if your life depended on it. Your belly was turning in nervousness as you looked for the following words.

“You moaned my name too, you aren’t all that innocent either!”

“I know I did. You think I’m ashamed of that? It was good.” His eyes were looking at you with an intensity you haven’t felt in a while, just like when Bil– You shook your head from that thought and cleared your throat.

“It was and– and uhm–” You didn’t know what you wanted. It was– He was the best you ever had, there was no lie in that. Better than those boys from school before Henry, better than Henry, better than your hookups and better than Billy… But– he was also part of the friend group. You two were in the same group of people and if something were to happen between the two of you– things like jealousy or one being mad at the other and then it’s just going to be back as it was a year ago.

You didn’t want to go back to that place. You didn’t want to lose Eddie again.

And Eddie noticed it as you looked down at the floor. The thoughts, the doubt, and he could not believe you were thinking about this. You two spent one of the greatest nights, and he knows you enjoyed as much as he did. He knows you’ve never experienced what you have with him, just as he experienced something completely new with you and his fists were clenching the sheets underneath him, feeling anger rising in his chest.

Your mind was trying to come up with the words but if you said you didn’t want to do this ever again, you would be lying. If you said you didn’t want to feel him again it would also be a lie. If you said you didn’t want to feel him inside of you, it would be a terrible horrible lie, the worst of them all because you never felt like that in your life.

But you wouldn’t lie if you said you are afraid of what this might do to your friendship if it were to keep going. What might do to all the improvement you two did the past six months. What might happen in between the entire group of friends you have if it were to all fall apart. What if they took sides? What if you two broke the entire group apart, even between eachother, because of some fun?

“I swear to god, Peach–” He began, already knowing you had come to a resolve. An answer that only angers him terribly knowing you felt as great as he did the night before. That you enjoyed doing to him the things you did just as much as he enjoyed eating you out like he never did before to any other woman in his life.

“We really shouldn’t…” You began, not daring to look at him. You wanted to stop talking, to jump on the bed and into his arms, kiss him again, fuck him, ride him like last night already even if you were sore all over, muscles in pain, but he just–

“Are you serious? After how we went at eachother last night? You’re telling me you don’t want to do this again?” His eyebrows were meeting in the middle, not even hiding the anger behind them. Your cheeks burnt once more as you cleared your throat, your eyes finding his again, your stomach flipping at the intensity of his gaze.

“I just– What happens if something goes… wrong? I mean–” You bit your bottom lip, looking for the right words as you looked at him. “-- I don’t want us to go back to where we were a year ago.”

He realized now with what you were conflicted about, and in all honesty, he never thought of it that way. He had thought of the consequences of fucking you and what could happen if you two fall apart because of it. With the two of you and with the group… But after last night, there is no way in fucking hell he cares for all of that now. 

“Why would something go wrong? What do you exactly mean by ‘wrong’?” He was still looking at your entire figure, and it was rendering you stupid again. Your breathing quickened at how much you felt him burn you with his gaze. Scanning you like a predator, waiting to pounce at any given opportunity.

“I–” It was embarrassing. What if he thought you had feelings for him? Like, romantic feelings. More than simple attraction… maybe– “-- What if one becomes possessive of the other? Like, it can happen. What if you see me with another person and you don’t like that? It would just–” 

And his fists clenched against the sheets as you mentioned that part. He knew where you were going with it, and he wasn’t very keen on the idea of sharing you, but it wasn’t unbearable. If sharing you was his only way of having you, then he would take it. He wondered though–

“And what about you seeing me with another woman?” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you looked at him with a dumbfounded face.

“Huh?”

“As far as I remember you were absolutely jealous last night.” You scoffed at his words, anger boiling as denial settled in your gut. You? What? Your arms left your chest in fury as you burnt all over.

“Jealous!? Me!? I wasn’t!” And you saw how his eyes traveled downwards, his head cocking to the side as he scanned you. You squinted at him, opening your mouth ready to cuss at him, wondering what the hell this man was looking at you, only to feel a breeze brush on your–

Your eyes widened as you snapped your head to look down and you gasped, yelping loudly as you bent down to grab the blanket again. You let it fall and he saw your naked body, in the full-on daylight that was coming through the curtains. Are you dumb!? Your hands grabbed onto the fabric and you stood up quickly, covering yourself only to look up to see a pair of eyes staring down at you.

And you didn’t know how fast he had been, because he was towering over you, standing.

He had quickly crawled to the edge of the bed and stood up before you the moment you picked up the blanket from the floor. Your eyes were wide, staring up at him with bewilderment in them, your heartbeat banging in your ears, threatening to pop your eardrum off. His eyes were hungry, his jaw was clenched, and– You didn’t dare to look down at him. You didn’t dare to look at the thing that had filled you to the brim the night before because if you did, you didn’t know what you would do.

“Then, what is your final answer Peach? We done here? One time thing, that’s it?” You didn’t know what you expected, but not this. He was asking if this was the last time, not really convincing you to say otherwise. Did you want to be convinced to let this continue? What were you expecting from him?

“I–” Your mouth went dry, not knowing what to respond, but your mind knew exactly what it needed to be said. This, even if your body craves it once more, you cannot allow it. He shouldn’t either. You had to tell him that it was done but your eyes drifted to his lips at the same time he did to yours. 

Will you be able to hold back from kissing him, knowing just how good it felt to do so? Will you be able to not look at him the way you have been doing for the past month? Will you be able to not think about how he fucked you speechless on those lonely nights of yours? You don’t know… You don’t want to know but–

“I’ll respect it. I’ll back off.” No. You don’t want him to back off. You don’t want him to stop, you don’t want to stop this, but you can’t let it happen. The group could be involved, the relationship you so craved of him would be destroyed if something were to happen. You closed your eyes as you swallowed harshly, to then look up at his eyes once more.

“It was just this one time… We were curious, and it’s– it’s done.”

You two stared one another down for a few seconds, and it was as if the both of you were expecting someone to break first. For one of you to grab the other’s face and kiss them stupid. You could feel his hot breath all over your face, even if he wasn’t that close. That’s just how hard he was breathing.

His jaw clenched once and then you saw him take a step away from you, turning and grabbing his boxers from the floor. You wanted to look. You really did but you couldn’t. You fucking couldn’t, so you turned your head the other way as you clutched the blanket to your chest. He put his boxers on and then stretched his back, looking at you once more.

“Well, then there’s that Peach. We’ll go back to how we were before all this… or well, try.” You were puzzled by those words, looking at him as you felt your heart clench in your chest.

“Try?” 

“Well yes. Give me a little bit of time to forget about your tits and pussy, hard to look at your face when I have that in my head.” He was so fucking bold for saying this, making your face just flare up, and you looked away for him not to notice. You swallowed a lump of, you don’t even know what, as you stared at his dresser to keep your mind occupied.

“I see.” You didn’t know what to say. He wants to forget about last night and that’s what you wanted right? So why does it hurt your fucking ego? Why does it make your heart clench? It shouldn’t.

“Right. Okay. Well, I’ll let you put your clothes back on and you can go home.” And you snapped your head to look at him only to see him walking out after grabbing his shirt and pants, closing the door behind him. Your mouth fell open in disbelief and you slowly sat down on the bed once again.

What was that? Why did he agree so easily? But you wanted that? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you feel like this? Why do you feel like you lost? Like you are making the wrong decision? It was just sex for fuck sake! There’s probably someone out there with Eddie’s same– same damn cock size! And– someone who can fuck you the way he did… someone who ate you out the way he did–

“Asshole.” You muttered through your teeth, not noticing you were showing them towards the door, a glare in your eyes. Fine, he wants to forget that night. He wants to forget you and your body. Perfectly fine, you’ll do the same. You’ll do the exact same, because this is how it should be. You made the right decision.

You did.

You’re enraged.

He really did not talk to you for the whole fucking week. You were basically back to how you two were a year ago, and you were hating it. You've gotten so used to talking to him everyday, sending funny memes to eachother, and just having fun, and now, it’s nonexistent.

But you sort of understood now what he meant about trying to forget… that. You understood because you can hardly stop thinking about it. You can hardly stop doubting yourself if your decision was the right one, debating the pros and cons about the situation. Of course the cons always won, it had to do with your friendship with him and the group, while the pros were… the pro was you could fuck him whenever you wanted.

You wanted to message him many times, but your dignity always won over as well as your respect for him to move away from you a bit to gather his thoughts once again. But fuck, you tried masturbating last night with the dildo you owned and– it just doesn’t satisfy you the way his cock did. You were enraged because Eddie Munson had ruined you for everyone else, or at least until you found someone that matches him in size and performance.

Robin doesn’t know and she will never know, and you hoped Eddie didn’t tell Steve. That was the last conversation you two had when you left his house, to keep this a secret. You couldn’t even accept his offer of him driving you home, preferring to just order a car to take you. You were awkward and nervous and you probably looked completely stupid, but can you be blamed?

You fucked your friend! You fucked someone you never thought you would fuck in your entire life! And you liked it– No, loved it and you wanted to do it again and again and again, but it just cannot be. You were also mad at yourself for wanting to do this again, despite knowing it was wrong. You hated that your body was already craving him desperately, wanting to feel him against you again, kiss you, fill you up and just turn you into a mess.

You wondered if Robin would kill you for it. She would probably be surprised and ask for details. You really need to stop thinking of him because tonight would be the first night you see him after literally riding him into oblivion and you have to pretend nothing ever happened between the two of you so your friends wouldn’t suspect anything at all.

How the fuck were you supposed to act normal?

Your doorbell rang and you looked at yourself in your full sized mirror again. A black simple strap dress with a black leather jacket on top. Hair done, makeup done, and some low heels. It was good enough and the air was starting to become warmer so, you were absolutely fine with a dress. 

You took a deep breath in and walked towards the door, opening it to reveal Steve, Robin and Jonathan holding their drinks up. You smiled, feeling the nerves invade your belly knowing he could come at any minute. The group decided to go out this saturday for Argyle’s birthday. He didn’t want to celebrate his birthday but you all invited Eden this time so he gratefully said yes. 

He decided on the club all of you were gonna go, and you could already guess it was going to be something different from the usual. Your eyes followed Steve as he entered the house with his boyfriend and roommate and you bit your bottom lip as your heart hammered in your chest. What if Eddie did tell him? Would he tell everyone?

You closed the door and you waited but no questions were asked and you didn’t notice Steve looking at you differently in any way. Same with Jonathan and thankfully Robin as well. He didn’t talk, which was good. 

“So…” Robin began and your blood went cold. Jonathan and Steve smirked at one another and– fuck, did they know? Did Eddie talk? You’re gonna kill him, you’re gonna fucking murder him. “You were glowing this week at work.”

“Huh?” You asked, trying to act innocent, trying to act like your blood didn’t just run cold in your veins just now.

“Robin told me you looked refreshed. What happened when we left Eddie’s house, hmm?” Steve asked and you felt like your breathing was cutting off. You had to lie, you had to make up a lie, anything.

“Nothing happened?” You busied yourself as you all stood in the kitchen, opening up the six packs of beer and putting them inside your fridge. Jonathan leaned on the wall next to it, arms crossed as he looked at you.

“Oh, something did happen.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Lie, you have to lie.

“Okay, fine… Something– happened.” You mumbled and you heard Robin gasp, and you turned around to see Robin covering her mouth and then Steve’s eyes were about to bulge out of its sockets.

“With Eddie?” His voice seemed strained, almost angry through the shock. You winced and frowned, shaking your head.

“What? No! He hooked me up with– with his friend Jeff!” 

Silence in the room. You gulped slowly as you looked at them, and then locked eyes with Robin. She was tilting her head in complete confusion as she stared at you. Her gaze fell on Steve who looked back at her and then you saw him sigh in relief.

Your shoulders fell down as you realized that it was indeed the right decision not to continue being friends with benefits with Eddie. By the looks of your friends, and especially Steve, you could see the fear behind the eyes. There was no happiness about it, or overall excitement for the two of you, just plain worry. Yeah, it was the better choice after all.

“You never told me you liked Jeff?” Robin looked at you once again and you shrugged, opening a beer for yourself.

“He looked nice that night and when you guys left he picked me up from Eddie’s and we went to a motel because he lives with Gareth.” You hoped they were buying your story because you would die if they didn’t.

“And?” Jonathan asked, holding onto your shoulder with a smirk on his face and you cleared your throat, took a sip of your beer and opened your mouth only for the doorbell to ring again and your heart stopped.

“I’ll get it! I want details so don’t start without me!” Robin yelled as she walked out of the kitchen and your blood drained your face. No, you cannot be this unlucky. You gulped as you took a bigger sip of your can and Steve was next to you, and if you squinted you could almost see a tail wag behind him.

“You never said anything! Like if it were someone random I don’t care, but Jeff? We know Jeff!” You rolled your eyes at him as you shook your head, feeling the nerves in your belly grow tenfold as you heard the door opening. You had to get out of this situation and fast.

“I would prefer to keep it to myself, I mean, like you said, it is someone you guys know–” And Jonathan rolled his eyes at you grabbing the rum and coke to start preparing his drink on your kitchen island.

“Oh please, just tell us if he was good and all that stuff.” You should have mentioned someone random from the party, someone they didn’t know. That’s why they’re fucking curious about it and you dug your own hole. You wanted to run away and not deal with this but then Robin marched back in with a smile to her face, Nancy holding her hand, Argyle, Eden and–

Fuck. He put his hair in a half ponytail just like you did that one time for him.

He was wearing a black button up linen shirt, open buttons at the top revealing his thin silver necklace. He was also wearing some worn out black colored pants, or jeans, you didn’t know, but fuck he looked good. Warm weather Eddie was going to fuck you over wasn’t he?

“Okay, continue!” Robin yelled as she sat on one of the stools, elbows on the counter and her chin on her hands with a smile on her face. Eddie’s eyes found yours and– shivers went down your spine as a flash of that night came to your mind. Him on top of you, moaning, thrusting in and out of you and you–

“Continue what?” Nancy snapped you out of your thoughts, making you look at her. Everyone was now waiting for you to continue and when you stuttered, not daring to look at Eddie, Jonathan talked for you.

“Robin said that since Eddie’s party, she–” and he made a nod at you making you wince”--has been in a special mood at work and now we found out why.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and Nancy gasped, covering her mouth and her head snapped towards Eddie. His eyes were wide as he looked at you, a look that only asked one thing of you. ‘Did you tell them?’

Your mouth opened and closed as you looked at him and Argyle was looking in between the two of you while elbowing Eden to the side. You wanted to talk but Eddie was looking at you with anger or with confusion, you couldn’t really tell, but maybe it was both. You stuttered a bit but Steve was the one who interrupted this time, and you wanted the earth to swallow you whole.

“She just told us Jeff came to pick her up that night after we left.” He chuckled and looked at you while your eyes snapped to the wall on your side, not wanting to look at Eddie anymore. Your whole body and face was on fire as you wondered what his reaction was right now.

“Jeff…” By the sound of his voice he was starting to connect the dots together, and a dry chuckle escaped him, making you frown and turn your head to look back at him. “Yeah. Didn’t know he was that good, Peach. Special mood?” 

He was acting cocky now. A defiant look in his eyes and it reminded you of the Eddie of a year ago. Same look, same hateful gaze, arrogant, infuriating, making you want to walk over to him and strangle him until he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

But it was still enough to send shivers down your spine, making you move a bit in your place.

“It wasn’t that good.” Was your short reply, biting the inside of your left cheek and you just now noticed that she had been preparing drinks for everyone.

“Really?” Robin asked while looking at you as she took a sip of her drink. Your mouth opened to answer only for the motherfucker to interrupt you once again, while walking towards you, his hand reaching next to you to open the fridge and take a beer out.

“Hmm, is that why Jeff agreed that it was a one time thing? Maybe the one that wasn’t good…” and he looked at you, glares being exchanged, your heart beating into your chest as you looked at him and you saw his nostrils flare slightly as he continued, “-- was you, little Peach.” 

He slammed the door closed and you hissed at him, the sound startling you, but your anger was rising up, not being able to stop it as you fully faced him. Who does he think he is? Why does he feel that fucking entitled to treat you like this again?

“Slam my fridge one more fucking time Munson.” He cocked his head at you and Steve’s smile fell, immediately stepping in between you two, making you take a step back as well as Eddie, your eyes never leaving his, as he glared down at you.

“Okay, let’s not get too personal here…” Your breathing was deep, face burning with anger now, not knowing how to feel about this whole situation. Why was he acting so badly? He was the one who didn’t want to speak to you for a whole week, and he comes to your house and acts like a child?

“I was just protecting my friend Harrington. That’s all.” Eddie responded and took a sip of his beer before turning away from you. Your heart clenched at that, not really knowing why. You wanted to do something but you were not quite sure what. Just do something to him. But what?

You sighed as you looked at Robin who was looking back and forth to you and Eddie, while the other gave you one last look before turning to go to the living room, or to your balcony. You know Robin is worried, and you are too. Your heart clenched once more, feeling a pang of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

All you wanted was to avoid this treatment. You wanted to avoid going back to the old ways Eddie and you treated eachother, yet you are still back into it. It was wrong to sleep with him. It was so wrong because now your friendship might be over thanks to ego, to pride, and you felt like crying. 

God, you knew he had become a close friend, almost a best friend you could say, and now realizing you fucked it all up for one night just made you want to hit yourself in the face. You wondered if he had the same thoughts or worries in his head. If he also didn’t like this situation at all.

But even with all these feelings, as you walked out with everyone else from the kitchen, and you looked towards the balcony, you couldn’t help but look at his broad back as smoke left his mouth while looking at his phone–

Wait, why is he looking at his phone? Is he– Nope, you are not doing this. You are not. You are going to pretend the knot in your stomach is not there, because, why the fuck would you care if Eddie was talking to someone? He can! He is free to do so, and maybe one of his hookups will be at the club you were all gonna go and he was just securing a fucking pussy. Yes, and he has all the right.

Yet, you couldn’t help but rush towards your table to grab your cellphone and turn away so no one could peek at your phone. You opened Instagram and saw Eddie had posted a story, right before he arrived. Your heart beat wildly in your chest and your finger clicked on his picture, only for the story to pop up and–

You let out a sigh of relief, very quietly, as you saw it was a goofy picture of him, Nancy, Argyle, and Eden in the mirror of your elevator. Wait, why are you relieved? If he wanted to post a shirtless picture on the mirror he could. It would probably score him some girl tonight for him to fuck, and he has all the right to do so because he wanted to forget about your body. And, did he say you weren’t good?

He fucking did. Anger bubbled up in your chest and you turned to see him in the balcony still, and you saw everyone else minding their own business, so you walked towards the sliding doors and stepped out, closing them behind you. Eddie looked over his shoulder and a dry huff escaped him before putting the cigarette on his lips again and taking a big puff.

“So, Jeff, huh.” He mumbled as he let the smoke out and your eyebrow twitched as you walked closer, standing next to him.

“You wanted me to tell the truth? I didn’t know Robin had been talking behind my back about how I–” Oh you chose your words wrong. A smirk broke on his lips, turning to face you with a piercing gaze, making you straighten up in your place.

“How you…? How you were glowing the whole week as Steve said? Or probably how satisfied you looked after riding my dick?” You gasped at how straightforward he was being. Didn’t he need the space to forget any kind of thoughts regarding that night? Thoughts about you? You cleared your throat and looked away, into the horizon, avoiding his eyes completely.

“Don’t give yourself so much credit. I bet you were also in a fucking great mood this week, let’s not forget how ‘I took you so well.’” You heard a groan from him and you turned your head to look at him with a frown and he was looking at you with those sharp eyes, jaw clenched and his free hand clenching onto the rail of the balcony.

“Now it is you who is giving herself way too much fucking credit.”

“I’m literally treating you the same way you are treating me. I didn’t know you would become a fucking asshole again after I said no!” You tried to keep your voice low, but high enough for him to know you were angry. He scoffed and shook his head, taking another puff of his cigarette before he continued talking.

“Don’t you fucking remember? I can read people like the back of my hand, and that is why I’m so goddamned angry at you.” Your mouth fell open as your body burnt from… anger? You didn’t know anymore. You just felt restless, and you felt like he could see right through you at the moment. Could he see how there is a part of you that regrets telling him no? That you want to kiss him again? That you want to feel him again? Can he see all of that?

“Stop with that bullshit Eddie. Did I crush your fucking ego? Is that the issue here?” You scoffed and you saw him clench his jaw as he straightened up, chuckling under his breath. There was tension between you, both are hunters ready to pounce, there’s no small and defenseless prey here. You’re both baring your teeth out at eachother to see who breaks first.

“You’re really up on that stupid high horse, aren’t you Peach?” His voice was rough, trying his best to probably sound cruel, but all you wanted was to pull him to your lips. You really need to fucking stop. “You started the insult, and I finished it.”

“I didn’t start shit! You made fun of my lie–”

“You know what, let’s just–” He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath to then exhale, looking down at you. “-- let’s just move on from this. You slept with Jeff last saturday, that’s the lie, let’s stick to it.”

“Yes, and he had a good time with me as well, even if he wants to fucking deny it just because I don’t want to do it again.” He was containing his own anger inside and you know it. He bit his bottom lip as he gave small nods while his nose flared up. He was pissed. Absolutely pissed. You were being a fucking hypocrite, and a liar.

“Believe what you want. In the end, you seem to be the one who looked refreshed this week.” You frowned at that, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Oh, and you didn’t?”

“Nope. I actually wasn’t refreshed. Hopefully, I can change that tonight.” You frowned in confusion as you turned to look at how he put out his cigarette on the ashtray. What did he mean? You felt nervousness as he looked at you one more time. Without saying another word he opened the sliding door and stepped inside. You stood there, processing what had just happened, wondering what he truly meant. 

Was he going to try to make a move on you tonight? The tension is there, the bantering is there and you should be disgusted or afraid of him making a move but why do you feel… elated? You feel happy or giddy from knowing that he is angry yet he might come onto you again.

Should you put condoms in your bag? Maybe, it doesn’t really hurt, but– no, no. You are not fucking him again. This is final. The group reacted badly when they suspected it was Eddie, which he was, but then they sighed with relief when they ‘knew’ it wasn’t. You sighed yourself as you held onto the rail and looked out into the city.

This really wasn’t supposed to be like this, but you can’t deny you are attracted to Eddie. More than any hookup you had before. It’s like you tried him once and it was enough to make you addicted. Nobody made you feel that way… well… except–

No time to think about that. No time to think about anything. You have to go back to being friends with Eddie. You can’t be salty or angry at one another because this little adventure happened between the two of you. You don’t want to lose Eddie, and you were trying to avoid it, but in the end, it didn’t matter, because it feels like you are losing him either way.

So you took a deep breath in and walked back into the living room, not wanting to look Eddie’s way but it was like you were magnetized to him. You tried focusing on getting to know Eden, and she was really cool, very Argyle in all the good sense. She was the perfect match for him, and her alternative clothes were a contrast to Argyle’s vibrant ones. It was cute.

You were on your second beer now, minutes had passed, almost an hour, and you didn’t want to drink anymore. Eddie has not been interacting or looking your way, and you are restless for some reason. Didn’t he say– No, if he does try something the answer is no. 

Even when you two were left alone in the kitchen for a whole minute, you didn’t share any words as you cleaned up to finally go to the club. You kept glancing at him, but he pretended you were non existent. Your heart ached at how he was treating you because before anything happened he was your friend first, and now you also lost that.

You opened your mouth to talk to him, tell him you didn’t mean what you said, just something for him to finally talk to you the way he always did, but you were interrupted when Jonathan came into the kitchen.

“Welp, you guys ready?” He was sober, being the designated driver this time. Eddie only drank one beer and he stopped because he was going to take the people that came with him home as well. You nodded as you closed the trash bag and walked out the kitchen. 

“Is everything okay between you and Eddie?” Robin asked worriedly. You didn’t really know what to tell her. Everyone for sure noticed the cold shoulders between the both of you, or how you talked to one another before. They weren’t blind, nor deaf.

“Um we– It seems that my comment towards Jeff didn’t sit right with him. And then he insulted me back so–”

“But I saw you two talking outside?” She asked with a small slur on her tongue. You sighed and rubbed her shoulder.

“Yeah, I am not saying sorry and he isn’t either.” Robin rolled her eyes at the two of you, knowing how childish that sounded.

“So, is everyone ready to go celebrate the great Argyle’s birthday?” Steve said a little too loud and you smiled weakly at his state of drunkenness. You heard Eddie laugh at him and your stomach flipped at the sound. This stupid crush towards your friend should be gone by now. It should, you already killed that curiosity, you know how it feels, you know how he does, it should be done.

“Let’s go amigos! You’re gonna like this club!” Eden cheered at her boyfriend as you remembered your purse, walking to your room to get it. This was going to be an outing with friends, so you should act like it. You will try to do some innocent talk with Eddie, maybe things flow naturally between the two of you again if you try.

Maybe.

Or maybe fucking not.

He is avoiding you like the plague. Argyle brought you all to a club that plays Latin music mostly, so it was easy for all of you to just stand around a table, drinking as you talked, laughing when Argyle did a shot of Jagermeister and almost spit it out, but his girlfriend took it like a champ. 

Steve and Robin were drunk, as always. Jonathan was sober trying to fix Steve’s hair while the other tried kissing his boyfriend, and Nancy was giddy, just hugging Robin from behind, and then Eddie… Eddie and you were sober. He was across from you, when a week ago he probably preferred to stand next to you, knowing the two of you were the single people in the group. You both shared that in common, and now you are separated while the couples around you were all over eachother.

You wanted to go dance, to distract yourself from it all, but no one was making any moves to do so. You turned around to look into the dancefloor, and the women were dancing sensually, exotic even, and then, a dark haired girl walked in front of you, her dress glistening from the lights in the club. You were mesmerized by her, not even hiding the fact you were looking at her, but she noticed, looking back at you.

She was really beautiful, and then she winked at you while walking away. Oh… That should have gotten you to make a move. To go after her, but– Fuck, why don’t you feel like going after her? You sighed, turning around to take a small sip of your glass of water only to find a pair of eyes, digging into your skull.

He was glaring your way, and you wondered if it was his ego once more. You got flirted at and he hadn’t. That’s all it was. You rolled your eyes at him and grabbed your glass, turning back around to avoid looking at him again. You felt your heart accelerating as you tried to think of ways to not think about him at all.

But the more you pondered, the more you realized that you didn’t go after that girl because– Fuck, you can’t, you can’t want him! It’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong. The two beers you had probably were enough to make you this stupid. You had to go dance with someone, or get away from Eddie, but you didn’t have to. Eddie was heading to the dancefloor with Steve and Argyle, the two drunks. You only guessed he was going as a chaperone for them.

But what if someone–

You looked at Eden and smiled, nodding towards the dancefloor to join the boys. She smiled back at you, linked her arm around yours, and dragged you to the middle where the guys were. You just wanted to dance, that’s the whole reason you came to dance with them. Steve immediately grabbed you and twirled you around, making you giggle at how he almost stepped all over your feet.

“I don’t know how to dance any of this shit, but I sure as hell will try!” You heard him yell and you shook your head at him, only to then be pushed on your back, making you stumble over. You gasped and tried to grab onto anyone. A pair of arms wrapped around you before you tumbled to the floor, and your face was pressed to a chest, the leather like cologne filling your nostrils, making your heart thump faster.

“Watch the fuck out!” You heard Eddie yell over the music, and then you felt as if he shoved someone. You wanted to remain here, in his arms, and then– memories of that night started coming to your mind. You felt yourself burning all over, and particularly downwards. Fuck– 

“God, there was enough space for him to go through!” You heard Eden complain and then you were being pushed away, gently, the arms unwrapping from your body. You looked up to see those brown irises looking back at you, reminding you of that time where he supposedly hated you, yet still defended you from an asshole.

You don’t want this to be like that time, where he felt obligated to act heroic. He didn’t hate you now, did he? It’s just a rough patch in your relationship and you have to get over it. His hand squeezed your right shoulder and you felt shivers running down your entire spine.

“You alright?” His voice was loud but he wasn’t screaming. You gulped and nodded, feeling cold when the hand retracted. How long will it have to be for you to at least feel Eddie’s embrace again? A hug. Anything… but–

“Thanks…” You muttered under your breath. He gave a single nod, looking back at Argyle who was now trying to twerk to a song, and all you could do is stare at his side profile. 

Stop. Stop. Stop. You can’t fuck him again.

He said you were jealous, and you weren’t! You were curious only! You just wanted to know if he kept hookups as friends later on. Was that so bad? Was it bad to be curious about what a friend does in their life? In their relationships? No, it isn’t. You know everything about Robin, and you just wanted to have the same level of knowledge on Eddie.

You weren’t fucking jealous. You didn’t like him that way even, it was just attraction, so how could you be jealous over someone you just like physically?

“I’m off to get water.” You heard him talk, and you saw him walk away, and now you didn’t want to dance anymore. You bit your bottom lip as you stared at him until he got lost in the crowd. You wanted to follow him and talk to him, but you couldn’t. Maybe tomorrow, because right now it is for certain he doesn’t want to talk to you at all. 

“C’mon brochacha, dance with me! I’m the birthday boy!” You giggled at Argyle and he was right. You weren’t enjoying your friend’s birthday because of these stupid thoughts. Because of Eddie. You tried to calm your heart and dance with him, laughing when he tried to show you and Steve how to dance this music, and Steve just failed miserably.

You were laughing, songs passing and your worries started to leave your mind. Jonathan, Robin and Nancy joined after, but no sign of Eddie. It didn’t matter, because you were laughing as you were twirled around by Nancy. The music was not something the lot of you listened daily, but at least they were very well known songs.

Your bladder suddenly yelled at you for release. You have been holding it in for thirty minutes already, and you had to rush to the bathroom. You leaned over to Eden to yell to her over the music and into her ear so she could hear you.

“Where’s the bathroom!?”

“Next to the left side of the bar!” You nodded and gave her a thumbs up. You told everyone you were going to the bathroom and you started swimming through the sea of people. You avoided a few men that tried grabbing your hand in order to dance with you, rolling your eyes at the insistence. You finally stepped out of the dancefloor and saw the bathroom sign over the entrance of a hallway, but as you walked towards it, your head turned to the left only for your face to completely fall.

Eddie was leaning against the bar counter, smiling down at a girl. Both of them with drinks in their hands. Didn’t he say he was getting water? When did that change to alcohol? And how did he get to flirt with a girl this quickly? Your mouth was dry as you felt your belly turning, feeling your ego being crushed for some fucking reason. 

You turned and walked down the hallway, your knees feeling like jelly. You rushed to get inside the lady’s room and into a stall. You could hear all the girls talk but all you could think about was Eddie’s flirtatious smile towards this stranger. You should feel happy for him, like, good for him for getting some.

You relieved yourself, knees hurting from having to hold yourself up from not touching the toilet seat, and you walked to wash your hands, looking at your reflection as foam appeared on your palms. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and why– why are you thinking like this?

You feel sick. Maybe you are sick. You felt like you wanted to puke, your stomach was turning and your throat was closing up on you. Everything was spinning and you felt dizzy, and angry, and like your dignity was fucking squashed into the floor. At least he shouldn’t flirt with her in your face? You didn’t flirt with that girl before, and he is just–

What the fuck are you thinking? He is nothing to you and you are nothing to him, so why are you thinking like this? You really do feel sick don’t you? You need to go home, but everyone wants to stay most likely, so who on earth can take you home? Maybe just order a car?

Meanwhile, Eddie was outside, in the bar, having the most boring conversation there is with a girl that started talking to him out of nowhere. He was really going to get water, but maybe this was a good opportunity to try to go back to who he was before having a taste of you.

She wasn’t exactly his type, but she was very pretty. She just seemed the typical airhead who laughs at whatever he says for his attention, the hand trick on his arm, the lip biting. Nothing like you flirted with him. It was subtle and you didn’t even know you were doing it, thinking it was simple bantering.

That’s what it was at first, and now you two are back to how you were months ago. He didn’t want to treat you the way he did, but he was angry. He knew you wanted him as much as he wanted you, and he understood you. He really did understand your point of view, and why you were so afraid, but fuck did he want you again. He knows the woman in front of him won’t satisfy him, but if he isn’t going to be able to have you, then he should just refresh his contact list. 

“And then, we just like, drank a whole keg and it was insane.” Her voice was nasal, and her topic of conversation revolved around her solely. He faked a smirk, and he was already told that Argyle and Eden were heading to a motel after this. He didn’t need to know, but that leaves him with no passengers because he knows Nancy is leaving with Robin. So… he can easily take this girl back to his place.

He has to start trying to not think about your body because that’s all he did this past week. Seeing you tonight, in that dress, just made him want to grab you and take you to your room and just bend you over on all fours on your desk and rail into you, over and over again. Make you scream the way you did a week ago. But he can’t do that. 

So, taking this girl back to his place is. He opened his mouth to talk to her only to be interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. He turned his head, frowning in surprise as he saw you standing next to him. You were nervous, and you were a bit shaky from what he could see. He felt his stomach do a stupid twirl, and he wondered if something happened to you.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt um– I– I feel sick…” Now he was confused. His head tilted to the side in question, an eyebrow rising as he looked at you. You felt sick?

“Um… Alright Peach, go tell Jonathan.” Eddie was trying to understand why you were interrupting him, but he didn’t have to wonder for long.

“You promised me you were my ride tonight… Plus they don’t seem like they want to go…” Oh. Oh you were a fucking bitch. He didn’t make such a promise and you knew it. You saw him flirting with someone else, and just like he predicted, you became jealous, to the point of interrupting him. 

“Right. You feel sick and you want to leave now, is that correct?” Your jaw clenched while looking up at him with those glossy eyes of yours. You slowly nodded at him and he had to gather his thoughts for a second, his heart thumping in his chest in excitement. He didn’t plan this at all, he really was going to respect your choice even if you were lying and he didn’t like it either.

“Aww, but I was having fun.” The girl in front of him pouted and fuck, he already forgot her name. The adrenaline of leaving with you overtaking him completely, excited to feel you around him again, hopeful to feel you cum around his cock and yell his name like seven days ago.

“I’m sorry baby, but I did promise her I was her ride for tonight.” He side-eyed you for a moment, and you were fiddling with your fingers while looking away. He wondered what you were thinking right now. 

“Can I at least have your instagram? Snapchat?” His eyes turned to look at the girl in front of him again, and he chuckled, shaking his head.

“Sorry, I don’t own social media.” And before she could ask for his number, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, turning you towards the entrance of the club, making sure you didn’t bump into anyone. He felt you tense up under his touch, or shiver, but it filled him with pride knowing he was making you feel this way just by touching your shoulder.

Once you two were out, he let go of your shoulders and he saw you looking back at the club, and then continued walking next to him. He didn’t see you drink, just at your home and those two beers. He knows you are not drunk, and you did whatever you did back there completely conscious. 

The car was not far away, and there were no words exchanged by the two of you. His heart was beating loudly, hearing his blood flowing, already feeling his belly burn with need. He couldn’t believe how primal he became when you were next to him now. You were a fucking drug. 

He opened the passenger’s seat for you and you looked at him as you slowly got inside, your eyes never breaking contact with one another’s. He felt his hands itching to touch you, knowing he is a few minutes away to actually get to touch you the way he did a week ago. He closed the door and while rounding the car, he messaged Argyle and Nancy to tell them he is taking you home because you were really sick.

He wondered if they were going to buy that lie. He honestly didn’t actually care, not when his stomach turned with adrenaline at the thought of eating you out again, or feel you cum around his cock, very tight at the base, bottoming out completely inside of you. He got into the driver’s seat and he saw you were texting, probably Jonathan since he was the sober one. 

But, he didn’t see excitement in your face. He could detect hints of doubt, of worry, embarrassment? He was about to talk when your phone started ringing, your eyes frowning in confusion and answering it.

“Hello?” You asked and motioned for him to start driving. He started the car and he got out of the parking space to start driving… to your house? His? “Robin, you are drunk– I’m– Yeah, I’m fine! Eddie is taking me home.” 

To your house it is, okay. He leaned over to talk over the phone so that Robin could hear him talk, knowing she won’t remember shit from this night.

“We’re gonna go have sex with eachother Robin!” He felt you push his shoulder, and he could hear how Robin went ‘That’s impossible!’ and he snorted as he kept his eyes on the road. You cursed under your breath as you got on the phone with Robin again.

“He– Of course he lied, god Robin– Yes, I do feel sick… Uh huh.” You closed your eyes, head thumping on the headrest of your seat as you kept listening to your friend. He fixed himself on his own because– for some reason, there was anger bubbling inside of him, and he was hoping his intuition was wrong. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Bye.”

He saw you hang up and sigh, putting the phone into your purse again. Should he ask? Should he just drive to your place without a word? He was never in this position and now he is realizing just how different it is to fuck a stranger from a friend.

“So… sick huh.” He started and you gulped, staring out your window.

“Y-Yeah… I’m honestly feeling icky. Nauseous and stuff.” And he frowned, his gut already turning with a bad feeling, an awful taste in his mouth at your words. Were you serious? No, he definitely knows you are lying.

“Wait, you’re actually sick?” 

“Yeah, I was– in the bathroom trying not to puke before talking to you.” And– Oh he was pissed.

“You– Oh my fucking god!” His foot stepped on the gas, and his speed raised a bit more as he turned left, completely getting off the route to your house. You gasped as you held onto the handle above the window, and he knew you were a bit afraid, but he wanted to murder you right now.

“What the fuck Munson! Take me home!” You could see how the buildings started becoming smaller, then houses–

“No, you and I are going to have a fucking talk, Peach.” He gave you an unamused laugh as you saw the trees coming closer, your stomach turning wildly from nerves, of anger, of excitement? You are not sure anymore. You didn’t do anything wrong. You truly felt sick, you could feel it.

“We don’t have to talk about anything! I just need to get home to rest–” You hear him groan loudly at your response and he turns onto a dirt road, making the car swing around as he gets deeper into the trees around you. You knew there was some kind of countryside outside of the city, but not with trees. It looks more like an ecological park than anything.

Suddenly he comes to a stop, both of you jerking forward, stopped by your seatbelts. Your heart was pounding wildly in your chest as you looked at him, wide-eyed. He turned off the headlights, leaving your surroundings in complete darkness, and the only thing illuminating the inside of his car was the small navigating screen in the middle.

“You are a fucking bitch, you know that?” His voice was low as he almost ripped the seatbelt off of him, running a hand over his face. He couldn’t really believe what you just did, and the fact you are denying it is bringing back all those old feelings he had for you again. How much he hated seeing you lie over and over again in front of Robin. Lying about who you were. But this time, this involves him, and you are lying into his face and even fucking his night over.

“Excuse me? What the hell is your problem!?” You were angry at him because he basically kidnapped you, taking you far away from the city and your friends, and all you wanted was to get home and curl up in your bed. Didn’t you?

“My problem? Oh, I don’t know, the fact I was about to score a fuck for tonight until you showed up and demanded me to take you home, LYING that I promised to be your drive back, when we both know I didn’t agree to shit!” He was looking at you, both of your chests going up and down with heavy breaths. You felt your belly dropping lower and lower, the consequences of your actions now coming clean in front of your face, but you won’t admit that to him.

“I– I had to do it because no one wanted to leave! That’s that!” 

“And your best option was to lie to me, when you knew I was actually busy? You’re full of fucking bullshit and you know I know it.” His eyes were like daggers into your skull, your soul, your heart. He could see you and he could feel your lies and your tricks. It’s not that you didn’t want him to be with someone else, you just felt sick at the moment, that’s all.

“I felt sick! I really did!” You squealed out, making him huff as he let out a fake chuckle, shaking his head.

“Yeah, sick because I was going to stick my dick in someone else’s cunt and not yours.” Your whole stomach, intestines, and lungs made a turn, knocking the air out of you in an instant. How dare he? How fucking dare he say that about you when it was nothing like that?

It wasn’t.

“I– The world doesn’t revolve around you Munson! Why would I care about something like that? The fuck you think you are? The best I’ve ever had or some shit?” You wanted to scoff at that because you were lying. You were fucking lying but you cannot admit it to him. His face turned to you, a glare directed into your soul and you felt a shiver run down your whole body.

“I fucking know I am the best you’ve ever had. And I know you are regretting saying it was a one-time thing.” 

Your body was set aflame at that, and you knew you were becoming aroused each second that passed. You were aroused at the bantering? Were you for real? You couldn’t do this, you had to get home because you were feeling your body tremble with adrenaline as your stomach did somersaults. 

“You’re so fucking full of yourself, you know that?” He was angry, you could see it in the way his jaw clenched and unclenched, how he was looking at you with murderous eyes, and you didn’t really have a way to defend yourself at this point but just keet arguing with him.

“Me? Fine princess. I’ll just pretend you admitted you regretted your fucking choices and so you ruined my night.” You were fuming, thighs rubbing together as your impulsiveness started to get hold of you. Your hands were restless as you looked at him, whole body flushed and burning from inside out.

“Admit!? I didn’t admit shit, and it wasn’t like that! Why can’t you just accept that!?” Your voices were loud, and you were glad no one was around you, at least nowhere close.

“Because you’re a fucking liar Peach!” His whole body was turned to you and you felt your heart hammering in your chest, blood pumping in your ears and your breath was heavy and elaborated. Your eyes were scanning his eyes, his lips as they moved, the vein on his neck, his hand as he flayed it around when he talked.

“Why the fuck would I lie about something like that!?” You gritted out of your teeth and you could feel the tension inside the car, how the air became heavy, two predators waiting for one to pounce onto the other. You dug your nails into your thighs as he rolled his eyes at you, a final scoff out of his lips.

“The sooner you admit it, the sooner we can get this over with and fuck eachother stupid, because I know you want that as much as I do.” Your mouth fell open at that, jaw dropping to your thighs almost. Your hands gripped onto your seatbelt that was still tight on you, glaring at him with sharp eyes.

“No, I do not.” He lets out a chuckle at that, shaking his head and then giving you one nod as his tongue licks on his bottom lip, trying to contain himself, his eyes looking forward and out of the windshield.

“Alright, then it’s done. I’ll take you home and I’ll go back to the club.” Your heart hammered in your chest because, why? It’s already late, he wouldn’t be able to get in. Would he? You felt your entire skin burning, your fingertips up in flames as well as your cheeks. Your body trembled and you couldn’t pinpoint why. It felt like a mixture of things, adrenaline, excitement, euphoria, anger, and– your ego being squashed.

That is all it fucking was. Your pride being destroyed right on your face. Why do you feel like this when you were the one who made the decision? He wanted to keep doing it but you refused and– You didn’t want him to fuck another girl, at least not in front of you.

Because you know you were the best he ever had.

You unbuckled your seatbelt, the noise of it making Eddie turn to look at you, your body immediately reaching for him over the console. You heard him take a sharp intake of breath, as if in a hiss, meeting you in the middle, the both of you breathing heavily, desperate for one another. Your hands grasped his face, his left hand moving to your waist, right hand on the back of your neck, and you two gave one another one final look, before closing your eyes and hungrily taking eachother’s lips.

You kissed him with the purpose of taking his breath away. You wanted to leave no air at all in his lungs as the lip smacking could be heard inside the car, loudly so. Your fingernails went into his scalp, earning a groan from his part. You wanted to die from embarrassment because you realized how desperate you were to separate your thighs for him, so you rubbed them together as his hand on your waist gripped even harder, his fingertips digging into the fabric of your dress.

Your heads turned from side to side as the kiss grew more fierce, rougher, and sloppier. You wanted to feel him again, rub yourself on him, get him inside of you as quickly as possible. You don’t even know if you have the strength to go to his or your house at this point, the need being too unbearable. 

You moaned into his mouth when his hand moved downwards, gripping your ass and you felt a sweat moving all over your body, drenching you from how hot the car felt. How hot you felt. He chuckled into the kiss at your moan which earned him a tug on his hair from your part. He growled into his throat and his hand left your ass. You wanted to whine at the loss of touch, but then he pulled away, making the both of you look at one another, and then, his seat went all the way backwards, away from the steering wheel, his left hand on the lever underneath his seat.

You didn’t hesitate, not a single second, your breathing heavy as you moved quickly over the console, not caring if you were flashing him at all, you just needed to sit down on the bulge you could clearly see on his pants. Feel him once more because who were you going to lie to right now? Lie about how you didn’t think of messaging him all week and tell him to fuck what you said before? Lie about how you were close to visiting him at his shop and probably suck his cock under his desk?

Yeah, whatever friendship you had with Eddie, it’s gone.

Your knees were against the leather seat, one on each side of his hips and your hands cradled his face once again, leaning down to kiss his lips just like seconds before. Your head was bumping slightly against the roof of the car but you didn’t care. It will be a bit uncomfortable but it’s not something you really care for right now.

His right hand gripped the lever on the side to lean the back of his seat downwards, just slightly, not all the way. You didn’t stop kissing him for a second, and then your hips collided with his and he couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, almost a whimper, which you reciprocated with a moan of your own. You could feel him through your wet underwear, rubbing deliciously against you and the zipper’s fly of his pants catching onto your aching clit. 

Your hips were rubbing against him aggressively, not caring if he noticed how desperate you were because, by how his hands started gripping your waist, and by how his own hips swayed on the seat back and forth with you tells you he was in the exact same situation as you were. 

Eddie grunted into the kiss as he felt his dick become harder, twitch at every movement, and he was probably leaking a lot of precum already. This whole week had been torturous for him, not being able to get you out of his head and no matter how many times he jerked off and dedicated his cum to your name, it wasn’t enough. 

And right now, this wasn’t what he had planned. He had planned to meet a chick at the club to take home and try to satiate himself with her, even if he knew damn well it wasn’t going to work out, he still wanted to try. He didn’t expect your jealousy, or whatever it is called because the two of you do not like eachother, not in that way.

This was just physical attraction.

He knew he was territorial. He had his reasons to, but you, you were a mystery to him. Maybe it was your ego, your pride, and it probably really was. Maybe if you weren’t there and you found out later, you wouldn’t have cared. Would he care if he found out about you sleeping with someone else? Missing a night out and to find out you went out and fucked some guy or girl–

The thought made his mind spin, his right hand flying up to grip the back of your head, yanking onto your hair so you would open your mouth. A gasp escaped you, your lips parting over his, and he took this opportunity to slide his tongue in your mouth in order to meet yours. Your moans filled his throat and he felt as if he came back to life once more after the fucking week he had.

Your hands, now clawed onto his shoulders, nails digging into the stupid shirt he is wearing that looks way too good on him and you want to see it in complete shreds. Your hips started circling onto him, and you moaned into his mouth as your clit was rubbed on, your cunt just getting wetter at each roll. His hips were jerking upwards, his need to be inside of you growing each second.

You were pathetically clenching around nothing. Fuck, he felt too good, and you were so stupid for saying that it should have been a one-time thing only, and he is not even inside you yet. His dick is still inside his pants and you already felt cockdrunk on him, but it feels too good to stop. You could already feel the coil in your belly turning, finally pleased to have what it has been craving for.

His tongue was greedily licking onto yours, tasting you and devouring you, eating you whole. He wanted to eat you out again, have your pussy in his mouth, and make you crumble under his touch, but it seems there is going to be another time after this. Your hands went down his chest, and your breaths were heavy against eachother, and he couldn’t help but feel… victorious. He gripped your hair in order to pull away from you, keeping his lips close to yours and he smirked when a whimper fell from your pouted and puffy lips.

“One time thing my fucking ass, right Peach?” Your eyes were glistening with lustful tears, and you glared at him, grunting at his cockiness. You responded by rolling your hips against his, making him choke on his breath.

“Shut the fuck up Munson, my pussy drove you so mad that you didn’t think rationally at all. One of us had to be the voice of reason, and it wasn’t going to be you.” At your response, his eyes looked at you with a murderous stare, and his nostrils were flaring up at you, showing how pissed off your comment made him. 

But you were right on that.

He wanted you so bad that he didn’t want to see how it would affect the entire group and not just the two of you. He wanted to be inside of you again so bad that he was willing to risk it all. He wanted you again. He needed you again. But you are never going to hear that coming from his mouth.

“You say that, yet I had the intention of taking someone home tonight, and trust me Peach, you weren’t a choice.” And now it was your turn to glare into his eyes because, how fucking dare he? How dare he say something like that to you? Why does that hurt you? Why do you feel so angry? Why does it feel like he just carved a hole somewhere in your body?

Your hand flew to grip his chin, tilting his head back as his hand let go of your hair, letting you dive into his neck and biting him. It wasn’t that harsh, but it was enough to sink your teeth in if just a little bit. He winced, clenching his eyes as he felt his whole body tremble at the sensation. You were marking him up. Fuck, if only you knew what it was doing to him.

His dick twitched in his pants, making him groan in pain at how much pressure was being put onto him, your relentless rubbing against him making it all worse. His breathing was shaky, your tongue now lapping at the part where you had bitten. You proceeded to kiss him there, the burning in your belly becoming even more unbearable. 

You pulled away from him with a pop, trying to not hit the roof of the car with your head, and his hands gripped onto your jacket, pulling it down your shoulders and you helped him with taking it off. His mouth latched onto your neck this time, and you sat down on his thighs as you sighed in delight at his kisses. He knew he couldn’t mark you now, it would be too obvious since he probably has your fucking teeth engraved in his neck right now. 

Your hands went to his pants, and you thanked the heavens he didn’t wear a belt today. It was just a matter of seconds before you had unbuttoned him and pulled the fly of his zipper down. You were so close, and then– he pulled away.

“Shit, fuck–”

“What is it?” You were infuriated. Why was he stopping? Why was he stopping you now?

“I don’t have a condom sweetheart, and as much as I would love to fuck you raw, who knows what dick’s been in there.” That earned him a bite to his bottom lip this time, making him whimper against you. Fuck. This was another side of you that he never expected. He loved it. No one ever treated him like this, as if he was owned, as if he should know his place. This was new. You were new.

“I’m more worried about where your dick’s been. I have condoms in my purse.” And that earned you a smirk from him, his bottom lip now red and pulsing from your bite. 

“So, you came prepared.”

“And who says you were a choice?” At that, Eddie only leans in towards you, and you could see him inhaling, how his pupils dilated even more for just a second, and then focused on your face once again. 

“Oh baby, I know I was your only choice.” His and your eyes were locked on one another, fire and sparks flying between the two of you. Your jaw clenched, looking at the purse sitting on the passenger’s seat and then back at him.

“You’re gonna put it on or not?” And his hand flew to reach your purse, without taking his eyes off you. He hands it to you and you take just one second to stick your hand in and then into the small side pocket to take the condom out. You could see your phone lighting up from the movement, and that you had notifications, more than thirty minutes passed since you left the club. It can wait.

He threw the purse back to the side, and you raised yourself a bit from his thighs as you opened the condom with your teeth. He was mesmerized by you, not being able to take his eyes off you as he raised his hips to push his pants and boxers down to his bent knees. You took the latex out of the foil and you threw it away, not caring where it landed really.

You looked down to see his cock, up, alert, red, and leaking for you. You wanted to bend down and lick it clean, to taste it again, but your pussy is begging for it. It has been begging for it for the past week. You gulped as you felt your mouth watering, the back of your head touching the roof of the car from being kneeled on the seat.

Eddie was seeing how you were biting your bottom lip, looking down at his cock and– fuck you were going to be the death of him because if he is not inside you in the next three seconds, he is going to explode. He grabbed the condom from your hand, and immediately rolled it down, holding in a pathetic moan from finally feeling some friction, but it’s stupid to feel it from his own hands.

Your left hand pressed on his shoulder as the right one lifted the hem of your dress up towards your stomach, keeping it bunched up there, finally revealing your underwear to him. He licked the inside of his cheek as he saw how you pushed your thong to the side, and fuck– he could see it. He could see how sticky your underwear was to your pussy from how wet you were. He felt his heart punching his chest with the need to go down on you again, but you didn’t give him time to think at all.

You were already guiding yourself on top of him, the head of his cock gliding between your folds and catching onto your clit, making you moan with relief. Your body shook with adrenaline as Eddie’s hands went to your hips, bracing himself for the moment he had been dreaming of for days. He should have put music on because this was going to be loud, he knew it–

His thoughts were shut off as you started sinking down on him, no need for foreplay, no time for it. It was stupid to try to stop this. It was stupid to try to make this a one-time thing. It was stupid to try to make it seem as if the attraction was not there. It was stupid to try to deny that the year of hatred just made you both want eachother even more. Craving a friendship, or this, you don’t know.

A smile spread on your lips while you bit your bottom lip, your eyes closed as you relished in the feeling of finally having him inside, and you couldn’t wait to feel like last saturday again. Full. Satisfied. Relaxed. You didn’t notice how Eddie was fighting off closing his own eyes so he could drink you in. You were smiling while taking his cock, slowly, inch by inch. Fuck, he can’t wait to feel you around him, to feel you pulsating, throbbing, and then the clench. That delicious fucking clench.

He threw his head back on the headrest as your mouth finally opened with a silent moan, and you looked down to where the two of you were connecting, finally opening your eyes. Your left hand on his shoulder while the other gripped the roof handle on his side for some leverage. If you didn’t, then you were for sure going to sink down at once, and even if you know you can take him, you also know you didn’t stretch yourself out first. You’re wet enough to go slow, but not to immediately slam down on him like you did last time. 

“Oh, holy fuck…” He moaned out, breaths leaving his lungs in huffs, holding himself back from thrusting his hips upwards. The more you took him, the more he was beginning to lose control of his movements. He didn’t want you to be in charge, that was his job… but fuck, you looked so good like this.

You could feel him filling you up, finally swallowing up his base, noticing how his back arched from the backrest, just slightly, as well as a whimper leaving his lips. He looks so good, he feels so good. Your breath was completely out of your lungs as you adjusted to his size, walls fluttering around him, pulsating, sucking him in and not letting him go anywhere anytime soon.

He let out a loud grunt, almost a growl, opening his eyes when your hips finally touched his. He was breathing heavily through his nose as he looked where you clearly swallowed him whole, his cock deep inside of you, and your face did not show a single sign of pain, of hurt, of displeasure. He had some doubts from last time, that maybe the euphoria of it all let you take him the way you did but– no… No, you could take him.

You can fucking take him.

“God, yes...” You breathed out when you felt the tip of his cock just touch you in places you’ve never felt before, or in a while. You weren’t sure, and you really weren’t. All you know is that now you feel amazing, and that’s what matters, that he feels amazing. Your left hand gripped his shoulder tightly, your pussy suddenly clenching around him, making his eyes go wide, and his hips jerk upwards. You gasped at the feeling, the back of your head knocking on the roof, just gently. 

“Shit– Sorry Peach– But fuck do you feel good…” His ass was back on the seat, and you took the opportunity to hover a little longer so his cock would slide out of you a few inches, and then you slammed yourself against him, knocking the breath out of his lungs. Your eyes were glistening, the pleasure taking over your features and body.

“You feel good Eddie, so good–” You could admit that to him, just like he was to you. You rolled your hips against him, your G-spot being rubbed on and your mouth fell open in silent moans. Eddie could only grip your thighs, trying not to dig his fingertips into your flesh, not wanting to hurt you but–

It was as if the two of you were made for eachother.

You raised yourself from him, only to move down again, swaying your hips just slightly as you did so. He let out a sigh of pleasure, rolling his head over the headrest as he felt you start to create a tempo slowly. He could feel how deep he was inside of you, and he kept wondering how it was possible. But just like last time, maybe some things just have no answers. ‘Because it can’ and it was as simple as that.

You were now moaning a louder, your moves quickening as you felt him glide inside of you, feeling every vein and ridge of his shaft. You felt like you were floating on clouds by how good it felt, only the burning on your thighs from the work you were putting into bringing you back to earth. 

He saw how there was some drool pooling at the corner of your mouth as it remained open with noises coming out of it each time you went down on his cock. He could also hear the squelching sound of your juices, of your wetness all around him. You look so beautiful and perfect right now, he can’t help it. He leaned forward, his right hand moving to the back of your neck to pull you downwards and clash his lips onto yours.

You moaned into the kiss as your right hand now rested on his left shoulder, mimicking your left one. You kissed him back, instantly melting your tongue with his, savoring him once again as you kept moving your hips, up and down, quicker, faster, rougher, and his left hand moved from your thigh to your ass and then–

SMACK.

You gasped into the kiss, pulling away for just a second, your right ass cheek burning from the slap it received. 

“Eddie–!” His hand pulled you back to his lips by the back of your neck. You moaned into the kiss, his hand now rubbing the area where he slapped and you just rutted your hips against him, the tip of his cock just abusing your g spot, tipping you closer and closer towards the edge. 

You didn’t feel like yourself and Eddie didn’t either. It was weird to think that the two of you were just friends a few weeks ago and now you are roughly fucking inside his car, like two horny teenagers. The windows of it all fogged up, and you are pretty sure your moans can be heard from the fucking city. 

Your belly burnt and twisted, and you felt like it was going to explode. Your orgasm was coming closer and closer and Eddie could feel it all around his cock. Your walls were throbbing against him and in all honesty, Eddie had been thinking about this for so long that his own orgasm was coming quicker than normal. He grunted when he raised his hips and then set a brutal pace on you, pistoning his hips into you, the slapping of hips loud inside the small room in the car.

You pulled away from the kiss, holding onto his shoulders and feeling his fingertips digging into the flesh of your ass. He had a death grip on you, helping him pull you down towards him as he thrust upwards into you.

“So well. Taking me so fucking well Peach–” He groaned as he felt beads of sweat falling from the side of his face, your moans and the squelch of your pussy a degenerate but blissful sound in his ears.

“Eddie– Eddie– oh fuck–” Your belly coiled, pussy clenching around him which made him stutter, feeling himself getting closer. He wished he wasn’t, just to make you time two, maybe three times around his cock, but his body was betraying him tonight. He gave one deep thrust before pulling his hips back down onto the seat, making you slam down on him, a loud grunt escaping him.

You started moving desperately, trying to chase your high, needing it, and Eddie was just letting you use him at your disposal. You were moaning his name like your life depended on it and he was loving it. His right hand left the back of your neck to push one of the straps of your dress down, as well as the strap of your bralette.

He almost ripped the cup of the lace off you but he wasn’t going to risk being yelled at by you, so he pulled it downwards, making your left breast pop out. His mouth immediately latched on your neck, kissing it sloppily. You were dizzy, your mind completely shut off thanks to pleasure as your hips kept moving on him, feeling the drag of his cock against your walls, and the tip of it hit you deliciously where you needed him the most.

You felt him unlatch from your neck to then feel your nipple being pinched by teeth. You let out a pathetic whine, a whimper, and you hear him moan against you as his lips envelop your nipple and he starts sucking on it, making you sweat all over as you feel your orgasm as if it were about to murder you.

He could feel you, smell you, and you were driving him absolutely mad. He was throbbing, begging for release, but he was holding himself back trying to wait for you to cum around him first. He needs to feel it. He lets go of your nipple with a pop and he presses his forehead against your collarbone, his face twisting as his entire body starts to shake from the impending orgasm.

“Peach– I’m going to fucking cum, fuck–” And for some reason, knowing she was making him cum by just riding him stupid was the drop that tipped over the glass.

“Ed– Ed– Eddie–!” Your eyebrows were met in the middle as your mouth remained open with breathless moans as your walls clenched tightly all around him, making you stop moving. He threw his head back onto the headrest, feeling himself being engulfed by you, trapped by you around his base and it felt too good.

“You feel so fucking good baby, god fucking damnit–” You were trembling on top of him as he moved back and forth in the seat so his cock would drag inside of you, helping you ride your orgasm out, and he realized you came with penetration only. His hands held onto your thighs now, his hips thrusting as much as they could, his breath coming out ragged as he still felt you spasming around him, and clenching on him. “-- sh-SHIT!”

He pushed your thighs down on him, seething himself deep inside of you, finally letting a loud cry escape your lips, and he clenched his eyes as he moaned your name, his seed spilling into the condom in huge spurts, and in great quantities. His hips twitched underneath you, the vein in his neck popping off from the intensity of the orgasm. He felt so good, so satisfied, his breathing coming in heavy as well as yours as you both finally relaxed, him on the seat and you over him. 

The crescent moon marks on his shoulders thanks to your nails, your heart threatening to just give up on you at any moment, the fogginess of your climax starting to slowly wear off the more you catch your breath. Your legs were shaking, spasming every now and then and he winced from the overstimulation around him.

With one hand he managed to press the button to pull the window down, letting the cool air come in and it felt like a punch to the face, a punch of reality. You felt quite shocked suddenly, pulling the strap of your bra and dress over your shoulder, fixing it on you. Eddie was just like you, just staring at your middle because the adrenaline started to wear off and– fuck.

You slowly moved your hips upwards, pulling him out of you, earning a wince from the two of you. You saw the filled condom, making the situation more real than just a passing dream. You were trying to catch your breath yet as you moved, trying not to make a fool of yourself and just fall on your face, going back to the passenger seat, stepping over the console. Once seated, you fixed your dress, looking forward completely wide eyed, feeling your juices dampening your now fixed underwear, covering you once more.

Eddie was staring at the windshield, starting to get clearer, the fog of it coming off thanks to the window being open. He gulped as he looked down and took off the condom, hearing you still fixing yourself on the passenger’s seat. He tied the latex up, and opened the small trash can container that is underneath the radio. He has to remember to take it out the next day.

He fixed his pants, then the seat and then it was just silence as the two of you looked forward into nothingness. You were slowly putting your jacket back on, and then you could hear just how quiet the outside was, making the entire situation even more embarrassing.

“We… have to talk… but tomorrow–” You started, and he quickly answered.

“Agreed.” He knows the two of you are quite in a state of shock right now, so talking about this now was not the best idea. He sees you putting your seatbelt on, so he copies your movements, and before he can ask–

“Want to… sleep over?”

end of chapter 18

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a/n: it's all uphill from here

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@babez-a-licious @arsenicred @bl4ckt00thgr1n

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[guiltyasdave]

come morning light

chapter 2 • series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: An injured Joel and Ellie stumble into your home in the middle of the night. Against your better judgement, you decide to help them.

word count: ~2.5k

tags/warnings: post outbreak, slow burn, found family, age gap (sorry not sorry), able-bodied reader, angst, reader has a sad sad backstory and ptsd, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut, vague description of an injury

a/n: i'm finally finished with chapter 2, and once again nervous af about it haha. there's not terribly much happening in this one, but i promise we'll get there, it just needs the buildup :)

thank you @catchallfangirl for beta reading <3

follow @guiltyasdavenotifs for fic updates and find my full masterlist here :)

dividers as always by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🤍

You don’t feel like you’ve slept at all, but after hours of tossing and turning in the darkness of your bedroom, you think it’s probably time to get up. 

You’re halfway convinced that last night’s events were a product of your imagination, that your mind has felt so lonely that it conjured up the whole scenario. But when you step out of your bedroom and find the door of your parents’ bedroom only halfway closed, the way you have never left it before saying good night to Ellie earlier, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might actually be your reality. 

Ellie seems to be sound asleep, a lump under the covers, softly breathing, but when you head to the living area and switch on one of the smaller lamps, you’re met with the piercing glare of Joel. He’s still lying on the couch, much like you left him, still pale, still dark shadows under his eyes, but he’s much more awake now, his gaze following your every move. 

“Hey,” you say softly, sinking down on the same armchair that you sat in when you watched him last night while Ellie took a shower. You suppress a shudder at the way he regards you, his eyes flicking up and down your body, taking in your size, you presume, searching for weapons. Your gun is tucked into the waistband at the back of your pants, which you’re sure he’s already aware of. You don’t like the way he makes you feel, like somehow you’re intruding on him. You should have the upper hand, this is your home and he’s injured, you helped him for crying out loud, and here you are, nervously watching his every move. You did the right thing. It’s gonna be fine. 

“Where’s Ellie?” he asks, ignoring your greeting, his voice gruff. 

“Sleeping,” you reply, nodding your head to the bedroom door. “She’s okay, I promise.” 

Some of the tension seems to release from his body and he slumps back down a little, but the distrust in his expression when he looks at you doesn’t waver. Then again, you’re probably not much different. 

“Look,” you sigh, “I’m not playing some kind of game here. You came into my house, I saw that you needed help, so I helped.” You try to infuse your voice with as much confidence as you can. “Don’t make me regret that, okay?” 

He shrugs, a noncommittal grunt the only verbal answer. It could potentially be interpreted as a thanks, you guess. In a less tense situation, you’d probably grow annoyed by now. Shrugging yourself, you get to your feet and head to the kitchen. Anything to escape the way he’s watching your every movement.

“Hey, do you want coffee?” You don’t really want to offer him any, but you’d feel weird drinking it yourself without asking. 

He pipes up at the question, head turning in your direction, his face the most open that you’ve seen it yet. “You have coffee?” 

“Yeah.” That’s why I’m fucking asking. 

“I– yes.” A breath, a second of him not meeting your eyes. “Thanks.” 

You smile, small, fleetingly, busying yourself with the ground beans and the boiling water, reveling in the smell that slowly spreads throughout the room. It reminds you of happier times, when the world was still normal. 

He has pushed himself into a sitting position, breathing heavily, when you walk over to hand him the steaming cup, still careful to keep your distance. 

After you sit back down, the both of you stay silent for a few minutes. You enjoy the bitter taste on your tongue, the way you slowly feel your energy rising. 

“Does it hurt much?” you ask eventually, gesturing towards his stomach. 

Another grunt, the hint of a head shake. 

“So it does.” He opens his mouth, the protest most likely already on his tongue, and you raise an eyebrow. “I have painkillers, are you sure that you–”

“No.” It comes fast, his voice raised, no room for arguments.

You instinctively flinch back at the unexpected louder sound, the cup shaking in your grip. You set it down on the table in front of you. Have your hands free, just in case.

There’s a hint of regret in his eyes, his free hand slightly raised, palm open. He’s trying to calm you down, you realize. 

“Okay,” you breathe, working hard to keep your voice steady, “no painkillers, got it.” 

“Sorry,” he mutters, his face half hidden, words almost lost behind the cup. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“It’s alright,” you tell him as much as yourself. 

You’ve gotten jumpy, not used to loud sounds anymore, raised voices, not used to humans in general, you suppose. You hadn’t fully realized it until now, until there’s other humans around you again.

“Thank you,” he continues unexpectedly, “not just for the coffee, but– you know.” He’s struggling, the words not coming easily, but you think that he’s being earnest. “Patching me up.”

“Of course.” You nod hastily, your heart still beating a little too fast. 

Another moment passes in silence, both of you slowly sipping the coffee. He’s looking around, taking in his surroundings, eyes lingering on the closed wooden doors and the stairs leading up. You try not to get nervous about it. It’s normal that he would want to know more about where he is, after all. 

“This is the basement, right? Is it safe?” 

“Yeah,” you breathe. “No way to get in from outside.” As long as you stay inside, you’re safe.

He hums, appreciatively, you think.

“How long have you been living here?” 

“Always. It’s my parents’ house. I mean–” you laugh, but it comes out hollow, “we lived upstairs, obviously. But my dad was… kinda crazy. Or– not that crazy, I guess, all things considered.” Your lips curl into a wry smile. 

Your mind flashes back to long lectures about survival techniques, learning how to shoot, your father going on and on about first aid, hunting, all the things that you couldn’t have cared less about as a teenage girl, but were ingrained in your brain nonetheless. You’re grateful, now, but it’s laced with guilt about how often you snapped at your father, how often you told him he was paranoid, seeing dangers that weren’t there, that he was wasting your time. You couldn’t have known, the rational part of you argues. But you can never take it back now, the guilt whispers. 

When you look up, Joel’s eyes are on you, eyebrows raised in question. You shake your head, trying to clear it. Stay in the present.

“Sorry, what did you–?” 

Worry is painting his expression. “Are you okay?” 

Don’t show weakness. “Yeah, of course. Just spaced out for a second.” 

You force a smile onto your face and stand up rather abruptly, gathering both cups and putting them into the sink. Joel hasn’t moved, but you feel his eyes on you as you move. 

“Do you, um, do you want to shower, maybe? Or just wash up, I don’t know, how–” You gesture towards the dried bloodstain on his flannel, forcefully keeping your tone light. “I have clean clothes, too, if you want.” 

A shiver runs through you at the thought of going through your dad’s things, of someone else wearing them. He doesn’t need them anymore. He’s not coming back. 

You know that you’ve gone silent for too long again even before you see Joel’s expression. He doesn’t ask this time, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t place, something that almost looks like understanding. 

“Yeah, I guess cleaning up a bit would be nice. I– thank you. Again” 

His voice is gruff and he avoids your eyes. You think that he doesn’t like it, having to thank you. Owing you. 

Giving him a nod, you head to the bedroom, hoping not to disturb Ellie, but she’s awake already, her eyes glinting in the light that’s falling into the dark room from the living area. You clench your jaw, heading for one of the drawers, trying hard not to think about what you’re doing. It’s not like he ever wore this stuff, it was just sitting down here. It’s fine, you’re fine. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not about you,” Ellie says quietly from beside you, breaking through your racing thoughts. 

You turn towards her, confusion on your face. “What is?”

“Joel,” she shrugs, still keeping her voice low. “He’s like that with everyone. He’s a bit of an asshole, really.” She sounds fond, saying it, like it’s an endearing character trait. 

A surprised laugh escapes you. “I– okay, thanks, I guess.” 

She waves it away, swinging her feet out of the bed. “No, thank you for not murdering me in my sleep.” 

“Yeah, likewise.” You shake your head, still laughing to yourself. It’s so easy to like the girl, to feel like you already know her. 

You hand Joel a pile of clothes, purposefully avoiding to look at them too closely, explain where the towels are and he grumbles his approval before the bathroom door closes behind him. 

You release a breath and close your eyes for a second. You are undeniably warming up to Ellie, finding it almost impossible not to, but her companion is a different story. 

“Hey, do you drink coffee?” you ask in the direction of the bedroom. 

“Ew, no!” comes her reply as she steps out of the door, collecting the wild mess of hair on the top of her head and securing it in a ponytail.

Her offense at the mere suggestion makes you chuckle under your breath as you busy yourself with preparing breakfast in the form of porridge instead. She’s leaning against the doorframe, watching you, her eyes wide as she takes in the cupboards full of supplies. 

You’re glad that you don’t need anything from the storeroom, keeping that door in the corner firmly closed. You want to trust her, want to trust them, but a feeling of unease still lingers at the thought of letting them know just how much you have.

Instead, you voice another question, a thought that fills you with unease as well. 

“Hey,” you begin, keeping your eyes trained on the stove, “I’m sorry, but you and Joel, there– there isn’t anything weird going on, is there?” 

“Like what?” She sounds slightly defensive, but when you steal a glance at her, she’s eyeing you with curiosity. 

“I don’t know, like…” You shrug, stirring the mixture of water and oats, “you want to be here, he’s not forcing you to come with him or anything, right?” 

“No, don’t worry about that,” comes her reply, almost amused. It was a bit of a stupid question, when you think about it, considering how worried she was about him last night, how protective. 

“Okay,” you smile at her. You’re curious nonetheless, how they ended up together and where they’re headed, but it’s probably not really your place to ask. 

You divide the porridge into three bowls and hand her one, while you carry yours and one for Joel back to the living area and set them down on the wooden table. 

Ellie starts shoveling the food down immediately and you’re left wondering once more what happened to them and when they last ate something. 

“So…” Ellie begins, her mouth still half full, “you’re just down here with all this food? Because your dad stored it here, before… things went to shit?” 

You can’t blame her for her curiosity, you’re aware that you’ve probably found yourself in a better living situation than most people. Your thoughts go to the storeroom again, basically stuffed with enough supplies to last you multiple lifetimes, especially now that it’s just… No.

You hum in affirmation, not trusting your voice and you’re thankful that she’s too distracted by her breakfast to notice anything weird about your reaction. 

“So you don’t go out hunting or anything?” comes her next question. You freeze. 

You did go hunting, back when you cared about variance in the meals you prepared, about using fresh ingredients when you could. Until there was no need for that any more. 

You realize that Ellie is saying your name, not for the first time, judging from the look on her face. 

“Sorry,” you mumble, your hands tightening around the bowl. “No, I- I don’t go hunting.”

If she finds the situation weird, she shrugs it off impressively fast. 

She nods to herself, eating quietly for a minute, before she speaks up again. “So what do you… do? Down here all day?” 

“Uh…” What is it that you do all day? Time has been blurring together, days without anything happening repeating on a constant loop. You realize that you don’t remember, can’t talk of any activities that are part of your day. How long has it been like this?

You’re relieved from having to answer by Joel emerging from the bathroom, his face pale and his breaths going heavy. He has put on the sweatpants you gave him, but his torso is bare, the skin around the injury still an angry red. 

He sinks back down into the cushions with a heavy sigh and you quickly get to work, cleaning the wound once more and giving him more antibiotics before you redo the bandages and hope for the best. Your hands don’t shake as badly as they did last night. 

Ellie gets him some water and pushes his bowl of porridge into his hands, urging him to eat, before she turns to you. She’s trying to be strong, to hide her worry, but the pleading look in her eyes when she asks you if he’s gonna be okay tells a different story. 

“Of course,” you say, giving her what you hope to be a reassuring smile. 

Joel does look better after he’s eaten something, but his eyelids are drooping and after a few more minutes, his eyes close and his breath evens out. You do the dishes and check the cameras, calming down a bit more when you’re sure that everything seems to be quiet upstairs. 

When you return to the living area, Ellie is rummaging through her pack, muttering to herself, until she pulls a book out of, proudly turning the cover for you to read it. No pun intended - Volume Too.

She starts reading them to you while you settle back down with a second cup of coffee and you share her laughs, enjoying the way it makes her look lighter, allows her to be a kid who can laugh at stupid jokes. You ignore the sting it causes in your chest because you once knew someone who would have loved this book just as much as Ellie does.

thank you for reading 🤍 if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an ask, it truly makes my day every single time!

[ldysmfrst]

American Mate - (4)

First Case of Alpha Space

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 4 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 4,731

Work count for Story: 17,363

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children. One of which is special needs, and on 3/28, they lost 75% of their vision. I have had to take time off work to accommodate many MANY doctor appointments. I started a Ko-fi if you feel the heart to donate towards helping with the medical costs of appointments, medication, and modifications to the house, which insurance doesn't cover.

Warnings: (I am not good at this, but I will try. Let me know if I missed anything!!) NOT BETA READ!! This story will have a bit of angst, fluff, smut, f/m, m/m, and m/f/m. This chapter does have Injury, Anxiety, Panic attacks, comfort, Alpha Space, and Cultural differences.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Is it really that big of a deal that you got hurt? My god, you were 35 already. You have never lived a sheltered life. You have had your fair share of broken bones, twisted ankles, scrapes, and bruises. 

You are always going on adventures, riding horses, and climbing things you probably should not be climbing. Most of the external scars you bear are associated with stories that are good conversation starters when you feel like showing them. 

Things would be difficult for a while because you are undeniably right-handed. You have a few days of sick time saved up that you can use to start with. Hopefully, this will help you gain some compliance from your wayward left hand. 

Work, however, is going to be the hard part. Luckily, your work is typically done on electronics, meaning nothing has to be handwritten. Even if you tried to write left-handed, no one could read it. You would bet money doctors had better handwriting skills than your left hand did in its pinky. Dictation software to save the day!

Hearing Derek’s voice broke you out of your thoughts regarding your near future. Watching him act cautiously while interacting with the other hybrid was interesting. There is clearly a difference in how he acts with Yoongi than with Evie.

Giggling to yourself at the mention of being a mate with Derek gains the attention of both. Shaking your head, you explain, “Oh, sorry. The thought of being a mate, much less to Derek, was amusing, I guess.” 

You missed the slight frown that briefly graced both men’s faces. Derek thought you were implying he wasn’t mate-material, and Yoongi thought you believed you were not worthy of being a mate.

“Thanks, Y/n. I let you know that I am a catch despite being a Beta. Besides, this isn’t about me right now. We need to get the leadership involved with what to do moving forward. Are you okay if we bring in the others?”

“Yes, please. I need to speak with Director Johnson, fill out an incident report… um or dictate an incident report, and then get to a doctor,” you agree. Attempting to stand up, you are blocked by the golden-yellow eyes that have not stopped watching your every move.

“Mr. Min, I need to get some things done and take care of my wrist,” you say with a hint of confusion because you know he knows that you need medical attention, but he isn’t letting you.

Yoongi’s eyes narrow, and a soft growl pours through the room, causing your eyes to widen. You look over your shoulder at Derek with a ‘what-the-F-did-I-do’ expression, only to be met with a smirk.

“Y/n, I don’t think you understand what is going on. You haven’t dealt with a situation like this before. You may love hybrids, but you still have limited interactions with our culture and this dynamic.” Walking backward toward the door, Derek continues, “With the state of mind that Mr. Min is in, it might be best if a packmate of his explains.”

Derek opens the break room door to face Hoseok, Taehyung, Namjoon, and Jungkook, all staring. “Oh, Hi there.”

Then, as if someone had turned the mute off, they all started talking simultaneously. 

“Is Yoongi-hyung dropped yet?”

“그 사람 괜찮아요?”

“Why does she still smell hurt?”

“Wait, wait, wait, please,” Derek puts his hands up, motioning to stop. "I do not know Korean, for one, and for two, Mr. Min has gone into full nonverbal Alpha Space, and I am not sure he will be coming out of it anytime soon. However, one of you should go in to handle the situation, and Y/n needs to talk with Director Johnson.”

At the mention of the director, a low growl came from Taehyung, causing Derek to take a step back and lower his eyes in an automatic response to a displeased Alpha.

The scent of calming leather gently flows over the group at the door as Namjoon steps forward. His mind is still reeling a million miles a second with you being their mate and you being injured. To top it off, Yoongi is on a deep level of Alpha Space.

“Sorry about that. I can come in, but the director is busy at the moment. He is dealing with the Playmates, your corporate office, and Manager Sejin,” apologizes Namjoon as he enters the room.

He follows Derek to where his packmate and Y/n are situated at a table. Taehyung and Jungkook follow quickly, sneaking in before the door closes all the way. They both kneel respectfully behind Yoongi. Their Alphas recognize that Yoongi is currently in charge of you, and it would be unwise to display anything that could be considered a threat by approaching you too quickly.

They both need to be close to you, and their instincts to be with their newly discovered but injured mate drive their actions. Looking you over for injuries, their eyes resting on your wrist with furrowed brows and set jaws. Taehyung’s eyes change to crystal blue as his tail flickers almost in time with Yoongi’s as he slips into Alpha Space. 

“Namjoon-hyung, Miss Y/n is hurt. She needs a hospital, I think,” Jungkook says, his ears standing straight up on his head, one-pointedly focused on you and the other twitching between his Prime Alpha and the door. 

“It is not that big of an issue, Mr. Jeon, Mr. Min, and Mr. Kim.” Looking up from the trio in front of you and addressing the Prime Alpha, “Sir, I have specific protocols to follow due to company procedure. I must talk with the Director.” 

A growl from one of the men in front of you freezes your words, unsure of what you did to cause their reactions. Internally, you groan because it seems all you get from them are growls as if you vex them more than humanly possible. 

“Miss Y/n, we have already talked to Director Johnson,” Namjoon says with a look of distaste. 

“He has been informed that you are now under the care of Bangtan Pack following hybrid customs,” Namjoon says. "It would be wise to refrain from talking about him at the moment; he did not leave a good impression with the pack.”

Your brows scrunch in confusion, making the hybrids want to coo at your cute face. Clearing his throat (aka his mind), Namjoon continues, “We have more pressing matters to attend to besides paperwork.” 

“You are injured, and we have to get you to a doctor. Manager Sejin is currently contacting one of our personal physicians that we normally use while on tour to have you treated.”

“What? Why would I use your doctor? I can just go to the local clinic,” you quick question. Your scent spikes almost like a heavy perfume with anxiety with the flashbacks of your nightmare. 

“Please, I have taken up much of your time, and caused enough problems as it is. I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be a bother,” you plead.

At your words, you are surrounded by multiple growls and watched by now golden-yellow, crystal blue, and smokey gray eyes. Scooting back in the chair as if the quarter inch gained would save you, you nervously ask, “Derek, what did I do?”

“Y/n, you really don’t get it do you? For as smart as you are, sometimes you can be oblivious,” Derek scoffs teasingly. Smiling, he shakes his head, stepping back from the group and heading towards the door. “Mr. Kim, as Prime Alpha, you might want to explain what is happening and what she should be expecting. Mind you, she has been fiercely independent for the last 15 years of her life.”

“I wish you the best with her. It won’t be easy, trust me, I know. Good luck,” says Derek as he bows slightly to Namjoon once he reaches the break room door.

Looking at you again, this time with a smile filled with adoration for his best friend and what he thinks your future may hold, Derek says, “Relax and have fun.” Then he turns and leaves the room. 

As Derek leaves the room, he smiles at the remaining pack guarding the door. “Mr. Kim, Mr. Jung, and Mr. Park, I think your human does not understand what is happening.”

“Our human? So, you know?” Seokjin questions with wide, cautious eyes.

Derek looks over his shoulder at the closed break room door. His mind conjures up all the ways this could go sideways, but he focuses on all the ways this could be the best thing for you.

“At first, I thought it was just a typical Alpha reaction with him being the cause of Y/n getting injured, but his care and gentleness seemed to come from somewhere deeper. Add on the fact that your other two are fighting Alpha Space. It would be hard to miss,” says the fox hybrid with a softness.

“The other two?” someone asks.

Shaking his head, Derek looks back at the remaining three, saying, “Yes, the younger Mr. Kim and Mr. Jeon’s Alphas surfaced just before I left. Your Prime Alpha is going to try to sort things out, but he may need some back up.”

“Meanwhile, I am going to find our boss and see what needs to be done before you all run away with her,” comments Derek, leaving the pack to mull over the new information.

“Tae has never been one to control his Alpha well when one of us is hurt. I am not surprised if he slipped once near her. Kook always runs on instinct too, so it makes sense he slipped as well,” Seokjin contemplates. 

“Should we stay out here? Miss Y/n’s pack member said it would be better to go in and help Namjoon? Three of us in Alpha space with an injured mate is not going to be easy,” Hoseok adds. 

Nibbling on his lower lip, Jimin thinks of ways to handle the situation. Even though he is one of the younger packmates, keeping the pack calm is his gift. 

He just doesn’t know how to handle you yet, especially since you don’t know what you mean to the pack.

“Good, at least three of you are here, and I assume the rest have made their way into the room with Miss Y/n,” Manager Sejin says while walking up to the group. “I have spoken with Big Hit, the Director at Playmate Service Incorporated, and Dr. Blackwell. Everyone is onboard and the doctor is ready to go.”

“Relax and have fun? What does he mean by that?” You mumble as you glare at the now-closed door that one of your best friends just shut. 

He willingly left you with four Alpha male idols. 

Three of them are kneeling on the floor with non-human eyes, and the Prime Alpha, looking around the room like the way to explain what's happening is painted on the walls.

Taking a breath, you say, “Mr. Kim, Prime Alpha… Sir. Derek is right. I have no actual experience with Alphas. I can tell that there must be some kind of instinctual drive going on, and there are trigger words or actions.”

“I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. What do I do to make it easier for your pack?” you question.

At your words, the kneeling Alphas gave a multitude of pleasant chirps because you may not consciously know what to do but you are still acting like a baby mate. You looked at the three of them, a little confused. They seemingly smiled and made almost the same sound as when you said that.

Okay, so they can growl and chirp. Your curiosity spikes when you think of what other animal-like sounds they can make as hybrids.

Drawing your attention back to him, Namjoon finds the words to explain what is happening, “Miss Y/n, you have done so much to help the Bangtan Pack feel welcome today.”

With a gentle smile, he continues, “So please relax, you have not caused any trouble, and we highly doubt that you will.” 

He thought, ‘At least, not in the way you seem to be thinking.’

“Alpha’s run with a higher level of instinct than your Beta pack member. As an Alpha, Yoongi-hyung instinctually feels responsible for your injury. In order to calm that instinct, a few things will most likely need to happen.” Watching you sit up with interest, he continues, “First things first, he and his Alpha need to get at least your injury treated.”

“He has to be the one to take me to get it treated?” You start to ramble with concern, “I can’t have him go with me to the clinic! There are fans and sasaengs and the media! What about your schedule? You always hear about the tight schedules Idols have and you have already spent all afternoon here over this.”

You start panicking about the hordes of people you hear about following the band around. God, the amount of bad publicity would come from catching you and THE Suga of BTS at a clinic. You can’t imagine what nonsense they would come up with?

Your scent goes into an even heavier version; it takes on an almost alcoholic aspect. The kneeling Alphas instinctually send out calming pheromones while moving closer. 

Yoongi’s tail, still wrapped around your ankle, tightens while he gently rubs the back of your injured hand, which he is cradling protectively. He wiggles forward an inch or two to ensure you realize he is still there and isn’t going anywhere.

Taehyung starts to purr softly but loud enough for you to at least hear it. His mates have always found ease in their emotions and pain with his purring, so he hopes the sound will comfort you similarly.

Jungkook, running on instinct alone, scoots up to your left side, nudges his head under your left hand, and rests on your leg. Touch and cuddling are strong hybrid traits that naturally bring peace to most, and being a bunny hybrid, Jungkook loves to share his cuddles more than the others.

The feeling of Jungkook’s head on your leg snaps you out of your thoughts and brings you back into the room. You hold still as you start to recognize similar comforting behaviors the Alphas are doing with those that Evie always does, allowing you to take a deep breath.

“Sorry. I was raised to take care of myself and not impose on others,” you softly say.

“Miss Y/n, you are not imposing. Again, Yoongi-hyung ran into you while rushing out of the room, and it's his responsibility to make amends. Actually, as a bonded pack, it is our responsibility, too,” explains Namjoon.

“The pack? Like all of you? Is this why they are all like this, with their eyes and stuff?” you question with a scrunched face.

Absent-mindedly, you run your fingers through Jungkook’s hair, softly scratching his scalp, soothing not only yourself but also the youngest Alpha. 

A soft chuckle escapes Namjoon as he watches your instinctual interactions with the youngest mate. He answers, “Yes, that is the best way to explain the eyes and stuff, as you put it.”

“Jungkook-ah and Taehyung-ah will find it easier to leave their Alpha Space since they are not the ones responsible for the injury but trying to be supportive to both of you,” informs the Prime Alpha as you nod in understanding, which he thinks is you not really understanding but just going along with it.

Hearing a knock on the door, he calls, “Who is it?”

“Namjoon-ssi, it's Manager Sejin. I have some updates and a few questions. Can I enter?” a voice calls as the door opens slightly to reveal it’s him. 

At Namjoon's nod, he enters. The door remains open as the scents in the room are constricting in their density. He is followed by the rest of the pack, who take up guarding now from inside. With the mixed emotions in the scent-filled room, the Alphas worry that it will reach other hybrids who will come to investigate.

“Did you contact everyone?” asks Namjoon.

“Big Hit and the Corporate Director are on the same page and will follow the hybrid protocol, but details must be discussed once Miss Y/n has met with the doctor,” Manager Sejin reports to the Prime Alpha.

Moving to look at you, he continues, “I contacted Dr. Blackwell, thinking you may be more comfortable with a female doctor. We have her on retainer to work with some of the female back up dancers on the tour as well as the pack.” 

He glances at the boys surrounding you closely, noting the change in their eyes; his scent changes with curiosity. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Namjoon. With a subtle nod, he confirms that something more is happening but does not move to explain.

Looking back at you, he gently smiles, “With the situation at hand, it may be best to limit other males around you until everyone is out of Alpha space. They tend to get territorial. Dr. Blackwell is on standby, ready to assess and treat you once we know where you will be.”

You look at the manager like he is missing something, or maybe you are as you question, “Why wouldn’t she just come here, or I go to her?”

“Miss Y/n, Dr. Blackwell is a traveling physician. She doesn’t have a permanent office to use but she is well respected in both the human and hybrid communities.”

“Oh, I see. Well, umm…” you look at Namjoon and ask, “What option would be best for your pack?”

Namjoon’s chest puffs slightly at your show of respect to him as the Pack Prime Alpha despite the situation and your pain level. “Not to make you uncomfortable, Miss Y/n, but I think meeting Dr. Blackwell at our Airbnb would be best,” he answers.

You take a moment to think, your hand pulsing with pain now that the adrenaline is starting to wear off. They cannot all fit in your flat. Heck, it's barely big enough for you, Evie, and Derek to hang out in; plus, it's a mess after you tore through your closet to find the right clothes for today.

If the growls were any indication, they didn’t seem to like being at PMS. Instinctually, even Derek and Evie prefer being in their dens when one of the three of you is hurt or sick. Making your decision, you look at the manager and then Namjoon. “Okay. If it is best for the pack, I will go with you to the Airbnb to see Dr. Blackwell.” 

It’s almost as if a weight is lifted out of the room, allowing the pack to take a breath. 

“Alphas Yoon, Kook, and Tae. Can you give Miss Y/n some room? We have to take her to the pack house to see a doctor,” Namjoon says with a firm voice, gaining smiles from the men kneeling on the floor. 

Jungkook stands, quickly moving and curling into the Prime Alpha, his eyes returning to their natural color. Namjoon rubs his back, scenting him lightly to show his pride in the youngest Alpha’s actions to help soothe the baby mate.

Taehyung rocks back on his heels but remains close to you as his purring stops. His body is more relaxed, but his eyes are still crystal blue, shifting between Yoongi and you in wait.

After watching the two younger Alphas move around, your attention turns to the black jaguar kneeling with expectant, questioning eyes. He still cradles your hand as if it were his most precious possession, and his tail hasn’t moved from its coil around your ankle.

You tentatively ask, “Mr. Min, if I promise that you can stay with me, will you let me go get my things, and then you can take me to your pack house?”

Yoongi’s face lights up with a gummy smile as he nods. Your breath hitches at the sight. How can the devastatingly rogue-like handsome rapper look so adorable?

He stands up, his tail unwrapping from your leg. He softly takes both of your hands while he assists you in standing. You smile and mumble a small thanks as you step forward to leave but pause, turning to Namjoon.

“Prime Alpha, do you think I can talk with Derek briefly to let him know what is happening? This way, he can talk to the direc… Boss. Talk to the boss and let him know that I am leaving for the day?” you ask, but your voice is firm as if you were telling the Prime Alpha what needs to happen without blatantly taking control of the situation.

“Yes, talking to him will be fine. He has been established as part of your familial pack and won’t be considered a threat to the pack if he comes around you now,” Namjoon answers, moving out of your way and motioning for the rest to let you pass.

Bowing slightly, “Thank you, Prime Alpha.”

Making it to your desk is apparently more complicated than one would think. 

Yoongi won’t leave your right side, while Taehyung won’t leave your left. Both act like it's code red, and someone is trying to assassinate you. Then, the rest of BTS trails behind like some kind of posse. 

You keep your head down to avoid any strange looks or glares from whomever you pass. To your relief, you find Derek waiting at your desk with his head resting on his palms and a mischievous smile. 

“I see you are taking things in stride,” glancing at your plethora of bodyguards. “Did the Prime Alpha explain everything to you?”

Speaking up from the back of the group, Namjoon answers for you: “She is aware that we are responsible for her at this time, and she will be treated by our doctor at our temporary pack house.”

You don’t miss Derek's look of concern as he tilts his head with curiosity at Namjoon. “I see, of course. You are just responsible for getting her treated. Hybrid customs and all.”

“Derek, can you please let the big boss know that I will be leaving with Bangtan Pack to seek medical care and once I have more updates, I will let you both know?” 

Glancing at Yoongi and still seeing his lovely golden-yellow eyes, you try to ignore the slight flutter in your stomach, “I don’t think it would be good for me to talk with him myself right now.”

Derek nods in response, “Manager Sejin has already given the boss a rough time frame for the near future. I suppose his managing skills came in handy. Don’t worry about us here, we will get a temp while you heal.”

Standing up, Derek passes you your purse, which Taehyung takes. You try to grab it again, but only to have a black and white tail wrap around your arm and bring it back down to your side.

“No carry. Keep safe.” Taehyung almost grunts out in a deeper-than-deep voice, which short-circuits your brain. You knew he was the deep voice of the group, but that was not his singing voice.

Glancing at Derek out of the side of your eye, you see him briefly nod and smile encouragingly while he whispers, “It’s an Alpha Space thing. Best acknowledge his help.”

“Umm… Th-tha-hank you, Alpha,” you stammer out, willing the heat creeping up your neck to stop as your words pull a boxy grin from the Tiger hybrid.

“I think that is it,” you announce to nobody in particular. You smile awkwardly at Derek as he seemingly takes you in like he has never seen you before.

“Y/n, you have been through so much. Not just today but in your life. You have always been the one to take the blame for others, working harder or longer than anyone else and caring for those who never return the favor,” he says, his eyes glance at the men surrounding you as he sees nods of understanding and looks of concern from them.

As a soft smile blooms on his face, he holds onto your good hand, “Take time for yourself and let this pack of Alphas take care of you. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”

He pulls you into a hug. You briefly stiffen, waiting for the growling and pulling to start, but to your surprise, it doesn't. Relaxing into his hug, you take his words to heart.

A soft whisper in your ear: “You know you will always have Evie and me as your family pack, but right now, be open to the pack around you. " With one last squeeze, Derek steps back and returns to your desk. "Now, shoo! Off you go. The boss said I’ll get to man the front desk for now.”

With a nod, you wave goodbye and face the hybrids behind you. After not finding Manager Sejin and a few others missing, your eyes settle automatically on Namjoon. With a slight frown, you wait for a clue as to what to do next.

“Manager Sejin went down to get the cars. Seokjin-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, and Jimin-ah also went down because we won’t all fit in the elevator,” reassures Namjoon.

“Oh,” you feel a slight tightening in your chest after realizing you didn’t even notice they had gone.

“Miss Y/n, let's take you to get looked at,” Jungkook says while inching towards the office doors. His Alpha wanting to get you away from the hallway that leads to the offices where he knows the Playmates who hurt you are being kept.

You follow the bunny and wolf hybrid while still sandwiched between the tiger and jaguar hybrids. Walking through the halls, you gain some attention from the people you pass. You’re a mere human surrounded by some of the hottest Idols in the world right now. So why wouldn’t they?

Not willing to look up, you keep your eyes cast down to the feet in front of you as you try to avoid what you are a gazillion percent sure are looks of disgust and hate toward you. Normally, you can walk the halls without drawing attention unless Reina is around. While Reina made sure everyone noticed you in a negative way, you fail to notice the glaring looks of the Alphas surrounding you, which has silenced most of the current gossiping.

Once the elevator doors open, the tiger lets out a low growl. Glancing up, you see two fellow PMS employees quickly scamper out of the elevator and down the hall. Well, that is another embarrassing incident that you will have to deal with when you return to work.

Namjoon and Jungkook take the back corners. Looking at the men by your sides, they motion for you into the elevator next. However, when you go to stand in another corner, you are quickly ushered back into the middle with Yoongi and Taehyung in front of you. 

The tense energy calms down as the doors close. The threats in the hallway, the Playmate enemies, and the bumbling director are no longer a concern. The four Alphas relax now that they are the only ones to surround you and are taking care of you. 

Even if your trust in them starts with an injury, they know this is their chance to show you what it means to be taken care of, acknowledged as precious, and loved endlessly by the seven of them. 

As the elevator doors part, you're immediately greeted by the remaining packmates waiting for you, smiles warm and welcoming. They're surrounded by more men in black, whom you assume are bodyguards. The sheer amount of people outside the elevator is a bit intimidating.

Turning to look at you, Yoongi speaks for the first time since he entered Alpha Space, “Take home. Keep safe.”

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[onlinedolly]

A BOXER AND AN ARTIST

(title subject to change)

au where vi is a boxer and reader is an artist with a boyfriend

no cws i don’t think? maybe a little violence but mostly fluff/build up!

an: as always if you are under 18 please do not interact with my content or my account! this is loosely proof read as i have covid and im dying so bare with me. this will be multiple parts i would like so yay!

chapter one: a fight

this wasn’t your scene.

the room was loud, crowded with drunk people, as your friend drug you up to the front to get a good spot. you aren’t really sure how you ended up here. a hasty discussion about how you need to get out more and now you were on a bad side of town with your friend promising you you’ll have a good time.

“c’mon just give it a shot,” she whines, pulling at your arm.

“fighting? i dunno, i’m kind of ready to go.” you speak meekly, leaning into her to get away from the drunk couple next to you.

“it’s not like anyone gets really hurt,” she rolls her eyes, pulling you forward so your front and center, “ain’t all this shit fake anyway?”

you shrug, not really knowing the answer, as you take a look around. you stood up high, overlooking a large circular pit that sat empty for now. you felt nervous, a pit in the back of your throat you couldn’t quite swallow down. you should be at home studying, working on a painting, anything. this wasn’t your scene, you didn’t go out, and certainly not to places like this. what would your boyfriend think?

the crowd begins cheering loudly, you cover your ears to shield yourself from their screams as you watch the fighters come out. on one end is a large man with tattoos covering a majority of his body. he was built and tall and the thought of whoever had to fight him made you shake nervously. you look to the other end a see a woman. a bit bewildered at the sight, you lean forward, placing your hands against the edge of the pit as you look at her. her hair was slick black with red tips, tattoos covering the expanse of her back, and all you could wonder is how in the world she was going to beat this guy?

“i don’t feel comfortable watching this,” you mumble to your friend, she’s buzzing at the sight, all adrenaline as she watches the scene unfold.

“i told you it’s fake.” she rolls her eyes, leaning into you.

“doesn’t look fake.” you mumble again, crossing your arms over your chest.

-

vi wasn’t nervous, never been the type to be that. she was all confidence and cocky as she stepped into the ring. she overlooked the man and smirked, the same man she’d beat up in prison. this would be a breeze.

vi had a lot of anger sitting deep inside her chest, she could feel it bubbling up as she thinks of cait as she thinks of powder. and she’s ready to fight. she looks around the crowd, like she always does, and she thinks maybe she’s subconsciously looking for cait or for her sister. she doesn’t spot them in the crowd as she scans it, a bunch of faces blur together as they scream and chant different names. of course they wouldn’t be here, she thought. why would they?

vi cracks her knuckles as she gives the crowd one more look over, and that’s when she notices *you.* you looked timid and scared and she wondered if this was a place for you at all. you were dressed in a pretty pink outfit, leaned against the pit with fear radiating from you as she furrowed her brows in confusion. she was used to seeing all kind of people here, but those people were usually tough, covered in tattoos and piercings and holding drinks in their hand that had no doubt already worked their way into their system. but you looked sober and doe eyed as you watched the scene unfold in front of you and she couldn’t help but think about how your friend more then likely dragged you here. this didn’t look like your scene, you were clean cut, looked like you came from the good side of town as she shook her head and laughed a bit.

the bell goes off as the crowd cheers and vi is immediately zoned in, she can feel your eyes on her as she approaches the large man in front of her.

-

oh my god.

she was going to fight this man.

you were shaking at this point, as your friend yanks on your arm in excitement, you watch the woman walk up towards the man cocky as ever. and you can’t even blink before she’s laying a blow against his cheek sending him fumbling back. you gasp at the sudden blow, cheers fill the air as you stumble around in the crowd. you watch as she punches again, and again, and again not even letting the guy come close to getting a blow in. but finally he does, and you grimace as you swear you hear cracking echo against the pit walls.

“i thought you said this was fake,” you gasp out in horror, watching the scene unfold before you.

“thought it was.” your friend shrugs, watching in excitement.

-

vi wasn’t one to back down after one hit, not when she was so close to winning, she lands a blow into the guys gut relishing in the way he stumbles back before falling. all of her anger, against cait, against powder, bubbles to the surface as she fights. each blow full of suppressed anger and pure aggression and she wonders for a second if you’re still watching. all doe eyed and scared, she didn’t know why she was thinking that as her arm is raised in the air, claiming another victory under her belt.

-

you stare in disbelief at the fact that she just *won.* blinking a couple times before your friend is pulling at your arm again, rambling on about being quick so you can meet the winner.

“i don’t wanna do that, i wanna leave.” you pull back, resisting her tugs. but you had learned a long time ago how you’re friend was good about getting her way, so you don’t put up too much resistance as you follow her with an eye roll.

she drags you until your running down stairs, a group of girls also in tow behind you, fangirling over the woman who won. the woman who’s name was vi. vi? you pondered, could that be short for something? vivian? violet?

you didn’t have much time to think on that as your friend leads you through a set of grimy double doors, the girls behind you pushing you through until you all gathered at a entryway leading into what you assumed was the pit.

“i don’t think this a good idea,” you whispered, pulling on your friends sleeve, “these people are scary.” you say low enough that the group of girls behind you can’t hear.

“oh live a little, yeah? at least stay here so i can see her walk out.” she wraps an arm around you, locking you in place and you just stay there, waiting. it took about ten minutes before you saw people emerge from the entry way.

a large man first, all scruffy and built with a beard and a name tag that read “vander.” then next was *her*, same slick black hair and tattoos only now paired with a busted nose and bandages around her chest soaked in blood you could only presume wasn’t hers. she smirked at the crowd, and you could see this probably wasn’t anything new, as she chatted with a couple of girls like she knew them.

“you’re new.” she startled you as she spoke, eyes trained on you, your height making it so she had to angle herself down, “both of you.”

she kept looking at you as she addressed both of you standing there, your friend (oblivious as always) begins rattling off her name and how great vi did at the fight, and all vi could do was stare at you. she looked at you in a way that made you nervous, you shifted your weight between your feet.

“and what’s your name, cupcake?” she speaks out, looking you up and down.

you answer back shyly, feeling intimidated under her gaze.

“that’s cute.” she speaks out, placing a hand on her hip as she ignores the other group of girls as they pine for attention. you weren’t really sure why she was so locked in on you, never letting her eyes advert once and she keeps that same shit eating smirk plastered across her face. “ain’t see you here before, cupcake.”

“i dragged her out!” your friend interjects, squeezing you tightly into her side with her arm wrapped around you. “gotta get this one outta the house or away from the boyfriend once in a while, yknow?”

“boyfriend?” vi quips her eyebrow at that, looking at expectantly.

this all felt too much, you could’ve spent your night how you preferred it — alone. maybe painting, or studying, or video calling your boyfriend. not here on the wrong side of town talking to a woman who could kill you if she really tried. you nod your head, shyly again.

“and where is he tonight?” she spoke cockily, leaning forward a bit and it really put your height difference in perspective as you had to lean back to keep eye contact with her.

“oh he’s out of the country, big fancy art school out east.” your friend answers for you, matter of factly. your friend was more interested in talk to vi, so why couldn’t she redirect her attention to her? away from you? this all felt suffocating.

“art school, huh?” she laughed at that, and you didn’t know whether or not to feel offended. “how bout you? you an artist?”

“yeah.” you spoke out softly.

“interesting. well, i gotta go. but i’ll see you around cupcake, kay?” she leans up the ruffle your hair and you almost gasp at the contact, her hand is rough and the movement is hard as she messes your hair up. you can feel the women behind you seethe in jealously as vi walks away and you just remain there stunned at the conversation.

would you ever see her again? you really hoped you didn’t.

[anki-of-beleriand]

A heart Made of Glass ch. 13

Summary: Ten years ago you left Wanda and the Avengers to heal your broken heart. You never stopped being a hero, just as you never stopped being in love with her. But life had to go on.

Now, after all that time, she is back and with her is a young woman needing help and an enemy that may not be as afraid as Wanda to lay a claim on you.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Powered!F!Reader - Scarlet Witch x PoweredF!Reader - Past Wanda Maximoff x Vision

Warnings: Angst, drama, mentions of cheating, fluff, violence, smut, Switch!Reader, internalize homophobia, hurt, comfort, Wanda being a complete mess, anger management issues, jealousy, Requited/Unrequited love, idiots in love, swearing, mentions of alcohol. More tags as the story progess.

Author's Note: This story is a continuation of Dirty Little Secret I was really surprised at the response I got for the story, I did all the tags you guys ask for but if I forgot someone please do not hesitate to tell me. Thank you for the support.

Oh, I am back and this chapter is a wrap-up for the confrontation between Reader and Wanda. They had been given a moment of solitude before going back to their own reality, can they really get past through everyting that happened to them in the past?

Please, do remember English is no my mother tongue so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Epilogue

Chapter 13

Can we change the past?

You never imagined this ordeal would end in the way it did.

The universe you left behind came crumbling down under the weight of its own shaky foundations, it became a cold unfitting world that disappear the moment you and the others touched the land of another Universe.

Everything was kind of blurry from the on.

You knew Wanda was taken away, and soon after you were also being carried to a room in which you lost consciousness after your body finally gave up. Your mind didn’t have the time to think about what had happened or what would happen after you were completely recover. You let things happened, and in that time you gave yourself to a blissful mindfulness in which you knew, sooner or later, you would need to face everything you had been running from.

It soon became evident that time was running out, with people coming in and out of your room checking over your physical and mental well-being before asking uneasy questions. Sometimes you would evade those questions, and some others you would give vague answers that would tell the others you were no fool.

You stretched out grasping thin air in your fist, tilting your head you started making a small sequence of Tai Chi you had learnt from Yelena. After more than a week of being in the hospital, you were finally able to feel your body as yours again. Your muscles flexed, and the shadows under your feet stirred with the silent command of your thoughts. You smiled glancing at your reflection through the window, everything was working just fine and you knew you were ready to go back home.

The door behind you cracked, and the knob turned to the left revealing the single figure of Doctor Jean Grey. The woman was beautiful, and her smile was infectious always putting your mind at ease.

“Hello, Y/N, how are you this morning?”

“Doc, I’m doing better now, thank you.” You spined around slowly, the shadows wavering around until they covered your feet, your smile grew cocking your head to follow the lead of your left arm then your right one.

“I certainly felt much better now.”

“I can see that.” The woman smile stepping closer to your bed while placing a single file on the breakfast table.

“Tell me you cam here with good news.”

Jean offered a single smile while taking a seat, she sat waiting for you to settle down on the bed. The room soon filled with silence that was only broken by the busy morning routine right outside your room. You had learnt your room was in one of the busiest wings in the hospital back in the Tower. Wanda had not been that lucky, though.

“Well, I do come with news, if they are good or not depend entirely on you.” Jean could see the change in you, even through the easy smile you wore the young doctor could see you were being overly cautious.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

Doctor Jean Gray sauntered inside the room with a light blush on her cheeks. Her eyes twinkling merrily glancing at the chart in her hands before settling then on you.

For some reason, the reaction of the woman made you squirm uncomfortably. You had been in this universe for two days now, but it wasn't until now that you were forced to go inside the examination room and get yourself a quick check-up. It was quite evident that in this world mutants and superpowered individuals were treated differently, and the rules governing each one of them were set to get control on the population. 

“You seemed rather chirp today, Doc, good news for you or me?”

Jean chuckled, placing the chart on the bed before putting a chair close to the bed.

“It's my anniversary, and I received quite the news today.” She stated tilting her head, you smiled back at her.

“Congratulations, then.” 

Jean nodded, putting a strand of hair out of her face, “thank you.”

“So that would be for you, what about me?” You finally asked leaning forward, your eyes drifting to the chart in your bed.

“Everything seems to be okay.”

“But…?” You arched a brow when Jean leaned back on the chair offering a serious facade.

“You had been quite silent in the last couple of days, keeping yourself out of everyone's way and most importantly,” here Jean stopped as if measuring her words, “your avoidance of your particular predicament has raised some concerns on our end.”

Silence followed such a declaration, you dared to lock eyes with the woman sitting in front of you well-aware of her ability to read beyond your initial thoughts. Jean didn't move nor did she give any indication of breaking into small talk, I stead she seemed to sit there and wait patiently for you to speak.

“I’m not sure I want to have this conversation.” You sighed, lifting a hand to the back of your head, scratching the nape of your neck. “But I guess it is inevitable.”

“It is.” Jean softened her features, grabbing the file she left on your bed, she opened it in a single page while presenting the form to you.

“How…how is she?” Your voice was above a whisper, but it was loud enough for Jean to hear it.

The woman leaned back letting you read the file while she started talking. 

“She is doing better now, trying to recover her magical core had been quite the challenge but our own team of witches and healers had come together to help around.” 

There was nothing much you could do but nod, your eyes drifted to the file with your thoughts trying to focus on a single issue at a time. Ever since the five of you got to that universe everything had been but a blur; your Wanda was taken straight to the hospital and she had been looked after Tony's team back in the Avengers Tower. 

“That's good.”

“I just want to do one last check-up before clearing you up, America has been waiting for you and the twins are very excited as well.” Jean chuckled, standing up making her way to the closest drawer and putting some surgical gloves out. “They seemed to think that having a pair of moms at their disposal would give them some kind of advantage in their mischief.”

You tried to hide your expression from the other woman, but it was inevitable. Jean offered a sympathetic smile while getting to work. 

“They are just children…” you mumbled feeling your body warm up, your muscles twitching just as Jean started testing your reflex. “I don't think they understand that much.”

“Mm, you would be surprised how much Billy and Tommy understand about the situation.” Jean leaned back, lifting her left hand and letting it hover right on top of your forehead. “They are pretty smart, and sensitive.”

You pressed your lips together not wanting to go into a discussion. Not that you could raise any arguments against that statement, you had noticed just how sensitive they were and how smart they were. They had come that first time into your room calling you mom without a care in the world, telling you about their day while also making you aware of how they had sneaked in to see you and Wanda.

Your counterpart had been amused by your reaction, while her Wanda had been just a tad bit concerned about the confusion the whole situation could create in the children. 

“If I were to be honest, you look more confused than them.”

“You told me you don't read minds unless you have permission.” You replied furrowing your brows, Jean had the sense of looking embarrassed but never lost her smile when looking back at you.

“You kind of scream that thought at me, sometimes it is inevitable.”

Jean then leaned back, grabbing your file and writing some notes down. 

“I think you're ready to go.” Jean cocked her head when the first thing you did was jump down the bed and go to the closest chair holding your clothes. “But Wanda…”

You winced, grabbing your clothes tightly before turning around, this time around Jean was looking serious, her eyes gleaming lightly.

“What about Wanda?”

The silence grew around the both of you, your body was already tensing the muscles you would need to run. Jean opened her mouth only to close it again as if she didn't know what to say or how to say it. 

“I think you should visit her, it can make a difference in her recovery.”

At the end of the day, this last visit from Jean Grey was just that, another attempt from these people to go to Wanda and make sure she was okay. For you to stop running and face her taking ownership of what would happen next.

It was complicated.

And you were unsure as to how to proceed or what was expected of you.

“Look, I just…”

“MOM!!!!”

Not sooner had you heard such a scream, you found yourself being tackled by a pair of bouncing kids. Your heart skipped a beat with your arms lifted at your shoulders height while the kids had their faces up to look at you with toothy grins. They were quite adorable, and in reality a part of you seemed to just instantly loved them, noticing the likeness they had to Wanda and yourself.

“Okay, guys let’s back up a little, remember what we talked to you about?” 

The room was suddenly very crowded, your counterpart came right in followed by America and Pietro. It became quite apparent that everyone was waiting for Jean to finish her last check-up on you before getting into the room and see how you were doing. You placed your hands on the twin’s heads ruffling their hair playfully while offering a tentative smile. 

“That’s okay, I’m getting used to the enthusiastic greeting.”

“And them calling you mom?” Pietro inquired, quaking his brow while placing his hands in his pockets.

You couldn’t help the little wince, recoiling from the comment with your body turning to the chair and grabbing your clothes once more. Billy and Tommy glanced at one another, with Billy opening his eyes really big while making a gesture with his head. 

“Anyway, I’m just glad to know your good to go, because I was thinking we can go right ahead and get a look around and perhaps…” America started babbling making her way to your bed.

You nodded absentmindedly, your attention drifting for a moment to your counterpart and Jean that had decided to step out of the room to have a small conversation. You couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was going on, and what they were discussing with your thoughts going over and over to the woman that was still unconscious somewhere inside the building. 

Everything was strange in this universe. 

A part of you knew that sooner or later the conversation of Wanda and you going back to your respective reality would come; but it was quite evident everyone was waiting for the right moment to intervene and perhaps get something done. 

“Well, I think you better change so we can get out of here,” Pietro broke your line of thoughts, his eyes gleaming mischievously with his lips curling into a familiar expression. “Billy and Tommy prepare something for you, and I bet you are dying to eat something that isn’t hospital food.”

“You are completely right on that one, I’m going to change and then…you guys can show me a good time.”

You offered a tentative smile, your heart dropping for a moment when the twins cheered babbling non-stop to America and Pietro. For a brief moment you wondered…

…was this what you were missing back home?

_______________

You had been welcomed inside the household of your counterpart. 

This time around, the guest room had been prepared and you could enjoy the joys of a soft bed and a nice view of the backyard while trying to get some sleep. The day had been quite unexpected, with the twins and America being active participants in different forms of conversations and different sets of games and rambles that you were not prepared to share with these people.

You had tried to get away from it, but Billy and Tommy were very adamant on having you close and including you in every single moment of their afternoon. You didn’t fight too hard to not be there, though. After a while you realised Wanda would not be joining the family outing and actually your counterpart ended up being just a good source of geek material that differed from the one you had in your own world. 

Not for a single moment did anyone mention the white elephant in the room.

And for that you were quite grateful.

But now, in the middle of the night with the stars twinkling above your head and everyone sleeping in the house you couldn't help but think about it. Time was running out, sooner or later you would need to go back and face the consequences of what happened back in Norway and in that other universe. 

Sooner or later you would need to face Wanda once more.

“It is pretty late for you to be thinking so loud.” 

You kept your attention on the stars, the room was completely dark which was one of the reasons as to why you knew she had come home already. The young woman took a few steps forward until she was standing beside you, her face turned to the sky with her arms hugging her tightly.

“I just couldn’t go back to sleep.” You shrugged leaning against the wall, your head tilted to the side. “It was quite an exciting day, I think I’m still in a sugar rush.”

Wanda chuckled, lowering her head, her eyes gleaming lightly, turning her attention to you.

“So I heard. The twins really took you everywhere and made sure you taste everything back in the restaurant, didn’t they?”

Your face fell when the memories of that day came back, the twins had never left your side while telling you stories about their adventures. Not for a single moment did they think or even entertained the idea of them not being part of your life in your other world. For them it had been natural to make sure that you and Wanda did not forget about them. That was one of the reasons why it had been a shock for them to find out you and they didn’t know about that restaurant.

“You should tell our other selves about this place, mom! I know they will love it!”

“Yeah, we love it, and you love bringing us here!”

It still burnt that this life was not yours, but there was nothing you could do. 

Wanda could read your thoughts; she could sense your pain and it was something she couldn’t take. Not with you. Wanda dropped her arms, stepping closer to you. Her hand felt warm on your face, brushing away your hair and mapping out the form of your jaw. It was so unexpected you couldn’t help but freeze in place the tension evident in the contraction of your muscles, your left foot stepping back and stopping waiting for the other foot to join. It didn’t happen, though, you stood there waiting for something else to happen. 

“They are good kids.” Your voice trembled at the very end of that sentence, but your eyes never waver in their hold of those green irises.

“They are. They are very much your children as much as they are mine.” Wanda offered a timid smile that soon vanished, whatever hold she had on you broke and the young woman turned around as if ready to leave. 

The tension in your body didn’t leave, and your mind was poking at you uncomfortably pressing over for you to speak. To say something, to ask the question you were dying to ask but didn’t dare to do so. It looked as if nothing else was going to be said that day, as if nothing else was going to happen and you were trying to get a hold of your beating heart when Wanda stopped by the door turning to the side and locking her eyes with yours.

“You will need to face her sooner or later, Y/N.” Wanda let her words sink in, her eyes softening lightly when she could sense the conflict inside of you. 

“Do I have to?” The question left your lips before you could stop it, Wanda lifted her shoulder stepping back. 

“I think you know the answer to that question,” she stated letting out a tired yawn, “what you really need to ask yourself, though is what would happen if that confrontation doesn’t come the way you expect it to be? What if it becomes everything you thought impossible with her? Are you ready to face that conversation? Are you ready to make a decision for you and her?”

You hated the fact this Wanda was so insightful and you hated even more that she was right. That was the real reason as to why you couldn’t sleep, as to why you were trying to bury your emotions and your memories, while also running away from what you were experimenting with. Of the changes that had come knocking on your door all those months ago.

“Have a good night, Y/N, rest and follow your instincts on this one because they…” Wanda left the sentence in the air, and it was you the one to finish it.

“They had never failed me.”

There was a flash of a smile and then Wanda left, closing the door behind her. 

___________________

But trying to follow your instincts was easier said than done.

A part of you knew the meeting was inevitable, after all, the both of you needed to go back to your respective Universe and this would never happen if you two kept on avoiding one another. But then, there was another part, the one you had been carrying with you for far too long, that was afraid of a confrontation that might broke your heart all over again.  

You played with time for as long as you could, taking advantage of Tony’s curiosity and Loki’s infinite questions. You became very helpful of Wong and Hank’s questions, and you couldn’t help but give in the twin’s whims every night before going to bed. Nevertheless, you had the days count on that universe, and it wasn’t as if you really wished to stay. You missed home, and you missed your friends and family; but the final step to get everything ready to go back was something you had never felt ready to do.

On the fifth morning you woke up on a guest room, you knew you couldn't run anymore. America had finished her breakfast and Y/N was reading the paper, no one did or said anything for a moment until you sat at the table with the coffee warming up the mug in your hands.

“Wanda is fully recovered.” Your counterpart stated, never leaving her eyes from the page she was reading, “she is confused, a little weak but ready to talk and go back home.”

“Talk?” You asked a little harsher than you were meant to.

Y/N lifted a single brow, her lips pursing tightly.

“With you.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but a kick on your leg made you stop. America was glaring at you, her head shaking slightly opening her eyes and glancing meaningfully at your counterpart.

“I know, I just…”

Y/N sighed, closing the paper and placing it slowly on the counter. Her eyes pierced you with a gaze filled with emotion, you shifted on the chair trying to look away but unable to do so.

“Whether you want it or not, you will need to have this confrontation. Whatever you are afraid of facing…I think you should get your shit together and face it right away. You are running out of time, and excuses.”

Your counterpart finished her tirade with a slap to the table, shaking her head as she stood up and left the kitchen. You cocked your head until you found America glancing at you.

“I guess there is no running from this, is it?”

America shrugged, biting her lower lip, “I guess not.”

You lowered your eyes to the counter before lifting them to ensure America was paying attention to you.

“Once this is over, are you staying or are you coming back with us?” The question caught her off of guard, America was looking shocked and her mouth tried to form a specific thought but was unable to respond right away.

You chuckled standing up, your hand on her shoulder.

“You would be more than welcome back home, but I know you missed this place greatly.” You squeezed her shoulder before walking away, a single wall of dark shadows spreading before you. “Think about it, America, I'll be back in a few hours and we will talk about me and Wanda going back home.”

“I will think about it.” America mumbled offering a half smile. “Good luck.”

You winked at her trying to show more confidence than you actually felt before crossing over the shadows and disappearing into them. The trip was short, with the shadows embracing you with a cold hold leading through the space until you stepped inside a dimly lit hall.

The place was completely silent, though you could make out the sound of chatter in the distance. You lowered your gaze to the floor, our ears twitching lightly ignoring the rest of the sounds and focusing on your heartbeat.

The last couple of months have been a complete rollercoaster for you. You never imagined, even in your wildest dreams, that Wanda would show at your doorstep with a young woman asking for help. For a very long time, you had put in the back of your mind the confrontation with Wanda. A part of you knew it would come, eventually. But you never intended to be the one to take the first step for the meeting to happen.

When you got to see Wanda face to face, and actually talk to her, your world came crumbling down around you. The barriers you had built around your heart and mind ended up not being as strong and resilient as thought them to be. Your heart still missed a beat at the sound of her laughter, and your hardened façade went away as soon as you saw the suffering and the heartbreak in those green eyes.

Wanda would always be one of your greatest weaknesses. 

And you hated yourself for that.

It was as if your own suffering didn't matter, as long as Wanda was fine and didn't have to feel what you felt. Yet you refused to believe her words or even offer forgiveness for the wrong doings in the past. All of this came crashing down in a single meeting, all the doubts and pain came back, but also the yearning and the confusion you were threatening to overwhelm you and leave you without a way out. 

You took a deep breath, your hand running through your hair helping your uneasiness. You closed for a brief moment, and your mind went blank emptying any thoughts that might come in and make you falter in your actions. The last couple of days, and actually the last couple of months, you had thought about this moment; you had given yourself and her a chance to step aside and let the past in the past and for the both of you ready to face the present without thinking too much about the future.

The room was in complete darkness, the lights were out and the curtains were still closed. You could hear the monitor in the corner, the bed occupied the left side of the room leaving a big sofa and a couple of chairs on the right. Hanging from the wall you could see the TV that was huge enough to almost cover the wall, the only thing that prevented this from happening was the side door leading to the bathroom. Tony was really into luxury, you closed the door behind you a little unsure on how to proceed.

The tension around the room only increased when you felt a pair of eyes on you. It didn't take too long for you to know who it was, you stepped forward making your way to the curtains. 

“Would you mind if I open them up? I prefer the natural light of the day instead of the artificial ones.” You turned lightly, finally locking your eyes with those of Wanda.

Your Wanda.

“That's fine.” She replied, her voice was but a whisper but you could get the strong laced tone that Scarlet used whenever she talked to you.

The room changed under the light of the day, while there was not much sun the sky was cloudless and the position of the tower as well as the floor you two were currently in allowed for the perfect setting for natural light. You glanced around a city that was familiar yet strange, the weight of that stare didn't leave you, not even when you finally turned around to lock eyes with her.

“You look fine.” Wanda lowered her chin, her fingers twitching on top of the bed wanting to do or say something else but unsure where her relationship with you stood at the moment.

“I wasn't that badly injured, but I think I did need the rest.” You took a step forward, then another until you were actually standing beside Wanda.

Wanda hesitated for a moment before moving to the left, she chewed on her lower lip before patting the spot on the bed.

“You can sit here, if … if you want, there is also a chair and…” whatever else Wanda was going to say was cut off by you taking her initial offer of sitting on the bed.

Wanda felt her heart do somersaults, her body tingling at your closeness and the little voice she had come to recognize as Scarlet’s whispering to her telling her to close the distance, to grab your hand, to not let you go. But she held back knowing that her position was precarious at best and whatever you had come to discuss with her needed to be addressed first. 

“How are you?” You fixed your position on the bed, well aware that the only thing you needed was to lower your arm and your hand would be touching Wanda's one. 

“I'm better now, a little sore and getting use to…” here Wanda trailed off with her brows creasing a little, “to be complete, I guess. It's difficult, but I think I am ready.”

Her words held a decisive tone, but her eyes were flashing the doubts running inside her mind. You realised right there and then that nothing much had changed in the last couple of years, there were things you could still read about her. 

“Ready for what?” You asked quietly, Wanda sighed shrugging.

“Going back.” She replied simply. “Getting out of your way, out of your life…I did promise you after all of this was over I wouldn't bother you any more…”

Her words stung your heart, spreading an electrifying pain all through your body until it hit your brain. You didn't understand why, exactly. That had been the deal, to help her out and then get her out of your life. Then, if you knew what was going to happen, how it would end, why were you having these doubts? Why did it hurt?

Wanda was in her own thoughts, a part of her she had tried to suppress, the one she tried to deny stirred in anger. Wanda wanted to speak out, to tell you she didn't want to go and that she certainly didn't want to pretend nothing had happened in the last couple of months. That seeing you had been one of her greatest joys in life, but it had also brought pain and sadness, that being in this universe seeing the twins and facing what could have been…

Without really noticing, tears started falling rolling down her cheeks while her heart shrank with the weight of her emotions. Wanda refused to give in, her fists closing tightly and her tears breaking her composure and without really wanting to she finally broke in front of you.

You observed the full process, the way her face changed and the tears pilling up her eyes. Wanda was trying to bottle up whatever she was feeling, whatever she was thinking. It was so easy to ignore everything the other woman was experiencing; it was easy to hold onto your shared past. 

But this was Wanda.

And you couldn't ignore her. That was the reason why you had to disappear after the breakup.

With a tentative touch, you let your hand fall on top of hers. Your thumb drew circles before leaning in and wrapping her in a hug. Wanda held onto you, her sobs filling the room while her hands tried to grasp your clothes. You didn't say anything, but for some reason you could feel it.

The apology you never allowed her to share with you. The broken heart she had been wearing ever since that day. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry…”

Wanda cried and once she started she couldn't stop. Fixing your position on the bed you made sure she was comfortably resting her weight on your left side, putting comforting arms around her while soothing her body with sweet caresses you had dared to make in anyone but her.

Whatever conversation you were meant to have with her, whatever it was you had come to talk to her about soon crumbled under the pressure of her tears and your own feelings for her. 

And just like that, you knew you couldn't let her go.

Not without a real conversation.

And not without a fight.

______________________

Wanda was not completely sure when she fell asleep, but right now she was completely aware of being awake resting on top of you with the warmth and comfort of your presence soothing her soul.

Her body tensed right away, though soon she relaxed into the embrace having noticed your even breathing and the relaxed posture of your body. You had fallen asleep as well and, at some point the both of you had ended up sharing the small hospital bed without anyone coming over to interrupt that moment.

Wanda nuzzled her face against your neck, she wished this was something she would share with you every day. How she had missed waking up in your arms, to see your smile in the mornings and your hyperactive body demand for the morning routine. Everything was so messed up, and she didn't know when she allowed her world to crumble into nothingness.

Her heart trembled with emotion, and her thoughts formed an idea Wanda knew was not completely hers but a figment of Scarlet. 

You have to fight back! You need to get her back! You need to tell her everything we discovered! Everything we know!

Her voice was demanding, yet it held a hint of desperation that Wanda was familiar with. It was the same voice she had woken up to back in the battlefield after the snap, the same one she had heard countless of times whenever she thought about you or a way to recover her life. Everything had been so complicated, yet it could had been so easy to recover her life to actually try to make a change and reconcile with everyone.

There were no more tears in her eyes, and the sadness and sorrow she had lived with all her life was a burden she was tired to carry with her. With some reluctance, Wanda let go of you stirring in the bed while trying to be careful in her movements, she missed your closeness and the warm that your body had provided but it was time for her to stand up.

You need to fight for her, you cannot lose her. Not again.

The voice echoed inside her head, and Wanda knew this time around she couldn’t allow her fears to stop her from at least getting a chance to be your friend. With that thought in mind, Wanda stood on weakened feet gathering her strength before walking towards the closes wardrobe and grabbing some clothes. She gave you one last glance before making her way to the bathroom, she would need to get ready for what would come next.

It was the cold what wake you up.

The cold and the fact you missed the weight of someone resting on your left side, you sighed blinking owlishly while patting the side of the bed where you were pretty sure your companion had been resting. In those glorious moments between being awake and asleep, you were trying to grasp the reality of the woman you had been holding. Your memory groggily moving through the smell of her shampoo, and the softness of her skin and then…

You remembered.

Wanda had been crying, you had held her, you had fallen asleep…

You stood up so fast that you fell of the bed hitting your head against the night table, while hitting your ass on the ground.

“Ugh, fuck…”

“Are you…are you alright? What…did you fall off the bed?”

You wished you could hide, but instead of that you lifted your face to see Wanda standing by the bed trying to hold back her laughter just as her eyes gleamed with worry. You could sense the blush forming on your cheeks, while your whole body seemed to protest under the pain of the hits you got when falling.

“I…yes, I just…woke up too fast and…I fell off the bed.”

That was all that Wanda needed to start laughing, she couldn’t help herself. She had seen you woke up and then lose all control while getting your feet entangled on the sheets and falling on your ass. It had been funny, and the fact that you now looked all embarrassed and were pouting made for the scene not only something funny but quite adorable.

You huffed trying to stand up, rolling your eyes while the other woman held against the bed trying to control her laughter.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, little witch…” the nickname slipped your lips without giving it a second thought. That made the laughter died and once more the room was filled with a tension neither one of you were ready to maintain.

“I’m sorry it’s just…your face, and the way you fell, so full of grace…”

“I bet.” You rolled your eyes trying to check your head and body before settling your eyes on Wanda.

The young woman had put on some jeans and a white blouse, while her hair was still wet after the bath. You furrowed your brows looking away while catching the time on the clock on the wall. It was almost midday, which would explain why you were so hungry all of a sudden.

“I guess you really are feeling better.”

Wanda bounced lightly checking her hands and body, she wouldn’t say she felt better but she certainly was tired of being in bed while letting everyone come in and out to check her over. This world had a peculiar way to treat people with powers and having so many people with magical abilities come in and check her magical core had been extenuating and rather uncomfortable. The only time she had felt at ease had been with her counterpart, and that had been a whole different situation.

“I just need to get out of here.” Wanda finally revealed offering a half smile, “I heard from one of the nurses they have a nice restaurant right across the street, it has sandwiches and pizza…perhaps…”

You blinked a couple of times at the suggestion, your hand went right away to your pocket and your wallet. You hope the money you carried with you had some sort of value on this place, with a shrugged you nodded your agreement.

“Sounds like a plan. Lead the way, then.”

Wanda couldn’t hide her smile at the acceptance, she turned around and grabbing a jacket dragged you out of the room making her way directly to the elevator at the end of the hall. None of them noticed the camera watching their every move or the shadowy figure hidden in a close-by room. Your counterpart smirked shaking her head, she owed her wife a nice dinner. Wanda had always been right. Always.

In the security room, Wanda Maximoff allowed a tiny smile on her face, she lifted her stare to Tony and Loki, both of them shook their heads still slightly confused about the interaction.

“Now, what?” Tony finally asked staring at Wanda then at Loki.

“Now, we wait.” Loki replied waving away his hand. “For now, I think they are right, I’m starving and you ought to feed us, Stark.”

“Why is it always my responsibility?”

“You’re the one with money.” Loki replied ignoring the indignant huff coming from the older man, and the amused chuckled from Wanda.

_________________________

The restaurant was almost empty.

There were a few empty tables in the back, the one you chose was perfect for a nice conversation by hiding you two away from imprudent ears. The place was cosy, with decorations of blue and green creating a magical atmosphere with the dim lights around the establishment and the sweet aroma of spices that made you remembered home. You sat down facing Wanda who was looking troubled at the moment.

The waitress dedicated you a timid smile while putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Welcome to the Sandwich Emporium, what can I get you today?” Her question was directed at you, and her eyes never even bothered to look away as you grabbed the menu she was offering.

“I’m not sure, what do you recommend?” You glanced at the menu then back at Wanda, the redhead was glaring at the menu pursing her lips lightly while you merely frowned.

“Well, that depends on what are you looking for,” her tone of voice didn’t leave anything to the imagination, and you couldn’t help but raise a single eyebrow at that. The young woman opened her eyes wide blushing profusely. “I mean…I…”

“She is having La Tricolore and I’m having La Tartuffo.” Wanda point two pictures on the menu, before handing it over to the waitress, her eyes gleaming strangely while you just blinked slightly confused. “And I’m having some water, and she is having a cappuccino.”

“Very well, I’ll be right back.” The young woman left rather quickly, her ears burning red after having come across the redhead.

You had your eyebrows raised glancing over at Wanda who was trying rally hard to ignore you. After a moment she finally let out a heavy sigh, her head turned away from you.

“La Tricolore has beef, cheese, some hazelnuts, and that pistachio cream you…” here Wanda trailed off opening her eyes when she realized what she had done. “I’m sorry, I…”

“I like it, sounds delicious.” You placed your hands on the table not really bothered by what had happened but rather confused. “I’m surprised you remember.”

“I never forget.” Wanda brushed her hair away lifting her face to finally lock her eyes with yours. “I always…remember, Y/N.”

“I remembered too, Wanda. I remembered everything.” You stated but whatever anger you had held it had given way to bitterness and sadness.

Wanda winced tapping on the table before wiggling her hands together.

“I…I never got to…” She tilted her head, and you could see the tears hidden behind those green eyes. “I’m sorry.”

It didn’t even cover what had happened, all the pain she had caused on that day. But those words made your soul tremble, you scoffed shaking your head leaning back on the seat.

“It is too late, don’t you think?” You could see your words hurt her, and everything you had lived up to that point came rushing in piling up inside your mind until you just put everything away and left what was important.

Wanda nodded defeated, “I know, I just…I never got to say it to you.”

But it wasn’t about asking for forgiveness, and you knew that. And Wanda was also well aware of the fact. The question was not about forgiveness, the question was if you could move forward after everything that had happened.

“I never got to say it, I messed up. I was so afraid, I just…I didn’t know what to do, how to react, how to…deal with everything.”

Wanda spoke with a clear desperation tinge in her words, you could see the crumbling behind her eyes, how her soul would tremble while trying to tell you everything that you didn’t want to hear ten years ago.

“Vision was convenient.” Wanda said, this time around she grabbed the seat tightly her body completely tensed making her neck hurt as she forced herself to keep her head up and look at you. “I was so afraid, so lost and…and It’s not an excuse! I deserve your hatred! I deserved your anger! I just…”

“You could have told me, you know?” You finally said when it was obvious Wanda couldn’t continue talking. “I was there for you, and I could have helped. I thought you trusted me but instead of telling me whatever was happening you…”

This was not the conversation the both of you were supposed to have, or at least it wasn’t supposed to be this way. You weren’t supposed to understand, but to stand your ground and tell Wanda how much of a bitch she had been. But the last couple of days had taught you something about yourself, about Wanda and what could have been. And if Wanda was confused you weren’t fairing any better.

“I know you don’t get it, and that’s okay because you grew with Natasha and then you have Fury and Maria and Yelena…” Wanda waved her hand weakly, her tears rolling down while her eyes revealed the deep sadness she had always carried with herself.

“I lost everything, and I didn’t know how to deal…and you were strong, and brave, you were not afraid of anything and I was only me.” Wanda broke into a sob, with a crooked smile that showed you just how broken she was. How lost she was still feeling.

“I…after it happened I never…” Wanda started but couldn’t finish, you perked up at her words because this was something you hadn’t bothered to find out.

“What happened after I left? Were you happy? Did he make you happy?” You didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but your words carry with them poison that you had been holding for far too long.

“I didn’t stay with him, Y/N. I tried to look for you, to reach out for you but…but I couldn’t and I didn’t stay with Vision, I didn’t feel anything I just… I messed up! Okay? That’s what I did, and I didn’t know how to make it better and I’ve been trying to be good to make it better all these years…”

You wouldn't know about that.

Just as she was trying to do some good, you were trying to forget. It was one of the reasons why you kept yourself out of everyone's business and dealt with the superhero work alone. When Tony and Steve got into that quarrel and you saw what happened back in Lagos you knew you had made the right decision. Then, everything became more complicated and you just busy yourself with other problems, always trying to keep the team away while trying to get glimpses of news about Wanda. You knew it had been hard for her, and you also knew she was never alone.

Vision.

That had always been the main issue, wasn't it?

“I was on the run with the others, but I just wanted to disappear. Vision…he was helping me with getting a new identity.” Wanda leaned back tilting her head to the wall to hide the tears rolling down her cheek.

It was an answer to an unasked question. The conversation died for a moment, the waitress eyed Wanda before offering a smile to you placing the different orders on the table.

“Do you need anything else?”

“No, thank you.”

“Well, if there is anything I can do, I'm Anne.” The waitress offered one last smile walking backwards and then leaving you two alone.

The food smelled delicious; you grabbed your sandwich allowing Wanda the moment of privacy. The silence grew heavier just as you distracted yourself glancing around the place while taking another bite from your lunch.  

“I was just trying to live my life, and then when Thanos happened…” Wanda huffed turning to her food, she was no longer hungry if anything she wanted to disappear. 

Everything seemed so pointless, the look in your eyes would never leave, and she would go back to a world in which she was despised by the only woman she had ever been in love with.

“This is really delicious; you should try it.” You interrupted her, offering a full smile while grabbing another bite.

Wanda blinked confused; she kept her eyes on you then back on her food. For a brief moment, she hesitated, she was no longer hungry and if she were to be honest she felt tired. You took a sip from your cappuccino, placing your hand on the table, dangerously close to hers.

“I know you are hungry, Wanda. And I also know…I didn't want to know, but I get it.” You passed your hand on your hair pressing your back on the seat. “I'm tired of this, I just…”

“I can't take it when you look at me like that.”

“Like what?” You crunched up your nose, Wanda lowered her eyes grabbing her food.

“As if I am nothing to you, as if you…you hate me and…”

She trailed off putting the food in her mouth and silencing her words. You frowned, pursing your lips while playing those words inside your head. 

“I don't hate you.” You softened your features, your eyes glistening under the weight of memories. “I could never hate you.”

Silence followed your statement, the shivering discomfort of what your words could mean infused the atmosphere with questions Wanda didn't dare to ask. You lowered your gaze and focused completely on the sandwich that was still on the plate, and for a good half hour that was all you and Wanda did. 

When there was nothing else coming in between the unfinished conversation, Wanda put her hands on the table her eyes down casted. This was actually the very first time the both of you came face to face without anyone or anything coming in between. It was a confrontation you never thought would happen about something you had always imagined. It always came with different scenarios, but the outcome had always been the same. With you finally finding peace and never looking back, and with Wanda filled with regret for what she had lost.

This conversation though was completely different. You lifted your face finding those green eyes staring back at you with longing and a deep sadness that had become characteristic of Wanda. 

“How did you end up in Westview?” The question rolled out of your lips with a hint of bitterness you could not hide.

Wanda winced playing the napkin on the table, you waited until the woman started talking again.

“I found the box you hid in your room back at the Avenger's compound.” She stated simply, her lips breaking into a grimace. “I never…after you left I never went back there until after the battle with Thanos and Steve’s funeral.”

Your eyes opened lightly in realisation; you remembered the box in which you had hidden the future you hoped to share with Wanda. The ring, the map, and the picture…everything made sense now; now you understood why Wanda had chosen that place and how everything had fit at one point or another. The only thing that was out of place had been Vision, your expression hardened and Wanda could tell you were thinking about Westview the life she had created there.

“I never thought of him, you know? I went there because I wanted to…” Wanda snorted lifting her face to the ceiling, her voice trembling under the weight of the memories. “I wanted to understand, and in a way, I wanted to find a way to go back to you. Not as…I mean, I wanted to at least be…be your friend.”

You shifted on the chair hearing as Wanda finally tell you her part of the story, how she had been completely alone after coming back from the Blip. Steve’s funeral showed her just how alone she was, and how lost she really felt; she didn’t have a work or a home or even family and friends. She spent her time driving around until she decided to ask for help and went to the only person she could think of: Tony.

In all this time you could see the story behind her eyes, you could read the suffering and the deep sadness in the gestures and the words that carried with them the flashbacks of those days in which you were ignorant of Wanda’s fate.

“I went there to punish myself.” Wanda broke into a bitter smile, “I guess I did a good job.”

“Wanda…” You started but the words tangled in your throat, the other woman waited expectantly but after a moment her face fell.

“You don’t have to…”

“You don’t have to punish yourself anymore.” You frowned lowering your gaze to the empty dishes on the table, you were fully aware of her eyes on you. “All this time, isolating yourself while unable to reach out to anyone…then, finding yourself in Westview with this Agatha…”

Wanda swallowed down her tears, she was trembling with a flame of hope flickering inside her heart. Wanda knew she had created the world around Westview, she knew that her isolation and her grief had broken out into an explosion of her magic to create a reality she could deal with. But she also knew her magic had been tampered with, and her illusion had been corrupted.

“I never stopped thinking about you.” She whispered with her hands grabbing the chair tightly, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

You nodded standing up while making your way to where she was sitting, you offered your hand though your face never changed. For a brief moment, Wanda hesitated, she glanced at your hand and then with a trembling hand accepted it.

“They do look like us, you know?” You stated flatly, your hand warm against hers.

Wanda furrowed her brows, her tears rolling down her cheeks but her eyes gleaming in confusion.

“Why?”

“Billy and Tommy.” You stated simply. “They do look like us.”

_______________________________________

That night you sat right outside the house.

Music and conversation could be heard in the backyard, with the lights of the kitchen projecting shadows on the grass. The sky above hour head was still showered with white dots that resulted familiar yet so different to what you were used to; the air was cold but nothing you couldn’t take in a night like that one.

You took a deep breath filling your lungs with cold air, inside your mind thoughts came crashing down into a myriad of possibilities and plans yet to be executed. The conversation with Wanda had gone unexpectedly well, yet you knew a lot of things needed to be done and said before things would be okay.

“Aren’t you a little cold out here?” America crunched up her nose trying to balance the two glasses she was carrying with her.

You turned to her, chuckling before stretching a little to help her out.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a part of this great celebration?”

America shrugged offering a tiny smile, “the twins are distracted with Wanda, both of them, and the rest is just chattering around.”

“So you decided to come to me?” You shook your head taking a sip from the beverage the young woman had brought with her. “You’re crazy.”

“Not as crazy as you are.” America wrapped her hands around the glass eyeing you out of the corner of her eyes. “How are you?”

“I guess I’m okay, how about you?” You pointed with your head to the house behind you, “this is what you missed, isn’t it? Now that you are back, well…”

America nodded turning her body to yours, “I feel happy, but I also feel lost. I know that I found them again, and I have so many possibilities right now, I just…”

 “Don’t know what to do?” You asked, America shrugged lowering her eyes.

“I’m finally starting to understand my powers and to get some control over them, if I keep working on them I would be able to travel without getting lost.” America let out a sigh dropping her shoulders, “those are a lot of possibilities and right now I think I need stability and keep learning.”

“Wise words, you have grown some, kiddo.” You bumped against her shoulder; the young woman blushed lightly offering a timid smile. “It may take time, but I’m pretty sure you will learn to control them.”

None of you mentioned the possibility of America finding her way back home, while it was an option it didn’t mean that America would find it once she had some control on her abilities. But for now, the young woman was happy to learn more about her powers and herself, her heart and soul finally finding a place she could call home.

“You don’t mind me coming back with you and Wanda?” America finally asked biting her lower lip while taking the last sip of her drink to her lips.

“No, I think it’s going to be fun.” You replied glancing at the young woman, “but I have to tell you right now, the training is going to be brutal.”

“I didn’t expect anything else.”

You chuckled nodding, “good.”

America straightened up tilting her head to glance at you then back at the house. You knew what the question was she wanted to ask, but you didn’t rush it.

“Are you and Wanda going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” The honesty with which you answered that surprised even you, you turned to America with a serious face. “I’m not sure what would happen, America, but I guess I’m willing to find out.”

“That’s good, right?”

You shrugged, and the young woman went back to rest her head on your shoulder still highly confused by your answer. The sound of laughter, music and conversation filling out the sudden silence that embrace the both of you, your thoughts coming back to Wanda and the day you had spent with her.

Only time would tell what would happen next, and you were waiting anxiously what would happen next.

_______________________________

Billy and Tommy were talking non-stop, they were excited showing Wanda the latest project they had been working on back at school. The young woman could hardly hold her tears while letting her children talk to her about school and their lives as if she had always been there.

At first, it had hurt.

Wanda knew they were not hers, and yet she couldn’t help but love them and see them with the same eyes she had seen the twins back in her universe. A part of her never thought she would see Billy and Tommy again, the moment the illusion had fallen around her and she discovered what she had done to Westview she knew there wouldn’t be a way for her to recover her children.

Yet here they were.

 In another world, in another universe looking the same as she had imagined them once.

This time around everything was as it was supposed to be, with you by her side raising two children being a happy family.  A part of Wanda felt envy for everything her counterpart had and she couldn’t have.

“Are you sure you can’t have a family of your own?”

Wanda huffed turning to the source of the voice, her counterpart stood right beside her with softened eyes staring at the twins that were getting ready for bed. Wanda dropped her arms to her sides, her eyes glancing back into the room then back to the woman standing beside her.

“I’m pretty sure, she…” Wanda wrapped her arms around herself furrowing her brows, “she doesn’t love me anymore. I am nothing more than…and ally, and even that would be to stretch out our relationship.”

The other Wanda pursed her lips, she stepped closer never letting go of those green eyes she was so familiar with.

“You don’t believe that.” Wanda stated holding back a smile when the other woman stepped back scowling.

“I have to believe it, I can’t…” Wanda sighed lifting her chin to the ceiling holding back her weakness, she didn’t want the twins to see her cry. “I have to believe it or I will break my heart once more and I can’t lose control of my magic, I…last time it didn’t go well.”

The room filled with laughter, Billy ran to the bed jumping up and down with Tommy trying to follow up before falling down on his face. Wanda couldn’t help but gasp ready to help out but stopping when a gentle hand wrapped tenderly on her forearm. It was strange to see herself staring at her looking the same yet being so different than she was.

The twins were back in the game, falling on bed while discussing some subject Wanda couldn’t hear pretty well. The fall was soon forgotten and both of them were ready to go to sleep.

“Go on, you can put them to be and I will wait for you here.”

“Thank you.” Wanda whispered to her counterpart entering the room and going to Billy first.

The woman offered a shaky smile, her trembling hand brushing away his dark hair while her lips curved into a smile. Billy smiled back blinking slowly.

“Are you okay, mom?”

Wanda nodded leaning in placing a single kiss on his forehead, “more than okay, Billy. Have a good night, baby.”

“Good night, mommy.”

Then, Wanda went to Tommy who was looking at her differently, he wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly and this time around she couldn’t help but cry.

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Tommy, now go to sleep.” Once more she placed a kiss on Tommy’s forehead and with that she stepped back walking towards the door. “Sleep well, guys.”

“Night, mom!”

The door close behind her, and Wanda stood there allowing herself the goodbye she had longed to have with the twins. She tried to give the right closure to her emotions knowing full well she would go back a world in which she would be all alone. No twins, no Y/N, only her.

“Thank you.” Wanda whispered locking her eyes with those of her counterpart, the other woman nodded curtly.

“I knew it was important for you.” The woman hesitated for a moment before continuing, “but you shouldn’t lose any hope, Wanda. You and Y/N…”

“Don’t, please.” Wanda said softly. “Don’t give me hope, don’t tell me it is possible because…god, I’ve been breaking my heart over and over again and I just…I can’t take it anymore.”

“Then don’t let it go, don’t let it go without a fight.”

Wanda lifted her face to see her counterpart dead serious, the woman came closer wrapping her hands on her forearms making sure Wanda could not look away.

“You love her, and I am pretty sure she loves you as well, whatever happened in the past it shall stay there.” Wanda then softened letting go of her grip. “Don’t give up just yet, you may be surprised.”

Wanda wanted to talk, she wanted to believe but at the moment she was just tired and overwhelmed by everything that had happened, everything she had lived up to that point. She was overwhelmed by the fact that you were so close to her yet so far away, that she would go back to a world in which the twins were not there and she would be, once more, alone.

________________________________________

It was a sunny day.

America went over the contents of her backpack, her body was tingling all over while a void filled with butterflies settled in her lower abdomen. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath, her hands trembling while she secured the zipper on the backpack.

“You look nervous, you know you don’t have to go, right?” Y/N came into the room glancing around before settling her eyes on America, the young woman turned around offering a tiny smile.

“I know.” She replied shrugging, her hands played with the band on her wrist she tried to look everywhere but at Y/N but at the end of the day she couldn’t help it, she lifted her face and let the tears fall down.

“I’m sorry.” America whispered waiting for a recrimination on her part, for Y/N to finally tell her how bad she had messed up the first time she had fallen on their Universe.

But it never came, nor from her or Wanda, or anyone for that matter. America surrendered to the warm embrace of Y/N’s arms, she let the tears and sobs she had been holding to scape and finally liberated her mind of the guiltiness she had been feeling all this time.

“Hey, kiddo, it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” Y/N whispered soothingly her hand drawing circles with a half-smile showing on her face.

“I just…I shouldn’t have run the way I did, I should have fight or something.” America replied, leaning back, she was furrowing her brows while lifting her hands. “I could have stayed and helped around.”

“It wasn’t optional, though. You had to keep going to survive, that’s rule number one in this line of work, America.” Y/N put her hands on her pockets, her hair falling to the side with an easy smile adorning her lips. “You did what you have to at that point and no one should ever blame you for that. If it hadn’t been that way well, I wouldn’t be here telling the story.”

America doubted very much that it would have happened in such a way, but she would never really know it for certain. Ever since she started travelling through universes consciously she had learnt to deal with the different realities, trying to adapt to them and survive them. She never thought she would settle in a single universe, much less that she would get attach to the people in it.

The sound of conversation broke the sudden silence in the room, the twins laughing with Pietro and Wanda yelling for everyone to go to the backyard was the signal America had been waiting for. She stepped closer to give Y/N one last hug.

“Thank you for everything you did for me, Y/N. I couldn’t say this the last time due to the circumstances…”

“Us running for our lives?” Y/N chimed in chuckling, America snorted rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, that, I mean you guys received me in your home and gave me a chance to a family, I just..I will always carry that with me.”

Y/N softened while giving the teen another hug, “anytime kid, you are welcome in our household whenever you decided to come back.”

“I know, I just think I am needed it elsewhere.”

“I think so to.” Y/N stepped back glancing to the open door. “Watch over them, make sure that they are okay.”

“I will.” America smiled grabbing her backpack ready to go.

It was almost midday by the time America and Y/n came out of the house.

The backyard was full with Tony and Loki working around the logistics and the twins just running around between the two Wanda’s and everyone else. You stood by the garden, the conversation that Loki was having with Tony, Wong, Hank and America had lost all meaning as you entertained yourself with the last sight of the world that could have been. Your body was completely tensed, your eyes drifting around until they fell on the form of Wanda, your Wanda.

“Are you ready?” Y/N asked, you turned to her shaking your head.

“Were you?”

“No, I was never ready whenever she was around.” Y/N replied shrugging, “but once we had made our mind there was nothing that could stop us.”

You snorted nodding, “that’s right.”

“Are you going to fight?” Y/N stepped closer, her eyes going from you to Wanda then back again.

“I am going to make things right, I’m not sure if they will end up the same way it did here.” You replied placing your hands inside your pockets. “I guess only time will tell.”

Y/N nodded stretching her right hand to you, an easy smile forming on her lips.

“I hope everything goes well for you and Wanda, Y/N, just remember what’s really important.” Y/N said grabbing your hand with a friendly squeezed. “Please, be happy.”

“Protect them and be for them whenever they need you.” You replied squeezing back.

“I will.”

“Well, I guess we can try the portal once more, are you guys ready? Did you say your good-byes?” Tony clapped before rubbing his hands, everyone went to get in position until the cries of two boys reached them over.

Tommy and Billy came running with Wanda following them close behind, Billy went directly to Wanda wrapping his arms around her while Tommy went to you.

“I’m gonna miss you.” He mumbled looking up at you.

You chuckled ruffling his hair playfully, “I doubt it, pal. You have your mom’s here, but I am gonna miss you.”

“Say hi to your Tommy for me, please? Tell him he has the best mom in the whole universe!”

Those words pierced deeply inside your heart, but the innocence and the smile in Tommy’s face made you held back any reaction that wasn’t one of agreement.

“I will, Tommy, be good.”

At the other side of the yard Wanda and Billy were having a similar conversation, Wanda hugged him tightly before trying to let go. Billy called to her, looking around before wrapping his arms around Wanda’s neck, his lips close to her ear.

“Everything is gonna be okay, mommy, don’t worry, mom will come around.” Billy offered a toothy grin to Wanda who was too shocked to talk. “say hi to your billy for me, love you mom!”

Wanda watched as Billy joined his brother right beside their mother, Wanda locked eyes with her counterpart who offered a half smile and a vision Wanda Maximoff would not talk about until several years later. For now, she was just filled with doubts, and hopes, and uncertainties and soon Wanda was drowned by the voices surrounding her.

“Okay, this shouldn’t be that difficult, everyone remembers their roles?” Loki asked once more standing to the side while pointing at America who rolled her eyes.

“I do, I remember.”

“Good, because if you fail the three of you are going to be traveling around without a proper destination and probably die a horrible dead.”

“That’s so comforting, Loki.” You replied rolling your eyes. 2Stop scaring America and do your job.”

Loki rolled his eyes flickering his hands while putting the golden book out of thin air, he sat down crossing his legs while looking to an invisible spot in front of him.

“Very well, your timeline is not that hard to find, it is the only one with a latent anomaly.”

“How can you tell is ours and not a random one?”

Loki glared at you before going back to his work, “I can sense it, and this one lack something, it is missing something, I guess that would be both of you.”

Soon everyone was taking positions, Wanda stood beside you shifting from one foot to the other, her hands wiggling nervously while she tried to keep her eyes right ahead of herself. You could sense her uneasiness, her hands twitching biting her lower lip. America came forward, she was showing off a frown filled with confusion that Tony helped erased with a whispered explanation.

You eyed Wanda out of the corner of your eyes, the woman was completely tensed still bouncing trying to hold onto something but unable to find herself at ease. You doubted it for a moment before you grabbed her hand in yours.

Her hand was warm and soft, at first she was completely tensed and rigid but as soon as she sensed it was you her hand started to relax and give in the feeling.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You whispered; Wanda offered a smile nodding.

“I know.” Wanda knew that as long as you kept holding her hand everything would be okay, she didn’t dare to say anything else but in a bold move she spread her fingers and soon her hand was intertwined with yours.

You jerked around but Wanda was completely focused on America, after a moment of hesitation you straightened up frowning lightly though your hand clasped tenderly Wanda’s hand.

“Okay, it was nice meeting you all, now let’s begin.” Loki closed his eyes and soon the golden light of his magic started gleaming powerfully forming a tight circle that surrounded you and Wanda alongside America.

America could feel the power, she was sensing it through her muscles and her fingertips while her mind became a mask of pure blankness trying to form an idea. She remembered the lesson, to follow the magic around her while also joining her energy with that of Wanda and Y/N, her power running through her arm in electric jolts and then igniting her eyes until she was finally ready to make it explode.

Pulling her arm back, closing her fist America stretched her arm hitting the space in between her and the backyard creating an explosion in the form of a Star. The portal opened until it was as big as America, you peeked in watching the white plains of Norway, or at least that was what you thought.

With a last glance to your counterpart and Wanda, you squeezed the hand you were holding tenderly.

“Ready?” It was all you could say before the young woman nodded and with a single step she dragged you right through the portal.

The world you three had left behind was waiting for you.

And you were not sure what would happen next, the only thing you knew for certain was that you didn’t want to let go of the hand holding yours.

The portal closed behind the three of you leaving everyone behind with many questions and little to no answers.

Billy and Tommy hugged Wanda still glancing the place where the portal had been moments ago. The woman glanced at her children knowing there was something bothering greatly.

“Mommy, do you think they will love us?” Tommy asked lifting his face to Wanda, Wanda furrowed her brows tilting her head.

“What do you mean, baby?”

Billy scrunched up his nose, “You think they will love Billy and Tommy the way you love us?”

Wanda softened at the question; she knelt in front of her boys not really knowing how to explain that in their world they both didn’t even exist.

“Billy, I’m pretty sure that they would be very lucky to have children like the both of you, and they would absolutely love you very much.” This answer seemed to satisfy the boys, and just when Wanda thought the topic was over Tommy talked again.

“They are gonna love us very much, mommy.” Tommy smiled snugging closer to Wanda. “Just like they love one another very much, that’s how you and mommy made us, right?”

Wanda didn’t answer, but a part of her certainly hope that Tommy was not wrong. She had always hoped that her love for you would survive in every universe, Wanda lifted her face to see Y/N looking at her with tenderness and love, and Wanda knew right there and then that her counterpart would be okay.

You never stopped looking at her like that, you just learnt how to hide it pretty well.

You were still pretty much in love with your Wanda.

And now that you were gone with her, only time would tell if love was still possible.

Wanda sighed wishing you would let go of your resentment and doubts and give yourself and her counterpart a chance.

With a last glance to the space where you and the others had been standing, Wanda turned around hopeful that the past would stay in the past.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Chapter: You are finally back to your universe, everything seems surreal as you and the others are taken to interrogation rooms before resuming your normal lives. Carol doesn't want to leave your side, and Wanda knows she needs to step aside even though that's the last thing she wants to do.

[vervainandspritz]

UNTIL YOU COME BACK HOME

Jackson Rippner x Reader

Word count: 3.3k

Warning: smut, angst, comfort

A/N: I'll get back to writing more chapters soon. For now, have this oneshot. Please Interact and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

“Oh god, Jackson!” Y/n gasped as soon as she saw him through the peephole in the door. Moving as quickly as possible, she swung the door open, pouncing forward to get a hold of him.

He stood there, his breathing shallow and rugged. White button up shirt ripped on his shoulder, revealing the bleeding wound. The material surrounding it was covered in crimson red. His hair sweaty, beads dripping down his face as he barely kept his blue, cloudy eyes open.

“Y/n” he mumbled, taking a heavy step forward as he grabbed onto her shoulders. She huffed as he put his weight on her, and with some struggle they managed to both get inside as she kicked the door shut.

Hundreds and thousands of thoughts ran through her head as she helped him to the living room where he mindlessly slumped on the couch.

“Wait here” she murmured, rushing to the bathroom for the first aid kit that was quite… advanced ever since she met him. Grabbing the necessities, Y/n quickly moved back to the living room, putting it all on the table with her shaky hands. He looked barely conscious and her heart was pounding like crazy as she took his shirt off to make sure that the visible injuries were the only ones on him.

He kept mumbling something every now and then but she didn't listen, instead she focused on stopping the bleeding from his shoulder and stitching him back up.

Breathing deeply, Y/n tried her best to get her hands more steady as she did her very best to ensure he'd be… better than whatever state she found him in.

Two hours and some tears later, Jackson was settled in her own bed, wearing only briefs and breathing heavily. She wiped her face while glancing at the clock only then realising how late it was. Jackson was completely out of it, and from the look of it, he would be for several more hours because of the medicine she gave him. The medicine he needed to ensure his wound wouldn't get infected.

Y/n was aware of his job, and it was one of the biggest factors of why she decided to never let their relationship move forward. Just sex, they said before. She couldn't afford getting her heart broken.

His lips said one thing, and his actions showed another, she thought. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she hugged his back lightly, her cheek pressing to his hot skin. Only for now, it was safe to do so. He was unconscious, so he wouldn't make a fuss about it. The closeness with lack of any sexual intentions. Intimacy. Comfort.

As expected, Jackson slept for a long time before eventually waking up, a little past 7 PM the next day.

She managed to clean up her bathroom and couch from his blood, getting her apartment to become squeaky clean because of the anxiety she was feeling. Y/n tried to be productive instead of impatiently waiting at him and biting her nails.

“Y/n” He said in a hoarse, husky voice before grimacing slightly because of the dryness and pain in his throat. Hearing him, she jumped a little, clearly startled as her book fell on the floor with a thud.

“Oh shit, you scared me.” Y/n said, with a hand on her chest as she eyed him quickly before getting up to get a glass of water for him, hearing the state of his throat. “How are you feeling?” She asked quietly after handing him the glass. Her brows slightly furrowed at his unusually pale skin.

“As wonderful as I look” He replied with a scoff after drinking the water and setting the glass aside with a groan.

“You were really hurt this time.” She started quietly, fidgeting with her fingers for a moment as she kept looking at him. “You’ve been asleep for over twenty four hours, Jackson. You—you need to tell me what happened.” She says eventually, crossing her arms over her chest as her frustration grew. She knew how unhappy he was whenever she'd ask questions, and Y/n liked his presence too much to risk losing him over that. So she wouldn't ask, not usually, but this time was different. It was too big to pretend like it didn't happen.

His pale, blue eyes avoided looking directly into hers as he let out a deep breath. His frame was tense.

“Don't act stupid, you know damn well what I do for a living, sweetheart.” He replied. “It's not always all rainbows and flowers.” The sarcasm smoothly made its way down his tongue, as always, seemed like. Y/n got used to the fact Jackson was fluent in this particular thing.

Hearing his tone her body tensed in a combative manner. Squeezing her first, she pointed at him with the other, shaking hand.

“Don't you fucking dare talk to me this way after I spent my whole night stitching you up, preventing you from bleeding out, and barely closing my eyes to make sure you were bloody alive!” Her voice shook slightly every now and then as she tried to stand her ground against him. “It's YOUR work to do… all that, but is it my work to always stitch you up afterwards? Why the hell do you come here since I don't deserve even a brief explanation?” She demanded to know, looking intently at him as she wrapped her arms around herself for some, much needed at the moment, comfort.

Jackson tilted his head slightly, raising his chin as he finally looked her in the eyes. His facial expression was impossible to read, as always.

But the one thing she was perfect at, was reading his eyes. Ever since day one, Jackson would always try to avoid eye contact in such situations. Even though his stare never failed before, and he was going through life thinking he mastered it.

Well, maybe he did. Y/n was the only one who saw more in his bright, storm and tempest filled eyes. So he'd purposely put a wall between the two of them. She knew him too well to believe in the theatrics he was so prone to use on people.

“Your apartment was the closest place I could think of at the moment. It's not that deep.” His voice was low and emotionless, husky from the lack of usage in the last twenty four hours but he managed to keep up the eye contact for just a few seconds before looking away.

Yet, it hurt her. Sighing deeply, she shook her head and made her way to the kitchen as Jackson slowly got up from her bed.

Looking around for his pants, he ran a hand through his hair with a groan. The one thing he could admit to himself was that seeing disappointment in her eyes wasn't… nice. It didn't feel good.

“So… when can I see you now?” He asked casually, trying to break the tension after a couple minutes, thinking that she just gave up asking him questions like always, after he'd shut her down.

The silence hung in the air for a longer moment, charged with unsaid words and buzzing emotions. Y/n was tired, visibly and mentally.

“Don't come here anymore, Jack. I can't do it.”

A quiet voice came from the kitchen, making his heart stop for a moment and his eyes to widen. Turning around he walked up to her, leaning on the counter.

“Come on, you're not mad at me, are you?” He asked, raising his eyebrows, not understanding the vulnerable expressions on her face, which she never hid. Y/n wasn't scared to be vulnerable with her feelings around him, which was always a source of conflicted emotions within himself.

With a resigned sigh, she put the knife and veggies down, looking up at him.

“No, it's… it's more than that. I just can't do what you're expecting of me.” She started, shaking her head a little. “Just—just fuck you, and then, then take care of you and never care enough to ask. I can't do that. It's—it's not me, I'm sorry.” The way her body language changed, the vulnerability and raw hurt in her voice made the annoyingly painful feeling gnaw at this one spot in his chest. He didn't know what to say for a moment before turning around and walking a couple steps through her living room. Anger and confusion grew in his head, as the only real emotions he knew so well. Hand tugging on his hair as he let out a humourless laugh.

“You don't mean it. We're just—just arguing again.” He said, trying to convince either her or himself, but the feeling of dread already settled between his ribs. His voice came out louder than intended, accusing even.

As the response didn't come, he turned around again facing her. Taking a couple fast steps he winced at the sharp pain in his shoulder.

“What do you want me to say, Y/n? We talked about it before, I— fucking can't tell you anything!” He said with sharp anger bubbling beneath the surface.

“Jackson, I said I get it! I just can't do what you want me to!” She exclaimed, her voice an octave higher than usually at his sudden outburst. She felt panicked with what was happening. With the idea of never seeing him again, and with what she was feeling at the moment. The feelings accompanying her were much more complex than she'd like them to be.

“Then why are you so fucking dramatic about it!” He continued pacing back and forth, not handling the situation very well, or picking up on the irony of his words.

Y/n raised her eyebrows with a scoff.

“Me? I'm just breaking it off, Jackson. You are the one yelling at me and running around my living room.” She pointed out, keeping the pain hidden away. For now.

He stopped in his tracks immediately as she called him out on the frantic behaviour.

“I wouldn't if you weren't like… this!” He spat out, his blue eyes filled with coldness and anger. The sudden motion as he swung his arm, caused the stitches to rip and blood started dripping down his arm. “Fuck!”

Y/n’s eyes widened immediately.

“Jack, calm down! Your arm!” She squealed, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise. Her hand grasped his bigger one as she pulled him to the bathroom, pushing him to sit on the edge of the bathtub. It was a fairly small room, with not much space after he'd fill it out with his wide frame, so without a second thought she slumped on his lap.

He sat here wordlessly, the combative facial expression still decorating his handsome face as she worked on the wound, cleansing it before getting to the stitching.

He didn't make a sound until the last stitch, when he suddenly let out a loud hiss at the particularly painful movement of the needle in his skin.

“Sorry” she said quietly out of habit. “You need to stop thrashing like a wild animal for the next few days.” Y/n added, concerned with his state.

Jackson scoffed, tensing as he looked in her eyes accusingly.

“Don't tell me what to do. You dumped me.” His voice was low and grumbly, still carrying some anger in it, but the way he put it made Y/n let out a giggle uncontrollably. His gaze softened slightly. He sounded like an offended child.

“As far as I know, we weren't together, Jackson.” Her voice was more playful than anything as she finished the stitching, putting the tools aside. Caressing the skin on his arm, Y/n sighed.

Jackson kept looking at her with a lump forming in his throat. After a minute he broke the silence.

“I don't know what you want me to say, but you won’t hear…” He started before clearing his throat, unsure of what words to use. Of how to explain.”—hear THAT from me, Y/n. I just can't.” He said quietly, his hands holding her hips, thumbs rubbing little circles on her soft skin. The silence settled in the air again, as she felt he wasn't finished just yet. Just needed some more time to recollect his words. “...but I don't want to not see you anymore.” He sounded weaker than ever, more… vulnerable. The trait she wanted to see in him so badly, making her heart soften in an instant.

Feeling the surge of hope rushing through her veins, she raised her hands to his face, tilting his head up so her eyes would meet his. Her eyes were– bright again, Jackson noticed subconsciously.

“You don't want to lose me.” She stated with confidence, knowing what he meant. Jackson neither denied nor confirmed, sighing deeply as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Say it.” She demanded, caressing his skin and as soon as he looked again, searching his blue eyes for anything that would show her she was wrong. She didn't find anything.

He took a deep breath, his fingers digging into her skin harder.

“I don't want to lose you.” He repeated, sounding like the words almost drowned him, but he knew it was a turning point. Jack knew she was – patient and understanding. It would be enough. They stared at each other for a longer moment before she touched his cheek with a little chuckle.

Seeing her eyes so shiny and cheeks blushed, Jackson regretted he didn't say it sooner. It took a lot, but it was worth it. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against hers.

“What's so funny?” He scoffed playfully, looking at her lips with a deep breath.

Y/n leaned in, kissing him in a way that took his breath away for a mere moment making him forget who they were. Who he was. A way that she wouldn't dare to kiss him before.

“Stubborn man” she let out with a sigh after pulling away.

Only then did she get up, pulling him back to the bedroom deciding that she'd force him to rest if he wouldn't agree right away.

***

Slowly opening her eyes, Y/n wiped her face with a yawn before she noticed he was awake. The admirably blue eyes looked at her halfway open with a smirk, and for a second she got mad at him for never staying the whole night before. The view was wonderful.

“Hi” She said with a chuckle, making him raise his eyebrow in amusement.

“Hi,” He replied, pulling her closer. Her dishevelled state made her even more attractive than usual, in a completely different way. It was a way that Jackson never looked at other women before which was a little scary, but well. He was way too sleepy to think about it now. With his own eyes barely open and vulnerable as never before, he let out a chuckle. It felt so easy at the moment, like he wasn't a killer without any actual identity. Like he had a chance for a life with the beautiful woman by his side.

Stretching with a groan he shifted to the side, being fairly careful with his injured shoulder. Jackson's hand landed on Y/n’s bare hip as her shirt shifted up, revealing her pale skin. She opened her eyes again, glancing at him as she heard the throaty purr coming from his mouth.

“Jackson” She warned with a giggle, knowing his intentions too well. “You're–” She started, but before she'd manage to finish, he flipped her on her back, hanging over her like a thundercloud. “–injured.” Her voice was defeated with an undertone of humour at his mischievous doings.

“Still healthy enough.” He replied, leaning down and grazing his nose over her neck. After two years of seeing only her, he wasn't able to prevent associating her scent with something– familiar.

Home

Pressed so tightly against her, Jackson felt the familiar stirring in his lower stomach, making him sigh deeply. His warm breath wrapped itself around her skin, making her shiver with delight. He leaned down, biting onto her neck lightly as his hands began stripping her of the pajama pants she was wearing.

She let it happen, until she didn't. Her smaller hand getting a hold of his wrist.

“In my way.” She said, turning her head to meet his eyes. “My way or not at all. Your stitches will probably burst again if I agree to do it the usual way.” She said with a voice that allowed no opposition. That was a voice he rarely heard, but the feisty look in her eyes was clear. She wouldn't bend under his will because she cared about his health.

With a loud, dramatic sigh he slumped on the bed, giving up. Seeing it, Y/n chuckled, raising her brows. Pointing at the tent in his underwear, she asked.

“So you need help with that or not?” Her voice was full of amusement and clear lighthearted mockery. Jackson's eyes immediately shifted to her face.

“Don't push it before I change my mind” he grumbled with a hidden smirk, making her laugh out louder as she got up, pulling her underwear down all the way before she straddled his hips.

Her soft hand began travelling down his chest, tracing every inch of his skin, appreciating the masculine firmness to him. The sensation of his muscles against her delicate fingers.

The air in the room immediately shifted, and Jackson's expression changed. His brows slightly furrowed, as he watched her actions. He was clearly confused, never touched with such intention before in his life. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers, almost expecting pain to come any second now.

Violence was all he knew. She understood it, but it nevertheless broke her heart a little bit.

Looking him in the eyes, she leaned forward, her lips following the path her fingers travelled. She left little kisses on each scar and imperfection she encountered.

Jackson wasn't sure what he felt. Whether he liked it or not, he was more confused than ever before. That's why when she reached the V on his lower stomach, still kissing, he rose up slightly.

“Don't” he said quietly. The atmosphere was so intimate and vulnerable, that for once in his life, he didn't feel up to being pleasured in such a way. He already let her do too much, Jackson thought.

Y/n looked up, meeting his bright eyes with her own. The tension and– fear on his face was visible for the first time since she ever met him.

Nodding lightly, she came back up, kissing him passionately as her hands worked on his underwear, pulling it down and stroking his hard length. Deep groans pushed past his lips with each move as his eyes fell shut. He looked more beautiful than ever, Y/n thought seeing him then.

Only the sensation of her warmth engulfing his manhood brought Jackson back, making him open his eyes and letting his jaw fall open.

“Fuck” he gasped, as she leaned back, supporting herself by holding onto his stomach, not forgetting about his injury.

His hands gripped onto her hips. Still sitting up, Jackson tried moving her on top of his hips to get her to move faster, but Y/n wasn't having any of it. Pushing him back, she leaned forward and captured his lips in a searing kiss while she sensually moved. She was in no rush. Y/n enjoyed every sensation the connection between them was giving her. The slow pace was making him more sensitive to their surroundings than the usual frantic rhythm. The sound of her quiet sighs and whimpers filled his ears like the most beautiful melody. The way her face gave away the all-consuming bliss she experienced from how he felt inside her, but also from how… close they were. Jackson felt like he was slipping. The situation was getting out of control as his mind started spiralling into the vulnerability, which he desperately didn't want to happen.

Looking up, he noticed Y/n watching his face intently, her mouth slightly open as she moved to her own rhythm. Her breasts swayed with each movement before she leaned down, kissing all over his neck while her hands travelled around his collarbones, caressing his skin.

Wordlessly Jackson's bigger hand slowly grabbed hers, moving it up towards his throat, wrapping it suggestively with a certain look in his eyes. Y/n knew.

Of course she did.

With a quiet sigh, she shook her head lightly, moving upwards to his cheek, the gentle touch sending shockwaves down his spine as she watched him with care and gentleness he never experienced.

Covering her hand with his own, Jackson sat up lightly, moving her closer. He didn't fight it anymore.

“You're so beautiful” He breathed out, wrapping his arm around her waist and capturing her lips in a deep, sensual dance as she caressed his hair. They both seemed to get lost in the sensations, drowning in each other's presence without any will or need to seek saving.

As Y/n squeezed her eyes, her body tensing on top of his, Jackson knew she was coming. Leaning his forehead on her collarbone, he followed right after. For the first time in his life, he realised that the way she held him felt even better than the most amazing orgasm he ever experienced.

…and just like that, Jackson knew he’d stay the night, and countless more.

Because even if he couldn't name or say it, he knew the reason why he would keep coming back.

***

Taglist: @lau219 @xsweetcatastrophe

[mononijikayu]

chapter (2) — the feels

GENRE: alternate universe - actors/celeb au!

WARNING/S: not safe for work (nsfw), r-18 and above, actors/singers au!, romance, fluff, minor angst, slow burn, humour, slice of life, will they won't they, light-hearted, flirting, playful, possessiveness, teasing, explicit content, possible, kissing, sexual content, innuendos, drama, feels, hurt/comfort, falling in love, love, happy ending, actor/singer! sukuna, actress/celeb! reader;

WORD COUNT: 4.4k words.

NOTE: everytime i look at the drafts for this, i get butterflies. this story is really fun for me to write no matter what. i genuinely enjoy exploring the dynamics. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do!!! anyway, sukuna is definitely a simp for reader. like genuinely, he's down bad. but tbh so is reader. they're matching each other in everything!!! but well.....are they dating? who knows?

TAGLIST: @kunasthiast, @midnight-138, @v3nd3ttal3on;

masterlist

hey lover! series

HE DIDN’T EXPECT TO COME ACROSS IT. But it was that one afternoon on his day off, while Ryomen Sukuna was out running errands, he found himself finding a piece of you. It was just a regular day for him, one where he indulges himself as he strolls through the supermarket, casually picking up snacks and drinks he wanted. 

He doesn;t get to do it often because of how busy he is. But when he has the time, he indulges it and enjoys it a lot. He thinks if you were with him, it would have been more enjoyable, though. You liked going and doing mundane things like this, as much as he does. He noticed that a lot since you both were always going out and eating together after shoots in Tokyo.

It’s been a few weeks since Jujutsu Kaisen Season 1 did the final reshoots. And he thinks he missed you. You both texted a lot last night, sure. But it’s a different thing when you both are together.

But right now you are enjoying the holiday you’re taking. And judging from the photos you sent him so far, you were happily enjoying it. From what you told him last night, you said you were waiting for your flight so you could visit family back home. You won't be back in New York until maybe next week.

Ryomen Sukuna could only sigh at himself. He has become so fond of your company that he can’t help but crave even more of it. He supposes that it’s just how good you were with him, how good for him. He hadn’t really had anyone be that good to him, he supposed. You’ve just brightened up his day to day, even if it was just to think of you. 

As he turns the corner into the magazine aisle, something catches his scarlet eye and he stops— it was one of those glossy magazines, one that were for high fashion brands. In the front of its bright poppy cover featuring the ever beautiful shining you with a stunning smile, the headline reading, “Y/N L/N: Rising Star of Jujutsu Kaisen!”

His first thought is a mix of pride and mischief. He couldn’t help it. You were everywhere. And he just can’t help but feel warm about it. “Well, well, what do we have here?” he mutters to himself. Grinning, he picks up the magazine, flipping through it.

I should probably promote this. Doll worked hard on this, hm? he thinks, already plotting a plan. He pulls out his phone and goes live on social media, knowing his fans would be eager to join him for this impromptu session.

“Hey, everyone! So, I’m at the supermarket, and guess what I just found?” he announces, holding up the magazine for the camera, your face shining brightly on the cover. “Really pretty picture the editor chose really. I really love this one. I think everyone can agree!”

The chat explodes with comments.

“OMG, Y/N!”

“IS THAT A MAGAZINE?!”

“CAN WE GET A CLOSE-UP?!”

"MY WIFEEEEE SHE LOOKS SO GOOD!"

"CAN YOU FIGHT SUKUNA???"

"OH MY GOD, ONE CHANCE PLEASE PLEASEEE Y/N"

Sukuna chuckles, basking in the chaos as he starts to read some of the article aloud, his voice teasing. “Let’s see what the article has to say about my favorite rising star. Let’s read it together.” he begins, pretending to be a serious news anchor.

“‘Y/N has taken the entertainment world by storm with her captivating performances and undeniable charm, both on screen and on stage.’ Wow, they really nailed it, huh?” He glances at the camera, a playful smirk on his face. “They must’ve been taking notes from me. I mean, she is spending time with the best.”

The comments continue to flood in, fans egging him on.

“THIS IS SO CUTE! SUKUNA, KEEP PRAISING YOUR WOMAN OMG!”

“Please stop, I’m dying! He’s this love struck?”

“Is he flirting with her through a magazine?”

"He's never beating the 'im obssessed with y/n' allegations omg???"

"If my partner isn't like this, i genuinely don't want him, you guys???"

"How is Sukuna real? Like, how is he the only man to ever exist?"

Sukuna can’t help but lean into the banter. “Oh, it gets better. ‘Her recent work in Jujutsu Kaisen has captured the hearts of many, including veteran actor and co-star Ryomen Sukuna.’” He pauses dramatically, pretending to think deeply. “How does that feel? Being able to capture me, Y/N?”

The comments explode again.

“OH NO HE DIDN’T! RYOMEN SUKUNA, YOU’RE INSANE FOR THIS?????”

“IS HE FLIRTING?! GUYS GUYS CHAT IS THIS REAL????”

“THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER! EVEN WHEN THEY’RE APART OMG”

"GOD PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE!!!"

"HIS EYES ARE JUST SO FULL OF LOVE WHILE STARING AT HER PICTURE OH MY GOD IM GONNA THROW UP???"

"HE'S DEFINITELY BUYING THE MAGAZINE AND STARE AT IT FOR A WHILE CAUSE???"

He continues reading, “Known for her ability to bring depth to her characters, Y/N is also a self-proclaimed cat mom.” He raises an eyebrow, grinning at the camera. “Noodle better watch out; he’s not the only one who’s going to be in the spotlight!”

Sukuna reads a little more, then leans back, looking directly into the camera. “Honestly, if you’re not following her yet, what are you doing? My doll’s the star of the century! She’s talented, funny, and—” he pretends to whisper with a grin. “—way cuter than I am.”

The comments go wild, with fans practically screaming in excitement.

“HE SAID IT! HE CALLED HER MY DOLL???”

“HE’S SO SUPPORTIVE OF HER OMGGGGGG!!!!”

“CAN YOU GUYS JUST DATE ALREADY?!”

"THEY'RE DEFINITELY DATING GOD IM JUST???"

"GIVE US THE CONFIRMATION FOR THE WEDDING ALREADY???"

"I SHIP I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIPPPPPP!!!!"

As he wraps up the live session, Sukuna flashes a charming smile. “So, go pick up this magazine, check out Y/N, and maybe throw in a little love for me too while you’re at it. And don’t forget to tune into the next episode of Jujutsu Kaisen! See you later, everyone!”

With that, he ends the live stream, still chuckling to himself as he walks through the store, clutching the magazine. Little did he know, this playful moment would send fans into a frenzy, cementing your duo’s chemistry even further in the eyes of the public—and leaving you with a smile when you catch wind of his little stunt.

Later that evening, you’re lounging at home, scrolling through your social media feed, when you notice your notifications blowing up. Curious, you tap on your profile to find a flood of comments and tags about Sukuna’s recent live stream.

“Did you see Sukuna’s live? He was reading that magazine about you!”

“I’m crying! He’s so supportive! #Y/NandSukunaForever”

“He basically said he’s in love with you. Can you two just get married already?”

"Y/N, please. give him a shot already. That man is too in love with you."

"This man is doing promos for you like he's trying to save the planet. He's a good man, Savanah!"

"He's literally crazy about you, like??? Stopping in a supermarket to do a live to promote your magazine??? He's in love with you???"

You can’t help but grin, your heart racing at the thought of Ryomen Sukuna casually promoting you to all his fans. You scroll through the clips of his live, laughing at his playful banter and over-the-top expressions. You couldn’t help but just feel happiness beyond comprehension, knowing someone takes care of you even from afar.

Suddenly, a direct message pops up from him. Did you catch the live, doll?

You quickly type back, I did! You’re ridiculous! I can’t believe you read that whole thing.

His reply is immediate. Had to promote my favorite, cutest rising star! Can’t let Noodle take all the love in this three soul family, don’t you think?

You chuckle, imagining Sukuna strutting through the supermarket, holding your magazine like it’s the Holy Grail. What’s next? Are you going to host my fan club?

A few moments later, he replies, Absolutely! First meeting will be at our next sushi date. Wear something nice, doll.

Your cheeks flush at the thought. Then you better look sharp too, bub.

You just know he was smirking when he sent you the reply. When you opened it, your face turned even redder. Oh, of course, doll. I like making sure I look pretty enough to get your praises and kisses. You’re my doll, after all.

You could feel butterflies for a moment, and for a good while, you were just trying to keep yourself together. You couldn’t look like this while you were having dinner with your parents.

As the conversation continues, you can’t help but feel a warm flutter of excitement. Not only is he supporting you, but he’s also finding creative ways to keep the teasing and flirting alive in front of everyone.

The next day, you decide to take advantage of the buzz. You ended up in a book store where they had your magazines. You post a cute selfie of yourself holding the magazine, your expression playful and bright.

Thanks to my bubs @RyomenSukuna for the promotion! If you haven’t checked out this issue yet, what are you waiting for?

Almost instantly, your comments explode.

“YOU LOOK AMAZING! WE STANNNNNN”

“GET IT, GIRL! WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!”

“HE’S NOT WRONG, Y/N IS A QUEEN!”

"Y/N DOMINATION FR FR!!!"

"SUKUNA CAN YOU FIGHT CAN YOU FIGHT SUKUNA???"

"NAH CAUSE IF Y/N AND YOU AREN'T TOGETHER, IM SHOOTING MY SHOT!!!"

A few hours later, you see another tweet trending: “Sukuna’s magazine live should win an award for Best Promotion. Guys, if you’re not doing this for your girls, we don’t want you!”

You can’t help but laugh, picturing him reading through those thirsty tweets like a comedic genius.

Later that evening, as you prepare for bed, your phone buzzes again. It’s a video from Sukuna, looking slightly mischievous.

“Hey, everyone! Just wanted to follow up on my earlier live stream. The magazine is flying off the shelves, and I’m not saying it’s all because of my charming face, but… Okay, it’s mostly because of Y/N. You know how it is. Now, don’t just stop there—go buy that issue! And let’s be real, you’re doing it for me, but mostly for her! So, keep giving my doll all your love, okay? Thanks everyone! I’ll see you in the next live tweet for Jujutsu Kaisen!”

He winks at the camera, and you can’t help but smile. He’s just so endearing when he gets into these promotional modes. The next few weeks, it’s all the media could talk about.

They just catch wind of the buzz surrounding your magazine feature and Sukuna’s live stream. They keep getting more and more curious about you and Sukuna. After all, both of you were a mystery to them. 

You’re both invited to a morning talk show to discuss the recent developments, and you can already sense the excitement and chaos that awaits.As you both sit on the couch, the host teases you both about the “flirting” and “couple energy” that everyone seems to be picking up  on.

“You two are definitely giving off some serious vibes!” the host says, leaning in. “Sukuna, what do you have to say about the ongoing speculation?”

Sukuna grins, leaning back. “I mean, can you blame them? Who wouldn’t want to be with someone as talented and cute as Y/N? Can you blame everyone for being as dazzled about her as me?”

The audience erupts into cheers, and you can’t help but blush.

“Okay, but I’m just grateful for him.” you chime in, trying to regain composure. You grinned at him. “Sukuna’s just really is such a great supportive soul for me.… And such a darling to me. You always are, aren’t you, bub? Dramatic too, but well. Love you all the same!”

“Dramatic? Me? Never.” he replies, feigning innocence while smirking. “I’m just here to make sure everyone knows who the real star is. And well, who the real star of my day to day is, don’t you think?”

The banter continues, and by the end of the show, your dynamic has captured the hearts of viewers everywhere. Social media is ablaze with clips of your interview, further fueling the speculation and excitement.

As you leave the studio, you can’t help but think about how much fun this whole experience has been. The teasing, the playful banter, and Sukuna’s unabashed support have created a whirlwind of excitement that you never expected.

Later, you check your phone one last time before bed. A new tweet catches your eye: “Sukuna and Y/N have officially made it onto my ‘favorite couples’ list. The world needs more of this!”

With a smile on your face, you finally drift off to sleep, dreaming of what other adventures await you and Sukuna in this unexpected and thrilling journey together. 

➽──────────❥

YOU WERE STILL SLEEPY. But well, what could you do? Life goes on, with how your schedule is today. The day of the big fashion show had finally arrived, and excitement buzzed in the air as you and Sukuna prepared to strut down the runway.

The energy backstage was palpable—models hurrying to and from makeup stations, designers giving last-minute instructions, and the rhythmic clack of high heels against the glossy floor echoing in the room.

Sukuna, leaning casually against the wall, shot you a knowing glance. He had that smirk on his face, the one that hinted at his unshakable confidence. He was effortlessly cool, and you couldn't help but feed off that energy.

The theme of the show was glamorous rebellion—a fusion of elegance and edge, where bold designs and striking details were the focus. You were dressed in a breathtaking ensemble that turned heads even before the show began.

A sleek, figure-hugging dress with shimmering embellishments, its dramatic cut-outs giving you just the right mix of sophistication and daring. The heels you wore? Absolutely lethal—sky-high stilettos that elongated your figure, giving you the sensation that you could conquer not just the runway, but the world.

Meanwhile, Sukuna, in a custom-tailored suit that hugged his broad shoulders and accentuated his muscular build, was the perfect counterpart. The deep crimson of his suit jacket contrasted sharply against his black shirt, and the subtle metallic details gleamed under the runway lights. He exuded power and charisma, each step deliberate and commanding.

As you both stepped onto the runway, the atmosphere changed. The lights flashed in rhythm with the music, casting you and Sukuna in a dazzling, almost surreal glow. The crowd erupted into cheers, their excitement infectious.

The music pulsed through your veins, and with Sukuna by your side, you felt invincible. His smirk widened as he caught a few admiring gazes from the audience, and with each stride, the energy between you both grew, palpable and electrifying.

Each step was flawless. The click of your heels against the runway, perfectly timed with Sukuna's strides, created a symphony of dominance.

You could feel eyes on you, admiration and awe blending with envy, but none of that mattered. In that moment, it was just you and Sukuna—a force to be reckoned with. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, a mischievous glint playing in his gaze, as if daring you to outshine him.

But this wasn’t a competition. It was an effortless partnership, the two of you ruling the runway together. Every turn, every pose, was perfectly synchronized, as though you had rehearsed this a hundred times over.

The lights continued to flicker, cameras flashing from every direction, immortalizing this moment. And as you reached the end of the runway, Sukuna extended his hand to you in a gentlemanly yet teasing manner. You took it, lifting your chin slightly, knowing that together, you had owned the night.

But halfway down the runway, disaster struck. One of your heels snapped, sending you wobbling dangerously to one side. You gasped, struggling to maintain your balance as you tried to recover. Just as you thought you might tumble, Sukuna swiftly reached out, his grip firm around your waist.

“Got you, doll!” he exclaimed, pulling you closer to him as he steadied you. The crowd gasped, and in that split second, you realized you were more grateful than embarrassed.

With a quick wink and a playful flourish, Sukuna helped you regain your composure, but the damage was done—your heel was officially broken. You could feel the adrenaline rush as you both finished the walk, the crowd cheering wildly, clearly enamored by the unexpected moment.

After the show, backstage was a flurry of activity. You hopped on one foot, trying to assess the damage to your broken heel when Sukuna, still riding the high of the show, turned to you. “You know, you could always go for a more comfortable look, doll.” he joked, gesturing toward his own stylish shoes.

You rolled your eyes, laughing. “And give up my fashion moment? Never!”

But as you tried to walk towards the exit, it became clear that you weren’t going to make it far without some help. Sensing your struggle, Sukuna stepped in, effortlessly scooping you up into his arms.

“Let’s get you to the car, fashionista.” he said with a playful grin, carrying you like a princess, drawing surprised looks from the crew and other models.

As you both exited the venue, a photographer snapped a picture of the moment. You could hear the clicking of cameras as people captured the scene—Sukuna, the effortlessly cool actor, carrying you, the fabulous rising star.

That single picture ended up circulating online like wildfire. The caption read: “Is this the most romantic moment of the fashion show? Sukuna carrying Y/N after her heel broke!”

The fan reactions were immediate and overwhelming.

“OMG, I can’t handle this cuteness! He genuinely loves her so much!”

“HE CARRIED HER! SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE, I CAN’T BREATHE!”

“Y/N is literally living my dream. Sukuna is such a gentleman!”

You couldn’t help but smile as you read through the tweets, watching the fan base collectively lose their minds over the moment. You glanced up at Sukuna, who was now scrolling through his phone, clearly amused by the frenzy.

“Look at them go, doll.” he chuckled, a mix of pride and mischief in his eyes. “They’re all acting like we just starred in a rom-com.”

“Maybe we should consider it, bub.” you teased back, leaning your head against his shoulder as he carried you toward the car. “I mean, we both get the same rom-com lead offers. We might as well try.”

“Hm, I’ll think about it.”

“You better!”

As you reached the vehicle, Sukuna gently set you down, but not before the paparazzi snapped more pictures, capturing the laughter and playful banter between you both. You felt like the luckiest person in the world, surrounded by glitz and glamor, but even more, you cherished these moments with him.

Later that night, as you sat together scrolling through the flood of posts about the fashion show, Sukuna turned to you, a smirk dancing on his lips. “So, you think I should carry you everywhere now?”

You laughed, nudging him playfully. “Only if you promise to be this charming every time.”

“Deal, doll.” he replied with a sly smirk on his face. “But only if I get a kiss each and every time.”

You returned his sly smile. “You drive a heavy bargain, you know?”

“Well, I like good compensation, doll.”

“Hm. I’ll think about it, darling.”

And just like that, another adventure in this whirlwind of a journey began, one where fans eagerly awaited every twist and turn of your ever-evolving story. 

The following days were a whirlwind of activity, with the aftermath of the fashion show still buzzing across social media. Every time you opened your phone, there were new memes, edits, and posts highlighting Sukuna’s chivalrous act of carrying you out. 

One particularly popular meme featured a split image: on one side, a picture of you in your stunning outfit with the broken heel, and on the other, a screenshot of Sukuna’s smirk as he effortlessly carried you away. The caption read, “When you break a heel, but your knight in shining armor has your back.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you scrolled through the threads filled with comments like, “Where do I sign up for a carry from Sukuna?” and “No, but I need someone to love me like this. I need someone to lovingly help me in my fashion emergencies!”

“Looks like you’ve become a trendsetter, doll.” Sukuna teased, plopping down next to you on the couch. “Maybe we should make this a regular thing—fashion shows and heel emergencies.”

“Only if you promise to always be there to catch me, darling.” you shot back, smirking.

As you both continued to scroll through the chaos, an idea struck you. “We should do a follow-up interview about the fashion show! Imagine how much the fans would love to hear us talk about it, especially the heel incident.”

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “You think they’d want to hear about our dramatic moment on the runway? You falling apart and me swooping in to save the day?”

“Absolutely!” You nodded, enthusiasm bubbling up. “I mean, it’s practically a rom-com waiting to happen. Plus, we can spend time together and promote our upcoming work together!”

“Alright, I’m in. But only if you let me wear those ridiculous heels next time….so you know, you can catch me too, doll.” he grinned, nudging you. 

You laughed out loud. “Alright, darling. Let’s find you a pair when we go shopping today.”

“Oh, that’s going to be a challenge then.”

“Hm, why not? It’s fun when we’re together in challenges!”

The next day, you both headed to the studio for the interview. As you settled into your seats, the host couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw you both. “So, the world has been going crazy over your little ‘heel disaster’ at the recent fashion show. Sukuna, what was going through your mind when you scooped Y/N up?”

Sukuna leaned back with a playful grin. “Honestly? I just thought it was a great opportunity to show off my impressive muscles and save the day. Plus, someone needed to make sure she didn’t fall on her face in front of everyone. I’d do anything for my doll, right here, you know?”

You laughed, nudging him with your elbow. “He’s so humble, isn’t he?Like, darling — come and get your credit too! It was more like a dramatic rescue scene, complete with the swoon-worthy soundtrack.”

The interview continued, with the two of you sharing laughs and stories about your experiences. Fans in the comments couldn’t get enough of the chemistry, throwing out heart emojis and excited remarks.

“Do you think you two will collaborate on a fashion line next?” one viewer asked, prompting a wave of excitement among the audience.

“Maybe we’ll do a ‘Y/N & Sukuna’ collection, won’t we, darling?” you said, leaning in. “You know, something chic but also… practical for when you break your heels!”

Sukuna feigned offense, placing a hand over his heart. “Practical? I’m all about the drama! But I could see us doing something fun. Maybe some ‘Sukuna-approved’ footwear that won’t break under pressure? I think you’d love that, doll.”

As the interview was winding down, the host leaned in with a mischievous smile and asked the question that everyone had been waiting for: “So, any truth to the rumors that you two are dating?”

You barely had time to process it before you and Sukuna exchanged a look. Without missing a beat, both of you burst into uncontrollable laughter, the kind where you had to clutch your stomach and wipe away tears. Sukuna’s laugh? A deep, rumbling sound that somehow made the entire situation even funnier.

“I mean, who knows?” you said, still giggling as you tried to regain composure. “We care a lot for each other, though. But, you know, that’s our business!” You flashed a playful wink at the camera, trying to keep things light, but it was clear you were having too much fun with the moment. "Though, who wouldn’t want a guy who carries you when your heel breaks? My darling here is great with helping me out.”

Sukuna, not one to let you steal the spotlight, leaned in closer to the camera with a sly grin, his voice dropping an octave as he added, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to go and carry you and take care of you, doll?” He tilted his head in mock seriousness. “I love caring for you.”

The comment section immediately went into overdrive. The fans couldn’t handle it.

“THE FLIRTING?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

“STOPPP THIS IS TOO MUCH MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT.”

“If they’re not dating, then what's the real point of my life in this world, you guys?”

“Someone pls send help I’ve forgotten how to breathe.”

“Sukuna saying ‘I love caring for you’ like it’s casual?!? They’re married and I know it.”

“Can they just admit it already? WE KNOW.”

After the interview wrapped up, you both waved to the camera, still giggling, as the host thanked you. As soon as the cameras cut, your phones exploded with notifications. It seemed like every social media platform was on fire, fans spiraling into a frenzy over the playful banter.

There were memes of Sukuna carrying you like a princess, edits of the two of you in wedding attire, and screenshots of the moment Sukuna leaned into the camera like he was making a declaration of eternal love.

“I told you this would happen, bub.” you said, showing Sukuna the screen full of memes.

He glanced over and chuckled. “What, people can’t handle a little chemistry?” He shrugged nonchalantly, but you could see the hint of amusement in his eyes. He was enjoying this just as much as you were.

“Well, I guess we’re just going to have to keep them guessing.” you replied, throwing him a teasing grin.

Sukuna leaned back, stretching his arms behind his head. “Or maybe we just keep giving them something to talk about.”

“Well, I love talking about you anyway.” You look at him with a smile. “Don’t you like doing the same?”

He pauses for a second, but grins. “But don’t you already know that?”

“Yeah, I do. I just like hearing it.”

“Cheeky one, aren’t you, doll?”

You grin even wider at him. “Well, my favorite act of love are words of affirmation.”

As you walked out of the studio together, Sukuna looked at you with a smirk. “But you know, I think I could get used to this whole ‘carrying you’ thing. It really keeps the fans on their toes.”

“Oh, for sure.” you replied, nudging him playfully. “Just wait until they start shipping us harder.”

“Let them do their thing.” he said, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’ll just keep carrying you around. I’m like a knight in shining armor, after all.”

You both laughed, knowing that the playful teasing and affectionate banter were only part of the adventure you were embarking on together. As the days went by, the trend only grew, with fans eagerly anticipating every new development in your story.

With each passing moment, the excitement around your dynamic seemed to intertwine your lives more and more, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something truly special.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

6: A FINE LINE

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

You and Bucky deal with the fallout of the undercover mission.

Word count 2.7k

Warnings: Nightmares, angry girlfriends, Steve and Nat being besties to idiots

You were blissfully oblivious to the world while you slept for the whole quinjet flight, waking only as the small plane touched down the runway outside the compound.

"Sorry," Bucky grimaced as you woke with a gasp.

"Are we home?" 

You turned to look at him. As he nodded, you noticed the dark circles under his eyes, accentuated by the lines of worry across his forehead. He was looking at you with so much apprehension, that you almost reached out to comfort him. Almost. The memories of the previous night came flooding back and sadness filled your heart again.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

You ignored his question in favor of your own. "Did you fly all the way back without stopping?"

"Yeah," he nodded, his chest swelled with pride that you had noticed what he had done for you.

"That was a dangerous thing to do. You're exhausted." Bucky's face fell but you continued to chastise him anyway. "What if something happened? Are you trying to get us both killed?"

The long sleep had done nothing to improve your mood, you felt sluggish and now you were hungry to boot.

Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times, before the word ‘sorry' came out in a whisper. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But you did."

The uncomfortable silence between you was broken by a crackle on the radio. "Everything okay in there?" Steve's voice sounded over the radio. 

"Yes!" you answered, hitting the button to open the aft exit hatch.

You stood up, the blanket fell off your shoulders and sent a shiver down your spine. You were still only wearing a bikini. Bending down, you picked up the blanket, covering yourself and stalking out of the plane. Bucky followed a few steps behind you. 

Steve took one look at you and knew that things weren't right but he was saved the hassle of finding a polite way of letting you know how rough you looked. 

"You two look like shit!" Nat appeared from behind Steve. "Why did Tony say everything was fine?"

"We got everything we needed but… the getaway was a little bumpy and my stomach didn't do so well," you pouted.

Natasha put her arm around your waist. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," she said, leading you away.

Once you were out of earshot of the boys, she rounded on you. "What happened out there?"

"What?" You are taken aback by the tone of her question.

"Come on, don't give me the innocent act. Something happened between you and Barnes."

You sighed deeply. Bucky's words played in your mind on a loop. You felt deflated. "Do you think I'm a bad friend?"

"Oh sweetie, no one would ever suggest anything of the sort."

"I said something, I knew he wouldn't like it. And he got really mad and said some really awful things."

"What did he say?"

You couldn't bring yourself to repeat his words, even though they were burned into your brain. For some reason, you still felt the urge to protect Bucky. Logically, you knew he didn't deserve it, but your heart, the stupid organ that loved him unconditionally, had more sway over you in that moment. "It doesn't matter."

You were saved from further interrogation as your stomach rumbled loudly.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up and fed. You can rest after that."

"Nat, did the intel pan out?"

"Yeah," your friend grinned at you. "You did good."

You felt a smile tug at your lips, at least you had been able to achieve something of use. Even if you had tanked your friendship in the process.

*

Meanwhile, back in the hangar bay, Steve was having a similar conversation with Bucky.

"Well I’m assuming from the way you’re both acting, something happened between you two."

"You’re a punk, you know that." Bucky huffed.

"And you’re a jerk." Steve quipped fondly.

"I was a jerk. I think I’ve ruined everything."

"What happened?"

Bucky was too ashamed of the words he had used. His soul burned with shame at the spite he had felt. He had never understood why people used the phrase ‘a fine line between love and hate’, until now. Because in that moment, for the briefest of milliseconds, Bucky had hated you; for what you’d said to him, but mostly because you didn’t love him back. He wanted to give you the world, and you wouldn’t take it. His heart was broken and you had offered to mend it, only to break it again. He would do anything to quash that feeling, shove it back inside a bottle, put a cork in it and throw it out into the deepest of oceans.

Hatred was the feeling that surrounded him as the Winter Soldier. He was hated by his keepers and hated by the world around him. Now it had crept into his soul and stained his thoughts of you. Worst of all, he hated himself for the things he had said to you.

"I think I’m going to lose her."

"Bucky, just tell her how you feel about her."

"I can’t. Not anymore, not after this."

"Bucky-"

"Would you just drop it, Steve? Why’re you so keen on this? Are you trying to get me to destroy everything so you can have her all to yourself?" Bucky rounded on Steve, unleashing his anger on the only other person who had stuck by him unyieldingly.

Steve just looked back at him, pity filling his eyes. He knew how badly Bucky was hurting. Meeting the person who you love more than anything else in life and not being able to be with them, he had suffered the same pain when he had woken from the ice, knowing that he would never get to dance with Peggy in his lifetime.

Bucky’s anger had flared suddenly and was equally as quick to dissipate, his shoulders sagging from sheer exhaustion. He had been up for almost thirty turbulence filled hours. He needed rest. Steve put a hand on his shoulder, waving away Bucky’s attempts to apologize. He guided him back to his room, requesting that FRIDAY have someone send food to his room. Steve sat on his bed, waiting while Bucky showered. Despite the powerful shower sounds coming from the bathroom, Steve could hear you and Nat talking. He couldn’t make out your words, but he heard the gravity of your tone. 

"Oh Buck," he sighed quietly.

Nat left you just before Bucky came out of the shower. Bucky looked surprised that Steve was still here.

"You need to eat." Steve pointed at the meal that someone had delivered. He started unpacking it for Bucky.

"I’m tired. I should sleep," he said pointedly, indicating that he wanted Steve to leave.

Steve picked up the sandwich and handed it to Bucky. "Eat this and I’ll leave you alone."

Bucky complied. He was good at that. He finished the grilled cheese sandwich without any enjoyment, the bread tasting like sandpaper in his dry mouth. "Happy?" he asked, gruffly.

Steve didn’t answer, leaving Bucky to the solace he sought. Not that Steve’s departure did anything to assuage the guilt that had seeped deep into Bucky’s bones. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from his bed, glancing at the door, almost as though Steve would sneak back in. When no one appeared, he spread the blanket on the floor and lay down on it, closing his eyes on the world that was filled with pain. 

Unfortunately for Bucky, his subconscious offered him no relief. His mind was tired, his emotions ruled the roost and left him susceptible for the nightmares to invade. They seeped in with stealth and gripped him like a vice.

It was midnight when a noise woke you. You startled, breathing heavily as your eyes darted around in the darkness, body immediately on high alert. It always took a few days to let the safety of your environment lull your body into a sense of security. You listened carefully for signs of disruption, but for several moments there was only silence. Just as your heart rate settled, you heard it again, much clearer this time and you knew exactly what it was and where it was coming from.

Without thinking, you shot out of bed and rapped your knuckles against Bucky's bedroom door. He didn't answer, he never did when he was like this. Fortunately, you were an old hat to this routine. You crouched on the floor, calling his name gently until his eyes opened. The moonlight flooded through his uncovered window and you moved to an angle where he could see you. Only when his eyes focused on you, did you touch him, lay a comforting hand on his arm.

Bucky sat up slowly, eyes filled with unshed tears as he gazed at you sorrowfully. The anguish in his face was unbearable and you found yourself wrapping your arms around his neck tightly. His arms wormed their way around your waist holding you in a tight embrace, one you never wanted to leave. His warmth, his sturdiness was your strength, your pillar. You needed him just as he needed you. 

You didn't have any plans on moving and Bucky made no move to let you go, but eventually your body protested. You were sitting on your lower legs and the pressure on them reduced the blood flow leading to a painful tingling which started in your toes and was spreading upwards. Maybe a little wiggle would help restore your feeling.

Your movement didn't go unnoticed by Bucky. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking his nose out of your neck. 

"My legs fell asleep," you groaned.

He chuckled in response. "Need to get up?"

You nodded, wobbling to your feet like a baby deer standing for the first time. Once you had recovered your balance and the tingling had ceased to be painful, you jumped up and down a few times for good measure. "Human body wasn't made for this. Come?" You held out your hand for him.

He took it without hesitation. "Where’re we going?" 

"Not far." You led him to the bed. "I thought we'd put a stop to this." You pointed at the floor.

"Sorry," he whispered.

You sighed, jerking your head towards the bed indicating that he should get in. Dubiously he followed your instruction, relieved that you chose to get in beside him rather than running away. He pulled the duvet up to cover your legs and you sank into the pillows beside him. It was so much easier to be close to him physically than emotionally these days.

Bucky was looking at you, you could feel his gaze but you didn't return it, not knowing what to say. He solved your problem by initiating the conversation.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. But maybe we can discuss your driving skills some time. They need some work."

"I'm sorry for…" he sighed. "For everything."

"Do you really think I'm a slut?"

"No!" His answer came back so fast, there was really no room for doubt. The way his eyes stared into yours, you could feel his regret.

After a few moments of contemplative silence you asked him another question. "Since when do you watch porn, Bucky? I mean, we used to spend all our time together. And it’s not with Steve, I know that much."

"Well sometimes, when Sam, Clint and Tony-"

"Say no more."

"I didn’t think they were realistic, but on the mission, when you started talking like that… it made me wonder if it’s real, and if I’m not doing things right. I mean, what if I’m not good enough, you know? And I was angry. I mean I know it was wrong, I knew it would hurt you. But… you hurt me and … I wanted to hurt you back." Bucky hung his head with the admission.

"I’m sorry about that… I just - it’s just, she makes me feel like I’m not your favorite person anymore and I hate that."

"You’re jealous?"

You shrug. What could you say, of course you were jealous, your insides were withering and dying from the envy that consumed you.

"But you’re never jealous of anything, or anyone!" Bucky carried on, not being able to read your expression in the darkness.

"You have to care enough to be envious of somebody."

"You care about me?" he smiled.

"If you didn’t already know that, you’re dumber than I thought."

Bucky chuckled, but it turned into a sigh. "I’m sorry for calling you a slut."

"I’m sorry for mocking your girlfriend. Just so you know, Priya seems like the kind of person who will let you know if she isn't pleased. Can't imagine she would just lie there and take it."

"Yeah she probably would. I guess you don’t get to her position without being able to speak up for yourself."

"Her position?"

"She just got promoted to head of pediatric surgery. That’s a big deal, right?"

The little green monster inside you growled angrily, amplifying your feelings of inadequacy. "Yeah, that’s pretty impressive," you answered softly. "Congratulations to her."

Bucky curled up beside you, burying his head against your shoulder. "Thanks, Cricket," he muttered, drowsily.

His voice was low and tired and a wave of guilt washed over you. He was trying. You could see how hard he was trying to be a good boyfriend and a good friend. "Go to sleep, Bucky."

"Night." It was surprising how quickly he fell asleep. Even super soldiers needed time to recover.

Once his breathing was shallow and even, you whispered back to him. "Goodnight, Bucky. I love you." You closed your eyes and joined him in slumberland.

*

"Jamie?"

Priya’s voice floated into your ear, waking you.

"Jamie!"

The bed shook as Bucky shot up from his position beside you and you opened your eyes to see a very pissed off looking girlfriend standing at the end of Bucky’s bed.

"Priya!" Bucky exclaimed.

"What’s happening here?" Her voice was quiet, forceful, dripping with anger.

"Look, it’s not what this looks like," Bucky protested.

Priya rounded on you. "Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, Priya. I’m not sleeping- we didn’t have sex," you said emphatically. "We just fell asleep, we were talking and it was two in the morning and..."

Priya’s eyes narrowed and she looked between you and Bucky. "Talking? At two in the morning? Steve said you got home yesterday afternoon."

Bucky jumped in, trying to diffuse the tension. “It’s not like that, Priya. Cricket was just… I had a nightmare and… well,” he shrugged. “We fell asleep. I haven’t had one in a long time. I know you haven’t seen what it’s like, and I’m grateful for that.”

Priya crossed her arms, clearly not buying it. "And you couldn’t go back to your own room after you woke him up from the bad dream?"

You could see the hurt in Priya’s eyes, and you felt guilty for being the cause of it. She had never been outright unkind to you, in fact she had tried being friendly, tried getting to know you. You were the one who had shut her out.

"For what it’s worth, Bucky is the most trustworthy person I know. He would never do something like that to you. I promise that nothing physical has ever happened between us. I’m not a slut. But, I’m going to go,” you said quietly, “let you guys talk."

Bucky hesitated, looking from you to Priya. His heart sank as he processed the words you had spoken, he knew he had hurt you deeply with his words and his heart ached with regret.

She sighed, her anger softening slightly. "Fine, explain."

Bucky took a deep breath, his eyes pleading with Priya. "I know this looks bad, but Cricket is just a friend, I swear. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Priya looked at him for a long moment before finally nodding. "Okay, I believe you. But don’t let it happen again, Bucky."

Bucky nodded, relief flooding his face. "I won’t, I promise."

You stood up, feeling like an intruder in their moment. "I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sorry for causing any trouble."

Priya gave you a small smile. "It’s okay, Cricket. Thank you for being honest."

As you walked out of the room, you could help but feel another pang of jealousy. Since Priya had come into your life, you were on the outside, always looking in. Would you ever be more than you'd always been?

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[dalamjisung]

A muted shade of green ✧ Chapter 5: His very own lighthouse

genre: honestly who even knows at this point - angst, fluff, comfort, EVERYTHINGGGGG

word count: 5961

pairing: reader x spencer reid

description: things are happening too fast– it's been nine days of this madness and, once again, everything just seems to continue to spiral. but sometimes, in the midst of all the darkness, you find some light, and that is enough to make you keep going.

a muted shade of green masterlist

previous chapter // next chapter

author's note: sorry for the delay on the update, but it's finally here! I'm excited to see this story evolving! what are you excited about with this chapter? Let me know in the comments! <3 if you want to join the taglist for this series, please let me know in the comments!

“Knock, knock.”

The hospital smells of rubbing alcohol and plastic and it’s all a really weird experience. On one hand, you have kids books, three or four that you managed to get from the store before Spencer got you out of there. On the other, you have flowers with a card signed by both you and the boy genius that couldn’t come with. Very last minute, Spencer had gotten a call from Agent Hotchner and he had to go to the office, but he had been kind enough to drop you off to see Officer Kaper. s

“Miss Y/L/N!” He smiles from where he’s laying in bed, daughter tucked under one arm and wife by the other. “Sweetie, this is the nice book lady I told you about,” The baby girl eyes you up with that shy nature you love some much in kids. It’s a quiet kind of judgement that you fly by with a smile, slowly approaching and turning the books towards her. 

“The book lady brought more books!” You whisper, trying to keep the energy in the room positive, but not too excited. Spencer had said this was a minimal injury case– apparently Officer Kaper was at home when the break-in happened and he kept his wife and daughter safe, but had gotten injured while doing so. Stabbed, to be more precise. And although you can’t see the stitches, you can see the large bandage around his torso. Gulping, you look away, finding that his wife’s sweet smile melts your heart. “Hello. It’s really nice to meet you, I’m Y/N… and I’m… I’m really sorry.”

“Oh, no,” His wife smiled, shaking her head before coming to you and grabbing the flowers so delicately. “You have nothing to apologise for, this is not your fault.” She takes the books too, smiling at the silly little drawings in the cover before giving it to her husband.

You’re not really sure what to do in there, with this family that looks oh so happy despite the circumstances. Have you ever been that happy just to be around someone? 

Yes. 

“Y/N, let’s go! We’re going to be late!”

There is a tired drag of your feet underneath you, but you still smile, giggling at the dramatic reaction when he sees you in your dress. “Oh stop it,” You mumble, applying a final layer of lipstick before turning to him and saying, “I’m ready.” 

“And I’m the luckiest man alive,” He mumbled, kissing your forehead sweetly before opening the door to go call the elevator. That is the kind of man he is– someone who likes to be prepared for everything, who predicts what will come his way and plan accordingly to be two steps ahead. At first, it’s impressive, seeing how ready he is to deal with whatever life throws his way. It makes you puff your chest proudly and say ‘that is my man.’ But then it feels a little bothersome, really, not being able to have a thought to yourself without his curious hands prying it open and public. You can’t have anything just yours, because Josh wants everything to be his, and suddenly’y he is not your man, but you are his woman. And that doesn’t sit right with you. 

For now, though, when everything is great and amazing, anything he does has you smiling; even if your feet hurt in the too tall heels, even if your can’t breathe right in the too tight dress– you smile. Because Josh likes you smiling and you love Josh when he likes you. “And I’m the luckiest woman in the universe.”

“The entire universe?” He mumbles, smiling and pecking your lips with a calculated kiss that doesn’t blur your makeup. 

“The entire universe.” 

“That’s a big, big universe you’re talking about…”

Later on, you’d find out that even though yes, the universe is big and so much of it still goes undiscovered, sharing it with him makes you feel very, very small. 

“How is Officer Kaper doing?” Spencer asks once you step into the car. You look at him with an empty look in your face that makes him sigh. You’ve been like this since the news broke last night, alienated from your own self, and he hates it– he hates seeing the light in your eyes dim and the way your lips struggle to stretch into a smile. “Y/N?”

“Sorry,” You mumble, shaking your head to try and get your jumbled thoughts in order. “He’s uh, he’s okay. The nurse said he got lucky, which I don’t really see how, I mean, he was– he uh, got stabbed. With a knife. So not really lucky of him, in my books.”

“But he’s okay,” Spencer repeats, reaching out to lace his fingers with yours, and you’ve never held onto something so tightly like you did then to his hand. “Y/N, he’s okay. In the mean time, I’ll be in charge of your protection. The higher ups have deemed this an active case now that someone’s got injured and–“

“Wait, what?” Your head snaps to look at him, eyes wide. “Was it not an active case before?!” 

“Not officially,” Not even his soft voice can make you feel better. “It was for me and my team but… not for Strauss. That’s our section chief, she’s… complicated. Bureaucratic.”

“And there is nothing in the fucking FBI bureaucracy about considering a case of an innocent civilian being stalked by a serial killer active?” Scoffing, you pull your hand away from his as if his touch burned your skin, suddenly too aware of your situation. “What? Are they waiting for me to die or something? For her to finally get me? What the fuck, Spencer, why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

“I didn’t want to worry you,” He says quietly, eyes glancing at you for a fraction of a second before moving back to the traffic ahead. “And I still don’t. It’s going to be okay, I pro–“

“Don’t,” You say through gritted teeth, head swimming in the growing amount of information you are struggling to process. “I know you mean well, but please don’t promise me anything, because I… Spencer, right now, you’re the only person I trust, and if you promise me something you can’t keep, I don’t know what I’ll do.” 

The craziness of it all doesn’t escape you. When you were a kid, dreaming of fantastical adventures, this surely wasn’t what you had in mind. Spencer, as cordial and gentlemanly as he is, is not the perfect prince you hoped for and you, all tears and judgments, are far from being a princess. This is real life; it’s raw, and burning, and stretching, and painful, but it’s yours and you are determined to make something out of it. And whatever it is that you are making, this can’t be it. You refuse to let this be the one big event that forever determines the rest of your life. 

Takes you a little while to notice that you’re not quite going to his apartment, and your heart flutters. The thought of those beloved green walls used to make you smile. It was a glimpse inside the world of Spencer Reid, your favourite customer– of his plants, his books, his odd addiction to the colour purple showing in the smallest of details, in the pillows, the blankets, the place mats left and forgotten on his counter. The excitement is still there, though, and you will do virtually anything to keep it alive, but… but just like his walls, that spark of giddiness inside of you whenever you enter the place now is smaller. Faded. Muted. You feel guilty, admitting that yourself, and that guilt morphs into something akin to embarrassment. Sitting next to you is a man who is doing everything and anything to try and keep you safe, and yet, you just can’t find it in yourself to be as positive as he seems to be. Hope might be the last one to die, but eventually, it dies. You wonder if yours was just never there to begin with. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, looking at him for a brief second. There is a lot going on right now, specially between you two, and even looking at him is hard. Whenever you do, eyes lingering on his sharp jaw or his messy hair, you remember yesterday. You remember his hands holding you close, and his breath hitting the back of your neck. You remember how you felt, all warm and tingly everywhere, and you remember how you imagine he felt by the way his heartbeat drummed against your back. But yesterday is not good only. Yesterday is not just emotions and ease and comfort, because yesterday was also day eight of this nightmare. Day eight that marked the beginning of a new week in this torturous purgatory, baiting you with the happiness you could have but seemingly never would. “Spence?” 

He exhales, letting something heavy within himself go, when you call for him. “We’re going to the BAU. Hotch asked me to bring you in so we can ask you some questions, if you feel up for it.” 

You don’t feel up for it, but you will not tell him that. Not when it finally feels like people are finally starting to take this seriously. “Yeah. Yeah, okay,” You gulp, nodding and already digging in your bag for your ID. At this point, you know the drill, thanking the front desk man twenty minutes later when he gives you your visitor’s pass. 

“Y/N!” 

It amazes you, really, that in the midst of all of this, you still manage to make a friend. Penelope is an obvious choice, though you wouldn’t even say you had much of a choice anyways. At first you thought she had gotten your phone from Spencer, wanting to provide you with some encouraging words and a shoulder to cry on. But after learning more about her job, you know for a fact that she probably pulled your number from whatever database she could. The whole thing starts after that day in her office, with you sending her a quick apology for the entire thing– you crossed the line asking to see Cat Adam’s photo and Spencer took it even further by screaming at her. Just as you thought, Penelope is quick to forgive and forget, and since then, most of your conversation consists of memes and borderline sexualised comments about Agent Derek Morgan. You even get some pictures, though you are too scared to open them fully. From the small preview you can see on your phone, these photos are not meant for your eyes, and even know, when Agent Morgan smiles at you and Spencer walking in, you can’t help but blush.

“Are you okay?” Penelope asks, brows wiggling with knowledge that Spencer would, hopefully, never get. You don’t imagine he would be all to pleased with you seeing pictures of his co-worker shirtless, though you are still too scared and careful to admit to yourself the reason why he wouldn’t be all that happy about it. The higher the climb, the harder the fall, and you’ve fallen enough for Spencer. “You’re all red in the face and looking a little bit spooked there, Y/N. If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you’re embarrassed. But my oh my, what would you have to be embarrassed about?”

Staring at her with your mouth hanging open, you blush even further, chortling out something akin to laughter mixed with an indignant squeak. “Penelope!” Your whisper-scream is not as subtle as you think it is, and both men look at you with curiosity all over their faces. 

“Do you girls want to share with the class?” Derek asks, stepping closer to you which makes you step closer to Spencer. It’s a weird chain reaction that leaves everyone but Penelope confused, and you want to kill her and thank her at the same time. It seems that she is the only one trying to bring some normalcy back to your life. 

“Not particularly, no,” Penelope takes the lead and you’re happy to let her, purposefully ignoring Spencer’s squinted eyes on you. You know that look– you know many of his looks, actually, but that specific look is his thinking look. The one he got whenever you tell him something about celebrity drama or fan-fiction writers. Whenever Spencer has that look, you usually smile wide, knowing that it’s his own way to tell you he’s paying attention to you. Right now, however, you want him to look away and pretend you don’t exist. “Though I’m easily convinced, my hot, cho–“

“Nope,” You intervene, hands shooting to cover your ears. “Stop! Don’t you dare!”

“Aha! I knew it!” She laughed, and while you walk inside the bullpen that is now, unfortunately, familiar enough, you two bicker like children. 

“What’s going on?” The way your head snaps to the women sitting by a desk is enough of a tell for Spencer to know you are about to freak out. 

“Guys…” He tried to stop them, and you have so much faith in him that he will that your eyes sparkle for a second. It pains him to see that light within you turn off when the women clearly ignore him. 

“Emily, JJ,” Penelope giggled, rushing to their side, phone in hand. “I sent this to Y/N and–“

“Oh wow,” Emily laughs, shaking her head and looking at you with pure and raw sympathy. “You have now been through the initiation, you’re officially one of us. Congrats, Y/N!”

“Yeah, Penelope sent me those pictures on my second days as a liaison,” JJ winced, laughing nonetheless. “I will admit it made my first week very awkward.”

“What initiation?” Derek is Spencer’s opposite. Penelope has told you about them before, about their friendship, about how Derek, despite the teasing and the overbearing duty to protect his friend, was always there for little boy genius. While Spencer is silent thinking and careful calculations, Derek is quick action and instant reaction. It’s a sight to behold, those two together, and you smile when Spencer nods vigorously. 

“Yeah, what initiation?” He is looking at you because he knows you’re the one most likely to crack. 

But this time, you hold your ground, shaking your head and pursing your lips. “I–“

“Miss Y/L/N.” The mood shifts instantly, and you even feel a little bit bad for the two man walking towards where everyone has suddenly gone still. 

“Agent Hotchner, hello,” You mumble, smiling as best as you can under his gaze. 

But then something happens. 

Something changes. 

And his eyes soften. “Thank you for coming. I am sorry that it took this long for the higher ups to clear us for a full investigation of your case, but now we have proof that Cat has a partner and they they are escalating.”

“Escalating?” Little by little you learn about their vocabulary. It’s not something that any book you’ve read has touched on and it feels eerily realistic to be saying those words yourself, like you have been transported inside a book you’ve never even wanted to read. 

“It means they are evolving their methodology of… attack,” Emily words gently, trying to explain it as softly as she could, but not even the sweetest of voices or kindest of gestures could take away the fright of this entire thing. “They are getting bolder, and so they might try something that, otherwise, they wouldn’t.” 

“O-Okay,” You whisper, frowning in thought. “But, and sorry if this is a stupid question, but what is making them bolder? It can’t just be out of nowhere, right?” 

“Spoken like a true profiler,” JJ smiled with a pat to your shoulder. “Behaviour changes this drastic usually have triggers, and something triggered this. We don’t know who this partner is, but they were bold enough to try and break into a police officer’s house. This means they are reckless. Impulsive.” 

“What if it was pre-planned?” You ask, missing how Spencer looks at you with a huge smile. Having you interested in his job is better than having you hate his job, and he would take this over the other any day. “The attack.”

“We can assume it wasn’t, since Officer Kaper showed up halfway through the break-in,” Derek concluded. “Meaning the attacker didn’t account for him coming home.” 

“But you said Cat Adams is calculated,” You turn to Spencer with wide eyes– things are starting to click in your brain and you need him to know you’re not just putting all the weight on his shoulders, you need him to know that you’re trying too. “You said she plays mind games.” 

“She does,” He mumbles, holding back a smile made for you and you only. His hands find your shoulders, rubbing it up and down to try and hold back the energy he knows is accumulating inside of you; whenever you get too excited about something, be it new books or a new sale, you like to ramble a little about it, and every time you do, you bounce on the heel of your feet, up and down, up and down, up and down. “But Cat also targets men. Cheaters, specifically. And… and fathers. She has deep rooted issues with her father–“

“Cat Adams has daddy issues?” You deadpan. 

“–and her downfall is her projection. So yes, they are getting bold as a duo or… or her partner went rogue.” 

“Which one is better?” Looking at Hotch, you wince a little at your own joke. “None of them, got it.” 

“Since this is an active case, we will need your constant collaboration,” Hotchner says, guiding the entire team to a room up the stairs and, as naturally as the sun sets and rises the next morning, everyone found their place at the round table. 

Except you. 

You are not one of them. You don’t have a place. 

Or you didn’t. 

“Y/N, come here,” Spencer says, pulling an extra chair next to his. And that’s when you realise that in this weird dynamic group of people who knew way more than they should, you belong next to him. 

“Thank you,” You mumbled, nervously shoving your hands between your thighs and waiting for Penelope to take the lead. That seemed to be her thing, even if she stands out like a sore thumb in that beige room with her bright orange dress and neon blue heels. 

“Okay, fellow brainiacs and dear beloved Y/N. Let’s figure this out,” Her declaration makes you feel somewhat calmer, the sounds of buttons echoing in the room. The TV goes bright with pictures– of you, of Spencer, of Cat. Her eyes, tempting you closer with the prospect that she knows something you don’t, won’t let you look away until Spencer forces you to, his hand sliding down your arm to find yours. You’re not sure if he realises how intimate this is, specially with his co-workers surrounding you two, but you don’t push him away. Instead, you open your legs a tad, just enough to let his hand slider between your clasped ones. Just like a vine, you lace your fingers with his, and then press your thighs back together, caging him there and refusing to let it go. “Cat Adams is currently in Mount Pleasant Women's Correctional Facility serving time for countless of murders. A week ago–“

“Nine days,” You say without thinking and immediately shrink in your chair when all eyes brush over you for a second. 

“Yes, thank you! Nine days ago our dear boy genius got a package sent to his apartment while you all were out on the Oklahoma case, and since he had asked Y/N to water his plants, she ended up being the one who signed for it. We assume that’s when Cat got to know of your existence. In that box there were a bunch of, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, sexual uh, sexual paraphernalia. After that, Y/N has been under protective custody with either Officer Kaper or Reid himself. However, yesterday, Officer Kaper’s house has been broken in by a suspect we are yet to identify,” Pausing for a breath, she clicked on the remote control making photo after photo pop up. Once she has a picture of the box, though, contents on show for everyone, you look away. Even the slightest sight of it has your blood boiling. “I’ve pulled all cameras I possible can leading to Officer Kaper’s house, but most of them had been turned off ahead of the invasion. They also didn’t receive anything, no notes, no packages, nada.” 

“That is inconsistent with their MO,” Emily hums, turning to look at Spencer. “But then again, her main target is Reid, so I doubt Cat would diverge from that. She is smart, but she also likes that he knows she’s taunting him.”

“We also know that Cat doesn’t know about the bookstore,” Spence says, squeezing your hand so naturally that nothing in his face gives it away. “Her note went straight to Y/N’s home. The box went to mine. It is safe to say that she has no clue about Y/N’s personal life outside of what she shares with me.” 

No one says anything while they all stare at him, you included. “What?” 

“Nothing, nothing,” By Derek’s tone of voice, you know some teasing is about to come. “And just what do you two share, pretty boy?” 

“I-I mean– no, I didn’t mean it like that,” Spencer’s face is fire red, and though he tries to pull his hand out of yours in a moment of panic, you don’t let him. “I di– Morgan! I meant… I meant outside of what we shared.  Past tense. She has been staying at my place for nine days, so we’ve shared nine da– Morgan stop laughing! Hotch!”

At this point, even you are laughing at his high pitched voice. “Spence, it’s okay.” 

“Yeah, Spence, it’s okay!” JJ repeats and you stare at her with wide eyes. “What?! You two are adorable!”

“Focus, please,” It’s impressive how Agent Hotchner commands the room, demanding the attention back to him with just one expression of stiff frustration. But then he lets his eyes run over you and Spencer, and you notice how the corner of his lips twitch. “And yes, you two are adorable.” 

The rest of the meeting passes by in the blink of an eye. You don’t really catch onto what they are saying, most of it too deep into the field of psychology and behavioural science for a layman like you to be able to participate. However, you do listen to them. Almost like a true crime podcast playing in the background, you listen to the team narrate this entire ordeal and you’re quite surprised to notice the emotions bubbling inside of you– the anger, the frustration, the sadness. The factual tone of their voices sends shivers down your arms, creating the much needed distance from it all that you’ve craved all along… and making it all that much worse. Now that you have the opportunity to look at it from the outside, from their perspective, and you can truly see how pathetic you must be to a team of… of… of super people like them. 

Sliding down the chair, you try to hide yourself from the occasional glance in your direction, but what you seem to miss is the way your hand, clasping Spencer’s so tightly like you might just float away if you let go, shifts upwards between your legs, dangerously close to your crotch. 

“Y/N!” Spencer hissed, head snapping to look at you with eyes so wide you can see the speckles of chocolate brown in the midst of his honeyed hazel pupils. 

“What?” You whisper, almost falling from the chair with how abruptly he turned to you. “Jesus, Spencer, what is it?” 

“You okay there, kid?” Derek asks with a frown so deep you think his brows might jump out of his handsome face. 

“Yup! All good!” But he can’t fool anyone in there, not even you, with his high pitched voice and the way he snatches his arm up and away, hands fidgeting with the iPad in front of him like that would erase the redness in his face. “All fine. Moving on, next steps. Y/N and I will go back to my apartment and–“

“No.” 

To your surprise, it’s not you that say that– it’s Penelope. 

“No?” Agent Hotch asks, brows raised at the technical analyst. 

“I’m sorry sir, but… no.” 

“Pen, it’s fine,” You mumble, nodding with a sad smile. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, and Spencer is too worried to see that you, my little flower, are wilting without your daily dose of sunshine!” She speaks so fast that even Derek takes a moment to fully understand what she’s saying. 

“Baby girl,” He sighs, shaking his head. “I understand what you mean, but the kid has a point. With the partner now possibly escalating the nature of their crimes, Y/N unfortunately needs to limit–“

“Limit my presence outside in public, yeah, I got it,” Nodding to everyone, you exhale slowly, only to take a deep inhale again. One second– that is all you need, one second to gather your bearings again, before slapping your hands gently on the table and rising slowly. With an appreciative nod and a joking tone, you smile at JJ, Emily, and Penelope. “Back to prison for me, I guess.” 

————————————

“Do you want to order some food?”

The whole ride to his apartment, you’ve been trying to get Spencer to talk to you. He’s quiet once his boss lets you two go. Not even the radio can make this a less uncomfortable drive and you are not really sure what is going on.

“No? Do you want me to cook some dinner?” Nothing but the sounds of him walking around the place. 

Doesn’t take too long before he comes back to the living room in sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts, hair even messier and glasses crooked– just a little, honestly, yet your hand still itches with the need to stretch out to him and fix them on his pretty little nose. Before you can say anything, he turns around and goes back to his room. The urgency in his steps makes you think he maybe forgot something in there, but then he comes back out and opens him mouth… only to close it and go back to the room. 

This happens a couple more time before you lose your patience. “Spencer!” You groan, quickly moving to grab his wrist before he disappears again. “Spence! What are you doing?” 

“Do you really feel like a prisoner?” 

His words shock you a little. “What?”

“Earlier you said ‘back to prison for me, I guess’ right after you said ‘limit my presence outside in public, yeah, I got it,’” The way he repeats your words verbatim makes you gasp, blushing out of self-consciousness. 

“Okay, I got it, I got it!” You grimace, still not letting go of his wrist. “I–“ 

Lying to him would be very easy. Sure, he can read your micro-expressions or whatever they are, but living with a profiler has been teaching you a thing or two about what they look out for. On top of that, living with a profiler that makes you heart beat faster with the slightest of smiles has taught you just how to hide what they are looking for… or at least how to try and hide it. So you smile a little, and just like him, you open your mouth without being able to say anything. 

Yes, you can try and lie to Spencer, but the problem is that you simply don’t want to. You don’t want to lie to him, not when he’s been putting such an effort to be truthful and honest whenever he can. 

“It’s not that I feel like a prisoner,” You whisper, looking down at how you hold his wrist so tightly and yet, he says nothing. He doesn’t complain, not even when your knuckles turn white, those eyes stuck on you the entire time. Sighing, you ease up a little, letting your hand slide down until your gently holding his hand again. It makes you brave enough to look at him without wincing in guilt. “It’s just that… I don’t know when was it that protecting me turned into… isolating me. You know?”

Spencer just shakes his head, a little exhale coming out of those beautiful lips almost as if you had pushed it out yourself. “Iso– You think I’m isolating you?”

Oh. “No, Spence, no, it’s not like, it’s not you,” You trying to make him feel better clearly just makes him feel worse. “It’s me!”

“I’ve heart that before and–“

“Spencer, I know you don’t want to isolate me from people. I know that, I really, really do,” Tugging him down to sit with you on the couch, you scoot closer to him to hold both his hands on yours. You two have done this so much at this point that there is no hesitation in reaching out to touch him anymore. “It’s just hard. I’m someone who thrives in routine and I was taken away from mine. I… I can’t work. I can’t go outside. I can’t– it just… it makes me feel a little suffocated.”

It also terrifies you, how familiar this all feels. Trapped, lonely, ignored. Just like before, people talk about you but never with you. They hear you, but no one really listens to you. It’s like you are nothing but a shell of a person, blown around by the wind of other people moving. Of Josh moving. Of Josh moving you, commanding you, caging you. And you have to remember– Spencer is not Josh. Spencer would never do to you what Josh did, he would never belittle you and then apologise with crocodile tears; he would never bring you high up for weeks and then pull the rug with one quick take down; he would never raise his hand at you and much less actually bring it down at you. No, Spencer is not Josh… but you are you, and despite all the changes you managed to fit in the past year, at your core, past the different hair and the new clothes, you are still the same girl who ran packing out of New York City. 

“And I can get a little claustrophobic, and when I get claustrophobic I panic, and when I panic I–“ You stop yourself before you say something stupid. “I’ve been in this position before, Spence. And back then I didn’t have you. I didn’t have someone who was looking out for me like you are, or who just wanted what’s best for me– because I know that’s what you want, Spence, I know you want me to be safe,” The way he slowly nods fills your heart with adoration and your eyes with unshed tears. “Back then I just had someone who wanted me. Like a kid wants a toy. He… He wasn’t a very good man, Spence, and he made sure to scare away all the good people I had, and at one point he started scaring me so I just–”

“Ran away,” And it’s like something clicks for him because his eyes get oh so sad, to the point that you turn your face when a singular tear escapes through your lashes. Offering him a gurgled laughter, you quickly wipe it away. “You ran away to Washington with just a backpack.” 

Nodding, you look up at him again and you’re a bit unsure of what to think of him like this, eyes shinning with something so unfamiliar to Spencer that it just feels wrong. It’s the way his breath picks up, ragged and loud, that makes you realise he is actually angry. No, no, scratch that– Spencer is pissed off. “What did he do to you?” 

“It doesn’t matter, Spencer.”

“What’s his name?” 

“I’m really not going to tell you,” You say with squinted eyes. “You’ll go all FBI on him.”

“That’s the entire point!” There he is, the high pitched voice, wide eyed man you adore so much, wildly gesticulating as he speaks. “People like that shouldn’t be allowed to… to… to be! I–“ Then, his hands fall down on his lap, suddenly lifeless and unmoving. “I–“ It’s like he is choking on words, frowning in desperation at his lack of speech and you don’t know what to do. You’ve never seen him this… distraught. “I–“

“Spence, it’s okay,” You whisper, clasping your hands around both of his like a little cocoon of warmth. This is the first time Spencer hints at the ghosts of his past, but from the way he flinches when you pull him closer, slowly leaning his taller body towards you so you can hug him, tells you that tonight is just not the night to talk about them. For now, you’d hold him, and you beacon him back to the real world with soft words of encouragement, like his very own lighthouse. For now, you’d be light enough for you both, even if some darkness still tries to creep in for time to time. “I’m okay.”

“I made you feel trapped,” He whispers against your neck and you can’t help the shiver that shakes your body. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I’m just trying to keep you safe. I’m doing the best I can, and I’m sorry it’s not enough.” 

“Hey!” You gasp, and now boundaries don’t mean anything– coyness and slow intentions are thrown out the window as you tug him closer, closer, closer, until he is practically laying on top of you. Your back is against the side of the couch and you stretched your legs, entangling them with him. As much as he tries to move, grumbling something about squishing you, you don’t let him. He needs to know. He needs to know just how much more than simply enough he is. “You are way above enough and you know that. You have to know that, Spence, you have to. Because you’re so incredible and I… I adore you, Spencer Reid. My favourite customer. My FBI agent.” 

All versions of him, all parts of him. You love them all. 

Because, in the end, all that matters is that you love him. You love Spencer Reid. And that’s a little scary. Even it is exciting, it’s still a little scary. 

His little chuckle makes it a bit more bearable, though, and he soon gives into your embrace. The weight of his body keeps you down in the most delicious of ways, and the heat he radiates is enough to have your eyes getting heavier. In the comfort of his home, snuggled up in his couch, hugging him close, you find that there is such a thing as comfortable stillness. There is peace in the unmoving. There is no need to, all the time, be moving. Because there, with Spencer in your arms and his soft breathing on your neck, you think that nothing could in the world could make you want to run again. 

“I’m sorry I made you feel isolated,” He whispers, arms enveloping you like two lifelines holding you close. “I never meant to make you panic.”

“It’s okay,” You mumble back, eyes already closed and nose buried in his sweet smelling hair. “You might have made me panic, but Spence… I don’t think you could ever make me want to run.”

No… Spencer makes you want to stay. 

---------------------------------------

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[noira-l]

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You followed him into his darkness. You let him fall apart, like a human being, and made a promise to never let go, as long as he hold you too.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader, geto suguru x f!sorcerer reader (mentioning)

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, fluff at the end, after 'premature death', after suguru defection, swearing, outburst of anger and crying from Satoru, craked trees.

author's note: finally, here we are, with the one conversation that started it all. I hope you understand both characters better now and I hope you enjoy this emotional spiral. Heh.

5 months after Suguru defected

Midnight.

The bells in the school grounds were ringing signalling this late hour. Although they were quite far away, you were still able to hear them behind you.

Your footsteps, though gentle, made the silent sound of rustling leaves. Steam was rising from your nose, from the cold that prevailed outside on this December night. Barely able to see anything, you knew you were getting further and further away from the school building, yet you didn't stop for a moment.

"What are you doing here?" Satoru stood in that darkness, his light hair standing out. He stood as if in the middle of a circle, with his back to you, a few broken trees around, stacked in different directions beside him. You had been following him for some time, ever since you saw the light in his room go out, and his white hair flashed past your window.

"And to think I thought I was finally going to get a moment of peace and quiet." his tone was rough, but still surprisingly calm, which contrasted with the way his chest was rising in nervous breathing. He inhaled, as if he wanted to add something after the last sentence he said "I should have known better, right?"

You could see that something was wrong, that something was bothering him.

"Don't look at me like that." He turned his head to look at you from behind. His eyes were covered by his glasses, even though it was dark as if in some abyss, you knew he could see more than anyone else.

"What's with tha gaze, huh?" He turned to you fully "I told you somthing, right?" there was so much iritation in the last sentance.

You looked at his face, you were lucky that his blue eyes gave his face some, minimal light, that spilled over his features.

"Stop looking at me like that. I said, I'm fine." his voice was firm and hard.

"You don't look-" you took a few steps closer, your voice unsure.

"I said. I. AM. FINE." He growled, you could see the grimace appear on his face.

"Satoru, I can see you're no-" you heard his raspy breath. He clenched his fists tightly.

Suddenly a wave of smaller trees bent or broke from his one hand movement, in the opposite direction to yours. You shuddered.

"Fuck." he breathed heavily, trying to calm the racing thoughts. You didn't know what to do. "Can't you just listen to me, are you dumb or something?" the blue eyes stared at you, emanating anger and irritation. "I don't need your worry or your pity. So quit it and leave it alone!" he shouted the last words. His tone was spitful.

"But you're not okey." you stated, trying so hard to stand, but your legs kinda tremble.

"Oh really!? And since when are you so present to be able to tell that. Hm?!" his expression was mocking.

You couldn't get the words out.

You never feared him, you never felt you had reason to. But the sight of those irises, as cold as the weather outside when they always emanated joy, just overwhelmed you.

"Yeah." he swallowed "That's what I thought." Gojo's expression softened as he looked at your worried and slightly frightened face.

There was a moment of silence, filled only with the light sounds of the forest and the rustling of leaves bending under your weight.

"You don't understand." he stated "Of you course don't. How could you possibly-" he cut his sentance out.

"Oh, so I am so stupid for you, huh?" you said calmly.

"See?! That's what I said. You're treated like a fucking human being. And you know what?" he glanced at you, with a gaze full of despise "I'm so damned jealous of you for that." he was almost growling.

"When the situation changed and you locked yourself in your own world, no one fucking judged you. Everyone felt sorry for you, even me! Everyone just accepted it, like it was nothing." nervous, his fists still clenched tightly, almost painfully.

"But it's ironic, isn't it? You're the first person who really came looking for me. No one else, none of my friends from here, or even Sensei Yaga followed me here." he scoffed.

It was just getting to you, that all the trees that have fallen here are due to him. And there were really a lot of them. You also realised that he was also disappearing just like you, only in a different way. Because of his approach and character, you didn't make the connection. Yes, you were angry with him at first, because it seemed to you that nobody cared about his disappearance like you did.

You saw now that you were totally wrong.

You began to understand why he was helping you.

"They all always think I'm going to be okey, that I am the strongest, I could do antyhing." his voice faltered at the sound of the title being spoken. "They thought I can save anything." You have taken a few small steps forward. His breathing was ragged, nervous and shallow.

"He was … my best friend." his voice seems to quiet "And I didn't stop him. And no one, not even one fucking person, except you, knows what that's like."

"They're trying to understand." you said softly, remebering what Yaga and Nanami were trying to do.

"Come on." his voice was on the verge of crying. "You know damn well that's not true." his eyes still held the same image "Nobody cared." it was a venom-soaked statement. "Not after what he did."

"They didn't ask why, they just commissioned his executions like it was nothing, like all this years he spent here was nothing! Like he was nothing! Just.." he lifted his hands up slightly, loosening the grip he'd been holding for a long moment. "… just another curser who coused trouble."

Long silence ligered between you.

"I didn't wanted this to happend. I never wanted this. All I ever wanted was for things to go back to how they were before. Before that one stupid mission, before he lost himself, before... he burned eveything to the ground." he still was looking at you.

The sight of the burned village went over your head.

"Do you think I wanted it? You think I don't blame myself for all this? You think I didn't replay every fucking conversation in my head to find any detail I missed?" you said speeding your words. "Last months I spend repeting my whole life with him, over and over again, till it shattered me! I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted someone to tell me it's a fucking nightmare and I am gonna wake up, but guess what? I DIDN'T!" your voice ragged and on a verge of cry "He was my eveything; family, my best friend, my love-"

"He was my best friend too!! You forget that?!" he shouted, silencing you "I cared about him. I fucking loved him to my core!" He gripped his jacket tightly, right next to his heart. "And now he is fucking GONE!" he shouted the last word. "Gone because of me!"

He indeed silenced you for good. You didn't expect him to take a blame for that. Now everything made sense for you. Every action he took, every word he said.

"I was so blind, so stupid, I didn't see, because of me he gone wrong!!" you could see how angry he was "And everyone expect me to just fucking take it, like it is nothing!!" he clenched his hands into fists again, looking away "Like it didn't matter for me at all. Like he didn't matter to me!" he continue to shout, you were quite close, you reached out to him, trying to put your hand on his shoulder. He caught it, holding it in an iron grip.

"How the fuck he could not matter to me!? He was my best friend, one an only!" That was his storm, the beggining, that he wanted desperatly to control. A storm that unleashed aggression and sadness in him by turns. It flickered with his mood, unable to decide where it should erupt.

"Can't you see that this is all my fault? I was the one-" he stopped, you looked away, panicked, you didn't know what to do.

"ME! Don't you see?! I am the one responible for this damage. For your burned life, for his destruction." he growled, shaking your hand slightly "My blindness coused it. I coused it." his breathing accelerated and his head began to spin.

Satoru's head flooded in rapid thoughts

"I.." didn't see anything

"I.." didn't excepect this

"I.." let this to happend

"I.." let you all down.

His whole body fell to his knees, pulling you along with him. His cries rippled the area. Thick tears flew violently from his cheeks. His breathing could not calm down.

"I.. shi-... shit…" he stutter. "I'm sorry… I don't know what…" he tried to apologize, has just realised that he is painfully squeezing your hand.

You broke out of his embrace, tossed his glassed away, and put your arms around him quickly. Hugging his head to your shoulder and embracing him all over, in a warm embrace.

You are crying too, it hurts you too. Your crying was just quiet, you had your moments of anger and despair, this one was different.

"Shh.." you coo. You were trying to calm him down.

Satoru crumbled in your embrace. He cried, screamed, howled, growled, became hysterical. He was so vunreable, so weak to emotions that were going inside of him.

"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry." he cried.

"It's okey, I've got you." you reasure him, whispering.

You held him while his storm continued.

You were here. You, little simple you, in the face of the storm the most powerful being in the world. You weren't afraid, you sympathised with him. You treated him like a human being. You cared about him.

You felt your arm soaked from his tears, but you didn't give a damn. What mattered was that he gave this one a firm hug. It was as if you were his only anchor point, that he could grab onto, as the storm battered him in all directions.

You let him fall apart safely. Stroking his hair and back tenderly. Giving the comfort and relief he needed now.

"It was never your fault." you said, gathering your voice "It's nobody's fault." you said hugging him tighter, although you weren't sure if he could hear you, you continued. "You never burned my life. You saved it, you pull me every day out of the miserable hole I fell into after him. You gave me time and purpouse. You noticed m-me, you were there for me." you yourself barely spoke through the tears you shed "And I will be there for you, as long as you need me. As long as you are for me, I will be for you."

"Promise…?" he asked very quietly, between tears and ragged breathing.

"Yes. I promise." you said, you trembling hands pulling him so close.

"I promise too." he mubled, pressing him body even closer, even if it was impossible now.

You did not expect a promise from him, but you accepted it like the most precious thing in the world.

★ --

"You okey?" you asked shyly, wiping away the last remnants of your tears on the sleeve of your sweatshirt and sitting down on one of the broken trees.

"Yea.. no, but it get out of me for now." he said taking place next to you.

Silence filled the space between you again, the subtle sounds of the night returned to your ears.

"Thanks..." he said, you passed him a soft smile "You shouln't have to see that.." he continued.

"What? Your cry?" you asked. Althought is sounded somewhat mocking. Well, he kinda desrved it.

"Geeezz, rude~ You were so nice a moment before." he smiled a little, letting his breath out.

"Sorry." you mumble. "You kinda deserve it."

Silence again.

"You know.." he started "That was my first time crying in front of anybody." that statment took you by surprise. "I kinda hated it.. not gonna lie."

Now you remeber every time you cry next to him. The number is quite emberassing.

"Growing up, I was constantly told that I shouldn't cry. It was drilled into me repeatedly." He paused. "Eventually, I internalized it, accepting this rule as law. It became second nature to bottle everything up and push it all aside."

"Now in this situation." He bent down, spreading his legs. "It feels.. weird.. I never want to do that again." he looked down "In general I mean, but if it must happend.." he looked at you "..then it's okey, if it happend around you." you sighned.

"Now I feel embarrassed, when I remember how many times I cried in front of you." you smiled slightly.

He chuckled. "Don't count it."

"I'm not going to judge you for that." you reasure him.

"Yeah.. always so accepting and ressuring. It's kinda weird." his voice slowly came back to life. He continued.

"You've always been like this, haven't you?" he looked at you, placing his cheek on your hand and propping it against his knee. You glanced at him with a questioning look. "You never judged anyone, you always…. accepted it all…" his look was strange, he started to smile a little "That's quite impressive, in its sad and bitter sense."

"Maybe" you just said.

"You cold?" he asked seeing how you are trembling.

"Well, it's the middle of the winter night and I am in just my hoodie.. so.. yeah.." you were cold from the start, the dose of adrenaline and emotions just made you forget about it.

"Such a weakling.." he teased, you raised an eyebrow.

Now you're thinking how stupid of you to go outside in this time of the year in just that.

"Come here." said, opening his one arm.

You hestitated first, but eventually you move close to him. He embrace you with his long hand slowly. You wanted to say something, but he stopped you. His touch was still warm, even if he was here longer than you.

"Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I could do after you had to witness that," he said, with a hint of self-deprecation. Clearly he was frustrated with himself for breaking down like that. "I must've looked pathetic."

"You didn’t look pathetic…" you mumbled, glancing away, too shy to admit that his eyes were even more captivating when they were filled with tears.

"I didn't?"

"No." you replied softly, resisting the urge to reassure him further, afraid it might inflate his ego too much.

"Good to know." he looked at you.

You put your head on his shoulder. You felt confident enough to do so. Your own arms embraced your body, wanting to keep you warm inside.

Another long silence occured.

"You know what?" he started, looking ahead.

"Hm?"

"Tommorow is my birthday." he stated, but that wasn't a happy statement. "And also I go on a week long mision."

"I know." you moved a little in his arms. "I got you something."

"What?" he was suprised, but also curious.

"I've got you a gift." the smile on you face cought Gojo by suprise. It was so soft, so delicate.

You were planning to give him his present before he goes on a mission. That one digimon plushie was just waiting for him in your dorm, the last one from the new collection. You knew he didn't had this one, because he was yapping about how he didn't get time to get it.

But you did.

"How sweet, em.. Thank you." he said softly, being in his thoughts for a moment "I know this isn't a right time to celebrate.. but.." he got up with energy.

"What are you up to, Satoru?" you smirked, knowing he got some another crazy idea in his mind.

"Let's go somewhere." he said and stared walking in one dircetion.

"Wait! Where?" you asked going behind him. He was so back to his typical self.

"I don't know. Anywhere! Into the city, I bet we could get some convinient store cake.." he turend around "..get your present for me and celebrate my birthday.." you couldn't say no to him when he looked at you with such eyes. Especially when it came to his birthday.

That one event that changed everything.

The closer you got to the school, the brighter it was, as if you were coming out of some other dimension.

"And if everything would be closed, we can just.. dunno.. do something." you were close to the main gate.

"Okey, fine, lead the way." you said. "But, please can I at least get a jacket in a first place?" you asked looking at him with pleasing expression. You were really cold. He got this wide toothy grin on his face.

"That's the spirit."

You passed the main entrance when he asked.

"So what did you get me?" he was curious.

"That new digimon plushie." you passed him, when he stopped. He froze in place like a stone statue.

He suddenly stopped you, grabbing you by the shoulders.

"That one from the new limited collection." his eyes wide with joy and smile wide on his mouth.

"Mhm." you nodded, seeing his exciment.

"You're kidding right?" he wanted to make sure you're not teasing him.

"Nope, I got the last one from th- Hey!" you squealed when he lifted you up in tight hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" voice so happy like he was a little baby getting a gift. He turned with you, spinning in circles with ease, as if you weighed nothing.

"Then when could I get it?" he asked, when he finally stopped spinning, but didn't let you out of his embrace. For that, your head was still dizzy.

"It's in my room, I was going to give it to you-" you tried to catch your breath and calm your thoughts, he gave you no respite and this time pressed you closer to his chest.

“Well then, let's go get it.” you knew what he wanted to do. You wanted to protest. You hated when he do that.

"No, wait, Satoru no-!"

Only a few leaves moved as you both disappeared in thin air.

As he teleported you back to your room.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

[wishful-sinful-9]

WANNA BE YOUR DOG

Chapter Five

Cagefighter!Logan Howlett x Reader

Chapters | Masterlist

cw: smut, oral (fem receiving), fingering, piv, no protection, kind of soft!dom logan?

Logan is seething. 

He can see it, clear as day, the way her presence is slowly killing you. You’re reserved: distracted at your job, quiet in the car, untouchable at home. And Alison? 

She’s been moping on the couch and keeping you up late with her ranting. It pains him to see how tired you are; getting home from the bar already exhausted, only to spend another few hours comforting the girl you had told him was “like a sister”. 

Part of you knows you should be angry; you daydream about tearing the door open, marching over to her and shouting, screaming about how much she’d hurt you. Then you’d see her – eyes ringed red – and there was no energy to do it. 

Give her that second chance, you tell yourself. 

-

You look up at him, perplexed, as Logan guards you from putting your key in the lock. 

“Promise me something.” He demands. 

“What?”

“Promise me you’ll go straight to bed.” You open your mouth to protest, but he cuts you off: “I’ll take care of Alison. Sleep. Promise?”

You grit your teeth and sigh, “I promise. Okay?”

He moves out the way. 

-

Logan doesn’t bother to be discreet when he checks his watch. It’s been nearly two hours, and Alison was still whining next to him. 

“I’m keeping you up,” she sniffs. 

“It’s fine.”

“You’ve been so nice to me, thank you. Thank you.”

Logan shrugs, “Just being a good host.”

It’s been three nights of this agony and his patience is waning thin. He would have snapped during the first thirty minutes of the first night, but the vision of you sleeping soundly kept him rooted to the couch. 

A hand on his forearm jolts him from his thoughts, the unwelcome visitor blinking up at him. “I don’t know what she’s told you, but I’m not a bad person, y’know?”

He tenses.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You do. I feel terrible that I hurt her feelings, but really, she should’ve seen it coming.”

“Right.” 

“I liked him – loved him – the minute I set eyes on him. She knew that. It was bound to happen.”

“Mhm.”

“And we’re all adults, aren’t we? We can forgive and forget? There’s no ‘boyfriend stealing’, just unfortunate circumstances.”

“Whatever you say, Alison,” he mutters, glancing down at her blankly. “No ‘boyfriend stealing’.”

“Right, so I can do this.”

And she kissed him. 

-

It was noon when you woke up, rubbing sleep from your eyes, your usual relief at the realisation that you wouldn’t have to work tonight replaced by the dread at the realisation that you would have to comfort Alison for longer. You remained tangled in your covers for a few minutes more. 

Dragging yourself out of your room, your attention is immediately drawn to Logan’s back, hunched over the stove. Then, it’s drawn to your couch, no longer a mess of blankets – and devoid of a crying girl. You check the bathroom: empty. 

“She’s gone.” Logan says simply. 

You curl your fingers into fists as you step into the kitchen. “Where?”

He takes the pan off the heat, “To a hotel. I paid, don’t worry. But she’s not welcome back.”

“Logan!” 

“I made bacon.”

You bury your head into your hands. “It wasn’t your place to do that.”

Logan looks at you for a moment, settling the storm of emotion that threatens to shake him before he speaks. “If I didn’t, she would’ve never left.”

“She was hurt.”

“So were you.”

You straighten up at that to glare at him. “It doesn’t matter what happened in the past! I’m an adult, I’m over it, and so’s she!” 

To your fury, Logan’s face doesn’t shift at your raised voice. 

“If you’re over it, why are you shouting at me?” he asks, gently. You blink at him. There’s no anger in his tone. “Why are you letting this get between us? Why aren’t you letting me in?”

You sigh and step forward, reaching up to smooth your hands over his broad shoulders. He brushes his palms against your elbows. “You haven’t exactly let me in either, Lo.” You point out softly. 

“I know,” he grumbles. “I want to. I don’t know why I can’t.”

You crane your neck, your face closer to his, your lips a whisper away from his. “You can.” He says your name. “Let me in.”

He cups your face in a searing kiss. 

-

Melting. That’s what it feels like: you’re melting into him, as he lets an arm wrap around your face and pull you close. 

He licks into your mouth like he’s been starved – and he has, having had the time you were in his lap on repeat in his head for the past few weeks. When you break, gasping for air, he attacks the sensitive spot at the base of your neck he had memorised from that night. You tug at his hair lightly as he sucks onto it, somehow not mortified at the idea of a massive lovebite colouring your skin. He groans at the action, sending heat flooding right through you. 

You breathe his name, “I want you so bad…”

“Don’t. Say that.” He grits out, kissing you firmly. “I won’t– keep it together.”

And to his delight, your kiss-swollen lips curve into a smile. “God, please don’t keep it together, because I can’t.”

He collects you into his arms like you’re little more than a feather and crashes his lips onto yours once more. 

You wrap your legs tightly around his waist, pressing against where his jeans have grown tight, feeling yourself pulse desperately at the sheer ease of him picking you up. He presses your back to the wall and gropes at your hips. 

Logan’s lips leave yours to begin a trail of kisses, down your neck, your torso – he lowers himself onto his knees, hoisting you into a more stable position: elevated against the wall, your legs over his shoulders, his hands gripping your hips as he looks up at you, as if worshipping an altar. 

“Is this okay?” he asks, fingers edging at the waistband of your little sleep shorts, itching to get at what’s inside. 

“Yes, Lo.”

He begins to hike them down your thighs, but in his eagerness forgot his own strength; they ripped, a diagonal tear from the crotch up to the waistband. 

For a moment, you both stare at the damage. “...Whoops,” Logan says, then simply rips them completely off of you. 

A breathy laugh escapes you as he promises to replace them, cutting you off when he noses at the dampened fabric of your panties. 

“You can rip those too if you want…” you offer shakily, feeling his hot breath against you. 

He smirks, and with a single hand, does just that. The scraps of fabric fall lazily around your thighs as he leans in close again. 

 “So wet,” he gloats, and as the tips of your ears start to go pink, he licks a stripe through your folds, bumping your clit with his nose. You whine loudly. 

If he was starved kissing you, he’s completely ravenous eating you out. You keep your grip firm in his hair, spurring him on as he works his tongue. Licking at you, flicking inside, routinely sucking your clit. You feel your vision begin to blur, your mouth hung open as you moan wantonly, a pressure building up in your lower abdomen. Logan murmurs praises into you, good girl and let me hear you and taste s’good. 

You cum, tipping your head back.

He sets your wobbling legs on the ground, only to lift them straight up again once on his feet and kissing you. You can taste yourself on his tongue as you kiss back dazedly. 

Once more in his arms, he carries you to his bedroom and sets you down on the bed to strip his shirt off. You sit up, clamouring for his belt, fumbling at the buckle. He gently brushes you off, reaching for the hem of your shirt. 

“Lemme see you,” he mumbles.

You help him lift your shirt and scoot backwards as he sinks a knee into the mattress, lowering himself towards you. “You’re so beautiful.” He palms your breasts, finger and thumb coming to teasingly pinch a nipple. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you breathe, laying back as he brackets your head with his elbows. You run your hands over his torso, feeling the muscles flex and admiring the forest of chest hair that reminds you this is a real man, caring for you. 

“No?” he chuckles, kissing you as he shifts his weight on one forearm to reach between your thighs. You squeak as his thick middle finger runs up your slit, gathering your arousal and pressing inside. “Relax, sweetheart, I need to stretch you out..”

“I want you to feel good too,” you whine. He grunts appreciatively as you cup his erection through the denim. 

“Don’t worry about me, baby.” He adds another finger, curling them so well you abandon his bulge and grab his shoulders, practically purring. He swirls circles against your throbbing clit with his thumb, easing in a third finger. “So tight, shit…”

“Mm!” You close your eyes, head sinking into the duvet. 

“You ready for my dick?” His voice is low and gravelly, tickling at your ear, and you nod wildly. “Words, gorgeous.”

“Yes, Lo.”

His jeans and boxers come down with one pull, and your teeth sink into your bottom lip at the sight of it: achingly hard in his grip, red and leaking. And huge. And approaching your entrance. 

Your hold on his shoulders tightens, and he reaches for a pillow to situate under your hips. “It’s okay, I’ll go slow, tell me to stop if you need to.” He murmurs into your neck, pressing a comforting kiss into the skin there. You feel the head of his cock slide against you, gathering your slick before pressing against your entrance. 

You croon as he enters inch by inch. He whispers encouragingly against your hairline. Your nails begin to dig into his back, and he feels a brief disappointment at the thought that the red marks will disappear immediately. However, that is quickly forgotten as he lets out a straggled groan at the feeling of your tight heat squeezing him, not even all the way in yet. He gives pause to let you breathe, squeezing your waist supportively. 

When he finally slides home, you feel him brush against your cervix. You compose yourself, adjusting to the full feeling. “Move.”

“You sure?”

“Please, Logan!”

He pulls himself back, until only the tip remains inside, then pushes all the way back in. You moan. 

He fucks into you so deep it makes your eyes roll back. It’s not necessarily fast, but the way he slams against that spot is so delicious it brings tears to your eyes. He’s surprisingly vocal: groaning and grunting at the feeling of you wrapped around him, sucking him in, clawing at his back. “That’s it, my girl, oh… there? There?”

He hits at an angle that makes you wail, and begins to thrust at a quicker pace, pelvis grinding into your clit. His dog tags are swinging and his skin glistens with sweat. You admire him as he admires you: the movement of your tits, the tears beginning to track down your face. He kisses them away as you squeak out a mantra of ah, ah, ah, ah… 

When you cum it’s glorious: your mouth hanging open with a final cry, your cunt squeezing him tightly, white painting his cock and trickling from your hole. 

He kisses you sweetly, pulling out. You sit up slightly, confused, before being immediately pushed back down as he presses your thighs to your front – folding you in half. 

“Another.” He growls out. 

Instead of pushing straight back in, Logan holds just beneath the pulsing, angry, crimson head of his cock, and slides it against you. Up and down, catching on your entrance enticingly. 

“Logan…” You try to wiggle your hips temptingly, but he’s got you pressed down too tight. 

He stops the teasing drag at your clit, and then-

You squeal; he begins to tap the head of his cock against your swollen clit, grinning down at you deviously. 

“Logan! Please, please–”

“Please what, baby?”

You whine brokenly. There’s an animalistic glint in his dark eyes. “P– please– fuck me, Lo, put it in!”

He plunges into you in one go, your back arching at the immediate assault on your cervix. He’s somehow even deeper at this angle, and now faster, fucking you into the mattress at a primal pace. 

You can feel your climax start to build quicker. Logan is aware he won’t last as long either; he brings his thumb to your clit to rub tight circles as you approach the edge. 

“That’s it– fuck, fuck, close, baby?”

Your lips can’t form a reply, instead responding in a high, drawn-out moan as you cream on his cock, the feeling a crashing wave wracking your body. Your release triggers his; his thrusts faltering and his hips grinding into yours as he fills you completely. 

You both pant, exhausted. You make a pained little noise as Logan slips his now-soft dick out of you. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips, telling you how good you’ve been for him. 

-

Bathing in the post-sex glow, you lie together. You’re curled into his side, his arm banded around you, rubbing patterns into your bare skin with his thumb. 

“Logan?”

“Mm?” He kisses your forehead. 

“That skanky bitch made a move on you, didn’t she?”

Logan chuckles, tucking your hair out of your face. “Damn near shoved her on the floor.”

You sit up to kiss him, smiling against his lips. 

“Wish you did.”

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