#this broke my heart for many reasons
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
👀 do you have any vaderluke / aniluke fic or comic recs?? I’ve never dabbled in the ship before but I live for your vaderwan art & i’m morbidly curious
i’m afraid it’s a short list bc i haven’t read that many vaderluke/aniluke fics but the ones i read changed the chemistry inside my brain:
La casa que construiste en las nubes by the love of my life @sputnikan, it’s in spanish but I DEMAND you read it with a translator bc everyone should get the chance to experience this fic. get your tissues ready btw bc im still hurting to this day (also i use this site for translation and it’s wonderful)
Sins of the Father by @starboundanon everyone into vaderluke/aniluke should read this bc it’s patrimony atp. it’s brutal and dark and SO FKING GOOD we kept losing our shits in the gc whenever it updated
also some wonderful fics where luke and vader/anakin’s relationship is platonic but it made me ship them so hard:
Black Squadron
In Fire this one is actually obikin. had me crying every night for two whole months i’m not even kidding. also might be my favorite star wars fic ever written? just be careful with the tags bc it’s dark asf
#also this reminds me i should post my In Fire fanart#that fic broke my heart into so many pieces man… might be the reason im never normal about anakin and luke’s relationship#LUKE SAVED HIM#aniluke#vaderwan
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every Film I Watch In 2023:
272. Si Manis Jembatan Ancol (2019)
#si manis jembatan ancol#si manis jembatan ancol (2019)#2023filmgifs#my gifs#i'm not using the other title#it's too stupid#the Indonesian title even translated into English#is so much lovelier#i really enjoyed the big reveal in the final act and the showdown#but then it turned so terribly sad#and kinda broke my heart#it was filmed and colour-graded so beautifully#but the horror effects seemed oddly amateurish#and turns out there was a reason for that#i'm glad i watched that#totally could have done without the comedic bits of course
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Okay v funny hypothetical that just popped into my head and had me giggling while driving back home from a weekend away: the Rugrats scene where it's like "why are you making chocolate pudding at 3 in the morning?" "Because I've lost control of my life"
Which is Jack and which is Killian? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am not kidding when I say that I have been having THAT EXACT SAME THOUGHT. HOW ARE YOU IN MY HEAD.
I have been thinking about this and Definitely Jack is making 3 AM pudding, Kills is like wtf dude.
Although in universe maybe it's more of a Christmas type scheme that's keeping him up.
"Jack it is 3 AM why are you still adding to the corkboard?"
"Because I've lost all control of my life..."
They suck and I love them.
#asks#legit how on earth are you in my head#jack canonically has a Christmas take over corkboard#with photos and red string and everything#one of the many reasons why they broke up lol#BlackIce#they have my whole heart
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Listen I love Ellen and Oscar but
June Claremont-Diaz 🫱🏽🫲🏻 Princess Bea
↓↓
✨ Parentification Trauma ✨
#listen I know there's many reasons this happens even with loving parents#but it's incredibly psychologically damaging to have to fill a parent's shoes for a sibling even if you're legally an adult#because your brain doesnt give a shit how legal you are#it just knows you're prioritizing playing a parental role when you need to be focusing on yourself#my most intense parentification trauma years was between 17–22#it broke my heart that June left her boyfriend to be with Alex because she knew she's the only one who would prioritise him#and Bea pumping the brakes on her mental health spiral because her baby brother didnt have a functional parent left#granted that may have saved her but having to claw yourself back to sanity bc you have to take care of someone else is seriously non-ideal#and yeah I know that their brothers were worth it and they dont regret it#but they have so much reason to be burnt out and hold their mothers to account good god#women arent caretakers and protectors because we're just built naturally kind. it's because we get left to do the nurturing and caretaking#until it becomes second nature#for my part being a big sister is fundamental part of me and caretaking and protecting and nurturing is who I am now#but the inability to ever put myself first and take space when someone needs me#the inability to turn off the kindness tap even when it's running blood#the instinct to fix things and take responsibility for everyone#it's all incredibly damaging in the long run#''southern goodness'' baby that's the gender conditioning ideal#do you know how much repressed pain it takes to be that kind and gentle#firstprince#june claremont diaz#bea fox mountchristen windsor#parentification#child neglect#emotional neglect#feminism#gender conditioning#knee of huss#rwrb#red white & royal blue
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
GRRRR. thinking abt my middle school ocs
#what if you were a priest so profoundly invested in your faith out of self loathing and hatred for the world around you#that you threw yourself into your beliefs and were so close minded because you couldnt allow yourself to care as deeply about others as you#did before. because you cared so much about so many things it broke you. so you closed off and stopped caring and devoted yourself.#and what if you found a reason to care again. one fateful day you found someone who wandered in and became your reason to breathe.#and what if he made you want to be better.#he made you remember how to live life without fear paralyzing your every bone... he was your reassurance.#AND WHAT IF HE TAUGHT YOU TO OPEN YOUR MIND TO THE WORLD AND OPEN YOUR HEART TO OTHERS#and you opened your heart to him. in subtle bitter-sounding ways that were always laced with adoration#the immense love you felt for that man who taught you how to be you.#he was always nothing but purely himself... and he helped you find comfort in doing the same.#anyway. anywayanywayanyway. this is not profound nor interesting but every time i think about them i go fucking crazy and need to get it out#the griphold those two have on me. impenetrable#gabriel is like the embodiment of my religious trauma & guilt complex & ocd#anyway. god damn#✨
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so emotional i can hardly think straight (listened to 1 song and thought of sans for 1 second)
#cherry chats#as in. the song makes me thyink of him. and. and. the song alreaddy makes me unbearably emotional as is#DONT ASK WHAT SONG IT IS ITS EMBARRASSING AND KINDA PRETENTIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! but its actually affecting me so profoundly#its. its. its. you jnow#also if youre wondering why im making so many typos. my phone screen broke and i can hardly see anything so i canr really check the words i#write on this stupid thing ….. -_-#so an.yway. i have so many frelings about this one song that i interpret as a love song for essentially no reason except im insane#and. it makes me think if sans. for a multitude of reasons. and i can feel my heart trying to claw its way out of my chest#also im going to bed i cant afford to stay up any longer cus i hce school tomorrow. bye ( __ __ ;)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour#and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like#and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma#but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to#solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately#the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or#relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but#i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just#it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks#for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just#i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw#that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get#there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i#just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the#world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO#amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so#many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like#i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones#i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of#an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and#gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this#i just.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok apparently 30 tags is the limit on tumblr and I'm putting it here because I couldn't put it in the tags
for my own curiosity, because my tragedy enjoying boggles the minds of a bunch of my irl social circle.
#poll is over but screw it i wanna rant#4 for me i think???#i don't feel like exposing my tastes too much but i usually need a good ending. or if not straight up good i need hope#like the few stories that made me unable to think about anything else for a while were all really dark#(by my standards i'm sure there's darker stuff out there)#with an ambiguous ending. but like. i prefer some closure. one book i read#it was very good and very famous but i will NOT name it here#had hopelessness as the whole point (specifically going against a system as an individual)#and it made me feel really bad for several weeks. like. i'm not mad about it. i think it was the point to make people uncomfortable#but also i kinda... need to be able to function in day to day life yknow. i can't be just thinking about amazing stories that broke me#i like angst. i'm finally in my emo phase. i want the characters to suffer but also win in the end. and if the suffering is really bad#that's probably the kind of dark fiction i enjoy. they don't even always have to win. i like it when something is basically#lost before you even start fighting#i guess it's about hope again (and having that hope crushed at the end)#but like. i still would prefer if it didn't end there and things slowly got better again#like i would say evangelion is pretty dark. but its ultimate ending was Good (I think. based on what i remember). things got Better#and then. sigh. euphoria is DEFINITELY dark and it ends just after they escape. the world isn't welcoming. they don't#have anywhere to go. but they are out and together. that's honestly one of my favorite endings ever#one of the reasons why i can't shut up about the gamd#game*#and my current favorite fanfiction has many dark elements but overall seems to be following the source material's progression#as in. things are Bad but they're not bad enough to stop trying. also it's set between two of the games#so like... no matter what happens i know how things end. which is comforting#and i guess i have to atleast mention this#kingdom hearts is light (ahahaahhahh) but also... it has a lot of fluff for sure. and i don't really like fluff for the sake of fluff#i honestly really enjoy it only in fanfics for stories where the characters don't get a break and you just want them to be happy for once#one of my guilty pleasures in fanfic is high school aus (i blame snk junior high for that)#it's stupid and the stakes are low but the characters are happy. and sometimes i need stuff like that#so like YEAH i guess i still prefer lighter stuff#but some dark stories are good. and others are good but i can't read them for my sanity's sake
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
shhh, I know I talk about my children too much. but you can't stop my love
forgot to include this at first, whoops, but I also added a little daily par tracker so I can see it all in one place! there's a separate sheet where i update my word count every time i think about it, and then this table uses a vlookup to find the most recent word count and show it as a percent and a daily par to finish by the listed due date. (the par column compares between the overall goal and the subgoal and lists whichever par is higher between the two)
#really excited i broke 40k on that first one!#but i'm def struggling with not having anything to post#i think i'd have more motivation if i had some more oneshots ready to publish but uhhh#i'm ngl i don't#every time i try to work on one i get too excited about the series and end up back over to it#which is probably good!#because i'm back up to ~1k/day across three of those fics#but 1k a day could get me SO MANY oneshots in a month you know?#feels like i'm losing out#also don't look too close at that whumptober project#as always the prompts are excellent but of COURSE i'm struggling to come up with anything i'm excited to write for them#also now for the true cruelty#i've been spending so much time writing that i don't even want to scroll through The Used lyrics looking for titles for fics 3 and 4!#like dude i already KNOW i want everything in this series to be The Used inspired so i have that narrowed down#i just can't get myself to do it!#fic 2 is also still stuck with a different title i originally considered for the same reason#also yes the used technically breaks my typical fic titling rule#they're too well-known and it hurts my hipster heart to show you all that i'm basic#but they have SO MANY good lyrics that i couldn't resist anyway#ANYWAY final vent:#i really want to write right now but i've gotta clock in in six minutes so i'm just gonna cry while i work instead#(but my side work project is going really well right now so i'm excited about that too)#(like we're meeting to discuss the timeline today and i think we're gonna be able to hit our milestones a few weeks early now)#(since i just had a major breakthrough on something i projected taking 3 weeks)
1 note
·
View note
Text
youtube
The truth 🤍
ooc note: please ignore any mentions of tommy.
#*video#*youtube#//this video broke my heart but I love how transparent and reason she is <3 not many moms talk about this#//i want to tag this as a tw but unsure how because it's not postpartum but it's just new mom struggles <3#*queue
1 note
·
View note
Text
Getting hit with a sudden nostalgia because it’s the end of the year and I’ll soon have to take an important decision for my future but I’m still so unsure about many things
#like should I go with my brain or with my heart?#in a way I’d have more possibilities in one place but it’ll come with the price of my mental health#but on the other side in the other option it won’t really be easy it would be more challenging and unsure#but at the same time it’s where I feel more at peace#now is it just because I’m trying my best to ignore other things? is it truly the best decision who knows#now whatever I choose is not necessarily terminal I could do one thing next year and another the next one#so even if I don’t take the right one right now it doesn’t mean I’ll be stuck with it my whole life#ok maybe slow down a bit I’m not there yet#but I woke up two hours ago with not enough sleep yet unable to stop thinking about that#I even thought about goodbye messages already for people who have really been there for me this year which meant a lot of tears as well#also now I understand much better how hard it must have been for my father to go live so far away from his family#for that long and what it could have meant for him#specially since some things were more complicated too at the time like ways to communicate and all#while I also understand the reasons why he did I know it also broke his heart for many reasons in a way I didn’t understand as much before#k stfu
0 notes
Text
your neighbor sukuna who lives in one of the apartments upstairs may be a rough and dangerous man, but he’s funny and nice to you, so you become friends anyway. you even develop a little crush on him, and when he calls you little pet names like sweetheart and doll, you start to think he might like you too. one night you decide to go out for drinks, and as he drinks more he lets out more about his past and you learn he is a little more dangerous than you thought. he talks about how he broke into people’s houses at night all the time to steal their things and when he finally did get caught and locked up, he had probably broke into over 200 people’s houses by then.
“that’s crazy, but you wouldn’t get that lucky with me though”
he sets his beer down, raising his eyebrow at you in question.
“what do you mean?”
“i mean that im a very light sleeper, always have been. and there’s no way you couldn’t break into my apartment without me knowing it.”
he picks his beer back up and takes a swig before looking back at you with a smirk.
“you sure about that?”
you confidentially smirk back at him.
“oh absolutely. i get woken up if the wind blows a little too hard against the window. i even woke up that one time i had a mouse in my apartment and i could hear it scurrying across the floor. i would definitely hear you open my door and walk around.”
sukuna taps his fingers against the bar counter with his head in his hands and his eyes still on you, thinking.
“how about we make a bet.”
“a bet? on what?”
“if i can get into your locked apartment and into your bedroom without waking you up, i win. if i do, you win.”
“and what do i get when i win?”
sukuna chuckles at that, almost like a villain’s laugh.
“i wouldn’t worry too much about that.”
you roll your eyes at him.
“oh please, you sound way to confident in your impossible chance at winning.”
he laughs at you again.
“i am. there’s a reason i was able to break in so many people’s houses while they were still in there without getting caught. it’s kind of my specialty.”
you take another sip of your drink and lean back.
“your specialty, huh? and you still haven’t mentioned what we get if we win.”
“what do you want?”
his tone caught you off guard for a second, getting deeper and more serious without you expecting it.
“u-um, i don’t know. you can pick.”
he smiles at you again, a devious smile this time as he leans in closer to you.
“if i win, i get to do whatever i want to you. if you win, you get to do whatever you want to me.”
time stops for a minute and you don’t realize that you’re just staring at him until after several seconds.
“what do you m-mean by that?”
he leans back to hold his beer and his playful demeanor is back.
“well according to you, you won’t have to worry about that, right?”
a couple of days went by and you were still on edge. you mentally slept with your eyes open and even kept your bedroom door cracked, just in case you really couldn’t hear him come in. even though you knew it was just a bet and a silly little game, you couldn’t stop your heart from pounding against your chest. maybe because you still didn’t really know what he said meant. and there was also the eerie feeling that you were essentially waiting for him to break into your apartment, like a real robber. like the robber he used to be. and even though you knew he wasn’t dangerous to you and wouldn’t hurt you, you were still admittedly a little scared. you truly didn’t know what to expect.
it had been a couple of weeks now and you were sure sukuna was fucking with you. whenever you saw him in passing, he was his normal playful and flirty self, and mentioning nothing of the bet. you were starting to think he was kidding, just making that up to scare you and mess with you. or you also thought he could have just forgotten, since he was drinking a little and couldn’t have forgotten all about it.
but little did you know that you were playing right into his hands. he was waiting on you to lose your edge, to slowly get comfortable enough again to slip into deep and dream-filled sleeps. that’s why you didn’t expect it, why you didn’t expect to lose.
when you woke up one night, you felt your heart fall out of your body and your eyes almost jump from their sockets. there he was, in your apartment, in your bedroom, on your bed, leaning over you on his hands and knees. when he saw that you were awake and too stunned to speak, he smirked and leaned in closer to you until his face was just inches from yours.
“guess i win, sweetheart.”
#dangerous sukuna#i might make dangerous sukuna a thing#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk sukuna#sukuna fic#sukuna fluff#sukuna smut#sukuna x reader#sukuna ryomen x reader#sukuna ryoumen#ryomen sukuna x reader#jjk fic#jjk fluff#jjk smut
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Clingy
Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (BAU!reader)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WC: 3.7k
Summary: You tended to be very expressive with your friends when showing your affection. Whether it showed in pet names or physical touch. Only thing is, Spencer thinks he’s falling in love with you, and all of your sweet affectionate actions are starting to take a toll on his unrequited heart. At least, he thinks it’s unrequited.
Tags: there’s a tiny bit of miscommunication but not too much that it will make your head explode like it does mine. Make out but nothing grown/spicy. Friends to lovers. A bit of hurt/comfort
A/N: Not beta read don’t kill me! yoooo spence is so in denial about her feelings in this but lol so real king. This is mostly from his POV but I had to cheat a few times. Hope i can live up to the hype that complimentary colors was. I low key don't like this one as much but had to execute it cause the idea was cute.
You were starting to drive him insane. Criminally insane. You could invade his thoughts at any waking moment of his day and take over his mind. Every affectionate pet name, every soft fleeting touch, hell every time you look at him, he would replay the moment in his mind like a broken record. If he was in a crowded room, his eyes would always fall on you.
After being with the BAU for a while you became good friends with your coworkers. And with that, came your habit of calling your friends sweet nicknames. Anything from sweetie, to honey, to babes, and the one that broke his heart the most, my love.
At first he didn’t understand why you were using terms of endearment that were typically used in a romantic relationship, but in a platonic way. At some point he caught on that you were similar to Garcia when it came to expressing your love for friends. Similar to her and the way she has her own sweet silly way of expressing how she cares.
Nevertheless, some small part of his heart still broke when you called him those names. He adored your sweet caring nature and the fact that you cared enough about him to call him terms of endearment. But every time a nickname fell from your lips, he was reminded you only meant it platonically.
It was his own personal torture to constantly be reminded he would never be your sweetie, your honey … your love. But the nicknames weren’t enough to drive him insane. While it drove him to the brink of insanity, he was able to keep his head somewhat still on his shoulders.
Not long after the heart warming but crushing nicknames, you showed your true love language. Physical touch. It showed in many forms. It could show when poking JJ in the shoulder and giving Emily a high five. Or nudging Morgan in his side with your elbow. You even managed to get a fist pump from Hotch and Rossi. And of course the welcome and goodbye hugs from Penelope.
You were a bit hesitant at first to express this love language of yours with Spencer due to his aversion to touch and germs. However, you observed that he would gratefully receive occasional touches. Whether it be a hug, high-five, or even the rare ruffle of his hair -which of course would be from Morgan. So you approached him and asked if he was comfortable with physical contact.
When it came to you, he was more than comfortable. You could take him in your arms and he would simply melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t say that and his reply was closer to a mix of stuttering and rambling about how you could never make him uncomfortable and how he just doesn’t like germs.
Now he’s not saying he regrets his choices. He wouldn’t ever take it back. He enjoys every single lingering touch between the two of you. Actually “enjoys” would be a severe understatement. Every single time you ruffle his hair, lean your head on his shoulder, or even just carefully touch his arm, it was as if a thousand volts of electricity were flowing through him. Like he could light up the city even. You were the best part of his days and the reason breath filled his lungs. You brought a light into his life that made him feel safe and warm.
He desperately wanted your affection, your attention, your touch, to mean something more than he knew it to be. But sooner or later, touch after touch, he started to go insane. Somewhere along the way he had daydreamed so deep he had lost his mind.
You had officially driven Spencer Reid insane.
He was promptly whisked away from his thoughts when he felt the tap of a folder on his shoulder and a light thump on his desk.
“Hotch wants to know your thoughts on the consultation from Colorado,” you started.
He blinked back into focus glancing at the papers on his desk.
“Hey, you alright?” You asked with concern. “You look like your head is in the clouds.”
“I’m fine, just lost in thought,” he answered with a small smile reassuring you.
“Don’t get too lost. Can’t have your genius brain short circuiting on us.” You chuckled as you took a small step closer to him and playfully ruffled his hair.
“I’ll try not to,” he grinned and pushed his hair back after you messed with it.
“Well I’ll be back soon, my love. Gotta go bother Penelope,” you joked before making your way out of the bullpen.
His gaze was lingering on you as you left. His thoughts started to drift to you again as his cheeks turned pink.
“I’ll be back soon, my love,” Morgan mimicked in a higher pitched voice with a grin as he approached Spencer's desk. In response Spencer turned his chair away from Morgan to hide his now red face.
“When are you two going to start dating? You guys already act like a couple.”
“We do not act like a couple,” Spencer argued. “She just sometimes calls me pet names, that's normal for her.”
“You don’t see it do you?” Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and was seconds away from chuckling. “She’s been giving you quite a bit of attention lately. Practically clinging onto you.”
“I mean I- I don’t think so. She does that with everyone, it's not just me. She just happens to be very affectionate with friends.” He answers as his voice almost cracked.
Morgan shook his head, “Oh no it’s more than that. Have you ever noticed that she calls you “my love” but she calls us “love”? Or when we’re on a long flight back home and you two are all cuddly on the jet. How she always seeks out your company and finds an excuse to talk to you or about you.”
Spencer couldn’t speak. He had so many words on the tip of his tongue but his voice wouldn’t make a sound. He sat frozen and mouth slightly agape as his brain started to go into overdrive.
Morgan's face softened at Spencer's reaction. “It’s different with you kid. Friends don’t act like that.”
“You and Garcia do.” Spencer countered, this time definitely with a voice crack. Morgan lightly chucked. He was well aware that his and Penelope’s friendship was a bit different than other male/female friendships.
“Okay you got me there, but you and Y/N aren’t me and Garcia. We may flirt with each other a lot but that’s our thing. You two have this care for each other like nothing I've ever seen.”
Spencer was left stunned once again and Morgan could practically see the gears in his head turning.
“You may not notice it now, or hell you may not let yourself notice it now, but it’s true.”
Those words rang in the back of Spencer's mind for days. Of course on a regular basis you would occupy his mind at any given moment. But now it wasn’t just thoughts about you. His mind was over analyzing almost every interaction between you and him, trying to find what Morgan had talked about. Some form of evidence that proved what you felt for him was beyond what he had initially thought.
He was recounting all the recent times you had approached him out of the members of your team. He recalled all the times you were either hanging out or on the jet and you found yourself tracing patterns on his arm. He was rethinking when you started to use nicknames around him and how it could be different with him than with others. It turned out Morgan might be right, as Spencer realized the numerous times you referred to Garcia or Emily as “love”, but in the rare instance you said “my love” it was only ever directed to him.
The idea of you liking him back had become an all consuming thought, but he was too terrified to ask you. What if Morgan was wrong? Profilers have been wrong before. He became petrified by the idea of asking you about it and possibly finding out his feelings were unrequited. But most of all, he was scared of losing you. Scared that if he brought it up he would make things awkward and ruin your friendship. He couldn’t lose you, not over something as trivial as his feelings.
Unfortunately the mental toll this was taking on his mind started to show. Not so obvious that the everyday person would notice, but you weren’t an everyday person. You grew to know him like the back of your hand. So of course you started to notice the little changes in his behavior. His ever so slight flinch when you would initially touch him. His eyes which used to linger on you and catch your eyes from across the room, now focused almost anywhere you weren’t. The way his body froze when you placed a hand on his shoulder. The way his eyes partially widened when you called him anything other than his name.
He tried to hide his worries from you, but you could tell something was bothering him.
Something about you.
His overall behavior didn’t reflect that he was avoiding you or distancing himself from you. He still talked to you and acted around you like normal. Instead it felt like he was holding himself back from receiving or truly appreciating your affection the way he used to.
~
Days had passed and the team was sent on a case. While this case was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, it had affected you the most. The victims had reminded you of yourself and the unsub and all of his delusional reasoning for his actions had hit very close to home.
The team caught the unsub and closed the case quite late in the evening. Everyone was exhausted after the grueling past few days and decided to spend the night at the hotel to rest and leave in the morning. You however, still felt an ache in your stomach from all the anxiety felt throughout the day. You couldn’t seem to relax and let that weight off your shoulders. So you went to the one person who could help.
Spencer was getting ready to go to sleep, peacefully reading a book in bed when he got a knock on his door. He placed his book down and when he opened the door he was greeted by you in pajama pants and a zip up hoodie, clearly also winding down for the night.
“Hey,” you greeted.
“Hi, what’s up? Is everything okay?” he asked, a bit concerned as to why you showed up at his hotel so late at night. He opened the door wider signaling you were welcome inside. You entered the room and stuffed your hands in your pockets as he closed the door.
“I’m okay I just …” you cleared your throat. “I know this case has been a tough one but today’s been really hard for me. I’m still wired and awake, I can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep,” You abruptly stopped your rambling to catch your breath.
“This might sound dumb but, I’m in desperate need of a hug right now,” you finally admitted quietly.
He hated seeing you so timid and closed off. How you made yourself smaller than you were, all because you were asking for your basic needs to be met.
“You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“Huh?”
“You don’t have to explain why you need a hug. You can just ask,” he said reassuringly.
“Oh.”
“Physical contact has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin; therefore, decreasing levels of stress and anxiety. Some people might even argue that physical touch is a fundamental element of being human and experiencing life.” His other way of trying to validate your feelings was of course rambling a string of facts and information from his fingertips.
You couldn’t help but smile. God he loved it when you smiled.
“So is that a yes?” you asked since you never exactly got an answer from your question in the first place. Even though you knew what his answer was.
The corners of his lips turned into a grin. “Come here,” he says with outstretched arms.
You practically ran into him at his offer. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed yours around his neck. He wished this moment could last forever. All while at the same time Morgan's previous statements were circling around in his head.
He tried his best to push them away. He tried to tell himself this was not you acting on any potential feelings for him. This was simply you reaching out to a friend in need.
He took note of the way you held onto him so tightly, almost as if he could leave at any second. It made his heart ache.
“You feel tired,” he almost whispered.
“I am,” you mumbled back, face buried in his neck.
“Do you wanna lie down?”
You lightly patted him on the back, “Don’t worry I’ll leave you be and go to sleep soon. I just need a minute
“I meant … I meant do you want to lie down here?” He stammered. “So you’re not alone. You seem like you need a friend right now.”
His own heart almost cracks when he says friend. But that’s what you need right now, a friend.
“I’d like that,” you said with a small smile.
You separate from him and he leads you to the bed holding your hand. He sits down against the headboard and waits for you to join him.
You awkwardly sit down on the bed, eyes darting in all directions of where he’s sitting. “I- what should I …”
“You could sit down the way you do on the jet,” he kindly offers.
You relax at his words and move to sit at his side. He wraps his arm around you as you rest your head against his shoulder. You both sat there in a moment of silence, enjoying eachothers company. He was getting lost in the sweet smell of your perfume; the small bit of it that still lingers from the long day you’ve had.
He started to recall all the times you two would be close like this. It didn’t happen very often. Sometimes on a long jet ride home from a long or stressful case. Or sometimes when the team went out for drinks and you would be tired from dancing. In the rare occasions you two were like this, you would tend to draw patterns on his arm or leg.
So he decided to finally return the favor. With the arm he had wrapped around you, he started to dance his fingertips over your upper arm.
He felt you practically melt into him at the action. If you could get any closer to him, you did.
He continued tracing your arm with an overwhelming amount of care. It made you consider his previous actions compared to how welcome you were now in his arms.
“Spencer, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me,” you spoke with a hidden hesitation in your voice.
“Of course I’ll be honest to you. I always will be,” he furrowed his brows at the thought of you being scared of him lying to you.
You let out a small, almost shaky breath. “Am I clingy?” you murmured.
This made his hand on your arm stop. He shifted his sitting position so he could face you better but also didn’t want to let you out of his hold.
“No, never,” he told you with assurance. “Why would you think you’re clingy?”
He saw you hesitate once more before you gave him your reply. “I was just overthinking things. Worried I was taking the physical contact thing too far or that I’m a bit too affectionate at times.“
“Why would you be worried? You’d never take things too far. You’ve always been respectful of other people’s boundaries.”
You sighed with a shaky breath. He could practically see through you and see you considering your response.
“Because I thought I was making you uncomfortable.” you looked down to avoid his gaze.
He was quiet for a second, absolutely baffled as to how you would think you could ever make him uncomfortable. “Why?” His question was a barely audible whisper.
“You seemed different. All of a sudden you would freeze when I touched you. You became jumpy and skittish when I talked to you. I thought I was too much for you but you didn’t want to tell me about it.”
You shifted away to face him and his hand fell from your arm. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your hoodie as your face went blank.
“You could never be too much for me,” he spoke with a soft voice. He tried to reach his hand out to hold yours but your hand disappeared in your sleeve at his touch.
“Then why were you different all of a sudden?” You narrowed your eyes at him.
His cheeks started to turn pink, “I- I wasn’t.”
“Yes you were.”
“Y/N please,” he begged.
“Spencer,” you whispered as your eyes bore into his. “You said you’d be honest with me.”
He licked his lips and his face turned red. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t find an escape route. He had no choice but to tell you. And once the flood gate opened, he would never be able to close it.
“I was freaking out,” he blurted.
“I was freaking out because Morgan implanted this idea in my head that you might possibly have feelings for me based on the way you act around me. I’ve been obsessed with that thought since he mentioned it. So I freaked out almost every time you touched me, talked to me, even looked at me,” he rambled on anxiously as he tried to explain himself. No holding back now.
“I tried not to let it change my behavior but I guess it did and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to give you the impression that I was uncomfortable. To be honest I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable”
You were silent for a moment. He couldn’t read your reaction. Your eyebrows slightly raised with your lips parted. He could only see surprise, which was typical, he just didn’t know if this kind of surprise was good.
“Why were you so obsessed with the idea of me having feelings for you?”
He could’ve sworn his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment.
“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Here we go. Flood gates.
“The idea you might like me back became an all consuming thought because I never before thought it was possible and I never wanted to get my hopes up. Actually, I pretty much think about you all the time so it wasn’t that far from normal. ”
“You’re falling in love with me?” you asked barely above a whisper.
“Yes,” he spoke softly with full confidence.
The only change to your appearance was your eyes widened a bit more. It made Spencer's heart sink to his stomach.
“Listen, I understand if this makes things weird between us and I am so sorry. I just couldn’t ..”
He couldn't finish his thought, you were too busy locking your lips with his. It was a sweet but cautious kiss, almost as if you were testing the waters in uncharted territory. You felt him freeze against you so you leaned away, breaking from the kiss.
Not even seconds later Spencer placed a hand on your face and was diving back into the kiss with fervor. You instantly reacted as your arms found their way around his neck and your hand was digging in his hair. The kiss was intoxicating. Both of you trying to get a taste of the other after what felt like eons of pinning.
He wrapped his arms around your waist while his one hand snuck up to the small of your back where your hoodie had exposed your skin. It sent a shiver up your spine while you let out a shaky breath against his lips. You tried shifting in your seat to somehow get closer to him. With his hands against your waist he helped guide you to sit in his lap straddling him.
When you finally break from the kiss your faces are red and Spencer rests his forehead against yours. You focus on the sound of his breath and the feeling of your heart practically beating in your ears.
Your hand moves to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job at showing I had feelings for you.”
The corners of his mouth lift up into a giddy smile. “No, you did. I’m just oblivious.”
“Sounded like you were in denial,” you lightly teased.
“That too,” he chuckles.
After a moment of enjoying each other's presence, you pull away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes.
“I know I call everyone pet names, but every time I used them with you, I wanted it to mean something more. Part of me would always hope you would one day call me those names back,”
Spencer swore his heart could give out at any second. He never expected to hear this from you and it made him lightheaded.
“This may sound childish but.. I never craved attention so badly, until you gave me yours,” you added.
He licked his lips and smiled. With his hands still on your waist he traced mindless patterns at your sides. “You have my complete and undivided attention, my love.”
His words made you giddy. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. Although, he would never be opposed to hearing your beautiful laugh.
There were no words to describe the way that you felt. So without thinking, you leaned forward once more to capture his lips with yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag Requests: @nomajdetective
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x you#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fluff
6K notes
·
View notes
Note
THEY’RE A 10 BUT... they seem to be taken. and she's taken, which is okay only not okay because she doesn't even see men in that way but she feels she has to, just ... disappointing. / cindy berman
send [ THEY’RE A 10 BUT … ] and finish it in my muse’s inbox. - accepting!
𖤐 ⸻ SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. even caroline can admit it. and it is disappointing. sure, she's taken and has been since she was fifteen but that most certainly didn't stop her from admiring beautiful girls and flirting with them.
#POPPY THIS BROKE MY BISEXUAL HEART#pls...ngl tho i could totally ship care/cindy for SO MANY reasons
1 note
·
View note
Text
Why the media CEOs will always learn the wrong lessons
Yesterday a friend and I talked about how the entire (AAA) game industrie looked at BG3 being as popular as it is and going: "Oh, we need to produce 100+ hour games, I guess! Those sell!" Which... obviously is not why it is popular. The game is not popular because it has 100+ hours of gameplay, but because it has engaging characters, that are well-acted and that work as good hooks for the players. Like, let's face it: The reason why I so far have sunken 160 hours into this game is, because I wanna spend time with these characters - and because I wanna give them their happy endings.
But the same has happened too, just a bit earlier this year, right? When Barbie broke the 1 billion and every Hollywood CEO went: "Oh, so the people want movies based on toy franchises! Got it!" To which the internet at large replied: "... How is that the lesson you learned from this?"
Well, let me explain to you, why this is the lesson they learn: It is because the CEOs and the boards of directors at large are not artists or even engaged with the medium they produce. They mostly are economists. And their dry little hearts do not understand stuff more complex than numbers and spread sheets.
That sounds evil, I know, but... It is sadly the truth. When they look at a successful movie/series/game/book/comic, they look at it as a product, not a piece of art or narrative. It is just a product that has very clear metrics.
To them Barbie is not a movie with interesting stylistic choices that stand out from the majority of high budget action blockbusters. It is a toy movie with mildly feminist themes.
Or Oppenheimer is not a movie to them with a strong visual language and good acting direction. No, it is a historical blockbuster.
And this is true for basically every form of media. I mean, books are actually a fairly good example. In my life I do remember the big book fads that happened. When Harry Potter was a success, there was at least a dozen other "magical school" book series being released. When Twilight was a big success there was suddenly an endless number of "teen girl falls in love with bad boy, who is [magical creature]" YA. When the Hunger Games was a success, there were hundreds of "YA dystopia" books. Meanwhile in adult reading, we had the big "next Game of Throne" fad.
Of course, the irony is, that within each of those fads there might have been one or two somewhat successful series - but never even one that came even close to whatever started the fad.
Or with movies, we have seen it, too. When Avengers broke the 1 billion (which up to this point only few movies did) the studios went: "Ooooooh, so we need shared universe film series" - and then all went to try and fail to create their own cinematic universe.
Because the people, who call the shots, are just immensely desinterested in the thing they are selling. They do not really care about the content. All they care about is having a supposedly easy avenue of selling it. Just as they do not care about the consumer. All they care about is that the consumer buys it. Why he buys it... Well, they do not care. They could not care less, in fact.
So, yeah, get ready for a 20 overproduced games with a bloated 100+ hours of empty gameplay, but without the engaging characters. And for like at least 15 more moves based on some toy franchise, that nobody actually cares about.
And then get ready for all the CEOs to do the surprised Pikachu face, when all of that ends up not financially successful.
Really, I read some interviews yesterday from some AAA-studio CEOs and their blatant shock and missing understanding on why BG3 works for so many people.
Because, yeah... capitalism does not appreciate art. Capitalism does not understand art. It only understands spread sheets.
#baldurs gate 3#oppenheimer#barbie#barbie movie#hollywood#game industry#media#indie media#media criticism#anti capitalism#late stage capitalism
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
Be sure to tell me what you think! Comments, asks, reblogs, anything!
I need to know that people are reading
Breaking Dawn 18- Green Eyed Monster
Chapter Summary:
Three things that are in this chapter:
1. Quackity 2. Twilight 3. A wolf
-
NEW CHAPTER NEW CHAPTER
REBLOG REBLOG
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!
-
Spanish translations courtesy @iven-vodka
#part of the reason this went on so many breaks in the second half of last year#is because fewer people were interacting#broke my heart
128 notes
·
View notes