#this boy needs a good cry I’m telling you
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i need to write consistently but silco is taking over my brain.
18+ drabble MDNI
My Masterlist🌱
Silco x transmasc!reader
this man.. this man yall. he humiliates you in the best way.
A part of being Silco’s favorite little thing is always being ready to help him relax. I’m talking quickies in alleyways, sucking his dick in closets- whatever this man needs. Time is money, he doesn’t have all day yknow.
One of the most humiliating stunts he’s pulled.. lord. This man definitely used you as a distraction tool. If Marcus is being difficult he has him sent to his office where he walks in and sees you lying on your stomach over his desk. You can hear his gasp of surprise, making you clench around Silco’s cock which was currently buried inside of you. A guard makes him enter the room and Silco tells him to sit down.
Marcus being forced to sit in a chair that’s right by your head, but you keep your gaze averted, hoping he can’t see your face. How embarrassing. Silco decided to keep talking business as usual, a smirk on his lips. Whenever he makes a point about control to Marcus, he rolls his hips against that spongy spot inside of you making you cry out weakly, quickly trying to cover your mouth. When you glance down you can see Marcus is hard, making your face flush even more.
“You see Marcus.. I like to keep my toys close.” Silco smirks, leaning over you and grabbing your chin, forcing you to look up at Marcus. “This little one, for example?” He chuckles as he rolls his hips into you again. “He’s a good boy. And good boy’s get rewarded, hm? Now why don’t you be a good little Enforcer and listen.” Silco purrs into your ear, but you know it’s directed at Marcus.
“I get your point.” Marcus mutters, meeting your eyes for only a moment before looking back up at Silco. To Marcus it may look like you’re being used- but you and Silco both know you enjoy yourself like this. Contrary to popular belief, he does believe in aftercare. Marcus and Silco continue their meeting, Silco standing with his hips against your ass the whole time. If you squirmed at all he’d pull out and push back in, weak whimpers falling from your lips. If you’re too loud he smacks your ass harshly, the sound making Marcus flinch ever so slightly.
Post meeting Marcus leaves the room and you’re left trembling over his desk, ass red as fat tears spilling down your cheeks. Silco leans over you with soft words, gently rubbing your back to comfort you. He snaps his fingers and Sevika walks in with a blanket and towel, dropping it on his desk with a huff. “Beautiful, isn’t he?” Silco muses when he sees Sevika glancing over the state of you.
“He does what he’s supposed to. Marcus agreed to comply.” Sevika mutters before leaving the room.
Silco lets out a faint sigh of relief and pulls you up, slipping out of you and pulling you into his lap on his chair. “Did you hear that?” He says softly against the shell of your ear as he holds you close, grabbing the towel and setting it on his lap under you. “You did such a good job.. making that stupid man so flustered he’s going to behave” he chuckles softly.
struggling to focus for my other writings, i’m trying to work on making them longer! hopefully i’ll have more posted soon. requests are always open!
#mickey’s thoughts#x reader#minors do not interact#minors dni#send asks#18+ mdni#arcane#x y/n#silco smut#silco x y/n#silco fanfic#silco x reader#arcane silco#silco fluff#silco simp#silco x you#silco x male reader#silco#silco x transmasc reader#mdni#arcane show#arcane masterlist#arcane smut#arcane series#arcane writing#bad writing tbh#writing struggles#struggling to focus take this as an apology#more to come#send reqs
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WED. WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONEEEEEE I’M GOING TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP THINKING ABOUT COWBOY JOEL 😭
I WANT HIM I NEED HIM I LOVE HIM
You thought you understood what last night was—anger, frustration, both of you taking it out on each other. But the way Joel touched you, the way he kissed you, the way he stayed silent afterward… none of it fits the narrative you’ve been telling yourself.
He’s totally smitten, Jesus Christ 🫠
“Joel’s snoring didn’t keep you up all night?”
Dude, it wasn’t the snoring, it was your brother’s big cock 😏
“I’d rather the ‘I told you so,’” you spit, hot and bitter. “Just say it. Whatever it is. You think I’m too young to know what I’m doing? Too soft? You think I’m a failure? Couldn’t handle the city, the job, the—”
Yeah, she’s me 🥲
When you’re satisfied he’s unhurt, you lead him into the pen and give him a scratch behind the ears. “You’re a good boy,” you whisper again, softly. “We’ll get it next time.”
Awww, the way she’s such a softie for Blue, so on brand for me, it’s just a different animal but the way she treats him is basically the same I treat my babygirl Brienne 🥹
Joel looks sincere, firm. “Desperation’s just another word for fightin’ for what you need.”
This is such a beautiful sentence and so true, ugh my heart ❤️
You look up at him. Feeling exposed, like you’re holding the ugliest parts of you in your palms for him to see. “You think so?”
And here’s another poetic image I love so much 🥲 God, how you even came up with this sentence, it’s so perfect
“You’re tougher than most people I know. And contrary to what you think, I respect the hell outta you for it.”
Awwww please, giggling and kicking my feet 🥹
You’ve spent so long chasing your own impossible standards.
Fighting for your dad’s stoic approval. Suffocating under the weight of other people’s judgment.
You looked into my head and wrote that, right? WTF 😭
He shifts, his hand brushing yours lightly, and the air between you feels thick. “Took me a long time to learn how to ask for help or accept it. Still ain’t perfect at it neither,” it comes out like a confession. “But there’s nothing weak about it. And there’s nothin’ more attractive than a woman who’s not afraid to try, fail, and try again.”
He’s so precious, I can’t even stop, I’m YEARNING
His movements are unhurried. He steps closer to you. He’s so large in the small space. Not intimidating, but stabilizing.
Joel is exactly this for me, my rock, my loyal guy, my everything 🥹
His hand settles on your waist, pulling you close as the kiss deepens. There’s no resistance. You’re pliable and willing. He moves with you naturally, like your mouths were always meant to find each other. He holds you like you’re a treasure, a prize, a wonder. Precious.
OMG 😭🫠
“You have no idea how much I crave this. Crave you. In every way.” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. The reverence in his tone makes your cheeks flush, and you can’t help but smile.
JESUS FUCK ❤️🔥
Everything you use to protect yourself falls away as you let his words soak in. You couldn’t hide from him if you wanted to. He’s not just taking—he’s giving, pouring every ounce of admiration and desire he feels for you into each moment. And for the first time in a long time, you let yourself take it in, let yourself believe it.
Look how I’m going to cry for smut, just wait for it, this is so perfect 🥲🥲🥲
You wonder if you should feel more vulnerable being naked beneath him while he’s still fully clothed. But instead, it feels empowering—like this moment belongs to you just as much as it does to him; like every touch and kiss is a promise steeped in devotion.
Ok, I want this or nothing, it's the sexiest thing in the world
He knows exactly what you need next. Filling you with his fingers while he wraps his lips over your clit. The wet noises of his fingers pumping into you are obscene-–but they're nothing compared to the moan you make when you see the way his hips are desperately rutting into the mattress between your legs.
The sight of him losing control, his own need so evident and unrestrained, sends a fresh wave of heat through you. He’s giving so much of himself to you with every movement. It’s not just his mouth or his hands—it’s the way he wants you, completely and utterly, like he’s been holding it back for ages.
This is so fucking HOT, he’s so desperate, I’m going insane 🥵🥵🥵
Your head shakes slightly, determination building even in your post-release haze. “Joel. Now.”
🫠🫠🫠
“You’re gonna get me, baby. All of me. Gonna fill you so deep you’ll never forget it.”
Yes, please, I need this right now
“Fuck,” he pauses after barely pushing into you. His eyes slam shut for a moment before he inches deeper into you, slower than you thought possible. “You take me like it’s what you’re meant for.” His eyes stay locked on yours, watching every flicker of pleasure that crosses your face.
You take me like it’s what you’re meant for… I JUST CAN’T WHY HE’S LIKE THAT ❤️🔥
“Feel that?” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. “Feel how deep I am? That’s where I’m gonna stay, sweetheart. Right here, fillin’ you up.”
You can stay inside me 24/7, I don’t mind, I’m going to live the rest of my life with you inside.
You watch, as he instructed, until you look back up to his face. He’s so vocal, so confident with every word—but his face is equal parts hungry and wrecked. Fucked out. Drunk on you.
OH MY GOD PLS 🫠
Joel sits across from you, his knee brushing yours under the table. You catch him watching you over the rim of his coffee cup, his lips twitching into a barely concealed smile when your eyes meet.
He’s so damn cute 🥹
“It’s better when you’ve got good company,” he says, the corner of his mouth quirking into a half-smile.
oh please, with you by my side I could look at a landfill and find it romantic, I’m not even joking
The thought that this wasn’t just a playful gesture but a quiet claim sends a flutter through your chest.
Awwww OMG I’m going insaneeee
The two of you fall into an easy rhythm, sharing quiet conversation. Joel’s small acts of service don’t go unnoticed—handing you a napkin before you realize you need one, making sure your drink stays full, brushing crumbs off your sleeve with a casual intimacy that feels like it’s always been there.
Again, this is so damn cute, so on brand for Joel. He provides, he protects, he’s the man I love and I need 😭
You expect to see something flare in his eyes bringing up Cody, reminding you of the way he looked at you the first night you came back to the trailer. But, you take his hand and he’s only projecting pride and confidence. It makes you stand taller, knowing he’s a secure man.
Heheheheheh 🥰
He takes a deep breath, his hand shifting to fully cover yours. “I’m sayin’ I want something real with you. Not just sneakin’ moments or pretendin’ it don’t matter. I want to see where this goes.”
Yas, baby 🥹
Awww, this made me so full of love and content, it was exactly what I needed!
And I love that you wrote a softer Joel, he’s so damn perfect, he made me all fuzzy and stupidly happy awww he’s so precious 🥹❤️
This will definitely become one of my comfort fics, you did an amazing job and I loved everything, these two are incredible characters and your writing??? Excuse me, miss, are you trying to kill me, make me so aroused I can’t even stand it and make me cry all at once? 😭❤️🔥
Thanks for sharing your art with us!
right kind of dream (joel miller x f!reader) part two
wc: 9k | other fics | rating: 18+ | read on ao3 | PART ONE HERE summary: part two of 'right kind of dream': rebuilding your life, chasing, cans, and hitchin' a ride to the rodeo with team roper joel
a/n: i battled five million error messages to deliver this bad boy so if something is weird or it seems like paragraphs are missing... they might be. i think some formatting got lost. i'll put the whole thing on ao3 asap. i am unsure what i've done to anger the tumblr hq but i apologize
@katiexpunk : here is part two, thank you for being patient, i hope the wait was worth it <3 tags: modern cowboy joel au/ team roper joel and tommy, no sarah, enemies to lovers, dbf lite, choose your own age gap, small town romance, city girl returns to the country, miscommunication, horsegirl!joel, smut, ridin' that cowboy bareback as the good lord intended, no beta-mistakes are my fault for writing at 4am and for spending the afternoon fighting god to get this website to accept me thanks to: @syd-djarin, @auteurdelabre, and @lovely-vamp-princess for support, eyes, and ideas, etc.
Joel wakes you up while it’s still dark, pulling your shirt over your head and pressing a kiss to your temple. “Sleep,” he mutters in a gravelly whisper.
The ache in your body is a stark reminder of everything Joel did to you. Every movement as you roll over sends a sharp jolt through your muscles, and the hollow soreness deep inside you leaves you raw.
For a moment, you lie still, staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment—the way he touched you, the way he looked at you. You can still feel him, the shape he carved out inside of you.
He said nothing. He didn’t gloat, didn’t tease, didn’t even try to explain. The silence felt heavier than any of his words ever could.
You can hear him outside, feeding the horses. You give in, curling up under the blanket for another hour until you figure you might miss your chance for fresh coffee from the visitor tent.
You pull on clothes, feeling hungover with anxiety twisting in your gut. Your head spins and your chest feels tight, but you march toward the picnic tables and get yourself coffee and breakfast.
You aren’t sure what the fuck you’re supposed to do now. You sit at a table, a cup of coffee cradled in your hands, your head pounding as though you’d downed a bottle of whiskey the night before. The anxiety sits heavy in your chest, each sip of coffee doing little to loosen its grip.
You thought you understood what last night was—anger, frustration, both of you taking it out on each other. But the way Joel touched you, the way he kissed you, the way he stayed silent afterward… none of it fits the narrative you’ve been telling yourself.
You glance across the grounds, your eyes catching on Joel’s familiar silhouette near the fence. He’s leaning against the rail, his dark eyes scanning the crowd, but the moment his gaze lands on you, something shifts.
Your breath catches, the air between you thick and suffocating even from across the distance. Joel tips his head slightly, a subtle acknowledgment, but it only tightens the knot in your chest.
You tear your eyes away, focusing on the coffee in your hands, but the weight of his gaze lingers, pressing into you like a brand.
You keep your distance, avoiding Joel as you move through the motions of the morning ignoring the questions and confusion gnawing at you.
The sun climbs higher, the dry heat pressing down like a heavy blanket, but the rodeo grounds are alive with movement. Dust clings to the back of your throat, blending with the faint, bitter taste of coffee as you linger near the edge of the action, pretending to watch.
You’re halfway to convincing yourself Joel’s not even here when you hear Tommy’s voice. He’s leaning on the fence, one boot propped on the bottom rail, his arm resting loosely on the top. A beautiful woman stands beside him, gorgeous with bold makeup and tight jeans, her dark hair catching the light. She laughs at something Tommy says, swatting at his chest, and he grins down at her like she’s the only person in the world.
You almost keep walking, but Tommy glances up and catches your eye, his grin widening as he waves you over. He calls your name in an easy, smooth tone.
“Morning,” you say stiffly, stopping a few paces away.
The woman glances between you and Tommy, murmuring something to him before she wanders off toward the trailers. Tommy doesn’t miss a beat, tipping his hat to you with that same infuriating grin.
“You sleep alright?”
“What?” you gape at him before rushing to fix your face.
“Joel’s snoring didn’t keep you up all night?”
“Oh.” You shake your head. “No, slept fine. Thanks.”
He gives you another smile, and you move to lean on the fence watching the arena with him. He cocks his head, his eyes still on you.
“You worried about runnin’ Blue?” His voice is warm and light. His dark eyes sparkle with his natural charm, but it’s a genuine question.
You peel the edge of the paper coffee cup, looking past Tommy toward the warmup pen. “Yeah, I guess.” You give him a half smile. “We aren’t gunning for the NFR or anything, though.”
“Somethin’ else weighing on you, darlin’?”
You shake your head. Not willing to reveal anything else. “Heard you were up late partying with the roughstock boys and their fan club,” you accuse in a joking tone, attempting to redirect the conversation. “You aren’t worried about your own round?”
He laughs deeply at that. “Nah, that’s what a heeler’s for,” he says. “I just gotta be in the box on time. Joel’s the one that keeps us winnin’.”
“He’s not a partier?” You didn’t mean to dig, but the question slipped out anyway.
Tommy turns his head towards you, but you keep staring out at the arena, watching the crew setting up the barrels for the first division.
He studies you for a long moment, his grin softening into something closer to curiosity. “Joel’s not like me. Not really.” Your brow furrows. The words twist in your chest, setting your thoughts spinning. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy chuckles again, but there’s something unreadable in his eyes. “Let’s just say, Joel’s always had his head screwed on tighter than mine. Even when he didn’t.” You stare at him, trying to unravel the meaning behind his words, but Tommy just grins. “Joel’s a loyal kinda guy, y’know? Don’t mean he’s blind, though.” He gives you a wink and you feel heat flooding your face. “Just means he wrestles with it longer than the rest of us would.” You scowl at him for that. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Did Joel tell him? Does he know what happened? He shrugs. “Just means you’re a hell of a distraction,” Tommy says, tipping his hat. You laugh it off, but his words linger, your mind racing with questions you’re not ready to ask. You whip your head away again as if staring at the tractor raking the arena can save you from the conversation. But Tommy notices.
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t tease or prod, but you can feel the weight of his gaze as you swallow hard, your thoughts spiraling. Before you can respond, someone calls his name from across the grounds. Tommy tips his hat one last time. “Good luck out there, neighbor,” he says, his voice light but laced with something heavier. “Don’t let that head of yours get in the way.”
And then he’s gone, leaving you standing alone, your thoughts spinning, your chest burning. You push off the fence and find yourself a spot on the bleachers. They’re dusty and worn. The boards creak as you settle into a spot near the edge. You watch the first few runs.
The riders move with precision, their horses cut through the dirt with sharp, clean turns. The announcer’s voice booms over the speakers, calling names and times, but it fades into the background as you watch.
Everywhere you look, there’s something that reminds you of Joel.
The set of someone’s shoulders as they lean against the fence, the low timbre of a voice nearby, a black felt hat in the corner of your eye. You try to banish the worry and the panic creeping in.
You remember the way he watched you train with Blue. The way he offered advice that sounded more like a challenge. The way his voice cut through the air like he knew more than you. The way he looked at you last night. The raw unguarded expression you’ve never seen before.
You hate the way he makes you feel small and uncertain. You hate the way you can’t stop thinking about him.
You can’t stop remembering the way his hands felt on your skin or his tongue. The heat in his voice and the way he saw through every lie you told.
The sound of someone hitting the dirt makes you snap your head up just as the crowd around you gasps.
In the arena, a horse stands, saddle hanging nearly sideways off of it. A rider scrambles to their feet, brushing dirt from their jeans with a wave. They lead their horse out of the arena and you can hear folks around you murmuring that their latigo broke and their saddle slipped as they turned for home. The horse and the rider are both fine, but your nerves flare.
You know the risks of the sport. But it makes you head back to the trailer early to inspect all of your tack closely for anything faulty. From across the grounds, Joel watches you. He stands near the holding pen, arms crossed over his chest. You haven’t seen him yet. Not really. Not in the way he sees you.
He can feel the tension in your shoulders as you walk, the way you crush the paper coffee cup in your hand.
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t call out to you.
He doesn’t trust himself to. He shouldn’t have touched you last night. Shouldn’t have let his jealousy boil over. Shouldn’t have taken it that far. But now, standing here, all he could think about was the way you felt underneath him. The way you said his name like he was the only thing holding you together. And the way he needs to hear it again.
By the time your division gets called to warm up, you’ve eased your worries about your tack but you’re still swimming in Joel thoughts until you swing your leg over the saddle and settle on Blue’s back.
Then the rest of the world disappears. Your ride starts off smooth, but Blue’s sensitivity is a curse and a blessing. You figure he must be picking up on some anxiety as he gets a little hot, tossing his head and pulling on the reins when you try to bring him down to a jog.
You work out most of the kinks, circling and working on transitions until he feels supple and responsive to your seat and legs. Your nerves and the energy of the other horses still have his ears swiveling and his head perked up as you wait for the rider ahead of you to be called.
You can see most of their run, it’s smooth and they put up a good time. You squeeze your calves asking Blue to head toward the alleyway, but he’s springloaded.
You hold him back as he crow hops sideways for a beat before you’re backing him up. You try making a slow circle before heading in but he’s still jigging with short, bouncy steps like he’s ready to explode.
You’re tense, holding him back and trying to stay calm, making one more circle when he starts hopping again. You can feel eyes on you from the people standing near the gate. Before you can make another circle Joel is striding towards you with swift long steps.
He grabs Blue by the bridle, speaking directly to him in a calming, low voice. You glare at him reactively, but the words die before you can formulate them.
Blue’s jittering slows and Joel leads you up the alley toward the arena. His steps are sure and confident as he guides you. You bit your lip, fighting the urge to snap at him and tell him you don’t need his help. The truth is you do.
“Go get ‘em,” he says quietly, turning to you.
You gather your reins, giving him a tight nod to signal you’re ready. He lets go and steps back. Your heart pounds as you encourage Blue to push off into a lope.
The moment you cross the starting line, everything else fades.
The noise. The nerves. Even Joel. It all melts away. Just you and Blue and the rhythm of his hooves pounding against the soft dirt.
The first barrel comes fast. You guide him into a tight turn, pushing him to pick it up toward the next. His lead change is smooth as you shift your weight, leaning into the next tight turn. You’ve got your body facing the final barrel before Blue pushes off with his powerful hind legs.
You thunder toward the last barrel. His strides are strong and controlled. You’ve just gotta make this last turn without taking it too wide or knocking the barrel over.
Blue doesn’t forget his training, bending around your leg, picking up his shoulder, and you’ve got one stride left in the turn before you’re free to haul ass home.
You’ve got this.
You’ve got this.
You don’t got this.
The footing is deeper than the arena you run at on Thursday nights. Blue’s hooves slide in the loose dirt. His balance faltering. Time slows and you feel his weight tipping. There’s nothing to do but brace for the impact. His body hits the dirt in a controlled, almost graceful fall.
You hit the ground with a dull thud, the breath knocked out of you as you scramble back giving Blue room to pop back up. He shakes off the dirt, your stirrups slapping at his side and the reins nearly coming over his ears. His eyes are wide, but he stands waiting for your direction.
You catch your breath, chest still heaving from the shock. You dust the dirt off your jeans and wave off the grounds person jogging toward you. “I’m fine,” you call. “We’re fine.” Your voice is steady, but your chest feels like it’s caving in.
You pull his reins over his head and walk toward the end of the arena, keeping your head up and patting Blue on the neck. The crowd claps expressing support and relief that you’re both walking.
Hot, angry tears blur your vision by the time you get to the alley.
You don’t see Joel, staring at the ground as you walk, but you hear him hustling toward you calling your name. His boots crunch against the dirt as he matches your pace.
“You okay?” he asks, low and concerned.”
“Fine,” you snap, not looking at him as you speed up, pulling Blue along faster.
“It was a good-looking run you had going,” Joel says, his tone soft. “You two looked great, making good time. You can’t help the shitty footing—”
“I don’t need your pity,” you cut him off, sharp but trembling. “Not now.”
You don’t see the way his face tightens. The anger is spilling out, uncontrollable, and you don’t care if it cuts.
“I’d rather the ‘I told you so,’” you spit, hot and bitter. “Just say it. Whatever it is. You think I’m too young to know what I’m doing? Too soft? You think I’m a failure? Couldn’t handle the city, the job, the—”
“Hey, easy.” He tries to interrupt you gently, like a spooked horse. “Nothing like that.”
“You think I’m dumb, too?” You keep jabbing him with questions as you get closer to the trailer, not caring if anyone else hears. “Just another woman that fell into your bed at another rodeo.”
“Enough,” Joel says steady and low, but you don’t hear him.
“Yeah, I’ve heard the rumors,” you snap, your voice cracking. “Didn’t think they were true, to be honest. Didn’t seem like you. Guess I don’t really know you though, do I?”
Joel’s jaw tightens, his dark eyes flashing with hurt, but you’re too far gone to notice.
“You know, maybe I was stupid.” Your voice shakes as tie Blue at the trailer to untack. “But for a while, I thought I was finally starting to feel like myself out here. Like I was where I was supposed to be. And now—” Your words catch in your throat. Tears streaming down your face. You shake your head, stopping yourself from revealing anything else. You turn away from Joel and start running your hands along Blue’s legs to check for any swelling from the fall.
Joel doesn’t move for a long beat. He stands rigid, watching you wrestle with your emotions as you work. Finally, Joel exhales sharply, running a hand over his face. His voice is tight when he speaks. “I’ll leave you be.”
He walks away before you can respond, his footsteps heavy against the dirt. Your shoulders sag as the adrenaline starts to wear off, leaving behind the hollow ache of exhaustion. Your hands tremble as you finish untacking and brushing Blue, but you keep moving, your touch soft against his sweat-damp coat. “You did nothing wrong,” you murmur.
Fresh tears pool in your eyes. “You’re a good boy, Blue. You did exactly what we practiced.” Blue snorts softly, his ears flicking back toward you, and you lean into him, pressing your forehead against the warm curve of his neck. “I was the one who fucked up,” you admit, your words muffled against his dark coat. The truth spills out in quiet, broken pieces.
“I should’ve been watching the other riders closer this morning. Should’ve caught how deep the footing was at the far barrel.”
Your voice drops to a whisper. “Instead of thinking about how I could still feel his hands on me. Or wondering if he’s thinking about me.”
The confession hangs in the air, heavy and unspoken. Blue shifts beneath you, his weight leaning into your side like he knows you need the grounding.
You pull back, wiping at your face quickly before running your hands over Blue one more time, checking for any swelling or signs of injury. You move methodically, your touch steady despite the way your chest feels like it’s caving in.
When you’re satisfied he’s unhurt, you lead him into the pen and give him a scratch behind the ears. “You’re a good boy,” you whisper again, softly. “We’ll get it next time.”
The afternoon stretched on at the rodeo, the sun climbing high and unrelenting.
You do your best to avoid the temptation to look for Joel, though he somehow has a way of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. Mostly it was false alarms and your eyes playing tricks on you. But once or twice you saw him watching other events. He never seemed to notice you, or if he did he gave no indication.
You hadn’t decided if you were avoiding him out of anger, shame, or if it was because the thought of being near him again after last night still made your chest ache in a way you didn’t want to examine. You’re still burying that last thought somewhere deep when you catch the flash of Joel’s red mare striding through the arena.
You can see Joel and Tommy putting their horses through some practice just past the main arena.
Your lips press together into a thin line as you watch them. Joel has a different aura about him when he’s in the saddle. He seems lighter somehow. Relaxed, but with a quiet command. He guides his horse in a way that looks effortless. His body moving in perfect harmony with hers. Tommy’s horse was a little snappier, making quick sharp turns. The pair of riders worked together naturally, movements fluid and precise as they get their practice in.
It was mesmerizing. Infuriatingly so.
You leaned back, trying to tear your gaze away, but your eyes betrayed you, drawn back to continue admiring him. The longer you watch the more it stirs up something unwelcome in your chest. You can’t keep letting him occupy so much space in your mind or your memories.
He’s proven time and again that he doesn’t respect you. He didn’t even argue when you laid it all out in your outburst after your run. He just walked away from you.
But there’s something in the way he carries himself. Something in the way he rides, the way he works with his horse, that hints at something different than what you know. Something that makes you curious.
You blink, realizing Joel’s head was turned toward the bleachers. For a second you think his eyes are on you and you quickly look away. When you glance back he’s already turned his attention back to something else.
Embarrassment wraps around your throat. This is why you had to avoid him. His presence alone seems to demand every ounce of your attention without even trying.
Before you can drown in your own emotional turmoil, an unfamiliar voice calls your name.
You see Cody waving a few rows down and give him a polite smile before agreeing to join him and his friends. Spending the rest of the evening with them feels like a safety buffer.
You don’t see Joel or Tommy when you get dinner. You watch some of the evening events before splitting from the group to check on Blue.
It’s nearly dark as you walk through the grounds. Your chest feels tighter with every step you take as you approach.
You’re hoping you don’t run into Joel—or Tommy and his knowing eyes. You let yourself into the pen, the noise from the announcer and the crowd are muffled by the distance.
There was a stillness in the dusk and the horses were calm.
Blue’s head swivels toward you as you approach. You pause to untie the braid in his tail before stepping between him and Joel’s horse. It’s not until that moment that you realize you aren’t alone. You freeze when your eyes land on Joel. He’s standing between his horse and yours, posture relaxed. The external light on the horse trailer casts shadows over his face making it hard to read his eyes.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” you say softly. “I didn’t know you were here.”
He responds with a small shrug and shake of his head. “Nothing to interrupt.”
You still feel frozen, like concrete had been poured around your feet. You’ve been carrying the weight of your earlier outburst in your shoulders, and the rest of your muscles are still stiff from hitting the dirt earlier. Maybe that’s why your defenses feel lower, or maybe something else has shifted, but the next words come out before you have a real plan.
“Look, about earlier,” you start with more confidence than you feel. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It wasn’t fair.”
He doesn’t respond immediately, gaze fixed on Blue who huffs a warm breath out after nudging Joel’s pocket in search of a treat. When he finally speaks, it’s quiet but firm.
“You had every right to be upset.”
You frown at that, a line pulling between your brows in confusion, and you shake your head. “No, I didn’t. I was angry, frustrated with myself, and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”
He works his jaw like he’s mulling something over, before letting out a sigh. You move closer to give Blue a scratch under his jaw. The spot that always makes him wiggle his lip. You see Joel’s expression softening.
“I’ve been where you are,” he says finally. “Trying to rebuild somethin’ when it feels like the world’s stacked against you. Trying to remember who you are. What matters most.”
You tilt your head, curiosity pulling at you. His words sound familiar for a moment. That conversation you’d had after stacking hay. “When you bought the property from my dad?”
He nods. “Bought the place after my ex split. Had to sell the business. Start over. Build somethin’ from scratch while trying to figure out what the hell my life was supposed to look like.”
“It’s not as simple as it sounds,” you echo your past statement. He laughs a short, humorless sound.
“Sure ain’t. I know I made mistakes along the way.”
You stay quiet, letting the words hang in the air.
“It’s easy to get yourself a reputation in a small town,” he continues, tinged with regret. “I spent a while chasing somethin’ I couldn’t even name. Thought I could skip the pain with sex, drinking, and spending every weekend hauling to any rodeo I could afford the entrance fees for.”
His confession sinks over you, and you feel a pang of understanding.
“Took a while to figure it that it wasn’t working. Wasn’t who I was… or who I wanted to be.”
“I get that,” you say softly. You drop your gaze, not quite sure how to say it. “Not the same circumstances, but,” you take a slow breath, “I had a reputation back at my old job. It wasn’t true but it didn’t matter. Once people decide who you are, it’s like there’s nothing you can do to change it.
You feel his eyes on you. “That why you came out here?”
“Sort of.” You run your hand under Blue’s mane, feeling the warmth of his body grounding you.
“Hated the job. Spent a lot of time and money in school to get there, and I dreaded going to the office every day.” You swallow thickly, still not sure you can look Joel in the eye.
“Then my engagement fell apart. The more we tried to split up our lives the more I realized none of it was my life. None of it was me. I didn’t know myself anymore. I didn’t know what mattered.”
“Takes guts to start over,” Joel says with a current of finality about it. Like it’s a fact. “Most people wouldn’t have the nerve.”
His words warm something deep inside of you, but they also make your eyes well up. You blink away the tears before you look to Joel’s face. His eyes are steady on yours. You offer a small smile.
“Feels less like guts and more like desperation most of the time.”
Joel looks sincere, firm. “Desperation’s just another word for fightin’ for what you need.”
A heavy lump in your throat makes it difficult to respond, but you push yourself to be vulnerable. “I came out here to figure myself out and to do it on my own. I wanted to prove it to myself. But, then today, I got so caught up in my own head that I almost got us both hurt.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” he says quietly.
“I should’ve been paying better attention. Should’ve asked the other riders about the footing. Or—” your voice cracks and you pause to slow down your spiraling thoughts.
Joel moves closer, his presence solid. Anchoring. “You’re hard on yourself,” he says it soft, but firm. “You’ve got grit. You work your ass off. That’s what matters.”
You look up at him. Feeling exposed, like you’re holding the ugliest parts of you in your palms for him to see. “You think so?”
“I know so. I see you. The way you handle Blue, the balance you strike with your dad, the way you work twice as hard as most folks at a part-time job and still have time to learn the names of every old farmer in 50 miles that comes in once a month.”
You laugh at that, feeling something warm blooming in your chest. His eyes soften, and you’re drawn to the lines on his face.
“I’ve seen the way you push yourself even when you’re tired, the way you’re determined to bring out the best in yourself and others. Even those of us with a history.” He runs his hand along the scar tissue on Blue’s shoulder. The horse that broke a girl’s jaw.
“You’re tougher than most people I know. And contrary to what you think, I respect the hell outta you for it.”
His words hit harder than you expect, and you feel like your ribs have been pulled open, exposing your heart and soul in the moonlight.
You’ve spent so long chasing your own impossible standards.
Fighting for your dad’s stoic approval. Suffocating under the weight of other people’s judgment.
Hearing Joel’s praise feels like a warm blanket wrapping around your shoulders.
“Joel,” you start, but your voice falters. The way he’s looking at you feels intense. Almost too much. You can feel your heart beating against your chest.
He shifts, his hand brushing yours lightly, and the air between you feels thick. “Took me a long time to learn how to ask for help or accept it. Still ain’t perfect at it neither,” it comes out like a confession. “But there’s nothing weak about it. And there’s nothin’ more attractive than a woman who’s not afraid to try, fail, and try again.”
The slip in his voice–the raw, unguarded admiration–sends a flush of heat through you. Shit. The praise was already overwhelming, but the way he’s looking at you now—it’s too much. Or not enough.
His centering presence somehow has you rocked off balance.
Suddenly you’re closer, the space between you charged. Humming like one of the generators at the other campsites.
His hand brushes your cheek, gentle but deliberate. Your breath catches in your throat. Everything that has been simmering between you feels like it’s about to boil over.
The rest of the rodeo disappears. Standing there in the moonlight, the world around you dissolves into quiet, only his gravity pulling you closer.
Joel’s hand lingers just long enough on your cheek to make heat crawl up your neck and coil in your belly. Before you can close the distance he pulls back, clearing his throat and stepping away. He moves slowly and deliberately, giving you space to retreat if you want to.
But you don’t.
Instead, you follow him out of the pen, your feet carrying you toward the trailer without thought.
The silence between you is loud, not uncomfortable but full of unspoken words and feelings, each step drawing you toward something you haven’t named yet. When he opens the door and gestures for you to step inside, the creak of the hinges feels impossibly loud.
Inside, the trailer is layered in soft shadows from the glow of a warm lamp. Joel closes the door behind you, and the quiet feels delicate. He stands a few paces away, his hat in hand, his eyes scanning your face as though searching for any sign of doubt.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice low and careful.
When you find your voice, it’s softer than you expected. “Yeah.”
The corners of his mouth lift just slightly, and the warmth in his eyes eases some of the nervous energy bouncing around in your chest. He hangs his hat on the hook near the door. The image of him reaching past you to hang it on the same hook last night flares in your mind and buzzes through your skin.
His movements are unhurried. He steps closer to you. He’s so large in the small space. Not intimidating, but stabilizing.
“Earlier,” he begins, “when I said I respect the hell outta you… I meant it.”
He takes your hand in his, his fingers warm and solid. Your senses are heightened from the emotionally raw conversation, from his touch, and the warm, spiced scent of him wrapping around you. “I see how hard you’ve worked, how much you’ve sacrificed to be here. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
He cups your cheek, his thumb brushing over your skin with a tenderness that makes your heart ache.
“You’re incredible,” he murmurs, his voice dripping with awe.
“And you’ve got no idea how much I—”
He cuts himself off, searching your face. His breath is warm, so close to your face. His lips look soft, so close to yours.
You close the distance, your lips meeting his in a kiss that’s nothing like the night before. It’s tender. Slow. Sprawling. Unspoken affection passes between you with the slip of your tongues and the soft sounds in your throat.
Joel’s mind blanks for a moment, every thought and worry dissolving into the sensation of your lips on his. Softer than he ever let himself imagine, a sweetness he didn’t think he deserved. The warmth of you seeps into him, steadying him even as it sends electricity down his spine.
His hand settles on your waist, pulling you close as the kiss deepens. There’s no resistance. You’re pliable and willing. He moves with you naturally, like your mouths were always meant to find each other. He holds you like you’re a treasure, a prize, a wonder. Precious.
So soft, he thinks, his thumb grazing the curve of your waist. Every inch of you pressed against him feels like fire and solace all at once. His other hand roams over your back, the delicate shift of muscle beneath his palm grounding him in the reality that you’re here, with him.
Your fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, tugging him closer, but there’s no space left between you. His palm glides down your spine, lighting you from within. When you break apart, softly breathing in each other’s air, his forehead rests against yours, eyes dark and soft as they hold your gaze.
“You have no idea how much I crave this. Crave you. In every way.” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. The reverence in his tone makes your cheeks flush, and you can’t help but smile.
“I might have some idea,” you reply, your voice just as quiet, but your smile grows wider.
Then he kisses you again, this time with more urgency, his hands moving to your hips and guiding you toward the bed. His touch is everywhere, his lips tracing a path from your mouth to your jaw, down the curve of your neck, each kiss making you feel lighter and warmer.
He continues to pour his confessions into your skin between each article of clothing he pulls off of you. "I thought I’d never have this. Never have you. But here you are, and you’re perfect." The words spill out of him unbidden, each one carrying a weight he’s carried for far too long. His hands tremble slightly as he leaves a wet trail of kisses down your clavicle, between the swell of your breasts, over the smooth fabric of your bra.
"I used to hate that I wanted you, that I thought about having you like this. But I don’t want to stop, sweetheart.” He unclasps your bra and slips the straps over your shoulders, replacing the cups with his palms, kneading your plush flesh. The warmth of your skin beneath his hands sends sparks through him, and he leans in, brushing his lips over the sensitive peaks.
“Don’t want you to stop,” you murmur back. He hums in response to you, rolling your nipples between his fingers before taking his time mouthing, sucking, licking at each of them until you moan and arch toward him.
“I spent too many nights trying not to think about you,” he confesses, his voice dipping lower. “And cursing myself for it.” He shifts down, between your legs to pull your jeans off. It feels like he’s just handed you a piece of himself you didn’t expect to see. The idea of him, alone and thinking about you, shifts something in your mind. It’s not just desire he carries for you. Is it something deeper?
He runs his hands along your bare legs, warm against your smooth skin. He already looks wrecked and he’s still fully clothed. You reach for him, but he shakes his head, dipping to line another path of kisses down your belly, to the sensitive skin inside the top of your thighs. His lips press against your skin, reverent, as if trying to memorize the feel of you beneath him.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice rough with need. His admiration and desire are intense, making you feel stripped bare in an emotional way. He’s not just saying it; he means it in a way that feels different from casual compliments.
Everything you use to protect yourself falls away as you let his words soak in. You couldn’t hide from him if you wanted to. He’s not just taking—he’s giving, pouring every ounce of admiration and desire he feels for you into each moment. And for the first time in a long time, you let yourself take it in, let yourself believe it.
The heat of his touch and the need in his eyes have your core aching for attention. His breath ghosting over your swollen cunt makes you shudder with need.
When his lips press against the thin fabric still covering you, you arch into him. You feel him smile against you, breathing deeply before he slides his hands beneath your thighs, cupping your ass to tilt your hips before he descends again.
He kisses and sucks at your clit through your soaked panties without a care for the lewd sounds filling the small room. He doesn’t stop. It’s warm and wet, and the pressure makes you feel needy. You roll your hips seeking more contact, and he moans against you, the sound vibrating through you causing you to gasp and call out his name.
He looks up at you before pulling your underwear off and pausing to stare at your glistening cunt, before taking all of you in. His eyes dart to your face, all of your exposed skin, and back to your eyes.
“I never thought I’d actually get to touch you. To kiss you. Taste you like this.” His voice is hoarse, barely audible over the sound of your breath.
“Please, Joel.” He’s like a dream between your legs. His mouth, his tongue, his hands, his fingers. He uses everything with expert precision, bringing you closer and closer and erasing every worry, every stress.
You wonder if you should feel more vulnerable being naked beneath him while he’s still fully clothed. But instead, it feels empowering—like this moment belongs to you just as much as it does to him; like every touch and kiss is a promise steeped in devotion.
His hips press into the mattress involuntarily, seeking relief for his throbbing cock as he continues to worship you with his mouth. You thread your fingers through his hair as he dips his tongue inside of you. “Oh, fuck.” Your voice is hoarse and ragged already.
He knows exactly what you need next. Filling you with his fingers while he wraps his lips over your clit. The wet noises of his fingers pumping into you are obscene-–but they're nothing compared to the moan you make when you see the way his hips are desperately rutting into the mattress between your legs.
The sight of him losing control, his own need so evident and unrestrained, sends a fresh wave of heat through you. He’s giving so much of himself to you with every movement. It’s not just his mouth or his hands—it’s the way he wants you, completely and utterly, like he’s been holding it back for ages.
It tips you over the edge, chanting his name like a prayer as your release crashes through you. Your walls contract around his fingers and your muscles tense as he groans into your wet flesh before pulling back.
“That’s it,” he murmurs from between your legs, “you did good for me, baby. You’re so good for me.”
You’re boneless as the words melt into you. But you know you wanted to say something before he made your vision blur.
Your breath comes in slow, uneven waves as you blink at the ceiling, reality slowly settling back into your body. He’s watching you, his eyes dark and heavy with affection and need, and you realize the thought that had slipped away moments ago was this: you need to feel him, to see him.
“Joel,” you manage, your voice low and hoarse, your fingers brushing weakly at his forearm. He raises an eyebrow, a ghost of a smirk touching his lips as he leans closer.
“What is it, baby?”
You swallow hard, the words tangled in your throat as you try to gather your strength. “Off,” you rasp, fingers tugging weakly at the fabric of his shirt.
He chuckles softly, the sound vibrating against your skin as he leans down to kiss your temple. “Gimme a minute, sweetheart. Let me make sure you’re all right first.”
Your head shakes slightly, determination building even in your post-release haze. “Joel. Now.”
Something in your voice snaps the tension in him. His jaw tightens, his hands moving to the hem of his shirt in one smooth motion, tugging it over his head.
The sight of him leaves you breathless. Broad shoulders tapering to a firm waist, his skin golden and littered with scars and years of hard work. He looks wrecked, his chest rising and falling as though he’s been holding himself back for too long.
“Goddamn,” you whisper, as your mouth hangs open. Your gaze drops lower, taking in the soft lines of his abdomen, and the trail of dark hair leading to the waistband of his jeans.
And then, as he unbuttons them and pushes them down, his cock springs free, thick and flushed and so fucking perfect it sends a scalding wave of desire rolling through you.
You’re expression fills Joel with pride. The hunger in your eyes makes his cock twitch, the intensity of your gaze threatening to knock him over right there.
You sit up slightly, your hand reaching for him, but he catches your wrist gently, shaking his head. “Not like that,” he murmurs, his voice rough as gravel. He eases you back onto the mattress, his hands warm and firm against your hips. “Not this time, baby.”
You whine softly, your need pulsing through every word. “Please, fuck, I need you.”
His pupils blow wide, his breathing uneven as he settles between your legs. “You need me?” he repeats, his tone darkening, the words laced with a feral edge that makes you dizzy.
“You’re gonna get me, baby. All of me. Gonna fill you so deep you’ll never forget it.”
The shift in his tone sends a fresh rush of slick between your thighs. His hand trails up your side, his thumb brushing the underside of your breast as he watches you.
“Gonna make you mine. Gonna keep you so full of me you’ll feel it in you every time you move.”
The possessiveness in his voice makes your body burn, your hips rocking up toward him involuntarily. “Joel, please,” you beg, your voice raw and edged with frustration as he drags the blunt head of his cock through your slick folds, teasing you.
“Fuck,” he pauses after barely pushing into you. His eyes slam shut for a moment before he inches deeper into you, slower than you thought possible. “You take me like it’s what you’re meant for.” His eyes stay locked on yours, watching every flicker of pleasure that crosses your face.
You gasp as he reaches the deepest part of you, his hips flush against yours, his cock filling you completely. “Look at you,” he coos. “Such a good girl for me.” The sensation is overwhelming, every nerve ending sparking to life as he stills for a moment, letting you adjust.
“Feel that?” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. “Feel how deep I am? That’s where I’m gonna stay, sweetheart. Right here, fillin’ you up.”
Your walls flutter around him, your body already begging for more. “Joel,” you whisper, your nails digging into his shoulders. “Move. Please.”
He obliges, his hips pulling back before driving forward again, dragging out the intensity of every sensation. His forehead drops to yours, his breath hot against your lips as he whispers praise between each movement. “You’re so good for me, baby. So damn good.”
Your body writhes beneath him, the pleasure building with each heavy stroke. “More,” you whisper. “Please, Joel. I need more.”
The last of his restraint dissolves as he grips your hips and begins to move harder, faster, his cock hitting so deep you swear you can feel it everywhere. The pace steals the breath from your lungs, threatening to consume you.
“That’s it,” he growls, his voice rough and unrestrained. “Take it. All of me.”
Your cries fill the air, his name falling from your lips over and over. His hands hold you steady, keeping you exactly where he wants you as he claims you.
“Look at you,” he rasps, his gaze locked on the spot where your bodies meet, where his cock disappears every time he sinks into you. “So perfect, takin’ me so well. Made for this. Made for me.”
You watch, as he instructed, until you look back up to his face. He’s so vocal, so confident with every word—but his face is equal parts hungry and wrecked. Fucked out. Drunk on you.
Again it’s the deep satisfaction you get from his unrestrained desire that makes you come with a blinding intensity. You try to tell him how close you are before you’re violently sucked into the sensations.
Your walls clench around him, making him shudder and groan. You try to beg him to come too. To fill you up. You’re unsure if the words make it past your thoughts, but he’s pulled into it with you either way.
Moments later, a deep groan vibrates through his chest as he tenses and his hips jerk against you. It feels like bliss, the sensation of his cock pulsing within you, the heat of his release coating your walls as they flutter around him.
The room falls into a warm quiet, the only sounds are your ragged breaths and the faint sounds of people laughing and shouting at another campsite, reminding you the rest of the world still exists.
Joel’s weight presses into you, grounding you in the present. He doesn’t pull away, softening inside of you as you breathe through the aftershocks of your orgasms.
“Stay with me,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible as he presses a kiss to your temple. “Just stay with me.”
He shifts you both just enough to hold tight against his chest, his lips brushing your temple as his hand smooths down your side. “So good,” he murmurs, “so perfect,” voice rough but soft in a way that makes your chest ache.
The early morning sun stretches over the rodeo grounds, bathing everything in a wash of pink hues. You wake to the soft hum of voices outside the trailer and the thud of a bale of hay being dropped just outside the trailer.
Joel’s weight shifts beside you as he stirs, his arm tightening around your waist for a moment before he lets out a soft, sleepy grunt. The sound pulls a smile to your lips as you turn to face him. His eyes blink open slowly, still heavy with sleep, and he offers you a lazy smile that you mirror involuntarily.
“Mornin’, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice gravelly and low.
“Morning,” you whisper back, your fingers brushing over his stubbled jaw.
There’s a content silence between you before a loud knock rattles the trailer door, making you both jump. Tommy’s voice rings out cheerfully, "Y’all better get movin’ if you don’t wanna miss breakfast."
Joel groans, dropping his head back against the pillow with a dramatic sigh. "That boy’s got the worst damn timing."
You stifle a laugh, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before sliding out of bed to get dressed. Joel watches you for a moment, his gaze warm and unguarded, before he stretches and follows suit.
The three of you sit at a picnic table near the cook tent, balancing plates of eggs, bacon, and biscuits as the camp buzzes with early morning energy. Joel sits across from you, his knee brushing yours under the table. You catch him watching you over the rim of his coffee cup, his lips twitching into a barely concealed smile when your eyes meet.
Tommy, oblivious as ever, chatters on about their schedule and the competition, occasionally tossing in jokes that have you laughing despite yourself. Joel leans back in his seat, his body language is relaxed but his eyes are constantly flicking to you.
When Tommy excuses himself to check on their horses, Joel leans forward, his voice low and teasing. “You’re not real subtle, you know.”
You shoot him a mock glare, your cheeks warming. “Says the man who’s been staring at me all morning.”
“Can’t help it.” Joel shrugs.
Later, you find yourself perched on the edge of a fence near the arena, watching Joel and Tommy warm up their horses. Their movements are fluid and synchronized; you openly admire their skill.
Tommy tips his hat to you with a grin as they pass, and you wave back, your gaze inevitably drifting back to Joel. He glances your way, his dark eyes meeting yours briefly, and the corner of his mouth lifts in a small, private smile that makes your heart skip.
The arena is alive with energy as their division gets underway. You lean against the rail, your fingers gripping the cool metal as you watch Joel and Tommy back their horses into the box.
The chute gate flies open, the steer bolting into the arena with Joel and Tommy in swift pursuit. Joel’s rope swings in a perfect arc, catching the steer cleanly around the horns as Tommy moves in to secure the heels. The crowd cheers as they pull the steer to a stop, their time flashing on the scoreboard.
The announcer calls their time and updates the standings. Joel and Tommy have the best time in their division so far.
You can’t help but cheer, your voice lost in the noise of the crowd as Joel and Tommy ride back toward the holding pen, their smiles wide and triumphant. Joel catches your eye as he passes, tipping his hat to you with a grin that makes your stomach flutter.
When they dismount near the gate, you meet them with a smile. "You two make that look way too easy."
Tommy laughs. "He’s the header," he tilts his head toward Joel. “I can’t do shit if he misses.”
Joel shakes his head, deflecting the comment.
“It’s a team event,” you counter. “Both of you are good at what you do.”
“We should bring her with us more often,” Tommy jokes.
Joel gives you another warm look with unspoken words.
“Your head wouldn’t fit in your damn hat if you had someone talking you up after every run,” Joel mocks. As they both swing their legs over the back of their saddles. You turn to watch as they lead their horses back to the trailer. You want to follow and stay close to Joel for the rest of the day, but you stay put.
Trying not to let Tommy in on whatever’s happening between the two of you until you figure it out for yourself. Instead, you head back to the fence to watch the next pair of team ropers. You’d rather be near him, but staying put feels safer—for now.
The afternoon sun dips lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the rodeo grounds. You sit beside Joel on the bleachers, the two of you a quiet bubble of calm amid the hum of spectators around you. The events continue below—tie-down ropers hopping into the dirt, saddle bronc riders gripping for dear life trying to stick it out for eight seconds, bareback riders up next.
Joel leans back, one arm draped across the bench behind you, his body close enough that the heat of him radiates against your side. He’s quiet, but his presence feels steady and grounding. Every so often, his knee brushes yours, the brief contact enough to send a subtle thrill through you.
“You doin’ all right?” Joel asks, his voice low and soft. His gaze lingers on you, dark eyes warm but searching.
“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “This is nice. I didn’t think I’d enjoy just sitting and watching this much.”
“It’s better when you’ve got good company,” he says, the corner of his mouth quirking into a half-smile.
Your cheeks warm, but you’re spared from responding by the announcer introducing the next rider. Joel shifts beside you, his attention briefly pulled to the arena. You let yourself steal a glance at him—the sharp line of his jaw and the quiet confidence in his posture. He catches you looking and tips his hat, the subtle smirk that follows sending warmth blooming in your chest.
As the next rider lines up, Joel pulls his hat off, setting it on your lap. You blink, startled, and look at him.
“Put it on,” he says simply, his tone casual, but there’s something in his eyes—a quiet intensity that makes your breath hitch.
You hesitate for only a moment before lifting the Stetson and settling it on your head. It’s big, a little too big, but it smells faintly of leather and him. Joel’s gaze lingers on you, his lips curving into a soft smile that feels like it’s meant just for you.
“Looks good on you,” he murmurs, his voice low enough that only you can hear.
The weight of the gesture settles over you—the tradition, the meaning behind it. The thought that this wasn’t just a playful gesture but a quiet claim sends a flutter through your chest. You’re not sure what to say, so you lean into his side slightly, letting the moment and the warmth of him settle over you like a blanket.
Later, as the afternoon begins to mellow, Joel takes your hand and guides you to the cook tent for dinner. It feels almost natural to walk hand in hand, weaving through the crowd of people. The smell of barbecue wafts through the air, mingling with the sounds of quiet conversations and laughter from the other riders and their families.
Joel insists on getting your plate, waving you off with a playful, “Sit tight. I’ll take care of you.” You settle at a nearby table, watching as he weaves through the crowd with ease, stopping to exchange a word or two with acquaintances before returning with two heaping plates.
The two of you fall into an easy rhythm, sharing quiet conversation. Joel’s small acts of service don’t go unnoticed—handing you a napkin before you realize you need one, making sure your drink stays full, brushing crumbs off your sleeve with a casual intimacy that feels like it’s always been there.
For a moment, it’s easy to forget you’re at a rodeo. The noise and bustle fade into the background, leaving just the two of you in a comfortable bubble of companionship. Joel’s low chuckle as you tell him a story about your first job, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, the warmth in his voice when he says your name—it all feels so natural, like this is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
As the sun begins to dip lower, casting a golden glow across the grounds, Joel stands and offers you his hand. “Come on,” he says, his voice soft but firm. “Let’s find a good spot for the bull riders. We can cheer for your new friend.”
You expect to see something flare in his eyes bringing up Cody, reminding you of the way he looked at you the first night you came back to the trailer. But, you take his hand and he’s only projecting pride and confidence. It makes you stand taller, knowing he’s a secure man.
He leads you back toward the bleachers. The two of you settle in as the crowd starts to gather, the energy of the evening event buzzing around you. Joel drapes his arm casually along the back of the bench again, his fingers brushing lightly against your shoulder. It’s a small gesture, but it grounds you, making you feel like you’re exactly where you belong.
Tommy and the woman you’ve seen him spending most of the weekend with join you to watch a few rounds. You tense as they come toward the steps, shifting to create space between you and Joel, trying to seem casual. You feel Joel’s eyes on you, but he doesn’t say anything about your move.
Tommy shoots you a wink before they take the seats next to you. It makes you squirm, but you tell yourself he’s always just playful like that. Too charming for his own good.
They stay and chat long enough to finish their drinks before heading back to watch the rest of the event with her group of friends.
Joel stays seated beside you, his arm still draped casually along the back of the bench, his other hand resting on his thigh. There’s a comfortable silence between you, the kind that feels like its own kind of conversation.
Finally, Joel clears his throat, turning slightly to face you. There’s a flicker of hesitation in his eyes, but it’s quickly replaced with something earnest and determined.
“I know this might be the wrong time to bring this up,” he begins, commanding your attention just with the timbre of his voice pulling at your heart, “but I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding about where I’m at.”
You tilt your head, curiosity piqued. “Where you’re at?”
He nods, his gaze holding yours. “Look, I know your dad’s a good man, and I don’t want to cross any lines. But I also don’t want to miss my chance with you.” He pauses, his hand brushing against yours where it rests on your lap. “I don’t want this to be our only day together, and I won’t have you sneakin’ out your bedroom window and hoppin’ the fence to see me. S’just not the kind of man I am.”
Your heart stutters as his words sink in. There’s no wavering in his voice, no attempt to downplay what he’s saying. He’s laying it out plainly, his honesty disarming in a way you didn’t expect.
“So what are you saying?” you ask softly, your voice barely above a whisper.
He takes a deep breath, his hand shifting to fully cover yours. “I’m sayin’ I want something real with you. Not just sneakin’ moments or pretendin’ it don’t matter. I want to see where this goes.”
Your chest swells. You nod slowly, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’d like that.” Relief washes over his face, and he leans close to you.
You laugh softly, shaking your head. “Well, if you’re such a true-blue cowboy, you’re gonna have to be the one to tell my dad.”
Joel nods. “I’ll handle it.” His voice is quieter, but honest. His gaze seems to look a little far away.
You squeeze his hand. “We’ll handle it.” You give him an encouraging smile. “Don’t have to do everything by ourselves right?”
He gives you a warm look. “Right.” He dips toward you for a chaste kiss. It’s sweet and playful. “Just don’t make me wait too long to take you out proper,” he rumbles as he pulls his head back.
You laugh airily, leaning into his side as he pulls you closer. The warmth of his arm around you, the weight of his hat still on your head, and the quiet promise of what’s to come settle over you, the world around you fading into a comfortable hum of possibilities for you and your cowboy Joel.
thank you for reading! pls let me know what you think <3
dividers by @/saradika-graphics tags for babes in case they want some cowboy joel: @lovely-vamp-princess @gothcsz @auteurdelabre @adoreyouusugar @swankyorange @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ivoryandflame @indiegirlunited @syd-djarin @harriedandharassed
@bbyanarchist @94namkooksworld
#pedrostories#pedrostoriesgift24#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller smut#cowboy!joel miller#pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us
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a/n: a drabble for @rainy19days, who requested the boys having a snowball fight. I decided to extend upon the ski trip chapter from last year's Christmas update. enjoy! <3
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“This was the worst fucking idea.”
“You’re doing great,” He Tian says. He offers both gloved hands to Guan Shan, who sits flat on his ass in the middle of the slope. His thighs and calves burn from the exertion. His core has started to ache, too, from the effort of pulling himself back to his feet every time he falls. He has half a mind to unclasp his boots from his snowboard and walk the rest of the way down the mountain.
Guan Shan slaps away his hands. “I’m never doing this again,” he grumbles, a bit breathless, ski goggles pressing imprints on his face. He Tian smiles.
“Well, we’ve still got two nights left at the resort. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the trip in the saunas and hot tubs with you, though.”
Guan Shan gives him a look. “I’m sure you wouldn’t.”
He Tian winks, then offers his hands again. “Come on. We'll take a break at the lodge. I can carry you back down the slope again if you’d like,” he suggests warmly, and Guan Shan has a scathing rejection on his tongue when he suddenly hears Zheng Xi, further upslope.
“Left, Jian Yi! Left!”
There’s the sound of scraping snow, rapidly and frantically approaching from behind, and He Tian’s expression as he looks up tells Guan Shan there’s no avoiding what’s inevitably coming. He Tian reaches for him — to do what, Guan Shan has no idea — but there’s no use.
Guan Shan hears, “Oh shit!” before he’s plowed over by Jian Yi’s skis.
It knocks the breath out of him, a knee knocking his temple as he's shoved forward in a plume of snow, a momentary tangle of limbs and equipment leaving bruises underneath his outerwear. The impact is gone just as quickly as it came, leaving him disoriented. He’s going to feel this in the morning. He Tian curses.
When Guan Shan gets his bearings and pulls himself out of the snow, contorted and wheezing but intact, he looks up to find Jian Yi still on the move — slower, but still out of control. He’s in a half-squat, somehow upright, wobbling and flailing as his skis point directly downhill, quickly gaining speed again.
“I’m sorry!” he’s crying over his shoulder. “I can’t stop! Fuck me!”
“Fuckin’ — help him,” Guan Shan chokes out, because there’s a crowd of other skiers sharing the slope with them and the last thing they need is a lawsuit. He Tian, who narrowly managed to avoid becoming a casualty, grimaces as he helps brush snow off Guan Shan, holding his face, checking for injuries.
“I’ll help him alright,” he mutters, low. He turns to follow Jian Yi just as Zheng Xi catches up, skidding to a stop next to Guan Shan.
“Shit, you okay?” Zheng Xi asks, though he’s looking after the other two. They can hear Jian Yi's cries for help growing distant. He Tian is moving with purpose, weaving down the mountain.
“Concussed, maybe, but what’s fucking new. Help me up. He Tian is going to kill him.”
By the time Guan Shan and Zheng Xi find them at the bottom of the slope, it’s too late. He Tian has already dragged Jian Yi to the tree line to avoid traffic, his snowboard discarded. Jian Yi is scrambling backward in the snow, skis also unlatched from his boots, pleas falling flat as He Tian advances on him.
In a panic, Jian Yi flings a wad of snow at He Tian’s face. It all goes downhill from there.
He Tian and Jian Yi are wrestling on the ground as Guan Shan and Zheng Xi try to pull them apart. Jian Yi, seeking vengeance for the snow shoved down his jacket, continues slinging makeshift snowballs despite Guan Shan’s warnings to knock it off. Scruffing the back of He Tian’s jacket, Guan Shan is in the middle of telling him off for causing a scene when a stray snowball smacks against his goggles, ice slipping down his face. Everyone freezes.
“Okay,” Guan Shan growls, swiping it off. “Fuck this.”
Jian Yi has the good sense to run, dragging Zheng Xi with him. The four of them stumble and trip and race through the snow until Jian Yi decides to stand his ground along the side of one of the main cabins, Christmas lights strung along the roof. He and Zheng Xi maintain their self-preservation with a flurry of snowballs, which Guan Shan and He Tian return in kind, scooping up handfuls as they give chase.
The group runs circles around the cabin, ducking around corners, hiding behind trees, snowballs shattering against their bodies, and when Guan Shan looks at He Tian, there’s a thrill on his face that he realizes he hasn’t seen in years. Not since middle school. He looks just as young. Guan Shan feels just as young. But when Jian Yi and Zheng Xi eventually stoop behind a large tree stump, breathless and exhausted and calling for a truce, Guan Shan plops down on the ground, splayed out on his back, lungs heaving and burning from the labor and the cold. He Tian joins him, unceremoniously falling back.
When he feels like he's got enough oxygen back in him, Guan Shan turns his head to look at him in profile. He Tian’s eyes are closed as he catches his breath, small clouds escaping his open mouth. He’s flushed. Guan Shan never tires of seeing it.
Jian Yi comes into view above them, grinning.
“You good, Red?”
“Screw you,” Guan Shan mutters. He pushes his goggles up to his forehead, relieving the pressure, then adds: “Yeah. I’m good.”
“You’re sticking to the bunny slopes from now on,” Zheng Xi says, coming up from behind Jian Yi to pinch his red ear that was exposed sometime during the scuffle. Jian Yi yelps but Zheng Xi rubs away the pain before pulling his hat back down properly. “Until you can prove yourself, at least.”
Jian Yi groans. “The bunny slopes are for kids, Xixi. My pride can’t take that.”
“Yeah? Can your pride handle being sent to the ER because you crashed into a tree at Mach 5?”
“Well, I actually—”
“No,” Zheng Xi tells him. “I’m not letting you kill yourself out here. You’re lucky you only hit Guan Shan.”
“Lucky?” He Tian asks, and Guan Shan elbows him.
“You know what I mean,” Zheng Xi says. He reaches out to help He Tian up, and Jian Yi does the same for Guan Shan.
“C’mon, you grumpy people,” says Jian Yi, flinging an arm around Guan Shan and the other around He Tian. There's snow in their hair, melting into their clothes. Jian Yi squeezes them, elated. “Lunch is on me!"
#19 days#tianshan#zhanyi#my writing#I totally overlooked that you asked for this to be set during christmas Rainy -- so sorry! I just realized it 😭#I hope this works!
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s5 episode 20 thoughts
last episode of the season!!!
things have seemed… tense lately between my best friends mulder and scully. i hope they can work it out.
anyway, it says here that there is a boy with psychic powers… another child case. they deal with these so often!!!
but maybe he can unlock the secrets of the x files?? how?? i guess i will have to tune in!
post-episode thoughts: scully, i want to hug you. CSM, count your days. destroying information is a crime in my realm, and it will be punished with banishment. mulder, you need to learn how to talk about your feelings. i am no longer suggesting this politely. it must be done. now. skinner, you are the star on top of my metaphorical christmas tree. spender, my feelings towards you are pretty neutral.
we begin in vancouver, where a chess tournament is going on between a grown man and a child. there is a very large crowd and a guy who seems to be up to no good in the ceiling.
the kid hears voices in his head as this sniper loads up a bullet… can he figure out what is about to happen?? but the voices just sound like weird noises!!!
noooo, don’t kill this little boy!!! he wins just in time, stands up, and the bullet hits the other guy!!!
so he knew it was going to happen and won just in time to stand up…
leave this little boy alone!! don’t piss me off!!!
OHHH shortened intro AND new words on the screen today… “THE END” <- now there is a movie coming up shortly so i KNOW this is a lie!!!
i am preparing myself for some sort of cliffhanger….
ohohoho kryek is here today, according to the “guest starting” list…. getting ready for some rat-like activities
CSM is buttoning up his shirt as some people arrive upon his frosty property. they have guns… and his alarms are going off…
BLAM! he shoots one man dead right then and there!! you really cannot underestimate this guy!!! unless we’re talking about his abilities to write fiction!!!
so he’s running barefoot into the snow??? yowch! bloody feet!
the guy in the mask catches him! OH SHIT! IT’S KRYCEK!! “go on! take your shot, alex” <- HOT DAMN! not the first name usage!
he says he was sent to being CSM back…….. by whomst?
there is a sticky note on mulder’s poster. i can’t tell what it says!
OH mulder has a picture of him and scully pinned to his board🥹that's fine that's super fine and i'm not gonna cry!
it’s skinner poking around their office!!! what is he doing down here??
HE WANTS TO KNOW MULDER’S LONG TERM PLANS?! and mulder says they’re right in his hands, referring to the x files
skinner loves his most special and difficult agents. it's true!
“what do you hope to find? i mean, in the end” (mulder looks at skinner suspiciously) “whatever i hope to find is in here. and maybe i’ll know when i find it”
now what is going on…..? something is afoot. somehow i doubt skinner just got randomly curious and started reading through the x files for the funsies.
skinner has a case for him: the assassination of a russian chess player. and agent spender was put in charge of the case by someone from OUTSIDE the bureau!! oh, that must be what has skinner so freaked out. who tf is just putting people in charge of cases?
(i mean, we, the audience, know the answer to this. but if i were skinner, i would be deeply uncomfy at the thought)
“he was very specific that you be excluded” (mulder smiles) lmaoooo
skinner's messy for that!!! and i giggled!!!
BAHAHA scully is in the room listening to spender debrief, and when mulder walks in, spender looks SO mad!! “please continue”, mulder says, after spender gets so caught off guard by seeing him that he literally cannot finish his sentence
you can try to separate mulder and scully, but the universe will find a way to reunite them. like a bonded pair of kitties.
mulder asks him to rewind the tape and spender says basically no LMAOOO
“let me get through this, if you have any questions, we can talk later” “i-i don’t have any questions, no, i just think you’re wrong” <- LMAOOOOOO i’m at once giggling and cringing in second hand embarrassment
mulder hates this dude, i'm crying!!!!
scully asks wtf mulder is doing, and he explains he thinks the killer was aiming for the boy!! spender reluctantly does rewind the tape, and mulder points out that the kid pushes back right before the bullet is fired.
who is this random lady agreeing with mulder that the kid could sense the bullet coming…? he looks utterly shocked to hear her say this!!
and skinner says rewind it again so we can all see for ourselves LMAO everyone hates this spender mfer
(listen. sorry to this man, but i think it would also piss me off if some random guy got put in charge of an investigation because outside forces decreed it to be so)
sure enough, when spender rewinds the tape, the kid looks right at the camera!!! mulder turns to this random woman again in amazement
meanwhile, krycek is bringing CSM back to the syndicate on a random side street. OH SHIT!! CSM calls them out right then and there for trying to kill him LMAOOO
that had to be awkward as hell! i'm giggling
CSM moves on from that pretty fast. he seems like the type to hold grudges, so perhaps this is part of his secret plot for revenge.
the well-groomed man (and i know that isn’t his name, but i can’t remember what it actually is, and when i tried to google it last time i got spoilers so: to me, he is WGM) says: the boy is a problem to us!! and i say: leave him alone!! let him play chess!!
CSM offers to kill the kid and well-groomed man says “dear god”... umm, well y’all were just trying to do that, so why now are we getting squeamish...!!!
this other dude is called “first elder” by the subtitles! good to know
CSM says he’ll do it… and walks off.
so this lady that was sticking up for mulder is named agent fowley, and scully is making polite small talk as mulder drives them... somewhere. she requested reassignment. hmm…
“1991, that’s about when you started work on the x files”, scully points out. “more or less, yeah”, mulder says. and does not elaborate.
(long lingering eye contact between mulder and fowley)
now… is this woman who i think she is……?
the boy (named gibson) is watching the simpsons. OH SHIT!!! “my name is fox… this is dana and diana”
SHE IS WHO I THOUGHT SHE WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh man. oh man. okay, so i know a tiny bit about this. going bonkers rn.
what i DO know is enough to realize that diana is a controversial topic among the fandom, but i vow to speak my truth. as i always do. and i hope you will treat me with the grace you typically have afforded me.
gibson says he lives in the philippines, that mulder has a dirty mind, and he does NOT want to play any chess. yes, he truly is a psychic.
scully is like wtf is he going on about…. and mulder accuses the boy of being able to read minds
“i know what’s on your mind. i know you’re thinking about one of the girls you brought” (mildly amused scully look) “one of them’s thinking about you”
diana laughs and asks which one… gibson says mulder doesn’t want him to say.
(shakes head) hey! what’s going on?
mulder declares that gibson needs around the clock protection
oh, a canon-typical fight in the hallway between our agents on if this is possible or not… diana is listening in…. “you know what to do, diana”, mulder says before leaving <- hey. i don’t like that. the tone with which he speaks nor the implication of there being some pre-scully lilith-like figure.
“so you two know each other”, scully points out. “it was along time ago” (long lingering scully glance)
OHHHH spender is NOT letting mulder talk to the assassin… “you’re insulting me when you should be taking notes”, he says <- DAMN!!! the ego on this man! he isn't entirely wrong, but there is no humility about him!
he pushes past spender and gets into the cell, where the shooter claims spender hasn’t given him food or water. mulder orders him off to go get some.
ohhh he’s playing hardball… he tells the dude that he’ll tell spender he fessed up to the kid being psychic… and if he cooperates with him, maybe he can get him into the witness protection program… does mulder hold this kind of influence?
mulder steals the food that was being brought for him. mulder! you're being a dick! on many fronts!
AWWW, scully and gibson are holding hands as she walks him down the hall :( he didn’t like the tests! poor kid! and he says scully’s wondering about “that other girl” and “she’s wondering about you, too”
hey…. i get the sense we are pitting two bad bitches against each other via this little boy's mind reading. not a narrative choice i am fond of.
now a group of people are testing gibson for psychic abilities by holding up cards only they can see.
diana says she’s seen clairvoyants, but never of this skill level. she says she spent time with mulder is psychiatric hospitals?? scully.exe is not working
she has to leave because she is weirded tf out…
(i don't blame her, though. i would also be very weirded out if my partner of 5 years had another partner he very evidently has a history with and never bothered to mention until she suddenly materialized. if i were scully, i'd be like hey mulder... remember all those times i tended to your wounds and held your sobbing body and broke the law for you? yeah, that was super cool. i love how we trust each other. anyway, wtf else are you hiding from me?)
((and i'm not saying that is necessarily the RIGHT or RATIONAL thing to feel, but c'mon. you can't look at me and tell me you wouldn't also be equal parts stung and curious))
shooter guy is being handed a note. it’s on a cigarette pack!!! and it says "you’re a dead man"!!! oh brother... not the CSM on the loose! how is he getting into these buildings still?!?!
LMAOOO???? WHAT IS SCULLY DOING WITH FROHIKE?!?!
look at her looking up into his camera system... she is just so PRETTY!!
bro is in his pajamas and has an absurd number of locks on his door. and i'm giggling!
she’s bringing the whole crew scans of gibson’s brain!! “and you want us to what?” “analyze the data. with an eye to the parapsychological” <- OHHH they’re gagged by that... and i am too! scully opening herself up to extreme possibilities?! or simply trying to anticipate and counter mulder's argument in favor of the kid's clairvoyance?
OHHHH.... SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHO TF DIANA IS LMAOOOOO
i can’t tell if she’s jealous, or nosy, or both. but i can tell you that i love when scully is nosy.
frohike says she was mulder’s “chickadee” (LMAO, crazy phrasing) out of the academy. she was with him when he discovered the x files. and she has some sort of background in parascience. whatever that means.
NOOOOO scully looks so sad 💔💔💔 MULDER, DON’T HIDE THINGS FROM HER!!! SHE’LL CRY
stop. stop!!!
gibson is watching cartoons while diana watches him. and here comes mulder. OH, she called him fox. don’t like that. i thought he was adamantly anti-being referred to as fox! is that a development from the past 5 years, or does she not care about what he thinks?
“i sense you could have used an ally, though- someone who thinks like you, with some background” HEY. WATCH HOW YOU TALK ABOUT SCULLY!!!
“oh, you mean scully?” now is that defensiveness i see in his eyes? he doesn’t sound like he’s laughing.
“she’s not what i’d call an open mind on the subject” <- well, diana, you don’t even know her!!! and just because you're right doesn't mean you should go around judging her!
he laughs, but it doesn’t feel like he really means it….
(i was trying to psychoanalyze everything in this godforsaken scene and i had NO idea what the vibe actually was LMAOOOO)
“she’s a, uh… she’s a scientist. she just makes me work for everything” <- HEY!!! what happened to her being “rigid, but in a wonderful way”??? defend her honor in her absence!
“yes, but i’m… i’m sure there were times when two like minds on a case would have been advantageous” <- well girl, from what i've heard, it sounds like you left and went to germany!
“i’ve done okay without you” okay. are we setting boundaries now? is this progress?
NO. it does not appear that this is the case. she is grabbing his hand. “hey. i’m on your side” side eye. from me. sounds like she is implying scully is NOT on his side, which i loathe. and please don’t kiss... i don’t want to see all that.
where is scully going….? OH NO!!! she walked by and saw them holding hands!!
oh my god, she is leaving….. and i don’t blame her!!
the sad music!!!! stop!!!!! look at her sadly getting in her car!!!!! sadly staring at the wheel!!! sadly buckling up!!!!
she sounds like she’s going to cry as she calls mulder and says she wants to show him something. and she doesn't want to show it to him there.
now why is agent spender rolling up as she heads out?! we have enough problems to deal with at this time that aren’t him!!!
OH SHIT!!! CSM IS TALKING TO HIM!!!! saying he gave him the case!!!!
he’s trying to give him some fatherly advice despite the fact this dude has no idea they are related. “you’re a bright boy” okay… well that is certainly an avuncular thing to say. perhaps uncomfortably so when coming from a guy you literally just met. “know which men to sacrifice and when” <- now that's some standard CSM advice.
OH SHIT!!!!!!! MULDER SEES HIM!! CSM retreats into the shadows. “i was told he was dead”, mulder pants. “well obviously whoever it is, he’s not” spender has literally no idea who tf this guy is………..
(laughing even harder at his response as i edit my notes. spender must think this mulder fellow is the weirdest dude alive)
i’m kinda laughing, because spender has no idea wtf is going on, while mulder’s world just got rocked upside down and inside out. that’s the devil that killed his dad and took his scully and killed scully’s sister!!! he thought the evil was defeated and it is back!!! poor spender is just here to chat with a stranger. he truly doesn't know anything about the situation! it's comical!
scully and mulder and all of spender’s team are in skinner’s office!!! she has the brain test results from gibson… and she is finding the results hard to believe…
something something about him having intense brain activity in the god something or other. maybe he is the next einstein??? well, that would be cool! yeah, get the little boy into nuclear physics!
but mulder thinks that maybe this intense brain activity will allow him to also explain all sorts of unexplained phenomena.
i guess i can see the correlation between intense brain activity and psychic abilities, but how will it let him explore the jersey devil?
mulder proposes giving the killer immunity to explain wtf is going on, which spender immediately shoots down: “you want to give a murderer a free ride for the secrets to the pyramids?” <- well that is an oversimplification!
ANGRY SCULLY!!! “you mischaracterize what i’ve said” <- GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME!! “this would be quantifiable scientific proof of everything that agent mulder and i have investigated over the past five years”
i don’t really see the correlation from a plot perspective but okay ❤️ yay ❤️
oh diana, i am suspicious of you…. “how do you quantify the spiritual? it can’t be done. you ask for immunity for a killer on that basis, the attorney general’s gonna go off. you’re allowed to investigate the x files as an indulgence. but draw the wrong kind of attention and they’ll close you down”
okay………… rude. but not necessarily wrong. in fact, she seems quite right, at least about the attorney general shutting down the case part. clearly, some levels of spirituality can be quantified if the results show up on brain scans; scully will use science to find a way. scully glances at mulder, who is staring at diana
“put an end to all your work. something i happen to have an interest in myself” WELL NO ONE ASKED???? girl! it isn't your project!!
perhaps i am the one who will need immunity from the attorney general as i bravely ask the question i am thinking: am i bad feminist, or is diana supposed to piss me off?
scully’s watching mulder stare at diana……. skinner says, everyone go take a break. but you may absolutely NOT leave my office, mulder.
he says that diana is right. if they poke around too much they’ll get shut down- but mulder is willing to risk it!!!!!
“if what agent scully’s found is true- and i have every reason to believe that it is- then the answers i might have spent a lifetime searching for may fall together like a million puzzle pieces” <- OHH!! FAITH IN SCULLY!! FAITH IN SCULLY GIVING HIM THE TRUTH!
“you’d risk the x files?”, asks skinner.
“how soon can you call the attorney general?”
so, there is your answer.
mulder is always having some sort of power struggle with skinner. hey. can mulder, buddy. can we use a "please" and "thank you" every now and then? your old pal skinner has put up with a LOT of your nonsense!
bro is in his cranky era.
ohhhh, so he goes and tell the shooter that he gave his request for immunity, but the attorney general needs more information before she can make a decision… “i need answers from you” UH OH!! will he have them before CSM breaks in? because we know he is stalking his prey!
he says the kid is a missing link; he’s genetic proof. spender wants to know of what, and this is very convenient, because so do i. so he thinks the kid is part alien….. spender is heckling him for this. but CSM is on the prowl… we don't have time for interpersonal conflict!
(so, maybe he's part alien but distantly? or maybe they made one of the alien hybrids like emily, but this one didn't die? why did emily die, again? because we know there are plenty others of the alien hybrids because they had that whole bit about saving "their mothers" back in... i think it was s3? maybe a bunch of them, like emily, die, but some of them do survive, and gibson is a son of the half alien? so he is a quarter alien? or maybe he is from a different alien race?
everything is a bit foggy when it comes to mytharc, i suppose. i guess it all comes down to the writers wanting to torture my best friend agent scully)
well-groomed man and krycek pull up to heckle CSM, which is an important part of their job description. they’re saying he failed them, but CSM says it’s all part of the plan. take their pieces one by one.
hey, you’re gonna kill the kid, aren’t you?
at least JFK was a grown man!!!
do you think he bulk ordered the cigarettes from like, the cigarette equivalent of sam’s club, and had them sent to his snowy canadian hideaway? i mean, the number he goes through, it should have raised some red flags for the people trying to find him!
scully is watching the boy watch cartoons. she is pondering.
“how do you do it?” “i just hear you thinking… like on a radio. and sometimes there are lots of radios, and i want to shut them off and watch some TV” <- you know what, that is entirely understandably.
gibson says that scully doesn’t care what other people think… “except for her. the other one”
is she trying to impress diana…..? has she moved beyond vying for people's approval after the horrors of cancer and emily, or is it manifesting in a new way as she hopes this mysterious figure from mulder's past will approve of her? does she think that if diana likes her, mulder will let her in about his past? does she feel a solidarity despite their differences in belief because of the fact they are both women in a male-dominated field?
the implications... i must explore them.
ah. and in diana comes.
scully says they’ll talk about that stuff later. queen of knowing the time and place to have a debrief. and he says “they want to kill me” OHHH poor little gibson :( just let him watch cartoons!
scully promises no one will hurt him :( and he says “i know you do" :(
is diana going to kill the kid…..?
(author's note: LMAO!! listen... i thought they were going with the double agent angle for about 2 minutes. in my defense, i'm still shocked from the whole krycek and marita thing, so i'm trying to expect the unexpected. this is not the most wildly incorrect plot point i have guessed!)
the shooter gets another note… this time it’s an empty cigarette carton, and BAM!!! CSM SHOOTS HIM!!!
well. there goes any possibility of an explanation.
diana fell asleep watching gibson and he’s looking out the window!!! he says there’s a man with a gun!!! and he says he’s aiming at her!!!! and BAM!! she gets shot too!!
hey guys! once again i ask what’s going on.
mulder and scully are pulling in while diana gets taken into an ambulance. and mulder’s grasping her hand while scully just wants to know where tf the kid is!!!!
the shooter was killed!!! skinner shows mulder the cigarette carton!!!!!
NOOOO!! CSM has the boy and is bringing him to the well-groomed man. gibson called him a liar when he said he won't get hurt.
“you’ve never had the stomach for our business”
“just not for your practices”
“i’m a necessity. the complement to your cowardice” <- omggg……..
the dichotomy between CSM and well-groomed man... were the girls writing old man yaoi back when this aired? because i bet they would if this show dropped now.
(i was about to joke that if we all work really hard now, we can make that ship trend, but how tf can you write romantic fanfiction between two nameless characters? yeesh. that has to be a pain. "the well-groomed man moved in closer towards the cigarette smoking man, inhaling his burnt, acidic scent; he knew he was as bad for him as the cancer coursing through the other man's bloodstream" <- yeah, i didn't enjoy typing that, and it isn't fun to read either)
“your work is done now” SO WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO TO THE BOY???
“my work is just beginning” nope. do not like that.
well-groomed man leads gibson into the car driven by krycek, who says he has a nice straight shot at CSM!!! but well-groomed man says not to shoot. you may need him in the future.
krycek is the last man i would trust with a child.
WOAHHHHH mulder is ATTACKING SPENDER saying he will get him PROSECUTED FOR MURDER!!! “you’re wrong, agent mulder, it’s your days that are numbered” <- NOW WHAT DOES *THAT* MEAN??
is he collaborating with daddy to kill mulder or lead him down an incredibly intricate path leading to his peril?!?
NOOOOO, skinner is on the phone with scully in mulder’s apartment 💔 spender is going after mulder and there are talks of reassignment!
his first question when she gets off of the phone is about diana….
NOOO, the justice department wants to close down the x files 💔💔
mulder says this is all part of plan he couldn’t see and walked into
“this time they may have won” NOOOOO💔💔💔💔you have to find some faith!
CSM is in mulder’s office………. looking at the files….. PICKING OUT THE ONE ON SAMANTHA………… WHERE IS HE TAKING IT???
TO SPENDER?!! “who are you?” “i’m your father” <- YOOO, I DIDN’T THINK HE WOULD JUST OUT AND SAY IT??
DID HE LIGHT ALL THE OTHER FILES ON FIRE???
HOLY HELL, HE DID???
mulder is here in his t shirt and scully is here in a lab coat and they find their whole office burnt to a crisp!!!!
she grabs his arms and leans in, putting her head on his chest as he looks around in fury
woah…. woaugh……….
the end.
CSM ruined the work of their whole lives!!!
this is why archivists are so important. because they always keep files saved on at least 3 sources. inshallah the good FBI archivists had them on a bunch of floppy disks. please please please.
(i started to type “on a bunch of flash drives”, but then i realized idk if those were popular, effective, or invented at the time. and a floppy disk really couldn’t hold much. maybe there is a huge cardboard box in one of the back rooms with all of them backed up! i like the ones that were colorful!)
well, now there’s a damn movie i need to watch!!! but first i have to get all of my s5 content sorted out!!!!
i have many questions. i have a terrible feeling that poor boy is gonna end up another sacrificial lamb. and i know that CSM saved the file on samantha to keep the fire burning beneath mulder, just enough so he meets his dastardly plans. damn. this guy really is an evil genius. which does not translate to literary talent.
what is spender going to do? is he going to believe that CSM is his father? will he follow him in dastardly deeds, or will he reject them? i mean, he sure isn't a believer in aliens like mulder is, so learning his father is basically a diplomat to the alien people isn't going to go over well. or is he going to stand up to daddy and save the day, probably nobly sacrificing himself in the process?
what about scully? i just KNOW she blames herself for gibson getting kidnapped because she promised him he would be safe, and she's all torn up about mulder hiding things from her!!! poor scully!
and mulder, what is he going to do about the reappearance of diana and then her sudden death or near-death? will he stop being so cranky anytime soon? it doesn't seem likely, but a girl can hope.
and i wanna know what is going through skinner's mind, too. because he really is like an uncle to me. i remember my earlier posts about not trusting him, and i think that narrative was intentionally cultivated by the writers, but now i'm thinking, man. that's my ride or die. skinner, i should have never doubted you. not only that, i love your little house buddha and desk globes and i wish i could slap mulder across the face for the way he acts towards you!
well, i have a lot of work to do with the s5 wrapups before i can dive into this film, and so work i must. and perhaps i will save the film for next weekend when i can focus appropriate attention.
i also expect that the movie writeup will be VERY LONG. and my writeups are already SO LONG. i tossed around the idea of splitting it up into parts, but i think it will be better to just do it all in one go. unless there is a very clear midpoint spot where i can divide the post in two, which i doubt???
will diana grow on me? will the movie be enjoyable? will scully get a damn break? will CSM and WGM kiss? will krycek continue to be a problematic bisexual?
hmm. well, stay tuned, and share all of your thoughts!
#mulder is being emo because he's in one of his Moods and scully is being emo because mulder keeps secrets#gibson is sitting there like damn. i don't wanna know all of your drama. please let me watch king of the hill.#and you do have to respect him for having his priorities straight#i hope some conflict is resolved in this film. i hope conversations are had about feelings#i once made a post on my main account about how too many action movies use “the world is gonna blow up!” as the high stakes#instead of cultivating the relationships between the characters that cause the audience to even give a damn IF the world is to blow up#why should i care if the world is gonna explode if the characters that need to stop the exploding are flat and have no growth?#an honest conversation between two characters that expresses their emotional investment in each other is what will make me care#if the world blows up or not. not high stakes for the sake of high stakes. NO. THAT DOES NOT WORK!#but high stakes as they relate to our characters having something to lose is what works. something worth fighting for. you feel me?#i worded that post really well back when i made it sometime last year and of course it was about an entirely separate thing#but i find that can happen a lot in action movies. hopefully it won't happen here though! i have faith.#i'll have to dig that post up now because i want proof that once upon a time i was articulate#anyway!!! dun dun dun! final boss music is playing as we approach the FILM!#but don't get too excited! i have to make all my other s5 wrapup posts first!#juni's x files liveblog#5x20#the x files#txf
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So why was Legend paired with Hyrule, you ask?
Shouldn’t the two most experienced dungeoneers have each been paired with someone less experienced? Ideally, yes, but Time does explain his logic:
He doesn’t state it very eloquently, but he’s right on the money. Twilight’s near death is still having an effect on everyone in the group, and Legend is far from exempt. His behavior since the group left town shows that Legend is emotionally unstable and therefore a liability.
Deep dive under the cut!
Now, we all know that our Veteran is prickly around the edges. But he’s “all bark and no bite” - direct quote from Twilight. Despite that, it’s not like he can dish it out but not take it. When he’s the butt of the joke, he’s a bit of a grumpasaurus about it but he’s not that upset. In fact, he’s happy to banter, as we can see here:
But recently, since the group left town? Even when he’s not speaking, he’s got an angry face:
And when he does open his mouth, even Hyrule seems to think his snark is uncalled for:
Though it’s important to note that Hyrule does handle this very tactfully. He knows what makes his predecessor tick. In fact, he’s been a near constant shadow to him since The Twilight Incident.
Speaking of going too far, Legend then goes on to pull a prank during a dangerous situation:
And then turns right back around and hypocritically jumps all over Wild for not taking a dangerous situation seriously:
This time he does not take the correction well. And what would normally be an invitation for banter is refused in favor of sulking.
So, what does this tell us? It’s subtle, but when you look at everything together, it’s evident that Legend is not coping well with recent events. He’s acting impulsively, and a lack of self-restraint can be disastrous in a dungeon.
But what, exactly, is Legend feeling? Well, we know that besides Hyrule, Twilight is the one he seems to respect the most:
And he had a surprisingly good bedside manner with Twilight when he was injured. I’m not gonna point to images for this because it actually spans a good portion of both the Sunset and Dawn arcs and this post would get too bogged down, but examples include: removing his cap when entering the sick room, speaking kindly and encouragingly to Twilight, and spending time with him in a small group setting when he was finally on the mend.
This tells us that not only does Legend respect Twilight, but he’s forged a close bond with him as well. We know that Legend does not let people close to him on principle because of Koholint Trauma, but he seems to have made an exception for a couple teammates.
And what happens shortly after he’s made that exception?
Twilight almost dies.
Legend almost loses someone close to him again.
And he can’t cope.
He feels helpless in this kind of situation. He doesn’t feel in control. He doesn’t know how to fix this and prevent more bad things from happening. He tries to make some sense of what’s going on, but though he acts confident, he’s really not:
And that lack of confidence is extremely difficult for him.
How do his feelings manifest in a stressful situation? By antagonizing people and subconsciously pushing them away.
That, my friends, is what’s going on under the hood. Time’s dealt with enough people in his life to be able to figure this out. Someone who’s emotionally unstable is unpredictable and a liability.
But Legend does have a Safe Person. A person who takes his prickliness in stride. Who’s able to gently correct and/or redirect him without eliciting an argument. A person that Legend doesn’t have to worry about because he’s confident that that person can handle themself. A person that’s going to allow him to focus on the task at hand.
That person is Hyrule.
Time made the right choice.
(Credit to linkeduniverse.tumblr.com for all images)
#linked universe#linked universe legend#lu analysis#lu legend#this boy needs a good cry I’m telling you#he is so bottled up
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Oh my god. The end of the route with Venti. Kaeya slipping away because he’s not a follower of Barbatos and thinks that means he’s not a true son of Mond. Venti essentially telling Kaeya and Traveler point-blank that he’s tired of losing the people he cares about before the ending (I think he’s alluding to the nameless bard’s death before he got to see New Mondstadt + maybe the Ragnvindr ancestor leaving before the same). The poem and exchange at the end where Venti tries to tell Kaeya that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t follow him and is from Khaenri’ah, he’ll bless him all the same (and what a thing to say to a descendant of the godless nation)!! I am also specifically losing my mind over this line
(Yeah he sure does have stars in his eyes, and the Abyss euphemism is NOT subtle. Kaeya admitted in Caribert that he doesn’t want to be connected to the Abyss, and the poem as a whole is Venti describing Kaeya’s struggle with who he’s meant to be and his fate)
And this one
The thought of not having to live forever in struggle over his identity under the shadow of the legacy his ancestors have left him, and being able to choose the dawn—I can’t help but think this is intentional; the dawn is widely used as a symbol of new beginnings, but it’s got to also be representative of his adoptive family (especially Diluc, whose name origin diluculum apparently means dawn) which is closely associated with dawn.
#I still have two endings left so fingers crossed the brothers get to talk#give us some lore. tell us about your childhood. did your dad ever bring you guys on vacation to sumeru after kaeya’s ill-planned adventure#also the whole safe harbor thing. yes it could just be venti’s respect for mortals but also he loves kaeya as much as he loves everyone else#in mond okay that is his boy.#do not boo me#anyway. good night if anyone needs me I’m going to be crying myself to sleep#liveblogging#mine#rambles#genshin spoilers#kaeya hangout spoilers#genshin#genshin impact#kaeya alberich#venti
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TODOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#BEST BOY IS BACK I SHED ACTUAL TEARS#FUCKKK i forgot how much i love him 😭😭#he ALWAYS appears when yuji needs him most what if i cry and throw up#(nobara comeback soon TRUST)#anyway i liked this chapter BUT . i’m mad abt choso#like as far as deaths go . i think his scene was good. i cried . yuji calling him big bro at the end feels fitting#BUTT his death was a lil toooo sudden for my liking + i feel like it undermines the fight he had w kenjaku !!!#bc that fight ended w choso’s death as a curse. and . so . I MEAN#in a way i can understand the appeal writing wise of having him die once as a curse and once as a human#BUT LIKE ….. yuki telling him to ”live as a human” was suchhh a powerful moment n i rlly felt like it gave him plot armour 😭#so . well. im not too happy w this. BUTTTT you have to understand how my brain works …. i see todo aoi and i get hyped#and the final yuji/choso scene was rlly rlly heartwrenching :(((#so i liked the chapter. but i cant say i rlly like the writing choice……..#im just praying for todo not to die PLSSSS dont take my bestie from me 😔😔😔#(also logan if u happen to see this my grievances are with you and your family at this time)#ari noises ✩#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 259
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Arcane Women Strap Hcs
characters: sevika, vi, caitlyn, mel, ambessa
A/N barely proofread sorry, also my first time writing for arcane please be kind 🙈 i hope y’all enjoy lmk your thoughts :)
Sevika
first things first she has a dark purple strap i’m talking almost the same color that shimmer is and boy does she know how to use it
whenever she pulls the strap out be prepared to not be able to walk the next day
she prefers to fuck you in missionary but if she had to choose a different position it would be fucking you from the bottom, she just loves to be able to see your face while she pleasures you
her strap game is DIABOLICAL, she always makes sure to hit that spot inside you that makes you let out a squeal and causes your toes to curl
honestly she could just cum from fucking you alone but if you feel up to it once she’s done with you she loves when you eat her out after
“that’s it baby, you’re taking me so well just a little more”
Vi
vi screams black strap to me like it just makes sense
she prefers to fuck you slow and DEEP, i’m talking girly lifts your hips off the bed and grips them so hard that you can feel bruises form
shes so cocky about it too like she knows she’s good
vi’s another one that could cum from pleasuring you alone and 9/10 times she does, however the one time she doesn’t she will literally sit on your face once you’re well enough to take care of her
“that feel good pretty girl ? yeah i know it does, you’re always so good for me”
Caitlyn
dark blue strap sorry yall i don’t make the rules
caitlyn loves when you’re on top and she’s fucking you from below
she revels in the sight of you falling apart above her while she’s gripping your hips guiding you
she’s 100% a brat tamer and you can’t tell me any different
“oh darling is it too much ? you shouldn’t have behaved like that if you didn’t want me to fuck you like this”
Mel
HEAR YE HEAR YE she has a gold strap idc idc
mel also likes it when you’re on top however she prefers to gently guide your movements while she praises you
don’t let that mislead you tho shes a HUGE tease
she can and will make you edge yourself until you’re literally crying begging her to let you cum
“ my love you look so beautiful when you ask nicely like that, go ahead and take what you need”
Ambessa
ruby red strap that’s all imma say
the cruelest of the bunch, she’s not afraid to leave you dry while she takes what she needs
another brat tamer yall you love to see it
she doesn’t make love she FUCKS, be prepared to constantly be buying new headboards
she makes you suck on her strap NEXTTTTT
“sweet girl did you think i’m finished with you ? no no we aren’t done until you can’t remember anything but my name”
#dividers from cafekitsune#sevika x reader#sevika smut#vi x reader#vi smut#caitlyn kiramman x reader#caitlyn kiramman smut#mel medarda x reader#mel medarda smut#ambess medarda x reader#ambessa medarda smut#arcane x reader#arcane smut#arcane#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends
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nanami “helps” ino fuck his girlfriend (drabble)
minors and ageless blogs dni (18+ only)
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ ࿔
“like this?” ino asks nanami while he thrusts into you in missionary, trying to hit your sweet spot. ino jerks and gasps again you when nanami grips his hips from behind and helps him roll his hips more, making his tip push right against that sensitive bundle inside you, making you gasp. “good boy, roll your hips and aim upwards, that’s where her gspot is.”
sex with ino was more than amazing, but sometimes he struggled finding that spot with his cock, he never left you unsatisfied though. you cry out when nanami reaches under your bodies and grabs your thigh in his massive hand, pushing it back. “put her leg over your shoulder, it makes it easier to penetrate her deeper.” just like he said, when ino put your leg over his shoulder and leaned over you, he slammed his cock inside you and stars erupted behind your eyes when he hit that spot dead on.
“did that feel good? did he hit your gspot sweetheart?” nanami asks, keeping his hands in his pockets like a gentleman even though you can see his cock twitch in his pants. it’s so big, tenting the fabric and making you wonder just how big it is under there. you nod as an answer, and he gives you a warm smile that melts you from the inside out.
“n-nanami, am i doing it right? is this good?” ino asks through a cry, his hips stuttering and shaking as he tries to hold back. “ask her if you’re doing good.” nanami replies, removing his hand from his pocket to brush his fingers down inos sides in a feather like motion. ino shivers.
“h-he wants you to praise him.” you whine. you know he can feel you squeezing around him, showing him how much you like it, how close he’s getting you. nanami hums, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and making you clench around your boyfriends cock as his mentor slides his hand down to his peachy ass.
“is she right?” he asks, gripping a handful of his ass. the sight makes you gasp, even more so when he pushes hard against his ass and forces him deep inside you. “yes, yes, please, tell me i’m fucking my girlfriend good, p-please.” kento grabs his ass again, and when his thumb accidentally—or maybe not so accidentally, rubs against the side of his hole, ino stiffens and bites his lip, hard, before his eyes roll back in his head and he collapses and you feel him shoot inside you. the first time he’s ever finished first.
“ino? what was that? did you just come?” nanami asks, ino whines in response, you hold him tightly against you and dig your nails into his back and squeeze around him when his warmth fills you. “that doesn’t deserve praise. you need to make sure you always bring your partner to orgasm before you.” he scolds, making ino whine again. you can’t help but smile and kiss his head.
“again.” nanami orders abruptly, making ino unbury his head from your neck to turn and stare at him. his face is stern, unwavering, “i do not care if you are sensitive, you came before your partner, so now you will keep fucking her and finish her off.” as if that wasn’t incentive enough—fucking his girlfriend again while his mentor watches, he adds, “maybe then i’ll give you the praise you want so badly.”
#jjk smut#kento nanami x reader#nanami smut#ino smut#takuma ino x reader#ino x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#nanami x ino
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I came out to my dad as bisexual at 14 and I was PANICKED because I had a crush on a guy in my Boy Scout troop and thought I was Going To Hell Forever and he was so kind and understanding of my distress, but he had NO idea what bisexuality was. He just said “yeah but you like girls too? This is normal. Everyone is like this.” And I love my dad and trust him with my life to this day and the idea that the concept of bisexuality had not occurred to him had not occurred to me so I put it off.
By 16 though I had a crush on like THREE boys. Three entire boys in my Boy Scout troop. I felt like my sin was slowly advancing, until like an untreated cancer it had become metastatic. I remember bawling my L’il limp-wristed sissy eyes out in his big rumbly truck on the way home from a scout meeting and him telling me that it was OK, that he still loved me if I was gay, but that he knew I wasn’t gay because I still had crushes on women and that meant I was straight. I didn’t quite know how to explain that those felt *~*different*~* and that I felt like I was losing a fight to evil inside me but I again felt comforted by his reassurances and his genuine fatherly love.
At 18 I was like “hey I’m realizing all my friends are going on missions. I don’t wanna do that. Idk how to say that and I don’t have a ‘good enough’ reason to not wanna go.” So I just put it off. Again, my parents were extremely supportive of the information I gave them (I blamed it on perpetually forgetting to start the paperwork.) and one day my mom texted me that she had done the paperwork for me! And that all I needed was to get a physical! So I did that (it was awkward af tbh, my hernia check was done by a trainee doctor and she spent like 3 minutes fishing around my inguinal canals before her attending rescued me) and was sent to Mexico City where I learned that in addition to dipshit himbos with strong hands and scruffy guys with artistic hearts I was REALLY into chubby Latin men with strong personalities who bullied me a little when I lived in Mexico.
I remember my first companion got annoyed with me during an argument and said we were just gonna wrestle and whoever won the wrestling match won the argument (I stg I am dead serious this happened.) I was like…SWEATING when he tore off his tie and threw his white button-down shirt onto the ground (I won btw, don’t ask me how).
I remember one of my companions with this really intense, almost manic energy telling me that he was gonna make sure I was safe in a new area I didn’t know very well. He cooked breakfast for me and we’d go shopping together on P-Days and in the mornings before breakfast he’d jog around and do pull-ups with his shirt off and I’d do anything but look at him because my face would break out in a sweat so intense he’d think I was crying and come over to see if I was OK and somehow make it worse. He let me play D&D with myself in the evenings even though it was against mission rules because he knew how lonely and stressed I was.
I remember one of my companions was a big chubby man with a loud voice and a great sense of humor. He was kind and direct when addressing conflicts with me, and always bragged about how he knew the secrets of women’s minds and it felt like he really did since it almost always boiled down to “Treat Them Like People and Love Them a Lot. Don’t Stop Being A Person For Them. Also Eat Them Out Sloppy Style.” Our P-Day activities sometimes felt like dates, and it seemed like he was more attentive to my emotional state than I was since he was always the first to suggest we slow down our Divinely Mandated, God-Ordained, Super Sacred Work and Wonder to get a snack or check out a Pawn Shop (I love Pawn Shops).
I remember another companion who asked me to bully him every time he did something against his goal of losing weight. It was like he gave me Carte Blanche to take out my crush on him by being a nuisance and I LOVED that. I remember having a breakdown one day after we’d spent the afternoon frantically cleaning our disgusting-barely-habitable mission house to make it look less vile that it was (not our fault imo?) and I started bawling and he pulled me into a hug and he smelled good and he told me he knew it wasn’t just the house and that I was mad at him for being a Huge Dickhead for about a week (true) and that he would work on it. (He’s also a huge chaser but that’s a separate thing.)
I remember one of my companions waking up early (and our schedule is already built for sleep deprivation) to make me a “birthday cake” from knock-off Nutella and bread. He used matches for candles and woke me up, lit the ‘candles,’ pulled them out, then smashed it in my face and took a bunch of pictures while I was still madrugada and disoriented as fuck. He had the same sense of humor as one of my HS crushes and I could push his buttons pretty easily which was so fun.
I came home from my mission and started back at BYU where I became actively and aggressively suicidal. I had a stalker the year I moved up there and my dad’s solution to that was to get me a gun. I know he wouldn’t have bought me a gun if he could have read my mind, but I had a loaded pistol under my bed during a trifecta faith/sexuality/gender crisis and that was not helpful. I remember that the day I decided to kill myself I figured I’d call the BYU CAPS and see if I could get into therapy because it felt like what I was “supposed to do” so I could check my suicide boxes. My therapist was the guy who’d helped me pick a major the year before and was this drop-dead gorgeous Hawaiian man who cried when I told him how I’d been feeling.
A few weeks into therapy I met another stunning man with soft eyes and a scruffy illegal-at-BYU beard he kept pushing his luck with. He was funny, kind, patient, married, and wouldn’t give me the time of day if he knew I was crushing on him. We were in my history of psych class, which was inarguably the worst psych class I have ever had, and we studied together for every assignment and test and I realized that my feelings for him and for all the men I’d already mentioned were in direct conflict with my faith and relationship with God. My already agonizing spiritual conflict became even more wretched and as a result of this plus some other tightly-packed experiences with Mormonisms bullshit, I left the church.
After leaving the church I decided to move back to AZ and transfer to ASU. My mom helped me get a dog since I think it had started to dawn on my family that my mental health was barely getting me through the day, and she knew that we both loved dogs. Madi made my last year at BYU livable while I got my shit together and transferred. In that last year, I went on a date with quite possibly the only semi-openly-out trans person on BYU campus. It was not a great date imo, I was not doing well, but the person I spoke with was fun and fascinating and talked to me about Gender Dysphoria and it really cemented my need to go. To leave and never come back to that fucking school.
I started at ASU a month after my last semester at BYU and within a very short time frame it felt like I was coming back together, like a puzzle magically putting itself together in an environment that wasn’t slowly draining that puzzle’s will to live.
On the 4th of July, the year I started at ASU, I saw a transition timeline photo of a gorgeous happy beautiful happy radiant happy woman and her former Mormon missionary self and I realized the light that was on in her eyes was the light that was off in mine. I looked into transitioning for 3 days, sleeping about 10 hours total during that time. I started talking to other trans people on Reddit (one of whom is now my beautiful fiancée @cintailed) and after about a month of making preparations to be disowned and kicked out, something I was not sure would happen but was ready to go through to Turn On The Lights, I came out to my family and it was amazing. I started HRT a month after that. I secretly dated some dorky guys for about a year while I applied to grad schools. I got into a great grad school for me and my needs. I got FFS. I did my trainings and classes. Me and my fiancée moved in together after some LDR shenanigans. We’ve lived together now for 4 years of basically marital bliss. We have a cat named Grandmother Esmeralda Weatherwax who bites the hell out of my feet about three times a day. My bi-cycle continues to be part of my life but now it’s not as scary. Baby gays in my life have started to look to me for advice. Idk how this all happened so fast. When the years, months, weeks, days, and hours seems to crawl by so slowly now they are rushing past me so fast it’s almost bewildering. Whereas before I felt like I was living on borrowed time, past my ‘expiration date,’ now it feels like I can Fucking Breathe. I’m training myself to slow down now and it feels worth it to Live In The Moment.
Idk why I wrote this. Idk why these thoughts only seem to come up on Sundays when I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation. Idk why I’m crying rn or why I feel so happy. I’m gonna post this shit then get on with my dissertation I guess. Read more Terry Pratchett and give yourselves the time you need. Get a pet. Talk to someone. Re-examine the events that brought you here. Be gayer. Love y’all 💕
#tgirl swag#worm#mormon#lds church#church of jesus christ of latter day saints#boy scouts#Mormon mission#Mormon missionary#elder#the book of mormon#bisexual#transgender#trans stuff#trans pride#lgbt pride#bi pride#mental health#BYU#pets#my cat#cat#dumb cat#granny weatherwax#terry pratchett
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mdni under the cut •
best friend! sukuna who sneaks into your room through your window uninvited as you’re watching some random comedy show in the middle of the night to “hang out”.
(well.. actually, he isn’t your best friend. he’s really your boyfriend, but your parents don’t approve of your relationship with him, so you have to keep things secret.)
best friend! sukuna who scares you by slamming your window open and jumping in with a “what’s up idiot” as you jolted in your bed and gave him a piercing glare.
“sukuna! what on earth are you doing!!” exasperating and clutching your chest as if you were about to have a heart attack. “if my parents hear or see you here, its game over for the both of us.”
best friend! sukuna who honestly does not care because you’re his girlfriend so he will simply come see you whenever he pleases. and in this time of the night, he needs you right now. “oh nothing too crazy” he looks at his nails with a teasing smirk, “just wanted to see how my little brat is doing that’s all.” as he walks over to your plushie filled, silk, comfy bed and takes a seat.
best friend! sukuna who pretends to be interested in whatever show you’re currently watching as he slides his huge and veiny hands up your thighs and into your pajama shorts.
you began protesting, “kuna, we could be caught this isn’t a good i-“ your breath hitched as he starts rubbing circles with his thumb over your clit.
“lock the door then girl.” rolling his eyes.
best friend! sukuna who pushes your shorts to the side, revealing your pretty puffy folds to his enamored eyes and licks a long stripe down your slit, making you slightly whimper— teasing you with his tongue and middle finger until he softly grabs you by the ankles and tells you to get face down ass up for him.
best friend! sukuna who pumps his thick cock a few times before slowly pushing himself into your sopping wet cunt and letting out a low groan. he’s thrusting in and out of you being careful at first, so that your parents don’t suspect anything, but the way you were gripping around his monstrous dick had him going insane and began fucking into you deeper, teasing your g-spot.
“su- mmph fuck!” becoming cock drunk off of him, tongue lolling out, eyes rolling into the back of your head. and your sly little boyfriend — best friend knowing what exactly you like and how to make you feel good, kept thrusting all the way into you to make you moan as loud as you can on purpose then taunting you, “shhh, you wouldn’t your father to know his sweet little girl is getting her guts rearranged by the boy she’s not supposed to be messing around with, now would you?” devilish grin creeping onto his lips.
best friend! sukuna who’s favorite thing is fucking you dumb on his cock to the point you’re seeing white and can’t conjecture a single thought, but still littering sweet praises in your ear such as, “you’re such a good girl, taking this dick mhm”, “fuck! you’re so tight for me.” “you feel so good gripping around me like that.”
best friend! sukuna who shoots ropes of hot cum into you just as you come undone on him still inside of you, legs beginning to shake. “oh hoho, silly girl… i’m not done with you just yet.” laying you down on your back to stuff his mess back into you with his still hardened length.
best friend! sukuna who loves fucking you full of his seed as he looks into your eyes while he’s on top and cupping your cheeks as lewd noises come from beneath you both.
best friend! sukuna who milks you of everything you got, on the brink of crying from overstimulation and how hard you were about to orgasm. “c- i’m gonna cummmm ‘kuna!”
best friend! sukuna who licks the shell of your ear and leave open mouthed kisses on your jaw as he tells you to let go and cum all over his cock like the filthy slut good girl that you are.
best friend! sukuna who cleans you up with a towel he got from your closet and leaves sweet, loving kisses on your temples as you two cuddle and fall asleep together in each other’s arms in your bed.
best friend! sukuna who wakes up at 6am to leave before your parents wake up and gives you a goodbye/good morning kiss before he exits through your window.
best friend! sukuna and you who thought you two were slick and pretty sure that your parents wouldn’t suspect anything ever happened the previous night.
until you walk into the kitchen for breakfast to your parents asking what all the noise was coming from your room last night and asking where the marks on your neck came from.
oops…
likes + reblogs appreciated <3 please don't steal/copy/modify my works!
#gojoscinnamonroll ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊#i’ve been having WAY too many sukuna brainworms lately#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk sukuna smut#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#sukuna x you#sukuna smut#sukuna jjk#jjk sukuna#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#jjk ryomen#ryomen x reader#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#sukuna ryomen smut#sukuna x female reader#jjk x reader smut#jjk x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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i have a request for roommate!spencer where he's just miserable that no one remembered his birthday at work but when he gets home his roommate just welcomes him with the most thoughtful gift and a warm hug PLEASE
thank you for requesting! <3 fem!reader
The lights are off. The air conditioning blows a shade too cold. Spencer shrugs off his jacket and acknowledges that, despite his awful, aching day, it’s nice to be home.
The living room is clean where it hadn’t been this morning when he left. If he had to clean it by himself, he’d die. It must’ve taken a good hour or longer, even the floor shines sparkling clean.
“Hey?” he asks into the open air, wondering where you are.
“Spencer!” you yelp from the kitchen, “Hey, what took you so long? It’s almost seven!”
He sighs to himself with a great dash of self-pity. “I know. Had to stay and finish something. You cleaned?”
“I had to! Quick, come in here, I need your help with something.”
He doesn’t want to help, he wants to lay down in bed. Spencer wonders how a normal person, a normal boy, would feel after a day like today. He wonders if Morgan would go home and lay in bed and cry. He wonders if it could ever be possible for everyone to forget Morgan’s birthday.
Spencer hangs his jacket on the rack and puts his bag by the shoes. He’s tempted to go to bed and pretend he hasn’t heard you, but he supposes he shouldn’t. He’d sort of been hoping you’d text him happy birthday, and but that never happened. He doesn’t think anybody in the world besides his mom knows what day it is today, and Spencer had to remind her, so.
“Spence,” you say, your smile of a calibre he’s never witnessed, standing in front of the kitchen island with your hands behind your back, “I hope you know I’ve been waiting two whole hours for you to get back. Actually, I’ve been waiting all day, but you can’t be blamed for working. Okay. Are you ready?”
“Am I ready? What did you want help with?”
You step to the side, grinning, the sleeves of your nice blouse like big, soft petals around your wrists and against your thighs. “Tada!” you say, guiding his attention to the silver platter on the countertop, a chocolate cake at centre stage and stuck with candles, flames aglow. “I rushed to light them when I heard the door,” you tell him, and he can hear your breathlessness now, your excitement for him evident. “A lot of candles, you’re getting old! Too old for chocolate sprinkle. I should’ve got you something sophisticated.”
“You got me a cake?”
“It’s your birthday,” you say happily. “Happy birthday, Spencer. I got you some presents, too, but the cake is the best, it’s from the Leaven. How fancy is that?”
“Will you sing?” he asks.
He doesn’t know why he asks. He’s mostly kidding, but you smile shyly and beckon him toward you. “I’ll sing. Come stand over here.”
You sing him happy birthday, and he blows out his candles, only ten candles altogether but enough to feel like a kid as the heat kisses his chin.
“Okay, and I got you this,” you say, finally pulling both hands from behind your back, seemingly eager to move the focus from your performance.
It’s a bundle about as thick as an average novel. He knows it’ll be books before he opens it, because you know him, and it’s in your nature to give him your everything.
He doesn’t look at them. He takes the package blindly and shoves it onto the counter, wrapping you in a hug so hard it makes your back click. “I’m sorry,” he says, but he doesn’t let go. You don’t make him. “Sorry, I just– I–” You’re the only one who remembered. “Thank you for the cake.”
You hug him not quite as hard, but tight. “Hey, it’s okay. I love you, you’re my best friend ever, you can pop me like a roll of dough any day of the week.” You might be exaggerating. Spencer doesn’t know. “But especially today, you know. You can have anything you want.”
Spencer should let go. Anything you want, you’d said. He hugs you until he’s sure you’re sick of him, your thumb pressing little circles into his shoulder, his arms tucked up under your armpits and around your back. “Thanks,” you murmur.
“What?” he asks. “For what?”
“For such a good hug. And being a great roommate. And for not complaining about the candles.”
“The candles are perfect.”
You lean back in his arms. “Thank you. Now what do you want first, cake or dinner?”
Spencer really wants another hug. “Um. Cake?”
“Good choice, handsome.”
His cheeks are pink by the time he gets a slice, but it’s the best birthday cake he’s ever had.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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Tantrums | Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Summary: After 10 years together, Lewis keeps pushing back the date on when “forever” can start. Realising that forever applies to her job and not their relationship, she makes it clear that she’s had enough.
Warnings: slight age gap, reader is 32. angst, heavy on the angst.
Requested: @madelynn-sienna (sorry it took so long. i didn’t think i was gonna do it ngl to you because i don’t really write for lewis)
F1 Masterlist
next.
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yn_ln just posted
liked by carmenmmundt, alexandrasaintmleux and others
yn_ln when he feels bad that he’s on the other side of the world for your birthday
4,444 comments
lewishamilton happy birthday, love. i’m so sorry i’m in australia and not with you but i promise i will make it up to you when i’m home. roscoe promised me he’d spend the day spoiling you
→ roscoelovescoco yes i’s did’s
user1 oh to be loved the way yn is loved by lewis
user2 no one makes me feel as single as lewis and yn do
carmenmmundt @/georgerussell63 take notes
→ yn_ln you tell him, hun
→ georgerussell63 i buy you flowers all the time!
f1 we’re sorry that a race fell on your birthday. we’ll ask the fia to fix the calendar next year so this doesn’t happen again
mercedesamgf1 we’d give him back if we could. happy birthday, yn
georgerussell63 hang on a second. you’ve not left us yet. that’s not the right car
→ charles_leclerc that’s the perfect car
→ yn_ln i didn’t buy the car. i just jumped behind the wheel
user3 not me hoping she’d be getting a ring for her birthday
→ user4 we’ve been waiting for this for the past 8 birthdays
→ user5 it’s been 10 years. we were expecting two rings and a few kids by now
→ user6 i mean, he just bought her a sports car. not very kid friendly
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lewishamilton just posted
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lewishamilton happy 10 years to the love of my life. every moment with you is an adventure i never want to end
9,448 comments
yn_ln forever with you ❤️ mainly because i can’t be bothered to train some new guy to photos that good of me
mercedesamgf1 can’t believe it’s been 10 years already. it feels like only yesterday yn was making her paddock debut. here’s to another 10
→ user7 not mercedes commenting like they’re a part of this relationship
→ user8 well he’s been with yn almost as long as he’s been with mercedes so they practically are at this point
user9 my favourite f1 couple
user10 i love their rich money vibes
roscoelovescoco happy’s anniversary’s mum and’s dad
→ yn_ln my precious boy
→ user11 now she needs a real baby
danielriccairdo i can’t believe she’s managed to put up with you for ten years 😂 huge love to you both
→ yn_ln ngl, it’s been tough
→ lewishamilton i’m taking the ferrari back
user12 wedding and baby when?
georgerussell63 happy 10 year anniversary. yn is my favourite part of you being my teammate
→ carmenmmundt can we keep her when you go to ferrari?
→ charles_leclerc no. it’s my turn now
→ lewishamilton i think you’re all forgetting that she’s mine
mercedesamgf1 just posted
liked by georgerussell63, kimi.antonelli and others
mercedesamgf1 GET IN THERE, LEWIS 🏆🥇 LEWIS HAMILTON IS YOUR BRITISH GRAND PRIX WINNER
23,441 comments
yn_ln my love. i honestly have not stopped crying since you crossed that line. i’m so proud of you. you deserved this and proved to everyone why you’re a motorsport legend
→ lewishamilton couldn't do it without your support 🩷
→ mercedesamgf1 it’s true. the mechanics were uncomfortable when they realised they couldn't just keep giving her tissues
georgerussell63 you deserve it, mate
valterribottas well done champ
user1 can’t believe he won silverstone the same weekend he celebrated 10 years with yn
→ user2 she’s always been his good luck charm. he performs so well when she’s watching
→ user3 they’re the dream team together
user4 the fact that yn is the only one he responded to
user5 she’s getting it good tonight
skysportsf1 posted a new interview
user6 oh no, lewis…
user7 lewis, she was asking what was next for you and yn, relationship wise
user8 oh, that’s not quite
user9 i hope yn doesn’t see this otherwise i fear lewis might be in the doghouse tonight
→ user10 i hope she does see it so that she knows he’s not thinking of her future in the same way
user11 i always thought lewis loved yn as much as yn loved lewis but now i’m not sure
user12 it’s the fact that the poor interviewer looked upset at his answer as well. like she hoped for better
→ user13 we all hoped for better
user14 it’s the fact that she’s always talked about wanting kids and getting married but has always said they’re waiting until lewis is ready
→ user15 the fact that every year passes and he never indicates that he’s ready for any of it though
replies to @/F1Wags
user1 lewis still follows yn
→ user2 and still has all of his photos up, including their anniversary post
→ user1 i’m hoping this means he’s in denial and is still trying to win her back
user3 i can’t believe this is real. she went all the way back and deleted everything related to him in 10 years. even edited posts to delete slides he was in
→ user4 dedicated queen
user5 just fell to my knees in walmart
user6 i’m devastated but i also hope this means she finds a man who will be prepared to give her the life she wants
→ user7 well, more fool her for staying this long
→ user6 not really. ever think she wanted those things because she wanted them with lewis
→ user8 don’t break my heart like this please
replies to @/WeDon'tThink
user9 okay but your pen was on fire when you wrote that
user10 he literally had the best weekend of his life with a 10yr anniversary, winning silverstone and then clearly messed it all up somehow in the end
user11 if sir lewis hamilton can’t even do right, what hope do the rest of us have in finding a decent man
→ user12 no because they looked just as in love as they did 10 years ago and he still fumbled
user13 i saw rumours it was because he gave her an ultimatum and she didn’t take the path he wanted
→ user14 what do you mean?
→ user13 apparently “close sources” said that he told her if she wanted kids, she couldn't have him and so she left
→ user14 wtf!!! good on her for dumping his ass
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calvinklein and yn_ln just posted
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calvinklein @/yn_ln is stunning in calvin klein underwear. shop the collection now
5,533 comments
yn_ln oh okay. i look goooood
→ alexandrasaintmleux i would let you take me home
→ carmenmmundt me too
→ georgerussell63 excuse me, i don’t agree with this
user1 aha, nico we see you
→ user2 and fernando
landonorris oh so he fumbled bad
→ oscarpiastri they’re going to take your social media off you again
user3 is this her version of a revenge dress?
→ user4 more like undress
user5 not sure why you wouldn’t want to marry and give a baby to a woman like that
→ user6 okay, ew
user7 can we appreciate how she’s handled this with class. instead of speaking out against lewis, she’s been booked and busy and flitting about europe on modelling jobs
→ user8 just further proof that he managed to lose the best woman ever
roscoelovescoco you’s look’s nice, mum
→ user9 i know lewis hires someone to run this account but what are the odds that he’s actually behind it now so he can stalk yn
yn_ln please can we all focus on the clothes and support how hot i look by buying some!
→ danielricciardo don’t even have tits but you convinced me to buy a bra
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lewishamilton just posted
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lewishamilton mixed feelings about today. obviously happy for a win but very disappointing for george and the team missing out on a 1-2
7,744 comments
georgerussell63 we put up a good fight today
user1 not really a deserved win though, is it
user2 you fumbled yn and now you’re fumbling wins. you only got this because merc screwed over george
roscoelovescoco well’s done’s dad
user3 see what happens when you play a good woman, you get a dirty win
user4 man needs to act his age. can’t believe at the grand age of 39, he strung along a girl who loved him more than anything for 10 years
→ user5 destroyed my faith in men for real
user6 robbed a win from george like you robbed 10 years from yn
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I wrote this out and was really proud of it and then when I was adding the other driver’s versions on, I realised it was the same principal as Daniel’s so I’m so sorry for the repeated plot
Baby Fever Angst Masterlist
requests are open
#formula 1#f1#formula 1 smau#f1 smau#formula 1 social media au#f1 social media au#social media au imagine#formula 1 headcanon#formula 1 one shot#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 headcanon#f1 drabble#f1 one shot#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#formula one imagine#formula one x reader#formula one fluff#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton drabble#lewis hamilton headcanon#lewis hamilton one shot#lewis hamilton fluff#lewis hamilton smau#lewis hamilton x reader#baby fever angst
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TW: nsfw, anal, suggestiveness & pressuring
fem reader
Thinking about really boyfriendly boyfriends – simpy and helpful and sweet – boyfriend material perfectly cut as if custom-ordered – boxed and shipped and sent express mail from the boyfriend factory with love.
He’s interested in your hobbies and studies and is equally passionate about sharing his interests with you. He’s comfortable and playful with your family and makes a true effort to befriend your friends. He’s even outgoing at parties where he doesn’t know anyone but you instead of sulking and asking you to leave like so many past boyfriends have.
He likes sharing food, sings loudly in the car, texts you throughout the day, and calls you when he’s at the store before coming over, asking if you need or want anything. He’s open and honest and geeks over new releases – that movie trailer, that game, those sneakers, that album, that car, and all that other boy stuff – and yet never fails to tell you how beautiful you are every time he sees you.
And he likes taking you on dates – cinema, arcade, roller rink, amusement park, road trips, picnics, beach days – or simply hanging out at his or your place – making food, binging a series in bed, kissing and dry-humping…
He’s just, all in all, everything you could’ve ever wished for. Perfect in every way.
Only… there hasn’t been a single time he’s had you in bed where he hasn’t all but begged to fuck your ass…
He’s literally crying for it while moaning, “Please~ lemme put it in~ just wanna try it once, please, baby~” with his hands squeezing your butt over your shorts and his head under your shirt, kissing and sucking your tits with the prayers on his lips as he humps his tented crotch against your clothed cunt – making your panties hot and damp.
You squeeze your eyes shut with a suppressed whine.
He keeps pleading, “I’ll be gentle~ just the tip~ I’ll go so slow~”
His fingers dig into the crevice of your cheeks, wedging your shorts and undies through your slit. Everything clenches from the friction.
Your face is heated, biting your lip with cinched brows. You knew he’d ask for it again today – he never doesn’t. Even though he’ll get pussy-drunk and pound your poor womb in a tight mating press the second he’s made you cum on his fingers.
He slurps your nipple, still begging, “Please, baby, please~ it’ll feel so good~ so-so-so good~”
You’d been deliberating giving in to his incessant proposals for a little while. He’d been so unrelenting you were starting to feel bad denying him for so long.
Not like past boyfriends hadn’t been equally relentless in the ask.
But this one was different… unlike the others… you really like him.
You think you might be in love with him, even though it’s a little early to say.
Still… since he’s so perfect… you want to do your best to be perfect for him, too.
So you’d made yourself ready for it this time – done preparations in the shower.
But… you pout… it was all so embarrassing, and your poor mind was riddled with doubts as though you were a virgin all over again.
What if something… gross happens? What if it hurts so bad you have to stop? Will it disappoint him? What if you hate it but go through with it anyway, only for him to keep asking? What if you have to break up because you won’t ever be able to look him in the eyes again?
“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” His voice slips through the inner turmoil.
He’d resurfaced from beneath your shirt on account of your silence, only to see you’d covered your face in both hands. He gently peels them away – revealing your eyes and the shy way you nibble your lip.
“I’m sorry…” He apologizes then. “I’ll stop asking-”
“No!” You blurt. To his surprise – staring at you with those big puppy-dog eyes you just couldn’t handle seeing look so disheartened. “I mean…”
You look away, cheeks burning – voice just barely above a whisper.
“If you really want to… I’m fine with it…”
He seemed to perk up at that. If he’d had a tail, you know it would be wagging behind him.
His chest swelled, eyes big and unblinking, swallowing thickly – breaths already thick with containment.
He leans in close and nose-kisses you, brushing your lips with heated words, “Really? You’ll let me?”
You made a small sound, too humiliated to say or do much more than nod your head in confirmation.
He seemed to shudder, closing the space between you, kissing your lips softly – he tasted like static – buzzing with restricted urgency. Parting with a soft-spoken yet strained, “Thank you.”
Both his hands messaged your waist – fiddled with the band to your shorts as though he couldn’t wait to drag them down your thighs and free you.
Still speaking against your lips, “Can you turn around on your knees for me?”
Everything was burning – from the tips of your ears to your lips and deep down in your stomach where something equally hungry and anxious was preparing for something.
He moved back to allow you to crawl into position, taking a pillow and placing it underneath you – patting it while telling you to “Lie down.”
You did like suggested, lying with your face and chest against the soft plume, sinking into it with your back in a slope and your ass presented. Heart pounding in your head, loud and hot, as he took position behind you – placing his hand back on your hips.
He hooked his fingers into the band of your shorts again, pulling them back over the fat of your haunches, then dragged them down slowly until they pooled around your knees. You felt the damp heat of his breath immediately hit the peach fuzz on the small of your back – seeping through the cotton of your panties – making your belly brew with butterflies.
“Just relax, okay? Tell me to stop if I go too far.” He said, sensing how you quaked as he placed both palms on your globes – denting the plump flesh with greedy fingers.
It’s not like you haven’t fucked in this position before – it’s just that you knew this time was going to be different. You felt so exposed.
He fingered the frill of your panties and started peeling them off – baring your naked skin and the pretty dip between your cheeks.
You yelped. His mouth was on you before he’d even finished undressing you – placing a sloppy half-bite half-kiss on your upper ass before proceeding to slurp the crack.
You whimpered – flustered and flushed as the heat of his tongue laid wet trails down through the valley until his lips met with your rim. You shuffled your thighs and balled the pillow in small fists as he groaned into you. Shamelessly squeezing your fat with his hands, spreading the cheeks to let him at your little puckered hole.
Your eyes screwed shut while you hid your face in the pillow beneath you – muffling all uneasy sounds as he canted his mouth against your ass. Chin rutting into your puffy cunt while bobbing his jaw, lipping at your taint and rim – nose nuzzled between your cheeks – mouth fully closed around you – moaning at the feel of it pulsing on the tip of his tongue as he runs it over the tight scrunch again and again.
Your shoulders brace as he tries and screw the wet muscle inside. You tense up way too tight for it to happen.
He smacks off with a raunchy sigh. Your heart is in your throat.
Slick from your ignored cunt feels sticky on your swelled pussy-lips – hot and twitching in the cool air.
He pops the cap of the little bottle of lube the two of you always keep on hand. You flinch when his slick fingers come back to rub your hole. He gives it slow and soothing circles before easing the tip inside. Filling you up only to the first joint, waiting for you to relax and loosen before sinking the rest inside.
He hums at the display, groaning, “Fuuh-ck~” Sliding the digit in knuckle-deep before slipping it out to the tip again – repeating the motion while feeling your muscles ripple around it. “You’re so cute, baby~ so pretty~”
He bows and places a chaste kiss on your buttcheek, laying his face on it like a pillow – his eyes half-mast while looking at his finger disappear inside you.
He works another in with the first, shuffling them – messaging the tightness, slowly training it to stretch. His hot breath fans over your wet skin, making you go goosefleshed.
“Fuck, baby – so pretty with my fingers inside yah~” He hums, almost in a whine while curling them inside you. “So fucking hot how you swallow and squeeze on ‘em like that~”
He pulls himself up again, tugging on his belt with one hand – keeping on fingering you with the other.
His pants drop to the floor a moment later, and he lifts his neglected cock out of the sticky mess he’d made in his boxers – throbbingly fat and hard, pulsing in his fist and leaking pre, another pearl each time he rubs over the bulge of his tip.
He looks at your hole – eyes misty. You seem to have loosened up a bit – enough for him to part his fingers.
He pulls them both out with a schlick. “I think you’re ready…” His voice is sticky – stuck to his throat. “I’m gonna try ‘n put it in.”
Your hands curl into the pillow as you nod your head – eyes still squeezed shut. It hadn't felt too bad so far – just weird. Embarrassing and… clinical. A bit like a doctor’s visit. But you knew that would all change now.
His hands glide across your back, catching your crop top in balled fists, stretching it as his tip works on stretching out your opening – nudging against it, coaxing it into accepting the head.
“Fuh- oh fuck~” He moans, lost to the sight and feel of your butt seizing around him – closing up around his tip.
You look so fucking perfect like that – face-down and kneeling with your ass pressed back against him – giving him your second virginity.
His eyes flitter across the slope of your spine – looking over your creamy skin, looking so pretty, all glossy with dew, until he reaches your face. Your brows are pinched together, gnawing on your bottom lip, eyes shut tightly.
“Are you okay?” He pants.
You nod your head – curt and rushed.
He suppresses a sound – feeling even more heated. You’re so perfect, so good to him – the best girlfriend he could have ever asked for. Trusting him like this, letting him do this even when you’re so nervous about it. You must really love him.
He’s nearly crying, holding onto your hips as he fucks you with just the tip – loosening the rim up and going just a little deeper for every shallow thrust. He nearly barrels over, standing there with his back hunched – bowing his head, looking at where the two of you connect while sweat drips from his weighted bangs.
“I love you, too.” He confesses out of the blue, and you blink, looking back at him – seeing his mouth parted with blissful moans, his eyes wet, and brows softly curled. “You’re so fuckin’ perfect fo’me – so good.”
He loves you so much he can barely take the blossoming in his chest, feeling like he wants to eat you up and swallow you whole. His girl – who laughs at all his silly jokes and holds his hand everywhere you go and doesn’t tease him when he yelps and holds you close during horror movies. His perfect perky girlfriend – who lets him fuck you raw and cum inside, and now… even letting him fuck your tight round ass for the very first time.
He's almost all the way in now – just a few more thrusts, and you’ll have him swallowed down to the base with his balls pressed firmly against the puffy lips of your wet pussy.
“Fuh-uuck-” He breathes out again, gripping your hips tight as he bottoms out.
He nearly cums right then, having to bite his lip to hold back – savoring how you ripple and squeeze him – so tight and firm.
You’re such a good girl taking him so well and so deep, lying so sweetly beneath him with your ass presented – letting him nestle his entire length inside you. Curling your toes all cutely as you adjust with only pretty girly mews leaving you.
You didn’t expect him to mount you.
But he does. Now standing with his feet in the bed, squatting over you with his cock sinking balls deep in your ass. Freshly broken-in, it’s tight and firm and twitchy as though it’s confused as to why there's a big fat cock stretching it out.
He can’t help but smile, perched on top of you – hands still hooked upon your hips for balance while he leans forward, settling even deeper.
You moan, and it nearly drives him wild. Barely holding himself together as he pulls out – wishing he had something to bite into instead of his lip as he focuses on the way your firm walls clench on him, clinging to his shaft so tightly it’s hard pulling out despite the wetness – it’s so good he’s losing it.
He’s taking his perfect girlfriend in her perfect ass. And it feels so fucking good his hands leave their grip on your hips as he slugs forward, bending over you until his chest presses into your back, and his head rests on top of yours, cheek to cheek – slinging both arms around you, putting you in a headlock – leaving you to do nothing else but pant, squished between his biceps and his cock kisses your guts.
“Can’t believe I'm fucking your little ass, baby.” He rants breathlessly. “It's so tight and good, gripping me so fuckin’ hard.” Huffing and groaning with his back hunched as he curves into your butt as deep as he can – stuffing into you from behind slowly and carefully as though he’s savoring every single flutter of you hugging him.
He’s barely even pulling out – kneading as far as his cock can reach instead – cock-warming himself inside you.
“Fuck, baby – I can cum inside, right?” He whimpers against you, kissing the corner of your mouth with his tongue out.
You’re so squished beneath him you can only just wheeze out the word. “O-okay-”
“Oh- fuck, I love you.” He cries when he blows, squeezing you so tight you’re choking as he pumps pulse after pulse of thick hot cum deep inside you. “I love you, I love you- love you- love you so much- so fuckin’ much-”
And you don’t know if it’s the confession, the headlock, or the cum being pumped up your guts – but your clit’s pulsing and your cunt’s twitching even though it’s around nothing, gushing down your shaking thighs as your butt pushes itself flush against your boyfriend’s cock, clenching hard around it and milking him free of every drop.
♡ BNHA – Deku, Shoto, Denki, Kirishima, Shigaraki, Touya-Dabi, Hawks, Natsuo, Mirio ♡ JJK – Gojo, Yuji, Yuuta, Choso ♡ HQ – Kuro, Bokuto, Miya twins ♡ AOT – Armin ♡ DS – Zenitsu ♡ WB – Sakura, Nirei, Umemiya
♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist
#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere x you#yandere imagines#yandere smut#yancore#yandere boyfriend#boyfriend#boyfriend scenarios#smut#yandere my hero academia#yandere boku no hero academia#boku no hero academia smut#mha smut#yandere mha#yandere bnha#my hero smut#my hero academia smut#bnha smut#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jjk#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut
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Part one
Rafe had been calling you extensively. To the point, where you had to have do not disturb on. You didn’t have it in you yet to block him. You forgot he also knew where you lived.
“You know we could have done this the easy way. Now we’re going to have to do the hard way.” He said, once you opened the door. You didn’t even have time to run, he had grabbed you forcefully. You screamed.
“Shhh, baby shh.”
You knew he had erratic behavior. He just hadn’t ever displayed it before to you.
“Rafe! Rafe! Put me down!”
“Rafe, dude. Come on, is this really necessary?”Topper says, watching his friend manhandle you.
“Shut the fuck up, Top!” Rafe says. “Help me get her in the car.”
“No! Get off!” You scream, you’re scratching at his arms and he winces in pain.
“Ow! Stop that!”
You manage to pull away from his strong hold.
“Enough Rafe, you can’t force me to go anywhere with you. This counts as kidnapping, ya know!”
He tries to grab you again but Topper gets inbetween.
“Do you really want to get in my way, Topper?” Rafe says, his eyes are on you though.
“Dude, this is not the way. You told me we came here so you could talk to her. Not force her to go somewhere against her will.”
Rafe begins to cry as he sees you flinch back. He doesn’t even care that Topper can see.
“Let her go, dude.” Topper says gently. You never would have guessed, Topper to be the voice of reason. But here he was.
“No! Fuck you, Topper. Please baby, please! I promise. I promise I’ll get clean. I haven’t even touched coke in weeks. Tell her Top. Tell her!”
You can tell he’s lying through his teeth. His jaw is swinging. And he keeps wiping away at his nose. His eyes are red from the tears.
“Baby, please.”
“I’m not your baby anymore.” You finally say.
“No.” He cries. “No don’t say shit like that. You’re breaking my heart baby. I fucked up, I know that. But you don’t have to punish me for it. Please. The coke will go away. The parties. I’ll change my lifestyle. I’ll be different.” He pauses. “I’ll be a different Rafe. Clean Rafe. Good Rafe. Country club Rafe. No drugs. No alcohol.”
He’s hitting his head with his hand as he says each word. A part of you aches to go to him to make him stop.
But you can tell he’s bluffing. You know he’ll do it sneakily.
“Rafe, you don’t know how to. That is your life. Until you’re serious—.” You try to speak but he cuts you off abruptly.
“I am serious! Tell her Topper. Fucking tell her! I stopped it all.”
You begin to cry, scared of the boy you’re looking at. Scared of whose he’s become. This wasn’t your Rafe.
“Come on, man. You’re scaring her. Let’s just go, okay—“
“Shut up Topper! Why can’t you shut up! You’re not helping me!”
He finally manages to get around Topper. His arms are around you again, he hiccups from the tears he’s crying.
“Princess, please. I’ll do anything. I’ll get on my knees. Please, don’t leave me. I love you. I love you.”
Kelce shows up out of nowhere. You don’t even realized he’s pulled up.
“That’s enough Rafe. Come on man. Let her be.” Both boys grab Rafe, freeing you from his grip.
“No! Please, no! I need her! I fucking need her.”
Grim faces are present on both boys faces.
“We know man. Just come on.”
Once they get him away, you crumble to the ground. Sobs breaking out of you.
“Hey! Is everything okay? We heard screaming.” Your old elderly neighbor asks. She’s a sweet old lady, who gardens when she can. You’ve helped her out a few times.
“Why don’t you come in. I’ve made some pie. I think you’ll like it.”
You manage to get up and follow her in. She gives you a sad smile.
“I’m sorry for the screaming.” You say meekly.
“Don’t ever apologize for another persons actions. Especially not a boy who doesn’t know when no means no. You’re so much stronger than that. I know it. I’ve known you since you were four. You’ve always been a fierce girl. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.” Her hand is on your shoulder. Gentle. Unlike Rafes iron clad grip. You almost burst out crying again.
“Come on, let’s enjoy some pie.”
#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#outerbanks rafe#rafe obx#rafe imagine#this one is the longest fic I’ve made in a long while#rafe x you
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Sucking off a pretty bf with pretty expressions~
(Dom!gn!Reader x sub!male!character)
It didn’t really matter where or why you two would do it, since he’d always listen to you anyway. All because this love-starved little thing’s so eager for any shred of your affection on a daily basis, following you around like a lost animal. That makes him so fun to bully!
Just pin him against the nearest wall or make him sit down wherever possible. Hovering above the ground or spreading his pretty legs while you teasingly tap his bulge. Once, twice, maybe squeeze it a little or blow hot air against it, all to get a reaction out of him. Watch that bulge twitch all excited, so easy to understand compared to his broken words.
Oh, what’s this? He’s already hard for you~ take it a liiiittle further by kissing his clothes sex, looking up at him to see him on the verge of tearing up. Chest heaving as he throws his palm over his mouth. That’s is? He’s already feeling it so strongly? How was he going to handle you? Well, you don’t mind breaking your toy once in a while.
“H-hurry… please.” Look how naive he is, so unknowing. He’s so cute when he starts begging you with a muffled voice, so pretty and whorish when he hesitantly pulls down his pants and underwear with a trembling hand. Gosh, if you were to take it any further, won’t this pathetic little boy cry? Wouldn’t his mind turn to mush already?
And when you finally start teasing his tip, maybe even giving him loooong and intimate licks along his shaft, be prepared to hear the sweetest moans and whimpers ever! The blush on his cheeks are spreading to his ears and chest, and his sensitive dick is leaking so much pre already! You haven’t even began properly.
If you were to bless him with your mouth, he’d first melt due to your touch. The feeling of your hot mouth and wet tongue on his lewd cock is so erotic, so perverted! He can’t control his voice, it’s all leaking out, “ah- ohh, nghh, ahh-UhmM♡♥︎!!”
What a cute but pathetic thing, already screaming ‘cummin’ m’cummin’!!’ When all you did was suck him off a little. This won’t do, it doesn’t matter if you’re in public or not, this is simply too early for it to be fun. Pulling back just to tell him ‘not yet’. Now he’s crying and whining about how you are too cruel, how he desperately needs you :(
Poor boy, guess there’s no other way huh? He’s so helpless in situations like this, he needs your guidance! At this point you’ve taken pity on him and decided to let him cum, cooing at him, praising him, but since you are sucking him off he can only make out quiet humming sounds.
On the other hand, the vibrations of your voice is driving him crazy, it’s adding so much more pleasure to the already overwhelming batch, it’s so intense he was itching to grab your hair and feel more. Luckily he remembered not to, he knew the consequences, he didn’t want to disappoint you.
That sweet and obedient man is now moaning so loudly you can call him ‘your woman’. Head thrown back as he tried to warn you with broken sentences, “cu-mHMmiiinng!! I’m cu-cuuuu cumminnnng! ♡~”
Not long after he’s shooting his thick and disgusting cum into your mouth, squirming and withering. This won’t do though, you didn’t feel like swallowing it on that day. So instead, you commanded him to open his mouth all wide and to stick his tongue out. Yanking on his hair to make it easier, lining your lips adobe his, slowly letting it drip down from the tip of your tongue.
You don’t even have to order him to and he’s already gulped it all done. Such a good boy, right? Your good boy, your very best and most obscene boy toy. Just to make sure, he’d ask, “Did I do good? I hope I pleased you♡”
Your favourites!
#sub character#sub!character#dom reader#dom!reader#sub bsd#sub bungou stray dogs#sub honkai star rail#sub hsr#sub genshin impact#sub genshin#sub kny#sub demon slayer#sub jujutsu kaisen#sub jjk#sub wuwa#sub wuthering waves#sub whb#sub what in hell is bad#sub gojo#sub scara#sub neuvillette#sub sunday#sub chuuya#sub akutagawa#sub giyuu#sub rengoku#sub sigma#sub Zhongli#sub lads#sub love and deepspace
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