#this blog ain’t dead I was on vacation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thornbushrose · 2 years ago

Text

I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with this fanfiction. I found an outlining structure that seems to be working. So here's another excerpt. I'm at 24,000 words so far, and it's maybe a little more than a quarter written. I think it'll be novella length when I'm done. If I could write chronologically instead of hopping all over the place, and if I could write a finished chapter without having to just burp out a first draft and then refine it later, I'd start posting for reals, but alas. You will have to wait until I'm done.

Now, if you were a beta reader, I could make exceptions. Just sayin'.

Also, I don't have a working title yet. I hate making up titles.

=====================

This chapter is about what Birdie gets up to after a hard day of work at the orphanage.

=====================

That night, Birdie was the last one to arrive at her meeting. She mounted the ladder to the balcony around the ancient water tower and noted sourly that even her pet raven, Harbinger, was already there, perched on the railing, begging for snacks from the others.

Near the ladder, Victor lounged with his back to the water tank, wearing sweats on his long legs and a ridiculous purple cape over his narrow shoulders, and eating an ice cream cone. “Hey Birdie,” he said nonchalantly. He probably expected Birdie to be impressed that he’d gotten all the way up here with an ice cream cone. Birdie actually was kind of impressed.

Vic’s cape had Chinese characters embroidered on it, which Victor claimed were enchantments, though Birdie highly doubted his Vietnamese family had taught him to read Chinese. “Hey Vic,” Birdie said. “Edna Mode says no capes.”

He scoffed. “Edna Mode can kiss my ass.”

“You mispronounced ‘kick.’” Birdie slid past him to join Louis and Lore sitting against the water tank. “Hey, nerds,” she said.

Louis made a finger-gun salute and said, “Reporting for duty, Nerd Leader.” He was dressed in Daredevil red and had a protein shake in his hand. He always had some kind of health food or other, but he never seemed to lose weight. The pudge around his chin and muscles was deceptive, though. He taught Taekwondo and could probably bench-press Birdie.

Harbinger hopped down the railing, following Birdie. He clacked his ridiculous beak, as if to remind her that he was hungry. Birdie wasn’t buying it. She had fed him plenty at home, and she knew he ate during the day when he was out.

But Louis eyed him suspiciously. “Remind me why a cute little muppet like you has such a creepy bird?”

Birdie shrugged. “Do I have him? Or does he have me?”

“You know I ain’t smart enough for philosophical questions like that.”

Birdie gave him a skeptical look. “Wasn’t your SAT higher than mine? Look, he just showed up in my apartment after the Battle of New York. I don’t keep him locked up. He stays for the free food and the lulz.”

Louis kept frowning at Harbinger. Harbinger ducked his head and croaked, “Nevermore?”

Louis said, “I don’t think he’s actually a raven, you know.”

Birdie sighed. “You may be right. But damn if I’m going to ask him about it.” She plopped down between Louis and Lore.

Lore smirked. She was taller and curvier than Birdie and had her hair in a hundred little braids this week. She had smooth, deep brown skin and tonight wore a purple hoodie and leggings and high-tops that made her look like she might be about to pose for an album cover or something. She had been Birdie’s best friend since high school, and had just returned from the Marines. Now that Birdie thought about it, Lore could probably bench-press her, too. “How’s the blog going, Vic?” Lore asked.

“Same,” he sighed, his voice slightly bitter. “No legit sightings.”

Louis said. “Maybe he’s on vacation or something.”

“For four months?” Lore asked. “Don’t you think he has a day job?”

“I’m just not buying that he’s dead,” Louis insisted. “Heroes don’t die.”

“The other supers said he didn’t make it out,” Birdie said, opening the small bag of peanuts she’d brought. “You don’t believe them?”

“That’s only a rumor. Somebody’s cousin’s neighbor is an emt who overheard them,” Louis said. “I guess I just believe in Daredevil, you know? He’ll come back when we need him.”

“What, like King Arthur?” Vic laughed.

“There’s already been an uptick in crime in Hell’s Kitchen,” Lore said. “We need him.”

Birdie tossed a couple of peanuts to Harbinger. “Two of our boys got caught selling meth last week.”

“Whoa,” Lore said. “Where were they cooking it?”

“That’s just it. They weren’t. Someone was supplying them.”

“Who would do that?” Vic said. He sighed. “I believe in Daredevil too. That’s why I’m keeping the blog open. But wherever he is, I don’t think he’s there by choice. I just hope he can come back someday.”

“He’ll be back,” Louis said. “He’s done so much for the Kitchen. He wouldn’t abandon us now.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Vic pushed himself to his feet. “And on that note, let’s get this meeting started.” He tossed the last bite of his cone to Harbinger, and stood in front of them with his hands folded behind his back. “The purpose of this meeting is to create a name for our group. The list, Louis.”

Louis pulled a piece of paper that looked suspiciously like a drugstore receipt out of his pocket and read from the back of it. “Power Players.”

Lore laughed. “Sounds like a boy band.”

“Did the rest of you get powers?” Birdie asked. “I thought I was the only one.”

“Okay, next.” Vic turned and paced across in front of them.

“Crimemasters?”

Birdie winced. “That might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

“No,” Lore said firmly. “Next.”

“Hell’s Kitchen Crime Fighters, to be abbreviated as HKCF.”

Lore narrowed her eyes. “It sounds like we’re going to make fried chicken.”

“No,” Birdie laughed, wagging a finger. “That might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You guys don’t like anything!” Vic complained.

“And before you ask,” Birdie said, “DD Fan Club, or Daredevilitos, or whatever Devil-themed idea you have, is not okay either.”

Louis looked deflated. Everyone sat around for a moment, silent.

“I kinda liked Daredevilitos,” Louis muttered.

Vic spoke over him. “We can’t be vigilantes without a name. What will the news guys call us? How can we make a hashtag?”

“How about ‘The Parkour Club’?” Lore said.

Birdie tilted her head. “Easy to say. Actually describes who we are. No cheese detected. I like it.”

The boys looked unconvinced.

Birdie said, “Okay, raise your hand if you’re too scared of Lore to contradict her anyway.”

Lore giggled, burying her face, and smacked Birdie’s shoulder. The boys reluctantly raised their hands. Birdie gleefully joined them.

#daredevil fanfic #daaredevil fan fiction #slow burn #Matt/OC #matt isn't even in this scene #but doesn't Harbinger make up for it?#matt murdock #The Parkour Club

0 notes

popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

Text

Top 12 Three Caballeros Moments: Ride of the Three Caballeros Epilogue!

Salduos Amigos...and Adios, as this is the FINAL part of my 20 part look at those happy amigos, those snappy chappies in matching serapes, those birds of the feather, THE THREE CABALLEROS, THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABALLEROS! Yes after 19 other articles, all paid for by megafan and patron of the blog @weirdkev27, it’s time to bid our boys a fond farewell. And what a ride i’ts been... we’ve had trips to Bahia, animaton sequences requiring a LOT of 1940′s cocaine ,Jose reinacting the plot of “Come a LIttle Bit Closer” by jay and the americans but ironcially not in the Badman Jose roll,, a less happy reunion where Donald went full vanilla ice for a few moments, Panchito giving us his long and storied family history in song form, Donald needing a vacation after his girlfriend punched him in the face and instead getting eaten by a giant snake, FLAMENCO MASTER HORACE HORSECOLLAR, Soccer with super cars, and our heroes having a warm and fun reunion and having to admit their lives didn’t turn out so good while Dewey jacaksses around in the subplot.

And all of this lead into their very own series where our heroes met a goddess and wayne knight all in the same day, defeated THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR, got into a giant robot fight on the fucking moon, meeting the roman gods who live on and tend to the norse world tree for some reason, preventing a stupidly started lava apocalypse, going to goblin jail via song, meeting some literal dead presidents, chasing a bear around a fancy rich people town, getting into the ch-ch-chalk zone, fighting a wrestling match against the respresntive of the god of death, dying and coming back to life as a result of said wrestling match, going to camelot to train with king arthrus’ self helf book, going to a yeti spa and finally returning for one last battle with an evil wizard, his pet monkeybatdonkeyrat, and wayne knight, and have to put up with Donald’s shrill abusive ex girlfriend through about half of it. All in all good stuff and i’ll always be greatful for kevn funding this and giving me the chance to both finally watch legend and in general cover these wonderful characters. While i’m sure Panchito and Jose wil lbe back for the big finale of Ducktales, I’m gonna miss these guys and hope they get another shot at the big time one day.

But Kevin had a great idea, one I decided to do for free since this thing cost 100 dollars together as it was a movie, and 20 episodes of television, so it was a LOT to do. Fun but a lot of work. A top 12 list of the best moments from across the works covered for this retrospective. From the movie to the series, these are the best of the best moments of the best boys around. So without further adeu join me under the cut as I throw one hell of an after party for one hell of a ride.

12. The Cold Blooded Penguin (The Three Caballeros (Movie) )

This one is low because it doesn’t exactly involve the boys at all as this was a short in their movie. But what can I say, I love penguins, especially Opus.

And the charming tale of a pengy named Pablo who has trouble with the cold and wants to head off for warmer climates just never ceases to entertain me. It’s adorable, pretty funny and just a nice little start to the film every time I watch it. Especially his friends with the sleepy, depressed eyebrows. Really relate to them, especially the tall one with a ponch, aka me as a penguin. Not much else to say hence why it’s so low, but I really enjoyed this short and can’t help but put Pablo on the list.. and wish he’d gotten a nod in Legend, but then again given we weren’t given a second season they were probably just saving him.

11. Charon’s Fabulous Cruise (Legend of the Three Caballeros) Another Cabs free entry but I Just love this concept: Charon, ferryman of the river sticks.. deciding since he’s not getting as many customers to turn it into a cruise ship complete with add. IT’s low both because it dosen’t involve the boys and it dosen’t take up much of it’s episode.. but damn if it ain’t funny. And Jim Cummings just brings his all to it.. granted HE always does, the man’s a legend for a reason, but dosne’t make his performance any less lovely. WIsh we got a second season just so we could see this guy again among other reasons.

10. You Don’t Get a Vacation You Take it (Legend of the Three Caballeros) Wayne Knight as Sheldgoose.. was easily one of the best parts of Legend of the Three Caballeros. While the show itself was fairly high quality it’s other main villain Feldrake eventually fell into just calling Sheldgoose a moron and hitting him as his only character. IN contrast while at first apperance Sheldgoose was just a rich asshole with hair that looks like a bad toupe but apparently is his actual hair and what he choose to go with and a hell of a moustache.. and while that’s all true, he’s also cunning and manipultive, often making Feldrake’s plans work simply by using clever manipulations. He’s funny, enaging and the sadest part of no second season is not getting more of this guy. Hopefully he’ll show up in another.. even the comics using him without Wayne Knight’s Dulect Tones would be nice. He’s a good villian and would fit just as well in the classic comics being either a snooty nuisance to donald in some way, or being a rival fro scrooge, also being rich but his family having earned it by stealing from others. But for now what we got ain’t bad and hte best example of just what sheldgoose is capable of is also his first bit of contirbuting more than as a set of hands for feldrake, phrasing. His vilian song. Yes Wayne Knight FINALLY gets a villian song. Your very welcome.

youtube

The song is just fun, a Luau type song with a sinster undercurrent and wayne knight just having a hell of a time, alternating between speaking and singing> It’s low on this list because i’ts an OKAY song, i’ve seen better villian songs, I just really liked this one, and because it dosen’t exactly involved the boys, but I still hold to my convictions in putting this one on here.

9. Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González (House of Mouse) Only House of Mouse entry, and suprisingly it’s not Donald squeaking “And i’m donald duck!” , which has been burned into my brain for a few decades. No it’s the groups OTHER song in there second apperance on the show Not So Goofy, sung by the incomprable Rob Pauslen. While I sitll think he was easily the worst Jose of the bunch, and that the roll never should’ve been given to a white man to begin with, credit where it’s do: he wasn’t a have bad panchito. He only voiced everyone’s faviorite rooster, suck it Foghorn Leghorn, once, for a song, likely to capatalize on the fact Paulsen was famed for Yakko’s World and other songs where he sang a lot at once, but boy did he make a meal of it. Observe.

youtube

The song is lightly hampered by the fact it also uses his version of Jose which is probably the worst work i’ve heard from Rob. And given it’s the only roll i’ve heard of his that wasn’t very good and he’s still VERY CLEARLY trying his best, that says a lot to the guy’s quality. And im not saying all this to avoid backlash, I stand by what I say and how I say it.. i’m saying it because I truly love and respect the guy this just was not his best work. This song however is Rob on full blast, using his ablitlity to talk fast no matter the voice to give us one heck of a lively performance and name for Panchito, one that was reused for Ride of the Three Cabs though sadly minus the song, as I would’ve LOVED to hear Jamie Camill belt this one out. But the lively animation and liveleir performance earn this one a spot.

8. Baia, Donald (The Three Caballeros) For this one i’m squishing three different but related parts of the movie together: The “Have you been to Baia, Donald” song, the train trip there and the awesome musical number at the end. But all three flow together as one great sequence with the frist two serviing as a fun prelude for a fun sequence as Donald and Jose try to woo a lady named Yaya, played by Aurora Miranda, and get into a big and fun dance number that for the time is AMAZINGLY blended with the live action work. The song is an utter ear worm, the seqeunce is fun and it lacks some of the creepiness Donald’s later session of flirting had and the colors are vibrant as hell. Wonderful, beautiful stuff. It’s really hard to talk about as not a lot happens in it other than a fun bit of song and dance.. but sometimes tha’ts just waht you need: a bunch of actors, two of which were animated, moving and groving to a heckuva beat.

7. I Love You Guys (Legend of the Three Caballeros) This was just a very sweet moment but one I treasure. The Cabs beat a giant horrifying rage beast.. by genuinely apoologizing to donald, telling him they love him then having a group hug. After a full episode before this of them just kinda ignoring what he cared about, Xandra and the boys genuine apologies and Donald genuinely telling them “I love you guys” and realizing for the first time in his life he’s genuinely loved and appricated. It just feels so fucking nice. Shame they didn’t you know.. end the Daisy plot with him realizing he dind’t need or or that he wasn’t angsiting over a selfish goldigger in the first place but hey, you take what you can get sometimes and the getting is good here.

6. The Cabs Song .. in Comic Form! (The Three Caballeros Ride Again!)

Another fairly quick one to talk about but one’s that damn impressive. The Three Cabs ride again is a wonderful story that reunites our birds of a feather for an adventure in mexico.. and one of it’s two best moments, the other one way further up from Don Rosa’s classic, seriously check it out it’s good, is when the boys, to distract their enemy for the story, play their classic song. Musical numbers.. are hard to pull off in comics. As Linkara, comic critic and one of my inspirations check him out on youtube he’s really fantastic, has mentioned quite a bit not having the sound to go with it is an uphill battle. But i’m not as against this as he is.. as long as you can convey the ENERGY of said song and perofrmance in the page. As long as you got that, you can pull it off and boy oh boy oh boy did Rosa ever. While it’s only about a page and a half long it’s just a fun, wonderful litlte sequence, from the crowd that has no reaction til lthe end when our big bad clubs them with the guitar, to our heroes swipining tablecoths to seve as serape to Donald falling outside, it’s one of the highlights of an alreayd impressive story.

5. Jam Session (Ducktales, The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!)

Only one Ducktales moment but it’s a keeper to be sure and now I HAVE seen Legend... I can say as I did there Jamie Camil REALLY shoudlv’e been kept as Panchito but “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice”.. really was still ag reat version of the characters and still kept them true. It wasn’t AS good as the Legend versions.. but honestly that’s fine. Not every version HAS to be good as the others and they were still wella cted, wonderfully animated and the story was great. And the moment that shows it off best is the boys quite moment after lunch, where they remincse, have fun, think about old times.. then hear a radio and slowly but surely have a fun dance number together, playing like old times. It’s this moment that makes me REALLY question why people hated this so much, as this one tiny moment captures the cabs chemistry and comrander in just two short minutes, Donald getting angry, Jose defusing int with a dance then him joining in, the three just jamming iwth whatever’s on hand and jose magically playing the fluit with his umbrella. I’ts all just so charming I love it. The end version of the three cabs IS really awesome, it just didn’t make the cut. Still liked it though.. but this.. this is better. Sometimes less is more you know?

4. The Three Cablleros Song (The Three Caballeros (Movie) ) Look you knew this was coming, I knew this was coming, we all knew this was coming. But the song is no less awesome, with fluid animation, wonderful vocals and lyrics, and an unberably catchy tune. It’s iconic to the characters, having popped up in four different renditions during this retrsopective, all of them pretty damn good, but no one tops the original. Even the two more dated bits, some latin baby and Panchito having a gun solo, somehow don’t hamper what’s otherwise an iconic moment. It’s fun, it’s fancy free, and it establishes the boys dynamic perfectly, one that as we’ve seen would last a few lifetimes and probably will last forever.

3. We Say So! (The Three Caballeros Ride Again) While Ride again is a VERY good story, it’s best moment is ironiclaly it’s end despite leaving you wanting more and more. After a fun adventure and a laugh over it being for nothing really, our friends return to Jose’s job at a night club, which his manager, who understandably has issues with Jose choosing wooing ladies over actually doing his job sometimes, only gives him back because it’s a big night but needs a big act. The first touching moment here is the fact the boys pitch in without being asked because hteir friend needs them. But the real moment is what happens after: The Triplets return from the hotel, still bemoaning as they did ealrier in the story that Donald has no friends and assume when they see him on stage and see him crash off it that he incited a riot.. only for his friends to assure him he’s a very fine fellow and they say so.. and in an instnat the boys realize donald DOES have friends.. and the best friends a duck can ask for. And after a lifetime of being spat on and barely winning.. Donald gets an unquestioned victory, stnading proudly with his friends for a packed house who still want more while his nephews look on proudly. I say so.. and what I say is that this moment is one of Rosa’s finest and one of the most touching thigns the man’s ever written.

2. This is Just Where I Came In (The Legend of the Three Caballeros) The Legend of the Three Cabs was excellent and it ended on one hell of a high. After a heck of a fight via callbacks that barely didnt’ make the list, our heroes rush in to stop Feldrake. their sorcerer nemisis, from reviving.. only for it to be too late. He’s back in full and soon warps reality around him leaving the boys hometown of the New Quackmore insitute as a series of rubble, buildings and people clinging desperatly to both floating in a hell of a starry backdrop, the only chance to stop this from happenign to the world resting in our heroes. And it’s so we catch up with where the seires began: our three heros decked out in truly awesome armor, though why Panchtio’s is roman I have no idea, fighting a giant and mosnterious felldrake and while his deisgn in that form is eh, his threat is palpable and the fight is goregous and pitch perfect.. and only gets better when we catch up, as Xandra swoops in to save htem from the cliffhanger the series started with. It only isn’t up top because of tow reasons; I like the first moment better.. and the boys do fall in a magic pool of amulet juice and emerge with powers due to a character we just meet when they do so. It’s a bit of a cop out.. but even with it being a cop out and a dues ex machina of the HIGHEST order.. it dosen’t stop it form being awesome when our heroes emerge merged with thier amulets energies, in their signutre colors and whoop felldrakes ass with a revivied Xandra’s help and then nearly reseal feldrake before his being resealed, but in Sheldgoose, resotres everything and our heroes get a WELL earned bout of praise from the town and a fancy mansion and in donald’s case a new job. A specatuclar, tense and gorgeous finale to a wonderful series.

1. Ride Em, Vaquero! (The Magificent 7 (Minus 4) Caballeros) Look I know it sounds like a bit of a downgrade to go from a battle for the fate of the world to our heroes fighting a spoiled prince and a giant anaconda just to make it out alive.. but frankly this battle is more tense, has all boys showing off even better, and has a climax so awesome even saving the unvierse with suddenly gained magic powers can’t top it. For the setting our heroes end up trapped in a lost city with the bad guy of the comic, Don Rosa’s second to last and his second of only two cabs stories, prepared to get away. But then Donald snaps, spurred on bya ll the shit he had to put up with back home,and TACKLES the fucking guy in his boat getting into one hell of a scrap. And if that wasn’t enough, what brings this to true glory is a giant Anaconda who shoed up earlier, popping up.. leading to Donald fighting our big bad.. WHILE BEING TANGLED UP IN A FUCKING PYTHON.

What truly clinches this as the best of the best for me though is Jose and Panchito’s actions, with Jose fighting the guy off off donlad, and actually having his umbrella WORK this time, and while the bad guy gets the raft from our heroes.. he falls off a cliff. So how do our heroes escape.. simple .. PANCHITO LASSOS THE FLEEING SNAKE AND THEY RIDE IT OUT AS SEEN ABOVE THROUGH A POND FULL OF DANGEROUS CREATURES WHO ALL STARE IN AWE AT THE SIGHT OR FLEE. You.. you just can’t top that. The awesomness, the teamwork, the sheer balls on panchito..i t’s all just so beauitful and sums up what the boys are about: Deft teamwork, camradire.. and doing utterly insane shit as only best friends can.

So with that.. this ride has come to an end. As I said before and will say again, it’s been fun, easily the biggest project i’ve done so far, and easily one of my faviorites. I love these guys and geninely hope we see them again real soon. So before I go, i’d like to say some thank yous. I”d like to thank ALL of the talented people involved in the making of the original film, as there are way too many to mention as it was a package movie but without you lovely and mostly deceased people we’d never have these wonderful guys. I’d like to thank Don Rosa for bringing the boys back and better than ever and beautifully so AND returning to them again. I’d like to thank Henry Gilroy and Phil Walsh, who wrote the first and second house of mouse cabs episodes for bringing the boys back to the screen, as well as series creators Robert Gainway and Tony Craig and the MASSIVE pile of storyboarders for both episode. I’d like to thank the people behind mickey and the roadster racers, while your episodes were not very good I am glad the boys got more screentime, i’d like thank Frank Angrones and Matt Youngberg for their wonderful versions of the boys and total respect to their legacy, and i’d REALLY like to thank Matt Danner for giving us a wonderful series and finally giving the boys a starring roll again.

I’d also like to thank the MANY voice actors who voiced these wonderful characters, your beautiful all of you. To Donald’s voice actors for this retrospective i’d like to thank Clarence Nash, you absolute legend may you rest in peace, Tony Anselmo, may you keep on living please god we’ve lost a lot of good people lately don’t be one of them, and even Daniel Ross, who might not be the best Donald but he’s one of only five and you can’t take that way from him.

For Jose i’d like to thank Jose Olivara, without you I don’t think we would’ve even gotten to the Cablleros as a group, Rob Paulsen, you tried your best and your still a winner in my heart, Eric Bauza, you genuinely were the best, and Bernardo Del Paula, who gave Bauza a run for his money and I hope returns in the role in the future.

And finally for Panchito we have Joaquin Grey, again wouldn’t of had the rest without you man nice job, Carlos Alarzqaui, did the job and did it well, Rob Paulsen, gave us one hell of a song, Jamie Camill, the best around no one’s ever going to keep him down, Arturo Del Purto who while I prefer jamie.. still was excellent and I wouldn’t be mad if he returned again.

And last but not least I’d like to sincerly thank @weirdkev27. These reviews have GENUINELY helped me finacially since i’ts hard for me to find a job since I cannot drive and have a disablity, and thanks to htem i’ve been able to live comfortably and thanks to you in general i’ve been able to do what I love and get paid for it. You got me to do this wonderful restrospective, have been a genine support to the blog and a treasure to work with. Thanks man, your the best. So with that, it’s time to ride off into the sunset. If the cabs get another apperance outside of ducktales, I will pick this up again... and wether it’s in a year or ten you bet your bottom peso they’ll be back. Who says so? I says so.

#the three caballeros #the three cablleros ride again #don rosa #jose carioca #donald duck #panchito romero miguel junipero francisco quintero gonzalez #panchito pistoles #ducktales #the legend of the three caballeros #house of mouse #xandra goddess of adventure #charon #wayne knight #baron von sheldgoose #lord feldrake #duck comics #disney ducks #disney #disney plus

41 notes · View notes

bensakindofmagic · 5 years ago

Text

21 questions

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you would like to get to know better.

i was tagged by @billytheskywalker so thank you so much darling

nicknames?

al, my sisters call me ché

real name?

alice

zodiac?

libra

favourite musician/group?

Queen, Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, The Cure, Lizzo, Lady Gaga, Celine Dion, SO MANNYYYYY

favourite sports team?

Harlequins rugby / England rugby (im a big rugby fan)

other blog?

@imfollowingawhiterabbit and @lowdenfordays (but that’s pretty dead now)

do i get asks?

every now and again, would love more (send me requests folks, i love them)

how many blogs do i follow?

261 (ie many)

tumblr crushes?

Courtney (@writingfortoomanyfandoms), Kate (@sweetheartben), Jenny (@fallingprincess), Vivi (@sonic-volcano — WHO I JUST REALISED I WASNT FOLLOWING WTF IM SO SORRY), Nick (@meddowsmoon), Steph (@radiob-l-a-hblah), i could go on for days

lucky number(s)?

don’t really have one, i guess 3?

what am i wearing right now?

dusky pink boiler suit and a white turtleneck with a black belt

dream vacation?

honestly i want to buy a cheap old banger of a car and drive around ireland for like a month and sleep in pubs and BnBs and see everything and fall in love with a beautiful irish man

dream car?

ummmmm, maybe an old triumph herald? in pale blue

favourite food?

BREAD. and italian. and thai

drink of choice?

good ol’ fashion builder’s tea. or g&t, depends on the situation

instruments?

ukelele (does that count?)

languages?

woefully, just english. but i’m going to learn italian

celebrity crushes?

obvs ben is my no. 1, but also chris evans, taron egerton, jack lowden (all the blonde boys)

random fact?

i have a dog called alfie and he is the greatest thing in my life

lord knows i ain’t tagging 21 people so if i called you a crush, consider yourself tagged

#tag game #get to know me

19 notes · View notes

ask-orange-diamond-and-pearl · 5 years ago

Text

Update

Hey all, sorry for the long silence. The holidays are always hectic for me, this year more than most. New additions to the family and old rejoining us makes for one heck of a vacation for all.

I just want to keep everyone updated and say that this blog and story ain’t dead.

I’ll be answering the Mod asks this weekend, and getting back to posting Orange and Pearl’s asks after the DiamondBomb has concluded, the date of which will be answered this weekend as well.

I thank you all for your continued support.

~ GE

#update #still alive #orange diamond #stars and diamonds #Mod #GreenEndai

12 notes · View notes

omoghouls · 5 years ago

Text

I was tagged by @professionalreblogs

Nickname(s): Bunny, Fawn, Lune

Real Name: Bunny😎 (yall ain't gonna get that info lol)

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Height: 5'7

Time: 5:08pm

Favorite Musicians: M-many but currently; Orville Peck, Ghost, Papa Roach, Twenty One Pilots, Colter Wall and The Dead South ((I'm in a country vibe rn))

Favorite Sports Team: Uuhhh the one that's,,,winning ((I only know about curling so, team Canada lol?))

Other blogs: @babeybunny ((my irl content both omo and omutsu)) @thingsarelookingoorey ((my very horny blog)) annd @nonverbalnomad ((My fandom blog for my fave rt show♡))

Do I get asks: Mhm! And I cherish them all♡♡♡

How many blogs do I follow: like 82

Tumblr crushes: 😎

Lucky numbers: 13,4 & 20

What am I wearing: Butterfly leggings, t-shirt and my old man shawl

Dream Vacation: Exploring abandoned buildings or Chernobyl☆

Dream Car: like a '92 Toyota?

Favorite food: Carrots ((idk they're just v good and I could eat like at least 3 in a sitting))

Drink of choice: Water for Orange juice♡ I'm boring but they're good and I loev it

Languages: Canadian French, English, leanring Norwegian and kinda ASL💖

Instruments : Ukulele and Guitar

Celebrity Crushes: I dont actually have any crushes on celebs?? But I mean Orville Peck is c,,cute

Random Fact: I cant tell time😂

I tag anyone who wants to do this!!!♡♡

#bunny rambles #x #tag game

6 notes · View notes

fahrenflame · 5 years ago

Text

Answer 21 questions then tag 21 people you’d like to know a little better. Tagged by @franken-fan, here we go then-

Nickname: G, Luigi, Fahren, *goat noises*, and most recently Keanu

Real name: Grace

Zodiac: Libra

Height: 5′6 or something

What time is it?: 18:42

Favorite musician: Alice Cooper, Ghost, Avenged Sevenfold, MCR, and lately a lot of Avatar

Favorite sports team: What is sports

Other blogs: Don’t really have any- had one set up as a place to rant about the stupidity of the “community” at my college but I don’t got there now so it’s kinda dead

Do I get asks?: On very random occasions, or when I open requests

How many blogs do I follow?: 151

Any tumblr crushes?: Nah

Lucky number: 11

What am I wearing right now?: Alice Cooper shirt from the paranormal tour and some black jeans.

Dream vacation: Take me to all the Disney parks PLEASE

Dream car: Ok kinda embarrassed to admit but I don’t actually have a license so I don’t really know. Mustangs are rad but their mileage ain’t tbh. And I live in LA man, that’s kinda important

Favorite food: Whatever is on my plate

Drink of choice: London Fog if it’s cold (so...not often��) if not then I’m also a total sucker for a Thai tea boba

Languages: English, Spanish (rusty), and my grandma keeps trying to teach me French but it ain’t really sticking

Instruments: Bass (electric), Ukulele (sorta?), and I kinda wanna try violin

Celebrity crushes: Nah

Random fact: I named my cat Chewbacca cuz when we got him he blended into the carpet and looked like a walking carpet

Tagging: I do not know 21 people so... @copias-caboose, @leos-pineapple , @xivdoctorivx , @jilltheamazing , @leviathan-says-hi , and @progeniesofthejamapocalypse. Fill it out if ya wanna. Or not. Do what ya want.

#personal #tag thingy

6 notes · View notes

cry-away-the-monsters · 5 years ago

Text

GET TO KNOW ME

01. NICKNAME : Cat, Dakota, Starlight (only from my partner tho)

02. REAL NAME : (I ain’t deadnaming myself lol)

03. ZODIAC : Leo

04. HEIGHT : 4′10″

05. WHAT TIME IS IT ? : 11:25 PM

06. FAVOURITE MUSICIANS / GROUPS : DAGames, Dhuesta, JTMusic....I’m all over the place honestly.

07. FAVOURITE SPORTS TEAM : N/A

08. OTHER BLOGS : @kitty-chan-art-den (main art blog), @kitty-chan-sin-bin (nsfw art blog, but it’s kinda dead now), @silently-begging (Sally Face roleplay blog), @sweetheart-survivors (DBD ask/roleplay blog), @kitty-chan17985 (main), the rest are pretty dead

09. DO I GET ASKS ? : not all that often anymore, but it’s chill

10. HOW MANY BLOGS DO I FOLLOW ? : 4,671

11. ANY TUMBLR CRUSHES : @uvpartybomb-stuff (my amazing partner, ilu you perfect bean 💙💙💙💙💙 )

12. LUCKY NUMBER : 5

13. WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW : Hamilton tee shirt and purple pants

14. DREAM VACATION : UK (so I can see my partner), though I’d like to go to Canada since it’s not fucked six ways from Texas

15. DREAM CAR : Volkswagen Beetle

16. FAVOURITE FOOD : Cheeseburger macaroni, bow tie pasta, my dad’s pizza

17. DRINK OF CHOICE : Cherry Coke

18. LANGUAGES : English, a little bit of Spanish but I’m rusty

19. INSTRUMENTS : I used to play the clarinet, but I haven’t played it in about three, almost four years now

20. CELEBRITY CRUSHES : N/A

21. RANDOM FACT : I’m demisexual/ace, still confused as fuck about which one though

Tagged by: @immortalspringtrap (unofficially but close enough)

Tagging: Anybody that wants to do this!

#Save them...help them...you can’t. 🤲 || OOC

1 note · View note

galadrieljones · 6 years ago

Text

A Funeral: Chapter 21 (Arthur Morgan x Mary Beth Gaskill)

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption 2 | Pairing: Arthur x Mary Beth | Rating: Mature

Content: Existential Angst, Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nature, Touch-Starved, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fake Marriage, Epiphanies, Backstory, Banter, Deep Emotions, Sharing a Bed, Swimming, Arthur to the Rescue, Forests, Abduction, Angst, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Sexual Content, Sexual Themes, Adult Content, Canon Divergence, Found Families, Brotherhood, Fatherhood, pregnancy, Recreational Drug Use, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol, Protective Arthur, BAMF Arthur, Shady Belle Chapter

Summary: To help her process Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip. He agrees, and on their journey to the north, they find quietude and take comfort in their easy bond. They’ve been friends for a while now, but life, like the wilderness, is full of uncertainty and complications, and in their desperate search for meaning together, they endure a number of trials, some small, some big. All of this brings them closer to one another, as well as to their future—a complex mixture of romantic dreams and a practical escape from the outlaw life. To achieve this, they must effectively change the course of the stories written into their stars, and work together to make hope, rather than fear, their reality.

Credit to @bearly-tolerable for the banner!! Art is my own.

***For the rest of this story, you can visit the masterpost or AO3, both linked in the replies to this post and also at my blog.***

Chapter 21: The Gilded Cage, Pt. 1

The next day, Arthur and Mary Beth went into St. Denis in a coach driven by Charles with John riding shotgun. The idea was for them to be seen at the saloon the night before the party, to try and calcify the illusion, give it layers, create witnesses. If the town was as beholden to Angelo Bronté as the gang had been led to believe, then surely this would be no exception. Arthur was wary, but he was playing along, too, mostly at Hosea’s reassurance. When Arthur told him about Dutch’s one-month request, Hosea had sighed and thought on it for a while. He said he was torn. He became quietly emotional at the prospect of being able to attend the wedding, but he was concerned. He was concerned about Mary Beth, and whether she was going to get pregnant. He said Shady Belle was no place for a baby or a pregnant woman. He said the stakes are high for pregnant women. If something goes wrong, there’s little any ordinary person can do. They need a doctor. He became so worried, in fact, as Arthur was talking to him on the porch of Shady Belle, that he smoked profusely, coughing between each drag, and Arthur began to wonder if something bad had happened to Hosea, before Arthur even knew him. If, like Arthur, he’d lost somebody, somebody small.

“Well, we know a doctor,” said Arthur, lighting his own cigarette.

“You do?” said Hosea.

Arthur nodded. “We met one in Emerald Station. He and his wife own a bed and breakfast up there. They took us in a couple times while we was gone.”

“What does he know about delivering babies?”

“His pa used to deliver babies for slaves escaping up to Canada,” he said. “In Wisconsin, during the Civil War. But Hosea, Mary Beth ain’t pregnant—not yet, as far as we know.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he said, adjusting his collar, flicking his cigarette. “It’s on the table. You need to plan for these things, Arthur.”

“I know.” Arthur took his hat off, ran a hand through his hair. It was hot that day. He thought about Deer Cottage, how it had meant something. He tried to assuage Hosea with an agreeable tone. “I know.”

That night, at the saloon in St. Denis, the plan was for Arthur to play a little cards with Mary Beth acting as his intelligent Girl Friday, making just enough noise to be seen, but nothing too flashy. Charles and John stayed near, stoic and dressed as security features. Charles was to sharpen his knife and look intimidating while John was to do nothing but smoke and speak only when spoken to, keeping an eye on Arthur and Mary Beth from the bar. Arthur dressed as he normally would that night, but Mary Beth was outfitted at the tailor, and with a small bounty provided by Dutch himself, purchased two dresses: one of more casual frills in a lavender pink for the night at the saloon, and then a ballgown for the party—far more elegant—dusty blue in color with lace sleeves and a collar, and a fabulous, feathered hat to match. She was delighted by the opportunity to wear such pretty things, but she told Arthur as they entered the saloon that night that she also felt a fraud and sort of like a bird on stilts.

“Everybody’s looking,” she said when they crossed the floor to the bar. The room was lively, filled with smoke and piano, and it was mostly men, but there were women here and there, and it was unclear how many of them were just there to mingle, and how many were actually saloon girls. They were not all paired with men.

“Just pretend they’re looking at me,” said Arthur, nodding at a few of the men at the poker tables. “That should help.”

“Well, the women are looking at you,” said Mary Beth. “Looking like they might devour you whole.”

“I highly doubt that, Miss Gaskill.”

“Shh,” she said, smiling, pulling him down so she could whisper in his ear, using a full-on fake Texas twang. “It’s Mrs. Kilgore, Tacitus.”

Arthur laughed. He looked around. People were staring. Mary Beth looked pretty, and she stood out, even in this crowd. That, he could not deny. “You know, I, too, am starting to feel like a bird on stilts,” he said. “Let’s talk to the bartender here for a minute, and then we’ll find ourselves a seat.”

“Sounds good.”

After a touch of small talk, Arthur ordered a bottle of chilled rosé with two flutes as well as a hefty glass of Kentucky Bourbon for himself. They cozied into a booth at the front of the saloon, and Arthur poured the rosé, and they touched glasses. “To Sean,” said Mary Beth. It had become a tradition between them. Despite his big-mouthed hubris in life, it was the sadness of his passing that had brought Arthur and Mary Beth together. They had not forgotten the funeral to the north.

“When are you gonna hit the tables?” said Mary Beth. “You gonna cheat the cards or play fair?”

Arthur gave her a look. “I ain’t gonna cheat cards with you here, Mary Beth.”

“Why not?”

“Because it ain’t gentlemanly to cheat cards in front of a lady.”

She smiled.

They sat and drank and talked for a while. Mary Beth had an idea for a story of which an old veteran, not unlike Hamish Sinclair, was the star. Arthur liked listening to her talk about her creative brain and all of its weird inner workings and ideas. He was no storyteller but he felt a natural inclination toward language and always had. He was a tough cookie and over many years had grown accustomed to the idea that his inner life was worthy only of hiding. But two weeks of loving Mary Beth made him a little more sure of himself in that his depths were meaningful. He was not weaker for them, or at least they did not change who he was. It was freeing and made him periodically dizzy while participating in their conversations. She expected him to be smart, and she expected him to think deeply. This was the difference between Mary Beth and so many of the other people in his life—including certain of the women who had once claimed to love him. Mostly this meant Mary, but she was so far out of his heart by now, he could hardly remember their troubled times as well as their times of bliss.

Arthur didn’t tell Mary Beth about Hosea and his state of mind from earlier that day at Shady Belle. He didn’t want to pressure or worry her. Also, his tendency was not to go counting on things that were still ideas and preferred concrete proof before he made his plans and decisions. He would not make any decisions about Mary Beth getting pregnant until Mary Beth was pregnant. Until then, they were just moving along. Until then, it was just them two, and he felt safe with that because he knew he could talk to her about anything.

After some time, Arthur was getting ready to go see about the poker game across the room. But a group of young men had entered the bar a little while before, well-dressed, sort of loud, and now one of them was approaching he and Mary Beth at their booth. He was wearing a derby hat and an annoying tweed jacket, and he was looking like a schmuck on vacation from classes at the university. He was also drunk, and slack-jawed, the front of his pale ascot soiled with what appeared to be whiskey or beer. The moment he sat down across from them, Arthur raised his eyebrows and picked up his glass and looked at Mary Beth. She was looking at him, too, in confusion.

“You know this guy?” she whispered.

“No,” said Arthur. "Do you?"

“No. Do you think he’s lost?”

Arthur sighed, set down his glass, and looked at the college boy. Then, he knocked on the table, loudly, three times. “Hey,” he said. Then he snapped his fingers in the young man’s face. “Hey.”

He grunted.

Arthur continued. “May we help you with something, boy? Because if not, I kindly suggest you move on.”

“How much?” he said finally. He was speaking to Mary Beth and ignoring Arthur, which was unexpected. It seemed dangerous, but Arthur did not interject at first. The young man was sort of swaying from side to side. He had hollow, glazed eyes.

“Excuse me?” said Mary Beth.

“How much is he paying you?” said the young man.

“Paying me?”

“I’ll triple it.” He reached into his pocket, started counting through the bills in his leather wallet. “You’re the prettiest dove I ever seen.”

Mary Beth got pissed off, once she realized what he was talking about. “I ain’t no dove,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “And even if I was, I’d be discerning. I wouldn’t touch the likes of you. Drunken college boys don’t really blow the wind up my skirts if you know what I mean.”

The young man got rowdy then. He smacked his hand down on the table. “How much,” he said, louder this time.

That started something.

Arthur reached across the table, with alarming speed. He garroted the young man with one hand, holding him to the booth. The young man made a loud, guttural noise, and his eyes got big as melons. “What the—”

Arthur studied him, raising his chin a little. Then he lowered his voice, collected, and spoke. “You wanna raise your voice to a woman?” he said, filled with meanness.

The young man, his eyes bugging, shook his head, though there was little room for movement. "No—" he managed.

“Good,” said Arthur, real smooth. “That’s good. Because if you do, know you'll pave your own path to eternal damnation, boy. But I promise, if you raise your voice to mine again, then I will pave that path for you. Understand?”

The young man nodded again. Arthur held him there for a moment longer, to make it really count. Then he let him go and casually straightened and dusted off his ascot as if nothing had happened. The young man gaped, confused, looked at Arthur and apologized.

“Don’t apologize to me,” said Arthur, sipping his whiskey. “Apologize to the lady.”

The young man gulped, capitulated. “Sorry, ma’am,” he said. “I didn’t mean nothing by it.”

“You’re forgiven,” said Mary Beth.

Then he rushed out of the booth, and quickly out of the saloon. Standing by were John and Charles, with keen eyes. Arthur put them at ease with a single two-finger salute. It then took him a minute to compose himself. He took another drink of his whiskey and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Mary Beth, after a long, deep breath. “I just don’t appreciate men with bad manners. Makes my damn blood boil.”

“It’s okay,” said Mary Beth. She was holding his hand under the table now. “He deserved it, and thank you, by the way. I mean, I know you never would’ve actually killed him.”

Arthur laughed to himself. He reached for the bottle of rosé to top off Mary Beth’s glass. “Probably not,” he said.

After that, the night went quickly. Arthur won four hands of poker with Mary Beth standing by his side, lighting his cigars and fanning herself demurely with a Japanese-style fan she brought herself. John had secured them a couple rooms upstairs and before they tripped off to bed, Mary Beth went to the bar to buy a bath.

“It’s been a long time since I bathed in anything but a river,” she said to Arthur as they went upstairs. He was chewing a toothpick. “You wanna come?”

Arthur smiled. In truth, he preferred Mary Beth bathing in the river. He would have her any way, but straight from nature—that was what he liked best. When her curls got long and straight and wet and they went all the way down her back, and the world smelled clean and big and cold and free. He longed to return. The swamps had begun to stifle him once more and the city was but another trap in elaborate disguise. He removed the toothpick from his mouth and placed it behind his ear. Even still, he would have her any way. “Yes, ma’am,” he said.

The bathwater was hot and that was one thing that you forget. The water is warm, and the soap is slippery. Mary Beth scrubbed the soap into Arthur’s hair and molded it so that it was shaped like a spike. Then she rinsed it, and it fell flat to his face and made him smile. He scrubbed her hair, too, and it felt good on her scalp. Once they were clean and the water was still warm but beginning to cool, Mary Beth sat facing him, holding his hand and tracing the hard parts and the creases with her fingers. Once in Kansas City she had met a woman at a saloon who knew palmistry. For fifteen cents, she read Mary Beth’s palm and for another fifteen cents, she taught Mary Beth some of the meanings of the lines and the shapes of the hand. Arthur’s hands were big and square—of the earth, if she wasn’t mistaken, reliable and practical in the way they manipulated the world. His heart line was deep and solid, suggesting that he cared intensely for the people in his life, but there were breaks here and there. It wasn’t easy, she thought. There had been a lot of adjustment and a lot of pain. His lifeline was short and very deep. He traveled alone. He had seen and experienced many things, but almost always in a state of independence and solitude. Sometimes, she thought, he seemed to prefer it that way. But not always.

This was all she could could remember. She said nothing of it, closed his fingers into a fist and let his hand drop back into the soapy water. He was very relaxed, leaning back with his head on the rim of the tub, eyes closed. In this moment, she felt as if she were looking in on some private moment of Arthur's. Their love was new, and while they had fallen hard into a regular pattern of intimacy, she knew that a part of him would always be separate from her. Not in a bad way, just in a real way. She could not share his body, or his mind. That was just a complex strangeness of loving someone this much. No matter how much she wanted to climb inside of him and live there, she could not. She sighed. Her sigh must have sounded like something—something loaded. He opened his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he said, scrubbing one of his hands into her hair.

She shrugged. “I miss the river,” she said.

This made him laugh. He looked at her, real hard. “Me, too,” he said. Then he sat up, disturbing the water. Some of it splashed out of the tub and onto the floor. He became serious. “You sure you wanna do this?” he said. "The party?"

She got wistful. She was flushed in her cheeks and on her chest. She could feel it. She had fair skin that could get a little splotchy with the heat. “Yes,” she said, smiling big, real positive, just like she was wont to do.

Meanwhile, John and Charles stayed down at the bar a little while longer. Once the poker game ended, the tables began to clear out, and the bartender dimmed the lights, and the overall mood of the place changed. It was no longer lively and awake and instead became blue and filled with mystery. The boys each ordered a big glass of bourbon like a nightcap and sat across from one another at a booth in the corner, listening to the smoky sounds of the piano. They sat in comfortable silence for most of ten minutes, drinking and watching the people go in and out of the saloon double doors. Then, at some point, Charles cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I haven’t been here that long,” he said, turning the heavy glass slowly between his hands.

"And?" said John.

"And," said Charles. “I still think I know Arthur.”

“He’s an open book when he wants to be,” said John, watching the bartender. He was drying a glass with a long, linen towel.

“I get that,” said Charles. “But I just—I get the sense that he hasn’t been happy for a long time. I've been meaning to talk to him about it, but it's been a lot going on, for everyone.”

John nodded. He took a long drink and looked down at the scars in his knuckles. “He’s had some fucked up shit happen to him,” he said. “I mean, we all have, but losing a kid? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to Jack.”

“Arthur had a kid?” said Charles.

“Yeah,” said John. “He died, maybe nine years ago? Murdered. Him and his mama. He should be thirteen now, on his way to becoming a man. Instead—” John trailed off. He shook his head.

“Jesus,” said Charles.

“I know,” said John, taking a drink. “But Arthur. He just wears it, you know? He don’t complain. I don’t know how he found the will to get past it, but he did.”

Charles finished his glass in one long swallow. He set it down, his eyes watery. “I’m happy for him,” he said. "And her."

“Me, too,” said John.

“He’s like a brother to you, right?” said Charles.

John nodded again, taking a drink. “I guess so.”

Charles sighed. He took out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one, and then he said the pack and the matchbook on the table and slid it across the John. John took one, lit it, and they smoked. Somewhere in the room, a drunkard was yelling at a woman. The bartender slapped him across the face and a large man in a black vest came and threw him out.

“I had a girl once,” said Charles after a little while. He had smoked the cigarette down in almost no time flat. He put it out in the ash tray on the table.

“What was her name?” said John.

“May,” said Charles.

“That’s a nice name.”

“Yeah,” said Charles. “She was a nice girl. An artist. She used to mold flowers and animals out of clay. We met in Boulder, maybe a year before I met Dutch.”

“What happened?” said John.

“A fever,” said Charles. That was all he said. He then removed one more cigarette from the pack and set it on the table.

John just stared at him. It was so sad. “I’m real sorry, Charles,” he said. “That’s no good.”

“You’re lucky,” said Charles. He took out his knife.

“What do you mean?”

“Abigail,” he said. He split the cigarette open with the tip of the knife. He flattened it and removed some of the tobacco, sprinkling it to the floor. “Don’t blow that, man.” He then took a little bag of dried marijuana plant out his front pocket. He broke apart one of the buds and put the plant inside the guts of the cigarette with the tobacco. Then, he closed up the cigarette and sealed it with his tongue. “You want one?”

John finished his whiskey. He set down his glass, and he slid it to the wall. “Sure,” he said. Then he stared at the cigarette.

John hadn’t smoked marijuana since he and Arthur had scored a bagful off a belligerent bull rider in Kansas City, five years before. In fact, it had been the same year Dutch had brought home Mary Beth and the year that Abigail would get pregnant. It was also the year before John would leave the gang. When he left, he went to Salt Lake City and joined a pack of moonshiners for a couple months. When that didn’t pan out, he stole a wagon off them, bought a shack in the hills near Logan and drank himself to a right stupor. He felt bad about everything. He felt bad about Abigail, about the baby, about Arthur. He couldn’t shake it, so he drank. At some point, he decided he had to go back, but it was too late, and Dutch and the boys were long gone. He spent the next five months searching for them. It was harder than he’d realized. He never told no one that was how long it took. He found them, eventually, in Arizona, when word hit that a couple of blots-on-the-town had robbed a bank in Flagstaff. The pictures on the wall in the Sheriff’s Station were of Arthur, Bill, and Karen. A goddam fuckin trio if he ever saw one. He almost cried, he was so relieved. He tracked them to the heels of Oklahoma not two weeks past. When he showed up to camp, it was the middle of the night, but Arthur being Arthur, was out chopping wood all by himself. When he saw John, he came right over, but he would not speak. He beat the living shit out of him instead. John had no recourse. He tried to fight back at first, but after a while it was clear that Arthur was his superior in strength and also in pure, unmitigated rage. John came out of it with a fucked up face and his arm in a sling. They didn’t speak at all for weeks.

He got high with Charles and then together, the two of them went for a walk along the city streets, looking at all the painted doves there and how they posed, trapped tightly in their gilded cage of St. Denis.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 fanfic #mary beth gaskill #mary-beth gaskill #arthur x mary beth #arthur morgan x mary beth gaskill #hosea matthews #charles smith #john marston #a funeral

14 notes · View notes

killian-whump · 6 years ago

Text

OUAT 3x01: Rewatch Blog

Welcome aboard, mateys! It's time to start rewatching Season 3! As usual, I'm a bit behind everyone else on this rewatch, but I've decided it's more fun for me to move at my own pace, so I probably won't be catching up anytime soon ;)

That said... Let's get started on Once Upon a Time Season 3!!!

Whoa. Wait a minute. Eleven Years Ago?! I really AM behind... ;)

Seriously, though. Do they really have to handcuff her ankle to the bed? Do they have a problem with women in labor jumping up and escaping prison right at that precise moment in their lives?

That's sad, though :(

Ooooh... I love the deadly stillness after the ship "lands" in Neverland. It's so... eeeeeeeerie.

Ahhh, and the ominous look on Killian's face.

You can just FEEL the tension in the air.

"Aye. Neverland."

AHHHHHHHH TENSION AND ANGST

Kinda lame title card, haha.

Aw, great. It's this guy. NOBODY MISSED YOU GREG. YOU CAN GO BACK TO WHEREVER YOU WENT DURING THE HIATUS NOW.

SHIT. HE BROUGHT TAMARA, TOO.

I really hate these two, guys. Like, really.

Oh, come on. Don't shove a fucking kid, you asshat. Fucking GREG. You're an insult to your name, and I don't even like your name.

Oooooh, spooky noises. I love the atmosphere they built for this realm.

"Who we work for is not your concern, kid." Well, according to YOU as of about 20 minutes ago in show time, it's not YOUR concern either, dipshit.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THERE'S SAND IN YOUR BATTERY COMPARTMENT, YOU FUCKING MORON. WHO PUT SAND IN YOUR BATTERY COMPARTMENT, HUH? YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

Shut up, shut up. I know it was Peter Pan. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT.

"It's a good thing you guys don't ask any questions." Hahahaha, bested by an 11-year-old and sand.

...and there he goes, shoving the damn kid again. You're just a colossal jerk, aren't you, Greg?

At least Tamara has the sense to look mildly concerned right here.

"Oh, I know, my hot-headed queen."

I JUST DIED. Forward my mail to my gravesite.

I totally forgot that line ever happened. I love rewatching this show.

"I hope not, or we've wasted our lives." AAAAAAANGST

"Your lives... well... THEY'VE SUCKED" hahaha, Why don’t you tell them what you really think, Emma XD

"We found you." Awww... "And lost Henry! And Neal!" Well, to be fair, it's not like you can expect them to give two shits about Neal. They met him, like, last week. And he's kinda a dick. And his Dad's, like, evil incarnate. But okay.

"Oh, that's a great use of our time: A wardrobe change." One of the best lines ever, really.

I mean, did Rumple really need to do the dramatic cane-spinning exit, though? It makes for good TV, so it's cool and all, but imagine it in real life. Like, just a boat full of people staring at where he once stood, thinking, "JFC That was unnecessarily dramatic."

OH, YEAH, LET'S LIGHT A FUCKING FIRE, GREG. THAT'S A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, GREG. Fucking loser.

Yes, I do plan on doing this until he dies. You have your hobbies; I have mine.

"You making S'Mores?"

HAAAAAAHHAHAHAHA OMG LOOK AT HIS FACE:

Fucking goon. Haha. I named that screencap "assface" when I saved it, because I feel it's fitting for both the character AND the face he's making.

"What if the empty communicator wasn't an accident?"

You mean the one someone OBVIOUSLY filled with sand instead of batteries ON PURPOSE??? Noooooooooooo.

"Don't let the kid get in your head." He's not even TRYING, Greg. He's just hungry and wants some fucking S'Mores. I want some S'Mores, too. We all want fucking S'Mores. S'Mores are delicious, FuckingGreg.

OH LOOK, IT'S FELIX.

AND ALL THE REST OF THE LOST BOYS ONES BOYS. I think we’re calling them “Boys” now. Must have gotten the rights.

Kill him, Felix. Somebody. Anybody. I'll even settle for the annoying Lost Boy with the face that annoys me, although I don't think he's in this season, but he's welcome to join it IF HE KILLS GREG.

"Then you're not getting the boy." Oh, Greg. It is entirely too late for you to do anything remotely likable now. Like, I literally want to throw Henry at them now just to spite you.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS RIP THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S SOUL OUT OF HIS BODY. TAKE HIS SPINE, TOO. THE ENTIRE SKELETAL SYSTEM. MAYBE A DISEMBOWELING'S CALLED FOR HERE?

Or, you know, you can just leave his husk there by the fire to rot away. That's good, too. I'm not picky.

GREG IS DEAD, EVERYBODY.

Tamara and Henry are running! Oh no! Will they make it? Will they-

This is a great scene, everybody. Thank you so much. This is the best thing to ever happen to me and the season only started 10 minutes ago.

Hahaha, they even show us a close-up of Tamara lying motionless on the ground, and then Greg. Like they KNOW we've all been waiting for their demise and they wanted to give us screenshots for our scrapbooks.

Anyway, thanks Felix! That was pretty cool. Much obliged.

Hey, look. An enterprising young chap has helped Henry up. There's no way he could be a bad guy.

I have to say, of all the "twists" in Once, this was one of the worst ones in terms of how OBVIOUS it was.

To some extent, it's the casting department's fault, because Robbie Kay is just TOO fucking perfect for Peter Pan. Like, he just EXUDES Peter Pan and he's not fooling anybody.

Heeheehee CS flirting <3

"What do you want?" All due respect, but it's HIS fucking ship? Like, he doesn't really need a reason to be below deck on his own ship?

"I didn't realize you were sentimental." "I'm not."

I love it when he spits the cork out, but how many corks does this man go through?!

Oh, look. Speak of the devil - It's Neal.

"Tell Emma I'm alive. And I love her."

Well, that's a GREAT message to pass on through your kiiiiiid. Won't get his hopes up or anything.

ANYWAY.

"Long enough to know I miss him, too." T_T

UH OH. TROUBLE'S AFOOT!!!

Oh, Dave and Snow are at the helm. That explains it. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, SNOWING. Gosh.

Pun intended. I'm so sorry.

Regina: "What the hell are you two doing?!" Ahahahahaha :D

"Prepare for attack!" "Be more specific!" I love all these interactions. This is like the WORST family vacation EVER and I love every second of it.

"What's out there? A shark? A whale?" "A kraken?"

YOU FUCKING WISH.

Actually, no, Dave probably doesn't wish... but Kraken-san does! :D

Emma's response is classic. "Mermaids?!" Like what the fuck else does she have to put up with in this crazy sham of a life NOOOOW?

Dave's kinda hot manning that cannon, I gotta say. He's showing off some guns firing off that gun, if you know what I mean.

But really, what did they plan to DO with one mermaid, anyway? Especially after Regina chased them all off with her fireballs?

Oh, look. Henry and Totally-Not-Peter-Pan are on the run!

I'm super fooled by him talking himself up in third person, though XD

"If Pan wants you... he WILL get you."

"Pan will rip their shadows into oblivion."

"Pan loves nachos with spicy cheese."

"Pan is the awesomest guy on this island."

Aw, man. This scene is a snoozefest :/

Literally. They're all just watching Aurora sleep XD

Wait. HOW is Neal feeling better? He got shot, like, 10 minutes ago in show time and he's had no REAL medical care, aside from whatever they bandaged him with, since none of these folks here have magic.

HOW IS HE FEELING BETTER?!

I gotta be honest, though. Rumple is hot as SHIT in this season. I ain't gonna pretend otherwise. This leather clad badass thing WORKS for him.

Oh, look. Tamara's still alive.

"C-Can you forgive me?"

I'm gonna guess that is a HARD ASS NO, bitch.

Haha, love the way he flicks the dust off his fingers.

"GET THAT THING OFF MY SHIP!"

I love how panicked he is by the mermaid XD It gives my entire life meaning :D

I wish we had more information in canon about Hook's time in Neverland. We can tell this is FAR from his first skirmish with mermaids, but how/when/why/what happened? I NEED TO KNOW! Especially if it involved wounds or peril or other things relevant to my interests...

Touching Mulan and Neal chat.

More running in the woods with Not!Pan.

"Well, I'm all out of fish food." Love you, Regina <3

"Fillet the bitch." Seriously, love you so much bae <3

Snow's face, tho XD

This is 110% why I watch this show. SHENANIGANS.

...and a pirate. Don't forget the pirate.

"I've outrun many a storm!" We know you have, babe. We know. You keep telling us...

SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL TIME!!!

PERIL ON THE HIGH SEAS!!!

CERTAIN BLETH DEATH!!!

SUPER DRAMATIC MUSIC!!!

...as we cut to a peaceful, though somewhat dilapidated, castle in the Enchanted Forest. Birds are singing, dawn is breaking, the world is alight with hope and possibili-

JUST KIDDING. GET BACK TO THE FUCKING DRAMA STORM, SHOW.

I hate it when they do this.

Hey, Sean. Nice intro.

"You don't want to see ID?" Neal... ISTFG.

Disappearing arrow, heehee. SHENANIGANS.

I love how interested Robin is in what's inside the vault XD Always a thief, eh?

"This isn't a storm. It's bloody damnation!" Love that line <3

"Let the slags go!" Haha "Don't call my wife a slag!" Haha!

BOY FIGHT!! BOY FIGHT!!!

They're all wet, too! Slow down, cameraman! I wanna see ALL of this!!!

Oooh, almost gutted with his own hook. Haaaaarsh.

Emma, no one's listening to you. Emma, no one's... They're not... They're not even looking or paying any attention at all... They won't even- Oh. Okay. Somehow everyone saw you jump, despite literally being in a fight for their respective lives. Neat.

...aaaaaaand cue the convenient rigging falling loose and hitting her in the head.

SHENANIGAAAAAAAAANS

Oh, look! They're flying!!!

This would be super touching if it wasn't, you know, exactly what Pan wants XD

Haha, Emma looks so ethereal floating there, unconscious, in the waters of Neverland, facing certain death.

Awww! A big group effort rescue!!! Good job, team!

"Told you." Right, but no one was listening...? So how do they even know what she's talking about? Well, I guess maybe they WERE listening...?

Shenanigans? idek anymore...

SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww... Bobby's acting is so great right here. This is awesome. Very moving. The part after the shenanigans, I mean. Although they’re great, too.

Felix, you're kinda a dick, though. That’s kinda a compliment, tho?

I love it when magic flops :D Dramatic music aaaaaand... nothing.

"Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time, when you're not yelling at me."

You like her even more when she's yelling at you, son. IT IS KNOWN.

His offended face when Charming says, "With him?" XD DAVE, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS ABOUT ME. DAVE, I THOUGHT WE WERE PALS. DAVE. DAAAAVE.

Hahaha, his adorable shrug to Regina. SHENANIGANS <3

"You couldn't be more right, Henry."

I'm so glad they didn't try to drag out the reveal of Pan to another episode, because he seriously wasn't fooling aaaaaanybody.

Except for Henry. Oops?

It's so great how ominous they're being at the end of this episode, advancing on Henry like that...

Although Pan's "let's play!" is a lot less frightening when you know he literally means "let's dance around a fire and create a rhythmic ruckus" but hey. It still works for the ending of this episode, which is now... OVER!!

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!! PEW PEW PEW!!!

#ouat rewatch #watching fairytales #3x01 #oc #kw reviews #not whxmp

15 notes · View notes

howtohero · 6 years ago

Text

A Field Guide for Communicating With Werewolves and Vampires

The world is a weird place. Gosh, how many blog posts have I started like that? Weird. Anyway, blah blah chocolate milk hurricanes. Blah blah blah talking neck warts. In your travels as a superhero you’ll get to talk to a lot of para-folk. You’ll have tea with the Troll king of Salt-Lake City and you’ll play shuffleboard with the Octomen of Madrid. Some of these para-folk will be relatively easy to communicate with, but some others might be a bit trickier. To make life easier for you, we’ve reached out to some friends of the guide to assemble this guide of handy phrases that you might need translated when talking to werewolves and vampires. It should be noted that since most werewolves and vampires were at one point human, they can understand human languages just fine, so this guide is just for you to use to understand what they’re saying back to you. So, without further ado:

Common Werewolf Phrases, Sayings, Practices and What They Mean (with input from professional werewolf: Wolfgang Amawolfus Wolfzart)

Awoooooo: “Ain’t the moon looking mighty fine tonight pardner?”

Awooo: “Gee golly wouldn’t I like to eat a chocolate chip cookie right about now.”

Awooooooooo: “Hey have you seen this here tree! This is the best tree I ever did see!”

Panting while drooling: They’re going to eat you. Play dead. They hate having to work for their meal.

Panting without drooling: They’re psyching themselves up for a werewolf dance off. Play dead. They’re going to need a pre-dance off protein snack.

Howl: “Howdy.” (More like howldy.)

Hooowl: “Do you want to buy a chair? I bought this chair, it’s a really good chair. It’s got a cushion. It’s got arm rests. And it’s only lightly chewed on to boot. See, I bought this chair for myself as a bit of a gift. I’d been having a good day, taking care of all my responsibilities. And I thought, hey, I deserve a chair today. So I bought this really nice chair. But then I got bitten by a werewolf. So I guess you can say my day took a turn. It was a bit of a hairy situation wasn’t it. Heh. So anyway, now that I’m a werewolf I rarely have any cause for sitting. Always on the hunt you know. Eating deer or whatever. But I’ve got this really really nice chair just kind of gathering dust in my house now. So anyway, are you in the market for a chair? It’s a really good one. You seem like you sit. So what d’you say friend? Do you want to buy a chair?”

Hoooooowl: “Hoooooowdy.”

Taking off their shirt: This means that they have seen you and think that you have a better shirt than they do and they want you to give it to them.

Hijacking a spacecraft: They want to go to the moon. Good luck stopping them. (To stop them please take a look at our post on fighting human/animal hybrids.)

Snarling: It’s difficult to give an exact translation but this means they’re bemoaning the current state of their home country’s political system.

Baring their teeth while growling: They want some scratches behind the ear. Or, that they want to go for a dip in the hot tub and they recommend that you vacate the area because their wet hot fur is going to be smelllllly.

Woof!: “Aw lookit me I’m just a big ol’ puppy I promise I won’t eat you.”

Ruh roh: It’s exactly what you think it is. They’re just making a cute reference.

Loud yodeling: This is a werewolf mating call. Don’t go out wearing a fur coat.

Common Vampire Phrases, Sayings, Practices and What They Mean (with input from Draculok, the first vampire)

I vant to suck your blood: This is a very friendly greeting. You have nothing to fear. They’re inviting you in for a hug.

Bleh!: Your breath smells like garlic and this upsets them.

Bleh bleh!: They wish they could look at themselves in mirrors. They just know there’s some flesh caught in their fangs but they just can’t tell where it is!

Bleh bleh bleh: “Dorris you are being just absolutely batty tonight. Ah how you slay me. You’re simply too much Dorris.” (This one probably won’t come up unless your name happens to be Dorris!)

My still-beating heart is as dark as the blackest pits of the abyss from whence man’s greatest sins are born. With my every step I carry with me the unbearable weight of my past and unfathomable pain of the actions I know I must commit. Every night I awaken to the screams that rattle inside my head and when the sun rises I embrace the cold sleep of my crypt. You can never understand me, mere mortal, and so, you can never judge me: They really need to go to the bathroom but are too embarrassed to just come out and say it.

Bleh bleh bleh bleh: They saw a really cool cloud but unfortunately do not possess the vocabulary to properly describe it. Just go outside and look for any cool clouds.

Sparkling: They’re just trying to add some dazzle to the world. I’m proud of them.

Hi we’re “Fangry and Confused” and we put the amp in the “vampire”: The sickest band in all of history is about to explode your tiny minds and shred your stupid ears.

One... two... three ah! ah! ah!: They’re counting. They really just think math is hilarious. Those vampires are so kooky.

I’ve got to Drac out of here: This is just nonsense new age vampire slang. I’ve no idea what it means. I assume they’re paying homage to me? The greatest of vampires? Or maybe they’re just saying “good bye”? Honestly I’m at just as big of a loss as you are my tasty mortal friends.

Loud bat shrieks (bat mode): “Help! I’ve no idea how to actually fly! Why can’t I see anything! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Being a bat is so stressful!!!!!!!!”

Loud bat shrieks (vampire mode): “I’m done being social for the day everybody please just file into the walk in freezer and we shall reconvene when I awaken!”

Hissing at sunlight: These pasty nerds can’t deal with the sunlight. This isn’t a genetic thing. I, the first vampire, can walk in the sunlight no problem.

Draping their cape over their face dramatically: They’ve got bad acne and don’t want anybody to see their face.

Literally sucking the blood out of your neck: Uh... Well, take it as a compliment. You must have very nice blood. It was nice knowing you. There’s like a 50/50 chance that you’ll end up becoming a vampire too so welcome to the family. You don’t need this silly guide anymore that’s for sure. (This one’s actually a bold faced lie. You still need this silly guide! You will always need this silly guide!)

1 note · View note

seenashwrite · 6 years ago

Text

Failing Grace

Status: Complete Word Count: No idea, it doesn’t matter in these situations Category: Continuation, Humor, Satire, Reader Insert Spoof, Pseudo-script format, Snark Rating: (Older) Teen & up Character(s): Dean, Faux!Nash, a Y/N, the usual Pairings: Sweet babby jeebus, no Warning(s): Mild-to-moderate coarse language; Mild sexual references; Spit-take potential; Hurt fee-fees potential Author’s Note(s): You need to take a few minutes to catch up on The Nope Saga, or you’re going to have no clue what’s going on; this is what “There But For The Grace” began as; cleaning out drafts so here we are; satire is not to be taken as an attack on Y/N or any other writer personally; any similarity to any *specific* fic is purely coincidental; more post-story Overall Summary: We are mid-summer, things are heating up, sounds like there’s a need for some Freeze. Mother-frakkin’. Frame. Overall Summary Disclaimer: That is a complete lie.

In a nondescript town in a nondescript state in a coffee shop crafted lovingly by fanfic authors, in a small booth in the farthest corner from the door sits A WOMAN, legs crossed, head down, scrolling through phone, occasionally sipping on a mocha-something-something which the BARISTA, who bears a striking resemblance to some character from something-or-other, has prepared. Er, crafted. Lovingly.

We begin our story as the bell above the door jingles...

[A MAN in Peaky Blinders cosplay enters a coffee shop, glances around, makes a beeline for a booth, sits, utters a somewhat timid greeting to its occupant, a woman, NASH, who does not acknowledge him, though he gives a thanks for agreeing to meet him; there's some fidgeting, definite dread, now the hat is making his scalp sweat, and his tie is too tight, and is it warm in here, why is the heat on in July, are they insane, they serve hot coffee, this isn't difficult]

[Nash scrolls on. The foot of the leg which is crossed bobs in anger. Cheeks flush. Jaw clamps.]

[WAITRESS approaches. She is visibly taken to loins-town on account of MAN]

Waitress: Um. [giggles softly] Can I ----

Nash: [doesn't look up] No.

Waitress: But he ----

Nash: [still scrolling] Isn't thirsty.

Waitress: Like, um, so, are you two ----

Nash: [not a glance] Go find some whipped cream to squirt, W'Hye-Enne.

W'Hye-Enne: [blinks in surprise, glances down at nametag pinned to hefty bosom, then back to Nash] How did you know the way my name ----

Nash: [aggressively scrolling now] You are legion. Leave my presence immediately, my skills in character development bottom out when any of you stand this close.

W'Hye-Enne: [pouts because she is twelve, looks to MAN for assist; he is fussing with his hair, following the strategic placing of his hat upon the table away from anything that might slosh upon it; she stomps away]

Nash: [continues to be very focused on scrolling] Well. Dean. You've been a busy bee. Bat. Sugar glider. Pigeon.

Dean: [exhales loudly] Whew. Oh, good. Okay. I didn't know if you'd recognize me when you saw me. 'Cause, you know... trying out this new look and all.

Nash: [slowly raises a flat gaze to meet his eyes, which are absolutely not glowing] No worries there, I recognized your voice, even through the whatever-that-is you're doing with it when you called ----

Dean: [mild groan] Seriously? I'll work on it.

Nash: ---- and you still look like you, even with the new duds, Discount Tom Hardy.

Dean: No, don't call me Tom - when we're out in public, call me Michael. [pause] Hey, wait a sec. Why'd you call me by my name in the first place? Aren't you staying on top of the documentaries? [glances around, whispers] The last few parts have been kind've a big deal.

Nash: [sets phone to side, slams tightly clasped hands onto table top, leans over on forearms so her hissed response may be clearly heard by the target of her considerable ire] Why'd you call me here? Risk pulling me into another active fic after that last fiasco with Sam?

Dean: This isn’t a fic, one dumb waitress ----

Nash: She responded to the name! Dammit, Dean! We had a deal.

Dean: [chuckles] That's funny, I just said that the other night to -----

Nash: Uh-huh. I know. Boy howdy, do I know. Motherfucking.... I can't even.... I don't know where to.... I just....

Dean: Hey, you're not the only one that's caught up. 'Cause speaking of calling me what you should be calling me, since you know I'm undercover ----

Nash: [scathingly sarcastic] Oh, bang-up job, Boardwalk Empire, you totes blend in.

Dean: ---- I read all that stuff you wrote, and I knew you were mean, but damn, Nash! I'll be honest, my feelings almost got hurt, with all the insults!

Nash: [clutches at non-existent pearls] Well my stars, Dean, not your fee-fees! Which one did it? Redneck Neo?

Dean: [gives Nash a look]

Nash: Mickey Dean: Ba da ba ba bah, he's suckin' it! - that one?

Dean: [sits back, crosses arms, glares, not even a hint of blue orbing]

Nash: Demon!Dean, Part Two: Oh, THIS Shtick Again?

Dean: Are you trying to be a bitch?

Nash: Does this seem like an attempt, Wank Beneath My Wings?

Dean: [rolls eyes, sighs] Look, I need some advice, and I thought you'd wanna get in on that action, 'cause you like seeing me get myself in trouble, then telling me how I'm wrong, don't you?

Nash: [considers; sits back and crosses arms as well] I'm listening.

Dean: So this is.... this is weird. It's not like the usual stuff. The bang fests. I mean, I'm sure that'll come up, I'm working this look, you gotta admit. [wiggles eyebrows, winks]

Nash: .....

Dean: .....

Nash: .....

Dean: [clears throat] And, uh, I can deal with that, you taught us how to get out of those stories, and thanks by the way, I haven't thanked you enough, really, for how awesome you are, in general, not for that or how you totally came through for me - for Sam - this last time, that was.... was.... um....

Nash: [stares]

Dean: Yeah, so, see, Michael, he's not exactly what everybody.... he comes across as a real hard-ass. You know, everything's black and white, humanity's wrecked the gifts we were given, the earth needs purifying. He's a jumbo-size salt-and-burner, if you wanna get right down to it.

Nash: Except we're alive.

Dean: Heh. Yeah. Not a "big picture" guy. And he did lie, nobody's surprised - the whole thing about giving me my body back, 'course he wouldn't. [sly grin] 'Cause, hey, why would he, amirite?

Nash: [stare, part deux]

Dean: Not even one compliment. Not a-one.

Nash: Nope.

Dean: I'm not at all attractive to you? I've seen what other stuff you've written about me ----

Nash: [groans at Dean, and not in the good way] Enough with the blog stalking, all right?

Dean: ---- AAAAND if what you say is true, which it ain't, about this being Demon!Me again, then you're lying to yourself. You liked me when I was doing... doing demon... being demony.

Nash: Oh, Demon!Dean can Get It.

Dean: [all the looks, all the incredulous, makes big sweeping gestures at himself]

W'Hye-Enne: [scurries over] Were you waving at me to come and ----

Dean and Nash: No.

W'Hye-Enne: [huffs, turns, spots BARISTA, who is apparently off work and is presently sitting at a table, gazing out the window, mightily brooding; she hesitates; looks to Dean; looks back; looks to Dean again; completely ignores Nash] Still, if you want me to ----

Nash: [with a look that bores deep through W'Hye-Enne’s soul] I have a gun.

Dean: [frowns at Nash] You do?

Nash: [tilts head at purse sitting on table, not breaking eye contact with W'Hye-Enne even a little]

[W'Hye-Enne’s eyes widen; she reverse-scurries to the other table without another word]

Dean: [slides purse closer] You've upgraded. It's bigger than the last one.

Nash: Bigger gun.

Dean: [unzips, looks inside; grins approvingly at flask; inspects gun; brings head up to gaze upon Nash, forlorn] 'S my gun.

Nash: Not anymore. It was all alone in the bunker, stuck in a random drawer, next to your mom's long-abandoned, yet fully-charged cell phone. It needed a good home.

Dean: You put it in a pink holster? Where does somebody even get a pink holster?

Nash: I'm not giving the gun back.

Dean: [zips purse, pushes away, mutters] But.... I kinda.... I might need a gun.

Nash: What does an archangel sword need with a gun? [a pause] Shit, that's not half-bad, I need to write that down.

Dean: Sounds too much like "What does God need with a starship". Unless it's an homage.

Nash: Nah, pass. It's too close. You're right.

Dean: [shit eating grin©℗™] Now we're gettin' somewhere.

Nash: We're getting nowhere. Speaking of nowhere - Where. Is. Michael?

Dean: He's... I guess you could say, caught in a fantasy. For him it's a fantasy, with all the raining hellfire down.

Nash: How'd you manage that? Nice little witchy trick? Making deals with djinn?

Dean: Trick, yeah, witch, bleeerrrgh. And no deals. Like I say, Michael’s not exactly what people think, he’s not playing with a full deck.

Nash: He’s dumb?

Dean: More gullible. Anyway, Gabriel was happy to help - I mean, Loki, Gabriel, either way you slice it, he loves doing that crap. Oh yeah, he's not really dead ---

[Dean and Nash in unison]: --- because of course he's not ---

Dean: --- and he's the only one we've got that can distract Michael, stick him on a hamster wheel, let him run til he gets worn out. Last I heard, dude thinks he's taken out Florida with some meteor-sinkhole action.

Nash: ....

Dean: ....

Nash: I meeeaaaan.....

Dean: [nods] Agreed. But Daytona's treated me right in the past, can't lie.

Nash: [eyes Dean carefully, thoughts brewing like coffee, which is a stupid analogy, adding to the signs of danger that may surround them]

Dean: [sighs] What'd I say?

Nash: You needed a vacation, didn't you?

Dean: [slight batting of lashes, widens non-glowing eyes innocently] What? Why would you think that?

Nash: Holy shitsnacks, I'm right.

Dean: Now, wait - don't get all judgy, Michael did have me by the berries for a minute there.

Nash: I still can't believe you just cut out! Not that your whole beach scenario didn't sound great, y'all deserve a break, but jeez, Dean!

Dean: Think about it: I knew Sam wasn't gonna die -----

[Dean and Nash in unison] ---- because of course he wasn't -----

Dean: ----- even though Lucifer's not really dead ----

[Dean and Nash in unison] ---- because of course he isn't ----

Nash: [in brief, but mandatory follow-up interruption] Hashtag-Fuck-Dabb, unoriginal basic boy-bitch.

Dean: I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but if he's got anything to do with our lives being kinda weird yet somehow predictable this last year or so, I agree with you, and Fuck Dabb.

[Dean and Nash look to THE READER in kinship, breaking fourth wall, though they do not freeze frame]

Dean: Anyway, even though Luci'll turn up, I'm betting it won't be right away, you know? And Sam's probably so torqued up, well, I'll kinda feel sorry for our resident Satan.

Nash: [nods] If this is Demon!Dean v2.0, then I've got my fingers crossed Sam will be in BAMF mode, 'cause goddamn, there was this brief window of time where the both of you were just [chef's kiss] It was a sight to behold.

Dean: [wicked smile]

Nash: I'm not apologizing or making excuses for being swoony during that part. THAT PART. But what about Jack? He looooooves you guys, he's jonesing to have a go at Mikey, so...?

Dean: The kid's wearing me out, every day we're starting from scratch, it's like he's got fucking Memento disease.

Nash: You ripped that from Mulaney.

Dean: [barks out his stellar riposte loudly] I'M HOMAGING

[PATRONS stop their conversations, shocked, turning heads toward Dean and Nash]

Nash: [smiles sweetly at them] But no worries! Doctor says it's almost run its course. [PATRONS go back to their chatter; Nash goes back to Dean] That's not homage, that's a dead-to-rights lift from a great writer, and add it to the list of reasons I think we're in a fic!

Dean: [slight pause] So, we might be in a fic.

Nash: [puts hand on purse, begins to slide out of booth] I am gone-baby-gone.

Dean: [grabs her wrist] Wait, how? How are you gonna ----

Nash: You think I don’t have a contingency plan after that last ass-disaster of an adventure you drug me on?

Dean: [leans in close, whispers] It wasn’t all bad. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about that kiss! You know you do. Say it.

Nash: [also leans in; real close; real-REAL close; nearly touches her lips to his; gives the entirety of his face the ol’ once-over; does not look up at him through lashes because this is physically impossible; waits a few beats]

Dean: [trembles slightly; holds breath]

Nash: [through barely parted lips] Nooooope.

Dean: [possibly a slight pout; definitely with The Face as he leans back; he does remember to exhale the breath he did not forget he was holding]

Nash: Get to it. What's the issue?

Dean: It's this thing I've never done before, and I've done a lot.

Nash: [slight frown] I thought you said the bumping nasties hadn't kicked in yet.

Dean: [shakes head] No, this doesn't have anything to do with that. At least, it shouldn't.

Nash: [eye roll, possibly exasperated; scratch that - absolutely exasperated] Why you won't hear me on this is unreal: anything can happen in fic.

Dean: Well.... anybody ever have me freeze?

Nash: Define "freeze".

Dean: Freeze! I just stop. And I'm not doing it. It's random, the stopping - and I mean full stop, people running into me, cars swerving - and I smirk and look off to the side, and I can't move, can't even blink, and did I mention the glowy shit that still pops up sometimes?

Nash: [puzzled; touch of worry; this comes up later] Ah, no, you did not.

Dean: Dries my eyes out like you wouldn't believe, the black demon stuff was so moisturizing, I didn’t have under-eye bags, I swear my eyelashes got thicker ----

Nash: [snaps fingers] The freezing!

Dean: Right, right. Happened at a urinal the other day, so that was real fun, zipper down, junk out for fifteen minutes. And last week? In Ikea?

Nash: In. Ikea.

Dean: Hours, Nash. Hours. And on the street, women keep stopping and taking selfies with me, some of 'em complained about the woo eyes blowing out their phones. Ingrates. And some... some of them.... [trails off, legit blushes]

Nash: Yes?

Dean: They copped a feel.

Nash: [grins]

Dean: Really?

Nash: Sorry, I just... you think fic writers are making you do that, with the stopping and staring?

Dean: Um, it's me doing something not-me, so that was my guess.

Nash: N-no. That's... even the writers who turn you into... that's... uh-uh. You're no good to them standing still. At least your pelvis has to move.

Dean: [with a look] No way you've read everything out there, somebody coulda made me a mannequin or something, so ----

Nash: You ain't tracking with me, here. I saw you walking that first time, in the, ah, documentaries. Didn't exactly start hearing the Bee Gees in the background, but there's swagger happening. [frowns briefly, pondering, mutters to self] Why am I complimenting him? [shakes self out of it] I'm trying to tell you: by and large, that whole thing with the camera stare, it was not of the sexy, the full-body Botox routine, and ----

Dean: [holds up hand] Hang on. What camera?

Nash: [legit perplexed, though not speechless] Listen, there's some real shit-the-bed stories out there with you and Sam acting in ways that are just beyond recognition -----

Dean: Gee, you don't say!

Nash: ----- but I assure you, even the ones that can't manage to have you cruise down a sidewalk without describing every crack aren't making you do that! And 'what camera?' WHAT CAMERA?! It's the show--- I MEAN! ---the, uh, documentary people! You didn't see them?

Dean: No. I never see them. They're sneaky.

[Nash's jaw drops, stays that way; Dean reaches out, pushes chin up to close mouth; does not stay that way long]

Nash: You. Looked. Right. At. The. Lens.

Dean: Wait a sec - you think the documentary people are somehow making me.... Ohhh! [eyes widen, zero neon present] Are they spirits or something? And that's why I never see them? They're invisible? 'Cause if it's not the fic writers, then... you think it's the documentary crew dicking around, possessing me?

Nash: [frustrated, fists clenching, blurts out response] Grrrrr.... NO they aren't spirits! It's not THEM! it's the WRITERS!

Dean: [nods excitedly, eyes sparkling with said excitement, but Are. Not. Glowing. And if they did, it'd be something more interesting than plain ol' angel blue, since this is neither an ordinary angel, nor a typical situation] Duh, that's what I've been saying! The fanfic writers!

Nash: Not the fanfic --- nevermind. [sighs; regroups; tries to think of something as is not ready to go down the PS: You Don’t Exist road] It could be seizures.

Dean: It's not seizures.

Nash: Why am I here if you're not going to ---

Dean: Sorry, sorry, okay - what else can make me freeze up? And don't say ice cream, or catching Sam shaking hands with the milkman, or the prospect of banging you, or ----

Nash: [raises eyebrow, puts hand on purse, begins to scoot out of booth]

Dean: [clamps a strong, slightly calloused, warm, thick-fingered hand atop hers, squeezing gently] No! Don't go!

Nash: [stares down at hand; Dean is now holding it; rubs thumb over her knuckles; it does not seem off-putting in the slightest; this visibly concerns her]

Dean: Please?

Nash: [looks up, finds her tummy flutters at the desperate-yet-dashing expression on that mug]

Dean: [eyes inexplicably greener, possibly glassy] I need you.

Nash: [scoots back in, but glances up, over, around the coffee shop] Something's not right.

Dean: Maybe you're... maybe you’re not wrong, maybe we are in some sort of fic, but I'm not the lead, I'm positive, it's been two months of nothing.

Nash: You can never be sure of that, Gatsby. The second you let your guard down ----

Dean: Who are you talking to, here? I KNOW I screwed up last time, but I'm sure - how do you explain the waitress, huh? No way we'd be able to keep her at bay if she's supposed to be whining to me or riding me or fluffing me... hey, do you think those writers are aware of what fluffing means, because -----

Nash: [eyeing the heavy flirting going down between the not-Velma and not-Hawkeye across the room] It's starting to look an awful lot like a cross-over, Dean, I'm not kidding. And if I'm some throw-away chick that's gonna be the fourth wheel to a threesome, that's not good. At all. Case fics are one thing, pairings are another. I could get really hurt.

Dean: Not a chance, not while I got your back. Your front. Whole thing, I got you.

Nash: And I’ve got the urge extend my leg and run your jewels.

Dean: [ignoring Nash, natch] If it is what’s happening, and that's a big if, it'd mean you and I are.... and we're not... we'd never.... we'd probably just.... No. No, we'd never.

Nash: [with a look] We. Are. Holding. HANDS.

[Dean and Nash jerk hands away, stare at one another]

Dean: .....

Nash: .....

Dean: We'd be good at it, no doubt.

Nash: Oh, of course! We're awesome on our own ---

Dean: Heh.

Nash: [with bonus look] I mean with other people. Besides us hating each other, it's for the safety of the world that we shouldn't, above all.

Dean: We'd rock the foundation of the very universe.

Nash: Talk about apocalypses.

Dean: Damn right.

Nash: So, speaking of that... you got bigger problems than going ice princess. Even if you're headed off to the Bahamas, or Mexico, or the Redneck Riviera, there's something you should know about. Because it won't matter how far you go, it'll find you, and it's... it's pretty concerning.

Dean: It freaks me out when you get sincere.

Nash: It's not anything you'd go looking for in the blogs, and it's not something you've faced before. At least, I don't think. [frowns briefly, thinking] I mean, we are talking fic, here. But this usually falls to Luci and Gabe and Gaddy and Cas. Oh my biscuits, poor ol' Cas.

Dean: [wary] You're actually scaring me. This is me, scared.

Nash: Angels leave residuals inside you, right?

Dean: Is that some sort of euphemism?

Nash: Grace, dipshit. I'm talking grace. Glowy-woozy stuff. You said your eyes have still gone woo every now and then, yeah?

Dean: Yeah....

Nash: So even though Mikey's off in inception land, he must've left some in you. And that's bad. Especially since the fic writers don't know about your whole switch-hit. Nobody knows much about Mikey, he's a badass blank slate, he could be anything, and they're gonna use that. By way of you.

Dean: Use?

Nash: [deep breath, exhales, no forgets] It's called the Grace Kink.

Dean: [chuckles] Jeez, you had me worried. Listen, the kinky ones can actually be fun, so don't ----

Nash: [shakes head slowly] You don't understand. If you think you've been exhausted by the sex before? This is raw-doggin' on a whooooole 'nother level.

[Nash proceeds to explain Grace Kink to the best of her ability; pulls up a few examples on her phone; Dean takes Nash’s flask from her purse without asking, excuses himself to go outside for some air; Nash gets another latte; Dean freeze-frames for approximately ten minutes; a squirrel climbs him and perches atop his head for three of them; Nash tries on his hat, admires herself as is totes cute; the squirrel leaps off as Dean unfreezes, batting it away; it does not fly; Nash appreciates this irony; Dean returns, draining flask as he walks; still flustered, he pours remaining liquor into the latte, gulps down most of it, also without asking; he snatches his hat from Nash’s head]

Dean: [putting on hat] So what did you mean earlier? About having a contingency plan?

Nash: Tiff.

Dean: [brightens] Oh, yeah, Tiff! She gives good... fic. How's she doing?

Nash: [picks up phone, opens messages] Ah, yes - well, she's curious as to why, when the Michael possession kicked in, you didn't crank off a line dance while Vincent Price cackled in the background.

Dean: [sneery] I know what you're doing. You're trying to make me fight so you'll disappear before you can help me.

Nash: [undeterred] Oh, right. Not that Michael. Our mistake. The Otter Pop weaksauce eyefuck action should've given it away.

Dean: [steamy as that latte once was] I. Don't. Give. Weak. Eyefuck.

At this, a surprisingly low-volume yet vitriolic verbal match of wits and sometimes not-so-much with the wits occurs, of such proportion and length, our story now arrives at the point of closing time - the coffee shop has cleared, tables are bussed, the floor is being swept, lights are being turned off, and our foes remain in flagrante--- er, in fight mode.

Nash: ....and Shakespeare said "eat me"? Eat me?! Shakespeare has so many zingers. And you whiffed.

Dean: I was under pressure, specifically in the throat area, and what, you've got all of Shakespeare memorized!?

Nash: No! No, I don't! But EAT ME?! What about, "As Shakespeare once said, sit and spin"? Got some alliteration, rolls off the tongue, might be a touch spitty, but you were sputtering anyway, and.... why are you looking at me like that?

Dean: You haven't disappeared. We've been going at it for an hour, and you're still here.

Nash: [stunned] Shit.

Dean: Just stay, for the rest of the summer, please? So you can write me out of whatever crap I get pulled into? I'm good at plenty, I guess I'm just not good at this. I'm asking for help, and I'm not good at that either, so... will you think about it?

Nash: [glances around; W'Hye-Enne and her victim are nowhere to be seen, likely in the back room banging; looks to Dean] This part's not fic.

Dean: No, it's not. Because otherwise I'd suddenly need your help for shit I'm perfect at, right? I'm being serious, here.

Nash: What if... what if the documentaries pick up again, before the fall, and Tiff can't figure how to... what if it somehow traps me for good?

Dean: I won't let it.

Nash: [flatly] Don't do that. Don't with the charming. It's wasted on me.

Dean: Sure it is.

Nash: We are not friends. This is strictly business. Really. I want money. I want as much money as possible. Or stuff, I'll take stuff.

Dean: Absolutely. Hey, I'll take you to Michael's... I mean, my... costumer - I MEAN - tailor. You like vintage ----

Nash: Dean, on god, if you don't get the hell away from my personal blog ----

Dean: ----and you'd look awesome in... hmmmm... I think a '50s get-up. Something Marilyn or Liz. You've got the rack for it. [stops speaking at this potentially ill-advised comment, banking on Nash's love for compliments overtaking her love of punching him; gives her a pointed look, touch of an eyebrow raise as prompt]

Nash: I suppose that's a do-able thing, and you are a tit connoisseur so I am taking that as a compliment.... [trails off, eyes narrowing, as cooperation with nemesis is never easy]

Dean: Aaaaand people usually do what in response to those? [raises eyebrows all the way this time, eyes sparkly and crinkly and distracting on many subtle and not-so-subtle levels]

Nash: ....

Dean: ....

Nash: [mutters] It's a great hat.

Dean: I LOOK SO GOOD IN HATS

~ Fin ~

See Nash Write : Master / See Nash Write : Mobile

🏷️🏷️Wanna be tagged? Hit me up! 🏷️🏷️

1st Author’s Note Disclaimer (said with much lurve): There are myriad ways this is similar to many fics, possibly by Y/N; *if* these satirical pieces hit too close to home, consider this free writing therapy & an invitation to check your ego whilst finding a sense of humor. 😁 I’m pretty sure I’ve lost three-to-four followers over these things in the past, hence my semi-bitchy tone here. So, hey - go have a run at my stuff if it’ll make you feel better. I can handle it.

Author’s Note #2: Back to non-comedy fare shortly, like I say, just cleaning out ye olde drafts, hope you got a giggle.

Author’s Note #3: Many thanks to my guest star & would-be rescuer @butiaintgonnaloveem

@impandagrl @waywardjoy @jalove-wecallhimdean @jame-sbarnes @just-another-busy-fangirl @amanda-teaches @fanforfanatic @salt-n-burn-em-all @thisgingerlikescoffee @cyrilconnelly @rozadolphin @theblackharrystyles @carryonmycobaltangel @ilsawasanacrobat @klaineaholic @helvonasche @zepppie @amionthetumbler @tankcupcakes @littlegreenplasticsoldier @emlostinwonderland @michellethetvaddict @theoriginalvicki @ellen-reincarnated1967 @copperseraphim @mrswhozeewhatsis @crowleylovesyou @bumbleball13 @anticipate1003 @raspberrymama @lastactiontricia

#Supernatural Fanfiction #SPN Fanfic #Nash Writes #Queueby Dooby Doo #Dad's on a blog post and #he hasn't been queued in a few days

27 notes · View notes

laskinpublishing · 3 years ago

Text

At one time no self-respecting hi-tech company* would ever do business without the ubiquitous mission statement — or using the word ubiquitous.

Donald Neal Laskin’s uncalled for commentary on just about anything that’s often none of his business

They put down their forks and peered up at me. Their little faces had a quizzical look. It was one I’d been seeing often lately, “What kind of steak is this? It tastes different. Hard to chew.”

“Harder to swallow,” one added.

“Prime cut. Maybe Mommy overcooked it. Try ketchup.” I was dancing around the truth like a lawyer at a Liar’s Club Ball.

Before it had ever gone this far, I’d tried to convince the little carnivores to become vegetarians. I staked out (no pun intended) the high moral ground because I knew the “veggies are good for you; meat clogs your arteries” would resonate with these kids like school without summer vacation.

I asked in semi-rhetorical fashion, “Bambi’s mom…YOU would murder and devour Bambi’s Mom!”

“Bambi’s mom,” they replied in a dreamy unison reminiscent of Homer Simpson, “Bambi’s mom. Mmm.”

“Well, how’d you like it if somebody chowed down on you!” I shot back. “How would you feel?”

“Dead,” came the answer. These kids were more coldblooded than a cobra in an ice house. It was hopeless. So, I was forced to plan B: Marinating bologna in vinegar, A1 steak sauce and Worcestershire and trying to pass it off as steak. I’d had some success substituting tofu. But, now I couldn’t even afford tofu. And the kids picked up immediately that this adulterated bologna was pure unadulterated baloney.

I had to fess up. Business was lousy…worse than lousy. We couldn’t afford meat. Suddenly, the children looked at us in a different light. We hid all the knives in the house and their mother and I took turns standing guard at our bedroom door at night. Believe me, it ain’t a whole lot of fun being regarded by your children as an entree.

I had to do something. I studied what I was doing wrong in my business. My work was…well, outstanding. More like brilliant. My prices were extremely fair. I did my share of selling. What could be wrong?

Then, it came to me. It was the one thing I didn’t have that every successful business (hi-tech business at least) had. The one ingredient that was lacking:

A Mission Statement

As the world leader in advertising, promotion and public relations of every conceivable type, description, variety and degree of comprehension, we strive to create and develop communications that clarify or obfuscate the positions, capabilities and capacities of our clients so that they can interact in a proactively successful way in the global marketplace. By providing the highest quality work at the lowest possible prices, we ensure our customers always come first and we are committed to them, their goals, and precious bodily fluids (See Dr. Strangelove).

Upon finishing the Mission Statement, I was informed that Mission Statements had fallen out of fashion and Vision Statements were in. Guess I should’ve had the vision to see it coming.

The preceding was excerpted from When the RANT Is Due: Thinking Outside the Box, a compilation of some of the best of twenty-five years of “Observations” — a type of blog used to connect with Don Laskin’s Lone Writer advertising clients. Written by Donald Neal Laskin and illustrated by Stacey Laskin.

*In the late 90’s Scott Adams, Dilbert’s creator, was passed off as an expert consultant hired to help executives formulate a new mission statement for hi-tech firm, Logitech. Introduced as Ray Mebert, Adams diagrammed and double-talked executives into a mishmash of a mission statement: “The New Ventures Mission is to scout profitable growth opportunities in relationships, both internally and externally, in emerging, mission inclusive markets, and explore new paradigms and then filter and communicate and evangelize the findings.″

Donald Neal Laskin books on Amazon

Liana Laskin’s Talara II on Amazon

Stacey Laskin’s TheGrinDragon art and design on Redbubble

Email: [email protected]

#Laskin Publishing #a visionary mission #When the RANT Is Due #Observations #ebook

0 notes

tauers-go-dutch · 7 years ago

Text

It says Dublin, but this is the Belfast blog

Not Too Belfast

When it comes to planning our travels, often things come together a bit last minute. That was the case when we made Easter plans. We had sat on the weekend a bit too long, and most flights became unbearably expensive. So, we choose something a little outside of the main tourist track: Belfast. The city has a gloomy reputation for the Troubles, basically the Irish civil war that lasted nearly thirty years. The fighting has been over for 20 years since a ceasefire was signed in 1998 (earlier renditions were also signed in the early nineties, but we subsequently broken). But otherwise, I feel that Northern Ireland has a more dull reputation, or perhaps more pointedly, a reputation for being a ‘lesser’ Ireland. That’s probably punctuated by my American upbringing that idolizes the southern Irish separatist view with fairly prevalent IRA supporting undertones, but I think that perception is carried around Europe as well (being dragged into Brexit doesn’t help). This view was perhaps punctuated when the security guard inspecting our passports asked why we were in Belfast. Um, to see the city. Well, what exactly are you going to see? Uh, I don’t know. Ok, well enjoy your visit, I guess.

After having a laugh over that, Mariah and I arrived into the city. We had very few plans over the long, four day weekend. For once in our last two years, we were going to slow travel. Our hotel, the Bullit Hotel, was fantastic. It had a lively bar and cool atmosphere. We didn’t stay too long, as we went to see if this city had anything worthwhile, unbeknownst to the airport security. There is a central open air mall that has a fantastic observatory- too bad it was a gray day, but we could still see the old shipbuilding cranes. We then went to grab a snack at a sandwich stop called the Cuban Sandwich Factory. Decent Cuban for a reasonable price! Afterwards we set out to see the Europa Hotel, which was the most bombed hotel in Europe. It also happened to be across the street from the Crown Liquor Saloon, a beautiful Victorian pub (which of course we stayed for a drink). We had some great pizza at a local hipster joint (side note, the waiter was a poli-sci major and actually knew about Colorado since it was the first state to legalize recreational marijuana- New Amsterdam on the map!). We closed the night at an Irish pub, which, yes, is still authentic in Northern Ireland.

Those yellow cranes are the shipyard where the Titanic was built

Enjoying an Irish Cubano

Journalists covering the Troubles stayed here, at the most-bombed hotel in Europe

We slept in the next morning, but moseyed over to brunch at the hipster coffee shop in town. Yes, I did say ‘the,’ as in only. Kinda comical, since everyone recommended it and referred to it as the hipster coffee shop. It was called Established Coffee, and it is really good. The eggs benedict game is tops. And it carried 3FE coffee (see our Dublin blog). We walked through a few shops, killing time before our city walk to learn more about the Troubles. Look up Dead Center Tours; they are some of the best guides I’ve had. They are clearly passionate about the city, and want to use the history of the city to start conversations and eventually heal the community. It is astonishing to think how a civilized state (trust me, despite drunken stereotypes- which are true- the Irish are very well educated and civil) can devolve so quickly into a war zone based on two opposing philosophies that both have merits. Basically, the Troubles started in the late sixties and early seventies as an extension of the Irish revolution from Dublin in the twenties. Loyalists to Great Britain in what is now Northern Ireland moved to stay in the Kingdom, while the rest of Ireland seceded. Eventually, factions in southern Ireland decided that the island should be united as a separate nation, or at least a nation under ‘home rule’ (think Australia- basically independent). Belfast was an industrious city, with prominent textile and shipbuilding (ie, Titanic) industries. The faction that eventually became the IRA came up with the idea to start an economic war, where they would destroy enough of the city that Britain would effectively just abandon it. Great in theory, but it never quite worked.

Not Little Ben

The worst of the terror and bombings was in the first two years. The IRA place a lot of pressure to cause economic harm, but would announce bombs in advance to minimize loss of life. That was until life was inevitably lost, and escalation ensued until it was clear that a quick victory was not in sight. The IRA then tried to play a long game and drug the conflict out for 30 years. Our guide was a mediator from Belfast who worked with Protestant and Catholic leaders to try and find a common ground to heal the city. He shared haunting stories and insights from his work. I seriously cannot do it justice. The take away is of course that we need to find common ground, because no ideology should support such atrocities (here’s looking at you, America). On a lighter note, we wrapped up the day with more scones (seriously, UK and Irish scones are amazing), pubs, and dinner.

One of many scone stops

On Easter itself, we took a bus tour out to Giant’s Causeway, a natural rock formation on the Northern Irish coast. The place is very beautiful, and it has its own cheesy mythology about feuding Irish and Scottish giants. From the coast you could even see Islay, the Scottish island of peaty Scotch-making fame. The tour took a little longer than I would have liked, but we still had time to take in the sights and marvel at the beauty of it all. Afterwards, the tour took us to Bushmills distillery. They actually have a good cafeteria- my bacon, brie and cranberry bagel was incredible. The whiskey, outside of the bottom shelf drivel, was actually really good. Irish whiskey should have as big, if not bigger reputation than Scotch. But alas, due to the Irish rebellion, and the English response to blockade whiskey sales plus America going through prohibition allowed Scotch to reign supreme. We also stopped at Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge, which is made up to be a big deal, especially for tourists. While again it is surrounded by beautiful landscapes, I don’t get it. You wait in line for 20 minutes to cross the bridge to get to the little island that is literally 30 meters long, and then wait for 20 minutes to cross back. Dumb. We worked through some stops in quaint little towns (one whose claim to fame is being the hometown or birth place of Andrew Jackson (Might want to keep that under wraps, we’ve been known to arbitrarily hunt down the birthplace of our presidents to make sure they ain’t foreigners. Also, Andrew Jackson was a racist asshole who should NOT be on our currency). Well- happier thoughts- we were back in town for dinner. We were able to get into a cute little joint called Made in Belfast. It featured traditional, and not so traditional, Irish food sourced from local vendors. Sensational meal- complete with G&Ts!

Old Bushmills

The next day we just took it easy. We decided not to go to the Titanic museum (reason to go back!), and just sleep in. We of course had more delicious brunch and stopped back at Made in Belfast for drinks, a cheese board, and sticky toffee pudding! Just amazing. I should mention that the Irish are some of the nicest people. Several times during our trip people invited us to sit at their tables rather than stand at a bar, and to start friendly conversation. Belfast definitely feels like a city coming into its own after a tragic history, somewhat reminiscent of Berlin, but not as far along. It was a very nice and relaxing vacation, with plenty to do and reason enough to come back (despite what the locals at the airport might imply). Belfast just further solidified my love affair with Ireland and the UK.

#tauersgodutch #tauers go dutch #it says dublin #but its belfast

3 notes · View notes

racingtoaredlight · 4 years ago

Text

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 17 Extravapalooza

Well, here we are at the end of the most unique NFL season in memory. Was it the smartest idea in the world to stage an entire professional football season in the midst of a rampaging viral pandemic? No, it really wasn’t. But, somehow, the NFL managed to make it through the year without any outright disasters (sorry Broncos, having to start a practice squad WR at QB doesn’t really count), and they did it through the tried and true combination of blind luck and pure willful ignorance. Yay, I guess? I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t appreciate having games to watch, but the whole enterprise was downright impressive in its blatant disregard for common sense and social responsibility. That’s why it’s America’s game!

There’s still a fair amount of playoff-positioning to hash out this week, which always lends a nice bit of urgency to some of the proceedings. I’m far too lazy to go into those particular weeds myself, so I’ll just link you to someone else’s work if you want to study up on the various scenarios in play.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Baltimore Ravens (-14) at Cincinnati Bengals

If the Ravens win, they’re in the playoffs. The Bengals don’t have the horses to offer much resistance against a supremely motivated Ravens team. I will say that the most entertaining turn of events for someone with no dog in the fight would be for Baltimore to somehow lose this game, for the Browns to win, and for Ravens fans to have to sweat the result of the Colts/Jags game to see if they make the playoffs. Friend of the blog Fryan Turd would likely suffer a half-dozen heart attacks in this scenario.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills (-2)

I have no idea how important clinching the #2 seed in the AFC is to Buffalo, and if it’s not a big deal to them they may rest some guys for all or some of this game. The Dolphins will remain feisty to the very end, of that I’m certain.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cleveland Browns (-9)

The Steelers are sitting a whole bunch of guys and the Browns are in the playoffs with a win. I will say that losing this game to Mason Rudolph and subsequently missing the postseason would be an incredibly Brownsy thing to do.

Minnesota Vikings (-4) at Detroit Lions

Despite having nothing to play for and no reason to risk further punishment, Matthew Stafford is suiting up for this one. Dare I say that Stafford is...A GAMER? I do dare say it. I hope he whips ass and the Lions win in what could be his last home game in Detroit. I would sacrifice one of my siblings to get Stafford onto the Patriots this offseason, and also to get a larger share of my family estate.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (-3)

Oh man, this is not going to be a fun game to watch AT ALL. Sullen Bill Belichick, Broken Down Cam Newton, Traumatized Sam Darnold, Dead Man Walking Adam Gase--this game has way too many depressing ingredients, to say nothing of the very-likely-to-be atrocious quality of play. Let’s just move on.

Dallas Cowboys (-1.5) at New York Giants

This is essentially a playoff game, as each of these teams needs to win (and for Washington to lose) in order to clinch the shittiest division of all time. I’m taking Dallas here because they’ve been rolling in recent weeks and Daniel Jones isn’t close to 100% healthy, but what I want most is for the Giants to win, the Football Team to lose, and for us to get the hilarious spectacle of a 6-10 playoff team.

Atlanta Falcons at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-7)

I’ve ridden with the Falcons all season, why stop now?

[looks at season record]

Okay, that might be a good reason to stop. BUT I AIN’T GONNA!

Hey, do you think Matt Ryan could end up on New England? He went to Boston College, right? What have I become, coveting other teams’ used goods? This is no way to live.

LATE GAMES

Green Bay Packers (-4) at Chicago Bears

I’m greatly enjoying the Trubiskaissance. The Bears making the playoffs would make for some tremendous restlessness and conflicting emotions among Bears fans, as a strong showing would likely mean that Mitchell and Matt Nagy will run it back next season. This would entertain me as a man who isn’t a Bears fan.

Las Vegas Raiders (-2.5) at Denver Broncos

I truly have no opinions or thoughts on this particular contest. Oh wait, here’s one: fuck the Raiders for ruining so many of my picks. Here’s another: Do you think New England could trade for Derek Carr? HELP.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts (-14)

The Jags are quite possibly the most ready-to-start-their-vacation team in the league, and the Colts need to win this game to make the postseason. I’m bummed about how things turned out for my man Gardner Minshew this season in Jacksonville. I hope he’s able to continue his career with a franchise who appreciates his comedic potential more fully. You know who would love him? Famous mirth-merchant William Belichick.

Los Angeles Chargers (-4.5) at Kansas City Chiefs

Tremendous opportunity for Justin Herbert to pad his already fantastic rookie-year numbers against the K.C. JV team. The thing that makes me the most nervous about this pick is the possibility that Chargers Head Coach Anthony Lynn knows that this is his last game, and as a result will make sure to unveil his most breathtaking piece of clock-mismanagement performance art yet.

Arizona Cardinals (-3) at Los Angeles Rams

I can’t in good conscience get behind a team that intends to start John Wolford at QB, no matter how awesome their defense is. Then again, maybe if Sean McVay basically controls his movements Ratatouille-style the way he does with Jared Goff, he’ll be okay. If Arizona loses and misses the playoffs, Coach Handsome might experience the quickest progression of “This Guy Has No Idea What He’s Doing” to “This Guy Is A Genius Who Is Changing the Way Football Is Played” and back to “This Guy Is a Dipshit” of any coach I can remember.

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) at San Francisco 49ers

The Seahawks continued there whole “now the defense is good, but the offense is kind of blah” thing last week in a 20-9 win over the Rams, and I see no reason to think things will change. The Niners finally got All-Pro TE George Kittle back from injury, but then immediately lost studly rookie WR Brandon Aiyuk. The injury gods have really had it in for them this season. Despite the brutal injury luck, San Fran has remained competitive all season, and I say they keep this one within a TD.

New Orleans Saints (-6) at Carolina Panthers

The Saints won’t have RBs Alvin Kamara, Latavius Murray, Dwayne Washington, or their fullback Michael Burton. They’ll also be without WR Michael Thomas once again. If I were Saints Head Coach Sean Payton, I’d start Taysom Hill at QB for this game so that he can use his legs to augment the severely diminished run-game, and also to give Drew Brees’ ribs more time to heal. I’d also be an insufferable dickhead. Well, more of one. Okay, I’d be the same, I’d just be addicted to pain pills. More addicted, I mean. I’m Sean Payton.

Tennessee Titans (-7) at Houston Texans

DeShaun Watson has been absurdly good this season, despite the total shitshow around him. He leads the league in Yards Per Attempt while also being third in the league in Completion Percentage at 70.1%. He’s not dinking and dunking his way to his eye-popping numbers. You’d think having a franchise QB in place would make this a primo job opening for potential head coaching candidates, but between the lack of high-end future draft picks and general ownership/executive ineptitude, it’s gotta give a desirable candidate pause. Yikes. Clearly, Houston should trade DeShaun Watson to New England.

SNF: Washington Football Team (-3.5) at Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles have nothing to play for and a bunch of key players are skipping tonight’s game. Among them are TE Dallas Goedert and RB Miles Sanders, which is going to make things extra tough for QB Jalen Hurts against Washington’s exceptionally nasty defense. The Football Team also has major injury questions, as QB Alex Smith, RB Antonio Gibson, and WR Terry McLaurin are all listed as Questionable. As of this writing, it looks like all three of them are going to play, but I have no clue how effective they’ll be. All of this uncertainty does not make for confident betting, imo.

Last Week’s Record: 4-7-1

Season Record: 99-112-8

#Sports!#Football #NFL #Gambling

0 notes